Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #186 | ERIC ROCHA | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, August 3rd… Today we laughed with our Friend and Comedian, ERIC ROCHA!  Follow him on Social Media and his Website at: www.instagram.com/comedyrocha www.twitter.com/rochae_04 and at www.ericrochacomedy.com for Tour Dates and More!   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com   This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew, Factor & CBD Lion…   BLUE CHEW Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping!    FACTOR Go to https://go.factor75.com/joey130 and get $130 Off!    CBD LION Go to https://www.cbdlion.com  Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order!   Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #Factor #BlueChew #EricRocha   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's August the 3rd. The joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, confidence can take you so far in life. It can also help in the bedroom, but that's where Blue Chew comes in. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers ingredients as Viagra and Cialis,

but in chewable tablets or at a fraction of the cost. Take them anytime and be ready whenever the opportunity arises. Let's cut this shit at summertime. Everybody wants to get their whistle fucking licked. And this is the best time to do it. August, do me a favor. I know that you don't have any D issues or anything, but you could all use some confidence. You want them to call back so you got a sling dick heavy. That's why you got to go with BlueChew.com.

Listen, the process is simple. You sign up at Blue Chew. You consult with one of the medical providers. Once you're approved, you receive your prescription within days. The best part is it's all online. No doctor's office, no driving, no pharmacy. Blue Chew tablets are made in the US survey and shipped in a discrete package. Nobody will know. If you can help from a little extra confidence when it's time to sling dick and get dirty,

Blue Chew will fucking help you. Try Blue Chew for free. What are you talking about, Joey? I'm talking about free by using promo code Joey, J-O-E-Y. You just pay $5 for shipping. So do me a favor. Go to BlueChew.com and to code Joey for your first month for free. That's it.

Visit BlueChew.com for more safety information. Again, I want to thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the joint. The joint is also brought to you by Factor. Factor is a ready to eat meal delivery service. They make it easy to stay on top of your schedule while you're still sticking to your goals. With Factor, a quick lunch or a fully prepared dinner is two minutes away. That's it. Just heat them up and eat them. They're a lifesaver when you have no free time.

Factor also has protein plus preference, which makes it easy to power up with delicious meals with at least 30 grams of protein. Factor offers 30 meals a week. Change your order whenever you want. Choose from 4 to 18 meals per week. Pause or reschedule your delivery anytime. These chef-created recipes are tremendous. They're restaurant quality and you're going to love them.

Stop spending your present times at the store. In the summertime, let Factor deliver ready-made meals right to your door. They offer vegan, veggie, protein plus keto, calories, smart options, a cold-pressed juices, and tremendous smoothies. Do me a favor. Head over to go.factor75.com slash joey130. Go to .factor75.com slash joey130. Joey 130 to get you $130 off six boxes.

That's code joey130 at go.factor75.com slash joey130. Factor, the best in the business. The joint is also brought to you by CBD Lion. The lion is fucking getting stronger than ever. You got to try the little adhesive pads for your shoulders or your knees. The kinesiology tape. They got the cream. They got the capsules.

Any way you could take CBD to help you, CBD Lion is there. Do me a favor. Go to CBDLion.com. Read the third-party lab results. Let me tell you what. They got hemp weed that'll fucking help you more than anything. They got gummies. They got Delta 8 gummies that'll fucking knock you out.

And I'm going to save you 20% on your first order by using code joey, joint, or church. It's that fucking easy. Go to joey, go to CBDLion.com, press and code joey, joint, or church, and get 20% off, and you're going to be healthy as fuck. Let's get this party started. It's Wednesday, cock suckers. We got a guest. Check, one, two.

Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. Boom, oh shit, you bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday, the 3rd of August, the heat has landed in fucking New Jersey. It's hot today. It was fucking hot yesterday, and tomorrow they're telling you not even to leave the fucking house. I'm getting up Thursday morning, and I'm shooting right to the pool, and I'm just going to sit in there all fucking day. When you see me next week, I'll be brown as, I don't know, one of those Cubans without the SPF. Anyway, it's a great fucking week.

I got a great show tonight at Uncle Vinny's. I got a show next Wednesday. I'm excited. I got to be honest with you guys. It's really weird how I've been getting into comedy again. I ordered a stand-up comedy, the book. It's just really weird. I love creating.

I love the beginning of doing stand-up comedy. I love after you shoot a special, searching for material. You'll do like 10 shows before a fucking anything will come to you, and then when it does come, you're like, good, now I got something to write off, and then you struggle and struggle and keep writing and keep writing. Just the whole thing about stand-up I've always loved. Guys, I don't know nothing about nothing. I mean, I don't know anything about anything. Politics, the world, why the Russians are fighting.

I don't give a fuck. When I got into comedy, I studied comedy inside and out. One thing about me is, man, I like to get into shit. I'm a geek about it. I want the nuts and bolts. I want all the exercises I need. I mean, this is why my jujitsu is working now, because I'm not on the road. I'm scattered.

I'm at home. I'm controlled. I do breath work. I do a little bit of everything, but nobody really knows how hard I worked to be a comic, a decent comic. And I still think I fucking have a ton of holes in my game after 30 years, but I'm going to tell you something. It takes 20 years to really give yourself a shot at stand-up. I remember walking into the main room one night when I first got to the store. I was a bombing machine then, and I didn't know how long my career would last at the comedy store.

And I remember walking into the main room one night. It was like a quiet, ho-hum night, like maybe a Thursday. Maybe 150 people in New Orleans, but Missy Shaw was in one of the boots. And I saw that she was in, and I tried to get out before she could see me, and she goes, Fat Baby, come here and sit next to me. And I sat next to her, and I watched Paul Rodriguez for about seven minutes. And he was, guys, he was just destroying effortlessly, like effortlessly. He was just destroying.

And before I could say something to her, she looked at me, Missy Shaw, and she goes, that's what 20 years of comedy is. At the time, I was doing comedy in maybe like 11 years, and I was thinking of fucking quitting already. I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'd rather be a criminal. But when she said that to me, I'm like, well, if that's what I'm going to be in nine more years, I might as well stick it out for nine more fucking years, right? What do I got to lose? I've already put 11 in this fucking thing, and I've got nowhere. What's another nine?

And that statement fucking changed my world when she said that to me, because it made me, like, I started looking at sets as opportunities. Like, every time you get a set, like, I never, I never really, like I came from a place in Denver where you had anywhere from 10 to 14 sets a month. Like the highest amount of sets I did in all those years in Boulder was 16. And that's if I went to all the open mics at the Denver Comedy Works. I got like two guest spots, and I just did all the rooms around town. So I understood that a set from half an hour, and a small one, that you had to make the most of your sets. You know, when you could do 20 sets in a week, you don't give a fuck about them.

But when all you got is five sets a week, you fucking start working a little harder on them. And you start going, you know what, they have to work. I have to try this on this. I would do sets and not curse. I tried everything, guys. I tried everything for as long as I could. If this an exercise in stand-up comedy, I fucking did it. And it paid off.

