Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #218 - Joey Diaz, Betty Page and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 2, 2014

Betty Page of the Famous Bunny Ranch calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.co...m and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 10/01/2014. Music: AC/DC - Soul Stripper Hector Lavoe - Todo Tiene Su Final

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This show is sponsored by NatureBox. NatureBox ships great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy and delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free NatureBox sampler box at naturebox.com slash joey. That's right free NatureBox snacks are found at naturebox.com slash joey. I did it guys you just go to naturebox.com they send you a great box one big snack three small snacks they're all delicious go try them out they won't lay down free that's right free. The show is also sponsored by meundies.com they have men's and women's styles and if you go to meundies.com slash joey you're gonna get 20% off of your first order and right now they even make
Starting point is 00:00:44 it better by giving you free shipping in the united states and canada so what do you have to lose the great underwear you don't sweat you don't do anything like that. The show is also sponsored by hitesigs.com if you go to hitesigs.com and use code word joey's church that's joey's church you're gonna get 20% off of your order hitesigs better tasting longer lasting the proof is in the vape e-cigarettes and e-cigars they got different flavor cigarettes they got different variations of nicotine if you're trying to quit smoking code words joey's church you get 20% off and for the premiere vapor pen on the market go to nailed it life.com and use code word joey's to get 20% off they have oil the pen works with oil and wax smokers they're really great guys nailed it life.com
Starting point is 00:01:27 code word joey's and go to onnet.com to get all of the great products alpha brand new mood shroom tech immune shroom tech sport use code word church to get 10% off of your order oh shit you bad motherfuckers october first wednesday it's a beautiful motherfucking wednesday night fuck dancing with the stars in those fucking light-footed cocksuckers it's the church of what's happening now october first the day the devil was fucked in the ass giving the bowler then they gave him the fucking ices ices don't kill black people here we go kick that motherfucker lee what wiggle fun copa joey what oh shit are you fucking kidding me or what i never cared what oh shit oh shit linda angus young i don't know how old he was he was just killing this motherfucker
Starting point is 00:02:36 the car take that fucking leaf what oh shit take that monkey out lick it flick it stick it in there lick that ass holy what oh shit oh shit that motherfucker is on fire lisa yet welcome welcome to you motherfuckers at home to the church of what's happened now guess what we got no guests tonight we got my girl betty page calling in from the fucking bunny rance to tell us how she got into it what she does her specialty all that type of shit it's just me and the fucking flying you welcome what's happening buddy now much man i don't fuck you bang cock sucker what's with the questions i've been everywhere i've been on the elliptical been over at skinny kitchen getting a great meal where have you
Starting point is 00:03:27 where else can i go like that club chicken sandwich over there oh it's so good it's just it's grilled chicken they have a nice cheese they have turkey bacon to save so you at least feel like you're still getting bacon i don't get the blue cheese dressing i go for mustard if the but where is that is the fries the fries are like baked and it's only a hundred calories i don't i don't use them to catch up because i'm trying to save but it's like nice crispy like potato wedges delicious very nice so it's a nice time and everything's good oh yeah and it's great you got a goat cheese omelet like heather mcdonald we're fucking kidding me a goat fucking cheese omelet are you kidding me this is what we got to deal with in that way goat cheese omelet imagine you're waiting having a
Starting point is 00:04:04 bad day some fucking chick comes up to you and asks you for goat cheese omelet tell me you wouldn't fucking pull out one of those ices fucking knives and slice a fucking jugger i know i would or i like to goat cheese made me throw up the one time i had oh it's fucking that's for fucking people i ain't go to get go to fuck your mother goat cheese fight blue cheese cocksuck is goat cheese or american cheese yeah or swiss don't tell me cheddar because so help me god i hit your head what's wrong with your microphone it's nice it's for fucking american cheese 2.0 no no no no no no it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive it's great to be here just talking shit you know when we do the podcast with the guests it's just a different variation you
Starting point is 00:04:45 know we don't get the same much we do but uh you know it's about the guests so we i think it's my i don't get the same much you you always talk you don't say shit because you're fucking stoned to death like tonight oh my god now you're talking because i didn't fucking that's it we're not doing no more edibles we went deep i don't believe yet someone write this date down what the fucking loyalty to so kind cookies the fucking chef the new chef that the other night gave him a donut i mean so kind makes donuts those little idiot listen i gave george one in new york i gave it to him like when we checked it i checked him to the hotel maybe about seven thirty quarter eight by nine o'clock he was at the restaurant he was just looking straight
Starting point is 00:05:26 and he would look at the food need it and then look up and look and finally he goes listen guys i got to excuse myself george was on heroin for fucking ten years that's how strong fucking so kind i mean and they don't sponsor us or nothing i'm just listen at the beginning of the show we were talking about hilly six you know if you go to a store they cost ten bucks they only last one day and maybe two days the reason why we have a hilly six as a sponsor it's a great value we're looking for value here when you go to a chinese fucking lunch they give you the soup the fucking fortune cookie egg rice the egg roll it's a value you go there you go wow for six nine nine they even give you a fucking soda you know same thing with fucking hilly e six same thing
Starting point is 00:06:07 with everyone we're involved with yeah no everybody now that life is great they always they always they come around like weed santa claus every time they're down here with the bed i just finished fucking the peanut brittle two three days ago but uh it's funny how uh i forgot what i was gonna the fucking talking about george george and the fucking food for the fucking money like a good place to go to uh you know this chinese place in china town whatever but what i'm trying to say to you is that uh for the 12th like i went to the store here that they have a $40 addable now that's 750 milligrams right and they're not gonna sell it because weed is you know for 15 bucks that's enough i'm a weed yeah more than a week so it's 700 and i told them it's too high level for this neighborhood
Starting point is 00:06:50 they got regular ones for 20 they don't go nowhere they're 180 count and uh milligrams and you know what the one fucking little brownie would do more damage than those $20 ones i put the one little whole brownie over a fucking uh uh green hornet oh that's my star and that's a tough call because the green hornet for 10 bucks is the best fucking value out there you know like yeah somebody i don't know what they charge for gummies and monos but those 250 calorie gummies they fuck you up oh yeah they fuck you up too there's a couple things that take you over there's a couple things at the stores that you got a couple things just take you there and they they're getting away with taking you there i want to get fucked up i want to go over the top i want to see
Starting point is 00:07:33 shit i want to giggle by myself you know i want to scratch my nuts and you know what the donut wasn't bad the peanut butter really made it a little bit better because usually i'm i don't like weird taste and i just for whatever reason chocolate and weed never really does it for me that's why i prefer gummies uh but the peanut butter really helped but you know what on the elliptical yesterday i didn't have a movie and i think i figured out why you're giving me the edibles because i used to get not mad but i've been trying to die and and i keep fucking up with the with the uh munchies on these edibles and i think i figured out why you give them to me why because i i i'm sure you've done it a thousand how many times have you lost and gained the weight back 8 000 times no no no
Starting point is 00:08:15 just that one time you know and then when i was a kid uh one year i wanted to get ready for basketball and i wanted a tuna diet also uh with just one slice of american cheese and a protein shake and there was a wrong way of dieting but it worked right when i was 19 you know yeah but i must have get lost and gained weight at least six times at least and i've been good on this diet but i feel like what i what i came to the conclusion of yesterday on the elliptical was is that the edible is showing me that me eating like that is still in me and even though it'd be great not to have the edible i feel like it's it's forcing me to to fight eating like that so you always tell me how come you go home and you don't eat because i go first thing i do when i go home is i drink a coffee
Starting point is 00:09:03 when i have those there's there's tricks for everything when you talk to a brick mason a guy that uh carries airport luggage the first day you start you're gonna go jesus christ animals didn't come back i was so sore yeah and then he'll teach you carries a hand card he does this he does that and he like you don't work you figure out how not to work that hard yeah i figured out how not to let now when i smoke dope i don't get munchies really when i eat edibles oh jesus fucking mother christ oh late night especially the more sugar the edible has yep that's why i always try to get low calorie edibles and low sugar and shit like that chiba chu even the chocolate ones is 60 calories that ain't gonna make you throw your diet off with five grams of
Starting point is 00:09:46 sugar oh no the edible itself is another thing that i give you a so kind cookie yeah that's all fucking sugar and milk and eggs so you're gonna that sugar is gonna fucking drive you insane later later on in the night like a two you're fucking starving sometimes that's why i give it to you go home and pass out yeah if you get up you're not a get up and a four tangerines oh wow you know what it's like to eat four fucking tangerines and i by the third one i wasn't even chewing them i was just sticking on in my mouth like a fucking well just because i did that weed makes everything taste like the most delicious thing you've ever delicious and the tangerines were sweet but after two tangerines i don't care how sweet they are you're like jesus i want a fucking steak sandwich
Starting point is 00:10:28 yeah and that's that's what i have to work on because i i've gone home and not eaten and i'm fine it's almost like when you start eating on an edible it opens it up even more you start cooking and here's the secret well i used to go out and go to mcdonald's but i was trying to know now you're better than that now you're at least better than that but here's the secret to it is to go home and find things to eat like you try with those fucking rice cakes but they're so bad so that's why i would never eat a rice cake i'd eat something but one thing i'd eat is all i'm gonna eat and it have to be really healthy so if i had to cook something i'd make a tuna sandwich light on the mayonnaise heavy on the tuna and maybe use one piece of bread and a
Starting point is 00:11:07 couple crackers just to keep it low to fill me up i think four crackers i don't know how many calories not many depending on what kind you get that's what i'm saying i don't think i can eat anything there's little tricks i just have to run in my bedroom and i don't need a cheeseburger deluxe no more and an order of steak fries well and i'm so i'll dog and a cream of turkey soup with a hair in it stop it stop it from a diner a jersey diner you gotta have the hair cream of fucking turkey soup a little strand of hair like it'd be a greek hair or Puerto Rico do you even take it out he just take it like savage fuck it to go to go it's like eating pussy every once in a while you inhale a hair what do you do you stop and pick it no you just you just you just swallow that mouth
Starting point is 00:11:45 to the ice his hair if you're eating a monkey and that thing goes into your throat and it's just there while you're sucking pussy what do you do you're not gonna stop and embarrass the girl you're just gonna swallow that hair like a fucking internet cheeseburger i've never won't get in my throat why not you gotta bite it off you don't take that hair and they go crazy what are you doing done and i'm a fucking savage that's what i'm doing you bite the hair sure you buy a little haircut with your teeth you just bite that fucking hair let them know they fuck around you'll bite that clip real hard too i don't give a fuck anymore it's still wednesday night the day the devil was buried at fucking seat that's it new york was great i tell you what i realized about
