Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #168 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, June 1st.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by CBD Lion.…. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Onnit #CBDLion The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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If you're not happy with the product, keep it. They'll send you a payment back. Go to honet.com right now, pressing Joey, church or joint and get 10% off your first order. Let's get this party started. It's Wednesday morning, you savages. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here on June the 1st, the motherfucking renters do jack.

It went by that fucking fast, guys. That's how quick times are going. The summer's here. It's a fucking beautiful day to be alive, a beautiful fucking Wednesday. Yesterday and Monday in Jersey, if you didn't powder your fucking balls, you're on fire right now. You understand? You have to powder them, fucking powder them again, bring a fucking powder for your asshole. It was hot, Jack.

And it was a great weekend. It was a great Monday. Let me tell you something. First off, I want to apologize about the podcast Monday. It affected me last week with the kids and the shit and reading it. You know, guys, I tell my wife all the time, you know, I'm an orphan. I tell my wife all the time, the scariest day of my life was the day I realized I was alone in this world. It's the scariest fucking day of your life when your mom goes and your dad goes and your sister lives in Cuba

and you have an uncle around the corner. But at the end of the day, in reality, you're alone. The realization I got last week, which you never want to fucking realize. You never want to realize anything. Sometimes it's so scary. Like you rather sit there like a retort and not know. But last week, if you're an American, you got to come to the realization that our kids are never safe. Even when we're at work, even when we're at times of change that much.

When I was growing up as a kid, bro, your mom didn't have to come home for two weeks and you were taken care of because it takes a village to raise a child, you know, and but today moms have to work. You know, it's not the same world. Mom's got to work and break their fucking back and get home at six and then change and run to a fucking karate class or a softball game that don't even have a chance to think themselves. So it's a different world. You know, if you get off the school bus and I'm outside and you say to me, my mom's not home. Whatever I take you and I feed you.

You could watch TV here. You could jump in the pool. Whatever the fuck we have is yours. That's how I was raised. But a couple of years ago, a way before my daughter was born, a woman who I had no reason to even trust said something to me. And it was the smartest thing anybody ever said to me. She looked at me. It was like an epiphany like Marilyn Martinez when she told me God wanted me to stop snorting coke.

I was like, fuck, this is deep. This woman looked at me and she goes, when it comes to your child, don't trust anybody. Period. Don't trust anybody. Your mother, your father, I mean, she was like, don't trust anybody because they're not going to watch your kid. You're going to watch your kid. And I make sense with all that. I mean, I trust my in-laws.

I trust my, you know, I trust them. They have children. I see how they behave around their children. It's not like I'm going to leave my kid with fucking, you know, the Puerto Rican dude who was a fucking pervert in my neighborhood and Nelson, you know, I'm not going to leave my kid with Charlie, a sticky Charlie on 148th Street. I'm not going to seek him with the wooden mart and the pedophile. You know, I'm not going to leave my children with these people, but, you know, there's got to be, you know, we have pools and we have friends. And, you know, so that's what, that's why I was, I think that's why I was so down. It's not, yeah.

And I have a little bit of fucking empathy. I can't imagine what those parents are going through. I can't, I can't imagine that. So I'm very sorry, but just that's what the realization I was like Wednesday or Thursday. Fucking destroyed me. Like, you know, your kids, they're never safe. We thought we were safe with a school compliance officer. We saw it.

We thought that the cops would come. Our children will be first, but that's not the case no more America. So strap a fucking parent. It's every fucking man for himself. And it's a new fucking law out there. It's, it's a whole new way of the land. And we have to adjust or you're going to get fucking eaten up. And that's, so I suggest everybody in the words of my man, everybody's got to clean up their own backyards and take a look at what we really have back there.

And it took me for a fucking ride. But anyway, listen, I forgot. First of all, I forgot how much fun the city of Philly was. I forgot. And it took Jimmy foreign team to remind me. He said he took his kid, his 10 year old kid to the six of playoff came against the Miami heat. And he said that every time one of the heat players got announced at the beginning of the game, the whole stadium, not three guys, not a section, but the whole stadium and Philly said, fuck you. Now, I love Philadelphia guys.

Okay. I have always loved Philadelphia. My first time in Philadelphia was the eighth grade and we went to Betsy Ross's house and all this shit. When you're a kid, you're like, what the fuck is Betsy Ross? She's over there making a fucking flag and shit. It was just a joke. And then we went to fucking, yeah, then we went to the nutcracker suite and we teamed up with a fucking crab of school from Philadelphia. And it just so happened they had paper clips and we had paper clips.

Now, Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, they're not going to shoot them at you. We decided we're going to shoot them at the nutcracker suite while they're performing. And it was us and some Philly school just launching. That's all you heard the people, the performers were up on stage like swat and fucking paper clips. And they finally said, that's it. We can't take it no more. We got thrown out. And that was my first experience in fucking Philadelphia.

Okay. My second experience in Philadelphia is maybe a year later, not even my buddy Vinnie Lynch got arrested. So says he's got extra tickets for the Rolling Stones. Me, I'm a dumb kid, the Rolling Stones. I had the tongue. I knew what, you know, sticky thing. I knew what a sticky thing is at that time. I knew some girls, some girls was the popular album when I went to see that tour.

