Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #224 - Joey Diaz, Billy Corben and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 22, 2014

Billy Corben, Director of great documentaries such as "Cocaine Cowboys" and "The U" calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 10/22/2014. Music: Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains the Same Van Halen - Mean Streets Snoop Dogg - Gin and Juice

This show is sponsored by NatureBox. NatureBox ships great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy and delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free NatureBox sampler box at naturebox.com slash joey. That's right guys they're really free, they don't charge for shipping, three small bags, one big bag, it's great. Free NatureBox snacks are found at naturebox.com slash joey. This show is also sponsored by onit.com. Use code word church to get 10% off of any of their great products, alpha brain, new mood, shroom tech immune, shroom tech sport. Joey used a strong bow when he was getting his knee back together. Still using it. Code word church to get 10% off. If you go to

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fuck about him or Renee's old widow. We're talking about you cocksucker life today. What are you gonna fucking do today? The song remains the same. That's it. You get up, you stab a motherfucker, you eat, you get your dicks up and you fucking live another day. That's it. And your dream continues. Wake up. Get a fucking number. Bazooka your fucking neighbor's asshole. The church is coming at you cocksuckers. What? Kick that motherfucker leave. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive here. Nice and chilly here in southern Los Angeles. The fuck we live. I don't know what's happening cocksucker. Not much. I uh you really

does give you a good it's a good day when you get your dicks out. Like I came in with I came in with Steve Simone on Sunday. He's like you look good. I'm like I sex today. True. It's always a good day when you have a little dick sucking. You wake up in the morning, puts a little pep in your step. Who needs fucking Christians when you get your dicks up? We're here cocksucker. I know Joey you know six a.m. ones we like to say listen we try to do everything you know I have to take a I have to do some shit tonight. I gotta take a flight early tomorrow morning so we figured what the fuck let's do the podcast six a.m. We got my main man Billy Corbin coming in. We get to talk some shit again. You guys get to see what the fuck is cracking and that's it. What's up with you? We

got a nice present yesterday. I want to give a big shout out to Bob Lemgis from Chicago. The fucking badass city of Chicago. I went to my mailbox the other day and I got a bunch of stuff and there was a card in the bottom and there was too many people online so I don't go to the mailbox a lot. I go like once a month and I pulled out the card and I brought it back yesterday and I put my hand there. He sent me a Dr. J book tremendous. I'm going to read it on the flight tomorrow. He sent Lee a beautiful Boston Red Sox Yarmulke. Oh my god. He was so he you called me from the mailbox. I almost had a heart attack down here now. Fucking Boston Red Sox Yarmulke. Nobody doesn't like that. Nobody. So we want to thank you Bob from the bottom of my heart. I emailed you

last night. Thank you very much for the nice gift and stuff we like and then he sent Mercy a little a doll team umi zoomie doll count to one two three. So my heart goes out to you brother. Thank you very much. What's up. That was a lot. That was a lot of fun yesterday. I have I saw I've I don't see mercy that often because we do this twice a week and you're you're so busy now on the road that that's I pretty much to see you these two times a week but I was able to I went over to your house yesterday morning and Mercy's getting big and she was scared of me when I first walked up and she's never really she's not that she doesn't like me but I she just doesn't understand who I am but I had my laptop out and she like was coming she like she knows what computers are

so she came over she was playing with it and then she just like I asked you what website and you're like she likes YouTube so put something on and like she got in my lab we watched like almost like an entire episode of Dora it was like but I don't know how still like how you do it because she keeps I was telling paul last night that she just when she's playing she just always walks backwards so now it's petrified she's gonna hit her head on something oh constantly she walks backwards she trips on my feet she falls on the slip is you know man she's a tough little girl it's uh it's been great watching a little baby grow up uh when I had this when I had this opportunity before I I neglected I was young and stupid and addicted to drugs but I'm having a great time I'm

breathing I'm taking every breath with her you know I'm doing it the right way I take it to the park I I spend as much time as I can with it because why have a family all right we've been blessed with this uh fucking blessed I'm starting to sound like these rest of these fucking morons we have been pretty lucky that we got the podcast going on I get to go on the road so during the week you know I get to write a little bit and spend time with her that a lot of people couldn't you know they have day jobs right I'm very thankful for that have you thought about that because my dad worked nights uh he wasn't on the road ever but as a kid I didn't really I knew that he was home but I didn't understand I probably didn't understand that most dads weren't so are you worried that she might be

like oh my dad's out here on the weekends but then like she won't realize that you're there in the week are you gonna sit down and talk with her or the goal is this man the goal is to get the fuck off the road the goal is to get on the road you know for the severity that you're doing I'm doing it now because the agent books me a lot and I like going out you know with the podcast but 2015 is gonna be a lot different I'm gonna slow it down a little bit you know and be home a little more two weeks a month every other week you know things add up I'm a little older I got a lot of shit on my plate there's a lot of things I want to do uh when you can move out to LA you're in LA you know this is a comics paradise so why leave it it breaks my heart when I see comedians

live in Los Angeles and they leave every Wednesday you're not giving Los Angeles a chance you you live in Los Angeles to to take advantage of movies and tv and whatever media options they have available to you you don't live in LA they'll be on a fucking plane and do the road it's great and it's advantageous and you make money and you get to meet people and the whole thing but you're you miss out on this but there's another side to this this business here and the film and television industry is completely dead I speak to people who are non-union and they're the only ones that are really going on for auditions that are working constantly I used to work at least once a month on film or tv and get three calls a month or four calls a month and I was always

chucking and jiving you always got a mind fuck going the mind fucks in the film and tv industry a few are far between do I want to do that every day no I don't if you see my lifestyle I like breaking it up so I have time for other things I learned a lot from Joe you know Joe never went on the road crazy he always had fear factor at the UFC you got to have a couple different irons in the fire so like that you don't burn out on one thing I don't want to burn out on stand-up there's nothing worse than burning out on stand-up you become a hologram up there and you're just going through your jokes with no emotion I want my jokes to feel fresh to me all the time right you know when I'm writing I want to be fresh I can't be fresh if I'm on

the road so like after this week I'm done for a while then I have three more weeks and I'm done for the rest of the year and I'm gonna revamp my schedule for 2015 I want to be home we complain about our children and all this shit you have to be home somebody's got to be home somebody's got to be home to greet your children at three o'clock I did the most damage growing up from three to five when they weren't home that's the most damage I do plus it's just great to be home I've explained this to my wife my wife's a workaholic I'm a workaholic I don't want that to be the case with this child right I want to make swift moves that make a little bit extra money and have time for the child we complain about our children but then we don't want to put the effort we put our lives

before that you know I see parents that go away on the weekends and shit and they complain that the kid's drinking show you drinking while you're fucking drinking and fucking and sucking he's in your medicine cabinet you know drinking fucking cough medicine eating cough drops and whatever in it so that's that's you know I was telling Lee this morning when I got here I came in this morning I thanked him we had a couple new meetings Lee and I have been doing the podcast for two years going on three pretty soon right three two two and a half yeah and it's really weird that at first Lee was just getting you know I expected a lot more from Lee but Lee didn't really know because I didn't really know we just didn't know what to fucking do but now the pieces

are starting to come together and it's a pleasure to see Lee taking control of this you know I learned later on in life something that that people tried to tell me nobody really could tell you this you know when you love something you just do it when you love playing the guitar and you want to be in a band you just do it okay you know you just do it and the more you do it you'll start to make money eventually the more you commit to it right and then you'll you figure out that this business is an eight fucking finger to hand prong you got to have your hands in a lot of things and you got to work a lot you know when I see somebody throwing to work in the mornings that means they don't like that job right you got to love what you do to make it easy like Joey well how do you figure out

what you love what you do I don't know there's an ask for every seat there's a thousand things out there and I had to learn this year because I even remembered asking you right when I first because November for me a year of not of just doing this and I when we first started I said how do you feel your days because when I first started we did this twice I didn't have any other podcast yet and I was like I had been so used to working a full 40 hour 50 hour a week I didn't know what to do and then I started some other podcasts and it's not that I didn't like this but like you were saying when we started the podcast you just this is still kind of new so you don't really know what it takes like there's not really a loop around yeah there's nothing from trial and error pretty much

and and some of the podcasts it's uh so some of the podcasts didn't didn't pan out the way we thought but everything that I did this year you like you say it to me almost once a month like it's a big education and it is and I don't want people to think like some people like will tweet me and be like oh I don't know how much money you're making or or or Joey should give you a raise I'm making very good money compared to a lot of podcast people some people only make 20 bucks a show I'm doing I'm I've been able to support myself for a year on this I'm doing fine but I'm not making what I was making when I was doing this in TV so it's it's been great even though it's a little bit stressful it's been great that's gonna motivate me because I was I'm doing this because I didn't

want the limitation it's it's nice to have a salary but it kind of it's the reason why people stay at the same job sometimes for 50 years which can be great that's a lot of some people are very lucky now that doesn't happen that much anymore but when that happens I've seen people get kind of complacent and that's what I was a little bit at the beginning of last year when I started doing this full time I had we had good money coming in and I was I was when you when you go from 50 60 hours a week to 20 it's like oh I'm gonna relax all the time but like this past weekend Paula didn't get mad at me because she's she's very understanding but I've been I've been redo I did read in my website and Saturday night Sunday night I was just I was just putting work

