Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #183 - Joey Diaz, Gabriel Iglesias, Martin Moreno and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 5, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by comic Martin Moreno, and the one and only Gabriel Iglesias or you might know him as Fluffy Guy. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 06/04/2014.

This show is sponsored by Nature Box where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey that's naturebox.com promo code joey and for the premier vapor pen on the market go to naileditlife.com. You can use oil and wax. Mention Joey Diaz and get 20% off of your order. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Wednesday, June 4th, the day the devil was buried at sea and fucked in the muffler. It's all over you bad motherfuckers. I hope your feet are washed

and your dick is washed. Everything's ready to rock. We ain't fucking around till they crank that shit, Lee. Wiggle, wiggle, funk with Joey Lee. Kick that motherfucker. What? Go, Lee. A little Spanish for you, Lee. Sing it. That's my boys. You hear the church of what's happening now. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Everything all right today? Who me? Yeah, you, you fuck. Well, I'm like five minutes away from not understanding anything that happened. I picked him up when we went and got a pot cookie. So this is going to be an interesting pot cookie. Two pot cookies. And you ate a quarter and I lied to you. They weren't 100 milligrams. You always lied to me. 200 milligrams. So get ready to see the fucking devil. This is

the same cookie that got us lost to San Diego this week. We're going deep tonight. Everything else, don't fucking mad. I got two great guests in the studio. I got my brother Martin Moreno and my other little brother fucking Gabriel Fluffy Eglaceous. What's happening, gentlemen? What's up, Uncle Joey? What up, Joey? I can't call it. Great to have you, motherfuckers here. Thank you. And thank you for sharing your treat with us. Oh, please. It's an honor. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got to, you know, you got to get the blood going, you know what I'm saying? Because if not, I want everybody to be on the same wavelength here so nobody's missing that nothing. What's going on with you there, Iron Maiden? I'm your bad motherfuckers. He's walking at me on

the street. I'm like, look at this guy. He looks like a young Danny Trails. Look at him with his long hair. Some Mexican de-sniter. That's fucking the axe. He's not even machete. He's the axe. He's still... I'm feeling good, Joey, man. You look beautiful. Thank you, bro. I seen your son last week. That's a big motherfucker, though. That's six foot four. He's bigger than that Blake fucking Griffin. He's a Mexican six foot four pretty motherfucker. He is a pretty motherfucker. God bless him and God bless you. You did a good job. He's always very nice and very sweet. And what's up with you, you fucking savage of love. Because that's exactly what you are. You're just a fucking savage. That's it. Like, that's it. It's over. You got, you know, you are... I got to ask you a question

off the bat before we even go anywhere. We were on that bus on that plane ride with mommy, mommy in the middle and we both fell asleep on a coming back from Tucson when you when you were sleeping that day. Did you ever have a thought that you would have a concert movie coming on July 11, 2014? Oh, man. My only goal at that moment was to pay my rent, man. That's one of the... Not even full rent. It was half rent. It was $150. The club's name was Bugsy. If people came in with a bug, they got in for free. It was booked by Rudy Moreno. Yeah. Yeah. So you know, I took home 30. Right. You took home 30 and a check. I mean, did you ever think of what's going... What's happening right now in your world? Did you ever imagine this growing up? Did you ever imagine

this on that plane ride when you were coming back from Bugsy that day? I mean... You know, the fact that I was just doing stand-up was the dream. It wasn't even like, you know, thinking, oh, will it ever get to the point where it's a concert? You know, I mean, I was just happy to be on the road. I was happy to be performing with other comedians and that was it for me. I didn't think it got better than that. I mean, a couple weeks ago, I think I saw the trailer to the concert and I just, you know, I watched it and I watched it. It's like when you're there. I was right there. I saw that. That was just, that was the bicycle club 15 years ago. Wow. I still all have your Sanchez 200 bucks. You know, it's just, you know, people, when you first start doing stand-up, you see somebody

on HBO. You see somebody on HBO and that's how you get turned down. At least I did. At least we did, you know, all the older generation. You saw somebody on HBO and you thought that he just walked off the street, walked into the club and he's got on stage and did an hour and that's what you thought and you're like, I could do that or I can't do that or whatever the fuck. People don't know what goes on, what happens, how it starts, how one-on-one you wake up and you go, I'm funny in that motherfucker. Then you tell your friends and you tell a couple friends and they say, fuck you and they got your 20 bucks. You're not going to go to a lab factory in Latino night and get on stage and you get on stage and next thing you know, you're in the back of the car,

you know, with other guys farting and you're sitting in the back seat, you're running for sodas. Next thing you know, you're in the front seat. Next thing you know, you're driving the fucking car and now you're a headliner. People don't know the journey and I want people to know your fucking journey. Yeah, it's been 17 years in the making. I started doing stand-up comedy April 10, 1997 and in that July, I think I want to say that is probably the first time I met you. Yes, because I moved here January 29, 1997 and I just remember going to Bugsies with you or whatever and then. Remember Big Alex? Fuck with the three necks. Yeah. You never saw nobody that big. That dude was massive. It was amazing. It was in his head. Remember he used to take us to eat. He

picked us up in the truck and took us to eat and then he dropped you off at this hotel that. The cliff manor in on Oracle. On Oracle and they're three done now. It's not a crack hotel no more. Oh no. No, it's like a New York hotel, stand-up showers. And you know, when you don't know anything else, that was like the greatest hotel ever for me. I didn't give a fuck. It was the best. You know, the towels were clean. They had a radio and a TV and you know, I just thought that all hotels had to have the TVs bolted. I didn't know any better. I'm like, oh, well, at least I have a TV. You know, that is crazy. I didn't think that it got better than that. They had a little Mexican place across the street. Yeah, the restaurant. I think I went down with your mommy, mommy, mommy

and one time with Darren Carter. He wouldn't fucking shut the fuck up because I love Darren Carter. He's my brother. But Jesus Christ, too cold on the plane. Do you feel a draft? We're on a plane. Who gives a fuck? Would you rather do be in a car? I feel a little draft on my neck. I have a long set tonight. But it's just imagine. And then I was thinking about the bicycle club. Like we go down there on a Thursday night. It was in a bar. It was the little, the little corner, little corner, little corner inside the bar where I guess they played music. I had made it my room. I told the guy that was running at Javier Sanchez. He says, hey, you know, if you could bring in at least 10 people, you know, I'll give you, you know,

give you some tickets. You can, you know, pass them out and I'll give you, you know, $100. You pay whatever comics. And for the most time, we were just losing money. But, you know, he was happy. It was a show we would do every Thursday night. And that was the first gig I ever started promoting on a regular basis. 35 hours a day. Probably. Yeah, like a check for 35. You got to go back to the next day. And you didn't know, right? You know, I got to get a grand, but eight o'clock. So I would drive on the seven 10, like 430 not knowing into fucking traffic. It was just, it was just amazing. I still remember doing spots at, you know, laugh factory. You like building the laugh factory or like 20 bucks or 25 bucks or something.

Not even. Well, no, no, no. Jamie would pay you those random $12 checks. $12 and shit. And you know, you sit here and you look at this. Like I've been here. I've been in LA for 17 years, dawg. No lie. When I came to LA, I thought this was just going to be a fluke. I thought I was just trying to kill time. I was just killing time to face reality. But then it became like Richard Geer, an officer in the gentlemen. I had nowhere else to go. That's it. And when you have nowhere else to go, what do you do? You keep getting on stage and eventually you're going to get fucking funny. Something's going to happen. You know, it's funny. I go to Jiu-Jitsu now. You looked at me weird when I said that to you about a year ago. Because I got sleep apnea. I got sleep apnea.

And I hate, I hate being scared of something. I hate fucking being scared. Like I'm scared of needles. Whenever I go get blood out, I bring Santana oil, come over and I put the iPod on. I look the other way and I move my foot to the rhythm. I don't like blood. I don't like needles. That's why I go to acupuncture because I want to always overcome my fears. Okay. I was going to say yeah, I fucking hate it. So I'll go to acupuncture. I won't look at the needles. I'll look down for the first two or three years. I fainted. Now I don't faint no more. I don't faint no more. That's a masochistic shit. You have to because what happens when the Russians come? They're going to stick needles at me. You got to be fucking prepared. You know what I'm saying?

