Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #214 | UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Thursday, November 17th… This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped & BlueChew… MANSCAPED Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code JOEY at https://manscaped.com BLUECHEW Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping!  Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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You're going to enjoy Blue Chew, trust me. BlueChew.com will code Joey for your first month free. BlueChew.com for more important safety information. I want to thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the joint. Let's get this party started today. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday. No, Thursday, the motherfucking 17th of November.

We're a week away from Thanksgiving. That's a fucking reality. And then as soon as Thanksgiving is over, as soon as that football game is over on Thursday, you don't even have time to fucking blink. They just start shooting Christmas that year. Charlie Brown shows up with cookies. It's a nonstop six-weeker. And there's some people like, you know, there's some people who, listen, I love the holidays.

How can you not? When I lived in LA, I tell you what makes a big fucking difference living in LA by the holidays. And I never thought I would say this. And it's the biggest pussy as shit I could say. You want me to tell you what? I'm not going to miss other holidays like that. How bad the holidays were for me for 23 years. I didn't understand why.

And this is the dumbest thing I came up with. No snow. It's hard to jump up and down and sing jingle bells when it's fucking 65 degrees outside. It really is, guys. I had a really hard time with that. And before I even made this statement, I just wanted to think about, like, if you grew up in Florida, or if you grew up in Texas, or if you grew up in places that you didn't have snow for Christmas, then you really don't understand.

But you always do want to see a Christmas with fucking snow. So it's kind of weird how I was talking about this the other day. I think what my wife about, like, the differences in the holidays, like the last two holidays that we've had here, the first holiday we were in fucking limbo, we didn't know what to do. And then last year, the holiday was better. I got COVID the 24th of fucking December. But still, the feeling is better.

Like, I still remember the holidays in Colorado. Oh, my God. In this village, you could smell the wood-burning stoves in the air and the fucking snow everywhere. And that really makes a fucking difference when you're trying to push a winter wonderland. You know, in California, you're pushing a winter wonderland. But the fucking sun is out, and people going to goddamn beach. So really, really fucking, like, you don't even know until you're out of it, like how much I was affected by just the sunshine on Christmas.

You want it to be snowy. At Christmas Day, you want the sun to be out. I was telling somebody, somebody was asking me about Colorado. My last Christmas in Colorado, guys, it snowed. Check it out. Go look it up. December 24th of 1994, it must have snowed three fucking feet. Two and a half feet, like one of those snowstorms where everything is locked in.

Forget your fucking car. If you don't have snow boots, you're in no danger. If you don't have those things like Eskimos and two poles, you're in no fucking danger. And I'll never forget this, man. Fucking Christmas Day, it was fucking 70 degrees. Like, I remember going to work freezing and coming out of work and everything was melted. All the fucking iris boulevard was, it looked like a fucking lake. It was like three inches on the streets.

Fuck, and it was tremendous. But yeah, without snow, man, it really makes to a fucking hard holiday. And I never knew that. And I know some people are fucking thinking about what I said right now, but it makes a difference. If you grow up in the Northeast or with snow, like if you grow up in Montana or something like that, you got fucking snow. But then you leave that. And I don't think you notice a difference. Like when I went to Colorado, I didn't really fucking notice a difference.

Please, there's fucking snow in the summer in Colorado. But it's been a good week so far. I'm excited for the show next week in Philadelphia. I've always loved Philadelphia. Parks Casino is great. They got great food. Lee's coming down. I'm excited.

Fucking Parks Casino. Last time I went to Parks, I had a blast. Blast. And I didn't gamble. I think I played like five bucks in the roulette. If anything about Philly that always gets me is the fucking people. The people in Philly are like nowhere else in the fucking country. I was looking at my joke list the other night for Philly.

It's dirty. I mean, who gives a fuck? You know, Philly, you could throw anything at him. You'll never get booed. And Philly, well, I shouldn't say that they booed Bill Burr and he became a fucking star when they unboot him. But, you know, yeah, they unboot him and shit. That was great. When Bill did that, that was fucking great years ago.

That's when I knew Bill was a star. I'm like this fucking kid just broke the fucking barrier. But this week I had some interesting shit happen. And I was talking to Mike when he came in. Guys, I'm a fucking idiot. And I'm really proud to say that. I don't walk around with any fucking illusions of whatever. Guys, I'm an idiot.

