Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #195 - Joey Diaz, Steve Simeone and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 14, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian Steve Simeone This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 07/14/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollar shaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner. Also the show is sponsored by onnet.com. Go there to get your alpha brain, new mood, swim tech sport and swim tech immune anything like that. Use code word church to get 10% off

and lastly this show is sponsored by escape pod tank.com. Go there, get your sensory deprivation tank, mention joeyds and get an additional $250 off. Monday July 14th the day the devil was fucking fist fucked in the muffler at the deli down by fucking jerseyson oh shit sometimes you hang out with the devil sometimes you eat dinner with the devil today we're running with satanah you understand me Monday July 14th it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive except you are there cock sucker you understand me lisa yat what's happening i'm in the house i don't know i see you i have about seven more minutes you see with your little green shirt on and shit looking good you put some gel

in your hand too no i just cut it but it's good you got no fucking sun down there and your year anniversary how they feel it was great it's uh crazy how fast a year goes it's crazy to think about where like what would have happened if i never met her but it was awesome it's um what would have happened if you didn't meet it fuck maybe you're still been fucking looking at actually when she was sleeping and shit i would have been fucking hanging no people i didn't want to hang out with and masturbating a lot but uh it's um i actually didn't want to talk about i don't know about you guys but when i especially when i first started dating i would do whatever the girl wanted to do just like it wasn't even a question and i was never really happy but like even on our

anniversary weekend we went down and saw steve for on uh on friday night and she she loves comedy but she's seen steve and i could have if she had said i don't really want to do that i wouldn't have been surprised but she was really cool with it we went and got food after and that's uh i know there's a lot of guys out there who do the same thing any whatever the girl wants to do it's just immediately yes because you want to have sex with them and stuff and you want them to like you like when you have like a cool girl and like who does who like does what both of you want to do it's it's a lot more fun so i don't know how to great weekend you've been uh you're a different savage and shit you get yourself a girlfriend for a while you're a match.plomb yeah fuck you're

lonely and shit with each other and love you get your little green shirt on you're slinging dick yeah i was telling i used to hate saturday nights friday and saturday nights especially when i lived in boston especially i wouldn't go out because the fucking walk in l.a you can drive around and kind of pretend you don't see it but in fucking boston or new york or chicago when you have to walk around and you're bumping into the old couples and you're by yourself with the fucking pizza or something like god damn this is fucking the rest of the week it's not that bad friday and saturday night can suck when you're single so how do you feel now in contrast to a year ago like do you you look forward to seeing her on friday i mean yeah i look forward to seeing

her on the weekends um i feel i feel great she's she's great every once in a while you're like hmm it would be nice to have a weekend alone but not really what am i gonna do so every we and we don't really do much i sometimes i feel bad like she's gonna get bored but i ask her what she wants to do and it's we watch netflix we have some food and you know it's funny because one minute you're in high school you know when you're thinking about relationships you're kind of thinking about them the next minute you're in college or you're living your life you know you're outside of your house and you're wondering to yourself what is this gonna happen for me you know when am i gonna get a girlfriend or somebody will love me whatever the fuck i'll be you know

somebody to suck my dick or do my socks whatever the fuck whatever mentality you have at that age you know it's the mentality that you have at that age the mentality you have about love at 20 and the mentality you have about love at 35 is two different two different things two different things at 20 you're looking for somebody to suck your dick not spend too much money do your socks and make your sandwich you know you don't really see uh love in life or what it really is you know but then as you get older you uh you see it well you know when i had a girlfriend at 20 well my priorities were were completely different at 30 but the funny thing is that one day you're living it you know one day you're at a movie theater with a girl and you're you know on your

first or your second date it's very awkward yeah and the next minute you're at the sixth month mark and you've slept with her already and you've met her brother and you've met her mom and it's okay and now you're at the three-point mark then that comes a day you want to talk about weed when you're living with somebody oh god i mean i've never done that when when you're putting your shoes on and you're you're faking the funk you know you're you're acting like you would if you want a tv show okay because you really don't know how to act you don't know how to act at that age you're 22 you're living with a woman you know uh and you act like you were on a tv show oh my god it's a great moment you know yeah and then reality and so weird how life comes in phases you know like

you're thinking about like i can't wait though i live with a woman one day it's supposed to be this big deal you're supposed to be a different person but then one day you're there you're living with somebody you know and you're like wow this wasn't it's either great or it's just weird to see revolutionally like yeah i know it's crazy and then it's uh we're we're gonna wait a while to move in together but it is kind of crazy like we started like this the weekend i caught myself thinking like fuck what if what if we get married or something in a few years and then when i'm 35 i'm completely different because i mean i see i see it so much now i mean my parents are divorced her parents are divorced it's uh and it's getting to the point where a decision has to be made

like it's not like she's not asking for a ring but at some point she's gonna want one after a couple years and what she wants and what she gets is two different fucking stories lead yeah they all want something but it's your time and it's at your pace and they're gonna break your balls it took me nine years to propose to terry oh yeah she she'd murder me well it's it's no no no it's what she had to go somewhere else where you're gonna go the store is fucking closed yeah where you're gonna go this is your you know uh and that's a mistake we make that as men you you made a very valid point this morning like you can't do everything that they want to fucking do all the time that's why sometimes you come to me like i'm going to this restaurant i'm like don't do it just for the simple thing that

you have to have i have a different relationship with terry than i say with carol when i first moved here when i first moved here carol used to always want to come to my comedy shows when i started dating terry that shit wasn't gonna fly right i don't want you in my comedy shows i made that a fucking point from day one yeah she's never there no no i don't you know but terry's the type of person that she went to three of them and said this ain't for me anyway yeah this ain't for me i can't see you know i'm i'm gonna be working at this club in october and i was thinking about the feature act and i love them dealing but i know that he's going to show but his wife the family you know her brother the in-laws the whole fucking week and i'm over that point and he's been doing

comedy as long as i have i don't get it i don't get it it's like they meet and then they do their hair and it's this big fucking deal to me i want to get in and out of there but every you know we're just talking about uh every relationship is different i'm always i was thinking about you a lot this weekend because it has been a year you know a year earlier we were torturing melissa last year at the san jose improv right yeah you know that's clear that was after like that was like after my first date with paul we had two dates and then i went to san jose with you and she went to new york and yeah it's been a year since that's fucking crazy and it's crazy how i i remember being 20 and being a fucking ball of death like i was just fucking crazy i'm being it was july 1st

1985 so it was basically 29 years ago and i was alone you know i didn't know what to expect when i met this girl i met this girl lived downstairs in my building i saw her come up for a vacuum one day and we made eye contact and a week later i asked her for a soda and we went out to chinese food and we went i had a stolen credit card so i was taking the lunches under $50 so they would never run the credit card and uh we ended up the cops were looking for me for credit card for it and i told her the truth i liked her and i told her the truth so listen i ain't gonna lie to you the cops are looking where i gotta get out of here she's like i'm coming with you so she decided to come with me this great little blue white girl decided to come with me

and i remember being in san francisco in a hotel room with this girl like going all my life i wanted to live with a woman here it is here it is i'm in the bed that's it i get up in the morning i go get a coffee i go get her a danish you know i go get her whatever harness shoes i come back we we she gets ready we take a walk i mean i was living with this fucking woman you know and it was amazing that i made this whole big deal up in my head right it was this whole big deal up in my head about this you know dating somebody and being with somebody and here it was and it was no big fucking deal you know it was no big fucking deal society had made this big fucking deal about you're gonna live with her in this and it was no big fucking deal yeah now instead of just going

on a date with her i didn't have to call her no more i don't pick her up anymore she was right fucking there you know yeah it's uh the evolution of love is really amazing and now to be with terry for 14 fucking years that's great the first two years with terry i don't i didn't even see her really didn't even see her i don't think i'd see her here and there drips and drabs after work midnight it was just amazing how this whole thing worked out you know but it's uh it's really a good thing to see you you want to wait for your anniversary yeah it's good there are and it's it's not even her that's it's like if she listen she's not gonna listen but it's not negative things but i'm like hmm sometimes i'll be i'll be like should i be thinking about

stuff from podcast right now sometimes i'll have thoughts like that but which i guess i don't know if it's negative or i shouldn't have it but every once in a while i'll be like huh should i mean she's only there on the weekends and i and if i do steve's podcast i'll still do it on during the weekends but every once in a while like i wonder if there's something else i should be doing but it's i mean like you've said that you don't even do Sundays anymore because you have to spend parts of the weekend with your family and we have to have balance in your life yeah right you have to have that's what this life is about man and uh when we're young sometimes we don't have a lot of balance we have a job and then we have the weekends i mean i never took a vacation

from the vacation right you know when you when you were when i lived in jersey ology is friday came you got a bag of quailudes you went down the shore and you came back sunday night yeah you came back sunday night you went to bed you woke up and you went to work there was no gap there was no there was nothing you know there was no nothing yeah so it's just uh i mean listen man sometimes i sit there and i'm sitting with mercy the baby i'm like i should be writing a joke right now but this is balance yeah this is balance last night i was sitting there and i was like i need to do this i need no i don't i need to watch 60 minutes and catch my breath to me that's what i do every sunday night i need to watch 60 minutes and relax you know or what's the hbo sports real time real

sports or whatever the fuck yeah you have to do it something that i've taped you know for me to entertain i have to get entertained yes you know for me to entertain i have to entertain to learn how to entertain so i have to be entertained you know sometimes i have nothing to do i need to get entertained for an hour i've been on this computer enough i've i've i've looked at this pad enough i've got a gym enough i've worried about this jujitsu move enough now it's time to just soak now it's time to take two hits off a fucking pipe and let my mind take its fucking course relax relax i think that that's what i didn't do at an early age is find the time for myself and now i find the time for myself you know the last two months i've been having success losing weight that's awesome about

losing weight a pound here a pound there and i didn't know what it was i was sticking to a diet i was working out yeah i didn't know what it was and then i sent my computer card in behind my sleep apnea machine i have a card and you're supposed to send it in every 60 days every 30 days then they email you a report of your month what night you had apnea what night you drank alcohol what your blood pressure was while you were sleeping wow it has an indel report and the doctor called me and said i was sleeping like 4.8 hours 4.3 hours a night yeah when you told me i couldn't believe it like fuck but it's true because i was going to bed at 10 to 12 and then 4.15 oh let me get up i got something to do and i get up and i'm drinking coffee and

