Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #169 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, June 6th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid IV & DraftKings.…. Prince “Whole Lotta Love” https://youtu.be/sMVFYGYr76A Liquid IV Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $150 in free bets when you spend $5 on UFC 275… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #DraftKings #LiquidIV The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Use code Joey and let's get paid Saturday night. Let's get this fucking party started. Hey, how you doing? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the game. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. Come on in. What's happened you bad motherfuckers?

Welcome to the joint. It's Monday, June the fucking sixth. Holy fuck. I want to thank everybody who came out to the shows in Atlantic City this weekend and I saw you motherfuckers walking around and whatnot. I've got to be honest with you. I've been doing comedy for a long fucking time and this was just insane. It was insane.

It really was the amount of people, the amount of love, you know, people were really happy. You know, thank God there was no incidents or anything like that. I mean, you know, across the fucking way they shot six people in Philly last night or something. I mean, you know, the shit don't stop. But anyway, when I hear the fucking talk about that, you know, I have not been around more than 2000 people since the pandemic. I went to the Sopranos premiere at the beacon, which was 2,200 people, something like that. You know, that's the most I've been involved with.

That place supposedly sat 5,04800. I got to be honest with you guys. It felt like fucking 20,000 people. I mean, there were people everywhere. I was going to go down Thursday night and do a warm-up at the Tropicana because my friend Eleanor was there carrying. She'd been on the podcast and whatnot. She told me to go down there for a workout, but the fucking skies were turning black on Thursday. So I ended up going to Uncle Vinny's and just doing a little fucking 15-minute spot, a little warm-up.

There was maybe 20 people in the room, but it was fucking superb. Sometimes when you want to work out a little crowd, like that's why Eleanor was making me go down to fucking AC, because she goes, these are just people who come in, you know, they don't want to, they don't even know the comics. They're probably waiting for the bus back up north. They probably lost all that money, you know, because when you can take a bus from anywhere to Atlantic City, they have packages for you. I don't know what it is out of Philly. In North Jersey, it used to be when I was a kid, it was 15 bucks.

But when you got to Atlantic City, they gave you $10,000 in quarters, and they gave you coupons for restaurants, cigarettes, you know, all that shit, and they give you a coupon for a comedy club. So when you lose all your money, because when you go to Atlantic City, they want you there for a while. I don't know, Vegas will take you, but when you're broke, they're like, get the fuck out. Atlantic City, they'll have you hang out for a few hours, just to see if you could think of a cousin or something. You could borrow the last 200 from our Western Union. I swear to God, about 20 years ago, I went to Atlantic City with my dear friend, Jimmy Burkle.

I used to meet him on Tuesdays and come to Point Pleasant. It had to be, I don't even fucking know. I was doing comedy, and I went to Atlantic City with him to eat. He told me there was a place that had all you could eat crab legs, and that they were really good, that you wouldn't shit blood. So I said, let's go down there. We went down there, and while I was sitting there, somebody said to me, Joey, do you want to do a set? Now, at this time, the guy came up to me, he goes, aren't you a comic?

And I go, yeah, you know, it was like a feature act. I go, yeah. And he goes, at the comedy store, right? And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, I saw you one night. Do you have 20 minutes? I go, yeah. He goes, can you come over to the trumpet canner and do a 15-minute set short on comics?

And I said, yeah. When I walked in there, that's when I remembered that these people aren't performing for. Like, no, I'm lying to you people. When I got on stage and I started bombing with material that, you know, I had been on the road. At that time, I was on the road every fucking day, you know? So this material that was killing, it was 20 good minutes from the store. I brought it in front of these people, Doug. It was like doing comedy in front of deaf people.

They were just fucking depressed, looking at the floor. I saw a lot of people looking at their cards and shit. And I'm like, ah, remember that coupon that they gave the people away for the bus? These are those people because what happens is they give you, let's tell you, take the nine o'clock a.m. bus to Atlantic City. They're not bringing you back to seven. They don't care what you say. You could be dying of a heart attack.

They ain't bringing you back. You fucking came at nine. You agreed to seven and that's it. You can't get on an early bus back. So every hour that you came, like at nine o'clock, people have to live at a certain time. 10 o'clock, people have to leave at a certain time. 12, you know, it just goes on and on. They goes later.

So these people got to sit around for that fucking, but how long does it take you to lose money? Listen, it takes me eight seconds to lose 20 bucks in a fucking one-armed machine. How do I know? Because I just lost it Saturday morning. I went for a walk in the casino and I threw a 20 and it takes me eight seconds to lose. I'm exaggerating. It takes me eight minutes to lose $20. You know, you win a couple fucking ding, ding, ding.