Starting point is 00:12:24 new york that was really uh and i wanted to talk to the people because i got a couple i've been getting great emails lately and uh one guy was talking about pain and i was thinking about what the fuck is this guy talking about as soon as i got up to playing northburg you know when i go the club gives me an allowance like most hotels when you work a comedy club most comedy clubs have a few hotels in the area they do a deal with depending on the size of the comic that's coming in you know uh joe rogan gets a complete way better room than i get you know dlu gets a complete better room than i get bill burr gets a great room you know don't get me wrong i get a nice room but they get sweets with butlers and shit you know uh you know me i'm the type of guy can sleep
Starting point is 00:13:07 anywhere i'm not like fucking heather i could sleep anywhere as long as it's fucking uh you know i've slept in a while in some wild places when i go to north burgan i sleep at the holiday and express there's nothing wrong with that because i tell you why there's reasons why because the other hotels are unfortunately way away from what my world is or i could stay in the city which means i'm gonna be in north burgan for a few days so i'm gonna keep going back and forth that's just an extra ride cab ride february right i might as well just stay in north burgan all i'm doing in the city is those two nights of comedy and going over there maybe eating dinner over with anthony over at the something you know i'm not gonna fucking go crazy in new york so did you see him at the palms this
Starting point is 00:13:47 you know he came to the show friday night anthony but i did not i remember seeing his face but there were so many people god okay you really can't talk you really there was so many well you had like a few hundred people there at night right i'll tell you one man the new york crowds are uh i'm home yeah i'm home in a lot of comedy clubs when i work there they're my second home but this got them and this crowd that keeps coming to the same show uh renee and they're like fucking a good-looking kid and a bunch of them it's uh when new york people the people that are coming and a lot of Puerto Ricans a lot of dominicans they feel me they understand where i'm coming from you know i heard that asian guy just took a vacation which one the asian guy who wouldn't
Starting point is 00:14:29 shut the window who got mad no they blocked them out they fucking blocked them out and they made everybody go in i guess the one night they made have to get off earlier or something just not to have problems out there you know they called me the one day and they said hey we don't want to repeat what happened so me i don't give a fuck i like when people show up the network shows up and the family shows up and we smoke dope outside and everything but this it was still a great crowd i i still feel i'm i was at the stand Thursday night that's ari's club that's why ari does a lot of comedy at the stand and fucking lee the food is tremendous i had that's what i've heard i had a crab cake sandwich with a rugula on a multi-grain bread it was fucking delicious you eat a rugula
Starting point is 00:15:12 i love it i'm surprised it's like a lettuce right oh no it is i just i just thought you would have been like there's been fucking nice bread for 74 years now eating a rugula that's everyone wants it wasn't even a rugula it was like a spinach i'm saying a rugula just because i love crab cakes it was delicious delicious i think george had the steak sandwich and he said it was not bad at all nice comedy club small very intimate staff is fucking off the chain you know pat mulligan the guy who books it they they used to do cringe humor okay so that's where they're from and they opened up a club so that it was all very enjoyable but getting back to pain you know i stay at that hotel because when i have nothing to do in the
Starting point is 00:15:52 afternoon i forced myself to walk around that neighborhood the same neighborhood was it in the neighborhood you grew up in yeah right by mckelandy right by mckelandy right by the york hotel where the ice man killed the guy in half we stayed not the hotel you and i stayed i stayed at the one next to it the smaller holiday and express and there's the york hotel behind it which is the best westerners um thursday i walked to mckelandy walked up the stairs took me fucking 25 minutes those are the stairs of death i was i had a limp up the last two levels you know i was already up there that's why you were skinny as a kid and then i walked down the hill and then i walked to ray cannellis and lisa mesina's house how's he doing ray cannelli i
Starting point is 00:16:30 didn't see him i this is his old house oh old house okay so i walked over there to the corner and i saw their old house and what had happened then i walked back to one day then the other day i actually walked to charles court and walked around the neighborhood nobody was out in the street and uh i never made it to given that terrace i didn't feel like going up my old block i don't know why something just i think that this time the pain hit me i realized why when i go to new york sometimes i get a little froggy i gotta get out of there because i gotta leave before the pain settles the pain comes in little spurts it reminds me you know i was telling you guys monday i went to the cemetery that's the first thing i do when i go off the fucking plane so you went to the
Starting point is 00:17:08 cemetery you didn't go to given our terrace no wow it's like right next door yeah i went to cemetery with uh carlos and i put flowers and i cleaned the grave off and there was rocks in the bottom i mean i pulled the weeds up with my hand you know it was uh and when i was doing it i couldn't believe that uh like i said the i like to have been going to this funeral paul for 35 fucking years this cemetery but i cleaned off her plot really good and i put the rocks to look really sharp and uh i did that and i saw bobby bender and i saw carlos and i saw uh lubes the first night great to see him games medibles he gave me a tray of chicken collards oh how what is that like though it's uh i can't even imagine going to your parents grave so i've been very lucky i don't
Starting point is 00:17:51 have any grandparents left but they all passed away when i was younger i can't imagine going there like i did it has gotten easier has it gotten harder that has to be terrible i don't know i don't know because once i go into that cemetery all those feelings come back yeah for a minute while i'm standing there i even my mind takes me away like it takes me away to the year after she died and i had all these things on my mind all this heartache and this confusion and uh fear you know i had all these things and i go through those emotions every time i stand on that grave but i leave happy like i leave very content when i go to the grave i leave like if i don't know i couldn't imagine there's a couple times i've gone back and not gone to the grave and
Starting point is 00:18:40 i felt really shitty for a few months and then when i've gone back i've made it a point and then that one day i just said you know what from now on when i go back that's the first thing i do before there's parties or talking or chit chat or meeting people let's take 10 minutes takes 10 minutes i go i buy the fucking thing of flowers for 35 bucks 40 bucks i go down i dig a hole i put it in there i kneel i smoke a joint sometimes i talk to her you know and uh that's it that that's basically it you look around that neighborhood and what it's become and uh how they put things you know i uh i was saying monday when i grew in that neighborhood i never walked on that side of the cemetery whenever i walked up and down that hill before she passed before she passed i wouldn't i'm telling you i
Starting point is 00:19:20 wouldn't even fucking walk the creepy places man and now i gotta walk in there and walk in there like a man you know and walk out like a fucking man so it's always been a weird situation but nah man everything was great you know uh in fact today i called two of the people that i saw and i told them i really missed them it was that type of uh of a weekend you know that's awesome it's that i mean it's you've always talked about you told me ever since i've been going home that each time you go home it's for shorter and shorter and it is weird going back but i i've ever since i've known you've probably gone back four or five times and it this is the first time you've been like you're usually like happy to get back and this that's pretty cool that you're
Starting point is 00:20:03 and getting to enjoy it now no i'm enjoying the whole uh the pace of it at this time i didn't let myself get bullied into seeing 50 people i didn't make plans to go eat any big dinners with anybody i didn't really see venery didn't even talk to venery i didn't talk to a lot of people and talked to carmine didn't talk to a lot of people just because i just didn't have the time it's a business trip it's a business trip i was raining the one day that took a day away i walked in the rain that day from in new york and then over the shuttle i went for the walk to mckinley i just walked in the fucking rain well you must have done that a thousand times as a thousand times but never rains in california so i might as well take advantage of it feels great to fucking feel
Starting point is 00:20:44 raindrops fall on your head and whatnot but no it was great i i didn't get i worked out at the hotel i didn't go to julio's jujitsu because we missed times we missed communications um but no i went to jujitsu today how'd it go it was great i went last week to v mac and did a couple hip escapes and some uh guard retention and shit like that today i went and i thought i was only gonna be there for 15 minutes he made me do the whole fucking class but he didn't make me spar everything else he made me do the technique after the class he made me take my pads off and show him my knee and he goes you know what i'm lucky i didn't make you spar it's still swollen i want you just to keep coming do the techniques do the warm up when you want to tap out you know
Starting point is 00:21:28 go on the side i didn't tap out that i did the whole it was great i really enjoyed going there how's your stamina horrible yeah today when i was doing hip escapes there was one point i actually had to get up and catch my breath and i started doubting myself maybe i'm gonna get a heart attack and you know the whole Jesus well you said he lost weight in new york i did that's awesome amazing when i went to the heart doctor because i was going to the heart doctor yesterday and that mother fuck is a candidate about weight you know he's anti weight so i knew that i didn't want to go in there real heavy so i wanted that pretty fucking life for me you know compared to laugh he even said something to me because you're all working on it but he goes i need you really about
Starting point is 00:22:06 250 so i gotta go to work you know but it was uh yeah i watched that my fitness what's name my fitness pal it's great it uh and the thing is it's not trying to to go about it a new way even even the weight watchers which everyone loves and works great for you is switching it to points all this is is it's not even telling you to do anything it's just saying log your food if you want to lose weight this is how many calories you get for your size put your food in put your workout in put your water in and it just tells you at the end of the day based on what today was in six weeks or five weeks you'll be here if every day was like today and it's been you know what people sometimes people say oh you're not supposed to count calories you know what man that that's
Starting point is 00:22:55 probably true whatever it works weight yeah you know listen man this how many people on this earth something and we're so we're so the same but at the same time we're so different and we all have different body types and different things work for different fucking people just because i squat 20 squats a day and lose 80 pounds doesn't mean that's going to work for you right you might have something different you're you're you're testosterone levels there's so many variables you find something that works for you my whole thing is uh accountability and accountability in life and accountability i really lost weight when i watched when i did weight watch is because you write down what you eat and then at the end of the week i'll look at it and go do i really need
Starting point is 00:23:35 that yeah now i eat a sandwich there's no chips and bro there's shouldn't be chips in your life at all at all that's just an extra it's like when you eat fat people like me when i go to eat and somebody goes let's take you to dinner you want some wine fuck no i'm saving calories for the good shit you know what i'm saying i'm saving my space it's like when you go to a buffet and you see these fucking Gentiles getting like shit at the buffet line but at the end there's lobster tails but you're eating shit well i'll get one later no go fucking bang those motherfuckers out right now get your paperwork get your fucking paperwork you know it's the same thing you see what you need to eat and you see what you could live without yeah and you go why they need that bag of chips
Starting point is 00:24:15 on their fucking calories first whenever i eat those fucking little bags of chips i want three bags yeah of course so why even fuck around let me just eat the sandwich let it settle and then we'll see if we're hungry and then we'll take the apples or take the peaches or whatever the fuck you got in your heart in your heart and your thing and cut it with that you know yeah it's really amazing the act of dieting you call it a diet or a lifestyle yeah that's a different mix this together a little walking a little gym a little eating good a little drink and water a little bit of sun some great rest that's included i went to bed 11 last night i was walking around 4 30 in the fucking morning these little things i can't eat i'm like i just woke up and just woke
