Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #179 - Joey Diaz, Rudy Moreno and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 21, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt welcome comedian Rudy Moreno for the first time. Joey and Rudy talk about what it was like starting comedy and the state of Latino comedy in LA. This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 05/21/2014.

This show is sponsored by DollarShaveClub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com slash church, that's DollarShaveClub.com slash church, or just go to joeideas.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also sponsored by Nature Box, where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks matter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey, that's naturebox.com promo code joey, and lastly the show is also sponsored by naileditlife.com. For all the oil and wax smokers out there,

for the premier vapor pen on the market, go to naileditlife.com, mention joeideas, and get 20% off. Wednesday, May 21st, the day the devil was lit on fire, that fucking cocksucker right here. Bam, but fuck the whole day. It's pretty creepy, we have a little house like a stage where the devil gets better than sea, but fuck that cocksucker. So Wednesday, get it together, pick your socks up, brush your teeth, wash your ass, polish your toenails, do something, get out there and stab a motherfucker. Ozzy Osbourne, 1969, dropping on you like a fucking savage when he was John Osbourne. Hiddedly, kick this motherfucker, Lee. If this don't get your heart pumping, nothing will. Last time I listened to this, I mucked a fucking shoe shine man,

let's do it. Fuck it, $18 is $18. I don't give a fuck. Hit it. What? Wiggle, Lee, this is it. Don't leave. What? Vapors, bong hits, heroin hits, whatever you got we need today. It's Wednesday. What? Kick it, Lee. Bapano, bapano, bapano. You should be rolling that first fucking number right now. I don't give a fuck if you got a little word, you're in a rush. Your mom's asshole's on fire. Everything in proportion. Like that fucking bong, and it's over. What's up, dog? Loving the fucking music in this black party. I was going to say, how much money could you possibly get from a shoe shine? $18, $19, whatever

the fuck. It's the way to start that day. I hit him with a shoe and wouldn't fuck it. I left him there. What do you want to do? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. You're in it, cock suckers. Get out there, smile, read a fucking book, do something. It's better than just sitting there with a thumb up your ass, waiting for fucking, you know, the looser for the show up with an opportunity. It ain't going to happen, dog. It's 2014, cock suckers. What's happening, Lisa? You smiley motherfucker. What's going on here? Nothing. I feel great. It's amazing. People always ask me how I can do this. I love doing this. I mean, when the alarm clock goes off, I'm like, eh, but as soon as I get here, it's always happy. What's fucking alarm clock? I

haven't had an alarm clock go off in years. You just wake up. You just wake up. What the fuck? It's all right. I got up at three and then I slept in the alarm clock. It sounded like fucking debt. The alarm clock goes off at debt. You ever get the alarm clock going off? You don't know where the fuck you are. You're like, what the fuck? Well, that must happen to you with you being on the road so much. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and look, and it's not the pictures on your wall. That's how you could, you know what I'm saying? It's rough, but I'm home for two weeks. Had a good time yesterday. Met with Jessica. She's going to expedite the book. It was fucking great. I broke down when I was talking to her

because I wanted to understand what I wanted this book to be, basically. I want people to feel what I felt until I was 27, because that's what I know people feel in the general. What I felt was nothing different than what people feel when you're confused. You want to do something with your life. You got no help. You don't even know what the fuck you want to do. That's the sad thing. Yeah. When you're at that age where you don't even know what the fuck you do and you're scared to think about it for yourself, and then it gets clearer. So I want to draw that picture. I really want to get that picture written well because I want people to read that and go, Jesus fucking Christ. You know what I'm saying? If this is what he was going through, I ain't going through dick.

I ain't going through shit. We always think of what we're going through is like the top, the worst thing. People go through shit every fucking day and people go through worse shit. What are those girls? What are those fucking kidnapped girls going through? Fucking African girls with flies on them smelling shit on a farm right now. And you're worried about a fucking, you don't have the right nail color for your fucking toenails. Sometimes you don't really put in perspective how lucky we are. So that's it. What's up with you, cock sucker? Went to Jiu Jitsu yesterday? You did? Wow. Yeah, I went to Jiu Jitsu. I took some, I'll tell you man, and it's hard to believe I took Shroom Tech yesterday and I went to Jiu

Jitsu. First off today, I feel fucking great. We were learning a move yesterday where it was like a guard retention, but my top leg goes over instead of the leg slicing and I had to throw like a thousand roundhouse kicks. We were drilling it and I feel fucking great today. But while I was there before I left, there was only two guys my size. One guy was sore from the night before, so I rolled with one guy and five minutes was like nothing. I wasn't even fucking breathing. I didn't have to tap, nothing. My ear was fine. Actually, I did a couple more hip escapes. It's amazing how much, you know, some guy wrote today, maybe a nice guy, he goes, the vape is for you, almost as bad as the weed. I'll tell you what isn't as bad as the weed is the smoke. There's

no more smoke coming into my lungs. And I'm going to tell you something right now. With all the little things I do, I knew that with the epileptical, with the fucking Jiu Jitsu and with the kettle bells on the timer, my cardio would increase and my breathing would get better. But I'll tell you what, guys, it didn't. And I knew that there was something going on. Either there was a vitamin I was deficient at, either there was one of my valves and my heart was fucked up, or I had to stop smoking. So I said, let me do the easiest one without getting the worst bad news. Let me stop smoking. And guys, the cardio has gone up, you know, 30, 40 percent. You know, I'm not dying no more. I woke up the stairs now and I'm not fucking huffing and puffing, just on a regular

day. So it wasn't the vape or anything. It was the smoke. The smoke was damaging my fucking lungs. Three, four, five fucking years ago, I got a lung experience. They told me I had the beginnings of endosteema. You could hear it. So what the fuck? You know what I'm saying? So you have to do something. I want to live. I want to be around. I want to be able to go to the park with Mercy, you know, as you saw last night at fucking 8.30. It never ends. And she's in bed by eight o'clock every night. At 20 or nine, she was fucking dancing to Wally Kazam. At nine, she was dancing to Wally Kazam. And Lee was like, what the fuck is going on? There was people in the house. She's fucking moving. It's really amazing, aren't we?

Yeah, it was crazy. And you were fine doing what you did to it with your knee because I know your knee is kind of fucking hurting you right now. Well, I'll tell you what happened. My knee hurts. But what are my options to sit in the house and milk and cry? So what I did was I found a way to work out without it fucking killing me. So I'll go, I'll stretch it out real well. I'll put a brace on it. And then when I get home, I elevated. Last night, I took two of leaves, you know, when I got home, one of leaves to loosen the pain a little bit. What is this, a fucking earthquake? Again, that's all I need. I took those one last night and I go every other day. Yesterday, I had nothing. And I just couldn't blow off another John Evan class, you know, on a Tuesday, because

usually I work out on Mondays on my Tuesday, my knees kind of swollen. I go to fucking acupuncture. I went yesterday and it was one of the best classes I went to. I laughed, you know, I hopped and popped, I sweat. I went home, my gi was fucking wet. Once my gi is wet, that's what I go for. I strive for my underwear being wet. I strive for my knee pads being sweaty. Then I know I sweat everywhere, you know, when you have something on top of you sweating. But when I got home yesterday, I got bad news. I got a Facebook message from a girl in the doctor's office, I'm very tight with. And she told me my knee was no bueno to call for an appointment ASAP, because he was going, he was going, he wasn't in the office the rest of the week. So I called and made an appointment

for Tuesday at one. So let's see what really is going on in my knee. But you know what, I knew I needed something. Something is not right in there. I'm no doctor to tell you what's in there. It could be a variation of things. I'm walking. I've learned to deal with it. You learn to deal with it, you know. And you know that the more you sit down, when you have an injury like that, the more you sit and think about it the worse it gets. And the best thing you could do is to give that injury blood. The more blood you give that injury to heal, you know, just a little stretch, just a little something that'll heal that injury. And I really believe that, you know, I was watching the UFC countdown with Ronnie Waller and he fought the beard on a Saturday night for the

championship. And that Monday he went to work out. And he said, I went to work out to get some blood in the muscles to relieve the soreness and that. And sometimes I feel my wrist was hurting Monday and Monday into Sunday and Monday. I went to Jiu-Jitsu yesterday. It doesn't hurt as much today. You give it blood, you exercise it. You know, that comes a point where you know what's excessive pain or it's too much. And you have to stop with this. Some, some things sometimes they just stick because the muscle around it hard. You got to break that fucking seal and put some blood in that motherfucker cock stuck up. And that was it, my brother. That was a, it was a really non, I wrote some jokes. I play with, you know, when I come home on these weekends,

I really enjoy that. I enjoy playing with Mercy and watching cartoons. And she loses her mind when fucking Wally Kazam comes on. Doesn't she? She giggles by herself. She's been giggling over Wally Kazam by herself for two months. I mean, not while I was, me and my wife, look at these, they're like, fucking Wally's that funny, but Wally is fucking funny. The little bird on there, that's fucking hilarious, that show. And the problem with Wally Kazam is there's only a couple fucking episodes. So she watches repeats. They only put like, they only squeeze out like one episode every two fucking weeks. Like last week was Victor the fucking villain. How many times have I watched Victor the fucking villains in the last week? I know it by fucking memory. She's

just looking at me like it's the first time every time, which is very, it's very, you know, it's great to see that. It's like the first time she hears a song. That's so funny. So what the fuck? I don't know the vapor, the vapor's got to me. Sure. That's what they're supposed to do. I'm supposed to give you a little blood to your fucking, blood vessel to your fucking brain, cocksucker. What do you got planted? Are you going to do some jumping jacks thing? Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm looking at a couple apartments after this and then Paula is coming over, but we've been talking. She just started working out. So we're going to go take a couple walks together and start doing that together and uh-oh. What are you going to do?

