Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #196 | BRYAN CALLEN | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

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Starting point is 00:06:37 DraftKings Sportsbook DraftKings Sportsbook DraftKings Sportsbook DraftKings Sportsbook DraftKings Sportsbook DraftKings Sportsbook read going clear about Scientology that Lawrence Wright wrote,

Starting point is 00:06:53 the class features heavily. I did benefits at the Scientology Center for 9-11. I didn't know, I didn't give a fuck. I didn't know anything about Scientology. I don't give a fuck. I'm not gonna get brought into it. And a lot of the Scientologists I knew were cool people. I mean, I did Kirstie Alley's show

Starting point is 00:07:10 and she was a Scientologist. We shot there because she was a big Scientologist. But, you know, that was why it got mentioned in that book because Milton Cunsellus was out. He was clear. He'd reached clarity. What a fucking brilliant thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:25 But then he left. And when he left, it became this whole fucking thing. It's crazy how they had all those little acting things going on when we got to L.A. And they're still there, but since we're not into it, we don't know what's going on. You know why?

Starting point is 00:07:41 Because you get to a certain age and maybe it's for a New York thing. Like, if you're gonna come at me with a whole new philosophy, bro, I'm like, hey, listen, teach me how to act, the fuck out of here with all the rest of it. Now, where did you actually learn how to act in New York City?

Starting point is 00:07:55 Yeah, I mean, you know, I started out, I took some classes in college and I said to myself, fuck, this is, I couldn't see a linear progression, right? If you wanna be a great Olympic athlete, you wanna be a professional football player, there are tiers, there are stop gaps. You either make it in D1 or you don't. You either distinguish yourself in D1,

Starting point is 00:08:19 you get drafted in the sixth round or the first round, you know, then you, whatever it is, you gotta make that team. So you had these stop gaps. Acting, you can just be like, I'm talented because my mother told me I was. And then you're 44 years old, you wake up, you got no resume.

Starting point is 00:08:37 How many people do we know like that? So I kinda saw that and I was like, I don't wanna be that guy, so I stopped. And I decided I was gonna be a banker. Yeah, and then I realized, then I go, oh, I'm gonna put a gun on my mouth. This is a fucking, I can't do this shit. I'm wearing a tie and silk socks was taking the fucking,

Starting point is 00:08:54 the path from Hoboken, New Jersey into, to work at the accounts receivable, payable division, no windows at Lehman Brothers. Get the fuck outta here, okay? And I woke up from a nap and I go, I gotta be an actor. So I went to the neighborhood play house in New York City on 54th Street. And that was the first time I went.

Starting point is 00:09:15 This might be the only thing I made for. Then I found comedy, stand up. But you know what I mean? I was like, I think that I'm not good at anything and I might be good at being somewhat emotional and real because I could feel it. I was, my childhood had been so chaotic that I was able to kind of, it helped me.

Starting point is 00:09:36 And I was also a daydreamer. I was also fucking, I've always wanted to be anybody but me. Yeah, me too. Right? You know what I'm saying? So I was like, I don't like who I am. So I was always fantasizing about being tall or strong or faster, fucking Scottish, English,

Starting point is 00:09:50 whatever the fuck it was. And then all of a sudden I saw you can make a living that way. And so then I went to, but then, then you come out of theater school and now you gotta compete. And I'm like, I don't know. I looked in the mirror and I went,

Starting point is 00:10:04 there's nothing about me physically. They're not gonna be like that. Oh, these white, medium. You know, like I might joke as I could pick your pocket in a fucking, in a parade. And who are you gonna, what are you gonna tell the cops? He was brown hair, white, medium. I blend in, bro.

Starting point is 00:10:19 I look like, I look like every other guy. Medium. So that's why I got to understand him. But Patty Jenkins, who is the writer-director of Monster Wonder Woman, she's supposed to do, I think she's doing Star Wars, big director. But I used to date her back in the day, 20 years ago. And she said, she looked at me and she goes,

Starting point is 00:10:34 hey, you, hey, stop trying to be De Niro and walk in. You're not a brooding, deep actor. You're a jackass. You make all of us laugh. Stand up comedy. She's the reason. She took me to see, she goes, we're going to watch some comedy.

Starting point is 00:10:51 It happened, I'm at the New York Comedy Club. Who's up on stage? I don't know. Greg Geraldo, Louis CK, David Tell, Monsters. And I've never done it and I'm doing this all the time. I'm biting my nails. I'm so overwhelmed with how, I'm so overwhelmed with how funny they are.

Starting point is 00:11:07 And I'm like, I can never, it's like, I'll never do this. Now, before you go any further. Yeah. How do you feel about not being a deep actor? I could give a fuck like me. Listen to me, this is the truth. And I had to, I came to terms with this. I'm 55 years old.

Starting point is 00:11:24 I came to turn this about a year ago, two years ago. I've never been on set. I've never been on set where I didn't want it to be over. It's like eating a salad. Like I ate a salad because in the back of my mind, I think, well, I'll eat this fucking salad. That's bullshit. But maybe I won't die of cancer early, right?

Starting point is 00:11:44 I'm not going to restaurants because they got good salads. I'm an American, you understand? I'm going to fucking restaurants because they got steak, chocolate and cheese. I want all the things that are bad for me and I want wine. I'm not going there because I've never gone. They have really good vegetables. The side vegetables and the salads are amazing.

Starting point is 00:12:04 The fuck out of here. So it's the same idea. I realized that the process of acting, the non-linear progression of it and the process of it, like just waking up early, the makeup and then having to be on set, hurry up and wait. If you're doing a film, you're shooting a page a day. What?

Starting point is 00:12:23 I don't have it, Bob. I don't have it. I was on the set of Joker. I watched that maniac win an Oscar for four days. I'm like, I could never do what this guy does. He can stay in character the whole time, not talk to anybody. No, no, give me standard, bro.

Starting point is 00:12:34 I like working an hour, maybe two hours. And that's a lot for me the rest of the time. I like it all. Yeah, well, you're good. I like it all. You're very good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come on. I liked it all.

Starting point is 00:12:45 Like, right now I have to do another audition. I have to put another audition on tape. And for the first time in years, I'm excited. Oh, really? I'm excited. What's the project? Can you say? It's a DeNiro movie, but it's with the...

Starting point is 00:12:59 That's different. Barry, what's his name? I never had a chance to work with him. Barry, the director is Barry, whatever. Goldwater. No. The dude who did Rain Man and a bunch of... Levinson.

Starting point is 00:13:11 Barry Levinson. That's a bad mother fucker. So... Oh, now you're talking about a whole different level. That's what I'm talking about. Storytellers. So I'm not a fucking deep. Like when I don't have to go in another room

Starting point is 00:13:21 and breathe and you know, fuck it. No, you know what you are? You're an original. Well, it's great, but it doesn't get you far when you want to aspire as like a good actor. You know? Yeah. Listen.

Starting point is 00:13:35 You're not doing the Daniel Day Lewis shit. I've heard this before that. Mitzi. Mitzi would always talk to me and on Sunday nights and she said to me, why do you go to acting class? This is the best acting class you could get. And she goes, this is why people

Starting point is 00:13:52 don't want to work with stand up comics like Harrison Ford and all these people. And she was tight. And I agree with that from being in the original room. We'll get your timing better than anything in the world. Your timing is fucking dead on. But for some reason I always feel like when I'm on a film,

Starting point is 00:14:10 like when I shot the many saints in Newark, there was a lot of dudes in that movie who were traditional actors. They make six figures from doing acting. They bought a house from doing acting. We could have done that too. If we had more, there's like they have to push you. If we didn't fall in love with stand up, right?