And the most important thing about stand-up comedy is taking chances. Yes, you have to write, but you also have to love taking chances. And the more chances you start taking, they'll fail. But the more you start taking chances, the better you become as a comic. Same thing with jujitsu. I go to jujitsu now, and I train on the bottom, and I train to control or break his posture. That's it. Because by breaking his posture, then you get the openings.

That's why I always say, I was on my white belt podcast last week, and I always said jujitsu is an art like stand-up comedy. It keeps growing. It keeps improving. And it keeps changing. So it's a living, breathing fucking art. Enough. You can't read and research enough for stand-up. The only way by getting out there is by getting out there.

It's the only problem with stand-up, just like jujitsu. You cannot do stand-up against a fucking mirror. This is me. What happens when a guy walks in a bar? That's not going to work with a mirror. You can't do jujitsu by yourself. You got to show up. And same thing with a musician.

But you can practice by yourself as a musician. But that live experience, you want people in front of you to see stage presence. You got to work at all this shit. So when you're working on your stand-up career, guys, I really want, listen, Joe Rogan is an intelligent man, never been arrested, never had a problem with the law. Just he digs me. He doesn't dig me because I'm funny. He doesn't dig me because I'm popular. Me and him built a bond from working stand-up.

Our bond is not smoking weed like you people think or doing podcasts. Our bond is stand-up. He knows the respect I have for stand-up. I was a criminal all my life. I'm not a criminal when it comes to stand-up. I do everything by the book and I fucking love it. And I don't mind. Listen, the best thing is being down.

I love being down. Like right now I'm down. I'm not doing theaters and I don't want to do any of that shit. I just want to fall in love with the simple routine of getting on stage and having a great time and going home. That's it. I don't want to get to the most fun I had doing stand-up was when I was broke. But anyway, enough with comedy in my world. I got a guest today.

His name is Eric Roach. I love this fucking guy with all my heart. I met him in LA like three or four years ago and we've been friends. And I've watched his comedy career grow and it's been a fucking pleasure for me. He's my best friend in the gay community. I love him to death. We laugh all the time. We talk at night.

He tells me stories that are coming on feet and shit and I love him all. Anyway, listen, we'll be back to read the sponsors afterward. But that's it. I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning. It's a long podcast. I don't want to take your time. Have a great weekend. I'll see you guys tonight at Uncle Vinny's.

If not, I'll see you all Monday morning. Stay black. I love you motherfuckers. Enjoy Eric Roach. And we had a good time. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. He does it all, cock sucker. He's like Prince.

There he is, look at him. My brother. He's all dressed up doing the town. Doing the town. All dressed up. I showed up with a big dick and a bag of zero sugar twizzlers. You understand me? They make zero sugar?

Oh my God. Only at CVS fucking tremendous. You get these gay boys love this shit. You tickle a little asshole with a nut sack. Look at this thing. You just tickle that little nut sack with a liquorice stick as you're banging them the muffler. They'll go crazy.

This is shit that regular gay people don't even understand. A little licorice and a nut sack. Gay guys know, but these fucking mooks at home, they think they sling dick. They fuck their wives once a month. They come in two minutes. Gay guys got it going on. They hit each other with feathers and licorice and fucking tremendous. What's up you bad motherfucker?

I miss you. I miss you. I have a fucking laugh that God knows how long about this shit. Come on. Dog, the reason why I had to have you on this week, I got to complain. The gay community is slipping in New Jersey. I think I got to bring you back here and drop you off in Asbury Park so you can fuck a bunch of these little skinny white dudes with tight shorts.

They don't know. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know that you'll rip them fucking pants off and have them sucking their dick without two minutes right at the baseball game with a Yankee shirt on. They're over there cheering. Fucking look at Eric is stuck in motion. It looks like Lee with Edibles.

Look at him. He's hiding behind the mic. He's all fucking stuck and shit. Come back. Fuck sucker. This is tremendous. This is the zoom life of podcasting. Oh, yeah.

There he is. All right. It got too hot. The gays cut this shit off. I don't like it when you talk like that. What's happening, my brother? I miss you, man. I miss you too, man.

So fucking long. I know. But guess what? I'm doing a lot better now. And we're back. We're back fucking portrait people. Beeping at people. Tell them to suck your dick.

I gotta tell you. So one night we were doing. I can't remember what we were doing. Oh, we were doing a mic and I didn't have a car then and you tell me to go. All right. Where do you want to go? Don't give me no details. Just tell me where you want me to go.

And I said, all right, I want you to take this gay bar up the street and you go, I've heard of that bar. He didn't say that you just fucking. You just look forward and you let me out of the bar. And when I turn to tell you thank you, you fucking cruise the way dog. I don't want to get hit by sperm like fucking Clarice twining in the fucking silence of the land when she's woken up and Meg throws a shot of come on you. If you get here with a cottage, a shot of come while you're walking past the gay bar,

you're done. That's the origin of the sperm. You just pass out and wake up with birds singing around you and fucking three gay guys picking you up, bringing it to the back. And that's it. Don't ever get hit with, don't let a gay guy spit on you in front of a gay bar or fucking shoot a come on your leg because it's, it's not going to end well for you. Any professional knows that.

You told me you said you're going to make up in that bar with your shoes on backwards. Now that was the bar on the other side of Burbank Boulevard. That just looked scary. Oh yeah. It's, it's horrifying. Cause we, I took Lee there. Cause you remember you said, you go, I want you to do something for Lee this weekend. I said, what's happening to you?

I want you to take him to that bar. Take him, do him a favor. I'll take him, but he's not going to want to go. He goes, just do him a favor, just, just take him and let him, let him see how the other side lives. So when he walks in, he walks in and there's a guy in a, in a leather mask with a zipper mouth and he's blowing this dude. And the other guy's got a chain on him and he's kind of delegating his rhythm and Lee

walks in the first thing he sees that he goes, I really don't want to be here. So wait a second. The guy was sucking his dick at the bar. This is what I'm talking about. You guys go to fucking Buffalo Wild Wings to watch UFC and eat wings with your little fucking idiot friends. This guy walked into a bar and a guy was getting his dick sucked with a mask with a fucking zipper. That right there, that right there.

I give the guy a 50. Like, here you go. Thank you for entertainment. But the guy had a chain to fucking control his rhythm. You understand me guys? I'm not telling you you should be gay, but I'm telling you if you're young, consider it. Because once you get old like me, there ain't nothing crack or lacking. The pussy gets old.

Everybody's old around you. But gay guys, they sling dick till they're 80. They don't give a fuck because there's always some guy that's willing to suck your dick. It's unreal to me. I can be 60. I can't find somebody to suck my dick like a girl. But if I'm a man, I could just go to Asbury Park, rub some, get bang gay on my shoulders and boom, there I am fucking.