You got to be prepared. You know, they traded for five foot. Now they're going to trade, what's his name? They're going to trade fucking Derek Jeter for six Taliban. Did you hear about that one? The Taliban's going to come. They're going to fuck us up the ass. They're going to be prepared. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to sit there. Can't take fucking needles. What happens if terrorists take over and we're out of shape? We got to fucking run. That's why I'm getting in shape. I got to pick my daughter up and run. So I'm scared. Whenever I get out of my back, I can't breathe. So I was talking to a friend of mine goes, why don't you go to jujitsu? God damn, I got to smell men's feet. Man's asses and shit. And I tell you, I went and

I fell in love with him, man. How long have you been doing jujitsu? 13 months. This is my 13th. Wow. And I fucking, I just started not getting scared because I couldn't breathe. So every time I go and do a couple of hip escapes, Brian, to get up, take my gear off, take the belt off, you're fucking breathing. You see scars, you know, scars. You see stars, you know. So I just wanted to overcome my fears. That's why I fucking started going to jujitsu. Just I could breathe on my back, you know. That's the reason why. What are we talking about? I don't know. This cookie kick. I'm just mesmerized by your voice. You have a very hypnotizing voice. Yes, I do. I don't fuck around. You should read nursery a little story. Oh, that's

all hysterical because I look at the every morning when my daughter gets up, if I'm home, she runs through the room, the office, and I pick her up and I got to do whatever I'm doing. I got to stop and put on ABC, you know, A is for Apple. And I'm not saying A is for assholes. I'm saying all that shit in my head. But you don't say it out loud. No, I don't call up because she's 17 months. She's picking up. One morning she's going to look at me and go, what the fuck? My wife is going to die. I told my wife, your dad, we got to stop cursing her. She's like me, you. Not me. I don't curse that much in front of her, but it's hysterical when I read her the things. Like when she's in the other day, we're at the park and some kid hit a thing and the thing

hit her in the chest and she looked at the kid really mean that she started crying. The kid was old and I looked at that little motherfucker in the back of my head. I'm like that little fucking black cocksucker. And I was, I already seen myself throwing the ball at him and hitting him in the head and the ball bouncing off his head. I had one of those rubber balls in my hand. I had to control myself. Like I'm like, I'll fucking kill you little fuck. You hit my daughter again. Because at first it's hard. You don't know, you know, you don't know. A couple of weeks ago I was at this other park and some little fucking kid was spinning and I'll say shit as I'm with them. Like I won't say it out loud. You know, like the kid cut my daughter off and he slipped and felt like I heard

him. I'm like, that's what you get, you little cocksucker, for cutting my daughter off. I didn't say it out loud, but I still say. You internalized it. Yeah, you internalized it. That's what you get, you little fuck. Next time I'm going to kick you in the fucking neck. You cut my daughter up and you can't kick a kid in the neck. But trust me, I get used to this shit. This is going to be an uphill battle. Oh, raising a little daughter is going to be your mother. Anything. You know, I went to a friend's house that has a child that's a hitter. And there was a couple of times when I almost reached across and I had to catch myself. Like I had to catch myself because he hit his sister. The sister was on the floor and he came and smacked her in the head. She's a baby.

This mother thought he just came up and hit her. My original reaction was just to smack. I had to catch myself. And after like 10 minutes, I go, honey, we got to leave. I got in the car and I was like, what's the matter? I was stressed out sitting there because I want to kick that fucking kid because the father wouldn't beat the fuck out of him. That kid needed to fucking beat, but anyway. It's hysterical, but I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about. We're talking about mine. Your baby. Your baby. That's it. Just warm thoughts. It's beautiful. Warm thoughts. Me smacking the fucking kid at the park. Little cocksuckers. But I can't wait until she gets to that age because, you know, she's a daughter. You got to push her a little bit. Yeah. As a daughter,

you want to, you know, I don't want my daughter to take no shit. I wanted to. You want her to be tough. You want her to be a bad bitch. Yeah, you don't want her to be a bitch. I wanted to be a lady, but I wanted to know that this comes a time where you have to take off your shoes and go, what? Look, here's the thing. Not exactly. What motherfucker? I hate when people will raise their kids. Well, I mean, I shouldn't talk about how anybody should raise their kids, but you tell all these little girls that there's a prince coming and you read them all these stories about the freaking fairy tales and there's a prince that's going to come to rescue you and there's no fucking prince coming. Me, you and Gabe, that's who's coming, bro. That's who's out there. I know the

fuckers that are out there. And the print. I've met a printer too. Those guys are assholes. This fucking guy, you hang out with princes. You go to Abu Dhabi and nobody eating hummus, fucking with them and shit. They throw tortilla chips. Let's listen to Mexican music. You bad motherfucker, world traveling and shit. So where are you from originally? I was born in San Diego, Chula Vista, grew up in Long Beach. That's where I've lived ever since. I mean, I moved to Burbank. No, no, no. I was born in Harbor City and raised in Wilmington, real close to Long Beach. Okay, I know Wilmington. That's the home of Gilbert Escobar. Yeah, there you go. The VFW. The VFW, the best time. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many of those VFW shows

did you do with Gilbert or even with Rudy? 20 of them. The VFW. And the only reason why I did them was because of the 50 cent tacos. Right across the street. Florida's meats. Gordon Yomeng. Those are fucking delicious. I remember I bought a black drug dealer with me one time. That's how I roll. He travels with his manager. I used to travel with a drug dealer, just in case. Remember the black drug dealer, video guy, the football player? I took him down with me one time. This guy was fuck. I would, I would take him down even when he was more fucked up because then I could front him. He would forget. You know what I'm saying? Like, give me another gram. I'll give it to you tomorrow. What happened last night? I don't know. What did I do

with all my coke? I have no idea. You were hanging out with white chicks. You know, you're giving them blow. Meanwhile, I'm taking a blow. He would pass. Like, I go to his house. Don't take any of your gram. Man, I'm too fucked up. Come on. Let's take a ride. I get him in the car with me and I smooth him up on the way down. I clip a fucking gram from him and then we get to Long Beach because he loved those tacos. Yeah. That's Wilmington. Wilmington. He'd eat fucking 20 of those tacos. He loved them. Let me come back, bro. But I'm throwing my blow. I have no idea. Like, now did Gilbert make you work clean when you worked the VFW? They always try. They always ask. You know what? I love it because you always told him to kiss your

ass. They always try. He always tries. He always goes, you know, Joey, you got to work a little clean. I mean, he won't invite me to his church fucking services. He puts on one of his pink suits and he goes to the church. You know, one time, dawg, I swear to God, I did a Navy base in El Paso, an Army base in El Paso for Ernie G. Oh, Fort Bliss. Ernie G booked it and I went with Gilbert and on the plane and I got, this is the funny stuff. I get to the airport, LAX, and Gilbert's already got the orange suit that he's going to wear for the show. The one he's going to wear for the show. It's on him. Wow, dawg. Do you know that motherfucker had no luggage? He traveled like Oscar Madison. He had socks and a toothbrush. We got to El Paso and he went right to the gig. I went

back and showed. He had his suit on. We did the gig. We were leaving the next day. When I went to knock on his door, he slept with the suit on. All he had to do was put his socks on, brush his hair, brush his teeth, and he was on the fucking plane. He was like fucking blade. What the? Because only blade would wear that orange fucking suit. You know what I'm saying? If he was Dracula, he would sleep. I love all that. Oh, shit. Bro, how many fucking stories do we have about crazy comedy? Yeah. All of us, especially Latino comedy scene. How fortunate we were that we were. Especially thinking how, you know, what level we thought we were at when we were there. Like, oh, it doesn't get better than this. Oh, that's it. That's it. That's it. It's the best.

Oh, yeah. You take a road trip to Visalia. You take a road. You're on the road, man. You know, world tour. Yeah. We made it to Fresno. Ain't no stopping us now, man. Lindsay. Lindsay. Fuckin. What was the best thing about Visalia? Those poppy chuddle gigs out there and freakin. Oh, Indio. No, Kalexico. Kalexico, yeah. Kalexico. Sebastian used to have. Remember all those fucking rooms we used to do? Sebastian had. What's the town next to San Diego? Real dark fences everywhere. It's like a suburb of San Diego. You gotta go beneath San Diego. What the heck? Fuckin. One night he gave me a gig. Yuma? Dark. No, no. Right in San Diego. It's just right before Mexico, it drops.

San Isidro. San Isidro. Something fucking scary as shit. He made it sound like a religious figure. Yeah, right? It's crazy. Like, we lost Maryland, you know. We lost Maryland. We lost a lot of Freddie, but it's funny. Like, even with Martin, one of my favorite Martin stories was when he was booking that fucking room on Wednesday nights and there was a soldier there and Martin said something about Bush and not the band, the president. But no, this was, this was at Rick Ramos's room. Rick Ramos's room. And it was like green, like they were trying to turn it into like a Hollywood bar, but they didn't know they weren't. Sapphire. Fucking Sapphire. Yeah, but you were hosting. I don't know what the hell I was hosting. You were hosting. Some dude. And you got into an

argument with him and he goes, listen, I'm gonna bring up a comic and we'll go outside and take a shit. And I think he brought me up and he went out and fucked another fucking and came back with a shirt ripped. And I'm like, oh my God, I love this motherfucker. This is my type of dude here. And after that, I need your number, dawg, because I called him every week. You beat up a dude. That's fucking brilliant. I love it. And he went back on stage like a soldier. He went right back on fucking stage. That's when I was still real ghetto, man. I can't let him do that in Virginia Beach. No. You still go to Virginia Beach? We go everywhere. We go everywhere. No, I know you go everywhere. I mean, like, yeah, definitely all the, you know, the Virginias in the DC area.

