Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #199 - Joey Diaz, Raf Esparza and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian Raf Esparza in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 07/28/2014.

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They will set it up for you if you want. You can set it up yourself. Mention Joey Diaz of the church and save an additional $250 off. Let's do this, Lee. It's Monday, July 29th. The day the devil sucked my dick 30 years ago. I made a decision. Fuck the devil.

We're going straight cocksucker. Little AC DC for you on a Monday morning. Walk all over you. The type of attitude you should be leaving the house with. Wash your pussy. Trim your eyebrows. Cut your toenails. Let's do this shit.

It's Monday. Everybody wants to get their dicks up. But nobody wants to wash that monkey. You know what I'm saying? Get it together, cocksuckers. The church of what's happening now. Grab your helmet. Salute the flag.

We ain't fucking around today. Jews, black people, new Christians, Chinese. Rise up. It's over, you bad motherfuckers. Let's do this, Lee. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? Joey Bananas?

Oh shit. Oh shit. Raph is in the house. Lee Syat's in the house. What? Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Or what?

Cut that shit, Lee, before I stab him, motherfucker. I'm feeling today. So church of what's happening now, July 29th, 2014. That's right. You made it, cocksucker. It's 2014. Can you believe that shit? In studio, I got my main man Raph Esparza from Verbal Tap Podcast.

And my main man to find you. What the fuck you been, cocksucker? I've been here, where you been? You picked that little fucking chick up on Thursday and nobody's seen you. You been at my A. You took her back to the Jewish cave and you just slung dick and ate fucking tacos all weekend, didn't you?

Pretty much. Unbelievable. You only left to get a little sun and to do the fucking stand master. And you go right back. Yeah, we do the stand master together and we go back. And who's beating who in the diet? Well, I've lost more pounds, but she has less to lose.

Okay. But it's been going great. And I saw big shout out, go see the Fluffy movie. You like it? You had a good time. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was cool. It was nice because I met him.

It was nice on the podcast. So that was fun. But it was nice to go support him and found a new place, which is really cool because I'm looking for places to eat that are good for calories, right? In that AMC Burbank. There's a place called Asian Box, which is the funniest name in the world.

But it's like an Asian Chipotle and it was fucking delicious. What'd you get? Beef with a whole bunch of veggies and brown rice. It was a huge fucking bowl for like 500 calories. It was fucking delicious. Come on. Yeah. With a nice, I go crazy for peanut sauce.

Like, you know that sauce they give you the saute? Yeah. Basically that, that stuff is my favorite. But I need a little fucking Jew helmet. I would. Oh my, I would. Fucking potasos. Saute.

Oh, you don't like, oh yeah, you don't like Thai food, I forgot. I don't fucking fuck with that shit. You know what I'm saying? You got to keep it together. Reno was tremendous. It's great though. It's, it's progressed Reno. It looks good.

It used to be 1978. Now they got it up to 1990 fucking one. It's tremendous. They're still walking around with their white snake t-shirt. But I had a good time. Reno's a fucking great little town. I want to give a shout out to the pioneer underground Wayne. It was a great little club.

It's cute. It's downstairs. It's basically an underground theater. The only thing I didn't like was that there's a, what do you fucking call that? Like they have a break in the show. Intermission. Intermission? Yeah.

Intermission because it's a theater. So there's no real waitress coming. So how to work opener to guests and then they take like a 15 minute intermission. People go to the bar, take a pee, get booze, which in a way it's better, you know. Yeah. You sit on the fence and you're like, what should I do? I'm going to be up there and watch people pee. Listen, I'm going to fucking pee.

If I'm drinking, I'm fucking peeing. That's part of the thing, you know. Right. So, you know, and it was just different. Have you ever had a show with an intermission before? Yeah. I've done big theater shows with an intermission. So, but this was a little small.

I didn't do great numbers. The second show, Saturday was sold out. The early show was like maybe a hundred people and maybe Friday was a hundred people. What's around Reno? Where else could they come from? You're close to San Francisco. You're close to San Jose. Did I ever tell you how I fucking ended up in Reno the first time?

No. I didn't say that to tell you that story. I don't think so. I'm in San Francisco. It's 1985. I don't even know fucking Reno exists. Sure. All right.

Nobody knows Reno exists. I'm a young kid. I just knew the big cities and I was insane. This is why I was listening to this AC DC. If you watched last night, I posted the AC DC, that last album with Bond Scott. And down the block from there, there was a whole, I lived in the Tenderloin. The Tenderloin was San Francisco's worst fucking neighborhood. I mean, terrible.

I saw a guy, I woke up one day and went to Original Joe's and I saw a blood crime scene. That was just horrific. And I grew up in New York City. Did you still go to Original Joe's? Fuck yeah. I went two weeks ago in San Jose. You walked over him? Listen, I don't care if they make a wall of hummus, I will go through that Original Joe's.

Even a wall of hummus won't fucking keep me away from that fucking place. And I hate hummus breath. Right? So it was horrific. Like the blood on the floor looked black and it was everywhere. It was in puddles. Like I never saw anything like that. San Francisco, they don't fuck around.

I saw some good fistfights on the street. I saw some good fistfights. Oh, old school fistfights. You know, drag them down, head through fucking glass windows. That type of shit where you're just sitting there going fuck. Yeah. If I get into a fight on the street, it's on. I mean, it was on.

Let me tell you what I saw there. There's different. Every, you know, when Michael Vick got arrested and he spoke about the dog. Just so you motherfuckers know, I ain't fucking around here. And when they talked about Michael Vick and the dogs, they exposed it as something of the black culture. Okay. They said that dog fighting, like for Spanish people, chickens, whatever the fuck they make. Roosters fighting.

Yeah. Roosters is a fucking cultural thing. When you go to Mexico or Cuba or any Latin American state to gamble, they got eight horses. They had a horse that they would have ate it already. They would have had a horse. So you have these little chickens and people fighting, right? Yeah. I know they have them up in Calabasas.

They have them in different locations around East LA. You go to fucking Rooster Fight. Fuck yeah. Well, you got 10 million Mexicans. What do you think they do? Part-time Disneyland? Fuck it. Sometimes you got to get two chickens and put them together.

You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you don't get enough money to get a fluffy fucking thing. How much does it cost? How much is it to promote a chicken fight? Have you considered that? One flyer? No. Two fucking chickens, a backyard, some beer, some tacos.

That's it. What's the cost? What do you pay the fighters? There's no salaries. There's no insurance. We think chickens have fucking insurance. They got to show up. No chickens have cut in the pay-per-view.

No. There's no pay-per-view. You don't got to cut in the fucking manager and the agent. It's cheap. That's what we are. We make the best of what we have. See, that's a good market for you. You should become a chicken's agent.

Just start managing chickens. Let me ask you something. What if I send you over there to fucking battle it out with those cucks? Let me ask you this. So, you know, the cultural thing for, I don't know what it is. You know, for Mexico, maybe it's that. Maybe it's things I don't know. But for Cubans, when they get into, you know, when Fidel let Mariel out in 79, people know

this because of Scarface. He just didn't let out 100,000 nice Cubans. He let out 30,000 nice people and 70,000 animals. And I'm talking because there was a jail in Cuba called El Morro. El Morro is fucking horrendous. They don't even have bathrooms. They have a hole in the floor in the middle of the, they have like floors and it's like GVMAC.

Yeah. Like you're in that auditorium naked. They take your clothes. If I took your clothes, what would that make you, Lee? You're fucking animal. Yeah. So they created these animals in Cuba. This jail, you know, and in that, in that Cuban jail system, relationships blossom.

Cuba has a relationship thing called Humbugarón. Humbugarón is a dude who dates gay guys, but they go the extra mile. They keep them dressed up. As girls? As girls. Okay. So I'm on the street all day slinging blow with my chick next to me. And it's really a guy with a wig with hairy arms, high heels.

And I'm bitch slapping him. He's running errands for me. He's going home to fucking. You were doing this or this? No. I was like, what are you talking about? This is a new story. There was, there was an I'm in there.

I just want to make sure. Yeah. What would that happen? But I'm with you. No, no, no. I hung out on the drug corner. Okay. I'm walking through San, I get to San Francisco.

I got a one in Boulder. The cops looking for me in Boulder. I take a flight to San Francisco. I get off the bus. I go to the nearest fucking hotel. I'm like, well, let me walk around. I walk around. I bump.

I hear Cuban talk when I bump into these Cubans. I'm like, I'm fucking home. I hadn't been around a Cuban since my mother died in 79. So it's 85. So when you hear Spanish, you can be like, that's Cuban. Yeah. You can tell. I go back and they like, yeah, there's 300 of us on this neighborhood.

So I would go there every day. The leader was an old man named Puto. Puto was the old man. His hair was white. So they called him the pure one. And that's where you went for advice and you spoke to him. And he didn't speak no English. And your entry was every morning you had to bring him a bottle.

OK. So I would bring him like a little pint of scotch. And he would say, God bless you. And the rest of my day would get going. So now I was allowed to traffic on the corner. Oh, OK. So I would bring him his little bottle of booze. And he wouldn't say shit to me.

He'd say, listen, when this guy comes, be careful. When this guy comes, he sells coke. So I would go down to the corner and just hang with them. And I'd say, I see a tourist. You ever go to a town and you see a guy walk up to you and go, hey, you want to buy some weed? And they'll, yeah, come on, let me introduce you. That was me.

That was me. Like, that's how fucking crazy. That was one of my many hustles. That was one of my many hustles. And then I got into selling coke with them and fucking shaking people down with them. It was great. But while I was there on that corner, I had heard about something

that my mother used to always mention about. It's a fucking guy who fucks men, but he dresses them up. And this guy was married with kids. And he had a house in San Francisco. But in the daytime he'd fuck around with his monster. He had created this fucking, this fucking thing he had created. So weird. And he lived with her in the daytime.

So if you wanted to buy coke, like, I would have to deal with him to buy coke. Like, I would have to buy like, yeah. On those days, he'd give me like, you know, 20 spoons, $10 spoons for $150. So I could make 50 bucks if I sold all of them. Okay. So that was one of my many angles.

I would have to go to his house in the morning and the guy would have his wig on halfway on. And he'd have like a beer, like not shaving the night before. And if the guy didn't know where he was one time, he smacked him right in front of me. It was fucking amazing. Like, he just cursed her out and started smacking his bitch right. And there was no domestic violence.

