Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #196 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 17, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt solo! This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 07/17/2014.

This show is sponsored by NatureBox where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey that's naturebox.com promo code joey. This show is also sponsored by onnet.com. Go there for alpha brain, shumtech immune, shumtech sport, they got uh they got the protein powders anything like that. Mention church and get 10% off and go to naileditlife.com for the all the oil and wax smokers out there for the premier vapor pen on the market. Go to naileditlife.com mention joey ds and get 20% off of vapor pen. Are you kidding me or what? June 17th the day the

devil was fucking lit on fire and stuck in somebody's fucking muffler. It's a beautiful day to be alive. It's Thursday 6 a.m. 603 604. Who gives a fuck? The most important thing is that we're here. Who's counting? Oh shit. Oh shit second-hand aerosmiths get your wings they start off studio go fucking live. Where you gonna get that type of action there? Like I said welcome to the church or what's happening now crank that motherfucker league crank that motherfucker league what? Look at Lee Wigglin he's all excited about Vegas. Oh shit. Better just don't tell myself whoa. Listen to those motherfucking cuts. Little Joe Perry at six in the fucking morning. Fuck that shit Lee. You sexy motherfuckers way to cut it Lee you just

fucking cut it. You didn't even do a fucking dragon. No fucking no. Slowing nothing. Cut it. What's happened you beautiful motherfuckers welcome to the church of what's happened now. It's a beautiful day to be alive fucking Thursday July 16th. What can I tell you you got the world by the fucking balls. That's all I can tell you right or wrong. What did he say? Was it yesterday or today like you have big balls in the neck brace? I'm showing up with a big dick in the neck brace motherfucker just in case don't get confused. Just in case you swallow this fucking helmet your neck goes back. I got you covered you know what I'm saying. Oh it's for her. Yeah what do you fucking think the neck brace is for? That's romantic of you. Unless your name is fucking

Chad or something like that or fucking Corey. Oh okay. Something like that you want to go hang out with the boys you know what I'm saying. That's it it's fucking here. It's July 16th you're sitting around scratching. Look at Lee scratching his head. Oh I got like 10 minutes. I already gave him 500 milligram anti-dolaris edible. I gave him a little corner or the fucking oh it's not at least 100 probably right 80. Yeah you took a little fucking piece. I had two big pieces. I gave you 30 milligrams. It's always 30 milligrams. You should have a line of edibles and it's just everything is 30 milligrams. Everything is always good. Everything's beautiful. Check it out. There's a nice little look if she don't even put in the bag for us anti-dolaris that's why I love it. It's a

chocolate death bomb. You could fucking throw this on Palestine. I wish they would. I'm fucking believing. We're here with queer. We didn't do yesterday because I had the uh fight companion so what's the fucking difference? I'm gonna do part two podcasts or one day for and kill myself. Let's spread them out. I hope you enjoyed them a lot. People mad at me all the time like you didn't talk. You were all high. I wasn't either. When you're in a room with two fucking got one guy that's a commentator. No one's a fighter. What am I gonna say about a fight? What am I gonna throw my two cents in? My stupidity in? That's where you go back to fucking trains playing in automobiles and you go back to Steve Martin. What could Steve Martin have done in the presence of junk candy?

He would have got squashed. What was he gonna say? So all you could do was do his little body language. There's a couple people they called it. They were like hey man you like Muhammad Ali. You rope-a-dope a bitch and you just throw a punch when you need to and that's what I like to do in that presence. You have to know when to strike unless then you become too overbearing. So I don't want people to think I was too fucking stoned or whatever. I don't like podcasts when you have four people trying to talk. Yeah. You know they're a conjunction type podcast. It's fun for a while but it's different but I want people to understand where you stand in that. If you're in a room, if you're doing a basketball podcast and you got Julia Serving and Magic Johnson on the

fucking table, what stupidity are you gonna add to this? Yeah. What stupidity could I possibly add to that tape? I could add a little color to it so please. It's not that I was stoned or I was just trying to be quiet. I was just listening and watching paying attention. Some good fights and you know what? And it's not even just because you were on it but I watched the full fights with the fight companion. That's a pretty cool way to watch a fight. I mean it's not as in-depth as when Rogan's on like the the pay-per-view but it was interesting. Well they go on other tangents. Yeah. You know which is always good too. But listen man, anything that helps you that makes a performance interesting? Yeah. I knew it was going to come down to that. One of my friends told me T.J.

said that Rogan should start a podcast where he commentates along with the with the UFC or whatever the fuck it is. I could see the UFC going to it because I'm sure there's a lot of fans who and just because I didn't hear them because I had the podcast up. I'm sure the commentators last night did a great job but when you have Rogan doing it for song you have people who are really loyal to him and I could see since everything's on the internet is heading towards being on the internet fuck it. You have three choices of commentators if you don't like the ones we have for free. Rogan's on here for an extra buck or or a fucking they have another UFC fighter on there on a different one. They could probably have three or four teams. It'd be interesting. Very intelligent.

That's uh I never looked at I had a great time you know it was the first time I met Brendan Schwab fucking hell of a nice guy you know it's amazing that three of my friends are 26 years old and I've been thinking about that all night. He's 26? Yeah he's gonna be a baby too right? He said look him up. I can't tell on this computer but I don't have a fucking computer. It's just really weird that you guys are uh a 26 years old. We got into that conversation a little bit on Monday while I was saying that I've been thinking a lot about that lately how I had nothing zero zero going on at 26. At 26 I was coming out of fucking prison and the only reason why I had the things I had was because of the girl I was with. It wasn't because I was I was like I said I was

making seven thousand a month before I went to prison and having a hard time paying rent. Like I would have to hide from the landlord for fucking three days because I didn't have the money to pay rent. I always had to get in advance from my job that's how fucked up my money situation was that I was I knew how to pay rent and I knew how to pay bills and everything. I just didn't want to pay him you know I didn't want to pay anything on time. I had a did I have a credit card then yeah I had a visa with like a five hundred dollar limit that I paid you know yeah how old is he he's 31 yeah he's close close yeah five years away 31 26 it's it's it's really fucking no difference but it's amazing how I that day that you had mentioned it that I had spoken to you about

I went home and I was like wow Lee in the Augustine and all these young guys at least they know what the fuck they want to do at 26 they're in the ballgame you know I bumped into somebody at the airport the other day and uh we're bullshitting and he asked me a question he goes that he didn't he felt really bad about asking anybody else this you ready for this what he said to me goes what when do you when do you realize you're gonna leave your house did you before you went to college did you think you were leaving boston yeah you knew that already did you want to go away for college well I uh that was maybe one of the mistakes I made I went to a school in Boston it was a good film school I didn't I didn't particularly enjoy it I kind of wish I went to

Drexel and Philly even though it wasn't as good of a program just to get out of Boston but and it's a little bit different for me because I went to film school so the only places you can go really are New York and LA so it wasn't really even a choice there's some people who stay in Boston but and and good for them but they don't really end up doing anything how old were you and you knew you were gonna leave Boston honestly honestly when was the first time it crossed your mind I don't know about leaving Boston I don't I don't remember that thought but the joke in my family is that since I was two I wanted a job an apartment in a car I've always wanted just to be older and out I've never and I had a great childhood but it's just I've always wanted

to be out and on my own and it's a it's just luckily love I mean for me I feel lucky that it was easy or for me there were the reasonings of you wanting to leave your hometown I mean you're a nice kid you never got arrested you have no warrants no drug problems I mean what was the reason that you think there was more out there did you think that yeah I was born in my hometown and it's a great place to raise kids but there's like there's nothing to do there's a blockbuster there's no there's no like you said you could hop on a bus to New York to get on a bus I would have had to go on like 30 40 minutes down the road there's nothing where I grew up so how far are you from downtown Boston 30 40 minutes it's I mean it wasn't that far but it's just there's

nothing and if you don't when I turn 16 maybe that's probably one because when I could start driving and I could go into the city and go do stuff that was probably around the age when I knew I was gonna leave because when I was in San Jose that was I went to original Joe's for breakfast not at the airport oh they're having at San Jose airport and some guy came over because I listened to the podcast I had a couple few situations this week I had that situation where he came up to me he goes can I ask you a personal question I didn't know what the fuck was gonna come out of his mouth at eight in the morning and he goes when did you know you wanted to leave your hometown and I thought about it for a few days I'm gonna give you the reasonings

