Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #210 - Joey Diaz, Paul T. Murray and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 4, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by writer, director and Actor Paul T. Murray live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 09/03/2014. Music: Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song Aerosmith - Back In The Saddle Again

This show is sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks martyr with healthy and delicious treats, like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to NatureBox.com promo code JOE, that's NatureBox.com promo code JOE. The show is also sponsored by Onnet.com. Go there for afro brightening new mood, shroom tech immune, shroom tech sport, anything like that and use code word CHURCH to get 10% off of your order. The show is also sponsored by MeatUndies.com. For men's and women's high quality underwear, go to MeatUndies.com and if you go to MeatUndies.com slash JOE, get 20% off of your order.

That's MeatUndies.com slash JOE and get 20% off of your order. And for all the oil and wax smokers out there, for the premier vapor pan on the market, go to nailedatlife.com, that's nailedatlife.com. Mention JOE Diaz, the church, anything like that and get 20% off of your order. Are you kidding me or what? Wednesday, September 3rd. Roll that fucking number. Put the kid to sleep. Tell mama to shave that monkey.

We'll get down tonight motherfuckers. Oh shit. The church, what's happened now? The devil was buried in sea today. Fucked in the ass and ISIS cut his fucking head off. That's how it goes down. Catchments in the room today. What's the story there?

When don't we fuck around? We never fuck around. We never fuck around. It's Wednesday, September 3rd. Get your shit together bitch. It's a whole new fucking day by the time you get this. You'll be waking up thinking what the fuck am I going to do today? How am I going to act?

I get paid tomorrow lunchtime. You're awake. You got the world by the balls. What did you say today? You have a big dick in a whistle? I got a big dick in a whistle. That's how I'm showing up. I got an eye patch in the fucking back pocket. Just in case you need it. You have a great day. What happened?

You woke up. I'm a little sick but I'm doing better. You got to eat edibles. I told you. You wouldn't get sick if you had a couple of edibles. I have edibles almost four times a week. It's like vitamin C. I feel fucking better here.

I slept. I had soup. I drank a lot of water. What are you going to do? I drank that Campbell soup. You didn't get some hot sour soup. I got progressive. No, I don't have anything. That fucking Chinese vinegar. That'll get the flu right out of you. That's why you have to have the hot and sour. It's got that Chinese vinegar. It just zaps it.

Maybe it'll stop on the way home. It's like fucking getting hit on your dick from a crack hole. On Van Nuys Boulevard. That sounds terrible. That cures the cold? The fucking good. What's going on, Paul T. Murray in the house? That's strange. I got a little bit of a stomach flu myself.

I just been fighting over it. Since I got it last night, I was like literally had a crawl here. And I did my own little rice and chicken soup. A lot of old-fashioned stuff. But at the end of the day, a little bit of alcohol always does a trick better than anything. The Irish cure I think is always the best. That made me awake again.

Now I feel pretty good. I love it. Paul T. Murray's with us today. Writer. Actor. He's finding out it's tough to fucking make a living in Hollywood now. It happened to me. Like 2007,

I was recurring on a show and I thought I had the world by the balls. I'm like, I'm going to be recurring on a show going into pilot season. And we had a strike. And that was it. When the show came back, it was a different fucking crime scene. I wasn't involved.

It was a state of acting and what's going on in California. And everything turned around. And it's amazing how even as you people are at home, you watch TV and you see these stars on television now. They're on TV shows.

Regular people who would not work TV shows. So within that, and the movies aren't getting made, guys like you and I just don't work like we used anymore. No, it's a kind of tragedy ever since the recession kicked in in 2008. I mean, it's wiped out the middle class in Hollywood

as it did middle class in America. And the studios have become totally corporate driven which I call moron movies. Comic strip, just movies targeting

a 12 year old mentality. That's pretty much all they do now. And the middle budget movies that used to be at least artistic for adults or whatever, that money's not there anymore. And then at the lower range you have the ultra low budget stuff which is

pretty decent, but again, you can't make a living on a hundred bucks a day. Is it coming back though? Cause I know it's like AMC and a lot of the bigger theaters are starting to show more independent films or they're trying to do that. Is that helping you out at all or not really? A little bit.

But I mean, the studios have it monopolized as always. Have you thought about or have you been approached to do anything for online? Since it's, you don't really need the... No, I don't understand the whole online thing.

You know, like the web series and things like that. Yeah, it just seems like that's where stuff is going. You could probably do some stuff without the studio. I know, I just don't know where the money is in it. Do you know where the money is in these web assault things? I don't know.

The money is in the advertising. I met Paul with a great script. I think we met in 2006. I was approached by Montoya who was doing the Santa Barbara Comedy Festival this weekend. He wanted me to tape some

when I'm out of town this weekend. But I read the script and I thought it was fucking tremendous. I bugged him for a year. Montoya, what happened to that fucking movie? What happened to that movie? I had a call to do this movie Boiling Maker.

We had met. I've always been a fan of yours. You're doing what I wish I could do. Last night I bumped into Steve Runners Easy and we were talking about going on the road. Somebody was asking this and I said, you know what? I'm grateful

that I have the opportunity to go out on the road. But I'm 51. At this age I didn't really want to be carrying my own suitcase not that I wanted to be a star but I wanted to evolve into something else. And I really wanted to evolve into writing.

I really like the whole just the whole thing of writing a script the process. But I know that if you think acting is hard and fucking stand up is fucking hard writing is a fucking animal that is completely you know. Why do you think

is it because you don't get the immediate response? What's different about it do you think? Well the difference is comedy is all like short form writing. You're basically writing jokes instead of writing a script you're architecting a whole script of 110 to 120 pages

and I mean it's just it's a huge beast to conquer and do well. And I came into writing by accident I was in theater when I first came out here producing plays and acting

still doing a little stand up comedy and then I remember reading scripts I couldn't believe grown adults wrote some of them were so bad and I go I can do better than this. So that's that's how I started writing and here I am 65 scripts later

65. 65 scripts? And how how many years? 30 years. That's like two a year. 38 screenplays, pilots, plays, shorts, I mean everything. I even started back in the day where I had a writer on a typewriter

can you imagine that? Writing on a typewriter I mean you know. It's interesting especially there's some directors now some writers now who people buy everything and even if it's not good or they're buying stuff they're just remaking comic books so it's not really

it's not like the writer isn't that necessary and how is it when you're writing good scripts and stuff like that's getting put I got a huge problem with the comic strip thing just right off the bat because number one comic strips are about comic strip characters

how do we relate to them? We don't you know kids should relate to heroes like their father people their mothers human beings I want to write scripts about you know the human you know humanity human people I mean I don't care about comic strip characters they're not real they don't do anything for me

and how many more Superman Spider-Man Batman you know it just goes on on and on it's fucking embarrassing and it's just so sad it's just you cannot come up with anything else except for more on movies

it is something that I grew up in a movie theater I know what it is to to you know we didn't have the fucking computer to see what was upcoming but when you went to a movie theater and you went to half hour early to see the trailers and when you saw something and you looked at that date

and you planned around that date you were excited there is nothing that fucking comes out anymore that I'm excited about twice a year I get excited about a movie and then you go and it's a fucking six or it's a five but every more on Irania

is telling you how it's a fucking academy we settle for shit as a society now the last 15 years we have been settling for shit and entertainment you know I did the podcast Monday night and it was almost fucking hard to me to leave

the house ball team Mary because Tuesday night Monday night it went from Nick at night goes from this cartoons I got a baby so Nick at night goes from fucking cartoons at 7 o'clock to movies and the other night they went from