Starting point is 00:14:31 And we can also do stand up. Well, I fell in love with stand up before. I was always a movie buff, but I never thought I could reach it. I was like, nobody's gonna hire me to make a fucking movie. I'm gonna be an extra, maybe. Maybe, and that's what a capital fucking, and maybe I'm being extra in the background.

Starting point is 00:14:52 That healthy dose of self loathing and feeling of total insignificance, of course. Listen, as Americans, we've been taught that they're everything. That's right. You know, I came to this country when they were everything. That's right. Charles Bronson was everything.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Well, they were royalty. They were royalty, and they were out of touch. Elvis was fucking everything. Out of touch. You know, fucking, you know, when you look at somebody like Elvis, I've been watching that movie lately, just fucking like remembering how good

Starting point is 00:15:20 I was an entertainer that man was. Like what he did was fucking, you know, you can't even, and you look at it now and you go, and he's Elvis. No, bitch. Put yourself in 1955. And his voice? Oh, look, he could be on the voice right now,

Starting point is 00:15:37 and everybody does this vocal gymnastics. That guy would fucking, he'd bring you to your knees. He'd bring you to your knees. Yes, he would. Right? Yes, he fucking would. He could sing anything in the ghetto. Any of that shit.

Starting point is 00:15:46 Give him what do you want him to sing? Pick a number, bro. That guy, he'll bring you to your knees, correct. And kill you with a ballet. An athlete, how the way he danced, an athlete. And that's deadly. He could kill you with a ballad or just fuck you up. Yes.

Starting point is 00:16:02 He had an array of hits. What do you mean, like jailhouse rock? Listen to his voice. Listen to that shit. Jesus Christ. He's like the male Adele, but better. That's my fucking song right there when he comes out. It's still astonishing.

Starting point is 00:16:17 It really is. It still holds up. You listen to that and you're like, I want, what happens when you watch that is you go, I want to, one time in my life, I want to just sing that song. I want to be that guy. I want to be, I want to have that fucking voice.

Starting point is 00:16:31 And loud. He was singing jail. He was yelling into that fucking thing. Just, I had dinner with the guy who wrote that song. Oh my God. Yeah. And quiet, quiet Jewish guy from New York or wherever, I think gay.

Starting point is 00:16:46 And he wrote, love me tender. He wrote jailhouse rock. Yeah, he's a giant. I didn't realize I was sitting next to him. And I, I mean, I couldn't have, I almost threw myself at his feet because nobody else understood. I'm like, hey, hey, hey, we got to stop everything.

Starting point is 00:17:00 Sometimes you got to stop everything and give it up, you know, fall at the man's feet because it's worth it. And, but I mean, it's like you hear jailhouse rock. It's a little bit like hearing cashmere by Zeppelin. It never gets old. What is it about some artistic expression that never gets old? You just never get tired of it.

Starting point is 00:17:23 It's, you know, it's crazy. But no, that's who I grew up around. Like I see the actors that are winning Oscars today. And I see the Oscar winners from when I was younger and I was really into film. There's not even a comparison. There's not even a fucking comparison. And Mitsu's wrong though about one thing,

Starting point is 00:17:43 which is that acting is technique. There is a great deal of technique. There are things that a good director and a good teacher who teaches you the craft of acting. It's a craft. It's making the unconventional choice. It's, you know, it's like, it's a lot scarier like a good acting teacher

Starting point is 00:18:04 like Jeffrey Tambor, my teacher, fucking bad motherfucker. The old dude? The Jeffrey Tambor, the guy with the bald head. Yeah, yeah, the old dude that was on like. He was on transparent. He was on monster. Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:18:17 He's your acting teacher. Yeah, he was my acting teacher for fucking seven years, bro. That dude, that dude could teach you some shit. Where is he? He's hiding out. He's probably, he's got another project. He does what he wants, but he's like, that's a real actor. That dude's an actor to his core.

Starting point is 00:18:33 And that guy, if you came in and said, if the lion is, I'm gonna kill you. He would say, well, that's not how you do it. You might just wanna smile at him. Yeah, I'm gonna kill you. That's a lot of scary. All of a sudden you go, oh, wait a minute, bro. Whoa, I never thought of it doing that one.

Starting point is 00:18:57 Wasn't he in the professional? Not the professional. No, no, no, he wasn't. He was an accountant. He was in injustice for all. Remember the guy throwing plates in injustice for all? If you see him, bring him up. I don't know if you have a thing.

Starting point is 00:19:08 If you see him, you'd see who the fuck I'm talking about. No, but isn't he, isn't Jeffrey Tambor? He might be in the accountant. Yes, he plays the old accountant for the mob. That makes sense. He teaches John Berndtall how to, or not John Berndtall. No, a Ben Affleck.

Starting point is 00:19:23 Ben Affleck how to do all that shit. But no, I didn't see it. I fell in love with stand-up. And I always had the notion of acting. And then when I got hired, I joined, I was part of an acting class on Schrader, no, no, Gardner, right behind... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:48 In LA? Yeah, right behind the Sunset Grill, right in that, if you go down that block. Who was teaching it? Frank, something, great guy, great guy, knew his shit, hated me when he found that I was friends with Andrew Diceclap. Just fucking turned on me, like told me right.

Starting point is 00:20:07 Yeah, he told me like he was like, cause I had to leave on Monday nights. Oh, okay. Class was like Monday nights. Cause you were opening for Dice or something? No, Monday nights was like the big night in LA when I got there in 97. It was Latin, Latino night at the Laugh Factory,

Starting point is 00:20:21 open mic at the comedy store, but Freaky Monday at the improv. And Freaky Monday was tremendous. So every Monday I would have to either go to Latino to the ice house. I would have to go to Laugh Factory or the improv. So class would start at seven. So I'd go in there, lurk till about 8.15 and go,

Starting point is 00:20:39 hey, I gotta get out of here and he would lose his mind. Where you going? I gotta do some comedy, okay. And the one night he asked me, he goes, when you go down to the comedy store, who's down there? And I said something to him, like Andrew Dice Clay or something like a Monday nights. And he was like, do you know him?

Starting point is 00:20:56 And I go, yeah, I talked to him once in a while, you know? And he was like, good to know he's a piece of shit. And he just started going off. Because he just didn't like his car. I found out later, years later, I bumped into him, his wife died. So I sent him like a note. And he told me that he had hired him for something

Starting point is 00:21:20 and then he didn't do, you know, Andrew's crazy. He didn't do the picture with him. So he wasted time and all this shit. And that was it. I went to that place and then I went to, with everybody on my back, I went to Havana Chavik. Oh yeah, very good teacher. Very good teacher.

Starting point is 00:21:38 I met her and had a little correspondence with her because she saw me just stand up once. And I had a long talk with her. She's, she's the real deal. Good lady. No, good lady. And listen, man. Charlize Theron, she helped a lot of motherfuckers.

Starting point is 00:21:48 Charlize and the other girl. She has a long list of very successful actors. But she won two Oscars in a row. The girl who won it before. You know what? Charlize Theron and the girl who was in a million dollar baby, right? Her and the black girl.

