Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #232 - Joey Diaz, Nick Santora and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: November 20, 2014

Nick Santora, Writer and Executive producer of shows such as "The Soprano's," "Prison Break", and "Scorpion", joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 11/18/2014. Music: David Bowie - Fame The Beatles - Dear Prudence

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start slipping november 18th the day the devil was buried asleep and we took his pitchfork and stuck it in his fucking eye and that's it that's all i got see you guys want manograms or whatever it's all over the shower well what i don't know what what are you bothering me for lee say what's happening little brother uh he scared me today how was your day today it was good it was good i just uh you went to the gym how many minutes did you walk on the epileptic i did an hour i fucking out how many calories did you burn that's right well it's like an hour and two minutes because when you lose weight it takes it takes longer to burn calories so i did 800 and about like an hour and two minutes you're fucking savage you're gonna win the elliptical challenge

we're gonna sign you up there's gotta be somebody right now an elliptical taking over the world well i mean it's title right now honestly i should be doing more like i should be doing weightlifting and i i got a uh like a group onto a a gym that does uh the cross training and and kettlebells but it's you you how long did you try to get me to walk for months yeah and it took me months to even i i never did it i did like two or three times and it's just it was so scary to me to start that you live in california this is how fucking this you're a jew i love you to fucking death you guys are supposed to be the top of the fucking pinnacle we are geniuses you live in california but you decide to walk inside right like 10 000 fucking california because i can watch tv on the

elliptical yeah you're not supposed to want to be you're supposed to watch fucking life people running red lights fucking cats running across the street i want you to think about that people are dying from lack of vitamin c because you fucking guys live over here you go to a gym you walk like fucking momos and meanwhile it's 80 degrees outside vitamin d is the number one killer of obesity did you know that oh it was just fucking in london there's no fat and fat people they started giving them vitamin d people started losing weight i'm on i drank a gallon of it today vitamin d fuck yeah it comes in little containers i ate oh it doesn't make sense but it's better than me sitting on the couch for you know that's on the couch i used to you go to north hollywood park

you put a 20 pound dumbbell on your back and you walk around like a fucking savage eight times you do that five days a week you send me pound you lose and you'll be a dark skinned you i i don't tan i go from the whitest of the white to burnt and then back to white it'll be like sammy davis what the fuck get it together dog it's a beautiful day to be alive you were inside for an hour you could have been outside for an hour grabbing vitamin d with your ipod listening to the fucking band you listen to jumping up and down jumping up and down yeah how was your day i had a nice day so i took mercy to the park by eight o'clock walked around for about 10 did you play with the fire ants that's the funniest thing i didn't take it to the fire it's like we don't even go to that park no more

she's bored of that fucking park did your kid get hit with fire ants my kid get hit with fire that's how i take it out of there because you don't want to leave you tell me i take it to the fire ants i take it to the fire ants he plays around she gets one then she goes ah let's go i pick her up and it's out of there you gotta this american ingenuity though you gotta be on top of nick santor in the fucking house tonight writer executive producer ex attorney names with a gangster people confuse you your credits all fucked up no my uh my credits are good this is this is a nicky the mouth it's a nicky the mouth a nicky big mouth i think it's nicky the mouth nicky the mouth santor i'm pretty sure it's nicky the mouth i'm a banana guy i believe

yeah he was banana yeah he was a banana he was a banana guy he's still alive right he's still alive i think the last i heard he was in chicago but uh but i but what the hell do i know i don't know i don't know the man but i do know i'm in million years ago i'm in law school up in new york i get a phone call one day hello hey nicky i'm out i go who the hell is this i'm out i'm out what the fuck i just hang up i don't know the hell it is phone rings two seconds later hello hey nick i'm out you told me to call you when i'm out who the fuck you i hang up the phone because i don't know who it is two seconds later phone rings again i pick it up he goes don't hang up don't hang up he's like nicky you told me that when i got out i should call you i go oh

you're looking for the other nicky santora i go um congratulations on on on on your release i go i am not that nicky santora i go i'm actually a law student i swear to god there's a beat of silence the guy goes you do criminal law i go i go i'm not gonna have my law degree yet i go you got the wrong guy this is a day he must have just looked me up you know in new york i don't know why he's looking up in new york or whatever and then uh a few years later i had an an aunt got rest or soul who passed away and i think she left me like two thousand dollars and i didn't know what to do with it so i knew a guy i don't know what to do with it but you know i knew a guy i wanted to do something smart and i knew a guy whose dad was like getting he worked at like prudential i don't

even know what he did at prudential and he said oh yeah i'll put you it's like a stock broker he's like oh yeah i'll put you in a mutual fund she opens a two thousand dollar mutual fund the next day and this guy was like a you know lower level guy next day he gets a phone call come up to the 37th floor 37th floor is all the executives all the vps all like the head guys he goes up there he's never been called up to the 37th floors in his entire life he goes up there conference table surrounded by guys they put he sits down and they go what the hell are you opening up an account for nix santora for and he goes what are you talking about he's like for two thousand dollars it's such a small amount clearly he's looking to see if he can open small accounts maybe launder some money

bubba bubba he's like what are you talking about this guy's a gangster he goes this this is a kid that my guy that my son went to school with what are you talking about they're like no no no no no you this is the wrong guy and he had to show him my my my social security number my birth certificate all this stuff that it was a different nix santora every once in a while it pops up now for years every time i saw his name i'm like ah or i saw your name i kept thinking oh look at this fucking guy he became a writer now yeah this you know what's funny is there's there's a lot of nix santoras santora in italy it's like smith it's not something maybe not like smith but it's not a an uncommon name there's a fair amount of santoras in the country in america and there's

i've come across a lot of nick there's a nix santora who's like a world famous skateboarder there's a bunch of there's a bunch of them every once in a while i'll get an email from one of them will be like hey i saw your name on tv that's my name what do you want me to do about it is he a famous mom like how did you know he was a mobster like did he find out one day or how did i know yeah because i got a call from a guy in prison but no but did you know oh no i i you know you just knew from you know if you grow up with this name the same as the mobster eventually someone just tells you and it just bled in and then casino came out and there was nicky santoro in casino and people thought that was me and how did they get famous back like i've

never even thought about it but like how did all the big mobsters get famous like back in like the singing from fucking being mobsters from being mobsters i know but it's like the nicky santoro we're talking about was a banana guy yeah he was a big time but in fact he still is a big time like he's the only there's like maybe three guys left from that donnie brasko and he's still walking around somewhere he could be out here every once in a while i go somewhere and somebody will come up to me like uh you know this guy over here in the gym this is this guy like who's in beveley hills now donnie shacks i got no yeah so everybody knows he's in town he's trying to put a reality show together he's 70 years old so i finally got a call about a year ago that uh you should come down

audition for nicky's uh whatever montan morrow whatever his fucking name is reality show it's going to be called something about the neighborhood and he's going to take care of problems in beveley hills what the fuck you know when does it end so they started coming out here there's a bunch of them what's the other guy was bulger was here for how many years but he didn't say nothing but the other guy was right in studio city obats these listen salubats used to have coffee at every etc every day he just moved he just moved recently well these guys look they they they did their thing they did their time they came out ever now they just want to live the good life in california and they want to you know they actually want to walk around outside and enjoy the sunshine

well they want to sell their story you know i understand why they want to like to sell your fucking story now like they've heard 85 fucking stories right now they want to come out they were a mafia they carried envelopes that's too fucking late where were you 10 years ago we're buying right yeah i get i get people pitch me mob stories all the time i try to tell them i go that there's no sale i can't make them i don't have the money to make the movie you know you got to go to studio and no they don't want them really and they're dead they're dead at the state seems like every three years is a new modern well now they they got whitey bulger but that's because yeah uh what's his name isn't it he's like i got they got the depth one they got the aflec one they got competing

and they're all messed up i don't know what's going on right so no the one is shooting the donny depth one shooting that's done already probably it's the other way you know because the other thing is i get called once a month once a month i get a call or an email can you look at the script and as soon as i see nicky joey joey sal i that's it yeah that's it it doesn't even go farther than that i don't even i call him up in town thank you but i'm busy those weeks i i got something because it's not even it's not gonna happen and if it does happen it's only be a fucking war out situation that i want to be involved we got better shit to do with my time like fucking eat brownies with you cool fun and shit like that how did you get into it so you

were talking earlier you went to columbia law yeah so you the first and this happens fucking every day where the first day you walk into a place you go maybe this ain't for me yeah but you don't say it because you're already there yeah now you get that fucking degree you marry a high school girlfriend she gained 60 fucking pounds and now you're working and you're doing two fucking things you don't want to do and then it begins that's it yeah i would listen my first uh my first day of being a lawyer i came back to my apartment on bleaker street and my girlfriend had a key to the place she was already in there she's now my wife beautiful italian girl from bergen county new jersey and we're still still together we've been together since i was 24 years

old 20 years and she uh she looked at me and she said how was your uh how was your first day you're so excited for me just beautiful and excited and i looked at her and i just look right in the eyes and i go i wasted the last three years of my fucking life i'm 120 thousand dollars in debt i want to kill myself i fucking hate this little fucking first day first day i got home i got home at like 10 30 at night and one of the lawyers was like let's call it here you know let's let's let's pack it in early today pack it in early it's 10 30 i've been here since 7 15 but that's what it's like at those big corporate law firms and my wife looked at me and this is why we are a good you know match i get sometimes worked up and she looked at me and she