You know, you get the two fucking cousins, whatever you win a little bit. But then at the end, you just, you get bored and you just go either hit me with a jackpot or take my fucking money. That's what they do. It's like back and forth. I'm up 100 credits. I'm down 60 credits. I'm back up to 200 credits. And finally you just go, fuck this shit.

I'm just going to lose. I lose. You know, you just, that's what you're there for. You know, they got to pay me to perform. I might as well throw a 20 or 40 or lose. I'm not going to fucking, if there's a sports betting and I could spend the night. I wouldn't fucking mind, but I wasn't going to spend the night. So I said, fuck it.

I got draft kings. Why would I fucking use them? They're writing my fucking phone. So that's what Atlantic City was about. That's the last time I went to Atlantic City. And then before that I'd been to a Borgata a couple of times. I did the Borgata on my own a couple of times, but again, when you sign into the Borgata, they tell you don't leave the fucking building.

So it's like your sightseeing all over Atlantic City. You know what I'm saying? Saturday morning when I woke up, I had a window that was facing the boardwalk in the ocean. I'm like, this is fucking beautiful. My wife was, I called my wife when I woke up before I ate breakfast. She's like, it's fucking hot out. Like I'm going out there. I went for a walk, bro.

And it just wasn't right. Like the sand felt kind of cheap. Like everything. Yeah, it was like a storm shit. It just didn't feel right. The ocean smelled great. I didn't really walk all the way out in the beach because a lot of people saying hello and shit. I mean, everybody was walking around.

It seemed like everybody was walking around was going to that show. All shapes and colors, all sizes, you know, it was just crazy. You know, there was some Chinese people waving at me like, we're going to the show. And I'm like, holy fuck, you know, but they were really like Asian. You know, when you see like eight white guys and an Asian guy, but when you see eight fucking Asians, they're like, ah, I was like, holy shit. Every restaurant we went into, there were, you know, people that were going to the show that said hello. The two guys from fucking Philly showed up.

My brothers, we could not connect. That's why I went down to walk around. That's why I played the slot machines. I was trying to meet those two fucking savages. I don't know where anything is. So they said, meet by the front desk. There's 22 fucking front desk. So I went down and I walked around.

I sat in the slot machine. I fucking played a couple of one arms and then I just said, what am I going to do? I went up there. I couldn't fucking sleep Friday night. So I stayed up to like five, just listening to music with the earbuds. I was, it's tremendous. No high, no nothing. I had to drink a fucking shot of Nyquil to finally fucking fall asleep.

And then a Friday night show, guys, you ever walk into something and you're not sure. You ever walk into like a new job and you're really not sure and deep down inside your loss, but you're trying really hard to keep it together. That was me Friday from the minute I got in the car and I drove down there. You know, I had a bunch of people say, can I come down with you? I said, I want to drive by myself just to clear my head. It was an hour and a half drive. I wanted to think of jokes.

You know, I was wanting to listen to fucking great music was on. You know, when you go for a nice car ride, that's all I pray for. I don't get a flat. And then I got great music on the fucking ride. I had my vapor pen. I got nice and fucking lit, you know. But the whole weekend, like as soon as I walked in there Friday, I brought a bag of edibles for the guys from Philly.

I brought a bag of edibles to give away. I think I gave away 20 edibles. You know, a couple of show, you know what I'm saying? Just a couple. I gave away a ton of laughing gas down there. So if people can't get one of those little, uh, we gave away, I say guys, and they all say, you know, sample one gram, whatever. But we gave away tons of white truffle, tons of rainbow ruts, tons of sashimi.

They gave away my hat. Listen, my hat's off to the laughing gas people this week. They really, it was just a great week for fucking laughing gas. And, you know, I'm trying really hard to get laughing gas in New Jersey at all these fucking dispensaries. The suite is fucking great, guys. And I'm really proud of what they did with it. And it gets you fucking stoned, you know, two, three bong hits.

You're rocking and rolling. And then it's like a sleeper weed sometimes. Sometimes you do it. You don't really, like the other night when I told you guys I smoked with Tommy, I rolled a tremendous joint of rainbow ruts. And me and Tommy smoked, I gotta be honest. I got in the car and I'm like, nothing happened. And all of a sudden I got to the restaurant.

I'm like, whoa, something did happen. I told that way to bring that lobster bis double quick jack. Seriously, but I got cottonmouth and shit. So it's one of those weeds. It creeps up on you. You know, I gave something to my boy John Rollo from Submit. I forget the name of his gym down in Baltimore. And he hit me back the next day and he goes, man, I smoked two joints.

I'm fucking gone. Like he goes, I smoked a joint before breakfast. And then me and my brother smoked a number. He goes, but I really like it. I like how it tastes. Guys, I don't know much about reefer. What goes in it? I can lie to your terpenes.