We're going to work out that thing. Just do, just we'll go on some walks. No, I mean she, she's been doing that DVD tape. So she's going to bring it. Maybe we'll try it out. Who knows? Absolutely. We're going to have to wait until you give her the high hard one. You get that monkey nice and smiling. She's been studying. Like a savage. She's been studying for two months. So it's been like maybe once a week. I'll see her. So this weekend's going to be fun. You're going to see her all weekend? Yeah. It's over. You're breaking out the rows. You're going to rub her feet. You're going to throw grapes. I'm not going to have to get a robe again. You can't sit there in the way and you're fucking with no shit on it. It's embarrassing. If you put a robe on,

you look fucking distinguished like fucking Humphrey Bogut. You want to look like some mook. You want to look like Humphrey Bogut. I guess I'm going to look like Humphrey Bogut. Okay then. Then fucking get the robe. You put your name on it like a Jewish star. You got a couple of them. So when you travel, people see the pride you have. What if I can do a walk around with it on at the airport? Fuck it. Why not? If that's what it calls for. You know what I'm saying? Who walks around with a robe? It might be like everybody else. Be original. Will you walk around too? Why not? Keep them flag on it. Keep them flag. Picture a fucking dick upside down. Something. Just let these fucking people know who's running the shit. You know what

I'm saying? Oh my. So it's pretty crazy that the bug is coming together because I mean when you think about it, you've been working on it for years. Fucking years. Trying to figure out what's important. We had the first guy calling a while ago. Yeah. Figure out what's important and what's not important. It's, you know, I don't want to tell the stories that people know already. I want to tell more of the people of my state of mind. You know, and it was fear. It was just fear. You know, you hit it on the head. You said you got to open up the chapter with that story after you got thrown out of the benders, walking down the hill to runnies. You know what I was thinking? I'm like, this is not going to work. This is my second home that I'm living in. You know,

I'm a senior in high school. I'm a junior in high school. You know, I'm working. I was just, I made every fucking mistake at that level. You know, I just did every stupid kid mistake there is, you know? Do you think the way you, the childhood you had made it easier for you not to judge people because like thinking about it, just even going to jail, it's easy for me to like, I think people, I judge a lot like this, this kid who I went to high school with who's been in and out of jail. And then like, you start judging him and like, you really shouldn't, but I mean, it's the easiest. It's kind of like the easiest thing to do is complain. When you judge, you're giving up. That's what you're doing. You're giving up on somebody. Listen,

man, encouragement is the biggest thing you give somebody. You know, Sam Tripoli put out a CD last night. Oh, cool. And I, well, he put it out yesterday. It's number three right now. And I talked to him yesterday, you know, and he called and he was very humble. He goes, can you help me? How can you tweet it? And it's funny how I'm really proud of Sam Tripoli. I really am. And my heart guys, I really fucking am. I, I, I stole him the night Sam walked into the fucking comedy store. One of the biggest lessons in comedy I got was from Sam one night when he went up there. He was a young kid and he was up there talking about doing ecstasy with Chinese people and these fucking people were old and they weren't getting them. And I'm in the back howling because

of what the situation is. He's pitching it like he's a fucking Carnegie Hall. Yeah. He's fucking pitching these jokes. Like he's a Carnegie Hall talking about ecstasy and jumping up and down the rave and some chicks off his dick and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And these people were fucking 90, but it was the comedy store was dark. So he couldn't see it. He couldn't see the audience. Okay. So do you understand? I've seen what Sam Tripoli's done when you, you know, you, you see all these people that want to come into this town and be fucking pirates. They want to be talent pirates. They want to come into this town and make this shit happen. And in three years, they fucking, not even two years, they're gone. They're gone. You know, and I saw this millions of

fucking time. So to see somebody like Sam Tripoli come here, you know, he opened for Pablo for a while, whatever he went on to do his own thing. Sam, you know, he's part of that squad. He goes to, you know, he did the podcast with Joey yesterday. He's at the store, you know, Sam's out there banging every night. I like these guys that try to contact me and they either want to go on the road or do the podcast or do this. I know they're doing it half-assed. They're doing everything fucking half-assed. And in a way, I feel bad because I'm not helping them, but what would my help do? What would this fucking podcast do for them? Give them a couple of things. They're gonna keep doing the same habits they've been doing. When you see somebody who's out there, but you know,

Sam still does the fucking naughty show. Sam has a fucking podcast on Playboy. Sam has this, Sam has that. You know, and I was just really proud of him, man. I could hear it in his voice saying, Joey, thank you. That's encouragement. You know, I'm a firm believer that, listen, if you go up to somebody and go, hey, man, I have an idea. I want to rob a bank and shoot the teller in the head. Don't encourage me. You know what I'm saying? Don't go, that's a great fucking idea, Joey. But if somebody comes to you and goes, you know, can I talk to you about something hard to heart? Because I know it's happened to people that listen to this podcast. Listen, man, this fucking job I got here, it pays okay, but I'm not happy. I think I'm going to be a fucking

printer. I think I want to go back to school and be a printer and print brochures and open up my own business. There's some people that are looking and go, you know what, you're a 43 year old fucking loser. What are you going to do with your life? Those people, it's the person who looks in the angle. Listen, bro, it's going to be rough, but I believe in you. I believe in you, man. Go for it. And you give you a hug and we have a snapple and everybody goes home. But that little thing, that's a huge encouragement. Encouragement from your family, but sometimes you don't get, you know what I'm saying? Because they think they care about you. They want you to be secure. They want you to get the definite route, the high percentage career, which is going to school and getting a

job. That's high percentage. Not anymore though. Not in this society. Not anymore. It's not guaranteed. You know, Paul is very lucky. She's going to go to law school and do this and get a job. She's probably going to get it. She's got an internship this summer, which pays at the DA's. No, it doesn't pay. But the crazy thing is, she's not guaranteed. There's someone in her law school class who's 40 something now, just because there were no jobs. But I read articles all the time how a lot of law schools, like some girl was actually suing her law school because they promised, like she felt like she didn't get the job she was supposed to get. But was that girl going out at every fucking day? Oh yeah. Did she do it? You know, I could give you the fucking horse. If you don't get

on it and fucking do 90 miles an hour, what good is having a fucking horse? Right. You follow me? There's people that, you know, there's people that do not know. You know, you and I are learning a valuable lesson that the gift of hustling is not a gift everybody has. Not everybody had a sticky Charlie in their fucking life. Not everybody has those opportunities. Not everybody knows how to put those opportunities together. I was talking to Jessica yesterday and I was talking to her about when I used to rob the gas stations. You know, now I never robbed a gas station with a fucking gun. I drove around. I saw a gas station that needed help wanted. Okay. Number one, I had a buddy who worked at a gas station. So he gave me the names of people who got fired from the gas station for

stealing. Okay. I would take their names and I would go into a gas station. I would give a phony address and a phony phone number to a pay phone. So I would hustle. I would look around and drive around, look for fucking pay phones or walk around. And then I would go into this gas station when he was busy. Most of the ships in the gas station they're looking for are not nine to five. They're four to 12 or 12 to eight in the morning. Jesus. They're dying to fill those jobs. Because guess who's working that shift until you find somebody. You. You got three kids. You got two other gas stations. You know, you got a wife. You got a girlfriend. You got to order the gas. You got to order the but you follow me. Yeah. So I come in. I look decent and I go, Hi, I'm looking for a job.

What position are you looking for? Four to 12. Can you start today? I knew I had them. Even though I put the name on the fucking even though I put the name on the application and the address and the fight phone number, I gave it to the guy. The guy told me come back and fucking for even if he called the gas station and got a reference. We gave her the name to the manager. So they would call the gas station and ask for my body. You follow me and my buddy would say, by the way, when you call for the reference next time, it's this such and such. It was, we didn't even do it that way. I gave my buddy a different name. So if my buddy's name was James, I gave him Louie. I forget what the name was. So if they did call for a reference, I would always go for a job when he was working.

He would give them a reference and then they'd say, who am I speaking with? And he'd say, the only Lisa yet. So bam, I had the job and the reference. You understand me? So now I want to be the whole reason there's background checks now, right? I wouldn't have 330 Jersey and Portland Oregon are the only states that you have to pump gas. That's an attendant has to pump gas. So what I would do is I would go in there at 330, do the necessary paperwork, put my gas pumping suit on and I would work four to 12, you know, the cars start coming in at 430, 1000 and I would get a gas station that was strategically close to a turnpike. So people would have to stop in there and get fucking gas. You know, I remember getting the job out of the turnpike gas station one time.

I made a fucking 1200 bucks. Other ones that are on the gas station on the fucking turnpike. I took one of those down one time and it was hysterical. I would go work three hours, get two, three thousand dollars and then call George and one of my other friends to just pick me up and I tell them super or whatever that had to fucking go to the bathroom. Yeah, I get my fucking gas pumping suit off. I'd walk to the car and get in the car and I leave with 3000. Did you like keep a notebook? Like, okay, I can't go to this gas station ever again. I just knew it. I just knew it because I didn't do the gas stations in my neighborhood. You don't shit where you sleep. Okay. I would drive 30, 40 fucking miles to white gas stations, gas stations that didn't that I would never see again.

