Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #181 - Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk on the phone with Jiu Jitsu Master Eddie Bravo about his upcoming tournament EBI.  This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 05/28/2014.

This show is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club, get high-quality reasons to send to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church, that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church, or just go to joeds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also brought to you by Nature Box, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks martyr in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola.

Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey, that's naturebox.com promo code joey, and congratulations to naileditlife.com welcoming a new member to the family. Also for the premiere rate, depend on the market, mention joey Diaz and get 20% off. Want to hear it talk something? Absolutely. Oh shit, it's that day. It's that motherfucking day.

You're saying what, Joey, what day? May 28th, cops up the, the day the devil was buried at sea, fucked in the ass, they plucked his fucking horns and they put one up his asshole, it's over, wake up bitches. Oh shit, are you fucking kidding me or what? El Diablo is going down, we're back. You ready for some of this shit, Lee? Absolutely. You know what's in here?

What, dead? Fucking dead. All right, get that motherfucking down. What's happening? The church of what's happening now, Wednesday, May 28th, we ain't got time for fucking fucking around today because it's that type of day, it's Wednesday. You know what I'm saying? People like Joey, it's Wednesday, so who gives a fuck?

It's Wednesday. Monday, you were thinking about hot dogs, yesterday you were still fucking half retarded from the hot dog juice, today you're back, you had a three day fucking week, pick yourself up, get it together, I know you're feeling blue, I don't feel like, get the fuck up. Who gives a fuck what you feel, life ain't waiting for fucking nobody, cocksuckers. What's up my little brother? Nothing, you can, every time I see you, more of those things, you know. I got fucking tubes from everywhere, I can't just throw them away, you gotta, this one's

no good, cocksucker. I gotta get a new fucking batch, what's up with you? Nothing. I feel great, I'm always excited for tonight. You're always excited for tonight. But it's just, I've been running, I don't know what it is, usually when I look for an apartment, I get the first one I want, I keep getting caught on, now, so it's been kind of a frustrating month, but what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do? You got a pad, you're not hitting the car no more, you're back. I never hit it, but it just. Somebody fucking hit it, cocksucker, somebody hit the fucking car. You should see it, this dude, it's an extra outie, he's letting his girlfriend drive it, and she's just not telling him or something, so they thought they could get one over on on the Jew, but the Jew don't fuck around, cocksucker. So what are you gonna do?

How about I hit you in the head with this vapor tube, got excited? You're gonna do that anyways. Fucking smokes. If people listen to our conversations, half of it is, don't let me come over there and kick you in the shit 18 times with a steel-toed boot. Don't let me over there, hit you in the head with the e-cigarette and with a dog shit on your head. It's a beautiful day to be alive, get up May 28th, more of the day week, beginning

of the summer is really June 21st, but fuck it, that's what they say. Thank you very much for listening to Sunday Night Special to keep hitting that motherfuckerly. It's Wednesday, cocksucker, you gotta shake El Diablo, the Saratiana podcast we thought it was, it's something different. We always like doing something different, don't have to be jumping up and down, I wanted to get a little women's love in the office, a little women's perspective, I want to thank you for coming on. I also want to congratulate, nailed it, Life Dave at Alonzo and Pete, I love you guys

up there. You did a great job with the vapor pen and Los Gumi's and Mono for welcoming a new family member, a new fucking Cuban, that's what we need. The world needs another fucking Cuban, you know what I'm saying? The world needs another Cuban, like the fucking Julie, you're following me, we don't need no more fucking Jews and no more fucking Cubans. We got to trim the herd on the Jews we got rebuilt, we got to rebuild again, there's a lot of work this motherfucker's walking around with sandals, looking around, let's go home,

let's go home and play ping-pong, we got to stay, we got to get the Jews back to the day one. What do you want Jews doing all day? Out there, suing people, looking for holes, making opportunities, fucking, you know, torturing people, telling people they can't bring black people to games, you know, Jews forget who the fuck they are with this new, like everybody else in this society, forget who the fuck they are. We just try to get them on the show.

They want to be who? A mean Jew? Yeah. No one would sterling, we should get sterling on the show. Fuck that old man, he's probably pissed. I love to get sterling on the show, listen to him back battle, he loves black people. No, no, what you would do is you would, you would just start like saying like agreeing with him and get him going, like give him like two of these and just get him going.

They just tell him I hate fucking black people, they got dry feet, you know, the whole fucking thing, you know, just getting the Hindus too, fucking everybody. Lee motherfucking Syat, what's happening brother? You walked yesterday? Yeah, no, I'm trying and it's just, I'm trying to decide or, I don't know. I honestly don't know what I'm waiting for. When you started losing weight, did you ever have that moment where like, I'm trying to, like part of me, like maybe I should get a bike, maybe I should join the gym and it's

just, I don't, I should just do it and break down, but it's just. What do you like, Lee? Biking, I like that a lot. Biking, so you're gonna get a bike and drive around fucking Hollywood, that's what you're telling them? You're gonna put a helmet on, you're like one of those fucking scruxes. They have that, what I've been thinking about is they have that path on Chandler. You're not gonna do it, so forget about it.

If I put a pork chop out for you and said, walk over here, I got a pork chop for you, you wouldn't walk. So forget about it, that's getting the bike and getting the bike trail and putting the helmet on and going to Chandler, hoping it's a nice day, you know, there's so many variables and that's why I tell you to walk. You wanna start with the most easiest common denominator, I like these people that, well I joined this gym in Pasadena, wait a second, you have a hard time going the fucking routes to go shopping?

Yeah. Well they gave me a deal, I'm telling you, that's an hour there and an hour back, you're not gonna make it happen, it's three hours. You need something at first that's easy, that's why I get the kettle bells, I don't move my car, because they're in the trunk of my car, so I go down there and if I get in a fucking mess. When I first wanted to lose weight, the first time was after the longest yard and I went across the street and I was totally out of shape, I was smoking three packs of cigarettes

a day. Three packs? Yeah, I was doing two and probably one or two packs when I got coke. Oh my God. I would smoke another two packs of camels, they used to come with a promotional, if you buy one you get one free and I would smoke every fucking cigarette, that's when I'd go to bed. Jesus.

Guys, you have no fucking idea, if I go back to 2005 you have no fucking idea what I was doing on a Monday night, you figure, okay my week consists of seven days, okay, like everybody else, my main goal every day is to write one hour a day, my schedule is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, the first thing you see is write one hour a day, like for that you would see write one hour and then you'd see podcasts at 6am and then you'd see audition at 4am and live podcast at 8am, okay, I didn't have a schedule back then, I didn't even have a notebook, I would just get up in my days or a cappella, if I wrote calmly, I wrote calmly, if I didn't write, I didn't write calmly, I made notes with a notebook

but it wasn't that, it was how I was living, I was getting up, eating breakfast and then eating another breakfast out, I was doing everything to avoid working out, you would call me and say, hey Joey, let's go eat lunch, I can't work out, me and Leigh are going to talk about the podcast, you know, I made, I gave myself excuses and listen man, that's everybody, we all give ourselves excuses, like I said, I treated that YMCA, I moved it in with Terry in 2000 and until 2005, it took me five years, you know what the Honda dealer is, that was where the Y was, I showed you, I went across the street Leigh, I thought the devil lived there, I made, you know, there was battered women there, that's why I said

there's battered women, it's not a gym, I would tell myself that, finally Leigh, you go to events, I would go with Rogue and these young guys and I couldn't even walk from the fucking airport, I remember Tate Fletcher carrying my luggage and picking me up, I'm not lying to you people here, I'm not kidding you people, these were my friends, Rogan would park the car far away so I would have to walk, I would be pissed at him, because it was a nightmare, I would go to hotels and sit in the room the whole time, they would work out, they would go swimming, I would meet them to go in the pool and I would do a couple laps and I always had my own workout, they would go come with us, no, no, no, I'm going to do my own workout,

my workout was sitting in my room and stretching, that was it, these guys were offering me my help, I had Eddie Bravo, Joe Rogan, Tate, Ari, they were all going come downstairs, we'll teach you Jiu Jitsu, no, no, no, no, no, and I just avoided it because I was embarrassed, my body, the shape I was in, another Brodie Steven used to go, Joey Diaz has the body of a 50 year old man, when I was 32 years old, I was just out of fucking breath, you know, between the cigarettes, the blow, the fucking weed, you know, it just took its toll, but my whole thing was food, I love fucking food, man, we all love food, but it wasn't love for food, it was just gluttony.

