Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #172 - Timmy Holloway, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk to Joey's friend Timmy Holloway about where they thought they would be 30 years ago as drug addicts and where they are now. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded live on 04/28/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands if it shows, anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to HuluPlus.com slash Joey, that's HuluPlus.com slash Joey. And by DollarShaveClub.com, get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com slash church, that's DollarShaveClub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner and thank you to escapepodtank.com. They have your full tank needs. You're already going to save thousands with them, but mention Joey Diaz, mention blowing your nose. You're

already going to save thousands and you're going to get $250 extra off. Wake up Cox out because this is going to be an interesting one. What is that? What is that? It's a fucking bad version. It's a what? I didn't check the version. This is what I'm fucking talking about here. Where's the fucking metallic? Oh shit. Oh shit. April 28th, Monday. The day the devil sucked a big black dick. Put that up. Let's do this shit. April 28th, wash your pussy, eat your meal. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Oh shit. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's your lucky motherfucking day. Whatever happened in the past is the past. Today you're going to fucking sharpen that sword and stick it in the motherfucker,

the whole school like a Puerto Rican. Oh. Are you fucking, grab your fucking balls, salute that goddamn flag. Let them know who the fuck the boss is, motherfuckers. Are you kidding me? As far as today's concern, the views of this show, we mean every fucking word. It's over. People always have disclaimers. We don't mean what we say. Go fuck yourself. Don't want to be doing a show for. Welcome to the church at what's happening now, where you, motherfucker, are the priests. You understand? What's going on, Lisa yet? You got me all fired up this morning. That's right. I ain't fucking around. I was telling

Lee about Jewish people. I see Jew fucking kids. It's true because all this racism, there ain't nobody racist here, but I see life for what the fuck it is. Okay, when I see a Jew. Yeah. Okay, like when I see an East Coast Jew that they're walking off timid, like walking, looking at the floor, they ain't making eye contact with nobody. And I see a Jew out here. I know a Jew out here is walking around thinking about what a beautiful day it is to be alive. And Jew in New York, when they get up in the morning, they got that acidic hat. It looks like Zorro. You know what they're thinking about? What are they thinking about? Stabbing a motherfucker. How they're going to take somebody's pennies today? Because they know pennies turn into dollars and

dollars turn into, and I was telling Lee the strength of the strength of the fucking Jewish person in this country. Why? You know, listen, man, every nationalist in this country has suffered. The blacks got brought from Africa to a place that they know the Cubans, the Jews, the Jews. Everybody's fucking suffered here. Let me tell you something. When it comes to the Jews, you think of their strength. You think, well, where's your strength come from as a human being? It comes from what you went through and what you get over. You know, when those Jews were in that fucking basement with no air conditioning on, with fucking tattoos on their arms with no head and saw their friends dying. Tell me that four of them didn't get together and say, when we get out of this

motherfucker, it's going to be a different world. We're going to teach our children that never again are they going to get fucked in the ass like we did. This is never going to happen again. You tell me. You tell me that that attitude, we've even discussed this. I think you and Ari, me and Ari discuss this, the sons of the Holocaust people, they were toughest fucking, they were tougher nails because the anger in their hearts was transferred. You know, what had happened to them? Don't tell me that that died because that's what you wake up for every morning. You wake up, you think of those fucking numbers that they put on my grandfather's arm. I got to go out there and stab a motherfucker because I'm mad because some guy is making me move because he dented my car.

Think of what your grandfather woke up with in the mornings with those tattoos and he saw those numbers on his wrist and those people yelling at him. So they got strength from somewhere. That's where you get your strength from, brother, is your fucking culture sometimes. Like me, I know my mother stabbed somebody for raping her little sister. It makes me fucking a savage. That's why she had an alias. That's why my mother had an alias where you get your strength. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about here, but I know it's going to be an interesting podcast because later on we're talking about the Sterling shit. But anyway, let's open up with some beautiful fucking. It's a beautiful day to be alive. I had a great time in Baltimore with a great fucking city.

Speaking of black people. Black people running shit in Baltimore. Donald Sterling would be dead by now if he made those remarks in Baltimore. They don't fuck around in Baltimore, man. They really don't. And it's a really interesting city. I was telling Rogan on the ride to the thing that when I first got into comedy, there was only two clubs that gave me love. There was the club, Joey's in Detroit. And this club in Baltimore, that was just a beat fucking hole. And it was like beat up black people and beat up white people. It was the refuge of the city that nobody wanted. And this guy would put me up, man, two weeks a month, you know, on the weekends and put me to a hotel. And I wasn't good at all. You know, I wasn't good. I was a little dirty and I was from

New York. So he liked me up front. But he gave me a lot of work. But I remember what Baltimore looked like. It looked like a bomb fucking. It hit it. And now it's, it's beautiful. Look, the downtown waterfront area, it's fucking beautiful. It really is. It really, really fucking is beautiful. I had a nice time. The people, the fucking show, you know, was 2000 people. And after we got out there and the line was from here. To fucking Lancashire. And we took pictures and we're there till midnight. And it's just very nice to be a part of something as a comedian. You know, Lee was saying that he saw the commercial for David Spade last night. And I was telling Lee

that, you know, listen, guys, I'm not the best fucking comic out there. But the last six weeks on the road, I've learned a lot about myself, you know, for a lot of Dale and Boston and New Jersey and the people that came to Grand Rapids. You know, guys, I feel like I'm on to something now, stand up wise especially. I paid my dues. And you know, I was telling Lee as a Jew, as a badass business Jew, as a businessman. There's not one Jew at Comedy Central, looks at the other and goes, come here for a second. And Diaz guy, everybody don't like him. He's a fucking fat slob or whatever the fuck they want to say. But this motherfucker is on to something. Why don't we give him a little something just in case. Let him do a special.

If it goes well, it goes well. If it doesn't, we write it off and say he's a bum. But at least we have him in our fucking catalog. You know what I am? That's business. Sometimes you let your feelings get ahead of what you really are. And I appreciate it that they don't want to do it. But David Spade, like I've said a thousand times, love the guy, love his TV shows. He hasn't said nothing that somebody hasn't written from funny and fucking 30 fucking years. And I'm not lying here to nobody. I'm not the play hate or whatever. There's a lot of people who ain't fucking funny on TV. Anyway, what the fuck are we going through with this shit? I mean, I fucking control on the podcast. What's up, baby? What'd you do all week and cut second? Look at apartments. I had the most,

I called you and I wish you were there. Like, thank you for making me walk. Just if I never, if I died tomorrow, that I was the happiest I was on Saturday. So where'd you go? Okay. So I went to go looking at an apartment and I had time in between another one. So I went and got some lunch and I decided to walk to the next apartment. It was like half a mile away. So I was walking and there were like a lot of homeless people and I figured out why. It's because of the grocery store nearby had a can delivery place. So they all they all hang out there. This woman was walking towards me. She looked me straight in the face. She said, did I see you yesterday? I said, no. She said, do you walk on the brayer? And that's in Hollywood

and I live in the valley. She said, I'm like, no, she's like, let me ask you something. I hear Warner Brothers is paying people to walk around and pretend they're Jewish. I said, what do you think about that? I'm like, no, she's like, I think that's true. I hear they don't really do anything that they pretend they're Jewish. I said, maybe and I walked away laughing for about 15 minutes. She did not know you were the flying Jew. She didn't know anything. No, nothing. And the funniest thing is most people get to not with not with this because my name is a flying Jew. But in life, people usually like are surprised when I say I'm Jewish. I don't know why that apparently I don't look like a Jew. I don't know what any either way. You got my nose.

But just the fact that she said, I hear Warner Brothers is paying people to pretend they're Jewish. It made me laugh for about 15 minutes. It never ends. It never ends. No. And I told you that I attract the funniest people. Sometimes when you're ringed up in this world, life gives you material. And if you said that on stage because of the conversations we have here, nobody would believe you. Really? Yeah, because come on, he calls you to flying Jew and some homeless lady comes up to you and says, are they paying people to act like Jews and Hollywood? Think about that. That's hysterical. Now you're starting to live the life of a comedian where you see life, you know, it just throws fucking apples at you sometimes. Like something happens that's hysterical. Oh,

God. And you're like, I'm here by myself. Like the time I was in Florida a couple weeks ago, and the guy yelled at the fucking, and all of a sudden the Hindu came out of the back and there ain't no fucking America's working here. And all of a sudden he looks and the Hindu comes out of the back. You can't write that shit. But when you're a comic and you have that mind, sometimes the universe throws certain things that you have had, things happen to me when I'm alone. That's when I wish I had the bloggy, but the bloggy wouldn't have caught it because I wasn't thinking that way. It's like when people show you videos of the other day, John Rao showed me a video of a fucking leopard attacking an alligator. Have you seen that shit? Grabbed him by the back, the leopard

swims real low. And he comes out, you tell yourself, who had the camera? Yeah, who had the fucking camera there? Like that's brilliant. Like that's the first thing I think about. Was that guy standing there? They leave it there overnight? You know, I mean, what, what the fuck? We're gonna have to get you. I don't know. I don't think it has this capability. But you know, have you heard of those Google glasses that they came out with? Yeah, we have to get you those. What's wrong with glasses? You see what the fuck just recording all the time. It's amazing. And I talk about this constantly people and I love you guys. And part of this podcast is supposed to be really fucking funny. I'm a comedian, but it turns into different things. And I see shit when I'm out that amazes the fuck

out of me. You know what the iPhone is made for to detract us. It is amazing that people get shot in public places, airports, and I see people never paying attention. Well, it's the worst at the airport. People you're not paying attention to life, man. You're in that thing too fucking much. When I sit down at a dinner table or something after I look around, after I got my seat facing the fucking door, because I'm watching everything that's going on, then I bring that fucking phone out. But until that time, I can't tolerate people looking at that fucking phone when life is going on around them, man. That's why I don't put all that shit on my fucking phone. Because I don't want to look at that right now. I'll look at it later. It's got nothing to do with me right now.

If somebody knocked, you know, it's the weirdest fucking thing, what the phone does to people. And with all the bad shit that happens, how people do not pay fucking attention to life is beyond me. Well, you should see people in the cities where people actually have to walk. People are walking in the signs and stuff because they walk with it down. Do you see the video? I think it was in Chicago of the people on the bus and some guy took out a gun and no one noticed. This is what you're talking about. You just got off the bus because no one noticed anything. He was all pissed off. He's like, freeze. And everybody's like, fuck. Yeah. And he just said, fuck it. Nobody's paying attention. Drop me off. I see that the park when I take my daughter.

