Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #161 - Eddie Bravo, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 23, 2014

Jiu Jitsu Master Eddie Bravo joins Joey and Lee in studio for a special edition of The Church Of What's Happening Now. Eddie is preparing for his rematch against Royler Gracie.   No Ads today! Thank you for listening and the support!

This podcast is brought to you by us. Oh shit, it's Friday, March 21st. The day the devil was buried at sea. We ain't fucking around today. Oh, special preview, the church of what's happening now. This is how it's done on a Friday. I usually get you started on fucking Monday to kick these motherfuckers asses.

Friday, it's more important. If you wanna get your dicks up, this is where it starts. What? Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Oh shit. Oh shit, Lee. What? Kick that wiggle-funk with joy. Let me see.

Oh, oh, what? Dude, this motherfucker in the motherfucker house. What? Friday bitches, then Saturday bitches, then a week. Eddie Bravo, Meta Morris. What? Motherfucker in the house now? Uh, let's do this, Lee, say it. Turn that motherfucker off.

What the fuck are you thinking? Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here? It's March 21st, motherfuckers. It's crack or lacking. You're still thinking it's fucking Christmas, you dumb motherfuckers. Get up, wash your house, clean your asshole. Somebody's looking to fucking get robbed.

Somebody's got your motherfucking money in their pocket and you're giggling at the bar, thinking you're cool, you dumb motherfucker. Get the Mickey Mouse shirt off. Fuck you. What, Eddie Bravo, you bad motherfucking, in the house eight days away from a tremendous fucking thing.

Let's wrap it up. We had to go fucking earthquake this week. A lot of shit cracked this week, but it don't matter. Next Saturday night, a lot of doubts are gonna be over fucking turned. This is a special jujitsu type fucking podcast with my main man, one of my mentors, Mr. Eddie Bravo, what's happening, brother?

Hey, how you doing, man? Thank you for having me, Joe. No, no, this is big. This is Death Squad from the beginning. So now, you know, with Death Squad, we always try to celebrate everybody is what we have to do. Next Saturday, it's about you.

You know, basically December 25th was about me. Next Saturday is about you. Hopefully, April 21st will be about you. And Cinco de Mayo is always about Victor motherfucking Davi, like, you know what I'm saying? Slinging dick and making kids a Mexican way. The old fashioned way, you know what I'm saying? These motherfuckers go to Vitro and Belitro

and they try to have kids. A Mexican takes this fucking dick, got a little tequila and that fucking sperm helmet is good to go, you know what I'm saying? Boom, like a fucking enchilada. Look at Lee, he's married to a Mexican chick pretty soon. Oh, yeah. If he's fucking lucky.

Yeah, now when I see kids, you have a kid, I have a kid. When I see couples that have three kids and four kids, I have the same respect for them like I would, like a UFC fighter. My God, damn, that's a bad motherfucker. That's a, I could barely handle one kid. And I love it and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but man, how do people have two and three kids?

It's incredible. How did Victor do it, man? Victor got like 19 fucking kids. That's my father. Victor's got a neighborhood pinned up to him just for kids. You know what I'm saying? Victor will be spitting out kids till he's fucking 70. He'll be like the Danny and the Santo of kids.

It's scary. I have people of my age who have like two or three kids. Nobody got that, you know what I'm saying? Nobody got that. I got that. Nobody got that. So, bro, listen, I went back to Jersey and I bumped into a dear friend, Louis Genoux,

who I grew up with, Dominican kid. And I said, Louis, how's your mom? He goes, great. I go, how's your dad? He goes, great. I go, what's he up to these days? He goes, being a father. He just had his fucking eighth kid.

He's 74, bro. He's got a three-year-old. That means shit comes out of your dick when you're 71. Good shit. You take care of yourself. Did you imagine that? He's a Dominican dude.

I go, what do we do? He goes, nothing. He always walked. He was a big walker and he always hit the bag every fucking day. But you hit the bag, bro. That shit keeps your dick alive. How old was the woman?

Like, 48. He spermed her right up at 48. That's a Spanish woman. Those bitches will spit out kids that are 150. Mexican woman? Shit. You get one of those big, fat Mexican women in their 70s. She's still got good pussy left.

She's still got good six, seven Brady Buntz-type family left in that ass, you know what I'm saying? You're lucky. You know that ain't the goomy. What's happening, baby? You're lucky I'm the only one that ain't the goomy. What's happening, brother? Tell me something good, man.

Just training really hard. Just doing everything I can do to get that W. Just get my cardio on point, get my strength on point, with Jean Ja, get my defense together. I'm doing what I can do, man. I feel really confident, you know? But Heuler Gracie's a legend. There's no way you can predict a win over him.

There's just, you just can't. I'm just hoping that I pull it off. But the guy's a gamer. He's probably out of all the Gracie's. Heuler Gracie and Hodger Gracie are the two most competitive as far as grappling. That, I think it's, Hodger's probably number one and then Heuler's probably number two.

He won the Mundiales. He won the World Championships in the Ghee. He won Abu Dhabi three times in a row. Never had a point scored against him. And, man, and I'm, you know, the way I warm up before I work out, I get on the Stairmaster and I fucking just get on YouTube and put Heuler ADCC, bam, and I go through his fights.

There's probably, ooh, maybe six or seven ADCC matches it is. I watched the one with him in Sokka back in 2000 and then in 2003. I warm up watching Heuler Roll. That's what I do. And, man, that is the most motivating shit ever. Like the Countdown video, that one, the Metamorse Countdown video

where he's doing kettlebells, that shit, right there. I just want to put that shit on and just fucking start. I want to run to the gym when I see that shit. When I see my opponent working out and working out and working out, when I see my opponent working out and working hard, oh, that's, I love it. That gives me so much motivation.

I just want to stay on that Stairmaster forever and just keep watching videos. And that's what I do. And, man, I've studied his game like, I've never studied anybody's game like I've studied his. And he's not, he doesn't do anything fancy. The fanciest thing he does is he likes footlocks. And I've done everything I can to prepare for that.

And hopefully it's enough because he's really good at footlocks. He's never been able to pull it off in Abu Dhabi. That's the one thing I've noticed from watching all his Abu Dhabi matches. He always goes without footlock. He'd be going to it, but he hasn't finished anybody with it in Abu Dhabi.

They all escaped. So, you know, hopefully I escaped too when he goes for it. You go for it the first time you guys rolled? No, he did not go for it on me. I'm thinking, you know, in 2003, he didn't even go for it against Sokka and they're, he didn't. So I'm thinking maybe he may have given up on it

because he was always going for those footlocks in 99 and 2000 in those Abu Dhabi hours. But in 2003, I didn't see any. I think he may have thought, you know what? They're not adrenaline proof, you know? Because footlocks work great, way better in the gym than they do in competition. They still work in competition.

It's still very important. We at 10 Planet are all, we push leg locks to the max. I want my guys to be well versed in leg locks and all that, but that being said, a choke is way more adrenaline proof than a leg lock. Some guys will let their legs break and they won't even tap and they'll still win. And they'll be on crutches after that W,

but there's so much adrenaline going and there's so much on the line and guys have trained so long. In competition, leg locks, you can't trust them 100%. Dean Lister is dominated the world with leg locks. So they do work and Russo Marpa, Horace and all that, but maybe he's given up on them is what I'm saying, because they didn't work early Abu Dhabi.

Maybe they'll work now. Maybe he'll catch me, who knows? But doing everything I can to prepare for those little footlocks. And then besides that, that's the fanciest shit he does. He's just super basic and solid. He just leads with his need and he has very good flexibility.

He's doing the splits, he's super low, loves head and arm, knee on the belly, loves trying to get to the mile with head and arm. Very basic, but very good. I mean, he's been doing Jiu Jitsu since, he was six months probably. And he was a black belt when I was doing karate. So there's just zero chance underestimating him.

You know what's funny? You said something, nothing to interrupt you about. Sadly, you're doing everything you can for the W. When I look at this, it's more than a W. It's less than a W as a win. It's more for what you mean. It's more for what you've done and where you've come from. This is a movement that you've created with Ten Planet.

You're not, sometimes people go in the ring and they're fighting for themselves. To have fancy cars and to be famous. For me, when I watch you do this, you have a lot of people look up to you when I'm one of those people. I'm 51 and I just got into Jiu Jitsu a year ago, not because I discovered it on YouTube

because I heard you talk about it. And the beauty of you discussing it. But the beauty that I love about you is where you came from and how you came up and how you've made me fucking howl with your stories about kiss and coming home and hiding the howl into the fucking thing. That's one of the funniest stories, because I've been there, you know,

just to walk home with a fucked up howl and you don't want nobody to see your shit. Yeah, and everyone thought I didn't like kiss. No, and it's so funny. But to me, when I hear your stories and where you come from, but what you did, what you did when I was talking to her, I was talking to a friend of mine that he's a big guy.

Trading partner and he's like a purple belt. And he said to me that he didn't like trading with somebody. He's one of John Jock's black belts. Eddie, he said this to me without him knowing that I'm friends with Eddie Bravo or nothing. I go, so how is it training with that guy? He goes, you know, another kid's 25. He goes, you know, he's Jiu Jitsu solid shit,

but his moves are like from 1960, you know? He was talking about me? No, he was just talking about a John Jock black belt that I know. His moves from 1960. And when I got in the car, I go, no wonder Eddie did what he did. Like, this guy doesn't know I know Eddie Bravo. He doesn't know that I know anything about Templar.

He doesn't know that I know Eddie was a, we're just talking. And I just said to him, so how is it training with a John Jock black? He goes, I bet it's cool, but this particular guy, he just got moves from the 70s and shit. Like, they're just basic. So I understand what you did. Like, I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube

about John Jock saying about what you did with your 10th Planet movement, how he always supported it. When I did Higgins Machado's seminar, your name came up. He goes, I like that guy's think outside the box, you know? And I'm still learning how to fucking breathe. So there's no thinking with me. I just grab onto your collar and pray for the best and lay on top until I remember a sweep or something.

But it's a beautiful thing what you've done. And I look at the tapes and I'm scared. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to No Gi with Salami just to fuck around because he's doing passing the sweep. Or at least I can hold onto the shorts and do the step around and shit. But for you, this isn't just a win, Eddie Bravo. This is a movement, bro.

And you've done really well with yourself with the movement. And the biggest thing about a movement is belief. If there's no belief, there's no fucking movement. You know, that's the beauty about next Saturday. Like, I'm not looking, any motherfucker could win a fight. Any motherfucker could lose a fight. It's what you're going in there for. And that's why I got the respect for you.

That's why you're here today. That's why I call you and ask you stupid questions about jujitsu every day. Stupid shit. You've never asked me a stupid question. But you know what I'm saying. I asked you straight from the farthest. No, you ask legit questions.

You know, and I'm just really proud of you. And this, I've been talking to you every day for the last, I talk to you every day anyway, but I could see that your heart's in the right place for this and I'm not calling it a fight. I'm calling it a jujitsu match. You know, there's ain't no fight. This is to display your beauty, brother.

This is an art. This is the gentle art as they claim. Nothing gentle to me when you're choking me out and I'm seeing fucking birds and shit. But this is, you're displaying your art, bro. Some people show up on a Saturday to bring a picture of a bird. This is what you're doing.

You're bringing your fucking picture. You know, how does that feel, bro? How does that feel? That he's going in there with, you know, his father was the great grandmaster of all time. And here you took that thing that he was showing and you twist it around a little bit. Not to say nothing bad about it, but to make it better.

Maybe you feel, how does that feel to you? Do you feel in the same way I'm feeling? You're feeling it, motherfucking. Do you feel it? Yeah, I do feel it. I feel it every day and I get a rush of rushes, multiple rushes of joy every day. You know, I'm not gonna lie, it's,

it's, you know, when you're training for a fight, it's, you know, it's nerve-wracking and it's stressful. But for me, I just think of all the guys that fight in the UFC on pay-per-view in front of the world and what they must be going through, like that is some shit to be worried about. Getting in a cage and smashing each other. If you lose the game,

you are gonna get your ass kicked as well, which is worse than losing a game. You get that too. It's, so I think about what they're going through and then that just makes the stress just go away. Cause this isn't, I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna grapple with this guy. So I'm not, I'm trying not to think of it as a big deal.

