Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #229 - Joey Diaz, Sam Tripoli and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: November 11, 2014

Sam Tripoli, Comedian and co-host of The Punch Drunk podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  Jam on It - Newcleus I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Party Train - The Gap Band Recorded on 11/10/2014

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Monday November 10th Fuck tremendous fuck Monday night football take those bomb hits couple donuts Some chocolate milk put your feet up Who's breaking go go go go trip go trip go trip go trip go trip Oh shit ladies and gentlemen the church coming to you blast and put that music on leave. What the fuck? Oh shit. Oh Shit whatever the fuck you were doing. You ain't doing no more Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Ricky Damn on it. Damn on it. She's a jam jam jam on it

Your body rock What were you doing with your life November 10th the day the devil took it the muffler with the devil Oh shit Robot robot robot This is too much this is too much I seen these motherfuckers open up the press keep it up We keep this motherfucker get up get up cocksuckers the Marines birthday today. Get up Here we go. Here we go black people. What what what? Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Are you kidding me? This is a minute you haven't stopped we're just in a groove right now doing bumps forget Well, you know about this leave what I know nothing about it. Are you fucking kidding me? You never break dance. Oh, I broke dance, but no, I'm not not with the bumps I think you broke was the table cocksucker. Who you kidding? I dance on the floor. When did you break dance? You ever broke dancing? I did a lot before we made the fuck out of it. The church what's happening now You bad motherfuckers my main man Lisa at with the Israeli flag-throwing heat back there And this main man guest tonight. Mr. Sammy trips. What up you bad motherfuckers. What's the word Joey Diaz?

You know, Johannes bring it back to the old days old school early 80s. I'm telling you that stuff I don't know what happened to that to that list. I heard that on Sirius Something what's your channel? I like back back spin. No, I'm What was your vinyl vinyl vinyl's good Ozzy's Boneyard Like a lithium lithium is badass lithium is badass. Yo, let me ask you good you I would argue that the Late 80s early 90s time of music. I would put that up against almost any decade of music You know, everyone loves the 60s and 70s saying that that was the best time

But man, you look at what happened in the late 80s early 90s hip-hop rap rap was hip-hop was starting to come in Metal all the metal is still rocking grunge was starting to come in Everything was like at this apex of music in my opinion You still got to go with 70 to 75 like who we why who we up against you up against Led Zeppelin's first time Okay, who you up against the stones you got to figure from 70 to 75 All these bands black Sabbaths first down all these bands were emerging not to mention a guy by the name of Elton John That destroyed the 70s So that no, I'm not arguing with you that that it like crushes it or anything

I just feel that that time period if you look at the bands that were out, you know, God knows what would have happened If Lenard skin it would have lived I've always said that if Lenard skin it would have lived What would happen with the cars exist? Would any of that shit because Lenard skin it was just about to destroy to steamroll Steamroll steamroll they had the momentum they party they fucking had black people in the band Yeah, they fucking had two drummers, you know, it was a different time They had destroyed the stones at in London. Yeah, they opened up for them stone buried them in their backyard They had buried somebody else now they were on the road. I think with Ted Nugent just taking them to the cleaners

They were just a power So who knows who knows I can't and that's the late. That's 77, right? Yeah I don't know what the name of the eye. I forget all this shit is just too much You know, we did a couple gummies today, mainly we did achieve but you at the end your memory goes to put We can't do it no more. So I might say something fucked up, but that's my only real argument I didn't take the 60s that much There's a 60s like Hendricks, right Hendricks the Beatles the Beatles So that's a you know for death. Yeah, the last couple of anybody catch. I know you or is I know you caught it

Have you seen the documentary on HBO and James Brown? No, I haven't seen that. No, you guys gotta it's all over He came out as a he was a little Richard impersonators at first little Richard hit So they put him on the road to fill in 33 of his dates or something. It's amazing James Brown is amazing the hardest working man in show business that movie. They just did was really great Yeah, no, no, but this documentary is fucking tremendous and the guy who played that in that movie plays like every black guy Yeah, he's just in Marvel. Yeah, he's just got the Marvel thing. Oh, Jackie Robinson. Oh, that's cool Yeah, he was Jackie Robinson Who else always brown James Brown now who is now he's something the black panther

Okay, cuz I hate when they take like an established character and flip them and like make him something else that he isn't is that the black But is it correct? No black. I think it's probably the black panther But like they made the Green Horton gay now I think the new Batman movie Robin is a chick, you know, I just like come on man Those buses that making them all women and the fact is definitely in it McCarthy. Yeah. Yeah, she's fun. Yeah He's black panther how did that movie do with him and and St. Vane St. Vincent. Yeah, I'm not sure I mean Simone said he liked it But I haven't known likes everything. I died a slow death people were red red right through it

I read right through it. I just knew that we're getting two people put them together Let's see if this works out. Oh, was that what Bill Murray the Bill Murray one? Well, she just did a movie with her husband, right? I don't know so she's on fire, too Who'd she do a movie her husband wrote a movie? I was a movie where she played like the super drunk chick who drives her own drunk. I don't even know. Oh Tammy yeah, I don't know. I didn't even see that this did it's grossed 27 million and so far and it's it was 13 million So it's done. Okay, but like opening weekend it did just over a hundred thousand dollars. So who what?

Yeah, it's tough. Who did a hundred thousand same Vincent, but I mean that might have been Murray that might have been a limited release I don't know, but it's so what your house maybe but so far It's grossed 27 million. So wow well That's pretty good to start out with a hundred thousand and then get to 27 million, but they cost 13 million to make right So, I mean it wasn't they made money. Yeah, they made money. Yeah. Yeah I mean you think the pale would I thought it would make 65 million But then I won't start a watch in the trailer. I'm like I guarantee this is the best part of the movie Yeah, and the trailer is not that fucking good

Well, I don't know if people are younger than me maybe like 20 a bit like what younger than 2018 I don't know if they really know who Bill Murray is to be honest That's might be true caddy Shaq was always known as that guy who shows up on Gawker and takes pictures at random places And weddings and karaoke bars and stuff like that And he was in a zombie land which is pretty great But still I mean that you had to really know who Bill Murray was to like get it. That was a great movie Yeah, zombie land brought to heat. It's really weird how You think somebody's relevant

Because you were there during his heyday. Yeah, that shocks you like even like Stallone De Niro not drawing There's so many people that just don't draw. Yeah, you know the movies come out Like for that movie people probably went to see it because Kevin Hart wasn't it to be honest I mean if that's probably what was the biggest draw at this point, which is pretty sad I think he might be the biggest draw right now. Well, he has a movie in four months, but Sandra Bullock I mean, they're both like to not not there's not a lot of bankable people out there You know, but what they do now is completely different the marketing even the the agencies even your manager Okay, when I was growing up the first movie I saw what Eddie Murphy was 48 hours

And then it took another year for him to come out with a movie Which is called trade-in-place. That was a great movie and then you know and then but now it seems like People released seven or eight movies in the year. It's like they killed Vince Vaughan. Yeah That was embarrassing what they did with Vince Vaughan people like the guy from no man. No old country What's no country for old man? What's the guy's the main? Bronson isn't it brought wasn't it Bronson? There was a guy that was a guy that was a guy Josh Bro, no, I liked him But there's a guy in that movie that for two or three years they put him in everything

Have your bar down. No the cop there the Southern cop that was chasing him Woody Harrelson Tommy Lee Jones Tommy Lee Jones. Oh, yeah, there was a while when they put Tommy Lee Jones Me I would have to one One and a half movie like one movie you're relieved and then a half a year later You come on as like the fifth guy through a little heat get killed and people like Jesus, man Why'd he fucking get killed even you follow me? So you always kept people Wanting you now if a person makes a movie they get right back in the studio and shoot it

You know and it's funny like that creep like Jim Carrey now like he didn't want to do dumb and dumb But things got fucking bad for yeah, so now he did dumb and dumb But what a fucking scumbag for 20 years they kept bugging him about dumb and dumb and refused to do it Once he stopped selling tickets because you you're right, you know these people to become irrelevant after a while as great as they are That's great as they are Tom Cruise still sells tickets, right? Not like he used to though Yeah, probably not but he doesn't do him. He doesn't do it that often though. So what I mean that last mission possible I didn't like it, but Pete it sold a lot tickets. I think TMZ I think something changed when TMZ kind of started really like outing him on a bunch of stuff like him

You know the the whole Scientology like video they put out of him Then he's dancing on the couch like I think they heard him now So I feel that like they went some big powerful company went and bought TMZ and the message has totally changed You don't see them ever really going after really huge huge stars That's why they kind of create these vine stars and these reality stars that they kind of treat like fucking Pinatas and they beat the shit out of them so they don't ruin a brand like how hard is it to build a Tom Cruise brand? You've been out here forever. It's impossible to build so in that big that it will bring like 50 mil guaranteed That's true

So like they don't want to ruin those guys anymore So they so they bought the company and now they just hey Oh my god, look at this chick from VH1's fucking hip hip hop and love or whatever it is And they just treat those people like pinatas that'd be really funny if that was true I mean now that you're saying it kind of makes sense. Why not and they don't really need to pay reality stars Yeah, so they pay them a little bit. They think they're famous and then they can Treat them like skin like like awful people and then the movie stars kind of skate by it's crazy that You do like a reality show for four years and you do become a big shot

You go you bump people in Vegas at lines. Yeah, you yell at waiters now get off me, you know, don't make eye contact Yeah, you know, and it's like for Noah for nothing because she's standing from a Camera I couldn't imagine getting that over one with yourself like that Like that's when you see people like Screech is still doing calm and he still took yelling at people and shit That was 30 fucking years ago and you're still yelling at people telling people doing everybody's cocaine There any stories of him like people like hey, man, you want to do some blows again He's like, can I have something he'll do all their blow and come back to like where's the rest of blows? I'm sorry. I did it all. I'm like, who does everybody's blow

That's fucking nuts That's crazy. He's though. He did sex tapes. He did everything he could to get back Celebrity rehab celebrity fitness He did everything he could to get back there and he just kept looking, you know, just looking worse than worse It was like Paulie for a while. Yeah for a while Paulie and now, you know When you see Paulie you can see he's matured. Yeah, just he knows this is that's it You have your green light and you do the best you can with it and you move the fuck on It's when you try to hold on to it. I haven't you know the redhead from Goodfellas the one that Henry Hill

It's his mistress. She had maybe three scenes. They called her a whore. Oh, yeah on the couch I went to a table read once had to be oh my god 15 years ago on sunset Boulevard They had water a bunch of white people and she was there Marlenda. I was there I can't I don't know if there was there was just a really good script. They had it The guy saw me at the store. He said there's a part for like a fucking jab I want you to read, you know, and I wouldn't I didn't know anything about table reads guys I just sat there like a fucking morning and talked to nobody but I was always in shock on how she acted She dressed up like she was going to a fucking

