Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #182 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, July 20th…. This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by The Freeze Pipe & CBD Lion.…. Freeze Pipe Support the show and get 10% off with the code JOEY at https://TheFreezepipe.com CBD Lion Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #TheFreezePipe The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code JOY and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 18th of July. The joint is brought to you by FreezePipe. Listen, no matter how fucking hot it gets outside, it's fucking hot. You keep your bong nice and ice cold.

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CBD Lion is the best. Pressing code JOY, JOINT to get 20% off. Now, without further ado, let's get to some fucking talking. It's 1993 and this motherfucker today. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's JOINT. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to Uncle Joey's JOINT, the 18th of the 20th of the fucking July.

Jesus Christ, this shit is moving right the fuck along, man. It's crazy. If it's the 20th today, tomorrow, it's 40 years that I fucking bang this girl that told me I would never banger. It took me three years to get in her pants, but I fucking did it. We're still friends. We talk from time to time. She's a friend of mine on Facebook, but I love all that shit.

When somebody tells you, you can't fucking do like, she's like, it's never going to happen. Don't even ask me out. She told me that like sophomore year, I'm like, I'm going to make a mental fucking note about that. I worked all like a fucking, you know, brought a chocolate, walked to home. I did all that faggy shit. You do what you got to do. You understand me?

If you don't like porn, you got to do what you do to fucking get that monkey from time to time. Three years to get that fucking monkey. That's persistent. You understand me? And at the time, I wasn't even into sex. Like I was too young. I was doing coke and shit, you know, but don't ever tell me it's not going to fucking happen.

Anyway, it's crazy because that's the worst thing for people. When you tell somebody they're not going to do it, like that's my last resort with people. If somebody's having a problem or something and they're like, listen to the, you know, just fucking either do it or fucking don't. You have to have that little chit chat with them from time to time and it sucks. But anyway, I was thinking about 1990 fucking three, you know, I'm looking through this book now where we're going through chapters just to see what the fuck is going on. If everything fits in shit every morning, we're having like a little conference call

to go over the chapters. The next month is legal. So in August, I start the legal portion of the book where we hop on the phone with fucking lawyers and shit and they tell us what I can't and can't put in the fucking book. And it's crazy because I put some stories in there. Guys, I told you that I told you guys early on that I had, I have a thousand stories. You know, I got a thousand stories. If I sit and think and somebody brings something up, I could think of the fucking story, you

know, I'll make a few calls to verify it, but I have a thousand stories, but I also have 10,000 stories that I can't say. I can't say because it'll implicate somebody else. I can't say because maybe I was scared to, you know, tell people the facts, you know, about what happened at that time. I was always scared to tell anybody of what would really happen in 1993 when I came back here. I've always been, and since you guys are podcast followers and stuff and you've been around

for a while, I'm going to tell you a couple of these fucking things because I'm not really proud of this. But the moral of the story is I can't believe that I was doing comedy and making Hedgeway while I was doing these fucking, living this fucking crazy life. I mean, my nine months that I spent in New Jersey in 93 after I got divorced, really fucking, it brought me home. Like I hadn't been home since like 85. It leveled me.

It brought me back my mind of being a North Bergen guy, you know, how we work, how we operate. But it also got everything. Like when I came back in 93, I hooked up with some old friends. And if you think I was crazy at that fucking time, these guys had been like the shit I stopped and I went to prison. These guys kept going and they let normalize. But once a week they did a hit or they did like fucking, they robbed the truck or they

helped somebody. They always did something on the up and up. I had a handful of these guys, but there was one guy in particular that I knew since the eighth grade and he took to me when I got older. We were both fucking junkies, you know, I loved them with all my heart. He fucking loved me. And in 93, we had had ups and downs over the year, but 93 when I came back, he was getting married.

And I told him I was doing comedy. We had reconnected after, I don't know, six years and not speaking. And he's like, you're really going to do comedy. And you know, like when everybody in the world tells you you're crazy for picking something like this guy was the craziest guy I knew. Like he was out there as a human being as a criminal. He was a fucking sweetheart in real life, but he eat your fucking lunch and he take your fucking lunch.

