Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #243 - Brody Stevens, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: December 29, 2014

  Brody Stevens, Comedian, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Dragon Attack -Queen I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Big Poppa - Biggie Small Recorded on 12/28/2014

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Lee Syat is in the motherfucker. Brody motherfucking Stevens is in the house. And you thought it was safe motherfuckers. What's up, Lee Syat? What the fuck have you been? What's with the questions? The gym? The little Mexican chick kidnapped y'all weekend. Hell yeah. You're fucking full of tamales. They're so good, aren't they? Those chili cheese ones were delicious. Oh my god. I didn't know what's a Christmas thing for Mexican people. So, like, our friend brought you some too. Silent Bob. Yeah. Yeah, Rodrigo brought you some too, and they're good. They use them as presents. It's fucking tremendous. Well, they make 80 of them. Her mom made like 100. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh yeah. How many did you

eat? Like five, I think. That's it? I went there. It was Christmas Eve. We had those for dinner, and then I had like a couple the next day, but I have four in my house. Yeah, nice time, huh? Yeah. It's a different culture, isn't it? They fucking really work on this. Have you ever seen End of Watch? End of Watch. What's that movie? It's a cop movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and other Mexican dudes, and they're talking about how it's just, and like, for Jewish people, family's important, but it's like the holidays. You know, at least for my family, I wasn't with them at all times. There's always someone at Paula's house. There's always a cousin or someone, and it's a, if you like them, it's great. Like, I have some cousins who I'm not huge fans of,

but, and it's not that fun, but when it's people who you like and then enjoy spending time with, it's fun. You get a traditional Jewish dinner every year for Hanukkah and all that. Yeah, with brisket and lackeys, and then Passover, and it was great. I love my family, but it's brisket left at your house. Fuck yeah, in the freezer. In the freezer. My mom ate a butch. I'm a lackeys. Yeah. You still got lackeys in the freezer. Yeah. Fuck yeah. You're a filthy motherfucker. What's happening, Brody Stevens? Great to be. Oh, Stephen Brody Stevens. You got it. 818 representing this motherfucker. Yeah, I feel it. Where'd you model that? Beirut. I've done some in Serbia. Serbia. I have a photo shoot with ISIS on Friday.

They're in town accepting portfolios. That is kind of fucked up. There's a lot of people going to ISIS, like Canadians and British people. Good. We'll get their fucking head chopped off. Fuck them. Don't come crying to me. Don't let me see your fucking pathetic parents crying. We knew he was weird. He always liked hummus. Fuck you. That's what you're getting there. I mean, why would you go over there? I mean, I understand that there's health workers and aid workers, but it's just always the guys are getting the head chopped off. They're very, you know, open minded, which is great, but it's kind of what maybe got got into trouble. See, yeah, if they would have just been stupid and mind their fucking business,

they still would have had a head, you know, but now they're walking around with no fucking head. The parents are crying because they got to be fucking, you know, they're not walking. No, whatever the fuck they're doing. Well, maybe they are. Maybe they're extras. I'm walking dead. Zombie stuff. Yeah, like zombie stuff. Maybe they're still living. People are desensitized. I hate to get that. I saw walking dead and it's, I mean, it's over the top, I guess, right? Is that the fun about it? It's over the, or is it the story? I don't watch that shit. That shit scares the fuck out. Yeah, we do. Oh, it scares the fuck. I don't want to see that craziness. When I was a kid, listen, first off, when I was about 13, I took ahead a windowpane

acid, not a windowpane. I'm lying to you, people took like blood acid and me and like eight gorillas went down and watched Dawn of the Dead. What's code word for gorilla? Something? But it's, you know, people who are fucking me. I don't know what kind of podcast this is. They're not usual people. My friends were not the usual Gentiles. I got sandals and went to the Starbucks with and talked about, you know, oh my God, the interview was such a great movie. Those were not my friends. Was it a good film? Did you hear? I don't know. No, I don't know. It was pretty bad. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Oh, you saw it. Yeah. Okay, go ahead, Joey. That was the whole thing. So these were people, you know, you went and you saw fucking there was one scene where

the black guy goes under the helicopter, the helicopter chops his head off and he's still alive and you giggle for an hour when that's it. And then you go home and you have nightmares for a week and you never got to see, you know, I forget the guy's name that used to do those Dawn of the Dead's and he did all those movies when I was growing up and never kind of weird. And I liked them, but I don't know a TV show every fucking week with zambos walking around and people shooting them. It's not for me. It's really not for me. You know, I don't know. I get nightmares. I don't, I don't, that stuff is so, it's just so much content on TV. You have to keep up. You have to binge watch and you have to talk about it, but it's, there's just so much

content. I don't know how you, I started getting stressed 10 years ago when you would go to the video store and there's DVDs everywhere in your face. Now it's just, it's too much almost and I've pulled away. I've become a hermit. Do you have Netflix and Roku and all? Yeah, I have Netflix. It's great. What do you think? Yeah, pretty fucking cool. It is, let's be honest. You can get locked in and, but I've been bad recently not watching films, not reading books. I'm trying to actually appreciate things. It's like I go on the internet, but it's like Yahoo, Drudge, UK Meal, Yahoo, UK Meal. Barely, I'm just like wasting time and I feel like I need to take action and part of that is seeing movie. I saw Nightcrawler. How was that? Which is a, I loved it. It looks great.

Yeah, that looks really good. But the thing is, say what you want about the interview. It is, it'll be interesting to see how much money it makes. It made a ton of money already. They yanked the public again. Did it? They got Cosby again. That's what it's called, getting Cosby. You get lullaby. You get put in a sleeping pill. Whether it's the iPhone standing online or whether it's something you get swammied. And now they get more obvious. I mean, we're talking to a nation that believed that Osama bin Laden existed and is dead and that they shot him and threw him off a fucking ship. Didn't they? Listen, these are American people. We fucking show people our fish. Or fish? When we go fishing and we catch a fish, we show people our fish. We come from a society

that when we kill a bear, we take pictures of that bear and send them home. They do. So you're not going to send picture of an Arab that blew up the World Trade Center? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think they wanted to cause problems. No, let's just do it and get it over here. Get the fuck out of here. I never saw that guy. I never saw that guy walking around. I never saw him in the States on a plane. Fidel, I saw they did a documentary. This guy, I never saw this fucking guy. This guy, this guy could have been made up as far as we know. This guy could have been made the fuck up. This could have been a whole made up fucking thing with some picture of a little Arab guy walking around. He's still alive. And now people come up to him going, you look like Osab bin

Alay. And he's like, no, that wasn't me. They took pictures of that fucking guy. You know, we should take a, we shoot a goldfish. We take a picture of it. If we go hunting and we shoot a line, we take a picture of it. This guy was the world's biggest line. Yeah. We didn't take a picture of it. Really? Come on. Save that for somebody else. Save that for, oh yeah, because I have a. So you think he's around somewhere? I don't think he's around. I just think that I don't even know if he ever fucking existed. What? I don't even know if the guy ever existed. He was a hologram? Who knows? Who knows? We don't know. Think about it. We don't fucking know. I mean, they have videos of him from a while ago, but it's videos. Yeah. Maybe he's been dead for a while.

He did have kidney problems. Who knows? Yeah. I think he's an Uber driver out in Glendale. Maybe. Been waiting to get that bit in for a night. You saw me trying to fight to get that. I mean, it's just, you know, I don't believe it till I see it. I'm from Missouri. I'm from the motherfucking Show Me State. You are, I thought you were from. I'm from Jersey, but I'm from Missouri. I'm an American. So that means I'm from Missouri. We're all from every state. You're an American. So why did you, you're from Missouri? No, because it's the Show Me Motherfucking State. Got it. And you have to show me. I'm an American. Show me. Me too. Show me a picture of Simon Brown with his eyeball blown out. Let me ask you this. When Mexicans were killing fucking

people, weren't they putting them cutting their heads off on YouTube? Yeah. Listen, we should have seen the picture. I don't think they did because they didn't want to inflame any, you know, they didn't want to inflame the Muslim community or the terrorists. So let's inflame Americans and show these fucking slipper wearing motherfuckers. I don't think pulling our heads back and slicing our heads back. What hurts an American more seeing these guys in orange suits on television, getting humiliated with their parents begging for their lives? What would piss Americans off more? Showing Americans getting this cut off or showing a picture of Saladin lying and fucking dying? Well, that would fire people up. They would get excited. Sure. Yeah.

Well, when you think about it, they showed video of, uh, what's it, whatever his name, who was the old guy in Iraq? Fucking high. Uh, what, what's his name? To Saddam Hussein. Yeah, they showed Hussein. And then they showed that Gaddafi guy getting stabbed in the asshole. Come on, guys. But that was, uh, that was viral on YouTube. Yeah, that's still, it went viral. Nothing else goes viral or something like that. What my point is, all right, so he could be around becoming Cosby and we're getting Cosby by everything. We're getting Cosby by, what does that mean? Exactly. Couldn't put the sleep and fucked in the ass. Whoa. We're getting lullabyed and put the sleep and fucked in the ass by society. I agree. Who knows what it is. So, you know, so now you're

putting body armor on the cops. You're putting cameras on the cops. You're putting cameras on the cops. Didn't we see the film of the black guy putting his hand up saying, I can't breathe? So what do we need a camera for? We already got the proof that they choked them and they killed them. Right. And he still got let loose. What do you mean he got let loose? They got innocent. They were innocent. They were, they didn't even get to that part. They just said they weren't going to charge them. What do you think about what the cops are doing in New York? Like, was turning their back on the mayor? Well, I don't know what the Blasio did. I don't get the whole story. I've been busy with it. I do. All I do is read the news. So why I'm

talking about like how I'm not going to movies or reading books. I'm addicted to the news. Right. But you're paying attention to the most important thing that you should be paying attention to. News and comedy. Because I'm talking about the interview when you pay attention to comedy and what's important to you. The news when I wake up in the morning at six and I throw on the news and they're talking about a family got shot to death in Glendale. That's got nothing to do with me. I feel bad for the families. But it's not what I want to wake up to at six in the fucking morning. I don't want to wake up to the first three stories in the news about car accidents with six kids in the car. Three kids who got drunk and a mom and a grandfather who got shot. Two Mexicans got shot

at Guadalajaraville somewhere or something. It could be black people. I don't want to hear about that. Could you send me the link please? To what? All those great stories. So what we're trying to do is you want to hear news that works for you. I want to hear. So I put CNN on and they tell me all this shit. Again, I don't want to hear. So all the news outlets are telling me I want to hear 10% of 100% bullshit. They're telling me. Well, you got to go on the internet for that. You're going to get you're going to get the real deal. I mean less a less not as you know, not censored. But you know what I'm saying? Like the the regular news it's kind of I'm not saying it's down the middle. It's not down the middle. You know, you have Fox and then I guess you have

everybody else. But you go on the internet and get to read the comments. Well, the beautiful thing about the internet is, you know, for years, I always heard that media controls everything. And I used to giggle at that. Now it controls everything, but it controls everything and not a sly way. Like they tell you the news that you need to know about that black kid that got shot by the white cop. Right. There's a lot of that. That's the version that comes up. It pulls me in. That's the comes out there or the white guy who got shot by the black suspect in Arizona. I'm clicking. So it's like now you don't hear about school shootings no more. No more school shootings. At this time last year, two years ago, school shootings were huge. The year when Batman, the fucking idiot got

shot, the Batman movie data. It's so weird what they want you to hear and what they don't want you to hear. So you're saying that kind of stuff is still going on shows kind of shootings? Well, like a mass shooting? Well, I don't know, but we don't hear about them. I don't think it's like we don't hear about them fast enough. It's like some news is 1960. Some news is 2015. They determine what comes up to the top first. You don't go ahead. Oh, no, I'm just it's it's good because you have that at fingertips. But the issue is you don't really know what to believe a lot of times because there are right leaning, there's left leaning, and there's a lot of websites now doing fake news stories. Are you serious? Like not even just the onion. No, no, they have me to it. They have the

onion, which was hysterical today. They said they were going to wear a patch for all of Walthersburg is victims, the Pittsburgh quarterback who like assaulted a bunch of girls. But they have these websites that are posing as real news. And they'll write a story that's so close to being true. It could be true. But it's like it gets all like a lot of people have messed up. And like today they had one like they're going to be another new season of Breaking Bad. And it's harder to know what's real and what's not real. I don't look at another that shit. Those things they put on Facebook, I don't click none of those things, nothing. Because you could tell those things are just fake. I yeah, I go to honestly, I go to Drudge ESPN, UK Mail, Yahoo is like cheese ball.

