Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #204 | TARA CANNISTRACI | UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

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Starting point is 00:03:25 Blue Chew with code Joey for your first month. Visit BlueChew.com for more important safety information. Thanks, Blue Chew, for sponsoring the joint. Let's get this party started. My girl Tyra is here today. What are you doing? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the game. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers?

Starting point is 00:04:37 Uncle Joey here on a Thursday morning with my girl Tyra. Looking good. What's happening? Thank you. What's happening? Hey, dog. I know you. What's your last name? How do I say it? Oh, Canada Stracie. We'll just leave it. Tara jokes.

Starting point is 00:04:54 See. What's going on? Nothing. Thank you. Welcome to the joint. Thank you for having me. You have a beautiful home. Thank you. Beautiful wife.

Starting point is 00:05:05 Thank you. He's all right. He's a good looking dude, Mike. I'm happy you made it down here. Thank you. Dino told me you want to come on. I was like, anytime she's family, you know, what's going on in your world?

Starting point is 00:05:18 What's going on? I'm recording an album on Saturday. You excited? I am. I did a compilation one before this. And now I'm doing that. So it was a few other comics. Okay.

Starting point is 00:05:30 And we did one and that one went well. Okay. And I said, I'm time for my hour. How do you feel about your hour? I feel good. I feel like I want to, I want to get it done and put it to bed. And this is audio or audio visual? It's going to be audio and visual.

Starting point is 00:05:43 But I'm, yeah. And you're taping it at Uncle Vinny's. No other, no other place to do it. That's such a fucking great place. And I love Dino to death. Oh my God. It's my Jersey home, you know, but they had some problems this week. Well, not problems.

Starting point is 00:05:57 They just had a situation where some fucking, you know, some white trash dude fucking chuck the beer can chuck the beer can at some people. I mean, I saw your picture and I retweeted yesterday. But the first thing I thought about, I was going to put like bring helmets. Oh yeah. Catches, right? Catch a face mask, but you're trying to do a special, you don't want to,

Starting point is 00:06:21 but it's always something that's been in the back of your mind. Like for 20 years, I always thought about what would stop somebody from throwing something at you, attacking you on stage. And all of a sudden in 2022, it's starting, you know, this is, this is real now. That girl, if she would have hit God hit with that beer can, it would have not been a good fucking night. You heard how hard it was when you hit that wall. And I think he threw it to miss her on purpose.

Starting point is 00:06:48 Purpose maybe. I hope he didn't throw the can. Yeah. No, he was drunk. He was fucking drunk. The dude was, you know, and, you know, there's a couple of ways you can attack this, but there's no other ways. There's no reason why you should be throwing anywhere.

Starting point is 00:07:05 Anything. Anything. Throwing anything anywhere. You know, and I've always said it. I've said that, listen, people have, I did not know this. I did not know that they just implemented a fine on cruise ships. It's a fine on a fine. If you act the wrong way, they helicopter you off and you got to pay all that shit

Starting point is 00:07:26 out of your own fucking pocket. Could you imagine? They helicopter people off all the time. They helicopter comics off and you go on one of those fucking Bahamas. Oh yeah. One of those places and you're not supposed to fucking curse. And you cur, and they tell you, like it's in the country. Oh, if you don't have a clean set.

Starting point is 00:07:45 No. And you go up to like, there's a lot of guys, I like me that would do that. Like you could, you got to work clean. I'll work clean. I don't think anybody thinks you're working clean. No, but back then when you had 30 minutes and you were trying to feature, they'll ask you, you're going to work clean. You're like, yeah, I'll work clean.

Starting point is 00:08:02 You go up there. You fuck around. You say shit. They stopped the show. They go to your room and clean it out for you. You're not even allowed to go back to your room and they helicopter you to fuck out of that. And you can't, you can't, you can't, if you're a comic, you can't sleep at any of the like the cruise guests.

Starting point is 00:08:20 Like you can get kicked off. They have like real strict rules. Real rules. If you're on one of those cruise ships. It's corporate. You're not on vacation. No. You're an employee.

Starting point is 00:08:28 No. No. You drink, but you can't have a certain amount of alcohol in your system. Like I have a dear friend that does cruise ships. There was a fight. He was there. He tried to break them up when the ship police came. They fucking breathalyzed everybody.

Starting point is 00:08:46 They fine. He had nothing to do with the fight. Welcome to corporate comedy in America. That's what you want to do. Sounds a lot nicer when you're like, I'm cruising around telling jokes. Sounds a lot nicer. I've never really considered a cruise ship. Like I've never considered it.

Starting point is 00:09:01 Not because I'm a pompous asshole or anything like that. Because that's not to me. That's not what stand up was intended for. I don't know. And even then, yeah, music on the ship, you know, yeah, when the ship is going down, like remember, they're playing the violin as the ship was going down. Keep playing. Listen, I'm swimming.

Starting point is 00:09:19 I'm not fucking playing. So, and I can't imagine how it feels for a woman. See, that happened to a woman the other day. Oh, the can. And that, that's where my fucking shit stops. Like right there. Like I can see a guy saying something with you, a guy with a girl. You threw a bottle at a non-assuming, light, sweet girl.

Starting point is 00:09:39 She handled it like a boss. No, she for anything. Listen, I heard she drank it. Yeah, I wish I am the Italian paranoid, you know, hyper-contracting me would be scared to touch a germ. But like the way she just took, she said she had like one split second and she was like, you got to drink this. And she did it.

Starting point is 00:09:57 She's going to go on Kimmel now? Yeah, I think so. He retweeted. Good for her. God fucking bless her. What made you as pretty as you are? Get into this fucking, terrible fucking career. You know, did you get into the open up of the doors or did you get into it

Starting point is 00:10:13 because you enjoyed standing? It was stand up for me. And it was stand up for me probably from really early on before I even knew. Like, like if we were talking earlier, you know, in your living room, like I was always drawn to comedy. Like my aunt would say is little like is two years old. I'd be watching Johnny Carson and the honeymooners and the Carol Burnett show and I love Lucy like not stand up necessarily, but comedy.

Starting point is 00:10:38 I was, I always love comedy Saturday Night Live. Like as a kid, that's what I was watching. You know, it wasn't so much cartoons. I was watching these characters on TV and then I always wanted to do it. But you know, you, you think you can't or you rationalize like I can't make a living. I have to do this or I have to pay bills or I have to. So I held off doing it for quite a while. And then the show, The Last Comic Standing came out and I was psyched the first season.

Starting point is 00:11:12 Oh my God, I watched every episode. I loved watching people do their thing. I loved it. Oh my God, I loved it. And then I couldn't wait for the next season. And then by the time that next season came out, I said, I couldn't watch it anymore. It was bothering me. It was like making me upset.

Starting point is 00:11:27 And that's not me. Like I champion everyone. You want to make boxes and sell them on the corner and you want to bedazzle a cane and sell it. My friends want to have babies and get married. I celebrate it. So watch people do their thing and do it. And it bothered me. I knew that it was because I was suppressing doing it.

Starting point is 00:11:45 And I was like, okay, this isn't me. So now what am I going to do? Because now I'm, I'm not even enjoying it. I'm enjoying watching other people do it. So I put my big girl pants on and I went and I started. What was the first place you performed? The Producers Club. I was in like an off, off Broadway sketch comedy play and the producer said,

Starting point is 00:12:08 you want to do it? Go out every night and warm up the crowd. You know, write your five minutes and go warm up. And like the first few nights, they'd be like pushing me on stage. And I'd be like, no, no, no, no, this was a mistake. And then by the end of the run of the show, I was like, is it my time? Am I going up? When are we starting?

Starting point is 00:12:23 I want to, you get that, you know, get those first few laughs and you're like, this is it. Whatever this is, this is it. Like the other day somebody goes, well, what's the end game? I go, the end game is always going to be being on that stage. What you get from it, obviously, you know, it's a platform for other things. But for me, it's, it's always going to be stand up because that's what I really feel like that's what I want. You said something that really opened up something for me.

Starting point is 00:12:49 You know, we were talking about Eleanor Monday, people who were around comedy. I think when you're a kid and you're around it, like I was a fan of Carol Burnett, the Tonight Show. Me too. Fucking He-Haw. I was a big He-Haw guy. That shit made me laugh as a kid. But, you know, I wonder where all this mech, like I loved the fucking English porno guy,

Starting point is 00:13:16 you know, Benny Hill. I love Benny Hill. He always did creepy things. Like I love, you know, but it's so weird. We were, I don't know. You watch all this TV, like I wonder the people who came from the Saturday Night Live. I wonder what comics came out from the Saturday Night Live. You know, and just different things that we watched to build your sense of humor

Starting point is 00:13:40 as you're growing up and you don't even know it. Right. I knew what I liked, what I didn't. I knew what comics. I knew what I was drawn to. Like I don't even do the comedy of Carol Burnett. Her physicality though, all that, those things about her. I was like this.

