Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #201 - Joey Diaz, Billy Corben and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 5, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Director Billy Corben to talk about south florida, the KKK cop and much more. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a discount Music:  Biggie Smalls - Warning Tony Bennett - I Wanna Be Around Aerosmith - Last Child Recorded on 08/05/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And by dollshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollshave club banner. This show is also sponsored by honor.com. Go there for alpha brain, new mood, shroom tech, immune, shroom tech, sport, anything like that. Use code word church and get 10% off. And welcome

to hit eSIGS. For better tasting, better quality, longer lasting eSIGS, go to hitesigs.com. That's hit eSIGS.com and check out use code word joey's church, J-O-E-Y-S church for this. The day the devil got a calloscopy from fucking Jesus with a black dick. That's right, motherfuckers. The devil is dead. Christianity is alive and fucking well, not in my house, maybe in your fucking house. The only church I belong to is the church, motherfuckers. Kick it, Lee. Oh shit. Wash that muffler. Salute the fucking flag. You're an American bitch. What? If this ain't going through your fucking heart while you're driving today, doing your thing, give it up. What's up, baby? Nothing. What the fuck? You've been, you're bleeding from

your mouth. What happened this morning? You came in here all discombobulated? No. Somebody pulled your hair outside on the side, then you came in here bleeding. What happened? I know. I must have fucking been flossing too hard. So you floss in the morning too? I try to. I'm not good at it. I'm looking at you and I'm seeing. I thought, was that red peppers in his fucking teeth? No. Did he blow a red guy? What happened to me? I'm going to have to check when I get home and see if I have to go to the dentist. Did you cut it? I must have. I went in the back and it was bleeding a little bit, but I mean, I'm fine. You're as tough as fucking nails. I bleed all the time. Who gives a fuck? Puss, bleed, teeth fall out. Who gives a fuck? What's happening,

beautiful people of the church? What's happening now? We're here. Sorry about yesterday. As you people know, I got a colonoscopy. Thank you for all your wishes and for asking and for sending loves. And then last night, the fucking guest canceled at like 10 to six. He was sick. He's been sick for a while. I was going to get this acting guy and he coached me through, analyzed that. His name is Jimmy DiStefano. He's rolling in the actor's studio now in Hollywood. He's a fucking great guy. I think he's from the island of summer. I've known him for like 15 years and he got sick. So we were left in a bind. I didn't want to give you guys a 50% podcast. I wasn't up to par to fucking anesthesia. Let me tell you something, man. I never realized this. Yesterday

they wouldn't let me. Lee drove me down. I want to thank Lee for picking me up at 5.30 to, you know, anybody. People always want to pick you up when you get something in your ass. You know what I'm saying? If you call somebody and go, I got to go and I fuck you. No, no, no, no. I got to go to this place. I'm going to stick a camera up my ass. No shit. I'll be there at 5.15. You know, Lee was outside ready to laugh and giggle. He had to blog you with him. I was going to say, if they would have let us into a podcast, that would have been the number one podcast I've ever recorded. Oh my God. I fucking fainted. I fainted when they put the IV in my hand because I hadn't eaten for 24 hours. I went in there and I was thinking about it and it was warm in there

and they put the fucking thing in and the needle shocked my body. I mean, it didn't even fucking hurt. It's just the thought of it. Your mind is a fucked up thing. And it's just the thought of it gave me, I always go into these punk sweats. Like I feel sweat all over. It's like a light layer of mist that just comes out of me when I'm about to faint or whatever. I didn't faint. I had Santan on the iPod. But besides that, I got to tell you, man, it wasn't a bad experience at all. I have gone on the internet on like Wednesday or Monday or something and checked out different diets leading up to it and what I should do. And I listened to some of them. But the main thing I didn't listen to was the fear part. People were already saying, you know, that the stuff to drink

is terrible. It's amazing when you let people get into your head before you. It's like anything else. It's like being at home for dinner with your family and going, you know what, tonight I'm going to go down to the local thing. I'm going to get on stage and say poetry. Why would you want to do something like that? Don't you know that sucks? Don't you know? And it's so weird how sometimes you let the negative comments affect you. But sometimes you just steam right through it. Like I thought the drink, you have to drink a potion 24 hours before they stick the camera up your asshole because it cleans out your colon. But everybody said that the thing was very tough to drink. And I was a little apprehensive because I don't like tastes. Like I don't drink milk

because of the taste. I don't like vegetables because of the taste. Texture and taste have destroyed me. You know, the Doche diet is a great diet. I see people losing weight with it all the time. I just don't like a lot of those things. You know, I don't like tofu, the texture of tofu. I don't like a lot of that shit, you know. Yeah. And even my dad was working when I called him and told him, he was like, oh, that thing is terrible. It doesn't taste good. And then when I picked you up, you're like, huh? Listen, nothing fucking tastes good. But this was clear. Number one, this was clear, which really helped a lot because I thought it was going to be like milk of fucking magnesium with a weird taste. But it was clear. My wife put two packages of crystal light,

lemon lime and a little bit of water, I think you're supposed to dilute it. And guys, I put a straw in it so it only hits the back of your throat. That's what a lot of people said, make it very cold. And I put the straw back in, I just started chugging. And every chug, it was, I did it every glass in three chugs. And it's crazy because the first time I thought my asshole was just going to blow up and blood on the walls and intestines and shit. It didn't happen for about an hour. And then it was like a slow, every 20 minutes, I'd have to shit, but I had to be careful because I couldn't make a laugh or couldn't make everything. It was right there. It was coming right out, you know, it was the whole time. But I got to tell you, I'm happy

I did it. I'm happy I did it because it does save lives. And a lot of people reached out and said that they had a relative who had saved their life. So thank you very much. Last night, a lot of people were mad. You said that somebody said to you that you shouldn't treat our fans like that. First of all, if somebody listens to this show and thinks they're a fan of the show, don't listen to the show no more, man. Do me a favor. I don't want no fans. I want, we're a network and we understand each other. Last night, Lee and I went to meet with somebody at like 630 and the guy wouldn't shut the fuck up. So by the time we realized it was eight o'clock, it was too late to tweet. But when I got home, I tweeted, I'm sorry a few people made plans around

it. But sometimes, you know, the guests, it's, it's, I want to give you guys the best possible podcast I can. So I'm sorry. And we're going to start the week off on the right, motherfucking footly. I got up at two in the morning by mistake. I went to pee. I stayed in bed like 30 minutes and I couldn't do it no more. I got up, made a little coffee. I even hit the pipe this morning at three in the morning outside of my balcony. I was coughing and I'm like, what the fuck are neighbors think that you're living like a doctor? I'm like a fucking doctor. What happened with you yesterday at the movie theater? You want to see James Brown? Yeah, which was really frickin amazing. When did the movie come out Friday? I think so. And it was it was the theater was

and it was a one o'clock show. It was one of the first times I, I mean, I had heard about him, but I know you liked him. I know you showed Rogan that one video that one time on his podcast. But I knew his music, but I didn't really know that much about him. So it was really good and Chadwick Boseman did a great job, that guy. But it's, there's something like, do you have anything about you that you, I hate to use this, I don't like to use this word, but I hate about yourself. Always. It's just everything. Yeah. And I've always been, I don't know if it's because I was choppy or what, I think it's just my personality. I don't like confrontation and I don't like, I'm not good at standing up for myself. I was, I was now, I bullied, bullied over use now.

I had bullies, but it wasn't, I think I had a happy childhood, but I don't like when people take advantage or people say something. And I always, I'm always the one in my head. I'm thinking of 8,000 things later that day to say, but I never say it in the moment. So this one guy sat down and was just an asshole making noise with the popcorn. I wish I'd said something, but what really got to me was, and I hate that it stinks that it got to me, but there's a few people on Twitter who, and I see you mess with them and that's what I would love to do. It's the people who say stuff, I think it's just to piss you off, but like just said some evil stuff. Like, like when I was, I was just mad that they were, they were sitting, so I tweeted about it because I

don't know, I'm an idiot, but they're like, get off your fat ass. I'm like, who would, would you say that to someone in public? Like, it's just, that's not part of me at all. And it, it, like, I wanted to say something, but then I didn't want to get into a war with them. This morning, when I came in here, you said to me as a joke or a giggling, you said, we should get the earphones with the mouthpiece on it. Yeah. And I replied, we're going to be two fat fucks with, looking like one. Two fat astronauts, yeah. Yeah, two fat fucking astronauts, you know? Did I mean that with malice? No. Did I hurt your feelings when I said that? No. It's the way people say things. Yeah. It's not how you say it's the way people say things.

I'm guilty of it also sometimes without realizing, but you got to understand, saying it to you with love is a goof. Yeah, yeah. I don't mind fucking around with people, but if I don't know you, don't cross that fucking line. Right. Because I never cross it. I was raised never to cross that line. So I would never cross that line. When I first got to the longest yard and I went out on the road after the longest yard, it was the things people said to me were mind bogglingly. They said things to me that didn't even want me to, I didn't want to go on the road anymore. In public? In public, like to be cute in front of their girlfriends or to test themselves. Those people I look at and I fucking

pray for when we were in Vegas, somebody made a comment, some jerk off guy on the line. And then we got next to me. He goes, this is the first time I've been close to this. I'm Mexican. Yeah. Yeah. Remember that guy? I wanted to smack him in the mouth, but I prayed for him. All you could do is he walks away and say, you know what? I hope you don't run into somebody who doesn't understand. Yeah. And that's going to happen for one of those jerk offs. Those are the people that you walk out of a barn, they're on the floor and their girlfriend's going, you're an asshole to the guy and the guy's bleeding from his mouth when he's passed out. That's that guy. Yeah. That's that guy that goes over borders. There's always people that there's

a line. There's a line of those are the people that weren't accepting that, you know, and they try to be cute in front of their girlfriends. I see it all the time. I see it once a month. I walk out of somewhere. I'm in a comedy club and there's a circle and there's a guy on the fucking floor bleeding and the girlfriend, he didn't say nothing. He didn't mean it. Yes, he did. He thought he was cute. And that's what happens after 10 o'clock on Twitter. You have this, this, uh, I don't need to, you don't know what my face looks like. Yeah. You don't want, if you want to call me out and I go to your page and you have a real page, I will look for the reason why you would say something like that. And I will say something pushing and you'll push back. Joe, you

know, I love you. Okay. But there's people who just get on. I don't understand those people. I don't understand who would wake up in the morning and go, you know what? Today, I'm going to set up a fucking, I'm going to set up a fake Twitter page and I'm going to call Dana bullfuck. I'm going to call Joe Rogan and call it bullfuck. I'm going to call Diaz a fat fuck. I'm going to call Leah Jew. I never understood that. I never understood that. Those are the things I don't comprehend. Yeah. But that's our society today. There's people who think they're cute. Somebody sent a thread to me the other day from Reddit and it's amazing. People said that we're misogynist. I'm a misogynist that it's the church of what's happening now, but I always talk about

the past. The reason why I talk about the past on this show, Lee, the reason why I tell a story every episode is because I feel, you know, I have this thing. I'm very insecure and growing up, I was very insecure. And after my mother, from the ages of 28 to 30, I was a ball in security. And we all are. We don't know what our next move is. We don't know, you know, there's some people who know, but 60% of us, if you're listening to this fucking podcast, you were one of those people that you were a little scared. Maybe you didn't know what you want to do when you were confused. And I was one of those people that was very, very fucking insecure. I think you have it all. So, you know, you walk into a room. I don't like that feeling. That's what I don't like. And

after I feel insecure about something, I look at what's going on. I go, you know what, fuck these motherfuckers. Nobody's better than me in this fucking room. And I tell these stories. I tell the stories about me waking up next to a piece of shit. I tell the stories of me robbing people or me stealing the fucking change jar. You think I like telling those stories? You think anybody else would have the honesty to tell those stories on the air? But I want you to understand that people could change. That is what I talk about in this thing that we're not fucked up. We're just going through a bad fucking spell. We change and you evolve as a human being. If you don't, you're a fucking idiot if you don't fucking evolve. So, you know, when I see those people on