Starting point is 00:24:53 i went to pee went back to bed and then i cursed myself because i asked you if you want to do a podcast this morning okay i said we should have woken up into the fucking podcast this morning but no it's uh i enjoy this i enjoy this listen i'm a healthy fat fuck i'm not gonna lie to you i may be obese whatever the fuck you call that's the fucking regular gentiles you know what i walk around i go to ymca you know i'm tight i'm a fat fuck but i'm tight yeah you know i do my thing at least i try and that makes me feel a little better than just like i got a guy across the street from me you've seen that fucking guy oh that guy was me that guy would have been me but i didn't stop his whole body is dead like his whole his whole uh demeanor that food that he's
Starting point is 00:25:35 eating all those bags of junk food a killing who he is if he's not happy you can see that you know healthy food makes you feel happy when you eat healthy you feel a lot better about yourself yeah fuck yeah when you look at a fucking thing a mexican coca-cola you go you know what i could live without that boy when you get in that car and drive do you feel good about yourself oh yeah it's like anything else i turn it on a drink is i turning on a line of coke you came through for yourself you coming through for yourself as well can you put the air on you coming through for yourself is one of the biggest things you could do as a human being when i leave that fucking jujitsu class and i get in my car i say a prayer for making it i ain't gonna lie to you i say a little
Starting point is 00:26:16 prayer and a lot of candle for making it for not dying hey at least you went to a class and i went to the class i went to the class you know it's amazing how you have to look at this shit so i always uh i don't reward myself that's where you go wrong people don't fall fucking leave next you know you're on the building we'll open up a jews express in here where a guy can get a black suit in a hurry but you always have to try that'd be a good fucking idea like a black suit in yama gonna hurry come see lea a little fucking disguise oh what the hell you call it but no that's uh it's really it's really i think my best uh accomplishments are where i do something for myself how i feel like when i do something i didn't want to do yes i had to go to the doctor
Starting point is 00:26:57 in century city at 1015 it's either 405 the 101 or laurel king and you know when i left there early and i made it on time yeah and it's always the things i don't want to do once i do them oh my god do i feel good about myself and that's what people should be thinking that's what's going out of your comfort zone oh yeah same fucking thing well for months before i started working out you would call me every day and and get on me about walking and i'm a lazy person when it doesn't when it when it comes to work i like working but when it comes to exercise i just it has never been for me so i would fight it i would do a small one i wouldn't really do it but it's crazy how in the few months that i've been working out it's gone to the point now where
Starting point is 00:27:42 i feel guilty about not going and i feel great when i do go even it's like today i had a busy day i did two podcasts earlier and i had to go do some other stuff at home so i only did half an hour on the elliptical day but i still got 400 calories in i got up a little bit of a sweat and it's better than not going you got your blood going you got a little bit straight you got some muscles going you know what i mean if you do a little stretching your liver got clean your detox delivery the toxic kidneys you know there's so many fucking things that it does and i was very fortunate because as a young kid my work ethic for basketball was all lifting weights so i got used to it and it's something that nobody wants to do listen to me it's like you know nobody wants to do
Starting point is 00:28:25 unless you know you but once you go and you get into a system and you realize that it makes you feel so good about yourself and some people say oh my god i don't know what the fuck you're talking i just know that i just did something good for myself i used to do a lot of bad things for myself you know now i do something good for myself it's amazing how i went from doing 20 bad things a day and one good thing to 20 good things a day and one bad thing you know it's amazing how you change your life around how you go for little things and it went from two good things you know three good things and it's just you know water i don't i don't even know if it's true i don't know if it's true but it's got to be better than drinking fucking sodas all day yeah anything is better than drinking
Starting point is 00:29:07 six or seven cans of coke but i did without even blinking or not i could drink seven or six cans of coke from fucking eight in the morning to six at night easy oh it's easy it's the most delicious thing in the world i with chinese food with a cheeseburger with ice cubes in it stop and joint in the fucking trunk i love so that's the one thing i really need to to cut down on i've cut way down on it i used to have maybe seven or eight a day now i've cut cut back to two or three diet sodas in a day which isn't great but it's um i do notice days i have more soda than water i don't lose weight i feel like it holds on the water even if it's diet yeah because it has high sodium yeah i feel like it holds on to the water so i'm trying to do that thing that thing your
Starting point is 00:29:51 parents make you do if you want the soda have a have at least that the same amount of water first just to try it i'm always gonna love soda i can cut it out if i want to but i've cut it back to pretty recently you're 26 years old yeah i'm not sitting on no fucking high horse i stopped drinking soda when i was like 45 yeah that's when i made the decision i wish i would have made the decision at your age that would have saved the pounds well that's why i'm working out now because i used it at night i don't drink alcohol yeah so i would drink you know let me get a coke let me get a coke let me get a coke what are you drinking a coke coke coke because they're free refills yeah free refills you're doing 18 fucking cokes do the math that you know whatever 120 fucking calories
Starting point is 00:30:32 you know if you drink 20 cans of 20 of those glasses at 100 calories 90 calories yeah what the fucking you know i got very lucky that for it wasn't a weight thing i just always lean towards diet coke it was regular coke was a little bit too sweet but i can't imagine trying to cut that out because that's like you said let's see let's see you have just one with every meal that's an extra 400 calories you have to cut out that's i mean that's hard 400 calories takes half an hour on the elliptical it's a lot and dude on the fucking bicycle you're there all fucking day burning 400 goddamn calories like that i love the bike i love going from my knee and stuff like that but that's 20 minutes you go uh i just blew 20 minutes for fucking 60 calories or whatever the fuck i burned
Starting point is 00:31:15 68 calories and shit so i had to pass on that but everything's good the knee i got a physical therapy tomorrow are you worried about it with uh with with your daughter because i don't know about terry's family but i mean are you worried about watching what she eats now that she's eating more regular yes especially no sodas a lot in my house okay there's no cans you know there's juices for her and there's water my wife cuts the juices so she doesn't have that much sugar you know okay you just want to correct little things it's very easy for a child now it's like my friend he says this kid only eats chicken nuggets so they have to buy chicken fry and bat them so they don't eat that white shit they give you what everybody says they have white meat but it's really like
Starting point is 00:31:58 painted somebody told me it's they painted white i don't fucking know you know but i don't put anything past these people anymore right you know you don't put anything past these people it's amazing uh a friend of terry's uh him and his wife used to come over he was a bike rider he just got diagnosed with cancer uh he got you know the the colon cancer okay one of those cancers not colon but the other one when that guys get when you don't stick a finger up your ass every year i thought it was colon why i know he's talking about colon uh and i was talking to him today you know we were talking about what changes he made he's not getting chemo he's pulling what my uncle did he's not getting chemo he's not getting the treatment he's going to mexico for a new
Starting point is 00:32:40 experimental thing and he's also changing it to an organic uh listen man my uncle's 78 he's had cancer for two years prostate cancer is what he prostate and he's rocking and rolling he changes his diet he doesn't touch sugar i mean he spends so much money on special foods he goes everywhere just to buy a certain like that night the dodgy game he brought some little dried up fucking apple i'd like to get the name of it and it's the highest in oxy accidents whatever the fuck it is yeah he brought almonds these organic almonds he always you know and i don't know if it works i'm not here you know i'm not here like it's like this guy this guy rode a bike from uh wherever 20 miles from here north to downtown every day so he would ride the bike 20 miles from here to the bus over here
Starting point is 00:33:26 north hollywood then put the bike on the bus for half the thing then get back on the thing you know and now he goes up he's been there's a guy that rides 50 miles on the weekends he's got fucking prostate cancer you know so it's true they have to check it out you know you have to do the finger in the butt i got it i got it three or four times it's not fucking glamorous it just scares me when people say they don't want to do chemo and trust me i know chemo isn't uh guaranteed and i know it it hurts people it's it's because it's putting poison in your body but whenever i see that i'm like ah that why are you taking a chance on the new treatments listen man they do a lot of things outside this country they're very beneficial we don't get the chance to do okay because of the way
Starting point is 00:34:07 politics and the medical system and insurances i don't i don't know the bureaucracy so please do not attack me i'm just saying that i've heard this you know when you want to dial his buyers club whether they talk he's a smuggler he brings in pills that'll stop or whatever the hiv virus so neutralize it that aren't available here that the FDA will not pass so uh that's true doctors doctors get together put a purse together go to the FDA and say he's a million dollars don't pass that drug because we're out of business you know you pass that fucking drug we're out of fucking business that's also true yeah so i don't know how it works i'm not accusing anybody of anything i don't want people tweeting me later saying joey you're wrong speaking of doctors what are you
Starting point is 00:34:47 going to dallas anytime soon why would happen you didn't hear this fucking guy came from Liberia and he's fucking on dallas for a week with the bola dallas is like the fucking worst luck in the world a kennedy won't even go to texas never mind dallas that's where they shot kennedy right yeah and now a bowl isn't fucking dallas michael ervin it's just bad luck dallas is just fucking bad luck man that's why forget it i don't want to houston and i love dallas but now that the bowl is there i heard they sent them home from the whole from the hospital that first day yeah the first day and he went coughing and shaking hands and jumping up and down and eating fucking at the soul food restaurant you know how many fucking people gonna get sick now i guess a kid his kid he was close to
Starting point is 00:35:32 kids his girlfriend's kids yeah yeah this is i knew this is gonna happen this is just a fucking you know we're not smart enough to close it nobody oh you're from the united states in Liberia go fuck yourself he's not even american i know no no shit no shit no shit no shit you know listen bro every day more and more we're slipping but this is not what this podcast is about fuck them they do what they do they keep slipping and we keep fucking shooting but at least it was over in atlanta i was i was they were just keeping it in atlanta not till they were in dallas it's already in atlanta i already don't like leaving the house they're already spreading it all over the fucking place this is their this is it this is what they want bro this is what they want they got it
Starting point is 00:36:11 you didn't know to shut that fucking airport you didn't know nobody knew to shut that fucking airport if you're african you ain't coming nowhere you ain't going nowhere that's it fucking visas ripped up if you're fucking african and it's not i don't hate africans i'm just telling the truth this is what anybody anybody's smart would have done until we find out what the fuck's going on in africa nobody's coming out of fucking africa you're in africa it's pitch intent bitch pitch a fucking tent cock sucker don't worry there's no isis and fucking they don't kill black people they haven't killed the mexican or black people a chinese fucking person yet isis because the only gentiles that sit there waiting for their nothing to get checked are these fucking momos
