Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #188 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT! It’s Wednesday, August 10th… Today we catch up with our pal, LEE SYATT!  https://www.Instagram.com/leesyatt https://www.Twitter.com/leesyatt https://www.leesyattc...onsulting.com Don’t forget to Pre-Order Joey’s New Book, TREMENDOUS: The Story of a Comedy Savage on AMAZON! https://amzn.to/3QeDeCx  This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew & Displate… BLUE CHEW Visit https://www.bluechew.com and use code JOEY DISPLATE Support the show and get up to 29% off some sweet new  metal art with the code JOEY at https://www.displate.com/unclejoeysjoint62e803c5539f6 Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt #BlueChew #Displate The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, August the 10th. The joint is brought to you by, and I'm welcoming, Displayed. Looking for something to cover up that hole in your wall? Displayed is a new metal poster that you'll want in every room. They got millions of designs available featuring gaming, movies, and comics.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Featuring officially licensed designs from Star Wars, Netflix, and many more. Let me tell you something. They sent me a Bruce Lee one. Holy shit. It's fucking beautiful. It only takes 20 seconds to hang up a display. No power tools, no damages, no frustrations. Once you mount one, you can switch it out in a new plate and a flash. With everyone that you buy, Displayed plants a tree. Who's better than Displayed? Nobody. Click the link in the description to see some of my favorite displays and save up to 29%. Get 25% off when you buy one or two and 29% when you buy three or more.
Starting point is 00:01:15 Discounts will be automatically applied to your cart when you click the link or use Code Joey. When you visit Displayed.com. Again, that's Displayed.com. You're going to love them. The joint is also brought to you by my fucking favorite Blue Chew. Listen, it's time to get that whistle blown. You got two weeks left in August and you're still sitting there like a fucking mook. Let me tell you something. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Psyolus, but in a chewable tablet. All of the fraction of the cost. You're like, Joey, I don't need nothing. I got my dick is tipped off my goo. That's okay. My dick used to be tipped off my goo too, but everybody needs a little help.
Starting point is 00:02:01 That's where Blue Chew comes in. It's called confidence. You're going to walk in there like you have the biggest dick in the state and it's going to be all over. Just her confidence alone is going to go, I don't want this guy around. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult one of their medical providers, and once you're approved, you're going to receive this prescription within days. The best part is the talk done online. You don't have to leave the house. You don't have to talk to nobody. You got to go to CVS and some guys got to breathe on your neck. Blue Chew tablets are made in the US of A and shipped in a discreet package.
Starting point is 00:02:34 If you can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform, this is what I'm talking about. Blue Chewers can help. Listen, your whistle's a whistle. Some days it's tremendous. Some days it needs help. On the days it needs help, Blue Chew's there and you're going to get it for free. Joey, what are you talking about? Five hours for shipping and I'm going to send you a month of fucking Blue Chew so you can get the party started. Your whistle's going to fucking love me. You're going to love me and the girl's going to love you. Or maybe the boys. I don't fucking know who you're running with these days.
Starting point is 00:03:05 BlueChew.com with Coach Joey for your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for important safety information. Let's get this fucking party started. It's Wednesday, Lisa Yats in the motherfucking house. Enjoy. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? We're here for another fun-filled Wednesday. It's August the 10th and the in-house guest is my man Lisa Yats. I'm sorry about that. I did a bonnet off that fucking priest pipe before.
Starting point is 00:04:40 I'm still fucking rattling in my head. It's a beautiful day to be alive. What's up G? I'm happy we've been having fun the last couple days. That's where that cough came from. I got to tell you something guys. Things change. Things really change in life. They really fucking do. You know Lee's been getting high up in Boston with his girlfriend. I've been getting high down here. Lee got here Sunday. We tried to eat some medibles. I think we ate a bag of 300 milligrams. Which we could do for fucking breakfast five years ago. And then we probably ate a chocolate bar the first night or no. No, we had a chocolate bar. I had like 90-ish milligrams.
Starting point is 00:05:18 He had 60 in the first night. He gives me no credit. Listen, I don't know if you can call what we were doing and I like getting high. I get high now where it's like I'm conscious. I remember events, days. But yeah, it does. You can still do with the milligrams though. I can still do my milligrams, but they don't hit me like a mule like they used to. That's why I have to switch them around. So when I want to switch, like at the weekends I do the ABX. I want to be heavy duty, you know what I'm saying? But during the week you don't want to be fucking killing yourself. So I get true dose from the Stoners Club with a K. StonersClub.com with a K.
Starting point is 00:06:00 They got true dose gummy, sour apples. Is that what we had the last couple nights? Those are good. Those are fucking good guys. I gave one to a friend of mine two years ago. Like at a 15 milligram. I gave him a football game. Not a live game. We were watching football at his house and I fucking looked at him at one point and he was shot. And I go, you know what? I ain't giving no more of these away because these are fucking people up. I gave two away and they were fucked up. So I had 270 milligrams left.
Starting point is 00:06:26 And I ate the whole fucking bag. That was a mistake guys. True dose is fucking strong. And they got chocolates. They got Kit Kat. I'm enjoying, you know, Hershey chocolate. You said they had Twix too I think. They got Twix. Do they taste like it? Yeah, kind of. But they're fucked. They do the trick. Listen. Yes. You guys have all seen and you've made fun of me for how I used to eat edibles because they tasted like dirt in LA.
Starting point is 00:06:51 The gummy squares are good. Those are gummy bears. The chocolates taste as good as an edible as I've tasted. It can always taste a little bit of the way. That's why I like the, but the gummies are great. They're small. And you know, I used to have to swallow the stars like pills. I would take a chug of water. I would bring water with me in the car with you because I knew you had something. Guys, we ate so many stars. Those gummies were fine. I can never eat a star again. No.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Like when they were done, they were done. Towards the end they tasted so fucking bad. It was like doing a, you ever go to a shitty bar and they have those shots that the girl brings over the Jell-O shots. That's what they tasted like. They tasted like Jell-O shots with bar booze. Like not even like what's a good vodka, Tito's or something. No, they made them with that fucking seven grain. Like three Puerto Ricans and me made it when we were in prison. What's that shit you make at home? It's like moonshine. Moonshine. It was fucking terrible. I did not like those stars at the end were gross.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Then this fucking guy found a bag in his freezer and he was still eating them. And they were year old and they were kind of like fucking hard. Like it wasn't like a regular guy. Like you knew these motherfuckers had some staleness. They worked. But dog, they were effective. The more stale those motherfuckers got, they were like an invite. They were like a fucking an expired vicar. And they hit you like a fucking mule. What about like every once in a while, we would clean out the office and we found,
Starting point is 00:08:18 because I kept them in the fridge because they stayed semi fresh. Yeah, fresh. That's a good way to put it. We found something like behind the speakers behind like in with the records that like had got dehydrated. Like all the water had evaporated because it was a thousand degrees in that office most of the time. And we still tried to eat them, I feel like. I found the fucking sugar cubes from the acid days. From the liquid acid when we moved out. Let me explain something to you guys. I understand I've made a lot of mistakes in my time.
Starting point is 00:08:51 I really fucking have. I have made a lot of mistakes. I never want to come across like I don't make mistakes. This is like a problem. We got a couple fucking mistakes lately we made. We didn't take the guests when they come in. That should have been a fucking automatic. Put the camera on as soon as people would have sat down. We would have had shit for you people today that you wouldn't have believed.
Starting point is 00:09:11 And when we picked up that carpet, I should have sent it to all the church people, because all you had to do is basically put water on it like a cheeky bear. What's those trees that grow up? You get like a fucking all you had to do with that carpet was take it home. Lock the door. Don't tell your parents you got it. Put a little water in it. This thing was going to get you high like 10 days because first you put a little water in it, right? Put a little water in it and then take the water out and drink it.