You know, yes, that was at the park watching one of my Jimmy Florentine son was playing basketball. So I went down at 530 Monday night and then we were going to go to Austria for hamburger cheese burger night. So I went down there and there was these dudes on the court about like 18, they were like 18 year old seniors, you know, and all there was six of them, four of them were steroid at. And then the coach said, listen, it's really hot on this court and we play on this court.

And the six dudes were like, yeah, whatever, you know, they were agreeing to it, but they were kind of being dickish about it. Like how old are these kids? Like during the fifth grade, cool, like, you know, they were trying to be nice. And I watched them. I was watching the game. I'm sitting next to my wife. I'm talking to fucking parents and I'm watching these five kids and I go, wow.

If I was 18 and I came down here when I was 18 with like Mike Runney, my brother and this guy, Darren Rago, they would fucking roll those guys. Like I'm telling you. They would beat them up and take their shit and then send them home. The six kids could have surrounded those two monsters. They would have cleaned their fucking clock taking them. And I told my wife, my wife's like, those kids are fucking annoying. And I'm like, you know what's crazy?

I wish you would have seen my brother, Mike and Darren Rago. They would have came down here. They would have taken those kids apart. It's a different world. I go, those kids are popular. They're good looking and shit. And they're all steroid. But I can tell you, they got no fucking heart.

My friends would come down here, beat them to death and take their shit. And sure enough. And I go, you know why they have no heart? Because they're spoiled. They're spoiled kids. They don't know anything about it. You could see them giggling like fucking faggots with no shirts on. Six of them.

And I'm like, my friends would have fucking taken everything from and my wife tapped me on the shoulders. They were leaving. She goes, you're right. Look at that. That's an $80,000 truck. How do I know? Because my brother's got one.

Kids were in high school driving an $80,000 truck. And I'll tell you something else. My brother, Mike Ronnie, would have taken that too. And I wish, I wish I was fucking lying to you guys. You know, when I went back to North Bergen, I had some sweetheart friends. I had some friends that made me laugh. I had friends that fucking, you know, helped me get high. Nobody ever had to help me get high.

But you know what I'm saying? Like we mixed forces to get high. And then they go their way and I go my way. And by the time 1993 came, I had lost contact with like Darren. Mike Ronnie, I always speak once a week, twice a week. But I lost contact with Darren. So when he came up to him, when I told him I was doing comedy and I was getting divorced, I got divorced.

I had no money. I'm broke. I got nothing. You know, I could be that honest with this kid and he's like, dog, if you're doing comedy, you put your heart into it, I'll do whatever you need. I'll ride you. I'll give you money. And I was like, wow, I know all the fucking people I think would support me.

This guy, and I got to be honest with you, I'm exaggerating a little bit because in 93 when I came back, I did a show at Romanos and my fucking friends came and I just showed up up there. I didn't have a show. There was a show at the bar called Romanos and my friends said, let's go up there and see what it's about. Maybe they'll put you on stage and I went down and I met Gonzo, good guy, Bob Gonzo. This is 1993.

Gonzo is still doing comedy rooms in New Jersey. I see him on Facebook all the time. I walked in there. I go, Gonzo, I'm a comic. I'm doing comedy like two years. I want to know. I don't even want to go up. I just want to let you know I'm available and if I could ever come and do a free set,

that's what you do when you're a comic. And this is writing my hometown in a little town called Guttenberg within North Bergen. And he goes, thank you for introducing yourself. Liquid IV, it's a hot fucking day. Thank you for introducing yourself. Yeah, give me your number and I'll call you. That was about like in the beginning of the show. Midway in the show, he came up to me.

He goes, dog, I'm going to have to put you on stage because your friends threatened me. I go, why? He goes, that little guy over there, he fucking threatened me. He's talking about that. He goes, he told me to put you up on stage. I don't want no problem with these guys. I'll put you up. And I went up on stage and my friends wouldn't fucking hate shit.

They were clapping, yelling and shit, drinking, snorting, blow. It was fucking nuts. And that night, a couple of them were like, Coco, we're fucking happy you're doing this, man. Keep doing it. I sucked. I sucked. I just talked about my friends. I talked about North Bergen and about my friends, but I, that night I got some support.