I knew, you know, sympathy for the devil. You know, you always say, boo boo. Yeah, you know, and I bought Get Ya Ya's out and I heard the album. I almost pulled my hairs out of my head because I never heard live music that sounded so bad. That was 40 years ago. I get in the car with this fucking Vinnie Lynch and he starts talking to me about a hit of acid. Listen, guys, I don't mind smoking dope and maybe drinking a bottle of Boone's from at the time. Okay, that's the level I was up to.

I was up to three. I was up to a joint between six guys and maybe a bottle of Boone's from and you're going to see Pukin, a loose and a jading, the whole fucking thing. Okay, that's who I was in the eighth grade. Guys, what do you want me to tell you? I'm sorry, my tolerance wasn't that high. Now that it's high, you motherfuckers want to torture me over it. And this motherfucker's talking about a hit of acid.

Now it's the Veterans Memorial. Memorial Day? No, Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Philadelphia. Was that the name of it? The Veterans Stadium. The Veterans Stadium. These motherfuckers got a hotel. You could see the stadium.

Like a nice hotel they got. This is 1978, guys. I still remember the streets having like little water gaps in them. So they had a little island in the middle. I go north, you come south. Two lanes that way, two lanes this way. But in the middle, they had grass parts. But in the grass parts, they had little things where dirty people would only conceive of jumping in there.

And guess what? People were jumping in there. I'm on a hit of acid. I've never done acid before. I'm in a car. I'm fucking 14 maybe. I maybe got a half a mustache and I got the drizzle around my dick hair. Like the bozo look like the middle hasn't fallen.

Like I couldn't show it to somebody. And we get to the fucking hotel room and the acid is fucking hit me. It's windowpane acid. I didn't open up with fucking acid three ways. If you wonder what's wrong with Uncle Joey, we just found the answer. There's no therapy session. When I was 14, I did old school windowpane acid. We went to the room.

I sat there like a, you know, a 13, 14 year old kid that I was not knowing what I was feeling. And all of a sudden they're like, hey, it's time to go down and see the bands. Who's the opening band? Somebody said, who's the opening band? They're like far enough. And I'm like cold as ice. And I never forget that I put like a blanket on like a hotel. It's fucking the end of June.

And I put like a hotel blanket on because cold as ice went into my mind. Like they hit a fucking acid like when you have, I don't know. I don't know guys. I don't know. And I'm like, I'm not leaving this room. And they're like Joey Coco. We came two hours to see the stones and you don't want to leave the room. I was a pussy.

I didn't know. I'm like, no, I don't want to leave the room. I'm seeing things. I feel cold. And they're like, talk, you got to get it fucking together. And I remember I went out there, the stone far and it was ending up a long, long way from home. That's what they were closing up with. You ever hear that song?

Great. Great album, the first album. And that was a little intermission, which didn't help my fucking cause. You know, it took me to the next level of fucking everything. And then I fucking, the stones came out. He came out wrapping an American flag with like a fucking fire truck or some shit on the end of the fire. You know, Mick Jagger type shit. And I fucking had to sit there and take that whole concert on acid, not knowing what happened.

I knew maybe two songs, beast of burden and shattered and fucking before they make me run or something like that. They did Keith sang and that was it. We went back to the room. I went home and the next morning I woke up, puke all over my chest because I took my shirt off. Obviously, when I got home and there was a big piece of how a bubble that was petrified right there on my chest. I didn't have any hair on my chest. Oh my God. That was my fucking second experience of Philadelphia.

So right there, I'm like, you know what? I think I'm going to give Philadelphia a fucking breather. Every time I go to Philadelphia, I get in trouble. I either do acid or I fucking, you know, get fucking whatever. So we're sitting here a couple of weeks ago and fucking Jimmy goes, listen, Memorial Day, I'm going to see the giants of playing Phillies. Let's go down. That's a four o'clock game. I was like, that's perfect because we're just going to sit around.

We're going to be everybody's going to have barbecues on Saturday and Sunday. We're going to be fucking one on people. I would love to go to fucking Philadelphia. But then I woke up Monday morning and it's fucking. I got in the car to go to the gym and it was already 88 degrees at fucking 930 in the morning. I'm like, I don't want to go no fucking softball game. I don't want to go no fucking baseball game. And then I went to the gym and I lightened up a little bit and I saw how excited my daughter was.

She goes, dad, are you bringing your glove? I'm like, why am I bringing my gloves? She's like, so we could fucking catch the balls, the foul balls. I'm like, Mercy, I'm not bringing my glove. You could bring your glove and bring your little hat and shit. So her excitement got me excited. Listen, and his negativity is what I talk to people about negativity and how negativity spreads. I went outside the house yesterday when I went to the gym.

I don't know when I came back and my neighbor goes, hey, how are you doing? You guys are going to the game. She goes, get ready to fucking die down there between the heat and the fucking savages. Something bad is going to happen. I'm like, I know I shouldn't go, you know, and then I fucking went to LeVote East to get Italian ice. And again, I saw some guy that he plays softball with my daughter and he's like, oh, it's going to be hot down there. I would rethink my plans. And I'm like, maybe he's right.

And then I'm like, you know what? I'm going to tell my wife I'm not going to go, you know, and I fucking came home and she's like, all right, we're getting ready to leave. It's 1245, one o'clock. And I'm like, I don't know if we should go. She's like, Joey, she's really excited. You know what? Let's go. I had a bad night.