Peppa Pig to Splash and me and my wife are sitting there with the baby the baby is drawing and we're watching Splash and I'm fucking dying I'm watching John Candy and I'm fucking dying I'm watching Tom Anks and all of a sudden we start talking

and she goes Joey when did you see this movie and I go and I was upset I had tears in my eyes because I wanted to find the girl who made me go see that movie because it changed my whole fucking life I was like I think I could do what John Candy is doing but to make a long story short

my wife is a fucking nerd so she started going on the computer and on her phone and looking at what can you do get it from me what? you know what fucking Splash came out the same weekend as Goomies? Goomies?

it is fucking go and look at the films from 1984 your jaw will fucking drop your jaw will fucking drop July is like Ghostbusters, Purple Rain it's like three fucking movies in a row that you sit there

we don't have that no more we don't have that at all anymore so the highest grossing films of 84 are Ghostbusters, Beverly Hills Cop Indiana Jones and Temple of Doom Gremlin, The Karate Kid, Police Academy no no but look to see what came like she fucking found some

that told her what got released in February what got released in March by the weekend and she's like do you know what this got released with let me tell you I'm like holy shit like what the fuck happened to the movie industry why is it that they're making

the third series of Spider-Man like who gives a fuck if you're over 18 and you watch those movies I feel fucking bad for you I feel fucking bad for you I'm embarrassed for you you know a couple years ago that fucking kiss of

death made that avatar that movie and all these fucking Gentiles jumping up and down it's great it was a hundred how much did it cost to make that avatar I think over a billion a fucking animated cartoon a billion dollars

and they were going to give this guy the director and he sat there with Tanigale what did you do you directed a fucking comic book guy and he's sitting I loved it when they brought the Jew out of Barbra Streisand 237 million what's that the budget for that was 237 million

if you can make a bad movie we could make a good movie with 237 fucking million dollars but they're saying this guy you know I just don't understand what we've what we've become like what the fuck do we watch it's kind of disheartening because when you think

about it the only reason they make movies or TV especially TV shows is they don't cancel TV shows because they're bad they cancel them because none of people watch and to see the advertising so like it's the same thing with movies they only do it for money all these young studio

execs have it down like their new science they call it the four quads of like that you have to get in order to make a billion dollars so they basically scientifically put these movies together to hit those four quads and branding

that's their new hip word today branding branding is everything you know branding and you know and I had a guy one time an aging young kid asked me what is your brand and I go why I write I write everything I write this this this this

now I mean I don't write like sci-fi this but you know this is what I write you know he goes you know yeah but see you don't have a brand I go well my brand is good writing that's my that's my brand I don't understand what

you're telling me I have to specifically write in the crime drama because I wrote a couple of them no you know what I'm saying I think I'm a little bit more versatile than that and you know but they want to pigeonhole you know he does the you know Tarantino shit that's his branding

and I'm like no I don't want to be branded it's amazing what has happened to you know but it basically movies and I see it this thing this stuff I get to read for for the shows on TV they gotta tell you something I'm embarrassed reading the fucking lines

like I'll call my agent I'm to the point in my life now I just tell him it's not gonna work bro it's not I'm not going I love you to death I got a wife and a kid I can't do it I can't make that audition today it's it's not how many people you shoot anymore it's where you shoot

I'm not gonna drive to fucking ocean parking 545 for a coast dog to yell at some fucking fact check as a comedian I'm not doing I'm not doing that I went through all that shit but I read half of this stuff I got two weeks ago somebody sent me something for a TV show and I was

fucking embarrassed and I called Lee and I go Lee what do you know about this TV show it wasn't really popular it's a hipster show you know what I don't believe when I read three pages of it I fucking couldn't believe it and then there's guys like you that are good writers you know and you have a genre

I get the branding I like that crime stuff that you get involved in a few of those then you do some mel some perky a fucking love story I mean you know yeah I've done them all I've done romantic comedies I did offbeat love stories I've done I've done even

some big studio you know you know high concept type of scripts and then again middle budgets and I've done ultra little budget I do them all you know and just to cover you know all my bases you know because when you walk in

they may want an orange or an apple that day I want to make sure I have everything with me yeah you know when I appear I got one you know so yeah you just to me that's what it's all about is and you just got to get out there and just keep

grinding away and and believing in you know what you have and what you can do I mean and that's it baby 65 fucking scripts one of those scripts is worth a hundred million dollars you don't even

fucking know you know you don't even know it that's what they are a lot of I got my one favorite in there my personal one that I think you know is the one that could you know get me over the top as far as award winning and so forth that's probably my hardest script to sell because it's a very kind of offbeat

artsy love story and but that's the one if I could make one more movie before I die that's the one I want made how many of your scripts have been turned into films seven feature films

four plays and four short films that's fucking amazing and then for the people at home you've mentioned it twice when I moved to the city and you went for an audition this is 1997 when you went out

for an audition and your agent called your your manager your lawyer he always says he's scale plus 10 scale plus 10 as you get in scale per day whatever it is 590 plus 10% for your agent for the commission and that's what you get per day

and then about a year and a half after I got here that everything was scale or two years everything was scale I got a call one day for four something it was instead of scale sag scale it was sag something else it's their

466 or something so it was 466 a day okay you know I did three days or something whatever still a lot better people making I'm not complaining then about a year later I started getting calls for 250's that's modified 250 to a day

and you're still getting a couple of scale calls but just to let you people know at home that for the last five years you're making 1250 an hour and all of a sudden your boss says to you hey listen on the weekends

from now on when you do those things you're not gonna get 1250 you're gonna get 950 and at first you go okay now what would you do as an American you go fuck I need the job but then they come and they come 250 then one day I started getting

calls for 100 hours a day 100 hours a day which is 90 after your commission you know 80 after your dry cleaning 70 after the fucking gas the 10th of lunch so you're walking out with $50 again