I never thought I was gonna leave New Jersey or New York I didn't know something else existed I had been to California I'd been to Miami and Florida I'd been to Puerto Rico you know I'd been to Michigan for a bitty basketball tournament I'd been to up and down the east coast driving back and forth to Miami as a kid you know making that run with family or whatever I never knew what life was like I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I had been out here with my uncle and I remember the rocks and the beach and Dodger Stadium but not enough to make me want to leave nothing was enough to make me want to leave right yeah New York I can't imagine wanting to leave no then after my mom died I started looking around and I no no even then I

didn't think so really one day I was talking to Jimmy Bender the first family I moved in after my mom died and I asked Jimmy up there was a trucking company named Florida in Texas that was the name of the company that's where they went no no it was just a trucking company Florida Texas freight or something like that it was called when I was a kid I still think they're around Florida Texas Texas Florida something like that and I said it to him I go Mr. Bender do you think I gotta go work at Texas Florida Florida Texas and he goes you could do whatever the fuck you want he goes that's an interesting question he always because he didn't hear the whole question he goes I always thought my one of my sons or my daughter would leave he goes none of them

ever left he goes but it'd be great just to go look outside the country because I never thought about doing and I remember looking I'm going no Florida Texas the trucking company goes yeah you could do whatever you want to do but he had already said that to me yeah you know so I I remember thinking about it and then that's that was the there's always a silver lining and I figured out 30 years later when I robbed that jewelry store when I was a kid and the cops were looking for me I had to go to Sarasota Florida for four weeks yeah and it's it's knowing without once you know you could live without something you don't know you never know you never know like before I went to prison I'm like oh no reefer in prison I'm not gonna make it and after the third

night of no reefer that's it I adjusted there was no sense in crying there was no sense of yelling or talking about it nothing could help we grow through the fucking prison walls so what the you know I'm saying once you realize you could live without something it's like people always break up after somebody takes a vacation or something because once they realize I didn't really fucking miss you I didn't really fucking think about you in fact I was happy you weren't around that makes sense you know I'm very happy that you weren't around once people realize that they could do without something it's crazy and I'll tell you what I love North Bergen I love where I'm from I love a majority of people I grew up but I knew something that always killed me there's

something that kills me about people there's two things I can't tolerate white trash I can't tolerate the mind thought the mindset of white trash they grow up they get a job and they play the handout and they don't even play the handout you know I was surrounded by white trash in North Bergen uh good people you know I'm not saying nothing bad about them good god-faring Americans you know that's not it but I always felt that their dreams were too small in fact I don't think they had fucking dreams I see that more now that I'm out here I didn't see it when you see what I'm saying to you and that bothered the fuck out of me I call white trash to people a person who doesn't have a dream somebody who comes up to me and says guess what the almond brothers are at Atlantic

City you know we're gonna party out and I look at them and I see how excited they get and it brings pain to my heart yeah it brings that much pain to my heart you know that that little like the the almond brothers aren't even together no more like that I think they retired but not even like the original band right you know it's like you were talking to me before about Pink Floyd like 18 people have hit me up already and so are you excited about Pink Floyd you want me to tell the truth not at all I haven't even fucking thought about it I don't give a fuck you know I really don't give a fuck if they put a new album out or not well I buy it who the fuck knows I might put it on but I don't want to see that stuff it's like you were saying to me do you want to go see

Aerosmith and slash at the Coliseum or whatever are you fucking crazy are you fucking crazy you know I saw Aerosmith when Aerosmith was Aerosmith and they were never even Aerosmith because anybody who knows when you went to see Aerosmith went to heroin they were horrendously bad we paid to see this band that was a superpower and they were horrendously bad because of the drugs and I don't know how they are now people you know nobody's gonna pay $55 for a ticket and tell you a concert sucked yeah do you know what I'm saying it's against their whole thing they're not gonna pay $100 and especially now a concert's $300 they're not gonna come back and go oh man that sucked no they're gonna come back but back to the white trash thing I always felt

they had no dreams like even in high school you'd say what's going on north of man I can't wait for my father to get me this job in this warehouse I'm gonna get $18 an hour and that was it yeah they don't go on vacation they never leave New Jersey they wouldn't even dream of fucking leaving New Jersey at a little core that they belong to you know they get excited about the weirdest fucking things in my hometown in North Bergen there's uh you know at this point now there's maybe four fucking bars that these young kids could go to you know but who gets a fuck you're 10 minutes away from the greatest city in the world I mean that's the advantage of being from north bergen new jersey but you get people from north bergen and on friday night I'll go to the

fucking moose club and this is like a bunch of people that are all built like I am women they're as big as I am and they go down there and they talk about high school football and and they're stuck in that time warp yeah like that's the white trash I'm talking about that they're stuck in this fucking time warp of their mind that there's no dreaming there's no nothing they just coexist with life that works for a lot of people that wasn't gonna work for me are you jealous at all because I have some I never had a huge I had a couple friends in high school but not like a group of like six or seven I'll go on facebook now and I'll see that they're still hanging out and there are parties and I hate it all I don't want to be there but like

maybe 10% of me is jealous that they still like hang out and most of me thinks it's stupid but part of me is like I was like oh that'd be nice to still have friends from the high school but I don't I talked to one kid from high school that's it I'm very lonely but I'm very lonely because I want to be I'm very lonely at times because I want to be do you follow me yeah in my mind those kids I grew up with that was the best it got for me that was the best it would ever be for me and I never tried to duplicate that even hanging out with comedians if I hung out with four comedians the top notch comedians in the country they wouldn't give me as much humor as I did when I grew up with those guys and I know this going in right because they're not trying they worked on timing

everything was based on timing it was life they reacted to life and they were very funny about doing it I can't take back half those things now I'm not glamorizing that life or living in the past but those type of friends I grew up with enough that'll never happen again I love you and you're a good kid and I like the Agostino and I you know I just know that it was a different situation and it required a different type of friendship you know the cops are never gonna come knock on your door and go is Joey and you're gonna giggle in their face and get the fuck out of my face and slam the door that's never gonna happen in this lifetime yeah three people are gonna knock on your door and say where's your buddy Joey D is he robbed me you know and you're gonna go I haven't

seen him in two weeks fuck you if we don't have our money we're gonna beat the fuck out of you two in three days that takes a certain type of friend somebody would say fuck you I'll tell you where he is right now yeah these motherfuckers like you said what you better fucking choose your words fucking wisely you better choose your fucking words wisely you're not gonna do shit to me do you know it's it was different it was a different time yeah but I'm very lonely you know in that aspect because I could go to Hollywood improv and goof around with a bunch of people that at the end of the week who gives a fuck right you know I could go to a comedy store and again oh my god that's such a funny joke who gives a fuck when I get my call you're gonna talk about

how I do blow and how you know whatever the fuck mind fuck you may give yourself for why not you're achieving your goals and why not you're doing what the fuck you're doing so it was just really weird I just uh he asked me when I found out and I knew a year after my mother died I was getting a fuck out of that and it wasn't because I hated the people or you know like I said white trash to me are people that you see him and you know that you're gonna see him in 30 years and nothing changed and they're happy they're happy about it I always wanted more yeah I always wanted a challenge every day you know I want to get challenged every day when I wake up in the morning I want a different type of day you know people hit me up all the time they hit us up all the time hey man we have a

song for the church guess what take your fucking song and shove it up your fucking ass I don't want to hear your fucking song I'm gonna tell you why because if you know anything about me I can't do the same shit twice every day so why would I want to hear your fucking song every fucking day I appreciate that you took the time and writing it and I love you to death but push your fucking magic elsewhere cocksucker you know last night some dude was trying to get me to play warren's eve on did you see that conversation no you told me about it yeah can you play my buddy shot himself this week can you play warren's eve on listen to the first three fucking words of this song I gotta tell you something I would have shot myself too I would have shot myself in the

fucking head if I had to listen to that shit who's the other one you hate at the beginning of the podcast you said if you're trying to run a party I fucking hate that dude that's the dude that every party you go to someone some yeah let's put on zapplin and oh no no no let's put on I forget what the fuck I forget who it was but you hated him too he sounds like he's taking a shit all the time he's America sweetheart they all love him you know the Gentile nation you know anybody who wears the fucking the hat with Sinatra to the side they all fucking wanted that guy you know fuck you I'll put fuck anything on it compares to that shit every day that guy that sounds like he's taking a shit Rick Ramos likes him oh really we had Rick Ramos he's trying to turn me out to him