into it and I was thinking like there isn't there really isn't time off when you're doing something like this that you know I it kills me when people put a salary a roof on their salary and a roof on their lives right you know like you should never put a roof on anything you should always strive to make more money always strive to do whatever the fuck you want to do you know I and we all have different needs you'll learn you know you can only sit at home for six or seven weeks and go Jesus Christ I'm working eight hours a week right I'm doing two other podcasts and joey's what else can I do to something mine and I knew it would hit you life is a you have to work at it every day like I gave up on fitness for 15 years for 15 years I

didn't take care of myself I ate I drank I did drugs you know I did drugs for 30 years but 20 those years I took care of myself the other 15 there was a 15 year lapse and that hurt me that hurt my career because it all everything you know you never stop you you never stop you know yesterday I took mercy to the park and we were walking she must have fell down 50 times and she got up and I looked at at one point I go you know what every time she gets up she gets stronger every time she falls and she gets up she gets stronger you know we tried the podcast that didn't work but we got stronger now we know what we do when we attack other things you know you're gonna keep falling down in your life and you're gonna keep fucking getting up you know but when it comes to after

you're like 25 and you've been to college and that's why people are stuck because whatever you find you have to put your life into it you know and people like well this is just a job I'm doing to satisfy the masses until my dream comes true well do me a favor do that job 150 do it 150 because you're training for the bigger fucking picture because once you find something you love golf or MMA fucking give a guitar a band you're a singer you have to commit to it it's not just a rehearsal and the performance on saturday you got to write on monday you got to work on your throat on fucking tuesday you got to lift every day or run or your cardio to stay in shape so you're able to stay healthy to perform you know there's so many variables that are involved you have to be

a good friend to yourself you know when I was snorting fucking blow 10 15 years ago and going on the road no wonder I sucked because I was high I wasn't fresh I wasn't working out I wasn't committed my life wasn't into this you know I look at things down I tell people no I have to make time for myself I have that one hour you know every day I try to work out with the fucking knee without the fucking knee who gives a shit every day you do something to better yourself and I'm just very happy that you hit you in the head and that you see it there's a big picture I remember there's weeks that you were you hang with me and you know we do two podcasts and we go here and we have two sets and we go from the lab factory to the economy store the next day I talked to you and you're like

what time did you wake up in six and you're like Jesus fucking Christ that's what it takes yeah to get to that high level of whatever you jiu-jitsu Muay Thai you want to be a Muay Thai fighter your coach says you don't need to work out three days a week you want to be a fucking champion this is what you have to do and it's kind of like we were talking about because this oh this isn't just for jobs like you had a friend who you told me has two daughters and he works from home so there might be some people who who have decided like listen I'm going to make 50 grand a year and that's fine that's what I need that's what I need but I'm going to be raise my children with my kids so it's it's not all jobs you know when I was 25 to 34 from the age of 20 to 32 I'm not

going to lie to nobody I thought that marriage and uh you just worked I thought that you just worked I thought when you were a husband your job was to work and you came home on the weekends and uh whatever I didn't know that it's a 50-50 I didn't know that it takes so much balance it takes so much balance to be a man today it takes so much balance to be a woman you know you have to have a job you have to work out you have to stay healthy you have to do your creative you know whatever your creative outlet is whatever the fuck it is you want to party you know you want to suck dick I mean whatever the fuck it is you have to make time I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about this no you took out of books but uh no it's uh you got to

make time but I think you were probably one of the last generations that had that mom mom stays at home with the kids and dad works I feel bad kind of bad sometimes my mom my dad worked hard and my mom for the majority of my childhood was home but now it's kind of she's doing fine but it's kind of biting on the butt a little bit because she has a 20-year gap in her in her resume yeah so it's even though it's great it's it's not bad she had a life without the internet right if that happened to somebody today right you follow me you could work from home you could do little contracts as an attorney you could do pet uh what is that shit when you fucking notary yeah look at all black maybe do a thousand little things from your home today with the computer

right that you didn't have you could do services online for people you know there's so many ways to make a buck today and to still keep your dream alive you know and uh everybody everybody has watched you grown uh physically they've watched you grown emotionally they've watched you grow as a podcast guy and now I'm watching you grow into somebody who's digging their jobs you've already looked at the comedy scene you've seen what's going on and now you're ready to attack it that's what I saw yesterday when I was looking at you yesterday and living one like this kid's ready now you know you came to me a couple months ago and we discussed you being an intern for a manager and I go you know what man you're getting an education right now you're covering everything

you're covering a wide sphere of different things you're looking at comics we have actors in here who tell their stories we have writers who come in here and tell their stories yeah you could do you have the world by the balls now you're 26 and you have the world by the balls you could take this in any direction you want you know you're not going to be a manager the comedian in five years you're going to be a producing manager you're going to go to comics and say this is my idea I hope so it's uh if you nail it I become your fucking uh producing manager complete different from your manager we just do projects together and if we get this on tv boom we fucking uh I become the consultant or I become the executive producer or just want to produce it you get three

or four guys you become a producer credit you live your life fantastic right and you do something that you love which is fucking so important and people I get I get 60 to 80 emails a week and 10 of those emails are like you know how do you find what you love I want you to narrow it the fuck down what do you lean towards whatever you know you listen to music all fucking dang you smoke dope I don't know get a job as a record engineer go to a fucking record studio and tell him you want to clean waste bastards but I mean I for I'm sure I'm sure we have a bunch of new listeners I've loved stand-up comedy for as long as I can remember I've never I've never had the desire to do it but I've just always loved it and when I was out here doing the tv jobs that I hated

I wrote to a couple comedians but I just kept writing and I one day I wrote to you on Facebook and then almost four years later now so it's uh there's a lot of people will tell you you're crazy and and and this isn't this isn't the way to do it like when I was when I talked about being an intern at the manager's office it's kind of the old way of thinking that I have to get out of my head a little bit it's like okay how are you gonna get a job okay you intern so that's what I was thinking but then it's I'd be getting coffee and not that that's not valuable but that's unnecessary you told me that you were editing and one day you said that you had to put chairs together oh my first year in LA I had an assistant editor title but I was putting desks together

I was moving boxes I was I was cleaning labels off of camera cases I was one day because I would what I would do is and I would actually recommend this if you're in an office and doing something kind of find somebody who's been there a while and just kind of watch them I would just sit in editing and watch this one particular editor and then I'd ask them questions like why are you doing that how do you do that and my boss didn't like it and one day she came in and had me close the blinds in every in every office she's like I need you to close the blinds so it's just it's just that sort of stuff but it's uh I'm I'm almost kind of glad I did it because it it taught me pretty much perseverance and it's it was a shitty time in my life where I wasn't making

the money I should have been making I wasn't doing what I should have been doing but if I if I can make it through putting Google on on camera cases with a butter knife and scraping labels off I can make it through this edible it's it's it's crazy that when you get here and you think you have this dream out of college it's awesome they're like all right go put a chair together you just shattered I would be shattered if I went to USC yeah to the film program and I went to work for somebody goes all right the first thing you're doing is going to get the whole staff coffee grab a list I would be fucking shattered inside I could see me starting from scratch and walking into a place and going to get coffee but not after I did four years of

college that's just my well because especially in in this field when you go from high school to college you're probably one of the few people in your high school who'd made videos so you're one of the best there and then you go to college and it's a wake up because everyone was the best one in their high school making videos so then then you hear about LA and you hear about the guy who was there for six months and is now doing this and you just imagine in your head no one imagined in their head that they're going to be in the mailroom everyone imagines they're going to go in and in two weeks you're running the company and for the first year where I was desperate to do anything editing wise and I was downstairs in the storage rooms reorganizing beta tapes and

stuff like that it's just but it's it's kind of like comedy in a way where there were so many people at that job who I saw come and go and I start it took me I got my first job I interned out here with them and then I came back but once I came back it took me not 18 months to get another editing job because it's all about experience but it it taught me a lot and it's why I think this is going so well it's just time put into it I didn't I knew for a fact when I started comedy that I had to dive into it because by that time I tried everything I mean I'd done everything if I had a list that we had time I could write this stuff down from a a cook at cocos or chilies a cook trainee or bartender trainee to a bartender to a hottie I installed sprinklers I worked as

electrical fucking a contractor you know I did I it's amazing and did you think when you were doing them did you think this was your new career or was it always just a job it was a new career for four days and then it was like what the fuck am I doing in my life what the fuck am I doing here I could sell drugs and make more money and not the trenches I didn't see the I didn't see the rainbow at the other side I didn't see that if you worked there for six years you could probably be doing what these guys are doing and getting 20 or 25 bucks an hour I never saw that I always could never see time and now I really see time are you with me so when I was 26 I couldn't see time the first day I got there I would get the first four days I would do what you did I go up to

the highest guy and go look you're pretty good huh yeah I want to get you to get this good six years six years and got six years how dumb was I we all have nothing with time if you would have joined jiu-jitsu with me you would have been a blue belt now not me I'm still terrible I can't breathe because you're young you would adhere to it already it's two years you would have a blue belt already and that's how you have to look at time well you don't look at time like that when you're 26 or 25 now that I get older I look at people I go it's two years go for it yeah you don't know you have no idea how fast two years passes you have no fucking idea we've already done two years it feels like six months we've done two years we were at the apartment we're at the other office