I'm not I'm not I'm lucky every morning when I wake up I fucking say Lord thank you for giving me another fucking day but do you understand me this was like it was like by the way they did this to you oh by the way that movie is only 100 bucks and again you know you do them

film after a while you stop doing them because nothing moves forward there's a movie with Ray Leota and who's married to Justin Timberlake oh fuck I don't know blue something it's got the guy who won the Academy Award for Edie I mean

it's got Jessica Biel Jessica Biel her and Ray Leota are in a movie together IMDB Jessica Biel it's blue something she plays a stripper I have spoken about this movie 15 fucking times because oh the Chick from Friends is in it powder blue powder blue

read the fucking law thing cast is Jessica Biel Eddie Rene Main forest Whitaker Ray Leota Lisa Kudrow Patrick Swayze Chris Christofferson that's a hundred dollar a day movie that was a hundred dollar a day movie and when you're watching this movie

unless you live in LA you don't know it's a hundred dollar a day movie they shot it all on basically one block on Sunset and Gardner so they catch your shoplifting at the at the comics place where's the comic place we went to do the podcast that sunset and

no what's the name of it they call the shoplifting at meltdown they turn the camera around they have a lunch at the type place we almost went into to get Pad Thai shrimp they show the billboard and that's a hundred dollar a day movie so one day I was telling someone about that movie

my friend said I did that movie and I go what happened and he goes I guess they ran out of advertising money like they shot the movie but then they planned on no money no money for fucking so they were going to release that movie I mean it's got the fucking people to release it that's strange because yeah I've never heard of it

and you think you would have heard of it it's on fucking Showtime and HBO when you see Jessica Bielstrip you will fucking die when you see Patrick Squazy getting his dick sucked with a wig on he plays the strip club owner it's fucking crazy

this is like a crazy fucking movie and it's a hundred dollar a day movie you'll never know about it people don't know about it because like they said they ran out of the advertising money at the end so the movie never fucking did a thing so that's what we're up against now I had to stop doing them

because I said the more I do them I'm going to be stuck in that world in all day movies yeah plus you're not going to get residual tax because they're never going to go anywhere and so you can't make a living yeah so and that's the thing now with those but it's funny what

when I met you we were you were planning on this script and then when we came back that was one of the first one of the all day movies I ever done was Boilermaker I was one of the first ones that I had done it and I didn't mind doing it because I liked the script I believed

in my heart that something great was going to happen but there was so many more things going on in my life at the time that I always wanted to talk to you about that you didn't know what was going on at that time why this movie was so special when we shot started shooting that movie I had been on blow for three fucking days

I've never done blow again I've never done blow again never even considered doing it but it all started with Boilermaker it all started with Boilermaker because I knew that we had to shoot 18 days in a row 6 to 6 and I know that

it wasn't like well you have a couple days off here we would shoot 18 days in a row and if everybody had to be in the scene everybody had to be in the fucking scene so I'm like I'll never make 6 in the morning you know after the fourth day I'll never make it

because I could snort three or four nights I was that much of a junkie but I could snort three or four nights a week and I could keep it together for two or three days by Thursday you're going to know that this motherfucker hasn't slept his nose is leaking it would have played perfect for the role

yeah it would have worked for the role that was the most amazing thing about that movie where I always held you so close to my heart because while I was shooting that movie I was trying to get clean so I would basically leave that set at night run home eat dinner

eat a sleeping pill and go right to bed and wake up the next morning go I made it another fucking day baby well you were great I mean you were the comic relief that I wanted in that role and I remember

when I talked to Scott Montoya brought you up in court you know because I told him Latin actors in here and for the reading and so he brought you guys in and I don't normally like taking guys in blind because I you know

I don't like people to fuck up my shit so and we had already started the reading and this is a live audience in the theater it's a public reading and Joey

comes in and he sits down and literally it comes up to his line it's just like bang out of the park gone home or I'm like excellent you know this is the guy I want for it that was like

it was priceless so when it came to we eventually you know getting the money to actually film the movie there was no doubt I was using you you know so that's just it's a beautiful thing when somebody you know hits the

part like it a plane of strata various man you know I had Luis Fletcher do it in very mean men you know and that was a cool trip for me because um in 1975 I won a field field for psychology class and I saw one flew the cuckoo's nest and that's the movie

that inspired me to be an actor John Nicholson Luis Fletcher and I went best actor actor movie and 25 years later in 2000 she's in my movie again she knocked it out of the park and I was just it's a beautiful thing

when somebody plays that violin that you wrote so so nice and that was a kind of cool thing so you wrote that was the first one you saw very mean man that was my biggest movie sold at the time and that was really exciting because you know you've been doing it for so many years

and then you show up at four in the morning and it's still dark out and there's like multi-million dollar trailers and trucks there and you're just looking going like wow they're all here because I wrote that script and then you meet Ben Guzzara and and Bert Young and Martin Landau

and Charles Durning I mean you know you got legends in there and that was a pretty cool pretty cool thing plus I wrote myself a nice part because I wasn't stupid now how long did it take you to write very mean man what's it usually take you

I write very very fast I try to write fast because I want to stay on top of the story if you distance yourself you know from the script too much it's too it's too hard to get back in the groove of writing so I write like an animal and I used to write later at night I'm

good older I write more late afternoon into you know 10 or 11 but I used to get in there 10 hours a day and bang the script out sometimes in five to six weeks but my average is more like around eight weeks and that's

10 hours a day right it's eight to 10 by yourself no partners no partner no I write alone I only wrote one script ever that that I co-wrote but I I work on the script all day long like when I'm driving

and I'm out there I got notes I'm just that's all I'm doing it's all I'm doing is working on the script I don't listen to the radio in the car I'm like working on okay what do I have to do here to fix this little problem in the script so by the time I get home I don't have to waste time I've already fixed it in the car

so that's how you're I'm able to write fast is it harder without a partner because like is it easy to see mistakes in your own work I've done it a few times and I was younger but I am

I guess I'm pretty confident in what I want and I just like to do it alone I mean I obviously you know another thing I see in this town is amateurs putting scripts out there way time way before they ever need to be out there

you know I write six or seven drafts in that period of time before I even call it a first draft you know what I'm saying I go over everything and then I have people read it and then I and a lot of times I'll have readings so I can get input from everyone

so I officially want to launch it out there but you know I see scripts just recently I've read a few that just have no business being read by anyone and these people are just delusional they don't know better

plus they can't write they say stupid stuff like Interior Bar Joe and Wally walking the bar well we're already in the bar you moron I'm saying you to say Interior Bar you say and you never use a lame word

like walk you say Joe and Wally stagger in that's all you need be economical and get to the script movement and killer dialogue you know when you were here a few years what when you decide to start writing

what is it that you read what is it that you did you take in class did you read to a certain author I I didn't take in any classes I just started writing on my own I would get a hold of scripts which were hard to back in those days

in the early days I was writing episodic or sitcom specs and things like that and then plays so I would just really just learn by doing it over and over I eventually took a couple of seminars one with the famous Robert McGee

and another gentleman but all these screen writing gurus you know it's nothing's changing in a thousand years there's a beginning and middle and an end there's an inciting incident in the first ten pages that gets us hooked

with the story and you have to write real sharp brief concise narrative and killer dialogue and you have to start the scenes late and end them early and it takes a long time

to learn how to craft all that because at the end of the day screen writing is a craft it's a craft to know how to do it and again I've written so many scripts at this point I just know the shortcuts

and so forth and one other thing while I'm on that is never rewrite while you're writing because all you're doing is wasting time don't perfect the script now because you may spend two hours changing the whole scene and then when you're done with the script

you realize it doesn't even fit in there so now you just waste it all that time don't rewrite to do anything until the rough graft is done and you see that everything fits this is how, again I'm able to write fast because I don't waste time with that, just get the rough idea

of the scene down, okay this is what we call the shitty version, here's my shitty version of the scene now when I'm done I'm going to come in and hone that scene to be really slick and cool and have the subtext, it's another important thing that characters have to have subtext because people don't say what's on their mind

and seeing there's always stuff going on underneath that has to be there anyway, move along Joey always talks about going back to old notebooks and rewriting jokes, do you ever go back to an old script and change it or do anything like that? yeah, I mean I'm nuts about it

