Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #167 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, May 30th.... Happy Memorial Day! This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew.���. Support the show and receive your first month free at https://BlueChew.com with promo code JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH for 10% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Onnit #BlueChew The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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BlueChew, you can't lose. Huh! How you doing? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the bag. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Happy Memorial Day to everybody. I know you should be barbecuing by now

or whatever, but hey, some people like podcasts on Memorial Day and you know me, I gotta fucking fill the void. I'm not gonna keep you here all fucking day or whatever. I know you got shit to go to and so the fuck do I. But it was a great weekend, all in all.

You know, it rained in Jersey fucking Friday. We opened up Saturday with a little fucking rain, but hey, for the most part it was great. I'm headed to a fucking game tonight, my first baseball game and like I don't know, fucking three years. Yeah, I just got

I'm in the mood for a fucking game just to sit and breathe and you think, you know people, I don't know. I go to baseball games and I love it. Especially in the daytime. You know, if it's too fucking hot it's a nightmare. I remember when Ralph, he made

first hit. When he first hit, he was spending fucking money like a savage. He asked me if I wanted to go to a Dodger game. They were playing the Houston Astros and Clemens was pitching.

And I go, Ralphie, whatever the fuck you want. You know, Ralphie didn't think about shit. None of us do. We just so he called the scalper and paid like, you know, $2,000 for the best ticket and fucking

at the LA Dodger game. Now, this is before Little Edibles like all these little edibles we have now. This is when we were going to a weed shop next to Dukes that had just beautiful cakes.

Like these people make cakes. So everything was a fucking cake. This big to get you high, you know. And the cakes were good. I mean, don't get me wrong. The THC was great. We didn't know about milligrams and all that shit then. But you had to eat this

whole big fucking piece of cake, you know, like to get high. So Ralphie picks me up and he's like, I just got back from that fucking place. I got all types of weed, all types of edibles, but he had in those days, guys,

they gave him a bag this small for the weed. He had probably some joints in there and like maybe three quarter ounces or an ounce of weed, whatever it was. But the other two bags were huge grocery bags because of the size of these fucking cakes.

And Ralphie didn't know what I wanted so he bought one of each. God bless this motherfucker. So we're sitting outside Dodger Stadium in his fucking brand new car living like doctors, right? Just eating that, eating fucking cakes with no milk. Just eating cakes, eating cakes.

Horrible, horrible. And as we're walking in, yeah, we got overwhelmed with with the fucking we could overwhelm. As soon as we walk out of the fucking car, guys, we walk out and, guys,

it's a hundred fucking degrees. It is brutal. It's like an August day. It is fucking brutal out. So we walk into the fucking stadium. As I'm walking and I'm already fucking high

like all this sugar and all this frosting, you know, it was like three pieces of cake. I haven't eaten three pieces of cake in 30 fucking years. So I was out of it. We walk in and, yes, there were the best seats in the house.

There was only one problem. The sun was right above us. And you could see like when we got there we were sitting by ourselves. We're like, Ralphie, you got great seats. No. Nobody sits in that area because they know you're going to burn the fucking debt. So we're sitting

in that fucking area. I'm talking about the THC from the cake is hitting me. The fucking sugar is hitting me. The frosting is hitting me. Everything is hitting me. I got fucking cotton mouth because you know how they show up every water, water, beer, whatever the fuck. And I'm sitting there fucking

melting under this fucking sun. It was the most uncomfortable anything I've been in years. I mean, I couldn't believe I was uncomfortable being high, you know? You never get uncomfortable being high. I was fucking uncomfortable. We looked at each other like at the

Twinning's. He was covered in sweat. He had sweat coming from everywhere. And he was a die-hard Ralphie. God bless his soul. He was like, man, I'm okay. Ralphie, I look like a Ralphie, not me. I'm about to fucking pass out. When I got home my wife had a rub

aloe, juice, fucking triple antibiotic on me. I had blisters for a fucking month. So sometimes the daytime game ain't that fucking good, you know what I'm saying? I was just a little Ralphie story that I was thinking about that when he fucking did that. And I was just

it was just a fucked up day. You know, I was having a great week this week and we listen, it's been great. Thank God, the jazz commentary. Thank God to my man Ricky Williams who came on. I know a lot of you people don't like to zoom. He's in LA. What do you want me to do?