said well you can't just quit it'll make you look like a schmock you know it's your first day first week you just got out of law school it'll ruin your career she got to do a year got to do a year at least and i said all right you're right and i just did it you know i just did it checking off a calendar every day you know you you you were in you know what it's like don't let the time do you do the time just do the time i'm not saying it's not the same not nearly the same as being locked up time is time brother but i just said i got to kill in it i got to kill and i did a year one year one month in one day and i quit that job and i said you know my dad was a carpenter he was a construction worker union man and i said you know there's money when guys get hurt i'm going to go

do slip and fall and i went from like a thousand lawyers in this beautiful law firm i mean gorgeous law firm tip of Manhattan overlooking the Statue of Liberty to five lawyers above a pizza place in brooklyn and we just did slip and falls and and you know car accidents malpractice listanny i went from like the fanciest law firm in the world to honestly stand on the corner outside you know woodhole hospital handing out business cards saying you got hurt call me you got hurt it was crazy but i figured i could get into i could get into a courtroom and at least actually try a case and that would at least be fun and exciting for me well that sucks shit too sounds like the wolf of wall street essentially yeah except i wasn't making money like lean on a cut

in caprio you know i was do you remember how much money of fucking putz street you know do you remember how much money you were making at the firm because my girlfriend's in law school and she doesn't she doesn't want to work in the firm because of what you're talking about like the 90 hours 100 hour weeks yeah and she told me like the da's when you start out can make like 50 60 thousand which is good but she tells me like when you go to like the first year of like a law firm you make 200,000 or something well that's maybe today like at these back then but i'm sure you know time value or money inflation everything but uh i think i remember my starting salary and like 96 was like 84 thousand dollars and i think they gave like a 10 thousand dollar bonus so it's

like 94 95 thousand dollars and i think i made 99 total that year that's wonderful you know that's i'll i'll never say no to a dollar you know if you know it's it was honest money but i hated it and when i was a slip and fall guy i fucking hated it every once in a while you got someone who was really hurt who couldn't feed their family and you helped them and that was good but a lot of times you had people who were like i know this motherfucker's lying i know his back's fine i know his neck's but you can't do anything about it because you have a duty if the client's telling you know it really if they tell you look i'm fully shit then you you have to not represent you have to say i can't represent you um but when they're sitting there saying oh you know oh it really

hurts it really all right like they're they're fucking lying um but what i did when i was doing that because i was practicing law in brooklyn and the bronx and statin island and queens and running around i i just you know and i think it's what a lot of writers do i'm just absorbing it at all and i did it for years and years and just all the characters the world the craziness the corruption the scumbags the pieces of shit the ones who are trying to do it honestly the the the fucking liars the client the the the plaintiffs who you really feel bad for the scummy insurance carriers then the beaten down defense attorneys that work for the insurance carriers the corrupt judges i had a judge i was so dumb i had a judge trying to get me to bribe him in his chain i didn't even fucking

realize it a couple of years later he goes away for for taking bribe they wound up getting like nine years i think or something like that um uh judge baron i'll say his fucking name i'm pretty sure if that's not the guy please don't sue me i got the name wrong by accident but i'm 99 percent sure it was judge baron and he went away um all this shit was going down and i was just absorbing it and sucking it in and the whole time my whole life since i was six years and should i shut up is this boring you want me to know from the time i was six years old i always wanted to be a writer i just loved it and when i got to the place where i couldn't take it anymore i was gonna fucking hang myself i mean i was miserable i was so depressed and my wife uh it's one morning

i'm sitting there i'd gotten up from work she comes out of the bathroom she'd gotten herself ready she was a school teacher and she got her face on whatever she doesn't even wear makeup she's beautiful she doesn't need makeup but she did whatever she did to come out and she looks at me and i'm sitting on the couch i'm still in my boxers and t-shirt that i wore the night before i been up for an hour i couldn't barely even put my suit on to go to court that day and she looks at me and i look up at her and it's been this has been going on for months now deep depression and i just look at her and i go it'll get better because i knew what she was thinking and she looks at me and she said well it better because i can't live the rest of my life like

this and that just put the fear of god in me because i she's not the kind of woman you want to lose so i had a week of vacation coming up i hadn't taken a vacation in almost two years and i said to my wife i'm gonna take a week vacation we're not gonna go anywhere i'm gonna stay home i'm gonna write a screenplay and she said thank fucking god shut up about it already write the screenplay so i took the week off and i wrote a screenplay i started on a saturday morning i wrote that whole weekend i wrote monday through friday i wrote saturday sunday the next weekend by that sunday night i was done it was a screenplay called slip and fall it was about a crooked personal injury attorney in brooklyn i wrote what i knew and submitted it to the new york

international independent film festival it won it got accepted and it won best screenplay and you know i don't know i always get the timetable messed up because it was 15 years ago now or something like well not me not 15 but 13 years ago now uh but basically uh i got david chase reddit and asked me to write one episode of the sopranos friend and it changed my life i quit my law job my wife and i got in a toyota rav 4 in which was my car and drove 3 000 miles away from every person we knew set up shop in la to see if i could make it as a writer that's it that's it that's what you take a chance columbus did bitch can you explain because i went through it too i moved out here to be an editor in tv and i i worked for

three years doing it in two of the years i was working nights and i had that every day like when you wake up and you just dread going to work yeah like that's just so i did that i did that for about five half a decade that's awesome way to live everybody goes through that this is an interesting conversation everybody goes through that and it builds character i think it's good for you i i i now because now when i get in a situation where i'm like oh you know oh man this like this year i'm doing this show scorpion that i created and and it's always you get when you're a writer you get the developed by create credit or the created by credit it's a little bit of bullshit you have i got you got hundreds of people making this show to decide so for someone to say i created it i wrote the

pilot and pitch the show with the pilot but there's hundreds of good people making this show happen but that being said it's a first year show it's insane hours 19 hour days i had one i had one day a couple of weeks ago where i i probably slept three hours one night got up on a friday worked all day friday we till about five six o'clock at night we started filming on six o'clock at night went till about seven o'clock the next morning saturday morning raced home got my kids went to their soccer games they had two games back and back took them to a birthday party i went 40 hours without sleep and after like a full day and it was you know it was exhausting that's what it's like but when i start feeling bad for myself like you were saying it's good

that i went through it because i can say i got nothing to complain about i'm doing what i love some days are hard that's not nearly as hard as being in afghanistan with a gun it's not nearly as hard as what my dad did for a living my dad walked up and down scaffolds in new york city winters sheet rock knives cutting through his hand breaking his back doing all this shit i get to sit in a nice air conditioned office and make up stories i am blessed i am happy i got a wonderful family and and the reason i think i appreciate some of it is i spent years doing something that i hated because i wasn't meant to do it now you know what it feels like and i know what it feels like to be unhappy and you know what even then i was being a little

bitch because i had nothing to be unhappy about then either i was making money i was feeding my family i got nothing ever in my life to be unhappy about but i wasn't meant to be a lawyer i always wanted to be a writer i'm happy with what i'm doing now i'm very fortunate i'm the luckiest guy you guys will talk to ever you know it's funny that uh you spoke about slip and fall how interesting like now you have i need to read this script because i want to laugh well you know what's funny i want to fucking laugh because yeah i tell lee all the time when i was in high school there was a guy side larence and all this guy did i mean he went around he was a flopper yes yeah had pants he had pants that had pee stains on you couldn't sit next to him he smelled he lived

in a garage and this guy throughout the year he was a genius what this guy did he couldn't tell you on paper but he was a degenerate gambler right so usc would call this guy like he knew all these coaches and they go go we'll pay you these are like secret scouts and break down pittsburgh playing them in a month oh he's really good at it sigh was a genius okay sigh was a genius but in the off season sigh set up so he kept bugging me for years joey and i he'd make a scam all i want is 400 he had 50 guys paying him 400 he took it to a supermarket he dropped the pickle juice on the floor flop you'd slip and he'd tell you as soon as somebody comes to you the key words that did i pass out that's the money right there because then we're gonna put you on an ambulance where

you have to go through it because he's gone through it like each step and then he's tell oh my god we talk about it every day yeah and the other thing that you do is you tell the client is what you say is listen um and this was in because what i did is i took slip and fall i turned it into a novel it was a national bestseller called slip and fall that's what you should read i took the screenplay turned it into a novel because i wanted to explore it even more and really get into it and you'll love it it's set in brooklyn and it's it's nice and the uh what you there's a scene in it where the lawyer is prepping his client for deposition and he says listen i can't tell you to lie i would never tell you to lie that would be against the law

i'm just going to tell you what the law is and you apply your facts to that law if you say during the deposition that you walked into the supermarket and slipped on the pickle juice and fell down and got hurt but you had just entered the the supermarket you have no case because you can't prove how long it was on the floor and then the supermarket doesn't have what the law calls actual or constructive notice but if you're telling me you walked into the supermarket past the pickle juice noticed it went and got your cereal your milk your eggs your oranges then when you were walking back to the cash register about 20 minutes later you slipped on the pickle juice which you rightfully assumed would have been cleaned up by then so you weren't

looking for it and got hurt well then you've got a hundred thousand dollar case so now tell me the truth of what happened and you know what amazingly no client ever told me that they hadn't seen the pickle juice first and 20 minutes had in past and that's why i fucking hated myself it's fucking amazing and he and then he had other attorneys i would tell you if you've broken on you got 50 000 if you broke a leg got a hundred thousand yeah if you slipped and broke your hip like if you really broke it so they would look for people who were just at homes already recovering makeup was i mean it was fucking this way did every day yeah you did this every day side every side you had people who would be of people get you know they never had a homeowner's policy and