we're here I didn't look at it that way that was a big mistake I made I never looked at time like that you know so I spoke to somebody the other day from Denver who I hadn't spoken to then I said that brother got 20 years I was like 20 years it's nonviolent they have to do 12 years and I said that's not that bad but when I was 26 or 27 I got convicted of felony and they wanted to offer me nine years I couldn't even dream in nine years no nine years to me was 30 yeah you know and it's really not when you look at something you get involved and once I was 30 I've been no economy 21 right 23 years whatever the fuck differences I must have been 28 when I got into comedy when I got into comedy I knew that it was the end all be all I knew that this was going to be different than

anything else I had ever done and I had to attack this differently than anything else I had I had ever done I was single I had no more commitments I was a life criminal I wasn't a criminal anymore like I was a life criminal I'd give it up on life and comedy was going to save me and the back of my mind I always thought comedy was going to save me I didn't know how I didn't know I'd be here 20 years later doing a podcast I didn't know I was going to be at the comedy store for some reason I just always believed that it would change me I don't know why and I was talking to Rogan the end on the phone after we did the Higgin Machado thing and I said you know I told him we spoke about it on the on the podcast last Monday about him not being a fighter and me not killing that

kid and I said to myself if people really knew how much I stole and how many creepy things I did in those years of thiefing like just stupid things that you know I was told Terry asked me let's know how I met George and I told her that I was living in a hotel he's still in a hotel like because you just didn't have anywhere else to go I lived in a hotel I enjoyed I didn't want any commitment so I lived in a hotel and there was a string of gas stations I had robbed all of them or every other one I had robbed you know that was my life and but when I got the comedy like when I was around nothing was safe these fucking these fucking earphones weren't safe because I always had value on shit I always had somebody I could sell shit to I always had people that would come

to me and go listen if you ever get studio equipment I'm your man so right there that made me alert on cameras and computers and shit you know so I'm just saying I was doing this I wasn't into all this but I'm just saying so nothing was safe with me but it's amazing that I have so much respect for comedy like I've never stolen the joke I've never stolen an idea I've worked hard for everything you know do you know you couldn't do that at the beginning of comedy like yeah I knew that I knew that I knew that because I didn't know if you were like oh I like that joke I'll try and then someone had to tell you I knew that you couldn't steal I knew that there was a stigma around it when I took a class they spoke to me about God bless us so Robin Williams

that if you go to the San Francisco punchline which I'm gonna be at next month there used to be a picture a ham or something there and he was a joke thief and people didn't like it and I never dreamed of it I watched something once about a comic a famous comic who was a joke thief in the old days there was like two at Milton Burrow maybe one of those guys was kind of a joke thief they even said Jackie Gleason stole some jokes or whatever I knew it was wrong and I just didn't want to do it I've always had a big respect for comedy I don't know why I don't know why guys I but as soon as I that all right so June 21st June 18th or something 1991 is when I got on stage you know I got on stage a month after that once a month after that till about October then I increased my stage things

it was like jiu-jitsu for me I would go twice a month and three times a month and then eliminate the fear we all have fear I all had fear I started taking this kid I worked with in Denver Jimmy Abedah you had a drive to Little Tim Colorado from Boulder which is an hour or something in those days at night they had an open mic at 11 o'clock at night that's how I met Jimmy Abedah on the stage that was huge it was 10 feet above people it was like a cabaret stage and I remember going up on stage at one in the morning bombing and driving that hour and really like having doubts about uh my career and my life like going wow I'm not gonna this isn't gonna work out for me I might as well get a gun and start thinking about going for broke like just robbing until either

they throw me back in jail or I shoot it out with some but I didn't know I just didn't know at that time but something made me get up and go do it again but I had so many doubts I didn't know I was going to go for it till 94 so I didn't want anybody at home to think that uh you know you just I jumped on the boat and I tried calmly in 91 and I continued to do it as a hobby I was a hobbyist I was really scared to commit I was asking questions I would write jokes I had the Judy Carter book and I would just dream but I didn't know what that dream entailed I didn't know the hard work it entailed at that time I didn't really go for it till November of 93 was two years in so two years in was when the switch came on so whether you're trying a band or you're trying something new

sometimes you're there but the switch doesn't go on I've been going to jiu-jitsu now for 19 months I'm going but the switch hasn't really turned on it's almost there it's almost there I need to kneel to knee the heel a little bit and I'm gonna go for a little bit more three times a week I'm gonna go to different you follow but it took me two years so I don't want anybody to think I think when a lot of comics explain their story I think that they you know you have to think and you have to decide what move I wanted to make and how I was gonna make this work I was still getting on stage but the the real comedian didn't come out for two fucking years not till I went to New York and I saw Chris Rock and I saw guys on stage John Leguzamo and I got it and I go okay if I'm

gonna go for it now this is it I gotta put blinders on and I gotta fucking dive in the fucking water without looking I was gonna ask if when you started you had hit rock bottom but then like if it took you two more years you must not have been at rock bottom or or what do you think listen as a as a performer as a worker as a human being I think in my life I hit rock bottom every fucking week because I get an epiphany something happens to make me stronger in my life I don't know about anybody else's life I hit rock bottom once a week I hit that's the time when the reefer don't help that's the time when reality settles I gotta get on a fucking plane I gotta do this and this and this and these things okay you know what I gotta pick it up a fucking notch right before Dane Cook hit

you know what the fuck we get invaded by Martians right before Dane Cook hit he went to the Houston live stop maybe a year before he hit maybe 14 months before Dane Cook really hit he went to the live stop and I called him up at the live factory like a week later because they told me that all the shows were sold out in Houston that he just rocked like I had friends in Houston like dog went to see Dane Cook at the last stop that motherfucker was ripping it plus the shows were sold out and at that time people were selling out the last stop on the weekends Rogan was but they weren't selling out Wednesday through Sunday not that fucking style right that was like Mitch Hedberg and and whatever Dane Cook and so when Dane came back I bumped into him one night I go

how was the Houston live stop and he was it was fucking great the only problem was it was just too much fucking work it was too many nights I gotta figure out how to shorten that yeah so Dane Cook at that point had an epiphany he hit rock bottom it's an epiphany same fucking difference yeah something makes you go oh I need a fucking v8 have you ever ignored an epiphany and like came back and bit you in the butt no like you knew you were supposed to do something no never I have I've ignored them and they've come back to bit me in the butt yeah and that's why now I don't ignore them the epiphany I had when I was shit in blood that night you know I was about to do the colonoscopy and I got on the couch I hadn't eaten so I was fasting so my mind was working

a different way I've been fasting for two days and I'm watching this being there which is basically about God and I remember how it was Marilyn's movie and she used to always bust my balls about watching it and that night I decided to go back to the store right there on that couch I decided a couple other things with my life but that was the main one that was going to go back to the store that just came to me on a Sunday night of four in the morning and when you picked me up at a quarter to five what did I say to you I told you in the car I'm going back to the store yeah that's that's and it's done it's committed that's it I don't have I don't I don't ever ignore a good idea what's a good idea and what's a bad idea you're not going to know until you try right so

there's no fucking bad ideas really yeah that happens to me a lot like I'll I'll think about something and then it's amazing the difference when you say it out loud because sometimes I'll come at you with an idea and as soon as I open my mouth I'm like oh that's that's not I'm at home thinking it's going to change the world I do it every fucking night I'm laying down now I've stopped ignoring can you believe after 20 fucking years 20 years it took me people of doing a bad habit 20 fucking years of doing the same fucking bad habit when you lay down you put the sleep apnea mask on that's when your world clears up you get ideas that a fucking david mammoth type ideas and the next thing you know you go to bed and you don't remember shit the next morning I don't

do that no more people I actually put my slippers on I take the mask off and I write it out because I got beaten up too many fucking times but it took 20 years of taking those beatings waking up in the morning going my wife going what the fuck were you laughing about two in the morning last night you know what I have no fucking idea I was gonna write it down I didn't I fucked up so these are little things that some things take a couple years you know the bottom line is how many times you're gonna let yourself get kicked in the fucking ass yeah and that's an epiphany how long am I gonna let these motherfuckers do this how long am I gonna let my roommate fucking make more money than I do how long am I you know he's a fucking moron he's a walking on

roller skates you know I went to college I got a degree I'm a smart guy how long am I gonna sit on this fucking couch how long am I gonna let people fucking bully me how long it's always how long how much longer these motherfuckers gonna kick me in the fucking ass and one day you get pissed off you take your belt you're tightening you go out then bitch slap motherfuckers and that's what it takes you have to live and die if you want fucking results you know you have to show up and live and die you know yeah and that's it I there's no other fucking way Lee and I'm just uh I see you going into this direction it took a while yeah it took a while to go you know what I'm making okay money but it's time to kick it up enough I want nice things in life I'm gonna go out I'm gonna do this