You know, I was shocked when the match happened and Halleck called me and he really wanted to make this happen. And I was down. Hoyler was hard to get him, but eventually he denied it. Meta Morse one, he didn't want to do it. They were already contacting me

or after Meta Morse one, four Meta Morse two in that area, Halleck was already trying to set up the rematch and Hoyler was just too expensive. He wanted too much for cash, just like in Abu Dhabi a couple of years ago. He's like, comes up with this $50,000 show fee that he wanted from the chic, which is incredible. But he finally got it.

I think Hoyler saw how doing this rematch in Meta Morse could help his career, you know, and help his students and help his school. And they finally came to an agreement about the money. I don't know how much he's getting paid. And then, you know, it was on. But I asked Halleck, when are we going on? Like fourth, fifth, sixth goes,

dude, you guys are headlining the show, I'm like, what? We haven't done shit. And I haven't done shit since 2003. How the fuck are we headlining? I mean, neither is Hoyler. He hasn't grappled. He's had a couple MMA fights, but he hasn't grappled. That was his last grappling event.

That was my last grappling event. Because how could we be headlining? So I was shocked. And then not only were we headlining, like, whoa, like, is this going to be a complete flop? Us, was this a bad decision? I'm not even sure. I'm like, I haven't done anything.

There's all these guys, like Hafa Mendes and Marcelo Garcia. There's these, yeah, well, I'm talking about guys that could have headlined in a headline. Well, you're headlining because at the end of the day, people want to see this. Well, can we back up for a second? Because I know the story. I'm sure a lot of people are listening to,

but there have to be some people who don't. So do you want to bring us back to like 2003 and like where this started, Eddie? No, no, no, I got to ask one question though, real quick. OK. In 2003, when you went to Abu Dhabi, did you know Hoyler was going to be somewhere in your future? Absolutely.

So you knew it. I was training for him. You knew it. Now, when you, I'm out again. I'm like, Lee, don't fuck me up because I'm doubting you all. It comes to jiu-jitsu for a second. So when you went down there, your bracket, what was how many people in your bracket?

16. 16. But you knew in the back of your mind. Well, once you saw the bracket, you're like, oh, shit. You knew. If I if I win my first, if I beat my first guy, which I did, and he beats his first guy, we get where the second match. Holy shit.

So I knew I didn't. I don't think the brackets were released until like that day or the day before or whatever. But still, there's a chance I'm going to be in a. Tournament with Hoyle Gracie and there's 16 guys. There's a chance we're going to. And that was the match. That was the Super Bowl match.

Right. That was. And everybody knew. Yeah, that. No matter what happened. It's like when the AFC final game, when it's New England against Baltimore, you know, no matter what happens in Super Bowl, we all know that's the game you want to watch that Sunday.

Yeah. You're following me, even if Baltimore wins and plays the Cowboys, you don't want to see that game. Nobody cares. I'm just saying, I'm just naming two teams. So you guys, this was not the championship bracket. You guys went on the way up and this was the most watched. Everybody knew this is the Mac Daddy and Mac Daddy's.

Well, no one knew me back then, but everybody that knew me, that was the goal. Can we get that match? It was a dream to have a. Not only did he dominate Abu Dhabi before that, he again, no one has scored a point against him and. He's won three years in a row. That was the dominator.

He was the dominator. No one had ever scored against him. No, holy shit. So and he's the son of the Grand Master. Helio Grace, let's go back to six months before the Abu Dhabi. What's going through your fucking mind? Well, that was the trials. We had to win the trials to get to the trials in San Diego.

OK, so you won the trial. Now, where were you at? You didn't have a school then. No, you had your system in the beginning. You had in the back of your mind. No, no, no, I didn't. I was work when I when I won the trials. I was working on Joe's show on Comedy Central as a writer,

you know, that man show when he did that during the man show is when I. No, I won the trials before the man show. And six months later was Abu Dhabi in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Six months later, I was working at Comedy Central with Joe. And then we had we took it was in the contract. We had to take a break at this point because we knew in six we knew exactly the date that we needed to go to Brazil and Joe went with me.

So that was like they had to take a little break from filming in the middle of the season because Joe Joe's gangster to to go to Brazil to fight in the World Championships. You have to win your your trials in like Europe, Australia, North America. I won the North American one and you get a free ticket to the sheet flies you out to Brazil or wherever Abu Dhabi is being held at. ADCC, sometimes in China, Japan. I think they've been in Japan, States, UK, all over the fucking place.

2003, it was in Brazil. I was just happy that I was going to Brazil. To me, winning the trials was you want a free trip to Brazil? Like I didn't. I was a brown belt. I didn't think I was going to do anything significant at Abu Dhabi. I was just happy to be there. That was zero pressure. There was no pressure like here I am, a brown belt in this pool

of World Champion Black belts, Leo Vera, World Champion Black belt, Hoyler, same thing, Gustavo Dantas, Black belts, Berishita. There's all the honey, yeah, yeah. There's all these black belts. So I didn't expect shit. And first guy fought. Well, before that, before that, so we get a free economy seat right to go to Brazil.

I was happy about that. Joe goes gangster and goes, you know what? We're going to go first class to Brazil and the tickets are like $9,000 for first class. But first class was sold out. So we ended up going business class, which was still 7500 bucks 70. That's how gangster Joe is. Joe said, Joe wanted to pay for first class. They just there weren't two seats available.

But Joe said, fuck that economy. We're going first class. So he's like, Joe's like Frank Sinatra. Yeah, so what? We don't have no outside. Who does that? Who the fuck does that? Nobody does that shit.

This time we get to a place and he's like, you know, it's six in the morning. And you and him are having like a good conversation about something. And he gets up to the point and he goes, how are you doing, Joe Rogan? Give me a ticket. And all of a sudden he'll look at you and go, where's Joe sitting in the back? What's it cost to go first class? He'll just do it right there. Yeah.

He'll just do it right there. Joe's gang, Joe's gang. You sit there and go, Joe, please. I don't go fuck. We're having a good conversation. Yeah. Then he gets on the plane. He tells you two things.

They pass us out. You have a conversation by yourself from first fucking class. Dude, I had a hernia, a real bad hernia and didn't have insurance and was just living with it. And Joe paid for that shit. It was like $6,000 or something like that. Joe said, fucking make it happen. Because there was a time when I when I beat Hoyler came back.

I quit the man show like that's when I decided what I was going to do. Because while I was in the man show when I first got hired, I thought, OK, my life was is going to be a hit show. Me and Joe, comedy team, a writing team, this we're going to parlay this into making movies. And then it's going to be fucking huge. That's what I was thinking where my life was going. I wasn't thinking about 10th planet at all.

There wasn't a 10th planet even in my brain. It was just me doing Jiu Jitsu. I'm going to Abu Dhabi to have some fun and see what happens with these black belts and then come back and then make some movies. That's what I thought. And then usher in my music somehow. That's what I'll bring. I'll bring my music in through the soundtrack.

That's what I was thinking. But it didn't work out that way. First day. First day of Comedy Central was just a complete nightmare. Day one from the first five minutes. I'm like, oh, shit, I made the biggest mistake of my motherfucking life. I just quit DJing at a strip club that I was working at for 10 years, making some serious cash nightly. And I just quit because I thought I was Mr.

Movistar now, Mr. Fucking Hughes Brothers. That's what I thought in five minutes. Those dreams vanished once I realized that everyone at Comedy Central just. They hated me. They hated me because Joe made them hire me, you know, so from day one, they just treated me like shit. All of them, the producers, everybody day one.

Because Joe said, if you want me to work on the show, you have to hire Eddie. We're a writing team. And they fought like I'm off Joe had a yell at him. It was crazy because they said, because no, because they said, yes, they said, yes, yes, OK, we'll do whatever you want. He's like, oh, dude, they stabbed him in the fucking back. They told Joe said, I'm on NBC right now. Currently, a fear factor is in its prime.

Why the fuck would I want to do a cable show? But me and Joe, before that, we would just write all these sketches out just for fun. We'd get high and just fucking. We were just writing sketches in our and we had a plan. One day we're going to do a sketch comedy type show, like the Chappelle show type shit. We had all the shit written out and all written out, ready to go. And then he goes, Joe calls. Joe calls and goes, hey, the man show wants me to take over for Adam Carolla.

This is where we could do all our shit. I said, oh, damn, this is it was like destiny. You know, that's what I thought. You have all these fucking wild dreams in your head. And, you know, Joe, Joe said, OK, I'll NBC said it was cool. NBC is being really cool with me, letting me get on Comedy Central. But I got I'm going to hire whoever the fuck I want to hire and whatever. I'm going to be able to have veto power on any sketches and any of my sketches.

I'm going to be able to green light. They said, yeah, yeah, sign right there. And, dude, as soon as they signed everything changed. Oh, because we're we're not hiring this Eddie Bravo guy. He has no TV experience. He's never written. We got all these comedies, these writers that we're going to choose from. And the crazy thing is, Joe, Joe had the power to hire the head writer.

He was the one who picked out the head writer, had dinners. They had to please Joe. They had they went on dinners. So we picked this this douchebag. Soon as he got assigned, he didn't know that Joe didn't know that he also signed like an executive producer, little thing. So he had power. All of a sudden he was going to hire whoever the fuck he wanted to hire.

And Joe couldn't hire who he wanted to hire. It was crazy stabbing the back. So Joe got pretty fucking crazy on them, man. Crazy screaming and yelling. I was like videotaping him on the phone with these producers at Comedy Central. Just like, you guys fucking lied to me, you motherfucker. Joe went off and he he threatened. He goes, I'm going to do this fucking show.

You guys are fucking bullshit me. You guys lied to me. Pa pa pa. So they said, OK, OK, OK, OK, hire this motherfucker. Just hire him and just ignore him. Just hire him. That'll be our loss. So that's how they hired me.

So anyways, I'm fucking depressed. I go to Brazil, beat Hoyler, come back. I said, fuck you guys. I walked off the show before they didn't even have to fire me. I just walked off an open tent, planted up at the bomb squad on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. Day one, it was a Thursday, first Thursday in June, 18 people showed up. It was on.

I found my new call and I'm like, this is what I need to be my own boss. I can't work under all these idiots. I can't do it. And I would rather be broke and unknown with a little school and a kickboxing gym and make money that way and have, you know, and be the be the boss. I got to be able to run my own shit. And I couldn't wait to walk off that goddamn show. I couldn't fucking wait.

It's amazing because I had the same fucking drama with them. You know, I, you know, Joe wanted me to remember that incident. Holy shit. I mean, it's amazing that till this day, they still hold that against me. Like they really. And I get, you know, listen, I could give a Frenchman's fuck, but it was so weird that Joe hired me to run out in front of the audience to first show naked.

Yeah. Yeah. OK, we went. We did the camera roll, not naked. And I ran out there and they loved it with a towel and it was happy. Everyone went nuts. There was nothing that comes Saturday, five o'clock. We're going to do two shows. So I have to do it twice.

I get there Saturday and there's already that's starting to turn that back on me. Yeah. But so I go outside. They rehearsed the producers and shit. The producers. I saw Comedy Central people and I saw a director acting weird. That's what I really learned about this town. Like this is this is fucking crazy.

I knew about this town. I had a book, Louise Guzman, and I had a book, Spider-Man. So Joe calls me for the man show. And I'm like, I really don't want to do the fucking man show because they wanted me to do what the girls called. Juggies. A Juggies. Damn, that was quick. I watched the first. I watched the original one a lot.

They wanted me to be a Joe guy or something like that, like a guy. Yeah. Because crack of his ass came out. Would you be on the trampoline and stuff? No, the first guest was me peeing in a urinal with other guys with my. I just didn't like it. So I'm there on a Saturday morning, a fucking eight in the morning to shoot this pilot that don't shoot till three o'clock in the afternoon. I know I'm thinking about is Louis Guzman is going to pick up

and I'm wasting my time on this fucking show. And I'm going to shoot Spider-Man, too. Why am I shooting this as a jug at or whatever? And I appreciate what Joe did and everything, but I'm just sitting there to wait on top of that. I'm fiends in for a fucking line. It's Saturday. You know what I'm saying? I don't need this shit. I'm a bigot of 10.

That's my. This is 2003. This is 2003. I'm snorting like it's going out of style at that point. I'm doing a grandma and I got the Martell cartel. I got El Scampadre. I got fucking I got three or four drug deals at the time. I'm going deep every night. I got sleep apnea. I'm two hundred and ninety pound three hundred and ninety pounds at the time.

