Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #211 - Joey Diaz, Angel Salazar and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 8, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined in studio by Comedian actor Angel Salazar. He played Chi Chi in Scar Face. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  Keep In Touch - Shades of Love I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Agua que Va A Acer -Patato Y Totico Recorded on 09/07/2014   

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshave club banner. The show is also sponsored by onit.com. Go to onit.com for everything like new mood, alpha brain, shroom tech, immune, shroom tech, sport and get 10% off when you mention the codeword

church and hit by hitesigs.com. That's hitesigs.com. The proof is in the e-sig. Longer lasting, better tasting. Use codeword joey's church. That's joey's church to get 20% off of your first order. Old school. The church of what's happening now. Oh shit. Angel Salazar in the house. Police sat in the house. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Oh shit. Wigglefonga doily. What? Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Let's do it, baby. What's going on, dog? What's going on, buddy? What the fuck you been? You show up coughing. You lost weight. Your head's all red. Well, it helps when you don't have to eat. What happened? You didn't eat all weekend? No. I started eating again on BB Friday. I had like a bowl of soup each day. A bowl of soup like Papillon and shit. Me when you

live in the Sherman, I was like a doctor. You got a view. Yeah, I just did. I recently had to start paying for my own health insurance because at 26 you can't pay on your parents anymore. How much a month? 300. Oh shit. So you might as well go to that fucking doctor. I told you once you get insurance, you got a fucking headache. I go to the doctor. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. You gonna give me one of those $90 aspirins? Fuck it. Yeah, that's it. It's crazy how much of a money grab it is. Like with the medication. Oh, we don't have a generic one. So let's go. These pills are 50 bucks and I don't know. It's crazy. It never ends. They bang you at every fucking avenue. You go to CVS. That's your good boy. You get the little card so your mouth stack up. Boom. There you go.

It's a Sunday night. If you're waking up to this happy fucking Monday. One of my main brothers, inspiration is a guest tonight. Mr. Angel Salazar. So I'm at the comedy store the other night walking around. It's like when I saw you, Angel, you were walking around a place that you were the king of. And barely yet. That was the first time you saw me there sober. You were sober. Yes. You were fucking completely sober. Yes, you were. I was sober. That's amazing. The angels hit with you. What's up, brother? Does your audience know about the movie Scarface? Yes, they do. Who doesn't know about the movie Scarface? Everybody knows about the fucking movie Scarface. People in Nigeria know about the movie Scarface. Do they know it's me, Chichi? They know it's you, Chichi. Okay, cool.

And even if they don't know, they'll fucking find out. If they don't know, they know. What's up, Papa? Ah, man, I'm having a new time in LA. How long have you been in LA for? How many weeks? About Well, I did Las Vegas, went to Reno, Lake Tahoe, and then came here on Monday. I've been here since Monday. Now, Harry Basil called me up two weeks ago and he goes, can you fucking believe, Chichi? He goes, this morning I'm driving. I see him at 11 o'clock in the morning, walking around the street. The night before, he was at the Bellagio, without Pacino. Oh, and then the next day, I was sleeping in the street. No, you were not. You were. Yeah. You were used to it. Well, this was happening. I was playing across the street from the Bellagio, dice, you know, and I was so

wasted, drunk that I didn't feel like walking to the Tropicana. So there was a bunch of homeless there. I'll take a rest here. I'll take a break here. I fell asleep and people recognized me because my name, my face is no Marquis in Las Vegas Boulevard, Las Tropicana, and just outside, live in concert. And people who saw me in the street said, man, does she bastard didn't give you a room? It's a motherfucker in Vegas. We have to walk back to your hotel. Sometimes it's too far. It is. Everything in fucking Vegas is too far. So Harry Basil is looking for me and he's on the phone and he's on the corner. Angel, where are you? And I'm going over here. Over here. It was a rough night. So guess what he did? So that Harry Basil told me that all week in the green room, there's

gonna be nothing but booze, vodka, wine, everything. Well, after that, he closed the bar. He put everything away. He shut me down. So you were in Vegas for how long? One week. One week. Yeah. But the show went great. That's what he said. He said innovation was great. I said you fucking them up. It was like a rock concert. You've been getting standing ovations for 20 fucking years, right? 20. And I used to tell guys like the best deal in the market, you guys are paying on Angel got a standing ovation every fucking show. Yeah, it's funny, man, that you're still doing your thing, Angel. And a lot of people at home know that this career has peaks and valleys. Right. Right. As long as you keep doing jokes and shit, you're always gonna work. You always work. You always fucking work, man. This is

this is the this is the kind of profession that is hard to to give up. Give it up and stay with you forever. Look at Don Rickards. Don Rickards got 90 years old. Yeah, he's still touring doing shows. Amazing. And he still has an audience and people don't want to see you. They want to see you, man. They want to support. How the fuck did you start comedy? When and where? How? Well, I'm an actor first actor. First, I did a few movies before Scarface. I did a movie called with the Buffalo Rome with Bill Murray. Bill Murray, when he answered the phone, what? Yeah, that's funny as shit. I did a Boulevard nights walk proud with a gay movie about Mexican, the only Mexican movie that you saw Robbie Benson playing a Mexican. Who was it? Robbie Benson. Robbie Benson. Oh, my god.

And so right about the time I was getting Scarface, I started doing comedy in New York. See, here's what happened. I used to be a peddler in the streets of New York, right? Selling stuff and a peddler catch line phrase is check it out. Check it out. So everything I was selling in the street, check it out, check it out. So I go to the comic strip and start doing comedy by I didn't have material. I had was check it out, check it out. And I do that for 10 minutes. And somebody said to Lucho, the Lucho, he runs the Lucian. He died. He died. Rest in peace. He will run the place for Richard thinking, you know, any movies managing. And somebody told Lucho, that Spanish kid is very funny. He's great. Keep him. And he go, what are you talking about?

All he says, check it out. Yeah. And you started then I started doing comedy then when we started doing Scarface, of course, I went to the comic store, but I met you before before Scarface. No, no, no, no, no. I met you in 1993. Oh, really? You was walking on 8th Avenue in Hills kitchen. Yes. Yeah. I was selling cars on 12th Avenue on 57th Street. Yeah. And you start talking to me and you say hello. You say you're so one of the men I'm killing too. Yeah. And you are living in Jersey, but I'm moving to Colorado. I was living in Colorado and I was back. I started comedy in Colorado. And you gave me a pass to the village gate to go see. And I went and I was selling cars and I shot over there. But you had a lot of people around you

and I was really embarrassed. So I didn't say nothing to you. But you gave me your phone number and I kept calling you. And it was hysterical. I would call you and the machine would say, this is Angel. I'm in Cleveland. Call me at the hotel at 718th. And I would call them and wake them up. Well, what happened is you was in Colorado. Colorado. Yeah. So three o'clock in the morning in New York is 12 in Colorado. Three hours difference. And I go, Jesus Christ, you waking me up. You go, no, it's only 12. I go, yeah, where you at? He used to call me later at night. Even though it was three o'clock Colorado, he calls me at 1 a.m. and I'll call me at 8 a.m. It doesn't matter. But if I'm on the fucking phone doing it, that was amazing that I

bumped into you in New York City, right in the fucking street. And it was my day. I was trying to get into comedy, you know? Yeah, I was just starting. I was doing comedy maybe at that time, maybe two years, maybe, maybe. And I had no fucking clue. And I went to see you guys and I had no fucking clue of what was going on. Then they did auditions for the other solitino troop. Okay, local. No, the one that they did at the what's the club in Goodfellas where they go the Spanish club? What's the Spanish club on 100? What's the Latin Cora? No, the other one. Copacabana Copacabana had an improv troop. Yeah. And I remember I rented I was selling cars. And I took a car from the lot and went up there to audition. I got $150 fucking ticket. I didn't get I was

terrible. Oh my god. They said do three characters. I only had one. I was a Spanish junkie. I kept nodding. It was fucking horrible. That wasn't much of a character. No, that was it. That was the end of my thing. But I kept calling Angel. I kept trying to get in touch with Angel and he would tell me what to do. Go here, go there. Go here. So did he know he was doing stand up at that point? Yeah, that's how I reached down to him because he was fucking doing stand up. I wanted answers. So was it was it hard going from like acting and then doing because like the character like as a being in gangster movies and then trying to be funny must be a little bit difficult for audiences? Well, when I was shooting, I didn't tell them I was a comedian at the beginning,

no later on as I got comfortable with that with the cast and crew. Yeah, I told them. And yeah, I told them later on they there's a joke that Tony Montana Apache, you know, say in the movie that I told them how to say it because Marty Bremen called me. Hey, I was not working today. You got to get here. Why? I don't need a joking. You got to give him a joke because he was telling joke to Sosa about Cubans. And you probably know this joke. Cubans are the most messed up people ever because the island is in the Caribbean, the government is in Russia and the people live in Miami. That was a joke. So he told them in the movie in the account and cut version there is in the account versions. Yeah. Now, remember one thing

guys, in 85, 84, a lot of comedians were transcending to movies. Eddie Murphy, Robert Williams. So I know. So that was a I saw as a short cut to break into the movie. Yeah, doing comedy, Joe, did it help you get into this movie that you got? Analyze that and yes, in a to a degree, I think it got me ready. It got me ready. So when I was on the set, you know, I could do what I had to do. But uh, yeah, I think so. I never dreamed Angel when I came out here, I never dreamed I'd be in a movie. I thought if I would be an extra, I would do okay. And then when I came here, they tell you you have to act. They send you for auditions. And the first thing I booked was a fucking movie. It was baseball. Which one? Which one? Baseball with this with the Zuckerberg. Oh, okay. Baseball

and roller skates and shit. Whatever the fuck. Is that what it is? Yeah, I just like the way you describe it. Whatever the fuck it is. But it's just amazing that you did all this. Like, yeah, when I went home the other night and left the comedy store. First, I saw you at the laugh factory that night. That night. It was Tuesday night this last week. And then I shot over to the laugh comedy store. You said you were coming over to the comedy store. And I didn't think you were going to come. I said, Angel's not going to come to the comedy store. He's not going to come. And when I saw you walk into the comedy store, you were happy. Oh, yeah. You had a smile on your face. You walked in. We bumped into Mark Marin. Did you see Paulie? I didn't see Paulie,