Starting point is 00:22:06 The African American, Holly Berry. Holly Berry, there you go. And I remember that going to that class, it was the same thing. You have to start in beginner and the guy liked me. And I know, you know what happened? I started booking. I actually, after I joined the class,

Starting point is 00:22:21 I got the four weeks, I started booking. And he was like, what's going on with you? I'm like, I'm booking, bitch. Whatever you're teaching me is working. That's what happened to me. You start booking in class. You start booking, you know. And it's really weird because everybody else

Starting point is 00:22:34 was worried about scenes. Like, you're not gonna believe this. I have the scene from Carlitos. You're thinking about getting a fucking job. Yeah, I'm thinking about getting a fucking job. Back then, when we were coming up, if you got a job on a TV show, it wasn't like today. If you got a job on a TV show, the world knew your name

Starting point is 00:22:50 and you were gonna buy a house. Like you made money. People see what, people don't realize, and correct me if I'm wrong. Nobody was making money doing stand-up. You didn't have social media. You couldn't curate your own audience. If you were making five grand a weekend,

Starting point is 00:23:02 that was a fucking fortune. Nobody, I remember when Zach Alvin acts told me he was making, he whispered it to me. He goes, I'm making $10,000. I went, what the fuck, stand-up? Nobody was making money. Like now, you can curate your own audience. You're making $10 million a year,

Starting point is 00:23:18 and you've been in the game for five years. Back then, you did stand-up because maybe you'd get a fucking sitcom and you could eat well and have a house. You had that dream? Like if you got, anytime if you got anything like a will and grace or a friend's get the fuck, you'd hear these stories.

Starting point is 00:23:35 It's like, I'm gonna buy a Porsche. For me, it was like, I get to drink really good wine. The whole fucking thing. It was never about the art. But you know what I'm saying? And pilot season, there'd be a small number of slots and you had to compete with that shit. I remember booking like my first pilot.

Starting point is 00:23:53 I was ready to buy a house with no money. And it was an hour drama for CBS. And they gave the director a million dollars to direct it. And they're like, when I was shooting it, they're like, dog, this is going. This is going. You might as well go buy a Lamborghini and shit. I'm like, come on, I'm like, come on guys.

Starting point is 00:24:14 And I didn't say a word like I was old enough or I was. Every pilot that's ever been shot, they say that. I was 35. I remember when I heard about friends that the motherfucking writer from Friends gave each of those six motherfuckers. A Porsche. No, he gave him 500 bucks.

Starting point is 00:24:31 And he said, walked to the casino when they shot the pilot for friends. After the pilot, he goes, walk to the casino. This will be the last time you'll be able to walk to a casino. Wow. Wow. Without getting fucked in mom.

Starting point is 00:24:47 That's cool. That is fucking crazy. That's pretty cool. But I've seen a lot of dudes come and go. And I've seen a lot of guys buy shit they couldn't afford. It's like, my buddy gets a series. I've never forgot this. And he goes, you got to see my new house.

Starting point is 00:24:59 So I come in and I look at the house and he's doing a series. I've been in the game for a while. And I look at the house and I swear to God, I went like this. I look at him and I go, how much does this house cost? He goes, about one six. I go, one six.

Starting point is 00:25:12 I go, what'd you put down? He goes, 20%. So I know the math right away. Because I go, I look at him and I go, you're going to make $45,000 before you wake up in the morning, right? He goes, yeah, a little more. I go, and I remember going, you're going to be out

Starting point is 00:25:28 of this house in six months. I call him up six months later. I go, how you doing? He goes, I'm turning into the skid. I go, bro, yeah, because your series didn't go because it didn't go because it never goes. And you got yourself leverage. You can't buy the house before you have the money

Starting point is 00:25:45 in the bank. I don't know how many actors I saw do that because they're actors. And because you think it's going to keep going. Back then you could do that. Back then you could get, you can get a more. It's fucking crazy. I have a list.

Starting point is 00:26:03 I could sit here, give me a week and I'll have a hundred names of people. Doug Davidoff, do you know the guy who, he bought a Rolls Royce, he got a development deal out of Montreal. Six months later, he's living in the fucking car. And that's a true story. That guys, and this is, this is it.

Starting point is 00:26:18 And people have no idea. I could, I could sit here, give me a week and we could do a podcast again of just like, you know, they read the nine, 11 names on Sunday. We could just read the fucking names of people who just fucking booked the pilot, lost their minds. You'd be there all day. Oh my God, guys.

Starting point is 00:26:39 This is such a great topic because I could go for hours with this. Oh yeah. And this is how you learn when you see people actually crumble. Like guys, there was one guy one year in Montreal. I do not know what his name was. This has to be 2003.

Starting point is 00:26:53 Yeah. Went up to Montreal, good looking. He looked like fucking Superman before he fell off the horse. What's his name? Christopher Reeves. He looked beautiful. This man was beautiful dog.

Starting point is 00:27:05 He walked into the car. I'll never forget. He walked into the company store like a Tuesday night. He had six Jews with him, you know, agents with suits on. That's when agents did shit with you. Like eight of them. Well, it was all the mafia. You had to have a manager and an agent.

Starting point is 00:27:22 He had everybody. Yeah. You're going to see a 30 year check. That's how it was. A 30 year check. Fucking crazy. If you're making 7,500 bucks a week, which I was on Mad TV, I saw, I don't know how it happened, 1,500 bucks.

Starting point is 00:27:34 I don't know where the fuck the money went. Bro, I'd be like, how the fuck, it's $1,500. My dad was like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm not doing anything. I got a business manager, a business manager. Yeah, they told me. They all talked to each other. A third of my money.

Starting point is 00:27:47 I'm a fucking, you know. No, it's guys, it's crazy how, oh my God, I saw a guy next to me buying Porsche with his stripper girlfriend. He lived in a fucking one bedroom apartment next to me. It's called wishful thinking. It's called optimism. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:28:03 And I wouldn't buy shit. When I shot that pilot, they were telling me all these numbers, I think the number for me was 18-5. I couldn't even. Oh, bro. I couldn't even. A week? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:15 That's so much money. That was at the drama. $18,000 a week. That's so much money. When I booked the pilot, the agent at the pilot goes, we have to call them back and get a, I'll never forget this, because they gave me 25,000 just to move here.

Starting point is 00:28:28 Wow. Okay, so they gave me 25,000, but that was minus 200,000. So I don't want people to go, you got 25,000. First of all, 25,000 after an agent and attorney is fucking 20 Gs. It's about 12 grand. It's about 12 grand.

Starting point is 00:28:43 Yeah, it's about 12 grand. Just figure that. And that's a fact. So when I moved down here, they were like, okay, you know, you're gonna get, I don't know what it was for the pilot. I have no idea, maybe 1500 or something like that. But then the agent goes,

Starting point is 00:28:55 we have to call and get your quote for the, for this. And what they don't know is we do it for fucking free. We do it. I would do it for free then. This was like that. Who played the doctor on the Sopranos when he, when, what's his name?

Starting point is 00:29:09 Went to prison. At the end. On the Sopranos? I don't remember. At the end, the guy from the other family, Johnny Sack goes to prison. And there's a doctor there. He was also, yeah, he befriends a doctor with glasses.

Starting point is 00:29:22 That's who they paid a million dollars to direct. He was also in eyes wide shut. He's the one that- Oh, Sidney Lumet. Sidney Pollock. Sidney Pollock. I got a pancreatic cancer. Sidney Pollock was directing that thing.

Starting point is 00:29:34 When CBS pays Sidney Pollock to a million dollars to direct, that show's going. That show's going. That's what you're saying. So when I shot the pilot, I went from 10 pages of verbiage to one, cause I didn't know how to act. So every day I went in, I lost the page.

Starting point is 00:29:52 And then towards the end, they just had me grunting and making noises. At the end, people really never talked to me. They were like, it's going to all work out. You weren't ready. You weren't ready. No, I wasn't. Fuck, I'm ready.