Yeah, you're never happy after you do it, like you don't feel full. No, because you didn't do shit, you didn't do shit, it was, I'm not kidding you, I would make my wife make breakfast, let's make breakfast, all you need to do is give my wife a green light, especially to fry, she'll fry anything at a New York fucking minute, she's from the south, bro, don't fry fucking anything, bread, don't fucking people fry beans, don't fry anything, I talked to the father yesterday, he was frying up Kyle, something, they fry up shit, okay, so she would fry up, I'd say three eggs, I'd get a whole loaf of wonder bread and get a tub of butter and just put it on the white bread and get the egg yolk

and put it on the bread and eat it, and I would eat three of those eggs, we'd kill a pack of bacon, and a half a loaf of bread and three cans of coke, and then I would wait now, I'd get high again, and then I'd go to McDonald's before 11 and get the egg McMuffin, the potato, and the coke, again, I remember one night the bartender at the fucking comedy store said, you drank like fucking ten cokes tonight, one time at the Miami Improv, the owner of the club came over to me, he goes, you drank sixteen cokes tonight from the bar, like sixteen fucking cokes that night, you know, there was no water in my life then, I wouldn't even consider drinking fucking water, water was

beneath me, and it's just this pattern you get into, and it's an avoidance, and that's to the point where you're putting clothes on, they don't fit no more, you feel like shit, when you go to get up, you feel like shit, it's just this whole continuing down spiral, it sucks shit, and then, you know, most of America does not understand, they don't even know where to start, America, listen, we don't know where to start, we do, we all do, like I was talking to Rick the other night, like you've said it before, like I know if I wanted to lose weight, I should eat salads, and I should work out, I should, it's just, for me, it's A, the pattern is

I've never done it, and then it's what seems scary, and then it's just, it's so much easier not to do it, like that's, no it's not, because it carries over into your whole, it does, ever since I started doing this, it catches on, you catch on, and nothing happens in one day, nothing, Rome was not built in a day, you have an extra hundred pounds on your body, you didn't just put it on overnight, you just didn't wake up, so it's gonna take time, and that's the killer, time is the killer with everything in our lives, yeah, I almost got tricked again, and I had to stop myself from ordering it, I don't even watch it, but have you seen pond

stars, like the guys in Vegas doing that pawn shop, yeah, yeah, apparently one of them was really big, and he lost a lot of weight, and men's health had this whole thing I saw on Facebook, he took this pill for three months, lost 70 pounds, though working out, and part of me was like, they found it, but I didn't find nothing, they found nothing, because everything is a shortcut in America, we all know shortcuts don't work, we all know as human beings that shortcuts don't work, after a while, after you're like 20 something, you go wow, they don't fucking work, okay, none of that shit works, what I'm gonna do, and what weight

watches taught me, before Dolce, before anybody, that's why I'm so loyal to weight watches, it was weight watches, and it was Rick and I who walked into weight watches, and Rick and I, it works, it works, listen man, it's been four years and I've kept 75 pounds off, okay, I put on 50 pounds, I lost like 125 fucking pounds, ask Rick, I was, and here's what the problem was, when I first walked into Justin Fortune's gym, it was Justin Fortune who said to me, Joey, the party's over, I saw you walking into your car, you know, Justin does have no shortage of words, yeah, there's no light niceness from Justin, Justin at the time was Pacquiao's

boxing coach, and I would buy weed next door, and he would see me walk into the car, and out of the car, and I'd walk over, say hello, but as soon as he told me walking to the gym, I always had to do something, yeah, Joey, when are you gonna come to the gym, walk around, hit the bag, no, no, no, finally I met a guy from Boston, his name was Maca Foley, who I spoke to yesterday, he's in New York training James Franco right now, oh wow, Maca's a bad motherfucker, Maca's one of my closest friends in LA, I talked to Maca three times a week on the phone about the bag, yesterday we talked about shadow boxing, he spoke to me about shadow

boxing, the importance of shadow boxing, he's 68, and shadow boxing is not a word that, okay, so you understand me, it's all, you know, when you talk to those guys, you're like, yeah, you're a fucking idiot, you know, he does sit-ups, he does push-ups, so he trains people during the week in Maca Foley, you go down and you can 20 bucks, he'll train you for six rounds in the thing, you hit the fucking bag with him, he teaches you how to punch, he teaches you how to fucking parry, I mean it's a great thing, because working out you learn, I always, my dick gets hard when I learn, I don't care what I'm learning about, if you take the time

out of your day to teach me something, that means the world to me, you know, so he would talk to me every day and go, Joe, you're putting on the pounds, I remember at this time I would weigh myself on the scale and I couldn't even weigh myself, the scale stops at 350, oh Jesus, I would have to go to like a cattle house to fucking weigh, I'm not kidding you, but I know at 350 the scale would go ding, ding, which meant there's no hope, there was no hope, and I finally went to a heart doctor who had the scale, and I met him looking at me going, he goes, you know your 418, and I remember I couldn't even make eye contact,

yeah, I couldn't even make eye contact, it must have been, did you ever think about just like, all right it's overall just eating till I die, no, I know I didn't want to die, I knew at that point that this had to end, so I had gotten off the coke, I outlived the coke, okay, at that point you're off the coke? I just outlived the coke, so this got a, I got, when that doctor told me I had a strong heart, he goes, your heart is very strong, so what I did was I went to Justin's and I would hit the bag, Nacophola goes, I don't want you to do nothing, I want you to do nothing, I want you to stretch a little bit, and I want you to stand in front of

the bag, and I want you to punch the bag like this, and I'm gonna stop everyone and I mean, I mean, I would have to stop after 15 seconds, 15 seconds of punching, I would have to stop, and I would have to wear two pair of underwear, two, two, Lee, because I would pee my pants, I still pee my pants, a little bit, a little bit, or I got a fucking piss real quick if I catch my breath, I mean I'm not lying to you people, I have no reason to lie to nobody, and I would punch the bag, and I did that for like six weeks, and I lost weight, but I didn't lose the sufficient amount of weight that I thought I would lose, it's fucking hard. You want to lose

like 50, 60 pounds? I want to lose 50 pounds in a day, you know what I'm saying, and I would lose three pounds, and that three pounds, or one pound, but I didn't understand that dieting was everything, and that Christmas, like I was working out with NACA maybe a month, and I did go on a diet, I ate one cheeseburger instead of four, I ate one egg, two eggs instead of five, you know shit like that, and then I read something, I read that, they did a study that Americans could work out all day long, but if they didn't die, they wouldn't lose any weight, and I knew they were talking about me, you know, we live in an age now where you go on the

internet, I had a friend that's very heavy, and she called me up, and she goes, I overheard in one of your things that you're doing kettlebells, she goes, I bought a 10 pound and I do them in my house, and I go, how'd you learn? She goes, I go online, I found this one webpage that really broke it down for me, it's a beginner webpage, or you put the weight between your legs, you know, you stretch the stretches before, people are very embarrassed, it takes a certain person to go to a Y and work out, but what you're gonna find is years ago, Christy Miller was a comic out of New York, she's still in New York, sweet girl, you used to hang

out in the store, this was way before I ever thought and dreamed of, and it's a funny story, but it's not, it just goes to show you that there's human compassion in the gym, there really is, so what you think is gonna happen to you in the gym, those days are over with you, when you walk into a gym after a week, people look at you different, and they gain respect for you, they'll come up to you and go, hey man, thanks for coming in, and you're like, all right, I'm doing three minutes on the stand mask, I'm dying, because they're telling you they've been there, so the first thing, Dice used to get on me, Dice and Steve Simone, did you

know that? Dice always got on me, always, always, and he got on me as a friend, Joey what the fuck, you're getting bigger in the stage, Joey what the fuck, you got to work, why don't you come work out with me in the cage, you know, and it just, you know, people help you, people love you, so they say little things to you, sometimes you get mad, because you're like, who the fuck are you, but they love you, or they've been there, they've been there, once somebody's been there, you got to listen to that person, you got to take them to someone and listen to them, no more war between me and you, what do I got to do, and they'll tell you, Joey do this, you

get people that go, oh, you got to clean them out, no, no, those are the people that fail as personal trainers, because they're putting, so you got to read the person's psychology, you're not going to have them running fucking sprints, if he hasn't worked out in three years, their bones hurt, when you weigh 10 pounds overweight, your bones hurt, if you go for a long walk, your feet hurt, you know, so you got to start slow, you know, put that, you got to look at everybody's different, every fucking body is different, what works for Lee, isn't going to work for Joey, and what works for Joey, isn't going to work for Timmy,

what works for anybody, it's just really fucking scary, and when I read that article, I broke, I remember Marilyn Martinez, for some reason, she pushed Weight Watchers, and I had a friend in Denver, who was huge, who was huge, when I first did comedy, this guy wouldn't come to my comedy shows, because he was embarrassed, and he told me one time, but his wife talked him into going to Weight Watchers, and he became a marathon runner, and today this guy is a fucking rail, he eats protein, because Weight Watchers, you know, when I went to the county jail, I used to go to jail all the time, and I noticed when I got out of