I mean, you know, we're gonna be there in the next couple of weeks at this point. Where haven't you been? I mean, you're selling tickets all over the world. Russia, Russia, Mexico and South Africa. But you've been to regular Africa. No, well, I mean, not even regular Africa. I mean, the goal is to perform in South Africa. If we could do regular shows in Africa, I'd be there too. But nothing for Africa. Joe is over there. Joe, no Africa. No lions, no leopards. No lions, tigers and bears. Egypt, shit like that. We were actually scheduled for Egypt, but it was the same week of the uprising with Mubarak. And yeah, that's one of those. I think we're going to cancel it. No. Portugal, Spain, all that. Spain, yes. Spain,

yeah. Rotor Spain. How were they? You know, it was a combination of locals and military. Okay. So it was cool. You know, the Spanish is a little bit different. They got the list. But, you know, I get a lot of Twitter followers and Facebook followers from Spain, and they're like, you know, come over here, watch your videos. And why not Mexico yet? I'm too paranoid. You know, Martin and I were friends with Santana's security. And he's always telling us anytime he goes down to Mexico, man, he takes a big security team because, you know, the cartel people and stuff. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they want to kidnap you and make some money. You know, it's funny, like you people going to Cuba from Mexico now. Yeah. People go on day trips. How fucking crazy is

that day trips? Yeah. And they won't stop your passport. They won't stamp your passport. They hook it all up in Downey. Nice. There's a Cuban restaurant. There's a Cuban restaurant. You want to Downey, you're not going to take it when somebody comes right over. They tell you where to take the fucking bike in the morning. You go to San Diego and you drive down. I swear to God, I've heard this. You drive down. They take you to Cuba by six in the morning. You're back by nine o'clock at night. How much is that? Not it's people do it all the time to go visit their relatives to bring they bring back fucking food they bring not do you got to be Cuban to go or anybody can go. They're doing it out of Mexico. You're like, yeah, and if they're not stopping your

passport, it doesn't really matter. Not stopping your passport. They put a piece of paper in it. If you want to stamp, you stamp it. If you don't, you don't have to stamp people go from Canada to I see Canada trips to a lot of Germans vacationing. Canada is in Germany. Yeah. But listen, don't believe the hype. Somebody went a friend of mine's went and they saw they said they saw Washington State apples at the hotel. But we have an embargo. So you know how life is. Yeah, you know how fucking life is. Yeah. So yeah, a little gift a little take it because remember the hotels people Cubans can't eat at the hotels. Cubans themselves can't go to their own hotels for a Cuban to go to a hotel. I have to go to a hotel

and my sister can come visit me. You know what I was reading some about there's a different currency out there that they have the currency and then they have a different currency and the different currency is the the tourists bring use it and and the other fucks can't can't touch it. It's like two different worlds over there. If they catch an American dollar, you do five years. That's great. Really? American money, but they gotta hustle. They get like there's there's people out there selling newspapers but all on the sound though. There's women. There is some big prostitution. Yeah. That's why a lot of the Germans. That's why a lot of the guys go older guys getting groups and they said they're going down there for underwater activity.

That just means they got them really wet. Yeah. You get some Cuban girl that's 18 for three dollars. You know, they suck you and fuck you till from now till Tuesday. Yeah. That's why they go down there. It's fucking crazy. It's really it's really crazy. You know, your boys always go down there. They've been there. In fact, my cousin's band opened up for Ozone Motley. Oh, okay. When Ozone Motley, when I did stand up revolution with you guys, I talked to them and they were telling me about a guy who got them weed. That was my cousin Mike. It's my cousin's band. He's in the national Cuban fucking band. Him and my sister and their parents. Their parents are really my uncles. Yeah, they're my cousins.

How fucking crazy is that? I think it's crazy that there's freaking weed in Cuba. I mean, they got everything. Yeah, but I mean, what's the punishment? I mean, if you get caught with a dollar and you go three years, yeah, they'll kill you. I mean, what the fuck if you get caught with weed? But I heard that you're really bad. It's not like what we're getting here. It's just really fun. Now we're just taking some cookies. Speaking of which, man, I feel like I'm going to eat the microphone. Are you hungry already? No, but I'm feeling, I'm feeling. Yeah, yeah. No, this is good. This is a dog. I don't fuck around. It used to be Chibo to the red, the green horn. It's they're the best 70 milligrams, but 220 milligrams of CBD's. These cookies are 200

milligrams and you see the fucking devil. I love the fact that you had to use your shoulders and all your arms to tear the packaging open, which tells you how how strong it's got to be for it to be in that level of packaging. It's like made in fucking it's that's like to make sure no kids accidentally tear that over. No, no. And that's what it says. Don't give it to no fucking kids. They'll die. Keep out of reach of children. Keep out of reach of children. Big red letters. I don't even eat those cookies in the house. My wife don't want nothing in the house. I gotta eat that shit outside. I gotta stash it outside like fucking. How you doing over the Lee? How you doing, Bubba? I'm all right. I'm what I have 70 milligrams. So I'm holy shit. I gave him 100 on

the right in San Diego. We both got carsick. I had to pull over and I'm thinking I'm going to die. This is what he didn't see. I got out of the car because I get carsick. I always get carsick. But this cookie hit me. I had half the cookie with him and I popped the chi-bochu like a fucking savage and I get to this casino. It's Harris and I gotta pull over. I mean this is terrible. Doing 90 all the way to San Diego. Doing 90 the whole fucking way. You know I don't play games. I get out of the car. I look over and there was a bouquet of flowers where somebody had died there. So it took my head somewhere. I'm going to fucking die. And these were dark roads. It was an Indian reservation. I'm dead. I'm fucking dead. I can't look at it. I felt the spirits.

I would have used him as a shield. But luckily we made it. But we were so fucked up. And last night I was so fucked up. Last night I ate a whole one of these. You ate the whole thing? Oh, I kept calling them. I'm going, Lee come over. Eat this cookie. I go, your fucking grandmother suffered in Auschwitz for you to eat this cookie. They suffered. They fucking suffered. Just really eat this fucking cookie. And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm not going to go over there. I go, my grandmother swam here from Cuba for me to eat this cookie. Your grandmother survived Auschwitz and came over here for you to eat this cookie. Each time you called it was a different family member. Your grandfather burned in Auschwitz. I was so fucking stoned. And then last night

it was the Russians who were going to come and give us edibles. See we were training for that. Now today they're giving us needles. Last night they were giving us edibles. Bro, I was gone. My wife kept looking. I mean, it's time for you to go to bed. Finally at nine, 30, I go, maybe I should get a cup of coffee and get this party started. And I go, fuck that. I'm tapping out. But Joey, doesn't the fucking weed just tap into parts of your brain that are normally dormant, right? Listen, I'm retarded. I don't know what dormant even means. Because you know, you only use less than 60% of your brain. Right. So the other part is just fucking chilling. Oh, it opens up. So when you start doing drugs or hallucinogens, it opens up those other parts

of the brain. And now you're living or existing in different realms and looking at things different, which makes sense. Two weeks ago I ate one of these by myself. I kept thinking this is the cookie that remember the week Casey Kasem was missing? Nice. I kept sitting there. Maybe this is the cookie Casey Kasem ate, right? And I'm going, this is what he ate. I'm saying this to myself in the living room, watching Wally Kazan with my daughter. I'm like, dog, this is the cookie Casey Kasem ate. This and all of a sudden they came with a thing. There's traffic on the 405, the president of Israel's in town. I'm like, oh, shit. That motherfucker knows what these cookies are. I kept saying that to myself. He knows what Casey Kasem is, and he knows that they get the fucking pot

cookies. But I love it. I love giggling. You know, you love giggling. We like having a good time. I'm just trying to figure out how I'm gonna get home. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. That's fine. There's a Puerto Rican restaurant right down the corner named Mofongo. We can make a pit stop. Mofongos. And they got Coco Rico. They got everything just like in Puerto Rico. Every big time Puerto Rican comes up here, they serve stuff like lechon and all that shit. And then they got a clioio across from, that's what I wanted my wife on Sunday, a clioio, guano clioio on Burbank across from Costco. Not bad. You get the pork chunks with the black beans and rice solids. That sounds great. Everything else, I don't, I don't, I'm 100 right

now. Lee had the chicken. The chicken was good. Lee's had the garlic chicken, the Cuban garlic chicken. Oh, that's always good. Before we get off here, we thought, I gotta talk to you about something. How strong is Chan's Dragon in? Oh, come on. You know, I grew up in that motherfucker, right? Oh, shit. Since I was 15, I've been going to get those. Those egg rolls, those egg rolls the size of baby arms. Those are the best fucking egg rolls in the world. You dip it in the mustard and your nose hairs sift out and shit like that. That's good stuff. The food is good, and that bar looks like some shit went down. Feels and things have happened at that bar. Hits have been made at that bar. Listen to me. We used to go there. We, you know,

in high school, you have driver red. Okay, we have driver red. So the teacher's name was George McGrath. He smoked camel with no filters and he had a mustache and it was orange from smoking camels. His fingers were orange and his teeth were orange. We used to call him camel breath, right? Right through his face, camel breath. Come on. So we take over the car. You had to sign up. So you had to sign in for when you want to driver red. There was no driver red with us. He did blow. We had this guy. So we get in the fucking car. We were sophomores in high school. We get in the car and we go, where we going? First, we got to stop at the liquor store. Guys, you're going to make me lose my job. God, what the fuck McGrath? Come on. Let's go get some fucking beers

to party. It's a celebration fellas. You know what I'm saying? All right, get an APAC. We got a little APAC because they were nips. Nips are seven ounce beers. Then the next thing we got to stop the fucking chance. Guys, I can't have food in the car. Come on McGrath, we'll buy you some egg rolls. You motherfuckers. And we go to Chan's in high school and get two egg rolls in the package and get staked on a stick and then and we eat them and he take us back. It was the cars that his side had the brakes on too. So you know what I'm talking about? But the best was just me and him alone. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to talk about this guy because he won't be my friend on Facebook. So fuck him. He's mad because I put a bet him with him. His buddy Mr. Pellute and we

didn't pay him. So he never wanted to talk to me again. So when I saw he was on Facebook, I hit him up. So me and him, it was like, I was like a sophomore in high school in front of Carvelling, 38th Street Union City. I'll never forget that dog. And he goes, you got me blowing. I took out a double barrel shotgun. It was a glass with two things that went into your nose with a spoon at the end. So you opened up the baggie and you took the thing and you went like this. And then you just took the two things in your nose and it went in both your bro. This is 1981. Double barrel shotgun. And I would always get fucked up and sit on it because it was made out of glass. I had more cuts in my ass than fucking. And you're and you're afraid of needles. Oh my god. It was I go home.

