Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #223 - Joey Diaz, Nicholas Turturro and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 21, 2014

Nicholas Turturro, Actor in the Longest Yard and NYPD Blue, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  Your're The One For Me - D-Train I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Your're The One For Me - D-Train Recorded on 10/20/2014

This show is sponsored by DollarShaveClub.com. Get a high quality razor scented door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com slash church. That's DollarShaveClub.com slash church. Or just go to joeds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And if you go right now Dollar Shave Club is giving away a bottle of their Dr. Carver Shave Butter with every order. The show is also sponsored by Anna.com. What's so funny? Dr. Carver Shave Butter, you rub it on your nuts and you shave your fucking little gringos. For people that don't know, he gave an edible about 30 minutes ago, an hour ago. I'm going deep, alright. The show is also sponsored by Anna.com. Go there to get any of their great

products. Alpha Brain, New Mood, TrumTech, Immune, TrumTechSport. Use code word church to get 10% off. And lastly, the show is sponsored by HitESigs.com. That's Hit. The letter ESigs.com. Better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape. They have E-cigarettes and E-cigars for you. A bunch of different levels of nicotine, different flavors for the cigarettes. Use code word joey's church to get 20% off. Oh, that's the wrong version. Stop that. Stop that stuff. Go back to detrain. I did. You're the one for me, the one in the top. Come on, let's go. That's the name of that. It's slipping. That's the fucking instrumental. Like this is Superfly or something and black people have strep throat. It ain't that. Okay. Let's go. You're fucking up. This is

detrain from the jump here. You're slipping already. It's Monday night. Here we go, people. Kick this motherfucker. Oh shit. Monday, October 21st. The devil was fucked in the fucking asshole today. 2000 years ago by St. Michael. Oh shit. This is as deep as it fucking gets. You little miserable fucks. The church of what's happening. Yeah. Lee Syed, Nick Dutoura. What the fuck? Let's rock this motherfucker. Kick it, Lee. Yeah. Oh shit. It's Monday night up in the valley, motherfuckers. Nick Dutoura in the house. Yeah. Rockin' it. Stone. To the motherfucking guild. Come on. I'm showin'. I broke my feet. My knee feels good. It's a fucking beautiful fucking day to be alive, cocktuckers. Mad flavor

here. Nick Dutoura. Lee Boogaloo. Where's the fucking Syed? Syed. How you guys doing? Thank you for coming into the church. I'm sorry I'm a little late tonight. Things fucking happen. This is LA. There's traffic, immigration's out there. What happened to the Mexican kids on the buses? They stopped coming up. No, they didn't. Nobody talks about them no more. They're the ones that are transporting the fucking heroin and the H and breakin' bad. Where you been all weekend, cock sucked a plane, family feud again with the house? Yeah. Yeah. I went to a dumping place in Korea Town, which was fun. And then I went and saw Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was fucking terrible. I had never been. I had never been and I went over in LA and I don't know if it's the same

everywhere, but they had actors doing it and there were people there who had seen it a hundred times and people raised their hand. But the one thing I would say is if you're a single guy, there's a lot of half-naked girls there and they make out before the show on stage. So if you were a single guy, don't go to the show but just like hang out at like three in the morning. Because there are a lot of fucking victims there. Oh god. For love, they probably got Chlamydia. Yeah. All right, Joe. How are you feeling, buddy? The glasses, they look good. I can't see without them. Jesus Christ. Is that fucking amazing? That one day you could see signs, people like, how good is your eye vision? You know, a week later, you can't see. You're going to a restaurant,

you forget your glasses. How fucking upset. I screwed. You screwed. Because I got a stigma. I got the distance and the reading. Like even like a script, I got to have my glasses. I got to check the sides or a script. I'm like, I'm panicked. My dad just got that laser thing. He says it's great. He says he's 20, 20 vision again. Yeah, but you got to be a candidate for that. I just blew two auditions without my glasses. One that I just, like this year, probably three. Yeah, like that. Last year, probably three. Oh, this year, I did one blue bloods and they asked me, they said, I think somebody didn't like my glasses and they said, can you do it without the glasses? And I said, well, if the guy gets close enough, you know, maybe he won't be that blurry

to me. So I'll try it. I'll try it. But I don't like contacts. I put them in my eyes and I went, I just don't feel comfortable in my eyes. You know, I couldn't even get them in my eyes because my eyes were too dry. It's amazing. Those people, I just put them in and shit, twisting your eye. When I was a kid, I was, I always wanted to get them. But my eyesight was so good. The fucking doctor wouldn't give them to me. Now they're asking me if I want to put one in one. Yeah, just for auditions, like just put one in one. My dad had cataracts at like 40. He went blind, both eyes. And then he had to have the hard lenses. My mother used to put them in. And then when he took them out at night, my mother would take them out. And then he would put on

these Cyclops glasses. They looked like for a blind person. But when they had a big fight, a big argument, my mother wouldn't touch his eyes. And he used to get in front of this mirror. He was kind of a scary guy. He had a big face and he would put his eyes, he looked in the mirror and he's looking at his eyeball and he go, Nicholas, Nicholas, can you see it? I don't want to touch his eye. I wouldn't touch his eye with a 10 foot pole. I go, no, no, dad, I don't, I don't see shit. I'm like, no way was I going to touch this man's eye because only person I could touch his eyes was my mother. And it was hilarious because he'd be looking in the mirror like this, you know, his eyeball looks big and he's scary looking. I'm like, I'm not going to touch this man away.

It's fucking crazy what you have to do. Is it a big thing at auditions not to go with glasses? Because for someone I've never been in anything and I would think, oh, if you need it at the read through, yeah, but when you memorize it, it'll be fine. And is it a big deal? Now I'm learning that I should put them on excuse myself and explain to them that if I booked a part of your book, that's what I'm going to do from now on. Right. But just for security purposes, just so this could go smooth. Because I just blew one. I just blew a fucking audition for whatever the fuck it was. What was it? Bones? Bones? And what? You didn't wear the glasses? Yeah. And I thought I knew the material. But once I went in, there's some

instances that if there's a lot of lighting in the room, I got this. But if there's no one. But if you're not off book, you know, you've got to have the glasses there at least put them on and off. I'll have. Yeah. But you know, the fucking with the character issue, I went for one for Disney for an old guy. The epitome was there. And I blew that one without the glasses. I made a joke. But you know, right? It just it's smoother when you have the glasses off. And you know what? But sometimes you pick up an audition, you read it 10 million fucking times, and you're still going there and don't know it all of a sudden, you know, when you book a role, when you audition, you go with a piece of paper, then they usually call you this is in the old days. Yeah, right.

You went to a pre read. How are you doing, Nick? What's going on? What have you been doing all your life? Nothing jerking off. Okay, read that piece of paper, come back today at 11. Then you went back at 11, there was a person in the room with a camera and you did it again. Then they said to you already come back Wednesday, you went back Wednesday. And now there was 18 motherfuckers in the room. And you read that. Now, if you now when you went in there, you were off book, but you had it in your hand, but you were off book, you were going to fucking producers. You were off book. You know, you had to fucking throw your hands up and get excited. You still have it in there just to guide you, but you're off book. Then once you book it,

the beauty of it is you rehearse while you're blocking. And that's when I learned it. I don't learn it before that. Once I'm there and the ball's ready to go. And I know there's a check in the mail. All of a sudden it just comes to me. Once I do that paperwork, all of a sudden my memory fucking works. It's amazing what happens to your fucking memories. You don't even go in knowing, you know, heart to heart and really, huh? Sometimes they're just looking, you know, somebody once told me, think about Marlon Brando and the Godfather. He was looking at the dude stickers when he made that speech. Yeah. Even if he didn't catch the sticker, he would have came up with a word, but his character was still been who he was.

So that's how I play it sometimes. Even if I don't know that line, I'll say something that this dumb fuck would say. I call him a dumb fuck because I'm not reading to be no scientist. I'm not going to Mars. You know what I'm saying? Luigi Santalerma was not going to Mars, not this fucking year. Why is it different memorizing a full hour of stand up? You know what memorize? You do a little bit different every time, but like, is it a five minute scene harder than an hour of stand up? Like, because it seems like it would be, you know, when you have stand up, it's the words that you wrote. Okay. When you have acting, it's the words somebody else wrote. And sometimes you're reading and going, I don't fucking know what this guy's talking about. I have no fucking

idea. Listen, when I did NYPD blue, this guy, David Milt, used to write some odd dialogue that it was hard just to even say it. That's funny. Because when I read for that horse show, the dialogue was fucking just absurd. So you know how I got through it? I just figured a way how to say it. And if I said it, I figured eventually I'd figure out what I'm saying, and I would get it. And then I would find a way to, I still never know what I was entirely saying, but the fact that I came out of my mouth and I was able to say it was a big deal. And a lot of people came up to me years ago and say, Hey, Nick, you know, you have some really odd dialogue. You ever feel that way? Oh yeah, all the time, because he writes kind of like really weird.

I don't know if he writes it on purpose that way, but he says things in a roundabout and a backwards way that you don't really know what the fuck he's saying half the time. It was good dialogue when you nailed it. But he wanted, said it, said it, you know, verbatim word for word. The script person will come up to you on that show and say, Nicky, you forgot if you work so hard to say something so difficult. And then they come in with a word here and there and you'd go, Son of a bitch, don't tell me that now. I got it. I nailed it. You know, but when you did get it, it was, it was satisfying. And it was good writing, but it wasn't always the most natural. It wasn't very organic. It was very unnatural, very, very weird, even more weird than even like, you know,

David Mamet. If you ever read David Mamet, it's, it's very stylized, you know, it's not the way normal people talk. It's just a, it's a style, but Milch is definitely some odd dialogue. And I think he got even weird over because I read that one pilot and I couldn't understand it. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. I didn't understand it. I read for the security even when I saw the show a lot of times. I didn't, I didn't get the show. I didn't know what they were saying. NYPD blew. It wasn't that crazy, but there was some weird stuff on, on, and that was a great show. But NYPD blew. I was looking at watching something last Tuesday night and I went into a drip zone and the guy's name is Jimmy fucking Smith's. I walked into a bar 30 years ago

on a Sunday night and a pilot was on for the show called Miami Vice and he gets blown up in the beginning. I forgot his face. I had seen him before on something, but I never forgot his fucking face. It was at the Puerto Rican guy from Sanford and Son. He played every Puerto Rican on every network for 10 years. You know who I'm talking about? Julio. And then Jimmy Smith came. As soon as I heard him talk, I knew he was either Puerto Rican or Cuban and they blow him up. Then I don't know what else he popped in on. LA Law. LA Law. Before NYPD blew. Oh yeah. He was a regular on LA Law. That's right. He was a regular and he, I think he, I don't know if he was nominated or he won an Emmy, but he, you know, he did, did a bunch of years on LA Law and then he left LA Law to pursue.

He had some movie shots, but he did a few years. He didn't like leave right away. And he had a good reputation with botch going all those guys. And then he had some movie shots. Me familiar. Tremendous movie. He was really good at it. Really good in that. That's one of my all time fucking favorites. And you know, it's a movie about Mexicans and they're all Puerto Rican. Yeah. Jennifer Lopez dies in the beginning. Jimmy Smith, somebody else is Puerto Rican. Fucking great movie. He's a good guy too. He's a really good guy. He's often to him in a concert one sat next to him and he got up. I said to him, I know your cousin in the Bronx. I used to run numbers. His guy came up to your door when you go to LA, look up my cousin and she had Tito.

Everybody's Hector. He's a good dude. And he offered me a beer and he got me a beer. I was on a date and now he's on fuck. Then he was on Dexter. Now he's on son's anarchy and he's fucking. He walked away from NYPD Blue. Let me tell you something. That guy's got integrity. He walked away from a lot of money. I mean, he could have milked that in the lady. He was there for a lot of years and he came into the trail and he told, you know, I'm leaving. This is my last year on my last, you know, and he was really just such a great guy. That was the reason for his leaving. I think he didn't like the way the show was going and it wasn't scripts weren't being written. It was really difficult for those guys because they had to wait. Milch would be laying on his

back like writing dialogue and had to wait for all the dialogue to come down with those scripts. And he just, when you're a lead on that, you got to have time to prepare. You got to have scripts. He couldn't continue working that way. He just couldn't. I guess he couldn't do it no more. And, you know, Dennis Franz, you know, he went the full distance. That was the first time I started watching that show. The year he died or the year before. That was a great episode. That made me cry. Me too. That made me cry. I remember going, I had a spot at the store and I remember living in the valley right here on right fucking here, three, four blocks away by the fish place. Yeah. Right down the block. I lived right there and I was like holding on.

That was the only show I was watching because I always auditioned for it. Did they ever use you? They used me. Finally Ricky Schroeder. When Ricky was there? First year Ricky Schroeder. The other guy was still there. The cop from New York, whatever his name is. He arrest me, put the cops on me. Who? Which cop? The fucking guy, that ugly dude that made a living on the show that everybody loved because he was a prick. There was only one of those. There was Jimmy Smith, the Red Devil, you and another chunky fucking cop that was mean on the show to everybody. Oh, Dennis Franz? Yeah. A Sippowitz? Yeah, Sippowitz. Yeah. So you were arrested by Sippowitz?