I couldn't fall asleep fucking Sunday night. I don't know. It was the first bad night in like three weeks. So I got no problems. My percentages are high. I used to have two bad nights a week or a bad night every other week. Now it's pretty fucking calm. So I just, I just stayed up and I read.

I didn't want to watch TV. And I, when I got up, I only slept like four hours. I was a little tired. I was like, you know what? I just want to chill today, but nobody was going to do dick. You know, everybody was just going to sit around. So I said, fuck it. Let's go to Philadelphia.

So we followed Jimmy and his son and me and my wife and my daughter got out of the other car. We had sugar-free licorice, goldfish, fucking, the other fit. I hate goldfish, the fuck. I hate goldfish in real life and I hate goldfish, the candy, the fucking crackers. I really do. I don't know. I don't like those goldfish. I ate them as a kid.

How many fucking goldfish can you eat? Enough is enough. I ate an ocean already, a goldfish. You know what I'm saying? I've eaten an ocean of those motherfuckers. We went down there. We parked. Guys, you know I'm the first one I want to complain.

We parked. It was a 75-foot walk, which I, you know, it's hot. So what? It's hot. I know. Everybody knows it's fucking hot. Walk, keep your head down and, you know, wear a white shirt. Whatever.

And that's exactly what I did. I dressed him white. I wore my white little sneakers. But before I left, you guys know me, dog. I took 2,500 milligrams in edibles. I ate eight of them at 200 as an aperitif for the afternoon. And I listened to the new Soundgarden, the new Def Leppard. I'm on the way back.

I needed 3,000 edibles after I listened to that fucking nightmare of a fucking album. Oh my God, Def Leppard. Just keep singing fucking high and dry. Don't try without mutt laying. It was not good. Have you heard it? It's not good. I was listening to it as I was falling asleep to Philly, and I told my wife, take that off.

I can't do it no more. It's putting me to sleep. So I fucking, I took some out of the house. I had a rolled joint for the night before with some fucking powder in it. And I had a ton of shit in that joint. I said, yeah, I was going to kill somebody. And then I just took a handful of ABX edibles and put them in the bag. And I put them in my side pocket.

You know, I'm like, what am I going to do? What do you want from me? I'm going to go down there. Maybe I'll bump into somebody. Maybe I won't. So we get there, easy ride, easy walk. The gates open up at 230. We walk in because the kids could go to batting practice and they get balls thrown up to them.

Oh my God, she loved it. And I'm sitting there. My wife goes, do you want to go to batting? I go, yeah, we go over to the thing and nothing was open yet. No sausage and peppers, no hot dogs, no Italian ice, no nothing. We got there that early. So no, I wasn't high. I was, I had a great lunch.

I wasn't hungry. I was down there and watching and then it just got too hot. It was really hot at 230 out there in the sun. We were right. The sun was right fucking there. So I walked. Yeah, it was. Remember, I just told that Ralphie Mae fucking baseball story and here I am going to relive it again.

We're right in the same fucking area, guys, only. I think those tickets were third baseline. No, I don't know. This was the first base. So I'm sitting there and I go, Terry, I'm like, she goes, why don't you go up? And gets it because we were all alternating. Like, well, you know, it's not a bad idea. So I went up and sat in the shade.

People were starting to come in, you know, the vendors were walking towards their things. I'm looking at him like, fuck, this is cool. It was just great to see a stadium earlier. You know, it was great fucking it. And you know, there was two people walking here, four people here, two kids. It was still really early. And I just sat there gave Lee a call. I had a call like two of my friends had called me on the way down there.

And I'm sitting there minding my own business. And I said, and then that now it's starting to see, you know, we're starting to see five people. I started to see the vendors cooking. And at one point it smelled so fucking good and fully stadium guys. And I found out on the way out that it's it got voted like the best food at a stadium. Is that true? That French fries were crab meat. That shit that was out of this world.

When I walked over there, I'm like, oh my God, I didn't bring enough free food. Look at all this fucking food. They're not fucking around and filling. Oh my God. They have to the guy who shoots out maybe it doesn't guys. It didn't end. Now I had my composure. I'm sitting there and I love people watching.

And if there's any place you should people watch. It's the Philadelphia beautiful women, beautiful young women, all colors, all sizes. You know, I got to admit that the women and Philly, all colors, all sizes, all of them beautiful and very fucking nice. I'm like, you know what, there's going to be pretty good afternoon. I'm sat here for maybe 30, 40 minutes. The game's about to start at four. Nobody's recognized me. This is great.

I thought maybe somebody would say something to me. Hey, come on. Nobody. Nobody was very nice. And I spoke too fucking soon. And all of a sudden I'm sitting there and I see like a block of guys walk by. Like maybe like seven guys. And I envied them.

Guys, I really did envy them because that's what that was me. Memorial day, sneaking in, trying to get to the night level before putting enough money together to get a hot dog, a mad hat, a Yankee hat, a Philly. Where the fuck you at? You know, you can't replace that in your life. I can, you know, I call Leah one time and I go, we got to figure out how to make money going to baseball games. Like just going to baseball games, like from fucking Boston straight to San Francisco one time in your life. Like just all the stadiums, do a fucking thing about the foods, talk to the people. I think, you know, when you retire or something, that's a great fucking bucket list.