Starting point is 00:09:38 That's the first dose. Then the second dose would have been to fucking take that shit, fold it up like a heroin dude does with the aluminum foil and put like a straw to that carpet and just inhale what was coming off that carpet. Guys, they must have been a pound or two of weed in that carpet dug in. They had to be, I don't know how much edible dust, toenail dust. We ripped that carpet up. I remember that the top, like it was like a dust thing went up. Like we had, it was disgusting.
Starting point is 00:10:09 The couch we had in there, there was so many drugs in between the fucking seats like that people would bring and drop in the fucking seats. People have no idea. People really have. I was thinking about something last night when that dude duplicated the YouTube page and we took the page away from it. He's like, I'm going to release the hitting camera videos from the church of you doing coke. And we're like, you know, guys, let me tell you something, that fucking, the office, the scary office.
Starting point is 00:10:39 There was a couple of us. We had this, we had a scary office where I saw the chick get kidnapped at the 7-Eleven at four in the morning where the lady fucking banged on the wall and said, stop smoking dope. We weren't even smoking dope. We got that one. Then we moved to North Hollywood down the block from the burger place. In and out. In and out.
Starting point is 00:11:02 And that place, dog, I don't know how we didn't get. Today? Today. In today's California, we really got mugged there at night. Oh yeah. No brainer. No brainer. That was not a good neighbor at night, guys.
Starting point is 00:11:14 You had no idea. We'd leave there at 1.30 in the fucking morning. The car on Lancashire. Like you see two hookers by the hotel. It was not fucking good that, that neighborhood where we used to smoke the reefer. We were talking about that the other day, the periscopes. How many joints must be under that fucking stairway under? Because we used to just throw the weed.
Starting point is 00:11:35 But when we left, there was, and you couldn't get to him. Like there was no way you could ever get to him. Because the stairs are blocked. But then on the top of the stairs, there was like a little gate that the owner must have had a key to. Or something to get to do something. And at the end of the periscope, he would just go over the fence. And no, like. Oh, there was a roof.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah. That's right. There was a roof there. It was like an edge of a roof. So I would throw the joints over and you could see like 100 fucking joints, guys. We fucking, guys, you had, we were talking about last night with the wives. His girlfriend was here. My wife was here.
Starting point is 00:12:10 And we were trying to explain to them what the eight years of that podcast was. I was in a fucking coma, guys. When we unwind from that, Lee had his three month adventure in Milwaukee, which didn't sound any better than what I was going through. Not really. When he called me, he fell asleep on the Kit Kats. And they were all over his bed and shit. I'm like, Lee's not doing well. Neither am I.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I mean, I was not doing well, guys. I was telling Lee last night when we got here, like, I got here August 19th. And I was a fucking mess. Like August 21st, I got a minor heart attack in Somerset from the anxiety. My heart pounded all fucking night. And then the only way my heart would stop would be at night when I drank the tea. And when I would drink the fucking the edibles, I would squeeze the edible out of the capsule and put it in the, in the tea. And one night I got so high because I was just drained.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Like if I was eating 2000 milligrams on the podcast at this point, I was eating 3000. Oh, plus THC pills plus fucking the hash tabs because I had like 100 cases of hash tabs when I got here. He gave me everything he had at the store. So I was eating the hash tabs at night. And we just moved in here September 1st, August 31st. We were sleeping on floors because we had no furniture yet. The furniture didn't come till September 4th. Temperature came.
Starting point is 00:13:37 We were just down here. My wife was living upstairs. I was down here watching. I don't know what the fuck we're doing. And one night I got really fucking high after the furniture came. And this is what I knew was time to stop guys. I went upstairs. It was like two in the morning.
Starting point is 00:13:51 At this time I was going to bed at four. I'd be out of my mind by two. By four, I'd just be a fucking mess drooling the whole fucking thing. I went upstairs and I was just eating. I was going through one of my edible fucking, you know, sandwiches, chicken cutlets. I discovered Le Votes. So I had everything from Le Votes. I'd bait, shrimp, you know.
Starting point is 00:14:15 I wasn't called the, I know what you're talking about. Old Bay. Old Bay. I'm guys, I'm fucking eating. I got shit all over the floor and all in the lights out. There's just a light in the living room and the light from outside. And all of a sudden out of nowhere, there's a fucking earthquake in my living room. Now, I'm so fucking high.
Starting point is 00:14:34 I could be strictly honest with you guys. I did not know it was an earthquake. I thought it was part of the edible experience. It happened sometimes. Walked kicking in. I was shot. I was shot. It's two in the morning.
Starting point is 00:14:47 I'm in my fucking upstairs eating chicken, sandwiches, chicken cutlets, you know. And all of a sudden this house starts fucking shaking, guys. I'm in the kitchen and this house starts shaking. I'm like, okay, that's part of the edible experience. I'm gonna put this piece of chicken down and I'm gonna go write the bed. I didn't wake up my wife. I didn't say nothing. My wife told the story last night that she woke up during the earthquake and started crying
Starting point is 00:15:14 because she thought it was all a dream that we had moved to New Jersey. Because how the fuck do you have an earthquake in New Jersey? I didn't know they had them here. I didn't know you had one when you moved. The one in Freehold, the 4.8, the 6.2, the first week. I mean, I went to bed and I was like, that's a sign. And the edibles will do that to you. Because sometimes they go in waves, so you'll already be high.
Starting point is 00:15:35 And then for a second... Excuse me, edibles don't do that to you. The shit we were fucking taking does that to you. Okay, I don't want you to sit at home. That's true. This is why I don't eat edibles because he saw an earthquake. No, nobody sees an earthquake when they take 15 milligrams. And when you take 15 milligrams, the only thing you see is a pillow and a bag of wise potato chips.
Starting point is 00:15:53 That's the most danger you're gonna get into. Okay, but we were doing lethal doses here. This is a THC plus cat. He told me that we're taking cat tranquilizers. I don't even remember the case. Well, that's what you claimed they were at the time. They were probably not cat tranquilizers, but yeah, no. All those white ones.
Starting point is 00:16:11 The little white ones. Were they white or were they blue? I don't remember what they were. Medication for your foot. I didn't give a fuck. And those days, we just had to do what we were doing. That's it. And it wasn't like we were drinking, but we were talking about the unwinding process.
Starting point is 00:16:25 No, we never drank on a podcast. Never drank. Oh, Ron White. We didn't get drunk though, did we? I drank a couple glasses at Tequila. I was in shock. That's why I recommend Ron White's Tequila because I was not hungover. And I don't like fucking hangovers anyway.
Starting point is 00:16:39 But guys, we were in deep. LA, it was time to pull that fucking show. It wasn't pulled because we was time. We were gonna move and start a fucking new life because, you know, sometimes you really think you're living and you're healthy. Like sometimes you walk around and you're like, man, I've been doing okay lately. Guys, I was not healthy. It was just a matter of fucking time before one of us dropped, you know, with the road shit and him not sleeping and the fucking edibles. And then it got to the point where people, guests were coming in and bringing in lethal.
Starting point is 00:17:13 You know, it got to the point where hosts were coming in and trying to knock us out of our fucking game. But we were prepared for them because we had been at war in the trenches for fucking eight years. The last two or three years of that podcast before fuck-o went off the reservation. And, you know, what's his name? Fuckin' Benjamin Bratt, whatever his fucking name is. Owen Benjamin. I mean, you know, I'm not proud about Owen Benjamin, but this was part of what was going on. You know, listen, when I left LA, I was under fucking stress.
