Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #237 - Joey Diaz, Tiffany Haddish and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

  Tiffany Haddish, Comedian, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Super Bad -James Brown I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet When The Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin Recorded on 12/07/2014

This podcast is brought to you by onit.com. Go to onit.com and use codewordchurch to get 10% off of any of their rate supplements like Alphabrain, Numu, Shumtec Immune, Shumtec Sport, Strongbone. It's codewordchurch to get 10% off. Also, go to naileditlife.com for the premier favorite pen on the market. For all the oil and wax smokers, the pen works with both of those. Use codewordjoe.dea as no spaces to get 20% off. The show is also brought to you by hitesigs.com. That's hit, the letter esigs.com. Better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you. Use codewordjoe's church. That's joe's church to get 20% off of your order. And again, this show is brought to you by irondragon.tv or irondragontv.com.

Either one works. It's a new Roku channel. We just had the owner on Dave. He was on the last episode. If you use codewordjoe, you're going to get two free rentals. They have the itman series for K-Technologies coming out soon. They sponsor Tim Kennedy. Go to irondragontv.com and use codewordjoe to get two free rentals. Oh, shit. Watch me. Watch me. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Oh, watch me. Sunday night edition. Monday morning, cockzuckers. Grab your cock. Salute the flag, motherfucker. Oh, shit. It's dropping. Grab it, motherfucker. What? It's super bad. What? The church, Lee Syed. Tiffany Haddish dropping on a Sunday night beer. You're going to sit there like a mutt on the couch. You know what? They're laying bed with Insomnia. 12 days to Christmas. Fuck that

shit. You're a bad motherfucker. You think James Brown had doubts? Play that shit. He was black. You're fucked up ass. But he took it to the whole very night. What? What? What? And I don't need no one else. What the fuck do you think you're dealing with, huh? Did you ever see the movie there of this? I'm talking about movies. I'm talking about real. Feel it. Feel this in your fucking heart, cockzuckers. There you go. I was in my fucking seven when this came out. I still remember walking from 205 West 88th Street for like 112th to some music store. It fucking just pushed me there on a Sunday night. Tremendous. What's happening, people?

I can't call it. Lee and Syed and I went to Vegas this weekend. I was going to do... Thank you for inviting me. No, please. You were going to sit at home the girl from who was fucking studying our weekend, right? I said, fuck it. Let's go. I was going to do Friday night at South Point. Dirty at 1230, which we'll get you on. We'll get you in the rotation. You drop in Vegas. By the way, I've been to Vegas like four or five times now. Every time I go to the South Point, I like it more. I hate the strip. The rooms are beautiful. You're off the fucking thing. You take a cab and you're away from everybody. You want a party? You shoot in there. There's no need to go to the strip. They have a movie theater, a bowling alley, bars, a ton of

restaurants. A fucking ranch downstairs. They got a movie theater. So when you perform there over the weekend, you just go to the lobby, go upstairs. They got midnight bowling. So if you bring a date with your mother fuck, you want to bring your bowling, then you fucking suck his asshole. You better be my husband. I'm fucking asshole. That's an ass. Thank you. I'll massage it. And I ain't gonna suck it. I might kiss it. That's disgusting on a Sunday night. That's when the devil shows up. Yeah. That's how you get tetanus of the tongue. What'd you lose, Cops? How much? 200. That's it altogether. Stop. No, that's all. Plus what? Plus the money in the sock. No, no, I just stop it. But every 20, it kills. You can hear it in

your voice. It doesn't kill me. I'm just doing it for fun now. But it's like, I went to a different hotel last night because I got to stay for the fights. And like the degenerate gamblers there were just crazy. They had Conspir, the casino was conspiring against them. And this guy lost $7,000. I'm like, I just want to have fun. So 200 bucks to me. That's not gonna, it was fun. But I had a great time. I was, I had always heard about Vegas, Vegas, Vegas. Wait till you go to Vegas. You're gonna have a great time in Vegas. And the first time I went to Vegas, I don't know, it was the coke I had. But from the time I got off the plane, to the time I got to the hotel, I just didn't feel right. And I went up to the hotel. I don't remember what hotel I stayed at or

like we flew from Newark to, I think I stayed for two days. I remember always feeling uneasy. And then I went back with some guys that were decent guys, and I didn't do drugs. And I don't know, I just, I saw what I always didn't want to be. Like that thing I didn't want to be at the time. So it always scared me a little bit too much. Because that could have been me, I could have been hanging out the sports books with tickets ripping them up in the fucking air, with porn tickets in my thing. My wife calling me, where's the fucking lunch money? That could have been me. I had an addictive personality. And I went through that in an early age. But then I realized I didn't like giving up my money. I didn't fucking like it. I didn't like giving somebody

money on a Thursday because I bet on some fucking basketball team and didn't cover the spread. So I don't know, I just never felt easy in Vegas. Whether I went and got taken care of, it didn't matter. I just never felt. No, a lot of people don't like it. But they're like, the food is great. That's a, I would, I call my mom today on the drive back and I was like, thank you for not taking me to casinos. There was a lot of kids there this weekend. Like little babies, cigarettes and shit. There was one lady carrying one breastfeeding one with that fucking addictive personality in the air. He's sucking your teddy and he's sucking that air. He's sucking addictive fucking deductive with sick cancer and fucking other carcinogens and shit. Good fungus. I don't know. I don't

know what kids do there. And token layer always says, oh, there's a bunch of stuff to do. But the parents who are there don't want to go to like the kids stuff. But they drop you off. I went there when I was a kid, my very first time there. I was like six or seven. And we went to circus, and they have like a daycare. And you play with a bunch of other strange kids whose parents don't give a fuck. And you spend a lot of time there. And you wait for them to come back and get you. That's crazy. And that's what happens. I don't have a need to go to Vegas and take the baby. And near does my wife. I offered her, I said, do you want to come for this trip? We'll take a Southwest flight, be there now. And she was like, I really don't want to take, you know,

I don't have a need to walk through a fucking casino with my child. But that's me. Everybody has different ideas. Everybody has different needs. People want to go to a pool, whatever the fucking, you know, yeah, fucking ours was my mom and dad at the time, stepdad. They were broke. And so the cheapest thing to do was get like a room in Vegas. We go through circus, circus. They drop us off with a little daycare. Then they go gamble or whatever. Or maybe they go back to the room and fuck. I don't know. And then we all go back to the hotel room. We eat at a buffet. And then we all go back to the hotel room. And yeah, that's what happened. Well, I was a kid. They didn't take me to Vegas, but they took me to Miami Beach. What titties was everywhere?

This is one. This is the seventies, the mid seventies. There was bikinis. There wasn't no nude beach. Then I knew as a child, Harry armpits and Harry crotch. I would see bikinis and I'd be curious. I'm not going to lie. And I saw a rat one time that always stayed with me by the pool at the Hawaiian Isles or whatever the fuck it was at the time. They had seven pools. So every year what we did was I would go down there the first week of July and I'd stayed on for like a week and a half, two weeks. And then the following week and my mother would come down from New York and we'd rent a hotel with Miami family on the beach and we'd get a different hotel. But it was all up to the kids because we'd pool hot at night. It was from a shitty hotel to the Newport hotel.

And we just go down South Miami Beach. This is 30 fucking years before South Beach ever was hit. This is North Miami Beach, the old Miami Beach. And I remember going from like the castaways, but the castaways, I think, don't quote me on this, had seven swimming pools. That's great. Swimming pools were always fun. That's the fucking law for me. I was a New York City kid. I always wanted, you know, my cousins could walk barefoot in the sun. I couldn't fucking do that as a kid. Because your feet burned? Yeah, my feet were burned. They would walk for a mile with those fucking feet. I'm thick because they were used to it. I was never used to that type of shit. I used to drive me crazy. So I liked all that swimming and stuff. And I remember being by

the pool one night, like 9.30, being like nine and shit. And I'm from New York City. I've killed some rats. And I'm sitting there. I ain't, I ain't nothing. At the time that's what you did as a kid in the New York City, killed rats. Like one every summer would pop out and you chase it and fucking get behind a car and then you corner and hit it with sticks. And you fucking throw rocks at it and then you hit it with more sticks. Then you drag it out and you keep hitting it and then cars would drive over it. And then you put it somewhere where a car would drive over it. Then you dragged it back with the stick and you hit it more than you put it with rocks. Then you got some glue or gasoline and you pour it on, you let it on fire. And then once you turned it off, you hit

it with some more fucking sticks. That's how Lee. I just have this image of like you looking the same but being really short. Just hitting with sticks. I'd be like 20 Puerto Rican kids. Oh my God. But I remember being on the beach one night and just looking at the ocean. I wasn't on the beach. I was a scary cat. Okay. So this is the beach. This is a wall. There's a place where people could lie. You know, like when they lie like this and get the sun like backwards on those beach chairs and they went around the pool. I was in this way looking at the ocean. I don't want to say I'm sitting there, right? Minding my own fucking business. I look over. I see something moving. I'm like, that ain't nothing moving. Lee, this had to be probably a fucking foot and a half rat.

Oh no. And I saw his little tail squirming. I just froze. I had seen him in New York pretty big, but this one took the fucking cake. Jesus. I don't know if I've ever seen a rat. Oh my God, he just ran. You've never seen a rat? I don't know. I mean, I lived in Boston, but I don't, I think I might have seen him in New York in the subway, but not like huge like that. Then about five minutes later, I heard and like, crap was chasing them down. Fucking like a little crab walking backwards, whatever the fuck they're doing. I'm like, I'm out of here. That was it for me. No more Miami beats. This is real, Jack. You know, I like going to the beach and picking up seashells and shit and listening. I'm like a retard,

but this is fucking real. Where'd you grow up? Tiffany Haddish. I grew up in South Central Los Angeles. Oh shit. Born and raised. Born and raised. Always lived in LA. High school. I went to El Camino Real High School in Woodland Hills, California. I was bussed to get up every morning at 5 a.m. and walk down to the bus stop and yeah, go to school. Okay. So they bussed you from South Central to Woodland Hills. Now, where you grew up, you know, Lee always talks about where his girlfriend lived and where they moved from. In contrast to what America sees on television, where is this film where you grew up? Like what TV show have you seen and go? That's why I grew up. Like where Moesha was living,

like Moesha, the TV show Moesha with Brandy. She was living in La Mer park area. Like, so I'm like right down the street from there. La Mer park is in Alvarado? No, not Alvarado, it's Crenshaw. Okay. My shop for Crenshaw. Paula always brings up training day. Is it like that? That's the jungles. I lived in the jungles for a little bit. That's on the other side of the Crenshaw mall. Where I grew up mostly, where I spent the majority of my time was over by the Slosson Swap Me or where the Coliseum. I believe, yeah, the Coliseum is right down the street. That's like two miles away. USC over there. USC. Yeah. And they bust you from down there to Woodland Hills. Who made that decision? The state, the city? I guess the, my school, I don't know. They had passed

out some paper style choices to integrate the schools. Yeah. Children in white neighborhoods and vice versa. I didn't see no white kids come to ours. They did that in Massachusetts where I grew up. They didn't send white kids. They sent kids from the city to the suburbs. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they sent nice white kids from there. They sent black people to Puerto Ricans. No Puerto Ricans. A couple Asians. You sit there and go, what the fuck is this? What do we do? No, they just sent black kids and Hispanic kids into Woodland Hills, but I don't remember them sending any to LA at all. No, no, no, no, no. That's because our schools were overcrowded, they were saying. And so at first, I got sent to Hell Middle School, once I had graduated from

elementary. I went to Hell Middle School and that was interesting. Yeah. That was my first time around a lot of white people. I thought only thought that white people lived in TV. That's what I thought, that like in my mind, all white people lived in TV. And whenever the police would go by or something, I'd be like, oh, look, they're going to get from chips. This is so fucking cool. Like, you know, or if the social worker showed up, I'd be like, oh my goodness, she was on a murder, she wrote. I think she was on murder, she wrote. Like everybody I associated with people on television. That's just what I did. So when I went to Hell Middle School and it's like all white, it's in Woodland Hills. Oh my God. And I get there and I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm at the Nickelodeon Awards.