then the whole day i'm walking around tired yeah it's the blood pressure's high because when you don't sleep your blood pressure shoots up yep so that's the downfall of that that that disease that i always have to do something joey don't you sleep i get on twitter and i'd see people going joey don't you sleep you were just on twitter four hours ago yeah i've been forcing myself to take care of myself lately as far as the sleep is concerned you know i i i i i eat an extra edible you know it's amazing how when i was snorting blowing going out every night i could eat three 10 milligram valium so that's 30 milligrams of valium i got up to 60 milligrams wow is that a lot oh my god that could kill a horse you know okay now i could do a 0.5 wow

and sleep an extra two hours so what happens is i go to bed at 11 when i wake up at four or three to pee i'll stay up after i pee i'll see one of the cats and start patina and next you know i'm on the floor and that's not good for me so now as soon as i pee i don't even look at the cats i just run back to that fucking bed put the blanket on my head and pray to god that i fucking fall asleep you know yeah so i've been taking care of myself more that way that's what's made you know there's so many variables and take care of yourself there's so many fucking variables and you know what man when you're 28 and you're working a job is it you know for an air conditioning company and you got a girlfriend and she lives 45 minutes away you don't sleep you know i know i've been there i

know what it's like to fucking have a job and drive and you gotta drive here and there and you don't fucking sleep you take that but you gotta you know there's so many variables are taking care of yourself you gotta drink water you gotta take supplements you gotta it's a fucking part job yeah it's a job it's a lifestyle that's why weight watchers this is not a diet it's a fucking lifestyle this is it this is you know it's what you're gonna have to do what's up nothing i'm feeling i'm feeling this Steve Simone's Hermanos Steve Simone's in the motherfucking house getting ready for Vegas yeah i can't wait for that you know uh they're taping

top season uh in LA and in Vegas you know like the u.s.c. when they have top oh cool so surgery of pettus against uh fuck i was just thinking of his name jesus fucking christ so they're in vegas next weekend so i'm gonna hit the one kid up to come to the show how'd that be cool so uh what the fuck is his name gilbert melendez with jake shields and all the fucking sandals so they're in vegas so myself and uh Steve Simone i'm surprised steve's even gonna be in vegas because i don't know how la joya's gonna survive fucking steve is in la joya every fucking weekend yeah i've never seen nothing like that in all my life i love sam he's either at the fucking comedy store or they do one event he's fucking one night is what do you do one night

malhall's got one at the gas lamp and that's a cool little bar downtown and that's on fridays and saturday they do that on fridays and then there's another one at this club called the wood right two blocks away from the condo and pacific beach i would stop by on a wednesday night it was awesome the kids like you're gonna come down on august i was like you're goddamn right so they do comedy pacific beach on wednesdays yeah it's a great room you should go in there and blow all way up what's the name of the kid uh josh nelson he's a good dude not the other kid that used to run all those pb beaches you know uh sandiego had a great comedy scene about 10 12 years ago they even had a monday night wow so basically your week ran monday night at this uh oh my god i forget the

name but fucking cool as shit what's that fucking oh my god i forget the name of that pain was that the i remember seeing you at moon doggies with sam with sam triply back in the day yeah moon doggies was tuesday night and then Wednesday night they had something the one next door to it yes tuesday night was the moon doggies with where i met adam hunter the stage was elevated that's the first time i met adam hunter he came up and was like listen dog i'm doing my conan set so make sure you prepare to follow me and shit that's a start and he didn't know that this is a hell fucking room yeah they don't give a fuck about conan and you got to be crazy they don't give a fuck they didn't give a fuck about those credits then so that was tuesday night and then wednesday night was the moon

doggies the one next to it where the chick got naked and came on stage with me that time had a tremendous body and we fingered it fucking tremendous and then that's next to moon doggies is next to it's closed down the street yes it's closed to the deadies right so that and then they had that on lindsay night then thursday to the little hoi a comedy store yep they always had like a theme night super fun yeah best of san diego or and then friday and saturday just stays at the store yeah so that was a great little fucking weekend sat sunday you had the dairy queen there a little drive through it was like a 1950 dairy queen oh two little drive through windows it breaks my fucking heart they got rid of it they still got the mexican joint correct yeah on the

angle and then you got donk don carlos and lehoya the best the best yeah yeah he hooks it up they got some and then your buddy hit me up don't want to do this confirmation we was 15 yeah don carlos that fucking little tick don carlos this confirmation is 52 it's fantastic i gotta tell you something man i had a san jose is one of those towns like lehoya that we've been going to as a comic for fucking 15 years you know because before san jose the club got big they would always have us during the week wednesdays and thursdays drive up drive up five hours do the show share a hotel room and then you come home san jose was one of the last we're on the hotel and san jose is tremendous yeah it's nice it's the fairmont hotel it's fucking tremendous you have a great week you know san jose has uh the

bakery downstairs oh yeah with those real big treats all kinds of treats i stayed the fuck out of this time i went to mccormick and schmitz one time i got the lobster salad they have a lobster special salad for lunch jesus fucking christ little bits of lobster with lettuce tomato you know what and i'm impressed with it for california they do it that way all the motherfucking time in texas at papa does i love the papa yeah papa does they do with that seafood lettuce tomato oh my fucking god well you don't even finish it you can't finish it you know but this place did it pretty nice uh plus i used my little uh mccormick and schmitz card and they picked up the soup on the um nice and but then original jose is just too much yeah we went there one last year at like 10 30 in the

morning we you planned the walk coming like be downstairs at 10 27 because with the walk you got the dishes the doors opened i love original jose get a side of spaghetti when it's tremendous to go in there on a diet it's it's different discipline no bread that's it no bread no butter which is the best bread in california i didn't touch the fucking bread one time no appetizers no soups no nothing the one day i went to work out and i had a salad nice with a little steak the little tiny steak no bread that was it and the one day i went in and got a i split the cheeseburger because you ever see this fucking cheeseburger in there no is it good oh it's fucking you gotta see the steak and eggs in there oh my god my friend got steak and eggs with them like look at the size

that fucking thing he kept offering me half the steak i split the hamburger with his wife his wife was like joey i don't want to eat that much i don't need a duet i just put the uh the hamburgers nice and i tasted one steak fry just to see that yeah they don't fuck around they take a real fucking french fry they take a real potato chop it up and dip that motherfucker they don't fuck around a original jose since 1985 i've been eating at original jose wow 1985 we're gonna go on 30 years but i've been with and i ate i ate original jose at the fucking airport yesterday on the way out you know me i got two steak two eggs a steak and no bread no potatoes but i got an order of fruit oh it's awesome that's it and i just inhaled the fucking fruit that's so good for you tremendous yeah

it was a great weekend of dining and the shows were good you know like i said i haven't put a a solid 45 minutes together since i did the cd yeah limbo yeah but i'm working on things and things are starting to shine yeah i love those sets i love those sets because things are starting to shine two jokes here one joke here and you know you know you're two weekends away from coming up with 35 minutes i feel it from it all come at this point yeah i could feel it because sometimes you get down on yourself and you're like ah the people aren't gonna get their monies worth i'm gonna they're gonna leave pissed off but this weekend you know what man i could feel the weave starting to come you know that they're all mending together now it's just it's

really weird how comedy works you could be banging off for three months you believe in a bit you believe in a bit it gets 50% yield on the labor you know people laughing but not really but you believe in it and it just needs that little tweak it needs a finger up the ass or a tongue in the fucking vagina it needs something and all of a sudden you write something and it coerces and it fits right and now you got three bits yeah so when you had no bits now you got 28 minutes because and and i see it when i left san jose i'm signing like oh i see it yeah it's right fucking there i need one thing to insert and it's over i'm taking motherfuckers life away you understand me is that what people don't when when people say people don't let's see comedians

that don't write is because that i mean it sounds like where you're at is fun but like the very beginning of it once you get through all that work you're like fuck i don't want to lose this it took me seven months to write this but if you wrote it once you get right it again that's the confidence that's where you come from you know when i build the building if i'm an architect when i design a building if i design a beautiful building is that the only fucking building i'm gonna design no i'm gonna design a better building yeah and i'm gonna design a better building i'm gonna design a better building so you always want to stay it kills me when i can't come up there with at least one new anything yeah something fucking happened that these people

deserve to know about something fucking happened something happened on the drive here something happened that lifted your curiosity that you could turn into laughter for two minutes yeah something fucking but then again it's also the evolution of a comic is so fucking roughly i went to watch comedy thursday night okay i went to see a friend of mine in san jose did like a little open mica and it's amazing that i saw a kid get up that he did two jokes that were rewritten stolen and he did a joke about asian drivers and i was like wow this is so fucking bad one of the jokes was rewritten mexican joke from a well-known comic that as soon as you hear the joke you're like oh fuck you know but it's amazing the evolution of a comic and where you

want to go well i mean i talk about college along here that's only four years and like every almost every comic i hear says it's at least ten years before you get any good at all i agree and i disagree yeah it's like anything else you know it's like jujitsu it'll take you a year maybe a year and a half just to see all the pictures and all the players and then after that you start making progress yeah but not as fast as you would want it yeah it's frustrating okay by the two year mark and the back of your head you're ready for HBO okay the reality is you're ready to host yeah do you follow me so you have to align the mental compass with what's really with the reality compass okay that's what's going on uh i love to to mind fuck myself but i never got ahead of myself

you know it's really weird i saw uh when i was a kid i used to watch phil jackson i used to talk on the phone to whitey odon on chucking Mcbrane tremendous all right we were watching the nick game no matter who the nicks would play there was a time there in the seventh grade but me and chucking Mcbrane and whitey odon will put in 25 dollar bets in the seventh grade 12 year old kids 12 year old kids 25 that's a lot of money back that's a lot of money that's seven dollars a piece eight if you fucking lose on the vague all right eight or nine dollars if you lose on the vague because it's dirty if you lose 25 it's 25 to win dirty to lose so we were in the seventh grade and the nicks would play whoever we bet Tuesday and Wednesday games we had a science down already