I'm gonna hustle this you got the cd with Steve you got a couple fucking good things what's going on with Steve Simone it's out he released it it's up for pre-sale that's up it's going coming out November 4th November 4th okay so we'll get him on the podcast and talk about now who who was on Jerry was on uh uh Gabriel show Gabriel show right did you watch it I didn't watch that one yeah I haven't recorded and then Steve's on this Friday this so what time does Steve come on this Friday I think he opens up the show it's at midnight I'm pretty sure the show is at midnight whatever time uh stand up our evolutions on okay guys please do me a personal favor Steve Simone is one of those kids that not only is he a sweetheart not only is he a fucking real comic he's quirky

as shit he's got his little fucking things he's a good kid and he works hard yeah if you go to lisa.com on the my work page I have a link to the cd he works really fucking hard and I'm very proud of him I mean him and I opened up a dice what what are we talking about 10 years ago I see a lot of of your path and him because when I write I don't even know how long before but right before I I caught up with you you had signed up to be a car salesman and and it didn't work out but I see a lot of that and Steve is that I think and I haven't even told him this yet I think because I got lighting in a bug I I met you at the exact right time if you had been a little bit more success I don't know but whatever the word is you wouldn't have had time for me and if you had been

less it wouldn't have been worth my time but like I caught you at the exact right time and I feel like that's happened with Steve a little bit that he's he the his comedy isn't the issue and I don't think probably your comedy probably wasn't the issue but it's just things catching on and it's it's fun to watch it's very great that you're watching that that you've seen different yeah things have to catch on and again it's from putting different things in the fire you know the cd stand-up revolution his road work the kids always at the gym the kids writing he's got a girlfriend now it all comes into place but he's worked hard at it I mean he lived with fat fucking chains for two years you have no idea where he lived with a kid would come home take his shoes off the

apartment with stink he wouldn't open the windows you know because when you're a comic you gotta make sacrifices yeah to live sometimes you gotta live in the shittiest fucking places of all time you know I remember with Josh Wolf one time up in Seattle my stripper girlfriend the one I found the aluminum phone her ass yeah who's getting married next month by the way right where she registered you know where she registered I wonder if she's got a aluminum fucking siding we were living in Seattle and we had an argument and she goes it's better if you move out and I asked Josh Wolf if I could move with him he goes absolutely he goes I got a room downstairs but at the time he had a st. Bernard and Mark Madison had some fucking hunting dog and they

would shit in the basement not clean it up and I remember going down there looking at these two rooms it would have taken me a year to pick up all this shit then another year to mop up all the piss oh no and I'm like I can't live down here so I had to live upstairs in this little fucking closet room I had my sports betting office and my it was just horrific we lived with three guys which is always a nightmare Josh was never there he just paid rent he just paid rent people came and gone he just paid rent there because he wanted a place just in case him and Malia would have a problem uh okay so he always had his own little place that's how I met Josh Wolf we should have seen this place in Seattle it was in Ballard in Ballard Washington that's amazing that I remember

that my girlfriend danced in Ballard at the most disgusting fucking strip club on one of those corners because she's a filthy fucking animal also and it was just a fucking horrible thing to look at this apartment but you had a sacrifice another time when I moved to LA I was looking for a place and La Jolla offered me a room in his apartment do you ever meet La Jolla the African comic no nice kid nice guy I met him also in Seattle La Jolla offered me a fucking uh whatever the fuck you call it room and I went over there and it was by Mexicanville like in El Centro or something oh my god oh shit oh shit oh shit good morning Buenos dias Billy Corbin on the line what's happening my brother

hey I I always love coming out with you because I feel like it's it's no bullshit I don't have to prepare I don't have to promote anything we just get to talk it's like it's such a relief it really is it's refreshing dog yesterday you tweeted something I don't know if we saw it about the guy who beat up the other guy for eating too many pork chops no what the fuck happened yesterday Miami well many people probably haven't put this together but but we actually have a rash of pork chop related violence in the state of Florida I remember this because two years ago I tweeted a story about a guy who shot his roommate twice in the face killing him because he didn't cook the pork chops right for dinner he didn't cook the pork chops right they had an argument

the guy loaded is 22 I think you've already loaded if you hear what I'm screaming they they load this 22 and shoots him twice in the face killing him so that was in December of 2012 and then yesterday it was reported that another dude in a different part of Florida fells near Florida he is having an argument with his nephew because get this his nephew eats three pork chops the uncle gets one pork chop and then uh the girlfriend didn't have any pork chops so I guess like that's not even under common core math that's not the proper way to distribute pork chops among three Floridians so the guy well the guy claims that his nephew grabbed a machete during the fight and threatened him with the machete the other guy the uncle had a knife in

his pocket because you know it's Florida everybody's carrying something uh the nephew's got a machete the uncle's got a knife and the uncle stabs him um and uh apparently he's gonna survive the nephew but I don't think he's ever gonna eat three pork chops again at dinner I could see you doing that Joey somebody cook something wrong you're like I just got stabbed oh I have that issue all the fucking time when I want to fucking hit somebody I'll wait or something when they fuck something up what's been going on my brother well we've been uh you know May 27th exactly I'll never forget it uh we started shooting a new ESPN 30 for 30 uh and they wanted to premiere on December 13th which is the fastest turnaround that we've ever had on a project before so we've we've been working

uh I shit you not just like seven days a week morning noon and night uh trying to get this this movie done and this is broke too uh this is of the you part two oh look at you first yeah it's our second franchise uh in the documentary world after cocaine cowboys and uh it's the first ever sequel in the ESPN 30 for 30 so it's kind of cool and they gave us a kick ass time slot uh after the heisman trophy ceremony which is like the best time slot they have for these 30 for 30 so it's it's uh you know high visibility high expectations and now we just need a movie the show how often how long does it usually take because May 27th to December 13th is like yeah six and a half months how long does it usually take thank you for asking because

ESPN didn't bother to ask us how long it usually takes I would say like 11 months is like the comfortable minimum you'd want to say 11 months for a feature doc it could take a little longer we did a uh documentary series for vh1 rock docs earlier this year called uh the tanning of America one nation under hip hop that was for one hour episodes that took a little bit longer than 11 months but usually 11 is like that's the minimum you know in order to turn out a quality feature documentary product and and here yeah so we're we're looking at about half that just over that amount of time we were talking at the beginning of this podcast about how when you're doing what you love uh there's no time off so I if you're doing in half the time you just

must have told everybody like listen there's no weekends we'll pay we'll pay you overtime but there's just we have to get this out in half the time we have to work in every shift well yeah don't get me wrong I don't want to sound like I'm complaining I'm not I don't want to be an asshole because I mean I I actually love what we do and and it's a it's a gift to get paid to uh to do it I mean let's get real in America in 2014 if you can make a living doing something that you enjoy let alone love I mean you're you're the luckiest son of a bitch going because I mean there's so many people who who who are not living any kind of dream uh in in this country uh day in and day out who are just justifiably uh miserable and so I'm very grateful I'm not complaining it's just

I I try to we try whenever possible to turn out a quality product for the people who you know who watch it who who are fans of of the of the story so it's just a little bit more pressure and we feel a little bit more stressed but when all is said and done we're not making it sure for a Bola or anything it's just a documentary I'm I'm cognizant well you must have a bunch of loyal viewers and our fans now and you won't get to put a thing up at the beginning of the documentary ESPN only gave us five months please don't judge us that harshly so if it doesn't come out well it's not going to look bad on ESPN and it'll look bad on you so I understand oh yeah oh yeah listen I I take I take the uh uh what are the your uh everyone will it will try to

share in your success but your failures are your own you know I mean when you when you make a good documentary like your math teacher from second grade starts coming out of the woodwork and it's like I taught him you know two plus two equals four you know but when when you when you fail you know which which which happens uh no no everybody's like boy Bill just screwed that one up didn't he uh so yeah we don't get that we don't get the uh we didn't have enough time disclaimer at the beginning of the doc and the scary thing is like I said this is like the highest visibility because we've got this live college football event the Heisman lead in and so like it's really just the audience is hours to lose uh at that point you know instead

of people having to kind of tune in especially for us like some of the other 30 for 30s have the the added uh you know stressor of having to do that we have we have the opposite problem which is like audience retention which means like you know we can watch him fall off by the quarter hour if we don't do a good job which is which is kind of a kind of kind of a bummer but uh uh but also cool because it gives us a a leg up and and I I think the movie's gonna gonna turn out pretty pretty good but but what do people say about sequels they always say the same thing it's not as good as the as the original so we've got that working against us too I gotta tell you something Billy uh ever since I've met you I hear your name once a week and in my eyes I don't see any failures

in your life I love all your work man I gotta tell you I have the option on Twitter like everybody else at home to follow whoever the fuck you they like or they want to follow on Twitter and I follow you I mean you entertain me more than entertain us and you're a fucking director a little Jewish director from Miami down there live you know you're an interesting guy you're very I'm telling you there's not a day that goes by that you don't make me laugh with a tweet because I would have tweeted the same fucking thing if I were to be that involved in Florida Florida is a fucking hilarious state and you make it funny you make it fucking funny the mayor he's doing the condos he needs 25 I mean you just it's like and to you it's just another day like Miami's they're getting used to getting

fucked in the ass it's like Hudson County New Jersey every man gets indicted every man gets indicted how the fuck do you live like that yeah it's impossible and politicians you know we've actually we recalled some politicians out here which which you know as Californians know doesn't it happens but it doesn't happen that often because when it happens or when a recall vote happens it it almost always ends in recalling the politician because the second voters can go to the polls and vote against somebody you'd not even vote for a candidate just say screw this guy they almost always turn out in droves to do that and so we've recalled a mayor after the Marlins park boondoggle where they literally are spending 2.4 billion with a b on a baseball park that nobody

wanted that nobody voted for uh for a private millionaire basically they built him a baseball park that virtually tripled the value of his base privately owned major league baseball team on the day they did this deal um and completely fleece the taxpayers we recalled a mayor uh over that and and and they're always our politicians are always saying how are we supposed to work how are we supposed to function when we have this thread of recall hanging over our heads it's like that's exactly how you have to function you have to think every single day of your life that you're going to leave the you're going to leave city hall in shackles if you screw up because otherwise these people just gleefully gleefully screw the public as it on the sky rise miami condo that