Twitter that send, I don't know if it's an insecurity. I don't know if it's their thing. All you could do is just look up and go, whatever, God, Hindu, black, whatever, just watch your show. That's what I always do. I know everyone else says take the high road, but just like, and not even them personally, but like, okay, I was at the gym and I was at the bench taking stuff out of my bag in front of a locker and this guy just smooched in and kind of took the locker from me. And it's not a big thing. I just got another locker. But like, I wanted to be like, I'd be like, Hey, man, that's my locker. Like, that's not even a big thing to say at all. And probably wouldn't have even been a fight. But it's, I don't like in myself that I'm, I don't

know if it's shyness or insecure. I don't know what it is. And I don't know what, I don't know exactly what to do to fix it. Say something. Oh, so it makes me so nervous. Say something. And you'll get it over with. And don't say call the guy and ask or just go, excuse me, that's my locker, bro. You know, or excuse me, sir. And you stop with the popcorn. I'm trying to watch a movie. You know, yeah, I would love to, I would love to. And you know, I don't understand. First off, again, you're at a movie theater. The movie theater is empty. Where are these two jerk off set? I see the way for me. Yeah, you understand me? These are, you got to look at those motherfuckers and go, you fucking retarded. There's a huge theater in your two feet from me. That's what I hate

when they go to restaurants too. You go to a restaurant to host since people on top of your restaurant empty, get these fucking people away from me. Right. I want to spread out. Maybe there's three of us and we're talking about eating pussy and stabbing a bitch. And I got this fucking guy family of kids next to me. Now we got to sit here like fucking mutes because you, you don't want the way to go from one end to the other. Fuck him. Fuck him. That's his fucking job. You know? Yeah. It's Lee say something, say something. I had the same problem. When I first got here, I had the same fucking problem. And I wouldn't say none for two reasons. I didn't want nobody to think I was a bad guy and my addiction. I didn't want nobody to fuck up my addiction. And

then one day I started talking. And then when I got off the addiction, I started talking and now they don't like me. But when I opened my mouth, it's because I'm protecting myself. I'm not opening my mouth to be a jerk off. I'm opening my mouth to say, Hey, enough. Yeah. What the fuck you think you're doing? You're not going to do. I'm not opening my mouth to fight nobody. I'm an old man. I got problems. I've been in prison. I don't want to fight nobody. I mean, no, I don't have time for that shit. But you do have your space in this life. And that's all you have. You know, we were talking earlier about these people now that that everybody is taking sides. You know, we live in a society where it's cool to take sides or it's cool to open up your mouth without really knowing

what's going the fuck on. And I was very scared when I got to LA. I was insecure. Again, I was a young comic. I wanted to do well. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be likable. So for years, people said shit. And I didn't say nothing. One night I was at the store and I walked back there and some comedian while Willie Parsons brought me up and he said something about me till this day I think about it. I should have said something. But you know what? Where's while Willie Parsons today? He's fucking irrelevant. Yeah. So it doesn't really fucking matter what he said or what he didn't fucking say. You know, till this day, I love to fucking punch him in the fucking head, those old style comics. But you know what? I took the fucking high road. Yeah. And I looked at him

and I put it in God's hands and I'm still here. What a fuck is he? Yeah. What the fuck? What was the last TV show he did? What was the last fucking reality show he did? What was the last anything he fucking did? So you follow me when you call somebody out like that? Maybe you should think about yourself. What the fuck are you doing? But at least say something. Say something that doesn't have to be in a bad way. Just please say something so you make yourself feel better. You know, when I went to the colonoscopy, today I got to drive down to Jiu-Jitsu. I'm going down to where we were yesterday. I'm here around in Wilshire to go to Regan Machado's at 10 o'clock. Ask me if I want to go there. How long you know me? I don't even like driving to the fucking store. But it's

time, you know, it's time to get out of your fucking comfort zone. Yeah. You know, sometimes you have to get so I'm going to go down there. I also called in for spots at the comedy store this week. You know, Tommy got fired from the comedy store. It's been a big deal around town. I didn't give a fuck that Tommy got fired or not. You know, I just want to, I know there's something missing from my life. I know that during the week, I only do spots like I'll drop in the flappers or on Wednesdays, I'll go to the ha ha and not to put the ha ha down or to put flappers down, you know, Bill Burrs at the store, Mark Marins at the store, Ari's at the store, you know, Sebastian Menacalcos at the store. There's all these comics and that's the A league. And if you

want to play in the A league, that's where I have to go. It's my home. That's where I developed as a comic. That's where I, I fucked myself up and made myself a man. So I'm going to go back this weekend and do some spots, you know, somebody called me for a weekend fallout. So I'm going to wait today and see. And I just called in for Wednesday and Thursday because I had the podcast and I didn't know about tonight. I might even go down there tonight if I have nothing to do, just see it, say hello and whatever, because you know, I'm not going to sit here and preach going out of your comfort zone and I don't do it myself. Yeah. And I thought about it yesterday when I hung up with Higa Machado, I go, what am I thinking going down the class down there? And I go,

it's time to get out of my fucking comfort zone. I don't have much going on today. I wrote this morning, I'm going to go down there, fucking go to Jiu Jitsu, come back, wash my pussy, go to acupuncture and take it to the park. Yeah, that's my fucking day today. No, that's, it's, uh, you've been, you've been on me to go to a class at the gym now. And part of it is that you're shy, you're shy, you're not fucking, you're not tip-top chef. That's the thing like you're thinking you're going to have to leave after 30 minutes. Perfect. Yeah. Just walking to the class, if it starts at 8.15, look at the clock and go, if I make it to 8.30 today, I'm good. And then when you go next week, some chicks are going to come up to you and go, Hey man,

what happened to you last week? Were you okay? And you go, you know, I wasn't in shape. My calf was bothering me. I got a cramp. I didn't drink enough. Whatever you have to say, but you keep going. Yeah. And you keep trying them and you may not like it. Hey, I belong to the Y. I've taken simple stretch at the Y. I've taken simple stretch. I've taken all the yogas. I've taken Tai Chi at the Y. I've taken the cardio fit at the Y. I take the spin class at the Y. I've broken it up over the years. I don't go anymore because I like the teachers. Like there was a one spin teacher that her husband was a kickboxer. So half her workout was kicking and then she put you on the bike and really run your legs. She left. Oh, okay. And then I had the chick who called

in here. I forget what her name is off the bat. She was a great yoga teacher. Then she left, you know, so you get accustomed to the teachers. Now I'm dying to go back to the Y to a class. I went Saturday and took Mercy swimming and my wife did the yoga. Well, I took Mercy swimming. I don't know if I told you about that. What a fucking day that was. Oh, wow. No, you didn't. A lot of fucking kids in that goddamn class. Yeah, it's just my whole personality is to kind of not be seen, I guess. Like I always go to the back of the ellipticals. I'm not the big out there kind of guy. So to go into the class, I wouldn't even know where to stand. It's stupid things to think about. And you watch. But it's what I do. And as you get better, you move up

because then people are coming after you and they're going to go to the back of the class. And then you move up and now they start watching you. It's a fucking evolution. Don't ever be embarrassed about taking care of yourself. Don't ever be embarrassed. You're going to be surprised how many people are going to be very supportive. Oh, everyone's been great at the gym. Everybody. Everybody. Listen, when you're talking about health now and what's people going through, everybody wants you to succeed when you go to a gym. It's the weirdest fucking thing. You know, you were asking me, man, you're going more and more to jiu-jitsu now. You know what? Everybody wants me to succeed even though they know I'm fucking horrible. I'm horrible. It doesn't

matter if I don't keep going. This is anything. If I don't keep showing what I talk on this fucking podcast with you is garbage. What I talk on the Rogan podcast is garbage. This is what I truly feel in my heart. So for me to get better at jiu-jitsu, and it's not even about the jiu-jitsu for me. It's about getting healthy. It's about getting, you know, my blood moving. It's about just moving around, sweating, you know, and just getting the fuck out of here. Not having comedy on my mind all the time. I hate when I have comedy on my mind all the time because then nothing gets accomplished. I can't write. I can't do nothing. It's when I'm loose that I can fucking write, you know? Like last night I tried to write the whole story about the colonoscopy

and there was maybe two or three funny fucking things that they give you pictures of your asshole to take home and look at them and your colon. And you're like, why do I want to look at pictures? You to bring them in? No, I don't bring them in. I'm not taking those out of the house. I think I ripped them up. Why would they give you a picture of your asshole? Like they show up from the beginning. Yeah. And how tight you get my little asshole tight. That motherfucker was tight. That thing, that thing is waterproof. You can't get a drip of fucking water in their wind. You know how some roofs have like a little gap? Nothing. You could see it was smeared. Like it was spun around. Like it didn't want, it knew something was coming in there. It circled that motherfucker.

You keep it in your wallet when people watch young pictures of their kids. Look at my asshole. I know. Look at me cracking funny stuff. But no, I, you know, I tried to write it out last night and think of funny experiences and there really wasn't nothing funny about it, you know? I mean, but that was funny. They give you pictures of your asshole. They give you pictures of your colon. They show you what a fucking, where your little thing, because they pulled out three little things, but they were all benign. There was nothing. They were just little. Oh, so you got the results into everything? Yeah. Yeah. They'll call me today with the thing, with the guy goes, no, there's nothing there. You wanted me to eat a more high fiber diet?

