Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #173 - Justin Fortune, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 30, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt welcome Justin Fortune to the podcast. Mr. Fortune is a boxing strength and conditioning coach most notably for Manny Pacquiao. This podcast is brought to you by: This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 04/30/2014.

This show is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club. Get high quality raises sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to joeideas.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also sponsored by naturebox.com. Order a great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola and with French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off for your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey.

And for all the wax and oil smokers out there or to get the premier vapor pan on the market, go to naileditlife.com. Mention Joey Diaz and you're going to save 20% off. Oh shit. April fucking 30th. The last day when this fucking office. I'm in the mood to light this motherfucker today. It's over cock suckers. Get up. It's the last day of the month. You fucking savages. Wash your pussy. Loot for your fucking asshole. It's that time. Get your shit together. Oh shit. Oh shit. Whoa, white guys talking about fucking cocaine. I love it. Where's Donald Sterling and shit? Oh shit.

Let's do this Lisa. Yeah. What the fuck is going on today? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive out there. The birds are chirping. It's going to be a hot motherfucker today Lisa. Yeah, I hope you put powder in your asshole and then your nutsack. It's going to be fucking 90,000 degrees. We're moving this motherfucker today. We got an office with a window. We got lights we got an air conditioner. We fucking control. Fuck these people with their 74 degrees. It's 100 in fucking July. Oh, we keeping it 74. What the fuck? How did you grow up? How the fuck did you people grow up with a fucking fan on you? Some shit? I ain't got time for that. I'm a fat fuck.

I sweat 74 degrees. Put that motherfucker down. Cook it down to 55 and leave it there. I'll let you know when the fucking put the oven on cock suckers. It's a beautiful day to be fucking alive here. I shot that fucking movie yesterday. I was basically a glorified extra. That's all I fucking did. I mean, you never would have thought you would have been in the movie 20 years ago. That's true too. You know, but it's crazy because I got there at 12. They put me in a little room like a jail cell. If I couldn't even fit in the bathroom if I had to take a shit. I'm not even kidding you. It was this fucking small. That's more the cubicle. I would add a back in and fucking shit from long distance, but like an airplane bathroom. It was even smaller than that. I mean,

you couldn't even fit in there. And they had my clothes in there. So the clothes were hanging over the fucking toilet. The room was small. But I gotta tell you something, the temperature was fucking icicle. And that's all that mattered. They had you outside by it was on sunset Gower. So right there, the sun was pounding and I'm like, these motherfuckers are going to have me outside in a fucking trailer sweating. Let me tell you something. I had a sit in the trailer with the fucking door open. That's how cold it wasn't that fucking trailer. That's all you care about fucking freezing. I loved it. I sat there with my shirt off like a doctor. I was stoned as fuck. I just sat there and I read they came and got me for makeup at like 12 30. I put the makeup on. I sat there with my

shorts and my t-shirt on till about, I swear to God, 330. They came and got me. They said, you're seeing this up. I walked in. I shook Alan Baldwin's hand. Whatever his name is Alec Baldwin. That's his name was Johnny Rose beef from Goodfellas, Joe Cortez, myself, this guy George Russo had worked for before. And some other guy recognized from movies. I just don't know his name. And they basically put us in a booth like this with fucking Alec Baldwin facing that with the camera over my shoulder. Me. I was a fat fuck. I was too busy eating that they had shrimp cocktail. They had some cocktail. Fuck it. And I was right there. Everybody else is standing by. They had shrimp cocktail. They had some mush, something macaroni and cheese. And they had

avocados stuffed with chicken, pico de gallo or fucking tuna and all these fucking Gentiles are eating the fucking tuna like momos that they are. I got three hands in the fucking shrimp and one in my pocket. You understand me? I mean, and they had jumbo shrimp. No, that's nice. They weren't fucking around me. They had jumbo shrimp. I was eating them. People were coming, taking two or three. I was taking 19 out of fucking time. You know that hand that you put the quarter in and the piece of the teddy bear? That's how my hand was. I kept picking up fucking handfuls with the with the thongs. And I fucking started eating them. And they called my name. I didn't have my jacket on. So by the time I got to the three fucking momos that taken the

seats next to Alec Baldwin, those are the money seats. So I sat with my back to the camera. But you know, it's funny because I had no lines. The funny thing was Alec Baldwin had one line, basically. And then us five sat there and we're supposed to like intimidate them or whatever the fuck happened. And and whatever his name is, the director said, you guys could talk. And I let the one guy talk and I let the other guy talk. And I could see the timing was off. It's amazing. It's amazing when you're a comic from practicing and getting on stage, how effective your timing is to the point that there's some actors in Hollywood that don't want to work with standups against them, like the opposite of the stand. Okay,

because their timing is too, too like. So what would be an example in your conversation with timing being off? If you can even do it? Okay, so in this scene, the waitress comes over, puts the glass down and walks away. Okay, the director said smack her in the ass because she comes in here a lot, like you know her. Okay, you know what I'm saying? So the first fucking thing, she comes in, boom, she lays the glass, the glass isn't even fucking down. This guy in the left is already talking like he's just been waiting to say it. Yeah, you have to let the chick fly. Okay, you know, why would you want to talk through? It's a wasted line. It's called it's a throwaway line. When you say a line, you're not facing the camera. Okay, or when you're saying a line and

somebody's blocking you, it's a wasted line. That's acting 101. Okay, I know that from watching fucking movies that that's acting 101. So again, they have to stop and listen, wait for the chick to clear. Then this guy was spending too much time with the ass slap. He's a mob boss. You know what I'm saying? He could look at her or something like that, but he was spending too much time jiggling with it. These guys are the heads of families. They're serious. You know, I'm thinking fucking way ahead. You know, I'm a fucking savage when it comes to that shit. So he says a line cut, it's too fucking quick. And what the line supposed to be me would have been the waitress walks away action, or action, the waitress walks away. Alec Baldwin stays that gives a scene suspense.

And then he says his line. And then one guy says one line, and one guy says the other line and we're out. I let the one guy say his line. He kept fucking it up. Then the other guy stepped on Alec Baldwin's lines. He kept doing it. This guy's an actor for 30 fucking years, 30 years. This guy was the original Don Johnson. He had Miami vice first till Don Johnson walked in. He's married to the chick from NYPD blue. The chick that was married to Jimmy Smith on the show. I forget their names in real life. He's married to a wuzzy as a child with Joe Cortez. A good looking fucking dude. So these weren't new actors? No, these are Johnny Rose beef from Goodfellas. You know, Cortez, Johnny Rose beef was like me. He didn't say nothing for the first time in his life. I didn't

feel I had to say nothing. When when Alec Baldwin told me his line, I just laugh because it's like if if we're waiting for fucking, if we're waiting for Eddie Brown, when he sends a purple belt to tell us what he's supposed to tell us, we're like, who the fuck are you? Okay, we're waiting for Howard Hughes. This guy sends this fucking guy who's supposed to be a Mormon and he's given us orders. So in my head, it was pretty fucking funny that he's giving me orders and shit. But then the other guy by mistake kept stepping on his line. Like he instead of saying it while the guy was still talking, this is an experienced actor. So fucking whatever his name is, the director came in and goes, fuck it, no lines. So all I had was to work with his body language. They didn't

turn the camera around. I mean, we basically wrapped at 420. So were you on camera? The back of my head. They gave me a haircut and everything to show the back of my fucking head. Nice. You know what? Listen, man, I don't care. I laughed. For me, they gave me a paid day. It goes towards my insurance, which is all I care about my family's insurance. It's the only reason why I go to these fucking auditions. And it's funny because it was a glorified extra role. You know, I've been very fortunate that I had speaking roles and all that shit. But it's funny because I've done the work. So it really doesn't matter. Like I wasn't desperate. I wasn't angry at all. The biggest concern I had was getting home, getting on that 101 to get home. That was my biggest concern at

430. And I got home in 15 fucking minutes. But it was funny on the way home. I was thinking about like people get this and they complain. Like I know a lot of people who would have gotten this job and complained because that's what people do. They get mad. I can't believe I went all the way down. I didn't get a line. You know what, man? Listen, if you do the work, you're going to get good jobs and you're going to get bad jobs. Whether you're a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter, sometimes you get good jobs. The only thing you could wish for is that you're going in and do a good job. Like for me, it was a win-win because the casting director is huge. He directed gravity. I was just going to say that you went in and you didn't have a line, but you also didn't

fucking piss the director off with all your mistakes. So now he'll cast you again and maybe he'll give you a line. You know, sometimes you don't have to talk. I always admire one of my all-time favorite movies is playing trains and automobiles. And I really admire Steve Martin because he had to go up against a powerhouse like John Candy. And sometimes you might not be able to say something, but there's something in your physicality. There's a thing, physical humor, which is huge. And I've always loved to do that also. Maybe it's just touching your nose. Maybe it's the way you grab your ear. Maybe it's the way you put your hand on your chin. You know, I always don't try to overact. I always try to stay. I never understood the whole acting thing. I've been to the top acting

classes. Like I went to Havana Chubbock and I went to the other Jewish lady we talked about, who was great. And I got the basics and I took it from there. And maybe that's why I work. Well, I don't work, but I know inside the room I'm great. That's why I book as I audition. You know, I go in there and give a fucking craziness. I just make believe it's a stand-up set. And I change scenarios in my head. It's funny because the other day I was watching, and I love this scene. It was on the other day, the football movie with Al Pacino. And he given Sunday was on. It's been on a lot lately. That in the longest yard. It's been on a lot on showtime. And my favorite scene in that movie is when he takes the quarterback aside,

the blackhead. And he says to him, listen, man, this is just like being outside before your mama calls you for dinner. You know, you got one play, you diagram, you go to the car and make a left. You know, that's what you do when you play two-hand touch, you know. He goes, and that's how I simplify things sometimes. I used to get very nervous when I'd audition or very nervous in meetings. And I take it to stand-up comedy. I just close my eyes for a minute. And it's like I'm on a fucking stage. You know, they asked me my sides. I'm in the back getting ready. And when they turn the camera on, I'm on stage. And I've done it a lot better. I was very surprised when I did the Marin show. There was one scene where I had to do

stand-up. Years ago, I had to do that. It was painful. When you have to do fake stand-up. Now I put it together. You know, it's so weird that when you stick with something, you get that much better at it. It's hard to tell people. And if you listen to one of our beginning podcasts from like September or two years ago, listen to now, we've grown. Yeah, of course. We've grown. And that's what people do. The more you do something, the better. It's so hard that that concept, that couldn't grasp that when I was 20 and 25. I never thought I would have the eight years. What?

Fucking seven years to be a fucking attorney? It's only the longest time. Are you fucking crazy? Like when you're 20, that's such a big number to grasp. Like what? Joey Diaz said, 10 fucking years to be a good stand-up. Fuck that. Fuck him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. My cousin Jerry said, I can be a good stand-up in three fucking weeks. There's people who actually think like that. And that help, that thinking held me back for years when I was a young guy and considering what I wanted to do with my life. It's amazing how you look at things and you go, let me tell you something.