I did a show in Asbury Park the other night and this is where I had John the podcast before I forget. As soon as I went to Asbury Park, like there were 60 people in the room, maybe 10 of them were gay guys. They were very cute. But you could tell these guys don't even go to a gym or nothing. They go to the beach and, you know, they don't tackle anybody. Like no gay guys have ever tackled them like they're not used to that. As I was walking back to my car, I go, I like to unleash Eric onto Asbury Park with a helicopter. Just drop them off with a fucking parachute, naked from the waist down like with a fucking giant helmet on

and just land in Asbury Park and fucking go, I'm here yum-yums for a fucking week. This is some Mexican cock coming at you. Everybody likes Mexican food. Well, here we go. Here we go. Yeah, the Asbury Park gay guys seem like the gay guys in like Pueblo, Colorado. They haven't been fucking schooled yet. You know what I'm saying?

That these guys don't want to go into the city because the city's the major league of gayism. Like if you go into the village, there's clubs down there that you just come with. They'll just fucking leave there with an IV bag filled with sperm that goes right into your arm and shit. You ever see those old gay guys? They just have an IV connected to their arm and it's like bubbly sperm and shit in there. They're giggling there. It's like ketamine for them. You know what I'm saying?

It's like ketamine. That's so sweet. Michael, I knew this was going to be fucking tough. I keep laughing in the fucking mind. I love it. I love all these ships. Good people. I got to sit around and drive and think this shit to myself.

It's no fun. I got to express it to people. Michael, I was going through my messages and I had one from Joey and it was like at 1.30. He tells me, he goes, what are you doing, cocksucker? I just came back from lining that chamber. I'm feeling good. You know what I know? I'm doing it.

I'm doing it right. And then he goes, I was thinking about you because they were playing Madonna. I looked and this message was like four minutes and three minutes is just Joey's. He can get into the groove. You got to move. Hey, what? I can hear. I can hear like a car honk.

And I'm laughing because I realized he's on the road and he's fucking serenading Madonna. I love it. I love it. A little physical aloof. Whatever. Physical attraction. When Madonna comes on, you got to jump up and down and move your hips. She's the patron saint of gay men.

When she shows up, everybody's getting that dick sucked. Right? When Madonna shows up, gay people cannot be happier in their life. As soon as Madonna walks in your gay bar, gay people, it's like the pope walking in. You know what I'm saying? Remember when the pope walked into a gay bar and three guys are sitting there, good. Wait till the fucking, I'm serious. I'm a New Yorker in the 80s.

Madonna walked into your gay car. Everybody was sucking dick. Everybody. There was a fountain of a guy sucking dick. Everybody. There's a fountain of a guy. Eric, one thing I am impressed with since I left Los Angeles is a lot of you motherfuckers kept moving up the ladder.

And I'm really proud of you guys. You Randy Villarba fucking the Agostino. There's so many years that before the pandemic, you were like open mic is you stuck it out during the pandemic and you automatically became a blue belt. You became a fucking feature actor. At least you're getting spots at the improv. And I'm so fucking proud of you guys. The other day I went to the Yankee game and I know you're going to hear this joke as soon as I say it to you.

I'm at the Yankee game and at the end of the road, there's a beautiful black couple. She's an older woman, a little heavier. You can see she was beautiful. She was beautiful. You know, she had white hair, but it was like dreadlocks and the brother was fucking cool as shit. And then there was a white couple next to him and they were being kind of rambunctious. And the black people were like sitting there going, we don't even give a fuck about black lives matter. What the fuck was wrong with these white people?

I'm looking at him and I can see. Finally the white chick puked. All right. I knew. I knew it was coming. She just bars and then she gets up and they fucking faint, you know, because they giving her daiquiris and shit. She's probably some little white chick from Long Island didn't even have a fucking burger for breakfast. So the chick fell, falls down.

She got like an Asian friend with her. You don't want to puke when you got an Asian friend. They don't know what the fuck to do. They're looking around, looking for pork chops and shit. So finally the fucking, you're not going to believe this shit. Finally the fucking, the medical crew comes down, they pick her up, they do the whole thing. And then the nausea comes and he goes, listen, I'm sorry about this to the two black people. The white people fucked you.

You puked. Yeah. Two white people had them like, what the fuck's going on? So the guy came, you're going to love this. There was three people. It was a mom, a dad and the son and a black couple behind them. Okay. Finally the guy comes and he goes, listen, you got to leave your seats because we got to clean up the puke and just go up there and we'll let you know.

Now I heard the guy goes, the black woman goes, are you going to put us back here? We're getting different seats because I don't know. Let me see what I could do for you. So a couple of minutes later it goes by, they bring the white dude down with his kid and he sits right on top of the puke. They cleaned it out. I was 10 feet from the puke and I could smell it. You know that fucking, it smelled like New Orleans. You ever go to New Orleans and wall these people?

So the black couple comes back down and then the nausea is like, there you go. There's your chair. And you ever hear that diagostino joke that black people don't yelp? Only white people yelp. Black people fucking want to talk to the manager, right? Fucking hilarious. I'm looking at this and I'm like, wouldn't this be a piss if this was a diagostino minute? And that black lady looked at the chair and she looked at the white usher and she goes, I ain't sitting here.

I want to talk to your fucking boss. I ain't sitting in this puke chair. I want to go right down there behind on plate. That's what happens. And the dude just looked at it and she started getting louder. Like, listen, who do I have to call? I will call George Steinbren out of his grave. That white dude panicked and took her right behind home plate.

They were down there jumping up and down, listening to the OJs. They were having a good fucking time. But only in America, black people don't yelp. They get their pay there. They don't want to fucking dinner in two months. They don't want to voucher. They don't want nothing. We got to take care of this right now.

That's why I love the African American community. They ain't sitting in those puke chairs. The white people sat down like nothing. Like, they were like, oh, great. That's a great country to be in the fucking brothers. Like, we ain't sitting in those puke chairs. You better. And nobody sat there the rest of the show.

But the three white dudes sat there with the kid. Well, so on that note, I was getting the fucking monkey pox vaccine. You what? Yeah. Why? You got to be careful. Can you catch it from slinging? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You can catch it just from contact. So if you're hugging people with monkey pox, you can get that shit. So, yeah, so be careful. Watch out. You're the only gay man I'm hugging. Now, what the fuck is monkey pox? Explain it to us because a lot of white single guys

don't even want to ask. Like, human people. No, no, no, no. About my monkey. So it's a viral thing. Like I said, it's not HIV because you can live from it. So it gives you really fucking terrible lesions and shit like that all over your fucking, on your face, on your arms.

I got a lesion, but it's a staff infection. But if I would have known, I would have got checked out for monkey pox because I didn't know what the fuck was going on. It took two months to heal this fucking thing. Two rounds antibiotics. Well, I'm in line to get the vaccine. And they were like, I'm sorry. There's too many of you gays out here.