Yeah. Because I want you to eat a little bit more lettuce. But he goes, it looks good for a fat guy. He goes, for a big guy. Usually guys your size come in here. They got all that Burger King residue on their asshole and, you know, fish and chips and fucking fast food and nachos and burritos. Because you didn't have that. And I told him, I don't need fast food. I really don't need any fast food at all. You know? I'm sure. I don't even know why I'm asking you this. But since I've been eating healthier, I find I'm shitting less. Am I doing something wrong? Should I be? I'm trying to eat more fiber, but I don't know, but I mean, I figure I look at you. I'm like, well, you probably takes good shit. You're eating smaller meals. Yeah. So you're not going to take those horse

shits that you usually do. Okay. You know, I was getting worried. Like I just If you're eating fucking eight ounces of food, instead of what were you eating before? 92 pounds of food. Yeah. It condenses. You're going to be on the toilet for a while. But you cut your diet in half. So obviously you don't have to sit, you know, you cut all your time in half. You don't have to sit there. God forbid we talk about shit on the podcast. People get mad at us. Don't talk about it was a beautiful podcast that you brought up a farter. So what are you going to do? It's a way of life where you don't know what you don't fuck up. So I got Lee Sciatico looking good this fucking morning on a Tuesday morning. Again, we're sorry about yesterday. I knew your people

were sitting around going Joey, it's fucking Monday. What's crackle I can hear we can't get rid of the devil. I had not was yesterday. We couldn't do the podcast in the morning. No, that was wild, man. And I felt bad. I really did. I like one day morning. Yeah, me too. I fucking love getting up and love yelling and love listening to fucking music. Where's the musically play something for me? Play a little fucking arrow smithing me something. I know you got something that Oh, we forgot that's right. We'll do I played this morning also. I play yes that played this morning. Oh, shit. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. I watched a fucking tremendous movie. Yeah, your time and it was more than

just a movie for me. It was like fucking some symbolism something happened the other night. What made this the conoscopy easier was one my friend Jim Handy. I want to give him a shot. Let's shout out. He's recovering from cancer. I don't think it's as cancer. It's just a regular he's getting chemo done right now. The main reason why I did this and what made it easier is I could say, well, the people want, you know, now listen to the podcast. A lot of people email me. Thank you for those. But what made it a lot easier was my friend Marilyn Martinez passed in 2007. She was the one that about a week or two before I quit doing blow. She was the one that looked me in the eye and said, Joe, you have to

stop doing blow. And she died in 2007 at her at her fucking remembrance. I went fucking crazy on Jeff Valdez was going to choke them. They did a write up. But she died of colon cancer. So it made it easier for me to take the test. Now, I'm a big Peter Sellers fan. One of my biggest comedy influences is the pink panther with Peter Sellers. I love those movies. I love the physical comedy. I love his faces. She always told me that being there was his best movie. Being there is his best movie you got to watch. You got to watch it. So last week, if it's not fucking on Sundance being there and I tape it and Saturday night or Sunday in the daytime, we started watching it. I had nowhere to go. I had to sit there. So I started watching it and it was Peter Sellers. He's like a gardener

and his boss dies and nobody really knows who he is and blah, blah, blah. And then he gets hit by a car by Shirley McClain. They throw him out of the house and he gets hit by a car and she brings him home and her husband's filthy rich and introduces him to the president of the United States. And it just goes on and on and on. But you know those movies that you watch and you'll keep asking yourself why the fuck am I watching this? Yeah. You ever have those movies that you're like what the fuck am I watching this movie all the time, but you can't you just can't turn it off or some movies I'll turn the fuck off. This one, I kept watching it going. I wonder where this is fucking going. Sure enough, it takes me deeper and deeper and then I don't want to give up the plot.

I don't want to be that guy. All I want to say is the fucking ending blew my mind. It was one of the strongest endings that I had ever seen in a film and his first off his performance was fucking extraordinary because I had never seen him do anything. Well, I've seen him do one movie. It was an early Peter Sellers movie. I don't know what the name of it is, but I watched him do this and it was just fucking amazingly to see this guy not be funny. He was not funny. He was charming when he would laugh. He was charming, but he wasn't funny. Was it like when was it to take you out of it at all at the beginning because sometimes to take you out of it because sometimes if a comedic actor tries to do a dramatic role,

like you just can't see it sometimes. No, I saw it. I followed him the whole way. He was that captivating that I followed him the whole way and it had such an ending that I sat there for what happened was you have to do the medicine they give you to clean you out. You have to do a five in the afternoon. So I went to bed at nine. I got up at two and I drank the other half. You have to drink two bottles. Oh, after two, you're not going to go to bed because that's where the shit really starts coming on. So I watched the two. I put it on the two and drank a cup of coffee because four hours before the procedure, you can't drink any liquid. So I just drank coffee from two to two thirty and then I watched this film and it was amazing that that's when I decided to call

Marilyn. I was so called Marilyn. That's when I decided to call the store. I've always said that for you to grow as a as a writer, as whatever, that you have to be entertained. Sometimes when I'm stuck writing comedy or I'm stuck in my personal life or something's bothering me, I try to get entertained. Sometimes it works whether it's music, whether it's self music, I put on or something. This was something that hit me out of completely left field. So it entertained me so much that let me know what I wanted to do. Whatever confusion I had Sunday night. I don't know why. I don't even know if I should tell people that you're going to think I'm fucking crazy. I'm not crazy. Whatever hang ups I had at that minute before the phone rings.

I got my man Billy Corbin calling today. We're going to talk about the KKK cops in Miami and other things. I have an idea for Billy fucking Corbin of Dame Miami. But it's amazing that everything came into perspective before 30 in the morning. I don't know if this ever happened to anybody. You're walking around, you have different doubts, maybe a job, maybe a relationship, maybe a decision you have to make and you're having a hard time making it and then doing something stupid or seeing something. Just looking outside yourself for five minutes makes you make that decision. That watching that. Now we got a call. I'm sorry. What's happening beautiful? Good morning. Good morning to you,

my little fucking ball of knowledge. What's happening? I had a little bit of a cold. I don't think it's Ebola though. But if my eyes start bleeding during the show, I might have to call an ambulance. Okay, you do what you need to do. Can you fucking believe they're bringing those Ebola people back here? Is that fucking crazy or is it me? Well, first of all, the first thing that's crazy is apparently there's a secret serum. There's like a cure that like they've let 800 plus people die in Africa since February, but all of a sudden two white dudes, two missionaries in Liberia get it. And there's a cure. All of a sudden they send like this, this secret serum down there. Like I don't, I'm not one of

these conspiracy guys, nor am I the type of guy that sees like racism everywhere in a low. That's racism. But what else could explain it? It's like it's the cure that when white people get it, they've been holding out like I don't understand. That's fucking amazing. Because they said they would have something. Because they're giving them the serum first, I think. So they're like flushing them out, you know, before they even shipped them back here. But I thought the whole point of like, you know, of separating people, you know, with a disease or without it, you know, the whole concept of that was like, if you have a country that doesn't have the disease, why would you voluntarily introduce it into the country? Like so far, America's been clean,

right? I mean, we've been okay. And now we're going to bring fly people over who have the disease. It seems rather misguided, I will agree with you. No, it's fucking crazy. What's been going on in your world? Last week you called me, you were guest hosting a radio show. You're always doing something, Billy. Yeah, you know, it's funny. I don't know if you remember this dude, Rick Sanchez. He was like a broadcast legend in Miami. They were part of the big movement that changed local news into the, if it bleeds, it leads mentality into that era. So his station was revolutionary, if you could call it that, in that form of, you know, shock, jock local news. And he was like

the Howard Stern of that local news era. And he goes national, as a lot of the talent in Miami does eventually. He went to, I think he went to MSNBC. Then he went to CNN. Then he made some pretty famous remarks referencing Jews in the media in, in, in like, because John Stewart was making fun of him on the daily show, which I would think would be an honor for any newsman or news person. And so he makes some remarks and the next thing you know, he gets shit canned. He gets fired from his CNN gig. And now he's back in Miami. He's doing this, this local radio show. And he just started like this spanglish language, um, like local news comedy type of show, almost his own daily show or however you say daily show in Espanol. And, um, so he has this show and it's

slightly, I'm going to say like right-leaning. It's a little bit conservative because he's on the same network radio station in Miami that like, excuse me, Sean Hannity and, and Rush Limbo are on. And so I kind of was asked to guest host it. And I wanted to bring it back a little bit more to the center, you know, to kind of have a little bit more of a, of drops of knowledge and talk to some people who have different views than you would typically hear in the two hours before they have Rush Limbo on. So we talked about same sex marriage. We talked about when you were on, uh, you know, uh, medical marijuana, maybe some things that they don't necessarily hear about on that show. Uh, and I, and I'm pretty, I didn't want to ever get invited back on again. So I,

I was like, let's just, let's just drop, drop truth bombs all over the show for three days while I was guest hosting it. And, and that's what you did. You always deliver. You always deliver. You're a fucking man of so many fucking things. You know, I don't, I follow like a, I don't even know who the fuck I follow on Twitter. Does anybody, does anybody ring my bell? Not really. One person does. And that's you. Cause every fucking day, you post shit about Miami that you have to sit there and go, what the fuck, whether it's an alligator, you know, it's always something, 20 pounds a blow found in the center of this house, the chick is dead on top of it. This shit only happens in South Florida. And for people who don't

know about South Florida, it's fucking crazy. You know, like, uh, right now we're living in a society that you shoot a BB gun at a school, it makes Yahoo right away. Yeah. Like anything to do it, they don't even, they've gotten over Miami. Like the only person that keeps Miami on the map that tells us what really going on in Miami is you. Well, you know, I think about, you know, the crazy shit that I did as a kid and I wasn't that crazy of a kid, but I think about like what happens to kids today for just doing stupid stuff. Like I remember, you know, my elementary school was like the local neighborhood elementary school. So like we'd ride our bikes there on the weekends and we would like hop the fence and climb up on the roof and run around on the roof. And I think

today kids would get tasered to death for doing something like that. You know, like they'd be arrested for, you know, they'd be 11 years old and get arrested for trespassing and damage to school property and they would ruin these kids lives. You know, as opposed to just being like some young mischievous kids who aren't looking to hurt anybody, but you're just kind of, you know, filling the dead air between, you know, between the school days on the weekend, you know, and I, and you're right about that. Like the second some dumb shit happens. It's somehow all over social media. Sometimes it's even true. But in the case of Florida, there was just like, this is why we built our business here. You know, our company, we went to, when we went to Sundance