Oh, okay. When I take my daughter to the park, I really fucking see how people act like they're on the phone. You're kidding. Listen, man, when it comes to a kid, it's a split second. What do people always say? I took my eye off him for one minute, all that one fucking minute. There's times I turn around, I look back and she's on top of the fucking ottoman, man. Oh God. She's halfway standing there and her foot is an inch away from the end and I'm looking at this going down. She's just happy. She's balancing herself. She takes one step. She's going down head fucking first. Yeah. I see it on the seesaw. She gets on the seesaw sometime, but I see it with parents. And you know what? I could see when you're single and you're walking

around, you're looking at that fucking retarded phone. When you got a fucking kid and shit and you've got to pay attention, you have to pay attention, man, to life. I'm telling you right now, it's the weirdest thing. The other day I was on Kofax making a left to go to the coffee shop from fucking Chandler. Okay. And you know, you wait there all fucking day for a green light to that left. Yeah. That's you. That's the right of way. Well, as I'm shooting some chick, I swear to God cuts in front of me and I look at her, I pull the fucking car next to her and I look at her and she's on the thing like driving, hitting the bottom, hit the sidewalk and I beat and she looks up and I go, what the fuck are you doing? You know what she does? She gives me the

thing and drives away because God forbid she said, I'm sorry. Yeah. God forbid that miserable cunt took the time. She was so indulged in whatever the fuck was that twit with her fucking range Rover, that fucking miserable fucking cunt. And I'm sorry about the language, but it's Monday morning. We got to drop it. You know what I'm saying? Fuck it. Nothing good happens unless you tell the truth on a fucking Monday. This dummy fucking, you know, was looking at the text and she looked at me and she, you know, and then she doesn't claim responsibility. I didn't accept it. Not even to say I'm fucking sorry. Right. You know, it's just the end of this shit. It's killing me though. Well, I read an article that was terrible. I don't remember the

city was in, but two years ago, these six, these three 16 year old kids were riding their bike and this, this mom was driving a minivan and in hit the kids that were driving, hit the kids biking, one of them died, one of them ended up in the hospital. And two years later, the mom is suing the kids family who died because the fact that she killed him is causing her mental things and she's saying he, they weren't biking for the rules of the road. And like the kids family is like freaking out. Like they're like, how could you, how could you do this to us two years later? People are, I mean, and then like a last week or something, there's this big article that this, this, uh, this little teenage girl hits someone biking and said, Oh, I don't really care. It was

just one of those rich girls and people are driving is fucking scary now. I don't fucking around when it comes to driving a petrified the fuck out of me. I drive on the offensive with my foot on that fucking gas, which means if you fuck around with me, I'll clock your fucking car. I don't give a fuck about Geico, the insurance companies. I drive on the fucking offensive, man. And I'm the defensive body offensive. I drive on the offensive defensive. That's a new fucking defense I put together there. Well, yeah, I mean, you have to. What are you looking at? I don't know. You have to do what? You have to drive on the offensive defense. That's right. That's right. Look at you. You bump into that guy's car 10 times a fucking day. I will murder.

How the fuck do you hit this point? I've never touched an asshole. And you know what the worst thing is? I'm pretty sure he's scraping the inside of my door now because I take pictures every day and there's more marks now. So he's fucking, he's doing something. So this is the juice about to be on fire. We got to flatten. There's one tire. Oh, no, trust me. I thought I thought about it. We got to fucking do something. So what's going on with Donald fucking sterile? Well, I mean, the funniest thing about this is everyone talking about this is our white people. But so first of all, before I say anything, he's a terrible racist. Like he's a bad everyone. They've said it for years that he's just like he's had to pay people off for doing this.

Like his old employees and the people who live in his apartment buildings. Everyone's known for years that he's a racist. This isn't like the first time. So everyone knows he's a racist. He said he said some pretty offensive things about black people. But when you think about it, all old white people at their home by themselves are going to say some pretty offensive things. This if I were a millionaire or billionaire, like an old man, I would listen to this and I would never get a 20 year old again. Because this woman secretly recorded him. I don't know how many times if you listen to the tape, she provoked him. She knew exactly what it'd be like if I came to you and said, what do you think about these of the Hindus working at 711 and recorded you? I know

what you're going to say. And then she stole $2 million from him. So I mean, he said some pretty terrible things. But what do you, everyone's a terrible thing at home. So I mean, it's just You know, Lee, I'm happy that you're 25 and you think about this. Nothing kills me the most when people act surprised. Like people are like, oh my God, I can't believe it's 2014 and somebody would think this way. I say a lot of crazy shit on this show. But everybody knows that, you know, I wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for black people. When I came from Cuba, they were my best friends and they gave me the gift of friendship. I never fucking forgot that. And the posters on my wall are Richard Pryor and Julia Serving and, you know, Denzel Washington is my favorite act. I mean,

you know, when you talk sometimes, you talk out of content, you talk to be funny, but everybody knows deep down inside, you know, I go to acupuncture. I've been in factuated with the Chinese way of life before because of my mother. My mother was a big Chinatown chick. She would go to Chinatown when I was a kid and buy different herbs and drink them for different ailments. And I saw what it did to her. She used to have this thing for malachina. It's this little fucking yellow thing in the container. It smells weird. You put this on any elbow or muscle or a knee and I believe in that shit. I'm just lazy to go down and do it. My first girl from was fucking Chinese, Irish. There hasn't been a woman that's Irish. If you're Irish and you're a woman and you got dirty feet,

you better fucking be careful because I'm all over you. Jewish, who are my best friends? You and Ari fucking Shafia. So do you understand me, people? I've always, well, I'm from in North Bergen, New Jersey. It's a beautiful place. You guys hear me say beautiful things about North Bergen, but they're racist motherfuckers. And I've always told other Spanish people, I lived there, Cuban kids, I've said, listen, man, this is North Bergen. It's great, but always remember at the end of the day, you're always a fucking speck. And as long as you know that going in, it makes your life a lot easier. You know, if the guy's known to being racist, whatever, I don't know what happened. I just read that she had Instagram pictures. You know how racist

could he be? She's black and he's banging her. She's black and Mexican. He's eating that fucking ass. She's sucking that dick. You know, one thing I don't, this chick, one thing that you bump into, the other day I went to the airport when I flew out of here and there was a woman that was a 12, but I wouldn't want to be five feet from her. And the guy she was with was a fucking loser, too. He was a fucking pussy, too. And this chick was one of these slash Asian black chicks that was tremendously hot, fake tits, tremendous rack, tremendous ass. But she even tried to get attention at the airport at six in the fucking morning. Like that's what she was doing. She was talking loud and, you know, on my first class tickets by the window, you know, so everybody

could fucking hear and it was just embarrassing for this chick. And you could see that she was desperate and she had no fucking talent. See, this chick, Kim Kardashian, see, 20 years ago, it was okay if you're a woman and you had no fucking talent in this fucking town, because people would do this. But now, you know, you hadn't, I'm sorry, I'm saying it the wrong fucking way. Now, because of Kim Kardashian, I'm not mad at it. I don't give a fuck about it. It makes no difference to me. You got these chicks parading around and they always find some old man to give them $2,000 or $3,000. And these chicks walk around like they're doing something special in their life. But meanwhile, they're sucking, at the end of the day, they're sucking some old dick

selling your soul. Yeah, have you seen pictures of this guy? Yeah, this guy was like Mickey Ruck, that the operation just went bad. So here's this chick, I still looked at the Instagram and she's a pig, you know, she's out there doing whatever, and he told me you could fuck black guys. Didn't he say anything? Yeah, you could suck that black yuck, yuck stick, whatever the fuck you want. You could do whatever the fuck you want. Just don't bring them to my fucking thing. If you go to a clipping game, it's all black people. Yeah. So what the fuck, you know, it's like, not everybody knows the guy is a rate, you just said it yourself, he's paid out before. Like apparently, like he's like, I forgot the guy's name, but a player a couple years ago,

said like the huge like he was his player on the court, the highest paid player. And he's saying, like, he's calling him the n-word and calling him stupid. And he's a fucking, it's like the, that fucking cook a few months ago, Paula Dean, who, who, who wanted to have slaves at her brother's wedding. You know what? It's, it's, it's a terrible thing. And you hope racism isn't there. And I think with each generation, we're getting a little bit less racist, but maybe it's always there. But I don't give a fuck. Listen, it's always there. It's all you have to assume it's fucking there. And I'm not going to sit here and play the racist stick that I have no opportunities. You make your own fucking tunas in this life. You'll never hear me say that. I didn't get this and that,

because I'm, you had bullshit. I've gone after it like a fucking Jew in the eat. You understand me? And if you're not going after it like that, then you, then those are the people that throw race. Oh my God, I'm racist. They don't hire racist people. Keep that fucking, if you're the best of what you do when you go in there, balls out, they don't give a fuck what color. If I know you can, if a corporation knows you can make them 80 fucking million dollars, how he knows you don't give a fuck what color they are. The only color he's concerned about is fucking green. There's a difference between being racist. I can't be racist. I could talk shit, because I'm trying to be funny. I'm a fucking moron, but I could never in my heart be racist.

I could never, never, never in my heart, because I know what these races have done for me when I got out of the fucking prison. Who tutored me? Who tutored me and gave me an education on economics I never knew about. Mohammed Zabeb. Mohammed Zabeb was his name. Mohammed Zabeb with sandals on. I used to laugh with this guy. This guy used to break bread with me at my house. I used to break bread with him at his house. I never ate hummus. It wasn't popular then. It wasn't cool for fucking Arab guy to bust out hummus. People say, put that away. It smells. But if you understand me, so all the shit I talk is bullshit. But you know what's coming, you know in my heart, is there's people that just genuinely don't give a fuck. And most people are those people.