I don't give a fuck. I'm three eighty five. I'm smoking cigarettes. I get the fucking down on where we shoot it. On up. Gower. Off Gower. Oh, no, no, no. It was up. Whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Gower Studios. Right. So I'm saying Gower.

No, no, no. Santa Monica. Santa Monica and La Brea and La Brea around there. When I get there and they're doing all this shit. First, we sat in the writer's office for two hours. Then we got that and Joe got there and then Susman. Everybody's get there. Now, they're all inside. I'm sitting outside getting something, you know, me, the tick tock. I know it's time to smoke a joint.

You know, I don't I know what you guys are doing, but this is what I'm doing. At that time, I was that crazy. I was that crazy at that time. Don't make a difference. So the first time you came out and you ran naked, they Joe was down for this. He thought this would be the greatest.

He was down. We're down. I want to open up the show with the crowd screaming and Joe running out naked and saying, welcome to the man's show or something like that. But here's where it gets fucking kinky. And then you run naked. So they're doing all this rehearsals. You guys have done that during the rehearsal.

This is during the rehearsal. And they loved it. Now, I'm outside and I see this black security guard out there. He's trying to look professional by catches eye. And he catches my eye and I look at him like I'm a wink. And he looks at me and he want to get high. And he goes, absolutely, brother. So we and him go around the corner and we smoke a half a number

of this fucking death on a Sunday on a Saturday morning. So now, so now, boom, Saturday comes. They put me in the end of the rope with a towel underneath. We're about an hour away from shooting. And I see people start to squirm. So I walk behind the thing and I'm, were you ready for rehearsal? And I'm like, we don't know.

The director's like, I don't know what's going on. You know, the producer's like, well, we don't think we're going to do this. And all of a sudden, I told Joe, Joe, I just got fired, you know, they don't want to do it. And Joe's like, what? His face, he's hot already. Like, Joe, they're like, none of this shit already.

This was too much for guys like Joe. This is a little bit too much for guys like Joe. There's certain people, you know, when people get those jobs and they get on substance abuse, like Tim Allen, a lot of those people, there's a reason. Those shows, there's a reason why Dave Chappelle left. Because you argue for your life every day with an original idea.

So I'm not arguing with any Bravo. If I'm a comic, why the fuck am I arguing with this fucking guy? If I got a problem with Jiu-Jitsu, I'll argue with this fucking guy. But what, if he's got a problem with Jiu-Jitsu, why is he arguing with me for? He got a problem with comedy.

He can't argue with me. I've been doing this 20 years. So you got a guy like Joe with that strength arguing with college kids about choices. These guys never know how a comedy is, bro. That's why Chappelle left for the people at home. Because you're getting told your business by people who don't know your business.

They're 20-something-year-old fucking kids. So this is starting to steam up. The way I'm starting to get hot, they're starting to get hot. This is starting to get hot. I see Joe go to Sussman, Sussman goes to Chandra. People are dispersing, but this is when it gets hot. Sussman and Chandra are Joe's manners.

This is when it gets hot, Joe. This is what nobody else saw. That you know who was for this whole time? The director. I don't know what the fuck his name was. I don't give a fuck. Because he sold his soul a long fucking time. He's one of these white guys that thinks he's a biker

and has a motorcycle. I know you're talking about him. You know what I'm saying? His name was Tom. If you give him a line of meth, he'll fucking suck your dick. He's one of those fucking guys. Big fucking tough guy.

Right, so this is what broke my heart. He was mugging it up with Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. I caught him. Guys, this is what's Hollywood. Hollywood is not what you see on a screen. Hollywood is not Brad Pitt. Surviving Hollywood, these people. That this guy was just blowing smoke up Joe's ass.

He told me that day, he goes, this is gonna be one of the funniest things ever on County Central. When you run out of the, Eddie, he told me this to my face. Look at my eyes, I'm telling you. I caught him telling the producers and Zoe Friedman and all the people from County Central.

I heard him, I was right there eight feet away. He goes, Joe Rogan's crazy. He likes this kid. I don't know why. First off, he's a fucking ex-felon and I don't think the stunt is funny. A fat guy running naked, that's never been funny. I'm right there.

Wow. I'm right there, guys. I take my thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I go over, I tell Sassman, Sassman comes up to me. He goes, Sassman tells me like a man. He goes, dog, you do this. They're gonna have a heart attack. And I said, I'm doing it.

And I fucking first show. They said, coming out and I ran out there and guess what? The place went bananas, any problem? Yeah, I was right there. He was right there. Yeah. How could it not?

How could it not? It's a no brain, we're comedians. We know stupid, listen. Didn't they try to stop you from going out? Didn't they have a body guard or something? No, they came up to me and they're like, if you go, you're gonna ruin your chances ever. This is my fuck, yeah.

When I looked at Joe, it was like one fucking Tom Cruise. What did Joe say at that point? Do you remember? Joe was like, go for it. Joe was like, who gives a fuck? Let's go. You're a funny motherfucker. Ain't nothing gonna happen.

When you're funny, you're funny. If you weren't funny, you're gonna have a problem. Is there a clip of that? There's a listen to my- On YouTube? Listen to how funny, this is how unfunny it wasn't. That till this day, Zoe Friedman, I swear to my mother's, I swear to my daughter

at the house right now, she was crying. She was so insulted. I got, I don't wanna see a fat man run naked. I'm a general executive. It's not gonna be funny. I never forget that. I never forget those people from Comedy Central, those fucking Gentiles,

because they're the same fucking people who don't have balls to be Jewish or fucking white. They're just pieces of shit. When they die, their souls are gonna float. They're fucking black people, gonna jerk off on them. That's what's gonna happen. They're the fucking soul. These are the same people that are going,

that's not funny, guys, men, men, men selling their soul going, a fat guy, and I'll never forget. But I did it, I killed, I went, I got changed, we're gonna do two shoots. We're gonna do two shoots for a pilot. Listen to me. So now I'm outside, and my job as a man, they were paying me $347 for the day.

I didn't give a fuck about the $347. If you know anything about me, I was gonna get my hands on that fucking director. It's all right, so now it's me, I'm sitting in the hallway and I see Judy Brown, all these people from who are from Levely today. The Levely, that's them, early Levely. They're walking out of there and they're all looking at me

and they're like, you know, I put their little fucking pussy faces, but guess what? I see him walking by himself, the director. And I'm right there, it's just me and him, dog. And I catch him in the hallway and I go, hey. And he goes, hey man, that was one of the funniest things you've seen.

He put his hand out to me like that. And when I grabbed his hand, I grabbed and I go, hey, I heard what you told those white motherfuckers. I heard what you told them. And I'm gonna tell Joe and Jeff Sussman. And he tried to pull his hand and I held him, dog, I held him, I heard what, and I was crazy.

I had that cocaine firing me. It was six o'clock, they're wasting my time. I could have been fucking a grandma blow by that, because I didn't have money in those days. They're wasting my time. They're wasting my time. I could have had a grandma blow. By now on the on, but I'm working and wasting my time

with you. Dante wouldn't deliver it to the fucking lot. So I grabbed his hand and he said, get away from me. I'm calling security and he ran out and called the black guy. And the black guy was like, tell it to the hand, bitch. That's my dog. You're lucky I don't smack you. And that's why he ran to Sussman.

Remember he ran off the property. He ran to the pipe. This is real on a Saturday at five o'clock. You never told the story before on your podcast? No, Sussman had to walk me off the lot. This is epic, epic shit. Walkman's had a sw- Walked, Sussman came up to me,

his brother a little scared. They asked if I could walk you off the lot. I mean, he had to walk me to Santa Monica Boulevard to my car. But that's how funny that day was. Cause I told the guy, I know what you did. It's all right. I ain't mad at you.

We know what you did. What did I do? You told the producers it wasn't fun. No, I didn't. Then I grabbed his hand more. Oh, I love all that shit. I love all that, that man on fire shit. I love when you let somebody know you got him.

I let him know we had him. And I see- And you have no guilt. You have no guilt cause you just know a hundred percent. You heard it. You saw it. It's a piece of shit. Piece of shit.

And there's zero holding back now. Piece of shit. And you never went to an audition and saw him again? Never. Like I just imagine like, you're going to go into something now. He dated Sarah Suman for a while, that guy. He did a lot of like hollywood-y stuff.

And it's just crazy the people you meet along the way guys. It's really- The very first day, dude. The very first day. Me and Joe came in with 30 sketches written out ready to go. Chris McGuire was there. Ready to go. Joe also hired Chris McGuire and Matty Kersh.

Matty Kersh. He got us three in. And they were okay with- Matt Kersh. And yeah, they were cool cause they were experienced in writing and comedy. Yeah, that's what they do. Yeah, they-

Chris McGuire said, hey, Chris is a head writer. Yeah, exactly. That's how he got started. And he had a lot of experience at that point. So when Joe brought them in, they said, okay, we'll hire. We have 10 spots for writers. There's a head writer, which the guy you're talking about

was actually the head writer. Chris was right. And then 10 writers. So the head writer put all, is this a Porsche? What's that guy's name? Brian Porsche. Put him in there. He was one of the writers.

Pursane. Brian Pursane. Yeah, he was one of the writers. Really? So he was on the team and they only had 10 spots and they wanted to give it to another guy that the head writer wanted to bring in. So then when Joe put his foot down,

they brought me in. But day one, when we came in, day fucking one, we were to work on the Miami episode. Do you remember what that was? With the rafts and all that? Yeah, I went to Fidel with you guys. With the rafts. Yes.

Well, before we were preparing for that. The worst sketches of all time. Yes. Being dressed as Fidel on a raft with girls blowing water at me with machine guns. I mean, it was ridiculous. I went to Miami for one sketch. I sat in my room, made Cuban food and snored a blow.

And it never made it on air, right? And we went to a UFC that had 60 people at the event. Yeah, yeah. That was the UFC. 2003, there was, I swear to God, maybe 500 people at that event. The big star was Shaquille O'Neal. That was the first UFC I did ever.

No, he was sitting in the side. Oh, okay. Nobody showed up. There was no. Barone and Rogan commentated. Goldberg couldn't make that show. So there was no play-by-play guy. Just two shit talkers.

It was very awkward. It was the most awkward broadcast in UFC history. My Apple guy, not BJ Penn, but somebody from Hawaii, a fat guy. Cabbage. Cabbage. You remember cabbage? Cabbage, fucking hysterical.

I remember me and Joe ate the same, from the same Cuban restaurant, nine times in four days. Yeah, we were all there, yeah. You, me, oh my God. I remember that. Irish was bringing me coke. That was the very first UFC I worked.

That was the first one. Miami was show one. Nobody there. I was interviewing doors. They didn't know what to do with me. They just hired and they're like, fuck, have them backstage interviewing people. Everyone closed the door.

So I'm like, hey, I'm mighty bravo on backstage. There's like a door. And I forget what fighters I was talking about, but it just retarded. People just trashed me online. They fucking torched me now. Mr. Door interviewer. That's actually me, that gloomy man.

Yeah, you need to do the whole thing? No, I saved it for some blind kids. Yeah, eat the whole fucking thing. Come on. What's up, my brother? No, that's just, I told you, I got lost and I've lived in the same area for three years and I got lost four times going home on Wednesday

from that shit. That shit is crazy. I called him, bro. I called him like every hour of the hour. He answered the phone. Hello. Come on, let's go. I'm outside.

No, you're not. I'm not going out. That's just crazy. So, all right, let me bravo. So now you go to Abu Dhabi, you beat him. You beat him. Well, I beat Gustavo Dantos. Gustavo Dantos.

And right there, that was my first match. I thought, okay, I'm going to get smoked here or maybe I could hang with them. I don't know what to expect. I'm a brown belt. This is like the highest level ever. Now, at this time, how long total had you been training Jiu-Jitsu?

Nine years. And what did you think of Jiu-Jitsu at this time? Did you think you would be making a living off it? Was it going to be a hobby? What were you thinking? You had already created the twister? The twister is an old wrestling move called the wrestler's guillotine.

And Brazilians started calling it the twister. I always called it the guillotine, but in grappling, the guillotine was a front head lock choke. So it just became a twister. But that, so after I beat my first guy, I thought I choked him out and I thought, shit, I can do, I got a Heuler next, holy shit. I think I felt confident.

I felt like, wow, the Heuler doesn't look too strong. Any time I look at someone that doesn't look as strong as I do, I feel, I have a lot of confidence. Let's just put it that way. If I feel you're stronger than me and you're bigger than me, that's when I think, damn, this guy might be strong. This guy's a beast. He might be able to block all my shit.