in 2001 with our first documentary, we were like the youngest guys in the history, youngest filmmakers at that time in the history of Sundance, who were the only guys from Miami, filmmakers from Miami. And everybody said we did like our movie like was on the front page of the New York Post. It was about the alleged rape of a stripper at the Delta Chi Frat House at the University of Florida in Gainesville. And the whole night's events with the strippers and the alleged rape were all caught on videotape. And we put it in the movie. And so it became a big, a big deal because of how graphic the footage was. And people disagreed when they saw the footage, whether or not it was a rape or a consensual sex act, seeing the same, the same footage, they disagreed about whether it was a

rape or not. So it got, it got, it made a big splash. And then we did like 60 interviews in six days. And all the press asked the same question. The last question was always the same. They're like, okay, you guys have been anointed the bells of the Sundance ball by a, by New York Post. Are you going to move to LA? You're going to move to New York. And we're like, hell no, we're going back home to Miami. And they're like, well, why? And we said, well, first of all, that's why you call it home, because it's where you go back to when you're done doing other shit, you know? And second of all, we knew that this was like, this town was just an untapped resource of just so many compelling characters and stories. And what's, what's my old saying that I always go

to. It's LA is where you go when you want to be somebody, New York's where you go when you are somebody, and Miami's where you go when you want to be somebody else. And that kind of informs the whole attitude of the place of Florida in general. Like it's, it, Edna Buchanan, the Pulitzer Prize winning crime reporter once said, it's like Miami's like the end of the line. If you're running from anything in this country, eventually you're going to run out, you're going to run out of time and run out of, of, of, of space in, in Miami. That's how far you can, you can, you can run. And the truth is we have a saying in Florida that the further north you go, the further south you are. You know, as you go up the state, you know, Miami is like the Atlanta of Florida, you know,

like you have Atlanta and then you have the rest of Georgia, you know, like it's, that's what, what Florida's like. You know, we have Miami, there's a couple places that are kind of like, you know, Palm Beach, Broward and, and Miami-Dade County are like the blue tip on a red cock of Florida, you know, and believe me, there's nothing the rest of the state of Florida would enjoy more than being able to circumcise South Florida off the, off the rest of the, off the rest of the state. And even crazier shit seems to happen in like Central Florida and Northern Florida. And that's why you find a lot of the guests on like Jerry Springer type shows, a lot of them come from, from Central Florida, which is where your KKK cops are from, of course.

You got to break that down for us. Because when I read that shit, I nearly, I had to stop and look 10 times. Don't trust me. It didn't shock me. I know it exists. But when you make it Florida, your home, it really hits home down there. The KKK cops. Well, I got to say, I think by which I mean, I hope that this is an isolated kind of an incident. This is a very small town. Florida's got a lot of small towns, you know, it's not just Miami and Miami Beach and Palm Beach and all the places, Fort Lauderdale, you know, all the places that people envision or come to when they visit Florida, like Orlando, for example. This is a town, Fruitland Park. It's got about 4,000 people. It's just north of Orlando, which is of course home to, to Disney World, the happiest

place on earth. And the just below Ocala, which is like an equestrian small country equestrian type of community. So Fruitland Park is what it's called. And, and as much as I'd like to say that this is an isolated incident, even in a state as crazy as Florida, even with the police corruption stories that seem to come out of here, unfortunately, daily, you really haven't experienced the full spectrum of Florida's insanity till you've seen this photograph. But I know you've seen it, Joe, because I posted it on Twitter of a cop with his badge, with his gun belt, with his uniform, and then he's got the clan hood on, on, and the clan robe on top of that. I mean, it's, it's absolutely petrifying. Just this picture alone. Talk about speaking a thousand words, but

what happened was this time, this department has about 13 officers in the entire department. That's the whole thing. And it turns out that of the, of this small department, you had maybe four employees, three officers, potentially, and a secretary who was once married to one of the officers were members of the Ku Klux Klan, one of whom who actually resigned in 2009. I believe the difference between a police officer resigning and being fired is that they, they, I think they, they might even get to collect a pension if they're owed anything. They get to collect, you know, vacation days. And because they weren't fired, they sometimes have an opportunity, though they retain their like law enforcement credentials. They can go and work in another

department, which is of course a frightening fact, but I think this guy's name is, I think the Google search would probably kill him. You'd think on, on future job opportunities, but this cop who resigned in 2009, he was actually a recruiter for his local clan. Um, I, I, everyone, they call them Klegels. Klegels with a K is what they call these recruiters. And he wound up recruiting another officer in Fruitland Park and that guy's wife, who, as I said, was a, a secretary who also worked at the Fruitland Park Police Department. And this guy winds up, the first guy who resigned rats out this other guy to the FBI and rats out another, uh, deputy chief, uh, who's with the department, uh, who, I have to tell you something

kind of funny. Maybe they'll listen to this show and change it, but they, like I said, at the small department and they had not updated their website on the deputy chief, uh, who res, who, uh, resigned. Um, he, he, um, his picture is still up on the website, uh, as a, um, as an officer in the, in the department, which is kind of, which is kind of funny. Um, not, they're not big on, uh, on the social media or, or, or updating the, uh, the websites. Um, but you also might have a situation by the way, where this guy, this, this kind of scorned a former employee, um, might have ratted out one of these guys, uh, just to get back at him. Uh, but the other guy, definitely there's pictures of him adding a clan initiation ceremonies.

And of course, because it's Florida, they had some crazy defense and the guy said, no, I was working undercover with my wife. The chief told us to work undercover and infiltrate this local, you know, clan, uh, uh, group so that we could out the other cop that had already left the force in 2009 because of, because of these allegations. And then the, they asked the chief who retired, did you assign these guys to this random undercover work? And he says, hell no. He says, we don't, we don't, the undercover work, we don't really do at our level when you have a department this small. Their entire town is like three miles long. He's like, we would never do anything when he undercover work like this. There's no paperwork

that exists to, to, to, to, to, to, uh, buttress this claim of, of, uh, undercover work. And it just turns out that these guys voluntarily are perhaps as a result of peer pressure. Um, this police officer and his wife joined this other police officer in the Ku Klux Klan. And the real tragedy of this, to tell you the truth, um, because I don't know that there's been any, uh, documented incidents of racism or, or anything on their part, but you have cases, cases that these, um, cops were involved in that they have to dismiss. So there, there might very well be criminals beyond the Klan, beyond these cops criminals that go free because you can't rely on testimony from these police officers because they're members of the

Ku Klux Klan. I mean, if you had a defense attorney, you'd pulled up this picture of the cop in his uniform and his badge and his gun belt wearing a fucking hood and, and, you know, with, with, with eye holes cut out of it, uh, you know, with bed sheets on his head and you'd say, case dismissed, your honor, and the, and the judge would say, you're out of here. So they have to drop any criminal cases that these cops were involved in investigating because there's no, there's no faith, uh, or credibility in their testimony. So this is, this is kind of the cascading effect that happens when you have, unfortunately, a situation where we're, we're, we're either good cops go bad or what I think is happening more often. Bad people are becoming

cops. You know, you have a certain segment. I don't know what the percentage is. I hope it's small, but a percentage of people who are, you know, either now adjusted or power hungry, who, who aren't like, you know, good people who become police officers to do the right thing, but they're bad people who become police officers so that they can do the bad, they could do bad things and continue to get away with it because usually there's no accountability. In this case, the pictures, the photographic evidence is pretty damning and, uh, and they're, and they're going down. Hey, Billy, this is Lee. I produced the show. Just, just a weird question. They, I mean, they let the KKK- Dude, I'm from, I'm from Florida. There are no

weird questions. They let the KKK protest now and it's not like a terrorist group anymore. It's more, from what I've heard, it's more, I don't, I don't know exactly what they do, but let's say this cop was upfront when he first started and said, let, listen, I'm part of the KKK. If they didn't hire him, could he like legally sue them and be like, it's discrimination? Like, I just, like, is that, is that even possible? Could he have admitted to it and then got, and then been hired? Like, it just- I think that's a very funny question. And, and by the way, we have so many lawyers in the state of Florida. I'm relatively certain he could find one that would, that would take on that, that lawsuit, because that would be a

federal lawsuit. Interesting to think like, or the claim might be that they're discriminating against him for his involvement in this social club or this political organization. I think because of the, well, we'll say the, the well-known tradition of the Klan and its positions, that, that I think that would be sufficient grounds for not hiring someone, or in this case, firing up someone, because I mean, you kind of have to not have those types of biases that, that the, you know, that, that the Klan is very well known for. So while I wouldn't put it past lawyers in Florida, because there are so many and they're desperate for work to bring a case like that, especially with what we've seen. I mean, we have a police officer in Miami Beach. Get this.

This just happened last week. A police officer in Miami Beach. Actually, last year he failed a drug test, a random drug test. He tested positive for cocaine. So they fire the guy, right? I mean, that's pretty simple. It's, it's, you know, step one, you take a random drug test, step two, you test positive for cocaine, step three, you're fired. It's over. Last week, after extensive arbitration, he got his job back, including back pay of about $74,000 that while he was, while he had been fired. So he's getting paid back pay for time. He didn't work. He's essentially been on vacation and fighting to get his job back. Here was his defense, this only in Miami moment. His defense was a, an old Cuban friend of mine gave me a penis cream because I was having some

sexual dysfunction issues in a, in a, in like a purple jar that I don't know. He bought it some fucking botanica along with a goat and some chango centauria candles. He gives him this penis cream that the man applied to his penis and it turns out it was laced with cocaine. It was some homemade concoction or formula. The man put just a strange unlabeled jar. He put this cream on his penis and it, it's seeped in the cocaine laced cream, seeped into his system, unbeknownst to him through his penis. And as a result, he accidentally inadvertently had cocaine in his system at the time he took the test. Guess what? They accepted that defense. They reinstated him and he's getting back pay. So I wouldn't put it past anyone in the state of Florida to get their

job back by saying, come on, I was just a member of the clan. You can't discriminate against me for that. You know, it's, uh, I don't know if you, you know, I'm Cuban and as a child, nobody's perfect job. Right. As a child, as a child, I got to go to Miami and, uh, you know, being from New York City, it was, uh, it was a different world. The lizards, the swamp, you know, my, uh, my family owned property in the falls. They were, they had the construction company that built the falls pretty much. They would go, uh, specifically 130th Street and 100th Avenue. I remember that in the era in the mid sixties, late, early seventies, 68, 69, I would go down there. My godfather would go down there, would have bulldozer and knock down all that fucking swamp and, and then they'd build

