Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #172 | ALI SIDDIQ | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, June 15th.... Today we caught up with the great, ALI SIDDIQ! Check Out his New Special "DOMINO EFFECT" on YouTube Now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsKDNZQhVX0&t=14s This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped, CBD Lion & Lucy.co.…. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code DIAZ at https://manscaped.com Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Manscaped #CBDLion #AliSiddiq The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Let's get this motherfucking party started, Jack. What it is, you bad motherfuckers. Wednesday the 15th. We're at the halfway part of the fucking month already. Where did it go? We were just in AC the third and the fucking fourth. Anyway, it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. I think tomorrow night I'll be down at Uncle Vinny's.

If they let me go down there on a Thursday, you know, like I said, I'm doing my little fucking Thursday sets to keep this fucking shit alive. I'm a little fucked up today. I just hit the vapor pen and it hit me a little hard. I haven't gotten high all day. So I hit the vapor pen just as a pass through and it fucking zacked me in my feet there. Sometimes these vapors are getting a lot stronger than what they were making them a long time ago. I mean, I don't really fuck with the vapors that much.

ABX sends me some fucking vape cartridges and the other car. The live resonance and I don't really smoke them a lot. In fact, I lost my live resonant thing. I've lost both of them. I had two of them. I fixed them. I charged them. I take them out for a softball game or something.

I do this and then they pop up like a month later. I wash them, you know, who the fuck knows you get high. That's why I hated those double barrel shotguns when I was a kid, you know, to do coke. They were tremendous. It was a straw with two little things connected to the straw. You put it in the bag and did it, but then you sat on it. I'll not lay this. So it all sucks.

All that shit sucks. I just stick to fucking joints and pipes. Today we're going to talk to Ali Sadiq, a friend of mine out of Houston. Great comic doing a great fucking job. And I watched this guy listen as a fucking comic. I have my favorites. You know, I like my Bill Burs. I like my Rogans, but I watch a lot of young guys.

You know, I watch a lot of the guys guys that are coming up. You know, I really like Ali Sadiq. I like what he's doing. I really like what Josh Wolf has been doing since the pandemic. These guys, you know, Ryan Sickler became a regular at the store since the pandemic. I'm just doing fucking great things. You know, it's great to see Rachel Woodson. You know, it's great to see Carmen Morales with a special.

It's great to see Fluffy fucking sell out two nights at Dodger Stadium. You know, I follow all these things, guys. You might not think I do, but these are my friends. And these are people that I watch work hard and break their fucking humps. And I see them getting little success and it fucking makes my dick hard. These guys that, you know, when I lived in LA, the big thing was the special. It's so weird as individuals. When we get caught up on something like for years, it was the store.

I would talk to young comics and move to LA and they would go. My, my dream goal is to be at the store, but they would chomp out the bit so much over the store, the store, the store that they were missing the big picture guys. We were missing the big picture. It's not about the store. It's about getting on stage. The store is going to be there forever. The improv is going to be there forever. And the laugh factor is going to be there forever.

But a lot of guys would come to LA and if they didn't get into the store, it was a big fucking sick. It was a big like failure. It's not a failure. You were there at the wrong time, you know, and that's what a lot of things in life. And then it became the, the Netflix special and the special, you know, HBO was giving them to older guys. Netflix opened up this streaming service and they blew up people like Ali Wong and Tom Segura and Dane Cook and Bill Burr. It helps solidify them as standups. And that was great, but not everybody was getting them.

You know, how would you feel if fucking all your friends had specials and a guy like Bobby Lee that's been on mad TV fucking store regular since fucking Jesus left Chicago with me. I mean, Bobby Lee has done everything. Couldn't get an ethnic special. So you get Bobby Lee's experience and he's a great comic. So he wouldn't chomp at the bit. Like, I'm not, I'm not getting a Netflix special. But people actually do. But what's happened over the years are this comics like Shane Gillis, you know, Jimmy Florentine, Ari shot his specialist last week.

Guys, those specials are getting shot and they're going up on YouTube. And you got to applaud those guys. You don't look at them any less. You don't say, well, Netflix didn't give him a special. He's not a funny comic. No, you don't know the politics of what's going on. He might be with an agent that Netflix don't like. There's a thousand things that are going on that you don't know about.

So when somebody puts a special up on YouTube for free, that's a fucking gift that, you know, you watch it, you support it. They have a button now on YouTube that you could vote, you donate money, throw a 10 out of them. It cost them 100 grand to set all the cameras up and to get people and editing and all that shit. You know, these guys, you got to applaud them because they're not waiting on somebody to fucking choose them. Oh my God, we love what you bring. No, I ain't bringing nothing to your network. You know what I'm doing? I'm going to tape it myself.

I'm going to own it myself. And I'm going to fucking put it on YouTube or any other platform that will leave it on there for free. I don't even care about money. That's what a comic sends that message. He's telling you that he don't give a fuck. He just wants you to laugh while the other comics are sitting there going, well, Netflix only offered me a quarter of a million dollars boo-hoo. And then you got other comics like, hey, man, I just want to get my fucking material out there. Hey, Larson, there's been so many comics that have done that and I applaud them.

You know, and I got to be honest with you. YouTube, everybody's got YouTube. What's the, what's the fucking stigmata? Everybody's got YouTube. So fuck it. I told young comics for years. Listen, not right away, but when you get the ball going, if you put up a 10 minute clip, a six minute clip every 10 weeks, let's just say a six minute clip every 10 weeks.