Like a ball like a ball with a mink and She had heels on how she came in and people like looked at her. We like it was completely fucking crazy I'm inappropriate. Would you overkill overkill overkill overkill for what you had done Since then, you know, like just what must be kind of crazy I mean you've talked about how some comedians get babyed or pampered. I mean if for like That biggest movie came out like you you had it with the longest yard Like people doing everything for you telling you how amazing you are if that happens on a reality show for 10 years You must just kind of get used to it like friggin

Justin Bieber went into like the Pittsburgh Steelers Bible study this past weekend like that kid just must he I don't think he even Realizes what he's doing. No, he doesn't yeah, he's got too big I mean when your parents are on the payroll who tell who put you in your place But would you do anything different than him Joe? It's seriously at 22. No, I would even be crazy banging everything Yeah, you just punch everybody at 21 somebody to give you $50 million and I'm doing you any favors But here's where it gets that the hardest. It's to be it's not what happens to you in the money They give you it's the people that are around you It's the people that are around you

They're the most important thing in those situations and who you keep around you Whether you want people to tell you you're the best or if you're smart enough to keep one motherfucker around they'll go Hey, man, what the fuck guy and you're like you're right, you know, that's the difference He has nobody around them that gives a fuck It's like Britney Spears used to go and then they realize it and it's not too late He'll be okay Eventually, but everybody will fucking hate him by that. That's the problem with that little fuck He was gonna get beat up. He's gonna get stabbed on Sunset, you know shit like that

Somebody's gonna hit him with a two by four when he's 42, you know, but It was all his behavior the last couple years how he acted towards people and everybody he gets close to I Don't know. He hangs out with the weirdest fucking people to either make myself look stronger I don't know. He's with the boxer all the time, right? Yeah, Floyd made me whether who else does he hang out with to be cool Every rapper possible. He'd love to show up with rappers I just think it's like he's like almost like a hot chick in that like a chick It's so hot only crazy guys are Have enough courage to actually hit on them so they end up dating crazy people and I think that's probably what happens with them

He's such a huge star that it takes a really crazy person to try to even approach him to be like Hey, let's be friends like only crazy people go for and then he's letting these people in and they're all nuts He hangs out with Chris Brown. Oh really? He hangs out with any you know He hangs out with he just keeps these fucking wackadoos around them and they fuel his fire and that's like I said I can't imagine being 21 and being out here being on a TV show and doing blow how I did and going out at nights of These clubs, but that was never me anyway But I'm just saying let's say if you weren't to going out every night and people opening up doors and well You've talked about that you used to be mad at your stepfather for not giving you any money when your mom passed away

And like how if you if he had it would have probably killed you it would have killed me It would have killed me I don't know how I would and I but I wouldn't have been like that that was never my Thing to go out for people to see you and hang out and stand on line. I just fucking hate that shit Whatever anti-paranoia package I had I can't do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be seen I don't want people talking to me at night when I'm you know, so that shit never worked out for me when you're stoned When you're stoned and you have your feet up and you have a

Walkman slash iPod Slash whatever the fuck to people listen to what is it? I whatever the fuck it is the thing I have on the plane iPod iPod, you know, when you're stoned and you have and you're in the middle of fucking Pink Floyd animals Do you really want anybody talking to you? I don't give a fuck if if if Tom Brady's wife comes in front of be naked If I'm stoned, I'm into that groove your history around me. I don't know you talking to me Why do you think I put music on the car? I don't know why you think I there's no

When there's a good song in the car going on in the car your conversation does not matter, right? Yeah, that's the way I was raised. I don't know what the fuck my wife will talk over music. I'll tell her stop You're in no danger. There's nothing you want to say. That's better than this fucking pink Floyd right now That's always been my thing when I was a kid. I could go into the bedroom Smoke outside wait till my mother left. I would go upstairs locked up thing and I've always been a near phone guy You know why I'll tell you why brings you into it. It brings me into it, but guess what else? I don't want you listen to my music and something else. I don't want to hear your fucking music Let's cut a deal get the fucking earphones on and put them on

I like my music fucking loud and I wanted heavy and you follow me. Yeah, so what makes you think I? Want to hear any fucking stupidity at any time When I'm stoned to the gill and I put that I put on I'm walking down the street when I'm in a weird town I love it When I'm in a town that I don't live on that's the best happiness that you'll ever get out of me Is the music's blasting when I use and I'm walking around and I'm not in touch with anything I'm just in touch with thoughts and that fucking music playing so that's as good as it gets for me And you don't need a million dollars

That's why I like like driving to Vegas. I love Four hours I could fly and it's simple But the drive is like four hours of just by yourself and your thoughts just go crazy And it's like cuz LA's constantly An attack on your senses no matter where you are stop and go. Yeah Beeping hot chicks walking by there's no way of focusing, but man go to Vegas. It's just Yeah, I did it when you went to tempi earlier this year I could have got a plane ticket for like 150

But especially when you get out like out into the desert that you don't have to stop. I loved it That's where that's my first found podcast. I was driving out here from Boston and When you get too far into them into the middle of the country, it's just like preachers actually preaching Yeah, it's weird. Nothing really else. So that's what podcasts are made for. I'm really really fortunate That I never really like that shit and other people I surrounded myself like that shit And after a while, even if you have friends that like a nightlife After a while you won't be friends no because you don't do what they like right you gravitate towards so they disappear But I've always gravitated towards people that

They're not bar people. I've always liked people that very satisfied with going to a restaurant All of us and just talking about comedy till six in the morning. That has always been a lot better for me I can't stand talking over music And I can't stand people talking to me up close and I can't stand when when you're stoned somebody's drunk And they're trying to tell you something. It's two different wave lengths Vibrations and it's very rough. So it didn't match. So I knew that early on Was that hard getting coped then because you've talked about going to a lot of clubs and bars for that So I had a gift of slipping in

Slipping out and hold on. I got to go see a guy outside I always had a certain gift of having a hook you can't go into one of those places Unless you have a hook you do have an ability to get out You have to get out this guy don't have to learn how to get out get out quick And you have to lie and go whatever the fuck it takes but you got to go You got a rock in your pocket. It's you're hot if a cop comes into something you got a rock in your pocket I will get a bump or this little bump and do a couple bumps And then I'll sit at a bar for a couple minutes, but while that rock is in my pocket

I don't like sitting at no fucking bar and it became even worse once I got the felony Because now I got nowhere to go. You got me with drugs. I'm doing time So I don't want to sit there sitting there with a rock in my pocket I was always the king of hiding it somewhere Going in there and banging a little bit giving myself room So if a cop did come in it came out of my pocket. I dropped a half gram of blown a pocket It's a it's 60 people you can't pin it on me, bitch Or you could go make a cocktail like Popeye Doyle did and motherfucking whatever the French connection

We were talking about that before the podcast is like if you're scared when you travel with weed When you had when you were in probation right out of jail, was it terrifying doing drugs? It just didn't matter like you just wanted to do the drugs. I Tiptoed my way around the drugs, but I wasn't stupid Even though I always did drugs Sam Tripoli wasn't gonna come up to me and go hey, man You have a great blow. I have a friend that wants to buy two ounces. That's where the conversation ended. I Never took a drug bust. I never took a drug bust I took a bus for smoking weed on the street of Manhattan in

1982 and I took a probation read but I never took the sales or possession rap for blow It's on my record that I took that I got arrested for blowing New York But I was also doing county jail in Seattle at the time somebody used my ID So if they ever I was doing like 11 days in Seattle on County jail That's when they arrested somebody used my name in Jersey. I know who it is But I never took I was never that dumb to make those mistakes. I always smelled drug traps But not even that but just even buying it and doing no because again I knew exactly I have my route planned. I know what time I'm going there before I go there

I take two rides around the block and see if there's cops anywhere if they're sitting still to make a bus I don't want to walk into a bust. I Always knew I always since a young kid since I was a young kid My mom had those bookie things in the city. So I knew how a bus gets Organized I know it starts four blocks away. There's a command post so I know all these things So that's what you look for. So what's let's say you moved to LA and you're still doing coke You've never been here before what process do you go through to find a dealer who's not an undercover cop comedy store? Yeah, so maybe LA is a bad idea. Let's pretend it's a city that doesn't have a comedy store go right to a comedy club

If there isn't I had a particular gift That I could go anywhere and within three hours. I could have somebody at a bar Ready to rock just by certain words. Just go to a bar get a drink what's happening What's going on bubble boom boom boom boom and all of a sudden you'll see it you'll see if you sit there long enough You'll see people coming out of the bath. I'm not talking about the shame arm. I'm not talking about the you know Club fire in your hometown You all guys all know what a drug bar looks like when a drug bar doesn't look like it doesn't take a fucking genius You go into a drug bar and people have nice shirts and I drug bar you go into a bar

And they still have a leather-skinned shirt and they're missing a tooth and they're dripping their noses dripping their plain darts and They're your home. Yeah, you'll get something you'll leave there with a gun gunpowder Fucking angel dust People still do an angel dust. I Don't know Last night I got stuck seeing I was trying to make notes I was trying to you know, write like a biography

For the web page and do and I had drugs ink on and they were talking about heroin drugs ink is very interesting Cuz I don't know anything about anything But to see them watch met and what's going on up in the Pacific Northwest like Portland in Seattle The heroin is rampant like it's all all the crime is in white neighborhoods like fucking it's it's crazy A lot like the crack epidemic in the black community in the 80s and to the point where I honestly believe That there's powers that be that are behind this huge heroin epidemic that's going on with So, you know, you hear stuff going on Afghanistan. We're like US forces are protecting poppy fields and shit like that You're like, okay, you know crack was black in the 80s and heroin

I think it's like it's the same thing going on within the white community. It's gone crazy Everybody knows that the 9-11 when we attacked I forget right now. I've got a stand That everyone prices went down. Did they really? Yeah, everyone prices went down more Everyone came into the country, you know, if you go to Dearborn, Michigan, all that area. That's a very big Arab community And I heard that heroin was rampant in the Detroit area. I mean Detroit is fucking non-existent guys It's on his last legs. I know they got a couple grants or something. The shit's going on But the heroin was deep there, you know, I know a new work the heroin was deep my buddy Oh deed on a $7 bag used to send them to me. Yeah, dude, $7 bags of heroin. I've lost a couple friends

seven dollars seven dollars So for $7 mean you're right now could go with two fucking bags for a $20 bill of Pretty fucking good heroin. How long does it take to go from like weed to heroin? I can't imagine one day one right after this podcast No, but like a normal person, you know, it's it's whatever I can't imagine shooting my mangle you go Listen the first time I went behind a building or church or whatever to take two hits off of fucking joint. I Was anti everything I was anti-powder. I was anti-acid

But once I smoked pot and heard music Because of my love for music my friends told me it only gets better You gotta fucking do this acid. Oh And I remember doing a half a sheet and doing acid and listen to a dark side of the moon Run whatever on the run and just having like a heart attack in bed like and then I like that I really enjoyed that And then I would do THC crystal, which is let's get the fucking