A helicopter or a minute? Listen, it is what the fuck it is, guys. At least I'm fucking trying, okay? That's the most important thing that we put effort into this and we try and we write a little bit before I come on here and come in on here prepared. I'm fucking trying. So

it was a great week. I did some good things this week. I didn't get on stage last week, but this week I got like four fucking shows which leads into Friday night with Joe and because I knew if I spaced it out, I'm not going to be the same. I need to be loose the week of.

So I need to be loose like the week of. I don't need to be listening. Right now I, guys, I fell asleep. I didn't, I wrote but I didn't execute like I was going to. But in the meantime, I knew that if I got on stage twice a week, it wasn't

going to be enough. Like it wasn't going to be enough. Nothing was going to be enough for me to get back to top fucking form. But I figure if I get out Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I'll be a lot looser for Friday. I got I got a half a set written out, you know,

but I'm happy. I'm happy because I just want to get this over with to see how I feel to see how I react to 6,000 people so I could make a decision of what I'm going to do the rest of my fucking life guys. That's basically where I'm at. But

this week was a little bit on the fucking weird side for me, man, and it had to do with that shooting in Texas. I gotta be honest with you. I don't really get affected by news, but I was thinking about something. You know what one of the worst drug weeks for me was that I'll never

ever forget the week of the Oklahoma bombing. That was I started snorting on Monday and I was just finishing up on Tuesday. I woke up. I went out and tried to get my life back and on and there was a bombing and I think I started snorting

that Tuesday night. I didn't stop till Saturday. I don't know what triggered that. For years I couldn't figure out what the fuck happened that week. Let me tell you how much coke I did that week. I couldn't go out for a week after that because I had burn marks on my nose from the straw.

I had cut the coke with like vitamin C and now I was stuck with it so I had to snort it and it destroyed everything in me. I mean I was fucking ashamed and for four days I just sat there guys drinking fucking fat

tires and snorting coke looking at them take the rubble off these kids you know it was and guys I was it was 95 so I was what 32. I was still a fucking savage with no remorse

it just tore into me like nothing that week like it just really tore into me and this week I was fine on fucking Tuesday we did the podcast with Ricky and later on that day I hear about the shooting you know what guys that you try to

I really try to block the negative shit out of my mind especially since the pandemic with the information and everything but there's some shit that just gets under your finger nails that you can't avoid and this has been this thing you know and I saw

a video of the parents outside yelling for the cops to go in and and I saw them taze a mom and I know that they handcuffed another mom and the system failed this guys and

I don't want anybody to think like it most people attacked the gun issue and yes there's no reason why an 18 year old boy on the day of his birthday should be able to go to a fucking gun store and buy an AR-15 and guys you know me you know I like violence I like shooting

I like burning people I like all that shit but I'm telling you right now with all the faults I had growing up I never had the fault of getting a gun and going in in front of my friends and shooting them I never had that fault and I was a dangerous person obviously I went to jail

they threw me in jail for my actions but that was never me hurting my friends or wanting to hurt a child that's never been me I've never been a heavy I'm just a fucking bad tempo and a bad attitude sometimes and I don't think before I strike

but I never ever ever in all my life with the situation I was in at 16 guys this kid got into a fight with his fucking mother about wifi or something you know and he left

all the reports about transgender and this doesn't matter you know why guys because at the age of 18 I was in worse shape than that kid then the kid who shot Buffalo up then half these fucking teenagers

that are doing these horrific acts I was broken at 18 years old I killed bugs I kicked animals I did not care about life life fucking took a shit on my head and I never

ever was that fucked up that I wanted to get a gun and inflict damage to my friends this isn't a gun problem guys this is a fucking mental health problem for you motherfuckers who locked us in for three fucking years

now you're getting to reap what happened to these kids they've been telling us for years 60 minutes had a fucking show about it two times in the last three months about what has happened to children since this fucking

pandemic what the fuck is going on but for 19 cops to be outside and for now one of those fucking cowboys to go in there with their fucking hats and go in there and then you guys saw the press conference Abbott looks

fucking stunned you know his plan backfired him that senator Cruz I mean when you look at them they're all a bunch of fucking miserable bastards they don't even take a genius you don't need to be a PhD

those people don't give a fuck about anything you know for the first time in my life I'm a little scared about this situation this you know I thought by today with the NRA convention in Houston

and all those parents I mean my heart goes out to those fucking parents I can't you know I got a daughter years old Mike's got children I thought about my teacher friends at fucking Northburg and I I thought about

you know my other teacher friends that are at the grammar school in Northburg and I thought about all these fucking things because you have to you have to how does an American parent right now feel Mike's got two young kids at home if at one point

in the next two weeks this girlfriend fiance is going to come up to them and go what are we going to do with our kids I mean do you have if you're a parent do you have trust in the school system