Sippowitz and Sippowitz and... He's a good guy, Dennis Franz. Ricky Schroeder in a pool hall downtown we shot. Yeah. But I had gone in one of my first reach ever in this town. How I booked basketball was I went in for a nine page, like listen guys, I just got here. I just got here. I just got here in January and it's April and I know nothing about acting. Guys, nothing. I know how to get on stage. I know nothing. The movies I watch, that's it. And I sign with the manager and he goes, listen, you know, I got to send you out for a distance because I can't make a living on 50 bucks. At the time I was making 500 a week on the road for a whole fucking week and that's with a plane ticket. Like you got to get a plane ticket

and you can balance. You kept and you still had to pay the guy 50 fucking bucks. And he's like, I can't make a living. I'm going to start sending you out for a distance. So he sent me out for something like... What do you call those things when a company does a trailer for their fucking employees? An industrial. An industrial. And I didn't get it, but I got a call back and he goes, you know, you're on to something. He goes, my client's never... Fucking industrial. They don't have lines. You just pick up a box. You pick up a fucking box. That's what you're supposed to do. And then they called me back in. They had a mix and match and all this was like 300 dollars. But to me, I would just want to book the thing. Then he calls me and he goes, hey,

you're going in for NYPD blue. Julio, heck the something. I get to the fucking audition. I walk in. Who's the first guy in the room? Machete. I lose it. I just almost shit my pants. Like I almost ripped up the fucking scenes and left like that. Yeah. The fucking Mexican. Who? Trejo. He's the first guy in the room when I walk in. Oh, that guy. He was on the show. Yeah. No shit. He's the first guy in the room. I was one of his first jobs, I think. Yeah. He's the first guy in the room. You know who's first job. Now he's a big shot movie actor, this kid, this Mexican kid. He's in every fucking movie out there. And I'm friends with him. I don't know, but I'm like, does he got to be in every movie? Pena. Michael Payne. His first... Because he came up

to me when we were doing World Trade Center. He was like, yeah, man, you know, first job. I remember you were nice to me. I said, yeah, damn straight. Now he's like, you know, he's one of the Mexican Hispanic guys, whatever. But I mean, everybody, you know, the guys, and that was his first job. We had so many great actors that were on that show. I like the chick. I just bumped into her ex-husband at a thing and he's old. Oh, I worked with him. I worked with the ex-husband. The one that's the Italian guy that's been around town. He was the original Don Johnson. And then they came and they fired them when they hired Don Johnson for Miami Vice. The chick that was married to fucking the Puerto Rican on the show, the Jimmy Smiths. Oh, you mean the kid Delaney? Delaney,

who's her husband? Joey Cortez. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, Joey Cortez, crazy guy. I love Joey. I love he's got that. We did a fucking movie in, we do a movie in a place called Ossoyos. It was in the borderline of eastern Washington and Canada. And we were, we were, it was 2000. The subway series. I was going crazy. But it was before the subway. So it was the Yankees were playing the Mariners. And I was going out of my mind. I couldn't watch the freaking game. Joey goes, let's go bang on some doors. I go, we're in the, you know, the sticks over here. What doors? He knocked on the guy's door. He goes, we're actors here. You think we could watch a little bit of the Yankee, Marin again? I said, Joey, you're out of your fucking mind. This guy looked like he had dead

bodies in the basement and he had a dog that was a wolf dog. The dog was a boy who was sniffing my balls. And I said, Joey, I think we're going to have to leave because Joey goes, Hey, is that a wolf? And the guy goes, Yeah, because this is my daughter. I thought it was like this, you know, there's something weird. We better get out of here, Joey. And he was like, Yeah, I think you're right. It was kind of weird. I go, I know, I'll be knocking on the door. He was a riot. He was a riot. Because I remember when he first, she said things about him. Then when I met him, he was like, I thought you said some shit about me. I said, I don't know. She said, you were a fucking nut. What do you want from me? She's a nut. You're a nut. But I liked him anyway. I liked him. I

thought he was a lot of fun. I liked him. I did a movie with him up in. Where'd you work with him? Sacramento. We had to do a racetrack scene. Yeah. Just this God, you want me to tell you something? The movie wasn't bad. And you want me to tell you something else? Not a bad actor. This was one of the lessons I learned. This was a kid from Jersey who was a recurring and then my PD blew like an extra. He was one of the patrol cops. Okay, he was. I am the beat him. He did like eight episodes or something. He was a patrol cop, like a kind of uniform. You're not talking about Billy Contra. Yeah. No, Billy's like a legendary stand in whatever. And he had a hot girlfriend that was she had a manager that was only had her and fade down the way. Like this chick was the next thing.

Yeah. And and this actor, this other dude who I bump into every three years, he was in for a flamingo kid. He hung out. He was the sidekick to my brother was in that. My brother was like putting an ash and Matt Dillon shirt is on. That is one of the funniest movies. Funny little movie. Oh my God. We're fucking. Oh my God. Who was he in the flamingo kid? He's the one that would hang out with Matt Dillon. Matt. That movie's got like three great lines when Matt Dillon goes, where are we going from? We're going up to the island to play cards. Well, you got to fix me with some bimbo. He goes, no, these have been bets. You know, who's in that movie? The barbarian brothers. They play the lifeguards. The two muscle builders. They throw Matt Dillon

into the fucking water. Oh, it's a tremendous movie. It's about Matt Dillon is in Brooklyn with Hector Elizondo as his father. He got the chubby sister and the mother and he takes a summer job up in the island. They play cards with the Richard Crenna, Richard Crenna, Rambo's boss. Fucking pregnant. He cheats and he has the heart attack. The fat guy that puts the cards in the stomach. Good little movie. Hector Elizondo is good. Yesterday afternoon, I get off a fucking plan. I'm tired. The baby's asleep in 10 minutes. I'm sitting there with the electrodes on my knee. And I'm like, I got to take a fucking nap. But let me just scroll through what's going on. And I scroll through and my movie's on and it just started. Which one? Grudge match? To live

and die in LA. And I put it on. It's your brother in this jail cell talking to William Peterson. William DeFault. Oh, William DeFault. William DeFault is coming to visit him. Oh, that's a good scene. My God. I don't know how many times I've talked spoken about this movie. Any podcast I do and it's about movie. That's one of my all time favorite. And it's about a subject that they don't even talk about counterfeiting. They've never made another movie about counterfeiting, have they? Not much. They won't. They won't. I guarantee the feds like, listen, no more counterfeit movies. You walk on the thread there, dog. That's a tight issue. It's like Harry in your pocket. It's a movie about big puppets. Which one? To live and die in LA?

Early, bro. I seen that in Boulder as a fucking 20 year old and my mind blew out. I was like, fucking, this is a man. Till this day, this till this day, I stole your brother's line, that movie. Don't forget about me. Don't forget. Don't forget about me. I promise not to come in your mouth. It checks in the mail and I promise not to come in your mouth. Fucking tremendous movie. What is he drinking? Pepto? He goes, yeah, give me this pink cement or some shit. Oh my god. He's really good in the movie. And then Peterson gets him in the end when he's with his fucking girlfriend after he escapes. He beats Peterson. Fucking great. The whole movie, the foe, the chick. The chick is Mickey Rourke's wife. Was it Mickey Rourke's wife? Yeah. The

chick that the foe's fucking is Mickey Rourke's wife. Who, the blonde chick? The blonde chick? The blonde chick. Remember, there was a brunette that were lesbians. They were lesbians. The foe was fucking lesbians. He was grating at the foe. The foe was burning shit and shooting people. They shot the dude in the fucking face. When he goes in the room with the black guy, and he's like, I need my paper back. He goes, I need my paper back now. The guy goes, the guy goes, get out of my crib. Get the fuck out of my crib. The guy goes, and the foe is like, goes, man. He does a number on him. Tremendous. Yeah. He's burning all the money because no good to me now. He's sitting in naked and he's burning the money. It's a dark fucking movie. It is a

dark movie. Dark, dark. Because LA is dark. It kind of nailed LA. It was one of the movies that didn't make LA look so everything Beverly Hills. That came on 85 or 84. My dad was still alive. We went to the theater. We got all excited. We never saw John on the big screen. My dad was yelling when he was running 20 years. Go, John, go. He was fucking yelling. We were like, yeah, go, man. To my father, man, he could fucking run. He, look at him run, Nicholas. I go, yeah, he's running, man. Because we had never really saw him in a movie, a big movie. So this was like a big deal to see him, man. When he ran through the airport, we got, we got revved up. We were yelling. We were, you know, we were like, we got caught up in the hysterica. Come on, Johnny. Yeah. Because we were

like that. You know, we would, we would express ourselves. My father was like, you know, we couldn't believe when, when we saw that we were like, wow, this is great. Look at Johnny run. Look at him run through the airport. Look at big John go, Nicholas. I go, yeah, yeah, look at him go, man. He's, he's hot. Yeah, it was funny, man. You had to see my, my dad was one of these guys that was like unconsciously funny. Didn't even know it. He was so naked. You know, even John's wife recently said to me, you know, I really miss your father. She said, man, yeah, I really wish I would have got to know him. He was fascinating. I go, I know he was, he was like, you know, he didn't know, he wasn't trying to be funny. He just, he was what he was. I mean, he's, he's actually even funny

in my brother. My brother is really serious. He was serious, but he doesn't even know how funny he was. He was just so funny. This guy, my, my, you know, he was just, I don't know, it's hard to describe. Both of you are funny, but you get that. Yeah. But this guy, you're both hilarious. I mean, he's hilarious and do the right thing. And then you're both hilarious. If you were her to say goodbye on the phone, you'd be in your pants. It's like this. All right. All right. So I'll see you later. All right. All right, John. All right. Goodbye, John. All right. Bye-bye, Nick. All right. It was great. Great talking. All right. Bye-bye. All right. Talk to you later. Take care. All right. Take care. All right. Take it easy. Bye-bye.

Bye. All right. I'll see you. All right. Check in. Bye. I love you. Bye. I mean, this is, it goes on and on. It's crazy. It's crazy. I mean, the repetition that goes on, on and on and on and on. I mean, he'll tell me, you know, you never, you never listen to me. You never listen to me. I told you to lose some weight. If you lost some weight, you'd have a better career. You got a good face. You're handsome. Girls like you, but you're not in shape. You got to get in shape. You got to get in better. You want me to help you? You want me to help you? Yeah, I'll help you. I'll, then you got to help me. Then you got to help me. I got to help you. Yeah. Yeah. You got to lose some weight. You got a little, I'm like, all right, you know, I'm not a big, I'm not a big fat guy. I'm not a

skinny guy. So you can't fall somewhere in the middle. You know, I mean, he's always like, you know, I see you walk up the stairs. I'm in his brownstone. I see you breathing hard. I see, I say, yeah, they're high stairs, John. I go, they're high. I got to walk them. I'm out of breath, Megan. You're out of breath. You're out of shape. You're out of shape. How much you weigh? I go, 185. I'm 180 man. I'm 6'1. I'm 180. You're 5'8. You're 185. You're carrying too much weight. I told you, you had too much. Like, I'm like, I'm 2,000 pounds. I'm not that fat. I do have a stomach. I got to get rid of the stomach. It has hurt me. I realized in this business, I always thought more acting, you know, would be, you know, could supersede, you know, but you know what, the people

look at you. They look at you. It's different if you're a big, big, heavy guy. It works for those guys. Maybe I wanted to be a big, big, heavy guy, but I never got to be that big. I mean, even Salem one time when I lost weight and Chuck and Larry goes, what are you losing weight for? Salem was like, I like it. I like it with the weight, you know, because I was doing Bruce here. I was a little heavier. And I did Chuck and Larry. I lost some weight. I was doing the Fit Club, but I was the skinny guy in the Fit Club. I was the skinny guy. I went from 177 to 153. I was like in fighting shape. I don't even do that show no more. No, I don't know. I do it. I had a good time, but I had a good time. I got paid and I worked very hard. I worked very hard, but I didn't

keep it up. I didn't keep it up after, you know, after I did it, but I have a lot of fun on it. Well, it was great when you're on the show. They sent the car for you. They sent me food, I had all trainers. I was boxing. I used to get up every couple of weeks, get on the scale, weigh myself in. I was with Fat Vinnie Pastore. You know, these other guys were all lazy, all the fat people. They were lazy. You know, I worked very hard and I was a skinny guy. I mean, I was a skinny guy for the celebrity Fit Club. By the end of it, I got, you know, I got something out of it. I just wish I would have stayed with it because I was very, you know, I was getting paid. So I didn't, and I liked, I liked, you know, I liked competing. I was competing against the guy from the Love

Boat, Isaac. Yeah, me and him were going at it. We were always going at it, man, you know, trying to beat each other in this competition. That was a good time. How were you when you got the acting bud? You know, when I first got real serious about it was when I met Spike, like in the late 80s, like 89, 88, 89. How'd you meet Spike? You were a doorman at the time. I was a doorman. I was a doorman. And then, and then I had, were you union? Yeah, I was union, local 144.

No shit. Yeah. Not 32B, 144. How long were you a doorman? 10 years. Same of it's on the park. Central Park South and 59th. And the union sends you there? No, the union. I got the job on my own. Okay. I got the job because I worked as a bellhop in another hotel years ago. And then I was going to college and I was disenchanted with college at the time. I wanted to get back into the hotel

because I knew I could make cash because I was a bellhop one summer. And my brother was like, you're not going to stay with this job, are you? I was like, I was digging the cash because I had, you know, I was making green. And plus I had a salary and cash. And I always wanted to get another job again. So the guy that hired me, my father was there in construction. His name was Flaherty, Mark Flaherty. He was a red cherry Irish guy who was really pegged to a close.