Let's get that whatever out of the room. It's it's it's it's it's angel dust But angel does that's different than crystal math completely What's the difference crystal met you're gonna scratch and stay up the fucking 14 fucking days I Angel dust is what is angel dust animal tranquilizers gorilla biscuits They had 20,000 names for it, but at the end of the week, it was animal tranquilizer mixed with something else There was a certain age I had that there was two things that were very popular It was angel dust and formaldehyde. Oh

Okay, so I think they use one dead bodies. Oh, you would get fucked Upjack, yeah, they did they dip weed in you dip a joint a weed in formaldehyde those joints used to go for 20 bucks in 1980 Whoa, and as soon as you got that shit a lot of money like as soon as you put it in your wrapper here As soon as you it was it smelled it's it was dirty like you didn't even want to touch it You put that in your mouth, but you took that joint up and you fucking lit it. Oh my god six people Blast it. What does it feel like? How's it just a normal weed? Okay, I'm gonna tell you what I used to do. I Used to have this buddy Carlos Perez. This is my beginning. This is my

This was a little before my mother died. I Did t8s t8c crystal. That's what they sold it to us as And we used to have to go to Union City and buy it to this bar on 22nd and New York Avenue across from Liebeschlem Funeral Park is still there which in reality was the County morgue So that's how fucking like that's how bad of a sign it was So first I used to get it up 39 string you get it and you for $10 you got three lines so for $3 at 14 and a half 15

Me you and fuck over here got blasted. So what did it feel like? It felt like doing tranquil. I felt like doing heavy sleeping pills, but you stay awake Fuelled you and everything moved real fast So the first nonce of twice we did it we would stay at the basketball court And then you walk up to the fucking Chinese store at the time we called the chink store We'd walk up to the chink store and then we'd walk home and it lasted you know the heavy heavy intense feeling was about three or four hours and Then I thought you had about four hours of these days that you communicate you go and talk to your mom and shit

So as you kept in your room and didn't get asked big questions the Declaration of Independence or something you were covered But we took it a little farther. We started taking it and going into the city Here we are 15 year old kids Doing a $10 bag between three of us and getting on a bus and going to 42nd Street Getting off that fucking bus walking on 42nd Street. What's your time square time square and hearing people yelling acid marijuana? You know, whatever cocaine and switch blades and then we'd go and we play we got caught We play three card Monty, but this is when it gets crazy guys This is when it gets the crazies. It would be like six of us Sabatino Ray Cannella who we had lunch with today

Phillips Michael speciale Dominic speciale myself Carlos Perez could be seven or eight of us and we go into the city and say to each other Trips, it's five o'clock at 6 30. I'll meet you on 178th Street and Broadway by the Port Authority So we would disappear and go our own ways and Walk through the city by yourself likes no like three of us Oh of them and and then I lose lead, but we all knew we had to be on a hundred seventy eight Street and that became something else and

Then I did that until I got the lung infection From the Paraclete from the Paraclete that summer of 79. I was fucking every three or four days We were hitting that motherfucking THC crystal and that became an acid addiction so after I got like when I got out of The doc when I got out of the hospital September 28th That became because I was scared it was gonna sit in my lungs the powder From the thing with infect the Paraclete so I stopped snorting THC and I got into my acid addiction But I was into that angel dust for a couple of months then it stopped but in New York City

It was rampant again in the mid-80s So you would go into the city and you would go to like anywhere from a hundred and 16th Up to like a hundred and 19th Street on 3rd Avenue with the with the Puerto Rican neighborhoods are all that stuff And you would never black neighborhoods. Oh you kid and I would Meet people who sold nickel bags when dime bags of chocolate tie weed, but they also sold trays of that angel dust And basically a tray is a half a gram that you sprinkle on your joint And then you rolled your joint and hit it so I went over there and I can't I went over there a couple times and People always go dog add that tray that motherfucker. The tray was like the super size

With the super sizes at McDonald's I mean your McDonald's are like, hey, what do you want to do? You want to do this? So you want to do the fucking boner? Yeah, super size me So for another three bucks, you not only smoke great weed, but now you're gonna see the fucking devil That's what angel dust so I so you you both like to go really fast off a weed And maybe angel dust and then you like to go really slow too, right with weed Well the angel dust slows you you said it was like a sleeping pill It was like a sleeping pill that that has heart to it. Yeah, it's like a sleeping pill with heart You know, you know, you're not gonna go to sleep things never said you're not gonna nod

But you're gonna be like yeah, man and everything flashes. I remember having conversations on it, but then in 83 I Went over to the city on a Monday And it was raining At that time I was a runner for a numbers bank. There was a numbers bank on like a hundred and nineteen eighteenth The guy's still around the fathers in Puerto Rico. They stopped they were huge But as time as the lotteries took in the numbers in New York shrunk It became a one-man operation. I go to New York now and probably make a hundred grand a year doing numbers But so one-man operation I can have another guy

Come in and help me and run errands or something, but I could sit on the phones all day I get seen in a bodega shop. So my job was to help this guy He'd give me like a buck 20 a buck 40 a day if nobody hit the number you give me 200 and it was great for me because I got to go into the city pick up money and then I'd pick up drugs on the way back I couldn't lose I'd pick up a grant a Grammar blow and a fucking 20 of a weed Did you ever know I just saw this video of this woman who was just passed out while standing up in the street of New York and It blew my mind like did you like I don't do you ever do that where you just like couldn't I loved it

I love seeing people not I only nodded honestly only nodded one time Well, I got sick when I got high on the heroin and Gunther Brown's And I told the story of people hate it with me because I told the story They were like you don't trip on it on heroin. I didn't trip. I never said I trip I said in my fucking dilemma in my dreams. I saw this fucking none That's what I told the story and people got pissed off at me, but that's the only time I really they want you to get your drug Facts, right? Yeah, I think I nodded. I got sick. You know, I had I got heroin sick. Yeah When you do heroin you get sick like you get sick and that's when the heroin kicks you

So you do a line puke but after you puke now is when you're ready. Oh really? Once you puke you're like, oh, yeah, they said that in Breaking Bad, but fuck. I don't like Needles, so I'm happy. I never did me too. We that saved me completely If I if God would love me to have needles, I wouldn't be having this conversation Is that bathroom right there? No, I have a key for is anyone ever gone to bathroom on the podcast before no guy You got to go. I got a piss man. I put on fucking and I want to be around so it's perfect I Mean like I don't want to end it, but man

I know it happens. It happens. It happens to me all the fucking time. I gotta pee all the I can't believe you I'm this angel. That's the least I know what's happening. You're like an angel. You want to try not even a little bit good for you That's why I love you always smart. You learn I want to be ready for another gloomy. No If we don't kill these two, you don't have to eat a whole one I'm gonna have to eat that anyways Boomies are models in the house. Yeah, they made them less strong, right? Yeah. Well, you lied to me With me

What's up, cock sucker? How you doing? I'm all right. We had a nice time with Ray Canella, right? Yeah, he's the nicest guy in the world. He's uh, he's called into the podcast twice He's the guy that worked at a screen box and he's got cream box now Yeah, how much is it a month four bucks four bucks a month unlimited horror on Roku and they have a website They got a website great fucking kid, man. I've known him. We had a band in the sixth grade He was in town doing a bunch of business until he and I took him out for lunch and Fucking great lunch. Oh Jesus Christ. I haven't had pasta in months. How many calories did you write down? I wrote down like 1,100 I think

No, I didn't think it was that bad. No, it wasn't that bad because all right I'll tell you exactly what I did. I have to write down the cannoli But I wrote down the canola wasn't bad either because if we each had a half Yeah, we did it right today. We're fucking great lunch today. So yeah, my the The what it has in the app is chicken parm was 321 I had a cup of spaghetti for like 210 Marinara was like 80 calories and I have a cannoli was 110 and you don't know if that's right because you're eating out But that's what the app says. So that's like what are they right? Well, you're at my fitness pal and it says Maserino's

No, no, they don't have they do have some restaurants like some of the bigger one, right? The bigger ones nutrition information they do but I mean, it's a good guess and I had a small dinner. So Yeah, I stayed within my calories today. We'll see what happens tonight, but fuck He gives me this stuff and I'll go home and eat everything Guys, we went to this Italian place today. It's been there for 30 years. I Kept hearing about it Jimmy Schubert kept telling me we went there for lunch one day and I'm like, this is tremendous 1095 you get spaghetti meatballs chicken parmesan a salad and a salad Wow fucking drink good deal bread. Yeah for lunch and it's fast. You know, we went in there

We went in there a couple times and one night me my wife. Let's go in there boom closed It closed something happened and they reopened it. So today we're gonna take them to Domingos for a sandwich He lives in Lota, New Jersey. What the fuck am I gonna take them? So awesome like let's take them to Maserino's cuz that's 20 minutes. Yeah, it's a long time It was I mean everybody raved about the meal including him and he lives in Jersey He was like the cannoli was great. The sausage was great the fucking he was torching the fucking Gentiles You kept telling the guy give me a little sausage. The guy's like, what was that a little sausage? I don't understand what you're saying sausage your fuck sausage your fucking cock. What's up, Lisa?

Yeah, they had a fucked up weekend at John's The supermarket or you got it again. That's why I got I got hit again, which was going to go to John's It's right next to my house It's right it's right next to my house and her mom needed some like Mexican stuff for enchiladas But you enchiladas not you with Mexican. They're really good. Oh, so you're dating a Jew. No Mexican. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's been two Mexican kids. You're gonna have a Jew Mexican kid In a few years not for a while, but the fucked up thing that happened I wanted to know if it happened to you

We went to a place for dinner and immediately I felt like I had to take a shit and I almost hit my pants and John's Like it got was at the point where you had to take like one step and stop for 30 seconds That means don't go back to that restaurant and then I started laughing and I almost came out But I actually made it to the bathroom. Have you ever shit in like a public place in front of like your wife or something? Not in front of them, but I usually run in there. I shit the other day in the Apple But I don't shit with regular people. I shit in the handicapped bathroom. Oh, yeah Singular it's singing. No, no, no, I'm not talking about the handicapped bathroom in the big bathroom You know at airports to have a family bathroom. You take your kids with diapers

bless you but I'm gonna have you actually like pooped your pants. Have I pooped my pants? Never never never in your life Never I've shit my pants, please. Oh, yeah, you go to fart by mistake. Oh, yeah I'm down. You got to like double check and it just comes out. You're like, oh my god I just shit my pants. No, it almost happened in the grocery store. No, it happens. What'd you do? Yeah, you just kegel with your asshole and just make a quick fucking run for but the bathroom there was disgusting But yeah, sometimes it's either like either put my ass on some dirty fucking Chris

I mean some fucking dirty marble or shit my pants and you're like, I'm just gonna take whatever that bulls got I don't even play. I don't even play sometimes like if I really have to go to bed I just don't look for a tree a park. Oh the shit outdoors You ever shit you shit in the park? I shit in Mike Faber's yard one night What I did a gig with Mike Faber like in Colt like someplace five hours away and the deal was he would Pay for the rent to clean he hooked up with a chick. Yeah, so he goes take the car home and she'll drive me home tomorrow And I'll pay for the rent to call just leave them my yard. It was a five-hour drive. They fed you really good