we played Tuesday Wednesday at Thursday games and let me tell you something i don't know how in those days we used to have a three-way phone yeah somebody could click the line twice so what you did was so in the old days you picked up a regular house phone yep if somebody called you you had to hit the line and then oh yeah what's up hold on i got steve on the other phone call way and you hit the lane it was quite cold waiting yeah but in those even in the 70s you had three-way calling where you clicked it twice and two kids would come on the phone or whatever that had to be so much fun so it would be me and you on the phone watching this nicking yeah and we would be yelling fuck you fuck cocksuck oh shit oh and whitey would be like what am i gonna do i can't ask my

grandmother for ten dollars again you know what am i gonna do my grandfather's gonna be mad at me you know ten dollars a lot of money when you're in the seventh grade again plus you want to go to school dance plus you want to get stuff to do yeah you got stuff to do right so i'm gonna forget they would put filth jackson in when you were a kid and the nicks would put filth jackson in your reaction was all right time to go fuck this motherfucker he wasn't he wasn't he was horrible he came off the bench and his main attribute was to defend against the ball coming in from out of bounds he was six foot eight lanky and had these long arms so do this so he would just do that yeah as soon as they put filth jackson your guy over talked to the ball fuck that's his dad and somebody

would hang up the phone like fuck you motherfucker we've been mushed you know yeah we've been mushed filth jackson has become one of the best basketball players or coaches or best minds best minds of our day just hanging a million a month to to fix new york thirty fucking years ago when i was in eighth grade seventh grade filth jackson was a fucking joke amongst joey dears whitey o'Donnell and chucky mcbreen the irish power of tower tower of power right that's hysterical so that's just the the greatest lesson i ever got was from a comedian a black comedian who used to put cotton balls in his mouth and what he used to go this is my personation oh no of marlin brandon the godfather he would put cotton balls in his mouth and turn around and he would turn right back around and go

somebody fucked up my teeth right you know just stupid shit you know but he came up to me one day we were talking and he said to me i love these guys that think they're headlining at the six year mark he goes i love these guys this guy held a day job and he was a computer engineer and he did comedy he was very funny he had his moments but he was also very knowledgeable about comedy like once i met him i knew that he had seen through it yeah there's people that are not negative there's people that could look at a situation analyze it and say this is what i need to put into this i'm gonna do this but i can't do this right now he had two children right had insurance he had a house he looked like eddie murphy he was very funny but in his mind he knew the reality of this

game god you can't do this right now i could do this on the weekends to accent my money and to make it a lobby but i can't dig into this there couldn't be so when you see somebody who's that very honest with themselves from the jump you got to appreciate that attribute like you got to look at and go holy shit that guy's on to something he's not really a loser because i had he was always that comic that drove me home yeah but he would always drive me home and talk to me on the west call and one day he told me he goes the most important thing because you see a lot of comedians they think at the six five year marks they're headliners because some booker was headlining in the bar right and yes you're a headliner by name at that time but you're not a headliner

that's the truth you know the head you know there's journeyman electrician you know when you listen to journeyman electrician didn't harrick Clapton put an album called journeyman journeyman electrician somebody who's been around somebody who's you know before you become a journeyman electrician you're a residential wireman you get a license so you start off as a helper and then you're a residential wireman which means you could wire dwellings up to two homes or three families don't quote me on this i don't know exactly i'm just explaining levels and then yeah after four years you could take a test to become a journeyman but a smart electrician knows it takes about seven or eight years to really yeah i'm gonna be a journeyman but i'm gonna get put on a job with

real fucking journeyman yeah and i'm gonna go in there throw my weight around i'm gonna fuck something up yeah do you follow me yeah once you understand the heart of something jujitsu is eddie bravo has an on-bar cabrinha has an on-bar and fucking dave camarillo has an on-bar they're gonna teach it to you each one might be a little bit different you're gonna go but but but lee talk yeah but the art of it is you making it your own wow that's brilliant that's the art that's the martial art every every art has a punch you're gonna sit here and go joey i went to taekwondo school and there's 60 bucks a month and i went to the karate school and there's 65 a month i get more classes what's the difference you know well one has more kicks then you go online

what champions have one with taekwondo you know with kung fu doesn't matter because it's an art it's what you're gonna do with it you know that's why you can't look at another comic can go well i want to do what steve someone is doing you can't do what steve someone is doing because you have to take what steve someone is doing either put a variation on it or make it better in your mind yeah make it your own make it your own you know and that's what stand up so brother you know wait i didn't know how good you were as a producer i did somebody else's podcast the other day i understood your job a lot more okay i understand do you follow me so sometimes you have to see this fucking game differently in your head a lot of people a lot of people kill at barney's

beanery yeah and next you know they're on the phone with caa going dog you better tell uh bill burr to sit back bitch yeah right you know you better tell kevin heart that it's all over from the hand of the phone that look because i felt like doing it yeah how do i know because i did it yeah right i remember the first time doing 42 minutes at some bar in denver like after i had been doing 15 minutes for 20 years like one night they forgot to give me the light the guy that was supposed to give me a light was getting his dick sucked in the back of the car and i'm back there just doing material yeah you follow me it was like a placebo effect if you would call me and say to me joey i got a room for you tonight i want you to do 45 minutes i go steve i love you i can't do

45 and you go joey yes you can come on i'll give you 100 bucks i'm like i can't yeah just because i'm real i can't i wouldn't get put myself in that position but while i was up on stage featuring doing 30 he was going after the car to get his dicks up so i kept doing time and he came in and finally gave me the light he's like oh i'm sorry bro i'm like why what happened he goes you ended up doing 43 minutes and i'm like get the fuck out of here he's like yeah man look i got that i was i forgot i went out in that bar time that was sucking my dick i didn't tell what's his name to give you a light the first time i realized i did 43 minutes so i didn't tell the story right you know uh i had lining is when you do 45 minutes yeah so i was only supposed to do 30

the guy didn't give me the light to get off stage and i would kept going it was like yeah i kept going i didn't know yeah when i got off he told me i did 43 minutes late i didn't even drive home that night i floated home yeah yeah i just went to the parking lot i lit my car on fire and i just floated the fuck home yeah because i did 43 minutes i did headline of time and for two days i was by the phone with a list of numbers i was on the call and tell him to suck my dick because i had done 43 minutes yeah god i was very i knew that i wasn't a headline i knew i had done the time right but i wasn't a headline right headline you know when i became a headline if i tell you guys when i became a headline you both laugh when two years ago in columbus ohio how long had you been

headlining 12 years probably wow okay when i first moved to la in 97 like i sent on a headlining mission i didn't even i wasn't even a good feature i wasn't even a purple belt with straps i was like a blue belt with a few straps and i was sent to jacksonville to headline i did terrible i knew i wasn't a headline i knew in my heart a lot of people that wouldn't be that honest themselves i knew in my heart i wasn't a headline or so i never really tried to push myself out as a headliner again unless it was a sea room i was a lot better than sea headliners yeah but i was on a headliner but i'm telling you right now i've been doing comedy for 23 years and i became a headline of two years ago what happened i could have become a headline after 12 or 13 years but

because of my uh drug addiction and my other problems i didn't focus on it i never thought i would achieve that goal you just click it clicks on stage once you see a headliner you see a head liner you go wow that's a headline yeah a lot of guys are out there doing comedy and doing headlining time yeah that's different you're a headliner when you would watch greg haraldo you know you were watching a headliner when you were watching joe rogan you know you're watching a headliner when you're watching fluffy yeah you know you're watching a headliner even when you're watching dane cook you know you're watching a headliner would have been saved by dane cook he has a beginning a middle and ending and he could hold you for 45 minutes there's a difference between

a headliner and a comic and that's why a lot of you people know about certain comics and they're going to become headliners but they're not headliners yet you know you feel the same way about headlining i mean you had line rooms right now yeah you're starting to yeah but yeah there's something to it you can't i don't even know how you would describe it you just watch somebody and they draw you into their world and you go okay it's a different thing do you think it's i mean i'm not really too high but like you know how like you said at the beginning you feel like your headliner but you're not and then you just said like two years ago is where i think i became a headliner maybe in like five years of like fuck i thought i was a headliner seven years ago but now i'm a

headliner like it seems like it keeps going well if you if you take any value in what you do as a human being if you take any value in what you do you know you're gonna get better in certain spots yeah you know at this point i know i have weaknesses in my stand-up game absolutely we all do you know we all want that 45 minutes people on when i leave the stage i want you i want to look like what would the room look like if brucey came in here yeah i don't want people to stand up i don't want people to clap i want them to be on the floor laying there like i shot them i want to see 200 people on the floor i don't want to see you standing clapping or clapping or going that was a great time fuck no i want to see you barfing wow you know that's in my mind so until i see that i didn't

do a good fucking job wow people will come up to you and say my jaw is hurt whatever that's great that's if you i don't see you i didn't i don't see no ambulance to see you know i'm saying i'm coked up and some chicks gotta suck my dick till a jaw pops up and you gotta downline you gotta blow job till your jaw pops out you ever suck that fucking twat till your jaw pops out no i must be doing it wrong till the bottom of this thing swells up you have that little line under there you wake up the next morning you have like a little fucking blister under there that's when you know you ate that ass for like 55 fucking minutes you know what i'm saying you suck that fucking thing like a slurpee on a Sunday where's the music slurpee let's put this shit on cock sucker it's

monday july 14th a beautiful fucking day to be alive what it breaks your heart let's do the head i just did the head of one of those goombas no you got a little head like glee to see them they made it to look like glee that's only running on the treadmill look at them where's the music cock sucker you want to wait for it no why not because i had just the head you had to like the whole body had just the head and this is going to be bad you guys you're gonna eat the arm next i'm gonna eat the whole body except for you

what do you like the wing the wing he does it you go out there into this cruel world and you're prepared you understand me yeah you take the world by storm like fucking patent Steve Simone in the house my brother let me give him some shoutouts real quick Steve Simone to some fucking people i gotta get to you gotta talk to you about some stink things here i'm about to get a shout out to my main man john Diaz my main man Robert Rodriguez bringing me a pipe and shit from my fucking vaporizer jim bergman i love you cock sucker Beatrice Bathory i love you too Jason Schminner will nail drip i love you too and

Joshua Michelski get it together all the people who came out in san jose some badass motherfuckers came out Sergio Ortega always showing up with Lee's fucking flying duty shit i love dude i love their facebook picture it was uh it was a great weekend in san jose it's funny because i got involved in something uh i wanted to train with guerrilla jiu-jitsu his name is Dave Camarillo and i want to take one of the classes and it's fucked up thursday my plane was delayed by two hours i tell you about that no i love southwest you know i really do southwest with these short jumps they do they do the chicken they do the trick for an hour for two hours unless i got no beef with southwest it's when you gotta sound there for five hours yeah it's a long fucking plane ride

yeah and uh i went there were two hours late so i missed the five o'clock purple bell class on wednesday night so i called Dave and i go Dave can i come in tomorrow for the open mat he goes yeah what do you want to do you want to roll like nah let me go and get a lesson from you let me tell you something he gave me a private lesson i was fucking wiped the fuck out yeah that picture literally it worked hard oh my god that motherfucker put me through hell the torches of hell but my training partner was kyle kingsbury's father who was a brown belt and he was 61 years old wow or 56 or 61 that's great he started at 56 oh okay 61 years old you should have seen this guy's body you should have seen his fucking body i could feel his strength when we're rolling

it's just amazing it's it's a great little art you know i mean i couldn't work out sadly my knee was hurting uh i'm gonna have to cut my knee i'm gonna have to do the surgery oh i'm gonna get a second opinion from a therapist on the home plane making an appointment i tell you what's hurting my knee also those two shows yeah i gotta put my leg up in between shows you know those fucking friday when i got home my knee was on fire you know because i do the show i talk to people i'm standing that i do the other fucking show it was on fire and i hate fucking taking your leaves every night i hate that that should kills your fucking liver and your kidneys you know yeah so i think i'm gonna have to cut this i'm gonna go give this one guy a shot my friend's boyfriend is some type he

does some type of therapy with lasers you know my wrist hurts from the kettle bounce one wrist i hurt my wrist but it doesn't hasn't got any better and this knee's fucking up and i gotta be honest to you this other knee's starting to slip a little bit probably because of it where you got a balance it's the wet problem this way and like i said i'm making a fight and i'm going at it every week a little by little but it was uh you know i called i'm such a fucking pussy bro fear works and it tries to take you over at all fucking levels that's true and i hear it in people's voices because i heard it in my voice for years you know and it's funny when you try to break somebody's fear for certain reasons i'm good at it because i had to be i had to break my own fears exactly

i'm very good at what somebody says to me wow there's gonna be traffic listen bitch i hate fucking traffic okay there ain't gonna be no fucking traffic i wouldn't put you in that predicament all right there's gonna be traffic or whatever and i know how fear shows up in different ways and it's so funny i felt fucking great thursday night after i did the show at 10 o'clock me and those goomies and monos hooked up we were smoking dabs before the show we fucking went there was a long line on thursday night there was 200 and some people on thursday night i felt fucking great wow i went on stage i had a mediocre set it was my first set of the night you know yeah so uh first set of the week i was busy during the week so i didn't get on stage

we had two night podcasts one of them went late so i didn't really get a chance just to work out the hot so that first thursday night was my first set and let me tell you someone went down it and it was okay but i was so fucking stoned on stage from those dabs it was just sensational but those people from san jose it seemed like a lee is my fucking uh voucher here is it me or does everybody in san jose get hot oh i remember is it mainly or my line to the people here everyone who comes to your show because remember i was high on uh were anti delores and two kids came up and they took a big nugget out of like their back pocket they're like this is lisa iowine and i was like holy like we grew this for you i've never i couldn't talk the night was melissa in

san jose i was just walking around i couldn't i couldn't open my mind she showed up with a box 500 milligram brownies oh oh that's terrible here's the best about gumis and monos i love nail their life i love everything about these guys they're hardworking they got great customer service i tell you they had a peanut brittle and i was supposed to bring lisa but i forgot it leave this peanut brittle it's so fucking delicious you know when you put something in your mouth and you just let it melt because some things you bite some things you just melt yeah just melts and it's less than it's 125 milligrams that they want to so what they did is they made it as strong as the gummy gummy but they don't give you as much oh okay so it's just a little taste

on the move you know i'm saying fucking delicious tremendous brother tremendous do you smoke actual weed this weekend uh yes i did two bonk hits with uh what's his name saturday night that i get high a little bit yeah i had a good time i had a really simple i like when i have time to tomorrow i have to talk to comedy central i'm doing a show with arie oh that's gonna be a great story tell me but the time frame's gonna suck why it's 12 minutes they're gonna do a commercial break at seven so your story has to go around seven minutes and you gotta bring them back i don't really have a story you know it has to be picked between friendship romance danger and something else i like the danger aspect i'm sure you got a thousand thousand danger aspect

but real danger real you know it's funny how when you uh you don't who directed the godfather copula you don't know how good francis copula is until you watch godfather one and and you know we sit here podcast after podcast if you have a conversation about movies somewhere along the line it goes back to the godfather something like that masterpiece and yes it is a mafia movie that is very interesting it's got a great cast but the best person in that cast is francis for copula because you know directing has directing has become a person with a camera directing is the is the original storyteller okay the director takes the script first the producer and he reads it the producer says well in my eyes this is what i feel i want the reader to take home

or the person who watches this film to take home yeah the director comes along and he figures out how he's gonna become that conduit how he's gonna let the the people who pay the eight dollars or the five dollars or the twelve dollars coming to see this movie how are they gonna take that message home and there's a couple of scenes in the godfather one and two where the camera work is brilliant because it takes your mind somewhere and it takes your head somewhere else ie when veto dies they don't show his body they don't show him falling they show him about to have a heart attack and then the camera pulls back yeah and a minute after he dies when the kid goes to run the wind passes of heavy wind yeah in your mind that's a little wind taking your soul that's how

we were raised you know what i'm saying so that's a really good director but there's a scene in that movie where he and i want to talk about this i just need to get the balls to tell the story and it's where he right before he's about to kill salato in the restaurant and you hear the trains you hear the trains anybody who's done something bad when you shoplift that's something bad because you're going against what you believe you know i'm saying you're going against your morals if you fuck a woman in the ass when she's sleeping you know you you're going against your morals so you feel bad but you still do it but when i say to you uh bleed we're gonna get a gun i'm gonna kick that fucking door down you just started dating this girl you just came back from

your one year anniversary the podcast is going gray your father's doing well after all these years your mom has just retired she's happy all these things are going well and then joey dears is asking you to get a gun and go kicking the door two minutes before we kick in that door what you feel is something that you've never felt before what you're about to feel is something you've never felt before the sense of danger the sense of fear the sense of you're about to lose everything all rolled up into one fucking man people have never put that weight together i'm gonna put it together for you you have no idea he's michael quali only he's in the army you know he just gotta you know he's home they just shot his father everybody in his family

everybody he knows is a fucking killer i'm not talking about some guy that just shoots you and runs in his car i'm talking about guys that will put a gun in your fucking mouth and sit there and blow your brains out and then smoke a cigarette afterward and talk about how they got the same shit you got and you're worried these are killers these are psychopath killers he's got all this pressure in the world he's gonna step outside this bathroom door he's gonna pull a gun from a bathroom he's gonna step outside the bathroom door and he's gonna kill the hottest gangster in new york city and the chief of police what was that mcclustin mcclustin captain of police captain you're about to kill a cop and a gangster

and you're you're supposed to walk into a car that's going to pick you up miraculously do you know what's going through your mind and there's a you know put the scene on there's a scene there's a part in that scene where he looks down and cuts his head you have no idea and everything starts to rumble everything rumbles in your mind fear works fucked up and you're and you move that up when he goes to the bathroom because he's walking into the bathroom he's walking in the stall right now do you want to go further oh yeah before he goes to go out okay you just you find he's finding the gun you know he's holding on to his head there's silence the director is is building the fear of

Michael Corleone that he's building it himself and only a person who's done something very bad knows this fear i'm talking about this danger when you're thinking and you're looking on the floor and you're thinking about your kids you're thinking about your parents you're thinking about your mom your dad your job he already walked out mm-hmm you know and now the train's going to start rolling again right i think so see his he's talking to him but he can't even focus yeah he's not making any content he's not he hears this train you hear that train that's that's him telling you fear this is tremendous when you're that scared you ain't hearing nothing he's about to there you go

it's monday morning motherfuckers jeez you worried about the fucking way don't worry about it he's union you know fear is fucking crazy but that's that that i forgot about that aspect of it that he's talking to him and he can't even hear what he's saying that's how much fear takes over your heart you all you hear is your heart beating and all you see is your life flashed before your eyes like i'm never going to see lia again i'm never going to see steve somone what if they got a guy down the corner what if this guy doesn't

die and pull out a gun he shoots me back what if what if i do you have all these what ifs running through your mind and there's only one thing for you to do is pull that fucking trigger kick that door down you know uh you know i did so many fucking things that involved my heart beating and you know why i did them because it made my dick get hard till this day i love my dick to get hard i might what not before sex but before something that something it's like when i say something it's like when i get into an argument when somebody tries to boss me around on a set because they're a director or a producer and you fire back at them i live in that world that's my world to say something back to you it's my world i love that when my heart beats when you say

something and there's that fucking moment of silence like time just stops i love all that shit not all the time like i used to when i was 18 right but once a month that ain't bad it's a bad it's like when they're playing cards and goodfellas and they shoot the guy and they all look at each other like it's a great fucking game it's a great game you know somebody got shot lee what's up you cock sucker no much buddy look at you storm to the girls do someone what's going on with you lee ain't got nothing to say you know just uh looking forward to vegas happy i recorded the album finally you yeah finally you've recorded this cd what eight nine million times it went great the ones i went to was awesome yeah so you recorded this one where i had the comedy