I tell you what, I didn't like though. I looked at Snoop Dogg's thing. And Snoop Dogg was like, hey, to the president of the Lakers or whatever the fuck you, you chicken eat motherfucker, then you fight racism or racism. Because I know when 10 black guys are together, they say, look at that fucking pencil neck or whatever they call chicken neck or whatever that white motherfucker. And I don't get mad at that. I don't get that. That's a dog. That's what this, that's what the media wants. That's what they want. They want that little anger in you, that 20% anger. They want you to walk around. They're always trying to create this fucking thing. You don't hear about the doctor who saved the blind kid, but you always hear about the cop

who said the racist statement in Oklahoma. They always come up with the fucking video of him hitting the fucking black guy. You know, they want that tension there. I don't want that tension there in my life. And something like that, I pulled up to a black guy and I saw he had a Cadillac. And I pulled up next to him. And I said something like, yo, what's happening, baby boy? And he looked at me like, well, he's another planet. But then I said, how's the Cadillac run? How is this a new top 2014? And we started talking, you know, you always notice that when you're around black people, you sound a little blacker. You know, like a lot of people do they brother, you always throw like a slang or something at them. You know, one of my left there, I was like,

what the fuck is wrong with me? But he knew what my heart was. And that's the most important thing. When I watched 12 years of slave a couple of weeks ago, that played the first 45 minutes. I kept asking myself, what the fuck am I watching this? Well, this isn't what I believe in. This is not my belief. This is not even my fucking world. I couldn't exist in those worlds in those times. I couldn't exist. That was not that those centuries were not made for me. I couldn't do that to another human being. But that's just fucking me. You know, and then I watch it and I remember it's a movie and it's a story and I try to digest it. You know, when I watched Amistad and they were throwing the black people off the fucking ship, you know, they were doing

the same thing to Cubans in 79 who weren't paying. They were taking Cubans and on you. You know, we called Lisa, he says, going to pay you 20 grand, but we called him back one additional 20 grand and you go, fuck it, they throw you off the fucking boat. And he goes, see, try to develop that story now. But what happens when the country opens up that it's beautiful? You read about all the great stories about the guy who came with all his children and opened up a restaurant and they became a million and went back and got his kids. But you don't hear about all the people that got thrown off the fucking boats. You know, from all over this fucking world, we think the Cubans were the only ones blacks got

thrown off fucking boats out there. Listen, man, every race fucking suffered. And when you make a statement like that, I've said it a thousand times, it's where your fucking heart is. Last weekend on the podcast, I said, chank and nigger on one fucking podcast. I didn't feel bad about it at all because I knew what my heart was. The biggest fan in the world, my main man, Chung up there and fucking Baltimore showed up again. He knows what my heart is. You know what I'm saying? I love Chinese people. I love Korean people. I couldn't have that hatred in my heart even if I fucking tried. But it bothers me that people don't know the animal they're doing business with. You got to know the animal you're doing business with because then

this will happen. Always keep that in mind. This motherfucker thinks I'm a nigger anywhere at the fucking end of the day. I don't want people think I'm a criminal at the end of the day. What's the difference in prejudice? I'm a felon. You don't think there's people in the county business or in real life that, you know, he went to prison at one time. That's another word for me being fucking black. Felon black is the same fucking word. So that was the only interesting part to me is because they're saying that the clippers, the players in the culture have the right to be a free agent at the end of the season. What would you do if let's say the owner of a comedy club chain? I don't want to say any of them came out and had a tape like this and said,

I hate Cuban people. Would you work at that comedy club? I don't know. I don't know because I know what this is. Do you think these comedy clubs hire me because they like Joey Diaz? They hire me because the church is selling tickets and people come to see me. Exactly. I've been around for 20 years. I know what time it is with them and they know what time it is with me. If like I told, I was in Graham Rapids and I was telling the other comedians, I get off stage, do you think I'm the type of guy that goes up to the comics and say, when I said that joke, did you see the emotional, I don't give a fuck. Do you think my material is any good? I'm just telling you what's in my life. It's not brilliant fucking material.

And there's another comic that actually works harder and sits down and writes a fucking joke for you or whatever. I try to do that, but I can't. But what I'm talking about is from my heart and the people feel it's fucking real. What's my point, Lisa? My point is that fucking, you know, I'm not the best comic out there, but people know what my heart is. When people come to see me and I do the cocaine with the cat joke, they're like, he really gave his cat coke. Yeah, I was fucked up. I gave him a little fucking blast that I torch. No, I love the fucking cat. I suffer till I think about Finney. You know, this morning I woke up and I wake up on Monday. I wake up every fucking day.

The only one who's up in the house of the cats. Yeah. And it's I was telling you the other night that I have a little Siamese two girls, Lee, Wee Wee, Evie and Lulu. You know, and it's amazing how sweet they are. They're super bad sisters and they lost a brother, Demi, Jr. and DJ. They lost him. He died, right? But super bad lived and the two girls lived. And I have other cats and I've never had three sweeter cats in all my life. I don't know what those cats have been mine since day one. I've had them in the yard as they were little kittens. They played with me. I seen Lulu stand up to her father and I'm like, he's going to kill you. Lulu one day stood that cat thing where she got really skinny and hissed at him. He was a little

she was a little fucking shit. I love those cats. I saw those cats grow up. I remember going on vacation to Tennessee with my wife for three days and missing those cats and worrying about the cats calling home. Gee was my friend then upstairs, an African kid and his wife. She was Japanese and I paid him money to feed those kittens. I was so worried about him those three days because in the mornings, I'd be out. I'd get in the shower and run downstairs and say, DJ, DJ would come running out. He played with a ball with me and then super bad wouldn't talk to me. But the two girls would come close and that little chubby thing, Evie, that is my life. And when I wake up on Monday mornings, why wake up any morning? I've got to tell you,

man, I go to each of them and I pet them and I give them a hug as the coffee's getting ready. I feed them and I pick up. I tell my wife, I got 10 minutes of cleanup. Who ripped this down off the couch? Who spilled up a fucking head ball? Who fucking ripped the paper in half? Who knocked the garbage down? Like if you eat shrimp and you put the shells in the garbage every morning, I wake up to five minutes. But no matter how angry I am, sometimes I'm like, I don't get angry, but I'm like, what the fuck? You wake up to this shit. I pick them all up in the morning. It's like this morning, I picked up fucking for down. I picked them up so hard, he's like, get him. And I squeeze him and I kiss him. I tell him I love him. And I pick up Lulu and I picked

up Evie. And I said, Evie, you got to watch because when you put it down and you walk away from her, she swats at you because she gets mad that you're leaving. So you got to walk backwards on that bitch. And it's funny because those are the only two, like I came over and you saw, I mean, I'm cool with most of your cats now. Even Lulu, like the only two, like don't really mess with me. No, they don't mess with nobody. Lulu and Evie don't mess with nobody. They just, they're like her father. They're tough. You know, this morning, as I was feeding them, I looked up and Lulu had Harry by the fucking neck. She just bite him by the fucking neck. And he's like, what am I doing? And then I broke him up. Lulu, stop it. And when Harry went away,

I pedaled. You're a good fucking girl. That's the way to control that motherfucker. But that hugging those cats, man, I can't be racist. It puts me in the best mood in the fucking world. When I leave that house, you know, 530 and after I hugged them all, like as I was leaving, Demi jumped on top of my backpack because he wanted love. He was sleeping when I was giving out love. I went to pet him. He dropped like for me to pet my stomach. So I pet him. I got down. I kissed him. I told him I loved him. And it's, uh, when I do that in the mornings, man, my day fucking changes. Like no matter what, I wake up with bad thoughts in my mind, what I went through over the weekend, what I'm thinking about, you know, as soon as I do that in the morning. So listen, man,

to the coach, Don Sterling, I don't know what the fuck is in your heart and in your head and what you said, but you got to stay away from those scandalous fucking bitches. Those women are the worst. I mean, think of a woman who sells her soul. I look on IP every day and I look at my dick. It's the ugliest fucking thing. Sometimes, you know, when you pee, when you're 25 and you pee, when you're 50, it's a different pee. I peed you. That's what somebody farted in the fucking room. You understand me? The stink that comes out of your pee hole is fucking amazing when you're 50. Your piss smells. Oh my God. When I was a little kid, I used to have to clean my mother's the bathroom at the bar, men's bathroom. I would go in there and the pee smells so fucking bad.

It smells so fucking bad. As a young kid, I go in there and go, what the fuck? My pee don't smell like that. Well, guess what? Now it smells like that. Sometimes when it comes out of yellow, it's like a fart coming out of your dick hole. And that girl sucks that old dick. I'm 51. I can't imagine what my disgusting dick and my balls smell like. Well, he's just a terrible, like his, he's still married to his wife. His wife went to the game yesterday. Yeah. So if he's a terrible person, think about it. This guy is just a ball of fucking bad karma with his money, but it's so funny that this chick, she sold her so years ago. She sold the soul. I looked at her Instagram pictures of her and her Range Rover and her cars

and her life is banging and she probably pulls up at these places and she had a professional photographer take these pictures of her with a bear on and all this shit. Well, she probably wanted to be an actor. Do you hear her? Do you listen to the tape at all? No. It's like, she was like, oh, but we love each other and I'm black. I'm mixed. And what's, I can't, I can't live in this world that still has racism in it. It's, it's such overacting. But I mean, it doesn't even know what she's saying. She's just still regurgling on the fucking, on the fucking whatever that's in the sperm that she drank that morning. She's still great. Well, there's a gluten-free fucking sperm. I don't know what the fuck they're

talking about. Yeah, he's 75 fucking years old. That shit's gluten-free. He's got that old man sperm that'll knock your fucking wig off. What the fuck, Lee? Why are we talking about this shit? Who gives a shit? Where's my man Tony Bennett this morning? It's Monday morning. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, smile from the mirror, let these motherfuckers know you're dangerous. Yuh-huh. What's up, Lisa? Yeah, you bad motherfucker. No edible thing. I'm taking care of it because Wednesday I'm making your fucking hair grow in front of me. I don't want to hear a little live early morning. We're going for broke. It's the last day of the month. I'm giving you two days

to vitamin C yourself, go for a walk, get your energy up. I'll do whatever. I'm tying this table to your fucking back on fucking Wednesday, Cogsucker. It's going to be very interesting though. They think they're going to make him sell the team just as it started getting good. He's going to lose hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, you know what, man? The fixer's in. They were in the playoffs. He just destroyed the whole playoffs. Like that girl just destroyed the whole playoffs. They're broken. They're walking around and they're young, so they can't believe what happened. But they should have known. There's some people who know where they stand in life and there's some people who don't know what they're

standing like. Or they know where they stand in life. They just don't want to believe it. They just don't want to believe it, Lee. And it's a big shocker when it happens. It shouldn't shock you, man. You know, you said something interesting. If a comedy club owner was to say, listen, man, I know comedy club owners that hate fucking black people more than fucking Don Sterling, but they do black shows there. And you know what? The owners leave on those nights. They're not there. They don't give a fuck. And they make money. They make cash register for all the black people. Cash register with those sold nights and freedom Mondays and all that fucking shit. You know, and they don't give a fuck. You got to assume these motherfuckers. There's some people

who actually care for the human race. And they fucking yesterday I went to church, you know, with my little fucking girl. And at the end of church, I went, you know, you put them in daycare. My wife goes upstairs and I sit in daycare and watch them a little while. And there was the cutest little black girl in there. I just want to go over and hug her. And listen, man, it's not racism. But even at that age, they know this kid's different. There were six white kids in the room one black girl. She was innocent. She didn't know she doesn't know. But sometimes racism comes in the form of ignorance. It always is. It's just ignorance. You know, I would be ignorant of Jasper Williams didn't take my hand those days in Harlem. I would be very ignorant of Jasper Williams never

walked me up to his fucking building and ate with me like, I don't know, their family had no fucking money. My family had money. I remember going up there and taking out like a $10 bill when I was five and they're all looking at me like, what the fuck you got a $10 bill from? And I give them money and go buy sodas because that's what my mother taught me as a young man. When you go to somebody's house, even a fucking five, I knew that you went down and got the $10 worth of soda. I'm bringing, I remember bringing Pepsi up to their house and taking black people like Pepsi, you know, I like fucking Coke. But on Saturday nights, it would open their couches for me. We would dance and then they would look at me as being a spick or as being a fucking hunky or whatever. They were opening

their culture to me. And I never forgot that. I never, ever forgot that man. Never. I could think of all my little black friends growing up in Catholic school as a read over law and just all these little black kids that I, I don't know. I gave them extra love and attention. You know, I always liked the underdog. I believe in the underdog because I'm a fucking underdog, you know. But I think of those times, man, with that black family and what they did for me and what, how I can never think that way. And I can never think that way about, and I talk a lot of shit. Dog, I talk a lot of shit. I'm the first one to tell you, I talk shit just for the last times because the word Hindu is funny. You know, we said the word Hindu is fucking funny.

