Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #171 - Ed Soares, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 23, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk with Ed Soares, manager to UFC fighters Anderson Silva, Lyoto Machida, and Glover Teixeira. This podcast is brought to you by: This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 04/23/2014.

This show is sponsored by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality raises sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. This show is also sponsored by nature box where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50 off that's half off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com and use promo code joey that's naturebox.com promo code joey and we're also brought to you by naileditlife.com for all you oil and wax smokers out there for

the premier vapor pen on the market go to naileditlife.com and for 20 off of your first order use promo code joeyds. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday, April 23rd. You're alive. Your dick is hard. And somebody's getting ready. Suck some fucking yum yum. It's the church of what's happening now, cocksuckers. Please kick this motherfucker. Let me see you with Old School League. Take it. Take it to the hoop league. Oh, shit. Crank that motherfucker, Lee. Crank that shit, Lee. Bust that fucking earballs. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Kick a leak. Give me, give me some love, man. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Love is the word of the day. Suck my dick is the second word of the day. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. This is you, motherfuckers.

Fuck the Malaysian plane. Fuck the Pope. Fuck everybody. Oh, shit. What's the story though? They're never gonna find that plane. They said particles fucking came up. It's over. Those sharks fucking, those sharks are shitting those fucking people by now. It's over. It's over, Lisa, at Wednesday, April 23rd. Fuck 420. If you ain't popping every day, you ain't a fucking soldier at that. It's 420. Oh, my God. The fuck, Addy. You fucking homos. What's happening, baby? Nothing. I don't want to congratulate you. Oh, thank you. I'm taking a walk yesterday. I did. Little commitments become big commitments, my brother. Yeah. Oh, that's bullshit. You know, what are you gonna do? Put a fucking suit on and go jump with a trainer. And after three days,

you're gonna be so sore. It all starts with walking. If you can't walk, you can't do nothing. Yeah. And I think, I think everything happens for a reason because I had a fucked up thing happen and now it looks like I might be moving next to the Hollywood Park, the North Hollywood Park. We're getting thrown out every fucking day. Every day. We're getting thrown out of apartments. That's what I'm talking about. We live. You slinging dick. I didn't throw you out because you bumped some guys' car. They threw you out because they see you with a smile on your face. They didn't throw me out. I'm just not fucking the pain in the rent there. How much is the rent? 1200, so I'm fucking leaving.

Oh, they raised it? No, no, no, no. This is the place I've been at. I've been at. That's where it was. And I'm just, I told the landlord, I'm like, I'm not fucking living here. So I found a place today I'm gonna go look at. Fuck those motherfuckers. So the guy's saying that you're hitting this car? Yeah, this guy, I've been there a month and a half, almost two months. Like two weeks in, he was in my parking spot writing me a note with my landlord. I think you're hitting my car. I'm like, I haven't touched your car. My car has no things on it. Like, that's, I just haven't been, but I'll be careful. And then a week ago, I do have one thing to tell people because it's fucking smart. A week ago, I got a call from

my landlord saying he thinks you're still doing it. We're gonna move your parking spot. So what you, what you fucking do, I email my landlord because now I have a record of it. It was April 14th when he emailed me and I said, I'm not doing it, but I'll move over. So we literally moved my parking spot six feet over. I get a call yesterday from my insurance company. Do you have anything, a statement for what happened on the 15th? I'm like, what happened on the 15th? Nothing happened. Look, you hit a parked car in a studio city parking lot. I'm like, no, the, send someone out. No thing, nothing happened. So I looked at my email, I moved my car on the 14th. He's saying I hit him on the 15th. Yeah, you guys, you got this dog.

The one thing I have to say, get everything in writing. You're fucking savage. You're a regular law and order. Oh, I have to call my mom and tell her she was right because she told me to do that years ago. So fuck people, but now I'm moving to a bigger nicer place. That's right. Cause you're slinging dick like a pimp on a Tuesday. You follow? God damn right. That's why I love you, Lisa. Because you're a fucking soldier of death. You don't even know it. You're just a little Jew of death right now. But in fucking four years, you're going to be throwing satellites out of your dick. You understand me?

You're just going to be pulling the skin back and lasers, Jewish lasers, by the way, Passover's over. Break out the fucking Alkacelsa. Jesus Christ, it's a week of Jews eating bad food. You know what I'm saying? Every Jew in America is like, Jesus fucking Christ. I got to go gluten free now. Fuck those matzo bowl cookies. Oh my God, they're so gross. What else is going on? You got nothing for me on a fucking Wednesday. No, I mean, let's see. I'm not, I'm fucking happy otherwise. Fuck. I just didn't sleep last night. I was riled up yesterday. I was, I was like a Jew. I was like a Jew on fire. I almost wanted to knock down the guy. Jew on fire. Jew on fire. I didn't, I, luckily I didn't know what apartment

when he was. I almost went to knock down this door. I was, I was riled up yesterday. Well, that's good. You come down. How are you, how are you doing? You know me, dog. I got up yesterday. I went to that. It's funny because last week at the UFC in Orlando, which by the way, I got to thank the people of Orlando correctly. I had a great fucking time last week. I really did. Orlando's and the people that showed up to the show were world class. Some guy gave me a bad motherfucker wallet. Some guy gave me a tray for my weed. Some guy gave me a vaporize. I want to give you guys all love. Thank you for the presence. You know, I love you guys. I didn't give you, Monday was a fucked up day here.

So a lot of things were overlooked. I was supposed to give some kid a shout out in the Beverly Hills Film Festival. Just, you know, life happens people. So I'm sorry, but I love you is all and we fucking try. Everything is great. I went yesterday to this. I'm at the UFC Saturday and we'll get into a conversation about karate movies. And somebody says that Steven Seagal hit somebody in the head with a pool cue and a sock and alpha justice. And I made a statement. I go, yes, he did, but it was first done by Chuck Norris in Coal of Silence. Oh, shit. 1983 Dennis Farina, tremendous fucking movie, the Colombians in Chicago, fucking great. Chuck Norris, you know, we don't give enough credit to Chuck Norris. Bruce Lee did a lot.

Chuck Norris did a lot for the sport and especially like Tang Sudo. It's a division of Taekwondo. It's, you know, something else, something different. These guys kick above the fucking head. But Chuck Norris is a bad motherfucker. He's returned to Dragon with Bruce Lee when they fought the Coliseum. And the octagon is good. Good guys wear black is good. There's a couple movies Chuck Norris made, but I think one of Chuck's best fucking movies was Coal of Silence, 1983. So I make this statement. The guy looks at me weird. The other guy says, that's right. You're right. The guy goes, I don't think so. I'm not going to argue the UFC. I just moved on with my life. I have no audition yesterday for the untitled Warren Beatty project. It's got a fucking all

star cast like Matthew Broderick and fucking Martin Sheen and Candice Bergman and just actors, you know, and Joey Diaz and Joey Diaz. And I go in yesterday, the appointments at 1130. I get there at 1015. You know me. I don't fuck around because I don't want to fuck around in traffic in Hollywood. There was no traffic going into Hollywood. So I'm the second one there. There's some guy I've recognized from a few movies. I can't remember who it is. I'm sitting there and also the door opens and I look up and it's the fucking gangster from Coal of Silence. And he's 70 years old. He's got to be 65, 66. And he's been in a couple of the movies. The guy's a bad motherfucker. I do not know what his name is. If anybody as on IMDB, look it up and Twitter,

the gangster from Coal of Silence. I think his, he was a younger guy, but the old guy is old man Scalise. And then he's the younger guy. And there's a big Bruno guy. So I'm sitting there and I look up and it's this fucking guy from Coal of Silence. And he was sitting there for five minutes and it's a Coal of Silence. Nobody's saying nothing to each other. So I raised my hand, Lee. I go, hey, last Saturday I'm at the UFC and some motherfucker was talking about Stephen Seagal out for justice. And I said, the scene was from Coal of Silence, which you were in. He goes, that's right. And after that, we started talking, you know, I didn't even tell him the whole story. I told him that and then I went inside. They called me and I had to go inside. But when I came

out, I came right back to the same point where they called me in. Like I was having a conversation she goes, Joe, you're ready to go. I'll be right back. I went in and I came out and I talked to him a little ball about movies and they told me a Stephen Seagal story. He was on a plane with Stephen Seagal about five years ago. And they were both in first class and Stephen Seagal got up and he's a tall guy and his head hit the top of the, of the thing. And as he was walking on the plane, he left a streak of, he left a streak of ink from dying his hair. So there you go. That's your Stephen Seagal story of the fucking day. Okay. That's how we rock it here on the church of what's happened now. Very interesting yesterday. I wanted to ask you something. The other night

we had a discussion and you were talking about MSNBC. Oh, the Joe shows? Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Why didn't I turn out like one of those guys? Why didn't I get tattoos? Why didn't I commit myself to prison? What was, I always sit there and watch that show because that was me. That was me when I was 28. It was. Lee, I was a knucklehead. I wasn't a knucklehead like that. I was a little bit more intelligent. I had a little bit more, I had a lot more common sense in those guys. Yeah. But I was in that same predicament. And whenever I watch that show and I look at that show, I get really sad. Oh, really? Because I want to grab those guys and go, are you fucking serious? You're going to live a life. You're going to waste a life behind bars at this

mentality. And I know that you like this show and it makes me feel badly. Like I get scared that that was me at one time. See, the thing I was going to say, like, I just know you now. So I was going to say, like, well, you have heart and you wouldn't end up like that. But if that was you, then, you know, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about that was like last week, they had a guy in there two weeks ago. You're on the road. You're doing comedy. You get back to your room at 1130 nine out of 10. There's nothing. I'll make a cup of coffee and I'll put that on. Okay. And I'll watch TV, listen, but I'm really writing. I'm really on the computer on Facebook or Twitter. I'm writing on LitLift. And I listened to a guy go, you know, that this is the only life

I know, you know, being inside. And right away, I thought of Gary and he been cool. I was never brother. And I called Danny yesterday. Danny called me in the morning. I called him back and I said to him, how's Gary doing? He goes, Gary's going to be in there for life. You know, Gary called into the podcast a few times and it's amazing that he always wanted to go back in even when he was out. And that's what the guy said. He goes, I don't feel comfortable outside in the real world. And that's fucking shocking to me that you wouldn't feel comfortable. You know, the extension of prison or going away is like a big summer camp. If you break it down that way, if you break it down in your head that you're just going away

for summer camp as an adult, it makes the time go by a lot easier. You know, I went in there looking at four to six years. I didn't go in there looking at 20 fucking years. And I know I wouldn't make parole. I always knew that I wasn't even going to go in front of the parole board. See, when you do a violent crime, you do 80% of your time, usually 90% of your time. So they give you 12 years. You're going to do 10 of those fucking years because you're going to go in front of the parole board and they're going to deny you. They're going to say that you're not fully rehabilitated. You know, I've been trying to write this chapter, the hardest chapter in this book has been a book about this guy named Mr. Blue when I got locked up. Mr. Blue was my counselor.