We don't have enough vaccine to cover the spread. And I was like, oh, shit. And just like you said, though, it was this little, little Twinkie guy in a fucking Tommy Bahamas shirt, really short shorts. He's got these big Harry Potter glasses. And he goes, um, no. And I'm not shitting you for 45 minutes. This poor, these nurses and shit that are just, they're taking their time.

They're being really, really nice. And the whole time he's fucking next going back and forth. And his fingers like an inch from the guy's face. And he's like, do you understand how long I had to wait? I drove from San Diego. And now all the gays, everybody's just kind of like looking at this motherfucker. And not only that, he's standing there and he goes, you know what? You know what?

No, if you don't like it, go home. And the guy fucking starts putting the tent that had all the vaccines away. So you're putting the fucking vaccines. Gays, they'll fucking, they want to talk to the manager too. They don't give a shit. And they're, they're fucking, they're catty about it too. Like even when they do get their way, they'll still be fucking catty to a manager.

Now, you know what the crazy thing is? Like monkeypox started showing up. There's like 2000 cases in New York. And like I saw at the gym today. I was on CNN. There's 149 in Jersey. So we're okay. But there's one boy doing about this shit.

Two guys got monkeypox and they already had a vaccine. My wife's like, well, how the fuck did they do it? She goes, well, they just used the smallpox and whatever. They got a monkey and cut his eyebrow off and put some hairs in there. I guess that fucking does it for you. Right. So, but here's the thing. They came out with a COVID vaccine in two years, white people.

I'm not taking it. I'm not, I'm not doing it. Black people. I'm not doing it. Kyrie and this and whatever people lost their jobs and shit. This is a funny fucking story. They put a monkeypox out. Gay guys like, listen, I ain't dying from COVID.

And I ain't dying from getting fucked in the ass. But if I had to die, I'm dying from COVID. I ain't dying from monkeypox. I don't want to go out that way. So I'll get the vaccine. They went right down and got the vaccine. It's funny because I went to, I went to LBI last week. And when I went to my ice cream, a girl walked over to me,

fucking beautiful yoke. And she was a lesbian, you know, beautiful girl. And then she brought over like a 20 fucking partners. They were all firefighters in like fucking Brooklyn. And I go, how many women? Like, I don't mean to be rude. I just didn't even know that they were hiring women, the pride of homage.

Cause you can say it. Lesbians, they, then you can say it. She goes, they hired about 60 of them. And I don't give a fuck. These pussies that didn't want the vaccine. We just rolled right the fuck up and took the vaccine. We don't need our uterus and we don't want periods anyway. So we don't give a fuck.

We just want to eat pussy and fight fires. We don't give a fuck. We just want to eat pussy and fight fires. Think about that. They went and got the bag. We don't give a fuck about our uterus. That's for fucking plain women. We're slinging big lips on our pussy.

You know, spreading bad information. Fucking everybody spreading bad information. You got mother fuckers. Well you know, we had two prides this year and it was funny. We had we heard prayed and we had Hollywood pride. And I got to carry a sign for one of the prides. And they were like, you want to be in the Hollywood one too? And it was so fucking hot.

And it was so long, that I told them, I don't know if I want to do this. And I wanted to sit on the float and I'm not. Joey, they wouldn't let me on the floor Why let me out of love they the floats were for the fucking go-go boys and strippers So they had all the ugly facts doing the leg work. Well, you gotta show up with the fucking time. See me. I'm a fag I'm no good-looking fag, but I'm showing up with a thong chunk let eyes and I'm getting right up there with the Spanish people Because the Spanish people will take anybody as long as you're up there slinging by my bed a guy pinga Chochot they're up there yelling throw and sperm at the people with confetti. They don't fuck around the Latino gay contingent

I love them. They're the ones that loop suck me in because they don't give a fuck all the other gate a racist talk too much Latinos they don't get right gay races. They always I'm thinking of being even like when a brother's gay shut the fuck up You're gay. I'm happy, but don't fucking break it down like a white dude like the reason why I'm gay is because I was playing basketball one time Some guy slammed out me. No, he didn't your uncle fucked with you and this is what happens crazy cracking motherfuckers. You probably had One of these black pedophiles like African Mambada as an uncle or some shit Do you see the trying to take African Mambada down to the molested little boys like 80 years ago? They're still like fucking don't listen to planet rock Rock rock planet rock

Don't stop Rock rock planet rock I was pissed cuz they didn't even talk to gay people in that the New York gay parade the pride parade They didn't have gay men. It was a transvestite a tranny fucking Whatever the fuck you called not a transvestite a transgender fucking whatever guy was in charge of the way it was the fucking Gay is gay pride and all of a sudden they just chiseled the people. Let me tell you what the trannies did This is why I'm really mad to transgenders and gay people will understand what I'm talking about Because just with their little bullshit, they don't cut off their dicks

They don't do nothing and they want to take all the fucking heat from gay men lesbians and most importantly Trannies just regular trannies the people who introduced me to life. Let me tell you something These guys they laid the brickwork for all this that's going on in this country really think about it like the old gay guys I saw it one of my best friends and I loved to death until I robbed him. He was part of that gay fucking He set the groundwork for the gay people and the second people that did it were the transvestite The guys that work hard is a butcher all week and then Friday comes They want to stop they want to duct tape that nutsack and that dick put on a wig shave that goatee and just let the pieces For what they make

You know I'm saying those guys show up like the bottom of the bag of the gay community They'll show up like a gay guy missing a leg like he got shot in Vietnam or something like that They never show up with like healthy-looking gay guys. That's okay But they've thrown him they've eliminated that whole transvestite thing that pissed me off There's still a place in my heart for trannies just people guys that just don't want to make the full commitment They want to be Henry again on Monday. You know I'm saying like they want to be whatever their names are Adam Henry I think the funniest gay thing I've ever heard was that gay dude that told me about Adam and Steve I almost fucking died. He's like listen. I talked about Adam and Steve. I'm like who's Adam and Steve?

He goes it used to be Adam and Eve, but now it's Adam and Steve You know I used to crack me up You talk about Ramrod and you said that the floors were designated to each branch of the of the pride community And you said the first floor was a gay floor second was lesbian. He said third floor is where you just do whatever you Have to do Do what you want to do you come up to me and go you got a lot of fluid. I want to light my asshole on fire I got I got to talk to you really gonna lay your ass on fire. Listen. Don't let me miss it. I'm gonna buy you a drink So I don't miss that

You said you what was that fucking soggy like you never remember the song it was beep beep Do-do Listen gay people love that soon. There's another one called it's by some Puerto Rican guys It's the sexo let's something Okay Not dancing dancing. It's always on studio 54. It's an old gay song From the 70s. It is brilliant because at the end the Puerto Rican guy goes Okay, okay, darling my chiffon is wet my wig is wet

He says when he says his chiffon is wet I almost crashed the car every fucking time and I've heard that song since I was six But every time he goes my chiffon is wet darling my chiffon is wet Well, this is what made me laugh those you said that they would deal drugs at the top because that's where you would get the best coke the quailage and coke and what always what always made me laugh was you said when the cops came in To raid the place that black guy always had he like he said he was on skates And he had a whistle little whistle. I was the look out Meaning to do