Some of their their stories aren't very good. And I do look at comments who go, you know, you go straight to comments and you see and you understand that it's, I'm not going to say it's a racist country, I guess it is. But it's like every comment is kind of conservative. On what? On most news stories that are involving, you know, like culture stuff black or it's always blame Obama, always blame Obama. And then it's, you know, racist. It's just a bunch of that. Are you racist? And I love reading it. You got it thumbs up. Yes, anonymous. What's been going on with you behaving? Everything's good in your world? Yeah, I'm good. You know, it's like, I think working's important for me, you know, and you

would say that even actors, they go up and down, they always talk about not having a consistent schedule. But I also think being a comedian, you can kind of make up for those down times and also podcasting, things have changed. But you know how the old. Listen, as a comic, as an actor, you could always be busy. Like I could be busy 24 hours a day and still not get all my work done. Like just writing material, how much of that takes up your time. And some days you get something, some days you get nothing, some days you write all day to get a fucking line, a fucking line, you know, but at least you get that line. You know, you're marketing yourself, you're booking yourself, you're trying to get spots, you're trying to stay healthy and do kettlebells or run or get

sun. Yeah, you know, there's such a process. It's just not, you know, I remember when I first watched comedy and said, this is what I think I want to do. I thought, I wish I would have taken a test and saved my notebook. I thought it was just writing jokes and I had my idea completely wrong about writing was, I thought writing was, oh, I'll just write this and go up there and I'm going to howl, you know, and you went on stage. And when you get into comedy at first, you do that. And then there's no book to tell you what you do as a comic. Like, if I lived in Michigan, my day as a comic will be completely different than my day in LA, correct? Yeah, but I will say there are books on comedy. Well, like Judy Carter and the shit like that.

But when was the last time you co headlined with Judy Carter? When was the last time you saw Judy Carter at an improv? You haven't. That's my booking point. Okay. So all these people that give you books are written by people that you don't even see do fucking comedy. Well, Judy is very busy right now. We're doing one show. Open up. No, leave me one fucking club. Judy's at this fucking weekend. Leave Judy alone. She doesn't she doesn't deserve this. Judy hasn't worked 90 fucking years. So things change every year. If you're a comic, things change. Yeah, I agree. When I got here as a comic, if you did a costar on a TV show or you recurred, people went to see you on the weekend. That's it. Okay, people signed you an agent signed you a manager signed you,

they went to the comic store, everybody's jumping up and down, people want to suck your dick. Boy, is it not like that. It's the internet now and it changes every year. Well, when we got that was a big thing. When we got here wasn't the internet. Well, it became cable and then it became but when you and I got here in 98, you had to go out every night on stage. You had to write jokes. Yep. You got to go to auditions. Yeah, go to Fox and be do warm up. Yeah, you went and did warm up. I went over there with you and yeah, 1000 shows, you're on there tons. You know, you do all these things as a comic that are completely different. They come first. You know, I remember having a conversation with Mitch Hedberg and him telling me that I write three hours a day and I turned the phone off.

You know, like, that's how serious he got about it. You have to be like Kobe Bryant like Kobe Bryant. And there's so many different aspects that go into being a good comic or a great comic or a mediocre comic. You know, I knew when I was a mediocre comic what I was doing. And now that I'm a little better, I know what I'm doing and it involves so much just like MMA training. You just don't box. You got to do jiu-jitsu two days a week, got to do conditioning two days a week. You got to do karate two days a week and then you got to fucking box two days a week and you got to put it all together and hit wrestling and get your dicks up, do radio, do promo. It's a whole process. It's just not getting laundry laundry. It's just not getting in your car

Well, was it hard for you when you stopped having full-time jobs? Like we talked about it when I first started and I'm still not good at great at it yet. I've gotten better. But now that I worked a full-time job from the time I was 16 to now and I went to school. So I always had something to do during the day. And when I first started doing this full time, I part of it was I was being kind of lazy. I would just watch TV. But now even when I'm working a lot, I'll feel like I'm being lazy because I'm at my house and it's hard to fill as much time as you think you should. But also the schedule is a lot different. So even though I'm doing, I'm not doing stuff for the four, I'll be out until 10 or 11 o'clock

at night. So it's just, it's a hard transition, I think. You know, for years, I just wrote jokes. It's funny. I always have a, I crack jokes with my buddies in Jersey. They'll call them and we'll have a conversation. I mean, you know, I'm working harder now at 51 than I did when I was burglarizing houses. I mean, I'm working harder now when I was burglarizing. When I was young, I was a burglar, you know, I was a part-time burglar, whatever you do, whatever you got to do. Shocking development. But it's so weird how I work, you know, I get up at five and I tweet and Facebook for an hour and then I fucking write for an hour in the morning. I set my day up and then you have the baby. Then my wife takes a shower and she comes out and I do something with

the baby till 10. Then I do something for an hour and then she comes back and I have the baby, you know, and there's writing involved. There's email involved. There's talking to agents involved. There's just so much in your day. And I remember when it was just very simple, when you're an open micro and you get up, right? We get up and go to our job and then meet at the underground. I mean, it's, I mean, it's just crazy in terms of, you know, the internet was a game. For me, it was like cable was a game changer. And then like internet satellite TV, just it turned into TV. It was like turned into 60 channels to 200 channels. And then the internet came on and that blew everything out of the box. So you have that. And then even on, look, everyone spoke about the

night. But I also think that we only still have 24 hours in the day. And now you get that two hours, that was when we were in Seattle, that two hours of social media wasn't there. Wasn't that was not that. It wasn't there. But a lot of people listening might be like, Oh, so social media isn't work. It's fun. It's Twitter. It's Facebook. Both of you guys are amazing at social media. And I say that from seeing comics and even not comics who aren't and how much it hurts their career. Because in reality, Twitter shouldn't be that hard to do, put the stick to it and be good at it, which both of you, I think are amazing at it. It is. It's a skill at this point. You guys can be social media coaches if you think about it. Yeah, you got to be in the game for the most part.

I mean, it's fun to do. I like doing it. I just sometimes don't like the hate tweets and when it gets like that. But I think Twitter is great because you, I mean, podcasting, that was another game changer was like, which is, I don't think there's any negative with podcasting. It's probably better for a comedian now. I mean, what comedian doesn't like talking shit, right? I work on this. Every week I sit down, I go this week, I like to get Brody on and me and Lee talk and we go, Hey, Bob, I'm Brody and I'll think about Brody and what we'll talk to Brody about and what else comes up, you know, because I don't like them to be topical. And I never wanted somebody to listen to this six years from now and go,

what are these guys talking about? They're talking about today. They're not talking about their lives or how this affects them. And that's why I didn't want it to be topical. I don't want a topical comic. We're going to sit here and make fun of somebody and giggle. I like coming on here and talking and talking about our shortcomings and how we can make them better or how we could be better as human beings or, you know, eliminating fear from our lives. You know, I never put that audition on tape. I had no audition for it. Then they're on the move. I never put it on tape and I just didn't want to give up that feeling. You just don't want to do something. You look at it and you go, you pre-qualify it. Like you write yourself off. But over the last

two days, I've been thinking that maybe it was a little fear. I just didn't want to deal with it. Like I just didn't want to deal with all the fucking bullshit. Like when my agent called them, they said, no, they don't want to see me. I wasn't the type. Then a week later, they go, all right, let them put it on tape in New York. What the fuck? What the fuck? You know, so it's like you deal with these things. This is the shit that affects me today. I trained with this dude that's a badass jiu-jitsu guy. Trained with him whenever I'm home at least twice a week. Is it a guy named Eddie Bravo? No, no, no, no. It's a guy named Dave. I met him at Higgins. When I first started going down and he taught me a lot of jiu-jitsu basics,

that I had gone to other places and they never taught me shit that it's very easy to see that this was the bridge. So today we're doing something like, oh, hey, man, I've been practicing these at home. He goes, let me see. And I started doing this jiu-jitsu move for him. And he was like, Joey, when you first fucking came in here, you couldn't even go to that one leg. Now you're throwing me over. And he goes, you did it four times in a row. This isn't luck. You're doing this. And I asked him, I go, how did you know about this? And he goes, I didn't. After I saw you one day, I went home and thought about you for two nights and thought about why you couldn't do that move. So we worked on that. And it was just your hand and your elbow

movement. And he goes, I learned from watching you and breaking it down. You and I have had discussions about comics on Twitter and that they've spoken and had conversations with us. And I've said to you, if they just watch what I do, this would be easy. I don't Twitter all day. I refuse to Twitter all day. I got better shit to do than Twitter all day. I'll give you those two hours in the morning. I'll give you those for free. I'll do that all day, but I can't tweet every time I go to a restaurant or stop and take a picture. That's why I'm on Instagram. I can't. I just can't. My day is my day. I live my fucking life. I can't be on there all day, tweeting cheeseburgers and fucking grilled cheese sandwiches and pictures of black

people with handcuffs on. I can't do that shit. Whatever the fuck, you know what I'm saying? I'm not making fun of nobody. I'm just saying that. I don't have time for that. I give you what's on my mind in the morning, what eliminates my fear in the morning, what I'm thinking when I'm waking up in the morning, you know, that you don't know about. I think social media is very important, but then again, I always ask myself, would Richard Pry go home from the store at two in the morning and tweet? Probably not. But it's 2015. He probably have to. Right. You understand me? You have to. You think so? You have to. We had a guest on the show, a good friend of mine, that Lee's become friends with big fan, the Lee's. Lee's a big fan of his Ray Canella.

And he worked for Sci-Fi for 20 years and he told us how he would go home and watch his kids. And he kept going to Sci-Fi saying, guys, TV is changing. I'm watching my kids. They watch shit on demand when they want them. Netflix and all this shit. You people missing the boat. And they kept saying, no, you're getting too old. Let's face it. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. We've been friends for 20 fucking years. Five years ago, we were on the same boat. We didn't have much going on. We were all waiting for the next movie. You know, you had Hangover. You had successes with the Hangovers. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to ask you something. Remind me to ask them about the

Hangover. Nobody really knew the next move. No, these things came. Podcasting, you know, when you leave here and you go south, three blocks is a Ford dealer. I had applied at that Ford dealer to sell cars. When I moved to the valley five years ago in April, maybe six months after that, I had a decision. The decision was I was in a quick comedy on the road. I was in a new comedy in town. And one of my friends called me with a movie role or TV role. I would do it for insurance, but I was done with comedy. And then the fucking Jew hit me up on Facebook and said, do you want to meet? And he had all these ideas and I would go slow to fuck down. Whoa, Nelly, I'm an old man. If I stayed that old man, I would have been selling cars. If I didn't take his advice

and then he kept bugging me after I had the Felicia podcast going, do the Felicia podcast. But you got to do something in the morning. You're twittin' and you got these fucking people on there listening to music and saying to suck my dick and God's going to help me today, whatever the fuck. So we did the podcast. So I started thinking like a young man. I had to. That's the only way you're going to stay in this game. When you got to the store, remember there was a bunch of older comics? They're not even around anymore. Why not even one of them? Because they didn't grow. They didn't evolve. Comedy is an evolving game. I wasn't making fun of Judy Brown before. I love Judy Brown. If you go to my fucking house, Judy Brown's comedy book is in my space. Judy Carter.