Starting point is 00:30:03 I never acted in my life before. They threw me on a CBS pilot. So I fucking, on the way home, they're like, it's going to be okay. When you get back, then the executive producer said, listen, get an acting class immediately. I'll visit with you and I'm like, this sucks. But I'm like, man, I can't wait to buy that house.

Starting point is 00:30:20 And the fact, I went all the way to Miami. That's after they towed my car. And I went all the way to Miami for three weeks. Cause I didn't even want to even think about it. I did not want to think about it. I was going to get the call that the pilot got picked up. I was going to call the drug dealer, get a fucking kilo of coke and just go to my room

Starting point is 00:30:36 and snort it and then start shooting the fucking episode. Cause they were going to give me $18,000 a fucking week. And those days you picked up, I think it was 16 episodes right off the bat. Yeah, that's right. Which by the way is crazy. It's fucking crazy. You're set.

Starting point is 00:30:52 I was going to get 18,000, 18,5 for 16 episodes from September to December. And then come back and shoot another 16 or whatever the fuck it was, 17 episodes at $18,000. So guys, yes, when I got the call, I was in Miami and Jeff Gatwin called me, my ex-managed and he goes, hey, I don't know how to tell you this. And I'm like, well, I didn't get the Travolta project

Starting point is 00:31:17 cause I was going to get the Travolta movie. He said it didn't get picked up. And he goes to the pilot, didn't get picked up. And I'm like, what the fuck are you saying? What the fuck? I was like, lose it. That's impossible, it's Sydney Pollock. And he called me when I got back to LA.

Starting point is 00:31:30 He's like, it's going to be a mid-season replacement. Oh. So I was like, okay. So I called the director, the executive producer. He's like, yeah, we're going to get together in a couple of weeks and start writing scripts again. Cause we'll probably be on TV by December or January. Nope.

Starting point is 00:31:48 And it was fucking, it was, it was. That's the story of my life. But that's 18,000. And then do you remember when, when I was going to get the, do you remember the beginning of reality? Rogan got fear factor on NBC. I remember that. And I was in New York with him.

Starting point is 00:32:03 I'll never forget this. I'm in New York on Times Square. He goes into a fucking place to buy a samurai. Like there was a six foot samurai standing on Broadway with blue eyes and shit. He's so crazy. With a fucking sword. He's so fucking weird.

Starting point is 00:32:17 He's like, I'm going in there to pay for this statue. And I go, I don't want to go in there. I don't like him when he spent money in those days. He always, he had always had the confidence. He spent so much money. I got $2,000 in my pocket and he's buying a statue for $1,200. I'm like, forget the statue. I'll go in front of your house and pose like that.

Starting point is 00:32:34 Just give me, just give me $200 right now for the day. Something. I'll never forget. We were, he was in the thing and I was standing on Broadway and above me was that rotating thing. And it said Fear Factor, you know. America had a show and he was walking out talking to me. I'm Broadway and that didn't matter.

Starting point is 00:32:55 No, it didn't matter. 10 people running to me going, are you big pussy from the Sopranos? We want to get a picture. I'm like, that's Joe Rogan from Fear Factor. I fuck him. And I'm like, oh my God, that's how crazy that was. That's how it goes.

Starting point is 00:33:07 And with Joe, I remember him getting famous. And I remember when we were in New York city and a cop goes, Joe Rogan, because he was doing Fear Factor. And I went, my boys, and another guy goes, oh shit, Joe Rogan. And I went, bro, you're famous. And then he bought that house up in the fucking balcony.

Starting point is 00:33:26 And I'd known him, you know, I mean we were, he'd been a guest on Mad TV. I'd been against and we're sitting there and he said something so great. He was looking, you stand there like this and I'm looking at his fucking house with the marble floors and the fucking view. And I go, bro, I go, you're rich and famous.

Starting point is 00:33:41 I go, what's it like? And he goes, it feels exactly the same, except for my walls are a little more farther apart. So my dogs aren't as close to me. I went, what a great bug. And I'm like, he understood the illusion that fame and money is. Like it's good to have, but at the end of the day,

Starting point is 00:34:00 he goes, yeah, my walls are farther apart. And that just means that there's more space so the things I love have to get to me. It takes them longer to get. He was thinking mathematically and geometrically. I'm like, this motherfucker thinks on a different level. But he's kind of right. I remember the day he called me when he said,

Starting point is 00:34:19 I'm quitting acting, 35 years old. I go, what? What do you mean quitting acting? Back then it's like, you can't make a living doing stand-up. I mean, you can make some money, but not, he goes, nah, I'm quitting. I don't want to fucking act. I don't want some guy telling me what to do.

Starting point is 00:34:33 I don't fucking like it. I don't like the people. Everybody's got a hole they can't fill, so fuck it. I'm like, I remember just being like, all right, you're fucking crazy. And he stuck to it and it worked for him. Things are going okay for the kid. And you don't want, yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:45 And you know what's crazy, man? That's the problem. And it was a problem for me. The only problem I really had was, listen, you love doing stand-up, but you also know, sometimes for people, stand-up is a means to an end. There was not that for me. I know, I know, I saw a lot of people in LA,

Starting point is 00:35:07 moved to LA, got on a TV show. You never saw them on the stage ever again. No. You never saw them. It kind of bothered me. It didn't. It kind of bothered me. Like, I remember-

Starting point is 00:35:18 You still see it though. A lot of people are getting into stand-up. Everybody's a stand-up now. Well, now it's going the other way around. Now it's going back to being a stand-up because listen, a stand-up comic today, I mean, I'm surprised we don't have baseball cards. I'm really surprised.

Starting point is 00:35:35 I'm really surprised. But Joey, like here's what I say about stand-up. There are very few people who you can take like everybody says they're a comic, but nowadays you can curate your own audience. So before you can get up there, everybody loves you. It's like performing for your own family in a living room when you're a kid.

Starting point is 00:35:55 But there are very few comics, and you're one of these guys. I can put you up in front of any fucking audience anywhere in the world. They don't know you. They've never heard of you. And I give you 45 minutes up there and you got them laughing for the whole 45 minutes.

Starting point is 00:36:11 That's a rare fraternity. That is a small group of people because that takes real skill and it takes a long fucking time. And I think that's lost on it. And if we were bankers, the headliners, all of us who are headliners, if we were bankers, we'd be very, very wealthy

Starting point is 00:36:30 because there's probably, how many people can do that? Honestly, who can put out hour after hour that does really well where we've been making people laugh for 25 years on that level. Not a lot of people, bro. I always say, you come to my friend's show,

Starting point is 00:36:44 come to my show, come to my friend's show. You'll laugh harder by far than any movie you've ever seen in your life. Put it up there, Hangover or whatever. Come to a Joey Diaz show. Come to a fucking Joe Rogan show. Come to a Bill Burr show. Come to a Sebastian Mascalco show.

Starting point is 00:36:59 Come to a Steve Burns show. Whoever the fuck it is. Sam Tripoli. You'll laugh harder for one hour than you'll ever laugh at a movie. That's rare air, man. That's not easy. Speaking of which, Man Tears on YouTube, guys.

Starting point is 00:37:12 It's my special. Make sure you get that. Run, run. But it's free, just do that. So you tape the special where? Bray and Prof. Great place to tape the special. Yeah, bro, unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:37:23 Great place. And Sam Tripoli's Dana, Dana who is Sam Tripoli's gal, she's the one who produced it, did an amazing job. I paid for the whole thing myself. And I just put it up there. And Russell Peters said, call it Man Tears. Cause it's really about vulnerability

Starting point is 00:37:38 and how men can't cry. And it's fucking, you know, and so far getting a lot of love. So we'll see. When did you put it up? I put it up six days ago. And how's it going? It's good.