But I looked at Heuler and he's never had that Tyron Woodley type physique. He's just a regular dude, just like me. So I just choked out a world champion black belt. Now I got Heuler next, he's standing across. Not to interrupt. Where's John Jock at this point? He didn't make that trip.

He couldn't go, it was just me and Joe. And so- And there was no sign of him. And so- And there was no cell phone to call John Jock and say, bitch, you ain't gonna believe this shit. Right or wrong. There was no Twitter then.

No. For him to tweet it. If he brought it up, did it. Nothing. No. Imagine how much time has it changed, like then if you called from on Sprint. No, there was an internet shit.

Immediately banned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have been going for it. So now, between the fight when you beat the first guy, Gustavo. Gustavo, how much time did you have? About maybe 30 minutes, maybe. Oh my fuck, Gustavo.

I don't remember to tell you the truth. No, no, how many minutes did you go with this Gustavo guy? Oh, nine minutes. Jesus fuck, if I went nine minutes away, I would have to take two days off. That's when I walked in. But that was a weird match because the only reason it took so long is we both pulled guard

and I forced him on top of me. It was really funny, like no one really fights like that. We're both trying to pull guard and then I won. I clenched him up, had double underhooks locked down. I threw a plan B on him and ended up inside control. I swept him and I was just waiting. I was just in twisters side control, waiting for him to turn into me.

I was just put him right into the, use the truck transition to get the back as twisters were legal, but I was gonna do everything twister except the end. Just choke him out. And he wouldn't move inside control. He just stayed there. So I was just waiting for him to move.

And it went on from like in that position, probably five or six minutes where he would just turtled up and wouldn't move. And I was just waiting for him to move. And his coach was yelling in Portuguese. His coach, forget who he was, but he was yelling in Portuguese to the ref. You know, he's stalling, stand him up.

You're stalling like, you can't stand people up in a grappling match is ridiculous. Can't stand anybody up. I go, he's the one. And then I thought about what Mark Lehmann said about competing in Brazil, in Brazilian jujitsu. Like you're always gonna get the raw deal and decisions. And so I thought maybe they will stand me up.

This is Brazil, this is a Brazilian ref, his coach. So I started yelling at my corner and started going, Jamie Walsh was in my corner. He was my strength and conditioning guy. And I was yelling at Jamie. Don't let them stand me up because I'm about to tap this guy. So I had to get really cocky.

It's just so that they wouldn't stand us up. I thought maybe they would, that would be fucked. I'm waiting for him to move. So we just stood there, we were arguing during the match. I'm arguing with these guys. So I had to get a little cocky just so they wouldn't stand me up. I started saying, I'm about to tap him.

I'm not stalling. I'm gonna tap him right now, watch this. You know what I mean? I had to go there and be an arrogant prick just so that they wouldn't stand us up. And the match was over in 10 minutes and like nine minutes, 30, he had to make a move. I go, I won, technically.

I'm talking to these guys. I'm winning. I don't have, there's no stand-ups in the rules. I'm right here. So he makes a move, bam, transition of the truck. And then I went from the truck to the back and choked him out. And I thought, hmm, I can compete with these guys.

They don't seem like they're very strong. So when I went against Heuler, I looked across the ring for me and it was weird. I was like, starstruck. Like, this is my hero. This is the guy that I've watched hundreds of times on Gracie in action tapes. And here, damn, he's right here.

Holy shit. And, but when we locked up, he was way stronger than he looked. I remember thinking, fuck, this guy is strong as hell. Holy shit. And doubted myself throughout the whole match. What am I gonna disguise an animal? But luckily I caught him being aggressive

because if he would've just stayed in my guard and let the time run out, he was up on points he would've won. But he tried to pass. He stuck, I had him in some rubber guard. He knee-sliced through. And when he did, he sliced right to side control. I jail-braked him right into butterfly

and then bam, just did an old John Jock transition totally out of DNA. I didn't even remember how I set it up backstage after I got him in that triangle. I couldn't remember how I set him up. I thought I got him in rubber guard. I didn't remember. I had to watch the tape going, oh shit,

I did the John Jock. I just did the basic shit we always drilled. And overhook on one side, John Jock is overhook heavy. A lot of Brazilian jiu-jitsu players know what the overhook game is, but John Jock actually lives it. So very few people have his style.

So I just went right to the John Jock style right there. Boom. Passed the guard. He should have stayed in the guard. He would have won. He passed, jail-braked him, transitioned right into butterfly, swept him, he based, caught his wrist, and bam, hit him with the triangle.

Once it was cinched, I knew there was no way he was gonna get out, impossible. As long as my legs were stayed cinched, so I grabbed my foot like this, I never, ever did that before in my life. Just cause I knew it was like, here's the Super Bowl, here's the Super Bowl. All I gotta do is make this,

make sure this shit doesn't open up and he's done. And I was holding like this, it's crazy. And man, and you know, shit, that changed my life right there. Larry calls me up afterwards when we get back, but I got crushed the next match, the quarter-finals I was going against. That's the guy I was really afraid of.

I wasn't afraid of Heuler, because if he would have beat me, so what? That's a legend. I wasn't like afraid to get beaten by a legend. I'm not afraid of that. Just to get to roll with them and it's recorded. I'm like, shit, I'm in this motherfucker. You know what I mean?

It's like, I photo bombed this match somehow. Like, how am I competing against this legend? I got lucky, I won the trials and I got put in the same side bracket. I'm like, that's like, just going against him, I hit the line. You've never been good for you yet. Yeah, of course I wanted to win,

but to me, I had zero pressure. I'm like, and the one guy that I was worried about was Leo Vera, because that guy's the new young gun, didn't have a big name at all. No one really knew about him. So getting beat by him wouldn't be good. You know, he's just, but if people that knew Jiu-Jitsu, well, they knew that he was a beast.

And the Abu Dhabi before he was at 170, I was competing at 145 and he went against Jean-Jacques at 170, the Abu Dhabi before. Jean-Jacques smoked him on points, but couldn't finish him. So that scared me. My damn, this guy, even though he got smoked on points, he survived with the Jean-Jacques. I'm like, I don't survive with Jean-Jacques.

Jean-Jacques smashes me, destroys me. So in the back of my head, the glory was, I hope I get matched up with Hoyler, because whatever happens, I'm gonna fucking match with Hoyler. I could show my grandkids, you know? That's all it was. I'm not trying to be this world champion

or anything like that. I'm gonna be a world champion Jiu-Jitsu player or I'm gonna win the gold at Abu Dhabi. I was just doing it just to see how far I could get. And with no expectations at all, I was just like happy just that I won the trip to Brazil. I was like, oh, I got to compete too while I'm on vacation, but really it's about a free trip to Brazil

in the middle of the dark ages in Comedy Central. It was so dark. I was not suicidal, but I could sympathize with people that commit suicide over like bad business deals and shit like that. That was the worst decision I made in my life, quitting that strip club DJ job for this piece of shit job, writing for the man show when everyone fucking hates me.

We come in day one with 30 sketches and they say, okay, write new ones. We don't even want to see those. What day one? They sat us in these fucking cubicles. Day one, like, oh shit, what about all the shit I brought in and they're like, you write some new shit. You're gonna sit with this guy in this room.

Like all day we're trying to come up with new shit. I'm like, oh, my best shit is right there. You have that stack of shit. That's my best shit. I got to come up. So I knew they just ignored all me and Joe shit and me and Joe at lunch, like there's a problem there. And he goes, yeah, me and Joe like day one.

That was hours into day one, first day of school going, oh shit, I fucked up. Oh, I fucked up. This is fucking a nightmare. Worst nightmare ever. So that day I couldn't come up with new shit in one day. I got, dude, we got like three years of shit right there. You can't just come up with a great song right there.

Shit, what are these fucking guys? They don't have no idea. So at the end of the day, which was a nightmare and I felt like shooting myself because I couldn't get those strip club D because I was kind of like, I'm gone. Fuck you guys. I'm blowing up.

I deserve that shit. So at the end of the day, day one, I say, Joe, I can't fucking right here and these fucking little ones with these other right. I can't, this is not, I can't do this. Joe goes, I can't do it either. Because Joe couldn't come up with shit on the spot right there either.

So me and Joe goes, hey, listen, this is what we're going to do. He tells the producers, he sits them all down. This is what we're going to do. Me and Eddie, we can't ride in this environment. We need to be relaxed, my house, smoke and weed and chill it out. So we're going to, our work is going to be at my house.

They said, okay, get the fuck out of here. We don't need you guys anyways. Just show up and do the work and memorize these lines. They're just like, please go, we'll pay him. So my job from that point on was to meet Joe at Joe's house and we just chill and we write sketches there. Dude, night fucking there. Every day we had to come up with some new shit.

Every day as a writer, you got to email him a new sketch every day, some new shit. And you just, most of it was dumb and it didn't get green-lighted that you, they looked through all everyone's shit and they green-light that one, they green-light that one. They were just ignoring all the shit that I came up with at Joe's.

But we'd come up with, it would be hours. Me and Joe were trying to think of a fucking idea at his house, stoned as fuck. I'm thinking, I wanna shoot myself. I'm barely able to hold it in. I'm about to explode my heart's about and I'm just fucking keeping it all and I'm about to fucking explode every day.

I can't believe the decision I made. That's when I started thinking about doing MMA. I go, this show's gonna get fucking canceled and then what am I gonna do? I might have to fucking do MMA. I can't go back to regular jobs. Nightmare, damn. But then we'd come up with an idea

and then it goes, yeah. And then me and Joe were riff on it, boom, boom, we got it. Save that day, holy shit. We got something legit that we could send in that they're gonna reject. It was always too dirty, too dirty, too expensive, all that shit. So, but as long as they're kept paying,

I go, every week I gotta check. I would show up to the lot only during filming when there were filming sketches that there were, and I'm watching these sketches thinking they're retarded, like this is fucking stupid. This shit's getting green lit and I was honest because the shit that got green lit, it was good because the shit that got green lit,

all the writers got an email of the sketch that got green lit and I would say, I'm like, that's stupid, that's retarded, that's retarded. Me and Joe got shit that would smash that shit. This is retarded. And then a good word would come through. I'm like, that's a good one. Like Doug Stanhope's decapasac.

When I read that shit, it was incredible. It was a commercial parody for guys that wear fanny packs and like man purses, but they're really fucking ashamed of it. They feel like too girly and then some people won't even wear fanny packs. So a decapasac is a purse that looks like a chopped off head and you grab it by the hair

and you just walk around and look like a barbarian and then you open up the top and you put your fucking wallet in your cell phone and close it up. So it's an insecure fanny pack, dudes for, you know. Anyways, I thought that was awesome. And then there was this other one too, this other, it was like a Jamie Kennedy type sketch.

It was great. Again, Doug Stanhope, it was one of his, he was a big part of it. A long haired writer wrote it. I forget that dude's name, but it was a band audition. Like people, easy to get people. Audition for this band with this big deal. Everyone will line up.

You just put an ad out. You get all these motherfuckers coming in and they film them being auditioned, you know. Then it slowly, slowly turns into it. They're a gay band and they're doing gay shit and they're seeing how gay the guy would get for the gig. Some guys were just going for, some guys just completely just unplugged their shit

and they walked out. It was good. So the man show did have some good shit. And I wrote a sketch. The only thing that they used, they used two things that I wrote. I always did commercial parody type shit. I don't, that's how my, I don't know.

Just commercial parody. And there was one called the fart tube, which is a tube that goes in your ass and it comes around and it comes right into your nose. So you get like, to get the full aroma of the, cause by the time regular farts hit your nose, like 80% of the gas is already dissipated. You don't get that clean.

You don't really, the essence. So anyways, there was a fart tube. They used that. And that was stupid. And also a sketch where Dr. Phil is a coke head, fucking whore mongers at strip clubs. I had the sketch where he's just like, this is party animal, he's just banging on all these tricks.

They ended up taking that sketch and made it way better. They turned it into like a realities, like a Jamie Kennedy type thing where they got a look-alike. A dude who looked just like, what's his name, Dr. Phil. And he's citing books. It's like a book signing, Dr. Phil book signing with fucking hidden cameras. Hey, you grabbed Chick's asses.

Yes, yes. And then he would ask them for their number and ask them for Coke and shit. And they'd be like, uh-huh, can you get me an eight ball or whatever. And it was so good that they did part two, two separate episodes. So the reality part of it wasn't mind.