This is so cool. I need to dress better. So I wore my like church dress for the next three days. Like I was really around a bunch of celebrities. And then I made a friend and I found out that her mama get food stamps too. And I was like, ah, shit, you just like my mama. Y'all ain't shit. Yeah. White chick. Then her mama have food stamps. And I was like, wow. Anyway, when did you decide that you liked movies and all this shit that we do? Oh, when I, when did I decide I like comedy? Yeah, in high school. Yeah. Well, comedy. Yeah, I decided in high school, like entertaining people that happened to me in sixth grade. It was Black History Month, right? And I was Diana Ross and my two friends that were twins was the Supremes behind me, right? And we was dressed all sexy and

stuff, looking all good, big hair, everything looking as sexy as a sixth grader can look. You know what I'm saying? And I had on heels. Now we have been doing shows. We had already did like five shows and killed it every show. Everybody clapped for us. The first graders, third graders, they loved us, right? So then we're doing the parents program. And the boy that I like a lot is at this show. And he's sitting right in the front. Okay. I come out as Diana Ross. I'm like, stop in the name of love before you break my heart. And I'm singing it all hard and stuff, even though the record player is playing way louder than my little microphone. But I'm singing it from my heart. And we moved to the side. And me and the girls had talked about this. If somebody

fall, we all fall like it's a part of the act, right? So we take two steps to the side. I fall, I slip over the court, fall down, leg goes over the side of the stage, dress up, everybody see my flower panties. I kick the record player. When I try to get back up on the stage. And then the boy I liked is just looking at me and I look, I turn around, look at the audience and I look at these bitches. They looking at me like, damn, bitch, you just showed your ass, right? They didn't say that. We was in sixth grade. They was just like, oh my God. And then I just looked at everybody and I started crying and I run to the back. And then my sixth grade teacher, Miss Matoya, she come back there and she got a big ass mold. She got a mold like I got, but hers like has a eyeball and shit,

like it's another person. And she come back there and she pointing, she pointing her finger in my face. She goes, you go sit back here and cry like a punk. And you don't get your ass on that stage and finish this goddamn song. You got to finish the song. And I was like, oh no. She's like, you gonna see you gonna cry like a punk? You gonna cry like a punk? Are you a punk? Are you a punk? And I was like, no, I'm not a punk. I'm not a punk. She's like, well, get your ass up and get back on the stage. So I get up, I go back on the stage. They have fixed the record player by then. Boom, the song comes on the curtains open, right? And I'm singing, but his tears coming down my face is the whole audience gets up and they start clapping and shit. And I hear this one lady,

she's like, that girl got courage. That girl got courage. And I'm like, I'm crying through the whole thing. And then the boy that I liked was like afterwards. The thing that made me decide though to be an entertainer was that it felt super good for all them people to stand up and clap for me and I'm crying. And that lady said I had courage and I was like, I'm always gonna, I said to myself in that moment, I always want to feel like this. And I always am going to have that thing that's gonna push me through no matter what. But then the boy that I liked, right? He came up, he said, you look so beautiful when you first came out and then you fell. And I thought that was funny. But then I saw your panties and I was like, dang, she's got on some nice panties. I was like,

you think my panties were nice? How old were you? 12. Are you a dirty freak? I was 12. That was the sixth grade. And then he said, yeah, you had some nice flower panties. And then, but he said, but when you started to cry, that was ugly. That was really, really ugly. And then he said, but then when you came back out and those tears were running down your face, I thought to myself, yeah, Tiffany's really beautiful. And that's like the first time a boy said I was beautiful. And I was like, you think so? And I tried to kiss me. He's like, what the fuck is you doing? And he just mushed my face. But what do you want to be at 12? I was just thinking about that. I don't know. I've been a veterinarian for a while, but I didn't think I could like cut open

like an animal. What kind of animal did you have at the house? I didn't. I didn't have a dog until I was like 13 or 14. That was when I first got my dog. What did you want to do with 10? Did you want to be a superhero or a comedian? Probably a superhero. Did you? Yeah, I had jobs. Like in second grade, I started at a weeding company. I did like three jobs. I put a sign up at the end of my driveway and let my parents' friends would hire me to like weed their gardens. Now you are a gardener. For like two days. I always had little jobs. Get you. Mexico came for two days. Pretty much. Yeah. I always had little businesses. Like, I thought right when the internet came out, my dad had got one of the first computers

and I thought we could do a business where we could print out stuff people wanted to read and sell them the pages and I don't know. Why do you ask me these questions when I'm super high? Because I didn't. I'm sitting here listening to Tiffany. I didn't know what we had never discussed or you wanted to be at 12. Like, did you ever think you'd be doing this? Like, what age did you record? My dad was doing this when I was at age. My dad did radio for 25 years, probably up until I was like 15. And I still to this day, I can't listen to the podcast I'm on because I hate the sound of my voice. But why it's so sexy. Now, when did you decide to go to the entertainment college? I started to do that up until my junior year of high school. I thought

I was going to go into marketing just because I thought it was like what like a real job. But I had always I had done every single video production class in my high school. So much that I started I was a TA like a assistant with my junior and senior year. And I went to visit a couple colleges like Bentley, a business college. I was just so boring. I didn't I didn't like it. And I went to see Emerson and just decided to go for it. I think I got 12 and wanted to be a soldier. Jesus, why? What kind of soldier like a soldier? Just like a G.I. Joe type soldier. Like I thought that's what I was supposed to do to go to the service. I come out and do

something else. I didn't know I was like a blind lion. Did you hear what's happening a lot now? What's people dressing up in fake army uniforms and going out and trying to get free stuff. And there's this one dude who put a video up like taunting people like I'm gonna I'm still gonna do it. It's called like stolen valor or something. People pretending they're the soldiers. Well, you know, people have been doing it for 20 fucking thousand years. Yeah, people can get those people that join the service and then realize it's not for them, but they heard something. But now every time you see them, they wear the fucking outfit. And they tell you how they went to boot camp and then they almost got deployed. But they got the

flu. They tell you some story. It's, you know, it's this fucked up thing. I didn't know why I wanted to be a soldier. I just thought that's what you did, you know, at that age. When did you decide to become a comedian? I don't know. I really don't know. I really don't fucking know. By the age of like 12 or 13, I had already heard prior. I had already heard that and it was mind boggling. It was mind boggling. We were saying it was mind boggling that you got on the stage and said that. But it was the farthest thing from my fucking mind, you know? It was nowhere even in the horizon. I thought I would either be a soldier or go to school and be an attorney. Again, it was blind alliance, allegiance. I didn't know what it entailed. I didn't know you had to go to

seven years of fucking law school. No. So it's just interesting. You would be a great lawyer. No, I always wanted to be a lawyer. That was my deal. If you would draw the reading and all that shit you got to do. That would have been fun. School to me was always very simple. I got left back not because I was stupid in the seventh grade, but because I fell in love with pussy. And it just took me. Like, it just took me. I mean, she wasn't really giving me pussy. She was just giving me the whiff. She was letting me dry on her and sniff her titties. And every once in a while, I just touch right above, just grab a little head, like just below the panty. I just grabbed a little head and she grabbed my hand.

It was crazy. And I just got under. It was over. Tiffany had it. Wait, once you got in, it was, that was it? You hooked up? Because that shit could be like crack. You sniffed her boobs. You know, when you're fucking 11 or 12, what do you think you do? You don't know what the fuck you do. This is all experimental, right? Before you do a woman show, you take it to the Comedy Central stage and you do experimental shit. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. You read about magazines, whatever you hear from your parents, whatever you hear on the street from the city pervert, you know, the sidewalk pervert. That's what you do. I don't know if you sniff a titt. I don't know. You sounded like you remembered sniffing a titt. Well, I got into that fetish later

around when I got on like 13. I was going to women's houses that I knew, like my mom's friends. And I'd asked to go to the bathroom. I locked the door. And in those days, women would always have two things in the bathroom. In those days, every woman had a douchebag hanging from the fucking shower. They would hang those douchebags? Yeah, like a bag, a water bottle, with a tube, with a fucking head, with things with a sprinkler at the end. I never sniffed one of those. I always looked at it and thought about it. I ain't gonna sit here and tell you I never thought about sniffing the fucking handle on a douchebag. But I wasn't that perverted. I wasn't that gone. I was, I was settled with the bra. I got very tight with the bra. Like I would sniff the middle of the bra and get

dizzy and shit. So that was my thing. Nipple swing. Yeah, it was, it was just, uh, you know, I always think that's very interesting to think back what you really wanted to do at 12. Then what you popped in your fucking head, what you wanted to do at 16. Right. Because then at 16, you hear your fucking moron friends talking. And you're like at 16. Now at 16, what were you thinking? Um, marketing, but it, yeah. I was thinking, um, some sort of entertainer, but I didn't know what. I knew I wanted to be an entertainer. Singing, dancing, getting in the water. I didn't know what, but something, whatever. Did you go to college? Uh, I felt like, yeah, I went to community college for a little bit. I got accepted in the NYU,

but I didn't go because I didn't want to leave my brothers and sisters behind. I didn't want to leave the state. I was scared too. So I just went to Santa Monica and I was like a freshman there, and they let me be in the play and they don't even let freshmen in place. What at junior college, but they let me in because I'm talented. And that was it. And that was it. I was on it. I mean, then I'll start working at an airline for a little bit, but yeah. What airline did you work at? I worked at American Air New Zealand in Alaska. LAX? Yes, LAX. And what'd you do for customer service? I was customer service. I provided excellent service too. That's the best. Jesus Christ. What year did you quit over there? 2003. No shit. Did you get flight benefits and everything?

Yeah. It was pretty nice. It's not bad. It was nice. I traveled around, you know, this little ratchetness here and there. And yeah, you weren't doing comedy then, though. I started doing comedy in 2001 or two. Now we hooked up in 2005 as friends. You and myself, Ralphie May, that's what we met. And we were discussing the time we went outside in front of the live factory. We had a showcase. We were all at the same agency at the time. And we had a showcase and after we were in front of there. And if I remember, Good Nights in Hollywood, it was one of those nights where you're just talking to people and nobody else mattered. It was just me, you and Ralphie telling you you had nappy hair then.

Yeah. Your shit wasn't tight. But you were very beautiful. I remember going, this fucking little chick is fucking badass. And you were just dropping truth, which a lot of people don't do in this town. You were talking about your struggles before and what a woman has to do. And you don't hear that much anymore. That part of your life. And what guys have to do, you know, I did some fucked up shit from 21 to 25, you know, you do it. Some of you remember, some of you don't fucking remember, you know, you do some crap. One time getting evicted from a motherfucking hotel. For what? And knowing it because I didn't have to rent. When I left there, I told him I'd have to rent at one. I got paid at five. I was working for a brick mason.

I worked all fucking week for maybe $250 carrying bricks and making mortar. I knew I was going to leave. It was 1985. I knew I was leaving Jersey. And I get to the hotel and I go, what's up, man? They go, hey, man, we threw you out. Some Indian guys like, we threw you out. Your stuff is in front of the hotel. That time I had a duffel bag and that was everything, guys. I had an army duffel bag, a blue army duffel bag that had been around the world and back, scammed on back of cars, you know. That thing had been everywhere. And I go over there and there it is. The army is right there. But I listened to the door and there's something, something's going on

in there. So I still had the key. I stuck the key and I opened the door and I hear a girl giggling and a guy and I look and they're in the shower fucking and the steam is coming out and I look at the bed and they've been fucking. I look at the bureau and there's a wallet and an envelope filled with fucking money. I just take the fucking money. I take the fucking wallet. I close the door gently. I grab that duffel bag and I run like a motherfucker. I run like a motherfucker across route four, whatever it is going into the George Washington bridge. There I am running with this fucking thing. I make a blap the fucking right. And right there, right in that area, like I saw a cab and I go dog, let's take, let's go into the city. I look in the envelope and it's fucking 50s and hundreds.