I don't even like picking up a script because I'll go in and I'll start automatically doing it because each year that I evolve as a writer I become better and so I'll go in and always find tweaking you know, scripts to the end of the day and um, yeah

that's to be about those scripts that you always look at and you always find something it's funny how I used to write on fucking napkins in your car and I actually started sitting down and writing and I would get up at four and actually plot like two hours to write

and it's amazing out of all those books, what a waste of time it was to read all those books, all those years it was a waste of my fucking time Samuel French you're just making Samuel French rich oh yeah

that's all the fuck you're doing every time you're going in by a book, by Lee, all that's garbage the way to write is to write and it's so funny how as Americans we want to do anything but do the thing you know I go to Jiu Jitsu and he has classes that

you get in there and you wrestle some people just want to learn the technique and go home and never get their hands dirty and then they go and it's but that's done across the board with everything you know, I used to have a friend in town, I went to an acting class

for 90 days and I moved on you move on, after that you move on and I had friends that would go to acting class for six years and I went to them and I'd say how's it going? and they're like well they told me I'm not ready yet if you could breathe into the fog

the bottom of a fucking glass you could fucking act you know yeah, first of all you can't teach acting I don't think you can even really teach writing you definitely can't teach comedy you just can't

you either have that or you don't what classes improve groups and things like that they give you the confidence to bring out your natural ability but you can't teach that you know and so many people to take

claim to have discovered certain comedians at this place or certain actors in the actor studios and it's come on man I see right through come on man Al Pacino is Al Pacino

where he went man come on and so you either have it or you don't and it's just like anything else it's a lot of work and you gotta put it in there I call it

there's a ten thousand hour theory, ten thousand hours you know what that is to be good at anything in this life that's how many hours you have to put into it and most people don't want to do that for a lot of hours but that's

I think what you have to do in order to be successful because it won't come down to luck anymore it just comes down to hard work being out there and doing it and you know how do you deal with rejection I mean you said you got like 11, 15 things

made that's out of 60 for some people they would stop after how many times did people say no to you well we deal with rejection and you know non-stop it's like 99% of our lives the first thing you have to be is insane

in order to deal with it because most normal people they wouldn't do it they wouldn't do it so you have to be a little bit nuts you have to have blinders on most actors and comedians are a little crazy a little off beat and that's

what we are and so and somewhere inside you you have to have that belief that I have something I have this magic or whatever otherwise you know you are crazy how did your parents react to when you said

you were going to come out here and write well I was mainly came out as an actor I picked up the writing later being blue collar workers in south they were very supportive of it even though they knew nothing of it and could never in a million years understand it

you know and and every year I go back for the holidays and they go you're back and I'm like no and then two more years you have to be back and I'm like no I'm not so

but it's just certain people had their calling in life they want to do with it and what enriches them it's nice to have millions of dollars enrich by performing and making people laugh

or inspiring people with the words or paint things or whatever so it's fucking amazing it's very inspiring it's just not a lot of people I've been out here almost four years

and already I've seen people come and go and it's just over 30 years I can't imagine how many writers or actors or directors you've seen writer and hollywood they got one script told and now they're back home and it's just it's good to know that people can still be out here

yeah I'm stuck now I mean I've been here too long but I actually like it I like it out here I love the weather all the recreation and light life and the things that we have especially

in studio city where I've lived for all this time it's my favorite place and I dig it one thing I definitely can't take is the cold it's funny that you go back for the holidays because I went back the first two or three years but now I'm never going back

in the winter again yeah that's barbaric I have a very simple theory in that life is tough enough as it is when you make it any harder on yourself living in that brutal cold and this was a bad winter that I just went through and I

I just don't like the cold you know it's amazing I've always loved Boston as a city I don't give a fuck about the Yankees I'm Cuban my mother was a Boston Red Sox fan and Louis Tion

and I love all that I grew up a Cincinnati Red Fan but my American League team was the Red Sox so I always loved everything about it and I come out here and you meet these half ass fucking fans and then

they won and everybody became a fucking fan it's like anything else with the Yankees of Boston but I gotta tell you something Paul I met over my good friend in Aspen was a Southie guy

he had bullet holes in his neck they cut his toe off it was amazing but you come out here and you meet all these fucking Southie you know and you're one of the guys that I look at and I go this motherfucker is definitely from Southie not that you're not good looking

you're an handsome Irish motherfucker I'm just saying that you live and breathe it I smell it on you I smell it in your writing your style of writing just something about how it became cool

to be Southie and then when you look into that paperwork ever since goodwill hunting and things Southie became I was the original pioneer that came out here and now we got all these actors and everybody coming out to get in the business which they never would have done in a billion years

because Southie's a very tough blue collar neighborhood and going into show business back in the day was just unheard of but it's getting pretty gentrified right now Southie's gone it's not even Southie anymore but what I'm saying is back in my day

people just scratched their head they couldn't understand where I was going especially since I turned down a tea job which I went in a lottery oh yeah I signed up for that too when I was in college they make you sign up to be a tea driver like you make a ton of money if you drive this subway

yeah and I actually won they picked 300 people and then I decided I don't want to do that I can't my friends thought I was insane because that was like even back then that was like 30 years ago that's a lot of money

I'm not driving a bus for the rest of my life because not jobs take the bus and I'm going to be dealing with this I can't do this I'm guessing you weren't standing in line in Santa Monica at that new Dunkin Donuts I did see it on the news I think that's a little drastic

it's a little drastic for the Dunkin Donuts but yeah but I loved growing up in Southie because you know just great characters all my friends and all the people that grew up were hysterical

and the way they showed how they liked you was they insulted you everybody insults each other they don't insult you they don't like you they like you so it was just great and the great characters

that I hung out and grew up with and all that I loved my writing because I could always take bits and pieces of people you know and put them together for a certain character I like characters that have crazy little obsessions

and things like that I would always remember like these guys I grew up with one of my buddies his nickname was Ian they all had these crazy nicknames but he was Ian

mine was Muzcat but anyway he used to have a list of his friends on there who he wanted to basically knock off first because everybody was picking on him and you would just have to hope you weren't on his list this is like real stuff

where can you get this so yeah it was it's great now it's become a trendy thing for them to come out to Hollywood and get into the business you know 30 years ago when you left

when you told your buddies at the bar that you were going to Hollywood they just looked at you and said that you were fucking fagged and you sit there going what the fuck are these people and they really are they think that this is another world

you know the East Coast mentality Jersey, Boston they think when you tell them you're going to come out of here that they've never when I go home and people still say to me you still live all the way out there in Cali you're still living out there in Cali with those fucking friends

you're still living out there out where like what the fuck is it Mars it's a fucking plane ride but they don't see that and God bless them God fucking bless them for not seeing that what's that expression

I don't fucking know they always thought well that's for special people and I'm like what the fuck is so special about them why can't I do that I don't understand I wish more people thought like that though a little bit

because it's so crowded out here especially now there's so many new people coming every day that just honestly we have enough waiters and waitresses sometimes I think there should be a time limit out here if you're not doing it people have fucking dreams

you know when I fucking when I was living in Seattle and I never dreamed of LA and then the more comedy I did people were like oh you should try and I gotta be honest and I told you we've had this conversation