That's the cops cock sucker a little whistle. Beep valuable beep beep beep beep beep! It's like the beginning of Donna summer, but bad girls be whether Boopy beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. When you hear that whistle, you know that fucking putting on a give They got that fucking black things under their eyes. They're gonna go on the sunlight and be fuckin getting attacked for people That's what you said you said it was you know, that's why I like them cuz they're smart Talk we used to fucking crack up a ton in LA like with Lee me and you at night We would just do guys. We didn't need to go to a bar. We didn't need to hang out with famous comics. We didn't need to do shit We would just get high we would talk about being gay and Lee

That was it that was it I don't know if I told this story just because it's it's the fucking lore now But you had called me and you had said Hey, Lee Lee's coming right now. Tell him he doesn't look good and I was like, all right. Why what's going good? No, just fucking Tom doesn't look good. He's fine. Okay. You go. All right. Let me buy and Lee comes around the corner and I look at him and he's like, hey, what's going on? I go. Hey, you feeling all right now? And he goes why and I got you look kind of pale and Dude, he went he goes fucking god damn it. Did Joey talk to you and I go no, why what's up? What's wrong?

And he goes oh All right, so I went to a rubbing dog and I think the lady gave me something What he goes yeah, I went to a massage place and they offered to they offered to finish me off And I was like, okay. Yeah, so then I fucking go talk to Joey and then Joey starts talking He's like, oh, you can't go to that place. You didn't hear they had a an outbreak of an STD You got to go get yourself checked. You don't look good And I had to bite my fucking lip because then I understood why you were like when you see Lee tell him He don't look good

Lee didn't even do the mic. He goes I gotta go I Made a big mistake Made a big fucking mistake and we all make huge mistakes, you know, Josh will put up some videos of me with his son From 20 years ago and I go Josh, you know, we weren't thinking clearly That should have been a web series You know, I love doing the podcast with Lee. I enjoyed that office. I enjoyed everything about it But my biggest mistake was that office was not taping

People from the minute they walked in which I don't like doing cuz it's creepy I have to tell you and once I tell Mike why tell you that the camera's on you're gonna act differently And that's what we didn't want but I gotta be honest to you some of those nights Before and after I wish people could see those They were fucking, you know, you got to remember we would end the podcast at 10 But we wouldn't leave that the one in the morning One two in the fucking morning, you know, we did a podcast at one in the afternoon. We didn't get home till six It was like a two-hour podcast on a one-hour pre-party and a two-hour after party we get food and fucking, you know and

People could never understand but for me, I think one of the best experiences I had on that podcast was one night He goes to Vegas. This was the story he goes to Vegas with my other buddy and my other buddy loves to torture people He was to leash it had not gone to Vegas that motherfucker. He gave Lee a Viking or something a happy pill Lee had a couple drinks and then Lee was he lost or whatever, you know, it happens to all of us I used to have a cocktail want to break into a house. I would lose control, you know, so They went to this fucking strip club not a strip club a tug-and-jug or whatever and there was one Chinese chick left And I guess she rubbed them both like she was going from one room to the other So when he called me to do and he goes don't say nothing. I took lead to get a hand job

He fucking loved that he paid 140 or whatever. I actually didn't say nothing to Lee for about six weeks I didn't bring anything up. I was gonna set him up. It was one of the greatest setups. I've ever done in my life I really wanted to attack him like a week later, but I had a bite my tongue like left this guy Let it fucking romulate whatever that word is. So one night Something I just walked in I go Lee have you spoken to him and he goes now not at all And I go that's funny and then after it was when I go leave you haven't spoken to him And he goes no not really go listen. I don't want to fucking hurt your feelings

Did you go to some massage parlor with him and he just his eyes got big and he turned pale He didn't think I knew I go did you go to massage parlor? He goes. Yeah, it was fun. I go fun I Go Larry's in the hospital his dick blew up I kept a straight face. It was one of the morning. It was one of the morning. We're fucking hired and fucked And he just looked at me and froze. He's like, what are you talking about? I go talking dick blew up And he's not in good shape. He's in the hospital in critical condition I go the chick had something on the fucking hand and when she rubbed his dick

I go did you get a hand job from the same girl and he's like And he was just Damn by this time all the color in his face had gone his little lip was trembling And he goes, yeah, I think I did I go world and you better get checked out and he's like He started making jew noises the little noises he used to make What am I gonna tell paul? He's not gonna tell paul enough it But the bet like i'm playing him and he's digging himself deeper. He doesn't stop and go You motherfucker. He's digging himself deeper on his own like he's

Ah And finally just to take the tension out of the room. I go lee, why don't you go in the other room? Bring a light with you bring the magnifying glass. Look at your dick. We had a magnifying glass and think I go look at your dick and see what's going on. See if there's a there's a couple spots and we'll go to a doctor tomorrow He takes about 10 minutes he comes back and he's like I have a spot on my dick and i'm like, oh no I'm just feeding him. He's online looking for doctors. It's one thing the morning Should i go to the hospital? No, they don't have stuff to cure that type of syphilis. I just kept giving it lanes

And he's starting to fucking I mean he was fucking upset like oh lee i'm only fucking with you. He's like, huh And then he gave out one more jew noise And i'm like lee nothing to happen That next morning i call him even after i told him the truth I go, where are you? He goes, can i call you back? I go, why why? Because i'm at the doctor's office getting a test He was always at the doctor's office always You know what's funny though, and i'll give him credit to this

Every once in a great while he would try to fuck with you too And it would crack me up when we were going. I don't remember where the fuck we were going But we were driving back and you got pulled over Oh, shit up in ventura or something like that And we're sitting there and i'm in the back of the car and you said you knew you go All right, everybody hands up and you put your hands up on the dashboard And you said just make sure your hands are where they can see him and you go i'm not being no statistic Oh, we're in the car laughing you go god damn it you go fucking

I should have been i should have been looking out should have been looking out fuck And you were upset and then lee just looks at you and he goes Do you think you're gonna get a ticket? And it was it was the equivalent in animal house when he goes over to those guys and he just goes you guys playing cards Because You think you're gonna get a ticket and you just did that you go How the fuck do I know if he's gonna give me

I hope he doesn't and he did he just told the slow fat. I think I was doing like 90 or 80 You were fucking I was all of that stuff because what you would do on the way up Is we were driving and you were listening to disco And there were these cones and you would swerve and you would hit a cone So people have no idea I love to hit cones run over cones and I do this shit, but I'm by myself to entertain myself I don't need nobody in the car with me to have a good time. That's why I was laugh because the ride up was just as much fucking but I was like And I was like I was calculating I was like that it's like a fucking like a couple hundred cone that you hit