He was an old redneck. And the first two months, he didn't like me. And I didn't particularly like him. But like anything else in life, he saw something and he started talking to me and giggle. He would break his mouth from time to time. And I would always ask him about a file. There's a special date. They didn't take file. Like, yeah, you said, test, you know, and that guy always told me I was dangerous. All it says is you're a danger. And I used to feel really bad about myself. Because at that time, I was in an all time low, you know, in my mind, you know, I had nothing going on. I had no prospects. I had no future. When you have no future, that's a scary proposition. You might not have a job. And you might not be doing what you

want to do, but you have a degree, you have a pathway. And at least if you walk into Burger King, they'll say this guy did something, he went to college for four years, even though it still shocks me. And nobody's ever talked to you about college, Phi Beta Kappa, whatever. And to have that feeling, to feel lost like that, anything could happen to you when you don't have any future. And you yourself know I'm telling you, I had no fucking future at that moment in that jail. I was coming out to zero. I had money in the bank. I had a girlfriend. You know, I was gonna come out to have an apartment. I wasn't going to be like start from zero. But I mean emotionally. And as a human being, I started from zero. I didn't have a college degree. You know, I didn't get my

high school fucking diploma right before I got admitted into the University of Colorado. It's not that I quit school and went back, but I never had enough credits to graduate. And I was concerned with living. Never mind a fucking diploma. So I had all the makings of a loser. At times, I still feel that way. Only I pay my rent now. I have money to go to groceries. I don't fear. You don't know what it is to be a criminal to go to bed every night, not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring, not knowing if you're going to answer the door to fucking cops knocking or whatever. So when I watch that MSNBC show, you know, it just, I look at that and I get scared. For a second, I get really sad. I say to myself, that's me. There's no two ways about it. I was

in that position. What do you think maybe it has to do with, because you've talked about how you went like for a night every once in a while, but like you were never really in jail before then? Do you think maybe I wasn't in prison before that? I had been, I had been in county jails before. I feel like days and yeah, like a night or three days, not even three days. Like I always got bailed out. I spent the night, got out in the morning. So you never got comfortable. Like it seems like that a lot of those people say, I don't see how the fuck they're comfortable. I don't know what the comfort level is. The mattresses suck. The shower suck. You know, they give you a little towel. You got a shower with men around you stink and shit all fucking day. You know what men

smell like all fucking day, like a zoo. You ever go to a fucking zoo by the apes? That's what it smells like in that fucking thing. I've seen people on that show who were alive 30 years and have spent 23 years in some sort of jail. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? And that's comforted. Not being able to go to your car, not being able to walk to 7-Eleven, not being able to do those little things. It scared the fuck out of me. It scares the fuck out of me, but I don't know. Did it scare the fuck out of you then? No. At that time, you know, man, after I lost my mother, I lost the fear factor, the fear of anything because I wanted to die. When you don't have a mother at that age and had

the things going on around me, you know, people buying cars. Here I was 17. I had no fucking car. There were just little things. I always felt insecure how it was. Now you put the drugs in no mother. What do you think I'm at now? Lost the religion because you lose your faith, you lose your inner believings. Now what does that leave you? You're just a fucking, you're just a recipe for debt. So when I watch that show, my question is, I don't understand why I didn't end up like that. And I know that I have the prison mentality sometimes in my daily life. You know, I know I have that criminal mentality in my daily life, but it's helped me. The fire in the mornings that I have has helped me, you know, to do other things.

I just can't understand like it scares the shit out of me when it makes me very uncomfortable. And that's what I was just. Maybe it has something. I'm not a huge believer in this, but I know you are. And I know you lost your mother and you wanted to die and you have her so upset. But for the 15 years that you had her, she fucking, she loved you and you knew that. So I don't know if she was looking over you or maybe just in the back, like the deepest part of you, you're like, you don't want to disappoint her. So maybe like that pushed you. I don't know what. No, I don't want to disappoint anybody, especially like I told you the other day, if you take me, give me 50 bucks and let me sleep in your house for years, I would always call you

when something good happened. I bought the commercial dog. I did this because in a way, I wasn't just happy for me. I was happy for you because you believed you wouldn't have given me those $20 if you didn't believe, right? Some people give you $20 to get rid of you. I knew who was giving me $20 for me to sleep and to live another day and to have my dream another day, which is the most important thing is that no matter what happens to you, when you wake up that next day, your dream still has to be fucking strong. Whatever your dream or your desire is for that day still has to be strong. Whether you want to go to vocational school and be a motorcycle mechanic or you want to be a transvestite and cut your dick off and whatever

the fuck you want to do. I laugh at the two guys across the street from me. They're transvestites in progress. They get the shots and the one guy's hair is growing. Then you'll see him and he puts earrings on. Now he's got a bra on. The guy's been wearing a bra lately. He's turning into a woman right in front of me. It didn't happen in one fucking day. Since I've been in the last five years, he's been becoming a fucking fag every fucking day. Whatever the fuck he's doing. I like him. I talk to both of them. The one is fucking hideous. I don't know how she's going to be a woman. She's really a man. She just throws a wig on. Like Big Mike? Yeah, Big Mike. Big Mike just throws a wig on and says, fuck it. That's not having fear.

It's just amazing when you watch those MSNBC shows and I walked in those shoes and I sit there and I still believe that that was me. I still believe in a lot of ways that was me. I don't look down on it at all. I don't. Anybody who talks to me and emails me and knows that I don't look down on any of that shit at all. Have you ever thought about doing one of those scared straight things with kids to try to get out? No, because that doesn't work. It doesn't. I don't listen. Nothing really clicked with me till I did the work. Me bringing you into a prison and yelling at you isn't going to show you work. It isn't going to show you the inside of it. If some big black guy got you and beat you in his head with his dick, that'll scare the fuck out

of you when you're 15. But me, you yelling in my face is just going to make me walk out of there and be more to prove you wrong when you're 15. When you're 15, you think you know everything and your goal is to prove your parents of what was society wrong. You're a fucking moron. I put this tattoo on my face because people know that I'm business. You're 15, you fucking idiot. That's why you put a tattoo on your face, you fucking moron. That's why they tell you to bring your mom. That's why they tell you to bring your mom when you get a tattoo. She talks, you got to have a fucking tattoo on your face, you fucking idiot. But no, that's the real deal, really. And it scares. It just wakes me up every fucking day. People the other day,

some kid asked me, what motivates you to the thought of that? So why do you watch the shows? At night? Yeah. As a reminder. As a reminder of how fast things change and how fast things can't change. I could be driving down the street one day. Someone like cuts me off. I flow into his energy. I give him the finger. He throws something at me. I throw a hammer at him. He dies. I do 50 years over something fucking stupid. And that's how fast your life could change. That's how fast by a movement of your fucking temper by a movement of you haven't thought it out. That's how fast life could change. And as long as you know that, as long as you know that you could wake up one morning, I could look at me and go, I'll see you at 12 at 1130. I go to

fucking 711 and try to run some motherfucker over with a car and get the rest of the call to the 12. That's how fast things could fucking happen. Those are the mistakes I overcome sometimes. I do them because I'm fucking human. Yeah, you get fucking pissed off every day and things fucking happen. Let me tell you something. There are people that I hang out with in LA that when I see them, when I leave them after a few hours, I feel like shit. Like my energy, they suck my fucking energy out. They get into my head and that's dead negativity. They think they're Johnny positive. They think they're the best people in the fucking world. But something about their character, that's why when they're around me, I know they're lying. I know their

whole existence is a lie as soon as they stand next to me. But I've been around those people all my life. You know, you get to get people's energy. You get to get, you're bumping into something and everybody's saying you get happy like Steve Simone. Oh fuck yeah. Whenever you see Steve Simone with his new haircut, it's like the sun came out. Yeah. Isn't that fucked up? I've always been jealous of people like that. There's always some person in a group that I'm in that has no beef with anybody and everybody. No one has any, no one has ever had anything bad to say about somebody. And I've always been jealous. I've always wanted that. Nobody talks bad about you. So there's some people who don't like me. I'm sure I've been an asshole to somebody or

cut somebody off or did something. I mean, there's always some people. You hit somebody with your car. No. You tapped your fucking car into the guy's chest. I'll fucking flip this table over. But no, I just, I've always been a nice guy, but there's a difference between being nice and it's just, and the thing is a lot of the times it's a religious person. So I don't know what it is, but somebody who's religious but doesn't push it on you, there's a, that person a lot of times always seems to be very happy and no one, he never really hurts anybody. So like that, like every once in a while I'm like, should I be religious? Like cause they're always really positive.

Religious, it gives you some type of belief and it keeps you together. I know a lot of people disagree with me when it comes to religion. That's why I don't fucking talk about it. It's my, it should be your own personal thing and it's your own personal belief, what you believe and what keeps you going every day. I don't care what it is, as long as you have something. It's the people who say I'm atheist and that doesn't bother me. I don't give a fuck if you're right there. None of that shit. When it comes to me, I don't give a fuck if you vote, you don't vote or what your religion is. Cause those, those topics always cause fucking problems. If it keeps me and you together as friends, I don't give a fuck what your angle is. Just

don't push it on me. Yeah. You know, just don't put, there's only one person who pushes the fucking Bible on me and that's my niece. Really? She heard the podcast. Yeah. And she doesn't push it on me heavy. She just mentioned it to me once a while. What did she say? I don't know. Have you read the King David side? I don't fucking know, you know, and she does it in a cute way. Would you get your niece on? Cause every time you talk about your niece, I'm like, no, my wife said, no, she's like, don't put her on because she's too young. And then the mother will listen to it. And here it's talking about fucking stabbing motherfuckers and she'll get upset. Why'd you put my daughter on there? So I got to wait till she turns 18. Your niece has met Mercy, right? Oh,

yeah. Like a little, like a big sister now. Well, not really. I mean, she's 18. She's 17. Yeah. When you're 17, you know, you know, it's tough, but she likes Mercy and my niece is very sweet. And she said a couple of things. And the last year that's really made me turn my head around at her because she wants, and whatever we were talking, she goes, you know, I want to go back to school uncle Joey, I get a degree so I can take care of you when you get old. She says little things to me. She's very sweet, my niece, you know, she grew up without a dad. So that hole is there. And she had problems with somebody a couple of years ago at the church, some guy, an older guy and her got into it. And she just, you could see that she, you know, when I first met my wife,

she said something worth dating that destroyed me. She was like, I'll always tell that you're missing a mom. You just have that thing that you're missing a mom. Yeah. She goes, you just have that. It makes you a different person. She explained it? Like what she meant by it? She told me when I was doing blow one night, she didn't know I was doing blow and it just freaked me the fuck out. It made me stay with her in a while because at least she paid attention. No other woman had told me that, you know, that's very interesting. Did you say what it was that she could tell was missing? I was missing a mother's love, that there was something about me that you could tell, but that I was very sweet. But I could have been sweeter.