you're alluding to um the it's this big cock shaped building in downtown miami by bayside they're calling it and the developers are touting it as miami's eiffel tower and it's just this big penis shaped thing the only two things i've ever heard it compared to is a penis or a middle finger it looks like both and or or or either or and it's just like they promised it was going to be privately financed that's how they sold it to uh to voters and then the second they get their vote they sneak sneak their vote in we're also the masters of sneaky ballot language down here we love for people to go to the ballot and not understand what the hell they're voting on by way of example another uh a stadium sports welfare boondoggle the miami seat american

airlines arena in downtown miami when people voted when miami deed county voters voted on that lease i swear to god you can't make this up you had to vote yes for no and no for yes meaning yes if you were you were against it and know if you were i swear to god they reversed the language on the ballot so that it was yes meant no and no meant yes on the ballot and that's the kind of that's the way that our politicians operate down here so you always got to be a pucker you always got to be on guard because otherwise they're just gonna mount you from behind every time now do you watch the other uh 30 for 30s whenever i can i've seen fewer of them than i than i'd like to admit but i i've seen a bunch i haven't seen any of the new ones this season yet but playing for the mob

looks awesome what was that one that's the one about henry hill good fellas that i'm fixing the games okay yeah yeah yeah yeah i remember yeah ray leota ray leota narrated it i uh watched ones people were tweeting me last night saying to tape garden of eden uh the master squad garden one based on the book with michael rapaport was the director and uh i was really tired last night i watched the first half hour but they showed something billy that was fucking brilliant they showed it billy willis reed beating the shit out of a team he broke two jaws that night you it's all over facebook today it's all over how willis reed they showed the footage of him taking on a team i had heard that story from john barone when i was a kid that he was at that game

john barone is a coach he's in the hall of fame for free throws he played for the miami floridians this guy billy when there was an aba team and then we know he's i remember that he was my eighth grade teacher and he told me about a story where willis reed was just picking up people that people were hiding under benches you have to watch this tape it's probably gonna be on tonight or tomorrow tape it just to watch that he he was just punching people billy just pump bam bam people were holding them bam bam he just lit motherfuckers up after that they made the captain of the team and that was the beginning of the next that was when the footage the footage was a holy grail for a while yeah it was black they're saying that the 73 finals just came out it looks terrible but

they showed that because i spoke to my brother this morning i asked him how the rest of it was and he said he enjoyed it but it looks like you're right this event was like it was like mythological it was like an urban legend and now uh and that's a great thing about documentaries is that you know whether it's a famous event an obscure event you know you have an opportunity as a as a filmmaker to go digging and to go out into the world and and and research and try to find some interesting materials that i look forward to uh the scene fight i mean i i i i'm barely barely old enough to remember a time when the nicks were any good i have very fond memories of um a friend taking me to the garden for my really my first ever

live in person nicks game when isaiah thomas was uh with the head coach of the team and that was a fascinating uh sort of delve into the mind of the sadistic uh new york sports fan and really like to sell sadistic because they they they pay a lot of money new york sports fans to go to these events and boo their own team i've never seen anything like that because in miami when our team sucks we just don't go you know we just we stopped supporting the team like a restaurant that you used to like that the service and food sucks now you don't keep going you have no obligation to you know to to support a business whose product you don't enjoy anymore so we just don't go to the games in new york though people we paid top dollar second hand for like a nosebleed seat

in the garden and then we're walking in they're literally burning isaiah thomas an effigy outside of the garden and then the same people who just did this with their mixtures he's on go into the garden they bought tickets to to support this they go in and they just boo they boo their own team and when they did something really stupid they would just chant fire isaiah fire isaiah and i was just like fascinating it's like it was in that moment when i was like wait i gotta do a sports documentary before the you know i gotta do a sports documentary because this is just you know just the dynamic of it is fascinating to me you know it's uh i grew up at the garden and some of the craziest things i saw you know it was such a huge thing to me to be a little boy and to go see a

nick game you know or a concert but one of the fucking worst things i ever seen was one night at the garden there was a riot because the nicks didn't cover the spread right by they said it last night they said it they go there was one time with a garden the only people who go to garden were gamblers but this was this was a little early in my time when i went i was maybe like 12 we all went on a tuesday night like lee what are you doing today let's go over to the bridge tell your mom we're gonna go see a movie in those days you lied to your mom and we went to the garden and we go catch three quarters for 10 bucks five bucks we'd stub our way in and get shitty tickets and it was just amazing they fucking made a free throw and i guess they didn't cover by the hook it was like eight and

a half and i had no idea i had no idea billy i'm just sitting there going what the fuck and all of a sudden these people started getting up gonna fuck you and i'm like the next one fuck done they didn't cover and i don't even know what the terminology was they started ripping the seats and throwing them into the fucking onto the court and it was brilliant i you know and that was it was new york i was there one time my buddy didi cantero we went to see somebody oh no that was a different place anyway same fuck but listen the boston garden had that pizzazz every time i went to the boston garden there was a little bit of fucking drama those white fucking people up there are crazy you know when you went to the old forum in la i don't even know what was in miami before the

heat stadium where the orange ball we had the orange ball we the miami the miami marine stadium was pretty cool but not as old um as the orange ball which was home to countless super bowls ncda national championships uh it's it's where the cuban exiles gathered to hear um kennedy give a speech about the uh the pigs in uh you know failed invasion of cuba it's where refugees went uh in part after the mario boat lift in addition to of course those tent cities under the highway that you saw depicted in starface it's where uh uh obviously the miami dolphins played it's where black sunday the famous black sunday scene uh you know the super bowl scene uh took place it's where i mean it was just it's where miami played the sandy

egg charges toward there i think like 86 85 i was at that concert with jackson five they did that huge reunion victory tour the highest grossing tour of all time victory tour um and they get victory and they tore it down to build the marlins park boondoggle they tore it down up literally a piece of miami history and we're a pretty young city so we don't have a lot of pieces symbols or emblems of our of our history i mean hell the city of miami beach is just turning 100 if having its centennial uh next year so it's a pretty young place down here and so we don't have places you know that are that are steeped in stories and where you where you could say like you did i went as a kid you know when when when the garden was big and then you grow up

and it's a little bit smaller but it's still the garden and you still have those memories and you could take you know subsequent generations and young people there and go let me tell you about my story here we we heard a story when we did this vh1 miniseries the tanning of america one nation under hip hop we heard the story from uh reverend ron and russell simons uh and rick rubin about the big data they were doing everyone didn't see was headlining like the the first major duty rap a national tour and uh they were of course they had a show at the garden and they are uh they have seen something really incredible happen and that was the sale of this very obscure european shoe which had a tiny market share in america was getting beat by rebach

nikey uh the works and all of a sudden there was this uptick in the inner city and urban communities of this shoe called adidas and russell simons and his genius calls up an executive of the company and says listen i want you to come to mattis's for garden one dmc has a show i want you to see this and this this executive you know this like you know it's blonde haired blue eyed white executive comes from europe to the garden and is watching sitting with russell watching run dmc perform they get to the song my adidas and you know and reverend ron throws the shoe in the air you know holds his shoe up in the air like a lighter at a condom and next thing you know 18 20 25 thousand kids on the floor of the garden hold up their adidas sneaker along with the band

rocking out to the song and by the time run dmc came off the stage adidas and russell simons had done a million dollar contract the first-ever wrap endorsement deal in the history of of hip hop music needless to say it was the first of what would be many billions of dollars worth of deals but that was his very first deal done with run dmc and adidas right there in madison square garden and what year was that 86 i think let me tell you something i was busting adidas from 75 to about 77 and then they made my feet too stinky in those days it made your feet smell like bakala and once julia's i swear to god and one julia serving busted out the limousine for the foot there was no reason to wear my adidas no more as a matter of fact right now on my feet i have

adidas and at the house i have two pair of adidas that i run with and i have one pair in a box that i ordered from amazon because they deliver it right to my house three days later i don't live without my fucking adidas but that's because i'm a kid from the 70s and you couldn't get juice sneakers well that but and i can't get you sneakers well that's what uh what uh russell simons said he said my adidas was a love song it was a love song that they wrote to their sneakers that's what it was what's going on today in miami with the cubans billy qualman break it down for me what am i walking into this weekend at the home field sports bar and grill what am i walking into i'm going right to the heart are you going you're i'm performing you're

going down south this is why you're on the phone today we're promoting miami this is my all miami weekend baby i'm going right to the heart where it all started where they sold the first kilo of cocaine in 1961 and figured out we could do this every week we could do this every week so i'm in kendo that's right for top you're going to kick that's the new miami improv right yeah the new like location that's what they do until they open it up i have to go pick up my santeria stuff when i was a kid i made santo and when my mother died i went to live with italians i couldn't bring the fucking santeria stuff with me this is a true story so we gave it to martin the fag he was a drug dealer that was a friend of my mother's martin the fag lived in the neighborhood