I thought I would last 18 months like a friend of mine said man I was an extra on friends and what I did was I left a little horse on stage with the head so whenever he was an extra on a set I would always bring a little horse next to him and play with the head so the camera

and I was like maybe I'll do that I'm just not kidding you that sounds so fucking cool I'd love to be an extra I never had a dream that I would ever be in a fucking movie I thought if I would be like if I was a a server in a scene

that that would be great for me I never had that dream to be in a movie I never knew how to fucking get in a movie or what to even start but you stick with it you stick with things and you see where the fuck they take you you said it how many fucking

the truth without being sarcastic how many big time Hollywood fucking people have you met to the kind now that when you sat across from the table you were like this guy's going oh by the way what he's doing because they come out here with a credit card

and they focus on all the wrong things yeah they again my friends at the time when I came out were like all running around playing the Hollywood night game you know they're going to get discovered in a night club and blowing their money and I was seeing

at eight hours a night writing little by little it's amazing what people think it requires to come out here you come out here you go to the standard you get an acting class and Jack Nicholson sees you at a league of games and he puts you in one of his fucking movies I've had fucking people

tell me that do you know how many writers listen I'm a comic the easiest one of the easiest paths for a writer to get steam sometimes is to meet with a comedian and try to develop a show and pitch the fucking show do you have

if I told you how many writers I've met with for months for six or seven months and then one day they just disappeared ball disappeared and then you see him three years later and a camera guy in the commercial like you go for a commercial audition

and this really happened to me a guy that was oh my god his uncle was the guy from Warner Brothers and we're going to put this together and we met in Hollywood and one day I never saw him again and he was a camera guy I had to place an ocean parkway and I go what happened

aww you know how it is man this and I couldn't even imagine so you didn't want to be a writer no more so now you're that camera guy at the audition so it's amazing how overnight he was going to write the next big TV show

like that just switched my dream has never changed my dream has never changed I don't even know what the fuck my dream was when I got here I just was happy to do stand up and be alive I swear to god I didn't pick up and say I'm moving to LA to become a fucking star

like that's fucking ridiculous that you wouldn't know what goes into it and you see him you see these fucking girls at parties hanging out with fucking fake producers the Arabs they say they're produced next you know they're sucking a dick with sand on it it's a fucking nightmare for them

and then they realize what the fuck happened comics you know how many comics I came out of here with that said this was it that they were going to go for it and then you see them on Facebook four years later and they're married and they live in Nantucket and you're like how the fuck did you end up back in Nantucket obviously your dream wasn't fucking big enough

I don't mind somebody having a dream Lee I don't mind somebody having a dream we all have to have a fucking dream it keeps you alive I understand what you're saying there's enough waitresses it just gotta have a fucking dream

yeah no I agree with that it's just sometimes out here when you're sitting in traffic you're like I have people say oh I'm going to come out here but I'm not or I'm not going to take this job because it's not an editor I'm going to wait for that I'm not going to take a production assistant job

it's like just that sort of stuff I respect guys like Paul I respect guys like Paul that came out here and stuck it out and adapted that's the word you have to adapt you have to fucking adapt four years ago I remember people talking about podcasting

and people saying what are you fucking retarded that's not going to work they got radio we heard it and four years fucking later we've been doing this one for two years there's a lot of comedians that still won't pick up and do a podcast

or if they do do a podcast they do it completely wrong they don't expect what the fuck they're thinking so people listen to it and go this is a TV show you're not telling me what you're really fucking thinking I want to hear what Paul T. Mary has to say that's why I do this fucking podcast sometimes people you know you say fucking

racial insensitive shit but it's what's really in your fucking heart if not just wait until I get on a TV show and you can watch me do somebody else's fucking lines and play the nice guy oh I met Paul Murray he seemed like a nice guy what the fuck is wrong with you

he adapted he fucking adapted and I'm sure a lot of people who you talk to writing will say oh I only write big movie I only write studio pictures and you're writing plays and shorts you can't just

who writes a studio for who sits there and says they write a studio picture and Robbo's fucking student writes a script my friend's student writes a script Jiu Jitsu guy writes a script and he gets a call from his agent that he wants to go lunch with Sylvester Stallone

he goes to lunch with Sylvester Stallone never he is again about the script and Mixing of Expendables comes out it's his fucking script he takes Sylvester Stallone to court and now his name is on all three of them he also did the other movie Godzilla

that was his movie he wrote that also but he didn't know what he was writing you just have to keep fucking writing and eventually Sylvester Stallone will steal it you sue him and now you get your name on the fucking map how did that guy feel

I mean these are just that's a dream you just don't write fucking big oh I'm gonna write you write the biggest misconception people have that's amazing I was thinking about this guy Chris Petty when I first got into comedy

one of the guys I worked with his name was Chris Petty and we just worked a road he was just a road dog no Hollywood and he played the tambourine and he went out with a drink and he goes hey you know tequila and he was one of those guys after a show

he'd tell you how his audience drinks you know he does this to make 37,000 a year and he bought a van he did all this shit he not once told me how much he loved comedy everything he did was for the money end of it man then I sell t-shirts

and then I sell ukuleles and then guess what I never saw him again this was 95 when I worked with him and then in 99 I went to fucking comedy store doing spots at the comedy store and he walks in like a lost and he's like I'm thinking I'm moving out here

and I'm talking to him and I knew that it wasn't his passion I'll do comedy in front of two people for free guess what I'll have more fun doing comedy for free in front of two people than I would if you pay me $3,000 in front of 200 people

sometimes for me doing when I went to Kentucky when I did the show and everybody said you didn't get paid I didn't do it to get paid and I used to fucking do comedy I love it I would do comedy whether you gave me $2

or whether you gave me a fucking cheeseburger that's the difference a lot of people put a dollar sign on everything and that's what Chris Penny did I mentioned him in a podcast on Joe Rogan about three months later he hit me up on the beat and the beat state yeah I'm here living in Malibu

he's probably selling real estate he never got it and a lot of people don't get it what are you gonna do with it what the fuck are you gonna do with it when I wanted to be rich and I was selling drugs and mugging people and all that

I wasn't happy now that I'm not rich and I make it from month to month I'm having a great fucking time and that's what people always get fucking confused everybody wants to be rich what are you gonna do what are you gonna get a limo and chase Justin Bieber in the fucking car

that's the problem you wanna do it a chick that sucks your dick for $50 or suck your dick for free you gotta love to suck dick to do it people don't just suck dick because they don't fucking like it same thing with anything you love he loves writing man

I can tell when I read his fucking writing this guy loves what the hell he's doing you know and that's the biggest misconception about Los Angeles, California that people come here and they don't know why they're here I knew when I came here, I was a felon