Judy Carter. With the fucking tab ripped off. That's how long I have it. How many times I bought the Judy Carter book? Five or six times. I've got that book. Gene Perot out of writing. That's what you do. Gene Perot must have had 16 fucking workbooks. I think I did three of them and I would get pissed off at Gene Perot. If I was doing those workbooks, I would hit Gene Perot on Facebook and tell him I hope his mother gets it by a train. Cock-suck it because I couldn't do those exercises. I couldn't figure out. He used to write for Bob Hope. I'm telling you, Gene Perot workshops. Well, it's just back then, books were the way people found out stuff. So you bought books. Now, there's probably a guy doing a comedy podcast, how to do comedy podcast,

or how to do comedy YouTube video. And it's just the way it is. It is that way. But you get these guys, you know, stand up is about doing it. You know, I don't want to compete against these, these, the YouTubers, but I feel like comedy is the real, the real deal. But YouTube saved me. YouTube, listen, comedy central is never going to give me a one hour. HBO is never going to give me a one hour. Right. So I got a couple of options. What's the matter, Lee? You're going to get me crying. No, I'm just high. Either Netflix gives me a one hour or I got to shoot my one hour or Amazon or me and Lee shoot 10 minutes a month posted every two months. And I got my own special on YouTube, which will get more hits

than you get on comedy central because comedy is going to play your special on Friday night. And that's it. And that's it. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's it. And then they go on for DVDs and sales. So if I don't DVR or whatever, your thing is fucking gone forever on YouTube. I can publicize it 10 minutes every day. And it's yours. Brodie Stevens, YouTube page. You edit it. You edit it. Brodie Stevens, YouTube page. And every 60 days, there's a new 10 minutes by Brodie Steven premiere. Look, I don't have any problem disagreeing with that. But also the other problem is just warm up. It's energy. You're putting out that crazy energy. And then you also have to go, you know what, I'm on a little role

right now. Because if you ask me, I like the internet, but I'm also old school. I get a kick out of getting to be on MLB network or NFL network or Fox sports and those shows. I'm old school. I like that. I know that funny or die. And like I said, those internets, they're more, but there's just something about TV. It just makes it, I feel like it's more official. But what I'm trying to say, I totally remind me about a question. Yeah, I'm high too. I did spy the man too. I did the longest shot. And somebody once told me something after a long and short that makes a lot of sense. It's that sometimes we do movies and we don't think we're going to get out of them, what we wanted to get out of them. And he goes, these movies going

cultures. You know, I'm very lucky right now. Grudge match is playing on HBO and they've been putting on eight o'clock with ride along. So it's like ride along grudge match and something else. For me, I need three more weeks of that. I need three more weeks to grudge match to play because it's free advertising for me for casting people. Oh, that's what I was getting. I'm sorry. That's the one sense of it. But did you get what you wanted out of the hangover one as big as the movie was biggest movie of the summer 200 million at the box office. You must be getting some great residual. Okay, I had some decent ones early on in once in a while. I get it. But it's part of my act. It does feel good. A little bit of validation or just kind of cool. Absolutely. Absolutely.

It's a cool little absolute. I just buy the man. People come up to me and said, we saw you in Spider-Man 2. It was fucking cool. One line. Even I felt cool. I can't lie to you people. I do shit all the time. I don't feel cool. I did Spider-Man 2. I felt fucking cool. You know, it was a cool movie to do. If you come to me, I'll tell you 10 times the same thing. It was a cool movie. My question is, when you shot the hangover and you went home in the back of your mind between you and I as brothers, I've known you 20 years. Did you say to yourself, this is the one that's going to push me over the time? Then the movie comes out. And yeah, your friends come up to you. Your mom comes up to you. Your agent's proud of you. But then it

really pushed us to where we wanted to go. After I did the longest yard, I ain't gonna lie to you. Listen, I quit doing blow in 2007. Not because I've been doing blows in 79. But after the longest yard, I went into one of the biggest funks in my life because everybody told me once the movie comes out, you're going to be writing your own ticket. But when I didn't, I didn't know how to... I already had a plan to succeed. I didn't have a plan to fail. You know what I'm saying? And that failure made me snort, triple the amount of coke, maybe put on 20 more thousand pounds than I had already done. When you did the hangover, how did you feel? For me, it was just all bonus. It was all playing with house money. Because I never ever thought

I would be in a movie and be... I just didn't think so. And even when I shot it, I felt like, okay, I've been in a couple little things. I could tell it was a big movie and I did it. I just, I stayed professional. But I didn't think it was going to change my career. I just wasn't... I come from a baseball background, college and very structured. So I just kind of play things close to the vest. Even when my... I knew my TV show that I had on Comedy Central, which is kind of hard to say, say that, but I did. There's no denying. I felt like that would give me a little... That would have given me a boost and helped me push through. And I think it kind of has with the combination of these other things. I've kind of like pushed through to a new level. But I also

feel like I'm in the opportunity right now to go even one more level. And then I can quote, quote, chill. And I think some of it, honestly, is just getting out of warm up. The thing is, I get mic time. I'm getting paid. I get to perform every day for Comedy Central executives and funny or die executives, audiences, the comedians appreciate it. When I did it at Best Damn Sports Show, I never auditioned. I mean, I obviously auditioned for the... I did for the Hangover, but pretty much I gave up auditioning because I wanted to ingrain myself at Fox Sports, where I would know every executive, everybody involved. I just do the best job I could do. I ended up doing a thousand shows and guys who were like segment producers like Eric Shanks,

he runs the whole network now. And George Greenberg, executive producer, he runs it. I mean, all these guys are there. So it is relationships and I went for that. But I feel like now it's, I got to kind of, I just got to ride the wave. It's just warm up takes a lot. This is a hard, this particular one. How many hours does warm up take out of your day? Every day for men? For me, well, I do four shows a week. I'm on the clock for two hours straight. From the minute I get out of my car, I walk across the street and boom, I'm on. I have, I work with the audiences there. I hit them there and I have to stay on and focus for two hours. There's no, there's no let down. And this show is very joke heavy, joke, joke, joke, energy in

and out. It's just high energy, kind of like how Chelsea was. But Chelsea, you know, had her books coming out. It was a lot of these young girls from, you know, San Diego and Arizona. And it shot in over by the beach and she had just had a ton of fans. And it was just basically there was just, I mean, it started out with paid audience, but then she just blew up. And then it was just kind of keep the audience under control, warm them up, keep them under control. And it was hard, but I wasn't like beat up after I'd hang out. It was like, I felt good. Whereas this show, it's like I'm trying to do the same thing, but I'm not, though, for different reasons. It's an adult show. It's hard to get adults there at 3.30. You can't get to college groups like I would get

at best. And it was just a lot of, so at the end of the day, it takes a lot out of me. And I appreciate it. I like doing it. It feels good. But I'm also seeing that, you know what, I should be podcasting. Imagine if I podcast took that took that chance, podcasted, because people, that's all they asked me to do. Podcast build up my audience. I will go out on the road. I will do that. And I don't hate warm up, you know, I'll do it. But it's, you know, I think I've got them out. I'm good at it. You're really good at it. I mean, I don't not like doing it. Don't get me wrong. My girlfriend and I went and saw you in Irvine at the oddball. And I've been very lucky that I've worked in TV. And I've been able in Los Angeles, I've been able to go to a bunch of TV tapings.

And they're fun. But everyone in here in this room knows how bad a canned fake laughter on TV shows sound. There's really bad warm ups. And if the warm ups bad, then they're not going to laugh. They're not going to be a good audience for the show, which is super important. And I've seen you there. I've seen at the comedy store, a bunch not doing warm up there. But it's kind of like the internet kind of gets looked down upon. Like you said, you enjoy doing live TV better. I think you think warm up gets looked down upon, but it really shouldn't. It shouldn't. No, no, it's a skill. It's definitely a skill. And I see him on stage. Yeah, it's amazing. But here's the deal. It's kind of like maybe I think you're talking about this

before. Yeah, you do the warm up. You're in front of, what, 115 people, three, you know, you can be up like Key and Peel and the guys from Reno 911 or whatever. Chris Hardwick, you know, you get all that, but that's who sees it. You do a podcast, thousands see it, or hear it, hopefully. So I'm not saying it's wasted in there, but I feel right now, I'm at the point where maybe I could put that energy in go for it. But I also know that I'm good at it. I don't, I don't not like warm up. I just can't be beat up. I just feel I'm getting beat up a little bit. I remember when I first moved here, I would go to shows. I went to Politically Incorrect and I would see a boy warm up. Danny Vermont. Did he do it there?

Was it Danny? Oh my God. Long hair. Yeah. No, I know Danny is. It was either Danny or what's his name? Robert Lungblade or a bald guy. Or KB Capara. What's his name? KT. Chucky B. No. No, he wouldn't have done it. It was a long time ago. No, it was a long time ago, but I remember there was a guy that I see now from time to time, but the worst warm up ever was the guy on news radio. Joe and all those guys used to call him Captain Date Rape because he looked like a date rape guy. And I remember sitting at the warm up going like, what do they pay this guy? I gotta get in here. I mean, that is one thing where he was really bad. And then I worked with Brody on the best dance board show. And I know Brody a long time and one day they're

miking me. And I've got my back to Brody. Like I've got my back to the stage and they're miking me like they're like, hold on, come on. You know, they're doing it in a rush. And I'm hearing him warming up this crowd, but he's not doing the traditional warm up. He's talking about foot fungus or something. I'm fucking howling because they're looking at him like, what are you talking and he's just going off. He's not even looking at him. He's got a football jersey on a whistle around his neck. And he's talking about foot fungus or something. And me and the girl that was doing the makeup or the mic, whatever we just looked at them, looked at each other like that is fucking amazing. And I could see that I had been to a thousand tapings. They don't even let

you go out in that type of boundaries. They don't even let you go out where you were going as a- Oh, they let me. They let him. They let him. Not saying fucking cunt. No, no, no. Keep it clean. Just very clean. But just talking about something that has nothing. There was so, like, give me the three actors from the Godfather. Like, they were doing quizzes and shit. No. It's the biggest thing in this industry is there's very few craigslist job postings. You get jobs and you've got a bunch of jobs from people you know. So, Brody, you've done a bunch of shows because people ask for you. So that's, I mean, that's the best kind of job hunting. You're not the people that are asking you to do jobs. Yeah. What was your first warm-up? Was it the best sport show? Or it was. Yeah. You

had Zach in between that. I did one. I did VH1. Yeah, I did Zach's show. I got fired. The guy thought that I worked like half the shows. He thought I scared the audience. And it was like Fred Graver. He ran the shows. I got a travel channel or something. But he said I scared the audience. But the thing was, the whole audience, it was the same audience from Best Damn Sports Show. You know what I mean? It was like them sitting there. So, but what upset me was I didn't get a note. It just got fired. It's like, I'm working with the same guys. I know the audience. How can I scare an audience that knows me? So, you could have just given me a note. So then Zach, like, and God, this is a long, so Zach is, you know, it was a long time ago,

but Zach did a, you know, they tried to get me back and I did come back. And then I worked some of the shows. Show got canceled. Sorry. Best Damn Sports Show. I got in trouble a couple times every for the most part. I stayed with it. A thousand shows. Chelsea, four, four hundred shows. They left me alone. Seven year run. Ridiculousness leaves me, you know, it's like leave me alone. Wanda Sykes, they got rid of me. They got rid of her. What show is that? The Wanda Sykes show. And you were warm up for that? Yeah, I did like ten shows. Here's the deal. I take care of comedians. It's like, I'm focused on taking, like when at Chelsea, I want to take care of these comedians. And at the end of the day, what does it do for you? It's like, but I know that Kevin

