Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #221 - Joey Diaz, Ari Shaffir and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 14, 2014

Ari Shaffir, Comedian and Host Of Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  For The Love Of Money - O'Jays I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet The Pay Back - James Brown Recorded on 10/13/2014

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. I do it at the gym on my iPad all the time, makes you look to go buy go buy much quicker. Support this podcast, get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to HuluPlus.com slash Joey. That's HuluPlus.com slash Joey. This show is also sponsored by DollarShaveClub.com. Get high quality Razor Sentient Door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com slash church. That's DollarShaveClub.com slash church. Or just go to joeydia.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And Joey, if I'm right, they're giving away a shave butter now, right? Absolutely. Yeah,

they're giving away a free thing, a shave butter. If you go and use the code word church, this show is also sponsored by OnIt.com. Go there, get Alpha Brain, Numu, Troom Tech Immune, Troom Tech Sport. Someone was telling me online that they have melatonin because I was saying the new mood is good. If you're trying to go to sleep, they have like just straight melatonin code word church to get 10% off. And the show is also sponsored by hitesigs.com. That's hit, the letter E, sigs.com. What's with the laughter, cocksucker? They're better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars. Use code word joey's church to get 20% off your order. Oh, shit. Just when you thought it's safe. Look at the end of the podcast. I

won't be good. The Jewish national anthem. Here we go, motherfuckers. Monday, October 13th, break out the fucking bazookas. It's a yarmulke type of night. Don't fuck around. Kick it, Lee. What? Wiggle, Lee. Wiggle that motherfucking thing. Hit it. With the cash now, Lee. Get the gun, get the yarmulke. Machine gun. A fucking rock. A sledgehammer. Do it. Old time rabbi. A knife in the shoe. Don't fuck with the Jew. What? It's a whole new fucking week, people. Monday. Take your dick out. Swing it in the air. Who gives a fuck? It's all about you, bitches. Wiggle, Funko Joy. Some people. What happened with the wiggle? You lost the rhythm, cocksucker? That's the cookies fault. Where you been, dog? I've been everywhere. I know you want to see

Pitbull Friday. I didn't go when I grew up. But you guys ever have something happen and it brings you back to when it happened at like eight years old? Yeah. I went to some movie today. I was in the bathroom. This old guy next to me farted at the urinal. And like, when I was like 10, I was in the bathroom with my best friend, and Wendy, this old guy farted and we both died laughing. We ran to the parking lot. He saw us. And I saw this guy farted next to me in the urinal at the movie theater today. And it took all my strength. It's fucking crazy. It's funny when you fart. Like, I blasted a fart in the bathroom airport, airport bathroom about a month ago. Everybody freaked out. Like, everybody. It was a long one. I was at the urinal at the

end of the pee. When you're fucking your anus, you're tightening it up and shit. I blasted one, a long one. And people looked at me. I thought that's where you blasted farts. But I guess not. Oh my, I guess you got to blast them in public. I did one for the bathroom this weekend and Paula started laughing because my bedroom was not that far from my bathroom. I had this big fart and she just started laughing. Something that's pretty cool. What else did you do all weekend? Not much. We had her mom's birthday dinner and then we picked her up Saturday and went to the gym, watched some TV, watched Patriot Sunday. They win? Yeah. Everybody happy? Bill Belichick good? Yeah, I was good. I mean, I was just, I was worried because the bills, I was worried we're

going to lose, but it looks like we're getting better. Beautiful. I don't know what you're having. The bills, the bills were doing pretty well and we were tied for first. What? Yeah, that's only six games into the season. Get them started. He's a cowboy. He's got binoculars. Orteez has testosterone cancer. David orteez, you hear that today? No. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Now who'd the cowboys beat up on? Seattle Seahawks. They smacked them. They went right at fucking Sherman. They took it to him. They played like men. That's how you do it. Yeah. A couple freak plays, a punk, got blocked for a touchdown and something else happened, some fumble for a touchdown.

And they still came right back and fucking last minute drive. Romo wasn't Romo. Amazing. Five and one. They're going to make the playoffs, man. The first I was done, I thought six and 10 this year. Look at you. Look at the ball. They're going to break my heart again. They're going to break my fucking heart again in week 17, like they always do. Unbelievable. I, of course, went to Denver. The improv. Very nice. Very nice, nice people. I want to thank everybody that came out. Had a great time. Metal Brad 420, brothers, this fucking the blunt of death. Graham, blunt of death, which we're going to spark up after the show tonight. All alien OJ and make a video of. I believe it'll be passed out like the girl in 16 candles.

I had three quarters of an edible of a Barney today. So you're going deep tonight. We need some milk with this. What fucking milk? That's got to go through. That's so much smoking. Bring your milk to Joey is like bringing up ranch dressing. Why don't chocolate milk? How about chocolate milk? I love chocolate milk. Let's get some chocolate milk and cut our throat. We're going to get chocolate milk. 7-Eleven. No, there's no 7-Eleven around here. We're dead. There's 7-Eleven everywhere. Where? This looks like Bodegaville out here. There's no 7-Eleven around here. There's 7-Eleven 10 blocks that way. Oh yeah. Little canyon. Oh yeah. But there's one off of Burbank. Where? Oh, that's right. You know there's no 7-Elevens in Dayton, Ohio? How come? I don't know

because it can't support it. They can't support it. There's no 7-Elevens in all of Dayton. The closest one is fucking Columbus. Where'd you fly out of? Dayton. Oh, they have a local airport. Yeah, international airport. Tremendous. No, Denver was very nice. Dayton Flyers. That's where fucking Wright brothers were after North Carolina or something. I don't know. I look at the pictures. You learn something new every day. That's the pictures of the airport. Denver was very nice. I was very impressed with it. I hadn't been there to do comedy in a long time like that, like by myself. How long? Decade? 94. Wow. 20 years. 96 was the last. I went into the triple run. I did Craig. I did Craig somewhere up close to Aspen and whatever was

Saturday night. That's the last time. I was dating a girl named Carol when I found the aluminum phone in her asshole there. And I fucking, it took her with me. I was a nightmare. It was a fucking nightmare. I'm sure she loves it. That's how you remember her. I still talk to her. And she's getting married. She's getting married. I asked her two weeks ago. I said, let me ask you something. Does he know how many dicks you suck? And she's like, no. And he's not gonna know. Okay. He thinks like your breath is fucking minty because that's gum. He doesn't know that. That's fucking, you probably got fucking testicular fucking nut sack, cancelling your mouth that tastes like fucking peppermint juice or whatever the fuck it tastes like.

Well, you guys, you guys gotta get me on that type of thing. So the one you ate on Thursday. What are you? The Chiron burrito and the tater tots. Oh, right. Listen, listen. There's certain places that you go to. Yeah. Like Ari and I went to Denver one time. First thing we did was we walked around the corner and we got green chili. Yeah. At that place. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. Listen, that's it. That's it for Denver. You don't go to Denver to get a steak or cheeseburger. Well, they have an Italian hero. Listen, stop it. Stop it. You walk into a place. You look at the menu. If they got the port green chili soup, you walk in there and you go, let me get a fucking cup of soup. Don't ask if it's spicy. Don't ask. Just bring extra tortillas. And then

you decide if it's good, bring the cup. If the cup is good, then go all out and get whatever you want. But you're gonna smother it with the green chili. Just it'll be good. Yes. So the first thing I did was because they have what people don't know or some people do know is that they have different kind of Mexican foods that the food you get in San Diego is different than the food you get in LA. Yeah, but it's completely different than the food you get in the Southwest Dallas. No, New Mexico, New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Santa Fe, Santa Fe. That's what they have. They have green chili. When you go to Texas, it's Tex-Mex. Chewies, Papacitos, all that with the queso and all that stuff. So you have three different areas, maybe even four. I don't know what the other one might

be. Don Carlos was talking about that. I said it's some truck went by and said authentic Mexican food. He goes, dang it. Authentic Mexican food? He goes, they ain't any authentic Mexican food. I make fucking San Diego garbage Mexican food. That's what that guy makes too. He's like, be honest about it. Well, it's been Americanized. It's been Americanized. But they still have, there's a lot of things that are very, you know, tacos, fucking tacos. But they fuck it up in the East Coast. I've never I like hard shell. They're not bad. I'm just saying it's not the same. And like when I moved here, I had never tried like a taco with cilantro and onion. When my my mom made like no, I can't deal with that. No, no, no. East Coast hasn't had fucking Mexican food since Jesus left. I know it's

so weird. It's horrible because they didn't migrate and even the ones that migrate to good Mexican food in the East Coast, you have to pay for it. It's fucking it's 1995 a dish for like, you know, two enchiladas and a and a bean taco and North Bergen has one. I grew up North Bergen. It used to be Gregory seven a week. That's waste. And they have an upscale one in Fort Lee which is a tequila bar. But my friends go and they're like, bro, we drop 60, 80 bucks every time we go in there. I don't understand that. I was telling Paula last night we were walking by this place on Ventura and it was like a fancy Mexican place and the best Mexican food are tacos and it's garbage food at its heart. It's garbage food. So don't fucking doll it up too much. Just eat it as it is. But

there's good fucking. Yeah, there's good and bad. But I like the stuff in San Diego, the stuff by the Comedy Store, the Rosaritas by the Denny's right by PB barring. Yeah, right across that shit behind there. It's open 24 hours. What's the place on Western? It's so good. The restaurant? Yeah, it's a restaurant. Yeah. The one on Western is the one El Cholo. El Cholo. And that place is good. When they make the quac right at your table, the spicy guacamole. Shit. And the margaritas there. Yeah, I used to play the game. Josh Wolf used to cater for them. And the main thing wasn't the money. It was to take a gallon of those margaritas. You always told the help. We were out of margaritas. What were you on in three gallons? They're out. These motherfuckers drink like fishing.

Meanwhile, you got one in the trunk and you poked up a gallon of that fucking margarita juice that they have down there. Was it hot though? Even in the trunk? Who gets a fuck? You put on ice in an hour. You take it an hour. I know, but still. No, you just put it in the car and you fucking leave it back there. You cater at night. Come on, leave your fucking head. I've never catered. Yeah. So you put the fucking thing in the truck. They have ice in there from the catering. You can tell them whatever the fuck you want. We're all out. Let me see all three of them. Okay. Whatever. So we take a fucking gallon home with us. And those margaritas are delicious and they will fuck you up. So if you're a margarita fan, you're a Mexican food fan. El Cholo on Western

Boulevard. Western. Delicious. And it's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's not that pricey. It's a pay like 12, 13. That's it. You can have a great time. It's not that good. Fuck, they had a blue corn tortillas or whatever. The blue tortillas one like two months a year. It's a good date place too. No, it's been that much. It was a margaritas. Yeah, the margaritas. In Boulder, there was a place that you had three margaritas and they cut you off because they made them with grain alcohol. What? So you didn't even taste the fucking grain alcohol. Oh, you are. And next, you know, pop, I am fucking delicious. And at lunchtime, they had Dolla Margaritas, little ones. So people go in there and get fucking lit. I used to go in and eat the

black beans were the best in there. They had a mix of like refried beans and black beans. Really? Just, just delicious. But all that stuff is, you're right. It's not authentic. We've, it's like, but it's about that. Chalupa. Ask a Mexican what a chalupa is and he'll look at you and go, I have no idea. Right. Because they didn't invent it. That's something. It's like ciabatta bread. That's not Italian. That's some, that's some fucking Gentile. So let's, let's be different. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Ask the Italian fucking about ciabatta bread. Well, they may call it something else, but that's, that's garbage. I hate that shit. I hate ciabatta bread. I don't know. Really? Yeah. I love it. You know, I heard sushi is not that huge in Japan. Yeah. I heard that's

like not like that. I always thought it was like the main dish. It's different. It's different. It's like fucking like dirty birds and shit. You eat dust and seeds and sea clams and shit. And your fucking fish has been stabbed and they throw it back in the water. Yeah. So you see where the knife wound was, shit like that. You know, shit like that. That's what it's different. But it's freshly, it's fucking friendly. You know what else I bumped, I bumped into this guy in Denver. Well, I knew Bubba. Bubba gave me some good fucking weed too. But this guy here, Adam Tyree, Revtech, these little vaporized, these new systems, these are the electronic vaporization. They're like the blue cigarette, but only with refit, neos. Yeah, they're great. You can get

refills from dealers all over the place. These? Yeah. They're awesome. That style of thing anyway. And you just buy the, the, the refill from the dealer or dispensary. And there's the battery right up? Um, yeah, I guess so. Maybe it doesn't, though. Maybe it just works on the, when you pull. I don't know what I'm talking about. The lights are going on. I would have to imagine since you're buried. I would have threw it in my face, Lee. I'm sorry. Fuckin' Lee. Not Denver was very nice. It was, uh, the food was great. You know, the hotel, the comedy, the people that showed up with just fucking tremendous. Yeah. I didn't really go into these dispensaries. I didn't really get involved. I went just to do it the first time I went. I went

just to go to like, you know, I'm going to check my card or anything. Yeah. And then it's great now. As soon as you stop in. No, I didn't even go in nothing like that. I just went and did what I had to fucking do. That's it. I wonder if I'll have them at the airport at some point. You would think so. You what? Have dispensaries at the airport. That's tremendous. On the way out. In Mexico, they sold all the pills at the airport. No way. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. And whatever the one is. In Mexico, it was just so crazy. Is it not? I mean, my friend said he went down there. There was some coke on the beach. They're selling coke right on the beach. On the fucking beach. They come by and they're authentic little outfits. And they go, uh,

seashell clam necklace, seashell clam necklace. And you're like, Oh, no, it's okay. Like, no, it's okay. Like cocaine. No, cocaine. We eat cocaine. That's fucking great. Man, relax. Get out of here. That's all the beach. And it's like nonstop. They don't stop coming and pestering you. You got to go off. You got to go away. I wonder if you give them 20 bucks, how much coke they give you in Mexico. They got to give me like a pound or two. I don't know. But I asked that guy for, what about mushrooms? You got mushrooms in here because the water was so fucking warm at night in the middle of the night. You could, it was like, Oh, it's great. And he goes, no, but if they, because I was buying weed from

him. So I guess he was like on my side goes, if anybody tells you they have mushrooms, they're lying. We don't get them here. We've tried. We don't get them here. So yeah, they're cool, motherfuckers. Yeah. He was still being honest about it. He was a good guy. Yeah, you get those. Even Joe, we easily smoke like an entire joint by yourself. Pass out a joint to each person in the circle and say, go to work. Cause it's just going to get your buzzed. You know, it's crazy because this weekend, the underlying things I didn't think about till four or five days before I went to them was I thought about calling my daughter. Wow. Back in my mind. Oh yeah. Call. Is she still there? I have no fucking idea. What happened?