store on the right night so you went to la hoya finally i looked at you how long was the drive from hour ten i think because we went to the lake show to miss the all the bad traffic so was lee sitting there with his wife yeah paula came in i was so excited because i didn't think you were bananas he was playing this shit he had his arm looped in her arm like that that was great lee sciat's here and then people that listened to the podcast were like there's lee boom boom sciat and then people were coming up to me after the show i heard lee was here was lee here i heard there was a lee siding it was great bad motherfucker look oh my goodness lee when you go home what are your parents talk to you about well i know that i'm feeling anymore but when you go home at this

point in your life in your career what do your friends say to you about comedy do they ask you stupid questions not anymore i remember uh like a joke i did about it was like when i first went back to philly everybody was like how's it going when are you gonna make it like you know when you would have a good set at the comedy store and you walk i remember walking offstage going i should call my parents and tell them pick out a beach house i'll be able to buy it for you now nobody even cares like nobody nobody wants to put that kind of pressure on me they're just happy to see me see your parents living in florida now no who's left in philly my brother's my aunts my uncle's cousins it's amazing and they do they remember the beginning when you started in philly yeah and

that would they go watch it then and you'd be like fucking dying on stage or you'd be talking about i didn't do that much in philly but when i got started i was filthy on stage i would just because i was nervous i would curse all the time and then now you don't do it yeah let them laugh like i'm not laugh who cares it's funny you're kicking ass bro and you're all the way every week listen man as long as you're out there that's it and this is all we talk about and that's it's so important with comics especially la you know what what your attitude and your habits are when you're in philly or michigan or idaho those are great for them yeah when you live in this town there's so many small windows of opportunity anymore especially on the weekends to get on stage

you think about a beginning comics career we get on stage sunday to thursday because there's open mics friday and saturday the money nights they don't need us right so for us to get on stage on friday and saturday and right now you're in that transition period yep well you're just about for people to start coming to see you you're just right there it's just six more months you know but every weekend it's funny like uh i goofed about when i lived in washington there was a club called giggles and the owner had he was a vietnam vet and he got hit with a fucking with a shell or something like that and he would forget so he would come in on saturday and see you friday and saturday and on saturday i think he paid me i would ask the waitress to go inside and he was the

feature act for the weekend and the girl would come out and go nobody and nine a.m monday morning i would call him he'd go who's this joey d is hey joey what can i do for you i want to feature in your club when was the last time you were there eight years ago i was just there the weekend before wow but his mind was so bad he would keep booking me i would be there two three weeks in a row and i would tell my friends call down there and then i would jump back on the train and next you know i'd leave me and you we were the only features he had leave when he asked you one more last time you were down there telling me eight years ago or here it gets better i would take a draw from him on thursdays he would forget wow he would pay me on saturdays so in those days i was a feature

act i was getting 250 for the weekend right it was $50 a show i would get him for 200 on thursday night plus the 250 so i get him for 450 so it became a little bit better you follow me he was still shitting money but it was better than nothing you follow me because he would forget to give you a draw from thursday night and you're doing the same thing and i giggle and i wasn't making funny i was just giggling that you got a whole year locked down you don't have to get on no plane everybody else is getting on a plane carrying luggage you're getting your car on thursdays you're gonna place the stay one way another you gotta go uh how's the condo look these days i mean they just put wi-fi in it so it's fantastic come on yep wi-fi what else new

carpeting new carpeting it's great no rats no you know what they don't even i guess somebody got sick or something you know people leave down like you know what okay joey's coming in next week leave these beers in the fridge we'll leave these chips here they clean out everything now everything so i was giving food to don carlos i'm like because we were watching the soccer game yesterday and i go just take it all he doesn't leave it for the comics next week i go they throw it all out i'm embarrassed i know nothing about the soccer i know germany played argentina i think god it's over that's all i know it's over and it was alright i don't know nothing about soccer i don't know and it's so it's amazing how this country came in waves when i was in grandma school and

high school soccer still wasn't popularizing the east coast uh uh some spanish guys played it right when i was a kid some form of spanish people played it right i didn't know they were mexicans i just knew that on sundays at hudson county park and some of the parks some brown motherfuckers would get together and kick a ball around i don't know what the fuck that is right and then now you know everybody's doing it you know well for years people did like roge stewart's a big soccer plant all those musicians if you know anything about yeah all these british guys so i don't know this i just picked it up later so it's not that i don't like soccer it's that i wasn't in that culture right you know when i was a kid some kids had a skateboard that's it there wasn't a skateboarding

culture when i was growing up right you didn't have to wear a hat be bobbed up and have a short time with knee pads and a tattoo right all you needed when i was growing up was a skateboard in the motherfucking hill and that was it and that was it now there's a uh a culture yeah everything's like a lifestyle everything's a lifestyle so that was the difference so i don't want when i make stupid soccer comments it's not because i'm saying it's stupid i don't really know soccer i wasn't that lifestyle wasn't if we had tennis right that's as far out as north bergen highway we had fucking tennis right that was it what are you fucking nuts or what lee lee look at you stone to the gazilda heights on a monday morning who's better than you if you're not fucking high by 10 o'clock

go fuck yourself it's monday july 14th what are you gonna do you're gonna listen to him well until i got a piss in the cup fuck you it's communism get the fuck up cocksucker what's up what's up here lee look at your second shit oh my god i love all weekend what are you gonna go home do now you're gonna go nap cocksucker oh you gotta get back to those loads you shot how many loads more than you're out of fucking jew loads no i'm gonna probably go to sleep for a little bit but then go work out oh that's great yeah what's going on tell you that's about it man nothing rick and i are doing his later this week uh and yeah that's about it i'm just waiting i'm super high right now you didn't go to any movies this weekend you should be on top you're

supposed to what kind of foods you eat this weekend what kind of diet foods you eat well we actually did pretty good talk we um no desserts no we had we had a dessert last night on the anniversary um and i had the one cheat okay i got two cheats one i had to get i got a swirl at the beach small swirl but i'm almost embarrassed to admit this but we had a little bit of a weekend off have you had have you guys tried a krona yet yes it's a croissant donut and it's i had i had one but it was the most delicious thing ever it was i mean it's just it's just like glazed donut flavor but uh we did we did pretty good we i mean we had one slice of pizza we but we went to the gym every day we went you can have a slice of pizza with a salad yeah i don't know pizza's not bad

yeah it's 13 pizzas fuck yeah with wings and and dressing from fucking pizza pizza yeah portion control that'll kill you yeah that's but wait watch this pizza's great pizza's like eight for cheese pizza like not even a margarine there's nothing there i know it's not gluten you know whatever the fuck it is but a slice of pizza with a fucking salad isn't bad but i talked to you yeah on uh at the gym on friday i think and it just it's we forced ourselves to go so at least we did that and it's uh you can you can maintain at least if you go to the gym but then yeah we went went to Thai food which was pretty good um the last night there's a like a i don't think it's a french place it's just like a place in downtown LA called perch we got some steak it was delicious

we're gonna come in uh because when there was a place i used to go to the east coast where the steak came with a not a pastry on it i got a french place okay it was like a light pastry with cheese inside like a light sauce like a grainy cheese whatever the fuck that word is i don't know about words but it was fucking pretty good little steak little steak with no fat on it wrapped by a little pastry that's the way i'm gonna try i'm not a big honest i don't know but i know that i've had that before you know yeah it's funny how when i first met steve samon steve was hanging out with dice doing sets with dice and we went to vegas with jim norton and a lot of people noticed and steve and andrew were trying to really get me to go to the gym yeah and i couldn't understand why

i couldn't understand why and guys i had grown up in a gym i had always loved the gym i always i understood the gym i understood what the gym was for yeah you know and then i when high school i started getting success at the gym i started building mass uh some people could go to a gym for six weeks and get a vein on their arm and a bicep and people come up and go bro you lifting you know and some people it's in your dna it's in your genes this is the way your body adjusts you know so i knew from early on playing basketball from doing you know uh five sets of 12 curls that my body reacted to it so i did well with it you know and then i lifted in high school i got a little big and then when i went to colorado the guys i live with every night those guys didn't

believe in the tv like it was just amazing like they got home from work a dinner sat around smoked joints no these guys built the squat rack in the house they had everything made from wood and metal black machine squat racks they didn't believe in gyms or nothing and downstairs they had a bag of fucking weed and they rolled joints and they would go downstairs but on black Sabbath and just lift weights and they do all the strength exercises and benching and and and cleans and all that shit yeah so you couldn't sit upstairs where they didn't have they didn't have a tv they had a stereo with milk cartons to sit on and curls of all different weights wow so when you sat down you didn't really sit down while you were having a conversation you're working

you're still working out that's the people i love so i live with them for a while then when i live with jimmy me and jimmy moved out jimmy and me put a punching bag on the balcony so there was no excuses of going to the gym you know in but like 30 minutes before you watch tv you went out there you put your mitts on you stress and you hit the bag and you do push-ups so i had been brought up in that mentality yeah and even when i went to jersey all those guys do blowing shit but they're at the fucking gym yeah and they go to the gym yeah i'm gonna do arms yeah they do arms four days a week they go to the gym they do three sets of curls two sets of sit-ups then they make a phone call we got to go i got things to do but they go do arms you know the point of the story is that

even at an early age i knew that when i was a thief and i was making plats like you know you gotta think how we're gonna make money this weekend i don't know give me an hour that hour was me with depth uh pearl jam i don't know that pearl jam depth lepidon yeah in a gym with a lot of those cement weights with the rubber around oh yeah remember those weights that you filled up with cement so they were rubber oh yeah and cement was in them and they told you it was dirty pounds it could be anything i didn't know it could be anything and i remember just doing like uh bench presses bent over one arm pulls upright rows all the strength exercise curls reverse curls pull ups off the bench and i would do that four days a week but that hour and a half was spent and plotting yes you know

which i was plotting my next move plotting how i was gonna break into this house plotting who i was gonna use what weapons what vehicles i need what tools i would need who i would need same thing applied so all those years i stopped doing all that shit and it was you and Andrew who slowly and Chrissy oh yeah she was a sweetheart Chrissy was she worked at the gay golds yep on gower yep the real flaming where a lot of flaming men hang out really and dice would go there yeah she wouldn't make dice go there so she's the first person that pulled me inside she goes i'm moving to new york but i had to do something i got you a year's pass so you have a year of no excuses wow i felt so touched i remember saying joe you gotta run you gotta walk you gotta do all these things and for a couple minutes i was