Starting point is 00:37:47 You know, over 300,000 views and counting. It's crazy how much stand up has changed again. And the last COVID has changed stand up. It's changed acting. Yeah, well, you also gotta be, you're in a TikTok world. So you gotta be putting out, you know, pieces and pieces every day

Starting point is 00:38:09 because people are consuming comedy now, like it's candy. You know, Beyonce was saying, nobody wants to see a body of work. Like they'll tell you, my special is 50 minutes. The truth is most people get through 27 minutes. Doesn't matter who the fuck you are.

Starting point is 00:38:23 I don't care if you're Chappelle, I don't care if you're Burr, I don't care if you're Rogan. People get through maybe 25 minutes and they watch it in pieces. So you, so putting out 50 minutes, you know, that's a gamble. I gotta break it up

Starting point is 00:38:35 because that's just the way it is. And it used to be you put out an hour. See, see the channels, man, we're so predictable. Put out an hour. I got all my people, I got my team. They're gonna do all that shit. One of the good things is now it's up to us. Now I am producer, I'm publisher, I'm director.

Starting point is 00:38:53 I do it all. I'm on my own PR team. I don't need PR. I do this podcast, I do flagrant, I do that, that's more than any PR, any magazine, magazine. What do you want me to do? Kimmel the fuck out of here for three minutes?

Starting point is 00:39:08 Nah, no thanks. I'll do this. You know what I mean? Have you seen the numbers Saturday Night Live gets? Those actors can't sell tickets. God bless them. They're all very talented, but it's hard. It's not enough just to be on a TV show.

Starting point is 00:39:21 So new medias, you know. It's really crazy how much, you're right. When we got that lane 97, you recurred on a TV show. That's it, seven episodes. You sold out all your shows and you did that until the show ended. You know, Nick Topolo did it with Grace Underfire. It was just fucking.

Starting point is 00:39:41 I was on Goldbergs for seven years, bro. They gave me my own TV show. I've sold exactly three tickets as a result of that show. It gives a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck. Do Rogan once and you sell out. And you sell out.

Starting point is 00:39:53 It's really unreal how much, and I did a podcast maybe about a year ago and I spoke about how agents aren't building comics up anymore to get a TV show. It's not happening. When I got into comedy, the three biggest shows that comedians ever did were on. Roseanne, that year that they had Tim Allen,

Starting point is 00:40:18 they gave Tom Rhodes a special, not a special TV show. They gave the Korean girl Margaret Cho one and somebody else. Oh, Greg Harado that you were talking about. We had a period where the networks were like, fuck it. We got an easier, we're gonna do what they did with Roseanne and Tim Allen. Just do a comedy, do a series derived

Starting point is 00:40:41 from their stand-up comedy. And it was working. It was working. They canceled Tom Rhodes. They canceled whatever. But listen, if you signed 10 comics, three of them are gonna make it. The other seven are gonna fizzle away.

Starting point is 00:40:55 And guess what? I have a career that opens up a door for you. But today, we don't have that. Even up to 20 years ago, we had Ray Romano. We had a bunch of guys on TV. Today we don't and I'm gonna tell you why. It's not because the agents aren't building. It's because the comics are saying,

Starting point is 00:41:11 why the fuck am I gonna do that? Why would I wanna go on a set, take orders all fucking day. Now with rules, a comic is not gonna adjust to those rules. You can't say shit on those sets. You can't say anything on those sets. You can't even crack a joke. And the money.

Starting point is 00:41:33 You can't crack a joke. No, you can't crack a joke. And the money sucks. At the end of the day, the money sucks. And you're working with the creepiest fucking people in fucking Hollywood. Let me give you an example. I own a flip-flop company, Tohold.

Starting point is 00:41:48 I bring Joe's and Tohold's, you know? Because my, but this is the reach. Think about this now. I'm terrible at self-promotion and plugging. So I'm plugging my brand, right? Cause I own 30% of the company. So I go, I'm gonna bring Rogan a pair. And I'm gonna talk, I'm wearing my Toholds,

Starting point is 00:42:04 fucking Eddie Brava's wearing. We're doing the fight companion. I'm gonna talk about my fucking company. I'm not, I don't, oh, I'm not a business guy. I'm not making money, but I just fucking, I'm like, I'm gonna try to be a businessman. Very clumsy. I'm terrible about it.

Starting point is 00:42:16 But Rogan, all he did was this. He takes the pair of flip-flops. Now listen to this. And he goes, cause he's making fun of me for even like pushing. I go, put your Toholds on. He goes, fuck you. Stop trying to plug your fucking, your flip-flops.

Starting point is 00:42:29 And, but then he picks them up and he goes, but they are the best made flip-flops on the planet. Cause they're expensive. They're the most expensive, but they're handmade and shit with the best leather. We fucking, I mean, you can get everything. I'm gonna send you a pair. Do you wear flip-flops?

Starting point is 00:42:41 No. All right. So nevermind. You would wear these. But anyway, so they, but he does this. All he does is this. He goes, they are the best made flip-flops. You can't even pull them apart.

Starting point is 00:42:48 And he goes like this. He goes, it's like, they're, they're unbelievable. They're incredibly made. And he does this. That's it. Okay. We're done. They go, you got your fucking plug.

Starting point is 00:42:57 He got you. You plugged it. You happy? Just off of that. Just off of that. After him saying that, we have, I believe 60,000 more followers on the Tohold Instagram.

Starting point is 00:43:10 On the Tohold, 60,000. We had in two days, 20,000 people visit the fucking website. We had to shut it down. Because we were selling too many rash guards, too many flip-flops and too many fucking t-shirts. Cause the guy makes them by hand, these flip-flops. And we got to, we had to, we had to hire new people to make these flip-flops.

Starting point is 00:43:32 There are 350 bucks a pair. They're the best flip-flops on the planet. They'll last you forever. But the motherfucker, all of a sudden he's like, I got to stop this with 20,000 people off of one fucking mention from that guy. Find me the TV show. Find me the SYNTHCOM.

Starting point is 00:43:46 Find me the news organization where you could do that. Where a guy goes like that. He goes, yeah, these are the best made flip-flops on the planet and does this. That's it, boom. And by the way, still going on. We're getting crashed. It's like, he's like, fuck, we sold out of the rash guards.

Starting point is 00:44:01 We sold out of the fucking t-shirt. I know, but I mean, that was, that was all we needed. You know, it's like, holy fuck, that's a different way of, you understand? Like if you have a business, do a podcast, the right one. And somebody like that just says, hey, these are the best made flip-flops on the planet. How much would that cost?

Starting point is 00:44:21 $2 million, $3 million to get that kind of effect? I mean, I think literally we went from, think about the counts on Instagram. 60,000 people, new followers. We got, it's a fucking, it's totaled. It's a flip-flop thing. And we got over 300,000 followers. Other companies are calling us going,

Starting point is 00:44:41 how the fuck do you have this many followers? How are you getting this kind of interaction? I don't know. I go on podcasts. I talk about it. I did it once on Rogan. Well, did you see this thing came out about three weeks ago that people are paying to go on podcasts?

Starting point is 00:44:56 Of course they are. They're paying big money, 40,000. They should. 20,000 so they can explore who they are or their product or whatever the fuck. At first I'm like, that sounds a little fucking creepy. Well, it's a catch. You can't be that guy, right?