Did you call her? No. Why, why? I just talked myself out of it. I guess I wanted to do it and talk about it on the podcast because it's that last, uh, loose end in my life. How long has it been? It's probably been 10 years now. I could have had a memory if you, you contact me or something. It's, it's all been, uh, it was a misunderstanding. It was an argument. It was a lot of anger involved, not with her. 10 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, you know, it was building. It was something that was building for maybe, uh, six years. They were playing and they kept playing and I kept getting letters and I would get the shit in the mail and overnight buck. It was just hard. It was just a hard thing to go to. And I tell you what, I went there to work. I went there to

do comedy and I didn't want to call and get into an argument or just have some weird feelings and it ruined my comedy for these people. So I said, I'll do it another place, another time. You know what? I reached out years ago and, uh, two days later, the Facebook page was gone. So obviously what the fuck it is, you know, so it's time to just move on. One part of me wants to move on. One part of me wants her to meet Mercy and from Mercy to meet her or whatever. But, you know, right now it wasn't the time, you know, and that's it. I really wanted to be back on the show and go, guess what? I called and this is what happened. So tell her she's got a sister now. Yeah. You know, and just, uh, I just didn't want to call the house. Sorry. I just didn't want to,

I don't, what is it? Her mom's house? Yeah. You know, I have a, how old is she? She's 24. She's not so there. Is she? I have no idea, but that's the call I need to make to find all this shit out guys, you know, because I think by like time she's 30, she'll get over it. And we both have to get over it. You know, who knows? What did she say to you last time? It wasn't what she said. It was the position that she had was put into. This is what my beef was guys. Just so you know, I didn't abandon her or I didn't talk to her. No, I followed up. I remember booking that Taco Bell commercial and getting like a bunch of money and going to Boulder. And it was like one of the worst experiences in my life. I've had better

experiences when I had no money and crashed on somebody's couch. Why? What happened? I went, I booked a room at the broker, which was at the time was, you know, a hundred and something dollars. This is 1012. This is 1997. This is, this is when the decline started 90. It was 97 that summer. It was the slow decline. We were okay for about two years. I left Boulder in June of 85 and we were okay. I was sending letters. I was talking to her on the phone. I was going back when I did comedy. I went to pack up my apartment. I saw her. You know, I wasn't seeing her guys for a day. I was seeing her for four hours. You know, it was just brutal. But I saw her. I put my time in. But then once I left guys, it's like anything else, you know, I would call her. She'd be sleeping.

And then they moved to London without me knowing. They moved to London. After that, that incident in Boulder in 97 that I went and bought a hotel room, rented a car. I had to pay somebody 500 bucks and pay their credit card bill to use their credit card. In those days, they would let Lee put his card up for me. Now they won't. Now you have to have a matching card. Lee's driver's license has to match his credit card. In those days, Ari could lend me his credit card. So the friend that lent me his credit card only had a thousand on his card and he had 800 on there. So I said, how about I take the 800 off? Would you lend it to me if I paid that bill? So that's how I got to do. So everything cost me a ton of money.

And I went to Boulder. She just doesn't want you in the kid's life. In the kid's life. And for three days, she kept telling me, yeah, yeah, yeah, later on, we'll do it. And then she would say, oh, she doesn't feel good. Oh, this is what's going on. And that was like three days. Like, I couldn't really deal with that. That sent me back in. I went into like this fucking cocaine thing because at that point in my head, it wasn't that the mother was playing with me. It's like the mother was, what's that when they, uh, you know, poke the fucking bees hive? Like we had already been through 15 rounds. And the judge told the next time you don't let him see the daughter, I'm going to get you for contempt of court. And me, I'm not tied together. I won't

call cops on somebody for contempt of court. So I went back to my call and I said, listen, I haven't seen the kid in like four fucking months since I see her, you know, five hours a week or 10 hours every other week. Let me just see it three days, five hours. Well, she's got school. And, uh, you know, there's plans and she has activities and she has dinners with friends and what the hell is she's fucking eight? You know, she's seven. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. So this time, that's what really fucked me up when I went 97. Just didn't watch this here. It's fucked up with divorce does to people. Like my parents hate each other and they were married

for 20 something years. I mean, they shouldn't have been, but still, you know, like just hating. It's like, it was probably 10 years too long. That's why they hate you. They hate each other for wasting each other's lives. You start getting mad. You go, you made me old. Yeah. Like you get mad at somebody and then that anger goes away and then you get mad at something else. Like Jesus Christ, I didn't love you for 12 fucking years, the last 12 years of our lives. You know, you didn't even sleep with me for eight of those years. I could have been with somebody else. Now who the fuck wants me now? You know, who the fuck wants me now? So divorce, the anger and divorce, it's different levels of it. First is anger for this, then it turns into something else,

then it turns into something else. And that's, you know, right now I'm angry. I was angry because I thought, listen, man, in my mind, I was thinking about this at 430 in the morning. I just woke up last night. I was thinking about it's too petty. I was thinking about how the C in criminal for me, it was the same C in comedy. I've used the C in the word criminal and applied it to the C in my comedy career. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Like it's like the hustle that I had as a thief. Okay. I've applied it to the comedy thing, like my hustle. And it's, what was I talking about? But why are you a man? By your daughter and your wife? And it was, I know for a fact, like with me right now, I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at her right now for cutting my legs off.

20 years later, that's what my anger is. You know, I'm gonna tell you the truth. That's what it is. She cut my legs off. The mom, the mom, you know, when, when, when, when somebody came up to John Gotti and said, Hey, man, we have a rat. And they told me with Sam and the bull gavano, he always fucking knew it. This is the way his end was going to come. He knew it. Sam and the bull. No, Gotti, what killed him was it was Sammy, the bull who ratted on him out of all the different situations. When somebody close to you, cut your legs off. You know, somebody was reminding who killed Gotti. He died in jail. Somebody reminded me the other day about Dane Cook, that his brother robbed him. Some million dollars, whether it's a step

brother or a brother. Besides the money, after a while, you're not mad at the seven million. You're mad at the person who took it from you. How did this happen? Yeah. Why did this happen? So for years, you're mad at why this happened. Then you, then you get mad at how did this happen? You know, a league gave me a numbers to the fucking thing. So now should I be mad at fucking lead two for giving them the fucking, you know, I'm just saying. No, no. But do you think if you sat her down, your wife or like someone else didn't and like, why are you mad? Do you think she even know? Like it seems like it's at the point where you're just, you know, you're supposed to be angry. So I know she's probably very upset also.

I don't know. We come from two different fucking different planets. I don't know how her anger was. So much rage in there for like what? You don't even know each other anymore. It's been a lifetime since you talked to her. I'm still, I still don't know how I'd react if she came into a room and you sat us down. How you would react or how she would react? I'm going to be honest with you guys. Last night I was thinking about Tate. And I was thinking about when Dana White called Tate into the room and he said, I want you to fight again. And Tate said, no, how I felt. I felt a weird way. I love Tate. And you know, my man, Joe Rogan, I love Joe with all my heart, but he always talks about how

he quit fighting because he didn't want brain damage. You know, that's like bread. That's something Brad Pitt would say. All right. That's something Brad, that's something an actor would say. I shouldn't hear that from Joe Rogan. That's something an actor would say. You know, and for a long time I'm like, you know, what the fuck, Joe? You know, I had a shot to shoot Cat Vella and Steve Tidwell as dumb as the sound. I had a shot to shoot these two idiots because one lesson I learned early on is that dead men don't tell tales. I've always known this. And that day I made the mistake and kidnapped Vella with Tidwell. I knew the only way I was going to get out of this now is by shooting them both. And I remember going, you know, you knew

that? I knew that when I got into the argument that when they came back in the air, clear that Tidwell was going to rob me now that become a double whammy on me. I remember going to have a nine millimeter in the car. It was 130 in the afternoon, guys. It's like residential area, 130. I could muzzle the fucking gun and shoot both these fucking morons. Until this day, I thought about it for like eight minutes. I could go in there and just shoot these guys on the trunk of the car, took the gun out, went in my car, sat there, pulled the fucking thing back and I could shoot these guys and just drive away. And nobody will ever know I'll shoot them at six, seven feet distance. So the blood doesn't hit me. I'll go home, get rid of the

clothes up in the mountains. And that's it. I had this is how you think in two minutes. This is the decision you made. And something came over. I got this warm feeling. I got like this anxiety. I started to cry. And I felt really bad for the thoughts I had. When I tell you that story, you're like, Joe, that's a great fucking story. You know, Joe D's and I love you, but you sound like a fucking pussy. So for 20 years, I sounded like a pussy in my mind. I was like, you know, want to say what you didn't kill us guys? Because I didn't kill both of them because I reneged on that deal in my mind. And that's why I went to jail. And I'm not ashamed to say this. This is my thought mentality is, but you know what? I'm not a killer. No. And that's why I didn't kill him.

You know what? Joe Rogan is not a fighter. If not, he would have fought in the UFC. Tate's not a fighter. Tate's doing other things now. Tate's a business owner. Tate opened up a jiu-jitsu school in the gym. Tate councils people with mental health problems and with drug problems. You know, Joe Rogan, you know, if you don't do something and I hear for a year and then I, that came to this conclusion at five in the morning last night, that all this time I had been thinking like, Joe, that's a great fucking story. Tell that to some blonde chick. You know what I'm saying? Don't tell me that story because it depresses me. You can guess what? That's why that story happened. That's why I didn't kill Steven Tidwell.

Because you're not a killer. Because I'm not a killer. You know, I feel bad. Have you guys seen what they did to that dog? No. The guy stabbed him. The dog got a thousand stitches. And then they hit him in the head with a shovel and the dog lived. They stitched him up. Oh, thank God. And they're going to press charges on the guy tomorrow. The guy stabbed who? A dog. The guy stabbed the people out of nowhere. Now the guy's saying that the people attacked him. But the people at the health clinic, like, listen, that dog came in here half dead and he was licking us. That dog wouldn't attack himself. So you better rethink your fucking story. And on top, if he did attack you, you went and stabbed him with a shovel. Most people would stay in the house.

You came back with a shovel and hit him on the fucking head 10 times. You know, I can never do something like that. I try to kill him. I can never hit an animal. I can never shoot an animal with a gun to try to eat. I can never do any of these things. But that's the way whoever the higher powers put me on this fucking planet. That's the way it was figured out. You know, when I when I when I came to that conclusion today that I wasn't a pussy, I just wasn't a killer. I don't think you're a pussy at all. Show wasn't a pussy for not fighting. He just wasn't a fighter. And thank God he became one of the best comics working. He's a great fucking announcer. He's great with all that stuff. He's helped me dramatically. Tate's a great businessman.

Why did I stab the dog? Why would he stab a pit bull? Sometimes in life, you know, you think that you did something wrong. But it was your direction in the right way. You know, I just it's the fucking weirdest thing crazy to think about a 5am. Yeah. And I woke up and stayed awake after that. We go to bed. I started tweeting sucked my dick and fuck the Gentiles. So that you know, so I didn't have the guts to call her. Oh, that's where it wasn't about the guts. It was I don't know. I just didn't want the drama. I didn't want to face the music right now. I didn't want to. I don't even think I'm prepared to sit. I know what it is. I've done it too. Just pushed out a little bit. Yeah, you just push out sometimes. But maybe sometimes on the other side,

it's the right move. And I don't know that yet. The day I pushed out of shooting those guys, I didn't know that yet. When Joe Rogan decided he didn't want to fight no more. He didn't know that yet that this was the other side of that. So sometimes you don't know something. So that's the lesson I learned in Denver this fucking weekend. And I played out that stupid thing that for 20 years, I've been living like a pussy. I should have shot Vella. And I went ahead with chance and did well. But thank God I didn't. I did something with that energy. I'm here. You know those guys now? I always thought Tidwell was going to show up this weekend. I have a funny feeling that this weekend because I was in Denver. Oh, okay. Vella, I talked to him. I

apologize and we've been playing thumb tag for the last month. Really? Yeah. Sorry about the kidnap. Yeah. He's not doing too bad. Too good right now. He's back on the booze. His mother's sick. So that affects people the way it fucking went. What's that? What's that? Singing or something? Oh, I thought it was a coyote. What are you thinking? How you feeling guys? I'm pretty fucked up. You look beautiful. What are you thinking about the? I don't know. I have subway sandwich. No, I have a translation from her mom's birthday. How many let's us How big is the piece? It's like that big. It's normal piece. How many calories you got? Tracele just has to have a thousand. How many you got left? How many points? Like 700.

Can it go over? No, I don't know how the cake went. I'm trying not to. But I was thinking about something we talked about on Thursday. What we thought? You got mad at me because I was stuck at a plateau when I went to the gym two times in a day. That's quick. What was the cake? Tracele, it's so good. No, what was this cake? Oh, death. It's like, I don't know. It's like chocolate. But anyways, you got mad at me and you're like, you're gonna burn out. And I was thinking about like the reason I think I get so interested in your drug stories is because I know I'm an addict. I mean, I have that every one of my family is addicted to something. I know every time I gamble, I love it.

And like, it sounds... Why don't you take a fight to the mouth? Why don't you love that? Because I'd be addicted to that. Why don't you take a fight to the mouth? Are we ready for another brownie? No, but I was like... You can't work on one life. Yes, you can. Let's break the devil open. Let's try the devil. No, I got another devil. I got a white devil. What's the white devil? This is the black devil? That's the black devil. Oh, it's got blood eyes. Oh, yeah, look at the white devil. Oh, I say, which one we're gonna eat? You see, this isn't even my idea. Yes, it is. He's our guest, Lee. I think the black devil. I had three quarters of one. I'm fine. That's it. You got to taste the black devil with gingerbread. Wait, what time do we eat that? Is it still coming?

Oh, God, yeah. Well, you probably have a better metabolism than I do, so who knows, but I think so. And now you do have an addictive personality. And I think, like, I get addicted to the numbers going, but I realized, like, yeah, like, it was bad. Like, I felt bad that I was there for a second time that day. And it just, it's, it's a weird thing when you're losing weight. I'm sure you don't, like, you love seeing the numbers go down. So you start doing stupid shit doing. Are you going too far? Then you, then you crack your leg open or then you're like, you were like, I can't do it today and you don't do it at all. It's the law of diminishing returns. And he has to jump on something else. He's got to take a, read a book, so take a,

take a weight lifting. He's been on that thing for three fucking months now. So what, he's losing 55 pounds? He's losing 55 pounds, but somewhere along the line, he's going to fail a plateau. He's saying just do a different kind of exercise. Oh, right. What exercise do you do now? Just the What's the up elliptical? The fucking thing running? Yeah. Just cardio, all cardio. That's all of it. And you know what, man? I think I'm just scared of weightlifting. I bought a thing to learn how to do. What do you do? You watch, you watch TV while you cardio? Yeah, I bring my iPad. Change the game when you can watch a fucking movie right there. You lose yourself in it. You get high. No, I got high once. What's he doing? That's how you can go a long time, Joey. You're

responsible for teaching him though. No, this guy reflects badly on you when he asked this way. This fucking guy, it took me a year to get him just a 24 hour fitness. Right. Right. He's going to call this guy. This guy didn't answer the phone. He went to the park. The guy wasn't there. The guy quit. It was a nightmare. I hated it. He hates it. He hates that shit. So I've been telling him to do something different because what is he going to do when you, what are you going to do when you lose the weight? That's it. You're never going to go back. So you're going to walk. He'll fucking you're a thousand skiing because you're going to have to find something that you enjoy. Like you have to join a basketball league where they practice twice a week and they

play two games. Go join comedians basketball. You run. So you have to do something. This weight isn't going to just tell you what you're going to do once you lose the 100. Oh, oh, crime fight. Nighttime crime fight. You see back to the community. You see Jonah Hill. Oh, of course you get in the way. All the way. All of it. Everyone. It's, it happens to everyone who loses. They don't. But not all of it. I didn't lose. I kept off the 400. No, that's pretty odd. That's odd. What are you at now? What are you at now? 309. 304. And what'd you get down to for the first time? 270. Wow. That's not bad. No, that's not bad. I'm dickering on 300. This Denver thing killed me last week. I've been dickering. But you must have had like a point.