I talk to other people and I see how intelligent they are and how, you know, but I'm a fucking idiot. It's funny because yesterday I was watching. In fact, I put it up as one of my stories because it was so inspiring to me. It was Mike Tyson talking about Roberto Duran. And it's probably the same reason I've always looked up to Roberto Duran. And he always made me feel comfortable because he's a fucking savage. Okay, Roberto Duran wasn't raised by two parents in a fucking home that was warm.

And they had three meals a day and they said prayers. Roberto Duran was raised in a scary fucking way. I've read two Roberto Duran books and I relate. I understand. He says some shit that is fucking crazy. The craziest thing he ever fucking did in my world, I mean, was before he fought Sugar Ray Leonard. He saw him on the streets of Toronto and Sugar Ray had his wife and his family with him. And they went up to him like, you know, like what normal nice people do, like, you know,

and they didn't know Roberto Duran was a fucking animal. And I guess Sugar went to give his hand out or something and he fucking told him to go fuck himself. I'm going to fuck your wife in the ass. Dog, he threw a tantrum on him that Sugar Ray never even established before he went into that fight and he lost. He was all fucking confused. Roberto Duran kept saying shit to him. Roberto Duran is a fucking animal. And I tell people all the time, listen, man, I'm a nice guy to a degree.

But once you cross that thing, I'll say shit to you that'll make your fucking eyes cross. And I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that guy. So don't get me fucking going, you know. But I've always considered myself not the most intelligent guy. I'm very street-versed. And my language is street. My, my, uh, my hope of twice street, which is, you know, yeah, it's gone away from me, from me getting better roles and to get to better places in my life.

It was always, uh, I hang in the nail, whatever the fuck they call it. But, uh, I've lived with it, you know, and the proof is in the pudding. I got left back in my seventh grade. I got a GED, you know, the proof is in the fucking pudding. I can't fix a car. I can't change a flat on a bicycle. There's a thousand things I can't do that I wish I could fucking do, you know, and it just, you go to live with it. So after all these years, by the age of, by the time I got out of the hole and the prison I was in and all this shit, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't the smartest guy in the world.

Okay. But I had just as much heart as the fucking guy next to me. And I always felt that that would keep me in the game or take me just as far as him is having heart and belief, not letting anything get in your fucking way. So, you know, when I look into things, when I come to you and I go, Hey man, I'm thinking of starting a podcast and you tell me the advice to start a podcast. I'm really taking advice from you. When I go to somebody and I go, Hey man, I want to do this, but I don't know how to get it to the next level. One of the most frustrating things in this career that I've had is being able, knowing that you're able to do this, that you're able to fucking handle this and people not giving you the opportunity to help you to get to, to get to that goal. It's a shitty fucking feeling.

So it's a shitty feeling for about three fucking minutes until you go, you know what, fuck these motherfuckers. They don't want out me. I'm going to do it my fucking way and you develop a system that works for you. I eat when I was fucking a young, you know, when I went to LA and I was learning the acting game. I didn't like this shit that they were sending me out on and I didn't like the shit that I was, you know, I didn't like it all together. So I said, I got to go out for roles that are better for me. So I started looking not on breakdowns, but I started looking at movies and shit like that in pre-production. And I would see where they were being shot.

If it was a New York movie, a Connecticut movie, anything with this, I would submit packages. What's that, a tape, a fucking, I wouldn't submit a tape or stand up. I put a tape in there of the audition for that movie, a fucking two tickets or comedy show. I would put the whole thing in their bio, different headshots. I would give them everything so they wouldn't come back to me, but I would do it unsolicited. And a lot of people told me that, like, Joey, that's not cool for you to fuck. Again, the people that don't know and don't have any hustle would say to me, that's not cool. You're overstepping your bounds and I go, you know what, man?

The casting director's job is to find the right person for that project. Even if it isn't me, I got to let her know that I exist. And I did that for years. And people were like, dog, you're going to piss off a lot of people. Somebody's going to say something to you, but guess what? It got me the longest yard. And then it got me American gangsta. And then it got me fucking taxi.

All those movie roles that you saw at the time in the 2003, four, five, six, it wasn't because I was on fire. It was because I was sending those envelopes. And people always said to me with Joey, you know, you're going to piss somebody off. Guess what? I think one person said something to me and the damage was already done. I don't give a fuck. So my point is that we always are looking for help and nobody wants to give it to you. So some people quit what they were going to do because they don't know.