Like I have friends, I have my friend Ralph Fusso and his kid dog do a stadium tour since I can remember. 20 years and now the kids graduated college last week. Congratulations, Mr. Fusso. I mean, these people are dead and I'm like, and I never frowned on it. I never was like, that doesn't sound like, I just never had time. And I thought I'd never have time in a life to just take a summer off and go to fucking see baseball game. Jesus, that sounds great. Have you ever been to Baltimore Stadium?

Boog Power used to have those ribs outside. Jesus Christ, it's just America is fucking beautiful when it comes to baseball. So these eight kids walk by and all of a sudden, I don't think none of it. I'm just like, man, how lucky would it be to be 21 again? You know, you got to go fucking Uber delivery. You're like, I'm only doing two is enough to get money to go to the game and then we'll open to the game. You know what I'm saying? Like he's just that's life, guys.

That's what people don't want. Everybody wants a boat. Everybody wants to go down the show and be Kim Kardashian. You don't know what it's like to take any of your buddies. You know, you just got a high school. Nobody wants to work. My father wants me to go to work today. Fuck him.

You know, nobody wants to work the summer after high school. You just want to live on the federal land and the profits of crime. And you'll be fucked because that's all I wanted to do. I'm going on 40 years. This is like the best summer of my life. 1982. We refused to get jobs. Refuse everybody.

Parents were like, you need to get a job. Every time you call for your friend, his father was like, you and him need to get a fucking job. And you're like, yeah, all right, fuck him. I know. Fuck him. He's an old time. But for those guys, they would just like you could see like they would just plot and shit. Like let's chip in and get fries.

Like they probably bought a $10 bag of wheat, you know, and that's the shit we never remember. Everybody wants an eighth or a pound. Everybody wants to be Wiz Khalifa. These guys are just fucking having a great time. While I was at, while I was looking at them, one of them made a quick U-turn and he came over and this is exactly what he said to me. He goes, Mr. Diaz, I don't mean to bother you. I would love to do one of your edibles. Just like this.

And I looked at him like, oh, and I just looked at him for like, I don't know, 10 seconds. I'm like, nice to meet you. I gave him my hand. Joey, you don't have to call me Mr. Diaz. He goes, I don't want to take a picture. He goes, I walked past here with a bunch of guys a couple of minutes ago. He goes, I didn't even let them know it was you because I want you all for myself. That's just smiling.

He goes, but I don't want a picture. I just want to shake your hand and do an edible with you. I go, what's the strongest edible you've ever done? This kid looks at me and he goes, a 50. I go, well, listen, all I got is a 200 and he goes, done. I didn't even say 100 and he's like, done. I went in my pocket. I go, are you serious now?

This was, I don't know if you guys ever watched the old churches when I put edibles with weed and Lee would take a capsule out and be coated with THC because I put like, I'll take a baggie and I'll put 10 of them in there. I'm going out and then I'll put a joint or two in there. And while you're walking, the joint loosens up and it coats these things. They get really ugly. And when you eat it, it tastes just like reefer. So, oh my God, especially when you buy the, oh no, no, no, no, no. And let me tell you what the kid did. The kid was a trooper.

He did not pop it. He bit it and it went on his teeth. And I was like, oh, I've been around a long time guys. I'm a fucking dinosaur. You guys know, you guys been witnessing the edibles we've done. I've never seen somebody chew on those things. I will never buy, what is that, a piece of gum with the fucking flavor thing inside that is not the flavor you're looking for. I love ABX.

I love the strength of them. I love the flavor of the gel cap, but I don't think I will love the flavor of what's in there. This motherfucker bit into it and he looked at me and he goes, thank you, God bless you. And he took off and the rest of the game, I thought about this kid. Because I knew he was not prepared for this fucking edible. But you know what? It's Philly. So for all you motherfuckers that talk behind my back, Joey ain't strong edibles. Don't touch Joey's edibles.

I was in Philly and there's more. So then now I'm starting to have a good time. I'm like, kids are eating edibles. All right. So my wife shows up. We're going to take our seats. We take our fucking. We don't take our seats.

I'm waiting for them. So I'm waiting by this fucking, by the end of my row. By first base, you got to walk maybe 10 rows down and you're right there in the middle. But I didn't have my ticket. They were in somebody's phone. Everything's in your fucking phone now. So I had to wait. And when I was waiting there, I started talking to them.

I'm sitting there and I told my daughter on the way down there. Before we even got in the car, I go, attack Mercy. We're going to Philadelphia. I love Philadelphia. But they're savages. So whatever curse words you've heard before and all this shit, it's going to be tremendous. She's like, okay, dad. Now when we just get to Philly, we just get to Philly.

We just get out of the car. We just crossed the street. It's the sign where the players or the personnel. I'm not going to say players because people are going to go, Joe, you're lying. No, it's where the personnel goes in with their cars in and out. Because if it was players there, there would have been kids waiting with autographs. That's how I knew it wasn't. But right there by the Philly thing, right there where you walk in like Philadelphia Phillies,

there was a fucking thing and it's a stand on line and all this, you know, signs that tell you. But on one of the signs, somebody drew a big fucking dick with balls, with squirts coming out of it. And sure enough, I'm holding my daughter's hand and she goes, dad, look. And I go, Jesus fucking Christ. Before we even walked into the stadium, I'm like, that's it, my daughter just grew up today. She just grew up today. So I tell her about the curse words and shit. Now, when I see a mom with kids, I'm thinking I'm okay, right?

