Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #190 | STU FEINER | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

It’s Wednesday, August 17th… Today we catch up with our friend, STU FEINER!  https://www.instagram.com/stufeiner https://www.twitter.com/stufeiner https://www.stufeiner.com/picks This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Factor, Blue Chew & DraftKings… DRAFTKINGS Bet $5 get $200! Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code JOEY. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NJ/ NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. N/A in NH/OR/ON. One per new customer. Min. $5 deposit and wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 8/20/22. SGP Opt-in req. Max. wager $10. Max winnings vary. Min 3-leg SGP. SGP must lose to receive up to $10 Free Bet award. Exp. prior to start of final UFC 278 fight. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.   BLUE CHEW Visit https://www.bluechew.com and use code JOEY   FACTOR Go to https://go.factor75.com/joey130 and get $130 Off!    Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #DraftKings #BlueChew #Factor #StuFeiner The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 17th of August. The joint is brought to you by DraftKings, the official sports betting partner of the UFC. The UFC 278 has an action-packed card this Saturday night. It's Moosman against Edwards to rematch, and it's going fucking down, Jack. This Saturday, new customers can bet $5 to get 200 free bets instantly, win or lose.

If that's not enough action for you, holy shit, you can get up to a $10 risk-free, same-day parlay. Combine multiple bets, like which fighter will come out on top, or how long the fight will last, or will he knock out a disqualification, or a knockout, or a fucking decision. Listen, I don't have any fight. I'm looking at Paula Costa. I'm looking at the Luke Rock called Paula Costa fight. I'm looking at the Moosman-Edwards fight. I'm looking at another fight, but nothing's decided till I see the fucking Wayans on Friday. But before you get the fucking Wayans, download the DraftKings app right now today. Use promo code Joey. You're gonna bet $5, and then the UFC 278 fight,

and get 200 free bets instantly, win or lose. That's code Joey, J-O-E-Y, this Saturday at DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the motherfucking UFC. Here's the part the lawyers make me say. Minimum age restrictions applied. See the show notes for details. Now, download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. It's time to make some motherfucking money. Football is upon us also. And do not forget, we're also brought to you by, oh my God.

Fucking go.factor75.com. Tremendous food. The summer's winding down. These are gonna be the last two busy weeks together. That's why I saved time with Factor. Factor is ready to eat meal delivery. With Factor, a quick lunch or dinner is just two minutes away. These heat and eat meals are a lifesaver. Factor offers over 30 meals per week, and you can change your order up to every week. Choose four to 18 meals per week. Pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime. Stop spending prescient hours in the store, and then in the kitchen sweating like a fucking maggot. Let Factor deliver ready-made meals right to your door.

Each Factor meals arise prepared by their team of chefs, and they're ready to eat and eat in two minutes. They offer vegan veggie keto, pressed juices, smoothies, which are fucking tremendous. The energy bites are great, and so much more. So do me a favor. Head on over to go.factor75.com slash joey130. Again, go.factor75.com slash joey130. I'm gonna get you 130 dollars off your first six boxes. That's joey code 130, and go.factor75.com slash joey130 to save 130 dollars off your first door. And listen, so you got food, you got some money to make bets with.

Now you need to fucking get that dick harder and fucking arithmetic. Listen, confidence can take you far. It took me far, but not in the bedroom. That's where Bluetooth comes in. Bluetooth is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis at a fraction of the cost. I love fucking Bluetooth. They send you a little pouch. You can put one in your wallet when you're ready to sling dick while it's right in your wallet. And the process is simple. You sign up at bluetooth.com, you consult one of their medical providers, and once approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

That's when you call the freaks, Jack. Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA and shipped in a discrete package. You can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform. I'm not saying you got AD. Bluetooth can help you either way. Why show up with a hard dick when you could show up with Superman's dick? You understand me? Try Bluetooth for free when using promo code Joey. Just pay five hours for shipping.

Bluetooth.com code Joey for your first month free. Thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the joint. Let's get this party started. I've been talking too much. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here. Welcome to the joint. August the 7th, motherfucking teeth. It's a beautiful goddamn day to be alive. Want to talk to you guys? Listen, I'm getting fucking older, you know, as you guys could tell. The problem is I don't have no young people. I don't have no old people watching me. Old people think like I'm a fucking joke.

We probably got a couple of 50 year olds on Patreon and stuff like that. But the viewership or the people who listen to the show are usually between like 20 and 35. That's my big fucking audience. That's why I'm here. The viewership or the people who listen to the show are usually between like 20 and 35. That's my big fucking audience. That's why people always want to jump on me and ask me how I attracted such a young audience. Like that's the beauty of this whole journey.

I don't have old people coming to see me. It's not like I do a show and people come dressed up in suits with hats and their wives are all dolled up. Those savages go to like fucking see Jim Gaffigan or something like that. Those people don't want to see a fucking savage like me. But I feel at times like even at my age what I've always wanted to be was to offer a voice like an adult voice. That isn't your parent. It's not your uncle. It's not some fucking boss at work that's trying to groom you to be a butterscotch maker. Whatever the fuck they're trying to groom you to be.

But what we have here is just a guy that wants to spread some of his fucking knowledge. And a lot of people discourage me, discount me because the felonies and stuff like that. To me that's been my strength. All the fuck ups I had. When I look over that book I go wow. I'm not a funny guy. I'm a fucking survivor. I figured out how to fucking survive, you know. And when you see other survivors they fucking, you look at them and go wow.

That dude's a fucking survivor. A ton of things have happened in his life and he still wakes up with a fucking smile on his face every day. Ready to tackle the day. I spoke to some guy a couple weeks ago. He sent me an email that he had been down, that he doesn't leave his house. He's 54 fucking years old. He hasn't left the house. He's had a lot of death in his life, you know.

And I'm like everybody's had their own personal Vietnam. Everybody, everybody, you know, like the man says every hooker got a hard luck story. I'm a hooker. I fucking appease to you guys to sell tickets. I'm a hooker. I'm a fucking hooker. And I know that. But when you see people who are survivors they fucking inspire the fuck out of you. Regardless of what's coming out of their fucking mouth, you know, regardless.

They're doing something that might help you someday. You're not looking at it like that now but one day you'll, some of that knowledge you'll go holy fuck. This is what this guy said. This is what Joey said. This is what Joe Rogan said. We've been through it. We've been through it. So, and then a lot of people when you've been through something and I sit you down and go,

Hey man, I've been through this. Let me tell you how to get out of it. And you look at me and go, I got a better way. And then you fail, you know, that's what we're here for. And I'm not going to say to you, Hey, you fucked up. No, it's just, we have a better way sometimes. Hey, listen, I don't know how to change a flat tire. I don't know how to paint the fucking house.

I don't know a lot of things, but I know one thing I know about life. I told you motherfuckers LA was getting bad. Where are we now? I know the streets and I know what motivates and what gets people fired the fuck up. And when I look at stew final, like the first time I had stew on the podcast, I got a lot of shit from people like, you know, he's just noisy. He's just loud. That's what you see.