any more I mean especially after reading the articles that you're about to read the next fucking four days I don't know how I don't know how they could regain trust one of the things that keeps me you know lets me go to sleep so there's two cops at her school

maybe one cop at her school and one cop at the other school and they're right across the street from each other so the only thing that I see is that there's a shoot out here and there's a fucking partner and he starts shooting the kids in here but I don't even want to think about that as a parent I don't even want to think about that as my little girl

you know everybody and I've been saying this since the fucking church to keep your fucking eyes open not look at your fucking phone it doesn't matter who's texting you doesn't matter what fucking Brian Callan told Joe Rogan

when you're out there you gotta pay fucking attention to everything I am sick and tired of saying this that life is not a fucking bingo game it's not a fucking bingo game

it's getting serious out there everything I spoke about when I moved here everything I spoke about the pandemic is now coming to fucking light right in front of our eyes do you know a thousand flights got canceled this last weekend

shortage of gas shortage of staff no planes thousand fucking flights got how is the American family gonna take a fucking vacation you ever think about that

like can you afford four tickets of a thousand dollars to go to Disneyland you know this is the things I think of can you afford four fucking tickets to go to a Yankee game with your family on a book 25 a ticket all your kid wants to see is a baseball game

I am fucking depressed about the middle class in this town in this country they have gotten rid of it I'm not here to bring out of Monday I'm here to bring you light into you guys

to open your eyes cause it ain't gonna get no fucking better and all we have during these times are ourselves and our family and you gotta protect what the fuck you got I am lost about last weekend you guys

know me I don't care about fucking anything and every day I walk past that I don't even want to look like all weekend I didn't even want to look at that fucking computer I didn't want to know what the fuck happened I don't give a fuck anymore I just know that somewhere the system fucking failed us

somewhere somewhere these are our children if we don't feel safe about sending our children to school what you don't think I'm gonna drive by that my daughter's school twice a day from now on you don't think that's the type of person I am at night when I go out if I ever go out

before I come home I drive by Jimmy's house I drive by my friend Christina's cause I know she's there alone I'm one of those fucking jerks so you don't think now I gotta drive by the school two three times a fucking day instead of going to the little league field and walking I'm gonna walk by the school from now on

instead of making my calls by the little league field I'm gonna make my calls by the fucking school right now cause what else do we have guys we you know when the system fails us what can we fucking do 19 cops waiting there for somebody at town to go in

we're not even human anymore guys we've become fucking computers like well he said not there's kids and they're getting shot now to those 19 cops not one of those motherfuckers had a child to at least

say to himself fuck how can these parents they tased a woman they handcuffed another mom this is crazy she went back in and got her kids and she went back in guys what is it coming down to so this is what I say to you

if you're a parent listen a couple weeks ago you know we get these games my daughter watches gets these games so all her friends sign up on these fucking games before she downloads them my wife looks back and forth

she calls our friend Sean and LA who works on games and we go over the game I don't know anything about this I don't even download a fucking app I don't know anything about this shit

when I was a kid I played life I didn't play games that's what you do on a rainy day when there's sun out you attack the fucking sun I don't know anything about this but these fucking kids today

with their apps and all this shit they're all downloading that about two weeks ago Mercy pulls me on the slide she goes dad I went upstairs and a guy had said something to me to send me pictures I don't fucking know

you know what your mom told you I don't want no fucking problems with these apps if you think they're a little kinky do not answer anybody do not talk to them they're not gonna threaten your dad they don't even fucking know my number well what happened

her daughter forgot the phone at the house so she went in to get it she was getting text messages from one of the guys to send the nude pictures and fucking videotape and all this shit

so she called all the fucking moms the moms I spoke to the woman a week later at the field and I'm like what happened and she was telling me what these people were saying what the fuck is going on guys what the fuck is going on are they making these games

these kids get I mean there's no fucking protection for our kids no more you have to look at their fucking iPads and their fucking codes you have to share them they cannot run a world by themselves there's shitty people

there's a bunch of people walking around like I was after my mother died right now bunch of people walking around I don't blame them I don't blame them for two years they've been told they're gonna die they're getting checks they need a vaccine they gotta get a vaccine or they'll lose your fucking job

what the fuck has happened here the last three years so I can't imagine that's why I tell you people I don't care how tough somebody is I don't care if they cut you off keep driving don't get into an argument nobody on the street because listen 20 years when I was growing up

