Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #182 - Joey Diaz, Mike Pyle and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 2, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by UFC fighter Mike Pyle. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 06/02/2014.

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for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. And also, go to escapepodtank.com for all of the sensory deprivation tank needs. They have a bunch of models for you.

Some of them, all of them will save you thousands. If you mentioned Joey Diaz, the church, or what's happening now, you're gonna save an additional $250 off. Who's that motherfucking Chiba Choo League stuff? It's coming. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Crank it, Lee. Crank it. Oh shit. Oh shit. Kill that motherfucker, Lee. Monday, June 2nd. Eat that motherfucker, Lee. There you go.

What? It's Monday. You got a second chance. You can start whatever the fuck you want. Let's make this happen today, Lee. Oh. It's hard out there for a fucking pimp. Without instructions.

You're slinging dick today, Lee. It's June 2nd, the day the devil was buried in sea, gang raped, lit on fire, and then shot in Santa Barbara. Who gives a fuck about the devil? What? Huh? Kick it, Lee.

You're not wiggling, Lee. What's the problem? Sorry. What's your little arm? You're like a fucking dinosaur. What's up with the wiggle? Now you better have a... How should I wiggle?

Give me a little wiggle. A little bounce, huh? What? It's hard for a pimp, but I'm putting it in. I'm hoping to God I don't slither. You know it's hard out here for a pimp. What, Lee? Huh?

You're doing it, buddy. You're in California, wake up. You're in New York, wake up. You're in Australia, wake up. Grab your fucking nuts and give thanks. You're back! Some people are laying in a fucking hospital. Some people are sick and they are with two legs,

thinking it's gonna be a bad day. Get the fuck up, you fucking mutt. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. It's sunny, it's raining. Whatever the fuck is going down, you're alive, bitch. What's happening to my little Jewish brother? You bad motherfucker, you. What are you gonna do?

You know me, it's Monday, June 2nd. I'm ready to stab a motherfucker. There's so much to tell. Where do we start today? We can start with a live podcast, which is sensational. Ari Shafia always bringing it, taking it to the hoop. Had to get up,

because he was taking a long distance call from China. Who speaks to Chinese people on a Wednesday night? Thursday, San Diego, fucking phenomenal. I'm out of driving shapely. I'm definitely out of driving. You're not out of driving shapely. Listen, man, for years I drove a lot. I drove to all these gigs.

Now you fly in your wind, in your car, you fucking don't have it no more. I bought that car in January, I got 3,000 miles. I used to put 3,000 miles a week on a fucking car. Jesus. A week, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I'm saying. Okay, but I feel like, you know, I'm telling the whole story. What fucking story?

We got high and we drove down, man. That was a- You said get there at like 3, 45, four o'clock, somewhere around there. We get there and we start wearing errands. I'm like, where is he going? He's going to the ATM? Okay, maybe he wants to pay, tip the bartender.

And I'm like, oh, sit, no, we're going to the weed store. Went to the weed store, which a lot of my closing around the area, we were getting- So you gotta stock up? It's, yeah, you gotta stock up, but I've been going to listen. Noho Organic has been one of my favorites since day one.

I've had some great weed stores. I had the one in Hollywood, Kushmart, with my main man, me and Ralph, used to go up there and get the Matzo G. And then I moved to the valley. I can't drive to fucking Hollywood every day, so I got Divine Wellness. I had the other Noho one on Lancashire, that moved, but Divine Wellness closed down.

Divine Wellness had some great edibles, but Noho Organic has always been in the run. They were, and I like Tony, I like the host app, the Mexican chick, the little Mexican kid, I like the owner jam. I mean, they're just good people. If you go to that place, they got all the name brands we talk about.

You know, they got Auntie Dolores, they got Chibachu, they've got the other Noh ones. The only ones they don't have is the chocolate bars I get. Bang? No, no, no, the other ones, Curb, whatever the fuck they are. But what do you call that? The strongest edible at Noho Organic is these fucking 200 milligram cookies.

And how many? They're ugly as shit. How much did you tell me they were? Don't worry about it, I'll tell you. He gave it to me like, it's 10 milligrams. Listen, these fucking things are like, you go to like a bakery and they have that big Chinese cookie or the big cookie with the chocolate chip in it.

Like the black and white cookie, yeah. The black and white cookie, it's like that. It's a big fucking cookie. So you break that motherfucker in half. And I'll tell you what, you will see stars. I guarantee you, you will see stars. Now they have one of the top shelf that's 200 and they have one of the bottom, the middle shelf

that they're 100, but on the second shelf, they always have fudge squares. Okay, on the third square, they have sodas. They have THC sodas and they have anti-dolaris in the mix. Let me tell you something, I love anti-dolaris. I love Chibo chewy, disgust them. Nothing will rock your world like this 200 milligram cookie.

Nothing, Lee, has anything rocked your world that hard? The only thing that got close was when I had one and a half green hornets, but this was one thing. And the thing that got me was it took a while to get down there and you started getting high because then after you took the half, like 30 minutes later, you just down to hold Chibichu. Oh, I just ate a Chibichu on top

but like a fucking soldier was sitting in traffic. Yeah, but then that's the thing, someone, I forget who it was, I think maybe it was Rick, but we were talking about how when you were driving, you don't really sit, you can't really sit still. Can you, you would start opening the windows a little bit, do the AC a little bit, but then you started getting high. So we were talking about 90 down the highway

with all four windows down. Why don't we? The AC going a thousand and I'm freezing, but I can't look, and then we stopped and got snacks so we thought we were close. Cause for whatever reason, we stopped looking up the GPS, we went off by what the promoter said. What's your name?

Monique. Monique, she's very nice, but you got mints. And you ate like a quarter of the packet once, but I couldn't even look, I couldn't look, I just heard a chomping and I couldn't look at you. We were so fucking stoned by that point and the chibachu was kicking in. So now we got to drive,

but now it's no more interstate freeway. It's winds and valleys. Like what do you call those winding roads? Yeah, we're on the Indian reservation. It's an Indian reservation with one road going that way and one coming this way. It's a two-laner. It's a two-rotor as my friend Furnie Bassasuto used to say.

Yeah, felt like East Coast. Yeah, did feel like the East Coast. We're driving and I'm getting sicker and sicker. I got fucking car sick by reputation, you know, since I was a kid, I got fucking car sick. So now I'm getting car sick and I got to pull over with 20 minutes and we made a left. I made a left somewhere that took us up

this fucking hill of debt. And I'm like, Lee, I don't see no lights. It kept getting darker. The GPS wasn't working, but he was telling me to go fuck himself. We finally called the back, she goes turn around, we made a U-turn and that went, before I made that U-turn, I had to pull over.

That was horrid. This was the weird thing, I didn't tell Lee, so I'm getting anxiety. I'm sweating profusiously. I'm getting sick. I get out of the fucking car. I closed the door. Yeah, what happened?

I'm just breathing. I looked to the side of the road and somebody died there. They got flowers there and shit. Oh no. And Indian arrows and shit. So now I got to sit there and go, and that's why I looked there and go, we're gonna die, Tyler.

Oh no. Then I tell you, we're gonna die. I think we're out of the car to call Monique. I think we're out of the car to do that. No, I got a car to get fucking air. I didn't want to call Monique. I could've called her in the car right directly without even picking up the fucking phone.

Oh my God. I pulled over to breathe and get my head right and fucking. And then we went to the one side of the casino that didn't have ballet, and I was like, this is never gonna end. Oh. We sat there and we had to get around, but I had to do like eight.

By that point, I was doing eight miles an hour because I couldn't even drive no more, guys. That's how plastic I was. I couldn't even fucking drive anymore. I was getting so goddamn car sick. So I pulled over into Valley Can. We walked in the air conditioner, helped. We drank.

So even in that little green room, I was about to puke. Yeah. Remember I said to you, give me the garbage can? Yeah. Remember I said that. And it had no fucking garbage lining in it. And I'm like, I'm gonna puke in a no fucking garbage line.

And then you see the guy who came in, moved it and I was like, don't move that, but I was too hot to tell him. Oh my God. But then, about 10 minutes before I got on stage with the water and just standing up. Well, we were in the green room for that long. I felt like we were in the green room for like six minutes

and then you went on stage for an hour. I was like, how is he doing it? And then I tried to wait in the green room for as long as possible because when you left, you were right on stage and I didn't want to, like the people were crazy. They started cheering when we got there. There was some crazy people.

So I didn't want- Just to drive down that fucking road, you gotta be crazy. Oh yeah, I wanted to get, I wanted your show to like be going on for as long as possible before I tried to sneak out. And it didn't really work. But then luckily they brought the chicken and you kept doing like five minute checkups.

I mean, like, we have the chicken. You doing okay? Lee, I was so fucked up. And I couldn't even answer you. I was just like, I didn't put those up. I don't know how we made it home, but I know we made it home in two hours. Oh yeah, I was on the way home, I was doing okay.

And I introduced you to a Puerto Rican Italian sandwich at 7-Eleven. Yeah, that was actually pretty good. I told you, but this is what you do with the 7-Eleven Italian sandwich. Yeah, you were telling me. Listen, we live in California before you start fucking judging.

So a few people going, Joey, you didn't just say that. Yes, I did fucking say that. Because where do you get an Italian sandwich around here? I mean, a real Italian sandwich, like you grew up with on the East Coast, you don't. So what you got to do is dope them up. That's what I live off. Dope shit up sometimes.

Pizza I'm done with. So you got to dope it up. So you got to get mama Celeste and dope it up. I got to go to the one place and to hunger, get the pie, bring it home, re-dope it up and put it back on the fucking oven. It's brilliant. And then a couple of times it's delicious.

I'll make your fucking slice that too. What do you put on it? Mozzarella. I put fucking some peppers on it. I put some, you know, you just re-dope it up. You put some olive oil on the fucking crust again. These sandwiches don't fucking know. These Gentiles don't know how to fucking cook.

You go to an Italian sandwich here, it tastes like shit. It tastes like shit. An Italian sandwich is ham, cappacool, whatever the fuck, prosciutto or some shit. Maybe some mortadella, some provolone, some motherfucking lettuce, some peppercini, some sweet peppers, vinegar or salt and pepper, and fucking oregano.