That's the first thing you see and you get can get past it. What I see is a guy that had, he was a millionaire and a bum 10 times over. So obviously he knows something. Okay. You know, at night, stew sends me his pics for the fucking week. This guy is money. I get pics from a lot of people like people go, Hey, look at this game or, you know, stew is fucking money. Those $20,000 bets he has are no fucking joke.

I gave one to Lee. I go, Lee, how much you winning? He goes, I only bet $15. I go, Lee, the guy told you to bet a 20,000 or minimum fucking bet on this shit. The guy is that good, but it's not only that that I'm, I'm excited about him. It's like what he's doing now. You know, he's, he, he decided to do a fucking cleanse at 61. I mean, just the fact the guy's smoking blunt says 61 has to tell you how much out of his fucking mind he is,

but he's good hearted. He's a good family man. That's a lot of people don't see when you see guys like stew myself. You're like, Oh, these guys are fucking out fucking around all day. No, that's the image we give you. When people get to meet me like Jesus Christ, you know, I went to this party Saturday night and he's a young kid. He came over and he spoke to me. I saw the lady who threw the party yesterday and we were talking and she goes, you know, my nephew was really shocked by you.

That he goes, you were very quiet. You were watching the game. You were playing with your daughter. He thought that it was going to be a smoking. He was in shock that you weren't high ago. He fucked up. I was high. That's the only way I would have gone to the fucking party is stoned to the gills.

But I put vizena on and my eyes already used to it. You know, I did smoke some fucking tremendous yesterday and I had to go to get medication at CVS. I took two fucking rips of this shit. Do you know how to pull over before CVS guys? You guys know me alone fucking time. I had a pillow. My eyes guys look like somebody had poked me. I thought it was UFC fire that kept poking me in the fucking eye.

Both of them were bloodshot. I kept hearing a hum in my head. I'm like, I got to pull the fuck over. I pulled over for like seven minutes. I drank my water and then I went to the fucking parking lot. I walked into CVS and God, there wasn't a line. I walked out of there with nobody even saw me. But I fucking was like, holy shit.

I'm fucking stoned. Like I'm getting stoned again. Like remember high school stoned where you got stoned and you immediately had to go to the toilet. You got stoned and you immediately had to eat something and that type of shit. But again, because I smoke pot, people discredit me. People go, well, he doesn't really know what I'm talking about. Well, guess what? With no fucking college education and all that shit, I made it all the way to here.

So obviously we knew something. And for me, it was my heart and my balls that overcame a lot of things. Trust me, my heart and balls got me into a lot of problems also. But at the end, it did a lot better for me than not having fucking balls, you know. But without further ado, I don't want to talk no more shit. I, you know, Stu came on today. We did a Zoom, which I know you motherfuckers don't like. But again, who gives a fuck what you like?

Look at what he's got to say. Look at what he's got to learn from. And maybe you could apply one of his things to your fucking life. We have no fear. We don't give a fuck. Like he said, listen, we don't give a fuck if you shut the lights out, cancel me. They tried. Remember a couple of years ago?

Well, Joe Rogan laughed. The other day I had to do an interview with a newspaper. A reporter called me out of the blue. He goes, I'd like to get your take on something. We were talking about stand up, you know, stand up in a woke culture. I think it's some guy in Texas, Houston. And he goes, there's something I got to, we have to discuss. He goes, I read into this whole thing.

What the fuck was that? And I go, guys, till this day, I can't realize what that was. That somebody saw a video from 2012 and tried to attack me and Rogan. But the funny thing was like they were throwing Rogan under the bus with Spotify. Happened. There was a Spotify people, the jealousy in the air. And they tried to talk. Rogan was laughing at my joke.

If you think about that now, who the fuck got pissed at that? I know who got pissed at that. And I know who lit the fire to try to fucking get us down. But guys, it ain't going to happen for you motherfuckers that want it to happen. Suck my dick. It's never going to happen. We're here and I'm calling the fucking shots of when I leave or when I come back or whatever. I don't play that shit at all with you cucksuckers and that's my thing.

I don't give a fuck when I go on stage anymore. I'm going to say things that are going to offend people. I'm doing it on purpose. I'm doing it on purpose. All these other jack-off comics try to be cute with doing it. No, no, no. I'm not going to try to be cute. I'm telling you, I'm fucking doing it because I don't give a fuck anymore.

It's free reign out there. You want to be woke? That's your fucking business. Take your woke ass down the fucking corner or take your tranny ass down the corner. But in my motherfucking world, you ain't canceling nobody no more. So go cancel Mr. Big. He was back on the equalizer last week. So what did you fucking accomplish, people?

You accomplished nothing. You know, you don't know what really goes on. You let somebody from 20 years ago come at you, not even knowing that situation. Not even knowing her credibility or his credibility. You just believe in them. You know what I'm saying? Go fuck yourself. Anyway, enjoy still find the cocksuckers.

I'm not coming back after it. Word, I'm going to, it's going to close up and we're going to write for the sponsors. I'm going on vacation next week. We might have a podcast for you on Monday and we might not. If not, we'll be back on the 29th. I think it's the 29th, Monday, the 29th. But don't forget, get your fucking draft Kings. Download the draft Kings fantasy app because they're doing, I'm learning about fantasy this year.

Anyway, now still fine. Enjoy. Have a great weekend. Welcome to the joint Tarzan. What's up my brother? Look how good you fucking look. How many pounds have you lost? Well, I got up to 220 and then, but I started the 52 week transformation at 210.

Now 192 and a half, seven weeks. You look great. You have a glow to you. It's never too fucking late to be a savage brother. That's the fucking truth. Holy shit. You know, man, I told you when I look at your pictures, you have the best Instagram, one of the best. It just never ends.

Not the Instagram, the Twitter, I follow you. I think I got you on Instagram, but Twitter, you are fucking hilarious on that. The food, the kids, the yelling. Yesterday you were yelling off the top of your lungs. I'm like, this fucking guy is never going to die. He's been yelling like that for 40 fucking years. Wild. It's wild.

That's my son's best friend, Harrison, that cooks the food. It's so easy. Instead of ordering out or deciding what I'm going to eat for the day, it's right in front of me. I can pick and choose from, let's say, the chicken meatballs or the ground turkey stuffed in peppers or the salmon or the shrimp or veggies. It gives me a lot of choices. I'm so motivated right now. It's crazy, Joey. I'm up at 4 AM waiting for the fucking crack of dawn.

I go downstairs, have a cup of coffee. I have my banana and my shoes are on and I'm just waiting to walk out the fucking door. It's like a slow jog into a sprint, into a fast walk. I either do a 6.1 mile per day or 10.8 a day. Now I'm in a groove. I've done over 213 miles and I did a 10.8 this morning like it was butter. Now it's much easier because when we had that heat wave, I'm waking up at 4 in the morning. It's fucking 90 degrees.

The minute I go outside, I'm sweating my fucking dick off and I put the glide on so my ball sack doesn't get rubby or my thighs don't get rubby. I'm ready to roll. It's great because it sets my day the entire day. The 10.8 miles takes me about two hours and 45 minutes and then the 6 takes me about an hour 30. It just cleanses me. Anything that's on my mind, any negative energy, anything that's really bothering me in my gut, my family, my kids, my wife, my father, business, whatever it is. I get it out in a positive way instead of stuffing it or I used to use the carbs or the sugar or the marijuana

and then that would get me in a fog where I would have to constantly either smoke or do the carbs or do the sugar to keep that level up or the caffeine. I'll be honest with you, the main thing I miss the most is unlimited coffee. I drink a Starbucks French Roast, so I only am allotted three a day. One at four in the morning, one right after the run, and then one right with my eggs. I miss that. I'm telling you, I love my caffeine high. I love that coffee. I was drinking like 10 to 12 cups a day.