And you don't shit where you sleep. You don't shit your neighbor. This is your neighbor. You never cause a problem. And even I had that education. I still fucked up an 87 when I had the credit card at the mall in Boulder. Same thing. You never shit where you sleep. You go to the malls outside the area. Did you ever get like anxiety doing it? Like after as you were leaving, like do you never like anytime a sad one went by you want like just hearing about it makes me nervous. I was always scared. Now, walking around scared is one thing. Smoking a joint on top of fear is another. Oh my God. So at the end of the night, I would go to my hotel, wherever the fuck I was staying, my friend's house, I'd be high and in the middle of the high

that thought would come into my mind that I robbed the gas station today. And I put together in my mind all the possible scenarios and how they could catch me and my heart would beep and I get scared because I there's always a fuck up in every crime. There's a fuck up. There's too many variables. There's too many steps. You always do something wrong. That's why the cops try to retaste your steps and grab one of those steps. Did they not have cameras back then? No, not like now. Jesus. Not like now. In those days, they probably had a camera on the register and the guy who was taking the chains but not on the gas station. Fuck. And that's another crazy thing we were talking about last night about the money you were making and how you put the rest of your nose. Like so if you

robbed $3,000 in a couple hours, me as the Jew, but okay, I can get an apartment. You're still living in your friend's house. You're like, okay, I have $3,100 for food. Let's say I was living with George and I made $3,000 and I gave him $500 off the back. Okay. So I had George. Anything I needed, I had George. I didn't just give him 50 bucks. I gave him a nickel. Bam. Take a nickel. So that's $2,500. I'd probably buy some clothes, go for a nice steak dinner, talk some shit and I'd buy like an eight ball or two. So be gone in like a day. Three days. Jesus. And then I'd start all over again. Then there'd be another mind, fuck, I go borrow 500 from a loan shark, give him eight weeks and then go pay the fucking eight

weeks. So it was, it was fucking amazing. I lived my life when my heart beating every fucking minute. That's how I used to live my life. That's why I moved to Colorado. I slept at three weeks straight in 93. I told it was because I was getting acclimated. You get acclimated to the altitude, but no, it was because the stress level in my life, you know, just, just running when you're running a fucking gun and like that. I was watching one of those jail shows and they, they brought in like a homeless guy who was on drugs and they said, he was like, he was like acting up. So they put him in like a cell by himself and they said, well, he'll be asleep. He'll sleep it off. Like, and they said, like that's sometimes the best sleep they get is in jail

because they don't always have to be looking over their shoulder, which was crazy for me to even think about. Like the best sleep you'll get is in prison. They don't have that condition. You know, they have a little cool. I mean, they maintain it cool. You're not going to sweat off fucking. No, but I'm just saying, like, you don't have to like keep looking over your shoulder. No, I'm just a joke. It's a joke. Cucksuck. I'm too far. I'm dialed in here. Cucksuck. It takes them on vapids. Jesus Christ. You need a couple of vapids to get your fucking day going, but it's just really weird how I did that for a long time and never fucking flinched it. And I must have done 15 of them in fucking three months, 15 of those fucking things in three months.

And they can never, you know, what are you going to fucking do, man? It was just a part of growing up. That's what the book is going to be. You know, I mean, like I said, I want the people to understand what I went through from 79 to 85, which was fucking every every motion, every emotion, every fucking fear possible. You know, it's like when you see the Godfather and Michael's about to shoot, uh, Salatzo and the fucking police captain, you know, I've always said it when he walks out of that before he walks out of the bathroom, there's a train stopping, screeching his brakes, but at the same time, it's him going deaf. You know, it's that screeching sound like you just hear like your heart and your heart, your adrenaline, everything gets to this fucking

level where they just don't connect anymore. It's like an equalizer. You know, an equalizer is equal. Your mind, you're about to do something bad. Your mind knows it. Your heart knows it. Your soul knows it. Your heart's fucking beaten. Your adrenaline's up. You know, it's, it's this fucking feeling. You're a hunter. You're a fucking hunter and you're hunting a human or you're, you're about to do something fucking bad. You don't know what the level of height is in that. I don't, yeah. You have no idea. It's bigger than junk. Just me thinking about it. I get scared sometimes. Like just the level of waiting for somebody in an alley, you know, about to take, you know, kicking a drug dealer's door, you know, like, remember when I kicked a drug dealer's door and I wasn't fucking

turning alarm systems off or windows off. I cased the building. I knew what was going on. I cased the apartment. I knew who was walking in and out at one time and I knew I had a short fucking window. You know, sometimes things happen so fast that you don't even have a chance to react and they happen so fast that you have to ask yourself, what the fuck just happened? And that's what I wanted to do. That was when I robbed something. That was the illusion. You were going to hear two doors kick down. Boom, boom. And I was going right for the thing, picking it up, taking it and getting the fuck out of it. You were going to go, what the fuck just happened? You don't know how many times I did a crime. Well, I busted a door down into a drug dealer's house

and when I walked out of that drug dealer's house, the people in the hallway were looking. I'd go into your old building and I'd kick your fucking door down. I'd sit outside real nice until somebody, who are you waiting for? My friend, for some reason his phone's busy. They let me in the building. That's it. Right there. Once I got on the elevator, I knew the path to your apartment. I knew the door. I knew exactly where I was going in there. I was no hesitation. I would maybe knock one time if I didn't hear nothing. Boom. I kicked the fucking door down, going to the room. Jesus. Fucking take whatever the coke was and get the fuck out of there. I wouldn't run. I wouldn't run. Because you look suspicious? Yeah. I would just walk out like it

was just minding my own. Like I was giving out votes. Did you ever case a place and like go in and go in and expect something and find like nothing? Nothing. Nothing. What's that feel like? Like a fucking jackoff. Jesus. But because I was dealing with drug dealers, I always knew when they were picking up. You know, like I would buy coke from you for a month and you would tell me, man, I'm waiting for my guy. He hasn't dropped off anything. You know, he's gonna drop off a fucking kilo in an hour. You got a fucking kilo. Even if you got 20 customers, I know I'm gonna get a half a kilo the next day. We'll sit out there on a roof, two miles, not even a block away with fucking binoculars, wait for you to leave. You know, I love these, you know, and there's

little things that drug dealers did, you know, that I know they're not gonna stick to their schedule. They pick up a girl. That's it. That schedule is done. Their apartment's wide open. Okay. There's so many things, you know, that's why you love the drug dealer that goes out and gets high. That's the one you attack. The weakest out of all of them. You don't attack the drug dealer. It's always thinking that you attack the guy that does his product. Okay. So he could be out and he could stay off for fucking a day. You got a day to ransack this fucking place. It was just so many. Did you ever like have like a girlfriend and be like, okay, go, go to a bar. I know he's at this bar. Distract him. Give me some time. I didn't have a girlfriend, but I knew we had friends. It was

funny. You mentioned that. I was telling Jessica yesterday that in 85, I saw this girl that I used to hang out with. Never slept with her. She was a girlfriend of a dear, dear, dear friend of mine, but she had more balls than he did. I had done some crimes with him. Yeah. But he was still like legit, like kind of, she wanted to make money. She liked taking motherfuckers down. Jesus. So if I said today, find out what this guy's doing or whatever, I could give her like a week and a half. It was funny because yesterday I was having a conversation about a gentleman named Tommy Kenny. Tommy Kenny was somebody I bumped into later on in my life. I bumped into him and I became dear friends with him. Maybe like an 81 and a half. I became friends with Tommy Kenny,

who was D Lorenzo's. Tommy Kenny was an Irish gangster over in the city. He ran with the Westies. He was older now. He owned a few businesses and whatnot, but Tommy knew people and he knew thieves. And before I went to Colorado, I became friends with him because I would always bring jewelry over to his friend to invoke. I was getting jewelry and bulk in those days, and I would bring it to his friend to fence. So one day he asked me, because you get great stuff, we were talking, blah, blah, blah. And we became friendly because you want to help me from time to time. Kenny was in on insurance crimes, crimes that he was in on. So he'd tell me, like, you got a job, you're going to go to a warehouse and you're going to work as a

warehouse man for a month and just watch what time the manager goes in and out of that box. You know what I'm saying? In those days, he taught me so much. He taught me like when you break into a safe, you don't break into a safe. You take the safe home. So you go into those places with a fucking goat dolly. And you take the safe home. Because when I'm there robbing the safe, I only got an hour. When I'm home, I got $15. Eventually I'll bust that thing and blow it up with a fucking stick of dynamite. Do these people still exist? Like, I can't imagine like you can meet a guy who's going to get your job with insurance and have you go work at a warehouse. Like, are these people walking around still doing this? Jesus. It's a different level

now. Why Rob? People at home in a computer right now trying to figure out how to write PayPal accounts. How to rob, you know, union pensions, you know, it's more, it's become different. But there's still old school guys like myself that this is what they do for a living. They're not going to fucking change now. You know, you don't get worse at what you do. A criminal doesn't get worse at what he does. He gets better if he's intelligent. With me, once you go to prison, that's college. Now you start talking to people who specialize in your trade. Obviously, you've said that before and I was thinking about that the other day. They specialize in it, but they got caught. So isn't it like taking a bad college course?