one house, which he would move into. And then, uh, they'd build four more and it was a whole block. And after he sold the four houses, he'd sell his and he'd leave and go build something else. And while I would go down, I went down there from the ages of four to about 12. He had six different properties, you know? So I got Mike's, I went to Red Berries baseball camp. I, you know, I went to all the beaches. I'd go down and get tutored. So if I had a, if I was doing bad at math, my mother would send money down and I'd go down there. I mean, I was part of a family. You know, they were my cousins and it was really weird. I never ended up in Florida being as crazy as I am. But I, oh, I've been to Florida from Jacksonville all the way down to Miami. And I got

to tell you in all my travels, it is one of the most fucking weirdest places. And I'm not putting it down. You know, when I went on a lamb in 82, I lived in Sarasota for two fucking months. Of course. Talk about, you know, nobody will find you in Sarasota. No, you know, I think statistically the vast majority of fugitives on America's most wanted events, they get caught in Florida. If you watch that show on this, you know, when I go on the road on Fridays and Saturdays, I enjoy it because I get to watch daytime TV, something I don't watch. I've got a notebook, I get coffee, I smoke some weed and I try to write jokes, listen to, you

know, gangland and shit like that. But there's a show on one of those things that I almost got caught. It's on Discovery or something. It's always about a guy. Discovery ID, Discover ID. Yeah, yeah, one of those. It's always about, I almost got caught. And 80% of the time, they go through Florida. I watched one about a kid from New, Brooklyn that robbed a family and he went to Florida. And then when he was in Florida and West Palm, he robbed the sheriff's house by mistake. And here's the weird thing that he was doing all this in 19, when he was 25 and he got arrested in 88 in Vegas, finally. And I related a lot to his

story, you know, he was a career fucking criminal. And he's not going to get released until 2025, because Florida has him, because Florida will give you some fucking time also. Oh, yeah. They give you time. We have a big private prison industry here. That's why you have 88% of Floridians right now. This is the latest polling. 88% of Florida voters support medical marijuana, which is going to be on the ballot in November. Amendment two, vote yes, if you're listening in the state of Florida. But 88% support it. 10% are against it. I'm estimating the other 2% were two stones to respond to the poll. But 10%, that's it. When was the last time 88% of anybody agreed on

anything for crying out loud? And the 10% who are against it, Governor Rick Scott, who has an interest in private prisons and in a drug testing company. Okay. Then you have the attorney general, who's a Republican, who's against it. Then you have the Florida Sheriff's Association, who, of course, they're against it. They want to preserve asset forfeiture, which is a huge money generator for them, which is of course legalized theft, because the police can seize your assets in the event that you are suspected, not convicted and not proven beyond a reasonable doubt, but suspected of a crime. They can take your property. They can take your cash. They could take your car. They could take your home and they can sell it for their own

to profit their own organization, their own police department before you are ever convicted. The charges might be dropped. You can get out and the police department could have sold your house, your car, seize your money, et cetera. There's no pure motives for any of the people who are against the legalization of medical marijuana, but that's the state of Florida. That's just us here. There are no pure motives of our... We have a governor right now who was the CEO in charge of the hospital company, one of the largest hospital companies in America, who was responsible for the largest Medicare fraud, multi-billion-dollar Medicare fraud in the history of America. He took the fifth. He pled the fifth on a videotape deposition 75

times. Then he spent $75 million of his own money, the ill-gotten gains he got from this Medicare fraud company, and became the governor of the state of Florida. And this is the guy who's the governor of state of Florida. To the credit of Floridians, the same schmucks us who elected him, he has had the lowest poll ratings of like any governor in America for his term the last three, four years. But this is who runs the state. And I always joke. I say, listen, if you're going to be the governor of the great state of Michigan, for example, you want a guy who knows something about the biggest industry in your state, which is, of course, the automobile industry. And if you're going to be the governor of the state of Florida, you want somebody who knows something about one

of our biggest industries, Medicare fraud. So there you go. And what do they say? In a democracy, people get the government they deserve. Well, bienvenido a Florida. You know, 88% is no surprise. And again, I'm not proud of this fact, but part of my love for Florida was the drugs. I mean, when I first discovered cocaine, I was down there in 84, 83. And I had never seen anything like that. I had never seen anything like that. In fact, this guy who I was watching that show the other day, I almost got caught went to Florida. And his first morning in Florida, he says he wakes up, he looks out the window and there's cops everywhere with their guns drawn. And he fucking hides under the bed. And after five minutes that they don't

kick in the door, he calls. It's 1983 in Miami. He's, you know, they're doing a reenactment. And he calls the front desk and he goes, excuse me, I just woke up and there's cops all over the thing goes, I don't worry about it. They just found, you know, 22 bales of blow on the beach. It happens all the time. Just stay in your room for a couple of minutes. And, you know, when I went to Miami in 83 and these kids that were my age, maybe a little, I was 21. And there's these young kids telling me about where they live is the inlet, like the end of the ocean. And they would go down there before school. That was what they did before school to see if anything floated up. They would tell me stories about when they pull out bales of weed. That's

how I got to Paraquat that time. I got, bales of weed was stuck underwater. It was salty. Whenever I smoked the weed, it was very salty. And I guess they sprayed that with Paraquat. And that's when I got my lung infection from Florida, a fucking weed. But it's amazing how it's all, look at the, the, isn't the, the pill business the biggest it is in Florida? Correct? It was the pill mills. There were more pill mills in Broward County, which is just north of Miami Dade. There was more pill mills for a while than, than McDonald's. Now what's, what's a pill mill? So a pill mill was one of these, it was kind of a throwback. I don't know if you remember the pain relief centers back in the 70s and 80s, where they like sold Quailudes. And it was kind

of like this, this grain market situation. So the pill mills are mostly oxy right now. They're mostly oxy, um, which was killing up to seven people a day in Florida for a while. Can you imagine? They were, they were, we were killing seven people a day on oxy, on these quote legal, uh, you know, toxic prescription drugs, but, but 10% of Florida's against medical marijuana. But meanwhile they had this situation where you would go into these pain relief centers, uh, here in, in, uh, in South Florida and you would basically go to one window where a doctor would, would look you up and down and say, oh, you're not well, you need a prescription and they'd hand you a prescription. Then he would take a big step to the left. You would take a big step to the right,

to the next window and you'd open up the window and there would be the pharmacist, sometimes the same guy is the doctor, uh, who just, who just quote unquote examined you and they would fill your prescription right there. And these basically just became kind of drug dens of sorts. And you had, uh, you had a situation where people from Kentucky were coming, uh, were coming, or people were going from Florida to Kentucky, uh, with the, with the oxy, they call the Appalachian Trail and, and the sheriff, uh, in, in, in, sheriff's in towns in Kentucky said they were pulling over more people with Florida plates than Kentucky plates and they were bringing up these drugs and people were just dropping dead left and right. And you could just go right from Florida,

from the pill mills, right up the Appalachian Trail, as they said, and, and sell these drugs and people were just, you know, whether you were kids, women, whoever, just dropping dead, uh, from, from, from oxy and they started to crack down. Uh, uh, it took years, uh, but there's always that learning curve, you know, with law enforcement catching up to drug trends and things like that. But this is a legal drug quote unquote legal drug, you know, FDA approved, um, you know, your doctor can prescribe it to you, but they were just basically, um, I mean, making, you're talking about making hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash, uh, a week, uh, from, from selling these pills to, uh, to drug addicts and children. And that was a huge

business, um, in Florida for a while. They had since cracked down on it. And fortunately, um, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's a lot better, I can, I can say than it was before. How did they justify it when, before they cracked down? Because I, I heard like, didn't they not like keep track of it? So you could go to like a pill mill down the road and get the same bottle like twice in the same day. So like, how did, how did they justify like that it was legal before they started cracking down? Oh, it was worse. I mean, you would walk in and you could bring a, an x-ray. It could be someone else's x-ray. The doctor would look at it upside down. He'd hold it up to the light and say,

yeah, oh yeah, you're in bad shape. Here's your prescription. I mean, these were total cursory bullshit examinations and they were again, and also you have some of the same businesses as I said, selling the pills. There was nothing really legal about it. It was more of, I'll say it was, it was a gray area, a gray area of the law because again, these pills are legal. They can be sold, uh, you know, through pharmacy. You can get them at Walgreens and CVS. In fact, I think Walgreens, uh, had a major, uh, uh, actually was sued by the federal government and settled for a lot of money with the DEA because of what they were doing in Florida, which is, as you put it, they weren't really tracking who was buying what and people could,

they were, they were accepting prescriptions from suspicious doctors who clearly just had pads of oxy prescriptions all ready to go and you had people lining up out the door to get them and then going to different Walgreens locations, uh, and getting them. So the DEA actually had to crack down on, on, uh, on Walgreens, America's worst pharmacy. I hope they're not a sponsor, uh, but, uh, and that's just one of the many reasons why they're, they're America's worst, uh, worst pharmacy. Um, they also, they also moved offshore to take their profits, uh, with them as well. So they can, they can sell poison to American children and kill them, uh, with impunity, but they, they won't pay taxes, uh, or a higher tax rate in America because they, they've moved

their headquarters, uh, offshore to boot, but this was like a gray area of the law, um, that these guys existed in and it just took time for them to catch up. It's crazy how they make the distinction because my first job for two years was CVS, the pharmacy in Massachusetts and towards the end of me working there, it was the big, uh, the big cough syrup and cough medicine craze and I literally had to card and scan licenses for people and they went bananas. Like, and it makes sense. I mean, moms would come in with sick kids and maybe they, they just walked over to the store and I would have to literally scan and write down their address in a little book and make sure they didn't have, they can only buy a certain amount of that and that's, and that was

bad, but they can have oxy cotton stores like 7-elevens in certain areas. Here's, here's the problem with that. Of course, you know, there's also scissor. I mean, you know, are you gonna, are you gonna take fingerprints from everybody who buys, uh, who buys cough syrup? But this is the problem is that we all kind of become criminalized. I mean, I would go into, this is a problem that, you know, because one of the active ingredients in the allergy meds of course is necessary for the creation of meth, but you need a shit ton of it, but every time allergy season would roll around and I would go to CVS or Walgreens, you know, to get some Claritin because I'm, you know, I'm clearly congested. I can't breathe. I run into the store and the next thing you know,

they're got, they need my ID. I need to fill out some paperwork. They need to see my passport. I need to give them an aspirant and it's like, what the hell is that? It criminalizes everybody. I mean, you need a shit ton of Claritin to make meth, you know, like I would need to, I would need pallets full of it on forklifts to, to make meth, you know, if I was breaking bad, but like, you know, you just want to buy some, some allergy meds and the next thing, it's listen to same thing with, it's all, it's all security theater to some extent or another. I mean, we can't all be meth dealers, you know, we, we can't all be terrorists like the TSA treats all of us, you know, we can't be, you know, but like this is a classic case of your, your, because