I was a different stand-up actor at 10 years than what I am now at 20 years. It's like, yes, I'm making fucking, I'm telling you about acting mistakes and I'm by trade, I'm a stand-up. But because I've been involved in acting all these years and I've seen what, and I've caught on, I know the little nuances. It's just little nuances with acting. These people think it's something out of this fucking world. I've seen the best, forget lines and skip beats and you just forget. You have cameras, you have people, you have people touching you, fixing your microphone, you have people fixing your jacket, you have people wiping sweat off your face, there's cameras, people asking your questions. Hey, instead of this, so there's a lot

going involved. It's really weird when you get it naturally. Joey, you missed, you still got to stop at the line. Sometimes you get everything right, but you went an inch over the fucking line. Then the next one, you do everything right again, but you go in fucking an inch before the line. Then the next one, you step on the line, but you forgot the word the. And then there's one scene where you just, it all goes away. You walk out there and it's like you've been doing it for 30 years. When you wake up in the morning, you go in the kitchen, you hit the coffee machine, you grab a spoon in the fucking dish, you put cereal in, you pour the milk, you turn around the coffee's made, it's just a pattern. It's the same thing.

Your mind just gets to do it. I used to be crazy and rehearse a bunch and go, I don't do that no more because a thousand things happen in blocking. Blocking is before they shoot the scene, you go in and you walk through it. You follow me? So you know where the cameras are? So you know where the cameras are, and then you know where they're going to turn it around. So you know what hand to use, what, what, and it's really weird because years ago, I thought about this on the drive up. Like I wasn't mad at all, but it was funny to me how I'm still doing fucked up roads, and I don't care because I'm very fortunate just to be working. You know what I'm saying,

Ali? Like people have no idea across this country. We don't know what's going on in Oklahoma and in Tennessee and in Virginia, people losing their jobs, whatever the fuck's going on. There's so many people out of work. I'm always ecstatic when I work because I can't believe, hey, I'm still doing this after 17 years in LA. I can't believe I lasted that long that people still call me in for auditions. And I'm just happy to fucking work, you know? And I don't get pissed at those jobs, Lee, because I bumped into Slash once fucking 15 years ago with Rogan. I was at Rogan at the Riviera, one of the worst fucking hotels. I can't stand that place. They used to do a midnight show down Fridays and Saturdays. It's just, it's a fucking, I don't even know what it is,

but they used to have like a comic book or a game thing there. And as me and Rogan were going to the airport, I saw Slash and that night when I woke up in the middle of the night, I saw him at the bar. I couldn't sleep. I didn't bring a reefer and I went up to him and I said, you know, what's going on with guns and roses? I was just lonely and I didn't know. I had seen him at the store a few times, you know? And I remember talking to him about actual roles and he was saying that I actually just lost his mind, that it happens to people, that sometimes people can't really believe when good things are happening in their life. They really can't, people can't handle that shit. It's like when you come out of jail and you have that prison mentality, also you get a job and you

get a promotion and you get a girlfriend. In the back of your mind, you have to fuck that up. Okay. In the back of your mind, you as a human being because, and I had that for a long time, like once things are so good, you got to fuck them up. No, no, no, things cannot be this fucking good. And a lot of people who are listening know what I'm talking about. It's just a certain thing we go through that. It's just too good. And people say, what the hell? He was doing so fucking good. He had a job. He had a girlfriend. He was putting money in the bank. Why would he shoplift? Like, it's always something stupid, you know? Okay. And it's funny that I never forgot that conversation because it made me work because he said that some people, they get success and they start doubting

themselves. It affects people differently. And that's why Axel Rose never has come back. He's never been able to come back his head. And some people say he's great. That it's everybody else who's crazy. You know, I believe both somewhere in that story, there is crazy. There is a little bit of crazy. And you have to do the work, man. For you, nothing ever doubt yourself. You have to do the work. And people just don't realize that I got a twit from somebody this morning that six weeks later, I'm featuring, you know, and I'm on the road in some hotel in Idaho. I remember being that guy and calling my friends and going, you're not going to fucking believe this. I'm featuring tonight in a hotel in Idaho

for Dave Pribble. Now I look at it and it looks minuscule. The accomplishment looks, you know, like nothing. But it's the step to the fucking world. Once somebody says you're not MCing no more. Your next step is headlining, baby. You know, you're a purple belt. Now your next step is a fucking brown belt, and you're going to be a black belt. You've already, and it's so weird when you see the evolution, but you have to put in that work. And I think the people who that don't put in that work lose their fucking minds and doubt themselves when they get a job or something like that. Like, I know people go home and go, what the fuck, you know, I've done this and this and this. Me, I put my pants on one. I've had people call me. I've called friends

of mine and said to them, Hey, man, they're auditioning for this role. You should go in. And I've had friends go, man, I was on a TV show for five years. I ain't auditioning. They're still home. Yeah, yeah, they're still home because they let that affect their fucking judgment with me. I don't give a fuck. You know, some people I'll do a set of flappers. I go to the Ha, I go to one of George Perez's fucking crazy rooms. I don't do no more. I'm getting old. I'm fucking tired at night, man. I'm fucking tired, man. Once eight o'clock comes, I play with the baby. I've written, I've driven around this fucking town. You know what time I worked out last night? 10 30. Really? 10 30 last night. Couldn't take it no more. I bet the better day 30.

You know, I got back from shooting. I had to go to the park with the baby. I did some stuff around the house. There was no parking. Then she came in, I cleaned the house a little bit. She cooked. You know, I had the baby till fucking seven 30. You know, I really wanted to meet Salami at 10 planet Van Nuys. It's tough to leave when the baby's awake late. It's very tough. Very tough to walk out of there with a fucking G on at seven 45. And she looks at you. It's just tough. There's too much going on. I wanted to work out. I wanted to do something last night. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I didn't want my knee to swell up. I knew we had to move offices today. So I went inside. I drank coffee. I'm like, fuck it. I'll go to bed because I told you call me when you're

finished. Yeah, I called you. You call me and we finished like 10 minutes later. I called you when I went inside about fucking 10 30. I put some shorts on. I went inside and I started, no, I started doing squats in the house with 10 pounds. Just with a cadding charm. No, with a fucking dumber, whatever kettlebell, I got a 10 pound kettlebell to do go, whatever the fuck, rushing get ups and I'm doing this fucking squats. I just wanted to move blood in my knee. I wanted to fucking move. The swelling has been going down, but I've been working on it. I've been put nice on it and taking the Advil at night. So I did like five sets of 15 squats in the house with 10 pounds, just to loosen it. I said, fuck, I try to do push ups. I can't do push ups, Lee.

I got to do like four fucking push ups. That's it. Right. I get to the girl push ups when I get on my knees. I got to do 80 of those fucking things. I did like four push ups. I can't do, you know, I'm not going to get to work out. I went outside and it was 10 30 at night, man. And people were walking their dogs and shit with slippers on. And I'm out there doing fucking swings. That's what he got. It was hysterical. And I did like six sets of swings with the heavier kettlebell. And I did five sets of cleaning jerks. I did a couple more squats. Then I went upstairs, took a shower and fucking went to bed. And I fell asleep, which is after you work out, you can't fucking fall asleep. I fell asleep. I got up at three 30 because you two, I just woke up at

three 30 and drank some coffee. The cats were waiting for me. I hugged them. I'm in a better mood when I fucking play with the cats in the morning. I play with them this morning. Evie bit me. I love when she bites me. Sometimes I scratch her back and she gets so excited. She just reaches over and gives me a little cling on the arm. Just let me know who the captain Kirk is the fucking enterprise. So it was it was just a you live and learn Lee every with every fucking acting job, but every time I do stand up, I learned something, you know, people think that you wake up one day and you just stand up or you're just an actor. And I'll tell you what, man, it takes work. Everything takes work. And that's what people forgot. I forgot for a long time. I really,

when I was 21 and 22, man, I just wanted to be something. Yeah, I didn't want to work. I didn't want to put the work in. I didn't want to fucking. I didn't want to do nothing. I didn't think it was necessary. People become whatever all the fucking time. And it's so weird not to look at that value that I had that was no value. I had no fucking respect. I took that you just got given to you. That was the mentality I had. And I'm really happy that it's 19 it's 2014. So it's 30 years ago that I got the right at red to be my uncle, the same uncle that was on the podcast a little while 30 years. But that fucking he had beaten, man, he's like, listen, man, the world don't owe you nothing. It was it was shocking to me. Like when he made that statement to me,

I'm going to grab a water that was one of the most shocking fucking statements I had ever worked. Like I had never heard that before. I thought like I had money coming to me and people gonna fucking pat me on the shoulder and give me a fucking job. And boy was I in for a fucking cold hard reality. Yeah, I mean, when you get to that point, you're like up through high school. I mean, for you is a little bit different because your your mom passed away and everything. But I mean, for me, I was lucky enough to have a job. But life isn't that hard up until then for you is a little bit different for the last five years, I guess. But you even said before up until 15, you had a pretty easy life. I was spoiled rotten. So I mean, I'm lying to people when I

say I was spoiled rotten. I had to work, I had to do chores, I had to walk, you know, I had to pay bills in those days. Like in the summertime, I was allowed to do whatever the fuck I wanted. But I had to do something for her every day. Like I had to get up early in the morning and go walk and pay the fucking water bill or walk and pay the fucking phone bill. She could mail it in those days. You're gonna walk it, you're gonna see what it is to pay a bill. You know, here's the money, don't lose it. You better fucking pay the bill. Don't let nobody take this fucking money from you. Go pay the bill. You know, I had a vacuum. I had to do my own laundry at a young age, you know, which I'm thankful for, which I'm very thankful that I do all because I still do to this

day, man. If I'm moving around and I see the bathroom needs to get clean, I clean the bathroom. If I need to vacuum some mornings, I'll fucking vacuum. Last night, my wife was putting the baby to sleep. I did the fucking dishes. It really doesn't mean nothing to me to do that type of work, you know, and it's really weird. My mother used to, she prepared me to have a wife. Like she goes, it's not all about you. You got to help out too. You know, do the vacuum and take the garbage out, help with the dishes, you know, and I can't do everything all the time. You know, I'm in and out of the house. I got to run to the computer. I'm old, man. Sometimes when I get a thought, I got to fucking write it down now. Those days, I write that down later.