then they'll get a homeowner's policy and they'll talk to their friend down the street and say come over to my house for some coffee and when you leave you're gonna say you slipped and fell on the ice on my uh stoop and i'm gonna say that it was icy i poured down some rock salt it melted it but i didn't push the water off so it created a clear ice which was more dangerous because you can't see it so i created a dangerous condition you'll say you fell you'll say your back hurt i know a chiropractor you take an MRI there's a line in my book slip and fall where the guy with a crooked chiropractor says MRIs are like those ink plot tests some people see a butterfly some people see their mom with an ice pick in their back either way you see what you see he'll say you have a bad disc and we'll

get some money and that's what would happen and i'd have these clients and i'd know they were lying about it but they would always say they would tell the truth just so happened that their good friend from down the street happened to slip in their house and the guy who owned the house would say yeah it's my fault you know and what what happens he loses his home insurance policy didn't want it to begin with so his friend gets a hundred thousand the lawyer takes thirty three thousand the friend gets sixty six thousand and the friend then kicks him back twenty five thousand and it's and by the way it's all tax-free money you don't get taxed on personal injury money what's buried on the but you know what these people i'm telling you it's why i don't look i don't have my license in

california i don't do this stuff anymore i'm not involved because the truth is is eventually and that doesn't take that long 99.9 of these people get caught they get caught and there's no good in it i knew a kid in jersey when i was growing up that uh got hurt not a good friend just i heard the story got hurt and took some time off and he worked like a big uh trucking firm he was a big shot there and he took time off he was suing the trucking firm or some winter deposition they awarded him the money and that day he was dancing in the club in the city and they took pictures of me lost the case they said he had blow he was on the table yeah you know and they did it recently in new york a bunch of people all the fire guys that wanted disability there's a lot

of these guys they follow the video yep and they got him on a boat the guy hadn't been to work in fucking five years and they caught him on the boat in statin island fishing pulling the fucking great white you know but you got a bad back out there fucking being judged it's it's it's really uh it's really a problem the disability stuff has a ton of fraud in it it's it's an issue and i don't want to be part of that and and i would i like i never told a client to lie even when you break down the stuff of the deposition i i wasn't as bad as as maybe you know as as i was making it out but the truth is is that these guys these guys out there they're guys out there they're really good personal injury attorneys they're trying to help people and there are a lot of people out there

they're just they're just doing the wrong thing and and i just don't want to be part of it and then the truth is is even if i was doing the right thing every single day which i was i just wanted to write i just wanted to write and the crazy thing is the truth between you and i the money i got from helping silence i paid for that 10 times over in karma yeah there you go that 18 i think i got 18 000 when i got arrested my attorney bill was 18 000 i mean it was just there you go it always came back to home me that 18 000 fucking dollars so at the end you don't really win nothing you just buy some fucking time for yourself i remember i fell in front of a fucking sneaker store and here's how even crazier god i fell in front of that sneaker store but they sold the sneakers i like

that's how i knew the hole was there in the sidewalk and i went back there six months later to get a pair of adidas and i was in a rush i had to catch a i had to get the fuck out of had to catch a bus or something and i just took the box and when i got to aspen colorado i put the sneakers on one was at 12 the other one was at nine and a half i had to walk like a schmuck with a nine and a half in the 12 and i got an ingrown toenail and fucking so there you have karma is always a mother fucker so now david chase got you on the phone did you shit your pants when he called you no he didn't call me i had been signed by an agency after i won the film festival and they said uh you know they've been calling me and they said listen you got a meeting and i said look i told

you guys a thousand times i'm a i'm a working lawyer i can't just fly out to la i'd only been with them a couple of months and they said no no no no this isn't an la it's in new york and i go who the hell in new york you go who and then it just hit me i'm like don't don't tell me and they're like yeah david chase sopranos he loves your script can you go meet with him when i said yeah i can go meet with him so i went over there and it was you know silver cup studios in queens and uh there's that parking lot right across the street it has a big uh chain link fence around so you got to park and then walk all the way around to get the silver cup and uh i've told the story before but because it's the truth i parked the car and i got out i started walking around the fence

and i remember looking at the sidewalk looking at the cracks in the sidewalk trying not to step on and i uh and i said to myself in my head i was like okay asshole next hour next hour 60 minutes determines the rest of your fucking life you got 60 minutes you're gonna be happy the rest of your life you're gonna be miserable so i went in there and we talked and i talked about story and character and that kind of stuff and he talked to me about my script he told me he thought my script was very funny you know very real and uh and he said to me uh you know look but you you know i understand you're an attorney when are you gonna have time to do this and i looked him right in the eyes and i fucking lied and i said well the good news is mr chase is you know it's december and the holidays

are coming up and i took the early vacation my vacation starts tomorrow the truth is i had a trial start in the next day and uh he said great and so he said let me talk to your agents so i left and i got a call from my agents that night i was living in uh uh long island and uh in a long beach i was living in long beach and in this uh tiny apartment in this house one of these big old houses built right on the block before the boardwalk and they had an apartment the apartment was the old maids quarters so it's separate staircase separate entrance it was tiny and in the winter the wind would blow through that thing off of the ocean it was my wife and i would go to bed at 6 30 because we were just too fucking cold we needed to get onto the covers and the phone rings and uh

that's the first thing i learned about hollywood when the phone rings and there's two agents on the phone call it's good news because they both want credit for it they both want credit for giving you the good news and they were both on the phone and they said congratulations you want you to write an episode of the sopranos i'll never forget that feeling i said to my wife i'm like i was so amped up i said we got to go for a walk now it's december on the boardwalk at 10 o'clock at night because it was seven in la and we went out and we walked i'm like let's just walk the boardwalk let's walk the boardwalk we both so we were both so excited and i'm walking the boardwalk and we walked maybe 100 yards i'm like fuck this let's get the fuck out i'm freezing my ass off well

he called you to give you parameters for the script well then i had to go back in and meet with him and he gave me a piece of paper i sat down with him and terry winter who did boardwalk empire who's who's a friend and a very nice man and he was very good to me because after that meeting terry came up to me and he said listen it's a free and this is the height of the sopranos mania it was between seasons two and three season one it was a breakout hit season two people got nuts and people couldn't wait for season three and terry winter uh came up to me after the meeting and he said listen here's the deal um i want this to be a good experience for you here's my home number here's my cell number here's the direct line to my office you have any questions while you're doing this just give me a

call he didn't need to do that for some freelance schmuck who had never had anything produced in his life and he's just a nice guy terry um he's always been nice to me and so uh we sat down and the what it was it was one sheet of paper at this point that was it one sheet of paper with a bullet point and there were about 50 bullet points each first scene and each bullet point had one sentence you know tony tony talks to a jay about football practice i'm making stuff you know uh that kind of stuff and then he'd say yeah in this scene we're looking for this or that or whatever and i was just jotting down notes jotting down notes jot down notes and i went home and i wrote i was writing at night i wrote it on the weekend i finished it in about five days

and uh and i remember uh david chase uh called me and he said i heard i heard from terry that you're almost done and i'm like yeah and he's like are you sure this is really fast and i'm like no i'm i'm rereading it but i'm done i feel good about it he's like okay you know send it on in and and the one thing that law school did for me and being a lawyer did for me is i'm fast i can write my last novel in eight weeks and i if you give me a good outline on a network television show you give me a good outline i'll have your script in 36 hours um i gave him the script he turned around uh called me up and he said listen i i got it thank you for your work there's a cease there was a sea story in it about a jay having a crush on a girl he's like we decided we

don't want to do that story uh so we're gonna put in a new story there's like four or five scenes and he said but uh you know i want and i never forget he said i want you to you know i want you and your wife move to la go write you're gonna have a successful career you know you're gonna you're gonna be a writer and i was on the northern parkway in new york in traffic when he called and uh no actually no i was on northern parkway after i left his office uh after he gave me the beach sheet i was on uh sunrise on long island when he called me to and gave me that and it was very nice of him to say and uh the last time i ever talked to him guy just came into my life sprinkled fairy dust on my head and said i'm gonna change your life i

never talked to him again a few years ago was the 10 year anniversary of me getting that job i sent him a very nice bottle of wine with a note that said thank you very much for the opportunity 10 years ago you changed my life i sent one to terry winter and uh terry and i keep in touch every once in a while email um and uh you know david chases i mean when when slip and fall the novel came out i thanked him in the book he was one of the people i thanked because the guy changed my life he wouldn't know me if he if i went outside and he hit me with his car he'd be like who's this bald fuck that i hit with my car he wouldn't know who i am but changed my life it's amazing yeah how did you take it in classes in college or or just because

for the second thing you ever wrote it sounds like you're to be ranked as a pranos were you nervous or was it just you didn't even know to be nervous it's funny i wasn't nervous you know it's so funny it's it's it's uh i know well to answer your first question i've never taken a writing class that must cost a lot of people off in the town that must be the worst maybe but some people you know i think writing classes can be very effective and very helpful you know but but i just never did right um i kind of kind of on the job training um but i think it was one of those things where you're so blessed you're so stupid and so ignorant about the business you don't know enough to be nervous at least at the beginning i was nervous when i

walked into that meeting i knew i had an hour to either give myself the life i really wanted or or not get it um or at least have to wait a lot longer to get it i knew enough that if i can get a soprano's episode that's got to mean something because this show is really popular and i i do remember sitting in the basement of uh my in-laws house in jersey and they have a my father-in-law has a little basement office he keeps down there and just filled with you know brick-a-brack and shit and he's a little desk and i was sitting there on my computer and uh that's where i went to type it was quiet there and uh i started typing and i got to the i don't know three quarters down on the first page and i typed in the word tony and i was about to write dialogue for tony soprano