no. Paulie was back there. But it's funny that at one point I was watching you looking at things. You know? Yeah. That was your home, Angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From what years was that your home? That was 83 to about 87, 88. Five hard fucking years. Yeah. Because remember, me see how the comedy store in Vegas at the dunes for a few years. And the headliners to close the show was me and Harry Bason. We were there almost like three weeks out of the month. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Now, Joey, you got you got really strong, really strong with in the short period of time you grew. You got the one time you opened for me a feature for me in the past of Texas. I told Barry, yo, I'm not following the guy no more. He gotta have his own show. Next time

he come in, he gotta have his own show because you got strong real quick. Yeah, good talk. I remember the first time I worked with you was New Year's 2000 in Miami. And I was just there when New Year's 98. Before 9-11. Yeah. It was New Year's 9. It was New Year's 98. Because I moved here in 97. Oh my God. That was a New Year's Eve party. Yeah. And I opened up for you and I fucking died because I was at the Miami Improv. But I was at the Miami Improv in July and October. So those nights Cuban people were in the audience. So I got real comfortable when I got lazy on stage. But New Year's Eve, Cubans don't go to comedy rooms. They stay home and eat a fucking pig like normal people. Jews come out and all these white people came out. And I went up there first and

just died. That was like I died a slow fucking death. And then you went up there and fucking clean their clocks. And that was it. I remember sitting around for New Year's Eve after I just died. And I was dating a crazy girlfriend then. The one with the black hair, the stripper. Carol. Carol. She's got kids in Miami now. But it was fucking crazy. That's what I did. I opened for Angel. And then Angel became this powerhouse in Miami. Because you know what? They brought all these people down there. But nobody's sold more tickets than you. You and Richard Jackson sold tickets. I had a big father of Cuban from Hialeah. They were coming. I did a lot of Cuban jokes that fit that area. Yeah, who gets the fuck? That's what you do in that fucking area, you know?

But I don't remember that show if you bummer or remember, but I do remember that you killed in Texas in a parcel. In a castle. Then we worked for, oh my God. For people who don't know, you know, we have your regular comedy clothes. Off the record, Angel Salazar is the unofficial mayor of El Paso. It's amazing. The whole city changes. From the airport, people know he's coming into town. Like it's fucking amazing. How long were you going to El Paso for? Oh, for years. You still go? No, Barry. Barry banned me from there because, you know, Barry, you know, he banned me, too. He banned you, too, right? I did a movie called The Pinchicord, which is Alejandro Turbo movie. I wish I could have the money to buy the movie. Nobody's here. And then to make it up, he booked me

some dives, some little holes in restaurant and bars in El Paso. So Bart Reed got mad about that. And he's supposed to be a Republican and believe in free enterprise. So now they have a new place, no problem. Oh, they moved again? No, no, no. Bart Reed has his place, but they still have a new place. So you could still go. Oh, wow. Give the guys numbers. Oh, this different, different order. Yeah, Rick, Rick, Mexican, whatever, they do the Friday night. Yeah, they have a club. Only one night? Friday and Saturday. Oh, cool. That's awesome. That's good. Rick, whatever his name is, Mexican, whatever the fuck, mixed Mexican. It's not a bad room from what I hear. No, no, no. You know, it's no matter what you say, like no matter how I cut it, whether

I don't talk to Bart no more, Bart developed me. Yeah, you know, I became a killer in that room. Because it's a hard room. And Bart used to bring me down every six weeks. He would call me on Monday nightly to be there on Tuesday. Monday at five, you got to take the 11 o'clock bus. Oh, you took a bus? A bus, $35 from LA, downtown LA, to El Paso. One time there was a bunch of Chinese people in front of me and the bus, the air conditioning broke and everybody started sweating and then Chinese people were sweating that yin yin smell like it smelled like fucking like soy sauce and the bus. It was fucking horrible. They had to open the top, the windows. It was a fuck. Every time I took a bus to El Paso, one time on the way back from El Paso, some lady gave me a big

rock coke, big fucking coke rock. And I said, fuck, I'm going to do half of it. And I'm going to bring the back to LA. And I get on the bus with a t-shirt. And I get on the bus and midway, they pull you over and they come on the bus with dogs. And they told me, they said, be careful, because there's an Albuquerque. They stopped the fucking bus on the street. They just pulled it over and they searched the bus. And I had to crush the rock up and I did it in one line. But I was sitting the back of the bus. By the time the cops got to me, I had my t-shirt off and I was just fucking sweating. The dog didn't smell the coke? The dog just kept looking at me like the dog knew it was gone. You know what I'm saying? Like the dog didn't bark. He's like, you motherfucker,

you did it already. What do you do with the bagging? I fucked in through the window. I forgot what the fuck I did. You would eat it? Fuck. Yeah, I ate a thousand other things. Oh my God. Did you make the show for Barry? No, I came back. I was coming back. Oh, you were coming back? I was coming back from El Paso. Remember, you and me partied a lot on the condo. On the condo. The condo. That fucking guy. One night, you were, the pain, you were sniffing glue, ink by the end of the night. He was sniffing ink. You remember, you took the pain out of the thing because we were not strong and you used this thing and there was ink in it. Oh my God. It was ink in it. When you go to El Paso, you fucking snort. Yeah. Like, was you leaving? Any place,

listen, Houston, El Paso, Miami, any town I went to after the first time, by the time I, Rochester, I snorted some coke in Rochester. Anytime you got there, they were waiting for you. Yeah. Why isn't the, the first people to know we in town are the drug dealers? Why is that? Is that true? Yeah. Oh my God. I was checking the hotel and I got messages from the drug dealers waiting for me. Waiting for you, dog. Waiting for him. Yeah. Waiting for me. There was the same chubby guy in Houston with the tattoos and the fucking nose rings. He would be waiting for me at the club when I walked in. Wednesday night on the house. And then every night after that, I could call them all night long, three in the morning, four in the morning. El Paso, we had

to check with the big tits. The waitress, real pretty face, real pretty face, big fucking tits. Her and her boyfriend would deliver it all night long. You just know these people. Why did, I've been meaning to ask you this, because you've talked about in your act, why did drug dealers close? If I was a drug dealer, like just fuck it, just make the deliver, I don't understand. There's a lot of drug dealers that have certain hours, you know, in Hollywood, I had the one black dude that closed that one. But why would they close? Because, you know, because you don't want people coming to the house at one in the fucking morning all night. You don't want to leave the house at one. There's some guys that do it to a certain

degree. It's like when they're sitting in power fiction, when John Travolta's character goes to the guy with the, Eric was in the mask. After he was closed, he went there with that chick that was dying. Take her out of here. Don't bring those dead chicks to my house. That's rule number one. People have rules. Let me tell you something. I know people that will not sell you shit again if you break their fucking rule. They're by the book. It's a business. Like, what are the rules? Like, what are some rules? Everybody is different. There's people that are up all night. There's people you could call it six in the morning. And I'm like, dog, I'm in a hotel and fucking, and Burbank, and I'm coped up. You're in fucking San Diego. I'll be there in an hour.

So, so Joey, let's tell the story that you told beautifully to Joe Rogan, your buddy Joe Rogan. Tell me, tell me. Joe Rogan is the UFC. The UFC. The factor, not a fear factor. Fear factor, too. Fear factor, too. Big head. So, Joey told a story about me that happened in Rochester. Rochester. It's like he was there, world by world, what happened. I was amazed. Go ahead. Tell the story. Okay. So, I get the, I get the, I love Angel. You know, listen, man, comedy is, when I got into comedy, it was because I had no responsibility. Yeah. You know, I got into comedy after I got divorced. My child and me had been taken from me. I already lost my mother. I went to prison. I did all this stuff already. And then I got into comedy.

So, I became a fan of Lenny fucking Bruce. You know, listen, anybody can fucking do comedy and go out and have three people with them all the time. You know, can I get you something, Mr. Salazar? And, you know, all that shit. And then there's the guys that just do comedy and they act like a man. And I've always loved Angel's style of doing comedy. You know what the sad thing about Angel is? Angel's gonna do comedy till he dies. And that's it. And he's gonna do it his way. And he was in two of the greatest films they ever put Carlitos Way and Scarface, one of the greatest fucking films of all time. He could go anywhere, Japan, the Philippines. He could go to fucking Igloo in Alaska. And after a week, one fucking Eskimo go. Chichi, grab the snowball. You know what I'm

saying? Something. That's just the way life is, bro. Some people do that. He'll be in that. So, you know, when Joe Rogan goes on the road, he gets up at seven, he goes to kick-box and do groupers. And he makes a kale shake. And that's fucking great. But any idiot can fucking do that. Anybody can do that. Anybody can go to bed at 10. I do it every fucking night. I go to New York City and I finish my show and I go to the hotel. And I go to bed at 11.30, like a fucking asshole. And at six, I go get an oatmeal, like a fucking asshole. But there's a lot of motherfuckers that do it right, the way I used to do it. Whenever you come in, you come in. Ari still comes in when he comes in. You know, if you talk to Ari, you could call Ari at three in the morning. I could

call Angel at three in the morning any night. He'll be up. He's a comedian. Comedians don't go to bed at nine o'clock. I'm an asshole. I like going to bed early because I get up at four. But real comedians, this guy is up at five. So whenever guys like this go to a town, there's always a fucking story. There's always a fucking story. Do you understand me? You know how I know? Because how is that guy? Yeah, you used to get up. No, I used to stay out all fucking night. I could stay out all night. There's blow and bitches. And I was getting $500 a week. I don't know how I was doing it. $500 a week and buying a plane ticket and snorting and eating breakfast and drinking at bars with $300. Don't ask me how the fuck I was doing it, but I was doing it. So I go to Rochester