You actually had a fictional sketch written about it, but they did take the idea for me and ran it into two sketches. But that's basically it. They only used two things that I wrote and man, it was the darkest period of my life. Dark. So when I came back, Larry goes, dude, fuck.

Cause Larry knew how I was really feeling inside how the darkness was just melting my soul. And he said, dude, this is it. You open up a fucking school. I'll buy the mats for you. You just pay me back. Get away from this fucking darkness. And I thought, fuck, yeah.

He called me from Vegas. He goes, dude, I'm in Vegas right now. And there's some dudes talking about you, I think it's time to open up a school. I think you made your mark. Cause you know, I get crushed by Leo Vieira cause back to the whole Leo Vieira thing. He, after I beat Heuler, I already knew Leo Vieira was next,

man, so it was weird. It's like, I won the Super Bowl, but yeah, you just won the Super Bowl. I got a little pro bowl. Now you got to do the Super Bowl again. Yeah. Again, you won this one. Why can't I be a Super Bowl champion for a year?

Why? At least for a night, they should have had those finals the next, the next, cause they do that sometimes they split them up, but they wanted to get the first three matches done Saturday. So I, I win the Super Bowl, tap out for the Gracie in Brazil. But I already knew that this is going to all come to an end. It's like winning a billion dollars,

but you know, the IRS is coming and it's telling you, you owe $2 billion. Like I won a billion dollars, but I know it's going to be taken away. So I was pretty depressed after that. It was like, like the Twilight Zone. Like I fucking did it. I pulled this fucking, the biggest upset off in jiu-jitsu history.

And then I get smashed by Leo Viera and I got smashed because I had zero confidence now. Enter that match. I'm like thinking, fuck, I'm backstage before the match. I'm like, fuck, everyone's going, dude, you fucking won. You won, you pulled it off. You know how crazy this is? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's pretty crazy, huh?

I'm thinking about Leo Viera. Fuck, God damn it. John Jock couldn't top him. This guy is a beast. He's an animal. He's the new super athletic, super acrobatical, very hard to handle, just a specimen can do back flips and all sorts of shit.

So he's really worried about me though. He was watching me back at the trial six months earlier and he talked about this in the interview was studying my style. He knew that I always invited people to my strong side and half guard and people were like, so damn, they were so appreciative that I'm just gonna sit on my butt

and let you have half guard that they would just, they would always just take the offer because I'm giving them so much. I'm giving them an offer they can't refuse. Just come to this side over here, an offer. But no one went the other way. So he's talking about this interview and that's how he approached my match.

But before I was, I had so little confidence and was so just fucking spent from all that emotional trip I was going through with the Heuler one, it was just so weird. It was a twilight. Watch the Heuler match. Once it's over, you know you're done. I didn't know until you told me years later,

I didn't know who the fuck Leo Vieira was, nothing. But anybody who knows when Joe Rogan ran up to you and you woke up, you were done emotionally. And if you're done emotionally, there ain't no fucking physical. Cause these things emotionally gonna light your fucking firecracker under your fucking ass. You gotta go in there and get some.

So in a way, now I see it. Now I see it in my mind. How the story goes. I was crying and shit. I was crying worse than BJ Penn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyways, I come out and this is the crazy party. Come out and it's loud and shit.

It's some arena in Sao Paulo. And I walk out to the mat and we're about to go and he's sitting like Indian style on the mat, yoga mat, yoga mat and it's loud and shit. And I walk out and I watch him and he's doing like some yoga breathing. With his eyes closed and his hands out. So he's sitting like and low to get ready for me.

Getting ready for me. He's like, he's been watching me. Like, oh shit, I've been watching and studying this guy and look at him as a brown belt. He just tapped out two world champion black belts. Rear naked choke, the first one. Triangle toilet, Gracie. He's scared of death of me.

He's sitting there, comprito, his coaches yell. It's like leaning over yelling at him. Like shit in Portuguese, words of encouragement. Stay focused, you could do this. Meanwhile, I'm walking around watching him going, that is so unnecessary. You're gonna fuck me up. Why are you tripping?

I don't have shit. There's no way I'm gonna beat you. That's, my mind was defeated. I went in there with the worst possible mental. He probably would have beat me anyways. I'm not using that as an excuse. I'm just telling you exactly what was going on. This is the truth.

So when we locked up, man, I couldn't do shit to him. He passed my, but he wouldn't stay engaged. He kept, they say, man, he passed your guard nine times. I'm like, yeah, but you should pass once and then close the deal maybe twice and then close the deal. Why is he passing nine times? Because he kept disengaging.

He didn't really want me to get my mitts on him. Little did he know I had nothing. I was just listless out there. I was just listless. I had nothing, but halfway through that match, I woke up. He was already up like nine to nothing or whatever, but he was already killing me, but I woke up. I wasn't like, what the fuck am I doing?

He hasn't done shit to me. He was all over me, but he couldn't finish me. I go, I gotta go after this dude. And I went after him, fucked up my rib while I decided to make the big move. Would have lost anyways, but I popped my rib in the process and I survived, but he killed me by a million points. I thought everyone was gonna remember that.

I thought that just killed winning the Super Bowl. So I thought, I was kind of depressed. I'm like, everyone's like, dude, you fucking pulled it off. I'm like, yeah, they're just being nice, but while I'm not back, they're saying, but you got killed by Leo Vieira. So that was like the thing. But once I started getting on the internet,

people were just focused on like, how the fuck did this Brown belt tap out of the grace? Like how the fuck did that happen? He said, I got lucky in interviews and it wouldn't, you know, everyone, everyone makes a mistake every now and then, but, you know, nine out of 10 times, all they would do would beat him,

papapa, all that kind of stuff. So that's when I thought, shit, people don't believe it. People think I was lucky, beautiful. Then that means I might get another shot to fight him again. I could do this twice. I got lucky enough to face him once. And damn, I got a really good excuse to go against him twice.

I already beat him. And he's saying, I got lucky. So I wasn't trying to get the rematch again, just to get to go with him again. You know what I mean? Win or lose. I have the opportunity to do it twice. So that's why I went after it,

not because I want to prove that 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu is better than, you know, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. That's not what it's all about. It's all Jiu-Jitsu. It's not what it's all about. Me dropping the gi, when I opened up my first school after I walked off the comedy center, every night, my main focus at that point

was not winning points tournaments or tournaments that score with advantages. That was not my main goal. That's all beautiful and everything. But my main goal with Jiu-Jitsu was to fix the problem in MMA. And the problem in MMA was the bottom game. There's problems all over the place.

I mean, I could sit here for hours and talk about it, but the biggest glaring problem was the bottom game. You go to a Gi-Jiu-Jitsu tournament or just a Gi-Jiu-Jitsu school. You see sweeps all over the place. You see finishes off your back all over the place. But in MMA and the UFC, we weren't seeing anything. We weren't seeing anything.

There's no collar, there's no sleeve, and a dude's trying to punch an elbow you. It's a whole different dimension. So for Jiu-Jitsu, I thought more people would agree with me and join in with me. Look, Jiu-Jitsu's looking like shit in the UFC. I'm gonna do what I can to try to fix that problem. That was priority number one.

Yes, I had a team that competed in no-gi tournaments, obviously, and that was awesome. And we focused a little on that too. But the main focus has always been fixing the problems in Jiu-Jitsu. That's all. There was four Jiu-Jitsu where, not for wrestling, not for sambal bow,

trying to fix the problem. So, man, when I opened up that school, that's what it was all about. We weren't gonna work on wrestling. Wrestling was not the problem with Jiu-Jitsu in MMA. Actually, it was the takedowns and all that stuff, but when you're going against dudes that wrestled their whole life,

you work on your wrestling, you could be wasting, even if you spent four or five straight years on your wrestling as a Jiu-Jitsu guy, you could be wasting your time. You're going against guys that have been wrestling 15, 16 years, 20 years. So to me, you gotta work on your wrestling, it's a good thing, but don't come to me

for fucking wrestling. Go to a real legit wrestling coach. What I'm gonna do is we're gonna be really heavy on finishing, submitting, get mastery in all angles of chokes. Focus on the bottom game. Let's fix it. That's what the rubber guard's all about.

That's what the lockdown half is all about. Bottom game, clenching bottom game for MMA. If it works best for MMA, then it works best in any fight scenario, percentage wise. So that's what I was focused on the most. I wasn't focused. We obviously, every Jiu-Jitsu school works on passing and top game and mounting.

We always work on that, but as far as being heavy-based, we're bottom heavy-based. That's what we've always been. And you have, the average guy has two hours of drilling time a week, and you gotta figure out how you're gonna divvy it up. You're gonna spend most of that time on what?

You can spend half of it on defense and then half of it on offense. That's smart. That's a good thing to do, but that's not, the defense wasn't the problem in the UFC. It wasn't like, the problem was, the problem wasn't Jiu-Jitsu fighters getting choked out by wrestlers

or Jiu-Jitsu fighters getting submitted and like, fuck, we gotta get better defense, man. It's dead defensive. If that was the problem, 10th panel Jiu-Jitsu would be defense heavy. If that was the problem, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was, wrestlers were taking Jiu-Jitsu guys down and Jiu-Jitsu guys didn't have an offensive enough guard

to do anything about it. They would get all these black belts. They come in, and the prelims, if they survive the prelims and get to the main card, you see why they get cut. Look at all the Jiu-Jitsu black belts and look at why they got cut. And they got cut most of the time

because eventually they run into guys, the higher they get, the higher they climb, they're gonna run into dudes, they can't take down. They're everywhere, those dudes are everywhere, so hard to take people down. So then what are you gonna do? Or you have a guy that takes you down at will. Now you don't really have that no-geek, clenching guard

that addresses punches and elbows and it's clear and obvious that it's being addressed. Most Jiu-Jitsu guys, they are convinced and there's this big brainwash going on that somehow yanking and pulling on collars and sleeves is better for clenching and squeezing over hooks, hunter hooks and head control than the clenching and squeezing itself doesn't make any sense.

But the overall consensus is yes, if you're gonna be an MMA fighter and you wanna be a champion, train in the gi. And that's one of those things that is mind-boggling for me. It's like we see these guys that train mostly in the gi in MMA, we see that they're doing very little off their back, it's very rare. But in the gi, they do it all the time.

What's the difference here? It's the gi and there's the lack of punches. That's why you're tournaments with the gi, grappling with the gi looks so much different than without the gi with punches and strikes and you have to address it. And the brainwash that the yanking and the pulling of the collars somehow

makes your clenching and squeezing better. It's insane, it's insane, but that's what people believe. It's incredible, it's like power seven. It's like fuck, you think fire's brought that motherfucker down, you've seen five different videos, you think fire, it's never happened ever, control demo expert after control demo expert on video is watching it and then they go control demo, it's a professional job.

Fire's brought it down, the gi makes your no gi better. In fucking credible, in fucking credible the world we live in, that's scary shit right there. So let's say, cause I've seen, I know what you're talking about, so let's say you do have a UFC fighter and he's doing well, all eyeballs around him and for some reason he runs into a wrestler, right? And maybe he doesn't get submitted

but he spends a lot of time in his back. The next, what do they call those? What do they show him on Mondays and Tuesdays about the fight coming up the week, like the UFC preview, they'll show him in a gi. Somewhere, like he went back to the gi, the training and shit, and now I know what you mean, instead of training in, well it's the same speech

you gave me at Houston's, one of the best Jiu Jitsu speeches I ever heard, it was like, you know how people go crazy now, what's that thing that Pat Nozzel does up in Montreal, the state of the union address, for me, this was the state of the union address, I wish I would have taped it, Eddie, because it got me even looking at the UFC differently.

You were talking to me, this has to be when Houston's was still around, this is four years ago, right, four or five years ago, and you were saying how the evolution that more wrestlers are coming in and how these guys got one on their fight off their back, that what are you gonna do, and I remember listening to that to heart

and going home and watching videos and going, Eddie's right, and it's funny like now, I'm just starting Jiu Jitsu and I'm on my back sometimes and I can get on top but I don't like it, I like being on my back because I wanna learn how to get myself out of a fucked up position, just because of the speeches you told me, I always try to work on my hip escapes, I do them slow,

I'm fucking terrible, but I remembered that speech, how important it is, you know, and that's why it all works, you're right with what you're saying, see I didn't know the contrast in styles with no gi and gi meant, I just wanna learn gi to learn the basics and then come to you when I was good and ready but it wasn't even about that, it was more about the breathing for me,

getting into the shape for Jiu Jitsu wise. And convenience for you, there's no way you're gonna, I teach downtown, you hate traffic, there's no way you're gonna go, if I had a school next to your house, you'd be there, yeah, so, yeah, so I did, I understand. I love it, I love it that you understand, I fucking hate driving, I hate driving in Los Angeles guys,

I don't know why, it stops me from a lot of things, like when the guy from modern family won the Emmy this year, the guy that plays gay guy, I don't know if you've watched modern family, I don't watch it. The big guy or the little guy? The little guy, he said. He got the Emmy?