Like when you got down to 270 and started going back up, what point made you stop that again? Because that's because he went past where I think you know what I was like 280 and then we got down to 270. He's like, Oh, I got room to give. Do you know how it started going up? What? I was doing what he's doing. What? All or nothing. I was walking. Once you give up that walking. Oh, yeah. When I first moved to North Hollywood, I would walk Terry to the train. Yeah. And then I would walk all the way to Riverside, all the way back up to hunger, all the way back up to my house. I would leave the house at eight. I wouldn't get back to a 930. Then I would not eat or eat then I would go to the gym. So this is why I'm very happy about one thing. Over the knee surgery,

I lost weight because I signed up to the thing he told me my fitness plan. Now, well, you don't have to do no more. Don't add your exercise in there. Well, yeah, that was a mistake I made early. Don't add it. Don't add. You eat the calories. You eat the calories. Don't even think. So you can't do that. Just go straight. Because you're like, Oh, I can, I can make this up. Just go straight. Right now they give me 15 90 a day. And today I did 700 on the elliptical. So you get those back. You could 2200. No, you could. So if he ate the 1590, didn't think about the 700. Yeah, he lose. Well, that's what I'm doing now. 22,000. That's what happened. I don't want I became too dependent

on that walk on the walking. Yeah, the working out and the kickboxing. Because then your habits don't change too. Because your habits, you keep eating. So then you've got the walking out, you don't change. You keep eating the same amount and it goes back up. Oh my god. I used to go to nine. There's an eight o'clock kickboxing class right down the block there. Yeah, at that place. It's tremendous from eight to 930. By fucking 11 o'clock. Yeah, my stomach would eat itself from the inside out. Really hear the stomach open up. Try to eat like my lung. Like that's how hungry I was and Lee, I was not hungry for, you know, five almonds. It was like I had a hunger for a steak and a baked potato and a salad and a milkshake.

And it was fucking overwhelming. Like it was just like, I can't do that. And I would do what you do. I eat a sandwich, lay down and go, I can't do that. I get up, eat another sandwich. That's my problem with the edibles right now. I have a bag of fuck. But I'll go to bed. Like I'll want to bed him. But then like after an hour, I'm like, fuck it. I gotta eat something. And then it's like a downhill. What I'll do is not stop. Yeah. And you go crazy. You know, you can't just have three chips and then put the bag away because it gets better. So you taste it. Oh, yeah. This is a good idea. This is so kind. Something sweet to knock this down would be good. And then you have that like, well, better cancel it out with some chips. This is so kind.

When I used to eat the cook. What's so kind? That's the label brand. So kind. So kind. I like the fucking presentation. That's the devil. We're going to eat that before we leave. Oh my gosh. When I would eat the whole cookie, when I got home at night, it was it was overwhelming. Like I would eat and then something. And you know what else makes me hungry? Well, I'm metal. Moving metal. Moving metal. Don't think when you move metal, when you move kettlebells, or any type of weight makes you hungry. That's a complete different metal. I didn't know that either. That's why when you leave there, you have to drink a protein protein. Protein. You need protein right then. As soon as you get out of there. Bam. Because if not, you're fucking star.

Like that lift away for the first time. I want to know Mike John Evans and lift at his house. Really tremendous setup guys. He's got these new weights that 3045 pounds. They don't feel 45 pounds. They're rubber on the outside. But oh my god, fucking tremendous. What do they feel more or less? They felt this. They on top of you, they feel like 45 pound plates. But when you when you pick them up to carry them, they're like amazing. The the bar feels light. It's just amazing what they've done. They've done great shit with fucking everything, you know. So what's been going on with you cocksucker? You went to Denmark too. They had excellent weed. I didn't even talk. Yeah. They have some of the best weed I've ever had.

Denmark has amazing weed. Where do they get it from? They have a lawless area in the middle of Copenhagen. No, just like do they grow it over there? They grow it. Wow. All sorts. I even said, I mean, I'm like, you have sativas, you have endocrine, those are here, these are there. I mean, they have selection that you don't get fucking anywhere. It's a legit quality hash. Oh, I don't like hash. You don't have to buy it then. That's true. They got two rules there. No taking pictures and no running. Is it like a black market? Yeah. It's a green, green, the green light district. That's what they call it. How come you can't run? It freaks everybody out. So you can't run? Yeah, we don't like to run. Put that away. It's

this fucking, it's this, it's this, the army left and they left all these barracks up and squatters moved in and they started fucking doing their own shit. Oh my God, you just hate the devil's brain. I'm going to eat the eyeball. I want the eyeball. Not really. Delicious, Lee. No, it's not. Delicious. Taste it. Somebody wrote to me that he's not coming to see me and Dayton because I chew on microphone. I podcast. It's disgusting and I will not stand for it. It's a weird stance to take. There is a weird stance, especially when I'm not doing it. It's like, well, I'll be doing it now, I'll be doing comedy. Lee, pop that in your mouth. I already did. That's delicious too. White chocolate and nutritious. Delicious and nutritious. Jesus, Joey. I was talking about weight loss. He's

fucking, it's hard for me. The sugar is hard for me. Really? It's giving up the sugar. Well, do you work out? Because you talk about eating a lot of candy. I eat a lot of candy. But then I'll get high and I'll forget to go eat. Like I'll be hungry at like one. I'll be hungry at one and then I won't go to eat till five, six. I keep like procrastinating. Like, oh, let me check my Facebook one more time. Well, do you think New York's helped with it? Because all that walking. I walk around a lot. I walk around a lot. That makes a big difference. It's non-stop. I took the train here for like the first time. It like a really, I like it a lot. I've been taking the train. Clean as shit here too. It's clean. Like, I think what's fucked up about LA is no one really talks

to each other. On the train, I had a stupid conversation with somebody. Nobody talks to them in New York either. Well, they talk a little, but you're human interaction. Sure, my armpit on your jacket. Yeah. And then you have the fucking assholes in LA who walk on the street, walk when there's no walk signal and they get mad at you if you're like Bebe and Adam or something. That's the worst. And I don't think you see that much in New York. No, in New York, it's every man for himself. They don't know. Everyone from themselves, but they'll run across the street. They won't be. No, I'm saying, yeah, it's like you just go whenever you want. Oh, these fucking people, they'll walk across the street when they got nowhere to be.

Oh, casually. And the younger they are, the slower they are. That's how they show their freedom. I wanted them with the fucking cock. They fucking pissed me off when I was a kid. I ran across Broadway, bitch. Yeah. 10 times a fucking date. Say sorry. Hold your hand up. Like, thank you. At least do the fake jog. Get a pep in your step. Yeah, the walk, the walk with your, with your arms bent. Yeah. That's all I'm asking for. Still the same distance, but like we're going. No, it's, uh, there's a big fucking deal. You like the train? Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, we couldn't go everywhere though. That's true. It goes downtown. It goes downtown, but from where? From up here.

And it goes to Pasadena. Yeah, but not all the way to the ice house though. I've asked. You can get to San Diego too from right near your place. You're going to walk and then get, I don't know where it gets off in San Diego, but that's how you used to do it. You take a train with the American County company right from there. That'd be fun. Really? But I saw a guy that made me think of you on the train. What happened? This Mexican family and this girl was pissed off. I was like, when all five year olds get really moody and stuff. And this dad, like you ever have misconceptions? Like this guy had tattoos and like, I was like, he was going to be a mean dad.

They got on the train. That girl was climbing all over him. He was being like, it was really sweet. I just thought of you. Like people might look at you and be like, oh, he's going to, he won't be a great dad. And then I see you with mercy and like you're counting and like, you're saying, you're talking like yourself, but you're like, let's watch Peppa Pig. Like, how do you like that? It'll just some weird stuff. And it just made me think of you. I love seeing you and your daughter. Let's watch Peppa Pig. I have a good time. She sees digs it too. She digs the warmth. We got over there. Is that a pen over there? Yeah. No, no, I'm all right. Well, I need a

fucking pen for one of my poor Revere. Revere. I don't make poor Revere use pens. I don't think so either. No, he just wrote the horse. Who gives a fuck? Maybe he had a sign from him up. You love him. Maybe he had a sign from him. They just gave him the horse at the bank. Oh shit. What does that mean? It's Monday. A little Tony Bennett. A little inspiration. Lee, what are we going to do about these Palestinians? What are we going to do about these Palestinians? You know what somebody pointed out to me about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict? What? You know who's fault it is? And I was like, come on, you can't lead with who's fault it is. And they go, she goes, men, it's never any women

there. It's all the men. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Well, did you see that the British government voted to vote to recognize Palestinians like a country today? Nice. What does that do? This is a terrible conversation I have. Why are you even going to bring it up? I didn't bring it up. So excited about your special. It's two weeks away. Two weeks away. Two weeks and two days. How much material? 50 minutes? No. 70, 75. Oh, it's an hour long. Yeah. Well, they put it out the whole 75 if you like it. Online, online. That's cool. Yeah. And on the TV, it'll be 44. But online, yeah, the whole thing will be the whole thing. That's fucked up that they got to take 30 minutes away.

Fucking, you got to sell Snickers, man. How else is Snickers going to get eaten? Do you think like what it could like, let's say, I know you can't afford it, but let's say a comic could afford buying all the ad time on Comedy Central. Do you think they would just run it straight? If they get, oh yeah, absolutely. That'd be really cool. Absolutely, they would do that. Yeah, absolutely. That'd be fun if someone did that. I wonder how much ad time would cost at fucking 11 p.m. whenever they put these specials on. Yours is going to be an R rated one. I mean, that'd not give me any notes, I'm assuming. I don't know. It's not like I'm a clean comic. You're not going to go up at eight o'clock. No, no, no, no way. Probably not. Aren't

they on like 11 o'clock? But why not? Why not put me at fucking 8 p.m. on a Sunday? Why not that? That's like the biggest kids' time ever. Fucking, yeah. Let them see what I'm telling them. Now, when they, when you're 13, you're a grown man. I can put on Cat Williams on a special, like at 12. He curses, no, he curses, but they still beep. So I think they beep N words, but like last night they had Team America World Police on and they didn't bleep any of that. Sometimes they have late night stuff where they don't bleep anything. I think they're always allowed to not bleep stuff, but then it's just like sponsors. Oh, yeah. Cable companies are not under FCC. It's only like CBS and Fox. Cable companies are just like, we don't, we want.

But then FX, what FX does is like, okay, we're going to say shit and then the sponsors aren't going to leave. We're still going to get sponsors. I wish they would all do that. Just be like, well, this is our new thing now. We're going to get better viewers because we're the person. They curse. Do they? Yeah, they say, they don't say fuck. Remember the old shows they used to go like, stop there, fuzzball. They'd have to like get around it. But it sounded so fake. I love when they do it for movies now. You're watching like on TBS. Yeah. The Redubs. Yeah. Like, fuck you, man. When I did Maron, you can't say certain words. Maron? Yeah, but you can't say certain words. So I remember that them saying you can't say suck

a fuck. You can't say suck. Something crazy you couldn't say, but you know what, they work in a half way with you. No, to me, it's like, get out of here. What are you talking about? Shut up. Get out of here. Get out of here. We're talking like regular people. But we don't want to do that because getting my way, that's the whole reason why these are successful. And that's why some podcasts aren't because when some podcasts try to be like PC or just like produce show, just even produced, like they fail. We're going to lose sponsors. Fuck that shit. How do you feel? Do you have, is this old material? I'm ready to go. I've been ready for seven months. Are you serious? I've been ready for seven months. You've been holding this material. They've been like, wait,

wait, we've got to figure out if Comedy Central is going to do it. I'm like, come on. And then they're like, all right, we're going to do it. And they talk when, and then it goes longer and longer. And I'm ready. I was ready to do a CD in fucking December last year. Yeah. That's the worst when you have all that material. I'm like, let's go. And they're like, just don't. I'm like, let me just record it. Then you can figure it out later. I almost just record it and said, I'll give you a month to ask them. But they're doing amazing when you're ready to go. Yeah. When you're really ready to go and you know the material back, but the material always grows. Yeah. Yeah. The material grows. The more you say it, you find little little points,

but then sometimes it sort of stops growing. And you get sick of saying it. Yeah. And then I lost a couple of stories to the storyteller show that I was going to do in the hour. So then I was like, okay, that reprises me. I can do another 10 minutes of material or something, you know, replace it with Yeah, I'm just, first of all, you did in Denmark. How many sets did you do that? Four sets, short sets. You and Bob Kelly. Nope. And a Finnish comic, an Iceland comic, excuse me, and a Denmark comic and a South African comic in English. Yeah. All in English. It's pretty interesting. Icelandic comic doing comedy five years. Comedy is a new thing in Iceland. And he's the number like top five comic in Iceland. Just dominating a country of 350,000 people. Pablo

Francisco. I think that was the first Iceland. Iceland. Finland, I think. Finland. Yeah. But all that Scandinavian countries, man, that they all, they're all different, but they're all, there's some funny people. I saw a guy from Norway and London and that was funny. How was London for comedy? London was pretty cool. They take you to the middle of Lester Square. Okay. It's got Chris Quayle. Got me some spots out there. He took me to the middle of Lester Square, which was Times Square, and he just started turning my body around. He started to be pointed to a building. It goes there. They do comedy there six days a week. Turned me a little more. That building there. They do comedy there five days a week. That building there seven days

a week. Right there. That's the comedy store. Seven days a week. Look at that one. We saw eight places without taking the step, just all around. And there's fucking comedy shows every night. All over London. They pay you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got in late, so it was like trying to get in, but it was like at least 100 pounds for like the pay gigs, which is like $150, $180. For in town fucking, you know, 20 minute sets. If you wanted to, I can see it. If you want to, you can fucking run around, do spot, spot, spot, like every night, spot, spot, spot. How long were you there for? I was there for eight days, first two days. I didn't do anything, and then I did eight spots. And I saw my cousin. I hadn't seen 15 years. My German side of the

family. The mom. You have a German side of the family? Yeah. Yeah. My little, my dad's little sister moved to Germany. She married a guy. I moved to Berlin. I asked her because I saw her as an adult for the first time. I hadn't seen her in like 15 years since like my older sister's wedding. And I was like, Hey, was it weird moving to Germany? I mean, being, you know, from your whole family's survivors, she was too. She was probably too young to remember it, but like, she was a survivor. And I was like, was that weird? And she goes, no, no. And then her son was like, what are you talking about? You said you had nightmares of the Nazis were coming to get you. And she's like, Oh yeah, yeah, that's right. She moved the start of their life and they were

at a great life. Simon, Simon, he's, he's gone now. He passed away like a few months ago. But so then your arms living in, uh, in London, I hung out with him a little bit. It's back something up here. Well, yeah. So how many people exactly went in the holocaust? Six million Jews. And how many people survived? The rest. We have a number. Well, no, I mean, we're not counting the ones that were living in America. We're talking about that. We're there. They were affected by it. And I don't know how many holocaust survivors were there. You looking that up? It's a great fucking question. I'm just curious because I can't. There's almost none left.