You know, that was that prostitute's money. She mad as shit. No, it was like, it was like a bag money, like a bag money. It was a brand new 50s and hundreds. He might have been a politician about to pay this whole. I paid the guy 50 bucks. He took me into Port Authority in New York. I walked up the corner. I checked the blue fucking duffel bag and Port Authority there. There used to be lockers. Boom. I put the lock on 178th. I cleaned out the wallet running the men's bathroom. I took the fucking cash out of the envelope. It must have been like $4,000 on a Friday night at six o'clock. Here I'm carrying breaks for 250 a fucking week. I remember fucking going to my

neighbor buying a bag of rock, walking two more blocks, buying a bag of fucking reefer. That's when I used to go right by the Carvel there and there was a dude who sold chocolate tieweed and only three blocks down, you bought some powder and I went right back to Port Authority, checked my fucking bag out of the thing, got right back on the bus, right back to Fort Lee, got a cab and he took me to a hotel, like three down from the hotel I had just robbed. From the gas station I had robbed three weeks earlier. I had robbed that gas station right by the hotel three weeks earlier, not a gunpoint. I did an application. This is fucking craziness. So what I'm trying to say to you is we do crazy things in our life that right now you think about

and go, Joey, that was pretty fucking sleazy. Maybe those people put away the money. Who didn't give a fuck at that night? They probably got beat up. At that night, that was snow. I don't know if she was a hooker. Maybe they were lovers. Maybe who fucking knows what they were. That man is accusing her probably to this day of stealing his shit. She probably, he's like, you get in her pussy. I know it. Like whoever was looking over me, the guardian angel that night, I went in and out of there. Like they fucking got out of bed and go, what happened to my money? I don't know. I put, no, I left. Jesus, do you think so? Oh my God, call the police. Like at that time I would have called, and I was stupid in hindsight. I went to a hotel,

like three, but it was a nicer type of hotel. I checked on, and those days you have to have my dick. No. You just told me, your name was fucking Joey LaBamba. Boom. Boom. How many times did you just run into hundreds and thousands of dollars? You've told me like seven stories. And now he always got a theft story. It's a, it was an uncanny thing. Like you have to think you have some type of guardian angel. So like we were at the UFC and that tip jar, would you have taken that before? No, no, no. I wasn't to that level. No. Okay. No, no. I'm at the UFC sitting down having a good time with these tip, take a tip jar. They're going to, everything's on camera. Why no now? But even then, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying now

you're going to steal anything. You don't need to steal anything now. No, no, no. I'm not laughing because I took a tip jar. I'm laughing about a dear friend of mine that said one night he was in the club and I have another dear friend. He's no longer with us, but I loved him like a brother. One of my all time favorite people, Tiffany Haddish, and he was crazy. This guy was like five foot six and he was fucking yoked up. He had been doing steroids since he was 15. The dudes he was doing steroids with were gay. He was sharing a needle. He ended up getting hepatitis C. This motherfucker didn't give a fuck. We'd be at a bar drinking, snorting, co, and I go be money. Darren, take off your shirt, do push ups. And he'd take a shot at a bar

packed in Jersey, take off his shirt, do push up. I tell him jump on the bar, do the crab. He jumped up there. We loved him. He was tougher than shit. Oh my God, my point. I'm fucking high than fuck. Oh, I know. Oh, so I had never been to UFC before. Like, thank you. He's not going to listen, but thank you to Jeff for giving me the tickets. But I get to the hotel. Before we even go to the room, you break out a joint, then you take me up and you give me half a cheaper. I did not give you a half. I was at least a third. It was a second. It was a third. I didn't give you half because I knew you couldn't handle what happened to you. When I give you a half of a 70s, you can't handle it. No. So I would never do that to you. During the thing you would have an anxiety attack,

which you already had during the intro of the UFC, Tiffany is so strong. Like it's so the music, the fucking videos, the music is so strong. And I knew it would take, it takes me still. That's my favorite part. That's my favorite part of the whole fucking night is closing my eyes and being high and the fucking music, the speakers. Yeah, that, that vibration is the natural that activates your blood. Except for that girl behind us. That girl made me laugh so much because she was so terrible. Like she's, she was like the comedian in the group, but she was saying awful jokes, like kick him in the dick. And she, she thought I was hysterical. Doing an all like hat, hat, hat. The whole night. Every once in a while, I would look,

she would get into my fucking head, Tiffany. And I would look and I would just look away, like I didn't even get involved. I'm not sure though. The worst thing you could do with those things is mingle with people. Right. Because once you mingle with them, you ain't going to shut them the fuck up. I know this is some known comedy. Yeah. All right. What's your name? Whatever. Okay. They just look straight and they'll get the hint. They'll get the fucking hint after two minutes. So listen, I ain't here to fucking make friends. Okay. I'm here to watch the UFC. You want to ask questions? Not now. Ask them some other fucking time. Ask me about the bar. But right now I'm watching this, but there's an attitude you have to take. If not, I'm sorry, they'll keep fucking

harassing your dog. And he didn't, he was just drunk and he was a sweet other guy. But that's a great fight. What do you want to talk about? What do you want to talk about now? What do you want to, what part of, what matter? What, right now, right now you want to get biography. Or maybe she was like how I am. I'd like to like yell out things to make me feel like they less than when I'm watching them at sporting events. No, really? No, no. Yeah. I like to like, what you call that, like to belittle them. I'd be like, yeah, look at that ass. Your ass so tight in them pants, gone number 47. Yes. Oh, them balls just hit him in the neck. Oh, shit. You shat that dick. Like, I like saying stuff like that. No, no, this is, this is a white event. He's a

wider than white people. That dude had a golden phone receiver over his neck. He would point out people that were dressed weirdly and he would just be like, what do you think his asshole smells like? Look at this fucking move. There was a guy, I mean, listen, those tickets that we had were $1200 seats. I know. They sift people out. I don't know. What is this? What did he say? I think it's a thousand. Yeah, a thousand base. These people are not animals. So these four chicks paid $800 a ticket. They came from whatever hell hole. Listen, $800 a ticket. If you want to take your pussy out, fucking drilling it. I can't say nothing to you. You know, at those events, unless you break my air, there's nothing I could say because I have the same, but remember,

but remember that goes two ways that I could do. I could get dirty and I could get stupid. So when I start yelling, I hope your mother gets hit by a train. I hope you get cancer in your asshole and you start crying because your aunt Lucille died of cancer 18 years ago when I was a little girl because you got three Valkyrie martinis in you. Don't fuck with me either. You understand me? That goes two ways. So I could fall into the game, but me, I'm a professional. I got a chibichu in me. I got voices in my head. No matter what, I'm watching motherfuckers get beat up. I'm thinking about the next move. We walk in and that dude gets kicked in the head. Yeah, the guy, John Sammon, fucking knocks this motherfucker out with a leg with a head kick.

Beautiful. Pay right from the book. Whatever you need to do on the street, whatever you do for a living, you want to kick somebody in the head, watch that fucking footage from last night. That was the opening fight that we saw. Then you're right a favor. And then there was a little break and it opened up with all those other guys. We saw the main car. We were very fortunate to go. You know, Joe gets six tickets, but even when we got there, there was a guy sitting next to me. You saw, he started asking me a question. I thought you knew that guy. No, I don't know nobody. Oh, you didn't know him? No, I don't know nobody. I don't know nobody. I don't know nobody. I'm not that a mingle. I'm not that I take pictures.

I'm there as a fan, just like you. Why are you fucking with me? You know what I'm saying? Why are you fucking with me? And the area was cool. The dudes in front of me was cool. I really was cool. Yeah. The chick, they shut the fuck up after a while. They could not out talk. There's no woman that got out. Is it just me? Or does UFC fighting look like right? Even looks great to me. It's just like man right? It's just a different type of battle. Now, you know, we have all these human beings who want to see more shit in 30 years. Maybe we'll see motherfuckers handcuffed and fighting with a knife. That's what I'm waiting. It did feel like a gladiator thing. Like when I was there, it's very strong. It's a very fighting to the death in Greece. I was like, oh, and then do you

remember when that guy got kicked in the stomach? And you could like you couldn't hear a lot of the punches, but that it went crack right in the stomach. It was like one of the last fights. You'll remind us maybe. That was a great fight. I flew back this morning with big John McCarthy. Okay, I flew back on the first flight as usual. Fuck it. 655 like a motherfucker out of Vegas. Get out of here. That's crazy. Fuck you. I walked right through the whole thing. There wasn't a soul there. What did I get to eat? Yogurt in a cup. That's what I ate this morning. Fuck it. I didn't want to go too crazy. We ate pretty nice. How bad were your farts last night? This morning, I mean, after the no chicken dog. No, you had yogurt. Yeah, but my fart, that's tremendous. It

balances me out the pH of my stomach. I ate chicken last night. I didn't eat meat. You didn't have steak. I was surprised. No, no, no, I can't eat steak and then go to bed. That's not good, Tiffany. I'm 51. It clogs you. It makes your body work harder at night. You don't get a good night's sleep. I already have problems. I already got insomnia. I'm already only gonna sleep fucking three hours. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What about the white soccer mom in the elevator up to your room who you told to stay black? And you would know you were okay. First, he was telling white soccer. She drives like a Lexus SUV. He's in there telling her a story about a friend of his who has a tattoo above her pussy and some all these horrible

This is a gay dude. It's fucking hysterical. And this woman's just looking at him like, uh-huh, uh-huh. The lady walks, listen, we get on the plane. I get on the fucking elevator with Lee and I'm telling Lee, Lee goes, how do you know this guy? I go, we came up together at the comedy store. I go, I love her like a sister. I go, but she's fucking nuts. The girl's compass is off. In life, sometimes a woman's compass gets off and you make three or four bad men decisions. You really have to stop as a woman and go, do I continue this? Let me take a year off a dick. Let me get a vibrator, a cat, get a vibrator with hair, one that blows grenades in my asshole. And let me get my- I got one with pearls. And let me get my compass back. Let me get my female

compass back. One guy hit me. The other guy cheated on me. The other guy fucked my sister. I'm doing something wrong. I need normal human being would say that. I could flip this around and be in a man. If your first wife left you, the other one killed herself and the other one left you for fucking Louie, there's something going on. We're not doing something right. I would analyze. I had those problems. I know. I understand. That's why I've been with this one for 14 fucking years. Because, you know, when you were late, when my marriage didn't work, it destroyed my insights for a long time, not as a whatever. It may be more as a Catholic and a man in the way, like, how do you fail in marriage? Yeah. How the fuck do you fail? This is easy. You know why we fail now?

Because we married a motherfucker. We meet at a casino. And he sucks our pussy, right? And we splash on his face. And this is my man. No, we didn't even give this motherfucker a chance. After he's going to bring his mommy in, next thing you know, you're working and he's supporting his mommy, you're like, what the fuck? Why the fuck? Motherfucker fucked me good one time since then. He's talking about mommy, that she makes the best rice and beans and whatever. Same thing, flip side. So we were talking. We would talk. We went one day, they got a bag of weed. And she asked me like a woman, like, what's my problem? I said, here it is, man. Take a year off. You don't gotta do nothing. I mean, the last motherfucker cheated on you. The one before that,

you checked on his email and the motherfucker was when you were working, he was dancing for old dudes that were 60 years old with panties on and it's not met. And your pussy's got his name on your pussy. You understand me? Once you put your man's name on your pussy and the relationship goes sour, it's either time to see a counselor, see a fucking doctor or get it to light a candle, kill an animal, sacrifice a motherfucker. Do you understand me? There's certain things that you do as a judge. Now you take not even a year off, move to Vegas and you marry your motherfucker that's gay. So we're talking about this. She's telling the story the same exact words and the most soccer mom. The widest woman comes in

and you know when these bitches interrupt and you fuck it. You know what? You want to hear, you got the balls to press the fucking elevator button. Let me drop this motherfucker on you. She looks at me like, hi. Let me tell you what I was telling my buddy here. We know this chick that married a gay dude, put his name on her vagina and I broke it down just like that. And it's seven seconds. This lady looked at me and all of a sudden I got off and I go, stay black. That poor fucking lady. That's what was going on. That's what was happening. That's crazy. You know a bitch that put a gay man's name on her pussy. That one wasn't gay. That's the one that was emailing old guys going to the house and putting on like a wig and putting

on like super bad. And then you put money in his G thing. Then he'll suck your dick maybe with a condom in his mouth or whack off for you and the old man has to sit there with his hands on his side. That type of dude. What? So he's like gay but not gay. Right, right. He's like, I'm just trying to get money right here. Y'all try to support the family. This ain't that bad. I'll come over, take my clothes off. It's easy work. You can't fucking touch me. You can sit there, whack off. I don't want to look whatever you do. I'll dance. It's $22 a song. What do you mean? The last fact that came over here, I paid him $12.50. I gotta take $15 because my bowls will be clean. I'll let you know what? At the end of each dance, I'll scratch my fingers like you sniff them.