Starting point is 00:36:50 a black mother fuck is like fuck you bitch i'm getting mine you think i just kneel there and wait like a fucking rabbit to get hooked by an a hawk yeah are you fucking crazy i'm at least getting up and getting an eyeball and ear something i'm gonna kick someone in the nuts real fucking hard why you would think so i'd bite their fucking dick right off i don't give up you're gonna cut my head off there's 80 years i'm gonna take one of you i know i could take one of you motherfuckers until you stab me i'll grab your fucking earball i'll stick my fingers in your eyes i'm a fucking nut you know i hate Ebola i hate fucking Ebola and all that shit i've been telling you people in the beginning i knew this was gonna happen that's it that's it we're done
Starting point is 00:37:28 and how long does it take from fucking uh if you walk the fucking Ebola to california still be in two weeks if you walk it if you gave Liberia boy a fucking backpack and some roller skates he'd be in two fucking weeks i'm sick i'm sick from my stomach that's quite an image just a black deer from Liberia just rollerskating we got a coffin forming at the fucking mouth that's what i need betty page triple x you sexy motherfucker what's up beautiful you know it are you welcome to the church of what's happened now lisa yats here hi betting it was very nice hey how's it going this is lee the uh the producer of the show wait nice to meet you nice to meet you it's i've heard a lot about you so a couple weeks ago
Starting point is 00:38:18 the the main man the fearless lee the dentist hoff was on the show hey i gotta love big daddy we gotta love big daddy and he told us about some of his girls and you were one of the sexy ones he spoke about and next you know we became friends on twitter and here you are and we got some questions for you absolutely yay so how is it working up at the ranch oh it's freaking awesome every day is like a party um you get to meet some really interesting people it's just everything is going 24 seven but they've got some places over there too where if you want to quiet and relax they've got some sweets over there and hot tubs and jacuzzi is in the pool i mean it's like disneyland for adults it's really cool well they're gonna be shutting
Starting point is 00:39:05 those jacuzzi's down because abola has fucking landed and we don't know those pretty girls foaming at the mouth looking like fucking walking dead uh how long have you worked up there beautiful was that how long have you worked up there i actually i haven't worked up there for too long i've only worked up there since about june and then i blew up i was the bunny of the month in august oh my god and i know it was crazy now when there's the show does the show still shoot or no um which one because we do a use stream show every week that thing is awesome i mean i just hosted um um let me see i was like doing the computer stuff because we do chat and everything and riffraff was over there too not too long ago that's katie perry's boyfriend and got pictures
Starting point is 00:39:56 of that too that was a blast riffraff is that his name katie perry's boyfriend yeah that's a name who's riffraff who's this freaking crazy is how he's got like pink hair and he's like crazy blue eyes it looks like he's dead it's crazy is wrong with katie perry katie perry you know she don't suck dick you know you know she don't take it any ass you know she don't do none of that shit and she keeps teaming up with these fucking savages want to fuck her to death while she's singing and uh then she gets pissed off when they want to come in her fucking eyeball she's like you know what i'm saying you can tell it's like jennifer aniston you can tell she won't grab a cock it's like jennifer grab that fucking dragon cock sucker the same friends bitch breathe on
Starting point is 00:40:40 that fucking yeah fun for the whole family no one the fucking brad pit left you for that dirty bitch you wouldn't let him pop it up he she wouldn't let him fucking stick a finger up her ass he said fuck it this uh what's an angelina joe lee she'll let you light her pussy on fire and turn it off with a rock just throw rocks at that's how that's how good her pussy is you could just throw rocks at her fucking pussy and turn off the fire she don't give a fuck jack now when do you go back to the bunny ranch see if it jingles now when do you go back to the bunny ranch um i was actually i may be going back for Thanksgiving just to say hi and everything but definitely i'm going back the whole month of february and the whole month of march because i'm tearing the club up so when
Starting point is 00:41:29 when does your tour of duty start in february you go back to vietnam for the monkey that's like that's like vietnam for the pussy fucking the bunny ranch you go up there you get shot fucked kicked it's tremendous fucking big daddy i love it as long as i get beat with a stick i'm happy i love it we got two sticks right over here fucking lee's got uh some typo sticks he got some fine fucking aging now when did you get started in the uh entertainment business let's say well let's see there was a while back i was dancing in west virginia because i live in virginia but i was dancing over in west virginia and funny enough i was watching one of the cat house series and there was this girl just popping balloons with her ass and i was sitting back i was like
Starting point is 00:42:17 i could do that i could pop a balloon with my ass so i went online and i applied just like everybody else i put my pictures in i'm like i'm not gonna hear back from them they don't want me next thing you know sure enough they're like we think you're beautiful we think you did great here and i was like no shit oh my god so i was like you know what suck it you only live once popped on a plane went over tried it out and i was like wow it was freaking believable it was like a dream come true so the first time you went over and tried it out how many days did you stay there for oh two weeks because you got to stay at least two weeks so i actually know that's a lie i see a mom did you cry at all the first night like summer camp what the fuck is this shit
Starting point is 00:43:07 i only cried when i didn't have enough dick that was it beautiful that's why i fucking love you you filthy animal now okay so so you stayed there for a month and that was the first time you had been on that side of the fence or you had played on that side of the fence before well i started actually at um another ranch over by vegas okay and that place was like pussy prison that was a lockdown house you could not do anything over there and no fun at all no fun so i tried to go over there a little bit and i never did anything illegally before but i had a lot of freaking boyfriends if you know what i mean right so you said what the fuck yeah exactly i was like i might as well get paid for my shit you know it's amazing uh betty when i was 21 i used to live
Starting point is 00:43:57 in aspen colorado and i used to walk around and i you know and i have nothing against women i i love women to do whatever they want with their bodies it's their world you know and i always said i go if i was pretty girl at 21 i would come to aspen i would charge fucking paper to fuck me i take care of my pussy take care of my titties i keep my teeth white you know the whole fucking deal and i fuck up the ass whatever you want for four years and when i turn and then i'd be i go in the witness relocation plan after that i go in the pussy i change my name and i'd move somewhere with my fucking uh half a million or my three quarters of a million and i would start my life and nobody would know nobody would ever know like if you were i love that people know me i'm like yeah i'm such
Starting point is 00:44:46 and such and i also go by betty's page my family knows what i do they support me they're proud of no no no i'm no no i don't mean it like that i'm mean like just uh if you just want to forget when you're 25 when you have money and you go you know what it's something i did a long time ago it worked for me then now i work in an office whatever i'm a mom now i'm a pta girl nobody needs to know that you uh rocked the house for three years and made them what because in the long run what are you gonna do what the fuck do you do from 21 to 26 if you're hot you get fucked you get dinners thrown down your throat and on top of all that these fucking morons are still gonna cheat on you you follow me i want it down my throat yeah you know they're still gonna
Starting point is 00:45:29 fucking cheat or whatever you know what fuck a boyfriend fuck or that get a guy you see him once a month again he doesn't even have to know what the fuck you do you tell him you're a scientist in a fucking uh in a martian resort in vegas where the martians landed you check rocks all day yeah they don't need to fucking know you chat house now when you go home after the bunny ranch do you still entertain or are you do you give that monkey a breather um actually i've got a really high sex drive so i'm always seen in for it i got all kinds of like lilo toys and everything and a sybian and all kinds of what's a sybian i'm even going back to clubs the sybian what's that oh my god poppy i gotta educate your ass yeah i don't know about this shit what's a sybian
Starting point is 00:46:19 see that's why you gotta come see me what's a sybian it looks like almost like a horse saddle and that whole freaking horse saddle just vibrates like you wouldn't believe and it has attachments to it and a remote control i mean it's like it's this freaking shit it's awesome and you stick it in guys assholes well i could do that too usually i ride it and then i'll fix something up the guy or i could even just do a little finger just lick it a little bit because i've got this huge oral fixation okay okay this is what i am known for i love oral because when i please a guy i take my time it's like going to dinner and having dessert you spread the guy open you kiss all around everywhere and there is not just a dick in a
Starting point is 00:47:12 shaft oh i'm sorry can i can i say that you can say whatever the fuck you want to say this is this is FCC yay we're best friends with the FCC the FCC loves us okay well basically what i like to do i like to spread them open and i like to lick from the sides getting my way inside then i'll kind of like nibble and just right there on the ball sack a little bit lift them up and i love that little grundle part right between the asshole and the balls because that's where the prostate is and that shit that'll get them going every time you just comb your ass off and lick right there then you suck on some balls just a little bit work your way up then you start with the tip and work your way down it is a whole chore before and that's what i love about this is that's why i get
Starting point is 00:48:04 paid the big bucks because i don't just want to get you off and get you out you're my meal i'm going to eat you alive that's a good way of looking at i mean that's a positive way of looking i love you for that that's uh you know because then again you have a lot of women that don't want to please you just want to fucking go on with their life then you meet a woman like you or you i'm talking to a woman like you and this is what you do you get paid to fucking make a man see fucking fireworks that's good between exactly i will pamper you bathe you wash you lube you and then wash you again definitely it's all about the experience that's uh that's a nice fucking time you sound like a very very very very nice time you watch me we fuck we eat some ass then we relax we watch a little
Starting point is 00:48:56 episode dancing with the stars and then we go right back to eating that ass again and licking balls and fireworks lee what questions you got from my beautiful girl betty page i just can't him what do you do you make the guys at least wash themselves before you look at our asshole because i can't i know what my asshole smells like and i don't want anyone sure she makes them wash themselves a nice bath didn't you just see she she does it to make sure because she's gonna bowl i do both i send them into the shower i let them wash up and everything so that they get comfortable then i lay them down on the bed and then i'll double wash them and that kind of gets the move going to you know it's just like wampan like you're spreading jelly and you know peanut
Starting point is 00:49:37 butter and shit you actually kind of do like the peter pan before and afterward do you have like industrial soap because there's not enough irish spring to ever make this i can never imagine a girl doing that to me well go up to the bunny well you don't have to imagine betty page will make it happen for you betty page i gotta ask you some more questions here what's the craziest thing a customer has asked you to do if you're allowed to talk about this if not i understand i don't want no problems with mr hoff oh hell yeah i never um i've never seen names but i will definitely talk about my adventures because they're fun what's the craziest thing a guy has come in and made you do like a guy came in and said let's i'm gonna throw 10 000 on you i want you to fucking shoot your pussy
Starting point is 00:50:22 at me and knock me down i don't know uh let me see i think the craziest so far i don't get too too crazy just yet but then again i like crazy so some stuff that people will do you know normal people think is crazy i'm like hell yeah let's try it let's do it but i think one of the craziest ones so far is um i haven't been asked to do a poop party but i have had a guy want me to pee on him that's not bad i put him in your bathtub and i did it and did he go did he come did he get off oh yeah oh yeah when they peed on me i didn't get off i had never been peed on before so it opened my fucking eyes in more ways than one i mean that pee fucking tremendous it tasted good it wasn't that bad you know uh i didn't come but i always thought about it i'm like man that's a good way
