#244 - Joey Diaz, Lee Syatt, and Listener Call's
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01:28They're gonna have it on your Android tabletin the new year.And for all of you tech people,if you're going to CES, Consumer Electronics Showin Las Vegas, Nevada, you have to go check outthe Nanotech booth.It's booth 15423.That's booth 15423.
01:47When you go to that booth, the Nanotech is a parent companyon Iron Dragon TV.They're hosting a meet and greetwith a top UFC middleweightand decorated special forces veteran, Tim Kennedy.That's right.Tim Kennedy is gonna be at their boothat the CES Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.
02:05Go to the Nanotech booth at 15423on Wednesday, January 7th at 2 p.m.Is that it?I think that's it.Let's do this shit, cock suckers.It's Wednesday, Tuesday night.The last podcast of the year legally on paper.Here you go, motherfuckers.
02:24We're gonna do a special call in.Oh, shit.You better break out that bomb.You better pull that fucking skin backand clean the helmet.You better live for your asshole, uh!The church show was set up in Las Vegas, Nevada.What's happening now on a Tuesday?
02:51It's a new year, 2015.Wash your pussy, clean your toes.You're gonna be a bad motherfucker next.What?Lisa Yacht in the motherfucking house.What's up, baby?I'm already fucked up.That's right.
03:05You're supposed to be fucked up.The rule is, if you ain't high by two o'clock,go fuck yourself.You don't even get high until eight o'clock at night.I don't say nothing to you because you're familyand I like you, you know what I'm saying?You say a lot.You say all day.
03:17He doesn't stop with what you're saying.I don't say nothing to you.I don't believe, I don't know.I turn my cheek because I love you.You never turn your cheek.You should be getting up in the morningdoing two, three bomb hits and starting your day.You're a fucking techie guy.
03:33You're a smart guy.You could be thinking of planshow to take over fucking Israel.That's not what I think of when I'm high.What the fuck do you think about?How Cheetos are delicious.Oh, disgusting.How donuts are great.
03:45Paula on Sunday night, Paula saved me.Like this is how I know she's cool.I got home, I was fucked up.You ate the Subway sandwich?I had a Subway sandwich.How bad was it?I was good.I ate a Subway because I made a trick and club.
04:00What you hate?Because you used that Subway bacon.Have you looked at that fucking Subway bacon?I mean, we're family.It's not the best bacon.It's not the best bacon.It's not the best bacon.It's not even fucking bacon.
04:12It's somebody's French poodle.Look at it, it's fucking, the meat looks likeit's already been to look like bacon.That scares me.They take it and it's got a coating on it.They throw in the microwave and they heat it up for you.That can't be good for you.No, it's not great, but I mean, I was at Subway.
04:30But anyways, I got home, we ate thatand she just looked at me and she wasn't even fucked up.That was the bacon Turkey's bacon too?No.It's real bacon.They don't make turkey bacon in Subway,or at least I don't know.You say everything at Subway's bacon at Turkey.
04:40All this coke cuts at Turkey based.I don't know about that.That's what, but.I believe you, but I.When you go to fucking Subway,do you see a sign for Thulmans or quality coke cuts?They don't even mention it,because they're all turkey products.
04:53All the meat, the pastrami's really turkey.The ham is really turkey.That's fucked up then.You didn't know?That's what I'm saying.That's why it's so low in caloric intake.Well, I think when you go there, it's 500,and you go get an Italian at fucking Jersey Mike's,
05:07it's 14,000 fucking calories.That's true.Because salami, capricole, that whole fucking patois,even the provolone cheese is made out of fucking turkeyat Subway.Well, you know what's not made out of turkey?What?Yum Yum Donuts.
05:22That's where she said, she just looked at me like 11 p.m.and she was like, do you want some donuts?Yum Yum Donuts is just fucking my diet upwhen I moved to the valley.When I moved to the valley, I was 273 pounds.No way.Had you already done weight watchers?Yeah.
05:34Oh, okay.And I would walk around and one day,boom, I bumped into Yum Yum Donuts.And I went in there and they had a coconut fucking donutover chocolate and they tasted it and I was done.Me and Terry were going in there every fucking nightand two or three of them.Then we started bringing them to Felicia's.
05:49We were eating that fucking podcastand we were throwing down a dozen.Oh, that's not hard to do.Because what the problem was when you walk into Yum Yum,if you get six of them, you might as well get a dozenbecause for another dollar, they give you six fucking donuts.For another dollar and then I've never been in thereand had them not give me a free one.
06:05They gave us a free one that night.Let me tell you something.They don't speak English,but they're the nicest fucking people in Los Angeles.If you're ever in the valley,I think they have, well, I had the Yum Yum Donuts in Gayville.You know where the transvestites hang out?Santa Monica and Vine?
06:20Right there, they hang out in front of the Yum Yum donut.I had one in there one day, not there.There's one on Lancashire.Across from Subway, it was disgusting.The one across from the Subway, it's disgusting.They piss outside and shit.Oh yeah, that's homeless people.But the one over there is pretty cool.
06:36I thought of doing an open mic at that one.You should.A fucking open mic on Tuesdays.15 people you sold out.Like, if you got 18 people to fire Marshall,he'll come and say, hey, we got a friend.Everyone gets a donut?Everybody gets a donut.