Right, what the fuck? You got to do what you got to do. Three, four songs is $60. That's how you have to look at this. One of the creepiest ones. I've done last minute for more. One of the craziest TV shows I worked on was about weird couples and it was this woman married to a dude who said he was straight but was doing gay porn and was trying to like, oh yeah. She looked so sad. She was like telling her sister like, no, he just does this to support us. And this dude was so gay and this girl looks so sad. He's getting banged in the muffler. So you're not an actor. You're living it. What the fuck? The saddest scene in the entire show. You know, Kamming, you know how girls can go

in front of webcams now? Well, he was webcaming and she needed to get something out of the bedroom and she was crawling on her hands and needs to get something out of her bedroom. Well, her husband's like jacking off for guys on the internet and I love him so much. And I was just like, oh my god. Oh, that's horrible for that. Listen, she's no self esteem. I don't give a fuck if you're fucking Marlon Brando. You're not going to fake getting a dick up the ass and say you're not gay. That's a commitment. That's a commitment that's passed, gone, done. That rabbit doesn't die, cock sucker. Yeah, that's gay. Even if you put your dick in somebody's ass. Well, maybe not the Cubans that go to prison. They have that whole system I've discussed it before where

they bang in the muffler and you have to suck that dick, but they don't do nothing to you. And you have to act like a woman. It's like a prison thing. I'm sure people do it before the first people. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You have to act like a woman. These guys are married. So let's say me, you and Leah in the cell and you're a man. And I come in and I just start smacking you and smacking Lee. Fuck you, motherfuckers. And also I pay money. I get two wigs and I make you and Lee put on wigs. And then I make you both my freaks, right? And you would suck my dick. I'd fuck you in the ass and you two Lee too. You'd only suck my dick and nothing else. I would not let you fuck me in the ass or nothing. You don't give us no hand jobs,

nothing. You just use us like buckets. We just come buckets. You fuck us in the ass so your balls are hitting our balls. Yes, no. You don't bring me coffee. And every time I sit there and watch TV, you got to rub my shoulders with your wig on, twist it in your fucking beard. And make believe you're enjoying it. And I'm sitting there like a fucking, I'm like, I'm running things. Like you a king. And guys come in like with messages, like wave them in. Get off me, bitch. And I get up and smack them and they fall down and cry. Shut up. And I look at you and I go, this will happen to you if you rub my shirt. This will happen to you. Stop it. And then just out of manhood, I'll smack you too. And then what do you want, man? I am boss. I'm

sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt. You know, white people are cutting it on time. Well, listen, you go out there and you give my fucking message. And then one of the black dudes fixing his wig, you walk in with him, you give him a message. You tell him I said, I don't fuck around and you smack the black dude's wig off. Fuck it. Suck my dick, bitch. Isn't it crazy that that's your job to think up stories like that? So you get super stoned and like come up with a whole scenario where you get the mop in of the Cuban jail. Who knows? This is probably actually happening. This is gonna happen in Ebolaville. Where's Ebolaville? In Africa. Where the fuck do you think Ebolaville is,

fucking Belly Hills? Where they first started testing Ebola? Jesus Christ, Lee. All right, so that's why they call it Ebola. Wait, wait, you gotta get me off the top. You want me to have that G-Boat you know? No, those three. Yeah, that story brought to you by Auntie Dolores and her cookies of death. How were they? How what? Are you high right now? Yeah. Yeah, he's fading. Look at him. He's starting to look Asian. Are you high on the edibles? Are you? Yeah. There's only three milligrams. No, it wasn't. You look like you about to pass out. Are you gonna lie there? Go ahead and start rubbing your nipples, Lee. Lee, will I lie to you? Lee, there you go, Lee. Yes, you would. So, Lee, wait a second. Sorry that Tiffany asked. We have to discuss something.

Yes. So break this down to me before you never had your nipples suck before. Never. Okay, so. You get hot when they suck your nipples. Yeah, it's good now. When they suck your nipples, you play with your little Cuban neck. No, no, no. What do you do? You play that like a fucking mortal devil? It doesn't happen that often, but one of the worst online dates I went on, this girl bit my nipple like hard and made it bleed. So, like, after that, I would tell girls, like, get away from there. Get away from there. He's bringing up for a reason. Don't put your mouth on my heart. So, now you enjoy it. Yeah, it's okay. She just sucks them gently. Yeah. And what happens if you get erect? Do you sweat heavy? I'm not high enough to even do that question.

No, what happens to you just lay there and all like a fucking hole? No, he does this, what he's doing right now, turn red and get a good length there. Smile all hard. Because you would make fun of me. You squeeze your nipples and tell your lover, what are you doing? She fucking said, you just sit there like Jesus laying there with your arms out. No, you can do something. You smack that ass, right? What you do? I don't know. What are you doing in that situation? I don't know. I don't like my nipples sucked. I just don't like it. It makes me feel fucked up. I don't like it. I don't like that shit. I was a chick that wanted to put coke on my nipples and suck them, coked up when I don't need that shit.

That's just embarrassing. It might be a camera, you're sucking my nipples, it might tickle me. I've sucked on so many man nipples. It's crazy. And then you try to look up at them in their eyes. They like it. You like that shit, don't you? I didn't think I would. He's getting moist right now, thinking about it. Didn't think you would. You like everything. You're dirty freak. No, I'm not going to like, you always want to be like a girl's asshole and disgusting stuff. Where you like sucking your little nipples. Yeah, what is so much like, what's the, you always talking about looking assholes. What's the deal with that? Like, what's the, it's a fantasy. What's so good about it though? I mean, that's what shit comes out of there.

No, no, you wash it. If you take care of that thing. Yeah. And you have like a luffa. Luffa. And you keep it up. It's beautiful. A woman's muffler should not smell like nothing like that. I think mine smells like medicine or whatever. It doesn't smell like that. It doesn't smell like that. You can't. I've never been in a woman's muffler where it smells like she just took a fucking dump. I never really had. I'm very, very fortunate. Did you ever have a girl lick your butthole? Yeah, and I didn't like it. It's disgusting. It sounds terrible. I'm too uptight for that shit. I talked that big game. Well, I'm too uptight. I don't want to listen. I know for fact my asshole is disgusting. Describe your asshole right now. When a woman

sucks my asshole, I know that she's doomed. If a woman doesn't look at me and prejudge it, she's doomed. Why would you suck my asshole? Okay, a nice ball lick never killed no. My balls are nice. I clean them. But my asshole, you're taking a chance. That's the way I look at it. I wouldn't go up to some chick. I would just look at somebody and judge it. I could tell what their asshole smells like. Look at that. They're looking at the jeans. That's your favorite activity. We're sitting at a slot machine and every girl smells like that's it. And he knows the size too. He's like, that's a fat pussy. And then he's like, Oh my God, I love it. That's what you do. There's really tall blonde girl walk by. He's like, her pussy's this small. Yeah, they're

beautiful, but they're five, eight, and they weigh 100 pounds. When you go down there, it's two hip bones. Oh, that's under the valley. You hold on to it and you lick it and there's nothing there. It's tight and it's nice. And that's nice for a while. But sometimes you want to turn up the fucking heater, you know, I just need some meat on you on your monkey, right? My ex told me that my asshole tastes like chicken. That's disgusting. That's why he's your fucking. He's like, can I get some of that chicken? That's why he's your fucking. I want to eat some of that chicken. It's really weird how you judge, you prejudge somebody sometimes. If you see a dude that weighs 500 pounds, you're not going to go, I want to suck his dick. That's not the first thing.

You know, think about neither with us. No, I would think I want to eat dinner with him. But for some people, they'll look at that person and go, she's hot. Lee likes a Spanish or a sister that's got some meat on their bones. When I was a freshman, all bets were off with me. Like I was just a regular kid. I went to school with white chicks, though. So I like white chicks. There was a couple in the eighth grade, I liked this Puerto Rican chick from Kennedy School. But besides that, there was white chicks in my neighborhood. But when I went to high school, it was mixed. But there was this little Sicilian chick, this little white little chick with a little Pat Banzar head, dude. This little freak walked by me. And I noticed something. I noticed I saw something I had never

seen on a woman before in these pants on that particular day. I'm not meaning this in a weird way. A lot of women don't know this. A lot of young women listen to the podcast. It was like, you look at the vagina and you could see what's under there. If I like you, it's not even a camel toe. It's not a camel toe. It's just shaped a certain way. And with imagination, you could just do it. And so, oh my God, she's fucking beautiful. And I was in love with this girl. I would look at her, I would go to, I was freshening your geometry. I would go to that class just to see what she would wear or type of jeans. And I never told nobody. I would just go to that class and I estimated that that time that her pussy probably weighed 40 pounds. I would say that to myself every day.

She had a heavy pussy. Oh, a heavy pussy. You'd say that to yourself. You're like, would you straw for like 50? You're like, no, it's not 50 pounds, but it's more than 30 pounds. Yeah, yeah. I fell in love with this girl because of how she was packing it. There was a certain way. 50 pounds, 40 pounds. It was just meaty. And never was a camel toe. It was always a meaty booty. How do you know it wasn't a penis? Because you knew it was there because years later we hooked up. Oh, okay. It wasn't 40 pounds. It was tremendous. It was true. I don't understand. How do you put weight on pussy? I don't know. That's how perverted I was. That's how my mind, you know, women look at guys' feet. Women look at guys' hands. Women look at guys' bulges, their ass. Women will go,

oh, he looks kind of dirty. I know these girls one day that were telling me stories. There were two chicks hanging out and they were just telling me how they judgment. I look at their fingers, their feet, their fingers, their teeth. It's very seldom. So they, we also do it. But you don't look at a dude. You look like you got greasy hair. If you got greasy hair in public, you know, his ass only gonna smell like fucking Lloyd's of London. You understand me? It's gonna smell like a fucking death rot. My grandma always taught me dirty fingernails. If he got dirty fingernails, he got dirty dick. Just know that. That's it. That's it. Dirty fucking fingernails. How are you going to let that man stick his fingers into

your vaginal fucking face? Yeah, you're going to get a yeast infection. You're going to get something nasty. He's in there with his fucking dirty fingernails and shit. I mean, I bite my fingernails, but before I go on a date, I usually, you know, when I was younger, I would nail file them. I don't want to hang them. You got clean nails though. Yeah. If that fingers, that's fat dick. No, this is, this is tremendous. This is a savagery shit. The head's very round. You're killing me. You're killing me. I'm a peony on top of this. But it's just, it's not, it's not nothing. I'm sure any other young men did at the fucking age of 14. I just looked at it and I just felt, she had a beautiful face. She had a big ass, but it was flat. But the pussy was so tremendous. I

overlooked the ass. You understand me? What about that one on that girl in the black dress last night? It was like the, the Kardashian, but it like was like huge. Remember that big girl with the huge ass last night? Oh, no, she was no Kardashian. No, no, she didn't look good. She was no fucking Kardashian. Which went out, I'm saying. Oh my God. It was, it was, you know, you look at P, again, you don't want to judge, but some people you look at Las Vegas and go, you don't belong. Come here. I felt about that way about handicapped people in casinos. They shouldn't be in casinos. You're already not lucky. What are you doing in a casino? No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about chicks that you look at and you're like, why are you here?