Those days are fucking long gone. I got to fucking, I really got to fucking get a thought. Once I get a thought, I got to fucking run with it. I got to go do something. So those days are over with, but she didn't make me get a job and sorts, but I'm lying to you because the summer before she died, I had a job working for Severino Construction, but that was my decision. It was across the street from my house. It was brickwork. I wanted to lose some weight. I wanted to get strong. It worked out in the sun every day, fucking hot. It was humid, but it helped me build a lot of character. It's really weird with all those jobs did to me. It's really weird when you're young, what a job means. Like somebody once told me when you apply for a job, when you

come out of college, they don't really give a fuck what you went to school for. The main point is that you did something for five years and stuck with it or four years. That's what they say is that they can see that you're going to meet a deadline and you're going to go for four years. I mean, at least for me, that's what it's been. What the fuck? What did you learn in college? I learned the basics of what I wanted to do with editing, but if you think about it, not really that much. They spend a lot of time on the history of it, so I guess you can respect the history, but if I had to take a test on any of the stuff I learned,

probably wouldn't pass any of it. It's very interesting. I mean, I don't even know if I could remember. I would be very interested to know up into what point in high school math I could get and still do it, even this amount of time later. I don't think I could. I don't think I could get up to a senior year. Just being very honest, I mean, math and science were my worst subjects. I was terrible at them. I just couldn't. Science and math, other than algebra, just never clicked with me, especially geometry. You did a lot of construction, so I don't know if it's easier for if it was easier for you, but the angles and the two different triangles, I could never get in my head the differences and it was always a struggle. The main point about math is one day you look at

and go, what the fuck am I going to need this for 20 years from now? Yeah, of course. Sorry, I'm eating a fucking hubby bar, a half of one, a white chocolate with crispy nuts in it. You know what I'm saying? I need to get the blood sugar up. Oh, it got rougher in it too. Don't get confused kind of stuff because I don't waste my time in a regular chocolate bar. It's like people bring cookies to the house and I got weed in it. No, what are you bringing cookies for? Take those away, but they don't leave that shit. It's like getting a car without gasoline. You know what I'm saying? I need that aggravation in my fucking life. That was my problem, but they made you take math courses to be more analytical towards your law career. But after a while, I'm like, why do I

fucking need to notice a, you know, this fucking triangle or whatever. After a while, when was the last time you used anything to do a 3.14 pot? Right. You know what I'm saying? I mean, they teach it to you so your mind can have different fucking ways to go. So when you are writing, you see things from a different fucking perspective, but you really don't fucking, you know, later on you say to yourself, what the fuck do I need this for? It's a geometry for me, not geometry, geography. Yeah. I didn't give a fuck what Tunisia was. Yeah. And for me, my mom used to get mad at me, especially for like geography. That's a very good example. I forget. I feel like it was middle school. We had to know where each state was. I wouldn't study until the night before and I would

just cram it. I would cram everything. Paula studies during the week. I'm like, I don't know how you do that. I would, I crammed for every single test I ever had. We've decided this. Well, I know, I know that's not how you're supposed to do it. No, we have it. Yeah. But I was, I got very, I was, I was very lucky that I could cram and get a B or an A and then it's gone. So it's to me, college was a kindergarten preschool for life. You get laid, you eat some mass, you learn how to clean your room, maybe you got to pay rent. Your mom still sends you a check. At least you got to write a check now, you know, for the rent. I think that's what college really is to me. It wasn't that for me. For me, I was just, I was so proud just to walk around the campus.

When I'd walk around a campus to me, it's like me walking around fucking Sony now. Have you ever seen me when I walk around Sony? Never. It's like going to fucking Disneyland for kids. When I walk around Sony, because that's where I belong. You know what I'm saying? When you, when you do what we do, that's where you belong. That's, that's as good as it gets. You're up there hanging out with fucking Japanese people and shit like that. That's as good as it fucking gets. You walk past Adam Sandler's office, you walk past all these offices, you know, they shoot movies. That's what you wanted to do. That's what, you know, I didn't know if that age I wanted to shoot movies, but I love fucking movies. So for a guy like me, when I'm walking around Sony, I see a different museums at the

studios where they shot, I love Lucy. I'm in fucking hell. I'm, I'm in heaven. You know what I'm saying? I'm in hell, but I'm in fucking heaven at the same time, you know? But it's just so weird that that's what it's like for me. When I was getting education, I really got my dick hard, because after high school, when I quit and all that, I never really thought I'd be involved with that again, or was allowed to even walk into a fucking institution that taught. So when I went to Colorado Mountain College, even though it was a high school campus, and that night they turned into a college campus, for me, I may believe it was fucking Harvard. For a guy like me, it was fucking Harvard. It had to be, because it's all I had, you know? And then I went to

Colorado. I always loved knowledge. I don't know if somebody in life does not love knowledge. You know, you can't fucking know about everything, but you can know a little bit about everything and see whether you want to move forward or not. And I always loved that at that age. You know, I know I didn't like the moon. I didn't like Star Trek. I didn't give a fuck about none of that shit. I liked about life. I liked people. I liked looking at people. You know, I could sit there for hours and just stare at people walking around New York City. To me, that was the best thing about New York City. I would get fucking Superstone, go on a pay booth, sit on it, like those pay phones in the old days. And I just make believe I was talking on the phone. And I just watch people

leave, walk around, communicate. I love that shit. I've always loved to see people in their fucking environment. And when I walked around Boulder, like forget Colorado Mountain College, but when I found out that I had that I had a transfer to Boulder to me, I felt so fucking empowered because this is a real fucking school, not the school I want to go to. You know, I'd rather be a Tar Heel or I'd rather be a fucking Texan or something like that. But this was still fucking college, you know? Yeah. So I mean, you got I don't even know how we started. I do wish they had someone put it on Facebook. So if it's someone who's listening, I can start to remember your name. But I wish they had like sort of a life course, because they never teach you about taxes. They

never teach you about about about 1000 things like paying your bills. I got very lucky. And if you the joke is I'm Jewish, so I'm naturally good with money. But this do so I'm naturally okay with paying my rent. But I know a lot of people my age who get who go bankrupt in three years, because they're buying, they're buying things, they don't know how to budget, they don't know how to sign up, they don't know when you're going for an apartment, how to call your water turned on. Like that to me, like your last year in high school would be a great class, how to pay your taxes. Are you fucking kidding me? No. Don't forget about me. Don't forget about me in 10 minutes. All right. Yeah, call me in 10 minutes. Bye. Thank you. Not this number, the other one I gave you. Bye. Listen,

brother. I knew nothing about paying taxes. Yeah, I knew nothing about the things you're talking about. But I mean, fucking Jesus Christ, Lee, if you got to take a course to learn how to open up a bank, how to pay your water bill, but it's more important to me than than the than learning pie. I mean, I would, I don't know exactly what would be in the course, but this thing. All right. So tomorrow morning, you move to New York City. All right. Tomorrow morning, you go fuck Paul and fuck you, Joey, I'm moving to New York City. You just got out of college. You go to New York City. Yeah. You go, you buy a newspaper, you ask you one of your friends, how do I find an apartment? They say you got to get a newspaper, you got to go online, you go

online, you find the fucking apartment, you go up there, you pay the fucking thing, you sign up, he tells y'all, by the way, you got to turn the water on and you got to turn the electricity on and you say to him, you look at him like you got three fucking heads. You're like, how do I do that? You got to go down to the water company. I got to go to a phone company. Have a good day. That's your journey. Well, you know, that's your journey. Maybe that one was a bad example. I think there are a lot of things that a lot of people, I was reading something about foster kids the other day, how when they're 18, sometimes if they don't get adopted, they're 18, they'll give them maybe some job training at most. But really, they're just once you're 18, you're out of the system.

They just, you're done. They have the, you have to take care of yourself. Kind of like what happened to you at 15. You know, you know what, man? I mean, you're the perfect example. You got very, not lucky, but you were very blessed that people took you in. Could you imagine at 15, let's say some, let's say, instead of people taking you in, you got the million dollars your mom left you, whatever it was going to be. Could you, how long would that have lasted? I mean, I think, I think, exactly. I think in high school, a year because of the drug habit and because who I thought I was in my mind at that time, it would have taken a year and it wasn't, but the main reason I would have blown that money would have been because of no common sense.

Yeah. So basically the course is the common sense. No common sense. Lee, if I send you a visa fucking card and the things got $500 on it, how are you going to go the first night and buy a fucking car? Do you follow me? When I got a visa in college, I knew it was a $500 limit. When I went to fucking Coco Locos, what was that restaurant you went to last week, Red Robin? And I dropped $50 every time I went. I know after eight times, I had to pay this motherfucker or I had one more time and they were going to tell me no good. Yeah, you know that. But I mean, based on what's happening in society right now, there's a lot of people who don't know that.

And Lee, I got to tell you something that's very fucking sad because, Lee, I got introduced to the world the same way you did a little bit by a little bit the same way everybody does. And you take something in, you take the information in, you investigate, and then you go attack it. That's it. You take it in. You know, I remember going, my earliest memories of New York City was my mother saying to me, don't cross Broadway. That bitch wasn't even in the fucking door and I was across the street in Broadway. I learned how to cross the street. You know, you were, you were driving now, I drive now, I see people wait for that light and they wait for the hand and eight seconds. Fuck you. I fucking

learned how to dash across that street, whether there was a light or no light. If that light was green, I ran across the fucking street and I ran across and run back and forth during green lights just to prove a fucking point, you know, but I learned how to fucking cross the street. Somewhere in your mind, you have to be adventurous. Somewhere in your mind, you got to go fuck. I don't want to get hit in the head with the fucking stick no more. I either got to pick up a stick or throw it or whatever. I think that, I think that fear has a lot to do with not knowing. I mean listen, man, I was scared as everybody else at that age. I just faked the funk. I just closed my eyes, put my life in God's fucking

hands and I did the things I did. Sometimes I went into bad streets and sometimes I went into fucking good streets. I didn't know until I did it, Lee. I didn't know until I did it. I want, if this was fucking a perfect world, man, I'd want everybody to try everything good and bad, if they wanted to, if they wanted to the option. I'm not saying you got to go out and murder somebody and be president of the United States, but I'm saying something in your realm. I tried everything, I had at that age because I didn't know what it was. I'm not lying to you fucking people and I tell you I had every job. If you want, I will write it fucking down next time and we will sit here for an hour and tell you from management training jobs at lumber yards to management training yards

at Hertz to fucking, I worked for a brick mason. Then I washed brick with acid for another mason. I was a carpenter's helper. I was an electrician's fucking help. I was a roofer. I was a roofer's help. I was a roofing estimator. I built fucking scaffolds and I quit once I had to put the second floor up, you know, yeah, I did everything. I was a fucking bellman. I was security at a hotel. I was a fucking, I was a cook's apprentice at Benegans. I worked at my mother's bar. I worked at a Fusso's dugout. Guys, we could go on this forever. I'm 50, but for the last 20 I've been doing comedy. So you're going to go Joey from 50. I worked at a shirt company that loaded shirts. They got to count the shirts and put them in men's shirts. I worked at Masbach Sentry hardware

loading trucks in high school. I fucking pushed a wheelbarrow. That's all you did all day down a two by 12 for the call of construction for 45 fucking dollars a day. That's it. The concrete came and you did that for eight hours. You just went like that and walked 50 yards and got the concrete imported and all those jobs. It taught me one fucking thing. It taught me about not what I wanted to do, but what I didn't want to do. Yeah. The same thing with life. You know, when you, when you walk around, when I look at comedians, I wrote, I told you it's a thousand fucking times. I look at other commerce and look at the accomplishments they have and I learned from their accomplishments or from their failures, not what I want to be, but what I don't want to fucking

be. You know, when it's 430 and you look at the clock and you got two more hours of taking concrete going and walking back up and drinking water with a towel on your head and putting cold water on your fucking neck. You know, this is not your future. This is good for today, but I have a dream, you know, and everybody has fucking 9,000 jobs. If you haven't, God bless you. I was that much of a loser. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do everything. I sold cars. I watched cars. I detailed cars. I worked at big old tires. Who worked at big old fucking tires? Me. That's who. You said something very funny the last Monday when you said you saw the two people in the truck, like the apprentices, and he said, you look at the boss and you're like, holy shit,

I hope that's not me. I worked at Radio Shack for about a month and a half. And the moment I realized I had to get out of there is I got a $200 check and the manager came up to me and said, is that the biggest check you've ever seen? That's pretty awesome, right? And I hadn't, I had made more money at CVS. I was like, he thinks a $200 check is awesome. I'm like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I gotta go. Because it's how they look at things. My wife always says, well, I had to get out of Bradford, where I live, because it's so small-minded. It was small-minded in my town too. Guess what? It was small-minded by YouTube. The first time you told your friends you want to move to LA, what did they say to you?