But man, you know, there's a kid who came, I met at the fucking weed store. I have Hindu friends, man. I don't give a fuck what they are at the end of the day. You know that, meanwhile, if you're my brother, we're brothers at the end. At the end, you need a gun, let's go get a gun and shoot these motherfuckers together because I know I get the same from you. You know what I'm saying? We got somebody. What's up, cocksucker? Yo, what's up little brother? It's me. What's happening? Hey, Joe, what's up? Why do you call me Joe after 30 fucking years? I told you about this already. It's either Coco or Diaz. Yeah, I know you don't like Coco.

Oh, no, I like Coco. I don't like Joe. I don't like that Joe shit. I don't like when people from old school, people that ate chicken cutlets at their house and fed me. I don't like when they call me fucking Joey. You're right. You people knew me as Coco. Where'd your father used to call me? Coco Loco, right? Yeah. What's up, baby? Nothing much, man. I'm just working like a fucking dog. You don't say working like the slave. Don't say that today, please. I got enough fucking problems with what's his name, the coach of the fucking, the owner of the fucking LA Clippers. What's up, Timmy? You know, I love you. We talk once a week. We've been friends for a long time. It's funny. Timmy always calls me and says, Hey, man, you know, I listened to the podcast and when

you were talking about being a kid on this block, I remember that or what happened to that guy. And it really inspires me, Timmy. It really does something to me. When one of the kids I grew up with, first of all, I still talk to you, you know, I was very tight with your brother, but I still talk to you a lot and that you like the show. You like what we're doing and the stories move you, you know? Yeah. Um, you know, I've been driving to talk for what is it since 84, 85. So what is that? It's almost like 30 years. And I've always been a big fan of talk radio, Stern, ONA. And now with the podcast, you know, I got tons of wrong on my phone, but you know, the regulars I listen to with you, Logan and Jim Flarr and King, I like, but listening to your show,

it's weird because you bring up names from the past. And people I haven't thought of in so long. And just like, kind of forgot about that. They'll be there even in my life, or I even met them. Like, literally, you're ready to talk about him before. I forgot about that guy. And then when I start thinking about him, I think about, I mean, hang out with the kid rabbit, you look like the guitarist from Cheap Check. Yeah. Remember that kid, he had the long blonde hair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see him. He's so around. So, you know, it's, it's, uh, it's weird and it's for me to call in and be on the show. It's really weird because I never wanted to call into like a talk show. I mean, I listened to like, this is 30 years to the talk radio, and I never wanted

to be a caller. So for me to call in and talk and hear myself on a radio is fucking crazy. You know, and to see you, you know, acting in movies with the Nero, you know, and the guy you've acted with, it's fucking growing in your way. I'm sorry. It's growing in your way because these are guys growing up. You know, you see, the Nero was in car, father told me, man, that movie's so great. And for you to be in his presence, I know he's just a regular guy that puts his pants on when they get, I know all that's up. Still, it's the Nero, man. You know, and, and for you to have that success and stuff like that, and you made it, you know, we never really fought that stuff when we were younger. It was crazy. It was just constantly getting high drugs

and laughing and all like, not since we did New York kids. It's, uh, tell me, it's, I still remember going to see 48 hours with your brother. You know, I remember seeing Nick Nolte what they had a store and just thinking about your brother, Ferney and Glenn Conte and the dead little went to going to see that movie and laughing our fucking asses off. You know, that, that's what it crazy to me that I went to see these guys with you guys. You know, I went to the movies with you guys and now I'm standing next to these guys. It's fucking crazy. And for me, I just laugh to me. I laugh because if they only knew, if they only, if people only fucking really knew, like this people listen to this podcast and still

probably go, you know, what the fuck, Joey, we like it. You don't, they don't know, Timmy. They don't know that, you know, I used to snorkeling under that rocket ship on 88 street field and you know, but that little rocket ship, I remember doing an eight ball and my nose was bleeding and crying because I didn't know when my life was going to change, you know, and, and it's amazing. Timmy, I'm not, uh, I'm not a millionaire. I'm not financially none of that shit, but you know that I'm rich in life. Like what happened here is a fucking once in a lifetime, especially the guys like us, man. It's, it's, um, it's, if you go ahead, no, no, I'm just thinking those Sunday dinners at your house with your grandmother. If I would have popped my head up at one of those

Sunday dinners and looked at all years and go, Hey, not for nothing. I'm happy you Irish and German motherfuckers fed me, but in 30 years, I'm going to move with the nerve. Your grandmother would have thrown a fucking can at me dog. She would have thrown shit at me. So to us, Timmy, this is fucking out of this world. Timmy, this is something that is unbelievable. I remember the time when the, the, the water broke in Jersey city and I took your brother down for the shore and he got burnt to death with a suntan member and we took him back and your grandmother was in the living room and your brother was fucking purple from the sun. He was purple. They kept putting that yellow ointment out of that. What's that pink shit? What's that pink shit, Timmy?

Oh my God. You know, Calamite, Calamite lotion, right? They kept putting Calamite lotion. So your grandmother, I get down there and I'm like, what's up, Roger? You coming? I ain't going nowhere. Look at you motherfuckers did to me yesterday. I'm all red. And the whole time he's yelling at us, your grandmother is at the dinner table drinking a beer, going like this, put Noxima on it. She kept saying, put Noxima on it. And your brother kept saying it and looking at your grandmother and then he kept looking back like, Coco, how am I going to go out tonight? And your grandmother kept saying, put Noxima on it. And he looked at your grandma, say Noxima one more fucking time. I dare you. And your father's like, Roger, relax. She keeps saying fucking Noxima. Put the Noxima on it.

Yeah, it was, it was, my brother was a whole different. We had, my brother is so much different now and not the same person. And, you know, Timmy, he couldn't be, Timmy, he couldn't be. We've had this conversation about your brother before. He could not be. We could not continue to do him, Glenn Conti and Ferney live in this other world now because I'm the only one that could believe what happened. I think, you know why? Because I put my mother in a casket of 15 and I believe that anything could fucking happen at any time in this life. Glenn Conti listens to Joel Osteen now. Can you believe that? My brother, Glenn Conti, who was in the car with us, who did blow and ran over hookers, you know, you got your brother.

Last time I saw your brother, I said to him, Hey, you still banging hookers? And he goes, No, now I let them jerk me off with their feet. Do you understand me? These are the guys, Ferney. I don't know what happened to him. But if people understood that year and a half, what us three did together, what us four did together, me, your brother and those two guys, you know, Timmy, this morning when I was thinking of calling you, I was sitting there drinking coffee one day and I had to tell you the truth. If somebody came to me today, some white guy with greasy hair and a suit and a fucking croissant, and he said to me, Coco, I got a deal for you. I'm going to give you one night with Ferney, Conti and Roger. You're going to meet at eight

o'clock. I'm going to give you all the blow, the quailudes, whatever the fuck you want. I'm going to give you a call. It's not going to get pulled over. But at the end of the night, you die. And you have to walk away from all this. I'd have to tell him to give me 24 hours because I have to think about it. That's how much I miss those guys and that camaraderie. Like it was two years. You know, you got to remember, Timmy, my mother had just died. If it wasn't for your brother and those guys and your family with the Noxema stories and all that shit, I wouldn't be here, man. I would have been an insane asylum. They really did. That's where I remember. My most memories with you were me,

you and guys sitting around his basement, remember behind the pile of laundry. You had the car climb over Ricky's very underwear. Oh my God. They had six feet of fucking laundry downstairs. And your brother used to go, I would go downstairs, but I had a high hurdle over the fucking clothing. It's weird. Do you look back on some of this stuff and it's not real? Do you feel like some of it's not real? It didn't happen. And then you think, I remember that it happened, but you get that weird feeling of like you didn't do, I don't know. I don't know if you feel the same way I do.

No, everything like the North Bergen was real. I was so fucked up, drugged up, and he had gone by with all the drugs and everything. Just being, I haven't had a drink since 2001, but I smoked a little leaf here and there. You know, I can't because of my job, but you just can't go back. You know what I mean? Growing up is tough. You know what I mean? To be a man and a father and all that stuff, not easy. It's really not easy, man, to be out there with responsibilities and stuff like that. No, no, no, no. Tell me it's not, but you know, we did it to the, we pushed, we pushed the drug to listen, man, I have a baby girl. I have a 16 month old baby girl.