Why are you here? You got, you're taking down these three hot chicks. These three little hot chicks came for dick. And you're the fucking, what's that thing with the ship throws over? You're the anchor that you're not going nowhere because of you. They're like, keep looking at you all miserable. That's it. Me and Lisa there by the elevator at the end of the night. And we'll be just talking. There was a couple with a gray tie and she had a green suit on. You reminded me. I forgot. We were fucking high. We were fucking high. Friday night I got there at 10. My flight was an hour delayed. Tiffany had a job. I had a Burbank airport between you and I. I didn't give a fuck because it was Vegas. I knew everything was running late

anyway. I knew I, when I got that plane, I knew it was going to be a late. It's never, it's the last flight of the day. If every flight is 10 minutes late, it's the same plane guys. It's not like they're coming in from somewhere else. It just keeps going back and forth, picking up, dropping off, picking up, dropping off. They shut down at two, then they start again at five, bing bang, bing bang, bing bang. So fucking nine o'clock. They don't fly in or out of Vegas. I think you could fly into Vegas. That's the last flight. 835 is the last flight that flight took off at 940 for fucking 20 years. I've been telling Lee, Lee, their flight's 35 minutes, but after 911, they went, the prices went up so they couldn't justify it. So they drive around Vegas a few

times. And then all of a sudden they say it took an hour. This motherfucker, Lee, how long? I called you at 20 to fucking 10 and I landed at 1011 31 minutes 10 by like, because I was getting ready to come pick you up. And I was, it was 1015. You're like, I'm here. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Because it's right down the street, right down the fucking street, Burbank to fucking Las Vegas. This mother, that was the first time ever they didn't serve peanuts or soda. They said, no, we're running into turbulence. There's no turbulence. This motherfucker said, watch this, watch my shit. Watch my shit. I'm gonna break the record today. 31 minutes. Boom, bumper to bumper. Today we got on. And the lady said it. She goes, it's, uh, this is welcome to

your 755 flight to Los Angeles to Burbank is supposed to arrive at nine. This is a 40 minute flight. Boom, we landed at eight fucking whatever. I got to my doorstep at nine a.m. What a fucking thing to do. I'm just going to know what time you got to flying your limitation. I got into Vegas at 10 30. I took a cab to the hotel. I checked in everything. Everything was easy for crazy. They picked us up. We went over to the fucking south point to have that dirty at 12 30, which Ralphie may put together. That's that's what I'm saying. The Ralphie may put that deal together. Oh man. So it's a big 300 people. You fucking destroyed. Yeah, the bar was packed. Bar was packed. Tiffany had this. You'll fuck those motherfuckers up. Yeah, I would. You'll be

back on the way Saturday morning. That's what's up. So, uh, we went. We met some people. We met my brother. Token there. Yeah. Bad motherfucker. Me too. He's a nice fucking kid. He's a savage. Token layer. We didn't hook up with him. Is he an Indian? No, his name is Larry. And he was talking about his name. No names. No names. It's okay. Okay. He should just say, yeah, he's Indian. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you ready? You're not supposed to do that. It's not like a secret. Yeah. Yes, it is. We don't release names like that. You know what I'm saying? The heavy duty people. You never know who's listening, man. That's right, man. The government, the all around. Oh, shit. It's Monday. Get it together,

cocksucker. You got, I don't know how many days, 15 fucking days before Christmas. 16. Yeah. Well, something Monday's to pick you up, little TB. When somebody breaks your heart. No. After the show, we'll drop that chibichu. Oh, no, go away. What do you mean, go away? He's like, no, no more drugs. No. So, and yesterday we hooked up at what time? Five? Six. We had a chibichu. We smoked a half a number. We went to the fights. We had nice seats. Thank you, Joe Rogan. We sat a, who else came? My nephew. Yeah. And then Joe's two friends. And then Joe's two friends came, which was cool. Justin was cool as shit. Yeah, Justin. We watched the fights. I got you

out of there before you got caught in the fucking crowd. Yeah, because I took care of your uncle, Joey. So he told me when I got there, don't drink anything, but I had two drinks, so I had to pee. I could see when I told you I had to pee, you would have like, he's never coming back because he thought it was too long of a walk, but I came back right before the last fight and you guys were like, oh, we'll go to the bathroom and you kept saying, oh, I'll be back for you. And I knew you weren't coming back. First of all, let me break it down for you. So you didn't come back? Let me break it down for the fucking breath of many units. Okay. First of all, as a lot of people know, I may not know the last week and a half, I was getting, I went swimming the one time and then

one time I went to Philadelphia and I laid down the tub and I just took like a little nap and the next day I had that shit when you were swimming. Vertigo. Vertigo. Vertigo. So I was a little nervous all week. So Friday, Thursday, I got to go to the doctor Wednesday and he set up a dizzy thing. So this dizzy thing, you go in there, you stand on a thing, it's like a ship. Then you lay down and they just spin you around with goggles on. That was terrible. I got so fucking stoned. Why did you do that? Before the test? I didn't know. I didn't know what it didn't tell. I had this weed. It was a sativa, which never fucks me up. This New York sour diesel and I found that it was nice and dry. Like I like it. Before that, excuse me. So the fucking test

was at 1230. This is 10, 30, 11 o'clock in the morning. Right. I need to quickly pick it up. I had mercy in the morning. I couldn't get high. So this is my first high of the day. You guys found them and you know it. If you know anything about your motherfucking reefer, that first one, that's the Mac Dizzy Doosal. That's the one that you need 30 minutes just to recover from your creative juices come in. You get a little higher than usual, but sometimes you take a chance. Sometimes this weed might be a lot more than what you anticipated at 1230. And this should take you to a different level. I always like sativas to start off the fucking morning. A strong sativa, a sativa that takes you over the top, makes you want to get out and fucking see the sun. It gets you so high

that you go out in the sun. That's that mine high that it gave you, right? There you go. But the problem is when you go inside, that high becomes something different, Lisa. So I smoked as a team. I get in the fucking car. I drive over Laurel Canyon, cut a truck off on the other side of cold water, zipping the motherfucking BV, make a fucking left, right, deep into the heart of BV. What's BV? Beverly Hills. All the fucking bullshit on bullshit, right? Make a fucking, make a fucking right on whatever the fuck it is. Go all the way down to the end of hell where it meets bullshit and the other bullshit and the other shit where you're fucked. You make the wrong turn there. San Vicente. San Vicente. You're fucked. You're fucked and ain't no more, okay?

You're late to out, bitch. You better call up wherever you're meeting going. Let's make this for an hour later because I'm headed to fucking Huntington Beach by mistaking shit. There better be a whale and breakfast and shit. Your day is fucked up. Okay. You best be paying attention. You better not be on the phone because your shit will get fucked up. I make the right. I go upstairs. I go to the same doctor that I've been going since I had the ear infection. I walk in, they put me on a sit-down. During the sit-down, I asked a pee and when I walk out of the pee, you know how they give you the fucking big key and I go to the bathroom and open on the way back, I'm like, oh my God, I am fucking zapped. I go in, they got water with lemons because

they're white people. They got water with lemons and cups and shit. I start drinking like three cups of water. I'm so fucking high and there's a people magazine. I'm reading the people magazine and this little Puerto Rican dude looking at my fuck comes out and he goes, Joey, Jose, come on in and they sent me down. They're trying to break it down for me. This really fucking happened. And they go, all right, get on this thing and look out the window. Now, when I go into a room, if it don't have a window, that shit gives me anxiety. So they got a window and I stand on this thing and you have to close your eyes for 30 seconds and breathe and that was cool dizzy. But then they sat me down and they put me in like a dentist shit. But at the same time,

but they put these goggles on my eyes. My shit got dark. I was really stoned because that's what your mind naturally does. And I was a kid. I used to go to the planetarians in New York City and watch the who and the yes. And what you do is you put goggles on and they play all this shit and you see like stars, but they're playing music. It was the same thing to me. So my eyes were closed. Guys, they kept saying, please, Mr. Diaz, open your eyes. Please, Mr. Diaz, open your eyes. And I could see my eye through one of the lens. And I was so high it wouldn't open. Find the guy had to stand behind me and open my one eye and finally goes, that's it. Put tape on it. They put fucking tape on my fucking eye, guys. They put tape on my eye. I can't believe

they didn't say come back, not high. No, they knew. I even tell the guy, my eye is open, you fuck. My eye is open. Stop. What the fuck? My eye is open. He's like, look at the tape. My eye would not open. My eye was doomed, doomed. I got out of there in 40 minutes. I drove home. Oh my God. So now I go to the UFC. Yeah. Now you know I'm crazy. Did you know that? Yeah, I know that. Okay, so I know you're longing up to love it. I had a chibichu at, what's the name of the brand? So kind brownie. So kind brownie. And we had some tremendous weed. And I blasted usually a quarter of the so kind brownie kills Lee. I blasted the whole so kind brownie. The half kills me. I can do the course. I blasted a hole. You want a piece of chibichu? Sure. Let's

go deep tonight. Lee's sitting there going, Joey, you're holding on. I can't do anymore. Listen, you're the fucking catalyst. You're the backbone of the organization. So I fucking, I eat the so kind brownie. I mean, Lee had smoked a joint on the way there. I eat 60% of this fucking chibichu, 70%. And I walked down the stairs and I'm looking at these stairs and I'm going, this is how fucking crazy reefer is and life is. And I know people go to this. I start saying to myself, what if I have to pee and I'm the walk up, I get vertigo in front of all these people. And I fall down the fucking stairs. Lee, you don't know what kind of anxiety you're walking into the amazing show. You're like, what if I fall down? Oh my God, Lee, that's all I kept thinking

about. What if I fall in front of all these fucking people? Right? How fucking embarrassing of this? So I sit down, it's cracking. This is cracking. The energy is great. But every time these people applaud, I'm getting higher and higher. Yeah, because they're raising the vibration up in the room. It's fucking death threats. And all of a sudden, the fucking thing comes on. Now I'm also thinking about we were so close that you really could see the cage, but there was parts of the cage you couldn't see. So you were automatically drawn to go up. Doug, when you go up, you get vertigo. And I kept thinking, I kept trying to think about it. And focusing on the thing. And then I had to pee like a motherfucker. If you notice, I drank water, I kept it light.

I sit that water throughout the whole show. I didn't guzzle it like a fucking gavel. I usually go through eight of those waters during a fucking three hour fight. They give them to you for free, right? They give you free shit. It was free. You had to tip them. Yeah, well, not yeah. Yeah. All you had to do was tip them to give you hot dogs, pretzels, booze, right? Or they charge you. You paid $807 for this thing. Oh, yeah. You better come on. Right. You pay him. Well, no, well, though, there was a mean waitress who just said, like, I can get you one drink, but you don't have the ticket for free drinks or I don't know. I only had two drinks. I never really got drunk and high at the same time. That was interesting. No, you got drunk. You got high

later. No, I was hired earlier because we took the I was so fucking stoned during the fights when Pettis fucking pinned when Pettis submitted. What's the name? Melendez. I was so high at that fucking point. I kept thinking, I got to walk up those stairs. This is my time. I got to go behind people and slow it up because if I fucking fall backwards, this is going to be horrendously bad. You wipe out everybody. My anxiety was mind boggling. It's like a rhinoceros running down stairs. My anxiety was mind boggling. I felt bad for the people. I felt bad for my friends. I felt bad for myself. I was embarrassed, Joe Rogan. I was embarrassed, Lee, because if Lee fell backwards, I keep walking up the fucking stairs. I don't know nobody. Who's that little guy yelling, Joey?

I don't know him. He's a fucking, he's some dude that staggered on. He was sitting there. I don't know. He wants to take a picture. What a shame. I mean, you know, what am I going to do? So that's all I kept thinking about, Lee. Throughout the Gilbert Melendez fight, I kept thinking, what if, now what if I wait for the other fight to happen and I'm walking out with 2000 people and I fall? Because if I got to stand there, I'm definitely going to get anxiety. If I have to stand there and wait, you know, like one at a time, that was a great fight, wasn't it? Yeah. If I had to do that all the way up to the top, I would have had anxiety and fainted right there. That's why I left when I left and we had a better time. You're so sensitive. You always do that. What's that? I say you're

so sensitive. It's not how I'm sensitive, man. I kept thinking that I was going to fall and get dizzy. That's a complete different game, mama. When you don't know when this motherfucker is going to hit you. Two weeks ago, I had it in Philadelphia. I woke up one morning. That motherfucker don't come knocking. You know, vertical don't come knocking. Vertical doesn't come with like a little warning. Hey, in 30 minutes, your world's about to get right. I went to bed fine. I was stoned as fuck. I smoked a couple of fucking numbers. I went back to my hotel room. I took a leave. I drank a coffee and I watched. Damn, I'm going to leave and a coffee and we. Yeah. That's a crazy combination. Yeah. And I watched some television. That's a suppressant.

Depressant. It's another suppressant in a whatever, but I'm up. I'm on the road. It's Friday night. I don't really have to wake up Saturday morning and do press. So I'm going to get a little extra sleep. I don't give a fuck. I go to bed at two or three. You watch a law and order. Yeah, but you get a couple of notes. You put the fucking earphones on. You listen to YouTube, play some old down. I put Chaka Khan, whatever the fuck it is. Boom. Yeah, there goes your night. I went to bed like any other night at three in the morning. And at four, I had to wake up the P530 and my shit. When I got up, my shit started spinning dog. I fell backwards. You don't know what the fuck is cracking. You don't know if you wait something

at the comedy club. You don't know and put more fucking dosed you. You don't know. You start breathing. You finally get up. You have to turn the light on. There ain't no motherfucking light. You got to go to the bathroom, turn the bathroom light on. You take your dick out and spin in the room. The dick spinning. The room spinning. You piss. You piss. You walk back to the bed. You're still spinning. Spinning is terrible. It's terrible. You breathe a little bit and it goes away. And you fall asleep. Okay, wait a minute. This happens every time you have to pee. No, no, no. This just happened two weeks ago. It's never happened. It happened about five years ago when I had an ear infection. I went swimming, got sick, and then went on a plane. You can't travel when

you were cold. So I got an ear infection. So that I was at a gym one day and my shit got all fucked up. I started hearing this shit. And then two weeks later, I went to the San Jose Improv. You worked at the San Jose Improv? With the San Jose Improv, got that McCormick and Schmitz. I went in there for the happy hour, like a Puerto Rican night. And they put me in a chair all the way to the back, guys. And I had the ear infection and my hearing was off. So it threw the motherfucking room off, right? Meanwhile, I'm dipping my shit in the clam chow to what? What? Watching like a Dodger game or some shit. And I started thinking, oh my God, I'm gonna pass out. What am I gonna do? Am I gonna fall here? Or am I gonna make it to the motherfucking door?