and that's the one time it hit me and i took my fingers off the keyboard and i kind of pushed away from the from the desk for a second and just went this is fucking real this is fucking real i'm about to i'm about to write something that tony soprano's going to say so it should be good and um you know it was a good episode it was the episode we're at the end uh doing tony told uh assemblyman zelman uh go ahead you can you can sleep with the russian girl and then he takes his belt off and he puts the shit out of it and that was also the one where they shot up the they bought the crack house the hud house right they pulled out all the copper piping and then they they just used the money the loan money and that was uh that was a

fun episode there were some good lines in it that you know that that that i wrote that that i i think did well and uh it was a it was a it's still to this day an important credit on my resume absolutely when people say you wrote for that show because people in the business know i beat one in 10 million odds getting that job with no the first thing i ever had produced was a soprano's episode the first time i ever saw my name on television was my wife and i moved out because you know it took so long with hbo to actually we we moved out to la and then a few months out in la they finally aired the episode and we were living in this tiny little apartment and uh yeah i sat on the couch and we got the new york feed so we got to see it earlier seven o'clock or something five o'clock

or seven and yeah i sat there and watched it on tv and my name came up and i started to cry because i said to my wife i'm like you're the only one you know who thought i could do it it was a nice what was it like how much time was there between you sending in the script and you hearing back that he liked it because i can imagine like he might be worried that he's gonna call out that i hate it you made a mistake no he was very kind i mean he said to me and he was honest and i didn't realize at the time that it's very common and now that i'm a showrunner and i've created three television shows now that have gotten on the air but very very blessed that you know when you have a tone and a voice of the show a showrunner will take it and tweak it and make

changes or blah blah or make a do a wholesale rewrite um in this case he said to me he's like look you know i'm gonna go through it and do this that or whatever and i was like oh no i mean you know he's being nice maybe doesn't really mean it he's telling me i could be a good writer and i called up my agents and they said no no no this is what this is the way it works and then when the script when the final script came out and i saw it i you know 80 percent of i'd say my my the the c story had changed which they told me was gonna have it but say you know 70 80 percent of my dialogue was there you know and uh you know there were some lines in there you know it's when pauli gets out of prison and they're like pauli you know what can i get you and he's like after

six months inside how about late and and at the end tony goes i never thought i'd say this but to the federal government when he's here because he they stole the federal HUD money and so all that's that's all stuff i you know i wrote and and where i where i grew up in new york you know everyone talks like that it's how you know and you know these guys and you know how they talk and and and and they're you know they're very charming fun guys you know how the good line in that scene you probably know what that i mean sure ripper when he goes uh hold on and they play his song by sannachin he's sitting there and all of a sudden he goes this is his song he goes why is it his song is that in that episode i don't really remember that's that episode because i remember it now

i haven't seen that episode in probably 10 years it was on it it's it's funny it's called watching too much television right but there's a problem was on and then they were on a and e for a while and i'd catch them on any and that's when in the daytime i'd be bored they came on like a three or something that's a great time then dick on so i started watching them and that's when he has that line he goes why is it his song everybody's got a song everyone's got a song why is it his song he was great on that show he was he he brought a lot of sweetness to that character he was great yeah they replaced the story line i didn't write at all they replaced the a j story line with the story of chris and his girlfriend and she doesn't think she has to testify against him and she goes

to the lawyer and the lawyer's like you've been watching too much television that was the name of the episode i think that was like four or five scenes that that i had zero to do with i think terry winter came in around terry such a great rider and from there you went to pism break no from there i moved out to la to look for work and my wife and i were out here and i had no i quit my law job she was a tenured teacher she quit that job and uh when i asked her i said listen i think maybe we should give this a shot i'll never forget she looked at me and she said okay she goes it'll be an adventure if it doesn't work we can come home that was it and we moved and it was hard all my family was back all my family's back i come from a very close family very big family a very

close family um moved out here and uh i was out here six i was unemployed uh 16 days i just got a horseshoe up my ass it's the lucky guy and i i i got a job on a show called the guardian on cbs it was season two of the guardian so with uh simon baker and dabney colman it was picked up for 22 episodes we wound up doing 23 um i got paid uh for a whole year as a rider i wound up as a baby staff rider right you know getting my name on multiple scripts that year really writing a lot sony uh only time this has ever happened to me in this business sony gave me something for nothing they were the studio and they said uh you know these these kids doing a great job we need to promote them they didn't ask me to give them a pilot script in return they didn't ask for another

year on my contract and they promoted me within a year i was up four levels i went from a staff rider to a co-producer on the show and then when that was over i went to law and order i did that for one year while i was on law and order i created a reality show called beauty and the geek that ran for five years on the wb and cw do you remember that show yeah and that i'd never done reality before uh haven't done it since but that's when reality was in its heyday heyday and i just said i remember watching a commercial and uh a network had a show called the littlest groom which was basically who wants to marry a midget and i said and they pulled it they never aired it they pulled it because people got so offended by the commercials but i remember watching the commercials

and i said to my wife you know this shit we're in trouble because i'm a rider and this shit's not written and i i gotta if you can't beat them join them and and you know a month later we had beauty and the geek sold that got on the air and then uh i went from there from law and order to prison break which was the best four years of my life i mean what a group of riders all those riders i'd not show man they were amazing and we did that made some of the best friends in my life worked hard had fun uh and from prison break created a show with a friend of mine called breakout kings that ran for a couple years a&e a&e it's a very fun show good show uh dominate clumbard doze don't he's like you know donny's like my brother that guy no i i've never met him i just

see him in 29 000 fucking things he's the best human being the nicest guy another fucking guy with a mobster name yeah but he's a good man man everybody says he's very cool he man and you want to talk about an actor that will just give you his heart and soul i mean he'll do it he'll just do it and he and i you know we become close we're like brothers and i love him and uh did that during that time i i i put out a couple of books i had uh my first novel slip and fall my second novel 15 digits uh they both did well the first you know first one was a national bestseller and uh so that that was an interesting different type of storytelling you know books and then um what did i do after uh that i wanted to break out that i did i did vegas for the one year it was on

i wanted the opportunity to work with nick pelogy you know anyone who writes good fellas in casino is all right by me the coolest cat you'd ever want to meet 81 i think he's 82 years old now he was 80 when i worked with him and he showed up every single day more energy than anyone in that room the nicest man the most decent man and you want to talk about humble i mean i don't know about you if i wrote good fellas i'd wear a t-shirt every day that said i wrote good fellas i'd never stop i mean look listen to me now all i'm doing is talking about myself i haven't done shit in this business and nick pelogy never made you gotta you gotta pull it out of him and i did i made him crazy every day i was like hey mr pelogy remember that scene when when when when peshi goes when little

young peshi goes hey how you doing henry like why did he call him henry why didn't he call him henry i'm like was that a mistake but you i mean every day and and the best was he's like no that was scripted he goes like we knew a guy in our neighborhood he couldn't say people from the Bronx yeah he called him henry henry henry earl yeah they really said earl i went to school with a family the balzanos and the mom marion was in the Bronx and her she'd said that she would say henry yeah henry earl instead of oil she had a couple words that were just fucking tremendous henry henry henry henry yeah and when i i drove him crazy and he was so patient with me he answered every single question because i just love and i loved him he's the nicest man everyone called him nick

i refused to call him nick it was mr pelogy for just for out of respect for what he did sure he's 80 years old you call him you know i'm like in my kid's school all the kids are like they call all their friends parents by their first name i tell my friends kids i'm like my name is fucking mr santora call me mr santorio ten-year-old yeah yeah yeah that's that's how i was raised and i i called him mr pelogy and and he said to me he's like planks nick and i was like okay okay and i i tried to my mouth wouldn't say it i tried this i couldn't do it and i said to him i said mr pelogy if it makes you really that uncomfortable i'll i'll call you nick i'm like but i it feels i it's just not right to me and he said okay you can call me mr pelogy mr santor and he called me

mr santor and still calls me mr santor of this day and he's the nicest classiest guy you'd ever want to meet i love him that season of vegas wasn't the guy from chicago on there chicago was denis quaid and michael chiclis no farina oh that vegas oh my god you wrote that oh vegas yeah i was talking to you about the other fucking vegas this would have been like seven vegas yeah i was only about the vegas with oh my god i never went in for that fucking show i didn't know what kind of vegas it was i'm hearing about it i it was a uh it was a really it was based on a movie that mr pelogy had written a million years ago about the real ralph lamb and and his interactions with with organized crime in vegas in the early 60s when vegas was really starting to grow i'm really getting

bigger and bigger and bigger and the battles between outside money coming in from the mob an old school nevada ranchers who that had been their family's land for years and it was such a ripe world to be explored but unfortunately you know a lot of the executives just want we're kind of looking for it to be kind of like a crime of the week case of the week show it eventually by episode six turned into what it kind of probably should have been the whole time which was this saga but by then the audience had gone from like 17 million almost 18 million that it premiered to to down it it just it was it's attrition and it couldn't be saved and i felt bad just because mr pelogy this other guy uh greg walker who was running it with mr pelogy really nice guys but it didn't

work out but i made some i got to work with nick pelogy how can i complain you know it's funny uh didn't pelogy have good fellas on a and e for a while i was supposed to do it as a series yeah oh i never even heard about that yeah they came out and i'm sitting i couldn't see it he writes every day nick pelogy every day he's got stuff going on with scorsese he's just he's he's he's an inspiration i want to grow up to be mr pelogy he's the best and now you got scorpion now i got score look at you i'm forgetting all the now what is scorpion about scorpion is inspired by real life guy walter o bryan it's inspired by his incredible intellect um he has a 197 IQ averages 100 you know if you got a 125 you're pretty sharp guys guys 197 uh einstein was 160 so that shows where