Now I'm down to three, but it's a different lifestyle. I'm trying to do a one-year transformation. I want to get down to between 150 to 155 pounds, which then that'll give me ability to run marathons at will under four hours like it's butter. I'm going to try to do a triathlon, not the full triathlon, but it's like a 13-mile run. It's a one-mile swim and then it's like 40 miles on the bike. That would be my ultimate goal to do that, because that's the one thing that's on my bucket list that I never actually did. Again, I'm just looking for 12 months of just clean sober abstinence. When I said clean sober abstinence, I mean no sugar, limited carbs, no cakes, cookies, ice cream, and then no marijuana.

It's so much easier to live, to be honest with you, because I still got a tremendous amount of problems. I still fight with my wife every fucking day, fight with my kids every fucking day, never a smooth day ever. That's not life. Life is problems and how you really handle the fucking problems. Basically, I'm in a good groove right now and I'm handling the problem so much easier. I'm not overreacting. I'm not verbally abusing people, because my first thing when I do my walk is when I start the day, I pray. I say, please God, give me the strength to be abstinent from my compulsive over-eating, my gambling, my drug addiction, my sexual behavior, my abusive language, my compulsive spending, and my selfishness. I'm like, I have eight fucking addictions and it's probably the reason I haven't killed myself, because I have a little of everything,

so I never really had just that one that I would be three basing in the fucking corner, fucking whores, and I'd be dead already. So I had a little of all the evils, and then when I'm on the straight narrow, a lot of people say, Stu, do you miss it? I'm like, fuck no. It's so much harder to fucking smoke a half ounce a pot a day, roll seven blondes, you know, fucking, you know, doing eight full, and still have to act like I'm a fucking human, you know what I'm saying? Say hello to everybody, do what I gotta do. So it feels good to be healthy. It's going on seven weeks right now, so I don't have that phenomenon of craving where, let's say, the first four weeks, I'm Jonesing, you know, like every day, I'm just holding on for dear life. The first two weeks, nobody in my family spoke to me, because I'm motherfucking everybody. I'm like, get the fuck away from me. Would you say to me? They're like, Dad, I didn't say anything. You know, and the only person that can give me pure joy with is no bullshit. It's my dog, you know.

Dog is unconditional love. Hug it out with the dog. Dog could lick its ass for 10 minutes, and I let it lick my face. I'm tongue in the door. I don't give a fuck. It's my dog, so. But, you know, I'm in a good place. Thank God. And we're gonna, you know, we're gonna fucking roll from there. And I'm coming. Normally, I normally crash right now coming into the regular season, my busy season, which is September through March, and I normally have to lose weight, stop smoking pot, get off the sugar, get off the carbs, and it's like, it's a rat race. Like, I can't do it, because once the season starts, it's just too stressful. But now, at least, I'm coming in with like, I'll come in almost 10 weeks under my belt, and I feel positive that everything's gonna flow. So I'm looking forward to it. And then I just went online. Now, I saw that you, is this your first book you ever wrote? Yes. The only book. I didn't really write it. I helped Erica Florentine write it. Jimmy Florentine's sister from, he used to have a show over at a bar stool.

Oh, wow. That's amazing. Yes. So this, so you dictated to him and he had to do it? Well, I had to fucking outline it. I had to cry. You know, you got to do all that shit when you write a book, because for like three years, you rub your fucking face in dirt. You're talking about your past, and it's bringing you back, and you're getting those feelings sometimes. It's very tough. The first fucking five... Well, listen, I've been trying to write that book how I tried to quit cocaine. I've been trying to write that book for 10 fucking years. And it finally took. You know, I found somebody who I could work with. Very interesting. I would love to do it again. I would love to write a couple books about different things in time. You know, I'm no fucking... What's that guy in Cuba that wrote the book? I don't know, whoever. The guy used to drink pinya coladas on the beach, not Shakespeare. Hemingway.

I'm no fucking Hemingway, but you know, it's interesting to write, Stu. And everybody has an ability in them. But if you keep buying books to teach you how to write, you're never going to be a writer. The easiest thing I realized after 10 years is just fucking throw away the books and put pen on that paper. You let the notebook boo you until whatever, and then you start getting better and better. You know, and next thing you know, you know how to outline. I called authors. I spoke to different people. It was rough. It beat me to fuck up, to be honest with you. It really made me a different person because you're constantly looking at your fucking life every day. Nothing really, like you start comparing shit and you're like, you know what, I couldn't wait when the book was finished. And the funny thing was that I had all the early stuff as a pot smoker makes you laugh because now you see the effects of marijuana, which I'm not complaining about. The book was very simple from my coming from Cuba to me. About 2000 was when the book got fucking difficult because I don't remember nothing. I don't remember a fucking, I remember the longest yard or remember, you know, mad TV. But what was going on? It was, it was so much going on. Plus, there was so much cocaine in my world at that time. I was trying to do comedy and continue a fucking junkie lifestyle. And there was the end. You could see that the end either I was going to die or I had a quick comedy.

There was no, I was starting to get jolting my neck. Like every time I do a fucking line, I get jolting the middle of the night and the next day. So I knew something was going to break, but the book has been a great experience. I can't wait for it to come out. I got one more month with legal because now is when they asked you like they, you know, now we're going into a different chapter and different, like there's three things. There's like early life, criminal career and then comedy. We broke it into three things. So by the time I got to like the criminal career and shit, you know, you got to tell what you did. And I wanted the audience to know how bad I had it. I wanted them to know how bad it really was. I push it aside. Then my buddies call me and go, bro, I give you credit. I remember seeing you when you were 17 and you were raising yourself. You were raising yourself. I mean, that's never been done before you were raising yourself. And so all those things combined, like I'm fucking ready, you know, you go through it. But that was the hardest thing was 22,000 to fucking recently. It was horrible. So we had to take our time and research shit.

But now lawyers are calling the people because, you know, they want to know people are dead. I can't be telling stories or robbing people in Harlem, you know, chasing some drug dealer down the West Side Highway. They're like a little scared and I understand. So we've cleaned up some stuff. Now we're about to clean up some more stuff. And then that's it. But still I'm like, it's very, I don't know. What you're doing inspires me. I don't want to quit smoking pot. Let me tell you something, Stu. I'm not smoking the pot I was at all. There's no reason to quit. This is like two bong hits here and one fucking freeze pipe hit at night and I'm done once in a great blue wall. If I have insomnia, I roll a fucking joint. Right. But I haven't written a roll the joint in fucking months like that, you know, like I used to. So I've cut down on and people at home don't really understand what you're saying at times. How intentional life is. This ain't no fucking joke. If you look at stress and stuff, I think after I met you in 91, I clocked you at 10 years because you were such a high energy guy.