So two hours after the drive you got to go to the bathroom. It's midnight. Yeah, you're home by midnight one o'clock. Oh My god, I got into Hollywood. I got three thirty in the morning. There was not a soul on the street I got the famous backyard. I had to go. I just had to go. Does he know this? Yeah, I told him like a day later He's like I drove over it. What is wrong with you? Jesus Christ. I'm when he lived on Fairfax Where's he living now? I don't know somewhere in Hollywood. I've never shit in the outdoors Oh my god in this house where I live one day I went to get sushi and sometimes you eat a little bit too much or you can eat sushi and the rice Just works away into your stomach and I had to go home. I forgot my key

And I climbed through my window I mean that time I went outside another time I went outside on the way back from a gig a comedy gig at night Because sometimes you do comedy you get in the car you're getting you're you look in the bathroom You're like, it's too dirty. I'm not gonna go in there. I'll make it home. You're not gonna fucking make it. Yeah It's just amazing doors all time. Oh, yeah, that's all the time. I'll find a bush be like That's nothing to me you wanna you want to do talk to me about being outside, you got nothing Do you ever get amazed Joey? I don't know if you do it But I am blown away by how much people laugh at shit jokes like it blows my mind

I have like a fucking murderous Almost shit my pants story that like murders and it blows my mind how hard it murders Do you know why I think because everybody is almost or Shit that pan. Yeah moment in that life and it's really how you react to it Now you feel about yourself after it because you really feel bad. You feel shitty, you know, you just feel It's embarrassing. You're like I'm an adult. Who am I gonna tell you you're underwears. You just throw them away I mean, there's no sense of scrubbing them out or shouting them out because you know, just it's just terrible bleach stick It's just terrible. It really is an embarrassing thing

What's up, Lisa? Yeah, are you baked it? Oh, yeah, he ain't baked. I was still have him earlier today You give me another one. So San Francisco last week. You're really lucky man. You're going to Sacramento I love that club. What people don't realize is there's a lot of good great comedy states Like there's a really good places where comedy has been a tradition for a long time The Bay Area is one of those places easily Northern, California is one of those places, you know Sacramento punchline those older clubs like that, you know, what's his name came out of Oakland? What's the kid they used to go to comedy store a couple guys are coming a fucking old couple big comments Oh, yeah, there's a couple mr. Cooper. Yeah, the white dude that died

Robin Williams. No, it was a big Oakland comic. Really? Yeah. He's a performing Oakland all the time. There you go Yeah, I'm wrong. Yeah, something about Northern, California Moment. What's his name now? Moshe cashers a guy who came out of San Francisco recently There's a bunch of funny guys. Yeah, no, no, and it just goes to show you that that area Rejoice it they rejoice it. They support it. They go out, you know, when I lived in San Francisco in 85 They had comedy clubs that I go know that I dream of being a comic that no But then years ago, you know, when I first got into comedy, that'll be six full-time clubs of that But look at a Phoenix. Look at Phoenix, Arizona, dude

How many comedy clubs are gonna be out there soon? They're open in a laugh factory. They got house a comedy They got Tempe improv. They got Standup line stand up live. They got stand-up Scottsdale I think there's and like the house of comedy is the only one that's kind of on its own area all the rest of them are like Within like a five square miles. There's like five comedy clubs. It's crazy and they're all great clubs I hear the house of comedy is a great club. Gorgeous, dude. It's a gorgeous club You go there like whoa, this is like a good looking and you know what they they did something smart They made a regular-sized comedy club like all these new comedy clubs are open up

They're like you unless you're Gabriel Glacius like how you're gonna pack this room. It's just like impossible. It's huge But you know, this one's a good-sized club that would be if you shot something there. It would look really good, you know, I Always went to cobs a road He could put 400 people easy Yeah, but I did last year with Ari and we sold tickets with Ari last year But I just wanted to be somewhere more intimate So I chose the punchline and it was fucking tremendous. I love that. It's C280. Yeah, I like both punchlines I like all three of them. The problem is the one that when I got a driver now to the airport on Sunday

I don't want to do that. I'm doing a laughing skull the laughing skull. That's perfect. It's 80 people. Yeah, perfect That is perfect. That's a and it's you know listen man when you get into comedy. Yeah, you have these dreams or whatever Once you do them, I don't want to work feeders. I really don't I really don't want to do more than 300 people really more than 250 And it's got to be seated right, you know, right like like San Francisco. It's seated, right? Even sitting at the bar at the punchline. It's a great comfortable seat, you know, I want everybody to be comfortable I don't want people to be sitting next to people. They don't fucking know, you know There's clubs that put people at your table, you know, hi for hi And you sit like who the fuck are these fucking morons? Yeah, they do that in a lot of places

Yeah, I don't want to sit next to nobody give me the fucking know give me the fourth you like dark clubs or brighter crowds I like him. I like him Darkish because then people I find laugh louder when they're in a dark room when the lights are bright and they could see each other They they're a little bit more nervous about laughing at some weird shit. At least that's what I found for you You know listen man, I hate when you work with a comic and you're ready to start the show and a comic walks into the green When this starts this bullshit, I do the mic test and you can't hear it in the back It's cold in there, you know the lights are too and you're like you're already killing yourself Yeah, before you're going on stage

So I didn't really want to answer cuz I don't want young comics watching or listening to God. Yeah, that's a no Nothing else matters, but the microphone you and them if they don't laugh. Guess what it's on you Maybe your energy. Oh, yeah, but the six comics before me sucked So you should have fucking been good every excuse that you give yourself for not being funny on stage goes back to you Playing and fucking simple not the audience not the fucking microphone You know, oh, I didn't know what you should fucking listen, but you're too busy listening to your bad fucking jokes How do I know cuz I've done it myself The fuck is wrong with these goddamn people

Joe, you know being a comedy store comic that like there's a level of experience with chaos that you have a bunch of Tools to deal with great story real quick. I just did a Vegas I kind of had a couple days off in LA so I'm like I'm gonna sit around I'm gonna go do some spots out in Vegas because I'm blessed to have some friends who let me go up I go out there. I do a couple great spots. I like comedy club Sin City show and then I go do this show I've done a bunch of time called the dirty at 1230 and it was starting By South Point. Yeah, I'll be made tremendous. It's a great show at December's fifth. Oh, dude I might have to go watch. No, no, no, that's all going then we're all going January 2nd

Me shall be it because we're doing the mirage with Rogan in Vegas on a Friday night after New Year's Why not let's just fucking get a cab and shoot over to the South Point in midnight then on Saturday after you have seen They do another dirty at 1230 at a different fucking place. Oh, yeah, they did now. They got a Like a mandolin Bay. I think yeah, so Gabe Gabe is working hard a blow-up as quality quality dude Working hard man. So we do that. So I do it. I show up Brett Ernest's headlining the LA comedy club So it's like we get the team back together. We have some fun. We go down and we do the dirty at 1230 This guy who's opening shows very cool Edwin San Juan is the host. He's hosting killing it. This guy named scratch this local guy really funny dude out of Florida

He's doing it. He gets heckled by these dudes in the front row who turn out to be cops These guys are cops in the front row. They have a night off. They're fucking heckling this guy right out the gate I felt bad for him because he was like really excited to finally get to do the show And he is like even kind of pacing back on I don't know why I'm nervous, you know, I've been doing this forever I'm like, yeah, man, you're gonna kill so he goes up there. They these guys jump them right off the gate so he's dealing with that and he Scratch gets the crowd behind him and it starts everyone starts booing these dudes and it's kind of cool He deals with he gives up gets off stage that fan goes up does that fan funny really cool cat does really well

I get up and I just start murdering people, right? I mean, I'm in the crowd I'm yelling at someone's mom how I want to do cocaine over asshole and the place is going fucking nuts, right? So it's great. I get off stage, man I mean I get that I break this crowd open, you know, and it's Ernst's turn to go up So as soon as I walk in the back and everyone's like great sell or something. I hear go. Oh, hey, let's go What the fuck good in the back the cops had gotten up and went after and started swinging on scratch Brett Ernst Comedy store in the moment starts doing play-by-play of the fight as it's going on

He doesn't even skip a beat He just starts going John Madden and calling out the fight as people are fighting and dude Anybody else would have fucking ate a dog's dick on stage, you know Comedy store for fucking 15 years in the moment fucking starts to play-by-play the crowd's going crazy They end the fight I walk in I start separating people people go their own way Brett boom hits a stride fucking super crush it just dealing with the fucking moment But anyway and that fan comes up goes you and fucking nerds you guys are fucking thick skin You guys been store for so long you guys could deal with all that fucking chaos. It's like yeah, dude

I mean I used to walk in the dude I used to walk in the fucking five o'clock fires all the time at the counter So when I got first picked up at the file fucking you two of the biggest bombs in my life are following Lisa Lampinelli And this motherfucker in a comedy store. I mean this guy's fucking flamethrower room. I go out and I got my shit I think I know what I'm doing. I'm throwing punchlines into a fucking well and not hitting my not here My lines hit at all and I would have to follow him Rogan dice Eddie Griffin night in night out and those dudes were doing like an hour And I had to go up there and somehow keep the crowd in the fucking hole whole thing man

And it was just like it was so funny to watch returns just handled this fucking crowd It was so fucking funny last week. I was watching I'll tell the story I don't give a fuck what happens because I'm just trying to prove a point here and we're all gentlemen We all understand this last week. We were you on my house last Tuesday. We watched son's anarchy. No, somebody was over there eating and I got It was my wife's buddy and I caught the end of it and then they have a show afterward And it's hosted by somebody from Our Chelsea Chelsea

Oh, I sat there and watched it and after eight or nine minutes. I felt bad I felt bad night and I didn't feel bad for him. I felt bad because he didn't have chops Okay, he didn't have chops you could go to ITT tech and you're probably gonna be a good mechanic And you're gonna get a good education that but unless You work at your father's gas station and take garbage out and get coffee and quarter parts and there's a different Zen to that There's a different Zen to that There's a thing called Gracie combatives where you go when you learn moves, but you don't really wrestle

That's great, and you'll be great under different situations. I can't last around when I go to jiu-jitsu But I do three of those and I know someday my me doing that. It's Matt time. It's called Matt time You're doing jiu-jitsu. Yeah for like two years. I'm terrible. I can't even fucking breathe. I didn't go to that I got busy this morning start to jiu-jitsu, but uh with comedy, you know, you could go to all the groundling classes you fucking want Okay, and I'll put this out there if somebody wants to call me out of call me a jerk off or whatever Go be it you want to go to IO and do all those classes? You could do what the fuck you do and I wish you a lot of luck, but I'll tell you what you ain't gonna have the education I haven't fucking comedy