this guy is and it's like a Richter scale so 197 is not 37 points smarter than einstein it's about you know 5 000 times smarter than einstein and he's he's like a guy he's from ireland he lives in la now and he's uh super smart and he does all this crazy shit and he has this company called scorpion and he uh only has geniuses working for him and they put they problem solve the problem solve for governments the problem problem solve for massive corporations the problem solve for charities you know his whole thing is is i'm a very bright guy there are other very bright people let's try to do some good he also likes to get very rich you know he's got ferrari's and lambry this is a guy from my terminated well that's robert patrick i saw him on that he's a commercial

yeah he's on the show uh he plays their government handler um ellias uh gable is the uh is the um guy who plays walter o'brien i got called in to play a guy at a plant two lines at a plant yeah like some furniture factory or something hey you've been not doing the job here don't do your best do my best yeah that's i was just cutting that episode something like this and you know what i thought that that you know that line comes from i can't take credit for that line don't do your best do my best that's adam corolla's famous line and he's always saying that line i'm friends with adam so i stuck it in there as a little goose to him but uh yeah that that's i didn't even know you came in on that i didn't i didn't it was i was out of town oh okay called

them like on a wednesday and they called in that morning or something they said can you make it a between 12 and 1 and i couldn't make it okay but it was like one and i didn't know what it was like really don't play a fucking factory that's right that guy gets shot and killed yeah right something happened you get factory worker or some shit i didn't know what that yeah he takes a bullet but scorpion is doing great it's uh the new number one drama on cbs it's got a young that you know everyone wants that young 18 to 49 demographic and normally if you can get like a 18 a 19 now okay that's now we're doing something here we're well above a four you know we were average i think we'd do like a 4.5 4.6 it's at one point um it's it's uh i don't know it's it's a blessing it's good

he's tough right now though it's tough i'm working long hours right now but but i got he's very tough right now yeah and tv and you know tv is tough but this show is doing really well and so i'm doing that and then i got the uh my first kids book that's out now i want an alien for christmas it's uh it's a it's a chapter book it's about 134 pages it's for like five six year olds up to about 12 year olds you got to read it to a five or six year old seven eight nine year they can read it themselves but uh i'll tell you you probably didn't know this mr ds but on december 17th something happens with santa clothes he goes on a test run he gets in his sleigh with his head elf Elvis and they do a test run and they check weather patterns and the navigation that he's

going to use in a week on christmas eve to make sure everything goes smoothly except when he goes behind the cloud bank in the middle of the night he smashes with a star hopper which is like an alien version of a jet ski and a little 10 year old alien was playing on his star hopper while they smash that alien flips in the air and lands in the sleigh santa and elvis tumble into the star hopper the reindeer see the alien reindeer are stupid they think they can run away even though they're latched to the sleigh they take off and crash in a small town called millbrook falls new hampshire and the three Bartlett kids find the kid and find find the alien and realize the aliens down here santa's up there we got to switch them and save christmas and it's a really fun it's a fun story

for kids it's already been optioned for a movie i'm going to be producing it i'm going to write the script and uh i really really really if we're really going to get this movie made you need to be able to buy it so if you're incredible listeners want to get a gift for a kid a niece a nephew a cousin whatever let's go to amazon barnesonnoble.com i want an alien for christmas good family christmas fun you're an old school mother fucking right like you don't give a fuck i'll write anything books toilet page you don't write i'll write anything all right amazing fucking bazooka joe comics i don't give a shit because some people just why just write scripts you know some people have attitudes or whatever the fuck you have uh and i mean even the genres you know all right prison break you know

the sopranos you like you like the criminal world i like that stuff but i also i've done i wrote a comic book series for dc called sandstorm which was a horror movie set in the horror story set in the afghanistan war and it was something original idea i had i'll write anything anything you know why because i had a job i hated i was in my late 20s my mid to late 20s and i was like i'm a young man and i feel like i'm a hundred years old when i was a lawyer i used to say to my wife my biggest fears i'm going to be doing this the rest of my life now that i'm a writer i say to my wife my biggest fear is that i won't be able to do this for the rest of my life i love what i do i'm so happy i get to do what i do and i i like i like being collaborative i love making film i love

producing film i love editing i mean you're saying lee that you like i love editing that's rewriting that's the best to me it's the second best part the purest part is sitting there and writing it and then editing is when you get to fix all the fuck ups oh man i overwrote this let me cut those three lines we can do that whole speech with a look let's lose it let's do this let's do that you know and it's fun and some of these editors i mean they're just artists they're painters and i get to work with incredible editors on scorpion and i've gotten to work with incredible editors throughout my life i love working with with great television directors i love it i'll write anything i'll do anything let me write you a joke right i'll write you a joke i'll do anything you want that's amazing

that you wrote like a kid's book like a john and you have children yeah i have two little girls five and ten wow like you you got the blessing of daughters and uh they're beautiful kids they're good kids and uh you know i scorpion's the first thing i've ever done that they can watch now the five-year-old doesn't watch it because she actually said to me this morning she's like daddy and my kids both because they grew up in my house they both have they've lived in california the whole lives they both have new york accents because they just learned how to talk in my house so you know my little one looks at me and she was daddy i don't understand what they're saying i don't i can't understand the show i don't like scorpion and i said okay i go i get it you

don't have to like it sweetie that's all right my oldest one's like god you're crazy it's the best show on tv because she loves it it's the first thing i've done that we can enjoy together so that's special to me and the kids book is something that i wrote for them and they love it because it reads like a movie i mean it is crazy there's a guy an air force cadet that works at norad and he notices when the when the sleigh crashes that there's these fire streaks in the air and he realizes that copper when moving at a certain speed gives off heat flashes and he can and there's like seven of them and he connects them and when he connects them lo and behold it looks just like the runner of a sleigh and he realizes holy shit that's santa sleigh because

when this guy in norad was 10 years old he was looking up at his skyiness with his telescope and spotted santa on december 17th santa because he's magic this all makes sense right santa because he's magic looks at him and gives him a wink because he knows that he's being watched and this guy from norad goes oh my god that means i'm special that means santa is going to give me the best gift on christmas he's going to get me a commander kodi retro rocket with optional bonus boosters because i've been so good and then christmas morning he gets a fucking catcher's mitt and he has had a hard on for santa for now his entire life and now he's 27 and he sees santa crashed into millbrook falls new hampshire and he's like i'm going to go get that fucker so you got the guy

from from norad from the air force going after santa we got a bad shopping mall santa like bad santa like billy bob thorton realizes there's an alien in town with these little kids and he's going to catch that alien and bring him to the national inquirer for a million bucks reward so we got a santa going after the alien we got a guy from space going after santa we got a school bully chasing all of them and it just becomes like a mad mad mad mad world and it reads like a movie which is probably hopefully why it got optioned and i hope we can actually make this fucking thing because it's fun you're a fucking savage bro i i just got a right shit you got to write it and say i am just blown away after i spoke to you i read a little bit about you and i was just a

fucking attorney why would you quit oh it sucks a big dick and i see it it sucks you know for i knew nothing i did comedy for all these years and i wrote jokes and cars and and years ago i used to get up about six years ago i started getting up at four in the morning at night and i would write for two hours you know get up at four four what time would you go to bed didn't matter i got one and i started writing a blog and i you know forgot grammar you know it's amazing how you yeah and i've been looking at the blog after a year and going wow that's what writing is it's a muscle and you have to hit it every day yeah that's how i feel with comedy when i wake up in the morning i write a little bit and then i fuck around absorb and then write a little more and like tonight before

it came i wrote a little more half hour and this is and this is you know to put together sets for shows yeah a tag something i've been thinking about just because sometimes i'll put the sentence out and then work it in my head yeah then put it on paper and take a look at it okay here we go once it's on paper it's completely different and always you can always really hear it when you say it out loud you're right i go crazy i write scripts and i like one of the reasons i like writing scripts you said grammar like i can't spell for shit i mean i can't my does it spells it for yeah i know it does but my spell check is like fuck you motherfucker give me a break because i can't every of the word is wrong but the thing i like about writing scripts is the dialogue doesn't

matter just have to sound real bad dialogue almost like it offends me bad dialogue hurts my ears and the tough thing with television especially when you're doing a procedural like scorpion is sometimes you got to write dialogue that's not that natural because you got to do all that exposition to explain the case to the audience the case of the week whatever it is and and i've gotten it down now where you can you can give the audience that medicine but wrap it up in some sugar so it's not as it's not as bitter as it normally would be but i you know all you got to do someone like you you could write dialogue that sounds so real that sounds so you know with all the shit you've done and all the all the experiences you had it would be easy for you you know but but i but what i do

when i when i'm writing my dialogue is i'll just say it out loud i'll act it out i'll get up if i'm doing a southern guy i'll pace around in my office i'll talk in some half ass southern accent i'll start going crazy i lean i start sweating i just got to make sure it makes it sounds right and you do what you got to do but yeah i mean you're getting up and then this stuff look i met you know mic betancourt like i said he's one of my best friends i know he's a friend of yours dear friend love mic mic knows my my i'd give it all up tomorrow to do a half hour the best thing i ever wrote in my life was a curb your enthusiasm script i i love con i don't watch our drama the only our dramas i watch i watch i i love the breaking bad which i think was one of

the best shows for me it's the best show ever made i love that show i love that show and but i all i do is i watch the office and always sunny in philadelphia and modern family and archer and i watch and stuff like i just want to make people laugh you know i hate half hour comics yeah well some of them are absolutely terrible watch them cannot fucking watch them whatsoever uh i have a problem i grew up watching the the other morning i woke up last uh what's the 18th yeah so last thursday i woke up early in the morning at six and i went and i threw my wife out of the bed so i could write and i brought a cup of coffee and and i went up the computer and i go to facebook and ran and the thing it says it's november 13th philix was asked to remove himself from his place