Hart knows me. I know that Jeff Dunham for Best Damn Sports Show knows me. I know that if I really need something, I took care of these guys, you know, and Whitney Cummings. This is before they had everything. So I didn't do it for that, but that's what drives me. And that's why I feel like I like having the respect of the comedians. But I disfume when the crowd isn't good. It just boils my blood. And it's like not healthy sometimes. But I'm like a coach, like let's go. And just, you know, it's not easy. It's, but you have to like, I'm good at it. But to get the, you can't just, I mean, I have to prepare my day. I don't audition, you know, everything. I have to leave. It's like preparation. I have to get up,

do the same stuff. That's how hard warm-up is. And then I'm done. And I'm just like wiped out after, not wiped out, but kind of grind it out for this particular show. I'm that good. I've like created something. So I'm not hating on warm-up. Don't get me wrong. But I want to, I definitely need to be podcasting more. And I know that would be a big difference. And I think I should have a YouTube channel. And that's it. But here's the other thing. In the back of my mind, I'm doing other stuff. I mean, I did do MLB network. I was on a Fox Sports, you know, fantasy football show all year. So it's not like those things aren't happening. So I kind of put my energy into that warm-up in TV. You know, I went from doing warm-up in the road. You know,

I did everything about my show and then warm-up came and then warm-up and then do the road for my show. And then once the road stopped, still doing warm-up, then I focused on, you know, the Fox Sports and doing the NFL stuff and then getting a cartoon, put my energy into that. But I think that for 2015, I just need to be, I'd like to like figure some things out. There's just, you know, I don't want to get to break behind the scenes, but I'm just not, I know I could be, because I've done the show. I was on a TV show. So I know what it's like to feel good, to work half the time, to put in half of the stress and make twice as much and be seen by thousands. That's what I'm saying. Like warm-up, you know, 115 people see me.

You know, yeah, it's a steady paycheck. But I've been on the other side where it's like, wow, I got a dressing room and, you know, they're doing makeup for me. I feel accepted. It's like, I can do this. And so I put my energy into that. And kind of my mind has been wanting, you know, just doing so many different things. But these are good problems. I'm not complaining. Have you ever got somebody at a show saying I saw you do warm-up for the show? Have you seen them around the country? You mean like, like audience members who saw you warm up from Minnesota went and saw you when you were in Minnesota? It happened. Yeah, you know, not so much though. Here in LA, I get kids that come up to me that remember me from high school. Like they're high

school. I basically, every high school came into Best Damn Sports Show, every community college. So living here in LA, kids will come up to me, go, Hey, I remember you from Best Damn Sports Show. I was in high school. We did the thing at Loyola. For Best Damn, you and I over on Sunset Boulevard. There was like a school there. And I did the bit about the Pine Tar with, he was going to be on the show that day. So we did the bit on the Pine Tar. It was just a fact. You were great on the show, by the way. Jelly on everything. Kind of remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were great. They, you know, at first it was kind of hard, but then they started, that was my first TV gig. It was 150 an episode. How many did you do? You did a lot. Like 20 of them maybe. Maybe even more.

Maybe even more. But you, you knocked it out. Joey would come in. This is a live to tape taping. It's live basically. And Joey, every time, I'm not just saying it, you knocked it out to the point like this guy's good. Rich Williams is writing. Rich Williams wrote. They came with the red hair that's still around. I still see him around. He was a good writer for me. They wrote, I was the non, whatever sports analyst. I was the non-committal sports analyst. You were great. And then Lonnie Love was the other one. She was great. It was like you too. And then the Farley Brothers. The Farley Brothers. That was about it. It was like, those are the guys doing stuff. And you know what? When you're doing warm up, that's another thing. I never, and I think it comes from

my baseball background or just kind of being a team sport guy. Fuck, my mind is so bad. I'm sorry. Like the whole night, I'm, you know, I'm talking about being pushing guys. Yeah, who knows. I forgot. What does that mean? I'm so like discombobulated recently. It could be because I took a beta blocker. And that's the thing. I'm taking my meds. But the minute you want to, like, you don't, like a clonopin, which is an anti-anxiety, you take as needed. Like, it's like, if I don't take just a little bit, after a day, my body, I get a little absent-minded and that sort of stuff. And plus I smoked pot. You got it. Now, what, we talked about this with Greg Fitzsimmons. We said, you know, I've had addictions. I, you know, I know about weed. I know about

mugging people. I know about fucking Robin drug dealers. I don't know about the symptoms that you had. Like, I don't know about really what you had. It's called Judaism. Being a Jewish guy, that's what happened. For me, you know, I, I'm really stoned. All right, good. I'll give it to in a nutshell. Like, I grew up in the valley. Typical divorced Jewish 80s single mother, all right? Being a Jewish kid. So my story wasn't really all that different than other kids that had the same exact situation as me. And I, what I'm saying was, it wasn't that uncommon. So I did that, but I was still like, you know, I was playing sports, whereas maybe I should have been playing drums, or I should have been maybe doing, maybe doing company. I don't know. I did sports because

I had a good arm and it was an outlet for me. But looking back on it, maybe I should have done the arts. So when you're doing sports, it's, you know, it's a jock world. There's a reason why a lot of Jews don't play sports. They're sensitive. So you're in that jock world, big nose, hairy, goofy, gay. And it's like, got to me. Now here's the thing, you know, I'm not blaming, you know, parents being divorced. If my dad was around, he had, it was an active member in my life, but there is something about having that strong male presence in your life. So again, my mind is wandering on stuff. But my life wasn't all that different. But I would fight with my sister. I'd like, you know, and had a Jewish mother. So all the symptoms that make comedians,

probably great comedians, they come from FDUP backgrounds. Mine was, yeah, typical, but a little more, my sister, me playing sports. And then I went to college, same thing, getting picked on. And then I went to Seattle, started doing comedy. And I was just like, I just needed something to relax. I didn't like always like, I just wanted to slow my mind down and not be so sensitive. And then I took the med, like a antidepressant up there. And it just kind of like, it gave me confidence. It didn't, it gave me like a little buffer to be my, I felt like to be myself more, like to be myself and not be so let things hurt me. And then I also felt like it's comedy, it's good to be hurt. That's when I started reading those Judy Carter books and all that. So I felt

like every, and then early on the guys up there, you know, the comedians, we can go on and name them all bit like Kermit, Todd Sawyer, Rodney Sherwood, whatever, they would, you know, encourage you and say, Hey, you're just funny. Keep doing it. It's very supportive. Whereas I came from that jock world. And then I went to, I went to comedy is just so refreshing. And then, you know, you, you, you get on that, that merry go, merry go round, merry go round with medication. So I took it there. And at first it was like side effects, but I felt like it gave me a little bit of a buffer. I don't know. And then I went to New York and I really wasn't on anything. And then I felt like maybe I need, you know, it's like I'm constantly having my mom, the Jewish stuff. Well,

Stephen, I want you to be happy. You should go talk to a psychologist. You should do this. It's like, leave me alone. That's the Jewishness. Like, give me a pill. So I took like, like Ritalin to help me focus, but these are all prescribed. Oh yeah, nothing illegal. But after three years of New York, I just kind of wanted to get out of there. And then I came back to LA. And that's where like, when Facebook started to come in, so I was feeling pretty good. And then now you're getting inundated with Facebook. You're on your, you know, you're in LA, I got to make, and that's where I said, I got to get back on like an antidepressant. So, and it took the edge off. And then at that point, I just kind of like went for it. And then that's when my comedy started

taking off again. And it's just hard to get off the meds. It's not like I would like to be clean, but or whatever you want to call, but it's just hard to get off it. So people go, why don't you get off it? I don't, and I, I don't want to feel like the meds made me who I am. I'm still who I am. And they don't make me high, but I'm not on a lot of stuff. I take like 10 milligrams, Alexa Pro, and I take LeMickdahl because they tell me to as a backup. And that's it. And I take clonopin just in case like it seems like sometimes I'll get like a little, I could feel me racing a little bit like my palms. And that's probably just the addiction. It's not like I'm nervous about something. It's like, oh, I'm doing, doing Joey's podcast. I'm nervous or I'm doing a spot. It's

like my body physically wanting it. So that's not, you know, that's like I was telling you earlier, it's like, I don't want to be relying on that because the situations aren't making me nervous. But sometimes they are, you know, there is a reason why I am taking it. It's like getting those opportunities. I feel like when I'm on TV, if I'm going to be on it, like when I was doing Chelsea, the last couple, I was taking my meds and I felt like it was more relaxed. So that was a stressful show, but I don't need it for warmup. Sometimes I would take it on the Fox sports show, but I think there's certain times that take it. I guess they do work a beta blocker in a, but I always just, and there's no shame in it. There's no shame. No, no, no, no. I

rather you, now when you had your problem last year, 18 months ago, yeah, did you just stop taking your meds? Well, kind of. Yeah. You know, it was like, I was out of warmup and I was working at, I was working at Chelsea and I left kind of on bad terms. I left them bad terms because everything was so great for a while and I was just shocked when this moment happened to the point where it like shocked me to where I left, but I also do in the back of my mind that I had an opportunity with HBO and all that. So me leaving wasn't like I was leaving to nothing. I knew I had something, but it wasn't like, this is going to make me a millionaire, but I knew I had to give it my all. So anyway, when I left, it just, you know, it hurt because I went from like being

in to being out right away. So that hurt, stayed on my meds, and then I started doing the HBO stuff and I felt like I just wanted, it's like, I felt like I was, I couldn't drink, I couldn't like enjoy myself. I felt like when you were on Lexapro, if you drink a beer, you get nauseous and I get up in the middle of the night and go and pee and I go, I didn't want to do that anymore and I go, I'm feeling good. So then I went to, I went to London, not London, Scotland to perform and I know I've got the HBO show, I've been doing TMZ, I'm over there, I cut back, I ration my meds a little bit and I'm feeling fine, drinking, feeling good. I felt like open and it just kind of spiraled and then when I went straight to Montreal and I got super sick and they gave me an antibiotic

and I stopped taking my meds. I just couldn't even swallow, but I got the antibiotic 24 hours, I felt better and my mind was clear and super open. I was happy and I remember, people tell me, Brody, celebrate, take a victory lap. You're on the, you got the show, they got picked up, aren't you excited? You're getting the host TMZ. You're on the laugh factory thing, they love it. So I was hearing all that, take a victory and I was feeling good. I wasn't feeling bad. I was feeling good and then I came back and it was just kind of, I just kept spiraling up. I was not taking my meds, but I came back full of confidence because I did Montreal well. I did well over in Scotland. I never been, or Ireland never been there. So those are two big things,

hosting TMZ coming up when I came and I'd already been on like every week for the last month and then they asked me to host, had that, had the HBO stuff happening, telling Brody, you're great, take a victory lap. So I came back and I was like all excited and I think like Zach or my friends were just not, I was out of character and I agree. It was out of character and I was irritable and I was in, but I was also happy. I was having a typical manic episode. All the, all the markings were there, check, delusional check, not sleeping check, cursing check. I had it. So I was just, I went on Twitter and that's the whole social media thing and I was just going on it and Joey's life is a manic episode pretty much. I was just doing that. I was out at people,