That's an Italian sandwich. Well, I hope that's as close as I know. Ham, salami, genoa, you know, ham, genoa, mortadella. I don't even think the prosciutto's in there. I don't even think the prosciutto, you don't need it. The cappacool will do great with the fucking, whatever, you know? Listen, anyway, 7-Eleven got a sandwich,

like a pepperoni, salami, provolone cheese, and the bread ain't bad. What you do is you take that motherfucker home, you re-bake it like an old school Stuart sandwiches. If you remember Stuart sandwiches, that means you're old school, and you were an old school fucking cokehead. You went into a bar and they had like this little oven,

and you tell them what you want, and they took a sandwich out and it was in a baggie, and they put it in the oven with the baggie, and it was like popcorn to where it is today. It would go pop, and then the fucking, they would open the bag and the steam would come out, and your sandwich wasn't that bad. Me and my fucking guerrilla buddies

ate a thousand of those at Joan Mary's, and bars all over the East Coast, from the Bronx to fucking Connecticut, when I used to go up there and do highlight. Stuart sandwiches were all over the East Coast. That's where I got the idea from. You take that fucking sandwich home, you put it in the oven, you re-bake it a little bit,

get the bread to get hard and crispy, burn that motherfucker, it comes out, you shave some lettuce, shave it, and not just put, like, fucking Adam's leaf. You shave some lettuce, you put some vinegar on that motherfucker, some pepperoncinis. Yeah, you were telling me to do this at 2 a.m., in a 7-Eleven parking lot, I'm like,

I can't, I'm not gonna do any of that right now. You remember the two guys that came up to me, and said, you look at the guy from the longest shot, and I'm like, nah, I hear that all the time, and they walked away, and there was a black guy in the car, and what'd he say to that? He's like, I know who you are, you're Joe Ideas. And put the two fucking dudes, and they're like,

hey, look at me. And you're like, you got it, and he's like, I'll let those dudes think they know. He said something at the end, he's like, I'll let those dudes not know, or something, or. A fucking craziness. Now, we had a good night, that was a good fucking night. I had a very peaceful weekend.

I tell you what, I did this weekend, I pulled the leak. What do you? I didn't watch sports, though, I watched, I caught up on some movies. Nice, and you feel relaxed, right, you feel nice? Yeah, listen, man, I learned a big, when I used to work at the comedy store, a lot, Paul Mooney was there a lot, and I asked Paul,

Paul, when you're looking at a right comedy, what do you do when you're stuck, and he goes, go get entertained. And I got entertained. I watched 21 Grams, an old movie. I watched two movies back to back, which is very rare for me. I sat there and watched 21 Grams

and whatever was on before that, which is very good. And I watched Captain Phillips again, the end of it. Oh, you were so excited when you were watching that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the fucking four days in the raft, with fucking four black dudes when they came out there. Are you okay? Am I okay? I'd been in a fucking dingy with four fucking Somalians

and no water and no soap. What do you think I fucking found? Remember, he was great Tom Hanks in that. I was idiot. And I watched, what else? I just hung out with the family. I worked out, I went to Friday Night Jiu Jitsu, you know, and I had a good time, I got beat up.

Saturday I did nothing, just a family thing, and watched a little bit of the UFC, but didn't really get caught up in it, and then Sunday I did the same. Yes, I really didn't do shit. And I felt really bad about it. I couldn't shake something like, they weren't feeling good, I wasn't feeling good.

The best thing I did, yes, I did that podcast with Steve Simone. Oh yeah. I had a really good time with Steve Simone. We taped it over there at Marie T.C. We met at nine in the morning. There was not a fucking soul there. And we just sat there and talked shit.

A lot of noise, a lot of background noise though. I know, but the mics don't really catch it, catch it until you're fine. But besides that, that was it. I'm back in Salt Lake City this week, and the week after that I'm in Long Island. So I didn't really fucking want to do much, Lee. Just really wasn't into going crazy this weekend.

I don't know why, you know? No, I agree, and I have to actually thank you. You told me, oh, it's on the way down to San Diego, you told me. What's that? What I ended up doing for Paula. Well, we were talking, I was thinking about how Paula goes to law school.

But you brought it up out of nowhere. The way I remember it, we were just sitting there, and then he looked at me like, when does Paula start her job? So you were thinking about it by yourself. Yeah, you know, listen, man, the church of what's happening now is basically, I got a whole shit to tell you,

the church of what's happening now is basically about your growth, that's what it's become, how people see you've grown, if you listen to episode two. Oh, God, I don't even want to. Well, you wouldn't even take a fart to the face in episode 100, now you're at least fucked up, take it. And it's also about making somebody's day. I don't want this to be,

I don't ever want to be put on the pressure that this has to be fucking funny. Because if that's the, you're not gonna be fucking funny every goddamn day. But that's all I could give you. I could give you making your day by at one point of the fucking podcast with an idea or something, and watching Lee's growth.

I'm a broke old man, I got nothing going on. And that's what the show's about. Me and Lee were driving to San Diego. We're fucking stoned this shit. We blast music, we heard every genre. Fuckin' me, Lee knows, I love, I got- But it was so weird. I know we're getting off track a little bit,

but you don't listen to music, I think you would. Like, you listen to rock, but you're into like, more of ballads. Like, you don't like the, you kind of skipped over the hard stuff, and you like it when they were really saying. Like, I was kind of, I was like- Yeah, I like to do what they say. I was expecting more hard stuff,

and you were like, the ones that they would get into and sing, I was like, oh, this is what he likes. This is- I didn't like, I don't like that heavy, heavy shit, Kill Your Uncle, all that fucking music. I really don't. I like a lot of, you know, Tom Petty was great on the radio down, we listened to She's a Woman in Love.

Just these songs that you don't put up, you don't put on by yourself. Sometimes the radio reminds you of how good music is. I'm very happy I have serious radio, and I'm very happy I have Ozzy's Boneyard. I get to listen to Jim Florentine, and we listen to Norton on the way down that night. And the best fucking station on there

is this hip hop station where they just run away yams. That's all I could call them. They're not even black people anymore. They're not even black. They started out being black. They passed the fucking one stage. Now they're just hardcore gangster yams, and I love it. I put it on when I'm in the car with my wife.

I put it on when I'm in the car with myself. I don't know what the station is. It's five or six stations after Ozzy's Boneyard, that way, and it's old school. No, it's not even old school hip hop. It's just, I don't even know what it is. They had Fat Joe on there one day. I was fucking dying, listening to what they were saying.

If you're easily offended, do not listen to the station. It's just black guys fucking dropping it, dropping it. She's a hoe, fuck that bitch. It was the weeks of lounge, hit JZ. I never heard nothing like that. I thought my podcast, our podcast was bad. Nothing. They were calling her a fucking everything,

that dirty bitch, no career having motherfucker. I mean, just horrid things. But anyway, I love that. I love all that shit. You know, Lee, I listen to everything. I got the chances where you're gonna, I called you. You don't wanna pay the extra $7. I watched something I never thought I'd watch.

I watched the HBO, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductions. I didn't watch all of it. I watched bits and pieces of it. But I turned it on as Bruce Springsteen was on. With the East Street band. He was inducting the East Street band. And it made me fall in love with Bruce Springsteen. Why?

It was beautiful. He just fucking dropped it. And then I saw the Nirvana one. They inducted Nirvana. God damn! They weren't in there yet? No, the guy from Ariane brought them up and defined lightning in a bottle.

And then I saw Dave Grohl's speech. Holy fuck. But one thing Dave Grohl, Nirvana, Bruce Springsteen, especially, was they love of music. They knew all. Let me tell you something. Kid Rock is a fucking numberhead. But you ain't gonna be quit Kid Rock on Jeopardy about music.

He knows everything. When they get to that level of musician, you've listened to everything. You've picked up a little something from everything. It's really weird that it was the first time I picked up a heavy duty correlation. People might think Joey's funny. Or people might not think I'm funny.

Either way, it doesn't matter. But you see who your influences are. And with me, it wasn't as much as the big time comedians as the people I hung around with. And there's gotta be, I have maybe 10 people that I hung around with that influenced me and nobody I ever know or hear of. And then I mix it in with Dice Clay and Rodney

and Bill Hicks and a little bit of Kenison and I become something. When you're a musician, that's the same fucking thing. It's the same fucking thing. You go to work. My wife said that the reason why she really quit her job this year wasn't because of the baby and wasn't because she wanted to help me with the t-shirts.

It was because they gave her a 1.7% raise of the job. The girl that she worked with got like a 1.2. But my wife does accounting. And she realized that all the people in these other divisions, the divisions were weaker. We're getting 12% percentage raises and all this shit. That's what really hurt my wife. And man, my wife don't yell.

But when I see her yell in the kitchen with the baby in the room, I know there's a problem. And when she was breaking this down to me last week, I realized what happens to us when we become art. I hate saying that word. When one day we say, you know what? Fuck society. Fuck society, you're not fucking me anymore.

I'm putting my life and I'm getting up early. I don't steal from you. I don't even take an extra sugar, one of my fucking coffee. I get there at fucking a half hour early and I leave a half hour later and you give me 1.7% raise. But the fucking guy who comes in late and is drinking all the time and whatever,

he gets 12%, whatever. That's what happens to people one day. It's amazing how quick. For some people, it happens when you're 19, like it happened for me. And for some people, it happens when you're 40. But it's never too late. That's when you go, you know what?

I've been putting all this effort into somebody else's shit. Fuck it. I'm gonna do this for myself now. And I'm gonna do this. And this is what I'm gonna make my own hours. And I don't wanna ever work full time again. That's where you get your strength. I saw my wife snap you this week.

I know what happens. And for me, I've told you my parents are, they weren't never against it, but they were always nervous for me. My mom finally got on board yesterday. She called me and she was like, because I'm moving, we're talking. And she's like, so do you think,

because the shows are starting right around now? She's like, so are you thinking about getting a new job? I was like, no, not really. I'm making less, but maybe I've figured it out. I'm making enough money to survive. She looked, congratulations. She like was, because I see what she's going through now, like towards the end of her career.

And it's just the fuck of the shit they put her through. And it's, I was talking to Paula. I'm so much, I'm making less money, but I'm so much happier, like not going over the four or five every day, twice a day. Oh Jesus Christ. So it's just, it's scary,

but people start getting like, understanding what you're talking about. And it's, and the worst part is, is it's not the other people who get a bigger raise, but it's like the boss who doesn't come in until 12 and leaves early. And, and he, he, he talked, you see in the new, in the newsletter

that he got a 20% bonus because corporate was happy. It's like that, that's the stuff that really pissed me off. And it's like, you guys are doing all the hard work and somebody else has to smile. And no, you know, and like I tell people all the time with me, I was 19 and I was like, why am I doing this?

I could be doing this. I used to get furious. Like I'm doing this for 10 bucks an hour. I can make 10 bucks an hour with one drug deal or kicking one window in. But that's not what I really wanted to do. I just wanted to fucking do something that I could work for myself.

Like, and that's why I think I basically got into comedy. I mean, that's basic. That was the easiest business I could enter without having a ukulele or a fucking guitar or a piano or a monkey. You know, that was the easiest fucking thing I could get into. But I see it's a weird day when that happens to you.

Like for me, the day I snapped this, the day I couldn't make my credit card payment. Like I thought my credit card would be ruined. Like I was raised on paying your bills. I thought my credit will be ruined. I was shot as an American the day I couldn't make my fucking credit card payment. You know, I was shocked as an American the day

that I realized what life was after college. I realized that the day you graduate college, you're done, you're done. You have a realization. You go into these firms, you know, here you got your college degree, you're paying back your loans. And one day while you're writing that check

to pay back your loans, you go, wow, this is basically it. Yeah. This is it. You're even paying them back forever regardless. Yeah, you're like, this is it. I'm gonna, in 10 years, I'm gonna be the guy that's ahead of me.