So if I tell you to come this way, right, now you got caught going that way. Now you know you're never going to go that way again. Okay. You're going to take that path over and go out through that door. Once you get caught, it makes you strong. It's like being a kid when your mother punishes you. Okay. You learn that you can't run that scam no more. I gotta do something completely different now. So when you go to prison, now you're talking to four or five different people that are doing what you were doing. You follow me? So you get five different perspectives. Now it becomes G-Quando. Now it becomes five different styles. You follow me? You learn, you know, when I got real locked up, I'm not proud to talk about this shit,

but I'll tell you one thing that I learned a lot about cops and how they do their procedures. I learned how the feds work. I learned how the local government works. I learned how they send on the cover at you. I learned what amounts they go for. I learned what the process is. A DA wants a couple of arrests to get a conviction. Okay. You know, I can't just come to me and go, hey, you know, anybody's got two ounces of blow and also I put them on to Lee and they just buy two ounces and make a, they're going to buy two or three multiple fucking deals to get a conviction that's a stronger. Okay. So you don't, you can't fucking plead bargain. You know, I know how they show up. I know that, you know, it's funny. Like when you watch shows like Miami Vice and all these

other drug shows, when drug cops show up and you take a kilo out, they look at it and test it and go, this is good. Pay the man. They got to do it. You know, I don't do shit when nobody don't do something. Very seldom in my, in my circle that I deal with people that didn't do blow who make some losers because the real drug dealers don't do their product, but you're not going to sell to somebody the first time, 10, 20 kilos to a guy who doesn't do it. Well, don't, don't you think the undercover cops know that and then just do it and they do it? No shit. They do blow. They drink. They eat pussy. They eat ass. They carry a gun. So don't you need to, they got to act like you to establish trust. So don't you, don't you need a different way to, like, if you, if you're going

to assume that an undercover cop knows this, don't you need another way to figure out who you're going to sell to? No, what I'm trying to tell you is that I don't want America to think that when the cop comes up to you, it's all fucking legit. I'm with a white suit and that drug deal is that stupid that he doesn't know it's an undercover fucking cop. We can spot these motherfuckers. What you do is when you see somebody, you close your eyes and you put a blue suit on them. If that fucking blue suit fits, they're a fucking cop. Okay, Lee. That's how you look at it. You could tell who's in your realm and who's not in your realm. Jesus. When I was doing all that shit, knock on wood I never sold to an undercover cop. I spotted them. I spotted them a mile away

because of my mother's bar. Okay. I learned from being a kid at my mother's bar, being in Harlem. So let's run through it. I come up to you. First of all, if you're a studio city cop, you're not going to be an undercover cop in studio city. You're going to be an undercover cop in Visalia. Okay, we got a call coming in. All right. Who's this? What do you think it is? You're a minute early, cock sucker. How are you, Rudy Marino? Good morning, Joe Diaz. Nothing. I'm schooling these motherfuckers on crime, you know, how undercover cops work. If a cop is an undercover cop in studio city, he's not in studio city. They send them to Whittier to make guys. And if a guy's a Whittier cop, they send him to studio city so they're not shitting in their own backyard. And, you know,

on television, they show these cops that they come to you and they go, yeah, I want to buy an ounce of blow. And you just sell them the ounce of blow. They don't do a line in front of you. They don't talk to you about Carlos Santana. They don't do a shot at Tequila. That's only in fucking TV. You know, I've had, I had a fucking guy tell me a story how he shot Coke and heroin with an undercover cop for nine months that the guy was shooting right with him every fucking day. But he couldn't figure out why he couldn't take, he couldn't get a fast and speedy trial because they had to clean the cop up. They took him a year and a half to give him a trial because they had to clean the cop up. You know, he couldn't figure it out. And then when

he was sitting there for a year and a half, the Chinese goes, you're right, the stories you're talking about that cop were correct. He was cleaning up. So now, you know, in those situations, but, you know, I don't want America to think that undercover cops are the nicest people in the world. Vice cops, undercover cops, they get their dicks sucked. They do everything alone because the only way you establish trust is if you do something. I heard about a cop stabbing a guy with a friend of mine one time. He was a cop. My friend ended up doing six years. Guy stabbed the cop. Who are they going to believe? The cop or my friend? You with me? Anyway, enough with the criminal talk. Rudy Moreno, one of the fathers of fucking

Latino comedy period in LA and fucking Scandinavia and Bogota. I'm going to get something out and open right here about Rudy Moreno that I want people to know. Without Rudy, I wouldn't be where I was. The story was Rudy used to book the Brave Bull from like 96 on. The Brave Bull was a hot little club in Whittier. Not Whittier. What was it? San Gabriel. San Gabriel. And it had fucking 19 rooms. One room had a moose head, a fucking Mexican bull. They had a couple of bitches that didn't pay their vig. I mean, it was fucking amazing. And when I got here, they said, you got to call Rudy. And I kept calling Rudy, kept calling Rudy and Rudy wouldn't fucking call me back. And one night I just showed up down there. I'm fucking Joey Diaz. You got to put me up and I had to follow Tommy

Slade. Remember the detective? Yes. He was 80 years old then. Oh my god. And I remember that. I went up one night and I did a set and I did great. And Matt Woods was there with Brian Dunkleman. Right. I remember that. Yeah, Matt Woods. Yeah, he went out to do American Idol. And I remember that Matt Woods came up to me and he goes, man, I remember I was going to kill Matt Woods in Denver for fucking picking me up. Oh, Rudy, you know, when somebody comes up to you and asks you why you're doing comedy, you're wasting your time, you're talented, but you're not doing it right. This guy came up to me and opened Mike and said to quit. He's like, quit because you're not committing to this. You're the funniest guy in the room, but you're not committing to

this. So quit. He goes, people got to work hard at this. You show up down here. And he really hurt my feelings, Rudy. I was going to fucking knock him out, but he wasn't lying, Rudy. Sometimes people tell you something. I'm lying. You know, you can't fucking be mad at somebody for telling you the truth. So I walked away from him and he walked in that night and the Bray Bull as I was on stage doing my thing. And he goes, bro, you made me very proud. I hugged him and, you know, we were friends forever after that. But that's what happened at the Bray Bull. And then, you know, the comedy store pays $15, you know, everybody pays $15. And for a while there for like a year, you would book me every weekend as dirty as I was in the back room where they sold

tacos in the Bray Bull. Remember they had three or four different comedy shows. You would always put me in the back. Every week they'd move the room, man. That's when Marilyn Martinez started the war. Remember when he had the room with the pool tables, people were playing pool. We were doing comedy. Oh my God. I forgot about that one. And then I was there the night. Who was the fucking comic that fell in love with the transvestite? Remember he was dating the transsexual. He was an old-time comic. And what, you ready? You're gonna remember you and me did a gig at the Bray Bull and you paid us extra to go to some congressman's and do a benefit. So you said, as soon as you get off the stage at the Bray Bull, I'm giving you an extra $50. Come over there.

And all of his show, like, Raul Martinez. Remember he left. Who was the transvestite? Remember he was dating a transvestite before he left. Oh, that's right. Remember he was on drugs. They were doing crack or heroin or something. And he fell in love with a transvestite. I remember all these shit, man. Because of the funniest thing. Because I remember him coming up to me, he was going, fuck. I wonder Raul's still alive. Oh, no. He was eating a transvestite. He don't live too long after that. Transvestite's got a special taste in that nut sack. It's confusion. Enjoy, you're under your mind, man. I think Raul's past. There are a lot of people who've passed since then, man. Who else, man? Oh, Vic Dunlop. Oh my God, Marilyn Martinez.

Dunlop. Dante Garza. I don't know if you remember. Dante Garza. Yeah, Dante Garza. Dante Garza. Marilyn, of course, is the lovely Marilyn, man. Marilyn and Freddie Soto. A lot of guys. It's been a long time, Rudy. Now you got the ice house, you're celebrating the 15- Yeah, we've been there forever, man. Well, you know, we were at the ice house in 91, but just apparently, they'd give us a shot every once in a while. That's where we were working, places like the Brave Bull and shit, because the clubs weren't allowing us to come in, man. And I think Bob Fisher was one of the earlier owners that said, yeah, we'll give you guys a shot and see what the guys have been doing after a while. You know, you met one, but the rest

is fucking coming, so. The ice house is a great spot. We do a podcast there. You do your show there every Wednesday. We always work hand in hand on Wednesdays. It's amazing that you showcase all, you know, you've had from George Lopez, Gabriel, Felipe. I mean, everybody's gone through that, you know. It's just an amazing thing. Don't do that, man. Oh, Roseanne, bar. I mean, no, no, no, you see it on the thing, but it's just amazing, Rudy, that first of all, I've been here 17 years. I've been your friend with all the casinos. I taught you. You paid me with a check. I'd fucking be pissed at you because I needed fucking money. I remember one night you had an Irish pub. An Irish pub? In front of a place, in front of a corner place. That was in the

in the city, city of Venice. Right exorbitant, right exorbitant. Yeah. And I went down there broke as fuck, broke as fuck. And I needed to get high in the worst way. And you said, come on down and I'll take care of half your problem. You know what I'm saying? I'll scratch an edge for you. At least you got a quarter gram out of it. And I went down there on a Wednesday night and when I'm up on stage, some drunk guy throws his wallet at me. Just throws it all at me. I catch it out of the air. And I'm holding on to the wallet. And he goes, guy, he's drunk. He's like, go ahead, go buy a drink, your fat fuck, whatever. And I finished my set and I had to walk into the bathroom anyway. And as I was walking into the bathroom, I opened up his wallet and he had a stack of 100

and a couple of 50s and I took 100. And I gave back the wallet. Fucking tremendous. Now you started comedy here in Los Angeles. What year? 1991. Jesus, that's when I started July of 91. Yeah, it was a month after you, man. I was from 91. And who was there with you? Well, at first, I was just working, I was working with a band. I was working with a band here in LA, just opening for them. And then I went to Gilbert Esquivel, you know, Gilbert Esquivel. And I went to this church and we thought everybody spoke Spanish because everybody was standing there with

sombreros and big buckles and shit. And Gilbert and I flipped the coin to see who was the first to do the gig in Spanish. So I killed those up there and said, struggling, man, you know, so he's doing stuff in Spanish and it was my turn. So I walked up and the first thing I said, is anybody speak English? Everybody rolls their hands. So it was from there. And then Gilbert says, you know, you've never been to the comedy store. I'm Latino night fucking Latino comics, man. It's only me and you and George and Paul. So Paul and George were around and did you know them then? Did you see them around? No, just knew of them. You know, but we went to the went to the comedy store, man, there was 100 cats, you know, all Latinos that were that were working

in there. You know, not all of them are around still, but you know, everybody was in there, man, we guys like Luke Torres and and Raul Martinez was there, Marilyn was there. So they just woke up a whole thing about, you know, not because you don't know, nobody knew that there was Latino comics out there or that, you know, they would brand us separately. Where was down? Where was my man Danny Mora at the time? Danny Mora was there. Yeah, Danny Mora was teaching comedy classes to everybody that was new there. And Danny Mora's still around, man. No shit. I got to call him every once in a while, man. Yeah, he's you know, I saw Danny about five years ago. You tell me he was dying from some intestinal thing. And then he showed up the next weekend at 20 minutes.