I heard him and then I call Rick Rick you're not fucking serious you're not fucking serious are you the fuck is that guy's name someone tweet at me if you remember I forget what the fuck is that guy's name I can't stand that shit yeah my buddy died can you play this song I forget the fuck that no wonder he died I fucking died too and he's like well if you can't play that song you can play this one I'm not gonna play that fucking song either that's Tom Waits Tom Waits oh Jesus Christ thank you inject truth that is the fucking worst that shit is the fucking worst garbage I have ever listened to in my life that is the fucking worst at least that white trash enough burger don't listen to at least the people I grew up with listen to real fucking music you weren't

allowed to fake the funk but you were not allowed to fake the funk at all and come up with like to be cute in front of some girl you know I'm saying yeah I don't know you know put on spring steam like you never heard that shit for somebody would stab you in the fucking neck there's a Sabbath house cock sucker get your shit together oh my god but it was uh it's just weird like to see those type of people that you just knew like and I loved them I'm not saying nothing bad about them that was their prerogative prerogative but they're gonna settle and I just didn't want to settle me you know yeah was that your mindset behind leaving or was your mindset yeah I just have always wanted I know it probably was but maybe I maybe I'm not smart enough to realize it yet

because it's still it's still only a few years ago um it moved fastly I know and but I always thought I'll tell you this I always started to be New York even after I was out here for a few months interning and then I went back I thought I'd be in New York and then I had a job in LA and I just I came out and now it's now it's home but I always said it would be New York you know and I always hated that also that other mind that other small minded thing about the guy you know like the guy like a mayor like the mayor in North Bergen he's a fucking putz you know I know when he was like an assistant principal at one of that Lincoln school the guys are fucking putz but if you go to North Bergen and the guy walks in and one people like oh I never had respect for that mindset

either yeah fuck that motherfucker that bitch puts his little pants on one leg at a time that's why I can never be like I saw Julia serving I saw Richard Gio when I was a kid I didn't give a fuck you know I would go up to him and shake the hand like I didn't say nothing to Richard Gio at a club and Julia serving was my fucking idol pretty much growing up but I would never my mom always instilled this thing in me like hey fuck them they put their pants on one leg at a time too yeah you know they they may be whatever they may be celebrities whatever the fuck they call them so but they put their pants on one leg at a time so I came in my home it was like when you have a job and let's say the guy's name is Jim and you're the assistant editor you know Jim always shows up

two hours after the eight o'clock shift he always shows up in a bad mood like he's just genius and he's always got something on his mind yeah and you're sitting there waiting for him to say something to see what kind of mood he's in before you react I always hated that fucking mentality I don't have that shit around me because I fuck what this guy thinks or what mood he's in you know my wife I love my wife to death but she's the nicest person in the fucking world like when she asked me how was the gym today I want to choke her like how could the fucking gym beat we think they were doing down there giving out her derv's it's a fucking lie my wife was people we said how was your flight my flight was shitty it was like every other fucking flight you're on you get on there you

can't wait for it to fucking end up for the plane to fucking hit every time you're on the plane you pray that the plane don't fucking crash that somebody don't smell like shit that somebody doesn't open up fucking hummus those are the five prayers you have when I get on the fucking plane that's the first thing I'm thinking how the fuck is a plane ride you know my wife I love my wife and my wife doesn't ask me how was your plane ride coming in oh spectacular you gotta see the rest of the people in the back stretched out scratching their nuts they're fucking sitting in the back like sardines how the fuck you think my plane ticket was you fuck on top of that I played 25 hours for luggage the fat fuck next to me was farting he was drooling on my shirt you know stop stop trying to give a

fuck so much how is the gym it was great the my hands smell like ass you know what the fuck yeah you put them on the fucking epileptical machine somebody scratch their ass you gotta I spray the fucking stuff on my hands yeah oh really after this yeah because at the Y they have paper yeah they have disinfectant spray and then they have like easy wipes I take the easy wipes I easy wipe I'm worried about them but I'm worried about my fucking hands when I jerk off or wipe my ass that's all I put his elliptical hand in my asshole next to you know my asshole is fucking moving back and forth when I'm trying to sit there with an elliptical germ ass you know fucking people put their hands in that fucking 24-hour fitness yeah how many fucking people you

think actually wash their hands no after they take a shit or they fucking take that dick and piss I don't mind if a woman scratches a pussy and shakes my hand I don't mind that shit at all you can shit president you can leave a fucking pubic hair in a crab in my fucking head fuck but these dudes you gotta assume so when I get off that elliptical I spray my hands I spray my fucking hands I go to the elliptical spray that shit I wipe it down nice and I fucking comb and I get in my fingernails nice everything because it's filthy out there it's filthy yeah I shower at home do you shower at the gym uh depends where I go if I go to the Y I just walk home yeah I just walk home why am I gonna fucking take a shower there with a bunch

of men in cold water and no towels and shit yeah and I gotta look at people's dicks and I gotta look at my dick I don't want to see that shit if I go to jiu-jitsu I just shot because I have my knee brace so I have to take off my pants push off the knee brace so I just drive off switch t-shirts get my car and shoot home and wash my ass when I get out of fucking call yeah that's the first thing something fucked up happened to me yesterday what happened and it's funny that you brought up high school so I've been working out and I work I set little goals for myself each day to either move the resistance up or to get to a different distance or a different calorie so yesterday I had a goal for 800 calories and I felt great when I when I was doing it I felt

really pumped up but my water was hot and I started really drink much of it while I was on the elliptical and I like chugged it when I got off because I was dying and when I sat down in the locker room I was sure I was gonna puke like I just I sat down for like 10 minutes and people were staring at me because it was kind of busy and I was just doing that breathing where you're like please don't puke and I thought about it and the only this was the first time I was gonna puke from working out well I joined freshman football in high school I never did pop order but I was trying to like do some stuff like that and I hated it so much that one day I pretended to puke because I saw some other kids had puked and they got out of practice like fuck if I puke I can get out of

practice so I pretended to one day but yesterday yesterday I was sitting on the bench at the 24-hour fitness sure I was gonna puke and I I didn't the only reason I didn't get up to go to the toilet was because I thought if I stood up it was gonna happen but I was able to calm myself down but it's just it's uh it's funny like oh like all I could think about on that bench was me going into the to the leaves and pretending I was puking in freshman football and it was just it's uh and now you really we're gonna fucking oh it was terrible 800 calories this is a lot of calories yeah I moved up I started out at I think 2-1 or 4-1 on the resistance and height and I was at 7-4 yesterday look at you you bad mother fuck any day now you'll be fucking riding a bicycle what

I do with the one nut what's his name Lance Armstrong any fucking day now you'll be calling me up from some mountain gonna guess what I'm with right now I'm a I'm a one nut get on one nut and we're about to take a turn over here it's fucking some pass I'm proud of you Lee look at you I'm trying yeah I had 20 pounds today and you like the 24-hour fitness I'm beginning to I feel guilty when I don't go but I'm not at the point yet where I I'm enjoying it but I tell you what helped me and it's probably I would probably go harder if I wasn't doing it but I don't think I would do as much or keep going every day I bring my iPad and I watch movies now because I saw another lady doing it saw the lady with a DVD player and I was watching 300 yesterday and I was getting

really pumped up and it makes the time go by so much quicker for me forget what's going on I'm a music guy I'm a music guy yeah do you get lost in it because I can't I get lost even with music I'm just like I just I just well if I try to switch up the music you know like I always bring a different album and my goal is to like hit the bag to the side of an album 30 minutes or like the other day I did like seven songs that were good in a row like there was three stone songs and like two Sabbath songs and one like that Benatar song with some shit I like you don't so I'll set goals that way yeah after a while that was 30 something minutes you know listen man I don't want anybody to think that when I tell them I like working out I fucking hate it yeah I fucking hate it too that's

why I like getting it over with yeah you know I like getting it the fuck over with yes I had to go to get to like this uh my buddy does these drills at his house and I had nothing going on so I said let me go shoot over there I didn't break much of a sweat but today I'm really fucking sore like stepping and you gotta step and stretch your leg and fall back and then do this fucking pendulum kick and it's pretty interesting that I know I have to do something every day I know it like I like to stretch also yeah do you stretch every time because I hadn't been stretching I tell you and my Achilles tendon has started to like tighten up so people said people saying some stretches to do yeah you have to stretch out stretching cold they say mm-hmm it's bad for

your muscles okay to stretch cold okay so a lot of times what I'll do is when I get out there I'll just loosen the joint my elbows my shoulder joints my hips my knees my ankles I'll loosen them a little bit right and let's say I just shadow box just shadow box twisting whatever once you break that sweat mm-hmm you're warmed up okay so then I do this is how I categorize everybody else has their own system people hate you and then you know that's after a 10 minute warm-up then I do a little light stretching boom boom boom and then let's say I'm gonna hit the bag I attack the bag while I do hip escapes while I do a couple exercises that I'm doing jiu-jitsu really break that sweat going you know and then I go for it then you go then after you work out I

too was not warming up was not stretching after the workout and I'll tell you what it saves your little soreness mm-hmm you don't get a sore and again I stretch everything my calves my thighs my hamstrings my glutes my back is very important I do a bunch of yoga stretches I do you know I this last weekend was very interesting because like I said I like yoga I like jiu-jitsu I like everything about jiu-jitsu I'm big for it and my movement is a little slow because of it I never wrestled in high school but that doesn't stop me I have different things like my breathing in jiu-jitsu is horrifying you know I've quit smoking the dope I've tried to and I know it's the weight you know 300 pounds is a lot of weight to move around so I understand so I've been trying to lose some weight