So I was getting anxiety about making it to the door. I would hate to pass out in front of people. You know, it's the truth. What a fucking nice restaurant. And Tiffany passes out. I don't know what the fuck to do. I love Tiffany. So I don't, I would never want to put you people in that predicament. That's why I was so, that's why I had so much anxiety towards the end at the fight. Well, no, but you do that. You have to say you like to leave early because yeah, there was, it took like 30, 40 minutes for that whole renault exit. But you also had another good idea, because we had, it was like three or four hours after the chibachu and we got a hot dog and I wasn't going to get one because it was going to be dinner. But then it was like three more hours

until dinner and that hot dog was pretty good. No, listen, I know the timing. I've been to a thousand of those fucking fights, but I was so high out there. I was so fucking high like that fight. I kept looking down because I kept catching myself and I go, I'm going to get vertigo. Last week, two weeks ago, I was playing with the baby and I picked the baby up and I'm like this, oh my God, thank God my wife was in the room. I just put it on the fucking couch so I fell to my hands and knees. Listen, this afternoon, let me tell you what happened. Let me tell you why I would have jumped the front and said, that's right, bow down, bitch, bow down. Do these shots. Let me tell his motherfuckers what happened today. So today I get off the plane,

I go home, I play with the baby, they got to do some errands. I sit down, I get my week straight, I get the suitcase cleaned down, I put water in the sleep apnea machine, I clean the mask, I do all that shit in the phone rings and I recognize the number. It's my old coat dealer and I love this motherfucker. I still talk to him, you know, once a month and he calls me, I was like, what are you doing? He goes, listen, I need a big favor. I go, what's up? He goes, make some calls for me, I'll call your boy, see if I can put a fucking thousand dollars on the Raiders. I go, Raiders, really? He goes, they're going to fuck San Francisco up. I'm going to show these motherfuckers, what's cracking? He goes, I just came back from up there,

swing by, hook you up and I'm like, no, I'm all right. He goes, please call me back. I really want to fucking bet the Raiders, see what the score was. I know the Raiders won. The Raiders blew him out. That's fucking amazing. I forgot to call him back. I called the kid, the bookie, the fucking phone was on message and I left him a message and he never called me back. So I spaced it. I spaced calling my buddy back. 24 to 13. Yeah, they beat it. Oh, wow. And they're right, they were one and fucking late. Oh, I thought that was going crazy out there. One and something. Yeah. This is, this is, this is my old Coke dealer. He must have an inside tip or something. Listen to what I used to do. I used to call him up in

the old days, 10 years ago, I call him up every Sunday and go, what's going on? Nothing, nothing. Who do you like today? And he go, really? Yeah, who do you like? See who you like? And he called me back and he'd give me a winner and I'd talk him out of it. And I go, you want to bet? Yeah. And I go, what do you want to bet 200? And I go, all right, I'll call you later and I call him back and I'd sit on the bed and he'd lose. And I wait two days, go over and get paid in cocaine. And he never figured out every week he lost. I think one time he fucking won. How crazy is that? So this shit we do, Tiffany had, you know what I'm saying? Look at you, you're a beautiful woman. Let me give you some shouts. We got to talk about something. Yeah, let's shout out. What's

something like that? You bad motherfucker. 47 floating 747. I love you. Rusty Cole, Tommy P, Corey Layton, Thomas Cardwell, and Ryan Know. Stay black, cocksuckers. I love you to death. What else? Tell me something good. You haven't said much today. You're sitting there like a mook on the heat. Tell me something good. Yeah, these chocolates are fucking me up. He's blinking like a pretty ass. They're fucking me up. We haven't had anti Dolores in a while. I know she sent us a box. I want to give a shout out to anti Dolores sent us a box. We're going to do Hanukkah the right way this year. We're going to light the menorah and eat an edible eye of respect for the Jews. We don't fuck around here. Lee's been wanting to do this for years. No, I haven't. You know, we

didn't want to, he didn't want to do the 30 30. So let's do one better. Let's celebrate your people. Let's eat a fucking edible every night from the 16th or the 24th out of respect. We'll light the menorah. What we'll do is we'll fucking unwrap the edible and we'll throw it in a Yanukkah or whatever. We'll pop it in a Yanukkah. I'm like a Tantan. Like what do you call those things? Like a trampoline. A Yanukkah? Yeah. It's like a trampoline. Listen, this regard looks like fried baloney to me. You know what the fuck I'm saying. Okay. What I'm saying is we're going to eat an edible for eight days straight. That's the least we could do for it. That's the least you could do for the church or what's happening now. You're a soldier. That's why I have interest.

Where's that cheaper? Do you really eat a little piece of cheese? Yeah, you know what I said, you told me like five minutes ago and you said you were going to pull it out and you got to do tomorrow. You got nothing. You got the day off tomorrow. You got nothing to do tomorrow, but sit there. Why are you peer-pressuring him when I said I want it, son? I mean, damn, Joey. He needs a piece. Look at him. No, he don't. He's gonna be sleeping a minute. He's not looking good tonight. He's still looking real sober. He's playing me. Playing with his nipples in a second. I can tell when he's like, oh my God, you're the coincident everywhere. No, trust me, don't want to cheat with shit. What else you got going on? So the reason why you're on this show,

and I got to be honest, I've known you for a long time. That part. But I didn't see you. I don't really see you, you know. I don't be seeing you either. I know you do spots at the Life Factory Hollywood a lot and I see your name at different clubs and then about a month ago, I go to the Life Factory in Houston. And this is in Long Beach, one of my favorite places in the world. I love performing there, too. I love Long Beach. You know why? Because there's no drama. You get there, you know, you stand. Every time I go to Hollywood, I gotta park the fucking car. I gotta walk in. They're doing 30 minutes behind. There's street people who want to bump you. You went through all this motherfucking shit to get bumped at this age. Come on. That's Tuesday night

shit. It's Thursday night. Come on, Jamie. Come on. I love Jamie. At least he hooks me up, you know. All I got to do is call them motherfuckers. I mean, this guy won't not like me. He's giving me spots. Right. So I go to the Life Factory. I'm sitting at stone. Sometimes you sit in the lab. Sometimes you sit. And you know what? You're forced like, I'm very happy to be back at the comedy store because now I'm forced to watch live comedy. Listen, guys, I know that this comedy shows on television and we all have DVDs and video specials and the whole thing. I love watching a good HBO special. I came up on HBO special. The way they shoot it, everything about an HBO special I've always liked from and we all have the different generational gaps, which we like

whatever period, you know. I like the young comedian stuff. I like the Hick stuff at those years, the Kenneson stuff on HBO. I like all that. You know, everybody, you may like the newest stuff, Sarah Silverman or Bill Burr. I don't know if he's on HBO and you might like whatever the fuck you like. I don't know what the fuck. I like everybody. Everybody. So we all have different fucking tastes. So for me, an HBO special is it. But I got to be honest with you. There's something about watching a comic live. Let's say you like, let's say you like Tiffany. And you know what? What the fuck do you do at your time? I'm not being a kid and following a band, you know, for a couple months. And really, on the other side, you just go out one night and if you

go to LA clubs and you go out for one night to a week, you're gonna see a lot of the same comedians. And some nights are gonna go up there three nights in a row. They're gonna go up there and do the same fucking stick. And you may like them or not dislike them. But you know, what other nights you're gonna see something else come out of them. You're gonna see their soul come out. Something that with me only used to happen at the comedy store. That's why I know how powerful the comedy store is. And it comes from doing a lot of sets at a certain club over and over again. You're doing a lot of sets. And after a while, you just get so comfortable. And every once in a while, your mind drips like you just go somewhere. And some nights, Lee, you tell a joke, man,

there's something about that joke that it might get them. But some nights, it's the way you deliver that joke that just destroys that room. And it's maybe putting your foot out and bouncing or living that motherfucker, you just let your body go and the audience feels it. Because me as a comedian, I feel it. And when I feel that from a comic, that's when you know that person become a comedian. For years, I went up there and just told jokes. And I'm like, oh, he's so funny. Where does he get those jokes? But it took 15 years to click on to get a certain confidence, a certain believing. I was scared shitless the other night at that South Point. I didn't want to go up. That's the last thing I want to do. Go up at 12.30 at night

in front of 300 fucking real people that you can't go up there with LA jokes. You know, there's Sunset Strips jokes and you go up there. So I did this film one time with Jennifer Lopez. And then these scenes, she slipped, right? And they're like, Jennifer Lopez, it's Friday night at 12 fucking 30. I've been dealing with fucking Asians, fucking playing ping pong over there at the Golden Nugget. I want to fucking laugh. Okay. And you come over here and you're up there. No, you had to bring them. I opened up with some dirty shit and they were kind of weird. And I remember before I left, I said, I'm doing my bits tonight. I'm going to have enough confidence in my bits tonight. And I went up and did my bits and I did perfect. I did what I was supposed to

do because I had a plan. I knew where to take it. I wasn't going to fuck with them a little bit, but I had seven or eight minutes. I know if I took them there and sold it. At 12 30, you got to commit, Jack. They got a feeling. Oh, fuck, this guy's bringing eight 30 type of shit to the show. Because if you go up there and do your same let, if you go up there and do a 12 30 show, they're going to feel a 12 30 show. It's a disaster. You got to give them an eight 30 show. That was what was in my mind. I had to wake them up a little bit. I had to flip them about. That energy is the whole thing. You know, no, it's crazy. I'm not usually a huge fan of like the 20 minute sets as a comedy fan going to the club. I like a headliner more, but you're one of the

people who actually like that 15 20 minute set was crazy. That was perfect because during an hour, you would have to slow down a little bit. You'd have a heart attack, but you just didn't stop for like 20 minutes. I rather pound you. I want to pound you. My style is to pound you, you know, but take a back a couple of weeks ago. When you do sets in LA, I go to the comedy store every four or five people, you see somebody who gets into a different place and they deliver it. And that's what I mean. A couple of weeks ago, I saw you go there. You went there in between bits and you had gone there one time. And I was like, look at Tiffany Havish bring a different type of heat. And I didn't say nothing until you came back. And then you went to bring me up.