You can't continue that pace. But people don't know there's a ying and a yang. And guys like you utilize ying and a yang. When we have the yang, we go all the fuck out, but when we're off camera, we're laying down with our feet up, batting the fucking dog. People think guys like you and I are out at night eating somebody's assholes, snorting coke, lighting their pussy on fire. I mean, I'd like to do that if I still could, but I can't. So it's very inspiring what you're doing, Stu. And I see what you're doing. You're getting ready for football season, so you're best. You've had a phenomenal fucking baseball season the last weeks. You've been totally on fucking fire the last two weeks of baseball. And it's hard what you do. It's very fucking hard, but I see the 30 experience when you give out your picks. I understand now. I see what this motherfucker is doing. He's a savage.

Right. So I mean, like with the thing I miss, like I miss rolling the blanch. I miss hanging with my kids and smoking because for me, smoking like brings me back to a child again. I'm fucking 61, but I roll a blunt and I'm smoking. I'm telling stories of people and I roll a second blunt. I roll a third blunt. I take a thousand milligrams of edibles and people are looking at me like, are you fucking retarded? What's the matter with you? Are you high? I'm like, yeah, but I just, I just love it. I just love, I almost love the act of doing it. And the reason I had to stop. It wasn't like God came down and there was this catharsis and it's like, wow, I'm going to be clean. My fucking doctor put me against the wall. My sugars were 460.

My A1C for over a year straight was over 13. And he said, I don't know how you're not dead yet or how you haven't gone blind or how your dick doesn't, it still works or how your feet haven't fallen off. But it's only a matter of time. You're just going to be walking around one day in front of you fucking kids and you're going to die. You're going to just fucking die and ain't going to be bringing you to the hospital and saving you. You're fucking dead. And for some reason it just hit me that it's a very simple decision when the power of that hit me because it was either I was going to live or I was going to die and I was killing myself and damn straight there's nobody that loves smoke and pot more than me. There's nobody that loves 15,000 calories more than me and just fucking acting like a child, hanging with the kids, bonding with the kids, acting like a kid.

Meaning no responsibility. You feel invincible. There's nothing you can't do. You can snort an eight ball. You can snort a second fucking eight ball and then you're ready to fucking go. You know what I mean? And you're ready to roll. And you and me for some reason, God has given us the ability. We got 10 lives each. We should have been dead 20 years ago. But by the grace of God, God has given us the strength to come back from failure after failure, catastrophe after catastrophe, self-sabotage after self-sabotage after self-sabotage. We don't lose our enthusiasm. They don't make them like you and me no more because you can kill us. We're coming back, baby. We're coming back from the day. You're the phantom comedian.

I'm the phantom fucking handicapper. Just like Steve Mahalek was the phantom bodybuilder. After he did his steroids and he did all his drugs and he fucked thousands of women, got a fucking car accident and almost died. And he told me these stories and then it gave me the strength. You're a power example for me because when I talk to comedians, you're the comedian's comedian. Not only do people fucking love you, but the pros love you because nobody ever wants to go on after you. That's all the fucking rep used to have. If you were fucking in the room and they had to come on after you, it was a nightmare for them because you destroyed the audience. When you kill for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 minutes and then someone else comes on, you got nothing left.

Even the little teeny parts when I saw you in Atlantic City and you banged out like 20 minutes, I fucking died because I fucking love you. You could fucking say hello and I'm like, because I fucking genuinely love you. I feel that we have a kindred bond. We have a kindred spirit. We come different stories, different circumstances, but from the same place, you come from Cuba. You're a Cuban. I'm a fucking Jew. We both retreated like second-class citizens. We retreated like scum. People did not treat us right. And the reason I think we got balls of fucking stone and a heart that won't fucking quit and a desire that I'm going to do it because I've been to fucking hell. I've been dead already. Something you could fucking do to me, baby.

I've been to fucking hell. I've been fucking wishing. I wish to die. Couldn't kill myself. Couldn't fucking die. It's our story. So again, I'm an inspiration to you. You're an inspiration to me. So it feels good that we bonded again. I cannot wait to introduce you for your show. I'm just gonna fucking be screaming yelling. I'm gonna be yelling. So I'm gonna lose my fucking boys that night. Just getting that crap. That crowd's gonna be so hyped when you fucking walk on.

We might have to have ten-fold security because they might jump on the fucking stage. You want to hug you and eat your ass and blow you in the fucking ball sack. You know, that's what's gonna fucking happen. It's gonna be fucking insane. We got a DJ. We got weed coming. They're gonna be about fucking emblems, laughing gas. I'm excited. Listen, when they said Broadway, if you know anything about anybody who grew up in this area, especially in the 70s, Broadway was everything. In my world, it's Broadway and Burger Line Avenue in Jersey.

Those are my two that I know every nook. I used to live on 98th Street and I'd walk to Times Square and watch movies with my godfather as a kid. No English. No fucking English show. You have no idea. When I think of fucking Joey Diaz on Broadway, even though it's my name, I think about walking down Broadway and seeing a big fucking statue of George Lazenby, that one half effect James Bond they had for a while. He came in for one movie in between like The Saint and Sean Connery or something. That's what I would think of. That's the pride I get in my heart.

Like, you know what? Yeah, I did this, this happened, this happened, but this is Broadway. You can't take this from somebody. This is a fucking Trump. This is like when people said to me, well, I saw, you know, Paul McCartney last week for the small 800 bitch. I saw fucking David Gilmore do the solo to Comfortably Numbers on Top of the Walk and that's all Coliseum for $15.50. Suck my dick and call me shorty. Don't get better than that for $15, you know? These are things that I did that mean the world to me.

So Broadway, I've even started writing a little bit. Like I just, something inspired me a couple. I said, I'm going to put the notebook down till I get back from vacation. Fuck that. The other night I was like, let me break this down. I want to give them a good show. It's going to take time, but you know, it's going to be, every show is going to be better than the last one, you know? And then let's see where the fuck it takes us. Right. Five shows. That's going to be amazing.

The plan is not, and then I got Philadelphia. I'm releasing the night before Thanksgiving. Okay. And that's a great fucking casino. Parks Casino. Oh, nice. I mean, I didn't want to do any casinos, but this one is exceptional. The food is great.

When I go to Philadelphia, I mean, I'm from Jersey. I'm from New York City, but when I go to Philadelphia, I just feel like I'm one of them as crazy as this seems. When people talk about Philadelphia, they take a little bit of offense in my heart when they call them animals a savage. Then I go, you know what? I am an animal and a fucking savage. Let me tell you how much I love Philadelphia. And Mike will tell you, the last time I did parks,

I usually go in the back and get my head together, drink some water, you know, make sure I don't have armpit fucking odor. And then I go out and shake hands and see everybody in Philadelphia. I just put the mic in and I jumped into the audience and I was out there with them. You know how many people grab my cock in Philadelphia? There was a guy that came up to me and he goes, ma, ma, this is Uncle Joey. I told you he's got balls.

He said to his mom he had balls. He kneeled and he grabbed my cock. And I don't know what to do because I know the guy's not doing it out of disrespect. He's just grabbing my balls, going, ma, these are fucking balls. I wish he could show them to you. When you show them to my mother, come on, man. I'm fucking 58. You want me to show my balls to your mother?

