Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #180 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, July 13th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid IV, Factor & CBD Lio...n.…. Liquid IV Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. FACTOR pre-made meals Go to https://go.factor75.com/joey120 and get $120 Off! ' Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #Factor #LiquidIV The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code JOY and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday. The 13th of motherfucking July. The joint is brought to you by one of my favorites, Liquid IV. Listen, the summer months are here, it's hot out there. You got to stay fueled and hydrated.
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Starting point is 00:05:47 What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, July the 13th. I can't fucking believe it's July. As a matter of fact, today's two-year anniversary from when I heard on television that there was going to be no school in California and I told my wife we're out of here. Today's the two-year fucking anniversary of us going fuck California. We're going back to New Jersey. It's a beautiful day to be alive. I got a couple emails about this week's podcast already. People have pissed off at me that I told you that Brian Piccolo died in the fucking movie. I mean, listen, I'm the type of guy, if a movie's out five years and if you're a real motherfucker, you've already seen the fuck. After five years, I'm talking about the fucking movie. There's no spoiler alert, but my nephew called me up this morning. He's like, hey, motherfucker, why'd you tell me that fucking James Cahn died in the movie? I wanted to watch it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:45 It's 50 fuck. That movie came out 50 fucking years ago. That movie came out when I was in the third grade at Sacred Heart School for boys. We watched it on a Sunday night and who the fuck, when was that? 1971? Brian's song? ABC movie of the fucking week. 71. That means it's been about 50 fucking years. 80, 90, 2000, 2011, 2000. What the fuck, people? It doesn't matter. That's one thing that I really fucking miss. I'm an old man, as you could tell. I got white fucking eyebrows. Once you get white fucking eyebrows, you're a fucking old man. I could sit there and pick them one by one. You don't have no fucking idea how much that hurts. That's like being a POW in Vietnam. They just pick your fucking eyebrows at my age, especially the white ones. What you get old, cocksuck, is you try to trim your nose hairs, even the fucking manscape. Manscape is tremendous, the fucking nose thing, but I got to tell you something. When you're dealing with white hairs, it's over.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Even on my dick, my asshole, when you're trying to shave white hair, there's times I'm manscaping my dick sack and I'm like, it's working perfectly. I almost want to hear like a fucking thing and it's because they hit a white hair. Those white hairs are fucking brutal. But anyway, who gives a fuck about white hairs? You know what's crazy? When you get older, and I tell you people this all the time, I don't want to sound like that guy back in my day. No, not back in anybody's day, because this was back, I still remember this 15 years ago. I said something on Monday's podcast and a couple of people hit me and I felt good that I said those words. People tell me all the time, I just didn't make this up that they go to the movies and they left and they don't even know what happened. Like the movie went by fucking fast, you know, and it felt like that over COVID.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Like it really felt like that the movies weren't clicking like the sons of the many saints in Newark. They just didn't click for you. You went to the movies, you saw a movie, you left. Yes, it bothers the fuck out of me because out of all my fucking things I talk about drugs, cocaine, you know, eating ass, all these fucking stupid things you do as a man, I think the most rewarding, the favorite thing in my life. And I'm going to tell you how much I loved it. I think out of all the things I did, my escape. Because I wanted to think about this before I brought this podcast up to you guys. You know, guys, we all have an escape. We don't realize it while you're doing it. But years later you'll realize that for some people it's doing drugs like myself, you know, I'm a fucking dummy.
Starting point is 00:09:37 For some people it's just strumming the chords on a guitar. You know, they go in a room and put music on and just strum the chords on a guitar. They don't want to join a band. They don't want to do any of that shit. You know, when you go out and drink, let's say you had a, you work a nine to five and you work all fucking week and you drink. After work you guys do happy hours and shit. That's your escape. You know, like a couple cocktails with your friends, your girlfriend meets you. That's your escape from the week. You know, that's it. You're done with work. You don't want to hear about computers. You don't want to hear about fucking dildos that didn't get shipped.
Starting point is 00:10:14 You know, you just don't want to hear that shit no more. It's time to fucking relax and tune away. And that's great. It's like when we go on vacation with a loved one and when you go on vacation with your family and you put your feet up at the beach like Snoop Dogg and that fucking Corona commercial. You know, that's relaxation. That's escaping. You know, escaping what Joey? What are you escaping? Yeah, reality. My brother George, when he went to rehab, he became a fucking, like a fucking therapist. He's not a therapist, but when he first went to rehab and got out like 93, you know, he was clean. Those people were clean for like a month and a half. And then that month and a half, they tell everybody how they should run their fucking life. You know, I remember one day I was smoking pot and he came out and he's like, Hey man, you got to stop smoking pot.
Starting point is 00:10:59 I'm like, why? And he goes because you're escaping reality. And I'm like, I know that's what I want to do. I hate my fucking life along like everybody else. I'm broke. I fucking don't have a career. You know, this is when you escape yourself, but way before that, like way before that. Escape happened. My escape was the fucking movie theaters. I thought when I started that escape when I was like five, when I was like five, my Godfather took me to a couple of those kids movies and he's like, dog, I can't do these no more. I can't do another love bug or another fucking the world's strongest man with Jim Michael Vincent. I can't do these no more. If you go to movies and you have to do adult movies. And I was like, okay, if that's what it takes, you know, and so by the time I was five, six, I was already watching like James Bond movies.
Starting point is 00:11:51 All that the velocity papers. I saw that. That's the first movie I saw on Times Square, the fucking velocity papers with Charles Bronson. We played a rat. I didn't I was, huh? Yeah, I wasn't too happy with that. Charles Bronson being a rat didn't fucking sit well with Uncle Joey, but what am I going to do? And I think it was like maybe like you go to the movies with parents or Godparents or, you know, your friends and family, a family member. Like I love the fucking movies. I love Snoopy. I loved all that shit. My first girlfriend was a Chinese girl on 88th Street. We were like six and her father worked for fucking the Schultz. But the guy that does Snoopy, yeah, bro, who the fuck you think you're dealing with? And this girl used to take me and all the little Chinese girlfriends and little Puerto Rican kids, like 10 of us who go to movie theater.
Starting point is 00:12:46 When there was nobody in the movie theater, they would make popcorn for us and we'd watch fucking Charlie Brown on the Upper West Side like fucking doctors as a kid, like eight fucking years old. We're already doing this shit. So I don't know. I don't know. I'm on the first time I just started. And then when I moved to Jersey, guys, like when I was 11, me and my fucking goomba started taking buses from Kennedy Boulevard, 38th Street, all the way down to Journal Square. And they had those one, two, three movie theaters when we were kids. There was one like deep into Journal Square, but there was one right on Kennedy Boulevard. Guys, I saw all the pink panties there. I saw Richard Pry live on the sunset strip there. I saw a fucking Kentucky Fried movie there. We are from another planet. We will not harm you all the shit in here. That's a great scene in the movie. You've never seen a Kentucky Fried movie.