Starting point is 00:17:44 I was anxious and most importantly, I was fucking tired. You know, we'd just been tired. I wasn't tired from no sleep. I was just tired. I was done with listening to the lingo. I mean, and I always said this, the last couple of months of the church, I kept saying, guys, this pandemic is going to change a lot of us. This pandemic is going to change a lot of us. And it fucking did.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Everything has changed in our lives since then. A lot for the better, I think. A lot for the better, but a lot of shit is still not right. I think there's still even more mental health issues popping up in the world. Like, you know, people that you see, people that you talk to, I mean, this really either sped up people's thinking. For me, it slowed it down. It gave me a window to look and see what the fuck I had done for the last 25 fucking years. Last time I checked in with myself was like January 97.
Starting point is 00:18:43 You know, when you land, you just go. It was like they pulled me. It's like getting shot in the war. That's what happened. I felt like I got shot and they brought me to a bunker and I got to feel everything I hadn't felt. I hadn't felt shit. We were always fucking high. You know, we were always high and we were always moving.
Starting point is 00:19:03 Part of my anxiety when I got here was adjusting to my new life. Like, I felt fucking I could feel my skin crawl, guys. I didn't know what it was to wake up and not have to leave the fucking house. I didn't know what that feeling was anymore. I didn't know what it was to get up at 8.30 in the morning and you already got three fucking messages from agents or an actor or somebody who wants to use you at 8.30 in the morning. You got to call them back and go, I just woke up guy. What the fuck? And they're like, we need for you to get to Center for Ramacity.
Starting point is 00:19:36 It was just a nightmare guest. Yeah. Podcast, you know, it was, it was overwhelming guys. And you just get like, you get used to it. Like your least favorite time of the year, at least when we were in LA was the holidays because like you got used to that. And then there was nothing during the holidays. I can't wait. Who doesn't like the holidays?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Like you just got used to it like that. Well, I kind of remember one thing, guys, the holidays in Los Angeles. Right. It's Dick. It's Dick. I don't know if those people are atheists. I don't know if they believe, you know, I don't know what they believe in. They're Christmas and our Christmas are two different fucking things.
Starting point is 00:20:14 And, you know, thank God for Burke Kreischer for inviting me over for Christmas with the kids and my daughter could play with his daughter and the dogs and other neighbors. That was great. But guys, that's where it ended. There was no feast of the seven fishes. Nobody was, you know, here it starts Christmas Eve, you know, you do something, somebody comes over, then you go somebody else's house, then somebody else is having something. You don't get home till midnight. Then Christmas day, you stay at home, open your presents, jump up and down. And at like three o'clock, we were around the corner already.
Starting point is 00:20:46 That whole week, it was like a fucking parade around here. Like I was in shock. Like I wasn't used to it because tell them about Christmas in California. It was me. Felicia Michaels would come over. You have a few. You would have more like I went to your house for, I think every holiday. For the most part, it was Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:21:09 You'd have people come over and a couple people would stop by, but then they'd all they have eight million parties are going to. And it's just there was only one person went to parties. Everybody else stayed put. We were fucking orphans. It was me. You Steve Simone. Yeah, Steve Jerry Rocha. Felicia Michaels.
Starting point is 00:21:29 One year we had Kate. She had to leave. But beside that, nobody really has nowhere to go guys. It's not like it's a joyous fucking event. If you're a producer, maybe people invite you over hoping you're going to put them in a movie or something like that. But it sucked. It basically sucked. You know, I still remember Rogan calling me going moving to Austin.
Starting point is 00:21:49 And I'm like, no, I'm not. And I'm going to tell you what, it's not because I don't love Joe. It's not because I don't like Brian. It's not because I don't like fucking Texas. How much we love Austin, Texas. It was because I needed family. It was time to have the people that I banged it out with around. I love Dari.
Starting point is 00:22:08 I love Duncan. I love Ryan Sickler. I love the comedy store and they're all great and dandy. But we're all men fighting for ourselves out there. It wasn't like we were a team fighting these motherfuckers. It was every man for myself. And as soon as you had a team, you realize they stabbed you in the back to get stage time or something stupid. You know, it was about stage time.
Starting point is 00:22:29 And you're like, what the fuck, there's more to life than this guys. So I don't know. It was, it was just time to go. The holidays were killing me. Once I got the wife and the kid, it was like, what kind of holidays are these? What kind of fucking holidays are these? These people don't even say Merry Christmas to you on the street. Everybody takes off, which I don't blame.
Starting point is 00:22:49 That was maybe an end part. That was my mistake because I was so fucking, I wanted to shoot projects. Like I always knew that the best part of the year for me was December. December 1st through December 26th. When I woke up every morning, my dick was hard because I knew there was a roll. I knew that was gonna come out that season with something because all these other suckers would leave. And I go, okay, watch these motherfuckers that leave. These are the same people that tell you nothing's happening to them.
Starting point is 00:23:17 And I'd say to them, guys, stay here now. Because there's not many fucking things I booked on the tour. I remember I shot a fucking NFL commercial on Christmas Eve. And yeah, and no one else was there. No one else was there. And by being there, the guy goes, hey, we're gonna shoot another commercial. Then another commercial, we need an actor for that one. Stick around for the block.
Starting point is 00:23:38 So I shot two NFL commercials. There were shitty commercials because there were NFL promos and I got 306 for them. So I made 212, 306. I made 612 for the fucking day, but at least I made $612 on Easter. But I would sell my Christmases for those stupid rolls. Like I wanted a bookshed. I wanted my January to be busy. Right.
Starting point is 00:24:00 But even like you're saying with your family, but for me, I would see my mom twice a year for a week. And I'm 34 now. I didn't think I'd want to be living with my mom at this point. But it's been a great two years to see her every day. And I told you that, didn't I? Yeah, you always said go back home. Living with mom when you're a little lost, when the shit gets dangerous, you know, you go back to your basement. I don't go to your bedrooms now or study.
Starting point is 00:24:29 I don't give a fuck, mom. Yeah. I'll sleep next to the water heater. I don't give a friend's fuck downstairs just to smell that smell. And it brings you back. It brings you, for me, I just wanted to, I don't know, I just wanted to get back. I wanted to get my life back to normally. That was basically the fuck it, you know?
Starting point is 00:24:47 Or whatever version of normal. Well, normal. And the normal that I like is what I'm doing right now. This is the most that I want to do. You know, AC DC got a song about whatever and it's, I love the lyrics, you know. I know I ain't doing much, doing nothing means a lot to me. I mean, look. Doing nothing means a lot to me because I have not stopped since I was 13, 12, 11 years.
Starting point is 00:25:13 I haven't fucking stopped. I haven't fucking stopped. I get up in the morning and I go outside, drink my coffee for 20 minutes. I tell the world how grateful I am to be in the world and shit. And I think about like, what do I got to do? It went from me doing, I remember my notebooks, like my schedules. I would have 10 things in a fucking day. 10 things.
Starting point is 00:25:33 I remember like getting home and going, woof. And going, fuck, I got to go back to the comedy store and do three more shows tonight. Now I wake up, I got three things on my books. And you're happy. And I'm fucking ecstatic. I don't have these idiots calling me off fucking day trying to put me in clubs and all this shit. I don't have any of that. And I don't want any of that stuff.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I'm very happy with those fucking six shows in New York. I am. You guys, you have no idea. You have no idea. Somebody's been calling me a dear friend and like, listen, they want you at this place September 27 to 28. No, I don't want to do it because that'll be five shows in September. I only want to do three a month. How's that for you motherfuckers?