And then Darren was like, I'm all over it. Call me when you want to do spots in the city, blah, blah, blah. At that time there was like bananas, rascals north, rascals south. I wasn't good enough to play in any of these clubs. The stress factory, I was still like an open mic and trying to find my way around. I got a job driving limos and I, over time I just put a schedule together. And I would go out at night and do stand up spots in New York. I sucked.

That's how I met Michael Buschetti. That's how I would go to your old triple in. It was a rough fucking time, guys. I could sit here and lie to you. It was rough. When you're doing open mics, it's fucking rough and I'm working and I'm going through war with my ex-wife and I'm fighting with my wife over the kid. But I'm a fucking open miker.

Now let's just take that. I'm an open miker. Most open mikers are young guys. They have a day job. Maybe they got a girlfriend. Maybe they're married. They got no fucking drama. At the open mics, every once in a while, a guy comes in and he got beat up by his wife.

You know, in Seattle, that open mic, every week somebody came in with something. Common came in one night holding his stomach and his wife stabbed him. No, no, no, no. Common, the open mics, you don't know what the fuck I expect, you know. I was getting tortured at these fucking places. Like, and you got to keep your mouth shut. You know, people have, when you're on the bottom of the fucking, when people are shit on you, you got to keep your mouth shut, you know.

I had a couple situations where I had to say things to people. One guy stole my joke. I had to fucking push him. You know, shit like that. Stupid stuff. But that was, it's looking back at that time when I was reading this chapter last night, what my day was like. Guys, I would have to take the 7am bus, so I wouldn't have to pay to get into the city.

Like, I had a, my friend's father drove a bus and he told me, if you get on the bus, that, in fact, it was Darren's father. He goes, if you get on my bus, I'll never charge you. Just sit next to me. So I would make sure I get on that. That's, I was saving three dollars. When you're fucking saving three dollars, you're fucking broke. Like, you're fucking broke.

That three dollars was for a muffin and a fucking orange juice and port authority. And then I would go to work and then I would fucking change and it was none stop grinding. But I was making a little bit of money. And then I told some of my friends I needed to make some money and they gave me different scams. I had my buddy Loops hit me with a fucking ID scam. And I was picking up two or three thousand dollars here and there. I was delivering sandwiches. I was selling cars.

I was driving a limo. I was fucking over, you know what they call that shit when you're over maxed at the checking account? What do they say? You're overextended on your career. I was overextended in my fucking life. But that's what it means to be an open miker. And that's what it means to be young. You have all this time, no responsibility.

You got to fill up your fucking schedule. There's no time to watch TV and sit around. You're fucking free. You have nothing, you know. And it was so weird because when I got into comedy, I was married and I had this fucking regimen and I'm like, how am I going to do comedy? And then one day the God blessed me and he made my ex-wife dump me and I was like, because I was a fucking stiff.

And I never forget that she dumped me. I'm going, thank God, now I could do comedy. Like it was the most bittersweet fucking thing that ever happened to me like I'm leaving you. But at the same time, hey, now you could do comedy, which is what you really fucking wanted to do anyway. So when I asked my friends if I wanted to make money, one friend approached me. He's like, man, I got a way to make a ton of fucking money. In fact, what reminded me of all this was two days ago, it was one of these guys' birthdays that my friend wanted me to rob. He's out of the drug business and shit.

He's all now, my friend kept saying he had a suitcase with $50,000 in it. All we had to do was break his window and grab the suitcase and shit. But one of my other friends beat me to it. But the guy stole the wrong suitcase with like $2,000 in it. So trust me, I'm from a fucking family of not good criminals. But I didn't, you know, I had just come out of jail. I was at war with my ex-wife. Anything, like if I got arrested for fucking anything, it would have set me back 20 fucking years.

And it, you know, I was set back anyway. It wasn't a major difference. But at that time, I really fucking walked on my peas and queues because any police contact, she was going to take that to the courts and fucking rape me with it. So I was playing my peas and queues. That's why I was delivering sandwiches. The only thing I was doing illegal those days was snorting coke and buying coke. That's it. I was buying coke for me and snorting coke.

That's okay. She knew I got high. She didn't know the extent of it, but I wasn't doing anything. Then as I got the, listen, I'm a walking felony. I do a felony every day and I don't even know I'm fucking doing it. Whether it's cut off a mailman, you're always doing something that ain't fucking right. All right. In my world, I'm always doing something that ain't right.