of, of all the problems that we're now all guilty until proven innocent. Do you think part of it, and I'm not even a conspiracy theorist, but meth is pretty easy and cheap. It's, it's one of the people who are poor might make meth and people who do pills might be a little bit more well off. Do you think that's part of it? Like they, they, they, they, they want to keep the rich people happy and, and keep the poor people that they would just, they focus on them. Like I'm not even a conspiracy theorist, but just thinking about, I don't know where it comes from. Well, you know, it's all about, I think, I think it's less about that and more about the special interests because of course the major pharmaceutical companies are the ones who help finance Washington

and finance political campaigns. They're the ones who own things like Oxy, but they don't want you doing is making your own concoctions at home. You know what I mean? Whether it's, whether it's moonshining you with your, with an at-home distillery, whether it's, you know, creating your own at-home drugs, whether it's growing your own marijuana, because then you're taking money out of the pockets of the billion dollar pharmaceuticals. It's not a conspiracy theory, it's just a simple, you know, it's a simple follow the money. I looked up that, those stats, it was Walgreens had to pay $80 million in fines to end the DEA probe, that it allowed millions of, millions and millions of Oxy to reach the black market. They were to,

one, of course, always a Florida connection, as I said, but so into six Walgreens pharmacies in Florida ordered more than a million pills a year, whereas in 2011, the average pharmacy in the U.S. ordered about 63,000. Damn. One pharmacy in Fort Myers, which is my hometown, Dunk City, baby, they were ordering 95,000 pills in 2009, and then in 2011, they ordered 2.2 million Oxy pills. So that's what Walgreens, so they just ignored red flags is what the DEA said. I mean, they just thought, oh, business is booming. You know, yes, seven people a day are dying in the state of Florida, but hey, that equals millions of dollars into the pockets of Walgreens, and they're not even paying taxes in America. So what do they care?

You know, it's hysterical that I love drugs. I really did. I could lie to you and say, you know, I was that much of a fucking loo. I loved it. I loved getting high. I loved a couple lines and a valium, and I ate the Kway Ludes. I ate the fucking Benzo. I mean, I ate all those downers. I ate a 16th of an Oxy cotton, and I got to tell you, I knew it wasn't for me. From 116? I'm so grateful that your heart is still beating. A 16th. Why didn't you like it?

It was one of the roughest things. It was like my pressure dropped. You know, the color went out in my face. It was one of those type of drugs that I laid down. I got up the next morning and said, you know what, I've done a lot of things. That is not for me. That is not for me. I don't want them around me. Do I want those? I could see, Lee, you made a good point, and I think you will agree with me, Billy. Pills are the fucking drugs of fucking rich white people. Again, pills are the drugs. You know, if you look at who's eating Oxyconia, it's a bunch of fucking junkies. That's a junkie pill. But what about the other pills that we have? What about these ADD pills that people are using and misusing? You know, Adderall? Is

that what it is? Adderall and all that. What about the people who chugged down Valium's all day in the name of anxiety? Because nobody has more anxiety than me. How the fuck are you going to chug down 10 fucking Valium's and move around? What's this Ambien drug that they have? The sleeping pill, that's scary. You know, who takes fucking Ambien? Not fucking yams, not black people and fucking Liberty City, you know? And that's the other side of it. You're absolutely right, Billy. We just had this judge, Judge Lynn Rosenthal. She's a Florida state judge in Broward County. She was caught on video. She was DUI. She was driving in the morning from her home to work, okay? But by work, I mean to the courthouse. And she hits offense trying to go

into the judge's parking lot. And the police all of a sudden descend on her because there's a bunch of cops around the courthouse. And it turns out she was driving on Ambien. She was sleep driving to work, this judge. And she gets arrested. She also had Xanax on her, by the way, but she swears that she didn't take it. And she wouldn't let the cops take any blood from her to, you know, to drug test her effectively. But she did, I believe she took a urine test and she was clean for alcohol. So it was just this Ambien that she had taken. She was sleep driving. She could have killed somebody. She fortunately didn't. But because she's a judge, they dropped her DUI charge, they reduced it to reckless driving. She was sentenced to three months of probation,

24 hours of community service. Now, imagine if it had been you or I, what would have happened in that case? But this was a judge. But always remember, the prescription is what makes the difference. She had a prescription. By the way, you're absolutely right. And to her credit, she said that the doctor prescribed her pills and the, you know, the, the, the, the quantity or whatever, you know, whatever, whatever the dosage was of the pills were way too much for her. And she blamed the doctor for prescribing the, you know, overly powerful dosage in one, you know, in one pill of, of, of Ambien. Maybe she'll take a half pill. But she didn't complain when he's prescribed it. She only complained when she, when she, well, she didn't really fucking know. Listen,

Ambien is a tricky thing. I've heard, I've heard just amazing stories, but so is Adderall. So all these pills that people, you know, Adderall, they sell them on the streets in LA. I have a friend that says he buys them 40 lot or something like that. I don't know what he spends or whatever. So you know, I will tell you that, that shit works though. I mean, it's a narcotic, it is dangerous, it is powerful, but it works. There was a funny onion, onion headline years ago that said, Adderall receives honorary degree from Harvard Law School. Because if you are up studying or working or, you know, on a work bender, that shit does the trick, man. It does the trick, but I know people in college who snored it. So it's not even like

they're taking it for like the good, the good, they just take it just to get, I mean, just to get the studying done, but they get it to their bloodstream quicker. I mean, that's just a, that's just a responsible drug user right there. Puts it right in the fucking snars just to get it through. Let me ask you something, Billy. What, what are you working on? What's your next thing? We're actually in production. Now we did a, you know, we've done a couple of ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries, the sports documentaries on ESPN. We actually have, we have two of the, of the top four highest rated and are going for, going for our third.

We're doing a sequel actually. This is the first ever ESPN 30 for 30 sequel. It's to our first ESPN doc of the U, which is about the university Miami football program. So we're doing a sequel. So the sequel is going on today. We did, we did cocaine cowboy sequels. What I like to say, you know, we might, we're not one hit wonders, but we may be one trick ponies. I'm not sure yet. I would love to see you do a documentary of a day in a life in South Florida with your tweets. I was looking at your tweet. I was looking at your page one day and I go, this is a fucking movie, a day in a life in South Florida. That's the name of it from six a.m.

And you wake up to sirens and then every hour on the hour, those things that you post, because you post something interesting as fuck every three hours in South Florida, something happens that you go, what is that that he just posted? So a documentary of a day in a life in South Florida would be brilliant. Just so the rest of this fucking country could see what happens down there because nobody would believe it. You would take any hour of any day. You'd take any neighborhood to tell you the truth. And whether you're documenting a day in the life of the neighbor or the history of the neighborhood. Like you were talking about the falls and developing that developing Southwest

Miami date over there. And I told you I came from Fort Myers. My grandfather was one of the early developers who was developing a place called Lehigh Acres, which is one of the first like planned developed subdivisions in that part of the swamp. And the first thing they did was they build a grid, which means they've got paved streets for as far as the eye can see. You know, they have a grid so they could start. There's no houses. There's nobody else out there. There's nothing out there. There's just paved, you know, miles and miles and miles of paved roadways, you know, that just grid throughout the swamp. And they would come out in the morning, the construction crews to go to work. And they'd find like a plane abandoned on the straightaway

of paved road because it turned out it was the ideal spot for drug smugglers to land because you just had miles of just paved roadway. It was just like a runway for them and they could land, they could unload if they had an emergency or whatever. They could even abandon the plane because the cargo was worth a lot more than the plane ever could. They'll sell the cargo and they'll buy a new plane. But that's surely any hour or any block or any neighborhood of like Florida or South Florida. It's like instant documentary, which is why we kept our business here. Instant. And I remember when I used to go to Coconut Grove Improv when it was there. I went there from 98, maybe 99 to 2004 before they said

this kid can't come down anymore. He's gonna die in one of those hotel rooms. He's gonna die. They knew what I was doing. I would go down there for two weeks and I would just push my heart to the extent of it, you know. And I'm not a good looking guy, you know, I don't have a corvette or nothing. But I would walk into that news cafe in Coconut Grove. Yeah. And I'd always leave there with a crazy one. I don't have that magnetism. Where did you, did you say at the May Fair, where did they put you guys up? Listen, I used to stay at the May Fair, then they used to stay at the one by the road by the Pollo Tropicow, US one or something. They used to go by the Newport. Yeah, on your way out of the road. Where it turns into a bad neighborhood, like after three,

they sell crack there and shit. Right across the street. The grove is like that. The grove is kind of like New Orleans. You've got like Bourbon Street, the French Quarter, and then you've got like, you know, the ninth award right next door. Yeah, it's not, it's hard to believe. If you walk a little far south in Coconut Grove, you're gonna get a problem. You're gonna have a problem. I had a problem one night. Three black guys. Well that intersection of Grand Avenue and Douglas Road, that's like the back lot for the first 48. Right there, that intersection. I'm not kidding. It wasn't good. So they got all, they knew. They knew that every time I went to Miami, it was two weeks of the joy wake up this morning, you know, between the wet willies and the,

and the dealers and people putting packages in you. But I, the stories I tell the craziest stories are from Florida. They used to be a bartender at the improv that had a girlfriend that was studying to be a doctor. And she would come in, ask me for a bump, blow me, and just sit at the bar. Ask me to blow me. Guys, again, I'm no fucking Julius Caesar. You don't have the biggest dick in the world. One night I brought a girl home to do blow. And this girl said to me, blank out, she goes, I've never met you before. If you do a headstand, I will fuck you. Just a headstand. Could you do it? No, she left. These are the standards of women in Florida. I was too coked up to do a headstand. Do a headstand. And she would help me with the thing. I just wouldn't

do it. She goes, I gotta go. And she left. No, let me, let, Joe, let me ask you this because, because, uh, uh, I've, I have some recovering addicts in my family. I'm not a drug user. I'm not a smoker. I've never taken a hit off a joint so much as, uh, as that, uh, not that that's a bad thing. I'm, I'm a major. No, not a rare value. But medical marijuana. I just, I just, that was just a choice I made early in, early in life. And, and I would sit around with friends in high school and they'd be passing a joint and eventually they learned to just pass it over me. You know, they wouldn't even offer it to me anymore. And that's just, I grew up and I'm like, why am I going to start now? God forbid I should get sick. I would,