jail, even though I ate chocolate at night, and potato chips, I lost weight. When you get out of jail, like county jail, you're like, oh, you tightened up a little bit, yeah, because, portions are small, portions are small, and your body adjusts them, you know, when we go to Roma, you go to Roma, and get two sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, roasted peppers, and two sodas, or I give you one sandwich, with no sides, and you'll get just as full, yeah, if you really think about it, and that's what they do, they slow you down, you know, until this day, for breakfast, like one egg, with one piece of wheat toast, I can use, America

wants two eggs, go one egg, you'll be full, if you scramble that egg, and cut, there's a piece of ham, there's a piece of ham you buy at the supermarket, you cut that in half, it's a point, let's say Weight Watchers gives you 44 points a day, it's a point for a half a piece of ham, so you fry that ham, you make one egg, one egg is two points, that's three points, and English muffin is two points, so for five points, you ate breakfast, it's not the breakfast you're used to eating, that's why you got to eat it with fruit, you got to devour, fucking a pineapple, or a cantaloupe, or a watermelon, or two apples, and then

drink a gallon of fucking water, for me, it was Coca-Cola that was killing me, so I went to Diet Coke, not the healthiest choice, but for then it worked, that's what people understand, for now it works, well, you don't know what you're doing to your, it works for now, you have no idea what I was fucking drinking, okay, so I'm drinking three Diet Cokes and water, instead of 16 solid Cokes a day, shut your fucking mouth, okay, so I'll glow in the dark for a few months, who gives a fuck, mind your fucking business, because it's all sacrifices, it's all little sacrifices, it's the same thing with life, man, with this, and

you do it every day, that's the thing, when I wake up in the morning, what do I put, now I'm gonna stay motherfuckers, I don't, I know you're bored with that stupidity, and I know you're bored with the church, I know you're bored with, hey, well, I should dick, I do it to show you people that you have to do something every fucking day, you know, I don't tweet on the weekends, but Monday through Friday, I'm on there, my day every fucking day is the same thing, once I went to Weight Watchers, I went with Rick, and that really changed things, I realized that when you go to Roma, you get, when you go to Subway, you got a

footlong with the bag, and you get the soda, you go to footlong, you get six inch with a cup of soup and a green tea, you accomplish the same thing, that's what you learn, instead of eating two steaks with a baked potato, you eat a half a steak with a salad, that's all they want you to do, number two, eat now it's done, that's the thing, eat now it's done, going on a diet is not a diet, it's a lifestyle, it's a lifestyle for the better, I'm still a fat fuck, but my lifestyle is 100% better, I go to physicals, I got a finger put up my ass, I fucking, now they got to put a tube, you don't got to send shit in the

mail to a doctor, did you know that when you hit 50, and I thought there was a joke, I thought it was a fucking joke, about six, seven months ago, I got a call from Kaiser where my wife had Kaiser insurance, because I was on Kaiser's insurance, yeah, and I was on a screen actors guild insurance, I get a call from fucking Kaiser, and they're like, hey man, this is Dr. Such and Such, we rears in our records, you turned 50, we're gonna put a cup in the mail, we'd like for you to put feces in there and mail it back, I thought it was like lead playing with me, I'm like all right, whatever, send it to me, I'm fucking weak, I got a cup in the mail, I

looked at this cup and they're like, you know, shit in the cup, it gave me the instructions, I'm like, I'm not shit in no cup, they called me again, we never received a cup of your feces in it, what the fuck, why you want my shit for, I'm gonna mail you a fucking cup full of shit, so then when my wife quit her job, they stopped calling, so I have to shit in the cup, well they had that one for a physical, and they said to me, Joey, by the way, when you're 51, you have to do this colonoscopy, where they stick a camera up your dick hole or something, your asshole, and you gotta, they put you out, fuck you, you gonna put me out and

put something in my ass, that's called rape, well I'm fucking from, you know what I'm saying, you wanna put some of my ass, I wanna watch it, you know, fuck you, you gonna put some of my ass when I'm passed, I gotta take my wife, then I'm thinking I gotta take my wife to a ceremony, really gonna put a camera up my fucking ass when I'm passed out, I fuck it, but you gotta do what they test you now for hepatitis B, if you're over 50, between certain ages, and the doctor told me, he goes, I'm something else, you gotta shit in the cup, and I was like blown away, this last week, this doctor's my main man, Dr. Wax, like what

the fuck are you talking about, he goes, you gotta shit in the fucking cup, you have to shit in the cup, you gotta read the thing, what you can eat, what you can't eat, then you gotta shit, and you scrape a little bit off, and then mail it to us, and we'll take care of it, I got the envelope staring at me, I put it on my bulletin board, I've been thinking about shit in the fucking cup all week, but that's health, what are you gonna fucking do, you know, I got insurance, they offered to me, I gotta do it, the worst thing for me to come and tell you, I got cold and fucking cancer, I need to come over and fill in that whole process,

I just, just seeing it, and then the cup falls over, we're gonna do it, no this isn't a cup, I gotta scrape it, and put it with a spoon, like an envelope, and then I put under a microscope, and look at my shit, in this fucking day and age, somebody wants to look at your shit, that's like the fucking, that's like the crystal ball of the future, to see what's up your asshole, but you know, it's the first step, and anything is rough, you know, this morning in the shower I was thinking about when I first moved here, and the guys I hung out with, and every Saturday they celebrated something, twice a month, what are you doing Saturday, we're

getting together, we're gonna have a party at something such as birthday, and they asked me what I was doing, and whether I was doing something or not, I refused to go to their stupid fucking parties, because they were comedians, and on Saturday nights, you're working, if you're not working, you're out there first trying to do a spot, and then after you do a spot, then you can drink and snort coke, and fuck somebody up the ass, I'm with you, but your main job as a comic is to do that fucking spot, you know, your main job is whatever, is to do that spot, but I don't, listen bro, I don't give a fuck about your schedule, I don't give a

fuck about, you know, the greatest line in movie history, besides the movie line with Rocky is Alec Baldwin, in that movie, Grilling Gary Ross, when he does the speech, and he goes, good father, fuck you, a good father, you supply for your family, you want a boat, with your friends playing, you find what I'm saying to you, all that, people make a big deal about their lives, fuck you, today I gotta do, I gotta go knee surgery, I gotta have knee surgery, I tore up my ACL, I tore the fucking thing, there's arthritis in there, there's a muscle that fucked up on the side, I thought it was the knee, you know what, today, once I finish this, I'm

going to a Y, I gotta ride that bike, I gotta keep my heart going, I gotta do you political for 50 fucking minutes, my wrist hurts, I won't do kettle bells play, there's no Jiu Jitsu today, I have the live podcast tonight, there's no Jiu Jitsu class today, it's an open mat, up at Street Sports, I rather fucking do my wrist though hurts, I don't want to land on the wrist or something, so I'm gonna do the N political, there's always something you could do, I'm 51, you think I want to walk through the fucking wine, lose my parking spot, is that what you think, no, but I'm doing it anyway, I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck,

you know when I'm home in the mornings, and the baby wakes up, my morning's done, whatever I was working on is done, so guess what, I gotta get up at 5 30, that gives me two hours without the baby, because she'll come in anytime after 6 30, we wake up, anytime after 6 30 to 7 30, she'll come in bouncing, running in the fucking room, and she doesn't understand the concept of hold on, daddy's gotta finish this, no, you know people don't understand that, yeah you got a schedule, that's fine, I don't give a fuck about your schedule, this is what you need to do, you know, you need to go for a walk, if your

mother comes to visit you, that's fine, at one point a day you give her a kiss and you go, I gotta go for a run, where we going, we're gonna have cupcake, no we're not, have cupcakes with Paul, I'm gonna go for a fucking run, and people be mad at you, but they respect you, they'll go, what the fuck, this guy, no, because life goes on, you, I don't give a fuck about your party, I don't give a fuck about your thing, I have to do this, this is what people in this country, people in general, and then they get mad because they don't get the results they get out of life, well I had to do this, no you don't have to do nothing, well my friend had a dinner,

fuck your friend on this fucking dinner, you get there an hour late and you fucking run, or you exercise, or you go swimming, or you finish the chapter in that book, I don't give a, Lee, how long you know me, do I give a fuck about anything? No, when we got a job to do, we got a job to do, Christmas, new years, birthdays, that's all bullshit, that's for fucking people who don't want to fucking succeed, we work 24 seven, that's how you gotta do it, you look at the people who are successful, I took the day off because I deserve, what deserve, what fucking deserve, what deserve, what do you got coming, you got Dick coming, Dick, I get it, you're playing with

your kids, I'm thinking all fucking day, I'm thinking of the next move all day, I love it, where's the phone ring, hit it, what's happening little brother? What you doing dog? You bad motherfucker, over here schooling these cocksuckers, letting them know they gotta get up every day and watch their assholes, nothing changes, you know what I'm saying? Nothing changes, nothing changes, you know, when you were going for the fucking thing a couple months ago, when you were training for the fucking thing with John Jock, in the afternoon you get home, you pick up Draco, you hug him, you kiss him, once you pick up your child, what do you