I was out of character and I was also on an antibiotic, you know, throw that in the mix. It was a perfect storm. And so then I said some silly stuff on Twitter, basically within a five day period. It was this whirlwind and I knew it wasn't like I could fly. Who did you go off against on Twitter? Who did you fuck with? Well, anybody who was like a jerk to me, you know, in the past, like Adam Corolla, not him, but his, I did a show and his freaking fans, seven pages of comments ripping me. So FU, you call yourself a standup now. So you're in the ballgame. FU. Jim Gaffigan, who was like not cool to me one time or whatever, nothing. That's just, and I said something. He wasn't not cool, but you know, maybe I took it the wrong way. It's always been like, you know,

we've known each other for a while. So I kind of lashed out at him. I lashed Jeff Ross. I was just on a roll like I'm like Charlie Sheen and the people liked it. I was like saying funny stuff. Again, I wasn't like, I was like wide open. It was like I was on cocaine. And again, it felt good, but I knew I was on a bender. I knew that I needed some kind of, you know, intervention or a vacation, but I was just on a roll. Things were happening and, but it was too much. And so I got, they like, you know, threw me, took me away. I laughed now. It's like when I got taken away, it was like, once I was in the hospital, like recuperating, it like became like funny to me, you know, kind of that it's rock and roll. That's what happens. I goofed up. It wasn't like,

this is something that happens all the time. Like you're here again or had a drug. I did have a drug. I stopped, but I had something that it was just rock. It's almost kind of funny, but not funny. You know, you're going to a hospital. I did not expect it. Nobody ever made jokes that, Oh, Brody, you're going to flip out and go to once in a while. Like guys, you know, Brody's going to come in and shoot somebody. Not like, not you, but I, you know, you hear about those guys, but, you know, a couple of years ago, we had, we had Rudy Sorzo on and he was talking about how there's a thin line between mental health and talent, you know, and I go down the store and I got to be with you when I first met you. When I first met you 20 years ago, I used

to break your balls, you know, and then I took your car. I went to gig harbor and I took your car and I did night in Volvo station because you pissed me off. You kept telling me that you still was core. You can't tell me that I can't do something in two hours. Oh, I could make it here from San Diego an hour, 20 minutes. And I was snorting coke. I could leave San Diego. And I get here at one and one night we're going to gig harbor to do the contest and he kept telling me I couldn't get to gig harbor in a certain amount of time. So I said, get in the back. We put him in the back of his Volvo and I did station wagon. I did 90. And I mean chicken teriyaki. This is 1995. The best chicken. Yeah. Number one, teriyaki next door. The best. Oh, she would cut it with

scissors. The best you have had in Seattle. Oh, the underground. Yeah. I must have had that seven times. Oh, it was six bucks. It was great. Chicken teriyaki. Number one is called number one. Number one. Teriyaki next to the comedy underground swanish. And you must have had. Oh, get it to go in that little styrofoam. Styrofoam. You could go down to do the comedy and get it. Oh, that's all you thought about. Like you would, would you really want to eat at six? No, because I'm going to go there at eight and do the open mic and I'm just going to go to the next door and get it. Yeah. And Josh, sometimes if you called Josh and said I'm on my way, he would buy two of them. I mean, when you got downstairs, he'd go go upstairs and pick them up. They were good. Oh my God.

We wouldn't go anywhere without chicken teriyaki. And here I can't get no chicken teriyaki. It was good. The sauce. All the sauce was everything. Once you had this, nothing here, nothing. The one that we go to the expensive one is okay, but it's just chicken teriyaki. Like chicken wasn't up there. It was chicken teriyaki. And it was the fucking salad. No fruit. Oh yeah, the salad. Fucking salad. Thank you. Oh my God, Lee, the little salad. Oh, crispy. I can taste it now. Is it still open? No, it's gone. I could taste it now. It had like, it was like a blue cheese ranch. Oh my God. Yeah, like this. Whatever they put on it, whatever they put on it. It was great. But the lettuce was crispy.

Yeah, like that with the rice. Clean, clean Bobby. White rice. Clean Bobby. Who's Bobby? Bobby Kennedy. Bobby. It was good. And she would cut it with scissors in the back, like actual like scissors from like Office Depot. I put sriracha on that motherfucker on the rice and on the chicken and mixed that motherfucker in with that salad, good, googly moogly. And it was no frills. It was just two, it was just table and chair. And it was filthy in there. Filthy, filthy. Some japs were filthy. Some of the best Chinese would have had has been a B rating. Yeah, oh please. And the best you'll have is a D rating when the guy's picking his nose and playing with a mouse from the mousetrap. The food wasn't all that bad at the comedy underground. They had good burgers. Nachos were

their thing. Fucking Lionel. Lionel was the cook. The cook. I remember him. And we used to steal the big headed chicks nachos, the transvestite. Rita O. Rita O. She go, stop it. Rita O. Al Fox. Chaz Ablen. Didn't you fight Al Fox? Al Fox was a handicapped kid. He got mad at me, but he also got mad at you. I have it on the video. Well, he went to war with me. He went to war with me, Al Fox. And I called the stage and go, I'm sweating like Al Fox at a disco because he couldn't walk. He had like, I have, we have it on video where you're like yelling at, he's getting, I'll take your fucking, he came up to the stage and put his finger in my face.

This was, this one was in the back. I had, we have it. I was in the, you know, in the, where the comedians sat in the back, in the back, back, back. That's where it happened. Fucking crazy. Comedy Underground was, was, uh, I mean, that's where I got my start doing stand-up. That was the spot where I just learned everything about the fundamentals of a three-man comedy show, Seattle. You're learning a joke, stage time, you know, right down, not right down the middle, but you know, good comedians came out of there. It was a smart, it was a good spot to be, don't you think? I cut my teeth at the, at the original room, but I looked in the mirror at the, uh, that's the first place that featured me. I opened up for Lori Kilmorton,

Labor Day weekend, 1995, the first place ever to offer me a feature spot. So I took, you know, I stayed, I stayed for the contest. It was a mirror. It was a good wake-up call for me. I will never, ever forget my 18 months of comedy in Seattle. It was, uh, an education. I learned a lot. The funniest thing that happened in Seattle was thinking I had an idea, and then a man by the name of Doug Stano came to town. And that Friday night, I nearly stopped doing comedy. That was, he was one of the best live performances I ever saw in my life on a Friday night. And he brought Rico up to do a guest spot with the spear, with the spear on his face, the spider on his face, one minute guest spot, a one minute guest spot. But I saw Doug Stano rip

an audience, just do things that night. I never saw a regular stand up comic do. And I went camping. I was supposed to go see Alanis Morris set the next night on the other side of the Gorge. And I'd said, I ain't paying $65 for Alanis Morris set. I paid 15 for Pink Floyd DeWall, and me and the stripper went camping. And that night she went to bed and I just cried. I was like, I got to do something with my life. Because if I'm not going to be as good as Doug Stano, I'm not going to do this. I got to do it like that. That's what I have to do. This shit I'm doing, whatever I'm doing up to now, is done tonight. Monday, when I go back to that open, how big was Monday's and Tuesday's in our lives? It was it. Monday and Tuesday was Madison Square Garden toss. That's all. It was

your open mic. And Fred was his name? What was the name of the guy? Carl. Carl. One of the best. Carl Warmhoven, right. One of the best men you ever meet in life. Did more for me and come. He taught me how to put the there instead of this. Take that fuck and put it over here. Watch what happens to that joke. And I would look at him like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'd go up there and bam, you fuck. And I got, once he made me a believer, I was done. Every Monday I would go up and go, Carl, watch me. Let me know what I'm doing wrong. And he would tell me. And I took it like a man. Who's very pro love comedy. Loved it. Loved it. Like you. He loved it. And he knew it. He didn't do it, but he knew it. And on one night he called me up and he goes, when are you going?

He came down on a Monday night and he goes, what number are you in this list of something? He goes, we have a guest spot tonight. And it was Rick Dukeman. That's the first time ever. And I didn't know who the fuck Rick Dukeman was. He goes, you're going up after Rick. And I went up after Rick, and I didn't know who Rick was. So I killed him. Do you follow me? If I would have known who Rick was, it would have gone into my head and I would have bombed. I can't follow Rick. The guy does movies. He just did a fucking Bruce Willis movie before this time. I can't follow Rick. He was only at the fucking night show. He's been on Letterman. I'm going to follow Rick. But I did so well after Rick that I became friends with Rick.

So Rick was my mentor when I came to LA. Rick was the one who got me the meeting with Tom Hanks after the longest yard. Rick called me in Houston and said, Hey, dog, Tom Hanks is looking for you. You made this kid laugh. That's how good friend that was with from Carl Warman, you know, he's gone now. I think he passed away. No, he had a stroke. He did. He's alive as far as I'm sure that's what I heard. I heard he's not doing it. Him and Ron Reed ran it. You know, that, uh, but that open mic, that's, I mean, that's what you did. That's on you were there. And then Wednesdays was 65% of the door. All of us could get a night. So we would all do the show. We'd get the check and go to McCormick. Oh, one of those deals. 70% of the door. You

know, we've got 15 people. You've made a little money. And then Wednesdays would be Tacoma at Crossroads. It'll be a contest. And if you did, you want it, you come back and do like Thursday or Friday, Monday, something like that. I would drive down there with no gas. So I would have to win. And then you got to follow on Monday. So you picked up another hundred to follow on Monday. That was big in those days. Ken ran it. The guy named Ken and the chick. Forget her name. Susan. She's like a big girl. She's my friend on Facebook. She did like a SEMA jokes. Fucking amazing that we were doing that scene. Seattle was great for me. Seattle was great for me. Just coming from coming. First of all, coming from Phoenix to Seattle. Those are two

opposite cities. You're coming from golf, you know, conservative, you know, to Seattle, rain, open minded. It was just, I was in, I was in heaven as somebody like, I wanted to jump into that culture and it was great. I have fantastic vivid memories of doing shows and hanging out and being in the rain and the fresh air and the, I really enjoyed it. But I'll tell you, excuse me, the minute I moved to New York, I never looked back. When I went to New York, it was like, that's it. Never thought about Seattle again. What's happened to me? Maybe I'll go back to Seattle when I, when I can relax. I do, I do like, it's probably too crowded now, but you, and you told me, Joey's the one guy who told me, he says, Brody, you got to go to

New York. He told me he was going to New York. I said, I gave him the green light and life. I said, you have to do it. You're young. You got nothing to lose. You got a little money put away in the bank. Go do your thing. You already were doing the, the show with Tana. Yeah. You had experience. You were in New York, New York. I remember being in LA and playing tennis with Doug Stano. And one afternoon as I'm leaving, a kid by the name of Mitch Hedberg pulls me and he goes, Hey, I got to ask you some questions. They go, come to my house. Well, I got iced tea. Carol, the stripper used to make sun tea and Mitch was like, I have an opportunity to move to New York. What do you think? I'm like, what are you fucking crazy? There's nobody like you.

You want to go where there's nobody like you. Why would you want to go as a thousand Jews? And they got to fight fucking Jews. Well, they're looking for Jews for this movie. You want to go there? You have a thousand Jews. You want to go where there's no Jews, then you stick out. So you stick out, even though you're Jewish, your comedy was going to stick out because there was nobody as crazy as you. They were all trying to do something happen on the way to the store. You're up there talking about seven, eight, one, eight forever. So you're a modeling Beirut. Yeah, I just kept at it. And you have these breakthroughs. And it's also, I always felt like, could I be funny back East? Okay. And I went to Seattle and I saw, okay, I'm funny in Seattle.