I got the, I don't know anything. These guys are geniuses. My man Scott, my man Joe Pepps, they're fucking geniuses. And my hearts and my hats go off to them for coming down. I mean, we were, there was a metal detector and we were right by the metal detector, just giving out gram samples. And I, when I woke up, I went down with maybe 10 gram samples. I came out right after thinking them.

One of the hotel guys came up to me and he goes, man, I would love to smoke that, but you can't give it to me on camera. But if you threw it in the garbage, I said, done. I go, go over by the other security guard. I'll walk over there, throw it in the garbage. You come get it after I go upstairs when the camera ain't on, you know, boom. And that's exactly what I did.

We gave a lot away, man. And I'm really proud of these guys. I'm proud to be a part with them. We've gotten everything worked out and now we're going straight fucking ahead. So that was great. That was great, but I didn't do any edibles. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to see, first of all, I'm not gonna lie to you.

I was scared of anxiety. It had been my first big, big shot out. And I thought I was going to crumble, but guys, I walked in there. I kept it together. We went into the green room. My heart started beating a little bit the first night. I'm not going to lie to you. But then I remembered that if you don't, if you're not scared, then don't,

don't be there because you don't want to be there. You should be a little bit, you know, a little bit of fear. When they called my name and I walked up to the stage the first night, guys, I had to control my ass. So I thought I was going to blow a fart and diarrhea was going to come on. That's, but I just faked the funk. I walked up there. I tried to keep it controlled as I could.

Some of the jokes I said didn't work. You know, I couldn't hear it. It was such a big fucking room. You don't really know what's going on. And I felt okay. Listen, if you knew where I was at, I felt okay just because I drove down there and made it. Just because of that, I tapped myself on the back because Friday morning, I was looking for an excuse.

I was praying that my daughter would give me that COVID-G at last week. I'm like, let me get a test. You sure? I don't feel nothing. I'm like, Joey, what the fuck is wrong with you? But that's what happens to all my trips before I, even before the pandemic, when I was on the road every week, soon as that fucking Uber came, I'm fine. Soon as I get in the Uber and I slammed the door and I checked my wallet and I got my fucking weed and everything.

I'm like, that's it. I'm going to do a job. I'll see you motherfucking Sunday. But leading up to that, I get nerves. So what I did Friday when I woke up, guys, I was a mess and I was going to leave early. I'm going to go to jujitsu. I went to fucking jujitsu and I have the whoop watch. And usually when I press jujitsu, your heart comes up and it tells you what the beats are.

I don't know what I was beating usually on a regular basis, but I know when I tapped into fucking jujitsu Friday, that thing was like a hundred and something fucking beats a minute. I'm like, oh, I'm going to have a heart attack. I started running. I did some laps and that's like the third lap. I'm like, oh, this is not going to work. I can't even catch my breath. And I just stuck to it.

I didn't give up. I just stuck to it. By the time we got to the squats and the fucking mountain climbers and everything, I got up. I was hot. I was all discombobulated. Then we started doing some drills and shit. And also I'm like, my anxiety went away. I forgot all of my anxiety for 25 fucking minutes.

God, I was breathing normal. I came home. I washed my pussy. I had a fucking cheeseburger mama made. I pointed that car south. I put that fucking wave on. That's the name of the app waves, whatever the fuck. And I shot down.

I said an hour and a half on the dot. I beat it by fucking three minutes. It was tremendous. Listen, even the drive didn't bother me. I didn't get caught shit till last night on the way fucking home. Just 20 minutes before I got on the 18, I think I had eight miles left to go. And I started feeling a little weird. I had to open up all the fucking windows in the goddamn car.

And the air was blasting. I'm in there fucking dizzy. That guy had a little water. I came home fucking Saturday night. I walked in. My daughter was up. My wife were up. We watched something that was on.

They mean my daughter watched the honeymoon is and that was my mother fucking weekend guys. And last night I slept fucking fantastic or Saturday night. I slept fantastic. But Friday I went back to my room after it was all said and done. And you know, I do my little fucking stretching. I jump in the shower. I get that cigarette smoke and that Malukia and COVID air off your neck. And I realized I couldn't fall asleep.

And it was because my mind was racing a million miles a minute from what I had just saw, you know, what I had just been a part of. I realized, you know, the last two years, guys, I don't know what my head was at. I realized that I was part of something, you know, I realized that no matter how bad I want to pull out of it, I'll always be a part of something. When I went to the Philly game last Monday, I was fucking around with people and talking to the guys and my daughter and Jimmy. And the guy came over to me with his son. And this is weird. I didn't want to say this, but the son took a picture. The son was a really nice guy.