Can you imagine what you're going to have at the end of five years on your page? People sit at work all day. People working from home. What do you think they're doing? What do you think they're doing? Oh my God, I got to get this deadline. They do a little bit and they throw on a Bill Burr special. They do a little bit and they throw on a Yamanica special.

They do a little bit. They throw on a Rogan podcast. They do a little bit. They throw on a different, who the fuck knows, but not everybody's giving on it percent. You know, as a telemarketer, you know, when people always pick up the phone, you don't call people at six o'clock at night when they're at home. You call them at work because they're getting paid. They'll fucking do anything when they're at work to throw them off work. And that's where you're special.

That's where you're skit. That's where your podcast. That's whatever you're trying to put out is going to get viewed. When I got into comedy, our views were from eight to 11. If we didn't book a recurring show or we didn't book a, it wasn't our show. We didn't get a guest star on a show. You would never see us. That's not the case anymore.

You could wake up at six in the morning, eat a fucking bowl of great golden grams, smoke a joint and watch skits all fucking day now. That's, that's available to you. Stand up, whatever the fuck you into podcast. So do me a favor. When you see these guys support them, you know, Jimmy Florentine. All these guys that are shooting their specials and putting them up, I give them all the love in the world because the message they're sending is they ain't waiting on anybody. They ain't waiting on somebody to judge their funniness, whether they're funny or not, whether using them will get Chris Rock to do one because they have the same, you know what I'm saying? Like a lot of guys are top heavy.

So they have a guy like Mike and they'll go, listen, if you give Mike a special, I'm sure I'll talk to fucking Dane Cook about a special. And, you know, make sure and then the people give Mike a special. People sit there going, how did Mike get a special? Well, he's got a great fucking manager and a great agent. So there's a thousand reasons why don't judge these comics for it. And then we got Alisa Deek. Alisa Deek and I have, I love Alisa Deek more than a lot of other comics because we both share a fucking distinction of getting sidetracked with a little time in the state pen. You know, now you could be ashamed of that.

Or you could take that and run with it. Sort of like what I did. I was ashamed of it. I wasn't raised to be a fucking criminal. I enjoy it. I like stealing and snorting coke and, you know, but it's not what you could fucking do forever. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. But when you do a, when you do a stint in prison, your world gets turned around and you're told that you never mount anything.

And if you ever told you weren't a mount anything, that stint in prison solidifies it. So it's tough to get yourself out of that. It's tough to get yourself out of a hole of being a felon. Never mind when you haven't told yourself that you're not a felon. So I always have a softer spot in my heart for guys that have been in jail and that have turned their life around like I did. It's not about the comedy. It's not about the story telling. It's not about my wife.

It's that I turned my life around and I'm very proud of that. And now without further ado, my main man, Mr. Ali Sadiq. And listen, we're going straight into ads after this. So enjoy Ali Sadiq and we'll see you motherfuckers Monday. Tip Top Magoo Jack. Love you. Stay black. What's up, G-Money?

What's good, my brother? Welcome to the motherfucking joint on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. What's happening, baby? And getting ready for life is all I can say all day. Just getting ready for life. What's been going on over there in Houston? Talk to me. I'm on the radio every day.

So I'm trapped in a bowl of Radio Kids Road. Radio Kids Road. I don't even know. If somebody asked me, a nuclear explosion happened in Houston. I wouldn't know about it unless they told me on the radio. What radio are you on? What station are you down there? Magic 102.

KBXX. World 2.1. Every morning? Afternoon drive. Fucking good. That's pretty good. A little hustle there. Better than a podcast.

You spend the oldies? Yeah. From anywhere from the late 80s to mid, let me say mid 2000s. All right. Ever since the fucking pandemic came on, I'm gonna tell you who I got into big time. Like I didn't know how strong they were. The Temptations.

Oh. The Temptations. Very, very strong. That's the strong. Strong. Strong. Man. Musically fucking, you know, Motown,

people talk about all the bands that Motown produced, but they never talk about, like when you hear Diana Ross, you know, keep me hanging on that fucking guitar. Wherever that brother is. Man. That little constant, little fucking. I mean, it's just people had no idea the power of fucking Motown. You have to watch the documentary that they have on Motown.

I saw it. About the brothers, the whatever brothers. It's been a chill time for a few years. With Quincy Jones. Yes. Him and Smokey Robertson. And man, like Marvin Gaye was such a tremendous part of the Motown sound. Him and Smokey Robertson.

Man. That was, that was phenomenal. I could only imagine. When you hear even the first two as people gonna fucking hate this, when you listen to the first Jackson five albums, musically, they're fucking phenomenal those albums, you know, like the in-house band they had could do it all. They could do fucking anything.

And they can do it because the Jackson's can actually play. I mean, I want to go see Tito one time. Just Tito by himself. Man, Tito is a bad bass player. That's a bad dude, man. Man. Tito Jackson by himself. And he looked royal at the time.

Like, man, this is royalty. Like Tito Jackson. Insane. But back to the temptations and I hate to say something like this. They had equal or the same power as Led Zeppelin. Oh, my God. Their fucking music runs deep. Their albums are fucking phenomenal.

David Ruffin, Eddie Kendricks, just David Ruffin's voice has always blown me the fuck away. Every time that movie is on VH1, I watch it. And I know 20 motherfuckers that watch it from Dean Delray. That's one of Dean Delray's favorite fucking movies. We talk about it all the time. The Temptation movie is fucking phenomenal. Five hours on VH1.