Like everybody thinks they're okay. What do I mean? Joy, what do you mean by okay? Well, that, you know, we're okay. Nothing's going to go bad. It's not like somebody's going to hit you. It's a mom with three kids. And all of a sudden, after about 10 minutes, the two daughters were beautiful.

The son was very nice and she was really attractive. She was cool. She had tats and shit. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't say a word. I'm in my business. I was just watching the players, you know, fix the field and trim and they doing the watering. It's fucking great, man.

I'm going to get a job there. I'd love to get a job at Philly State. I was talking to the guy that was in charge of my role was retired. He was just amazing. We had a great fucking time with him. So I'm sitting there with these ladies and all of a sudden I hear the mom, the mom go, what the fuck has taken her so long? Jesus fucking Christ.

That's the last time I'll take her bitch slow ass to a fucking game. And I'm like, I'm at Philly. This is it guys. And I'm not guys. Now I'm not, you know me. You know my language. You know the verb beats that I'm able to fucking throw out there. I was like, holy fuck.

And not even 10 seconds after that, another woman behind me was just laying expletives out in the air. These fucking things are too hot. Whatever. I'm like, wow. So now we all go down and sit down and guys, it is hell on earth. It's fucking hot. It's not as hot as the Ralphie May incident, but it was up there guys.

I was sweating profusely. So after the first inning, I can't take it no more. I go, I had four kids and Jimmy and me and their parents. And I just, without counting, I go, I'm going to get Italian ice for about it because we're going to melt. And I went and got cherry Italian ice and like lemons. I just got a mix of them and my wife goes, I hope you carry them. I had like four in this song, three in this song.

My wife had them. But look how I have the Italian ice. This guy got three in this song and three in this song. And it's 95 fucking degrees. So I go to pay and the guy, you know, you can't pay with cash. What a nightmare. Everything's a fucking card. So I tipped them, you know, 18%.

Do you know the kids came out from behind the counter and shook my hand. They were like, thank you, man. Nobody tips. I'm like, what? You know, we started hanging out. So all of a sudden you get to the thing and if the pitch is throwing, you can't walk down because the cameraman is there. This was great.

It was getting taped for TV. I mean, fucking great. Yeah, hold on. Well, the dude looks at me and goes, no, no, no, hold on. Let him go down. The ice cream is melting. I don't want the ice cream to melt all over you. I didn't know when I went to sit down, my daughter looks at me.

She goes, dad, you're disgusting. I go, why? She goes, look, I had a big red spot. I walked the rest of the day. Like I thought I got shot in the fucking heart at the Philly game. So now I'm sitting there and I'm eating the fucking Italian ice and I'm having a blast. I'm like, I'm not hot while I drink the Italian ice. This is good to know.

So I just keep eating Italian ice and I won't fucking sweat at that. But I started eating the Italian ice like it was, you know, it was fucking hot. And next, you know, I ran out of Italian ice and guys, you're not even going to believe what Joey did next. You couldn't even figure it out. I saw that the guy was saying frozen lemonade with tequila and without tequila and margaritas, frozen margaritas. Guys, the margaritas were fucking delicious. 16 ounces.

Guys, how long you know me? Have I ever told you alcohol is delicious? Wasn't I just telling you I was dying? It was so hot and it was frozen. I just told the guy, I'm not walking back to get another Italian ice. In the meantime, give me the fucking margarita right there. I'm like, hey, you can't walk on one leg. I go on my pocket and I fucking pop eight of them, whatever those 200 milligrams and they're starting to melt because it's so hot.

They're starting to get really gushy in my pocket. I'm like, fuck, I got to dispense these motherfuckers. So I'm sitting there, man. And I got to tell you guys, whatever I was thinking about, whatever insecurities I had the last couple of weeks, whatever was on my mind. The Rogan thing this weekend while I was sitting there sweating, looking at that field. Any problem I had, any insecurity I had just went away. It was like I was fucking floating. I wasn't high.

When it's 95 degrees and you're 280 pounds, you're not going to get high. You're not going to get drunk on a fucking margarita. Not one. You need 22 margaritas to get a big fat fuck like me done, especially with the tolerance. I drank that thing. I gave Mercy two sips because it had ice in the top. You know, once I drank the alcohol and ice on the top, there was no alcohol unless you did like that. This is good.

And I got to be honest. I forgot how therapeutic a baseball game was. There was $70 tickets, guys. I didn't go broke over. In fact, when Jimmy told me there was $70, I'm like, it feels like I'm going to have nosebleed tickets. No. The reason we went to Philly Stadium is because they were saying that Yankee Stadium is really expensive and it's really hard to get it out of. And Shea Stadium is kind of rough.

It's a two-hour hike, you know, so they just said, let's go to Philly and have a great time. And I got to tell you, one of my main concerns in life is that, you know, look at the plane tickets nowadays. That's great. You could afford $1100 to LA. What if you had a family of four and you already got Disney tickets? That's $4000 in plane tickets. You know, you know, these Nick tickets are $220, you know, LA Laker tickets. The cheapest ticket is fucking $240 under the air conditioner.