And then one day when I'm 65, I retire and they give me a gold fucking watch. And on the weekends, I mold along, I take the kids to fucking church. And I go to Denny's and eat. That's it. This is it. This is all I'm gonna do.

Some people say, yeah, this is what I'm gonna do. And some people say, fuck it. I'm gonna figure something else out. I wanna go to Ireland. I wanna go to Thailand and get my dick licked. I wanna paint house. You know, whatever. It's so weird how way your inside comes out

and overwhelms your beliefs. That's what basically comes down to. And you have to commit. You have to fucking put everything you can. I don't work 40 hours a week. I work 80 hours a week. I talked to my brother Mike Runney yesterday. He's called the podcast.

He just got a new job. He's 52. He's working 70 hours a week. He worked 19 hours on Friday as a general manager of a store. He's on salary. Yeah, he's making, you know, 80, 90 grand a year. But on a fucking Friday, he's gotta put in 19 fucking hours at 52.

Jesus. You know, can you imagine doing construction work at 52? My buddy, Timmy, who drives a truck. I hope he's out of the hospital. I know he was home resting. He put the wrong pad on his back. Cosmaster, he has to break down pallets every day and shit like that.

Jesus. You know, you fed your family, put us into a bad position. So now we have to do something we don't want to do. Then we realize why we're not fucking happy. Yeah. And I want to be an advocate for this. And I never did it because I always felt like

you should have a job. If you're, for people who are my age, 25, let's say you work at a college for a few years, take unemployment for a little bit if you're unhappy. You pay into it every week. Look at your check. You pay into it and I never took it. And it saved me at the beginning of this.

Now I'm doing okay, but it saved me at the beginning of this. And it's just sitting there. You're gonna pay taxes into it and you pay taxes for what they give you. So if you worked for, I worked for like four years or so, three years, and I think I have a year of benefits, something like that, so fucking use it. I mean, you're paying taxes into it.

You know, I was such a jerk off when I was younger. When I got fired from mass back-century, when I was going to high school and I got sick and they fired me, I collected unemployment because I got fired, they told me. But then afterward, I always thought that why would I collect unemployment if I'd gotten steel? There's an American that could use it seriously.

Maybe he's got a disability that he can't get a job. I just really thought this way. And I never touched it again. It was Ari Shafir five years ago who said to me, you don't collect unemployment. I'm like, no, he goes, all the movies you do, you don't collect unemployment, you don't collect unemployment.

Go get your money, you know. Whenever you shoot up commercial, the next day you're eligible for unemployment. Like the fucking next day, you gotta call in and go, hey, guess what? I'm ready for you. So that's who got me on. And I collected it for years with no shame.

And you're right, it is your fucking money, you know? And it loosens you up a little bit, gives you a time to think and strategize. Because if they're gonna tax you 30%, because they tax people like us, 30%, the people who can do millions of dollars, like Mitt Romney who paid 17%, if they're gonna tax us 30%,

I'm gonna take the part that they say I can take. So it's just, yeah, people don't do it. And that could be your start for a new thing. It was for me. You know, it's funny how all this came about into diving into what you're gonna do. When you dive into your belief, you have to dive into your belief, you know?

If you're gonna be a musician, you know, I'm listening to fucking Dave Groh. I think that's his name, the drummer from Nirvana. And now he's got the Foo Fighters, I know it's Groh, but he was talking about sitting in the back of a van eating gay old pizza, fucking listening to, you know, Little Richard and something like that. You'd never think that the guy from Nirvana

would listen to Little Richard, but you have to, you have to understand it. You show me a musician or comic that doesn't know the history of this fucking thing or hasn't, have you ever had a conversation with Mike Tyson? No, neither have I, but have you ever seen, have you ever seen him get interviewed?

No, he's great. He knows everything about boxing. He'll talk to you about boxes in the 40s, boxes in the 30s, he'll go back to bad knuckle boxing. He'll go back to the history of fucking two cavemen, you know, choking each other. He knows everything about it. And that's what I don't understand.

Like when you dive yourself into yourself and you dive yourself into what you believe in, whether it's boxing, personal training, comedy, drawing, whatever, you have to know everything about anything. And when I heard Bruce Springsteen's speech, it was fucking beautiful. Especially when you talk about Clamens, Clamens,

and the guy from the Sopranos, you know, I don't know what the guy who played the fucking Concierge, whatever his name was. You know, I wasn't never a big Bruce Springsteen fan. I don't know much about him. You know, when I was growing up in Jersey, I got beat up with him. So it kind of got, it was a turn off.

And I liked a few out songs on some of the albums, but as I grew older, I appreciated them. The other night, it came full fucking circle. I really dug, because I understood his struggle, you know, I understood his struggle as a man and to get somewhere and then you reach it. You know, it's not just, once you fucking make it as a musician,

that's when it really gets hard. Cause now you gotta follow up all that shit. He said, him and that guitar player knew each other for 50 fucking years. Him and that one, Miami, Steve, Van Zandt, whatever his fucking name is, you know? And it's amazing how this is what I do. This is what I do.

I have to be really good at all the facets of it, you know? In two weeks, I'm gonna be on Marin. I acted on that, you know? When we come to the podcast, I have to be good at doing the podcast. On Thursday nights when I go on stage and I can't be good every night at this shit, but I have to dive myself into this, you know?

I have to dive myself into this shit. And it's amazing if you're gonna, when I finally realized that through whatever came to me that happened to my wife at 44, it came to my wife. And she was fucking yelling in the kitchen. She's like, why should I fucking, you know? It's amazing when it hit me, I was very sad. Like I thought the American way was the American way.

You went to college, you got a job, you joined the country club, you hit golf balls, you hung out with fucking Gentiles. But it sucks. It sucks. It's a fucking struggle. And then at the end, you fucking die and you count your pennies from your retirement.

Right. And you fucking die. You might as well live a fucking little or put that belief that you're gonna put into JC Penney or whatever corporation, whatever company you're gonna put in your brother-in-law's plumbing company, whatever and put it into yourself. You know, put the effort into yourself.

And yeah, you're going Joey, that's easy for you to say, you know, go, listen, man, if you believe in yourself, you'll get a small loan. If you believe in what you're selling, you'll figure it the fuck out. We all do. We just sometimes think we gotta get, oh, we're gonna get an SBA loan from them.

I don't know if they give them out that many loans. You know what I'm saying? So whatever you choose on, you gotta get a job to finance it yourself or sell a kilo or blow. Or at least like what I was doing in this and TV, I saved, I didn't like, I'm not driving around in a BMW. I could have spent the money

that I was making from both places. But I saved like almost every penny I made from the podcast. And if you're gonna be working, at least save it so that in a year or two, you could spend a little bit of time and work on your goals. You know, I was always never a big saver, you know, because I was like, fuck, I'm gonna save money for when,

please. And it's weird how you have to, you know, my wife, for example, one day we're going through shit. And my wife goes, do you see what I have saved from my job and I looked and I couldn't fucking believe it. And I go, how long would it take you to save that? You know, and she goes, oh, it took me six years, you know, taking a little percentage of my check every week.

It's amazing. Yeah. I wish I had that fortitude. I wish I had the, and the way she says it, she goes, I just got to take it out of my check. I don't even see it. I don't have to touch it. Oh yeah, I never got to that level, but yes,

it's what you gotta do. I mean, the way you talk about how you, like you're at Robby gas station, have three grand and be gone in four days. It freaks me out. I can't, I've never even really thought about it cause I can't imagine that you didn't pull like a thousand away or...

It is, that's part of the fucking thrill. That was part of the high. The high was in three days. I would go to the front desk of the hotel where I was staying, pay for five days and go fuck it Friday at 12 o'clock is deed day. You know what, fuck it. Let's do Saturday at 12 o'clock is deed day.

I gotta figure it out by Saturday. And it would force me to be a savage. Oh. I could not lay my more, you know, it's funny. I was telling my wife last night about George. George is starting a framing business with a sister. My friend George and I said, you know, Terry, I've, when people pay me cash sometimes,

I take the top hundred off and I save it. Okay. I save it and then every couple of weeks I put it away in the bank and it's not, it doesn't even go on my account. And the funny thing is I, like my wife, I put away a couple hundred in there in the last two years. And my buddy George is opening up a framing company

with his sister and I see what he's been doing lately. You know, George really had to pick it up. George divorced his wife. He has a different girlfriend. He lives in grandma's apartment and she gets a low rent. So he picks up the rent and he lives there. Well, that was all going away pretty soon. So I told him, I go, George, you got to pick it up.

That's it. I go, once you got to start paying child support and her house payment and your rent, you know, you can't rent outrageously. You can't go get a two grand house because you're paying 15 under one and you still got to pay child support. So you got to figure it out.

I was busting those balls for a year. I'm like, you better start looking for a part time job. As a doorman at night, you better do something. He took my advice and he was like, you know what? I'm going to start my own business. He wholesales frames for this guy, but the guy is spreading his business out thin and George sees it coming.

George already saw it coming. So he went to his sister. His sister originally had the framing shop with the mother. When she got married, they moved away. So she couldn't help no more. So the mother sold the business in 85 and George has been freelancing since 85, not really with a home.

It really takes away from him. He rents a small office like ours and what he call that shit, he does the guy's wholesale work, but he's losing thousands of dollars a month. And George understands that he has two daughters. He was raising them, he had to drive them around. So you just take whatever you can so you could raise your children.

But now the children, he gets one daughter on the weekend and then every other weekend, the one daughter's older. So he has more time. So he was telling me he's looking for a warehouse. So I told my wife last night, you know what? He's been getting up the last couple of Fridays, Sunday mornings and going to different farmers markets just to get his name out there.

And he's doing good. Yeah, like he was pissed yesterday. So he only sold two things, but his sister sold like eight things, you know? But I go, George, you're getting out there. And this is how people start. You gotta get out there. And he knows, he goes, I don't know

if it was a waste of money, I paid 250 to rent a booth. I go, what would your options be? Would you be at home watching TV? You're playing with your daughter? You're out there. The only, nothing happens on the couch, bro. Nothing fucking has ever happened on the couch. Yeah, you don't wanna stick your hand in the couch

and pull up 35 cents. You could do that all fucking day and smell somebody else's asshole on those fucking, whatever, but nothing happens on the couch, you know? Get out there. And it's funny. So I told my wife, I'm gonna take those couple of hundreds. I'm gonna give it to George to start up, you know?

Whatever he needs, man. If I give him a thousand bucks to start his little business up, you know? And at that point, like that thousand is, it's like 20,000. Like when you're first starting out, or especially when, back to what you did for, told me to do for Paula.

I'm making his day because let's face it. When I bumped into George, March of 85. This shit which he's kicking in, sorry. Oh, please. When I bumped into George in March of 85, he was working as a landscaper and he was raking some of these leaves in their backyard. And I was burglarizing the joint

and I was casing the neighborhood out and I saw him and he opened me. Listen, man, I was two weeks, I was a month away from getting arrested. There's no two fucking ways about it, guys. And I was gonna do 10 years. They were gonna give me at least eight. I had no ties to the community.