What is wrong with these Philadelphia motherfuckers, Mike? No security. On the drive home, no security. There was no security. I don't need security in Philadelphia. I don't need security in two places, Philadelphia and fucking the Bronx. I don't know what it is with Puerto Ricans. They stick on to me.

I love them with all my heart. I just went to Yankee Stadium. Two Puerto Ricans stuck on to me. They walked me to my fucking chair. And they're like, nobody's going to mess with you. And I'm like, wow. Well, they have passion. They have the passion that you really do.

They have the major fucking passion in the Bronx, but major passion in Philadelphia, too. I mean, absolutely. I think Parks Casino is Barstool's signature sportsbook. I love him. I fucking love him. I think that's his signature sportsbook. Great Casino, great food.

The hotel's across the street. So if you got a chaser, you know what I'm saying? She's across the street. Let me ask you a question, Stu. When the fuck are you going to write a book? Well, I did write a book. I have a book written. Okay.

Did you know that? Yeah. It's called, here. Actually, I can. So I released this right after the movie Two for the Money, and I released this. And then that was my book. And then this book starts off.

This book is similar to like your story a little bit where it starts off where I'm about to kill myself. I'm about to take pills and end it because my wife finally found out that I owed like, you know, half a million dollars to friends, family, mafia, and I was jammed up and I told her nothing about my position. And I was balls broke and I was about to lose everything. And then she found out not by me being honest and telling her

so that that's how the book starts. And it starts from all the way from the beginning to, you know, when I made it. So in other words, it's a great story. And I'm looking again, similar to you. I'm looking to write a second book. Now, my second book, I would want to continue with the Barstool Sports Advisor story in addition to doing stand-up comedy.

I always wanted to do One Night at Westbury. So that's 3,500 fucking place out. You know, Big Cat and PFT and all the Barstool people said they would come. You know, I would pray to God. My greatest honor would be you fucking introduce me. I just got him off for the Paramount. If you want to do Westbury, we could do Westbury.

I mean, let's do Westbury. I would love to do Westbury. A night of comedy, like you're pussy on fire. Whoever likes that pussy on fire gets 5,000. That's it. And then the gay guy that lights his asshole on fire and puts a sparkler in it. I'm giving you five grand.

We're going for big parties. I'll send you this book. No, just bring it to New York. Okay, bring it to York. It's like you take your shit on the fucking toilet. You smoke your joints. An hour and a half full of coast arrived. I wrote it like a third grader because I'm a third grader.

I only got 390 on the SATs in English and I can't spell shit. And that's pretty much how I wrote the fucking book. Pretty much like that. I dictated it to one of my best buddies who did a nice job with it. And, you know, and yeah, listen, I sell like at least 15 a day. People love it. I personalize it. You know, they want me to do the 15, 15, 30.

So I say, hey, listen, tell your girl, like letter, let you eat her ass, lick her clit and fuck her. You know what I'm saying? And I, and I always signed it. You know, my father taught me two things. If you can't eat it, don't fuck it. And no one, and no one ever got pregnant blowing your load in their mouth and their asshole.

So a lot of these guys out there now, like, I don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to get a girl pregnant. Hey, listen, so blow a load in the mouth and blow a load in their asshole, you know, and just eat the fucking pussy. That's the fucking bottom line. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. I mean, that's really the bottom line.

Now, do you know about this thing that Boris still has called rough and rowdy? Do you know what that is? You explain it to me. Okay. So, so like five and five, seven years ago, maybe eight years ago, 10 years ago, gay Portnoy used to go to this psycho place in West Virginia and it was called rough and rowdy. You would have 20 fights, three one minute rounds, and you would get local people

in the area with no experience at all to just fucking murder each other. Three one minute rounds, 20 fights. P.S., like, what are we in? So he bought it in 2016 and I think Barstool has put on 18 fights and most of them are in West Virginia. This one upcoming Friday is in Huntington, West Virginia and it's the craziest thing ever. You get 20 fights, three one minute rounds.

They have midgets fight, they have women fight, they have these psycho fucking girls walk around ring girls, waving their asses and thongs playing with their fucking pussies and their tits and then at the end you vote on the hottest ring girl and then there's always a couple of major fights. So, this guy that I got very friendly with that works for them called Coach Dugs and how he got a job at Barstool, there was a cartoon of a video, there was a cartoon of him, he looks like a coach and they hired him off of that. It's the craziest thing.

This guy's like maybe about six to five hundred pounds and he's the main event and he made me his manager. So, we're fighting some guy in Canada. We don't know anything about this guy in Canada. All we know is he played fucking rugby for 12 years and looks like a killer. Now, my guy who's fighting Dugs, nicest fucking guy in the world, very determined, high integrity, not a killer, not a killer. But he's trained his fucking dick or every day goes into the gym, throws up every day,

you know, fucking it's crazy. So, he's the main event Friday night and they sell like 50,000 pay-per-view events. I think they had Jose Canseco. Remember the baseball player? They had Jose Canseco fight somebody at Barstool. This guy, Billy Hot Takes and Jose Canseco got paid like a million dollars and took a dive. The first 10 seconds into the round, Billy went at him and he fell and the fight was

over. So, it was crazy. But he made a million dollars. He sold like 150,000 pay-per-view events of like 50 bucks or something cycle like that. So, everybody made money. So, then now Dave puts up in the contract where you can't throw the fight, you know, you can't fix it. It's got to be a real fucking fight.

But so, on Friday, he's the main event and then the second main event is this girl, Alex Bennett, that works at Barstool too. She's a sweetheart. Her and her mother have a podcast together and she also has a couple of podcasts with a couple of other people. There's a great woman called Jordan Woodruff. They do a great thing together and she's amazing. She's dropped dead gorgeous.

The sweetest woman in the world. Her husband's father owns the Oklahoma City Thunder. So, nobody even knew that. She's working at Barstool. Every thing she's like, you know, a grind. I mean, while she's a fucking billionaire. So, she's fighting. She never fought in a fucking life.

She never fought. But she's been fucking training like an animal. So, those are the two main events. And then you have like three midgets fighting, three main midgets. And then you have girl midgets. And then you just have crazy people because it's only three. Crazy people. No, they're crazy.

Three one minute rounds. You go all out. I was supposed to fight 2018. I was the headliner on my birthday. January 31st in Miami when the Super Bowl was in Miami. I'm training. I'm going to be the main event. I'm easily going to make between a quarter of a million to a half a million dollars

because the deal then was I got a piece of the paper view. A big joke. And I moved the needle. Similarly, you moved the fucking needle. It doesn't matter what you do. You're going to be taking a shit in the corner, taking a piss in front of everybody. The needle moved. Joey Diaz moves the fucking needle.

Let's go. You know what I'm saying? You moved the fucking needle, baby. You know what I'm saying? Clits stand up in attention. Fucking little nipples get fucking hot. You moved the fucking needle. Men, women, children, den people come out of the grave.

Well, I'm an eagle. So I'm fucking, I'm training like a fucking animal. Training, throw a punch. I tear my fucking bicep from here. It comes up to here. Fucking done. Done. So wait.