Because I got on a bus and I went from coast to fucking coast On a bus and I have witnesses that'll come on this show and tell you I would leave LA in November and come back on April I'm a bus and all that time I took two Southwest flights You know I'm saying I would take two Southwest flights in that whole time I would start and fucking on a plane to whatever To a bus to El Paso and then a plane from El Paso to Boston to New Hampshire where nobody lands and it's cheap In those days you went to New Hampshire. I take a bus in and fucking bust a buffalo I mean come on I lived on a fucking great

But it wasn't I knew when I was doing it and I'd call home and people like always rocking at the store Yeah, night some girl was there sucking people's dick Here I was in Michigan at Grand, you know a fucking Grand Rapids So I would be in like I don't even know each by me in or Traverse City and a fucking Motel six We're gonna VFW with eight people in Traverse City. You have no fucking idea And at that time I was already at the store, but I had bombed in LA a couple times and I'm like this can't happen I can't have this happen, you know because in LA you're gonna slip through You're gonna go to Lafactory and follow some cute guys and you're gonna be the hit over at the Great Lounge

On Melrose where they laugh at yuck yuck jokes, but then something's gonna happen You're gonna go to the improv to do one of those special he shows and you're gonna have to get in between Sam Tripoli and Nick the Apollo Okay, so Sam Tripoli isn't at every improv every week and there's no pictures of him hanging out with Chelsea lately But he's a fucking badass comic and he's probably gonna have 11 minutes, which means he's gonna sizzle the room harder than you've ever seen a room getting sizzled Because you were headlining your hometown club or something you were headlining after two years you went to Montreal

You know, they loved you. You know, they love you on Comedy Central and you walking that improv on a Saturday night And for the 200 people and you have to follow this killer from Manila and then get sandwiched in between Nick the Apollo Because at first you'll go so I couldn't follow Tripoli, but fuck Tripoli. He was dirty You're gonna make up an excuse and you're gonna tell your agent he talked to the crowd, you know, whatever fucking mind fuck you You'd be surprised the mind fuck they tell themselves and then you're gonna watch Nick the Apollo go up there and Whatever Nick whatever he did to the room Nick the Apollo's gonna take that room and sandwich it now Spit on that piss on that light and on fire Because it's 20 years of experience and you're not gonna be a murder with your four years at IO

Well, I was in college. I was at IO and I was the most likely to succeed at improv West That's not gonna cut it. That's not gonna cut it and I knew that I knew I had come off for six years of working hard Doing triple runs Mormon rooms where they switch up the rules on you Seattle, you know, Portland the Tri-Cities. I was I was bombing in Colorado for two years When I got down way, I thought first off you lose 10 minutes from your area jokes Yeah, because if you move from Arizona those jokes aren't gonna work in the main at first you say him and you learn the hardware You're like, yeah, so the judge in Arizona like this is Los Angeles, bitch We don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It's it's a hell and I'm very proud that I have those chops

And you'll never take them away from me. Can't take them away from you I've always said that man. It's like I have this issue with some bookers. I'm very blessed some bookers Like me, but there's some bookers that just have just weird things and it's such an interesting thing to see a booker Who acts like they decide everything and they pay? Oh, I don't like him out like that and I'm like, you know, man I'm just gonna wait it out because in two years. You'll probably be gone. Most likely if you're calm being like that Exit out these people only letting these people eventually it's gonna catch up with you and you're gone gone Sometimes you get some good people like Molly from the punchline has been around for a while. She's funny and she's cool She seems to let a wide range of people play those clubs

But I've met these fucking dickhead fucking these bookers on there Who just have like a certain view of comedy and if you don't fit into that you never get to work their club? And I'm just like I'll just wait two years. You'll be gone and then the next person will fucking let me in I've seen it happen a thousand times before it's just an interesting thing when somebody's a booker There's a lot of power, but once that's gone. That's power. It's all gone. It's just gone Nothing you got no tangible skill, you know, which like if you if I say you can never play this club again That's fine. You got skills. You go play another club and make magic happen. It's just such an interesting thing It's such a power play that is so fleeting. I remember there was a couple of bookers

They used to talk shit about Joe bringing me and Ari on the road And I remember like I busted ones balls in San Francisco. He doesn't exist It's amazing the people and I gotta tell you something. I've never had respect for Authority just Especially in a semi corporate because right now it's very corporate no matter what you get into when I was starting comedy And I was looking for a job. It was still semi corporate, you know, and I've never had respect for a lot of that level I don't know why I just never did because we're the ones that are out there busting our arms And you're walking around a suit and people fear you know what when Joe comes in make sure you you send a computer. It's so

Typical how they act it's fake. It's fake. It's so typical when we put this fake fear up. That's what I hate it I don't fear anybody feel myself now. I fear myself if I don't write or if I don't fucking whatever But it's in that work thing you get this fear and these guys These bookers had that same like I'm better than everybody here. Yeah, we're right and comics give them coffee and then They're very cool and and they all disappeared, you know mark batter was doing a great job in Houston He became the end all be all he's gone You know these guys come and go Sarah and I was one of the Tommy one of the biggest wenches you ever Met in your life. She was Cleveland and Buffalo and Miami improv

So she would run you through the mill She'd give you if she didn't like you should give you a buffalo and Cleveland in January back to back And then she'd go call me for Miami and she wouldn't take your calls for a year Then she tried to give you a buffalo and you'd have to stick up for yourself and go Hey, what happened to that Miami day? And she'd give it to you. It was amazing how she treated me and I'll never forget those people like I never ever forgotten them And I wish that they turned the TV on and saw me by mistake or something Not that I was better than them, but I did some with myself. We're fucking late now

That's what I'm saying. They're selling real estate now. Yeah sucking somebody's dick, you know, they're not doing none creatively with their life I've never understood how non creative people could judge creative people. Well, that's this whole town That's the fucking thing. There's a big difference when you Be in a creative person and understanding the genre that's going on Then you go to Emerson College and I told you that when we hooked up I said that to you and you looked at me with the camera. I go I don't want you using the same shit. They taught you at Emerson College. No disrespect I want you to use what you want to use. I said, let's use something that we don't look like what everybody else is doing

I don't give a fuck if you need the romantic Interest in the film to make it happen if the film doesn't call for a romantic interest It just makes the film clunky. Your formula is not gonna work forever Now take an example with John and we're all gonna agree on it podcasting Yeah podcasting if you're a manager today or an agent I come to you and I go I'm not going in for an audition My podcast is on fire. They don't understand They don't understand that that this catches on daily. This is something that people are sick and tired of hearing

Bullshit that's how they're hearing the weather when they don't want to hear it. We have a friend that it's very interesting He worked for sci-fi got laid off But he enjoyed the layoff because he saw the death of cable coming anyway He talked to his kids he would see what his kids were doing and he was saying won't you kids watch cable? No, no, we're watching He quit now he opened up his own station. It's a horror station and some people get it and some people don't get it, you know The networks they give Clunky comedian specials here. There's guys that are out there proving themselves

That should have been on TV five years ago But the networks and the networks executive fall in love with a certain type and they'll go with it to the end And you see it's a bombing and though it's a dog with fleas this kid doesn't have the chops You never developed this kid. You didn't make America fall in love with them before you put them on TV There's no creativity anymore. Everything is a piece of paper There's no creativity if I give Lisa I had a deal at CBS to develop a show and I give you a hundred thousand dollars Develop a show and I put you with Sam Tripoli develop a show and I believe in you that much The first thing I'm doing is calling the executive producers from two and a half men and going eight

Lee sciat is doing three guest spots on your show Who the fuck is least don't you fucking work? Fuck you think you're fucking talking to L E E s y a t t that's okay Get Elaine on the phone and tell her I'm setting up a mean thing to go down there talk to the kid. He's a stand-up grab a pen He's gonna be at the improv Melrose you fuck what improv you work at CBS What fucking improv do you think Melrose is gonna get the commies to 1130 somebody go see him and get back to me bye

That's what you do and you write him into the hit shows You write him into that show you write him into somebody else show so when people see you in the commercial in six months What they do with Malaney how many shows they put Malaney on? How many how many shows they put Kristalln when her show got picked up none none They should have had Kristalln. I don't know but who they they're gonna have that fucking skank that killed the singer from From Nirvana with that pussy. What's her name? Corny love they got her on sons of anarchy wasting time Really, that's the bits that killed the drummer from Nirvana with the whatever his fucking name is the bogey

Yeah, she's the one you think people he killed himself because a drug No, he killed himself because he smelled a snatch. That's why it smelled like fucking death. It's not like fucking Seattle vomit That's why yeah, and they're giving her TV spots, but they're wasting your time We got Cristela Lonzo fighting for our life in Mexican fat chick with a fucking dangly tooth Hanging there on ABC on Friday nights. It's gonna fucking do well Gabriel's on the show with it Yeah, and they didn't put on anything else. They don't know dick. They don't they're not fucking creative It's just people pushing but there's suits dude They're yes doing what they're doing who just moved their way up and it just sucks and it's unnecessary because you know for me

Personally, it's like my life my career. I've done well with everybody But there's one group of people these fucking suits who are gamblers. That's all suits are gamblers Are they gambler? They want to gamble on you. They don't want to gamble on you So but they keep gambling on the same person, you know that that thing never never works out Well, the guy who does it all the time they don't want because you know what else Joey as Much as we want to make it. There's the suits out there. They want to be like I have the magic eye I discovered this thing so like if I go I got Joey Diaz here this and you're killing it Let's just say fictitiously. You're the guy you are but without the heat. I'm like all this Joey Diaz people love him

He's huge. Nobody wants to be like, oh, yeah, let's go them. Let's go with this kid And no one knows so they could be like look who I discovered Let's work our way backwards instead of it's very weird that you think that they had a lot more comments as you said something before You said these comedy clubs keep building they make them bigger and bigger and bigger And we go play there and we wish that we could fill 600 seats Yeah, that's the dream, but then when you get there guess what folks 600 seats in a room is an awkward fucking room After 500 it becomes a theater and if it isn't the theater don't try to sell it if they the chicken don't tell me

It's a fucking rooster. You know saying that you follow me laundry. So for a comic. It's very awkward to perform in those places I know it is for me. So that's why I was setting before. Yeah, Joey, but you can make so much money. You know what? I rather feel comfortable. I rather you leave like you heard every word. I Want you to see me from every angle, you know, so you can see me scratching my balls Look at him. He's got a stain on his dick from his peanut. He didn't wash his helmet. Oh, he's got syphilis So I want you to see my skin off fucked up. I want you to see a piece of meat in my tooth I'm a normal you want the intimacy of what's supposed to replace the Dorae me for the intimacy I rather do an extra show than sit there and the people in the back

And you got to do it when you do a theater It's a different kind of delivery You got to drop your punchline wait for the last go all the way the back come all the way and then you go to your next Like you ever have a bit where it's like tack tack tack tack Those are really hard bits to do in theaters because right because the timing yeah, the timing's off So they laugh really hard you wait a second you drop it again. It just doesn't have the same timing I bomb it all those Joe Rogan No way Joey Diaz