kind of mad at that yeah i was like look at this bitch telling me what to do yeah but then before i choked up i realized where she was coming from nothing but love and how much she cared and at first i would go in there and and do it and then i remembered again what it was for i remembered what the gym was for it wasn't to lose weight it wasn't to get healthy it was for my naga but instead now i'm planning to rob somebody and planning on stealing from somebody and planning on how i was going to do drugs on friday i was writing a joke i was making my plan well if i book a movie and i put out a special it's a one-two punch so i was planning my life you know i'm saying that's why i said to you you have no idea the benefits exercise it's not

just to help you lose weight it's to give you an hour that hour is so i can't pay you for that hour yeah the best idea people can't pay you for that hour i'm telling you right now when you were editing think about if you just edit and you had that night job yeah your thought process is when you're driving home on the 405 along with i hope this motherfuckers not closed right i hope that my exit i hope there's no fucking traffic i hope i don't i hope there's soda at the house i hope that you know i'm saying i hope there's a parking spot yeah a million different things i'm not talking about getting your car and going i left the phone in the car i'm not even fucking like i worry now when i go to the wine out it's so hot you're

getting your car and you leave your phone and your phone's too hot this over here you know it overheats and shit and i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck that hour in there belongs to me if you go in there and you really bang it out for an hour and 15 minutes no talking you're like god that comes up to you how are you all right oh my god i went in for this i did listen i don't know nothing that's why i always got earphones on i don't know nothing at the gym yeah don't even think about it if you come up to me you go hey how was the movie black people and so you know that i don't even know i'm just gonna throw a reaction at you that's gonna be so far out there you're just gonna keep fucking walking there's a guy at the old at the old wire the wide and sunset hollywood

that's an old guy he's 94 this guy can't wait to tell you he's 94 on what he eats for breakfast and how his wife died four years ago god bless his soul and next thing you know you're 30 minutes into this ear beating yeah he's been there since six trying to do one set of lat machine but he's just ruining people's workouts this is his social calendar yeah he's a sweetheart of a guy i'm not saying nothing bad about this guy i don't even know his name is i'm not making up a a character there's really a guy at the hollywood wide that's gotta be 94 95 and in the middle of your work and he'll come up to you take your shirt off and flex for you and everything with his little wings and shit the fat hanging off his bicep guy looks amazing if i look like him at 95 god bless but once

he tells you the story one time like the first time you're human but every time you're about to put your glove on right when you put the one thing on the one ear and you're about to put the other one on he would start another 15 minute story i've been here since 1954 did i tell you about that i built the extension here with my heart so i don't just go go and next you know you're 35 minutes in you didn't do your workout you didn't do your fucking workout you know now you're behind the eight ball so either you stay and do your workout or you're taking it beating from your wife or girlfriend because dinner was going to be made at seven now it's seven fucking 45 it's amazing that's why when i go to i don't know nothing i i don't know nothing excuse me do you know the

yoga classes and your mother's ass call i don't know nothing don't even ask me this ain't no social activity this is work you want to talk fucking get on a chat room because yeah right the fuck lisa yet you ready for another arm nothing you're ready for another arm look at you you're going even that highly i'm pretty high this is nothing these are 10 milligrams that's not true look at read the box these are the baby ones these are the baby ones they give me the red one maybe the red one was there no no the green one the red one is weaker i'll give you a little piece of the green one just to get the party started so we're at the south point can't wait you know it's funny because i'm not a big vegas guy the last seven years i've probably done vegas rogan just because

it makes my life easier i don't really want to stay in vegas for four fucking days i don't know get stabbed with a fucking sword it's just an earthquake again you know i used to do all those rooms in vegas all of them that that that what's the one makes caliber that's what cancer rising star was i did the riviera that's a fucking nightmare that's a fucking nightmare drug the riviera did that once when you walk in there it's nineteen sixty nine seventy it even smells like 1970 when you walk in the rooms you could still smell like a ratty like old cologne and shit it's fucking crazy it really is fucking crazy and then you get on stay like they used to have a midnight dirty show and you could tell these people don't know anything about what dirty comedy is

y'all can hear no dirty is their life you can see them sitting there like with the oxygen suck and you're telling them jokes and they're thinking about how they're gonna pay their mortgage and how they're gonna get another thousand to come back to vegas and win back the 20 000 they lost you could tell as you're telling them jokes if you've ever been there if your if your face has ever been there you could tell where the fuck they've been just by when you're telling them jokes you're like they're numb they're fucking numb so i'm happy south point casino is not on the strip and what they do is they've made it very hip they do a dirty show on friday night and all the comics from all the clubs so any comedian that's at any club will be there at 12 30 because

they serve like dollar drinks or something like that steves and i shows at 7 30 okay friday night it's early we're out there by nine that's great there's a movie theater at the hotel we go to the movies i would love that i heard they got a great fucking buffet somebody told me they got a seafood buffet oh i'm in for that something so listen man uh like i said i'm not a big vegas guy i know we can't get high in vegas right uh yeah they're pretty good they don't like that they don't like that but we'll fucking eat edibles how's that i'll eat the buffet if you're not doing sure let's get fucked up let's go to vegas and walking around who you kid you go to strip clubs and you go to vegas leave some room you stay in your room yeah i don't go to strip i do nothing

in vegas i crank up the air conditioning i watch cable and i eat i went to a strip club one time when i used to be with the gambling guys and i would come in for two days and i always go to a strip club and i told you i would go to the strip club with these guys and every time a chick bent over at fart that's how mature i was every time a chick would bend over i'd make like a north thing and make like a fucked up noise and the chick would come over to me and ask me how old i was and i'd get the fuck out of it that's how immature i was this had to be 20 years ago 92 93 sister every time she bent over there was a good song on i'd do it well and she would look at me like you're fucking an idiot you know that

when you bend over if you make that noise they go fucking bananas i don't give a fucking leave what are you talking about it's monday it's july 14 how you gonna fucking lay judgment on me bitch be a fucking american there's mexican kids in a bus on a border town right now waiting to sneak in this motherfucker just waiting to sling some dick can you imagine them entirely on those buses they're coming to the united states you're like i'm 14 years though i can't wait to get a white chick i'm gonna fuck her in the eyeball and make my mother proud and she said i'm gonna sneak over this border i'm gonna start and pregnant white bitches that's all those little mexican cocksuckers from Honduras that's all they're thinking about those little

cocksuckers on the bus those mexican cocksuckers from Honduras whatever the fuck they are they're on that bus they know about how they're gonna come in here and get some fat white chick with blonde hair and big feet with fucked up nail polish on their toes you know when they're having nail polish their toes are weak so it falls off but the come on the toes holds on to that last lack of fucking sun wait for those mexican kids on that bus rubbing their hands right now going we can't wait to get up there and get some fucking dumb white chicks and pregnant it's all over there'll be brown kids running all over the fucking streets of marietta marietta whatever the fuck they're going oh this is a crisis well at least that's what they call it obama's looking for billions from

capitol hill they don't want to give the money for mexican kids it's over cocksuckers get your kids you better hug them because these mexican kids they ain't fucking around these spanish kids if you think your kids were getting bit slapped before and bullied and called little faggots give them two years because these mexican kids are hungry they don't know nothing about oatmeal these kids don't know nothing till six o'clock they don't know nothing about oatmeal they don't know nothing about oatmeal they get up to oatmeal and love and love you we love you and here's a fucking nature bar for fucking lunchtime and here's a here's a cell phone these motherfuckers are still communicating with a knife you understand they're just shoveling your fucking heart and

it's a conduit that's all they're doing the fuck do they know they walk through a desert don't they half of them are walking through a fucking desert and you mean why your kids got water and a fucking knapsack i'm going to my friends to play video games wait till these kids take these video games and shove them up your kids fucking asses these little faggots that we're creating is a wake-up call for america your kids are getting bullied net wait till they start getting bit slapped now because what they're gonna do is they're gonna take these kids some church or what's happening now is i'm gonna pick these little fuckers up after six months they're gonna unleash them out society you take a fucking kid you wait they're gonna do it that's the same thing they do with

the cubans cubans came in 79 mario letos those motherfuckers those motherfuckers were crazy they gave all the jails the united states like we'll take them really the catholic youth ministrations we'll take them but those like really wait do you see what i wait do you got a load of me wait do you got a load of what i'm fucking sending you i'm sending you fucking drips and drabs people wouldn't even think twice about taking your fucking life i've had them in itself eight years with no clothes on they got a shit in the middle of a fucking floor and you got to make it to the hole you got to make it to the hole every fucking day and shit in the middle you think they worried about fucking stabbing the neck and some fucking mall in america because they got a black

security guard that's fat and it's got like a bicycle to chase you with those cuban kids will eat those security guards for fucking lunch and that was 1979 what do you see with these new little mexican fucking specs have coming up what do you see with these little fucking savages because that's what they are the little apocalyptos that nobody knows about this is apocalypto you don't know gibson apocalypto remember they were stabbing each other you never saw i never saw that it's mexicans 3d that's what apocalypto was was it not mexicans 3d it was mexicans shrunken down to three foot eight and they don't give a fuck they don't give a fuck it's just a national apocalyptos it's like uh i don't know what i'm talking about i'm fucking so high right now it

doesn't even matter anyway my point being that these kids aren't quiet boys these kids didn't just sit there there's more to this fucking story and some americans are pissed off me bro let them in what are you gonna do we're gonna let them in anyway you're gonna jump up and down you got more bigger fucking problems who's gonna pay your credit card bills this year right or wrong you're worried about some kids that are bored of jumping up and down who the fuck is gonna pay for your kids braces who's gonna pay for the vacation you know you're six months away from sitting across on the table with your family eating fucking a turkey telling lies right you're six months away from fuck it's already fucking july bitch in six months you'll be giving fucking paul a christmas

present telling her and the mother how you love them how they change your life with mexican food this fucking guy anyway uh these kids ain't fucking around they're at some border right now thinking how they're gonna come up here and they're gonna get a job and america is beautiful they're thinking about how they're gonna fuck some shit up half of them i'm 13 motherfuckers they're not fucking around guys so i hope that you know what we're getting involved in here know the animal you're dealing with priests when you're gonna have 13 kids living at your house leave no because her cousins are coming those are paul's cousins that are coming you know that right her cousin's gonna show up any day and call you primo and next you know he'll be driving your car