I can't imagine, you know, you think of your life and you sometimes you put yourself in somebody's shoes. I was watching that girl Malala last week to her speech. She won the uh, some award. I forget. I'm sorry people. I'm just high right now. But I watched and after four minutes while she was talking, I was sitting and I put myself in her place like getting shot in the fucking head and Malala. Yeah. See some Indian girl and then she got shot. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Nobel Peace Prize. Nobel Peace Prize. I'm sorry people. I just can't remember right now. It's been a long day. Yeah. And sometimes I do that. I go, I wonder what that person went through. Let me sit for five minutes and just be them.

I can never even imagine a holocaust survivor. I can never be, I can never imagine Fidel Castro walking into my home and saying, you gotta get the fuck out of here. You know, I asked a couple survivors, they met in the holocaust and they started life together. But I was like, what? And they're telling me about the horrible stuff that was happening to them. And I was like, what? What was going through your head of like, like doing it or not? Like, did you know what it all was? Or did you not want to go on? Or he was just like, I don't know, you just keep going. You just, this is a new reality. You weren't like, this is an injustice. You're just like, here's how we live now. But there's going to jail.

Okay. I get going to jail. Oh yeah. That's, this is different. I get, I get going to jail. I don't get going to jail and not knowing if I'm going to die or get tortured. Right. That's the feeling. Starved to death. I can't imagine. Starved to death. And they're doing this to people like China and North Korea now, like this same stuff. They massacre people every day in Africa, you know, diamonds or whatever the fuck they do. And you sit there and you go, how can I, you know, how can I justify this? You know, look at it to the Armenians. I was watching a very interesting interview the other day. As much as I may not like them, he took me to some places and I called the both of yous and both of yous didn't answer. Bob, whatever had on

Bob cost his head. Gene Simmons. Oh, really? No, you told me about him. You told me about the Holocaust and he took his mother back. And Gene Simmons did. His mother was a Holocaust survivor, raised him by himself. He found his father later on. He bought his father a house, but he never talked to his father again. Just some, he goes, it all hit me when he went to Israel. Yeah. Because he remembered being a little boy in Israel, how there was no electricity at night. You know, that's it. Once it got dark, it gets dark. It was just interesting. Shit. And I sat there going, I can't even imagine going, but I could also imagine surviving the Holocaust and just being a bad motherfucker after that. You know how many of them, there was some story on how shockingly

high percentage of them lived to a hundred, the Holocaust survivors. Think about it. Yeah, they're all like nineties or something. Yeah, there's so many that have hit the three digits. Think about it. There's a way more than the other average. Well, they have to have been a strong people to make it through that Holocaust cause I mean, Jesus Christ. I think it shows the value of a diet, low in trans fats. You know, you have, you have what they did to the Armenians, wiped out the Armenians, Turks, don't fuck with the Turks. And are they still at war? You bring that up to any Armenian over 50 years old and they'll spit. The Armenians hate the Turks. They hate the Turks. The younger generation doesn't care as much, but like the old ones do.

Is there a country right now? But actually, if you say triple, you want, he'll get a little bit like, is there a country Armenia? Yeah, I think so, right? I don't know. Lee, your college educated, I'm a fucking moron. I know there used to be, but is that how it goes? You think Turkey wiped them out? You think Turkey finished the job? Let's see. No, it's gotta be in Armenia. I bet Armenia. I bet there's Armenia. Oh, no, it's there. It's Armenia. I saw the pictures. It's beautiful. Really? Beautiful country, beautiful country. Because I learned about this in Israel. I thought they said it was gone. Mountains. No, wait, it's like, color in red. Let me look at it. Hold on.

You know, Felipe is buddy Silent Bob Rodrigo Torres on Twitter. He told me one night when I was high. He told me the whole thing. It just freaked me out. About what? The whole Armenian, it's not a holocaust. It's genocide. Yeah, they try to kill them all. Fucking amazing. And every day that happens in Africa somewhere, they try to wipe out the try something, wipe them out, they go door to door. Do you ever see Hotel Rwanda? They were going like, Oh, these people, we got to kill these people. Oh, those people are animals. I don't know how you can live like that. God bless their fucking souls, whatever they are. What's up, Lee? Look at you. You're looking good. You got your little blue shirt. Oh, this is super high me. This is

Lee's favorite little jammy jam, jam, jam. Rogan was laughing about how high you got. These edibles don't mess around. Show me your hand, cocksucker. Let me see your hands. So you put the chocolate away. He'll palm it. I've done it a couple of times because it's just so much, especially at the ice house. He'll give me one and then another. That's the only time I ever had this, had this say, I can't drive right now. I gotta, I gotta. And you got mad at me for driving. I had to go to work. I was like, you crazy? Yeah. I was, I mean, I was like, nah, I was way, I went to Bartonix for a while for a few hours. I can't, I can't do this right now. What is the vision that you want your special to be? What I wanted to, to, I want you to have a

little bit of the experience of what it's like to sit in a show at the comedy store. Once you get it, I want to get as close as that as possible. What room are you doing it in? The original room. Okay. Because I've already said, I thought Gerard's special was pretty good. I didn't like how they had the names in color. I thought too, I was distracting. Same thing I said. Yeah, still in focus. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think I'll let you turn them off. Oh yeah, they are. Okay. No, no, absolutely. No, I talked to them. It's like, listen, how are we going to do this? It's got to be dark. I'm like, well, then it's too dark. It won't look good. I'm like, well, then what's the, what's the fix? Because we're not lighting it

up. So how are we going to do it? They say that they, you can't get any depth. Here's the thing with these people. And that means everybody, when they tell you something can't be done, it means it's going to be a little harder and you're going to have to put your mind to it. It doesn't mean it can't be done. You have to tell me why it can't be done. And I'll say, no, let's try to find a fix for that. I'll talk to everybody about like, give me the reasons, give me the reasons. And there's guys, there's young guys all over the guy who did the first, this guy, Steve, it was the first year of my, this is not happening stuff. And he was able to light it as dark as I've ever seen and still make it look good. And I'm like, what are you doing

right? How are you able to do this? And everybody else says, turn the lights up. New people have new ways of doing it. So you just got to find a new way to do it. So they say, if the, since it's so black in there, it'll look like the wall just drops out behind you and it'll just look like, and let's just look shitty because of that. I'm like, well, what are the options then? So what they thought, what, what Spike Lee thought is turn the lights on. And that way it'll, you can see where the edges of the, of the room are. So that doesn't matter, though. Like the whole point of watching comedy is to like, get and grow. It doesn't matter where they are. You need to know the space you're in. Really? Yeah, a little bit. But then I say too,

it's like, well, let me see what it looks like when you don't see that. And let me tell you if like, if I can go like, no, actually, that's fine. We can do that. Well, with the cameras, they have, they want gyps, they want gyps, they want something to come across. And I was at Hannibal's taping in Chicago and they have this giant crane that comes across the top of the audience and they're like, no, it gets a good shot. But 30% of the audience is looking up this fucking crane over them. Well, this guy's telling a joke. He's telling a setup and they're looking up at this fucking crane. You got to have the experience of real comedy. You got to mimic that experience of real comedy. And here's my thought. If you get a comic, it was just a real

comedy experience because every taping I've been to, we did a Nazi show in Montreal once, we did 14 shows, they were all great. Then they did a taping on the 15th show, maybe it was on the 12th show, and they put candles on the table, they lit it up a little more, and everyone did weird. And we didn't give a shit about taping Canadian television show. None of us cared. None of us were nervous. It was just everyone was doing worse because they lit it up, they changed the room. If you show a comic who's really just killing, just like killing, you know, when the ice house is packed and you're fucking just killing there. Like if you show that, I don't care if you lose a couple of shots here or there. That, that, what that looked,

you're going to get out of that comic space is going to be priceless. And they always want their shots clean, but they miss that, that joy that when you're fucking in the zone and killing. So let's tape that for once. Let's tape that. Well, they've gotten away. What's happened is this, the same thing's happened. Look, there's no live fucking albums no more. There's nobody who tours beside these old guys that know how to tour anymore for people who want to listen to music. Everybody's bringing an organ out on stage. Arcade fire tours. You know what? Arcade fire tours, they put on a show fucking Beyonce and whatever on stage. It's a fucking record player and people paying the $2,000. I got nothing against them, but it's not a live show anymore. The live show

has gone away and the live taping has gone away because everybody tries to outdo everybody. Comedy between you and I is not a directable thing. We've never been directed. Why is there a director here to tell me what, to tell me what? I'd rather have a guy that's a bad comic direct me because he could have, like John Evans said, the Phil Jackson syndrome. I'd rather have one of my buddies come out and go, dog, step up to here. I can't see you. Move up a little bit. But so this director that comes in has ruined everything because he's tried to be better than the other guy. And with comedy, there's only one thing that matters and it's here. Yeah. Just get the shot of the comic. That's it. Nothing else matters. That audience laughing,

that the fucking lights. The shot of the comic, the audience member laughing. So I'm like, okay, whatever it is. Nobody wants to see another person show the comic. Is that fucking crazy, you guy? That's the special. Who, the Carlin guy? No, the other guy. The guy who got arrested for saying fuck fuck. Oh, that's always been special. That black and white thing with the suit on. Yeah, dig with that one thing from six. That's it. That's it. And watch it. It's a camera on him. He doesn't have to smoke a joint with nobody. He doesn't have to, you know, show his buddies. He doesn't have to. I like Cat Williams smoking a joint with Snoop Dogg. There's certain things you do. I don't want to see a sketch. Right. Well, Cat Williams had like an hour-long movie in front

of his last one or two ago. You know, I don't want to see a sketch in front of your thing. I don't want to see you walking through it. No one's going to remember that part. It might look cool, but no one's going to really remember that part. Harvey was in deep thought. No, he wasn't. I was thinking of a piece of ass. That's what I'm talking about. You're going to wait a minute and 20 seconds of your special. You should fuck without a condom. That's what he's thinking about. You know, grab a piece of that on the walk, but that's all I want to see. So, but every ego, every guy with a feather that's come in thinks he's doing it better. Listen, I don't know nothing. I know what this fucking Momo tells me. Yeah. And this Momo will come in here and go, what do you think of this guy?

I'm like, well, I don't know. He'll go, I've seen him 10 times. He's fucking amazing. And I've seen this Comedy Central special. It sucked. I've seen his HBO special. It sucked. It's all tape. It's all tape things. It's, it's, it's not all tape things. Not all because I've laughed at I do dice. I've laughed at, uh, Eddie Murphy took me for a fucking swat. But here's what those guys though were theater acts and they were recorded in a theater. I think they fit the thing they were recording. Well, I don't think Eddie Murphy was a theater act when he shot that. You know, I know dice was just busting out when he did the one in Philly, you know, uh, where did dice do that one? Philly. What kind of place? I think it was a club, like a little theater. We

have to check the one in 91 maybe, but it's, uh, you know, he was huge on the East coast. Yeah. Already. The, the specials that I see now, and it's right. And I try to watch, you know, the camera. That's not what comedy is on a day to day level. Is Rick Mills still doing them? I hope not. Fucking the hell. I remember that as a kid, everyone, everyone was the same. So they just got to a point where they're like, okay, this shot here, this shot here. It wasn't even a thing. And it's like what I was talking about earlier, the reason why they have a director at a comedy central, at a comedy taping is because they have a director for every other show and every, every production company follows the same, you know, have this, have this many producers.

The reason they should have a director, the reason they should have a director is to tell the rest of the crew to shut the fuck up, to make sure they handle themselves right and to record, to make sure they get the shots and to make sure they say, Hey, I know this joke. He's got to act outcoming. Make sure to like pull back so we don't miss it. Things like that. That's all you're supposed to be doing. I'm not gonna forget what those fucking thieves. What's the company? Those fucking thieves that approached me. Oh, the one in Burbank? What's those thieves? Those fucking jerks. Yeah. And I remember, oh, well, who's directing? Oh, we have a tremendous director. Our guy, we came out this fucking jerk off and I said to him, this is how I knew I wasn't shooting.

Right there. I go, Hey, it's Thursday. It's, it's Wednesday. Okay. What are you doing Friday and Saturday? You know, right away, he started reaching. I'm at the ice house. This is how this is when somebody of interest goes. I'll be there. Yeah, of course. That's it. Yeah. They just sit there and do the zeroest possible. I'm really excited. Let me go. Let me go to the ice house, watch this guy, take a meeting with him, go at the comedy store, watch him do a 20 minute set. That's what the guy would do. Go to Long Beach. Then he's going to go to the comedy store and see how you interact with the people in the back. That's what a good director is going to do for comedy. You don't need to be a director. You don't even need to go to Emerson College. You don't

need to go to USC. You don't need to go to Pepperdine and walk around with a fucking pigeon and tell stories about Europe. Nothing. This is what a director does. He goes to see you five times minimum. A good guy, 10 times. He wants to see you bomb. He wants to see your reactions to bomb me. He wants to see everything. That's what a good director is going to do. He's going to go, we're going to shoot this special in January. It's October. What is it today? 13th. We're going to shoot this in February. This is what we're doing. The whole month of October and December, I'll shadow you three nights a week. Give you notes on fucking Sunday. Not even notes. I'll make my own notes. I know what I want. And after a month, it'll know you and then he's

going to hang out with you. He's going to go eat with you and he's going to see everything because he's going to see you. Your mannerisms, your patois, you know, do you get angry? All this shit what pushes you. So he's going to know right then and then how to direct this special. That's a real director. He doesn't even have to have the title director. If I was ever blessed to get a special, I'd use a good friend and watch a comic and I'd watch how he prepares himself to go on stage with the fucking microphones and the whole thing. And that's the guy I want. The guy that's meticulous. I want the guy that I'm not. I want the guy to go Joey. Ah, the other night you killed and you said the word what. Tonight you said fuck. You got to say what. I didn't even know what the

fuck you were talking about. I heard the recordings. That's the guy I want. Yeah, that's the guy you got. Do you ever think of how much better? And I still think it's pretty good. But where you got where I got my balls from, I only know you like a year. Like I feel like if we did that now that would be totally different. What the documentary? Yeah, I didn't even know you a year. You were taking these fucking shots from that. They taught them in school. I'm like, bitch. Really? Stop. Well, that's what happens with everyone. Production companies, because they teach you in school. It's the same shit. And then it becomes the same. Same shit. It's the same shit. And me, I want to be completely different. You know what? Do this shot. Do this shot. You know Maria

Banford, their special in front of their parents and their apartment. They sold a lot. Yeah. It's great. Well, and I love specials, but that's kind of one of the reasons I love CDs. I almost laugh more at CDs and sometimes a video. You can put yourself there in a car. You can really, yeah, you can hear the crowd. You can really hear the crowd. Yeah. You know, you're really there. You hear their little crinkly of glasses. I lock on to like one specific audience member, like a weird laugh throughout the entire show. All the old Red Fox albums had the fucking, I'm assuming, gigantic black ladies that were sitting up front. They're like, whoa. No. That's it. That was great. Yeah, that's it. They were just laughing super loud.

But everything is like that. They do that with everything. With everything now. If Ari takes the script to NBC tomorrow and hits a brilliant script, they'll go homogenize it. That was great, but where's the love interest? I don't have a love interest. I don't want to fuck them. Oh, no, no, no, no. We have to go back to the love interest. That person's worked in the past. Doesn't mean it will continue working forever. Stuff changes. Stuff changes. I watched a very interesting movie. Alphabet City used to be tough. Hell's Kitchen used to be tough. Now lawyers live in Hell's Kitchen. I watched an interesting movie yesterday. What's the movie with Bruce Willis and Damon Waynes? I don't know. Oh, Last Boy Scout.