of residence that request came from his wife i almost dropped my cup of coffee you don't know nobody fucking knows you don't know what that is nobody knows the tears in my eyes the odd couple it's one of the greatest shows but that's but but that's what i grew up watching this is what i'm telling you so you cannot i grew up listen all in the family but it was 11 o'clock uh philix 11 30 the mooners yeah 12 o'clock sanford and sun and 12 30 twilight zone opened up with 10 30 wpix wpix dot 11 but i grew up at 10 30 you had benny hill so you were smoking dope we're playing lifting weights everybody knew it 10 25 gotta go benny hill's on 10 30 you went home just maybe benny hill's dropped a tit because every once every once in a while something would happen they show

a tit something would happen on fucking tv and nobody said nothing there was no wardrobe malfunction there's no black fcc nothing nothing 10 30 fucking and then 11 you switch right over the wpix honey and it was the honey mooners and in my world there was two writers for that show two writers yeah and he would come over and break that ball two writers one night i'm watching sign that live i get back from watching comedy from doing comedy watching comedy i'm sitting there and it's uh jimmy fallon and the fat kid that lost a lot of weight her ratio her ratio her ratio sounds and this is when i stopped this is why i'm the way i am i'm old school yeah don't don't try to run it by me because i grew up i came from cuba yesterday i went to jujitsu and some kid was

their cuban kid and he goes hey man i brought you a present he just came to town to visit but he heard the podcast he did with higgin machado where i spoke about why i spoke about dick van dyke dick van dyke is how i learned to speak this fucking language when i came from cuba i know nothing i knew ps 166 and i knew dick van fucking dyke da da da da da da da da da maybe fall over they fall over but then season two he walked around yeah fucking brilliant they don't do that shit today he skipped around and he skipped around and looked at the tv like what bitch okay that's that's being a fucking writer okay and so i grew up on that and then you had on the family the the mother-in-law with the desi arnaz there was a bunch of shows we grew up

but something happens when you're nine in new york you discover the honeymoon yeah and you know i got to prove for me i remember me and whitey old donald on my mother's bedroom phone me on the phone with fernie bus uh fernie uh with the kid valentine ferrell doing the honeymoon lines oh yeah doing the line your mother going what the fuck is going to sleep with that new phone why i'm both of my lines because there's no caller i d call i'm waiting you can use the phone it was beep beep beep and that's what you did i remember when the group that that was it then the philx hunger there once was a man his name was uh philx no it was oska oska oska he wore his suit very messy fc messy oh that's shit you can't so for me to watch something now the bar was raised the bars high

the bar was raised a channel came out recently channel 20 it's called we tv on whatever the fuck you have you i sit there at night and sperm comes out of my dick and my belly button it's hawaii five oh mission impossible canon you know these are the shows we grew up on you know nothing's better than a hawaii five oh theme song nothing no to me mission impossible okay yeah i'm gonna miss the bongos fuck the cowbell the bongos came before the motherfucking cowbell that whatever talked about i hit them baby sitter in the head one night because i heard that i heard the hawaii five oh that that that i hit it with the shoe horn uh what was the name la la la la la la la la la la biosa she used to shake when she talked to my mother since she had syphilis so i had her in

there with the shoehorn and shit well i was like seven uh i forgot she was still alive whenever i go to union city she'd still be shaking you hit me in the head with a shoe on the hawaii five oh But I grew up on the Hollywoods and there's times that I'm not doing nothing guys I'm not ashamed to admit this. I'm not do I probably have 16 episodes on my TV on DVR Yeah, yeah, and when nothing's going on I sit there and I put them on and I start calling. Oh, yeah I start calling the lines fucking balling. Yeah, I'm not I watched the The one when he fucking tells the magazine company. He's gonna die because he read the dog Oh my god, and he shows up with Norton dressed as a fucking doctor and he's docked Norton to keep it easy

Norton walks in don't touch me. I'm sterile. Remember that was the whole thing. Don't touch me. I'm sterile Norton would you knock it off? Well, I'm some sort of not unless I'm gonna give the guy the check We're gonna get the fuck out of here, right guy comes in. Who's this? This is dr. Norton We want to give you back to check we discovered. I don't have arterial monochromium, right? Oh, you remember that I don't have arterial monochronian I'm gonna give you the check and we're gonna leave now. Wait a minute. Come back here And he tells him, you know, a trivial monochromia. Who's the guy and he goes this don't you see that? We have a human interest story here and and he goes dr. Norton

How about we take some pictures and do a story about and Ralph goes no not really He's busy. He's got to go back something and Norton looks like this. I don't mind a couple pictures I Would tell what Karni did on that show was it was a master's class. Come on dog. Come on dog. Hello ball Hello, boy string of pilop and he's string of when he fucking danced Here's a dance you should know the huckle buck and when fucking Carlos that was the first Puerto Rican ever on tv And he told them, you know, I don't care Oh, Mrs. Mrs. Manicotti, Mrs. Manicotti upstairs. Mrs. Manicotti. He wants to do the mom boy everybody out every

And you and your age should be ashamed of yourself and shit The episode when he throws his mother-in-law That's one of the most there's two episodes I look at today and I look at because of the brilliance And it always involved the mother-in-law 60 60 seconds I give you two minutes and she'll fucking ruin my night and he sets the time and he's got tickets for the play Yeah, uh murder strikes out murder story jimmy pierce all jimmy pierce all boston red socks, bitch He lost his mind. He lost his fucking mind He started climbing the climbing the backstop a real boston fucking red sock used to run around the bases backwards after he hit a home running

He was crazy Joe sander people and he goes, you know, the press tells you not to tell their story And at the end he goes She goes and all the press saying that not to tell the story It was the butler who did it and all of a sudden the bell goes off. It was perfect The alarm clock was the timing was perfect timing was perfect and all of a sudden he goes he hits it and he goes you Are a blabbermouth. Well, I was going anyway. Whether you were going any way or any other way I'm still throwing you out that and the one when they found the suitcase filled with money

That's one of the best written TV episodes for a day. You know what one killed me the one that killed me made me cry killed me not not cry because funny When they adopted the baby and had to give it back I never saw that one. That's the 1951 one. Yeah, it was some one of the lost ones and And he and he and he kept saying about the baby The the they adopted a baby They finally had a baby and he's so proud and alice is so happy and then the mother who gave birth to the baby decided I can't do this. I need my baby back and

Alice is like Ralph If we love her this much imagine how much she loves her and he and he and he and and uh Cramden's pacing back and forth. He's like, I don't care. It's my baby. I'm in love with her. I'm in love with her You can't she can't have her back. It's my kid. I don't have no I'm in love with her and he's just going over and over and it's heartbreaking and they give the baby back It's like a dramatic honeymooners. It'll kill you and I that's the one that always stuck with me to me He's always been one of the best and you said norton Carney was a master class that's the the thing that I realized when I started

I was you know a kid and I was you know an elementary school or late elementary school when I started watching it It was when my dad on a you know on a construction site someone showed up one day, you know Selling tv radio combos that fell off the back of a truck and he came home And I mean when I say the screen was this big It was like two decks of cards on top of each other and it was this big and then there was a little radio next to it And he got like 10 bucks 20 bucks. He gave it to me I I thought I had the world and I put it on the little desk next to my bed

And I'd lie on my side and I'd watch this little black and white screen Every night I was supposed to be in bed, but I had to watch the honeymooners I had to watch the odd couple And it's it to this day even when I write drama everything I write has to have humor in it because that's what I loved And I remember watching the honeymooners and having this epiphany of oh my god All the shit I've been watching that hasn't been doing it right Has been stealing all the shit all the jokes the pratfalls the moves that I saw in threes company

In 1977 78 whenever the hell I saw it. It was all stolen from the honeymooners. They just did it badly All the crazy that I mean he's the original crazy next door neighbor. He's the first kramer You know all that shit and the honeymooners just laid the platform the blueprint for everybody and everyone's trying no one's gotten it And it's just you watch it and it's it to this day it's one room One room an ice box the size of a shoe box One window one door and a and god bless them a chest of drawers that seem to have everything they needed in those drawers And anything they've been needed a pad and a pen was in there an extra shirt was in there

You know if they needed a deck of cards and a pair of dice everything was in that and that's it And a table with a couple of chairs. I mean that was it and and they made masterful storytelling Week in week out. Yeah, I love that show the christmas episode I mean The the fucking food with the chef of the future When they were going to cut the slice of the dice the future the future the chef of the future Who are you the chef of the future can it call a apple can I I mean just uh

Shit that we still fuck around with people the tax one It's just uh, but the one who is the guy when they're at the pool hall And my friend was my friend Harvey my friend Harvey is even bigger than me. I got a friend surely So good man, let me give some shout outs here get you the fuck out of you How you feeling I'm pretty high see I gave you a nice little edible. Look at that. Look at the shape Look at him. He's so happy. Yeah, this is okay. He said he wasn't getting mushrooms, too He's sitting there thinking he's like when's this guy gonna shut the fuck up? No, this is what we do No, I know it's amazing. I'ma tell you something if uh, what we do on this show

I got a second chance in a lot of ways And you are the fucking epitome of stories for this. This is this is what we do. Okay, great. Yes, you know People email every week that they're unhappy. They don't know what to fucking do you You know when you tell your story Everybody goes through this. Yeah, everyone. There's some people that have the balls to do what you did or not even balls Or there's people who are just scared And they'll live their life to their 50 and Monday You know, you weren't scared