Every day I committed a felony when I was a fucking kid, robbery, whatever. So I didn't want to get in trouble. So these guys kept asking me, you know, do you want to do it now? And I tried going straight guys and it worked for a few months. It worked, but it's a lot of fucking work going straight. Especially when you have no education. You're fucking a lot like I was, you know, you're going to always find a job, but while they're going to pay you fuck no.

If I was making $3,000 a month in those days and that was paying child support, helping Georgia's grandmother pay the rent a little bit by some groceries and the rest went stupidity. My cocaine use and whatever the fuck else I was doing. So I was putting away a little money. I was paying child support. I was sending gifts home. I was buying some clothes from time to time.

Thank God cocaine was 35 a fucking grand. It was 35 a gram. It was 25 a gram 35 if you wanted it uncut. Are you kidding me? I was going over there every day for fucking two grams like nothing. So finally like in July, I'm like, I got to figure something out. You know, I don't, you know, I didn't want to be a criminal no more. And this way I say to you guys, there's nobody better in any industry

that tried to clean himself up more than me a thousand times. When this book comes out, you're going to be dizzy by how many times I started over. Like I just couldn't get it right. I could not get it right for the fucking life of me. And finally one day in July, my friend goes, listen, man, I got a friend. He gets badges and shirts from an agency. He knows people and you could help us flip some drug dealers. And I'm like, God damn it.

And what does this entail? Well, we kicked down the door. We neutralize everybody. We pull out our badges. We fucking handcuffed some of them. You put ties on some of them. You might have to hit somebody in the head with a gun to get their attention. And then we rob.

He goes, all the fucking hits are preplanned. Everybody knows what's going down. You know, we get our information from these cops and we give them 25% of these fucking score. And I'm like, this isn't fucking happening to me. This is not fucking happening to me. I am not getting approached with drug deals, but guys, I had to do what I had to do. That could be a movie itself. Oh my God.

You guys, you have no fucking idea. And so I would meet these guys like once a week and we would do creepy fucking things. We would go to fucking Harlem and follow drug dealers and pull them over. And it was the first, I think I made like nine grand the first time I did something with them. And I paid my attorney off and I bought some clothes. I bought sneakers. I bought socks. I mean, that's how fucking poor I was.

I don't want you to think I was rocking and rolling and I would resign to fucking do crimes. I was not rocking and rolling. I was fighting for every fucking dime I had. It was 14 inches every fucking day in my world. And that 9,000 caught me up with some child support, caught me up with the attorney. It gave me a little daylight. So guys, once you smell fucking blood, I don't have to tell you what happens. Once the shark days blood, he's going to keep doing it, you know, and I quit my job delivering sandwiches.

Thank God. Because it was in my hometown. So all these people that knew I was a loser now had to see me in the deli making sandwiches as a 32 year old fucking man. No, I was 30 at the time, 1993. I got out of there because that didn't make me feel right. But I started making a little, people will put me on their, on their shows now. I booked a private gig, which I bombed and I ate a bag of dog shit. But I was making little strides with comedy.

I'd signed myself up with that money for a comedy class at the New York comedy club, the old one. So they came to me again. They go, do you want to do another one? And I was like, yeah. And this one was rough. We had to go into people's houses and tie them up and hold them down. I'm not proud of these things, you know, because when I, when I got out of the prison, I was like, I love doing those drug rips. I fucking love them.

You don't know what it is to make your heartbeat like that. You know, I watch, I once watched a show about like people did comedy and musicians. That the reason why they get addicted early on is because you get a certain high when you go up on stage. You get a certain high when you perform live, you get a certain high when you run, you know, there's run as high. There's all these highs and you want to keep the party going. That's where the fucking addiction sets in. At that time, I was totally gone, guys. Totally gone.

I did coke seven days a week. No reason to lie, 35 fucking dollars a gram or 25. You could always borrow 25 fucking dollars. So I was, it was a mess and not in the daytime. Never in the daytime. Always once I got home at night and I fucking that's when I started because I was living with George's grandmother. So I fucking couldn't bring beer in the house. You know, they would know that I was so that's when I started snorting with no alcohol and just getting high on cocaine.

