Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #184 | CHRIS CAMOZZI | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Thursday, July 28th…. Today we talked with MMA Fighter & Brand Manager for FitSoda, CHRIS CAMOZZI… www.instagram.com/chriscamozzimma www.instagram.com/fitsodas www.fitsoda.com This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew, Stamps.com & DraftKings… BLUE CHEW Support the show and receive your first month free at https://BlueChew.com with promo code JOEY DRAFTKINGS Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $100 in free bets when you spend $5 on UFC 277… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. STAMPS.COM Go to https://www.Stamps.com Use Promo Code: JOEY for a 4 Week Trial, Free Postage & a Free Digital Scale!  Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #ChrisCamozzi #FitSoda The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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I got a lot to talk about. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Thursday to 28th. Sorry about this week. We didn't put a podcast out on Monday and Wednesday. We switched it up to Tuesday and Thursday because we were busy. It was the fucking weekend. We're out there doing things.

But anyway, it's a great motherfucking day to be alive. I don't know if you guys saw it yesterday. I put the tickets up for sale for my residency in New York City at the Sony motherfucking theater. The first one kicks open September 17th. I got to be honest with you guys. I'm a little fucking excited when I saw the poster. That's not going to be the real poster. But when I saw the poster, it made my fucking dick hard.

I'm happy I could do comedy. I have to get on planes and I have to deal with 20,000 people. What a bullshit. It's exactly what the fuck I wanted. Today, we're going to talk a little bit about planning. When you have a career, I had no fucking planning at all. I did what I did. Yes, there was a plan, but I never put a time window on it.

The reason why I want to talk to you about this today is because I was talking to our guest, who you'll see later on on the fucking Zoom. And we were talking about the window. That is whatever you decide to go in. I recently found out recently a couple of years ago that the NFL running back the average career span is like three or four years or something. Like that they get hurt. But then you see like Walter Payton's and all that shit and people have lasted dozens of careers, you know, eight years, nine years, 10 years. Anyway, and it's just so weird how I wish I would have done things differently as a comic.

Even though, you know, things happen the way they did. Sometimes I'm like, fuck, I wish I would have had. If I would have had an income coming in the daytime, I wouldn't have done the desperate things. I did it at night. I'm going to tell you one of the most desperate things I fucking like there was one Christmas after the Sopranos guys. I think it was the Christmas of 2007. I had just gotten off a coke and that December, you know, it was like any other December. My career only worked in September and December.

December for me in the film world is fucking tremendous. You know, what I would do in fucking December in September, that was my one too. So what was I talking about? I don't even fucking know that vapor pen killed me. So this one December, you know, I always figured out a way to pay for Christmas, you know, like we all have fucking Christmas comes and we don't put shit away. And we save our Christmas shopping for the 23rd or the 24th. That's me. You know, that's how I, I didn't have money to fucking buy November or lay away.

Shit. There was nothing like that in my life, you know, lay away. So fucking, you know, every year, like one year I was fucking broke in 2002. And I went to an audition and I didn't get the part. It was some stupid thing, but on the way out, some guy came up and he's like, Hey, man, I'm doing these commercials and you're fucking perfect. I could cast you right now. The only problem is it's a non-union commercial and but you're going to make $3,000 for two days, flat pay. I'm like, you know, because usually when you shoot a commercial, they, you shoot the commercial and then they pay you to hold you in the different markets.

So you know exactly what's going on when it's non-union. They just give you a one-time shot. Now, maybe on that commercial, I kind of made $50,000. Who gave a fuck? The, you know, the reason I did all that these jobs was because I wasn't putting money away. I was too busy being a fucking junkie. Now the holidays coming. I got no fucking money.

So I had to work three days on a Mars bar commercial, but this motherfucker gave me $3,000 in cash, like in 20s. I hadn't seen $3,000 in cash in 20s since I fucking sold Coke. So I'm like, yeah, you know, you got to do what you got to do. But every fucking December, I would always nail something. And there's one year. Here's the year I quit Coke. I'm thinking fucking life is great. Fit soda, cock suckers.

I'm thinking to myself, life is great. You know, I'm clean, but my money was light for the holidays. And I, you know, I look at, listen, when you're a comic, whatever you do, you look at breakdowns, breakdowns of what jobs are coming up. I look at Casnet, I think at the time had little jobs, Actors Access had jobs. That's how I book Co-Case. I booked a couple of things off Actors Access. Will you submit yourself? I submitted myself for a soprano Christmas dinner.

I've never told anybody the shit. So I'm telling you today. That's how broke I was, guys. You know, I don't embarrass me more than when I'm embarrassed, Mike. It's hard enough for me to get the fucking words out, you know. So I had to go to like fucking Orange County on a Sunday night. I had to be there at six and there was a lookalike Paulie. Who didn't look like Paulie?