Yeah, it gets well, I you look I had to do something But I tell anyone like when people get depressed or say I was depressed. You just say it gets it'll get better Got to just push through it. You gotta do something yourself Yeah, you sit there and take the windfall. That's what's gonna happen But if you get up and do something about which it's a beautiful story, you know, you've been writing all these fucking stories Write a fucking story about yourself That's what you got to do. I want it by yourself. Forget all this shit with fucking martian Joey V. DeStefano, Jo Wando, Tommy Easter, James Mel Lowe, whatever your fucking name is

Albert Jimenez, you always got to throw a Puerto Rican in there Michelle Clifford, I love you dirty bitch. Amanda tale. I love you too. Thank you for torturing Lee today Ross dude, stay black And madison ray you sexy bitch. I love you too Nick santo has been a fucking trip. You leave. What do you got to say about this? Did you learn something? Yeah, no, it's um I actually had a question for both of you guys. How do you guys deal with Like nick like you you love all the shows you worked on and like when not all of them I just won't tell you which ones

Well, even the one you didn't what is it like when they get canceled? They what is it when like a job like that ends the one that hurt was breakout kings because that show was the highest testing pilot Uh, fbc fox network had had in over decade tested through the roof and they picked up Two shows that tested Substantially lower than we did One show got cancelled after two episodes and the only reason to get cancelled after one episode was because if it got cancelled after one episode They would look like total fucking idiots

So it got cancelled after two episodes the other show got cancelled after 13 episodes Our show got picked up by a and e which never happens You never have one network say well We're development execs It's our job to develop tv ourselves and we're going to admit to our corporate bosses That these other people did a better job than we did and we should buy their castoffs I mean it's career suicide But they love the pilot so much and it tested so high

A and e took it and it proceeded to then set the record for the highest debut At a and e it ran for two seasons with with dom lombardosie And that was around the time like american horror story started getting popular and the people at a and e said you know what we got to go genre We got to go genre. We got to move away from cops and crime In the meantime Breakout kings if you watch it watch the first just watch the pilot It's the funniest one hour cop show you'll ever watch. We cast jimmy simpson who's you watch house of cards Yeah, he's the hacker on house of cards. Okay. He's one of the best actors in the country

He's like a hidden gem and I cast him off of always sonny in philadelphia a comedy not to be in this hour cop show Sonny is I think that's a ground breaking comedy. You might like I know you don't you like the old school stuff But you might like because these kids on on sonny. I've heard that it's they take chances they do different things and it's and it's wild and They uh, the the the whole thing with uh with breakout kings is they decided we're going to go genre And so after the second season they just didn't have us come back And we left at the end we led we ended the uh The second season on a massive cliffhanger never got resolved that one hurt

Because that show was was my voice it was what I loved and it was fun and I love the actors and I loved going to work That one stung that was tough um But then I then you know you put it in perspective and say you know what that sucks I lost something that I that me and a lot of other people worked hard on but you know what I'm healthy I've got a family that loves me. I love them. I got a box full of pens I got a box full of pens. I've got a full four and a half inch dick Life is life is fucking good. That's fully erect Lee

No, that's not bad It's uh, I just get a text from bet and court. You're killing it. Yeah, it's great. You fucking asshole you uh You know I don't know how many times I remember fucking going to an audition The week before christmas going down to whatever fucking olympic Going into a room and reading and her going come back in two hours And I go back in two hours and I get back in two hours and travolta is that And I know you were travolta and then and he's giggling and we're all giggling

She comes calls. Listen come back tomorrow at 11 30 and you're gonna read for the director. Okay And I'm washing my pussy. I'm putting my warm-up suit on and I got a call that the director hired somebody on new york the night before That happens. It happens. It happens in so many and it's how you I used to always get cliff-tanked I'm captain december. I start rocking now. Yeah, I'm already ready. I'm like next week That's it my comedy career ends on sunday and I go to podcasting and films till december 20. Yeah, that's all I do now And it's it's it's it's every year. It just gets hot but every year I go in for something huge And I go in on the 20th for and I got to sit for three weeks during the holidays waiting for the Wait and wait and then they call you on the fourth and they go either they went with you

They went with somebody else you made me wait for fucking three weeks something You know they worked during christmas, you know, you nobody just sits there and opens up fucking presents So it's there's been all those situations, but then I've also been on the other side of the coin Yeah, I also know what it is to go in and get it right away And it's you know a couple years ago. I got a call at one in the afternoon joey. They're looking for somebody on ivor For an italian Sprint commercial fucking walk. When can you walk to an audition? Yeah When can you fucking walk to an audition? I walked went in red walked out the next day. They had callbacks

I didn't get called back. I was depressed. They gave me the fucking commercial three days later Yeah, I made a ton of fucking loot. I walked through a commercial. Not many times that happens Never. Yeah, is it weird being on that side? Like do you are you involved with auditions? Because I've I've been working with them for three years and I hear oh, I didn't do this Well, I didn't like I don't like do I did it or just it's that's the worst part of the process Lee, be honest the worst part of the process for me the thing I like the least about my job is is casting for a couple of reasons one 30 people come in the door Every single one of them is talented

You don't get into that stage of the auditioning process unless you're talented unless you're immensely talented And there's only one job you got a 29 30th 29 of the 29 30th chance of losing when you go in To it's not at the end of the day my final call I might be a showrunner on a show, but There's networks people. There's studio people. There's a million people that are involved and you know, you have a very strong voice but you don't always get to make the final call and

I hate seeing people and sometimes someone will come in and just Kill it crush it. They're amazing, but you know what? They're four inches taller than the male lead And we need someone shorter than the male lead and the male leads only five foot eight So we need to get a woman five foot six or smaller And you had a woman who came in it was You know 5 11 and she was amazing, but you can't make the leading man look tiny

And that's the note you get from the studio And there's a million reasons why an actor doesn't get a role The last reason on the list is which never comes into play is you're not talented It's always The wrong look the wrong this the wrong that but it's never oh my god. Your read was awful Everyone comes they do it a million different ways and they're all interesting. They're all good You want to give 30 jobs to 30 people? That's the part I I don't like

Yeah, and it's uh because I do that I audition all the time I run around town with my little fucking knapsack full of stupid stories and go Hey, you want to say it's just it's auditioning every time I pitch a story I'm auditioning right and the worst part of anything like that like even job interviews Is not like they don't call you usually when you don't get a job So like and it's like it's just awful not knowing I like do you ever call an actor be like listen you did a good job? It's just the network said no or I actually no I actually have done that

It's rare, but I've called their agents and I said I just want you to know Your client didn't get this job, but they crushed it and I want to keep them in mind for other stuff They were perfect It was this thing. It was that thing. They want to go a little older They want to go a little younger They now now the studio came in and said they want the guy to be black and you know You could be as good as active as you are but you can't be black. That's the worst that happens a lot Okay, you just everyone just heard it

Joey just said black people are the worst. No. No. No. No. He said worse than that I've had three or four situations early on when I was learning to be an actor When I had a manager was very aggressive And there was one job in particular That they probably saw me four times in five days And then said that they switched the character to black Or the other way around I've known black people have been in for two weeks

Mind-breaking pile and they switched it to a white guy. It just happens. I meant it like that. Yeah, it just happens No, we you said what you said you don't like black people I don't like when I go in for an audition the first and they ask me is how tall are you or what are you way? That's it I don't like that. That's pretty qualifying. You you're done You know, they just asked you the killer. You don't even know what the fuck to say And it's just and who? Who the fuck cares come in and become the character. I don't give a shit if you know But that's why you're saying that I can't go into play opposite tom cruise if he's five fucking six

You're following me, you know, I know somebody who did uh the movie but the music down in miami. He was just doubled Oh the uh rock of ages. He was a body double. He was telling me it's amazing. I'm fucking tiny the guy was It's how skinny, you know the whole fucking thing. So I always knew I've never taken I've never taken An acting decision poorly It's always gone through me. I digested it and I moved on. I've always been I've had friends that have been suicidal You don't get disappointed at some things like some things. I'll go. Fuck I should have done better in the audition On my eyes are going right when you're 44. It's over. It's you know, it's can I tell you something?

44 the past four or five months. I said to my wife. I'm like I'm getting headaches. I'm like and at night I'm lying in bed next to my daughter reading to her and I'm holding the books six inches away from my face I got to get glasses right for do you have glasses everywhere? Everywhere you don't go to the doctor because the doctor's on it's three 400 sag with the whole thing. You don't need that Just go to Costco And get the 20 pack of fucking vision and just put them and just magnifiers Put them in your car the bathroom Because you're going to start the kitchen anywhere where you got to look at shit because it just goes

It's fucking crazy. I've never worn glasses in my life. Never fucking eagle eye Never I could see a coke rock under the fucking carpet. That's like how people for years And I fucking once I stopped doing blow and stopped at 44 my eyesight went Into the shitter and now so now I I'm at home. I got the glasses on I'm doing the audition pooper the pooper the pooper. I get up. I write it Once you get in the room. I'm the king of improvising. Yeah But once I take those glasses off it disappears. Yeah, and when you're in front of five people it disappears I don't care if you did it 80 times. You got to look down for keywords. It becomes blur. You're fucked

There's no mobsters with fucking glasses. Yeah, so I could do a great. We were glasses Maybe you get contacts man. I think for one eye. He told me already because you're gonna be like a fucking schmuck It's for one eye. The left eye went down the tube. That's why if you look at my car, I got dents on the left side Putting one putting one contact. It's a nightmare. If you haven't done it all your life, you're just not gonna fucking go home one day I know I can't I can't I got to do something different for auditions now It's become a problem. Yeah that I do a good one, but it's not me. It's not me I got to learn it inside and outward, but I've never really sweated