Well the show got the Emmy and he went up there and he goes, you know, for people who watch and I always went to those auditions down at 545, down at the Santa Monica, that's like death for people. When your agent calls you at one, you think twice about answering their phone because it's always, hi, they wanna see you 450 on Santa Monica and Fifth Street.

Waste your motherfucking time. Oh, that is the whole drive down that you're cursing yourself, you're thinking why you're going down, then you get on the 405, that's the day when they have 10 accidents, it's a horror show. But to go to those, it takes fucking,

and for me, bro, I just tell the guy, I tell him the truth, would you ask your mother to go down there? I asked the first guy one time. I asked him, and I don't ask him like that, I don't ask him like that, I go, can I ask you a question? You know, we're friends a long time,

you were a represent, yeah, what's up Joey? This audition at 545, would you ask your mother to go down there, and there's just silence, and then they laugh, and they go, I get it, all right, thank you. When you open the tunnel, it's tomorrow, decent hours, 545 on the fucking, and they're always with Latino roles.

That's what really pisses me off. Every Latino role that agent tries to get me in, it's always late. They don't like seeing Latino earlys, and that pisses me the fuck off. I'm not even being funny here. Well, in their defense, most Latins don't wake up until after.

I don't give a fuck, this Latin gets up fucking early. You wanna see Papa, you see me on the normal fucking circumstances, with no traffic go, you know what I'm saying? Normal fucking circumstances. This card, this Metamorris card. Now, do they always do it in San Diego, Eddie? Or they travel with this Metamorris card?

No, there's not a, they did the first two, no, the first show in San Diego, the second show at the UCLA, Paulie Pavilion, and then this one's in LA at the Peterson Museum, the event center. Oh, where they killed Biggie. Yes. Really?

Yes. That's on Long Beach? No, that's on Fairfax and Los Angeles. Right, right, right, that's where they killed Biggie outside of the fucking thing. You know, for people who don't know, you're headlining a spectacular night of jiu-jitsu. It's just spectacular.

Yeah, a lot of great places. Just looking at the schedule, I was coming all over myself. You really got Vinny Magalish, you got Babaloo, you know. You got, Jaffa Mendez, Guy Mendez, Sean Roberts, Kenan Cornelius. Shinya Aoki.

No, no, he's not. Oh, he's not doing it? Ron Gracie. No, that's a, that's a. Damn! That's M2. No, I'm saying I'm fine. This is M3.

No. God damn it! That was the wrong. They gave me the wrong information. Mother fuckers. Well, you know who's headlining, so that's good enough. That's all that matters, though. And you're ready spiritually.

The Indian hasn't been out. Yeah, you know what's been, you know, Jean Jacques training with him as just, my defense is better than ever. He's, he's a defensive master. So I wanted to clean up my defense. I think I have enough offense for him. I don't think I need to come up with new shit or anything,

but I don't need any new offense. I have plenty, but I do have gaping holes in my defense. So it was a good time to plug up as many holes as possible. So, I mean, Jean Jacques just killing it with the way I look at defense now. And I'm way harder to tap now than ever before. Not saying that Hoyler can't tap me, because I do can tap anybody,

but it's harder now than ever before. I'm way harder to tap with leg locks than ever before. I could still get caught. You know, I've had so many people start on my back Jean Jacques just puts together these shark tanks that just destroy me. We just start dudes on my back and the mount, knee on the belly, worked on that just,

and now what that does to your confidence, and he always told me, he's like, man, the better your defense, the more confidence you have. And I just ignore that. I was only interested in offense, and I was proud of saying my offense is my defense. You know, I just attack. I'm not waiting for shit.

I'm going after you. I'm going to put you on defense. But, you know, that's a good attitude to have, like in a strategy, in a match, a single match, but an overall Jiu-Jitsu philosophy. That's, you could have both. You could be, you could have really good offense and really good defense.

And now this is a new era in me. I'm really loving defense. And defense is 100 times more complicated than offense. There's so much more because to put together submission, whether it's a triangle or a choke, your body has to be in a certain position. It's like building a building. You have to put everything together correctly.

But there's a million ways to take that building down. You could disrupt that shit at any point of construction. You could tear that shit apart in a whole new way. And man, it's fascinating asking master after master their philosophy on like a rear naked choke defense or a leg lock defensive move or how do you get out of a triangle? Everybody has their own way of getting out of triangles.

And there's so much more defense. It's become an obsession of mine. I'm loving it. And John Jock, he was right. Like always, he's always right. The more defense you have, the more confidence you have. And that is instilled a lot of confidence in me, my defense now, man.

All these shark tanks are just people just jump, jump. I still have holes. There will always be holes. And I'm not gonna expose those holes. There's still some positions that I still need to work on. And I got another week and I'm gonna work on those positions all week too. But another thing that's really helped my confidence as well

is doing the swimming sprints. And man, I'm not a professional athlete. I haven't competed in 11 years. I'm not like this. I never had a dream of being a UFC champion or a Mundial champion or anything like that. You know, I've said this a million times. My dreams were always in music.

And so I never had those dreams, but I'm just, you know, but so I never really did that much cardio ever. I just did jiu-jitsu for the fun of it. I love sharing the knowledge. I love rolling with students, people coming through town, rolling on the road, it's the rolling itself. That's like playing video games with your buddies. You know, I love that and teaching

and watching my students grow. I love all that stuff. So I never really did cardio. Never really did it. So I thought maybe in this camp, maybe I'll just do a lot of jiu-jitsu and not do cardio. I thought about that for a second, but then I thought, you know what?

That's only gonna lead doubt in my mind. I don't wanna leave any doubt. I wanna walk onto that mat and know that I did everything possible. So I thought, okay, what am I gonna do for cardio? Am I gonna run? What am I gonna, am I gonna bike and all that shit? So I thought I'm gonna swim

because I did some swimming the first time I went to Abu Dhabi and I liked it. So I had figured out what I'm gonna, how I'm gonna, I'm not a professional trainer. I don't know shit, what am I gonna do? So I go to 24 hour fitness by myself, look at the pool. I go, oh, they got a clock up there. They got giant clocks.

So I go, okay, okay, people time themselves. So I just decided to see how fast it would take for me to swim across, and I'm not a great swimmer, how fast it would take to sprint swim across the pool. It takes about 25 to 30 seconds to go as fast as I can. So I thought, okay, this is what I'll do. I'll swim across and whatever's left in that minute, that's my rest time.

So if I get across in 25 minutes, I have 35 seconds resting. And every time that clock hits the 12, I gotta go again. I gotta sprint across again. So the cool thing about that is, you know at that 12, you gotta go. So no, I don't need a coach telling me to hurry. I don't need a coach telling me, come on, move it. You're going slow, because you don't wanna go slow.

You wanna sprint across so you have time to recover. That's what you want. So it's a crazy mind fuck that works beautifully. You're sprinting to rest. So I do that 20 times, man. And some people can do it 50, I guess. And I'm not like this professional athlete, what it's done for me is when I sprint across,

my heart rate is going a million miles an hour and I'm dying. And I know I got 30 seconds to rest. I'm looking at that clock and there's 15 seconds left. Then it's on the 50, then it's on the 55. I'm like, I'm ready to go. No matter what, you're ready to go. So at the 10th time I do that, I'm done.

I wanna quit. Cause I'm swimming as fast as I can. And every time I get across the pool, I'm like. I mean, it's like, if I was doing that in June, jujitsu, I would think, okay, let me hold this motherfucker and survive until this round is over. I need a rest for five to 10 minutes. I'm done.

That's what I would think. I need to stop after this round. I'm done. I hit that point where I'm done. It's that point you're done. Take a break, an intermission. That's what I thought I needed to recover. An intermission, five, 10 minutes.

But with this, you realize you don't need that. You can recover in 30 fucking seconds. You can. And that's what happens. I get across the pools, like 30 seconds, 25 seconds. I'm dying. I'm looking at that clock, dying. And it's on the four, the eight, I'm dying.

But I know when it gets in between the 10 and the 11. You'll be back. I'm like, I take a big, we gotta do this again. So what it does for me now, now when I grapple, now when I'm doing these shark tanks, when I get to that point, I already know I just gotta hang out for like 30 seconds and I'll be able to attack again. As opposed to, oh my God, I'm done.

So that mindset that, oh my God, I'm done. When you're really not done, that really makes you done. And you're done. That'll kill you. Cause then you panic in your word. Oh my God, I'm gonna lose. That feels like shit. Just the panic and the fear of losing

and it's all falling apart now. Oh my God, I have nothing left. It's over. That makes your, that crushes your recovery. Now you're not gonna recover. So the swimming physically has gotten, you know, I get my heart rate to its maximum and I'm dying and I recover 20 times.

But the mental aspect is where it comes in more to play. It's knowing that I can recover, I don't panic. So no panic, I recover easy. And you get to the point where that becomes unconscious exactly like your jujitsu. It becomes unconscious. Like you're doing shit without thinking. You're out of fucking breath.

You're not even thinking about it. You're out of breath and you're not fucking thinking about it. And you know, because when you were thinking about it, you're going, okay, I'm gonna recover. And you say that to yourself so much, okay, I'm gonna recover, I'll be fine. Just hang out right here, I'll be fine. You don't have to explode 100% of the time.

No one does that in striking. You explode and then you rest and you set it up. You explode and then you rest. You might put together three explosions together, but then you gotta rest. It's all about recovering. You're not just exploding, you're recovering. So this is all, again, I'm not an athlete.

This is all old fucking Jim Brown type shit. But doing sprints, whether it's running or swimming or any kind of sprint where you get your heart rate to the maximum and then you rest for 30 seconds and you keep doing that, you learn so much about your recovery time. And that gives you, not only does it not deplete you of cardio because of fear, that's gone.

But you gain cardio because of your confidence. Your confidence gives you cardio. I got the Doche book. And I started doing the Doche thing a year ago. And I ain't gonna lie to nobody here. It calls for four, six and eight. It calls for walking at three for 30 seconds and sprinting and then going at whatever the fuck it is.

I got to confuse six at sprinting and two and a half at walking. And I did that. And I'm not gonna lie to nobody. I started doing it for eight minutes. And I kept doing it and doing it and doing it. And I'll tell you what, I did this last week in two days in a row.

And now you gotta hear all I do, I do it like you. Because that was my biggest thing was the breathing. I slept sleep apnea. I smoked reefer 30 fucking years. I smoked cigarettes. Plus I got a hundred pounds of weight on me that ain't going nowhere. I started with doing three fucking hip escapes.

I'd have to get up, take my gear off and run outside and get there. And I'd pee my underwear a little bit. Just a little bit at it. Now I could do the whole thing. But I started doing the Doche thing. I ain't gonna lie to nobody, bro. I go in there, I was a zero in there fucking.

I pee my pants and you jigsaw. I'd have to go outside and take my belt off and everything. And now because of the fucking bike, I put it on three, five and seven. I time it. So now I walk at three. I jog at five for 30 seconds. But once I do that, so every five minutes I switch.

Now I go from three to seven, but I only sprint for 15 seconds. So it's my mind. That's when you got me in side control. And I hip escape and then getting back in position. And now I walk and I breathe. That's Red Team Go. I'm doing the same thing in my fucking mind.

And I die, that 15 second seven point. My little fat legs gotta move, Jack. They gotta move, Jack. And you know what? Now I can do it 40 minutes, 42 minutes. Took me a day I was sore, but now I can do it. And now, so I see what you're saying with this woman. I didn't know what you were saying after that.

But listen, all the great people before 20 years ago, they used swimming a lot in there because it gets you strong, it burns calorie, it keeps you flexible, there's no injuries. I got it from Rocky. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, Rocky, which one? You're gonna use muscles you never thought you had before.

Let me get some more while I'm dehydrating. Remember that one, Rocky took a doof. A doof. Fucking goomy face. Doof. What? What? What?