Starting point is 00:45:11 What do you mean? I don't want nobody coming on my podcast. That's what I mean. I can't do it. I get those offers. I cannot do something I don't believe in. I'm not gonna have you on. The fans would be like, hey, bro, get the fuck out of here.

Starting point is 00:45:25 We tune in because you guys are having an honest conversation. Even plug-and-toe hold, like when I talk about it, I get shit. People are like, hey, fuck you when you flip-flops. And they should. I get it. I get it, I understand. Because it's like, nobody wants to be sold.

Starting point is 00:45:40 We're all being sold. I come to a podcast to fucking have a conversation. I come to a podcast to listen. Just to have a good time. Yeah, don't sell me anything. I'm being sold by everything. It's weird. Because sometimes you do go watch a podcast or something

Starting point is 00:45:54 and people are promoting it. And you know what? In the podcast world, I used to get a lot of shit. If I had you on once, and that was great. And then you shot a special and you came on and talked about it, they loved you. Yeah. There was no beef.

Starting point is 00:46:10 Well, you gotta do that to an extent. But when you just do, like when people were doing, like just weird things, like when somebody just comes in to sell a book, I get shit. Yeah. I don't get shit. You know, when somebody comes in to sell a specific day to something, I would get shit.

Starting point is 00:46:30 A little bit, not a lot. But what they tell me, yeah, but like think about it. You put a special on YouTube, everybody will tell you, including your best friends, they go, you gotta do all the podcasts. You gotta drive down and see Joey. I mean, I love doing this anyway because I haven't seen him in a while, but it's great.

Starting point is 00:46:45 But you gotta do all that shit. Because if you don't, you're not in the algorithm. And I don't care how good your special is. It's getting fucking a lot of love. It doesn't matter, bro. You're not getting eyeballs on that. People are too busy. We're moving too fast.

Starting point is 00:47:00 If it's not right in front of me, I'm not gonna watch it. You know, but that's the reality of what we do, bro. I don't sell promotion for me. I don't know about you. I cringe. Listen, as a comic, that like Jay Davis, okay? Love him.

Starting point is 00:47:17 Great guy. He's such a sweetheart. Jay Davis was a puzzle for me. You know, Jay Davis promoted these rooms and he got 500 people in there. Unbelievable. You're the most beautiful woman in the world. You don't, you just don't know.

Starting point is 00:47:30 And he's a good looking dude, you know? But tiny, but whatever the fuck, you know? I love that motherfucker. You know, when I first started living in LA, I saw these people. There's another Spanish comic. Well, I don't know how the fuck he does. He would get 300 people.

Starting point is 00:47:44 Not Gabriel, but this is a promoter kid that I don't even think he does comedy anymore. That's an art in itself, bro. It's a fucking art. But the kid wasn't that good of a comic. But he did a great job of promotions. And I remember, I used to be jealous. Like, what do we need to do?

Starting point is 00:48:00 Do I need to get flyers and go to a mall in Pat? Cause that sucks, going to a mall. Hey, how you doing? You wanna come see a great comedy show? I can't do it, dude. All that shit sucked. I mean, I would hire people maybe to hand out shit. I think right now, today, you know what you do?

Starting point is 00:48:17 You get a fucking, a truck with a billboard that drives up and down a street with your fucking face on it, saying Joey Diaz. That's the only thing I can think of. That's not gonna work anymore either. Think of how, think of, listen, I remember what I got. I still remember selling neon. And, you know, the businesses,

Starting point is 00:48:38 and my job would just be to drop 100 flyers off a day. I would get 10 calls, close three of them. It was automatic. And some days, if I didn't get a call, then the next day I'd get six calls. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're always gonna get three calls. But nobody would do that anymore.

Starting point is 00:48:55 Like, nobody's gonna pass out flyers. Nobody's gonna, right now, we have so many different opportunities to promote. And as a comic, you're not gonna get anywhere unless you promote yourself. I fucking was horrible at that. I can never tell you. You can't rely on traditional media.

Starting point is 00:49:11 No, you can't do traditional what? Exactly. I'm gonna be, by the way, I'll be in San Jose this weekend. So come see me Thursday, Friday, Saturday, San Jose Improv. Have you done that club recently? Oh, no.

Starting point is 00:49:25 No? Great club. You've done it before. Oh yeah, I've done it too many times. That's an old school theater. I love that. I like that whole area, but there's no more fucking,

Starting point is 00:49:34 my restaurants not there. Original Joe's closed down. Oh, really? So I was just going up to San Jose to go to Original Joe's, and on the way out of there, you go to the airport. I do, stand up.

Starting point is 00:49:45 You go to the airport, you get yourself the three eggs with the steak, with the wheat toast. Forget about it. I'd go up there just, because Original Joe's in San Francisco, I couldn't get into. Why?

Starting point is 00:49:55 It's a two hour wait. Wow. Why'd they close down in San Jose? Because they closed it? No, you have to, I don't even know if it's true. I haven't spoken intimately up there. I heard a rumor that they were closing it.

Starting point is 00:50:06 Just about the time COVID hit. That's San Jose improv is a fucking landmark. I haven't done it, and I'm excited. I haven't done it in like two years. San Jose improv is a fun fucking weekend, plus they got great martial arts schools up there. Oh yeah, bro.

Starting point is 00:50:19 I used to go to A.K. A.K.A. The last time, not the last time, but like a couple of times back, I go to, you'll love this. I go to fucking,

Starting point is 00:50:26 I'm doing the improv, and I go to A.K.A. and Daniel Cormier is there, Luke Rockhold, and Luke throws me headgear. Now I was boxing, so I had my mouthpiece. So I'm like,

Starting point is 00:50:39 I go, I put my mouthpiece in, and I'm like, hey guys, they're all killers, and I'm a fucking idiot, right? So Daniel Cormier goes, I got him first.

Starting point is 00:50:47 I got him first, and we're just light sparring. We're touching and stuff like that. And I've been boxing, and I've done enough martial arts to, you know, and fucking, I'm hitting Daniel,

Starting point is 00:50:55 and I'm hitting him on the shoulder. And he's doing, and he's doing this kind of Philly shell and just giggling as he's coming at me. And it's, I may as well hit, you may as well punch the ocean. Punch the fucking weather.

Starting point is 00:51:07 If there's a hurricane, punch the weather, punch the hurricane. That's about as much, that's about as much chance as you have. And I don't know where he just grabs me, double legs me. And he goes,

Starting point is 00:51:17 he goes, what's this? I'm gonna make him tap. And he puts his shoulder in my chest. Now I was a wrestler. Okay, I'm a grown man. The motherfucker double legs me, puts his shoulder in my chest.

Starting point is 00:51:29 I can't breathe. I'm like, and he goes, look at this, look, look, look, he's gonna tap and like,

Starting point is 00:51:36 he's fucking like thumper, like thumper. And then, he's like a beam of death. No, but I, but then Luke goes, and then me and Luke are moving around. Luke Rockhold,

Starting point is 00:51:45 okay. One of the greatest middle weights of all time, six, three, two, 20 at the time. This is before he beat the shit out of Chris Wideman. All right. And he does up for sure enough. He does one of those fucking question mark kicks.

Starting point is 00:51:59 Boom, right in the fucking face. My nose was black and blue. I put it on Instagram. I had to go to the fucking, I had to go get makeup and put it on my fucking nose. Cause my nose was, I looked like bozo. But anyway,

Starting point is 00:52:11 the point is don't fuck around. Don't fuck around with those guys. No. I used to go to the other place and do jiu-jitsu with that guy. That guy turned me into a fucking pretzel. Yeah. John Fisch was up there.