You know, it's like Ms. Pat. When Ms. Pat was on the podcast, she spoke about how she had a relationship when she was 12 with a 25-year-old man. In a white community, that's child molestation. In a black community, it's just another motherfucking day. You know what I'm saying? And that's how that life's sold for me to see it. Like, I had heard stories about, you know, men dating other men

and fags fucking each other in the ass. But I had never saw a man that dressed up in a suit that was like a businessman. And next to him, he had a man with a wig on that I was supposed to bring in here. And you guys supposed to say, oh, yeah, that's a woman. It was the weirdest scenario. So if you said to him, are you gay?

But no, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm a booger. He sucks my dick. That's them in town. The guy sucks my dick. I don't suck dead dick. He sucks my dick.

I fuck him in the ass. That's it. And he sucks my dick. And I come on his wig. And whatever else goes with the relationship. You know what I'm saying? So how did you find Reno? So how I found Reno, I used to.

I was on that corner one day. And I had my girlfriend with me at the time. Who's my first, the chick I married. Before I went to when I came out of prison, Kathy. So she's a young girl. We're young kids. We're 21. I'm 21.

I'm 21. It's the summer. It's August, maybe September of 85. So what could it be? It was 29 years ago. I'm 51 years old, guys. How fucking old can I fucking be? 22, y'all.

That's crazy. So it's me and her. And I kept breaking into what I did. I had 18 occupations. But my main occupation was I'd dress up in a suit and I'd go to the Hilton. And I'd wait for people to check in. And I listened to them having conversations at the concierge and the hotel front desk. And if I saw them turn right around.

I mean, guys, when I tell you I was a scumbag, I was a scumbag. I would get the keys to the fucking hotel rooms. In those days, the maids didn't have electronic keys. So they opened your keys with regular keys and they leave your key in the door. I'd walk by and go, hello, I need towels. If they went in that room, I'd take the keys out of the fucking thing. Now the next day I'd dress up in a suit. They couldn't change all the locks that fucking fast.

I had them. I had them. So I would come in and dress with a suit. I'd get the Wall Street Journal. I'd sit and once I'd go, I'd see people walk into the hotel and check out. It was all over. I'd count them. Once I'd seen them go west on fucking whatever street, I'd shoot up to their room and burglarize them.

I was fucking nuts, guys. So I would be doing that. I was cashing hot Travelers checks. Travelers checks were huge. American Express Travelers checks because as soon as you lose them, they replace them. You're following, there's no electronic guy like there's no now with a credit card. I got to swipe it. So if I steal your Travelers checks, you just go.

That's your money. Yeah, that's your money. You just go to a bank and replace them. That's American Express' guarantee. But they can't put a stop hold on the ones you lost. There were individual pieces of paper. They're like cash, $50 a piece. By the time they found out, it would have been too late.

So I would go to Koreatown or Japanese town. Up by Van S Street, there's a Japan town. I would go to Japan town and use them. The Japanese wouldn't ask you for ID. They didn't give a fuck. A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse. You got to match the signature on the thing and have an ID. The Japanese store, they didn't give a fuck.

So you went into a place, bought a two-hour piece of gum, and gave them a $50 fucking Travelers check. And they give you back $48 cash. Oh, okay. Do you follow how you fucking make the money there? That's the bottom level of the street shit. But that bottom level makes you $500, $600 a day. How would you find $500, $600 a day worth of it? I just told you.

So let's say I went to your room and you left Travelers checks up there. Oh, so you just happened to find them. You didn't have a way to get them all the time. Oh, I could get them too, because people would bring them to me. They were stolen. So let's say I would sit on a corner. People knew I spoke English. So they, the Cubans, the Mexicans, anytime they got something that they couldn't make happen, they come to me.

I was the middle man. I was there for 50 fucking percent of the tape. You understand? I mean, I was fucking young and crazy. And the thing is, when people get Travelers checks, they don't just get like $20 worth. No. They're bringing plenty of, like, that's their spending money for their vacations. Oh, okay.

So a good day, you could probably, God, no. So I'd have 15 guys out there looking for Travelers checks. And they would bring them to me because they knew they'd get 50 percent of the dollar. So if they came to me with a thousand dollars worth of Travelers checks, I would go out and buy shit for them, because I had the face, the ID, the fucking suit. And I would give them back 500 or 400, whatever. And I would keep 300 or 400. I'd shop at the same time.

But I'd have to shop in Japan time, in this Japaneseville. You know, there was other places that wouldn't look at your car. It's a fucking scam. And everybody's on it. That's why I don't want people at home to think, well, no, everybody's on it. Everybody knows. Because what, those merchants are going to get their money back from American Express too. Once they deposit those 50s, they're going to go, oh, those are stolen.

Hey, man, what about the fucking, he bought a camera. He bought a TV set. He bought a house. You know, whatever the fuck. So I have a thousand things going on. I have the drugs, that shit. I'm breaking into rooms. Before you tell me about this, how quickly, when you get to a new city, are you setting,

like, I can't even imagine. It took me 72 hours to get there. And you set up a whole criminal organization? No fucking thing. 72 hours. You get one person going. You prove yourself. And that's it.

You're not a cop. You're in. You're in. And every day people are like, hey, man, you know, it's like when I lived in New York, I would go over to the city and buy so much weed in the city. One day they go, dude, you should help us sell weed. Because people are unemployed. That's what they do in New York City.

So you would go to the corner and some guy would go, here's 20 nickel bags and $5 a piece is $125. Correct? 20 is 100 bucks. 100. Give me 50 of that. Go sell. So that's how fucking people make their money.

You sell 300 nickel bags, whatever it is, you make yourself 150 dollars. That's a lot of money. Yeah. 150 dollars, a lot of money for some people. And if they could do that by fucking lunchtime to feed their daughter, whatever the fuck they have, you know, you can't judge them. That's what they do. That's what the fuck they do.

Right. So I was involved in so many different things as a street criminal that one day the cops were looking for me. I broke into this room. They caught me in the room, but I talked myself out of the cops. But the people were German tourists and they called the fucking other cops and said, what the fuck just happened? We've been robbed and they let the guy go.

So now the cops are coming to the hotel. So I walk into my hotel and the hotel desk clerk says to me, the cops are on their way into your room. Get out. Next time we go to San Francisco, I'll take you to the Virginia hotel. It's now the hostel. And if you make a left down to the main street and you make a right up a block, there's a bus station.

So when I found out the cops were looking for me, I ran for it. Me and the girl, you know, come on, let's go. We got to go. So we went to a bus station to decide what we were going to do. And they're like, a bus leaves for Reno in seven minutes. And you're like, fuck it. Let's get the bus to Reno and give us the time to clear our minds. It was like, I don't know, $8 for the bus to Reno.

And they gave you a $10 coupon pack and you got to eat and shit like that. And then you have a return bus ride. So me and her went to Reno for the night. Like, well, let's go to the bus. Let's go to Reno. Let's take our chances. We'll come back. We got a little bit of cash.

We'll gamble. We're on the bus and we meet this fucking across. In those days, buses had bathrooms. Yeah, yeah. We were right by the back and there was this little Egyptian dude. I didn't know what he was. I just thought he was a half a Hindu. So I didn't give a fuck.

But finally we started talking. In those days, I didn't know nothing. In those days, I thought there were Cubans, Mexicans, Chinese, Japanese and Puerto Ricans. That's it. That's all I had ever met. I just come out of Jersey. A couple of Jews and Germans and Italians. I didn't know nothing about Hindus and fucking Egyptians and fucking Ali, Bhagwan.

I didn't know nothing about nothing. I didn't know. I was a fucking dumb fucking kid. So here I am on the bus staring at this Mexican and he comes over and he goes, no, I'm Egyptian. Sit down. That's tough. And he goes, you want to get high? He goes, sure.

So he rolled the fucking joint. He had, that's the first person ever who showed me real hash. I was going to say, did he have hash? That's the first person ever that goes, let me tell you what I got. And he opened up a bag, like a duffel bag. This is way before anybody carried a fucking those bags. He carried a bag and he had a little brick of hash with like wax paper on it and he poured the wax paper back and you could see the stamp.

That's the first time I had ever saw a stamp. I had heard of it. He had the fucking block of hash stamped with a gold steel of approval. That means it was good. And he took it, he broke it on the plane, but he mixed it with nicotine. I had never smoked before. They mixed hash with nicotine. A little bit of weed and they rolled it up and he lit that motherfucking swift on the

bus dog. The bus driver had to pull over. I had to puke because I had never smoked nicotine. And he took like a weed hit. You take a weed hit. Oh my God. I got pale. Temperature fucking dropped.

3000 degrees. And I remember walking through Reno and getting my thing together. I had weed. I had lost the Egyptian kid. It was me and Kathy. And I had weed and I kept asking people, what do I got? Rolling papers. And let me tell you how in those days they give you 30 fucking years if you had weed and

Reno in 1985. Weed was so bad that the criminals were even going, please stay. Can you get away from us? So like criminals were like... Like, can you go away from us because you're fucking... You're going to get arrested and you're going to put weed on us. I remember I was going to a black neighborhood in Reno, like outside the liquor store, going, who's got rolling papers?

And they're like, don't even talk about that shit around here. That's how crazy even rolling papers were in 1985 in Reno. Wow. Yeah. When we went to Vegas last week, I was trying to pretend like I wasn't high because I had heard that Nevada is really not cool with weed, but apparently now it's okay. Lee, listen, when you're high, nobody gives a fuck. You know what I'm saying?

It's true. Where's Tony Bennett at? Let's get this day started right. Little Tony Bennett will get to my man over here, Rafa Sparza. Little Tony Bennett for the motherfuckers to soothe him. It's classic. Give my mom a little fucking light up there in hell where the fuck she is having hell. Perga, sorry.

Who gives a fuck? I want to be around. Oh shit. Two, pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Lee, get it together, cock-suck. You want some more? Can we bet on the next one? Oh, okay.

That happens to me. I know that your resistance is getting a little fucking you. Look, check it out. I'm sure you do. I'm a backup just to guess. I'm sure you have like a tool belt like Batman with just an edible. Ready to go. That would be really funny.

I do probably have a utility belt with belts and weed and pipes and fucking vapor pens. You better trademark that shit. Someone's going to draw it. Someone's going to draw it and send it to us by the time this podcast is over. What are you going to do? Things are bad all over. Rafa Sparza, talk to me, you bad motherfucker. What's happened, baby?