And you could check it right now. I'm not lying to you. And that was $240 pre-COVID. That's the cheapest ticket in the Staples Center. And you'll see it. It's like those see it. You're like, oh my God, $180. And you're like, oh, it's right next to the air conditioner.

So I really, you know, a mid-level family, you know, a family of four can enjoy a baseball game. I mean, it's $5 waters. I've seen him for eight. I've seen him for eight. I've seen him for 10. They could yank you more. The Sausage and Peppers were $10. You know, if I want Sausage and Peppers, I got to drive down the shore anyway.

And that's $5 a gallon, right? So, you know, everything was pretty. Everything was, you know, the market reader was a 20 spot beers and a can were $11. I don't drink beer. I don't think you're 10 year old kids drinking beer either. So it made me gave me a little hope that a family of four, if I did $71 or $70 for those tickets for 25, I could sit in the middle. They'll upgrade you, you know, you could go online and really that's $100 for family of four. Even if they want a baseball at 25 bucks or whatever.

You know what? Considering what's going on in the world, that's not a bad entertainment. And listen, it's not just entertainment on the field. It's the entertainment in the stadium that counts. So after I pop those fucking eight edibles, I'm sitting there and I'm like, this, every problem in my world has gone away. I have nothing to worry about. This is the best I felt in fucking 10 years. I looked up.

I saw those fucking American flags when they did the fucking star stand band go banner in the beginning. All that just and we were there on fucking Memorial Day. I wasn't even thinking about it that way. I would just wanted something to do with my family and it was fucking superb. Now, I know a lot of you people want, you know, not the best for your family. You want your kids to hear the right things. Listen to me. If you want your family to hear the right things to grow up like normal kids, go to Philly Stadium.

Okay. They are who I am. They've all, you know, listen, man, I always love comedy because of the travel like to these small cities. All you motherfuckers that want to make people like me and all my friends, the people I jig with fucking feel bad because we didn't go international travel. Fuck you. I've seen things in this country. You'll never fucking dream of and it makes me proud to be a fucking American and I've seen them everywhere in San Francisco, Louisville, Kentucky, fucking Buffalo, New York, Philadelphia. You know, I've seen things that Texas, you know, Tempe, Arizona, I've seen things that have made me go whatever I felt about this city.

I feel a lot better about it. Like when I go to Chicago, if you think I'm going to come when I go to, yeah, when I go to Chicago, if you think I'm like most people, oh my God, the architecture. No, I'm going to see the people. I'm going to eat a fucking hot dog on a Chicago dog with pickles in it. And I want to see that guy spit the food out while he's talking to me and just be himself. You want to go to the city and see the fucking inner makings of the city. That's what I live for. You know, in the hot club and where I need to go eat, that's bullshit.

Because all these cities that have heart, Cleveland, Baltimore, Buffalo, these little fucking cities have one thing that you go like when you go to Cleveland, you go to that pastrami place and they're great in there. That's what they do. You know, that's what they do. When you go to Philly, first of all, it's not a woke state. So if you're a woke, if you want to be referred to as him, his or her, if you want to be referred to all those things in the woke world, it's not going to happen at Philly Stadium. And if you want your kids to live in a woke world, it's not going to start at Philly Stadium because the shit that comes out of those people's mouths, I can't even remember all of it. I can't, guys, I cannot even remember how hard, I haven't laughed that hard. You guys look, oh my God, you must have laughed so much at the comedy store.

Listen, you're going to laugh twice as hard at a fucking Philadelphia. Eagle Sixer, forget about a flyer game. I have not been to a flyer game since 1983, right? So I've not even been to a, I've not been to a Sixer fan game since 1983. You know, I have not been to an Eagles football game. I went to see the Eagles against the Jets in 93 with Randall Cunningham at the Meadowlands. And, you know, I never, I don't remember when the last time I went to see a fucking baseball game. You know, I thought that I kept calling the JFK Stadium where the where the fucking where the where the Phillies played, but it was, you know, because I thought it was JFK.

Say, it was really vet veterans Memorial Coliseum. That's where I went to see them play. I went to see the stones long time ago. The spectrum was where I went to see like fucking, you know, Sabbath and the Sixers and all that shit. But anyway, so I take a picture because it was so beautiful. And I know Mike saw it because Mike clicked on it. It was just a beautiful picture. The scoreboard, you know, planes were flying over.

I'm just like, I wish people understand that it was, it's just a beautiful day to be alive in Philadelphia. Whether I got 95 pounds of sweat on me, a red heart, you know, fucking sticky feet from the fucking floors. Well, the stadium was immaculate. Guys, immaculate. You could eat off the fucking floors. People were very fucking nice. I must have taken 50 fucking pictures sitting there. People didn't make me get up.

They were like, Uncle Joe, we don't want to bother you. Come on and they would just hug me and take a picture of me. It was fucking surreal. It was surreal. But then these two guys came over and they're like, Uncle Joey, we were sitting in the section, whatever we saw you were here. We don't want to bother you. We just want to say hello. Man, say hello, Baba.

Then they sat right there. And I'm like, oh, this is going to be crazy. They were gentlemen. They were Philadelphia gentlemen. They were yelling, fuck you. You know, they were doing the whole thing. My daughter's laughing and Luke is laughing and the whole thing is fucking laughing. We're all fucking loving life.