It's over. It's over now. It's over, but listen to me. I had this opportunity once before and I don't fucking remember it. I don't remember it, Timmy. I don't remember changing diapers. You know, me and that little girl don't talk today and I don't blame her because I don't remember a lot of things because I put cocaine first. You know, and a lot of people do that in the beginning, then they try to get their life back. I got a second chance. Tim, I'm the second chance guy. You know, I keep getting fucking chances in life and I, you know, do the best I can with them, but I don't remember, you know, so I know that when you have a child right now,

I quit smoking two months ago. I don't know why. I don't know. I didn't want it in the house no more. I was sick and tired of having it in my lungs, but at the other hand, I want to look her in the face sometimes, you know, I want to, I want it to be real, you know, and Tim, what my point was what you brother before and those guys in the car is that I miss those times so much. It hurts. I miss those guys so much. It hurts and it's 30 years later. I miss those guys. I've been talking to Ferney's brother online, but I still haven't busted the question yet how your brother's doing because I don't know how he's going to react. You know, Ferney put a lot of his blame of his life on me and us. So yeah, yeah, he went down pretty hard. He disappeared for a while and and

then I said, I told you, I've seen him, I guess it must have been in the early 90s. He's working in Leo's old broken. And that restaurant is working as a cook in the back there. And then I don't know what happened to him after that. I haven't seen him. But yeah, Ferney was a good kid, man. He was quiet. You know, he was really good. I know him since when I moved up to 64th Street and when I think that was the fourth to fifth grade, and you were probably that's when you first moved into North Bergen. I moved to North Bergen in 73, but I didn't go out in North Bergen until like 75 was when I went to McKinley. Yeah, I remember you from the best war chords across the street from Balzano's house. I remember when I was a kid, seeing you down there, you know,

with the small boys and all them guys, you know, all the other guys, the bendies and all them guys, you guys were a couple of walks away from us. But yeah, it's all it's, it's, it's, it blows me away to hear, you know, the things that you talk about because it brings it back so vividly, you know what I mean? And it's, uh, sometimes I just, I have to stop the trucking there and I find myself, you know, like almost, you know, crying because I miss it too. But you know, what I went through to get off the drugs zone, it was, uh, it was, it was a living out. I had to go down to Florida for months and detox, lots of pills, this is how, and, you know, Roger was doing the same thing that we were in deep. And, you know, and still today, you know,

I have really bad back pains and driving this truck all day. And, you know, I struggle, man, I struggle with it. And, uh, you know, it's to be clean and sober and clear minded is one of the greatest things in the world. But for drug addicts like me and you, you know what I mean, we still save as the drug thing. Like I can say, we want to go back with it. If that's such an insane story, only a drug addict would think like that, you know what I mean? And that's, but that's the way I think. And that's where I feel too. You know, I would, if I wanted to go back, I always say to myself, I would still do drugs again, but I wouldn't get as bad. You know what I mean? Instead of saying to yourself, well, I'll never touch drugs again.

I say, I'd go back and follow up, but I would just take it easy with the drugs, which is insane talk. I'm a drug addict. I'll never take it. You know what I mean? So that's just, uh, it's ingrained in me. It's the way we grew up. It's our generation, you know, this generation coming up. I don't know my sons. Who knows what's going to happen, Joey? I don't know. It's a crazy world out there. I really don't know, man. You know, it's crazy because, uh, I stopped doing the coke and the pills, but the transfer addiction, I went over the reefer. I felt that was the, that was the way I was the safest was with reefer, you know? And when I say I would go back, I mean, I don't think I could ever do a line of coke again on a pill. I got ecstasy at the house. I got pills

at the house. I look at them, you know, once a week and go, what, like, when am I going to give this away? Uh, just to sit with them, just to sit with them and drive for an hour and, uh, talk about where our lives went and what happened. And you know, it would be great to see them. You know, when I go home, I always think of calling Roger, but I know deep down inside, me and Roger, best friends from afar, you know what I'm saying? I know that Roger would be uncomfortable if I went and tried to smother his private life. I know that Roger would feel very uncomfortable after three minutes. He'd have nowhere to go. He had our conversation, but I don't know where to go. And he's my brother and that's the way it is with us now. No, I know. I

listen to the most important thing. Yeah. The most important thing about life is knowing where you stand. If you don't know where you stand with your people and your friends, it's going to be a nightmare. And I love Roger the dead, but I would never call Roger and say, Hey, where's your address? I'm on my way because he would have a nervous breakdown. Talk to you for 10 minutes and then I'll call you later. And he's been doing that since he was a kid, but now at least 20 years or I go to eat with him. Remember when you go to eat with him, it was always fun. He would torture people while he was eating and whatever. He wouldn't even do that. Now I get them to loosen up. I could get them to loosen up, not to smoke pot, nothing like

that, but I could get them to laugh and to crack a racist joke or something. He was always good for something. But it's, it's really weird that in this day and age, Timmy, I still call you, you call me, we laugh. You'll say, Hey, you told that story the other day that was fucked up. You know, I forgot all about that. We grew up. Listen, man, I don't know what the fuck I am. I don't know. But I tell you one thing, we met a lot of interesting people growing up. I know I did. Yeah, yeah. And just in our fucking blocks, just, just, you know, I still remember what the most popular neighborhood for crazy people in our neighborhood was 64th Street Field. For a lot of people who know North Bergen or may not know North Bergen. There's like eight parks where kids

used to hang out. But the one that had the worst reputation was 64th Street Field. And every time you'd walk past it, you always had to be prepared. Like some kids are like, we're going to walk past it real quick and look straight. Don't look at them. Don't look at them. You know, but there was the rocks. I still remember one night, snorting coke at Randy Mergel's house until 530 in the morning and going, we got to go for a walk. Me, him, the Agostino, and we had to be there at seven in the morning at school. I used to go to school first period. I had CIE work study program. I'm a fucking junior and it's 530 in the morning again for your people at home. I'm a junior in high school. It's 530 in the morning with snorting coke at somebody's house. The first class at 730

this is why I'm fucked up. This is why this podcast is crazy. And I remember making a write on that corner by Lincoln School and walking down to the field and thinking I was just going to get there and seeing Corky and 20 other people on the rocks with their shirts on from going to work the day before. I thought I was doing something cool, but there was 20 other fucking people that were men that were already out still drinking for the night before. They hadn't even gone home after fucking work. All them guys were, that was Corky, the Worthington brothers, my wife's family, Dolling, Billy Dolling, Tommy Dolling, all them guys. Yeah, they were the next level up from us. You know, Randy, me, Randy, and the Thomas, Davey Thomas, Joey Thomas.

Davey Thomas who taught me how to go fagbagging. That's who went fagbagging first. He's the first guy to tie up some guy. He tied up the piano player from Lawrence Welk. He's the first guy ever to fucking cause damage on 64th Street Film. And these kids were fucking crazy. But these kids, nobody was rich, Timmy Holloway, correct or no correct. Nobody was rich, bro. There was a couple people that had money uptown, but besides that, everybody fought for themselves. And if anybody found that you had money, we'd try to take it. Like you could go out at night without you jack, we jack you for a 10 something. If we knew you had a 50 on you, we had to walk with a 10 with something. You know, I just, I could write a book about the two years I spent with Roger and

how many laughs I had and how many times, man, I wasn't sure about my life. But Roger made me laugh and it made me forget about, I remember the night that Glenn Conte beat that kid up and broke his jaw. And two nights later, I got a call from Roger. He's at, he's at, he's at Gregory's seven day weekend and he's going crazy. This is when your brother was definitely the funniest man in America. He still is. This is right around the time you pulled up with the car and you left the lights on, the blinkers on and he came out and he goes, Timmy, what's the circus coming to town? Turn the fucking blinkers up. I'll never forget that statement, but we were at Corkies. Yeah, yeah, he's uh, yeah, it's weird. I don't, I, I can hardly remember that far back, man. Some more, some more,

some more abuse to my brain. I, I, I know what you're talking about, but I can hardly remember it because I know it happened and it's there, but you can't close your eyes, Timmy, for one second. Close your fucking, oh no, he's not that, oh no, no, no, and look at me. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not the guy that used to call you and say, pick me up. We're going on a fucking ride, Timmy. Yeah. And you'd be naked in the back of my car. Oh, we wouldn't. I wouldn't, I wouldn't do that to nobody anymore, but it's so funny that uh, uh, Glen Conte had just broken that kid's jaw. I don't remember what the kid's name was and his jaw was wired up and he was at Corkies waiting for Glen Conte. There was a little bounty waiting for Glen Conte and your brother, the balls on your brother,

he walked right into the storm at eight o'clock. You know how people used to go out at 10 then? Not your brother. He went out at eight. He was going to get the jump on the night and he would call me up, coca-cola, where you at? I'm at, I'm at Corkies. Come on up. I just got a package. Come on up here. And I remember walking in and the Johnny Vest was working. Do you remember the bartender Johnny? They called him Johnny Vest, right? And your brother at that time was a professional bartender killer. Okay. If there was a bartender, your job, your brother's job was to torture him till the guy quit. He did it to the guy at the Micai. Remember he had that Chinese restaurant? He used to call the guy over and karate chop him. He used to pay a Chinese guy to let him karate

chop him. You walk into the Micai and he go watch this. Come here. The guy would walk over and the guy would put his neck down and Roger would go, ha! You can't write that shit. You can't write that shit. Roger would give him like a 10. Here's a 10. Let me karate chop you one time. So we're at this fucking Gregory seven day weekend. That was the name of the bar. And I walk in and they were all looking at me because I'm going. Conti's fighting. Glenn Conti broke this guy's jaw on a Monday night. It's Wednesday. Who goes out on a fucking Wednesday with an eight ball? I walk up and in those days your brother used to smash the ashtrays at the bar. You remember those black plastic ashtrays? Tell me he would bang them on the bar until they broke in half and the guy would

just keep breaking them and put new act. Why would you put a new ashtray up there? And he'd get carried away and pick up the ashtray and start banging. Johnny Vest, give me a double. Give this cocksucker a double too. Give the Cocoa Local. Get over here. And then he yell, Cocoa's in the house. Put your wallets in your front pocket. You know, you'd always say that. Remember? He would always say that. Wallets in front pockets. Wallets in front pockets. Cocoa Local. And all of a sudden he started hitting the ashtrays and the guy that had that broke that Glenn Conti had broken his jaw was wired up, sitting right next to Roger. And Roger is looking, but he's close to Roger. Like he's listening to Roger's conversation. And Roger's looking at me and he's fucking hitting the things

like Cocoa Local's in the house. Cocoa Local's in the house. And all of a sudden he's like, how are you doing, buddy? Now he hit your ass and go, how are you doing, buddy? And one of those, how are you doing, buddies? He looks over at this guy and the guy's looking at me and goes, what do you want? A jawbreaker? And he looks right back. He asked this motherfucker, what do you want? A jawbreaker? And he went right back to me, like he hadn't said nothing. And I just had to keep it fucking together and laugh my ass off, man. But Timmy, I'm happy that, you know, you always call the show and you stole my friend. And you got me lost last time on the way to Artie Lang. But you know, Timmy, after all these years

we're still fucking friends, brother. And I love you to all my heart. And I love that you're still in my life, man. I really, I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't in my life. And we have friends we talk about, we talk about my man Guy Tabasco. And you know, but we come from a street, you know, Timmy, and I'll tell you why I miss that time, because I don't have that no more. If I had that camaraderie right now, I'd be a different man out here. You know, if I had Daniel Rago still alive, I'd be, I'd have a different man, I'd be a different man, you know. He was, he was, he was very close to me just before we died. And I, I seen him and he was, he was, uh, I don't know why he wasn't himself. He was, he was, because he was married with a kid

and he didn't want to be there either. You know what I mean? But she was trying to, she was trying to tame him. No, no, she was, bro, a woman's job is to tame us. It's just at what time they walk into our life. I couldn't tame him. And he was like, no, no. He was destined for, for whatever, the way he went out. You know what I mean is, it's sad, but, uh, he was destined for something bad to happen to him. He was really wild, that kid. He was into stuff that none of us, well, I know you know more than I do, but, you know, I, it's, he was into some crazy shit. You know, it's funny, I have a picture of him on my wall and then I have a little thing that on Mondays, every Monday I put water out for the spirits and