It was a lookalike Tony who in real life, he was Tony Soprano's double on the job. He did a lot of doubling for him. And then there was a Chris Maltesani who was just an Italian kid. And I was supposed to be pussy. They were going to pay me $750 for the Christmas party. So what you had to do is walk in. They gave you a wardrobe which I brought my own because they were going to give me some low-racket bracket jacket. So I brought my own and I fucking, you have to walk in, everybody claps.

You know, I'm feeling really fucking creepy at this point. And I sit down and they start talking to me and a fucking Italian and shit. I got to make believe like I know. Yeah, I'm big pussy was fucking embarrassing guys. So what you do is I think they showed an episode and then we ate some horrible ravioli and shit. And then we have to go mingle for two hours with people. And guys, that's why I don't go to Comic-Cons. Like my brother said, you're going to go to Comic-Cons.

You'll make so much money. Listen, I don't want to talk to nobody. What are you going to talk about? What are you going to talk about? When you did the longest show, you want me to wear my shirt and my helmet and live in that fuckhouse? I don't like none of that shit, guys. There's things that people could do and they're like, I can't do cameo. I don't want to do cameo.

When I do cameo, it's fucking later. You know, I wanted to take a break from fucking videos because how many videos we got up smoking dope and whatnot. So anyway, fucking, I had to talk to these people for two hours. And I don't know who was worse, the cast that I had to sit with or them. The people were like fucking asking me stupid questions and shit. And then when I go find refuge at the table, those guys were pounding me. Listen, we could do this everywhere. We could do this as a tour.

And I'm like, guys, I don't want to do no tour. I don't even want to do this. I'm just doing this for the small 750 just so I can buy my girlfriend's fucking something. I'm not doing this for a tour. The dog, he didn't stop. They're like, we should do a tour and the guy that put it together. He's like, oh my God, we should do it fucking for Valentine's Day and then for Mother's Day. And they want to do like a teen in Tony's wedding.

And I'm like, oh God. And the whole time, you know me, I'm asking them to death. And the guys are like, I'm going to give you a bonus. This is great. He gave me like a $15 bonus. But those dudes were so fucking like desperate. Like it was like, you know, when somebody comes up to you and he says, I'm Tony Soprano's body double. You know, I wouldn't tell nobody if I was Tony Soprano's body double.

Like that's me getting shot. That's me getting thrown into rivers. That's me walking on fire. I just can't, you know, I just can't. So I did that guys and I can't tell you how embarrassed I was. And the three months after that, that promoter and each one of those characters called my house or sent me emails. I don't need it once. Fuck you.

Once was enough. I went home and I'm like, I got to work a little harder as a comic. It's time to, it's time to write some fucking goodies here. Make some Joey Karate video something. That's when all that shit came up when, you know, you just shooting shit. There's nothing I did one Christmas. It's on fucking YouTube. Somebody sent it to me.

I was, it was like a week before fucking Christmas. And I got a call from a dear friend of mine. It's like, hey, Joey, we're in a spot. We hired a fat actor and he didn't show up, you know, and we need to do this scene today because it was the holidays. They need to do that. We're breaking on fucking Thursday. It's Tuesday. We need this fucking fat guy.

Listen, don't take any insult to this. But would you do this? And I go, what's it pay? And they're like 500. I'm like, I was holding out. He was a friend of mine. He goes, hold on one second. He comes back on the phone.

He goes, I get you a thousand dollars. I go, where is it? He goes downtown LA. I went all the way down there. I get that guys and they take me a guy come on Joey. Yeah. He shakes my hand. He goes into the back of these really creepy looking women.

They were all big and shit. They had blue hair and stuff and they weren't very nice. They sat me down. They go, take off your clothes. And I'm like, what? And they're like, take off your car. I'm not taking off shit. They're like, we got to powder you.

I go, what? And they're like, yeah, you don't even know what the scene is. You're playing a cherub with little underwears on and fucking. They're going to put candies all over you or something. I don't fucking know. And they got to rip them off. I mean, I'm 400 fucking pounds. And I'm sitting on this couch like this, like a cherub.

No, and I'm making all the way to the fucking thong and I'm sitting there like this. And I'm like, and they're putting stuff on me guys on the right home. I think I cried. I fucking cried on the right home. I got on. I got into this to do stand up, not to be a soprano's body double, not to be a fucking whatever. So I was like, that's it.

I got to work harder. But these are the jobs that you do to make ends meet. Sometimes you got to do these jobs. It's like you, Mike has a band and they want to play rock music. They want to play Nirvana. They want, but one day they got to call to do a wedding and they got to switch it up. Nobody wants to hear Nirvana fucking wedding. They want to hear, you know, I don't want to dance.

What have all those creepy fucking songs at a wedding now and forever? All that shit. You know, you know, fucking fucking looks that kill is not going to work at somebody's fucking wedding. Every time those guys do that, they're breaking away from who they are. And it's painful. Even if they're getting 1500 from the gig and they can split it three ways, it's painful because that's not what you set out to do.

And listen, experience is experience. Okay. When you're a third year comic, if somebody says to you, listen, we want you to fucking warm up at a strip club. You're going to bomb every show. You've been bombing for years as an opener and now you're going to bomb for sure. You're going to dread that fucking job of going down to that strip club. It sounds luxurious.