Starting point is 00:26:16 And just beginning to see mercy too. Get in the seat. Grow up. This is the most time I've spent with her and she's almost 10 and she's funny. Like she's funny. Like she's turning into like the perfect mixture of both of you. We were out last night and we're, I was joking with her about the weather and she goes, it was what it was. Like that's what they should say at the end of the newscast.
Starting point is 00:26:37 What's the weather? It was what it was the days over. What is it? And I'm like, you're nine years old. We hang out with a black couple that I love to death. They're interracial and they're great people. The dude is black and I love them to death. Whenever mercy see them, she goes, what's up homie?
Starting point is 00:26:56 My heart stops. My heart stops. She calls everybody else by their first name, but for some reason she calls his brother. She goes, what up homie? And I fucking just shake my head. I'm like, oh, this is not going to work out. But I'm used to it. No, that was another thing, Lee.
Starting point is 00:27:13 The, the biggest problem I had with LA towards the end was how can I raise my daughter in this fucking city? Yeah. How can I raise my daughter in this city where, you know, I love when people judge LA and they've never been there. They don't just know. They just don't know and they'll sit in their fucking newspaper article at the New York Times or the New York Post or whatever the fuck they do. And they sit there because the rules change when you're in LA. The rules change. You know, the other night I was watching, anybody see this?
Starting point is 00:27:46 The thing about Woodstock. The 99. Yeah. Didn't we just have that on? Was that here? Yeah, we just had that on. Did you watch it? There was one a couple months ago.
Starting point is 00:27:55 Three episodes. It's on Netflix. It's 99. I'm going to tell you what I saw. Episode one, I saw a lot of naked women. I saw a lot of people naked, a lot of naked women. The first night when I watched, because the first night we watched two episodes and then we watched the third with you. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:28:13 By the time the first one was open, I looked at my wife and I go, I'm surprised. They didn't report a lot more rapes. You know. You would think so with all the drugs and booze. And by fucking the third episode, they were like after that thing. Well, right there, right as soon as I told my wife episode two, the red hot chili peppers were on stage and something had happened. I don't even know if it's a red hot chili pepper. Something had happened and a truck had pulled into the middle of it.
Starting point is 00:28:43 They're on stage and all of a sudden a truck just pulls like, you know, 50 yards away. But what the fuck? A truck. And the security ran in there. By the time the security got in there, they opened the truck and there was a guy putting his pants on and a 15 year old girl naked. Jesus. So I was like, what did I tell you, Terry? And we're getting to this point.
Starting point is 00:29:05 The point is, once episode three came, they were discussing all the rapes and all the rapes that occurred and it was horrible. Women were getting groped and tortured. They were fucking them in the corners, raping them in the corners. It was not good. And they didn't even tell you everything. You know what I'm saying? Because they just went up what was released. They didn't tell you all the shit, which you have to as an American, as a human being, you're like there's more shit.
Starting point is 00:29:30 If all this shit happened, if they built the fire. I mean, and it was, again, I'm sorry for my language, but this shit's got to be stopped. It was white people shit. Okay. And I'm not talking about the people who went to the concert. You ready for this one? You got 250,000 people at a concert. This is one of the reasons I didn't do comedy during the fucking COVID.
Starting point is 00:29:56 Because this was 99. These kids paid. First off, it was 100 degrees and they took their water when they came in. Made them pay for water. I mean, it was just a ton of shit that, listen, it's greed, but then the white shit came in. 250,000 people and the guy that organized Woodstock and 66 or whatever it was, 69, wanted to pass out candles. To what? To a forest fire?
Starting point is 00:30:22 What are you going to do? No, he wanted to pass out candles because the head of the Columbine had just happened. Oh, geez. And the head of the Columbine Society for Kids. And again, I understand I'm very compliant. I know what your losses are, but this is 250 fucking thousand savages. And you want to go out there and give out 250,000 candles because you want to take a picture for awareness at youth of gun control. It would be such a great moment.
Starting point is 00:30:51 No, it wouldn't. These guys are animals. They haven't slept in three days. They're fucking filled with fucking drugs. They smell like shit. They covered in shit. They were swimming in shit. The New Jersey board and the New York board went up there and tested the water.
Starting point is 00:31:03 These people shouldn't even have skin by now within the shit and the fucking dirt. And what was Rome, New York, you know, when you look at this, you know, that's not a safe place for a fucking girl. And that, and like that's, I think that's what the difference is, though. They wanted the picture with the candles, but with all the money they made from that festival, they could have made a huge donation to some organization. But no, they wanted the, they wanted the picture because it would look good and they don't care. They don't give a fuck. So to get to my thing, I noticed that there was a lot of naked women and I'm like, something must have happened. One ally guys, when you go to places like the store, when you go to places like Dantana's, when you go to any of these places and he, I would never went to a club in that life.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Like, I don't know what a club is in LA, but I got to tell you, there's got to be tons of these women in this club. All these women are walking into these clubs, whether you like it, and I'm not explaining myself correctly, but they're walking in that naked without being naked. That's a lot of play, but yeah, LA especially. That's a lot of places, guys. They're walking in there naked, even though they're not naked. They're walking in there with their fucking nostrils wide open. And it's like those young girls that went to Woodstock, you know, they got sold a party. Guys, it's not a fucking party.
Starting point is 00:32:25 It's not a fucking party. It's like this chick that's suing my man there, you know, beautiful people. We all live in Maryland Manson. When you go on a date with Maryland Manson, you got to suppose that some part of the date, he's going to go to put a candle in your asshole. Lit, okay? Because it's Maryland Manson does. But you're a girl from like fucking Boulder, you think you want to party with Maryland Manson? Then when he puts a crowbar up your pussy, you want to fucking complain.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I get it. I get it. But if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt, ladies. This is something. This is the reason why I pulled my daughter out of LA. Because I couldn't teach my daughter how to not play with fire and get burnt when she looked around. All those women were in the game to get burnt. They didn't know they were going to get burnt, but they're going to get fucking burnt.
Starting point is 00:33:08 And you know, for all these people who are sticking up, listen, you guys have no idea what goes on in those disgusting places like LA. I mean, you know, everybody talks about Harvey Weinstein. What about the women that did sleep with Harvey Weinstein? I wish before he dies, he puts that book out. So you see, you know, listen, man, I'll sleep with him one time, but I'll have a career. You still slept with him. You still got a fucking asterisk, not to your fucking name. You know, that's how I put it.
Starting point is 00:33:34 You're like fucking anybody who did steroids. Like Barry Bonds? Huh? They're the Barry Bonds of acting. Yeah, you're like a Barry Bonds of fucking acting. You know, you sucked hard. I want to know how many women dick suck Harvey Weinstein's dick. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:46 And even all those women that he came over and knocked on that door and raped them, you know, I can't do this shit. Lee can't do this shit. So there's something to do with power and out in LA that makes that makes everybody kind of sell their soul. That makes everybody in a way walk around naked. When I got that walked around naked, I didn't know what to fucking expect. And then as you're there a couple months, you're like, you know what? This is the jungle. This ain't no place to walk around fucking naked.
Starting point is 00:34:15 These people playing for keeps. There's a thousand horrible stories that come out of LA, motherfucker. You guys just don't hear them. Horrible. Horrible. For every hundred girls that come in on that fucking Greyhound bus every day in LA, two thousand of them leave fucked up from what they fucking seen. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:33 What the desperation is. I still remember moving to LA. And again, I didn't know what was going on. People said you go to Runyon Canyon and you walk. Right. So I lived down the block from Runyon Canyon. I remember I went to Runyon Canyon like three times. It's a bunch of fucking jerk off.