I just, I was robbing those fucking gas stations. I was doing a thousand other things. The more spaghetti you used to throw, you know, when you're doing crime, I used to do crime in three month chunks. After three months, you know something's gonna go down. So you can't do it for three months every day. Like every day you gotta get up and make a living,

break into an apartment, sell nickel bags. Eventually something's gonna happen. It's gonna store your fucking growth. You're gonna get arrested somewhere, some little mistake. And I had already gotten arrested in New York for selling like a hot jewelry. I sold hot jewelry with an ID and they came and got me. So I already knew it was around the corner.

The width of the police were around the corner, you know? So when I bumped into George, I fucking say what you wanna say. George saved my life by 10 years. You know, George gave me, he let me stay with his family for three months. I helped him out as much as I could. But I learned more in those three months.

George had been my brother since I was 15. Since freshman year of high school. George Kaledinsky has been my brother. I mean, guys all in, all in. You know, when I met people from close side, they'd say to me, your friends are George, fuck it. Yeah, give them a drink, front them a grandma. But whatever I needed,

because I was friends with George growing up. And it's amazing that our friendship has lasted 36 fucking years. Wow. And, you know, I just wanna make his day. You know, he doesn't listen, so he won't know about this. But it's amazing.

When we met together, George, he should be listening. No, he listened. He used to listen from his phone, I think. I know, he called in. Yeah, he's called in. No worries, but it's just that he'll never know. But it's just amazing that sometimes you do have to make somebody's day.

You really do, man. Just, and it doesn't take a fucking diamond. It doesn't take a dinner at Ruth Chris. It's just a little fucking gesture, man. And I'm happy you did that, Lee. I'm happy. We didn't tell him what we were doing. So we were driving down and you're like,

when does Paula start her job? I said, tomorrow. And you're like, here's what you do. You get her a nice card, you stick whatever a hundred dollars is, I don't remember how you say it. A yardstick. You put it in there. And you tell her, here's this, go get your nails done

before you start the job and you can look pretty. Like, something like that, I'm high now, so it's all gonna come together. You wanna get fucking sharp. You know what I'm saying? You want your feet and your fingers to look fucking sharp. So I did that, but I went to the pharmacy to get a card.

And there was one that was perfect. It was like, I believe in you, but it was a whole big long poem of like, I believe in goodness because of you. And I started giggling. And then there was this one where this, this Harry cave man was like, I'm a stupid cave man. And then I find you and I chose that one.

And I put it in there and like, I had to go. You put a whole hundred or five twenties? Five twenties. Jesus Christ. I didn't have time to go get a hundred. You had a man who could put an even beating. I was picking her up the next day. So I picked her and her cousin up at something.

I had to go drive her cousin back. And I gave her the card once her cousin got out of the car and she started crying just cause he was so happy. And I like, it threw me for a loop. Cause like, I've got her stuff that was more expensive than that and it didn't have that effect on her. But it was just, it was, it made me feel good. Making somebody's fucking day dog

with the littlest gesture is the best thing you could do. Even calling somebody and going, yo, cocksucker, watch that helmet and hanging up on them. Cause they'll call you back and go, what the fuck is that? And then they'll go to work and go, fuck it. One of my friends called me this morning, told me to fucking get up and hung up on me and shit. Just little things that you giggle at, you know?

Listen, at the end of the fucking week when you're laying in that casket and you're ready to fucking die, you're gonna giggle one time. Right. You're gonna go, that motherfucker made my day, you know? Loops used to always make my day, pick me up, give me a valium.

I got this joint fee, Uncle Joey, you know, whatever people, you know, this kid Andrew made our day when he put this little thing together. This, you know, some people, well, look at this, what the, this took his time. This is great. I love when people do little things like this. Andrew put this, I mean, this girl from made a little devil,

the devil's getting a dick up the ass, the other two in the corner, they already got fucked. You know, it's little things like that that make somebody's day sometimes. Sometimes you just call somebody and tell them you're 11. Where's the fucking jam? Where does that wanna be around today? It's fucking 645.

Get up, cock, suck, it's a beautiful day to be alive. Make somebody's day, but also make your own fucking day. Grab your cocks, loot that motherfucking flag. What? I wanna be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. How stoned are you, Lisa, yeah? Medium, medium, medium, yeah.

Get ready to rock. That's a triple dose. Let's do a vapor hit, wanna a vapor hit. I'm okay. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, so you were on the highest I've ever heard you yesterday

and then you wake up at six in the morning and you wanna do it. I always like taking day, you don't take days off. Like, geez. I took Friday and Saturday off. You did not? Yes, I did. Oh, thank goodness.

I was the only benefit. Why are you depressing me? Oh, okay. Look at these fucking clouds from a vapor pen. Are you kidding me or what? Who are you dealing with? Hit that motherfucker, lady, and hold it in. You gotta hold it in.

It's good for your lungs. What's that? That's a junior fucking pilot hit. What the fuck? You wanna, listen, you wanna navigate that plane and lose it like the Malaysians did. Take a deep fucking hit, will you? Deep, deep, deep in the lungs of death.

Someone send this to TMZ. Don't know what's TMZ. Don't know what's Sterling will be so happy. Fuck TMZ, fuck that. TMZ. Crime stopping and shit on people. That chick got in trouble. She said race is fucking, I like it, I like it.

You're a fucking animal. Look, you put gel in your head, do today, you're smoking. Last week you got a stop side shirt on, so you got a green light on. What do you got? Red and green shirt with this fucking Santa Claus and Jolani cocksucker, give me that. Oh, fuck it.

That was a nice hit. Brody. That was a very fucking nice hit. You fucked up Tony Bennett to the L of the fuck them up. You just cut them up into pieces. While leaps off in the duct. Oh my God. I'm gonna give some shot out

so my main motherfucker first off to my main man. Happy birthday, Joe Van Aksman, cocksucker. My little brother, Cal Donnie, Raj Dude, Adderall, you bad motherfucker. Joey Rookland, looking good. Less than Thomas, I love you. I always see you cocksucker with the hairdo. Thomas Heeter, you bad motherfucker.

Javier 93, what are you nuts? Or what? Or what? And Camaro Jeff, watch that asshole. It's Monday, cocksucker. Because he drives the Camaro? I don't fucking know. His name is Camaro Jeff.

You gotta tell him something. What if he drove like a Mustang? What? He couldn't be Camaro Jeff anymore. Like what if he just was, Listen, just looks straight at the screen. Just looks straight at the screen like a business. What do you gotta bother fucking people for, right?

There's a need to, I don't know. I wonder if he drives the Camaro. I don't fucking know. I never asked him. Why don't you get him on the phone? Oh, he'll hook up Camaro Jeff and go Camaro Jeff. Maybe he likes fucking Camaro's and he has a Cadillac now

because he's got six fucking kids. Did you ever think of that, Lee? I hope not. This fucking youth of America. I got my main man, Mike Pyle. UFC fighter calling it at 7 a.m. I love Mike Pyle. I met him through Eddie Bravo.

Yesterday I fucked up. I did not go to Eddie Bravo Invitational last night. That was part of what made me feel very bad last night. I did not make Eddie's day yesterday. I fucked up. I taught the Invitational Star at F5. And my plan was to leave the house. I was gonna leave, I liked to read.

Try to do a Duncan podcast. I was gonna do Duncan's podcast. Hang out with Duncan for a little while. And then I was gonna shoot to the EBI and sit there from like 5 to 6.30 and go home. And at least he did it with Mercy and Bader. But the Invitational Instructo's 6.30. And that's right in the middle of fucking,

good morning America in my fucking house. From 5 to 7 in my house, it's fucking chaos. From 4.30, from the time we get back from the park to 8 o'clock, it's just chaos. Even with one little child. Because we both eat, she eats. You know, I gotta do some shit. The phone rings unnecessary.

I mean, there's a thousand things going on. I don't know why. So it's very hard. I can't go to Jiu Jitsu at 7.30. It's very hard even for me to go at 8 o'clock at night. That's why I gotta go on the daytime. Today I can't go. I got a bunch of fucking shit going on today.

I wanted to go to Kettlebell class. I can't fucking go, but the knee feels a lot better. Thank you for the people who sent me emails and exercise programs. One thing about the fucking church is that if you put it on Twitter, if anybody from the church needs an exercise program or a diet or a fucking personal train or anything,

Jeremy's around, guys, put it on Twitter. Just and say, attention church. Put some hashtag. I don't even know what a hashtag is. People sent me fucking exercises for my knee. Some fucking kid, a doctor sent me a thing I could do with a ball just to reduce the pain. Some other people sent me stuff I could put on it

like a lady's sending me some type of brace. Listen, man, I love you for motherfuckers, but you guys gotta spread out amongst us. We gotta start making money. We gotta start taking care of each other. Not me. I'm talking about you guys as a whole. There's a lot of you guys that hit me up from my client.

I noticed a lot of people that hit me up lately from fucking Utah and Texas and Houston. You guys gotta work together in Houston because it's amazing, all the shit, all the great exercises and little things, breathing. Every time I put the lab of prom with something on here, Lee, it's fucking amazing. It's amazing.

I at least get three emails from people going, Joe, you were wrong about this. Try this. And it really, I don't argue with people. I take their advice, because maybe this is their fucking field. And nine out of 10, it is their fucking field. You know what I'm saying?

So if you have something, put it on this Twitter page, what do you call them, a thread? I don't even know. Because it's very interesting, the things I've learned from fucking you guys. This is a Facebook fan page. What's that?

This is a Facebook page for other church. Is there, some girl sent me a workout with a wall. Like, I think she was telling me that she does this to rehab people, but she believes that if I do this before the surgery, my knee would get strong. I swear to God, Lee, I did all three times last week, and the swelling went down to the T.

She goes, this is what's gonna happen, then elevate and isolate for 15 minutes and get back on and walk on it for six minutes. I mean, this girl sent me a fucking thing. So thank you, man. Thank you for all the love you give us. Thank you for always reaching out. Thank you for always doing all that type of shit.

I got some interesting, I also got a, you get good shit and you get bad shit. I got a very fucking interesting email like Thursday from somebody. And I got it and I didn't look at it till yesterday. I didn't even, this is how high I was last night. That in the three years or four years that I've been doing a podcast,

it's the second time I didn't answer emails. You didn't answer emails. No, I couldn't even look at them. I tried. I opened them up at about six and I could not do it. When the baby went to take a bath, I ran in there real quick just to see if I could knock off 10 of them.