Everyone thinks it's crazy. And you know what? LA is a very small-minded town too. Everyone wants to do the same thing. If the entertainment industry got up and moved to Phoenix, there'd be four people here. So I think everyone's scared of where they're leaving. But the best thing I ever, I grew up in a very nice town. And there's a lot of kids who didn't have jobs. But I never, the best thing that I ever did was I didn't get an allowance. And I've had a job since I was 14. And I got my biggest accomplishment probably before I graduated high school, because I paid for my first car in cash. I must have worked for years. And I scripted up two grand and I went to one of those used car places where the guy just sits in the trailer all day. It's one of the creepiest

places ever. The paint was rusting off the hood. It was a Chevy Cavalier, a 97, and I was 16. So that was like 2004, 2005. And the horn didn't work. I had to go get a horn placed in on the left hand side. And fucking people because and in my town, kids were getting BMWs. So when I would drive in, they they could they they called it the Chevy, those it was one of those Cavalier, it was one of those cars that they have a special edition. And it had it was rally sport. It was a Chevy Cavalier rally sport. And people used to like make fun of the rally sport. But you know what, I never got in a car accident with it. I never got a ticket with it. And it fucking, it lasted me. It lasted me long enough that I gave it to my brother. Was it easy for you to make the

move here? It was the only point it wasn't was when I got for anyone who doesn't know geography, Massachusetts, the next town, next state overs Connecticut, I made it to Connecticut with mine. I had just bought a car like a month before, I made it to Connecticut with all my stuff in the back and I pulled over on the side of the highway and a little panic attack. I had to call my mom and I was like, Mike, my whole life's in the car. I didn't have a place out here. I went, I moved into a hotel for the first week, because I didn't want to ask anybody to live on their couch. I just felt weird about it. And I took the first and I had a panic attack in Connecticut. And then after that, I was fine. I just did. I look at what people say I'm crazy. But you know

what, it was, it was a lot of fun. And I can't imagine being a state farm salesman right now. And if you're doing that and you're happy, I'm not making, it just wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to do it. Listen, the best thing about life is variety. We all can't be the same and works for you doesn't work for me and what doesn't work for the other guy. But it's amazing. You know, everybody knows I'm writing a book and one of the chapters is leaving North Perkins, you know, it's about me leaving. But it's not about me leaving, you know, it's about me moving. I don't know. It's not really about me leaving. It's about, I don't know, just changing. You know, we always, one of the reasons why I didn't go to the blood test that day when I was supposed to

join the Marines, it wasn't, I didn't know that. Yeah, I was supposed to get a blood test to join the Marines. I went out and got fucked up the night before and I woke up the next morning. I had always wake up. And the real fear I had was the blood, you know, but the real fear I had was I had friends that had gone to the service and had come back and there were still shitheads. Yeah. You know, and I didn't know what my thinking was about that. And at that time, I always wanted something to change me. You know, like, I know a lot of people are like, well, if I do that, that'll change me. If I get like, when I got married to Kathy, I bitch a lot about, listen, that marriage was a shit fucking marriage. That's why I got the

result I got. That's why I have a child that I don't talk to. That's why I have a next wife that I don't communicate with them. We hate each other and I hate her more than life itself because I lie. There was a big fucking lie and I learned a lesson never to lie in any sort of relationship. Be open from day one because if not, if you're like, I'll put it away till later, she's not, it's not going to work out for you. You know, I always thought that something would change me. I think most people in this country are waiting for fucking to see Jesus in a bush because it's going to change them. And I was one of those people. Right. We have a call. Come on. Oh, right. Let's do it. Oh, shit.

It's what's up, Joey. It's my main Australian brother, Justin Fortune. For a lot of guys who know Justin has a successful all around gym in Hollywood. He's one of my best buddies, one of my favorite people because he says it how it is. How are you today, my friend? Pretty good, mate. Pretty good. You're down there throwing fucking kicks for Jesus, making a few dollars. Everything's beautiful. Make it a few bucks. But I want people to know how to survive in sunny California. Fuck yeah. And it's going to be hot today. You're going to have a lot of water sales today, cocksucker. There you go. You're going to be selling a lot of water. Justin, you know, I've loved you since day one when you had the weed store next to the gym and

you were building it and you'd always talk to me from the heart because you're one of the few Hollywood people that says what the fuck is on his mind. You throw a mother, you make dollars. Fuck those punks. You make Donald Sterling look like a fucking faggot, that cocksucker. And it's crazy that about a month ago I was watching TV and I'm watching the thing about Pacquiao and there you are, the fucking strength and conditioning coach for fucking Pacquiao. What you did before years ago? Yeah, years ago. I did it for like six, seven years. Fucking seven years. Then you laid off for a while, opened your own gym. Yep. And now you're back in this fucking champ. You got other guys and I just want to tell you, man, that I fucking love you

and I'm proud of you and people were calling me going, that's your buddy. You always talk about on TV. That's Justin. Oh shit. What's going on, buddy? How does it feel to be, you know, what goes in to training a fucking Pacquiao instead of training a guy like me? Pacquiao just bringing him back to what we used to do. He wasn't doing that before. I mean, when we were training many, when me and Manny and Freddie were together in 2002 to 2008, he was knocking out everybody. You know what I mean? He was just going through the divisions like it was crazy. And that's it. That's what he wanted to bring back with the old school training. So, you know, you can pretty much say and do whatever you want. And you hit people up with scientific

this and that and fucking machines and all sorts of crap. But when it really comes down to it, especially with fighters and fighters are a whole different animal, it's really back to basics. It's back to what people used to do in the old days when they had a job and they used to go and fight. They would work digging ditches or shoveling fucking dirt and mud. And then they go to the gym and they train and they fight. They were strong, hard men. And, you know, that's what I do. I bring them back to what it was. I don't like it. And I'm going to give a shit. But I like it and quit. And that's their fucking problem. But, you know, that's what it is. I mean, I watch some of the things you did with them. But when you mean like strength training, what do you mean? Like

running more? I didn't have much more. I didn't have a lot of time this time with Manny. Only five weeks. I did work more on explosion and speed. But everything, you know, had the road ball and stuff. Everything we do simulates old style hard work. You know, fucking sledgehammer, shoveling, lifting tires, lifting weights, lifting sandbags, stuff like that, push-ups, plyometrics. You know, that's what it simulates. You can invent a hundred things. You can put, you know, all these guys do machines. Machines are restrictive and they slow you to fuck down. So, I'm going to give a shit what everyone says. And plus, far as people in general can be lazy on machines, they can touch shortcuts.

So, you never saw a fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger or a Zane or, you know, Mr. Olympia using machines. It was always free weights because free weights give you the full range of movement. Same sort of basic principle. You know, it's amazing how much things have changed. When I was in high school, it was five sets of six, you know, the basic body parts, you know, behind the neck, front of the neck, squats. And now everything is completely different. And I don't know if it's science. They want to make it different, Joey. They want to make it different. It's not fucking different. You know, like I said, I'm just bringing back old-school style training, different equipment and equipment that mimics what you used to do because you can't get hold of, you know,

wheelbarrows and stuff like that. You know what I mean? It's not, it's just, it just mimics that. And that's what it does. But different fighters now, mate, too. But, you know, they don't really want to do that fucking tough, hard, hard, hard yards, you know what I mean? No, it's a little where the bitch by. They want to look like they want to be a fighter. They don't want to look like a fighter. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. It's funny how I went to, yeah, it's the truth, Australia. Everybody wants to fucking go to heaven. And it's the same in my, it's the same in every fucking walk of life. Everybody wants to be a star, but nobody wants to fucking do the work, you know? So then they don't get what they call.

You know, heavyweight division is fucking disgusting. When we're fighting, I talk to Tyson a lot, Mike's the same sort of opinion as me. It's like nobody wants to stand there and take the fucking beating. You know what I mean? They want to quit. They'll quit on the stool. So, you know, when back, you know, we're only, we're only fighting in the 90s. And the 90s were the whole different era of fighter than two, you know? There were good heavyweights in every fucking gym. There were good heavyweights. And they would all fight. They would take their fucking, take their beatings and take their wins, but they wouldn't fucking quit. No one ever heard, or very rarely they'd ever heard of anyone quitting on the stool. You fought to your drop, or you fought to the referee

stopped it. But now, these days, like Jesus. I don't know what it is. I used to watch boxing. I grew up on boxing like everybody else my age. I'm 51 years old. You know, I grew up on Duran and all, you know, Sugar Ray. And in my mind, it seemed like they fought more. In my mind, they fought like twice or three times a year. They what? They did fight more. I mean, you know, there were more, there was boxing was premier. Now the MMA sort of cut into our business a little bit. Boxing, coming back. Unfortunately, all the small divisions, the 40s, 47s, you know, light 18, 22, they'll keep boxing alive because the heavyweights are doing absolutely terrible. Once the heavyweight comes along, like a good one, American, black, Mexican, white, no one gives a shit as long as

American, Mexican, American, you give the fuck. But he has to be an American heavyweight that wants to go in there and hurt people like a Tyson, Hollyfield, Beau, you know, then boxing will take a massive jump until that happens. It's the little guys, the little divisions that are actually keeping this sport alive. I mean, they're great fighters and great fighters and stuff and they're good to watch, but there's nothing, you know, you agree. There's nothing like watching the fucking heavyweight. No, no, no, nothing. I don't even, I can't name a heavyweight right now except Klischko, right? That's it, right? That's it. That's all I know in the back of my fucking mind. And I try to stay on the top. Because you can't name a heavyweight in America, which is really

fucking tragic because this is the premier country for, you know, you guys have produced phenomenal heavyweights over the years. And these days, you can't name one. Well, you know what, at least they got heavyweights in MMA. They got your boy, Redoom. They got some people making it happen. So that's not how that's, you know, that's MMA. It's not, you know, that's, I can imagine. I trained in W for years. I trained with them, Schwab and those guys, you know, it's a great sport. They're good sportsmen. They're fricking ridiculously shit. And then their disciplines, but it's, you know, I'm not a boxing guy. But I like boxing. I'm not like, I'm not too big on MMA.

Now, when people, now you're Jim, you have a, you work hands on it, you're Jim, then you have like two classes that you call like death, right? It's like Tuesdays and Saturdays at seven. And what does that entail? Just a whole bunch of conversion. It's like CrossFit. Excuse me. We were doing CrossFit before CrossFit was fucking invented. With this sort of shit, you know what I mean? Just hard fucking suicide. So it's hard work. It's an hour, 15 minutes, 30 seconds left. And that's it. If you survive, good. If you quit, it's your problem. You know, it's amazing. I went to get up there. Mostly get up for my fighters. And then, you know, of course people jump in because they want to

do them. And I have a good pair of people that are very fit and they keep doing it. They love it. That's mostly get forward towards fighters. Now, let me ask you this. Like I had this problem. Like a month ago, I went to get protein powder. And the guy says to me, when are you drinking the protein powder? I go, when I wake up in the morning to get my day started, I don't like eggs, you know? So I rather drink protein powder. And that night, this guy's like, no, you're doing it wrong. You have to do it as soon as you finish working out. New scientific proof says that a minute after you finish working out, you have to drink it. And I'm thinking to myself, fucking Sergio Lever didn't drink no fucking protein powders after he lifted weights. He was

just fucking fine. You know, it's amazing like these new rules, how they try to scare the fuck out of you. You have to drink it on the way home in the car. I don't want to drink no milk. So I'm not even fucking hungry. I mean, timing's good. It works on certain things, but you know, it's not not as quick as what they say straight away. I mean, if you live in the hour, I mean, I know if you finish doing the hard work out, how the fuck are you going to swallow a drop down of fucking protein shake? I know, I'm not fucking hungry. There you go. I mean, you know, but then it's what they say. I mean, my friend, Sonny Schmidt, you know, Mr. Universe was a master's. You know, this guy was just fucking genetically freaking

gifted. So you know, he's eating pizza four weeks out of a competition and stuff on that set of a bitch. That's fucking amazing. Now I've been trying to hold you crazy. And then he was just gifted. What do you want? I've been trying to get a hold of you for a few weeks. So you spend half the day at wildcard training over there. Yeah, I got a couple of Freddy's fighters and Tony DeMarco and Chinese bloke, bloke of them. I'd like to get some more and like to get Kota, but I don't know how Kota is going to go against Martinez. But it's interesting fight. Okay. I know that you're at wildcard half the day and then you're at fortunes. And what time are you at fortunes during the day?

I'm here from usually from about six in the morning through to 11, 1130. I'm down at wildcard for three or four hours. And I'm back up here. If a fat fuck like me wanted to get started with Justin Fortune, what would you have to do? We come into the morning classes at seven o'clock. And then that way you get sort of more attention. And I can work with you before that. After that, I'm pretty much screwed up with fighters and for people like that. And from seven to eight, the class lasts. Yeah, seven to eight. And that's six days a week. Six, six days a week, mate. And that's the suicide one, the fucking you kill motherfuckers. Suicide on Saturday. During the waste, just conditioning and boxing classes,

getting you ready for the Saturday class. Saturday is pretty fucking brutal. Well, I love you, brother. And I'm happy that I've always wanted to have you on. And I think now is the perfect opportunity. I'm happy you're doing your thing, man. You're one of the few people in Hollywood. Listen, you're one of the few people I go over that fucking hill when I go over that fucking miserable hill and I stop and say hello to you because no matter what's going on, you always bring a smile to my face because there's no bullshit. There's some strange people over here. You know that. Oh, man. If it was up to me, I get you, me and Macca get some fucking machine guns and start shooting motherfuckers right there on sunset.

I love you, buddy. Thank you for taking the time. I'll be down to visit you next week, my brother. All right, mate. Sooner or the better. Thank you, brother. That's a real fucking Australian. They're cock suckers. That's the real Lee. I'm gonna send you down there. I'm gonna listen to what let's I'm sending it down in a fucking parachute. I'm gonna have him punch you. Look how tired you are. He didn't even sleep last night. I mean, I can tell when you got be the eyes and shit. No, I mean, I'm a little bit tired. Fine. What time to go to bed last 1230. Oh, I'm waiting to tell you, I'm making you carry this table on your back and shit. Let's do it. Where's Steve Simone? I don't know. You didn't see him last night. I saw

some last time. Yeah. What do you say he's gonna be around? He said, he said, if you need him, yeah. Get together, cock sucker. Look at you. Let me get a flex. Let me get something. You're fucking more today. Put on, put on some music for Uncle Joe. What do you want? Let me see. I gotta get some must be the music by fucking nucleus. I'm not nucleus. I don't even know who sang that song. I want you to wiggle today. You're not wiggling your fucked up today and shit. Cock sucker. Look at you. I'm excited for the night. The big room. We've never been in the big room before. No, man. We sold out yesterday. So they put us in the fucking big room. So oh, shit. Wiggle Funko Joey Lee. Let me see. Oh, shit. Little something. Let me say that smile.

Oh, shit. Who sings this? Not nucleus. A secret weapon. Secret fucking weapon. One of you crazy motherfuckers on my Joey Diaz eating that pay sent me a bunch of like old disco last night. And I put it on and I almost cried. And this was one of the fucking songs. I had forgotten all about this. This likes to snort coke too. And he'd asked to when I was graduating the church of what's happening now eating ass and 70 motherfucking three Cleo's in town. How do you like that one? Fuck. She's here. I think she was down there with water boxers smoking reefer. Water boxers had her out in the fucking ocean jumping up and down. You know, water box and you're fucking around. You're not waiting only nights.

Move into the beat. Oh, shit. Lee. Let me see you. Wait a second. What? What? What? What? Drop it, Lee. Have we played this before? I don't know. You like it? Feel your purpose. This is you heard this in the other dream when you were Johnny Bananas in New York City. Dancing in the 70s. What? What? All right. Kill the fucking music. The fucking now we're going to talk suck. What? I was I say to you. But it's funny who were talking about before how I had buddies who joined the service came back and they were still fucking drunks. They were still causing fights. But I was always looking for something to change me. And I think that that's what most people are looking for. I don't think people change. Yes, they do change.

You think so? Fuck. Yeah, I think aspects of them. But I think everyone because we were talking yesterday and like Steve Simone had a friend who he hasn't seen in 20 years and they went right back at it. I think aspects of people can change like people can get off drugs and stuff like that. But I think at their core, everyone's going to be the same person they were that were six years old. At my court, when I was six, Lee, I was not a bad kid. I was spoiled. I was you know, I was around women all the time. You know, I wasn't shy. And then as I got older, you know, my craziest point when I was 12, I was crazy. Like I was taking 20s from my stepfather. You know, he had all this money in the fucking house and I would take a 20 and a 20 there. But

I wasn't like a thief in the streets and like that. That wasn't my and I think, yeah, you're right. People's there's no way I'm the same person I was when I was 21. There's no way, you know, I don't think I was watching a kid show the other my daughter was just sitting on my lap and they were talking about something. And they said that when somebody's angry, it's because their dreams got crushed. And God damn it hit me like a fucking break, you know, because that was my problem from the year I was 20 to I was 30. I had the anger get in my fucking way. I had this anger from 16 to 24. Let's just say, right? Then it went away. One of my biggest dreams got crushed. I just want to be part of a family. That's it. You know, your dream gets crushed. You just want

your mom to see you do something. Even though I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. One of my dreams got crushed. It was the dream of my faith, my hope, my belief, you know, God took my mother at that time. That's how I felt. That's how I felt. So sure, the continuing thread of my life is fucking anger, you know, and then I got really angry for a while. And then I got married and I got divorced. And again, the winds change on me. You know, here's this lady I know that we're friends making up lies about me. And I can't see my daughter that destroyed my core. That set me fucking off for a couple of years. That set me awfully from 94 to like 98. My mind was always at that point was a walking time bomb, just having that needle, that thing, that little thread.

So people change just from that because people go through different things in their life. Somebody might lose a wife. Somebody might lose a child. Somebody might lose it. Things affect people in the most different fucking ways. You've had somebody talk to you about a problem and their furious and their faces read and they're crying from the anger. And you're like, this isn't that big of a problem. But to them, it's their whole world. You know, in 1995, when I got arrested for assault in Seattle, I thought that was the end of my relationship with my daughter, which it was, but it really wasn't because of that. It was because of other things. You know, there's no way. I have maybe six things of the qualities I had at 21 now. And they're the only

qualities that kept me alive. Yeah, but do you think like maybe, yeah, you don't do drugs anymore, and you said you weren't a thief at that age. But I think at least, I mean, granted, I'm 25. My hustle's still here. My hustle's still here. You push, you have the same qualities, but you're in different areas. You get better as we were like, we're all like wine, Lee. We get better as we get older. It's not where the fuck we start is where we end, man. I never knew that. I thought I was doomed. You know, when you're 20 and 30, you think you're doomed. You're not doomed because your life could change right before your fucking eyes, man. You can meet a black chick, whatever. You could do a thousand fucking things. We think Donald Sterling was thinking about when he woke up

Sunday. Donald Sterling was thinking about what a beautiful day to be alive. I'm gonna fucking get up. I'm gonna have that fucking half-much suck my dick with a camera on. I'm gonna go home to my wife. Whatever the fuck he was doing, look how his life changed in two fucking days. Your life could change in other ways too. You could start a fucking company that ships t-shirts, right? You could go online and buy stupid t-shirts from a guy who's going out of business, put Boston Red Sox on and sell the t-shirts. And some big company might fucking come up to you and go, we want to buy you out because you're our competition. We want to give you $300,000. Here, you were making $700 a week from fucking selling t-shirts, but this all happened because you did something, not because

your life changed, but because you did something. Your life just doesn't change. That's my belief. When I was a young man, I thought that, boom, I was gonna be a bartender and Hollywood producer was gonna come in and give me a job, and I was gonna change. I didn't think Hollywood producer was gonna come in, but I didn't know. I thought that fucking Barnes and Noble, Noble was gonna come in and ask me if I wanted to do a line of coke and make me a VP of his company. I actually believed that. Oh, you definitely have to work, but I think, I mean, it's, I mean, you have that thing behind you with your picture as a kid. And maybe I'm wrong because I mean, I'm only 25, and I could always learn. I think the core of who you are is always, it's always gonna be there.

And you can change some of your behaviors, but at least from what I've seen so far. And yeah, I'm 25, at least from what I've seen, everyone's who they are. And then- No, no, no, no, I agree with you. You are, and I've said that a thought, listen, you know, this whole thing teaches me, it makes me laugh. And we talked about it Monday because it teaches you that fucking, you don't know the animal you're dealing with, but you do. First, they knew he was, they didn't know he was a racist. Now, little by little, Karim of Dutuban knew he was a racist and took his money. They all knew he was a racist, his money. Most people act surprised, like the NBA expert. You think that's the only owner of the NBA that thinks that way?

No. And did you see that hit the, they're not mad at his wife, like they let the wife come to the game last night? Because, oh, this was, this is hurting her just as much. She's been married to him. She knew exactly what was happening. And I, it's just the answer. Your life could change, but you gotta do something to fucking change it. You know, it's, and it's, and these are the mistakes I've made as a young man. I always thought that a big vault of lighting, I got married because I thought it would change my life. And then when it didn't change my life, I got pissed off with marriage or marriage sucks. No, marriage ain't supposed to change you. Nothing's supposed to change you. You gotta look in the mirror and go, you know what, I'm going to change me. I don't

like that about me. You know, I don't know. I'd have to sit down. This is like one of those questions where we spoke about the fucking role model. I'm going to have to sit down and write this shit out because I know that there's basics of me that changed. I was always a hustler and I always loved fucking working. I always liked flipping a buck. There was something about those singles and that money and my mother's purse busting out from the tips she got bartending and from the cash. I guess my mother deposited money but kept cash, you know, whatever. Just all that cash being around got me fired up when I was a kid. I wanted that cash. And I still remember, and I told the story, like one of my biggest accomplishments as a kid was when I bought a

box of glue to sell sticky Charlie, the guy that was addicted on glue. To me at that age, to buy a box of glue at seven to make 20 cents a tube was everything to me. I was a business owner but that still hasn't changed. At seven, I still saw, wait a second, we can make 20 cents on this motherfucker. And I didn't learn that. That wasn't who I was. That's what the regular kids in the neighborhood were doing and they opened my eyes to it and I enjoyed it. They also opened my eyes to fucking, you know, throwing bricks off the fucking bridge of cars as they were going under on the West Side Highway. I didn't enjoy that either. You follow me? So that's why I'm talking about you got to try everything. You got to try. When I was eight, I took a wooden stick and a piece of wood

and I released Weeding on it and I started my own Weeding Company. And I think the marriage is a good example for you because you said even on the plane to the honeymoon, you knew it wasn't going to work out. I knew it wasn't going to work out. The first marriage. I fucking knew it. But then you found Terry and it doesn't matter that you're married, but it's just you found the person who you're supposed to be like, not even supposed to be with, but like who matches well with you. And it happened when you were off, when you got off the drugs. So it's just... It was the evolution of life, man. If you're a good person, let me tell you something, man, I have a lot of fucked up problems. You know, Rogan was telling me that somebody wrote a webpage

and they said how much of a shithead Rogan was because of the people he hung out with. Didn't hurt my feelings. It made me laugh because people assumed because I kidnapped somebody and I, and I, you know, sold drugs and whatever that I'm a bad person and many fucking dead qualities. I was a fucking bad person. Who are you kidding? I'm not going to sit here and tell you I was father Teresa or mother Teresa, whatever his fucking name was. But at the same time, I could have killed that motherfucker and I didn't. There were little things in me that knew it was a mistake. You know, we all make mistakes. And now you people are going to say to me, what about that guy that molested that fucking 16 year old girl? Was that a mistake? I don't know.

We weren't there. What he did was wrong. I'm talking about any generalities, generalities, I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying? Like sometimes people, you're saying to me that somebody who stabbed their grandmother for crack money, that was a mistake. I wasn't there. I don't know what they were thinking. I know if you talk to them five years after the fact, especially if there were drugs involved, especially if there were drugs involved, a high level of drugs, your thinking is definitely off. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. I think you can always say that that that was a wrong thing to do. But maybe you're saying that they're not a bad person. Maybe the person, the person who stabbed their grandmother for crack money, like I could, I

mean, I don't know. Personally, I would that's always bad. But maybe they're they aren't cracking. They're not a bad person. Is that what you're saying? We never know. We never fucking know. Listen, man, most of the people can make crime. Let's say you have 100% of people who can make crime. Okay, I feel that, you know, maybe 30% can make crimes because of drugs. 30% can make crimes because of mental health. Mental health is a huge issue. 10% can make crimes because of mental health and drugs, whether or not the right dose, you know, because maybe a guy doesn't take the right dose or something, but he does a line of coke, he's off and running. We don't know that that guy is also on meds. We don't know that. So you have 30% that are fucking on drugs,

30% mental health, 10%. I'm giving this much, I'm giving 30% of people who are just fucking bad, people who are just fucking ignorant, you know, when I'm in a hotel on a Friday, and I come back sometimes fucking gangland design, you know, and if you get scared by fucking MSNBC, watch gangland when they give them their whole life to a gang. See, and that's a good example, because at 14, you just, I see it a lot where Paula lives. The key was very unlucky to be born there, and their dad and their brother are in that gang, so they join it just because they're 14, and that's what you do. So now when they're 30 and they've been in jail for 15 years, you're like, oh, that's a bad person. I see what you're saying,

they're not maybe a bad person at their core. But the actions I think can be seen as bad, but yeah, something like that, you're like, what the fuck? Thank God I did something that I had a light sign, I mean, I had a chance to overturn, I had a chance to apologize to the victim, I had a chance to apologize to myself, I had a chance to apologize to the universe, I understood the magnitude of what I had done. And if I was a bad person, it would have never happened again. But this is why you get tickets for speeding, because it nubs you, you know, if you speed every day like I do, we all do 60 or 70 on some side streets or whatever the fuck, you're gonna get nailed one day. And this is why I'm a firm believer in that sometimes,

like in my case, it worked out. In my case, every morning when I wake up, I thank the Lord, or whatever the fuck is up there in the universe for giving me another day. But by the time I walked through the shower, I'm pissing, I also thank that judge. I also thank that judge because he gave me belief. He gave me a second chance with the reconsideration motion, and I did the best I could for him. You know, I always think of that motion. I've always thought of that reconsideration motion, because I could have ended up in prison again. I thank myself every day that I end up with a fucking tattoo under my eye, talking about C block, how it going on in C block, are you fucking crazy? Yeah, there ain't nothing going on in fucking C block.

So like, what do you think? If there's a, if you think, let's say like the 30% of people are just bad, should we just keep them in jail? Like, what do you think about like the three strike law? They're not suitable for society. Yeah, they're not suitable for society, man. They're not suitable for society. If you can't keep it together, you have three, if I let you out twice, and you can't keep it together, you just proved to me that you can't keep it together. Right. We run a business here. Correct. If you were editing, and you missed work three times, you'd be fired. Yeah. That right. I'm not, and I'm not being too face it. That could be me. I could have stayed in Colorado, smacked John, but again, he kidnapped somebody, and then he fucking smacked

somebody. There's a pattern there. And thank God I've gotten into situations, but the cops have not come. I've gotten away before the cops came, you know, when I got caught eating pussy in that basement at that bar, the cops are coming. I know how to lude the cops the same way I know how to make a fucking crime. So thank God I didn't have police contact on a lot of those situations, because they might have made the wrong call. But if I really got a felony in California, it wouldn't have affected my three strike law. And a lot of people do that. They take their criminality on tour, bitch. Fucking, I got two strikes in New Jersey. I'll fly to fucking Miami and start all over again. I knew when I got out of there the first time that that, like I said to

you before, a lot of us don't know what the fuck we want to be, but we know what the fuck we don't want to be. We don't want to be that guy at 7-Eleven. We don't want to be that rich guy on the plane that makes a fucking big scene and throws his jacket and his pistol up because his seatbelt don't fucking work. We know who the fuck we don't want to be, and that's even better than knowing who the fuck we want to be some time. That's true. You know, so I knew when I got out of there, I did not want to spend my life. I love getting up at fucking 445 and driving over and drinking coffee and petting my cats. You don't pet no cats in prison, or maybe there's a couple fucking prisons to let your fucking pet take down. I understand what you're saying. But that's the

fucking word of the day, cock-suckers, all right? If you don't know what the fuck you want to be, at least know what the fuck you don't want to be. Do you hear what happened yesterday with the failed execution? Which one? I don't even know what he got executed. It was like Arkansas. I forget what state it was, but they were going to execute two people, and there's an issue going on right now because the people who used to make the drugs, like they got illegal, somehow they can't use the same drugs anymore, so they're trying to figure out a new mixture. They did it to one guy yesterday. His vein popped, and he like had a heart attack. It took him 45 minutes to die, so they cancelled the second one. I read that, and I was like, holy shit. I don't know how I feel, but on different days,

you'll ask me about the death penalty, and I'll go back and forth on it, but when you hear stuff like that, you're like, Jesus Christ. You want to believe an eye for an eye, but on some situations, you're like an eye for an eye. I don't fucking know. If God forbid somebody killed a friend of mine's family member, and we couldn't get our hands on them, a child, something, and we couldn't get our fucking hands on them, what do you do? Do you really rest because somebody's dead? Do you really rest because somebody's doing time in prison? It's easy to say, yeah, do the death penalty, but then you're like, well, could I press the button? Does it? It's crazy. When I was younger, I used to be totally for it, but now I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's a weird thing to tell somebody

they're going to die, and then this happens, but the freaking guy's vein explodes. He has a heart attack 45 minutes later. No, it's just, listen, what the fuck are you going to do? You kill somebody, you fucking got to die. You do something heinous, they're going to fucking kill you in this fucking country, and that's the way it is. It's not one of my main beliefs, because that could have been me for the grace of God, that could have been fucking me, but no, it wouldn't have fucking been me, but I'm just saying, I don't know how. But what if you went back into the house with that gun, because you said you were going to the car to get a gun? Do you ever think about that? Like, what if you made the- I think about that every day, Lee. I think about those two minutes every

fucking day. I ain't gonna lie to you. What made you change your mind? Every day when I go in my car, when I see that car and I look at a trunk, I think of that situation every day. I can't lie to you. That situation haunted me for years. It haunted my manhood. It haunted whether or not I was a fucking pussy. It haunted me for years, and the answer is here I am 30 years later. Here I am 26 years later. That's the only answer I had for that. That was one of the toughest decisions in my life. And I was under the drugs, and I had the drugs in my system. You know, they weren't in my system at that time, but they were so embedded in my system. I had anger in my heart. I had anger in my soul. I was mad at society. I was mad at my mother. I was mad at God. I was mad at everybody.

I wanted to be rich. I didn't want to work. I wanted to go to a bar every afternoon and buy everybody a drink at a bar. That's why I thought success was going to a bar and buying everybody a drink and being a life of the party and snorting coke. And I thought that's what it was. Get on a yacht, and that's not what it was. And thank, so part of me, thanks God for that day. I had the opportunity, I mean, Lee, it was fucking scary. It was scary because I went out and I put my hands in that gun, and I remember the tears coming out of my eyes. I thought about everything. For one minute, man, I thought about fucking everything, and it was scariest shit. It was one of the scariest things, and I wanted to shoot because I knew this was going to come back and haunt me. It was one

in the afternoon. You could hear a fucking pin drop. This was a low caliber gun. It was a small, like a 24. I don't even know. It was something smaller. I thought about all these variables, and then I thought about my Catholic faith. I thought about killing somebody. It's a mortal sin, but then I thought about karma. I lived in Boulder long enough at that time, and I had known about karma, little bits and pieces of it. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it existed at 27. I didn't want to believe it. I thought people were lying to me, but I had already seen bits and pieces of it, things that made me go, wow, and something. Maybe put that gun right back in the tire well, get in the car and drive away. I remember getting back to my apartment and thinking

to myself, my friends knew how much of a pussy I really was deep down inside, but I couldn't kill these two fucking faggots. Today, I thank God I didn't because I don't think I could handle it. Yeah, that must be a terrible thing to live with. All this shit I talked, and I don't think I could handle it. There's no way I could handle what you're taking two lives. It wasn't what I was cut out to be, man. I feel bad about it. When I step on a fly, when I kill a fly in my kitchen, and I feed him to Lulu, you know that, right? If I get a fly, I take these wings off, and I feed it to Lulu. And she torches him for a little while because it's science. It's evolution. I don't feel as guilty. I don't want,

you know, sometimes I leave the back door open when I'm cooking. I got to close the door, and I got fucking small, I got small fucking Ethiopian in my kitchen. I got a swarm of flies. You know what I'm saying? You ever had that? Like, for some reason. I don't have cat shit in there. They just come in. It's cool in there, whatever. Now I got to kill fucking flies. My wife opens up more windows and more come in. And there was a thing by the other, by the window, by the cat food, and they kept coming in there. I had to fucking put Scotch tape on it and crazy glue the window. I fixed it. I took the tape off. I hate how tape looks at things. So I fucking fixed it, and now I know if more flies come in. I hate fucking flies. One day I'll have been the pre-call.

He goes, one of my memories of you as a kid is you fucking sitting around for hours killing flies and putting them in a circle. Do you know the trick? Someone taught me this, and it works fucking like a good charm. Take apple cider vinegar in dish soap, and you mix the dish soap in, and it fucking attracts them. And apparently, the guy who told me it says that the soap makes it so they sink in and they can't get out of it. And I fucking, it gets rid of them. And you kill them and die right there. You can hear them going, help, help. I guess. I mean, you don't have to do anything. Just you go back two hours later and the cup is black. Like, it's fucking, I can't stand flies. Get it together, Lee. Look at you. You look stoned,

and you're not even stoned. No, I'm, I'm, I'm, because you don't fucking sleep. I do sleep. What did you eat yesterday? What did I eat yesterday? I met a, I had homus. I walked to get homus. That's it. That's it. That's it. I'm gonna fucking tell on it to make you a hummus pill. Oh, I would take it. What are the benefits of hummus? Look at it. I just want to know. I just want to know if hummus has any fucking benefits once and for all. Deliciousness. 10 reasons we should all be eating more hummus. Yeah. Let's see. Reason one, one. The nutrients in hummus could help you with weight management. Okay.

If you eat like your fingers, like a regular fucking Hindu, but if you eat potato chips with it and rub it all over your fucking stomach. Yeah. If chickpeas can lower cholesterol, hummus comes in a lot of awesome flavors. Natalie Portman is obsessed with it. No, this is not helping my chickpeas may help reduce your cancer risk. Eating hummus is part of the Mediterranean diet, which is super good for you. It's better to use on bread. It's easy to make your own. Is that the 10th best reason? I don't know. That really sucks. Here we go. Here's five health benefits of hummus. The nutritional benefits of hummus can be rooted down from each of its ingredients. Chickpeas are

healthy. They don't contain any cholesterol or fats. They're also rich in protein. They're effective in preventing buildup of cholesterol in the blood vessels. Apparently, tahini and olive oil are also pretty healthy. Garlic and lemon. And then let's see. Hummus as a whole contains omega three fatty acids. Has iron, vitamin B6, manganese, copper, folic acid and amino acids. Tryptophan and a whole bunch of shit. It's loaded with nutrients. Tryptophan. I don't know. Put it on Peter Brighton and give me some steak. It's fucking delicious. Get the fuck out. You would fucking like it. If you even if you didn't have the hummus, you'd like Mediterranean food. It's grilled meats. It's grilled meats and vegetables. Dog, how many times I tell you, I used to go to

how I was here. Exactly. So put the hummus on the side. They got the chicken, they got the fucking salad and they got that yellow rice. Hummus doesn't even smell. It doesn't even smell. Put the hummus Have you smelled your neck lately? Have I smelled my neck? No. Scratch your neck and sniff it real quick. Sniff it. Delicious. It smells like fucking hummus. No, I wish it did. It smells like hummus and Chick-fil-A. Who the fuck are you kidding? Who the fuck are you? That's what they told you, the 10 best reasons to eat hummus. How about the 10 best reasons why not to eat hummus? You ready? Let me get a pen. You smell like shit. How much does it taste? You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. And guess what number 10 is?

It tastes delicious. You smell like more shit. Listen, get your life fucking together, cuckuck. But plain and simple. You want to get your life together, start with honor. Honor ain't fucking around. Go to honor.com. Look at the products they got. Just sit, look, read. I don't give a fuck how long it takes you. You're sitting on the computer looking at some fucking microscope that don't mean dick. You might as well go to honor and take care of yourself. Start with the alpha brain. Get the smallest bottle. Take couple of those. Got a money back guarantee. You don't fucking like it. You send it back. That's all I got to tell you. You're gonna love it. You're gonna love how you feel. You're gonna love how your zoners are going. Then you go to the strong bone, you go to the immune.

If you're around a lot of stinky, filthy fucking kids, or you're around some fucking people who fucking don't bathe in the dirty, take the immune... Shumtech immune. Shumtech immune. If you want more energy, get there to shumtech sport, you'll be jumping up and down for fucking hours. You understand me? They got kettlebells. They got ropes. They got digestimes. They got fucking protein powders. They're hemp horse. They got protein bonds. I mean listen, they're doing things you wouldn't even dream of fucking nutrition companies doing. Start now get them with them now. Go to joeydears.net, go to the honor, box and press church CH, U R C H. Get 10% off. If you like the flows that much, the powders or whatever fuck you're taking. Sign up for honor. What's the name of the

the problem. Stay on it every month. You get the package delivered to your door. The first of the month, you get 20% off. Who's better than you? All right. Number two, well, you be the wise guy. Number two, dollar shave club. When I was on the set yesterday, I swear to God, three guys that were playing Italian guys started talking about shit razors and all these fucking razors and this and that, how expensive they are and what they've been doing. I looked at all three of them and I go, you guys go to dollar shave club? Yeah. They just looked at me like, what? I go, listen, $1, $6 and $9. You get the fucking handle. They're like, is it a plastic handle? Is it light? I go, no, you could use two of them

as fucking new checks. All right. You get those fucking handle. Plus they send you four blades a month. Let's say you only use two a month. You want to put them on hold. You could push them back. You could fucking have a back stock. If there's an earthquake today, I'm shaving till 2094. I got more fucking razors and CVS. You understand me? Plus they come right to your house. Cheap price, a dollar a month. You still get the four razors that I think they're double blades, correct? Include shipping. Include shipping. A dollar a fucking month. $6 a month. You get the double razors, sharpened and sent right to your door. $9 a month. You get a double blade with the aloe strip. If you want the fucking one wipe Charlies to

clean off your helmet after your pee, because when you get older, your pee stinks like fucking 10 dead fucking loolies. I don't even know what the fuck they smell like. What the fuck do you want me to say? What do you want me to say? It smells fucking terrible, your fucking helmet. That's what I'm trying to tell you. So the one wipe Charlies, they also have the cocoa butter shave, which the chick and makeup had yesterday. That cocoa butter stuff that looks like it doesn't even look like shaving cream. You can see it's clear. You could see it's fucking clear. Guys, go to Dollar Shave Club or go to Joey Diaz.net. Pressing church in the box. C-H-U-R-C-H. You're not going to be sorry. People fucking love me over this Dollar Shave Club. I'm saving your money.

If you go with a $6 package, it's what? $72 a fucking year. $72 a year. That's when you spend two times if you go to a pharmacy or one of those fucking rip off fucking centers. That's all I have to tell you. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Number two, I just finished my Sesame fucking sticks from Nature's Box and I put another order in. I order those things. I'm not just, you know, they send me a couple, but then I pay because I get the 50% off like everybody else does if they use that code. What's the code? Joey. Joey in the code for naturesbox.com. Let me tell you something. Cocoa almonds, the plain tang chips, it never ends with them. The black and white granola, I just finished again the other. It never ends with them. Every snack is delicious,

the nutritionist approved, the fucking spicy pistachios are delicious. That Tex mix, they got this fucking delicious dog. I've never had a bad thing. The Apple Fig Newtons, my daughter fucking goes bananas. She'll sit there like a fucking Momo for an hour, like a Coke Fiend. Go to naturesbox.com or go to jojds.net and press. Joey. Who's better than fucking Lisa? Look at me. You're looking on a show. What are you going to do today, Lee? I'm going to move the office. I'm going to take a nice shower today. You're going to put a little buffer in your head. You got suntan lotion? No. We're going to get you some number four suntan lotion. Am I long enough to get burned? We're going to start getting burned. I'm going off like 30 minutes today.

It's a new you. It's a new me. It's a new you, bro. These days are over. You rip a little suntan lotion out there for half an hour when you come back. You look like a rich Jew. You ever see a Jew with a suntan? Always. They look tremendous. The sun agrees with fucking Jews. They're out in the desert. In my mind, the sun agrees with the fucking Jews. It's in your blood. You can't deny. You just got to take advantage of it. That's why I tell you everything. You'll be a better, happier Jew if you're out there. When they killed Jesus, they were happy. Were they inside? No, they were probably outside. They were outside. They killed Jesus outside. Who's better than me? The answers are right there in the book. When you go outside from now on, you put your little

fucking thorn helmet on. You put some suntan lotion and you walk around your neighborhood. You look at people, you wave, vote for me. Vote for me. That's what I say. Fuck these young guys. We're going with the old school Jews. We're going to make a fucking hat out of thorns and stuff over the holidays. I think that's the way to go. Somehow I don't think that's going to be a great teller. Bro, listen. It's different, all right? Some people get the thorns in their arms like a tattoo. Fuck it. Get the thorns. You could buy them when we're on Christmas and shit. That's a real Jew. Think about that. If you were a badass Jew in your own half of the fucking world, what would you put on your hat? A yamka and be like the other Jews? No. You push the envelope.

You go one step deeper. With thorns? With thorns. Put thorns on your own hat, a little blood coming down on your head. Who's going to stop you? Does it still have the finger with the blood diving on it? Fuck yeah. When you talk to the audience, when you go to the audience morning, do you think they're going to ask you if you got a reservation? Fuck, they got thorns on your head. Do you understand me? I don't think they're going to know. I don't think they're going to call the cops. What are the cops going to do? You only put thorns on your own head. That's a real Jew. They'll take you to the intensive asylum and they put you in a little padded room. Are you crazy? That's how the real Jews hang. Also, let's give a shout out to my main fucking

people, naileditlife.com, pumping, killing you motherfuckers at that high level vapor pen. It's a vapor pen I use, not in here no more, but it's the one I fucking use. Take it on the road with me. I got an extra one for backup. I don't fuck around. You could use the wax or you could use the tube. Either way, you're getting fucking stoned to the gills. Go to naileditlife.com, press what in the box and get 20 fucking percent off. I think it's 50 to start with. Get 20 percent off. That's another 10 percent. That's $40 for the best vapor pen in the fucking market. Stop lying to yourself. Go to naileditlife.com. If you bump into them on one of your shows, mention Joe. He'll give you a fucking 250 milligram goomy bed just for saying hello.

Who does that to you? When was the last time you said hello to somebody and they hit you with a 250 milligram goomy bed? You understand me? The people we hang out with can suck it. They don't fuck around. They don't fuck around. What's up with you, bitch? Nothing. I brought you a mild one today. That's how much I love you. That's why you hurt my feelings this morning. No, I'm not stuttering. All I'm saying, I have to move this office and tonight I'm going to go fucking bananas. You are the baddest motherfucker walking this earth right now. Yeah. You could rub this edible. I'm going to give you on your face and still be an animal. When I give you an edible, that's the attitude you need to have. Joey's giving me an edible. So what? I'm going to eat this fucking

thing and I'm going to move straight ahead like fucking. I'm fine, but your edibles are fucking strong as hell. I give you mild ones. I give you mild ones. You give me one mild one in the history of edibles. Look what I'm giving. Look what I'm giving you today. I brought you something so fucking nice today. This is a killer. This is a killer. Read what this is. That's a killer. Look what I'm going to give you. I'm going to give you. Look at that. It's an energy. What do I do with my buddy? What did you say that? Sensey. What did you say that? Energy. I don't know. I can read that. That's how I take care. You know how many milligrams in the whole thing? How many? 25. Okay. That's how much I take care of you. This is the news thing. I took this the other night.

Very mild. They have a sativa. They have a fucking indica and they have one. You see this? You think I'm kidding you. You see this is what it says? Sleep aid. This one will fuck you up. It's like 2,000 milligrams. This one here. Hybrid. That one will fuck you up. But this one here, this is for the morning. This is a get up and go type shit. Okay. See it says energy. What do I lie to you? I take care of my fuck. Bro, I love the juice. What do you think you do? You think I'm like Donald Sterling, Jr.? Is that what you're accusing me of? That I would poison you, cuckucker? With my positiveness and my negativenessness? I love you too much, you fuck. Let me do some shout outs to some beautiful people here. Robert Silver,

cocksucker, Alex Zamora, Gil Salcedo, Raised by Wolves, Don Faviano, Somali Ramach, your birthday, 22. Go jump up and down, you fuck. And Steven Sum, I love you too. Don't forget we're at the ice house tonight, Lee. I need you to find up at the ice house. I'm going to eat this for you. I'm getting booked up there. Okay. No, I'm okay. I can't. When you told me, because we usually, like, your fans are like the stoners, so they'll show up and they'll buy tickets that night. And we, I think we sold out last time right before we got there. But when you called me yesterday, I didn't even know what you were talking about. They called me. I don't know what they were talking about. I'm just on a movie. I'm in the fucking trailer. Yeah, you called me,

you're like, we sold out. I'm like, I was like, do that mean we're gonna, and you said they put us in the bigger room. I thought you meant we sold out like we sold out and got a nicer office? I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Look at that. That's beautiful. But, uh, yeah, so I'm, I couldn't be more upset. I'm gonna eat it. Fucking relax. I fuckin, why do you give me stuff that's not gummies? Because if I give you a gumway too strong, oh, that's chocolate. It's good stuff right there. It's got cocoa butter. It's not good stuff. That's the best way chocolate is like shit.

Look at you, look at the fucking savage, you know what I'm saying, look at you, you're tougher than fucking Nels these days, I don't even make juice like you don't know, I love you to death, cocksucker. So yeah, so and then we're going to, we're going to be at the ice house, I can't, I can't fucking wait. I can't wait either, I have a great show tonight, it's going to be rocking and rolling, next week I'm at the Cabo Back Canyon Casino in Santa Fe, New Mexico and the week after that the Flying Jewel and myself are taking a jet to Austin, Texas, leaving a stand on life

at three and a half hours. Oh, I've heard it's great, I've heard it's worth it. Everybody that's on, been on TV, I know you said Ari went there and said it was delicious. Ari went and said he was fucking tremendous, how many fucking pounds of briskety can he eat? I don't know, I've always, I like ribs a lot, I like briskets, briskets good, I don't know why people always try to push it, every time I go somewhere they say get the pulled pork, I don't like pulled pork.

I don't like pulled pork either. So but briskets, ribs, ribs, I think I'm going to try ribs, I don't know what they have. A couple ribs, little briskets and shit, we're going to go swimming, bring you a little bikini, you got bikini. Fuck yeah. I don't like flames coming out of the asshole or something like that. I got a juice, start one. Jesus.

Ah, fuck dehydration, we're eating elbows here, it's the church of what's happening now. Next time you see us, we'll be in a new office for two or three weeks, maybe for two weeks we're going to do different ones, did you get the microphone? Yeah. You ordered it? Yes. And when is it coming? I'll have it by Monday.

That's why I love you cucksuckers, so we're going to be starting, you have two of them to do an outside one right now. Do you want me to get another one, three of them are in three? No, because we're going to need one for Monday morning, we're going to do a podcast. Yeah, you know, I'll have it for Monday, I'll have it. So we're going to start doing podcasts from a coffee shop, having coffee with some fucking, you're going to have coffee with us from now on, you understand me? Fresh live, we're going to figure out a way to bring it to you, no matter what.

We'll be in an office in about 10 days, until then we're going to give you two unorthodox ones, don't be mad at us, but there'll still be the church of what's happening now. And the live one will be up too. And the live one will be up, so we ain't fucking around, right? We ain't going nowhere, we're just moving offices. It was time for us to move and spread and fucking get crazy with you cock suckers. So we're happy, you're stuck it out and you took the ride and that you love us and we love you and all that shit.

I want to thank our sponsors on it. Dollar Shave Club naturesbox.com nailed it. Life fucking Hulu plus escape pod tank. I love all you cock suckers. Thank you for giving us love and thank you for listening all week and for being hit with us. I know today was kind of a weird podcast where we tried to cover some shit. Was it okay?

Yeah, I like podcasts that talk about real issues. I don't know. I fucking listen, man, he he's in ha ha's that he he's in ha ha's come from the fucking podcast. If you can't take a joke, take a shuttle. Have a great week cock suckers. Stay black. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com.

Get high quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joeideas.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And now that the show's over, remember to go to naturebox.com in order. Great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off snacks, smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off for your first order.

Go to naturebox.com and use promo code Joey naturebox.com promo code Joey. And again, thank you to nail that life. Go there to get the premier vapor pen on the market. Mention Joey Diaz, no spaces and get 20% off. Oh, shit, oh, shit. Have a great day. The message, bitch. It's like a jungle sometimes.

It makes me wonder how I keep from going on. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going on. Broken glass everywhere. People pissing on the stage. You know, they just don't care. I can't take the smell. Can't take the noise.

Got no money to move on. I guess I got no choice. Rats in the front room. Roaches in the back. Junkies in the alley with the baseball bat. I tried to get away, but I couldn't get far. Cause a man with a touch up, he possessed my car. Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge.

I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. Standing on the front stoop, hanging out the window, watching all the cars go by. Roaring as the views blow. Crazy lady living in the bag, eating out of garbage bags. Used to be a fag hag, such a dastard tangle. Skip the life and dangle with zircon prints to seem to lost her senses.

Down at the peep show, watching all the creeps. So she could tell her stories, took the girls back home. She went to the city and got so so sedated. She had to get a pet, she couldn't make it on her own. Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. My brother's doing fast on my mother's TV. Says she watches too much. He's just not healthy. All my children in the daytime, balanced at night. Can't even see the game or the sugar rate fight. The bill collectors, they ring my phone and scare my wife when I'm not home.

Got a blunt education, double digit inflation, can't take the train to the job. There's a strike at the station. I'm King Kong, standing on my back. Can't stop to turn around, broke my sacri-iliac. I'm nick-ranged, migraine, cancer, membrane. Sometimes I think I'm born and seen. I swear I might hijack a plane. Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge.

I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. My son said, Daddy, I don't want to go to school. Cause a teacher's a jerk. He must think I'm a fool.

And all the kids grow rougher. I think it'd be cheaper if I just got a job. Learn to be a street stripper. I'll dance to the beat. Shut for my feet. Wear my shirt and tie. And run with the creeps. Cause it's all about money.

Ain't a damn thing funny. You got to have a con in this land of milk and honey. They pushed that girl in front of the train. Joke her to the doctor, so to arm her again. Stab that man right in his heart. Gave him a transplant for a brand new scar. I can't walk through the park cause it's crazy after dark. Keep my hand on my gun cause they got me on the run.

I feel like an outlaw broke my last last jar. Hear them say, you want some more living on the sea. So don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Say what? It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. It's like a jungle sometimes.

It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. A child is born with no state of mind. Blind to the ways of mankind. Got a smile on you, but he's frowning too. Because only God knows what you'll go through. You'll grow in the ghetto, living second rate. And your eyes will sing a song cause they hate the places you play. And where you stay looks like one great big alleyway.

You'll admire all the number book takers. Thugs, pimps and pushers and the big money makers. Job and big cars, spending 20s and 10s. And you want to grow up to be just like them. Smugglers, scramblers, burglars, gamblers, pickpocket, peddlers, even panhandlers. You say I'm cool, I'm no fool, but then you wind up dropping out of high school.

Now you're unemployed, all non void, walking around like your pretty boy Floyd. Turn stick up kids, but look what you done did. Got sent up for eight year bid. Now you're manhood is took and you're a make tax. Been the next two years as an undercover fact. Being used and abused to serve like hell to one day. You was found, hugged, dead in the cell.

It was pain to see that your life was lost. You was cold and your body swung back and forth. But now I sing the sad sad song of how you lived so fast and died so young. So don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep on going under.

It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep on going under. Yo, Mel, you see that girl, man? Yo, that sound like Cowboy, man. Yo, what's up, money? Now, we ain't been squealing, right? He ain't mad, he's cool enough. So what's up for the night, y'all?

Yo, we can go down to the feeble, man. Check out Juva, man. Yo, you know that girl, Betty, yeah, man. Come on, dog, dog, man. Stop it, you got hurt, man. I ain't got nothing, women. I ain't free, don't nobody move nothing. Y'all know what this is, y'all?

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