You get a dinner, you get a fucking, you get to see the strippers. Then you get down and the strippers are junkies. The state got pubic hairs on them and the fucking space, you know, but this is what it is. I'd rather do that in a comedy club or a burlesque place as dirty than fucking have to do something that I didn't want to fucking do. And trust me, guys, as a comic, I did thousands of things that I look at now and I go, what the fuck was I thinking?

You know, I didn't suck a dick. I didn't take it in the ass. But shooting me naked with the thong on, picking cherries out of my fucking neck and all that shit. That's humiliating. That is humiliating. Yeah. When you look at the check, it makes things better.

I remember I was watching DL Hughley one night and he came on. He goes, I know you motherfuckers watch Soul Plane. He goes, how do you think I felt cash in that check? I had to wear a fucking disguise to the bank. I fucking lost it because I know exactly how he felt. You know, you just do some creepy fucking things. That was the one time when I was doing a bunch of non-union shit and I would have to go there on Thursday.

Every Thursday at 7 a.m., they would pay me $500 to sweep. So it's like an ad for a bus company or something in Europe and I would be on Marina Del Rey and it would show the ocean and there'd be a fence and all I'd have to do is sweep. I would do this like sweep and do a little dance and then just stand there and put the broom down and go, and then that's it. I would do that every fucking Thursday for the small nickel. I'd have to get up at fucking 5.30. Yes.

What is it, Joey? It was a commercial for something in Europe and here I am dancing to some European music. I don't even know what it is. I've never seen the final product. There's people in Europe right now that probably hate me. I don't fucking know, but my point is, guys, that it's always great to have something that you make money. If I could do it all over again, I would have had a security blanket.

Something. Something. I would have had some type of safety net. 20 hours, 30 hours that I could fucking collect the pension. And if the comedy looks like it's starting to really fucking take off, Dave Chappelle's flying you around a helicopter, then I guess you're fucking quit, you know what I'm saying? But that, you know, it's just so weird when you think you want to be a musician or you think you, you know, it's like if you're an artist and you want to draw art.

And also when somebody comes to you and says, I want you to paint an attic, you know, and you're like, what the fuck? A thousand dollars, I could use the money. You'll paint the fucking attic and put a fucking print signature up there, you know, the fucking thing, the sign, whatever the fuck. So plan it out, guys. You know, it's cool not to do comedy and to fucking have a day job. It's not cool.

It's not cool. I mean, some of my best times was hanging out with Ralphie May at his house and writing jokes in the afternoon, smoking pot, splitting the fucking sandwich. And that's what it's about to be a comic. But always have your bases covered because you don't want to be like your uncle Joe. You don't have to do things you don't want to fucking do. And then you get there and you're like, what the fuck? You ever see like I did National Lampoon's dirty show in 1998.

Me, Rich, Brian Holtzman. Oh my God, a bunch of us. I never, when you see that, you're like, holy shit, that's really bad. But they paid me a thousand bucks. You know, I sold my fucking soul. You know what I'm saying? But like I said before, it's better than getting a massage from Harvey Weinstein. You know what I'm talking about?

I'd rather fucking do a job. I don't want to do then get a job from Harvey Weinstein. Anyway, I got a fucking guest today. How's that for you, motherfuckers? I've been talking your ears off, giving you goddamn ear beatings and shit. It's over. I had to get a guest in here. You can't put all the weight on me in the next couple of weeks.

We're going to have some more interesting guests. TJ English is coming into my lawyer's book. I got fucking some surprise guests. We're going to try at least, you know what I'm saying? But today we got Chris Kamose. And we're talking about Fitz Soda, the company he works for. And we're always talking about just fight careers in UFC. We forgot to talk about UFC 277.

They have some pics, but I did MMA junkie this morning and we made some pics on there. I don't know if I'll bet those motherfuckers. But anyway, I love you, motherfuckers. I won't see you afterward. We're going to go write the fucking ads. I'll see you Monday. Tip top, Magoo. Where did it fucking go?

I love you at all my heart. Don't forget UFC this week. Stay out. And don't forget Sony. The tickets are up. The rest is up to you. If you haven't been to New York lately, fly in. Take your wife to dinner.

I don't know. Bring mom. Come visit your fucking grandchildren. Whatever. I'm not coming to you this year. You're coming to me until February. So Sony Hall.com for tickets, $40 tickets, $10 service fee. I tried to keep them low for you, motherfuckers.

I love you. Enjoy Chris Kamosy. Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joy. What's happening, Chris Kamosy? You had some W. How you doing? I figured it out finally. I used my phone.

I knew you would. You're a fucking smart guy. It's funny. I told the MMA junkie wanted me to call in today. And I go, the time they gave me, I go, now I got to call in to Chris Kamosy. And he goes, send Chris my love and tell him this girl from this beautiful. I go, you fucking tell him. Yeah, she is a fucking knockout.