Starting point is 00:13:54 I didn't know what it was. I was four or five watching, you know. I knew my grandmother was laughing and she never laughed. So I knew something was, I wanted to do whatever they were doing. I just didn't know. You know, one of the biggest surprises I got when I come back to New Jersey two years ago was I came back knowing that the honeymooners were on. As stupid as it is.

Starting point is 00:14:13 My favorite. I kept, I came in thinking that the honeymooners were on at 11 o'clock every night still. Boy was I a surprise. I get signed, fell, bumped them. You know, it's like signed, felled and creepy fucking shows on Channel 11. But then I realized they would come out on midnight. And the first time I watched it with my daughter, I remember we watched it downstairs. I go, let's watch the honeymooners.

Starting point is 00:14:33 It was the one about the mom boat when he learns how to do the mom bow and shit. And I got to tell you guys revealing thing. I've never told nobody. It's not theft. It's not theft because I struggled with this. That episode I was watching. I'm like, I think I stole a lot of Jackie Gleason's body. And Norton too.

Starting point is 00:14:54 Like Norton is a fucking champion comic like champion. The timing they both had, but when I watched that honeymooners and I'm in the, you know, my daughter and I'm crying and I'm laughing at the same. Every time a honeymooners episode comes on, I cry. At some point when I laugh, I cry because I cannot believe that this still makes me laugh. The time I was in the fucking fifth grade, I was 10, now I'm 59. I'm still fucking laughing at the same stupid jokes. And somewhere in that laughter, I cry because last time I used to watch these, my mother was alive.

Starting point is 00:15:27 There were so many things. The nostalgia. But throughout all that, I did see a lot of this shit I did on stage in Jackie Gleason. And I'm not saying I stole it from him. Right. And it wasn't. It wasn't your influence. It's an influence.

Starting point is 00:15:41 Your influence. It's somebody watching somebody over and over. And when you said it, I wondered like if the guy who, you know, when you watch Seinfeld, you watch Kramer, like Art Carney was the first of that come out like he came out of the gate. And you laughed. And you, when you watch the shows, people are laughing before he speaks his first word because he's walking in. He's looking at a wall.

Starting point is 00:16:02 He's doing this. He's turning his physicality. You already know he's funny. He's funny before he says a line. And then the second wave of comedy came in my life. And that was Samford and Son. And she go in the man. And, you know, I was never a big son in that life.

Starting point is 00:16:18 It just did not work for me. I would go home and go, what is all the fucking yelling and screaming? This is not this good to me. You know, I just didn't. So I always went when I watched that and let me know. Maybe I didn't like clean comedy. I like dirty comedy. So I started listening more to prior.

Starting point is 00:16:35 So in my world, it's like prior, leasing, you know, it's a, and you see that years later, not that you, when we start doing comedy, we emulate someone. Oh, a hundred percent. Who did you emulate? Who did you think? I used to go see. I can never say I've emulated him. But I used to study because I took it like I had to learn.

Starting point is 00:16:53 I took it like this is just the, this is the education. I was going to comedy clubs to learn for me. I tracked Colin Quinn. Like, and mind you, I'm never, I mean, I don't do that comedy. I like to think I'm of above average intelligence, but I'm Colin Quinn's on another level of brilliant sites. And, but he was New York, which I can't hide my accent. He's New York and he's smart in his medicine.

Starting point is 00:17:17 He's New York and he's smart in his mannerisms and the way he can. I used to go watch him. You're going to learn even if it's not what you're doing. This is, and I would go wherever he was, you know, to watch him and do things. So that for me, I think was my biggest. And when I first came out, Amy Schumer was first, was when she first hit the mark where you saw a really strong, you know, female New York female presence on the scene. Even if again, that wasn't what I wanted to do or that was my voice.

Starting point is 00:17:46 It was still something to learn. I worked at a comedy club. I worked on a, like a D room. It was called Witson Aurora, Colorado. Before stand up, before you just stand up. Yeah, no, I got the job. I took a stand up course. Three weeks, $33 Jeff Harms, great university Colorado.

Starting point is 00:18:06 In the last class, he pulled me aside and he goes, I think you have. If you want to do this, I could see you doing it. I go, I'm not ready to get on stage. And he goes, all right, he goes, I want you around it. He goes, I want you to call this guy and go down and that's what I did. The next day I went there, applied and two days later they called and fucking. I worked there from January of 91 till I got the balls to get on stage in July of 91. So six months, six months.

Starting point is 00:18:36 And I got promoted like three times in those six months. By the time I got on stage, I was already a bar back. I was the sound guy and I was the door guy. I was security fucking craziness. I had to do all those jobs. But when I was barbaping, I would watch the comics. That's it. Just watch, watch.

Starting point is 00:18:54 I think one of the best jobs in America today, if you really want to do stand up, it's just move to a land, go to the comic store and tell them you want to be a doorman, whether you're a white, black, green, a woman, whatever the fuck you are. You're famous for having stuff. Like the door people would get spots. Like that's there. They're known for that. But it's not the spot.

Starting point is 00:19:18 It's to being around it. You're at a university of comedy. You're at fucking Princeton University to learn comedy. It's always great when people get there and they complain. I never complain. I said one thing one time when I got there, I said I wish my spots were a little earlier. I keep getting these one o'clock spots and some kids said if you don't want it, put the sign up on the wall that you don't want your one o'clock spot.

Starting point is 00:19:40 See how many people take it. And that made a lot of sense to me. I never complained. I never complained about people bumping me. I never just shit did shit. It was a university and I knew that. I knew I was here for four years. Shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 00:19:53 I didn't think I would last for four years. I figured I'd get into a fist fight or something before that and I'd get thrown out. No. You wanted something more than that. Yeah. And it's so crazy. I actually went in there. I was long.

Starting point is 00:20:07 Listen, I worked the door at the store. A lot of people, towards the end, towards in the middle. I remember going to her and going, dog, I can't live on the $25 hosting job. And she goes, well, why don't you work the door? That's another $25. I'm like, wow. Double my income. Okay.

Starting point is 00:20:23 I'll double my. 50% raise. So I would work the door until I hosted. She gave me a special spot. She goes, I won't tell nobody. You don't tell nobody. I would host. Then I would go back to working the door.

Starting point is 00:20:33 But by that point, I get somebody go, hey, come here. What are you doing right now? Nothing. You want to host the rest of the show? Yeah. You're the host and get security. So I would bring up Andrew, Paul Mooney, and somebody else and myself, and I'd go home. And she paid me.

Starting point is 00:20:49 She never fucking said nothing to me, but I paid my dues. I was there every fucking week, you know, like. And that's the grind. And that's what people have to realize, especially new comics. There is a grind to this. There is a pay in my dues. You're not entitled to anything. Even now, like, I don't, maybe I'll never go to a comedy show.

Starting point is 00:21:06 But when I get to work with really big names or I'm sitting my ass in the seat if I've opened for them and watching, because that's going to be part. Yeah, that's part of the education. You're a lifelong learner in this. I don't think, you know, I'm never ahead of where I'm supposed to be. So if I'm going to be opening for Joey or opening for a rich force or a Bobby Kelly, I'm watching the show after that. Bobby's new special.

Starting point is 00:21:29 I just saw bits of it. I was fucking dying of laughter. Yeah. That's a 30 year seasoned fucking comic. Oh, he's, yeah. People don't mention Bobby Kelly, how dangerous that motherfucker is. I saw a special that was like half-wit recorded on a phone from Comedy Central. Oh, he's.

Starting point is 00:21:45 And they did it at the, at the Comedy Cellar. Like five, four years ago, I'm in the hotel room one night, like two in the morning and a special coming up. He was a lot bigger than that. And he was goofing on fat people and shit. I was fucking rolling. Yeah. He's one of those guys that should be a lot bigger.

Starting point is 00:22:00 Yeah. Than what he is. I'm happy to mention this. Not physically. Just. No. He looked fucking great. He just talked about it.

Starting point is 00:22:08 Yeah. I just saw him yelling. There's a. Yeah. He's one of those guys that's been around. He'll fucking murder you. I get excited. Like I get excited.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Not even for me. I get excited to see what the crowd is going to get. Like cause we, him and I do a show called Smokes and Jokes. He's a big cigar smoker. So we've been doing cigar night comedy shows together. And I get so excited. It's once I'm off. Cause I, I think he's going to do 20 minutes of not material.

Starting point is 00:22:30 He's going to talk about the ceiling, the lamp, make fun of the person in the audience. And it's just, it's so like off the cuff. And I get excited to watch the audience and organic. I'm excited. And I'm like, I'm learning. Oh, look at all the observations he just made that I maybe didn't or. It's always great to go see a big time comedy. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:22:53 I'll tell you who my favorite, one of my favorite guys to watch. And you guys are going to fucking laugh at me. I hate corny shit, but he was so corny. He killed me. The guy with the puppets. That motherfucker. Oh, I, Jose, Jose. That guy.