Lee motherfucking sciat the church of what's happening now get up, drink your coffee, do a little fucking stretch, stretch your back out, stretch your hands, your feet get out there, motherfuckers. It's a beautiful day to be alive. You gonna sit there with your thumb up your ass, life's against me. Who gives a fuck? Everybody's against you, but don't let them know. Just get up, wash your balls and get the fuck out there, Lee. Get out there, Lee cocksucker. Get out there. So I walked down to the corner where I live where there's been offices all my fucking life. In fact, Gray Drake used to have her office in there. That's how I found out about it. I walked down there to do podcast twice. Oh, something made me walk down there. I walked,

I pressed the buzzer and I went in and the guy's name was Victor and I talked to him a little bit and he goes at the funeral parlor across the street, rented all the four offices, but there's one office they're not sure of. He was like, contact him today and let them know it's got windows, air conditioning. We have our own door to the street. We could smoke dope in there if we want to. We could yell and scream. Yeah. So we'll find there's two places that has the outdoors. It's like a hotel. Oh, nice. It's outside. There were recovery. They were like redone hotels. That's what I want for the office. I want windows. I don't want to be trapped. Like this is an anxiety fucking box. There's no fucking air. Everybody wants to put the air down to 74. When

you were in Vegas, you set the air condition. You notice it was fucking lying to you. Oh, is it really? Yeah, that's why you sweat now. A fucking night in Vegas because it says it's 60, but it's really 89. The Trump was cool. I don't, I don't, I didn't notice it there, but I fucking, I, as soon as I get into a hotel, that's where I go for it. Turn it into the coldest possible. Do you really? I fucking love it. Me too. Yeah. And they told it's 55. This ain't 55. You want 55? I go down to 55 if I can. There's some hotels that go down to fucking 50. They're really 60. They always lie to you by 10 because they don't want to spend the fucking money they want to save. That's like this office we went to the other day. They're like, we keep it at 74 all

day. This is California, bitch. Yeah. 74 ain't gonna do dick. It's gonna be 90 in fucking July. Gotta turn that nigga up to fucking 50. Where were you? I think maybe you were in Tennessee in those last year because when I went to Tempe, it was an older one where you couldn't do the temperature, but it's like high, cool, low, cool. And I turned it to high, cool. I left it for fucking all day and I woke up shivering. Oh yeah, in Arizona, don't fuck around. But you did it. You did it once, I think, in your wife's family and he started peeing on the floor from the lift. And it fucking, I don't know, I think you said it on stage like once and it fucking killed me for months. Like you stood up like peeing around the room from the bed. I'm fucking around, Doug.

When it gets cold in there, I don't want to get out. That's what it means to be fucking cold in the middle of it. I love it. I love being, like the only way I can sleep is fucking freezing. Yeah. I like putting the blanket all in my head with that sleep apnea tube flowing out like a fucking Oh, it's all over your head. Oh yeah. Oh, that freaks me out. I can't do that. I put the blanket all in my head and how I breathe is with the sleep apnea tube. That's why I like it. Freezing. I want to put your foot out, not even close. Oh, stays underneath. Oh, I have to have my foot. I have at least have one foot out of my head. It's always out. You ham hock sticking that there. Goddamn right. Sticking like sticking like a pretty soon. It's gonna be summer. I mean,

we were like slippers. You know where my yarmulke. You ain't gonna wear no fucking slippers. You're gonna bring the homeless. I'm gonna have to put up for the new office. You're not bringing hummus to the new fucking office because I don't even want that's a no hummus. You know where I hear they have good hummus? Where? In your asshole? Austin, Austin, Texas. They have no fucking hummus there. They kill people eat hummus. Did you know that? They kill people eat hummus. On site? Go to Houston, Dallas. They'll kill you. I'll take you to Midland. Go eat fucking hummus in Midland so you don't have a bullet in your fucking head. Before you even dip that chip in, it'll be like one of those county bullets that'll fucking take you out. You just fall. That's all

you hear. And then it's gonna make you sleep in the fucking hummus. You fucking momo. I'll die happy. We're only eating at two places in fucking Austin, Papacitos and Papadose. That's it. I'm going to Papadose. You're not gonna stand in my mind for 12 hours for that barbecue? You're gonna go fetch it. You're gonna go fetch it. I'm gonna give you like 50. You're gonna get nothing left. I'm gonna need all the brisket on the way back. You can stand on the line all fucking day. When you get back, just send me some potato salad, mac and cheese on the brisket. I love potato salad. You're gonna live like a doctor down there. The fucking Papacitos or Papadose is walking distance from the hotel. Okay. I don't play games. That hotel is great. Do they have all this stuff beside seafood

stuff or no? I don't know. I don't ask questions. You eat what they fucking give you. They don't know what no restaurant just gives you anything. They got lobster bisque. Lobster. They got lobster bisque. They got nice crab and shrimp salad. You don't have a steak. When I go to Texas, I want to have a steak. Maybe. If I ask for vegetables, they laugh at me and give me another fucking steak. Wait till I take you to Papacitos and you call the girl and tell her, fuck you and your mom. Wait till I take you to Papacitos and you pick up the phone and go, fuck you and your mom. That ain't dick with you motherfuckers. Really? That's cat food. Oh, shit. All right. Well, you motherfuckers serve me as cat food. What do you get at Papacitos?

Everything. The taquitos have a kind of bone weight with some fucking rice and beans and a salad. You're in Texas, motherfucker. This is some Tex-Mex shit. I'm going to go to Chewie's. We're going to get the Elvis chicken. On Wednesday is the Elvis chicken. On Monday, it's the sour cream and whatever. And Chiladas, what are you fucking nuts? Nobody goes to Chewie. I'm going to buy you a swirl margarita at Chewie's. You're a little asshole. You're going to want to sniff a girl's asshole when I get through with you. You understand me? You're not nuts in Texas. You have no idea. Oogie Spooky lives in Texas. Oogie Spooky's bringing one of her girls to fart in your fucking mouth. You're going to take three farts to the mouth in Texas,

one a night. You don't even know these things yet. You're going for the full gummy bear. We're going to put a wig on you. The full all over. I did the full gummy bear once. It was the night of Fadari. That was the worst. You'll be fine. You're as tough as fucking nails. You understand me. Don't worry about the gummy bears or the sucky sucky bears or the fucking whatever. No, it's just I always think about that shit. How come I didn't get affected like that? I'm sick and tired of hearing. When I watch MSNBC, everybody always has the same story that they come from a broken bone home, broken bone. They come from a broken home. Well, it's obviously on your mind. So let's break it down. Broken home. You didn't come from a broken home. I mean, your mom passed, but you

always had the people like you were never honest. Like you were on the street, but like you had the benders and you had those people who were there for you. Right. So maybe they just didn't have that. Like, I mean, even though even though it sucks, like no one would want to have to live in the bender's basement or with the runnies. No, I'm on paper. I live in the bender's basement. I had a nice little fucking bedroom conditioning and a cat. Yeah, no, no, there was no suffering. Okay. I could lie to you and tell you that, you know, oh my God, I slept in the basement, roaches crawling on top of me. I'm not gonna tell you that. That's a fucking bullshit. So I never had roaches crawling on top of me. The worst that got me was that night I snorted

blown woke up next to the dog shit. That's that's and that was bad in my eyes. That was bad. But it's just, uh, you know, I saw one shoot that Nico guy on 148th. And I always laugh about like when I was eight, I laughed the whole way home. I mean, when you see your stepfather shoot somebody, you're always like, God damn, you know, that this is tremendous. When you see your dad shoot somebody, can you imagine you see a little scene? No, little dicky. So I had to shoot somebody at one of his fucking, uh, and nobody called the cops and nobody, you know, was that those type of days you could shoot somebody and get away with it. Nobody's gonna call the cops on you. The people he shot, even the guy he shot never read enough. That's the word. That's that's what

men do, bro. They go back with a gun or they shut their fucking mouth and live with it. Somebody shoots you at nine, you recover that dude who shot your nose. It's on. He's either got a face, the music, or he's going to leave town. If he's got balls, he's going to stay in town and duke it out with you. He shot you already. The words on the street, he shot you. Now it's your move. People can just look at you and go, is he weak? What are you going to go back and shoot him? So why didn't he go back and shoot him? Because he was weak. Holy fuck. First of all, anybody who has the balls to shoot you, you know there's no coming back. Some people could tell you a cock sucker. Some people could bit slap you. Some people could hit you with their car.

Somebody who pulls out a gun and shoots you is at an all-time high of fucking craziness. Yeah. Craziness. That's just fucking craziness, you know. Why didn't I get affected from like, I laughed the whole way home. I never told anybody that story until I got into my fucking 40s on stage. Well, one wasn't proud of it. Like he always had guns around, but like he said when he went back, you're like, remember when you shot that guy? He's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I have no idea. He wouldn't, you know, he wouldn't cop to anything, even if you caught him. So it wasn't like the guy who has tattoos on his face. It's like one's like, this guy's being a fucking asshole and I gotta stand up for myself, but it's not like he went over

there to shoot the guy. One thing that Juan stressed that I'm really a fan of is one never wanted to let nobody know his business. Juan didn't have to let, you know, when this guy died and had millions of dollars, not like he drove a Maserati and wore a suit every day. He didn't like that. I got that quality from him. You know, I look at Juan for a lot of negative things I learned from him, but goddamn, he taught me a lot of positive things. You know, it's like the guy who talks money around me in front of me fucking irritates the shit out of me. Some of you brags that they did this or they flew to fucking Europe. You know, when somebody's telling your story and you know, when somebody's talking shit and bragging, you know the difference when somebody's dropping names or

they're fucking dropping money situations or what, you know, Juan, you couldn't get nothing out of Juan. The cars he drove were pieces of shit. The car he drove till he died was the car he had when my mother died. No way. Yeah. And he still had bullet holes in it. There was two little bullet holes in the side of big Coronado, El Dorado, Coronado. That thing probably gets eight miles to the fucking gallon. So what did he do? He just went home at night and counted the money? He went home at night. He lived, when he died, he lived in a Ford store apartment building that had no fucking elevator. He would walk four floors every day at 76 fucking years old. Do you understand me? But he did that to keep himself sharp. That was his way of keeping himself sharp. He knew that if he moved

they had to walk up those stairs. When I was a kid, he was a big exercise guy. He was always doing calisthenics. He was always, even at 50, he was always doing something like that. That's where I get that from. I try to shunt him off sometimes because of my inner things. I can't believe he did those things to me after my mother died, but I learned a lot from Juan. And that was one of the lessons was that empty barrels make the most fucking noise to keep your mouth shut, go in the back. You don't have to show people you have a Cadillac. You don't have to show people a lot of money. You don't have to have all this fucking, you know, as long as you know you're the baddest motherfucker in the room. That's all that matters.

I used to fucking laugh at him. But no, I learned a lesson that he didn't say nothing to you, nothing. He never opened up his fucking mouth. But I know by watching him and by how he dressed and how he got ready to go out at night, that when he was in the room, in the back of his head, he was the baddest motherfucker in the room. And he always had to fucking prove if it's, if shit cracked up, he rose to it. And that's why he shot that dude that night. I mean, that stays with me forever. And I love him for it. I love him for the experience. I love for the balls of it. He just had balls. It was over a fucking statement. Shot this man over a statement. And he wasn't drinking. He wasn't arguing. He just looked at

the guy, went into the back room, got a 45 and walked out there and went and the guy was still talking shit and he shot him in the fucking leg and we got in the car and he threw the gun in the fucking Hudson River and we went home. And it's like, he, it's like it never happened the next day. It's like it never happened. I'm still remember eating breakfast. It's like it never fucking happened. We just, ah, you know, it was just a bad night. We didn't discuss at the dinner table. Like I said, years later, 20, 30 years later, I brought it up to a guy and he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I fucking buy the laughter. I'm like, this is why I love this guy. This is the, and that's who I am. That as much as I want to regret that I'm

wanting a lot of ways, I really am. This should have gotten up early. This is taught to me by one and my mother. I remember having summer vacations and one summer one bought a flower shop. That's what he would do. He would just buy shit. Like he would just buy a fucking business and learn about it as he went. And I remember him buying a flower shop and him going, I can't believe I can only sell flowers in the flower shop. So he would get summer kids. He would get kids. I needed jobs. Yeah. Me and him would go into the city at four in the fucking morning, four in the morning. We were seven, six, eight, those ages in the summers. Instead of fucking around with my friends, I'd go with him, pick up glaviolos, the long flowers and pick up roses, okay, white ones,

long stems. And then I had to take them back at four in the morning. I had to de-step them. You had to fucking, I learned how to de-step roses when I was seven and eight. You know, I had a, that's the work ethic. This is why this shit doesn't surprise me. But this is what I want to instill in my door. This is why I always take my daughter out first thing in the daytime to show her the sun. You gotta get going, you little fuck. You gotta get going. I want to instill this in you now because this is how it was instilled in me, you know. Pretty fucking interesting stuff, how we, we do get a lot of stuff from our parents. Oh yeah, that's fucking, and you always fight it, but you really, like, I'm, I'm my mom and my dad,

that's just, you can't fight it. But uh, so did you sell the flowers? Like, did you, did you go out on the street corners and sell them? I think I did it once or twice. I was too young. He had other guys that went on 86th Street in Manhattan and they would sell you, they would prepare bouquets and sell them to you. I saw that in the early 70s, done. And I was, and he used to do it outside of banks. He would go, as soon as they come out of a bank, everybody's happy. They want to buy something. So that's where they'll buy flowers for their wife outside of the bank. That's hysterical. The happiest you are is when you cash a check. Oh yeah. That's the happiest. This is when you cash, you mean you get your fucking paper in your hand on a Friday. So he would always go,

you gotta catch him when they're fucking happy. This guy was just criminal. This guy was in another jail. How the fuck did he know how to mark it? Yeah, he know how to mark it. It's common sense. I love, ever since they started putting the pictures of the check on their seat, I always get a receipt now. At the ATM, you can get a receipt with the picture of the check on it. I see what you're saying. I'm like, fuck you, I want to look at that. What do you do? You just look at the check for a little while and I'm like, shut the fuck up. Paula made fun of me for fucking days. When I'm in Vegas and I have my little bankroll, if I'm up, I'll cut that shit all night. I'll put in little piles, I'll count it, I'll spread it, I'll do like a little fan. There's nothing I

like more than playing with money. I love it. Yeah, that's why, that's what it means to be Jewish. Can't you wait to get a million fucking dollars and take a bath with singles? And then take a bath with fifties and rub them all over your asshole and your nutsack? When I was really young, my dad worked in the nightclubs and he was really successful. And I remember, I remember every day, he would like, he would just have, he never had a wallet. He would always have just like the, the, the folded and he, my mom would go and he'd give her like a couple hundred bucks to do whatever she needed to do that day. Do they have a Jew bank roll or do they have a real bank? Yeah, I think he had a real one. I mean, I remember.

Do bank rolls, three hundreds over a hundred singles to make it look big? No, he, what he had was to get into his nightclub dances. It was five bucks, so he had like a thousand fives. Really? But it was just like, and he talks about it now is he used to carry thousands of dollars and it's just, it's not necessary, but you never feel better than when you have like a full wall. It's, it's fucking, it's, it's, it's something that shouldn't affect you, but just, I don't know. I don't know if it's because I'm Jewish or what, but fucking, I mean, you don't, you carry a little bit of cash, but everything now is credit cards. When, you know, it's, uh, it's really weird. I like to have cash because I know about emergencies.

Yeah, that's what I fuck up. Yeah. You know, I'm always scared that there's an earthquake and they knocked the central system off the fucking bank of America. Yeah. One of the other bank and everybody's account goes to zero. What the fuck are we going to do? What the fuck are we going to do? And that's going to happen. There's some reason to come up with that scam and just go, this is it. We're going to fucking back systems and everybody's fucking money is going to go back to zero. I don't want to think about that. And we're not going to know how much money you really have. You're not going to know. You're not going to have to go to the bank and find them. I had $700,000. No, you didn't. You know, what the fuck are you going to

do with it? This is going to happen someday. It's going to happen here in LA during an earthquake. Yeah. It could happen anywhere else. They're going to blame it on an electrical short or something that you don't see this coming. I see it. Well, I built my fucking earthquake kid after the last couple things. I spent like 300 bucks on Amazon. I have two kids now, one's in my car and one's at home. What do you got in the car? I got a, I got a change of clothes. I got pants, like something like gym pants. I got change underwear, change of socks, shirt. I got something that will cut my seat belt. If it's like I need, if I can't, if it's jammed or whatever, I got a water bottle. Where is the jam up for them? It's in my, it's in the bag. I actually

have to put the bag in my car. They're both sitting because I just built them. I got a water bottle with a filter in it. So I could always just pour water into it if I needed to. I got a flashlight. I got a bunch of D batteries. And then I just went on and I don't know the nature valley granola bars. I bought a box of like 96. I just put it half in each bag and I'm just ready to go. You ready? I fucking, if there's a big one, because there's been a bunch of fucking big ones. You got a big fucking ramble knife. I should probably get a knife. You're not thinking. You got to get a big knife and you might as well get a gun too, Lee. You got a couple of fucking guns for us. You know what I'm saying? You're at that age. You need a fucking 45 and a bazooka.

You're Jewish. You never thought about having a fucking bazooka. No. You don't see those Jews in Israel with the fucking bazookas and shit that none of them are your cousins. No, those are the fucking Palestinians. Those are the real deal motherfuckers and shit there. But I mean, well, Israel don't have bazookas with all the money they got. They have bazookas, but the people who are throwing it over the borders are the Palestinians. Motherfuckers. Those are Tripoli's cousins. I don't want to talk about it because I always get yelled at. I want to talk about this shit. What, the Palestinians? Yeah. You like them? No, I understand both sides are doing the wrong thing. But I mean, it's fucking it's your home

team. It's my home team is Israel. So I'm going to always support them more. I understand both sides are fucked up and and they shouldn't be doing it. But come on, you're sending missiles over the fuck. If Mexico was sending missiles over the border, you'd fucking they'd fucking do stuff to Mexico. What happened to the fucking Israel flag? This is why this office didn't work out. I'll bring in the first thing I do. I'll bring in the fucking flag with you. I told you from day one that the fucking flag was supposed to be a little fart fee. A little fart. Your pants. No, it wasn't a shit. Yes, you did. Just a little drop with him and sit here with shit in my pants. How the fuck do you think I am? What's the matter with you?

Well, what do you do if you're sitting there right now and did that fart and a little shit came out? I would fly the bathroom, throw my underwear in the fucking toilet. Well, then I would throw my jeans on the toilet and sit here fucking naked for the rest of pocket. I don't fucking know. You know when you're going to shit when you're going to fart, you know, you take away. I made a mistake a few weeks ago. No, I don't want to take away for this. This is real. This is fucking shrimp cocktail with a salad last night. Oh, I love some cocktail. But oh, geez, you smell it. No, I'm closing my nose on purpose. You know, I'm starting to smell more now since I stopped smoking Really? Well, that makes sense. I lost my sense of smell, man. I can't believe I didn't smell a

lot of shit. Now I could smell shit the house. I could smell cat piss. I could fucking smell it for years. My wife smell that I don't fucking smell nothing. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense that it would burn your nose hairs or something. I'm not really sure. I don't know what happened. I don't know what the fuck happened. The sense of smell just went the fuck away, man. I wish I you know, I didn't know. I don't fucking know nothing, Lee. I'm not a doctor. Now what you got to do is you got to try to sniff an asshole. Maybe you'll be on my side. No, please. That's the sense. Listen, when you sniff an asshole or you go down to the woman, everything, your senses all open up. You're excited. So you sniff everything. And that's the whole thing. Yeah,

but if you had no sense of the smell, wouldn't you? Can you imagine sniffing a girl's ass and it don't smell like a little bit of fucking something? Wang through it? That'd be amazing. No, it's got to, you don't want, when you eat pussy, you want to smell like skin and soap. Well, no, that's a little different. There's no shit in the pussy. And that little fucking dust comes out. You want that to have some wham. There's dust coming out. I don't fucking know. I think you're doing it wrong. You gotta have some wham through it, don't you? Yeah. Well, that's different. There's no shit coming out of there. Why are you so sensitive about shit? What's the matter with you? That's how you wait shit one day when you were a kid? No, I didn't.

So then what's the problem with shit? You don't like eating pussy? Nothing. No, I do. You're nasty cocksucker. You know that? God damn right. We watched Connair with Ricky at last night, and I love that Dave Chappelle one. Your breath smells like shit. He told me he loved me. You ever seen that movie? What? Connair? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Connair? What's wrong with Connair? I don't know. I thought you guys would do something different. We did. No, we did a new one. We did his, we did, uh, bringing out the dead. I was bringing out the dead's a good fucking movie. Bringing out the dead's fucking a good fucking movie. I haven't seen that in years. Did that get good reviews? No, it apparently bombed. It bombed. Yeah, yeah,

that's a good movie. You know what I'm doing tonight? I'm going to be the Rivera's party. Oh, shit. Water and power downtown. Will you drop in names? No, he was on the podcast. I know. And he called last night. Do you want to go or you have a podcast this evening? I have a podcast. What time is your podcast? Seven. That's what time the thing is. He's going to have a movie and food and he put a Latin name on a tent. Oh, shit. And everything's fucking beautiful here. Who's this? What's up, Joey? Who's this? It's Ed Swares. There's my brother. How are you, my friend? Good. How are you, man? You just waking up? See, I woke you up, cocksucker. No, no, no, I've been up. You were up jumping up and down last night with Glova Tuxera and shit.

How's Baltimore, my friend? Baltimore is Baltimore, man. And if you go two blocks away from where we're at, man, I'm scared. Really? It's the fucking wires. 2014. Jesus Christ, man. You know, they shot somebody at the comedy club there. Did you know that? They shot somebody at the comedy club there. That's how fucking one Baltimore doesn't fuck around. Even Anderson Silva would have a hard time in fucking Baltimore when they shoot somebody at a comedy club. That's like shooting somebody a fucking Disneyland. You know what I'm saying? Who goes to Disneyland to shoot somebody? That's a miserable cocksucker. Who leaves a comedy club and shoots somebody? That happened at that fucking

club there. So that just goes to, and I don't have no problems with Baltimore. I think it's gonna be a fucking great weekend for fights and everything. Ed Swares, how the fuck are you? You're a friend of the family. I don't see you no more. We don't talk. Man, everything's good, man. Just been traveling quite a bit lately. We had the Big Nogs fight in Abu Dhabi, and then we got Glover's fight. We had Hafei al-Bozangio's fight this past Saturday. So we've had April's been a busy month for us here. Let me ask you this. I know you flew home with George the other day. You're a partner, the most interesting man in the world. He is the world's most interesting man, for sure. Let me ask you something. What type of deal do you have with American Airlines? Do you

Platinum Express also? Platinum, whatever? He was telling... Well, no. He's American. I'm United, man. Are you really... He told me he's Platinum something. He doesn't even... He just... All he has to do is call, and they don't even fucking answer the phone. They know he gets a free plane ticket or something. No, it's not. It doesn't get a free ticket, but he gets upgraded. Actually, he's got that Platinum status on American, and I have the 1K status on United. 1K fuck. I'm so far away from you guys, and I fly every weekend. That's because you fly to Brazil and London and Dubai and shit. I don't fucking travel in this fucking country. That's it. Yeah, I'm United last year. I hit a million miles, so now I'm a premier executive for life.

Oh my god. A million miles in one year. Jesus Christ. Listen, man, you and your partner, George, are some of the... Or probably the best management team in NMA. You guys have Leodo and Anderson and Glover and Rafael, and you got your little Brazilian mafia there and a couple of white guys. That's the name of your model. The Brazilian mafia and a couple of white guys. And it's no mistake. You guys are champions. I've loved you since I met you. You're a successful dude. What's going on with Anderson Silva these days? I see him fucking hitting the movie tie, punching bag. He looks beautiful. No, he's doing good. I actually spoke with him last night. He's feeling good. Yeah, he's training. I mean, he's doing really well. I haven't seen him

in probably about a good six weeks. When I got back in town, or actually he was out of town, and then right when he got back in town, I had to leave town again. So I'll probably be hooking up with them on Monday. We're probably gonna have breakfast. I get home on Sunday from Baltimore, hopefully with that light, heavyweight title around Glover's waist. Jesus Christ. This is going to be a great fucking fight. You know, I don't even know who else was on the car, but it doesn't even matter. I watched the end of the whatever show last night, the countdown show. I didn't even know Phil Davis and Anthony Johnson. I didn't even know Anthony Johnson was back on the UFC. That's how busy I've been lately. I'm like you. And I didn't know Tim Marsh was

fighting Luke Brockwell, but it doesn't matter compared to John Jones Glover. I mean, the guys won 20 fights in a row. I mean, you can see he's not fucking around. Now, he's focused and I was looking yesterday and then he's very focused, very relaxed, very confident. You know, he's, uh, he's had this, uh, he's had his eye on this prize for a long time and that he's just looking forward to getting in there Saturday night and trying to take that belt back with him. You know, uh, one thing I love about, I mean, this is just such a fucking perfect fight. This couldn't be written any better. The styles, you know, I can't wait to see, you know, John Jones is a wrestler. He takes this motherfucker down. This guy could fucking submit

you. You know, that's a difference. I mean, Vito could submit you. I mean, Vito almost had John Jones. I'm sure that you guys were looking at that tape and whatnot, but this guy's jujitsu. When he's a big guy and he's strong, you know, I'm going to be sitting. He was very good. I mean, he, uh, he made it to, I think he got third place in Abu Dhabi a few years ago. I'm not gonna say. No, that's what I'm saying. I didn't even know he was an Abu Dhabi guy until about a month ago. I looked at his, I mean, this guy, you know, when you go to Abu Dhabi, you got to bring it and, uh, John Jones has had a lot of accomplishments, but Abu Dhabi does something to you. Jujitsu, it does something to your confidence. It's like me getting an HBO special. You know,

you just, it just bumps you up a level, you know? So I know that, uh, I mean, I know that John Jones has gone up against every fucking formidable opponent in the 205 division. I mean, I mean, he's definitely a very complete fighter. You know, he, uh, you know, Glover is, um, he's a guy who, uh, he's got good boxing skills. He's got heavy hands. Um, he's got good wrestling. Um, and, uh, and his jujitsu is very good. So, you know, he, he's definitely a complete fighter. He, he's trained and he's prepared to take the fight wherever it goes. So, uh, I think, I think it's going to be a great fight, man. You know, once again, you can't disregard, uh, you know, John Jones for his accomplishments. I mean, I believe this is going to be his seventh title defense,

I believe. So, I mean, you know, that, that's the record for a light heavyweight champion. So you definitely can't, uh, you know, underestimate his accomplishments, but, uh, but I think Glover is, uh, you know, prepared enough for the battle. No, this is, uh, and it's funny. Now he trained at America's top team. If you watched the UFC last week, America's top team did very well. And, uh, I know that there's the black house chairman, America's top team. You have all these, it's funny when, when I started watching UFC, the big camp was Iowa, you know, that was the big camp. Militant fighting. Militant fighting systems and, and AKA was very big when I got into it. You know, uh, they had the, this is before

Kane, you know, when they just had Kotchik, uh, the one kid and John and my quickswick and now the tide has changed. It's, uh, it's pretty much Greg Jackson's and, uh, an American top team. I mean, and that's why he trained at American top team, but he's still with, with, uh, John up into Kempo place, right? He's still going. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, he did his last, um, he did his last couple camps at American top team, but, you know, Glover's kind of, uh, a little bit of a nomad. He travels around a little bit. You know, he likes to train at black house. He really likes California. Um, you know, the guys at the American top team were just a great set of guys over there. He's got a good training there. Um, but I know deep down

side, he really likes California and eventually I think he'll probably be making most of his camps out in California. He just likes the weather better. He just likes the, he just likes California a lot better. Isn't leoto out here also now? What do you say? Is leoto in California training also? Oh yeah. Yeah. Leoto leoto trains at LA too. Yeah. We're trained at the black house. You know, it's amazing that if you live here and train here, I mean, you cannot lose if you really, there's no excuses. There's no excuses. There's such an abundant training in Southern California. I mean, from, you know, the top people in the world in the ground, I mean, you can get great boxing and get great new time. I mean, there's just, there's just a lot of options for, for a

professional fighter in Southern California from Los Angeles to San Diego. I mean, there's just, it's pretty much a hotbed of, of martial arts. Just in my neighborhood, just in the neighborhood where I run in Hollywood. Justin Fortune is back with Pacquiao now. I think now he's got Miguel Cotto back over there or somebody else at the gym. I heard from McAfee. Just if you were in Hollywood, you could do your strength conditioning at Justin Fortune's, which is on Sunset and Gardner or Sunset and Cerebral Needle. Then you get in your car and you go a half a mile to fucking Cabrinias where Verdum is at and fucking Babalu. And then from there, you go to fucking the boxing guy right up the corner is fucking Pacquiao's boxing guy, that little gym.

Oh, I roach. Roach. That's in the fucking, that's in a two-month radius. That's not talking about 10th planet. That's not talking about Gracie Barron on whatever. That's not talking about Blackhouse. That's not talking about that. That's not, that's only in LA. That's only in LA. Yeah. And then, and then you start moving south and then you've got, you know, you've got Blackhouse and in the South Bay, then you've got the, of course, the Gracie's right there in Torrance. Then you've got Kings MMA. Then you've got Mark Munoz is down at Reign. Then you've got Alliance down in San Diego. That's right. Alliance is in San Diego. I mean, it's just not, even if you look up here, I'm in the Valley. In the Valley, you could train at Vinnie Curtis, place for your hands,

and you could shoot over to John Jock. All within, it's all within a few miles. Yeah. I mean, the Valley. And then we're, and then, and then the Valley, they got that Glendale training, where Ronda Rousey trained. Where Ronda Rousey trained. Gelbergers training there too. It's, it's, it's something to, you know, I live down the block from the, the Hall of Fame Museum. Who's the, Benny the Jet? We're right around the corner from Benny the Jet School. My office right now, our office for the church, is right around the corner from Benny the Jet School. That that's how fucking, Benny the fucking jet teaches kickboxing, two blocks from here. The old, I'm, I'm maybe 150 yards from GoCore. You know we're 150 yards from

GoCore. Yeah. They have the, the, the Black Belt Hall of Fame, the right from walking distance from where I live, is Valley Martial Arts Supply. That's where GoCore goes in the afternoons and asks us, what's his name? Jean LaBelle, isn't there in the afternoons? Jean LaBelle, yeah. That's the oldest martial arts supply school in fucking California. Bruce Lee used to go there. Right there on Lancashire Boulevard. It's a little school next to it. It's a little shop next to a Kempo school, where they don't teach, they don't teach, they teach in Spanish at Suarez. That's how fucking, that's how different the Valley is. The guy teaches in Spanish only, Kempo Karate. He's one of Ed Parker's guys, but he's a Mexican dude and then just teaches. It's

amazing. It's amazing what's available to you now. If you really want to fly through the fucking air and beat people up in the octagon at Suarez. That's it, man. And LA's the spot to do it. You still been training at Suarez? No, man. I don't train. How do you walk? Once in a while, I'll, I'll put a gi on and go train at the Gracie's, but not very often. You look good. You look you're looking thin. You look good. I saw you in the countdown show with your man, Globe, and you look good. You look healthy. Oh, thanks, man. No, you got a, you got a busy fucking summer. You also got a machine to fight in our boy. Yeah, I mean, yeah, we got my Q to fighting wide man. And, you know, I'm talking about, we got the RFA, you know, we got our next

RFA is going to be in June 6th in LA. And then it looks like, you know, we've got just a summer June, we've got two RFA events, July, we got one in August, we got one, so what four events over it could be months span there for the RFA to on top of all the fights. Now, let me ask you this, the RFAs, where's, where are the ones in June? Because I know you have them. I'm out of town, but I like to go to one of them and sit there and fuck around with you for a few hours. Yeah, June 6th is going to be in Culver City. I'm a veteran memorial. Okay. I'm in Utah that weekend. Where else? Okay. And then June 27th, right now, it looks like we're going to be going to either St. Louis or possibly Utah. We're just looking around for June 27th. And then July

25th will be in Denver. And then it looks like August 22nd, most likely we're going to be coming back to, coming back to Los Angeles again. Okay. So I'll leave that date open. So I go down and fuck around with you guys. That's tremendous. That would be awesome. Now this RSA, what kind of league is this? It's still an octagon or? Yeah, it's still an octagon. And that's, you know, basically we're, you know, the developmental organization for the USC. We went out there and we licensed the octagon because I wanted to kind of emulate and get these guys prepared to move up and do the USC as, you know, as best as possible. And we're actually doing a pretty good job of it. I mean, last night I was counting how many guys we've put in the USC. We've done

about 14 shows and I believe we've put 13 guys into the USC. Jesus Christ. I mean, listen, your management team, you know, is a champion management team. You guys have had champions and a couple different weight divisions. What does it entail to be a good manager? Let these people know what, I mean, obviously you got the best, Ed. Yeah, you know what? At the end of the day, man, I believe you just, you just got to be solid, man. You got to be a man of your word. And, you know, when guys are looking for management, you got to trust your manager. And I mean, I think, I think at the end of the day, you have to have that sort of a relationship. It's a lot of hard work. And if you say, what do you do as a manager? I mean, it's almost kind of like, it's almost easier to say

what we don't do. I mean, you know, it goes from, I mean, you name it as a manager, we do it. You know, I mean, from, you know, everything from personal stuff to business stuff to coordinating your, you know, help coordinate their training, where they're going to train up, you know, when they, when they travel abroad to train, you know, all the logistics. I mean, it's a lot of things. And then we're talking about negotiating contracts going out there and looking for sponsors and, and a lot of our fighters are being foreign fighters. When, when they come to the United States, it's much different than having, you know, an American fighter here. And, you know, you can send them, you know, the guy who has a fight in the UFC, you send them to the UFC,

he does all that, but we kind of have to be there by their side, help translate for them and kind of navigate them through the weekly obligations that, that come up when you're fighting on a show like the UFC. Now, do you guys manage Chao Magaliz? He fought last? Kyle Magaliz? No, no, we don't manage him, but he's really good friends with, he's really good friends with Glover and he's a good friend of ours, but he don't actually manage him. He fought last week. Yeah, he looked good. Oh my God. And he, it was the saddest thing from a different perspective because the guy he fought fucked up. He made his family come. They put on t-shirts. They brought the baby. They had a headband on the baby. The whole neighborhood was there. And that Chao Magaliz

came out like a fucking cannonball. I mean, that's all like, he came out like a savage. He came out like a fucking savage that they, you know, like when you go for your unemployment check on the fifth or your welfare check, it ain't there. When you leave that office, you're going to stab motherfucker because you already had plans. You had the crack pipe ready. Yeah. That motherfucker, they must have told them something like they must have whispered, this guy wants to fuck your girlfriend in the ass because he came out and just punched this guy. And this guy, I think, I think what they told them is they said, man, if you don't win this fight, you're going to end up uglier than you already are. Oh my God. And he said, there's no way in hell I can do that. And you went out there and

knocked the dude's head off. He came out and he had the guy, he punched him and I felt so bad for like, because then the guy kept looking at his family. He was so embarrassed for them. He came thinking like, why did I bring him here? They get, watch me get beat up. But the funny thing was like his brother was a redneck and he kept yelling at the ref, ref, he still had a chance. Why'd you stop it? Well, because your fucking guy was getting punched in the fucking head 50 fucking times. He saved his life. Take the beat and go home and enough next time. Don't get fucking shirts. Now you got to walk out of the arena with those shirts on and your boy fucking got beat up. That's why I don't wear fucking shirts. Fuck you. Fuck you.

That's a lot of pressure, man. I've never had to do that. But I'm imagining that would be a lot of pressure, man, to walk out into your hometown and fight on a, on a stage like the USC. I mean, I would, I would think, you know, I guess it just depends which way you look at it. But I mean, it would be nice to have that little bit of a hometown advantage. But I would also think that the pressure would escalate quite a bit, you know, knowing that you're fighting in your hometown with, you know, all your friends and family there watching your lives. I don't know. Like I said, I've never fought. So I couldn't tell you what it feel like. But I'm just imagining it would probably be pretty intense, you know. You know, the other morning when we got on the

plane with George and Redoam and a bunch of people on the plane, just when I went to sit down, Joe Rogan looked over at me real quietly and he goes, I would never want to be a fucking fighter. You know, and I didn't even ask him why I just put my earphones and thought about it. And you have no idea this, you know, I read a bunch of articles about people badmouthing like GSP, you know, because of his decision to step away and whatever personal problems he had. They have no idea. I bet you the first time Anderson lost that time when he got in the car at one point, he goes, thank God, it's over. Thank God. Thank God this pressure was over. It does. I mean, it's, you know, people have no idea the sort of pressure. They have no idea what

sort of pressure because at the end of the day, this sport is a very cruel sport for the fighters, you know, you know, you, you, you know, you look at a guy and, and, you know, he gets knocked out and it's the worst feeling in the world. But, you know, it's almost like that thrill because, you know, you know that every time you walk into that octagon, you know, you have a chance to, to make history. You have a chance to, to have an incredible fight. You have the potential of that. And when you do, it's, it's one of those greatest feelings in the world. You know, I mean, I mean, I, I, like I said, I've never thought that I've made that walk so many times with Anderson and, and with Lyoto, with Nogar, with all the guys that I've, that I've made that

walk with. And I've had some incredible moments, you know, I mean, when I, when I look back at my career as a manager, I sit back and I think, wow, man, I mean, some of the most, you know, some of the most memorable moments in mixed martial arts being on, on the good side and on the bad side. I've been involved with, with Anderson Silva, knocking out Rich Franklin with, with, you know, Nogar submitting Tim Sylvia with, with Lyoto knocking out, with shot evidence. But I've also been on some of the most devastating moments when, you know, Anderson breaking his leg, the way he broke it and things like that. So, you know, I've had, I've been on one side of the fence and I've been on the other and, you know, and, and

people, people can say what they want, but until you're right there in that moment, you know, it's, it's a, it's a pretty intense feeling. You know, it's really weird. He also made a statement to me that when we sat down and I, I got mad the other day with me and Lee, Lee's the co-host, Say hello to Ed Swar. It's the flying Jew. We were talking about, Hey, how's it going? Rogan said that when he does comedy and he gets in his car, that the Twitter is very positive, that when he does a podcast and he gets in his car, that the Twitter feed is very positive. He goes, I hate doing the fights because the night after the fights, I get a thousand tweets of people calling me a faggot or saying that I said something wrong or that I favored this guy.

And one thing I've always hated Ed is people who get so involved in sports, you know, it's like I was in Boston. I'm at the bar. I just took 200 pictures with people and some guy comes up to me and says, Hey man, you had Herb Dean on the show. How can you do that? That guy is making the worst call. I'm like, Oh, it's a fucking Saturday night. And I could tell this guy had been thinking about this for three weeks. He had been thinking about this for three weeks. You know, I looked at him at first and I go, You were fighting. Oh, no, I'm just a fan. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. Don't you owe fucking money on your credit cards? Go fucking pay him. That's what you should be worried about. The fucking you worried about whether Herb Dean made a good call. I watch a fight.

It's over. It's fucking over. You know, I can't imagine, but those are the people that drive me fucking crazy. When I put on the Twitter and there's people saying, Look at fucking New England. They picked this guy in the third round. They suck. Are you fucking serious? I guarantee you got a wife with a tremendous pussy and you're worried about the fucking New England Patriots third round draft pick. And then you're probably completely wrong about what the fuck you're saying. There's better things to worry about in this world. But unless you walk the steps, who the fuck are you to fucking open your fucking mouth about Anderson Silva or BJ Penn? Or the only thing I get mad at about fighters is when they don't go in there. And even if they lose, they

fought their heart out. When fucking Machita lost to John Jones, he still beat. That's the only round John Jones ever lost, correct? Well, yeah. And then oh, until then, yeah, then the Gossison. But Machita made a fucking statement. He didn't go in there and do the same shit he does gets winded. You know, that's when I get mad at a fighter when, you know, the same way if you came to see me yet after a year, I was saying the same fucking joke. You go Joey, nothing happened in your life in the last year that you still have the same fucking 20 minutes, nothing happened. So that's, I just want to fight it to evolve. Every time I see Machita, he evolves. Every time I see Jacare, he evolves. Every time I see fucking Anderson, he evolved. That's the only qualm I have.

And that's what I've learned from MMA. That's what made me a better comedian, because I'm like, that fucking guy is fighting again with that same fucking move. He's going for that same one leg that hasn't worked in 20 fucking years. That's what he worked on during the last eight week training camp. So I know he hasn't worked. That's the only time I get mad when I see that the lack And sometimes, you know, these guys work on all these new things. And then all of a sudden, you know, the old guy, I would be those types and I said, everybody has a plan and then they get hit in the face. And that sometimes happens to, you know, a guy's a wrestler, a guy's a wrestler. He's working on his standard skills. But the minute he gets rough, he's going to go back to what he knows and

that's wrestling. And sometimes that happens too. But that's the great thing about this sport is that you never really know what can happen. You know, the only guarantee is that there's no guarantees and you move left when you should have moved right. And it's going to be a fucking short night for you. And that's what makes it all the fucking excitement in the world. Exactly. That's what's exciting about it is that, you know, at the end of the day, whether, you know, I remember before fight against Travis Brown, I was watching it from home and it said that 85% of the fans thought that Travis Brown was going to win that fight. And you never see the bookie with a part time job right there. You call your bookie and go lay

everything I got on fucking Redume because the general public's wrong 70% of the fucking time. How's that one for you? That's the easiest way you want to gamble. Just go on Twitter and go, who does everybody like tonight? And when they all lean to Travis Brown, go, I'm betting the other way, even if you just take a chance for 50 bucks, because I knew somebody was going to lose. I didn't know. I thought, I thought cowboy was going to have a hard night. He fought a great fight. I thought that, you know, I knew that the Karmuch Misha Tate fight, I almost fell asleep three times. And usually I'm sitting there waiting for Misha's fucking pussy to pop up. This time I fell asleep from the fucking boring fest. You know, Misha Tate's got some body. I

love her to death. She's a great fighter, but Jesus Christ, she's got the best body in the fucking world. I wouldn't mind, you know, I don't even want to say. Yeah. Yeah, it was that fight was a little bit, you know, and a lot of people were complaining about that decision. They were thinking that that was Karmuch won that fight. You know, I have to go back and I have to watch this first. I thought Karmuch won the first round for sure. I thought the second round could have went either way. And I thought the third round, the third round was definitely Misha Tate. So it was one of those things where, you know, that's what happens when you're leaving judges, you know, hands. Sometimes you don't get the nod that you were hoping for.

I even read on Google that Misha Tate thought she lost. Misha, the reason why I didn't watch the Misha Tate fight was because I had people getting up. I was sitting at the end. I had those Joe Rogan tickets that are tremendous, but I had people getting up every fucking thing to get alcohol. Then they get up to pee in between the fights. I don't even know what they went to the fucking fight for. So finally doing the Misha Tate fight, I said, fuck it. And I walked upstairs and I sat at the bar and I watched the fucking last fight from there. Because once that last punch is thrown, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stuck on the bottom floor in place, you know. So I got the fuck out of there. At Suarez, I will see you at the weigh-in.

All right. We'll be there. And you have a show Friday night? Friday night. I think it's sold. I'm not sure. But listen, man, you're one of my favorite people in the world. And I don't see you much. I don't talk to you much at the time. We talk on the phone, but I'm always really proud of you. And I like you and your partner came up to me the other day because we walked to the plane together. We lost Rogan and we walked to the plane together. And I go, I got to get something to eat because I don't know if the plane, the food's going to be good. So I got a Cuban sandwich and I went to get them. They had all this Cuban stuff and I wanted to get Georgia Cuban coffee. Oh, and the people

had no fucking Cuban coffee. I couldn't believe they had Cuba. So I started talking to a lady in Spanish, asking him when I got away, Georgia's eyes were huge. She goes, you talk Spanish very good. Why don't you an announcer for Bellator or something? I can't fucking, I got no good eyes. I can't see nothing. But it's amazing when I talk Spanish in front of people, they lose their fucking mind. They think that only bad words come out of my mouth. And also I'm dealing with the fucking Oye's and that, but it's always a pleasure to be around fucking winners, brother. That's it, man. In this, in this world, especially if living in California, you got to be able to speak Spanish, man. Bro, if you don't know how to speak Spanish in this

world, you're fucked. You're fucked. The next 20 years, you got to teach your kids Arabic and Russian. It was, it was funny in school, man. I never opened my Spanish book, man, because I spoke Portuguese. So most of the time, 95% of the time when the teachers say, how do you say that? If I didn't know, I'd say in Portuguese and she says, yeah, that's close enough. That's good. It's amazing. I heard Spanish is fairly easy for me. When Brazilians say Kawa, it's Govaji, you know, and it's so similar because in Spanish, it's goad, you know, it's the same fucking. It's like when you listen to somebody's Sicilian, when you're Spanish and you hear a Sicilian talk, you got this motherfucker because every three words is a Spanish word. La Concioneta is a fucking song.

La Concioneta is a song. Concioneta is a fucking Italian song. So it's amazing when you know Spanish and you hear Sicilians talking, you know every third word you pick it up. It's the same thing with Brazilians when they're around me. I could always pick up three or four fucking words here or there. Yeah. It seems like, you know, like I said, I spoke Portuguese first and it seems like a little bit of an easier transition from speaking Portuguese and trying to pick up Spanish. Like for instance, I could speak Spanish pretty good when I go to Mexico, but like sometimes if I'm watching like a Spanish television, sometimes I'll get lost because they're speaking too fast and I can't understand everything. But you know, Portuguese, I understand everything fluently,

but Spanish TV sometimes, you know, I'll get a little bit lost when they start speaking real fast. So in other words, you could buy Valium's in Mexico, but I can never put you on Spanish Jeopardy. You'll never be on fucking Mexican Jeopardy. That's what you're trying. It's fast. You gotta, when you watch Telemundo, you gotta pay attention. I don't think I'll be on any Jeopardy, especially not in Spanish. I love you Ed Suarez with all my heart. I'll be there with you. I'm wishing you all the best with Glover. I mean, if anybody deserves it, he's a sweetheart of a fucking guy, sweetheart of a fucking guy, sweetheart of a guy. You know, when you shake his hand, you can't even believe he's a fighter. I mean, that's how sweet he is until you look at his

fucking ears. He has this weird warmth. And you know, it's funny because I've been reading now, you know, Chuck says he's going to knock out whatever and then John Jones answered back, you know, whatever took whatever his name is. I miss that motherfucker fighting. Do you know that? I miss Chuck. I fucking miss him. My favorite has always been Anderson Silva, but a tight second has always been Chuck Liddell. He's the reason why I went to Campo Carati. I love Chuck Liddell. I love everything. And I, you know, I would see him for years. I would never say a fucking word to him. Never, never. And then one time him and I got put in a weird predicament and I just told him how I felt. And now he always says, hello, I always told him that I had your poster on my fucking wall

for a few months, cocksucker. And he looked at me and giggled. And I miss Chuck Liddell. So hopefully he'll be at the fight too, jumping up and down. I'll see you, man. I'll see Machita there. Hopefully all the boys are there, my friend. Yeah, actually Machita, Machita actually taken off to Brazil. He had to go, he had to go do, there's a Arnold trade show out there for supplements out in Rio. So he has to go out there and make an appearance for his supplement company sponsor. Jesus fucking Christ. No Machita in Baltimore. Now I don't feel safe no more. You know what I'm saying? As long as Machita was dead, I know black people won't fuck with me because black people love karate. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, black people love karate. So they love you fucking

walk around with Machita black people like, whoa, don't fuck with that motherfucker. I love you. I'll see you Thursday night. We'll get I'll call you as soon as I hit the hotel. All right. Thank you for calling in, brother. Good luck this Saturday. I love you. Hey, man, take care. I love you guys too. There you go. Fucking great guy, man. Very lucky to have him. And it's true, man. Sometimes if you hang out with people like that, you get little things from them, like in the sense of you can't lose when you hang out with people like that. When you have people like that around you, I've called a thousand times and asked them for advice, even like Hollywood advice, because management is management.

You know, it's it's it's it's what you care. You care the extra mile. So he's I've called him and he doesn't know the answer. He's calling me two days later with a fucking answer. You know, he's probably had a contact as attorney, paid 200 dollars pocket, but he's done me the favor. So I have the utmost respect for a good manager. Him and his partner are fucking great. And I wish I like John Jones. I like John Jones on a personal. I love him. I mean, I'm not saying nothing bad about him. I think this is going to be a great fight. I think everybody should fucking watch it. That's how I feel about you. A million miles in a year. That's fucking miles. That's George Clooney type shit. Yeah, that's up in the air. Oh my god. Let me give some

shout outs real quick up in the air. All right. Go for it. Okay. Ivan B. I love you. Cocksucker. Shane plan B. Who loves you. Renee Dylan, Robert Bueno, Lance Armstrong, Jr. Gerardo Ramirez, Darren Jones, Edgar Lawyer, you cocksucker. So my favorite Puerto Rican Norberto. Happy birthday. Whatever the fuck it is in your life today. Also, I want to give a shout out to one of my favorite sponsors of all time on it on it.com. Go check out on it. You want to get healthy. Go check out on it. I'm going to give Lisa a mouth of brain today for his walks. Lee, you got to smoke some dope. I'm going to give you a joint. I'm going to get you a little joint. I want you to roll a joint. Okay. Take a light and take two hits like this.

And then put it on and then go for your walk. Okay. And you're going to call me and go, Joey, I love you. I just thought of 18 fucking things because between the sun's positive energies, you walking, making positive for yourself and the reefer, you can't lose. Bring some water with you. And every day you got your iPod, right? Got it. You got your phone, you got those juice jumping up and down. Oh yeah. They should motivate you. And then after a few four weeks of walking, you're going to walk four times a week this week. That should go. Okay. Four days. Yeah. One with Paula. I'm not seeing her this weekend. Sadly, when you get up, no more fucking Dennis. We got to go for 30 minute walk. Then we walk to Dennis. Okay. Get everybody involved. We make this a family.

Show them that show that you're walking and she'll tell you firstly, what's wrong with you? Then if she don't want to go, you go by yourself and they know that you're the man. Oh, it could be proud of me. She's going to fucking Lana Del Rey. And I said, have fun with your cousin. You're going where? She's going to the same concert, but in LA this time. I said, have fun with your cousin. She's going to stand out there for 12 hours. She's going to get there at 10 in the morning. That poor girl. She loves it. I couldn't do it. You're like, listen, cousin, I'll bring you water. That's what I said. I said, I'll pick you up afterwards for dinner. No, no, no. Just bring them water online. Get out of there. Bring them water. I got those two

hits. Access to get my head. Exhale and jump up and down. There's a fuck. What's the name of the chick she's going on? Lana Del Rey. Jesus. They're fucking crazy. Jesus. 12 hours. They're gonna stand outside. 12 fucking hours. All right. On it.com. Maybe you should give her some fucking alpha brain and maybe she won't stand online for 12 hours. I was like, I'm going to look at a year. She loves it. On it.com. Go over there. They got the shroom tech. They got the alpha brain. They got the strong bone. They got so many products. They got the digestive enzymes, the papaya to help you fucking digest proteins. They got the hemp horse protein. Just give on it a shot. Let it go into your life one fucking time. I guarantee you'll be hooked. They got a money back guarantee.

If you want me to sit here and break down the mushrooms and the amounts and the sodium, I got no fucking idea. What I do know is it works. Go to on it.com or go to joeydeas.net. Look at my fucking schedule. I added Vegas on there, July 18th with Steve Simone. Go to on it.com. Go to joeydeas.net. Look at the on it. What are you putting there? Church. You're 10% off. Look into that on it. Stay on it program. They mail them to your house directly on the first of every fucking month. You're gonna leave the house. You're gonna put up with that shit. It's like Dollar Shave Club. The best. Let me tell you something. I shaved yesterday morning with Dollar Shave Club again. And as I was doing it, I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking

Christ. This is smooth. And it's the weight. You know, when you buy a plastic one, you can't really control it. It's the weight of that handle that I fucking, it's like having a dumbbell. So the weight fucking shaves you so close, but that's not why you get everybody has a good razor. I'm not gonna lie to you. The RELCO, they all have a good razor. You know what the difference is? Dollar Shave from delivers into your fucking house. That's customer service. That's what we talk about. You either get the $1 program, the $6 program or the $9 program a month from nine to fucking for a year is what nine times 12, whatever the fuck it is, 12 times $1 is fucking $12 a year to shave. That's you're not paying. Time is of the essence. I'm 51. I don't

want to spend it in traffic. That's my fucking solution. Time is everything. Why not have to raise a delivery to your house? You want to go to some pharmacy and stand online? Fuck that shit. You got better shit to do. Go to fucking joeydayis.net. Go to the Dollar Shave Club box and press church. Boom. There you go. Church, CH, you are CH. You're gonna get the best raises on the market delivery to your fucking house. You're gonna have to leave the house. Hulu plus motherfuckers. Again, I got to go through this shit with you people. I got to go through this shit where you get 799 a month, 799 a fucking month, two weeks for free, not one week. Like when you go on the webpage, two weeks, gratis. I'm the fucking arm. Go to Hulu plus and press what? Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y.

You get the best fucking shows on there. You can binge watch. You can take the day off, get a big bag of weed and watch everything all in one day from fucking daily show to fucking family guys, family guy, everything you want. And Hulu plus with the emphasis on plus, motherfuckers. Also, the best, naturesbox.com. 50% off. 50 fucking percent off your first order. Let me tell you what gives you half off. Who gives you half off? Let me tell you what you order the first shot. Get the plantains, get the spicy fucking pistachios, get the black and white granola, make sure you get the cocoa almonds and get what else did you like? The bagel sticks. Boom. There you go. Go try that. If that ain't good, fucking you hit me up and I don't fuck with me

today how I'm feeling. naturesbox.com is also on joeydeers.net. What are you pressing the box, brother? Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y. 50% off your first order. And then if you want that stuff every month, nutritious, fucking delicious and yummy for your motherfucking tummy. You understand me? You show up with a bag of fucking pretzels at somebody's house. You show up, you just take your dick out and get ready for some yum, yum juice. That's how we do it. Break your hand one day. I don't give a fuck. NailedItLife.com for all your vapor pen needs. You understand me? Mention the church, Joey Dears, whatever, get 10. Don't let you get on. 20% off. It makes the fucking vapor pen go to fucking $40. If you see gummies or monos that are fucking weed stuff, do yourself a favor and hail that

motherfucker. It's the best 250 milligram gummy out there for the fucking money. The green hornet is tremendous. The 70 milligram green hornet, I'll put it up against a lot of fucking things. I gotta tell you, I think the 200 milligrams of BPTs is what really fucking kills you with the green hornets. But NailedItLife.com, go to their webpage. These guys are my fucking brothers. You understand me? They're not in business to beat nobody and make a tremendous fucking pen. You put the wax in there or smoke the fucking vapor. Whatever the fuck you want to do, we got you covered right here in the church. What's happening now? Did you get you to talk to a Portuguese person more often? You're all fired up? I've been fired up. It's Wednesday. You know, Wednesday's I want people

to... Do you want a little more? Please. Monday, you could do whatever the fuck you want. You should be motivated on your own. By Wednesday, your positivity levels go down. You know, you got bad news, somebody fucked to you, somebody did this, somebody did that. So Wednesday and your next little extra push, that's what I'm here to give you. Who gives a fuck? You go out there the same way you went out there on Monday and let shit roll over your head. Let them know. You're going to knock their wiggle off and come on their fucking bald head if they fuck with you. That's how we do it here, Lisa, at the church. So you need to start wearing a hat now? You need to start wearing a hat now. I don't want to... You know, you never fucking rub

come on your head. The woman's come. No. They tap pussy and rub it on your head. That's better than that shit that grows here. Your finger banging chicken when it leaks onto your hand. That little juicy massage on your hand and your little bald spot there. In a week, you'll look like fucking Michael Jackson. You'll have hair coming off from every orifice. You understand me? What are you looking around for? I'm not looking around. What do you got going on today? What are you doing today? Got to fucking go home and deal with his packing and stuff now and then I got a charge for seven. You don't have to pack today because you ain't moving right now. So you're going for a walk first. Oh, yeah. Let's put the immediate in the front. You don't... You're not leaving for a week. Even

if you get an appointment a week. So relax. The first thing you got to do is go home, have a nice little fucking breakfast, a little protein shake or something. The juice, yeah. The juice and then go for a nice little half 20 minute walk, 30 minute walk. Clear my mind a little bit. Clear your mind a little bit and then you call the police and do what you got to do. You're playing crime stopper, you make your fucking statement. Tell them you ain't paying for shit that you didn't hit the car. It's your word against his. Yeah. Did you see him do it? No. Then who the fuck are you? You know, I don't hit nobody. Officer, you want to check my police record? Here's my social security. Do a background check. I'm not in for this shit. I'm not paying and I'm not fucking gonna file a claim

of my insurance company. Fuck him. Fuck him and stick to your guns, Lee. Yeah. Don't take shit from nobody, Lee. I don't give a fuck. You're right. You're right, Lee. It's not like you're a piece of shit like me or nothing. You're a nice American Jewish fucking kid. God damn right. Okay. You pay your taxes. You never rob nobody. They've never done nothing to nobody. You stick up for yourself. You didn't hit this motherfucker. Look me in the eye. I did. Then fuck them all. Fuck them all in the ass. Tell all state to suck your dick to send a president of the United States to give you a check for insulting you. I do have to call the post office because they lost my fucking tax check. It's fucking sitting in Baltimore for some reason. So I gotta call them today too. Where's the address?

It's in fucking San Francisco. I'll end up in Baltimore. I don't know. Well, thank God I got tracking on it. Well, cancel the check and send another one. Move on with your fucking life. Remember, if you stop the check, you're gonna redo it in 30 days because they can still bang it. That's why I don't want to do that. I was gonna call them and see if they're gonna send it back or something. And that's it. That's all I got. I've always fucked you in the ass. Oh, for people who are out, since I'm moving, I have one more week of shirts and then I'm gonna stop it for a little bit. So if you want one, go to leeside.com. If not, I'll bring them back in like a few weeks once I move. Get it together. You can't stop them. You gotta keep mail them. So forget that shit.

You can't shut down. I have to shut down. There's no shutting down. I saw that last night. You can't shut down. You can't just shut down for a week. Gotta keep moving. But I don't want to leave these people hanging. You're not gonna leave them hanging. You're gonna mail them. You don't have nothing to do in the daytime week. You have so much fucking time. So much fucking time in your day. Yeah. What are you talking about? Not really. Why? What do you do? You leave here at 8.30. You got till 10 o'clock tonight to do something. Well, how long do you think it's gonna take you to take a walk, call it? You're done by lunchtime. No. Yeah. I got a lot of shit to do. What are you going to do? We're looking in offices. I got a call. We're not looking at all. I'm gonna go look

at one more office. That's it. You gotta go for a walk. What else? Put the priorities. Okay. Well, I'm going for a walk. Right. Calling insurance in the cops. The cops. I have to call the police. I'm looking at tonight. Right. Yeah. And I got, I hear fucking Josh move at seven. That's 12. So yeah. You got seven hours to kill. You got seven hours to sit there. While I'm moving, I don't want to leave these people hanging. You're not gonna move. You're not gonna, it's only taking one day to move. You gotta bed in the fucking tent. One day. You got two hours in your day to me. Don't ever shut nothing down. You're in operation. Do businesses shut down because they're gonna move? No. Yes, they do. No, they don't. They've moved. They fucking shut down

for a little bit. No, they don't. They keep fucking going. They keep, they keep the hope alive. You just can't stop because you're moving. You think you got this busy day, but most of your day, you're sitting on that fucking bed on the computer. I know this. Well, yeah, but you gotta know that those days are done with. You're gonna move all fucking day from now on, dog. Those days are done with. This is all part of the new fucking league. This is all part of the new league. You give yourself a lot of time to relax, Lee. A lot of time to relax. There's too much. Well, it's not relaxing at all. You're single. You don't see your girl from the daytime. You don't have a cat. You don't have a dog. You ain't that fucking busy. You gotta get on it.

That's it with the fucking stories. No more in bed throwing fucking M&M's up in the air. It's gonna be nice. And eat them like a fucking thing. I know you. You're gonna keep selling shirts. You gotta keep moving forward. You're gonna fill your days from now on. No more sitting at a fucking house. You're 25 years old. I have 25. I didn't have a fucking house. I didn't even watch TV at 25. I didn't even know what baseball was. I don't know when the 20s. Somebody told me the twins won the World Series. I don't fucking know when the twins won the World Series. You're 25. There's no more TV in your life. Do the computing. What you gotta work. It's over. Boston Red Sox. Don't put money in your pocket near this fucking half these fucking mook shows you watch.

You sit there all day like a fucking mook. You're gonna keep selling shirts. You're gonna keep digging and you're gonna keep walking. This is the new league. You lived a certain way till you're 25. Now the next 25. I live like a fucking savage. Enough is enough. You're a young man. And this goes for all you young motherfuckers out there with your PlayStation and your bullshit. If you're not getting your dick sucked at 25 at 25, I didn't even know what a fucking couch was or a bed. And I wish I wish in my heart I was trying to be funny when you dumb motherfuckers. I really wish in my heart I was trying to be funny. I slept three hours a fucking day and that's when I wasn't doing blow. Do you understand when I was doing blow? There was no sleep. What is this

that you're tired that you don't feel good? I don't even get you high in the morning no more. You want to go home and sleep because you stayed up all night like a fucking mook worrying about a car you didn't do. You didn't do nothing. Well it's fun. Go home, take a walk. It takes three years to get that off of your thing. Take a shower or take a walk. You didn't do nothing. So it's what three years are you worried about? Knock it off. You didn't do nothing. I know. It's your word against them. You call the cops. You go I didn't hit this guy and I'm not paying. Make that in your fucking report. Then you call all state and you go look I don't know what this fucking guy's talking about. I got the proof right here. As a matter of fact I'm feeling dizzy from this because I'm

Jewish. I don't like being accused. My fucking my culture has been accused for fucking 2000 years. You know what? I'm getting dizzy. I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go to the hospital because I think I'm having a heart attack and then you're gonna sue for fucking damages because this caused you to have a heart attack and to get dizzy. I don't know how to be a Jew. If you're gonna be a Jew why don't you start getting notices from the hospital bill that you fucking had a fainted and you're getting flashbacks of Vietnam. He's gonna tell you I think I don't think Lee fucking hit me with the car. I thought it was some other fucking Jew walking around. That's it Lee. These last 25 years you lived them this way and now you're gonna live like a fucking savage. All right

we're going into the Jew army. That's it. We're gonna make the Jew army. Lee's gonna have his own film festival. The church of what's happened now film festival. Oh yeah that's great. We're planning some stuff for January. Fucking submissions, comedy shows, comedy and live panel fucking podcasts. We don't get invited to do nothing. We're gonna make our own motherfucking festivals and we're doing a fucking tour across New Jersey. We're gonna start in northern New Jersey. We're gonna do a podcast on a Wednesday night in middle New Jersey and in the weekend we're gonna just go to different fucking bars. We're gonna post it on Twitter where we're at at five o'clock. You got three hours to get there bitches. That's how we're doing in 2000 the end of 2014. So your

day's arresting there's no more rest. I'm not resting. There's no more resting. Who's who's resting? You sleep when you're dead. Well get a little bit of sleep. You're gonna be a fucking soldier Lee. I'm putting you into a lean, mean, slinging dick machine. You understand me? You're a Jew. You're a fucking Jew. You're not some fucking Anglo walking around confused. You're a Jew. Thank God for that. You got people that did things. Your cousins with Moses. You know you got your people did things. Whatever your people fucking did things. They parted rivers. They slung dick. They got they tried to stop the Jew. You imagine that that somebody tried to stop the Jew at one point and you're tired. I'm tired. I don't feel good. I'm out of my bed. Think of those Jews in

those fucking caves with those for wigs on with tattoos on their hand. You think they didn't want to fucking get the fuck out of there. When I wake up in the morning I think about my sister. I think about my cousins in Cuba. Those fucking little black kids who flies out of in Africa. How they don't have the opportunity to go do a podcast. I don't have half the opportunities we got. We complain about everything as fucking Americans. We complain about put the anthem on. That's it. It's time for a fucking anthem. That's it. I'm pissed off cock suckers. It's that time when you guys get me fired up. You think when I wake up in the fucking morning yeah I think about how many dicks my mom sucked to leave their fucking country.

I think about put the fucking music on. There you go. Wake up cock suckers. It's over. When I wake up in the morning I think about the drama my mother put up with and my father. How much shit they put up in Cuba and how many dicks my mother sucked to leave that fucking country to get me here. You're a Jew Lee. If you're Irish, Italian, Polish, if you're a chink whatever the fuck you are. Get up. You're an American now. I don't give a fuck what you were. It's what you are motherfuckers. You know what your parents did to fucking get you here and you're waking up playing pay station. You want to go to some community college with momos. You want to go to vote tech. I don't give a fuck if you're English. Think of what your ancestors did. Think about what they

did and then think about what you're gonna do. You're gonna grab your cock. You're gonna eat some Chinese food. You're gonna get up and you're gonna go out there and stab a motherfucker because that's what it means to be an American. Getting out there every day and doing it no matter what the fucking outcome is. Who gives a fuck? They kick in the head. You eat a roast beef sandwich and you get back out there and do it again and again the next fucking day cock suckers until somebody says you're the motherfucking man. You're an American. Have a great week. This is me the fuck off. Are we done? We're done. Okay. Oh my god. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. You'll get high quality videos on your door

each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Go to dollarshaveclub.com support slash church or go to joeydeus.net and then click on the dollarshaveclub banner. The show is also sponsored by naturebox.com. Order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks murder in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like french toast granola. Support this podcasting at 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com and use promo code joey naturebox.com promo code joey and again thank you. Hold on I'm not disrespecting if you're Hindu or Arab. You're an American today cock sucker. Get it together too. I didn't mention you guys. No one will leave anybody out. And now that life.com for all your oil and wax smokers out there.

Gotta go there for the premier favorite brand on the market. Save 20% off. When you mentioned joey Diaz, this was crazy. Put the music on while you're pissing me off. What's with the questions? We ain't fucking around today baby. Have a great weekend. We love you with all our hearts. Shit this is bad for the moment. God damn. Oh shit. The motherfucking Rolling Stones coming at you motherfuckers. It's It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away

It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away It's time to shine away, it's time to shine away Let's go show off, and this is how it is Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey It's just a shower It's just a shower It's just a shower It's just a shower It's just a shower

I'm taking love Sister It's just a kiss It's just a kiss It's just a kiss It's just a kiss It's the word, it's the word