And then I was a tour guide at Radio City and I had every school from like the Eastern Seaboard high schools. And I was good with that. And then I barked at the comedy seller and I was good. So I, that's what New York, you know, it's tough. These guys, it's a tough town. They're tough. And I know it's changed now. It's not the same. But I had to go there and I had to do lower East side comedy that went until 2.30 in the morning. You know, Seattle, you're done at 11. But New York is just something raw was there that, you know, opened me up. And if you, you know, it's like, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. I did three years. And I felt like, and that was my plan to do three years in New York, come back to LA in the

year 2000. I bumped into you in 97 in LA. We went to coaching horses with the chubby blonde. Yeah, and your apartment and the stripper and the apartment. Yeah, I remember. No, who else was there that night? Carol, me, you and the blonde, the chubby blonde chick. That was hot. I don't think that sucks. I left you with it. I said, bro, he's gonna fuck her. And she probably left me and cool. Oh, I gotta ask you something, bro, because it was totally young comic, 25 year old comic. And I had to give him the talk, you know, to talk about it. This is what you're gonna do. You got to sit or get off the ball, you know, on the road and this and talking to you makes me, I was feeling guilty about giving them the talk, but talking to you on

the podcast makes me feel like it did the right thing because it's an experience at every level. When you're 25, if you have to go to New York for three years to do comedy, you're not missing none, Lee. That's a fucking stripe. That's like me sending you to ranger school. Lee, you go to ranger school. Why are you talking about? You're gonna learn to shoot motherfuckers in the head from 50 yards away with a gun and then learn how to open up cans of tuna fish with no fucking can opener. You're gonna learn shit. And you know, this is the thing with comedy. You just learn. You just adapt. Did I get something from those six-month tours I used to do by myself on a Greyhound bus with strippers and going to Toronto? We discussed last week. Sure, I got something.

I built character. I built a certain confidence that you can't take away. You know, you keep talking about these YouTube guys. I feel at times like I'm a YouTube guy, but you know the difference that me being a YouTube guy and half these other guys, I got legs to back it. I've got a spine to back it, a comedy spine to back it. You can't take nothing away from me on stage. You could take away my IMDB page. You could take that away. I could take away your HBO show. I could zap it that it would never even existed. But I can't take away your stand-up. I can't take away the effort you put into that. That's always going to be there. You know, the story, I tell, you know, I asked, what's his name? Why did the singer from Guns N' Roses go crazy? Sometimes people can't

digest the success. Probably. They can't absorb the success. Whatever comes my way, I could absorb it because I did the work. And I'll tell you what, I do tell comedians this, and you told me, you know, it's go away. You would say like, leave LA for six months and come back and they'll, they'll see that growth. You're going to grow by doing the road or wherever you go, and then come back. Ooh, if you're there too much, you know, you're at the comedy store too much, they don't, they don't see the growth. They don't see it. Because there probably isn't much. And if you're hanging around, they don't see it. You know, it's wide open. You can't do that. You have to become a commodity. You have to become like, they want to do business with you. One thing I

didn't know about LA is you have to make them seem like they, they want to do business with you. That's it. Everything else is background music. This is the major leagues. That's what I tell. Joey says all the time. This is it. This is, what's the, I heard an expression the other day, I hadn't heard it since I was a kid. And it's a baseball term. And this baseball term. Home run. No, strikeout. No, everything's real in the field. Oh, I haven't heard that. Oh my God. When I was a kid, that's all. Everything's real in the field. Everything's real in the field. That's it. That's a baseball expression. Everything's real in the field. New to me. And it's, I like it. This is it. Everything's real in this field. This is the major league. You come here,

both your guns got to be together. You got to have bullets in there. Your guns got to be clean. People skills. Your shoes, your shoes got to be shined. Your fucking spurs got to be ready to show up. Somebody's ass. And I see how many people have come and gone since you've been here. I ask every guest, comedy wise, how many stars have come to this town that have come to you and said, I'm a regular at the Life Factory Improv and Comedy Store. I'm going to Montreal. I just signed with Three Arts and Dave Beckie. I'm with Gersh and we're out late today. How many people? What? You're still here. I look at the positives. I mean, this is what I say. I tell these comedians. It's like, you see a couple guys, they're like living in the 80s. They come to the comedy,

they come to the comedy store. Nobody knows them. They hang out. They may, they may have done like a couple shows in North Carolina or in, you know, Houston or whatever. And then they come to LA, they hang out at the comedy store and it's like, I understand like going here and checking it, checking it out, but don't come to the comedy store until you're invited. I think is a good thing so that you're like asked to come there. And then, you know, you got to, you got to do the road. You got to go to Chicago, go to New York. Don't come straight here. I don't think not, not that there isn't the exceptions and things have changed. Are you guys glad you didn't start here or New York? I'm glad that I left. I'm glad that I started in Denver. I'm glad that I came here and that I grew

here as a feature actor become a, you can grow in LA. You can grow in LA and you will listen as soon as you walk into the improv, as soon as you walk into the last factory or the comedy store compared to your hometown, you're going to grow. You're going to grow just because the competition is more fierce. You're going to grow a little bit. It pushes you a little bit. If you do a set at the ha ha or if you do a set at the comedy store, it's two different sets. You feel differently before both sets at the ha ha. Who's going to be in Burbank? Mickey Mouse? I mean, the comedy store original room is a tough room. It's the toughest room in the world. It's the easiest room in the world. When you're flowing, it's a great room, but now those lineups are killer's

rows. Everybody who has to follow everybody's got a fucking problem. It's not like that with holes in the, you know, years ago, there was like a fucking hole here or they throw like a broad at 10, 15. Those days are done. There's not a week at Argus is the weakest thing on the fucking chain. And that's nine to nine 15. Once nine 15 comes, I could be out because no, you're in, you're in that lineup. You know, you got Ian Edwards, you got Tony Hinchcliffe, you got Gerard Carmichael. I've seen Rob Schneider. I've seen David Silverman, Louis CK, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle. These fucking lineups have one way in, brother. Oh, thank God. Both of them don't show up with the hats with the Asian chicks. Listen, bro, it's 830. You said you want to rush. If you want to

stay, you're always family. I want to be around, brother. It's Monday afternoon. What the fuck. Let's do a few more minutes. Few more minutes. Let's do it because, you know, when I say you can grow here in LA, I got warm. I mean, how, but maybe, I mean, I got warm up. You know, I'm different. I'm an, I'm an enamel. I'm in an enamel. Pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Is this Dean Martin? This is Tony Bennett. Is this a duet with Lady Gaga? Solo. He's hip. He's trying to be. Yeah, I was a little absent-minded early on and then I got comfortable and I'm happy with the podcast. It feels good. This is family. We're here. This is it. This is not even a podcast. This is three fuck two Jews in the Cuban

having a conversation about life. But when I say you could grow, I feel like here in LA, the crowds are pretty good. You know, they might be a little cheeseball-y at some places, but for the most part, they're supportive. They're, you know, like they go in New York. Yeah, they are tough. You know, you're going to be cranking out jokes, stand up, tighten New York, but you can also out here, you can grow as like a spirit, as a care. I know it sounds corny, but there is something like the energy here, the wherever it is, the mountains, the sea that allows for like, you know, those kind of freedoms that I take on stage and do these little energy things. There is something to it. Like people talk about networking and yoga. There is something

to that. And then you tie in a little bit of like a baseball sports regimented, you know, spring training, take 500 swings and everything's just over and over. Like Kobe Bryant over and over and over and like John Wood preparation. So you combine the two, you can work on stuff. Like, I'm working on a lot of stuff, but that's the thing that I look at 2015, doing a lot of different things. I need, maybe I can tighten up and be smarter, but you know what? I got a great reputation. I'm happy. It's fun to go out and I don't mind having- You're out seven nights a week. Yeah. Four to five. Four to five. These are the other two nights. Read.

You know what I've been doing? I have been taking it easy. I try to get my naps in. When I do have off time and I haven't much because I've done the road quite a bit at the last year, but I'll go down to my mom and I'll help and it's like, I guess that's off time, but it's not really. So no, it's not. No, it's not. And you know, when I unplug, I really try to unplug and just nap and get super lazy and just let my battery drain and Netflix. You sit in front and listen to for you to grow and to write. Sometimes you have to get entertained. Sometimes those Jew mothers, they're pretty fucking funny. That's true. You know, you're going to kick out. Well, you're getting inspired. Just entertaining, just watching somebody else.

You know, I was telling this Dave guy today, I go, I was having a hard time with jiu-jitsu. You know, I'm 51. I'm a fat fuck. It's not for everybody, but you try. And I wasn't making the growth I was getting, but I go, you don't understand why I go to jiu-jitsu. I don't go to jiu-jitsu for what most people go to. I go to jiu-jitsu because I'm hoping that none of you guys know I'm a standup comic. I'm hoping that all of you just think I'm an old fat fuck. Because that's all I want to be in here. I leave my cell phone in the car. I want to come in here. I want you guys to choke me. I want to sweat like an animal. And I just want to leave. That one hour to me is rest when I don't have to think of anything.

When I see Lee, we goof on each other. Lee, the Mexican, the Cuban, the cat. But after three minutes, we go to business. When I see you, how you feeling? You know, I love you, bro. Everything all right? We talk about business. This time, I don't want to talk about this shit. I want to talk about armbars. I want to talk about how come I can't do this or how come I can't? Well, that's what baseball does for me. That's what playing catch and throwing bullpins and shaggy, you know, that's why I like baseball. Oh, it's boring in this and that. You know, maybe it is. But if you have some skill or you know, you could be a pitcher and get a great workout. Throwing, batting practice is a great workout. But I go to go out to the park, my friends, you know,

coach in the major leagues. You got to go in the dugout at Wrigley. Oh, yeah. That must have been cool. I've had a lot of great opportunities to check out fields. I always wanted to go to Wrigley. But there's just nothing like throwing the ball and pop right to the chest and the glove pop in and boom, it's like for me, that's something I really enjoy. And I wish I could do that more. I just need to be proactive and part of it is like I am on a roll right now and I kind of, but maybe there are excuses. I don't know. Maybe I'm my body. I'm just not into that either. It's okay if I'm not driven to do it, but there is something to getting it going and getting those endorphins. And I feel like that's another thing. Like since I had my quote unquote breakdown,

I've been careful not to take too much caffeine and be edgy, especially like a workout pill. Be getting like road rage at times. You don't go to Starbucks no more. I do. No, I mean, I can do a coffee or two a day, but any type of work, when you would take a workout pill, it helps you work out. You get the caffeine, the Gerana. It's like 20 minutes later, you want to do your kettle bells, get all that in. If you don't take that, you got to really push yourself. So you take energy pills. Not really. I'm just like slowly getting back into Red Bull or like I did a five hour energy shot. It did like, it does clear my head. People have shot me those things, the energy stuff before workouts and they make me too edgy.