It's like when I, when I decided to do stand up, there was no fucking computer. There was no fucking internet. I didn't know any comedians. There wasn't the abundance of comedians that there is today. Every three people you talk to their comic now, I never saw anything like this. Every three people I talk to now, oh, my nephew is a comic. My sister's a comic. I got none against you, but there was nothing nobody to go to and go.

Hi, Mike. I want to do stand up comedy. Oh, let me take you to the ropes. I had to buy Judy Carter's book. And then I had to get to the gigs. And when you get there, the scariest thing you could do is when people start talking to you. When you start acting questions and shit like this, they'll start saying, oh, okay. Yeah, we'll help you out.

Once people know you're real that you're putting the work in, don't answer your fucking questions. But there was tons of times when I didn't know what to do. I was stuck. So I just said, fuck it. I sat there for three days feeling sorry for myself as we do as Americans, as we do as human beings. And then after that, I said, fuck this. I'm going to attack it this fucking way. You just think about it.

But then there's things that you cannot do that for. And that's where it brings me to this. It's we wrote a book, guys. It took me fucking 10 years to write a chapter. I finally meet a friend of mine to help me. She does a fucking phenomenal job. We get everything going and I get a letter. Not a letter.

I get an email last week, a call, a text when I'm in fucking Wakanda forever. And it's that they want this and they want that at 530 on a Friday. So I got a little hot on my come on, guys, would you call your mother 530 on a fucking Friday to ask her all this shit the weeks over. But what they wanted was for me to change the kidnapping story of my book. And I'm like, come on, guys, I already told this fucking story. I can't change it. People, the people will buy this book have been listening to me for years. And they're like, well, we got to shorten it.

Maybe we can get some release signs. They want me to get a release sign from the kidnapper. The other guy did well and the guy kidnapped. Now, here's how I look at it, guys. I could probably get a release from Vella, but I don't want to. And I'll tell you why. Vella went through enough. Vella went through enough.

I kidnapped them and they got kidnapped by somebody else and they got beat up by somebody else. Vella was in it to win it. And, you know, Vella was in it to win it. And he's got his life together now. He's in fucking Arizona. He's doing great. He makes great money. He's thinking of moving to New Mexico, but his mom just passed away around a year ago.

And he was a mama's boy. And I just don't want to, you know, I'm friends with him finally. I don't want to send him, call him up and go, hey, man, I want to send you this thing. I want to write a book. So I just told him, I go, listen, guys, why are we doing all this shit? It's public knowledge. First of all, they go, can you have two people who could recount your story? I go, I go three people that could recount it.

Vella, who I don't want to bother. My ex-wife was going to hang up on you and fucking Georgie. Georgie could tell you from the outside what was going on, but he can't tell you. He wasn't in the room with me and all this shit. So I just told him right now, you know, I listened to him talking. And this is what I'm trying to explain to you that I'm a fucking dumb fuck. You know, I got all the prerequisites of a fucking dummy. And I know that going in.

I know this going in. I'm not trying to put an intelligent cap on my head. So when I'm around people, I don't know shit about whether it's a book, whether it's a guitar, whether it's... Listen, I only know about stand-up comedy and how to eat ass. I don't even know how to eat ass properly because, you know, so that's all I could do. So anytime I come to that, I always step out and I ask people and you guys have heard me constantly. I don't like to do things wrong. And what happens is if you do something on your own, you're going to pick up habits.

And then you have to get rid of those fucking habits. Like the thumb with the guitar. They don't want to see the fucking thumb lurking. You know, and then I watch Slash and all you see is this fucking thumb. But I get it because when you start, that's a thing that you don't want. It's like when you start comedy, I want you to start clean. There's a reason for that. Because if you start dirty, then you can't go back to clean.

At least start clean. At least do topical jokes. And then as you get more experience, you get dirty. But that's not what we're talking about. I fucking hate going into a room and being to know it all. So what I've done, and I've told Mike this for years, guys, you have no idea. In the 23 years now, how many meetings I went to. And at first I was very green.

And I would shut my mouth and listen and try to learn. And then as the years went, you know, I was a fucking coke fiend. Who wants to hear from a fucking coke fiend? Not me. So I would go, I'd smile, I'd be able to let this can be. But I knew I had nothing to fucking offer these people. But then as I got more experience, I started going into these table reads. And into these pitch meetings and shit and guys.