Why did my ass hurt? And all of a sudden next day I have a scab on my ass when cutting myself. Who was your friend you paid the bartender there to quarry chop them? Oh, Roger Holloway. We were kids. He'd go in there and go, we'd all walk in the guy's name. The guy was as Chinese as it could be, but he had like a white left name. So he would, when you go down, how you doing Gabriel? I said, ah, I thought you'd go Charlie with his name was like Charlie. He retired. Are you sure you weren't just calling him Charlie? No, I don't know what his name is. But I had a friend that when he'd go in there automatically, he just put his neck down. And my friend, my friend would go in, he'd be talking to us and also he could hold on one second. Charlie, come in. Charlie would

come over and put his neck down and Roger would go, huh, and karate chop and give him like a 20. Let me get a drink. Give everybody a fucking drink. Here's a 50. Let me karate chop. I'm dog. It was the funniest thing in the world. It was a dude that just let you karate chop. Just let him karate chop you. But we go in there. Now it's not. But if you get on that car on that road, and instead of going straight, you make the right eight minutes out of the city. So I don't care who you went in there with, you go in there with Johnny AA. I haven't had a drink or a drink for eight years. You give him a pork chop, like a rib and shit, bro. And also you put a beer in front of him or a zombie. They had those zombies with the straws that four people could drink, right? Bro,

you have a zombie in there, you get the seven-year age. That place was a parking lot. People would just go back and forth into New York City in the 80s and 90s to get cocaine and go back there. Now the way that it looks now, is it the same way it looked back then? Since fucking 1980, it has not changed. Those chairs are the same. The art are the same. Everything the same. In fact, yesterday, I don't know if when you had by, my Georgie lives around the corner from my friend's funeral parlor, Venere. Venere won the assemblyman yesterday in District 8. So you got friends in Jersey, motherfucker. Oh shit. Oh shit. You got friends in Jersey now. He won the eighth district fucking free holder. But I remember going in there with him after missing persons. Nice.

Missing persons one night were all fucked up. And the guy came over and he's like, huh, what can I get you? And I'm like, let me get a night drop suit. My friend's like, let me get something. That sounds good. And he goes, let me get a chicken noodle soup. And I fucking almost killed him. You don't know the chicken noodle soup and chance. But now they got on the menu. They got chicken noodle soup on the menu and chance now. But man, those egg rolls, that's what you go for. The egg rolls. The pork fried rice is delicious. Everything in there was fucking. We fucked up some shit. Oh, I got a picture of the pork fried rice. You take pictures of the food too sweet. I take pictures. I got a picture

of the fucking egg roll on here. That's how strong I am. I don't fuck around. Yeah, I got a picture of the egg roll somewhere. I think we've eaten there like four times already. Looking at that fucking egg roll. Oh, that don't even look like an egg roll, dude. It looks like a lot. That's a rib. A rib. Whatever the fuck it is. I'm sorry. I'm fucked up. What do you want me to show? There's the monster. Nice. She's a big fucking girl. I'm very lucky. What the fuck we talking about? Egg rolls, Chinese food, Mr. McGrath, camel breath. Who gives the fuck? So everything's good, Joey. When you were in Burbank, now you said you lived in Burbank. How old were you when you lived in? Where'd you go to high school? I went to high school,

Long Beach Wilson High School, class of 1994. I lived in Burbank for what, about 70 years ago, Martin? Oh, more than that. Actually, no, no, no. Yeah, over 10, over 10. Probably about 11 years ago. My roommate was Rick Gutierrez. Rick Gutierrez and I lived together for two years. And then I moved to the house. That's when we started writing scripts. That's before you opened up the studio in San Antonio. I love Rick Gutierrez, by the way. Rick's one of the best dudes out there. After he pukes and shit, he's one of the best dudes out there. I love Rick with all my heart. I miss Rick. I miss seeing Rick around at the club because he was always giving me a laugh, you know? He would always be mad at something. As soon as you walked in, there's no way I can just stand here, bro.

We gotta straighten these people out. You go talk to them, all right? He's still mad at something. He's always mad at somebody. I love him. He's always, yeah. He's not mad. He's just a parent. Oh, by the way, can I give a little plug for his special clip? What is it? His special comes out June 14th on what? On Nouveau TV, and then it's going to come out on Netflix. All right. It's one hour special. Rick Gutierrez, bad motherfucker. I haven't called in before the thing. He's a good man, Rick Gutierrez. Look who's calling in. Steve motherfucking Simone. Uh-oh. He's probably looking at pictures of fucking Roddy Bryson jumping up and down with a little capon right now in his bed. That's crazy, motherfucking. One of the sweetest guys in the fucking world. Is he not one of the

sweetest guys? Oh, yeah. He's nuts. He's nuts. With his little new haircut. Get Steve. When you were in high school, did you have a dream of fucking doing this shit? Man, I just wanted, my dream was to finish high school, Joey. And you too? Yeah, I didn't finish high school. I had to go back. I didn't finish either. I quit my senior year, like a Jerichoff. You got all the way to the end and just bowed out. I quit September, but then I went back in December and then I worked double hard and they told me I was short three credits. I told them to suck my dick. I took my GED before I got locked up. That's so funny. They told me I was missing an English class and then they let me do 10 book reports and give me my high school diploma.

10 fucking book reports. I went to the library, got a book of bibliographies and just copied that shit on, turned it in, I marched. It was a proud moment. That was it. That was it. No big shabang, no big fucking nothing. You finished high school though. I finished high, in the summer. Okay. How about you? Lee fucking was an honor student. Look at him. He's a savage. How you feeling over there? You see the devil yet? It's coming. Okay, as long as he's coming. When did you fucking think you could do stand-up? What fucking made you one day get up and go? You know, first time I ever got on stage, I was 10 years old. It was a school talent show after I saw Eddie Murphy-Raw and then I didn't do nothing until I was about 18, 19 and then I started watching

Comic View on BET. And every time I'd see these guys, I'm like, oh my god, I know I'm funnier than this. I haven't done comedy yet, but I know I'm funnier than this. I'm like, really, this is making it to TV. What am I doing in my living room? So watching Comic View is what really pushed me. And where's the first place you said I'm gonna go down there? Once I was able to, I mean, you know, everybody wants to play the laugh factory. I mean, back then it was always, you know, the laugh factory. Those shows that they'd have on TV were like a comedy express or they'd have a comic strip live from the laugh factory. And, you know, it was either a Bob Saget hosting or some of these other old school 80s guys.

And I'm like, oh man, that'd be that'd be cool one day to play at the laugh factory. And then you hear the other stories of like Pryor and Robin Williams and, you know, Dave, I can't think of his name. Yeah, all playing over at the comedy store. And so then it was like, oh, I want to play the comedy store. And then, you know, when people started talking about working clubs across the country, the improv is the one that covers the country. There's, you know, there's only one laugh factory, one comedy store. But the improv is the, that's the Starbucks of the comedy clubs. And that's where you want to be. That's where you're going to get paid and make money. The other ones, you're just going to go grind it. How about you, brother? When did I know?

You know what, I started late, Joey, but I, you know, I always wanted to do it. I always made my friends laugh. I always made people laugh. And then I always thought, well, I can make people laugh because they know me. What about strangers? You know, and I'd go to comedy shows, and I'd see somebody talk about like a, they do a bit about a dog, right? And I thought, holy shit. And because I used to think they were making it up. I thought it was all improbable. I didn't know that it worked out. That's what I thought. I thought, holy fuck, it's just that great. You got to know everything about everything. Like, like I really thought that you had to be informed on every single topic that they were kind of knows a set. I thought these guys just knows that shit

off the top of his head. I was taking a speech class in a shit, probably in 99. And every speech I did, I mean, not to sound like a dick, but it was funny. I mean, and I did it mostly because I wanted to keep their attention. I hated people looking at, because when other people did a speech in school, you just start doodling. You look at the window, I'm like, fuck that. I want to keep the attention on me. So I made it funny. And I threw a lot of sexual innuendo in there. I mean, it wasn't crazy, but there was a lot of sexual. I mean, I did a speech on baking cookies, and I made it sound like fucking the oven and like jacking off. I'm dude, it sounded like you were jacking off and then you were finally sticking it into the oven. And this dude came up to me and he's

like, I don't know what the hell you're doing in this class, but why aren't you doing comedy? And I said, dude, I make you laugh because you know me. He goes, no, no, no, no, I go to comedy clubs regularly. He goes, you made me laugh every single week. He goes, and you're not a comedian. He goes, everything you said was funny. You know, I don't know what you're doing with your life or why you're in school right now, what you're trying to do. But you were supposed to be a comic. And I was like, what the, and it just like, and I was in the Marines for like two months. Okay. Then you said, fuck, he's flat footed on my foot. I have an extra bone on my foot. I could I'm double joined it. I salute. I look like I was fucking around, but I can't put my arms,

my hands straight. So he thought I was fucking with him. It was just a nightmare, bro. You would take with an extra bone, man. That'd be kind of like an advantage to the military. Yeah. This guy's got extra bones, man. He could fire two pistols if he's got double. With that hand. But no, they got the boot. Me, no, I didn't, I, you know, I didn't do nothing special. I barely finished high school, went to school, Long Beach City College, but a half a semester. I took that, I took that free money that they gave me, bought a stereo in a car and then just said, eh, you know, I took the student loan. I took the student loan when they told you you could get money. That's what happened to me.