Hey, Dave, what's the compensation? Dick. Dick. No, no, wait. You don't pay for the operation. Nothing. Hey, Stu, it's the fucking fight game. It's brutal.

So I mean, nothing, nothing. So I get the operation. Not only this, the operation doesn't go good. I'm going to fucking brace for nine months because my hand was like locked in like this. I have to wear a brace to open my hand up for five hours a day for nine months. Hell, I want to kill myself. And, you know, I said, Dave, no compensation. He's like, hey, Stu, tough break, tough break.

And that's the truth. That's the fight game. It's a tough fucking break. Just like, you know, these UFC guys, they fight, they grind. You get fucking hurt. Your career is over before you made the big money. Hey, that's the fucking way it is. You know, Dave says, hey, Stu, I gave you an opportunity to make a quarter of a million

to half a million dollars if you didn't get hurt. That's the positive and negative issue. You got 57 in a fat fucking slob and you got fucking hurt. Big deal. Hey, it's over. You know, just like fucking David, Daniel White says, hey, I give you the platform. You think I'm underpaying you? Where the fuck are you ever shot to have your fucking face in front of the fucking world,

motherfucker? Grind it out. You fucking stay healthy and make it. So now I'm a manager, you know, I'm a manager. So I don't know, like, I'm going to like our theme song to walk out for the fight is Hulk Hogan. So after we're done with some going to party city, I'm getting a Hulk Hogan costume and I'm going to come out as Hulk Hogan screaming and yelling and then hyping the place up. And then it's so much fun.

You've got to come to the next one. Obviously you're going away. I think you're going to the North Carolina or something on vacation, right? Okay. So the next one I think is in November or something, but it is so wild. It is so it's crazy. It's like WWE or WWF wrestling, but real. Jersey and nothing like that.

Long Island, the rule, the law, state laws, right? They haven't passed. They won't allow it yet, but eventually they will. They won't allow it. Correct. But eventually they, they allowed one in Providence, Rhode Island, which is the closest to Boston and most of them are in West Virginia, Huntington, West Virginia, all of the, all these towns in West Virginia.

So Huntington is right where the university Marshall is. So Marshall University, the college where, where that, where that plane went down and killed like 200 people and the whole football team was like that. Yeah. So in other words, and then Matthew McConaughey made the movie of that. So, so yeah. So that's what's going on now. So I'm so psyched and I'm like, so what I do every day right now is I grind out with

my voice. I do what's called these stew, finer shout outs, whether it's your birthday, anniversary, bachelor party, you want to motherfuck somebody to death, or I read the fantasy football lineup. I pick the order and then I read it and then they give me some bullet points and I torch the fucking people. And so I'm doing between seven to 20 a day diving off my fucking diving board. It's 125. If I sit on the board and read it, 175.

I dive in the fucking book, but this is, but this is like a three. This is like a, I'm like, like 10,000 a week. Yeah. I'm three to three to four minute pitch. So I have no voice at the end of the day. I'm spraying my voice. I'm trying to figure, you know, I'm over a hot fucking hot, like vapor thing doing his thick, thick rug, but I'm running in my greatest fears to wake up with no fucking voice.

Just I'm done. Like it's on a ball. I'm useless. Well, my dick, my dick right now, since I lost like a little bit, because I measure it because I'm stupid fucking. I'm a psycho is six and an eighth beat when I was super fat. It was five and seven tape. So I gave like a quarter inch, quarter inch words, baby.

You know, whatever every little quarter inch works when you only got that, you know, and then if, if I can, if they need more than six and a fucking eighth inch, I got two fucking fists motherfucker. These fists going, look fucking this fuck you. That's what I fucking do. And if the fist don't work, I carry a 12 inch vibrator with my face on the end. I swallow paint champagne, put it in my mouth, go down, eat the pussy and these little bubbles go, and they hit the clip towards the stands of attention and they go, smooth, smooth,

smooth. I love you. I never felt like this. Now I know what I'm missing. I'm like, how they saw me. You don't know you bitch. And that's really how we roll. So I'm excited, brother.

I am fucking excited when I talk. We're both around the same age. We grew up in the city. When the city was the city, we grew up in this world with when this world was easy to explain the people. Now it's a whole world to explain the people. And it's kind of weird for guys like you and I. And I'm, I'm asking you this just out as a, as a concern, not because it's a little

weird. It's a little weird. And it's kind of weird for guys like you and I. And I'm, I'm asking you this just out as a, as a concern, not because I don't give a fuck. And I could see, obviously you don't give a fuck. Do you ever have any thoughts of somebody might raise their hand and go, what the fuck is stew and Joey Diaz doing on the podcast?

They're all the gentlemen and they're out there yelling about, you got to eat somebody's pussy and you got to finger bang them or midgets. I don't give a fuck. You know, you and I come from a time that I understand that it's, listen, a lot of BLM, a lot of all this stuff. I get it, but I can't stop saying the word faggot because I've been saying it for 30 years, 40, 50 years and now you want to change the rules. So there's all these rules that are coming up, you know, but if you, who's over there

looking at you, your son is over there. And now it's good. I don't give a fuck. I want him to say hello, but it's so weird how you have any fear of this that somebody's going to call a bar stool and go, what's this guy yelling about? Cause I love you. I love it. But this in the today's world, but I also feel that there's three people that you can't

cancel. And that's me, you and Pete Rose. Cause we're going to tell you to suck our dick. Okay. I refuse to let somebody judge me. That's not a fucking judge. And I'm talking about the judge that put his hand on the chicks mouth. He's a 20th circuit, whatever the fuck he is.

Supreme court justice. In my world, if he tells me to get off the internet, I will listen. It's, I fucked up, but nobody, nobody got the right to fucking say, still fine. And we got to get them off. I put a minute on, I got offended. How do you feel about this too? Well, I mean, obviously Dave Portnoy loves me and unconditionally has my back, you know, barring me going off the rails where I would hurt the company.

I can get away with murder. I'm almost untouchable. You know what I mean? I'm uncancelable. But, but, but that's not the case on Twitter or on Instagram or on Facebook or on Snapchat. Let me give you a perfect example. It's so amazing. You said it's perfect example.

Saturday, Saturday, my buddy buys a breathtaking car, brand new refurbishes like a 1957 old school breathtaking car. Well, you know, buys the car for 20, puts 30 into the car. Okay. He puts the car online. And I look at the car and my exact comment right to him right under it is I want to fuck you and eat your ass in that car. Immediately, Facebook suspends me.

I cannot post for three days. And now for the next 30 days, well, now it's the next 27 days. They put my feed at the bottom of everybody's post. So in other words, I have to adjust because I do not want like they've pulled down my Twitter twice already with a hundred and somewhat thousand followers. I'm shadow banned everywhere. Like I should have a million to two million followers on Instagram and Twitter, but similar to what you're saying because of my sexual content, because of the rage I come at people

which absolutely can be misdued as being a psycho, as threatening somebody, as being in someone's face. They don't get my intent. They don't know my intent nor do they care. They just blatantly do it. So I have to be extremely, extremely careful to not be taking off Twitter or Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat. I just gave you a perfect example.