We're having a great time. And, you know, man, I'm starting to get high on these edibles. The margarine I didn't feel. I'm not going to lie to your people. It came and went. But the edibles were making me feel warm, you know? And all of a sudden I saw a dude, an African American dude, coolest fuck selling beer. Beer here, beer here.

And the two guys like, we'll take beers, give Uncle Joey a beer. And I'm like, no, you know, I can't have that. And he's like, brother, that cold, you're going to love it. This is where Philly love. The guy was talking to me like that, man. We give our beers with Philly love. I'm like, what? I'm like, I can't have a beer.

I like these kids. And I have such a great time. And one guy is like a mailman. Like, they're just kids that work. And they go to games and all this shit. And I looked at them and I go, hey, this is how I test these motherfuckers. Hey, hey, you guys want Uncle Joey edible? What do you think they're responsible?

Do you think they go, how strong is it? Oh my God, we heard about your edibles. They were like, fuck, yeah. Are these the ones you gave Lee? And I'm like, yeah, they're 200 milligrams. They're like, bring them on. Now it's the third inning. They pop them.

They're happy. I'm happy. I make a video with them. They're like, ah, we're fucking jumping up and down, yelling. And listen, I didn't even know what the fucking score was. Did I talk about the score? That's how fucking entertaining this was. I was just sitting there watching the baseball game,

not listening to the announcers. It was like fight companion. Philadelphia style, fight companion, with two fucking young kids who were nuts and they're yelling at the picture. And then I didn't know that the ex manager of Philadelphia is now the head manager of fucking the San Francisco Giants every time he came out.

I don't have to tell you the things that were yell, boo, fuck you, your mother, go back to here. One time there was two bad calls, that poor umpire, he's in therapy today. I'm telling you right now, I'm saying things that there's in therapy now, but my two little brothers over here were yelling and screaming, having a great time.

But then they turned into my brother George when he was driving me to Newark for the UFC about eight years ago. It's the car started slowing down a little bit. My brother George got a heavy foot. You know, he's doing nine, he talking about Pepe the chef and all of a sudden, I'm like, what's going on with George? He's doing 50.

Awesome, I see this motherfucker getting into the right lane and he's slowing it down a bit. All of a sudden we were doing like ten around that thing and he was doing ten on the streets of Newark and I go, George, are you okay? And he's like, not really. That fucking edible hit me. I went out to get the tickets from World Call from Ari.

He fucking left me that. He got so high and so panic, he just took off from there. That's what these edibles do to you. Not these two guys. They were sitting there yelling, screaming. It was guys. It was like, I'll be calling the Philly fucking state. When I got home, do you know how many fucking tweets

I had from Philly yesterday? Do you know how many fucking Instagram people are like, hey man, you come down here again. You hit us up. Some guy hit me. One of my Patreon guys works for the fucking Phillies and he's like, Joey, you went to the game and you didn't fucking.

There was one guy that went off on me. He was like, I think the world of you. I went to see you at parks. How dare you come to Philly unannounced? How dare I come? But you knew I was coming. I told you I was going to a game. No, no, I got to take the girls over to the softball team.

They got to walk the field and run the bases of the Yankees. We all chipped in because the girls, they're playing in the Christmas, they're doing like a summer tournament. So like the following week, they inquired about going to Yankee Stadium and the girls running around the bases. It's an afternoon game.

It's just something nice. I do want to go to Yankee Stadium. I love the Yankees. I want to support the Mets. I definitely want to go to Baltimore. So I'm going to call my man, Florentine. He's a Baltimore Oriole fan and go down there. I miss that stadium.

I haven't been in that stadium since the 90s and I used to do comedy in Baltimore. And the guy would give me tickets and I would have $5 in my pocket and I would walk around and smell booze, Powell's Ribs or whatever the fuck. He cooks over there and I wish I had a dollar so I could get something to fuck and eat.

And you know, by the end of the night, I was talking to the Usher's. I talked to the old guy. He was fucking phenomenal. After talking to him, I told him, I need to retire man, Javier. Like this is great. I was looking at him and I'm like,

what the hell is that man? He was a mailman for whatever. And then he goes, I retired after a year. My kids told me I couldn't sit at home no more. And I was looking at him and I'm like, yeah, it's Memorial Day. This guy's working from four to maybe nine. Really?

Yeah. Fuck, I would love to be one of those old dudes. That's okay. I was standing yesterday. That was great. Listen, I did a lot better than I anticipated yesterday. I really did. I was...

But it's really weird how negativity works. How people try to talk you into... You know, they'll paint the picture that is so horrible for you that you don't want to do anything. But I'm happy I went. I really want to thank the people who run that stadium and the Phillies.

I mean, what the guy was like, how dare you come down here unannounced. They could have helped you out. I don't want any help. I don't want special boot. I just want my kid to grow there. You know what I'm saying? What good is going to a baseball game

if you're gonna fucking be an elitist? What good is it if I'm sitting here at my daughter in a box with glass and she's not sweating? You go to a baseball game to sweat. You go to a baseball game to yell. You go to a... I hear the Yankee stadiums a little...

They're a little fucking woke, you know, for a New York stadium because you get all those New York people in there and they're a little woke. So, you know, I just... I grew up at Shea Stadium, guys. Yesterday, I relived fucking memories that I didn't even know I had anymore.