Starting point is 00:13:41 The Kentucky Fried movie and there was another one Groove Tube. Those two were the first movies that got me fucking going about comedy. I think they were done like by the Canadian improv group. Like I didn't know it at the fucking time, but when I grew older, I went to revisit one of those movies. And it was like all those people from like, yeah, yeah, it was pretty interesting shit. But the scene I remember the most is they're in a courtroom and the guy takes out a fucking dildo and puts it on his head. And he's the attorney or something. He starts telling the guy, we are from another planet. We will not harm you with a dick on his head. Me and my little fucking idiot buddies lost it giggling like little fags.
Starting point is 00:14:26 But I love that. Like our Saturdays were about the fucking movies. By the time I was nine, that was it. I was going to movies by myself and shit. I would tell my mom, I'm going to Union City. We had the cinema, which was my fucking honorary movie theater on 48th and Burger Line Avenue. We had seen that Tony, the Cuban theater on fucking 13th and New York Avenue down there, not even New York Avenue. We had the Mayfair theater in West New York. That was fucking tremendous. We had the Edgewater theater right on the fucking water there. But my main motherfucking movie theater was the cinema guys. There was no reefer then. There was no alcohol.
Starting point is 00:15:08 That Union City cinema, it was like a fucking, for me, going to the movies was like an event. I mean, I made it into a fucking event for years. And I'm going to prove it to you motherfuckers. I still remember going to see the longest yard original. Rocky, you know, fucking the exorcist. We all would go up there on Saturdays, like 10 fucking kids. I still remember jumping up and down in the fucking longest yard, the original, on our seats, clapping for the mean machine. And on the walk home feeling bad because I was a Catholic and I was cheering for fucking convicts. Like, I was like, what am I doing? I'm cheering for fucking convicts.
Starting point is 00:15:52 You know, that was my mindset. Like, I still remember being in Rocky and the fucking whole movie theater was on their feet. Just chanting Rocky, Rocky and us as kids just going fucking crazy. Like, that was my world. When I watch those Bruce Lee movies at night here, down here sometimes, I cry. Like, when I watch Chinese Connection, I cry. It's painful to watch because I remember, like, how much fun we had before and after that movie. Anytime we went to the Union City Cinema, we always caught the first, you know, like the first showing, like right after fucking school, like when a movie came out on a Friday, we'd be there like Friday or Saturday morning. But then for the second and third review, I would go late night with my buddies.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Like, I would tell my mom, I'm going to the 1030 fucking movie at the cinema. I was a kid and she would let me, Pino, Mike the fucking retard, his father was a superintendent in our building. Not my building, but Pino's building and they called him Mike the retard. He was a sweetheart of a kid. We fucking go up, we'd walk up Bergenlein Avenue, get like fucking ice cream and shit, go to the movie theater, get popcorn, cause fucking havoc in there, then on the way home, we loved it because Ponticore Vodelli on 32nd in Bergenlein would leave all their fruit boxes out and me, retarded Mike and Pino would beat the fuck out of those boxes. I know Joey, why would you beat up a box? Cause you're 11 and you're a fucking idiot, that's why. So we beat up the boxes, we kick them all into Bergenlein Avenue and that was the end of that.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Then my mom died and we were still, I was more of a movie buff than ever because I would just disappear into movie theaters. You know, like if I was feeling down, I'd just go see a movie and the movie would be playing but I would just be in there thinking. Like it was my church. For a long time a movie theater was my fucking church and once I started getting high, like 16 and 17, by the time I was 21, I was going to the movies by myself as pathetic as that was from the ages of maybe 17 to maybe 25. I saw, I don't know how many movies, I saw some were people but guys 90% of the time and I wanted, I watched them by myself. Why? Because I didn't want to fucking hear nobody's bullshit. I didn't want to hear nobody's bullshit about being tired or being cold or, you know, when people move around it bothers the fuck out of me. Even when I did coke, like if I was doing coke with Mike and there'd be girls here walking around, they'd tell them to sit the fuck down.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Enough with the walking around. You're just allowed to get up to pee. That's it. No more walking around. What's all this fucking walking? So it distracts the fuck out of me, right? When I'm watching a movie and shit. So I just found this thing to go to the movies by myself and I had a whole fucking, when I lived in Cliffside Park with George in 84, 85, 83, I would just, my whole thing I would go to the fucking Chinese restaurant, the 11 o'clock seating, like I'd be there because I wanted to go to the 1130 movie. You follow me? So I didn't want to fuck around. So I would fucking go to the 11 o'clock Chinese food. I'd get the same thing every time. Szechuan beef, steamed rice and an egg roll. That's my pre-movie fucking ritual. That's how it works. Now you smoke a joint on the way to the Chinese restaurant and after you eat Chinese food, it's a fucking definite. There's the after dinner joint. You understand me? The after the aperitif and you're going in there before the movie. So it was perfect.
Starting point is 00:19:37 So we smoke a half a dub before the Chinese food. And then when you get out of Chinese food, you smoke the full fucking number. And by the time you walk in the movie theater, you're fucking lights out. You understand me? And I did that for years by myself. I could tell you on three hands how many fucking movies I went to myself. From American Jigolo to Rambo, Part Two to fucking Desperately Seeking Susan, all those movies. I found my fucking like my utopia going to a movie by myself and just putting the feet up. Now it was a different schedule if I went to Harlem. Now if I went to a movie in Jersey, I would get Chinese food. But if I went to a movie in Harlem, we'd stop at the Cuban joint. You understand me? So I'd take the bus over to 178. I'd go to that enchanted Lillian close side and I'd take the fucking bus or I'd walk over to George Washington Bridge,
Starting point is 00:20:32 get to 178th Street, walk to Amsterdam, get a fucking dime bag, roll it and smoke a joint on the way. I would go to 176th Street on the corner there and I'd get Cuban fucking lunch, boliche, white rice, fried bananas, black beans, Coco Rico, I'd do the whole fucking thing. That's a Puerto Rican soda, Coco Rico. And then I walked to 181st Street. Oh my God, it's fucking delicious. I'd go to 181st Street in Broadway and there was a movie theater there going there and that was the black movie theater. That's if I wanted action. Like if I wanted a really fucking laugh, I went to the black movie theater. Rambo, you know, I went to all those movies up there. If I was broke and I just wanted to be alone and I didn't want to giggle, I would go to, there was a movie theater about three blocks down on the 81st Street.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Two movies for $5, those type of things in the afternoon. Like I'd go see American Jiggler and Thief of Hearts with Stephen Bauer. I'd go see like fucking, you know, Death Wish 1 and Death Wish 2, all that type of shit, you know. Guys, for me it was just like, it's like some people like going to Cannes and walking around with a fucking tuxedo. What'd you think of the movie? Oh, the underlying ambition of the character. Go fuck yourself. I didn't, that's not me. I just went there as a ritual. It was my escape, looking back on it. It was my escape from even drugs. Like I had an escape from the escape. Like most people get hiding an escape.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Uncle Joey had it taken a deep further. I had an escape from my escape, you know. And I would go to those movies and I would look at the characters and I would fucking daydream, you know. Like I would go someday I'll be in a movie and I go, come on Joey, you're never going to be in a fucking movie or whatever one day. I don't know. It was just, I loved the cinema. I loved everything about it. I could care less what was going on in the world as long as I had a movie to go watch. You know, like I fucking loved everything about it. Even today, like I love smoking a fucking joint. You know what, like you can't watch any movies now. But if I see something old is coming on, like I still remember going to see Angel Heart and the movie to Mickey Rourke.
Starting point is 00:22:52 At the, at the, there's the Fox Theater in Boulder, but up the corner is a little movie theater next to the deli zone in Boulder. That's where it used to be up on the hill before the deli zone was there. I used to go to that movie theater all the time by myself. I saw, I remember I went to see the Year of the Dragon by myself in 1985 at the Fox Theater. And after about 20 minutes, I walked out of that motherfucker. I'm like, fuck Mickey Rourke acting like a fucking gangster as a cop. Fuck that punk. And I walked out. I went to see it a couple of weeks later and I understood where it was coming from. But those were the movies I used to go see fucking Year of the Dragon. I still remember going to see Angel Heart up the corner from that movie theater, getting fucking so stoned and being scared in there. And I didn't know what the fucking movie, the movie was great, but I'm like, what the fuck just happened and staying in there for the fucking next show.
Starting point is 00:23:50 And like the people coming up to me going, you know, you have to leave. I'm not going anywhere where you have to pay again. I'm not paying again because I didn't see it the first time I sat here. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. And the guys like that happens to a lot of people with this fucking movie. I swear to God, I thought that was my life. That was, I don't even know how to fucking describe. That's why when I started doing movies, it felt so much better. Like it felt good, but I couldn't explain it to anybody. I never explained it to anybody till now for the first time. Why I enjoyed working on movies so much because they were everything to me. When you're an immigrant or at least in my situation, I think cinema teaches you. I mean, for me, it really, you know, I was catching all those movies as a young kid.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I've never, I don't ever remember getting formal training in English. Like I don't remember somebody sitting me down and going, okay, we're going to start from scratch today. Like when I was three, four, five, I remember just going to school and knowing what everybody else knew. And I knew that my mother, the only thing my mother requested from me was not to speak with an accent. She felt that if I talked with an accent, I was going to get beat up on or goofed on. So she's like, we're going to eliminate that fucking Spanish accent. So I don't know. I think I did it all with cinema taught me how to live. As stupid as it sounds, cinema taught me how to act sometimes.
Starting point is 00:25:16 You know, it's funny, like the first time I went on a set, like the first time you go on a set, I understand you're a little scared. You don't know what's going on. But once they say action camera, whatever the fuck lights action camera, you know, I'm doing what I saw other people do throughout the years. I wasn't doing nothing spectacular. I'm not a great fucking actor. I just did what other people did. I copied them, you know, when I was, I don't even know what good acting was. Like I didn't know I went to all these movies and I didn't know what good acting was till maybe I was like 23. And I started paying that I listened to all these fucking street people. Oh, he's a great actor. What the fuck do you know? Who are you? Shakespeare?
Starting point is 00:25:57 I don't know. When people say that shit to me, it drives me crazy. Like regular civilians are such a great actor. So I would watch these movies and go, I don't even know what these people talking about acting. My point is that there was times I was on a movie set that there were people there like actors and like the director would have to go up to him and say something. And I would go, that motherfucker is never going to say that to me because I already knew that. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, how did I learn that? I learned that from watching fucking 8000 movies. I mean, I am the fucking king. You know, I was goofing on those people the other day, but I just want to tell you, and this is why I'm explaining myself. Because I am the king of fucking worthless information. I'm the king.
Starting point is 00:26:44 You know, you knowing that Paul DeAnneau was the first singer of Iron Maiden. Yeah, unless I go on Jeopardy and they pop that question, you don't need that knowledge for anything else. You know, when you know, and I'm not putting anybody down, I'm just explaining to you that, yeah. Listen, right now, 40 years ago, people would tell me, hey, your brain's going to rot from fucking smoking pot. People always said to you, you're fucking up from smoking pot, bitch. Now I'm making money from smoking pot, right? I got this weed company and I'm making money from it. That was one of the worthless information that I gathered, but it came to pay off 40 years later. Who knew that weed was going to be legal and we're going to be smoking and tremendous comes out July 16th.
Starting point is 00:27:36 That's the last chamber. That's the last chapter in the laughing gas fucking thing. Well, I remember July 16th, which makes it boom Saturday. Stop at the ice cream shop. It's going to be exclusive at the ice cream shop and maybe a week. Then it gets shipped out to other fucking stores in California and anywhere else. Do not forget laughing gas. There's also a buddy's bodega and the motherfucking Bronx. I'll be going up there in a few weeks. My friend brought me some reefer from a different fucking. She works at a dispensary in the Bronx and she brought me some 30% reefer from it.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Not bad. Not bad. It was fucking pricey. She told me what she paid and I was like, wow, but it wasn't bad. It's not what I got. It's not what Uncle Joey gets, but it'll fucking work. But anyway, most I still remember being like in baseball, like in baseball. I didn't want to fuck up, but I knew what I was doing. The only thing I didn't know what they were talking about when they were on your marks. I'm like, what am I running a race? I didn't know what the fuck. When they say on your marks, it's your starting position.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Like everybody on their mark. And yeah, you're going to walk towards Mike and shake his hand. But for right now, you're starting right there. When they would say on your marks, I'd be fucking walking around like, like fucking what they saying. But after they corrected me on that, I was pretty good. And then the rest of the shit, I just put together an acting class. But when I did basketball, listen, when I did basketball, there was no acting training. There was no nothing. It was just from what I watched on television.
Starting point is 00:29:16 All those years of watching TV. So who knows what wasted information? Who knows? So nothing is really wasted when you read a book or when you read about weed, because you don't know when this is going to get popular. So for all those years, I read about marijuana, I smoked it. I fucking learned about it. I learned how to roll joints. I learned how it grew, you know, all this shit, but I was never going to do anything with it. But now people take my word for what's good weed. I like good weed.
Starting point is 00:29:45 I've been smoking it for 40 fucking years. I'm 59. I've been smoking weed for 45 fucking years. You know, I know good weed. I've seen the evolution on it. But anyway, who gives a fuck about the reefer? There was a big part of me going to the movie theater, smoking a nice fucking joint to absorb the fucking movie. But I can't describe how much a piece I was. And now you go to a movie theater, the experience sucks. It sucks. It really does suck. You know, you fucking overpay.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Then you go in and you get fucking rape for fucking sodas. $7 for a soda cost 20 cents. I didn't know the situation with movie theaters was how it was until I tried to get a movie theater to do a screening of the many saints in Newark. And then people were telling me what like what the cost were like. I don't think studios pay movie theaters to show their movies. The only profit they make is at the fucking concession stands. So, you know, it just sucks.
Starting point is 00:30:50 When I was talking to my nephew this morning, I don't have a lot of fucking bucket list shit, you know, but there is one thing I'd really like to do for me. It would be in the words of Rudy Sajo be a labor of love. I would love to open up a movie theater, not big 99 seats. It would not be for profit. If I broke even doing it, I would be a static because I would, you know, I guess I would have to get the format of the movie theaters and not make any money at the door. But I'll tell you what I would do.
Starting point is 00:31:27 I fucking went to a movie theater by myself in 1985 in San Francisco to see the movie mask with share and the other fucking dude great movie share fucking stole the movie. This place blew me to fuck apart. This movie theater was on hate Ashbury. I think it was 85 at the time. I think the regular prices to go see a movie were like seven bucks, six bucks. I tell you, they wanted 10. I'm going to tell you why.
Starting point is 00:31:58 First of all, it sat like 90 people. You did not sit in chairs. You sat on couches, which I thought was brilliant. They had three man couches and two man couches throughout the whole thing. We're a little table up front. You could put your feet on and on the side to have a little table where you could put your sodas and your fucking popcorns. Let me tell you what these motherfuckers had when you walked in.
Starting point is 00:32:24 I'll never forget this. It made such an impression on me that this has always been one of my dreams. I just didn't know where the fuck to start it. Hopefully if one of you people know, we get together and do this. This is a bunch of abandoned little movie theaters. A bunch of them. A bunch of them. Drive-ins.
Starting point is 00:32:40 There's tons of fucking drive-ins as abandoned. It would be now if you go to a drive-in. Have you got anybody seen the new state of the art drive-in? I just saw like one that's opening in fucking Michigan or some shit. Fucking gorgeous. Gorgeous, you know. You don't even put the, it connects to your phone now. The Bluetooth, the movie theater.
Starting point is 00:33:00 You don't have to put a box on your fucking window. Anyway, this is my fucking dream. So I went into this movie theater and I'll never forget that I saw the chick. As I walked in, I saw the chick. She had those butter four packs of butter. As I walked in, I got on the line. There was maybe three people on the line, you know. And she unpacked one of the sticks of butter and put them on the fucking thing.
Starting point is 00:33:26 This little melter and she was putting popcorn through there. It was real fucking butter. Oh my God. And then she put salt on it for you. Like she took half. Like the real way. You ever go to a movie theater now, the guy just fills it up and then you have to fill it in with that fucking artificial diabetic butter. That tastes like shit and your hands get all greasy and shit.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Fuck that. This lady fucking put half in. She put salt and pepper in a little bit of butter. And then she put more popcorn. Then she put the butter and then more popcorn. It was done fucking correctly. The other chick next to her was making fresh chocolate chip cookies. Not the fucking thing with the knife where you put it and it blows up into a Hershey cookie.
Starting point is 00:34:08 No, this bitch had the batter and you went up there and said, how many cookies you want to shoot? You tell her 12 and she make either little ones or three big ones or something for two bucks or something. She put them in the oven and then you waited 10 minutes or whatever the fuck. They had neat stuff in there. They had like, you know, at San Francisco, so there's always got to be a veggie dish. You know, like that was something like sprouts or something like that. It wasn't. There was no hot dogs.
Starting point is 00:34:33 There was nothing like that. It was just popcorn. I think they had ice cream. They had real sodas and a can and shit like that. They sold beer. You know, they had a liquor license or maybe they didn't have a liquor license. It didn't matter. They made like, they had those little pinya colladas that you could drink in there and little more guys.
Starting point is 00:34:52 It was one of the most enjoyable. I didn't drink. I just went up there, put my feet up and I watched fucking mask eating popcorn and I must have developed a ton of those chocolate chip cookies and they gave you milk. It was milk and cookies to what that's what you wanted to fucking movie theater. I don't want to fucking hot dog at a movie theater with the Yankee game. I want to sit back. You know, when you're home, do you go to a movie theater and eat a fucking when you're home watching a movie? Do you eat a fucking hot dog?
Starting point is 00:35:18 Then why the fuck would you watch in the movie theater? Do you understand what I'm saying? When you're home, what would you like to fucking watch a movie with? Nice piece of fucking pound cake. A nice apple pie. I'm old. We're hogging knives with no ice cream on that Dutch apple. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:35:34 I have a smoking room in the back for discussions and chats. We can have a thing up front for Q and A's, maybe sit 90 people and just open up Friday and Saturday for special events and maybe during the week for a matinee. That would make my, that would make my dick so hard, guys. Guys, I'm the type of guy. If I like a movie, I'll watch the movie three or four times. That's on a minimum. So for you people that are watching this, that's what they took away from us over the years. I mean, a lot of things have changed.
Starting point is 00:36:08 But for me, that's what I wanted to talk about the other day. Listen, movies are okay. I didn't want to insult nobody or insult anybody's film work or anything like that. But, you know, when you went to see the Pope of Greenwich Village, you loved it. You know, when you went to see the Pope of Greenwich Village, you left there and you, at least you gave me three lines from that. What do you need a fancy suit for? You got no job to wear it. You know, oh, go home and get your fucking shine box.
Starting point is 00:36:41 You know, that's a memorable fucking line. You know what I'm saying? Like all these movies gave you, you know, what's the movie with the fucking bowling and all that shit with the guy? The guy had Woody Harrelson and all those guys and the dude, look at that movie. I'm not trying to put anything down. I'm just throwing your favorite movies on you. Okay. The Godfather.