I go, both of them are fucking beautiful. You don't know who you want to swap spit with. I appreciate it. She was out here helping me try to figure out the computer. And then I was like, I'm just going to use the phone. Fuck it. You look great. How's Denver?

It's good, man. It's been hot. How long have you lived in Denver? Man, I've been in Denver since like 97. Holy shit. Yeah. Haven't left. That's a long time.

Yeah. I mean, I like this city. One of these days I should probably move out and branch out a little bit. But it's a fun city. No, no, you're young. That's a great place to be, man. Yeah. You used to come out here.

You used to live out here a long time ago, right? I fucking, you came out from Long Island, right? No, I moved here with my family from the Bay Area in California. Did you? Oh, I came to Long Island, boy, for some reason. No, I just go out there a lot and train with those guys. Okay. That's what it is.

No, I went out there, a friend of mine was big out there. Like he had settled out there after college and he invited me out. And I thought it was great, but we lived in Basalt, Colorado then, which is next to Aspen. Yeah. We moved to Snowmass Village. And then I wasn't a big boulder dude. There were too many fucking hippies walking around at that time. A lot of stinky people.

The first time I went to Boulder, I'm like, I'll never come back here. That's how strong I was against boulder. I'm like, I'll never come back here. I can see it. And then in 85, I went back. I left Denver about a year and I was headed to Colorado Springs on the plane. And some black dude was like, nah, man, you ain't going to go down there and hang out with fucking the army. You need to be in Boulder with a pussies hat.

And I'm like, what are you talking? I was 21. He goes, you're a young guy. Go to Boulder. And I fell in love with it that time. And I stayed from 95 to, I was a Colorado person from 83 to 95. Oh, no shit. I didn't know you're out here that long.

And I started Denver. I started comedy in Denver. And I got locked up in Colorado. I know that story. Yeah. So Colorado and me have a great fucking relationship. I love it there. I won't go back to Boulder because I'm embarrassed.

Do you know what I mean? Like seriously, I won't go back to Boulder because after I left there, I realized how much havoc I caused in a beautiful community. Oh, I mean, they caused their own havoc now. Oh, I know. They used one of the party schools out there. But it was fucking nuts and bold. And now it's a little bit more, my guess, I haven't been there in 20 years. Man, I don't know if you'd like it now.

It's, uh, it's beautiful, right? But there's still the hippies there, but they're all hippies with money. So they're very like snobby snoo. Right. I'll probably get some flack for that since I live right here. But no, you won't. They know it. They know they call Boulder the People's Republic of Boulder anyway.

Oh, yeah. It's its own fucking country in there. Like that's why when the shooting happened last year, I was in shock for like a week. Yeah. That's supposed to happen in Boulder. No, I mean, they're, they're about as liberal as it gets. And it's very like peace and love, hippie out there. Um, yeah, I was surprised too when that whole thing went down.

I was like, Boulder, what? I was in shock. I, it kind of bothered me a little bit. I used to shop at that King's Supers. That was, I used to shoplift at that King's Supers. That was my favorite, the seafood department. The guy would just give us food. He'd go, just walk out with it.

Don't put it on me. Cause you know, they charge you with seafood. He wouldn't charge us. He'd go, I know you guys are shoplifting. So that's a good dude right there. Good fucking dude from Louisiana. I never forgot him. You still fighting?

Yeah, man. So I haven't like officially retired or anything. I've just been on a delay on my free agent right now. Um, I left the PFL last year. I went through their season, um, did real well. And now just kind of like sorting out some options. You know, I'm, I'll do it a few more years, probably if it, if it's available, but man, the money's got to be right.

You know, I love doing it. Fighting is my favorite thing to do. Um, I still train every day, but the days of like going in there and sacrificing myself for these promoters to make all the money is kind of over. It's a fucking nightmare, ain't it man? The business side of it. All you want to do is fight.

All I want to do is crack stupid fucking jokes. Yeah. And then you look at the contracts and you're like, what the fuck happened to the jokes? They're sucking me dry here. You know, they give you money, but then they're like, Oh, you got to pay for this. You got to pay for that.

You got to pay for it. And people have no idea how many expenses you get when you work theaters and shit like that. And then they contact you for money for promotion. And you're like, what are you talking about? You're not even buying ads or anything. You're fucking putting a little flyer on your table. Yeah.

I guess it's got to be the same with the UFC. A buddy of mine called me and then he wants me to read his book. And he won. It's an expo. It's something he called the next pose on the NFL. You know, like you grow up all your life wanted to play football and then you get to the NFL and they break your balls from A to Z. You know, like the NFL likes you.

They work with you. If not, I did the longest show with Brian Bosworth and he told me they used to find him his game salary for wearing his shirt outside his pants. Yeah, they have a ton of fines. I think even if like they were the high paint, you know, if that runs down and it's not clean. I feel my buddies in the NFL were telling me like the list of fines

that those guys can get each game. It's insane. It's fucking insane. Yeah. But yeah, it's, no, I'll probably fight a couple more times. We'll see. Like I said, the money's got to make sense. It's a weird game now.