And he went from the Holly Hotel to the St. Moritz. I was trying to track him down. So I called his office one day and he goes, who is this? They said, I said, it's Nick Tuturo. And I said, I know it's my father's work for him. He knew my father. They said, what company are you from? And I said, Morse Diesel.

That was my father's company. So Mr. Flaherty got on the phone. He goes, hello, Nick, how are you? And I said, okay, Mark, how are you? I just lowered my voice. I said, how are you doing? You know, good, good. And I tried to talk about construction.

I said, do you remember my son who worked for you over at the? He goes, oh yeah. He said, he's out there looking for a job. You know, maybe you go send him over. So my father came home. I said, dad, I called up Flaherty because you did. What'd you say? I said, I was you.

You did, son of a bitch. What'd he say? I said, come down. So the next day I went down there and there was a bell captain there that used to hire everybody. He was there for like 40 years. So he thought he was like God, like who the fuck did I know? I went over his head and the guy Flaherty basically told him,

you got to hire this kid. You got to hire this kid, you know? So I went in there as like a relief doorman, two days a week. And so I used to work like a couple of days on the weekend. And then the other guy who was a fuck up this other doorman, Brian, he got canned one time. So I said, I'm the next doorman in line, right? The guy who was the union guy, Al goes, yeah, it's your job.

And this guy, Donald, didn't want to give it to me. He goes, I don't know. He was a Yugoslavian. That's how he taught. I don't know. I don't know if you're going to get it. I said, oh, no, Donald. Donald, I said, I'm the next guy.

I said, I don't know. I said, Donald, I'm the next guy. You hear what I'm saying? I said, Al, am I entitled to that job? Because damn straight, Al had a mumble, one of those mustaches, handlebar mustaches. So Al said, it's your job if you want it. So I took the job from fucking Brian and I got stuck there.

And I became like this, you know, I was out there and I was hailing calves, meat and chicks. And I was, I was wild. I was all over the street, you know? And I was like, I was the third doorman. Then I worked my way up to the second doorman. But I had quite a following over there. And then when the acting gig hit, like in the late 80s,

I started after I met Spike and then Spike put me in a movie after this extra thing and his voice over thing I did for him and do the right thing. I did all this screaming racial obscenities. And then he put me in a movie. Yeah, that's how I got the job. Because he called me up one day and said, do you want a loop? And I said, yeah, I'll loop.

I didn't know what looping was. So he brought me in to scream racial obscenities. That's how my career started, which wasn't hard for me. So, you know, I went really, I went really out there. You know, I said every, Spike loved it. And then Spike said, you could say whatever you want. I don't care. You know what I mean?

So my voice was all over the end when they burning the pizzeria down. And I heard my voice, you know, get that gorilla in this head. You know, whatever I was saying, you son of a bitch. You know, was, you know, hose him. I can't say the word. It's terrible. But Spike loved it.

And then he gave me a part and more better blues. And my brother said, this guy really likes you. You know, and I have taken some acting classes. I didn't fit. I was a theater major years ago at a Delphi. And I didn't like it because I was running around in tights. I felt kind of fruity. And I wasn't, you know, I wasn't into that stuff.

My nut is stuck. Sometimes you get stuck and you can't work it out. Yeah. You'll find the people watching on YouTube. But then, you know, I started getting serious about it. After more better than Spike said, yo, man, I got another one coming up this time. You're going to be like Joey Farmer.

You know, so I was really dead. I was starting to work at it. And I said, maybe I can do this. After more better, I had some confidence in Jungle Fever. He gave me time to prepare. And I really like, I was really like in the zone when we were doing Jungle Fever. Even my brother goes, man, you were like an animal.

We're doing this movie. And I was preparing and we were rehearsing. We were writing all our shit and improvising. Spike was like, you know, really like, you know, I was starting to like really come into starting to feel it when I was doing Jungle Fever. So after Jungle Fever, I felt like, you know what? I can do this.

I love Jungle Fever. There's some good shit in it. There's some good shit, man. You guys tortured your brother when you tortured him. We did. You know, you could have made a movie about that candy store, that neighborhood. That could even be a sick.

That could even be a show today. Even my brother agrees, like a guy who's trapped in one of those neighborhoods, because the mentality in those neighborhoods is so moronic and backwards. Those guys, you know, they're idiots. They're moronic. They don't know it.

But you know, Frankie Bots, this guy, that guy, you know. I came from that central. I came from that central. And the guy goes, you know, Polarabdo? Who's Polarabdo? He's got big tits. He goes, you know, he doesn't know. And I'm like, you know, and there was something

about that whole part of the movie that I think we could have really, we could have done something. You could still do something today on cable about it. No one's ever done a show like that. A boy with a pizza rear and the kids are locked in the pizza. They're stuck there. And the father is, you know, I mean, whatever the world is, there's something about that.

You know, all those other stories were a little bit, they got a little muddled. But I do like the stuff that we did. I thought all stuff in the candy store really resonated. I mean, we felt like we were in a zone, man. We were, we had like our own little movie. Like when I look at that movie, I look at that because those scenes and I go, that's like a different movie, you know,

than the other stuff. Sam Jackson was great. Of course, he did great with the whole crack thing and stuff like that. And we had Jungle Fear. All the tying guys were chasing the black girls. It was great. I was so into being like African when I was doing that movie.

I was wearing the 40 acres jackets and, and the rap parties and the whole 40 acres and a mule. It was great. We used to watch dailies. This is going with Spike, we'll let us watch dailies. And I loved it. I mean, like when the one kid watched himself and he got all self-conscious as a tying kid.

He was like, he was like, he was doing something with his neck the next day. I go, what are you doing? I don't know. I don't like what I saw up there. I go, you're fine. I go, take it easy. Don't get so self-conscious, you know?

Some actors shouldn't watch themselves because they get freaked out. They look at themselves and they don't, you know, they're so in their head. But we had a good time doing that. Well, we really had a lot of fun. We worked hard. It's amazing when I watched the comedy

store scene. I was very, when I first watched Do The Right Thing, I had been in Colorado maybe six years. I hadn't done prison yet. I hadn't been in prison yet. But I was missing New York. You don't know what it's like, you know? What I gave up, yeah, I was people looking for me and I

was like, almost went to jail, almost got killed. But in my bones, I missed New York. And I was taking a psychology class. I had to take a sociology class to get into the University of Colorado as a transfer and the guys, that was his assignment, to watch Do The Right Thing. And I'm like, I don't want to watch this shit. I don't want to watch this shit, you know?

And I watched it the first time I watched Do The Right Thing. I must have watched it three times in a row. And crying, tears. Tears of laughter and tears of, I've been there. I've been there, just stepping on your sneakers. You don't know how proud I was when I got here years later, and I got to meet Martin Lawrence and the guy who,

you know, tall guy. I met all those fucking people, you know? Yeah. And I talked, the one guy used to be around, and I can't remember what his name is now, but it was, oh, and we did the move with the guy from Boston. I did a move with that fucking dude from... Who?

The deer hunter. Oh, oh, Savage. Savage? Yeah, Savage. John Savage? John Savage. He comes down the stairs. Oh, yeah, he plays the Larry Bird thing.

The Larry Bird thing. It's fucking amazing. You know, so I did a move with him, and I was in awe, just because of that. I don't really, what is he saying? I'm not really from Boston. Right. And he goes, oh, they all...

Because I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. Yeah. Just fucking... You know, we were talking about Sweet Dick Willie today, at Ten Planet Van Nuys. Who calls themselves Sweet Dick Willie? Yeah.

That was his fucking name. Hysterical. This is something that your... Tears are coming out your eyes, and, you know, when you're saying about a pizza place, listen, let me be honest with you right off the bat. I don't know how to do stand-up. What I'm doing right now, I observe Cuban people talking

in my mother's bar, and I would laugh. So when I went out, I would try to emulate them, and I would go, my comedy career started on a bus, but it grew at Hashway's Deli. My comedy career grew in a fucking deli, because it was the same six fucking characters that are lost, that don't know their next step, that think they're in the mafia,

because we thought we were fucking it, that we got to spend $8 at the deli. I got you today. Yeah. I got it, it's on me. Are you who? I would go get a roast beef on Swiss, on rye with extra salt and pepper.

I'm fucking hungry now. Heavy on the mayo, a bag of wise potato chips, onion, garlic, pickles, a fucking coconut can, and you talk, and you did this for five fucking hours, and you argued about sports. Who are you gonna fuck? What you were gonna do with your life? How you guys, it just...

You know how rich that is? You're just saying that, like, just, you know, if you could relive that stuff, the simple shit, having the sandwich, you know, talking with your friends, just all that stuff is gone, is lost. Lost, done. You know, you could be sitting on the street eating a hero today, you don't see that no more.

I remember taking my nut out and chasing like a retarded guy down the block when I was like 13 and them losing it. Like my friends losing it, like that's fucking crazy. Like just being outside, because in that neighborhood, everybody's funny. Yeah. So you gotta top, I gotta top Nick.

Nick just killed everybody. Fuck that. Yeah. I gotta top Nick. You know, and that taught me timing. It taught me that if you set a bad joke, those eight, one of your friends will look you and go, all right, we'll see you later, and they'd walk away from you.

Like what the fuck, you know, that scene in there for somebody who's never seen that or been in that, and for everybody, it's something different. For somebody, it could be a hardware store. But for me and guys like you that are from that area, it was a pizza place, or we used to hang out at Nick's Pizza. Do you know what I used to do to Nick's Pizza? Nick's Pizza was a Greek, and he used to say,

fuck you, speak. You know, he used to call everybody a speck. Yeah. A fucking Jew, a fucking, I had a friend who had a beard, he called him myatolic, a many. But I used to bring him a jewelry. I used to bring him hot jewelry. Right.

And he would look at it and go, speak, this is nice. How much? 55, and they're gonna fuck it in sandwich. I give you 50. And then he'd give you 50, he'd make the sandwich, he'd put the thing in his apron. I come back three days later, ask him to go to the bathroom, I'd rob it from him.

Then I'd bring him back three days later. Nick, where'd you get this from? I mean, we tormented Nick. I'm one day opening up Red Crush Pepper and throwing it at him. I was banned for 30 fucking days. I'm gonna move him barred in with snowballs. How does this place, how does this happen in a pizza place? And then Nick would close like a, you'd be talking to Nick,

and a friend would come and Nick, Nick, I have to talk to you. Nick, I have a horse in the fourth race, and they look at the clock and they fucking just shut the pizza plate. Like fuck deliveries. Like if you had a delivery that was a fucking, like that's, you can't write that. I know.

But you have deliveries, Nick. I don't care. Let them go eat Chinese. Fuck them. Everybody was a character. Even like we had to die in the three brothers, these Greeks, Disco, I scored Disco, Peter, Gus, and George. They used to kick us out of, we were little kids,

we used to, you know, try to stay warm in there. I used to tell them, two eggs, two eggs over the, two eggs, two eggs, you know, Disco, Disco, come on, get out, get out, get out. I used to pull my pants down and moon them. I said, fuck you, Greek. I'd moon them, I'd moon them. Everybody I didn't like, I dropped my pants. I'd always moon everybody.

And then eventually he would, he'd welcome me in. Even if I pulled my pants down, he'd say, come on, come on, come on, do you want to come in? That's how these guys were, you know? I mean, it's a different world today, Joe. You can't, it's just, the little things are gone. The little things just sitting on the corner, you know, having a slice of pizza, talking to people, it's gone.

You know, even when I could sit around and have a meal with people now, people go, oh, wow, this is great. No one does this. No one sits around, no one talks, no one eats. Everybody's at a, everybody's sitting there, 10 people, and they're all looking at their phone. They're all on the phone. Nobody's talking to it.

You're right here. I'm at my daughter with her in the back seat talking to somebody. I go, are they talking? They go, yeah, they're texting. They're texting, they're right next to each other. You got a fucking text? I don't understand. Have a conversation.

You know what I mean? Just talk to me. Even this guy today, I was trying to get him on the phone. He's texting me. He said, I can't talk. What do you mean you can't talk? You just fucking texting me. You can't talk, but you can send me a message.

You're torturing me. I said, you know, just pick up the phone and give me the decency to say, get on the phone and talk to me like a person. You know, I hate that shit. I mean, I do it too, but then nobody understands when you text. Oh, I meant this. Oh, no, I didn't mean that.

That's why I don't want to. Oh, it's terrible. Just get on the phone and have a conversation. I don't give a fuck if there's noise. No, just say, call me back, but get on the fucking phone. Yeah, I can't talk. Call me back. I'll call you.

Explain it to me. I'm in the trenches right now. Don't give me that bullshit. You call somebody and they text you back to tell you they can't talk to you. You just, you just took three minutes to dial those numbers. You dumb fuck. Right.

Call me back. I can't deal with it either. No, no, it's, it's, I miss it. I'm heartbroken over it because that, even in Boulder, in Boulder, there was a place the delis on. There were four kids from Westchester. The kids would fistfight during the lunch hour. They knew each other since they were five.

And at lunch hour, one day I walked into the cops and they had two of the owners handcuffed and hysterical. But more people went to that deli after that fucking fistfight because they were grocery at each other every day. For Italian kids, one kid was from Serbia, one of those fucking, not Serbia, but he spoke Croatian because he was from, yeah, he was from up 9, 914, whatever that is up there.

They had money. But it was after they got into a fistfight in Boulder, there were lines. They got so busy after the fistfight word got out that they opened the three other locations. And it was a place where just East Coast people would go. Because East Coast, like when I go to Tempe, there's a place there where you walk in on Saturday morning.

It's everybody from Boston all the way down to fucking DC. Half of them are Jews. They're eating bagels. I've called you from there. They all eat bagels. They all talk. They all tell stories. Where are you from?

I got a cousin from Jersey. I'm from Jersey. You say, every time I walk in there, every time I walk in there, they know to go there on Saturdays. And they try to keep that little thing alive. I like it. I like it to an extent.

I miss it. You know, here you go to that fucking coffee shop we go to and there's that little quick. I don't want to hang out with those fucking momos. Talking about fake scripts and fucking places they're going to dream to go. That's not what we talk about. It's like you said, it's this retardation.

Because I was retarded too. I remember sitting there and you talk about your dreams. Now you're going to fuck this one. And when you tell a story about fucking a chick, they all question you. You didn't fuck her. You sucked the tit. You didn't fuck her.

And then you got to explain yourself what happened, the details, what restaurant you went to, what her pussy smelled like. It was fucking crazy. I know. And your kids. It's funny. Funny.

My friend Harry, I remember telling him years ago, I used to have chicks and he'd say, you know, my friend Harry, did you get her? I go, would you take her clothes off? I say, yeah, I had a nude. Yeah, but you fuck her. No. What do you mean?

You had a fucking naked. What'd you do? I said, take my time, Harry. I'll just put it in. I walk around. I, you know, I watch the merchandise. I work my way up to it. Which, I don't know, I would have went right in.

I would have went right in. That's you, man. I don't go right in. I got to take my time. I don't appreciate the beauty. Eventually I'll go in. You know, but it was just funny. That kind of shit.

You know what I mean? The conversations you'd have, you know, with your friends and just, you know, I just missed that. I missed that. I was like in my brother's neighborhood. Recently I was sitting on a bench. Someone goes, sit down with me.

I like his neighborhood. You know, it's kind of a bohemian. Park slope. But I know everybody in the neighborhood. My brother goes, you know, everybody. Everybody likes you. I said, yeah, I talk to people. I'm not like you.

Can't talk to anyone so fucking serious. The guy in the phone store likes you. The guy in the pizzeria. I was trying to get some food one night at the pizzeria. And he goes, where are you? I'm looking for you. He's across the street waiting for me. You know what?

We're having dinner at 6.59. At 6.50. Where are you? As I'm going to the bathroom. Meanwhile, the guys were making me some eggplant. I got to get out. He goes, he's across the street. He looks like he's your father waiting for you.

I go, I know I got to leave now. I'll pick up. I'll get the food tomorrow. So I'm running out of the store. He goes, where were you? Where were you? I was in the pizzeria. I go to the bathroom.

The guy chases me down the street with some eggplant. He goes, yeah, Nick, you forgot this. He goes, what's that? What is that? I said, no, they gave me some food. And he goes, well, we're having dinner. I said, I know we're having dinner. I'll eat it tomorrow.

I can't tell him because I'll bring food home and I'll put it in the fridge. He goes, who brought that pizza home? I mean, you eat a lot of pizza. Man, they're always eating pizza. I love pizza. I can't get enough of it. I can't get enough of it.

I can't get enough of it. That's nothing. I destroyed it. I just had to give up. What, pizza? Yeah. Just gave it up. I mean, I can't eat it all the time.

Like, listen. I could. I mean, I could. One slice a day would complete your day. Yes. But it's got to be a quick slice. I never get tired of it. I got to drive to the Sherman Oaks Gallery,

park the fucking car, walk in, go downstairs. The chick's having a conversation with the Chinese guy, explaining what a fucking stromboli is. I don't have time for this. It's a fucking slice. The China guy don't know what a fucking stromboli is. He don't need to know, all right? He don't need to fucking know.

He wants to know what kind of sausage is a organic. Doesn't fucking matter. You fucking gentile. While I'm hungry, I just want a fucking slice. Excuse me. Throw me a little cheese. Anybody knows. Like, if you walk into one of those neighborhood things,

it's a slice. It's three fucking minutes. That's why you walk in there. It's not limit like this place in Hollywood. I got to give you chick the order. She takes my money and then she puts a tab up. Johnny fucking Rico comes over, throws it in a fucking thing. Then he gives it to Johnny Suave and he brings it to you.

Three fucking sets of hands for my slice. It's one set of hands. I don't even care if you touch money with it. I don't give a fuck if you took that hand. Oh, those people have been out there all day. Like at those places, like the slice places on the East Coast? Yeah, but the slices move. They move.

They move. They move. If they're sitting there, I don't, you know. No, you know when you walk on a thing if a slice got cancer. You know, when you look at it, it's fucking bad. Let me tell you something. Those petrified slices that you throw in the next morning, that's the whole patois.

The thing that we don't, it settles. It congog, it congogulates whatever the fuck the word is. It's not that bad, especially if you crispy it up and don't put it in the microwave. There's two places for me to eat pizza here. That fucking joint, the Sherman O's Galleria, Joe's, whatever. It's not bad in there. And all I got to go to fucking Hollywood to the one place I used to go to. And it's the four people touch my pizza.

Four fucking people to get a slice of pizza. I'm sitting there sometimes 10 minutes. A slice means Rocky though. That's why I went in there, which means if I'm having a conversation with Nick about the organic fucking mushrooms that I ordered, you know, because some people come in and ask you stupid fucking questions. You know, what kind of mushrooms do you have? Are they organically grown?

Are they from a farm nearby? Does it fucking matter? Does it really fucking matter? Just eat the fucking thing, all right? No. But if Lee comes in, and I know Lee comes in for a slice every day, while I'm having a conversation with, with fucko, I turn around and throw a cheese slice in for Lee.

I take a cup, I fill it up, I put it there for Lee, and I charge him later. It don't matter. That's the mentality. No, I got to wait in line because you're having a conversation with fucko here. Fucko wants to have a conversation. Excuse yourself and go, what do you want? Cheese slice, right? Boom. Pineapple.

Boom. That's it. You're out of there. I know. But this is what, you know, this is why I don't eat pizza no more. Somebody asked me to- That's why when you're in New York, you could go to Queens. You go to Brooklyn. Go to Manhattan.

You go and- Dude, they still have pies up there. Of course they have pies. But it's a fucking, listen, bro. You still can get a slice. Let me ask you something. You know, I'm the type of motherfucker. I don't get sushi at a Chinese restaurant.

Just thought, you got to pick a flag with me. I get offended. All right. So if I come into your pizza place, are you Italian? Are you from another fucking chapter? I had some pizza in Nashville made by two black guys in Buffalo. Probably the best pizza I had last year. Well, if you know what you're doing, you know what you're doing.

You know what I mean? I mean, if you get trained the right way and you use the right ingredient. Like the other day, I made eggplant parmesan at home. And, well, I had my wife make it, but she made it a week before with some bullshit cheese. I said, that don't look like eggplant. I don't know what that was, but you didn't give me the right shit. I said, I'll get you the right shit this week. And I did and it came out beautiful.

Great eggplant. I said, now that's eggplant parmesan. We laid it, we put the sauce, put the mozzarella, we put the romano. I said, now I was, I was proud. It came out really good because there's a, there's a knack to make an eggplant parmesan. You got to make it like a lasagna. You make the lasagna the right way. It's great.

You make a slice of pizza the right way. You make the sauce the right way. A meatball. There's an art to making a good meatball. You know, you got to put the lamb, you got to put the veal, you got to put the chopped meat. You know what I mean? You blend it together or you put them all. You put it together.

You put it together in a little egg and a little, and then you fry it up, you know? How hungry are you right now, Lee? You can eat your fucking finger. If I had pasta sauce right now, spaghetti sauce, you'd probably dip your finger in the fucking thing. Probably. Oh shit. It's Monday, Cox. Like a little something for the spirits.

Little Tony Bennett. I want to be around. Here you go. Oh shit. When somebody breaks your heart. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Get up. Watch that muffler.

Do something with your life. It's as good as it gets, brother. A couple fucking cocktails, a number right now. It's a little store made in nice beats of bar pie with a Heineken on tap. Lee, what would you do for something like that? A little Heineken on tap right now with a bar pie with pepperoni. You'd be all red in the face and fucking sweating. Hey, basically I'm doing that.

That fucking, he brought an edible today that was a devil's head. And he said it was only like 32 milligrams, but it was 200 or something. 200. I would not do that. Oh my gosh. You're my fucking goomba leech. Why would I give you another bulletin? It's funny.

Where do you go in New York when you want to slice or you want to pie? Where's your places now? I don't. I don't. You don't go in Manhattan? There's one place in Jersey, Roma Pizza that's in the neighborhood and I sent somebody there. I go go in there and see how it is and he called me back and he goes, it was fucking tremendous. I never even knew.

I go, they've been there for 50 years. Well, it's like you go go to Harlem, the original Patsy's to $10. You still get a pie up there in Harlem at the original Patsy's. Good. Yeah. Still good. And over on the East side is a place called Luzos. Very nice.

13th Street like First Avenue. Fantastic. Unbelievable. I mean, you can't, you eat this brick oven pizza. One after another. Where's Patsy's at? Patsy's is up on 117th and like it's around first. It's on the way to Yankee Stadium.

It's the original Patsy's, the original oven. They have other Patsy's. They have Patsy Grandma. They had like a whole, you know, controversy. They split up. I don't know, but that's the original where Sinatra went. I go up there. I go up there.

I go, I'll go anywhere for good pizza. You know what I mean? Luzos is good too, but you should go to original Patsy's. I've lost faith in pizza sometimes. I don't lose faith. They're still, they're still good places. Even though New York has become more commercial, but you know, you can go to the boroughs too.

You can find great pizzerias and queens. When I go to Jersey, I focus on the Chinese because I can't get that out of here. I get a nice egg roll. What do you like? The egg rolls? Chance Dragon and Baby. Good wonton soup.

Tremendous. Yeah. I got the pictures. You do? You judge it. You tell me what the fuck you think. I got some pictures. You like duck?

No. Peking duck? No, no, no, no. That's great. Look at this, look at this. Look at this fucking egg roll. Look at that. With the metal stone.

Look at those egg rolls. Oh, that looks good. Look at the metal, but that's the metal. It's the metal. Yeah, family photos of egg rolls. You see the metal on the pork fried rice. The pork fried rice. Look at the fucking metal.

Look at the pork fried rice. And that's great. That's world class. Look at that pork fried rice. We used to make the orders. Get the wonton soup. That's seen from Raging Bull there. I think they're eating Chinese in there.

You ever watch that scene where he's talking about, you know, why don't you fall on the floor? Look at this. Look at all this shit. This is strawberry shortcake from a Greek diner. My wife always tries to make strawberry shortcake. And I go, stop it. You know, they don't got a good bakery here.

Like my friend, my friend Nicky. I got to tell her, stop it. Don't do those no more. You hurt my finger. You ever have a lobster tail? No, it's an Italian pastry, a lobster tail. It's unbelievable. No, you're not going to eat it.

My friend, Nick O, from Mulberry Street makes it. The Boliche Cuban style with the chorizo in the middle. Not too good. Not as good as I'm going to get Thursday in Miami. I bought a sagua. That's where you sent me. Galama right there from Rudy's. Since I was 17.

Is that good galama? Oh my God. You know, I had some good galama in Vegas. And look at the muscles fucking. I don't eat muscles. I like baked clams. Oh my, I like baked clams. Simple baked clams.

I don't like this clams or, you know, oregano, whatever. I get everything. I get a dozen oreganados. I get a dozen fucking stuffed ones. How about clams on a hash shell? Clams on a hash shell. You got a little Moninada. Oh, you got to keep that fucking.

You used to go when I was a kid. Sheep's head bay. Randazos and sheep's head bay. Clams on the hash shell by the dozen. Oh my God. A nice cold fucking beer. With a cold beer on tap. Cold, cold, cold.

Like a motherfucker. Let's go for the, for the melange too. You know what I mean? You eat 55 clams. You jerk off. You're like Elmer's Glucos. Coney Island is a place in Coney Island to Tony's. And they only make us so many pies a day.

And then they shut down. I heard about this place in Coney Island. They only like, they're only going to stay. Stop making pizza at a certain time. It must be pretty amazing. And I'm always looking for something. A good Sicilian. A good, you know, a good grandma.

Nick used to keep the Sicilian by the window. So the middle slice obviously had like a little fly because they used to have a lunch bag. Nick the Greek? Nick the Greek. I like that guy. I love Nick. I always.

That's what we need here out here. We need somebody who can walk on the street. Just get up. You're like, you know, right there. Get a slice right on the street. How sad is it that right now? Right now you and I have nowhere to go eat. It's terrible.

It's 10 o'clock at night. I know. There is nowhere to us to go right now. We go to Ruth Chris and get a steak. What's in Burbank? Oh, Morton's. Morton's. They'll stay open for 11.

That's not bad. Oh, you could go where? Dantanas or somewhere? And I got to sit in a little fucking table like a fucking Guguz. I know. Every time I go to Dantana, I go to Ralphie Mae.

500 pound Ralphie. And we sit in a little fucking table with the table. Yeah, it's too small. It's too fucking small. I know. It's too small. But the spaghetti's nice in there. The salad's nice.

Nice little steak with spaghetti. Not bad. But you need, you need place to go to. You need a place when you're hungry. You know what I mean? You got to have, this place is just, they don't, they just don't have it. They don't, you know, that's why you got to make your own food.

That's why you got to, you know, go to the right stores, go to your tying delis, get the right stuff. And these guys found the deli up in the valley. You go to where? There's a couple of good ones. There's one by my house, the mingos, which ain't bad. That's where they go. They make you a good sandwich.

You get the good mozzarella and the water and the prosciutto, the pomegranate, the supersod. Steve Simone brought me up there and got me roast beef with the hot peppers. Nice. Oh my god. Motadela. Yeah, the jam.

I like the motadela. You know what motadela's go with? What? Cuban crackers. Oh yeah. My son's into Cuban sandwiches now. Ever since they saw that movie, his chef, now he wants a Cuban sandwich.

It was a good movie. I actually really liked it. Where'd you go? Where'd we go? Well, we go oversized, you know. Bordos got a good Cuban sandwich. Bordos makes a decent one. I'm telling you, I'm going to fuck it.

I'm going to fuck it. But you got to go to Miami to get a good Cuban, a real Cuban. Remember, you went to, last night, listen, so my cousin called me on Saturday. And he called me up. My cousin's in the Cuban national band, Eche Alfonso. So he called me on Saturday. He goes, your uncle says, our uncle says,

you're coming down. I go, yeah, but Wednesday, why don't you wait for me? Because I can't. I just came here to take care of business. And yesterday, he tweets me a picture of him with Gloria and stuff on. So he was in Miami with her. Because he's pretty badass.

But I remember Nick calling me going, I went to Gloria's, I dropped 200. Ah, I go, you wasted your time. Go to Porta Sago on 13th Street down by the fucking beach. All right, good stuff. You eat for 50 fucking bucks. I know. For 50 bucks.

I've never seen that. Was that soup I had? Was it good? Chicken Cuban soup. Yeah. Cuban chicken soup. Potatoes and fidel. Right.

The noodles with the pieces of chicken. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. And they give you the bread to dip in. The fried bananas. I don't know what, what was your main course over there? I don't remember. But it was good.

It was a total dog. I've been going to that place since 1990, fuck it, eight. And I mean, I would go. That's my kind of place. I would go for two weeks and go there out of 14 days. I go there 10, 10 days. Sure. And fuck them up.

Just fuck them up. I didn't care about calories or weight. I would do the Cuban sodas, the dessert, the coffee with sugar. Fuck it. Fuck it. I got no time for this shit. This is what I grew up on.

This is my heart, man. That's like home food. You know what I mean? You know, you don't find places like that. 24 hours. 24 hours. 24 hours. 24 hours.

You go to Cahielcho for the carreta and get 24-hour fucking Cuban food. At four in the morning, we could be eating Cuban sandwiches with a side order of langoten chilao, is it? Which is lobster with fucking this red sauce with white rice and fried bananas. And you push the white rice. You should do one show just with food right here. You push the fucking rice and beans on the fork

with the fried banana. Nobody does that kind of shit. No more. That's heavy duty, Lisa. Hey, look at you. What are you going to eat when you get home? I don't have any. I only have like 400 calories left.

But I know you got a big bag of M&M's. I do. That's peanut. You're going to fuck those up. I'm going to try not to. You're going to rub them on your face. You're going to put a little peanut in your kulo and shit. I love peanut m&ms.

You have like family photos of your favorite dishes. But I'm not going to eat it tonight. The pictures of mercy. What are you going to do? It's that important for me to show those pictures to somebody. To know. Now when I go to a Chinese restaurant, I call them right up and come in for a second.

You got this here? You don't have this? Let me know. No, you don't. Yes, I do. That's why I stopped going. That's why I bring those pictures. I walk into a place and go,

this is what I've been used to eating. What have you got? I've been eating with fucking savages. What have you got here? This is what I've been eating. What the fuck do you have? It's hard to find a good Chinese joint. I should buy the bread.

Get the fuck out of my face. Has anybody said yes? And then they brought over the wrong thing and you brought it back over? My wife, we took the kid, the baby to some place. She went there with the toddler group she's involved with. And it's a great little time. You're going there and you walk in.

There's a kitchen. There's an ambulance room. There's a supermarket. Just for kids. And you sit there. It's a controlled environment. They've got cameras and your kid plays. Me and Terry sat at the table and Mercy fed us

and stuck the carrots in my face. So afterward, I had to come here to do the podcast. So we didn't have that much time. So it was an Italian place. Two doors down. Maria's or something? Went in there and the guy goes, oh, I went to see you guys at the ice house.

So we spoke a little bit and he sat us. And I got the, you know, meat dog. I go right for the easy. I go for the spaghetti and half meatball. I went for the half water, spaghetti and one meatball. I got an order of calamari, which wasn't bad. I asked him first because if it comes with cocktail sauce, you get up and you leave.

There's no reason to stay there. Once they tell you it comes with cocktail sauce. Right. Let me, you know what? My wife just came down with a bowler. We got to go. What's wrong with cocktail sauce? No, that's it right there.

What do you use? Cocktail sauce is for when we went to Arnie Morton's for shrimp. Okay. And to dip the horseradish mixture in there. Okay. That's what you do. Not for fucking squid. Not for calamari.

Not even, you're not even in the fucking neighborhood. The only person who dips his fucking calamari in fucking cocktail sauce is a guy by the name of Henry from Iowa, who don't fucking know better at the bowling alley by his house. But tonight he'll be shitting blood for 16 fucking hours for doing that. What do you use? Tomato sauce, pasta sauce, spicy to the fucking gills. At Rudy's, it's medium, hot or sweet.

And you get to mix. You get the medium and the sweet put together. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you like the tentacles or just the ring? I eat everything. The tentacles, the rings. What the fuck?

What kind of fucking half a fruit are you? You got to eat the tentacles, the rings. You open up with the fucking chowder. Sure. You got a Heineken on tap. They've had a Heineken on tap there for fucking 30. I don't think they have it anymore. I'm lying to you.

I don't think they have the Heineken on tap anymore. I grew up in there walking. I used to walk there as a kid. No car, 15 and a half. Rudy's? From North Bergen. Two, three miles. Walking in the winter.

We get on Monday night football. Walking, sit at the bar and just take a chance. Guy would come over. Can I help you? I'm going to get a bowl of soup, water, calamara. What are you drinking? I don't know. Let me get a white wine.

Let me get a white wine spritzer. The guy would look at me and give me a white wine fucking spritzer. And after you get the white wine spritzer, you might as well open up the valve. You know what? Let me get a Heineken on tap. Let me get a shot of tequila. And after that, you own the fucking.

Yeah. He blew him a 20. Bam. That's it. Me, we used to walk up there, me and Gerard Bizzacco when we were kids in the winter on a Monday night. Fuck it. Wow.

Fuck you think you're beautiful. At the bar and sit there and dip the fucking bread. Because then they put the bread at the bottom of the calamara. So the calamara juice would dip on the bread. Yeah. Then you picked up the bread and dipped it in the fucking thing. Are you fucking kidding me or what? I grew up in the epicenter of food.

I was very fortunate. I grew up in New York City before it went corporate. Right. I grew up in New York City when you'd go to 40 seconds and get a fucking gyro. That was tremendous. Yeah. The juice that the Iron Medis, the juice would drip

with the fucking Slovakie fucking juice. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Right on the street. Right on the fucking street. Are you fucking kidding me? Shit was great. I used to go to all the diner. We used to go down one.

Listen, when I was a kid, I used to go out just before the end of the night. The end of the night because I knew exactly where to go. On Wednesday nights, we'd go to the Berkshire Diner. You always got to strand the hair in your soup. The cream of turkey soup, big piece of fucking hell. I don't know. Like King of Sabi made it. Some guy would fight.

Just came back from a concert going like this and shit. And you ate that soup with pride. I bought a nice potato caniche on the street. Oh, my God. And a couple of sabrettes. Oh, my God. Right off. Fuck it.

I asked this guy by my house, Bernie. They got caniches, but they don't know how to make it. He goes, well, they don't understand. Like fucking soup. Yeah. I said, it's supposed to be look like this. I still buy them because I'm, I'm Jones and for conditions. You go home and re-dope them.

You can do them up at the house. I do. You can fry them up nice at the house with some fucking mustard. Oh, I get a nice cream soda and a couple of sabrettes. All the mustard and sauerkraut. None of that ketchup shit. I tell my kids ketchup is for a hamburger. Not for the fucking hot dog.

Don't get me started. I hate that. I don't like, oh, I put ketchup. I said, well, then you put ketchup on yours. Go somewhere else. Right. Get away from me. Put the fuck out of my sight.

I want mustard and I want sauerkraut. Mustard and hot dogs. That's it. That's it. Fucking ketchup. Fucking ketchup. Fucking ketchup. I'm some fucking.

Right. Cosmopolitan. Real mama loop. That guy. Let me tell you something, man. I used to go to the Berkshire down to the open steak sandwich. They used to give you steak fries, not these little aides for steak fries. Aides fries?

And then they give you white bread toasted, light toast, little bit of butter. Love white bread. And they put the fucking steak on top of the french fries. And the bread. So the gravy from the steak. The grease, right? Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? Let me tell you something. My mother used to make an egg, a bake, egg, peppers and eggs sandwich. I heard Pap Coupe talk about this. I ate one of these peppers and eggs on like white bread. And the oil and everything would go right through. Who one of the greatest sandwiches you ever ate in your life?

It was like, it was like eating something. You know, I don't even want to say it. It was just like unbelievable. You never had a sandwich like this, Pat. I remember you put it in aluminum foil, take it out. It was like eating gold. No one could ever make a sandwich like that. Peppers and eggs.

Unbelievable with the oil and everything. I mean, even today I still got white bread on a hard roll. They go on white bread. It was unbelievable. Sometimes I get a yen for that. That'd be peanut butter and jelly. I go on buying some wonder bread. I'm like, it's still good, man.

Peanut butter and jelly on a freaking wonder bread. Shh, still. You call that a motherfucking hat. Yeah. And you're flattening it good. Because you got to cut peanut butter and jelly in half. Yeah, you go on a plane. You go on a plane with peppers and eggs.

Everybody's looking at you. I even brought pizza pies from my neighborhood one time. There's J&S Square Pizza. Everybody was like, wow, that looks, I said, yeah, this you can heat up too. Oh, man. I go to Miami on Sunday right at the airport. I stop right there and I go, let me get 10 Cuban sandwiches.

Don't cook them. Really? Just take them home. And you take them on the plane uncooked. You put them right over your fucking bin. Right. Like a doctor and shit. Yeah.

Those are like 8 million points, aren't they? 20. It's 13 points for a half. So that's got to be 13 times 60. So they got to go 12, 100 calories for a Cuban sandwich. Oh my God. With the cheese, pork, ham, Swiss cheese, melted butter on the bread, butter on top of the fucking bread.

There's more butter than anything. Got to ask you something. Yeah. What did you think of this whole Tracy Morganton? Did you ever reach out? Did you try to reach out? I actually thought about it. And then I just heard that there was so many people praying for him

and this and that. And I never really formally reached out. But I was really praying for him and hoping that he was going to pull through. And how was he doing? How do you know? You just get a little. I just get a little.

Is there any way you can get to him? I mean, you know, I heard just conflicting reports. You know, I don't believe what I read. I read conflicting reports, but I'm just having a hard time. You know, I have a manager that's friends with him. Do you know you can, can you get word to him or? No, I didn't even want to ask because I just felt weird. I bumped into him a couple of times and he's always been very cool to me.

Oh, I like him a lot. That was a great experience. I like him a lot. Yeah. When I went to Santa Fe last year to do comedy, I had him drive me by the hotel and by the field. And, and, you know, it was weird because the kid that picked us up at the airport and went on Santa Fe,

he'd only been in Santa Fe six years. But he goes out of all the movies they shoot here and they shoot breaking bad. They still talk about the longest yard. Like you guys were having parties downtown and Sandler walking around town and tipping people big. And they still talk about that. And it's really weird that, you know,

things happen in Hollywood, you know, you come here and you, but that's, that's always been a good experience for me. Well, however you want to chop it. I know we had a great time. It was a great experience for me. It was a great experience for me. I, you know, it was really, you know, something that, you know, it stays with me and I would, I would never forget it.

I mean, I, to this day, it's one of my, you know, it's one of my favorites. It stands up there. It was just, I don't know the whole atmosphere, the whole experience, so many people. I loved it. I really did. I really, I mean, you know, I wish, you know,

I wish we could have done, you know, like another one, but it was, it wasn't meant to be. I mean, because I guess it was an original movie that they remade. But it was the first time, you know, working with all comedians and athletes and all these people. It was, it was a, it was really a wonderful, I was so, I remember when I first heard about it, I saw a poster for it in the movie theater before it was even cast.

It was a football with, right, like a black and white. And I said, I gotta get in on this. Yeah, it was fucking weird. They let you know it was coming. And I'm like, what the fuck? It was a great poster with a football. Great poster, better than the poster they came up with. Black and white.

And it was like a dirty hand grabbing a ball, but a clean hand across, something fucking just crazy. Excuse me, I remember them calling. A little fucking burp. What are you gonna do? How'd you get the audition? Do you remember how you got it? No, I didn't get an audition.

Oh, you didn't? No. They told me that they were looking for star names. They were looking at Tony Saragusa, Vincent Pastore, and somebody. I heard so many things. And then years later, I met so many different people who had different conflicting stories.

Somebody see a stand-up that Adam know you? No, Chris knew me. Chris Schrock? Yeah, but the funny thing was like Dean Cain went in for that. And Dean told me how they treated him. Dean Cain? Dean Cain went in for the part of the quarterback. Of the quarterback?

Of the other team. Like, Dean wanted, like, Dean knew Adam, Dean knew like 50 people in that movie they had spoken to him. Dean went down there. Right. And Dean was walking and going like, I got this. I played football.

Right. And he goes, it broke my heart. Like, nobody fucking called. Like, it was just amazing. Because when I got the call, Snoop Dogg was in the fucking movie. When I first got the call, Snoop Dogg was in the fucking movie. Snoop was in the movie? Snoop was originally in the movie.

As who? Nellie's role. They wanted a rapper. Oh, okay. They wanted a rap. Oh, Snoop was playing Michael Irving's role. Something crazy. Something crazy.

Nellie was good in the movie. I got a breakdown sent to me. I looked at it. I said it's me. The manager agreed. The phone started ringing from every angle. Every manager or assistant in town that I knew said there's a movie coming out with Adam Sandler looking for you.

And finally we got a hold of something. And they go, ah, we're looking for a star. We're looking for Vincent Pastore or Thomson. They're looking for a name. A name. Yeah. And I said, fucking, I was in Houston at the time. I was all fucked up.

And one night I'm sitting, I'm going, you know what? I'm just going to make a fucking. You made a tape? A tape. And I watched the original. And I picked who Tony was. And I said some shit. Look, his name was Chuck Savage.

That tape me. And we went to the University of Houston. And we threw a ball around. And I had this tight shirt on. You could see my stomach and all this shit. And then I got a read. And they finally called me. And they read me.

Who read you? Pete Siegel? Pete Siegel. Yeah, that's who I read for. And then there was the weirdest thing they called on, like a Tuesday. It was the 4th of July weekend. And that Monday night, I knew it.

Spider-Man 2 had come out. Something, something had come out. They hired for the whole picture? No. I mean, like, were you hired for the? No. How was your deal? Yeah.

The first deal I got, they called on a Tuesday and said they were working on a deal. And I guess at first they were going to kill me at the jail. Like something was going to happen to me at the jail. I got out to something. Yeah. And then they gave me a contract, I think for four weeks. And then after the scene with the belly,

when I got back to my room, there was a contract, new money, new everything. It was like stealing. Like that scene when I walked back, that was it. But the time I got back, because I stopped somewhere, but the time I got to my room, there was an envelope on the thing. And it was like a whole new deal.

16 weeks. Oh, really? When you were filming? Yeah, when I was filming. Oh, and you were? When it went up, everything went up. Everything changed. Oh, that's great.

I think once I was on my back, breathing and all that shit, they said, keep them. Yeah, that was it. When you were on your back? Yeah, it was after that day. Was this before we did the scene we did? I think that was the first scene I did in the movie. The triad?

Triad. That was the first scene we did. Yeah. That was a month, a Tuesday morning. That was a great scene. But I just remember, I remember Tracy Morgan being nervous. Like I remember Tracy was in the scene. We were on the fucking scene.

Like everybody's in the fucking scene. This is it. This is the first scene in the movie. Usually they start off light. Like you have a scene where we're on across the street just to get used to people. No, no, no, no. They weren't.

Like I was there maybe two weeks before I shot. I was there a week before I shot. I got there on a Tuesday or a Wednesday. Stayed the weekend. But did you have to do any... I was supposed to do some training stuff, but then my mom had a heart attack, so I had to leave. Right.

I remember we went to the van together. Yeah. Me, you and Bernardi were in the van on a Friday. And they were great. They were like, you know... Go take care of that. Yeah, I remember that. I was lonely after that.

I didn't have a friend. Once you left in the beginning, I was alone. I didn't have a friend and Lobo came. Because Lobo showed up later. Lobo didn't come from the beginning. Lobo should... The leap... I flew down.

It was me, the leap, Bob Sapp, and somebody else. There was a four-man flight from Van Nuys Airport. Wow. They picked us up at the table reading. They go, you sure you didn't go from the table reading? No. How long did... Right, right, right.

You waited about three or four days. I went from the table read right down there. I went down there with a half a pack of cigarettes and ten bucks and a joint. And when I got to the hotel, they gave it per diem. I thought I was going to jump out the fucking window. It was great, right? When I got to the hotel right there,

they were checking people in. They gave you an envelope. They gave you an envelope. Not like today. They want to put it on the check. It's terrible. Oh, my God. They gave you a big, thick envelope.

And I had keys in there. And I kept going, why do I have keys? Is this something else? And I looked at it and it was a keys to a fucking car. Yeah, we had a car. That's right. I didn't have a California license. We had keys.

We had cash. They never even asked me to see my California license. Nothing. They just assumed we had one. Do you understand me, Lee? Do you understand what it is to get to a hotel room with six bucks, half a pack of cigarettes, and you're like, I'm going to have to borrow money.

And all of a sudden, you sign in. No credit card. I had no credit card. I signed in with an ATM card with like $6 on it. And the envelope was good. Good. 800, my envelope. I went upstairs.

I went right down. I gave the guy 300 at the wind. And it was Santa Fe. But it was an Indian hotel. There was a dude who played the flute. They just paid him to play the flute. They must have given him a yardstick on line. There was a little bar.

I remember one night we were eating there, and Michael even walked in with no shirt on into the restaurant. You remember what we used to eat there? Buffalo burgers? I didn't eat that shit. Oh, you didn't eat the buffalo? You guys liked that?

No, I don't eat that shit. Oh, man. Fucking, that's when I fell in love with Buffalo burgers. No, I wouldn't eat that shit. Oh, that's good. These fucking guys were eating the buffalo. Are you kidding? What everybody was eating was the kid's portion

of macaroni and cheese. You had to see this, Lee. It was under the kid's menu, macaroni and cheese. It was fucking delicious. It was four cheese, macaroni and cheese. That sounds good. And it was huge. Well, like the crumbs on top or something?

It had everything. Not that shit from a box. Not that from a box. Fuck, I know you're disappointed. You like that shit from a fucking box. Fuck, suck it. Let me give you some yellow shout outs, right? Yellow.

I want to give a shout out to the Montana Natives. You fucking Indians. I love you, cock sucker. Billy Jones in South Carolina. Christopher Newling Gidea. Thank you for this shirt, my buddy. My daughter looked beautiful. Henry Yard, Michelle Hurley, Bob Crook.

Get well, cock sucker. And Sam Collin. He's the one who said get well and all that shit. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? What do you want me to do? Baltimore was great, by the way. Went to Baltimore last weekend.

When? Last weekend. Oh, yeah? Last three weeks. I was in Denver, Baltimore. They got some good Italian joints down there that stay open late. Baltimore is a grand little city, man.

Good little fucking food. It's coming up. Some crab cakes. A lot of black people. Is that right? Oh, a lot of brothers. It's a nice ballpark. Nice ballpark.

Nice base. I didn't see the baseball field. I saw the football field different. Yeah, the ballpark is beautiful. They put a new casino. But I went to the ballpark years ago. You went to Candon Yards? Yeah, years ago.

12 years ago, I stopped in to do comedy and somebody had a fucking ticket. Yeah. Yeah, that was weird. They had all the players saying Baltimore's the best place to play. I went there eight years ago and they were giving tickets away

with Subway sandwiches. It was a cool stadium, but no one was there. Yeah, because they ran the franchise down, but now they're coming back. I mean, in the 70s, they were fantastic. With Earl Weaver and all those guys, that was a great franchise. Yeah, I know attendance goes down,

but it seems like the Yankees and the Red Sox and those teams, even when the team is bad, there's people in the stadium, but when there's no one in Orioles and the two-second year, they're good. Everyone has all the new shirts and stuff that seems kind of weird. Yeah, but unless you like the Cubs and its Wrigley Field,

they didn't show up for the Cubs if they suck, because it's Wrigley. Yeah. But they weren't showing up, I think, that much. Now they're back, Buckshaw Walter. They got a good organization now. Yeah. They're coming back.

The Orioles, they used to call it. The Orioles. Little Earl Weaver, smoking cigarettes, Jim Palmer, Mike Quayer, Pat Thompson. Yeah. Let me ask you something, Nick. One thing that you are just tremendous is, is baseball. I mean, you just...

I have friends, George Kolodinsky. I have friends with a huge Yankee fans that you call them and they're upset when the Yankees lose. They got to call you back because there's a man on third. You're completely different. You're completely different. You, it changes you.

You suffer through it. I mean, I've never been a fan of anything that much. I mean, I'm not mad at you. I love you to death. It was the first time I found out you were a fan. I thought you were beating your wife in the hotel room because they were yelling and screaming. And I go down and you were all alone.

Your kids hadn't even been down there. And I go, who are you yelling at? And you're like, this fucking TV, this fucking... They just struck out. Jesus sucks dick. And I was just blown away. And then you express yourself. You're one of the few that did call Kansas City

in the beginning. Three weeks ago, this guy was like, look, I keep on yelling. Kansas City, the pitching. And I'm like, what the fuck is he talking about? So sat there and I watched a five-hour wild card game. And they not only came back once, they came back twice. They were down 7-3.

It looked like they were left for dead. And then all of a sudden they got to 7-6. And then in the ninth inning, they tied it 7-7. Then the A's went ahead in the 11th or the 12th. Look, and I like the A's. I'm kind of a closet A's fan. It's one of my West Coast teams. And then they came back with one out in the 12th down 8-7.

Hosmeh hits a triple off the wall. I said, holy shit, they're going to do it. They're going to win this thing. And they tied it 8-8. And they won it 9-8. And I said, holy shit. Sometimes you just see the momentum happen. You see the tied turn.

Now, I'm not a gambler. Last year I won a contest at MLB.com for 10 grand. But I was thinking, I should just listen to what I'm feeling. They paid me. Cash. Yeah. This is your check? This is my check.

All right. They took taxes out? No. All right. Yeah. But I was last, right before the Angel series, I said, I got to put a bet in for this team. They might go all the way.

There's something going on. Something happened. I start with the Red Sox series. The Yankees, when they lost 4 straight against the Red and 0-4. And I don't know when it happened. After game 5, I knew, I said, they're going to get beat. I couldn't bet against the Yankees. I knew they're going to get beaten in the 7th game.

Now, they came back 1-4 straight. But I didn't have the heart. I could have made a bundle, even with the Royals. They swept the Angels. Then they swept the Orioles. And I'm like, wow. Why didn't I act on it? I saw it.

I felt that there ain't no. Nobody believes me. But I'm telling you, I saw it. I don't know what it is about that game. But I have a feel for it. That's why these guys don't want to hire me a lot. Because they don't speak the truth. You know, they don't have too many of these so-called experts.

But I watched the game. I have great instinct. I mean, I could be a bench coach. I could be a man. I mean, I could be in the game. Because I love the game. I live it. And I watch it.

And I got a good feel for it. You know, I've even coached Little League and Encino. And they think, you know, it's to call me crazy. And then people will go, yeah, but Nick knows the game. He really knows. I'm three, four, five, seven steps ahead. That's why when I'm watching the game, I get nervous when something bad's going to happen.

And then people go, what are you getting upset about? Because I'm four steps ahead of you. I could see what's going to go on here. He's going to make this. This is going to happen here. And then that's going to happen. The whole fucking thing's going to blow up. And it does.

And they go, you're crazy. I go, no, I'm not. I know what the fuck I'm looking at. Because I know I have a trained eye. My brother goes, he doesn't, he thinks he's in the game. He thinks he's actually playing that he can affect it. Sometimes I feel like I could will my way. And I've willed games.

I doesn't always work. And then I get a bad feeling on that. All of a sudden something happens, a player ball. You watch, you got to watch the little things that you go, oh shit, that's a bad omen. That's a bad fucking omen. And I almost feel like I could predict. Predict like this World Series.

Now the fact that I didn't gamble on it, I'm not going to touch it. I should have put my bed in before the Angel series when I felt it. I still feel they'll do it. But I don't, right now it's like, you know, I think it's destiny for them. But the Giants are still a scary team, you know, but I definitely. Why are the Giants so scary? Because they know how to win. They know how to win.

And they play, they play small ball and they find different ways to beat you. And they got a bunch of characters on the team like this guy, Hunter Pence. He jumps up. He looks like a, he looks like an odd guy and pose use clutch. They're a very clutch team. They know how to win. But the right now the Royals are on a high. They're young guys and they're feeling invincible.

They got a three headed monster coming out of the bullpen. They got a seventh inning guy and eighth inning guy. You know, they shorten the game now. So they figure if they go six innings, boom, we got you. We got three guys coming in the seventh to eighth and ninth. We're going to kill with, you know, you're done. They feel like after six innings, you're not beating these guys. They're all throwing 98, 99, 100.

I mean, it's lights out shit. You know, but the, but the Giants, they have a shot. They do have a shot. I even know I think the Royals will pull it off. I just have a feeling it's just their year. You just know that, you know, it's going to have. They didn't go this far. They fucking dropped the fucking.

You didn't go. I mean, it would be fucking great if they went 12 and 0 and they ran the table. I don't know if they're going to run the table, but wow. Would that imagine my said, well, I predicted tonight they're going to go 12 and 0. Bet the ranch. But you know, you don't want to do that

because you never know what's going to happen. Look at the shape of this fucking mud. Look at the shape of this fucking mud over here. Are you going to watch the World Series? Probably not. When it's not the Red Sox, it's kind of hard. Sometimes it is kind of cool, but the season so long at this point, I've kind of got my teams on it

and I've kind of just moved on to football. So if the Red Sox in it, you don't watch it. You don't have any other teams. No, I want to like the daughters to go with Paula, but I'll go to the games. But I don't care about the daughters. Look at the shape of you. This is what you do to me with the fucking.

How many milligrams with 200? It was 200. No, yes, it was. I gave you a half of 35 milligrams. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. What do you take? A tranquilizer?

No, I'm trying. It feels like that. What did you give him? Oh, those things. He's all fucked up as usual. You can't be getting fucked up on the air. You're working now. I said, tell Joey that in the longest show.

I'm going to go have Chiba. I go, I'm working. You guys could be smoking pot. I'm not fooling around. I'm working on my pot here. This was way before Chiba. I'm fucking me and Joey got wrapped one day. Ever tell you that story?

He's going somewhere. I'm going. They wrapped us. You know, like when you're done, we got wrapped early. Then we got unwrapped and they called Joey and they called me in the car. Joey goes, listen, they unwrapped us. I go, I know.

I go, we got it. He goes, what do you want to do? Dog, I go, I got to go back. He goes, I don't give a shit. I ain't going. I said, Joey, they unwrapped us. Let's go back. He doesn't go back.

I go back. I get wrapped again. So I got unwrapped. I got wrapped, but he never fucking came back. And I was like, that's not good, Joe. Here's a big movie over here. Just come back and do the right thing. I knew there was no fucking way.

I know, but it just, it's just a point. Wasn't a big deal. It was just funny. We got wrapped, unwrapped, then we got wrapped again. You didn't come, but it was no big deal. Nobody was really mad. I was in my hotel room in the shower. Yeah.

I'm going to fucking unwrap myself and take a bus bike down. It's over. What a great movie. Why don't you send me fucking home? It's over. Terry Crews, he's doing well, huh? Bro, everybody's doing well, except you and me and Lobo.

I know. Everybody in that movie is doing well, except you and me and Lobo. We're fucking forgotten soldiers. We're not done. They gave fucking Terry Crews a spank. He just met Chris Rock and he got a special on that fucking thing. And I like Terry Rock. I like that show he's doing.

A lot of people say, did you ever get in on that? I'm like, how could you do a cop show without me? I've played so many cops. I mean, I'm playing a great cop. I mean, I'm like, that's not that legitimate, that show. I mean, I haven't even seen it, but I'm like, my God. It's a good show. Is it all right?

It's got its moments. But did you go in for it? I went in. I did it. Oh, you did a season. All right. And I was very impressed with them. Yeah.

Very impressed. Terry was great to me. Oh, Terry's I love him. He saw me. He went crazy. See, Terry was great to me. He's great. It was funny because he was reading his lines and I was right there.

And also he just went, is it funny? Yeah, I like it. Who writes it? I have no idea. But it's not Barney Miller. No, it's a different style of comedy. And it's silly. Right.

It's goofy. And it works. It does work. It really does work. I was very dog. I don't watch an episode. I be honest, I never watched an episode. I was very surprised.

Sometimes you give something a chance and you really, like I saw this movie, Chef, that I really liked. And I saw it again. And the guy did a great job. Favaro. That's a good movie, man. Favaro is great in this movie. Who played his assistant?

I didn't know his name. Leguzamo? Leguzamo. He was amazing in it. He was great. Convali, who's the hottest actor. He was in it too. He's so freaking hot, Bobby.

He's Park Cuban, Italian. He's buzzing right now. You didn't see New Jersey? Huh? You didn't see New Jersey. That's where my mother's born. Convali? I'm from North Bergen.

It's like Studio City in North Hollywood. It's the same fucking thing. It's a good movie. It's really good. And it's funny. And it's poignant. It's really good. I just saw it.

I mean, you see a movie the second and third time. I'm like, the music's great. A lot of Cuban music in it. I mean, he did a nice job. He's a good director. And a good... Oh, John Favaro? He directed and starred in it.

He's starred in it. And he's really good in it. He's like really good in it. And I was like, I told my brother, you should see it. And he's like, oh, he's directed a few movies. I'm like, I know. But just see it. He's so freaking...

My brother sometimes is like a hot ass when it comes to like... I'm like, it's a good movie, you know? You gotta still enjoy things. Still be a fan. But when you see a movie like that, you get inspired. Because you go, there's still room for like a really good movie. And it's funny. Funny as shit.

And it's good. Every once in a while. Somebody does make a great movie. Yeah. You know, I love Ben Affleck. I like him. I like him. How's this new movie?

It's okay. I'm not a big... I want to see it. It's tremendous. The judge? No. You're talking about Gone Girl? Gone Girl.

Of Ben Affleck. Yeah, I'm not a huge David. What is it? Fincher? Yeah. It kept me on a string for freaking... Do I need to sit there two and a half, three hours? It was all right.

I know a movie I like of his that I really like, the bank robbery movie. Oh, I was on the other side. That is terrific. That's better than August. That is terrific. That's better than August. That is terrific.

That movie's underrated. That movie makes me fucking sweat. I watched that movie 95 times. The other day was on Saturday. I never get tired of it. I love the town. The town is my movie. The town is better than August.

I watch it every fucking time TNT puts it up. I love the town. I love the fucking town. Every time TNT puts it up. Love the town. He impresses the shit out of me in that movie. That is such a good movie. Oh, my fucking god.

I'm telling you, I would like to make a movie like that. And when he walks into the guy, and he tells the guy right off the bat, you're just a fucking old guy with a fucking face. Right. Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Right.

Right. And he goes, anytime. Even to see him with Renna, when he's with Renna, he's like, you know, I'm leaving this fucking town, man. Tremendous. I'm leaving this town. Tremendous. I'm leaving this town.

I'm seeing him. That's a good movie. That's a good movie. I didn't think you liked it that much. He's tremendous. Yeah. I love the movie. I tell you, I love it.

I mean, what do you think of Wahlberg? You like Mark Wahlberg? He's pretty good. He's funny as shit too, man. I'm watching Two Guns. I'm digging it more. I watch it. I, you know, he's, Mark is good.

I like the departed. The departed. He's, he's one of the best things. And I thought they were all pushing in that movie. But Mark, I like in that movie. Mark is good. Mark is good. And he's funny as shit too.

There's something funny when he gets hysterical. He gets really, really hysterical. You know, he really like takes it to a, takes it to another level. And he has a, you know, I don't know. I just believe him. Do you see, do you see him in 10? Ted was one of the better ones I've seen.

He's fucking good in Ted. He's funny as shit in Ted. I, he's very funny. He's getting high and everything. I'm a comic. You know, I started as a stand-up comic. I always dreamt of maybe being an extra in a movie. But I never thought nothing would ever occur to me.

But now, you know, I've been here 17 years and I've done fucking movies with the best and the worst. So you know when somebody's faking it. When you watch them, I know when somebody's faking it. It's amazing. Oh yeah. I can see it myself. And everybody talked about this American hustle.

There was only one motherfucking savage in that movie. De Niro. No. Yes. He was tremendous. He was great in that scene. And Batman, the guy who played Batman was all he. But they were all trying too hard.

He was ahead above everybody. Everybody else was trying too hard. He was ahead above everybody. But when he came in and I once seen De Niro, he went back like in time and he was like, let me show all you guys the way it should be done. Let me show you right here right now. Watch.

Watch me. Because I'm still going to wax every one of you. But in a nice way. But he did it. He was beautiful. And he broke into the Arabic way. He was tremendous in that one scene. Even though he's kind of sold out.

And he's not, you know, De Niro, taxi driving, you watch those old. But he's great in that scene. He's 70 years old. Yeah. 70 years old. Think of people you knew growing up who were 70 that were fucking gone.

Who bought. And he still has it together. Yeah. For 70. Well, he's always working. He never stops working. He won't stop. The guy's a workaholic.

Even Pacino. I mean, he's still, you know, he's out there. He's crazy as hell. But I just, I just left my ass off when I see him. I saw him in some, was that movie there with Keanu Reeves the other day? Plays The Devil. It's an old movie.

Tremendous. The Devil's Avenue. But he's so fucking funny. Even when he's over the top. And he's so over the top sometimes. I saw him doing that cha-cha. What is that dance that they do? Oh, I was dying laughing.

When she's sucking his dick. Yeah. And his teeth. He plays The Devil. His teeth and see his teeth and smiles. And they say when he shows up on the set, he's like Zombo. Yeah. Remember Zombo?

Yeah. From the episode of Zombo. And he wants, he was just a plain white guy. And they say he shows up no teeth, no hair. They got to put patches on him and shit. I just love, I don't know what it is about him. Even when he's bad. You know, even when he's like over the top, you're like that.

But then I say, but like, you know, like the scent of the woman, you know, he's not a snitch. I don't went here with bad man. What is a bad man? He goes, you know, he just loved him. He was good in the heat. I just watched Heat the other night. He's good.

You know who's good in heat? Really good in heat? De Niro. De Niro is really good in heat. De Niro is very grounded in that movie. You know, I remember that one scene when I saw it in the movie dead. And he's like, you know, I like it was just sitting here. He goes, but baby, you are going down.

And De Niro goes, there's a flip side to that. I was in the movie theater and the black guy went crazy behind me. And I was dying laughing because it's not like black people when they're watching a movie. There you go. They respond to the movie. I saw do the right thing with a black audience with Spike and my brother. You never saw anything like it.

It was an out of body experience. There was like, they were, they were, they took over the movie. I was dying. I might sit there. My brother, this is insane. I thought we might not come out alive. That was the movie. You had to see it with that audience.

You got to see shit with, you can't decide something unless you serve it with people. Because people will tell you what is good, what is funny, what is, especially a black audience. They know what the fuck they're talking about. They do. They're my biggest fans that come up on the street. I love you. I love you because they know, they understand, they understand what's real and what's fake. You just said it.

I look at a guy, I'm acting with a guy. I can tell right away. This guy is a fake. Oh, it's hard. He's imposter. It's hard for me to keep a straight face. You know, then sometimes I have to give the guy a little something. What do you mean?

What do you mean? You know, just, you know, I said, just, just take it this way. Or maybe do that. I mean, you know, I indirectly direct sometimes guys that I'm like, I know they need to help. You're not ready, man. Come in here. You got to be fucking come with something. And we had, we were doing a scene of blue bloods and we're trying to get this guy to hit the guy.

Finally, me and the director told the guy, slap him in the face. Slap the fucker. Slap him one time. Just one time. It was maybe because you know, it just, I couldn't get it until he slapped the guy. Needed to slap him. Sometimes you need to be slapped. What are you going to do?

You know what I mean? He needs to get slapped right now. Look how fucking high he is. What are you going to eat? Where are we going? No Tonys. Where are we going? Tony.

I'm trying to go anywhere. You what? I'm trying not to go anywhere. Always stop at the right. You're going to go home and kill 22 turkeys. I know. It looks like he's like half asleep this guy. No, I'm not asleep.

I'm just really high. Are you really higher than last Monday with Ari? No. No, because we passed it around. Look at Joey. Look at me. Nothing even happened. I ate one before I came.

I know you do. You always do. And then the half. Okay. And nothing. I'm over here because I don't want to affect me. You do? I have the fucking tolerance of a fucking billy girl.

You bad man. It's Monday night. The church. Or what's happened? This is how we do it, dog. Just three fucking dudes talking shit on a Monday. What else do you want? Lies.

What do you want to hear? Things people haven't fucking done. Fuck you and all those. That's what we got. That plaque. I got that plaque too. Big deal. 58 million.

58 million. We got nothing. Somebody made that fucking noise. A couple of residuals were nice and then they went away. Sony fucking. And maybe you're telling me the first residuals going to be good, Nikki. I couldn't wait.

It was the second one. You said the second one, Nikki. The second one. Shit. It worked. They were good. I had that mother. I was waiting for that motherfucker.

After I saw that Spider-Man 2 Money, I was like, what the fuck? That's what I want. I want one of those again. Oh my god. I don't know why. What? How do they send you these checks? Oh man.

I remember calling my wife and going, Terry, I got to check for this much. He goes, I'll be home in an hour. That bitch took the train home from downtown. We went to the bank. They wouldn't deposit it. Shit. I had already the Coke dealer on the phone.

I had the Colombians. I had the whole, what is that snoring? What is that? Who's snoring in here? Are you all right, Lee? Yeah, it wasn't me. That was a sucker. I think that was me.

I'm just really raspy. They imagine like transformers. I never asked my brother. I wonder what those suckers are like. There's nothing like residuals. I love the fucking residuals. When they come in, you know, and they come in. You watching?

You watching my line? You don't watch them. I don't watch them online. No. I just open the mailbox. You got a monitor on my line. You do? How do you monitor them?

I think they're screwing me right now. I'm waiting for some, I'm waiting for some stuff. You got to go on sag.org. And what do you do? You sign up and then you put an email address with a code and it says residual tracker. Oh, really? And you start looking at your residual tracker

and they even have a page for lost residuals. Because they can screw you? Not to think it could screw you. They don't listen. They all screw you in a form or not. But if you don't get a check from sag, they won't send it for 90 days. Like, if sag sends you a check and you don't get it,

you have to wait 90 days before you can file a claim. Yeah. Like, you need that fucking money. I know. I just found some money that was in trust. They called me, tracked me down. I'm like, this one of them was from one of the Kevin James movie.

I'm like, they thought my son was me and all of a sudden, how much? Wait a fuck. I need this money. Now I'm going crazy. Just try to get it finally sent to me, you know? Oh, we got money in trust for you. Like, well, I need it.

Let's go. They have a page that you go to. They'll tell you whether or not they have checks down there. Right. Sometimes they say. But how do you track like these shows that are like, you know, you can track like when a show is. No.

What you track is when they get a check and when you're going to get it. How much they're going to pay you, what they pay you for, pay TV, real TV, VCR money, you know, like DVD sales. First run, first run, you know, network is nice. That I like. I love those 3,400 ones. Right.

Those are good. They always want to match it. Yeah. What are the second ones go for? The second, like if it on the network, if the network as it a second or third, you know, like half. So it's like half of that. 256 for a year.

Like, let's say my name is Cheryl. So I see Blue Bloods doing a lot of CPS rebounds on Sunday nights that I'm in. Yeah. So you're wondering. Yeah. Oh, you get the full pop. Yeah.

You get the full fucking pop. Yeah. If in the first season. From the first season. So yeah, you get the rerunning it on a Sunday night. Yeah. Yeah. You get the full pop.

And I'm like, I haven't seen much from that yet. I got to check. It's amazing how your money. What were we talking about before the show started? You said we got to talk about this. What? So we'll do it with money. And residuals.

Not residuals. Um, it was essential. There's this. Oh, that will come essential. But there's a show on Fox right now where they're not paying comedians to do the show. And the EP of the the EP of the show is the owner of the club.

They're filming it out. And it's just. But I thought it was segments from different comedy clubs. It might be. But it did one of the main clubs. The guy owned it is the EP. And it was just it was crazy. It's like, how could they ask somebody

that they're making advertising money on to do that for free? I'm gonna trade it for exposure. Like the comics, these are comedians. It's just like movies now. They don't want to pay you. It's like, you know, yeah, we want you in the movie, but we want to give you, you know, 500 bucks a day or something.

What can't do this for free? You know, you got to pay me. You want me. You got to pay me. What did you just finish shooting for HBO? Oh, this thing called crime that my brother's starring in. It's an eight and eight, eight episode miniseries, but I only did like one episode.

I was supposed to do two or three, but it was just a small part. Yeah. And then you also have the Kevin James movie coming. Kevin James. And I got this little movie that I did in Montana that's called Subterranean. That's actually a great little part that I did.

It's like this guy was a homeless guy. It's a weird little indie, but it might get in one of these festivals, you know, and it was like a, it was a, it was a terrific little part. And the guy had me like in the first 20 minutes of the movie. So I told the guy, I said, listen, instead of me dying in the first 20 minutes, why don't you re-edit, spread me out through the whole movie?

And he goes, brilliant. I love it. So he spread me out throughout the movie and helped the movie. And the movie is going to come out, but it won't be like a, you know, a big, a big movie, but it's a nice part. Because I did whatever the fuck I wanted. I was in Montana, the middle of nowhere where they did,

a river runs through it, all these, all these, you know, fresh rivers and everything. But I was in Montana playing a homeless guy. And it was, it's a nice little part that I did, you know, but I, I hope some people get to see it. You never know what those things, you never know. Sometimes those indies can be, you know. People see it, the right people.

The right people see it. If the movie, if it finds, you know, if it gets maybe Sundance or something, you know, sometimes you just got to be lucky, you know, sometimes something that people see. Now there's nobody else see it. Now who knows, you know, but at least that's good. At least not a piece of shit.

Sometimes you do something for money. And it's a piece of shit. It's a piece of shit. And sometimes you do something for regular money. You just lean towards it. There's something in the script that you connect with, you know, it's three days. It's painful.

You know, what the fuck? I know involved with it, you know. Well, yeah, it's just like, you know, I had blue bloods. I almost, it was one scene that I almost didn't even do. And then I didn't. Luckily, you know, it led to like 40 episodes or whatever, which I was doing more.

But it's just, that's the way it is. But I mean, still, you know, you never know. As a measure to do one scene. How lucky are you, you're still in Hollywood. Whether or not doing major motion pictures, just a thought of being here still. I mean, there's probably is more work in New York. We could do theater in New York.

We do all these things. But I wake up every morning, I'm like, I can't believe I'm still fucking here. That's true. I can't believe I'm still here. It's true. And I'm making money. Because I remember.

Not money, but I'm getting, what I'm trying to say is I'm working. I'm not making money, but we're working. And that's, that's huge. That's huge to just be working. At least working. You're working. I'm working.

It's not what we expected. It's not the house in fucking Malibu with the 10 maids and people flying in and sucking dick. And, you know, Puerto Rican naked serving on derbs. That's not the plan. It's not the way it worked out for us. You know, Brad Pitt had those looks. And that's what happens.

He ended up marrying some chick that'll suck the blood out of your dick and put on a gold chain around her neck. You know, that fucking dirty animal. Oh my God. So, you know, it's just amazing. And I hate saying that. It's just that we're working.

That's the word. It just does something to me. I look around. I can't believe I'm here. Yep. I remember. I go back to NYPD Blue seven out of 13 the first year. I was like, what does seven out of 13 mean?

I didn't even know that. You know, if they didn't really like me, that seven out of 13, I could have been fucking history and back in New York. I didn't know. The guy goes, you know, we like you. We're going to pick you up for the back nine. What does that mean?

Well, you're going to be here for this year. I remember one of the guys, Burton Armiz, goes, hey, don't get too comfortable. You might get a year or two out of it. And I was like, oh yeah. I don't know. I was never thinking. I remember that first season.

And I thought I did 20 out of 22. 20 out of 22, the show was big. I made bullshit money. But the show was tremendous and huge. And I got nominated for an Emmy. My mother goes, Nicholas, you got nominated for an Emmy. I'm like, what? I was just happy they didn't fire me.

I was happy they didn't fire me. I'm asking Red Devil. Am I okay? How's my, do you think I'm all right? You know, I'm just checking to see if I'm, you know, I was a major show and major players and guys that have experience up to the Gazoo. And I never, I never thought about, you know,

I'm going to be here for the next 10, 15. How many episodes do you end up doing? I'm blue, over a hundred. Oh, shit. I did six in a, I did six years. And then I did six shows in the seventh season. I kind of have a little bit of a, you know, I wish, I wish it would have ended a little nice.

I mean, it wasn't a terrible ending, but I went off to do a mini series for De Niro. And then I left the show one year to let me out to do it. And then when I came back to kind of, kind of held it against me. It was weird. It kind of held it. I remember asking Jimmy Smiths about that.

You think I should do it? I mean, this is a great opportunity. You have to play Sammy Gravano. And De Niro was hiring me. He wanted me, not the network. He wanted me. And he was like, yeah, you got to do it. Go talk to them.

You know, go, go talk to botch. Go ask them, you know. And, you know, at that time in the fifth season, I'm thinking, this is a great, how could I, how could I say no to this? I mean, I wasn't asking to quit the show. I just said, can you let me out? And then when I came back, it was, I saw, I was like,

I was the low man on the totem pole. I don't know what happened, but it was like, it definitely like, you know, in their eyes, you know, would have been nice. I mean, the final five years, I mean, because I was starting to really make some money then. So they kind of like, you know, I kind of like, maybe I wasn't company enough.

Who knows? But I had some pilots after that. I had a development deal, WB, then CBS, two that just missed getting on the, so I almost, I almost had, I could have, you know, had, I'm not saying it could have been like Kevin or somebody like that, but I could have had a hit show. I mean, I had a couple of good sitcoms that were very good.

And one that everybody says to this day was before it's time. Billy Gardell was in it. And it was a good show. And Billy Gardell was a character in my show, you know? I like Billy. I mean, but, you know, hey, sometimes you're just not lucky. You know, when I think back to that WB show, man, and people were high fiving me and we were fucking edgy.

And it was funny and we were edgy. We were on to something and I didn't get on the air. You know what I mean? So look at the opportunities, bro. Yeah, but hey, I learned a lot. Red Devil was in the audience. He was like, that's tremendous, Nick. He knew, you know, he knew Red Devil,

but he never threw me a bone. I mean, I was helping him with something. He gets back on the TV, he's God. And now he's done, right? He's on TV. He got rich. He's done, but he got rich. Nine, nine years, 10 years.

Rich, filthy rich. Unbelievable, man. Unbelievable. Just exactly that's what I mean. Dude, who's Red Devil? What's his name again? Red Devil, I call him Red Devil. Caruso.

Caruso, man. You know, and we were tight. Look at the shape of fucking Lee. Look at him. He's nodding off already. He's done. Thank you, brother. My pleasure.

Thanks for having me. And hopefully we could do this major league baseball podcast with you and really start that up. Lee loves baseball. Look at him. Lee don't like nothing now. What do you think about Lee? A grilled cheese with bacon.

God, it's not going to hold diner. That would be good. And sticks. Can he check it when on fire? What? Skinny. Skinny. Yes.

Skinny kitchen. Con fireprown. Skinny kitchen. Call on fire. And the guys tried to burn it down but they're not Jews, I tell you. No, they're not. They tried to burn their own place down.

But these people don't want to use Jews out here. They think they're white. They want to throw fucking... What's the shit they use from the barbecue grills? Truck hole? No, the other thing. To burn a place down. You got to use a Jew if you're going to burn your business down.

That's the only way it works. Let me give it a fucking shout out to the sponsors. I'm going to call it a night hit tonight. Number one and always. Hitty Sigs. I'm smoking one of those cigars right now. Hitty Sigs. Longer lasting, better flavor.

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Why are you going to these places to get a fucking razor? You're taking time out of your busy day. You got to go there and pay $22 for a razor with a flashlight. It's got a hook to pick up. That's crazy. Fuck that. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. You could shave yourself for $1, $6 or $9 every month.

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Everybody wants to be part of the walking dead. Fuck these sheep. Be yourself. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. Today, DollarShaveClub.com. And go to the box and press in. Church. And start shaving the right fucking way.

Also, I want to give a shout out to my favorite people. Crespo Jewelry. I'm Bergen Line Avenue in Cubaville. In Union State, New Jersey. For all your Cuban gold needs. They got chains. They got Santa Maria stuff. They got a fucking knife made out of gold.

Oh, I need that. Go see my main man, Crespo Jewelers. They ain't fucking around. What do you tell them? And listen, this week, Wednesday, we got a 6 AM podcast. He's got to go to Miami. So 6 AM with my man, Billy Corbin. He's going to talk about the reboot documentary of cocaine cowboys

and the other one they released on. Yeah, so he's going to call in. That's it, guys. That's it. It's fucking late. What the fuck do you want from me? Nick Tatoro came, he dropped some knowledge on you. He put his glasses on so he thinks he's an intellectual.

And everybody's here, you know what I'm saying? What's up, Lisa? How are you feeling? I'm really high. How are you? Good. Good. You look high, but you look healthy.

How many pounds you up to? 63. 63. What are you doing? How many times you go to the gym this week? I haven't had a day off this month. Still? Because every time I get good, I have edibles.

And then that takes me back two days. And then I just, I don't know. I don't really know what the fuck you're talking about. I love you guys. Have a great week. See you Wednesday. Nick Tatoro, thank you. Thank you.

See you Wednesday at 6 AM with Billy Corbin. I love you guys. Have a great day tomorrow. And remember, live your fucking dreams. Don't let nobody fuck with you. Fuck these cocksuckers that come up to you with that bullshit. Tell them something like Dick and call me shorty. I was born in 1984.

Take me out with some D-Train. Come on, baby. Let's do it, baby. A little bit more D-Train again after this. Fuck Van Halen. Okay. Come on. Read the fucking book.

I am. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for DollarShaveClub.com. Get a high quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com. Pull it to the last church. Or just go to Jody's at night and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. Go to Anand.com. Look at the shape of you.

He's going to church to get 10% off. Any other great products, Apple brand new moves from Tech Immune, Chinook Sport, and lastly, go to HitE6.com. The poop is in the vape. Better tasting, longer lasting. Use code word Joey's church to get 20% off. And by the way, the chef told me to stop by. He's getting us something special for Wednesday morning.

It'll be light. Something like this, but a little lighter. 30 milligrams. You just don't know. It's too low by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. I'm riding on a cloud, what's the shot that I found in my home? Baby, hold on tight for the rest of my life, don't let it fall. You just don't know what you did to me.

But I'm not the same. I'm not the same. Since you gave me love and tear up from the rain. You just don't know how you make me feel. Don't we love, don't we love you, Lord, we love. I got love, I got love, love to die love. From your love, my soul's on fire. I've turned up on the cloud, shout out loud if I want to be.

If you love by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. I've turned up on the cloud, shout out loud if I want to be. If you love by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. If you love by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. If you love by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. If you love by my side, the world will be mine next once in a minute. You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

Forever and a day With a lover standing side of me We can turn this world around We can live through all eternity And we never test the ground We'll take your chance You're playing that far away The light of love will shine on us

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