Well, first of all, thank you for having me on. This is beautiful. I bumped into you at the Jiu Jitsu party yesterday. Rafa has a very popular podcast, which I did and I just wanted to get him on. And I joined the Jiu Jitsu BJJ Jiu Jiu Journal. Yeah. I got on there. What did you think of it?

So far, I like that I could. So far, I can't figure out how to write the techniques in there. Yeah. There's a couple of things I'm confused about, but I like that you could put your calendar dates in there. Yes. You know how many times you trained in a month? And then the notes, I've been writing the techniques on learning.

Good. Yeah. It's a site put together by one of our friends, BJJTrainingJournal.com. It's basically like a log. You know, every sport now is telling you log your shit. If you're running, use this Nike watch, all this bullshit. But at Beach, you had this really cool idea of not only tracking days that you're going, but also a tap tracker where you can actually count how many times you beat or lose to somebody

if you're into that, like whatever motivates you. You can do it technique. You can send a technique to your friends. So it's really, really cool. We were really big proponents of it when he told us about it. And the other thing is he's an upstanding guy. Anytime you get somebody who you know is a good human being, you want to get behind that when they're doing good shit.

And I remember the first time he showed it to me, I almost didn't want to tell my co-host. I was like, I don't want him to know this because it's really good. And if he finds out he's going to use it, so I'm just going to keep it on the secret for a little while. Dude, honestly, and maybe you feel the same way, but when I update that shit, it'll show you how many days you've been going per month or per 60 days or per 90s days. And it'll show you in rankings for jiu-jitsu. So it equates them.

It's like, oh, you've gone once a week. That's a white belt. You've gone three times a week. You've made it up to blue. I'm now up to like 5.16 and I'm still at fucking brown belt level for there and I'm like, how many fucking days do I have to go a week to get to fucking black belt? Yeah. I mean, these people need to have a life and actually not train jiu-jitsu like one day

off maybe. But man, it's changed a lot of my game. So for me, I love seeing that this month, it was like five days a week. So that even as you know, when you're gigging, trying to get out there to do this shit is so hard to find the time. But it's a nice reinforcer. So you know, I know that you don't have much with you just a friend of ours. It was weird because when I signed up on the site, he sent me a personal email and he goes,

is this John Evans, Joey Diaz? And I go, yeah, he goes, oh, it's great to have you on the site. And one thing I was having problems with that I was doing in every other aspect. For me, I've done this in every other aspect of my life because I consider myself an unintelligent person is that I write everything out, especially when it comes to stand up, you know, to stand up if you're not looking at those jokes analytically and going, wow, that word doesn't belong in there. You're really not doing stand up.

You know, it's kind of weird. And I didn't do that for 15 years. So I really wasn't doing stand up. And it's weird when I first joined Jiu-Jitsu, I would base my goal would be just to survive. If I can make the class and not have a heart attack and not leave it in an ambulance. I did okay. What I learned, I could give a Frenchman's fuck what I learned. I'm just don't want to die today.

That's it. And I never thought about writing and I would go home, I go to a class and I go to a town where they go one a row, yeah. And I would see an opening for that move that John Evan taught or Marcello and I grabbed a leg and do this and Austin, I get choked up and I go, what did I do wrong? Well, I didn't write to move out when I learned it. So I started running home after my gigs, maybe a month before we had our little meeting, running home.

Wouldn't even take a call. Wouldn't even call anybody. Sometimes I get in the car and I have three missed calls fucking. When I get home to drop my bag and write down what I learned, step by step, left leg here right. Yes. And he has switched your hips, move your left knee under his armpit, pull his body over and now you can open up the fucking leg.

I mean, just little things that was, and I still do it. Like I still go home and miss a fucking point and go to class two days later and fuck it up. Like I was doing Thursday. Thursday was the most interesting class I've ever been involved with because I never had so much problems with a move that involved your feet. Yeah. It involved our feet and we could not get it.

I think one of us got it and the other guy would do it. Then we'd mess it up again. You know, and it's just little things like that that make the difference. Whether you're going to pick up a guy that's a hundred pounds heavy in you or you're going to use your, or you're going to bench press him. You know, there's techniques that they teach you that you couldn't maneuver a guy that's 80 pounds bigger than you. If you stick to that technique with the momentum that you have going, but if you miss that little

inch, you're just going to put more workforce on to you. You know, like the other day when I was trying to move you and that fucking caveman around. Exactly. He's a fucking caveman. He can't move that motherfucker. You know, he's a wall of brick. So you know, it's funny as you mentioned this. So any good comic should always be rained down shit.

You've got pen and paper right there. I'm a huge fan of mole skins. Look at this right here. This is actually, it doubles as a log that I used to use for jiu-jitsu. This is all the way back from like 2012 and I went to visit a place and I would do the same thing. You see, it's like, as you got shot in on move arm, back of head and through the neck. Pay me hands is what we used to refer to that.

I don't know why, but the first time I heard pay me hands, I was like, got it. That was the easiest, I think, thing anybody has ever told me. But I, and doing it on here just became so hard because this became where I do my comedy. So I would think, oh yeah, you know, I'd write a joke here, no problem. It got to this point where I'd be like, oh fuck, joke goes here, skip five pages, put training here. And I would look at this, but not as religiously as I would as something on the computer. So when I found that website, I was like, this is a game changer.

This is gonna, you know, and I'm not great at jiu-jitsu, but I have what I like to call and we'll talk about this, I think in a second, but like a comics work ethic where I'll put it in the time. I'll show up. And there's something about comedy and jiu-jitsu that is very similar in the fact that you suck for the very beginning, you know, you're open mics, you're doing all this shit. You think you're probably good, but you're probably not. But you continue working at it and you develop this muscle of getting better.

So for me, I would just go home, write the shit down. Before you knew it, I found that there are things that I was better at, not great at. And it's a matter of chaining those things together for me. And that's why when I fucking go, like beating people is like secondary. I'm hugely competitive with myself. And training partners, I want to make them get better, help everybody do that sort of thing. But for me, if I'm improving from where I came in, that's the competitiveness that

I like, that I walk in and I go, oh shit, I was better than I was when I walked back in. So, you know, John was showing us some great half guard stuff last week, the Thursday. It was tough, man. I mean, you know, the funny part is, I think you understand this, when somebody just shows you it and it looks like super simple, they just go, what, you guys didn't, they do it real fast. You didn't do it.

You guys can't do that. That's crazy. I don't know why you can't do that. You've been drilling it for years. And I get this expectation like, okay, what the fuck hand here? I don't know what the fuck to do. Yeah, I never did jiu-jitsu, but I wrestled for a bunch of years and it was a big difference between a good coach and like a coach who could teach you what you're doing because

that's, I'm sure it can get really frustrating, especially when you're teaching white belts. Even in jiu-jitsu, I'm sure the guy teaches a white belt class, must have a couple weeks at the beginning of each new, each new class, like, what the fuck, I hate white belts. But it takes a special person, I think, to teach, like, the big, the big, the big, the big... What's patience? Patience. Yeah.

I mean, we lucked out. I looked for the better part of two years within the Valley, going to every place. And I could find things that I liked about certain places, but I never found somebody who had my style of teaching. And then I stumbled on the jackpot between at Valley Martial Arts Center. We've got a guy named Marcelo, Marcelo de Pauly, and he, man, he works you to the bone, but he strips you of all of your strength doing something we call Marcelo Madness, which is high-end cardio and some crossfit in there, too, so that you have to depend on the technique.

You're stripped of all your strength, so everybody's kind of same level. And if you know the technique, you're able to beat somebody. And on our morning classes or afternoon classes, we have John Evans, who's all-American, Captain America, if you would, who, like, never, ever says the following, like, you can't do it. John Evans is this guy who just is like, oh, well, that was really good, Raph. Jesus, I mean, you know, you did a great back roll, and now you're doing this, and you're doing great. And the thing is, he's not bullshitting.

Like I know a bullshitter when I see it. So when he's telling you this, it's a good encouragement, and he's not telling you the technique is right if it's not. He's telling you this aspect of what you're doing is great. So when I found this combination of this and the people, I was like, fuck yes, I've got my spot. And they just celebrated three years yesterday. So it's fun.

I took my wife yesterday. I took Mercy, and Mercy jumped around and jumped on the mats, and when I got in the car, my wife goes, you know, Joey, I can see why you come here now. It's because I really get it. It's because I really get it. I go, it's your little escape. And I go, it's two days a week. It's one hour and a half that I go, and nobody cares about comedy, and nobody knows what

I'm doing this weekend. And that's so important to me, you know, when she told me, because I wish I had, but I could see her looking at the pictures, and she's like, I'll put Mercy in something like this. I go, you know, my life was completely different as a child when I did martial arts. Don't get me wrong. I was still a fucking savage, but I belonged to something, and I belonged to something that, and I don't mean to use this, I'm not saying it about you, I was around good people. I wasn't around the people I was around.

I was around. And those days we called them geeks, and what we did was on, I mean, it was amazing. I had these two lives. I had this life that I played basketball, and I cursed with these guys, and we got fist fights, and, you know, we smoked a little bit of pot after the games, and then I had this life with these white kids and these Spanish kids that nobody did drugs. These guys didn't even talk about that. These guys wouldn't even consider raising their hands to people.

They were very decent, and our adventures were, we worked out. Everybody had a basement. Everybody's mother had a basement. You put your geeks on, you swept the floor, and you fucking kicked the shit out of each other, and then you went and ordered pizza. It's a weird thing when you're a child. And on Saturdays we'd take a bus, we'd each take a bus and go into New York into a place called Honda.

Honda, at that time Honda Unlimited, I don't even know if they're still in business, was one of the biggest martial arts supply stores that you had ever seen. They had floors. Floors. You ever go to Valley Martial Arts Center down the corner? They've been there since 1960, and they have, you go in there, and it's a museum. If you really like that, they have pads, and pictures, and new chucks, and stars, and Japanese ointments for your hand, and you know, fucking hard, everything, and that's what Honda had.