Starting point is 00:23:07 No, the guy with the specials. The white dude. Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham is a dangerous motherfucker on stage. And I don't know how many times, you know, I never had a beef with him. When I'd see him, he'd give me a hug no matter what. He'd always fucking, you know, that was great. And he, I think he would look at me and go, I don't believe you.

Starting point is 00:23:27 You like my puppet act. And I'm like, well, it's fucking great. I mean, there's some people, you know, the dude from New York, rest his soul. That was a puppet act. Whatever the guy's name was that was crazy. He used to live down here before he passed away. God rest his soul.

Starting point is 00:23:42 The guy that used to take booking calls on a phone booth. The ventriloquist had a big cock. The dummy had a big cock. The dummy had a big cock. The dummy had a cock and he shaved the piece off. So you could put lines of coke in it. And it's not a line off. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:23:59 How do I not know? Come on, man. This is, can we, yeah. We need somebody on the community. Come on guy. You don't remember this fucking thing? Otto and George. Oh, oh, let's go on it again.

Starting point is 00:24:09 Otto and fucking George. When I first got into comedy, like, no, no. When I first started rockin' and rollin', like maybe 2000, rockin' and rollin', you know, when you're like a good feature act. Right, right. When I was a feature act, like in 2007, I saw him for the first time. Maybe even before that. I saw him and it was real.

Starting point is 00:24:28 He was intense. And he's up there cursing, eatin' pussy, talkin' about snortin' cars. I mean, this guy was nuts. You know, word on the street was that he didn't even have a phone. When you had to book him, he gave you a pay phone. And you had to call that pay phone on the Tuesday behind this house. That's amazing. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:24:49 Otto and George was the real fuckin' deal. But anyway, not like Jeff Dunham. Because there was a lot of times I would do the late show behind Jeff. Jeff doesn't do two shows. So I'd go to Irvine or Brea and it would be Jeff. And the only thing I ever heard negative about Jeff was, I would get there and the manager would go, listen, you know, Jeff loves you.

Starting point is 00:25:09 But he made us cut your video. Because the video that you're comin' because it was always dirty in front of his audience. So he would make them cut that video. You know, like when you go to a comedy show, they tell you who's comin' up. They always have like a little sketch, like 30 minutes of video. Like, I don't have this in the movie, Dita. Now I need to see it.

Starting point is 00:25:27 Shhh, popcorn is tasty, all that dumb shit. But, uh, no, I liked him a lot. And I learned from him. Even from a pup of that. I fuckin' would sit there and look at their timing. Timing. His timing, the pup is timing. And you're like, fuck.

Starting point is 00:25:42 And there's gotta be writing behind it, right? Yeah. No, he's the real. That motherfucker was makin' millions. Duncan was okay with, no, he only brought the little hobo out at the end. And it was the creepiest fuckin' thing in the world, that little guy. I couldn't sleep at the hotel knowing that he was next door to me with that fuckin' thing. With the puppet?

Starting point is 00:26:04 With the puppet. The scariest goddamn thing in the world. But it's so weird how you have, like, I can't watch specials. Well... I can't watch specials. Because of the time? How long they are these? Well, the time, but it was so surreal for me going down to the Veniz one night.

Starting point is 00:26:24 And it was the week that Natalie Cuomo was there with somebody's daughter. I can't remember. Sheba. Okay. Sheba. Sheba has a room in mid... Okay. In the city.

Starting point is 00:26:38 Now, they're not Amy Schumer. They're not Whitney Cummings. But they're getting that. They'll be there someday. Them too were the first time I go, fuck, I forgot how much I enjoyed watching live comedy. I forgot how much I enjoyed watching live comedy. Because I had a whole system that was tremendous. Listen, I would get stoned as fuck.

Starting point is 00:27:04 Put a hooded sweatshirt on. With sunglasses. You ever see me with sunglasses on? Never. You never. I'd put sunglasses on and I'd walk in the back of the comedy store. And I'd just sit there and watch the whole rotation from nine o'clock up. If a comic got boring, I'd walk out, but I'd make sure I was there for the next one.

Starting point is 00:27:25 Or I'd stay there and watch how he'd get out of the hole. Because watching people get out of a hole... It's always an education. But I would sit there. I would do that maybe Tuesday nights, Wednesday night. Not now. When I first got there until I left in 2007. I would sit there once a week high.

Starting point is 00:27:46 And I'd get pissed when people come and bother me. Joey, do you know why I could get some weed? Get the fuck away from me. Because you just broke everything. You just broke that. Like I would put myself in that corner chair for a fucking reason. I don't want you to say anything to me. And nobody used to bother you then for pictures or nothing.

Starting point is 00:28:05 It was just sitting there and watching 10 comics in a row. To see how they would rotate. Because they were only, you know, 20, 15 minutes sets. So I'd watch four or five of them. And go for a walk and come back. And then go for a walk and then come back. I loved it. I really enjoyed it.

Starting point is 00:28:22 When I'm home, I don't get that. When I put a special on, I don't give you Jesus with the tribe. I'm not going to get it as much as I did when I went to see that. And I always knew that. This is all the shit that's coming back to me. Because during the pandemic, we forgot a lot about this shit. But I've always enjoyed just watching straight up fucking comedy. I don't want to be in a nice place.

Starting point is 00:28:44 It could be bricks. Like give me the dirtiest clubs in New York. Those are the ones I'll probably end up going to. I love Danger Fields. I loved it back in the day. And eight people every night. Yeah, 12. If you had a good night.

Starting point is 00:28:58 I packed it out with that. I tweeted that. 21. And they were like, Joey, what did you do? We got 21 people. I'm like, fuck yeah. Yeah, I love Danger Fields. I love Danger Fields.

Starting point is 00:29:08 I did my first show with Chad's at Danger Fields. When we did this comedy event. When we did a charity event there. It had the old school mafia restaurant from the 50s feel still. The lamps were still. Those little lamps were still at the table. Everything was red and God knows they never put the lights on because you don't want to know what it looked like.

Starting point is 00:29:28 But it had that real like. You thought Rodney was there? Yeah. When you watch the specials that the shot from there and you walk in there, you get it. You go, wow, I could smell the history in this place. I know. When I sat at the bar, it was the first club that it was an honor

Starting point is 00:29:45 for me beside the store to sit at that thing at that bar. I did it when I was shooting the many saints. I had never done it before. And when I came back to shoot the many saints, I got a bunch of options where I could go do spots. And none of them signed as enticing as Danger Fields. And I would take an Uber up there. Two, three, I would call Linda Rowe.

Starting point is 00:30:06 She'd get me a fucking showcase. I would go up there. I would do 20 minutes, 15 minutes, eight people. But a fucking blast. And that's what I would like to go back to. I love those kind of rooms where they don't, they don't have enough people for the chairs. Like there's 30 chairs in the room and there's 18 people.

Starting point is 00:30:29 News can't announce you going. No, no, you just have to, you have to go in there. But boy, that's the best workout you'll ever have because that really gets you talking and gets you thinking quickly. Like this shit I have at home. I could write three jokes, but you know that one joke to seal them all together, I can't do that at home. I have to do that joke on stage.

Starting point is 00:30:52 That's when that joke comes completely. That last joke to add the compliment. Because it's a compliment. I cannot have to do it on stage while I work. I just, I don't know. Those small rooms, you have to talk to people. Like they always say that, you know, you get good in comedy when you just sound like you're having a conversation.

Starting point is 00:31:09 But when you write the jokes, you're performing an act. When you have just eight people there, you're not theatrical. You're talking to eight people. You got to learn how to talk to the people. Like that's where you learn your voice and your conversation and your ad-libbing. And you know, and you obviously record every set. It's like nails on a chalkboard to listen to yourself.

Starting point is 00:31:30 But that's where you learn. I hate it. I take my last set in New York City. And there was, I got some good jokes out of it, but I didn't like the whole set from Saturday night. I like some jokes when I tried. I really enjoyed them. Yeah, I really enjoyed that stuff.

Starting point is 00:31:48 You played back the whole thing? I played back the parts I wanted to hear the material I'd done. I can't listen to the whole thing. I know. Can't listen to the whole thing. It's painful, but I know I still have to do it. It doesn't make a difference when you get to a certain point. Sometimes I'm like, just watch it.

Starting point is 00:32:04 I've been doing a podcast. I don't know how long now. I don't know how many podcasts we've done. And if I've watched five of them. Obviously this one. 200 episodes of this. You know, I don't know how many of the church. 100 with Felicia.

Starting point is 00:32:22 I never really watched the whole one. Not because the podcast wasn't good, because I couldn't stand listening to myself. Like it's okay when she's talking, but when it goes back to me, that's not what I want to see. I want to see her talking. So after a while, I'm like, I'm good.

Starting point is 00:32:37 But isn't that crazy? Because you're what everybody wants to see in here. You're, you're the draw. You're the draw. But yet you yourself. That's, it's something. There's something to that. When you think about it.