I read one that fucking made me cry, so I closed it and fucking went up. I got it and sat there. That's how fucking high I was. That's how fucking high I was. It was such a touching fucking email about somebody's family that I had to shut the fucking thing down

and go lay down on the couch. That's how, you know, it's amazing the things that, you know, this is why we're trying to put, I went and looked at couches this week. Okay. And I couldn't find couches that were high enough. I left Sarah Tiana a message. I'm gonna bring the table over here

and we're working on the advice show. It's just gonna take a little while. I wanna make the studio look right on that side. I'm gonna put a perfect couch and I'm gonna have the perfect pictures and whatnot. But it's amazing. You know, we always get advice couch. Somebody sent me a fucking thread this week

from a webpage where they were just bashing me. Really? And it's hysterical, but it didn't bother me because they were telling the truth. Okay. They were telling their opinion and the truth. You know, the other day we had a conversation about a show I saw that I just did not think was funny

in how society thinks it's fucking hilarious. And these guys, it was a thread that somebody sent me and I think it was from a Dunkin' Trussell webpage or something. Is that what you call them? A board? Yeah. A board.

And they made some interesting points. I've always heard. You should write back. No, no, no, no. I won't write back because I don't want it to become, it's not a confrontation or something. Hey, listen, man, I never peep. I never fucking peep.

Okay, a lot of people always say don't Google yourself. I know people Google themselves constantly and find shit on them. I don't wanna see nothing. I don't wanna hear my voice. I don't give a fuck. But it's so weird that somebody sent me this and said, look what I found, I guess,

on somebody's webpage thread or a board. Yeah. Is that what you call them? And it was just, you know, 15 fucking pages of hate, of not, some intelligent hatred and I understood it the same way I would explain. I just wouldn't say something sucks. You know, they said, some people said that Joe Rogan

was selling all of us that they didn't think I was funny or I was funny. That the people thought Joe and Duncan were funny. They thought that I was a slime ball and I was a fucking idiot. You know, whatever. And it was very weird to read, you know. What do you feel like when you read that?

You just feel disconnected, but I understand. No, I'm not that type of person. I'm not a hypocrite like that. I get it. I fucking get it. Listen, once in a while, listen, if you wanna hit me and go, I don't like what you do, that's fine.

Yeah. I appreciate that. It's when you hit me and insult me. There's a big difference. Hey, you fat bastard, fuck your stupid fucking show. Okay. It's on. But if you wanna hit me with an email

or something like that, like a gentleman and go listen, I listen to your show, it's Volga. You're racist or you're fucking insensitive or you smoke dope. Some guy wrote, I tell you what some guy wrote that he never paid attention to me, Ralphie May, Jackie Gleason or any other comedian that's fat.

Because why would you listen to a public figure if they were obese? That was the one that made me laugh. Yeah. That you would never, a comedian should be in shape, you know, whatever. That was the one. So a comedian should just be very attractive.

That was how shallow this motherfucker was. Hasn't paid much attention to comedy. Right. And that's why you have to, you know, one guy said we were one trick pony that Rogan talks about certain subjects and I talk about certain subjects over and over again. All right, tremendous.

That's the subjects we know. I'm not gonna talk about something, I don't know and be a fucking fuss about it. I'm not gonna come out here and make believe I know about everything. You know, I don't know about it. I don't know about anything. I know about two or three fucking things down to the wire

but that's it. And I've grown from there. But it's the one that, the only thing that bothered me was that people called me a liar. That was the one I didn't like for sure. But there was a lot of people on the thread that also made viable points. All right, there he is.

Mr. Pile, what's happening, brother? What's happening, JD? Good morning, my friend. Thank you very much for taking the time and calling me. What's going on over there? Oh, now they're just getting, just everybody's up for the day now. How's the baby?

He's fantastic. He's in there, he's in there eating right now as a matter of fact. 10 months old? 10, 10 months. And is he walking? Oh yeah, he's walking all over the place, man. All over the place.

And how do you feel? All right, great. It's awesome to send a walk to you and lifted arms up for you to pick them up and hold them. It's tough for you to leave the house anymore, huh? Yeah, it is. It really is, it really is. I didn't even make it to Eddie's Invitational last night

because of my house. So after we spoke, I couldn't do it, man. It was Sunday and there was too much going on and there was fistics and Wally Kazam and I bought her a scooter and you know. Yeah, there's a new boss in the house, man, and that's all there is to it. I don't care how tough you are, how badass you are,

how mean of a person you might be or whatever, a kid will soften you up in a second. Your own kid, your own kid will soften you up in one second, man. No, it's a weird thing. What's going on in your world? You training? I am, I am, I will be.

I will be going just a couple of hours after I'm through talking with you. And do you have a fight second? And you'll probably have me so pumped up I'll go and bash somebody when I get to the gym. Oh please, I need for you to go in there like a fucking Sabbath today. What do you got today?

You got striking, you got conditioning, you got jiu-jitsu, you got everything today? Yes, and I think it's going to be in and made, orientated training today. I'll probably leave the class today because the owner is out doing a reality show right now. So I'll step in and fill his shoes until he gets back, until he gets back being famous.

And then I'll leave the guys a little bit and then maybe choke a couple of them out and then come home. It's amazing the life you guys lead, man. I fucking love it. I've learned so much from watching MMA. I've learned so much and applied it to comedy, you know? But you've been around, you're the real fucking deal.

You are the real deal, my friend. I've been around a long time in this game anyway. As young as it is, I've been around almost as long as it's existed. I've been a participant as long as it exists almost. On one of the fights when you fought, somebody mentioned that your first fight was against Rampage Jackson in Memphis.

Yeah, actually that was probably one of my, that was actually about my fifth fight. It was Rampage's first fight. It was around my fifth fight. I don't remember about, I didn't remember any of the names of my opponents, so of course, sure, I'll put in honor and just put up some magical number up there

with no names decided, but anyway. Yeah, but still, nevertheless, just five fights in, you fight in a beast like him, a big man, and I was way out of my way class. My guy had gotten hurt and Florida called me and said, well, you know, in Englandville, probably, your guy got hurt or whatever. You know, I'm 175 pounds, which was the weight limit.

And I said, well, I'm gonna fight who you got. He said, well, we got that guy at Rampage that housed, you know, like a wolf all the time, so let's fight him. So yeah, well, he's 210 pounds, you know, so I'm gonna give a shit, let's fight. I'm ready to fight. So to get, and well, that's the history. I got thrown around a little bit, flammed around,

I got picked up, thrown out of the ring, into my corners arms a little bit, and they just kind of just shoved me back underneath the bottom rope and told me to go get after it. Now let me ask you something, Mike, when you were younger before that, were you a fighter? Did you get into many fights?

Did you have good hands? No. No, you know, actually, I was a good kid. I was on Redneck in a small town. But you know, I spent my time on a pond somewhere fishing or just at home running around the woods or something like that, you know what I mean? But you know, I moved, I went to five,

I think it was four different schools in my lifetime. So, you know, we've had little pricks, you have to, you know, slap around a little bit so they'll leave you alone. Got into a few fights like that, you know, just kids being kids and picking on the new guy and the new guy whoops their ass and then they want to be friends with you.

But other than that, no, not really, a lot of, not really a lot of fights, maybe probably grew up, maybe 10, 10, not a handful of fights growing up only. And yes, Joey, I'm going every single one of them and coming through fashion. Now, let me ask you this. What was your first art?

Did you learn wrestling first or jujitsu or? Taekwondo was my first at 18 years old. That's when you joined at 18. What's that? You joined Taekwondo at 18? Yep, I was 18 years old, about 10, 19. And how, how long did you do that? My little cousin, my little cousin, he was seven.

His mom was taking him to Taekwondo all the time. And I was always, I was always interested in Taekwondo to begin with, because I mean, I'm sorry, martial arts, because we grew up, you know, watching Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee, you know, so that was, I was always taught to watch one of those when we was up. That was, that was my, that was my shit.

I love, I love martial arts. It's just that the small towns that we always lived in, never had, you know, access to a martial arts gym. There was, it was just too small. You know, it's just the way it is. So that's when you were in Dresden? Yep, that was when I was in, well, no, actually, I moved away from Dresden when I was 17.

I thought, I thought I was a big boy and I needed to go out into the world and pay bills and have bills and shit like that. Thought I was big and tough. So I left home 17, moved to Alabama with my cousin, who was a lot older than me with children. And her children were in Taekwondo and that's what, that's why I joined Taekwondo because, you know,

they were going and I could drive them there and you know, things like that. I was already driving them, you know, going and picking them up occasionally. So I'd watch the class and I was like, well, that's interesting. But it just wasn't tough enough for me. You know, that Taekwondo, they just kind of,

they just kind of, you know, tag, they just play tag, you know what I mean? They don't really hit each other. You wanted a rock and roll. You were really a rock and roll. I wanted a rock and roll. So she let me kind of get a little bit more of an instructor kind of let me get a little bit more, you know,

a little bit more physical with one of the adults that were there that was an old kickboxer. And, and he kicked shit out of me. That's the first time I actually ever felt a liver shot in my life. He kicked me in my liver and I hit the floor, blind and I'm trying to gasp for breath up. I thought, my God, that is awesome.

That is a powerful, painful technique. I have to do that someone. One day I'm going to do that when I grow up. But anyway, that guy, he kind of, you know, turned me on to being what it is to be tough and what it really feels like to use a martial art in a more physical way than Taekwondo was allowing me, you know, with the rules and things like that.

But he didn't seem to care to whip on me at all. But I thanked him for that and it made me tough. And, and that's, that'll either, it'll either make you or break you, you know? At that point, you're going to go, well, this is a little too physical for me. Let's go back to Taekwondo and tag one another in class. But I stuck with it and it became the toughest song

Bits and Dresden. It's amazing how this happens. Like you go into a gym one day. You know, whenever I talk to fighters, I always expect them to say, well, I beat the fuck out of everybody I fought after 12. No, it's the other way around. You went and walked into something and it evolved.

And one day you're like, you know what, man? I could do this shit. I could fucking do this. I couldn't imagine getting punched in the face for a fucking living, you know? I could take a fucking knuckle to the head of something and hopefully not go down, but to do it for a living, Mike Powell,

I respect the fuck out of you guys. And to evolve, to keep evolving, you know, Mike, every time you fight, you got to get a little better. Yeah, you have to because hell, the other guy is. The thing is, with the way it's going now, for me, I went through all the stages and all the changes that Hennemays went through. You know, I started straight in when it was,

I was, you know, fighting when it was, you know, Hose Bar or men, it was, then it was NHB. Remember that, NHB? Yeah. They abbreviated it to make it sound a little, you know, a little more sophisticated than an NHB fighter. You know, I was an NHB fighter.

I was, I went through all those times where, you know, you basically kind of had a guy who was a wrestler that barely could punch. And you knew you were going to be in a wrestling match. You knew you were going to be wrestled, right? But, you know, times have changed. Everybody's getting better. And now everybody can wrestle their ass off.

They can punch very well. You know, they can kick. They can grapple. They can submit. They can, you know, most fighters are jumping off cages and inside kicking people in the face. You know what I mean? It's just, you know, I've been there since the beginning

and now better coaches as far as strength and conditioning and better, more open-minded, striking coaches, you know, have gotten into the game and evolved and started, and now is starting to produce some very, very good fighters because they got, you know, a good grasp and a good idea of, you know, what's going on with the sport. And, you know, and they know what the hell they're doing.