Oh man. When I got that check in the mail, I'm like, and then they said, it's alone. You got to pay it back. Fuck you. I'll pay when when I go. So all you got to do is stay in school for six credits or semester. You have to pay the loan back. I was like, fuck it. Do this to I'm 90. I'll never pay these fucking loans back. Well, you know what, bro? I paid all the loans back except the last one. I just paid it off last year. Wow. They came back 20 years later. I thought I was out of the weeds. Yeah, I thought, you know, after seven years, you were good, but no, no, they came back. They wanted nine. I think I got them down to four and they went away. So what are you going to do? But you pay for all your fucking sins, bro. They don't fuck around.

You know, when they show up, when you buy a house, that's when this credit check, something happens. They're going to find you. You know, bro, I'm a fucking crazy guy. You've known me a long time. I have known you. Joe knows me and Martin knows me. I'm a crazy guy and I love doing this podcast. When Lee and I started doing this podcast, I wanted it to be funny. I wasn't going to sit up at night and write jokes. But the purpose of this podcast was that for me, bro, they always put things out of context when you're growing up, especially for guys that are Spanish or black or Chinese or whatever. And I came from fucking Cuba. I didn't know no English. One thing, and then I was very insecure because of that. And then my parents did numbers.

You know, they were in the numbers operation. They made money plus they went to Santoria. So now, besides worrying about my language, I was insecure about that they were going to find out my mother had a bar and that people got stabbed there. And then when my stepfather shot due to when I was eight on 140 A Street, I was, I was part of the Adams family. You know what I'm saying? For Latino. So I've had all these insecurities. This podcast is a funny podcast. I had to have a good time. But this podcast is to let people know, dog, that you could do whatever the fuck you want. And if that's if you're not living proof of that, thank you. That's why I wanted you guys to come on here. That was the main reason because a lot of comedians, young

comics from the Valley, little Mexican dudes, you know, it's like when we showed up with those kids last year, Felicia's kids, a lot of kids look up to you. They see you on Comedy Central, Gabriel, and they see what you're doing. When they find out I'm a comic, they come over and they start making fucking noises and all that shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, look at these fucking little Gabriel's, you know, you know, when you meet these drunk idiots at a bar and they all want to be Doug Stanhope. That's one thing. But when you meet these young kids and they all tell you, you know, when I was eight, I thought I wanted to be a fireman, right? When you're eight, you got two choices. A cowboy. Fireman. If I tell you what I really wanted to be when I was like for two

years, you guys are going to die. I wanted to be fucking Mexican. Stop it. But not you Mexican motherfuckers. You want like the Panchovias. You want the bandolettos and everything. Yeah, yeah. With the bullets. I thought I wanted an uncle like that. Like I kept saying to my mom, don't we have an uncle down there in Mexico that I could go live with? Because that's what I really want to be. I want to be a Mexican with the fucking things. Because we don't need no stinking badges. Yeah, we don't need no stinking fucking. You know, when I wore a Zoot suit, I lost my mind. I heard a couple of years ago, they were thinking of remaking and I was like blocking that shit. You can't remake that. Even James Edward almost was like, dog, please, I will shoot you motherfuckers up.

You understand me? But it's really weird. All jokes aside, that you have done that. You've let a bunch of people know that you can do things, man. It is possible. I mean, I, you know, as a kid, first of all, I grew up with just my mom. My dad was into the picture. We were on welfare and section eight. We were living in not the greatest part of Long Beach. It's right on the border of the east and the west, which was really interesting when the gangs would meet because, you know, they would basically duke it out right there in that neighborhood. You know, that's always east side, west side. And then, you know, that was it right there on that line on Henderson in the city of Long Beach. And my mom and I, we lived there for 14, 14 years. And then

finally we got approved for section eight and we were able to get a better house, a better place to live, not a house. And your father recently showed up? My father recently showed up. He showed up like Renee Garcia, one of those gigs. I didn't know that the comedy here, you know what I'm saying? There's a couple comics. Oh, you mean Sandoval, right? No, no, Renee Garcia is from Houston. I'm sorry. That's my dog. There's a little comedian, a Mexican comedian, dog. The guy, the guy that Mike Robles was, uh, was, was grooming, I guess. Renee, he's got glasses, right? Yeah, you could be doing a show in Alaska and he'll come in and look around. He always comes in. I didn't know you were here. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know you were here. I didn't even know they did

comedy in this motherfucker. I just happened to walk in to use the phone. I heard your voice. And you're like, really, just like that. You know what I mean? Well, his phone has everybody's app on it. Right. Everybody, you know, it's, it's crazy. There's always these comics that whenever you're doing a room, they just show up during the same time. But yeah, that's what, that's what my dad did. He showed up and, uh, I thought it was going to get weird. I thought it was an ask for money. I thought it was going to get like uncomfortable and, uh, he turned out to be okay. He just wanted to let me know I had a couple of sisters in Mexico and that, uh, you know, he was around and if I had any questions. And you're tight with him now? We're not, we're not

tight. I mean, uh, you know, we'll, we'll communicate. It's rare, but you know, we do. It's, it's a lot better than it was before. Right. He's, he checks in on you. You check in. He checks in. You don't check in. Uh, not yet. You can't. No, it's, it's still two, you know. And then since my mom passed, then it's been a little bit, you know, I pushed it back even further. It's not, it feels awkward to talk to my dad after my mom, you know, it's fucking rough family. Huh? He's a mother fucker sometimes. I don't really deal with anybody anymore. I mean, I got one sister that I really, uh, talked to and, uh, her daughter, my niece. And that's, that's about it. As far as family is concerned, I don't talk to my brother anymore.

I'm other sisters. You know, everyone's a strange. We're just kind of like, that's it. They're, you know, they're, uh, people say that I changed, but I'm like, nah, did I change or did you change? You know, and then like I said, since my mom's passing, that's when everything was like, okay, you know, we were all doing this for her. And now that she's not here, she's not here. We don't have to bullshit each other. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's amazing. You have the same problem too. You know, I'm just having like a total weed moment right now. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you, no, no, no, no, it's a, this is a good thing. You mentioned where, where Gabe came from. You talk about where you came from. I didn't come from a great neighborhood.

Why us? Why? No, no, no, seriously, because you said, you know, all these kids are getting home and stuff. How the fuck did we get out? Why were we so lucky, so fortunate? Because there's people that I grew up with that, that are like, you know, more driven or, well, there's, well, they stuck. You know what? It's like some people, it's like, I, I, you know, I love, you know, where I came from. It taught me a lot, you know, but, but it is a gang area. It's a, it's a gang, you know, place and people are real proud of, of, of, of, you know, gang related stuff. This thing, it's that, it's that line we always say, that's all I know, bro. That's all I know. It's from Boulevard Nights, the first freaking, uh, uh, Cholo movie ever, bro.

Fucking Boulevard Nights. Well, yeah, yeah. So proud of the fact that they didn't even have Mexicans playing the gang members on Boulevard Nights. And this dude looked up and he goes, that's all, when you run car, you're a vario, you're a chavala. That's all I know. And I'm looking at that and I'm like, this motherfucker, that's all you fucking know. There's a lot of shit to know. There's a lot of shit to know. It's like watching gangland. You ever stuck in a hotel on a Friday morning, any town you start watching gangland, you listen to those people speaking, you're like, that could have been us. Yeah, it very well could have been. I see people, I see my, my, my, you know, relatives of friends, like people that I grew up with,

real close to them. And I see how they, what the fuck they're spelling, how they're spelling on Facebook, first of all, and some of the shit that people are saying, and you're like, holy fucking balls, like, you know, I talk a lot of shit on Twitter, you know, I don't talk about coming on faces and whatever the fuck it is. So they're probably looking at me like I'm a crazy fuck, but I'm looking at them like, at least I'm enjoying my fucking life. What the fuck? At least I got a fucking dictionary. You know, dude, it drives me crazy. But it's like, it's like, we're no different. But how did we get, because dude, it was crazy where you grew up. It was insane where Fluffy grew up. You didn't have a dad. He didn't have a dad. My dad was loaded half

the time or most of the time, but we still managed to fucking, you know, come out okay. Some people come out okay, and some people get trapped. What is it, Joey? That's the moment I was having. And also the level of opportunities that are available back, especially, you know, back then. Yeah. You know, so yeah, it is, it's crazy, you know, how us and why us. Dog, for me, I've been trying to figure out this question I finally got. And I'm gonna tell you guys the truth, what it is. You know, I tell stories, I tell stories about waking up next to a piece of dog shit. I'm doing coke all night, you know, for years. You know, it was food, coke, and whatever the fuck I was doing for 30 years. But I tell you, whenever I got really down,

I would always go back to my mother. And I would always answer like, well, she didn't come from Cuba for me to be doing this. And how would she feel today? Wow. How would she feel today if she knew what I was fucking doing, you know, if she was looking down, you know, and that always. So the mother figure is the biggest influence. Anything, bro. I just had this thing inside of me that this was not going to happen to me. This was I can't let this happen to me. I went to prison. I don't want to let her down. I was a fucking bagel chef in prison. And I almost blew up the thing one day. So they made me the stock clerk. And you know, guys, you know, I was in there and once you were at, listen, I had a guy at gunpoint begging me for his life when he had a handcuffs

on. You understand me, bro? When I went out to that car, I didn't know what to feel. But I know this was not what I wanted to do. And one day you make a decision and you look at your cousins or your friends from the neighborhood, and you go, you know what, I might not want to be a fucking doctor. But I know I don't want to be one of these motherfuckers as bad as that sounds. That's how I looked at it. I just know the people I don't want to be like, like, that's it. This is not what I want to be. And not everybody in there is crazy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But there's but there's that that that handful of people that are just like, holy shit, you're never going to get it. You're never going to get it. And people get stuck in their lives and they look at from a

different perspective. You know, bro, people look at us and go, do you remember when you were first starting fluffy? Your first three years and you were broke. And people look at you and go, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know, what the fuck was wrong with us? You're right. What made you get up one morning and say for five years, I'm going to fucking starve. Yeah, because we are in this room. We all starved for five fucking years doing this. You've seen it, Joe. You've seen it. You know, you fucking starve doing this. You go from hand to mouth for a couple of weeks or then Sebastian takes away 25 bucks, right? You fucking come into 50, but I told him that at the Christmas party one year, I think he got mad at me. I was I'll load it. I said, fuck you, Sebastian.