wearing your fucking green little sweater living on your couch next you know you'll be sleeping on your floor and he'll be fucking bitches on your bed how you gonna act then and he'll be 16 what are you gonna do then 16 slinging more dick than you at 20 fucking seven get together lee that's what i'm saying eat this fucking edible that's it we're going deep let's eat some more fucking let's what else lee what else is going on in your world cuckuck over there uh i'm gonna go see fluffy's movie premiere tomorrow night come on yeah i think it's like seven o'clock or something down on long beach it's an old beach yeah at his house he's doing it at like his local movie theater i think really yeah i can't wait good for fluffy and the movie gets released next friday yeah the 25th

you know man it couldn't happen to a nicer guy he's the best and normally tell you something else this isn't a guy that has been sitting on his fucking laurels he is promoting this shit out of this movie this guy's just flying into cities popping up with a bag of m&ms and a big dick he don't give a fuck and a bag of tacos he's got little mexican blind kids chasing touch me touch me right or wrong you think i'm fuck with generally when you know fluffy seriously and uh in the world the comedians man there's nobody i think deserves it more there's nobody who's helped more comedians i think there's nobody who's paid more people's rent that's true than fluffy and uh i wish him the best i mean listen guys i always know you know i talked to him through martin get martin's

awesome and the regular person would get mad i don't get mad because no matter what i asked martin about fluffy he always gets back to me i did not ask fluffy to be on my podcast i swear to my mother's grave at all me and martin talk once a week about this of that and one day he called out of the blue and he goes hey man what are you guys doing this week fluffy would love to do your podcast and my heart hit my fucking knees because i know that he was doing you know i heard he fucking killed on jimmy found me on that really that's what i heard too yeah he was on chelsea i mean he's been on every media circuit trying to promote this movie yeah and we also had the pleasure of having him in here he didn't judge us he didn't so if you listen to this podcast i want

you to do me a personal favor you know i asked you guys for a lot of things please go see this movie please go see this movie for the struggle because if you support this guy whatever they charge you twelve dollars that that's an investment in you for your fucking struggle i'm telling you this is how the struggle starts you might only have twenty dollars on friday and it's gonna last you the weekend invest that twelve dollars in fluffy this show is here because of fluffy yeah because fluffy gave me a bloggy and i did not want to make this bloggy go to waste people kept giving me cameras and i kept throwing them in drawers and fluffy's energy just give me that bloggy i said i have to do something with it and two days later fucko called me on facebook and next you know we had a

family and it's amazing and that's what i'm talking about energy if you want to be a comedian a writer a painter if you want to become a fag artist and go to Starbucks and lie to people whatever your journey wants to be start with this movie because this guy paid his dues like i said i remember being on a southwest flight with him asleep on debbie gutierrez tits me on one tit and him on the other after a long night of fucking drinking and this is seventeen years ago wow he was basically a kid he was basically a fucking kid he adjusted he became a man in front of our eyes so i'm very proud of fluffy i'm very proud of what he's done i'm proud of this movie for me too i can't wait you going cocksucker fuck yeah you taking paul yeah and then uh he's gonna be in LA like

around christmas time so i'm gonna i'm gonna go to that we're gonna get your tickets because that's how you roll oh i love you leigh look at you and make that happen yeah i'm trying you got some sun yeah so what you go how many pounds you're gonna lose i like to lose a hundred but it was funny when you're talking about uh being like being a headliner but not being a headliner our buddy augustino did a funny joke last time i saw him about how when you lose a little bit of weight you feel like you lost like all of it so i got lost 15 i'm like oh why aren't people saying something like oh because i got fucking 80 more ago but it's uh it's been it's been going good so far the shape yeah i'm gonna do with this fucking hobo he's the past i'm gonna do with

this fucking guy like i'm he's in love he's been with her for a year yeah he's getting you know you never got a constant little monkey for a year straight before did you no it's the first time in your 26 fucking year extension you've been getting that little monkey a year straight you were fucking around here and that yeah actually still calling me would you tell that dirty bitch take your magic elsewhere with that little dirty take your magic else now take that fucking dirty pussy and go take it elsewhere when you had your chance to give it to me you play games now you want to text me fuck you is that what you're telling yeah pretty much as she started boyfriend yeah and she won't know you know you gotta just go next time she texts you just bluntly say come down and suck my

dick and take your chance see what happens it's not like you're saying it to it you're texting it to it's no you're texting it to her so she'll never really know she'll call you back days later and go leave yeah that called you and i got a text from you to suck my dick what was that about you know what are you talking about oh joey got my phone oh fucking joey that fucking dummy but if not you should just see what happens see what she'll go i've been waiting all my life to suck that little fucking jewel helmet i want to get some fucking amazing if that wasn't an answer he might not text it i say come down and suck my dick for breakfast for breakfast jesus is serving nuts go ahead leave what the fuck what no just go for a call leave just for us text only just text

come down and suck my dick jesus is serving hot syrup and pancakes go ahead fuck it what the fuck here anyway here's what we're doing right now it's monday july 14 leaves all fucked up again he doesn't want to text this girl by mistake it's a mistake that's what you guys put just right now why the blue it's eight o'clock in the morning she's expecting a text that says it's a beautiful day to be alive jesus loves you you hit her right between the eyes would come over and suck my dick and watch what she'll say let's just go ahead that sounds like a terrible idea no it's a great idea because she's either gonna text you back and go fuck you or what are you talking about and even then you're gonna make believe you don't know you're gonna make believe you're not gonna hit

it right back because you're gonna make you you were sleeping what are you talking about why did I get this text message from you because you text message me to come over and suck your dick and make it more dirty come over suck my dick lick my ass hose squeeze lemon juice in my asshole you know what the fuck don't you have lemon juice in your asshole no tremendous little paper cut in some limits the worst it's monday morning what are you going for that stuff i don't come up with a long way these are things i've done over the fucking years you know you gotta do this type of paper cut them sweet lemon sure why not what do you want to do you want to show them what just finger bang them to death and love them what the fuck you want to go a little crazy from time to time

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their fucking mission is guaranteed that your dick will get hard struggle small go with shroom tech whether you're a runner a walker you go to ballet you suck dick marathons whatever the fuck you do you want energy you want more endurance those fucking mushrooms are giving to you try shrooms tech sport try small take two fucking an hour before you work out and get back to me i'm not saying you're gonna be jumping up and down come on kicks and flying through a fucking wall i'm just saying when you walk out you're gonna go wow i did that for eight more minutes tonight wow i did that for 10 more minutes tonight and in my book that's what fucking matters because by pushing you get more from for your bang go to audit dot com go to joey dears dot net look at the tour schedule

look at patches look at the t-shirts forget all that shit go to the audit box on my page and press church church ch u r ch get 10% off plus you're on the list plus they got stay on that program which you don't have to fucking reorder every month you just give me a credit card and bang on the first they like the government with the welfare check you got your check like a Puerto fucking tuesday you're all alpha brained out snow alpha brains hanging out with your friends number two huluplus.com you can watch current shows scandal the daily show modern family all your fucking favorites and i'm talking about episodes that are fucking mad if you got a streaming device boom you can watch this a phone a row cool a tv a fucking ipad whatever the fuck

you got that streaming huluplus.com or make it come through for you understand me i'm a little stoned this morning i'm sorry i'm i'm slow with the fucking study this morning and we ain't helping me out whether you got an apple tv a next block a playstation huluplus works on fucking everything go to huluplus.com see what shows they have available i would love to sit here and tell you i watch huluplus all the time but i don't you know who does my wife she gets the most out of fucking money seven ninety nine a month what seven ninety nine a month what seven ninety nine a month plus i give you two weeks for free cocksucker on the arm that's how we roll here on the church and what's happening now two weeks gratis who gives you that who tells you come eat donuts for two weeks and

then we'll give you a fucking a donut every day nobody that's how much we know you're gonna fall in love with hulu fucking plus go to huluplus.com right now or go to the box on my web page and press joey joey joey y and get your fucking two weeks off for free boom two weeks free boom two weeks you can sit there smoke a bazooka get a feather tickle your asshole and binge watch as many episodes as you want and after that if you don't like huluplus get back to me i guarantee you're gonna have a good time also again this is the one i'm sick of dollar shave club why are we having this conversation why are we having this conversation you want to look sharp you want to get your dick sucked your hair's gotta be nice your shave tucked you see these fucking morons they got go

teased their eyebrows they got wax on the head you don't need that shit you know what you need dollar shave club it shaves your nutsack your asshole your face they got the fucking handy wipes what are you calling the one wipe charlie's one wipe charlie's that smell like peppermint you know it's hot out it's humid you don't want to take a shower but you want your balls to smell fresh right before you go to the bar you're taking one wipe charlie out and you wipe each nut you know you're in there you know that makes you feel like confidence how you gotta talk to a woman if your balls smell like ass how you gonna talk to a woman if she can't gruggle on your fucking helmet why would you talk to a woman and waste your fucking time your dick smells you gotta go

home go to the bathroom make believe you gotta feed the cat fuck all that shit dollar shave club dot com that's the way to go from razors listen they send you four cartridges a month two blades a single blades if you do nine dollars a month they send you the yellow strip if you do six dollars a month they send you two blades if you do one dollar a month they send you a single blade it's still a high quality fucking razor plus you get the one wipe charlie's let me get some water here i'm dying a fucking you see i'm dying i'm gonna drown here next you know i'm gonna see fucking flies i think we're out of here listen we're out of water yeah we what the fuck lee you're slipping cups i got i got some more water today besides you've been eating ass all weekend next you know i'm

spitting seeds anyway dollarshaveclub.com for all your fucking shaving needs if you want to look good smell good and just be good also my favorite motherfucker is jeremy at escapepodtank.com listen go look at the jester tank model you get $150 off if you mention us you get $250 off but the beauty about fucking escape pod tank deprivation tax is financing is available you know how good that is you know how good that is you can pay ten twenty thirty dollars a month and you can float you can smoke weed you can throw a chick down there lock her in there and just keep it until you decide what you want to do with the motherfucker sometimes you're gonna stab him sometimes you gotta let him bleed out whatever the fuck you want to do escapepodtank.com right now tremendous numbers