I had a candle for him. In fact, on the way here, I think I lit the candle early. I didn't want the house to burn down. And, uh, I look at their pictures and I look at all of them, Darren, Dom, especially Al, Anthony Balzano, my mother, you know, I look at my friend's daughter, Emma, I have all their pictures out there and I think about them and, and those guys give me strength because they're not here, but I know they're watching over me. You know, I know that Darren watches over me and I know that, uh, Anthony Balzano, you know, I think about these guys, I keep these guys alive in my heart and it makes me strong. It makes me stronger than fucking death to keep these guys alive because it's all I have. You know, uh, I really, it's

so weird. I keep these memories alive because it keeps me moving forward. It reminds me who the fuck I, I never, ever wanted to forget who the fuck I was, man. Never. It gave me so much strength growing up with you guys. I never wanted to forget. So, uh, thank you for calling me and thank you for always digging the podcast and shit, brother. Yeah, it's a, it's a great, like I said before, I, uh, I know radio because I've been listening for years and like I said last week and that lady, you guys, you guys were, uh, getting loud and that lady knocked on the door. That was, that was just, that was great radio. I mean, I was laughing my, uh, my ass off all that happened and, uh, it's a really, it's a good show. It's a good producer. No, I know.

Fuck Lee. I love this. Fuck this. It keeps me engaged. You know what I mean? It, it, there's something about it that I love listening. I don't know. I don't know because I know all the stories and I know all the people, but it's, it is a good radio show and, uh, I hope you have continued to success me. I love you, brother. Now, uh, you know, I'm happy that you still contact me and we call each other and we fuck around and we giggle and we, you know, I like when you call me after a podcast and go, Hey man, when you were talking about that, the other day, I remember that situation. But, uh, you're my buddy and I'm happy that you called on a Monday and, uh, we'll talk soon,

my friend. Give my best to your family always. I love you too, brother. Love you brother. Stay blacker than black. That's the real deal, brother. That's, that's as real as it gets. What do you want? A jawbreaker? What do you want? A jawbreaker. And then he went right back to me like nothing happened. And the guy's face just turned, and that was, you know, it was amazing that, uh, you guys always send me emails and say, Hey man, you know, thank you. I was on Oxycons. I was on heroin. I lost 200 pounds. You guys send me all these fucking emails. You want to thank me and Lee, I got to tell you something. I want to thank you guys because since I've done this,

you keep me on my fucking toes. I've become a better standup. I become a better man. I become a better father. I become a better person all around because you guys keep me on my fucking toes, man. So when you guys come to the shows and give me a hug and you buy a stupid fucking mug or a patch, you let me know that the little world I believe in, it's still around. That there's good fucking people out there. There's people that fucked up and now we're scratching to come back on the meantime where we're fucking doing all the right things. We put our blinkers on, we make a left for a right. We pick up garbage. You pay our taxes. We take the garbage out. You know, these are the fucking things you got to do, man. It's not everybody thinks that you have to

do all these other things to be successful and it all starts with little fucking things, man. You know, the little things, being a better friend, torturing Lee, making me the medieval every day, making your friends walk, making your friends better. That's what Rogan did when he opened up the door for us, you know, for us to be better, man. He wanted me to be better and Hari to be better and Duncan and it happened. So now we're opening up the floodgates and the next one is you. You know, everybody has, you know, the other day I was talking to Lee how I went to get gas at five in the morning before I went to the airport and I saw a guy maybe 10 years younger than me, maybe 40 pumping gas outside smoking a cigarette. And as I was pumping the

gas, I saw he had two assistants in the truck, two young guys, you know, 18, 19. And they were just sitting there and they both had this look on their face like, what the fuck are we doing here? You know, and it's the same look I had on my face when I was that age, because you're like, what the fuck am I going to do? Is this my life? Is this my future? And you look at the guy that is driving the truck, your crew leader, and this guy is no fucking, you know, this guy is no Einstein. And you start looking at him thinking, is this going to be my life? And the guy gets back in the truck and tells you, if you work hard, you're going to be able to buy your own house. Look at me. I got a two bedroom flat. And, you know, and he's selling you

and you're looking at this guy like this guy is fucking delusional. But at the same time, he's very proud of what he's done. But we don't look at it that way. We look at it like the guy's a waste of time. This guy's been working hard for 20 years. And what does he have a fucking boat and a fucking house and he works six days a week? I could sell drugs. I could do this. We always think of the shortcut. I always took the shortcut. I'm not going to lie to nobody. I always thought I could do better than this guy, but I had to sell drugs or had to rob somebody, you know. And so we remember that feeling. I was telling Lee does a podcast about guys that are 25 and then what they go through. And that's I think that's the biggest fucking thing

is confusion and fear. And I didn't have it because of these guys. I never thought about it because of these guys. These guys were such an effect on me from Roger Holloway. I mean, he was fearless. I had two guys in my life that did not give a fuck about their surroundings. And they would let you know what was on their mind. And if you cross them, they would fucking fight you to the end. They was going to be a nightmare for you. And one was Roger Holloway, who was no tough guy. And the other one was Mike Ronnie. I learned from them so much. And this is why I didn't fracture all those years when I was young. I didn't have nothing. And I doubt myself because of the people I had around me. So I keep them close by because if

they helped me, then they keep me together now, even with a little conversation, a little fucking call. You know what I'm saying? So I'm very proud of that today. But I'm proud of you guys. Thank you for the love you give me and the respect and Lee. It's amazing. Lee can never be a racist. Every fucking city I go to, there's always the biggest blackest guy comes up to me and says, where's motherfucking Lee? It is amazing. I had three fucking doors. I had three black doors come up to me and Baltimore asking me about fucking Lee. Where's Lee at? Where's Lee at? People always ask me where Lee at. It's always big black burly motherfuckers. I love it. So you couldn't be racist, even if you wanted to be. Now, I mean, before Timmy called,

I was going to ask you the only time I ever thought about it. I'm not being racist, but I thought about with my last girlfriend. I thought about with Paula is like when you, when you're a kid growing up, you never imagine you always imagine a kid being white. Now Paula, my kids aren't going to be, if I have kids with Paula, they're not going to be white. I was, I'm interested in what like your wife thinks. Like cause your wife comes from Tennessee. I don't think she ever thought she was going to be having a kid with a Cuban guy. I don't think her family ever thought that. So I didn't, I'd be interested to, I don't think she's racist, but I can't imagine that's what she imagined. Love is love. Love is love, man. You know,

and sometimes I see a hot real Japanese white guy or something and I giggle and I go, love is love and love doesn't have color barriers. You know, and what the fuck are you going to do? Yeah. I was thinking about cause like all these white people are all up in arms. I can't believe Donald Sterling, but how many of them, if they brought a clipper home, like a black guy home with a white girl, how many of the dads would be like, I mean, it's, it, that's, that's the only part that annoys me as people, when I said earlier that I think with each generation, people are getting less racist. I actually think people are getting just more hiding it more. It's like more PC cause like, I know people from my hometown. If like, like the girl is like,

there's always like that one white girl who only dates black guys and it's just people talk about it. It's just the world we live in. Like I said, I talk a lot of shit, but I can never be racist just because of my, you know, my admiration for all the different races and what they have to bring to the table. What I took from them, what I took from them, what I took from them, you know, I took a lot from black humor, you know, I took a lot from, I take a lot, man. I read and I love so, but I also before something sad or something, I always think of a struggle, you know, because I had the same struggle, maybe in my heart, maybe, you know, I don't know. The only time I thought about racism was one time in Jersey, Mr. Fontana,

a gym teacher, two kids were talking in Spanish, Peter Jimenez and somebody else and he made them walk home because he told them this is America. And I remember how the kids reacted and me going home and telling my mother, my mother was like, you know what, I don't agree with him making the kids walk, but I agree with him for what he said. I understand where it's coming from. You can't be mad at him. He's trying to make you an American and make you better or something. So it's how we fucking perceive it. Was it the same gym teacher who Mr. Balzano had to come beat up? No, I was Mr. Tatoro and that was two incidents. And I gotta tell you something guys, those are the only two incidents I've had in my life. And that's why I don't let racism affect me. I don't let racism

bother me. When I see it, it bothers me. But what the fuck are you going to do? If you leave the house thinking that all these people you come in contact with are not racist, you got a big fucking surprise coming to you. You gotta assume that 50% of the people walking around with two-faced motherfuckers, two-faced motherfuckers, 50% and I'm being generous on that number. I'm talking about people who don't like you and don't smoke your weed. I was not raised to be that way. If I didn't like you, I had a problem with you, I stayed a fuck away from you. I don't hang out with you, he's having a party, you don't say nothing. He's got tons of money, let's go. You're like, why are they all fucking like Hindus? Who cares? He'll cover his feet. You won't see his toes,

he's got tons of money. No, I'm just saying, I'm just making a fucking example. That's how I was raised. If you don't like somebody or you don't like somebody's politics, you stay the fuck away from them. But in today's society, people don't give a fuck. People do not give a fuck. I really appreciate the Rogan show yesterday because there's Joey Dears fans and there's people that don't want to talk to me, the Rogan fans. They're too smart. Rogan has a section of fans, they're just too smart. They're too intelligent. They're too fucking smart. They think of everything. Well, he gave coke to the cat. He must be a felon. Like I said, people are prejudice of me because I'm a felon. When you're a felon, it's just another word for being black. That's why I tell people

to stay the fuck black because no matter what I do, I always have the stink of a felon on me. What do you think? I never went and did the paperwork to get the felony taken off. I'm gonna give a fuck because I can hide it, but it's in my walk. It's in my style. It's who the fuck I am. And I can either hide it and put it away like a shame. Like most people in this country do their shame to the mistakes they've made. I put it out there. So when I say something, you'll go, I know why he said that. I know why he means that. I know where he's coming from. So as far as I'm concerned, I ain't going no fucking clip of games either. Fuck him. Fuck him. I want to give out some fucking, what were you saying? You're just not going because it's too expensive. I don't give

a fuck. I don't even fucking like him, but now I don't like him even more. I want to give a shout out to my favorite fucking Chinaman, Chung Kennedy. Last name at Kennedy. I don't know how the fuck that happened. A bad fucking guineasonio. I love you, cocksucker. Jesse in Ontario, thank you for the love. Toxic. Get it together, cocksucker. Toxic is one guy that hit me up from MSNBC. He's one of the MSNBC guys. He was locked up. He came out. He had no money and I understood, so I sent him a letter and explained to him. The Teflon Jew. I always love your door. Diego Jordan, Ryan Gratsby, and Chris Irent. I love you, motherfuckers. You know, the church who it's napping on now, eating ass in 73. That's our new motto. You understand me? Some people have

a motto, 20 million burgers served. I don't give a fuck. I'm just making people fat. The church of what's happening now. Eating ass since 73. Oh, Joey, who's asked did you eat when you attend the girl upstairs? He vet Taurus. We used to wake up in the morning. She had hair on her pussy. I didn't. She let me smell it and lick it and shit. Not that I ate it the right way. I just looked at it and she had a bush on her fucking pussy. I loved it. You understand me? You gotta love that. I want to tell you something for you fucking people in Texas. I love Texas. I love everything that you stand for. I'm a fat fuck. I belong there. I can't wait to go so I could buy some clothes that fits. Yeah, because 2X in Texas is fucking huge. Oh, really? Oh, a 2X here. It's like a

fucking skinny person. That's how I get you. You buy a 2X in fucking Texas. See what it looks like? Looks like a fucking blanket. A 4X in Texas is like fucking the size of this building. It's amazing when you buy clothes in fucking Texas. It's completely fucking bigger. All those numbers they give you at Sears and Walmart. Those are for European fucking fat people. You understand me? They ain't got fluoride in their system. That shit down in fucking Texas. You're gonna see the clothes they have for fat people. Because when you're fat and you go to fucking big and tall, all those stores and you travel, they have your clothes. When you go to Chicago and you see a fat guy, you got the same shirt as you want. You look at each other like two fucking

jerks. We've talked about this before. In Texas, they got fat tailors for fat people. You'll get clothes that nobody else in the world has. Oh shit. So you were saying about Texas? So I'm not fucking around. San Antonio, Houston and Dallas. I love you guys. If you want to come see me this year, I'd love to see you. Do me a fucking favor. Come to Austin the 15th through the 17th. That's all I'm telling you because I got no other dates in Texas. The improv Houston, Dallas ain't gonna put me in there. San Antonio hasn't gotten back to us. So it's fucking Austin. So if you haven't fucking seen me all year and you want to have a good time, you want to smoke some vapor hits and eat some pot cookies and get Lee to fucking give you a back rub, come on down to Austin. That's

all I'm saying. I'm not even advertising it. I'm just fucking telling you because I don't want to hear you later. When are you coming to Dallas? I ain't coming to fucking Dallas and I ain't coming to fucking Houston. Okay. Right now it's not in the books. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? Invent myself there? Get a tent so I can go down and for zoom myself in? I can't. Austin's where it's at. Not this week, not the week after, but the week after. The flying Jews coming with me. This week I'm in Santa Barbara, Rogan, and sold out, but the week after that I'm in Santa Fe at the Camel Backfucking Casino, eight o'clock, Saturday night with my man Ari Shafir. What do you want me to do? What's with the questions? I don't know. He gives back

rubs too. What? Ari Shafir. He doesn't? No, I don't like when Jews give back rubs. I don't like people rubbing me from behind. I told you already. And I know who I just noticed. He didn't ask me to do this or anything. Edwin San Juan's in the Pachanga Comedy Club this weekend, my second and third. Because I was just looking at his Twitter and I don't know who's funny. He opened for you a couple of times, so you should go see him. How about I stab you right in the fucking forehead with a grease butt? You got me? Don't put fucking grease in your head yet. I have nowhere to put a grease in. Go to the fucking store today and buy the EMF gel and put some on your head. Do you look beautiful? What happened? The sound went down again? What do you press some buttons for?

Mind you, what's with the question? That's my whole thing. I press buttons. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to find the last two minutes of Dogs by Pink Floyd. That's the anthem of the day today. I want to give some shout outs to my fucking tremendous sponsors. On it, that's always there for me. On it.com has been there since the beginning. I didn't know what they were about. Joe Rogan sold with me a little bit, told me about them. Then I started taking on it. I'll tell you what, the Alpha Brain, thank you for that. The turnaround 180s. If you fly a lot, if you're a businessman and you fly a lot and you don't want that little last bit, people call it jet lag. I don't know what the fuck it is, but you get that little last bit of tiredness

you can't shake, drink a 180 or change your whole fucking life. Protein. The hemp protein, you can't fucking beat it. 16 grams of protein. It tastes delicious. I like the chocolate, but the acai vanilla is not bad either. Go with the chocolate. Fucking tremendous. You won't shit blood. Have you missed it? Yeah. No, no, I've never missed it. Oh, you should mix it. I like black and white. Yeah. I don't know how it would taste. I don't know if the thing would blow up. It's protein powder. Next thing you know, I'm missing a finger like some fucking Arab guy because I'm mixing fucking protein powders and shit. My point is honest data, take care of you. They have a money back guarantee. They have digestive enzymes. They've got kettlebells.

Do me a favor. Just go to honor and look at the web page. I don't even know what's in the shroom tech sport, which kind of fat fuck gives me like for 20 minutes. I'm sore the next day and there's nothing you could do. That's why you pop the strong bone or you drink the fucking whatever else they have for soreness. But as far as energy, real fucking energy, long energy, not even be jittery and shit like that. The shroom tech sport, I can't fucking push it enough. And the shroom tech immune, if you fly a lot, or if you're in weird situations, you're a coach, you're around a lot of kids, when you're around a lot of kids smells like the fucking flu. Don't be that motherfucker. Take shroom tech sport. All right,

go to honor, go to honor.com. If you like on your own, look around what they have. If you're going to order something, go to joeydeers.net. See if I'm going to be in your town and put what in the box church church ch you are ch in the box. And you get 10% off looking to the stay on the program. They'll mail you the stuff to your house at the first every month. Like Thursday, you'll get a whole new fucking batch of whatever the fuck you're doing. And they'll send it right to the house and you get 20% off the 10 I'm giving you and 10 extra for doing that. Go to honor.com today. See what they got to offer. You're not going to be sorry from kettlebells to battle ropes to fucking grenades on it does it all. Hulu plus. You know what, man? Again,

every week I get emails from people this week answered 92 fucking emails. That was the most in about three or four weeks. Wow. And I gotta tell you, five of those emails where people thanking me they're about Dollar Shave Club or Hulu plus they know about it. You know, I didn't know about things like Hulu plus leaves Tommy about all the other companies. But once Hulu plus looked into us and we looked into them, we love it. They got shows that kill. It's not Hulu.com. It's Hulu plus for a fucking reason. They got your favorite shows, shark tank, daily show. They got shows you want to binge, you want to catch up on stuff. You know, some people work all fucking day. They ain't got time to watch TV every night. But Sunday

you want to smoke 15 joints and watch six episodes. Hulu plus has that for you. It's for people who want to binge and hang out. And here's what the beauty is. It's $7.99 a month. You think that you can pay that for the rest of the shit that's going on in your life. $7.99 a month. That's $2 a week to watch 20,000 fucking shows, games, documentaries, movies. Go to huluplus.com, go to joeydears.net, go to Hulu plus box and press and Joey, boom, J-O-E-Y, get two weeks gratis. Boom on the fucking arm. Who gives you that off the back? You ever go buy weed? The guy gives you a joint says, try that and come back later. No, fuck no, you got to pay up front. No money, no ticket, no sucky, no fucky. That's how it is old school. The same thing with Hulu plus,

but they give you two weeks for free. Check into Hulu plus right now, Joey Dears. What's in the box, brother? Joey, J-O-E-Y. Same thing with Dollar Shave Club. Like I said, every couple of weeks, I got a bunch of emails, people thanking me, they didn't know. They didn't know. They didn't know. Well, now you know, for $1, $6 and $9, you get tremendous fucking razors sent to your home. You don't got to leave. You don't got to go to the store. You don't got to go to 7-11 and smell fucking Hindu toes. You don't got to do none of that shit. You go to fucking Huluplus.com. What are you pressing the box? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. And you get the deal of a lifetime. You either get razors for a dollar, $6 or $9 a month. $6 a month is a great package. You get

one stem sent to your house. It's harder than fucking hell. Then they send you two razors, double fucking blades. You understand me? What? Lee, what are you looking at? You're all hypnotized. I got that type of fucking animal magnetism. So you get, what are you confusing me for? When I look at the screen, I should be looking at you. $1, $6 or $9 plus. They got one white Charlie's for your asshole. Let's say like I got the one white Charlie's. This is AP. I want my dick to smell like peppermint. I pulled the skin back. I fucking massage that helmet with this one strip Charlie. When I'm on a plane three hours later, I want to smell my dick to make sure it don't smell like dead pee. It smells like a lifesaver. You understand me? A peppermint life.

You dick ever smell like a lifesaver? No, because you don't use one white Charlie's on your dick. I also don't smell my dick on a plane. You got to sniff it because you're sitting there, the air gets down, it gets trapped. It's like a tunnel. You got to sniff your balls. You got to go in there. I go in the bathroom and open my zip. But then you know what you should do, you should take one white Charlie's on a plane with you. Because what if you're scratching down there and then your hand smells like dick for the rest of the flight? If my hands smell like dick, they smell like dick. I leave it. Oh, no, that's the worst because I put the air circulates. You got to take the one white Charlie's. I want people to know what time it is. When I scratch my balls,

I go like that with my finger. I'm not talking about cash. I'm talking about get the whiff of that in this fucking main cabin cocksuckers. Oh, and the air circulates that has to stink for fucking no. My balls don't stink like a Billy Goats cocksuckers. I don't because I stay on them. I wash them in the morning. I wash them in the afternoon. I wash them at night. I don't let the stink develop. I don't let that fucking skittoo juice, whatever. Staminky juice pack up. It's the Staminky juice. When you whack off, some goes in your underwear, some goes on her monkey, but the other one stays on your helmet. You don't wash them. You whack off with underwear on? Wait, what? You whack off with underwear on? I whack off with anything on boots,

fucking whatever. You got to do what you got to do when you're pecking heat, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, go to fucking Dollar Shave Club, a dollar, six dollars, pressing the box. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H, and get your razor sent to the house. Now you go, Joey, I got movies, I got on it, I'm healthy, and I got fucking razors. What do I do now? Jump in a deprivation tank and get your fucking head together. Escape Pod Tank. They've been with me for three months. Escape Pod Tank.com. These motherfuckers don't fuck around. They got commercial tanks. They got residential tanks. And you know what? You know where it gets better? They come to your house, they deliver it. They save you $2,000 to $3,000 on tanks. I've spoken to people, customer service supreme.