I had a college degree that I couldn't use I had no fucking options at 30 fucking when did I come here whatever 17 years ago and 51 I got here at 34 I was longer the tooth and uglier than ever

you know I wasn't no fucking Brad Pitt when I got here I just had a dream my dream was to not go back to jail that was my dream jail not stab a motherfucker ever again that was my dream I had nothing to do with money

and that's the misperception cock suckers tell them Paul don't leave me you gotta love it baby I'm just saying you gotta love what you're doing over here why else would you do it you have to love it, it's too hard

it's too much pain and rejection there's price to pay the grass is always greener on the other side I look back a lot of my friends they grew up they got great families doing great, I had a sacrifice not having the normal family and things like that

in order to do what I did everybody wants it all but sometimes you can get it all you can only get whatever but what I didn't want to do with my life is to do some miserable job that I would hate myself every single day at

you know because I added up I'm gonna hate that, I'm gonna hate my family the whole thing is gonna be like it's gonna be a domino effect I can't do that I want to you know life is short

you gotta chase your dreams and do the best you can you know some people come up for a few years they realize they can't make it they go home believe me there's too many out here

as it is there's too many dilatants and too many people confusing the issue you know as far as talent goes there's just so many I mean

if you want to become a lawyer you just can't say I'm a lawyer or a doctor but anybody and say that I'm an actor which pisses me off you know some moron could just walk out the street hey I'm an actor why because I took a picture

oh really there's like no respect it's just like come on man you know it's amazing how many people get business cards printed it's amazing the first guy I had as a manager

was like a fucking travel agent I didn't know this I go how did you get into this oh no I've been doing this 8 months because I was a travel agent I always wanted to be a manager so when I sold my travel agent I had some money from the travel agency

and I came out of it he bought the lamb rover he bought the condo he bought the suits he had the business cards that was the first year the credit card he always picked up the lunch tab he took you to meetings

he always paid he had something else then he was telling me how he had to move because there was leaking in his building and the association wanted too much money and then it just got worse and worse and now he's doing something in North Carolina

and it broke my heart when he left but it was my first lesson of people that come out of it confused I came out here to kill a little time myself in the process of stabbing somebody but I was just buying time

to get my perfect move I was just waiting to get so much rejection that the anger would push me right back to Colorado so I could chop their fucking head off but I don't know, I don't know what happened and I slept in a car for the first year

on Kennedy Boulevard on Sunset and I would go into Ralphie's house and take a shower and then my car got towed with everything I had and I didn't have it registered my stuff so I lost all my clothes I mean it was, this is it and after that I should have said I'm fucking going home

and I said fuck you, I'm coming back and I dealt it out, you know I slept on floors and I paid the people to live on their couch how miserable is that, Paul Timberlake it's got to be real rough fucking three years I slept on couches I've never had to do it

but I mean reality hit me real quick once I ran out of money next thing you know I'm up busing tables at a restaurant and that's shit and it's just like you know everybody comes here thinking they're going to be a star in six months you know whatever sometimes what they do and you know

and then you realize the reality of you know the magnitude of how many people out here are whole fucking hard it is and you know so you make a decision do I hang in there but I have to because this is what I do nothing's going to stop me because it's what I do, it's what I want to do

you know I love acting I love writing and I love directing all of it, everything is it hard sometimes I would imagine you must have sold something or got something offered to you where they're changing everything have you sold a script and they change everything

and then do you take it back, what is that process like it's not pretty, not pretty at all it's like watching somebody kill your child in front of you and do you take it back and give the money back no you can't do anything, you just have to suck it up and watch them kill it and that's happened to me several times

one of them I better not mention the movie so but they were just butchered really badly and it happened a couple other times so that's another reason I was very excited to direct Boilermaker because I had had six movies made

prior to that other people directed and so I was finally directing my baby the way I wanted it done you know now the concept of Boilermaker can we discuss that or we still can't discuss it I know a lot of people in the biz

and in certain what they call rooms out there and stuff I just thought it would be a really cool concept of a hostage situation you know what I'm saying, to be in that environment

yeah so I just I just came up with setting it there and then you know because it's like a microcosm of society in those meetings people that are new, people that are old

people that are struggling, people that are in and out it's got a diverse group of people so I thought that would be really cool for plus again I wanted to write it what I call a producer friendly piece which was again with minimum locations

wouldn't cost a lot and that could do pretty well anyway so it's two for two in film festivals and one on both so screwed up the distribution but it's amazing that

you know you go to the movies for a long time and you watch these fucking movies and all of a sudden one day you start shooting movies, you're in movies you know and you shoot one scene for five years I shot one scene thank you Mr. Diaz, Diaz is rapping now you know and you shoot one fucking scene

and you go home, you come in, Lee get the fuck out and I handcuff you or smack you or whatever the fuck it is and you leave you know when I shot Boilermaker it was one of the first films I did the whole film and that's a complete different learning experience right because you got a real part

you got a character that's got a whole thing here, you're not just coming in with the one line bullshit which most people you know you gotta that character's gotta carry all the way through man, yeah it was really weird to do and

when you watch it, that's when you really start learning about Jesus Christ I did that wrong but it's amazing to do one movie one scene and then this other fucking film where you're in the whole film and to watch it play out, it was huge for me

that was one of the films that I couldn't do, I hate watching myself I will not watch myself, I don't want to hear myself in sets and that was one film when it came out I went to watch it, where did you play that down in a... Fine Arts and Wilshire and Beverly Hills, yeah that was

a great screening, that was a great screening and it was amazing I had somebody in there from the program, yeah I took a friend with me and how she spoke to me about it afterward and you know you live out here, you have no control of what you do, when you pay me

a certain amount of being your movie I don't know what I'm doing, but I tell you what, when I did the longest yard, when I first watched the first screening on the longest yard, I wanted to cry I wanted to fucking cry, because it wasn't what I shot it wasn't the scenes that I shot

What do you mean? I, you know I'm a serious guy, I'm a comedian but I like the seriousness, I don't like a lot of goofy shit When I watched the longest yard, I never saw Adam stick his mouth in his finger and put the guys in the ear on the set

when I was shooting that, I wasn't there those days, so when I saw it it broke my heart, because to me it wasn't the longest yard I had grown up on Do you know what I'm saying? It's the same thing, what he's saying about what your baby looks like I've known a couple of writers

that their biggest fucking dilemmas the worst I've ever seen them is when they've had to take the script back that they sold to re-fix it so Paul buys my script he takes the script he fuck, he hires, these dummies

will hire somebody else to fucking re-write it and then when they fuck it up now Paul wants to give it back to me the guy who wrote it already not even that Paul fucked it up Paul already fucked it up on his own

now he gives it to two bumbling fucking knuckwads, and they fuck it up even more, they're called egos in this time, they're egos they come in like you don't know what you were doing we're here to fix this script with this fucking attitude

and it goes right back to him now it also happens to the actor you think you're doing one thing you get to the fucking thing and you're like what the fuck happened to that movie how do you think you feel the movie blows

the movie fucking blows and they put 80 million into a fuck I'm not saying along the shot I'm saying other films that I've done I would imagine during the filming you don't think it's gonna suck nobody does, you're under the fucking ether when you're shooting something