I would sit there in fucking awe of the stupidity in the room. And I hate to use that word. But I thought that these people were so fucking much smarter than I am. And at the end of the day, I got to like break. Like I can just take so much. Like I can just take so much. You could talk stupidity in front of me for so fucking much. And it was like this conversation the other day.

I had the attorney. That guy got more school than me. He had another attorney in the room. The fucking publisher was on the fucking phone. And I checked that work for the assistant publisher. And they give me all these ultimatums. And I'm like, guys, stop. They're like, well, why don't you and Joey go get the paperwork from Boulder,

like call Boulder and go through the paperwork to get you. Because it's public knowledge. If you fucking gets hit in the head with a pole and the cops come, it's public fucking knowledge. They have to write a report and it's in there. And that's just the way it is. And you could go down to the police station at any time and fucking read it. I don't know what the protocols are, but you could read it.

And how do I know this? Because fucking like 15 years ago, I was trying to get my passport. And the attorney I was using said, what we'll do is let's get the paperwork from this and that to show them that. Well, I read my fucking kidnapping case. Let me tell you some guys. When I read this fucking thing of what I'd done, like what had happened on November 18th, I cried.

I cried because I didn't even know who that person was. It was like reading the paper and reading about a crime that somebody had committed. And it's not even a friend of yours. Like just reading about somebody and going, boy, that was a rough fucking day. That dude did some damage. You know what I'm saying? Like this guy robbed a bank, shopped with people, injured eight. One of those things, you know, like this guy's a friend of yours.

So I vote after I read that police report about what happened on November 18th. Guys, I gotta tell you the first time I read that after like, you know, not being around it for 20 years, it fucking brought a teeth in my eye. I was like, wow. But then again, that was the report that they had a right to fucking, you know, they made it very colorful and all this shit. When you read it, it's very fucking disturbing. And that's how I told them.

I go, guys, I told you a fucking story that happened on November 18th. Obviously you guys want to get somebody to collaborate with you. I can't go to these people to collaborate. Then they wanted me to go to them. They wanted me to collaborate a story from 1975. And I'm like, guys, everybody in that conversation, except for me, is fucking dead. What are you talking about? They're like, okay, forget about that one.

Let's go back to the kidnapping. Okay. What do you want to know? And they're like, well, what we want you to do is go. And I said, let's stop this. You got two attorneys, right? Yeah. Why don't you contact Boulder?

It'll be a lot easier. You could read the fucking report that'll let you know everything that you need to know. But I give you a warning. When you read that report, you won't be calling me back. I'm telling you, once you read that report, you won't be calling me back. Because the report is that buck wild, but it'll collaborate my story, plus a couple other fucking things in there that might blow you the fuck away. And they were like, okay, let's do that.

Do you know that the next day they contacted me again and said, do you think we can get fucking collaboration papers from the guy you kidnapped, plus the guy that, again, they came back to me and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? So, but to get back to it, guys, you know, I respect college so much. I really do. I don't know if I respect it because I didn't graduate. I don't, I respect it because I didn't do it the right way. When somebody tells me that college educated, I give them a little leeway.

They did something I couldn't do and I did something they couldn't do. They went to a four year college and put up with all that shit and did homework and studied and now they're working in their field. I never understood when I went to these fucking meetings for Hollywood how four years, even at Syracuse, which is a big television school and film school and all that stuff, how these people would apply that to make the decisions they make in these rooms and to give you the feedback that they give you in some of these fucking rooms. You sit there and go, what the fuck did they just say? Like I sold one show to Fox. They had, I sold them.

And here's the other thing about these book, these movie, these people, when you shoot a special to all you young comics, when you shoot a special, they're going to come see you, whether it's Netflix, whether it's any other three of the four companies that do it. Oh, who's ever put in a special again? This is the best. I love all this shit. When they come to you, they offer it to you. And they say, listen, we want to offer you this special. We're going to air it on this.

And you go, you're trying to be honest with them. You go, listen, before you have any plans on airing this, have you ever heard the story of me sleeping with a one-legged woman? And they'll go, yeah, we heard it on Tom Seguro. I turned it into a bit and it's in the middle of my set. Do we have a problem? No, that's a brilliant bed. Oh my God, we're so excited. We can't wait for you to see it.