Yeah, no, Danny Mora will never fucking die. He's one of those guys is bulletproof. There'll be a nuclear war. Him and roaches, man. Him and fucking roaches and pops. Yeah, little pops, you can't kill pops. Pops is a bad motherfucker. It's all right. Now what year was this at the store, my brother, when all this was going on with you and Gilbert Malin? What year was this? This is 92, like 92, 93. Now when did the show, the first show with Joe with Jeff Valdez start the first first show? What was the name of that show? Comedy compadres. Your best friend. Right. That was comedy compadres. Okay, we did 1993. Were you on that at all? I'm sorry. Were you on that show at all? I got on that show. Okay,

who was on it? He walked up, he worked a laugh factor and said, here's where I thought I had made it. I was going to do a TV show. My first gig was, I rather my second gig was with Paul Rodriguez. And the third was with a temptation. So I figured, well, shit, I'm on my way, man. And then Jeff came up and said he wanted to do a TV show. You know, little did I know that shit like this doesn't last, you know? So I did Jeff's show and then Culture Clash had a TV show on Fox at the same time, on the same year. So I did both those shows. And I'm thinking, well, shit, I'm on my way, man. But, you know, here I am. Doesn't matter you there. Comedy compadres was kind of like a launchpad for a show that he did

with Showtime in 1996. I left, you know, Laugh Festival over in San Antonio. So, you know. Now, before the Latino Laugh Festival, there was a show on HBO that they did six episodes of what was the name of the Spanish show they did? That one I don't remember, man. Remember what I'm talking about? Pablo did it. Carlos did it. Couple guys did it. They did six episodes of an HBO show of Latin calls. I don't know. I wasn't on that show. So I don't remember. But I remember now I know what you're talking about. And John Leguizamo came out with his show in 95 on Fox, called, what the fuck was the name of that show? Buggin. Yeah, House of Buggin. Fox was brand new. They just gave him six episodes or something like that. Right. Right. So then when did the Laugh

factories start doing their Latin night? I had to say about 92. Yeah, about 92 or so. And they're still doing it. It's Monday night. Right. No, no, they mixed it with Arab night now. So it's Arab Mexican night that together they put the Arabs in the top tier. So they all have like George, Sebastian, a couple guys that are son of a bitch. Snake will come out with a fucking, a snake will come out with a small guy with shoes with curls on them. And it becomes a different fucking thing. Jamie's jumping up and down. Everybody's happy. Yeah. So yeah. So now well, before Arab night, it was good. So it started, started around that time. Yeah. And then there was a handful of guys, man. It was myself, Willie Barcena, Jeff Garcia, Carlos Oscar, Gilbert Esquivel.

And we were there every week because we were the only guys that they were letting us, you know, let us kind of there. And then he got us to do every other week, you know, so we go get our $10 and thinking that we're kicking ass because we're on, you know, we're on sunset. But I don't know, man, a lot of work in this game. You know what I mean? You're doing great. Yeah. But no, I'm taking it away. They started in 97. I was in Seattle when I was up on stage. And Jeff Valdez walked up to me and he says, we're doing a show that fits your, whatever, blah, blah, blah, Latino laugh festival. We're going to send you a plane ticket, come on down to LA and showcase on a Monday night. So I came down, they put me up second,

and I ate the dick of death. And I went back to LA, but I met somebody named Marilyn Martinez that night. That was very good of me. And she walked me over to the comedy store after that. And I just stood there at the comedy store and I went back to Seattle. So when I came back a year later, not even six months later, I moved back here. One of the reasons I moved back here was they were doing comedy at the improv now with the fucking little Cuban guy. I'm like, put a suit on. What was that fucking knucklehead's name? God bless his soul. He's done. He had the white that was black. John Mercedes. John Mercedes. God damn. This is John. He just died. He just died. And John Mercedes had the fuck. Remember his big claim to fame? He was somebody's manager

in the 40s, 60s. Yeah, he was from Dallas. Yeah, I was her manager in the 70s. And then he discovered Ernie G. And the G brothers, that was his big idea to take us into the 20th millennium with the Latino comedy was the G brothers comedy show. There's so many people, man, and so many different personalities because I remember everybody was doing the, none of us thought of comedy. We would just do this. You know, white people do this and Mexicans, we do this. And white people do this. And you know, that was, that was the thing because we were just bouncing off of each other because none of us had material or anything. Then you show up. You showed up with a whole different fucking flavor, man.

You know, this was this Cubano cat who signed up the Italian and we had that whole East Coast thing going on, man. And it was fucking refreshing. You know, when you tell a story, Joe, you tell a story and in the middle of the story, you'll throw something else in there that has completely nothing to do with the story. I'm kicking the shit out of this guy and I'm stabbing him in the neck with a fucking pencil and I'm watching Dora the Explorer and the fucking balloons, the whole thing, you know, but I'm sticking this guy in the fucking blood all over the place. You know, so, so that was different comedy all together, man. So I think that's why your success has been different than a lot of the guys, you know, because a lot of the guys are still doing

the same old shit. And when you get up there, man, you know, Rudy, it's hysterical. You've made me laugh many a times, but the things that we've had fun at is just the situations at clubs. How many times you come up to me and say, Joey, there's people where you got to be a little clean tonight and you look at me and I look at you and you know what's going on. Twenty looking years have been asking you that. I already don't worry about it. I got it. You just like to torture me, man, because you like to see me turn red, you know, fucking high roll up in the back of my head. Oh, no, because people come up to you and they say, you can't perform here no more. And it was just, but it's amazing how this is all we know.

And people think that, uh, Rudy, people think at home or whatever. I don't know what they think comedians do that. We sleep all day and we just get up on stage all night. And I've known her for 17, 18 years, man. And I see that you work every day. I work every fucking day. It's not just, uh, you know, making people laugh. There's a lot of work in between that goes with it, you know, moving. Absolutely. And it's, you know, it's not, I always tell these young cats, look, man, it's not like, like when you go into the mail room and you end up being the CEO after 20, 25 years, you know, it doesn't work like that. There's no promotion in this thing. And you got to just work your ass off. Maybe, maybe you get a shot. Maybe you get lucky, you know.

There's a zillion comics out there, man. You know, and good. Good comics. And then there's other comics. They're just fucking lucky. There's a zillion doctors. There's a zillion lawyers. You have to do something to stick out. Uh, you know, George did it. Paul did it. Carlos did it. You know, Johnny Sanchez stuck out for a while. I mean, we've all had success in different realms. You, I remember going into an audition for fucking the hottest Spanish show at the time, Kingpin. Right. That was going to be the hottest show they gave to Steven Bowers about drug cartels. And I remember them sending me the sides and me looking at it. I mean, this is the relationship me and Rudy have. And I had to go to, uh, we, the thing was up in Ventura on audition. And Ventura

was a white lady. He was uptight. Right. And I was walking into her office and going, listen, before I even read this, you're looking for Rudy Moreno. And she goes, what? She was, what are you talking about? Well, listen, I could read you this and make you laugh. But the guy that you want for this is Rudy Moreno. And she looked at me and she goes, I've never been in this situation before or after his walk then and told me who to book. And I go, I told, I go, you're looking for Rudy Moreno. Don't waste your fucking time. And she took Rudy's name down. And sure enough, Rudy booked this fucking part in Kingpin. But not only that, he fucking stole the scene. He called the Chinese guy a pinche chino on

national television. No, not even Edward James almost did that. You understand me on Miami Vice because there was an episode where Edward James almost fights the Thai people. He didn't call him a pinche chino when he had the knife and he was doing the stick fighting. You called a fucking Chinese guy a pinche chino on national television from eight to 10 o'clock and they left it in there. But that's how strong our friend, you know, that's how weird this system is. And there's a lot of times I get auditions and I tell the people, it's Rudy. You're looking for fucking Rudy, man. You're wasting your time with me. But it's amazing that Rudy got on this fucking national show, Kingpin, because I told the lady, I go, you're wasting your time. This is a national TV show

people, not some fucking WGN or some fucking TBS. This is a show that comes on eight o'clock and I walked in there and told the ladies she had a higher Rudy and next thing I know Rudy was the fucking guy. No, but it wasn't even about that. I'm not saying that I'm saying it in a way that you know, you hear all these stories about, you know, the other day they had to sting on that was huge. You know, didn't Brad Pitt throw a beer to Matthew McConaughey? The other day and they made a big deal about it. First of all, fucking Brad Pitt was a pot smoker. All of a sudden that chick with nine kids make him drink beer, whatever the fuck it is. But just the fact you and I both know that when Brad Pitt looks at Matthew McConaughey goes,

look at that punk ass bitch. And when Matthew McConaughey looks at fucking Brad Pitt, he goes, look at that punk ass bitch with that bitch running his life, you know, because they're in the same category when it comes to acting. Good looking white dude. They're both in the same fucking category. They go up against each other head to head. There's got to be a little animosity between them. Hey man, pal, they threw a beer at him. That's one part of Hollywood that I've never, like when you see George Clooney hanging out with Matt Damon, they're giggling. Do they call each other? Do they check up on each other? Do their kids play together? Do they share orgy pictures? That's bullshit. That's for the general public to say, ah, look at them. They're good friends.