and they're talking, the chubby guy, and that's when the other guy was the partner, the tattoo guy. The tattoo guy, yeah. The tattoo guy. And the tattoo guy says that, he goes, Angel Salazar, was he? I go, how is Angel? He goes, oh, fuck, Jesus Christ. I'm right. For me, I get happy. Like, oh, my thank God, there's one guy left. You know, and he's told me that you did the first show Friday night. You were fucking tremendous. You got a standing ovation, blah, blah, blah. Sadler, you came in first. First show, you come in, kill them, you get a standing ovation or some shit. Then the second show, you go back there, you say, I got to go lay down, whatever. And then they said, you know, wake

me up at 10 o'clock. So quarter to 10, they knock on the door. No fucking angel. They knock on the door and get no angel. Finally, he says they took the door off the engine. A knife or something, they, oh yeah, they broke the lock. And they fucking grab Angel and he's got like blood or foam coming out of his nose and they grab his feet and they're waking up. Angel, wake up. The show's going to start. The show's going to start. And Angel's like, what are you talking about? No, no, no, no. I say, what show? What show? They say, Angel, the show's about to start. I go, what show? The guy goes, second show. Oh, I got a second show. I just did a second show. They say, no, you did the first show. So to this day, Joey, I believe that somebody put a mickey

in my dreams. Really. Because a mickey. A mickey. How'd I hear it go from a standing ovation or first show to passing out on the second show? Now, it gets better. I go on the stage and my blue sprinting wig is the wrong way. They say, I put it the wrong way. When I do this big, when I told the girl, you and me are going to be dancing in the dark and I could get the girl to dance with me, this girl didn't want to do it. I go, bitch, you're coming up here and I grab that girl. They say that I went crazy. I said, you grabbed her tits or you put your head in her tits and her father was there. I don't fuck. But it's something that you love to hear. It's a train wreck. That's what comedy is. It's a fucking train wreck. They weren't mad. They weren't mad. No,

they weren't mad. They were laughing their asses off when they're telling me the fucking story. But then they said that you passed out. They put you in the jeep. They put your stuff. Yeah. That's the only time where the MC closed the show. They're full that MC, the host closed the show. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and what people don't know is that Angel's the last of professionals. Angel could go till nine in the morning and then sleep till seven fucking 30 that night, even though the show's going to start at eight, take a shower and get dressed as he's walking, get there at 10 to eight, drink a coffee, and he gets dressed and by fucking eight 30, he's ready to fucking rock. And he'll give you the best 45 minutes you've ever seen.

After that, what the fuck do you give a fuck what the guy does? Yeah. I've given to back to the Rochester. I just did a few months ago. That guy is nice. Nice do mark. Mark is nice. Mark is nice. Eepolito. Yeah. Nice guy. Nice. You know, I haven't been going back there. I go to Buffalo. You know what I'm saying? So if you work Buffalo, they all drive anyway. I wasn't selling enough tickets in Rochester and Syracuse. But when you go to Buffalo, they go fuck it. Let's spend the weekend in Buffalo. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Joe, you start doing comedy in the 90s. I started doing comedy July of 91. 91. And then I sat in Colorado till I got divorced in 92. And then I was the house emcee at a place called The Broker. The Broker. And Boulder. And

I stayed there too. You got you got to experience some of the outrageous craziness of the 80s, late 80s, after 87 and 89. There was one time where the club owner would pay you either cash or coke. Say, which one you won? No, you never doubt. Oh man, I was way by the time I started doing comedy, like getting paid, it was 95. It took you four years. Yeah. And clubs were still slow. Like I was getting 100 here, 200 here. But when I did it professionally was 95. When I said fuck it, this is what I'm going to do for a living was 95. Bart Reid was the first one to headline, you know? I don't think so. No. I think Joe Chadwick was. Oh yeah. Joe Chadwick, Pete Houston, Bart Reid, no pass on. Yeah. You know, those guys always, they always had something

going on. I had the best times of my life in El Paso. Yeah, I don't have enough time. I don't have, if me and you sat here and told stories individually, I don't have enough time to tell you stories about El Paso. From the first time I went there, where the house, everybody knew that it was the comics house. In 97, the whole town knew it was the comics house. So people were dropping by. Yo, my name is Lee. Yeah. They said to come by if I ever had an eight ball. People would just knock on your fucking door all night. Women. Hey, is Angel here? Oh, fuck. That's next week. I'm sorry. You know, it was like that all night to the point where it was scary. Every night I listened to you listen and you wake up to a party. You come out and people are doing blow and that's El Paso.

That's the first stop the fucking cocaine hits when it comes over the border in my line. That's the first fucking spot. You know, El Paso is one of the few places that you go to a show. We used to, it used to be Tuesday through Saturday. Yeah, it used to be a long way. And I'll tell you something, man, by Wednesday night, you hook up with a chicken El Paso. And by Friday, that woman would come back with a husband on Friday night and introduce you to a husband. That's crazy shit. That's craziness right there. You know, you had a couple bars to go to El Paso, the west side, the east side. But there was that one bar that all you had to do was walk in there and they throw a fucking eight ball at you. It was fucking crazy. There's a guy that

came to the show one day and we were talking. And you know, if you want cocaine, like I wanted cocaine. And it was the late show. And I said to him, Hey, do you know, I get some cocaine, he goes, come with me to the car. And he walked me through his Jeep and he opened up the center compartment and he gave me an eight ball and he goes, do me a favor. When you go to California, send me a headshot because he saw me in basketball. He gave me a bag and he goes, every time you come to El Paso, call me and I'll bring you something. And he did that three or four times. It would leave. I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you. I should have been dead in El Paso. I almost died in Beaumont. I almost died in Houston. When you party in Texas, you got to bring it, son.

What's your favorite El Paso food place? Because every time you go to Texas, you're like, you have a certain place. Let me tell you something. The best place I ate in El Paso was the condo, the old comic strip. The old comic strip was my favorite. Yeah, the first one. What was the supermarket on the bottom of the hill? There was a supermarket across the street from the comic strip. Right, but it was on the same bottom as the condo. Yeah. So all you had to do was walk to the condo. Let me tell you something. The reason I loved that club and that supermarket had Mexican food for sale. Yeah, they had food for sale. Like they had soups and they had, but on Fridays during Lent or even without Lent, they had Yucatan fish soup. I don't have to tell

you, ladies and gentlemen, you could go in there with AIDS, with a missing arm hung over, with syphilis in the asshole, and you'd drink that soup and you'd be healed. It was delicious. I forget the name of the place on the other side that they used to take us. The big fat comedian and Patrick Candelaria. Patrick Candelaria and his family would take us to restaurants on Friday. The Mexican food, you'd die, Lee. Lee, you would fucking die. Steam would come out of your fucking ears. Delicious. Delicious. They used to be, that's the last time I ate. Yeah. Arby's. You and I were talking about Arby's last week. Why did you go to Arby's then? I don't fucking know because it was across from the condo. The condo and those that Lee, you got $300 for the fucking week. That's

why you took a $70 bus ride. So you stayed with $230 fucking dollars. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, six days because you still had a fucking trend, but on Sunday, you had $230 fucking dollars, divide that by six, and you had to pay bills with that $230 fucking dollars. So you had to get deals. See, it looked pretty much today. The supermarket, and I had to do blow. You had to. You followed me. I had to do cocaine, right or wrong. So you got to make this shit work. There was no subway sandwich then. It was that place, the supermarket. It was Arby's, and it was an orderly Chinese food. You're forgetting one, John. Which? Taco Cabana. But Taco Cabana was by the old condo. By the old? It wasn't by the, no, yeah. It was about a mile down.

That's delicious. Yeah, but if I, if I had 40 bucks and I had that Mexican place next to me, and I went to Arby's, and I told you they'd probably punch me. There was no Mexican place. It was a supermarket. Yeah, so? It was a supermarket. But not every day they had good shit in there. Oh, okay. Some day they had tamales, but they weren't for you. The shit they had was Friday. Friday. You got a thing this fucking big for seven dollars. Talk to this fucking. No, but it passes fun. Remember the gay guy, John? The manager. The manager. Tremendous. Who tell you he used to flirt with all the comedians. Tell Joe, I want to take a bubble bath. He's crazy, John. But you know what? I love John. Yeah. I called John a couple times after he quit

over there. Yeah. John used to date one of the door guys. Yeah, yeah. John was an older white guy, but he had a Mexican. The Mexican boyfriend. Fucking tremendous. I'm telling you, this is as soon as you got there, the first thing you did was hug John so hard. That's how much I loved John. Fucking gay. I didn't give a fuck. He was gay. I hugged him. He tortured me, and we fucking tortured other people, and we go up to guys and say, John suck his dick. Oh, we used to fucking torment him. Yeah, we used to mess with him. Yeah. There used to be a little retarded comedian down there that during the week he would clean for Bart. Do you remember him? He was a little Mexican kid. He had a wife and two kids. So he was a comedian, but he also

cleaned the theater at night, and he cleaned the comedy club for Bart. So when you Bart hated him, but Bart would torture him. So as soon as you got there, Bart would say, listen, he's going to come up to you and ask you for an intro. Yeah. Most intros are like you saw him in Scarface and Carlitos Way and in Living Color. Living Color, yeah. Right. Coming to the stage, Angel Salazar, he wanted you to write a bio fan. Yeah. Old Mexican said. So just the whole thing. No, I said, listen, just one credit. That's enough, bro. No, but I would write. Bart would say, write a bio for him to bust his balls. Just to mess with him. Like three, four pages. I went to Catholic school. I played with football in the third grade. And then, but New Year's Eve,

one of the New Year's Eve, Bart made you throw confetti because the vacuum wouldn't pick it up. So the kid would have to. That's terrible. The vacuum wouldn't pick it up. Yeah. So the kid would have to sweep the confetti. Oh, my God. One of the best New Year's Eve I had was no Paso, Texas. Wow. Because there was a waitress. It was her second night. I usually don't tell these type of stories, but fuck it. Angel Salazar here and this is a special case. I tell you, I tell you a funny story. Willie Balsena plays the club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm there the week after Willie Balsena, but I came in there early on a Sunday. And this girl called from Fort Blitz, she's in the army, right? And she called the condo. And I pick up, you go, hi, Willie Balsena.

