Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #197 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, September 19th… Today we’re in-studio with LEE SYATT!  https://www.instagram.com/leesyatt https://www.twitter.com/leesyatt https://www.leesyatt.com This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings & Better Help… DRAFTKINGS Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using code JOEY. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. BETTER HELP Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Diaz for 10% off your first month.  Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #DraftKings #BetterHelp #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media:   https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Now do me a favor, download the DraftKings app and let's make some motherfucking cash. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday the 19th.

Welcome to another fun fill week on the motherfucking joint. The guest is the one and only The master of disaster, the flying fucking Jew. We had a great time. I'm still fucking recovering from last night, guys. I honest to God, I had to recover big, man. That was a great night last night. Yes, it was.

If you guys got tickets to come to the show, any of the shows, it was a real fucking blast. And it, I mean, the whole night was phenomenal. Just going into New York City was just fucking the energy there was so many fucking people in that city last night. I've been going to that city since the fucking 60s. And what I saw last night, I mean, it was the opening night of January.

The feast. The feast of San Gennaro, I think on Thursday night. And I think, what was it? What's her name? Was that the garden? Schuma. Really? Oh, really?

I think, either that or the Boston garden, but there were a lot of fucking people in New York last night out. Nobody gave a fuck about COVID. COVID is officially over, guys. Let me tell you something. It's so funny because, yeah, they're trying to fucking, they're revving you up with that fucking vaccine

that they only tried on hate mice. I think they tried on fucking human. And they're gearing up to fucking shoot you to death. Nobody cares about fucking COVID. It doesn't even, they keep selling this fucking vaccine. The booster, fuck you. Fuck you. Nobody's even in the mood to hear COVID last night.

There were maybe five dumb motherfuckers walking around New York with a mask on. Let me tell you, there were so many people, the mask wouldn't work last night. Like there were so many fucking germs out. The mask were not gonna work, but it was, it took us 20 minutes just to get off our fucking block. Like we went through 10 lights and moved like an inch.

That's how packed the fucking city was last night. And the Sony theater fucking beautiful. Nice and rustic, they got good food. The staff was great. Very nice. Very fucking nice. I want to give a shout out to laughing gas for fucking showing up, throwing away some fucking weed

to the people. People were fucking happy last night. Lot of Puerto Ricans last night. Lot of Spanish people. I love you motherfuckers. Boriqua! But yeah, it was too fine of knocking the mic off to stand and shit and fucking smoking.

There was so much, there had to be 10 pounds of weed back there. Yeah. Oh, I walked in. I didn't even get to really go in the green room because we got there late and I just, but I ran in at the end and I was like, oh, it smells like Joe is here.

Oh, there were mushrooms. There were fucking chocolate covered mushrooms that the chick was giving out. I ate three pieces of that. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Oh, it was fucking superb. But I got to be honest with you guys. Let me tell you something.

I was not nervous at all. My kid didn't weigh on me all week. It was like, I was just going to do a set. It felt good. It was great to be in New York City, the energy. The energy in New York is fucking world class. It really fucking is. That's the LA don't have that.

I know. You know, there's a lot of great cities in this country, but the energy in New York when it's on, I mean, we saw Mr. Softy selling ice cream at 11 fucking o'clock. I'm like, who the fuck is eating Mr. Softy? And there were a fucking line of people out there. It was just superb, man.

New York City, when New York City's on, it's fucking on, Jack. When New York City's on, last night, could have been an eight in the morning night for us. If we really, it could have been scary because we could have stayed at the Sony Theater for like an hour or two, and then gone to eat. And my plan was to go to Woha and get Chinese food

and China to, oh, but it closes at 10. They used to be open 24 fucking hours. So the city has changed a lot, guys. I've been in the city five times before last night, and I never saw it like that. Never. But it was just, it felt so fucking cool. Like just to, hey, like just to do stand up in New York,

I was thinking when I got back to the hotel last night, I was thinking about like the, literally the first night I met you was at the Old Ha Ha on Lancashire, and you were closing that show out with like seven alcoholics and like a homeless person in the, like it was like, they were old couches. It was, it was not the glitzing glamour of Broadway. And fucking, what, like what, 10 years later,

that was just so cool. It was just, they were like, there's really, there's no other way to describe it. That it was just an awesome, from every point of view, it was an awesome night. And I gotta tell you something, there was 10 big comedy shows going on in the city. I walked by a couple that they were like out there.

Comedy Central, yeah, yeah, those guys were there. Guys, there were 10 huge comedy shows in the city last night. You know, I don't know how many bands played. There was bands on in time square playing, right on the road. Fucking energy was tremendous, guys. You know, I don't know.

Last night did not feel like a COVID night. Last night, what I saw, the people walking around, nobody was worried about COVID. Nobody gave a fuck. If you showed up with a COVID gun and sprayed it, they wouldn't have given a fuck last night. They would have said, fuck this. We're out to have a fucking tremendous time.

You know, it's just weird when you don't do stand up for a long, like I didn't know what to think when I got back here. I really didn't, guys, I was confused. I was going through a bunch of shit and I just did not want to be caught up and people throwing bottles and stuff. I was hearing shit and then over time I said,

I gotta get my life together. I gotta do something. I got something, nobody's gonna hire me to work. Like, nobody's not Costco, nobody's gonna give me a fuck. So I was like, goddamn, I gotta go crack some jokes. And as soon as I said, I'll do it one time and see how it feels. And it felt great and it was what my house needed.

My house needs for me to go out a few nights a week. Like my house really needs for me to go out two, three nights a week. You have to, you know, you cannot sit in that fucking house. You know, this whole thing that happened for two years, people disappeared in themselves. During COVID, there was a time when when I first got here, I'm not gonna lie to you.

Listen, this week, September 22nd is on Thursday. It's one year that I've been alive. Like I've been alive for a year now. Why do you remember the day? Because that was the first day I went to acupuncture and I was petrified. When she was putting the needles on me, I was fucking sweating bullets.

I'm like, I'm gonna give her COVID, she's gonna give me COVID. And then I took a one o'clock private. Jiu-Jitsu? Jiu-Jitsu, I had never done it. I had lifted weights until then, but I had not done any Jiu-Jitsu. And against what I was thinking,

I'm like, I gotta go do something. Let me just go see what's going on up there. And I went in and I remember as I left, I shook coach's hand, he just called me the shot. And I said, I'll be back. And I go, this was tremendous today for more reasons than one. I couldn't even move.