TV shows are fucking horrendous TV shows are something that when you shoot you're definitely under the ether as soon as you walk into the studio they're blowing like tear gas something into the fucking studio because you walk in and all of a sudden you're like this is funny

you start saying to yourself this could be fucking funny, this ain't bad and you don't know how bad it is to you fucking watch on TV you're like oh my fucking god that's fucking bad so the same thing happens to writers, the same thing happens to actors

the same thing happens across the board what you intentionally thought it was how many times have you called me and said Joey I gotta tell you something don't be upset I'm really a fan of your buddies have you seen this special it's fucking horrible

and we find out it's the cut it's the editing, the editing they fucked it up and the editing they put a commercial where the punchline is it's just a fucking murder thing that's why I hate specials on television you have to play them on whatever same thing happens

how many fucking times have you called me I'm a fan of this guy I paid to see this guy Joey the fucking special is horrendous happens all the time so there you go my friend you never fucking know what you're doing all you can do

is be the best you can be on that fucking day it's good to hear and people who listen know but for the past almost a year November will be a year that I stopped working on TV and I've just been doing this like you said when you were trying to be rich

you weren't happy I've had probably one of the best years of my life some of it's harder do you ever think like I should go back and be a tea driver and I'll make 80 grand and I'll know I have a check coming in

it's just tough it's a little too late for that now the dice have been rolled I'll live with it but no I don't have any regrets at all the life that I wound up having there's no way I could have had all the encounters

with the actors and producers and great comedians and artists I spent a day with Dennis Hopper one my first time at the improv

I was here two weeks Johnny Carson walks by me fucking Johnny Carson you know what I'm saying Johnny Carson ain't walking around in bars when it's healthy okay let me tell you so anyway all those great things a few of my friends did the tonight show

Steve Wright and Teddy Bergeron I was around all that great excitement and again when you arrive in the morning and there's millions of dollars worth of filming equipment and you got an Academy Award winning actress

and nominees and a movie where could I have got that do you feel the same way Joey feels do you ever not like hearing the script you wrote do you ever feel like I don't want to hear I don't want to see them shoot this yeah

again I'm like most actors I don't like listening to my voice I have a hard time watching myself but I normally play psychotics but not with your script do you enjoy watching your movies oh yeah depends on the movie though

some of the dramas I don't watch it all anymore but very mean men which is my favorite black comedy is cool gangster comedy between the Irish and Italian and again it's set out in the San Fernando Valley in North Hollywood like to look a lake

instead of back eastward there's a little twist to it and I've watched that movie probably 15 times I just love it it's a very clever cool hit movie and it's got a lot of really kind of black comedy in it

that I like that's my specialty how do you deal with self promotion because the word is networking and it feels gross I think for most people but as a comic you go up and you do sets you don't really have readings that often

for stuff you write how does that work for someone well I mean I always book with that stuff which I just don't think it's the right place I mean once in a while if I have a reading I'll invite people

but I mean people are just shamelessly promoting themselves which is a little much for me but you should have managers and agents do the promoting for you for the most part I mean but it's always at their mind you gotta be out there

doing your thing it's kind of a Monday night group or something one night a week you guys would get together and read other people's scripts are you still part of it? no not anymore I was for many years in a group

that workshop scripts they still get together? yeah they're still going and I started making movies and moved on I went into some other groups and I'll still get around to it

you know but again normally I'll just get a group of people and have my own reading of the script and so forth and yeah that's it I'm playing a little redneck

in a movie coming up in two weeks I'll enjoy that I'm from Southie but I play rednecks I don't know I'll have like a beard and you won't even recognize and I'll talk with the same accent and I'll have that redneck accent that's always fun too

I don't like actors just play themselves over and over if you look at my reel you'll see there's eight different guys there's an Irish accent there's a Mexican you know redneck and so forth but you're gonna deal with a little bit of typecasting

it's all there is to it you're gonna get what you're gonna get I'm never gonna play the nice father play a little bit of the offbeat psycho bad guy or whatever well I like that you've sold scripts like most people wouldn't even fucking talk to you after they sold one script

never mind six or seven scripts you've had some movies made but you still will play an actor for two or three days and that lets me know that you're you know there's something to that I've always respected that

you know it's like you said earlier I'd do it for free I'd do it for a hundred bucks I'd do it for a hundred bucks a day whatever they're gonna get me I'm gonna do it and depending on the amount of money they pay me it's not gonna decide on how good of a job I'm gonna be I'm gonna do the same bang up job

no matter what I'm getting whether it's just a reading for free or a hundred bucks a day or whatever I'm going in all out because that's my reputation that's my name that's what I'm selling out there you know what I'm saying you know when I fucking saw Harold

Ramis and Stripes and then I he directed me I seen him in fucking whatever and then I love all that stuff I love when people don't get pigeon-held somewhere I love when like I love to write a blog I love to do a podcast if somebody calls me for a fucking movie

I'll do a movie I don't give a fuck at this point this is what we do we we express ourselves whatever I'm not I'm not sitting here telling you I'm an artist because I'm not I'm Mr. fucking comic you know who does this shit I just love every aspect of it

you know I wish I don't I would never direct because I don't want to be that guy that comedian that needs to direct or anything that's not my genre but I love the writing aspect of it I love what you do man I've always wanted you on the podcast I love what you do

It's an honor and a privilege to be here it's a lot of fun and yeah I you know I'm just I love writing acting in the whole deal I love directing that was like the best moment of my life finally so I look forward to

hopefully directing and having more movies made and acting anytime I can so we're gonna put Lee in your next fucking movie alright we'll put Lee in there it must be kind of cool because you never have to you could write you never have to retire Joey you don't know

you could be writing for another it's not like a regular job at 65 you have to quit yeah like you gotta retire like Derek Jeter at 40 it must be hot well that part's good writers get better

if they brought you into a room and a new guy right out of college no matter what class you must just blow them right out of the water I don't know I don't know about that you know

yeah what are you gonna do Lee? I'm gonna give some shout outs to my main man Joe Ando, Corey Layton Hugh Fitzgerald I'll see you in class next week John Wolf G, Jared Hulk Lee Cricadas

and Matty D I love you cocksuckers always see we learned something you learned about writing, you learned about fucking dreams and that's it now you want to know you want to come out of here and ain't no fucking catwalk Lee you fucking realize it you lucked out we're having a great time

we shot videos, we shot documentary you know we've done some fucking shit and it's all our own the best time what's going on right now is that you can do everything on your own if you really want to do it there's no more excuses you can buy a camera for 10 bucks

you can edit it on fucking line now there's web pages to help you do everything you got your fingers to put on your dick now to help you jerk off they do everything now online there's nothing, if you have a dream if you want to shoot a film if you want to animate

they have everything available online fucking YouTube will teach you how to make a fucking cake YouTube has every instructional on there how to write a book how to write a screenplay so the only thing that's holding you back in today's society is you when he's got into this shit

when you're from fucking Jersey my buddy once told me I have a friend that holds the wires for people in California how many times I bugged that guy how many times I called that guy and said hey hook me up in California I didn't even know what I wanted to do

I didn't even know he was like what the fuck do you want to do I don't know I want to be like Steven Seagal I had no fucking idea but it's amazing the hard work and the patience with the equipment today you can do it all

my first short film was done on 35mm film and that cost like $32,000 today you could make that same movie for like a thousand so the excuses are over cock suckers that's what the church is about grab your balls get a knife and go in there and get what's yours

let me give a shout out to the fucking sponsors we got some good shit for you as usual on it I love them the strong bone is helping my knees get stronger every day I'm gonna have a brace on today every day a little bit more I do some squats I did 35 minutes on the bike today I did the physical therapy