And just as many cones as you hit like we wouldn't have fucking made money off the game. That's how Dog I'm thinking about those people around the corner from my house. I used to run over their cones every night What they think is happening right now Like they're probably at bar because like man whoever was running over our cones Just stop running over dog. I could be it could be one of the more than I could be tired and I go I gotta go back over and run over their cones I could be I could have to take a shit and I would run over there to run over their cones We we would do gigs like at fourth wall

We do gigs at fourth wall and I know you did this on purpose You would time it so that by the time we got out of fourth wall to go get something to eat The knights of columbus would come out of their meetings And you would pull over right alongside them from all the window down and you'd beep beep cocksucker He would fucking deal I gotta be honest you want to I love to laugh I love to laugh I love to laugh at stupid shit

I love when you're high on an edible or high on a mushroom and you laugh And you can't control yourself in it like you think you're gonna die. I love all that shit, but I had a friend growing up. He's passed now I love him to death. It's crazy. He died about a year and a half ago and I I've been thinking about him a lot the last year because I couldn't I was too fucking sick to even Know what the fuck was going on when he died. He was the king of that when I tell you

There's times I drive and I hear his voice and I laugh because I know what he would say about some of these people Like where I got like I was telling Mike that I went to the yank game. There was a lady her feet were purple Like she had diabetic feet and shit like I got a fucking fungi toenail. I'm all right, but my feet ain't fucking purple or turning Red or pink this lady was fucking huge her feet were purple on the bottom. She had dirt on the heels She was a mess You know and both feet were purple like she had like blood clots or whatever on her foot

What was her answer? She's eating popcorn at the yanking game and also she just put two tattoos on her foot Like this will take care of the feet. They won't Nobody's gonna know about the diabetes I don't even know how we got to this But I love driving and just saying like the most important funniest thing is when you see somebody And they look a little off and you say to yourself. What the fuck is this thing? I say look at this fucking beauty The best is when you're with somebody and you see somebody that looks fucked up and you hit them in the arm and you go

relative And they just look at you like what the fuck that's not my cousin But that's the best whenever I see somebody fucked up. I'll look at whatever I'm with and I go, hey relative But I used to have a buddy that would go up to you and just say shit like there was a guy once Freezing at the bus stop and he pulled up next. So he's like get on cuckucker Look at you. You're free. There was another guy picking up paper with his stick once And he asked him how his business picking up the guy was furious

Another guy was swapping, you know sweeping his stairs at six in the morning We'd be all coked up the night before my friend would pull up get the house cuckucker And the guy would pick up the broom and go to hit us and then we'd peel off and shit I Have a more time I was on a bus on bergenlein avenue and there was a dude next to me the window was open There was a dude next to me with the window open And I swear to god I spit and it landed right on his fucking head right here like a little here like a little loopy-doop

Like a little dippity-doop with a curl and he started just shaking his head And the spit kept going back and forth like one of those little chinese drums they use An acupuncture with a little drum with the little two fucking arms and you spin them around I'm real I'm fucking real that laughing is still funny shit I I because I just don't remember this you would pull shit and it's like one of my favorite reveries You would pull shit and me and lee would just sit there And lee had the perfect analogy for you. It was it was the best one I've ever heard We were sitting there one time because you had left and you had told me you go

I'm I'm sorry and you were legitimately like apologetic and I go. What's What man? What's going on and I thought something was wrong with you and you go I took all kinds of garlic pills today to fart and really freshen the room up for you I can't fart. I don't know what's wrong with me And you walked out and me and lee were sitting there and I go Why does he think I would like that? We both just started laughing and lee looks at me and he goes The thing about joey

Is he has a plan? But he's the only one that knows what it is And I looked there. I was like, oh my god. That's exactly what it is And that's you've always been like a practical joker like that And all the like even all the gigs that you've done It was so fucking funny because we did the ice house one time and we pulled up And I remember you would hotbox that car and I mean just weed smoke is billowing in it And then lee would just sit there and I remember looking because the show started at eight

And it's it's like 750 752 755 And finally at like 756 lee looks at you and he goes we we should probably go in because the show starts at eight And you took a big old rip and you go well, I'm not on till nine. You're on at eight You fucking open up that door. Oh my god. Oh my god I can ran around the car And then I was I was fucking laughing and we were laughing when we got out

Please like fucking waddling around the car and he goes I don't know why you're fucking laughing because you're coming up right after me you asshole You know man, it was really crazy that those are the best comedy gigs I was doing at the time Really? Yeah, because I was doing all those theaters and shit and that wasn't comedy That was a fucking hell hole like I wasn't having any fun doing those theaters You're supposed to be having fun doing those theaters. I wasn't Had become work to me my gigs with you guys

Where the gigs I enjoyed those little simple gigs that nobody gives a fuck that we could giggle and fart and you know, that's what comedy is man and The last two three four five six years that comedy gift had been taken away from me. It was work It wasn't fun no more Me going to the ice house with you guys that was fun me going to the comedy store with you guys that and even the comedy store Became work. I had to work. I had to be a comic. I couldn't just be me at the ice house. I don't give a fuck I was going up there to hang out with you guys to talk to people. It was 98 people You know, it was a great room

It was wild though because you would do sets and we would we would watch because Truth is is not every feature watches their headliner and they should but we would watch you because you would You would do shit that we had never you had talked about it in the car And you were like, I think I'm gonna put this together And you would do it and it'd be fucking solid on stage And then we do another gig and you do it completely different and that would be solid too And I just remember it was such an it's such an odd thing that you would fly that way like it was It was just one of those things where

A small group of people where you could really let loose and like really look at people Yeah, you were it was incredible It really was it was something to see because I still have notes That Lee and I we would write down like shit that you said and how you phrased it And we would say like fuck dude. He did it this way this night But the punch was harder this night And it was so wild because you're set up versus your premise You would find different shit and you would go down different avenues

I mean you said something the one time that every comic you're you're an amulgum of the friends that you keep And it's it's fucking true because now like I said when when I go on stage it There's a little joey Diaz in there. There's a little bit of eddie murphy in there. There's a little bit of rich Prior, I mean all of these comics that I adored They're all in there And then as you start to kind of progress I think that's how like the improv started coming is honestly

I just I stopped giving a shit and it was like I want to have fun Because that's that's what I'm about this for is it's the fun So yeah, and that that was it like you would you Your green room was always something fascinating because I've had comics ask me what you're like In the green room and I always laugh because I was liking it to fucking a fighter right before a fight Because you weren't all jump around and then expending you were like, okay I want to sit down and it's the calm before the storm And I remember we were in shows in la Jolla and you beat the shit out of that first show

You beat the fuck out of it and then you came back to that room And you told me and Lee you said all right change it up change up everything And we were like What do you mean you go they have people that were from the first show They're staying for the second show again, and they they released some more seats So whatever you're doing just fuck around with it. This is the crowd to do it You've got a bit that you want to work on do it now And you did that and you did it completely different than how you did the first show