Like you were just saying it. Now they're they're like, how many followers do you have these promoters? You know, how many tickets do you sell all of this? I just had this conversation with a promoter recently where he's like, well, how many tickets are you going to sell? And I said, well, at some point is your job to be the promoter and promote the fight. I show up and fight if you want me to do both and pay me for both jobs.

And that didn't go over that well. No, it doesn't. Never does. They don't like that. They want people who just say yes and play that fucking song. But then you read through it and you start going, I work so hard. I work seven days a week on this. And I'm giving away this fucking money to these people who are just

basically pimps. Yeah. I mean, that's one thing I'll say. I'll say the best thing about the UFC is they never mentioned ticket sales to you. They don't ask you to sell a thing. They just ask you to show up, do your job. They take care of it.

They're like a marketing machine, you know, so they, they deserve a ton of credit in that way. Cause I know even like promotions like Bellator and stuff, some of those fighters to be slinging tickets, you know, and you're trying to focus on training and working and working out and not getting your head taken off. So that's just an extra step that most of these promotions are throwing in there on.

Now what do they want you to do? Go to a fucking mall and give away tickets in the mall. Try to convince people to buy tickets at the mall. Like it's people either want to go or they don't want to go. Chris. Yeah. You know, I agree. It's always a, you get in my world, it was always 60% upfront and then two

days before the show, you sell all these tickets because they make up their minds. What the fuck they're doing. I know if you call me and go, I'm playing a November 11th, I'm not going to buy those tickets to like October mid October, unless you call me and go, they're selling out really quick. Cause I don't know what the fuck I'm doing November 11th or whatever the fuck it is.

So. Yeah. I'm the same way. I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. You know, I don't even know if I'm going to be alive then. So I do it. I fucking hate making plans. I'm like, then they call you back.

Well, if we don't meet on this game, you're like, wow, let's just meet. Let's just get to the fucking meat. And then we worry about the variables and stuff like that. So you contact me if you always, you're always a good fucking dude. You always talk to me and shit, but you sent me some fit soda and it blew my fucking mind. The lemon lime and the originals you sent me with lemon lime and fucking the orange vanilla blend.

I forget what they call that shit. The green circle. Yeah. The orange cream. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. That orange cream is tremendous. I just had some more sent out to you the other day.

You should be getting that. Thank you. And then you sent me the, the cherry. Yeah. There's cherry coke, like a cherry coke, some type of thing. Yeah. Black cherry cola and the root beer vanilla flow. Let me tell you something.

The root beer vanilla float. I drink that shit after I smoked three fucking joints. You understand that shit takes it to the next level. That's my favorite. I tell you what, I think my favorites are fucking creamsicle by them and the root beer float is tied. I mean, they're fucking delicious as shit. And I like the lemon lime is up there too.

I think black cherry is the only one I'm kind of weird with. I finished them already. Don't get me wrong. I'll drink them. You know, I love that shit after you work out. But what are they for? Are they after workout, pre-workout? So it's all of the above, right?

It's a hydration drink. It's a healthier option to soda. So essentially, you know, most of us as kids drink soda and everything is full of sugar. It's full of all that crap. I mean, Coca-Cola, we use it to take acid off the car battery. You know, imagine what that does to your stomach. So fit soda came in.

Their original product was Koyos, which is a new tropic drink. Good for your brain. Got a ton of vitamins and stuff in it. And then fit soda now is the newer product. What that is is it's hydrating, but it tastes like soda. It's got electrolytes in it. It's got DCAAs in it. No calories, no sugar.

So it's a healthier option for you. Like kids can drink it. There's no caffeine in it. We're making an energy drink form, most likely. And we've got a few other ideas, new flavors coming out, but you can drink them all day long. You know, you don't need a reason to drink it. Not the other one, man.

Right here, you bad motherfuckers. God damn delicious shit. That's my favorite one. It's just superb. Yeah. Yeah. And so like with me working for them now, you know, I'm the brand manager. That's kind of what put me in this position with the fight promotions.

That's why I've been out so long is I don't need it. Like I don't need to fight. I want to fight. So I'm just looking for the right deal that works for me. That's worth the time and, you know, sacrifice my body. Like I said, so it's a good option to have because a lot of fighters in the beginning. That's all they do, you know, and so there's guys. I know that take fights just because they need the money.

It's not even a good match up for them. It's not a good show, stuff like that. You know, I see it in the gym all the time. Guys are like, well, I got to do it. Even if they're hurt or whatever. So now I put myself in a position to actually be able to choose. I can sit back and decide when I want to fight where I want to fight and if it makes sense. So it's been a great thing because they started out as one of my sponsors.

I was the first athlete they ever had. And then just building that relationship over time turned into a job. It's fucking the way it happens, brother. But, you know, you brought up a great point. Chris, when I got into comedy, if you had a day job, you were a fucking Momo. Yeah. And your job was to get good at comedy so you didn't have to have a day job anymore. And then you get to the point where you're like, all right, I'm ready to cross over.