so i could always visit the saints and then live with my life and then once i got old enough i would take the saints this is 1979 1980 one day while i'm over there with the saints i look over and there's a bindle there's a baggie and i open up the baggie and this motherfucker got two three ounces hidden in the saints and i'm like look at this motherfucker selling below so i came back that night the two days later and i robbed martin the fag and i never went back and got my saints i did a podcast for some company and i swear to god i never went back to martin the fag's house when i seen my stepdad he gave me some of my saints that he had but i still had a big chunk of martin the fag's house i don't know what happened to martin i went back to jersey i asked around

they said his brother killed himself in the jail cell and the rest of them moved to miami whatever the fuck i get a twitter from a lady and she goes hey uh you're my husband's grand my husband's whatever grandmother's uh santeria son she died but we have your stuff this all happened on twitter 35 fucking years later i didn't know so i'm going to miami thursday to pick up my stuff and then i'll perform friday and saturday and i come back sunday well people probably are not familiar with this because it's a Caribbean religion and it's so it's it's most prominent in america if you can call it that down down here in martin they say the great thing about miami is that it's so close to america which i think is true um and santeria is this mystical religion uh where you

go to stores called botanicas which i know you're familiar with botanicas which are predominantly in in hyalia and and west kendall and the more cuban neighborhoods in south florida and at botanicas they are you can buy the religious course artifacts but they're also pet stores because one of the tenants of the religion involves animal sacrifice particularly of goats and chickens and so which i don't believe is legal but they still have these like bootleg you know black market or gray market botanicas all over particularly the hyalia neighborhood uh where uh you can buy this stuff including the candles and you said the idolatry the the different gods depending on what you're looking to accomplish chango is one of the most popular he's the the god of fire

and lightning he's one of the more popular uh gods because you know you pray for him not to strike you with fire or lightning but strike your enemies and famously um you would see during the miami river cops which is the biggest we talked about this in cocaine cowboys reloaded the biggest police corruption scandal in the history of america since the serpico era uh in new york and they during the during the trial of the miami river cops who are i think entirely cuban uh these were police officers who were running a cocaine organization from inside the miami police department they were basically they weren't good cops gone bad they were bad guys who became cops uh because they had relaxed the uh entry uh you get the hiring standards yeah because they needed a federal

judge they needed more fucking latin's they needed more cubans to fucking uh so they hired anybody they didn't even look at that juvenile records it was brilliant and everybody and you had guys who literally you're right were part of cuban street gangs uh that were that became cops um created their own cocaine uh extortion uh sale and murder racket from inside the miami police department and you wind up having dozens and dozens and dozens of police officers arrested indicted flipping on each other testifying against the other and um you would find every day of the trial um the the maintenance staff at the courthouse in miami the criminal courthouse would have to show up early to clean the courthouse steps where there would be just a ton of santeria

little stations you know little little uh uh where where they would have blood and bones and candles and these statues the saints and and they would have to clean up uh these little prayer uh uh i don't even know what the hell they call them but they were trying to put a curse on the prosecution uh and trying to help the uh the miami river cop uh defendants who had murdered uh drug dealers and taken stolen their cocaine to sell it themselves uh and and they were just like these little shrines i guess and uh this is just what this is what we do we vote i always wanted to do get this i'm gonna pitch it to you right now a reality show about a cuban a multi-generational cuban family in miami that owns a botanica called chango unchained

i like it that's my pitch i don't got a little tlc will buy it probably not bravo but some of you some of you'll buy that that's a great idea just what goes on the botanica every fucking day so you can just go in and buy a goat like just on the street to miami you know they gotta know certain people jesus you know you gotta really uh i mean when i was a kid you had to go to marlboro and new jersey and drive at night to get the animals so the cops wouldn't see you with the animals and your fucking uh station wagon and shit it's really weird what santeria became that's not what it really is uh they i mean even noriega had it in his house and that's what i saw it becoming in my house it became uh it was something beautiful

in the beginning and then it became protection for these people who were fucking evil people but it wasn't their fault it was the people taking their money and all those people fucking end up all those people all that shit is just bad it's just bad news i do it for health i do it for enlightenment you know i like the stories when i was a child about chango chango is very strong but he's fucking nuts so to calm him down they made me go back a lot because chango people are nuts joe rogan's a chango guy he's very you know he trembles it could go down so those type of people you put a bottle on him to calm him the fuck down like me you know you have to put a bottle on him to calm him the fuck down he's an old saint but there's a variation of a bottle that's a yaguna

and he's a warrior he's the one that was cutting heads off in china and shit like that and they would oh and he he's the only one that could use gunpowder in his rituals and they asked him how come there's always fucking problems when you're around and he answered uh in something about war there's change to make change you must have a war sometimes that's his statement so it's fucking crazy but i'm just happy to be to reconnect with you and have a you want to have a good show we'll spill a little blood on the front front steps of the improv and it'll go well but you are you are traveling into the belly of the beast i mean you normally when you come into town for a show don't go that far that far south i mean you will literally be closer to cuba than to any other

state in the u.s when you when you go when you travel down to southwest miami date and it's just like it's where all the excitement went down there was a map i'll never forget it there was a map in the miami herald decades ago of all of the property that had been seized by the dea in south florida uh through the cocaine cowboy's era the dea they owned luxury car dealerships they owned restaurants they owned a recording studio they owned you name it they owned a dad countless but you've got private houses residential houses from uh you know working class single family homes to to gorgeous mansions on the water and cocoa plum which they actually the dea nicknamed cocaine in the coconut grove area that was the neighborhood that tony montana's uh a house was was inspired

by um but you're going down to the belly of the beat you're going down to like southwest where they had famously named back in the eighties they named the street uh leo mar parkway after a guy a popular local cuban developer leonel martinez he had built uh major like suburban you know subdivisions communities and houses and neighborhoods and so they named the street uh leo mar parkway leo mar was the name of his real estate uh company and within i don't know two three years not even of naming the street after him just right by the improv uh he was indicted for marijuana cocaine smuggling and murder and and and they very quietly took the name off of the sign uh very shortly after his indictment but we've got that all over that kind of stuff all over miami just

happens that down there in the southwest is is where it all goes down now let me know how far will i be from like monkey jungle i want to get to 130th and 100th avenue up there how far will i be well you want to get to um uh you probably go to the the coral castle which is like which is like awesome um you'll be uh coral castle is like this this big mysterious castle built out entirely out of coral they call it miami stonehenge because nobody really knows how this one guy by himself this one like meek kind of small elderly guy built this whole house and moved all these giant pieces of coral uh he'll be a little closer to coral castle the monkey jungle monkey jungle is way way uh is way the hell south no that's why i grown up that's when i when i grew up in miami

those years where i go down there my uncle developed that area uh 100th avenue and 130th street or the other way around i would go down there as a child when they were alligators on the streets and he would plow them it would be nothing it would be jungle and he would fucking go down there with a with a bulldozer and they would do the whole fucking thing from scratch lizards everywhere and he would build one house and then he would move in there and he would make four duplicate homes and after he'd sell those he'd go to a different street it was that's why i used to spend i got news for you there's still alligators roaming the street oh my god what uh yesterday it's still it's still pretty secluded yeah it has been well developed but you know post-horting andrew

because country walk was on that way in homestead and that was the homestead yeah that's when they homestead devastated yeah i mean homestead was decimated after hurricane yes because he had a move the country walk area which is yeah just north country walk is just north of of where that is so that's the that was ground zero for hurricane andrew right because they had a move that neighborhood is certainly come back 20 years later but it's still i mean you know it's got a it's got a real kind of dark mark uh against it uh and the monkey juggles right by zoo miami which is the old the old metro zoo it's now called zoo miami that's the new hip thing is to like you know say what it is and then put miami behind like there was a uh the mind like the historical museum of

miami is now called history miami so like metro zoo is now called zoo miami um but there's a piece property right next to zoo miami called um university of miami south campus it's never really been very active as a campus for the university of miami but back in the day it was the home of what they called jm wave that doesn't mean anything it's just it's just cia speak it was the largest cia station in the world outside of their headquarters in langley virginia and that's where they ran all anti-castro covert ops out of the university of miami south campus because back in the late 50s early 60s the cia was one of if not the single largest employer in our county back in that day they had fake you know they had front uh businesses fake businesses they employed

all of the cuban exiles who were willing to to take up arms and and go back and invade cuba and overthrow castro and all of that went out of this operation jm wave right by the monkey jungle and right next to metro zoo and they they were trained in le t and down in the uh in the in secret bases in the everglades which are very now the longer secret we now are aware of where they where they were and what they were up to all these decades later but an interesting way that miami has evolved into you know into white collar crime you know from from like from drug problem i deal covert international intrigue to drug smuggling to now the home of medicare fraud ponzi schemes real estate scams so now that property which it was discovered by the federal government uh is in uh contains

endangered forest land it contains an extremely rare nearly extinct uh species of butterflies that exist apparently nowhere else and the university of miami sold it secretly to a developer to build a walmart to pave over to pave over this land that the university miami was donated for free by the federal government to use for academic and research purposes they secretly sold it in a deal that they finagled with the uh the county the corrupt county commission to repurpose and rezone what should be an academic village and a research area for these rare species of plants and endangered species of plants and and wildlife and they're gonna build a fucking walmart there if that doesn't and that's the university of miami president donna shalala

just running a real estate hustle if that is not just like symbolic of miami in that area i don't know what is fuck the butterflies fuck them that's that's they just said fuck the butterflies we're taking a check from walmart what you like a walking ms mbc billy you just buy ms mbc billy this is a fucking interesting shit one last question billy what the fuck is up with governor christie what's that douchebag this guy of all the scandals uh that have engulfed this man i think the situation with uh now wait are we talking about governor christy or governor christ which is one of the fucking jerseys being in florida the one in jersey yesterday he said something by minimum wage you posted something yeah that that goes i have to ask because we have