go to escapepodtank.com look at their tanks whether you want it for industrial residential see what's cracking maybe you want to have one in your garage call jeremy in the 800 number it'll simplify for you simple rates you get 250 yards just been mentioned in the church all right who's better than us that's how you do a fucking advertising right there because i want you people to fucking connect what is it like we ready for the next batch of goomy bears are you done for the day oh gosh you ready what do you want i hope i'm done for the night you want the arm you want the head what do you want no i'm good no you gotta eat something before we we will sit here until six o'clock tonight until we eat something today we're going deep Steve Simone's here are you not gonna

go deeper i'm i'm gonna do what you got nothing going on the rest of the day look at the shape not now not now that's right not now so and not never you have nothing going on till tuesday at ten in the morning what do you want to eat you want the leg you want the arm you want the wing surprise me no i'm not gonna do that to you i love you too much it's me i want you to fucking stick to the exercise program so what else is next with my man steve simoni no baloney on one day one i'm trying to get you guys pumped up to that i don't want no fucking drama you understand me either you're gonna be a headliner in life you're gonna be a fucking punk what do you want to do i'm gonna headline that's right what do you want to do cut sucker you want to be headliners you're gonna put

your time in you're gonna cut your toenails you gotta wash your nuts you gotta look sharp your shoes gotta be fucking shined you gotta have a sense of humor you gotta go up there ha ha ha i don't want you to be a fag and be somebody you're not i want you to be you it's monday july 14 you know what i'm saying steve great day to be alive sorry to interrupt you brother what's going on best no we got the cd coming out we're going to vegas with you i'm finally going to toronto i've got new episodes of good times coming out everything's coming together i'm almost done now good times how many fucking times do you release uh one uh every sunday night so once a week that's good they got a sunday night monday morning they wake up boom yep there it is

there you are and shit like that you're a good dude man i know you're a long fucking time it's amazing that a lot of people that are coming in here from hen brenner it's even lee you know you've been with uh the girl now for a year i'm watching a girl up in front of me it's amazing to think that you're stuck and then you see the people around you whether it's gabriel you know i've been out here for 17 18 years so i've watched these guys come out here you know bushy eyed and scared the same way i felt you know and he'll tell you that i i don't know uh well you ever scared steve yeah you've been scared a lot since you've been here out here yeah i've scared in the sense where i thought i was wasting my my life you know like oh what am i doing and what do you do

to justify that feeling uh well for me everything comes back to my faith that's it and then i would just see if this was god's will and if it is then he's gonna get me through it and if not something better is out there so i would just you know try to connect with god and see if this is what he wants you go to church yesterday yeah how many times i want to confession on saturday and mass on sunday morning do you tell him you hung out with this fucking christ i pray for everybody you pray for you pray for lee you say he's jewish god because he's from the other side god but cut him some he ain't from the other side fuck those talibans he's a good he's jewish fuck those talibans the jews are right you know i'm saying he's all right he's got a couple dollars we're heading under his mattress

that's it we're gonna get the fuck out of here i'm happy you showed up this morning i'm happy he asked now you're gonna go work a little bit yep and then i'm going into vegas on thursday you'll be on friday yep i'm gonna do mma junkie on friday oh cool tv on friday oh that's great yeah you know how we do it though you gotta keep fucking moving yep that's what these people at home and people who listen to the podcast that's the big secret right there nobody fucking tells you about you gotta keep moving you gotta keep believing yep on every fucking level who gives a fuck you know man uh i was telling lee and raffi last week that raffi may raffi may was here thursday night and i was telling lee the one day you know i was torturing lee about how much he you know that lee doesn't do much at

25 you know and uh i left here and i was like lee has it more together at 25 than i even not right now look at my now yeah that's what i'm gonna say right now let me stick a plunger up his ass right now but i'm talking about as a human being i mean you know how many times at 40 i would already have called lee to cancel this podcast because i was coked up on the night before you know many times i would leave what had already been in here 10 times and i wouldn't have showed up or called you by 6 30 you would have known i wasn't showing up at the age of 40 at 25 you couldn't depend on me i get pissed that people didn't help me at the age of 25 like a lot of people didn't help me why would you want to help me i wasn't going to show up all i did was 20 bucks in my pocket

and a piece of pussy in your world did not mean anything to me and that's not a way to live you know that was no way for me to live as a human being you've never had that problem at 25 near this diagostino that's what i was saying i was a great kid too that these guys uh you're halfway there when you're 25 and i know you must sit there a lot of times like i'm doing a fucking podcast what's this gonna equate to and then i called you the other day and told you that i did a podcast somewhere else and how good of a job you were doing you have this you have to put this on paper now on a resume and tell people there's a way to do a podcast and there's a way to do a podcast if you want to do it that way be my guest i'm going to save you four years yeah i'm saving

you four fucking years yeah you're wasting your time you're wasting your time doing segments you're wasting your time editing it you're wasting your time adding music to it these people want to full patois but people won't know that until they fail like we did yeah like we found out yeah how you gonna fucking release a podcast friday night at six o'clock at night by that time your mind is dead yeah people want to hear you when they're fresh people you know there's so many levels of this we don't actually think that we're doing something with our lives but as long as we keep doing what we're doing we're getting better at what we're doing it doesn't fucking matter experience always adds up so keep that in mind i was telling lee how much more together he had it how much more

you know like just at 25 i was about to go to prison yeah i didn't have what lee had i wouldn't have gotten to prison if i had with lee had right you know i'd believe the different type of society you know so it's just uh really good to be here with you fucking young cuck suckers this is the if you're at home man and you're sitting there confused you know i answer fucking 60 emails lately and yesterday and 30 of them were about drugs and 20 of them were about confusion confusion being scared 16 year old kid yeah fucking 16 year old kid that he's going to college his mother he wants to be in a band we're all fucking confused and we all know the answer you want to be in the band tell your fucking mom you want to be in a fucking band and you'll go to college part time

until you figure out what you're going to do yeah you can do it you can't tell your mom no but you can work a fucking compromise and emails like that so i love when i get emails like that i love the emails about addiction all that stuff well we'll be back wednesday i'm doing the fight companion wednesday night with rogan so i don't even know if we're doing a church on wednesday we might just do one thursday morning before i fucking leave for vegas and that's basically a cuck suckers i love you guys i want to thank on it i want to thank huluplus.com i want to thank dollar shape club and escape pod tank for making it happen for us they got a certain a tremendous product go fucking check them out and give them a chance to see what they're about i want to thank

my main brother steve boogaloo simony one of the baddest fucking guineas out here slinging dick taking names with no drama he's not part of the funny italian's organization or the bad fucking italian tour you know the oregano comedy tour he's slinging dick on his own tour and that's why i love this motherfucker and to my main man lisa at with his fucking green shirt today look on stone to the fucking gazils but most of you guys for giving us a chance and on today's podcast a little fucked up today it's fucking monday cocksucker we're here the mexicans are out there you hear this guy right now he's on the phone with a fucking little mexican dude in honduras and they're getting 20 more fucking these lawnblowers and these motherfuckers and one month you're gonna hear

lawnblowers as a symphony you understand give me some music cocksucker let's end this podcast i love you guys stay black have a great day thank you now the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast any extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the hulu plus banner don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com get a high quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner go to honor.com use code word church to get 10% off and go to

skatepottank.net and get 250 off of sensory deprivation tanks when you mention joeyds love is to be a soldier someone wishing competition got me blitz on that bullshit they stressin i'ma run those clown hoes like it's mandatory no class don't glory my nigga bitch got the game distorted now it's on and it's on because i said so keep trust the bitch in the vineyard so i got a damn bro now this money hunky bitches getting suspicious started blockin the planning on scheme to come and trick us but the niggas be on point and game tight these psycho bogus wrapped up the same night got rocks then had to leave my fuck to see me these niggas are jealous too deep and they

aren't they gonna beat me and now you got me right beside ya hoping you listen i catch you paying attention to my ambitions as a product i was trained by the true and the broken my ambitions as a product was supposed to be but the counting of the night gave the keys to the product it was my only wish to rise above these jealous coward motherfuckers i was spiced when it's time to fight i was the first i could decide to give me an audience i'm ready to die right here tonight and motherfuckers like that's what they screamin and say jail me but i'm off the kill so open fire that's all you need to kill we witness myself spittin it at the series envy isn't that for me i'll ride the doll before they catch me watch me bleed mama come rescue me i'm suicidal if you

don't i'm in the sense that every bullet's flying when i'm choked i'll do my jail time better day sacrifice don't get a chance to do me like to get my nigga tied see come get the life and if you write a nigga die for and the motherfuckers try at least you try for it when it's time to gotta be a man to pick the way you need fuck me and the police my ambitions as a product i was trained by my ambitions as a product was supposed to be but the counting of the night gave the keys to my motorist lyrics he focused the lyrics to the thug's performance pay off the blocky vape because i know they coming for me i've been hesitant to be a beer but away for years never got my other side to reduce the tear but in my methods with the speed to show us a bit you blink niggas the vilify my

mama screwed up the beat blasted me but they didn't finish didn't de-mix my parts are never back to be a motherfuckin nigga the cops is why the cops set me up ambitious niggas are my team so indeed they wet me up but i'm back we ain't calling they calling they calling they calling and call so ready at the time to call the breakaway gone make a lesson with limits to sledge the devil musical mercenary for money try at least motherfuckers brownie shitting much leather jail niggas telling me to kill it i know when i get out they gon' fill it with it's the realest of who fired her when i put the shit inside the drive from all your people when they find ya what's your mind my history be a poof up in it revenge on the niggas to play me and all the cameras that was down with me now

it's your niggas right beside us open your niggas to catch your pain and pitch it to my ambitions as a potter tonight i'm a straight fighter you don't wanna fuck with me my ambitions as a potter as a potter i can't do nothing to you jesus i won't deny it i'm a straight fighter you don't wanna fuck with me got the police watching me i won't deny it i'm a straight fighter you don't wanna fuck with me