It's not just a boxing coach or just a wrestling coach or, you know, et cetera. Now we're starting to develop some, you know, young guys that, you know, five years ago come in when they were 18. Now they're, you know, in their middle 20s and the first thing they were doing was a mixed martial arts. Not just boxing or boxing, yeah. I mean, pure, pure, like, here you go,

you got to take down wrestle, punch, kick, grapple, submit and all that shit. You ready to go? You know what I mean? So, and there's been some good coaches that evolved and now retired and been in the game back in the day and that, you know, and been around it and, you know, and the sports yard was like 20 years old, do this.

You know, I mean, 20 years is nothing, anything. That's nothing for a sport. You know, to evolve and grow. That's 20 years is nothing. And look where it's at now. There's just nothing more fascinating than two guys pitted against one another and, you know, and it's just a human chess match.

You know, they're getting after it, man. And it's been, I mean, it's, as humans were documented over the thousands of years that we've been on this earth. And, you know, you see all the, even down to higher glyphics, people are, you know, they got to show a couple of dudes wrestling, grappling. And then, you know, back in the Roman days, guys,

you know, the gladiators, I mean, it's just, it's infactuating fighters are. Fighters have always been around until the end of time because, because it's just the ultimate, you know, it's just the coolest. Yeah, soccer players are cool, basketball players are cool, but you get to sit down and pick a fighter's brain

or talk to him about fighting. It's just, it's just, it's just something that will always remain interesting. I mean, because we, we are a small, small percentage of the human race. We're a 0, 0, 0 point, I don't know, five or so, I don't know, I don't have a crush on us, but the people that walked out,

do what we do. We're a very small, small number, and people are, you know, even boxers, you know what I mean, and put us all together. Boxers and, and MMA fighters, it's a small, small, small world and community. About a lot of us out there that's able to do it, you know. It's interesting.

It's interesting to sit and talk to a fighter or watch it. And it's, you know, like I say, it's part of history, and it always will be. But if humans beat in the hell out of one another, people will stop and watch it every time. It's so fucking interesting. You're right. Now, listen, man.

Hey, man, you're walking down the street and then a soccer game breaks out. You're gonna keep walking. You know, you're gonna keep on walking. You're gonna walk on, are you walking by in a baseball field or playing baseball? Yeah, so what? You're gonna keep talking to your buddy about

that new engine that you're gonna put in your transand tomorrow or whatever. But you start walking by a park and then you start scrapping. You know, you're gonna stop and you're gonna watch it. You really are. It's ultimately, it's captivating. It's interesting to watch people, you know,

especially at the level that, you know, that USC has, you know, brought to the MMA community you know, as far as knowledge and exposing the fighters to the public and letting them understand that, you know, hey, we're not a bunch of, you know, dumb meatheads that just get in the cage because we like fighting, you know, it's an art. It's a skill set where we are professional athletes

just the same as a basketball player or a football player. Or we prepare, you know, we have to prepare. We're professional athletes now. And, you know, USC's done a really great job at getting that point across and exposing the fighters to the public so they can shake their hand and talk with them. You know, it's not that often you get to sit and talk

with your favorite golf player or football player or whatever, but, you know, you see us everywhere. You know, we're approachable. And for the most part, intelligent, you know, there's, you know, and finally, you know, it's a great sport, man. No, I love it. I love what's happening with it.

You know, when I first watched the UFC, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. 10, 15 years ago, I wasn't too crazy about it, but I started paying attention after I saw Anderson beat up Chris Liebman. I just had it on my TV when that fight was happening. And once I saw Anderson Silva, I'm like, oh, this is beautiful.

I was really into it. And after that, I became a fan and I became a fan of your lives. I like your lives. I like that exactly. It's just not two guys beating each other up and during the week, juicing and going to a bar. It's, you know, people have families.

You're a family, man. You're not out, you know, fucking having orgies every night. You're a family guy. You get up, you go down there. You do your training and you go back home. And now you have to be this different person. Here you are in your mind three hours earlier. Your focus is on breaking somebody's shoulder, whatever.

I'm, you know, you're in the fucking cage practicing. You know, you have to get your mind set up and now you got to go home and shut that off and pick up a child and, you know, wash a dish and tell your wife, your lover, it's brilliant that you have those two different mindsets. But just what goes into being a fighter, not just a UFC fighter, but the whole thing.

We were talking about dedication this morning, Mike Powell, that people think that you just do jumping jacks and hit a bar, a bag all day. There's so much more. I wish it was, and even for comedy, there's people think that you get up at two and we just get on stage and crack a microphone and smoke a joint.

I'm 51. I fucking work harder now. You got a right. You got to prepare. And I can't even imagine being a fighter, the nutrition, the fucking, the jujitsu, the wrestling, the running, the conditioning. And then, and then, oh my God,

then you got to pray that you stay healthy. That the guys that rollin' next to you and he bumps into your ankle, that, because you know there's freak accidents. So it's such, all the stars have to be aligned. Your head has to be right. You know, it just, I give you guys so much fucking props on the preparation that America doesn't see.

America doesn't see the preparation that goes into, you know, they work nine to five. They work, their focus is on other parts. They just, you know, turn on a Fox Sports on Saturday and they're like, look at these fucking savages. They don't understand, you know, even with pro football, they don't understand that that shit starts every fucking Monday,

that there's film to watch and you got to prepare for their defense and prepare for their offense. You know, this is the same, any professional, but what you guys have done has really taken it to the next level in preparation. And you especially, you're a fucking badass savage. Your last fight, you were a fucking savage, a savage.

But I think Ron Der Rousey was on the card. So they forgot about my brother Mike fucking Pyle. You know what I'm sayin'? It's like when Rocky's coach went to talk to Rocky to try to get him to manage him the first time. And he's telling them why you need to manage him because he knocked out whatever, but it was the same night that Joe Lewis knocked out

so nobody knew what happened. But I saw what happened. I saw what happened. You came out like a fucking savage. Your movie Thai Skills were all over the place. That's why I love you Mike Pyle. Plus you're from fucking the best place ever. I love all that stuff out there.

That's why I married my wife. After I went to see a family and I saw those hills and how they eat those squirrels, I was fucking inject. How they eat those squirrels. They do. My wife's family eats squirrels. Hell yeah, I believe I've ate a squirrel myself.

Oh, and they look delicious. I have hunted, shot, and eaten a squirrel more than one occasion. And how big are they when you eat them? How big are they? Think that's small man. It about as big as your foot. Oh, and you're deep-priin, right?

My wife deep-prizin' with chicken. Yeah, you can deep-priin' and you can make a stew out of them, do whatever, just whatever you do with any other meat, such a bacon. Look at my co-host, the fine Jew. He's freaking out. What, you don't eat squirrels, Doug? I'm so high right now that I'm eating a squirrel.

Yeah, I'm telling you, you like a little fried squirrel with some fucking mashed potatoes that you'll be jumping up and down. Oh, yeah. Oh, there you go. That's good shit. When is your next fight? What are they saying?

Well, I asked for August and the email reply was, I will give you a fight in August. Yeah, they got a couple cards coming up, so. Yeah, I could, you know what? I could even tell you what's going on in the next cards or whatever. So many. Oh my God.

Blowing up so big, so fast. Man, I'm, and all these new names coming on, you know, on board, I'm out. Shit, I can't, I can hardly keep up with myself and getting to the gym and, you know, like you said, coming home being bad. It's like, damn, who's fighting next? Oh, fight, oh, there's a fight Wednesday and Saturday.

Okay, all right, all right. Every week, there's almost a fight. It's awesome. It's blowing up, man. You know, they were just in Berlin and Brazil and now they're coming back home here in the States. It's nuts, man, it's nuts. Where are the fights this weekend?

Cause I know this fight Saturday. This fucking fight Saturday, brother, the seventh and this fights the 15th. I mean, this fights the next three weeks, I think. What do you think, Lee? What do you see there? It's either a Johnson against somebody. It's fucking, it's blowing up.

It's a fight night. The market is thinning as well. It's Ben Henderson and- Oh no, yeah, that's right. And where are they fighting? Let me see. Maybe Jamie Varner? Let me look at it.

No, it's not Jamie Varner. Oh, here we go, here we go. Henderson versus Kabilov? Kabilov, the Russian dude? Yeah, all right. Yeah, so- Kabilov? Yeah.

Kabilov? Yeah. Oh, shit. And then Sanchez versus Pearson. That's that classic. Dodson versus Moraga. What's that white wig on, huh? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that big weird hat.

Yeah, that was weird. Oh, that's who's fighting him? That guy against Ben Henderson? Oh my God, where are they fighting out of? Albuquerque. Oh shit. Oh shit. You might have to jump in the car

and go down there and report directly from fucking Albuquerque. You know what I'm saying? Oh my gosh. Then they'll stop at the Indian Reservation and get $10 in quarters. What else is- Is this part Indian?

Who? Lee is, Lee is, Lee is Jewish. I'm Jewish. Lee is Jewish. He could be Indian if he needed to. My wife is half Indian. Her family up there in Tennessee, that my mother-in-law-

No he said, who? Who? It's how, man, not who. How, who? You know, you gotta be careful with the Indians. They'll fucking take that pistol off. They get mad at the Braves. Can you imagine what they'll do to us?

Oh yeah, they'll get mad, they'll get mad. I gotta, there's a friend of mine here that's, I don't know how much Indian, but I mean, he looks, you know, a lot. Indian, I think Paiute tried that, you know, that was out here, he's a cool cat. Loves his beer. Loves his beer, he's a beer man.

He's a brew master out here. Got his, got his tribe, got his tribe tattooed on the inside of his lip. That's when you know you're fucking dedicated to the tribe, my friend. The Crips don't do that shit. Let me ask you something. The blood runs.

The blood runs. What? Let me ask you something. What gym do you train at now? Syndicate. And what syndicate? Who's over there with you? Syndicate is, it's been a gym

that you probably remember the name. It used to be, okay, started out back in the day, more than 10 years ago, combat club. Then it, then he joined forces with Zion. Then it becomes Zion, the training center out here. Then he joined forces with a warrior gym. Then that didn't pan out, then it became a pro down gym. And that didn't work out with the, you know,

partnerships and all that. So then he stood the hell with it, and he was gonna go solo, call it syndicate. Okay. And then- Owners John Wood said that he's been the owner of all those names and same gym, just changed the name on the outside, right?

You know, for 10 years now, 10 years plus. His fucking, his sign guy must love him. Right? The guy that makes his signs fucking loves him. He's like, uh-oh, here we go. No, the bank's gotta love him when every time he changes the LLC. Oh, Jesus.

And then you gotta pay some more shit. So you're fighting out a syndicate now. Those are your trainers. Yep, those are those trainers. Yep, yep. A trained boxing coach is actually more of a private boxing coach, not part of the gym. That's Jimmy Gifford.

And then another one of my striking coaches that I use, for the most part, all the time, is Nate Pettit, he's out of syndicate gym. And then I'm out of syndicate. You know, John Wood, who owns the gym, has been a real close friend of mine ever since I moved out here to Vegas. And I've always, you know, always went to his gym.