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like they just send you the shit every month they have a stay on a program so you get 20% off any product they got they mail it right to your house on the first you don't have to leave the house you don't have to do dick who's better than you I'm gonna drop some fucking knowledge on you guys

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free free sample box okay so in the afternoon slump when you're hungry you're not feeling good you go to the machine fuck that shit go to naturebox.com right now put in slash joey capital letters slash joey

and you're gonna get a free sample box and get this party started I don't know what the fuck they're gonna send you they might send you the cocoa almonds they might send you the pita butter the sweet potato fries I don't know what the fuck they're gonna send you stop fucking around

get a free sample box the month of September I think it's the whole month of September I'll find out what the fuck's going on go to naturebox.com today and get slash joey and get a free fucking sample box okay now there's no more reason to be a fat fuck

there's no more reason to be in fucking potato chips that shit you made me eat last week at subway bake lays that tastes like a fucking Iranian dead foot that fucking shit you made me eat nature's box delicious nutritious this shit is tremendous for you

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had a pubic hair stuck in my throat now we're gonna move on to my other favorite I got these things on right now tremendous you understand me you know how it makes you feel to put a nice new pair on did you put on anything I gave you what you put on how nice do they fucking feel

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or martial arts guy every time I go to jiu-jitsu I put on meondies they don't fucking pull down your nutsack don't pop out when you wear regular undies and you go to jiu-jitsu a nut always pops out it's just dangling in your fucking geek somebody can step on it you don't need that aggravation go to meondies.com

right now and I'll tell you what you're gonna get you're gonna get free fucking shipping free shipping right now go to meondies and press Joey and get 20% off your first daughter 20% off your first daughter and you get free shipping in Canada and the United States

go to meondies.com where you press Lee Joey how do you spell Joey Joey what that's a spelling bee champion 1992 the fucking Jewish side anyway on top of that you got naileditlife.com these are good friends of mine

they sell tremendous vapor pens you're gonna fucking love them they don't fuck around go to naileditlife.com press what in the box mention Joey Diaz and get what 20% off your order 20% off a $50 vapor pen that means you get it for $40 it burns oil

it burns fucking wax whatever the fuck you need go to naileditlife.com and as usual my fucking new I love these people hitesix.com they got cigars they got cigarettes 0 nicotine 8 nicotine 16 nicotine

and 24 you quit smoking on these hitesix.com they last longer they taste fucking better you smoke these fucking cigarettes for 7-11 it tastes like you're licking somebody's asshole not with this this cigar tastes fucking tremendous and the hitesix

and let me tell you something you get 1200 hits per fucking hitesix 1200 go to hitesix.com and press what Lee? Joey's church oh shit you get what do you get off the first order 20% 20% off not 10% the usual Jewish shit

20% off these are real long island Jews they don't fuck around you understand me so go to hitesix.com whether you want a flavored cigarette whether you want to try their cigar how nice is it if you want a cigar I go to Vegas I go to fucking casino with Asian people and just blow smoke in the air and play

five God whatever the fuck they play what do the Chinese people play? PyGaO PyGaO whatever the fuck you know how to play PyGaO? no I heard it's a good game I won't play it get it together you want to be a professional game go to hitesix.com and press Joey's church and the box and get 20% off right now

so tonight we gave you an audit we gave you naturesbox.com we gave you a free fucking box we got me on these I gave you 20% off on nail the life and I'm giving you 20% off on hitesix.com who's better than me

you should go and help all these sponsors out what do you think I'm doing? they're getting you riled up this is my fucking job I let people know these underwear feel fucking tremendously and I told you last week during the surgery I put them on before the surgery

and I couldn't take a shower after the surgery and that night I thought my balls would smell and I stuck my hand in my shorts nothing not even perspiration the shit me on these pulls the fucking sweat out of your fucking nutsack and makes your nutsack nice

when you show up you're fresh right or wrong sometimes you get your dick sucked you get a detour that's trafficking on the 405 your nuts get a little stinky not with me on these.com where you going to get that type of information? I got another one for you

I'm out tonight don't come crying to me tomorrow I don't feel good what do you got tomorrow anything? do you pick up a poem or what are you guys doing? maybe Friday if I feel better Friday what are you going to do? run around the park naked

that's what we do every weekend this fucking guy hooked up with a nice Mexican chick a little Jew guy where's he going to get that shit out of here? in Boston you have a little Jew girl holding hands talking about fucking your bar mitzvah see what I'm saying? everything changed for you

it's amazing you got some nice Mexican fucking onion there have you eaten that ass yet? the ass no what are you waiting for so you told me you love her now you got to eat that ass and prove it she doesn't want me to it's not a walk to her

it's not a dirt the Jew tongue is coming in your muffler it's over you don't even have to tell them just sit there and watch their eyeballs fucking get all open and that fucking monkey just open up from behind I don't know about you but I was raised

if I'm going to lick someone's asshole I'm going to tell them that's disgusting I'm going to lick their asshole you just lick it and let them talk about it for your breakfast in the morning with that shit breath I love you guys stay black what are we playing today? I don't know what are you playing?

how about Back in the Saddles since I got my Boston people here Aerosmith for you motherfuckers or Seasons or Withers something from the early stuff when they represented Boston not this shit they're singing there what the fuck whatever the fuck they're doing I love you guys stay black have a great weekend

go to joeydeers.net for all your fucking dates Paul Murray I love you Paul do you have a movie do you have anything do you have anything like if you had one movie people would watch what would it be? all of them very mean men

very mean men that's a little bit tougher to find in the United States Boilermakers on Amazon okay awesome well this show now that the show is over remember to go to naturebox.com

and they're great tasting healthy snacks and now when you use Cobra Joey you're going to get a free trial box so you use Cobra Joey J-O-E-Y and get a free trial box like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries support this podcast go to naturebox.com promo code Joey

that's naturebox.com promo code Joey show is also brought to you by onnet.com use Cobra Church to get 10% off of your order of anything like Alva Brain New Mood Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport also go to meetundies.com that's meetundies.com

and use Cobra Joey to get 20% off of your first order off of men's and women's underwear and you're going to nail it to life.com to get 20% off of the premiere of Alva Brain on the Market I'm back I'm back inside of looking

I'm back I'm back inside of looking Around the town alone by the light of the moon I'm looking for a spooky joke a crazy horse or loo Oh God keep giving me a drink that's when she call my night

She'll turn over in the wake that make a glowing bright I'm back inside of looking I'm back I'm back inside of looking Call me if you're easy or right till the rising sun I'm calling all the shots tonight

I'm like the loaded gun Painting of my boots a chance inside the soul from his gift to turn in the back that's creeping on through the world of lies the girls are soaking wet don't turn away

I'm calling all I got I'm back inside of looking I'm back I'm back inside of looking I'm back inside of looking up my piece of I'm back inside of looking up my piece of

I'm back inside of looking shining a rosado I'm back inside of looking this lake is gonna burn I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back.