How many games I went to Shea Stadium with my mother and she drank and smoked pot and I'd be embarrassed and I'd disappear and I'd go buy a Met's hat and it was... It's just a really great experience, guys. I don't know what your financial situation is. I'm not here.

But if you get a chance, you know, again, it doesn't have to be the best tickets in the world. It could be shitty tickets to your kids. They're gonna fucking love it. I thought my daughter wasn't gonna love it. Holy fuck!

She was serious about it and they kept it in foul balls like 10 rows before us. I gotta be honest here. She was hot like dad. They got in the pitches, we throw the ball in there. It was all 10 rows before us in both directions

and she wouldn't have a chance to fucking put the glove on and stuff. So, guys, I was I was just blown the fuck away. Like I said, whatever I was feeling from the week disappeared at a fucking baseball game.

It's surreal. I took my uncle to see the Giants every year, twice a year. I took him to Dodge Stadium and we watched all nine innings and yesterday it went into 10 innings. And, guys, it was like

nothing. I was having such a good time around me that inside of me I didn't feel the heat. It really didn't matter. My balls were sweaty. I came home to the shower and it was all fucking forgotten. And now I'm excited as fuck for this weekend, guys.

I haven't been I'm excited to see Joe. I'm excited to get on stage. If I'm on a bomb, I'm gonna bomb. I don't give a fuck, you know. I'm only gonna do the best I can. I've written a couple jokes. I got a

story or two and that's the best I could do, you know. And then I got two or three weeks to prepare for Burt's Tour and then we see what's left over in the summer. I'm really fortunate that I got a chance to

go down there and open up for Joe, you know. They called me from the Chappelle camp. Really nice guys. The guys from Live Nation that I'm friends with. I told my Jimmy's brother, Danny we went out to lunch Friday and he goes

when will you know about Atlanta City? I go, well it's one o'clock. Dave Chappelle goes up at seven and I haven't heard anything yet. I go, if I hear anything, it'll be tomorrow at three o'clock. I go, that's how those things usually are. Sure enough.

When do you think my buddy from Live Nation called me? 251 on Saturday. And he goes, hey, what are you doing? I go, nothing. He goes, if you like Dave would like to have you come down and do the show. I go, do the show. I go, I just wanted to come down and say hello.

I don't want to. That was last fucking Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So last Saturday, like I said, they called already. My wife was going to a party. An 80's party or something. I mean, they already had plans.

You know, Mike said, if you need a ride, I thought about calling you, but I thought that your wife was working Saturday. So I was like I had like three hours. George was going to get, not get here until five and with George, it could be

five 30 quarters, six. So the show started at seven. So I didn't want to fucking be late. So I just passed on Saturday and my friend Danny said that he went by there and he goes to show and start to because he went by like a seven 30. He said there was

500 people outside trying to put their phones and bags and stuff. So they were running late. So I kicked myself in the ass then and then Sunday I had some shit to do. The pool was opening. I had plans. Joe Florentine had a party, which we didn't make that. We ended up just going to the

softball thing and staying there. And then they hit me up again Sunday with a text and said you're more than welcome to come tonight. But again, I was already buried in my family and events and what the fuck were we doing? So

we had a pass. I heard the shows were great. Dave's always a fucking savage. Nelly was down there next door performing. So somebody had sent me an email that Nelly said hello. So, you know, I blew it, but I'm really excited about this weekend. It's the MGM Grand

if you haven't gotten your tickets yet. It's myself, Tony Hinchcliffe and Uncle Joe. I don't know. It's so one show a night. Saturday one show Friday eight o'clock be there be square. The tickets are a little pricey. I get

it. But it'll be a good time. It's also the food and beverage festival down at Atlantic City beer, beer, beer festival. So that'll be a nice getaway for you guys. Because that's Saturday and Sunday.

So if you come down Saturday, if you get a cheap room, we'll be there. The new batch of fucking rainbow ruches out and I'm giving Mike the new batch of white truffle is out. White truffle I don't even know what percentage it is

but it's fucking up there and white truffles up there and I know for a fact the new rainbow ruts is like 37% 34% 34% on the new white truffle. So you know we ain't fucking around over at the ice cream shop

over at Zeke with the laughing gas label. Everything is beautiful guys. Happy Memorial Day weekend. I know some of you is taking the whole week off because you got it like that. Suckers like us still gotta fucking grind it out. And that's it and that's that.

I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. We'll get back to guests next week and what we're gonna fucking do for the summer. And that's it. It's onward and fucking forward cocktuckers. It's June 1st to rent this dude. That's it. Now for a word

for my motherfucking sponsors Jack. Have a great week. Alright, I want to thank you guys. Have a great podcast. Today I had a great time telling your story. Philadelphia fucking the best where the brothers aren't held down either. That's another great thing about that. Brothers are slinging

dick with three hands in Philadelphia and everybody loves them. The joint is brought to you by Honored. Listen, when it comes to your health we're here for you. Honored. I've been working with them for close to 11 years. Rogan turned me on for them. The alpha brain, the shroom tech sport

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enjoy the weekend and I'll see you motherfuckers Friday and Saturday Atlantic City or Monday morning back here on the joint have a great day Uncle Joey loves you you