Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #233 - Joey Diaz, Dean Delray and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: November 25, 2014

Dean Delray, Comedian and Host of the Let There Be Talk podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code words joey or church for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Overdose - AC/DC I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Achile's Last Stand - Led Zeppelin Recorded on 11/24/2014

I don't have any sound, is that right? No, no, you don't need it. Oh yeah, cause no, I mute it for the ads. Yeah, there I am, there I am. I don't hear Joey though. There's Joey. Go ahead. Okay, this show is brought to you by onit.com.

Go to onit.com and use Cobra Church to get 10% off of any of their products, Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport. Joey uses the strong bone to help with his knee. And the Alpha Brain today. And the Alpha Brain Cobra Church to get 10% off. The show is also brought to you by hitesigs.com. Let's hit the letter esigs.com.

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They have t-shirts. They do Los Gumbis Hermanos. Naileditlife.com, Cobra Joey Diaz to get 20% off. And again, welcome to irondragontv.com. That's irondragontv.com. Right now, if you use Cobra Joey, you're gonna get two free rentals. That's two free rentals.

It's a Roku channel of all the best martial arts movies. They have the It Man series, a lot of kung fu movies. Again, it's a Roku channel. Use Cobra Joey to get two free rentals. Are you kidding me or what? Monday, November 24th, the day the devil was buried in sea, fucked in the ass, and they beat him in the head

with his own fucking pitchboard. That's how we're running it right now. Cocksuckers, the church welcomes Dean Delray, Lee Syat's in the house, telling me Jewish fucking stories. I am. But here you go, motherfuckers. It's Monday night. Kick that bitch up, Lee.

Kick that motherfucker up, Lee. Little Angus Young, early on. Yeah. I love this a lot. They're not fucking around. I never smoke with no cigarettes. They're not fucking around. This guy was like 150 fucking years old

with the Singaporean sky. The rest of the band was 18. Listen to this shit. Are you kidding me? Yeah, get that fucking bong. It's time to jump out the window, Cocksucker. A shout out to the brothers in Ferguson. Brothers gonna work it out.

Shit. Oh, man. Are you fucking kidding me? Lee, kick that, because this is a solo. His motherfucker's got to know about it. Get it together, Cocksuckers. Fuck you when that faggot music you listen to today. Break this motherfucker out.

Go Angus, Cocksucker. Listen to this shit. It's too fucking fun. I'm gonna have to go get a $7 bag of heroin tonight. I gotta go get a $7 bag of heroin. And I gotta find an arid. You know what I'm saying? We're going deep tonight.

What's happening, baby boy? I got the Bond Squad tattoo. Do you really? Yeah. You're that fucking, oh my god. You're fucking beautiful. You are fucking beautiful. Without that guy, I'm dead.

He was a tremendous man. Somebody called me the other day and asked me who named the top three front men. And I brought up Bond Squad. And they're like, ah, he's no Freddie Mercury. I go, you know what? Oh, was that Don Barris? No, I got the same fucking Bond Squad.

August 4th of 1979, I was a young kid, opening up for Ted Nugent. I saw the same tour. Weekend Warriors at Madison Square Garden. He was amazing. That's when he went out in the audience. And he fucking did the whole thing on Angus. People would lose their, that was way before the pit,

the whole fucking thing. Stinky people jumping up and down. That was way before that. And then I saw him next year on Back in Black, right? It was amazing. It was like the guy died on my birthday, February 19th. And they had a new singer and they were ready to rock. I think they were opening for Judas Priest when I saw him.

I saw a priest, I had to say fucking 15 times. Yeah, I said, I'm sorry. I saw a priest, I had to say fucking 15 times. Yeah, I saw a priest too. And I heard that the one that were in town two weeks ago, they were just phenomenal. I was there. Oh man, I couldn't believe it.

There was, I went because I did the Nokia Center two nights before with the Russell Peters. So I'm backstage and there's like the GEM. So I go, yeah, I really want to see priest. And two minutes later, they gave me this fucking envelope with seats and passes and shit. So I took Danny from the store. Oh, yeah, I said, we're going to priest

and we're going in fucking luxury. And man, they came on and they played like Jawbreaker, you know, jawbreaker fucking killing, man. And love bites. They did a lot of stuff off the defenders of the faith record. That's when I jumped off the wagon. By that time I was bugging people. By that time it was, I think I was there for,

I had not to the highway and I was done. So they had the point entry record. That's the first time I saw them. And then the one after that, what was the one after? Had not to the highway. I got none to lose. That was it. That's point entry after that.

Solar Angels. Yeah, I was done by that time. By that time I was way done. I was on. Solar Angels is amazing. That's what they used to open up with. That's when they opened up and they came out of the box. They had to help the cop their way.

Listen, I, it was November. I didn't know anything about anything. And a friend of mine had a hat that said, Jesus Christ, but in that Jesus Christ, it said Judas Priest. Right. And I go, what the fuck is that? And the next day we were in study hall.

And the next day he brought me an eight track of Unleashed in the East. And I went home and threw that motherfucker on. And there was, I didn't understand. Like I was still into, I was still in love with the Son of Man is the same. That was it. I came home and then by that time,

when this kid Steve had given me this cassette or eight track, whatever, I went home and I heard, I was blown the fuck away. Yeah. The center. The center. Green man, Alicia.

And then victim of change. Just, just all that shit. Exciter. And I love that. Stand back from Exciter. Oh my God. So I was really fucking, and I never told the story.

I was really fucking depressed. It was two weeks after my mom died. It was the week before, it was the weekend after Thanksgiving. That Saturday after Thanksgiving. And my friends were gonna go see Paris, blah, blah, blah, you wanna come? And I'm like, nah.

And at six o'clock I go, what the fuck is wrong with me? They're playing at the Palladium. Going to see a band at the Palladium was like, going to the main room at the comedy store. That's what it was like. Going to the main room. It's small. Small.

They had a, you know, they had 2,000 seats. But you know, it was a movie theater with 2,000 seats. And I went over there by myself and I got tickets for 20 bucks. And I went in and they came out of the fucking motorcycle. And that was 79. November 29th, 1979. That motherfucker pulled off with a motorcycle.

And during the center, he whipped out a whip. And started just whipping. It was whipping the tank. I was, I left there, I didn't know what to do. And I had a little bit of blow. And I took the bus over. In those days, the bus dropped me off on Boulevard East. Where I got mugged.

Where I tried to mug the gay guy. I think he was gay. He was a pervert. And he beat the shit out of me. And I walked up that block. And I got into an altercation that night. I got into an altercation. I got into an argument with a guy about abroad.

I had bumped into somebody who was cheating. Yeah. I bumped into a guy that was cheating with a girl. That was a friend of a friend of mine. And I walked past him and I thought about it. I was by the book that, like I didn't like that shit at all. And I walked back and I went off on her.

And I remember how scared I was that I was gonna fight this kid. But I didn't give a fuck. I called her a bitch, a fucking whore. You know, he's in fucking a bar right now working to take you out during the week. And here you are doing this. And the next day they turned it into like two days later.

By the time I got to high school that Monday, they had turned it into almost domestic violence. And it really wasn't. Like they was all, I pushed her. I didn't push this chick. I just went back and I go, you know what, you should be ashamed of yourself and you, you're a fucking whore.

I mean, I just, I had a little, I had a little, oh, I had a little coke left in my system. And that girl didn't talk to me for maybe two years. Her and the guy broke up. She went to the guy and told him something different. And I went to the guy and looked in his eye and go, this is what really happened. They were holding hands.

I saw them. Don't fucking tell me. In fact, until this day, that guy that I went on, they're still around. And when I go back every once in a while, he posts something on Facebook type of cute and I just shout him the fuck down. He still hangs out with some of my friends.

The name is Tommy. Nobody remembers that though. How like I just went off. And then years later, that dumb chick came up to me. It was cold out. It was really cold out. And I had a, and she was drinking vodka and iced tea. This is in high school.

This is how pissed off I still am. She isn't for a lot of them. And whenever I do the Miami improv, they threaten me that they're all gonna come down and see me and I tell them no Christians allowed. Fuck you bitches. And they stop. They won't come.

But this dummy one night, I just get out there. I just get out. It's gotta be 10 after eight. And I see her with like three other girls and I'm with another guy. And they're like, well, you guys going, we're going over here. And she had a bottle of vodka and a nice tea.

By this time, I still hate this girl. Like I had, at this age, I just hated you. If you did something stupid, there was no, I'm sorry. And I saw her, yeah, she was done. And she came up to me and she was like, she said something, she was trying to be nice. And I go, what's that on your jacket? I didn't know you were chilly or something.

And I did something like, I didn't know you were chilly. And when I walked away about three minutes later, she threw one of the iced teas on me. Just fucking threw it on my new jacket. And I go, fuck this bitch. I saw her. She kept drinking and she kept putting an iced tea on the floor, but by that time the iced tea

was a little frozen. And I went behind the tiptoe and I took the iced tea and I poured it over her fucking head. And I saw the icicles freezing up on her head and she came back and we didn't talk till 82. And then I see her at Coke dealers' house and everything was all right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

When you see somebody at the dealers' house, once you see somebody at the dealers' house, everything's forgiven. You know what? You weren't supposed to see me here. I wasn't supposed to see you there. What's up, Lisa? Yeah, what the fuck you been?

I've been here, but I watched something. You told me to watch it. Did I watch that Ari Lang on Howard Stern? I wanted to get your opinion on two things. First thing was, I've dealt with some people who have been addicts in my life and a lot of them are masters of talking their way out of trying to convince people that it's not as bad as it seems.

And at that point, Ari had only been clean for like seven months. If you look it up, it's like already, I don't know, already does heroin in something. It's like 30 minutes long, 40 minutes long. Were you like that too? Or could you talk your way out of any? Anything.

Really? Anything. And when I got in the situation, I was talking my way out just so I could get high. You have no idea when somebody squashes your eye. Like when you have plans about getting high and somebody's good, you have plans. Sure, you don't want nobody to know how deep you really are.

Was it already back on drugs? No, not now. It was back when he was still on the show, but he told me to watch the video. Classic radio. Classic radio. I never, guys, I never was into fucking radio. I knew he was fucked up.

I knew Ari was fucked up. 14 years ago, when I got a call, Christmas week, like a heavy up call to go and audition for the Kevin Nielsen show, because they thought about firing him. So I sat there with Nick Topolo, Rocky LaPorte, it must have been eight of us, that they were just gonna pick up

because they thought he was crazy already. His book's amazing. The first one, Too Fat to Fish. That's the one, it's right before that came out. I just opened for him about a month ago at the E-mail's care. How was his special? His special just came out. I haven't had a chance to watch it yet.

He had bits and pieces that are pretty funny. He's sarcastic. But then you watched a video. Did it seem like you were being mean to him? Like I felt bad for him. Like Howard and that black chick. When people can't, listen, it's good radio. They wanna get to the bottom of it.

Tell me what happened. And he kept pissing around it. Well, I went to this pool league. I went down the shoe pool, nobody knows. That's how you talk. Everything is subtle. It wasn't asking questions, but it was like, they, like the rob and the black was like,

oh, I knew you were doing it. And then they went around and followed him around with a camera afterward. Like, is this gonna be the time that you're clean? And I can only imagine like seven days into being off heroin, you don't really want a camera stuck in your face. We don't even know if he was really off. That's true.

You have no idea. You have no idea and you pack your stories and you become a master of bullshit when you're addicted. I love the guy. I'm not putting them down. I love the guy. No, yeah, you were on the show. And when I called you and told you to watch this,

I called you because I thought it was brilliant radio. It was really, he's got two of them on there where they break them down for heroin. And it's brilliant radio. It's brilliant fucking radio, man. I had never seen it and I wanted you to see it. That was it. It was no, no.

I thought it was interesting. It was just painful. It was painful. You could feel this pain and you could feel the lies and you could feel. I had to shut it off. That's what you want me to tell you. I had to shut it off.

I couldn't watch the whole thing because I was there. I put myself there. When you're there, you know, that's when, that's why I liked the interview. How many conversations have you had like that? When someone's like talking to you about your drug use? 55. And it'd be somebody really, you know,

off color that would talk to me towards the end of the night. And I would get steamed the more and more they talked. They wouldn't know how lucky they were. They wouldn't know like I would be seething inside. I mean, I either walk away or I'd say something. I have friends I didn't talk to for two or three weeks because of bringing shit up. Like, you know what, just knock it off.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about rehab. Don't worry about nothing. You know, I got this. We all think we have this, but we really don't. I was the same way with my weight. If anybody had told me, I would used to get pissed off. Yeah, you get defensive.