Starting point is 00:32:51 I always thought I was retarded. I thought there was a, I thought there was a problem. I really thought there was a problem. I could tell you guys things I did that I'm not proud of, that I went to a, a premiere. I would say hello and then leave. And then try to come back because I didn't want to watch me. Taxi. I left.

Starting point is 00:33:11 I just went to that premiere to see Brady's wife. The important things at a premiere. You know, I went to see Tom Brady's wife. The Brazilian girl. She's single now. She's single. Mackenzie Durham is single. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Mackenzie Durham took all the pictures of a boyfriend off the fucking.

Starting point is 00:33:30 It's just, it's Instagram. People like Doug Mackenzie Durham is single. How do we know this Intel? No, there was somebody sent me a message. They go, Joey, this is your chance. Mackenzie is scrapping all her daddy baby pictures off her Instagram. And I'm like, she's single. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:33:47 I'm fucking in. Oh man. What do I got to offer? But I thought there was something wrong with me. I never repeated it because I've heard of people. We have a mutual friend. Not a friend. I heard this motherfucker went to a Super Bowl.

Starting point is 00:34:02 I know for a fact he went to a Super Bowl one day. There were 50 people at the fucking thing. And during the Super Bowl halftime, he goes, enough with this. Let's put a tape up in my stand up. Can you imagine me going to your fucking house with your parents and everybody? And this was, the guy wasn't even famous. Not, he's never been famous, but guy was never, nobody knew who he was. He went to a party for the Super Bowl.

Starting point is 00:34:31 The year I got to California. Somebody told me like two weeks later, let's stay away from this retard. People were in the room. The guy who invited him was real. He went over there. I know who he's saying. And he popped that fucking tape and during the fucking Super Bowl, and somebody yelled, take it off.

Starting point is 00:34:50 I mean, it's not good. Oh no, I don't even, I don't know the story specifically. Once we're off camera, I'm going to, I'm going to prize. If I guess it right. When I had that story, that story, you can see how that story stayed with me. Because I always thought about what would possess a comic to go to a Super Bowl party and throw his VHS tape in at halftime and force people to watch it. If I had the best set of my life, I still couldn't take that tape

Starting point is 00:35:20 and make you put it on at the Super Bowl. You wouldn't have put it on YouTube. No, no, I wouldn't put it anywhere. But that's a, that's a character trait. And we see them in this industry, right? That, that's, that's not just that. That's somebody that openly asks for things that they're not entitled to. That's like, there's a whole element here.

Starting point is 00:35:42 Like even me wanting to do this podcast, I didn't ask directly. You know, maybe somebody said something to Joey or I have always, I wouldn't have the balls. Like I couldn't do that. I don't know if it's like the way we are. Like that New York, I think he's an Italian, but he's not that New York, New Jersey Italian. Like, no, you don't, you do, you do, you do hard work. You, you know, you do good and then things come to you.

Starting point is 00:36:06 Like that's a different level of ego. That's entitlements. That's, and that we see it. We see it with comics or people who want to be comics or, but like there's a, I've had never, I've asked one person for help the whole time. Like, and it was like pandemic and I just was in like a rut and it was rich for us. He's the only person I ever reached out to and said, and I, I worded it in a way that was like, almost like I wasn't worthy of the, and he's like, what are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:36:38 Of course you're going to deliver. I'm going to recommend you somewhere and they're going to do, you're going to do good. You're going to do great. And then, but I was like, I've never asked before. And so when I hear these things or, or these people asking for these opportunities, you go, I'm never going to make it in this industry because I'm never, I'm never going to have that. I'm going to take the longest road possible to get there because I'm never going to come from that.

Starting point is 00:37:02 You don't come from that. No, but there's two sides to that. And I got to be honest with you. Number one, something they told you in the Italian house and a Cuban house and they told you in church on every Sunday when you went with your family is if you ask, you will receive. Yes. So let's, let's, let's, I understand where you're coming from. Cause I got the same problem.

Starting point is 00:37:23 I can never just ask somebody. I feel a lot better if they contact me and then those, you know, a conversation will come up. Like somebody asked me if I ever did two years ago, if I did that thing that they were doing that summer. And I go, no, I never did it. I wanted to, and somebody called and asked, but we never really put it together. You know, listen, I had a problem my first 10 years of comedy, maybe 15 years of comedy. Nobody knew I did comedy because it was introduced to me.

Starting point is 00:37:56 Like when I started going on the road, I swear to God, I remember going on the road as a MC and the club owner going Saturday and Friday, you have to go to the mall and give away tickets. And I, like I quit. I'm not going. Like guys, you know, I'm outspoken. You know, I like having a good time. You know, I could go up to a woman and go, listen, I got an eight ball of coke.

Starting point is 00:38:18 Why don't we go back to your house and suck your pussy? Like I'm one of those creepy motherfuckers. But not do you want to come to a comedy show? I know. I couldn't bark either. I go, hi. Hi. What are you ladies doing tonight?

Starting point is 00:38:29 Yeah. Why don't you want to come to a badass comedy show? And they're like, I don't know. That's that. I can't. I know. I know. So because of that, I suffered.

Starting point is 00:38:39 My career, your career suffers if you're not that type of person. But then something came that took the place of me, my boss, social media. Right. So now those are my balls. Now those are where I got my balls from, you know, it's weird that, and I'm on a shame to say this, you know, I didn't want to quit cocaine because I thought it would take away from my comedy. That's such a common problem.

Starting point is 00:39:01 It's like people say, I didn't want to lose weight because then I wouldn't get hired for roles. This is all a stupid thing that you have in your mind. When I got off cocaine, my sex life went down to two and more ways than one because that was my courage, even with my wife. That was my courage. That's how I went out at night. I'll ask that chick if she wants to suck dick.

Starting point is 00:39:25 You know what I'm saying? Or whatever. I can ask anybody anything when I had a couple lines in me or cocktail, you know, what are you going to put me on that stage soon? I remember saying that to Danny Merwin at the Tempe Improv. We had just done a line of coke. I had snored a coke and Danny walked in the room. I didn't snore a coke with him.

Starting point is 00:39:44 And I remember we were talking. I go, what do I have to do to go in your room? I'm the funniest feature up here. And he's like, I'll contact you. Obviously, I still remember that story because it irked me for the rest of my life because that's the shit I could do when I was coked up. But I couldn't do it when I was sober. But then I realized when social media came that you have to let people know.

Starting point is 00:40:05 So I did it through social media. I was never going to go out and hang out and fly. No, I know. I can't pass out of fly and come to the show. I'm not going to pass flies out in the cars. I'm not going to do those things. You retweet my things. Passing out flyers.

Starting point is 00:40:23 So that helped me. I didn't even look at it. I didn't even make that comparison as to what that is. It's boss. But, and to your point, and not against what I said, but our mutual friend Kathy, when I was telling her, when I was in a rut and she's like, we'll ask them. I'll ask this person if you're like, no, no, no, don't ask anybody anything. And she's like, she goes, I don't want to, she's very blunt.

Starting point is 00:40:45 She's like, I don't want to say this to insult you, but you're having a very ignorant neighborhood mentality right now. And I was like, what do you mean? And she was like, get out of that. In this industry, people ask for things like you got to ask, speak up, you know, you know, the same with you. Like you got to get fed, right? And I'm like, when she said it, I was like, you know, because I think I'm not that, right?

Starting point is 00:41:09 I'm not this ignorant neighborhood girl. But that was the mentality that she was kind of saying that I had. You have to promote yourself. And some people it comes to very easily. You know, Dane Cook was very good at it on Facebook, on Myspace. He was very good at it. But all those things I can never do. So I can never put a tape and a fucking Super Bowl.

Starting point is 00:41:32 But I thought I was in bad shape. And then one night I got home early from the store and Johnny Depp was on Letterman. This has to be maybe 2010, maybe 2009 around there because I felt better after. And they were talking about the Pirates of the Caribbean. And he goes, so when you did the Pirates, how the dailies looking? And he goes, I don't know. And he goes, what do you mean? You're the star of the show and you don't know what the dailies look like.

Starting point is 00:42:02 And Johnny Depp goes, I don't look at those. I don't like looking at myself on video. And he goes, you're the one of the most handsome men in the world. Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp went into the same spiel that I tell people. I mean, he just went into it. I do not watch myself. I can't listen to myself.

Starting point is 00:42:19 If I'm walking in a room and I hear my voice, I fucking cringe. He was just telling my story. And I'm like, oh my God. Okay. I'm not retarded. I'm not. There's not something, you know, mentally off of me. This is Johnny Depp.

Starting point is 00:42:32 He looks like that. He looks like that. Okay. I look like this, but he looks like that. And he don't want to be seen or he don't want to see himself. So it all came full circle. I understood it. So you have to work with it.