So we would go in there and go, wow, look at that geek, oh, I'm saving up for that. You know, oh my God, look at those new chucks, oh, we're saving up for that. It's 19, I mean, and I would hang out with kids that delivered newspapers to save up for new chucks, and then the next day I would go hang out with kids who stole the newspapers from the machines and sell them to make, do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? It was a different work ethic, and I was between both, I was in a rock and a hard place. I loved hanging out with my geeks, Mario Diaz was a geek, a Cuban chemistry geek, but at night he was a fuja pai kung fu guy, and his father was Cuban, his mother was Chinese,

so he'd go to his basement, and he'd beat us up and then talk to us about his chemistry set, and he was a fucking geek, we used to call him a stein, because he was a Frankenstein, whatever, like you know, like you need potions, we used to call him a stein, because Diaz because he made potions and shit but meanwhile he'd fuck your world up with trip and he was a sweeper this country forgot to sweep the sweep was huge I don't know why nobody's sweeping in in in UFC you kick somebody three times the fourth one is a sweep and next you know they're in the air this guy was a sweeper and he spun swept you so he'd suck you in with the spinning back kick

from a distance and then once you got closer to him BAM! and next thing you know he was spinning and you were up in the air and I remember going in there like years later I bumped into him and I was all drugged up and he never judged me you should give me a hug and I go Mario can we go pee can I pee in your house and I went into his house to pee and he goes come on let's go I remember looking in the basement where we used to fight as kids you know this was I mean I grew up in Mario's house between the ages of maybe like 9 and 14 I fought in his house and this is maybe when I was like 18 and

fucked up and he knew I was fucked up but he let me in his house to pee and I remember walking in that room and smelling that room and seeing all the holes in the wall that we had to cover with posters huh because we would put each other through the fucking walls and those you know wall it was nothing in those days yeah a wall was dry wall with a hole behind so if I go to kick up you know you know one of those power sidekicks and you move my foot would go right through the fucking wall I don't know how many times Mario's father drove kids to the hospital I have no idea how many times Mario's father 11 o'clock at

night had to get up and drive I knew for a fact he drove a kid once for like an arm Mario busted his fucking arms and the guy was hanging there with his bones taking out going this how tough this kid was I don't need to go to no fucking hospital I need to go to the hospital my my father broke his arm he didn't go to the hospital the kid was talking to us that's how tough he was so it's it's really weird what it does for me any place when I walk in for martial arts especially Valley yeah Valley I was scared shit when I go I'm still scared how are you I get a note I got a note yesterday from somebody I got

two notes yesterday I got a note from a kid that said that he joined jujitsu he's works with Cincinnati Reds okay as a clubhouse boy or something he joined jujitsu and that there's times he drives you just who looks in and drives the fuck away that was me for the first 90 days that place you know how many times I drove to the front said there's nobody here yeah and there was fucking tons of people there and then another kid wrote me yesterday that he got his brother bought him something for Hagan Machado thing yesterday and caused bad or something and he goes I didn't want to go I've gone to class Wednesday Thursday

Friday and I got beat up and he goes so I went to the Hagan seminar yesterday and it was the best thing I've done for my life good friend yeah you got yeah I get scared in the beginning I was really scared I'll tell you you know anxiety is a huge thing I remember when I first started for me and then maybe it's the same for I don't know but I like connecting with people so if I connect with people really quick and I form a good bond and I feel like I like the people I can I can chill there and I can be fine because the thing is when you start off you're terrible and you can't reach them on a technique level yet like

you can't connect and say oh man that was was a great sweep that I did or I know this transition so you don't have that there you've got interpersonal stuff so my my role in making me feel comfortable at the very beginning was to crack jokes and just walk in and like talk about how shitty I was I was like man that was really shit and there are people who are jujitsu are such you have to believe it you have to wholeheartedly believe you can become better so there's this whole psychology of no you can do it so when I would go in there I'd make jokes about how shitty I was they're like no you're great and I was

like but let's be real you choked the shit out of me in two seconds and they just start laughing I was like all right now once you get people laughing they're on your side they want to help you and they want to get there so at first anxiety terrible but I would force myself just I would just literally walk in even on days when I was feeling low or I didn't feel like I was at their level I would just be like fuck it you know I can I can make them on my terms and the thing I loved about Valley Martial Arts is when I walked in I was greeted I could see the students I love the space and I when I interacted with the students they

weren't meatheads they weren't stupid they weren't overtly super nerds I mean they're nerds but they weren't combative nerds it was just a friendly environment and having that that connected this it makes the hugest difference and now when I go to other gyms I see it a lot more I see a lot of people who are so open they recognize me from the podcast or from being some idiot that they know on TV or something like I don't know from whatever things that we're doing and they're open they want they go out of their way to be nice to us and it's a truly great feeling and I know that now you've got

people who are offering to have you come roll with them and I know that's it's the same thing you find when you go to those places and I love it I love going to interact with people now it's funny that you and I have been talking a lot about comedy and jujitsu yeah if it wasn't for my comedy experiences I would have quit jujitsu last July after how long two months it's two months in July okay because it just wasn't going nowhere it just wasn't going nowhere for me even today I've been doing and I've seen a bit of improvement I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you not for the improvement you know you all want to do flying on bars you

know you know I the weird part is I don't know the other people gauge it you know you've had John Evans on and you've had a lot of you had Kyle on and at different points of your journey on here but I don't know if your listeners and your viewers know how much you've improved and it's drastic it really is and you see it and sometimes this is the best thing for me too is you don't know until someone confronts you and tells you you've made improvements and for me watching you do your journey their shit that you're doing and this is one of my favorite notes and you need to know this John Evans told me this the other day

was just like you know what I would I'm really happy with Joe ideas when I tell him to do something he doesn't say no I go try this and he does it and he goes even if it's hard for him he does it and he makes really good improvements on it and I was like dude John Evans can talk about any student and make an example out of them but he chose to use you so I think that was stuff that you needed to know and and I think it's good to know that kind of benchmarking that you're at you have to have a trust yeah nothing bothers me when somebody who needs help with comedy comes to me takes my time up I bump into him three weeks later and

he's doing something I'm here to learn from you if you know about podcasting this is what I know about what Joey how the fuck who said you listen I get on stage every night you don't let's leave it at that if I need to help with the computer I come to you open your heart and listen to me yeah it's very hard to get somebody to do that it's very hard to get somebody to say when when John Evans has me hold him sometimes and go switch your hips guys I'm 300 pounds I'm not gonna lie I can't switch my hips just land on a hip you know I'm saying it's like Alejandro's a sweetheart of a guy a guy from John Jack a purple belt

last week he was teaching me a movie because before we go any further have you ever rolled on your shoulder Joey no let's fucking do it together did you watch that I love that and he picked me up and rolled me on my shoulder and it was an inch from going I felt it right here when I was rolling on it I felt the 300 pounds I was an inch from it going pop from it just twisting and breaking but he took me to a different dimension and I did it when somebody tells you and somebody loves you and somebody loves you and you know when they got love for you not some guy that goes hey come here go punch that dude no yeah I'm

talking about when the motherfucker got love for you and he calls you and goes come here do me a favor see that guy man go up to him and fucking punch him in the fucking mouth there's no question there's no what what did he do to you what did he do I want to know so trust me we're gonna get this motherfucker cracking this is saying and I take it back to put your foot there jump up and down you're the if if John try to tell me about comedy I go John shut the fuck up shut the fuck up but John's tell me about what I know this guy knows about yeah so I have to trust him you have to trust the people you're about nothing is worse than going

to a class and you've seen this where a teacher teaches an arm bar and there's always one jerk off that said well I learned it this way at a different place I'm gonna do it this way try it my way yeah just fucking shut your fucking mouth and try it this way you might put both of them together and that's where the art really is of taking a little bit of Rafi style a little bit of fucking the flying Jew style a little bit of my style and putting it together I want people to come to me and say you got that from Rafi mm-hmm I want Rafi to pull me aside and go you motherfucker you stole that move from me but you added the

arm bar to it yeah new motherfucker Rafi you're gonna be mad not at all not a real artist you're a real jujitsu guy that's what real people do that's just what this is about do you know I love to do I love to teach people especially if I've caught him with something I like to teach him it and go this is exactly what I did because I say I don't want to beat you with this anymore I want this to be harder for me and I want you to know exactly what I'm gonna do because it's it's harder if you've taught them how to do it that they started doing it and truth be told one of the first things I remember teaching you was like a

cross-collar to kind of maintain position I'll be damned if the next week you weren't doing that shit to me when we're jockeying for position I was like this and I couldn't be happier about it be happy do you remember you and I went to listen to the story you and I went to have a drink one night do comedy in Hollywood at a place right and we see the hot check but not a bar that I knew mm-hmm remember that girl yeah remember when she walked away I go look at this fucking dummy what I say this fucking dumb cunt didn't listen to me because she's bartending yeah how caught was that girl she's pretty hot dog this bitch

was being touted out of Chicago okay this bitch was a waitress that was a part-time comic and somebody from the industry walked into Zany's and she was doing an open mic and told her when you moved to LA you contact this office and it wasn't a guy there was a woman who saw her from like innovative agency and she was casting it somewhere so she calls she sees me at the comedy club she goes hi you've done all these movies and all this and I just want to ask you some questions now between you and me guys in my heart I wanted to fuck this girl but at the time I think I was doing drugs and she was very sweet so I took

it with a guy looked at her eyes and I go this girl really wants help and on a Saturday I woke up fucking hungover from a hangover and I met this girl up to snort and blow whatever and I met this girl and out of my own pocket I took a lunch and sat with her for four hours and broke down stand up and what she had to do when you look that good don't sleep with guys you know all the girl and then you went away for this they were doing a movie in Chicago the fucking chick called them and said I got you three days on the movie in Chicago this chick was making waves out of Chicago guys she had a scene with usher she

did a scene with usher where she kissed them and this chick had a chance and all she needed was six minutes of fucking comedy and to shut her fucking mouth then when she came here I met with her again and the fucking girl that she was living with and we went over comedy and where to go and you know set a punchline and she went to the bookstore and bought stand-up comedy and you know and she was doing spots I mean it was amazing and then one day I talked I see it behind the gym and I go how the fuck are you did you go down to the to the improv because she's an improv girl no my friends told me to go to college cop you know