And then you give up your job. You tell your boss to suck your dick and you go on your journey as a comic. And that's all great and dandy. But now looking at lives and how times have changed for me right now, I wish I wouldn't have had the felonies because I would have got a day job. I would have got a great day job and I would have became a weekend comic that just goes out Friday. The job would understand. Listen, I leave Friday mornings.

I'm here all week with you. I'll sell everything you want me to sell. But Friday, I go to Nebraska. You know, you don't have to be at a punchline to be a great comic. Yeah. You don't have to be at a great theater to be a great comic. There's a thousand comics that make a living on their terms. They never wanted to push the boundaries beyond that.

And I appreciate it, you know. Now at 59, I love doing comedy and shit. At the same time, I wish I would have had something to retire from. Yeah. I didn't think that way when I started and I didn't think that way while I was doing it. But I think it would have gave me a, I would have been more relaxed. I didn't have to do the things I didn't want to do those stupid fucking gigs. You know, so it's the same thing.

Listen, fighting and comedy is an art. It's an art. You know, because I can learn the same on bar from closed guard and learn it three different ways. You know, like it's an art. It's a breathing art. So I understood, I understood fighting more after I joined jujitsu. And then I mixed it all up together with comedy and I see the comparisons with jujitsu and comedy. After I get you laughing, I got to go to my safe place.

That's my closed guard. Yeah. You know, I see it. That's why I breathe. That's why I get my thing. And then you, it's the same thing, breathing. So it's so weird with, I don't even know what I was going to say. I shouldn't have smoked that pot this morning, but no, I shouldn't have hit that vapor pen.

But it's so weird how I learned, you learn from all three and I see fighters today that you know how they're going to end up. Doesn't take a fucking, you know, we grew up on boxing. You look at how some of these boxes end up. You read a story 10 years from now. They're broke. They're in a basement. They did a crime. They're in prison.

I think you're intelligent enough to know that you wanted that security and there's nothing wrong with that. And then overlapping them, you know, use one for the other because now I've got all these contacts from all over the world and helping to build the brand of what I'm doing by using like friends and stuff, not using them. But now I work with the budget and everything so I can turn around and pay friends and be their sponsor. You know, people that make sense and everything. I still have to be smart with the job, but I can use my fighting career to also propel this career, which is always my plan. And I wanted them to overlap. I didn't want to hit the end and then be like, now what the fuck am I going to do, you know? Right now I have a nice, calm life.

I'm in Jersey. It's a little common in LA, a lot common. But I wish I had somewhere to go every day, even if it was for six hours, four hours, you know? I'm like, well, how are you going to train in the daytime? Because I hate going to the gym at night. I could lift weights at night, but jiu-jitsu. By the time I get there at six, I already ate a sandwich. Now you got a second roll.

You know, it just sucks. So, but I would have done it. I wish I would have done like my friend Sam Tripoli now. He's a comic, but he also runs like a similar YouTube type page, you know? And he gets a little money from that. All that shit helps. And it's great to still stay in the real world from time to time. So, I get where you're coming from.

You're a fucking smart dude, man. Trying to be. Not always, but, you know, sometimes. Where'd you go to college at? I didn't. So I went, I actually went for one semester in Durango, Colorado. You ever been there? I was in comedy through bottles at me.

Oh, yeah. It wasn't for me. So I came back and then I just started working. You know, I started working in clubs and stuff. And from there, I got into training and everything. And then the first day I went into an MMA gym, I was hooked. The first time you got punched in the head, you were ready to rock. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I was getting in fights all over the place back then anyway. And then didn't know what I was doing, but seemed to be working out for me. And then when I started actually learning and, you know, doing Muay Thai, doing jujitsu and stuff, I actually stopped getting in fights outside of the gym because when you're in the gym, you're getting your ass kicked and you're fighting people all the time. The last thing you want to do is do that when you're having fun. And then it just kind of propelled, you know, I started working night jobs so that I could train all day. And then up until the UFC is when I quit the clubs and then just went full in on training.

You missed the UFC? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had a good time. You know, I always had a good relationship with them. They were always, they always treated me real well. I would still say it's the best run organization in the world. They take care of everything.

I know there's, there's a lot of people that complain about the fight or pay and all of that. Like everybody always wants to make more money, right? Like you want to make more money. I want to make more money. But I think there'll always be that argument. But one thing I would say is that like their health system, as far as like taking care of the fighters, if you get injured is amazing. Their staff is amazing.

Anything you need, anything you want, like fight week, they'll get it for you in and out of camp. Like they have such a big production that they have somebody to contact you for anything you need. So it was actually, it was great to fight for them and like see how professional it could be. One thing about the UFC and I, you know, I read a lot about the fight of pay and Jake Paul beating people up. And, you know, he wants to beat up Dana White and shit, you know, the whole thing. But you answered my doubts when you said something earlier. You said that when you fight for the UFC, you don't worry about selling tickets. Somebody takes care of that for you.