I'm getting too bad of a mood. But if I'm working out, I could do, I could pitch angry. I could lift weights angry. I can't do comedy angry. So sometimes, you know, there's residual effect. And I just got, you know, I just don't want to be edgy. I can lose my job screaming at an audience, losing my blues in it. But you know, it's just hard, you know, it's like I stretch, stretching doesn't take energy. I've been able to elongate my muscles. I mean, honestly, it does feel good every day for people going, oh, Brody, you're in good shape. You're a big guy. Jesus. So I do enjoy going out and going to Starbucks. Do you fart all the time? No, I guess he does. Every one, every like four episodes, like I guess, you know,

you got to include in the fucking, you got to include in the podcast. Can you do the mic pick it up? Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck it or not. You have to replace that chair pretty soon. But you don't smell it. Yes, we do. No, you don't don't smell. I haven't smelled it. No, I haven't smelled it. No, no, no. It's an air fart. It's a I've been in the car with you the windows up. It smells. You take fiber, psyllium husk? Oh, I do that every day. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I take the glue, glue cement. I take honey, not Cheerio. You work out a lot, Brody. Does working out make you not shit? Because ever since I've been working out, like, I don't crap that much. I have to take fiber now. I don't think the work, I think taking fiber helps me, keeps me regular. And I feel like

I never have to do that. But I was like, Jesus Christ. The shape of your eye. I'm fucked up, Joe. That's not what the shape of the what he gave me a huge edible. I gave him 35 milligrams of cheap. A lot. No, it's cheap. But choose my though here. Are those popular? Yeah, they're the best. My friend is involved with them. Nice. What does he do for them? I can't talk about it. Sure, you can. We get them. We know the guy from marketing. What's his name? I have no idea. Why no names? What are you doing? The names? Why does he just show us up and show the show a bank? I haven't done edibles for a while. Should I do them? Oh, no. Do some people do edibles every day, like wake up and do a little bit every day? I didn't do

Hanukkah. This fucking good. Do you get paranoid at all? That's part of the fucking whole program. That's part of it. You know, saying that. Yeah, that's the whole thing. He gave it to me on Christmas even as you go to the my in-laws house with their two little kids wandering around talking about video games. Yeah, I've only had one experience. I've done edibles and like only one time I felt like it did something for me. It was a brownie. I don't know what was in it, but it was. I got a cookie at the house that'll do something to you. So what do you I'm afraid to take it? Do I take it on a day off? Do I take it? Take it on a week? Take it when life is around. People like this fucking good. I've been trying to tell him you eat one and you go mingle and you go live your life with

people and get on the fucking exercise bike and shit. He don't do it, but do you ever go out and like smoke pot and then you'll let's say you take a hit or whatever and then you go out go out to run get coffee or whatever. Okay. And you take a hit and then bad things happen. Do you know what I mean? Like what? Just like a car cutting you off or I always feel like sometimes when I'm high it's like a yin yang. It's like, okay, you get to be high, but the drawback is you're going to pull in some negative energy. I feel like sometimes, right? Yeah. No, don't think that way. Well, but that's what happens. I'll smoke pot and I go, uh-oh, some negative. I'm not saying because of the pot, but it's bringing, it pulls in some negativity. Like it pulls in comedy. Oh, I don't

disagree. I don't disagree with that. It looks like negative energy, but you gotta, that's your opportunity to write a joke or write it out and you go, Oh, that was a fucking that was the that was the universe throwing me a tidbit. Yeah. No, but you know, like you have bad law, this guy's cutting me off. Why am I behind this car? Oh, um, they messed up. You're not complaining, but you're like looking for the negative. It's like a negative energy. Look at the shape of this fucking guy. How are you going to go home to Paul? Oh, that's going to be bad. I'm going to stop at Subway and do what? Get sandwiched. I got to run over the hill. Do your thing. Okay. It's just without you. Thank you guys. Positive push. You got any dates coming up? No, I've been single for a

while. No, fuck comedy dates. Oh, oh, oh, you say I deal with it? I will. I'm in town in LA, usually the comedy storm doing the improv tonight as well. You can see me at midnight doing audience warm up during the week and then I'll be in Chicago for the Cubs convention in January. I'm also doing La Jolla in February and got some who knows what's going to pop up, but I got to tell you something over the last couple of years, you've become one of my favorites as a human being. I love you on my heart. Thank you very much for doing this. Lee, thank you very much. Ask me to ask you because he's Jewish and he loves you. So thank you very much. I'll see you at the store. I'll be there this weekend. Thank you. Thank you for coming in. Take a water with you. I

don't want you to be parched. You got it. May God bless you. Let me give some shout outs to some beautiful fucking people. My main man, Bobby Sharon and his girlfriend, the official Chinaman from the fucking church, Chung K. Kennedy. I love this motherfucker. Oscar Nunez. I didn't see him in Miami last time he hid from me, but I'll see you next time, Coxucker. Shane Mills, Ricardo Perez, congratulations on the job. Greg Powers and Lynn, we love you. We fucking love you. One of the church people, you the officials. My man, Jay Bennett, Lady Rannicorn and Biff Swahili. I don't fucking know what your name is, Coxucker. What's up there, Lisa? How you feeling, my little brother of death? All right. I'm good. I'm super happy. One more time. My main man, Brodie Stevens. You're

going to clap or you're going to leave me like the one-on-one fucking soldier here, Coxucker. Making an appearance tonight on the church of what's happened now. It's fucking New Year's week, Coxuckers. Make your resolutions, set your goals for the new year and what you want to do is how you do it. A man without a plan is not a fucking man. It all starts this week right now. You should be looking at that notebook. Go to fucking CVS, buy yourself a one-subject notebook. Go to the back and write your goals out for the year, what you want, how you're going to get there, and that's all we got. You know what I'm saying, Lisa? What's up with you, baby boy? Oh, I feel you, buddy. I'm high as fuck. You ever miss Christmas holiday?

Yes. Yes, I did. Paul got me a PlayStation. She did? Yeah. And did it get zapped the other night, didn't they? I didn't, I don't really play that much online, but yeah, I couldn't get on. You couldn't get on? No. So this PlayStation, what does this mean? That you're going to sit on your ass more? Hell yeah. What does this mean? What games do you have? She got me Grand Theft Auto. I bought the UFC game and her brother got me a couple of modern warfare games, I think. No shit. All right. I've only played the Grand Theft Auto. I play for like a week, and then I kind of, I get bored a little bit, but I don't know, man, I'm fucked up. Good. Good. What are your plans for the week, brother? You know, work out tomorrow.

Yeah, I got to work out. Not much. I don't know when we're doing the other one of these, and then we have Wednesday. I have a podcast Tuesday. I don't know. I just, I'm really interested to see, we were talking about the interview, and I'm cutting cable like in the next two weeks, because the last playoff game was today. And it's just interesting to see all the new stuff we can watch. And like with Iron Dragon TV, it's just, it's, I'm kind of scared to cut cable, but it's kind of cool. I was telling Lee this weekend that we had a fucked up week this week with one of the cats. You know, last Monday, I was, I come home some nights and I like staying up late, and I like staying up late. I take a notebook with me, and I bring some weed in the

living room, and I make some coffee, and I smoke a Hadesig, the cigar, and I make notes, and I basically stay up past midnight because the cats come to life, and I watch them play, and especially Harry and Demi and Superbad. They fucking play rough at night, you know, and Demi, I mean, Harry and Superbad are always a fucking war, but Fidel's my oldest. Fidel's like 11 or 12 when he was my oldest, and the other night, he got up, and he usually, Demi usually tortures him. Fidel could kill Demi on any given day of the week, but he led to Demi fuck with him, and I saw Demi fuck with him, like Demi will smell him, and then look at him, and in the meantime, he's telling him, like, go fuck himself, he smell like shit type shit,

you know, I could see it, and your people at home are like, what the fuck are you saying, Joey? You know what I'm saying, the two cats staring at each other, and then the other day, Fidel jumped on Demi and fucked him up, right? Yeah. And then he went after Harry, but Demi, Harry, Fidel's not a bad soul. Fidel's not hitting you to beat you up. Fidel's just hitting you to stick up for himself. Fidel freaked me out, like one of the first times I got high at your house. Really? He wanted to take a shower, and he chased me around the coffee table, because he just looks at you and meows at you, it's freaking. He's really pretty, he's really pretty, and he's really got a good heart, so that happened Monday night, but I said to him Monday night, Fidel, stop it,

and he came over and jumped and started with his meow, because he loves to fucking meow you, so I hugged him there, and I was watching TV, and I was looking at his eyes, they're almondy, and then Wednesday morning, which was Christmas Eve morning or Christmas Day morning? Yeah. Christmas Eve. No, because we did a podcast Tuesday on Christmas Eve. Okay, well whatever the fuck it was, uh, fuck oh, I'm telling you, New Year's Eve is Wednesday, it was Christmas, Christmas Eve Wednesday morning, so I got up, and I opened the door,

and Fidel was by the gate meowing, and I go fucking Fidel, because it was like five during the morning, he's meowing loud by the babies, so I ran at him, and I had those soft slippers, and I threw the slipper, but not at him, I threw at the gate to make him run, and then later on, I went in there, and I went to put food in the bowl, but there was food in the bowl. I go, that's weird, he was meowing, and there was food in the bowl. You know, he usually meows because there's no fucking food in the bowl, so I went back out there, and I didn't think nothing of it. And Friday, I'm supposed to meet a friend of mine, and my wife comes in, and she goes,

listen man, Fidel's not looking good, have you looked at him? And I go, no, not really, and she goes, well look at him, come on out and look at him, he's just a bag of fucking bones. And I'm sitting there going, oh my god, what do you want to do? She goes, let me call the vet and see if they'll take him, it's Friday after Christmas, I don't think the vet's open, so she fucking called, and they took him, and they went in, he says his numbers were low, but I did something, we gave him shrimp and crab, and he wouldn't eat it, he just wouldn't eat it.

That's the first mother, let me tell you something, if you open up the thing, when you open up the refrigerator, Fidel will come up to your meowing, no matter what you have, you don't even think of getting something out of the refrigerator, and he's already meowing at you, so I'm pulling the fucking salami and the cheese out, whatever, he's not meowing, so I know something's up. Then my wife goes, let me test this mother fucking, she makes crab and shrimp, and he's not fucking reacting, so on the Friday, finally Friday at Pierre with our resistance, was I opened the door, he's usually the first cat outside when I open the door,

he wouldn't even come to the fucking door, he popped his head up and thought about it, so my wife took him to the vet and the numbers were low, so when I keep him over Saturday night for observation, but I said no, bring him home, we'll keep him over here, and see if he does a little better, Saturday morning he wasn't better, so we took him to the hospital, and his numbers were real low and his kidneys shut down. So they said he's 50-50, he ate a little bit tonight, but this morning it really hit me, because I was upset yesterday morning, I had to go do a podcast for Mick, and when I got back I was very upset, because I had felt that I didn't say goodbye to him,

and for my wife to leave him there, I was a little mad at my wife, but I didn't say nothing, I just played it off, but yesterday I think I digested it, like I said to myself, you know what, he's 11-12, he's been here long enough, I get it, if he doesn't come back I'll go say my goodbyes, and I tell him I love him and stuff, but this morning I got up and it was my wife's birthday, and we were fucking around in the morning with the baby giggling and shit, and then she disappeared for a while, and I went to the bedroom, and as I came out she had a face away from me, and when I went up to her she was bawling, and I go what's up, and she goes I don't think, it's her birthday, you know,

and she goes I don't think Fidel's gonna come back, and it was just a bad morning, you know, I went and got her a Carvel cake and some other shit for her birthday, I went to the it's fucked up when a pet dies, you know, now when I came here they went to the vet, my baby and her went to the vet to say goodnight to him whatever, and then we're gonna, but his numbers were getting better, oh good, how long did cats live? 20, 22, but this happens to 70% of cats or something, it happens, it happens when a cat is nine years old, like I don't know what the numbers my wife was telling me, listen man we've always felt fed Fidel well, we've always taken good care of him, he's a big cat, a lot of love,

he's a big cat, but he's a, I have fat cats, he's a healthy cat, he's a big cat, you know, so who knows what happens, I feel bad for my wife, I mean like I said I'm gonna miss the fucking cat through one way or the other, you know even if he comes back and he's only gonna last, you know, who knows, so I mean all those cats are gonna go eventually the same way you and I are gonna fucking go, so it's just really sad, it has to go this time of the year, what, you know, worst things gonna happen, whatever, so I'm not uh, no but it's sad, I mean it fucked me up with my dog daughter and still it fucks my mom up and it's just, we get so attached to them, I don't talk about in the podcast as much as I should, we should bring in like a cat specialist in time to