whatever the fuck this comedy thing was okay whatever the fuck it was like whatever plan we had discussed and the helper she spit in my face no and by the way you were wrong about that agency my girlfriend told me and I'm sitting there going your girlfriend told you you're looking at look at my fucking look at this fucking face this is the ugliest fucking thing on television and I'm getting television work and film work and you're telling me that your 22 year old girlfriend told you and the conversation yeah when's the next time I see it a year ago at that bar behind the bar bartending on a Monday night at the one that

used to be a capucho on sunset when I do comedy on Mondays and they do it's a sports bar now happy endings I see a beam and she's now she entered the realm of bartending she's the hot bartender chicken Hollywood she was engaged and she was gonna get married and that's her life and because she didn't she didn't fucking understand that you know what maybe I'm not fucking Dane cook but the kid looks the way he has and has survived in this he's doing something fucking right I always look to the guy that's doing something right right that's who I want to fucking hang out with whether he's not liked or whether I don't like

him I don't like his body when I said jujitsu and I don't know nothing when I walk into jujitsu first of all I leave everything in the car I don't even leave it at the door I leave it in the car which means there's no ego there's no joey Diaz there's no comedy there's no nothing I go in there my mind is completely open if I see Kyle do a hip escape a certain way and you do it I emulate it because it's working for them he has the fucking 10 stripes on this belt I have one he has you understand me that's always been my mentality I take things for what they are this girl spit in my face like many others I've had a

hundred thousand people have looked at me and said you don't know what you're talking about okay then do what you want to do I'm telling you do this I just had a guy two years ago that argued me the diner about a movie you want to do and I'm like bro if you do that movie if you sell it they're gonna add the character to it you know the female character the love interest yeah he's telling me no they're not but I own the script I own the script I don't bro I'm telling you they're gonna add you have too much dick in here this is not this is coming from somebody who's a nonwriter who's just seen a thousand movies you

never seen a movie by the name of the party yeah why was that chicken the departed what was her point and the departed the psychiatrist chick what was her fucking point I will sit here until you tell me her fucking point in the bucket what was her point she was hot okay my point anybody else have any other movie where we don't know the reason why that girl is there but she's fucking there anybody else that's what they do in Hollywood they love that thing it's like that school you go to that says no you need to start by the closed guard we don't pull guard here you need that sometimes you got to do what the

fuck you got to do if you got to make a fucking plan sometimes you got to make a left to make a right yeah you understand me so I don't get it I was telling this guy that I'm an idiot I'm a fucking asshole and I'm telling you you got too many explosions and too much cock in this movie there's gotta be a loving trist a girlfriend has to die a cancer something she loses a tit something has to happen here the English patient Rocky why was fucking Adrian in Rocky who the fuck knows she's a retarded woman they put it there she had a dog who the fuck knows but don't sit there and tell me Joey you don't know what the fuck

you're talking about sure enough he sells the thing for half price of some Iranian fucking terrorist company and they even talk even the Iranians like where is the love interest even they fucking do it in the fucking language so he calls me back goes dog I don't know what I should take the script back I go any studio you take it to I'm telling you it's gonna ask you for a fucking love interest and I'm no Pulitzer prize winner I just seen a thousand fucking movies we all name one movie that you watch that you go why the fuck is she here that's my Megan Fox has a career I'm sorry I get emotional no dude that

a needed to happen be I'm glad it happened see I'm as furious as you are because and again comedy jiu-jitsu overlap as somebody who I don't think I'm naturally talented at that sort of stuff I just know I work fucking hard and the thing is when I hear that somebody just blows that shit away nothing's more infuriating than that nothing nothing fucking oh my god I was at I was at the open mat two months ago and there was a heavier black belt from John John you ever see that nice bald head little chubby a guy yeah this guy came over to me in the middle of my coffee and puffing he goes can I talk to

you there cuz I'm a kid I'm a fat guy because I gotta tell you something I'm gonna tell you what John Jack told me you can jump up and down all you want you can get people in headlocks you got to lose the fat around your stomach because you're whatever's there what's that thing that helps you breathe lungs or a fill the other thing in the middle that you tap into when you do the breath of fire and whatever the diaphragm he goes no matter how you cut it you got to lose that fat around your stomach cuz you're diaphragm I giggled shook his hand I knew what he was talking about you know many people would

take offense to that yeah yeah leave when I talk to you sometimes and I fucking get mad at you you take offense but I'm not lying to you I'm your brother I'm not lying to you yeah I just getting furious because you're sitting up there looking at me like you don't know what the fuck you're talking about I don't know you thought that's when I get hot because that's how I was raised when somebody who knows what they're talking about you can't take offense people take offense you know you know many people have confidence as you're a great comic I stop cursing you're this that's your opinion I love fuck off but I don't

take offense to it because I know where it's coming from in their heart yeah I know some people who may be cute and say something some people you get to work cute but very very not it's hard to think about that at the beginning though like everyone like even even just like something like that I could see it even though if it's even though it's a nice person in the world it kind of feels like an attack like you get that's something I try to work on is I get defensive quickly I do I get it's hard not to but it's just to know that it's like if someone came over and told me like I'm trying to lose weight if

someone came over told me like oh you get to lose a weight around your stomach like yeah I know that like it would it might offend me like just thinking if that had happened to me like it probably would have offended me and it's it's true but it's just it's not it's it's why the people didn't listen to you it's they their friend probably told them an easier way I like when somebody's very honest yeah and I know by the tone of somebody's voice when somebody's very honest with me and it really impresses me about a person and it gives me motivation when a person comes to me from the heart and says this is and looks

at me and says I like to talk to you my son you know nothing nothing but when you put your arm no if you talk to me that way I'm not gonna talk to you go wrap I need to talk to you about something though you've already gotten submitted four times with that fucking stupid wing every time it goes up it needs to go away wrath okay and you're looking me going where you attack him no I'm your brother and that's it yeah you can't keep fucking doing that put the wing down and he can't if you put your hand your base down he won't butterfly you put the fucking base down what the fuck I was this day and you'll go you're

sometimes people need a kick in the fuck an old-school kick in the ass yeah I can't go up to an embarrassing but I could pull him a sign go what the fuck is it with your base put your fucking hand there's different things that you could work with people and I like getting that feedback I'm a huge I'm a huge constructive criticism person like I don't like somebody just be like hey fuck you right well that's the wrong whatever but if somebody comes up to me and this is something I learned I worked for the tonight show and I used to work with audiences so basically you'd have people who in this is beautiful when

people would come see the show there's a little thing that says first come first serve right but everybody thinks they're important especially on if they're on vacation so we'd have to you know we have to capacity fill so that means that we have to do capacity plus 10% just to fill main audience okay so if you do the math studio used to hold about 400 people so that means usually on a daily basis for doing our job right we got to turn away 40 people so I became really good at just giving people five minutes of my time and going you have five minutes go and I would just stay still and silent and I'd let them make their

point and sometimes you know I could understand I was like man that really sucks I really appreciate where you're coming from but when people would just come up to you and be like let me tell you something okay I'm from Rhode Island and I go excellent Rhode Island is a state in the United States congratulations but you'd get all these people who would literally tell you where you're from like imagine if you went to Vaughn's and they ran out of your favorite diet so they do it at Vaughn's I worked in retail I worked at CVS Radio Shack movie theater and a couple restaurants people will do that like I had a guy pissed off

of me because we didn't sell snow caps once yeah just like the amount of the way people talk to people just and it's it's ridiculous it's rude it's it's not necessary but would you imagine somebody coming over to you and being like hey we're in Glendale I came all the way from Burbank who gives a shit we're out of it yeah and you know what sometimes people give you vouchers to come back and get something else if they were nice you were yeah at the T'Nitro we'd always be like if you can't come today we'd love to have you come back another day we understand that you get here early stupid but here's the thing they'd be

yelling at you because they can't read and so there's like this weird tolerance that I have where if somebody is giving me constructive criticism I just kind of let them talk I let them say their piece and then at a certain point I go thank you and I usually that's usually the one thing I try and do in jiu-jitsu is I let people tell me what they need to tell me and I try not to make excuses because you can literally you can make an excuse for everything and sometimes people just don't know what the fuck you're going through like sometimes people be like why can't you do that and I go because my back fucking sucks I

don't know what else to tell you dude but you you take the constructive criticism as best you can and it's tough but it is an art in itself just learning how to do that that's very true fuck um yeah yeah let's give some shout out okay how about a shout out to my man Giancarlo de Tomo he sent me some fucking homemade slippers his grandma made what I look like ferries wear that's why I thought about ferries wear boots by black Sabbath I'm gonna wear those and

people gonna start coming into the windows but I love you Giancarlo I want to thank Freddie Korea my man his main man Sammy Freddie opened for me in we know last week and very fucking funny had a joke about he do he installs cable and it's one of his jokes is about going to a guy's house the guy tries to hit on him he pushes the guy down and I tell you he had some brilliant shit and it wasn't what I'm killing it it was it wasn't what I'm saying it is but his buddy Sammy helped me sell tickets but I'll tell you what this guy Freddie man it's just a great guy he was at the show in Vegas oh cool Freddie he was there

okay he was there and he you know he had a fucking flying juice shirt every time I see him he's got nothing but love and support he gave me a card so I just want to send them some love to Freddie and I will definitely be seeing you again working with you again my brother let's give a shout out to my man Miles Raul Prado Joe Aaron Joe Calderon Jimmy Pittsinger you know I love you cock sucker Jimmy Pitts Noah Borley water boxer who I'll see Wednesday night and the rest J.R. fucking the guy up in fucking Buffalo my man Leon in Germany you bad motherfucker and all the rest of the debt squad crew I love you

cock suckers I'll see you guys Wednesday at the ice house Lee look at the fucking shape of you oh pretty hot I'm gonna have to balance you right one of the cheapo chew you know one of these fucking the devil we got what you got going on today what why can't you eat a fucking cheapo I didn't you but you why can't you eat the other half of Uncle Joe we gotta we gotta kick it up and I know because I'm already so high and then I don't they're fixing AC in my house right now so how was it sleeping without the AC fucking hard was it you shoulda came I had to I had two fans I was able to do it were you naked oh fuck

yeah I always see naked sweat and asshole the whole thing asshole sweat let me tell you what happened to me cuck's I got to the airport yesterday and I went to the airport bar and I wanted two eggs because I don't like when they give you scrambled eggs that means they're powdered eggs don't do it oh don't don't don't just go away no you want to see the egg yolk you always want to see the egg yolk at all airport when they always have we have scrambled eggs that's why they have scrambled eggs like Johnny Rockets they have scrambled eggs because they got powdered fucking eggs they fucking to

hold your fucking communist radiation eggs so I had two eggs why my new thing is I always order you know two eggs bacon fruit wheat toast you know and I ordered fruit and the fucking strawberries look weird and I go at least strawberries good she goes they're fresh like you know sometimes you have fresh strawberries but sometimes people put sugar on them it's like a glaze yeah well I bit two of them like this ain't fresh but I had swallowed it you know and I gave him back and she took him off the check and you know whatever you fucking fly home sure enough I take a nap and I wake up to fart and I fart and

liquids running down my fucking legs so I was sick all last night that's why I didn't go to the open map because if I go if I blow a fart with a white fucking costume on you know somebody's joke sometimes you're doing your jitsu and you roll over and your fart comes out of your ass because it's been stuck in your rib and now somebody jumps on top of it and you hear it and you tell people dog I just farted take your hands off my neck cuz it's gonna be a long afternoon if you with that and they're like no but I was choking that dog it's up to you what's coming up to you is gonna be deep let it go step aside five feet I got