And his father came over and he goes, I appreciate you taking a picture of my son. He goes, I got two sons. He goes, I got him and another fucking clown. He goes, this guy's okay. My other guy is a bit moody. He goes, except when you're on. He goes, except when you're on. So he goes, I just want to tell you, I owe you a dinner or whatever you want because you bring a lot of happiness to my one kid.

This guy's all right. But my other one, he's a little fucking slow. You know, that's how Philly people talk to you. Not autistic, not fucking, you know, he's got levels. No, he's a little slow. When people tell you that about their kid, you're like, this guy's all right. You know what I'm saying? But that, it just all clicked for me at that time.

He goes, you know, when my son is down, you make him happy, you know. And I was like, really? I don't know what the fuck I do to make anybody. I can't even make myself fucking happy. So, you know what, man? I don't want to take it to where I was, but I really, I got to get out of this house, guys. So I'm going to, I'm definitely taking the fucking developmental show at the Sony Theater in Manhattan starting in September. I'm definitely going to take that deal.

It's just one Saturday a month. You know, and I'm excited about the Burt tour. You know, this week I'm going to go out with Rich Voss a couple of times. I'm going to go out with Jimmy. I need to get out two nights a week. That's it. I just need to get out two nights a week. Not fucking Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

I'm busy here, but I had to find the happy medium. And I'm sure that we all go through that in our lives where look at two years to find the happy medium, two years. So don't, you know, if you think you're looking for a happy to figure out how to juggle three things at once, your career, your family, you know, listen, I don't have that career no more. I don't want that. I don't, I don't even have a theatrical agent. If one of my friends wants to put me in a TV show or in a movie, so fucking be it. But if fucking like what I be cocksuck is tremendous. I needed it.

I took one yesterday morning. What was I talking about? I'm sorry. When I splashed my nose with the liquid, I do now I got Concord grape in my nose. I love it. But people always try to figure out how to juggle things. Some people more intelligent summer fucking retards like me and it took me two years to realize that it's not whether or not I want to do comedy. It's that I need something in my life and there's nothing else in my life.

I've already done coke. I've already mugged people. I've already done time. I've listened to all these fucking albums 55,000 times, which I enjoy. I wish I could find somebody to pay me to listen to fucking music and but I couldn't criticize music. So why listen? You know, I listen to music for myself. But I think that was the best part of the whole weekend.

You know, I realized a lot of things this last week. I realized that my wife and I have to get out more at night one night a week. I realized that I have to get out more. It's just healthier for you. I'm not a TV guy guys. I'm a movie guy. I love watching a movie on TV on the television, whatever. But I'm not a guy that, you know, I followed the Sopranos.

I was home on Sundays to watch it. But I'm not one of those guys. A lot of the shows that you got it's a 20th anniversary of the fucking wire though today and today and then on HBO. What was it? Jew second was what the fucking 20 year? Wow. Wow. So it was 20 years to the Sopranos two years ago and then right during the wire.

Wow. That's how much in the comedy. I was guys. I didn't know what was going on in 2001 and 2002. I was just fucking, you know, it was just a process, a part of it. But even my wife this week, we made a decision. She's going to get a job. And she was like, you know what?

I don't want to go back to accounting. And she goes, I want some light. I go, then get a fucking job massage therapy, you know, massage envy, you know, answering phones. And she's like, I went, then she went to a couple places. And this is where it gets tricky guys. You sit, you drive everywhere. You go to stores. How many fucking help want the signs?

Do you see? They're everywhere. I think there's two shores that can't open in Jersey because they got no lifeguards. They got no fucking lifeguards because Wildwood Crest pays 20 an hour and the other ones pay 13. So fucking that, you know, it's, it's, it's arithmetic. But that's not the point. The point is my wife went to like four places last week, one a day, just that she just saw there's a place by target. She went to Cole, something like that.

You know what everybody told me? Check back with us after July. Check back with us here. Check back with us there. You know, if you're this fucking busy, what, why can't you hide? You know, I used to go to jobs in the fucking nineties or when can you start right fucking now? Let's do this. Why fuck around?

Well, I'm going to go home and think about it and then I show up. Let's do it. You know, can you start tonight? Can you start tomorrow? Can you come up for training in two days? She went to like four places and they're like, check back with us in July. She don't want to wait. She don't want to do nothing.

She wants a mindless job. She goes, if I could fucking pump gas, I would do it without getting mugged or something. So she decided a fucking great idea. She's going to go and, uh, what? They don't kill cats. A murder free shelter. Like one of those no, no kill. Yeah, no kill shelters or something like that.

I think it's a fucking great idea. I got a friend from high school. I don't know. Her husband is rich every Wednesday. She fucking volunteers. She walks the dog. She pets him and shit. I got to be honest with you.