Starting point is 00:51:15 to maybe while she's peeing on you you get somebody to put a feather up your asshole and you work off with your left hand jesus does shit like that you know i'm saying that's a jesus that's a jesus yep oh another one too i had two there was this guy that came and um he basically wanted me to be his mistress so i did and he did a little bit of foot worship while i degraded him i walked him around the parlor and everything and um basically just made him call me mister betty the whole time and had a really great time and he got off that way he really had a good time now how long do you stay with the men usually when they come up to the ranch what's the minimum time they could spend with you the minimum time they can spend with me is uh probably 10 minutes and it's not going to be a
Starting point is 00:52:04 very fulfilling 10 minutes i'll tell you that but that is the minimal i try to help out every budget that i can because i enjoy what i do so i want people to come and not do anything and just leave that's not fun so you gotta do a little bit of something what do you because you must be you're obviously a proponent of all this what do you say to a guy like me or like to my girlfriend like what would you like how do you sell it because if i went and told a girl that i did this a lot of them would probably have negative reactions like how do you look at it how do you how do you how do you do it so it's not a negative experience oh well that's easy basically when you come and you see me or even any girl at the ranch um you're actually getting educated you're not just
Starting point is 00:52:54 seeing a professional which you know that you'll be clean you know that um is not going to follow you home or do anything crazy or try to stop you or you know anything like that but also you're getting somebody that's going to educate you on what works what doesn't work and you can bring that to another girl i've actually had gentlemen that you know either they were virgins or they weren't that experienced and they wanted to please another lady and they were insecure and you can't just watch corn and get educated on it so they basically come to me and say will you be my teacher and even if they don't say that just from the stuff that we do we're going to have fun and you're going to see that i like it because i don't say anything i'm going to get off if this
Starting point is 00:53:41 is my job and i'm going to be with you and you've got to be with me we're both having some fun but why do you think that is though like is this other countries that have totally legalized it and it's not looked down upon why do you think that that it's only legal in one part of one state now and it's it's in most people it's probably it's probably looked down upon um well basically it's only legal in that state and only in a couple counties because it's grandfathered in um you know as i don't know i think that we just have a hard time really changing if you look at it 70s was the era of free love finally but all the way before that we've had decades and centuries of just being complete prudes and saying that sex was wrong and even after the 70s we kind of went
Starting point is 00:54:31 back to the whole just family unit and everything is very quiet inside the bedroom now again nowadays we're just starting to get out again and really explore effectuality and say hey it's not wrong for me to feel good and you're feeling good and everybody is so pathetic it's a natural human condition we all need to touch we all need to feel love and feel luck back and you know we all go to masseuses we all get our hair done nails done we go to the barber and all that kind of good stuff even go to the gym this is exercise massage and the spa all in one it's healthy i've never when a girl has told me that that's what she does for a living in the back of my mind i've never looked down i don't know i've looked at it as a more of a liberated woman you know i mean parts of
Starting point is 00:55:25 it a little bit more liberating well i think the reason people look down upon it is itself freedom yeah well it's like i don't i look at it as when you look at a listen a woman may have kids she might have had a child and and she doesn't get along with the husband and whatever she has to do to feed that child if she's beautiful whether whatever is beauty whatever is beauty to a man they're all beautiful what what the fuck what the fuck i've never looked down like that you know yeah you meet some dances and fucking crazy but i gotta tell you something from my uh conversations with you betty and you're very intelligent you're very intelligent you know what's going on you're on the ball you're sharp you know you're just not doing this because uh you're not doing this because
Starting point is 00:56:10 you know you want to be cool and you know you do this for a fucking living this is a business for you and you're the best at what the fuck you do you know if you just want some chick to suck your dick or whatever and then you get out of a hotel room that's one thing going to you is like going to spark steakhouse it's like going fucking Ruth chris it's like going to you know i don't know all the five-star restaurants but it's like going it's like driving a fucking maserati you know i understand what you're saying i love it yeah you know and it's the truth we've all been with women that are kind of reclusive and we try to push them a little bit and they crack and then you bring women home that'll you know hit their pussies with a fucking hammer if you let them you know and and
Starting point is 00:56:53 you think of who you've had a better time with every fucking man that i'm listening to this right now who'd you have better time the chick that does her toenails and lays there like a fucking mummy because she doesn't want you to think wrong of her or the chick that turns around and says after you fuck me in the pussy i want you to stick it in my ass like a fucking you know i don't even know like you're stuffing me for tense giving and then i want you to pull it out and give me some of that you who milk in my mouth or something well it's the worst i mean betty said at the beginning she's very oral i can't tell you i wanted a girl the first time we were gonna have sex just look at me and say don't go down there because i don't i don't do it oh my god god no no no no
Starting point is 00:57:33 oh oh that is terrible i really feel bad for girls that say that it's like oh my god girl just open it up close your eyes and let him have fun no it's true it's true if you look at as a man who have you had most fun with the chicks that are fucking crazy yeah you can't marry those bitches you know that's somewhere that's somewhere gonna affect you but you look at that you want somebody in the middle of that to have a relationship with when i see betty i go to betty to get me fucking lubed up you know you go see betty watch someone even if you sling dick for three weeks you go see betty to put your right back in shape betty's like a sexual chiropractor she snaps those bones she aligns your cock your nuts align with your dick you know betty
Starting point is 00:58:20 does the whole fucking thing so i get it betty i fucking get it you know well actually i've been with straight men i've been with gay men i've been with couples even gay men love me i mean i thought the gay man so hard and he was happy he actually came back for more i had couples come with me for their anniversary and they had the time of their lives and it was great because we got to do all kinds of stuff it's not just about the guys it's about the girls and it's great when they come in with the couples because i can show the guys other things that they haven't been doing to the chicks and when the girl gets off and we're all having fun it's like the guy can have as many orgasms as he wants he can like have multiple orgasms and everything because the chicks are
Starting point is 00:59:05 just going to add it it's a lot of fun that's really uh that's fucking crazy the fact came in you changed his fucking life can you imagine like yeah he was a doctor did you lick his nutsack too oh yeah cool and did he say to you that you're better than a guy or that guy's a better that's fucking hysterical if he said you know what betty you're pretty good but i know this guy named mike that sucks a dick he was impressed fucking hysterical now let me ask you this so once you go back and march in february and you said now the girls work there year round or that you're forced to take a break um it basically depends because working over there is sort of like going to a sorority house when you go there you always have to like change out rooms and stuff and it
Starting point is 00:59:55 depends what's available um because they've got so many girls there i mean it's really it's really exclusive to be a bunny babe so to be a bunny babe is like the top notch of the whole world but they do have like a lot of girls on call and everybody wants to be there and they do try to give new girls an opportunity so it really depends on if they have availability if you know their schedule is open if you do really good like you know i've got a really good clientele and they're gonna let you come in but it really depends on what's available and what's open but as far as going over there i mean you've got girls that'll stay there for a few months at a time some that'll stay for like a week or two it really depends
Starting point is 01:00:44 it's uh it's an amazing thing when he came down and explained it to us and i've watched the shows it was very uh very entertaining and very eye-opening because i you know i know about drugs i know about mugging people i know about crime i know about so many things and i don't know anything about that sex world when uh you know i thought i knew about everything we all think we know about everything when i was 31 i started dating this girl and one day after about three months she pulls me aside she goes i don't know if you know this when i was in college i had sugar daddy and i told i looked at her face and i go you know what i ate a couple sugar daddies all the time and she's like what are you talking about i didn't know what a sugar daddy was and she told me that
Starting point is 01:01:30 he put it through school and he fucked it once a week and he used to pay all her bills and everything and i was blown away like i had never heard of those things like here i was like again i thought i knew a little bit about everything and she was telling me all this stuff and i talked to her today as a matter of fact uh she's 46 and she's still stripping and she's a millionaire and she's a millionaire because she married this old hindu and he died and left her like three million then she bought a bunch of gyms those curves and she sold them on the way on the high end so she made money there because she buys all this fucking property yeah but it's uh it's weird like you know she kept you know she till today now she tells me the truth i mean she's engaged to be married
Starting point is 01:02:18 and she gives blowjobs for 100 and she fucked you for 200 at the strip club this is a girl that's a fucking millionaire cool that's really low it's it's i mean i don't know anything about that no shit no shit no this is well this is what i'm saying to you that you could either go get let her suck your dick or you could take a train to the plane and go see my girl billy page up at the bunny ranch bunny of the month and she'll show you what it's all about let me ask you this when you were 20 did you ever think you'd be doing this when i was what 20 uh no i really didn't i never said you know well when i was younger actually i always wanted to be three things i wanted to be a playboy bunny and i didn't know why because i was too young at the time i was
Starting point is 01:03:05 about eight and i wanted to be a playboy bunny only because people thought they were pretty i wanted to be a navy seal because we got to swim around with the shark's naked and then i wanted to be wonder woman because she's hot as hell and she can kick ass so basically it's kind of like pre-ordained or destined that i have to be a bunny i never actually thought that i would do anything like this but i've always been a little nuts and it's like let's go have a good time and when all these other girls are starting to be pre-ordained like no no we can't do this we can't do that i'm like fuck you i'm going over here whoa let's get this party started now when has there ever been a chick that goes up like were you at the bunny ranch did you see a girl like on her
Starting point is 01:03:50 first day you know she's like the hot girl at the strip club in kansas city and she goes up there and all of a sudden they throw they throw like a fucking black dude with a 30 inch dick just a house warmer so she just to see if she breaks under pressure like the shape she comes out of there fucking running you know or she comes out with a big smile on the face that's what i would do before she could do anything i gotta she's gotta fuck my goomba that black the black dude from Liberia with the Ebola and if she rocks this fucking if she rocks this fucking world if she doesn't no have you ever been up there when the girls come out of room crying and says she's can't do this have you ever had that experience no no basically they're really mommy mommy is madam
Starting point is 01:04:34 susette she is awesome she is really good about screening the girls she basically talks to them the reason i call her mommy is because she's not just the madam she really looks out for her girls and if she doesn't think you have what it takes she's not gonna let you stay there or anything because it's a business and you know you want to please the clients as well as make money yourself and get pleased and if you're too scared or anything like that and you don't have a hunger for it there's no reason to be there but usually whenever the first girls get there we're all pretty nice and usually you you always get a big sister and a big sister is really hot in itself because the big sister will help you along the way by teaching you the rules teaching you how to negotiate
Starting point is 01:05:24 going into the room with the customer your first few times making sure you got it down and maybe even partying with you just to make sure that you're doing everything that you should be doing wow so they'll come in the room with your first couple times uh-huh that's pretty fucking so that's how you get on the job training or were you that good when you already went to you were good already when you went to the bunny ranch they just fucking made your shit tight your fingers that manicured now the whole fucking deal you don't have no more hangnails it's over nope no they really did make my shit tight too because there are some other things I learned from some of the other girls here and there that make hot each other and there's a little move that I know how to make it really
Starting point is 01:06:08 tight and there's two things you can do you can either make it so tight where the dick is actually going inside you more or you can make it tight where you're pushing him out that is hot so you can have like the whole section of either going inside more or outside it's awesome that's amazing you are a true professional let me ask you this has there ever been a guy that came in that you really haven't liked and you've had a sleep with him for the money and you but you really not not that you're attracted to him but you just don't like him has there ever been that situation like he's rude or he's no really and I'll tell you why I'll tell you why because there have been um a couple of guys that uh very few very few that come in there and they're rude or they're just not nice
Starting point is 01:07:02 or there's even no chemistry and I'm I'm really serious about what I do so if I don't like you I'm not going to fuck you I don't care how much money you have you can stick it up your asshole and walk the fuck out because I mean it's all about having a good time and I want to make sure that everybody that comes to me has the best experience in their life so if I can't give you a good time I'll either send you to a friend of mine that can or I'll just tell you look there's no chemistry we're not going to get along and it's not worth you spending your money I would go to some girl at a bar or just a hole in a tree and pound it out because I want to make sure that you're going to have the best time ever with me and if we don't mention you don't have a good time
Starting point is 01:07:53 I'm not going to take your money because I don't want to take advantage of you and if you're an asshole I'm definitely not going to have a good time with you I might beat the shit out of you but we're not going to have a good time that's a fucking honest as it gets you know I mean what you do is very rough uh not rough and you know it's whatever you make it in this life I mean I know people who dig fucking I know people who dig ditches for a living that tell you to have a great job you know they look at the beauty of it I get in shape I could eat what I want you know I'm 50 I don't got it digs ditches he has a the fucking thing and then he has to get in there for a foot and clean out with a shovel you know it's not just and it's and he makes it sound he's
Starting point is 01:08:37 been doing it since high school they give him 50 grand a year because they usually had two guys and he does everything by himself and you know he's my age digging and building up rocks and so it's whatever you make of your job you know if you don't like your job obviously you're not going to be effective at it or what not yeah that's exactly it so you won't be up there for December or November or nothing for the holidays give away that holiday pussy nothing no no I might be up there for like uh Thanksgiving week but I'm not sure yet I still gotta see what my schedule is but I know I'm definitely gonna be there all of February and all of March because February is my birthday too February what 22nd oh shit the same as junior serving I think or the 23rd something like
Starting point is 01:09:26 that I'm the 19th nice I'm the 19th you night that's right I'm the first fucking day of the cuss Betty Paige I love you we're gonna try to get you in studio here in November or December we'll figure something out before you go before you go up to the ranch and break some fucking hearts you have a guy come in ever with a little little little dick what do you do then like a one inch dick what do you do like you tell him it's fucking you you cocksucker don't ever come in here with this big dick again I'm fucking home the shit out of that date that's what I do some little Japanese comes in one of those little peanut dicks you rock that motherfucker chunking chunking these cousins the shit comes in I eat a tic tac like you wouldn't believe Betty Paige I love you thank
Starting point is 01:10:13 you very much and we'll talk during the week you sexy motherfucker all right and how do they find you how do they find I know your web page right what's about my web page is Betty page dot com or even my email email me because I love talking to people it's Betty page at funny ranch dot com and my Twitter I'm on the Twitter all the time it's Betty page triple X and I'm even on Facebook Betty page with two X's go to her Twitter she got some nice big fucking jugs her feet everything she's a sexy motherfucker I love you Betty page you dirty bitch I love you I love you stop stay black always right now how you like that Lisa at least I had when she was saying licking balls your face was fucking pale all the balls I like the ass all the blood in your body went right to your
Starting point is 01:11:05 fucking dick don't lie to me your dick is hard as fuck right now oh god I seen your little hand doing corner copies I kind of wish I went when I was out because I was single for like two years I kind of wish I had done that to just get the experience I still think I'd be so fucking embarrassed oh yeah of course that I mean I haven't even been so fucking embarrassed when I was on that testosterone last year I walked around so fucking horny and I would go to that massage parlor down the block from the haha yeah and parked down the block just to see just to see if I could do it maybe if a girl pops out I could see her and talk to her I didn't have the heart I didn't have to cheat on my wife and have the heart to go in and get a fucking hand job
Starting point is 01:11:43 I just can't I just think it's so fucking embarrassing sometimes you know yeah I can't I come real quick and shit I gotta look at you and sit there and fucking I go to that bunny ranch I come in a minute they're all gonna look at me they're gonna tell each other everybody knows I'm gonna fucking preemie let me give some shout out to these well you just told the listeners but they're listeners it's not I'm not fucking them you know what I'm saying Zach Corona happy birthday you bad motherfucker Flo who loves you Matt Floyd Russell McDonald Kayla Simmons you bad bitch Brandy Lynn I love you Ronnie Olson Dan Pazzini and my main man Jimmy Pitts death squad all over the country death squad Charlotte
Starting point is 01:12:24 death squad Ottawa stay strong motherfuckers you know what the deal is now what bitch now it's not like about girls tell me girls everything ones that always say I love doing this I get to meet interesting people listen I'm 51 fucking years old and I still haven't met nobody fucking interesting you're the most interesting fucking person I know because you're Jewish hey so the Jews are still shooting missiles and no I honestly don't I don't uh I don't have issues but I don't think they're I think they're a missile once a month to let them know who the captain Kirk of the enterprises you should you got to do that sometime I don't know I don't hear no more we can hear something different I think it's calm down now
Starting point is 01:13:05 we don't hear about the Russians shooting down planes no more the Russians hate Malaysians you know they shot two of those fucking planes down at least the first one that disappeared the guy went to sleep they were looking at the terrorism the fucking Russians shot that motherfucker down they radiate that bitch they never even found the fucking tire not a piece of luggage nothing yeah you think they find something nothing who gots nothing so next Wednesday we're at the fucking ice uh lighthouse next Wednesday we're at the long beach laugh factory and we're trying to put a podcast together with a show we're going down to Maronite to uh look at the things for cameras they have like a screen that pops down this would be like a new age type podcast we'll do down there
Starting point is 01:13:45 yeah that'd be cool so let's go take a look tomorrow night so that's that's it's pretty I've been thinking about that all day how we can make that live podcast really fucking kicking down there Matt Fultron's coming down really yeah Matt Fultron's coming Tom Segura might show up I got fucking Duncan Trussell if he gets back I think he gets back before the eighth he's on tour right now doing podcast tour really with some guy yeah I think he's in Portland Oregon or something wow he's really making it happen Duncan all these guys I spoke to Ari Ari's in London chip chip chile hoeing over there eating fucking fish and chips you called him yeah I called him yeah your phone bill is gonna be fucking here it's a fuck that's brother it's my brother what
Starting point is 01:14:22 am I gonna do it's a fuck I'm unlimited it's spread they call fucking Malaysia okay I could call fucking african tell those librarians to don't go nowhere it sucks suck my dick suck my dick you got a flu but it's it's pretty cool talking uh for people who don't know we just we just hit 10 million downloads uh on just iTunes and this is all because of you guys so it's pretty easy you know we you know we like doing these ourselves because we can tell you what's going on in our mind sometimes so we're our own fucking guests tonight for you people that are at home smoking dope having a good time you know jumping up and fucking down this might be the first podcast that they masturbated to Betty Paige I know it was a good one Betty Paige don't fucking hey she
Starting point is 01:15:02 showed up at the show she's very pretty she didn't act like a fucking jerk off you know most girls in that position she's a beautiful girl with gigantic tits a great body and they flaunt it she hit it you know uh people were checking around she's a pretty girl and I just thought it'd be interesting for you guys to get that perspective you know I would usually have her in the morning but fuck who cares it's Wednesday night motherfuckers get your shit together and shit she doesn't wake up early she's she has to recover from the last night she sounds like she has fun every night and talking about pain it's crazy because my wife and I were watching bubble guppies tonight with the baby I had ice on my knee great episode fucking tremendous uh I don't know which one it
Starting point is 01:15:42 was something about they opened up a pizza joint and shit the baby was scared then we watched the Halloween one but I was talking about how I gotta go to you know I was telling I told it today about the pain when I went to Jersey I didn't realize I'm 51 I realize now that whenever I go back to I feel that pain again it's gonna be also weird when I go back to Denver next week oh wow yeah how long has it been well you go every year seriously it's been 19 years seriously it's really been 19 years because when I go to Denver now I go very controlled yeah I go I stay in Denver I really haven't seen Boulder it's gotta be 13 years are you going back to Boulder yeah I'm gonna go to Boulder on Friday morning Friday afternoon and see some friends and shit and then come back for
Starting point is 01:16:30 the show Friday night I'm gonna go to look at the places where I kidnap so I'll tape all this for you people we'll make a special mad flavor as well just to uh you know just to show you the memory with the fucking story so you guys know where it's at so that's going to be very interesting it's snowing up there again or no no but it could it could the second week of October fuck yeah in fact I'm very surprised I didn't get a big snowstorm in September or did they I don't know I've been so busy I haven't even touched base to see what's going on with the weather they usually get one huge snowstorm in September like the day before is 90 yeah and the day after the snowstorm is like 65 but that foot snowstorm is just to let you know they like the Jews just to let you know Mother
Starting point is 01:17:12 Nature hasn't forgotten about you motherfuckers down below so what what are you in Denver I leave next Wednesday night after the show I'm going right from Long Beach on a red eye they have a late night red eye so I'm going to take it over there and just do Thursday Friday and Saturday at the improv oh great you know I don't even know I think it's on West Colfax or East Colfax one of those fucking streets everyone has the internet now yeah but it's funny how uh I started really on East Colfax a bad fucking street or it was 20 years ago now with development I don't know what it's like I've heard people I've asked people and they said it's still pretty fucking bad down there but I love Denver I love that whole I can't wait to eat some green chili
Starting point is 01:17:50 I'm gonna put green chili on everything I'm gonna do some working out in Denver I really had some people that reached out one guy's and helped me with my needs shit so you know listen man I'm looking forward to traveling yeah I also like seeing the people from Twitter oh it's amazing you know it's just uh it's a great time you know this week I like this is my last week home for like seven weeks wow I know you don't care but are you gonna go and try uh legal weed I don't give a fuck yeah I know that you know I don't give a fuck illegal illegal illegal you know me dog I'm gonna smoke it no matter what when I go to one of the stores I'll probably go to one of the stores I'll probably reach out hopefully Chiba Choo I'm gonna hit them up tomorrow
Starting point is 01:18:31 to do Chiba Choo Thursday okay next Thursday at the at the comedy at the improv maybe we'll all get high and do some Chiba Choo's maybe I'll have them come down and give away some Chiba Choo's and we'll get fucked up I'm not gonna eat an edible for a while now really yeah I'm pretty good for a while because I just went through a bag of gummies a bag of peanut butter brittles and fucking six weeks and doing uh so kind with you here and getting fucked up is that a good enough reason no you're slow and especially after the other night you got too fucked up oh you kept saying oh we bumped at the haha I like always like I was leaning on the parking meter for you ate 22 jujubes that night no I had one I had one red one I saw you go into the fucking
Starting point is 01:19:11 no I didn't oh but no that was uh that was a crazy night but I can't I'm almost a little bit disappointed in you why because you're the you walk around on four addables every day and now you're gonna take a break I'm gonna take a little breather you gotta take a little breather from time to time I took a breather from reefer five six months how come I don't get to say I went into breather time did you take a breather tonight well tonight but it's because you decided I didn't decide you could eat an edible if you wanted to you didn't say you want one I got one in my bag for you want to eat it now no all right then cocksucker then why are you breaking my chops it's my job it's not your fucking job it's amazing uh this fucking kid breaking my balls because
Starting point is 01:19:51 I didn't give him a fucking edible can you believe this he's like give it to me last night I gave him an edible at 730 he looked at it for 10 minutes told me oh oh oh well you give me half the donut bite it and he would hide it over there I guarantee there's still a fucking piece of edible over there it's gone there's not there's nothing no it's uh trust me I can't imagine the amount that you that you go through but it's I'm just surprised you're taking a break no I went to hacky punches you clean my dreamals she cut me and stuff so she goes you've been eating a lot of shit lately I go how do you know she goes I could smell it so I said fucking I'm done that's when you know you had too much I'll know tomorrow if I'm going to dodge a game
Starting point is 01:20:28 the first world's uh first playoff game Friday night with your uncle yeah my uncle said he'd go he said fuck the bar I'll close it because my my cousin's going to my Vegas to celebrate his birthday so he didn't really have somebody he goes fuck I'll just show up at 11 so I'll know tomorrow if I get the tickets they're expensive but it's my uncle you know I'm gonna have a good time with him on Friday I mean I you know I something happened to me last week when I went to that baseball game what's that just it brought back something that I had missed for a long time I like baseball yeah I like watching it I don't like jumping up and down and saying score and you suck umpire I don't like that shit I just like sitting and watching it just the way some people
Starting point is 01:21:07 go fishing people say sometimes people go fishing and they put their thing in and it's very therapeutic for them a very uh what's the word I'm looking for you know like they're relaxing you know relaxing yeah I did I I left there I thought I was gonna be stressed out and I had such a great time listening to my uncle tell me why black people can't hit the curve I was fucking dying you know but he's he's got that baseball logic like you know most people in Denver like that night it was a great game people leaving the 7108 it was fucking embarrassing yeah how many people were just getting up Gentiles just to go to the game to tell people they went to the fucking game they weren't even there to be involved to cheer they didn't care about the dodges and they wear the hats and the
Starting point is 01:21:48 fucking t-shirts and they get up and leave with the 17 my uncle was looking at them I thought he was gonna get up and shoot them because he's like these fucking jerks this is when the game gets good you know and I'm one of those guys I'm not gonna lie to you for a long time I went to baseball games and left because of no interest after last week I sat in I'm like man how many fucking baseball games did I go to as a child sitting next to him reminding me of sitting next to my mother at those baseball games he was a lot more quieter I mean he was 90 percent more fucking quieter than my mother would be but it was just to keep score I imagine him keeping no he didn't keep score no he knew he knows a lot about fucking baseball you know he's 78 so he watches the team I mean he
Starting point is 01:22:29 told me the nationals the team to beat in the national league maybe yeah yeah the national it's uh it's hard to keep track but I love going to live games on tv there's just so many games that it's a little bit munch but like last night and tonight there's some good games on because they're playing to get into the playoffs what's the score the giant uh Pittsburgh game there were giants were killing the power it's when I came let's find out what happened the giants were five nothing when I left but let's see I should be over by now uh oh yeah the giants killed them ain't nothing holy shit yeah so I mean it's uh trust me I love the red socks and stuff but it's uh it's hard to get into it but I understand what you're saying how you have to because I I know you you
Starting point is 01:23:16 you hate the traffic and and all and the lines and stuff but if I'm assuming you just like we're like okay I'm gonna be in traffic I might as well enjoy it with my uncle and not worry about it and it's cool that you had a good time uh it's funny I talked myself out of a lot of things I know a lot of people do that uh I'm one of them like today I had the jujitsu pants on the knee pants I taped my knee I taped my wrist I had the t-shirt on I had the bag made and I was talking myself I like only jujitsu yeah because something's gonna happen the traffic I'm gonna lose my parking spot it's amazing how your mind puts negative thoughts and that's how I am about everything before I leave the house I'm I give myself 50 reasons why I should stay home you know who's your
Starting point is 01:24:00 parking spot you don't do this you might you know and it's fucking mind boggling how your mind works like I'm surprised I don't suffer from depression I know I suffer from a couple issues but that's one of them that I'm basically always like I thought that that night with Ari was gonna be painful because the story and comedy central it was fucking easy I went down at 3 30 I was home by 4 then I went back 10 o'clock with you they picked us up what's so hard about that it's usually it's usually not as bad as you think I work myself up you know and I know a lot of people do that then I thought the fucking New York trip oh my god it's the New York trip was easiest part it was easy it couldn't be any fucking easy you know I was dreading those two weeks
Starting point is 01:24:43 because I hadn't been on the road for so long I was dreading those two weeks and they were beautiful now I'm looking forward to Denver I'm looking forward to Baltimore I'm looking forward to Miami then I got a week off you know so that's the uh it's just amazing how I talk myself out of shit you know I didn't work out Monday because I hurt my knee something I got off the plane I went to Hawaii and I was doing uh leg ups you have to strengthen the knee okay and Monday my legs rolled up a little bit you know and I was like I'm not gonna work out and I shouldn't I did I oh I went for a long walk okay that's why I did I went for a long walk and then I kept battling myself whether I should work out I'm not working I'm gonna start to give myself reasons then by 11 o'clock
Starting point is 01:25:22 I was pissed because I didn't go to the gym and do the epileptical whatever the fuck it is right today I went to jiu-jitsu but yesterday when I went to dr. Amy she told me that acupuncture I'm happy to work out today because your leg was really swollen oh so she cupped it she needle did she did laser on it she did the electromagnetic field on it which I'm gonna go buy one at CVS for a hundred bucks so when you have an injury you put the electrode thing on there okay and you strengthen it and the electricity sends charges into your muscles and into to put blood into that area so it heals which is what usually happens you're supposed to give that's why I always say to you when your knee hurts a lot of people go my knee hurts I'm not
Starting point is 01:25:59 gonna wake up do me a favor go put some blood in it and then see how it feels yeah once you put blood in that fucking knee or elbow or finger or wrist my wrist hurts once I warm it up and I do wall push-ups and shit it's fine yeah I get you know I'm saying it's amazing you see how much you work yourself out of doing stuff I had Steve Simone in here today and I was at the gym I was just sitting in a chair because I was finishing up a phone call before I went in and I was at the gym in my stuff and I was like I'm not gonna do this I have because I have this tonight I have to go home and do some a little some of this some of that I was like I'm not gonna do it and I just did it and it's it's amazing how much time you can waste watching TV and I think
Starting point is 01:26:39 I'm the way I am yeah you know why I think I'm the way I am because I know that when I sit out in the afternoons and I watch TV sometimes unless I have ice on my knee I feel horrible even if it's just 10 minutes with the baby yeah I feel terrible about myself because I know in the back of my mind there's something else positive I could be doing yeah there's something I could be doing I understand people's concerns with children watching TV I grew up on TV me too I mean that was my baby said who the fuck you kidding and I loved it I loved it you know I can see my I don't want mercy to be involved in television but I can see her singing songs now from bubble guppy she says guppy you know whatever little things she's learning you know my daughter's a fucking cunt hair away
Starting point is 01:27:19 from putting a sentence together sorry about that folks she really is she's a cunt hair away from being a person you know she goes she'll say die a bubble and then she'll go and then she'll stop the fucking sentence I don't know what the fuck she's saying she sounds like a little apocalyptic I just have a conversation with her but the more I talk to her the smarter she's gonna be the more I talk to her I ask her questions I drill it even if she don't ask me I don't give a fuck I ask her questions where do you want to go what do you want to eat she don't know what the fuck I'm talking about maybe she does but one day she's gonna put that whole sentence together like the mermaid and fucking whatever and then you're gonna be in trouble oh my god
Starting point is 01:27:57 she starts saying fuck you guys ices don't kill black people I'm gonna have problems at daycare no she's gonna turn off sons of anarchy it's bubble guppies time well oh she throws a fit when you turn on tv let's give a shout out to some fucking sponsors we could wrap this shit up so people could go to bed or keep fucking typing at work and I want you wasting time listening to this shit you could be making money cock sucker on it I can't say enough about on it they have helped me throughout this surgery with the hemp horse protein they've also helped me with the strong bone they've also helped me with the alpha brain to keep my fucking head focused in the game they helped me write joke listen man it's it's not a mineral it's not a fucking vitamin it's a lifestyle
Starting point is 01:28:36 on it it's a very positive absolutely you're always gonna get something good when you take care of yourself when you put time into yourself you know you're having problems at something get a workout regimen going even if you're just walking do yourself a favor go to honet.com look what they have to offer I get your 10% off on all the vitamins and all the optimization stuff to the fucking alpha brain and which has a hundred percent money back guarantee you don't even have to return it hemp horse protein the new mood is great if you need help sleeping dog the new mood is fucking good I haven't taken the one in fact I gotta call Orlando it might help you sleeping yeah it might help me a little bit you're right I might I might do I took them for a while yeah and you
Starting point is 01:29:14 know I still take the turn around 360s I had a couple packages left yeah take long flights everything they do they really do help out whether you travel whether you're looking to work out whether you're a fighter where you're just getting started go to honet.com look around see what they got to offer you you know they got kettlebells and all that stuff I can't help you with that like I said I'm here for the vitamins if you want alpha brain go to honet and press church in the box ch u r ch boom get 10% off sent right to your fucking house if you want to send the house every month they have a stay on a program go to honet trust me I wouldn't fucking lie to you again me on these dot com listen I have a pair of the mom right now I got those fucking uh the the sabba fare ones
Starting point is 01:29:56 what are the camouflage ones because I put those on for the jitsu so I took a shower I put the other pair on ahead you need to know about me on these dot com they have the most comfortable underwear you've ever fucking tried they fit perfectly they don't write up on your asshole they literally pull moisture away from your skin I told you the story last week I had them up for 24 hours while I'm taking a shower my balls smell delicious that's confidence right there you pay for that you pay for that when you get me on these do me a thing go to me on these dot com check out the pics of all the different styles underwear for girls guys check out those hot looking boy shorts if you're gay I don't fucking know men and women high quality materials for you you know what I'm
Starting point is 01:30:38 saying right the price I'm glad you asked it's a fraction of what you're spending on your underwear right now do me a favor help me out go to me on these dot com let me help you the fuck out go to me on these dot com get 20% off your first order 20% off your first order when you go to me on these dot com slash joey right now and I'll tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna give you free shipping and us and Canada you Canadians you need to tighten up those fucking nuts acts we're gonna guarantee you guarantee you you're gonna be happy with them especially if you go to jitsu they fit perfectly trust me once you feel that me on these on your body you're not gonna want to fucking take them off but to get the 20% off you got to go to me on these dot com slash joey is that correct
Starting point is 01:31:18 that's correct all right why are we fucking around here the best the best I talked about value at the beginning of the show the definition of value is a great solid product for a little bit of fucking money compared to what's out there hit e-cigs are the best longer lasting better tasting guarantee 1200 fucking pops not only that the company is fucking solid they're a solid bunch of guys from megawatt garba these guys are fucking solid they came out to the show I got to meet the whole brass I know what their fucking mission is you know to help people quit smoking to help to be safer not to be offended with their fucking smoke you know because it smells like whatever anyway and they have cigars and they got cigars they got different flavor this cigar is great
Starting point is 01:32:02 this cigar is great we go to commie so tight you see me smoking this fucking cigar go to hitty six dot com and press what joey's church joey's church get 20% off the limitation that 20 bucks you get them for what 16 yeah 16 this thing last you three weeks compared to anything you had to buy any of the stores go to hitty six dot com and get your fucking money's worth whether it's a car whether it's a cigarette a plane or a flavored cigarette go to me on hitty six dot com me on this dot com what the fuck am I talking about also everybody likes free who doesn't like free I'm here to give you something for free oh shit okay you ready for this I'm ready get close to the fucking speakers here nature box dot com
Starting point is 01:32:46 why fuck around two words free snacks I'm gonna give you a chance to get free snacks drop the fucking candy bar drop the potato chips drop all that shit they're not good for you you know this I know this get delicious hold some snacks delivered right to your fucking house you understand me I mean delicious snacks from the blackened uh the salt and pepper lentil things to the to the Chiracha almonds uh the Chiracha cashews to I mean the the new blueberry whole wheat raspberry everything they have sunflower seeds sunflower corn kernels that were those corn kernels are fucking delicious yeah that's what that's what they sent me delicious listen why fuck around you they don't even have you have gluten free they got zero artificial colors sweetness zero
Starting point is 01:33:30 grams transplant and no high fructose corn syrup why fuck around you're gonna hear from me get the cocoa almonds get the big uh the sweet potato fries get the peanut butter nom nom's or the fucking chocolate nom nom I'm gonna try those oh shit it's cool because when you sign up they're like do you like crunchy stuff do you like chewy stuff they go through what you like they go through it guys go there get the free box sent to your house right now get your free trial go to naturebox.com slash joey what is it Lee it's joey yeah slash joey naturebox.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net stay full stay strong don't fuck around these are the best things going to get your free thing go to naturebox.com slash joey yeah you're welcome bitches and the cool thing is it's totally free they
Starting point is 01:34:13 don't charge you for shipping they don't fuck around so it's it's like honestly you're gonna need snacks you're fucking stoned right now right now you can have a sriracha fucking walnut whatever the fuck sriracha cashew stop fucking around right now right now go to naturebox.com press slash join get a free fucking box ship to your house why are we doing this nail to life.com these guys are the original my man Dave I love these fucking guys like Lee said every time you see him they were giving everybody fucking snacks at the Comedy Central thing the cameraman the mexican sweep and they don't give a fuck they want everybody to be high the best vapor pen on the market they also have t-shirts there they have a bunch of stuff do me a favor after you get
Starting point is 01:34:50 your free box nature box go to nail their life.com and press what joey yes but honestly go there first because you're gonna want to have the snacks by the time you get this pen well you think you're fucking with it do me a favor I don't know if you've seen this chain around my neck especially living in Hudson County or the New York City area there's gold like when you go to zales and all that shit you get ripped off and then there's people who take care of you know when I went home this time I bought a chain little thing for my daughter and this last time this time I bought a ring for my wife I when I got married to my wife all I had was 40 bucks we got a Walmart ring for 40 bucks and I always wanted to give us something so for our fifth anniversary next month I wanted
Starting point is 01:35:30 to save up money and give her a ring I got a ring I went there and found her a ring I can't even tell you the price for a one-carat fucking ring that he gave me it was cheaper than fuck his name is Mike go to Crespo's Jewelers they're in Union City fucking tremendous Mike will take care I spoke to him today I called him yesterday to thank him because I can't trust nobody out here no I trust nobody out here you go to zales they charge you triple for what it's fucking work so I went to name of the jewelry place Crespo's jewelry right on fucking West New York that this is not a sponsorship dear friends of mine and they have two locations so I told them I would give them some love they take care of me all the time man and that's what I'm looking for I want them to take care of
Starting point is 01:36:09 you the same way they take care of me if you're in the New York City Hudson County area Crespo's fucking jewelry that's it that's a cool thing because whenever you watch these travel shows they're always going to these restaurants and having these amazing adventures and you're like if I'm going to I go to China I'm not gonna get that the coolest part about the stuff we we have as partners here is that you can have exactly what we're having it's like it's it's pretty awesome we don't fuck around here at the church man I'm happy you guys tuned in tonight uh I don't know how to say this I'm sorry about fucking Monday things happen you know I'm saying things fucking happen but anyway you guys know I love you to death remember 10 8 october 8th I'm at the Long Beach
Starting point is 01:36:50 last factory october 9th to the 11th I'm at the Denver improv improv and 10 15 to the 18th to some I'm at the Baltimore I forget the name of the fuck let me look it up can you believe that shit the toy factory the last factory see you need an edible I'm sorry I just burped into the microphone all right you are at the uh let me check here you are at the comedy factory in Baltimore now the 16th and 17 let's just start with fucking the Long Beach last factory in Denver right let's just get those dates down do me a favor guys I love you guys thank you for listening thank you very much for the 10 million downloads Liam myself want to thank you for being great fucking a great network we have here we got a lot of love and you guys know when you come to see me
Starting point is 01:37:36 I love each and every one of you from talking lair with all my fucking heart that the Oscar Nunes to Leon to Cleo you know there's just so many years to my main man waterbox and his beautiful wife you guys have given us so much love Constantine rain I mean there's so many fucking people Laura oh my god the list goes on and on and on Joey Brooklyn thank you thank you I'm not the cleanest guy in the world I'm not the funniest guy in the world but I love you motherfuckers and I appreciate you like you wouldn't believe you guys have changed my fucking life because you've made me that much better so I want to thank you for what you've done to me the last two years Lee you're gonna tell these cocksuckers anything no it's just it's you're right it's and it's not a lot of people say fans
Starting point is 01:38:19 and you said it's from the beginning I don't want to freaking if you want to be a fan I can't have your freaking token layers like my best friend in Vegas now he he he he he torments me because he knows I'm Jewish and he've always posted these pictures of the Samuels 3000 of nearly Samuels it's hilarious fucking hilarious you know we've been blessed with some great people in our lives man and I know you hear a lot of shit and fake fucking things if you know anything about me I really appreciate you guys I really appreciate what you've done for my life and how you've kept me in check and how you may be a better fucking man you make me right and you make me do good things for you guys to be healthy because I want you to do the same I became a comedian not because I'm
Starting point is 01:38:59 better than you fucking guys I became a comedian because I was a loser and I had nothing else to do and there's nothing else I wanted to try and this is where we are now and I want you people to know you could all do the same thing whatever the fuck you want to do it's not about comedy or money just be happy and smoke dope and eat somebody's asshole and but the most important thing to live your life how you want to fucking live it on your terms bitch I love you thank you for watching the church every week all right guys now that the show is over don't forget go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sampler box free of great tasting healthy snacks that's honestly it's free they don't even make you pay for shipping so why not try it out forget the vending machine
Starting point is 01:39:39 and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue get-up kernels I like how you said you're not having edibles but yet you have a bag full of weed so I mean you're not stopping go to naturebox.com slash joey that's naturebox.com slash joey and you're gonna get a free box also go to meatundies.com and you're gonna get 20% off of your first order and free shipping in the United States and Canada on any of their great men's underwear women's underwear they have socks they have any product you need it's better than what you're getting now you'll smoke some more pot right now that's I can't wait thank god you have the meatundies on that's right so go to their meatundies.com slash joey it's 20% off of your first order and they give you free shipping so
Starting point is 01:40:27 that's even more because you know how these companies kill you with the shipping go to ana.com use codeword church to get 10% off any of their amazing products like alpha brain new mood shroom tech immune shroom tech sport this show is also sponsored by hitesigs.com the proof is in the vape they have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you anything you want to try they have use codeword joey's church that's joey's church and you're gonna get 20% off of your order and go to naileditlife.com for all the oil and wax smokers out there they have the best favorite pen on the market they're great guys to do business with go to naileditlife.com use codeword joey Diaz no spaces and get 20% off your order little hector levo for you motherfuckers on
Starting point is 01:41:15 the way out hit it leak oh You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me.
Starting point is 01:42:04 You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me. You can't stop me.
Starting point is 01:42:22 You can't stop me.

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