And it was one of the craziest fucking things and that night is really how I figured out, okay There's a difference between being in the moment and having all this written shit prepared Because you knew the material because you'd gone over it so much But you couldn't really live in it if you weren't being like that because you did something that nobody Nobody believes me when I tell them this you would never tell us how much time we were doing We would always have to hear off other people And I tell other comics that they go well, how the fuck would you know when to come off stage? And I'd say well you'd get the light you'd get the light at five

And they go so joey wouldn't tell you I go no anytime I tried it once and you looked at me and you go what's with all the questions And I just went Don't don't ask him don't ask him how much time and I go isn't that something we kind of need to know And he went I I don't know Just fucking ran away, but You would never tell us the time so what that forced me to do was if I had a bit I had to I had to explore it. I had to live in it. I had to try it out. I had to really

Fucking go back and forth now It's it's hilarious because I'll go up there and I did a show just recently with jeff die and kurt mesker It was a the hard lemonade show and monary is a great great great comic. She's coming up. You'll you'll hear about her She's like, hey, I want you to do this show and I was like, okay, cool I don't even know if they gave me how much time I was doing And they asked me they go don't you don't you know how much time you're doing? I was like no why And they were like I

Because so you can do your so you know what material to do And I was like, I yeah, I don't know. I just I don't work that way And it's from you that I got that and like I said I I love I love doing that dude is that you you learn how to Be a savage on stage by putting yourself through that kind of shit And so you would never do that but it's funny because I've never got to tell you this to thank you for that It it put me in a different a different category of comedy now because the one thing that I really love about that I had drinks with jeff die and we were talking about you last night Same thing with a brian simpson too

Everybody talks about you and how hard you crush and I get because You would you would say like me when there's five minutes left And I was like fuck like how much time is he gonna do though? How much because you would always fucking play with the premise and you would play with how you were gonna do the punch And I mean it was it was amazing to watch so it was it was like going to school But in the best way because there was a night where I just I wasn't I wasn't figuring it out and you told me Why don't you come to the store and you said you need to watch some good comics because you've been watching too much open mic comedy And it you were right and I was like fuck. I'm getting bad habits from watching this shit

I got to watch how it's done. Well And then yeah, and then the game changed but it's just it's wild and you're gonna hate this But I would do one time I fucking I did so good at the show and you were there And you would tell me I want you to I want you to stop Not doing gay shit. I want you to open with your gay shit And I was like, I don't know man. I don't know if that and you go don't want to hear that Open with a gay shit and I was like, all right fine

And I did I go is anybody gay here? And nobody fucking raised their hands. I go, okay. I go. Does anybody think somebody's a fag here? And everybody started laughing but you were behind that audience and you never did this you were behind that audience And you were like it was like you were shadow boxing like And then you fucking went back to the green room And I was laughing because you would you would lean forward and you would fucking laugh and that was it though for me that was my Like I said, I Club wise I I want to be in the clubs. I want to do all that shit

But for me that was what made me Legitimate was when you lean forward and you were fucking their shadow boxing my set with me against all these fucking straight people And it was great. I got like followers from that. I have people that still talk about that show And that was because you had said no you need to be who you are. That's it And yeah, it was it was a fucking you know comedy could be really hard Or it could be really easy I love comedy I know how to get good at it and it's all I know. I don't know how to fix a car. I can't make chicken colors

I don't know anything But I know comedy I know how to get funny and I know the state of mind that you have to have I've been talking a lot on patreon lately about The little adjustments to be that much better of a person It's just little adjustments people think you need all the it's just little adjustments It all goes back to jujitsu the details There's little details and if you stick to those details everything will work out for you And I tell you

Getting on stage. I think that being an immigrant I don't know. I don't know if it's being Cuban. I don't know but I can't Anything we do is a privilege in this country Anything we do is a privilege We take spots for for granted sometimes when I started in comedy. There was no spots I did 13 spots a month. That's all that was available to me. I did them all I needed to do more I needed to do 16 and 18 and 20 so you know you keep What my point is that every spot that you do whether it's at the fucking

At an open mic or at a theater with 2,000 people You're always trying something new I don't care Subconsciously you got to try something new Subconsciously you have to grow as a human being whether you're on stage jujitsu a guitar player Ecl a ceo You got to grow so you got to keep doing things every day to keep you fresh As a human being

My daughter goes to camp after three weeks. I asked her you're still like camp she goes ah We have to keep things fucking So for me to keep things Normal I got to switch things up. I don't want to fucking be married to a set as a comic Your third to fifth year in comedy I want you to be married to your set because I want you to have a beginning a middle and ending A song has a beginning everything has a beginning middle ending

So I don't want you to go out third to five to seven year comics. I want you to stay in your thing But note that by the time you hit six years You're going to have your set just to reel you in if things go fucking nuts But I want you to go out there and try different things and you know, there's a white there's a BJJ white belt page on instagram and they're fucking great. I did that podcast last week Because they everybody gives you a 10 page fucking thing to make you better in comedy It's only two lines. I got to tell you do this switch this You know adjust this but they make it when you read there what the inspiration they give you every day

They tell you that if you're going to roll today in jujitsu, which for us is getting on stage Try something new put yourself In a horrible position So you learn how to get yourself out of those positions. There's no secret Why a man by the name of joe rogan is a great comic and he ended up becoming a great comic because To all his advice to all the people that advised and they told him not to let me open for him Joe rogan said i'ma stand up. I'm gonna follow him till I get it right Wow and then something changed when I got to the store in 2016. I had to start following joe rogan

And how do you think that fell for me? Oh, jeez. I had to learn how to follow delete I had to learn how to follow all those guys So comedy you're always fucking learning guys and every time you go on stage It's to learn something. It's not just I don't give a fuck if there's three people in the audience Good that gives me time to do a fucking uh, what's the thing belushi used to do? The somersault cartwheels. Oh, yeah, do a fucking cartwheel for four people. I don't give a fuck But you You said this one time it was

Sugar-free. I don't want people saying joe. You're gonna be a fat fuck diabetes You're gonna get a foot like that lady. That's how red her foot was and she got a tattoo in the middle of Zero free cvs and don't forget to join cvs health pass They give you tremendous discontents every month If you're into condoms and fucking perfume for assholes and monkey pop now Can you get a monkey box if you wear condoms? This is shit eats through the condom Those monkeys ain't fucking around I

Monkey pops they ain't fucking around You you said this one time and it's funny because my buddy's the the Rosie triplets they always remembered this too. You said on stage you go Look if your jokes ain't working Then you go to your stories if your stories ain't working Then you go to crowd work and if crowd work ain't working You better dance motherfucker You better dance. I did it for years

When things got fucked up, you know, I was telling somebody that day and we'll leave on this Because there's a lot of young comics and I'll watch this I'm gonna tell you this because this question He's repeating itself to me and to other people Should your comedy can't change during this woke period Not at all if you change it you failed If you change your comedy for people and people's feelings you failed What was that gonna say