All right. You sign the paperwork. They give you the deposit for the special. And then about, let's say you have 12 weeks from the time you shoot a special. After about six weeks, you got to call from your agent and they want to come watch your set one night. They want to come see your hours set, see how it's shaping up to see if, you know, what can we yank out the fuck with this motherfucker? And on that night, when you get off stage, they'll be in the back waiting for you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh my God. That was the best thing we've ever seen in our lives. You're sitting there going, I was the worst set of my life, but whatever you think. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It was great. This, that, this, you know, the special sucked and you're waiting for notes and they'll hit you with an obscure note. Like in the beginning you said the word retard. Can you, uh, turn that into something else?

Okay. You know, you know, you're not going to fucking listen, you know, you're not going to change it. Okay. You just, yes, and the debt. Yeah. Yeah, I'll change it. It was like when Tom Segura did his Netflix special, the president Netflix called him up and fucking made him write an apology to special Olympics or some shit. Yeah.

And he had to take retarded out of the special and all this shit anyway. So like what retarded kid watches fucking Netflix specials anyway. So I don't mean to put this in a bad way guys, but it's the fucking truth. So then you go see them. They'll come see you like three weeks out, maybe two weeks. I was so excited. Okay. They come down with that bullshit.

And that's when they'll say it to you. You know what, we think the one legged joke might be a little too, your agent calls you with that bullshit. And you're like, yeah, well, too fucking bad, too fucking bad. And they'll hit you again with it. Well, we think that if you could shave that off, can you say that she had a leg? Now they're trying to tell you how to write a joke. That's the best. When they're trying to tell you how to do your fucking job when they can't even do theirs.

It takes eight people to make a fucking decision, but you're doing your job on your fucking, you know, merit. And now you got a fucking war going on. Well, they think they want you to take the bit out. Okay. Just like that. It's that magical. I'm not taking it out and you go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And A, you could be a fucking pussy and take it out.

Or B, you could take that fucking joke, go out there and rip them fucking apart with that joke and many others in that vein. Watch the audience laugh and then look at them and go, what the fuck were you people talking about? And that's what people do. They always just pick the B. They do what the fuck they're going to do. And that's just the way it is. Don't let you think that, yeah, I'm going to do a set about dandy lions. Go fuck yourself.

I'm doing this set. I'm going all deep on this motherfucker and this happened this week. I just watched that thing about two days ago. Maybe, no, yesterday I watched it. It was the Chappelle thing. I'll sign that live. You know, it was a great set. It was a great set.

And guess what? We needed that set. As America, we needed that fucking. See, for 2000 years, comedy is the fucking. What's the subtitles of our life? Okay. And not subtitles of your particular life, but subtitles of life and what's going on, whether it's Russia bombing people, Ukraine bombing people, the war, you know, fucking all the fucking all of a sudden you got 20 million Jew haters, you know, so we try. Yeah, all of a sudden everybody's fucking eight on the Jews.

I don't understand. So what we try to do is go up there. You hear the news, right? And then you got daily news, which adds a little human to it. And then we go up there and try to really fucking humor it up. So it doesn't feel like, you know, anything like, you know, hurt anything. But it's really a war going on. Our job is like when you watch, you know, he wasn't one of my favorite fucking guys, something about him always.

But his stand up was a voice of a fucking nation. Not Richard Pryde, but the other guy, the white dude that died, Colin, Colin's voice was a fucking voice of the nation. I don't care what anybody fucking tells you. He was the voice of a nation. He told you, it's like, I like to watch 60 minutes because it's layman's show. It's the news I need to fucking hear. I don't need to hear about all this other. I don't need to hear about a lady in the Bronx who put a baby in the oven.

I really don't need to hear that shit in the morning. Nobody does nobody. No, I'm not trying to make a joke. Nobody fucking needs to make that hear that shit. So, you know, that's why I watch 60 minutes. When you watch a comic, a good comic, not like me, but a good comic that is very socially aware. Neil Brennan's couple guys, Neil Brennan's new special is great too, by the way. And Ari's special is fucking fantastic.

I watched Ari's special twice. Say what you want to say. As a comic, that's a great fucking special. I'm very proud of him. Very proud to call him my friend. But I found out that shit like what? First of all, the set was a great set. There was no reason.

He just listened. We all were all mad. Not we, but they're all mad at Kanye, even though they know that he's fucking crazy. He just doesn't take his meds and he goes off. And this has been going on for years. Yeah, you want to punish him, whatever, but the fucking, the scars are a lot deeper than what you see with Kanye like me. The scars are a lot deeper. He just gets to talk about that shit more.