And that marketing machine behind UFC is what, you know, I mean, I look at some of the fight or pay. And I know that they show comparison sometimes. Like somebody said, I don't know, somebody fought in Bellator and the guy made half a million more dollars than him. It's absurd. But yeah, health care system is big. If I get hurt, I know I could do that. You could also train at that UFC fucking duplex in Vegas, which I heard is state of the fucking art. Oh, it's amazing.

Like I heard it's just state of the art. So, so a lot of people don't see that. Yeah. I do think like the fighters do deserve more money, of course, you know, but, you know, I don't think a union would be a bad idea. There's a lot of things that could change. But as far as like fighting goes, they're still doing the best. They're still on top. They're still taking care of everybody at least better than every other promotion right now.

So, I mean, there's always going to be improvements that could be made. And, you know, maybe in our lifetime, we'll see guys make in the hundreds of millions of dollars. I honestly don't know where boxing gets all the money. We talk about it all the time. The ticket prices and the pay-per-view, they invented that fucking system and the thievery and the whole, you know, Mike Tyson talks about it. But the UFC, I mean, listen, everybody's getting rich over there. I don't think Dana's doing this out of the courtesy of his heart, you know, the people. They're getting rich and they have a big nut.

That's what a lot of people understand also. They got a big fucking nut. That's a big nut that you don't see. We don't see everything. I can't imagine what their insurance bill is. Oh, I don't know. I can't imagine. So, before I complain and talk about something I don't know, I did was a little disappointed about the union not coming together.

I heard about this union starting about three years ago. And I think the fighters really do need it. But the problem with fighting and the problem with stand-up comedy is that while we're building our union, there's always one dickhead that goes around us and that'll work for that pay or even less. Exactly. There's some schmuck that's going to be like, I'll do it and then they ruin it. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, unions are given take two. There's plenty of bad things that come with the union.

So I think it'll get dialed in. But right now, they're doing well. Those guys are doing well. Having the UFC during the pandemic was the best. There were no other sports on. I love what Dana does, man. He's definitely got balls and he'll be the forefront. He's the one that built that company.

It is what it is because of him. And this isn't kissing ass. It's just that's good business. Listen, I love Dana. There's days I wake up and I love Dana. And these days I wake up and I go, fuck Dana, what the fuck? At the end of the day, he does a great job. Listen, man, it's, here's the other problem too, Chris, which you saw.

You know, the NFL, the longevity of a running back is three years. When I heard that, I almost died because you play football all your life. You get to the pros. You, you run over people in college and your longevity is three years, but not really. Then we have Barry Sanders and we got the guy from Chicago. You got all these greats that played 10 years, whatever. The same with the UFC. It's a fucking coin toss.

Like when I first went to LA, I gave myself a year. If nothing happens in a year, I'm going to stop in Colorado, stab my ex-wife, and then go to Jersey and nobody will fucking fire me in Jersey. And that was my plan. But every time I shut that deadline down, I did something good. Yeah. Get a movie or commercial or somebody would tell you, you're funny. You know, so with the UFC now, when you go into it, you got to go into it with a plan.

Yeah. I mean, I would like to see those guys have pensions and stuff like this. Oh guys, I think it's five years in, they get, you know, pension for life and they get healthcare for life. That would be amazing for MMA, you know, because the guys come out banged up. I've got friends that are retired, but they're not the same anymore. No. And it's a total.

You know, I was watching, uh, Barberina against the dude. He's 40 years old, tremendous. They just fought about two weeks ago. Oh, Robbie Lawler. Robbie Lawler. What a great fucking fight. The boxing Robbie Lawler was great shots to the head. Then Barberina came back and knocked Bobby out.

It was a great fight, but it's brain damage. Man. Yeah. I mean, both of them prior. Lawler is one of my favorite fighters. It's been around, man. He's a monster. 40 years old.

And he needs some battles. You go back, look at some of the battles that guy's been in. It's, he's a savage. You know, and that's why I love, like there's a couple like listen, fighting is hard. You've seen these, uh, these legend jujitsu teachers. Yeah. They're legends. They're great.

But if you look at them now, watch when they walk in, they don't walk that good. Look at their hand grips. They're not that good. You know, that's why I like Alberto Crane's tactical fitness. I do know. Oh my God. He's got an app now. And, uh, you know, I did jujitsu with Alberto.

I know Alberto since I shot the longest yard in New Mexico before he even dreamed. When he just had a little school and we used to all go in and break his balls. But Alberto has a jujitsu school. He's got a Muay Thai class there. But the most, the class that's growing the most is a class he's got that's called technical, technical, whatever, tech fit, technical fitness. And it's basically active recovery. It's a five day program.

And you run out to check that out. Yeah. You run at the same time with jujitsu or Muay Thai and it just takes care of your shoulders, your joints. It's really fucking dynamite. It's a lot of movement. They don't have it here. But once they do start a school, I mean, he sends me tapes from time to time.