Every black actor that's ever fucking performed, the Williams and a couple of them. But everybody you see ran through that fucking. They had so many brothers in that temptation. Fucking great band. So it's great that you're playing that there's a serious. There's a thing called Soltown. Yes.

Let me tell you something about the host of Soltown. That motherfucker has so much knowledge. That brother has so much. I've heard him talk about fucking Led Zeppelin on Soltown. Man, Soltown from... First of all, Aston Radio is incredible. From 46 to 50. That mind just in between it.

When Soltown comes on, I think it's 46 to 47. 46 to 47. And I'm a studio 54 dude too. I'll play that shit every once in a while. They go off on studio. Not a lot. They play that stupid shit, but every Sunday night, if you catch like Jelly Bean or one of those DJs,

they go fucking off on there. And the podcast they have on studio 54, they got some gay motherfuckers that come on there, Miley Shearer and the other one Sundays at four o'clock. If you want to hear some... And listen, the first 10 minutes, it's either on or off. Like so you'll know. Like if they got like, this is a door man from studio 54

the night's magical Vaseline was flying through the air. Them crazy motherfuckers. I'm telling you, you got to listen to those podcasts. Ali, you will go, what the fuck? Well, these white people doing the studio 54. This is fucking crazy. They was bananas. They was bananas at that time.

I watched the documentary. I was like cocaine in events. Like really. You just blowing cocaine in the club. Just wow, like, uh-huh. On the tables, getting your dick sucked in the woman's bathroom, sex in the woman's bathroom. I went once time to studio 54.

I walked into the woman's bathroom with 200 men snorting cocaine. These people who are pissed off about the tranny bathrooms and shit. One of my son goes into a bathroom. Oh, bitch, how many men's... How many opposite fucking gender's bathrooms did you go into snort cocaine in the 80s? Now you want to get mad at some boy with a skirt on and shit? What the fuck is going on with these motherfuckers?

How many bathrooms I snort cocaine? It's funny. Did you catch that Lakers show on HBO Max? Yes, the winning game. The winning game. Fucking tremendous. I knew you loved it. But I was thinking about you one night

because they were talking about David Thompson. Remember like episode eight? Like we got to figure out how to cover Thompson. The Knicks figured out they took that motherfucker to studio 54 and gave him a bag of coke. He fell down the stairs. That motherfucker wasn't able to play against the Knicks. That 48 inch vertical leap was no good.

That motherfucker fell down the stairs of studio. Do you know he tried to sue studio 54? He said... Old Wikipedia David Thompson. That motherfucker fell down with a bag of coke at studio down the flight of stairs. And then he tried to sue studio and shit. But by that time the Knicks won,

they didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. So, you know, that must have been what the Rockets did. One year they was playing the Lakers and they wanted to win a game. But I don't know what they did. James Worthy is not playing. Nobody knows what James Worthy is. James Worthy is in the Harris County jail.

He got caught in the room with some prostitutes. And they arrested James Worthy. James Worthy comes to the game in the third quarter and like the goddamn Rockets up for 23 points. That pussy was good. That shit still didn't work. The rest of them still came out third quarter and final rock in the start.

Man, what's up? How's the comedy treating you, my brother? What's been going on in the world since the pandemic? Man, since the pandemic, I recorded a couple of albums. I did an Iowa on our epics and then I recorded an Iowa special. And man, just been on the road.

The pandemic is still being down a little bit, but other than that, I've just been on the road, man, just trying to put out a good product and trying to do the best shows and swap stories with my friends and living the life, the life of a comic. Living comfortable. I admire you, man, because since the pandemic started,

you have become the king of Houston and shit. Moses Malone passed. You said, I'm taking that motherfucking torch and I see you at the improv doing your games, you know, doing your fucking shows and your residency there. And I know you called me one time to come down and do a show with you.

I wasn't a proper mindset, but it's really fucking great to see you, Josh Wolf. I've seen a lot of people that have taken to this pandemic and it made them grow as a comic. I'm a fucking old man. I don't give a fuck, you know, I'm doing my spots here and there,

but it's good to see you young guys just picking up where you left off. Hey, they don't want to give me a special. I shoot my own motherfucking special. I was looking through your stuff. You got a couple of albums on there. You got a couple of things that you're doing. This is called what? No whole grudges?

I hold grudges or whatever. This is the domino thing. Okay, because there's two of them and one came out 22 hours ago. I don't know. I came out three days ago. Of course, Dave Chappelle motherfucker, you got 10 special.

Yeah, man. So the domino effect is, I released it on May 19th. It's, we had a million, a million plus now views. It's a great, I think it's a really good piece of work. It's just my life story between the ages of 10 to 15.

So I have 16 to 19 to go before I got busted. So I'm just putting these stories in order and just trying to be the best storyteller that I could be trying to get up there with you and Colin and Cosby. You know, y'all the best at what y'all do. So I'm just trying to be in the running.

It's crazy how much storytelling has taken over our lives since we did Ari's show because the response was so fucking positive from Ari's show. I tell Ari all the time, I don't need a fucking special. Ari gave me the best specials I could do.

That was the best work I ever did those storytelling shows. It all sucked. Storytelling for me was Ari brought that up at the right time and if anybody benefited from that, the most is you and I. We really found our motherfucking niche

which is, it's very rough to find in comedy sometimes. I started out as Rodney Dangerfield. I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you, I was a cross between Rodney and Andrew and over the years, you find that extra muscle you have by performing, by going out there.