Do you see that? Yeah. When he shot the guy in the head right in the beginning. In the beginning. When was the last time you saw that movie? It's been since I was in high school. 20 years. Yeah. It's amazing. I used to watch it when I was broke and coked up. My friend would come get me and he'd say, my wife made, she was Chinese. He was white and his wife would make tremendous Chinese food. Really? He was coked up. They knew I was broke and she would come. He would come get me, take me to the house. They would leave me in the house and go, stay here. We're going to cook for you. They'd stay there for two days and let's watch. The last boys got over and over and dream of like being an extra in that movie.

Anyway, the movie was on last night. It's a Shane Black movie. It was Shane Black wrote, lead the weapon. If you watch these two movies, I'm watching the last night. I'm like, this is still entertaining movie. Damon Wayne's acting was probably some of the best, some of the worst acting you ever see in all your life. Holly Berry had the old nose, the Michael Jackson nose where she did the surgery. Eddie Griffin was great. Is that the one where he fucking, where he head butted the guy in the nose and killed him? Bruce Willis, where he said, touch me again. I'll kill you. Yeah. Touch me again. I'll kill you. That was the guy from Sun's Anarchy. Oh, really? And the comic is in the movie. He's like an alternative comic. He was

also important. He's the bad guy in there. Rick Dukeman's in the movie. I saw a lot of fucking people in that movie last night. Who was the comic and last boy scout in the last boy scout? I am DB. There's a comic that's big time. He's still around. He's old now. It looks like he's got the hiv. I am DB. I just saw him the other day on TMC. Really? Yeah. He's a Spanish guy. Name me. Is his name Milo? Yes. What? Mother what? It's an unknown. Hold on. I'll find it. He's also an easy money. He's a Spanish guy. Okay. He's from that comedian. Yeah. He's I see them at the store, but he was always up. Taylor Negron. Taylor Negron. He was in that. Taylor Negron. He was in a lot of stuff. Taylor Negron worked. He was in fucking fast times. Who ordered the pizza? Wasn't that

Taylor Negron? Yeah. Taylor Negron was in a couple of things. He was great and easy money. He played Rodney's son-in-law and Rodney won't shake his hand and shit. He's Spanish. He's tremendous. He's great. Let me give him some shout outs here real quick. Frutti Marshmuller Chris. Yes. Jake Gomez, who loves you, cocksucker. Johnny Do. Tommy G. Richard and Juan. You fucking it's like a team of Dick, Scotty Breda, Ricky Noem, Bedoine, Aaron Heath and Jeff Taubberg. I love you, cocksuckers. Who are these people? These are people that listen to the podcast that they're legit savages. Yeah. I would love if someone would find your podcast notebook and just read through it. These notes, you know, things you want to talk about. Have your sonica on it. Why wouldn't I come

here a little prepared? If I come here, I might get high. That's right. That's smart. Who said another by the fucking devil? Who said? Where is it? Where to go? It's in the desk. Oh, yeah. Look at this weed I got. This is what my man gave me. This is beautiful in Colorado. Can I get a little bit? Yeah, you can take this with you. This is the chem dog. Oh, really? Yeah, take this with you. I brought this for you. I know. I'll give it to you. Show them the joint. Lots of death. I'm going to smoke this afterward, Lee. I'm going to smoke the whole fucking thing. To the bone. I'm going to smoke it right there, right there. The filter is the size of your head. Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. Today, you know, when I, when I, we're doing the podcast over, Lee's,

Lee's, Lee had a roommate that lived with him for a while. Real cute girl. Just a fucking dynamite body. You could, you know, just brought you back to being 22. Like when you look to the girl, you're like, oh, that girl's got a body to fuck. Yeah. And you took a home and fucked all afternoon. And you saw her at the bar at night. They giggled and shit. You're like, this fucking girl doesn't even know how good a pussy is. And I used to see her sleeping on the couch and I go, Lee, when are you gonna put your dick in her mouth? And Lee's like, I can't do that. I go, wait, once she's just put it in her mouth, she'll love it. You were telling me to walk out in the middle of the night when she's sleeping on my couch and just put my dick in her mouth. This is now your

girlfriend? No, no, no. This girl is just a friend from home who I stupidly said could stay in my place. That's that that could, I see how that could work, but if it doesn't, I could easily be right. Then he's like jerking off on her neck. He's gonna be terrible. That's better. That's better. Do that. That's why I go leave. What do you got to lose? So Lee, she moved down, moved with her brother and met a guy and got a job. That's fine. She didn't pay rent. She didn't pay rent. Lee was all happy with it. But the bottom line that was fucked up was that I kept telling Lee, I go, Lee, and Lee's like, how am I going to live if I do that? I go, Lee, you're not going to be going to live. Yeah. How are you going to live if you don't? How can you live with yourself right

now? So today, Lee calls me and he goes, I found that something pretty funny. She went back, you know, went back, what? To Boston. And I'm like, you know, she was probably here a year. Yeah, just that. A year. Exactly. And you and at first I was like, Lee, see, you should have put your dick in her ear. She was leaving anyway. So see, you'll never have to see again. But then I started, I liked her. You know, I was joking with Lee. I liked her and she was a cute girl. Yeah. And she was a young girl, you know, and it's funny how me, Lee and I were talking about how we just give up. We just go, I'm leaving who from LA. You mean so weird. I feel so sorry for them. And they don't ever admit it. They always go, No, I'm just going to go do this for a little bit. And every once

in a while, some people have come back for not long, not for long. Well, what happens is basically you go back and now you see the holes in your game. You go back. What do you mean? Well, when you leave after high school or college, you think it's always going to be like that. Really? What after high school or college? That area. Like when you left. But eat that. We're going deep to them. Lee, you've already lost all this weight. You're doing great. Just keep eating it. What the fuck? Eat the whole thing. You're going deep. That's a nice cookie. It's gluten free. Oh, it's nice. It's a new chef. Chef Boyardee. But I left Colorado. I left Colorado after nine

months. And the whole time I was back there, I cursed myself for this. Take a bite. We just eat that bite right there. Eat that thing. Just throw it in your mouth. I'm so high. That's okay. You're going to get a little high. I can be that for that. What's the eyeball? I ate the eyeball already. Let me get the other thing. What? Oh, it's cookie, man. It's not the taste. It's just the amount of highness. Oh, yeah, we got one more. No, what? Relax. Those Los Gumi's guys came to my taping. Oh, yeah. I was sitting next to them. They were

great. All the producers were like, are those Los Gumi's guys back again? Eric said he had like, I gave him what was left over of one. Here, I gave him some. I think we had some and then I left. He goes, I've had that, whatever was left over from you, I've had that four times and there's still some left. And he gets me fucked up every time. Those things are strong. But I left Colorado. I left Colorado. I left Colorado and I felt like a fucking asshole. Why? Because the whole time I went back to Jersey, it was just bad luck. It was just bad luck getting worse and worse and worse. And I'm like, why did I fucking leave Colorado? And once I made a point, once I saw myself homeless,

I was like this, I'm done. Once I get the fuck out of here, I'm done. I left when I never came back. This is 1985. I left. I went, I left Aspen in February of 84. And I made it back to Colorado by June of 85. And those were the worst fucking. What do you mean you went to LA and then back again? No, I was living in Colorado. I left New Jersey. And after nine months, I was like, oh, my friends are having a good time. They're snorting blown. New Jersey. They're going skiing, they're having such a good time. Here I am bored, going a better time. I got my own apartment. What a miserable life. I was living in Aspen. When I got back on a fucking plane and went back, it was the worst experience of my life. Not only was it bad, but I felt bad about leaving my

head giving up. But once I made my mind on living, leaving, I didn't come back for seven years, six years. Like I never went back to New York. I never even thought about it. Like now I go back twice a year, but I wouldn't even think about moving. I don't know. It was just something. You're such a New Yorker too. It's so weird. It was such a bad feeling of leaving something. It felt like I quit. Really? Yeah. I always, I remember being a kid and hanging out at bars and guys would leave. Like, oh, Lee's back. He's back from California. They'd have like a party for him. They'd come back and tell you how fucking tremendous. I'm fucking three blondes. I live on the beach. That's like, what are you doing? And then like three months, he's back. I'm like, what

happened? Oh, you know, California sucks, man. It sucks. I'm surrounded. There was no bagels and you said they go, what a loser. Well, you didn't tell me that last time. You said it was bad and you were killing it. And that was everybody. Like that was that people left to go to the army. Sour grapes. They get sour grapes. Yeah. And they come back and go, oh, fucking you guys should come out and visit. And then you see them at the bar one day. You're like, what happened to the army? Huh? It sucked. They sent me to Japan. Yeah. They never offered that too. They just, they just sort of like, wait till you bring it up. Like, what happened to your big fucking plans? No, I'm good. I got this. No, but it's just, I would feel really bad if I left. Like I kept, when I first moved

to LA to do comedy, I didn't know how long it was in the last year. Yeah. But how do those people show their face when they go back, when they get a job in Philadelphia? You know, and they're like, I think I like Andrea. I think I like that fucking moment. The girl from the comedy store. She had to go back and fucking Porsche. Didn't she buy a Porsche or something? Really? What she leased at the end? She leased like a Mercedes convertible when she was working. She started up a cookie, a cookie store. Right. She opened up a cookie thing. And then one day she got fired and she left. She went back there with a story that she lived in LA for 15 years. Then what are you doing back? I dated a, yeah, why go back? Why not just go somewhere else? Who do you know still

there when she went back? Go to Tucson. Like she left. This girl left in the middle of everything. Where'd she go back to? Indiana? Indiana and took a Porsche with her. She bought a convertible Mercedes. She leased it. She started a cookie company. They threw her out of the store and she picked up a shit and went back. And I always see her on Facebook. She was in LA too long. Yeah, but she should have been gone. But not back. No, no, no, no. But it's funny how when she went back, what is she going to say? What is she going to say? What did you do for the last 15 years? You think about that too, right? You think about like how do you think? I worked at the comedy store. I dated a drummer from a band from David Lee Roth's band for a while. Yeah. And what else? What were

you doing there? Did you go to college? Did you get married? What the fuck did you do? I was waitress at one place. I mean, you know, same place for 15 years. Probably. So you got to sit there and go, what the fuck, man? I mean, I feel bad about what I'm doing out here now. At least I got a job. You know, at least I got a part time fucking job. I couldn't imagine going back. It's like anything else. Yeah. It's like going back after you've been beat up. It's like going back after anything. You got to feel bad about yourself for being back there. So what's the name said about the Knicks? Carmelo. He goes, wouldn't feel right to leave. I didn't, I didn't finish. I feel like quitting. Yeah, you got to

finish business. I feel bad for my friends on Facebook who I see are still living in like the same town and it's not, they can even have good jobs, but like hanging out. Yes. And riding all town Jerusalem, but like going to the same pizza places like that. I'm glad some people like it, but that's nice once in a while to go back to them. Like, Oh yeah, well, it feels creepy in there or whatever, but not like, Oh, it's still all the time. I don't know. Anybody last week in my hometown was the mayor's ball. Yeah. And that's what they all live for the people in my hometown, because if you don't go to the mayor's ball, the man won't see you won't get a job. If I had to do that, I would have been so unhappy and I would have done

so many fucking drugs that would have been my life. You know, if you live in Northburg, if you get a job in North Bergen, you have to live in North Bergen. They don't tell you that. It's communism. They don't tell you that. What do you mean? It's just like an unwritten rule in my only town. Yeah, it's very political. But even like my hometown, when I went back and people were talking, I saw four or five people and when they were bumping into other people, they were talking about the mayor's ball. And that's the highlight of the year. That's it. You wear your best suit and the mayor sees you and he meets your wife and you hopefully you take a picture. And hopefully when it comes election time or time to renew your contract,

the mayor remembers you from the mayor's ball. They sell 2,000 tickets at $150 a piece. Whoa. Wow, what a racket. I was blown the fuck away. Democracy. The first time I had all these demons going on, but that was a deli one day called Hashways and the Maka administration came in. Hashways. And his eyes, this guy Joe Maka, his eyes were blue and they had to kill his eyes. And I remember that I was eating and I always said hi to Joe. I would say, Hey, Mr. Maka, because I knew his brother's brother was the mayor. But Joe did all the cleanup work from Joe was the devil. And I don't forget being there one day and he come in, he was gonna say, he was this guy named Carmine Pellechio. He looked at me and he goes, Amen. You've been having a good time for a

long time. You ready to go to work? Really? And I was like, Yeah. And that right there when I said, Yeah. He's like, All right, get right your number down. Give you a few calls pretty soon. And like, I don't have a number. Just leave your message with Ashway and I'll call you right there when I was talking to him. I knew that I was leaving. As I said, Yeah. Why? Because that means you get caught up in a political thing. You have to pick a side. And once you pick a side, Joe Maka wasn't the type of guy that sent you a message. He sent you a message by breaking your business or lighting your fucking business. I really do have these guys. This was that Mako mentality, that administration Carmine Balzano. This is the

mayor. This is the mayor's brother. He's a cleanup guy. It's a quarterback. All those guys, those mayors, you see them, they look very nice on paper. Yeah. They have one guy that does all their cleanup work. That they've known for 50 fucking years since they were kids. And they do the dirty work for him. Like Mike in Breaking Bad. Whatever the fuck it is, you know, most attorneys have that. That's if it's a big law firm, you got to have something. You got to have somebody on that side of the track to know what you're going up against. So a good attorney, you come to me and go, I'm a big time drug dealer. I got caught for transportation or whatever the fuck they call it. You know, I'm going to take a half million retainer on you. But I guarantee before I cast

that check, I want to do a background on you. I'm not talking about an NCIC. I'm talking about a street background. Like this is guy killer. What is he capable of doing? What is he capable of not doing? And you're not going to find that out by on a piece of paper by talking to a detective. You're going to find that out. You know, they have those people on the street, what they say about them, what are people that are not attorneys, paralegals, paralegals. You know, they have paralegals. I've always wanted to be a paralegal, but more in the sense of loading people's lips. Because there's a lot of people that don't know that other side of criminality. You know, when I was telling you guys that story before about, I know,

you know, it changes. But the basics of criminality, I know them. I know the streets. Everything was paid for me to become a criminal. I just took a different route. But I know the heartbeat. You know, I know how it works. I know how the bribes work. I know that thing goes down from A to Z. If Lee was the mayor of North Bergen, he wouldn't do what I do. Lee would pay me to do what I do. Lee would never have to say, bring this envelope to Ari, because he would feel that I had a tape recorder on me. So there's so many things that Lee has to protect himself with. You know, everybody's in shock that that fat fucker... Or he would never say, it's like, how are you? Well, I don't know what to talk about. I mean, somebody else will

come talk to you. You know, everybody always says, how come the fat guy, Governor Christie, doesn't run for president in Jersey? It's not like it was 30 years ago that you could run for president now. They'll find everything out about you. You know, oh, Donald Trump isn't for, you know why? Because Donald Trump was, while Sammy the Bulldog of Gravano was alive, Donald Trump will not run for president. I like to watch my white get fucked by black guys. Yeah, every day he wakes up and he goes, I hope Sammy Gravano doesn't rat on me today. Really? Yeah, sure. Because Sammy Gravano ran construction for the Gambino's. Who was the biggest guy in the construction racket days? Trump in those days. They cross paths. In his book, he mentions it. He goes, he explains