All right, so next Saturday night, what times did you go down at it, bro? You can't watch it live, although it's in LA. It's sold out in five hours, which was crazy. Crazy. I mean. 100 hours of checking at the door. Watch it, looking at those flyers where there's my face

and then Horler's face and he says sold out. What the fuck is going on here? How did that happen? We haven't done shit. People wanna see this. We haven't done shit. You know, it's amazing that you did this when you were a brown mother, the nine year point,

and now you've been doing this for 20 years and it's so crazy, even as a comic, you look at shit, you get 10 years ago and you're like, Jesus Christ. I thought I was good back then. Oh my God, turn that shit off. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's how I feel. Like you've grown, like you're a different person

from 11 years ago, you have different priorities and that's, you know, that's all the fuck about, man. I'm happy you came on today. So it's next Saturday. So let's say I wanna order this fucking thing, honey, cause they're gonna order it all around the fucking world, especially after listening to you here. It's going for what now?

30 bucks? 20 bucks. 20 bucks. 20 fucking bucks. And you've got, if you're into jiu-jitsu or you're into the yard of jiu-jitsu or beauty jiu-jitsu, 20 fucking bucks, you got how many matches? Seven, I think.

You can watch it on metamorris.com, N-E-T-A-M-O-R-I-S.com. That's where they're streaming it on pay-per-view. On your phone? No, no, I'm not on your phone, but you could watch it on your iPad, right? I'm not sure. I mean, I'd be a good move.

You could probably watch it on your phone. I wouldn't be surprised if they had it. I'm gonna be and fought a lot of them. So I wanna watch this motherfucker. I'm gonna bring my, I think that, you know what Terry got me? What is that thing? I don't know.

I'm assuming an iPad or something like that. I get the internet, because I get on the plane, I gotta go go daddy, whatever the fuck it is. Yo, go, go, whatever the fuck it is. So let's say I wanna do it from there. I could have ordered on there for 30 bucks, correct? Let me see, I'm on the website now. It doesn't say what thing,

but if they're using Ustream, that's on the phone and iPad, so. Yeah, yeah, that's on the iPad. You can watch this anywhere, people. Don't not fucking miss this shit. What else, bro? You gonna sit there like a fuck? Well, I'm ready, you know.

I'm ready to do this right now. I know you are. I'm gonna go out there and attack, or I'm gonna try. I hope that I go out there and attack them and put on a good show. It would suck if the reviews the next day were like boring match, it sucked. I want my money back.

I would hate that shit. Win or lose, I hope the match is just epic. And of course, I hope to win, and I'm gonna go out there and try to win. You're not gonna pull a break in this show up. No, no. That was the last metamorphosis, right? I'm gonna try not to.

Who did he go up against like? I go out there and get paralyzed. Who that could happen? I don't know. Say no, man. I don't know. It doesn't matter what you do. It's fucking what he did.

It's fucking what he did. Anything could happen. It's fucking people. My mother used to say, who could have said yelling? Who did he fight at that metamorphosis last time? Who did he do to eyes? Hoyler?

Hoyler never did. No, Schwab. Brendan Schwab, remember? He went against Cyborg. Cyborg, okay. Yeah, yeah. And he stalked or something. That people got mad.

Yeah, yeah. They didn't have it in the rules. He just played by the rules, you know? The rules were, the rules should have been in a jiu-jitsu match. They should always be that if someone pulls guard, the top guy has to engage and try to pass. Because the guy who pulled guard,

he's given up the position. Cause when they're standing, they're trying to get each other on. They're trying to get takedowns on each other and trying to put their opponent on their back. If the guy volunteers that and you're still standing, what do you want to do? You go ahead and pull guard.

Let's get the parties. Who, what are we going to do? You already took me down. I'm on my back. Just come on. You want to earn that somehow? You want to be a man and earn the take? Just come on, just try to pass the guard.

But that should have been the rule. It wasn't the rules. So Brandon just went by the rules. He said, fuck it. I don't have to engage. There's nothing in the rules that says I have to engage. So that's a rule now. You have to engage.

If someone pulls guard, you know, what are you doing there? You're standing around. Jiu-jitsu is not standing. Jiu-jitsu is on the ground. A dude already volunteered to be on his back. And you, what do you want? You want him on a face down or something?

What do you want? So I think that's the rule now it's a good rule. That would be a good rule to install. I would even throw yellow cards in there if someone is clearly stalling. Yellow card and deduct some of their pay, some of their purse, that kind of shit. You know, you get three DQs, you lost.

Something like that, you know? You got to have yellow cards. You got to, you got to make the guys try to attack. We need some action. There's people that are paying money. This is not your own little personal quest. This is entertainment. You know, if you don't want to entertain,

what the fuck did you convince me to put you on this card for, dude? You know, it's just about entertainment. This is about your own personal quest. So I think that's all taken care of now. And this is submission only now. This MetaMorris 3 is back to submission only. First one was submission only.

Second one was they decided to bring in judges. If there was no, still no points, but they brought judges in, that didn't work out so well. And so they're back to submission only. And that's the most gangster of formats. Submission only, no points. The point system is just so, it's just, it's like boxing when the UFC busted out.

Like the boxing look like, ooh, people are still boxing. Look at the UFC, it's everything. It's boxing plus everything else. Why would you just want a part of everything? You have everything in MMA. So that's, that's how I look at the point system. And Jiu Jitsu is like, we have a submission only now. Why is there even still a point system out there?

Point systems should be for children and for white belts. You know, blue belts and up, it should be submission only. So you're submission only? Submission only, no points. What is that weight? Yeah, let's go attack. I'm talking. Yeah, when, you know, in a point system,

as soon as someone gets points, if the stakes are high, the guy who got points, that's the smart thing to do. If there was a million dollars on the line, you're coaching a guy and he got two points and there's a minute left. Are you going to coach a guy to go attack him or just fucking hold it? You know, there's a million dollars on the line, right?

You're going to tell the guy to stall and hold. So. How about if I go, me, I'm belly them out, you know, I got six, none, I ain't going nowhere, right? You could do that too, but still, there's going to be holding at the end of the match. One guy, it's going to, one guy is generally going to be holding

in a points tournament, whoever's ahead on points, they want to get that W, don't take chances, generally. Some guys do take chances. Some guys say, fuck that, I want to finish him. But generally, it's a good idea that if you're up on points in a points tournament, that you hold at the end. So end of matches overall just are boring

because of the dude in the lead holding. Submission only doesn't have that. Both guys are, nothing happens, it's a draw if there's no submission. So the end of submission only matches, they're very exciting. And you don't need to be a jujitsu expert to, or even do jujitsu to enjoy it when it's submission only. If you're a big MMA fan, you love the UFC,

but you don't do jujitsu, you can still watch a submission only grabbing match and be entertained. You can because you don't have to understand this ridiculous point system. And then it gets boring. So if a guy doesn't do jujitsu and it's like boring, a guy's holding, he's trying to hold onto the lead,

fuck that, I'd rather have dudes punching. So they're gonna get turned off to points tournament, but your UFC fan who doesn't do jujitsu will be into submission only. That's why I push it so much. I think it's just better for jujitsu. Submission only will make jujitsu grow and can possibly bust it out into the mainstream.

I mean, if you're jujitsu feeding, you wanna keep it underground and you wanna keep it indie. That's good too, but I would like to see submission only jujitsu tournaments on TV, on HBO, on Showtime, on Fox. Can you imagine a submission only 60 man tournament, the best of the best. Meta Morris on Fox. Every Wednesday night at 10 o'clock and shit

sponsored by Fogo Luchu, stop and deliver it to your house. Yeah, me and Victor Davila. Victor Davila is the Joe Rogan of the UFC in Spanish. He does a commentary for the UFC in Español and he also does those shows, Fox, the board, the shows were like the inside UFC type stuff. What's the name of the UFC? He did one for the UFC.

Yeah, I always see him when I'm working out a 24 hour fitness because they have the Spanish, one of the big screens is the Spanish and they're always showing the UFC on them. What the fuck is the name of the show he did for the UFC? Alweyos or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Guerrero's. We're putting together EBI, Eddie Bravo Invitational and it's going to be on Latin TV. It's going to be on a show called The Show's going to be called Latino Jiu Jitsu for Spanish all through Latin America. He's making it happen. This is going to be all through Latin America and Spanish stations in the United States called Latino

Jiu Jitsu and the show, that's the name of the show that has a bunch of different things in it on Jiu Jitsu. And one of the things that Víctor is producing is Eddie Bravo Invitational. We're going to have a 16 man bracket and feature some Latin Jiu Jitsu players like Gio Martinez. He's Mexican and he's one of my black belts. He's going to be in the 145 division.

And so they're going to submission only 16 man bracket on Spanish TV all across Latin America and in the United States too on the Spanish channels. That's going to be June 1 and the show is going to be in LA. We're going to do a 145 and a 160, two 16 man brackets in Hollywood here. So you'll hear more about it. It's happening.

It's going down. If you're interested, contact. You got to come correct though. I can't be handling too many emails. So if you don't get a response from me, I just do not have time, please. Do not be offended. I can barely handle emails now.

But if you're legit and you want to jump in on this. Don't email them because you choked out your girlfriend. Don't qualify because you got to stripe your shit. You got to be banging that for at least 10 fucking years you want to go up against these savages. Just because you shouldn't do a shot of deck of the roblin and you got your fucking girlfriend in a fucking knee ball, whatever the fuck it is, don't show up.

I will call you. No matter what they shaved their heads, put a gold T, got a tattoo on their back, and get a fucking. What's the one? What's the big one? What's Scrape and the other guy? What's the name? Look at the shape of you.

Who? The shape of you. What's Scrape's company? Scrape. Tap out? Tap out. No matter what they got, they shaved their head. They got a tattoo.

They do a shot of deck and they want a tap out shirt. No matter what they want to show up to the ABI Invitational. It's fucking Invitational cockets out there. Like the way they invited Bruce Lee on Hans Island. Same fucking thing. And you know what? That was probably a mistake. What?

Giving out my email. I didn't really think about that too much. Do not be offended if I don't return email because I'll probably get flooded with this. No, don't worry about nothing. We'll take care of it. Oh, you can? Yeah, if you want to.

Yeah, you know what? I'm not the guy to contact for that. Eat another one. Will you please just sit there? All emotional. Eat another one. What are you going to do tonight with your wife? Where is she right now?

She's in my house. Oh, shit. She's over there taking her bath and waiting for you. She's taking like a cow gone bath. She's cutting her toenails. It's over. What are you guys doing tonight? I'm going to go look at dogs and then I'm not sure what else.

Look at dogs. What do you mean? He wants to go adopt. He's 25. He wants to go adopt a dog already. What's wrong with the game? Dog. I can't even get him to go up the corner of the ventura.

He's got his hot dog. He's going to get his dog. That poor dog's going to be fucking small. He's going to be a vampire. He ain't even going to see. Trust me, I was on Coke for years. I had a dog at one time. He didn't go out for four or five days.

I'd make him pee in the corner and hold his shit. Oh, no, I can't do that. I'd make him hold their shit. That's a special fucking shit. That's what I'm holding in my pocket. No movies tonight, nothing? No, I don't think so. There's not really anything out really.

You're going to eat it gloomy in a little bit. Did you ever tell that story about Fort Lauderdale where you dunked your nuts? You ever tell that story? I forgot about that. I don't even talk about Fort Lauderdale. I'm going back this week and I don't want the bitch showing up. I guess she want me to dunk her nuts in the mouth.

That's a long time ago. I did dunk my nuts in the mouth and she didn't know. In front of everybody, in front of everybody. This was like in the comedy club, like in the lobby. She did me or something. But on video. It's on video. Let's see if it's on mine.

And what did she say? I don't know. She was like fine. She got on the ground. Something happened that she doubled dead me. Yeah. Dog, it was crazy at one time. She doubled dead me or something.

And I just put my balls in the mouth. On video. And they tasted weird. So she started crying. Because her friends got mad at her because she looked like a whore. Yeah, she is a whore. She saw some of these balls. In front of everybody.

You know, sucking balls in your house is one thing. Sucking balls in front of everybody else. They definitely got a wrong impression of you. Oh, man. Her friends were so mad at her. She started crying. Eat it, Gumi. You lose in color.

You're pale. I'm fine. I had two Gumi's this week. That was this week. That was Tuesday and Wednesday. What about Friday? Why are you the Gumi? Why be a Jew if you ain't going to rob somebody?

Why are you the Gumi on Wednesday? If you're not going to eat one on Friday, you know what I'm saying? Get the nice shirt on. Oh, shit. That video is online. Let me see. Which one? That's not.

No. The ball video. Red Band had it somewhere. I don't even think Red Band was around back then. Yes, it was around. That's when we go into those hotels with nine of us, like a fucking band. That's right.

Like a high school band. Damn. That was like 2005 or 2003 maybe. Damn. Some dumb fucking chick. What about the chick I talked to in San Diego? I was on stage in San Diego. And some girl gets up on the stage.

Guys, she was fucking beautiful. Blonde, big tits, OK ass. And she said, I'll take my clothes off. She took her clothes off on stage. I get all the states like, you got to help me. I'm a model. I go, well, my friend is Joe Rogan. He's doing auditions tomorrow for the fucking Juggies.

You want to come up? And she's like, she had come up. This is a true story, guys. This fucking girl, or it was like she was coming up. Like it was the next week. So she calls me. She, at the time, I had a fucking pager. This is a true story.

This girl pages me. Like I thought that was it. She didn't suck my dick. And then she just took her clothes off. I think I fingered her outside. That's what happened. I go, can I finger you? And she let me finger her.

Who lets you fucking finger them? Just like that. So she went home. About a week later, I get the page. I go, he's having the auditions Friday. She goes, I'm coming up Thursday night with an eight ball. Do you know that was like a four in the afternoon? Do you know like?

I remember that. I absolutely remember that. Do you ever get involved? Do you ever get involved doing something? Do you ever somebody call you and you make plans? But you get so involved in something, you forget. And all of a sudden they call and you're like, oh, shit. When I looked at the phone, I go, what's up?

Like, I thought she was going to say, well, my boyfriend couldn't be me. And I was like, who? This bitch is like, I'm an El Compadre. I remember that. I go outside and she's got a bikini bottom on with a bikini top on with heels on, a cooler filled with beer, and six grams of fucking coke.

Not in powder, rock, and a wallet full of fucking money. And I don't even have a place to live. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I was living with Ralphie. I would stay with Celine. I would stay on Jody's floor. Whoever was out of town.

That's Ralph. So I took her to Gentry's and Teddy's. This is crazy. This girl took out a blow, put it on the table, whatever. I did it, and she's like, what do you want to do? I go, why don't you give me like a blow job when she did it? And then I left her there. That wasn't the same chick that, remember, she

wanted a locked stall or something? Remember that joke? No, that was a complete different one. Did he leave her at the hotel or something? Isn't that what you told her? No, so this is a complete different one. This is the one that, this was crazy. I left her there and came back.

And she did the whole package by herself. She drank the whole case of beer. When I got there at 10 in the morning, she was fucking still up the night before. The people who lived there, Gentry had a roommate. He called me. He's like, dog, I woke up to pee in the middle of the night. There's a naked hot girl on my fucking couch.

She goes, my girlfriend was in my bed. Out of all the nights, his girlfriend was to sleep over. I went and picked up the girl at 10. She hadn't slept. I don't know what happened. I took her to the audition at 3 o'clock. That bitch went out. There really was an audition?

Yeah, for the Juggies. Oh, I thought you were just joking around. This bitch went out there and did something. Then she wanted to stay the weekend. And something happened. I took her to the improv, bro. And she just went off at the improv. And I left her there.

And that was the last time I saw her. Then she called me a few times. We stayed friends. And then she called again. She was in Vegas. That's the last. They could have stabbed her that night. Who the fuck knows?

It's amazing the people you meet. It really is when you look back at the fucking freaks you meet. And I would love for her to say hello today. I guarantee she's got two kids. She's normal. She's married to a successful guy that doesn't even know. She was crazy.

And she sucked 2,000 dicks. You're just guessing, right? I'm just guessing. Oh, you're right, though. Yeah. She doesn't even remember that she let me finger her. I mean, who lets you finger her when you meet them? You date them just to feel the same.

And I just did it as a joke. It's that comedy, man. The comedy hypnotizes you. I did it as a joke. I go, let me finger you real quick. And she's like, OK, right outside, though. It wasn't a parking garage. It was where you park outside and put

five aisles in the slot and push it through. Right there. There's a Denny's there. I remember just fingering, like playing with a monkey. And I was like, that's tremendous. She's like, yeah. And that was it. I got my car and went home, though.

That's how fucking crazy life is. That's what happens on a Friday, you understand me? And she saw you perform, right? You're hypnotizing, OK? No, I don't hypnotize nobody. That was a terrible room. It was a park. We used to yell up and send you shots.

This bitch was just fucking crazy, man. And she wasn't just crazy. Sometimes you meet people that are crazy. They're missing a toenail. Or they got a black eye or something. This chick was crazy, but she was a 12. How could she be at a 26, 25? Somewhere you can't even feel bad.

Like, this is too easy. This bitch drove from San Diego with an eight ball and a cooler filled with fucking beers. This girl wasn't playing. She didn't care about cops. I'm telling you, she was drinking beer, throwing the bottles out the fucking window, taking the beer caps.

This girl was, and she was a 10. With a bikini on it. With a bikini. She drove to the fucking bikini on it. I'm going to forget that. She got out of the car and I was like, what did I get myself into? How high was she?

Damn. She was hot and cold. And if it was five years younger, God knows. I would have fucked her for eight hours. I didn't have it like that. She wanted to fuck that girl and do nasty things. I wasn't that nasty. I think she sucked my dick and I went home.

I think I went to Ralphies and hid the rest of the fucking night. Because I knew she was crazy, so she wanted to talk. You look up at those crazy girls, you got to fuck them and talk. Not the four hours of talking. You ain't talking no more. You become the psychiatrist.

I've been through those cocaine nights. They're not fucking fun with girls. Unless she's a solid girl and you build her, there's some girls. That shit goes dark after like four hours of doing blood. They keep talking about the same problem. You resolve it. And then they talk about it again.

And you have to remind them, we just resolved that problem a half an hour ago. I think Rick James burnt that bitch with the crack pipe. Shut the fuck up already with that story about your uncle. The same problem. The same problem. Same fucking problem. And then you talk them through it.

They agree and then they go back to it. You're like, oh my God. I don't miss that shit at all. I don't miss drugging with people, the shit that came with it, the fucking stupidity. I remember the last time I went to Boston this time. The time before that I was in Boston. I was there with Joe and Ari and Tate.

Where the time Tate become like Joe's Watchman, like he would tell suspicious people here to see Joey. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. He would fucking, he would, anybody who talked to me. Anybody who talked to me. Tate would tell Joe, that guy's here selling Joey Coke or something like that.

You know, it was fucking hilarious. Yeah. And then I got the manager. I banged the fucking manager out in Boston. The manager finally cracked and came over to me. I was like, boy, people say you're a good pilot. You didn't ask me. I don't know, I'm not interested.

Cause Tate was watching. So I go, you gonna pay me? And he goes, yeah, I'll pay him when we weren't ready. And they go, boy, you gotta get me like a fucking eight ball and shit, it's over. Remember I used to leave as soon as Joe got on stage? Damn. That's not it, right?

Damn. Joe knew when he got off stage, he hugged me. Cause he weren't seeing me the rest of the night. I already had the package in my pocket, the room number, I had beer in there. I was ready to go. There was no way you're gonna fucking get me out of that room. That's it.

I was in for the night. Did you really drink beer with Coke? I would take like two beers upstairs just to get the party started. Then after that, you would make sure piss. I'm paranoid. I don't know, I don't know where. I wanna sit right here in my corner,

look out windows and keep pumping this motherfucking time. Try to make this dick get harder and fucking, you know. I don't miss that shit at all, brother. But anyway, thank you very much for joining us. You know, I wish you all the luck in the world. You don't need luck. You've worked very hard, brother. Thank you very much.

Thank you for having me here. No, no, no. I'm happy you even did it. I'm sorry about a lot of the Jiu-Jitsu knowledge, but you're a bad motherfucker, dog. I love you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. Thank you very much.

I'm gonna sit and we'll all be watching. All the people who listen to the church will be watching. At least I act. You better watch, cocksucker, you understand me. I already have my ticket. You're gonna eat this gloomy. No. Why not?

You got a ticket. Yeah. You're going live? No, no, no, no. I'm watching it. Oh, cool. By yourself? Yeah.

You're bringing the girlfriend over. How, what day of the week is it? Saturday. And she'll be there, yeah. So what's the story, you're gonna eat this gloomy? No. Why you lying to me? You told me if I brought you a gloomy,

you're gonna eat half of it. No. Eat half of a quarter. Just so when you go see the dog, he talks to you. No, I'm all set. What do you want to go see a dog for if he ain't gonna talk to you? Because I've did those twice this week.

So what you're gonna do is you did these one day. I'm gonna cut this right here. I'm gonna eat the big part. Oh, fine, dude. I'll eat the big part and you eat the little tail. No, thank you. Like the pink eat that, like that. You see his little dick.

Oh, I don't want to take it from you. No, it's okay. What are you gonna take it from? No, I don't want to hold it back. I want you to enjoy it. No, no, no, it's half for you. Okay. Hey, say hi.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Let's see, let's see, guys. All right, I got that first. Oh, it's that fucking idiot. I had to eat the fucking gloomy. There we go, there we go. One, two.

Oh, that's fucking video. As usual, those goomies or mono dropping 250 milligrams of low on your fucking system. Lee, you depress me today. That's it, it's over. Good. So we're playing a smoke turpent song on the way out, right? Okay, okay, ready, set.

Ah! Bang. You know what? Bang. Ah, man. So we're doing this again Monday morning, 6 a.m. and Wednesday, 6 a.m. I'm gonna let the fort lie down.

See you motherfuckers at the Fort Laudale Improv. And the week after that, myself and Ari Shafir, are at the fucking Tempe Improv. Thursday through Saturday, tickets are still available. Lee, what's going on? You ready for these motherfuckers? Can't wait. Be bravo next Saturday.

I love you all my heart. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for having me. Stay black, have a great weekend and stay safe. Mm. It's a calamity. Stop the insanity. Battling over control.

Ballad of tragedy. Showing balance in conflict. Cold watch, story unfolds. Man, I've messed it with my destiny. Soul meant to expose. Said to explode at any moment. Maintain your focus. Holding on, cause I know I can't drop.

But I might back in. I'm gonna fight this shit. I'm gonna take this shit. I can't drop. But I might back in. I'm into the words I can handle this. I can't drop. I can't drop.

I got my second wing. I'm gonna rise up and put my fist up. Yeah, come on, get up. Yeah, come on, get up. Yeah, come on, get up. Come on, get up. Come on, get up. Never this crazy before, Tom.

Settle the score, trend in the floors, but think in the skies. Stand in the rise, feet in line. Hey, meant to walk the line. The first fest, my bite. The first, it curves, the stride. The strides, the strides, the might, the spice. All adversaries, big bay, anger, theory, big end.

Hey, you hear me? It's that fast. I'm fearing, I'm passing. Fearing, which my bash is curing. The task is lurking. My mask is fuming, you ask. Assume me like I'm trash for using. Keep yapping like I'm gashing.

I'm a smash, you viewing. Don't be stupid. Now, I don't mean to do it till I'm useless, cause I know what I'll pursue it. I can't drop. But I might back in. I'm gonna fight this shit. I'm gonna take this shit.

I can't drop. But I might back in. I've been through the world like a handle. Then I get dropped. Well, well, well, well Еy it's what I always do. I got my second wing, I'm gonna rise up and put my fist open. I've been a pain that brought, the way I sang this song. That's why I last this long.

It was the pain that brought the way I sang this song. That's why I sang this song. It's for the pain that brought. This is the fate I saw. It was the pain that brought. I've been a pain that brought the way I sang this song. That's why I last this long. It was the pain that brought the way I sang this song

It's what I sang this song, it's for the pain that I brought This is the fate I saw And I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling And I'm falling, I'm falling, yeah It's what I always do And I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling I'm getting trapped, burning my dead skin I'm gonna fight this shit, I'm gonna take this shit

I'm getting trapped, burning my dead skin I'm into the words like a dacoit I'm getting trapped It's what I always do I'm getting trapped, I got my second wing I'm gonna rise up and drop my face I'm getting trapped, burning my dead skin And I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling

I'm getting trapped, burning my dead skin And I'm falling, I'm falling, yeah It's what I always do