John everyone's John even keep rolling yeah if you fart let's cuz he's a professional that motherfucker will keep choking you out as you're dying you're like I thought he's I don't give a fuck I mean it's a weird fucking sport but like when you create a tolerance to most of these things I'll tell you the weirdest thing I had happened recently so I went to this gym really good guys and all of a sudden I'm rolling with somebody and I'm like I got this guy in like North South and he just like I hear underneath just muffled so good and I was like well fuck I don't know what to do I had this finished that was the best

offense you could have told people these just like you smell so good and I he was like and I was trying to like just ignore it but he clarifies he's like your key smells really good man I go mm-hmm yep yep you just got out of the submission just by doing that because I don't want to finish it oh that's a nice company it was a nice couple how fucking bad does a geek you ever saw you've been choked by somebody and the geek comes in you tap because the stink of the key definitely a geese fucking stick and I even mine in the back it's got pounds of sweat in it and you can't put bleach on it because it dissolves the

material so you got to wash it with your soap and hang dry it so deep in those threads yeah is your most disgusting sweat like I rolled with people with great guys and the grand the geese are brand fucking when I'm brand new but you could see that in the inner core those fucking geese get stinky yeah that's why I don't really I have two geese I motive I got two geese I'm not getting a new one five fucking destroy those yeah because it's and I don't even fit in the one you know me you know me you're just too gear I have my house how much I have a whole side closet just really that people send me wow give me when I go to a town

pants that's all fucking G tops geese people ask me what size are you you know every size is different it's like when you buy a t-shirt in Texas 2x in Texas and you buy a 2x in LA it's two different exes oh yeah you buy a 2x in fucking Dallas it's huge you buy a 2x in LA you can't wear it you're like what the fuck would I do game weight it's completely different it is completely different have you been to like a venue where there's a lot of jiu-jitsu people almost like a UFC or something yeah when I've gone to I went to a jiu-jitsu expo and I had more people commentate on me being fat me like I'm not really fat

but like I'm jiu-jitsu fat because these guys are all fucking in shape so when they're asking me and they're like doing that whole Taylor thing to you they go what are you about an A2 and I go guys I'm a little bit like an A3 a little bigger than that they just go nah you're an A yeah I know you're an A3 I'm an A7 they don't even make an A7 in a lot of companies but the best gear I have I bought that surplus yeah yeah Laurel Canyon the boxing place yeah it's an A6 it's fucking amazing yeah I don't want that gear and I went back to get another one they don't have the A6's they have don't fit they got a white guy making

them now they fired the Mexican the Mexican was like A6 give him some extra if he's like my uncle Carlos he's got some extra pounds you know I'm saying the white guy's like fuck no yeah 32 inches waistline this is where we go on the same side I have this Vulcan gi it's a hemp Vulcan gi it's great the guy the CEO of Vulcan we were interviewing him Scott yeah his name is a Matthias I think no no but what's the what's on the mat is Scott right on the is that the same oh a Scotty he's on the mat this is a different one okay but Scottie is a beast of a human being himself I love the show Scottie he sends me he sends me

geesa yeah his fucking top don't fit the pants are great and I tried to hit him back and he's like Joe you gotta lose fucking way but his gi fit it's the shoulders yeah so his gi fit goes around me Scotty's the shit man it's the show that are too tight yeah okay so no man's a good dude Scotty's great and they said he's got a score in Vegas so we were in Vegas last I gotta call Friday night going Scott said stop by the store he's got a bunch of shit for you I you know me I'm an asshole I leave it setting the fucking yeah yeah that's crazy no I mean but you know the good news is he's around and he's always I

mean Scotty is one of the best people in the community because he cares like he he actively is sponsoring athletes he refereed Meta Morris like dudes fucking legit and he was on our podcast and just you know this is all credit this and a lot of people do this for us who are too good for us but Scotty was on our podcast does a great interview with us and then I just happened to catch something on the Facebook and I saw that he created an ad just to promote our podcast and I said no it was like did you just create an ad for us like you don't have to do that I appreciate it and he goes no I like you guys I want to

help you out and I was like fuck yeah Scotty just good people that's when you know you're like god damn it this sport has so many good fucking people but yeah no no no the the Vulcan gay I have I didn't even get to try it on this guy the CEO Vulcan just handed us this A2 and I'm like oh dude but I'm like an A3 he just goes put it on I put that thing on you would have thought a fucking Italian fucking Taylor had made it just for me it was the best feeling when you just put on this key that just comes out of the package and was like this fuck I've never been happier my fiance saw me go into the mirror with my podcast

co-host and we both got one and she was like you guys were the biggest girls I've ever seen because you're just like this can miss in match and I can wear this but you can wear this top and this bottom no this is amazing this is so good and she literally started getting out of camera and taking photos of us and I was like babe I want to say I'm embarrassed by that but I'm fucking you post that wherever you want I'm not ashamed that is real that is real fucking shit it's amazing that a lot of people at home go enjoy what a fucking guy's doing a podcast about jiu-jitsu on a Monday morning it's not really a

podcast about jiu-jitsu man it's just we're just doing a podcast and I want to take it a different place today and jiu-jitsu is the topic and the whole thing about jiu-jitsu I've really it is what it is for you and this is what anything guys it could be Muay Thai it could be Shaolin Kung Fu it could be Shodokan karate you know there's a lot of shit that goes on in your life there's a lot of shit that goes on your life and I know one thing that's always worked for me and it's always made me a better person and the reason why I go over there and roll with guys 20 years younger than me and get beat up is not

because I want to fight in the UFC and not because I want to beat Lee up it's not because I want to be a tough guy it's because when I was a kid when I stopped doing this is a proven fact this isn't somebody telling you this shit that he heard when I got out of martial arts when I was 15 years old everything changed in my life everything changed in my life I went from being one type of person a human being to being the other and if you listen to the story I was telling you those little geeks kept me together those geeky guys with their forms and and how they get together and their moms would make

tuna sandwiches and we'd all practice our forms and unison yes I was one of those guys you know there's custom what's what they call the swimming when you what's it called synchronized swimming yeah you know when you do a form in class you synchronize me and three other half of fags would get together in the sunlight with our knees on and synchronize our forms but guess what guys that built that showed me character that showed me a work ethic that showed me everything I had to do for the rest of my life and everything listen everything you're gonna do this work ethic and there's sacrifice and

there's practice and and you know and and you know how many times are you gonna throw a kick how many times you're gonna throw a kick from the time you're five you know it just how many punches do you throw even lead just through two punches remember white belt taekwondo form right right almost remember it's punch yeah turn block punch three down the middle the end is the spin I don't remember it's like punch right then you back your leg but then there's a spin I think it's right block left block and let me spin to the new side of your four four edges fuck that just brought me back to like when I was seven holy shit

I'm high it kept me together and what my point is today that this podcast has a lot of different subjects you know and the main subjects is addiction you know fear anxiety you know the shit that we deal with that nobody fucking talks about it's like a very little secret you have anxiety so what do they give you they give you a valium and then three years in you hooked on fucking them give me a favor man you really want things to change for you I'm not gonna say you gonna become a millionaire I'm not saying it's gonna save your relationship I'm not saying a lot of things sign up for something yeah even if you don't want

it just sign up for two sticks you don't you're embarrassed you're too fat you don't want to put a gi on whatever the fuck it is get sticks get a night go somewhere two days a week where you mingle with other people beside those fucking steps you have in your life beside the sister-in-law that calls you with a problem when you go to these martial art places you become part of something and you don't think nobody's gonna beat you up nobody wants you to be karate man nobody wants you to go eight days a week you go when you can as long as you keep going you belong these people call you and say hey man is

everything okay you haven't been in class me every week oh I broke my toe that happened to me put ice on and get your fucking ass back in the class you fat fuck you know that's what they said to me you know these are little things so that's why I'm talking about jujitsu today for me it can be anything I don't give a fuck if you join ballet yeah as long as you join something and do something two days a week you know somebody contacted me last night on an email that they're trying to get pregnant and all this and she's having anxiety anxiety again is a brain fart somewhere something isn't connecting so

you don't have the time to go to a psychotherapist and you don't have the time to go to an acupuncturist and a nerve specialist and a doctor I'm telling you the immediate band-aid is getting out of the house and doing something out of a normal take that phone and leave it at the fucking house leave that phone at the house give yourself one hour with people you don't know whether it's a yoga class have fucking Rafi choke you or throw you in the air for an hour when you get in your car you're gonna feel so satisfied that's why it makes you a better person because when I go we walk out of jujitsu I'm not worried about who

I choked out I can't believe I made it I wish somebody could see me walk out of the school at 2 30 on a Tuesday I've been here since 1215 rolling around with fucking men that with their knees stinking with dirty feet and shit and I love it how crazy can I be that's my point today people go out of the box you're always bitching that life isn't changing for you you can't do nothing get the fuck out of box leave yourself on at home all those bad habits go to a fucking anything with YMCA and just walk around just sitting there and watch with these people doing what's that 74 year old guy on the Stedman on the

treadmill doing 15 minutes then he gets off and he stretches that 74 year old guy is doing something he's alive because that's if he thought about those 15 minutes all night when he was in bed the night before he thought about how he's gonna go to a wine today he might do 16 minutes because his back hurts that's that's what keeps you alive that move that you go home and think about that oh my god John haven't taught us that move how does it go and next thing you know you're out of your bed with your sleep apnea mask you don't know how many nights Terry's watching TV and I'll take my sleep mat apnea mask well