Monkey pox eats through condoms No, no, no, no you failed but I tell you what I found out last week And this is why I want to talk to Eric because I made a comedy breakthrough last week That I've known about for years right now. They're telling you not to do this not to say this not to say this Let me tell you what I realized last week There's two groups of people that love to get involved in your comedy and tell me I'm wrong Eric and I'll tell you who I saw do it who taught me it and it changed my life. There's a group of men

There's groups whatever african americans chinese philippinos, but there's two groups that love when you Involve them in your act and you can say anything you want to them. Just don't be dirty Don't talk about ass fucking all the shit that me and my man talk about here and that's gay men Gay men are the most receptive groups and if you go to do a gay joke If you go to do a comedy show and there's a table of 10 gay guys, don't even worry about material You don't need it. Just talk to them Just talk to them and they're gonna fucking love you. They're gonna take you out to dinner afterward They're probably gonna try to fuck you just turn them down

But I want you to learn this and the second group of people who love to be involved In your comedy routine is african americans Just don't be an asshole and call and insult them, but you could say anything call them tarsan You know the sisters look like tlc Whatever I I started comedy with african americans I said anything but that disgusting word and they went along with it You could say anything you want. I eat black pussy. It keeps my teeth clean the fucking hair

I used to say all that shit and not once an african american woman come up to me and go I thought that was nasty not once in fact. They said you're nasty because you eat that shit nasty motherfucker You know Sisters are the best so i'm sick and tired young comics of people telling you your fucking job do your job And if you do it correctly and if you stand your ground They'll accept you no matter what you say to them as long as you don't call them fucking faggot so You know hivp don't you don't need to say that have a great time gay people

By people they all want to have a fucking gay a great gay time a great time You know nobody wants to fucking But again, you know because listen if you take the same thing to a hundred women If I get a hundred women to stand on my line go listen that blouse is beautiful 99 are gonna enjoy one of them is gonna say I felt like that sentence was a little sexual and It kind of you know, it kind of scared me That's it so with lesbian women with women you gotta be a little bit more careful But speak to them tell them where you're at tell them fire. That's what stand up is is the truth

Why the fuck are we going away from the truth then lying to us nobody's woke You're as woke as you want to be get on stage and fucking tell them to suck your dick that nobody'll be woke no more Think about it. If you tell somebody woke to suck your dick and look them in the eye they'll go okay I got a lot I gotta stop doing this shit Where you performing that listen leo be here and not this week Next week we're gonna call you again and do another three-way fucking zoom on comedy 101 For next week for these fucking people at home that want to learn how to do comedy and

Have a fucking you know, everybody's got a fucking uh, you know, what do you do at woke now? How do you do your comedy just go up there and be the dirtiest you can If you come up to me and go there woke I'm gonna go then go up there and open up with the fucking you pulling the Arabs head fucking him in the ass Putting a sock in his mouth. Let them sit there and go. What the fuck is he saying? You know what what you did that got me really quick as you said about guys I was with a buddy in the car and we were listening to you and you go well guys Betty white's dead and I don't feel too good myself

Fuck no Betty white is dead that bitch finally died. She kicked the buck. Let's wait for her to be a hundred for what so So a twat can get drier After 70 you thought your twat is just dry as fuck. You're walking around squeaking after these 80 year old women don't even want to be alive I love you, Eric. Where are you gonna be performing the next couple weeks? All right, buddy. So I'm gonna be in vegas on the 12th Um, you can check my website ericroachicomedy.com also with my youtube channel And then I'm gonna be in san diego at the madhouse on the 14th august 14th. So

Hell yeah, we're we're making moves, buddy. I miss you. You look great. I miss you too, man And like I said, I'm doing these shows so I guess you're gonna be doing it in november of december. So Whichever one I'm there, buddy. I love you at all my heart brother. All right, and I'm happy you did this today because I do this for me. I don't give a fuck about the guests. I do this for me. So I get a good laugh I need to have some fucking gay humor in my life next time We'll talk about gay pride and how many people's feet you came on and shit Rub fucking coming there. I would love to be fucking good And then come on your hand and rubbed it and their fucking eye water and they're coming like I'm coming. Yeah your eye too cuck sucking

I love you and now for a word from my mother fucking sponsors jack hit it All right, I want to thank you guys and I want to thank eric rocha for making me fucking laugh my ass off today But I also want to thank Factor factor is ready to eat meal delivery service. Listen. They're tremendous. It's summertime You ain't got time to go home and cook and chop with factor a quick lunch or a fully prepared dinner It's just two minutes away Factors new protein plus preference makes easy to power up with delicious meals And at least 30 grams of protein per serving. You're not going to get there anywhere else these chef crafted recipes

Are packed with restaurant quality flavor Stop spending your precious hours at the store online cooking. It's too hot for that Let factor deliver some pre-prepared meals to your house. They're going to blow you away They got vegan veggie protein plus keto calorie smart option energy bites Veggie sides and more but their smoothies and cold pressed juices are tremendous are tremendous So head on over to go dot factor 75.com slash joey 130 that's go dot factor 75.com slash joey 130 use code joey 130 to get 130 hours off Six boxes of food. That's code joey 130 at go dot factor 75.com

Slash joey 130 for 130 hours off the joint is also brought to you by Blue chew listen if you're thinking a string and dick And you wanted to call again. You want to wet that whistle blue chew has got you covered What is blue chew joey? They're an online service That delivers the same ingredients as sea alice and viagra in a chewable tablet or at a fraction of the cost Take them any time And be ready whenever the opportunity arises. Let me tell you something blue chew is great You put a little package in your pocket and when you're ready to go

There you are everybody's happy you can pull your own hair out of your head The process is simple stop sign up at blue chew dot com once you're approved You'll receive your prescription within days. You're going to talk to a medical license provider first But the best part is it's all done online No vic no doctor's office. No awkward conversation But blue chew tablets are made in the usf In the usa and shipped in a discreet package. Nobody'll know not even you until you open it That's how good blue chew is but listen all jokes aside. You want to wet your whistle? It's the summertime

It's the best time to do it. You can sling dick with confidence at blue chew So go to blue chew dot com Enter code joey and get the first month free. Did you hear what i'm saying free? So your august you'll be slinging dick on uncle joey Go to blue chew dot com and get the party started. I want to thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast Also cbd lion when it comes to cbd. They're the best. How do I know? I've been working with them for four years. I put it on everything. I'm getting old guys cbd lion will help you with anxiety pain

It's just great whether you have uh Arthritis I had some arthritis on my wrist that was bothering me I put some of the cream on for four or five days pain is gone. That's cbd lion So do me a favor read the third party lab results There's anything you see pressing code joey join a church and get 20 percent your first order at cbd lion dot com The best you bad motherfuckers. I want to thank cbd lion. I want to thank blue chew. I want to thank The fucking draft kings. I want to thank everybody who else came on this week Factor, I love you all cbd lion. Have a great week. We'll be back monday

Tip top magoo ready to go. I love you motherfuckers You