I go first. I love you to death. You're crazy. I go up first I go up first and nobody gets up a twilight timing And I'll tell you what man I'll step on my punchlines Unless the sound is very good like them arise the sound is world-class where we do to show where they do the Lion King in Vegas when he used to do that theater the sound is good But I could put five theaters why would go out there and Bomb I'm gonna bomb in for like four theaters in the row

We would laugh about it and then Pittsburgh Pittsburgh has a theater that is Perfect the only problem is 1200 people. Oh, but if you saw it you go. Oh, yeah This is what I'm shooting my HBO special. It's all over It's all over because once there's rooms that you go into that you get excited about There's rooms like because of the structure of the original room That's the structure where I work the best. Yeah, because I could close my eyes and visualize myself In that structure, you know, I was having struggling. I always go to San Francisco and I struggle Sometimes I don't see that ever happen. I feel a struggle

Friday Saturday early show I blew it up like I haven't blown up a long time the last time I went to Frisco I ate death Thursday two shows Friday and the early show Saturday, but that late show Saturday Yeah, I took it to a different level a switch goes off. I have a fear There's a fear I have and once I'm at a level. Yeah, I'm getting laughs I you you've been there when you've walked off stage and by the common eye You've gotten laughs. Yeah, we all could do that. We're doing it 15 fucking years. I'm talking about that rhythm I'm talking about the unity of life. Yeah, I get it. I'm talking about the

Jokes the whole thing even nights when your timing is on it wasn't together. Yeah, so I have to I'm doing something wrong It's my body language. It's my energy. I'm not scratching my balls. I'm not cursing I'm not doing something wrong because they're not feeling it Yeah, I understand this is coming is a lot more than going up there and telling fucking jokes When you see Kevin on he's killing his energy is on his aura is on, you know his materials on it's six things There's nights. I go up there and to us Joey's on but the Joey trips. Come on You I get it dude, and you go You know that wasn't really me and they come up to you

This is the best I've ever seen you and you're like looking at this person going you're fucking retarded. Yeah I've had way better sets. They were technical. They were following you in San Jose is was an education, dude I followed this dude and following Joey Diaz at a Joe Rogan show is like Middling for Van Halen, but David Lee Roth is the opening act You know because this motherfucker goes up there and does ten minutes of just the most well-written ass-eating material I've ever heard in my life, and I'm just going through the roller-decks going What am I gonna do that's gonna follow this and I got my head and for the first show? It was I gonna be honest with you

It didn't go well because I like it psychologically. I beat myself up Which is always the only time I don't have a good set is when I psychologically beat myself up Second show it went great, and I said fuck it. What do I got to lose here? But dude you you're a monster, dude. You're you're a guy I don't have to gear up for a lot of people, but I'm like who am I fine? Okay, Diaz Okay, I have to go San Francisco 49ers. We're at the fucking script my first 15 plays because I gotta follow I gotta let the jokes get me through when maybe my mentality isn't there like it should be anybody else It's like flamethrower flamethrower flamethrower. I'll enjoy Diaz man. We got a script of shit. It's crazy

How I have a blue collar it's because you know you want to say yeah It's because of the commie store original room, but it's so many fucking rooms that For me to get that style. I Love doing 20 minutes Let's get the other way. Give me a light at 18 And you get off quick man. You get a light at 18. You're off at 20. Nobody else does that And you really want to rock this motherfucker let's do 12 give me a lighter 10 I Guarantee I'll break one of these fucking bulbs just from the heat one of these both. I love all that shit

That's why I love it and it's weird that I could do any dimension of time You know, I love doing six minutes. Oh Six minutes Three minutes. Oh Where that's a lot of people can't are you even doing jokes at three minutes or you're just like Tutoring it's energy. It's just a burst of energy, but that's three minutes also taught me how to audition Do you follow me how it goes hand-in-hand? So when you're in Seattle and you're an open mic and you're going I can't do nothing in three minutes

Mitzi sure easy to give you three minutes Three fucking minutes. You have three minutes to make do make it a break it So you really got to be tuned up those three minutes that goes back to auditioning So now you think you are polishing up your stand-up and you were questioning it don't fucking question that but that's something You won't know if you went to ground links That's something you won't know if you went to Iowa We took a stand-up course from somebody and started fucking around these are the things you'll never know It took me six years to get the carrots to come to Los Angeles. Not because I thought I was good

I never thought I ended up doing shit to stand up talking into it And I had two years of fluff time and in those two years of fluff time I picked up a movie a pilot so they pay attention even though he sucks They pay attention now you got bless you look at your line Even though I suck they had to pay attention And eventually the pieces come together and then you grow on that And that's what we're discussing here. That's what it's all about You know, sometimes you don't come here. You're not the funniest guy, but you come you look

You see what you got to do and you set your dream in motion And even though you put your hooks in here you go on the road in between you do six fucking tough weeks I remember Mitzi passed me on a Sunday. I was supposed to leave that Tuesday for Sam Ramon I canceled I'm not leaving on her because she forget your fucking name. Yeah that Monday. I was the first motherfucker calling Yeah spot boom and I stayed here for five or six weeks cancel everything I made sure I made an impact and sure enough. I got into a fist fight the second night as she was walking in Bam, there you go. Who's this dude? Bam throw punches up here second night and shit

She loved chaos dude. She loved chaos You know being a comedian so interesting because it's like it's really like some karate master shit in that You got your dojo your home club You work your comedy and then the key is to go on the road and fight other karate masters Like you just go into other cities and you got to see if your kung fu works there if your kung fu works over here I always used to love that it's like, okay Can I rock this room back when I first started doing comedy cuz I want straight to headliner, dude And that really hurt my career. I hurt my fucking career. Absolutely. I never got to watch how a headliner operates

I went straight to headliner and I've learned the hard way and I kind of got all these gigs and I cut they kind of went away And I just started just working and I just started watching and then you know Rogan took me on the road sometimes I got to watch how he worked and just how you do at the show and I got to watch Mazda Brani work You know and just like the ebb and flow of being a headliner And like it took me a little while to realize that because I used to want to go in there power set and do like a Fucking 45 a fire and you just can't do a 45 a fire You got to kill for a little while give them a chance to breathe take a breath reset kill for a little while take a breath Oh, here come the checks checks drop. Okay. I got to fucking keep these guys's

Attention or else I'm it's gonna sound like I'm bombing right now How do you deal with check drops and then like the big clothes and all that stuff? It's psychological how you close how you headlining. I love you've been doing comedy for that almost 20 years, dude Okay, so it's weird that I Been doing comedy 23 years, and I just really started headlining Three years ago really I always had lined But do you follow me? Yeah, I came by headliner. Yeah, three years ago Like I just stumbled on it like I had been headlining since seven years

Since I got here my first manager Ken Phillips. He get me. I'm a creative runs his headline. I had 40 minutes That's stretching it. That's if the audience talked back to me Now I had to do 45 I bombed every night, but to become a headlining our bombers had one you bomb And so what about if you bomb in Clark, Tennessee or? West Virginia you bomb and then I don't like anyway cuz you don't have a guitar and a banjo and a fucking hat on But that makes It's amazing how you grow with the art now you look back and go my god I was horrible at seven years, and I was walking around the comedy store

In my mind I was horrible. I'm horrible now So I can't imagine what I was doing that being a comic at seven years, and I was already at the store fucking Walking around, you know bombing But following Mooney following Eddie Griffin following dice following Sagitt following, you know You're in there You're in the fucking trend and it and then you're in the trenches for two weeks And you're on the road for three and you're in the trenches for two So you're learning how to bob and weave a different state-to-state Lee wake up. Look at you cock sucker was 10 milligrams

Let me get some shout-outs 10 fucking milligrams. Yeah, that's all Martin. No, you know, I love you. God bless you cock sucker Joey B. Andy Scott Rob the mailman in Connecticut you bad motherfucker keep delivering that shit Scott Vaughn and my main man Billy Welsh You know, I forgot all about that that you're Armenian by trade By birth by birth and you went on the road with the axis of evil toward yeah

I was I used to when we first started how I got picked up at the comedy store Duncan Trestle was The Booker at the time and a mazhe brownie was a really good friend of mine and they both called me up They're like listen, we got a way to get you to the store. Mitzi wants to do a Middle Eastern show before 9 11 She put came up with this idea a year before and she's like I want to do a Middle Eastern show They're like she's like just do a joke about being a One joke about your mother one joke about being Armenian and one joke that you love So I did a joke and I remember you like this joke back today. It was about Asians on ecstasy I don't know if you ever remember that joke. I remember I did it and Joey Diego's dude

That's a funny fucking joke and I was like, okay, it's Diaz. Serious five. I used to really I still love you But I always had a lot of love for you. The funniest thing that I remember that why I found love with Tripoli because You meet people at the store and then you you judge them next by their worth They come over to give you a blast of coke. You like this guy's alright You have a drink with them. Maybe he gives you a ride home. You borrow 40 bucks But then you like this about somebody when you're a comic especially for me. I like this about you okay, so he's okay But then after a while if I'd see you want to stage bomb and whatever then you stop that kind of goes away. I

Don't mind if somebody bombs because I bombed but you gotta have heart There's something about heart that I've always been attracted to I don't give a fuck if you got money or car That's shit though. If you don't have heart I can't hang with you there's people and you got to test them just to see if they got heart and sometimes they Disappearing you feel bad, but some motherfuckers like I got a hard dog and this is what I'm gonna do and You got in and we were mutual friends from Pablo, you know, we both got he gave me a car They won in a fucking poker game my first car in LA a car car because the car that I drove out from Vegas The engine had exploded on the drive out. Oh, I didn't know fucking car

Pablo and Rita were like Baby, he's got a car for you. Do you want it car and I'm he's like how much you want paid for me? It's like I got no money. He's like good. Okay. Keep it. So that's who Pablo was man He would give you a fucking car. They won in a poker game So it was crazy. He got into the store One night, you know when you when you walk Great story about that car too when you walk it when you walk into the store When you check in let's say you have an original room spot

You check them with the original when you were young barracuda Because when you get into the store first, you're a nervous little faggot Your first year you're nervous takes you about eight months to somebody challenge you Emotionally or something and then after that you become a barracuda. What's a barracuda that you can't wait to get to the store You just can't fucking wait like you live it you dream it your dick gets hard you sleep upside down at night There's something about the store your first eight months And then after that you can't not be away from that place It becomes an addiction, which means oh, yeah, if you're spots at 1145 you will be there at 915

Because you never know you might catch a fall on the fucking main one for hustling Just for hustling you might walk in and go. Hey, ma'am Joey you here Can you go up next if listen if Dave Tyree don't come you're in the main room, right? Tell me the 125 fucking dollars for going on and 30 dollars. So you would I walk back there. I Check in as I'm checking in you would walk around the back You go through the mail bathroom boom and into the back and whoever was working. Hey, what's happening? Listen, there's a fall that I'm here

I'll let you know as I'm coming to coming to the stage Sam tripling So as I walk back and also he starts doing my favorite joke Sam tripling didn't know that it was 940 1015 She put them up by mistake early and it was the main room is for certain people at 9 o'clock 100% from 9 to 9 10 30. It's for certain people then 55 will leave and For you come in and that's your crowd Comedy store works for people for people that are going you're like, well, how the fuck do we sit there from 9 to 12?