If I want some I always went for it Yeah, but that's how I get my shit if I want something I go for it If you put out a breakdown of you tell 20 people I'm looking for this guy and I find out about I'll get the script I'll call my buddy at ca. We'll get the script and I'll put a fucking that's how I got the longest yard They told me they want a big pussy or several goose. Yeah, I Thought one thing to myself. They're stars. You gave them goose a pussy. Yeah, I get a goose a pussy. They're stars But they're not funny. Right not what I've I'm a I'm a Classically trained like I'm trained in front of a deli in jersey. That's classically trained

When you could when you could hold court deli with eight other fucking funny people That's classically trained then there's a stand-up at the Tommy and Buffalo. Once you go to Buffalo That's it. It's over if you can keep them buffalo. They'll shoot you You're good to go. So I knew that into my heart. Yeah, Nick and I put an audition tape I said it's Adam Sandler and I got the fucking rose by the man too same fucking thing What was the one where you pulled your pants down when they were turned around? American family the pilot before this one on abc years ago about a family that Wanted to move and they moved and they thought they were moving the paradise and they had me for a fucking neighbor

And I'd be out there with like a bikini on Like a little kids pool flying up hot dogs asking you want to come over for a hot dog? Never got picked up. I still bump into the people that like listen again. Yeah that pilot that year I bumped I kept that was the first pilot ever That I shot that people kept in touch with me. Yeah, I did that one in bronx county It was a pilot on cbs 15. It was going to be there answered an nypd blue right And these guys really kept in touch with me because the pilot had I forget I could drop a bunch of names I forget who was in this pilot

But they had this show covered like this show was funny as fuck Scored the highest of abc abc didn't pick it up. They picked up three other companies and they all shit the bad All them shit the bad. Yeah, it's the story of life. You don't know why they do it today I was sitting there today. We got to get out of here in a minute. I just want to tell you something I'm sorry to keep you. No, I don't want sitting there today. I'm parking. I'm going to acupuncture And I look up. I don't look at fucking billboards again I can't see but I'm at the light. I could see the billboard Dracula Whatever, let me ask you a question. How many fucking Dracula movies can they make?

How many spider-man's are we gonna fucking make until when are we gonna keep making fucking spider-man? He got bit by a spider now. He thinks he's a fucking spider his grandmother's retarded They killed his fucking father and you move on with your fucking life. That's it There's only one way you can tell the three little fucking pigs not these fucking people So I like I tell my agents like well, these are the smartest dumbest fucking people you've ever met in your life When lee makes a decision he makes a decision on his own when I make a decision I asked my wife you ask you have also god bless your wife Because if you wouldn't have a wife, they have a cliche saying behind every good man. There's a good woman

It's not a cliche I'm living proof and you just you know, there's most women you go home to and say I want to be a writer If she was abroad from statin I don't fuck yourself and you went home and said I want to be a writer I'm thinking of a career. Well, you have to do that on your own because I'm not leaving. That's what you're a lawyer You're a lawyer. Go make some money. Go make money. Go slip and fall and sue yourself Let me do some shoutouts here. I love to have you on it, bro What's the name of the book and give them a link where we could put this up? I want an alien for christmas

Go to amazon.com go to barnes and noble.com great gift for a kid And if it says on amazon temporarily sold out, it's just because we're selling a lot of them Fuck that still order it. They'll get it to you because we're getting a bunch shipped over soon I want an alien for christmas and thank you for having me. I'd love to come back Let's come let me go let's come with mick and we'll get real stupid. I'm crazy hours We'll blow fuck we'll do seven fucking hours. We'll do seven hours. Whatever the fuck you want to do Let me just let them get the fuck out of here on it.com. It's not about vitamins and whatever It's about a higher level taking it your fucking body in your mind to a higher level. It starts with alpha brain

I'm not going to tell you again. You haven't problems. You're confused. You're now focusing 100% money back guarantee. We don't even want the fucking product back. What does that tell you when you go to a chinese restaurant You go pork fried rice Let's say they throw a fucking cat tail in there and you bring it back You're gonna give you back fuck. No you get that they'll take it out and throw it and tell you they're gonna give you Water they just remix it put soy sauce and give it back to you. Not on it. They give you a check back What I'm trying to say is Honor don't fuck around. All right, go to honor.com. See what they got the vitamins nutrition

They also have weights. I can't help you with that stuff But on the vitamins and minerals gave you 10% off go to honor and press what in the box church Stop it church get 10% off Also, look into the stay on it program like dollar shave for this and they write to your fucking house every month You have to leave the goddamn house me on these calm How long you gonna have those disgusting fucking underwear on with skid marks and blood and fucking chlamydia lotions on it You don't need that shit You know how long a man holds on to underwear seven fucking years and he keeps the chicks underwear too after you break up

With them you take the little undies home You sniff the pussy out of the middle and you'll whack off for fucking years till the the thing don't even smell like pussy no More you can smell the cotton the fucking hand was picked with whatever the fuck it is, right? So I don't know what the fuck i'm saying What i'm trying to say is me on these has tremendous selection Go to me on these see what they got women's and men's go to me on these dot com and press in joey Boom, I got me on these on right now. My balls are fucking tremendous I use them to work out because it keeps everything in place your nut doesn't pop out of the gym

Plus it pulls the moisture out of your nutsack So it goes into the thing. I swear to god. My balls don't sweat at all. They're tremendous They smell like iris spring me on these dot com press in joey And then you go you get 10 percent off 20 20 percent off Fuck the jews and free shipping and free shipping in the us and can't it was gonna give you that type of action My brothers, I love these guys iron dragon tv. I was watching it today. I didn't watch any of the movies I just want to see how it worked. This is the fucking future This is nano tech laying it down for you bitches

They sponsor fighters this iron dragon tv dot com you press them what joey or church And you get two free movies to start off it on your rogue coup They're gonna have fun things on satyrs. I'm not allowed to tell you listen. They got classic marsh light They got it man series. They got the fucking a life of a ninja. They got donnie yin. They got chow young fat They don't have bruce leak. How suck away. Why you tell them why why you lying to people? They may have bruce lee with the oney. I'm sorry. Remember when they had like 22 bruce lee's? You know the chinese they they're all cousins too. Fuck it iron dragon tv donnie yang chow young fat Go to iron dragon tv right now. Do me the favor. Everybody here's a martial artist

We all love that old classic shit press them what joey or church boom and you get two free movies Who's better than fucking you cocksuckers? All right, we're not gonna put this out till like thursday morning. So hope you enjoyed it Nikki s who's better than you the best story on hollywood. No, you guys are better than me Fuck this shit with all these suicide kings. It's all over when we leave here. I'm calling you monday. We're writing your story I'm gonna play one of the guys I'm gonna play one of the guys that slips and falls you take him to the hospital. You help him out Lee, what's up with you cocksucker? You're selling shirts. You got the blog. We lost 70 pounds. He's been walking

Are you serious? Yeah, and that's five months. Thank you. That is fan. That's fantastic I'm trying I put on 25 pounds since the pilot. Did you really oh It's so easy when you're working in it. I never that's that's what killed me I was always a bit like that but like when I went to school in boss and I walked around I came out here and was in an office started dating the mexican woman You're a fucking jew. You guys got the worst fucking died in the world. So you started dating the mexican chicken You went bananas. Yeah, of course You started eating pussy and enchiladas and you couldn't fucking stop. Okay, and your pussy and your pussy. That's what happened

This guy's a filthy jew, you know these jews They try to be all right around jewish chicks, but once they get around a port-a-rique on our fucking yam broad They lose their fucking mind. I did not know that about the jewish people. Yeah, my girlfriend before this one was black He's a freak these jews. You've never never dated a jewish girl for what? No, I don't think so. No I've dated many jewish girls in my life. They're lovely people another wonderful girls. The jews don't like it's like me I'm cuban. I would never date a cuban chick. They drive me crazy. See i'm italian. I married a beautiful italian Did you really love that nice and copacetic red hair? No, but old school When I when I had red hair you have red hair. It was all burning. I was actually quite delightful to look at back

You're one of those red italians. Yeah, not anymore. No, I'm a big fat You're beautiful, man. Thank you very much. You got a beautiful story. You got balls of steel Something a lot of people forgot in this fucking country. Thank you. No your success does not surprise me. It's balls, brother I had a lot of good fortune, but thank you for having me on stay black Do you gots brothers coming up next lisa? Yeah, get it together. We're going to come you store. What are we doing? Okay, let's go. We got it going five minutes. So get it together. I love you guys stay black. Put that music What's the music? Uh, we're playing the Beatles, but I have to read the ads first. All right. Take your time, but here we are Show is brought to you by onant.com use code word church to get 10 off of any of the great products

Like alpha brand new mood shumtech immune shumtech sport Show is also brought to you by naturebox.com. Oh, you didn't we didn't talk about nature box Oh, shit. What the fuck nature box? Why are you sitting there like a fucking mook on the other side? Stop going to your went to the lunch thing at work with that glass with all those potato chips and Saturated fat. You don't need that shit. Go to nature box.com. You know why because everything is free at nature box That's how we're doing it today Free bitch is free. You're saying Joe. How's it gonna be free? They're gonna send you five packages of nutritious snacks whether it's the chocolate bonbons whether it's the fucking

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Don't forget to go to nature box.com and sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting Healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbeque kettle kernels go to nature box.com Slash joey. That's nature box.com slash joey Thank you to iron dragon tv.com. It's a new roku channel. You get to use covert joey or church and you get two free rentals They have the it man series and it's uh compatible with the 4k technology The 4k no the 4k technology comes back in january. Okay Lastly the show is brought to you by meet undies.com Go to meet undies.com slash joey and you're gonna get 20 off of great men and women's underwear

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