I think I got to do something volunteer too for four hours. Like ants. I can't listen. They got one of my friends is an EMT and he always asked me. He goes, if you ever want to drive, how's your driver's license? Fucking great. You want to drive? Yeah, I'll do something to help some people out.

You know, I love to do like meals on wheels or something like that. You know, something. Or just medical transport. You take people from their house to the doctor office. That's fun too. Get them high. People take them to fucking Chick-fil-A. Get them a chicken, a non-gay chicken sandwich and shit.

Chick-fil-A's in the news again. I don't know for what, but fuck you motherfuckers. All right, leave Chick-fil-A alone. They even close on Sundays, which tells you these motherfuckers got class. Leave Chick-fil-A alone. What's the matter with you? Everybody else is bothering you on Sunday. They come in, get a deal.

Chick-fil-A don't say dick. They're at home counting fucking 20s. So what? I don't even know what they did now. I don't even know what they did every fucking day. Boy, those chicken sandwiches don't bother nobody. And they're quick. You go to the fucking Costco.

There's a fucking Chick-fil-A by Costco. That place is fucking mobbed constantly. But if you go there, you're in and out of there in two fucking minutes. I don't know how the fuck they do it. They don't pay for women's medicine for birth control. That's what it was. It's birth control and they don't cover abortions under insurance. Because they're Catholic.

Yeah, I'm Catholic too. But that's true too. If I didn't fuck you, why am I paying? You know what I'm saying? If I didn't fuck you, why am I paying? So, I don't know. With all this abortion, this whole abortion shit, I don't pay attention to it.

I don't know why people decide on what a woman's fucking menstrual cycle or when she's going to have a baby or at one point. I'm so disgusted by the whole, guys, you've never heard me doing an abortion joke. You've never heard me break it down. I don't know if it's the Catholic in me or the fucking, I don't know. I just never clicked on with that shit. I don't like periods.

Listen, there's only one thing about pussy. I like eating pussy. All the other matters of the pussy, I have no idea about. I'm not a blood man. I don't have red wings for you nasty motherfuckers that eat period pussy with red wings. I got none of that shit. I don't have any of that stuff. I must have ate a period pussy once by mistake,

but we're not even going to discuss it, because I might fucking faint on location here. Every road versus way, I just avoid the whole fucking thing. Somebody got into a conversation with me. Is it legal to keep them to their 20 weeks? Listen, I don't know. It's got nothing to do with me. Move the fuck on.

All I know is it's fucking Monday, cocksuckers. It's June the fucking 6th. I got something interesting to tell you. Maybe, I don't know, 1981. I went to see Nazareth on June 6th, and they built it as a 666, but there was like two 6s, but there was no fucking third 6. Because it wasn't 1986, it was 81.

So I couldn't figure out, but that night, it was the fucking palladium. I don't know if you guys like Nazareth a lot. I'm not a big fan of Nazareth. I like, don't even talk to me about Love Hurts. I don't want to hear Love Hurts, so every rose has its thorn. I don't want to hear those two fucking songs,

but are we talking about 81? No, the Nazareth concert was the palladium. I wanted to do Louis Castellito. I went to this fucking show, and like I said, I'm not a big fan of Nazareth. I just loved going to see live music back then. I loved that song of the album Hair of the Dog, and another one, you know.

And we went there, and Hair of the Dog was great, but I'm going to tell you what song until this day, I can't believe that they blew out of the fucking water. Cocaine. Until this day, it was the best version I've ever heard of cocaine, and it was like, it was one of those combination acoustic, like they all got off their instruments. It was like the first unplugged.

And they did like two songs, but the first one was cocaine, and it was fucking sensational. Fucking sensational. I love when bands cover it in their style. Well, listen, there's two ways to cover a song. There's the way to cover it, the way they did it. Okay, and I respect that.

You respect it. Or your interpretation of that song. What's really funny, last night, I was driving home and I heard sympathy for the devil live, and I'm thinking to myself, this doesn't sound anything like the studio song. It's very all over the place. I mean, the mechanics of it, they're in there,

you know, all that shit. The guitar solo was really good, but it was a different, like there were bongos involved, and he slowed it up a little bit, and believe it or not, when I was younger, I didn't like seeing that. Think about it, guys. It's like a good joke. It's not gonna, if you want that joke to evolve,

you're gonna add all those layers to it. I would love to write a 45-minute bit on one topic. Just run with that one topic, you know, because think about it. If you wrote, I don't know, a whole lot of love in 1969, and you're the songwriter, you arranged it, you played the instruments, whatever. What do you want a whole lot of love to sound like in 1990,

if you wrote it in 1969? So, when amuse, when you go see a live band, like one of these older cats, these older bands, like I'm still looking for somebody who's gonna do that, because a lot of people don't have the courage to do that, because people paid money, and some people went, like I went to see Eric Clapton in, I don't know, 92. People were booing, because he did a blues,

it was a blues tour, but people wanted to hear Layla. You follow me, but back to interpretation, think about it, how, if I had a whole lot of love, have you heard Prince do a whole lot of love? There's a video on YouTube right now, I wish you could put it up, we could put it right here, we don't have that capability no more, we'll have to need to get that.