I said, no, Willie's down for the week, honey. Who are you? I'm Angel Salazar. Willie's Balsena is not here, but I am. You should come by and she go, what do you look like? I go, I look say, I look just like Willie Balsena. And she came by and Willie has left baby oil and a bunch of kinky stuff. And she came over, took a taxi, came over, beautiful girl, gorgeous man. So she spent that everything. A few weeks later, I see Willie Balsena at the Laugh Factory and say, hey Willie, I owe you for the baby oil. He goes, I heard. I heard. I heard. You used the shit I left. I said, well, you're not going to use it anymore because you know, it'd be six months before you come back. But like you said, you're a part of the,

would you think of city, a party town in New York? It's a fucking party town. What happened with the waitress? Okay, so hold on, my angel, let me tell you this story. So this is, this is 90, this is 2000. I'm doing comedy with Kozak, the magician, when he was doing cocaine. Yeah, fucking it was the, it was a weekend of horror. Or maybe it was 99 because it was before Terry. It was maybe 99. And I'm down there. It's New Year's Eve. It's fucking dead. Maybe a hundred tickets. Bart is pissed off. Bart's pissed off. I don't know what the fuck's going on. But the girl had started the night before and I talked to her for maybe five minutes and we didn't talk about anything. I didn't say nothing sexual. I didn't say nothing about dating.

It was like, it was your first night. You like it. Yeah. Some guys tipped me. Some guy puked on my shoes. That type of shit. So the next night I'm talking to her again, but in the old club, member Bart's office was by the stage. I'm talking about the old club. The old club. The old club. And there was a thing there, which one day I fingered a girl on that little thing, a fucking chick from the audience. While Angel was on stage, she wanted to get a drink. She went over the hug me or something. And I felt her waist or something. She grabbed my cock and I grabbed her pussy and she kept grabbing it through the jeans. I walked her over and just stuck my hands and was fingering her in the audience room behind that door there. Bart's room was there. It was

a green room back there, but there was a little door there. I was fingering this lady. That's a complete different fucking night. So this particular night, it's this girl's second thing. I usually don't tell sexual stories or sex stories. I'm an ugly dude. I'll tell you what the fuck happened. It's late at night. It's late at night. It's a special Sunday night edition. So I'm sitting by this door. That was where the green room was, but it was also Bart's office. So the office split. So one part would be a couch with a TV and a little refrigerator. And the other thing would be Bart's office where you went to get paid. So me and this waitress started talking. And one thing led to the other. She started talking about her pussy. And I'm like, what the fuck is she talking?

You know when somebody throws you off guard? Like, what the fuck are you talking about pussy? Next, you know, I'm fingering her too. And we go back into the thing. I take her inside of Bart's office. I eat her pussy. I follow them. We realize it's Bart's desk. So we get up and we go into the bathroom in the green room. And then there we fuck. We suck. We're in there for 20 fucking minutes. We come out happy new year. We don't know what the fuck is going on. Nobody says nothing. A couple of comedians, I don't know who the fuck I was there with. They were like, bro, where were you? And she's walking around with a twisted shirt on. I'm walking, you know, here's the funny thing. Within an hour, she was making out with a different guy outside.

It was fucking disgusting. I mean, it was fucking one of the worst nights of my life. I thought it was fucking good looking. I felt good for 20 minutes. And she was a waitress and she quit. She never went. What did she look like? Fucking hot. That's what she looked like. She was a Mexican chick with like brown hair. She was young. She was maybe 21. I was maybe 30 something, 35. She was a second night. She was never been around the comedy world. She got hit on a thousand times. Now she got eaten in the fucking office. You suck the dick. You don't need that type of aggravation. Fucking El Paso. And Miami was just, I would go to Miami and have to sleep for a week. That's how, bro, I would go on there for two weeks and do blow every fucking

night and not just blow, 7 a.m. blow with wet willies and pills and fucking alcohol. Miami don't close, Lee. Miami closes from five to six. The news cafe will close from five to six. But at least you didn't miss no show. You didn't miss no show. Never. Never. Never. We have a mutual friend that was notorious for missing shows in Miami. Disappear. A mutual friend. I don't know. I know George Lopez, Mr. Show one night. He missed radio. And then your buddy from and living color disappeared. Which one? The black dude. He left in Miami. He left for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Yeah, Bobby Brown. You don't come back from that trip. Yeah. When you leave with Bobby Brown and Tommy, Tommy Davidson left with Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's MIA

the next night. It's tough. Listen, man, it's not when you're hooked and you're hooked on the road. I tell a story about smoking crack for six weeks. Oh, really? You know, on the way home from the comedy store, I would stop on Selma and Orange in Hollywood. This is 15 years ago. This is when I first got here. And I didn't know. I saw, you know, a couple of black guys standing out there. And I, you know, gave the guy the look and I went over and bought $20 worth of crack. And I went home. I didn't know it was cracking until I got home. And then they said it was cracking. So the next night I went home and bought it and smoked it. And I got hooked on crack for a while. You know how I got clean on crack? I went to El Paso. I went to El Paso. I did real cocaine.

And then I stopped smoking fucking crack again. Wow. That's how crazy my lot of fucking you quit smoking crack by snorting fucking coke. That's the road. That's hard because they say I never got into a crime scene, but they say that's very hard to quit. I didn't even have a pipe. I was smoking out of a fucking can. That's how crazy the system all this talk. Because once I got to the comedy store, my level went like once I got to LA in 1997, I went from 97 straight to 2007. Then I stopped Angel. Can you believe that? Joy, what will happen if in the world of comedy, the comedians have to do a drug test? What will happen? I don't know about now, but in the 80s, nobody will work. The comedy club will have no business. It's amazing the amount of, you know, listen, but it's unfair to

say comedians. It's anybody. Anybody. And everybody's fucking on something, except Lee. This fucking guy doesn't do anything. What are you talking about? I'm so high right now. Yeah, because you tweet that you want to eat another one. No, let's see another half. I have one half. It's fine. Listen to that Jew music. Let me play some music. So I'm not gonna play this kind of music with two old school Cuban guys. I can't play that. Sure you can. Okay. Well, keep on music. No, he makes fun of me. I like this. This is what you want to see last week. You want to see a nice band last week. Listen, can they hear us in Armenia right now? What can they hear us in Armenia? Yeah, I got my Armenian friend here who want to say the best line from the movie Scarface, okay? Go ahead, leave on.

What's the music? Let him do it. You can set that up. Yeah, yeah. Say hello to my little friend. Oh, shit. You see what I'm saying? You said, Lee, what the fuck? You're slipping here. You're slipping here. It's a Sunday night special edition. Okay. And you're not prepared. For what? I live the ads plan to have this shit ready to rock. Okay. The fuck? The angel Salazar is here. You don't need this aggravation. He could be somewhere right now getting this pipe so and this is pretty fucking out. I did about an hour and a half and you went straight. No fucking nothing. No, all we said, we sat and watched the we sat and watched the opening act. So that's

music. Yeah, fucking some type of music. Yeah, I'm on the floor on the floor. That's you. This is me right here. That's me right there. No, but that's you on the floor over there. Yeah, that's me up there with Cuban party. Yeah, right there. That's me right there. Yeah, this is the one that we make of the longest y'all don't read a movie with Adam Sandler. And there was a scene that you're eating a cheeseburger, something with a cheeseburger. Remind me. Listen, fuck the longest y'all. We're going to talk about some shit here. Yeah. So you got you got Scarface first or you became a comedian first, which was Scarface first. Okay. So did you book Scarface out of New York City? Well, Los Angeles, New York City. What were you doing in New York at the time you got to call

for the idea? No, I was doing a plane in LA. And when I when I some people that made the call for me, they say, Oh, we don't want to use Mexicans. The figures, I was in LA, I was Mexican. They said, we're looking for Cubans. So that I say, you know what, I'm not going to wait until they come to LA. I'm going to go there. So I, I told the people in charge of the playlists, I'm going to go to New York and they hooked me up with an agent and I auditioned in New York. Yeah. And my friend, Jerry from Marty, Marty Breckman, Brian De Palma. I had like three or four callbacks. The last one, it was on a stage me, Steven Bauer and Pacino at the median colon Seattle in his kitchen. Yeah, that was the last audition. They first is the casting director, then the director, producer,

you know. So the last one was to see the chemistry between me and Manolo. Yeah. Now, do you know who else was up for your role? I guess a few people up for my role. Who was it? One of them was Andy Garcia. Okay, Andy. Andy Garcia, one in the part of Chichi. A couple of Mexican actors from LA, I forgot the name. The first, besides Pacino, the first people to get cast in the movie was me and Steven. Yeah, we're the first one. And Marty Breckman told Steven, listen, you got it, you got it under control. You got it. I just got to see the other actors for political, you know, bullshit. They had to go through procedures. So they saw bunch of actors

that were in and out, in and out. Yeah. So then, okay, so now you went to the fourth audition. When did they call you and tell you you had the role? Not long, within a few days. And when did you start shooting? You started shooting in Miami first, correct? No, the first shooting was in California. In California? Yeah. And how long did you shoot in California for? About two weeks in California. Then we went to Miami for three weeks. And what scenes did you shoot in California? Nothing. The only scene we shot in Miami was the chainsaw, the motel. Right. The motel, the Cuban sandwich, where they were working. That was in Miami. But most of it was

in California studio. The studio, all the studios, they had, they shot in Miami, all the exterior. Yeah. But I don't know what happened. I heard different stories. They said that the Cubans would have said that they're doing a movie about drug dealers, about Cubans, and they didn't want the crew there. So all kinds of story. But I think it's money because it was cheaper for them to shoot in Universal Studios and the lot, then on location. Oh, we were two weeks in Santa Barbara. Oh, in New York, another week. You remember the bomb in the Niza County? Yes. That was in New York one week, yeah. And then what did you shoot in Santa Barbara? So since Sosa House, went to Columbia. Yeah. Yeah, that was a big house, big mansion. Now,

the house where the Pacino live at the end, right, when he dies in the pool, the exterior is in Colorado Gables, in Miami. But inside is in Universal Studios. Yeah, it was inside Universal Studios. Yeah. What's up, Lee? This is really hit me right now. So it's funny, because you offered Angel, one of the medical marijuana cookies. And you've talked about partying and stuff, but you're like, no, no, no, no, no medical marijuana cookies. You know what, would you sit to the drugs we know? And we know, last week in Reno, one of the comedians gave me a paper money, one of papers, bro, I had a trip that I didn't enjoy. I got scared. I was nervous, because he just lasted all night. I was tripping. And I asked a guy, what the fuck did I take? Because he just