They ain't good friends. You know, Rudy, what we have, our relationship throughout a lot of Latin comics, you know, these guys, there's some animosity. There's animosity between this guy and that guy. Let me tell you something, man, the people who do get along, I love you guys. We have a little gang. We have this understanding and that's one thing I did not like about comedy. There's other realms of comedy that they just hang on and giggle together, but they're really hating each other, not with my realm, with you guys, man. It's like, I have a realm of comics that I'm with. That's either me or them. If I don't get the job, I hope they get the fucking job, because they deserve it more than I do. You know, and I want people to listen to that on the podcast

that you're one of those people. It's me and you and Johnny. We've been laughing for fucking years and we turn each other to different, you know, every once a month you call me with, amen. I just went out with this commercial, call your agent, tell him, we look out for each other. We really fucking do it. It's not about how fuck Rudy K. Locos. Where is Mike Robles today? No way. He's nowhere. We've seen him come and go flashing the fucking pants. This guy had a fucking TV show. He was the host of a TV show that promoted more Latin comics than fucking Johnny Carson did. Where is he today? Because he didn't do the work. Yeah. There's work involved in this. You got to do the work. You know, when you're a kid and they tell you what's 21 times fucking 52, and they

make you show them the fuck, show me the fucking work. That's what happens in this game with comedy. And it's so funny, the people who don't want to work and the people who want to work. I have a friend of mine who always says, well, nobody calls me for anything. I called the kid four times yesterday. He had his machine on throughout the day. So, you know, you're not working. Well, what the fuck were you doing? Like the answer machine is on it. Two in the afternoon. It's the same people. You know, nobody calls me crying anymore. For 10 years, people used to call me crying. And one of those people was Marilyn Martinez. She was towards the end. She was very angry about it. And I told her, this anger, get out there and do something. You can sit at home

all day and call and this guy's doing this. And they gave this to Lisa Lampinelli. It don't matter. You have a job to do. And that's, you know, that's why you're still at the fucking ice house after 15 years, Rudy. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, George. Yeah. You know, it's a blessing, man, too. So, you know, a lot of guys, you know, we've had a lot of guys go through there, man, that have been very, very successful. You know, not all of them call me back anymore. But, you know, but like you're talking about the work, man, these guys that are just working their ass off, Gabriel Iglesias being one of them, man. You know, we get a lot of people talking, you know, maybe a little jealous about his success. But, you know, I remember the kid doing

a fucking backyard party and, you know, doing shit for dog catchers and shit. What the fuck are you talking about? I remember me, I remember you sending me and him down to fucking Tucson, the Bugsies, for 150 bucks on a Wednesday night. $150 on a Wednesday night. You took a plane from Burbank on Southwest to Tucson. You came back the next day at 10 o'clock coked up your dick shop with a spider bite on your neck and some pussy on your brick. Fucking disgusting. This club, they would let you in if you gave him a bug at the door on Wednesday nights. If you picked up a caterpillar and gave it to them at the door, they let you in. Freaks. Big Alex, the big Alex. The 600 pound guy. 600 pounds. He had nine necks.

He had flaps behind. He lost a bunch of weight. He had to get healthy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did. Yeah, he did the 300 and so on. Right. He did the fucking surgery. Great guy. Great guy. That bar, people come up to you and give you coke rocks, pills, explosives, gorilla biscuits, grenades. They didn't give a fuck. If they came up over with a boy, I was right there. I mean, it was fucking crazy. I remember getting cars with people and going to rides to get coke and crazy chicks. One night, I was in the front seat of a car with these two Mexican dudes and had a chicken in the back and two guys in the back and they were both fingering and everybody's doing coke with the fucking pussy finger.

It was tremendous. It was tremendous. You don't forget that in your comedy career. But me, Gabriel, me, Gabriel and mommy, mommy went down there. What's the comedian that's the mommy? Oh, Debbie. Debbie Gutierrez went to fucking. So she was in the middle seat and me and Gabriel were in the corner seats and we both fell asleep on it. She goes, I woke up. I had 600 pounds on top of me. That's what Gabriel lost his virginity was on the road in Tucson. Yeah, exactly. That's right, man. Yeah. I mean, this is 20 years old, 20, 21 years old. And what people at home don't understand is, you know, that you give somebody a million dollars, you give them 20 TV shows, you give them 20 women. I'm going to tell you something on your death bed. You're not going

to remember none of that. You remember going to Tucson with Gabriel and getting your dicks up in a closet while he's in the fuck, you know, the hotel they put you up in was possibly the worst hotel in the nation. One night, a girl knocked on my door. That was a tourist. She was so scared. She asked if she could sleep on the floor. If nothing would happen, she ended up like eating a pussy and tickle the feet or some shit. I mean, it was crazy. The doors didn't close. Crackles. There were hookers in the hotel to get drugs in the hotel. You go back to the hotel, ask the fucking guy at the counter, you know, can you send me something up within an hour or somebody would knock on your door with a 40. It would, you know, have you seen

the hotel lately? No, it's fucking beautiful. They redid it. It was across this. So you landed, you went to the hotel, you checked in and you walked right across the street to the taco place. There was a burrito place and then you went right back to the fucking. You went right back to the fucking hotel. You did the show. You went back to the show, fucking Hammett. And then you woke up and fucking down the plane the next day, old school, comedy. You were back Thursday morning with $150 in your pocket. If you bought cars back with $30 in your pocket. Big money, man. And now, so let me ask you something else, Rudy. You also were the first Mexican on Lopez, what, what did you enjoy the Lopez's show? You

were the first Mexican on the Tonight Show. You were the first Mexican on our set. Tell me all your credits. Oh, they're on the Tonight Show, man. All right. So no, I did Georgia show when he had that Lopez Tonight thing out of the first Latino comic. Oh shit. You know, so out of that, do I get a fucking crown or the cape or something? You know, you're good till we get a black man. What's that? You're good till we get a black man. Right now, Villarillo Roche has a picture of you in his office. Once he gets fired, then you're fucking done. Yeah. So, but, uh, yeah, that was, that was cool. I mean, I got some work out of that, but, uh, you know, that was it, man. That was it. I mean, I've done other, other TV shows, but, uh,

as far as like late night, I never did the Tonight Show or, or a senior, I'm still waiting for a senior to call me. Fuck that, dude. You did some good movies. I'm gonna tell you something, Rudy. I'm gonna tell you something from the bottom of my heart. And I know that a lot of people listen to the podcast or in this part of California, whatever, I don't know what you people do on Wednesday nights or what you don't do. But the guy I have on the phone has helped more young comics than a lot of other people doing this career. He gave us a forum on Wednesday nights and yeah, sometimes the checks bounce, you know, sit like that. But it was still, uh, you know, if it's, are you still doing this Saturday night? No, we've gone to that place. That's a place called

Rudy's, ironically. And, uh, you know, the guy, the owner, 78 years old, so he'll hire me for six weeks, you know, fire me. He'll call me back the next week. You know what? We'll work here, comedy. You should try it. So we'll go back, you know, a month after me. You've been there 100 times, right? Yeah, yeah. I just went down there about six, seven, well, before about three months ago, I went down there with, uh, Edwin on a Saturday night. Edwin had a spot. So we were gonna get hired and we went down there. But, uh, I don't know what you do. I know the tickets are cheap on Thursdays on Wednesday nights. I know that Rudy puts his heart and soul into this fucking show. It's 15 year anniversary. He wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't any good. And, you know, you've had

your peaks in your valleys, but you deserve the respect that you deserve right now. You're, uh, you're really, thank you, man. Thanks. You know, and thank you for being part of that, man. And, uh, yeah, even though they don't put my pictures on the wall and nothing like that, you got all your little Mexican buddies jumping up and down with hats. You got no fucking Cubans on there and shit representing. You got no pictures of Fidel. That's okay. I love you anyway, cocksucker. But no, no, no, no, all jokes aside, uh, one thing you don't forget in your career is the little times like when we were at the commerce casino and the comic was on stage and I would whisper under my breath, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. I would say Rudy a thousand fucking times until

he heard me. And there's a TV turn around. What, Joey, what, what, what, what, Joey, Rudy, Rudy, where do I sit? Rudy, let me take it out to it, Rudy, Rudy. Where's the fucking free drink? Take it. Rudy, Rudy, where's the water? Rudy, where's the stage? Rudy, where's the microphone? Uh, he's just a little tortured. Rudy, what time am I going up? Rudy, can I work there? Can I tell him by the time I fucked the chick up the ass and she sucked my dick? No, Joey. You know, it's funny at the end of the day when you look at all the places you perform and the people that give you, the people who gave you a stage time when you needed it the most, you know, you don't forget those things. Not in my world, you don't. When you're, uh, even when you drive past