You get very defensive and you can't. You have to see the source. That's what would piss me off. It's the source. It's not what you say. It's how you say it in those situations. It's very tender, you know? Did you ever do drugs, D?

Oh, completely. How long have you been cleaning sober for now? Well, I'm not cleaning sober in about 92. I just set them out. Okay. But mad piles of blow. You still drink it away? No. Nothing, nothing.

No, what happened was I burned it up probably a good 10 years straight. I'm just cocaine and vodka and red hooks, you know? And then, like my voice was starting to take a toll. You know? The cocaine destroys your voice. The cocaine destroys your voice. It destroys your voice.

Oh, God, yeah. Oh, please, yeah. Booze and cigarettes. People think, oh, that guy sounds great. And he smokes and stuff. That doesn't faze your voice, man. Your voice is your voice. But cocaine and no sleep will wipe your voice out

immediately, because a lot of things that happen are when you're on Coke, now you're talking way louder. Yeah, man. Well, come on, come on, come on, all night about dumb bullshit about going to Disneyland next week. We're going to ride that, you know, that ride or whatever, just dumb shit. And you're talking and talking and talking

and your voice just gets trashed. And then you don't sleep. And then you're going out singing and it's over with. For me, my voice would drop. That's how you knew I did a blast. My throat would close. It closes every time.

I would whisper just because I wanted you to whisper. So I would whisper so you whispered. In my mentality, if I whispered, you would. What? Yeah, why would you want them to whisper? Because I don't want to hear loud talking. I don't want to hear loud fucking people. I didn't want him to hear what we were talking about.

That's so interesting. Always answered people one answer questions. If you ask me a question that would require more than a yes or a no, you're not going to get an answer from me when I was coked up. Was this the entire time you did it or towards the end when you wanted to be alone? This is the last 10 or 15 years.

In the beginning, I didn't shut the fuck up. And then you realize if you talk, you got to listen. So if you're going to tell somebody an hour story, then you got to put up with an hour with their story while they're holding on to the mirror. You know, let me tell you what happened. You're like, let me get the line, all right? Enough.

You're usually the dealer has the story. So you have to listen to him to get the line. It's like fishing, man. So it's really interesting that, and then you would bring women home. And like I told them the great Fitzsimonsy, and we were here, that is painful because then they start opening up about family

and you want to fuck them in the ass. And also they tell you how they blew the neighbor when they were eight and they fucked this. And you're like, I don't think I want you around. Yeah, I never did Coke with chicks around. Here's the rule with me. Like I had a girlfriend for seven years and I'd be on these three, four day benders.

And she just figured out I was out with women. Now man, I was doing dumb shit, like bowling and talking about rock and roll and watching MTV. And it was new back then and VHS tapes of like Judas Priest live or anything. No chicks around because Coke would wipe my dick out. Like something. And once you know it and you're done with them.

Once you come to terms with it, you're not going to get a hard on. And now you're going to sit there and you're going to be naked for three hours and you're going to eat a pussy and you're going to run that Coke, you know what? Fuck it. How about we eliminate the middle man,

let's leave her at home, I'll stay in my room, I jerk off, maybe watch a little porn, maybe if it's available, something on showtime and send them back and go to sleep. I did a lot of dumb shit like that. My dealer had foosball. So it'd be like a six hour foosball tournament for hundreds of dollars.

You know, just, you know, battling foos and your arms all fucked when you leave. But you know, just hanging with dudes, talking and rocking and playing guitar and shit. No women around. It was just Coke for it. So what made you stop? Cause Joey has a similar story.

He just stopped. He didn't go to rehab or anything. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was, my voice was starting to get shot and I had three other guys in the band. And it was like, you know, when you're the singer and everybody's surviving, you can't go up. I can't sing.

Now nobody's paying bills. So they're like, what the fuck are you doing below for? When you know your voice is going to be fucked up. You know, so, and also I was describing the pain to somebody of what like a bad throw feels like. Like when you hear about singers like Adele or Stephen Tyler or anybody where they get vocal nodes. That's like calluses on your vocal cords.

It feels like a hundred pound weights on your throat. So you're like, I got to get rid of this, you know? So that is bummer. What happens when the expression, your voice goes, let me get a little done over there. Let me see what you got in the bag of life. Like let's take an example. Chris Cornell.

Yeah. Okay. I saw Chris Cornell early on. I don't know what year it was. And his voice sounded great, but it was a small place. Right. And I saw him in 97 before I left Seattle. Yeah.

And it wasn't good. And I'm like, is this the H? Is this the blow? And then I saw him on Sign That Live. It's on YouTube though, down on the upside. Yeah. Oh God. Oh God, his voice is bad.

And now Chris's voice is a little back. Yeah. But it's not all back. He has to sing a different style now to describe what happens. What happens to your voice? Well, you got to think about when you're writing those tunes

and recording them, you're 20, 21 years old, you're not thinking when I'm 55, I'm going to be singing hands all over. You know how that is like, hands all over. You know, you're not thinking about that. You're thinking, I can sing high and I'm going to fucking show you guys, I can sing high though.

Obviously they're kind of zeppelin' Sabbath back then. And so you sing high. You're not like who thought Brian Johnson was going to sing back in black at 60 years old? You're not thinking that, you know? So you're in the studio and you're singing and also you got to understand when you're in the studio, it's so fucking easy to sing.

You got phones on, you can hear everything's perfect and you're like, back in black, hit the sand. Back in all, I'm glad to be back. Well, that's how loud as you're singing. Now when you're in a fucking arena and it's crazy loud, this is pre, any or monitors, now most singers use those. You just have shitty speakers on the floor

and you're going over Marshall stacks that are like fucking locomotives and you're trying to sing on top of that. So your voice just gets trashed, you know? And no sleep, air conditioning, buses, travel, interviews, over and over and over. Smoke, like the fake smoke, you know? That shit, oh, I hate that stuff.

What does air conditioning do? Cause I used to work on a TV show where the host would come in to do voiceovers and he loved the booth really cold. But then I've heard a lot of people like it really warm. Well, some people it dries out their throat. Some people it doesn't. But AC can dry out your throat, different climates, you know?

You can get into like Arizona and shit and be, you know, all dry, you know, wherever. Everything, the problem with singing is it's your body. Guitar is to its hands, but that takes years to go, you know? Like you get carpal tunnel or something. But with singing, it's completely your body and you want to get up and running like the band and party all night and talk and, you know, and you can

if you're going to keep going. I mean, these bands like AC DC, if you look at their tour on Back in Black, they played like a solid year every fucking day. There's no day off once that record hits. You don't get to go, I need four days off. They go, no man, it doesn't happen because there's too much money lost on days off.

Hotels, tour bus, you know, cruise, everything. And you said you toured for four years straight once. Three years, yeah. But that's band stuff and you can plot it out your own way. You know what I mean? Oh, okay, so it's not every night? It's every night, but you're not like, that's a larger scale.

You know, those guys could be doing three interviews a day in the morning, like when we do comedy and you got to go do morning radio, imagine you got to do morning radio, then afternoon radio, then you go sound check, then you do the gig, then maybe you got to get right on the bus. You don't sleep right away on the bus. You're wide awake, jacked from the gig,

and then you roll into town six a.m., back to radio, some more radio, a sound check, you know, after a while, you're like, fuck, I'm tired right now from doing comedy, you know? And that's not even like, you know, rock. Rock also, you have mad volume. Shit is so fucking loud on stage and you're out there just trying to get above it.

Very interesting what you said that when you sing, it's your whole body. I feel the same way about fucking comedy sometimes. It's true. When I headline five shows, Friday night, when I go back to my room, I'm stiff. It's like I played in a football game. Really?

Yeah, it's your whole fucking body. I feel my toes holding onto the floor. I feel my spine in action, my mind stinking. I'm speaking on a certain volume. It's really, people think, you know, I come home on Sunday, I have a week, you know, I'm 51. I don't have Sundays in me. I don't have a Wednesday in me.

I don't, I don't have that show on Wednesday. A couple of weeks ago, I got greedy when I was home a week and I called and I got all these spots. By Sunday, my blood pressure was 2,000 because I'm getting home at 12, staying up till one, you're jacked 130 and then you're getting up at six with the baby and you're doing it all over again. You're writing, you're doing a podcast,

you're talking to this guy, you're talking to that guy. It adds the fuck up. When I go on the road now, I try to keep it light. Friday and Saturday, I got two shows. I don't wanna be walking around, I don't wanna go to no fucking events. I don't wanna do nothing because I know that whatever I do is gonna take away from my show.

I'm gonna be tired, I'm not gonna sell a joke the right way cause my knee hurts. So I don't want that to happen. Does the voice thing come into effect? Cause you scream, you don't scream but you're loud, you're not a quiet person on stage. You know, you're breathing and you're thinking and that requires fucking calories and the rest.

It's amazing. It really does. In the last month, I feel like I'm falling apart. It's weird and I've never felt like this but I'm working seven days a week, I'm 48 and in the last, seriously in the last month, my knees hurt but my brain, I feel foggy lately and I don't know what that is.

Like I'm just like. I stay a couple of days off. You don't mind, need to go get entertained. You need to go see Judas Priest one night. See a movie. A couple movies, just watch some people walk by and fall and your mind gets refueled. Your mind gets refueled when you do the dumbest shit.

So I watched a movie in my hotel room. I hate doing it but I did it. 16 fucking dollars. But I did it because I know this is what I need to be good at night. I need to watch a couple law and orders. I need to take my mind off what I'm doing. If you ask a Major League Baseball player

before he has a game, what do you want to do? He wants to do something completely opposite than that game. You want to listen to some music, maybe watch a TV show, so now when it's time, your mind is perplexed and focused and ready to fucking blow up. If you're sitting there thinking about it, you're wasting that energy.

You're burning energy. If you're just sitting there watching the UFC, cheering for a fight with your mind somewhere else, it's so much better for you. At least this is what I feel. So do you have worse sets? Like when you started out, if you were going over your set list

and going over jokes. When I first started out, until about 15 years ago, I hadn't figured it out. A great lady once told me on game shows, on game day, I don't do dick before the show. Really, you don't want to go eat dinner, no. And I was like, that's amazing. She goes, and I thought about it.

And every time I go meet people, they eat dinner at six. I bombed the first show. You know, it's supposed to be eating dinner, talking. And then they're asking you stupid questions. Tell us about LA. What's the auditioning process? And you're talking, and you're talking, and you're talking.

And you're talking, that's not. Now you get on stage and you're unfocused. You're in entertainment. You were entertaining. Yeah. So when I go to dinner, you call me up and go, my family wants to take you out to dinner. I'm entertaining.

They're asking me fucking questions. How was it working with Denero? How was it working with Adam Sandler? So I'm entertaining. Yeah. So now I gotta do three fucking shows. So now the people who are paying to see me, I'm bombing in front of them.

Because I'm tired from talking with these jerk-offs for dinner, about nothing. So what's your perfect day on the road then? Perfect day on the road is, on a Friday morning, I get up, I do a little radio. I go back, I get stoned, I take a nap. Right? On the way to radio, I might eat a little breakfast,

maybe before I get a little breakfast. On the way back, I get stoned. I don't want to do no fucking podcasts. I don't want to do shit. Yeah, always get hit. Yeah, I get up at two o'clock. I'm done with podcasts. When I leave here on Wednesday, I'm done with podcasts, okay?

Now, then comes fucking on Friday. I get up around two, I go downstairs, I eat lunch somewhere very close. Somewhere very close, and the way back, I smoke a joint, I drink a cup of coffee. Now I have an hour to sit down and go over my material for the night. Go over, maybe something I said to laugh at you,

something I'll call you, and go, what did I say the other night at the store, and you're telling me, that's what I'm doing. My food's digesting. So about 4.30, I go to the gym, I ride the bike, I lift some fucking weights, I jump in the pool, you might steam and sauna, you're back upstairs by six o'clock.

Now you got an hour, you're coming upstairs, you watch a little news, maybe at 6.30 you go upstairs, you wash your pussy, seven o'clock you're ready to fucking go, you sit there till 7.30, you take a cab, or they come get you. That's it, I don't want to see nobody, huh? You don't eat dinner before show? No, I don't want to see nobody,

I don't want to eat, I don't want to talk to nobody. Oh, no, I just meant by your seat. Yeah, yeah, me and myself, the whole time. There's no reason to be talking. I'm sitting there, I'm preparing, I got two fucking shows, I got to go talk, entertain 250 fucking people's show, for two shows minimum, what am I going to go do? Who do you want to go talk to?

I go do my two shows, now Friday for me is a big night, that's a big night, I come home, I take sleeping pills, because I want to sleep 15 hours, because Saturday night I'm not going to sleep, I'm going to get on that fucking plane at five in the fucking morning, and get the fuck out of there. So, Friday night there's no partying, there's no drinking, there's no nothing.

Once the show's over, I go back, I may get something, I may not get something. More than life, I won't get something to eat, but I get a nice coffee, strong, and I'll stay up till two, and right, and go on my show, and think of what I said, and what I thought of, and law and order's on, or something stupid, and about two o'clock,

I take two fucking sleeping pills, and I want to sleep till 9, 9, 30, 10, I want to get up, eat breakfast, and if I'm lucky enough, smoke a joint, come back, and take another fucking nap till 12, oh, one. And the same thing, I get up, now today I work out different, I go to the pool and swim.

Something, again, somewhere light, eat dinner, and you're in your room, I'm packing. By five o'clock, I'm already packing, so when I leave at 7.30, when I come back at 12, nothing. All I gotta do in the morning is put my sleep apnea away, take a shower, wash my pussy, drink a cup of coffee, take my vitamins, and go to the airport. How would you describe the road,

because it's, I know it's business for you, so you can't really look at it this way, but it sounds, I don't know if this sounds mean, but just boring, like if you were in a city, you might want to go see a baseball game or go. I used to have a lot of fun on the road. There was a time when you went on the road with your musicians, you were new to it,

it was fun, you were slash. That's right. You drink, you're snorting coke, you're going up there, maybe you had some musical sets. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you didn't, maybe you're going through growing pains. My first 10 years on the road were growing pains, we're learning, and you learn, and you learn,

and you learn, and don't get me wrong, until seven years ago, I would go on the road to fucking get high. I'm gonna lie to you and tell you, it was nothing different, but even then I took care of myself a little bit. I didn't really get myself involved, like I didn't go to people's houses at the club, somebody brought me to blow,

and right from the blow to the hotel room. Yeah, I don't go to people's houses. No, no houses, no parties. They're always trying to get you to go to their house. Yeah, to their house, no, because then I wake up at six in the morning, I don't know where the fuck I am. Yeah, they might get a pass.

In a strange city. No, no, see you guys tomorrow. Again, what do you want to do? I came to the show, and I want to see where you're staying, listen, there's what's going on. I got a grandma blow on my body. But if we go back to the hotel, I suppose we get on the put you to work.

I have a boyfriend, and stay here and wait for your fucking boyfriend. I'll go home and jerk off by myself, and that's it. It's that simple, that's what it used to be. And I learned a lot going on the road with Joe. Joe would call me, but if you want to go work out, what are you talking about? Bye, click, hang up on him.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What's the fucking work out? I'm in the road, what work out? I'm about to order the three fire macaroni and cheese. I'm gonna get myself a strong sandwich and a milkshake. You want to go fucking work out, what the fuck? Just a fucking death machine. And then they used to go on the road at first,

and there used to be a lot of us. And I didn't like that, I never liked that. I don't like boys' bands, I don't like six people hanging out. But that's the way it was. And then I raised my hand, and he went on tour, and then it changed. I didn't like getting up at one. They always wanted to go to a fucking mall.

What am I, fucking 16? You know, Rogan and Tate, daddy, let's go to a mall. What the fuck, go to a fucking mall. So people are like, that's the guy from Fear Factor, and five guys are standing around. Ha ha ha ha. Fuck you in the fucking mall. I'm gonna go to a fucking mall.

So I stopped going to a mall with those motherfuckers. And I learned that the least I was fucking around the daytime, and the more I was by myself and in my head, the better I would do at night. The more I was at it, and you know when you're in your head, I love Lee. I love when Lee goes on the road with me, but I don't. I never see him.

I don't want nobody on the road. Yeah, yeah. I'm like on the road, and I leave on Thursday. As much as I like it, you need the money, you want me to take it, I'll take it. But I gotta be honest with you, I don't wanna see nobody. I don't know what the fuck you're doing the daytime. I don't wanna go to museums.

And when that was Bobby Lee, I never saw him once. No, I don't wanna do nothing. And I never even took, cause I didn't, the one, like whenever I go to a show, I don't wanna be in the way, just, but I know you like talking in the green room and stuff, but like when we went to Austin, I never called you for like, I didn't know what your,

I knew kind of what your process was, but people would text me and be like, how's the road, I'm like, I'm watching TV. I went and walked around the area for a second, but I didn't ever like, I didn't expect us to be hanging out all day. Like I just, I thought that would have been weird. It's just something I got over.

Yeah. And as you move along, you realize that it's a waste of your energy. I'm about to do two shows, people fucking paid to come see me. Well, what it is too is your life, what people don't understand is for about six hours of your life, you're in front of about five

to a thousand people, strangers. And you're on, just, oh yeah, thanks man. Oh yeah, thanks a lot. Come, thanks for coming. Check my pictures, you're hugging people. Everything. So then the second I'm done, I run to the room and just chill, decompress all the way to the bottom.

Just like, shoo man. And if I don't grab these personal times, I'm gonna run out of gas. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I shouldn't have fucking told that. But that's my problem. Sometimes a guy will be like, hey man, I know you're good with eBay,

can you maybe help me with this? Or, hey, can you get my car face? Cause I know all kinds of people. And then I get into that and then I go, fuck, I need a nap and I'm fucked here. You know, whatever, not just on the road, but in town or whatever. And I'm doing three, four spots a night in town.

And I'm going, fuck, I'm fucked here. I didn't get any sleep today. I gotta have sleep, man, it's weird. I'm 48, but I feel 90 because I'm working seven days a week. Even with rock, you didn't work seven days a week. You didn't work like four, five. And, you know, it's different. You got different.

You're out. I see you. You're at the lab right here. And that's what it takes. That's what a lot of these guys don't think. When you first get to LA or you're first moving around here, it's like what they tell you when you go to, I get out of rehab, go to rehab,

you gotta go to a meeting every day for six months. Yeah, but listen, it's not gonna work out for you. If you don't go to a meeting every day for six months, and that's the first 90 days, after that I need for you to go to three fucking meetings a day. And that's when people crack. People don't know that dedication. People don't know, you know, when I got here from 97 to 2005,

I went out every night. Those 17 weeks, I was in the longest year. It was the first time I was out every night because I was in New Mexico. I was out every night, guys. I hosted on Sunday nights. You did the open mic on Monday. You did Tuesday because it was Fat Tuesday

before people in the original. And then before that, I needed my Coke money. I'd be at Felipe's, I'd be at Fly's, I'd be all over fucking town doing these Mexican rooms because they made you better. By the time I got to the store, I was gonna kill those motherfuckers because I just did two Mexican rooms

where they fucking not even paying attention to me. I had to follow Jeff Garcia or something. It's amazing. So I was out every night. Then one day I go, you know what? It's starting to, I gotta do something. You gotta pick your battles to make the scheduling. But there's one point of your career here.

Where you're here the first three or four years. You're out every night. I didn't know nothing about it, nothing about it. I wasn't gonna rest. Is it my show is on tonight, Portlandia? No! You watch Portlandia. We have a friend that lives in movie land.

What does his career do? You got no time for movies. There's no breaking bad in your life. There's no DVR. When I get home at night, I used to get to backstage when I first got here. Backstage was huge then. If you want to act, this was your way in

because agents wouldn't sign you without a reel. Didn't care what was on that reel. So you'd have to use college films. So I would buy backstage on the way home. I would stop at Curson. Yeah, yeah, get the backstage. Backstage there at 12 and I go home on Thursday night. Thursday morning and I'd fill out envelopes all night.

No editions and lick letters. And hand write, I want to be in your movie and send them. So I would get the fur because on those movies there's no budget. So don't even look at 10 people. So I always wanted to get my foot in the door at those. I'd be up till four licking envelopes. Do and blow, but I'd be licking envelopes at the same time.

And then you get up and it's the same. You're meeting people to write and blah, blah, blah. I didn't, I was telling somebody I threw my fitness away. When I first moved here, I was 240. I went up to 300 pounds in six months because everything was comedy. It wasn't that I didn't take care of myself. That was, I gave my life for this.

That's what I got. Ozzy Osbourne sold his soul for rock and roll. You want to fucking own comedy. You want to own an artist. You want to be a musician. You want to be a painter, a plumber, a carpenter. First five years, you got to fucking own it. You got to fucking own it.

You got to get in there. Well, I can't work Thanksgiving night because my fuck your fucking family. Fuck your fucking family. You're the second guy. If you work Thanksgiving, you might fucking get a bump. The guy will see you. That's how you move up.

Well, I've been there for three years. Well, work fucking Thanksgiving. You got to work. What the fuck? What the fuck? That's what, when some of the comic tells me, yeah, things aren't happening. I guess you got to be gay to make it Hollywood.

What are you doing next weekend? I'm going to my brother's wedding. You know what I'm doing? I'm doing nine spots in town. That's why nothing's happening for you because they come out here and it's a fucking jokey joke. Let's go to the improv and hang. They ain't no hanging.

They ain't no hanging. They ain't no hanging, dog. If you ain't getting on stage, they ain't no hanging. Why are you gonna go out and hang and talk to who? You hang on stage. Once you hang on stage, you give your goodbyes, you get your free dinner when you're broke, because when you're broken,

they give you a free cheese burger. You take that fucking burger. You don't miss that burger. I ate one last night there. Yeah, that's the point of doing the spot there. Absolutely. Is to get your fucking free meal. That's all comes with it.

When I'm doing an improv, I don't spend money the whole day. I just starve it out till I get there. That's what a fucking comic does. Yeah, because I know I'm going to eat, I can eat as much as I want there. When you walk into the comedy store, the cherry's fucking flinch. If you walk by the bar and the cherry's like,

I'm going down, you're a real fucking comic. You understand me? I heard a great thing from a buddy of mine. He said, Jay Moore said that, Jay Leno said, they said, hey man, how'd you get like, somewhere at the comedy store back in the day? And he said there was four comedians in line always. First one got out of line for a drink.

The next one got out of line for a joint. The next one got out of line for pussy. And I stepped on stage. And it was an amazing scenario. Because when I'm at the places, I'm not there to party. And I'm not there to seek out anything except stage time. Well, that comes with age and experience. Right, right.

You sit right through the bullshit. Right. While they come in, they're like, let's do a drink. I'll be right back. Let's get two drinks. Get a jack and coke, too. And I'm going to call for heroin. I'm going to go back, shut this fucking moron.

And you just keep walking. Just keep walking. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great job. Get the fuck out of here. You get in your car, and you go to the next thing. You do another spot. And there's always the people that are going to be hanging out. What the fuck?

Yeah. Go take care of your business first, then come back. That was my motto. I went and took care of business first. And I started coke. And I got my dick sucked. And I looked out windows. But I went and did my two or three spots first.

Yeah, you can do anything after you've worked. After you work, you do whatever the fuck you want. Because then your conscience is clear. I did what I had to do. That's why they call it work. Because nobody wants to fucking do it, you know what I'm saying? How'd you get into music? How old were you?

Now, you're from the Bay Area? Yeah, I got into music when I was a. You know, I used to work at Rockin' Robbins. Really? At San Francisco in 1985. Wow. What's Rockin' Robbins? It was a rock and roll bar that the lights,

Cadillacs, were all up in the wall, grills. And the lights would go on. Did they sing in there, the waiters? It was the 50s bar, right? Yeah, something weird. I worked on Mondays as a doorman. Did you live in the city? I lived in the Tenderloin in 1985.

Did you do comedy there? Not at all. I was robbing people there. I was cashing in the Travelers checks in Japan town for the Cubans. I was a bodyguard. I was selling blow. I did.

Excuse me. I did everything. In fact, the other night I read something. I told people on stage that I lived everywhere bad. And one of the worst places bad I've ever seen in the Tenderloin. And in the end, there was an article, sadly. A bunch of guys were heckling a chick.

The guy stuck up for his girl, and they stabbed him nine times. They don't fuck around the Tenderloin. I would tell you something. The Tenderloin still is not going to. I was just there because we were doing the Warfield. And that's the Ground Zero Turk Street and all that in there. It's the Ground Zero of just ghetto. And here we're talking about a city where a studio costs

$2,200 right now. You know what I mean? But they'll never, and I mean never, be able to charge good money for the Tenderloin. Because the roaches and the fucking stench and the death in there is never going to leave. So they're not trying to gentrify it? Oh, I'm sure they've tried.

But they just, what are you going to do? I used to go to Original Joe's right there. It just burned down. That's the one that burned down. That was the great one. They reopened it down in North Beach, which is great. But that Original Joe's was fire. Those waiters had the fucking outfits on dog.

It was straight up gangster. I had a guy, Mr. Chow. I always had a Chinese waiter in there. And I get the fucking rusty nails. I get rusty Irishmen the fucking. Do you know when you're going to San Jose next year already? July. Of course. There's one right there.

Right there? Right there next to the Fairmont. He's been there. I've taken over 3,000 there. I went there one weekend two years ago. And I think you went there like five times. You went for breakfast once. You looked up online, what time they opened,

and we planned the walk. So we'd get there right as they opened the door. And there was already a line. I'd eat there forever. I had like 10, 30, or 11 AM. I got the Slim Joe burger. They got the Joe burger. Then they had the Slim Joe or the Joe Jr.

And it was on a baguette. Fresh baguette. And they cut it in half. They put mayonnaise on that burger. That's so fucking great. And I usually don't like mayonnaise on my fucking burgers. They got that sidebar there that was like straight out of Bukowski or Bar Fly.

Had a bar there. He'd just sit in there in the dark. What's the 49ers play? I used to have this group of friends I hung out with. When we turned 30, we had the dirty 30. And we would meet at Original Joe's and drink in that back room and eat.

In San Jose? No, at the San Fran one. Oh, down, right there behind the, yeah. I seen a guy stabbed in front of there one time bleeding, dead, begging for people to help him. You walked right into Original Joe's? Right, I was like, man, you just step over him. You just step over him.

That's standard routine down there. I can't help you, that spaghetti is calling my name. I had just moved from New York. And I was going in there to get my spaghetti fixed every fucking day for lunch. It's so good. I would wake up knowing that I had to go out and hustle. 50 for lunch just to go to Original Joe's like a doctor.

As long as I had a meatball, I'm good to fucking go. I don't need spaghetti with this and that, or you fucking morons that ruin your spaghetti. I need spaghetti and two fucking meatballs and a piece of bread and some butter. That's it. Yeah, you know who's got a meat and spaghetti? Jones.

You eat there, Santa Monica? On Santa Monica and like La Brea? It's killer, Jones. That's the rock and roll. It's been there like for 25, 30 years, but the jukebox has the best metal. Like you're in there, they're playing Motorhead. They have a wall of Jack Daniels bottles.

And then it's all rock and roll. And then they serve spaghetti and a skillet comes out fucking just cooking. And it's killer, man. The sauce is kind of spicy, two big meatballs, and you're listening to Motorhead. You mean why you take a train down to eat fucking French food?

No, you gotta eat at this place. I go there like once a week. Jones, it's on Santa Monica by that Target that Best Buy right there. Oh, Formosa Cafe is across street from it. So it's right there. Now the weed store then. There used to be a weed store in the middle.

Yeah, there was a weed store there. That was the weed store right there. You know, man, I'm better than fucking weed maps. Yeah. I wasn't saying to you. So you started in San Francisco. What was cracking up there then? What kind of music was on fire?

I mean, that's Santana. That's a fucking beautiful area, but what was cracking for you? What made you pick up the guitar or the microphone or the drums? What was it? I mean, it's the bands that you're listening to, but then there's big club bands at the time.

The club that was the ground zero for San Fran was called The Stone. It was on 412 Broadway. It was on Broadway. Across street was the Mabue Gardens. That was the CBGBs of the West Coast. And those two clubs had all the rock and all the punk. And everyone played them.

Everyone from fucking, you know, Devo, Dead Kennedys, Jerry Garcia, Slayer, Kiss, everybody, you know, played those two rooms. And I would just hang there every fucking day. It was like my, it was my comedy store now, you know, my workshop. And there was big club bands that nobody knew, but they were stars to me, bands,

local bands that were selling it out, like Vicious Rumors or Road Runner or this band Le Mans, all these bands when I was growing up. And then Metallica came in, you know, and it became Metallica and Exodus and Laws Rockett and all this metal testament. And it really was like, once Metallica started hitting, I was like, wow, this is fucking great.

What were you doing for a living then? I had, well, I did construction, which was the fucking worst, you know, you gotta get up at like six. And I was like, that wasn't like, I was a labor, you know, carrying fucking wood up. I did that for a while, then I painted. I moved on to painting houses.

And then I got into booking the stone as a, I was like, I don't know, maybe 20. And I started booking the club because I knew all the bands I was helping. I'm like, you gotta get this band or that band. They're like, well, why don't you book the weeknights? And that's really where I got my knowledge of business, you know, which helped now with comedy.

I understand booking, I understand agencies, I understand commissions, deals, all that paperwork and everything, deposits. I learned it all as a kid. So it helped me as I played rock, I just managed the band myself because I already knew all the scams and deals and how it worked, you know?

And also when a great band came, my band opened because I booked myself on it, you know what I mean? So it was a great, it was a great learning experience. We talk a lot about, some people don't wanna start from the bottom. Yeah. It's pretty cool that a lot of musicians might not, I don't wanna work at the club and I'm a musician.

It's pretty cool that you went and you learned and it helped you out. Some people wouldn't do that job. You know, I think the thing was, to me it was like, it was a record store of that, or a guitar center, if you could be around rock and music. Yeah, we're talking about, this isn't now, where you go to Chipotle and fuckers got tattoos

on their necks and hands. And you know, back then, if you had even one tattoo, you'd have to hide it for a regular job. You couldn't have long hair, you'd have to put it up in a hat, you know? Now, you didn't just look fucking, you didn't look like a garbage can and work at Chipotle. I mean, you know, like I always say,

I don't think I got enough tattoos to work at Chipotle and I'm covered in them. So, whenever you could get a job where you could say, this is how I look and I'm gonna be gone maybe a couple of days a week, instantly to do a gig, that's the kind of gig you're looking for. You know, cause you gotta make some money

and not making any money in your band when you're starting, you know, and that's not what it's about anyway. You know, that's why a lot of rockers back then painted or did construction, cause it didn't matter what you looked like out there. There's a company out here that's called Rock and Roll Movers. Yeah. And they're just in a band and they move.

That's it, I've seen them, I've seen them. Whatever you could do back then and get away with your look, you gotta understand, hair down to your ass and tattoos, no one's hiring you, you know what I mean? What are you gonna do like work as a waiter? People are like, who is that criminal? I mean, that was actually a criminal look.

Sideburns, you know, I looked at Neil Young for a big old mutton chops and straight hair like a Greg Almond, you know? You're not getting a regular job like that, but you gotta work. But also you didn't have to work that much cause rent was like a dollar in the city back then. No one wanted to live in the city,

they wanted to live in Marin or Walnut Creek. The city was blue collar and dirty, you know? So all the artists lived in the city and rockers and painters and it was fucking fantastic. Now all the rich people want to live in the city, you know? Cause it's like, ooh, it's, you know, it's multicultural. I got a cappuccino. Yeah, it's, this is our city.

It's like, fuck man, you wanted Marin go back over there. It's crazy, man. I remember living in an amazing apartment for 275 and I had a garage in San Franton. That's like fucking 275, man. I lived at the Virginia Hotel, which is now the hostel. The hostel. And Tenderloin right there across from the Hilton.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know that. And the Alexander Hotel, that's the first hotel I rode. I mean, it's fucking crazy. I was a full blown criminal in San Francisco. My first apprenticeship being out of Jersey. What was the first band you were in? First band I was in, this is an amazing story.

I told it somewhere else, but I was in a band with four buddies. I was in high school still, they were two years out. Started this band and we named it Warrant because me and the other guy always had Warrants. Like, you know, run a stop sign, you get a ticket, you just fuck that thing. You got a warrant.

You know, fucking speeding, see you later. I'm not paying that shit. I ain't got no money. And then, you know, there'd be that tail light out. You didn't know about it and boop, boop, boop. Get pulled over and you can go in and fucking warrant. Sitting down there at 850 Bryant, San Francisco going, fuck. So we get the band together and my mom's like,

you guys should be called Warrant. You know, my mom, she was like, you guys all have warrants always. It's a great name. We're like, that is a great name. My mom was smart enough to copyright the name in Sacramento, you could copyright it for like a hundred bucks, you own the name.

And a few years later, that band Warrant got big and they came and knocking. You know, they were like, hey, their lawyer's called and said, we tracked you down. This is pre-internet or fucking cell phones. And they're like, we want to buy the name, we'll give you 750 or whatever. And we're like, no, because we were getting big.

We didn't want to give up our name. That's like starting over. You know, it can't be like, you know, the ding-dongs formally warrant. It's just starting over. It just looks hokey and we were on a fucking roll. Then they called about a month later, we'll give you 2,000. And it was me and my buddy, we're partners.

We're like, nah, it's not worth it, 2,000. We're broke, right? Then we don't hear from them like six months. And they're like, they call and they go, we'll give you 10,000 last offer. We said, no. And then they go, all right, 20, immediately we go, OK. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And we sold them the name. It was funny about seven years ago. I was in Vegas, seeing Metallica, New Year's Eve. And I didn't want to get a room, so I just stayed up all night and then caught the first flight out. And I'm sitting there on this couch, and here comes this guy. I look at him, like, I know this guy.

He sits right by me. I can't believe it's Janie Lane, the singer of Warrant. He recently passed away a few years back. And the whole time, right up here, right? In Ogre Park. Exactly. He sits by me, and we've never met. I mean, this is fucking creepy, right?

There, it's like out of nowhere, a guy sitting next to me. I said, hey, man, I sold that band name to you. And he goes, oh, fuck, man. I always hated that fucking name. I can't believe I'm meeting you. And I go, I know, right, right here. And he goes, yeah, I wanted to call it Lane, like Lane Street or something, because he came into the band later.

But they were big under Warrant, and the label wouldn't do it. And he goes, I hated it. And then we paid you guys. I came out of our pockets. I was like, hey, man, sorry, brother. And he's all good. Let's go watch a game. He was into, like, a college team.

And he wanted me to go see when we met. And I was like, see you, man. It was weird. And then he was dead, like, a year later or something. Strange, though, how you meet someone later, right? That's weird how that. And you tell him, man. You tell him.

I tell him. Not even about a year ago, I bumped into Ice Cube. Ice Tea, which one is the really good rapper? Ice Cube. Not other. The guy in law and order now. Yeah, the guy in law and order. Oh, that's Ice Tea.

I seen Ice Cube. I opened for Ice Cube in 1995 in Boulder for $100. I would go to the Fox Theater in Tormentum and say, my name is Joey Diaz. That's a great theater. I had fucking eight minutes of material. I would go to Tormentum. I got 20 minutes.

I went to open up for something. They go, all right, all right, whatever. We'll call you one day. They fucking called. And when you open up for Ice Cube, like, you take $100 right. Yeah. I went up there and fucking bombed so bad.

They were fucking. But they had weed and, oh, it was terrible. And a year ago, I seen them. And I go, I don't know if you remember me. I opened for you in Boulder. He goes, yeah, you were pretty bad back then. We were fucking laughing our ass off. I remember you were embarrassed.

You came back there and shit. I was like, you know, what do you do? But life's weird, right? Like I worshiped NWA growing up. I saw Ice Cube three different times. And I mean, he was my God when I was a kid. I did a movie with him five years ago. And I couldn't fucking believe the first day on the set.

He comes walking up. He's like, oh, yeah, I was going. I was like, that's fucking Ice Cube right there. You know, straight out of Compton. Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube. From a gang called Niggas Without a Tear, you know what I mean? You're like, man, that's him. It's crazy to do a movie with a guy that you.

I mean, who thought 20 years ago I'm going to be sitting, you know, doing a football movie with him. It's so bizarre, right? It works. When I got here, I got to meet James Colburn. I did a movie with James Colburn and Arliss. And I thought my life was it. That was it.

You know, and then I did something with Dick Van Dyke, who was when I came from Cuba. That's how I learned to speak the language. And I couldn't. I kept talking to his son. He goes, why are your eyes watering up? And I kept saying, I can't look at your dad. And I told Dick Van Dyke's son the story.

And he went and got him. He goes, come here, tell my dad. And while I'm telling Dick Van Dyke the story, I'm just crying. I'm just bawling. I'm just like, you have no idea. What this means to me. When I know what they're playing in Cuba, watch your show every fucking morning.

And here I am with you. Oh, my fucking God, are you kidding me? If my mother was alive, but ever on the phone, lighting candles and shit and fucking. It's crazy, right? It really is that you look up to people and you bump into them years later. I see, you know, I've been wanting to go see Pat Benatar.

I was a big Pat Benatar fan. Every time she's in town, I'm out of town. But I would love to go up to the Canyon Club and see them. And then afterward, tell her how I fucking mailed a thousand postcards when she married the guitar MTV to the contest to go to Hawaii, the Pat Benatar's wedding. And I was so deranged at that, at 18, 19. Really?

I thought I was going to win the wedding. That's a step, I never guess. I wrote postcards for a week. I thought I had it locked in. I love that hell is for children, right? Oh, that whole album. Pat Benatar's crime of passion. Awesome.

And the second one, the second one, the third one, a fucking his guitar work is tremendous. You guys great. But her too, like, you better run. Is that it? You better hide. The video with her with the white and black T-shirt on. That's it.

You better run to the white and black T-shirt on. Oh. So hot, man. Yeah, that was my first band. And you know, you just kind of gig in and you're rocking, you're playing keg parties and shit, and you're learning. It's funny to think about, like, where I am now in life was all because of that back then, yeah?

It was like getting you ready for today. That's it, man. Keg parties, you know, whatever. Whatever it was, a fucking high school. How similar are the businesses? Comedy, music business, the complete robbery. Yeah, now because of the stealing and stuff? Let me tell you, I did that movie with Ice Cube.

The day I got home, there were checks in my mailbox from the movie. You try to get music money, forget it. It would come four times a year, and that was only if you had some guy that could fucking hound down your money. Or else you just played free. It's always been like that. You know what I mean?

Hey, where's our royalties? We sent them out. No, you didn't. Well, we'll go to accounting and we'll call you back. And then months later, where's our money? Movies, it blew my mind because each week you're working, on the Monday, the fucking check's in there. So I was like, this is incredible.

There's actually money here. I mean, I have no manager, no agent. They could easily just say, thanks, man. What am I going to do? You know what I mean? Everyone would do their first 10 movies free. You know what I mean? A movie with Ice Cube, they go, hey, you want to do it free?

You go, yeah, fuck yeah, I want to do it free. The music stories I have heard have been just mind boggling. Black Sabbath, not getting checks. Rudy Sarge was here last week talking about it, how you want. Oh, you want money? Fuck, we ate all the mob balls. I guess we'll have to start in the motherfucking kick-catch. Not a bad choice.

That's just fucking Eddables on fire, at least. How you feeling, buddy? I'm pretty fucking stoned. Oh, shit. The music stories I've heard are just, you know, the guy from CCR, he got robbed, you know, Ozzy. I mean, this is just, you know, I remember years ago, talking to somebody who was opening up for somebody,

like you, like 10 years ago, he lived in the building with it. This kid didn't even have money for rent, and I asked him, I go, you're on a tour with Jane's Addiction? Aren't you making money? He goes, no, we're paying back the first album. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're taking all the money for the first album.

Well, we talked, I talked about, I talk about it a lot on my podcast. It's a loan. You sign a record deal. And Rudy Sarge and I were talking about how fucking funny this is. It's the only loan that when you pay back, you don't own it still.

So they loan you the money to make the record. Say they loan you 250,000. You have to pay that back. Then once you pay it back, you start getting residuals, you know, royalties from your record. But you don't own your record, which is hilarious. So what's the point of an album then,

if they don't pay for the recording cost? Isn't that the point of- Well, your point is you hope it sells, so you can go out on the road and sell t-shirts and tickets and make money from t-shirts and tickets. You know, a shirt cost you $2 to make. These fuckers are selling them for like 65, you know, 55 bucks a t-shirt.

Anyway, you don't own the records. So you're locked into a seven album deal. It's three for sure unless they don't like you. If your first record doesn't sell, they just drop you. But if it does sell, you're locked into them for seven, you know, or three, whatever you signed. And it's all alone always. So the genius of these bands that made it through

like Metallica and Soundgarden and Jack White and Josh, you know, from Queens, all these guys now, they can put their own records out because they have a draw that'll buy them and they're making way more money than they did when they were on a record label, you know, on a big record label. So how does you two give their CD away

to everybody with iTunes? Well, you two is at a situation where nobody's buying records. They know it. So they're like, it backfired on them, but they thought this will make us look like heroes. Where you two, the big money machine, we're gonna give you our record.

But then the way they did it, nobody liked it because it felt like, you know, you invaded my phone, which I understand. But what it really did was open your eyes to like, anybody can just go into your phone. It shows you how much access they have to. Of course, if you think you have anything that's not accessed like your internet

or your fucking anytime you click on porn, they could just do whatever. I mean, there's so many people, nobody cares what you're doing unless it's a serious crime. But, you know, that's why it backfired on them, you know? And also, I didn't think the record was that good. That was the biggest complaint. You put shitty music in my fucking mailbox.

You're gonna put shit in my mailbox. It's gonna be good for the pictures and pussy in there or something. You're not gonna show up with bad fucking music. You know what would have been awesome if they were to set you their library? Here's all our records. And by the way, the new ones in there too,

they would have looked like fucking James. They were really sold. They really made the money that we're gonna make. You would have got Octung Baby, you would have got Joshua Tree, you would have got Unforgettable Fire or whatever. Could you imagine if they did that? Here's our catalog.

Thank you for being our fans for years. You would have just been like, fuck, what a bunch of kings. You know what I mean? And then you would have got the new one. You wouldn't have said anything. You would have got, oh, and I got the new one. It's not bad, you know?

I was a big music fan growing up. It's all you have. Yeah. For certain people, it's all you have. And I went to everything. I went to James Brown. I went to all genres. Pat Beletar, I went to see Tom Petty

with the chick from fucking Fleetwood Mac in 83. I went to all this shit as a kid. And I believed in it, you know? Me too. And then you hear all this shit. And then I'm still a fan. I mean, it doesn't make a difference to me. But then you're getting this business here

and it's like you look behind the curtain a little bit. And now you understand the stories. You know, you understand Don Arden telling his daughter that Ozzy Oz wants to dead. He's worthless. He's a piece of shit. We've already robbed him for everything. I mean, they robbed him, you know?

Left him in the sunset marquee to die. Sunset marquee to die. And I remember I did a, when I first got here, my first real job was a video for John Fogarty. Yeah. I got to let the comedy stories. I was walking out when he wanted a couple of tough looking guys.

I went to the next stage with director of Barbed Wire and I got to sit at lunch with John Fogart and bother him. And he just was talking to everybody. And that was the whole thing, that he didn't get any residuals for all those songs with CCR or something. Fucking outrageous. Like you sit there and go, what are you saying?

Guy took all his money. He owned fantasy records. He's the guy that did the Godfather soundtrack. And that was the big war with his brother. His name is Sal's Vanzan, Sal's Vanzan, I think. There's a song that Fogarty did. I don't dance for Sal or something. But his brother died of AIDS.

And on his deathbed, him and his brother never talked again because he took the side of Sal's, Sal's Vanzan or whatever. And so on his deathbed, Fogarty said, fuck it, I'm gonna go see him. I gotta fucking end this. And he went to his deathbed and his brother said, I'm still on Sal's side.

And he just said, oh, motherfucker. I just walked out, you know. Can you believe that, man? That's a interesting story, man. I think the main problem is when you're fucking hungry and a guy comes along and says you wanna make records and be famous, you sign anything.

And then, cause you're thinking you're signing away nothing. Who cares, I got nothing now. I'm gonna go into the studio and make a record. Have you ever signed anything bad? I didn't. I got lucky because over the years of years of stories, I was pretty like sharp on it. I wasn't like the cocaine guy like, yeah, rock and roll.

And just sign anything. I was like, yeah, rock and roll, but let's look at this for a minute. You know what I mean? So, and also I never sold enough records to know about getting ripped off. You have to get to a level first to get ripped off. You know how many bands signed deals

and didn't do anything, you know what I'm saying? They're not gonna get ripped off. There's nothing there. You have to get to a big level and then you get ripped off. The music industry also gave me the dream, the dream to be a comic because you read about, Alanis Morissette putting on the album and the dies, and then you read about the Cheryl Crowes putting on the album

and the album dies and the record label dumps her and she moves to Vegas and starts jamming with some guys. And we got Cheryl Crowe back on the fucking map. I remember seeing Cheryl Crowe doing a free concert in bold, opening up the local guys, bands in the area, and six months later, next to you know, she was fucking headlining her feeders, you know? All I wanted to do was have some fun.

It was amazing. I saw it, I saw it. I saw her in March and then in October, there she is, fucking at the Fox Theater, headlining it for, you know, that's how quick, you know? So that little dream for music. You know, Ozzy Osbourne was dead. He hooks up with Randy Rhodes, the first time as a monster.

It's a fucking monster. I'm there, April 12th at the Palladium with my buddies. Yeah, and so you, you learn that listening to those stories always kept my dream alive for comedy, I think. That was the main reason that helped me stick it out. You hear about all those, you know, singers to the dead, and, you know, Joel Linton, Joel Linguido, whatever his real name is, you're all fucked up.

Where's Tony Bennett, Cocksuck? Oh, shit. You're slipping. Didn't play Tony Bennett last week, either. Yes, I did. The church of what's happening now, Monday night with Dean Relp, Delray, a beautiful fucking Monday night.

Will Tony Bennett for you, Cocksuck, is slow things down a little bit? Oh, shit, Lee, look at the shape. You gonna eat this fucking last piece now? You're not even high, Cocksuck. That's pretty silly. You're not even high. I tell you, that's a new chef.

Well, he's putting the same amount of weed in it. I'm somebody twice as smart as I am. Keep it low, it's beautiful today. Where do I piss? Right there? Well, I'll split this last piece. No, we're not. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I swear to be true, as you used to do with me. Now people know where our bathroom is. That misery loves company. Wait and see. I mean, I wanna be around. How's that candy, buddy? Which one?

I don't know, I like Kit Katz, but I haven't had malted balls for a while. I'm on balls right now. Let me give him some shout-outs here with my main man who's taking a piss there. I love you guys. Garrett Richardson, thank you very much for the card. I'm mindful I was gonna bring it and read it for Lee,

but I forgot it. Cleo, happy birthday. Happy birthday, Cleo. I'm happy you enjoyed your present. Somebody hit me up a couple of days ago and said they wanna give Cleo something nice. There was a GoFundMe account, and Lee and I donated a little something to the church.

We're family, so this is how we do it. Cleo, we love you. Don, Don, thank you again for the con. Don-san, thank you for the kind words. I hope you're Chinese or Japanese. I don't know what the fuck you're up with. You made sense. Karim Ismail, Shawn Toner,

I love you, Coxsucka, Bobby Sharon, and Tony B, Ferguson. I hope the peace is on. I hope no black people jumping up and down. I hope a lot of this shit ain't going on in Ferguson. How was that P, okay? It was awesome. Sometimes you gotta let that fucking spout open up

and shit crack a lax. Well, what's weird is I can drink about 1,000 iced teas and not have to piss. But water cleans you right the fuck out. Yeah, that's what it's supposed to do, it's a natural. Shit's a fucking... So what was the band that you went on tour with other bands with?

That's this one here, Blacktop, two-lane Blacktop? It was a combination of two-lane Blacktop and then my solo career, Dean Delray. That record right there, you were talking about Cheryl Crowe. Linda Perry signed me, I signed the band to Interscope from Fournont Blancs, who now, you know,

she wrote some of the biggest songs for Pink and Christina Aguilero. But remember, she had that, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's her label there, Rockstar Records. And we did a record with Bill Betrell, who did those Cheryl Crowe first two records. And then the band disintegrated and I went solo

and from there on, just played non-stop rock and roll, man. Like Springsteen style, Black Crows, that kind of music, you know? No ACDC? You got a tattoo of Bond Scott, you didn't do a little soul strip or nothing? When I was young, I did a tribute to Bond every year on the day he died called The Church of Bond Scott.

Every year, do an entire ACDC run every year. But that would be pretty much my ACDC. Early on, I would play one song a gig. You know, usually it was Jailbreak. You know, gonna make a G. That's a great one, right? Last week I played with Marin at the bake potato, remember I told you to come

and I did Let There Be Rock with the band. That was awesome. First time I sang with the band in years, since I started comedy. Five, six, seven years. You know, it's one of my all-time favorite albums, is Power Rage. Yeah, that's a great one.

One of my all-time favorite fucking albums. I always steal from radio stations out of respect. When they leave me in a room for a while, and I see they got ACDC, they got Power Rage, it's going home with Papa. I love Let There Be Rock. The highway, the hell, you know, people just don't get it. People just, this new generation of life

just doesn't get it. To me, walk all over you and touch too much. Bond Scott is just sensational, but Angus fucking takes over. I mean, just the Power Rage. You know, I remember, we were talking about things from England, because the first ACDC album came in two different albums.

You know, so the American one doesn't have Soul Stripper on it. It only came out in Australia or the UK. So we would have to go up there. That's what we were talking about. We're really, really good friends with them. That's where in Jersey we were from. Rudy's went to Memorial. So there's a store of things from England,

and I went there, I could call him and say, I need two tickets for housing. And he would get me the two tickets. And you paid him a Vig, whatever the fuck it was, but I just love everything ACDC. Do I like Brian Johnson? I tolerate back in black. I don't like listening to it anymore,

because you had to be around in 1980. I heard that album at every party. That was it. There was a time where every place you went. Da, da, na, na, na, na, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I would lose my fuck out, like I can't hear it. When I'm listening to a radio and I hear back in black, for two minutes I get happy, then I switch it.

You wanna impress me, bitch? Put on problem child, put on squealer, put on fucking rock and roll, Dalmatian, anything, but that fucking back in black. For those who suck the cock, we salute you. Again, I shopped at that album from Pathmark in North Park. I love that record, man. You know, I like like two songs.

It was funny because I out, once I started doing my thing when I was like 19, I got less and less into the concerts, but I saw it, but I seen the Scorpions and Rainbow. Yeah, I saw the Scorpions. Was it with Rainbow the one year in 82? Blackout. On the Blackout, I saw that tour,

but Jovi opened when it had my tour. Yeah, on like a 7,800 Fahrenheit or whatever, his first record, they had that song. Run Away. Yeah. Ooh, she's a little run away. Yeah, they opened on that. Never saw Bon Jovi.

Wow, I've seen him three times. It's funny because Jovi gets a lot of flack and stuff, but you know, fuck man, those songs, he wrote a lot of songs, you know what I mean? And he's kind of like a survivor. You know, he took some shit job as a janitor at the studio and then tracked at night in it and wrote that runaway song and then fucking came out

and worked it, you know? And it's funny when you're on the road like you and you go to these towns, or I've been all around the world, you go to these cities like where Deaf Leopards from or Jovi and you're like, hey man, these fucking guys came out of here. You know what I mean?

Like how? Like when I got a Sheffield England I think Deaf Leopards was in this old shit steel town and they played rock. Where's Judas Priest from? Same place with Sabbath this one. Yeah, same thing, you know, like Birmingham, you know? Birmingham, yeah.

And they describe those places and then you go even right now, if you go to fucking Birmingham, you're like, this place is a dump. You know, they got out of here and they fucking made it, man. We're not talking about a band that started in New York or LA. We're talking about some fucking toenail on the continent and they got out.

It's so weird to me, you know? When you're at, when you play the Stone Pony and you go, this is like Bruce Land right here, you know? And you're in Asbury Park and it's like an old shit rundown amusement park that's gone with a faded Pee Wee golf there. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy and there's nothing there.

It looks like atomic bomb went off and set Stone Pony and then a couple of things, you go, wait, this is Asbury Park? I only went to the Stone Pony one time, but I used to go to the Asbury Park Convention Center. I think I saw a priest there one time. That place right there on the wall? Yeah, that place is great, right?

It's like Jim Florentine tells a great story on Metal Midge at Tobacco and I see Lepidair and I went to that concert. For a while you would go to concerts, somebody would always light a smoke bomb and people would freak out and he told the story about lighting a smoke bomb and running out and it was him and they threw him out

and he had red eyes, he had to call his mother because he was 14, that was us. Concerts were the biggest release, you know? They were, man. Without him I'm dead. And now I don't go and I feel fucking terrible. My wife had tickets for me to go see Nine Inch Nails and whatever, I had surgery the next day

and I was like, fuck. And I wanted to go but I thought about the Hollywood Bowl and it's a fucking hike up hills and you got a fucking park on the bottom and here I am with a busted meniscus walking up a fucking hill and then if you got a pee, God forbid you got to walk down the hill

and pee and walk back up the fucking hill. I went to see the Stones that I left after three songs. I was on that tour. I was smoking cigarettes and I had a monkey in my pocket. I don't give a fuck about the Stones. I watched three songs, I loved them to death. I have already seen them in 78 and 81.

I was like, you know what? I don't know if I'm out. Some girls tattoo you. Some girls tattoo you. Some girls and Philly. Yeah, they recorded that. With Farner. Yeah, with him?

Forner, yeah. Farner. I just said on my podcast last week, Forner is underrated, man. One of the best voices in music, whatever that guy's name is. Yeah, it was Grand. One of the best voices in music.

Head games, Cold as Ice, Dirty White Boy. The first album. Unbelievable. The first album. It was a Monday, a day like any other day. All that shit. Fucking great. It's tremendous, tremendous.

This band is great, man. They're an American treasure, man. Or where, I don't even know where they're from. No, they're from England. He's English, Lou Graham. They're like an American rock and roll band though. The sound is classic rock. You know who I love, you know who's still.

I love Zapplin. I love AC DC. I love Sabbath with all my heart. But one of the best bands of all time to me. And he is the greatest voice in rock. He's up there with Freddie Mercury. His back company. I, a lot of people know that he was the only singer

they considered replacing Jim Morrison when he died. I don't even think he had free yet. Free is unbelievable. But I just watched, I watched it a couple of years ago when he sang for Queen at the VH1 rock awards. And he did, the song must go on. And you have to, he's got a wig now. Yeah.

He's got a fucking wig. Yeah, he does have that wig. But he's built. He's a karate expert. He's a black man. Yeah, he's got a body and he always wears a tank top. That's why they broke up. Because he kicked Kirk in the fucking mountain.

He broke his jaw with a kick. A lot of, a lot of, Kirk. What's the guy's name? The guitar player from the back company. Good one. Oh, uh, Kirk or Simon. Simon Kirk. Simon Kirk.

He broke one of their fucking jaws. Either him or the other guy, I don't quote him. I went to Desolation Angels in 78 when I came back from five-star basketball camp. So I got my buddies, I get in the car, we're going to Nassau Coliseum. And the fucking drummer did something then. The lights went out and the drumsticks glowed in the dark.

And we had eaten like acid or mescal or something. My head almost fucking blew up. But I remember that he was one of the, one thing I didn't understand about live music was something you said. You said that, you know, when you see somebody in a studio, they sing like that. Then when you see him live, you're like,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Yeah. He was to the tee. He still is right now. Just like the guy from Priest. That's Solar Angels that time. Rob Houser. So eh, and when he's a victim of changes live,

you'd be like, I'm good. Yeah. I'm good, because towards the end, Ozzy Osbourne supposedly had like a back singer in the back that would sing from, I don't think he's doing on this tour. I heard this tour Sabbath is just fucking tremendous. Yeah, I don't know.

I heard Jim Norton a couple of days ago. I listened to Jim Norton a lot. I love Jim and I love Jim Florentine. The friends, Florentine's a friend of mine and Don Jameson and, and you know, sometimes I'll be like, hey man, you're fucking there. I don't know.

The singers just not there anymore. And they just completely deaf hear me. Like, no man, no, they were great. You know, I'm like, oh, come on man. We saw them, but, but Norton said something funny a couple of days ago. It was awesome. He said, yeah, they don't play a symptom

of the universe anymore. Sabbath. And he goes, I think cause Ozzie can't hit the notes. And he goes, I don't care though. Sing it shitty. If I want it perfect, I'll put on the record. I just want to hear the song. And I was like, that's a fucking pretty cool outlet

because I used to be kind of negative on it. You know, like, man, the singing's horrible. But now I'm just like, well, they're there, you know, and they're, once these bands are gone, what, they're gone. You know what I mean? Then what, what are we gonna sit there? There's not gonna be anybody we're gonna go see.

So what do you guys think about lip-syncers then? Like when there's always like a lip-syncing contachery for something every, every six months, like Ash, whatever, and is it, do you like, are you negative about it or what do you rather they just do that? I don't want to see somebody fucking lip-sync. I think it's the fucking crime of the business.

But then people would pay 250 to see Britney Spears lip-sync. I get it. I get it when somebody jumps up and down at the beginning of the tour and they're out of shape. I get it when Janet Jackson starts her tour in Denver, that when she first starts her tour, she's singing 15% of the tour.

By the middle of the tour, she's handling it to 85%. It's a little music cause she moves around. I get that. But I don't want to fucking see Robert Plant lip-sync. You know, Led Zeppelin never did a little TV performance because they maintained a certain patois of what they were gonna do and what they weren't gonna do. I'm gonna give some sponsors a shout out

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And the peanut brittle. Ari said he ate it and did something the other day. It's fucking tremendous. He did it on his pockets. There you go. Go to naileditlife.com and press in. Joey Diaz. Oh shit, and get 20% off your first vapor pen

sent right to your house. Why are you fucking around staring at me? Do it now, cow suckers. Again, on it, IonDragonTV.com, Nailed It Life. No, HittieSigs.com and Nailed It Life. Let's talk about something here before we close this motherfucker. I think I was into the doors first.

Little songs on the radio, 10CC, I'm not in love. And then one day I heard this explosion. And it was now I'm called Led Zeppelin too. I went to a party in somebody's basement. And I'm listening to Heartbreaker, and I don't know, my heart just stopped. What is this? Led Zeppelin, god damn it, this is the last band

I wanted to fucking like, you know? And I went home and I put on Led Zeppelin II, I bought it, and that's it. It changed my life. I had stolen a fucking thing with the four speakers, two that came with it, and then we wired up. Puerto Rican rig, two extra speakers so you could hear a whole lot of love break.

Quadrophonic sound. Quadrophonic sound, and then I bought Led Zeppelin III, and then you buy the fucking Zeppelin I, and then you buy IV, and then you buy Presence, and then I buy, and through the outdoor, I wait a whole year, and you know, when my mother died, it was the second hit, because the first guy that hit was bomb, it hit me.

I couldn't take that many knocks. I was at this restaurant, these guys are mobsters now. Moff and Joe, they had a fucking egg sandwich place, and that's where I was when Led Zeppelin was about to go on sale, and he died. This guy, WPLJ in New York, was about to announce his fucking dates, and this guy dies, and I buy the alms, and I smoke dope,

and I listen to Led Zeppelin, I work on Led Zeppelin. Everything I do is around Led Zeppelin. The style of my life is Led Zeppelin. My comedy is Led Zeppelin, I want heavy. I don't want no fucking around, I want to kill these last man, we'll talk later. Let's blow up the room now, we'll talk later. And then I get older, and I hear all this shit

that they're thieves, what am I supposed to do now? Now I know in my heart, I've seen the YouTube videos, I've seen that they lifted some chords, whatever. Now, 40 years later, the lawsuit's gonna move forward against Led Zeppelin, let's stay where they have it. They're your favorite band, they're my favorite band. How am I supposed to feel? Anybody?

How am I supposed to feel? Do I stop listening to them? But then I put an album on that's called The Storm Is The Same, which is a live album. And unless you're fucking retarded, or you're a stupid motherfucker, once you listen to that album, you don't realize two things. A, that is probably the greatest live performance

that any musical band has done. I listened to Robert Plant on the Power, remember that old radio station they had, the Power Flower Hour, on Sunday night? King Flower Hour. And he said that the second night in the garden, Jimmy Page, that everything that guitar that a human could do except give it head,

he just destroyed it, and when he listened to the album, and I know that you can't steal that talent. And I know that you can't steal Achilles Last Stand, I know you can't. When I listened to No Quarter, when I listened to Dazed and Confused, and I listened to The Improvising, I listened to, and then I watched it on VH1.

Whenever it's on VH1? Yeah, sit down. It's on, it's done. Whatever the fuck you told me, shark tank, whatever my wife is watching, I don't give a fuck, except Moby Dick. Yeah, yeah. Fast forward through Moby Dick.

Yeah. If you go to my house right now, The Storm Is The Same is on my DVR. Second one. And whenever I get down, I just put on a whole lot of love. One night, I believe I told you this before, all that shit to me, you can't steal.

What am I supposed to think? Well, the way I look at it is, when they start out on Zep 1, 1, and 2, they're like all those bands in England, man. They're like a blues acid rock band. You understand, like, you're playing blues. Like, you know, clap down all those guys' cream and stuff. They're playing like white man's blues, you know?

And it's, I think it's more of like, they don't look at it as like they're stealing. They're playing what they're influenced by, you know what I'm saying? And then it's like comics. When you see them, they first start out, you go, oh, this guy's doing dice. You don't know.

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. Until you find your voice. And then you find your voice. So, you're talking about Jimmy Page, who played on everyone's records as a session guy. And he's been playing since he was. The Yard burns, the Stones.

All that shit. The Who. He's on what Stonehound was he on? I had it, I got it in the car. This sleepy city. Yeah. It looks so pretty, that one. Yeah.

My buddy just bought it for me and gave it because I said if it's there, something Her Majesty's Secret Service. That's the one that's the. Everybody's on it. Yeah, yeah. Plant is on it, a couple of people on it. But the thing is, so he's playing blues his entire life.

Then they're going to do a record. They're just, I mean, there's like, you know, like AC-DC's like three chords. That's blues rock too. If you slowed it down, it's like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Speed it up. It's da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

in the beginning. That's a fucking blues progression. You know what I'm saying? Of course, these guys are like, well, they're doing howlin' wolf and he's doing this, muddy waters. But the thing is, everybody's playing blues back then. And then you start to find your thing by, you know,

Zeppelin III, it's like, holy shit, you know? I mean, going to California, that's Zeppelin, you know? Now, all that stuff is Zeppelin to me. So I think it's like, of course it's gonna sound like. Like Diamacus Clip. Yeah. Just like two, and that's one of my favorite albums of all time.

And I told somebody I wouldn't listen to no quarter. When I bought that album, I would skip over no quarter. I love no quarter. That's how young I was and mature. It scared me, it was too heavy. When I first got Master Reality, I didn't listen to it. I bought it, I put it on one night. The Exorcist was on TV.

I put earphones on, I listened to Master Reality and I was startin' T.A. You're goin' double Satan now. Which is fuckin' Angel Dust, basically. And I'm watchin' all this goin' on. I'm like, I'll never hear this sound again. Then it took me two or three years to put it into the void on and go.

Wow! Yeah. Wow! You know, now we're onto something, but no quarter at first. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, skip that motherfucker, go right to the ocean, bitch.

But isn't it more common with music than comedy? Like, in music, people buy songs that other people have written. So it's not like they're stealing, but they just didn't pay the royalties? Or is it actually like they're stealing and. Hore, just something. No, later they gave him credit on the records. I think it was early on.

I mean, early on they probably just thought that of course we're playin' blues, but everybody is. You know what I'm sayin'? Yeah, music I have less of a problem with than I would with comedy, I think. I don't know why. Listen, when I heard that song by that fuckin' guy,

I knew he robbed fuckin' Marvin Gaye. Which one? As soon as I heard that song by Robin Whip, whatever, Robin Thicke. Oh yeah, yeah. As soon as I heard that song, didn't take a genius to know they had to pay somebody. That was sampled or clipped.

Okay, did it, is that a fuckin' mouse over there? Where? Where? Did it bother me? No, it didn't bother me. I love Marvin Gaye, you know? Yeah. I don't know, it's just a weird thing.

I mean, you know, what are you gonna do? To me, I think that Jimmy Page was there in the fuckin' birth of that shit. Of course, he wasn't an old black blues player, you know? But he played blues his entire life. It wasn't like he just came in, learned a style, and then went, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna be blues rock.

Guy played blues all his life. Played that skittle, skibble, or whatever before. That weird play you ever see when he's like 13 on TV. Playin' some fuckin' He's been playing guitar all his fuckin' life, that guy. You know, but as comics, if somebody does, if somebody's stealing jokes, we avoid them. We don't call them out.

I just avoid them, because I know I'm the smack on, so they know. So why wouldn't we avoid Zeppelin? Like guys like you and me, I can't, I love it. To me, if they stole something, they made it better. They took it with confidence. This last lawsuit kinda threw me off a little bit. To me, it's always been one of the greatest songs

of all time. One of the greatest solos of all time. Every time I hear it, it brings a tear to my eye. The solo's insane. Hands down to me again. If you put on the song, it means the same. That's where I take my, that's a live performance at the hardest venue in the world.

There's no harder venue, and when you watch it, you see that the people are hypnotized. You know, I got to see Robert Plans, Jimmy Pays, later on in 1994, 1995. I saw that too, 1996, yeah. Who gives a fuck? Yeah. It wasn't Led Zeppelin to me.

I was happy. That's why I'm glad they never get back together now. It's never gonna live up to what you and I wanted to be. Ever. We're good with the memories. I'm solid. Me too. Me too.

How good we're seeing. This morning I woke up and I wanted to play this and this and this, but I kept hearing the opening chord of the killie. Look at my Facebook and Twitter. That's what I put on this morning. It's just a Monday type of song. It wasn't early morning when they told us we should know.

That song is a punch in the face. It's one of the most electric songs that you hear. You just go, what the fuck, man? Especially when they're playing it at Nebworth in 78. They play like in 79 or where they play Nebworth. They get, they're kind of, after 77 they lay dormant. Then they're working on it through the outdoor and they end up playing like three years or whatever it is.

Then they go do two warm-up shows in Nebworth. And they also open up in the evening. Yeah, yeah. And they're playing Achilles' Last Stand. And they design a clothing on and shit. And it. Stop it. Stop it.

Yeah, with those fucking weird suit pants and shit. But Jimmy Page is like weighs about 32 pounds in that. And he is murdering Achilles' Last Stand. He looks like he's possessed. He's on heroin. Full blown addiction there. And he's killing it. Like beyond.

I love it, man. It's fucking insane. Only some people know about that Nebworth stuff. That shit's fire, Nebworth. Nebworth is fire. You know, I heard the story when I always talk about what would have happened? It was a great question.

If, uh, there's what I gotta deal with. What would have happened if Leonard's gonna live? Oh, let's see. There's only two bands I didn't see, Skinner and Zeppelin. How different would life have been? What direction? All those bands, Molly Hatchett.

All those bands were carried over. Cause we quit. I mean, Leonard's Skinner was way ahead of their time. But I heard the story of them going to Nebworth and just blowing out the stone. Yeah, you seen it? You can watch it on YouTube. You can watch it.

I think I have like a little hat on. And they're doing Saturday Night Special. And you're sitting there going, oh my fucking God. They're in the spectrum of music and they're just killing it. Yeah, I think that's Nebworth also. Yeah, Nebworth, yeah. And they, I mean, they play one of the most spectacular,

I grew up in the Bay Area and my whole music life, I owed to Bill Graham, everything, my life I owed to that guy because he had these visions of these crazy shows where he'd put, you know, fucking all these different bands on. And that's how you got to learn about so much different music. But the Skinnerd played Dan the Green

and those are my favorite shows ever, Dan the Green. I talk about it over and over and over because it really fucked me up. But if you punch in on YouTube, Skinnerd, Dan the Green, Freebird, you're not gonna see anything more rocking than that. It's insane. It's 60, it's 77.

It's 60,000 people and they started up, he's like, play a pretty for Oakland. That's what he says. And Ronnie with the no shoes on, burning up feet on the stage with that fucking hat on and the Neil Young shirt on. Cause you know, he had that hope Neil Young will remember. And there he is killing it, you know,

and you used to go like, that is fucking rock right there. You know? Led Zeppelin played their last two shows in Oakland Coliseum 77, last two ever in America. That's the ones where Peter Grant and his thug guy beat up one of the guy's dads there. Cause the kids pulling the Led Zeppelin sign off the dressing room and Peter Grant's like,

what the fuck are you doing? Get out of here. And the dad comes and they pull him in the dressing room and just beat him almost to death. And then Bill Graham's like, look man, we can't cancel him cause it's gonna get fucking crazy here. So Peter Grant knows that they beat that guy up. So he goes, you gotta come over here

and sign this paper saying you won't sue us before we go back over there. Sign off on the paper, they play the next show. And then the next day, Plants Kid dies. Like haunting in New Orleans. They're supposed to play New Orleans wherever he goes home. And then the tour is canceled. And then they don't play 80 again.

They do 13 shows in 80. And then Bonzo dies and that's it. That's it. That's it. A lot of people say that band was haunted. You know, 75, Plants got in a bad car crash, canceled that tour. His son died in 77, you know.

Carrack. Yeah, just crazy shit. And they always said the inside cover of, that's why I never understood. Cause the house of the holy came out way before the sun died. Yeah, right. But they said the inside of the cover is him giving the sun up.

You know, they had so many fucking. Yeah, that's all like twisted dry shit. They had so many devil shit that they had in references. Now, before we get the fuck out of here, what day did you wake up and go, you know what? I'm gonna give this comedy a try. Man, it was next. It was a Monday, a day like any other day.

It was a small town. I wanted to do comedy. I'm 48. I wanted to do comedy when I was probably 12 years old. I saw Saturday Night Live. First season, I wanted to be John Belushi. I wanted to be that guy. I thought he was an absolute god.

He was an outlaw. He did drugs. He fucking drank. He rocked. He really didn't give a fuck. Samurai, sword. These motherfuckers don't remember that from that case. I watched that shit Saturday night.

Stay up early like, oh fuck, fall asleep, watch it. You know, we just watched The Blues Brothers somewhere in the green room. Yeah. If you're young and you watch The Blues Brothers, it's just a movie. But if you know what he was going through at the time and you're watching Belushi, you're like,

how the fuck was he keeping it together? Right? Animal house to me. Oh my god. Animal house is like the fucking epitome of face comedy. The way he could do a face and you would just die. You know, you hear the eyebrow, that fucking thing where he pops a bone or he falls backwards off the ladder.

You know, all that simple shit. My brother and I would do like the, what is this? Is it thing? Yeah. All around the house. Yeah. But you know, it got into that.

And then my buddy that turned me onto all the rock had Cheech and Chong. And I was so into that record. I got it now. A mint version of it. The one with slide. There were women in the car or whatever, you know. And the dog, the drive-in one where they sneak the guys in,

you know, first gear. They're like, hey man, we got the people in the back, you know, Cheech and Chong. And then Pryor and the Pryor and Carlin. And then later it was Chris Rock and Seinfeld. And in the late 80s, you know, Kinnison and Dice. My buddy dealt Coke and he'd go to the store and I'd stroll in and see Dice early on

and be like, that guy, never seen anything like it. Just look at two strangers and goes, that's your girl. What a whore. You'd be like, whoa, man. And then they would get up, we're out of here. Get out of here, you crying little whore. You know, and that kind of shit. And you're like, well, this is gangster.

So I always wanted to do comedy. But I was a kid. Kids didn't do comedy. There wasn't like, you know, you don't go to a camp, like my factory comedy camera, they didn't have that shit, man. So I played rock and 25 years blew by, boom. Then I got lucky, I got that Ice Cube movie.

This is about six years ago or so. And I'm two months in Shreveport, sitting in bleachers with earthquake and Garrett Morris. So not only am I meeting fucking Ice Cube, who I worshiped in NWA, I'm looking at the first season, Garrett Morris. That fucking guy was on Saturday Night Live when I was a kid, Ant-Man.

I don't live the thousand times my weight. I don't give a fuck, get out of here. John Belushi is the whole farting, you know? So I sit by earthquake every couple of days, I go, hey, I wanna do comedy, like what do I do? So I go, ah man, you gotta do open mics. Not giving me much, a couple more days, give up, what else?

You gotta write, man, you gotta write. Write what? What do I do? Where do I go? Google it, man, get out of here, you know? But after a month or so, he realized I was really interested in it. He goes, all right, I'll tell you what, man,

you do this, you do that, you do this. You get good, come see me at the comedy union, put you on. And a year went by, I went on every day. What was the comedy, yeah? The comedy, the movie? No, no, what was it? The comedy union.

Oh, the comedy union. Yeah, he was doing a Wednesday night there. You know, he goes, you go and do open mics and look me up when you think you're ready. So I looked him up, I went down, every day, 365, I did not miss a day. Open mic every fucking day, never missed a day. I looked him up, I knocked on the,

I went down to the union and I go, hey, man, it's me. Dean, he's like, huh? I go, yeah, maybe you told me if I was ready. He's like, I didn't think you were gonna do it, man. I mean, I would have told you some real shit. I was just telling you dumb shit out there, bored. But I went on and had a good set, you know? And for, you know, I'm on my fifth year now,

I've almost done 2,500 spots and I don't miss a day. Maybe 10 days out of the five years, you know? But I, every fucking day, everywhere, man, I go to Bakersfield for a shit open mic, eight minutes. I heard they give you eight minutes in Bakersfield. I'm there, all on a motorcycle. You know what I mean? Oh, I heard they give you 12 minutes down in the ghetto

at this place called the family room. No whites in there, I'm going. You know what I mean? They give you fried chicken, you ever doing that one? They're in some house in South Central, man, in a house they cook chicken in and you do comedy. And if they like you, they throw dollars at you. It's awesome, man.

I'm gonna take leave down there. You gotta go there, man. No, that sounds terrible. But I was going everywhere, still right now. I just did eight days with Russell Peters, 10,000 people a night. The day I got home, I went to Westwood to the Irvine or to the improv space and did an open mic

just to get back on the ground. That audience isn't mine. You know what I mean? I wanna make that audience mine so I gotta keep working, you know? Just ground. Five years in. Five years in.

Five years in. Next week, actually on Thursday Thanksgiving Day is two year anniversary of my name painted on that wall at the store I got passed November 27th, two years ago. And that was out of my life of doing everything I've done was the proudest day of my life. When you drive down Sunset Strip, you look to the right, my name's on that wall.

Fucking mind-boggling. I never thought I'd get my name on that wall. Right? I was there in 88 snorting Coke drinking booze around those names. I didn't think I was ever even gonna do comedy. There I am. I didn't think any of this shit was gonna happen.

I didn't think I'd be going to Philadelphia selling on shows and people telling me that the podcast has changed Lee's life. I didn't think half the shit that's going on right now. You know, you can't imagine this. You just keep, there's one point you come to term with being here and the things you have to do and you just put your head down and start doing

and things pop up. You know, people always say, hey, what do you want me to say about you before I go on stage? Don't say anything. Yeah. Say, come into the stage, Joey Diaz, I'm a stand up, you know?

Credits don't mean anything. They don't. They really don't, you know? It's been fucking great, man. I'm happy I finally, and this is what really happened, guys. About a year ago, Jordan came up to me, maybe a year and a half ago. Jordan comes up to me and goes,

hey, man, you know a lot about music. Why don't you talk to Dean Delray? And I go, I don't know fucking Dean Delray. He goes, he says he knows you. I go, listen, what the fuck you want me to tell you? I don't know no Dean Delray. I know you for years. Yeah.

I just didn't know. I thought your name was Marty. I didn't know why Marty. I was telling you the other day. I didn't know why Marty. You haven't made it as a JOADS friend unless you have a nickname like DiAgostino. Yeah, I didn't know fucking, it was my thought.

Marty Dean Delray. I got so many guys confused. There's three or four Eric, something. There's a guy that does videos with people. He looks like him. You remind me of him. So when I see, for fun, I went to the store and all you guys were together and I go, oh, fuck.

I've been fucking up for a long fucking time. Cause I don't know names, especially now. There's so many kids coming up and guys you don't really know. And then they finally tell you their name and then you bump into them and go, oh, it's you. Okay, now I fucking get it. Brother, thank you. Oh dude, comedy has saved my life.

And between the Desquad people and Marin and Burr, you, guys like Russell, Ian Edwards. I have, I mean, I was 44 years old in Hollywood and played music all my life and stepped off the train. You want to talk about fucking insanity and noises in your head. You're in the Hollywood Hills in a fucking guest house sitting there going, now what?

Now what man? 25 fucking years playing music. What am I going to do? I don't have any friends here. All my people have married and moved on. And then you slowly start to get these friends and you go, fuck man, like a guy like you. We're similar age.

We love music. I could talk to you for hours. We could do this till six in the morning. That's what I'm saying, hours, man. Marin, I could talk to that guy for, I mean, he is like music, comedy, all, you know, everything we can talk about. And I'm like, fuck, this is saving me.

So I thank you, man, for having me on. 100%. Oh please. I could do it anytime. I'd come do mine. Okay, man, I didn't know what days you'd do it. I could do it any day you want to do. You come over and you got to come to my house

because if you like Zeppelin, you're going to lose your mind. Red Band came over yesterday and he was like, I can't fucking believe it. It's a rock museum, my house, of my entire life. You're going to see photos of me with slash at fucking like 21 years old. That's there, you know, Axel, me on a Harley at 18 going on some biker run, you know, on fucking meth,

whatever, it's just a history in there. On meth. Yeah. You ever do meth? Yeah. Yeah. I done meth speed. I don't fucking know.

I've done it all. Yeah, just speed. I did some good speed in West Virginia, going into the mountains with some dudes to a trailer. I think they were going to get me blow. And then I got some good coconut. Those fucking black people, hey, they make some good meth up there.

Beautiful women. What the fuck's up with Idaho? They got the best women. It's like 1988 Playboy just belongs with real boobs. Fucking women are getting beautiful and beautiful everywhere. Last week in Portland, there was some beautiful women. There was a redhead who came down from Canada.

I love Portland. I was 26, that was beautiful. And she hasn't hit me up on Twitter or nothing. Oh my God, she was beautiful. Not that I want to fuck her or not. I can't, I got nothing for her. I'm just saying, she didn't say thank you. Wait, are you married?

Yeah, married. I got a two year old kid at the house. I'm fucking done. I'm done. This week in Philadelphia at the airport, I seen two black girls when I got off the plane that were working there. That were beautiful.

Sunday morning, I bought a breakfast burrito from a chick from the Boloville. Like she had the hole to get up on. This chick was fucking hot. Hot, beautiful sister, hot. The Boloville girl. You know, like Africa. She wasn't from fucking from Boloville.

The Boloville. Yeah, she wasn't from Baltimore or whatever. She was from the Boloville. She was killing me. Have you been to Prague? No, I don't have a passport. The felonies, they took them away. Oh, let me tell you.

Wait, they got a boulder there? No. What do they got in Prague? Let me tell you something about Prague. They got women. The most incredible women, I think, on the planet come from the Eastern Bloc. And Prague is the capital, man.

So you got Russia, Budapest, Prague. Prague, everywhere you go. You're at McDonald's and Anacornicova is making your Big Mac. I'm telling you, on the fucking streets, on the hot dog stand, it's Anacornicova. You got Anacornicova at the fucking Taco Bell. You gotta drive in the bus.

Wherever you go, you're what the fuck is this, man? Any of them could move to Beverly Hills. And rock this, motherfucker. Rock this. Meanwhile, they're making hot dogs for $3 and a half. Can you believe it? They don't even know. It's like when you go to Tennessee sometimes,

you go up to the hills to something, and you see a blonde and you're like, that bitch don't know that if she went to sunset and just stood there, there'd be 18 car crashes. Yeah, gotta pull up and go, you're rich, get in. Get in. It's over for you. This is the last time you're gonna be able to walk

down the fucking street on the stand with Lisa. What do you got planned for tomorrow, Lisa, man? We have something in the morning, and then just a gym, I think. I'm Josh Wolf. You're all fucked up. I love it. You're just like, oh.

10 milligrams, don't fuck it, don't fuck it. He's nostalgic and shit. You do any coke? No. No, he doesn't do it. He's a good kid. How old are you? 26.

Did you ever do any coke? No, no, I never was. I barely did weed. I got some ecstasy in the house. I'm gonna spike him a fucking brownie with mushrooms and ecstasy in that motherfucker. He did that to me already. He gave me mushrooms, and I thought they were weed.

I'm gonna give him a half a hit of ecstasy and put it in like a mushroom brownie and send him home to his little Mexican girlfriend. Mushrooms are the best. She's gonna fucking be on a plane to Mexico. This little Jew is gonna sling some dick like a savage. You know we did some ecstasy and gave somebody a stabbing?

No. That little dick is gonna get to that little pink head that'll start going, wow, wow, wow. You go home and show that shit to your girlfriend. You should go fucking bananas. Just tell her, open up wide. Say, ah, it's over, you understand me?

I wanna do some shows with you, man. Like one week and you and I hit San Fran or something. So, okay. That'd be dope, right? We just come in there and invade him. Oh, I was just there and I'm gonna go back up there like in March or even in the podcast. I was tweeting.

That's right, that's right. You were somewhere, you know, it's funny. I got this, Lee and I had a talk this morning. We're taking the podcast on the road in 2015. It's great. We're going to New York, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Chicago, San Francisco, Sacramento, Modesto. Let me tell you.

Fuck yeah. In San Diego. My favorite women. And Las Vegas. My favorite women are Jersey. Isn't it weird? Oh, Jesus Christ. I love Jersey women.

And you hook up with them all the time? I try, you know, but I'm not out there. You're too nice. You're too nice and you gotta have like a missing fucking eye. You have a union job, a missing eye. It's that look, that Jersey woman look, you know what I mean?

Oh, beautiful. I love that. They all look, they all have the same look like Prague has the same look. I can meet a woman and go, you're from Jersey and go, oh, how do you know? It's like that. I just like East Coast girls.

Me too. I'm a East Coast girl guy, man. Well, yeah, I mean, I like classy women that dress nice. They got their own job. I don't need to see your titties and everything hanging out. I like like a Sophia Coppola.

You want them to hide those titties? I like when they hide their titties too. Yeah, hidden treasures. I love when they hide their titties. That shows you're a fucking confidence. I love that. And they got their own gig? Yeah.

That's a beautiful thing. That turns me on more than a chick that has her fucking cleavage out. Yeah, I don't need that. I like women with power. Yeah, me too. I got my own company. I don't care what you got.

I don't need it. If we like each other, it's on. We're a team. We're a power couple. I like that too. But I found in the East Coast, a lot of girls get like, I never, I fought all the time

with all my ex-girlfriends from Boston. I get out here. I haven't fought once with Paula. Like, I don't know if they're more high stronger or maybe I was just dating bad ones, but the East Coast ones was vital. Because you're not eating their asshole. Yeah.

And now this one don't let you eat her asshole. She don't like it. So you got friends now. You don't eat that, huh? I got a bend over and show you that fucking muffler. I'm like, he already said it. You don't eat that. And he goes, I'd rather not.

He'd rather not do anything. I love you, brother. Thank you. I love you. Thank you, man. Rock and roll. I want to thank Onit. I want to thank iandragontv.com,

hit E6.com and Nail the Life. Where are you at next week? Get on the road anyway. We want to push it. Yeah, what do we got here? Oh, I'm going to be in Indianapolis with Russell Peters at Crackers, December 4, 5 and 6.

That was my gig. And Russell bumped me that cocksucker and now I'm going in March. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They call me like this. Because it's getting ready for the garden. So yeah.

Crackers downtown, not the other one. Please come see me, meet me and hang out, man. Tell some rock stories, cocksuckers. And listen to my podcast, Let There Be Talk on All Things Comedy. And then this Wednesday, we're doing a live podcast to guest is Joe Rogan.

And Thursday Thanksgiving, we're doing a special fucking thing here at nine o'clock when we bring some turkey sandwiches. Oh, that's dope. Yeah. I'm just talking shit on Thanksgiving night. You know, if you're around, you may call.

I'll come down. I feel the homeless every year on Thanksgiving at the last minute. Yeah. I can't take that. I can't take that shit down. That drives me crazy. I tell you what, you get a sore arm.

Yeah. I always get fucking the mashed potatoes. Now I want to hit them in the fucking head. They're too fucking picky and they give you the evil eye. Fuck you. You get a free piece of turkey and you give me fucking attitude.

Fuck you. I'm walking out of the house to be nice to you. The one year I went down there, they were, fuck you and I will come by the house. I'll give you a turkey sandwich. I love you. Stay black. Again, to all my sponsors, we love you.

One more time to Dean Delray on it. Iron Dragon TV. Hitties6.com and nail the life. Stay black. See you Wednesday night at the motherfucking world famous ice house. 8 30 p.m. Be there or B squared.

Lee is going deeper and deep that night. Again, you just glazed over. That's a fun guest for Wednesday. I'm excited. Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, Joe Rogan. I'm gonna do the first set. Fuck, I brought him on stage

at the comedy store last week. Tremendous. And it was incredible to bring him up and then the guy that stuff he was doing was killing me. He's got this new stuff about just internet bloggers or YouTube commenters and stuff and I was dying, man. Guy's fucking great. Beautiful.

Hit it. All right, this show is brought to you by onnet.com, use code word church to get 10% off. If you go to hitesix.com, let's hit the letter esix.com. You're gonna get 20% off of the best esix and esigars. Better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape.

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And go to irondragontv.com and use code word joey to get two free rentals of any of their martial art movies in the Inman series. It's joey and you get two free rentals. And da, da, da, da, da, da, da. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. You know everything. It was a little more as they told us we should go

As I turned to you you smiled at me after they say no Oh, the fun to have to live the dreams we always had Oh, the songs to sing when we had last turned again It was a little more as they told us we should go As I turned to you you smiled at me after they said no Oh, the fun to have to live the dreams we always had Oh, to sail away to sandy lands by the day Oh, to trust the dream I'd never seen again

Oh, to the sun the south the north the lights the clouds the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to ride the wind to the end of the game Oh, to laugh about the gaps in life was a proud deal See the man who's pointing at the giants of our phones The guy who's following the curving path turns a beat to stone If one bell should ring a celebration for a game If I saw more it should be as proud of him as he is

Oh, the fun to have to live the dreams we always had Oh, to the sun the north the lights the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to the sun the north the lights the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to laugh about the gaps in life was a proud deal Oh, to the sun the north the lights the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground

Oh, to laugh about the gaps in life was a proud deal Oh, to ride the wind to the end of the game You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to the sun the north the lights the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to the sun the north the lights the moon You got yourself commitment to burn the pieces on the ground Oh, to the mighty arms of the earth

Oh, to the mighty arms of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth

Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth

Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth

Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth Of the earth