am I doctor prescribed? And I'd absolutely take it. Certainly safer than the vast majority of the alternatives or the, the medical, uh, you know, options, this toxic shit that we, uh, that we ingest, but, um, and our, and then our, our drug dealers in, in white lab coats, pedal and push to us. But, uh, but my question is, I always hear this from people that I know in the recovery community and people in my family. They say no matter where you go, you get off a plane, you walk into a restaurant, you're walking down the street. Other addicts and dealers can spot an addict. Like people will just come up to you and start offering you shit, you know, on the street that they just, there's like a radar, like a, a gator of, of addicts or something

that they can, does that, does that ever happen to you? Like you would just, what, people would just offer you shit because they knew you were, you know, you were looking or, or hoping that you were looking. When I was getting high over the last seven years, do people approach me? Which one? Well, when you were getting high. Oh, oh, you know, it's, they say that has a big heroin movement in Hollywood. I never did heroin in Hollywood. They say there's a big speed movement in Hollywood and pills. I never seen of that. My, my thing was cocaine. From 1984 to 2007, Billy, even if I didn't want to do cocaine, it mysteriously bumped into me. There was a point that I think I was even cursed. I,

if I tell you this, you're going to, the rest of the people who listen to it are going to think I'm crazy, but you know, I'm not crazy. When I tell you this, because you grew up with it, there was a time in my life from 83, no, 85 to maybe 94 or five, but I was convinced that somebody put a santeria spell on me to just snort coke because no matter what I did, it always bumped into me. In fact, it would bump into me for free sometimes. Even when I put that bump pun is intended. It didn't. Oh, the bump pun. I mean, even when I got, I remember getting arrested, bailing out and moving in with a roommate who I thought was clean, a decent guy, and I found out he was a huge drug dealer. You know, I had luck like that. I always had luck

like that, that I meet somebody and they'd say, Oh, my sister deals drugs. Oh, you want to stay that? She needs somebody to watch the house. Just don't touch the coke. Okay. I'm not going to touch the fucking coke. You know, that's what my life was like for the longest time. I'm going to meet a guy, one of my best friends said to me one time, he was coaxed, sleep downstairs. If you need a bump, the coke is under the baby crib. So you would have to pick the baby up and go under the crib and take the baggy out. You know how many times I picked that baby up one night, stealing coke all fucking night long. Every time I went in the room, the baby would look at me and go, I can't get moved no more. He was like a fucking year old, this girl. John Roberts in cocaine cowboys, the big

cocaine wholesaler that we interviewed in cocaine cowboys, and then cocaine cowboys reloaded, which is now streaming on Netflix, cocaine cowboys reloaded. John said that he would, you know, sometimes if he'd bring girls over to have his girlfriend or she would have her girlfriends over at the house, he kept moving the shit around the house because he didn't want her to find it because invariably when he would come home, when the girls were home alone, he would find where little holes in the bag where they would just poke a straw into a kilo. They would just poke a straw in and they would just snort right out of the kilo, right out of the piece, and there would just be little holes where the straw had been inserted. It really is amazing

the shit that I did for 30 years, the addiction part of my life that I'm definitely writing a book about. I'm definitely, because there's hours and hours of things that I can't believe happened, and they were put right on my table. I never really, all I had to do was basically go to a town, get on stage, and do two cocaine jokes. Right. That's it. By the time I get off the stage, I go to the bathroom, and two seconds I'm in the bathroom, somebody runs in and asks me if I want to bump and where I could get some. And that happened to me in every state of the county from fucking New York to West Virginia where I got taken back to a trailer. The guy thought I was talking because I kept saying, what do you got? And he goes, I got some shit that'll kill you,

but you got to follow me 45 minutes out to this trailer. I followed him out to the trailer when I got there four in the morning, it was meth. That's I bumped into drugs every city I went to. Am I proud of that statement? No. But that just goes to show you that, yes, other addicts do recognize addicts. I could tell a chick, I could tell a chick that's doing coke that likes to suck dick. That's a freak. I'll go up to him and go, let me answer something. If I give you a bump, can I eat your monkey? And they would just look at me and go, how did you know? No. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. That's why you should write a book, because what happens is it doesn't glorify it so much as addicts will read it, they'll recognize their own behavior,

and maybe change it. You could save people's lives by telling your story. That's the point, my brother. Always a fucking pleasure having you on here. Always. I really wanted to talk to you about this KKK cop to clarify that. I wanted to give you my pitch on a day in Florida. And that's it. I love you, buddy. I love you at all my heart. Like I said, I follow you and I read all those tweets because I know that there's something good. You never disappoint me. They don't make me laugh. They just make me go, Jesus fucking Christ. When does it end down there? Florida never shocks me, but it always disappoints me. I'll see you in a few months. I love you, Billy. Thanks, Joey. Have a great rest of the summer.

What's up, Lee Syac, cocksucker? No, that was a great call. That was a great call. Billy's very knowledgeable. And yeah, man, when you're an addict, fucking people will hunt you down. Let me give a little something for my sponsors here. We got a new guy. We got a new big guy. They listen to the podcast. They like what they saw. They saw that I was smoking an e-cigarette. They volunteered to send me a package. And like everything else, people send me, I try and I read it. I listen to it. I put the shirt on. Whatever the fuck you send me, I try. I'm never going to waste one of your gifts in vain. And it's called a hit e-cig. And they sent me a box and it was pretty, pretty cute box, you know, the packaging. But one thing I noticed that it's the hit 1200.

And it's guaranteed 1200 hits. You've seen me smoke a blue one here. A blue, they cost 10 bucks and you might get a whole day, maybe a day and a half or fucking for 10 bucks. I think they're charging 18 for these 15 for these, whether the fuck they are, I've had this for four weeks. Still tastes good. I got this eight milligram one eight milligrams of nicotine because they have different sizes. So let's say you want to quit smoking, you get this heated, this hit e-cigs, you go to hit e six dot com. If you want to quit smoking, and they start with 24 milligrams of nicotine, they go to 16, they go to eight, then they go to zero. You quit and you quit for cheap because their motto is better tasting and it lasts fucking longer. And I kid you not,

I've been puffing on this motherfucker for fucking weeks and to boot, they make a cigar. They make a cigar that's 24 grams of tobacco and zero grams of tobacco. The cigar, I don't have one on me. I will bring it on Wednesday. I love cigars. It's fucking tremendous. I've smoked a zero one and the one with nicotine in it, and it is fucking tremendous. The taste, you don't believe me? Have I ever bullshitted you? Have I ever bullshitted you motherfuckers? And they have a bunch of flavors too. And they got tons of flavors. I forgot to fucking quit. They got green apple, they got blueberry, they got menthol, and they got vintage. And then because they have a vintage type of motherfucker. The 1200 is 20 bucks. So, but if it lasts you a month, because how many blues do you go through?

How do you go through five blues in a week? Every time I'm with you, but these, they have a 1200 one, which gives you 1200 two second puffs, and then they have an 800 one for 15 bucks. You see the smoke I'm blowing on? This has been a fucking month already. I'm not lying to you. I don't give you nothing. If you're thinking about quitting smoking, or you just want a healthier alternative, go to hitesigs.com. See what they got to offer you. If you like it, go to a box, order it now, and put it in Joey's church. What do you get? I have no idea whether they give you 10% off and 20% off. I haven't talked to them in a couple of days. I called them this morning to verify. Give this product a shot if you're thinking of quitting smoking. I do not bullshit you. I do not give you

fake fucking products. This is a tremendous thing. You're in your office. You don't need to walk outside with the rest of the steps and freeze your ass off. You just take two little fucking puffs. And there you are, off and fucking running. Now, let me tell you something. They have vapor pens that are like this. I haven't met the house. Vapies, you take them off, you put a button there, you can fucking smoke at your desk, and then follow with a fucking 16 milligram tobacco. Who's better than you? Go to hitesigs.com. Welcome them. Welcome. At least go to the webpage, take a look at what they got to offer. Think about it. I don't give a fuck. Think about your health. Think about how annoying you are. You can't go outside if you live in cold weather. We're looking

at the cold weather. January's coming. You might want to start a resolution. This is the way to do it. Please go to hitesigs.com and take a look at what they got. Put Joey's church in there if you want to order. I think it's 20%. I'll verify it. I think it's 20%. Go to hitesigs.com today. Take a look, read the information. Think about it. I don't give a fuck what you got to do. You'll be there eventually. You don't want to keep buying this. You don't got to plug this in. 1200 hits fucking guaranteed. Go to hitesigs. It says on the website that the 1200 is equivalent to six packs of cigarettes. Six packs of cigarettes. That's 120 fucking cigarettes. You'll be smoking, huffing, and puffing for fucking weeks. Go to hitesigs today. Why stop? Stop fucking around.

Stop killing yourself with this fucking nicotine. All right? You want to get healthy? Start with honnett.com. Go to fucking honnet. I got the shroom tech in the mail the other day and I got to tell you something. My knee's not fucking hurting. And I hate to say this because you ever go on TV and you watch a product like sleep apnea? They have this thing. Do you snore? And you can order this mouthpiece. Let me tell you something. As family, that mouthpiece ain't going to do shit for you from TV. You got to order it and they like Joe Rogan, they did the thing in his mouth and they measured his mouth and his tongue. You're not going to get a piece from TV and it's going to fucking save your life. Okay? I'm telling you that right? Fucking no.