Sign me up on that, fucking, there's a thing about Prince. Prince has a video on YouTube, a whole lot of loves, Fresh from Vegas, it's live from Las Vegas, that's what a whole lot of love, you want it to sound like. He, and that's what Prince did, Prince did interpretations, when Prince did those shows in Vegas, where you would throw up the idea, you would tell them what you want to hear,

it was phenomenal, but he did his interpretation. I heard he played, I think Josh Wolf went to see him, Josh Wolf said somebody told him to play Nobody's Fault from Ariel Smith, one of my favorite fucking Ariel Smith songs on rocks, he said it was fucking fantastic, and then when I saw Whole Lotta Love, I was on that video for a year,

I would put it on every day, he's tripping the solos, oh my god, it's a funky Whole Lotta Love, that's what it is, it's a very funky Whole Lotta Love, it's interpretation, guys I'm gonna tell you something, if there wasn't a thing called joke stealing, it would be very interesting to see what other comics could do with other comics, key jokes, that would be something I would fucking want to explore,

how would Mike, who's a nice guy, doesn't curse much, how would Mike do with a Richard Pryor bit, you know what I'm saying, like somebody against the core, that would be interesting because I want to see what you would do with that joke, so what somebody clean would do with a dirty joke, and what somebody dirty would do with a clean joke, I've always thought about that, I've always thought about that,

because listen, like there was one joke thief that said that he didn't steal people's jokes, he just made them better, and by what he's saying is you got a 15 year comic, 20 year comic that's a veteran, you got an open mica that's been doing comedy for three years, he doesn't even know what to do with that joke, he really doesn't, but he's a brilliant kid for coming up with it,

but there's scumbag comics that would steal those jokes from those open micers and build them into themselves, what is a fucking kid in Missouri gonna tell, I don't know, I'm just using the name here, I don't want to throw a name because then you'll say I'm just using them as joke stealing, Joe Schmo, what if Joe Schmo, the biggest comic in the world, went to fucking Montana,

he worked through the weekend with some young comic that was fucking tremendous, you know, you could tell when somebody's gonna be good, they just don't have all the tools, but he had two or three jokes that were right fucking there, you're like those jokes are fucking pretty good, those are the jokes professional comics would steal from those young guys,

and then take it and interpret it in their own way, you know, a 20-year comic that's been writing jokes is gonna do way better than a comic that's been doing jokes for three years, and they do it, it's very sad to a guy like me, I wouldn't do that to a young comic, that deflates everything a comic has early on, it's good that he experiences it,

you know what I'm saying, it's pretty good that you experience it, so you know it's out there, so you trust no one, but it's kind of shitty to do it, and bro, it happened to a lot of comics years ago, a lot of comics were complaining that these big time comics would come to their town, Maine, you know, Pittsburgh, nobody's seen these guys, nobody knows who they are,

you could steal their joke, take it to LA, develop it, and one day you're sitting with your friends going, let's go watch Uncle Joey, I worked with him at Helium, he was great, and all of a sudden you're seeing your fucking jokes on this, especially like, that kills comics, I saw comics that they couldn't recover from that, it took a while to recover from that,

but I'll tell you the biggest interpretation, they're one of my favorite bands, they're in the top three favorite bands, I've always known about this, you know, you try to avoid it, you try not to think about it because you love them so much, you know, it's like somebody telling you your favorite movie star did something,

you're like, I don't even believe it, because he would never do that, you know, shit like that, Led Zeppelin, I love Led Zeppelin, I don't want to call him a thief, I don't want to call him a thief, I will call him Music Interpreters, you know, a couple years ago they had that case in Los Angeles, and Led Zeppelin won,

I love Led Zeppelin, but they lost that case, if you listen to what those people did, you listen to it Jimmy, and I love Led Zeppelin, I got to be honest with myself, I'm a big fan of theirs, Dave Dillingus sends me 20 books by them, I got 20 books by them, I've read 50 books by them, you know, it hurts my feelings, when I look to fucking explain music to people,

or stand up with a joke, I like Led Zeppelin, that's why I'm a fucking savage, they're in my psyche, I love everything about them, but the truth of the matter is, they lost that fucking case, dog, you guys know I love all law and order, even without the fucking degree I could be a judge, and I'd be partial and favorite,

I'm always fair with people, I'm fair with my own fucking things, I'd be a great judge, whoever judged that, and listen, if I was the judge, the only reason I would favor Led Zeppelin is one reason, this is what I thought of, I don't even know if you guys want to hear this or not, I think it's interesting, the only reason

why I favor Led Zeppelin is this, because if I gave the fucking money to the people who actually wrote the song, if fucking these people would have showed up a year after the album would have came out, we could have worked something out of it, but you showed up 50 fucking years after the album came out, guys,

I don't know if that's exact, I'll look it up tonight, I'm just glossing off the top of my head here, you showed up 50 years after the fact, and listen, when you listen to the fucking people who wrote it, and you listen to Jimmy Page's version, don't look me in the eye and tell me that that's not the same, the problem is, let me tell you why Led Zeppelin won, because how many people would have to unbury

from the fucking grave? How many? Every time I hear Zeppelin in the fucking car, I think of four people, my mother, Anthony Balzano, Dominic Speciale, and this girl, why? Because they played that song at their fucking funerals, okay? That song in the 70s, if your kid died in a car accident, your kid fell off a fucking swing and he died, because we were younger, like a 16-year-old kid dies,

you know how 18-year-old prom kids die when they go to a prom and shit like that, God forbid I'm talking about this, but it's the truth, how many times do we put fucking Stay Away to Heaven on to mourn that person or whatever in our own, it made you think of that person or something? So there's been 50 fucking years of dead bodies and people fucking thinking about people, that's the only reason I could see why Led Zeppelin got the award,

it would just untwist so many fucking things at this point. Do you follow me? Like how many albums do they have to go back into? Like anything they released after that point would have to have them on it. It would be 50 years of fucking work reprinting posters, you know, a whole lot of love was stolen, you know, shit like that, I mean, how much work would you have to undo emotionally? Just, you know, and I wish they would have gave something to the people,

like I wish Jimmy Page would have said, listen, you should have shut your fucking mouth and come to me on the side, I would have thrown you 10 Gs or something, a million dollars, I mean, I wish Zeppelin somewhere, they find a way maybe some undisclosed deal they made to maybe throw in fucking a million dollars, I mean, how much money does Zeppelin make off that fucking song? Concerts, you know, the whole thing included, come on.

So they're an interpretation band. Guys, go on YouTube. I'm not talking out of my ass now. I had to do this at night when there was nobody around because I was so ashamed. On YouTube, there's maybe six videos of people who have sat down and put the original, have you seen it? Fucking interesting as shit. And it breaks your fucking heart.

One night I started writing the songs down and I couldn't because I knew I couldn't listen to them the same. But then after you smoke a joint, you're like, what do I give a fuck? You know, I just want to listen to music. I got to get into the fucking bowels of this shit. But it does bother a guy like me, you know, bothers a musician that people could do this that Mike could go to his open mic on a Monday night with one of his original songs that him and his buddy wrote

and some fucking guitar attack is in there and puts his phone on. Show them to the band he works with. And just goes, no. Then he goes home, puts his guitar on it, whatever. And then he goes, I'm not talking about a guitar attack, maybe a guitarist, maybe a rhythm guitarist that, you know, isn't a band that he's struggling. You know, people like bands, they always say everybody has to bring material in. You know, you want to get from everybody a collaboration.

That's what a band's about. So I don't fucking know. But they're the best interpreters of all time. And there's times, guys, I'm not going to lie to you. I've heard a joke that I say, maybe I should add that to it, that to it, that to it. And then I just mind my business. I don't want to go up to a comic ever and go, hey, you should add this tag. That's none of my business.

You know, while I'm with them, I could say the tag a lot. And if they hear it and they like it, they could take it. That's their decision. But I would never go up to a comic. That's just me, guys. You know, I don't like a lot of these comics that come up to you and want to fucking, you know, I'm up here killing. You're up here sitting watching and you're going to call it to me again. And I understand there's a lot of guys that are great writers.

And when they see you, they could fucking. But there's some guys I had. Somebody told me that one night they were at a club and they were taping this thing and a comic would go on then go. Don't use that joke. He would go home at night and play the recording. And on the recording, you would hear the audience in the comic would say, don't use that joke. Don't you? And then he, you know, he went up to the comic one day and said, stop saying that shit to me.

But there's guys that think they could just come up to you. I would never go up to a comic and give him a tag. You know how many people have given me tags? One. One person gave me a tag. I said it and I got accused of being a fucking joke thief. And I never said the joke again. So that's why I don't, I would never go up to you with something.

I don't expect you to trust me, especially if I don't know you. Like if Josh Wolf comes up to me or Lee or Mike or somebody I know that I'm friends with a long time and they're a comic and I respect them a lot. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I'll think about it. At least I'll listen to it. But just a random comic, I can't do it because I don't know where the fuck they got it from. And then I'm the fucking bad guy.

So I don't even know how he got the interpretations. We got the music this week. I came here to talk to you motherfuckers about Atlantic City and how happy I was that I made it down there. I was shitting pickles, guys. I'm not going to lie to you. I really was. I was shitting pickles. And I, you know, guys, I'm just, I'm ashamed sometimes.

I took off some time, but I'm not. This is why people make what's called a comeback. This is what it's called now. So it's whatever I want to do. I know where I'm taking this comeback to. And you always hear people say this, I'm only going to do a couple nights a week and shit. But I, I'm getting old guys. You know, I get tights.

I don't know how I'm going to feel every day. I really miss writing. I really miss sitting down and like I journal, you know, I journal a lot. I write about what's going on. But I haven't really written comedy in my mind. I can't lie to you in my mind, you know, since you're out of it so long, now you get to get back in it. You know, when you're a comic, I've learned how to become a comic by a guy named Roger Holloway. Roger Holloway passed two years ago when I moved here.

Roger Holloway in, like, indirectly without him knowing it or I knowing it, we developed a comedians mind. A comedians mind is when you're doing, when you're walking around, when you're doing normal things, it's not that you say something. It's that you think it, it pops into your head and you actually go, holy fuck, that's funny. That's the comedians mind. So for years from hanging with him through my, you know, high school, it's weird because I've been thinking about a lot. 40 years ago this month, we graduated high school, all of us, we were that tight, but I was learning, you know, it was just an amazing experience. I miss those guys a lot. I miss what we were, but time goes on.

He passed, you know, my other buddy Glenn is busy. I'm going to hit him up this week. The other guy, he's off the fucking rails. But the best thing about Roger was that whenever you were with him, he always had a low voice. You know what I'm saying? So no matter what was going on, he could always hit you with a joke in your ear and you would fucking die. And it was the funniest fucking thing in the world. Or he would just turn his face and say something, take a look at this fucking guy, you know, something like that for that effect.

And you would lose it. And I remember in 85 being in Boulder and being without Roger for like, I hadn't seen Roger since January of New Year's of 85. And then I saw him briefly before I left. And I'll never forget. I remember walking down the street to Boulder and just giggling, having a fucking party going on in my head. Look at this guy's fucking sneakers. How many dicks did she suck last night? Look at this one over here.

How fat is he? You know, just, and even if it's not right, I know, you know, I'm not shaming anybody. I'm just in my mind. You're working that machine gun. That's how it starts. I really haven't had that in a while. Yeah, I say things to myself. Sometimes I make myself laugh in the car with a bad song or something, but it's not as strong as it was, you know, when I was in it.

Now I got to build that up. Like I think the jokes and shit when I'm rapping, when I'm talking to Mike or something, Mike might laugh and I go, that's a good joke. But I'm going to write that right now. You know, I don't have time for that. So I just got to get that back on and part of how do you get back that? How do you get that going again is not by sitting on your fucking ass. It's by fucking getting on stage. So I'll announce whatever dates I could get once I start making dates like real dates.

But for now, I'm just going to do poppins at different clubs and hopefully I'll bump into you motherfuckers this week. Rich Voss is in town next two weeks. So I'm thinking of going with him into the city. I mean, Ari's taping the special. I think it's next Friday and Saturday. So I'm thinking of going up there and giving Ari support. He's taping Jew at one of the theaters. I'm sure if you go to Ari's webpage or his Twitter, he's got that address or whatever.

I don't know what it is. I haven't spoke with him in a few days, but Ari's doing that next week. Jim Norton's at Uncle Vinny's. So I was thinking of going down there maybe Friday or Saturday and catching my friend Jimmy. He's a funny motherfucker. I don't know who's at the other clubs or whatnot. Yeah. Where?

Next weekend. Let's go down there and see Duncan and do a podcast with him. I don't even know. Oh, they got shot by South Street yesterday. But who gives a fuck? Like I said on stage, yeah, and that dog Philly will never be woke. They fucking won me over last week. I'm still fucking laughing about those motherfuckers.

Anyway, I love you. Cocksuckers. It's a great Monday. I won't let you go fucking quickly. If you came to the shows, I love you. If you didn't come to the shows, you didn't miss nothing. We'll be back there slinging dick till the fucking end of time. Take care.

Have a great fucking day. Have a great week. And that's it. Cocksuckers. It's your world. Now for a word from our motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I'm sorry I gave you any beating today about fucking shit you don't need to know about,

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