things were bad now think about it the last two years we've been treated like fucking monkeys like fucking monkeys the last two years can you imagine working all fucking year after the pandemic have you looked at a plane ticket ladies and gentlemen

go look at a plane ticket go find your favorite destination and go look at a plane ticket Lee had to cancel this plane ticket to LA his trip because they won a thousand dollars for a fucking ticket to LA brown trip in the back two fucking victims yeah

they won the hotel Lee used to stay at was 135 they want 290 it's gonna cost him 3 thousand to go to LA for rental car guys what the fuck and the more we support this shit the higher

they're gonna raise the fucking prices guys I paid 980 for a ticket it was my favorite ticket to the east coast the club for you people don't know they give you 750 so for a plane ticket

so for the difference of $150 or whatever the fuck it is you could live like a fucking doctor or you could sit in the back like a fucking mutt they're giving you 750 and you know and I took it for years it wasn't taking money out of my family's pocket

I wasn't being a fucking tough guy I just liked sitting by myself they have a little bed if I want to nod and it was 890 and on fucking jet blue you know what that ticket is now so what's double double would be

1800 70% that plane ticket went up with the same amenities and I gotta wear a mask or I gotta sit next to somebody who's fucking angry I'm not flying nowhere I just got my jersey license

I was supposed to get an ID because you're not supposed to fly in a year or two without ID and my wife was like ragging on me about the fucking ID and I go listen I told you I'm not going nowhere I'm not planning on taking any fucking trips not at all this year

not at all not while things like this why would I I could go down a fucking show and just sit on a fucking beach in a long branch every fucking day I'm gonna start doing that on Wednesdays you know Carlos my buddy Carlos who looked at this fucking house

he's up north and he's like I'm sick and tired sitting at home him and I like the same shit I go you know what from now on on Wednesday just pick me up just pick me up we'll go somewhere I gotta be back by 3 so it's perfect it's one of those short days I don't need to do much I don't need to be a big shot

from Hawaii for what to pay $22 for fucking water to get raped from A to Z not really waiting until all this shit goes away and then we'll move on but man it's just been a fucking shit storm lately

and uh I came down the other day and I didn't really think about it I watched the first press conference I don't care less about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp they don't put a dime in my pocket I really don't give a fuck I haven't watched a minute of that

people are sending me things do you think she's snorting coke yes she's snorting coke from the fucking tissue leave me the fuck alone you know I have 20,000 people that besides that I don't give a fuck I don't need to watch that shit you know they gotta get home

and I'm scrolling through the thing and I see a CNN thing and I see all these fucking old dinosaurs old dinosaur politicians up there with 22 you know those dudes that stand behind you why are you standing there

then they look at the camera like to show their wives did you see me I was standing behind governor of judge who gives a fuck I wouldn't want to stand behind them in front of them to the fucking side that guy's got the stink of death on him 19 fucking 21 fucking bodies

I don't want to be around that fucking dead motherfucker and that's the fact guys somebody listen I've always told you you know somebody's gotta answer I've been around for a long time and all these little stupid deaths somebody's gotta answer and within 4 or 5 years

you see the cancer start coming you see all the fucking bad luck because somebody's gotta answer for these little kids 19 kids that went to school they were gonna graduate Thursday I mean what the fuck I got a third grade

little girl the youngest person they shot was 8 and that shooter why would you shoot him 18 times I would have shot him in his fucking legs I would have taken his fucking legs out now he's a fucking cripple

in a Texas fucking prison forget the fucking death penalty that's off the table that guy's gotta live 50 fucking years I want that prison to get him the best doctor in the world because I want that motherfucker to live till he's 80 years old

I want him to be in that type of shape because I know for a fact he's gonna get raped and fucking mangled every goddamn day of his life for what he did to those little kids who never did a thing in their life never did anything

the worst thing they did was maybe fucking shit their pants not put their toys back in the garage that was the only crime these kids fuck whenever did so this is really fucking taking me for a loop and I'm sorry I got to talk about this on a Monday but I want to open your guys eyes

that guys hug your kids every day kiss them every day tell them you fucking love them every day it's gotten back to this is it this is death calm 4 level 4 this is it this is everybody volume 4 level 4 this is it

this is it when cops are scared to go in to save children because they're commanded not to I don't know what to tell you guys we've lost touch with humanity again I want to repeat one of my guys on Patreon said to me that

nearly swept me off my feet everybody's worried about the milk shortage and the bottle and baby formula shortage and the lumber shortage nobody's worried about the love shortage that's what worries me it takes

everything out of everything I want to do because I got love for everything I do I love you motherfuckers I do this because I love talking to you motherfuckers and talking shit and bringing you interesting people that listen to their story to let you know you're not fucked up

I do this podcast to let you know there's nothing wrong with you because if there's something wrong with you there's something wrong with me and I made it happen I made it work for me so there's nothing wrong with you but now while there's nothing wrong with you

there's nothing wrong with you there's something wrong with the people around you right now the people around discuss kids shooting up a school kids shooting up a supermarket if that's not a fucking the alpha If that's not a fucking alpha

shooting fucking a supermarket at a Saturday afternoon you know It's just something that you have to pay attention to as an American right now and go wow We're living in different times. I got to make different priorities and do Different fucking things, you know I'm trying to find a way to maybe donate some money to the families. I Mean, I wouldn't even know where to start when you lost a child. What can I do to replace that child the boat?

What can I do to replace that child the fucking house what can replace that child? Nothing you could never You could never fix The pain in your heart when you have something like that Especially knowing that you could have saved that little child that didn't do anything didn't do anything You could have saved that little child. I feel bad for the fucking 19 cops or how many cops that were out there? You know, may God fucking bless their souls when they're in fucking hell Taking it up the ass by Hitler for not going in there

If I'm walking down the street and there's a fire my 60-year-old raggedy ass and Somebody says to me as a kid in there. I'm going in that house. I don't care about my life I already did what I had to do. I already made enough mistakes for three lifetimes You know, so if you're one of those cops then you have a child Nothing Nothing You gotta worry about that, you know, you call your dentist you got a fucking machine You call your lawyer you got a machine you call the fucking driver's license bureau. You get a fucking machine

What happened to humanity man? What happened to fucking humanity just showing people You're a little human from that's not about the fucking rules If it was about the rules for me, I broke them a long fucking time ago This is when you're in this inner voice comes on you go This is what I need to do to do the right thing and guys I fucked up enough in my life I don't have to fucking brag to you guys about it, but I've always said how can I be a better person the next day? How can I be better after this? How can I be the bigger fucking man? How can I you know, how can I?

Get away from this to make my life that much better and I've been doing this my old fucking life guys I had a serious fucking problem. I had a couple fucking problems You know saying who the fuck am I kidding? I had a couple problems and I dealt with them and Here we are today, and I'm very proud that I fucking dealt with them But this shit that's going on I Don't even know where to start Is it gonna change if I go on stage and crack jokes and take you away for 30 minutes or 45 minutes not really It's just a fucking band-aid

This thing that we're going through as Americans right now It's gonna take time It's gonna fucking take time the world's not healthy. We got a war going on. We're putting sanctions on Korea You know and guys. Yeah I'm from the old school that Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. We still got to push forward and do what the fuck we do, right? But for the first time I even had a break from that and go What the fuck is really going on here?

We could laugh we get high we could do everything we can to forget about it, but it's right in front of us So it starts with you as an American don't start with me doesn't start with Mike It's not but it starts with us in the words of whatever, you know, it's time to clean up a backyard Who says that is this Cypress Hill or jump up or something like that one of those old rap song It's time to look at you know clean up your own fucking backyard right now We've all gone through a lot of shit the last two years all of us have But now it's time to say what the fuck is really going on You know, they opened up the country and we fucking as Americans ran out there thinking that that was it the end of the world

You know, there's 92 fucking bands on tour right now. There's a thousand productions. There's a million comedians on tour and You guys think you're gonna take care of your life by going to a show or going to a Broadway show To see some fucking comedians go see some fucking movie You think top gun is gonna change what's going on the fucking world today Huh, what do you think? What do you think fucking he's gonna get Val Kilmer with his scarf around his neck And they're gonna go fight the villains of the fucking world. Good luck, my friend It's time for us to fucking sit down and go. Wow. What are my capabilities and what are my capabilities? What could happen?

You know, it used to be ten years ago. That'll never happen in In my school that'll never happen in my son's school that'll never happen at my wife's work That'll never have you know, guess what it's fucking happening guys It's happening and it's happening in your own backyard. I'm one of those people who cares what happened in Ohio That'll never happen in Jersey bitch. Give it a give it a week or two Especially at this momentum give it a fucking week or two. So it's really time to lift your head up a little bit and go What the fuck is going on? What can I do what can I do as an American to make

My life better and Mike's I'm like, you know, you can't save the fucking world guys We're just trying to make each other lies better the people we love the people we care for You know, but like I said to you guys I for years. I always thought about What the fuck happened 95 when I went off the fucking I mean guys I was doing coke Two three days a week in those days, but seven days and five days in a row that never was me I didn't care about comedy. I didn't take a shower I remember that I ran out of coke and I used to have a wall behind the shower I threw in three packages. I took the whole wall down. There must have been 300 packages in there now one package

I'm shitting it. I mean Guys I could sit here for hours and tell you these disgusting drug stories because I went through But for years I wondered why I did things like that. What would make a human being Want to fucking you have two streaks going down his nose Matt my nose looked like the Batmobile when the fire came out like that for weeks I had fucking two little scars from the straw scraping up the skin and from the shitty coke burning through my fucking skin For years, I thought about what it was. I never understood that it was something to do with kids when it comes to kids, man I am

Not good my anger goes up quickly whether it's a fucking pedophile Whether it's somebody hitting your kid and they're not supposed to whether it's you know Going online and bothering the kid all that shit gets to me And it gets to me for a couple reasons it gets me because The kids today and I'm sick of talking about this and I if you watch earthquake special on Showtime or on Netflix, you know our kids today are not who we were not by a fucking long shot And I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what happened You know, I got into this in 92. I tried to become a human being in 95 and in fucking

2010 there's no kids on the streets. There's no You know, I don't know what the fuck happened But these people attack these children because they don't Our children today as sad as the seams. They got no fucking common sense Look at these kids They got no common sense and us as parents are not doing anything to help these fucking kids. Oh He likes to play video games. Are you fucking crazy? That's okay to play a video game at night, but not when you're a kid your whole world is video games

How's that child gonna adjust socially to anything? I Mean, this is the shit I think about I look at my daughter. You don't think I worry. I fucking worry man. I Worry I think about all this shit that went on with girls in the comedy store and fucking You know all the lies and everything Guys, I'm trying to raise a daughter that this will not happen to This one these things will not happen to her You know what makes a nice American girl that comes from a nice family

Move to LA and suck big roms dick the yoga guy with that little bikini on and yes It was one of my jokes, but it was one of my jokes because it was how my world collides with the rest of the world I don't know how a white girl From Ohio can move to LA and next thing, you know, she's blowing some fucking dirty fucking I don't even know what the fuck he is Tunisian that smells like curry and God knows what else that that's a yoga teacher That's got fucking hummus coming out of his bald fact. What would make a woman do that to get ahead? What would you what do you do by getting ahead by blowing some yoga guy? You know how many fucking guys are walking around LA telling young girls that producers

Meanwhile, they're fucking guys with accents who drenched themselves like cologne. You ever smell those guys that don't even shower They just call it a cologne over sweat and it's got that fucking Hummus odor to you and these girls are trying on my producer. What would do what film have you worked on? Oh, I don't know and they're gonna sleep with these guys. So when I saw all that shit going on I'm like, you know what? I got I got to raise my daughter the right fucking white cuz these women are out of their fucking minds every day I open a fucking Twitter you go on Twitter. There's a chick on my Twitter that's fucking and sucking every day on Twitter I mean fucking and suck it on Twitter. I got like two or I don't follow them

I don't even know these people are they just fucking show up on my Twitter fucking I got some chick that is the ugliest woman in North America Like you could tell this girl got hit with all types of shit And she's like a patreon chick that shows a pussy and stuff like that. She calls herself some who fucking raised you Who fucking raised you? So this is my concern. This has been my concern since I left Los Angeles. This has been my concern You know, they're just a the kid thing is all out now. So now I got to take my fucking daughter I already had a long talk with my wife. I'm gonna be talking to a lot. Things are gonna change in this fucking house And that's it man, cuz I can't deal with this shit no more. I really can't

You know, I've had some struggles later. I was telling Mike when he came in I've been struggling a lot lately with the fucking podcast whether not to do a podcast If you don't have a zoom to move the office my wife my fucking house I'm bored to death. Should I do stand-up? Should I not do fucking stand-up guys? I don't want to do anything I don't want to do anything. I just want to rest Smoke fucking pot and sell some fucking good weed to you motherfuckers. That's all I want to do I don't want to do anything. I've done I did everything I had to do my fucking soul is filled with bullshit. I'm just I just want to have a good time

Raise my fucking daughter. I don't want to stay out late. I don't want to go to studio 54. I don't want to do nothing I don't want to do coke. I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to see nobody I want to go see jelly roll. I'm going to go see fucking allison chains and bush at the PNC whatever You know, I'm keeping it fucking local this summer and I'm minding my p's and q's. I'm doing this for joe next weekend I don't know what's going to happen after that. I have no fucking idea. All I know is that I'm going to try my hardest friday and saturday. I'm gonna You know, just be me. That's it. I'm not worried about it all anymore

I can't there's so many other things I need to worry about my life right now that are fucking just And like I said, I never cared about nothing outside. I lived my life guys being the fucking pro Like I don't give a fuck what's going on in the world. I got to get up every morning. I preach this for years You guys have heard me You guys have heard me talk about it. I don't give a fuck. Guess what guys I For the first time in a long time, I gotta give a fuck now I gotta give a fuck now because like I said for years were like that. I don't never happen to us

I don't think the people And I'll rule the whatever fucking part of texas thought I don't think the people in buffalo ever thought that You know, so do me a favor. Please keep your fucking eyes open. You know hug your kids Kissing before they go to school when they come back Because we're living in a new fucking world with a new fucking set of rules And that's why you could do is uh smoke pot in your house. You got to fucking be attentive When you're outside, you know, my neighbor told me she was walking to work the other day and

You know 10 feet from her homeless guy Stabbed a guy on 42nd street She could try to even hear it go down all I heard was a yelling people screaming Fucking 9 15 in the morning What possesses some guy what possesses some stinky fucking bum that's sleeping on a box To get up and just stab a fucking guy on uh time square. I don't know I don't fucking know anymore guys, but this is the world as we see it Like I said, it's memorial day

I didn't want to come on here on a fucking Monday and talk this nonsense, but sometimes guys We just got to have somebody open our eyes to what's going on. Sometimes we don't pay attention. I'm one of those guys I always appreciate When somebody makes me aware of something we got monkey pox How the fuck did this start can somebody tell me How to fuck monk they got 10 people with monkey pox Some guy went to france and fuck some got no i'm not i'm not doing this You guys got me with the bat in fucking china that spread fucking coven

Then they come from a bat in the laboratory now. It's a fucking monkey pox. When does it end? When does this fucking end? We're getting it from all over every fucking day I mean Thank god, I Yahoo is a fucking thing. I gotta click and most of the time I don't click on through it I even get my sports from espn sports now because i'm so sick of clicking on fucking yahoo

It's uh, it's absurd the fucking how can The fuck if somebody said it the other day, how can the chris rock smack? Be so relevant and the buffalo shooting is gone now Like that's what we focus on like we're still talking about a stupid fucking actor smacking a dummy fucking comic At a great fucking event and we're still fucking stuck on that. That's how you know We're still stuck on man amber herd dog. It's over like I told you by watching this I hope you learned that what uncle joey was telling you. I was cutting through the lines What's that expression when you read between the lines? I'm gonna tell you right now with that whole amber herd johnny depth thing

It's about hollywood people You people are watching that you can't dog. I'm 50 years old. I never dreamed of fucking shit on somebody's bed I'll shit in my fucking toilet. I'll shit in a box and put it in your drawer. I've never dreamed of shit in their bed I don't know about you that girl's white. She looks like she's educated. She looks like a family has money That's the shit that goes out to la to sell their soul Those are the girls that come back to you in 10 years and go chris north made me suck this dick Well, look at you

Look at you. You're all over it. You're all fucking over it now You when you look at that amber herd and johnny depth look at both of them go there both too disgusting hollywood people Don't even listen to that stuff. It's disgusting I was at dinner a couple nights ago with like three friends and they were telling me what and I'm like guys Now, you know why I left that way

Listen to that shit Listen to that gibberish Listen to who their her friends are who's her friends the rapist and fucking elon musk Uh, whatever his name is uh, uh, orange pineapple pineapple. Yeah pineapple express That's who they hang out with they got no normal people in their lives So they bring more fucking creepy hollywood people in their lives And johnny depth. I don't know. I don't know every time I see the singer from aro smith I think somebody robbed him. That's it. Did you watch steven toller on fucking rogan watch steven toller on rogan

Watch him talk and then look at fucking All right, this fucking want to be fucking guitar player, you know, you don't see me fucking With bracelets and and a chain and yeah, then he fucking almost killed joe parry in long island He gave him some fucking pill his heart stopped beating and fucking in 10 fucking minutes. That's the guy. Yeah, yeah, and he did That's what hollywood is get a real fucking look at it. That's why guys like me would never ever make it in hollywood I don't know about that shit Dating somebody just to get ahead that if you can't tell that what that was Let's tell what there was no love there

And he don't give a fuck either because he gets his dicks up 18 times a day This is something he found the stupid chick that wanted to move in with him Here's another fucking dummy that wants to move in with me. That's all that is that's all that Guys, this is all this is Why do you guys even watch this shit support this shit? He's been telling me about years those people Are fucking disgusting They got no souls They don't like that shooting should happen in LA because those people don't care about their kids

They just have kids to tell people my kids don't have kids You go to a pool. They got with they're with their mexican nanny. You go to a restaurant. They're with their mexican nanny Those people don't care about anybody They just talk and you fall for it. Oh, he's so sweet. No, they're not They're garbage. They will sell their mother for fucking a movie. They'll sell their mother. It's like my man fucking By the way, he's got some shit last week for being too real Ricky Gervais You know, nobody likes the truth anymore guys. We're living in a society that god forbid you tell the truth. Oh God forbid you tell the truth about anything today. You're fucking ostracized

You know bill mar did you see bill mar last week? What he had to say? That it was trendy being fucking, uh, you know, it was just trendy which it really is You don't even know why you're doing it. I told you guys 20 years ago I was at the goucho grill across the street from the lab factory And there was a gentleman in the table behind me And he was so gay. I had nothing against him. But in the back of my mind, I go nobody could be that gay Nobody They're so confused when they move out there. They become gay. Look at the chick from donny brasko

The chick that used to be a lesbian with Ellen now she's married with two fucking kids They will say or do anything to get ahead When then trust me when they go to la I Bro, listen, you see it. It doesn't take a genius to see people have turned gay just to have something to do Just to talk to people just to get invited to parties That's how far, you know what goes to la all the broken people

From the all the good states that's what heads out in la And once you get they do a brain wash like 90 percent of them do and 10 percent of them don't I saw them for what the fuck they were. They're nasty fucking people that think that Somebody's got to say something to him. Let me tell you something I fell under that spell at one time when I was weak because of the coke I didn't want to lose the coke out of my life. Once I got rid of the coke. I had nothing holding me down I told you exactly what I was on my fucking mind on all those sets. Oh my god. There's a lady wants me to do one I'll fucking commercials. She's one of those people that always wears a hat

Which I can't stand, you know those fucking You know, like when you see a guy with a hat His girlfriend told me look cute in that hat and that dumb mother fuck I actually listened to instead of saying shut the fuck up Only synodric of where this fucking hat But all these these people wear hats to everything every time I look at their instagram there and I she asked me Can I fucking can you shoot this for me? I go on one condition That there ain't nobody there with a fucking hat on

I don't want to see her. She was like, what are you saying? And I'm bringing my own director Because I see the okie dope directors you hang out with with the tattoo rolled up t-shirt with a pigeon on their arm I don't want that. I got Bonnie McFarland. She could direct fucking better than half you motherfuckers And that's the way life is guys. Hey, it's memorial day motherfuckers. I just can't we weren't even gonna do a podcast But I go with everything that's going on the fucking world Let's talk to these beautiful people on a Monday morning God knows if they had a fucking horrible weekend like I did I didn't have a horrible weekend, but like I told you guys this shit just uh

It just uh didn't settle with me like most things do But anyway with that in mind, uh, we'll be back Wednesday It might be a zoom. It might be a fucking guest. It might be being by myself. I'm not sure yet I don't know but whatever I fucking do. I'm gonna do the best job I can if you don't like the zoom then don't watch it If you don't like the live guest then don't watch if you don't like me by myself Then don't watch. I know what to tell you guys the end is near That's it. You follow me the end is fucking near

So I want you guys to Think about what I talked about today See what you could do as an american to be a better fucking american to make the people around you grow a little bit And just pray Pray that no this shit happens to our families That we could uh raise our families without any other shit and that It gets better for us

That's all I could say, you know, uh keep writing keep writing your fucking goals And we keep worrying about us. We can't control what happens outside, but You keep an eye on them. That's the best we could fucking do. I can't tell you what to do All I could tell you is keep your eyes open Do the best you can don't go anywhere. You don't belong to be And don't believe the fucking height. Uh, we are In a short supply of love right now, but you know, I love you motherfuckers. I'm always here I show up tip top magoo whether I'm fucked up

What I'm doing all right and I'm doing all right. Thanks to you motherfuckers Have a great memorial day with your families Eat smoke eat some ass do whatever the fuck makes you happy. It's your fucking world As long as you're doing your backyard and you don't get fucking shot or whatever the fuck by these crazy people Or jesse smollett and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor jack First of all, I want to wish you a happy memorial day number two thank you For watching the joint today and also thank you for supporting me. I'm sorry

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