What was he talking about? I'm about honnett. Honnett. All right. Sorry about that. I'm a little fucking stoned. I'm a little tired. You're not going to, this is not going to save your life. So with strong bone, I'm not going to tell you if your knee hurts and you need surgery to fucking order it because it's going to take away the pain. I don't know what it's going to do. I know my swelling went down. I've been on it for fucking four days. My swelling went down. I don't have pain when I fucking walked. I bent over this morning to try my shoelaces. That's when I get that sharp pain. Honnett fucking works. Whether it's the alpha brain, whether it's the hemp force protein shakes, whether it's the fucking ropes or the kettlebells,

go to Honnett today. You're looking to get healthy. Cut the shit. This is optimization. This is human optimization. I'm telling you, I feel better when I do the fucking alpha brain. I feel better when I do the shroom tech and I go down and fucking wrestle with fucking 25 year olds. I'm not telling you, I'm not tapping at it. It makes me pick people up and throw them through walls. I'm telling them I'm more involved. I breathe more and I have more energy. Go to Honnett, press church and get 10% off your first order. They also have a program, stayonnet.com, where the packages get delivered to your house on the first of the month. Go to Honnett today. See what they got. Read it. Tell me what the fuck you think order something. You get 10% off, all right? And they deliver it right

to your house and you stay on the stayonnet program, just like Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club, I fucking love these people. I love these people more and more every day. Their razors are 100% fucking tremendous. Nothing cheap about this shit. You understand me? Why are you going? No fucking bells and whistles, no lights, no sprinkler for your asshole, nothing. Just two sharp razors that protect your face. They shave your closest can be and for the price that you choose, you get a little strip on there with aloe or cocoa butter or whatever the fuck they got. What else do they have, Lee? One Wipe Charlie's. When I was shitting that, a liquid was coming out of my ass. When I went to that doctor yesterday, I was refreshed when they opened up my ass on and put that fucking

camera in there. You know why? Because it smelled like peppermint. You know, you ever open up a chick's ass and it's clean, but you can smell a little shit from maybe the day before or something like that? You eat it. No biggie. They didn't have that problem with me. There was no shit residue. There was nothing. Why? Because I was using the peppermint fucking One Wipe Charlie's. Whether it's One Wipe Charlie's, whether it's the razors. Choose the razor package you want. One dollar, six dollar or nine dollars a month. Two blades with the aloe strip. You get a bunch of options. Do me a favor. Instead of me fucking it up, go to dollarshaveclub.com. See what they got. If it's not up to fucking par, I'm telling you, one dollar, six dollars or nine dollars a month,

get razors sent to your house. You save fucking time every month. What do they got to do? What's the box? They put in church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. You dumb motherfucker. Put it in and get your fucking value today at Dollar Shave Club. One dollar, six dollar, nine dollar. Also, for my favorite fucking people in the world, I don't like fucking this up because they're always changing. They always send me shit. Okay. These are what people I deal with. Hulu plus, you fucking cock suckers. Hulu plus is so much more. They got current season episodes, every fucking episodes. It works on any streaming device. Hulu plus has niche programming, criterion collection, animated kids, originals, and you can watch Hulu plus anywhere, anytime,

and it's only $7.99 a month. What was that Lee? $7.99 a month. And that's a, Joey, I get the same deal from the commercial. Yeah, but you're not getting two weeks for free. That's why I come in cock suckers. Go to huluplus.com, watch original programming, the daily show. What else they got? Uh, since Myer show, the awesome is coming back. The Simpsons is going exclusively to huluplus.com. Stop wasting time. Go to Hulu plus box today and press and Joey, and get two weeks for free, $7.99 a month after that. What do they press? Joey. Two weeks for free, $7.99 a month. Why are you kidding yourself? Stop fucking around and go to Hulu plus. Again, on it, huluplus.com, Dollar Shade Club, and hit E6.com. I love you, motherfuckers. What's

happening, Lee? So I give a shout out to my people, Jay Gomez, you bad motherfucker. Ashley, your boyfriend said to fucking send you something. He's been bothering me for days. Meta's Batman, whatever your fucking name is, get it together. Mike Fitz, you cock sucker, who loves you more than me? Inside Billy's head, you got a ball of shit with people flying. Jason Seegars, Jacob Ryu, and Yabba Daboo. I love you, cock sucker. And I'm going to give a special shout out to my main man, Greg Powers, and his Asian princess up there in fucking Seattle, trying to get me to go up there and turn myself in. This motherfucker offered to pay for me to go up there and turn myself in, so I don't have this problem. This is why I do not

ever want to hear that word fans again. We are a network, bro. We're a fucking network of savages, and we're growing daily every fucking day. The mentality is we don't take shit from nobody, and when we walk in a room, we got the biggest dick in that motherfucking room. There's no reason to feel bad about yourself. If I annoy you, it might talk about the past. Don't listen anymore. I just want to show you that nobody's fucking better than you, dog. These motherfuckers ain't better than you. Every time you see me on a TV show or you see me on a stage, please clap, and please think, because let me tell you something. I used to be a fucking savage, and I made it this far. So when I get on a stage or you see me on a TV show, it's not only me,

it's you. It's fucking you. You could do whatever the fuck you want. You understand me? Stop looking at these people like they're Superman. Fuck them. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like you. It ain't better than you. So when you go to work for them, your boss is saying to you, and you're looking at them, go and look at, fuck him in the fucking ass. He ain't better than you. He just got to the job before you, and he may know a little more, but you'll be there in a couple of years. Don't ever be fucking scared. Don't ever be scared to say something to somebody. When you're right, you're right. You've got to open your mouth. You can't go around bullying people, but you've got to stick up to yourself. Don't ever

be embarrassed about sticking up for yourself, bro. I was one of those people. When I had these problems at the blow, when I promised to get off the blow, it was because I thought in my mind I was becoming a pussy. Anybody who can't say no to somebody is a fucking pussy, and I was in saying no to the blow. So when I got off the blow, the point of my addiction was to get balls back again. And I remember that I booked a commercial for whatever the fuck that was, and they didn't have brakes. They didn't have emergency brakes in the cars, because when they put lights in the car for a commercial, they fucking mixed the wiring up sometimes. So the guy dislocated the emergency brake. I told you this story. So when I got out, I stepped on the brake to get

out of the car, and the car kept rolling. And he goes, who's the fucking idiot that didn't put the brake on? And I said something like, fuck you, motherfucker. Tell you fucking. And everybody stood there in shock. The guy didn't do nothing to me. I didn't get fired. I stuck up for myself. When the guy came up to me later, I go, you call me a fucking idiot. You treat me like a man. I'll treat you like a man. He put his hand out, and I put my hand out, and we shook it. There was no prompt. I saw him a year after that. He was like, man, that was a great night in Long Beach. Yes, it was. We giggled about it. People know when they fuck up. I guess in my head, you always go to the worst possible, like, oh, we're going to get an offensive fight.

And in reality, probably nothing would happen, and they'd probably say sorry. And if they'd gotten an offensive fight, what are they going to do? They're not going to kill you. They're going to bitch slap you. You're going to push them. You're going to fall down, whatever the fuck happens. And you know what? At least they're going to go home and say that dude said something. And that's the most important thing in life. You've got to say something. You don't have to say it negatively. And I'm the number one person who does that. Sometimes I take things wrong, and I go at somebody in the wrong way. And I'm the fucking guy. I'm man enough to admit it that I have that fucking fall, you know, that I have that fucking shortcut. But some people got to say

shit too. Yeah. And whether it's a parking spot, you know, the other day I was in front of my house, and I have a big parking issue in front of my house, and there's a handicap spot, and people tend to park eight feet from it. If everybody parks three feet from each other, I lose two parking spots. And I sat there for 10 minutes, and I said, and I went up to the guy, and I go, excuse me, I live in this neighborhood. I don't give a fuck who parks here. Just park correctly. Can you move this car back? And he goes, I'm sorry, I didn't even know. Yeah. And I hear I was scared to go up to him. And because how I approached them, I said, excuse me, I just got to, if you park this way and eight people park this way, look, we lose two fucking

spots. My wife is pregnant. She's got to oh, my wife has a child, not even a child. She's a fucking human kettlebell. You got to walk in and out of there with this fucking 90 pound child. Please give me a fucking breather. So it's not what you say. It's how you fucking say. And that's it. That's the church rolled up in a fucking barrel. Don't be scared to open your fucking mouth, especially if you're right. And especially if you're a fucking gentleman. And you women, I tell you motherfuckers to do it even double than the men. Because you guys, people talking front of your shit, you don't want to hear somebody says, hey, listen, I don't want to hear that shit. And they'll look you and go, look at this fucking bitch, but they'll respect you.

Eventually, a couple of weeks, they'll respect you because you said something. Honestly, that's why I was thinking about it. Because nothing's happened with Paula. But like, I started thinking like, what if some guy smack Paula's ass? And then I was too scared to do so. Like, that's when I that's I started thinking about it. I was like, fuck, I gotta, I gotta get over this. So in case that happens, because God forbid that that happened, and I had to do something. Listen, man, I don't go to jujitsu to break nobody's arm. I don't have no malice when I go to jujitsu. I really don't. Right. You know, sometimes I grab Rafi, who did the thing real hard, and I apologize. Rafi, I'm so sorry. No, Joey, go. You know, one of my problems in side control. And it's only put

my shoulder in people's faces, even if that's what you need to do. Even if the guy underneath me needs to do really motherfucker, let me do it to you. Let 310 pounds rest on your face. Let me just do the side control that the guy, you know, I don't have that malice in my heart. But I also want to know that if I'm walking my daughter home from school in three years, I'm 54 years old, that if somebody comes up to me, all I want to do is be able to take him down and hold him there. And I put my 300 pounds on him. And if he resists, then I'll break his fucking shoulder. But I don't want it for that. That's not what the martial arts is about. It's to, you know, control yourself. So just do me a favor with now and stick up for yourself.

Oh, well, even if even if it's if I'm talking with you later on, just say, Joey, this is what I thought. You don't have that chance on the street, but just start doing it in every level. And that's what I do at every level. If I don't like something, I don't do it. Right. You know, somebody called me last week to work a Sunday. Remember, I was telling you that working next Sunday, 10 years ago, I would have probably taken it and not and curse myself on the drive down. Now, because I'm off the blow, I have the balls to tell the guy, no, no, I won't do it. And these are the reasons why. Because if I have a bad Sunday, you're going to use it against me and negotiations and he laughed and he said, okay, he's not mad. I'm he put two other people done.

I don't give a fuck. Let them drive down on a Sunday. Yeah. Always got to stick up for yourself, man. All right. I'm definitely going to have to. And I know we did the sponsors, but, uh, token layer just tweeted. I mean, I want to let them know because they're new that he he'd put in Joey's church on hit E six and they gave him a free $20 pen. He doesn't have to pay anything. There you go. Cox suckers. Joey's church. Go to hit E six. Give it a shot. Let me know what you think. I love you. Cox suckers. Stay black. Have a great day and stick up for yourself because nobody else fuck these motherfuckers. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu plus.

Hulu plus let you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu plus. When you go to Hulu plus.com slash Joey or go to joey Diaz.net and click on the Hulu plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joey Diaz.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. The show is also sponsored by on it.com. Go there for new mood, alpha brain, anything like that. Use code word church to get 10% off. And again, welcome to hit each six.com. Go there. Use code word joey's church, J O E Y S

church and get a discount. It looks like it's going to be $20 off of your pen. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my head's on a power when my feet's in the ghetto Stand up, sit down, don't do nothing And I know that when boss man's stopping me down Let's hold the paper, no can do, baby Try what's in his life to be When you're rocking the street

Home, home, street Home Home, home, street Home, home, street Home, home, street Home, home, street Home, home, street Home, home, street

Home, home, street Mama take me around the room I'm on the night's charge I'm just a fucking street I'm on the night's charge I'm just a fucking street I'm on the night's charge I'm on the night's charge

I'm just a fucking street