have on your mind, you don't want to go nowhere, right? But you still got to get up and go do your fucking squats, right? Or wrong? Who gives a fuck, you got to hug the kid, kiss him and you got to go do what you got to do, could you imagine if you sat there all day playing with your son all day, it's great and you're a great father, but what would happen to your house, who would support your wife, who would support your kids, who would attain their goals? Nothing man, nothing gets done, nothing gets done, I like these, I'm gonna be a stay-at-home father, you're a stay-at-home faggot is what you fucking are, get out there, stab a motherfucker, how's your son gonna learn from you, cocksucker? I'm gonna stay home and play tic-tac, get the

fuck out of here, I'm sorry Eddie, I'm emotional this morning, what's happening my brother? Hey you know what, we're in the same boat man, you know, I like going out and getting to bacon and my wife stays home and raises Draco and teaches them all day, I like that man, but I also like staying home and when I'm not traveling on the weekends to an affiliate of mine to teach a seminar, staying home is like vacation, I enjoy staying home when I can because I'm always out there hustling trying to make a dollar, you know, to keep that rent paid, so we're in the same boat man, we gotta go out there and slave some dragons for our family. I know, I know every fucking night, I know you love Jiu-Jitsu, I know you love it, I've been

around you for 10 years, you love Jiu-Jitsu, but I know I talk to you every night at 10 after eight when you're driving to teach and I gotta tell you something, there's some nights I know you don't want to be there, you'd rather do something else, but you love Jiu-Jitsu and this is what you do and you don't give a fuck if the world ends or the 101 blows up, you still gotta be there at 830, you know? I don't give a fuck, you take a helicopter, it's really amazing how people call you and they go, oh this isn't working out for me, you know, you're lucky, Joe Rogan put you on the podcast, Joe Rogan put me on the podcast, but it's the work I do after Joe Rogan, you know, these motherfuckers, nobody, everybody wants to fucking go to heaven,

but nobody wants to die, Eddie, so it's just a, it's just a thing that I know, you know, you're an older gentleman at eight o'clock at night, you're already thinking about putting your feet up and getting your balls licked, you gotta go fucking teach and snow feet and shit like that, you don't need the aggravation, but you do it because that's what needs to be fucking done. I have no choice, there's no choice, and you know, I ain't complaining, it's a great job, man, you know, teaching people how to strangle each other, I'm blessed, it's surreal, I can't believe that's my job, but you know, you're right, sometimes you just want to fucking stay home and get tired from, you know, doing different things during the day, sometimes you want to stay home,

but no matter how I feel when I'm driving the class or anything, I know once I start teaching, I know once, no matter what I'm feeling, I could have a hangover or whatever, once I start teaching class, I'm obsessed and the passion just flows, you know, it's a rare, rare, rare time, while I'm actually teaching and I don't love it. No, I know, I know what my, you know, it's really weird, man, I've been going to Jiu Jitsu now for a year, you know what I did last Friday night at seven o'clock, Eddie, when all my friends are doing this and this, I went to the beginner class, and you know what I saw Friday night, Eddie, and I know for you, it ain't much, but for me, it's my, I did the whole floor of hip escapes, do you know when I fucking started at that school, I could only

do three hip escapes and I'd be out of breath and I'd pee my pants and I'd have to fucking take my ski top off and breathe, do you know that I go the whole length of the fucking floor now with hip escapes, bro? Perfect hip escapes too, the ass all the way up, to me, that means more than somebody giving me $10 million, Eddie. That's a beautiful thing, man, it's beautiful, man. For me, that means more than me, this Friday I got a bust of ACL, my knee is gone, they're doing surgery the last week of July, but you know, today I can't do nothing because I got a podcast and I got an audition, I don't have a jujitsu class in the afternoon, but fucking tomorrow I'm gonna go to jujitsu, and even if I can't do a half guard or whatever, I don't give a fuck because I know it

affects the rest of my life, Eddie. I know when I get on stage in the back of my mind, I know that I did the whole length of the floor in hip escapes, that might not be much to you, but to a guy like me, that gives me a ton of fucking confidence when I go on stage, you know? Absolutely, man, that's what jujitsu does, you're reminded every day of the things that you were retarded at, and all of a sudden you master, you realize that you can master anything, and you know, what you learn in jujitsu just reminds you of how magical your body is, and you know, if you're not doing jujitsu, you're just driving to work, and you're sitting in your office all day, and by the time you get home at night, you're tired and eat, you watch some TV, and then you crash,

you're not reminded how magical your body is, so you think you can't do shit, you think, like, you have no confidence in yourself, but what jujitsu does is it reminds you every time you go in, you suck at a certain technique, and now, and then you get really good at it, and then you get unconscious with it, and then you get magical with it, like, well, you're rolling, and your body does the movement, you just kind of like just oversaw the whole movement, and your body just did a lot of stuff, you didn't know what it did, then you realize, wow, man, I could apply this to anything, I could, I could master anything, you can do anything, so that's what jujitsu does, that's, that's how, you know, when people always say, oh, jujitsu changed my life,

this jujitsu, jujitsu changed my life, that, and people always talk about it, but they don't really get down to the specifics, man, the specifics are your body is magical, you teach it how to do something, you do it over and over and over again, it'll do it by itself, and it'll do it by itself way better than you commanding and you doing it, it's pretty incredible, and that's, that's how you get to change your life, because you realize that, man, if I get into any trade, or any, you realize you can be a lawyer, you can be, you really can be a doctor, or you really can do anything, all you got to do is study, do the drills, do the homework, and you can do anything. It's amazing that you don't get carried away, I'm only good at hip escapes,

everything else, everything else, my body's not magical, I'm only good at hip escapes, I could do two of them in a row, then I got to tap out for a second, until I get you back in my gut, what's up my brother, man, that just woke my ass up, you know I'm never up at this time, the only time I'm up at this time is to take a piss, I'm like walking like a zombie to class, and uh, or to, I'm sorry, and then that's how fucked up, I'm walking down the hall like a zombie to take a leak, and then I walk back, I'm never up, rarely talking, just on your podcast, it's the only time I'm up. Hey, 10 years ago you were just finishing eating pussy, the Indian was just making, the Indian was just wearing off 10 years ago, you know what I'm saying? At six in

the morning you were just coming to the feather, you found the feather on your chest, you didn't know what happened, you're like what the fuck happened, there was a feather on my chest, I went out, I'm missing a shoe, you were leaving balloons in Germany, you know, you got a shoe in your backpack, so what's going, so what's going on this weekend? This Sunday in Hollywood at the Florentine Garden, my first jiu-jitsu event, I've been working on this and brainstorming on this for a very long time, and me and Victor Davila, he's the Spanish commentator for the UFC, he's uh, we're partners in this, and the name of the show is Eddie Bravo Invitational, also known as EDI, we're doing it this Sunday, doors open at 430 at the Florentine Gardens, you can get

your tickets at eddybravoinvitational.com, EDI is two 16-man submission-only tournaments, we're doing the 145 and 170, and it's uh, you know, there's really nothing out there man, like it's kind of like Abu Dhabi where it's a bunch of weight classes, 16 men in each weight class, invitation-only and qualifying-only, but we're doing it submission-only, and we do have overtime rounds, but there's no submission, uh, the overtime rounds are submission-based, you know, so, and that's not going to do with wrestling or take downs or anything, most jiu-jitsu tournaments have to get into overtime, it really comes down to who the best wrestler is, and when that happens, you know, I'm not against wrestling, but what that happens is you can have a guy who doesn't

know any jiu-jitsu, she just wrestled this whole life, he'll stall in regulation just to get the overtime, and then overtime and first points win, you know, and basically it comes down to wrestling, so we fixed that, that was a flaw in the jiu-jitsu game, you know, and again, wrestling is a beautiful art, and everyone should know wrestling, but jiu-jitsu matches shouldn't be decided on wrestling, that's what we're doing here at EDI, you know, they're submission-based, so, um, uh, it, there's a YouTube video that I made this, uh, going over and explaining the overtime rules, and you just go to, uh, YouTube and search, any problem, invitation, invocational, overtime rules, I explain, it takes 13 minutes to explain, so I can't do it here,

I need visuals to explain it, but, um, very, really, really excited about it, and the 145, the number one seed is Jess Glover, and in the 170, the number one seed is Gary Pelton, two monsters in the jiu-jitsu world, and we got that 10-point guy, you know, Gio Martinez, and his brother Richie Martinez, they're both in the two, you know, it's, the whole, my whole format is designed to, to, to promote as much urgency within the fighters to make it exciting for, uh, TV, you know, we're basically shooting a pilot for Spanish TV, there's a Spanish, uh, uh, major network, really, really interested in this, they're going to be there, they're sponsoring the event, uh, the, the ring announcer is at work for the, the network, so, it's not

sold yet, it's still a pilot, but we're trying, we're trying to get this on TV, and the Spanish market is embracing jiu-jitsu way more than the American market, the American market, they don't care, they just want titties on TV, and that, you know, in Mexico, jiu-jitsu is, is on a New York life, it's just like the UFC, they love it, Mexico is just embracing jiu-jitsu, they're, they're, um, so, that's what we're going, we're going to the markets that are embracing in a market where we don't have to try to pitch, go to a pitchman in America, you know, pitchman, you try to explain how awesome jiu-jitsu and, and how cool it would be to be on TV, and they're like where the titties at, where's the, the, you know, where's the new, uh, Jersey Shore,

that's what they're talking about, so we're not even gonna try to put it on American TV, they're gonna, they're gonna have to, uh, see it, uh, be successful, um, in the Latin market, and then hopefully they'll pick it up, but, that's this Sunday, quarantine gardens, uh, pick it's only 25 bucks, again, you can get on the website and buy the tickets there, I hope to see all you guys, there'll be a bunch of death squatters there, it's gonna, my goal is to have them, to create the most exciting jiu-jitsu tournament possible, that's my goal, I might fail miserably, but that is my goal, and the rules and everything were, the, the whole focus was to be exciting enough, not just for in the hardcore jiu-jitsu fans, but for everybody worldwide, just the casual UFC fan, that's what

we're aiming at, that's a beautiful fucking thing, that's a beautiful, thank you very much, I knew, I knew it, now when submission only, there's no points, that's what you're telling me, then no points, no points, that's what kills the game, there's been a point format in jiu-jitsu since 1996, since the first tournament in the United States, there's been no TV, or just the point system is just, it just, um, encourages stalling, you know, as soon as the guy's up on two points, maybe he took the guy down, or passed the guard, they'll hold, you know, he'll hold, and generally he'll stall, there are guys that don't care, you know, that are exciting in the point format, there are guys like Key and Cornelius, Hatha Mendes, Marcel Garcia, but generally overall,

you know, you got four matches in your division, your first couple matches, you don't want to blow your wad, you don't want so, you get a couple points and you hold, that's great for you and your teammates, but it sucks for the people sitting in the stand, people watching at home, so we're trying to cater to the people watching at home, which is something a jiu-jitsu promoters have never done before, because in jiu-jitsu, they cater to the competitors, because the competitors pay the bills, the promoters are making money off the competitors, they pay $120 each, so they're making it, uh, um, all about the competitors, when we're, we're trying to make it all about the audience, the spectator, we're focusing on them, which, uh, no one has really done before,

everyone's focusing on making the competitor happy, so we're trying to make the audience happy, and hopefully this works out and we've done our best, because I'm allowed to bust it or ask, and this is going to be a great show, man, I hope to see everybody at the Florence and Garden this Sunday, doors open 430, if you go into the Mundial, the World Championships, uh, you know, if you get bored there, you know, you know, you know, you gotta tell your buddy, let's get out of here, let's go to EBI, dude, this is killing me, you can do that shit, you know, it's only, uh, the Mundial is probably like 30 minutes away from Florence and Garden, so, uh, we're hoping to pack it up, make a lot of noise, and, and just to make sure everyone has a good time, and people talk about it in a

great way, and, and we just keep going, and we keep doing EBI Grand Prix, EBI, we're gonna do EBI women and children, you know, just a tournament with just women and, and children and teens, uh, brackets, you know, um, there's so many amazing kids out there doing Jiu Jitsu, they're virtuoso, but, uh, that's, the kids are sometimes more entertaining than the adults, you know, a lot of times actually, and so are the women, you know, watching girls and, and women do Jiu Jitsu, and seeing how good they are, uh, that's pretty fascinating as well, so we're gonna, we're, EBI's gonna encompass, um, everybody, and everybody does Jiu Jitsu, you know, women, children, old ladies, you know, five-year-olds, uh, people with cerebral palsy, uh, do Jiu Jitsu,

um, everybody does Jiu Jitsu, you have no excuse, there are people with cerebral palsy that do Jiu Jitsu, so, if you're out there thinking, oh my god, I can't do it, I'm gonna get hurt, there are people with cerebral palsy doing Jiu Jitsu, there's a guy named Kyle Maynard who has no arms and no legs, he does Jiu Jitsu, there's guys with missing legs, they did Jiu Jitsu, there's guys missing arms, they did Jiu Jitsu, so, you have no excuse not to do Jiu Jitsu. You know, it's funny, there's a, there's a guy up at John Jax, it's a 72-year-old black belt, they just sent me a picture of him, one of the guys, Javier, and, uh, I guess he had a heart attack in his 50s or something like that, that really inspires the fuck out of you,

Hegan Machado's got a kid that had a heart attack an hour after going to Jiu Jitsu, Eddie Bravo, he had open heart surgeon, he went back to class, he's a purple belt now, I was rolling one of my, couldn't believe it, I'm like, you're not scared, he goes, no, they fixed my heart, I'm back, it really is amazing how better I've got as a comedian since I started Jiu Jitsu, Eddie, I've improved. I wouldn't help you, I wouldn't help you in comedy. Confidence, whenever I listen, Eddie, for me to walk into Jiu Jitsu, I'm scared, because I don't know anything, I don't know, and it's a scary thing for me, and when I would walk out of Jiu Jitsu and there'd be a little bit of sweat on my shirt or a lot of sweat on my shirt,

whether I reviewed techniques, whether I reviewed a hip escape, whether I reviewed, you know, escaping from the mount or a sweep from the mount, when I walked out of Eddie, I felt like I did something that was out of my comfort zone, and when you do something that's out of your comfort zone, I could go kick box all day long, I could do Muay Thai all day long, I'd go there and do the four rounds and learn the technique for the week and spar, and it's another day for me, because I've been doing it since I was five, with Rashad's father, he was my first karate teacher, but wrestling and Jiu Jitsu, anything on my back, I never had confidence of, so whenever I walk out of Jiu Jitsu, that's my accomplishment

for the week, I know I did something. My goal is to do two sessions a week at this age, that's all I can handle, especially if I do kettlebells and if I do the epileptical, you know, I'm non-testosterone, I'm overweight, but I got to tell you something, man, if for me to go in there and just, I do little things and there's such a big accomplishment for me, if I pass a guard one week, to me, that's like winning the fucking silver at the Mundial, to me, to me, to Joe Diaz, to me, when I hold somebody in my closed guard and I get them in my, in a half guard and I hold them there for five minutes, even if, whatever, even if I just break this posture, to me, I made an accomplishment, I did better than the week before. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, most people, they have a misconception

of how tough Jiu Jitsu is and how, they think there's just going to be a bunch of sweaty, bald, MMA fighters, you're going to go on a cage and they're going to throw you against the cage and they're going to smash you. Man, at 10 Planet HQ downtown LA, we got two beginner classes a day, two. We have, there's one in the daytime, there's one at night and sometimes there's two at night. The day classes are just filled with beginners that know nothing. My instructors, Siobhan Graham and Scott Ross, they walk everybody, they hold their hands, walk them through. The beginner classes are tailor made for people that know nothing, nothing. So by the time you get to my class, my class is the advanced class, you know, by the time you get there, you'll, you'll have

some weapons in your pocket and you'll have confidence and you'll know, and everyone that walks in and finally takes the first class, they all say the same thing. So like, man, I had no idea I was going to love it so much and how fun and easy, easier they thought it, you know, it was easier than they thought it was going to be, you know. It's like, most Jiu Jitsu schools have a good beginner class and if they don't, then that, you know, it's kind of tough. It really is. They're throwing the beginners in with the advanced guys. You gotta, you gotta have some big balls to do that as a beginner. But, you know, find the local Jiu Jitsu school and ask them how, you know, how many beginner classes they have a week in. They, you know, if they have, you know, at least two

to four, then you'll be fine. Just hit those for six months a year and then slowly make your way through the advanced class. But like I said, at HQ, now we got two beginning classes a day and they're filled. There's like 20, 25 guys per beginning class every day packed with guys who don't know anything. And by the time I get them, by the time they transition to advanced class, they have some serious confidence and flow right with the advanced class. It doesn't take that long. Maybe a year, you know, time flies. If you've got to be in the beginner class for a year, that's going to go by so quick and plus if you're scared, you want, you just want to stay there anyways. You don't want to, you know, transition to the advanced class until you're fully ready

and fully have your confidence on track. What nobody remembers Eddie is that I knew Scott Ross when he was a nerdy rider at the comedy store. And he was a sweetheart of a kid. He didn't say two fucking words. He used to sit there with nerdy glasses in the corner and ask me questions about comedy. I always loved him. And one day I walked into HQ when you were on La Brea. And I think he was a blue belt and he was a completely different man. His body had changed. His back had changed. He had long hair. He was smiling. He came right over and grabbed my leg. And now I watch his drills every day. Every day he already posted his drills right now by fucking seven o'clock. Scott Ross already posted HQ drills on Facebook. And I sit there and I look at the quarter guard, transition

to the back guard and my head fucking explodes. I mean it's fucking amazing what Scott's doing down there. And I spoke to him. I spoke to him a few weeks ago and I told him once I figure out I really want him to take some time with me and he was fucking open to it. So I mean Scott's a great guy. He even told me there's a train from my house to HQ. Yes, that is correct. There's a train from my house to HQ that my wife could pick me up on the way home at 11 on Mondays and Wednesdays because those are the days she either works either or. So I spoke to him already, you know. And it's pretty fucking interesting the things I'm learning and how I'm feeling lately since I started. And I took your advice on one thing. When you did Meta Morris the second,

this last time, you spoke about how you were talking to him throughout the match. Yeah. You spoke how you wanted it and it was you made me laugh so much. You're like, I don't why am I talking shit to somebody? I'm going to talk something funny because I don't want to be a mad guy wrestling with me. I've been doing that lately, Eddie. And I've been fucking people up because you know, you know, once they take me down, I'm like, you cock sucker, I can't believe you did this to me. Now I'm going to get you. And we both start fucking laughing and now I get them. That's my world now. Once I got you laughing. It's my fucking world. But no, no, Eddie, I learned a lot from you and you're good at what you do. And

I watch all your fucking shit on YouTube and you're my brother and I love you. And I'm going, I called, I'm taking George with me and John Evans. I'm taking Argentina and George and John Evans. So I will be there Sunday cheering you on. Eddie, man, you know, when I met you, you were a fucking DJ at some fucking strip club where I couldn't afford a hand job. And now look at you. Remember, I would go out there with you and Rogan. I'd stand there because I didn't have 20 bucks for a hand job. I'd just stand there and look at your records. How you doing, bro? You got the Tentations, Papa was a rolling stone. And now you're, you're, you know, you're the elite of the elite. Every day I got to answer a question about you. Every fucking day,

I answer an Eddie Bravo question. Every fucking day. Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy. Every day I answer an Eddie Bravo question. You know, it used to be Joe Rogan questions. Are they bringing back fear factor? You know, is he really, did he really kill a mountain lion? But now it's, uh, it's, uh, it's all you the last, especially since Meta Morris, I always get something about Eddie Bravo at some point in the day. And it makes me laugh. So, uh, I wish you luck, Eddie, with everything I will be there Sunday with bells on. I will not be competing. So tell him I will not be competing, but Joe, but Joe Jiu Jitsu will make a fucking appearance on Sunday. We'll be there sober. No, no reefer.

How the fuck is that? Thanks very much, man. Eddie Bravo. How the fuck is that? I went to prison. I was in a halfway house. When I was in the halfway house, I gave him two hot UAs for cocaine. They put me in an outpatient rehab. I went for three weeks. I was married. I'd been arrested. Half my life, nobody could stop me from smoking reefer. I went to Jiu Jitsu for seven months. I decided I had to stop smoking reefer because I couldn't wrestle with people. What does that tell you? That's something I'll leave you with that just to let you know how much it's changed me in so many ways. So thank you for showing me Jiu Jitsu, brother. I love you to death. Thank you for having me, man. And I'll talk to you later, my friend. Have a great

day. Thank you for calling. Okay, bye. There you have it, you dirty bitches. If you're not doing nothing on Sunday and you're in the valley or something, let's all meet over at Eddie's place about five. Let's go support his first event. I'm sure a lot of the brothers are going to be down. I'm going to try to get Ari and all of us to go down there with some fucking 10 planted shirts and jump up and down. It's always a great thing to see one of your brothers going for one of their dreams, you know? And if you know anything about Eddie, this is one of his fucking dreams. So let's go down it. Put it together. What cocksucker? That's pretty hysterical. And you went to the strip club and you couldn't afford to sit there and look at the albums, look at, oh man, that's

nice furniture. Speaking of albums, I don't think I told you when I went down to Steve Simone, you know, his buddy Ryan, who owns the burrito place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's told me about it a couple times. Yeah, he, I think, I think he probably met you at the store once, but on one of Steve's podcasts, we were talking about how my dad and I would always quote Bill Cosby himself, that album. So he bought me the vinyl, he bought me the vinyl version of it. So now I have like a vinyl version of the bill of that Bill Cosby album in my house. What are you going to do? I have to buy, I have to find a record player. I don't have one, I don't even know where to look for one, but I would just, hearing albums, I go, oh, shit.

So thank you. You better buy a fucking record player. That's good. You're getting into something, cocksucker. I love you. Let me give some shout outs to some beautiful fucking people. All right. Are you starting? You want to? Sure. Kirby McKenzie, you know, I love you. He does. He does. He's a good guy. No, I'm saying you do. I do love Kirby McKenzie. Shut the fuck up, cocksucker. I'll stab you with this e-pencil. DeGust, six ounces. I love you. Rob Johnston. I love you too. Nikki Pompa. What's the story? Jessica S. Get it together. Bill Mann for rest. I love you too. And Aunt L.A., you're always a bad motherfucker, always supporting the fucking cause. I don't know if you guys follow UFC or you give a fuck. Robbie Lawler versus Matt Brown was announced yesterday.

Yeah, break this down. To Sacramento. We've worked with Matt Brown for a while, but when you came in, you were like, that's basically like a Dilla versus King Kong. Robbie Lawler just beat up fucking Jake Ellenberger the other day. Poor Jake Ellenberger. I'm a fan of Jake's. I know he's a fan of the fucking podcast, but once I saw him doing the Anthony Robbins thing, talking to himself in the cage, I knew the confidence was low. And Robbie Lawler read that also and just started attacking him with high kicks and whatnot. Robbie Lawler is a fucking brawler. Robbie Lawler is a guy that's been around the game. Yeah. And he's putting it all together now. All the stars are aligned. He lost to Hendricks and the championship, the five rounder. Some people felt he won. I felt

Hendricks squeaked it out. Who the fuck am I? I'm not a judge. But I also know he comes to brawl. Matt Brown, the other end has been a fucking monster. He just came off the fight a year. Eric Silver still in the fucking, still shaking his head going, what's wrong? You know, but Eric Silver, don't get me wrong. That was a hell of a fight, if anybody watched it. And I know today's the UFC based fucking card, but what the fuck? We're just talking about getting healthy and getting in shape. So that got an annals yesterday for Sacramento, July 26th. I'm fucking very excited about that. That's a great fucking card. Let me talk about on it real quick here. I'm back on the strong bone because my knee is hurting. So I'm doing some surgery July at

the end of July. I'm going to go strong until fucking July with the knee. He wanted to give me a quarter zone shot yesterday, but I said, no, he's going to shoot my leg with some cartilage healer to start working on the cartilage, but he still has to go in there and clean out the whatever the fuck you call it, the arthritis, whatever the fuck you call it. So I've been taking the strong bone again. Listen, man, for all your fucking needs, for supplement needs, I'm not kidding you. Everybody else is fucking outdated, whether it's the shroom tech sport, the shroom tech immune, the digest enzymes they got now. You know what? On it is getting better every fucking day with their products. I mean,

just out for brand alone. I feel fucking tremendous. Go to on it.com. See what they got. See if there's anything you like, anything that will, they have a money back guarantee on their fucking products. Go to joeydeers.net. Go see what my tour dates are. If I'm coming to your hometown with t-shirts, whatever the fuck you want to buy, a G patch, whatever the fuck you want to buy. While you're looking at that, look at the on it box. Press the word in church, CHURCH. Press the code in church. Get 10% off. Go look and see what on it has for you. They got something. It's working for me. The Alfa brand. I'm not telling you everything works for me. I use the hemp protein, the acai. I use the hemp protein, the chocolate, but I switch up on proteins from

time to time just so they taste better. There's no better tasting fucking protein than hemp protein than the hemp-forced chocolate. No better tasting chocolate. It is fucking delicious. Aubrey went out of his way to get the best cocoa fucking beans there on the world. I mean, all jokes aside, it's fucking tremendous protein. If you're looking for that, just something to get you started in the morning. You know, you mix it with water, you put in your gloomateam, whatever the fuck it is, the amino acids in your back like a fucking soldier. Go to on it.com. Trust me. I wouldn't break your balls about this if it wasn't working for you. Maybe you're thinking of starting a program. Maybe you're already starting a program. You need a little extra zip. Just give one little

thing of shroom tech sport. You're not going to, you're going to feel fucking great when you're working out. You're going to go, wow, yes, I ran two miles. Today I ran three miles. Go to on it.com. Also, to one of my favorite fucking people in the world, because I can't tell you how much I save you if you go through these people at Dollar Shave Club. You're a man. You got a wife. She shaves her pussy. You want to shave your asshole. They got everything for you for that. Why are you spending 22 bucks for raises every month? Why are you going to some fucking place and waiting online? Why? Why? Why? Why? You fucking live off your time. I don't know how much time you got left. Get a mail to your house. Amazon does a fucking great job. I don't even know if they use Amazon.

I'm just telling you that they mail the fucking raises to your house. They got three different programs. They got a dollar, six dollars, and nine dollars. You get four fucking sets of blades sent to your house every fucking month. That's it for one low cost. A dollar, six dollars, and nine dollars. If you want to try the six dollar plan, it's tremendous. It's a double blade, the nine dollars double blade with an allo strip. They also have a post-shave fucking thing. They have the shaving cream, the cocoa butter thing, the shave cream to eliminate fucking ingrown hairs. They also have the one wipe Charlies for your asshole and your nutsack. If you're in a rush and you want to get your balls licked and you don't want to show up smelling like a fucking, like a

fucking dog in heat, a freak without warning. Like a what? A mama look of the year. You don't want to smell like I'm on a look of the year. So you got to fucking wipe your nuts. All right. Also, nutrition at its best. Naturebox.com. Nutrition snacks at their best. Naturebox.com. I can't say it enough. Naturebox.com has blown me away. Whether it's the cocoa almonds, the spicy pistachios, the sesame sticks. Every fucking month they send me something. And every month, the Southwestern party fucking mix. Every month they sent me something and I go, wow, this is fucking good. The figs, my daughter lives off those fucking apricot figs. Go to naturebox.com right now. Look to see what they got to offer. They're offering you a thing 50%

off your first order. 50% off your first order. 50% off your first order for mentioning the church. Go to the box on my webpage and press Joey. Joey, get 50% off your first order. 50% fucking 50% off. Give me your half off the first order. I always take care of you, motherfuckers. You understand me? Value is what I'm trying to save you some fucking geetus here. Nobody ever saves you geetus. We're talking about money. $1, $6, $9 for the raises. On it, 10% off. Fucking naturebox.com. 50% off of the nutritionist approved fucking snacks. Go to naturesbox.com right now. Pressing Joey and get 50% off your first order. And then after that, you can switch them around every month, but you'll get them sent to your house right there

on the first. You don't got to go nowhere and get snacks. Also, again, congratulations. They just had a baby nailed it like Peter and my man David. I love you guys to death. They're not together. I'm just saying I'm not on the company, but one guy's the uncle, one guy's the dad. I love their nailed it life. I have their vapor pen at the house. It's tougher than fucking death. You could put wax in there or a fucking oil. You could put gas. You could put whatever the fuck you want in their fucking pen. You understand me? That's how good fucking their pen is. Go to naileditlife.com, tell Joey Diaz and the fucking box and get 10% off, 20% off the first order. They also have Gumi and Miles. They don't ship to everywhere, but talk to them about it.

Naileditlife.com. I love these guys. They're family, friends from Western New York, New Jersey. What up, cocksucker? You get emotional when you're talking about this. I get emotional about all this shit because I love these people who fucking reach out and they also give you guys a deal and that's very important to me. Yeah. You guys know how I know nature box is good because every time someone says something, Joey always gives it to me. I haven't seen nature box in fucking seven months. I got like a bag at the house. You're always like, that's so good. I got something at the house for you. Every next time I see a dog, those cocoa moments, those cocoa moments that didn't make it talk. I was like, all right. One time they sent me two bags of cocoa arms. I'm like, I'm gonna save

them for Lee. Fuck. That was the longest fucking week of my life. I was telling me something happened the other night. That was really interesting to me. I was watching a TV show. It doesn't matter what show this guy's, but it's a show that you motherfuckers don't shut the fuck up about. Real housewives. This is vapor pens. Delicious. I think this is OG. They might close. No organic is closing. Why? Because of the government? They sent the letter to the landlord. The landlord's fucking shaking this track. They're gonna blow the place up. So no organic might close for a few months. It's killing me. It's a pain in my fucking ass. It's one of the best fucking weeks to us out there. No organic. They got some

fucking weed now that killed fucking Jesus. I'm telling you, I'm telling you right now, they got a PR over there that's so fucking strong. I took one hit off a bong and went to Burke Crisis Barbecue. I couldn't stop eating hot dogs. I couldn't stop. They were following me. They were chasing me to fucking hot dogs. They were talking to me. One fucking bong that hit on the PR. And I smoked that shit with Doug Manson in Texas. Nothing happened. I think I did a pipe, a pipe hit here the one night of the candy, whatever. It didn't do nothing to me. The PR right now and no organic on Burbank will fucking set you back three days. It's like fucking, we're gonna wake up like, what's that dude that woke up with a beard? Humpledink?

What's his name? The dude who went to sleep for 20 years and he woke up with a beard and dirty feet? I don't know. I don't fucking know. Humpledink or something like that. That's what'll happen to you. But it's really funny. I was at home the other night and the show was on. I had two or three episodes of the show. It's a half hour comedy. And I'm sitting there and listen, it doesn't matter what show it is. It's the point I'm trying to make here. I'm watching the show and I'm sitting there for 15 minutes and this show's killing me. But then my wife comes in and I go, I want my wife to watch what I'm watching. So we finish watching the show. We're watching them. We watch another episode that they play on this show. That's like 15 minutes. My wife looks at me. She goes,

why are we watching this? Now guys, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a savage, you know, I'm not all there. But my wife is white, raised with a great family, Tennessee, you know, she don't drink none of that shit. She's watching the show. She turns over to me. She goes, this show was fucking terrible. This show was fucking terrible. And I'm like, God, everybody you talk to says this show is fucking great. I watched it last year, a couple episodes. I think it's okay. It's entertaining at its best at a four. But this show, once it gets off the air, nobody will ever watch this shit again. And it's amazing that you talk to people. And this is the thing. So I call Lee right away. And I go, Lee, I just watched that show. How bad is that show? He's like, you know,

whatever fuck you told me, it's the cool thing to watch. You said, you know, guys, when does it end? When does it fucking end? When is something, you know, it's like, we went to Texas somewhere in the barbecue, and you got to wait on line for three hours. That ain't cool. That's what people wait on line to be fucking cool. So they go tell somebody what the fuck they did. Well, I wait on line for three hours. This one is waiting online being cool. It's like these idiots that put those glasses on. And they sit there like I have glasses on. Really? You think you're fucking cool? Because you got fake $200 glasses on? It makes you look what people gonna think you're fucking smarter because you got glasses on? We live in fucked up times. You know, when I do a podcast twice a week,

it is what the fuck it is. At the end of the day, it's a fat fuck that went to prison with a fucking Jew talking stupidity. Okay. If you want to listen to it, you listen to it. Okay. If not, don't listen to it. If you don't like what I'm trying to say, don't listen to it. But I don't ever want you to be hang out with me or do this, because it's a cool thing to do. That's a shitty fucking way to live. I guess that's what society is about. I don't know when I was a kid. Next to the benders, there was a house that had Richie Seidel. Remember, we talked about this before. Little Richie, that there's a chance that day to talk about seeing me get stabbed that time. And I was crazy. He was a little boy. And he had a sister and every Friday and Saturday, his parents would play

cards. His father owned chicken places, like a chicken to life for white people. And every Friday and Saturday, his mom and dad would play cards. They would have a different high school babysitter in there. And the whole neighborhood knew about it. So your goal was to go there and fuck the babysitter. I was always friends with the babysitter. So I would go over there and watch Richie's kids with whatever chick. Nine out of 10, I didn't try to fuck nobody. They were just friends. But the point being, I would go over there for the latter night of Saturday night. And I remember being a kid in the 7th and 8th grade and everybody talking about Saturday night live. I was going to die a laugh then. I would watch Saturday night live and I'll tell you what,

nothing would happen to me. Saturday night fever. And I'd sit there and go, this is okay at its best. I'm a honeymoon type of motherfucker. I'm an odd couple type of motherfucker. I'm a sampling son. Red Fox was funny on sampling son. This is atrocious. Or at least it wasn't as funny to me as everybody said it was. Oh my God, you got to watch it. And I knew people who missed their Saturday nights to go home and watch Saturday night live. And I would go, oh my fucking God, oh my fucking God, that a young man would stay home on a Saturday to watch that shit. I could see if you were sick or somebody died in your house. And that was the only thing that was on TV. But for you to run home to watch Saturday night live, I couldn't fucking think about it. I never watched

it again. And I learned something that, but it wasn't that. I remember I was telling Lee the story when I was a kid, I used to go to every concert, the Garden, the Palladium, the Ritz. If there was a fucking concert in New York, I was there as a high school. And we went over and we stubbed tickets or we fucking robbed somebody and we sold the jewelry to get tickets to go to these shows. But there was this rich kid and his name was Otto Sauer. He was this little German kid. Otto was a fucking nerd in today's standards. Nice kid. I liked him. I had nothing against Otto. He got high. But Otto overcompensated. He tried really hard to be fucking cool, even though he was a fucking nerd, whatever you guys call a nerd not today, a fucking hipster or a dork,

whatever the fucking guy's name. Otto was all right. He wouldn't hurt himself. He had no malintention. But if there was a concert, we were there and Otto was there with his boys. And I would go to school the next day and I would be, you know, we all were potheads. So I would listen to Otto tell stories about the concert night before, how the concert was great. And some concerts we went to were fucking great. I saw some great concerts growing up. You know, the music was great. The sound was great. I saw New Barbarians with Keith Richards. You know, I saw some unique concerts growing up. And there was concerts that just blew. You know, Black Sabbath with Van Halen blew. Black Sabbath just blew. You know, the cars at Central Park I went to see and they just blew. There's some shows

that, you know, I fucking suck. If you go see me 10 nights in a row, I'm not going to be great 10 nights in a row. Three of those nights, I'm going to suck. It's just the way life is. Maybe the audience is too tight. Maybe I got into a fight with my wife. Maybe somebody's sick in my family. Maybe the fucking flying Jew ain't getting high. Wake up, cocksucker. Something's going on. You cannot be 100% every night. And you go out there and every time we went to a concert, I'd always hear Otto talk about how good the concert was. But one day we went to see somebody in Jersey and the concert blew. The concert blew so much that even the kids I went with were like, that sucked. And the next day I saw Otto with his concert t-shirt on because God forbid people

didn't know he'd go to a concert the night before. You know, if he went to a show, everybody had to know the next day. He had to put the concert t-shirt on. And I remember him being 10 feet away. He didn't know I was there and he was telling the story about the concert last night and he was awesome. And all these Gawkers were there like, really, you went, you're so lucky. And I finally, had to go Otto, not for nothing. Me and these eight gorillas were at that concert last night and it fucking sucked to sing, oh no. And then after 10 minutes he goes, yeah, you're right. So then why'd you tell these guys it was good to be fucking cool that everything, not everything is good. And in this country we've learned that everything, oh my God, it was just,

no, be honest. Be fucking honest. You're going to hang with somebody or do something because they're fucking cool. Give me a fucking break. Give me a fucking break. You're gonna speak for yourself. You got to have your own fucking voice, man. If something sucks like the church, Joey, the church sucks. You know what? I won't be mad at you. I'd rather you say that than fucking tell me some bullshit. Right or wrong. Why are you lying to yourself, America? What the fuck are you lying to these people that the show sucks? Why are you sitting there saying it's brilliant? Because your 10 dumb friends are saying it's brilliant. These fucking dummies that have no voice that'll never speak out something for themselves. It's always that everybody fucking

else likes. That's why I can't stand going to Hollywood. I was in Hollywood yesterday. I made the left turn on Fairfax. Yeah. I see 15 people waiting in front of the fucking griddle. Let me tell you something. There's nothing I want to do more than make a U-turn and run over those 15 people because they're dead anyway. They're dead anyway. 15 people waiting for eggs to be cool because Lindsey Lohan ate there one time before court. But down the block there's an egg joint and it was empty. I pulled in and got a turkey fucking bagel, a bagel on poppy seed with turkey. You understand me? So what fucking price do you pay to be cool? Jesus Christ, to wait online, that's fucking cool. So you can tell your fucking friends, those fucking dead beats

that you did that fuck. The fuck is wrong with you? The fuck is wrong with you? Anyway, we're at the ice house tonight. Eight o'clock tomorrow night. I'm at San Diego's at Harris and next week we're at the motherfucking wise guys in Utah. Myself and my main man Duncan Boogaloo Trussell. What are you going to fucking do with your life? That's it. That's the church today in a fucking nut show. Whether you like it or not, cock suckers. What, Lee? What do you have to tell me? Nothing. It is crazy. It's, uh, I think what it is is no one really has any real conversations anymore. And then at work, if everyone's talking about this, well, let's just say the show is the big bang theory. If everyone was talking about that and then you're the one asshole

who doesn't like it, then you have nothing to talk about them. So that's why I think a lot of people watch shows like that just to fit in and have someone to talk about. Oh Jesus fucking Christ, you got to have your soul at the end of the fucking day. How are you not going to have your fucking soul? I never understood that. I never fucking understood how you want to be a part of something just to be cool. You know, I smoke fucking pot. I've been smoking pot now. Am I proud of it? No, but that just goes to show you when I fucking started smoking pot at 14, I didn't do it to be cool. I did it because I needed the fucking help. I needed, I'm an insecure fuck. What are you going to do? But I know that going in. I don't smoke pot. You've never seen a t-shirt on me with a leaf,

have you? Have you ever seen me with a high times or 420? You ever seen me fucking do that? Have you showed them your tattoo? I'm gonna put a tattoo of a fucking pot plant on me. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. What's wrong with you fucking people? You don't see high times on my wall, do you? You don't see a shirt with a, uh, it's 420. Get the fuck. I lived on, I didn't hear about 420 until I moved to LA. Did you know that? Really? I thought 420 was every minute of the fucking day you fucking morons. It's 420. It's 420. But meanwhile your wife is sucking somebody else's dick, but you're worried about 420, you fucking morons. Fucking momos. Look at me with a pot plant on my shirt. So people know I smoke fucking pot. What's the

matter with you? High times. I never bought a fucking high times. I didn't know what high times was until somebody fucking sent me an email years ago, write an article, whatever, but the first time you smoke high times, a poster of a fucking butt. I smoked that fucking butt. You're gonna put a poster up a reefer on your fucking wall like you did. The fuck is wrong with people. The fuck is wrong with people. Have your own fucking identity. Don't surround your identity because reefer or what the fuck is wrong with you fucking momos. Then you wonder why you get bullied, why your kids get bullied, because you're a fucking momo. What, what, what, Lee? I love it. I just can't wait until some, some poor guy walks up tonight with a, with a weed t-shirt on.

I smoke weed. Look at me. Get the fuck out of my face. I smoke weed. I seven or more and over here puffing fucking gorilla biscuits. Look at the old podcast. We'd smoke fucking three joints, me and Lee, from six to fucking eight o'clock. Meanwhile, you got a shirt on? I'm going to the pot convention this week. What the fuck is wrong with you? Pot convention. Anyway, it's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there. You got dreams. Go fucking do them. Nobody's going to hand you dick in this fucking life. Wash your pussy, salute the flag. Do what you need to do. You're a fucking American. Get up. Stop your fucking whining and stop being a fucking follower of your fucking life. Okay. It's your fucking life. You're going to be a follower

like Dave Koresh. Get the fuck out of here. Nobody controls you, motherfucker. You control yourself. Tell all these motherfuckers to suck your dick. Have a beautiful day. The church of what's happening now, motherfuckers. Now that the show's over, the show ain't over. We're just over for now. Now that the show's taking a quick break, don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality raises, send to your door every month for, for a fraction of what you've been retail. Because you're, you're, you're, I'm trying to, I'm trying to read this here. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to geodds.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. The show is also sponsored by naturebox.com. Order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off.

Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet, sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get 50% off for your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey, naturebox.com, promo code Joey. And again, to nail the life.com. Go there for the premier vapor print on the market. Mention Joe Diaz and get 20% off. 20% off. Have a great week, cock suckers. Don't let nobody kid you. Don't be a sheep. There you go. One of the greatest stories ever fucking told the rooster. Alice in chains. One of my all time favorites. When I hear this, I want to get a bayonet and stab you right in the fucking eyeball. Fuck them. Here comes the motherfucking rooster, bitch. Just the bayonet. You don't want to, like, you have to put that on a gun.

A bayonet, a fucking axe. Oh shit. Listen to this shit. This is fucking brilliant. It's on a Wednesday morning. When are you going to get this broken down like this, huh? You can hear the heroine in this, the fucking pain. He just took the needle out of his fucking arm. He's ready to rock. You understand me? He washed his mouth. He took a sip from his fucking water. And it's over. What? I ain't find a way to kill me yet. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is fucking tremendous. I get goosebumps. I want to fucking just get up and go to an

audition and throw the bitch out the window. Oh shit. Wife and kids. What? Kick that motherfucker, Lee. What? From somewhere. Here he comes, motherfucker. This is you, the fucking rooster. You ain't taking shit today. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. There you go. The fucking rooster. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Here we go, motherfucker. Kick that shit, Lee. Have a great day. We love you, Cocksuckers. Hit. What? We ain't going fucking nowhere, Cocksuckers. The church, have a good day. Stay black. Yeah, wake up, you snuff the rooster. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, wake up, you snuff the rooster. You know he ain't gonna die.

No, no, no. You know he ain't gonna die. Oh yeah. Walking tall machine gun man. They spit on me in my home land. Oh yeah, send me pictures of my boy. Got my pills, cans of skeets, all that. My body's breathing, his dying breath. Oh God, please, won't you help me make it through? Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, come the rooster. Yeah, you know he ain't gonna die.

No, no, no. You know he ain't gonna die.