Like on the floor, I was so rusty from Jiu-Jitsu. I was breathing heavy. But when I got up that day, I go, okay. And now I'm headed to the premiere of the Sopranos. So all that happened in one day. That was the same day? All the same day. Oh, shit.

It was a Wednesday and I fucking, the car picked me up. I was a little nervous. My friends came, they all took a ride into the city. And when I got to the fucking premiere, I go, where are you gonna drop me off to the drop? And he goes, right there. Well, he dropped me off into 2,000 people.

It was on the street. And it was where you walked the green carpet, the red carpet, whatever. So when I got there, these people jumped on me. And I had nowhere to go. So I just started hugging motherfuckers. Cause what else are you gonna do? I was hugging and I'm like, if I don't have COVID now,

I'm never gonna get COVID. I did the red carpet. And then I sat outside the theater. I was one of the last people to go in that fucking theater. Like I did not want to go in the beacon theater with 2,000 people. I called you from Florida. Remember when there was a good restaurant?

The first time I saw a restaurant with like a hundred people. That's right, you went in there and ran out. But after, it was like a year at that point, it was jarring. Like it was like, are there supposed to be this many people in here? You just got used to, like it's, I think that's why you're saying

it's good to get out of the house. Because like, I think that's like working from home is great. But at some point, I think you start to go a little bit crazy. Just like you go from your bed to your chair and you're wearing like a nice shirt with like sweatpants or maybe just shorts on. And then you go to bed, you got the Uber Eats coming, you go to Netflix.

And then you're like, I don't know what day it is today. I don't know, I haven't seen anybody. The only person I see is Zoom. And especially like for you, for how, what is it? 30 years, six nights a week you're out at clubs. And now like you're like, you know, and not saying you're not having fun, but now you're like, you're going to softball games

and a restaurant. Like that's all like, it must have been nice to get out of the house again. I think it was nice for everybody. I think it was nice for everybody. A lot of people forgot how to act with the pandemic. That's what we're finding out now. But last night, it was like the pandemic never happened.

You know, and it was just very interesting to see the people out, the attitude of people. I mean, it just blew me the fuck away. But I gotta be honest here, since you're on the subject, I don't know if you watched Bill Maher last Sunday night. Bill Maher had a great, I forget the guy's name now, a podcast guy, listen to his podcast, he'd been on Rogan. This guy went off on home, on working from home.

And he had, he made some great points. He's like, we're in a fucking volatile society anyway for workers. And now you want people to work from fucking home. And people, they do, they have forgotten how to live. They forgot, you know, and listen, you walking into your, you don't even have to walk into a Starbucks. But you walking into your favorite coffee shop

and getting a scone and a cup of coffee in the morning before work, that's probably, those are the things that we need. That little hand in hand with people. You know, it's great to walk into Starbucks and have a conversation with somebody early in the morning. You would have shot a bad breath. But all those things add up guys.

You know, my life now, for a long time, I get up in the morning, I do what I gotta do, and then I go to the gym. I get that over with. But after the fucking gym, if I don't go to jujitsu, I don't see anybody. And even at the gym, you probably don't see many people. But that's why I like New York.

Cause I'm like, I don't really like talking to a lot of people, but you're always, like in New York, if you're walking, you're always interacting. Like I was, when you were talking about the show, I think if we get there early enough next time, it might be fun to just do like a block around like, around just to like get the, cause when you're walking, you're walking by people,

some homeless guys yelling, it's just like, I love, there's, I love walking around New York. Even, and you used to talk about doing it on a, smoking a joint, I've never even done that. I just like doing it just to like soak it in. Like a day like today, like yesterday, Sunday, it was fucking gorgeous. You just take a bus and you go down to like one of the parks,

watch the square, you know, go to Central Park, walk around, get a burger, get a hot dog. I tell you, man, I forgot how much fun that is. Just go into the city. You know, you don't have to get fucking drunk. You don't have to do quailoos. You don't have to get your dick sucked. Just walk around and you'll see people

on the street playing music, you know, you'll see a bunch of shit. And that's, that makes, that's harmony, man. That, that's what, this was bad. What happened most two years. And they're finding out the effects of it now with children. And you know, this guy last week was talking about

how bad working from home is. How bad it is when guys go on dating sites because you forget the social of it. It's just a scroll. We were forgetting all this shit. You know, I gotta be honest with you. Guys, kids do not know how to work. Young kids today, like when you go to a restaurant,

I'll go to an ice cream place and it's just somebody young. There's no work ethic whatsoever. Whatsoever, there's no work ethic, you know? So we gotta get, and then they, you know, Trump and Biden have both stopped a lot of immigration. So immigrants are the number one fucking workers we have, you know, fucking. So it's like we're in a conundrum right now.

I mean, you know, if guys don't know how to go to a bar and pick up a chick, and it's not, I'm not saying it wrong. If you don't know how to communicate, you know, I mean, I could never go on a dating site if I was 28. It wouldn't work for me. Why? Just wouldn't work for me. Like you'd need to be in, like in front of them and like.

I'd be in bed, listen. See, I'm embarrassed to do it that way. I don't like sending tapes. I remember that the blank tape, you know? But no, I don't like sending tapes. And there's a reason why I don't like sending tapes. Because I miss that, I miss that energy from you. When I go into an audition, even if I suck at the audition,

we got to talk and communicate. So when I leave, she goes, that wasn't a good audition. But he's a sweet guy. He's a nice guy, he was prepared. You know, it just wasn't bad. You know what I'm saying? You don't get that at all. Right.

When I put an audition on tape, I mean, I'm grateful that I put these audition on tapes. But listen, you just lost, whatever percentage you have of booking an audition, when I put it on tape, I just lost 15 points. I just lost 15 points because I didn't go, listen, you know how many times I've gone into an audition and just been a nice person and fucked up the audition

and she's turned off the camera and said, Joey, let's start this from scratch. I want you to get this. Then they become your cheerleaders. That's cool. When I fucking send a tape, you're not gonna do that. I got lucky last week when I sent the tape and they hit me twice, dye your hair

and then do the audition standing up. I knew when they gave me the note, I was in. They don't give me notes on fucking self tapes. You send the tape, I sent the tape to play. I never heard back. But again, you know, I had maybe a slight chance of getting that play with the audition on tape. I lost it.

Same thing with women, guys. If I, and I gotta be honest with you, if I swipe a phone and I see a picture of a girl and she's attractive, she's like a six, right? I'm gonna go, not really. And that's most guys. No, no, no, I'm just talking from the heart here. That's most guys.

We all want a 10, right? But guess what? If I meet that girl and have a conversation with her, maybe she's a fucking sweetheart. Maybe, you know, there's something else I like about her. A childish quality. Maybe she wears a ponytail as she reminds me of my girlfriend in the first grade.

I don't fucking know. But you miss all that. So then what do you do when you swipe and you press? Do they come over and fuck? Well, when you look like me, no, but for some people they do. But no, it's, but you're right. Because sometimes you'll go

and you'll have a really cool message back and forth. But when you get to be in person, it's awkward. Because the reason why I always did online dating was because I was shy and awkward and you could think about your response. When they're right in front of you and you can't rewrite your message eight times, some weird, sometimes the problem with,

well, one of the problems with online dating is sometimes you'll talk for too long and then you'll have nothing to talk about like when you actually meet them. Like it's not good for like actually getting to like inner relationship. Getting to know you, getting to love you. You didn't know, you didn't miss out at all.

But it's, I think people are, it's, I like it, there are benefits to working from home. Like I feel like I get more done. You do? Yeah, because when you go into the other, the thing, yeah, the weird thing about the office, but, and it's weird. I get maybe a little bit less done at the office,

but you get certain things done more quickly. Because instead of sending an email and waiting for someone to get back to you, you can just look over there and say, hey, Jim, what am I supposed to do with this? So there are benefits to going to the office, but with everything that's happened, people just don't want to.

And I get it, I get it, but it's not gonna be good. I don't know what's gonna happen. I like the social aspect of it. Yeah. I mean, listen, man, I fucking quit high school. Like there's a 40 year anniversary in October and they keep bugging me.

And I'm like, guys, I'd be a hypocrite. I fucking quit high school, you know? Like I fucking, I don't even know what we're talking about. You said it's been 40 years. You like the social aspect of going into work. I like, I didn't do good in school. I had good grades, but I like going to school to talk, to talk to teachers and see my friend.

It's like my daughter, I asked her a month ago, you ready to go to school? She's like, fuck yeah, that's her social life. It's studio 54 of them, you know, it's studio 54 of them. So, and look, like my agent, my agent work from home, my agent, New York, Matt, great guy. And I was talking to him about it. And he made a little garage, he took his garage,

he made an office, and you know, it's great. And he fucking works like, you know, eight to 10, and then he takes a walk for 40 minutes, and then he comes back and he does another two hours. You have to, as long as you have a schedule, and you adhere to that schedule, like you only want to sit down two hours. After two hours, it's the Lord diminishing returns.

Get up, take a walk. I'd rather you take a break. That's why they give you a break at a regular job, 15 minutes, you smoke a cigarette. We take a half hour break. Yeah. But they track you now, like they can track if your mouse, like if you're typing.

Right, so you have to get a computer thing and put a weight on your mouse. Oh yeah, people are doing some pretty good stuff. I know a chick that does it, she fucking puts the mouse, puts like a weight on it, or something, you buy an app, and it makes it move. Yeah, and it makes it move, and she leaves all day.

She fucking leaves. So you get 800 messages, where are you? Oh, my internet didn't work. No, on the phone, I seen it in the daytime, she's a mom, she's one of the moms we hang out with. But I always liked the social, listen, man, the pandemic fucked me up. And I gotta be honest with you,

there's still people in the house. Oh yeah. There's still people in the house. I don't know if you guys knew this, this weekend was a big weed expo in Jersey. Yeah, and Cheech was there, Chung. Oh, okay. Chung showed, and the guy, Chung's guy called me last week,

hey, he's going if you wanna go, and I'm like, and I go, bro, that was the quickest, 360. During the pandemic, I think for a year, Chung didn't leave his bedroom. I remember you telling me about that. People come over and leave food in his bedroom, like it was one assistant, he wouldn't even leave the bedroom.

He had a desk in there, had a bathroom in there, and he didn't leave the bedroom. And then he got better and better, you know, he was scared, he's 70 fucking years old. I don't blame him. So these guys stayed in there, and the guy called the other day, man, I'm gonna let you know he's coming,

and I'm like, that was quick, because he was in the fucking closet. He goes, he just snapped one day, he couldn't take it no more. He just snapped, and that's what happened, you can't. Listen, man, you can't sit in this fucking house all the time, you can't. And I've learned that, I'm not a house person,

I'm not a house mouse at all. I like going out, I like talking to people, I like going to the gym, you know, jujitsu, I went to jujitsu because I was lonely. Right. And I wanted to meet people in the area. Guys, my age, you know, whatever, and it's worked. I went up there more for a social

than for exercising benefits, and I fell in love with the place. And there's days I have nothing going on, but I'll make sure to go to jujitsu, so I get my social. But how like, just bringing it back to last night, because I think there's probably a difference between like the social you get jujitsu

and the social you get doing standup. Like how does, is that part of, you might not need to do it every night anymore, but do you need to do it every couple of weeks, just? I need to do it once a week for my health, for my, you know why, because you go out and you watch other comics. Like right now, I'm not looking to fucking sell out an arena.

Right. That's ship sale. I just want to do comedy and be happy and make a little money and see my friends. This is what this is for. You know, I get my friends to come to the shows. Like my nephews came last night. I love that they were there.

You know, next time my nieces will come, my other nephews coming from Ruth Chris, he's gonna bring some steaks next time. I was gonna stop and get pastrami from the pickled hiring last night, but I'm like, it's our first show. I don't want to, I don't want to stink up that SUV with pastrami and whatever.

But, no, the difference in my social with comedy and whatever, I mean, with jiu-jitsu, I'm a fat fuck. I just, I'm in the third row with my gear all fucking twisted and I'm breathing heavy and I'm sweating and my head's all fucked up at, when I go do comedy, you know, I don't know, it's more for me, I don't know. Like I really liked the people I saw last night in the audience, like I really liked those people last night.

They were fucking tremendous. And like just even, like one of the first things you said when you got into the car, you looked at your whoop, you know, like I burned 800 calories and something that I think people might not understand, like if you're watching, you think Joe, like they might think like you're like the crazy, like wild like really all the time.

And you're really like, most of the time, you're kind of subdued and like, but to see you like go off on stage, it just, it's fun, like it just as your friend, it's fun to see you do that. Like it was just like, like I, like when you make yourself laugh on stage, is the best, the audience loves it.

But like even, cause you, like you have a few different laughs but you have one where it catches you by surprise where you said something you've never said before and it catches him by surprise. And the audience, it just, it's, it's fun to see like people have fun. Like, you know. It's really fun to see people have fun.

And it's really good when you're the captain Kirk or they're fun. Yeah. Like you take them to where, you know, it's a great feeling and you could do a thousand things. You could get your dicks up and ice caps around. Nothing matches being on stage. That's true.

That's what it meant. This is weird thing to say. And I know Lee's going to relate to this and he's going to go, go fuck yourself. But even when you're bombing, it's a little fun sometimes because at first it hurts. Like your first three years in comedy, when you bomb and your face gets red and it hurts.

But after a while, you have to look at bombing like, this is necessary. For me to strive, I got to bomb. I got to bomb good. For me to go home and get pistol off and go fuck. You know, people need to get smacked in the face. There's some people that don't react well. Like you see them in a fight,

they'll go into the first round and a UFC fight and they get beat up and thrown down. Then they come out the second round, they start smacking motherfuckers and throwing them out of the cage because some people need to get smacked three times to get them fucking going. So for me, like after I came, like, you know, in the beginning when you're doing comedy for the first two years,

it's like fucking having a band and your first night, you know, first night fucking the cymbal breaks, the string breaks on the guitar, you know, it hurts. That's like a lot, that's trauma for some people. Yeah. I've had some bombings, okay, that have been traumatic. It's like coming too fast, you know, it's like fucking your favorite chicken coming in a minute.

But at least you still come when that happens, when you're bomb, nothing good happens. But you bomb when you come, you bomb. But bombing is the first three years, especially when you get cocky and you invite your employees, you're, come on down, I'm gonna kill it tonight. And also you go up there and it's fucking, and you're employed the next day,

they're like, that was very interesting. And you're like, oh, should I shoot myself now or in an hour? Yeah, that sucks. When you have to face people again the next day, after you bombed, you know, that's why I could never be on a fucking cruise ship. Can you imagine bombing, eat breakfast with these people the next day

and they're looking at you. Oh, it was a very interesting set last night. I was very good and you know, you bombed. And I was like, that's why when you said, like Brad at the beginning of this, that, oh, I wasn't nervous last, before the show, I was, like, I, for pretty much the whole day, was, like, ready to just explode, just shit my,

well, yeah, dude, first, okay, I don't wanna let you, the show or the audience down. And then I, like you said, like you haven't done it in a while, I just started it up. I didn't plan on, like, when I came last time, when we went to Uncle Vinny's, you just sent me up and I hadn't done it.

And now I'm just starting a few open mics. And, like, you just go out there and not really know what's gonna happen. And I, like, it made me think of, like, the first time I did a club with you was at Cap City in Austin. And I was, like, two months into stand-up, Danny Brown was in the back.

It was a, I had just done the fourth wall a few times, which is eight comics in a strip mall. And then we're at a sold-out Cap City, which is, like, as a comedy fan, I've heard about it. And I get off, I did three minutes, I went fine for two months in, and I stood up against this back wall and my leg shook because of the adrenaline.

And now I called Eric, our buddy, on the way to Jersey a couple of days ago. He's like, dude, you're on, like, you and Joey are on Broadway. Like, Joey's on Broadway. And I, we're driving in through Times Square. And you do the thing, you love to fuck with me a little bit. We're in the car, you're like, all right,

we're gonna get there at 808. You're going on at 815 for cold. And I'm just in there. And then, like, the people, the thing, they're like, oh, no, J is gonna, the DJ's gonna go up first. And I don't know what's gonna happen. And I, in my head, I'm just gonna go up there

and have nothing to say. And just stare off into silence and, like, run off. And it went fine. But it was just, yeah, I was losing my shit in the car. I just kept staring at my phone. And, like, not even, like, really seeing the words that were on the screen. I just kept going back and forth, looking at nothing.

And, oh my God. But then you, like, REU, Matt Fultron, all you guys destroyed it. So, but yeah, I was petrified I was gonna bomb. I was petrified I was gonna bomb until I looked at my material. And let me tell you something, guys. I didn't do 30 minutes of material last night

that I had planned. I got off at 45 minutes because I thought there was union. Next time I'll do an hour. I thought it was union. Oh, they don't care? No, he told me you could, you have the whole night. I didn't know.

I thought we had to get off at 10. Yeah. So I set the alarm for 10. I saw you to set your alarm. Yeah, I set my, I never set my fuck. I never set my alarm. But I wanted to because it's New York. It's a theater.

I don't know if they union, they fucking, dog after the fucking union. Yeah. One minute late, you get charged like double. 2000 hours or something like that. I got to have the electrician unplug it for 250 and then look at his assistant who gets 125. And then they got to plug it back in for 375.

Guys, if you get that job, take it. Take it. 375 to plug in 250 every time you plug. That's it. Just plug it in 250. And the assistant that's watching them gets a buck and a quarter to watch him to witness it. So we're in the wrong fucking,

we're in the wrong fucking business. But no, I was, well, yesterday I had a, I had a room, I don't, I'm comedy days. Listen, I was a little worried. Let me tell you what my problems are. I don't like doing comedy with my family, right?

Right. The day of, because I got to be involved with them. So yesterday, that's the only thing that had me a little, that they're around. But then I went to the softball games. Yeah. And the fucking softball games were great yesterday.

Lee got to experience the fucking softball games. Tell them what they brought to the softball games, Doug. Oh, what didn't they brought? They catered a double header. They catered, we cater a double fucking header guys. They brought sandwiches from a place. I'm going to tell you what the name of this place is.

Fucking unbelievable, these fucking sandwiches. The name of this place is, it's a Brooklyn place, but they fucking opened up in Staten Island. The name of this place is Royal Crown Bakery, 1350 Island Boulevard in Staten Island. Guys, these fucking sandwiches,

you know a place is really Italian. When one of the sections is, deaf menu is prosciutto and, you got prosciutto with, capicola and super sauce and salami and, but this was the one that impressed me. They have a mortadella section. So you could get mortadella.

Look at this, prosciutto and mozzarella, prosciutto and mozzarella and roasted peppers, prosciutto with mozzarella and grilled eggplants, prosciutto with mozzarella and fried eggplants, mozzarella with sun dried tomatoes, prosciutto with mozzarella and carbonata, prosciutto with mozzarella and broccoli rot, prosciutto with mozzarella and arugula.

It don't fucking stop. Mozzarella, copicola, super side, but mortadella with mozzarella. Fucking mortadella with mozzarella and roasted peppers. Mortadella with American cheese. Ham that has a whole section. Grilled chicken, they got fried chicken sandwiches, mozzarella and roasted peppers.

This place is fucking sensational. One of the moms catered it for us. She got me and Lee, an Italian fucking sandwich that was sensational, but tell them the clink of the fucking day. They brought chocolate bread. Listen, I don't know who invented chocolate bread. It's like a, no, no, it's like, no.

Oh, it was actual chocolate. It's Italian bread with chocolate chips in that motherfucker. And like syrupy. And it's like sweet. Holy shit. It's like, it's like almost like kind of like a croissant, but not really. It was just like soft in the middle.

And the thing was, he told me the night before, he told me the night before, listen, there's going to be an Italian sandwich there for you. I, we get there like 1130 and there's one, like the mom, cause she had to go, I don't know how far away that was, but like in the middle of the second game, she appeared. I don't know. Like, like, like an angel with like three bags worth of food.

And like you, her husband and I sat there and I don't think we talked. We didn't say one word. Look at the game. It just, the sandwiches disappeared. Oh my God. I'm trying to think what the fuck cheese is on this sandwich. It was delicious.

Roasted peppers. I mean, it was fucking out of this mind. And this is, and we didn't even do it. See, cause you're all, you're about speed and convenience, but they individually packed little like containers of the balsamic vinaigrette. And I took that, I poured it in. You were like, this is already,

by the time the balsamic got there, you didn't, you didn't have time for it. No, how good was it? Cause it just soaked up into the bread, but the bread was thick enough that it didn't make it soggy. It just kind of absorbent. I'm telling you, this was,

and they didn't put any vegetables on it. That's how you, it was cheese. No lettuce, no tomato. Go to Subway bitch if you want that shit. There was no lettuce, no tomato, no vinegar oil, no fucking Mike's way, whatever the fuck. You know, go fuck yourself. This was plain, I mean, it was,

yeah, fuck you with Mike's way with the, with the vinegar and shit. But that was the softball game. We had a double had a, we sat there, we got suntan. And her team is fucking like, like they would, I think one score was 17 to two. It almost wasn't fair. I think Mercy walked five times.

Shit, like, like they just wouldn't throw it near her. They wouldn't pitch to Mercy. They walked it. They kept walking it. And some other girl hit a blast. They won both games, 17. Yeah. All their winnings, they would score five runs

and they would fucking come back. The defense was tremendous. And the coach didn't, he was yelling at them like they were losing. He's rough on them. But they need that shit. It's, it's a different, I'm happy. You got to experience a Saturday with me here.

Oh yeah. And I love how when you mess with the girls, cause they're like eight, nine years old. And you're like, Eva, you're a savage. And she just looks at you like, what am I supposed to say to this? And I show knives, I bring in the girls' knives and they go nuts.

I wasn't going to say that part of that. I didn't know, I didn't know if that was out. Yeah, you took it out and one girl was like, I don't think you're supposed to have that. Like don't worry about it. I take out this big knife and I go, girls, this is your good luck charm. Let's go out there.

Let's fuck these motherfuckers up. And they're like, yeah. Uncle Joey, do you have the knife? Yeah, I got the knife. And then like everyone's paying the kids for a home run. It felt like it was like Jersey. Like every home run, the kids got a $20 bill. And then like they got, didn't,

since they won, didn't they get Carvel or something? Yeah, they went and got Sundays, just crossing Carvel, this place is fucking tremendous. And then little Joey came and I give him $20 a week. Oh my God. Everybody, these little kids get $20 from me a week. If he plays football, I give him a 20. If he throw, he plays flag football,

but he tackles motherfuckers because he's a little Joey's my dog. So I always say, how many flags you got? I got eight. How many tackles? Three. Okay. He scored a touchdown.

So for every touchdown, I give him a 20. If he gets four flags, five flags, I give him 10. If he gets 10 flags, I give him 20. And that's the deal we have. And every time he sees me, just goes in my pocket, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, Uncle Joey. He came up and he said, money.

Money, yes. Oh my God. It's a different world, man. You know, and I'm happy you got to see it. I know Michael has seen it. On the soccer game set a minute. Oh, do you? You had your first soccer game?

Yeah, it's a, guys, you know, you think about it. Like I never, guys, listen, I never thought I would watch Girls Football. It's just not something that Uncle Joey would do. In fact, when I went to my father-in-law's, he was watching Girls Football. And I said something to my wife, what's wrong with watching Girls Football in the afternoon?

And now I fucking live for it. I mean, I don't watch it on TV. Yeah, I was gonna say, ah, no, I gotta play through this game. You have a family of a daughter playing there. It's not like, yeah, you're not watching like on ESPN too. But it's like, you always hear about like work-life balance. Like you have work-life balance now.

I didn't have it before, guys. I had no balance. I had no balance in my life at all. And I didn't know what balance was. We don't get raised to have balance. We get raised to fucking succeed. We get raised to make it happen, you know? So I don't fucking understand that whole thing.

We're going for it. But I think it's doing good things for you. Cause there were some things last night that like, I think old joy one, it got a little bit upset about. Like just like, you know, like with the traffic, I just imagine, and you were like calm. Like people were walking next to the car.

This guy was walking next to the car, listening to your podcast. You were in it? He just looked over, he just turned to the side. He's like, that's dope. There's Joey. Yeah. He looked at me. I had the window open at the light.

He looked at me and he goes, I'm listening to you as we speak. I go, come over. We started talking. He lived in West New York for shit. Yes. Listen, guys, you gotta, you know, I don't know. I fucked up, you know, I fucked up during the pandemic.

And I'm sorry I did. I was a little too scared, but I missed being social. I'm a social type dude. Even, you know, three, four people, I love all that shit, watching football with guys, you know. So this was rough for a lot of people, but I'm happy that people fucking

are telling everybody go fuck themselves. That's it. I'm enough of this shit, you know, and now they're pushing a fucking, you know, they're pushing vaccines like a motherfucker again. You know what, relax. Nobody's dying. What are you doing?

You know, people starting to get their bearings back and I'm fucking happy. This messed with a lot of people. And last night, like I said, I'm not even thinking about it no more. Like that's it. It's nothing to think about. You know, they keep pushing it,

but we just say fuck you, I'm not doing it. I mean, nobody, even the fucking, cause the last couple of times I went into the city, cab drivers and Uber people had mask on. They don't even have the mask on no more. So it's over. It's time to fucking get your mental together and get back out there and do what you were doing

before this fucking shit started. Speaking of mental, now for a word from BetterHelp. What's happened you bad motherfuckers? This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, do you ever fix in on a problem so long that you don't know how to take the time to find a solution? It can be tough to train your brain

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How do I know? Because they took me to the next fucking level. So what else is going on in your fucking world, cocksucker? I'm just doing, I'm doing really good. I'm happy that football's back. I'm just, but I really am enjoying doing stand-up. It was- I can't believe how you dove back into it.

You came, you did the Jersey show and also he's talking to me. I'm going on open mic in New Hampshire. I'm going to see this. But it's, because I never said that I didn't like say, I love, I've always loved doing stand-up, but I just couldn't see myself struggling at it for like 10 years.

It just seemed, when you think about that, it's a lot to put on like, at least for me, I overthink everything. I'm like, oh, 10 years, it's going to be too much. But then just doing it with you in Jersey, it just showed me how much, because I don't really have fun like that. Like, I don't know, I'm a quiet person,

but there's just something about being on stage that like I feel confident in a way that I, like I don't usually feel and I could like talk to people. I don't know what it is, but it's just, like I've already made a couple of friends in Boston and I'm doing them at like bars. Like Worcester has like, there's this one bar with like animal heads on the wall.

It smells like feet. It's been there since like the 60s. I went to one bar where my, cause my girlfriend grew up in that area. She's like, people die there. Like they stab, one bar has an open mic and they had to change names because they got, someone got stabbed there like two, two months ago.

So they just had to change names in the last year. But it's, it's fun. It's fun to, to just, you know, get out and do, and do stuff. I'm having a lot of fun. Listen, those 10 years that you talk about and people worry about for anything, it's called apprenticeship.

Okay. And no matter what you do, they're going to take years off. Yeah. No matter what you do, if you play the piano, you play the guitar, if you draw, whatever the fuck you do, they're going to take years off here.

You know, it's going to cost you somewhere along the line. But while you're doing it, you don't look at it that way. So if you're at home and you're thinking about doing standup or joining a band or whatever, don't, don't worry about that. Because when you're in it, you're in it. You're not, when you see fucking Matt Fultron last night,

Matt Fultron has been working hard for 15 fucking years. He's not thinking about it. He's a fucking working comic. But in the back of your mind, you know that that day could come at any minute, that somebody could see you, you could do a fucking video because you don't know what it's going to be, guys.

You don't know what it's going to be until you fucking try it. You might book a movie with fucking all the movie stars and the movie tanks and nobody knows who the fuck you are. But then you might just do a fucking video of you singing a song and everybody knows who you are. You're never going to know what's going to take you to the next level until you do it. But if you don't do anything,

you're not going to get to that next level anyway. So do it all. I was talking to Jimmy the other day and Jimmy was going, you know, 30 years in the business, you can't figure shit out. He goes, I do all these podcasts. Nothing works. Nobody ever says to me, hey, good podcast.

He does Godfrey's podcast. Godfrey put a clip up and got a million hits. Good for him. And guess what? African Americans are going to Jimmy Florence these shows. So do you understand? He did a bunch of white fucking podcasts. Nothing happened from rock music, Ozzy, Black Sabbath,

Ozzy's Boneyard. He does one. He does, what's his name? Godfrey. Godfrey's podcast. And, you know, he said the right things on it. The timing was right. But you don't plan that.

You know, that's why nothing burns me up. I saw some fucking Jerichoff comics from New York about a year ago making statements about, I went on the Rogan podcast and nothing really happened for me. What do you think is going to happen? You think the blue bird will happen? He's going to knock on your door the next day and go,

hey, we saw you on Rogan yesterday. Let's open the floodgates. It's not like that. You might have to do Rogan four times before something happens. But if you're depending on Rogan to blow your career up, then you're wrong. It's going on Rogan and what work

you put in after Rogan. It's not the tonight show that gets you to the next level. It's what you're going to do afterward. Right. But even for me, though, because that's so far away, like me making it and stand up, I just, and I know people are going to be like, oh, you're 34, you're young.

To me, I'm realizing that I'm getting older. And even though I'm still young, I don't want to look back in 20 years. Like you said that two years, it went by quickly. I don't want to look back in 20 years and feel like I didn't give it a shot. So even if I, because in reality, I'll probably never be a headline.

I'd like to be. Who the fuck knows? But it's just fun. You cannot put a fucking ceiling over your career. Right. You're going to do comedy. You're going to play the flute. You're going to do whatever the fuck you're going to do

for your happiness. Yeah. And it becomes a hobby. And it becomes whatever you want it to become. You have a day job. So, but never guys. Listen to me. I used to be late.

I used to sound like Lee. Okay. Life had to kick me in the fucking teeth to show me that anything is possible in this world. Guys taken from me. I was a felon. I had nothing going on. I'm not good looking.

I lost my daughter. Nobody wanted to lurk with me, but I stuck with comedy. Nobody wanted to hang out with me. The line is nobody wanted to lurk with me. That's a shirt. Yeah. Do you think now at night I sit there and now I have a positive outlook

more than I had before? Because when I did comedy in the beginning, yeah, it was to get out of being a criminal and become a human being. But I didn't know I was going to get to hang with Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle and do comedy with Chappelle in 2001. And just a thousand things. Guys, I never saw a movie.

If you think I was telling my friends I'm going to be in a movie. But to go back to a podcast we did two weeks ago when we were talking about debt. And I'm like, listen, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to be fair about this. I'm going to go into debt. If I make it, I pay the bills.

If I don't, you're in debt. But I'm going to make it because I need to pay these bills. I don't want to live my life as a fucking deadbeat. Right. So guys, when you, you know, a kid was here. Joey, Joey came over the other day. We're watching college football.

Little Joey. 10 bucks is cause he didn't want to play. He goes there and he's like, I don't want to play. He's the toughest kid in the team. He's fucking a great athlete. And he's a little scared. He didn't like it. So I would talk to him every week.

Joey, your father's going to fucking shoot you. You better fuck. He's a little scared. Your dad's going to shoot you. You better go in that game. But let me tell you what happened. He was here two Fridays ago cause they come over on Fridays.

The girls hang out and then Joey hangs out with me down here and my wife hangs out with Joey's mom upstairs. We're watching college football and the guy scored. And I go, Joey, you run like that. I got, and he looked at me like, and I go, Joey, that could be you. That could be you in 20 years. And I'm not lying to anybody.

I'm not lying. That could be you, Joey. It hit him so hard. He just passed out. It was like giving him Michael. He looked at me and he's like, it could be me. Boom. He just passed out from the fucking thought of that.

People really don't, like people go, yo, I'm going to be a rock star. I'm going to do this. But in there at night, they're crying. They're like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to just wear spandex pants. You know, whatever the fuck it is. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it. But don't ever fucking nudge yourself out because if your uncle Joey did it, could you imagine what you could do? And I've been telling people this since I've been doing a podcast. If I did this, can you imagine what you could do with a loving family, no drugs,

and people who care about your shit? You know, I did all this shit with nobody in my corner. Yeah, in 2000, I met my wife. I was nine years into comedy. But those rough years, I did on my own. You know, those were bus rides, bombing. Nobody talks to you. You know, triple runs.

That's just not a fucking great career. Sleeping in your car, eating Subway, veggie and cheese sandwiches. That's not a great career, but it beat my alternative, which was prison. Yeah, it's a lot better than prison. It beat my alternative, it was a lot better. Listen, man, I got into comedy

to get out of this criminal world. And if I could do something which they end up in stupid movies and auditions, I can't imagine what you guys could do. But how much, I know, obviously, when you're broke, it must not, it's not fun, but how much of that time was fun for you doing those gigs and doing those triple runs?

Was it fun in the moment? Guys, you watch MTV, and you see these bands, you know, and you're like, man, I wish I could do that. Be on a fucking bus with Zach Wilde, you know. But then now you're in the micro world. You're not hanging out with Zach Wilde. I'm not hanging out with Dave Chappelle. I'm not hanging out with Joe Rogan.

I'm not hanging out with Bill Burrow Dean. It's just me on a Graham bus. And it reminds you of Water Back to All Life, when Bon Jovi's singing it, and he's on the video, and he's on the bus, and he's looking around, and you know, you don't know those words. Like when you listen to his words, and Bob Seeger out in the road, the one song he's got,

you know, that's what, like for me, I didn't care if I was alone. I didn't care at $3 in my pocket. I didn't give a fuck that my Walkman needed batteries. I was doing it. Even if I was a feature act for 100 a night, guess what? I'm in it. I'm in it, and guess what?

It was a lot of fun. And that's why I tell people, I do it all over again. Because I never knew what I was walking into. And how, how long would it take, or how often would you see yourself improve? Would it be like every six months? Oh shit, I did like. Every 90 days, I'd see something

that would keep me alive for another 90. Really? Yeah. It doesn't change in 90 days, I'm quitting this shit. I'm done with this shit. I go so cold. Why am I doing this? Why am I working for 100 miles a night?

They only give me 50 up front and mail me a check. No, no, no. When I first started with Trouble, it was 85 a night. And he gave you 50 up front and 35 he mailed you. A month later. This is a random number. How many, how many $35 checks did you get? Well, it's every night.

So if you have six shows and he owes you 635. Oh, okay. So you got to check two weeks later and shit like that. But I didn't give a fuck because I knew what the alternative was. When you're in it, you're not thinking, well, I got six more years to be good. No, because this lottery ticket could cash today.

Yeah, or can ever cash, which is, I mean. If you put the work in and believe in your heart and stay pure to yourself, you'll cash a portion of it. It's not going to be the 21 million you wanted. You know what I'm saying? It could be 2100. But guess what? You did that.

You did that. So when they pay me 2100, I'm really worth 10,000 but I can't raise my hand. Guess what? I did this by cracking jokes. I did this by writing a song. Somebody paid me money to write a fucking soundtrack. Nobody knows my name.

Can you imagine being a ghost writer? You're sitting there at home watching TV and your commercial comes on for Cadillac and it's your jingle. You just got 300,000 in the fucking mail for it because that's what you get from commercial music. When you do music for commercials, that's when you get rich quick.

Yeah, and every time they keep playing, you get rich, quick, ching-ching. So just being in the game, listen, if you think I'm any good at jiu-jitsu, you got rocks in your head. But I keep going because I know the change for me. I know eventually the switch is gonna go off. I saw a picture.

Did you demote yourself? Why did you do, why, why did you take it? I saw that. I was like, did he take away his blue belt? I took away my own blue belt. I didn't feel like a blue belt. It was a celebrity blue belt they gave me. And I was like, no disrespect to Alberto.

He saw something in me. I was working hard and stuff, but I didn't feel like a blue belt. And then I got, I understood what a blue belt meant and I accepted it. But then I was like, I was off the mats for a year and a half. And if I sucked when I was on it at three times a week, how bad would I suck at it now?

So when I joined Gracie, I started from scratch. I did a couple of privates. And when I went in, he goes, if you want to put your blue belt on, you're more welcome. I go, not at all. I want to start this program from scratch. So I went in with one strike. Wow.

Yeah, I didn't feel like a blue belt. So if you don't feel like a blue belt, how can I parade myself? I'm barely a white belt with two stripes. That's how good I am. I got a scissor sweep. I can pass your guard. You know, I know what a fucking de la Jeeves,

but I'm not good at jiu-jitsu. So what do I do? I quit. No, you keep going. You make a plan with yourself. I catch one core class and two blue belt classes and I do the best I can. And I know eventually someday I'll feel like a blue belt.

And at least you're honest with yourself. Yeah. Like you're not jumping in there with the brown belts. Not after being in LA. How can you, do you see how important it is to be honest with yourself? Cause you saw it. He sees the fight.

He saw it. I don't have to sell him on anything. I don't have to tell him anything. He used to tell me what he saw. You know, you have to check yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and go, this isn't working. Oh, I'm going to do this for six more months

and maybe do this and adjust this. But you see it out there that people, and you're like, why are they still here? You feel for them. But again, I can't take them away from them cause anything can happen at any time. In my world, it's always Wednesday. You know what Wednesday is on the Mickey Mouse Club?

No, it's anything can happen day. In my world, every morning I wake up and it's anything can happen day. But that goes two ways. You get hit by a car or you get your dick sucked. You follow me, so we get up every morning. It's a 50-50 chance.

But do you think anything is possible if you're not honest with yourself? I think you have to be honest with yourself. Listen, anything can happen whether you're honest with yourself or not honest with yourself. But can you maintain that level without being honest with yourself?

That's a weird thing. If you see a lot of the comedians, and I'm not mentioning their names, but if you see a lot of comics right now, they got a little bit of an ego. That's what happens after. And then you become preachy on stage. And that's what happens to comics.

They get that fucking ego. I don't want to fuck with that ego. And you relate comedy to MMA a lot. And to me, it seems like how sometimes you'll see a fighter lose and then they actually, but then they fix whatever made them lose that fight and then they go and become champ.

Like I think what happened to Kamaru and happened to a bunch of people. And I think that's what happens because you'll also point to fighters who will continually lose making the same mistake. So I think that has to be the same in stand-up where if you don't look at, okay, I'm not good at crowd work or I don't,

I can't follow this kind of person. I don't know if you will get better. I mean, you tell me, I don't know anything. I'm too used to it. You have to listen, metal sharpens metal. So, I mean, if you want to go down to, I don't even know how to describe this. You know, if you want to go down,

if you want to be the big fish in the small ocean, or if you want to be a little fish in a big ocean, and I always wanted to be a little fish in a big ocean because I have a chance to learn. When you're a big fish in a little ocean, like for me to, right now for me to pack up my bags and go to Denver, okay? And go there with ego and smash the open micers

and bump, bump, bump and open micers. You know, bump them, go, I'm going up next, like a gangster, try to do that. That, it doesn't, I don't like that. I don't see the beauty in that. I never wanted to be that guy that came home and said, you know, I was at the comedy store and that's all I'm talking about, you know?

And you know, come on guy. So, you fucking do the best you can. You stay honest with yourself. You know, you're looking at other people and you go, wow, he's doing something that I'm not doing. You know, he's doing something I'm not doing. What is he doing to get ahead that I need to do? And you'll see and you jump on.

Life is a beautiful thing, guys. You know, you could either fucking sit on the bench or going and playing the game in life. It's up to you. And it's just fun. It's fun to, like when you try something, like I was scared as I was yesterday. Like, oh, and I'm not gonna name any names,

but we were doing a show in Vegas once and there was a new comic who had just been doing it. And you asked him if he wanted to go on and he didn't. And I get that. I get being scared to go on in front of like, I don't know what that was, a thousand people. And, but I think that might have been like the last time he did stand up.

Yeah, he lost. He lost. And you have to, you know, when somebody gives you an opportunity, you gotta jump on it. You know, I mean, listen, if fucking Guns N' Roses call me today and they said, hey, you know,

we want your band to open for us. I gotta evaluate the band to see if I'm ready for that. Are we ready for this? You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You know, this is hanging out with these fucking savages. This is a different music experience. So you have to be where you're comfortable. You know, you don't ever want to be somewhere,

like if I was doing comedy in 2000 and somebody called me to go on a major tour, I was a little stupid. I would have done it, fucked myself up and then never worked again. Thank God nobody called me on a major league tour. They called me later on when I could do it, you know? Right.

But succeeding at anything, you gotta stick it out. We've discussed this for fucking 12 years about just keep showing up and good things are gonna happen eventually, eventually. What's that stupid fucking cliche expression? No good deed goes unpunished. I'm telling you guys that I'm living proof.

Put your fucking work effort into it. You have to make a few sacrifices, you know? Just a few sacrifices, things that you really want to do that you can't do no more because this is what you want to do and this is what needs to be done. But it's also, that's why, whether I don't know if you want to call it a hobby

for me or not, but it's something that I don't really see what I'm doing for Santa, but at least not yet, as a sacrifice. And I'm sure eventually, if I wanted to like take it to the next level, it might feel like a sacrifice. But for right now, it's just, it's something that's only been fun.

You like the Boston Red Sox, right? Yes. You like the New England Patriots, of course. Okay, so when you fucking put your sneakers on and you leave your children, your wife, Athena, I leave Mercy and my wife to fucking go do whatever. That's huge, guys. There's people who never do that.

You know how hard it is for some people to put their sneaker? You know how hard it is for me to put my sneakers on a 730 for fucking the year I was here? Wasn't gonna happen. Wasn't gonna happen. But once you're willing to make the sacrifice, just that alone. I mean, if you live by yourself and you're a gemoke

in a basement and you have a pet lizard, it don't matter, you know what I'm saying? Hey, let lizard's fun hang out. We don't even eat lizard meat no more, so that's good. But you know, everything's a fucking sacrifice. And you have to go out at night, you like the Red Sox. You know, if it's a Sunday night, New England's playing late game,

you have to go do a spot. You know, these are all sacrifices, guys. I have to walk away from my daughter at dinner. It's all fucking sacrifices. And you know what, man? I think they always get rewarded. I think everything gets rewarded. I told you guys almost that the universe takes care of you.

But they have to see that you're making a fucking effort. And that's the most important fucking thing. And that's it for a beautiful fucking Monday morning in September. What I'm fucking around when I keep you here all day. It's Monday morning. We just want to put a good word into your ears so the rest of the week is fucking beautiful.

I'm doing the Sony Theater again. October 8th, do not pay over $40 for tickets. Lee will be here with me again. And the shows are gonna get bigger and better. I see it coming. I want to thank the Sony all for even thinking of me and it all worked out. And my fucking, the biggest star of the night,

Saturday night was laughing gas. I want to thank Scott and Joe Peppa and the crew from Laughing Gas. They came, they gave away t-shirts. They gave away bags. They gave away bags of rifa. Just a tremendous, I'm very proud to be together with Laughing Gas.

They really did a great job. And that's it and that's that. Thank you, brother. Thank you, brother. Thank you, Mike, for coming last night. It was a lot of fucking fun. And it's Monday morning, Coxuckers. You own this bitch.

I'll see you, Coxuckers, for Wednesday morning. Tip top, Magoo. Now for a word from my fucking sponsor, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I want to thank Lisa, I add, I want to thank Mike. But most importantly, I want to thank you, Savages, for always having my back. This week's podcast, today's podcast

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