Now I'm restricted. I'm shadow bin where I do not go into people's feeds. Like my content a lot of times, unless you actually come to my page and click, my stuff does not pop up in people's feeds. So what's called shadow banned me, they always had. They always did. Like my key saying is I will kill your bookmaker. That doesn't work no more.

Can't say it because the word kill, they're taking literally. I don't mean it literally. I mean it figuratively. I will win money for the client and hurt the bookmaker and that's a euphemism to kill. Can't use the word kill no more. Even my 15, 15, 30, where I think on the prior podcast, I told you, I created the perfect hour of sex, 15 minutes eating ass, 15 minutes licking, clit, 30 minutes fucking, you can't hold your load, bring a vibrator.

I can't get away with that no more. You can't say it. You cannot say it online. You cannot say it because again, I don't even know it, but they shadow banned everything. What happened with Dave Portnoy where he got accused by his business insiders, these low like piece of shit scumbags, accused him of stuff that he pat, they were patlidly false. It was not true. He's suing them, but, but now his feed, his feed does not go into your feed.

He's shadow banned now. So in other words, when you say to me, do I give a fuck? Will it change me? No, but I have to be careful with what I say. I literally have to be careful because my message won't get out. As it is, my message doesn't get out. Only in like 11% of people's feeds. So it does suck.

But when you, but when you say that to me, you know, I understand what you're coming from because the content is you're saying it to your asshole buddy. You know, just like Joe said, hey, I want to call somebody that because it's his fucking birthday. You know, I love the guy. Like I can call my friend up, my best friends and say, Hey, your wife's over here fucking blowing me. I'm going to be over your house about 10 minutes later. Just clean up. They know what that means.

That's love. That's fucking, you know, you could say that to your asshole buddies. You could say that to your best friends, but you cannot say it to the world because they're going to take it literally and they're going to say that we're a bad influence on people where it's the dirt opposite. We're showing people that you have to have a sense of humor. Don't take yourself so seriously. It isn't a literal representation. It's figurative and we're comedians.

But again, you know, the walls are coming in us very squeezed. We're sweet. We're getting squeezed. We're literally getting squeezed. No issue about that. Really. I'm not getting squeezed. I understand.

We're also businessmen. So Facebook shut me down like three times this year so far. One for 30. I'm thinking of taking it down because Facebook don't do dick for me anyway. It's just a bunch of people from school or whatever you communicate with. They don't reach out to what, you know, it doesn't. I don't want those people involved with what I'm doing in a way. But Instagram.

Oh my God. Wait, hold it. Facebook owns Instagram. Right. So fucking Instagram. Right. That scares me. But Instagram is my bread and butter.

You know, I like Instagram. Right. They take down all my weed stuff. Right. But there's a chick sucking a dick there. No, you know what it is. Twitter. There's two chicks that suck dick all day on Twitter.

Very subjective. Very subjective. Who are they in force and who they let slide when I smoke a blunt and I show it on camera. For the next month, my calls, my feed and my views are 80% down because of the marijuana, like you just said. Because in certain states it's still not legal and they don't want that to the general consumer. You know what I mean? It's almost like they really should have two Twitters and two Instagrams.

They should have an Instagram for 21 and under, which you and me, we would know how to play that and Twitter and Instagram 21 and over where we're just anything goes. Everything goes. Let's fucking go. Just like an R rated movie or an NC 17 movie. You know what you're getting. You know what you're getting involved with. Let's fucking go.

But that's not what we do. So unfortunately, especially the way we do our content, they judge us as a three to 11 year old could be looking at it. The influence does not understand the message, does not have the skill set to understand where we're coming from. You know what I'm saying? And then that hurts. That really does hurt.

I love Facebook. Like you said, those are my friends. They're not on Instagram and Twitter. They're not using Instagram and Twitter. They're not. My friends are not on Instagram. Those are the people that are age that are not internet savvy that have no idea and they just want to click on.

So a lot of things that I do, like my motivational message, my motivational speeches, my eating clean, my running videos, my telling people, you know, the way out is the way through. Disagree, set free. They'll never let fucking tell somebody tell you they can't do it. Failure after failure. Don't lose your enthusiasm. That's a positive message, but they destroy when I motherfuck people and I do words and I get a little, you know, I get very edgy.

Like you do. I go way over the top. I crawl. There is no line. I'm fucking in your fucking wife's bush. I'm eating her ass. So in other words, you know, so it's, it's, it's, uh, I have to walk a very, very thin line.

A very thin line. I don't like it. It inhibits me certain times, but I don't have a choice. You know what I mean? I don't have a choice. You know, I'm not as big as you to be honest with you. You know, Yes, you are brother.

You're a fucking. Well, these kids down the block from me at El Nido, every time I see these motherfuckers, they ask me about you. So I surprised them the other day and said, he's going to be doing the shows with me. All of them. He'll be there. You could talk to him, whatever the fuck he's dancing. He's taking office, whatever.

These guys are so excited to meet you. I thought they were excited about meeting Bert. They were like, fuck Bert. We want to go. It's too fine. I'm like, okay, you can come see fucking still fine. But no, we're, uh, now I'm starting to get what I'm doing finally. Like I'm starting to, you know, I was reading some jujitsu thing about training when you're

older. And they're like, you know, you're in there to set an example. You know, you, like I do the warm up. I don't care if my knee hurts. You know, I get there on time and that's all great and dandy. And that's what I'm trying to do with the podcast. Now I've always been like you don't believe the fucking hype. You could do whatever the fuck you want, even with felonies.

If you put your mind to it, they'll tell you, you can't do it in prison. When you get released, they ask you if you want to go on disability because the felony will hold you back from being anything in your life. You signed that paperwork. You're dead. You're living on 800 a month for the rest of your life. Yeah, I know. You know, until you end back up in jail because that's what you've committed to being a felon.

When I got out of there, even now, if I order, if I got to go play for a job, I was not even know what you're talking about. Do you have a felony the last three years? I don't know nothing. And then let them come back to me and go, well, we did a background check. Jose, you got a felon. That's great. That's for a guy who has a felony and wears that as Superman.

I don't give a fuck. I got it as a reminder to let me know. I'm never going back there, but I'm not laying. I'm no laid down Sally. I don't give a fuck what they tell you. You got to keep pushing forward. And that's our message, which is positive. But every once in a while, you get some fucking jerk off and you got time to suck your dick.

Boom, you're canceled. Twitter, on the other hand, I got no complaint about Twitter. Mike has been my dear friend for years. He knows what I post on Twitter. If they go in deep in my Twitter, they're going to find some shit and fucking, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to make up an excuse. I can't make an excuse.

You know, I love Osama. What's his name? Obama's wife. I fucking love her. I haven't seen her lately. She was getting big. But for a while there, I really like her. I think she's attractive with the mouth, the whole thing.

And one day I wrote on there, I'll suck the black ink out of pussy and fucking. Oh my God. I got like hatred. But I'm just saying how good of a looking of a woman she is. I didn't mean nothing. But if somebody sees that now from 2016, which I'm letting you know is on there. I don't even give a fuck. Go do what you got to do.

Right. It was like a cut. You gave her, you gave her literally the ultimate compliment. Women love to be complimented. That she was so gorgeous. Fuck yeah. That you would want to literally be with her. I'll drink the champagne.