I'm not used to it. So nobody wanted me. Good for you. Yeah. So how long in between the last shot did it take for the movie to get released? Because this I was living in Colorado. Okay, I was done. I was living in Colorado. I was a burglar. I was going to school. And I landed Newark, February 1st of 1984. And the first thing they get my luggage, we're getting the car, my friends are smoking pot, they're doing coke. And they go, you see Scarface yet? And I go, no, what are you talking about? And they go, it's a new Pacino movie. I went to see it in Sea Caucus. I mean, I didn't go home to eat nothing. We went from the airport right to Scarface. And we went to the one o'clock or the two o'clock or the three o'clock in Sea Caucus,

and it was sold out. It was packed. We had a seat. We had a seat by ourselves. That's how fucking packed it was. It was released on Christmas. Christmas. And the joke was, Merry Christmas from Universal Studio. That was a joke, because it's a violent movie. Come on, Christmas. It's supposed to be a family week. Yeah, Merry Christmas from Universal Studio. And did your life change immediately? Yes. Yes, especially women in cocaine were free. Yes, we're free. Yeah. You know, there was a lot of gangster, a lot of big time gangster in Miami on the set, hanging out with us. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. I, one guy during lunchtime, around seven o'clock at night, we broke for lunch. He said, come on for a ride. Let's go,

you know. So I go in his car. We get stopped by the cops because one of the lights was not working or whatever. The cops look around and give him a ticket. And the guy, we, we go in the guy, go, oh my God, we are, we came so close. We are so lucky. I go, what? He said, let me show you something. On the trunk, he had two Oozies in the trunk that the cops didn't see. Can you imagine? I would have been jailed for accomplice, no? Jesus Christ, joy. And one guy, one guy took me to his house in Miami to say, you know, the movie you're doing, the stuff on the movie is not real. Let me show you something and show me a kilo. He has some crazy people hanging out on the movie set, bro. Oh, Miami was fucking crazy. In the 80s. In 1984, it was fucking crazy, man. It's hard to believe

that, like, there were regular people who just did the math and figured out they could sell blow. So they would get the people like your dad, who just went one day, pick up and get 30 grand and go to Miami. I didn't think he was gonna get in the cocaine business and take a plane back to Boston to try to sell it. It was fucking crazy. Yeah. The guy, the one guy that became a millionaire for doing, making the cigarette boats, the one that's skinning and go very fast, he did it for the drug dealers and it became like a fashion. Remember Miami Vice? Yeah. So everybody started buying it. The cigarette, they were fast. You ever seen those, the cigarette boats? It's really amazing what Scarface did. It just blended. It came out. The timing

was spectacular. It was, you know, because the Cubans had to come over in 80. Like, that whole thing went down in 79, but the Cubans started showing up in 80. Like, my fucking 83, they were everywhere. I remember getting weed on 160 at an Amsterdam and these motherfuckers were dark and I thought they were black and they were Cuban. Really? What the fuck? Now, how old were you when you came from Cuba? I was like 14, 14. Where did you go from? What part of Cuba? Guantanamo, Oriente. So where? To the, to the, to the Navy base, the sixth mile across. Right. And then where did you move to immediately? Well, at that time there was a house in Miami called La Casa de la Libertad, Freedom House, where they put the Cubans until they find a place for them. Some go to Connecticut,

somewhere. So I said, I want to be an actor. I want to go to Hollywood. So they found me a house in Orange County, Orange County. Are you by yourself? No, with what they call Faster Parents. Yeah. So when I became a teen, I went to New York to study acting. It's so funny because I went to Lee Strasburg, Stephen Manolo, he went to Stella Adler. You know, they're method acting. Right. Yeah. So I went to New York with that. And then I came back to LA to do plays and things like that. But when I came from Cuba, I knew what I wanted. I want to be an actor. There was no plan B. At 14. Yeah. You knew it. I knew what I wanted. So yeah. Where's the rest of your family? Casa's Uncle in Miami, but most of the families still in Cuba. No shit. And you've gone back.

I went back twice. And what do you think? The people are content. They don't talk politics. They seem very happy. How the hell they seem content? I don't get it because there's some time of the day where they have no water. Sometimes they have no electricity. But it's like nothing bothers them. You won't be able to live like that, right? They adapt. They adapt. They adapt. But here's the thing. When I went to Guantanamo, right, the first time, the first thing I asked my brother, where are the white people? Because a lot of the white folks left. So Castro is being supported by the person from the countryside and, you know, yeah, all the middle class people left, you know. So it's all dark? Well, not all

dark 100%, but this, yeah, yeah. Listen, a lot of the people, middle class people that live houses, real nice houses. And if you get the house to some poor black guy from the ghetto, of course you're going to be supporting for that, right? Yes or no? Yes. So they say, they say, well, when the communists end in Cuba, when it's over, and the Cubans are going to go back to Cuba and reclaim their houses, they are right. Who's going to get them people out of the houses they've been living there for 40 years, right? No way. 40 fucking years. Yeah, no way. Yeah, no way. Because that's what he did. Something in Russia, didn't he do that in Russia? They give the houses to the poor people and have like 10 people living inside. That was a long time ago. Yeah, the revolution, yeah.

Now you got to pay rent. They don't fuck around in Russia, Jack. No. 10% every fucking day. They got to pay rent now. Somebody knocks on your door every day. What is the yum yum juice, bitch? Yeah. We showing up and we don't want no cafe, Cubano. No cafe. It's amazing that I still have a sister there. Oh, yeah. I recently got in touch with a lot of people, you know, I got in touch with cousins. My cousins are in the national band, you know, Echies. Really? Yeah, man. It's crazy. They're all musicians. Wow. Hey, you ever saw Celia Cruz in concert? I saw Celia Cruz at my mother's bar. Really? Are you mom's bar? Little kid. Drinking at the bar. Yeah. Wow. And she asked for sugar. The real stuff. The fake stuff. The real fucking stuff. Yeah, this is no shit.

Celia Cruz is the queen of salsa. Cuban lady. And she passed away and she swear I will never go to Cuba until Fidel is gone. And she never went back. She was at your birthday party, right? Yeah. My mother had a bar in 29th and Bergen line. And you know, she do a lot of those people. So they would come to the bar. I saw Celia a couple times. I never seen a perform. I saw her at like a social thing. Oh, like a social type situation. She'd go to the bar for 15 minutes. She'd have a driver outside, you know, stuff like that. I was really fortunate when I was there. There's a, there's a, I believe one Cuban trumpet player, a very famous Cuban, Andy Garcia helped him to come here.

Chow, those guys. Yeah, one of those guys plays the bass. I got one of the songs. Yeah. Yeah. And Celia Cruz, not Celia Cruz, Gloria Estefan. When, remember, a lot of Maria Litos was sent back and they didn't know what to do with them. And they was talking Guantanamo for wow. And Celia Cruz, when they are not Celia Cruz, Gloria Estefan, when they're to the free concert. And she got them out? No, no, I don't know she got them out, but she went there for anything to entertain those Cubans that were holding, holding in there because I've realized something. Speaking of music. Oh, shit. It's our usual little Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett, look at the, my Armenian business

partner is going to take over. I'm going to use the bathroom. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So I want to be around Oh, come pick up the piece. Cummings. It's Monday to the microphone. September 8, all the beautiful day to be alive is Levan. Get up. Wash your nuts. Go out there. The world is waiting for you. All slots are on fucking Monday. Keep playing it. Keep playing it. It's a beautiful fucking jam. Wait, what's the story? I'm pretty high right now. You're always fucking high. I know. Not have you coughed? Not really that much. Who takes care of you like me? You think it's those fucking stomink, your CVS cops, you got that? It might be. No, what flavor are they? Honey, something? Yeah, honey, honey lemon. Hummus and fucking, oh God's juice. And

you know what they do for your throat? What? Nothing. It's that fucking weed. I told you, relax. You're not a little tight like a mook that you came in a little tight like a martian. You all serious? You didn't see the wife this weekend. I did. We had lunch yesterday. You didn't give her a stab in the hallway and pull her hair. You were due to leave that fucking monkey. No, what am I going to do with the mom? I can't fuck the mom. Give her five bucks. Tell her to go around the corner and get cheese. And what the room that has pictures of the Virgin Mary and crosses everywhere and the dead dog on the counter. Just turn the lights off and jizz on the tits. I don't fucking know what they're talking about. I'm just trying to help you out here.

And then Giles, I love you, cock sucker. Bobby Powers, kind of Wilson, death squad. All of it. Or everything. I love you, Charlotte, Leon Vega. I love you, cock sucker. Dan Pazzini, Joyce Gugubai, and Rob Fitzpatrick, you bad motherfucker. Over here giving you some shout-outs, because I love you. Had a great weekend with the family. What do you do? I do everything. What did I do? It's a point in our life right now where it's fucking amazing. It really is. The wind is out of my sail. Do you see Terry's eye yet? What happened? Oh, I go to fucking physical therapy on Friday. By the way, for people asking, the knee is tremendous. I went last Friday. The knees at 125. The other knees at 135. Once the knee hits 130 for the curve, I'm done. It's a 12-week

program. They're going to kick me out after three or four weeks. How long can you do on the bike now? Could you start off at like five minutes? I did 30 today. I hit the bag for 10. I knocked the bag. The bag is done at the Y. I did all my regular exercises, you know, toe raises and squats. You got to get a ball and get back and leg raises. You got to strengthen the muscles around the kneecap, and then you got to do all these basic shit. It's all this. It's just basic stuff. I finally got the machines, the squat machine, with no weight. I do three sets of 10. I do the leg extension, the leg curl, three sets of 10. And I did the epileptical for one minute. One minute. Can I start somewhere? Tomorrow will be three minutes. Wednesday will be five. Are you doing the

regular one, or they have this new phantom one that's like you're climbing up? That one looks fucking hard. I don't want to put no stress on my knees. I just had surgery. Tuesday will be two weeks, you know, so I'm not in business to be GSP or anything. I'm trying to develop this slow and along the way. Fucking Friday, I was in the phone with John Budd from VMAG. You know, we're talking about jujitsu, and he goes, are you going to come to the beginner class tonight? And I actually forgot. Like, I was like, you know what? That's not a good idea. I'll be there at seven o'clock, and I hang up with him, and I go drive around, and it just dawned on me. But I just told John that I was going to do jujitsu class tonight, and I was too embarrassed to call him back and go,

John, I just had fucking surgery. It's kind of hard because I haven't been able to go to the gym this week, and I even asked the nurse because someone said to me, oh, just sweat, oh, the mother-in-law said, you should go sweat it out. And so just for the sake of it, I asked the doctor. I said, hey, does that work? And she said, no. She said that during the summer, a lot of people want to be active, so they come in saying I've been sick for three months, but I'm working out. So she said, don't do it. Don't do it. I know for a fact that, listen, I've done it a thousand times, but here's the deal. A couple of times when I was trying to lose weight, I did it, and I got sicker. I got sicker. So what the fuck is the, sometimes to move forward, you go back.

So what's the, you know what I'm saying? Just take the week off, do something else, work on push-ups in your house, turn the air conditioning low, don't really break a sweat. Breaking a sweat is the whole thing. When the fucking sweat's on your shirt, now you're in your car, you know, that's all part of it. So just take a couple of days off. No, I'm fine. Actually, I've lost weight, but it's a... No, no, you're looking good. Look at you. Flex with these people at home. Show them the muscle. Have you started lifting it? You popped the air? You got some of the black muscle. What else are you gonna get them?

That's what I'm saying. You gotta start doing these steroids. You gotta what? You said by the end of the year, you're gonna look like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like a Jew Arnold Schwarzenegger with muscles on top of muscles. That'd be great. That's right. The Yamacan, though. You gotta have the Yamacan. You gotta have the Yamacan. What the fuck? But no, everything is... So how's Mercy doing? She's almost... She's 20 months tomorrow. Yeah, wow.

That's how she's doing it. She's about to drive next month. What the fuck do you think she's doing? I don't know, but why don't you take a look at Montessori. It was very nice. We'll have to put her in there two days a week. She went in there like... They're starting preschool already? Yeah, she's gonna start preschool in January, though. Wow. We're in the process right now for shit in the toilet. Is that hard?

Oh, she pisses and shit to the ground. She's pissing the ground. I had a... She pissed outside the bathroom door the other day. My ass is over there with a towel. Like fucking Carrie's mother with a fucking towel cleaning outside. I guess she shit in the tub two nights ago. It's a kid, man. She's a fucking kid. A lot of fun. You got kids, brother?

Yes, I do. How many? Two. Two. They're a lot of fun. And I'm 50 fucking one. Where am I going? I gotta chase a fucking 20-month-old. She's lightning, bro. Fast, yeah.

Lightning. It's tough. The last two weeks have been a little tough with her since I had the surgery. I think I'll do a little better this week. You're not gonna get that leash for the kids? No, but I'm happy. Everything's going well. I've been writing the thing for Ari. I'm performing the 15th at the Cheetah. This is not happening. And then the 18th to the 20th, I'm at the Bray Emperor with Matt Fultron and my Mandy Agostino. Then the following week, I'm at Gotham Comedy Club in New York, New York.

We ain't fucking around. Late shows, right? Late shows. 12.45, Friday and Saturday. Shut the window to her in times two. Take the woman out to dinner then come on down to Gotham. And then we got the last factory starting October 8th. I'm hosting a new Death Squad series.

Once a month, we're gonna do the podcast, we'll sing and we'll dance and we try people. Which one? Which lab factory? The one at fucking Long Beach. Oh, okay. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Take the 7, 10, watch your pussy. We'll be down there. But besides that, everything is on target, man.

The podcast is going great. You're losing weight. The holidays are coming up. Yeah. What the fuck? And we're still writing a book. The book me and Jessica still put the book here. How's she doing? She doing good?

Jessica was in Colorado for a few days. And I keep having to give a shout out to the dispensary she works at in San Diego. I think it's Alpha. They gave me a couple containers of weed that was smoking weed. Tremendous? Tremendous. Like some purple shit and a PR they had, like a private reserve. I like smoking again.

I really do. Out of what? Pipe? I smoke out of a pipe. I don't smoke a third of what I used to fucking smoke. Like if I get a gram from fucking that sunset place on Burbank, it lasts me four fucking days now. Is it hitting you?

Because I remember when you stopped, you were like, I was smoking four joints and nothing. Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing. The pipe is fucking immaculate. The pipe is always spotless clean. So nothing sticks to the pipe inside. That's the thing. You like the Nauphrio and full metal jacket.

I fucking clean that thing like the Nauphrio. This is my pipe. It's only my pipe. It's the only one I'll ever have. I soaked that motherfucker in two alcohols last week. And I said, I'm going to smoke with a clean pipe. And every time I go out there now, I clean it after I smoke. I go out there and take one pipe full in the morning.

Like not when I get up. See, the secret was I was waking up and hitting the pipe and hitting it right in the morning. Your lungs wouldn't even have a chance to fucking grow and breathe. I was just killing my lungs in the morning. Now I relax. I get a little coffee. I eat some breakfast.

I take a shower. I make a few calls. Like a gentleman. Done. I fucking drop a little fucking number. Caduce. A number? And then I go on and do my business.

Then I don't smoke again at 10. I don't smoke again at 11. I smoke down like 7.30 at night. Bam! You can't walk on one leg? Then I go do a spot. I go run errands, whatever the fuck I do at night. And about 11.30, bam!

Again with a cup of coffee. Who's better than Uncle fucking Joe? They follow me, so they're saving my lungs. I'm excited about going back to Jiu-Jitsu. I was reading last week. I've been doing these exercises with the ball. Those big balls that you see. I've been doing these leg exercises for my knee.

But then they made me do these hip things. So I got my friend Salami gave me the Andrei Galvao book. Who's he? He had to do Andrei Galvao's Jiu-Jitsu. Got to just beat Channel Sonnet. Meta Morris. I don't know what he said. Where the fuck did he go?

He's probably taking his shit. Who the hell knows? He just beat Andrei Galvao and Meta Morris. And he has this book on how to be a better Jiu-Jitsu guy in one year. He has all these drills in the book and whatnot. And he's got a whole section of what the stuff he do with the medicine balls.

So I started doing that a little bit. Just to work out my fat stomach. Just to get a little stronger around the core. I got no complaints, man. Last week I had a great week of sets at the store. I'd been bombing there. I'd been bombing at the store for two and a half weeks. I had to get to, you know, like we said before,

that store has a, it's a tough fucking room, you know. It has an energy. It's a weird energy. And I'll tell you, last week I did three spots in there. Two at the Laugh Factory. I did one in Hollywood and one at the, and it just feels good. It feels good to get out there and write comedy again, you know.

How long has it been since you've gone out? Because it was a while. It was months when you're doing just weekends. How long has it been since you like done workout sets? I'm gonna be as honest as I can with you. I moved here in 97 and Lee, I cannot lie to you. I can't look in the eye and lie to you. This is, we were a team and when I got here,

I didn't think I, I didn't think I took a night off for about three or four years. Shit. I just didn't see it. That was the work, that was the work ethic. At least it was for me at the time, you know. It's only like 15, 20 minutes. When I met Rogan, that's something.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Remember in those days, I was Sam Tripoli, me, Sam. We didn't go on until one. So you said hang out like. I spent around one. No, we didn't hang. Only fucking stiffs, huh? You set your night early.

So at eight o'clock, you get in your car and you would warm up percent at some open mic. No money, whatever, just warm up percent. So you did like a full shift every night? Every fucking night. And then I would drive to one of Felipe's rooms or one of Willie Barcelona's rooms. And I would fucking, and I would do a set there with two sets

and then fly would have a room. And I would do one of Fly's rooms. And then now I would go get 80, 60, 80 dollars, maybe 150 some nights. Then I would get to the store. And it really doesn't matter what time you get there. I'm the one o'clock set. I'm one AM.

So even if I get that quarter after one, it doesn't matter. There's going to be a fucking stage for me, you know. Now they give me 11 o'clock spots, you know. It's amazing how you work yourself up the ladder. So it's been an experience, man. Yeah, you've been excited the past few nights. Very fucking excited. No, I mean, listen, I was coming here

and I was not preaching about getting out of your comfort zone would be disgusting. And I was living it. You know, I was going to bed at 10. I was riding minimally, you know. If I'm home during the week, I would get a set of John Lovett's on Saturday, maybe the Ha Ha Wednesday.

Listen, when you're doing stand up, you cannot grow on two sets a week. And I know just going in. I knew this from being here. You just heard English Salazar said, that I got really strong in the short period of time. Because it's not how many people you shoot. It's who you shoot.

You know, you have to mix up your sets. You just can't go to one place when you're fucking starting out and expect this huge things to come. You got to go to different venues to test your material. You were there when I was doing the cat bit. You've heard the cat bit in front of that squad people. It's gold. At the comedy store, it died two times in front of you.

Yeah. You understand me? I had to adjust. And that's what stand up comedy is. You're back. Look at you. You're back like fucking AC DC in 1981. AC DC.

Did you check that place out when you were in Reno? The cat house? No, no, I never went to a cat house. It's in Reno, right? Yeah. It's like the master ranch? Yeah, the bunny ranch. The bunny ranch?

Yeah, get closer to the mic, Papa. Yeah. Anyway, joy, joy, joy. So when we're going to do a show together, brother, you and me. Whatever you want, brother. Yeah, let's do it. Do something in Miami. Let's do something in Miami.

Maybe no, I got New Year's already. Where are you for New Year's? I am in Cleveland, Ohio. Again? Yeah, different club. Which club are you then? It's outside Cleveland. It's like 45 minutes from Cleveland near Akron.

Near Akron. Uh, what was I... Is that on your schedule? Yeah, it's on my schedule, yeah. What's on your schedule? Now, I used to work near every weekend. I'm working every week, but the past three weeks has been this money. What I mean this money is the money that we used to,

close to what we used to get paid 10 years ago. Right. Because a few months ago, I was doing those Mickey Mouse gig one night at a nightclub at a restaurant with like $300, you know, it's coffee money. So it's nice to make some decent money, right? And you still get a lot of people that come to see you on the markets. Still a lot of Latins come to see you crazy. A lot of Latins.

And believe it or not, when I do places like Atlantic City, the casino, a lot of my fans are older people. For some reason, the old folks like my show too. Well, we're old folks now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're fucking old folks now. Now, what happened to El Barrio and all that shit on the show?

Oh, El Barrio, man. We came close to get a deal, but it didn't happen. We came close to get a deal, but John Leguzamo beat us with a house of backing that he did for a few months. Yeah. It was basically the same show. The same fucking show. Yeah.

Hey, it's who you know sometime in the business, right? He had a connection with HBO. Yeah. He still, he still has a fucking connection with HBO. He keeps rewriting the same shit. Yeah. Hey, Joey, why did Carlos Mencía, the mind of Mencía, close down? It shut down, right?

He did six years. He did six years. They did how many years? Five or six, right? No way. Not alone. Yeah. I thought it was only like a year or two.

No, they did a couple of seasons. Really? David Thierry was one of the writers. I'm not sure. I know Chris McGuire was on them. He did four seasons. Four seasons. Or four years.

Oh, five to eight. It could have been. How many episodes? Let's find out. Not very good. I am DB Reviews. You know, I'm working 52. I'm working next month in Denver for the first time.

You know, I started in Denver. Yeah, right, right. And I'm working at the Improv. And I wanted to work with Jimmy Obeda. You know, Jimmy Obeda? Mexican kid. You know, Jimmy. I heard the name, yeah.

You know, Mexican kid. Real nice kid. He's been in Denver for doing comedy for 20 years, you know. And I wanted to use him. And I fought real hard for Jimmy. I said it would be a two-headed line of show. And Jimmy was one of those guys that got me started. When I first started, Jimmy got me on the HBO tour with Carlos.

And at that time, it was you. It was Carlos, you know. It's amazing. Things have changed. And you're still doing your thing. Carlos is still doing his, you know. Carlos did well for himself for a long time. Carlos did great.

He did great. He did great. He was too young to. He did great. I remember. He did great. He did great. The fast, yeah.

2000, from 2000 to 2007, seven, eight years. Even before, no. Even before that. Because I opened for Carlos in 1994 with Jimmy Obeda. And Carlos was already. Yeah, he was already starting again. Already. Selling 2000 seats, 1800.

Yeah. Yeah. In Denver. Absolutely fucking losing. It's amazing how he lasted for a long time. And you know, say what you want to say. You know, he was one of the pioneers. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I didn't talk to him a lot. I didn't talk to him at the store when I got there, you know. I saw him at the ice house. And he's super skinny. I didn't recognize him. Somebody had to tell me who it was. When was this? A couple of weeks ago.

No, it was years. It was when Felicia was there. It's just, uh, it's just. You did a documentary? Somebody told me that they downloaded a documentary you did. Him and I, uh, did a doc. I went back and I showed my mother's grave. And I interviewed some of my friends in New Jersey.

That's it. That was it? Oh, that was it. It was not a comedy documentary? Oh. You know, man, I do enough comedy. Yeah. I want to get to see who the fuck I was, you know.

It was brief. We're trying to do another one. You know, we're trying to run the process right now. We're doing two or three more, but, you know, it takes time. Yeah. What is Joe Rogan doing nowadays? He does a podcast. He does the UFC, you know.

This is called podcast? Podcasting. What's that mean? It's, uh, it's a show, like a radio show, only in a different media. It's a podcast. People downloaded it every other day. So tomorrow, Monday at three in the afternoon, a thousand, a couple thousand, hundred thousand people be having, you know, living room.

Wow. Manolo did a couple of weeks ago. Stephen did, uh, Stephen did Beauty and the Beast. He did the one I had with Felicia. Oh, but not the same one. Not this one. This is a different one. Oh, the Beauty and the Beast.

Yeah. That's the one I was doing two, three years ago. Oh. This is the new one. This is, uh, this is the new Angel. Yeah. How many weeks have you been doing here? Hey, this place, three months.

Three months. Yeah. But we've done, this is like 211. This is like 211. And we do about, we do about two weeks, sometimes three, but mostly two. Two a week, two a week. Really?

Have you ever done it when you go to a comedy club and you interview comedians after the show? After they done? Never. Nah. No? So much work? Who wants to, who wants to talk after the fucking show? Yeah, that's true.

I just did fucking two hours. You want to ask me questions about my childhood, who my wife is, and you know, what the fuck? That's true. You're still living in the Bronx? Uh, well, yes and no, yes and no. I, uh, I was living in Brooklyn for a while. Yeah, Brooklyn. For how long?

For God, for about two or 15 years. They sold the house and the new landlord didn't want attendance. So I'm staying in Brooklyn and in Bronx. Everything that I own is on storage because I'm going to be moving to the West Coast for a few months. You know, I'm going to stay here for a while. So everything that I own is on storage. And so I'm staying with the girl in the Bronx. Okay.

Yeah. Are you going to come back to LA? Come back to LA? Yeah, because, uh, this place smells like money. Really? I can smell the money. Okay. Yeah.

They're shooting a lot of things in New York now, change. They are. That's what I heard. A lot of shit. That's what I heard. Yeah, I shoot a couple of 40 politics this year and some films and. That's what I heard. Yeah.

All right. Are you, are you working on anything? I'm not working on a dick. Nothing. I'm working on the podcast. I'm going to go on the road for a few weeks. Yeah. I'm writing a book with a friend of mine, Jessica.

I'm, uh, you know, I'm doing a couple of things and I'm happy. I have a baby. Oh, that's why. I have a 19-month-old baby. You talk about that at the, at the last factory or not. Yeah, you did. I have a baby. I have no time really.

I can't really make plans. Yeah. When I walk in the house, I don't know what I'm going to walk into. If you're the other friend of mine called me, the dog I'm in your neighbor, let's do lunch. I said, I'm headed home. For starters, it'll take me 15 minutes to put ice on my knee. But I got to be honest with you.

I don't know what I'm walking into. I may be walking into her not sleeping. She wants to jump on my lap or I might walk home and she might be fucking sleeping. That's it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you never know, bro.

But you can go to not far from Los Angeles, Vegas and do shows in Vegas. I do shows across the country. I'm going to New York in September. Yeah. I'm going to Denver in October and Baltimore and Miami. I'm going to fucking Portland and Philadelphia. I'm traveling.

Oh, OK, OK. And when I travel, my wife stays with the baby. Yeah, right, right. And it's OK. I mean, I miss her, but I have to go work. You know, I love going stand-up comedy. And this is what the fuck we do. This is how the lights stay on.

So, yeah. I see how it stays on. I can't switch governments at this fucking age. What the fuck would they thinkly? If you switch governments, they would hate that. Well, I think. So do you have a lot of things planned in LA now that you're moving here?

Well, I wrote a movie called Cuban Sandwich. OK. And I'm pitching it right now to a few people here in LA. So that's my number one project I'm doing. And then I do the role for money to pay bills. Yeah, because you can't pay bills just walking in LA in New York City. You know, that's coffee money.

Yeah, you got to get out there and work. And it's good to go out. Listen, when you're a stand-up comic, that's what you do. You know, I don't fucking like getting up at 3.30 on a Wednesday morning and driving to LAX and looking for a parking spot and taking Edible and checking in and hoping to get an upgrade and flying. And you know, it's not something that I aspired to do

when I was fucking growing up. But that's the job of a stand-up comedian. That's what you have to do. You have to fucking get up. You have to write jokes. You have to perform. You have to stay healthy. You know, you got to worry about your health.

You can't be fucking eating bad pussy. You know, you eat bad pussy. You got a throat infection. Who wants to talk to you? Who's going to listen? Your breath smells like dick. You know, what are you going to do, Lee? How are you going to act?

Bad pussy smells like dick. Whatever the fuck it smells like. I don't know what it smells like. I'm just trying to talk to you here, Lee. Angel, it was a fucking pleasure. Like I said, you made it possible for me to know I had a chance. Do you know what I'm saying?

There wasn't a lot of Cubans doing this shit. I bumped into Andy Garcia in Denver in 94. But I think you made it seem more attainable for me than Andy Garcia. Oh, really? You let me know that I could do it. Do you know what I'm saying? So thank you, brother.

Ever since I seen Scarface and I heard the voice, oh, yeah, I said it, but I'm like, I'm on. I'm on. And I know that that's him. You know, I always knew that was him. And I like how he said it. So there's certain Cubans I fucking can't stand. I like you, Doug.

You're the real deal. Thank you, Bob. The rest of these motherfuckers, they don't know dick about dick. Let me give a shout out to the sponsors. We'll get out of here. Try this marijuana if you're going to go home. What is that? What is that?