I remember driving out to Chino. You told me you were going to give me 50 bucks. You know, I had a big ass truck, bro, a fucking eight cylinder fucking truck. I was driving to Chino in from Carson. This local gave me 25. My cell phone got built at Disconnected. Bro, I'm fucking 30 years old going through that shit. Please. What the fuck? But I didn't get into comedy until I was 30. 30. So at 35, I was dying. You know, when I felt like at 35, I was fucking dying. I had abandoned every credit card again. Yeah, every time you take a fucking student loan, they send you another card. I had discovered card. Oh, I had those bitches on the road check. I had those months because they used to send you checks. In those days, they would send you a card and a check. But on a Saturday

and Sunday at the bank, they couldn't check, they couldn't cash, they couldn't check the checks. Oh, to see if they're legit. Yeah. So even if you were over the limit, I'd be a fucking the hub on Saturday night, cat banging those motherfuckers out every Monday morning. 901 Mr. Diaz. Bring that check back immediately right now. Fuck you. That thing is gone. That thing is gone. Gone. Don't call back here. And the next Monday they call again. Did you catch that they gave me like four of those? I held on to one. I figured out as a comic how to get cash advances off American Express, I would have to borrow five bucks from you to get gas and go to a casino in Colorado. And then the guy would call in because casinos always get your bump cash, whatever that.

If you need money, watch a casino, go to work, motherfucker. Yeah. If you got $30 on there, they'll get $27.50 for you. Those casino bitches, they don't fuck around, Jack. So it's no, it's very, I always think about it every day, how fortunate. And I know that you didn't come from no fucking wealthy family, nobody push it. I know you didn't. I know lead it. And I know my parents had money when I was growing up. When my mother died, I got the plug pulled out. And that's almost the same thing. It's even worse. Having it, you know, going from having your own room, having your own TV, your own cable box, your own air conditioner, your own carpet, my mother would bring up the food to me like a prince, you know what I'm saying? To sharing a

room with two dudes, farting, scratching their nuts, no air conditioner, a fucking dog. You know, it was when my mother died, I sat there and I was waiting for the fucking who would offer me that out. Like, you know, so, but it's just imagine fluff, statistically, we're not supposed to be here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I did I did. Did you like it? You know what for the time it worked out for me it did because I was stressed out a lot I mean it just I had no responsibilities I didn't have a

worried about worried about I didn't have a son I didn't have Hands there's nothing it was just it was just me. You know, and I wasn't drinking so that was my the release. You're not a drinker now. Now you're. Yeah, but I don't smoke. No more that's it that's over. I gotta save the throat. That's the mama. That's the money maker. That's the envelope. Yeah, that's the

And now you got this movie coming out, which is This is the plateau and this was taped We did this earlier this year February February 28 at the SAP arena across the street from the improv Caddy corner San Jose. No, yeah with a shark's play Wow, so I mean it looks fucking beautiful. It was a lot of fun to make and I Was excited. I mean just cuz you know, so Martin I go I think it's legit to say that it's the first time a latino has been put in a platform like that as far as a

Comedians concerned to be given that level of stage And an opportunity So for me, I just want to make sure it looked it looked the best and it was the best stuff that I could put out And what do you feel like did you like again? Did you ever? When we were fucking around doing K logos? Oh With Mike Robles, yeah, but you think of a show like that. Listen when we moved to this town What's the what's the fucking what's when you sit down with your manager? What do they say to you? You're gonna get good economy. I'm gonna put you in comedy rooms

You're gonna either get a deal. You're gonna get put on the show. You're gonna do let him in the leno Yeah, well that was a plan back then if you're a manager, that's all you needed to do I'll get your letterman or I'll get your leno. Let's come on. Let's get your development deal If nothing else, let's get some money for that, you know, try to get you a sitcom But maybe it's in the movies up a door for you K. Locos was Was a cable show that ran I want to say what like five years, maybe yes It was it was produced by a comedian named Mike Robles Who you know, yeah, I give him as I give him his dues

He put me on that show. Yeah, he put me on that show and he highlighted me every chance He could in commercials and you know all the different ads that they had on so I own quite a bit that show plus the fact that if you have a Show that they're running basically what every what five six hours? Yeah, they were running They were rerunning it was the day and rerunning and no matter how many times they played it people watched it though Every time you were on it was on by your TV and you saw it you would stay tuned people would watch it Yeah, because it was no DVR is another than then so there's a comedy show You liked it you sat there and you stuck when you watched it Yeah, and of course they're running the 20 commercials in between for the tour people would get together and people's houses to watch

I mean, it was an event to watch get locals that I mean But I think people don't I mean it was it was big I mean because it really did put put a lot of people's faces up But you don't I mean that was George. I mean George was George because of get locals George Yeah, yeah, for those of you that don't know get locals was a stand-up comedy show on the Galavision Network a few years back And that that shows the one that definitely put me on the map It opened a door job. Yeah, but it also You were the fucking real star of that show thinking back how it went down

How the commercials ran how the marketing ran and they kept running you it was something that I Remember just hearing fucking Gabriel. Can I go? It's amazing You know everybody thinks the tonight show you gotta do the fucking night show and I did the tonight show About seven times before that. No Well, that's what I'm saying. That was it was not that was the first thing that was the first thing that really and think about it Got you but when you did the tonight show was easy. What I what I think was amazing is that it was on a Spanish-speaking Station, yeah, but it was in English and so everybody to it was something cool that people could tune into

But it was weird because I would typically never watch that station unless that show unless that show was on Yeah, but it's but I knew that it was on that station. So regardless of how Remote because a lot of people think oh, well, that's that station doesn't get enough attention No, if it's a good product people fucking go to it. It's got a vision still That's a good question. I don't even know if it is because I know they got the you know, it's obviously Telemundo Univision They got the Mundo's network. They got a what's a new one? Novo, Novo's a new one. Novo is the is the new CTV CTV it turned into Novo Yeah, without the man is without the man of steel

Lee what's going on you bad mother fucker over that part of Univision I guess is a party you know Is Lee is fiance is a Mexican woman. Yeah beautiful Mexican girl goes to USC law school So he's living the dream right now. He's eating enchiladas on Sundays when I met Lee He was a smooth 120-pound Now that's what happens when he got a call you got to hear his voice when he's calling me to tell me how she gave Me a care package because the Mexican mom will hook yes I'm saying and they give him a little extra more because he's the white kid so they give

Just crazy listening guys talk because she she gives an angle what it's like where they film training day and just That's what it is. Yeah, and I go down there every week and like apparently they recognize me now because I kind of stand out a little bit in Inglewood and it's It's just crazy because we're trying to get her to move out now And she's the mom's a little bit weary because like the mom's like six years old and everyone knows her there And she can walk to the stores. It's her home. Yeah, but it's like it's weird like Coming from where I came from like you think oh you want to get out of there But like at a certain point, maybe you don't like I'm kind of I'm kind of worried about that moving up here

Like maybe she doesn't want to go out of there Like it's just it's a like they found a guy Riding in a car at the L super parking lot last week and that's the supermarket. They go to It's crazy. I think I was rotting in the car. He'd been in there They said he could have been up in there for up to a month Nobody noticed the fucking car. No, they didn't notice until it starts thinking when that this happened last week See now that's nose No, and it's just but it's and it's crazy how you won't go to Mexico because her mom did the

She did like the illegal coming in in the back of cars things. She left a kid there, but she won't go back Hmm. She has a sister who comes up every six months to see them to see her, but she won't go No, it's uh, I'm all right. Yeah It's just crazy thinking about that and then I went a lot as a kid I'm fucking scared now. Now you scare me. That was my dream for years. I always thought I could find refuge Well, you know, if you want to go to like you want to go as a cancun You're okay, but they sell coke on the beach now It's one of those places where you go they're selling coke and weed on the fucking beach now, but they do that in Puerto Rico. They do

Did you see that I'm not funny you said that because that explains Martina the jet ski They said they got 14 tons of coke going into Puerto Rico and I said, I wonder what the fuck is snow on that coke in Puerto Rico You just told me there's some people on the beach So it's tremendous. I always wanted to go to I never went to Yeah, I fucking grew up there. You know what Puerto Rico has that every fucking summers that every town should have It's an area where nobody fucks with you like you go down there and that's where they have the drugs Per se and so if you want to get them you go down there and you go in there at your own fucking risk That's that's what but if it's funny you said in Puerto Rican the way you said no