Maybe do a fucking line of heroin from time to time. I mean, that's how crazy my life was in 1993. So now they come to me again. This time we do that fucking apartment in Harlem. No guns went off. No, nothing went off, but I didn't like the way the guys we tied up were looking at me. Like they just weren't. I didn't like that feeling when you tie somebody up, they look at you a weird fucking way, man.

And, you know, you duct tape their feet and shit, their legs. It took me, it took me fucking, you know, it took me and I had mentioned these stories from time to time, not the extent of them. I mean, you know, next time I do a thing with sickler, I'll break down some of those drug rips that were just, I mean, guys, you go Joey out of fucking you get killed. I have no idea. I have no fucking idea. And that one. I got about 15 G's and about an ounce of coke. So that was pretty fucking good.

I paid more child support off. I paid the attorney off a little more. I gave some daughter grandma. There was somebody who I lent money that lent me money that I had to pay them back like a large amount. Oh, Mike Ronnie's wife. God rest her soul. So when I got into stand up, she was one of a few people that fucking supported me. She would give me little envelopes on the side and she would always go, I don't want you to be in the city without no money.

And I would say I'm putting on a tab and I put on the tab and I fucking paid it. And anyway, and then I was on my way. I go, I swear to God, I'll never do one of these fucking things again. I'm covered. I'm up to date with everybody. I can't fucking believe it. You know, part of the reason I didn't want to go back to Colorado at that time was because I did all on child support. But once the child support was paid.

And I didn't know a lot. I owe like three months. I was buying like 900 bucks. But for me, 900 bucks in those days was a lot of fucking money. So finally in August, I think it was August or maybe it was like August. And I got a job in Englewood Cliffs selling cars up there at a Mazda dealer. It was like a Mazda BW store. It was a little peaceful.

I, you know, listen, man, just having peace of mind at that time for a month. That month of August was just peace of mind. Like I had nothing to worry about money. I kept my jobs. I kept doing fucking stand up. I kept snorting coke, you know. And somewhere in the month of August, I go, you know what? My time in New Jersey is done.

I, I bit a little bit more off that I chew. You know what I'm saying? I wasn't any trouble. Nobody was looking for me. I don't know if those creepy dudes that I tied up were looking for me all over Harlem. But I was done. I was like, I want to go back. I figured out what I want to do with comedy and I figured out what I don't want to do with my life.

I had all this clarity now, you know. But believe it to Joey, my friends call me again and they're like, we're going to do something this week. We got to line out a guy, you know. So one of the other guys, I don't know what was going on in his life. So it was just down to me and my buddy. And we followed a guy for a few days for a few nights. We would follow him like from, I don't know. My buddy had to rent the car and he had a, you had to rent the car in those days, but he had to rent the car.

It looked like a cop car. So he had rented the car now at 91. Oh my God. In 91, I came to Jersey for a week. I was still married and I rented a car and they gave me one of those police cars. And I still remember vividly going to Harlem and going, hey, I need some coke. And they're like, no, I remember going to Yankee Stadium to bike, drive my brother get cracked. And he goes, you'll definitely sell your coke up there.

I'll definitely get it for you. They sold him the crack. They would not sell me the fucking coke in this goddamn white, whatever. I don't even know. It's a big fucking car. So we had to rent the car. He had to rent the car. I didn't have no credit cards that time.

I leave the guy to fucking license. He rented the car and fucking we followed this guy for about two nights to about four in the morning. And then the third night we follow him in the daytime. He goes, we got to do something in the daytime with this guy because I want to see where he makes his deliveries to. This was supposedly a stash house that held the coke. And then they would make different deliveries to spots in the city and the Bronx and Queens, whatever. So we followed the guy. He didn't have a nice car.

It was like a beat up Honda Civic or something. I think it was a Honda Civic, the hatchback. I don't know if you guys remember that old fucking car. And we followed him out of 178th Street and he took the West Side Highway to go south. Like to go like Times Square, 42nd Street, whatever. I don't know if he's going Times Square. I'm just saying he went south. So we jumped on him.

We jumped on him as he made it was fucking like God into fear. He got on. We had followed him, but my man knew how to get on that spot of the bridge. We didn't go on the bridge. We got off the bridge. We went to 178th Street, which is right behind Port Authority right there. We waited maybe, I don't know, a half hour and then the guy took off. We're like, we're live.

So we follow him and at one point we kind of lost him, but then we met up with him again. Like very, I wasn't chasing him. I was just sitting in the passenger side and this motherfucker looked and he saw me and he fucking stepped on it. I don't know what, I don't know if I look like a mobster character in 1993. This before the sopranos. I don't know what the fuck happened. This guy shot. He shot so hard.

He went on the motherfucking shoulder of the West Side Highway and then pulled over. He squeezed his tires, stopped the car and ran out of the fucking car. You guys, you can't write this. You cannot write this fucking story. He just runs out of the car and starts jumping over the fucking West Side Highway. Cars are beeping at him and shit. He's running. Me and my boy just pull over.

He goes to the driver's side. Fucking car was wide open. He goes, it's in the fucking car somewhere. He popped the glove compartment. Nothing. We went and this, and the cars are driving by us on the West Side Highway. You do know this, right? Cars are fucking driving by.

I'm over there waving both of me. Finally fucking, finally fucking, we go on the trunk and there they are two nice fucking blocks. We pulled them out on broad daylight. We put them in my boy's car. He gave me like 500 cash and he goes, I'm going to go get rid of them and give you the balance tonight. I got to pay off the cops and pay you off. And he came that night to my house and gave me a nice chunk of money. And it was like fucking poetry in motion.

I got the dough. I paid some out. I don't know what I did. I bought some clothes, guys. I had one suit. I would wear the same suit every day. I would wash the shirt. I had one white shirt, guys.

You want to talk about struggle? I had one white shirt, college shirt, and I would have to take it off at night, fucking spray the collar, wash it by hand, dry it, and then fucking iron it in the morning. I did that six days a fucking week with the same white shirt. By the time I got a new shirt five months later, there was such a fucking stain under here between the Coke and the petroleum and the pollution in the New York City. It was God awful, guys. God awful. I remember that. I took that money and I hit it.

And I started planning my fucking escape from New Jersey. I sold the following Saturday. I sold the car to this fucking girl. That was beautiful. She came in with this nebulous fucking boyfriend. I thought she was beautiful. I didn't see them. I couldn't see these guys.

I couldn't see the body on her with this kid. This kid didn't know how to fucking trust me. So when you sell somebody a car, you got to call them to check in with them, you know, like, how's the car going? Do you need me to explain anything else about the warranty, whatever? And I started calling. She started calling me and we hit it off. And one day she told me, she goes, I'm thinking of moving to Colorado. I'm like, what?

What are you saying? I thought she like fucking read my cards or something. I told her I had lived in Colorado. I never told her I was thinking of going back because I didn't know how long we were going to last. I didn't want the girl to go. Well, I don't want to date this guy. She was nice. I hadn't had a girlfriend in fucking a year.

She didn't do drugs. She was a drug counselor, believe it or not. That's a fucking nightmare for a guy like me. And everything was going great. And I went and I took some of the money. I'll never forget this. My buddy, the criminal invited me to a jet game. The jets were playing the Philadelphia Eagles at Giant Stadium at the time.

93 September, October. It had to be September. And I'll never forget them on the way down. And I'm the kiss of debt when it came to gangling for years because I didn't know what I was doing. And they fucking put like a thousand dollar bed on the jets getting one or something. Something weird though. And Randall Cunningham, the star quarterback of the fucking whatever got hurt and the jets ended up winning. Ended up winning another $2,000 or something.

I'm like, you know what? I'm getting the fuck out of here. I'm taking my earnings and it's time to fucking go. When I read that fucking story the other day, when I was going through on the phone with Erica and fucking the book people, I had a fucking, I don't know. I had to go smoke pot. I think I even went and had a sangria with my wife. I was like, what the fuck was that chapter about?

I just started thinking about and going, how the fuck did I have a fucking survive this fucking life? I have no idea, guys. How the fuck did I go from there to go into the comedy store and to go on sets with people that are nice people, nice human beings. Do you understand how much insecurity I had for years? Like when people would invite me to their homes and shit. I'm like, don't these people know I'm going to rob them? Like I couldn't understand why people liked me for years because when somebody did like me, I can never understand.

When somebody opened their trust to me, I really couldn't understand. I'm like, the shit I did, these people would know it. I still remember walking on the first set. I ever walked on was baseball and I still remember fucking going. They're going to do a background check. Okay, it's just stupid. Like how does universal Sony, these are multimillion dollar corporations. How are they not doing a background check on me before I come on this fucking set?

They just took it for granted. Some lady called her and said she had a guy that she could read for that audition and you just trust him. And he comes in one day and you just put him on a set with millions of dollars in equipment and shit. I'm like, they're going to do a background check on me. I worked, no fucking problem. And I got other jobs. I haven't been on mad TV for the first time. I'm going, Fox is definitely doing a background fucking check on me.

Nope. It just, it just fucking was unbelievable when I started working. It took years for me to shake that stigma. Like, you know how long it took me to tell these fucking stories? Got to remember, I met Rogan in 97 and on the road, we were telling stories about bookmaking and mugging fucking drug dealers. And he go, what are you going to tell these stories on stage? And I go, I'm never telling those on stage. I don't ever want somebody, you think I wanted to tell you guys the story today?

I never wanted to say it. And trust me, if you know anything about Uncle Joey, there's more to the story that I'm leaving out. There's another particle in here that I really can't fucking say. Yeah, you know, listen, when I was doing that shit, you know, I pray every day that God forgives me for thiefing all those years. But I don't ever felt bad from thiefing from a drug dealer. I really didn't. I never did. It's everybody knew what time it was.

When you get into that, when you sign that paper and you become a drug dealer, you go into a different realm. You become a target for people. You know, and that's why I tell you, before you bring drugs into your house to fucking sell them, realize what comes with that shit. You know, you got a little sister in the house. You got a dad in the house, your mom, your grandma, these people today don't give a fuck, Jack. You know, if somebody came to me and said to me from 1983 to 2000. Now 95. If somebody came to me and said, Mike's got 20,000 in his house.

That's mine. Not today, but tomorrow. That's my money. 20,000 cash in this house and he's telling people he's too stupid. I got to rob him. I got to rob him just because he's that fucking stupid. I had a friend of mine who used to hide his drugs in his driveway under his car. People walk by, you see the fucking coke cans and I used to take one every fucking day.

Why? Because if you're that fucking stupid, I'm going to fucking rob you. But anyway, I just wanted to, I just sometimes I think about my life and I go, what the fuck? Where do these stories come from? You know, when I told her that story, like me and Erica were going through this, you got to guys remember, we started doing this December of 2020. And I was fucked up. And I still remember having surgery, laying up in the daytime with my leg and her calling me and me being fucked up on pain pills, slobbering and fucking, you know, and telling these stories. But even then, with all the fucking pain pills and whatever else was going on, I would write the chapters out to prepare them because I wanted to give her a good chapter, but she caught these chapters.

Erica did a fucking great job on this book. When I looked at the few chapters I did last week and then I started just reviewing them just to see what the fuck I said. You know, what the fuck did I, who knows what I fucking said those four or five months. But when I said this story and in the book, it's a little bit more detailed. I just don't want to, I want you to, when you read the book, you got a couple fucking surprises. I don't want them that you're going to go, well, I read this already. Well, Joey said this already. I've already said each of these stories three fucking times, but when you read them, they're going to hit you a little differently the same way they hit me.

Like I'm already a little scared that by reading this, you guys are going to go, I can't fucking hang with Joey no more. This is, this is too fucking crazy. And the name of the book is tremendous. The story of a comedy savage. Uh, and somebody from Patreon and fucking, I did a little contest on Patreon and somebody gave me a couple guys gave me fucking great ideas. But somebody on Patreon gave me the idea and I got to announce it this week because I keep forgetting the fucking announce. I took a picture of all of them. Don't forget tomorrow night.

I'm going to fall. Oh no tonight motherfuckers. I'm at fucking Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant. I'm looking forward to it. Some of my neighbors are coming and tomorrow night. And tomorrow night I'm in motherfucking the stress factory and then next week I don't know what I got. I think I'm doing something on the 28th and that's it guys. We're back to fucking normal way.

This shit's running again. My mind. I got some clarity and I'm ready to fucking sling some dick. I love that you still support me. We're going to stop putting. So we got a great guest coming on next week. Hopefully that'll all work out. And after that, I got some more surprises coming.

It's just taking some time guys. I got a lot of my plate right now. Now they drew this book at me. You know, it's fucking too much lately. But I love you motherfuckers. Thank you for supporting the joint. Thank you for always giving us love. And I hope you enjoyed the fucking amp show last night.

I drew some motherfucking heat on there. I opened up with Looks to Kill by Motley Crue. The place went nuts. I love Motley Crue. Anyway, and by the way, I heard a little rumor that Motley Crue's killing Def Levin on the road. That they don't know how much longer Def Levin could have lined up. They're just going up there and they're flagring like a fucking Motley Crue's fucking strong. And that guitarist, everybody was writing him off.

That motherfucker's throwing some fucking heat on the road. They were in Hershey, Pennsylvania last week on the 12th and I fucked up. So maybe we could catch him on the next tour then poison Def Levin. Who the fuck knows? I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Thank you for supporting the joint. I'll see you next week. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack.

All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for the ear beating. We'll have some guests for you next week. But until then, listen, you have your board. I got something for you. It's hot outside. You're sitting there. You're like, ooh, the freeze pipe cock suckers.

Get a little fucking Uncle Joey's reefer and get that freeze pipe going. Let me tell you something about freeze pipe. It's a fucking bong. It's a pipe. It's a bubbler. There's three different ones. I don't want to confuse you. This ain't fucking a James Bond thing here.

But it's tremendous. What you do is it comes in two pieces, maybe three pieces. You take the one piece off. You put it in the freezer. When you're ready to see the devil, you take it out. You put it in, you pack up the fucking bowl and you burn that motherfucking. Next thing you know, you're blowing smoke that you don't even know is in your lungs. Why?

Because the smoke is cooled down. That's what I'm talking about. Your smoke is so fucking cold. You'll be like a fucking penguin shaking in that fucking corner. Let me explain something. I've used every type of 40 years of smoking dope. I used everything from the apple to the finger. I used it all.

Freeze pipe is the fucking best because it cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees. It takes care of your throat, your lungs. You'll feel better. You understand me? It's the way. If you're going to see the devil, you should invite the freeze pipe over your house. And it starts with you. Listen, cock suckers.

Uncle Joey's taking care of you. So go to the freeze pipe.com pressing code Joey to save 10% on your first order. Get yourself a new bomb, a pipe or a bubbly. Listen, you don't love whatever the fuck you get. That's how good the freeze pipe is. So that's the freeze pipe.com pressing code Joey to save 10% freeze pipe like a snowball and a fucking bomb. Take care of yourself, guys.

It's hot out there. You don't want your lungs to fucking collapse. Get that freeze pipe and smoke till the smoke comes out of your ears. The joint is also brought to you by CBD lion. Listen, you think CBD lion's been with me for this long because I don't like them or they're not a good product? I like everything CBD lion puts out. From the cream to the back walls to the kinesiology tape, your shoulders are stiff.

Do what I do before I go to bed. You take a piece of tape, you cut it and you put it on your shoulder. Just a one inch piece of tape. You're going to fucking feel tremendous after three, two days. The shoulders won't bother you when you sleep. That's CBD lion. They got something for fucking everything. Cream, Roland cream, back balls, gummies, Delta 8 gummies, which will make you see the

devil. But it starts with you. Go to CBD lion.com right now, pressing code Joey, your joint and get 20% off. And I'm going to give you 20% off on the Delta H2. You know how expensive those motherfuckers are. So go to CBD lion.com right now and get the party started. I want to thank the freeze pipe. I want to thank CBD lion.

I want to thank better health, manscape and blue shoe for having our back this week. But I also want to thank you motherfuckers for being solid. Stay black. Have a great week. Hopefully I'll see one of you tonight at Uncle Vinny's or tomorrow at the stretch factory. If not, I'll see you next Monday. Tip top motherfucking magoo. Stay black guys.

Have a great week.