That's what Dave did was pretty much, you know, made a fucking joke about it. Whatever. I didn't watch it live. I didn't even know Dave Chappelle was going to be on Saturday Night fucking live. And then, you know, all the first day were boycotting them. You know, the writers threatened the boycott them and all this shit for you boycotting motherfuckers. Do me a favor. Knock it off.

Knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it off and watch the Bronx Bronx tale. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. When are you going to put that through your fucking ad people that nobody cares? You ever turn on Instagram and go through the first 20, it's people talking like, you know, trying to tell you, listen, that's great. I appreciate that.

You have the voice. You couldn't do this in Cuba, but nobody fucking gives a fuck. So knock it the fuck off. Nobody fucking cares. So please enough with the fucking bullshit of the fucking boycott and then whatever. You're just going to put yourself in even the worst. You're going to feel a lot worse than what you already feel because now they're going to let you obviously know how they really feel about you. That they don't give a fuck.

You get up, whether you leave, you take your chubby friend with the pink hair and get the fuck out of here. We don't need you motherfuckers in here. Enough is enough. Nobody cares. Go find the fucking island where everybody's woke and everybody's kids are fucked about your world. But right now it's not fucking working. I'm sorry, Charlie. Sorry.

What do you want me to do? That's the truth. It's not working. You're going to keep boycotting Dave Chappelle and throwing them out of theaters. Listen, we're always going to find the fucking place to perform. These comics will always find the place to perform. They're that fucking crappy. So if Athena doesn't want to hire me because three years ago I said something bad, who gives a fuck?

Go fuck yourself. It's that simple. Look at Ari Shafir. Two years ago nobody wanted to talk to him. Now look at him. He's still a great fucking stand-up comic. Whatever's going on in his social stratosphere, that's his fucking beef. If you don't like somebody, but as a comic, you want to come to me and that's what we're forgetting when we fucking try to tell everybody how these people have insulted you.

They're fucking comics. They're comedians. They're comedians. Where's your fucking ad at? So, but this is what we got to deal with today. Where's your ad at? They're comedians. Joe Rogan's giving misinformation.

Did he ever say he was a scientist? Did he ever say he was a fucking astronomer or an astronaut? No. He's not. So why the fuck are you bitching at people? Yeah, Dave Chappelle, that mad at Dave because he went up there and did a second set. Like he did a set for the networks and that's what you do as a professional. You do a set for the fucking networks and you make them happy.

They go in the back and then you come out there and fucking stab them. Did anybody not see the movie Elvis? Did Elvis, did you see Elvis? Elvis does that. They tell him not to fucking wiggle. They tell him not to wiggle, not to do all this shit and then from there they throw him into the army. I don't know if that story is factual or not, but I got a thousand stories like that. We're not going to bend for you.

Trust me when I'm telling you. If I go up on stage and there's a burn victim in the audience, Jay Leno's in the audience or some shit, and you tell me not to make any burn victim jokes, I'm not going to make a joke of Jay Leno. I like Jay. But I'm going to make a burn victim joke. It's who the fuck I am. And people got to get over this shit. It's not working.

Listen, if you don't like the comedians, don't go on fucking Netflix. If you don't like, you know, I love what people were fucking saying about this Chappelle thing also. That Chappelle could have done an hour and a half that night. It would have been way better than what sat out live was going to fucking put up there. I mean, that's as cold-blooded to say. I know those young comedians work hard and stuff, but it's the truth. That's what the censors have done to real comedy. They've watered it down, watered it down, watered it down.

Are you going to tell me that Alec Baldwin as Trump was funny? Is that what you're telling me? It was very entertaining that that was the funniest thing you ever saw. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. Sat out live tricks you with that fucking bread and butter, stupid comedy, and you believe it. That's not the comedy world at all. That's just some dudes doing sketches.

And that's the way it's been for the last 20 fucking years. Nobody gives a fuck about that show. So for all you sound like people that get offended or want a boycott or all that shit, who gives a fuck? Real comics are not good. That's it. Comics are done, guys. I talked to a lot of these guys. They're like, you know what?

We don't give a fuck. You can't do nothing no more. We're uncanceable. Who gives a fuck about it if you get offended or something we did 30 fucking years ago? It was so funny. I had to take a long ride there that I was thinking about all the shit that came out when we have a chance. Like all the shit that started coming out started coming out two months after the pandemic. This guy raped me.