time, you're a cat specialist, because we do know a lot about people that have animals, you know, we know a lot of people who have animals, I'm sorry, but and we need to bring in like a psychiatrist to talk about or somebody who specializes in people who lose a pet and really get affected by it, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you, I'm one of these guys, I'm not gonna be able to do stand-up, I'm gonna get depressed, but I like my cats, I really fucking do man, I enjoy them the same way if I had a dog or a bat or a bird or a pigeon, what the fuck, you know, any animal you can keep at the house, I'm sure I would love them, at this point in my life it's these fucking cats, you know, so it's just, how old are your cats, your cats aren't young, right, you have a lot

of older cats, they're from seven to thirteen or something, seven to twelve, you know, Sissy's older than Fidel, that's the only one, under that they're all nine, nine to seven, you know, so yeah, there's gonna come a time when, but I've done the best with them, you know, the longevity on the street is three years, not even, so, you didn't go to a shelter, you rescued them from the yard, I took them right from the yard up to my house's kittens, you know, so I know everything about them, like those three, the feel is three, super bad, Lulu and Evie, I know them since day one, I know them when they were fucking balls, I used to bring food to them, they couldn't see me, I'd see the mother feeding them and I'd leave food for the mother, that's how long I know those

three motherfuckers, and Harry and Demi, I know those two motherfuckers since day one, and the girl I had, the chubby girl, the real pretty one, I know her since she was a kitten in the bush, I remember pulling the bush one day and seeing her, she was so scared and I pet her and I would pet her and pet her and every time she let me pet her, that whole group that she belonged to, she was the only one that would let me pet her because she knew me and then my wife brought her up sick so she became my cat, that's the truth man, I know those cats since fucking day one, you know, I went away to shoot a movie and she got Fidel, wasn't the long assuring, it was something before that, like you got nothing or some movie that I had to go away for

or commercial, I did something that I had to go away for, I remember her calling me and telling me, you know that pretty cat, I got him upstairs, I want to name him Fidel, what do you think, he's a big boy and shit so, I just feel bad for my wife, let me give some shout-outs to the sponsor, we'll get the fuck out of here, as usual, honnet.com, the best, the fucking best, if you want the best out of yourself, you got to hang with the fucking best and that's where honor comes in, it all starts with the alpha brain product, don't make me go into this again please, alpha brain is the catalyst of this whole thing, 100% money back guarantee, they just did a new study of research on it, new placebos, the numbers were staggering, go on honnet.com and read about it yourself,

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they got big motherfucking things happening, Dave Foley is a bad motherfucker with nanotech, this guy is relentless, do you understand what they sponsor anime fighters, they do it all, they got a little piece, but this iron dragon tv is what it's about, you like classic martial arts, listen, you don't want to watch UFC, watch where the fuck it started, it started with these fucking little asian movies and somebody one day said put a cage around them and let them jump up and down, but it all starts with iron dragon tv, go to iron dragon tv right now and press in, Joey and get two free films, this is a roku channel, it's gonna change your fucking life and this is only a beginning with these guys, these guys are getting into different ventures, you want to be on the

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go to that page right now, just go to naileditlife.com, look at what they have, I can sit here and bore you to fucking pieces on what they got, but they just added some great stuff to the page, they just added like a mini syringe so you could put the fucking wax in there nice and slowly, they added the vapor pen cleaner, they've got some great fucking stuff in there naileditlife, plus they give you 20% off on the main vapor pen that they have, something happens with it, you have to throw it away, I had a thousand vapor pens sent to me, they break in two weeks, you put a chunk of debt in that motherfucker, it's short circuits, not my naileditlife, it's still live and kicking, you don't have to hear from me, go to naileditlife.com and press in

Joey Diaz and get 20% off your vapor pen, so if it's 50 you get it for 40 and if something happens or coils something, call direct, Dave will answer the phone and tell you exactly what to do, go to naileditlife.com and press in Joey Diaz, boom, I left the best for fucking last as far as your health concerned, e-hit cigarettes, we're hitting, hit e-sigs, I'm sorry I'm a little hot, hit e-sigs.com, we're heading the 31st is Wednesday, all your resolutions come to life, you know what, they should start tomorrow, whatever you're going to give up Wednesday, you can start tomorrow just to play around, by Wednesday you'll have two days done, three days done, who's fucking better than you, in fact I got to go home and write some resolutions

myself, you know what I'm saying, I've already wrote out my goals of what I want for next year, but one thing you want to do is get healthy, stop smoking cigarettes, you know they fuck you up, do bomb hits with fucking snow and ice cubes in it, whatever you need, you need to get off cigarettes, go to hitesigs.com right now, they got a way for you to get off the fucking cigarette, with the e-cigarette or the cigar, these things go up to 24 milligrams of tobacco all the way down to zero, nicotine, from 824 to 18 to 8, so my pants is 16 to 8 to zero, so within two months you can be off the fucking cigarettes or maybe even quicker, you get off with this right now, the hitesigs, they also have different flavors for you, one of my favorites is the hitesigs cigar,

1200 hits, fucking guarantee, 1200 pups, none of these other hitesigs do this for you, 1200 pups, go to hitesigs.com and press in, Joey's Church, oh shit, and what do they get, they get 20% off, 20% off, that means they go down to $16, these other ones are 10 bucks, they last you one day, this hitesigs cigar, I've been smoking it for a fucking a week and a half, all right, $16, it's the holidays, these are great fucking holiday stuff, is whatever the fuck you want to do, go to hitesigs.com right now and press in, Joey's Church, and there you go, 20% off, so don't forget, go see y'all at .com, go see my boys, irondragontv.com, nailthelife.com, and hitesigs.com and they'll make it down for you, all right, I got some new shirts coming,

don't forget Lee has his shirts up and running, thank you, I'm gonna be at the Ice House for New Years, it's a combination stand-up show, I'm gonna do like 30, 35, whatever the fuck minutes, and then Lee and I are gonna do a podcast a year and a fucking review, I'm gonna make Lee start writing this motherfucker tonight while he's high on that fucking 35 milligram chimichu, also Buffalo, New York, Buffy, get your motherfucking wick sandwiches ready, Uncle Joey's coming up, B-Fond wick, January 22nd, Columbus, Ohio, I'll be there fucking at the funny bone, Super Bowl fucking weekend, how you like me now, Lee? I love it. That's why I love you too, Lee, everything all right? I'm fucked up. How was your year, man? In retrospect, you had a great year,

you didn't fucking work, you didn't go to Santa Monica one fucking time, you lost 80 pounds, you slung some good dick with this little Mexican chick, you're in with the mom, you brought your mother ma here, shit's happening, yeah, and proud of you, you're a fucking savage. Thank you. That's how we do it, because you're a church member, and you're attaining to the fucking rules of the church, except this macaroon class. That was good, how was your year? My year was good, the baby's healthy. Is that all you think about now, like in terms of her? Yes, you can, you know, how can I give a fuck about some jet going down? I mean, I sympathize, that could be my daughter on there, you know what I'm saying? I have a baby at the

house, everything got cut in half, I see everything for what the fuck it is now, I don't know why, you know, I saw for what it was before, but now I see a little more. Now you should have less time to care about it. Yeah, now I'm more, this is what I want to do, I really want to put this book together, I really want to shoot a fucking little Puerto Rican special next year for the people, whether I just put it out online, or through a network, I want to lose 100 pounds, I want my blood pressure to go down, I want my relationship to get better at home, I want my relationship to get stronger with my daughter, I wish to find the strength to forgive my ex-wife, so I could call my other daughter and apologize for my behavior, because I'm still very angry,

I thought about that. But besides that, everything else has been in order for me, I want to become a better stand-up comic, and I want to become a better person, I want to work on my character a little bit, sometimes my anger level, sometimes I bust your balls too much, but besides that, I'm alright, I'm not guilty about the edibles, because if I didn't give you fucking edibles, and make you walk on the wall side, you would not even consider doing it. That's true. You'd go to the skinny kitchen, go on the fucking thing, and go home, and watch ESPN, and watch ESPN, and that's it, and I can't have this, you're 26 years old, I wish I was 26 again, I wish I could switch with you, you should live like you're 51, and I should live like a 26 year old, I'll teach

you how to live like a 26 year old, mugging motherfuckers, jumping out of planes and shit, doing drugs, staying in shape, whatever, I love you guys, I don't know when I'll see you again, maybe Tuesday, maybe tomorrow night, we have no fucking idea, but we'll definitely see at the Ice House, Wednesday night, 8 p.m. sharp, because it's a 10 o'clock show, so I'm gonna get you out of there by 10 fucking 15, so you go home and eat your wife's asshole, and eat some hummus, whatever the fuck you do, alright, stay black, have a great Monday, I love you, thank you for Brody Stevens for coming on, one more time, my main man, Lisa, yet. And then for your dates and all your stuff, it's joeideas.net, that's right, and mine's lisaite.com, that's right, go to anna.com and use

go word church to get 10% off of all the great supplements, go to iron dragon tv and use go word joey to get two free rentals on their new roku channel with all the great martial arts movies, go to naileditlife.com and use go word joeideas to get 20% off of the premiere vapor pan for oil and wax smokers, and lastly go to hitesigs.com and use go word joey's church to get 20% off of great vapor pens, better tasting, longer lasting, that proof is in the vapor e-cigarettes and e-cigars. Oh shit, what do you want to close with? Biggie. Which one? I love it when you call me a big popper. I like it.

Got the creep with sleep with keep the effort secret why not wipe low up my spot because we both got hot now check it i got more mac than kraken in the bed believe me sweetie i got enough to feed the need no need to be greedy i got mad friends with benzi see no bother layers true fucking players jump in the rover and come over tell your friends jump in the gm3 i got the chronic i love it when you call me a big popper throw your hands in the air and use a true player to the honeys get that money playing niggas like honeys you gotta come up in your ways please don't shoot up the place because i'll see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby uh baby uh straight up honey really i'm asking most of these niggas

think they be macgin but they be acting who they are tracking with that line what's your name what's your sign as soon as he buy that wine i just creep up from behind and ask you what your interests are who you be with things to make you smile what numbers to dial you're gonna be here for a while i'm gonna call my crew you go call your crew we can run they fool at the bar around two plans to leave though the keys the little seeds pull the truck up front and roll up the next block so we can steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly a t-bone steak cheese eggs and waltz just great cover safe for a few because in our few we're gonna do what we came to do ain't that right boo forget to tell me we just go to the crib and watch a movie in the jacuzzi

smoke elves while you're doing it i love it when you call me big popper throw your hands in the air if you's a true player i love it when you call me big popper to the honeys get that money playing niggas like dummies uh you gotta come up in your ways please don't shoot up to place why cuz i see some ladies tonight they should be having my baby baby how you living biggie smalls imagining benzes giving ends to my friends and it feels too painless tremendous cream fuck a dollar and a dream still token strapped with infrared beams chopping oil smoking line ophthalmos money holes and clothes all the niggas know a foolish pleasure whatever i had to find the very treasure so grams i had to measure however living better now coochie sweater now drop

top the m's i'm the mad girl friend honey check it check tell your friends to get with my friend we could be friends we could do this every weekend that's right is that i with you yeah keep playing throw your hands in the air if you's a true player i love it when you call me big popper to the honeys get that money playing niggas like dummies uh i love it when you call me big popper you gotta come up in your ways please don't shoot up to place because i see some ladies tonight they should be having my baby baby check it out