Starting point is 00:34:52 But I still remember walking on to Runyon Canyon and they had Yogi Steve. Right. He used to do yoga on the side. I didn't know him at that time. So sometimes I would pull to the right. I would go to the left just to see what the people were doing, yoga, jumping jacks. But I would listen to this table over here. There was eight girls at this table.
Starting point is 00:35:10 They would sit there at nine o'clock and bring their audition sheets. This is how desperate and retarded these fucking people were. They would bring their audition paperwork to this fucking table with these other eight girls. They all had baseball hats on and they would sit there and talk about they went to Jack's house. They were talking about Jack Nicholson and what Jack would make him do and how great Jack was. And he's great. Oh my God. He had blow last night.
Starting point is 00:35:38 He got it from India, from these Indians that I would sit down and go, these bitches. And even then, this is my first two weeks in that line. I would look at these girls and go, these girls have no clue the animals that they're dealing with. At that time, I figured fucking, he was my age, Jack Nicholson, 59, 57 when I got that line, maybe. These girls were 20. You know they were all sucking that old Hollywood cock from an easy ride of being on a motorcycle and shit. You know, I mean, think about it. You need that in your life.
Starting point is 00:36:11 These girls are parading themselves now in some community in Idaho, telling people they were actresses. Meanwhile, they still got the taste in their mouth from that old nut in Jack Nicholson's fucking, you know. Witness relocation program for all the people who sucked his dick. It's, it's, I don't, I look at that right now, man. Now I see right, like, when you're there, you don't see this. And I've told Lee and I've told you guys, when I look at Instagram sometimes, and I see these videos of women and stuff, I'm like, these people losing their fucking mind. These are millionaires.
Starting point is 00:36:39 These people millionaires jumping up and fucking down. You know, if I was a millionaire, I wouldn't be fucking jumping up and down a goddamn fucking video. I'd be at home counting those 20s. There's a big fucking difference. I mean, but it's, uh, I think that that's how bad the pandemic has been. It's fucked people up. It fucked me up. Um, but then again, I got, when I got back here, I didn't know dog.
Starting point is 00:37:04 I was so out of it. It's hard not to be. It's hard. It's hard to know because you, like, if you watch the news or you pay attention to what's happening, it seems like everything's burning. The world's going to end. And then like you just come back. Like I think that's probably why the homeless problem is the way it is in all up and down California.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Cause people, like you said, people go there and lose their mind and they don't leave. They don't go. The lucky ones go to Iowa. There's a lot of them who are just, they had, they lost everything. I really felt that was a setup towards the end also in LA. I thought LA towards the end. I seen the homeless population quadruple and just a short amount of time, something wasn't right. And then they would move around in two hundreds or a hundred.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Don't they need a bus? They got nothing but time. They just walk. I guess something was going on that way. Like, you know, 2016 was one thing. What about the ones in Vegas though? Have you seen the homeless people? Those are scary.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Vegas, San Francisco. Listen man, the fucking west coast is done. Ground zero. What's that area they call in Seattle now? Manifestation area downtown. Oregon. Guys, it's a, I'm very happy that I'm sitting put. I'm very happy.
Starting point is 00:38:25 And you're going to, if you want to ask me right out, I'll tell you. Yes, I'm scared. Yes. I'm scared to get on a plane and go do four fucking shows at a comedy club that doesn't give a fuck whether I want to lose for the, for the sake of nothing. You know, I don't, I could just, life is so unpredictable now. Every Monday when you wake up, they fucking throw these shootings down. And it's like these shootings can't happen.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Like you keep going, what? Another shooting this weekend in Cincinnati two weeks ago in Chicago. So when is the next one? And it's funny. I went to the mall yesterday. I had to go pick up something. The freehold mall. And I pulled them up and I saw a cop car.
Starting point is 00:39:08 And I go, I wonder if he's here resting shoplifters or something to happen. I went and I picked up the book. I walked out and I saw the cop car there. There was nobody in there. And I'm like, oh, he's probably here as a deterrent for shootings at a mall or something like that. Yeah. And I'm like, wow, how fucked up is that?
Starting point is 00:39:25 That you're driving by one day. You go, holy shit, my kid needs a pair of sneakers. You pull into the fucking mall. You got a half hour to kill. You walk into the mall. And all of a sudden there's a fucking shooter. And maybe you get shot. Maybe you don't.
Starting point is 00:39:39 What does that do to your fucking day? It destroys. And that's, that's what I think it is. At least because LA is not all bad. No, not at all. But I think what we, what happened is we got lucky and we, like you're saying, you don't want to, like you're scared to go on a plane, but you just realized that there's things you'd rather do.
Starting point is 00:39:59 And we were able to like just change our lives during the pandemic in that way. There's some people who, because of either losing their job or the work, they just got angrier during the pandemic. And like, we're just two separate sides. I think you either got better or you got a lot worse during the pandemic. Cause like, yeah, LA and LA just attracts those kinds of people that it's just, it's a very selfish, cause who wants to be a movie star? Very selfish, self centered.
Starting point is 00:40:30 And I get it. There's a lot of great actors, but it's people who think they're the best. And like, didn't someone just shave their eyebrow last week? Like a rapper. Yeah. She did on Instagram live and her, her publicist was calling her, stop it. What are you like, and she was on the phone. She's like, oh, they're losing their mind.
Starting point is 00:40:50 I'm shaving my eye. Like that's, it's like that candle thing. Their goal is not to create good content. Their goal is not to be good people. Their goal is to get as many views as possible, which can be good. But a lot of it, cause there's a lot of good, there's a lot of great TV and move, but there's a lot of shit out there that's just like, I want to have you get hit. Have you seen the stuff on like YouTube where people prank like they'll run up to you and
Starting point is 00:41:21 throw shit at you at a store, like whisper in your ear. No. And people, like, I think people have gotten killed. Haven't they? Like some YouTube pranksters have gotten killed because like they, they, yeah. And they think it's hysterical and it's, yeah. No, we, we made the right, but, and life is like all, all the fun you get to have going to like, you went to a Phillies game, you went to a Yankees game.
Starting point is 00:41:49 I didn't do this for 30 years. No. I didn't do this for 30 years. Cause when I was in, I was in, I enjoy how I feel now about comedy. It's a, it's, I'm going to go down there. I'm going to give my best, whatever happens, happens. You know, I do some writing, whatever, but I'm not working for the agents. I'm not, I don't give a fuck with Netflix.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Thanks. I don't give a fuck with anybody. Thanks. But to, to, to correct myself, I'm not scared. Of like, uh, you know, getting stabbed or something. I'm scared for people. I'm scared for me in general. You know, I'm scared.
Starting point is 00:42:23 I'll tell you what, my brother went to Chicago this weekend for Comic Con. On the way there, there was no problem. The flight, great, blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. He got there late and then they bumped them. You know, it's, you know, anything about my brother. You give him a million dollars. He won't get there on time.
Starting point is 00:42:40 So seriously, it's not even funny anymore at 59. It's not even funny though. And, uh, that night I told him, I said, change the flight right now. Cause six, 15, I don't see it. Ah, no, no, I'm different now. Next day I just called at 11. Let's see where he's at. I'm, I'm eating breakfast at fucking Newark.
Starting point is 00:43:00 What happened to six, 15? Oh, you're not going to believe it. The Uber driver went the wrong way. Yeah. I'm surprised you weren't monitoring the flight to see if it got canceled. I already know the story. You don't need to get the details. Like I told you, you just know that person, you know what they're about.
Starting point is 00:43:17 They're getting thrown themselves into this fucking hell. Let's play the handout. Sit down. No, no, no. I'm going to watch him, watching what he does. You know, he could have changed that flight for the 10 o'clock. He didn't. He challenged himself.