This guy did this. This guy did that. Why? Because we had time to think and all those people in the entertainment business. Think about it. If you get fucking raped, if any other woman gets fucking raped, she reported to the police immediately. She'll say this to somebody immediately. I have a daughter.

I have a wife. I have, you know, but all of a sudden they remembered two months after the pandemic was on when they had nothing going on. When all they had to stare at was fucking four fucking walls. You know, it's the same fucking thing. People are still thinking of new ways now to just mess with people. You could do the, if Jesus, listen to me, if Jesus came down today and did a stand-up set, three people would find a fucking problem with that. If he did a stand-up on Sunday, Monday morning on all the fucking social media, the National Federation of Priests, the molested priest had a problem with what he said. You know, it's at the end of the day, guys.

Again, put you on the under the list of the boycotters. Nobody gives a fuck. Dave Chappelle is going to go somewhere else this weekend and make another million dollars. And you, that's complaining. And you know, what are you going to do this weekend? Sit there and complain about other fucking stand-ups and other fucking TV shows. And it's a fucking nightmare out there. But hey, that was what I wanted to talk about today.

Just sometimes, man, you think you're the dumbest person in the room and you're really fucking not. And it happens to me constantly, especially when I'm talking to people about business and stuff. I don't have an MBA. I have nothing in business. Everything I've learned has been the last fucking 20 years fucking around with social media and you guys talking to you like everybody else. We don't know nothing else. I have no fucking idea what's going on. But, you know, it's like everybody's always trying to tell you the best, whether it's books. When it comes to you and your world, you know best and fight for that right. Don't just say, okay, okay, okay, I'll let it ride this time.

No, because the word gets out. It's like any fucking thing else. Fight for your fucking right to do whatever the fuck you're doing. I'm going to be an electrician. I had to fight every day. And all the things that has bothered me the last 20 years of my fucking career is that. It's dealing with people who told you they knew what was going on. And then one day you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And you blow right past them. And you're like, why did I ever think in life that guy was smarter than me?

Or he knew what he was doing more than I did. So you got to go with your fucking gut guys. Don't let these people fucking knock you off your track. I don't. And I haven't, even when I was doing coke and a fucking junkie and a criminal, I wouldn't let people throw me off my track. If you have belief, fucking go for it. And if you fucking think you're doing the right thing, go for it. If not, you're going to find out the hard way you were wrong. And who gives a fuck? I was wrong for fucking 30 years.

And here we are, right or wrong. So take it all, suck your fucking dick. And that's it, motherfuckers. I got nothing else to say on a beautiful fucking Thursday. We're a week away from Thanksgiving. And like I've been telling you guys right now, listen to me, the year is dead. We're going to do the rest of whatever the fuck we do till December 31st. But what you're doing is you're setting up your 2023. Like I told the guys on my Patreon last week, when you shoot pool, you don't shoot pool to make that ball.

You shoot pool to make the ball and to set you up for the next shot. Right now we're just setting up 2023. You're going to get all the shit done. And listen, I know you want to lose weight. You know what? What are you going to do? You want to start fucking beating yourself up now? What I want you to do is if you want to start losing, if you want to go on a fucking great diet, January 1st, start now. But prepare for 2023 early.

It's going to be a rough fucking year and things are going to go fucking sour. They want $2.50 for a can of cranberry juice, cranberry sauce. Did you see that? That's the biggest it's been in the last 30 years. It's been $1.39 for 200 fucking years. Now they want $2.50 for fucking cranberry sauce. That Joe was complaining the other days when I went to groceries. She spent $350 and came back with one fucking bag, guys. So listen, like I said on the podcast the other day, it's going to be a tight year.

Do not be embarrassed. It's the holidays. The holidays aren't about gifts. It's about love anyway. Just be prepared to give it a lot of handshakes for Christmas and to get a lot of handshakes back this year. But just keep your head and know that 2023 is going to be a better year. Write your goals. Do what you need to do. And I love you motherfuckers. I'll see you back here on the joint Monday morning. Tip Top Magoo. Stay black. Have a great weekend and I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning.

Alright, I want to thank you motherfuckers. It was a short one today. I was not in the fucking best of state of mind. But hey, we showed up and I did the best I could do. I want to thank Mike. I want to thank all you motherfuckers. But I want to thank Manscape for sponsoring the podcast. Let me tell you something. Manscape wants to make sure you got everything you need to stay fresh under the fucking belt, okay? I've been talking about Manscape for years.

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