You think you're gonna be good at the armbar, but you're really good at the comorra. So it's like, I gotta throw jiu-jitsu into it because it's so weird. We keep working on this type of comedy and also this other type of comedy creeps up and we're really good at that type of comedy. So now we gotta figure out all three worlds

and that's what you and I have done. You're doing a phenomenal job, brother. And it's really, it inspires me and it makes me believe that what my original belief was for this podcast and for the word I was trying to spread with the podcast. People give up, man. People give up in their lives

for some reason or another. I never gave up. I don't know if it was going to prison. I don't know if, I think that my whole life was about me overshadowing that person that went to prison because deep down inside, I am very ashamed of that. If you know how I was raised

and what I was raised to do or to be, it wasn't to end up in fucking jail. And I know your mother did a good job and that wasn't her plan with you. So we ended up there, we made a mistake and now, I mean, I see it with you. You're a great young man. You're a fucking, you're an icon

to the African-American community because what you bring, you did not lay down. You did not let them tell you how your life was going to be run, that you're going to be a nobody. They told me, too, we're going to be nobodies. They tried to make a sign of paperwork to give our lives away to disability

because they said that we're disabled because we're felons. People aren't going to look at us the same. This is a great thing that we've done. And whenever I feel down, which I did for a year, I always thought of that. I thought of that. Fuck the comedy, fuck anything else.

That's what I did after getting locked up. And I was, dog, I was on my way to end up in prison again. This just became stronger than my desire to go back to prison. And that's what I see with you. You're never getting locked up again. You're never getting the ticket again.

You're never hitting somebody in the head with a hammer again. Because, you know, you've seen the other side. You learn to control. I mean, you ain't going to let them step up on you, but you're not going to go out of your way to end up in jail no more because you love prison. I mean, you love comedy.

You love your children. I'm fucking ecstatic about this radio show you're doing. I'm going to have to call in and shit and spit the motherfucking, spit some fucking, you know, I love all that funky shit. So, man, it's always a pleasure, man. You could, you know, we,

we, some of those individuals that came out with some of the worst situations and changed without all of the, without the fanfare of changing, you know, some people change, they have to do it because they're in front of people. But when you, when you self-motivated to change your life and be in a better position,

because, because you are one of those who will not just love what you're doing. You love yourself. You love yourself a lot more, you know, and at times I was very self-discructive in so many ways when I was out doing things and allowing people to puppeteer me with pushing my buttons, you know,

I got a trigger and like, man, I don't know. I'm not, I'm not Pinocchio. I don't have no Japano that just got me on this train or anytime, anytime you want me to get mad, I'm mad. I'm like, nah, I'm cool, man. So I appreciate that, man. That means a lot coming from somebody

out of the same disposition that we came from. It's the truth. Listen, I'm a minority, you're a minority. You have to add your statistics of what the percentage of failure is, what the percentage of, you know, people coming out from that. What are the odds?

When I see a black doctor, I go, how the fuck did he do it? You know what I'm saying? When I see a fucking, you know, because we were put into drugs, whatever drugs came into our lives, nobody made them do, nobody made us do anything. We made a mistake.

That's it. Like the people that are getting canceled today, they made a mistake and it wasn't for you to cancel them or to shut them down or for them to live in their house with the shades drawn for two years. You don't have that power to do that. A judge did that to you and me.

We had a decision to stay in, you know when you go in there, man, everybody's comparing colleges. I went to this jail, I went to this, and everybody's like excited, hey, but fuck that, I'll beat that jail. I went to jail in Harlem and all of a sudden, ah, and you're like, that's what life is.

I don't want to do a prison tour. My mother didn't fucking spit me out of her pussy for me to do a fucking prison tour or for me to fucking be on probation. She spit me out there to hit somebody in the head with a hammer if they disrespect me or something like that, but that wasn't what this plan was.

So I think all my life at last, since 1990, I've been fighting the stigma of being a fucking felon. And I put it on my sleeve. I'm not hiding it from anybody, I'm not ashamed of what I did. It's like a hitch in the army. It builds fucking character and I proved it.

And we proved what jail does for you if you let it take its course because what we did, they don't teach you in there. There's no class for what we did. You know, there's no class. They got classes for when you get out. This is how you do your checking account, bitch.

I didn't even have the checking account when I got out. I had never had over $22,000 in my ATM card. I had to call my wife every day, put a 20 in that motherfucker so I could smoke some weed. I don't even know what people are talking about. But that's, I see you on stage. I saw you that day

doing the Instagram live with Yamanica. I was fucking dying at the baseball field. You know, and I'm looking at you. With all the negative shit in the world, with all the black lives matter, with all the bullshit, fucking Ali is doing it. Ali is doing it.

He ain't walking around with a picture of Martin Luther King. He's just doing it. I don't mean to insult you anything like that. You're just doing it. You're just doing it for you, your family, and for fucking comedy. So, you're a fucking animal, brother. I'm trying to be the best,

the best me I can actually be. You know, everybody gonna do what they gonna do, man. And in this business, it's like swimming. I never thought that comedy was like swimming. In swimming, you just trying to beat the last time you swam this race. Like, hey, what was my last time?