Starting point is 00:37:05 Hangover. You know, there's been so many great movies. Now, the last five years, which one of those movies can you hit me with? This fucking scumbag. Whoa, Avatar. Yeah, but listen, guy, you're blowing $500 million on that. You know, that better be fucking good. That better be a fucking good movie because you're blowing $500 million fucking dollars on that.
Starting point is 00:37:31 So before you walk around with your ego, James Cameron, all these movies, you spent $500 million in four fucking years. Okay. So the last Avatar, I don't even remember it. I don't even know what the fucking line from the movie was. So do you understand why I'm talking to you and the Godfather? Leave the gun. Take the cannolis. There's lines.
Starting point is 00:37:52 You know, there's lines. None of these movies. And listen, man, I was inspired a man to and I had a great time. It was great work with Sam Raimi. I really enjoyed it, but I was always mad at myself for doing that movie. I needed the money. You know what I'm saying? Like the money at that point was necessary, but I was always mad about doing that movie.
Starting point is 00:38:15 I had a great time. The movie was a great experience. We got some jokes. If you ain't high by two o'clock, go fuck your mother. You know, all that shit came from that movie, but it was the beginning of these movies they're making now. I don't even know what the fuck they're doing. You know, I did that. Watch that commercial for Thor.
Starting point is 00:38:33 You know, it looks fucking like they didn't shoot a scene. Everything is CGI or whatever the fuck that is. I don't want to watch one of those fucking. Unless I see CGI, really, you like it? I still fucking see it. I'm like, God damn it. Yeah, I'm not look at guys, whether it's podcast or stand up or movies. I like my shit to be serious.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I want to get something out of this fucking movie. I want to get what the I want to get the message that the right is trying to get across. I don't care about the characters and the growth of the characters or the arc. That doesn't matter to me. That doesn't matter to me, guys. I can lie to you and tell you all the arc of the guy that that does that's never mattered to me. You know, that's bullshit. That's shit, shit, shit.
Starting point is 00:39:25 You know, people trying to be fucking smarter than what the fuck they are. But I like to get what the director or the writer was trying to get out of this fucking movie. What's the message? You know, and then we go back to something like James Cunn. You know, in 19 fucking 79, my mom passed and by 1980, I was doing things. I wasn't too proud of, you know, and one of those things was robbing drug dealers or trying to fucking be a thief. I don't know why I don't know where it came from. And one night I was home and I watched the movie thief.
Starting point is 00:39:58 I watched the first time thief came out was in 1979, 1980 and it won the Cannes Film Festival. And I still remember the commercial for it, but I was going through so much with my mother's death and whatnot that I never got to see it. Fast forward to fucking 1981. HBO had the raging bull. Thief and fucking Hollywood nights on this one HBO didn't have 10 million movies. HBO maybe had, you know, 20 movies. They've run 10 of them Monday night, 10 of them Tuesday night and Wednesday night. They'd run 10 more.
Starting point is 00:40:37 I don't know if that's what they did, but I could call my brother Mike and we watched the raging bull and fucking thief every night for probably three months. We would walk the pathmark shop, lift ice cream to make protein shakes and fucking cold cuts and we'd be home by one and we watched the thief Hollywood nights and fucking. And the real thing about Hollywood nights was you ready for this? You know who's in Hollywood nights? Mike Binder. Who is the director of the comedy store documentary? Mike Binder. First time I saw Mike Binder was in Hollywood nights and I realized that they had a couple comics on that. And years later I watched it again and half the comedy store is in that fucking movie except for Fran Dreschler.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Fran Dreschler is in that. I think it's Michelle Pfeiffer. No, no, no. Yeah. Michelle Pfeiffer is in Hollywood nights with Tony motherfucking Danza Jack guys. I'm a movie buff. I'm trying to tell you this shit. You know, something the other day was at a party and somebody was talking about the pilot that spread the AIDS and also I go.
Starting point is 00:41:41 The band moves on or whatever the fucking name of that movie was. If you've never seen that movie on HBO, as a matter of fact, guys, I've been doing the album of the week on Patreon. I don't know if I'm going to switch it. I think I'm going to give them a different surprise every week. I think I'm going to go from the movie of the week to the album of the week because I can't get albums fast enough anymore. You know, all the, I just found a new fucking metal place. Keyport. How far is Keyport, New Jersey from me?
Starting point is 00:42:12 They got a metal something. I got to call Jimmy Florentine later. I just saw it on Facebook like last week that they do having a sale. So maybe I can go down there. Maybe I'll take a ride down to Barnes and Noble and try to pick up a fucking great album that they have down there and freehold. But my album, my albums have slowed down. Bob the Linguist, thank God. Bob just sent me a great fucking album that I put on.
Starting point is 00:42:36 It's a quiet riot of fucking album. I don't know where he got it from Bob, but Bob always comes through. I got to call him up and thank him for that one. But yeah, man, although that cinema was a big part of my life. And now that I don't have it, I've tried to do it. Like I've tried to go on movie theaters and go down a freehold. And it's a, it's a fucking, you know, 12 pier theater and people walk. It's not the same guys.
Starting point is 00:43:02 I'm talking about a movie theater, an old fashioned, one movie movie theater. That's it. I know there's still one in Fairview. Fairview Cinema had one of the best ones I ever went to. Why? Because they had a midnight show. They had midnight movies the first Saturday and Friday of the month. Tremendous.
Starting point is 00:43:23 That's add that too. That's what I want to do. And then guys, listen, it sucked because it was the same 10 movies that they played at midnight. It was just so remains the same. Pink Floyd live from Pompeii. Neil Crosby stills, Nash and Young had a concert movie. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:45 So we fucking guys, the midnight movies were a blast. Plus the midnight movie, we went to, had two movie theaters. They had the Rocky Horror Picture Show and they had whatever you were playing. Like throughout the week, that's the same movie theater I went to see Apocalypse Now at. That's the same movie theater I went to see. I went to see a couple of things at the Fairview Cinema. The fucking one night I went to the fair like this one talking about like a bunch of Scott together and went to the Fairview Cinema to watch. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Fucking the Crosby's. Oh, Neil Young had Neil Young and Crazy Horse had a movie. Who else had a concert film? Guys, there must have been 10 bands that had them like five that you didn't want. The Beatles had the Yellow Submarine and help. They played those two or a fucking help. They played at midnight. They played all those type of films, but I still remember being out there and it was a gigantic fucking line.
Starting point is 00:44:48 And we're all the way in the fucking back. But the thing, all the reason I liked about the Fairview Cinema, the double feature was that 50 yards away, there was a car valve. So we would go up there, go to car valve and then walk the fucking guys. I'm telling you, there's always a car valve and we would walk back to the Fairview Cinema. And one day we're on line and we're all the way in the fucking back and we had this crazy kid with me, John Crowley. And I'm like, how the fuck are we going to cut in the line? I'm like, John, you got to do something to get us in the line. And John looked up and right when you walked in, there was an ice cream cone that somebody was eating.
Starting point is 00:45:22 But they got into the movie theater, so they threw the ice cream cone on the floor and there was ants on the ice cream. But the cone was still intact and it was just melted. This motherfucker picked it up with the ants and started eating the ice cream and everybody was like, oh, so we cut right in that line. While they're moving back, we cut right in the fucking line and got back there. I mean, this is what we did as kids. And I'll never forget being in the movie theater with like 20 gorillas and people were just yelling and screaming. Before the movie starts, you're like, before they even put the upcoming events. And all of a sudden somebody goes, Crowley, get up there and talk to these people.
Starting point is 00:45:59 And John walked up to the front of the movie theater and he just fucking unloaded a bunch of jokes and people were booing at him. Like boo, boo, we're fucking howling in the back. And finally some guy goes, shut the fuck up, let him talk. That's the guy that ate the ice cream outside with the ants on it. And they were like, okay, let him talk and shit. Another time I went in there, my friend was high as fuck. He didn't like long head people and he walked into the Rocky Horror Picture Show by mistake. And we're sitting outside and all of a sudden he said, fuck you.
Starting point is 00:46:31 I'll knock you all out. He's fucking fighting like three other people in costume and shit. You can't write that stuff, guys. You got to live it. You know what I'm saying? That's the same thing. We were watching The Sorry Man. It's the same.
Starting point is 00:46:43 And he came into the movie theater and I had a buddy, Labrano, that stuttered. He stuttered all the time. And we're watching Robert Plant. He's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. He always does that. And my friend would go, Labrano. And the movie theater in Yelp. I feel like the third Labrano, people like shut the fuck up with Labrano.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Because he kept saying Labrano. Because Robert Plant started. So this was, who the fuck has these stories in the movie theater? You know what I'm saying? We used to go to peep shows and then go to a movie theater. Like we were like in the eighth grade. Me and my buddies would go to peep shows in 42nd Street. Then the movie theater.
Starting point is 00:47:19 And then go back to the peep show. And then the way home, stop on 42nd Street and buy an ID. A fake ID. Can you deal with that one? Fuck no. That's how we were living back here, motherfucker. So yeah, it was a long fucking time ago. But that's why I'm so emotional about theater and the movies.
Starting point is 00:47:38 The fucking movies that coming out would suck, including mine. How's that one for you? When somebody tells you their movies suck, at least they're honest with you. Like I don't even want to do a movie anymore. Because I'm sick and tired of being in bad fucking movies. I love Spider-Man 2. Because I can walk around my fucking head up like yeah, it did 60 million. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:47:59 The longest you are, it did 60 million. Then everything else I've been in has been a fucking bomb. I'm heartbroken. I'm fucking heartbroken. Even the Kevin Hartstahl movie, made $20 million Christmas Day. I was like, what? I don't even think I get residuals on that movie anymore. So people just stopped watching it.
Starting point is 00:48:16 They got Kevin fucking Hart in it. Kevin fucking Hart. De Niro fucking Stallone. And the movie, I get like $7 a month from fucking residuals. Nobody watches that movie. So I'm done. I'm fucking done. Every movie sucks.
Starting point is 00:48:29 They just, I don't know. I don't know what happened to the writing and films. I mean, I think the last really good movie to come out for my taste was Man on Fire. Equalizer was okay. Equalizer two, okay. Everything else I've seen has been acceptable. Not really. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:48:52 But the last good movie I saw was 2004. I think Man on Fire came out January of 2004. And it made like $30 million at the movie theater. Then it went away. It disappeared. Did it not January of 2004? I did not see that movie in the movie theater. I'd love to tell you.
Starting point is 00:49:23 I knew about it. But just to let you know how fucking much I loved movies and how much I enjoyed my process. When I got locked up, the same fucking librarian that told me to get into comedy that he would stab me or shoot me, gave me a book like my second month there. When I got to prison, I was reading a lot. I read like fucking Kujo. I fucking love Kujo. You know, that's a great Stephen King book. I read the biography of the fucking guy from Texas that the president, the guy that ran for president.
Starting point is 00:50:05 No, no, the guy that ran for president and he fucking lost. But he's a billionaire. He's fucking Ross Perot. I love fucking Ross Perot. And I just read a couple of books and I went and asked him one day. He got a book for me to read and he goes, yeah, I'm going to give you this book called Wise Guy. And I'll never forget Wise Guy and I fucking read the book and it was about Henry Hill. Henry Hill and Paulie and Paulie son and all this shit.
Starting point is 00:50:32 So I'm pretty fucking excited. It's a pretty goddamn good book. And then he turned me on and then he goes, hey man, tonight on 2020, they're going to interview Henry Hill or somebody from that book. You know, and I remember going to his room, me, him, to Ray Piles, a bunch of us. And we watched the fucking Henry Hill interview about him going into restaurants and shaking them down how they did it and stuff like that. You know, remember the good fellas and they going in, they shake the restaurant down, you know, how they would go to, you go to a club a bunch of night. Like you go to a restaurant every night for about two months. You pay cash, you pay cash, cash, cash, buy him a drink, buy him a drink.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Buy him a drink and after about two months, one day you call Mike, commit for a second. I left my wallet at home. Do you mind if I eat here tonight? Mike's like, sure, you spend fucking 2000 here tonight. God, God, put it on me. I'll give you a tab, sign it and you got a tab. And what they would do is they run up the tabs and then they wait for you to come to them and go, hey, Mike, you owe me 20 grand on the tab. Then you're like, you fucking cocksucker.
Starting point is 00:51:43 After all I do for you in this fucking restaurant, you're going to embarrass me for $20,000 and I go to swing at you. But one of the guys holds me back. It's all set up. And the next day somebody slips the guy a card and says, Mike, if you want to squash this deal with Joey, call this guy. And you call that guy and the guy will say, come down. They'll go, listen, what we'll do is this. We'll pay you the $20,000, but why don't you make us a partner and this shit won't happen. And then they'll put rival crews to go in there and do the same thing.
Starting point is 00:52:12 So you want this to stop. You want to stop. Listen, make me a partner. You get your deliveries on time. The garbage you get picked up on time, you know, and nobody will do this to you. And then that's where the good fellas, they bust out a joint and they take it out. So he told that story on then somebody or something else. And I'll never forget.
Starting point is 00:52:32 I don't even know. I'd like to tell you that I read it. I don't even know. I found out in a fucking obscure way that good fellas was wise guy. I'll never forget that. It was like three weeks out. Guys, I've always been pretty excited for upcoming movies when I know about the movie, like the last 20 years. No, but when I was younger, like I knew about 48 hours.
Starting point is 00:52:59 I still remember going to see 40 hours with my buddies and fucking it was the coldest night ever in New Jersey. We went to see it at Edgewater while we were sitting in the car smoking pot. The rats were under the car scratching at us and shit. You have no fucking idea. But good fellas, like I really wanted to see it and I was not going to see it on a Friday night. When good fellas got released, I was in a halfway house. I was in the BCTC in Boulder. And I was like, you know, you can't smoke pot when you're in a halfway house.
Starting point is 00:53:30 So I was like, how am I going to do my fucking my system? Because I remember when I was in the halfway house, my escape was my escape has always been the movies. I still remember going to see Turner and Hooch by myself with Tom Hanks. I'll tell you what movies I went to see. I'm not embarrassed about them. I like all different types of movie. I remember going to see Batman by myself with Jack Nicholson and all those movies. I used to go to all that when I was in the halfway house and that was great.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Jurassic Park. But when good fellas came out, I didn't give a fuck whether I peed in the bottle. I didn't give a fuck when I was in jail. I was doing my system. I'll never forget when good fellas fucking came out, I was in a halfway house and you weren't allowed to drive. Unless you get to like level four and then you're allowed to level four is when you could take furloughs, stay out till midnight and you could drive. I was like level three.
Starting point is 00:54:26 So I was not allowed to drive and I'll never forget. I go, I'm going to see good fellas. So what I did was I got it, I told them I worked at a detailing shop and I did. I worked with my buddy, but they couldn't call the shop. I was always on the pager so they could never know where I was. And then I worked driving cars so they could never really arrest me or press charges on me for driving a car. So I'll never forget. I'm fucking, I'm counting the minutes to this fucking good fellas, right?
Starting point is 00:54:59 It's, uh, maybe 1990 came out 1990. I'm counting the fucking minutes. What was it? Yeah, that makes sense of 90. Yeah, it makes sense. That was close to my separation. So I, I was miserable. I was fucking miserable in September 1990.
Starting point is 00:55:21 It was an halfway house. I think I was married. Yeah, I was married. I was not fucking happy. I'm like, I'll find a little refuge by going to see good fellas. So I went, I got some reefer and I'm driving to the fucking movie theater who pulls up next to me, but my counselor. And she's next to me at the lights, smoking a cigarette. And I'm right next to her going, holy fuck, please don't look over at me.
Starting point is 00:55:51 And I couldn't move the car back or forward because then she'd really look. I had to get her attention. So I was like, fuck this. I just sat there and the light turned green and she didn't see me. I was like, I fucking went there. And that's when you, when I was doing in those days was I was almost, I was almost level four anyway. So what I was doing those days was I would roll a joint. I would roll a regular joint, not a big joint, not a little joint.
Starting point is 00:56:18 I just wrote the regular joint and I had a gym. I had a gym. I paid 35 bucks for it. It was a garage. I had a punching bag, weights, a radio, and I would leave that joint in the gym because nobody knew I had that gym. Only my wife knew I had that gym. Nobody knew I had that fucking gym. So I would go there.
Starting point is 00:56:37 I would leave a joint and all my reefer and cocaine and everything. I would leave there when I was in the halfway house. I had a scale in there. I had everything in there, but I would go in there. And I'd roll a tiny joint and this is what I would do. And I'd turn it up and that was it. That was the extent of my smoke and that joint would last me two fucking months, but I would get so high on those two fucking hits. I would get so high because that's all the body.
Starting point is 00:57:06 I trained my body just to live off hits. One hit and I would get stoned. I would go for my Chinese food. Then I'd take two more hits to follow the fucking program and I went to see fucking good fellas. I didn't give a fuck if they were going to throw me in jail. I didn't give a fuck about the blood test, the piss test. They never piss test me. They never did anything.
Starting point is 00:57:28 So here I am. So obviously I beat it. But if there's one thing in this life right now that I fucking truly missed and there's one thing I really enjoyed growing up and I still do. And you know, people tell you, oh, it's great. I could watch a movie at home. I'll tell you what, it's not bad watching a movie at home. It's not bad, but it's not a fucking movie theater. It's not a movie theater, guys.
Starting point is 00:57:55 It just sucks. That's why I call it the cinematic experience. It's not just going to the movies. Yes, there's some people who go to the movies. I was never one of them. For me, it was an experience. For me, it was two or three hours. Like I could go to a matinee and go, like Mike would call and go, what time do you want to meet today for Mike?
Starting point is 00:58:17 I'm going to fucking 1130 movie. If Rambo two is good, I'm going to stay in there and watch it again. I would just get up and go to the other side of the feed. I just get up, go to the bathroom, make a call on the pay phone, make believe in the guy would go for something. I sneak right back into the fucking theater. I did not care. That was my life. I was such and I miss it.
Starting point is 00:58:36 I fucking miss that so fucking much. Well, I missed. I'll tell you what else happened. Doing movies and working on movies and being in that industry. It's like looking behind the curtain and you're like, well, like the other night I was watching spider-man two of my daughter and he's on the fucking train with the thing. I still remember them shooting that. I still remember them shooting it and it was nothing what you guys think. He was on a train.
Starting point is 00:59:01 Right. They had them. They had ropes around his arm like Jesus Christ to fucking give like the web effect just to so he wouldn't fall off the train. I don't know how they were doing it. They gave him movement in his arms and he was on a train. The train was standing still. The train was standing still. I didn't see the CGI going past.
Starting point is 00:59:23 They don't show that in the studio. All they showed was the camera on him and right there where Mike is where the camera is right there. There's the biggest fucking fan you've ever seen in your life. And I'm not talking about a fan this big. I'm talking about the fantasizers room guys. It's, you know, it's probably, I don't know, 10 feet in fucking diameter from one point to the other diameter is the circumference of it. I mean, just in length. It's a big fucking fan and they would have that fan maybe 20 yards away from him and that fan would just be fucking blown on him and he would have to.
Starting point is 00:59:57 They put something in his eyes, which you don't see. Yeah, they did a bunch of shit. I watched those scenes getting. I love all guys. It's my fucking world. The only reason why I didn't become a director or a fucking movie maker was because to be a director, guys, you got to fucking put your time in. You got to put your fucking time in.