God's I go Terry give me five minutes and she'll get on the hands and knees and I'll try to get and she'll go Joey what the fuck no I just wanted to see where to put my foot man I love you go back to bed that will keep you alive two days that'll keep your lives you have to go back to class again and you know what I want to I want to just add on that you being in entertainment you know that you hear the following more often than not you hear it now no not you not this you're not good enough you're not the right type when you're not what we're looking for all these things and that show will mess you up especially in

entertainment like you you have to have a pure clear head about yourself you got to be confident you got to know those things and for what jiu-jitsu has done for me in this time is given me that like people can tell you you're not this you're not that but it's like the best block you can get so you want to talk about therapy this isn't just therapy this is career this is giving you something to strive and push forward that that other places can't being around jiu-jitsu people are the most encouraging people I've ever been around like bar none when especially you go and you do career stuff for you know

entertainment you hear all those negative things but you go to jiu-jitsu class somebody comes over to you they're telling you they're like no no you you can do that you're great you know you can do this shit and it's like a support system that isn't even part of the thing you just think you go there and you show people out but you get more than that when you really don't believe what have you gotten from that fucking gym that you've been going this is your fourth week yeah if you talk to anybody in there you ever mingle no well a little I told you when I first went in it was like ah my first week and Paul was there

and I couldn't do I could barely do half an hour thing on the elliptical and I was and she did I remember I did I could barely do half an hour on the elliptical and she always did 45 so what am I gonna do for the lot 15 minutes I used to go to the bike when I couldn't do that and she left I said let me I just want to do five more minutes because I had a goal to hit 15 minutes on the bike too and there was this bigger black guy sitting next to me and we have both our headphones on but as I got up he took his headphones off he went you hit that you had that 15 minutes right and gave me like a high five he's like I've been

coming for three months I used to be 318 now I'm 297 and it's I don't really talk to that many people there because I like the people in the the cardio floor but the people down by the weights have been a little bit of a jerkish to me but every time I see a bigger personality I give him I give him like a thumbs up or and you said that would happen and it's been there's been a couple bigger people who like there's this big guy that always does the elliptical next to me when we when we're in there together so it's been good I mean how are you feeling how are you feeling when you walk out of it you thought you could do anything now

that you did that you were scared a month ago I was five weeks ago Lee well I hadn't been ever I had worked I had done team sports up until my junior year of high school but I wouldn't work out I would go to practice that's not the same as working out so I had never worked out and now I've maybe taken like I think five days off this month so it's not even once it's like once a week maybe and I can't say that I'm addicted to it yet I can't say that I enjoy it but I feel better after I go that's that's the price I mean that's that's the great I mean dude yeah some people say they like it but I mean for

me I couldn't I couldn't do the gym my brain doesn't work that way well I had to bring I had to bring my iPad with movies because I wish I would show you always talk about losing yourself in the music to me I'm just staring at the clock when that with music so I I had to have something to watch but I do feel guilty when I miss the gym like when I went to Vegas I didn't do the gym it's good and I feel I feel guilty now that when I when I miss it or or I'll tell you on the way home from the gear on from the fluffy movie Paul and I were like one inch away from going to get cheeseburgers like if we we both said

the next morning if either of us had said let's let's actually do it we probably would have done it but it's when we're talking about it like we looked it up the in-and-out cheeseburgers like 700 calories like we both worked out today single yeah we were singles yet we both worked out today we ate good for the entire day it's 10 o'clock and I why ruin it now but with the sauce it really kills you the sauce is single without the sauce isn't that bad it's like 10 points oh no no no no no that's a double double with with seven with 700 oh yeah then what the fuck you looking at a double double for that's the thing

see that's the problem I don't want you to stop eating your cheeseburg can I get you know that you could always go over and get a single cheeseburg with a raw onion and without fries and you're good to go you absolutely could but I think you're good to go I can't you know what I've been doing lately eating half of my meal just to try it you know I've done it for lunch lately you know what half of my meal and I'm fucking starving but after 20 minutes you forget about it and you go hmm I could go without this right you know it was nice I I haven't changed anything really like maybe I drank a little bit less but it was just

jiu-jitsu and the reason why I knew I wanted to do jiu-jitsu I was like I just don't want to be fat really like I don't need to be people in competition I just want to be healthy get a good mindset and be not fat if I can and for me I didn't really change my diet I still eat kind of what I like to eat I dropped 25 pounds just because and at the time I wasn't going as much as I was now like I've hit a plateau now now it's just like well you're going up 5 pounds you're going down 5 pounds but it was just because I found an activity to keep me active to keep me going so I mean it depends on what goals are but

there's always a way to keep if you want to keep moderation of stuff that you don't want to modify too much like if I see a cheeseburger now I still have it but I also now know there's a confidence in all right well I'm going to the gym I'm doing this regularly I'm excited to get to that point because I would love to get to the point where I could just maintain like I figured out the diet to maintain but right now I'm at the point where it sounds it sounds bad but like if I had if I want to go to cheeseburger I'd be getting cheeseburgers every meal I'd be getting three cheeseburgers so I can't even get the single I just right

now I can't I know I just I stick to the healthy stuff but keep it keep it realistic you know what I mean like keep it keep the goals there man yeah the the hardest thing to do is keep crazy goals for me and Jiu Jitsu my goals are super simple it's like today I want to work on this kind of setup for you know I mean it just is moderation yeah let me hit some sponsors real quick here do it we're getting to that fucking time I gotta talk to you people about something that was I noticed Thursday night first off on it for all your fucking ultimate level goal needs whatever the fuck you want to do there's charter fucking thing

is alpha brain alpha brain stimulates you opens up your mind makes you think they got a money back guarantee 30-day money back guarantee we didn't want the fucking product back who the fuck does that you ever go to a drug dealer and that you do the coke you taste it you come back you think they're gonna say to you well no where's the rest on it don't give a fuck that's how confident they are I love the hemp force fucking protein the chocolate the acai vanilla I love the strong bone I'm back on the strong bone again for my knee it's been a little better swole up this week with the two shows but as far I've never had a

problem with them I had somebody they're they talking at the jiu-jitsu place about shroom tech that they wanted some shroom tech for me to get them from shroom tech they wouldn't ask me if they didn't like it John Evans talking to me about the shroom tech shroom tech sport is tremendous the other shroom tech what is it immune tremendous if you're flying if you're hanging out with a bunch of fucking people if let's say you hang out with people who have AIDS or they got a fucking flu or something like that I don't fucking know I don't know why I said that whatever whatever fucking shroom tech immune whatever the fucking

need to do number two hulu plus let me tell you something about hulu plus I don't think you motherfuckers know that they just got South Park what they just got South Park today exclusively this is what I'm talking about with hulu plus hulu plus is so so much more you get currencies and episodes every fucking week hulu plus works on any streaming device that you already own they have niche programming criteria collection animated kids they got original programming and you know the beauty about hulu plus what you go watch anywhere anytime any fucking place 799 per month what's that Joey 799 per month you go

look at what the fuck you pay for other fucking conditional bullshit 799 a month and I'm giving you two weeks off on the fucking cuff who does that when was the last time a hooker sucked your nuts and said if you like it for 10 minutes then I'll suck your dick nobody does that no more I'm giving you two weeks for free on the gratis hulu plus dot com why fuck around original programming daily show binge whatever the fuck you want to do sometimes listen sometimes you go home and you're gonna watch one episode of your favorite show and you're wasting fuck that shit go to jumping jacks go mug somebody once you get 10 11

episodes in there you get a big bag of dope some Chinese food you get some broad you lock the fucking curtains and it's called binge watching you sit there you watch 18 fucking episodes maybe after nine of them you get your balls licked and you go right back to doing what you're doing that's what hulu plus offers you go to hulu plus dot com go to Joey go to joey's deals dot net go to hulu plus box and press in Joey joey no joey why cock suckers and get two weeks for free 799 a month what's that again Lee eight what Joey why in the box hulu plus dot com stop fucking around with your life fucking around with

entertainment hulu plus has you covered cock suckers hulu plus dot com 799 a month two weeks for free on the cuff that's how I roll all right that's it I got excited dollar shave club I love you motherfuckers if you're a man a woman and you're not in dollars shave club go get a black dick and put it up your asshole it's not working out for you you can't be that fucking stupid why fly out LAX when you can fly the fucking Burbank my point a dollar six dollars a nine dollars a month six dollars a month again Lee six dollars a fucking month you get two raises sent to your house every month on the first tremendous for

two raises double edge without the owl strip that's a nine dollar program but it really doesn't matter they got those fucking hand me wipes for those things that white one white charlie's it's getting hot right now you're in your car you see some chick on the corner maybe she's a professional dick sucker you're in trouble your dick smells like pee you've been sweating all day you go in your glove compartment on your backpack and there you got you got one white charlie's you polish off the helmet you clean around the nut sack and your dick is fresh who's got that when she's sucking your helmet she goes Jesus your

dick is fresh it's four in the afternoon I've never stuck it I've never sucked a clean dick at four in the afternoon they usually have lint on it and fucking coins and shit no dollar shape club has that for you dollar shape club go to the dollar shape club box right now I'm pressing church church CHU RCH and get your fucking deal from dollar shape club one dollar a month six dollars a month nine dollars a month get raises sent right to the house to your door you don't believe you have to go no fucking pharmacy and stand behind the guy that smells like fucking ass number three escape pod dot tank escape pod tank

calm for all your deprivation tank needs these guys from what I'm here is the best in the fucking business everybody who's done business of them is very fucking happy they deliver they set it up they have different type of tubs they are commercial tubs industrial tubs I gotta drink some water this fucking you do it you do it you're beast in this shit I don't fuck around escape hot tank calm commercial what's the residential presidential residential presidential that's where Obama floats I don't fucking know do black people even float anyway my fucking point is this my point is escape pod tank calm call my

man Jeremy on the 800 wine he's got commercial tanks residential tanks no jokes aside you mentioned us you get 250 off the top plus he's got it just off the off the tank model it's a hundred and fifty dollars off you get like 400 dollars off you save it he'll let you walk you through the steps I love escape pod tank calm if you're thinking a bit about deprivation tank you're not talking to these people you might as well stick a hanger in your throat it's not gonna work out for you oh boy oh my god fucking energy that was art I don't fuck around not at all man I gotta talk to you people about something I don't know

first off thank you to everybody for your kind compliments and stuff on the Marin episode yeah I was gonna say I was blown away I got to watch with my daughter and my wife my daughter didn't know what the fuck she kept crying she wanted Wally Kazama and I'm like that's daddy that dad she's like fuck that fat motherfucker but it was just amazing I want to thank Mark Marin I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart because a true comic isn't the comedian who's funny a true comic is a comic that is funny but he also strives for fun in a surround him and he pushes it and he strives it and he helps support it and

when it came to that episode he gave somebody a complete green light that nobody else even talked to nobody talks to me he gave me freedom to do what I wanted he wrote a script or his people wrote a script Duncan I forget what his last name is you know and to see that I thought about you guys when I was watching it on the way to the airport let me tell you something I was fucked up that night I ate a whole cookie at like four o'clock and by the time I walked in my car I called Lee I told him on the plane I just sat in the back of that tube and sweat I was in 12 B because they even have an upgrade it was one of those