but the confidence thing for me in jiu-jitsu is my breathing that after two minutes if I'm on bottom and I do a couple hip escapes I gotta tap out right if I if I get on top of you and I go to submit you I gotta stop because I'm not breathing if you rolled your shoulder and it goes into my solar plex I can't breathe you know well I'm sure if you recorded yourself when you first started because you've been doing it for almost a year and a half something like that I'm sure you're a lot better at it the breathing has gotten a lot better but it's not to where I thought it would be so that's why I'm doing this dieting I'm doing a lot more cardio now and you know like I went to a doctor the other day I went to a specialized doctor he was a friend of a friend my and he told me

that my hips were sideways that's why I was having knee problems he was sort of a chiropractor plus oh okay fucking 250 fucking dollars you know and it's hysterical I don't know how people live their lives without insurance oh I have to get insurance now because I'm when I turn 26 I can't be my parents anymore so that's it it's over for you see that insurance it's fucking expensive how much minimum of 200 a month minimum and it's probably gonna be more than that that's 2400 a year for nothing yeah for nothing that's not no dental no vision yeah that's like a hundred dollar deductible off at the doctor's office or something like that and let me tell you something I don't want you to sign I don't want you to be a pussy at 26 I wasn't even thinking about fucking insurance oh yeah at

26 I didn't even think about insurance or doctors or anything but it's like it's it's fucking amazing how expensive it is like I thought this guy was gonna charge me 60 fucking bucks I didn't even have enough money on my ATM card I had to put on my visa card my wife don't even fucking know yet 250 dollars my wrist still hurts he said he adjusted my neck and some shit in my brain which is funny because that night I had to I had an experience happening in my sleep that has not happened to me ever before what happened I went to the doctor Tuesday I didn't have acupuncture I had a meeting in hollywood I couldn't make jiu-jitsu on the daytime I didn't make it back over the hill to 125 and they canceled my two o'clock so I was fucking pissed so I just

went home waited till my 330 and I had a 330 with him my 330 was at this fucking doctor okay so I get over I basically went for this doctor for pain my wrist pain I didn't know you're oh cool from the kettlebell and my knee is on fire again not as bad as it was before the shot so I've been taking it easy lately I've been trying to work out every other day like usually you work out two days on and two days off or two on one off two on and two off and one on you know I'm just doing every other because it's too much I could feel after the second day that my knee hurts right so this is just common sense I just switched up somebody gave me this advice where I would do by you know what the fuck we talking about but what happened when you were sleeping

so uh I went to this doctor and he adjusted all this shit and I got up in the middle of the night my wife was passed out I got up in the middle of the night to be and when I got back in bed I put my mask on I laid down and it was like I was getting too much air oh like I was getting too much air and all of a sudden I started feeling weird like it was too much and I'm grasping for air and I'm grasping for air and and it was too much and I had to get up and take my mask off and walk around I had to go like I was getting this reversed anxiety oh shit you know so I know the guy affected me somewhere another he must have touched something but he did tell me some pretty interesting things he told me to tape my mouth at night when I slept and I would lose five pounds a month tape your mouth

tape my mouth and just breathe through my nose because I breathe through my mouth yeah so he goes your oxygen is completely different from your nose from your mouth through your mouth you pick up a lot of dirt and everything gets dragged into your lungs through your nose you have a filter he was breaking it down and he said if you wanted me to light my cardio on fire in fact you got to put a program on my phone an app to get my heart rate okay because he goes whatever your heart rate is I want you to touch it when you just wake up touch it and whatever your heart rate is I want you to do 30 steps like you're going up steps and then stop and I don't want you to do it again so it goes right back to the original heart rate I don't care what you need to do and then he goes do 30

steps do five five to ten times and he goes your cardio will elevate you know and I also been doing breath of fire lately some uh what's that it's uh condolini yoga my man uh my man denny is a certified yoga instructor I worked with him this weekend a little bit and san jose san jose was great because I did that type of shit you know that's cool listen man I like all that nerd shit and I don't I don't like fear I hate fear in my life you know a lot of times I won't go to jiu-jitsu because I'm like I don't want to get stuck up today I'm not in the mood to not be able to breathe there's a period in my jiu-jitsu it could be when I'm rolling sometimes it could be when I'm doing a hip escape it could be when I'm doing a drill that oxygen disappears from my body and I

have this this sweat just totals over my body it's the weirdest fucking thing it just comes over me this little fucking skunk sweat and I feel it from my feet all the way to the top of my head it's just a light layer of sweat that coats my body does it happen every time every time that I run out of oxygen I think I'm gonna fucking die no no but does do you run out of oxygen every time you go to jiu-jitsu? every time I want at some point in my workout some point with the kettlebells I'll get that little joint to me while I'm like hold on one second my heart's going fast I gotta get my fucking brains to me and I and I do make my thing now I I'm not a doctor but have has anyone ever said you should get on some anxiety medicine or do you not want to like has that ever been

have you thought about it well about 10 years ago I got an anxiety medicine I was doing heavy duty cocaine and it wasn't working I would do the pills at the end of my cocaine trip at three in the morning four in the morning and I don't know I don't know it wasn't uh I went to anxiety for me was taken care of by Dr. Amy you know oh it helps yeah that's why I basically went to Dr. Amy for a long time was the anxiety and I noticed a difference like a month after I went to see Dr. Amy anxiety is caused now guys I know you people gonna hate me on Twitter and fucking send me messages this is my feeling anxiety is like a lack of confidence in the mind like it's like a brain fart for me it was like there was something else that was bothering me and

for me focusing on it so much it gave me this anxiety that's how I felt about it I could be wrong guys I think that's what it is for most people I could be wrong this is how it felt like for me and this is how it felt like for me after the anxiety had been taken away it felt like I had my mind had bumped into a problem that I couldn't solve and because of that I can't breathe my my tolerance goes up on a you know like uh if something happens right away I go to that place it's that you know I no matter what happens and the number one trigger of that was when I lost my breath like there's mornings I would just get to a fucking radio interview and I would walk up the stairs real fast and when I got to

the top of the stairs like the people be talking to me I go like hold on one second I gotta catch my fucking bearings to me it makes sense because I mean your body must think you're dying my anxiety would go up which make would make me feel like I was gonna pass out yeah so I think the acupuncture has helped my anxiety a lot a lot plus going to the gym you know like I said to you going to the gym isn't about listening to music and it's not about uh watching an iPad it's really about breaking down something you know a lot of times when you ask me a questions what do I say to you I'll tell you in a few days yeah let me work out a couple times let me work I'm not telling you that I'm gonna walk into that workout and from the time I'm doing kettlebells I'm thinking about Lee's

question it's gonna pop up in my mind it's it's uh it's kind of revolving you know when you have your iPod what is that called oh shuffle shuffle yeah it's on shuffle so not only am I thinking about mercy not only thinking about my knee but not only am I thinking about what jokes I'm gonna say not only am I thinking what songs am I playing the podcast boom I also have the thought that fucking Lee asked me you know what are we gonna do that we want to do this podcast you follow me that's where it all comes up that's why I like to work out that's why I like to walk that's why you have to meditate you know if you could just sit you know meditation isn't what people tell you meditation all the time it's like wow you have to go to a dark corner and light a candle and incense

and you got to take your shoes off and and put your hands like this and let the chivas and enter you and the fucking spirit of debt no meditation is what takes you away for 20 minutes yeah do I want you to sit in a fucking corner and go okay yeah if you want to be part of the Pepsi generation meditation is those 22 minutes at the gym that you sit there after the workout's over and you sit in the corner drinking that water and your leg is up and you're sweating and something comes into your body you got this you got the sense of accomplishment from finishing your workout and now you're going to your next hurdle and that's meditation when you're sitting in that corner after a workout and you're putting your socks on you know when you take your socks

off and you're about to take a shower but something makes you pop your head up yeah and you think about something a thought just entered your head yeah that's meditation that's that's really half the reason not half a quarter of the reason I'm excited about going to Vegas is because I know I get to drive and there you go for some people it could just be you know what I write this joke on the way to the gig I'm gonna be in a car for four hours anyway and it's funny because you say that to yourself today it's Thursday afternoon you're planning on leaving tomorrow yeah okay so the first time you're getting your car right and you're driving what are you thinking about the traffic this fucking jerk off look at this guy he cut me off you know whatever that I put enough money