Nobody says they're from 12 right people come at 9 and leave at 10 15 because they want to go somewhere else and On the other hand come in 11 and that's your audience. Well, he caught the 9 o'clock crowd And he's up there doing the Asian ecstasy joke and they're not going But he don't give a fuck he doesn't get we don't give a fuck when you're starting you have this belief You're in the main room. You don't give a fuck whether the joke is working or not You don't stop the joke you keep fucking dabbing it out You keep throwing punches and he's up there and I'm by the corner because I'm admiring him I'm like what this cat don't know is these people are 80 fucking years old

And he's just throwing daggers at him and he worked himself out of it or whatever And that's when I fell in love with Sam Tripoli because he got himself out of a hole not knowing he was so young He thought the Asian joke was gonna work in front of everybody. They didn't know what ecstasy was I didn't know what ecstasy fucking was You know me you follow me so if I didn't fight if I just caught it because my world was cocaine I know but he's doing this ecstasy joke in front of these people that But he just believed himself and that's when you respect people I had a philosophy very early and it was

When it comes to stand up my will to kill is stronger than there will not laugh like I am going to Get this show going at some point. I'll throw a couple out a couple out nothing Then I'll start calling them out on this shit and I'm gonna crack it sometimes I don't but the will to kill has always been stronger than their will just to stare at me my first spot the comedy store first time ever was following Charles Fleischer at You know back when he was doing like an hour and I didn't know any better. I didn't know who that guy was It was this I have to say it's like 2,000 dude 2,000 I just got picked up now

We did we did the dirty thing at the pool with the naked women you were there with us. No, I don't remember Okay, then you weren't there was I was there team just told me recently he was there and somebody found the tape On YouTube the porno we did wasn't a sex porno We did comedy at a pool party women were naked It was it was a copycat to girls gun while I wish these poor bastards took a bath They were telling us how to invest a hundred grand and they had TV spots and they had a plan for May the Z How they were gonna fucking sell the TV spots? And that's how we're gonna sell these tapes that they estimated a certain amount they get their money back

And then they would they paid us okay for the day But then they would send us more money in the mail These guys the whole fucking thing bomb, but I thought you were one of the guys. I forget who was there I think it was Mars Mike Young. Oh, what no, no, no, I'm thinking the Mars gig They hooked me up with doing this big Persian show in this fucking mansion in the hills that paid well But then now this was something else. I did I did chocolate Sundays. You ever done chocolate Sundays? I did the big DVD and the whole deal was once we sell this will pay you and like I was like Oh, that sounds shady, but I was so I just got back

I got in the Montreal and bombed and all I wanted was revenge I was just I wanted to show the world that will happen up there because I didn't know what I was going into I didn't know Montreal was I was this kid from the Vegas comedy scene Which was like this sleeper cell of a comedy scene. It literally had no connection to the rest of the world It was just like we grew up in our own little environment playing bar gigs I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. I go up there I bomb because in my audition I tapped into something that I understand now But I didn't know then I just tapped into it and I flamed through the room

But I didn't know how to get it back and I go up to Montreal and I bomb They put me up after uh, who is the fucking funny black comic? Fuck I can't remember her name, but he murders. He now I would follow it not even think twice about it Then it was just I went up there and I bombed and for the rest of like the next three years I just was like a fucking samurai just going around Exacting revenge on people I thought wrong me So I I get a chance of like hey you want to do this fucking chocolate Sundays, and I'm like yeah, I'll do chocolate Sundays I have to follow cat Williams

But I was so crazy back then and didn't give a fuck I went up there and flamed through this fucking room and now I watched that DVD and I'm watching cat Williams I'm like this motherfucker is murdering the room How the fuck did I follow that guy? It's amazing, and I fucking follow him well like I did that literally 10 10 11 years ago They sent me a check a year ago. Here's the money. We promised you I'm like Odd and I totally needed it. I'm like Unbelievable they really sold it and they paid out like they had promised like a fucking gentleman, dude I got the check. I'm like, oh, I need this so badly. I cashed it fucking kept straight, dude

I was like pookie. You're a good man, dude. That's honorable shit to pay out on shit You didn't have pookie. What's that pookie still around? Yeah He still runs a show you ever hear this time where he fucking try to knock out Eddie Griffin Because Eddie Griffin had just got kicked out the comedy store. We're still looking for a place to go He goes to the laugh factory tries to do Eddie Griffin where he goes forever and they're flashing light They're killing his mic. He won't get off stage And it's just pookie. Just walk just walks up on stage start swinging on dudes It's crazy ass shit

I ain't going over there. I don't want to get into a fist fight with nobody dude The chocolate sundaes at laugh factory is one of the greatest shows you'll ever play Oh, I used to do that shit. I did years ago Shake you could feel the room shake from those fucking good-looking black people like gorgeous black women I was there when Chris Webber was dating The chick that was on every TV show. Yeah, Todd time. Who's the supermodel? You're the best All right, let me give some first of all I want to give a shout out to Eddie Sigs you bad motherfuckers

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That's it. That's all I got to tell you like Joey why what do I get when I go to honor you get yourself in top Condition in all those areas Spiritually, I don't fucking know that you got to go see a priest and tell him your fucking problems Physically and emotionally on it will help you Alpha brain start with alpha brain money back guarantee when you want the fucking product back who else does that shit? All right hundred percent. We don't want the product back get your focused Get your head right gets everything going and from there. You want to try this shroom text? Nobody's dying from Ebola Nobody's dying from Ebola shroom text sport shroom text with the other one immune. That's the one nobody's dying from Ebola

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They'll send you the alpha brain to your house. They'll send you a shroom tech You'll be walking around like kept coupe caduce. You know what I'm saying? The fuck you think you're dealing with here Lisa. Yeah, hi. I'm really. I'm really I'm looking at the what the fuck you are. Hi dog At least give me the credit I deserve that was like what 70? It was 70 if we split it's thirty-five Told you that I feel you wait 35 milligrams, okay And the joint my god here. This is East Bay grown. So me gave me a nice present

I've got to call you and thank you. I got the stuff in my wallet I'm gonna be rude. I don't want to be here loving vain Like you're not high these people took good care of me. Do you get how often you get highly? Whenever I'm with him Every day he's got to go to that school here. You know this ain't no This is what what happens if the fuck if the Russians gave you anything to give you goulash They're gonna make you smoke dope every day and you're gonna be prepared. They can't trick you I'm trying to tell you you're Russian Jew. You know Tom suck my dick and call me shorty. I was born in 1940

I don't know. I don't know what what the fuck you're talking about. All right, I know Nothing. All I know is some Marines birthday today. Do you people know that? Yeah, that's how many years today I don't know how many years you don't fucking know these people. You think it's a reason why you people really use your fucking yarmulke It's because of the fucking Marines, huh? And you don't know you got some pair of balls It's their birthday. Don't make me make you get up and fuck this 239th birthday Birthday defend this beautiful fucking I want to salute the Marine Corps or you savages at your house keep stabbing motherfuckers

Shoot them in the head take their heroin do what the fuck you gotta do You got one shot of being a fucking soldier. You guys are out there. Who a fucker wants to judge it Who the fuck are we to judge these soldiers? They're fucking Marines 239 battalion and shit. Don't make me go crazy and start stabbing motherfuckers tonight Sam Tripoli, what's going on with you? I know you had the CD CD went out. Just writing Don't make me start. Oh shit. There we go Why you gotta do this to them get the motion The Marines be all you could be I salute you bad motherfuckers

I salute any of you in the armed forces the army the navy the fucking Coast Guard The Air Force you're out there banging that shit gets heavy who you think goes down first Old Navy old Navy. I love you as well But happy birthday to the Marines the baddest motherfuckers out there for fucking servicemen were sitting around a campfire one night And they were telling stories The guy in the army Ranger was talking about how he stabbed three Puerto Ricans in the war with you me The Air Force guy was talking about how he shot down a bunch of fucking Vietnamese fuckers in the war of fucking two fingers and

And the Navy guy was talking about how he was a seal he put explosives and the whole time The Marine was staring the suit with his dick You understand the thing was boiling and the Marine was just staring it with his dick I salute you happy birthday you bad motherfucking savages That's how you do it. You fucking put your heart on tape when you salute the armed forces You think I'm gonna be one of those momos at the airport saluting them fuck though They got the green suit on they got chemical warfare. I keep fucking walking What a fucking thing you're dealing with Joey for that is a Monday night

You were sitting there watching some Monday night football like a step that you are that's what the fuck is wrong with you It's Monday night fuck football. Why be like the rest of these communists Watching that shit on ESPN. It used to be on ABC shit got ugly Shit went down so they put on ESPN like a fucking I say putting black people in the back of the bus You don't do that. You don't do that to football But these people accepted for what they are they get what the fuck they deserve talk to me Sammy trips I get all emotional right here. That's that was a beautiful rant dude the story of the classic Marines Staring his soup with his dick. It's got me. That's what they do. That's what they do dude

That was classic. You're the king. You're the king of the segway. It's like the non sequiturs Do you think you're a survivor? What do you see that lone survivor movie? Yeah, that was crazy I literally just bought the book they just throw themselves down mountains. Yeah, I couldn't like can you imagine doing that? That's crazy. They're the guy on ESPN last night. That's who Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that's a crazy fucking movie Watched it three times in hotels. I've been Afghanistan. It's fucking nuts over there You're crazy. God bless those motherfuckers. I can never do that now and then like I check them down Yeah, I wouldn't take the blood test. That's how much I was I would have been a fucking good Marine at that time I was crazy. You could have sold me anything. You could have sold me a bill later. I would have gone to Beirut and shit

I would have fucked the motherfuckers up, but I wouldn't take the blood test. Let's fuck them There was a draft that would go now at this age No, no, I mean like I was old and they said the hey dude afford to you Go for something happening that the country got in trouble and I could go in a helicopter and drop those bombs That's my speed Yeah, I don't get it. Just press a button like apocalypse now shoot the fuck I could do that I can't jump walls and hand to hand come down You know, I can't parachute out of an airplane. I'll break my fucking kneecaps. They're in a parachute

I'll tell you what I'll drop fucking missiles on y'all. Yeah, I load the fucking planes I could do that, but I just can't I'm too old for that. I can't breathe and shit. Yeah, dude I could barely play basketball. Yeah Well, did you see that guy on ESPN who jumped on a grenade because like to save like the guys in the house boom I like blew off half of his face He was like the like the second Marine ever since the Korean War to get like the Medal of Honor Like the only one the only living Marine like he jumped on a grenade Like who would have that thought process?