Puerto Rican planes they have to take a bus to American Airlines gate 44 yeah you got it's like Reno San Jose Santa Fe and in those places you go you got to go on that bus so you have to you land in the fucking plane goes 35 minutes you're on a bus of 15 fucking minutes oh didn't you tell me you thought the car was taking you to the moon or something oh my god I didn't know where I was it was dark out the moon was out I was in the back of this fucking car and I was blasted but I cried I cried in the shower after the episode got off I ran the shower to the tour of the tears because I thought about I never had that

expectation when I came to LA I always thought I'll be out here for six or seven years I got in trouble and then but the most I ever get was to be an extra you know I never strive for that and I saw myself on that thing and I hate watching myself I look fucking huge in fact but that's not what I was looking at I was looking at somebody who didn't expect that and but I believed a little bit that somewhere somehow maybe maybe if I lucked out well I did luck out you know and I just stuck around and that's it and I'm very thankful that this happened but I'm thinking about for you people that if I could do this you

motherfuckers could do this you don't you know we all put our pants on one leg at a fucking time man and when you look at things like that when I saw that that night I thought about all the people that actually go to acting classes and really pay attention and really strive for that I came out here thinking that people were better than me like everybody was better than me they came from a Juilliard or whatever and I'll tell you what man this goes right back to jujitsu and stand up I got all I got my balls on that fucking stage you know stage time Matt time is the name of the fucking game in this but the most

important thing was it's not like I stopped believing in a way that I would get on somebody's show like that like a guest star like that the most important thing is that yes anybody can fucking do this I did it for you guys this is to show you that fuck these motherfuckers you can't stop Lee Lee you can't fucking stop you can't quit you can't fucking go home everybody was in Montreal comedy festival everybody was up in Montreal you get invited to Montreal no fuck no I never been a month to Montreal they have the all these things for me my Montreal was Thursday night that was my Montreal comedy festival a half hour

me being with Mark Marin I've seen a comic help another comic I've never had a role like that where he just let me go and let me do it other fuck I wanted to say yeah I just want to tell people thank you for all the comments thank you for the support of the podcast thank you for always loving me and Lee and my guests but also for I want you to take that for what it was that you could do this shit you could do whatever the fuck you want don't let them stop you they could all suck your dick at the end of the week all right fuck them all you have something that you want to do do it go for it who gives a fuck if you fail

who gives a fuck you know how you really fail if you don't fucking go for it so end the story Rafi who loves you come on man what do you got going on what is your next show with flapper next show at flappers August 12th we just celebrated two years of early late night over at flappers comedy club we're a monthly late-night talk show early late night it is one of the funnest things I've ever put together I did I did I had a great time I had a fucking roof all the while I learned a lot I learned about something different outside of stand-up that people were doing so it was very interesting to watch from somebody who's

always looking for something fresh you know yeah and the hardest thing for me is I always this is my been my whole secret to my career is if I don't see it I invent it I do it I put it out there and I remember going to comedy clubs and you see like comics if it can get depressing like a lot of comics don't have a joy in performing and for me it's it's so important to make people have fun to get something different for them to see and the best compliment we always get is when a comic does our show and we produce it and we work with them as they say you know what I had fun and I see you guys have fun every time and I

take that with the with a great responsibility of always creating doing something new if it means doing a fucking song and dance number and standing on my fucking head it's what we're doing like I'm just not afraid there and I've got a great staff of writers and performers who do it so yeah flappers 930 August 12th if you don't mind I just got to say a couple quick shoutouts I'd love to do that yeah yeah I want to shout out my my co-host on verbal tap cast that's Kevin Phillips who wanted me to echo this to you and I'm glad I get to do this here you gave him some advice last week for stand-up that fucker texts

me that like Thursday after we do the podcast and he goes Rafa I want you to tell Joe Diaz I fucking destroyed this room I did it from the advice he gave me I just I demolished this room I went in there we were like 80 deep in this place in DC great fucking audience hype was given love to only a few people he goes I got up there I destroyed and they're gonna give me residency and have to do all this so thank you for that and he wanted me to echo that so that was awesome check us out verbal tapcast calm guys we just interviewed Hicks and Gracie and I mean that's kind of the the pinnacle of people you can interview

and you know it's funny this is what I like this guy's a black belt legend in sport even like coral red and black belt if you would but when we interview it's like nothing is different because he's in my world and you know when you feel behind when people are six or seven moves behind you or ahead of you when you're in jujitsu for me I'm like I think we're on equal playing ground and you know what I can get them to have fun and when I start seeing him bust up I was like you know what this is this is what I'm doing it's the right thing to do so I want to thank him and all the good people I want to thank Jits magazine for

making that happen great great stuff from then we're gonna have a feature article coming out pretty soon and I'm gonna tease this right here Hicks and Gracie is one of the people who's associated with breathing do you give me like a 25 minute instructional on how to breathe just because he liked the interview and I think he just had a natural interest in wanting to help me based off of one of the questions I said it was like what does it feel like to be synonymous with breathing and he just goes do you have five minutes afterwards and I was like for you fuck yeah yeah teach me all the shit that you know so

he was really cool and doing that I want to also shout out Marshall Carper we're doing a really cool book project about jujitsu and businesses and Joey was the first person that I got to interview so we're gonna be putting that article up and you guys can check out what the books like and if you like it hopefully check back in and we'll be promoting that for days and for that and to my buddies Brandon mcatharine who sent me a text yesterday that I showed Joey which was hey Raf you train with Joey Diaz I hate you so what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna get a picture of Joey and I'm just gonna say fuck you

motherfucker from Joey Diaz and that's it to my pal Scott Cupca who's fucking he's fucking in love with you he wants me to introduce you so you could smoke out when he gets to LA let's do it all right easy enough and to you guys here this has been amazing I'm really honored that you guys would even remotely have me on but especially when you guys are about to celebrate your 200th episode so I feel good to be able to tell us and I hope you guys know what accomplishment that is you guys have so much great love on this at home think that I look for a celebrity or somebody who thinks he's better than us to be on

the podcast I look for people just like us because I want you people at home to realize you can start a podcast yeah I know you know what I don't have I walked in yesterday seem raffling oh what are you doing tomorrow at 6 a.m. that's how fast it was you know why because every time I see this kid he's working he's working I know who's out there trying to get a podcast Joey get on the podcast so your numbers go up or whatever I know who's out there working it I know who's out there doing what we're doing breathing it and I know how to fake the funk because I fake the funk yeah I've been at but see I know you can't fuck

him because I fake the funk so I know when you're faking the funk I know when you're working hard so I want to thank you for coming on the day's notice being fucking great and I want anytime you want to be a guest on here promote you got an open door I appreciate it coming on at 6 o'clock a lot of people I fuck you you know a lot of comments I don't have a career help me will call the podcast at 645 look I don't get up that early okay so obviously you don't give a fuck I go rough you want to call in no I'll come in it's 10 to 6 okay no worries I'll be there when I drove by this one go fucking Ralph he's not coming in I go

to the back he's back there waiting like a fucking student with an apple bag so thank you brother thank you very much you know what I mean when Joey Diaz is good enough you've got that idea where you've done the same for me where you came to do my show and I got to tell you this a week ago Joey comes to do my show just offers to do it I didn't give a shit about promoting this one I had a big portfolio that was putting together for NBC he comes I get a bigger audience because he's doing my show we test out the material I get into a program based off of that response that I got from that audience and you know what

I mean it's all up and you did the same for me on a day and a half notice when you're at an open mat so I mean of course when you ask me like can you do the podcast and in the only way the joy Diaz can which is you can you do the motherfucking podcast I'm like yeah you bet your ass I'm gonna do the fucking podcast and it's just it's all of man so thank you thank you we sat here three weeks ago with Gabriel Laces and we told the bloggy story mm-hmm and do you see how this energy runs guys I get it from somebody and I passed the ball on so that's what it's talking about by making a day thank you very much for tuning

into the church I want to thank our sponsors on it who loo plus calm dollar shave club and escape pod tank Wednesday night live at the ice house Mrs. Pat 830 live cocksuckers the ice house 626 577 1894 don't fuck around and we're doing the 200th episode Thursday night with a special guest 8 o'clock late night Thursday night get the reefer ready the pizza we're getting down I love you cocksucker stay black now the show is over don't forget to sign up for your free trial who loo plus who loo plus let's you binge on thousands of shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC smartphone or tablet support this podcast and

get an extended free trial of who loo plus when you go to who loo plus comm slash joey or go to joey ds.net and click on the who loo plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club comm get high quality razor sent to your door every month for fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollar shave club comm forward slash church or just go to joey ds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner thank you to honor comm go there to get alpha brain anything like that get 10% off using code word church and escape pot tank comm they've all over your sensory deprivation techniques mention joey ds and get an

additional $250 off already low prices oh shit go out there kill a motherfucker well this is such a fucking great jam hang this young 21 years old fucking killing the fucking guitar here oh shit salute the flag motherfucker you're in America your blink is on play white be a fucking cop suck just be nice just tell somebody you love everything will work itself back stay black cop suckers take that motherfucker we leave to go yeah

where a clock strikes midnight and there's a full moon in the sky yeah yeah someone's baby cry yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah