Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #208 - Joey Diaz, Vicky Pezza and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian and Podcaster Vicky Pezza live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey before September 1 for 20% off. Recorded live on 08/27/2014. Music: Tupac - Gangster Party Motley Crue - Looks that Kill

This show is sponsored by Nature Box where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey that's naturebox.com promo code joey. This show is also sponsored by onnet.com. Go there for alpha brain, new mood, shroom tech, immune, shroom tech sport, anything like that and use code word church to get 10% off of your order. For all the oil and wax smokers out there, go to naileditlife.com for the premier vapor pound on the market. Mention joey Diaz and get 20% off of your order and the show is also sponsored by hit esigs.com.

Hit esigs.com. The proof is in the esig. Use code word joey's church, joey's church and get 20% off of your order. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Monday night, the church, Wednesday night, the church of what's happening now. These fucking narcos are working. Oh shit. Lisa, you bad motherfucker. Losing 40 pounds on the treadmill, working it, slurking it, Subway is the way to go. Vicky Pez in the house. Wednesday night, the day the devil was fucked in the ass, kicked in the fucking pussy. Dance homely. Let's do that wiggle, baby. Everybody here ain't brownies, talent, those Tom Segura killers. So we're back. What's up, baby? Nothing. I almost had a panic attack today because I had to go get a fitting for a wedding and in the place where I

went and it's right in Burbank, the place has a Krispy Kreme store, a Panda Express, a Wendy's, and an old homestack buffet thing. They're all the way out there by the Cuban place. Yeah. And they got everything. Warm Krispy Kremes. If the light had been on, I might have missed it. You wouldn't crack. But one donut, it's 60 points. It's 60, it's six points. That has to be like 400 calories. No, it's like 300 calories. You burn that in 25 minutes. That's what we're just talking about. When you were juicing, you were getting away with Merle. Like I said, if you could swallow a black cum, you could juice. You know what I'm saying? You could just put up with a bad taste and then it realizes after six weeks, it's a bad taste. It's not that bad. No, I know. That's

why you're still fucking doing it. No, no, no, no, nothing. Not the juicing. Not the juicing. What? It says that a Krispy Kreme is like 200. Yeah, for one, like a normal human being. You could eat one fucking donut. No, a normal human being eats like the entire box and then goes back for a second box. Because those things like melting your mouth. It's disgusting. You eat one fucking donut, you drink some water, and you get one donut. Well, even if you eat two, that's 400. How many fucking donuts can you eat? I could eat it. I could eat a box. You could eat a box? No. Yes, you could. No, I can't. Yeah, a little high, you couldn't eat it. No, I go to whatever. I control myself. Two fucking donuts. I had to play. Look, my chocolate coconut ones. That's my favorite

fucking shit of all time, chocolate coconut. It used to be apple and spice from Dunkin' Donuts in the old days. Oh, yeah. The apple and spice ones, the apple and spice, those didn't even make them no more, those fucking terrorists. Dunkin' Donuts suck. It's coming out here in Santa Monica. They suck now. The coffee's still fucking boiling, huh? But listen, most of these people to them, it's an investment. They don't even know what Dunkin' Donuts was 20 fucking years ago. Yeah. So they don't know. It's like the Dairy Queen in North Glen. Go up there. It's run by some fucking foreigners. They don't know what fucking Dairy Queen is. They looked at the investment chart and they sold them a fucking

Dairy Queen. They don't know what it tasted like. They don't know you put the loop in the fucking top. They focus on food now in Dairy Queen. And I was growing up in the fucking ice cream. So it was Dunkin' Donuts now. Yeah, it was all braziers. They don't focus on the fucking good stuff. So fuck that. I got no time for that shit. Piggy Pezza, what's Greg or lacking? No, nothing. Good to have you here tonight. Thank you. I love girls on here on Wednesday. And I had something about women on Wednesdays. We fucked it up in this motherfucker. Remember Dennis the Menace was the mascot for Dairy Queen? Dairy Queen. That's what I'm thinking of right now. That's right. No, I'm vicking the fucking so kind Eddable. Oh yeah. I had a whole

one. My man Lisa, I had a half of one. A little bit over. Yeah, give me my credit words. They was fucking Norcos. They don't not work. And the Eddables I'm eating are stronger than the fucking pills they got from the farms. Really? Yeah, serious business. Serious business. Well, you called me this morning and I actually missed the call because I woke up for a second at 7 a.m. But I went to bed at like one and I slept basically until 10 a.m. just off of a little corner of a of a gummy. That thing going. Yeah. I said I smoked pot when I first started smoking pot, I wasn't smoking pot to be cool with smoking pot because I realized it killed my insomnia as a young man. Right. And then I knew that for years. It killed my insomnia after I got locked up.

And I did what I realized how much I needed like how much but then I got used to it over the years. But until I get really fucking stoned, I can't fall asleep. Then the Eddable came in and that's a sleeping pill without the after effect in the morning. Yeah, right. Yeah, I can't deal with the after effect from a sleeping pill or a Valium. Even though my wife has one and a half at the house. Perfect. Those little Valium, those darts of pans, one and a half, whatever the fuck they are, 1.5. You pop one of those, you fall asleep and you stay asleep. Like I popped one last night. I popped four of those Norcos and one of those fucking Valium and two of those Eddables. I was gone. Nike. Is that the easiest fucking surgery? Well, yeah. So how beautiful was the

building? See the sign. They built a whole new Jewish center. They don't fuck around. Those Jews don't fuck around and see the sign. That's why I love them. That's my favorite hospital. When in there, checked in, I was then we dropped me off at 515 exactly. I went up, they said, sign your name. They said, come on in, do the paper. I gave them 250. They said, go back out there. Somebody would come get you in 10 minutes with an eight minutes. Some fucking Chinese guy came, what's up? Came Lou, whatever his name from William. We walked to the back. He told me, do this, get on the scale. A chick came in, gave me pajamas. Some guy came in, popped an intravenous IV in my arm. I fucking thought I was gonna faint for

like a second. I didn't even feel it after that. After that, the doctor came in and he goes, it was 10 to 70. He goes, I'll be pulling you back then, 10, 20, not even 15 minutes. They came at like seven o'clock, put me back there. They put me on the table. I could see already that they were shooting something into the bag that was making me a little high. Okay. And I was talking to the guy about a movie. We started talking about being there with Peter Sellers. Oh my God. You ever see that? I never seen anything like that in the last 15 years. It just blew me and the guys started talking about it. The next thing I was getting hit in the leg, Dr. Nicola was waking me up going, yo, you're done. I went in there. I put the

meniscus together. I shaved arthritis. You had a tendon that was loose and I put your blood back in there for it to heal faster. I'll see you in my office on Thursday. I went to recovery, no Filipinos, only one Filipino in recovery, which usually you go to recovery room in America. It's like freaking Chinatown down there. They got goats running around. It's fucking amazing. And then they gave me a turkey sandwich with apple juice. Terry walked there. Did they make it the way you like it? A little salt, a little pepper, mayonnaise? They asked me what you want. I said mayonnaise and salt and pepper. They opened a little Filipino dude, John. In fact, they called for they to ask me how I was. Oh, it was tremendous. I was home by 1030 in the morning,

orthoscopic surgery, knee surgery. That's crazy. And do you know what it was like like 10 years ago? Like how did they tell you like 10 years ago? I don't think you have this. I think 10 years ago, they had to open you up and go in there and look and then find it and surge it and then it would be like an hour or two. This is with a light or something. I'm not sure. Oh, is it like the little holes that they do like the fact? I only got surgery holes. Yeah, I got two holes on my knee. That's it. I got a hole on one thing. You can still see the magic marker where he, don't worry, I washed my pussy. I just had to put a baggie around. You can still see the income on my leg from where he put the fucking thing or where the drill. And are you in pain or what do you, what is it?

No, I'm a little, I knew I can't walk. Like I got up this morning and I was a little gung ho. Like, oh, it doesn't feel too bad. Cause usually the next day it's like, if I cut you today, you're not going to, tomorrow I'm one and you're going to feel that cut. It tightens up and it gets a little sore. Cause last time you had this, like you, you had your foot up for like weeks. I remember you have a nice pack on your knee and just, were you, were you around then? Yeah. Yeah. And you're right. Like right knee, right? Left knee. Left knee? Okay. No, I heard it. I heard it that April. I jumped into it too quick. This is, this is what I was getting to. This is a very deceiving injury because this morning I got up, my wife came and she goes, there's no parking spot. I go,

I'll take the car for 10 minutes by the time you're finished. I'll give you the car. I walked down the stairs. I went to the wheat store. I parked right in the front of the wheat store. I mean, there was nothing right in front. It was 10 o'clock. I walked in and I got what I had to on the walk out. I stepped wrong and I realized this is it. This is how you hurt yourself. When you think you can do something and you really can. Yeah. Yeah. I turned the car around and went home and I didn't leave the rest of the day. I went on my balcony. I put ice on it every other hour, every hour. I bent it and I laid down. I took a nap. That's actually crazy that you said that cause like some, like you, like sometimes you'll say stuff and then I'll just see it happen later.

Like when I started working out, you said, don't run cause your knees can't handle it. And I said, I went to the gym yesterday and this guy was big. He wasn't huge, but he was big. And he had this look on his face. Like he was just like in horrible pain and he was like trying to run on the treadmill, but he just couldn't. And I wanted to say like, listen, just do this. But like, I didn't feel like it was my place. But like, like, I guess when you don't know what you're doing, he just looked like he was in horrible pain because $40 to find out what the fuck to do or to go online. Kettlebells. You cannot walk into a park by a 35 pound kettlebells and do swings. You're going to hurt yourself. YouTube has adequate information, but not the

little details that'll make a difference how you have to kick your hips. They don't tell you that and whatever. They just show you some guy going like this, having a good fucking time until you pop your knee or your Achilles tendon or whatever, fuck your back and you're not having a good time. Anytime I'm going to do something, it costs you $20 to get the right instruction, whether it's a bench press, whether it's whatever, people will go out of their way. You go to a YMCA, it costs you $40 to get a personal trainer. $40. That means you don't go out drinking one fucking night and you want to do it right, the correct way. Then you read up and then you experiment on your own, but at least you have the proper technique.

And you'll see what works for you and what doesn't work for you unless you try it. You don't know how you respond to that particular thing. You might be losing two pounds a week on the treadmill, but you might lose four on the swim and only have to swim four times a week. You don't know until you jump in a pool. That's another year from now for you to jump in a pool. This is all little fucking steps here with Lee. He's been going on the treadmill doing the same thing for eight fucking weeks. Your head's going to blow up pretty soon. That's why I joined that kettlebell. Now you've got to go there. You've got to go over there. You've got to go over there and say hello. What good is joining? I joined an art school in Michigan. I haven't gone on the fucking

weeks. Oh my gosh. So now you have to, you know, what's up with you, Vicky Pez? Do you work out? You sexy thing? I don't work out. Like you guys are talking about this app that counts calories. And I'm like, oh yeah, I guess I should like pay attention to that. So you're just one of the lucky people that just is automatically fined? I guess because I eat a lot of junk, but like I'm thinking like today, I'm like, I don't even think I ate anything today. Oh, that never happened to me. But on the way home, I'll probably get fast food. And then at some point I'll go to 7-11 and get a cinnamon bun ice cream. So it's like I like I just eat a bunch of crap, but like I'll also go hours without. And you know how you're saying like when you don't smoke pot like you can't

sleep? I've like stopped smoking pot for like a week. And I I don't want to eat. I have no appetite. I have no appetite and I can't sleep. Like I need I need this. Sometimes when I don't smoke, I don't. When I don't eat edibles, I can tell what edibles do to you. Edibles make you hungry late night. Yeah. Yeah. It kills me when I fucking late night. And then you try. You're like, you know what? I'll eat four apples. And then after the four apples, you're like, fuck it. If I have four apples and I'm still hungry, then I go for it. Right. And so be it. Fuck it. Four apples. I ate three apples last. I love that. Jesus. But so do I. But three of them. It's better than fucking eat. If you're still hungry after two apples, then I gotta give it to you. Apples expand in your stomach.

Oh, I know. I know. It's just like I I would never like if I was if I was going to die, how many fucking apples have you eaten? A few? No, I have. I have. I have. I have every time I go to the grocery store, I get a bag of apples and the thing of bananas. I'll have it in the morning because I'm not a huge breakfast person. But it's just it starts your metabolism. If I know, no, but if I was, when I have the munchies, like, like, Vicki, when you go home tonight, if I was going to stop at a drive-thru, I would get like three bags if I had the munchies. I would have got tell them what you got. Were you on the munchies? It was amazing. We go to McDonald's after this. Okay. Well, this isn't a normal order. So he used to give me at six in the morning, one of these edibles. So I

would go home and I would I'd go to Jack in the Box because it opened 24 hours. I get like the double cheeseburger and like two orders of tacos and something else. And it's just and it's it's was terrible, but it's just went on the on the freaking munchies. It's they'd all taste amazing and it's like a never ending pit. I don't know. I don't know how you eat apples on it. I eat apples. Ever since I left Jersey, my big thing in 83 was from the time you start going out like when I was a kid, it was Nick's pizza. You always went to Nick's pizza on the way home. You started at Nick's on the way home. You got two slices in there and maybe a meatball sub. You split a meatball sub for two bucks. Oh my god. When you're high, all right. And then as you get older, you have your

choice in Jersey. Right. And I never the crew I ran with did not ever think like we had a Wendy's down the corner. A friend, a girl that we hung out with in high school, used to work at Burger King and on Saddleys. That was the thing. If you went to see it, she'd give you a tray upon trays of those chicken sandwiches. And that was the only real experience I ever had with fast food. But then we started drinking and we went to in Jersey, you have what are called diners. And they're open 24 hours and they're run by Greek people. Okay. Jews don't do that. Greeks are the only ones to have the balls and the resiliency and they have the pride to make you this food that is fucking sensational. Amazing. And keep the prices cheap. Did they always

give you something free to this Greek guy on the Sudbury pizza place? Every time you went in, there was a bag of chips. It was baklava. I'd rather move it and lose a dollar. They just have a smart business. Yeah. But there was this one diner in particular. It was on Burger King Avenue on the border of hell and more hell. It was called the Berkshire Diner. And every time you walk into the Berkshire after 3am, you will gonna get entertained. But their specialty was the open steak sandwich on toast with steak fries. Lee, I can't describe it to you. Two pieces of white bread with thin sliced steak, huge, covered with mushrooms and onions. And then steak fries. But before that, the preemptive

was the cream of turkey soup on Wednesday night. Wednesday night, as soon as I picked you up at 8 o'clock, everybody had a smile on their face because they knew. Cream of turkey? Cream of turkey with little pieces of turkey in it with crackers in it to hold you over to the steak king. Lee, you have no fucking idea. You have no fucking idea what life is about. This is I'm telling you. And sometimes the steak came with a hair in it from the waitress of a cook. You just shunned it off. It didn't matter. It was just flavor. Nobody complained. You would never dream about it. No, you would never dream. I'm complaining. It was a fingernail in my steak. Click it and keep eating it. It was $4.

It was no. It was $7. I mean, it was pricey. This was the real deal. We all went there. Every fucking night we hit the Berkshire. We used to hit Route 22. There's diner on Route 22. Vicki's where I can diner? That's what we live for. Tiktok diner. On these coasts, you live for diners. But then I moved to a place called Aspen, Colorado. Nothing stays open past two. Never mind the fucking restaurant. Same here. So you have to go get Oscar Mayer, Coke Cards and shit like that. And that's when you decide what's important. What are you going to do with your calories? Are you going to waste them on a fucking chicken sandwich from McDonald's? Or are you going to go to Hernandez and get a Cuban sandwich

with some black beans and rice? Because in Jersey, we go to a Cuban joint at three o'clock and get black beans and rice and some soup. That itself is a sleeping pill. When you get that type of meal, you sleep hard when you wake up. You got drool on your face. You got drool on your face. Your fingers smell like fucking pork chops and shit. I've been craving those plantains for a little bit now. Oh my god. Tremendous. And so every now another part of your diet is that one day, even weight watchers gives you an extra 35 points. That's why you have those 35 points. So you can indulge in the white rice with the black beans and the pork chunks. I try some and sometimes they will like this Sunday, Paul and I are going to this Asian place.

What kind of Asian place? I don't know. It's this place in Santa Monica, she found. But it's just for me. There's no Asian places up here. They've got to be 50 fucking miles away. What's wrong with this fucking broad? Do you understand? So I've got to go down the 405, pick you up. Then you've got the balls to want to go to fucking Santa Monica. What the fuck did she do? Last week, it was crepe class in Santa Monica. It was fun. You've got 20 fucking colleges up here, but a crepe class at six o'clock in Santa Monica. It was a lot of fun. How many crepes have you cooked since then? None. Okay then. Fuck you and your fucking crepes. You ate the crepes? You thought they were good? No, one was good. The ham and cheese. The other shit you give you

who bots and fucking broccoli and shit. I give you a bunch of ham and cheese. Tell a fine Chinese restaurant to the close. What's this Asian thing? I don't know. It's a good Asian fusion place, but you won't like it because there's too many flags in the kitchen. I wonder about you sometime. What about the fucking place in studio city? That's Asian fusion. Chinese. We went on Yelp, we found a place. Yelp. Crepe class. I'm hung up on that. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. They teach you how to make crepes, like different varieties. She's Mexican. She wasn't going to make crepes. They got the strongest thing in the world, the fucking burrito. And she wants to step out and make fucking crepes. It was great. It was a lot of fun. It was a couples crepe class,

and they taught us how to make the batter. They taught us how to make the batter. We made a mushroom one. You make the batter. You suck it out of me. That's the batter right there. And then we made a ham and cheese, and then they made their own Nutella, and it was delicious. You got to stop this shit. There's French filet mignon right there on Ventura at the Chinese restaurant. That's fusion. The Chinese restaurant with French filet mignon. You got to sell it on that. Santa Monica, that's 80 walking into the fucking door. Over here is 1595, two red wells, everybody goes home and sucky sucky. Mexican style. Then they go home and take care of the fucking dog. That's it. That's still going to happen, but I don't know. All the way to Santa Monica. On the way to drop her off. Yeah.

Unfucking believable. On the way to drop her off, you're taking her to Santa Monica. Yeah. So then you're going to eat and go home without fucking and sucking. Probably. You're going to go home and suck and suck and then take her to eat. No. Well, yeah, on the way. Yeah. She's coming on Friday. We'll do plenty of the sucking. And then after you sucky fuck, then you go eat. You never show up. Yeah. Okay. That's the right way. That's okay. That's like a good negotiation. I think you're going to have to go down to Compton, then take Santa Monica and Santa Monica back to the now. No, no, no, no, no. Then back to the, you know, let's just call you fucking Uber. The fuck ain't got time for this shit. You at least say I need you fresh. I know.

Oh my goodness. I'm already feeling a little high. I know you're fucked up. That's why I'm fucking with you. You see what I got to deal with? Oh man. A little Jew. I love him. I love him like a little brother, but he's got to stop this shit every Friday. He just comes up with a new invention and he's like, okay. I love you. I got to stop in you. What? I enjoyed crepe class. This is what I got to deal with. He likes kind toys. Here's something like that I think is kind of lame, but like I kind of wanted to do, like in a couple's way, like, like your crepe class per se. Then you're just dabbing at the crepe class. Of course. You did. Don't lie to me. Yeah. Did you take him to the Zumba yet? No, yeah. She hasn't, she hasn't been, she hasn't stayed over

for a while. She what? She hasn't stayed over for a while. What's that? When is Zumba class? They have some during the week. I don't know if they have them on weekends. I'll have to check. Friday at six. Okay. I didn't know. I don't want to fucking sell them out. I can take a look at you. You take him to Zumba class. You sweaty her up. You take her home. That monkey is nice and Zumba out. It's got that little Mexican yam to it. You sniff that motherfucker. It's all over. That's your Chinese. She has to listen. You gotta tell her these things. You have to explain to her. Listen, honey, if I hit the Chinese clap. Why? What happened? Listen, this is Zumba class. I want you to go into Zumba. You're fucking hot out. And then we're going to come home. I don't want you to

even bother. I'm going to eat that fucking Zumba. Well, this Saturday we're going to jump up and down with the Israelis that you like so much. All right. After that, are you going to take some ecstasy? How am I going to take ecstasy now? I'll give her a half and get it going. You hug her. Because I've never taken ecstasy. I might have a little bit of an edible. Why don't you take a little ecstasy? Just split the white lightning I got. Take it off my hands, please. Just sit still. So I don't need to be on ecstasy. I don't have enough problems. You're going to go jump up and down with the Israelis. You want to prove yourself. What are you going to say about the couples that you're going to do? Oh, the lame couples thing.

Okay. So my husband and I went to like a chili cookoff. And I was thinking like, because Tom's River used to always have one. So we, you know, we found one and we're like, oh, we should go for fun. And like, nobody was there. It was in Santa Paula. It was like so dead. There's only like nine chilies. So I'm like, yeah, right. Oh, God forbid somebody eat something good. So I'm like, yo, what if, what if over the course of the year, we come up with a chili and we enter this fucking chili cookoff, which is totally out of character for us to do. And we never cook. And we don't know how to, I don't have a chili recipe, but I, it was just like, I'm hanging out there and I'm like, there's only nine people here. We can make it. Maybe we could win. Maybe I could

have an awesome tent set up. So is that better or worse than crepe class? That's better than crepe class. Okay. You're never going to be a fucking crepe again. Everybody's fucking chili. Everybody's fucking chili. Chili I can see. Next time find the chili class and shirmin' ups. All right, we're going to try two hours down there at the fucking door. That's a real, that's a real popular couples class. Get the guys, get everyone farting. I go to fucking couples class. I go to yoga. That's how I got that. Yeah, but you don't need chili. No. No, the couple. No, but that's, you do after when you eat some fucking. What if, what if, what if you ate that pussy and a little farts of chili come out of it? No, you wouldn't hell that motherfucker

like a soldier. You don't say it. I just farted a bean in my face. You fucking tell it smell tremendous, honey. What? Nothing. Chili cray. Let's get, let's get your wife on the phone. Fuck, leave my wife on the phone. She put another Tarzan to sleep. I got a Tarzan for a fucking daughter place. She jumped on my leg 18 fucking times. Oh no. All she needed was to yell. That's a good, it's a good night. I feel, I feel good. The edibles are popping. Any minute now, wee's head's going to start to get red. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm just so excited. Your knee's good. Cause when you call, when I saw you call me this morning, I was like, um, like, I don't know why it like made me nervous. So I was like, hello. And when you're like, do you want to come down

tonight? I'm like, didn't you literally just have surgery? Like didn't that just happen? So I think it's a great night. No, this is what happened. I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. Nobody likes to have surgery. It's an uncomfortable situation, but it's more uncomfortable in your mind. Yeah. When I took the fat ball out of my neck in 2007, that was the worst surgery in the world, but it really was. I was in and out of there. The problem was when I had created it in my head before I went into that surgery. That was, I've never been involved in things like this guys. Most people get stitches when they're a kid or they're, if something happens, knock on wood. I never had a reason to go to surgery. The knee surgery, the first one,

I was a little scared. I asked around again, it was painless at the end of the day. I didn't faint. This one, I went in with such an easy attitude. We were giggling on the way down. Yeah. So I went in there with an easy attitude. We did a podcast Monday night. I didn't think about it. Right. When you think about it, you sit there and dwell on something. So three or four days leading up to it, I wouldn't think about it. You ever break up with somebody? You get your feelings hurt. You love that person. You go to a bar and you find yourself having a good time. But throughout the weeks, you're like, my God, I didn't think about it for four hours. Oh my God, I didn't think about it for six hours. It's the same thing with surgery, you know, or anything. You have to go to court.

You have to go get a cancer thing. It's what you make it in your head before you get down there. And I really, thanks to Lee, you know, we did the podcast Monday. I was unconscious. Well, we stay here till 1030. Yeah. And we left here fucked up, you know, so thanks to Lee to take my mind off. He showed up at four o'clock when I first called him in the morning to wake him up. He goes, I'm still fucking high on that. So he made me laugh. He doesn't understand what he did. So I was too high. When I got home at six in the morning, I made a turkey sandwich because I was still fucked up. I was like, I'm high as shit. So that's what it really is. It's what you make of it in your mind, how you go into it. And even when my wife got there, she goes,

Joe, I gotta tell you something. What happened? I go, she goes, you're not even stressing. I go, yeah, what can I do? There's nothing I could do. There's nothing you could do. It's like when you take a flight, I see people all the time at the airlines having a bad time before they get on the plane. I can't believe this is happening. They can have a sit back. It's five hours. The fucking pilot can't get there any faster. Bring a book, bring a computer, bring an iPod, bring everything that takes you away for 40 minutes. You know what to expect at this point. You know, you really do. You do a movie. The first time you do a movie, Lee, you will hate yourself. The first time Scorsese calls you and says, Lisa, yeah, I got three days on the movie for you.

Come in tomorrow at seven and at three o'clock, nobody's talked to you. Nobody's even, they come in to go, Lee, lunch. And you go eat lunch and now you're like one and you asked me, when am I going to shoot? I don't know. You'll last up and you're sitting there asking yourself, why did I do this? Why did they do this to me? They could have just called me in at one. You don't want that feeling. Bring a book, an iPod, a computer, movies. They all those trailers have DVDs and I used to bring movies, weed and you know what, they're paying you to sit there. I've been on sets with actors, comedians, especially. I got to play in the cat. Nobody cares, bro. You should have taken this game. There's 200 other people that are doing their job and

that's how long it's going to take. That's how long it takes. So the easier, when I first got baseball, oh my God. I used to, that was the first thing I ever booked in this time. And I had one line and they gave me 14 days or something. It was something ridiculous. Two or three weeks at 5,500 a week. And I would go there and tap my fingers with nothing, no book, no nothing. Just me with my sneakers and clothes on. And I didn't even think I had a cell phone. I had a pager. And I would just sit in this room and go, when the fuck, and then Jenny McCarthy came on and she would work out. And I would wait till she'd work out so hard that the pussy sweat would come out of those black things. And once that fucking whack came out of her monkey, I'd run

into that trail and whack off and look out the window. Like Mike Damone in Fast Times and Bridge Mile High. And that was it. That was when I was upset. And that's what it was. Then the more shit I did, I met people who wouldn't even stress. And I go, why aren't you stressing? I'm reading a book. I'm writing a script. So it's what you go into this shit with. What kind of mind you go into this? How many times have I leased my body? I call the answer. I don't want to do this. This blows. And I'm calling. I'm going to go, it's pretty painless. It was great. I went in with a bad attitude, but you came out with a good attitude. So what are you gonna do? I don't know. Eat another edible. You want to celebrate my knee surgery? I'm celebrating right now. You want to eat an animal

with tranquilizer? No. Oh my God. What kind of animal? Like a bear. I think it's a bear. Little baby bear. So you only be high for like 12 hours. Oh good. Only 12 hours. You'll be high till tomorrow night. Tomorrow. Lee, it's a baby bear. It's a baby bear. Why do they need to tranquilize a baby bear? Maybe he wants to jump out of window and steal your honey. I don't fucking know. Oh my God. Maybe he wants to go to Santa Monica and he fuses Chinese food. I have no fucking idea. You know what I'm saying? I can't tell you anything. You killed me. You killed me with this shit. She wants to go down there. Who's the Captain Kirk of this enterprise? Lisa Yat. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You gotta tell her I'm the Captain Kirk. I'm not getting in

my car at six o'clock and driving against the fucking flow here. So we can hang out with Chinese people. We can do that in Sherman Oaks. Right or wrong? Am I lying? Well, I gotta get in my fucking car at six o'clock and drive against the thing to go hang out with Puerto Ricans, Chinese people. Some of them have scotch tape. She knows. Yeah. She knows. I envy though that feeling of like, he likes to joke. You don't. Yeah, like, you're like, what's the big deal? Like, because to me it's like, well, no, I wouldn't. What time is your reservation? Reservation, please. What time are you going now? We're gonna go there Sunday night. I don't know. Oh, Sunday night. Oh, I'm gonna go down there Friday. That's what you were saying. No, I'm not an idiot. Okay, that deducts like an

hour off of the. Oh, God, I used to. What are you doing on Friday night? She's coming up here after school and then we'll just hang out. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, hold on. No. And then take it to the Green Onion. Okay. Give it a fucking French. You love that filet mignon. That's all I eat. That's all they got. It's Chinese food that sucks. It's supposed to be New York style Chinese food. And everything you get, they don't have the peas and the stripping lobster sauce. They have garlic pork fried rice, which isn't bad. They really try that. The egg roll is not, it's a four. It's a New York egg roll, but it's a four. If you're the name of New York, it's thickening them, but it always blows up. The chans don't blow up. Chan's egg roll, don't fucking blow up.

Oh, they're already hitting me for when you're going to Gotham. This guy wrote to me like, we're going to Chan's before I hope you're coming. It's just funny. George called me. He's like, listen, man, I really gotta tell you, this is Cuban place in Jersey City, my attorney owns, and she really wants to throw a party for George to stop it right now. They want to go to Chan's, so we must be fucking Cuban food. They want to go to Chan's Dragon. They don't go to Chan's Dragon. It's not the same because Chan's Dragon ain't going to do shit for us. They don't care what'll be going on. George is like, I try to talk to the guy and the guy, I go to Chan's. They've been there for 30 years. They can tell us what the fuck he did. So we're going to Chan's Dragon and the

shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm doing the Gotham show on Thursday night. The real Gotham thing. I don't know what that is. It's like a, I don't know, ATVX show. Oh, a TV show. Oh, yeah, Ms. Pal is on that. Oh, nice. So, and that's it, really. That's it. It's just a fast fucking trip, 1145 shows. Can't wait. Oh, man. So do you like it out here, Vicky? Yeah, I kind of do. How long have you been out here, Vicky? In October, it'll be seven years. So it feels like forever. You know? One day you went in Jersey and said I'm getting that movement out of life. Yeah, it was within, within 10 months of deciding. I was like, all right, by the end of the day, because like, I lived with my husband, but he was, you know, my boyfriend at the time or my fiance.

So it's like, all right, instead of having a wedding, me and you will just go to Jamaica, we'll get married, we'll save all our money and money instead of spending it on a wedding, we moved to Los Angeles. And that's what we did within 10 months. I was like bartending, maybe selling pot allegedly, but whatever, by any means necessary, we got here. You know what I mean? And so many people don't do that. I have so many friends who said, in two years, I'm moving to California. Like two years, what? Just do it now. Oh my god. It's amazing when people tell me that drives me fucking. The conversation ends in 2017. I'm moving. The conversation ends for me when somebody says, I'm gonna move to LA in three years. What's going

to be different in three years? Right. And I want to get into the conversation with them, but right away I'll get inflammatory. So I just don't leave it alone. I've always hated that. I'm going to get married in June of 2017. I don't see it. I don't fucking see it. It just doesn't make sense. Right. Just do it. Do it. Just do it. Yeah. We're very impulsive too. You know, I called them, I went to do something one day and I just had these weird feelings. You ever have weird feelings when you're with somebody for a while, you kind of know what they're thinking, the mood she was in. One day I went and talked to somebody on the talk that I had with a friend of mine. He was like, you should really marry Terry. And I got in my car, started it, and I drove from

wherever he lives, Los Feliz, on the five. I decided I'm gonna marry Terry. This had to be the first week of September. And I called her up at work and I was like, you know what, we've been together nine years. It's the time we got married. And she was like, what do you think? And I said, I don't know, maybe Thanksgiving. And we're going to get married in Tennessee, but they wanted a blood test. I don't love you that much. I don't love you that much. Over the blood test? Fuck you. Fuck you. A blood test ain't got nothing to do with marriage. I love Jesus when they give you a blood test. You know what? We didn't get one. Yeah. So we ended up getting married here. We got, I mean, we got, I proposed to her on the phone in September

and we got married the day before Thanksgiving, two months later. So Wednesday? On a Wednesday? So everybody could go. Why get married on a Saturday? Every fucking moron does that. Yeah. Every fucking moron does that and they can't go. Comic can't go on weddings on Saturday. We want to do something completely different, man. I don't, I don't understand people who do things and I got to stop what the fuck I'm doing for them. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't not like that at all. I don't like that shit at all. You know, you live here. We grow up here. We get dinner here and also I get an invitation that you're getting married in Boston. Why? Because your mother, I don't give a fuck about your mother. Well, then I'll go,

but it's your plane ticket. You got a bite for the plane ticket. I don't know what you're talking about. No, when your situation is different, your friend lives in Boston. Well, he lives in Boston. Right. But he's my, he's my best friend from high school and I love him and I would do, I'm going to do it, but it kind of, he doesn't listen to what will matter. He lives in Boston. The girlfriend lives in Boston. Both families live in Boston. Okay. They decided to get married in Vermont on a Sunday. What? So now, now, and it's like a three or four hour drive from Boston, so now I'm taking like a connection to Vermont and it's on a Sunday. So now I have to take the six a.m. and fly back on a Monday and I'm like, oh, and it's just a, and it's, I can't even,

I don't know. I don't like people who make plans to make me uncomfortable. You know, my brother just called my friend, my brother called me, he was, I'll be out there next year in Orange County for my stepbrothers wedding. I go, why would you do that? I put 200 in that fucking envelope. This guy is a piece of shit for starters. Number two, you don't have the money. Yeah. You don't have the, that's 2000 to go down there. Yeah. For a hotel. For what? For this fucking schmuck. You put 200. You don't lose face. You never lose face. Right. For a douce in an envelope. Listen, I got, I'm on, I didn't want to do that to people. I live in LA. I don't want to get married in Tennessee. People like get married in Tennessee. She knew it would be a

boarding fest in Tennessee. Our friends wouldn't be there. We got married at the church on Wilshire and then we had the party at the Hollywood Bowl. They have a little house in the Hollywood Bowl and bread man and all those guys came and we stood outside and smoked pot and my wife made a wedding cake and we got food from our coach Nito. We got pastrami from Langers. We don't fuck around, but we got Cuban food from appetizers and that was it. And that was it. Nobody got that feeling and said, nobody had to leave town. Right. You know, I've gotten invitations living in LA to marriages in Mexico on New Year's Day. I will, I remember calling her and going, are you, is this a joke? It's our dream. Listen, do me a favor. Don't fuck yourself. I thought in three people

wouldn't go to weddings. This girl never spoke to me again. Really? Dear friends. I told them, I go, listen, dog, we do coconut compadre and we drink coconut compadre. Now all of a sudden you get married New Year's Day in Mexico. That's the day people are the most broke. Yeah. That's the day people are the most broke, but you're that special. You're that special. You're pussy and you're fake tits consent. You know, unless you're sucking my dick after you fucking suck your husband's dick, I'm not going to your fucking wedding in Mexico on the first. I don't, I don't care how special you think you are. You get fucking married. We all break, break. It's rude. It's rude. You're making me, all right, I'll go to Jamaica League, but you're paying for the plane ticket and the

hotel. I'll put a nickel in the envelope and I'll pay for my tux and the meals and the whole thing. I had another wedding invite about a year ago that you had to go to Jamaica for a week with these people. Yeah, that's fucking insane. That's fucking insane. The whole idea of going like for us at least was like so nobody would go. It wasn't even on the table. No invitation. I love it. I love it. I love it. It's just like our parents just don't have money like that. You know what I mean? Fuck it. No, why are you stressing people? I'm going to take a loan to get married. So the wedding is, let me tell you something. If I go to your wedding in Mexico and you break up, I'm going to sue you. Yeah. I'm going to sue you for the fucking plane ticket. I'm suing you for the fucking

cost of the hotel. Yeah. I'm suing you. So before you get me involved like that, don't invite me to your piece of shit. Don't make us all go to your honeymoon. Fuckin idiot. That's the fuck. I got that invitation. Two invitations actually called the people up and I asked them who the fuck do they think that the one guy was like, bro, I don't give a fuck about your wife. This is the shit you have to say. Yeah. This is the shit you say like, uh, I got bad news for you. I run here. I run here. My business, I break bread right here in this neighborhood. This is where I break my bread. This is it. We ain't going here. We ain't going there. No, look at you and they'll be depressed for three days. No, get over it. But unless, okay, we'll get married

where you want to. But my friends, you got to flip the painted. What are you talking about? I've been in the weddings. I don't give a fuck. I can't do that to my friends. Yeah. I would never, ever do that to my friend. Like, you guess what? I'm getting married in Houston, Texas, to Pavilion. And there's some asshole couples that like, we'll make a plan of it a day of it. Fuck you. Don't support that shit. Don't encourage that shit. Time to go fuck themselves. You know, you snort coke here in LA. This is where you fucking get married. You fucking married somewhere else because, oh, we want to see the rocks. There was a lady I used to know here in town, a real fucking cunt, the publicist. And I looked at the wedding pictures and she made

everybody go to Hawaii and dress in white and they put a little circle on the floor and burnt it like fucking people at the office. Only fakes do that. When you have to celebrate your love and hold people and take pictures and let people know how much you love them, there's nothing there. You're faking the funk. You don't have to yell at people. Oh, this is my love and profess your love and write a poem at your wedding. Stop it. You didn't write it on mouse? No. Faking everyone uncomfortable. No, for 2,000 years people were getting mad. I got to write my own fucking mind and write my own files. You love them? Yeah, you're gonna take care of them when shit gets deep. Yeah. Okay, that's it. How about you? No, because it's miraculously write a bunch of words and 22

amazings. I would love for you to officiate a wedding. It'd be out of there in six minutes. Six minutes. Wasting these people's time. Wasting these people's time in July. These motherfuckers that get married on a Saturday during college football. You got a pair of fucking balls. You got some fucking pair of balls. They're here. They have an envelope. Get them to the open bar. Get the fuck out of here. That's what's happening. Get them. Oh, there better be an open bar. Oh, and then the other thing, and it doesn't matter. So they're getting married in Vermont. I'll go to the ski resort thing. Oh, you want that? Okay. It's like the hotel rooms they got are like 700 for the weekend. No, no. Send an envelope. No, I have to

go now, but no, no. Send an envelope. Tell them it's over. Take the ticket and come to New York. Forget it. Take the same ticket and come to New York. You're gonna go to fucking some wedding with some schmuck on a Sunday, 700 a night for a hotel. No, my mom is going too, because we're family friends and we found our best question. Send your mom. Send your mom like Tom Hayden. Remember Tom Hayden and the good friends and the godfather. They sent him to all the events. Can you take me in the airing? Yeah. Send your mom. Send your mom with an envelope. No, I love what I'm gonna do, but yeah, I know it's a, but it's like kind of cool, like you with Terry and it sounds like you and your husband are cool, but it's like, and luckily Paul is cool.

Like there's, there's some girls who if you proposed to over the phone, probably would have said no. Like it's kind of, it's kind of right on my head. It's nine years. It's nine years. She's already sucked dick. I've already eaten pussy. What's the drama? What's the suspense? Why all the bullshit? Yeah, but you didn't have pigeons. What have you fucking done and fucking, I gotta get on my knee and call your fucking fat fucking father and wait for your time. Fuck you. I didn't call her father and say I'm marrying your daughter. I didn't ask him for his hand in marriage. I called him like a man and said, I love your daughter. I've been with her for seven years. I think it's time we get married and you get it together. I'm Cuban. I'm slinging dick. Take it or leave it. That's,

I don't have fucking time for, that's all bullshit, man. Yeah. Well, are your parents still around, Vicky? Are your parents still around? Oh yeah. Yeah. Were they upset? Because if I eloped, my mom would murder me. No, I mean, well, you know, it's not an elopement. It was a different way of getting married. Yeah, it was like this. It's like we met each other. It was all, it was so quick for how long we've been together. Oh yeah, like irrationally so almost. Like we, our first date, you know, we had sex on our first date, then a few months he was staying over my house all the time. Then a few months later, we moved in together. So we already were sharing a bank account. Then, you know, he proposed. We were doing the math. We went to a few places. We went to, you know,

like when you go to like the Quality Inn or a Ramada Inn, they have a ballroom. It's like, all right, what, you know, what is it per person? We did the math. We don't have the money. It's insane. If you want to have a wedding with like 100 people at a place like that, and then we're not really even religious. So it's like, do we go to a church or what do we, right away, family members too, being like, oh, you know, who's going to be in the wedding party? Who's going to be matched up with who, right? You know, don't seat us with these people talking about seating arrangements. Oh, I know. When I have a ring on my finger for maybe a week, it's just like, you know what, for, I think it was under five grand, 10 days in Jamaica, all expenses paid, you know,

just alcohol, airfare, everything, the wedding included fucking cake. I'm gonna have to get that number from you. Two people, sandals, Montego Bay. That's awesome. You asked Terry. I think Terry spent 2000 on her wedding, including the rings and everything. Perfect. Perfect. She didn't believe it either. She was like, I don't, we talked about it, what we want to do. Let me tell you a little story. I went to prison, I got out and I was dating this girl. Before I did my crime, her and I were on the splits. She was with me for six years, so she felt I'd been this long. Let me stick it out with him in prison, which was very nice. She took care of my finances. I left money and she paid my rent and she paid my bills and all that shit. I got out,

I was cleaning sober from the coke. I fucked her outside one day and I knocked her up. My Catholic side proposed to I asked her dad, you know, she did all that shit. I said, listen, I'm in a halfway house and I work 80 hours a week. I'm just going to give you envelopes. You tell me what you need. But then it became playing Joe Diaz line two, you know, I got four customers. Hello. Listen, I'm at the store and the chair people need a color by tonight. We're getting married, man. What's a color on a chair? Got to do with it. I don't want that conversation ever in my life. I don't want that. I don't want the conversation of, hey, you can't put this guy at a table with this guy. I don't want that

conversation. We're getting married. Marriage in this country has become something else. It's become a Jones thing. This is how we love each other. And all those weddings, they last for guts. And my wife at the time was one of those people. We got married at a church. Your first wife. The first wife. And then we got, we had a party at a hotel, a nice hotel. I forget what it was, but here's the beauty of it. My guerrilla friends came from Jersey. And I told my wife, we live in Boulder. And in those days, the biggest game of national football was Boulder against Nebraska. We got married that Saturday. My guerrilla buddies came. First of all, the best man was too coped up. The priest came over to me and goes, he's got rings around his nose.

So Georgie had to stand in front. We went back to the hotel and these guys were like, where's the bar in the bar? And they're like, we closed the bar for renovations. My friends like, where's the TV with the game? And they're like, there's no TV. You ready for this one? My friends gave the fucking guy at the hotel 50 bucks an extension cord and they rented a room, took the TV out of the room, put the extension cord and put the TV at their table. Those are smart friends. You know, my wife, that poor girl was, she had never seen anything like that in her life. Her parents, these guys. And that's the difference. Okay. And that's why you don't waste people's time on a Saturday. Super Bowl. You fucking love. Love. Don't give a fuck.

People don't give a fuck about love when Colorado's playing the brass. Let me tell you something. She talked about it at the divorce. What? Are you serious? That's how much it bothered her that. But let me tell you what else I realized that night. After all the bullshit and all the dancing and the cake. And this is a true story that I'm telling you people on the podcast that we took, I was in a halfway house and I was part of Community Corrections, which let me leave the state for 72 hours. So we left on a Saturday night after the wedding and I had to be back Tuesday. So I knew I had time to snort. And that was part of why I went to San Francisco for the honeymoon. I also went to catch the Yankees against the Oakland A's

when Konseco and Maguire played for Oakland. Okay. I went to see that game and I had her also go see the Giants against the Niners on Monday Night Football when Montana was making a comeback. I planned this whole honeymoon for me to go watch sports because I didn't really give a fuck about honeymoon. And I never forget that on the plane I looked at her and I couldn't believe I'd gotten married guys. Like on the plane was where I looked at her and I go, this was a waste of my fucking time. And I'm saying this to the podcast people to just let you know how life works. Like in that airplane on the honeymoon was where I realized I didn't love her. I had made a mistake. This was a fucking nightmare. We went back to the room. She was pregnant. So I got to

tie her up and let her pussy on fire. We went back to the room and she was tied. She passed out. I took the rental car and found one of my old drug dealer friends and bought an eight ball at 12 o'clock at night and started the whole thing by seven. Oh my god. Back to the whole tower room. Layed next to her. She woke up and she did not know I was gone the whole night. That was my honeymoon night guys. That's why the wedding didn't fucking work or last. That's the truth. I never told that story. But all that love and all that bullshit and all those plans and the color of it. It didn't matter because there was no love. Do you think like let's say you were going to have a wedding and Terry didn't want to, she wanted to have it at a

big place. For somewhat don't you think like maybe it's not the right person if like you need something big like that. I mean maybe a couple would like it but like like there's things telling about the wedding plans. Right. You mean or just like like the chairs should have been a red flag. Like if they got like if they got mad that if your wife got mad that you don't care about the chair color like then it's just not going to work out. Listen man. Anybody who's going to say yes to me knows I don't give a fuck about any of that shit. I've never had and I never will. We'll get married. Right. Why are we going away from getting married? Why are we worried about this or the colors of the pigeons or the band? I don't want to worry about any of that shit. I want to worry

about our day. It's our day. It's got nothing to do with nothing else. But people have turned it into this 20,000, 30,000 dollar investment. It's out of control. Can't be. And you gotta tell these bitches right out when they talk about pigeons they should come in for a second. Didn't some guy fuck you in the ass for three years in college. What pigeons are you talking about? What pigeons are you talking about? You really saw fucking pigeons. And if you're not honest with that with people it's not going to work out for you. Yeah. Because you're going to always have to be they're going to hit you with these extravagances all the time in their life. Like you know what I wore? I wore a dress that I got at Macy's that I really liked. It was like purple with like polka dots on

a long dress. I didn't even get a wedding dress. Why spend $1,200? I only got a white dress but you were blown guys when you were a sophomore. Right. You only got a white dress but you were blown guys behind the football stadium when you were a sophomore in high school. It's crazy. It's crazy. How much did you guys spend on the rings? Because I mean I'm not supposed to spend like three months salary or like. Lee I'm so glad you asked. Okay. That's a nice ring. This and these are nice rings right? Fake. They're not real diamonds. That would be insane. This is my message for women or anyone getting engaged. If you want that ring that's $20,000, $30,000 you have to understand you're marrying this person. That money is your money. Would you ever buy a fucking ring for 20

or 30 grand? That's crazy. That's a good point to share money because like part of it because I've been thinking I know I'm nowhere near doing it. It's only been a year but it's just like you look at it online. Actually I looked I shouldn't have even done it but I looked online just to see what the prices were for because part of me is like I don't want to be embarrassed like getting the smallest one. It looks like you're gonna have to spend like four or five thousand dollars for her ring and I'm like and it just it's scary and that's honestly why I'm a huge kid person. I love little kids. I think they're really cute but the older I get I got read an article that it costs even before college 250 grand just from zero to 18 to raise a kid and that's without private

school. That's without college. It's like fuck. I could use a quarter of a million bucks. That's you're gonna spend the McDonald's 20 years. Oh yeah see that's that yeah I think that's that's all bullshit. I think when you when you consider your child there's no value on your child. If you're a real human being uh-huh when you think about your child when you look at your child you'll go without so your child has. Oh I know that. So fuck all those articles those are fucking Gentiles who adds that shit up. This is what I spent on my phone last year because you're a fucking cheap cunt. There's no price value on your kid for you to make your kid the best he could be. You want more for your child so don't buy those articles. Those articles are for fucking

the same people go out. We're gonna get married in 2015 and I'm gonna have children in 2018 really go fuck yourself. Children come when they come. That's the beauty of your child the woman coming in going honey you knock me up. Not that we're not gonna fuck with a condom and I can't come in 2018. Those are those people who figure out budgets. This is our budget. What fucking budget? What fucking budget are you talking about? Budget. Oh this is our budget. You look at a girl's hand you look at her you have a nice one. Paul is a sweetheart and I have. You're gonna get her a nice ring. You're not gonna get a fucking 20,000. No I can't imagine. When she becomes a big time attorney she'll buy herself and there's fucking a big ring. You buy a ring with her dough. Yeah

then. I mean yeah that's the problem we got you know. I don't know if you want to discuss it beforehand or not or if you would just spring it on her but. Well she's told me what she likes like with a style a little bit but I don't know. I mean it's just because a lot of my friends are starting to get married and it's it's scary and it's just I can't like the girls put the pictures on Facebook now because they want to brag but like some of them are just like you can't even see the like you can't even see the thing in it and I'm like that's kind of embarrassing for the guy a little bit but. But again it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be just about love but now it's like how how it's all bragging. Listen at the end of the week it's your fucking field. Right. This life

is your fucking field. This life is your field. Why do it like everybody else? I hate the fucking Joneses. I hate that they exist for people that don't know. I loved when I was doing the longest yard. Yeah. I went to do a HDR one day and everybody pulled up on Mercedes and Porsches and all these things and I pulled up with a beat up Corolla. You know. I was a bad motherfucker and I moved. I didn't need a Porsche or Mercedes. You follow me but for some people they need that to speak about themselves. It's the same thing with a ring. It's the same thing with all that shit. If you train them now and you explain to them this is my love. This is what I can afford. This is what you're fucking getting. They know. It's a state of mind. All that shit's a state of mind man.

Yeah. All that shit's a state of mind for a wedding. There's what we're doing. I'm sorry. Oh no but well you can get you can get like a small like real diamond or you could get like a big gaudy thing. That's fake. Like for me like you know this wasn't discussed. It wasn't like you know let's plan my engagement ring thing. This got sprung on me you know but uh this is exactly what I wanted. Yeah. Let's say the guy was real slick. I'm giving you a Cuban Zaconian. You will never know anyway. Right. Exactly. You'll never know anyway. In three years from now I'll go let me take it. They got cleaned. He gives it back to me. He goes you know what. About a year ago it's a Cuban Zaconian. They must have replaced the ring and you got yourself out. You got three years to buy a

real fucking ring. You're so fucking stupid all your life. That totally happened. That's right. It's so funny. You get on me. The women I gave Cuban Zaconians out at three in the morning that's up my dick in Miami. Really? You think I'm kidding. He used to give out Cuban Zaconian rings? He used to buy them for 29 bucks at Kmart in Michigan. You buy two of them. You have them in your luggage. Some chicks giving you a hard time. You need to close it. You pop with a little fucking fake Cuban Zaconian at three in the morning. That's hysterical. There's nothing that closes a deal like a fake fucking ring at three in the morning. They'll do something. They'll show you a dick. I mean yeah. I think that's I hated it. I knew as a 21 year old that weddings were just bullshit.

I fucking went to two or three of them young and I was like I'm never going to them again. That's why as soon as I became a comedian whether I'm working or not do not send me a wedding invite. Do not because I'm going to be working that weekend. I'm always working. I'm always when a comic comes up to me and says and sings me a song and a dance about how bad he's doing and I go to him. What are you doing this weekend? He goes I'm going to my sister's wedding. The conversation is not involved in my head. You're a comic. You work weekends. On the weekends is what you do. You want to go to DC for your sister's wedding and do spots around the wedding and that's what we do. But you can't cry if you're going to weddings on the weekend.

You can't cry. How do you think that will start it though? The pure pressure not even from anyone in general. To go out to a French restaurant on Valentine's Day. To do all this stuff that costs money. I feel the pressure. It's now I'm in a cool relationship and she doesn't care but I wonder where that comes from. Some asshole. Some fucking jerk off. Some fucking jerk off and then they set the bar and some girls stole other girls and now that's what you're supposed to do. Anybody knows if you go to a restaurant on Valentine's Day it's a fucking nightmare. Oh my god. People sit next to your fake roses and shit. You don't go out. You take out the night before Valentine's Day on Monday night. Yeah. Oh whatever. It doesn't. All this shit to prove

your love. I've never seen it. My friendship and my love has proved to you on a daily basis. I don't need a fucking specific day to tell you I love you or my wife understands me. I'm a fucking animal. I love you but that doesn't mean I got to celebrate it and tell the world. I once asked a friend of mine that's a producer in a movie. He had done the last samurai and with Tom Cruise. Wow. He was dating Penelope Cruz at the time and I said to him off color I said hey Jason do you think Tom Cruz is gay and he goes absolutely I go why and he goes because he made a big deal about his girlfriend showing him. No guy does that. Right. Right. No guy makes a big deal. Oh my god. It's my wife. You know the jumping on the couch

on Oprah. No but he does that type of shit. A little bit over the top. He said that before that. Before that he was telling me this but it's so weird how I don't want all this firecracker to show love when there's no love. Right. You get married 60 percent of it is the ether you're under. You're under this ether man. And once the wedding is over and you wake up a pussy smells the same wedding day the honeymoon morning when you go to eat that snatch it smells the same. Nothing's changed and then you realize all these things you just drop $18,000 and nothing changed. Right. Right. You just got a piece of paper. You're in debt for six months after your wedding because you want to have an open bar to be a big shot for your fucking friends. Between the

reception it's not about your friends man. Right. And the ring if you if you went deep with everything you could be you could start your life with your spouse at like negative 40 or 50 grand. And you know what's crazy? I'm Jewish so I had a bar mitzvah which was like especially in like the northeast it's really extravagant and I'm sure my parents spent way too much money. Right. But the town I grew up in the Christian kids got so jealous they started having 13 year old parties just for the Christian kids and like they had the freaking MTV show my super sweet 16 where they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a 16 year old birthday party and it's just it's it's crazy. Yeah. My mom used to be very crazy on my birthday. She would go overboard but because

she came from a family of nine and then it's celebrate her birthday. So for her my birthday was her birthday. So she would buy a piñata the fucking sandwiches. But it wasn't because the other kids in the neighborhood had it because your mom loved you. She didn't give a fuck. Yeah. I don't do nothing. You know I drive a Subaru and I would drive a Subaru whether I made $10 million a year or $5,000 a year. I don't deserve a DBMW. I don't want a BMW. I used to rob people for a living. Why do I have a BMW? I was going to change who the fuck I really am inside. So I can never pull up on a BMW just because I don't like that stuff. I've never thought that there's any I see right through it. And in my mind people see right through in the back of some people when they get

impressed. Those are people you know I get impressed by people's actions. You know most people who have those cars as comebacks go on the 405 and drive. Who's doing 60 the guy with the Porsche. Do 90 you fucking cunt. That's why you bought the car right for the position and the German engineering. Now you're doing 60 in the left hand lane. Why are you wasting our fucking time for? What the fuck you don't want to take it. Then why do you buy the Porsche for? Buy a fucking Prius and do 55. Why are you waiting? You following me man? Yeah. I don't understand all that world whether I had money. I don't understand making a big deal for people. I'm working with this kid in Denver and I had to call him and explain to him like listen to daily shows bro. I don't want nobody

in the green room. He said what are you talking about? I don't want girls in there. I don't want cousins. I don't want alcohol in there. I don't know that shit. That shit's never impressed a guy like me. I don't know why. I don't know why. You know me paying 22,000 for my wedding and having you know I didn't see it. Yeah. Whether I had the money. That's not about being cheap or being rich. Right. I just don't see the beauty of me making my best friend go to Hawaii on New Year's Day for me to get a wedding. Why would I think of that special? You make people buy an outfit. You know you. It's not an expensive. It's gonna cost me 250 to rent a tux for a weekend. See right there. That's so like maybe it's just me. Like your fucking Sinatra. Get the fuck out of here. Right. Maybe it's my

lifestyle because I'm always so broke but it's like to me that's an insane like oh my god if I had if I had another 250 I could you know go buy this thing I really want. Like it's insane to me. I'm gonna live in Boston. I gotta go for a month to do what. Then they take pictures by a tree like two fucking times. It drives me crazy. It always has man. I don't know why. Just like I said our wedding she made the cake. That's awesome. She made the cake. Three teas with two guys on it. Wow. Singing and dancing. I can imagine Terry. She's just like why are we gonna spend 500? I can make it. She can make it exactly how she wants. I was so happy about my wedding. I had such a great time. On a Wednesday night. Wow. We were done by 10 and we went right to the house. We had a great time.

We got a bottle of champagne. It was fucking phenomenal. And I went to the house to get a vision notice. Really? Walked in my house to get a vision notice the day after the wedding. Oh my god. Because we had cats. They said that we lived there for 11 years but they wanted to throw us out due to the price. We were only paying 700 a month. Oh yeah. With a garage. You know one bedroom and unlimited hot water. Wow. Unlimited hot water for me is like unlimited hot fudge. Right. That's a fucking corral. That's like when I could shoot in the shower and lay in there for three hours and the heat and just think stoned. My god that's better than fucking jacuzzi. Oh my god that's a star. And I thought of you because I drove by the griddle the other day and there's a line.

Told you. That's like your least favorite place in the world. What time was the line there? Like 10 30. Fucking suckers. Yeah. What's the griddle? The griddle across from Fairfax and Sunset. It's an egg place. Okay. 10 years ago Lindsay Lohan went there before court and they got very powerful. The eggs are oh my god. They're fucking eggs you fucking sheep. Mr. Breakfast and Tom's River is still 10 times better than the fucking griddle. And I'll get two eggs with that jersey grease home fries and two pieces of toast and a piece of fucking bacon for six dollars. So good. Yeah. The griddle wants like 18 dollars for breakfast and it's the same Gentiles that stand out front with their newspapers and their acting scripts. You know it's it's just one of those

places and I always yell at them and beat the horn. You fucking faggots. Get a life you know because it's true. You're waiting online for eggs to be cool. That's insane. Yeah. This whole movement is about waiting online. These kids love waiting online. It proves so all we got to wait online. I don't want to win one of my Russia. They just toilet paper on the way down fucking line. I got money just like the next guy. Get me the fucking that. Oh god. What's up Lisa? Are you high yet? A little bit. I ate right before I came so. It's slow. See it's slow. I told you to prepare yourself. Oh yeah. You love it. You love getting it. About an hour I'll call you and be all fucked up. Yeah. Fuck it. What's going on with you? So how long have you guys been doing it? Oh my god.

This is the fourth year. Third year I'm involved. And is he still doing a lot of live performances? Yeah. Not as much as he used to like not as much as he used to in LA like he'll do them out of town but he's doing some some kind of show now Tripoli X I think in September. So that's kind of like like it's a variation of the live naughty shows. Crazy girls I want to say. I'm not sure. I'm good of a guy's Tripoli. Is he fucking out of his bird? He's all right. He's out of his bird. He's a fucking mad man. He's a fucking mad man. Oh we're recording. He's really really is. I've seen him. I've known Tripoli since he was a kid. I off. Tripoli since he's a kid like a fucking young guy. I can't even imagine. Giggling and you know when he first came from Vegas right? Yes. Yeah he went to college there. Yeah Pablo

and you know I still remember him at the store in the main room in front of old people doing jokes about ecstasy and they were just staring at him. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. He did not know. He did not know. And now how many shows do you do a week? You do a podcast. We do we do two episodes a week but we record both at once. So we on Playboy Radio from three to five on Tuesdays. We record live. We broadcast and then. Right in Glendale there. In Burbank. Burbank. Are they moved? Yeah. Yeah I think they had two places but yeah. I used to always do a 7am show. Yeah yeah. The girl and the guy. Are they still there? The crazy girl? Yeah I think so. She tweets Andrea Lowe. Yes. Andrea Lowe. Yes what is that? The morning show or something? The morning show.

Yeah you're going to her and the guy. Good people. Yeah. I used to go there a lot. I was telling me I went there one day and they had a chef that made you a seven course meal for 100 bucks. For 200 bucks you and your girlfriend. He'd come over your house and make you a seven course meal but everything's got marijuana in it. Oh my god. So the salad dressing has marijuana. The appetizer has marijuana. The main course. The wine. The dessert. He gave us the dessert. It was like a crepe. A strawberry crepe. I swear I was going to ask. He gave us a strawberry crepe that was delicious and I was like that sucks. I ate it at seven in the morning and I was like that's soft and by fucking four because he made it with truffle butter or something like that. Oh all right.

But that's good you guys have been you know it's when you look at the iTunes charts and you look at the top podcast it's all the people that have been doing it for three years or longer. Yeah. You know it's amazing that people bust in and they get to number one and you see them dropping and dropping and they adjust. I don't know how iTunes but the people who have been doing it are always like 70 and in. Yeah. And that's a really special number to be in the top 70 of all of a thousand podcasts and comedy. And I honestly think it's a scam with the iTunes thing because if you go and see like let's say a big name comic announces are going to start a podcast they'll get the thing up and have no episodes and be number one. Right. I've seen

that happen. It's crazy. And it's crazy that I mean you must see it because I've done a couple of the podcasts and it's so it's so hard to get a foothold especially like if you're not the Marin or the Nerdist or something like that. So to get people to actually listen and keep listening. So it's a good it's a big accomplishment. It's harder than it's seen and then it should be especially since it's free. But I'm amazed every single time I get a tweet. I'm fucking amazed that any one person is listening. I think it's amazing. Like it still blows my mind. I'm not jaded about it at all after all these years. It's just that anyone would care to listen and they like it and they talk about you know when people like like send you messages about shit you said

like on the show it's nuts. I'm sure you don't get high before the shows but I don't remember things I said even when I'm sober. So they'll say oh I love what you said here. I don't remember saying that. But it's amazing. It's amazing the reach because like I went to the the guy who measured me from my text today. He knew some podcast. He didn't know this podcast but he knew of podcasts and it's amazing how quickly the technology is moving and letting people do it because before to like my dad was on the radio for 20 years and he he wanted to keep doing it. But a talk show is more expensive than the news and the music. So a lot of talk radio stations went down. But to do it now you like to do it then you had to have a radio station hire you

and you had to start at the overnight shift or the weekend shift and fucking Tulsa and then and hopefully move to better markets now fucking if you're if you're a comedian or anybody like Joey always says if he was a plumber he would have a podcast so now anybody can do it for like under 500 bucks. You can have a professional podcast. Yeah it's crazy. It's amazing and it and you can just put it out there and and what's weird is like you were saying how you always see the same people like at the top and how amazing that is. That's out of that's out of the whole fucking world. That's out of the whole world. So it's almost like you know the cream rises. You know what I mean. This is a great art. Like this has been a great forum for people especially myself and Lee.

I mean everything doesn't work for a lot of people. It's definitely worked for comedians. It didn't work for a lot of comics but it worked. I thought it required something different. You had to put your guts out there a little more. Yeah. We had to be a little bit more stronger than radio. Right. If you're going to come out and do radio I don't think it really works. I think for me it worked when I started opening my guts up. Yeah. And you became one with these people. You know I don't like to call them fans. We're like a family here at the church. Right. It's we're a network. You know they offer this. We offer a podcast. They offer graphic services. We have construction people you know and we all and people come and go but we've got a core. Right. You know

talking layer. We got Constantine. We got the Leon. We got Lady J. We've got you know we just got a family of people and it's fun. I have Cleo. I have a great time communicating and then when you meet him it takes the friendship to another level. Yeah. And I you never you know I did one of the early Rogan podcast where I I belittled like the social media and I belittled in the beginning and I had to eat my words. Oh yeah. I really learned that there's a certain energy I had with people RJ Stratio from Chicago. I have this energy with different people. If I didn't mention you it's because I got the gun to my head. You have a relationship with them on energy alone. Oscar Nunez. But it's so cool because like let's let's say we go to your show. If someone says hi

to me I'll be like oh hi nice to meet you. But if they're like if I'm talking layer you're like oh shit we've talked for hours. Like I can't wait to someday go to North Carolina and meet Jim the Desquad Desquad Charlotte guy. Yeah. He fucking every two weeks he tweets me how you do only. So I can't wait to go down there and meet him and it just I was so excited when I met no Susquehanna. Oh yeah. Susquehanna. Like holy shit you're real. It's really amazing and there's times like I get up at three and I'll tweet a song and somebody that I'm friends with online. I don't have to know background on them. I just know how they approach me if they're a gentleman. Bill Hoyt tonight hit me and I hit him back this guy and we went back and forth. You know people don't believe

I communicate with them. I got a call from Felipe's Barza's girlfriend Lisa. She goes you really got to do me a favor. You got to make a video of you in the morning tweeting. Because I don't believe people really believe that it's you. Because I talked into somebody and I think you hired somebody. I can never hire somebody. It wouldn't be. I want to connect with you. I think there's an energy in our fingers and sometimes I'm talking to certain people. I was talking to a girl tonight about a kid. She has a situation with a child. We're talking about that. You know it's really amazing and I'm blown away by it. Yeah well that's somebody's job now by the way. Social media experts to go in and tweet for companies and it's every six months there's a

there's a big like someone tweets something into the wrong account by accident. Like fucking American Airlines a couple months ago tweeted a porn picture. When you're not doing it yourself you just leave yourself open to a lot of shit. There's always a scandal. I don't want somebody in here. I wouldn't want because I don't I'm cheating them. Yeah I don't tweet. If I don't have time to tweet or I can't focus on something to tweet you. I don't mess with it. I just don't mess with these people. They mean something to me and I mean something to them at certain times of the fucking day. I got ninety a thousand people said to me hey man how was your knee surgery. Let me tell you something. These people were not just trying to say hey Joe I always need to be

cute. Right. They really sincerely felt it. Yeah. They had knee surgery and I know that's how they felt. I wasn't even out of the fucking hospital in the hospital. I checked in people like hey man I didn't post pictures up. We're part of something. We're really part of something. I'm part of an invisible fucking mafia. Yeah. This is the invisible mafia. We don't have jackets. We don't have pens. We don't have nothing. We just go on the same wavelength in our mind. Do you guys ever get high or just think about like what's next because no one ever predicted podcasts and like it's just like I wish I wish I was like I knew what was going to come next. I would totally blow everything out of the water. Yeah. So we could get the jump on it. I know. I think it's going to be more intimate.

I love for this to become more intimate. I love that I can have screens and hand people you know just something. Yeah. I wish it does. You know I wish it I wish this blew up to a bigger level but I gotta tell you something. Me doing this podcast keeps me sharp as an individual. It keeps me sharp as a human being. It keeps me sharp as a performer as a comic my jujitsu because now I gotta back what I talk about. The other day I found myself driving and I pulled over to pick up a piece of ice cream wrapper. You pulled over to pick up an ice cream wrapper? It was 10 feet from me. It was 10 feet from me. I'm part of something. I'm responsible for something. Before I got here tonight I saw a black lady beating her kid right outside the Puerto Rican daycare on my house.

I had the responsibility to call the police and I didn't because I don't get in the habit of that but we're part of something and if I'm sitting here telling you guys you gotta wash your asshole you gotta wash your fucking asshole that means it starts with me. If I'm sitting here telling you leave did you go to the fucking gym today? It's because I went to the north Hollywood park and the kettlebells and walked around. I might be a fat fuck but I got out of the house and got some sun. If I tell you guys I go to Jiu Jitsu. I go to fucking Jiu Jitsu three times a week. I'm 51. That means you should be fucking doing something. If you're fucking 27 you should be doing something. If I'm 51 and I'm 100 pounds overweight so I'm not gonna sit here and bullshit you people.

This has made me a better individual doing this podcast. Maybe a better human being. It's made me accountable like that my fitness plan. It's made you accountable. We talked about this with you. You juiced it first. After six months you met the girl. You ate a enchilada. There was no coming back. You were never gonna juice again. I used to bust your balls. He would juice for two days and I'd see him depressed. Yeah I did it for a month and then I just couldn't do it. I have such a stupid question. Hi question. When you say he was juicing do you mean a juice cleanse or like steroids? No no no no. I know I did a juice cleanse for 30 days and I lost a bunch of weight but it's what Joey said earlier. There was no accountability. I still didn't realize about

calories so it was slow. How easy is my fitness plan? My fitness plan is great. I've seen you. I've seen me fucking around me and they go let me buy you a steak. I'm gonna go home. I've seen it that he's concerned because now he has to walk around for 400 fucking calories. Right. That's different than juicing. There's no value. There's no fucking value. There's people that want to do comedy and they want you to coach them but they don't want to get on stage. You know because they have a fear of getting on. They want to really be prepared. Just get on stage and then I'll prepare. I'll prepare you after you get on stage because then you'll know what the fuck I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying? So you have to do and that's what this has done for me. It's made me

be more aware of my surroundings. Me and that's what the podcast has done for me man. So I appreciate that one person listens. Yeah. I appreciate it. One person would listen. It's amazing. Well it's really cool. There's like a sub network now of like there's a ton of listeners of their own podcasts. Like there's like a ton and I see it on Facebook all the time. People will go come be on my podcast just like their friends and it's like just because it's I think it's really cool. I mean who cares. Maybe they only have four listeners. Who gives a fuck and a month don't have six and another month they'll have eight. Yeah. They're talking the truth and they're committing themselves to this. It'll work out man. This is why you know. Well what's his name. The guy who

who lost his house and then they all did. They did a 24 hour like the second 24 hour podcast and they raised money to get him back in the house. Mitch Nutter. Yeah. Yuck nasty. Yuck nasty too. And so it's so and it's it's interesting how there's like different groups like there's the Desquad people and they all listen to each other and then then Marin's kind of by himself and then there's the Nerdist people and then there's the Kevin Smith people. Kevin Smith is I just saw the trailer today at the movies. He has a podcast movie coming out. Yes. Like a movie about a guy who does a podcast. They thought of the idea on a podcast. Really. Yeah. If you listen to it's like a Smodcast episode with him and Mosier like

they come up with this idea because they see an ad where a guy wants a roommate a lodger. You can live for free. Here's the catch. You have to dress up and act like a walrus. So it turned out the ad was a joke but they didn't know that at the time. So they start going crazy. They're like imagine what kind of person is this guy. Imagine how creepy it would be. And it just got crazier and crazier. And now Tusk is coming out. It's like a movie based on a fucking podcast episode. I'm so excited. Plus I saw the trailer today and I love Kevin Smith by it because he was supposed to retire. Wasn't he after the hockey movie? He did Red State and he's going to do a hockey movie and retire. And then I saw this. It's like a horror thriller podcast movie. I'm like

well that's kind of crazy. It's like they came up with it. Sorry. You never know where this is going to go. When you started doing a dirty show podcast with Sam you had no idea. Now you're doing it twice a week there. It's on AM radio. You know people listen and you wonder when do people find time to listen to all these podcasts. Because they just don't listen to church and to playboy. Right. On a dirty show they listen to Mark Marin. They listen to the Nerdist. They listen to Rob Kelly. They listen to Jim Florentine. I mean where do they go. And then it's always crazy too to see like the people that listen to New Yorkers. Like what are the other shows they listen to. And just to see like what makes people choose what shows. What is it that makes people

connect with some shows. Yet I listen to a ton of podcasts and love them. Love them. Love them. So you know I believe in this medium. I wanted to be a part of it. Anyway I could be. I'm just really happy that Lee talked me into doing the church early mornings and now we get you know like I switch it around. I like variety. I don't want to be stuck. Like Monday we'll do a 6 AM one the next Wednesday. We got an author a writer from movies. We'll switch it around. I like these 8 o'clock ones. What the fuck are we competing with on Wednesday night. I'd rather watch this shit and get some laughs and smoke a number and go to fucking sleep. That's it brother. It's a beautiful fucking thing we're doing. Let me give you some shout outs real quickly.

We're moving right along tonight. Fuck suckers. We got Jerry Quintanilla. We got Acknolly surgery. Dan Pazzini look. XP420 DJ. My main man Whiskey Tumblr. Jesse Leon. Justin Evans. And Sentinel Radio for publishing a nice little fucking thing for that. That's how we do it. That's how you feel. I'm a little hot. I'm not sad. No I've just been. I've had this idea for about a year. What's your idea? And I don't. I don't think it would work or I don't know even now how to go. But my like my high school had a high school radio station. Right. And I've been thinking ever since I stopped working a full-time job. I was like what can I fill my time with. And I want to go to like Van Nuys High School or North Hollywood High School. Like not a

richer one but one that probably has kids who don't lose parents. Don't make that much. And do like a podcast club. And I don't even know if you could do that with somebody. I don't know if they let random people in the schools anymore. Right. But I just thought it would be cool for like the kids to produce it. And it wouldn't be that expensive for the school system to produce. Can a normal dude roll up to a school and say I have some microphones. Round up the kids. Yeah. We're going to have a club. I just thought it would be because it's kind of cool. I was looking up to I was looking up to go to a college where I majored in like TV production film. And like it's cool that that exists. A lot of people go to state schools and they don't have

those programs. And like I just thought it would be cool to go into like like you always see those movies like the white teacher goes into the black school and they teach them how to like to write the poems and I don't know. I just had to be cool to go into like a lower lower income school and have a podcast club. Oh my God. I don't know. I get high and think of weird stuff. So you want to go into the ghetto. Yeah. Seriously. This is it. Yeah. This is it. I'm Sergio B. The Flying Jew. Yeah. He goes into a school. He fucking teaches black kids on a podcast. Yeah. They jump up and down and they have gang wars amongst the podcast. They draw fucking signals. I don't know. Michelle Fife. Everybody's done those. You get you get me a high and I start thinking about stuff. Michelle

Fife is awesome. You never know man. I wish I always that's one of my dreams to go back to North Bergen and maybe do like an acting comedy type thing to introduce kids to it. Yeah. But I never got into I didn't know I had this available to me. I never knew I could go into New York take an acting class and do a theater. Right. I didn't know. I thought that you were born into this. Yeah. Kirk Douglas's nephew. I didn't fucking know that. And I guarantee kids don't know. And I just like to go over there one day and go look. You know I know a couple acting teachers in New York and this is what you do. You have to get headshots and go. But the most important thing is you got to get involved. A lot of people want to act but you have to get involved. You got to

hang out with your peers. You know. And people just don't even know where to start. Like your cash is Morris. Yeah. 14 year old kid. Holy shit. Who's amazing. So cash is you know you never get into the building because you're not a teacher. Yeah. And you're not certified in the days like today. You know they don't know if you're showing up with fucking M&M. You got a missing finger under your long jacket. You got to look at it from their perspective. No I know that's why I don't know how to even go about it. And nowadays bro you can't even touch these kids. You can't go good job. Right. But just because you can't really do it doesn't mean you can't make the movie. That's true. Okay. Based. This movie is based on real thoughts that we had.

Actual real thoughts. That's good. You know I've always you know. Well yeah because you were gonna coach a basketball team. And I was just I was talking to Paula because she went to school in Englewood and she told me like kids never showed up and it's just it's and I dated a girl back in Boston who taught in a bad area and she was telling me like kids would throw chairs and it's just like I was so lucky where I went to school that like I had all the opportunities and it's just it's crazy. It's crazy when you think about that like your daughter Mercy if she was born 30 minutes down the road in Compton like that. Like can you imagine like what like her entire life would be different. It just I don't know when I get high start thinking about crazy

stuff. You know it depends on the area of the schools. It's amazing the amount of taxes we pay and how many children's programs they've cut out. Yeah. I can't even start to tell you the advantages I had as a child from the city. Never mind what your parents or leagues just in the city leagues where you went you got put on a team you got a t-shirt and you play their games not the game they took out for pizza and you got a trophy. We've cut out that program now. Of course 200 bucks. Of course 200 bucks you got to pay the kid sneakers. You got to pay for all their trips if they take a bus insurance. These parents don't have it. We're paying all these fucking taxes. When I was a kid you had 10 different football things. You had PAL baseball. You had regular

city baseball and then there were the leagues that you had to pay for. The specialty leagues they've always been around but your city always offered stuff. That's all gone. I go to that North Hollywood park and I look at the board and stuff. Basketball leagues $65. Your kid's fucking seven. Where's he gonna get $65 from? You know it's just amazing and this is what we've cut out. You know the city you still when I was a kid the city would take you to Yankee Stadium. New Jersey. They would rent buses and give you salami sandwich and take you to Yankee Stadium. Those things cost now. Your taxes are fucking higher than ever. What are they doing? They're going to the moon. They're helping everybody. They should help. They're sending sand to fucking

Arabia whatever so they can have sand so they can play soccer. They can play fucking. Did you read that? They cost $2,000 per pound of sand to ship it to Iraq so the soldiers could play volleyball. Are you serious? What? Yeah you know shit like that. You sit there and go are you fucking crazy. Look at that the desert. Yeah $15 billion on spaceships and shit. Did you see that article that the one where you saying the cop pulled the mom over? It was on CNN the next day. I told you. Well what? What story is that? You know the other day I'm watching uh I'm today Dian Sawyer was the last performance and last night was Chelsea and I watched that last night. All those poor unfunny comics around the fucking work. It's gonna be a real fucking they'll be sucking

dick in two years all those fucking fake comedians. Unbelievable. They were all depressed in the back the fucking gravy trains over cock sucking. You guys said a couple funny things on stage. We're getting six seven grand and they went to see it. They realized you weren't worth ten fucking dollars parties over for those fucking dead beats. But no yeah there's this story in Texas that like this cop pulled over a mom and kids because like the car matched the description of like an actual robbery. Am I lying to you? I had 20 comedians on last night. Three of them were funny. The rest of them are junk. You can see them all depressed. It's over cock suck. It's time to write jokes and put away the fucking ukuleles and all that stupid shit. Time to do real fucking jokes

like us. There was one death squad person there. How embarrassing was that? One death squad for Brodie Stevens with a fucking bikini on the fucking medication. He was okay for fucking an hour and a half that fucking nutcase. I love him though. I didn't even watch it. Isn't that crazy? I just I was holding my leg up and I was going through the channel. I saw more and she got everybody there. Yeah she had fucking everybody there. It's amazing. I saw it all over Twitter and then fucking Diane Sawyer quit today. That's who should have had a party. That's who matters Diane Sawyer that bitch. Yeah I think you're like the only person who watches the news. I can't remember the last time I watched like the local news in the morning. I can't even imagine. I watch it for the traffic.

You gotta be ahead of the fucking traffic. You gotta know where to go where not to go. How do you find that yesterday closed because of the Emmys? You're going downtown to pick up the wife and you got fucking traffic because the Emmys. You don't know that shit. Meanwhile you're whistling. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Fuck you the Emmys. I ain't going you don't know if Obama's coming to town. That fuck that fucking douchebag shows up for three fucking days. He's not even running again. He keeps having these benefits with showing pan and all these fucking people jumping up and down giving them fucking money. They'll never be a black president again. It's over for them. They never better tell those fucking young kids you could be president.

This is never happening again. I knew it was a bad fucking idea in the beginning. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. All these people changed. All these people are hiding for fucking cover now. Changing your fucking Prius and the fuck out of here you fucking dummies. And I got felonies. I can't even vote and I'm telling you they'll never ever ever. If you're black do not tell your kid. He ruined it for all black people. He ruined it for Spicks, everybody. I wouldn't vote for no. There's a white country where we put these fucking people in that fuck. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. There's a white country with the fuck. You know that already? They want to come along. Johnny come later. Romney was a piece of

shit too with that little Eddie Munster assistant. That's the thing. Eddie Munster. There's two people in this country who won an election by anything else but true love. And that was Clinton who won the election with the MTV. He dipped into the MTV crown. He won an election. Clinton did the job. So finally some guy came through. This fucking guy. People voted out of the sympathy thing. I'm not racist. We can have a black president. That's what it was. And all these Gentiles from Calabasas and Santa Monica. They're the ones that got taken. They're the ones that got taken. He might have been a good dude and shit. But he wasn't ready. Look at the proof is in the fucking pudding. Everybody's fucking unhappy. I'm fucking lies here. Everybody's fucking unhappy. Everybody's

fucking unhappy. They're making new ISIS. One of these fucking people come through. One of this gang fucking start. So you know the proof is in the pudding. I'm not talking on a line. Why is ISIS Obama's fault? I don't say everything's fucking Obama's fault. They were there around when fucking Obama signed up. No. They're around now. They're around now. You see that there's a lot of Americans getting killed over there. Like going over there and fighting them like Tia. Thumb fucks. Oh my god. Switching fucking governments. They deserve to get what the fuck they get. They can't switch fucking governments to go over there and fight these fucking Abdulis. You're never going to go fight for Cuba? Why? I live in Studio City.

I ain't ballin' nobody. Fuck Cuba. Last time they called for Cuba, what'd they do? They left their dicks on the dirt. Thirteen thousand Cuban soldiers. Kennedy left their dick on the dirt. Finally, he paid him. He paid. He bailed. You know, he was a blue dog Republican, Democrat. Whatever the fuck you call that shit. So a lot of people don't know. He bailed out with his own money. Thirteen hundred Cuban people out of the Cuban jail in the Bay of Pigs. Really? Yeah. It's Kennedy. I mean, a lot of people don't know that about fucking Kennedy. But what? Right now, if you're black, do not tell your kids you're going to be the president of the United States. I'm talking to you right now. I'm sorry. And if you're Cuban, Puerto Rican, Dominican, that goes for

you too. Maybe a Chinaman. Maybe. So how far did he set him back? What could look like a black person? Three thousand fucking years. Okay. Could they at least be like, no, it's like when you bring my name out to Comedy Central. Before you say Diaz. No. No. Anyone with Joey? No. Joey, anything. They don't even want to talk about it. That's true. I ain't gonna lie to you people and tell you that people are excited right now. Sorry for that breaking news, everyone, but Obama ruined it. It is what it is. Obama ruins it very well. Don't think we got a short maybe. Maybe in 20 years, a black guy might show up. Sweep the country off its feet. Yeah. Oh, that's a little like a little Marko. Fuck that. So it's like a fucking CVS.

What's happening to lead you bad motherfucker? What are we doing tonight? I don't know. I don't know what you want to do. We're doing everything. I don't want animal tranquilizers. You need some. How many calories you got left? I got, because I lowered my calories today. I think I got like 300 or 400 left. How do you lower your calories every 10 pounds? Every 10 pounds. I'd ask, see if you want to. Yeah, I have, they gave me 16, 15. I've had 12, 67. So I don't know what that math is. Yeah, I'm really trying to not eat at night anymore, because that was the worst thing for me. So last night I went to bed hungry, which I used to never do. An apple. But even that, I'm trying not to do. Two apples. Two apples, and I'll kill you,

but when the morning, when you wake up, the first thing you wake up, when you put that cough into your lips, you're going to feel a little shit warm coming out of your ass with no hesitation. Two apples before you go to bed, it just comes out at night. Or you would, bloop, bloop. Well, I've been pumping that fiber like a savage. And you're ready to go, you finish your coffee, you mesmerize. If you're like, woof. I just took the morning shit. Thank God I ate those apples. I was actually scared today when I got home, because you have to take fiber twice a day, like the stuff I got. I was like, I'm going to get high tonight. I don't know if I should take this. Like, what happens if I get too

high and I have to shade it on, like, during the podcast? But I just had the guy who said, fuck it, let's see what happens. His face is getting red, the juice coming out. Oh, it's coming. Yeah, that's how I could tell that it's real. That's the man, that's the man. That was a real thought. It's coming. Ricky Paz, what's your dating system? So, do you have a day job? You just do them. Oh, no, no, I don't have a day job. So what do you do? It's pretty great. I just, I work on the naughty show mainly, but I do comedy. I just, I've been doing a lot with podcasts, basically. And Gareth Reynolds and Evan Mann started a show point versus point. So I'm producing that.

I go and when they record, I'm not on it. I just like, I take notes because I edit it. I'm really big into editing. And I just bought equipment. I've been saving up for it. And I'm really excited. Two Shure SM58 microphones and an H6. So I'm about to start some stuff. Yeah, maybe in the next month or two. I'll let you guys know. We'll love to be on it. Jump up and down. Tell you about this fucking show. That would be pretty great. To get Chinese food cocksuck. I'll burn you with a disease cigarette. And a fucking neck. Santa Monica for China. What's the name of the joint? I don't even know. And what's the specialty of it? What's so good about it?

No, I just, okay. So when I, when I get really into my diet, I start going to Yelp and just searching things for it to look at pictures. You imagine this fucking manook. Yelp. No, fuck you. I'll just like last night, I searched the strangest. Stranges. You don't fucking know. These guys eat hummus. None of the two reviews, if there's 700 reviews and it's four and a half stars. Yeah. Is it that sheep? That's called sheep. So go ahead. Drop it on me. No, I don't know. We found it a few months ago. I don't know. What's the name of the place? It's in the third street problem. And you're going to go down there and park and do all that shit for Chinese food. Yeah. All that drama. It's not that much drama. Okay. Third street problem on a Sunday is no drama. You're

just going to go down there and park and walk hand in hand like nobody's business. I did, I did it for the crepe class. Friday night, I parked on the street. I didn't park in the, in the, in the lot like a sucker. I found a meter and we just walked. It was nice. How long was the walk? Yeah. 10 minutes. Yeah. Oh boy. But it's Santa Monica Friday night. Who doesn't want to walk holding hands? Yeah, good. You want to walk holding hands? Fuck yeah. Did the walk there and back make up for the creeps? No, fuck no. They made their own Nutella. That shit was delicious. This lady made her Nutella from, she made croissants from scratch for before the class. Are you serious? I would kill. Have you had a, have you had a, what's the donut croissant? It's a

strudel? Danish? No, no, no. It's like this guy in New York made it up. It's a, and they take a croissant and they just put like the donut grease. It's fucking amazing. There's not, there's not enough fat people. You gotta make a fucking donut croissant now. Let me look it up. You're going to look up donut croissants. Yeah. My, my, Crohnut, that's what it is. Oh, I have heard of that. Yeah, everyone says it's fucking amazing. Yeah. Oh my God. I would kill somebody for those right now. That sounds pretty good, I guess. You ever have a Crohnut, Joey? Fuck no. Did you guys go to the Orange County Fair at all? No, but I was looking at it. It's expensive too. It's like 70 bucks to get in. Something crazy about that. No, it wasn't,

no, well, I mean, maybe between a few people. I think it's only, oh, maybe for tickets to things, like the shows and stuff. Oh, oh, it's pretty good. Okay. No, it was still like, I think it was more than 10, less than 20, I can't think, maybe 12. But I guess, but that's not, I didn't get to see any of the bands or performers or anything like that. So that's probably 70. How was the fair? Dude, the fucking food. It was out of control. It was out of control. Did you get fried dough? I got, did we get fried Oreos? Oh, I've never even tried that. Oh, they're really, really, it's like Zapolas, but with the Oreo in it. Oh, no, I've seen it. I've seen it on TV, but like, I, I took Paula to get fried dough and she never had it before.

It's really good. They're sending it in the powdered sugar. What was this at? And bought it when I went to take it to Boston last year. Who doesn't like fried dough? I love those fucking Zeppelies. Yeah. Oh my God. When I was in the sixth grade, seventh grade, I'd walk from the 22nd and central part, central avenue in the city to like 18th street every morning. I get a bag of Zeppelies, a long piece of Italian bread, a stick, a hotel bar butter, and a 64 ounce Coke. And that was my breakfast in the sixth grade. Oh my God. And that's many fried dough, right? Oh my God. I'm jumping from the bottom like a fuck with sugar on them, powdered sugar is all over your fucking face. I wanted to say something today. You should shake the bag.

Oh yeah. This guy was drinking a two liter Coke in the gym lock room and I was like, come on, man. That's weird. Yeah. Fuck, let him die. Fuck him. Let him drink Coke and die. Disgusting cocksucker. We gotta stop somebody from dying. He wants to drink Coke in there. Fuck him. Was he fat? No, he wasn't. In shape. Yeah, medium. Yeah. He was just jealous. He was like, fuck. Fuck that mother. Fuck that punk doing push-ups and drinking cocks. I gotta walk up and down like a fucking moron just to burn 400 calories to go eat Chinese food on a fucking Sunday. I like fucking love Coke. I drink so does a huge addiction, but I would never bring it to the gym just because I would feel like, don't I look like a fucking idiot right now? Don't I look insane

right now? Yeah. That was one of the hardest things that a lifestyle changed was the soda. Did you cut soda out? I cut soda out when I went to Weight Watchers and now it's very hard to drink a Coke like a real Coke. It's probably way too sweet now, right? It's fucking terrible. That's what everyone says when they stop. Oh my God. I ain't even died of Coke. I've cut it out, you know, but I'll tell you something. There's just some food. Like when I go home to Chan's, that fucking, you could only eat that with a can of Coke. Yeah. That type of Chinese food only calls for a can of Coke. You know, there's like chicken calls for white wine and sovereign young blunt, I don't know nothing about that shit. I do know that pork, spare ribs, Chinese stuff,

they call for a can of Coke. And one of those glasses of water, the brown glasses of water, what the fuck? I like that. With the Cokes, with the Chinese restaurant, you got to drink on ice with a straw. Okay. That's what it calls for the straw because you got to do three of those cans. Oh, yeah. That actually, that's how Jewish I am. Paula knows if I go to a restaurant and I order a soda and they bring the can out, I get pissed off because that means it's no free refills. I'm not going to get any more. Oh, you know what? I'll sacrifice it for the real Coke. Okay. I'll sacrifice it. There's only one person who has real Coke out there. That's delicious McDonald's, but a lot of ice cubes that Coke burns your throat. That's delicious. Do you remember the little bottles,

the eight ounces? Yeah. That was the specialty. They put more oxygen in those. So when you drink them, that's why they burned your throat. Come on guys. Do you guys ever get that Mexican Coke? I got it once out here and I never got it again. Never again. No. Everyone's like four bucks a bottle and it's real sugar. It's real sugar, but it's not like the most people. Like it's what people said about in and out. I like a burger, but people like hype stuff up so much around here. I had Mexican Coke. It tasted like sweet Coke. It's all these burgers. I love a good burger, but we've forgotten about what a burger is. It's like a slice of pizza. It's like a slice of pizza. It's exactly what they call a slice of pizza. What's a pizza place I like in Hollywood that they have one in,

they have two of them on Hollywood and no, it's on Selma. It's up by Highland, I think. I don't even know. I don't know. I used to go there. I seen the owner at the comedy store the other night, but here's the problem. He's from the East Coast and he makes a nice slice, but the problem is I go in there all over the slice and he has to give the piece of paper to the Mexican chef, but the Mexican chef makes you sit down and the slice became a 10 minute thing. That's not what a New York slice is. A New York slice is as you're taking my money. I don't care if you took money and put it on my pizza. I don't give a fuck. Put it in the oven, cook that motherfucker. That's what it is, a slice on the move. That's why you eat a slice, but everything he has been changed.

Unami burger is a great burger, but why should I pay $15 for a burger? Why should I pay $15 to get a little spoon of dipping sauce? Why else? That took the whole thing of what an American burger is. An American burger is a piece of meat that you buy a pound of and you get bread and you put cheese on it and bacon and ketchup. Why should it be $15, Lee? It shouldn't be, but he called me and he looked to tease me because he knows I'm on a diet, so he'd be like, where would you get a burger right now? And I said a place. He's like, what would you get on? And I said, if I'm going to really tell you what I really want, and I love putting an egg on it now, what they're doing, and he went off for like five minutes, like you don't put fucking eggs on it. Why? Why? Who put

an egg on a burger? It's fucking amazing. That's weird. No, that doesn't count. We're doing something else. We're doing something else. Everybody wants to put a bun, a different bun, a pretzel butter bun. Yeah, pretzel. I don't want to mix pretzel with burger. All this shit to make everything better, but they're making it worse. It's like if you read the Keith Richards books in the school, talks about music and all, there's no more live albums. We have forgotten how to make the live album because we made it too technical. And all you got to do is put two fucking mics on the bass drum and why everything can go. We've forgotten that because they made everything too complicated. A burger's a pound of fucking meat seasoning, right? Some onions, you toast the bun,

you fucking flip it, and you put fucking cheese on an onion. What kind of cheese? Well, American. That's all you put on there. There's no cheddar unless you go to prison. How to dare you. Unless you're in welfare. That's what this fucking money is. I like cheddar. Cheddar cheese. Cheddar fucking cheese. This is what I got to deal with. This is the whole truth. From cheddar to fucking ranch, the whole fucking you. They're disgusting. And then you look around and you see what is kid to float. Because they eat fucking ranch dressing with everything. It's a cheeseburger, bro. With fries and that's in the soda. What is all this shag? What is all this shit? What is all this? We're piling on. So make me pay $18 for the simplest

fucking thing on earth. When I came from Cuba, I looked at a hamburger and a cheeseburger and a hot dog like it was gold. If I ate enough of these, maybe I'd be lucky to become an American. Oh, you should hear this. So I got, I had turkey hot dogs last week. Oh. He mentioned it for like you're from Boston. People from Boston don't eat turkey hot dogs. That's what he's fucking. That's what he's fucking gentile. He's waspy fucks. I'm going to favor my cholesterol. Shoot yourself now. It doesn't start with a hot dog. You're fucked. A nice Oscar mind. Nice doonman's hot dog. A nice fucking. What's the other place that they sell like rouse? Natants. You take the beef hot dog. It's as good. So what you can find the mice tail in there. That's the whole flavor.

It's like eating ass with pussy hair on it. So that's the flavor in your asshole. Just if you're going to do it, do it. Turkey fucking hot dog. If you're going to do it, do it. I can see a turkey burger. They're delicious with some mustard and some onions and mushrooms. A nice multi grain ball. But think of a turkey burger. Americans died. Thomas Jefferson died for us to fucking eat. And you're reading a turkey fucking hot dog. Never again. Throw those things out in the garbage can. They go right in the fucking garbage can. No turkey. If you if you're a part of the church, there's no turkey dogs. There's no Starbucks coffee. That's for fucking faggots too. You drink fucking black coffee with sugar. That's it from 7 11. The Bolivia. They

can have cream. No fucking you want cream. It's in your nut side. That's cream. No fucking cream. Cream is for fucking girls. Amaretto flavored coffee. We're men. We're fucking men. We drink fucking coffee. The fuck is wrong with people. We've gotten soft and it starts with all that shit and it carries over. It carries over. These people you see with the cup close to their heart. They have to show you. They went to Starbucks. Oh my God, oh with the fucking water. And you're out trying to enjoy a coke and they show up with all this water and stuff and facial listen. You spent $8 for that fucking thing moron. Again, show me the fucking glacier. Show me the glacier where you got that fucking water from.

Some fucking yam filled that up with a fountain and you paid $8 because it's electro charged. It's going to burn galleries. Holy shit. Oh my God. I never knew you were so upset about. I am because as a society we're going for hook and sinker. We're falling for this shit as a hook and sinker. And you know what they really overpriced? The 100 calorie snacks. I had to stop buying them because they like I bought a thing of 100 calorie goldfish. It was like four bucks for a pack of six. And I went and I bought a bag of regular ones and I just have to count them out now. But it was like a dollar. Why don't you buy a box of Oreos and put two in a bag. No, I can't. No one can eat two Oreos. Yes, you can. No, you can't.

You're at least eating one sleeve. No one has two Oreos. That's an animal. That's a normal person. Nobody else. Not like people like you and I. If a person eats two Oreos, I think they're sociopaths. Listen, if people can eat two Oreos. If people see you and me walking from behind the over shooters and put us in a cage, understand me? We can't eat that shit. So you have to make a compromise. I just don't eat them. I just put them in a baggie and lock them up and just take two. Lock them up? What? My wife buys those Vienna fucking corkies. I love those things. But I'll eat one every two nights. Every one cookie as you're walking by. I can't do it. It's one or nothing, but you're saying you can't have it in the house because you can't stop.

I should have wake you up like the Coke used to wake me up on it. Two in the morning you hear those cookies calling you Lee. Fuck yeah. Lee. If I had cheese, cheese is the only last two hours in the house. Oh, I love cheese. That's the problem. She likes them too. I gotta vote cheese. Well, look, I'll say this. I don't know anyone that could just eat two Oreos. Thank you. But I do think it's reasonable that most people eat one donut, right? We have to start doing two donuts. When I went away watching and I learned. You're sneaking another donut in. You have to make compromises with yourself. To dung and donuts number one, two donuts. If you don't lose weight. If you don't lose weight,

there's nothing wrong with two donuts and you're absolutely right. It's the 19 donuts. There's nothing wrong with two Oreos, but us as human beings and as responsible adults, that's what we have to do. We have to eat two cookies. And if you do it, it's a discipline. It becomes a discipline. And that's what this is all about. A discipline. It becomes a discipline. Just like anything else. I'm only gonna eat two fucking cookies and then I'll eat an apple. Oh, I want two more cookies. I'll eat an apple. I don't want an apple and I don't want two cookies. It's a compromise. Life is a fucking compromise. I won't suck your dick tonight, but I'll tickle your nutsack. It's a compromise. You know what I'm saying? It always has been.

I would love to have that compromise. I would have loved to have asked. Why do you make this so fucking difficult for? You know what I'm saying? Tickling your nutsack. It always has been. What's all that drama? Ricky Pezzel, what days do you do the podcast? I do the podcast Tuesday from three to five on PlayboyRadio.com. It's just PlayboyRadio.com. It's its own thing now. So that subscription to hear it live, but we're on allthingscomedy.com, also the podcast.

And what two days do you shoot that? We do it, we release on Wednesday and Sunday. We release on iTunes and on ATC. And we're doing the LA PodFest September 26th in Beverly Hills, and you should go. We're the slot right before Debt Squad. I'm sending a lead down there. Lee's gonna be our... I am? I'm gonna make this a spot. Yeah, because you're gonna be in New York.

I know I looked to see if you were available. That's why they're doing it well. Brian is doing it. Yeah, I think they're doing Kill Tony. I think Tony's gonna do it. Okay, yeah, that's what I thought too. They did it last year too, and they were great. We did the first year, but yeah, it's the third year now. We're gonna go this year and represent them. Yeah, you should.

Okay, I have a opinion. As well as at Beverly Hills. And they probably got Chinese food down there, some fusion. There's like a party at the beginning. You should go. Mangle. It's like everyone. Mangle. Oh, hey. So it sounds like networking, and I just... Oh yeah, it's networking.

With all your favorite podcast stars. Everyone's gonna be in a line about how many numbers they got. We get $4 million a day. Yeah. Really? Because you're number 200. Right. Oh, I plan on lying. I can't wait. It's like dick size. Everyone inflates by like $30,000. I hope so. I hope that's what everyone's doing, or I'm in trouble.

You guys won last year also. We won the first year. Last year we weren't there, but I went. I go every day because I'm serious. It's fun. I haven't been there. Oh my God. No. I should go. You totally should go. It's just, it's at a hotel, and there's like a bar there. So it's like everyone just hanging out, like all the podcasts.

Okay. It's pretty cool. And they do a stand-up show, I think on Saturday. But I think they're gonna, there's some kind of documentary about podcasting, so they might air that instead. Oh, cool. Some of the people were in. Maybe I'm in. I don't know. I didn't...

I was interviewed. I don't know if I made the cut. Don't want to make any promises. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Yeah, you should go and represent. We're going to do the Santa Monica. We're going to do the Santa Barbara Comedy Festival. We're going to do the podcast up there, but I got a movie, so we can't, we're going to do that and shoot this thing with dice,

but I can't. So I feel bad. They moved my Comedy Central shooting till the 16th for Ari's show. We're moving it to Tuesday night now. Oh, cool. And so I'm going to do the 16th at 10 o'clock, that this is not happening.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I have four weeks off and then all hell. That New York week is hell because that New York week, I got a Dodger game on Monday night. So we got to do the podcast at six. Then we got to do the podcast Tuesday because I'm leaving Wednesday morning. I get to New York Wednesday morning.

I do the stand Wednesday night. Thursday morning I do open Anthony. I do that thing on Friday and Saturday. So that's a rough fucking week in New York. You know, it's a very... But it's the second annual close the window tour. Close the window tour. That's in New York.

Shut the window. Yeah, so that's a fun little street. So I'm looking forward to it. It's great to go home. You know, I'm going to be home for four weeks. It's going to be a hard four weeks. But my wife went back to work. Yeah.

She's going back two days a week because there were two people quit. So I think all the women asked her, she said, I'll do two days a week. So now we have a new schedule. We have to take the baby out in the morning and fucking sweat her up. Five, 10, 30, because she's an animal.

You got to burn that energy off. If not, you got an animal on your hands all fucking day. Yeah, aw. You know, from 10 to fucking one, she won't go to that. I had to put it down. She wouldn't even sleep for the baby. So if she knows I'm home,

she gives the baby to the hard times. So we pick her up, take her to her bed, and I lay down when she fell asleep. It was the best 15 minutes of my life. I hang there next to her, watching her. She opens up your eyes and looks, poke her nose, and then she sings one little finger, one little finger, tap, tap, tap.

And put your finger up, put your finger down, stick it in your ass, ass. Somehow, I think you improved that last little. No, I improved that last little baby. Do you, are you starting to worry about that now? Like you can't say fuck on the phone or something? I can't say nothing. I can't say nothing.

Two weeks ago, she was saying shit. Little power in it, a little power in it, right? I said sit. Just to confuse her, I said sit. Sit, and somebody said to me, it sounds like you're saying shit. I go, I know, but it's really sit. So I had to stop completely.

I don't want to curse him. It's amazing that, like I said, you know, I read that article too, and I just erased it. I didn't even, I didn't click on it, but I was probably had one here. Because I fucking can't put a value on your child. You just work. You just fucking work.

And you do the best you can for your child, you know. We all want to provide for our children better than we had. We had a pretty fucking goodness room. Okay, nobody got stabbed, nobody, you know. So, but you have this thing. So to put a price on it, you give your child everything. You give your child your blood. So when we wrote that fucking article, it was a fucking mutt.

And whoever fucking read it, and really like, I don't know, honey, take a look at this. I don't want to shut the fuck up. You figure out a fucking way, man. If your dad and mom figured out, your dad worked on the radio for 20 years and supported you. You had nice sneakers. You went to Taekwondo.

Yeah. You wrestled, you know, but these fucking things are a budget for your child. What's a real budget for your fucking child? What are you buying? One pair of sneakers from Kmart, and you put that in there all fucking year. So that's why I get upset with those things.

There's no value, man. There's no value to make my wife happy. There's no value. I'm not going to buy a $20,000 ring, but there's no value. You know, there's no value in happiness. And then fuck all those articles and fuck the rings and all that shit. That's what we've become confused in this country. You know, I'd say that a thousand times.

I can think of all the great times I've had. And I got to say 80% of those times are growing up in Jersey when I went out with my friends with six bucks. Yeah. Oh my God. You know, those are the things. How many times have you gone out, you got money, it's a fake fucking half the, we're all going to meet and do this.

Like New Jersey parties. Yeah, they all suck. Yeah. You know, it's when you look at your friends and you get in the car and go, man, I don't have any money. We would have like $8 go take the path train into New York. It was so easy. Get a 40, and I mean 17, 18, like not fucking 21.

You go get a 40 ounce in New York. It's no problem at all. You could have a whole, they go to Grace Papaya. You could have a whole fucking weekend off of like maybe 10 bucks. It's really scary what the Kardashians have done to young girls. It's really crazy about what we think now. You know, bottle service. Like, I saw an ad for a comedy show with bottle service.

And I almost had to call you. I was like, they have them. What comedy? I mean, who would they have a bottle service at a comedy show? In the front row, they sit in the front row and they put a bottle in a thing. And the girl sits there like she's fucking special. She doesn't know, she does this three nights a week

and she's going to suck that dick anyway. Well, yeah. It's amazing. And they sit there like, look at me, I'm special. That's who you want. That's who you want to make a guy contact with the entire time. That's who, you know. I don't understand.

I don't know whatever happened to going on a Friday night and just getting three whiskey tonics at $7 a piece. It was $6 a piece. I got to buy a $15 bottle instead of a table. I listened to loud music. I can't even fucking talk to you. Well, I'm just getting a grandma blow. Vicki, let's go up in the room and eat your ass.

Whatever happened to that shit? Or a hit of ecstasy or something like that. I don't understand that. A bottle, $1,000 a bottle to sit in a table to be cool. Hit of ecstasy is a night of enjoyment for $20. For $20? Boom. You take it?

Do you plan ecstasy? No. The best times I've had doing drugs and when I called you up and said, Lee, what are you doing? I said, here, working TV. Lee, I got a grandma blow you in. I don't have any money. Lee, I didn't ask if you had money.

I asked if you were in. I'll pick you up in five minutes. I don't even have money for beer. Don't worry about it. We'll buy a bottle somewhere and we'll drink shot to them. And you make it happen. But this shit, the plan, I fucking always hated that shit. Always.

That's always bothered me as a kid. But now in society, you got to do all these things. You got to go to Starbucks and pay $4 for a fucking coffee. When you go to 7-Eleven, pay $0.99 for a Brazilian bowl and your heads stick up. Right. I do it once a fucking day. Go and get that Brazilian terrorist coffee.

It's not 7-Eleven. More and more, you go to 7-Eleven. You're like, this is a terrorist organization. It's just a matter of time. They're funding ISIS? They're funding everything. Do you know what I fucking get every day, guys? This is so terrible.

Like, I get a slurpee almost every day. I don't drink coffee, but I get that slurpee every day. And I do a little cherry. And I do mostly Coca-Cola, the 40 ounce. Oh, that's a good one. Cherry Coke. I got one this summer, like, that week when it was, like, 100 degrees every day.

I got one for, like, the first time in, like, probably four or five years, and it was amazing. But then I always, I have the straw down too far, so then the top's, like, disgusting ice. But there's a place up, I don't know if you live around here or not, but there's a place up here that has, like, Hawaiian ice that Joey took. It's like shaved ice.

It's like a 3D snow cone. It's better than a snow cone because it's not hard. It's, oh my god, I should go there tonight. And the Puerto Ricans don't get a residual one. That is, because the Puerto Ricans invented the snow cone and they're still like, they now want the coconut with the cherry and shit. They scrape that ice church.

And this is brilliant. It's closed. Yeah, it just closed. Just closed. 10 o'clock. You get the cherry coconut with the condensed milk? Yes. Oh, yes.

Good, good. Condensed milk is good. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. In the fucking middle there when you stand. I've never had it. So, like, I don't like condensed milk, but with that shit, it's fucking good.

It just works. It's, like, a frosting or an icing. Like, you would never expect. Oh, okay. It's incredible. They don't fuck around, Lee. I don't take you to places. And right next to it is that Captain Tony's.

They don't fuck on Captain Beats, whatever it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Mexican place, yeah. They got a bean and cheese burrito. And they put pico de gallo on that motherfucker. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Lee, you see, man, I'm talking about food. You're uncomfortable, man.

No, it's just really kicking in right now. Anyway, before it kicks in, I'm gonna shout out to our sponsors. Let's start with my main people fucking on it. On it, I love you. I love what you do. It's human optimization. What they're offering is fucking life.

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eating fucking nutritional snacks. That's how we roll here. So go to naturebox.com and press jelly. J-O-E-Y. 50% off your first order. Hitty6.com. I don't know what's going on. I talked to them yesterday.

I went on the website tonight and the vapor pens aren't on there. They got t-shirts on there. They've got little nails and life stuff. I got to give them a call. The best vapor pen in the business. The best vapor pen in the business. It's usually 50 bucks.

If you go to... Nailed it live. Now hitty6. Nailed it live. Yeah. Nailed it live. I said, where's the thing? You said hitty6.

Okay. Nailed it live. Where's the vapor pen at? You haven't. What, at what? Oh, I don't know. Let me look. I don't know.

The fuck, Lee? Go to naileditlife.com. Get 20% off your first order. That means you get $10 off the vapor pen. It's $40, all right? Go to naileditlife. Mention Joey, the church. A dick up your ass.

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That's how we roll. Tell you what we roll, man. That's how we roll. I'm sick and tired of fucking around with you. All right? You want to do some manning? We'll try and bless them. We'll get real biscuits when we do.

We'll get real biscuits. Holy shit. We're going to smoke some more. Reef of Vicky. Yeah. That sounds like a plan. That'll do. We'll have VK Monty, Vicky.

Oh my god. Thanks for having me, guys. We supplied this positive fucking night. Do you have anything you want to talk about? Aw. Talk to me about something. I don't know. I was thinking like with your surgery.

Like I had surgery and I was thinking about that today because I was thinking like, you know, I wonder what kind of shit we'll talk about. And I was like, I wonder if I should talk about my back because I have fucking metal rods in my back. Oh shit. Yeah. Like I had major.

That's why I'm so impressed with how like you're doing so good right now because I was, I had surgery when I was like 14. And I was fucked up. Like for a while I was in the hospital. But there's a little trivia. I have metal rods in my spine. That surprise you?

You know, things that were amazing. What happened? It was, it was from scoliosis. You know, like when they did the test on school. Yeah. We did the lean down. Yeah. Yeah.

Like so. You actually had, you looked the first person I ever met who had scoliosis. Yeah. It's like they were doing the test just to find me. So I guess something seemed a little off, but I never had any trouble. Like I looked normal.

I wasn't hunchback or anything. So then they went to x-ray me and my spine, it was like the shape of an S. It was like the freakiest thing. And I was 14 when it happened. And it was the freakiest fucking thing. So yeah, like you were saying how when you were waiting, like when you're anticipating a surgery,

that's really worse than like what's going on. What's going on? I had like maybe a month to anticipate this. Like as a 14 year old, I was right about to go into high school. So it was crazy. So initially like I was good. I stayed in for a few days.

It was like a thin pencil scar. It was everything was cool. Then all of a sudden like I got an infection or something happened where I needed three more surgeries. I missed like the first month and a half of high school. I had to go on an IV. Like I had an IV like I had to go into fucking freshman year of high school

with an IV in my arm and my medicine in like a fanny pack. Oh shit. Yeah. It was like 90, 95 fanny packs weren't cool anymore. I couldn't even play it off. I couldn't even have like a neon pink one. Like it wasn't 89.

It was fucking 95. And I had to fucking roll up all frail, you know, but yeah, I'm okay. When you were 14, that's a tough age to go to the hospital for a few days. It's tough. Yeah. And it turned out to be like I was there

over a month. I was in the hospital for like over a month. It was insane. And it was initially it was a few days and even the doctor was like, you know, you've recovered so quickly. And then you know what happened? I'll just, I don't know why I didn't just tell this. Like I was, it was maybe a week afterwards

and my back felt itchy. And I thought it was maybe because of the stitches, you know. So I was itching my back and it was the morning. I just woken up and I looked at my hand and it was like, it was red. Oh no. So I rolled over.

You had to roll over like a fucking certain way. So I rolled over and I and I looked and it looked like somebody fucking stabbed me. It was like a fucking murder scene. But I have like this crazy high strung New Jersey, Italian, Irish mom that I know. What am I going to say right now? I could give people heart attacks right now.

If I reacted the way I want to react, which is scream, you know. So I laid, I laid back down and I real calmly was like, you know, mom, like Johnny, my dad, you know. And I was like, all right, don't freak out. That happened immediately. But I'm bleeding profusely from my wound. Oh gee.

That happened to me the only time I ever had surgery. I had a birthmark on my leg actually pretty big and they, the doctors just wanted to take it off just in case of cancer or something. And I had, I'm a short dude, so I got a lower locker and they didn't tell me that like I was fine. And I bent down like on one knee to go to my locker and I heard pop.

And it wasn't even that bad. Like I don't remember it. Like nothing, I think they just popped and I had to go get the restitched. But I just remember like seeing the blood. I was like, oh no. It's terrifying. Because in your head, it's like,

like I can't possibly lose this much. Yeah, I can't possibly lose this. Like I'm going to die any second. But I didn't pass out or anything. It was, it was still pretty fucking intense. But the blood shows up. You always have, for a couple minutes, you don't know what it is.

One of the cigars was lifting and I, I jerked off and blood came out of my face. I thought it was the fucking end of the world, man. When Fidel, when Fidel was a kid, he was sleeping us on the bed. And one night something happened and he scratched Terry's face on the real night. And it was horrid.

I could, it was just horrid. You're waking up to blood everywhere and you're like, what the hell happened? Because Fidel moved and scratched the face. I just got up, saw the blood just laid on the fucking floor. Yeah. With a towel. And one time I was, I was working this chick's pussy.

Martini and Rossi wine in Seattle. With a blind bottle? With the bottle, the brothers or whatever. Marbles and James? Marbles and James. This chick was a freak. She were at this lake. I'm looking at a pussy.

I pulled the panties open. I'm massaging a little monkey. And I seen her legs burn. I took the bottle and James. I'm just playing with that little monkey with the ball. And finally I just start putting the tip in and the hips are moving and the pussy's opening up. You know how it starts to open up?

Like a monster. And I'm working that motherfucker. And I'm getting into it now. And she's like, oh, oh, and I'm fingering with this fucking bottle. And finally she was about to have a period. So the vacuum, it created, it just sucked it out. And I'll never forget how, I heard like pop.

And all of a sudden this brown blood, this dark, shot out. And I just dropped the blood. I thought I killed her. I thought the bottle broke and I stabbed the body. Oh, shit. She called into the podcast that crazy bitch in the pussy. Really?

Oh, yeah. I still, yeah, Carol. She called me her. And she was, I remember she was telling you, she got a whatever. Carol, couple tunnels? From giving hand jobs at work. She's a stripper.

Oh, oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense. I'm hysterical. She's not in insurance. She's getting married now. Again? Yes. And now she's getting this fucking moron going on.

Like I thought like, when do you tell them that you have to go suck a dick for $5,000? She has these boyfriends around the country. Like these 60-year-olds. And she goes and they put hot fudge on her asshole. She'll call me and say, this old man just put hot fudge in my ass. Tremendous.

And they give her like $5,000. And she goes back to fly. Like nothing happened. And I go, does he know about your ectica really activity? She's like, well, what are you going to find now? Why don't you tell him you're going to leave for five days? He's going to watch the kids. Right, right.

I mean, it's hysterical how this girl is a millionaire. And she's still just basically a dirty whore. And I love her. I love her for it. I can leave she's honest about it. Right. This girl is like, oh, I don't fuck her. This girl sucks dick and fucks for 100 a blown job

and 200 for a piece of ass at the strip club. She's a millionaire. She's 46. She's already been stripping for 30 years. At the same time, she's a psychology major. She's got a job at some psych hospital. But she still strips 2,000. So let's say she lives in Hollywood.

She'll drive to like San Diego to strip. Just because she likes it. She's a whore. She loves cock. She loves all that dirty shit. It's fucking hysterical. It's got to be hard to stop making that kind of money once you start.

But she's a millionaire already. Right. She married a Hindu that had a heart attack. And he left the money. She went and bought three fucking curves. And then sold them at the Hyder Curve. I thought. And made a bunch of money.

And bought homes in Michigan, Chicago, and Florida. She's got four homes, guys. So she has a job as a regular human being. But two nights a week, she drives two hours to strip where she fucks guys for 200 and sucks their dick for 100. She once told me she sucked the guy's dick and she ran out of condoms.

And she goes, I think I have a cold now. I suck the dick. I mean, it's hysterical. And it's kind of amazing that more girls don't do it. Like, I get that porn is might be like, you don't want that to get out there because porn is everywhere now. Right.

But if I'm an attractive girl going to a strip club an hour away that no one will ever know about, and you can make hundreds or thousands of dollars. I'm like, trust me, I wouldn't want any when I know to do it. But I'm surprised that we're working at a store for $8 an hour. Like, I'm like, you know. When I was 21, and I lived in Aspen, and I was a male, I was saying, if I was a female at 21, and I looked good,

I'd fuck for four years. At 21, if you have a hot body and good pussy, and you know how to fuck, you're getting 500 from old guys. Four or five dicks a night, that's 2,500 bucks. Three nights a week is 7,500 bucks. That's 30 grand a night. You work in three nights a week. If you pimp yourself out that way,

if you could blow jobs on the corner for 20, you'll be sucking dick and getting malaria and all that shit. Yeah, don't sell yourself short. Right, but if you're 21, and you look good, and you've already, when you fuck these little guys, if they're dizzy and crying and shit, if they start twitching, you got, remember like the chick that came with you? I know, yeah.

You don't need to fuck, because you're a good fuck. You know, if you like to suck a fucking dick for an hour, and do crazy shit, you're sucking some losers dick, you might as well get 500 to suck a good dick. Three nights a week, you got your regulars, they can take you out to restaurants, you look good, you're polite, you know how to eat. You're not going to have a tattoo on your neck,

and you know, I'm going to go feed my homies and my girl. No, you're a white girl or a black girl with class, you can make some fucking money. You do that for three years. At 25, you could buy a house, move to Chicago, and tell some guy you were living in Aspen, working in a hot dog stand. You would never know the difference.

You could put your life behind you. People do it all the fucking time. It's a smart and investable move. You take care of your pussy, you go to the doctor every week, you get your shots, you work out, you lift, and you know where you're going with this. If you're a woman or a man, and you have a plan with something, you know, there's thousands of girls every year that go,

I have a plan. I could keep working at this restaurant, making 150 a night. I could shake my fucking titties somewhere, and walk with three bills two nights a week. Yeah. And at the end of five years, nobody knows. I won't date nobody there.

I won't drink, I won't do drugs. I won't get caught up in that game. It's a job. And at the end of my two years, when I make $60,000 and these rest of these dumb whores are living at home, that's the mentality. But you're not going to get into it. Like, you suck a dick.

These young girls, that's how they trick you. You ever go to a strip club and you feel bad for them? Yeah. You feel bad for them. This is their life. They shake, and they have the heels, and the hairdo. They're stuck there. They're done.

They're doomed. That's doomed. But if you look at it from a certain perspective, it's not a bad fucking career. A man without a plan is not a man. Nietzsche. I like it. Fuck it.

I don't know. That's it. I mean, did you ever think about it? I mean, probably. You seem very nice. But I mean. No. I seem very nice.

Well, I don't want to offend you thinking, saying, like, you should have been in it. But it's just like, I can't imagine it doesn't cost people. Like, when you were being a bartender, you were like, fuck it, what's all night for $150? And now I have to give the bar the bar back 100 bucks. Yeah, I was a bartender. I have gone into strip clubs to see if I could bartend there.

Oh, OK. And sometimes they would say, we only want dancers. But no, it never. It just never got to that point. But, you know, I did sell pot, you know? I mean, I guess that's shady. But it's a little, you know. I don't need abs to sell pot.

Like, you know what I mean? It's like, there's looking good. And then there's a level that I think you should be to do things like that. And that would require no slurpees, no fucking McDonald's or Coca-Cola exercises to really make that cash. Plus, I got the fucking Scoliosis scar on my back.

So that's not helping matters. That's a fantasy. After I dance, you can stab me in the neck. Really? Yeah, do what you want. And I used to have, like, Mohawks and stuff. So I could have probably maybe been, like, fetishy. You know, that look, like, just wear fishnets or something.

Yeah, that's a pretty head cut. Yeah, nice size. Oh, thanks. Thanks. That's a pretty head cut. Thank you so much. You know, I had to listen. Once I sold Coke, and I did illegal activities,

it was tough for me to have a day job. Yeah, because you get money all at once. Yeah. 10 bucks an hour to deal with these jerks for eight hours a day. I'm going to go rob. That was my fucking, and it was a mistake. I was young. I was stupid, you know, but I didn't have a plan.

If I was a good thief and had a plan and said, I'm going to rob for four years, and I'm going to kidnap nobody, you know. Things will work out. How are you feeling? I'm getting pretty high now. Are you pretty high? You look good tonight, buddy.

I'm happy that you make this lifestyle change, and you're beautiful, man. I can't have you get sick and get... No, yeah, we were talking about it on the way down there. Have you ever seen... I know girls get it too, but have you seen the guys who their ankles are purple and their legs start running away?

It's, I think it's from diabetes. It just freaked me out. Oh, maybe, like, vein or bruisey looking things? Bruisey, but then, like, the worst part, like, the skin starts dying, and it's creepy as fuck. Oh, God. So, yeah, that's why I'm doing it. But I'm trying.

Oh, quickly, if you want a flying G-shirt, and I put a coupon up there, so if you use coupon code JUMYDOWN at lisaia.com, you get 10% off. Very clever, lisaia. So. I like it. Anything you like to push my love?

Besides your beautiful smile. Please listen to The Naughty Show and All Things Comedy.com. But if you're in LA, or you want to come to LA, go to the LA Podcast Festival, September 26th, through the 28th, but we're on the 26th. So make sure you're there for that. Lee will be there.

I'll have to go. Yeah, and Lee will be there. It's a great week, people. Great week of fun. We're going to do a podcast Monday at lunchtime. Okay. Because there's no sense of getting up at six. We got to...

Fuck it, sure. We got fucking... Maybe we'll do it at nine to get out of the way. So we will be on Monday morning for Labor Day. If you're lonely, you ain't got no family. You know, nobody invites you to a barbecue. You got us. I'm lonely, too.

I'm not going to have no way to go eat on Monday. So... And we'll have an early one Monday and a late one Wednesday. So thank you very much for supporting the church. I'm going to be in the Bray Improv September 18th until the 20th. And that's New York Gotham Comedy Club, the 26th and 27th of September.

That's it. So come on out and support. Have a great time. Jump up and down. And that's it. Lee's going to stay here and go to the Podcast Festival. I don't feel bad. Nice.

I'm going to go represent with this flying juice shirt. Uh-huh. So I'm going to bring some animals. I love you guys. It's a dream. Fucking go for it. Cut the shit. We love you.

Stay black. Vicky, peasant, throw them a kiss. Oh, shit. Lee Syed, throw them a kiss. There you go. Read those fucking ads. Now that the show's over, remember to go to NatureBox.com and order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off.

Snacks smarter with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to NatureBox.com, promo code Joey. That's NatureBox.com, promo code Joey. The show is also sponsored by Onit.com. Go there and use code word church to get 10% off of your order. Uh, stuff like Alibaba and New Mood, stuff like that.

The show is also sponsored by HitEcigs.com. The proof is in the e-cig, longer lasting, better tasting. Use code word joey'schurch to get 20% off your order. And to our best friends up in Northern California, naileditlife.com for the, for all the oil and wax smokers out there and they have t-shirts and other stuff like that. Go there to get the 20% off of the best favorite pen on the market and just mention Joey Diaz and I don't like that.

And to all my Jersey brothers, me and Vicky Pezza. Yes. Send you our love. We love you, motherfucker. This is the Jersey Podcast. It's a Jersey state of mind type podcast. Fuck weddings. Fuck all that nonsense and you're bullshit.

Oh yeah, that we're talking about. You get mad at the VFW and that's it. And if you're not gonna do that, go fuck yourself. Have a great weekend. Check it, Lee. I see a cool, cool guy. Shed with like a cat. And he don't get laid.

Well, you know my husband isn't fat. She's got a lot to kill. Let's get it on. She's got a lot to kill. Let's get it on. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill.

And now she's falling through. She keeps her motor clean. Who can believe me? Oh, she's a noble queen. Don't try to fight me tonight. She's looking out of my door. She's gonna turn on the juice boy. She's gonna turn on the power hearts.

She's got a lot to kill. Let's get it on. She doesn't look fat to kill. Let's get it on. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill.

She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. She's got a lot to kill. And now she's falling through. She's got a lot to kill. She was a liar, she was a liar Was she a cool, cool man?

Who was like a cat? Did you guess who gave? You might not make it back She's got a lot to kill And kill She's got a lot to kill Like a ho She got a lot to kill

She's got a lot to kill She's got a lot to kill She's got a lot to kill She's got a lot to kill She's got a lot to kill She's got a lot to kill Thank you.