Starting point is 01:00:22 You know, we live in LA. We live in a time now where everybody wants to be a director because everybody has a fucking camera. But nobody knows how to fucking direct movies no more at all. Not really good directors. You see the finished product. First of all, the product doesn't end with the director no more. It ends with the studio. The director shoots and they pick the fucking thing and they put it in the director.
Starting point is 01:00:45 I like I like particular directors and I like particular guys. I'm such a movie buff like Rick Ramos. I got to have Rick Ramos back on here. Rick's in Arizona. I haven't spoken to him in like fucking three months. He's living with his mom. He's got a job, but he's still doing the podcast and stuff. But even Rick and I would talk for hours about movies and experiences and movie theaters.
Starting point is 01:01:08 I tell you where I went to a movie theater once I was kick ass fucking Toronto. Toronto had a kick ass movie experience guys in 1997. I can't imagine what they're doing now. They had an experience where they had waiters waitresses, your feet went up little table next to you. They went one more than all these GNC. What's the name of the movie theater? AMC like AMC. They all have the seats and that's great.
Starting point is 01:01:35 They had the recliner with the table next to you fucking wait. You can press a button and a waitress came to you for matinee movies and shit. I love all that shit. So that is my fucking bucket list. I'm happy I fucking said it out loud today. I'm getting old. I don't want to do half the shit I was doing. I'll tell you what happened today.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I'll tell you what happened Monday morning. So over the weekend I booked a couple more dates. I booked the seventh and eighth at Uncle Vinnie's because the residency starts on the 17th and I want to be ready to rock. So I was trying to book a couple of rooms around the area like I'm going to do it. Tripoli's coming I think. Is it this weekend? Next weekend Sam Tripoli will be at the fucking A Dojo Accomedy. I'll come up there one night and do a guest set with him.
Starting point is 01:02:26 In fact I'll call him today and try to book a Wednesday there. I try to book a... Friday the 15th. Is he? Yeah. So it's just Friday, right? Yeah. Friday and Saturday or just Friday?
Starting point is 01:02:37 I don't know if it's Saturday too but I don't know if he's there both nights. Okay. Yeah. So Friday and Saturday Sam Tripoli's at the Dojo Accomedy both nights. Friday and Saturday. So I'll probably go out there and see him Saturday night and fuck around with him a little say hello. But I called the comedy club. I had my...
Starting point is 01:02:57 You know I called the guy and I'm like hey man I want to work your club. And he goes what date? And I go July 21st. You know it's a Thursday night. I'm at Uncle Vinny's on the 20th. So I want to do one week where I do two nights. I don't want to do Friday and Saturday though. I got too many things going on the weekends.
Starting point is 01:03:15 So the guy goes I'll call you back. I'm having lunch. I go okay. And he called back like three hours later. I was busy doing something. I went to the fucking Marlboro Fourth of July thing on Sunday. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:34 That's what I was doing. I went to the Fourth of July. They had like a... On the 10th they had it. Because everybody's away for the Fourth of July. They did fireworks and a band and they had ice creams and shit. So he called me when I was there. So I didn't want to fucking the music was on.
Starting point is 01:03:47 I couldn't hear over the music. So Monday morning, Tuesday morning I wake up and I got a message from my agent. He goes yeah he agreed to do the thing but he agreed to this, this and this. But he wants you to pay $500 for fucking advertising. I'm like no. That's what they do to you. Not the comedy clubs as much but theaters always have like for expenses. What are the fucking expenses?
Starting point is 01:04:18 Give me the expenses. Let me know what the expenses are. Maybe I can get them cheaper. You know what I'm saying? When you ask them what the expenses are, they start fucking dwindling. So I said listen, I'm not giving you $500 for expenses. It's a one night show. This is what I'm doing.
Starting point is 01:04:32 This is what I'm taking. I'm charging $25 tickets. I'm not raping anybody. I'm not, you know, that's not my fucking whatever. So yeah, he wanted $500 for me to do the show. I'm like see you later bye. I could just keep going to Uncle Vinnie's or the Dojo Academy or whatever the fuck I want. I don't need to go to your fucking room for $500.
Starting point is 01:04:54 So like I said to you guys, you know, and I had to call the guy and go listen. Forget my agent. I'm going to tell you how it is. Last time I worked your room, you had fucking people standing there. You, those people paid and you didn't pay me from what they paid. I let that go. But if I go there again and I see a person standing up or anything. I'm just walking off the fucking stage.
Starting point is 01:05:16 Like I don't need to do this. I don't need to do stand up right now. I'm doing it just as a hobby for me. But once they start fucking around me again, I will not feel like this people. I told my agent, I will cancel the gig, cancel the deal, withdraw the offer. Really? Come on. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:05:34 Now you know your fucking job next time too. Now you know what needs to be done because I told you motherfucker. I'm not fucking around with these people no more. I did this enough for 10 years. It's my game now or we're not fucking doing it. You know, when you, when you're a chief of police or when you're doing, when you're on the job for 20 fucking years or something like that, you get to pick your fucking schedule, get to pick your schedule.
Starting point is 01:05:56 Now it's my time to pick my fucking schedule. I don't want to waste my time in Friday and fucking Saturdays. I got shit going on. I'll come in on a Wednesday or Thursday, but it's an isolated night. And I don't want to hear none of your bullshit, peevery shit like that. That shit does not work for me. Yeah. Yeah, I promote my own dates.
Starting point is 01:06:14 What 500 fucking dollars. So now you see what the fuck I deal with. Anyway, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Sorry about not having a guest today. You guys don't want one anyway. I love fucking cinema old school, just going on movie theater by myself. I don't want to know about arcs and shit like that. I just want to have a good time and be entertained guys.
Starting point is 01:06:34 That's it. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Thank you for watching. Remember, we got the 20th to July and uncle's August 3rd and August 10th. I don't fucking know. Go to unclevinnie's.com and take a look. And then we got a, that's it. I wish I had more to fucking tell you motherfuckers.
Starting point is 01:06:53 Do not forget July 16th. Motherfucking tremendous on the gaffing laughing gas label. And that's it. And that's that. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great week and I'll see you cocksuckers Monday morning tip top. Magoo. I'm going to have a tremendous jujitsu guy on next week to talk about the commitment of being a world champion.
Starting point is 01:07:17 I love you. Stay black. All right. We talked about cinema. Now you know what fucking the movies will like to experience. But that's it. The joint is brought to you by factor. Listen, you want to relax in the summer.
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Starting point is 01:10:32 Stay black and Uncle Joey loves you. Thank you for watching.

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