It's a yoga mix. It's yoga with kettlebells and club bats and pull ups and weird push ups and shit. But it's an active recovery and it's pretty good for you. But that would be the plan to go into the UFC with goals, fight every 120 days, just be a fucking savage for three years. Yeah. That's what I tried to do after every fight. I was like, how soon can I fight again?

You know, you can only get so long. So I was lucky enough to be with them for, I think it was about eight years, 20 fights. And then, uh, yeah. So I was just trying to stack them up. I was thinking the same thing. I like the paychecks. So I was like, let me fight five, six times a year and just keep racking up money.

You know, I know the tickets are expensive for the UFC, but I tell this to everybody. I've been the boxing match. This is a kid, you know, at the garden, like the golden gloves. And then, you know, I've been to live football games, live basketball games. They're all great. The live experience is great. The UFC live experience is also really great. Oh yeah.

The whole fucking thing from the prelims up to the main card with Bruce Buffer. And you see all the fighters coming in and, you know, it's great. I don't know if anybody has done it. I know it's expensive. You know, I know that some of the tickets are fucking high end, but just get yourself a cheap seat and go to an event and it's fucking life changing guys. It really is. You know, I went to like, thank God I was friends with Joe those years.

He brought me to like 30 events. I would have a blast at those things. I'd take edibles. I'd be gambling in the hallways with people. We bring a bunch of singles, you know, and $5 bills. Nothing, not hundreds and nothing. Just people in the row. Just people that are sitting around you.

We get fucking around. You know, we got Alex Jones high one time. We got him fucking baked on edibles. And he kept saying edibles don't do nothing to me. Edibles don't do nothing to me. And finally, he sat behind me. I couldn't figure out why. When the chick came by, she's like, hi, what do you, what can I get you?

And he's like, what do you got? And she's like, oh, we have pretzels, peanuts, hot dogs and something else. And he goes, give me one of each because they were fucking for free. But I looked at him and I thought you weren't. I thought these things didn't get your high cock suck. He's over there eating pretzels and shit. Great time. So if you could catch a UFC fight, catch one.

Yeah. I mean, I haven't been to one in a minute, but even that, you remember the intro music? I don't know if they still do it, like the piano or whatever. And then speeds up. And the speed stop and stop. No, it's a, it's a fucking great time, man. Chris, where can people buy this soda and read more about it? Because I think once people start reading about this and they taste it,

they're going to lose their fucking minds like I did. Yeah. I mean, check out shit sodas.com. It's the easiest one on Amazon. We're in a ton of major retailers on our website. We have a store locator. We're in sprouts nationwide and a ton of other big stores. But it depends on the state you're in.

You know, you can get it on Amazon. I tell a lot of people that's the best if you got prime shipping for free. Because, you know, sodas are heavy, but yeah, fitsodas.com. You can check out everything on there, the story, all of that. We're even revamping the website. We have a lot of big things coming. We just haven't announced it yet. Where are you training these days?

I trained at a Genesis training academy here in Denver. It's in our batter actually for MMA. That's where I do striking with my coach named Jake Ramos. And then I do jiu-jitsu at Katara Training Center in Littleton, Colorado. And I also coach over there too. You're a bad motherfucker, Doug. I bounce the city all day. Well, listen, when I come out, I'm going to come visit you.

Fuck around with you. I talked to my wife about, she asked me, what do you want for your 60th birthday? She goes, we've got to start planning. And I go, I don't want no fucking party. I don't know that shit. So I go, I'll tell you what I would like. I would like to go to Colorado and show my daughter Boulder,

Snowmass, and go up to ask me, that's the week of bikini skiing. There you go. They're skiing their bikinis and shit, and they fall and the tit pops out. Fuck it. Nah, but I used to go there 20 years ago. I can't imagine now with all the fake tits that come up from Dallas. They fucking climb through the air.

One of those tits blows up and you just sail away into fucking Snowmass. Chris, I love you, man. I'm happy you took the time today, man. You're a good guy and I'm sorry we've been playing phone tag. It's just been fucking crazy lately. Oh, no, no problem. I know you've been busy. I appreciate you having me on.

Always listen to your show. I fucking love you. You know that forever. So keep me posted. You need something. Let me know. And thank you for the soda. And we'll talk.

We'll talk this weekend. Yeah, definitely. Come out to Denver. I'll take you on a tour of Livewell to massive dispensary out here. Their grow house is something you've never seen before. Really? Yeah. Livewell.

It's like, yeah, Livewell is the biggest one around here. They've been a sponsor of mine for a long time. But their grow house, the one they have here in Denver is 200,000 square feet. It's massive. It'll blow your mind. I just want to lay in the middle of it and take a nap and see what happens with all that fucking air and all those chemicals. I love you, buddy. Thank you for taking the time today and I'll be in touch.

All right, man. All right, sounds good. Black and beautiful, Tarzan. You got it. Bye. All right, you bad motherfuckers. The joint is brought to you by Stamps.com. Listen, when you're running a small business, every second counts.

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