That's crazy. Yeah, I'll fucking Marine. That's love dog. That's what it's all about. That's that's that's That bill elating buying it and it's special You know, we never bought a night. I feel bad at times Yeah, I feel bad sometimes coming out now 38 40 being a security fucking guy with a weapon Being able to shoot motherfuckers and go what the fuck is your problem ten years the fuck out of my face I did 20 years killing fucking immigrants You're gonna give me time. Yeah, I've killed everybody black yellow half of Africa

I've shot Spanish people Bolivians and now you want to throw me in jail for shooting some drunk of the bucket the fuck Fuck you go look at the metals. I got bitch. Well, there's that movie coming out about that sniper who killed more people than everybody He's like that had the most confirmed kills by a sniper and here's the crazy thing Try he was trying to help like this guy who just came back from the war with his, you know Post-traumatic syndrome and they took him to a shooting range a guy went crazy and shot both of them It's sad man, but it's like the most The most confirmed kills by a sniper. There's a movie coming up. It's Clint Eastwood's movie. He's directing it. Well, you know, man Once you give a shark the taste of fucking blood, it's tough to pull him back, you know, once they have that weapon in their hand

It's like giving somebody a pound of coke every time you see him. It's all over Lee Well, you're looking good tonight. How many pounds you lose now? 66 look at you league. That's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Well, that's like I shouldn't have put it on but no, it feels good What are you working out to? I did cardio. I have I'm still kind of Scared to do like Caldwell's or something, but I'm gonna have to start that soon They do some karate and shit, I did karate when I was a kid, but no, no reason I'm glad you're with Toshiro's fly through the air. I can just imagine a little gear with Israeli star on the back Israeli Samurai throwing the fucking sidekicks for Putin

I Don't even know the fuck you So you're at Sacramento when this weekend? Yeah, this whole weekend Thursday Friday Saturday and Molly was nice enough Let me not do Sunday because I gotta get back to LA because in the main room I'm doing my big Armenian bow male donor registry thing. It's my one My one show year. It's my karma show because you know the rest of the year I'm a shady motherfucker. All my hobbies are felonies. You know, I'm in the weird shit So this is the one show I do that kind of gives back to the universe

And it's this weird shit because Armenians have you unique genetic makeups because we were a Christian country It's run by Muslims. So we didn't want to hook up with any of them. So we just kept hooking up with us we're kind of like the hillbillies of you know, the Eastern Europe and So we it's hard for us to find genetic matches So my cousin Michelle and this doctor named dr. Free Jordan decided because my my cousin Michelle's daughter got cancer So I got bone marrow cancer and they couldn't find a match So they decided to start the Armenian bow male donor registry and it's crazy dude Could you do charity events all the time and you never really see what where your where your hard work goes here?

It's like you see the fruits of your labor. It's crazy man. It's one of the coolest things I'm a part of we're going on our 12th year of doing it 12 years, dude. I've been doing shows at the comedy store 12 years. That's a long time You're a badass Armenian Yeah, I'm trying dude because I didn't know that see I thought I was white when I moved out to LA and Then I was doing a joke at the hustler cafe where this guy Tony Montana used to do a show He was this crazy like coked out fucking dude who ran a comedy show at the hustler cafe And I'm doing a joke about how I how hard it is to be white and then Paul Mooney came up to me afterward

He goes oh homie homie you ain't white use Armenian use a nigga and I was like whoa I just got called the n-word by the king of the n-word. It's fucking great, dude And it was the coolest thing ever and then I realized that's when I realized Armenians are different Like out west and they are back east back east. They're white. They look white. You wouldn't even know that you wouldn't if I If you saw my aunts, you'd be like well the white people here It's like their Persian Armenian and it's gonna be a little more angry or out here One of my friends growing up was Armenian Jersey I never put together so I came here about five years ago that he was his name was karnik

I said durian. I always think about him because he was a tough guy And once he found out my mother died he always would come to me and ask me if anybody was bothering and His brother their hobby was picking up Volkswagen and turning them around So how have you parked your Volkswagen when you woke up the next day was pointed up the hill and you're like why? It was him and his brother. They were beasts. They weren't felons. They weren't criminals nothing like that But when they had your back and then there was another kid That was Armenian. I wasn't tight with I knew him. I knew his sister. I didn't until this day again I didn't even know what Armenian was and

He lived up for dudes. He was a tough motherfucker. So looking back his name was karnik I said durian and jack from the ha-ha. Yeah, his last name is as a durian and he said he had a bunch of relatives in New Jersey, so I knew I was on to something Armos are crazy, bro. The guy owned sancu dude his whole story his whole family who sank who is sancu chicken You ever eat a zancu chicken? No, I want once there's one over on Sepulveda and Sherman Oaks, this is the target. The big one is the one on Sunset back in the day off

Sunset and Normandy dude. It's like me. Yes. It's some good-ass shit that dude who built that who starred zancu when nuts shot His whole family up. It's a whole crazy ass story and now it's like yeah, it's like it was JJ the king of beepers Yeah, I think so. Well, you know, there's all these rumors like shares Armenian. Do you know that? She's Armenian and then there's also there's this whole story that we like to hold on to that George Clooney's armo too. He's got a little armo in him See Lee did you know that George Clooney had a little armo to him. I had long since You had what? He's trying to say

Such a happy land What's going on with the naughty show You know right now I like I was doing the radio show for a while I've taken a little break because I want to get back to a video But I want to do it like old school like kind of like Howard Stern's like cable show you remember back in the day So I'm talking some people. I'm trying to get an on-demand Because these these people think if they do a dirty show you gotta be a chick and some weird shit that's going on right now So I'm like I'm off throwing on on demand. So I'm me and I'm meeting this week

Some people to do like a low budget like kind of like not public access so but a show where like it's on on demand We shoot it and we put it on on demand and And then I'm trying to get in Vegas still so I'm just Vegas is great, dude Not people don't like Vegas. I went to college out there is running rebel, you know, I love Vegas I think it's a very it's a it's a crazy place because There's so many casinos opening now and these casinos are opening up two or three like theaters and these theaters are running I show every two hours. There's so many show theaters and there's so many shows now They're like artists can actually make a living there. So I'm working on getting out there

I got a couple show pitches going out there and I'm just working on it. So now I'm starting a new podcast It's called a twisted and it's just me talking shit That's why I love you Sam triple. You know, what about you cuckuck? They're like fucking zombie land and just look around like I'm a look at a right now Yeah, right 30 milligrams is what you do to me. This is well on top of what did I have earlier was fucking ten hours ago That shit shouldn't even be in your system. Did you take a nap? Oh, yeah, 30 minute nap. Yeah, that's it I don't know we after the spaghetti cuckuck with the edible in it I had a bag of the caramel rest Krispies got rice at rice cakes. So you're done for the day

Yeah, oh, you're not allowed to eat anymore Not not if I want to stay under my calories now None Can you breathe yeah, I can breathe but it's just Because I couldn't go to the gym today because I don't go high I don't know how you do that Joey. Have you tried to work out high once and I felt like I was gonna fall off the machine And I just couldn't do it I just left like this heat when you were talking about listening to music in your headphones that you do that to me

Today you turned that music on me because it freaks me out when you're listening to like black Sabbath But like and I'm stoned out of my mind. I don't know how you do that. You don't like black Sabbath stoned I like it, but there's some dark songs Like they're like really intense and when you're high you get like a little paranoid or I do I don't know seems like you like you guys like it But you know the edible before you go not even a chance. What do you like to listen to while you're high nothing? I Like

All you can think about is going home sitting on that couch With the remote closing the lights and eating like a fucking savage That's all you can think about when he gets out. You are so baked. It's so great. I wish I was out Listen to me boy. If he doesn't get high with me. He doesn't get high This is why he has to get high on these nights because if not he has gummy bears His house got we he sits there with his girlfriend straight as a fucking monk Like a fucking move that he is that's why I gotta burn him up. All right, Sam Tripoli. I love you Hey, thanks for having me on a real sacramental. Let me tell you something. I don't know if that squad's been slipping this year

I didn't go this year, but I'll be there like in February and March for sure. I got dates already I think Lee's coming up with me. We do stand up. No, no, he just comes to do the podcast one night Go see my man Sam Tripoli. You're gonna get a fucking tremendous fucking show out of him You know, Sammy trips don't fuck around Dude, I take pride in my live shows. No, no, no, so please if you're not doing nothing, which you're not it's fucking Sacramento, what are you gonna do go to car show in a daytime? What happened the mules are coming to town? What what is it underrated cities Sacramento Sacramento? You got to get out of the house You got smoke and crack and see what life is about. All right. It's not all fucking going about at 10 o'clock. Go see my man

Sammy trips to the punchline. What's the number to the Sacramento punchline? Let's get some people calling up right now Let's get the web page. You should have had this show up fucking up. We've been eating those edibles again You're slipping cops. I got this one. I apologize Jesus Christ All right, it's nine one six nine two five Fifty-five hundred call right now get some tickets. You don't have a great time. I'm a man Guarantee it where you new years Eve my being Toronto. Oh shit. Who you gonna underground? I'm headlining. Oh Shit, there's one talking about Sammy trips making it happen. We're gonna be at New Year's Cuck Sucker. Are we at the ice house? We'll be back Wednesday night. See you next. See you Wednesday. Stay black. I want to thank on it one more time

Hey, these sigs and also also, I'm just letting you guys know what's coming on board a little surprise for you guys I got iron dragon TV coming on Martial arts classic kung fu the it man series tide cheese zero more movies Go to iron dragon TV. Just go over to the web page. See what they got right now I think you need something to click on your email. Just put your email on there I'll get all the codes free and stuff, but this is Roku, correct? Yeah, it's a channel on your Roku

So it's what they're doing is they're renting or they have a ton of all the marshal Oh, I man is the best. Yeah, that guy's the best. I man series. I got tight cheese zero It's 48 rentals for nine nine cents. I'll have a code fee to get two free really Wow Yeah, yeah, this is a great deal. That's a great deal I went out to with Dave. Yeah night in Chinatown. He took me out to dinner great guy He's been around for a while. He knows his shit. So we'll let you know more about it on Wednesday And her man for this and everything. I want to thank Sam Tripoli again for coming on me on dude I love Sacramento Marines. I love your cock suckers all the shotouts

Stay black to my friends up there who gave me the weed. I'm sorry. I don't know where I put your car I know it's somewhere at the house. It's my main man who drew the picture I left the picture up at the punchline They're gonna use it for a month and they're gonna mail it to me But don't worry. I got your cover. I got your name at the house. I just didn't get it. I love you guys stay black This show is sponsored by onant.com Go to onant.com and use code word church to get 10 off Any of their great products alpha brain new moves shroom tech community shroom tech sport

And go to hit e6.com and use code word joey's church to get 20 off of the best E6 in the market the proof is in the vape and go to iron dragon tv and take a look see And we'll get back to you on wednesday with more details. All right Everybody Everybody Oh Oh Oh

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