our own governor problems down here in florida in case you haven't noticed but uh you know we have we have an option this election that is just it just it makes me every time i see it it makes it really it makes me sad i'm just like i'm just chugging pep dough right out of the bottle you know and uh and but christy i think this situation with the pensions is devastating i mean this is a scandal beyond scandals i mean while the people of new jersey suffer uh he's been generating billions of dollars in revenue for uh wall street and for people connected to him that that donate to him i mean this is this is transparent corruption on par with the best and worst of of new jersey um so it shouldn't what do i always say it's about florida you

could say the same thing about jersey i always say florida rarely uh rarely shocks me but regularly disappoints me if so i'm not shocked anymore but i but i do get really really kind of disappointed at at what politicians are willing to do especially in such a transparent transaction but but christy i mean literally has you know put all the bridge bullshit aside all the other kind of uh strong arm a mafioso nonsense that that i understand maybe a big deal to to the folks up there but this this pension situation and this wall street uh deal uh investing the state's money the way that they have uh is really just despicable and and the most uh blatant and and depressing kind and depraved and cynical kind of corruption master rating is a state business and i mean this is the problem

though is that we have the same situation down here in florida like who the hell are you going to vote for that that that becomes the problem because the the other team is because somehow miraculously in this country despite the fact that you know what we talked about this before as americans we would never walk into an ice cream shop that had less than 20 or 30 flavors to choose from even though we're only going to buy one two or three uh somehow in this country it's been accepted that we have two political parties and so every election season it's just like color war at sleep away camp they wave around shiny objects and controversial issues that have nothing to do with anything at to distract us and to get us to really vote against one side rather than for

another and then we're left with options like charlie christ versus rich scott down here in florida which unfortunately one of the candidates is so bad it's really we really have no choice at all uh and that's what's happening up in new jersey i mean you the bar has been as so so low with respect to their leadership and politicians that it's like people people almost prefer the devil they know rather than the devil they don't i say in order to clean up new jersey there's only one answer chango vote chango i love you hey uh the only time i could ever correct you is on this the same thing has happened nationwide we're voting for people that are both sides are fucking worthless and absolutely it happens with national i mean presidential life i mean everybody was

fucking worthless and i can't vote i got felonies will you be around will you answer the phone on saturday if i call you are you kidding i wouldn't miss you for the world you want to get a burger or something you got a nice place to go get a burger in the afternoon saturday i'll drive up somewhere yeah we'll go we'll we'll we'll go out we'll get a goat perfect i don't eat goat but we'll take it to a greeks house no marinated and we'll fucking sprinkle some butterflies on it and we'll rock the fucking house i love you cock sucker uh when is when is the movie come out 12 13 14 at 9 p.m on espn you got a bunch of stuff going on i'll drop it on here as it goes along don't forget the vote amendment too if you're in miami people need your fucking help

absolutely support billy i love you billy thank you very much for calling in i know you're busy with these films see you soon i love you thank you what's up with you cocksucker what's amendment to uh reefer look at the shape i'm super stoned you see perfect people like you because i was high yesterday from monday and people keep asking me the milligrams and i'll keep saying is joey says everything's 33 these are 12 milligrams probably 500 i'm not eating any more of this let me see that let me eat it this is the best wasn't it this is a little pound cake they gave us today it's a new chef oh my god it's a tremendous shit look it didn't hit until he started talking that's what usually hits when people are talking they're sitting there like a mum won't line up gin

and juice let me give some shout outs to my girl vanilla keesha vanilla bob lemmings i love you thank you for the presence john dotson my main man malcolm riddle who showed up to baltham on represented stay for two shows i love that guy he's gonna come out we're gonna get him on the podcast salvatore lukanya your bad cocksucker my man dad man with the wolves and chat thomas thank you very much for fucking listening and always giving us love and put some music on cocksucker oh shit it's wednesday cocksuckers shine your shoes ain't nobody gonna give you dick today polish that fucking gun and get ready baby oh shit what oh shit it's a beautiful day to be alive leave wiggle for me will you cocksuckers shake those titties oh shit oh shit with so much

drama in the lbc oh shit miami this week halloween 1029 the same night as iris thing we're at the ice house for a live podcast huh oh shit the church in the motherfucking house on a wednesday morning clicking it flicking it stopping it the flag is all that matters motherfucker talking full of rubbers in my homeboys due to kill the fucking music what am i dj i thought we were done for a second we ain't fucking going nowhere cocksucker party's just getting started you're talking about uh lehigh was gonna give you room in el centro and the fucking thing had mice and shit i ain't got time for okay i forgot about lehigh right now it's a beautiful day we're moving on to bigger and better things yeah we're doing uh i'm really proud of harry i talk to harry

every fucking day and uh it's amazing he's doing this special he's he's he's learning about uh networks and sensors and it's fucking with his you know it's fucking it fucks with everybody nobody likes to get we were starting this conversation you know that when nick was here how crazy is nick tutorial oh it was interesting to talk to you though he's a fucking nut i love him i love him he was everybody was hungry that night he made everybody hungry he knows all about that pizza and shit i go to new york i ain't got time to hunt down pizza look at the fucking size man but it's really weird how you get a fucking size man he eats it nobody hunts down a fucking pineapple or an apple nobody says do you go to the Bronx i got this fucking apple up there

look at the size of it it cleans up your full size i can't hunt down a pizza yeah i'm gonna hunt down a pizza maybe if i fucking run to the Bronx and back i'm gonna go eat pizza anyway it's a beautiful day man i'm happy oh so harry i'm very happy about harry that's it i know it's sold out if you're not doing anything we're doing a live podcast and then what i'm gonna do next is november 29th i'm gonna start workshopping a one-man show i'm gonna put all the testicles together and write some new fucking material that everybody has outlined and i'm putting it all together i'm gonna have woolly barsana mazja brani's gonna direct it and we're really gonna try to put some together so i'm gonna start workshopping that every other month that's cool and then new yazeev

we're doing the ice house but we're doing stand-up and a podcast and we're out there by 10 o'clock so people could go home and do whatever the fuck they want to i don't believe in having people out of the fucking midnight go home come to the show drive home get a grandma blow stick it in your wife's asshole and suck the juju juice out of that fucking muffler that's it that's new you plan sure what are you gonna do stand that's why it's the ball dropping whole hand suck my dick fucking sit here like a fucking moron and watch the fucking ball drop i got resolutions to take care of you know what i'm saying the fuck what's up with you so you're gonna get all high now your mother-in-law's gonna come see your high ball don't even know the piece i got chibichu

no a light one it's just a 70 milligram that's not true 70 milligram sure we'll split it oh no i'll only give you 20 how the e-50 how's that no i gotta get primed i got a big fucking day i'm going to the park with the baby i'm gonna hang out i'm gonna work out i'm gonna write a little bit today that's that's my fucking day what else would you ask for i got to talk to these cocksuckers yeah we had billy corbin on today we talked about commitment towards your fucking job and listen it's true you gotta live and die for what you believe when you gotta live and die for your job if you're gonna do anything part time you're not gonna get the great results no you know i know that with jujitsu like you know i don't have that time and i don't have that fuck i wish i'd go

four times a week i'd be a fucking killer but i go when i can and that's the most important thing i went twice this week one day i went to 10th planet with salami up in van eyes and yesterday i went down to uh higgins with Dave and it was fucking great yesterday i got beat up a little bit i feel a little sore today he worked me hard but that's what i'm supposed to do dog what the fuck nothing happens on that fucking couch league that's what i'm trying to say to you understand i feel you i feel i think i'm gonna take today off from the gym for the first time just have to go with the microphone and her mom looking for apartments i haven't taken a day off this month so i don't so it's uh where's his apartment that you're looking for uh in the valley she's she's looking

all over do they just want to get out at angle one i don't blame that's a fucking shooting gallery down i know it was it was scary on sunday was it oh god those like a four or five of them like they usually hang out on the corner but then there were like four or five of them like right around where i had to drop her off but it's still fun to talk to because her mom's lived there for like 20 30 years so like she'll be walking home with groceries and these gangbangers will like help her with her groceries like apparently like a lot of them are just really cool and uh like holly was even talking about it about how like a lot of them it's just like they're good people a lot of times or and anytime something bad happens it's kind of like collateral damage like it wasn't intended like the gangs it's

not great but it's it's a social economic thing yeah it's a social economic thing and some of them do stupid things and some of them do you know some of them sell nickel bags yeah and they try to make whatever the fuck you know i don't know what it is i don't know i was never part of a gang so i don't know the commitment i never wanted to be part of a fucking gang no when i was a kid there were the royal javelins there were the little boys remember the title you started with the little boys how they got together and drank i never got it i remember how uh it was big to have like mafia contacts when i was a kid like it was always good to know people in the mob and shit like that it's great to know people in the mob until they take your fucking money and they will take

your fucking money they will take your fucking money and that that's part of the other reason why i left jersey because i didn't want my money taken i didn't want to sell drugs make five thousand dollars and have to give somebody three thousand dollars a week for protection they'll shake you down man and they shake you down the way that they make you feel like family you imagine making thirty thousand dollars a week and giving somebody fifteen just giving somebody fifteen just so you can be part of their fucking group no and as an associate and once you give them fifteen you can't give them an envelope for ten because they'll ask you what happened to my other five yeah do you understand me so you're thinking you're getting in with them and then milking you fucking dry