how a GC works with the mafia, how it works, how a GC works with the mafia. So a general contractor will come on and give you a fucking bid, but he'll use non-union worker. So he'll give you a bid. I'm paying Lee $32 an hour. I'm paying Jose Martinez $15, but I'm charging $32. So 17 goes in my fucking pocket. I split that with the mom. And you get shoddy, shoddy workman. Share the union. So that's why they take over union. You understand me? So they take over Carpenter's $5.60. So that way they can use union work? I go, I put a bid in with him. He's gonna take the highest bid. He don't give a fuck because he gets a cut of the highest bid. Who gets a cut of the highest bid? You. The union guy. The union guy. Oh, right. Oh, right. So you're gonna go with the highest

bid, but I read this guy wants 300. I'm gonna give you a $50,000 payback. Okay, cut back. So right away, boom, you take this guy I use instead of using 16 guys at $42.50. And eight laborers or four hard carriers that I'm supposed to have a union job. I have 12 guys at $10 an hour and two guys at $8 an hour. So that becomes a lot of fucking money in a week. I take that money and I chop it up with the mob. The mob has 20 jobs going on. And then they can have those, those show jobs, show no work jobs, show no work, the whole thing. It's a beautiful fucking. That must be fucked up if like you work to become like a general contractor and then you have to learn, fuck, I have to pay the mob to do this or like if you buy a restaurant in the

neighborhood and then you're like, oh, the, the, the cops come by and yeah, we just give them You know how long that lab factory in fucking Chicago took to open? How long? Are they fucking years? Because they were fucking with the guy from Zany's. So he kept trying to get it shut down? Not shut down. Come here. You're the inspector. Here's $5,000. Shut them down. Harry, you know, I like you with that toilet. It's three, three inches off center. What? And then I come back. Harry, you know that you have to have a handicap bathroom and a handicap stall and a handicap pole and a handicap this. Then once you build that, I come back and go,

no, the pole has to be 36 inches from the fucking ground. How do you set 39 inches? No, 36 inches. And the, and the weather has to be a water spot. What if the retard falls off? He has to be having a verbel to bring. We have retard resistant rubber floors like you told us. It's amazing how much I could keep you in fucking. Look at the ha ha. The ha ha long has been been open. The new ha ha hasn't opened yet. The new ha ha. What do you mean the new ha ha? There's a new ha ha. I'm all down the road on Lancashire.

From a mile from the old beautiful. How beautiful is the outside? It looks nice on the outside. Fucking beautiful. Are they supposed to move or what? No, but. Or just get a second location. This that we're going to move. Okay. And the city holds it up. The city holds it up. Why? Somebody didn't want to bar close to me. Mitzi used to always go after like any shows that were around.

Should the house of blues do comedy. No, no, they won't do comedy. And then, you know, She said on the sunset strip. Yeah. I give a lot of money to these people at their things. How often do you think that happens in like regular jobs? That's crazy. Remember that? Sopranos is like three episodes where they're all sitting around a work site. They'll have all their meetings there because they had the fucking show.

You got a show. What do you mean show? Give me a no work. No show. Like I couldn't. I'm sorry. I had like two or three no show jobs other than Jersey. I had a job that had to stand by a wall at night. And I got paid from six to six. But the guy would pick me up at 11 o'clock in the night to be done. Bo G. He was a union rep.

And he would give me like $200 for the night. And then I picked up another gig. What if I had a grammar school? They got me a North American janitor's job in the grammar school. All I had to do was show up once a week and pick up a check every two weeks. Did I have to pick up a broom? I would pick up like I would show up on Mondays, put my shirt on and do the paperwork.

Like how many hours I worked. 85 and then one day of overtime. But I would leave. He put in overtime. One day. He mother fucker. And then he would give me a push to it. Fucking amazing.

How many no show jobs were around when I was growing up? Fucking amazing. Just because the union got a part of that. Like they're like we'll give this guy eight bucks, but then we'll get 24 or whatever he costs. It's a great racket. I don't understand how nobody's ever done it here. Like nobody's gone to the electrician union in Hollywood and go,

here's the deal bitch. You're not doing these guys movies. That's what get shorty was all about. Get good card. No, get shorty. No, get shorty. Get shorty is a good fucking movie. Haven't seen it in a while.

What's his name is tremendous in that Dennis Farina and Jean Aguil. Steals the fucking show, Jean Aguil. Jean Aguil is good in a couple of those movies. He was good in that movie with the Sigournia Weaver. What? The chick and fucking the Sarah Silverman. Sarah Silverman. I remember the movie did where he was killing homeless people.

He was a doctor and he was with Hugh Grant too. Hugh Grant was a young doctor. He was telling them how to do it. He was fucking doing research on homeless people. And then Hugh Grant was like, well, you can't do this. This is unethical. And honestly, the more I think about it now, the more I realize like, yeah, man, yeah, of course.

Yeah, that's fine. It's for the better good. You got a few homeless people. No one's going to miss them. And then everyone else lives a lot longer. Just trade lives for years for years. There's a lot of fucking homeless people. Yeah.

There's a lot of fucking homeless people, man. Yeah. Any way you go, there's tons of homeless people. Mountain Denmark. No? They shoot them? No. They fucking get them help.

They don't allow it. That's what you get. We're paying tons of taxes. I don't know where this fucking money's going. You're saying you wish some of the money went to shooting homeless? No, I'm just saying that, you know, they're cleaning them up, getting them help. What do you mean there's a human out there

and they get help when it's done? Yeah. Did you see like one college in London got like pretty bad backlash because they put cages over like the heat exhaust vents and like they were saying, oh, it's dangerous, but they just didn't want the homeless people sleeping under them in like a freaking cold London winter.

And they put K to people who got really upset. Welcome. Yeah. Welcome. That must be fucked up, sleeping outside. Oh, and then somebody puts a cage up and like, come on, we just want the steam from the fucking. You're not even going to let us have the steam.

I used to hit that in Boston or New York where you'd walk by a closed business and it's like they have a whole house set up and I'm freaking me out. I have a what set up? Like, you know, like when you're walking down the street in New York has like the doors that are a little bit in, like they'll pushed in from the street.

The doors on the ground? No, doors like the doors of the restores. Yeah. They're pushed in and pushed in. Like if you're walking down the street, you have to like turn left into it and they're hidden by walls. You know what I'm saying?

I don't know. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're just talking about every store? Yes, but then almost people are sleeping under the door frame. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I still don't, I'm not sure I get all that set up with the frames and the walls.

Yeah, I took the baby to the park. Yeah. I was pushing her on the swing. I'm watching this dude. First I look over and I see a guitar, a suitcase, another bag against the fence. And then I see a guy taking a shower in the water fountain like wetting his hair and brushing his teeth and

he's got a little Mary. Taking a shower in the water fountain. Yeah. Like a little water and he was pressing it. And I've been there. You know, I've been in a bus station or in a hotel bathroom when I was on the road a lot of times and I would get to the gig early

and I didn't have a hotel room and I would go outside the hotel where they were going to put you up and just run in and go to their bathroom. Really? You know, just take a shit. And I seen this guy do it outside. And after a couple of minutes, I was just out there with Mercy.

Mercy didn't want to swing. I started walking. And I caught him more by the tennis rackets. And I asked him, I go, what's up, man? He's like, how you doing? He's like, well, I'll go get something to eat. And he told me that he took a bus here from Chicago to be in a band. And, you know, he was looking for an apartment that day.

And I go, so you slept here tonight? He goes, the fucking bus dropped me off at two in the morning up the corner. And there's the Greyhound. I'm like, no, you're there by the no-hold diner down the block. Yeah. So he said he went and he asked. There was no hotels.

You know, he didn't know. He goes, I didn't know. Nobody knew. He goes, I asked like three people at 10 after two. So he goes, I saw the park and I came into the park. He doesn't have a smartphone? I don't fucking know what you're doing. If they're on a fucking bus, you know,

he's got his fucking guitar with him and he's taking a shower in the fucking sink. Yeah, he's got his smartphone. Let me see where a hotel is at two in the morning. Then I got to get a cab. When you're carrying shit, you don't, if you don't see it, it ain't happening because you can't take a chance.

What if you walk four blocks with a suitcase, your guitar, a duffel bag and everything? And also somebody goes, no, the hotel is four blocks that way. Now what the fuck do you do? You got to start alone. So when you get off a bus, trust me, you don't want to fuck around. You know, if you don't see a hotel, there's a park.

I'll go there and sit from three until daylight, save a night on a hotel. Because sometimes you want to save a fucking night. I'm going to, it's two already. They're going to throw me out at 12. We do that in Israel. We just sleep on a beach instead of a castle. They're going to throw me out at 12.

Save cash. Why am I going to go somewhere where they're going to throw me out at 12? Let me check in at 12.15 and get the whole fucking day. Okay, I see that. You follow me? Why check in at 2am? That's street mentality.

I wouldn't sleep. I'd go like, go to a diner or something. You go to a diner or whatever. That'd be fucked up to sleep in like a van. You know, no, that's the street mentality. You got $300. It's already three in the morning. I'm out.

What's, I'm tired, you know what? Let me go sell that bench till six or seven, get up, get something to eat. I'll ask around where I can take a cab to a cheap hotel, go over there and stay three or four days and get my, you know, get my shit to me. Call Ari, go Ari. I'm at this hotel, send me 300 to home me over

till I get a G, you know. But you got to save money. You just can't go into the fucking chapter. I don't know. I was a gentry, a friend of mine, gentry one time. I'm a gentry. But the first booking I ever booked was 100 wheels of justice on TNN.

100 wheels of justice. For Spike. It was Spike. It was TNN. And it was like a Nashville channel. And that big show was something wheels of justice. 100 wheels of justice is something. I played a pimp and I was fucking broke.

I mean, broke. This is before I robbed the skiers. This is that same fucking season when I robbed the ski movie. When the guys do that thing. What's that dude who does the ski movies? He does all the ski movies and go watch people ski on the movies. I don't know. What the fuck's his name?

The director? Yeah, he's a director and he does them the same movies. The documentaries. Yes. Yeah. The shows. Let me see. The shows are crazy, like Surfing too.

Yes, yes. And they have a thing in December where they go to San Diego. They go to all these places all the way up and down the coast. And they were paying me 150 a show or 300 for two shows. And all I had to do was go up there and go welcome to our movie tonight. You had whatever. Fill them out and then I'll come out after the movie. And I'll let you know who won skis and this and that.

And they were paying me like 150 for two shows. San Diego, we did two shows. We did Calabasas. We did, you know, just all this dumb shit. Yeah. And these are college students running the fucking show. They're fucking college students. They didn't know about it.

And I'm seeing that every night they're doing these shows and they're not depositing the money. They're putting it on the blue bag. And I'm watching this blue bag. And it's getting more and more filled up every fucking night. And I'm like, I want to get this blue bag. And I'm watching them and they're not watching. They're stoners.

And they're complacent. I'm going to get these motherfuckers. And Friday comes. I've been there for two weeks. Parrot, Matt Parrot got me the job. He was an Arizona nice kid. He couldn't do it. He was a writer on somebody's show.

And he was like, Joe, I've done this for five years. It's like four grand in three weeks. And if anybody needed that four grand at that time, he was making a desperate way. It was the holidays. I had just gotten with Terry, the cocaine. I was robbing these motherfuckers. So I did the two-week thing.

I had Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday left. Wednesday was Redondo Beach, something like that. But that weekend, we did San Diego. So 30 miles outside, they had to get me a hotel. So we're staying in there. What's before San Diego, and two before, not La Jolla, Wave of Centenella, Centenille, Cavalry, whatever the fuck. We're doing that thing there.

And I'm watching this fucking idiot. And he's guarding that money. That thing is this fucking thick by now. And they got two of them. And I'm figuring if I can find that way, he's stashing them. I just need one of them. I don't need both of them. I'm not greedy.

I could take two. And he could say, well, somebody robbed him. And this Sunday, I'm watching that bag. It's a Sunday. And we're in the bar. And he's got both bags in the suitcase. And he's carrying it with him. Then we go back into the theater.

And he takes the thing. And he puts it in the back of his Nissan Pathfinder. So I'm watching this fucking suitcase like nothing. Like a dog when he knows something's in your hand. When he knows it's meat in your hand. Oh my god, guys. And I'm like, how am I going to go up to the car? And I try to open it.

It's closed. The trunk is closed. Because in between, I go up there. There's like a 45 minute. They show the movie. So I got to kill time. So we did the first show. And I'm like, how am I going to get this guy's money?

I wanted to snort. They had paid me up front already for all the jobs. I had blown the money. I wanted to snort so bad. I wanted to snort so bad. It's Sunday night. And finally he walks away. He leaves his keys on top of the counter.

And I went over. And I opened the door. And I put the keys right back. And I got to go to my car. And he goes, all right. And he started talking to some chick. There was a hot chick. My chick deep toward him.

He went by the chick upstairs to show the historic theater. And by this time, he took his keys. I took my car and pulled right up to his car, opened up the side door, went in, opened up the zip and just stuck my hand in one of the bags and took a handful. Oh my god. Took it in, drove through the corner,

or popped the trunk in my car and hit it in the tie. I pulled the metal out and put the money in the tie. Didn't even count it. Nothing. I fucking went back. Like nothing happened. Closed his door. I beeped and closed the door.

I went inside. Did the second show and fucking left. And the whole way, he's like, you're not spending the night. I'm like, no. This is 2000. That's risky to not spend the night. That's it.

This is crazy. Because if you see it's wrong. I had a snorkel. I wasn't staying in that fucking ghost town by myself. I flew up to LA. I got up here like an hour, 20. I went right to the comedy store. I got an eight ball from the Martel Cartel.

And I got like a gram from Chewy. And the last fact, we had this little waitress that was really, really cute. And she was a company. He's always hired hot waitress. Oh, this girl was a heartbreaker. I was probably 36 or 37, maybe 38 tops. And this girl was probably 25 from Texas Big Tits.

Short hair, just beautiful. And she shows up to the comedy store. And she's like, I just broke the record. Some guy gave me a $200 tip. And she goes, I walked with $500. Where do I get an eight ball? And I go right here. And I sold her the one I bought from the Martel Cartel.

Because I still had Coke from Chewy. And I could go back to the Martel Cartel. I didn't have a place to snort. I bought an eight ball and didn't have a place to snort. Once the comedy store closed, I would have had to go home. Terry, I couldn't do that eight ball at the house. So I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do? This is in the Terry days?

Yeah. And this girl's asking me, what are you going to do? And I go, I'm not going to do nothing. I'm just going to go home. She goes, well, I'm going to get a whole tower room by myself. So we got the whole tower room across the street from the comedy store. The craft store or something?

Right there. That shitty hotel in Sahara. We got a whole tower room. We started snorting up a fucking storm. And at seven o'clock in the morning, she looks me straight in the face. And she goes, I don't want to fuck you. But I want you to pull my hair.

What are you talking about? And she's like, pull my hair. And I go, if I pull you, I'm going to jerk off on your face. And she goes, oh, I just show me your dick. And it was fucked. And I just one thing led to it. I go, you know what? I'm too coked up to deal with this.