The pink champagne. I'll eat a pussy. I'll fucking spit. I'll do everything. But they took that literal as, as an affront to, you know, the first lady and they thought what that was demeaning and degrading where that's the direct opposite of what you did. What do you mean the first lady? The first lady like cock jack.

They all like cock. The other first ladies were just a hundred years old. They weren't, you know, Nancy Reagan just say no. She don't want no cock. You know that poor bitch. She didn't even know what a cock was when she was in the fucking white house. I heard she was sucking Frank Sinatra's dick. I heard that.

I don't know how true it is. 100% true. When Ronald Reagan used to call in because I read like five books on Reagan and on Sinatra and on Nancy Reagan, she, she loved his dick. She loved it. I mean, I wasn't there. Let's get something out of the way. Everybody likes Sinatra's dick.

I guess that's true. Everybody. Every fucking woman. Right. I'm serious. True. That's true. That is true.

I knew, I know you're doing great with fucking baseball right now. When does your football package start the 10th of August of September? Yes. It is because preseason now is very shaky because five years ago preseason, they played for real and they wanted to win, but now they don't because they added a game to the NFL. So preseason is very, very shaky. So I still get our preseason and I'm still going to long games this weekend. You got games Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Sunday, Monday.

I'm going to go for it, but it's just not, people don't like to bet it as much. Years ago, I was able to sell it and it was great. But yes, September 10th starts the first football game and we'll be able ready to roll. The NFL is going to be fucking amazing. Amazing this year. College football starts when? September 10th. College also?

College starts August 27th. Oh shit. That's coming quick. That's next Saturday. Yeah. It's like 10 games, 12 games, and then you got your Labor Day and then you're full blown, baby. Do you have anything for this Saturday's UFC?

To big card, I'm pushing on DraftKings. I normally give out the UFC for free. I don't really sell it. You know what I mean? Like if you buy the package and I have a selection on it, I give it for free. But as a rule of thumb for me, UFC underdogs, fucking underdogs. The favorites don't cover. They rarely cover.

Like, I mean, obviously when Khabib's fighting McGregor, you're betting Khabib because he likes bears and he's a psycho and he's never lost and he's never going to lose. You know what I mean? Like for certain people. But most of the time, if you bet the underdog, the entire card, you bet all the dogs in the UFC, they're going to make money. You're just going to make money. And you make money with the underdogs because those fucking favorites pay $10.

And they got great props too. A lot of these places, different books, have great props. Like I won a fucking handful of dough by mistake. I bet $20 on like a pool that Moreno would knock out that dude last week. Two weeks ago, it was like $20 bucks to win $150. Wow. How can they not fucking go with that? So there's always little side things.

Right. I love betting the underdogs because it's exciting. You know what I'm saying? You bet the favor. He's supposed to fucking win. It's fucking easy. Right. But yeah, so I mean, the underdogs would be the way to go in UFC on an overall picture.

Overall picture. Yes. You made my Tuesday. I'm happy. I love you so much. We'll do another one before the show on the 17th. Done deal. Get ready for football season.

Done deal. And then when I get back, I want to go over to Barstool. Yes. Get back. She's ready for you. Not the fucking, not the week before Labor Day because everybody's thinking about who gots after that. After Labor Day.

We'll kick it forward. I got some other things. And we're going to make those shows in New York City, a fucking trip. Can't wait. And they're all leading to your movie theater in Westbury. All right. Let's do it. Get some other comics and we'll do a nice little fucking.

Abby. Okay. I love you. You're a bucket list. I'm doing it for you. I love you. They just offered me the Paramount. I said no, not yet.

But if you want to do, we could do it like next June. I could do the Paramount with you already. No, not the Paramount. The Westbury. That's where you want to go. So let's make your June come true. All right. Done.

Westbury. Westbury. I love you. I love you. Stay black. Don't forget the Yamaha, brother. I love you. Stu has the only Yamaha.

It's got a thousand dollar bill hidden in it. You know what I'm saying? And a condom. You got it. I love you, Joey. Stay black. My best to your family, your wife and your children. Thank you vice versa.

Thank you for being a great friend. You got it Tarzan. All right. I want to thank Stu Finder, but most importantly, I want to thank you fucking savages for always supporting the show. But this week we got Factor. You like Joey? What's Factor?

Factor is a ready to eat meal delivery. With Factor, a quick lunch or a dinner is just two minutes away. They eat and eat meals are a life saver. You understand me? My wife loves them. She offers 30 meals per week and you can change your order every week. Choose from four to 18 meals per week and you can pause or reschedule deliveries anytime. Stop spending hours in the kitchen and at the store waiting online.

People breeding on you. Let Factor deliver it. Ready made meals right to your door. They offer vegan, veggie, keto, cold pressed juice to smooth these energy bites and a lot, lot more. So do me a favor. Get down over to Godot Factor 75.com slash Joey 130 again. Use code Joey 130 to get $130 off across six boxes.

That's code Joey 130 at Godot Factor 75.com slash Joey 130. Listen, I'm not going to tell you again. Saturday night, it's all going down at UFC 278, Usman versus Edwards and the action starts at DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting part in the UFC. This fucking Saturday, they got a tremendous card. You could bet five hours in any fighter and get 203 bets, win or lose. They're doing your big fucking favor. DraftKings is the best when it comes to football, baseball, basketball, but the UFC tremendous.

They also offer a $10 risk-free same day parlor. You combine fucking multiple bets if they're going to last three rounds or five. I love draft picks. I love DraftKings. I love this card. The reason I love DraftKings is they're safe, secure, and reliable, and you can withdraw your cash whenever you want, but they also make sports gambling fun. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app right now today.

Use promo code Joey. I'll tell you what else they got. That's great. The fucking DraftKings Daily Fantasy. Daily Fantasy, they're offering like a million dollars in prizes and you're here jumping up and down. I'm giving you a reason to jump up and down. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and download the Fantasy app.

And here's the part the lawyers make me say, minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See my show notes for details. DraftKings. Now go win some fucking Geethers. The joint is also brought to you by Bluetru. Listen, I'm not saying you have erectile dysfunction problem, but what I'm saying is you can use more confidence when you come into a situation. Bluetru is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and

Cialis but in chewable tablets, all at a fraction of the cost. I love them. I love Bluetru. They're easy. You can take them on an empty stomach in the morning whenever the fuck you ready to make love. The process is simple. Sign up at bluetru.com, consult with one of the medical providers.

Once you're approved, you receive your prescription within days in the mail. Nobody even knows you're getting them. The best part is it's all done online. No visits to the doctors, no awkward conversations, no waiting online at the pharmacy. Listen, Bluetru tablets are made in the USFAA and shipped in a discreet package. I'm not saying you got a deed, but if you could benefit from a little extra confidence, what the fuck guys, Bluetru can help you. Try Bluetru for free when using promo code Joey.

Just pay five dollars for shipping. That's Bluetru.com. For the first month for free, visit bluetru.com for important safety information and thank Bluetru for sponsoring the joint. I want to thank Bluetru, DraftKings, LiquidIV, anybody who is in our world, but most importantly, I want to thank you savages. Have a great day, have a great weekend, and I'll see you cocksuckers Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo, maybe.