so and then they put you on a vague you know that was my big problem with the mob that i learned early on i learned it with the heist i did i did this little heist one time for money and i got it and i got shaken down but the one with the jewelry store was when they really came to me and they go we'll give you the whole fucking thing give us ten thousand dollars but you'll have a friend with us and then the more you do these we'll all take a little bit of money if anything should happen if anything should happen you're not gonna bail me out you're all gonna run from me because i'm hot what are you talking about so i'm just gonna give you money every fucking week just like that that's what you want no i wasn't doing that i was no fucking way man i didn't

want to be an associate anybody so when i was a kid they come to you and they go listen if you want to run with me you could run and use my fucking name but you got to kick some up from time to time and they find out everything they find out fucking everything if you're selling drugs they want if you're selling so that was my whole thing i didn't want to be part of nothing that took half my money no you want dudes i'll give you a couple of dollars i'll kick in for rent at the fucking clubhouse but i'm not gonna fucking give you half my salary just to say i'm running with you guys to do what so i go to clubs and but now fuck you yeah i'm a fucking listen when you when you're born in this world you're born in a biblical court once they cut that fucking thing you don't belong

to nobody no more you know that that's how real it is you don't belong to nobody no more you have options after i mean you don't know you have retarded you're sitting there looking up trying to suck a tit what the fuck do you know but you got options you know you gotta fucking hang out once they cut that in biblical court you ain't part of nothing you ain't part of that gang no more yesterday i went to the park and there's uh you got options there's uh and lu i know you're gonna break my balls i went to the park yesterday and there's a little kid who plays with my daughter and my wife hangs out with the mom you know once a week she's a big shot at marketing and but they get along she's from chicago and her husband is a writer and this little boy you

know i've taken a liking to him whenever i go over they play when i pick him up i rough him up you know and and he's adopted and yesterday i went to the park and he showed up you know with his babysitter and i played with him he he came over and hugged terry but he really hugged me like terry and the babysitter was like what's going on and then he would pick me up and make me play with him and i played with him and i was looking at him he's adopted you know they they had to put in paperwork to adopt him and i think he's spanish but he's a beautiful beautiful little boy i mean he's just beautiful really beautiful i picked him up and made him hold the bars and do pull-ups and i pushed him up he's stronger and fucked he's not even two yet he's gonna be two december 5th

you know and i hugged him and last night i was sitting there thinking i wonder what his mom would feel like right now she saw him like what would you think like what a shame that the mom i don't know what her situation was i don't know the real story but she had to give him up you know and uh he's a healthy beautiful big boy and i i i live with something similar to that not seeing my daughter but at least i was there i seen what she was i talked to her so she was 13 14 uh this is completely different like i i i never understood the doubt that woman would have like she doesn't know what she gave up she gave up a beautiful little fucking boy you know and he's healthy and he's happy and he doesn't know what's going on uh i i speak to the husband a lot because he's a great

writer he has a couple tv shows and his parents are 88 and 91 and he goes they were really sick until we adopted this child and once we adopted this child they've gotten better their blood pressure's gone down their health is better don't go to the doctor as much so it's amazing how one person is suffering and this child is bringing joy to somebody else it's it's just amazing kind of fucked up uh having to give her a kid up but luckily i never have to do that but but you don't know what the circumstances are before we judge i don't know i'm not saying i'm not saying she did anything bad i'm saying like you know i don't know if she was a drug addict i don't know if she just one day you so you know what this is too much for me to be a mom oh no i was just saying like from from their

point of view like having a kid and he's knowing you're not ready for it and making that decision to like give it up that's crazy wind on that listen i love you cocksuckers we'll be back monday night what we have some nature box and no we're not over yet i'm just telling you motherfuckers that i love you people you know we'll be back monday night next wednesday night live at the ice house and then we're gonna do one thursday afternoon okay and uh what's what up we gotta do three fuck what do you tell it what are you okay in me i'm talking to them you're fucked hi okay i'm not talking to you you're fucked i'm talking to them cocksucker look at you seven in the morning you're high you're ready you're giggling what the fuck is up with you let me give a big shout out to my sponsors

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cucksucker but go to honet.com read what they have see what suits you press church in the box church and get 10 off your first order you go to joeydeas.net and click the box either way you get 10 off when you go on the stay on it program which they mail it directly to your house on the first of every month you get an additional 10 work with me on this one go to honet.com today see what they have to offer you number two again uh i don't like fucking around with bullshit nature box.com ain't bullshit i got two words for you cucksuckers free free and free it all right they have healthy delicious snacks why are you going to that fucking little window thing with potato chips and fucking twigs and shit i mean don't get me wrong when we smoke three or four

numbers they ain't bad with some sour cream fucking potato chips but then you got to do an extra 10 push-ups or you got to eat ass for an extra 15 minutes fuck that shit eat healthy in the new year go to nature box.com pressing the code word joey joey joey y and get your free box sample just get it they give you three little bags and one fucking big bag so the sriracha you have kind cashews they're either going to give you the the the the pistachio nuts or the nom nom the cocoa nom zoms or the cocoa almonds or the raspberry wheat anything that they have the little coin things you like i'm not fucking with you give them a shot one time just do this they're offering you something for free you can't beat that go to nature box.com and press in joey joey

and get a free box sent to your house and after that i think it's 50% off your first order anyway go to naturebox.com the nutritionist approve eat healthy you know they say you are what you eat go to naturebox.com today the other company i love is me undies i go to jujitsu i put me undies on i walk around i got me undies on right now i don't even know i got undies on that's how comfortable if i stick my hand in my nutsack and take a whiff they're gonna smell just how they smell when i came out of the shower this morning like dick no minty fresh like irish spring you know why because me undies has a special absorbing cotton that pulls this stuff out why are you fucking walking around with seven-year-old underwear but holes them and skid marks walking

around like a pig you fucking filthy con sucker go to me undies.com right now they're shipping for free in the united states and canada and on your first order they'll give you 20% off on women and men's beautiful fucking undies t-shirts i wear the shirt yesterday the little shirt it's like a it's like a that company that sells all that shit under a rash guard their shirt i took to jujitsu yesterday fucking tremendous i got a gray one and i got a black one i'm not fucking with you go to meundies.com and save what do they save now they save 20% 20% off your first order and they got free shipping anywhere in canada or the us go to meundies.com what are they pressing the box joey joey joey y get 20% off your first order cocksucker why are you sitting there with stinky

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and that's it what else you want me to tell you it's wednesday you got to do what the fuck you're gonna do get out there take a chance what the fuck you're gonna sit there i don't know what to do i'm 22 get a gun everything works instead of sitting there with that look on your fucking face i got an email for i don't know what to do i'm gonna kill myself it's a beautiful fucking life you want to kill yourself i walk up next to dog shit i wanted to kill myself every day for fucking eight years but i'm still here grab your balls grab your heart and say what the fuck is really cracking lacking i'm part of the church what's happening now bitches we ain't fucking around today have a great weekend we'll be back monday at eight o'clock with the great motherfucking i don't

know who i'll see you monday all right bother me then and go see you in miami that's right at home field sports and bar grill tremendous you're gonna have a great time i'm gonna be on fire amongst my Cuban people and i have good news for you what i checked last night because i think i felt like this is part of my job now they served their wings with blue cheese not ranch so you're good now that the show is over don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like proper cute corn kettle kernels uh go to naturebox.com slash joey that's naturebox.com slash joey shows also sponsored by me undies.com go there and check out the men's

and women's underwear and they have shirts and socks and pants they have a lot of great stuff use uh coward joey to get 20% off and right now they are free shipping what's the problem? look at the shape of you oh my god how are you gonna fucking face the mother-in-law she's gonna come up the cousin disappeared right the cousin's still in my egg oh he's back he's smoking a crack under a bridge look at the shape of this people you said i gotta live with this is it this is initiative at his best how the fuck are you still so stoned that thing didn't even do nothing to me you ate 10 million no it didn't i'm as tough as now let's get it

together cuckuck have a great weekend me undies we ship free to canada and the united states 20 percent off you codeword joey joey all right and that church for on it uh and then for nail the life dot com joey Diaz get 20% off on the premiere premiere and i hate you you said we're doing nothing i tell you we weren't doing it no more just a little piece today have a great weekend so At night I walk this stinking street past the crazies on my block And I see the same old faces and I hear that same old talk And I'm searching for the latest thing I break in this routine

I'm talking some new kicks ones like me you ain't never seen This is home, this is neat street This is home, the only one I know And we don't really back tomorrow cause we're sick of these four walls Now what you think is nothing might be something after all Now you know this ain't no through street, the end is dead ahead The pork box flavor keeps down here, they're the living dead Come on down, just in each street

They're dancing now, out in each street Dance baby It's always been now my friend, it ain't once upon a time It's all over but the shouting, I come to take what's mine We're searching for the latest thing I break in this routine Talking some new kicks ones like me you ain't never seen This is home, this is neat street This is home, the only one I know

This is home, see a goddess real easy This is me, in this desperate part of town This is home, turns you from hunted into hunter This is me, you're going to hunt somebody down This is home, somebody said they want it long This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down

This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down This is me, Lord strike that poor boy down