Starting point is 00:42:45 I knew it was, it just wasn't me. You know what I mean? I get the longest yard, the crew screening. I stayed at the premiere. I did not stay at when I went to grudge match with my buddies. I got up and left. I got up and went outside. They stayed and watched grudge match.

Starting point is 00:43:04 I'll do it a couple of minutes, but once I start popping up in the screen, I got to get out of there. That's uncomfortable for a guy like me. It makes me feel like a fake. Yes. It makes me feel. I don't want to be that guy. I'm up next.

Starting point is 00:43:21 You want me to tell you what it feels like? It feels like they made a movie and put my fucking image in that. Cause I'm looking at a goal. What am I doing in that fucking movie? That's like imposter syndrome. What am I doing in that fucking thing? I'm a fucking felon. I grew up in Jersey.

Starting point is 00:43:35 We don't make movies. You do, but you do. I do. But in my mind, it will not let me stand upsets. Come on. Come on. It's hard because the only way to really learn what you're doing is to listen and to watch.

Starting point is 00:43:52 But in the same part, I'm like, I don't want to see, cause I don't want to overthink it the next time I get on stage, not to do this or not to do that. It's like. I will tell you what I will do. I will tell you what I will do. I will take a short set of mind, like a YouTube set of mind and watch it and keep it very low.

Starting point is 00:44:11 And I know what I'm saying, but I want to watch my body movements because I know if I had a body movement to this joke, they'll push the joke through. That I'll do. But again, did you hear what I said? Short set, six, seven minutes, 10 minutes. I could tolerate that. If one of my girls come downstairs,

Starting point is 00:44:34 that thing gets taken off the computer faster than anything. The only thing I will watch to learn from, because I think it's the only really spectacular job I've ever done, is Ari Shafia's story teller show. This is the hyacinth. I really liked that one. That was something that I sat there with a pen from the end to the beginning and worked on very hard.

Starting point is 00:44:57 And that's why it came out that good. I never worked on it on my stand up, but I enjoyed the story concept of doing it because I just like it. But that's the only time I can watch myself. That shit is shooting the special and coming home every night and listening to your sets from the flappers and ha ha. That shit almost killed me. So by the time I got to the special,

Starting point is 00:45:22 I was so beat up from the shitty material, I didn't know where I was coming from. That's why I'm not a special comic. I don't like shooting specials. It doesn't where everybody has a different knock. My knock is I don't do a good special and I know it going in. I don't ever want to do it again. I like going up there and just killing with no.

Starting point is 00:45:39 And I won't mention them, but there are comics I love that I think are great that I watched the special. I'm like, oh, people should just see them live. That's why I want to record him, but he's not aware of it. That's a great idea. I mean, obviously, just for him. No, I know. Because that's the other thing.

Starting point is 00:45:58 I know there's going to be a camera on me Saturday, but... You've got to pretend it wasn't that. Right. But it's, it's a different, it's a different level. How long have you been doing comedy for now? Full time, like 10 years. And then before that, I don't count those three of, you know, those three or four years of getting up and working right in my first few bits.

Starting point is 00:46:18 So you count them from the time you got a dollar. Okay. That seems fair. So you're ready. 10 years, you're a veteran. You know, 10 years of comedy, you already know what's going on. You know, you really know what's going on. I feel like I'm fine.

Starting point is 00:46:32 I really found my voice. You know what's going on? You get yourself out of this situation. It's just finding more material. And now you're on the upswing of building a following momentum, getting a movie or a TV show to compliment the credits. It's such a fucking... And again, even like young comics, I couldn't wait to get a credit.

Starting point is 00:46:52 When you bring me up, when people bring me up and they come to me and they go, what do you want me to say? I go, nothing. You worked so hard for those credits. For that credit. For anybody who knows, you can't wait to have a credit. I can't wait. I got to use this as a credit.

Starting point is 00:47:06 Yeah. Oh shit. Oh shit. And then you have like three of them and you're like, oh shit. Oh shit. And then one day you're like, don't say nothing. I just want to... I'm using Uncle...

Starting point is 00:47:18 I was just appeared on Uncle Joey's joint for like the next year. No. No, no, no. You're right. It is you. There's so many... Comedy is such a great journey for people. And the journey starts...

Starting point is 00:47:32 It really starts at the 10-year mark. But guess what? It gets better at the 20-year mark. And people see that. And it's like, you telling me if I join the army, I have to stay for 20 years. When you're 18, that seems like a fucking eternity. But it's really not, guys. If you're at home right now listening to this, it's not.

Starting point is 00:47:53 We look at time like... I still remember... I almost blew my life because I would... My friends could get me union jobs. Whether it was long shaman jobs, brick mason's job. But when they tell me it was a four-year apprenticeship, I'm like... I'm not doing that. I'll do a four-week apprenticeship when I want to get paid.

Starting point is 00:48:12 Like, well, these motherfuckers aren't here. Because you don't see that kind of time in your life. But once you're there and you're like, I've been doing this shit for 10 years. 10 years is the sweet spot in comedy. And that's like when I was watching the show and I was getting up and sat watching the last comic standing. I go, well, I should have started. I started the I should have done it then and I should have done it now. And then I'm like, you know what, Sarah?

Starting point is 00:48:35 10 years from now, you're going to say, I wish I started then. And I'm going to go, oh my god. You know, I said, so just start. You just have to start. It sounds so cliche and corny, but it's like you just have to start. Well, that's why people come to me and they go, hey, man, I'm just listening. There's two things everybody hates to hear. Are you going to join Jiu Jitsu?

Starting point is 00:48:54 No, I'm going to let me get in shape to come in there. You're never going to get in shape. You know, it's like people. It's like people trying to tell me I'm not going to join the gym until I get in shape. You know, and would stand up when people come. If you paid me 500 hours and said, Joe, I want you to give me an hour tutoring. I go, how about I give you 475 back and give me. I'll take 25 hours for the best advice.

Starting point is 00:49:16 I can give you. Don't even worry about your material. The first two or three times on stage. Don't even worry about go up and tell me story by your cat. I'd rather you do that thing be up there clunky. I just want you to get over the mechanics of it. I focused a lot on my words and it almost cost me my career because I kept saying, I'm not going to go off until I write.

Starting point is 00:49:36 Well, you're not going to fucking write. You've never written before. What makes you think you're going to become fucking Lenny Bruce now? Get up there. I tell people, just get just go up there. You're going to 80% chances are you're going to bomb and it's not going to really matter. Nobody's ever going to remember it. I don't care if you go up in an open mic at a bar, whatever's easy for you, karaoke, they all count.

Starting point is 00:50:01 Get up there. The only way to get good is to be bad. Yeah. I learned if I had a great night and killed, I learned more from a night when I did it. I never say I killed. So let me, at 10 years, I still don't say I ever killed. But if I had a great night, if I had a bad night, you know, of course the next morning, I'm like, I'm quitting.

Starting point is 00:50:18 I'm quitting. This isn't for me. You never, you know, you don't quit. But I learned so much more from those nights. I would never quit. I would just tell myself that I was a piece of shit. That what made me think I could ever do this. And then you go, okay, I'll give this another month.

Starting point is 00:50:36 And if you don't fucking make it work, I'm done with you comedy. And then something good happens. That's what happened. I would get into a place where I'd be like, how am I doing this with my life? I'm giving everything up for this to pursue the stream. And then you have a bad night. You'd be like, this is, I'm not a comic. This isn't for me.

Starting point is 00:50:53 And then boom, you get something or you get it. And you're like, it's like it takes one good night to erase 30 bed. And then you're right back. You're right back into the like, oh, I can do this. Now think about it. People are at home right now watching this. That conversation you just said, you think you're crazy. If you said that to me 30 years ago, I'm like, you're fucking crazy.

Starting point is 00:51:15 I got to have 30 bad nights to have one good night. You're fucking crazy. But explain to them how good that night is. That one good one night. It's like, I'm, I found who I am. Like I'm, I know what I'm meant to do. And it's like an actualization. Like it's, you can't really explain it.

Starting point is 00:51:35 It's just like, this is who I am. Like, and you find yourself in that night. And you go, this is it. I'm going to do whatever I got to do to feel this again. And then of course it's a different level of chase when you get to a certain level. You know, when you, you know, one great night, great, but I should have been, you know, I should have, you start going, oh, where you want to be? Like where I wanted to be 10 years ago.

Starting point is 00:51:55 Now I'm not as grateful as maybe I should be, right? Because now I'm looking at the next 10 years. So you kind of really humble yourself. And these times and I got to say, this is where I wanted to be. This is exactly what I wanted to do. Be happy with where you are now, but it's hard when you get into this. But that one, those good nights, man, it's the best feeling in the world. That's why it's, that's why I'm here.

Starting point is 00:52:18 You know, I want to write another book about like that experience. Like I didn't really dive into it in my book like that experience from 1991 to 2000. If I look at my life, those were the best nine years of my life when I slept in cars. I had to borrow money to do showcases. The club gave me six weeks of work. And then a month later they shut all the clubs down after I drove 14 hours each way. You know, you don't want to tell this to people because, but it's all part of this fucking thing. That's so close to your heart when you really, really look at it.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Like, you know, traveling the States and meeting different people, like being stuck in a town and somebody helps you. And you're like, the world is a fucking vampire. You know what I'm saying? Like the world is a great place that people will come to your help. Even when, and look, nobody knew who I was when I was getting $50 on the triple runs a show. You know, nobody even acknowledges you. Okay. You're the guy under that line. And I still wouldn't trade in for anything else.

Starting point is 00:53:27 I still remember sleeping in hotels when it was owned by Hindu people and you could smell the curry coming into the vents all night and shit like that. And the whole hotel smell, you know, I can't, but it's all part of the fucking experience. Like when you look at getting to Rock Springs, Wyoming and the hotel saying we only got one room. You got to spend the night with the headliner in the same room and he's snoring and he hates LA. You know, he's one of those fucking negative headliners. These are all educated. That's all part of who you are. Like this is what's on my sleeve now.

Starting point is 00:54:00 And you need that thick skin in this industry and that makes you stronger. That makes you tougher like you. Listen, that thick skin is going to go with you forever. You need to rip your scab off your soul and build it back because it's going to come in handy in 15 years. It's going to come in handy in 20 years. And that's a lot of people. Everybody's in such a rush. They miss those early steps and then you're going to have to go back.

Starting point is 00:54:29 So do them now. That's why my motto has always been you could pay me now or you could pay me later. I didn't invent it. Penzole did in the fucking 80s. If you don't change your role in your car. And this is a word from our sponsor. And this is a word from our sponsor. Penzole.

Starting point is 00:54:45 But it's the truth. And I know for a fact it goes with comedy because let me tell you what's happening with comedy today. That's fucking. And you know this what's happening with comedy today and I have nothing against these people is that a guy makes a video on YouTube. Social media. Then he makes another video on YouTube. Then he makes another video on YouTube. He gets like 10 million downloads.

Starting point is 00:55:07 Now somebody just says to me, you should just do stand up. Well, I don't know how it happens. You know, it could happen that way or they are doing stand up online, cracking little jokes. And then they start going into clubs and they go into clubs with a following. Which I didn't have a following. I'll never forget David Tell came up to me in Miami one night. He goes, dog, I like what you're doing as a feature actor because you are building a following. Because when you do hit later on, these people going to feel responsible.

Starting point is 00:55:37 They saw you and they're going to come out and see you even more. And it's the truth. Whenever I go to Miami or those places, Houston, people come up to me and go, I remember seeing you open for Rogan in 98 when you took your dick out and you chased a fucking penguin across the, you know. How could they forget? How could they forget? No, but it's true. All that builds and people don't know that. So this YouTube sensation that you got, he's got 30 million.

Starting point is 00:56:00 He sells out the improv. And this is all great. But he's performing in front of his crowd. He's performing in front of his own people. He never won one over. This is what's happened with YouTube. You never want a crowd over. They come in to see you and you attack.

Starting point is 00:56:16 Now one day Bob Kelly's going to come up to you and go, Hey, why don't we go do a set at Gotham? Why don't we go do a set at the comedy cellar and you're going to go up in front of the audience that isn't you. And it's going to shock you to know fucking it. You could not say it. You could have not made a better comparison to what that is. I know. It's not good. I see it now when like, you know, let's not be a feature act.

Starting point is 00:56:41 If it's a big enough name or somebody selling out, you know, say, Oh, this, this, this, you know, this kid sold out, you know, the club or whatever. And I had to do 35 or 40 minutes as an opener. You don't got an act. You just filled seats and it's crazy when you see that. And then they go, Oh, you know, you were great. I couldn't follow her. Yeah. Well, you have to do, you know, before you put your name because you want people to come back to see you.

Starting point is 00:57:04 And it's an easy mistake. Listen, you get popularity like that. You think like anything else. Oh, I can do it. We have to be respected in it either. No, you're not going to get respected because you deserve no respect. But then you go up in front of your audience, these audiences and they're blowing smoke up your ass. And that's not, that's not healthy.

Starting point is 00:57:22 I know. It's not healthy. Not to mention you over skipped the MC, the process of the MC and you over skip the process. You grow the most. Yeah. They're there for a reason. Those two positions are there for a reason. You have to go through the ranks for a reason.

Starting point is 00:57:39 Okay. You went to the army. You went to college. You got your office. Now you're coming as an officer. That means you're coming as a fucking MC. That's what that means. You don't come in as a fucking, you know, somebody else.

Starting point is 00:57:49 You're coming as a, watch this and listen with fucking a guy who like I took a comedy class. It was a three week class and what didn't really cover. He told me to get Judy Carter's book and then Judy Carter took it from there. Yeah. It's whatever. So, but I did those ranks. I bombed. I still remember going to a room that started at 11 and the guy coming up to me or 15 minutes,

Starting point is 00:58:18 going 15 more minutes, 15 more minutes and it's 115 and there's eight people left. And you invited six of your friends to come see you and they drove you and they took you and you know, these, these things, you know, I'll never forget doing the Latin comedy festival for the Toyota comedy festival, the Latin thing at Caroline's and that comic threw me through the wolves. He fucking made me follow a salsa band because he didn't like me at the end. He put the salsa band up. Right.

Starting point is 00:58:48 Now everybody's dancing. They're moving. Do you fucking believe that? I had to follow a fucking salsa band and that stays with you for a long time. How could I, like when I got off the stage that night, how could I have handled that better? And I went home and took my notebook in the middle of what I go, no, you can't handle that.

Starting point is 00:59:06 That's, that's not what should have happened. You go up before the fucking band. They did like three songs at Caroline's. And the guy kept saying to me, but you're really, you're really strong. Go up after them. And I'm like, I'm not fucking strong. What the fuck are you talking about? It doesn't make a difference how strong you are.

Starting point is 00:59:21 You've just changed the whole vibe of the room, the whole energy. Are you excited for Saturday? I am excited for Saturday. I am. How long have you been working this material for? I put some new stuff in there, which almost you would never do, but if I don't like it, I can take it out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:38 So it's some of my, I even took some of my first jokes that I don't even do anymore because I want to have everything out there and then see what is, I really want, like what I want on this album because this is my first real intro. And then you do know that your life is going to be hell next Monday. Once you're out of material. Oh, I know. Oh, it's, it's like a double-edged word. Like, oh, part of me is like, oh my God, that's it now.

Starting point is 01:00:02 Like now you have to start back to the drawing board. But there's also part of me that's like, I don't want to do those jokes anymore. So it's like, it's, I, you know, I feel it like. I'm really proud of you that you're doing this. And it's so crazy to say that. To say that. Again, another thing that's crazy. You can't wait to put together your jokes and you can't wait to go tell them.

Starting point is 01:00:26 And what a great feeling it is to fucking write a new act and you're enjoying it and jokes are flying out of you. But then all of a sudden you shoot this fucking special and now you're out of jokes. What's that going to be like? Tell me. Okay. So now you're going to, what we discussed, you're going to have your leftover jokes that you didn't, that they didn't take in the special and you have that left over.

Starting point is 01:00:48 So you could take what you have and take that material from a different direction. I would just start from scratch and it's brutal. It's brutal. It's what I went going through the last six months here. Trying to do material and, you know, not a, not being able to grow with it, you know, like the last six months, I've had a hard time fucking writing it. So now I'm okay. I wrote some great stuff for this week.

Starting point is 01:01:19 But when you shoot a special, you have to go up there for like two weeks and find the hook. Then once you find the hook, you're like, thank God, I got three minutes. Then you have seven minutes. And then you go, oh shit, I wrote a joke close to this a year ago. Let me go back in that notebook and get that joke out that I couldn't fix it with anything else. And that's how you start putting things together.

Starting point is 01:01:38 And then you're up to 20 minutes and you're fine because now at least you can do sets. Right. You got 20 minutes. Right. It's when you don't have any material. I know. And you got to go up there and start from scratch. And that's, that's what, in fact, I'm telling you, that's what I had to do.

Starting point is 01:01:52 And since I was out of the comedy, listen, when you do comedy every night, 10 years, 15 years, and I've sat on here before you become, your mind is sharp. Like if you see something, you process it right away, it's very funny. The pandemic and what I was going through took me away from that state of mind. We weren't really seeing it. Right. Which the state of mind is, which when we're driving and I can just come up with a joke when I see somebody, I, now I'm starting to get it back.

Starting point is 01:02:23 I still have the ability. I have, after last week's show, I could tell the joke writing is starting to come back. It's taken a lot longer than I wanted it to. But we weren't living during the pandemic. I feel like in order, and I, I, I realize this now when I don't want to take a break, I feel like I got to get up every night. I'm like, I got to live life in order to joke about it. And I feel like we're kind of getting back to our groove.

Starting point is 01:02:49 And that's why it's coming back now. And that's why. Yeah. But there were some people who want right back on the horse. Like I thought comedy clubs are going to be packed. All these comics are going to go back and do the regime, go back to a club, start from scratch, material and get to theaters and stuff. No, it was a week later and most comics went right back to where they were, right back to a theater.

Starting point is 01:03:10 You know, for me, I, I, I, but I look at things a lot differently. I don't like going up there just to crack jokes. I want them to get something. I want them to get an hour from me. And that's not always possible. You know, I'm not going to have that ability at all times because like even now I feel like I'm doing okay, but I'm not, I'm not Joey Deere. I just saw you and you, I just saw you perform.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Well, but Uncle Vinny's two weeks ago, I feel comfortable now, but I'm not where I was before the pandemic. It's taken a long time and correct. I haven't been working out like I would in LA. Like I knew different rooms. Everything was a lot closer to me, but I'm, I'm feeling it again. And it's been fucking fun. It's good to hear you say that. No, you scared some people when you were like, yeah, I'm not going to do it anymore.

Starting point is 01:03:59 And I was like, I don't, I don't want to do it to the extent I was doing it. But I don't want to do like somebody offered me a tour next year. And I thought about it. I didn't say no yet. I haven't said anything. I just was like, I don't know. Because, because why though? Because it's taxing when you think about it.

Starting point is 01:04:21 Like, or because it, you're at a point now where you can allow balance in your life. Like I feel like when you first start, there's no balance. There's no balance. There's no balance. There's no such thing as balance when you first start. There was no balance at all. Nothing.

Starting point is 01:04:34 But now you've got a beautiful home. You're giving your daughter a completely different childhood than she would have had back in LA. You have different friends. There are different things you're interested in. You're going out to dinner tonight with friends instead of going to a club. Do you think that's why? Because you're trying to find that happy medium?

Starting point is 01:04:51 Like why would you say no to a tour? Not that you have said no yet. It's my fucking weekends, man. It's my fucking weekends. I've given up my weekends for 30 years. 30 years, yeah. Okay? So now I have something to do on the weekends.

Starting point is 01:05:06 But you don't even have to perform on a weekend. No, no, no. I could still perform on Tuesdays and Wednesdays or Thursdays. But the whole thing seems taxing to me. I'm at a point right now in my life where I want to be home a little more. The world's not the fucking great place right now. I enjoy doing my shows in the city. When I go to the city with you, that's a good time.

Starting point is 01:05:30 And that's where I can handle right now. What's going to happen next July, next August? I don't know. But for right now, I'm just getting my bearings back. I didn't want to get into this from day one. I didn't want to go nowhere I was before with the podcast or with the stand-up career. I wanted to cut it down a little bit. I didn't want it to be 20 hours a day.

Starting point is 01:05:53 This was 20 hours a day in my life for the last 30 fucking years. For the last 12 years, it's been 20 hours a fucking day. And it's not performing or doing things. It's the mental. It's the thinking and the jokes. You're not a feature anymore. People are actually paying $40 to come see you, a babysitter, a dinner. You can't go up there like just treat them like that.

Starting point is 01:06:20 And that's why you're so good because you're not thinking of you when you're on that stage. No. The best comics are thinking about the audience. I'm thinking about the audience, man. I don't like what's going on today. I don't like that audiences are paying $2 to see a comic or $2.99. That's absurd. These comics can make a living on $30 tickets just like I fucking did for years.

Starting point is 01:06:45 So I always think about the audience. I want them, Jesus Christ, when the comic tells me that I haven't written a joke in a year, I'm done with you. I'm done with you. I'm done with you. I told my wife, how can nothing happen in a year? Nothing. Nothing. That's what you're telling me, that nothing happened in your life in a fucking year.

Starting point is 01:07:05 Tell me about the car that's spent by your house and almost hit your fucking kid. Tell me something. Something has had to happen. So when you think like that, you always got to be on top of it. When you're writing and stuff, I don't have that no more. I have a child now. I have a wife now. I could be writing and my child would come up to me and go, Dad, do you want to go play basketball?

Starting point is 01:07:26 I can't just go, no, no, no. I'm writing a joke. I can't do that no more. I can't do that no more. So like I said, I'm doing the best and the most that I can do right now. And that's it. And that's it. What do I think about getting on a plane on a Friday night on a Thursday and doing that

Starting point is 01:07:45 second show? No. That ship sailed. No. I consider even doing a Friday night tour, a Saturday night tour, like just Saturday nights. But what I want, how I want to do it is not how most people want to do it. It would cost a lot more because I'm not doing fucking commercial flights anymore. I'm not doing them for a tour.

Starting point is 01:08:08 I'm not doing them. If somebody wants to do a tour, I'll even take less money and figure out a way just to fucking get out of there after my show. Get off stage at 11, you're on a plane at fucking 11, 15, like Rogan did Atlantic City, what Segura does every night, they get out of that town. They get to the next town the next day. That's what I would like to do. But first of all, I never liked doing Tuesday through Saturday.

Starting point is 01:08:34 This whole last run I did was never. It was always Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's it. No Sundays. Wednesday, I don't have time for you. I don't mind doing the city on a Wednesday. I go to the stand tonight with you. Danger feels, but that's where I am right now.

Starting point is 01:08:50 That's where I am. I still love comedy like I did when I first got on that stage. I still love it. It's just I had to love it in a different way now. I have more people to love. And I knew this in LA. I don't know how many nights I would be at dinner and she just said prayers. And I got to get dressed, go to the store and talk about eating ass and shooting somebody.

Starting point is 01:09:10 And you know, it's like, and then you start thinking about the mafia. How you joined the mafia when you're 18 or 23 or 24 because you're shooting people. You don't give a fuck about shooting people. But then you bump into a beautiful girl in the deli and you have beautiful children with her. And now I got to go shoot somebody and go take my daughter to church tomorrow. Take her to the daddy daughter dance. It was surreal to me. That's what I would feel like.

Starting point is 01:09:34 I'd be there watching the same prayers. And with the same in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm going to go down to the comedy store. I'm going to smoke some dope. I'm like, I can't do this no more. It just wasn't working. So I have a lot more people that need my attention now. I'm not the, you know, guys, comedy is never growing up. Stand up gives you the permission to never grow up.

Starting point is 01:09:58 And I love that a lot of stand up because I never wanted to grow up. If you become a comedian, it's because you don't want to grow up. I became a comedian because I liked it. Like you like watching it. But when I read Lenny Bruce's book, I liked the fact that when I read that book, I was lost. I was a criminal. I was a drug addict. He hung out of the strip club and he went to the Chelsea Hotel and he went to sleep.

Starting point is 01:10:21 And he shot heroin with jazz musicians. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to shoot heroin, but I wanted to do a coke and drink all night. Especially in New York. What a dream. It would be to leave your house. Like if I was a comic that slept all day, oh, get up at seven, eat some Chinese food, smoke some pot, make some calls and then leave at 10 o'clock at night and just attack New York.

Starting point is 01:10:46 Come on, that's a dream come true. Stop at two, go get a slice of pizza, go with tarragon, a late steak somewhere in the village. And then you go home at five in the morning and there's another party going on at the Chelsea Hotel. Coke, bitches, strippers, who would dream of that? That's a fucking paradise. That's why I got into comedy because it gave me permission. To be yourself. Not to grow up.

Starting point is 01:11:08 When you get into comedy, how many bills you got? Yeah, I know. Like I told Lisa, you ever see somebody come up on an open mic with Lamborghini? Nobody ever pulls up with a Lamborghini on an open mic, right? Everywhere else. You could be in a coffee shop, beep, beep. Nobody ever pulls up with a Lamborghini. So I didn't have anything when I got into comedy.

Starting point is 01:11:27 And now I have people. Like I never thought, I always thought I was going to die like Charles Bronson. Like alone in my house, you know, in a basement apartment with a cat drinking from a bowl, like in hard times. There's a cat, but that's it. That's the only. But then all these things came that take your time, your health. You know, when you're a comic, you don't really think about health. That's why I met Joe Rogan.

Starting point is 01:11:48 You're on the road. I remember the first time Rogan goes, you want to work out? I'm on the road, bitch. What workout? Your body, your health, all these things come in. And that's the God's truth. I don't want to go out like Bob Saget. No.

Starting point is 01:12:03 I don't want to die in a whole-time room, guys. No. Not now. 20 years ago, I wanted to die in a whole-time room with a naked woman sitting on my face, but now I want to die right here. And you found your balance. And this is the gift. And I still love stand-up.

Starting point is 01:12:19 After 30 years, right? Yeah, I still love stand-up. I have to find a different way to do it. And if it means going Uncle Vinny's on Thursdays for a year and doing the New York, the Sony Theater, Sony Hall once a month, so be it. Once I get more room. Listen, Chappelle took off eight years. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:39 And he waited to his kids. In two years, my daughter's not going to want to do nothing with me. Already, I told her, I'm going to have to go to Cincinnati for this movie. And she's like, that's okay, Dad. I'll just come and visit you. That was not her stance. That was not the response you wanted either. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:55 That was not her stance two months ago. Right. So I know in two years, she's going to go, Dad, you can do whatever you want. No. And I'll take more advantage of that. You know, who knows what the future brings. But today is the best I could do. Because you found how to be in the present.

Starting point is 01:13:09 And that's not, that's something we do. As a new comic, you're never going to get that. No. And as a 30-year-old loser, I was never going to get that. As a 44-year-old loser, I was going to get that. I needed somebody, something to happen to make me overhaul everything. And it was that little girl. I mean, I love being here.

Starting point is 01:13:28 I love the softball game. Last night, I was the only dad at softball practice. I sat by myself. The moms were yacking. You know, that's what moms do. I sat by myself. I love all this. Is that a beautiful place to be when you can become like that?

Starting point is 01:13:40 And did you ever think years ago you could just be sitting at a softball? Like, even now, I drive by one. My husband would be like, you're ready for that? You want kids? You're ready? Because I ain't doing that. I'm going to be in comedy clubs every night. I'm not doing that.

Starting point is 01:13:54 So I'm not ready for that at my age. For what you're saying, believe it or not, I long for that level. Even if it's not with a kid, with a level of peace that I don't think I have yet because I'm still climbing and I'm still digging and finding myself. You don't want peace. You think I was looking for peace when I was 45? But there is a part of me that's like, I'm listening to you say that. I'm like, that's got to be so peaceful.

Starting point is 01:14:20 I don't have that level of peace. I have to take things to have that level of peace. Listen, man, I had to. But I also had to make sacrifices. Like, it was very rough to lose the comedy salary. It was very rough. But I looked at my wife and I go, we'll make it work. I'll put more albums on the serious.

Starting point is 01:14:40 There's always shit you could do. But you have to close one door before another one opens. And people don't understand that when they like, they want their life to change. Your life's not going to change no matter how much you want it. You have to make sacrifices and then life will make sacrifice. The universe will make sacrifices and you'll meet in the middle. For me to attain this peace and to be able to go to sleep at 11 again. I look at my whoop watch and I sleep till fucking eight and I'm getting REM sleep again.

Starting point is 01:15:10 For me to attain that, I couldn't attain it by going on the road every night. So I had to give something up. And I gave up the thing that most people can't give up is money. I stepped away from the money. If the money's in the universe, it'll come to you. Whether you do this, I might hit the lot tomorrow. You don't know, I might hit 60 million. I told you, I had money coming to me.

Starting point is 01:15:33 So we always have money coming to us when you're a good person and you do good things, the universal smile down on you. But I had to cut away a lot of stuff that made me joy. I narrowed down my stand up to what was going on. Let's be honest, since we're being honest today. And I want you young comics to learn something. I wasn't addicted to comedy anymore. There was nothing about comedy I liked.

Starting point is 01:15:59 Towards the end, there was nothing about comedy that made me want, I didn't want to go, oh, I can't wait to try that new joke in front of the tower. She's going to love it. Can't wait to try that new joke in front of Mike. I would get on a plane with the sole exception. I can't wait for Saturday night until I put that check in my hand for the theaters. I got addicted to the check. And I became a different person when the check was put in my hand.

Starting point is 01:16:23 Once the check was put in my hand, the weekend ended. I don't want to take no more pictures. I don't want to talk about comedy no more. I was dead serious about it. People never understood that. Because that's not who I, it just wasn't working. I was doing everything off that check. The only thing I did that was pure was go do my $15 set at the comedy store.

Starting point is 01:16:46 That's what kept me pure. But everything else was too out there for me. I wanted to get that love back. And until I get that desire back, like I told you that at 7 o'clock I'm telling my wife, the fuck is dinner? I got to get the fuck out of here to go to the stress factory, the Dino's or the Gotham. When that happens, I'll pour you and let you know. But that's not what the case has been.

Starting point is 01:17:08 I miss doing comedy. I miss it. I miss the comedy store. I miss the comedy store. But I have to just see where I'm at and I'll come back to it. Or you move from here. I really proved my point. I proved my point.

Starting point is 01:17:25 To me, I couldn't keep going back on the road. I was starting to see that already with my friends. I learned that from Ralphie. How many times are you going to go to Columbus, Ohio? How many times are you going to go to Houston, Texas? And we try to hide it with different venues. All this long time we'll do the improv. And it'll be different.

Starting point is 01:17:44 Yeah, different experience. And then they get you another theater. Then they get you a bigger, bigger theater. Then they get you a bigger, bigger theater. Now you're in a fucking arena, which is not good. I don't want to do comedy in a fucking arena. It's more personalized for me. So I didn't want to even to get that way.

Starting point is 01:17:58 When I was seeing these guys going into a arena, I go, that would be nice. That's a paid day. But at the same time, you sacrifice. You sacrifice the real art of comedy. People are watching you on a fucking screen. And you're missing so much. And you're missing so much.

Starting point is 01:18:11 So I don't want people to miss that. The same way I enjoy life, the live experience, I want to give people that live experience. It's intimate, yeah. The intimate, you know, 500 seats. I could probably put it, anybody knows, I could probably sell another 1,000 tickets every night. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:27 I don't want to do that. In fact, I wish Sony Hall was 350. I wish it was 250 sometimes. Because I would have more control. I could start them there again. I don't want to go up in front of a 2,000 seat arena. I don't know. I started at Uncle Dino's for a reason, Uncle Vinny's.

Starting point is 01:18:44 I'm dealing with 140 people. And if it's a bad night, we'll have 80. We never had a bad night. So we can work with that. So that's where I'm at. And listen. That's where I'm at. You have to make sacrifices.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Your life is not going to change. You have to make the initial things. And yet after I said no, I ate dick for three or four months. You know, like money wasn't coming in. But at the same time, then movies started coming in. And other things started coming in. Why? Because you got to close one door before another one opens.

Starting point is 01:19:21 And now when I'm ready, I'll go back to stand up when I'm ready to go. And I could be the most effective thing in the world. But right now I can't. I don't have it. But you have it to do other things. The rewards are endless in other ways. Whether it's the softball game for you or doing an audition or getting a new part. There's other, you know, it's from one thing came another.

Starting point is 01:19:43 Let me tell you something. I had more auditions in the last six weeks than I've had the last 10 years for years. Do you see what I'm saying? So in the years, like when I was in LA, I would get three or four auditions in a year. Or somebody would make an offer. Here at least I'm getting set. Like in the last six, six weeks, I've probably gotten seven auditions. Because the agency realized they're not going to get blood out of a turnip.

Starting point is 01:20:07 See, there's a value on my head. They got to get that value from me. I'm down with the road. That's why else I did this to pick their fucking up. I'm not going on your road. So you can take that week and shut up your ass. Get me some auditions. And that's what they did.

Starting point is 01:20:22 I forced their hand. So there's always a method to demand this. It's like the great Nietzsche said it. Didn't Nietzsche say this? A man without a plan is not a man. I like it. I'm really proud of you for what you're doing. Thank you, Joey, for having me.

Starting point is 01:20:38 I love you. Thank you. The both shows started at 9 30. What? Friday is nine and Saturday is nine. Both of them are nine. Okay. So Uncle Vinny's fucking Friday and Saturday.

Starting point is 01:20:50 I wish you all luck in the world. You're fucking the sweet lady. Thank you. You're funny as fuck. Thank you. I can see you taking over this motherfucker. Fucking do it. Five or six years.

Starting point is 01:21:00 Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. I love you, motherfuckers. Don't forget Tara. Where can they find you? Tara jokes everywhere because nobody can say my last name. So Tara jokes. My is my website.

Starting point is 01:21:11 Tara jokes. Instagram. TikTok. Twitter. I love you, motherfuckers. Stay black. Have a great week and we'll see you next Monday. Tip top.

Starting point is 01:21:20 Magoo. All right. You bad motherfuckers. I want to thank you guys for listening to the show today. I want to apologize for coming up this Thursday. I had a fucking podcast on Tuesday audition on Tuesday. I didn't even tell you about today. We'll talk about that next week.

Starting point is 01:21:37 And that's it. The joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Tonight is a great game. Chicago, Washington. DraftKings is going to be there. The official sports betting part of the NFL. Tonight you put $5 on the NFL team to win. And if it comes in, you get 200 free bets and you build up your bank row.

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Starting point is 01:22:26 That's code Joey, only at DraftKings Sportsbook. The official sports betting part of the NFL. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Now go win some money. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app or the fantasy app and go knock them out of the park. The joint is also brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, one of the scariest things for a young man is not being able to perform.

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Starting point is 01:24:11 I want to thank Tara, Mike, and the rest of the fucking crew. Stay black. Have a great weekend, and we'll be back Monday morning. Tip top, motherfucking Magoo. I love you. Thank you.

Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #204 | TARA CANNISTRACI | UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

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