Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #168 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 14, 2014

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Oh yeah. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Here we go. Coxuckers. Monday, April 14th. Fuck your taxes. Live your life.

The IRS ain't going to throw you in jail. Just tell them the truth. You ain't got the fucking geetus. And they'll do a little fucking pay plan, would you? Hit it. Oh shit. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Don't make me fucking stab you on a Monday morning.

I got to be in county jail by lunchtime, but what the fuck, people, wake up, Coxuckers. Monday, April 14th. The day the devil was buried in sea and he got fucked in the ass. That's how lucky you are. Cricket league kicking. Nobody said to lower motherfucking up, up, jumping jacks. Get up. Wiggle for me, Lee.

It's been too long. Come on. Wiggle for Uncle Joey. Eating spare ribs all weekend. Oh yeah. I'm living like a doctor. It's the church of what's happening now, you bad motherfuckers. Wash your helmet.

Slink some dick. Pout of your balls. It's going to be a hot day today. Oh shit. What's the story, Lee? What the fuck, Lee? What have you been all week? Lower that shit.

What's up? I mean, I was in Vegas for the weekend. Vegas for the weekend. You having a nice time? Yeah. You jump up and down. What concert you go see? Lana Del Rey.

How did you get fucking tangled into this nightmare? My girl likes it. The concert itself, her herself, is a very good singer. But it was... What did she sing? Kind of like ballad sort of stuff. I don't know. Did you feel like taking a fork and stabbing yourself in the eye in the second song?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Her songs herself are fine. I haven't been to, and I haven't seen people like that ever. So I was at the Cosmopolitan, so I was at seven. At five-thirty, we get there just because she wanted to be close up front. She likes it. She used to get there like ten hours early for shows. That was never my thing.

I'm not really into concerts. So we get there, and it's kind of like we're in the third line. So they have a ballroom filled. You know how they have lines in movie theaters with the ropes? They did that with big tables. So we sit there for an hour and a half, and when they open, please open the door. These like 100-pound, 20-year-old girls start pushing the tables over, and it's like the Black Friday scenes, and they start rushing for the doors on the cop to have to slam the

doors shut, and we're all, it's like Black Friday. So after like 20 minutes of these crazy people pushing and shoving, we get in, and we're like in the middle of the crowd now in front of the stage, and people are air-blowing you and pushing you, and I don't like people I don't know touching me. I get claustrophobic. So about 20 minutes into that before, right when the opening guy starts about an hour in, because the doors opened at 7, opening guy didn't even start till 8. So around 8 o'clock, I was like, I gotta go sit down somewhere, and I told her to use

the bathroom, and I went and sat a little bit outside of the concert room. I sat there for like 20 minutes, composed myself, got a couple of waters for her and me, and when I left, she was like, you're not gonna be able to get back in, and I've been caught, I go to the jumping up and down Israeli guys, and yeah, it's busy, but you can get back in, you can walk around like a human being. When I try to walk back in with the waters, you would have thought I was going to murder these girls' families. They were elbowing me, they weren't letting me in, I was like, listen, I'm not trying

to stand here, I just want to get to where my girlfriend is with these waters, and I'll leave you alone, and they weren't, they were letting me in, I had to like push them girls out of the way, and after like five minutes, I just couldn't get to her. It just wasn't happening. So I texted her, I'm in the back, if you want to come, if you want to stay there, I understand. So she came out, we stood there, when Lana Del Rey came out, it condensed even further. She, Paula told me that when she used to go to concerts, she would come home at the end of the day, bruised up.

I don't understand that at all. These girls were throwing punches to like see this concert, and I was like, what the fuck is happening? You gotta talk to these people, you gotta sit this girl down and talk to her, you can't go to these fucking concerts. I won't go, you already talked to these concerts, you're talking to me. I don't know how you fall for this shit, fucking Lana Del Rey, give her 10 bucks for the fucking CD, you're gonna go to Vegas to see Lana Del Rey, get it together.

But it was just getting beat up by girls. What the fuck is going on in your world? What do you do all week? You hang out with fucking little fags, or you hang out with flavor? What? How you gonna go to these things? Well, fuck it. It's a conversation.

What is Lana Del Rey? What is wrong with you in Vegas? What? Next time give the girl 50 bucks and send her on her own, you're gonna go to like a fucking momo to get beat up by girls. What is this shit? Well, next time I'm not going, but it's just... The fuck does matter with you?

What do you... Who thinks... We talk all week here. Who thinks people are gonna act like that? Not that they're gonna act like that. It's a... We talk all fucking week, what do you even go into these fucking disasters for? Because your girlfriend wants to know...

Who gives a fuck? If you give her $50, go see Lana Del Rey. You know one of her fucking songs? No. You don't know not one of them. Why would you fucking go sit there like a fucking momo, oh, this song is great. Yeah, it touches my... Who gives a fuck?

Lana Del Rey. Next time you give her a yardstick and you send her solo, see if she'll fucking go then. She ain't gonna go? No, she'll go with her friend next time. No, no, you're gonna go with her friend, you're gonna put up with that shit Lana Del Rey in Las Vegas. I can see Led Zeppelin killing yourself, a bad company or somebody. I think you know who's coming to the forum and what it's Fleetwood Mac.

That's great, go see that one too, you've been down to that forum, wait till you get stabbed in the fucking neck. That's where Paula lives. Good, tell her to go to that one solo too, you're gonna fucking for them. I thought, I thought fucking Lana Del Rey fans would be little girls and it would be like a nice peaceful concert. Like I said, do you know any of her songs? No.

Not one, why would you go to that fucking disaster? Because you do want to dating somebody. No, you don't. You give them a yardstick, if you said to her I'm gonna go see these fucking Jews. She don't know who the fuck they are. Listen, if we were some other fucking obscure band, you know what I'm saying, like some guy's shit, you're not gonna take her with you, what's the matter with you Lana Del Rey?

You give her a yardstick, you give her a $50 coupon to eat at the buffet. That's what you do with girls, you can't just say, you can't just go alone. You go with your girlfriends, you don't put yourself in that predicament. Well next time I won't. No, what the fuck, two and four hours away for this shit, a hotel room. No, but we stayed for the week, we had a good time, otherwise we had a good time doing all that stuff. I saw you eating spare ribs.

What was the name of the Chinese place? Noodles in Blasio. Noodles, and where'd you stay at? Trump. And how was it? Good, it was. Was it Pac Las Vegas? No, not Thursday.

Friday and Saturday. Friday and fucking yeah, like I said, and then Friday's even slower, Saturday's the big night in Vegas. Yeah, Friday's were a little bit busy. Really? A little bit, Saturday was definitely busier. And what night was the show? Friday.

Okay, so what'd you do Saturday? I would gamble. We'd do what I wanted to do. And I ended up winning, so it was fucking fun. No, it's fun. They have a game called Blackjack Switch, where you have to play two hands, but you can switch cards around. That's how you win.

That was fun. I don't know, fucking. It was just, it was something like- You loved the gamble. I love you. Oh, I love gambling. I love it. You're such a dirty, degenerate Jew.

I love it. It's in your butt. I don't know how to fuck. You get it like your face gets red. Oh yeah. I love it. I love it. I would never get that from you.

And she got pissed off at me because I was up. Okay. I was up 295 when I left. I wanted to get that five extra bucks and I ended up losing 80 because I wanted to get that five extra dollars, but I still, I still ended up up like 300 or 400 for the weekend, so I was happy. But that's what you have to do. You have to go with someone who doesn't like gambling because they'll pull you from the

table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little self-control. So you wanted to win the three even and you got the fucking who gots a burger. Yeah. And she was everything. She got pissed off. She was like, we're going now, before you lose fucking everything, you fucking idiot.

For the time of the gamble too. Only two because we took one of your flights. We took the 650 flight out of Vegas. So we were going to get... It was already Pac-Loss Vegas. The line was already filled in the mornings. It was just about you. It's just about, it's how long, man.

We got there like 530 and if we had waited until six, it would have been bad. But it was a fun weekend. It was, you know, when you travel with a person, that's when you can find out if you're actually going to be okay. And the concert, we didn't fight about the concert. We didn't fight about the gambling really. It was a lot of fun. We went to Bobby Flay.

And if you ever go, if you're ever in, if you have a little bit of money to spend and you're in the Cedars Palace, Mesa Grill is one of my... It's fucking delicious. What do you eat that kind of stuff? I had a ribeye and it was fucking, it was Chipotle, something, it was like a little bit spicy. It was... Tremendous.

Yeah, it was fucking amazing. I was Grand Rapids before you fucking young me about it. All right. So, Lana Del Rey was, it would have been fine, but these, like, now I can see why you're writing that book for how to be a woman for your, for your mercy, because I was, I was blown up. I was blown up when they started pushing the tables over and you're boom, boom, boom, and I look back at me and all that, that hour and a half waiting in line was wasted

because everyone just started running in the cops were like, what the fuck? How many people were at this place? It had to be 500, 600, at least, if not a thousand. Mexican people. A few, mostly white girls. From LA and like just, yeah, probably. No, it's fucking craziness. I've always had problems with constant and smaller venues.

Yeah. Constant and big venues, they have control of. It's a bigger venue. Yeah. But at smaller venues, it's always kind of fucked up. You never know. And they're fun. If they're really fun, they're fun.

But if it goes sour in the beginning, people pushing and shit, it goes bad. I've never went to a concert with people pushing like once I got to that shit, I can't, I can't. I'm like you. I'm like you. I don't like being touched and people being sweat on me. I would have imagined you could sit down. Like, why don't they have seats at these things?

I don't know. I don't like standing up either for fucking two hours. Like to sit down and you get up in the front of your fucking gets up and you got a stab him in the neck. Yeah. It's a fucking night. Grand Rapids, let me tell you, I've always been a fan of Michigan. I've always, since day one, I don't know why.

I had a friend, Jim Wheeler, who was crazy from Detroit, a white dude that I loved with all my heart. He was there for me when I got locked up. He taught me how to sell cars. And he used to have that shirt that said Detroit, the murder capital of the world. Really? And he's always telling me about Detroit. That's why when I had the opportunity to get paid the first time and my friend Todd

Jordan asked me, what do you want to do comedy? I said, Joe, you know, Detroit, I've always wanted to go to Detroit. And once I went to Detroit, I started exploring Michigan, you know, I would go to Grandin or I'd go to fucking this one place to do a one night. This is 13, 14, 15 years ago before anything, you know, I was just traveling around Michigan doing stand up for John Yoda at these one night is that we're fucking hell. But I really got to enjoy Michigan. Like there was something about the people, the girls, you know, people were very open-minded

about weed and this and that. Oh, they've always been open-minded about it. Yeah. But it's always been a great fucking city, you know, the decline of Detroit is one thing. That's nothing that they can't control. But I'm talking about Michigan as a whole is a beautiful fucking state to drive to seasons. You know, you go up, up, up all the way up towards Canada, Mackinac Island, it's I mean, Traverse City, it really is nice.

So, you know, listen, for me to not go anywhere in Michigan is painful for me. I hope that this opens the door now that I could go to more places like Flint and Lansing and fucking. What is that like? Is it is it hard for comedian to get into, I guess the word is market. Is it like hard to get into the state if you haven't been there? You know, every market is different and every market has different people that you have to go through.

Okay. And you know, the market, that market has a ton of comedians. So it's very hard for him to bring people in. You know, he has no reason to bring people in. Okay. So there's going to be great comics in the Midwest that don't travel at just staying in the Midwest. Oh, okay.

So when I got in, I had to cancel last year because not a Brooklyn Nine-Nine, something else I had to cancel for. So I didn't want to cancel Grand Rap, you know, when I got into Grand Rapids, I had been there. This is what I did. And I started thinking about it in 98. I went back to Detroit with a girl I used to date and I just called John Yoder one day out of the blue and I go, look, I'm a comic from L.A. I'm a regular at the store. This is what I've done at the time.

I've done basketball and maybe a pilot for CBS. I go, I'm not calling you the headline. I'm calling you for 25 minutes and he goes, I have an opening week. Do it. Doesn't pay much. And I did it. And I did okay. And I got hired to do gay pride.

Oh, wow. And Grand Rapids. And I went back and they gave me a 1500 bucks and a line of blow and it was fucking great. And I never went back to Michigan again, but I had a great time and I used to go, no, towards the end. I would always be in either Saginaw, Travis City, one of those watersly, traveling, traveling, Saginaw, Travis City, I would go to those places, Bay City to do comedy, stuff like that.

So I had no idea what to expect at Dr. Grins this weekend. And what I expected was fucking pandemonium. When I tell you fucking pandemonium, I mean pandemonium. I mean, that place was packed. All five fucking shows. Three fucking people, you know, fucking Jew t-shirts everywhere, fucking, you know, it was just, it was just really good to go there. Like I was overwhelmed.

If you ask some of the people that came Thursday night and maybe Friday and they thought my head was somewhere else, I was overwhelmed because I knew people were going to come, but I didn't know that many people were going to come. And it was just really cool. You know, people gave me edibles, they gave me edibles for you. Oh, they did. The girl made me a plaque that said no momos. My main man gave me a t-shirt for Mercy, Michigan State Spartan t-shirt for Mercy.

It was just great. The fucking, I had some salmon at that restaurant with ricotte and fucking mushrooms and red peppers. I ate the salmon every night. I ate the salmon every night. The hotel was great. I mean, it was just, listen, man, comedy for me now, it's really wild how at shows, people always pull me over and they embarrass me because that's what you do when you say those things

to me that the podcast is helping you by me admitting different fucking things, you know, the drugs, the prison, all this shit. Let me tell you something. This podcast is helping me as much as it helps a lot of people because it keeps me in check. I have to be at my best around you fucking people. I swear to God, I have to be at my best now. I just can't be a regular comic. I got to go the extra mile for these guys.

You know, it's really hard to describe. Like when I used to get on stage before, I didn't know what I was going to do. Now, even if it's an old joke, I'd rather you people laugh than me take a gamble with you anymore. Like that's the point. And I throw new things in there. I'm constantly writing, but it's so weird how much I care for you guys, you know, how much I try to do the best that I can.

I try to leave it all out there for you. So as much as you guys are fucking helping me, or I'm helping you out in the way with the podcast and talking about mistakes and being wrong, or whatever the fuck we talk about here, it is what it is. I'm sorry about last week also with the fucking ladies yelling, you know, it was great radio as my man, Timmy Holloway said, but we don't deserve this shit. We hide. We got this office.

They know what the fuck we're doing. So and what happened last Monday, to be honest with you was that I went away from my normal frame of mind. I'm trying to do different things with the podcast. I don't want to be that guy that does the same shit every fucking week. So I try to bring guests in here, try to have a different type of people call in. Last week I made the podcast later, which I didn't like at all. Mondays podcast.

I always at six a.m. I want to get up with you motherfuckers. I want to see what you're feeling. I want to be there with you from the fucking weekend. You know, we all feel like shit on Monday morning. Who gives a fuck? There's no second place metals on Monday. You got to get the fuck up and do it.

And that's why I do this shit Monday mornings at six a.m. And from now on Mondays will be Monday morning at six a.m. We're going to move to an office when we could smoke reefer if we want to. We could jump up and fucking down and scratch my balls. I'm going to get a microphone. We're going to turn this into a morning motherfucking show for you motherfuckers because you guys are putting all the effort in for us. We're going to do the same thing.

And I want to touch on something really important because I fuck up. I fuck up like everybody else. I say stupid shit every fucking day. I was going to say from time to time every fucking day. I say stupid shit. And if you don't say stupid shit every fucking day, you're not going to get something good from time to time. About three years ago, I was doing a podcast with Joe and we were talking

about Twitter and Facebook and how I didn't want to be a part of it. You know, I'm like, I don't want to be a part of that shit. And they were talking to me and I'm like, listen, if you're fucking in jail, we're one of these idiots from Facebook or Twitter, fucking bail you out. What a fucking mistake. I said by saying those words, what a fucking mistake. You know, now we fast forward three years later. And I got to tell you something, guys, I don't believe in shit.

You got to fucking. I'm from Missouri, motherfuckers. You got to show me, you know, I'm one of those motherfuckers. You want to talk about Bigfoot? Bring him to my fucking office and then I'll talk to you. You want to talk about Martians? Bring him over here and then we'll fucking talk. I'm the type of guy that if I talk to you about something,

it's because I've experienced it or I haven't experienced it or whatever. But I'm not going to hit a bullshit story just to give something like something happened last week in the Facebook, Twitter, as far as the church community, one of our friends, Lawn, you know, isn't that his last name doesn't matter. He's been with the church since day one. You know, he's been with he was at me and Felicia. This guy's a good guy on Facebook, you know, post music.

I say little things to him. He hits me back last, you know, I don't know what night. I don't even know if I have the freedom to devise this. But last week, he lost his son. He lost a 16 or 15 year old boy. And I can't imagine the pain. And he had sent me videos to look at Thursday or something and or Wednesday. And I wrote him back and I was going to look at the videos on the plane.

Because that's the guys. I can't look at all the shit you send me when you send it to me. A lot of times I have to look at shit when I have downtime. That's why I answer the emails on Sunday because I have two hours. I can't answer them to you right away because it would fuck up my whole day. So I try to position everything and chunks in my life. So I didn't look at the video till I was going to fly. Before I could when I went to open the message for the video that he had linked

on, he wrote something that Joe, it's OK, it really doesn't matter now. Last night, I found my 15 year old son dead or whatever his son, you know. And at first, I thought it was a joke. You know, I thought it was a joke. I mean, we all joke around and we fuck around. But then I looked at it and I clicked onto his page and I knew that something was different about him, you know, something he was getting different messages. And I got to tell you something, I got busy in my own world

and I put it away, you know, I put it away. And I think I had to do a show or something. And then I came back that night and I really started looking at it. I started reading the postings and guys, it was like I knew this man. Because I broke into tears over the loss of his child. I broke into tears while I was on Facebook. I felt so bad. I felt so fucking bad. I understood his pain, you know, I really felt this kid's pain.

And I think that I ate my words when I said those words that day on the Rogan podcast, we are a family here. We know I got to tell you something, guys. I know you guys are going to think I'm crazy. We're connected here in some way on this fucking show or on this internet because I felt what this poor man was feeling through his child. And what we're doing online right now with whatever, even if it's a thousand of us, I don't really give a fuck.

But just the people that are in, we're in man, we're onto something. We're onto something online. This is these are stupid fucking wires, man. These are stupid fucking wires. And I could feel his pain through those fucking wires on a fucking computer. What does that tell you, man? We're doing something here. It's not the church. Don't tell me it's the church or it's this fucking Jew gambling Jew.

It's you guys, it's us, you know, we're onto something. And the church family, that's it. We become a family of no more fan. I don't want to hear this shit no more, man. I don't want to hear this shit no more. I'm going to make new patches and new shirts. This is the church family because this is what we are. You guys have shown me something

that I never had before in all my fucking life. Lauren, we all are hard to go out here for your child. If there's something we can do for you, you know, please let me know on Facebook and we'll all get together. We'll put it go fund me, whatever the fuck you need. You haven't asked for a dollar. You haven't asked for anything. You've been a man, but we're just here to tell you that we're here for you, man.

Thank you. And we're sorry. It's a I just want to let you because sometimes when you're in the middle of this, you don't see your friends. So I get messages sometimes for shout outs to do all the thing. And I just I say thank you, but it's not my place to do it. His friend, Evan, messaged me. Yes, yes, because I was going to tell you. But you found out before. So he was he didn't he didn't ask me to mention him.

But he was the one who told me about it. I don't know if he told you about it. Yes, he did, too. It was I really know. But I wasn't going to give him one. This is not about a fucking shot out for long because it's so in past. I just want to know the lesson I learned from more this weekend. You know, little fucking music. They don't just fucking sit there.

Cops suck. I learned a big message for more. So I thank you. I'm sorry. It was took a death to make us realize it. I'm sorry. Fuckedly, you cock suck. Where's these animals at? That's it. Where's the good me bears that big? This is where I was going to open this, huh?

You thought I forgot. Cocksucker. Huh? It's Monday morning. I don't think you ever forget about an animal. I don't think it was yours. So here's what he does. Fucking thing. It's over. That's it. You always complain. You don't eat breakfast.

I didn't eat breakfast. I'm opening it now. I'm opening it. I never get them credit. Oh, cool. Green or red? Green. That is cool.

I'm not even to give you a fucking brain, too. That five milligrams a piece is 20 million. I'm the whole thing. This ain't doing that deal. Oh, it's good. Yeah. Tremendous, motherfucker. It's Monday, April 14th.

Wake up, you fucks. It's going to be beautiful out there today. Anyway. The fuck, Lee. Stop drinking water. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Stop drinking water. Fuck, some water.

No, it was, yeah. No, that's a... What did I say to you? Yes, you know, in 1984, when I was home, I went back to New York for some reason because I'm an asshole. I want to be with some girl or something. And I went home.

And something happened in April that young Palm Sunday that I forgot all about. It was a massacre in New York City. They massacred a family, Lee. A mother and nine kids. Maybe a man or something, but they were all kids. They were all kids from five... I don't know what the ages were.

It was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen in the newspaper. They showed the funeral on Easter Sunday. They showed the inside of the Daily News was a picture of the funeral parlor. It was just caskets. It was like a small war. And at the time they had blamed on the Colombians

that the family had owned Colombians some money or some shit like that. But, you know, life went on. I forgot all about it. And yesterday morning I got up in Grand Rapids and I'm looking at the computer and I'm drinking coffee. And there's an article about the 30th anniversary

of this massacre. How in all the blood and all the kids and all the parents that were there, they found a baby that was 13 months old that was walking around in the blood. And they picked the cop, put that baby up, picked the baby up, took it to the station. She had to give her up to some emergency family that night.

And then she followed that child all along to, you know, to check down the child. A fucking great story. I never knew this, you know. And it just shows you that I was very lucky and this girl was very lucky, you know, and this cop kept touching base with her, touching base and then when her grandmother died, the cop adopted her.

Whoa. And now the girl's 31 years old and this cop and her husband adopted her and what happened through her life. I don't know how she wanted to find out who her mother was. Her mother was 20 when she got killed, you know. But in the pictures, they said that the mother died with a spoon in her hand

and like baby food or some shit, you know. So she always wanted to investigate who was she going to feed, you know. It was that little baby, you know. It was 13 months old. Fucking, if you could find this in the New York Times yesterday, 30th anniversary of the Palm Sunday Mass, it's fucking touching, you know.

I mean, who the fuck would have known there would have been a silver lining until 10 people dying, you know. 10 people dying, there's no silver lining. But it really... It goes to show you that there always is a silver lining, man. You always... You think so?

Because, I mean, I... So this is the question I had. Because it's been a year since the Boston one and they keep playing videos about it. And I'm like... I mean, I guess there has to be, right? You overcome through pain? But for stuff like that

sometimes they get negative about it. Like, I'm thinking, like, why are they trying to... Like, why do they need to run a newspaper article about it? Like... Well, it's the year. It's the year. And then, number two, they're doing a show. Have you seen the show? It's very interesting. What show?

It's on Discovery, how they caught the kids and the detective getting interviewed. I saw it a couple weeks ago, and I think now they're making a series of it on Discovery and Nat Geo, one of those. Okay. And what they showed was from the beginning. They knew they were working against the clock, how they took the cameras and they looked at people

who didn't react to the explosion. And they saw that after he dropped, he went down, he didn't react to the explosion so they narrowed it down to him. It was very interesting. Listen, man, right now, a year later, you're not going to hear a silver lining story. Maybe you are. I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe a guy picked a woman up and she got a hand blown off, he took her to the hospital, and he was in love with having children. We don't know. We don't know if there's a silver lining to this. But I'll tell you what, when my mother died,

I got to find out to give the friendship. The people who took me in were great to me. When I went to prison, I got to find out about the gift of fucking comedy. When I kidnapped Can Vella that day, that morning, I got to find out what I wanted to do with my life,

what I could do and what I didn't want to do with my life. There's always something, Lee. Today, if you go home right now and God forbid something happens and you call me and go, I got to go back to Boston. I'll call you when I come back. And a year from now, you call me and you go,

I didn't have the strength or whatever. This is what I learned out of this bad position I was in. There's always a silver lining. You're not going to see it that moment. You're not going to see it when you're sitting there at the wake. You're not going to see it when you're sitting at the hospital. You're not going to see it when you're laying in the hospital.

But you have to believe. Without believe, man, you have nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I had nothing. But I always knew that if I could make it one more fucking day, if I go to sleep tomorrow, man, tomorrow I might get the fucking job of my dreams.

Tomorrow I might hit the lottery. Tomorrow I might find a woman. It's so much belief. You know, people base this shit on everything. It's just believing in your heart. Sometimes too, especially day to day.

Like you're saying 30 years later, I can't imagine what that girl you know exactly what she was going through. I know exactly. I know exactly what she was going through and they didn't want to tell her. Oh, they didn't tell her that she was part of that? No, I forget. You have to read the article. They told her that

they told her something else and she found out and she investigated it because, you know, as a natural, you want to know what your mother died of and your dad. Yeah, of course. What's the matter? You're choking up over that? We haven't even eaten the whole thing. I'm already feeling it, but it's all right. I'm good. You got to eat another one. It's only five milligrams.

Nothing's wrong. No, no, no, no. But I think it's interesting because it's it's always, I don't know what the term is, but it's when you're going through something, it seems like it's, it seems like nothing good and it seems like it's day to day. But even looking back a year ago, or six months,

you do see movement through it. But it's I guess now it's hard to not be cynical about a lot of things. So I guess it's good to find the good things that happen. You have to. You have to. Because if you sit there and look at the negative,

you'll die in fucking sorrow. You'll die. You'll fucking die. It just makes no sense to you. I'm telling you, I can sit here. The book I'm writing right now about the biography is about the bad things that happened to me or the bad things that I created that happened to me

that I was part of creating. I'm not going to sit here bad things happened to me. No. And what the lesson was, I learned from them. Okay. You know, I went to blows with my uncle who was on the podcast. That uncle 30 fucking years ago,

you know, in 1984, I went to blows with him on fucking Vermont Avenue. The uncle that was sitting in that fucking chair four weeks ago, you know, we cursed at each other. We were going to fucking kill each other. I remember being in prison and prank calling him

and telling him in Spanish, I'm going to fucking kill you. They were like, I'm not that way. I was fucking living at him. But that day he gave me a message. You know, he told me that the world didn't know me shit. I didn't want to hear it at that age. Finally, when I was in a cell

four years later, I understood what the fuck he was talking about. Okay. I understood what the fuck he was talking about. You know, some of you guys watch or listen to this show and you think that fucking Joey's an asshole or whatever, or you are young enough, you have parents,

you have moms and dads, you have a father who's went to college, who's educated and you don't give a fuck who comes out of his words. You'll listen to a guy like me before you listen to your educated dad who came from a decent family and whatever. It's really weird that the people that we pay

attention to in our lives, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, our parents are our heroes, but sometimes they're fucking funny dutties. You know, why won't you let me go to the cons in Vegas? You know, my friends are going, they're telling you you're gonna go and you're gonna elbow with chicks. You don't want to go there, you're gonna waste your time. Give the chick 50 bucks, stay at home, snort some coke

and get some chick to come over and lick your ass so you get the same fucking result. But it's just amazing how people, you know, I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, this fucking edible already. No, I saw the smoking vapors this morning.

I knew you were, because you were looking at that in the camera corner, I mean, you're like looking at the camera and it's not even there. I don't even fucking know what I'm looking at. I don't even know what the fuck the cameras are in this room. Things turned around and satellites and shit. I got fucking clinics were looking at me. I got a lot of people bothering me.

But it's just amazing the things that we'll pay attention to and the people that will pay attention to the people that we listen to. That's the point of this fucking story. And it's hard because a lot of times you don't want to listen to the people. That's what happens to the parents. Yeah, who the fuck wants to? You don't know nothing. You don't know nothing.

And all of a sudden you see yourself in that position. Listen, man, if I were to listen to 40% of the advice I was given from the age of 20 and 30, I wouldn't be on a podcast sitting across from a chubby Jew at six in the fucking morning. You understand me? I'd be at home right now getting my fucking feet manicured

by three Asian chicks. Each foot three Asian chicks. Each foot, like one holding it, one polishing the other one going just blowing the dust off my toenails. You understand me? If I were to listen but I didn't listen, I had all the fucking answers. You know, I had

all the answers. So now I'm a comic that carries this fucking luggage every weekend. You follow me? I could have had my own boat, my own fucking island by now. I've been living like Marlon Brando but no. We all think we're fucking smart in our predecessors and we're really fucking not. But if we take a little bit of advice

that they have to offer us, you know, three or four people, we could probably fucking happen. Now, did you realize when did you realize, like with your uncle when he said the world isn't all you or anything, when did you realize that he said that and that was an important life? Four years later when I was sitting in a fucking jail cell.

Like towards the end of my sentence when I realized, when I got my reports and I, and I understood my fate, I understood where he was coming from. I understood where Juan, my stepfather was coming from when he said don't do this, don't do that, stay on top of that. You don't

learn nothing till you're in that position. Yeah. You know, till you're in the hospital, till you got stitches in your fucking head, till you got stitches in your mouth or you got handcuffs on. You never listen to advice. Why would you? You got all the fucking answers. No, you're not the kiss of death.

No, that would never be you. Everybody else is fucking wrong. And it sucks when you realize they were right. It sucks. Right at the beginning when you're like fuck. And that always happens with my mom for me because she always tells me things. I'm like mom, what are you talking about? That's not right. And then a few years later

I'm like, God damn it. And I have to call her. What, what happened when you fuck? My mom did some, Paula said something to me recently and it went back to what my mom had always told me. And I was like, I have to call my mom and tell her. And I'm like, God damn it.

But it always helps. But do you have someone like that where like they tell you something? You're like, God damn it, they were right. You don't it's, it's not the advice that people tell us it's the advice that we give ourselves sometimes because sometimes we have the answers. Number one

we always have the answers. We just don't want to fucking hear them sometimes. So sometimes think like last week when that went down with Felipe in here I knew it. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I came back to me. This is what I get for not sticking to my fucking plan.

This is what you get for not sticking to what you've been doing or you're fucking all the way. Why would I do a Monday lunchtime podcast? Why would I do something like that? I've been doing it at six in the morning getting myself fucking fired up ready to stab my mother fuck every morning. And no, I decide to do

a lunchtime podcast to come in here like some fucking David Letterman sidekick, you know, talking some stupid fucking questions at lunchtime. No, I like coming in here early and yelling and screaming and getting my day fucking going and getting the spirits momentum and the juices going because that's what fucking Mondays are about.

It's not about getting up at 10. Fuck that shit. It's about getting up at five and going, you know what would happen last week ain't gonna motherfucking happen this week. There's gonna be a way better fucking week. I'm gonna sharpen my dick. I'm gonna scrub my balls. I'm gonna put the other and I'm gonna go out there and stab mother fucking 15

times in the neck and that's what happens. I want you to be better than the last fucking Monday every Monday. That's what I strive to be. My goal is every Monday to be better than I was last fucking week. That's why I used to go to wait watches on Sunday so Monday I'd be fucking ready. Lee, you didn't eat the other fucking gloomy. I'm already feeling this one.

It's five milligrams. One more. Let's do one more. One more. Are you disappointed you didn't get the call for a letterman? Oh yeah, I was sad at home. Let's do one more out of respect. It's Monday. Let's do it for your IRS. One more.

Come on. I already ate the whole fucking bag. Good. I'm glad you did. You ate one. Eat two. Ten milligrams. I'm asking you to eat ten. Ten fucking milligrams. Can I eat half of it? No. One whole one. It's five milligrams of fucking things. Get more of those milligrams. There's more fucking girls

eat. There's more girls eat. Cut it out. Come on. Cut it out. Dammit. The body of Christ compels you. And even the Christmas pack too. A red and a green one. That's good. It's Christmas. Every fucking day of your life. You want a purple one? No. I'll trade you a purple one for a red one. These have to be twenty milligrams. No, they're not.

Eat the fucking sandwich, Ryan. Yeah, the body of Christ compels you. What the fuck? You got my man calling me up and you're fucking worried about it. It's five milligrams. This time eat the fucking thing, cock sucker. What it's all about. You got sugar in there to

kick up your diabetes. You know what I'm saying? I'm taking your sugar. It'll sink your sugar right through the fucking top. Who's better than you, Lee? Who's better than you? Tell me. Right now. Answer me. Who's better than fucking Lisa? Yeah. No one. Oh god. Nobody. Oh, thank you guys.

I'm for Grand Rapids. I saw they made a little Vine video for me. So, I was. God, I missed you, Lee. Black dog labs. These actually taste pretty good. They're good. They're fucking really good, man. Cut it out. You think I would fucking have their five milligrams of

peace? No. No, you're never an asshole, but it's just a lot of fucking animals. What a lot of animals. What you ate the fucking Tempe was a lot of animals. Trust me. People love seeing you sweating. Oh, of course. And I'm still getting tweets that you were

sensational in Tempe. I'm getting fucking hit from people saying, Lee was tremendous in Tempe. He was sweating. His face was red. Oh god. He kept saying, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Like somebody was fucking the fucking Kulo. You know what I'm saying? Well, thank god you didn't go to Tempe

this week because I would have had to drive through Coachella. Can I at least get some credit for not going jumping up and down and going to Coachella? Can I? I went to Vegas. I went to one concert. At least I'm not going to two weekends of fucking jumping up and down. I deserve

a little bit of credit. You get fucking O'Gott's cock sucker going to some girl concert. You should have duped her a yard. Let her go to the concert and you could have gone and played Blackjack by yourself. That's with a smart operator. I can't leave her alone. I can't leave her alone. She's a grown fucking woman.

I like that shit. You're gonna go to some fucking half effect and she's playing the piano barefoot with all the fuck she does. You gotta sit there and make believe you're having a good time. This is great. This ain't fucking great. Tell me the truth. Would you much rather be playing Blackjack than sitting

there? I'd always rather be playing Blackjack. Who the fuck would stop lying to these people at home? This is what the show's about. Fucking honesty. You're gonna sit there. This is great. You know who I'd like to have call on? I don't know if it's a psychologist or whatever it is. But as soon as I start gambling

even when I was there, I was like, all right, I'm gonna go back this weekend and I'm gonna go back and make more money. It's a fucking it's a weird thing seeing the degenerates in Vegas. We'll just wait until you see the camera. Do you get scared? Tell me the truth. I get scared when I see certain

the degenerates. I get scared but we were there and we walked in the Bellagio and this guy almost had 20,000 chips. He must have got one of those markers and my dick got hard. I was like he was playing 500 a hand and I looked at her and I was like, so you know what

20,000 looks like in chips? I don't know but it was stacked. I'm not here to fuck with you. I don't know what 20,000 looks like. Are they like 10,000? I know there's like thousand more It could have been more. It probably

was more. I think it was $100 chips but he had a stack in front of him. Like four or five or six comes up and I was just looking at it like what the fuck. Was he playing blackjack or poster? Blackjack and he just

was oh I just looked at Paula and she pulled me away because there was a 500 minimum hand table. It was like what the fuck. What's the highest minimum you ever sat down to play? I played at the $50 table. When I made a mistake a couple times I want to go. I played $300 a hand just

because I was what happens is you try to win money back and you start playing but that's not how you're going to win money. So I did that a couple times and then that's when I drove back the same night and I was pissed off. I lost 800 bucks but fucking there's

and thank God I don't live there because I would be fucking. I don't know how people go to college at UNLV it's fucking there's something in me that this and my grandfather loved it my grandfather went to the track every day it's something in me that that just pulls me towards it. You get mad

while you're losing money at all yourself. Not while I'm playing but I start playing stupidly. You have a good time. Oh I love it and I love it. I have a rule it's not racist it's a rule that I learn from someone else. You don't play with lady Asian dealers

for whatever reason they always mean at this one table I was at this weekend it was just I like it's a it's a it's very social. I'm not a very social person but the deal and I were talking you always talk to someone sitting there it's a great fucking time to have a drink it's always it's a lot of fun

and especially when you're winning you're high-fiving people you're knocking on the table when you want to get a blackjack it's a lot of fun. You just play blackjack or you do poker or else. I have to learn poker. I have to learn poker. Okay now these casinos downtown LA that are used to go to poker toys. Yeah. They don't play blackjack

they do a little bit but you have to. I don't know I'm asking you. No they do. I lost money there but they have bad they have the machines that shuffle for you and that's bad and then you have some of them you have to pay a dollar each hand you want to play. What stops you from going to those things? I've been to a couple. Like when we

leave here what stops you from going? There's no one I'm going to lose that. I went to commerce casino a couple times and it's just it's nothing like Vegas it's like a big it's like a big warehouse of sadness and it's just I like being I like the big I like

the big buildings and it's happy and I like dealers who are nice at places like that the dealers yell at you and it's just I would love to learn poker but it would also probably be the downfall I I scratch an itch when I go every six months to Vegas. If I

went every day I wouldn't come here. Let me ask you this I'd sell this computer. Just to talk about dreams and hopes. Yeah. Would you consider learning to be a dealer? Maybe but I don't want to be around that every day. Okay. Just I'm just got questions for you.

But they're so some of them are so good. We there's a guy on speaking of friends on Facebook and Twitter. There's a guy talking war who's a good guy who's one of the security guys. Right. And he told me what he said that some of the bigger casinos some of the dealers make a hundred grand a year just because they have to be they have to

be so fast and so good at it and they have to be able to count and have to be sociable and bring people in it's it's amazing when you really think about it all the stuff that goes into it but you're never going to beat them. How come I'm not a gambler Lee a guy like

me doesn't lose his mind every week because I have all the makings of being a gambler. My mother was a degenerate gambler. Yeah. You know I grew up in that environment I cannot tell you that I don't love it. I cannot tell you that I don't love sports. I'm 50 fucking one years old

I can't sit there and watch three games on a Sunday. Yeah. And when I was 20 I couldn't sit there and watch three games on a Sunday not because I hated football but because I felt guilty. I need to make money to do some of my life. I'm sitting there watching three fucking games and then take a shower and go to a bar to

watch the Sunday night game or the Monday night game really is that what my life is all about. Maybe you hate losing money more than you want to gamble because for me I hate losing money but I luckily for me I never got into any sort of drugs. I'm not

an alcohol I don't drink. So maybe addictions kind of lead towards other things maybe maybe the thing you have with drugs was your addiction and that took you away from gambling. Well it's funny because my whole thing was I paid a bookie on Thursdays a couple times

and did I like it? No because I would have to rob because I don't like when people don't pay me so I always believe in paying people so I would not let myself have to call you and say hey Lee I don't have your fucking money. So I would rob

and I enjoyed robbing. You know I enjoyed that part. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you people and say it was a gun to my head. I enjoyed doing this stupid shit I was doing in 1819 and this was one that really affected me at that age when it affected me

in 83 when I moved with a friend of mine called Furnie Basulto. His brother's on Facebook now. Furnie was my friend. I loved Furnie dearly. One of the pains in my soul today are the three guys I was closest with growing up.

They're not around in my life anymore. I don't really have them. I don't know Roger, Glenn and Furnie are doing their own thing and you know part of them doesn't like talking to me. Whatever. Roger does. Roger does. Timmy does who I gave a shout out Timmy Holloway.

And it's so weird that I don't even know what the fuck I was going to say to you. I was involved with the gambling with them. You know Glenn. My friend Glenn was a degenerate also. Furnie never gambled in his life. He came to me one day. He said he wanted to put a bet. And what are you guys always talking about?

Five times and ten times. He ended up putting a hundred time parlay in and one. Holy shit. A hundred times. First bet I've ever put a hundred time parlay in one. What happens to a guy like that? He gets sucked in. Oh yeah. He went right down to the bookmakers house and picked up 1200 bucks. We went to a restaurant called Piccolissimo.

We ordered the lobster fried Diablo. This is how fucking crazy this kid was. You know what a finger bowl is? You wash your fingers and when the seafood comes he drank the water out of the finger bowl. He had never been to a restaurant that nice before in his life. Just giving you an example of where his head was at

from fucking that day in October to Soup Bowl Sunday in 83. Which it was. 82, 83. He didn't stop. He gambled every week and he was up like 50, 60 grand. You always win the first time? Yeah. But he always won in the whole season. Oh wow. He was

been basketball winning and then came January. The Soup Bowl and he ended up losing the 60 he made plus 20,000 to his friends. And then for a month he just bet 40 time parlays three times a night to bet basketball. And if you want to catch up

on sports basketball is not the fucking way to do it every day. It buries you. Remember the prime gambling spots in this country September to fucking February first. Once that Soup Bowl is over 60%

of the gambling that's done in this country for sports is done because you have college football pro football college basketball starting up. You catch the beginning of it. It's still green in December so you can make some money. You got pro basketball starts in November. You have so

many different sports that are playing. You have college on Thursday nights and Saturday all day Saturday. You got pro now on Thursdays. Yeah. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Monday fucking night. They give you all these avenues to fucking gamble.

That's what I've always said that Thursdays is like putting the one fucking needle in the nail in Jesus. Friday is the other nail in his hand. Saturday those college games are nailing your feet. Sunday is the thorn in your fucking head in Monday night footballs and they stick

that spear in your fucking heart. It's the twelve stations of Las Vegas. You know what I'm saying? They don't fuck around Las Vegas. That's why it scares me because you're a very nice guy when you go to Las Vegas. It scares me. I know that you are. Well, I have some rules. I always go to the ATM when

I'm here and I never go to ATM there. No, in my top act they might steal your fucking number. Remember always in Vegas at least you got to go into your personal stuff the better. I got nothing against Vegas. It's a people. It's what the thing is made of. I have that rule. I don't carry all my cash with me like

I'll bring a little bit of it to the casino because I don't want to get robbed and I'm very like Paula when I whenever you go to the cashier, Paula just walk away and I say don't walk. I always move to the side. I always I don't walk around counting my money. I'm very careful. I don't play games that

don't understand like I try. I was going to play craps. I just don't understand it. So I have rules like that. Just I'm there's nothing. There's no better feeling for me than winning the money but it's just when you lose that sadness. Like when I went and came back the same night after losing

800 bucks. Oh that drive home is a depressing drive home and I didn't even stay the night in the hotel. I I was staying at the I was trying to make money. So I stayed at the quad and they give you a $25 credit for food. So I lost

all my money. But as I was walking back from the hope from the casino I took all my the loyalty cards they give you and I threw them out on the street. I threw them out in a trash can. I took the $25 food credit and I got I think I just went to the to the only open restaurant

and I was like give me this guy just got all the way up to 25 and went upstairs. I hadn't you know unpacked my bag in the in the room. I went and got my bag and I took the disgusting pizza. I just drove back home. It was it's a

it's a terrible thing when you lose and I think that the little bit of losing that I've had that's happened to me is what's keeping me from going other casinos because I would love it. There's nothing there's nothing who wouldn't love to be living in Vegas going to casinos but you see them every once in a while

especially in the sports book especially watching the horses. I sat next to a guy watching the horses who was hammered out of his mind but he was picking every race and he's picking the right but it's just he maybe when he went maybe when he actually bets

he loses but when he's picking it beforehand he wins every time I don't know it's just I gotta tell you something and I'll tell you this right now but some of the best times I've had have been on the horse track. I love the track but I go to the track with $40

and once I lose the $40 it's over and that $40 has to get me an iced tea a hot dog you know some entertainment when I'm there. For me there's nothing better than smoking a number and going to Santa Anita and getting some sun you have some clam chowder

when I was a kid I'd go to the metal age just to get the clam chowder. If I got a bullet clam chowder that means I won. For me I fucking won you know so Well isn't everything kind of I mean I don't want to say it's the same for drugs but maybe it is. Maybe if you could let me ask you if you could have

kept your cocaine habit to $20 Friday and Saturday would that have been okay for the rest of your life? Just doing a little bit. Just to No, because it wouldn't have been a little bit. But that's what I'm saying. For gambling if you can just do a little bit just bring $40 to the track once every few months

just to have fun and be outside with your wife. That's better than the people who are going to the ATM or doing the title loans on their cars like I feel like that's when you start losing it. So I just don't know. Maybe drugs are just always bad. Well for me

it was this. This was my philosophy at the time. I was doing drugs and I was gambling. So my fucking big thing was okay. If I'm going to give somebody money every Thursday and not get dick. Yeah. Not get dick. You hang this guy in there and he's like rough week, huh? Yeah. Alright. See you next week. No, I'll see

you know. That's all you get from your bookmaker. If I'm going to do that I might as well look out and get coke. Try to get my dick sucked and try to look out windows all night because that's what happens. You look out window you get paranoid. Yeah. That's. You want to eat another one? No, these are fucking strong as shit. They ain't fucking strong. Cocksucker.

They're good though. These are fucking. They're delicious. They did a great job. This is giving to me by fucking friends in Grand Rapids. It's called Black Dog Edibles. Yeah. They gave me a couple. A couple. I ate them the first night. Some other couple made edibles

like made cookies that were delicious. Yeah. I brought a bunch of those goomy sermons speaking with. How good of a time do we have Tuesday night? That was fun. Did you tell these motherfuckers that we went to Arie's This Is Not Happening Show? That's what we

told them about role models last week. You know what? If I answered 70 fucking emails last night 30 of them were about role models. Really? Everybody was confused. Everybody said the same thing. Everybody was like wow I had athletes but I realized

it was a great time. Goomies and Monos came. Those guys don't fuck around that. Those motherfuckers. They were so fucking high and they drove down from fucking wherever they live up north doing the fucking dabs in the couple. He said he bought a piece specifically because

it fits in the cup holder. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about? Listen guys, let me tell you something. A lot of people watch because of this California thing with the weed, a bunch of fucking fakes popped up. Thousands of fakes. They walk around with their eyes like this, like they're Jesus and

man I'm cool high and shit. They don't even smoke good fucking weed. I know half of them take two hits of garbage weed and it's just to impress you fucking morons. Shame on you for being impressed. But then you get motherfuckers that come along. That reefer

isn't that fucking nut sack. You understand me? Like it's who they are. You know and I have friends like that like Edwin Sanwan reefer isn't this fucking nut sack. He travels with a pipe that would kill most fucking people. He used to travel with a quarter pound Edwin. He used to meet Ralphie, Ralphie May.

Those motherfuckers smoke some dope okay. You know who gets fucking wasted every time. I just found an old mad flavors world on email that you sent me to look at before you put it up and it was the one with them in San Jose. Oh yeah.

It was just I saw Lee 2010. I'm like what the fuck is this? 2011 and I looked at the video and it was one that you had put together of them and I don't know if you remember I go look at these guys and they went in their pocket and they had a torch. Do you remember

that? That was two fucking years ago. They used to show up at the San Jose Improv with a fucking torch and banana bread and cookies and fucking bags of dope and it's just mind boggling. So they show up Tuesday and I go Lee when we drive down

it's fucking hysterical because Lee calls me. He did the Joshua podcast. He goes I'll pick you up after that. I told him right there's no picking me up. You're parking the car. I'm driving you because they're bringing a special boomy for you. Oh god. We went over the lower canyon and the storyteller's

show was great. It was packed. It was tons of people. My agent was there Darren Carter was there you know just a Greg from Chandra Keyes' office was that his name? I think so and Brent Ernest was there. Brent Ernest was there. I mean we laughed our asses off and then we went outside

and I told my wife we'll be home by 11. We got home like at 1.30 or something like that. It was fucking me. Well you gave me a fucking head of the gummy and you think okay so these guys are they make gummies and they have a couple people out here. You think maybe they have

a setup. These guys were walking around with a shopping bag that couldn't have been more full of gummies and they were handing it out like they were Santa Claus and they gave you I don't think you could even hold the amount that they gave you and fuck

and then after that they were like so you wanted to do a dab after that head. I went across the street and started doing dabs right in the fucking street and I did a dab I gotta be honest with you. It shut my fucking lungs down. Yeah. It just shut them down. It was like having asthma I couldn't fucking breathe.

Did you see me stand there? Yeah. They have a fucking heart attack. I was like I'm gonna fucking have a heart attack and I was like that's it I can't smoke this shit and I'll tell you what I'm going on two months Thursday without smoking a joint. Do you believe that? I was doing a bomb here. No physical refront

fucking Thursday just vapors and that one fucking dab. You believe that Lee? Well, dab is kind of like a vapor I think so isn't it? So do you think you're just gonna keep going and fucking? I'm gonna go till May 17th. I'm gonna do the 90 days because I'm doing that thing for Doug. Okay. And I'll see

then how I feel. I mean I'm having a great time eating edibles. Yeah. I've got it down to the edibles. I'm not eating edibles that are fucking really fattening. I'm not eating cookies. I'm not eating big banana bread no more. I'm not even eating the chocolate bars anymore. Yeah. I'm a teeny with that. Yeah. No.

I've been doing tiny you know the chiba chews of 35 calories that's a half a fucking point and weight watch is one point is equal to 60 yeah 60 calories is one point a chiba chew the Decker is 35 fucking points

yeah that don't do nothing that don't do dick to you. All those things that they make at 35 points you know they make diabetics stuff and they make shit which you're gonna have to kill you that's why people don't know we have you know ice cream with THC and that's great but I gotta eat that whole gallon of ice cream to get high. I don't have that fucking

type of time. Yeah. I just want to pop some and the other bars those chocolate bars are delicious. Yeah. But it's a fucking chocolate bar bro. I don't need a fucking chocolate bar. I don't I just don't need it. I work hard you know so that's it. So that's all I've been living on just vapors and

the animals. How fucking crazy is that guy. Oh never especially after the amount of weed that you had at my last place. How much weed was in that? Fucking. No I'm sad. You know guys and it's cute and we have a great time and we giggle but come on guys

fucking two joints during the podcast on a joint from 430 to 6 before I leave the house I'd smoke three pipe pools. I wasn't rolling joints at the house. I was smoking pipes. I would fill the pipe three fucking times. Jesus. I'm not smoking

some fucking sesquianna weed I'm smoking this shit that killed bunches pilot. Tip. And fucking you know then I'm rolling two joints and then I'm going home after the podcast and smoking another two joints. Then I'm smoking again in the afternoon then who don't I bump into and then at night it's a fucking

smoker down that room. It had to end. It had to end some way you know. Yeah. Oh fuck. Oh did you some guys tweeted me that they're bringing you homeless. Do they make you homeless? No Luke. Luke's that. No. No. No. I told him Luke you're throwing out don't fucking bring me no hummus

cock sucker. I love it. I don't know why they why I don't like that shit. I don't like it at all. I don't even want to around me. That's what I do. It's disgust of no. It would piss me off. It gets me angry. I wouldn't bring something around you if you don't like it. Don't bring it around. Yes you do. No. But you like that

stuff. You know like hummus How much hummus did you eat in the hummus in Vegas cock sucker? No. No you're a big shot. Fuck hummus. That's during the week all alone. In Vegas you're like fuck the Iranians. No hummus just tonight. No hummus. Fuck. What you mean?

He's a strong. Feels nice though. I'll eat another one too. No leave me alone. You only ate two. That's 10 milligrams. The whole bag is 20. I don't think so. The whole fucking bag is 20. It says everything. Look at it. The whole thing. We're gonna eat another one. What the fuck total product cherry can of

cube black dog THC 19.8590 Praise one right? No. For fucking I don't know. I'm already feeling it. There's no way to feel it. They're five. Get another one. Let's go. You got a red one. Let's eat a green one. Let's make it Christmas. Let's go. We got one.

I already had a red and a green one. So let's have another purple one. I'm alright. Want a purple one? No thank you. And I'll eat a red one. You can have a red one. Lee do it for Jerusalem. What was the last time you did something for Jerusalem? Never. Where's the fucking Jew flag that was supposed to be on the wall? I said

my house. What the fuck were you supposed to bring the Jew flag? We're moving out. I don't know the fuck. We're moving out because you don't have the Jew flag. If they would have saw the Jew flag, they wouldn't have fucked with you no more. If they would have saw the flag of Israel, everybody black people, everybody would be scared of the flag of

Israel. Let me give you some shout outs real quick. My main man Ryan Zick Timmy Holloway. I love you. Landon Bench. George Landry and my man Tommy Ray. Waterboxer Cleo. My main man Lorne

Rosenker. I love you guys from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for listening. I want to give a shout out to my people on it. As usual, I had to take two flights to Grand Rapids and two flights back. I brought the turnaround in the fucking 80's. Tremendous. When I get off the plane, tremendous.

It's got all the good stuff from on it. From alpha brain to minerals to vitamins to B12. So you don't get no fucking jet lag. I'm on those. Go to onit.com man. Listen, on it's there for anything that you're lacking. Whether it's your immune system with shroom tech

you want more oxygen when you work out with shroom tech sport. Something's wrong with your bones. They got the buffalo. Did Josh take the buffalo meat? Yeah. Okay, the buffalo protein strip. I mean on it has so much to offer. Alright, you don't have money. It's tax season. You don't want to buy nothing. You're broke. I get it.

Just go to onit.com. Go and see what they have available to you. They have an on it program that you can order stuff and it gets right to your door on the first every month. You save 10% a month plus the 10% if you use my fucking coupon on joeydeers.net. What's the code? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H.

That's the one if I'm right. So right there you have it. Let me talk to you about something else that's really important. And what am I talking about? Is Hulu Plus. If I sat here and told you that I sit home every night and watch Hulu Plus, I'm lying to you. But you know who does watch Hulu Plus?

My fucking wife, okay? And every time I come home she tells me about Hulu Plus has kids shows on there too. They have so much shit on there. I didn't know. I knew Modern Family was on there and The Daily Show and all that shit. But they got Nashville. They got fucking Lost. They got

Doctor Who. You know, you can watch this on your smartphone. She watches on Roku. I guess that's what she does. I don't know fucking Roku. Xbox Playstation. Pretty much any streaming fucking device, alright? It's $7.99 a month. If you go to the web page, they're gonna give you fucking

one week for free. Because you're hanging out with the church and all of us motherfuckers and you know the leader Jew BAM! You get two weeks for free and $7.99 a month. That's $96 a year to fucking watch anything you want to. And you can fucking binge watch TV. Brooklyn Nine

Nine is on there. There's so many fucking things. They have so many different goddamn genres. From New Girl to Once Upon a Time to Family Guy. I mean I go on for fucking ever. They got kid shows. They got reality Shark Tank. Mob wise

Action and Adventure. Marvel's Agents of Shield. They even got sports WWE Monday. I mean cut the shit motherfuckers. Thank you for reminding me. Shark Tank was on twice last week or I'm gonna go home and right after. That's right. Don't fuck around. Go to joeydeers.net

Go to the Hulu Plus and press Joey. Joey. Get two weeks for free. On the fucking arm. Binge everything. Nashville singing songs. Fucking Shark Tank reality. Then it's $7.99 a month after that. $96 a year. I ain't fucking around with you people. You know I don't have time

to people. I give you the best deal available. He's a busy man. How many times have you talked to Ari who's Jewish. But I always know where they get the best lunch specials. That's what I do. I'm trying to get you the best fucking deals. Again, you're a man. You're a woman. You gotta go to fucking some pharmacy every month or some outlet place

and stand on line and get razors. Your razors get rusty. Have you seen the fucking price of razors? Lately they're expensive. Stop it. Stop it. I got the answer right here at the church of what's happened now. The answer is Dollar Shave Club motherfuckers. The best out there. They got a program for you. $1 a month. $6 a month. $9

a month. What are you getting each package? I don't know. Go to dollarshaveclub.com and take a look. But let me tell you just a little bit. You get razors. You get one stationary razor and then they send you a box of blades every month. Some blades have two fucking things with the allo strip. That's the $9 package. But let me tell you something.

Take it from me. Take the $6 package. Get the $6 package. It's $72 a fucking year. Everything gets sent to the house. Oh, you want to order the One Wipe Charlie's and keep your asshole clean? You could do that too. You want to order the Cocoa Shave Butter for your face to smooth out the humps and the bumps?

You could do that too. I'm not asking you to do that. What I'm asking you to do is to take care of yourself for $6 a fucking month. You get the razor sent to your goddamn house. You don't got to go no way. You're going to sit in traffic. There they are. Bam. That's one less fucking thing in your month. Go to joeydeas.net go to dollarshaveclub. What's the code

brother? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. How easy is that? Get your fucking razors today, motherfucker. Stop fucking around with yourself. Also to my main people at escapepodtank.com making it happen. This is the third month they're working with us. And I'm working with them

and I love it. Because everybody emails me back since they called Jeremy. He gives me the information. He sends him brochures. He does whatever he has to do to break it down for you. That's one thing. Customer service is fucking key in my world. Number two, I'm going to save you two to three grand on each fucking tub whether it's a commercial tub or a residential

tub, whatever, however the fuck you want to float. Wherever you want those nuts to fucking float will make it happen for you. Go to escapepodtank.com call them up. Call Jeremy. Tell them I sent you. Say Jeremy, fucking answer the phone, cock-suck. I got questions for you and he'll answer the fucking phone for you. If you

mention me, he's going to give you an additional $250 or so. If it's a commercial tub or residential tub, you got it mailed out to you. They'll give you directions. Somebody have a contract in the area. They'll come and put the box together for you. But you're going to extra $250 off to buy a bag of dope. That's what escapepodtank does.

escapepodtank.com does for you, cock-suckers. All right. Stop wasting your money going to float somewhere. Just do it in your house. Go to the bank. Get along put a tank in your house. You can fart in it. You can whack off on it. The cum stays on the sides. Who gives a fuck? It's yours. Right or wrong? It's so easy. I could put it

together. That's right. Fuck yeah. Look at the shape of you. What am I going to do with you? You're not even fucking hired. Yes, I am. Look at the fucking shape of you. I have a very serious question. What's the question you want to ask me? Why don't hotels put plungers in the rooms? Because then I think you call downstairs

they come up. You charge them $5 but it's beautiful because they always want to punch your own shit. That's disgusting. They always send some fucking Jamaican dude with a real look on his face and he's like, let me the point. Oh no, I do it. You ain't going in there. I don't want you to see what's in my fucking shit. You ain't going in there.

We went to, it's a place called Tacos El Gordo. Apparently it's pretty big in San Diego and stuff and it was some of the night best tacos we've had. We went to the first night because our flight was at nine o'clock. Around four in the morning I woke up and I took a huge shit. You fucked that back up.

I fucked that back up. The toilet was tapping up. Yeah. And I flushed and I'm like, oh shit this isn't going down and I flushed again and I think there's a sensor in these fancy things so it doesn't overflow thank god. But I was nervous I was going to overflow. It was right there for the tip. Right there for the tip. So I took the trash can

and I filled it up. I was nervous thinking I could get it to go down. Thinking there was a plunger. No plunger. I walked down to the front desk. Hey can I have a plunger? Do we have to send an engineer up? I'm like, I just want a plunger. You must have a bucket. I thought they had a bucket

of them behind the front desk. No. And I'm like, I don't want a big guy coming in at four in the morning making a pile of up. So I waited outside in the hallway. Luckily he let me do it. So I plunged it. Give me a tip. No. You're supposed to give him five ten bucks. For what? To bring the plunger

up and not go down again. No. They should just give me a fucking plunger. Shhh. Well you fucking knowin' about scratching your head. You little you're supposed to give him a ten spot to not go in your room. I did. He didn't go in my room. I did it. I did it myself. No. Did you give him the plunger back? Yeah. Let me ask you something. He carried it in a bag.

Yeah. No. Like we think he's gonna walk around with shit falling from it. You're fucked. But I poured the trash can back into the toilet and I flushed it again. And I put the trash can in the bag too. I was like, we don't need this in our room. Disgusting. And then you don't give the poor guy a ten bucks. What do you think he's an engineer for?

He went to school for 18 years. He got all those tattoos. Just get the fuck out of here. Well you're supposed to tip him. He's no engineer. I was fucking with my pajamas. I'm gonna tip a guy for bringing a plunger out. You gotta give him a fin. Anybody who brings something to your room, you gotta give him a fin. Ugh. No. That's part

of the fucking business. What's the matter? Nothing's the matter. Who fuck? Why don't you have a plunger in a hotel room? Because what do you want? To have 200 fucking plungers? Yeah. It's part of the game. They don't want the shit to get out of control. What if there's something that's not. What if your shit had metal in it?

What? What? What if you ate like a bicycle? Okay. And you shit a bicycle in the fucking thing. And it's about to clog up the toilet. That's why they send the guy. He's no engineer. But they send them up there to flush it to make sure your bathroom's okay. You're supposed to give them a ten. Now, don't get

me wrong. I would never want somebody to smell the core of my shit. Because once you flush the toilet and that shit breaks in half. That's a complete different odor than you got for originally when it comes out. You get those gastric juices and shit. Yeah. When it breaks in half. Yeah. Yeah. When it breaks

in half. I'm highlighting me a little. When it breaks it. You eat one more out of it. When it breaks in half. Yeah. You're sitting there going, it's disgusting. I don't want nobody in there either. So, I give them a ten spot to keep in the hallway. Yeah. Every time I order coffee, like when I get coffee packet, you know, they only put two

packages in your room. That's why now I gotta travel with fucking sweetener. Because I gotta become a fucking shoplifter. A sweetener after. Every time I go to eat when I'm on the road, I look around. I gotta steal the fucking blue packages. Oh, because you don't do housekeeping. Yeah. They only put one blue package in your room with two fucking

pink packages for every cup of coffee. I only like three or four of those motherfuckers. So, every time I drink coffee, like I like to drink coffee in the morning when I wake up. One fucking cup when I wake up in the morning. Yeah. Right? Just one cup. I don't know how people drink coffee all day. And that night before I do comedy

or sometimes before I go to bed at night, I get a cup of coffee and smoke a joint, you know, smoke like a vapor. And I love that, right? Two or three jokes. I love all that shit. So, that's what I use coffee for. So, I would come in at night. They give you two packs. They give you one pack of decaf and one pack of regular

fucking coffee. I'm gonna be there for four days. When I go to the front desk, you can take out coffee behind the front desk. Do you think so? No. Oh. They make an engineer come up to your fucking room. Hey. So, I give him five dollars. For what? For to bring the coffee up. Oh. Wouldn't you?

I'm a nice tipper, but I draw them right. You gotta tip them. You gotta tip them. You want to represent the church. You gotta give him a fucking fin, a tense bottle of room. Oh, God. You know, you're out there. People see it. They know you're international. Know what? Know what? I did think of

those fucking poor people on the strip in the fucking costumes taking pictures. I felt so bad for this one guy. He's dressed, him and his buddy were Burton Ernie in the fucking worst-looking costumes I've ever seen. They must have sorted themselves. But he's like, picture, buddy. So, him

and his friend must have come from the south to make it big in Vegas. They were in homemade Burton Ernie costumes in the fucking 90 degree weather. I'm like, oh. Thank you. Do you think you got pride? Yeah. Are you gonna go back with me in Vegas to July 18th? Yeah, that's right. On my birthday.

Okay. When is your birthday? July 20th. And what are you gonna do? I'm taking it. I don't know. It's fucking April. What's the year you went to see? Lana Del Rey. Lana Del Reagan, cocksucker. No. I'm gonna go see Lana Del Rey. Actually, July 13th is our one-year anniversary. And what are you gonna do?

I don't know. What are you planning on? I don't know. Fucking, she has. She's Lana Del Reagan, cocksucker. No, she's working during the week this summer. So, I don't know. We'll do something on the weekend. So, you're not gonna go to South Point with me on the 18th? Me? No, I just said I wouldn't. Me, Rick Ramos and you. Okay. You're loose.

Bam. Okay. That's the night we're gonna check the front in your fucking mouth on stage at the at the dirty show. You know we'll find the chicken Vegas to fight your mouth for ten bucks. No hookers. No hookers. I'm gonna get a heavy-duty black chick. No, it was weird.

What was weird? You tell me. At the taco place, we saw like two hookers in their pimp. They're having an end of shift meeting. It was fucking weird. And it's also weird. And what were they saying? Did you peek? No, no, I didn't see what. Did you get her numbers on the podcast? No, fuck. But I

would love to. Like, she gave him all the money. He, like she paid for the tacos and gave him, he gave him each a couple bills. But then he took it. I was like, what must that feel like at the end of the night? What was he dressed like? He had a fucking funny shirt on too.

It was like, ain't nobody as fly as me or something with the word flying it. And it was just, it was hysterical. And the hookers in Vegas are hysterical too. Like, they'll just position themselves on the walkways. And like they'll, they'll be in this tight dresses.

And then also I learned from somebody if you see a girl like that alone in a bar, that's a hooker too. Because why are they alone at the bar? So every time we would walk by one, I just pointed out to Paula, look, there's another hooker. It's a, I don't know, it's crazy. She a hobby now. Look at you, you're

bad motherfucker. It's crazy to see that. Two years ago, you didn't know nothing, now you know hookers. Hookers. You're fucking ordering plungers to your room. You're shitting blood. Well, I don't even have plungers in the room. That's a stupid, I'm paying $100 a night to stay there. Have a fucking $10 plunger in the room. They don't.

Because that's the scam, the engineer in the 10 spot, your fucking 10 spot. They're gonna make money, they're union. They're fucking union. You know what, they don't have Uber and Lyft in Vegas. They don't have those, those things in Vegas. It must be the cab unions or something. They must be fucking huge there.

Did you try to Uber? I went on because when we were at the airport, I was just gonna see how much it was gonna be. Because they have those, those shared ride vans in Vegas where you can go up and down the strip. But those take 18 hours to get to your room. So we were just gonna take a cab. So I put Uber on and there's no,

the big thing pops up. No Uber or Lyft in Vegas. How far was, how long was the taxi line in Vegas this time? Ooh, at the airport. It wasn't that long but we actually, I've never taken the taxi. When you got there. Yeah. How bad was it? It was only one line. It didn't, but

we had to walk through all those. All that shit. It's a fucking nightmare. Like, what the fuck is this? Let me just walk to the front and get me a cab. No. I want to talk about something that we don't talk a lot about here. And I know you suffer from it. What's the matter, brother? I'm pretty fucking high. That's right. Who takes care of you

like me? Huh? Who takes care of you like your friends with Grand Rabbit? Huh? No one. You need one more? No, thank you, but this is crazy. This is tremendous. Let's eat one more. No, thank you. What the fuck? It's Monday. It's Monday, April 14th. Who's better than you? Huh?

You don't want to eat one more? No, thank you. Then we'll go for breakfast at Lulu's. Okay. You want to go get a nice steak? We'll get you a nice fucking steak with some fuck. I want a breakfast sandwich. Although it sounds good. What kind of breakfast sandwich? Bacon, egg, and cheese. Look, what kind of cheese? Tell me each other

so I can hit you. I don't know. What do they what do they put on the ones? I don't choose it. Whatever they put on the ones. Okay. He said Lulu's, but I don't care. I don't know. You said it. I'm high. I don't know. I don't know. Or Mimi's. I don't even know. Mimi's around the corner.

Okay. Mimi's is good. That's a fucking fries, but I wouldn't go. If I go there, I'm only allowed to eat one egg, wheat toast, and fucking fruit. That's what my diet calls for. One scrambled egg, wheat toast, and fruit. See, that's the biggest thing about the Edibles is the munchies after. I got no munchies.

You don't get munchies? No, you got to focus. Oh, my God. I got cantaloupe at the house. I got strawberries. I'm thinking about it already. I'm going to eat a whole cantaloupe. I'm going to kill that fucking... I'm going to kill that fucking cantaloupe. I'll eat the whole fucking thing on my wife.

My wife cut it up already because it's the babies. The baby eats it too. You're going to have your baby's cantaloupe. It's mine. It's my cantaloupe, but she cuts up small for the baby too. It's my fucking cantaloupe. It's my strawberries. There's bananas there for the baby and tangerines as a bunch of fruit.

The fucking cantaloupe is mine. My wife eats the bananas. There's raspberries. Yeah, there's raspberries with the yogurt and granola. That's for her. But the cantaloupe and the strawberries are Uncle Joe's. That's just the way the fucking thing goes. You see Mercy putting

her hand in the bowl and just looking. What the fuck? She eats all everything. She takes the yogurt and throws it in her face. When I get there, I'm really sure I have fucking yogurt on her ear. But uh, I tell you what's what's a lot of... Oh sorry, I forgot. No, I tell you what's a big problem that I didn't

I didn't know that a lot of people fucking suffer from insomnia. You have insomnia? Oh yeah. Last time I called you you were better than mine. Oh, I was just tired because it was an early flight. But yeah, it used to be a lot worse. It's terrible. A lot of people have that.

Oh yeah. I think it's a lot of people of my age have it. But you know what, the problem, there is insomnia but part of the problem for me too is the TV, the phone, the laptop. That stuff doesn't help. What do you do? I mean what kind of insomnia do you have?

It's been better recently. When I'm working a lot and I get tired during the day it's not as bad. It would be like the sad thing is during college, it's really not that hard to get your work done.

So you'll have a lot of time watching TV. I've been up to five, six in the morning for weeks in a row. It's just you can't fall asleep. It's terrible when it happens because you just can't fall asleep. It's amazing. My insomnia started well

my insomnia, if that's what you call it was family fucking inherited. Because of the bar business. My mother would come home at three and wake me up. So as I got older I didn't notice it then but I noticed it when I was 20.

I would go to bed at 10 o'clock at night and at fucking 2.30 I'd be up. Well that's not insomnia. Well did you go to bed or did you fall? I'd fall asleep but then wake up after four hours of sleep. When I think insomnia, insomnia is just you can't fall asleep. You can't fall asleep.

But I'd still wake up and now I can't fall asleep. So finally in 84 I put together maybe because I never thought of this. This is how dumb I was. In 84 one night I woke up and I'm like maybe if I smoke pot I'll fall back to sleep

because if I really think about my medical I really think about my marijuana use I enjoyed marijuana early on because it put me to sleep. Not because of the high because I knew that at the end of the night I would sleep a lot easier

but for a year I woke up at 2.30 and at 5 I'd fall back to sleep and I had to be ashamed. I had to be up at 6. And that's when I figured out that if I got high I would fall back to sleep and that's what I did. I would have a joint

I would just take two hits off and listen to music for 15 minutes and I'd fall asleep. I put the stereo right next to me with earphones it was amazing. And then as I got older it came in shifts but with me I have insomnia when I go on the road.

Oh yeah you do. Insomnia is sure I go back I really don't want to go to bed especially if I don't have to get up in the morning you know so I didn't understand it people always hit me up with emails you know

you never talk about insomnia I don't talk about insomnia because I don't have insomnia and the fact that I do have it but I tackled it early on and the other alternative insomnia is exercise is making yourself tired

that's the only other thing when I have insomnia if you go to the gym you're fucking tired even if you just ride the bike for 30 minutes it will help you sleep a lot better it really does but a lot of people always hit me up with insomnia I gotta be honest with you that's the reason why I smoke pot and they'll tell you that there's different

oh if I smoke a sleepy time tea and trip the fam what's in the turkeys that shit don't work forever if you go on sleeping pills they're the worst things fucking going I don't give a fuck whether they give you a milligram and a half

or 10 milligrams of those valium you know I tell you how the fuck it is those things are horrifically bad because they stack up they stack up in your system valium stacks up in your system so after a while you're a walking fucking zombie just waiting to fall asleep

so that's all but you have it yeah I mean I never had it that bad I had it pretty bad I tried not to do sleeping pills for a while you have to sometimes but they yeah I never got prescriptions but at first

they knock you out but then slowly like it doesn't work so you have to take more so I never let it get that far but fucking we and everyone knows not much of working out but you keep them busy that really does because

if you're not getting tired during the day at home in bed watching TV what are you going to be tired from no I have fucking I get it motherfuckers it's terrible the worst thing is is when you have to be up at 6 maybe if you work at 10s you have to leave at 9

it's falling asleep at 7.30 my table kills me my game is this I went home last night I got off the plane at 11 o'clock I got home by 12 I hung out with the family for a while the baby took a nap I took a nap I slept like 2 hours and that before I slept 3 hours I probably slept an hour and a half on the plane

I'm good for the day let me tell you what happened to me last night so at 9 o'clock last night my wife comes in and she goes I'm going to bed I go I was just headed out to get a cup of coffee I had a cup of coffee at 9 and even though I really wasn't tired I can't lie to you people tell you I was tired at 9 o'clock

I had the coffee and I rode a little while I did a bunch of shit that I had to do I had to get my week ready I looked at my gaming license for fucking Santa Fe they sent me a license because I'm doing that casino so doing Indian casino you have to have a special license

really? yeah so I was looking at that I was reading up some stuff on there and I went to bed at about 11 I looked at the clock it was 5 to 11 guys do you know what time I woke up today? one time 3.01

open my eyes sat in bed for 5 to 6 minutes looked at the clock it was 3.01 I said I'm going to stay in bed till 4.45 I stayed in bed like 20 minutes and I got up that's it just like that guess what?

let's pretend you called me last night I need your help at 7 in the morning will you be here? I'll tell you yeah when I have to get up I can't get up really? when I have to get up in the morning I can't fall asleep you follow me?

when I have to get up for those 4 am flights catch me at 8 o'clock I'm Johnny fucking energy my body tricks me they play with me and I would stay up in the old days I would stay up now I forced myself to fucking fall asleep because I have to you have to fuck

see you never could fucking you never know what the fuck is going on we were supposed to have a guest calling today we were supposed to have my main man Hector Lombard calling UFC fighter Walter Wade but I was kind of scared anyway because I don't know how good his English was and Lee was telling me to just talk to him in Spanish

and I hate that shit when people do it so I'm happy in a way that he didn't call him I love Hector but just in talking to him he didn't really want to talk about Cuba you know which is what the main conversation would be how he feels you know what made him go to Australia

instead of New York City things like that would made him go to you know what he's Cuban would made him leave and all that stuff but he didn't want to cover that stuff so everything happens for a reason but I want to tell you guys I got nothing this week the next week and the next couple weeks I'll be on the road

with Rogan Baltimore Orlando Santa Barbara so I really have nothing on my own the next time you'll see me and Lee it'll be Wednesday morning at 6am also April 30th we're at the Ice House for a live motherfucking podcast so make sure to get your tickets now also pre-sale for

t-shirts patches and the cups ends tomorrow we're pretty much out of patches we're pretty much out of fucking coffee mugs how's that for you people so I appreciate the support on everything you know listen I'm not doing this to rape you fucking guys

or to become a millionaire I'm doing this because you guys asked me for it I listened to what you guys told me the geese came, the geek patches came from when I go out to the jujitsu places they always tell me make a church fucking thing you guys want a t-shirt I put balls and a fucking pussy on it for you

and a crust who does that balls, a pussy and a fucking crust that's a t-shirt and I got the coffee mugs because we are the church you drink coffee in the morning or fucking back juice or stomach your fucking liquid or whatever the fuck is Lee look at the shape of you

on a Monday morning better not fucking fall asleep today cause I'll be fucking you up too tight I'll shoot a post office and you know what was good about coming home yesterday I never talk about anymore my cats I have recanted a little love with all my babies

again it's very weird when the baby was born at first I think sometimes when a child something new comes in the house it wasn't that I neglected them I just, cause I give them all the same love man, I love them all the same I really do, I have my favorites

but I love them all the same but the last three or four months I've been tight with them again really tight with them and you can see the difference having a good time you know they're scared of the fucking baby really? yeah they're scared of them

especially Demi, Demi just runs the fuck away from me but it's amazing how how I'm in love with them like this morning, I was a little late here this morning because I was with them I could see that they were really enjoying themselves I had Fidel up in the air, I had Ali up in the air I had super bad at my arms

and I could just see the difference on Monday morning before I leave the house looked to pick them all up and kiss them it really is a joy, someday we're going to get you a nice dog you're going to be very happy and I can tell you're really going to enjoy you know take a look at your little

your places around your town if you're lonely or you're feeling depressed or you're feeling maybe that you can't make it another day whatever the fuck your problem is maybe you just a fucking want a dog or a cat go to one of these shelters that they're going to kill them and bring something home

at this point in the game who gives a fuck give me all the joy in the world and when I'm home I'm happy to see my wife and I'm happy to see my daughter but I'm not home until I give those fucking cats a hug so do what you do spread the love or tell them to suck your dick it's the same thing it's a thin line

between love and motherfucking hate Jackson and that's it for today if you're Jewish I love you if you're fucking Muslim I love you I don't give a fuck today it's Monday April 14th sling dick like I told you when you walk in the room you fucking don't all right have a great day

stay black let's do this league put this motherfucking together baby and you go to leeside.com for I have some t-shirts and stickers too Lees got everything Lees got a lot man I was a thousand fucking things look at the shape of you how you going to act when you get there where

I don't know where loose loose me me look at the shape of you now that the show is over don't forget to sign up for a free trial of hulu plus hulu plus is to binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv

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