And I was sitting there and I was enjoying Tiffany so much that I didn't want to go up. That's when you know, you, there's a difference between somebody doing good and you being jealous of them. There's a difference between somebody doing good and you being scared to follow. But there's a difference between somebody being in front of you and they're doing so well, they're not threatening you, but you're feeling them so much. You don't want them to get off the stage. You enjoying it. I'm living it. I'm living it. She was telling the thing about grandmother that the pussy is your house. You got to keep the bushes. But she became her grandmother or whoever character she might be doing. Because sometimes you're thinking grandma, this is

this is my ass. Sharrell. But I can't tell the audience that because they're not going to have the stance. Sharrell. I just talked about my aunt and Bonnie in the front. I'm going to confuse these motherfuckers. I don't want them to think. So grandma just cleans it up. Right. Grandma cleans it up. You don't have to commit to the name. Just grandma. And it was really weird that you took me there and I go, you know what? I got to get around the podcast because I want her to know that you're there and you're hiding, you're hiding. They got you hidden. You're like in the witness relocation plan. That part. You got to get with that. You got to get with the agency that pushes sisters to just drop you in the man. I know you're at the right agency. You made the

movie of all with the same fuck that way. But you're like in that shuffle right now. You're next. I'm yeah. Transitioning up to the top of the deck of the cards. You're next. She ready. Let's go. You're like when they zoe wigger before that movie, you know, she was at the laundry man. She was out of quarters and she got the call from Tom Cruise. That's the call that you always wait for when you're out here. And not because you suck this dick, but because you auditioned eight times in the last two times. We're in front of that motherfucker. Right. Before they give you those type of movies that you got to go with Tom Cruise. They got to shoot you from this direction, that direction. Make sure you're tall. You're not taller than him with heels. Make sure you can

run next to him and you're small with him. So you got to go to 19 auditions and then read with him because everybody wants to make, you know, he's getting 20 million in the movie. He's gonna want to come out of the shadows very seldom that I have to read with somebody. But every once in a while, there's a motherfucking room without you knowing, which throws a fucking left wrench in your fucking head. That's amazing when you go in a room and you know, somebody's in there, you're like, that's it. And you go up and you have that paper in your hand and the hands start shaking. Yeah. Cause he's so nervous. Oh my gosh. And you'd be feeling like, Oh my God, am I fucking up right now? I don't care. I'm just going to live this life. I'm just in this slice of life right

now. I'm just, uh, uh, I'm just a prostitute. And then you give up. Yeah. And halfway through, you're just like fucking you say, you know what, fuck it. You're already thinking about your next role. Well, Ralph, you may say, he's going to take me on tour and Lee says, I'll put me on the night. And all of a sudden you just click it on and they even say, hold on one second. Do it again from the start. Now you got something. Yeah. I'm taking this motherfucker somewhere. Even though I fucked up, he knows it. He was there. He's a real actor. They're not going to throw you out, Lee. Right. If they're real, they're going to go, let him read it again. He showed something. And now you get it together. You close your eyes. You take a breath. You think of your fucking family

while you got there. You think of how you want to sling dick and bam, you put that motherfucker down in front of whoever and the motherfucker starts talking to me. He goes, let me get in there with and you actually started reading. When the first time you're nervous, the second time you start rocking and rolling and then you get something out of him and everybody's laughing, you close, you win the scene. You know what I'm saying? Even though it's not on paper, you have to think of something. This is where you're a comedian. This is where you button up the room. Button up the fucking room. Bam. Leaving with something to smile about. Tell them what your name, your fucking serial number is and you just keep walking motherfucker. Let them go. What was

that spirit? They always tell me, oh, you were a breath of fresh air. We know you weren't right for the part. I mean, blonde hair, blue eyes, but it was just great to have you here today. You're refreshing. When did you get on stage the first time? In 1997. Where? At the live factory. No shit. 1997. Yep. I'll never forget it because I got on the news and everything, but Princess Diana had died and bumped me from the news and then I didn't get to get my segment showed until I went back to school. And then when did I meet you? You met me in 2002, 2003. No shit. Yeah, I met you 2003. No, 2004, because then we were standing outside in 2005. Yeah. I met you in the office first at JKA. And then I would bump into you. I always heard you

were struggling because sometimes, like I said, you bump into people and on some one day you go out to do spots and you go, why am I Tiffany Haddish? And a year later, you're taking the train and there's Tiffany Haddish with a kid and you're like, didn't we together at the live factory, you were taking him to the top. You had a deal at the fucking Brad Pitt company. Yeah, well, the deal fell through. Jamie Souther did this, but I got married, got a kid. I live in fucking West Hills now and with a bunch. That's not my story. No, and not at all. I ain't that bitch. She must be talking about somebody else. Yeah, I kept hearing about the you. Because I got married, you know, and all of a sudden I would just hear little things about Tiffany's mother fucking

Haddish. And that's it. That's what I'm saying. A lot of motherfuckers give up. Right. You didn't give up. I met you in 2005. You already had a couple of years under you. Yeah. You know, most pretty girls this the fuck up here. I hear that. That's I've seen it now over the years. I'm like, I'm noticing it. But like, I remember when I first met Corey Holcomb, he was like, baby girl, you need to just give up on this. You don't need to be no damn comedian. You need to just go and meet you. Somebody rich. It's too many rich mother fuckers out here. You a pretty girl. Just get pregnant. You know, get pregnant by rich, dude. Maybe get two or three rich, baby. That is it. Just call it a fucking day because it's comedy. You ain't built for this. You ain't

ready to let you ain't gonna last through this. Like, and now he sees me now it's like 11 years later. He's like, yo, I'm sorry. You doing it. Yeah. I'm proud of your respect for you, man. You know, I think women have to work a little hard and I hate that slogan. You're a fucking comedian. Yeah, I'm a comedian. I hate when they be like, are you ready for a female? No, how about are you ready for a funny mother fucker? Are you ready for a funny comedian? How about that? Yeah, it's really because I could have a penis in the drawer last five years. You've heard little things from people. Just jerks off. I mean, I say a lot of crazy things, but there's just jerks who would say women aren't funny. Yeah. And all I have to say to them is who

the first person to make you laugh? Your mama. Lucio Ball. Your mama. And my mama. Your mama was the first person to make you laugh. Think about it. Or was you just not a giggling baby? You just didn't laugh at shit. That's bullshit. All of us laugh. First person make you laugh is your mama. So what you saying? If women ain't funny, your mama ain't funny. Fuck you. Suck my dick. That's how I feel about it. That shit makes me laugh. My mom used to make me laugh, but Lucio Ball took me there. Lucio Ball took everybody there unless you're a fucking woman. Lucio Ball made everybody laugh. So for a statement like that to come out, that women aren't funny in general, even if you just said you had most women aren't funny, Lucio

Ball was funny. I'll respect you then. But you're not giving the lives to nobody. You're just saying in general. So that's always been a stupid statement. Me, I don't give a fuck. I'm not gonna argue with you on Facebook. What difference is gonna make me a hero? I'll argue with your ass. I never knew you like Lucio Ball so much. Lucio is the shit. No, she's great, but like you were like really... Do you know that Lucio started out as a dramatic actress? She was an actress and a singer first. Just a dramatic actress and singer. And then she got like by a fluke, got a role in a comedy and killed that shit. And they just started giving her more comedies. And then she started buying up studios, buying up projects like Boom, Gidney, Radio Superstar. She the shit.

It's not that I liked her. How can you not watch those shows? I don't know how many episodes there were, but how can you not watch any of those shows and not have two favorites that you don't sit there and laugh at? The ones with the cake, the ones with the pizza, the chocolate, the sex of holic, the micro-holic. There's six or seven, maybe three. I like when she tried to be like a dancer, one of his background dancers. Whenever she would do that, I love that shit. Ricky was the shit. Yes. Ricky was the shit. Listen, I didn't remember if he did the whole thing on the moon. Delirious. Ricky Ricardo, that's 1950. A Spanish dude on your TV. Stop it. Stop it with those pointy shoes. Fucking a crazy white bitch. Come on, guys. And they ended up fucking making studios.

You know, when you go to Michelli's in Hollywood, that's where they did the famous pizza scene, where she's throwing the pizzas up. They were right there on the street, right? Michelli's right fucking there. Lucille Ball stood there. So for me, how can you say a statement like that? And she owned half a Paramount. But it was just, I laughed at the lady who just died. She said some shit. Joan Rivers? She's hilarious. When I was a kid, and I'm a kid, she went off on Prince's girlfriend. Apollonia? One of those hoes. She went off on one of the Tonight Show. She said to her that, how can you like Prince? He makes Michael Jackson look like a Green Beret. You know, I liked her. I remember that stupidity, those little jokes. God knows

how many women I've thought that are just, you know, for, to me, I like that. When a woman makes me laugh, that's attractive to me. That's sexy, right? That's attractive. So that statement. So I know it's like, ah, sometimes when I hear, it's only happened like three times the last couple of years with some jerk off his written his hand and said that. But I can just imagine, they say something like that about guys. A guy's ain't fun. Whatever the fuck. Who gives a fuck about these people? What do they know? Right. How hard it is to be a person. You got married since I last saw you, divorced. Just for a while, you were living in fucking 80 miles from me. Yeah, because I got married and he tried to move me away. He's trying to take me away from my art. He thought I was gonna quit.

He's so stupid. I love talking on the microphone. I love being in front of people. It's my medicine. It's my everything. It's, it's what saved my life. I feel like, like it gave me a voice that made me feel like, you know, people care. And even if they don't give a fuck, it makes me feel good as shit. And I'm gonna keep on doing that till I die. It saves you in a way. Yeah. It gives you hope. Even when you're in the beginning of it and you're fucking doing creepy shit and you're hooking up. I used to wait at night to see who would lose their fucking phones at the comedy store. I would sit by the thing and people go, hi, I just found this in the chair and I'm with fucking the guy at the door would take it and put it right under here. And he would step out and I

go back and take the fucking phone and sell it the next day for 45 bucks in Crenshaw Boulevard. There's some black dudes that years later ended up robbing a bank. Wow. And they all got arrested and they closed the store. They used to hang out at the comedy store. You have no idea. You have no fucking idea, Lisa. How do you find, like, when you have a phone, how do you find where to sell that? Like, how did you end up with that guy? Okay, there was a guy, there was a black dude in the early 2000s, I'm not the comedy store. That was the real deal. And he was, he was somebody's sugar daddy, like one of those black comedians that's badass. I just forget what my name is. He was one of those sugar daddies.

And he would hang out and we became friends. He was old school from like either Detroit or Chicago, one of those black cities where they're real black. You know what I'm saying? They're real black. Real urban. But he was really a gangster. And he did things like, I forget what the fuck, I don't know if he gave us blow. He liked a friend of mine. He was friends with a friend of mine and we met. And he told me he was in the cell business. And I asked him, I go, what are you doing? He goes, I buy and sell them. So we know somebody who's got a cell phone. That's all I need to hear. So I would just wait around at night, the comedy store, and in those weeks, in those days, three people a week were turning cell phones. And I would call him and either

come get him or I would drive him to Crenshaw and he'd give me 100 bucks. That's what's up. And I'd have money on a front end. But years later, they robbed something. They were producing comedy shows. And one day I asked around, there was cops at the comedy store and I go, what's going on? And they go, they're here because that dude robbed the bank and got away with it. But they're looking for the money. They got away with like 18 million dollars. So they threw him in jail for contempt. Something fucking, these guys got away with it. They weren't just little fucking black dudes on roller skates.

They're not stupid. No. They had a plan. They were like professionals at this shit. So it's, you never know who you're going to meet, man. Never seen a black dude on a roller skate. It's because you're slipping, cocksucker. That's why. Black dudes just always be on roller skates back in the day. Who do you think invented, what do you think these white dudes invented fucking roller skates? Black people invented the roller skates.

Get it together. Get it together. You're slipping and shit. Yeah, white boy. What do you, I'm now, you've been a transition and you've been shooting a bunch of movies, right? You've been going to Atlanta and shooting movies, shooting TV shows. You're in this new Chris Rock movie? No. He don't know about you yet. Yes, he does.

He knows who I am. He knows who I am. He know about this Hattish, but I wasn't willing to do it. What's called for in the scene. I just, I didn't feel comfortable with that scene. Did you go to read for it? Yeah. I went to read for a couple of roles in it. And then they said they wanted me to do this where these like ratchet girls or whatever, which is cool. I could play ratchet, but I just couldn't do the part where like yeah, I just didn't want to. I don't even know if it's still in the movie or not,

but in the script, it was very not cool with me. You know, I don't want no white stuff on my face on camera. Okay. And that's it. It's really. But I think he's great. It's a great listen. It looks like it's going to be super hilarious.

Yeah, it looks really. He's got everybody in there doing a couple of days. I've always liked Chris Rock. But you get into the black market, you know, sometimes you get in with the guy with Atlanta, which you did. Yeah, Tyler Perry. Yeah, I'm doing a series with him. A drama. You got to start somewhere and then you branch out into the white markets or whatever. No, being on BET.

I know motherfuckers will give you a finger. I love to be on a show on BET as a fucking co-sponsor, some jumping up and down, dropping it from the 70s. Yeah, I'm on that real husband's Hollywood with Kevin. Why are you really on BET? You don't fuck around. This is what I'm talking about. No, I'm here working.

You're always right. And I'm always trying to do something. I just created my own little talk show called Two and a Half Women, where it's me, my psychotherapist and my little dog. She's a multi- Yorkie mix. She a white bitch. That's the half. And so it's two and a half women. And yeah, we just be talking about stuff that's going on in the world,

like booty injections. Like what's really going on? Why is bitches burning their ass out to have ass that ain't even like all that? Like dudes don't even really give a fuck. Like you said about the girl, like her ass was flat, but the pussy was tremendous. Right? So like, just focus on what you do. God, bet you got no cheeks with fat lips.

Work them motherfuckers. The first thing I noticed on went to Vegas. Yeah, they were beautiful women. Okay, now I'm married. I'm not looking at a woman to fuck them besides I'm humble and better. It wouldn't matter. I wouldn't. I just look at you now just to look at you because I'm a fucking man.

And I look at women and they get gigantic tits and they walk past me and they got the worst fucking ass. You've ever seen your life. It's like going out. Have you been to Atlanta? It's like going out, washing your pussy, but not brushing your teeth. I've done that a few times in my life. It's like going out and, you know, like doing dumb shit.

I don't, I'm an ass man, but look at me. If you were missing a hip, I'd still eat your fucking half right here. You know, but it's like it looks weird. If you don't have fake tits, balance it out. Yeah, with some ass. Save half the tits, you know, I want to look half of it. I want, you know, I like a pretty woman. What's that chick from Blue Bloods?

The chick that Tom Brady dumped to be with his elbow. You know, Tom Brady with the white chick, mowing the hand. Look at that. That bitch is a top notch model. She was in the bar, the movie about the bar with the chicks dancing on the bar. Not a coyote? Yeah. She was in the movie with Will Smith.

She plays the fucking Martian chick, you know, but you don't like about it. The most she got those titties. Me too. Yeah, I got little titties in a nice. You know, I like it. Let's be like part of the most. I like woman. You're telling me something.

You're making the statement. You believe in your face and your ass and your pussy. You didn't bail on your pussy. You didn't put it all up here like this. You know, when you're out at a bar or something, when you, especially when you're young, we get overpowered by a chick who rubs her titties on you. There's a woman when the chicks are runaway and she's trying to get attention. Her tits get there first.

You know, they show them to you. So you got tits. It's their fucking weapons of mass destruction. You know, they rub it up on your fucking arm. As you get older, you're like, come on. You can come on with a blood trick, that magician. Oh, I always like to try to get it, get, get to liquor. If I can get a good conversation and where I can lick a guy's cheek, then I'm,

I usually win by then. Oh, Jesus Christ. When I can lick a man's cheek. Yeah, if I can lick a man's cheek, I usually win at that point. I'm getting whatever I want. Sorry, you can't see we got a blackhead on his fucking cheek. You want to lick his fucking cheek? Oh yeah, if I lick his cheek, that's it.

If you don't want to. And if they let me get that close to where I can lick their cheek, I know I'm winning. That's a different attractive to me when I see a woman with a beautiful face. I'll be like, damn, look at you, baby. And little tits. What's up? That really attracts me. You like little titties?

It's not that I like them. Because I like to get my little titties sucked. No, no, it's not that I like them. What's up? I mean, come on. It's not that I like them. Suck my titties. I suck yours.

You know what I like about the situation? That you're telling me I didn't go get fake tits just to make me look beautiful. No. It's a different type of beauty you're telling me. So I dig it. That's what I'm gonna say to you. My soul is sexy. I'm not saying I'm not.

And if you want me to look more beautiful, I can take all these clothes off if you could pay all my bills. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're paying your own bills right now. I know, yeah. That's the point of your fucking whole life. You're making it happen. Fuck Beyonce showing up with that fucking baby. You know what I'm saying?

Later on to try to get more money out of you. Making bad music. She's giving me too. She's good. What are you talking about? That music is good. I'll be jamming to Beyonce. I like it.

I like it on the run. But when the fuck is she ever going to run? Unless and she robbed the fucking liquor store. Never. Her and fucking. But she robbing our pockets every day we buy her shit. Who's she trying to be? Bonnie and Clyde.

Stop. Stop. Yeah. I mean, they be on the run, but they only come back to you. What the fuck? At least I look at you. You ready for achievement shoot? I have no idea what just happened.

I don't know what happened either. Do you think they can hold what just happened? Where you at next weekend? Next weekend. Where am I? I'm probably going to be at the live factory. I'll be at the live factory. And when are you going to be performing for New Year's?

Oh, I don't know. I don't have New Year's books right now. New Year's is open. So I'm probably going to be at the live factory. But you know, I'm going to be for Christmas though. I'm going to be all up in England and stuff. Because, you know, I'll be meeting these fine ass dudes that we want me to be places and shit and get this money.

We need so I'm about to go to London, England from the 22nd to the 29th out there showing these London Englanders how we get down in South Central Los Angeles. Yes, sir. Boom. You want to do stand up? No, I'm going to be dancing, but it's the same thing. No, because it's going to be hilarious.

I'm going to fucking dancing. You don't break it down for me. Knock it off for dancing. I'm doing a bar mitzvah. Stand up. I'm dancing. I'm going to do energy producer. Are you?

I didn't know. Are you putting me on? No, I've been an energy producer for like since 1996. This is another Felipe Felipe. What are you talking about? Shit. Now I'm my life on a Sunday. Bruce, you show up with the fucking angels.

Then you're eating a fucking cheeseburger. Now you tell me you're going to be an energy producer. Yeah, I produce energy. That's what I do. You felt the energy when I walked through the door. He was like, oh, energy. That's what unicorns do. And I do bar mitzvahs.

I've done it for over 15 years. I'm the last black unicorn. All right. I'm a magical creature. You catch this pussy. You win it. You understand me? You can only you can only succeed in life if I'm your friend.

There's no way you can be a failure unless you fuck me over. Period. That's why I love you. I love you too. But I'm going to give a shout out to sponsors. All right. Let's shout them out. First of all, my favorite people of all time,

these people are looking out to your fucking back. Alpha brain. I don't know what else to tell you. You're fired. I don't sell on this. I'm going back on my fucking alpha brain tomorrow cycle because I'm shooting a film. I don't want my mind fucking slipping at all.

What's alpha brain? It's just this new tropics. It makes your mind. It's got a bunch of right now. I'm too high to break down the formulas that are in there. Help us in your memory. Joe Rogan takes them before the UFC. So you have some like it helps some brain activity.

I don't know what Joe Rogan does. I'm telling you how it fucking makes me feel. Even though I smoke 82,000 bong hits a day. It clears me up. It gives me more words and gives me more focus. And where can you get it? You have to go online and get them. You go to audit.com.

And the beauty about fucking strong alpha brain is it's got a hundred percent money back guarantee. They just did some type of exclusive testing in the University of Boston. And this thing came back that it helps not glaucoma, alzheimer. Alzheimer's. This is how good.

And how much is it? Who the fuck knows? Go to audit.com. On it.com. Look at the size you want. If it don't help you, what it was saying, don't do it for you. You got a hundred percent money back guarantee.

We don't even want the product back. Go to audit.com and press in. Church. Boom. And get 10% off. You ought to listen. You're going to love it. Just stay on it.

Go to stayonit.com. And you got another 10% off. And it gets delivered right to your house every month. And don't stop fucking there, right? They got some tremendous stuff. Strong bone and ICM juice and weights and just kettlebells and new mood. And they just got battle robots.

They got some tremendous stuff. Also, a beautiful shout out to my main man over there on fuckingiondragontv.com. My main man was here the other night, Dave Foley, dropping for you. I didn't know what was going on. They're talking this shit. I don't understand it.

All I know is this. I got a bunch of emails that people went on and they love it. People love it. You get two free Kung Fu classic films. They got the assassins. They got the thieves. They got 1911 Jackie Chan. The man series.

They got so many classic films and they're adding more daily. Go to iondragontv.com and press in. Joey. Boom. What do you got, Lee? Two free rentals. Two. Two.

Two. There ain't nothing like going home, smoking a few buckets, taking your socks off, cutting your fingernails, or your toenails, sniffing your fingers, sitting back and watching a Kung Fu movie. Nothing like it. People don't do that no more in America. You don't understand what you're missing.

An old classic Kung Fu movie. Go to iondragontv.com. They're going to rock your fucking world. And stay with them. This is nanotech. They're making fucking things happen. The same at the beginning of what they're doing. They're doing something with music.

They're doing a bunch of good shit. Trust me. I wouldn't be fucking with them. I don't think they could help you out. Number two. Boom. NailedItLife.com throwing heat at you motherfuckers. The exclusive vapor pen of savages like Lee Syat

when he's doing all his fucking magic tricks. Go to naileditlife.com right now. Look at what they got. They got everything from t-shirts. But their main thing are these vapor pens. They break. You call David. You tell him that the filter broke.

Boom. Within 24 hours you got your shit up and running. Go to naileditlife.com and press in. Joe Ideas. Oh. And what do you get? 20% off. 20 motherfucking percent off.

Okay. Naileditlife.com. Now what we're talking about. These cigarettes. I ain't messing with you people. It's December 7th. Everything happens. Everybody in this country makes these fucking things.

What do you call them? Reservations. Resolutions. Resolutions. And they say, you know what? I'm going to stop sucking dick. I'm going to stop smoking cigarettes. I'm going to go to the gym and stop eating.

But you know what? Start right now. A lot of people are smoking. They don't know how to do this. Start smoking three, four years ago. And my wife was pregnant with mercy. I know I couldn't smoke. I had to quit.

Thanksgiving. I just started one day smoking cigarettes. A heady cigarette. Regular vapors. I don't even know what the fuck I was smoking. I quit. Never had a cigarette again. But I knew I quit by smoking a vapor pen,

just to give me the same stuff. You know, and I did what they do. And now they sent me some vapor pens. So they're just tremendous. They're the best I've ever tasted. A heady, six, 1200s. OK? Let me tell you something.

They last long and they taste tremendous. Let's say you want to quit smoking. You get the zero, the eight, the 16, the 24 milligrams. Stop to the top and work yourself backwards. You got no nicotine. Boom, you're not smoking no more. Your lungs feel better. You can last next to two minutes

when you're fucking sucking and banging. You could run up a fucking hill now. That all happens when you quit smoking cigarettes. But it all starts with hittiesix.com. They last longer. They taste better. They got cigars. They got different cigarettes.

They got different flavors. You want to smoke menthol. You want to smoke raspberry. Boom! Go to hittiesix.com right now. See the whole fucking collection from this tremendous cigar. Check this out.

You're going to be out in New Year's Eve. You want to mingle with your friends. You don't want your fingers to smell like dick. Hittiesix. How do you spell that? Hittiesix.com. Oh, ecic. Hittiesix.com right now.

And what do you get? You breast Joey's church and you get 20% off. 20% off. Try them. Give them a shot for the holidays. Give yourself a better life. Take care of your lungs. Trust me.

Stay black. Tiffany had your badass bitch. I love you to death. Thank you so much. What's in the cup? Did you bring soda, a milkshake? Oh, I have some pink lemonade. Look at you.

You want to put a pink lemonade? Because I like it. I like lemonade. Keep me posted on all your success. You're fucking beautiful. Can you tell me what was the name of that first one again with the mind pills? Alpha Brain.

Alpha Brain. On it.com. On it.com? On it.com. Yeah. On it.com? On it.com. On it.com.

Okay. That's why I couldn't find it. All right. On it.com. On it.com. Use for it. Okay. That's cute.

I didn't find it. It was just the way the chair twisted. You know what I mean? Yeah. Alpha Brain. There we go. What the fuck? I smell you.

I can smell you. We family now. You know what? Since you did it, let me do it, too. Oh, shit. It's tremendous. Oh, shit. She's taking it to another level.

Leap. Read the fucking question. It's a nice silent one. Let's wrap this motherfucker up. Listen. Have a great Monday. Have a great week. I'm shooting a film this week.

I'm no foregone Wednesday or Thursday. I'll keep your mother's fuck this post. I love you. Have a great week. Tiffany Haddish. Thank you. Lisa Yadda. Have a great time.

Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up. Give me a thumbs up.

Give me a thumbs up. You bad motherfucker. Yeah. Stay black. We got a tremendous guest this week. Stay alive. One more time. Tiffany Haddish.

Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany liked the diamond's haddish. Thank you. Leave the shape of your leg. Why are you giggling and going on with yourself, huh? Show is sponsored by onit.com. Go to onit.com and use code word church to get 10% off of any of their great products, alpha, bright, new,

mooch, room, tech, immune, shrimp, tech, sport. Go to naileditlife.com to get the premier vapor print on the market for people who smoke oil or wax or and wax. Use code word joeideas to get 20% off of your order. Go to hintesigs.com. The proof is in the vape. Better tasting, longer lasting. You're going to get 20% off of your order

when you use code word joe's church. And go to irondragon.tv. It's a new Roku channel. And use code word joeideas to get two free rentals of all of their great martial arts movies. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain.

If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain.

If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. If it keeps on raining, everything's going to rain. Thank you for watching.