No, but if you want to get there you go down But if every town had that a place where they just turn away, they don't know that it's happening They do that if every town had that then people would fucking behave if you knew that you could go down there to unleash You know, it's like the freaking the Chinese got it all figured out, bro They're fucking all prim and proper, but then when the lights go down they have all these fucking whorehouses These guys go over there. They tear it up. They get fucking rubbed wherever they want to get rubbed and everybody's happy Where's this at? I love it. Come on, man. You go to fucking Thailand. You go to say okay in those countries I don't got no passport

Nowhere I can't go fucking nowhere You go to Singapore in the daytime. You can't chew gum on the street You can't chew gum on the street you get busted for chewing gum on the fucking chewing gum you gotta have your shit together There's cameras everywhere, right? But there's an area in town where you can go and do whatever the fuck you want and nobody's gonna fuck It's called Englewood, you know Dying a car in a restaurant. No one will know Nobody will fucking go cooking your own car

Now how long you're married now now the word You married no you gave that fucking shit up We tried it twice, bro Drag me to the second one You made me perform this early morning. Yeah, they started I had to become a certified. They started a corporation together. They were selling shirts or someone doing that called them dog It's tough being married. She's done Joey, I forgot where the fuck I went. I think when I went to Puerto Rico

He called me up. He goes. Hey, I heard you found a wife in Puerto Rico. You're not coming back. You don't want to grow old alone He's clowning me on all this shit. Every time he saw me as soon as I got Divorced I want to die alone Nobody wants to die alone, but you know He was telling where he was going through that that phase We all knew I told him don't do it, bro Don't do it. There's some people who could get married and cut the I couldn't do it at 20 I'm driving when I was a young man. I failed that now and you get old you got nothing to lose

You like fuck I want to swing dick no more. I'm sorry. I already had chlamydia. I got a blister under my tongue For years, I had a blister under my tongue Every night when I ate pussy, I just popped it the morning. That's it. I didn't know what was in their hands Some chick came in my face one time and I always got that blister I didn't give a fuck how I got it. I don't give a fuck. I didn't I wouldn't go to dr. Sifl. I didn't go I Swear to god you ever have a chick how pussy explodes in your mouth. It's tremendous You don't know what you would see but then I would just go over there and tell us I'm just gonna eat your pussy

And finger banging on you to come in my mouth and they would just shoot her and I just I was like a kid in the water And I love that I love when she came in my face I love it. It's tremendous, but then I got that blister under my tongue. I didn't know what I was from but I ain't gonna tell Hey, you gotta it's a you got a hell of a memory though, bro. Doug. That was a long time ago. You always remember all your Does it keep coming out? No, not anymore. No, that was 20 years ago. I was eating that chick I don't even know what she is. I tried looking for on facebook like a year ago You ever think of a name when you're driving on the 405 you think of a chick that stuck a tongue up your ass

You're like that filthy bitch And then you try for like a week you can't think of a name and you're on facebook putting her first name and you're sitting there That is I'm gonna figure this fuck I'm gonna figure this puzzle out And that one day when you leave the detective you fucking think of the name. Oh my it just comes to you And you go home and you type her in and she's done Like she's just done like you could tell she's been through the gamut. Nah, that's it. She's done

She got three kids. They're all different national She's got a tattoo on her neck I love it. The ears were rough. Oh my god. It's fucking hysterical. It's fucking craziness Martina you in this film? You know what? I do a little cameo on the film. Absolutely. Do we have a lot of behind the scenes in this? Is it really there's a there's a film upfront? There's a film about a six-minute movie that's that plays it before I hit the stage

It kind of tells the story about how my mom and dad met And there's certain people that get to play certain characters in that in that sequence It's a great. Yeah, I got let's I'll tell you watch As far as comics go I got martin in it Alfred robles is in it rigutieres is in it armando cosillos in it Tommy chang is in it Ron white is in it Gina brion Gina brion

How many comics was that? Shit, that's at least eight more. What about Ivan? Yeah, I I didn't want to be the movie. I even don't got a cameo. Yeah, I don't got a cameo. You don't throw a sad card You've got level two insurance now. I'm gonna get him insurance He wants a sad card Just to pull it out. Just to pull it out. I got a sad card and shit. It don't get you thick and shit All right, so after the movie comes out, what's next? Well, uh

I guess depends how the movie turns out, but I'm already scared to be fucking great, bro The movie's gonna be great. You have fans All over the world, you know 20 years ago. I go see all these comics and There was maybe two comics that when you left there you felt really good. It was like you did a drug You know, one was Pablo Francisco years ago You know years ago 20 years ago when you went to see Pablo you left there and your fucking head was buzzing You're making noises and jumping up and down and turning purple. You don't know what the fuck is going on Doing to a tear boy, you know that's shit. The Seinfeld in spanish

When I first went to the laugh factor, I came to showcase for Ctv for the latino laugh festival in 1996 And I saw Pablo up there doing the cast of Seinfeld in spanish And I almost ran out of there like i'm like i'm coming down here with pussy jokes You're fucking crazy. This is talent, you know But uh That's what you've become When people go see you bro fluff, they leave there and it's like they know you like they hug you

You're the guy they want to feed You're the guy they want to you know, it's amazing what you've done And yes, you've reached the highest The highest the highest with latino comics. It's a fucking It's you know, joey, you know, you know, what's crazy is that leaving the show I'm out there when the people are leaving. It's like they're leaving disneyland. Yeah, they really feel like they went It's that I mean you think you go to a comedy show It's it's you think you just left disneyland

And it's you know, and it's funny because it's like, you know, you mentioned latino comic, but holy shit I mean as far as a comic period Just it's it's huge. It's fucking big. It's uh big props, bro Thank you. Like I said when I when I see different kids, you know, I gotta go all these kid things now And my wife will say, you know, he's a standoff Well, my wife will tell the lady and the lady go he's a standoff comic and right away the first person to ask me to You know, fucking fluffy. Yeah, and I'll sit and then they start, you know jumping and whatever And I'm like thinking of myself imitating richard prior

When I was 10 like I was imitating you're watching richard prior at 10 Dog I went to a kid's house. That was Puerto Rican. We used to play basketball and he had a brother who was a junkie And we had like the Beatles on you know, like when you listen to the Beatles you can tell like this is jamming And this motherfucker was sleeping drooling with heroin And he's like, what the fuck you little motherfuckers listening to And we're like the Beatles we thought we were cool and he just took that shit off and he put on richard prior The niggas crazy when richard prior meets dracula And my head almost blew up, bro. It almost blew up as an american as a cuban as a young boy

You know, hey, man, what's that? What's that dirt on the back of your neck? You a filthy little motherfucker to all that shit Almost made my head blow up at that age. I know it backwards and forwards This time in the mornings. I'm getting dressed and I'll put that on youtube and I'll break into tears Wow, because that's my childhood. That's what you're gonna do for these kids, bro 20 years from now, they're gonna listen to this and go wow, this is the guy I listened to Well, this is the guy that inspired me to do county, you know My hats go off to you, bro. Plus I gotta tell you a story

Real quick, you know how me and lee met You haven't any fucking idea. You think I just met me. This is the nicest. I didn't even know you knew him I thought he was just the guy that worked the bus This is one of the nicest fucking people you ever meet. One of the nicest jewish fucking people you ever meet is the real deal He's bagels That's my brother, right? That's my little fucking cuban So I got nothing going on in my life. I go over to this fucking car dealership

Right down the corner when you guys both passed the ford not the Nissan across the street before I go in there and I tell him I want to sell cars And they say to me, what are you talking about? I want to sell cars one guy comes over because dog went in the longest yard I go, yeah, he goes, what are you doing here? I want to sell cars. I'm gonna apply for a job I had a plan I moved to the valley I didn't want to go back on the road no more I just didn't want to go in the road no more I just wanted to do movies and I was going to do comedy locally

And I was just going to live in the valley and kill this motherfucker out I wasn't doing coke no more. I hadn't been doing coke about three years I was just smoking pot. I was I had just lost the weight. I would walk around Every morning. That's what made me go into the fucking ford dealer and they said, you know what we'll give you a job You got to pass the drug test. Boom. I got a call one day that you're doing stand-up revolution They tell me that I failed to piss test which I knew going it and I don't know nobody who's clean So it's like, you know in the old days you could have somebody piss for you and whatever I do stand-up revolution You're very nice to us. You give us a bag. You give us a fucking cam a bloggie

I don't know what I'm gonna do with this fucking blog. I thought that if you pressed it it went right to youtube No, now I gotta download this shit. I don't know and this poor kid hits me up on facebook and he says I'm an editor And I'm looking for shit to do so I said listen how about I get a camera And I'll tape the bloggy during the week and I'll see you monday's and I'll give you hundred dollars a week and you edit it for me And we put the tapes up in youtube and that became my flavors world And from there we shot a documentary which we were going to shoot with the fucking bloggy until this day We still have the bloggy we just shot in the fucking august So all this is because of you

In a way because I wanted to do something with that camera People had given me cameras before and I kept saying i'm gonna do youtube videos. I'm gonna do this I wouldn't do nothing with them I wouldn't fucking do nothing with them and finally I go this kid gave me the best luck in the world. This kid's on fire It didn't take a fucking genius until you were on fire. I wanted to do something with this energy I met him and this is how this whole thing started. He talked me into the podcast We did a documentary. You saw the documentary with my mother. That was him. That was this fucking lunatic We took a plane to new york. I got him to chance. He bumped into people. I stabbed it was fucking

Give me the banana bread the entire shoot the entire shoot. I had him all fucked up So this is the energy that you spread. I don't know if you knew this story So from that fucking bloggy, which we still have it's got dents in it Bumps, I will never give that up. They're gonna bury me. That's gonna be in my soup Bucket on the right I still got that fucking bloggy. Wow, and that was your energy this whole podcast because from there I did I was still doing the podcast with felicia, but this whole thing. He's the one that said you got to do a morning podcast And this is how this started brother song. That's amazing

I'm happy brother. You called me today. I know you got other shit to do I'm very happy. You just dropped in and said hello and spread And broke my other brother with you this fucking savage. I'm proud of him, you know I got to call a couple weeks ago and agent's gonna sign him and shoot He's got shit going on. He's got a hair deal. He's got a hair deal. No, no, no Every time I see him, he's got a new hairdo. I thought it was uh, he's mexican. Now. What is it? I am maiden at the snider run to the fucking hills Run is that him run for the hill? Yeah, that's the first

After first album without paul diana. Yeah, we fucking think you're dealing. You see what paul diana looks like now No, he's bigger than me bald. Are you serious? He's still fucking all right child. I'm acoustic hit it on youtube It's talking paul diana You know what bruce dickinson was a fucking genius when he saw iron maiden He said these motherfuckers can go to the top, but that's not the guy to take him to the top That's amazing. I can take him to the top he Punked himself into the band and took the yeah Bruce dickinson was a bad motherfucker because everybody says iron maiden with paul diana was great. It was great

but bruce dickinson Just made it fucking Arena great You know, he was just bigger than and he's still if you ever see bruce dickinson perform That motherfucker will run up and down the stage. He's in his 50s. He's jumping on speakers I mean you gotta be in fucking shape to jump on speakers. Wow this motherfucker still putting on a fucking show Gabriel jumps on speakers Fuck you kid. Fuck bruce dickinson

July 10th, we'll see him jump on July 11th, July 11th, he's doing circus desole. He's a fucking savage He's like fucking packy out You know what packy out goes to box afterward. He fucking goes to this karaoke Gabriel does vegas. He goes and does fucking circus desole. No They put a mask on him and shit Listen man, I love you for doing this. I wish you All the luck. You're my little young brother

You know, you want to reveal a secret to these people about us? Oh, by how far back we go? No with the virginity All right, look Tell these motherfuckers. Yeah Tell the girl when I brought it up. I'm sorry. I love it. It's is way before. Yeah All right, so I guess the year was 1997. I just turned 20 21 and uh We're uh

We're in phoenix, Arizona. Tucson. Oh, yeah Tucson, Arizona. Sorry, which let's let these people know there's tons of dirty bitches in When you fly into Tucson, they give you a condom and a needle and shit with a syringe That's where I got the pimple under my tongue. I think it was in Tucson so break it down from I'm sorry, didn't I? All right. All right Yes, it was the it was the summer of 97 we're in Tucson, Arizona playing at buxies and uh, you know, I've met someone there and uh Something happened that night. It was the first time it happened Now as far as how dirty you want me to get enjoyed. I won't do it

Just tell you bang to that's it. I don't need to tell me you stuck a finger up her ass So she stuck a finger in your ass. You know the deed happened man. It went down But here's the thing is that what you didn't say nothing the next morning like you want you were still in shock Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, I was in shock for a few reasons Uh, so I go to met her Yeah, the cookie the cookie. Yeah, the cookies. This is tremendous. I ain't fucking around with nobody You know make me forget the you made me forget my own virginity do that's how good that cookie was No, I'm telling you this is the real deal

Joe you should have had a fucking cookie would have put you over the top You and look at what are you gonna this cleanse ain't gonna do nothing to you now That cleanse is gonna melt in your fucking stomach. How's that cookie feeling? It's amazing, bro Let me give some shout out to get the fuck out of here. He's gonna call you like 45 minutes and I and like talk to you about black Sabbath and Desmond's and why your family came from mexico. Oh, what was the outline? You had the driven outline for the show? I just try to fucking write things down So I remember Shane Quinlan, Justin munk mad buffer rob dub told lady red

Whatever your fucking name lady ran a coin. You know what I'm talking about. You know Yeah, rain the coin She wanted to sniff your ass. She even said it Whose asshole do I have to sniff to get a shout out and I said Lisa yet Lady ran a coin Tiago gara and aris a bar port of rican dude bad motherfucker telling the whole story though I had to have like 10 pounds of hummus or something. No, listen, don't worry about 10 pounds of hummus He hates hummus. I'll bring it up and he just he goes into a panic attack that ranch

And what was the thing we found out in the live podcast? So soy coffee. So I'm milking your coffee. What the fuck put regular milk I was just gonna change your life. You know what I'm saying a little fucking just regular They all want to be different. I'm enjoying my milk. Listen. How about I fucking stab you hold on I'm about to shout out the on it for all your fucking health needs If your knee hurts strong bone If you want more cardio get some fucking shroom tech So yeah, the one I take for jiu-jitsu keeps me fucking sometimes Sometimes I'll leave jiu-jitsu bro. My heart's fucking pumping. I gotta go home and calm down

That's how good the shroom tech sport is if you're looking for some more fucking cardio I mean I stopped smoking dope. So I got more air in there. You know what I am? But the fucking car the shroom tech sport really takes it to a different level. I'm fucking stoned To the gills go to honid.com. See what they got. They got the ropes. They got the kettle bells They got the fucking alpha brain go over there pressing church in the box c h You are c h. I hope that's how you spell it knock yourself out also Nature box the healthiest fucking snacks set to your fucking house. No drama. You understand me the fucking male knocks boom

There you get your body and I ask them questions nothing You can order the pistachios. You can order the sesame sticks. You can knock yourself to fuck out my favorite The cocoa almonds. Tell them leave that bad mother fucker. I never get this one. Shut up cocksucker. I knocked on your door You weren't home Banks you really the pumpkin seeds. Yeah, you like that shit. You like hummus. God keep eating that shit They're gonna fucking take you over there and butt fucking in the muffler And do the hummus with chips. You know who the Taliban I'm scared. Look you're gonna keep fucking around with those people

Nature's box go to the box pressing what joey joey joey y nature's box get 50 off your first fucking order This is nutritionally approved snacks. I ain't fucking with you. They're fucking tremendous when you're stoned I ain't gonna lie to you nature's box nature box.com tremendous nature box the fucking nature box.com the fucking pistachio Spicy pistachios, but the the almonds and cocoa fucking trim and everything's natural dog. I ain't fucking around with you Nailed it life if you want to smoke wax Nailed it life if you want to smoke the fucking vapor nailed it life if you want to smoke crack go fuck your mother nailed it life Tremendous go to nailed it life.com. Tell them uncle joey sent you get 20% off your fucking first vapor pack And that's how we do it dog. You know, I ain't got time for fucking fun and games

This week soak lake city next week governor's tuesday thursday friday saturday. That's it. You want to plug anything my brother? Ah, shoot. Yes. I'll be in san diego. What date uh the 26th of june What club american there you go american comedy club nice fucking place. They got pork chops go down there Tell them i came around on uncle joey sent you you They know Let's go to live nation. It's him and woolly nelson Fucking summer you take july off still. No, man. Not this year that game is done Not this year actually the next for the next month. It's uh, it's just you know talking about the movie

She's not traveling the next month. No, I'm traveling the entire month going all over the country, you know Doing my runs To let people know about the movie. So I mean it's it's time off, but it's not time off You know it's time off from performing But it's not time off from the traveling and the staying in the different cities and the you know Just getting up early and getting out there and then letting people know what's going on I love you with all my heart and you know that if not you wouldn't be here sitting out, you know how much I love you You have all the respect in the world. I would wish you all the luck in the world

You know this movie's gonna be tremendous I I assume i'm going to premiere. I'll get you to the Fuck me. I wear a suit like a mother fucking shiny shoes. I'll sit next to my wife like a doctor I'll watch him all night. He can't eat no fucking cleanse I love you. Thank you very much for listening to the church. See you monday. Have a great weekend. Thank you martin Thank you joe for bringing them up flying you. I love you cocksucker. How bad was the cookie that I lied to you? Yes, you're high, but you could you're manageable. Well, yeah, because I ate like 75 milligrams. That's right. You got a beautiful shirt on Look, you see how Jewish you ate 75 milligrams not 73

How many I don't know like three quarters of a half. I love you cocksucker You're a savage you bad motherfucker. Look at you wiggle for them put put missing persons on wiggle for them Little me. Are you gonna give him a shout out? Huh? You're gonna talk to these people about I was going to but yeah Give him a little shout out. Yeah, you bad motherfucker. You're looking just solid You're just lost with the way to san diego by the way. I don't give a fuck. Don't worry about san diego It's you now you want to talk about san diego a week later What are you gonna bring up the Malaysian blame now? Just read the fucking thing Now that the show is over remember to go to naturebox.com in order great tasting

at least snacks at 50 off Snacks smarter in the new year I just go to naturebox.com promo code joey naturebox.com promo code joey and thank you to nail that life Imagine joey Diaz and on it On it's not part of the seven. Yes. They are today. They are okay go to on it dot com on it dot com promo code church good together The ocean you little wiggle for a camera. Oh shit. What what? Oh Oh

Oh Oh To me Oh You