Starting point is 00:43:30 I'm going to be there straight 15. I go, what time did you get there? We got there at six 20. No, you didn't. But that's the thing. Not even, you know, my daughter has softball in the week. He'll call it three. What time is softball?
Starting point is 00:43:43 Six. Same field. Same field. Six 50. You'll see him with a chair, with a bag. What happened? Oh, no, traffic. I brought ginger ale.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Why? Why did you bring ginger ale? Who asked you? Who told you we wanted ginger ale? Like you bring in ginger ale and it changed 50 fucking minutes. 50 fucking minutes. I mean, he's hysterical. But anyway, on the way back last night, again, he called me before he was going to get on
Starting point is 00:44:10 the plane at 430. I'm like, because he can't do it. Do you know in 1987, he was coming to Colorado. It took him three days. He kept eating valium at the airport and passing out and sleeping during his flight. By the time I got my Cuban sandwiches, they had mold on him three days later. Oh, I told him. I think after the second day.
Starting point is 00:44:28 I kept, he was stuck in Pittsburgh. I kept telling him, dog, don't lose those sandwiches. I'll fucking kill you. Because that's all I didn't want to see him. I just want the fucking sandwich. But, uh, he, this morning I talked to him and you're ready for this. He had a 430 flight. When he got on the flight, he fucking passed out.
Starting point is 00:44:45 He did not know the flight was taken off at 430. He was arriving at Newark at 907. What time did it land in Newark? 930 last night. But when he landed, when he landed, they held him on the tarmac from 930 to 10 fucking 50. Listen, guys. The worst. I don't mind on the way in.
Starting point is 00:45:08 If I'm going somewhere and you call me at the airport and the airport says, flight 1154 or Chicago is canceled. Listen, cancel the Zainese weekend. The talk is not coming. I'm not waiting. I'm telling you right now, if I book a fucking weekend, this is why I took New York guys. This is why I did the five shows in New York. Trust me.
Starting point is 00:45:28 I'm saving everybody aggravation because if I were to book Miami and I get to Newark, Newark is the number two most canceled fucking airport in the country. I don't know what number one is. I don't know. Hell. But if I get to that fucking airport and it says delayed and I'm going to Miami right there, I called whatever the club is and go, listen, we'll give it a shot in six months. I'm not staying here all day.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Not next week. And I'm not giving him my luggage. That's why I'll keep my weed and everything on the sleep at me because if they said, well, you know what? Hey, here's a 50, send it to the house. Federal Express. I'm not even waiting because they, if they cancel a flight, it takes you two hours to get your luggage back.
Starting point is 00:46:08 I mean, Simone and New Orleans weekend man. People like, well, we'll send you a helicopter. That's great. But we got no fucking luggage. Right. They didn't give it to us. So I'm not playing that shit at all. Now, let me tell you the other side of that coin.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Let's say I do make it to Miami and I do the fucking great five shows. We had a show on Thursday and I get to that airport six o'clock in the morning. And it says canceled. What happened on 9 11 is going to be a door prize to what I'm going to do with that fucking amp. Oh, I'm going to pull my hairs out. I'm going to call a repilot a cocksucker to check at the front desk. When she tells me there's no flight to 11 or they tell you now, uh, tomorrow or 10,
Starting point is 00:46:44 I'll lose it. So before that happens, I'll sit here. Yeah. I'll sit here. I'll do Uncle Vinny's. I'll do the stress factory and I'll do fucking the Sony theater till February and then we'll see how it looks in February. And February is looking a little better with the sky.
Starting point is 00:47:00 Then we'll fucking start taking flights. But if not, I'll sit here to my ass grows roots. I don't need to go anywhere. I really don't. I don't need to go to California. I need to go to your fucking wedding. So if you invite me to a wedding, listen, I wouldn't go to your wedding if you got married next door.
Starting point is 00:47:15 I was going to say, you can't blame the pandemic on the wedding. No, I'm not going to fucking nowhere. I'm like, let all these assholes that go to these weddings and we're going to Mexico. Let them get delayed for 12 hours. You get down there. You hate the fucking room and the fucking bride. Fuck sucker. 12 hours to come to your fucking retarded wedding.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Everybody's got to dress in white. Make believe they're having a good time on the beach. You know, fucking weddings with that shit. Meanwhile, she's sucking dick at white cast for the last 10 years in the back of the car. Now she's dressed in white and we all got to be nice. Oh my God, you look so beautiful. You look like a spring bride. Who gives you?
Starting point is 00:47:51 Fucking dirty or not get the fuck off. All right. Sick and tired. It's too pretty going on. What up, dog? Where's those edibles? What are we doing? I'm not inviting you to a wedding, I guess.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Huh? I want to invite you to a wedding. I don't want to go to no fucking weddings, guys. I don't have fucking eight hours. Mike's having like a two hour wedding. That's it. Work job. Get the fuck out.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Four hours. He'll be there for two. Two. Two. I'll dance one time. I won't even say goodbye. No, that's the best. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:21 There's smoke. I used to have to keep an eye on you because if we went to a club, you told me, like, I'll leave you here. When I'm ready to go, you better be ready to go. I always had to keep an eye on you. I'm ready to leave. When I'm ready to go, I gots to go. This is the circle.
Starting point is 00:48:37 You got two minutes from that. This is it. Wrap it up. I don't care about. Listen, let's get together for a look. Look right here. Wrap it up. Let's have a conversation and say, be the la vista.
Starting point is 00:48:51 We'll see you next week. And we'll go. I'll leave you. Bro, my mercy. Godfather. I left her. I left his wife at the Judas Priest concert when we were 17. I told that bitch, we got to go and her little girlfriend she brought was puking.