that I leave enough cat food for the cat you think of all the exterior things you think of uh you can't believe they're still letting fucking kids in from Mexico uh you know you're thinking of all these things now you haven't heard about the kids this week from Mexico that's it really that's it they shine the light on it now they took the light off and now buses are tripled oh Jesus now the buses are tripled because if these people don't know there's gonna be like the marielle thing all over again this is marielle cuban 1979 yeah this is marielle cuban they're gonna send you kids but in between those kids you're gonna have shit and convicts and drug smugglers so we might get 60 thousand kids or whatever the fuck but 20 000 those kids okay you know 40 000 the fucked up little

motherfuckers that shoot spitballs and fucking you know fucking take a skateboard and go uphill so what are we talking about coxswain about meditating when you're driving meditation when you're driving so after the first hour goes away paula joey the podcast what happens after the first hour and a half your body maintains you breathe your breathing is fucking level because you're not doing jumping jacks same thing with meditation yeah meditation is all you're controlling your breathing I did that meditation for a while my dad was really into it yeah he went to classes look at it every day you know that things pop up in your life and you don't know what they are and some people refer to your meditation exercise or at the end of the day what are we talking about

an hour of your time where you dedicated to you has nothing to do with life or your fucking stupid fucking job or your stupid fucking wife or your stupid fucking kid it's an hour a day that you take care of yourself that the phone doesn't exist it's just you and the universe and your fucking shorts you know I can't uh Ari and I Ari was gonna call him today okay he went he just came from Montreal Ari's doing the this is not happening we're planning on doing this is not happening which I think is a great idea the reason why I like that this is not happening so much is because it makes me sit down and write something listen there's a difference between telling a story and telling a great story and telling a great story is you want the person to smell it if you

want to be a good storyteller remember what I'm fucking telling you I gotta have Lee smell it he's I gotta take him there I gotta bring him there for 10 seconds 10 seconds I did my job just as long as one part of that story really brings you there brings you there it takes you there you know so the the topics for this uh this is not happening are romance friendship childhood and danger romance ain't one of my favorite fucking topics I don't get it you know what I'm saying I'm not a handsome guy so I never really got romance too much danger is my middle fucking name childhood I told too many fucking stories about my childhood and friendship I know a little bit about this because it was introduced to me from a different

fucking angle friendship so I picked friendship you know and it's funny how Ari and I have been talking on the phone three times a day through the last 10 days and yesterday when we had the meeting with Comedy Central we had like uh what do you call this when everybody gets on the phone a conference call uh-huh I said to comedy I said to Comedy Central in front of Ari I go Comedy Central by the way Ari and I have been talking every day for the last 10 days and they were like really oh my god that's great I go we're really going over this I go because I'm his friend and I'm family so I have to be better than everybody else yeah do you know what I'm saying and you've been on twice before twice before I have to be better than everybody else and

it's so funny and when you write these so the difference with this one is it's going to be on TV yeah so they're gonna you're gonna have to we're gonna have to you have to take me somewhere you have the blogging still yeah you have to take me somewhere doing the story and then we're gonna send to Comedy Central we're gonna put a commercial on it to show us how it's gonna look oh we can rearrange the story to make it work with to make it work for the commercial break you know so funny that this writing has made me write other material like I was stuck writing material and ever since I've been writing this project it's so weird how I turned the story around and how I told what it was three weeks ago and what it is now I got this fucking itch on my back I swear

to god I'm gonna light this fucking t-shirt on fire it's so fucking itchy you want some more brown I see you ain't high I told you now I feel it coming but what's it coming it's all right what's coming you're looking handsome what's coming as a turkey sandwich it's up what would you stop with that fucking turkey shit's gonna kill you that fake fucking I know but it's fucking what else am I gonna get right now not turkey they gotta have something else so we talked about you writing this story so I'm fucking right the story for Ari and it's just amazing that after all these years of the comic I get more from I used to sit there to write a joke and that nothing would happen now I sit there and write the story for Ari and I write for jokes because there's no waste of time

yeah are you with me so I used to sit there before like with a pen in my mouth and say okay I gotta write a joke about Leah a little when he puts hair gel on right now I don't do that no more I actually yeah write the fucking story what's the matter who's paging you which what do you picture I'm fucking telemarker I gotta call you this one's from Cleveland Ohio I get one why are telemarkers calling your cell phone I don't know how did they get this number I think it's websites or the stores when even the stores make you give it to them every morning at seven o'clock I get something from some weird state Wisconsin and it fucking pisses me off they leave a message no they never leave a message the fuck you had to do with your life but you learn these

fucking people change my number we were talking about three good things and we forgot what the fuck they were I didn't forget you're supposed to conduct the fucking conversation I'm conducting I was I was gonna just Thursday morning July 16th except you are there cocksuckers get up wash your pussy deodorize it's gonna be a warm one today it's humid out there well these are really you want to eat the rest of this cupcake with me I want to take another bite I'm gonna take another bite fuck let's go for broke I'm in the mood to see the devil play it's cloudy out it's cloudy out what you got to do I have two other podcasts what time I'm not sure because it's Rick and Steve so you have no fucking podcast Steve worked until 6 a.m. he texted me right as I got here what was he

doing he was doing something for the espies or something and then I'm there until 6 a.m. were the espies last night yeah so there was a party afterward must be yeah yeah they had him at the after party shaking hands oh shit jumping up and down Steve Simone is a fucking hustler motherfucker yeah you know it's amazing how people you know you think that we're out here and this is a glamorous life and shit like that it wouldn't be so it would be so fucking glamorous what are we doing up at 445 you know the same fucking glamorous we do it because we love doing it but it's amazing how some people fucking work and some people don't work Lee Lee Steve Steve doesn't give a fuck that kid moves around I mean he goes to San Diego how I go to Hollywood yeah he just talks about San Diego

like it's nothing like I'm going to San Diego again he's in La Jolla every other fucking weekend I don't know how the fuck he does it yeah he's just I've known that that guy for a long time and he's one of the sweethearts of comedy when they do that special the sweethearts of comedy the sweethearts of comedy they're gonna have him on and on top of that he just you know he was doing security he's a guy that's a great comedian he just taped the cd and it never ends with him you know and that's how you have to be like people think like oh once I do this I'll never do this again you do it needs to be done what are you doing Lee you're scratching he has all I'm getting high so are you starting to get high yeah I can tell look at y'all giggling your heads

all red I caught you you were sitting there dreaming like a pizza and jack in the box or tuna fish sandwiches some shit yeah that'd be nice but uh it's amazing that I hope you people pay attention at home that this is not just you know Steve didn't have to be here at six in the morning Monday I could have just had him call it I called at seven I asked him to call and he goes no I'm coming in that's a work ethic and that's the work ethic that you don't see a lot out here that people complain I bumped into somebody on fucking Sunday Sunday I bumped somebody at Ralph's a comic and he asked me two questions he was very nice and then he went out on a tangent how he doesn't have anything that nobody calls him for anything and I said to him can I ask you a personal question when was the

last time I saw you he was about four years what have you been doing you know it's amazing how people don't want to do anything but they want the phone to ring yeah they don't want to do anything but they want the phone to ring if you want your phone to ring you got to put yourself out there you know I'm a I hate when comics think that all they have to do is go to the improv and get a cocktail and hang out and that's what they need to do no you need to listen I don't care if you go to the shittiest open mic out there it's still an open mic you're still around your peers you're still gonna be around eight to ten people that are in the same boat as you one of those ten people has a comedy show somewhere they do because they're trying to strive that person's

gonna call you but the only way for him to call you is guess what if he fucking knows about you yeah if he doesn't know about you I can't call you I hadn't seen this kid since he was like a writer for a tv show and I go didn't you get a job after he goes no they never call me back after that or whatever and I'm like do you get on stage he goes not really nobody gives me spots do you go down there not really because nobody gives me spots then what do you do I forgot you you forget about somebody and then all the time you would get mad at yourself and you get back on the gun you go I'm mad at myself I remember the dumbest fucking things but I forgot who the fuck that guy was yeah and I forgot about him because out of sight out of fucking mind it's

like anything else man if I don't fucking see you how are we gonna call you exactly so it's amazing the mindset that people have in LA and meanwhile Steve Simone is working the espies till six in the fucking morning you know yes I mean it's uh it's and it's nice to see with him especially because we when we started the podcast he like I don't know he was telling me about all the stuff and like you would feel bad but no he's he's happy and he's doing now we have the cd coming out if he couldn't complain he wouldn't be fucking happy if you know Steve Simone if he wouldn't complain he wouldn't be fucking happy so yeah you have it that that's the problem he's one of those guys just like my mother you know he bitches at you if he's busy and he'll bitch at you if he's if he's

not fucking busy yeah but he'll bitch at you more when he's not busy because he's not lazy fucking guy you know yeah and that's what you gotta respect out here you know all these people that you hear I I get requests from people this morning I woke up four messages on Facebook every one of them was either a podcast appearance or or a gig or something like that and the podcast guys a guys are looking for a quick hit like Cassius Morris Cassius Morris is the young kid yeah that kid works harder than most adults I know that's why I'll do whatever the fuck I need to do for Cassius because he doesn't give a fuck Cassius Morris is always interviewing somebody he's always at a concert he's always texting he's always fucking Facebooking you know he's got a dream

you know in 20 years Cassius Morris is gonna be fucking deadly he's 13 right he's at least 1315 somewhere he's he's a few years from coming out here but yeah he's gonna be here soon he's gotta go to college right well yeah probably unless he goes somewhere the fuck else he's gotta go to college well I give a fuck I just wish he does well I know he's gonna do well he's got that work ethic at a young fucking age just gonna do great who saw the fucking commercial Gabriel Glacius that was cool yeah one brain fit one one one brain fit are you gonna take the family go see that movie what movie oh Gabriel Glacius I'm so high I'm so high that you've been Philippe as far as this commercial yes okay have you seen Philippe as far as this commercial yeah on what can somebody please

fucking tell me what on on tv and tell him no no no because it's fucking l.a. they play Spanish commercials every once in a while and then I think he tweeted it it's on youtube well I'm so high I thought you said Felipe no I seen the commercial for Gabriel yeah that looks awesome if you guys listen to the show and support the show you know I break your balls about on it I break your balls about nature's box I break your balls about nail their life you know I don't ask a lot of you guys but do me a favor man if you get a chance just go see the Gabriel movie let's all fucking go watch and support him next week and I'll tell you why man there's this uh it's not who Gabriel is I love Kevin Hart I love anybody who has the balls to do something like that I never

had the balls to do a concert film like that and put myself on and Gabriel deserves more than anybody but it's what Gabriel stands for and for you people are sitting there going what does he stand for fat people Mexican what's he stand for he stands for a kid that had nothing he stands for a kid that was a kid amongst men I saw him standing around men as a kid insecure giggling with fucking braces on looking around a fucking room and he became one of the biggest men in that room and he didn't do it from stealing he didn't do it from lying he didn't do it with Twitter he didn't do it with a YouTube video he did it the old-fashioned way by being 500 pounds and getting on the plane every fucking Wednesday and staying out there and at the same time putting food in the

mouths of six other kids that have a fucking dream he puts them in a van he drives them all around the country whether it's Martin or Alfred Robles or the guy from San Antonio or his road manager Ivan you know he's taking 10 kids that had nothing giving him a life and I talked to Joe off camera yesterday Joe was asking me and then Joe called me on the way to Hollywood and we were talking about it and I said Joe uh Gabriel stands for that good comic I don't care what you think about him I don't care how you feel about his fucking comedy if you don't like the noises he makes but I like Louis CK you know I love what I understand that but if you're a good guy who had nothing and you worked hard and and if you believe in that you'll go watch this

movie if you believe that someday something good's gonna happen to you by getting up every morning and working hard what the fuck am I talking about here you like Joe what do I get up hard at work I build no no no no no you get up and work hard and you believe in yourself this kid believed himself and like I said he never fucking did nothing wrong and the reason why me and Leah in this room right now is because of gay brewery glaciers indirectly so that there it is there it is in a fucking nutshell and it'll be a funny movie and it'll be funny everything else is background music but this is not you know uh the one this is not an acting movie this is not a fucking this is a movie about a guy who sat in this podcast he did me a solid the way he did me

30 000 solids but he didn't just do me a solid he did this guy's done 300 people solids more than any other fucking comic I know and Joe Rogan's a very nice guy and very generous and Gabriel's up there you know and and this is why I'm telling you guys do me the fucking personal favor you know I mean what what else is coming out in the 25th there's something else no there's one other movie coming out I wouldn't go watch it you know I'm with Gabriel next fucking Friday I'm gonna fly into Reno and go right to the movies oh shit let's see here okay coming soon there's something else I'm telling you the Hercules Hercules I knew something that looks like garbage well you know people with a rock people want to go see that shit I wouldn't go see that shit and I like the

rock you know I got nothing against the rock no I just don't want to see fuck I like when the fucking old Italians played it oh yeah yeah Giovanni Mamahoni whatever his fucking name is yeah Steve Reeves wasn't Superman Hercules for a while probably yeah the original fucking Superman Lee got a life in this fucking thing up today where's the music cock suck you gotta hit me with something okay don't tell me don't not well watch I ain't playing you gotta pick something to light this shit up oh shit oh shit oh shit a motherfucking green day like a motherfucker that's right bitches get up what are you scared about kick this shit kick this shit Lee kick this motherfucker

you walk alone cock sucker get up grab your nuts salute the flag thank you fucking maker for giving you another day on this fucking rotten apple what the fuck am I gonna talk about here what what the fuck am I talking about lisa hey you're supposed to be conducting the whole I wasn't that when that music went off I'm not sure what we're talking about well let me give some shout out just straighten you out so you get your fucking banter to you I want to give a shout out to my main man Mike Levin Aaron Walner Aaron Walker that's his fucking name Sean Clark Danny Aki Wyatt Damelo Kyle Eggleston Chung Kennedy my main fucking Chinaman and Scott fucking black I love you cock suck all you motherfuckers I love you to all my heart

what Lee what so what you ate a fucking I'm telling you if you get an opportunity these 500 milligram brownies from Anthony Delores take it to another fucking yeah they're pretty strong you know I ate all the gummies or monos already how many they give you fucked up I know they gave you a bunch a bunch and they also gave me peanut brittle ooh the peanut brittle didn't even make it down from San Jose I don't smoke so I gotta pop on these things like by nine o'clock so the party's in my mind it's going you follow me I need the oh it's going it's going where's the music you're back sure I thought you were playing it what happened Lee you're slipping I'm gonna have to karate chop you the jugular come look at my man Brock Salada is making a

fucking comeback you know who Brock Salada is no neither do I I just fucking figured I run it by you just in case in case you got some bitches this shit eat the fucking brownie Lee you want to talk about it's a whole new brownie that's who the fuck you think you're dealing with some novice here that's how much of a one-gun you want to split a thousand milligrams before 8 a.m. that what let me ask yourself what would a professional do you think a professional would split the fucking do you think we know the piece I don't know part of me thinks you might part of me thinks you might not I think Lee you would do fucking beautiful another piece so I'd be sleeping right over there so what look it's beautiful you know you put the air on your own yourself you

got a blanket you know you sleep on your stomach you stay warm your little assholes up in the air look at the shape of your shit so what are you gonna do with the white this week and we're gonna see the wife I'm gonna drive back Saturday I'm gonna go there's this cool place on redondo beach pier that you can get like fresh fish and shrimp and you just tell them how like by weight how much you want like a deli counter and then cook it for you right on the beach so it's really cool we're gonna go do that Saturday and then paul's gonna come back with me that night and then the next day my cheat for my birthday is uh enchiladas which I'm pretty excited about come on yeah but it's uh it was I have to thank you because like we were talking yesterday and this is there's this

Italian place I like to go to in Vegas and I just said do you and Steve want to go and you're like is that really worth the 800 calories at the gym and I had to think about and it's not because of like 1400 calories and so I'm not gonna go but it's just uh you have to change your whole mindset so you know when you started this process when we were talking about this process for the last 30 days we went to Arizona remember we went to Arizona in Tampi, Meeh and Ari and we were talking to that knucklehead the one night and he's like well I already lost 52 pounds without even exercising oh really and when I walked outside the weight is like he's a fucking liar oh you know and and then and I didn't like that because listen 70% of it is diet okay 70% of it is diet

but the only way when you're losing the weight for it to really permeate in your mind is by making you pay for it yeah you have to pay for half of that weight you have to make yourself responsible somewhere whether you walk whether you run whether you do jumping jacks hey I love that you're starving yourself and that's gonna work and eventually that'll work and you'll lose the weight but you'll put it back on because you think that you could just do it by that I'd rather you keep it off right you know listen I'm fat right now but say what you want to say I kept off 100 pounds and nobody knows what the fuck I was eating except me and nobody knows how much I've sacrificed because at the end of the day I'm a fat fuck just like the rest of you motherfuckers at home

I cut when I bleed do you let me ask you guys you think guys really you know I had a white shit on this morning I left the house with a white shit on this morning but as I was leaving for breakfast instead of eating like usual fat people oh no no no no I gotta make a protein shake with 300 calories and no carbohydrates to get my day started so it kicks open my engine and what now so I got up this morning I drank some coffee I drank some water first opened my palate I fed the cats I drank some coffee I smoked a vapor pen you know I fucked around the computer I took a shower and I made the shake and I made the shake and I was shaking it up and I put the white t-shirt on and I flipped over and boom it spilled on my fucking shirt now I'll go home and my wife will

have either one egg scrambled with fruit and a piece of wheat bread or a one egg yolk two pieces of thin bacon and one piece of wheat bread and that's my breakfast you guys want me to lie to you and tell you that's the breakfast I enjoy if that's the breakfast I woke up this morning dreaming about a fucking protein powder made with water and one egg scrambled with green peppers in it and wheat toast I'm not I'm not saying I love when my wife makes me anything but that's what you think I want for breakfast you're fucking crazy right you know I want a cheese omelet I want a steak I want white toast three pieces six slices I want fruit I want potatoes home fries burnt you know I want coca-cola with ice cubes fuck the water fuck your juice you know that's what I want

that's what I want for lunch oh please how many first off which lunch the 11 30 or the one o'clock which lunch are you referring to because I'm a fat fuck I'm a real fucking deal fat fuck I will blast a joint at a quarter to 11 and by 11 30 what do you want to go a little Mexican two tacos some rice and beans and a couple fucking enchiladas and a couple cans of coke and then at one o'clock I could hook you up again with a Chinese special from anywhere that's just me on a fucking regular day maybe about three we go for a shake somewhere nice Mexican Robbins the big one who gives a fuck about little one who's worried about milk and gluten free and all that shit then go home and see what the wife cooked up I could eat that two

three servings smoke a joint watch jeopardy and by 8 39 o'clock I could be at a sushi place thrown down with the best one two three rolls a couple slices fuck you and your salad a couple more cans of coke pick up that diabetes and then I could go home and turn the tv on and smoke two or three more fucking bomb hits and guess what I could do at night too at midnight I could probably put together another ham and cheese sandwich on toast with mayonnaise a few chips and another can of coke so you're talking to the wrong fat fuck yeah you're talking to the wrong fat fuck I could run with the best of anybody in the fact of vision you know you're talking to the wrong fucking guy can you do something like that oh my god what would be your ideal day the truth right here the ideal

day lay lay on me all right you wake up at eight what time do you start inhaling fucking food see I'm not a huge breakfast without rifa without rifa tell me I'm not a huge breakfast person but I'm going to go with my ideal day give me the ideal day and I want this is the vines included this is the milky ways okay this is the donuts this is the chips the nachos give me your ideal day if if I gave you a million dollars in the bank and you just didn't give a fuck if you weighed 600 pounds you don't want you don't want me to be munchies because munchies makes it worse munchies too I want everything all right so about well okay I was gonna say a bagel with locks and cream cheese because I just fucking amazing but if I'm being bad it would be going probably to mcdonald's

yeah probably mcdonald's getting two egg McMuffins and two hash browns because you put the hash browns in the egg McMuffin and it's amazing uh yeah I probably at least one bag of chips or something maybe between breakfast and lunch at around one or something I wouldn't I wouldn't go crazy and then for lunch I would love a california burrito which is just a burrito but they put french fries in it it's fucking amazing and two tacos two small tacos uh definitely a couple sweet things after that at least two or three and then dinner a whole milky way bar no no no big one I'm thinking about when I used to work in an office and they had like small little snacks but uh I'll tell you the worst in a second and then for dinner let's say

I order uh general gosh chicken but you have to order the the dumplings with that because well you can't it's like you can't walk on one leg as you would say right no I ain't managing and then the worst was for like a month or two I always had that so maybe I don't know whenever right before I died I'm always like it's the worst I would go to 7-eleven and get two packs of Reese's sticks and two gummy bears and that would probably end the night that's when I would go crazy with the sweets later and all day dad coke throughout the day all day not a sip of water no no sweet coke no no and it's not for calories or anything I just I like the taste better how many dinners would you eat usually one but I fuck I've had the days where 11 o'clock you go and make

some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I've been single so it wasn't like I anyone was gonna see I would it must be harder with Terry what's that like I feel a little bit self-conscious if I would like what if I like if Paula was there and like at midnight I was gonna go make a sandwich I would think twice about it I didn't give a fuck yeah but I've had the I've never had multiple like full dinners but it's always like a peanut butter and jelly I can have multiple dinners I could eat a couple different people's houses like I can't lie to people I'm sure I could have done it but yeah I could do it every day breakfasts and I'm not but the whole time I didn't talk about cakes I'm not a cake guy yeah I would eat a donut from Yum Yum's once a month you know a good chocolate

coconut donut once a month I love pumpkin pie but I don't eat it all the time you know I was always beggars I was always choosing my diet okay so I know if I do one thing I can't do them all I know that the thing that kills me the worst is sugar sugar kills me the worst at this age right now okay anything I do with sugar definitely tax on it's not going anywhere if I eat a whole chicken that goes away okay I could eat one little piece of candy and it sticks around like fucking herpes it's fucking crazy when you're watching this shit and take a look at this shit yeah and it's great I mean I think the point of that was just like what you look at now and you have to keep your portions down yeah and it'd be great to go to the strong bullet like for me it'd be great

but it's like I'm not gonna spend 10 hours in the gym three hours in the gym it's not worth it it doesn't taste that good that I think that's what they people mean when they say nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels I think that's bullshit I think nothing tastes as good to make you work out being skinny is overrated yeah I mean you know uh food is fucking tremendous yeah when you when you sit and you with your family and you especially if you're an ethnic family and I'm about everybody fucking likes to eat you know everybody likes to fucking eat and and like I told Lee oh yes I think we're talking about lifestyles you know I didn't know about lifestyles changes I went to weight watches with Rick Ramos that's when I found out about what a lifestyle change was what you

have to do differently and I'm not angry I needed to do this you know uh I knew when I left the east coast that there was a bunch of foods I was never gonna eat again I knew it because I'm I'm so hard headed and so old school that I'm I'm so old school that I knew I would never eat them again like I'm like anybody else I love eating late night we all love eating three in the fucking morning after a bar but I won't do it here you know in a couple years you know we went one night after the haha we all went to Denny's Denny's yeah three of us got sick but at the other point where where would you go we wouldn't go to Denny's that night there ain't nowhere to go this isn't like I'm in Los Angeles in the valley and I'm telling you people beside Denny's where are we gonna

go to eat anywhere else we are now I guess maybe in and out burger what time does that now stay open to I think this one's until two or two you know I don't want to eat a fuck I'm going to those fucking diners and having a cheeseburger deluxe fuck you sleep like a fucking baby afterward but where the fuck am I gonna go to Denny's for one of those murder burgers you go home you go to sleep and two hours later you're waking up you can't fucking sleep you're shitting you know a Chipotle Bowl we'll do that to everyone this week there's nothing worse than fucking going to bed and getting up in the middle of night with a stomach ache and you're shitting and you cursing God and you're puking and you're shitting your assholes on fire now you've been shit for 45 minutes who's gonna

go back to sleep you're in shock your assholes been sitting there fucking in shock at three in the morning you just sit on the couch watching fucking the news with your feet up in the air with a robon freezing and you're like well I'll never go to Chipotle again a little fucking too late you just lost the day's work you're sitting there like a mook you know you're fucking dehydrated because all the fluid came out of your asshole with that soap bowl the same company owns McDonald's they got a line around the corner and meanwhile you're self-conscious and you're fucking taking care of yourself go fucking yourself you dumb motherfucker you want to take care of yourself go to honet.com that's how you fucking take care of yourself it's not a fucking supplement

it's an optimization program it brings out the best in you they start with the hemp force protein they start with the alpha brain those are their fucking catalyst alpha brain is what makes fucking alpha alpha alpha brain is what makes honet tick you understand me what's in it what the fuck do I know I look like a scientist to you do I got a white robot all I know is you have good dreams it makes you focus more you become more alert to your fucking surroundings blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah try it if you don't like it you get your money back and you have to send the rest of the product back one time you could pull that fucking scam don't think you could pull it back every other fucking week you're buying you get your fucking money back

so loosen up cock suckers number two they also have kettlebells and ropes and anything to make you a better human being all around is it going to help you with your character you're going to stop shoplifting from fucking Walmart no you're still going to be a nasty piece of shit but you'll be in bed the best shape of your life your mind will be thinking fucking clearly and that's what you want from yourself go to honet.com right now go to the box and press in church church ch urch get 10% off your order plus they put your mailing list your other discounts are the crazy stuff look into on it on it before you go to GNC under these other companies look into on it they got the best of the best in their products i wouldn't fucking lie to you i i fucking swear by

them i live by them i go to jujitsu at 12 30 i pop two schroontex at 11 o'clock that's how i roll motherfuckers i go on the alpha brain 30 days on 30 days off when i'm writing when i'm performing i got a heavy tour schedule i suggest the same to you go to honet see what they got available to you they also have to stay on the program like dollar shave club where they mail it right to your fucking house monthly you don't have to leave the house number two if you guys didn't notice or if you're living a coma or if you're fucking dead i was in the fight companion last night when i went up there first thing i did was go in the kitchen and i started devouring the spicy pistachios and uh they have these new kernel corn something naturesbox.com has the best snacks

on the fucking market do you understand me those habanero maple pretzels will fucking put you in a different dimension nature box nutritionless approved it's a snack you don't have to get up no more and go to fucking uh into the thing in your office put a dollar into the machine fuck that noise what you're gonna do is go to naturesbox.com select what snacks you'd like to have open up a couple bottles you know change it up before different one thing get the cocoa covered almonds which i love get the chili lime pistachios or the uh uh pepper pistachio get the black and white granola get the the habanero pretzels guys anything that they have is good for you great ingredients nutritionless to prove you put them in your desk in there you can eat them

you want to mix them up a little piece of fruit they are delicious if you order naturesbox.com through us the first time the first time you get 50 off your order so you might as well fuck them and he has really fucking good this time and get a bunch of stuff you get 50 off and then after that read whatever the fuck they do anyway go to naturesbox.com go see what type of snacks they got i swear to god i'm a fat fuck these snacks do not disappoint you understand me they do not disappoint try those habanero maple fucking pretzel things they are delicious go to naturesbox.com and press in joey joey joey y get 50 off 50 off mother fuckers from your first daughter you understand number two last weekend i had the pleasure last thursday night of hanging

out with the nailed it life guys my man peter and dave and i gotta tell you something they are the most pleasant guys in the world i did a couple dabs with them i told me i got fucked up i went in i had a great show they gave me some of the goomy bears uh i have some of the uh vapor pens at the house there's another one i i use here and i gotta tell you something it's the best vapor pen in the market go to nailed it life.com see what they got to offer you i know you're gonna love the vapor pen if you mention me you get 20 off your first order get the nail that this is this is the number one wax fucking vape pen out there i ain't messing with wax and oil wax and oil wax and oil i'm sorry thank you not not uh the other one wax and oil so go to nailed the life.com see

what they got to offer you get it sent right to your house and you get ready smoke oil whatever the fuck you want to smoke bazooka juice stomach your powders whatever the fuck you want to do tell me something good will you want another piece of brownie no thank you are you good no thank you i like how he says that no thank you interesting podcast they just us two talking about leaving your home dieting whatever the fuck you want to talk about a kick to the head whatever the fuck you want to talk about with you i'm high too i know i wouldn't expect you to oh my god drink some water i'm getting ready for tomorrow i'm headed for las vegas you know lee's been pushing it all week hey get this guy at least from vegas i'm not that big of a vegas guy i know

i do really good shows there have a great time in vegas lee's coming steve simon's opening for me i know that i'm gonna eat well tomorrow i heard that the south point has to get great seafood uh not a buffet but a seafood restaurant and i'm very excited to be on anime junkie tomorrow i'm also going to be on some fucking news channel 11 30 in the morning then i'm gonna hang out i'm gonna see my main man mario arias you know how long i know mario arias for how long sixth grade yeah he's gonna have some tremendous stories for you tomorrow oh is he the basketball coach no he's uh a kid that was just a kid i was in sixth grade with nice to get in front of the class and sing songs and we all got playing called playing hooky he got caught in one division with he used to play hooky with

two girls him and another guy in two broads they were both fucking them in the sixth grade they were both playing hooky at this girl's house and they were both fucking uh two girls they go home with a pair one would fuck them on one bed right in front of each other in the sixth grade nice neighborhood uh jesus christ they don't fuck around in north bergen even though they're white trash whatever the fuck they are i know some people from north bergen listen to this going joey how can you call this white trash i'm not saying it was all white trash but there's a big big fucking number you guys are white trash that's just the way it is i ain't mad no but i'm not ashamed if you guys see i even had my north bergen shirt on i repped that motherfucker it was just the

mentality the mentality of you already have a predetermined job by the time you're 18 it was the mentality by the time you were 35 you already have an idea what you're going to do with those guys don't change that's what that's what my story was i never wanted an income ceiling i know that some years i was in the may 10 000 but i also wanted the option to make 30 million if i if the situation ever arose you know i never wanted to be at the same place at the same time every day of my life that was a decision i fucking made you know i could have got a job in an office i would have probably been running an office today whether it's a telemarketing office a sports betting office it don't fucking matter i would have still been fucking running an office today these are the

things i could have done i just wanted something different out of my life i wanted every day to be different sales is one way of doing that you know but i still had to go to the same fucking spot every day you know so uh i'm very fortunate that i got to do what i love you know and i like come upon it you just keep fucking swinging you keep trying you don't settle you don't not settle you know lee went to school for editing lee was up here for editing lee you like it and you could do it for a job do you think you'd be doing that 35 i don't see it hope not no you you would do it for money yeah not because you don't love it no more no you don't love it at all you couldn't you can't wait to get behind editing bay that's you i could i like it's kind of like what you

were saying i i got really i really didn't like the the system that was going on how they treated people and then being somewhere for 70 or 80 hours a week and you're only helping someone else like you're not really helping yourself i didn't feel like i was doing anything like i wouldn't get any credit for a show if it was good or bad so like why not try to make the money for myself you know it's amazing that i've been scared a lot but that was the one of the times i was scared the most when i knew that i had to get a job and i knew that uh you have to get a job you know and that's a lot of people i i get it i get it that's why no life isn't you have to get a job you know people always send me emails oh joey i really want to do comedy or i really want to

join the band but i get it but you gotta get a job you can't just get in a band and hope your dream takes you there you're gonna have a window you're gonna have a three year that you gotta make a fucking living so what are you gonna do yeah you might have a girlfriend that helps you out for now that's not gonna last that girl's gonna come home one day and wake up and go this guy's a fucking loser he's on my couch i'm bet he works 10 hours a week he's complaining he dresses up like he's fucking richie zambora but meanwhile he's a fucking mook you know so you gotta do something so you gotta get a fucking job it's not fair but you gotta fucking work right i mean i didn't like it either i did both i was a criminal part time and then when i didn't want to be a criminal for

a couple weeks i do i get a fucking job for a few weeks what are you laughing about lii i'm not laughing look at the shape of you lii how stone do you right now i can see that your eyes that oh yeah you're out there oh yeah my eyes you're mo moed up oh yeah and they're not red i'm not talking about that your eyes are red closed no they're not even closed oh you're just zoning out on me you're like jim miller right now after you got kicked in the head oh no you're just looking at this shit oh that was terrible anyway i hope you enjoyed the podcast today i hope uh it's not gonna happen again on thursday we just i never want to double up on podcasts and shove this shit down your fucking throat this is something for you to watch as an entertainment level what do you think

lii tell me something good cox like you didn't talk today didn't say much you should appear like henry hill when you came over that old ladies house to eat with joe peshy's mother you don't say much you don't eat much you don't fucking do much you're sure i can't offer you another brownie i i feel like you're not eating enough i feel like you didn't get enough i cheated you did i cheat you today everyone no i feel i feel pretty good with the amount of brownie i had you could what are you gonna do the rest of the day tell me about your day now now i gotta go home and do what uh eat something and then pass out and then i'm gonna go work out and then i have rick ramos today how many times you work out this week i work out every day every day you don't

give a fuck you don't take any days off nothing i took we took sunday off sunday yeah we took good we were going to we're going out to dinner but uh you know i'll probably take sunday off this weekend too but we still probably six days a week look at you you're fucking you're fucking your body's a freak look at you don't warn no i feel good all right well read the fucking thing i love you cock suckers we'll be back monday and next wednesday same bat time same bat channel wednesday was an inhouse studio i love you cock suckers with all my heart i want to thank on it i want to thank dollar shave club i want to thank naturesbox.com i want to thank hulu plus i want to thank nail the life i want to thank escape pod tank.com for helping us put this up together and to uh come

to you guys all right uh now that this shit this is fucked up oh yeah now that the show's over uh remember go to naturesbox.com in order great tasting healthy snacks at 50 off snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries support this podcast and get 50 off your first order go to naturesbox.com promo code joey that's naturesbox.com promo code joey and go to onnet.com get alphabrand and all the other supplements uh use code word church to get 10% off and go to nail that life.com for the premiere very prepared on the market uh mention joey ds and get 20% off on the borderline of the edge and where i walk along

read between the lines what's fucked up and everything's all right check my vital signs still alive and i walk alone i walk alone i walk alone i walk alone oh Hard to see the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone of their will find me Till then I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone I walk alone, I walk alone I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one And I walk on, my shadow The only one that walks beside me My shadow I see the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone of their will find me Till then I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone

I walk alone