a place, you would drive past a brave bullet, might be a linoleum store now, but you're looking at a little tear comes to your eye. You're like, how many grams of blood are I doing that bathroom? Oh man, Jesus. You know, who'd have bought the fucking brave bullet dude? You know, and there's so many places. Listen, man, seven, eight years ago, these Mexican cats fly, Jeff Garcia, Felipe, Edwin. Every night we had comedy. Every night and they opened their doors to anybody. It wasn't Latin comedy or Filipino comedy. If you had heart and balls to go up on that stage, they put you on those stages from West Covina to the fucking, uh, what's Patrick the Gears room in the fucking bad area in San Diego, right? These guys have their own way. Let me tell you something about

these Latin comics, these young guys, you know, when they walk in the comedy store and the improv and the laugh factor, they don't have management. And this goes the same for black comics. A lot of ethnic comics do this. And I want people at home to know that these guys, you know, it's not like they're opened up at warm hearts. They don't have open mics and all these things to get on stage. You know what these motherfuckers do? They create their own venues and they grow in their own venues from Rudy to Willy Bar Center to Jeff Garcia to Edwin. I've seen these guys blossom on their own fucking the sweat of their own labor. It's not like somebody made a path to them. Right. That's one part of being a comic. There's comics that get on stage three times

and three arts sees you and they love you and you're witty and they put you on all these stages. Well, some people don't have that opportunity. And I was one of those guys that didn't have an opportunity. Yeah, I got spotted at the store. But for me to really improve was the brave bulls. It was a daily planet. It was Casa Latinas. It was all those fucking bars that you would never go into and that you guys would get us 20, 30 dollars a free meal. You know, Gilbert, the VFW, the best tacos in California for 50 cents, the best. And then the fucking room went away. I used to be more pissed off about not getting paid than the fucking taco. You know what I'm saying? Like this is a part. Yeah. You know, when Gilbert called you, it wasn't about the 50

dollars. It was that you were going to eat the best tacos in fucking town. You know, you went down there, you brought your date with you, you brought some reefer. So these are the things you remember. And I thank you really because you started a generation of these guys. You taught them that if they didn't give you a stage, you had to build your own fucking stage. You had to build your own stage, man. You did that with the brave bull. The brave bull was Fridays and Saturdays. And sometimes it grew a Wednesday in there. And so what? You didn't give us the money for the rent. You gave us money for a couple cocktails and a bag of weed. But the opportunity was the stage time, which is what these cats fucking miss out on.

They don't know that it's like jujitsu. You need to get on the mat. You can watch all the instructional DVDs you want and you can hang out with any brav one. You can hang out with Steven Seagal. But if you don't get on that fucking mat, it's the same thing with comedy. And you got to start at these fucking disgusting places, you know, where Mexican stroll hats. You know, I used to feel bad for white dudes that would go up in front of Mexican crowds and they'd kill and those comics to their comedians. Say what you want about Darren Carter, the party starter. When he goes in front of you, he gives you a strong set because he will learn how to be a comic in those hellholes. And that's what they are. They're Vietnam for

comics. And I, you know, comics do those things three times and they're like, I'm not going back over there. I'm going to the town. He's still sure. Sure. It's fucking real work. You got to go up there and convince him that you're fucking funny. So you know what? I can say whatever the fuck I want to part of my career is own is owed to guys like you really. So I want to thank you for what you do. I want people to support you at the ice house. Rudy's up there. Every fucking Wednesday at eight o'clock every make reservations, six to six. What's the number? 577 1894. The tickets are cheap. They got Margaritas. They got Mexican broads with big fucking assets. Rudy's going to get the drummer from El compadre to start going up there on Wednesdays and selling

Coke at the back door. We're going to turn this into little Guadalajara. We're going to bring up Vermont, get some t-shirts, some hats, buy a Versace purse. That's all. Rudy is what you need to do. You need to put a fucking Mexican bazaar up there with the emphasis on bizarre. You know what I'm saying? Some blows, some hats. Mexicans aren't making money by selling straw hats. They're making money by selling the fucking Pudo. You got to invite the cartel up there, cock sucker. I get emotional when it comes to Mexican people. You know that. Crazy man. I love you, brother. I'm happy you called it. Everybody that, you know, the outside of Joe D is, you know, rough, tough fucking street guy, but you're a fucking sweet

art man. He's a huge fucking teddy bear, man. Although I saw you kick the shit out of somebody at the ice house, but... No, I just spit in his face and bit slap. I didn't kick him. I had to get out of there. The funny thing was Ramos the next day, because Ramos had picked you up outside. Remember that? Yeah. He drove me with the cops looking for me. They had the helicopter. The cops were looking for you. It was like a helicopter was out there and everything else. And the next day, I called him up and I had downloaded some police calls from my computer and I put him in the background. And I called him and I told him he was, you know, that we were looking for him. And you should have seen him squirreling. Well, you know, I'm a substitute teacher and I'm a

comic and I was out there just looking for my friend and all this shit. And I told him, I said, look, one of two things. You either bring Joe Diaz down to the station or I'm just going to go pick you up right now. How do you want to do this? A fucking guy was dying, man, right? So then I finally said, we're going to send Officer Rudy Moreno down. You motherfucker, man. You know, Rudy, and I gotta tell you something, man, I'm getting, I still get a lot of grief over that over going off on Jeff at the funeral, Paul. I mean, a lot of people want to do business with me. A lot of people want to hire me because of that. And I don't really give a fuck because I stuck up for my friend and that's something that in this business, I'll forget. No, I just stuck up for everybody

because he abused everybody. That guy called himself a Mexican. He called himself a Latino. He called himself a man and he wasn't any of those fucking things. He was trying to fuck us up the ass with his left hand. And, you know, for more, you know, he was making big money off those festivals, give us 50 fucking dollars a set. And you got to get your plane ticket for Latino Laugh Festival. I know he took care of some people, but the rest of us, but two people he tortured were me and Marilyn. He tortured us and he tortured a lot of Latin comics. You're supposed to give your people love. What is it? Why did he single out you guys? The one festival, he told us that we were too dirty and he made a showcase like three or four times to make us feel bad. He wanted us to prove a point

that we could work clean. I couldn't work clean. I told him the truth. So, you know, he did that year and he made the festival and he had a dirty show and he had Carlos hosted. He didn't invite me. And I never forgot that. I never forgot what it did to me psychologically. I never forgot what it did to me emotionally. I never forgot. And I became his friend after that. I understood the business sense of it. I understood it's a business. This isn't a popularity club, so I understood that. But then he kept doing things. He kept doing little things and I kept hearing about him. Well, like one day he called me and he goes, hey, I want you to do this documentary. It only pays $50. And I told Pat Buckles, no. And two days later they called me. They went up to $500.

There was a $450 gap and they were still, I still left three or four, 500 on the table. But he wasn't out to help his own people. He was out to help his pocket. And you know what, man? That was about the time I was getting off cocaine. I was clean about seven nights. Did not attack them at the funeral, at Maryland's funeral. But I've never regretted that night. To me it was one of the, because I spoke for Maryland from the grave. And there was something, listen, man, when you have somebody die close to you, you see how people act at funerals. They act like fucking bullshit artists. You really want to go to a bullshit funeral? Go to a bullshit funeral here. Right. And when I saw him walking to the church that afternoon, I knew he was a dead man.

And then when I saw him at the comedy store, eating the free food with his fucking life and his attorney, I knew he was going down. And if you, I don't know if you were there that night. I went on stage and I tried to do my presentation to Maryland, but in the middle, Maryland spirit wouldn't fucking let me. I couldn't even focus. I kept seeing him out of the corner of mine. I had to speak. I had to speak. That's how I was raised, bro. You stick up for your friends. Your friends are what you got. When you go out there with somebody, you stick up for them. Fuck the movie business. Fuck television. Fuck everybody. That's how I was raised. I don't know how the rest of these much were raised with no soul, but there's no way somebody's going to make a mockery out of

a friend of mine in this town ever again. And that's when I learned when I got off the blow that I just wasn't a junkie no more. I was a man. I had to start acting like a man. That's what kept me straight. And I went off on him. And I went off on him that night and I left it at that. And you called me the night he was going to be at the ice house. You warned him and he still went up there and he tried to be cute, Rudy. Yeah. He wasn't, he didn't stay away from me. He tried to be cute. He kept coming into the game green room and ordering drinks and staring me down. And I sat there like a little fucking faggot for 45 minutes. And then after a while with my faggot fear that I had, because I'm scared of everybody else. I thought about my wife and I

thought about my career. I thought about everything and how I had to behave myself and how I'm a better Catholic and how I'm a better man. I went back to the fucking street level that I'm from and I went up to him, spitting his face and smacked him. You know, he kept telling me go ahead, fat boy, do something. When I spit in his face, he didn't know what the fuck to do. And then he tried to spit back and he spit like a faggot that had a little cum in his mouth. He swallowed the whole load, but he still had that last load. He tried to spit that at me and I ducked. And actually I bit slapped him. And I just kept walking out. As I was walking out, the cops were walking in. They were coming in with, I walked right past him and the ice house alleyway.