Starting point is 00:52:21 John Fisch. And that's what I want to tell all these people. Like, listen, I spoke to Yulia that I talked about, that I was talking to you about not going on the road. I'm like, I'm 50. You're talking about being 55 before coming in here

Starting point is 00:52:34 going to New York city. And it's like a fucking different animal. I got an eight month old home too. I'm tired, Bubba. I'm tired. This is what I say to people. And I tried to listen, man, I would have loved to done this like Ron White.

Starting point is 00:52:47 I would have loved to do this till I drop. Yeah. And drink. Are you not going to? Are you thinking about taking your foot off the gas? Not at all. Not at all. I'm just taking my foot off the travel gas for right now.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Okay. You know, there's an interesting story. Nobody even heard of Josh Wolf. Josh Wolf was with me in LA since day one, since 97. One of the best guys on the planet. One of the best guys on the planet. He's one of the best fucking people. Nobody ever heard of Josh Wolf.

Starting point is 00:53:15 In 2000, he got a deal. And as much as he wanted to do everything, he couldn't. He was put in a bad position. He had three children. He had three fucking children. And no mother. And no mother.

Starting point is 00:53:27 And he fucking worked around it. And we, I tried to babysit family. We go do spots, but it was just not consistent enough. And he did what he could do. He wrote. He wrote. And he made money. He got on Chelsea.

Starting point is 00:53:40 And after 10 years, the kids are gone. Look what he's doing now. Look what he's doing now. He does not take a week off. You know, Dave Chappelle took time off to find himself. You know, he took like 10 years off. I'm not even taking time off. I took about a year and a half or I just was burnt out

Starting point is 00:53:59 from LA. I just wanted to decompress from what I just happened. You gotta remember, we were just a bunch of fucking kids cracking jokes, having a good time, fucking around, smoking pot. And all of a sudden the podcast world came and all of a sudden there's a line to see us. I know it's so fucking weird.

Starting point is 00:54:17 There's a line to see us from we couldn't sell a ticket. I remember doing the longest yard and the fucking movie being number two and being out there the week afterward. And like four people saw the fucking movie. And then I go on my podcast with Felicia and I say that I mugged a hooker. And that night, two days later,

Starting point is 00:54:37 I gotta show it, fucking someplace. And I go, you have a hundred people here. What do you stop like? You know, when club owners call you and they go, hurry up, you got a bunch of people. And you get down there, there's like 11 people. You're like, why'd you say that to me? I'm like, I just want to get you to move.

Starting point is 00:54:51 When the guy told me, fucking, I have a hundred people here. I'm like, if I get down there and there's 10 people, we're gonna have a problem. You go, Joey, you got a hundred paid people here. I had $15 a piece. To me at that time, it was more than 18-5. At 17 fucking weeks. Fighter and the Kid.

Starting point is 00:55:11 I knew Fighter and the Kid was a hit when the TSA dudes were like, bro, Fighter and the Kid. Then I'm playing, then we're all hanging out and I'm watching my kid play soccer and a guy looks at me, he's from Mexico. He goes, are you the kid? Keep going, I'm like, bro, what the fuck is this?

Starting point is 00:55:29 What is this? It was the craziest experience of my life. Now, while Joey's gone, guys, if you like comedy, man tears, okay, on YouTube. And if you really like comedy this weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm at the fucking San Jose Improv. And then the weekend after that,

Starting point is 00:55:44 I'm at Spokane Comedy Club. And the weekend after that, I'm at Tacoma Comedy Club. And then, if you're from fucking anywhere in the Tri-State area, October 13, 14, 15, I think that those are the dates, I'm terrible. I'm at the Stress Factory in Bridgeport, motherfuckers. So come get some. That's my plug.

Starting point is 00:56:05 Look at this, what is this? It's a little Buddha thing. Does he keep this on here? Has this got some kind of like, this little, looks a little bit like Joey. The God of the Joy. Yeah, it's like the Buddha version of Joey right there. That's a great little fucking Buddha.

Starting point is 00:56:19 I like that. But no, bro, and I'm happy you're here because I want you to help me explain this. I mean, we went from being, you know, whatever, $15 a week comics. Nobody talked to us. That's exactly how much we were making. $1,500 a week had to pay for your plane ticket.

Starting point is 00:56:35 You know, after two grams of Coke and whatever, I came home with $300, like mad TV. You know, and all of a sudden now your podcast is kicking. You know, the money was the least of it. That's right. I mean, the money, I could care less about it. I never expected to make any money. No, so I don't give a fuck about it.

Starting point is 00:56:53 But what was happening? People talking to you, people stopping you on the street. From other countries. Jesus Christ, I remember fucking, we did acid church. We did like two hits of acid. Ari went to Australia. He checked in and the guy goes, I'm gonna walk him to his room.

Starting point is 00:57:09 And Ari's like, this doesn't seem right when he checked into the hotel. On the way up, the guy goes, bro, I got acid. That acid church was killing me. He goes, a week later, I'm in Australia. And this fucking bellhop is walking me up to the room to tell me he got acid and then they saw the acid church. And then it wasn't just that.

Starting point is 00:57:25 It was what was going on at the comedy clubs at the store. The store went from being one of the greatest clubs in California. And by the way, he performed for 12 alcoholics at fucking 12 at night. Nobody was at the area. Nobody. Nobody was there.

Starting point is 00:57:41 Nobody. No one was hanging out. I mean, it was unbelievable. And all of a sudden, it went to being the greatest comedy club in the fucking universe. Packed every fucking night. You couldn't walk in there fucking celebrities. How many nights I go up there on a Tuesday and walk out?

Starting point is 00:57:55 Most famous people in the world. And I'm looking at fucking famous. I'm like, what the fuck is going on at the store? Dr. Dre started coming to the, I mean, it was just fucking, it was shocking. You get recognized by famous people. Yeah, no, it was insane. Like even Sean Penn, I met Sean Penn one time

Starting point is 00:58:12 and he goes, and John Legozama was there and he, John's a buddy and John goes, you know, Brian's a comic and I've never told a story, but it was, I don't know. But maybe he was being polite, but Sean Penn goes, yeah, of course. Yeah, and I went. I'm still excited about it.

Starting point is 00:58:32 Maybe he was just being that way, but I think he knew a little bit. I think he kind of like, maybe he'd seen, maybe he'd been at the store. That was the only thing, or maybe it seemed something I'd done, but I was so fucking excited. I was like, the fucking Sean Penn.

Starting point is 00:58:43 You're gonna love this story because we all relate to this. When I shot Grudge Match, like nobody said hello to me. Right. You know what I'm saying? I walked in there and people were like, who's this fat fuck?

Starting point is 00:58:55 I did what I had to do and then I flew up. I mean, the director knew me. So he spoke to me. I knew him from the longest yard. So he bullshitted with me. But everybody else, nobody said get to me. I mean, how about Cool J was cool. De Niro was cool as fuck.

Starting point is 00:59:10 John Berthold, that's how he became brothers. He's a great guy. I just met him. He's a fucking great guy. He's a great guy. Wow, what a great guy. So I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? And all of a sudden I go to ADR.

Starting point is 00:59:28 Now nobody said hello to me on the set. When I got to ADR. And Hollywood makes you feel invisible. Oh please, but I didn't give a fuck. I wasn't. Listen. You're not hanging with them. I was invisible.

Starting point is 00:59:39 You're not hanging with them anyway. No, I was invisible to start off with. I was born invisible. Right. And then you go to Hollywood and you're more invisible. But what people understand is. You go to ADR. Yeah, so for people like us,

Starting point is 00:59:50 I came from shit. So here I am in a fucking set with the neighbor all cool James Stallone. I'm like, nobody's going to believe this. When I go to hell, nobody's going to believe this. I'm telling them the story. So I go to ADR. Doug, nobody said shit to me.

Starting point is 01:00:03 When I get to ADR, every producer is there. They had bowls of fruit. They had sandwiches. And they're like, wow, can we do it? Joey, oh my God, it's so great to see you. And I'm like, what the fuck's going on? And I went inside, I did the ADR. When I came back, fucking even more producers

Starting point is 01:00:23 were back there talking to me. How you doing, blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden I leave and I call somebody. I think I call John. And I go, John, I just wonder, he goes, you know why? Because when they screened the movies, people were yelling your name in the movie. That's right.

Starting point is 01:00:38 I heard that. I heard about that. And he goes. I heard when you came up on stage, when you came on the screen, they said, we were with DeNiro, everybody. I heard this. Yes.

Starting point is 01:00:47 You come on and the whole fucking theater goes, that's when you know that the audience, the people, they're not watching your movies, bro. They're watching podcasts and they know you as a person and they identify with you. Because you know what's really important as a comic? To truly believe you're not better than your audience. And I know that.

Starting point is 01:01:06 I know I'm not better than any motherfucker listening. That's the difference. Cause when you're in Hollywood and you're treated like royalty, you forget that shit and you're out of touch. Podcasting, comedy, I'm fucking hanging with people afterwards. I gotta talk to you about shit you were late to. So if I think I'm better than you, you're not gonna be laughing at me

Starting point is 01:01:23 cause I'm gonna be talking at you from here to here. And that was the X factor. I think that's the advantage that, you know, and I had this, you'll like this. I fucking go to Stavester Stallone's daughters are comedy fans, great gals, Jersey girls, man. Like they grew up with all the money, but their feet are on the fucking ground.

Starting point is 01:01:46 You know, I'm sorry that they're getting divorced because that's a good family, man. That's a good family. She's their mother, Jennifer, she's a real class actor. And Stallone say whatever you want, that dude is a family man. Like he loves those kids. He loves, he, I was really impressed with him.

Starting point is 01:02:03 But anyway, I get to go to his house now. I go to his fucking house to watch the Super Bowl. I go to his house to watch the fights on being invited. I walk in there, I'm with Frank Grillo. I fucking walk in there and, you know, Stallone knows Frank and stuff, but now I'm in there and it's like, now I'm getting this from Stallone. Hey, Brian, I get excited now thinking about it.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Anybody who's young doesn't understand this. Now watch this. So now I'm hanging out and I, you know, Al, well, Al Pacino's right there. I'm like, yeah, hey, how are you doing? Fucking Al, I'm talking. And now I'm talking to these guys and I'm eating as we're talking

Starting point is 01:02:45 and Guy Fieri's in the kitchen. Guy Fieri's making the food. Flavortown's in the fucking kitchen making the food. David Blaine shows up who I've known forever. He starts doing magic. He's just hanging out. I got Bill Burr smoking a fucking cigar, looking at all the fucking wine in the cigar collection.

Starting point is 01:03:01 So he's obviously Bill's there. Then now, oh, I'm sorry. Have you met Sugar Ray Leonard? You met, cause he's in here with Michael Strahan and they're just fucking hanging out. I mean, it's just, it's legend fucking central. It's legend central. That's just the beginning of it all.

Starting point is 01:03:19 And I'm just sitting there fucking talking to the world. And then I hear all this riffraff, don't mess around with this riffraff. And I go, well, there he is. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger, who's now here at the party. And it's just a little get together of legends and invisible boy over here.

Starting point is 01:03:42 And under just behind my face, I'm going, ah, but I'm trying to be cool. I'm trying to have a conversation. It was so fucking good. And at one point I'm standing there and fucking, it's Pacino Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and I don't know, add somebody else, Sugar Ray. I don't even know if he was there,

Starting point is 01:04:01 but it doesn't matter. And they're all talking and me and me. And I'm darting in with my little, I just wanna have a conversation. I'm darting in with my useless little fucking things. I'm trying to, you know, you ever see a bird dog, you know, and fucking Bill Burr walks by and he goes,

Starting point is 01:04:17 you've been here for over an hour. Get over it already. But dude, I'm like, I'm not over it. I'm not getting over it. This was royalty. It's crazy. But those days, those days of the movie star,

Starting point is 01:04:30 the way we grew up, like we were talking about the gods, those days are over now, bro. Because the veil's been lifted. Because now with the internet and new media, you can't create that persona. It's too atomized. It's too fractured.

Starting point is 01:04:48 It's not like, you know, Tom Cruise still got it. Some of these guys still got it. But I don't think we're gonna see those, that magnitude of movie star anymore. Not with the way new media is. Now it's like, now, you know, if you got a, like if you're Joe Rogan with a podcast, good luck walking down the street.

Starting point is 01:05:07 He's the new kind of icon that way. And all he does is talk, but you're not seeing a character. You're seeing a real person. You're seeing the authentic motherfucker. And there's something about authenticity. It used to be, you created a persona and we fell in love with that persona

Starting point is 01:05:26 that you only saw for five minutes on a talk show, once in a blue moon. And you better catch it or it's gone. And you better catch that movie because they got all the lights and everything else. Now, now you gotta be on a podcast. And if you're not authentic, if you're not telling the truth,

Starting point is 01:05:43 you get found out because human beings can read behavior. Human beings can see whether you're telling the truth or not, you can see it. And when you're a phony and you try to get by, you try to start selling something, you're on there for the wrong reason. You're doing a podcast for the wrong reason. See ya.

Starting point is 01:06:04 So it's in that sense, I like where we're at. I like where we're at too. Yeah. I'm happy you came down to fucking Jersey, cocksucker. It's good to be here, brother. What's the name of the special? Man Tears. Fucking beautiful where you at this weekend.

Starting point is 01:06:18 This weekend, I'm at the San Jose Improv. Beautiful. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I got Spokane the weekend after that. Spokane Comedy Club, have you done that place? No. You gotta do those clubs. Tacoma Comedy Club, beautiful.

Starting point is 01:06:29 I'm not letting Washington State, I got warrants. Then why does that bring me closer to you? I'll be out here in Bridgeport at the Stress Factory October 13th, 14th, 15th. Or maybe it's 15th, 16th, 17th. I don't know, look at it at bryancaland.com. I appreciate you, brother. I appreciate you too.

Starting point is 01:06:44 I love you too. Congratulations on everything. Thank you, bro. It's been a tremendous couple of years. I love you, cocksucker, stay black and I'll see you Monday. Tip top, Magoo. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors.

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Starting point is 01:08:02 Again, that's fitbot.me slash joey. That's 25% off your subscription or try it for free at fitbot.me slash joey. The join is also brought to you by DraftKings. I don't know how many times I gotta tell you. This is the season to be fucking jolly. If you wanna jump up and down, this is it. Between NFL football, college football, the UFC,

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Starting point is 01:09:32 Now do me a favor, download the DraftKings Sportsbook app, download the DraftKings Fantasy app and go win some motherfucking money. I wanna thank DraftKings. I wanna thank BetterHelp and I wanna thank Fitbot. But most importantly, I wanna thank you savages for supporting the podcast. Stay black, I love you,

Starting point is 01:09:51 and I'll see you cocksuckers Saturday at the Sony Theater. Or next Monday, Tip Top Magoo, stay black.

Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #196 | BRYAN CALLEN | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

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