Okay, this time I'm gonna try to beat that time by seconds. So, in comedy, I'm just trying to, I'm just racing myself. I'm just having fun, talking, and this the type of freedom that I set around and I dreamed about. Just having, doing what I actually want. Like, some people say they do,

what I want to do, but then, wait a minute, I gotta go to work. Like, you don't do what you want to do. Like, I actually do what I want to do. If I want to get up and go to Costa Rica, I'm going. If I want to sit up, if I want to sleep all day, I'm sleeping. And there's no consequence to it.

It's just, what better job, what better life, what better way to celebrate and release yourself from that prison thing. Like, every, I used to try to, I used to try to remember, so I wouldn't forget. Remember, so I wouldn't forget to make those mistakes. I don't have to do any of it no more. I'm just not in the mistake field position.

Why me with those, with those type of risks even come up anymore. I don't even have to think about, oh, remember prison until you're going to do this tonight. I'm like, what am I, what's going to happen? I'm like a white kid in the grocery store, man. I'm like, I do whatever I want to do. Just do what I want to do.

Hey, yo, I'm eating cookies. I'm not stealing what's happening, what's going on? On the other hand, I don't want people to watch this and say, well, I want to live my life like Ali. Well, I got to remind motherfuckers of this. Before you could live your life with that freedom, you got to put the work in to deserve that freedom. You were talking about comedies like swimming.

Let me tell you something. Life, every Monday, you got a second chance, as far as I'm concerned. You fucked up last week, you ate a cookie. You fucked up your diet. You did coke with that fucking blonde chick. You fucked up there. We all fucked up.

Mondays is a second chance to fucking do it all over again. I don't give a fuck if you got to fuck up 200 times. I was telling somebody something that with acupuncture, they used to always put a needle in my ear before I left. An addiction on this side, it's for addiction. And my job was to make that motherfucker fly out of my ear by snorting coke. I would just do lines of coke until the motherfucker just went,

hop, like a skyrocket, like a bottle rocket, shot out of my fucking ear. It didn't matter. I was still fucking sticking that thing in my ear every goddamn Tuesday. And eventually, one of those Tuesdays, it caught. I'm here, I'm not doing coke anymore. Because I had two prisons, brother. I had regular prison, and then I put my prison,

I put my life in the prison of addiction, which is worse than the prison of fucking them putting four walls around you and telling you when you have to shower. The prison of addiction is a motherfucker, and a lot of people can't jump that fence. So once you beat, do those things, which you put upon, listen, nobody puts you in jail. When you go to jail, you meet 20 motherfuckers in lockdown

that didn't do anything. They haven't crossed the street. They said, I robbed the shop, right? I haven't been in shot. All right. Nobody ever does anything. But that's what I love, that every Monday as human beings, we got another shot.

No matter what happened last week, you got a whole new set of rules, a whole new set of priorities. You know what? I tried being gay last week. I don't want to do it. This week, I'm just going to be in training. You know, this week, I'm just going to put eyelashes on and scotch tape my dick to my blood sack and give it a shot.

But you're fucking pushing. You're making your life happen. And that's all that fucking matters, that people forgot. People have forgotten this shit. That's the analogy. That's the analogy. That's the analogy that you got last week. You wore a dress this week.

You duct tape your dick. Give it a shot. Because if you ain't somebody else, well, they're going to figure it out before you, motherfucker. It's like Don Moreira said, if you ain't practicing basketball, somebody else is. When you're a basketball player, that's your mentality. What time is it?

Two in the morning? Some motherfuckers dribbling their basement right now. I better get that basement right now. Somebody's doing shadow drills at two in the morning. Oh, my goodness. That's what you want. This time you just taping your Johnson to your leg. Hey, man.

Dug tape that motherfucker with some Kmart duct tape. Your dick ain't going nowhere, Jack. That Kmart duct tape. The shit the Cubans use on cars in Cuba. You can hit a fucking tank with your dick. Them Cubans, they do shit with duct tape. Hey, duct tape is the real gorilla glue. I think gorilla glue is melted down duct tape,

because whatever is on the inside of duct tape, my man, good luck. I got duct tape by some Colombians one time. Man, you know, that eyebrow. My eyebrow was never like that. This whole eyebrow came off. It looked like I had leukemia. Man, for years, man, I had one eye.

Man, it was crazy. They was wrong for that shit. Dog, I duct taped the dude one time. You wrong. That was it. You wrong. And it wasn't my idea. I was just seeing somebody last night.

It was in 93. I teamed up with a dude. He's dead now. God rest his soul. He's my brother. This dude believed in my comedy. This dude shot people, hit people with sticks, but then he drove me to my gigs

and he wanted me to be there on time. And he told me not to curse on stage. You want to be clean, bro. And then he fucking leave me and go get a grandma blow and come back. This guy was a savage. But when he's like, let's chase some fucking Dominicans up in Harlem.

This motherfucker just threw the coke out of the car and ran away. He just pulled it. We followed him for two days. What's not in Coke following this dude? And then we caught him. We duct taped him. We made sure the coke was coke.

And then we just left him there duct taped. He's probably in Cuba right now. He's probably in Columbia right now as we speak. Cutting that duck. Now he was Dominican. Long time ago. 93. Yo,

let me tell you the kind of thing that you ran with somebody who hits somebody with a stick. Do you know, I don't think people understand because you can be in the world of crime. A stick. To hit somebody with a stick. I hear people with axe handles.

I hear people with Louisville sluggers. I hear people with a small back. But to find a stick sturdy enough. To hit somebody with. And hit him. That's a bad. That's a real dude. And I didn't see it.

I didn't see him before. I didn't see somebody have a stick. And whooped a shit out of somebody with a stick. I'm like, God damn. That motherfucker broke it. I'm gonna tell you, it's who you move with a stick more than anybody. That was my mother.

My mother would turn that broom handle upside down and take the broom side off. One time she crashed a pool party because I didn't make my bed. She crashed a fucking pool party with a stick dog and started yelling in Spanish. And I'm in the pool with white kids. I'm yelling, who's this crazy Spanish woman?

Call 911. She's like 911 motherfucker. You're dead. She chased me with that stick. Hit me with it. She could fucking swing a broom handle. I must have got hit with 20 fucking broom handles in my day.

Little ones, big ones. Then she used the thing like fucking gladiate and poke me in the sides with it and fuck. Oh, yeah. My mom was no joke, guys. You know, these little pussies today have no idea. My mom used to gladiate me once a fucking month with that fucking, you know, she hit me with a crossword.

And then when you bent over, she'd be giving me the fucking gladiator. I forgot about the poke. Man, my mom used to poke me with that broom stick. I forgot about the jab. The fucking poke. You got the sandal. My mother was dimensional.

She was like an octopus. She could throw a sandal at you an ashtray. A fucking broom stick or a stab you. My mother, my mother was good. She was good. She had this little chop. If you get to the throat, like before, it's like it hauls you.

Like you be talking and you, and that's if you can get to whatever she going to actually get to. Like, man, my mother clipped me one time. I tried to run. You don't think your parents were going to clip you? My parents were going to clip me. She would have put out and clipped me. And I went and hit my shoulder, hit the chair.

We didn't have the throat punch. We had the mouth covered up. The fucking quick backhand. It's called the top awoka. It opens you up. She just gives you the backhand. It sounds like one of these but only reverse. You swallow the fucking oxygen.

You get all choked up and shit from the backhand. Mom's fucking hit. 70s and 80s moms were fucking swinging for the fences. Now that's why these kids are shooting fucking schools and they're fucking up because moms ain't hitting them in the head. You know, again, we spoke about it yesterday, how this Texas thing is a wake call for parents in every fucking dimension.

We got to start watching our kids a little bit fucking more. You know, they can't be fucking wearing skirts and shooting people. There's just a lot of signs. What are the signs of your kids going fucking retarded a lot? Because I was one of those retarded kids. I just never wanted to shoot the fucking school up. Yeah, that's the crazy part. I never wanted to shoot other kids.

I never wanted to hurt my friends for any fucking reason at all. Well, I heard other kids. I never understood that part. Because I never wanted to do it. Hey, I want to beat up Mr. Johnson. I hate this principle. And I hated them because I was doing shit. It's not like, guess who didn't hate them?

The mass majority of the school didn't hate them because they wasn't doing shit. And then the only people who hate you and hate school are people who are doing shit in school. That's not school shit. When I was involved in school stuff, I loved school. I loved school. I loved weed in school. So I loved it.

I loved going to school and selling some reefer couple hits of masculine shit. I saw school as dirty credits and fucking 200 a week. I went to school to eat and fucking smoke pot and see my friends and study. I loved it. But my daughter, I look at my daughter. She loves school. You know why? Because it's a little social fucking hour.

She loves going into that fucking school. I couldn't pay her to stay home from school. I'll tell us in time, fucking, I'll give you 50 bucks. Dad, I gotta go to school. And I was the same way. I mean, I went to school and played hooky. If I went to school and we saw a beer truck and we robbed that motherfucker, I was up there.

I didn't go to school. But I went to school for an excitement. I went to school for action. It was like anything could happen. It was like being on the Mickey Mouse Club on Wednesday. Anything could happen there. I'm going to school. Next thing you know, we had to get Pink Floyd tickets.

Next thing you know, we're going into the city to get tickets or going into the city to see a peep show. You know, sometimes in the eighth grade, you want to see some pussy. You can't be looking at those Playboys and Cherry Cherry and Pika Pika. You got to go in there and get, you got to go in there and see it for yourself and smell it. You know what I'm saying? Um, yeah. Yeah.

Who was that for me? Like I didn't know where it was going to take me, man. And then, and when I was a kid, I didn't want to hurt other kids. Our job wasn't even to hurt teachers. It was to fuck with them. Like in the fifth grade, they gave my teacher hit acid in his coffee. He never came back after lunch, you know, shit like that. That's harmless.

That motherfucker is okay today. He's probably old. You don't know if that man is okay. That man probably jumped off the Empire State Building. No, he came back to school next day and looked everybody suspiciously. I'm saying he always had a suspicious look on his face after that. Shit. Even when he taught history, he was like, well, it's suspicious.

Man, never drink that in this class again. He was like, oh, hell no. I'm not, no, no, man. That's what you do. That's fun. You steal the frogs from biology class. I used to take all the frogs and put them in a bag and the teacher was like, where's the frogs? I don't know.

They jumped out. I don't fucking know. Then we robbed the scales from the school because we started selling drugs. So you couldn't weigh a fucking nail in my school. We took every fucking triple beam there was. Every triple beam there was in North Bergen High. We stole one night and they came to my house the next day. Joey, give us back the scales.

We know it was you. Well, I sold five of them. All right. Give us back fucking six. Like keep an extra one, but don't do it again. Yeah, we just stole the scales. It was never a don't. We never got a don't do it again.

We got we was on trial. Like I didn't even do this. My man snatched a person. I was in the car. I didn't even know. And they came to the school. I don't even know how to even saw everybody in the car. Big question.

That's about a person as in and they, and they, I wasn't even guilty. And he was like, yo, it was like, I was a leper at the school. Like, like you are criminal. You have criminal behavior, criminal tendencies. Like, yo man, I was in the car. I didn't even know that man was snatching a purse. Like, well, I don't snatch purses. You corny.

It's corny. But they, it was no second chance. It's like, I was from that point on. I was like a troublemaker to them. I was like, no, I'm not. I was in the car with a light skin dude who was trying to prove that he was black by smashing the purge. That's not how you do it.

Like, what about marching? God damn it. We did that too. You go to the, no, I don't, I don't march my knee bad. I didn't march in high school. I didn't march. I didn't do none of that shit. Yeah.

Ain't no marching this way. He's like, nah, I should, I should have, I should have been on, I should have been more on the debate team. I would have been a good debater. I don't know what, I just wanted to go to school and get a fucking diploma. I didn't know what was going on. I ended up waiting at school on my senior year because my mom, I didn't have anybody around and I had to put my fucking skills to the test.

But it's fucking weird that we got this far. You know, if I had a high school diploma, I'd be dead, man. It don't, it don't sound like he went to school to get a diploma. The description that you gave and the diploma, like, you know, it's not like you're still in the front, still in the door, still in the children. No, that sounds like you want to graduate. It's all a part of the curriculum. You know what I'm saying?

When I grew up, it was all part of a curriculum. That's why we made up the way we did. The curriculum was a little deeper. You know, these kids don't do, you know, part of the curriculum was delivering newspapers, Ali. Part of the curriculum was helping your neighbors with groceries and shit for the small quarter. Half of the curriculum, there was a lot in that curriculum.

So there was a lot of good civics. And there was a yes. And there was a lot of, and that curriculum today is what children need because there's no children have no more social skills. They don't know how to do anything on their own. It's not, it's not like in your school, it was, it was class A. Get up here and show them how you communicate when someone owes you money. Yo, give me the fucking money.

And don't, and don't do it again. Now, now you see, you see how he did that? That's how life goes. Now you're going to have to hold people up. Yo, on this, on this day, we doing triple base. Anyone got one by chance? I do. As a matter of fact, I do remember belly to belly sales is the biggest

gift you could have. If you don't know how to sell, you're going to have a rough. So they don't teach kids that. That's what we learned by delivering papers, by upgrading people, by selling snow for people, by when it snowed, who the fuck we went and pushed people in cars and you made next to $20. You know, there was, listen, there was a lot of good, you know, again, I remember going to church and selling the fucking boosters so people could put in their

house and put in a window. I would sell it to them for a dollar and steal it back the next day. That teaches you how to hustle. That teaches you how to fucking, you know, you know, recycle. You know, when you play baseball on the street, you break a window. The people come out, you got to sit with. At first you run because you're a scared little fuck. But then your parents say you got to go back out there and talk to these people

and figure out a payment plan on how you got to pay back the window. These were all little parts of growing up that children are not seeing today. And this is why our children have the deficiencies they do. They do. My curriculum was a little fucked and fucked up. But it paid for itself years later. Hey, Mrs. Johnson, I have an apple for you. And go ahead and go ahead.

Does anyone see my apple? Why are you looking at me, bitch? I'm talking about getting you the apple. It's already, oh, it's fucking black. It's already gone. Oh, it's blaming me, bitch. It's already gone. But think about all this shit you learned by being bad that now you're

using a good way for your fucking comedy. Crazy. You use it. It's fucking crazy. So this is why I say sometimes you got to listen just to open up your mind to a child to open up your mind to anybody. The other day I wanted to tell Mike, my daughter played in the catcher called a foul ball.

My daughter looked at me and said, I didn't know you could do that. They just opened up their mind by opening up your mind a little bit. They'll teach them other things, you know, even if it is negative. Like, I used to fucking rob beer trucks. And one day on the way to school, we saw a beer truck pulled over and we robbed a beer truck. It was a case of myclobe nips. I got a case of myclobe nips.

Well, they happened to fit in the fucking locker. So I put it in the locker. Okay, so I did something bad. But then Mr. Lee at the time was like a vice principal. He came to me and he's like, open up your locker, the cops are here. And I go, ah, ah, ah, fucking. I learned business law. You need a warrant to get into that fucking locker, cock sucker.

And I broke it down to him and I sold him on it to the fact that I had done something bad but something good had come out of it because then I asserted my business law education and the motherfucker could not come in my locker and the cop even looked at me and he goes, he's got us here. You got to go to a judge and get a fucking warrant and start this from home. I became like law and order.

I was like law and order all of a sudden when I was a sophomore. So something bad led me to something good. Led you to test your knowledge. And I made my mother fucking point. Do you understand me that you got to get a warrant? Like Jay-Z said, you got to get a warrant if you want to go in this fucking, in this glove compartment. Did they leave a cop there and make everyone...

Fuck no. They fucking left me alone and that teacher didn't talk to me until five years later in 83 when I tried to bust into a bookie's house and the dog chased me and I ripped my hand open. Here's the scar right here. And I went to the high school and he goes, why are you bleeding? And I go because I got caught in a fence.

A dog was chasing me. And listen to this, this is only shit that you and I will ever judge in our lives. The guy was looking at me. We did not have a talk for five years. We didn't even look at each other. He opened up my hand and he goes, listen, you didn't get stitches. You're not going to have movement. He goes, but if I put a toilet roll and close your hand and do it, you'll be okay.

As he was doing it, he goes, somebody asked me the other day if I ever treated somebody I didn't like. I didn't know how to answer them and then you walked in. And do you know that we went from hating each other to fucking... I went to Colorado and I would call them every week and check up on Mr. Lee. I even sent flowers when he died. His wife even called me and said he was very fond of you. I said, yeah, the first five years of our lives

we fucking hated each other. But that's life. That's life, my man. The scar, man, the scars. I was thinking about doing a show. Just talking to people about how they got a certain scar. Like, you know, I know how I got this lit in my face. I know how I got it.

People were like, wow, that's the little scar there. That's very significant. That's the tip of a butcher knife. James Carlson slipped me in the face. I'm like, shit. I'm gonna fucking blend like a motherfucker. My goodness, right? If the whole thing would have called me, I'd have had it across the face.

But the tip of it called me. Right when I moved back. And I was like, whew. And people talk about how they got certain scars. I have a scar on my knee where it looked like a J. But remember the old curtain rods, they would connect and they would come loose and it was like this little handlebuck. That's not J at the end.

Yeah, how they connected. And my sister threw one and hit me in the leg. And it stuck in my leg and it left that J. It left that J if I got the leg. I was in a stupid. As far as that we have, brother, they tell a fucking sense. Like Russians have the tattoos to tell a story of their life. We don't need it.

We don't fucking need it. You robbed a bed truck and that's how you got this scar in your head. That was possibly the longest fight. Oh my God, it's terrible. It had to be how long was it Mike? 10 seconds that thing. It was like a drum roll and shit that came out of my ass. You didn't hear it.

I heard something. I thought you were moving the seat. No, that was my asshole moving the fucking seat. You understand me? That motherfucker was pushing the gauge. I'm surprised Mike didn't pass the fuck out here. That's a good fucking protein fuck. But anyway, the name of the specialist is what?

Because I'm about to pass out. That fart went straight up into the microphone. You should be getting in about 3.2 seconds. You should see a little cloud of smoke and shit. Like a little baby afro on G.I. Joe. It's just gonna go poof. Mike, are you okay, Mike? He's alright.

He's sitting down with an ice pack on his eyeball and shit. Oh my God, that was horrible. That protein powder. I don't know what the fuck they put in that shit. But sometimes you fart and you're like, why eat something healthy if my asshole's gonna smell like that? I might as well eat a white castle if my asshole's gonna smell like that. You eating fucking cheese and broccoli and apples

and what comes out of your ass is this green hornet mist. That's putting down Chinese people and shit. What's the name of the album that's coming out? Especially the Domino Effect. And when does that get released? It is out right now. It came out May 19. The album is coming out after this,

which is the next, right, what I think is June 19. Yeah, Father's Day, the album is coming out. And that's Apple? Yeah, I think that's my website. Yeah, it's just on my website. Okay, just D-sideeek.com? Yeah, alisteteek.com.

Because you know these streaming companies having the time right now with people suing them and they going through a lot. So you gotta try to figure out ways to release this shit yourself until they come back on. And then you license it out to them for a second. But man, it's rough. It's rough out there. It's rough right there.

But we making it. Hey, make sure y'all go check out the Domino Effect. It's on YouTube right now for free. Share, tell a friend, tell a friend, because you're gonna love it. I don't have even say if you like it because you're gonna love it. If you like storytelling, this is the ultimate. Check it out, man.

I sure appreciate you having me on, man. Ali, I always got you. I always got you because what you're doing is a beautiful thing. You're doing a lot more in comedy. You're giving brothers a chance to look at you and say, you know what, I'm gonna do that. And that's the biggest gift you could give to humanity, man. So I love you to death.

That's what this podcast is about. Letting these motherfuckers know that there's a second chance. And if you really want it, it's in your fucking favor. Don't they say it's a seller's market. It's a dog. 24 sevens is the beginning of time. It's all about you. And if you really want it, no matter what the fuck coat they want to put on you,

Ali Sadik is living fucking proof. A brother with fucking felonies and still slinging dick, like Moses Malone in 1980 when I went to see him. And he was fucking grabbing 32, 24 rebounds a game. You know what I'm saying? I always got to take it back to Moses. Five, four, four. He fucking swept those motherfuckers in 83.

That's what they're not going to tell you in winning with the Lakers and shit. Yeah, they beat the sixes, but sixes went and regrouped. And they came back with Moses and the promised land and that was it. Julius went off in 83. Yeah, every time he played against magic, magic will get hurt and shit is hamstring. He'd hold on to his face. Fuck you. Serving time, motherfucker.

I love you, Ali. And these guys will be looking out for your album release. Thank you, brother, very much. All right, I love you. Keep doing what you're doing, brother. Thank you. All right, I want to thank Ali Sadik. I want to thank big Mike for being here.

But most importantly, I want to thank you savages for always having my back. I want to join us brought to you by Lucy. Listen, Lucy gum is tremendous. The gum, the lozenges and the nicotine pouches. I love the pomegranate. It tastes fucking tremendous. And listen, we're all looking to quit or looking for an alternative to smoking. Lucy.co offers you that with their fine line of nicotine products.

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