That's a green hornet by Gumi Bear. First sponsor on it, helping me out with Strung Bone. They don't fuck around while I'm healing. Between the ice, between the fucking Aleve and Strung Bone, they're helping me out. I got to be honest with you. Somebody said, sent me an email last week and asked me how my knee was instead of what they were doing.

They're recovering from a shoulder injury and Strung Bone helping me out. If you're recovering from an injury and you want to give it a shot, I'm not talking about your leg is broken and you don't want to go to the fucking hospital. So you want to buy Strung Bone to mend it. Don't be a fucking jack off.

I'm talking about you sprained your ankle and you want to help that up situation. You put nice on it. You're staying off it. You know what I'm saying? That type of shit. You're taking care of yourself. You're drinking water.

You're stretching your feet. Go to honet.com. See what they got to offer you. Alpha Brain. They got the hemp force, protein shakes. They got the immune. They got, I mean, what's the name? Shroom Tech.

Immune. Shroom Tech. Sport. Sport. If you want to fucking run up hills and do backflips, like circus, D-S-L-A. Who doesn't? Listen to what I ask you.

Go to honet.com if you're interested. And you're going to be interested if you read up. If you know what the fuck it is. It's not a vitamin B. It's not a supplement. It's optimization. You're going to be a bad motherfucker. Go to honet.com and press the code word.

Church. Church, bitch. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get 10% off. Let's say you want to send the house every month. Like my people at Dollar Shave Club. Go to stayonet.com. Get an extra 10% off.

And it gets mail right through your fucking house. Who's better than you, Angel? Number two, Dollar Shave Club. Why do you want a razor that has a flashlight on it? And a finger that you stippled up your ass? And a nose trim? We don't need that shit. All you need is two pieces of fucking metal

that's sharpened in your shade. Why do you want to go stand online like a fucking mook? And lose weight when you could be getting your dicks up? What would you rather do? Get your dicks up or stand online? That's how I'm helping you. I'm helping you to get your dicks up. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now.

Right now, today, look at the options you got. You got a dollar, you got $6, and you got, what, $8, $9? Let me get one of those waters. And you see I'm over here seeing fucking camels. I'm seeing fucking camels. I'm so dry over here. Just you have to tell me.

Because I'm stoned till it gives me. Me too. All right, we're back for $9. Dollar Shave Club. You're going to go over there $1, $6 or $9. $9. And you're going to pick the package that you want. Whatever options.

You want one razor, you want that. Let me tell you something. It's the best razor I still shave with Dollar Shave Club. I don't fuck around. I still get the razor sent to my house. In fact, sometimes I shave them. Sometimes they go for two weeks. That's how good a quality is.

Why you don't let me? Go to Dollar Shave Club. Give it a shot. Why you listen to me for? How many times I got to fucking tell you? Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. Go to the box and press. Church.

C-H-U-R-C-H. Get $1, $6 or $9 a month. You're paying too much for fucking razors. Cut this shit. Get your fucking life together. Number two, Hulu Plus. I love you, cocksuckers. Hulu Plus, you're changing lives.

You're saving money for people. And at the end of the week, that's what the church what's happening now. Not only can you come on here and listen to Angel Salazar, AKA Chichi, AKA fucking Lamano and Nayla, you could fucking get deals on shit. You could learn shit. You could learn how to fucking smuggle weed through a border.

You could learn how to put coke in your left nut sack. Correct? That's what happens. You listen to the church. They're going to play this tape at the trial. I don't give a fuck. What trial? Any trial.

This is America. Ben Franklin. Remember, they signed the fucking paper. Yeah? Declaration of Independence. You could talk. We're free. All right.

HuluPlus.com. Wait a minute. You know what started five days ago? You know what started seven days ago? Tell me. South Park for free. Oh, shit. Exclusively.

Exclusively. And nowhere else. Just on HuluPlus.com. HuluPlus.com is so much fucking more. They got tarant season episodes. Every fucking episode. And you know what? HuluPlus works on any streaming device.

The real cool, the fucking smart TV, the Apple TV, the Xbox, the computer. I don't give a fuck. After you stab her, you can press the computer in the fucking lung and you can watch your show on her eyeballs. I don't give a fuck. That's HuluPlus.com. They got tremendous shows on there.

Just open the mouth for the sound. Just open them. I don't give a fuck. Check it out. You got the awesomes with Seth Meyers. You got fucking the originals. Quick draw. We're not fucking around here.

Go to HuluPlus right now. $7.99 a month. Plus, here's what gets better. I'm giving you two weeks for free. Galati. Galati. Galati. When was the last time you went to a corner?

You went to a dealer and you said, listen, I'm going to buy Coke for me every fucking month, but I want you to give me two weeks for free. Would they do that, Angel? Hey, this is a family show. This is a family show. Okay. Good.

Okay. Would they do that? Someone say money. Nobody would give you two weeks for free of anything. Right? No, no, nobody gives you nothing. No, I know. But this.

HuluPlus gives you two weeks for free. Go to HuluPlus.com. Why are you fucking around? Why are you giggling, Lee? LuluPlus. Hulu. Galati. Galati.

What fucking Lulu? Dos Semanas. Hulu. Hulu. L-U-Plus.com. Right now, HuluPlus.com. Slash Joey. Get slash Joey and get two weeks for free.

What are they pressing about? Joey. Slash Joey. Just Joey. Press Joey. Get two weeks for free at 7. I am nine a month. HuluPlus.com.

I also want to talk to you about this company. I love what they're doing. I love the letters I'm getting, the emails from people. Hit esig.com. You're taking the quitting smoking? This is the way to go. You start with 24 milligrams. You collect down to 16, then to eight.

Next thing you know, you're just smoking fucking vapors. And you know what? You're going to live. Why are you going to walk around with a hole in your neck? Who's going to invite you to parties? You know what I'm saying? You ever have those people in your party that show up with a hole in their neck?

They bring everybody down. It's like farting and fucking not opening up a window. You don't want those people around. You want to quit smoking. You want to be healthy. Go to hitesig.com. They ain't fucking around. You understand me?

On top of that, they're tremendous. They last longer. Everybody else? You got one of these fucking hitesigs, one of these stores. You're done in a day. This motherfucker, 1,200 pups. Two second pups.

1,200 fucking pups. Oh, that's what it is? 1,200 fucking pups. Oh, I see what I'm talking about. I'm going to give you a cigar. I'm going to give you a cigar range. Are you going to fucking? This guy, nicotine?

Nicotine. Eight milligrams, 16 milligrams, 24 milligrams. I got a fucking cigar that's got 16 milligrams. What's it do to you? What's it do? Oh, it's electric. It's not real. No, it's electric.

But right now, I could smoke and blow smoke in your fucking face. I'm in a restaurant in LA. Really? Because it's vapors. This is vapors. This is hitesigs.com. This is the future. Why are you paying so much for these fucking fake things at stores?

This year lasts longer and it tastes fucking tremendous. But I, you got nicotine. It's got nicotine. Go to hitesigs.com. Press what in the box? Joey's Church. Joey's Church and get 20% off right now. Today.

Today. Stop fucking around. They got the fucking nicotine ones. This is zero nicotine. That's blueberry, right? No, I don't. What am I, Puerto Rican? I don't know.

I thought that was blueberry. I don't fucking smoke a flavor. Maybe like blueberry. No, I don't like fucking blueberry. I don't even like blueberry cereal. Cock-Suck. I don't know what you got it salt me for. Anyway, I got an itchy eye here.

Go to hitesigs.com. Get 20% off. What are they pressing the box? Joey's Church. I'm going to give Angel a couple of these things. The other thing Hitesigs is doing, they got to give away free tickets to my New York City show. It got them September 26 and 27.

I have details for you on Wednesday. I love you, Cock-Suck. It's Angel. Without you, I wouldn't even be in this fucking room. I love you, Cock-Suck. Thank you for dropping me in. That's my main man. That's a badass Armenian right there.

Yeah. Lee, who's better than you and the fucking Jews? Nobody. Nobody. Lee, thank you for showing up tonight. Thank you. I know you've been sick. Your pussy hurts.

No, but this edible, I was really scared about doing the edible out of the sick, but this really helped. Lee, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Joey Benenas. Oh, you think I lie? I fuck him. I have you around because I hate you.

I love you. I want you to be healthy. He was over you. Can I eat a half of it? Why? In fact, I'm going to give you the other half of this so you can try it out. I'm good.

You're going to feel tremendous. I'll be Tom's cigar. Who gives a fuck? So what? You got an Uber. How much you got hitting under your mattress? 40 jeans. I love you guys.

Stay black. Thank you, Angel. Thank you, man. Thanks. Put some music on, Frange. We'll read the ad. Throw some music on. We'll see you next time.

All right. Not too many years. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial. Thank God you're meeting. The free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus does you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet.

Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeydeas.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. Don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com, get high quality razors, send to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church

or just go to joeydeas.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. The show's also sponsored by honest.com. Go there to get strong bone, alpha brain, new mood, anything like that. Use code word church to get 10% off. And lastly, you would hit e-sigs to get the best vapor pen on the market. Use code word joey's church to get 20% off.

Better tasting, longer lasting. And the proof is in the e-sig. Oh my god, I can't believe I got through it. I can't believe I got through it. Can you believe I got through it? No, I fucking can't. I'm happy you just got sucked up. If you want to buy a house,

we have a house for sale on the 101 freeway. A million and three hundred fifty thousand. Ay, que lindo. Coño, la banco. Ah, agua que va a caer. El hudo te va moja. Ah, agua que va a caer. El hudo te va caer.

Ah, agua que va a caer. El hudo te va moja. Ah, agua que va caer. El hudo te va moja. Ah, agua que va caer. El hudo te va caer. Ah, agua que va caer. El hudo te va moja.

Ah, agua que va caer. El hudo te va caer. Ah, agua que va caer. El hudo te va caer. Ah, agua que va caer. I think we're going to have a movie. Ah, what's going to happen? We're going to have a movie.

Ah, what's going to happen? We're going to have a movie. Ah, what's going to happen? We're going to have a movie. What's going to happen? What's going to happen?