Starting point is 00:49:05 You deal with that. I don't give a fuck. I ain't waiting for you. You know, I brought you as a favor. You tag the long fucking, you know, lay down Sally. She's puking out a fucking Thompson. That's not me. Drop off at the red hot chili peppers. No fuck with me dog. I don't give a freshman's fuck
Starting point is 00:49:25 Last night my friends went to rage against the machine real they're doing concerts. Yeah, they're doing the garden all fucking weak I will say this though as much as everything's have changed You're like somehow you're now the king people will recognize it We're calling out to you that you knew like at Carvel last night like people would drive by just in the area you live in and Like the entire town Friends from jiu-jitsu. Oh, I know a little Mexican little Puerto Rican dude Which is a little Asian dude. I saw hit a left. He came over. Hi, Mr. Diaz. Come on, dog You fucking smell my feet in jiu-jitsu. Don't call me mister
Starting point is 00:50:06 You were saying you farted in jiu-jitsu the other day. Oh my god. Some guy had me in psych control I was about to sweep him and right here had this knee shield up and that little fart came out and Bank shop off the mat right into his fucking face. Oh, he couldn't attack me if he wanted to That's a good move. That's uncle Joey's secret weapon Lee. I'm happy it down here this week. I'm happy that uh You came down you introduced us to your fucking girlfriend a lot of change in Lee's life And I'm very proud of him. He's got a nice girlfriend. You know, he's got a different fucking world Mike's about to get married. Everybody's getting old guys I mean, you know, it's funny how
Starting point is 00:50:45 We're sitting here in front of you today and you're like, come on guys Spark it. What the fuck guys It's not Even we smoked earlier. Oh, yeah, I did a fucking nice bong hit before But it's not what it used to be. I just did a weed inventory the other day and I found Two bags of weed in my closet that I haven't even fucking touched. I mean, they're not a lot of weed It's good weed. I gave something to Mike today, you know, most people don't have an inventory Oh, yeah, I have you have an actual inventory written down. You know, you got to know what's there for the
Starting point is 00:51:15 I got to prepare for the winter. Oh, I didn't think it was written down. You just have enough to have an inventory I got it written down. I know how many fucking ABX CBD tablets in that bag. I started with 6,000. Oh the down to like 1800 now and shit Well, you're just every time you eat when you just write like a little thing on the When I eat four I put five I put the check across go look at that notebook. It's 10 pages. It looks like fucking Do you do like a date like you should do like a whole journal like an edible journal Just an edible journal. I gotta see what I mean what you ate what you thought of dog. Listen guys You know the sad thing is and people could laugh and whatever the fuck it is
Starting point is 00:51:55 We weren't getting high and I like we were way past that The edible count and everything else count in LA was not existed I could sit here and tell you guys What did we smoke last night? I did two bong hits. She smoked a joint. Yeah, I did two freeze pipes. Maybe three freeze pipes. That's it guys I don't need anything. I've been threatened to take out the big freeze pipe the bong the king of the bongs Who are you threatening you because I want you to my dream Is Philly to be doing a bong hit and I just flies out that that's gonna happen
Starting point is 00:52:29 We have to pick that take the eye put in the baggy drive him to the hospital and then they'll give him the honorary Fucking the eyepatch. He'll be walking around with an eyepatch His jew is uh jew his eyeball of being a little glass or whatever If you're looking good, if he needs to look into your asshole, then he'll put the other eye in To focus if he needs to look at your clit make sure you haven't got to run over by a fucking hot wheel You know, oh, but you were talking like about hash earlier Like we smoke ways that haven't been around in 20 years Like the hash under a glass that we used to do we're getting fucked up
Starting point is 00:53:02 We used to oh and people were trying to do but the hash would melt and they would go What the fuck because you got that shitty hash we had the one-eyed jew direct from israel That shit was the shit they gave to fucking the Palestinians when they capture them Dog the weed I smoked at today. That's the shit that alex jones smoke when he got the tab that 48 million dollars So he got that they just gave him a join this He took a hit of that and he gave it back and they looked at the tab and got to Bring it back Bring it back a little bit a lot of fucking zeros guys
Starting point is 00:53:34 But I wanted to fill a lot of people in what happened in LA it was uh Here I could tell you what the fuck I eat in LA. I can't even tell you You couldn't I was thinking about the day with the banana bread. What's one? Well It was one of my worst days because I didn't play it like I I should have you know And that's that's just to let you guys know I used to go to this one fucking weed store and they had banana bread It was russian Steve's motherfuckers gave out bagels at 7 30 in the morning and they would have city workers in front of it
Starting point is 00:54:07 It was you could only write this shit nobody ever busted them Nobody ever pulled over. I don't know if he had a license or not or whatever, but he did have some cool people working in that And I would go in that And he would go joey three customers came in today and two of them bought your banana bread But for you Yeah, I would he would tell me after the fact like after I went up there and dropped my 200 then he would go joey By the way somebody and I go Why'd you let me buy these four?
Starting point is 00:54:37 If I already got fucking two, you know, like that's the way our life was There was a when we first started rolling like by 2014 13 12 Everywhere we were going. There was a bag of weed for us Okay, and wherever we went whoever gave us a bag of weed. We didn't want to let their feelings down So we did whatever we had to right there I still remember ante Dolores and san jose When I ate the 500 milligram brownie and I almost had if I almost died They had to bring me a chicken sandwich because I was right about to go on stage
Starting point is 00:55:08 And just everything took over me and I'm like, why would I eat that? I'm like, bro When you're in war, you gotta have that uniform on you know what I'm saying. We're at war I used to go to open mics high because I'm like joey's gonna have me go on stage high So I have I have to be I have to be and and that's the thing because here's here's the card that I will give you We can't I can't do Anywhere near the milligrams I used to be able to do no, but but I could handle it Like I'm just I'm so used to like the feeling of being high
Starting point is 00:55:40 Like I don't think I would ever freak out or like I might fall asleep But I'm not gonna like freak out or like lose it or call an ambulance. Like I I'm like, oh, okay I know what this feels like Well before I was over the top. I mean come on. Who eats mushrooms 2000 nettles and a half a hit of acid That's who We did, you know That's that's that's one week of episodes
Starting point is 00:56:06 That was the one week with dean delray when you got sick that night. Yeah, that wasn't necessary I felt horrible that night. I felt horrible because that wasn't necessary. The poor kid was asking me. Are we in the hospital? Because in the office, he kept asking me are we in the hospital? He would talk to me He would look at the lights and go we're in the hospital. I'm like There were blinds that reflected onto the tv screen So it would come in and out of consciousness and it looked like I was looking out of like a window in a room And I was like, oh my I hope I'm not Oh, yeah, we had fun though
Starting point is 00:56:40 Doug we had nights. We had guests that were tremendous. We had People that were tremendous. We saw li got to see some shit that You know from actors popular actors well-known actors li got to see some shit that was like You know and it was an education It really was an education for li and it was definitely a fucking education for me and I got to tell you man I think me and mike had these conversations when we started doing the podcast and I told mike specifically And he didn't understand why I'm like, I don't want to go there again I don't ever want to go to that podcast again
Starting point is 00:57:21 It was great. You know those things that when you do they're great while it happened I mean if you sit down slash and and and uh axle And talk about you know the three years they were on the road It sucked I bet it sucked. I bet they had a You know a lot of money and it didn't suck, you know, they got their dick sucked. They got hammered. They did drugs They made money. I mean that's what it means to go on the road That's what it means to go on the road. But when they went home that day
Starting point is 00:57:49 When they got on the plane they looked at each other and go and they don't talk for a year after you've been together for three years You know zizi top all those bands at one point went out for so long that when you land you're like See you, you know, we're not talking at all Don't call don't write tell the manager when you're ready to write a lyric tell the manager to call and you're like, listen I ain't never writing a fucking lyric again. So it's like but when you look all those guys I would love to interview jimmy page about the 77 tour now Not in 78 Where his perspective was a lot different
Starting point is 00:58:24 Now now I could look at my comedy what I did in that lango while it was fun. It was scary I'll do it again. But do I want to know I don't want to go to that place again that 80 the fucking You know the 90s were great the year old 2000s great, but I got to live like this weird Like I went from just an open mic comic to like a comedy store comic that Just a limbo for five or six years when I realized what I really wanted to do and then I locked in So it was a long fucking time a lot of thinking You know, and it wasn't a lot of thinking a lot of planning guys
Starting point is 00:59:02 And it gets old It gets old after a while and I look at these guys that I came up with bird joe all these guys They're they're still out there making it happen, but they're not 59 They're not 59 Birds getting close, you know tom's getting close Joes up there. I think joe's birthday is uh, maybe this week or next week. I don't fucking know He turns whatever 55 or something. But it was when I was about 58 57 It was when I started to feel it and I wouldn't have felt it guys if I didn't have a family