You call Jeremy on the 1-800 line. He picks up like a fucking soldier. Hello. And he speaks English. This ain't no no oblo, motherfucker, with some fucking accent from another country. Jeremy is fucking American as can be. In his house, he's got a picture of fucking Kennedy with a bullet going through his head. That's a fucking American right there. Go to escapepodtank.com. Correct? Correct. What the fuck are you correcting me for? Escape pod tank.com. Whatever the fuck. I smoked a couple of fucking vapors this morning. Why are you confusing me so poor? Escape pod tank.com for all your fucking deprivation tank needs. They are commercial ones, residential. Just go to the webpage. See what they got.

Look around, ask questions. Why fucking go and soak with other people who don't wash their ass? They got fungi feet. You know, their breath smells like dick when you can do that, your own house with your own water. Go look into it. Escape pod tank.com. All right, concept. All right. What, what, what, Lee? What the fuck is your problem? Your balls stink. I know right now, but I can't, can't believe we see your balls. I wash them when I stay on top of them. If you scratch on an airplane, that doesn't smell good. I guarantee, I scratch my nuts right now, let you sniff them. They smell like Irish spring. What do you want me to make of that? Because Irish spring, these motherfuckers, they're dead. You don't wear underwear. It's all hot in

there. No, it's not. Listen to what I do. I wash my balls with three different things. I got Irish spring, then I got the luffa with the coconut thing, and I scrub them with that, and I scrub my asshole to get all the barnacles away so I don't have no waste back there. Then I wash it, then I hit it again. I do my face with the luffa to get the dead skin. You do your ass first? Yeah. Who gives a fuck? It's still the same skin. Some people do plastic surgery. Some people borrow the skin from their ass. I take the skin cells and put them on my face. You know what I'm saying? You got to think, Lee. I'm thinking. You got to think about what would you do? That's what you do. He wouldn't waste fucking skin cells. He put them on his face to be served. You do

everything first, and you do the area last. I put this fucking cream thing, and I take my fucking soap in my hands, and I get in there with those fucking nuts, and then I get the washcloth, and I wash the corners. I take the washcloth, and I put like a finger up my ass, like an inch, and you hear it, you know, like an inch. It goes, just a little, look, if this is an inch right here, you take that washcloth, and you lip around, and now everything's fresh down there. So the next two showers, bro, I like showers because I know my balls stink. I'm the first one to be honest with but I control them. Got to control them, Lee. You take one bath a day. You can't do that, Lee. Your ass stinks like death, and when you wake up, you don't take a shower, which means that you have that

dead ass that cultivates in that fucking anal cavity eight hours while you're sleeping on that fucking bed. When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you fucking do is while you're pissing and you turn that water on. That's what normal people do. I do normally when I have to come here. That's when you do it even more. You get up 15 minutes early and you soak that ball. 15 minutes. Yeah, you're in there 15 minutes at the hardest water possible, and 10 of those minutes, it's pointing at your fucking thing with steam coming out of your nutsack. No, I was in 20, I like 20 minutes. Whatever, 2015, you know what I'm fucking saying? You got to make time for this. Cleanniness is next to godliness. God will not yet let you into the eternal flames of death,

hell, whatever, unless your balls are fucking washed. You cannot have a girlfriend if your balls are not clean. Oh yeah, no, no, no. No, no, you fucking go all day and then you pick up a fight with that stinky nutsack. No, no, no, no, no. You got to, and then when you come home from that drive to fucking Compton, wherever you go to pick her up. Yeah. While she's on the couch, you have to excuse yourself and wash that ass again. That ass is cultivated. You've been sitting on that seat. The ass is you're farting. It goes into the seat and back up into your fucking ass. How many times are you supposed to shower a day? Three. No. Yes. Three. Three. That's a lot of showers. What are you going to do? You want to be clean? Or you want to be like the rest of these

fucking maggots walking around? You ever smell somebody, bro? Oh yeah, of course. Do you want to smell like that? No. Then you got to be washed. Three showers. Three showers. You're a chubby dude. You release odors like me. Yeah. You ever smell your shirts at the end of the day? Smell like cheeseburgers and fucking Subway sandwiches. You think that's because it's, no, because it comes out of our system. You don't want to work out every day. So when you sweat, that shit, that top sweat, what do you think that smells like? Onions and that harmus? What do you think that goes? What if all you do is that stink fucking goes? It comes out of the sweat? It comes out of your sweat and it goes into your clothes. Now you go take that shirt off, put it down, and then you sit there

and go, why didn't do nothing yesterday? I'm going to put that motherfucker back on. Oh no. You know what that shirt smells like after that? What? And then you try to touch. Do you ever smell somebody with sweat on their shirt and they put cologne on top of their sweat? No, that's right. We have friends that fucking do that. I don't want them around when they do that shit. They smell like vomit. You got to wash. You don't want no problems? Take three showers a day. You know what I will do sometimes? What will you do? I will change underwear half way through the day. Oh, that's great. Not wash your asshole. That's great. So keep the stink and you're going to transfer the fucking addiction to a new pair of underwears. Yeah. Listen, there's nothing better than a fresh pair underwears. You're

making me sick. Well, you got to wash your balls to put a fresh pair underwear on. How can you not? How much time to wash three times a day? You got to make time. This life is about making time if you want to get forward. You got to make time to work out. You got to make time. You know what? I fucking hate drinking those protein shakes, but to that, on the way back, I got to stop at the protein store and get protein powder and the fucking thing to put in there. I hate it. It's $55 on my pocket, but I have to do it. These are the things you have to do in your life. You have to work on it. This shit just isn't going to appear. And these are all things that step into you being a better person. You start waking up in the morning, you throw that hot water on them or you're getting

your shoes, that fucking shower is burning. Huh? Well, Joey, the water is low. I don't give a fuck. Put that, I pay for it. All right? I pay for that fucking water. Put that fucking water on. You put that fucking water on, it's burning. You lay your socks on, you look at your shoes, you clean the dog shit off them, you put your pants down, you put the shirt to match while you're in there. You go in there, you take the fucking razor, and you shave the top off over here. So this is even, you do the rest of the shaving, that fucking shower. So it's one stop shopping. My shower is one stop shopping. As soon as I go in the shower, that hot water hits me. I wash my fucking head. I take the fucking thing and I wash. That's the first wash. Boom,

the ass, the ball. And this is all three times I do this, not just once. The balls, the feet, the skin, everything, between the fucking toes. You don't ever want to release those axles, those hummus toxins in the fucking head. I come out of your ass. Then you put conditioner in your hair. While the conditioner is in your hair, settling, you get the fucking shaving cream and you put it on your face, nice in the shower, and you're blast off in there with that steam. So it's very nice. You follow me by that time, all those barnacles off your asshole. From you eating McDonald's all those years, they're starting to melt from the fucking heat. Now you get, go ahead, take your finger like this, get a fingernail and scrape around your asshole. See

that green stuff that comes off? Those are barnacles. You have them because you eat garbage. You take that luffa and you scrub again. That's the second bathing. Now you get on there and that conditioner that's in your hair, you've worked it. You shaved already. It's been there for four or five minutes. Bang! You do that one again, then you conditioner again and hit it with the fucking Irish spring. So you confuse people. They don't know whether you're luffa in it or fucking Irish spring in it because the Irish spring smells, wears off, and now the coconut is in there. You follow me, you come out, you dry your feet, you dry your legs, you dry your balls real good because when you leave that moisture in there, that's that morning too. You got to dry, then you

take that powder like you like it. I love the powder. You hit that motherfucker in all the smoke. Do you feel weird getting the powder? No, I love it. You're taking your popping in your ass when you take a shit. It's all a little concrete. The first inch got like a ring around like a cigar. You understand me? These are things you got to do as a human being to get the point B. If you're not washing your ass or your pussy, how you gonna do anything in your fucking life? How you gonna do anything? You argue with me about three shots. I'm arguing with you. You've got to make time. Do you get the baby? Oh, you might? Oh, you're lucky. You don't have a baby. I don't have a baby. Every time I go to the store, I get the big powders and I get a bunch of baby wipes. I feel

weird. I feel like a weirdo. But you got to take three shots a day. Nobody wants to hang around with stinky people. Nobody. Your friends and they are smiling. What the fuck? Why does this guy always smell like an olive? Why does he always smell like he jumped into a Greek salad? That's true. Godliness is next to calling this. Did you find dogs for me? The last two minutes of it? Yeah, let me see what you got. Fast forward and more. More? Okay. Back in a little bit. 10 seconds. Stop it. Stop. I love you motherfuckers. The church April 28th. Sometimes we own with the national anthem

and I go bananas. Not today. We're going to end with the fucking song dogs. The last two minutes of dogs. It's tremendous. They drop it on you. You understand me? Who was brought in a house full of pain? Who was taught not to spit in the fan? We're going to drop it on you motherfuckers. Thank you for listening to the podcast. We got the live podcast Wednesday night at the ice house. Eight o'clock. We have a tremendous guest. I don't know who it is yet, but we're going to have a fucking guest. And if not, it's me, myself, and fucking my brother, little Lisa yet. Thank you very much. I want to thank my sponsors on it. Dollar Shave Club, HuluEscapeBotTank.com. I love you motherfuckers. I love Chung King. I love everybody who listens to the podcast and thank

you for all the love and support you've given the podcast over the last year. I hope you enjoy it today. Thank you very much. Stay black and have a fucking great day and don't let nobody fuck with you. Now that the show is over, don't... Donald Stern and Tosaki Dick, don't worry about it. You got a job to do. Fuck Donald Stern. Don't forget to sign up for your free trial with HuluPlus. HuluPlus lets you binge on thousands if it shows. Anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet, support this podcast and get an extended free trial of HuluPlus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the HuluPlus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com, get high quality razors, send to your door every month

for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or go to joeyds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And a thank you again to escapepottank.com. Get your sleep, your sleep, your sensory deprivation tank, order to save your thousands, mention this show, and get 250 off. Are you kidding me or what? Who was on the back, who was breaking away from the, who was only a stranger at home? Bow down.

Are you kidding me or what? Who was dragged down by the stone, you bad mother fuckers go kill him today.