Then I got to Rick parked outside like on the fucking street, like a fag that he is, instead of parking in the parking lot. But if he were to park in the parking lot, the cops would have stopped us. So I dig that. But Rudy, I love you. But that's why I did that, Rudy. I didn't do that for me. I got no satisfaction. That was for the fucking Mexicans that wanted to smack him, but didn't know where. I beat him to the punch before Willie got his hands on him. You know what I'm saying? I saved his ass. I'll see you up there, brother. I love you. Good luck tonight. Call the ice house tonight. 626-577-1894. Get your tickets. Give Rudy a hug. Bring him some reefer. Do something. I love you, brother. I'll call you later.

What do you think about that, cocksucker? I don't know, but I mean, I've heard the basic story behind it, but I don't really know the full story of what happened. That's what happened, man. I got sick and fucking tired of somebody fucking with us. So I had to raise my goddamn hand. And that's what usually happens. I raise my hand. I get caught. I'm the bad guy after that. But you know what? Fuck, that's what we're all about. If you got nothing to stick up, if you can't stick up for your friends, fuck them. Fuck them. Let's read some advertisers for these motherfuckers on it. I love you. If you're having a problem with your cardio, you're having a problem with your fucking ankle, you know, you want your mental abilities that you want to think

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You're gonna cost you $10,000 today. I was telling, you know, sometimes you have a problem with a friend. Well, I was talking to Jessica yesterday. We talked about my dark years and the things I learned. And this is what the book is about. It's about the lessons that I learned. And there was one really valuable lesson I learned that I'm not proud of. And it was, when my mother died, she had a good friend named Zorida. That would tell you about only Zorida. She covered my spread for a couple of years. And, you know, the night that my mother died at the funeral, the funeral was like four or five nights long. And there were 24-hour funerals that Cubans do 24-7. They don't do that five to seven view. And fuck no, the body looks better

two in the morning. So Cubans come in and they drink and they smoke and they do blow and they do whatever they do. They pray and I'm sitting there one night because we did the funeral and eight-hour shifts. I would work eight hours. My uncle would work eight hours and my step-father would stay for eight hours. One night I didn't want to be home alone so I just sat there and I watched Zorida go up to the casket and got on her hands and knees and she was talking to her, you know. And I knew Zorida from a child. Zorida was always involved in my life. She baby sat me when I was a baby. But she was always involved in my life. Every time my mom went into the city, we would stop by Zoridas. Zorida was a drug dealer on 113th Street, you know, and she lived on the

second floor and it was like fucking walking dead when you walked into her building. People were shooting heroin in the hallways. New York was a complete different animal then. And we would stop over there and I would walk up the stairs and see these people and you walk in and Zorida had a bodyguard and a shawawa and she sold coke and she was a five foot four black Cuban lady and you know six months before my mom died Zorida started coming by a lot more. It's like she knew and when my mother died, she was the second call I made and she came right over and at the funeral this one night at the wake I heard her saying shit to my mother. My mother was in the casket, she was touching her face and she was even doing bumps while she was still. This is how crazy Zorida

was. So I heard her say something that she was going to take care of me and then she came over, she promised my mother she was going to take care of me. And she came over and she hugged me and you know she told me not to be scared that she was going to be there for me. And every Sunday, sure enough, she would take a cab from out in 13th and 5th to you didn't see New Jersey and I meet her at Otto's Bar and we'd have a drink and we'd eat and then we'd go to the funeral and put flowers to the cemetery and put flowers for my mother and she'd sprinkle coke on the fucking grave. Really? Yeah this lady was crazy. She'd blow a fucking joint and shit. So Zorida would give me a couple hundred a week and she'd bring me a nickel bag from the city you know and uh

this went on. This went on from 79 to 80 you know something and at this point after I got out of high school I was still getting money from Zorida here and there but I was using early. I was calling her up and going I needed money for school books. I was going with my friends to to spring break. I wasn't even in college and I would go over there get 300 from her cash on eight ball of coke you know and it was just a it was just a really something that you know I've done a lot of bad things nothing compares to how bad this was how I felt because uh when I lost my mind in 84 30 years ago I fucking uh stopped calling over there because I had robbed somebody and I thought they were gonna call her and she was gonna know and I was embarrassed so for some

reason they my my spiral downhill I stopped calling over there and I finally got the balls to call one January after six months and she asked me why I had been and I told her I got arrested I made up some line and she said that uh while I was arrested I got robbed they robbed me for everything my dog died the IRS seized my assets I'm fucking broke somebody when they robbed me they broke my leg in three places and nobody was here to take care of me where the fuck were you and I just hung up the phone never talked to her again I mean that was that was how weak I was as a human being I just hung up the phone there was nothing to talk about I failed her and there was no words really to say I didn't even think of the word that would have held everything was I love you and I didn't

I didn't even say that I just hung up the phone never called it until this day I don't know what happened I felt really bad about mine myself that night and I said to myself that you know at that age I was I I learned to give to friendship you know I knew what friendship was she carried you know this is why I went off on Jeff Valdez that night because I know the gift of friendship I know a real friend when I fucking see one and I learned so much from what she did for me she did for my mother nobody does that I knew the people that were even tidied with my mother I turned their backs on me this lady stuck to her fucking word what's wrong with your libly don't feel like a fucking you look like that dog that shit on your head the other day cuck sucking some fucking

dog shit on scratch showed up to my head didn't have a little scratch of shit you don't mean you don't know you know when you're shit you're on these just that little lion like it goes in your ass and you still got shit in your ass you got the little lion in your head that's what you had on your head with little blood in the middle like don't fucking lie cocksuck you still got the the stain is gone so he was on your head it's a pug and he shit on your head it's okay but uh the moral of the story is man that girl I learned two things I learned that friendship is a motherfucker you know if you want good friends you gotta be a good friend I thought you fought it and I also learned and I also told myself that I would never use anybody again that was the valuable lesson I

learned from that I never believed in using people anyway in that time I did it because of my addiction and it just work didn't work outside the age of 21 I learned not to fucking use anybody and that's the lesson I learned from Zoraida and that's the lesson for a week if you want to be a friend if you want good friends you gotta be a good fucking friend and sometimes we take that for granted friendship don't ever take it for fucking granted keep slinging dick it's Wednesday May 21st I love you cocksuckers see next week we've got Monday Wednesday morning and a Wednesday live podcast at the ice house 8 30 surprise guest don't forget I got the ice house next week and I got San Diego Harris on the 29th which is Thursday night at 9 o'clock don't forget about me go to joeydeas.net

for the mugs t-shirts and the patches the patches and the t-shirts are going like fucking hotcakes the mugs slowed down a little bit go for it you know once these t-shirts are gone I'm getting a new design so if you want a t-shirt with a nutsack a set of balls and a cross on your shirt support the fucking podcast the joeydeas starter kit that's right also we're on amazon.com if you're gonna order something go to ramazon I want to thank our sponsors on it naturesbox.com dollar shave club hulu plus nailed it life and escape pod tank for always having my backs but most importantly I want to thank you cocksuckers for listening to the show and having heart and giving us the love you give us you know to me and we leave you bad motherfucker I don't want that dog shit on you there's no

ship uh if you're listening to this live today uh our good friend Steve Simone's recording a cd tonight in brea so if you want to come down to the improv I'll be down there say hi uh now that the show is over don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club dot com get high quality raises send to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollar shave club dot com forward slash church or just go to joeydeas.net and click on the dollar shave club banner this show is also sponsored by nature box dot com order great tasting healthy snacks at 50 percent off snack smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries support this podcast and get 50 off of your first order

go to naturesbox.com promo code joey that's naturesbox.com promo code joey and thank you to nail the live dot com like we said for all the oil and wax smokers out there for the premiere vapor pen on the market go to nail the live dot com and type in joeydeas nose bases and you're gonna save 20 percent off of the vapor pen oh shit here you go cocksucker bad mother fuckers do your thing baby have a great day sling dick with both hands don't believe the hype how i'm all the suckers they what i think sling dick was it what's so much drama in the lpc it's kind of hard being a snooty old double g but i somehow some way keep coming up a funky

ass shit like every single day may i kick a little something for the g's and make a few wins as i breeze through two in the morning and the party's still jumping cuz my mama in home i got bitches in the living room getting it on and they ain't leaving till six in the morning six in the morning so what you want to do shit i got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too so turn off the lights and close the doors but for what we don't let him hide yeah so we don't smoke an ounce to this jeans up hose down why you mother fuckers bounce to this morning down the street smoke your name now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money in my money on my mind rolling down the street talking and now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money in my

money on my mind now back i got me some sequins jean everybody got their cups but they ain't chipped in now this type of shit happens all the time you gotta get yours before i gotta get mine everything is fine when you're listening to the d.o.g i got the cultivate and music that be captivating me who listens to the words that i speak as i take me a drink to the middle of the street and get to back into this bitch named shape she used to be the homeboys lady oh that bitch 80 degrees when i tell that bitch please raise up all these new tees because you get none of these at ease as i'm out with the dog pound feel the breeze be i subject rolling down the street smoking now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money in my money on my mind

rolling down the street smoking now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money in my money on my mind later on that day my homie dr drake came through with a gang to tango race and a fat ass jay of some bubonic chronic that made me choke shit this ain't no joke i had to back up off of it and sit my cup down tangerine chronic yeah i'm fucked up now but it ain't no stopping i'm still popping straight got some bitches from the city of com then to serve me knock with a cherry on top because when i bust my nut i'm raising the box to cost don't get upset girl let's just let go i don't love you hug some of the dope in our feet rolling down the street smoking now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money in my money on my mind

rolling down the street smoking now sit but i'm gonna use laid back with my mind don't my money money in my mode you