Starting point is 00:59:36 If I didn't have a family it wouldn't have mattered I would have been dead by now from the road like I told terry if we wouldn't add mercy She would still have a great job And I wouldn't have came back on tuesdays and mondays I would come back and do four podcasts and then leave for two weeks. When am I coming back for? right I don't have to take it to swim meets or anything like that. So I want people to understand that that's part of the whole thing. You know mercy was the one that was like that
Starting point is 01:00:05 I don't like this no more It's not fun anymore. You know, it's fun, but not really. I don't like you gone that much And that weekend with burt when I got back that was the end That was the end well even just her coming down to watch tv with us last night If you were gone, she can't do that if you like even if you were at the store you would have been gone Listen, I missed the daughters growing up already. There was a daughter's life that went by and I didn't see it I was not going to do it again and not to stand up You're right, you know not to stand up not at the I already did everything I wanted to do
Starting point is 01:00:40 So what would I stung out three or four more years five more years like doing the arena? And then watch start from scratch I was ready to move on man to take my life in a different direction to help other people maybe I don't know. I don't know sell some weed. I don't fucking know But that's you know, that's what life is about and I have accepted it. You know, I told my wife today I'm I'm comfortable in my skin again I'm very very comfortable in my skin. I know what my mission is I got no mission. It's like that
Starting point is 01:01:11 uh, commercial with snoop dog and the guy from Uh, 22 whatever that show was on that I did you know 20 24? No What's that? He has a commercial with a young kid Now and the kid goes from so snoop. What are we going to do and he goes No plans is the best plan and the guy's checking his phone. Yeah, and he throws his phone into the bucket. Oh, I missed that one Yeah, I did that show. What's this fucking show on fox with the kid from signing out live adam Somburg and that fucking hook face. They went over there. Brooklyn 99 Brooklyn 99 now you're fucking It's like the joe deez trivia game
Starting point is 01:01:46 Yeah, the chick that's fucking weird To the joe deez is a bad guy campaign and then fucking took off the campaign hook face. Well, she fucking She's in that show too But no, I'm happy life changed. I'm happy. We're here. I'm happy. We can still do a podcast with no brothers and arms You know, uh That's it mother fuckers. It's a beautiful fucking Wednesday. It's laid back and this is us Two years fucking later almost We we stopped the podcast two fucking years ago like in july august
Starting point is 01:02:19 It was august. We left it because we left august 19th, so it was two weeks before that So it might have been like today. Yeah, I don't know what day today To the 10th. Yeah, and if you look at our last podcast was a polly Well, it was polly, but we we went and recorded it and then put up polly from a couple years before Who was the real last podcast might have been sam? Was it sam? That was a good fucking podcast when he showed us the can with The lights all came and had coronavirus in it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, and then the new ones that came out didn't have coronavirus in He's like, I told you something's not going on fucking sam
Starting point is 01:02:54 That's one dude. I miss abx hit me up last week And they go, are you coming back to hell anytime soon? I go nah and they go because sam's doing comedy chaos And we're the sponsors again. So I was like, man, that would be fun Going to tuesday fucking do the early show. That was a fun night of that was fucking fun And listen guys listen If we all went back to the store One of those tuesday nights, it would be great But at the end of the night, we would all walk away and go
Starting point is 01:03:25 That was different right now. I want those memories just to sit in my mind Right the store the church I want those memories just to sit in my mind. It's like I told my wife and your girlfriend last night that Things happen sometimes Nothing is worse than somebody going We're gonna reboot something And then you see it and you go First of all, we rebooted the church. Everybody would hate us
Starting point is 01:03:53 Because it's not the same We're not the same people would think differently We don't have the same people around us. I mean, you know Uh and just it just wouldn't work. We both evolved from that. Mike's evolved. I've evolved. I mean, I can't I don't know what to fucking say. I wouldn't know what to do. You know It all happened naturally we never like And there's no this is no hate to any other podcast But some podcasts try to have like the fun that we had
Starting point is 01:04:18 It some of it feels like oh, this is the podcast. We didn't always take edit We took him a lot, but like we we took edibles Just because like it wasn't it wasn't like the show wasn't an edible show It was like we were taking edibles and having fun Wasn't like we were going back and forcing Like oh, let's take edibles. Let's be crazy No, it wasn't like that at all because to be honest with the people We were doing edibles every day
Starting point is 01:04:45 I mean, we're talking about the rides we took and how we made it to these places No, we went to Harris in San Diego. I couldn't even fucking see I was so hot All I could see were lights and shit in front of me. You know, we went to we used to go to Irvine that before Thanksgiving That was always A 200 300 milligram two eights of weed down there. We just draw it on the table I still remember getting yoshi high on the fucking banana bread. Oh, that's a great one You know, I have not heard from him since he's never spoken to me again for yoshi We took him back to japan. He was flying through the fucking air with swords and shit
Starting point is 01:05:20 I'm happy you came down Lee. I love you more than welcome always to come down and hang out and have a good time with us And hey, we're here. We're still making it happen Regardless of what the fuck's going on. Don't forget to go to amazon or the Tremendous tremendous story of a comedy savage. It's still pre-order Uh, and that's it. That's all I got going on tickets to sold out in new york. Do not buy A ticket over 40 dollars Do not buy a ticket over 40 dollars. Do not buy a ticket over 40 dollars. Don't be so stupid That 400 dollars save your money. You don't need to see joey. Joey will add more shows later
Starting point is 01:05:59 We are not making ticketron rich. We are not making ticketron rich We're doing a fucking pro jam all over again. Fuck ticketron Charging 400 dollars for working class people that I put those tickets at 40 fucking dollars I hope you guys know that 40 dollars. That was perfect two years. That's 80 20 for the babysitter Hopefully she's missing her hands. She can't chase the kids, you know, of course like 50 for a fucking babysitter But anyway, okay, you know what I'm saying that price for one hand do not Do not Fucking pay over 40 dollars for those tickets. I'll be back. I'll be back. Trust me when I'm telling you
Starting point is 01:06:35 Have a great weekend. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Mike. And now thank you, Mike for a word from my motherfucking sponsors jack All right, I want to thank you guys for the support. I want to thank lisa yatt for coming in today But I gotta thank you motherfuckers because you're the the goods. That's how I look at it Anyway, I got a little something for you today The joint is brought to you by bluetooth listen confidence to take your foreign life It could also help you in the bedroom. That's where bluetooth comes in you like joey. What's bluetooth? It's an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis at a fraction of a cost You know what they want for viagra when I go to adopt the 80 dollars a pill
Starting point is 01:07:17 Fuck that. That's why I popped up with bluetooth. They're tremendous the process is simple You sign up at bluetooth.com you consult one of the local medical providers And once you approve you you'll receive your prescription within days The best part of it. It's all done online. No visits to the doctor's office No awkward conversations. No nothing bluetooth tablets are made in usa and shipped in a discreet bag as the mailman No, no dick if you can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform Bluetooth is definitely gonna help you try bluetooth for free joey come free Use promo code joey and just pay five dollars for shipping bluetooth.com
Starting point is 01:07:57 Code joey for your first month for free. Do me a favor visit bluetooth.com for more information and safety information I don't want you taking any of them. You got a hard time for two months Nobody needs that shit in their life The joint is also brought to you by display. Listen This plate is a cool new metal poster you'll want in every room. They look tremendous. They're shiny They sent me a brucelly one yellow with the suit from the game of death Fucking tremendous. They got millions of designs available with gaming movies and comics and
Starting point is 01:08:31 They got licensed designs from star wars netflix and a lot of other people Takes only 20 seconds to hang a display. No power tools. No damages. No frustrations. Once you mount one But boom you could switch it out and a new plate and a flash Click the link below For some of my favorite displays you could see some of my favorite display And i'm gonna save you 29 percent You're gonna get 25 off when you buy one or two and 29 off when you buy three or or more And remember with every display that you buy they plant a tree. That's how strong display is who's better than them
Starting point is 01:09:08 Nobody discounts will automatically be applied to your cart when you click the link or use code joey joey When you visit this plate dot com again, that's this plate dot com Code joey. I want to thank this plate. I want to thank fucking blue chew. I want to thank Who else we got to thank here? Oh better help dot com gotta take care of your mind And I want to thank true classic t-shirts. They're fucking tremendous. I got I had one on today. You see how nice it fucking looks I love you cocksuckers. Say goodbye. Lee. Goodbye everyone. Thank you for listening and watching Can you believe this fucking guy stay black? I'll see you monday morning You

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.