His gym has always been close to my house, and usually is always the closer gym. And I used to, you know, because I used to be out of the extreme to tour. Right, I remember. And, but I was only, you know, once or twice a week, I was over at my buddy's gym. Anyway, I just represented, you know, to tour his gym.

And so I parted ways from there, from syndicate, I'm sorry, from... Couture. Yeah, from coutures. And then, you know, just started going over there, you know, solely and completely. You know, like I was talking about, you know, evolving in the sport and things like that,

got to the point where the team aspect of everything is great, don't get me wrong. But there's, I just felt like I was at a point in my career where it was either shit or get off the pot, because I'm 38 right now, Joey. I'm getting old. I'm an old man when it comes to this sport. Young man in life, but for the sport,

I'm getting old, right? So I needed to make a change. I needed to get more focus on my pile. I needed to get the coaching staff around my pile, not a extreme couture team. You know, it's hard for a coach to walk the floor when there's 20 guys on the floor, and seven of them are getting ready to fight in two weeks,

or three weeks, and get that kind of focus and that attention that you need in that focus. And things like that, you know, that you need from your coaches and your coaching staff, and things like that, it's hard for a coach to walk the floor and work with 20 guys at the same time, right? But so I've made a change.

I'm gonna, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna hire a coach on for my camp, where every day at this time, and this time, my people are there, whether it be five people that's on board or whether it be two people that's on board. They're right there, and they're all about my pile winning on whatever date it is, and that's what their focus is. And that is, and that's what flipped the script for me.

I dropped a couple in the UFC, and I was about out. If I would've lost another one, I would've been gone, probably, you know, due to the history of other fighters that could look like that was next for me, you know, because you lose too much, then you're not that interesting. And that's just the way it is, it's cutthroat that way. So once I got that focus, and I dialed all that in,

I made a turnaround in my career. And it was a very needed thing for me because I'd reached such a point where, Joe, I don't wanna go nowhere else. UFC's where it's at, man. I don't wanna go anywhere else, that's top of the heap. All those other organizations that are out there, they're great, right?

But if UFC's where it's at, that's where I fought my ass off to get to, and that's where I'm gonna stay until I'm done fighting. I make the decision when I'm done fighting, right? I'm not going anywhere else. So I have this shit to get off the clock. So I did, I made the change, went left the team aspect, brought my guys on.

If I'm fighting a wrestler, a very, very good wrestler, then I'll hire a guy who was a very good wrestler to come in for my camp for eight weeks. I'll throw him down a check, I'll say, here's the check. Does this number work for you? Do you wanna come take some time out of your life to help me win that night? If so, here's that check.

If not, then I understand, because that's a big commitment. Six to eight weeks gone away from, if it's a family man, he'd be gone. It just doesn't matter. You're out of your home for six weeks from anywhere. It's tough, so everybody's gotta eat, you know? So break them off, hey, you wanna be part of it? Yes, in the coaches, they're on board already.

They know what they're getting. The training partners that I bring in, they know what they're getting. It's a very specific structure that I have now, and it's been great. I dropped a couple of fights here and there, but it's to some bad boys, they're not slouches. According to Wikipedia, you're eight and two

in the last 10 fights. Yeah, you're eight and two. I was gonna say you were four and one in the last, I know you went down to Matt Brown, which just went by the blink of a fucking eye. It wasn't like, and I know you beat the fuck out of story, and there was another one there, and then the one in February,

so you were never out of the game, brother. You were always in there. And I know, hey, listen, self-criticism, you're talking to captain fucking self-criticism. I hate myself. So when I go on stage and I miss a joke, and I forget, I fucking go back to my room and beat myself up that night, you know?

And then the next day I see it's just a joke or whatever, but if you wanna keep doing what we're doing, we gotta pick this shit up. So no, you're a fucking savage, brother. 38 is just a fucking number. You look good. You keep, you know, you're light. You haven't taken that many of your ones.

What did you fight at 170, don't you? Right, 155, 170? Yeah, 170. Yeah, 170, I probably woke up on 87, about 17 pounds over. I never really, you know, I'm not a big guy. I'm just, I've always been tall and lanky, you know? So not too big of a welterweight,

but right in the middle there, I guess. And you got heart, man. I see it when you fight. I see it while you walk around. You know, I've known you a couple of years and I've always loved you. When I found out where you were from, I even loved you more.

You know, I love rednecks. That's my dream. I didn't want to be Cuban or Italian. I want to be a fucking redneck dog. Because then I had an excuse to shoot a motherfucker. You understand me? When you got an American flag on your truck, you got an excuse to shoot a motherfucker.

I'm Cuban now. Let's throw me in jail. But you know, I- I'm not asking that just to be driving down the road and take your shot down off the back of your, right off your gun rack out of your truck. Just take it off the rack, step out, shoot, whatever the hell it is, you're shooting out there,

no matter where you're at, and nobody gonna hear it. And then put your- and put it back in to the truck. Visible to everyone. Go to the post office and drop a mail off. Shotguns still sitting right there and no one blinks an eye or calls the cops because it should have cancer.

I got a shotgun in their window. You know, when I was young growing up in Jersey, I was so shot in the nose. I thought, Texas is the way you went to be a redneck. So I was gonna pick up my bags. I loved everything Texas. I loved the Houston Rockets. I liked the Dallas Cowboys.

I didn't even know about fucking Tennessee and what was cracking there till I got older. But you know, I've told you a couple times, my wife is going back in June and we're definitely getting the house an hour outside of Nashville somewhere. Like, I'm done. Okay.

I'm done. How you doing? I'm really happy. I wanna move back there. I wanna move closer to her family. You know, I like- Let that little one grow up with a yard and all the trees and grow up that way, man.

No, I'm with you. I really like that. I like- I want property. I don't wanna spend, you know, $400,000 and have a fucking neighbor. I wanna whack off in the- I wanna whack off in the fucking-

Yeah. You know- Oh yeah, we should feed up on the back porch and looking out over the fog rolling through the trees. Lay back in there, man. You hear a walking by, you be in the underwear, just chillin'. And if you needed to, take a piss.

You just stand on piss off the side of the porch. Oh, I love all that shit. I love- I'm sick and tired of traffic. You know, somebody, a couple of people, I've said this before, I wanna move to Nashville and I've gotten emails from people that it's very racist. And I'm like, you know what, man?

People fucking hate people everywhere. If I don't attract- Yeah, I don't attract those people. So I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? I don't give a fuck. I don't attract- What's racist about wanting to move to Nashville?

I know, other fuck, you know? Everywhere you move, there's racism. Everywhere, you know? So it's like, shut the fuck up. I go to Nashville, my wife's best friend is black. They talk every fucking day on the phone. She's Andrea Bobo, she's in fucking Memphis now. You know, my niece is in New York.

My niece, we just graduated from Bradford. They took him for a two week trip. Tonight they going to a Yankee game, bitch. They're in New York City. She went to see a pride- There's racism everywhere you go. I grew up with, I grew up, I grew up just, I guess I would say just out of being dirt poor.

Just a little bit higher than that, I guess, whoever that would be. But we had, I mean, we were all living together. Black folks, white folks, all down in those neighborhoods, man. One of my good friends growing up, the name was Tojo. That was his given name, his name was Tojo. That was my boy.

We go hunt birds with BB guns every day after school. Wonder what old Tojo's up to nowadays. Hunting fucking birds with BB guns. You never know, my brother. I'm going to see you July 18th, all right? You're going to be, you're going to come with the wife. I'll see you at the South Point. I love you, Mike Powell, and I wish you nothing but luck.

I wish you would have done the show earlier. I was always embarrassed to ask you, but you're a fucking great guy, man. I hope any time that you want me to come on out, definitely do it. I love you, Mike Powell. Have a great week. Give your son a kiss, and I'll see you July 18th

with the flying Jew. Say goodbye. All right, brother, say goodbye. Bye, buddy. All right, man. Have a great week. Thank you. That's a great fucking guy, man.

I love him. Every time I see him, he got Eddie Bravo in a movie with Mickey Rourke. They all played prisoners. He's been in movies, Mike Powell. Yeah. Mike's a good guy. I'm very fortunate to go to Wayne's

and talk to these guys. Whenever you do comedy shows, they show up and stuff. What's up, Lisa Yat? Your looking for your fucking hide. What's the problem? No. No, no. No, no, no. Fuck.

Let me talk. Let me just give a shout out. You squished some of that down. That wasn't just a quarter. No, stop. What are you going to do? You're beautiful. It's fucking Monday.

What else you got going on? I got a lot of shit to do. What do you got to do? I'm moving on Thursday, I got a pack. Okay, what about the walk today? You're gonna take a walk today, you didn't walk yesterday. What am I supposed to do, dog? You see how high I am?

Listen, you go home, you get your fucking iPod with the Jews jumping up and down and checking on music, and you go for a walk. You can't listen to that high. I almost had a panic attack, listening to him, talking about people beating each other up in the park. I started thinking about gladiators. Look at Lee, look at Lee.

Ha, ha, ha, he stoned to the gills. This is what I'm talking about people. Get your shit together, it's Monday, motherfuckers. Who gives a fuck what I'm still thinking? Honest for all your fucking needs, for all your supplemental needs. If you're not going to honest.com, he's still giggling, checking out what they got,

then you're slipping, you understand me? Honest got the, what do they got? They got the hemp protein, ooh, they got the alpha brain, who farted? They got before, no, they just smelled that before, it was tremendous. Oh, it was tremendous. Anyway, they got the fucking,

they got the alpha brain, they got the shroom tech, they got the new mood, listen, they're fucking cutting-edge technology, you feel good. I went to beginner jujitsu Friday night, and I took two of those shroom techs, and I'll tell you what, I did phenomenal. The energy it gives you towards the end, I did phenomenal. You feel good, you breathe in bed, I'm sorry, I'm burping,

it's just fucking water, and that edible made me burp. Just go to fucking honest.com, from kettlebells to weighted vests to ropes. Honest is always doing something ahead of everybody else, and I'm not, you know, if you go to all these other health websites, yeah, they're okay, and they've got good protein powders and whatnot. Honest got a money-back guarantee,

you don't like what they do, you fucking, especially with the alpha brain. I mean, who else fucking puts out alpha brain? You take a cycle of alpha brain, you see how good you feel. You feel alert, you feel alive, your eyes are fucked, what do you smell, the fart or the burp? No, no, no, just like, who else makes alpha brain? Only one company, no one else can make alpha brain.

Well, what the fuck you talking, this is what I'm saying to you. When it comes to new tropics, alpha brains, the motherfucker. Go to honest.com, you like what you see? Go to joeydeers.net, go to the Honest Box and Press. Church. CH, U-R-C-H, get 10% off, go on the Stay Honest program, they'll send you this stuff directly every fucking month, the beginning of the month, you don't gotta dilly-dally

and get back on the webpage. Just like my people at Dollar Shave Club, those bad motherfuckers, this is the first ingrown hair I've gotten in months, right here. I don't know why, you see that fucking lean, it looks like a fucking pepperoni fucking slice, it's big, I popped it this morning, I woke up, I had a lump on my fucking side,

what bitch, what, what, what? Yeah, I popped it, that's what I told you, I popped it by mistake, I scratched it, I didn't know what it was, but it doesn't matter, Dollar Shave Club, I looked at the blades the other day, I looked at the handle the other day, how good the handle was, the blade. Listen, if you're fucking around,

when you guys are going down to a supermarket, you gotta wait in line, you're spending fucking 20 a month, and that's just on blades and razors alone, cut this shit. They got a program, $1, $6 and $9. You get to pick what you want for your needs, attend to your beard, whether you want an allo strip, go to Dollar Shave Club, go see what they got to offer, if you like it, go to joeydears.net,

go to Dollar Shave Club, box and press in. Sure. CH, you are CH, don't sound so fucking enthusiastic, cock sucker. I know, I am, because girls can use it too, because Paula stole mine, she said it. That's what I'm saying, and you shave your monkey, it's got a good handle, it's heavy, your hand won't slip,

with those plastic ones, you got no guidance, if there's a burp or you're fart, you'll slit your fucking clip, not with Dollar fucking Shave Club. Go to Dollar Shave Club, go to the box and press. Church. Search, you CH, you are CH, you dirty cock suckers, always in the world of entertainment,

I always try to hook you motherfuckers up, whether it's razors, whether it's supplements, let me come at you, with my main motherfuckers, Hulu Plus, you can watch the Hulu Plus and so much more, you understand, you got Modern Family, the Daily Show scandal, and you can watch every episode of Nashville, Lost and Doctor Who, you get ad-free movies

and you get kid shows fucking too. You can play them on any computer, smart TV, Roku, Apple TV, Xbox, PlayStation, pretty much any streaming device, you got at the fucking house, an iPhone, your foot, your fungi toenail, Hulu Plus is there for you, go to Hulu Plus, see what they got, if you like what you see,

go to Hulu Plus Box on joedears.net and press in. Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, you bad motherfucker, and start your program at $7.99 a month, but I'm gonna give you two weeks off, two weeks for free, two weeks for free, who gives you two weeks for fucking free, who? Tell me who, nobody motherfuckers,

go to HuluPlus.com, go to the box and press in. Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, also to one of my favorite people in the world, I love Jeremy, I love talking to him on the phone, he always got answers for me. Go to escapebottank.com, let me tell you something, for all your tank needs, look at the shape

of this fucking MOOC, for all your tank, for all your flotation tank needs, whether it's industrial, residential, they ain't fucking around over there, you understand me? You got a question, you call Jeremy on the 1-800 line, they got the just a tank model, if you go over there, tell him I sent you, you got a buck 50 off, if you go to any other tank,

whether it's commercial or residential, you get 250 off if you mention joeydears.net or whatever the fuck you want to mention, Joey Dears, Lee Giggling, you know, look at this, look what I gotta put up with, look what I gotta put up with people, a little piece of fucking cheapo, till he's giggling, he's crying,

he's gonna walk to Denny's, you're gonna walk to Denny's, now you're gonna get two of those fucking five packages, aren't you? Anyway, go to escapebottank.com, they're tremendous, I hear nothing but great things about them, to help you all the way through, mention joeydears, mention the church, you got 250 off, but let me tell you

what the best part about this, man, they're there with your customer service, is the most important thing with your flotation device, you don't want to get in there and swim and sperm, this stuff is fucking tremendous, if you want to get it in your house, they'll help you. 1-800, call Jeremy, go to escapebottank.com,

mention the church, and get 250 off, this is how you gotta deal with this fucking, why are you getting on so much? What's the matter with you? I ain't even saying nothing funny, I'm just talking about fucking our sponsors, you gotta have a little respect here, Lee, you gotta have a little respect, you understand?

You said something very funny. What'd I say? You said? You're fucking wrong with you. What'd I say, Lee, look at this video. And I gotta tell you something, I listen to, what, Lee, what, what, what? Am I gonna keep talking?

Yeah, I'm sorry. Don't keep talking. I got nothing to say, fucks up, listen to you fucking stop giggling, what is it? Ladies and gentlemen, this poor fucking kid is shot to death. You know what's crazy, man? I've been a little fucked up lately,

I've been a little fucked up lately. It's amazing how hard it is to really write a book, it really, really is. I gotta give props to the people who are authors, anybody who writes a blog. But what's really hard is when you write a biography, I've been hooking up my little editor, Jessica, who I love daily, who, she really is great,

and she's really got the language down, and she's a hard work and whatnot. But the beauty of it is, we sat down this week, and we probably talked to three, close to four hours, we broke down three chapters. And I'll tell you something, it sucked the fucking wind out of me all week. Being that open or?

Well, being that open, you know, cause I had made notes, you know, you just don't, it's not like I just sit there and rattle off shit. I learn, I have to take a week and make little notes about everything I remember about that area. And then I put it all together, and then when I'm putting it together, I remember some other specific thing that was in there.

So it takes time. So when I get together with her on Tuesdays, we just sit there and we discuss the chapters, and it's a lot. You know what, you people are gonna get a way better book because she's involved. You're gonna get a tremendous book because she's involved because she's sucking the energy out of me,

she's taking these stories out of me, she's asking the questions that you wanna know. This is gonna be a lot easier than me just writing cause I don't know what you guys wanna know. So it just, it dragged me a little bit this week. It really, between that on Tuesday, the live podcast on Thursday, and the show on Thursday in San Diego

and the drive and the fucking cooking, everything. It really killed me. By Saturday, I was wiped. I didn't know why I was so sore. Well, you're pretty open with the podcast every week. I'm open with the podcast, but this is remembering those years. It's a fucking nightmare.

It's a fucking nightmare because it takes me there some nights. I have to go there in my heart and feel the desperation. You know, Friday night I stayed home, and I was just about ready to go to bed, nine o'clock, hustling flow was coming up, and I watched the beginning of it,

and hustling flow was about a black guy that has pimps, that has hookers, a white chick and two black chicks, and they're all stars today, I guess, in their own way. I mean, this movie was great. It starts off a little slow. I don't know how many years old it is now, 10 years old or whatever. It starts off a little slow, but it gets,

it picks up, it picks up in the story, and they start writing, and every character you'll see in this movie you've seen before, including Ludacris. And I don't know what happens. I don't want to spoil it for you, but there's a part in the movie when I was watching it the other day,

and they're sitting there and they're waiting for a client, a trick, and he's writing raps. The pimp is writing raps in his car, there's no air conditioner, and the hooker is a young pretty girl with no confidence, zero confidence, but she looks over at him and she goes, hey, D, I wish I could do something.

I wish I could do something. Just like that. She goes, no, she goes, I wish I was good at something. I wish I could do something. One of those sentences, and it just destroyed my insights, because again, like watching the thief a couple of weeks ago and seeing what I wanted, the other part of it was that that was me.

I always felt that was a thief because I couldn't do anything. And I think that's a horrible way of thinking. I know there's a lot of people that walk around thinking that they can't do something at that age. It's horrible, it's fucking horrible. It really is horrible, you know? And even that, even thinking that thought,

that I thought that way, took a little wind out of my sails because I can't believe why I thought that way. Boy, was I confused. But if I was confused living in New York, I can't imagine how many other people are confused thinking that they can't do nothing, that they have to settle for a shitty fucking job,

or settle for something they don't wanna do in life. It's so fucking weird. So if you get a chance, watch Hustling Flow, but if you feel that way sometimes, you have fucking options because that's what writing that book reminds me. That's what people wanna see, that they write that book. I never ever wanted to be a fucking celebrity.

I still consider myself a celebrity. That's a stupid fucking word, you know? And I'm not a movie star, and I'm just a dirty fucking comic. And I sit down with another fucking dirty Jew twice a week and we talk shit, okay? But we talk the truth and we talk what's in our heart and we talk about the things that we do and how it affects us.

This podcast is about fucking Lee and his growth. This podcast is about making somebody's day. But this podcast is also about thinking that we can't do something. And I don't want you to think that way no more. Fuck all that shit. You can do whatever the fuck you want. It's Monday, motherfuckers.

Plain and simple. That's why we ate the edible. That's why we smoked the vapor pens. And that's why we're gonna leave you with a smile on our face. I think I can tell you what was so fucking mean. Well, tell me now what I'm fucking giggling. You're doing the escape hot tank guy.

And you're like, I love calling Jeremy. I love talking to Jeremy on the phone. He always has answers for me. He's like, quick line. I love talking to Jeremy. Sure, he always got answers. Why call a customer service guy if we don't have fucking answers, Lee?

You know what I'm saying? I just imagine he's like, there's answers about nothing. It's like, yeah. Answers. He always got answers. And then he's asking about the McDonald's. Don't give me a burger. What's the 88 cents?

Yeah, why? Why call somebody if they ain't got no fucking answers? You know what I'm saying? Have a great fucking week. It's Monday, June 2nd. Like I said, you can do it or fucking it. We don't ever think you can't do it. Doug, I thought the same fucking way

that hurt my feelings watching that movie. So get up there, grab your fucking balls, take the little syringe, whatever you, what's that little sponge? Wash your asshole. It's gonna be a good day. It's gonna be a great day. Oh, the One Wipe Charlie's.

I think he meant, whatever. Even if you just get the fucking towel and you don't have One Wipe Charlie's, wash that asshole, get the bonnicles out. It's gonna be a good day, trust me. It started off in doubt, but it's gonna be a good day. Stay black.

I wanna thank all our sponsors on it. Dollar Shave Club, Hulu Plus, Escape Pod Tank. Thank you for a beautiful Monday. Have a great day. See you Wednesday. We haven't decided on what time. It will not be a morning one. Have a fucking great day.

Stay black. A little something for my people from New Jersey. 10th Avenue. Freeze out, stay black. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial with Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet.

Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click

on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And Jeremy calling them up. Here's the answers for you at escapepodtank.com. You're going to save $250 if you mentioned the idea of the church or what's happening now. [?]. Tid drizzles on the citybed Oracle, they searchin' for as group Seems like the whole world walking pretty and you can't find more room to move

Well everybody better move over that song Cause I'm running on the bad side and I got my back through the wall 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out I was standing in the jungle trying to take in all the heat that was given Day and night is dark with the sun more bright and light with the light of the living From a tenement window a child just a brand Turnin' on the color things got real caught in your face

I walked into a 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out Turnin' on the color things got real caught in your face I walked into a 10 devil new frees out I was standing in the jungle trying to take in all the heat that was given Oh When the change was made of time and the big man joined the bay From a close-knight to the city all the men opened the ways of hell

I'm gonna sit back right easy and laugh When the sky and the big man crossed the city in a happy way 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out Tell me, tell me Ain't nothing more to tell me

I'm told you have a little tail Ain't nothing more to tell Tell it, tell it, tell it, tell it, tell it, tell it Tell it, tell, tell it, tell it, tell it, tell it I'm told you have a little tail 10 devil new frees out 10 devil new frees out