And I fucking run home. And I just fall asleep on the couch. And about 11 o'clock, I hit a phone ring. And I ring and I pick up the phone. And it's a guy who goes, Joe Diaz, this is Rick Pagano. Where the fuck are you? And I go, who? And he goes, Rick Pagano.

You're going to 11 o'clock with the director. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, you're a producer session. What's a movie? How long will it take you to get up here? I go, 20 minutes. I'm so sorry. I had a long night.

He goes, all right, get up here. I fucking brush my teeth, just put water in my hands, shot up there, and booked the movie. It was an American gun. That's one silver man. No, that's the way they go. That's the movie with whatever his fucking name is. I don't even know who gives a Frenchman's fuck.

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What the fuck the nurse? I knew she was going to get it. But I'm happy that black dude died. You knew she was going to get it. Who? You didn't even know about her. The first person was going to get it. One person was going to get it.

Okay. But I'm very happy the black guy fucking died. I'm happy that you died. Are you happy? That the Ebola guy. They can get it from your body now. Even if you're dead. You can still get it from people's bodies.

It's a fucking nightmare. We're going to have to start burning bodies, you guys. And you know I love Africans. I love black people. But that shit, don't let them in. No more. No, maybe if we burn the bodies, it'll be in the air. If you're fucking Liberia, you can't do nothing.

You got to ship them back. I knew that guy was going to die. They don't take a fucking genius. A white guy with fucking Ebola is going to get shot in Texas. Never mind a black guy. They could wait to fucking light him on fire. Who are you kidding? The family even knows.

They're suing him. They say they can get tapped. Bro, that's a black guy with Ebola. If you're going to fucking come over here with Ebola, don't show up in Texas. Go someplace white with his nice people. Like San Francisco. They're used to the heaven shit.

They'll welcome you. You write the fuck. You know what I'm saying? They'll welcome you in. We got the Hive. What's Ebola? Who gives a fuck? Are you going to like the pipeline in a couple months?

I don't give a fuck anymore, dog. This is what it is. It's true. Those people with the Hive will be gone by then. Yeah. By the time they got the Hive, we're used to it. You might as well show up with Ebola. People be leaking from the ass and the mouth.

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Joey? Joey, you get two weeks for free. Then it's $7.99 a month. You're not going to get that deal from nobody. You think you're going to go to Africa? They're going to give you a boulder for two weeks. Then you're going to want to come back and see if you want it or not. No, two weeks for free.

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Then we'll talk about $7.99 two weeks later. You're not going to get that deal from nobody. The TV just gives you $7.99 a month. They're not giving you two weeks to binge watch whatever the hell you want. On your Roku, your smart TV, or your phone. Get your shit together. Go to HuluPlus.com right now. And also to my brothers, would you fucking guys stop talking over the ads?

And also, much love to Dollar Shave Club. Who else gives you raises sent to your house right there? A dollar a month, six dollars a month, or nine dollars a month? The six dollar deal is tremendous. The dollar deal is tremendous. Two blades. The six dollar deal is four blades. The nine dollar deal is four blades.

And has the yellow strips. Plus right now they're giving you what for free? The shave butter, right? Shave butter for free. What strips? Whatever. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Watch what the fuck you want.

This is Dollar Shave Club, right? Dollar six dollars and nine dollars a month gets delivered right through your fucking front door. You don't have to go to the store and wait online with a bunch of people with bad fucking deodorant. You don't, what do you need? A razor with what? A flashlight on it?

Fucking handle? I don't have to care for you now too. You don't need none of that shit. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now and get these high quality raises sent to your fucking door. End up set. I like the kind of raises where they show you in the old movies where you see somebody raising it and then, and then you cut and you see somebody just holding

their neck. Yeah, that's a straight razor, but then I go over that Dollar Shave. No, that's scary. You know, that's a felony. Oh. Don't trust anybody with that. What the fuck? These people keep bothering.

Ten o'clock. Yeah. Ten o'clock as well. That's how we do it here, man. We don't fuck around here. I'm excited for your special. Yeah, me too. Thank you.

The podcast, you didn't really hit home with me. I didn't know that Mitzi didn't pass your fucking years. Yeah, nobody. You're Jewish. Can you imagine you were black? It's like being in a bowl of victim in Texas. Yeah. Yeah.

If you got a bowler, don't go to Texas, dog. They're just going to shoot you. Everywhere else, they survive. They survived in Maryland. They survived in Atlanta. They go to Texas. They shoot you? Do you think that's what happened to them?

They fucking, they put, they shot him with a lethal. They're going to Mexicans in the break. Yeah, they're not going to take you in Texas. Dump it in Mexico. And now they're really pissed. Now those red nicks are going to see what happens for helping that fucking guy, one of our own got fucking, that's it. Don't go to Texas if you got a bowler.

They'll will shoot you on the spot, Jack. That's our next T-shirt. Don't go to Texas with a bowler. Better be timely before it kills everyone or it goes away. When did you, when did you get to the store? I got the store in 1999. What made you go to the store? I didn't, nothing.

I wouldn't even know it existed. Never had even heard of the place. I was looking for the Laugh Factory. I was driving down Sunset, looking for the Laugh Factory. And I was like, Oh, what's that place? Maybe I'll go there on the way back. So I went to look for a job at the Laugh Factory. And then I went in there and that's, that's the place you should go.

The Laugh Factory said no? Laugh, yeah, they were like, Hi, we don't really even hire comics. Maybe we have day job stuff. It wasn't even like, there wasn't even a way in there. The comics are made a way in for people. That's what people say. It's like the comedy seller. The comedy seller doesn't have the regulars there that used to fucking be employees there.

You know, there's a shitload of comics in the comics that run as easy. You know, Bobby Lee, John Capitol Rulo. Yeah, they all used to be employees there. So it's like with the new employees, there's some sort of camaraderie of like, we're all sort of the same thing. You know, you don't get too big headed. So who are you talking about? Like people are having these low paying jobs now and like complaining.

Like, do you ever like, when you look back at working at the store, I'm like, yeah, like they probably weren't paying you close to minimum wage. And then no, but now 25 bucks a night. It ended up being for good. Like there must have been people who like complained. Yeah, there's some people like this is none of money. But for me, it was always like, we're not we're not doing it for the money. We're here for the spots.

The money's a bonus. Those people are not dead. They complained about the money. I guess because they looked at they didn't look at the fucking trees. They looked at the trees. They didn't look at the clouds behind the trees. Right. I was just working for the spot and then the two spots that the three minutes on Sunday.

That's all I was looking for. That's all it's working to do at least two shifts. Sometimes three shifts. So you got that 99. When did she pass you? 2003, I think. So four years to pass you. How'd you feel when she passed you?

Pretty great. But also at the same time, it's just kind of sort of like everything I've gotten in my career. It's like I've got, I've just gotten over it by the time I get it. It's like that scene in a swingers when he's like, you know, he's like, you got to like not care and then she'll call you, but you can't just say I don't care. You have to really just not care anymore.

And then they call you. So it was like, I'll fuck this. And then she was like, I want you to showcase this Sunday. And I was like, oh, she's going to pass me. And I was like, all right. Did she pass you? Yeah. How'd you feel when you went home then?

I felt pretty good, man. I felt pretty good. Such a weight lifted off my shoulders. I mean, you know, God, it was like, finally, the people at home must sit there and go, I'm turning this off. If they talk about the comedy store, you know, when you're a comic, it's everything. That's, that's the Marines. That's it.

If you ask me in one word, what's the comedy store mean to you? It means I made it to the comedy Marines. Again, I didn't have the balls to join the regular Marines. I didn't want to take the blood test. But you know, that prior was on that stage. Red Fox on the stage. It gives me a certain confidence. You know, I never had anything.

You know, I'm a felon. I've had problems, but I'm a regular at the store. I don't even give a fuck about my name on the wall. That means nothing to me because there's a bunch of people's names on the wall. I don't deserve it to be on that fucking wall. They were friends with somebody. And they got lucky. And they got lucky.

Congratulations. I don't give a fuck about the wall. I know in my heart that she passed me. Regulars. And that bigger to me than anything that could happen in this life for me. It calmly was. I have bragging rights. I was made by Mitzi Shor.

You know, I went in there, did it. I went in there three times. She only she passed me. I got passed. I landed in LA January 29th and she passed me February 19th. That's how fast. Do you get pissed off when people say that? No, that was pretty normal.

That was always like the normal. Really? No, not three weeks. No, not three weeks. No, not three weeks. How many of the four years were you ready to be passed? Did you think? Well, see, the store has spots for like new people.

The comedy store has late night spots. They have a 12 to 15 spot, a 12 30 spot on a Tuesday, you know, with eight people in the room. That's not, you know, Rogan's not taking that spot. Regular big comics are just not doing that. So that's like, all right, here's some scraps. Yeah, I was ready for that. I mean, two years in, probably I could have gotten in then three years in. I was like, come on, this is taken forever based on what else you're putting up in those spots.

Like, come on. What made you stay? This is blind faith. What made you not go to the lab factory? What made you be like a lot of people said, fuck this store and went to the end because is that? I mean, I went to the other places, but I just never stopped going to the store. I mean, I went to everywhere I could to get up. All of us that are from the store, there's 10,000 of us that came out

with that job to make it to the store. An alternative open mic, the Westwood Brew Co. I remember saying something. It was me and David Taylor and Nick Youssef and a few people being like regular comics in there. And I was like, how many of you guys hate the comedy store? And they like 80% of them raised their hand. And I was like, how many of you have showcased to get into the comedy store and like 40% of them raised their hand like sheepishly?

It's like, yeah, you didn't get past. You didn't get past to leave. And then you left, it gave up. You have no use for it. Once you've, once you, she doesn't pass you, you get a sour taste in your mouth. I know plenty of people that ran out of there and go, fuck this place. I know. She didn't pass me.

It's like, all right, she took the blue pill today instead of the fucking green pill. But I couldn't worry about them being passed tonight. I was worried about myself. What do you want me to do when they go, Mitch, you got to pass somebody? She's not going to listen to me. In fact, she's going to throw me out with that person. Yeah, PB's asked me like, can you recommend me? I was like, listen, I'll just tell you right now, it's going to work against you.

She has, it's part of her torturing me is she's not going to pass you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't, I didn't fuck with the store too much. In three weeks, you got there and then three weeks later, January 29th. I got here on a Monday. So that Sunday I didn't showcase and the following Sunday in showcase. I think it was the following Sunday. I lucked out because Latino night because they did Latino night, the improv and Richard Cooper saw me do it and he passed me.

And then Mitzi caught me at the end and Eddie Gray and of what? At the end of the Latino show. Latino show at the comedy store was Sundays from seven to nine. And that was privately booked. So that's the only reason you can get in there. Remember when Jay Davis did rock comedy? Ton of people, Brett Ernest, I think Sebastian, they all get in that way because Mitzi was like popped her head in and she was, oh, what's this?

Oh, this guy's killing. That's a whole thing got passed. He was in the belly room and she had her office up there. And she was like, peer her head out. I was like, what the who's this guy? So she's have a doorway right into the belly room. So if she heard while she was doing work, she heard somebody kill and she could like pop the door open right there.

It's covered up up there. That's the only thing that's really missing now when I go up there is her and I could tell she's not there. It's great to store and I have a great time and it's the best workout room in LA. But Mitzi sure is not there when she would come in the fear everyone would run. It was like she had so much power. It was like she was a mafia, but like knew she was in charge. Like she'd walk her out with like nothing and no bodyguard because no one would dare

do anything to her. She would, Joey would stand over and he was hosting and she was like, that's me. He was at his best. And she would just poke him in the belly and they go. Like she's letting out the air. I like that baby. Fat baby. She used to really like me.

She used to really like me. They used to like her at the time. Fat baby. Fat baby. You were funny. Oh my God. She would torture people but laugh about it. Holtzman hated following Tonya Lee Davis because she was the midget.

He goes, it's not a freaking freak show. It's not a carnival act. I don't want. And so she would always make him follow her. If she found out something about you that you had a quirk, she'd fucking run it. She pushed that envelope. If you broke up with your girlfriend and she was a regular, you were following that bitch. Oh no.

Oh yeah. All we had was she broke up. She'd make you follow that bitch just on principle. Just to see how you, just to see what your emotion was at. Just to make sure. Lee, how you feeling my brother? I remember her coming over and she'd give him a lie. When they needed to cover both, she would just like do the thing.

And if you weren't there paying attention, but you had to be paying attention. But if you weren't, someone would come like, she said give him a lie. Okay. It might be one of your friends on stage. He's been on stage for three minutes. That's enough. She said that's enough.

Oh no. The light would come on. This is a kid that I saw her. I saw a kid go down and had a high hope when he came here. Yeah. I saw a kid that I knew personally. The twinkle in his eyes? From Houston that I saw him in Houston.

And he was like, so how's the store? I'm like, the store's really good. He had a big ego. He won like Houston's funniest person. And he had all these witty jokes. And his manager, his manager was the club owner. And he kept saying, oh, this guy's better. Anybody you've ever seen, I saw him.

And the guy was good, but there was a problem. He hadn't done nothing. He had a huge ego. And right then I knew it wasn't going to work for him. And sure enough, he, the comedy club owner used to book big names. So he became friends with people like Gersh and shit. And he said, let's showcase for this kid on a Sunday night. And I'll never forget him walking in.

And this guy thought he had, this was his prized possession. I think the night they had gotten into town on Saturday and he put them up late at the improv. The 11 o'clock show and the kid did okay. So he walked into the comedy store thinking he was fucking George Carlin. And I'm watching all this. I'm watching this go down. It's a different room.

It is equalizer. I'm not saying a word. And sure enough, they come over to me and they go, hey, he has a spot here at whatever for Mitzi. Sure. Well, Mitzi wasn't, he wasn't supposed to go up for Mitzi. He said something up with somebody. And Mitzi walks in and I go, I walk up to her.

I go, Mitzi, this is the kid that they approved, that Duncan approved them, whatever. And she goes, okay. And I go, he, the reputation, I just a zinger. I go, the one on the street is he's the new Bill Hicks. And she looked at me and I didn't have to know what she was saying. She looked at me like, this is going to be interesting. Like you just fucked this kid's world up by telling me that.

Because if he's not that, then this kid had a huge ego. Young, you know, he was going to fucking, I mean, I, he already had a following in Houston, the young comics, and he was telling them how he was better than this guy. He worked with this guy and he couldn't follow him. And Mitzi puts him up for five minutes. Like they work it all out five minutes. And his manager's in the back with his little pencil, you know,

like this with his hands like that, like, watch these guys. And a bunch of people had gone up, you know, like open mic store guys that were good. And this fucking moron goes up there. And after the first joke, nothing. Second joke, nothing. Third joke. This guy's swimming up there in death. And Mitzi's like, and he's dying.

And Mitzi's like, give him the light, give him the light. Should we say it as loud as that? Loud. And you can hear it. You can hear it. You're like, come on, fucking just turn the light on already. Fuck, I'm already killed. She looked at me and she goes, Bill Hicks, my ass.

Oh my God. Get him off the stage. Oh my God. This kid got off the stage, walked right down the stage, didn't even thank her. And the manager waited like eight minutes and then went back there. When they left, when they walked into the economy store, they were together. When they left, the manager was 10 feet walking ahead of them. That kid lasted maybe three months in this town.

In fact, he became an editor. Really? He became an editor's assistant. He did that nights and that was his bailout. Like this sucks. I'm not getting spots. I didn't move to a later being editor. I'm going back to Houston.

His soul was so fucking done when it got back to Houston. He never did comedy again. He packed his bags and went back to school and became like some fucking hockey rep or some shit. How's that one for you? That's the power of Mitzi's show. You had to walk by her after you got off. Yeah, after you got off.

And even if you know it was like a B-minor or a C-plus, you're like, maybe she'll see the real me. And she'll want to pass me though. And then you walk by. I was like, thank you, Mitzi. I just keep walking. The first time I did a set in front of my walk, and I didn't even talk to her because I was walking out,

she grabbed me. She called you. Yeah, she would do that. She would grab me. She goes, I'll see you next week. You have 10 minutes. And I go, yeah, she goes, 10 minutes. She'd call you back to where it was.

It used to be you go through a three. She'd like you to do a six. She'd like to do a 10 and then you're in or out. You're in or out. You could get. That's amazing. You have no idea where your stomach is. And got it.

But then every once in a while, she would see some awful person at three. She goes, oh, that's good enough. I've seen enough. You're in. You're getting great spots. But like, not anything against any of them. But when you say there's something like that,

why are clubs now hiring an ex-waitress who's 22 to do it? To do what? To say if someone can go do spots at their club. I mean, that's pretty much who she was though. When she started. She's got to start somewhere. She's got knocked up. And then they were like, they were like, book the show.

And so she had fucking 40 years of experience. And it wasn't like she was the best. She would pass terrible people too. But it was the place you had to go through. But you know what? The dice said it. Dice was like, could I have been as big without her? Is it maybe?

But I don't know. She made me a comment. Those 12, 15 spots made me a comment. It followed. Dice made me a comment. She did every night? No. No.

But she knew what she did. You knew. And if you were smart, you'd just tell her. She wouldn't stay that late. Even if she was there, she wouldn't stay for 12, 15. She'd be like, I don't know. No, no, no, no. She was never there for me at 12, 15.

She was there early. Some Sunday, she'd watch your host. I used to drive her in. And sometimes she'd be like, I don't feel like going in. But so many people showcasing the list was so backed up. They had to try to convince her to come in. So maybe some of your friends get passed. Can you imagine that?

She would get there and go, I don't want to go in. And I was like, Mitzi. Oh yeah, she was in the back. Just wouldn't go in. But I was like, come on. Go break some people's dreams. She goes, OK. Yeah.

But what if like that person doesn't like a certain type of comedy? That's the problem, sure. Then you're fucked. She didn't like old jokes after a while. You did an old person joke. Shit, you're out. You wore a baseball cap.

She didn't like that. You're out. Like what? Why did you warn them? What about when you get passed? Can they unpass you if you start sucking? No, but you'll have to pass forever. But she will never give you a spot.

Then you're not a regular. You're a paid regular. You're not like, you're not a regular. You're just passed. It's a weird fucking, it's a weird stomach, man, and that. You know how we have to. Paid regulars are the ones that are there regularly. After I heard the podcast, I really figured out in my mind

why you wanted to shoot the special there and what it meant to you. When you were telling me, you left that part out. You were just bulldogging me like, I need to shoot a date. I'm like, whatever. But after I heard the podcast and you said all that, I understood why. It was just, it felt like it was just the right thing to do.

To just justify everything. Even if you fucking get hit by a truck the 30th. Yeah, exactly. You justified everything. Exactly. It came full circle. Yeah, man, exactly. And sometimes when life comes full circle,

you go, Jesus fucking Christ. And you're too young for it to come full circle. I mean, you probably had experiences with. No, I know what you're saying. I can't go back to your old high school, essentially. I'd be giving the commencement speech at your high school or college. I would have to imagine.

Fuck. When I had to talk with Comedy Central about doing it there, so they're like, what do you want to do? And I know my people told them that I want to. I didn't want to ask directly because I don't want to say no. But I was like, look, I know you're open to me doing it at a club, which is cool. And I was like, no matter where we do it, it's going to be good.

I was like, but I'm going to do a special there. It's either going to be this one or it's going to be another one. But I'm going to do a special there. So here's the reasons why I think we should do it there. And then they were like, yeah, let's do it. Is it sold out already, Ari? Yeah, I got some extra tickets, though, but yeah. I just think it would be a nice thing for people.

I'm sorry, Ari. I didn't know. And I canceled the last one, so I can't cancel this one. If there was a way I could get out of it, I would a Halloween. We can give that night to somebody else and just come down and just watch the magic because that's what it's going to be. I understand. When I go, when I went back, it's changed me going back to the store.

Say what's happened? So you're sort of going up in rooms that don't know you and follow on killers and people that haven't gotten a shot yet and just want to prove it every night by fucking slang, by hitting on all cylinders every night. That's the company store. Fuck, all right, come here. That's the company store.

That's what makes a difference from the ha-ha and the flappers and all the other clubs. When you walk into the company store, you got to go in there with both cylinders cooking. Don't be talking about this before. Listen, in your life, you all have your own personal company store. It doesn't have to be a company club. It could be a place to work.

It could be a guitar place where you go play the guitar, the flute or whatever the fuck it is that you do. There's a place that means that much to you because you went in there with nothing. You went in there with nothing. You got baptized in there. So for you people, if you get a chance to see Ari anyway, this is just a beautiful time in your life.

One of the storytellers show, Ari, this is not happening. What are you here for? It was going to start January, I think. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to air my old special at the beginning of that. So the special? So the special, the old one? Yeah, and then this one at the end of it in March.

So they bought the one with chili? Uh-huh, chili. And who got the money? I got the money. Chil pretty much gave it back to my own a little bit of money, so I paid them off. So it was mine. So they're renting it.

That's a beautiful thing, Ari. You're a beautiful man. That's why this happened. Comedy is a fucking journey, just like anything else you're going to do. And I never thought that my journey would be highlighted by a podcast. You know, who would have fucking thought that this is what I was doing? Yeah, it's weird. It's about naming a thing.

And nobody prepared for this. When I got into comedy, Judy Carter in the book said nothing about it, and 10 years is going to be a podcast. I met the guy who did the power list of things you need to talk about to get a development deal. Remember that list? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, get to check out how many of these boxes can you check off?

The more it is, the higher quotient for a development deal. It was crazy. It was like, where are your parents? Where are they from? What kind of jobs do you have? Tell me about your friends. Tell me what your weirdest friend is. Do you have any brother with disability?

You're a sister with a disability. Oh, like joke promises? It was like, you got, if you talk about this, you go to Montreal, you'll get a deal. I met him. Okay, who made that list? Did he get a deal? He stands by it. No, no, it wasn't a comic.

It was like an agent or something. He stands by it. He's like, get off the way to get one. Wow. He's like, moneyball for comedy. Listen, man. But that place, it's, so like, they didn't have like, there was no spots.

You're like, oh, I have to follow this guy? But then you're like, Bobby Lee, fuck. But then you're like, where else are you going to go? That's easy. And there was no other spot. Freddie Soto, Sebastian. Sometimes somebody like that, like Sebastian would kill so hard. The next guy who's also a killer would have trouble.

Couldn't follow the wave. So like, Caparillo wouldn't do good. And then the guy who would follow Caparillo, since he didn't do good, would fucking crush. Brethren would crush so hard. So the guy after him, so you could see it. You're like, well, how am I far away am I? Am I in an upper or am I down?

You'll just keep going up and down each comic. And like, I think, fuck, I'm going to get to town. It's a fucking amazing thing down there, man. I'm happy I went back down there. Me too. I'm glad you're back there. No, I'm happy that you're going to get to shoot the special because it's going to help a lot of people just know

that there's an end to this. When you're showcasing for Mitzi the third time, you don't know if there's an end to this. Nobody knows. Nobody knows that feeling of, you know, in three hours. You can't, you want to kill it for the Mitzi. You're going to kill. You just don't know if they're going to take the ride with you.

You know, when you're killing, it's great. You want to fucking come all over yourself and rub it on your hands. But comedy is a beautiful thing. Life is a beautiful thing. And you can't prepare for this. I don't know what you did. You can't prepare for, you know, story telling. This is not happening.

Start in the back room at the improv. Which they don't even know. Yeah, you were there first episode. They don't have it anymore. They don't have it anymore. And this is where, so what you did is something that, you know, people are either going to start copying and doing, starting from scratch and believing in their product.

DIY, brah. They're not going to help you then fucking move forward. Do it yourself, I guess. And this is what this style of comedy has up, that we're doing all our own work. I woke up at 4.30 in the morning. I didn't start working. I stopped working till 7.

I was knee deep in emails and whatnot till 7, bro. That's it. That's part of my fucking job. And then after I washed my pussy and ate and she took it to the park, I wrote for a fucking hour. Then I had to go to no addition at 11. You know, this is, there's no schedule. There's no hours.

There's no Sabbath, you know. I get off that fucking plane on Sunday. I sleep at three hours. Once I eat dinner with my wife and with the family, that's it. I go back to work. I get to emails. I plot my week out, you know. I get up Monday.

It's amazing how hard you work. This is fucking work for you. People think that we just get on planes and you know, it's everything's great and people put you in first class where things were not trained at all to do any of this stuff. So it's just like trying to like, I don't know what garage. It's trial and fucking error, guys. I'm gonna open it and figure it out.

Life is trial and fucking error. If you're going to get anywhere with this fucking life, it's trial and error on your own. And you're going to have people around you. And it's like, what if you fail? It's like, yeah, you probably will. You probably will. So what?

So then go the next, just keep doing something. Making an attempt. Lee and I discussed this every couple of days about how people, you also have your eye on people. You're like, oh, he's doing this. I'll try it this way. You learn from other people by emulating. Our biggest, the way we learn is by emulating.

So you see, oh, I like that. But I'm going to do it this way and move my arm like that. Yeah. I hold the mic stand like Bobby Lee. Yeah. And then I morphed it from there. I just, listen, brother, I wish you the best. I know it's going to be a great special.

Thanks, man. No matter how hard you work. Thanks. You know, I love you. You know, I love the Jews. Yeah. You used to bring me up at open mic night. Yeah.

No, I don't. You would bring up all the employees with the fucking coaked out. And we'd look at the list. He would open and close his hand like that. It's just open and close. Just look at the list. You can't decide if he's going to go back in a material. We're all waiting.

Or read the next name. It might be like Dave Machinowitz, which his name is Dave Machevitz. Dave Machinowitz. Or he'd be like, no thing. These fucking people at the 7-Eleven. They try to get you. Don't get me.

Anyway, coming to the stage. But no, sometimes you go down there. You want a sausage. He knows. You just keep doing this while he's deciding. Hosting taught me a lot down there. Oh, hosting was the greatest. Nobody likes to host.

It was the greatest for three hours. Three hours of every three minutes. Up and down. Next, next, next. All those three-minute nights are the worst. Because you can't really do anything. You just have to sit there and watch. What do you got tomorrow, cocksucker?

I got you. And then Josh Wolf. And where are you going tonight to eat? I'm going to try to go home. I have some turkey at home, if I want to eat. What kind of turkey? Mesquite, like one of those ones that's roasted in a weird way. You got to put it on a honey-week bread.

What kind of bread? No, I have whole wheat. Whole wheat. Whole wheat. I have a brown mustard. That's it. All right. And where are you this weekend, my brother?

San Diego, California. Oh, at the American Comedy Company. American Comedy Company. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, San Diego. Yeah. I will be at the Joke Factory this weekend in Baltimore, Maryland. Bring your bulletproof vest the following week.

I might. That's my first two shows there. Yeah. My first two shows I ever went to, I went there. At the Joke Factory. At the Comedy Factory out. That's what it is. And we saw a fucking MC.

And he was the same joke the second time, and I felt betrayed. I was like, who are we told this one? I know the joke, too. What is it? They got that penis and larger cream. It's supposed to rub it all over your penis. Well, my hand is fucking huge now.

Oh, Jesus. Wouldn't your hand get bigger? Yeah. So the Joke Factory this Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Next week I'm at the Home Field Sports Bar and Grill in Miami. And the week after that, the 29th, I met the Ice House. We walked out. There were people in the audience

that were got racist from fucking Pikesville people. And there was a black comic on stage during the second time. And Kate Hicks was like, they kept fucking saying semi-racist shit at him. And he kept coming back while we liked him. He was doing good. And they kept saying, and then eventually we were like, all right.

And Kate was like, you want to get out of here? I was like, yeah, we left in protest the people in the audience, the racist people from Pikesville. You're a beautiful man. I forgot about that. All you're thinking about is the comedy store, good stuff from the Joke Factory. Let's do this.

Let's go smoke this fucking joint. Oh, no. We'll be back tomorrow night, 8 o'clock. Same back time. Same back channel. Ari Shafir, I love you. Flying Jew, I love you. Read out these on it.

Hulu Plus, Hiddie Sings, and Dollar Shave Club. Read these motherfuckers out. And let these people know what's crack or lackin'. And you have a podcast. You have two podcasts. I have a podcast called Punch Truck Sports Podcast, which will eventually get you on Tuesdays at noon to 2 Pacific.

Call in. And then I have Ari Shafir, a skeptic tank, which my other podcast is just me. But the more funny, fun one is the sports one. Punch Truck Sports. And the more serious one, yeah, is the skeptic tank. All right, guys. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up

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They have cigars and e-cigarettes. Use Cobra Church Church to get 20% off. I need some get back. Pay back. Pay back. That is pay back. Again. I'm mad to get down with my girlfriend.

That ain't right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Humgemia, taking chains, yes, you did, told me you'd had it, all the dance, be handed down, that's it bank, Well, now you're pot, you're gotta get ready, thought a big payback, to be a paycheck, that's where I am, wow, I'm gonna be became same, to be a paycheck, I'm gonna be became same baby, yeah, you know what You can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it- you can do it, you can do it- yeah yeah yeah you can do it thanks Yeah hey hey Long Oh

You took my money You got my honey Don't want me to see What you're doing to me Get back I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, hey, let me tell you, get down, look at my woman, that ain't right, you are in custody, you want to fight, look at her, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, hey, let me tell you, get down, look at my woman, that ain't right, you are in custody, you want to fight, look at her, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, hey, let me tell you, get down, look at my woman, that ain't right, you are in custody, you want to fight, look at her, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I've got to deal with you, I have got to deal with you, have got to deal with you, you want to fight with her, you don't need to deal with him, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, as you mix and mix.

Hey, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a son of a man, but don't take care of your little pumpkin. Get ready for the big payback. Hey, hit me again. Hey, get ready. I need it, I need it. Hit me again. Same one, same one, same one, you're the best. Hey, get ready for the big payback. She told me I took your chain. She said my woman had an oiler ring. She tried to make a deal. She wanted to squeal. But I had my voice on her heels. I saw her when she come in, she told a lie. She broke down and she wanted to drive. I don't care what she does. She won't be doing just like she was. Take those kids and raise them up.

Somehow they got a right to talk to her. Take her, take that woman. One place she found. Just run that mother out of town. Make her get up, make her get up, get up, make her get up, make her get up, get up. I'm mad. I want revenge. I want revenge, my big payback. My patient wins. On revenge. My patient wins. On revenge. I want revenge. I want revenge. Can I get some hits? I need those hits. I need those hits. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me