06:48That's what it's all, listen.In Boston, they started that comedyat the Chinese restaurant.I love all that stuff.I love that different aspect of comedy that you could do.Yeah, you could be at a comedy club,or you could be at a jazz bar, or you could be,that's what I do like about fucking stand-up comedy,
07:04that you could do it fucking anyway, you know, a trans.It is pretty cool.I've been going down to the store with youlike once or twice a week, usually.And I was telling you last nighthow my favorite part of you going up nowis the little add-ins that will never be in the show again.And it makes you laugh.
07:23Like, if you guys ever go to one of Joey's showsand you see him laughing and not being ableto continue with the joke,that's the stuff that gets me,because the rest of the audienceis busy laughing at the punchline,and you'll slide something small in.Yesterday, you did like 20 seconds
07:40on where the rain dance go, whatever it is.You went out to the rain dance.20 years ago, there was no droughts,because you called four Indians, they showed up,everybody started hooping in Holland.20 minutes later, you had fucking hail,snowstorms and shit.But the fucking Indian got pissed off.
07:55He don't want to do rain dance no more, you know?That you said last night, you said,why'd you go put smallpox in their blankets?They did, they had to put smallpox in Indians' blankets.That's the truth.The fucking white man did that.I said something about the black people in the bowl,I want to sit next to the black guy with.
08:11Yeah, you said, do you think a guy with a bowlever walks in and just says,fuck it, I'm going to cough on somebodyand just like doesn't go to quarantine?Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.So that's it guys, it's 2014,you really got to think about,what'd you fucking do this year?
08:28Like that's all I've been thinking aboutthe last two weeks, that like,what did I really do this year?Yeah, I cracked some jokes with you guys,I put out a CD that was mediocre,I thought it wasn't as good as the one two years ago.You do a few movies, you lose some weight,you gain some weight, you got some goals
08:46that you were going for, maybe.I was thinking about it today,how I haven't been going to jiu-jitsu lately.The last three weeks, I got the verdict,oh yeah, I've been doing, I go down there,I go down to the academy.Oh yeah, I know that.But I do like the classes, I do like the drills
08:59and the fucking, the tune up class they have,that fucking kills, you know,they do all that shit with balls and stuffand fucking flying through the air.So, and there's been really no jiu-jitsu,there's been nobody in the morning class,everybody's out of town,there's always been one guy in Hegan.
09:16So I just said, you know what,I don't have a babysitter, the last,I let my subscription run out of VMAG,because I never went anymore.John Evan left in the daytime,they went to Nogi in the daytime now.The night classes, I'm with you on Monday and Wednesday,I can't make the night classes.
09:34And then 90% of the time, I'm out of fucking townon a Thursday, Friday, Saturday,so I'm just not so, I don't know what I'm gonna dotill after the new year.But I've been working out, you know,I've been working out, I've been sticking to my diet.To that kettlebell, I've been cutting back,I've been doing less, I've been experimenting a lot,
09:52just because of the pain in my knee.What did you do, because I just,I was looking at pictures, I was trying to do something,and you got like, what do you think,like 30 pounds skinnier than you are now?Yeah.Whenever I've lost weight and then put it back on,I always put it all back on plus 15 pounds.
10:10How did you stop putting weight back on?Like, because usually people don't do that,usually you have to lose it again.I was 4'18 and the menu that I was eating was absurd.Right.You know, I'm not drinking soda no more.I drink green tea of this every wild day,every sixth day I'll drink a Coke Zero.
10:31You know, last night I drank a Mountain Dew, it died,it was fuckin' delicious,and I went down to the coffee store,because my wife had something done to her teethso she couldn't get, she couldn't drink coffee.So she could only drink Mountain Dewand then we'll only need to restore.So that's why I went in together to Mountain Dew.
10:46And I said, let's diet Mountain Dew with the Zero caloriesand I got one, because I don't drinkfuckin' Mountain Dew ever.Right.You know, it's been a lot I cut back on, I cut.I didn't gain the weight because I didn't goto eating how I was eating.That's why I didn't gain the weight back.
11:01There's no way I could go back.Did you make a content decision?Do you like, did you notice yourself getting weightand be like, I can't go all the way back?I went all the way up when I was in a testosterone.I went all the way up to 330.Oh, okay.And that was horrible.
11:11I could feel it, I could feel it around me.But it wasn't, I was hungry and the edibleswere making me eat at night and I wasn't counting my pointsand that my fitness plan keeps me in a neighborhood.Right.In the back of your head it makes you liablefor everything, so that's helped.Have I lost 55 pounds?
11:30No.But I know the workouts that I'm doing,I'm cutting some fat, I know that my pants,I could pull the thing.I haven't weighed myself because I don't trustthe scale at the house.So when I go to the YMCA tomorrow or Friday,I'll weigh myself, you know?
11:43But no, I like what I'm doing now.Because of the knee, like last week I rode the bikefor 45 minutes and I did a kettlebell workout.I couldn't walk for three days.I defeated the purpose.It was the law of diminishing returns.So this week I just did the bike for 45 minutesand then today I just did the kettlebell workout.
12:00And that's it, I did some stretching,I did some sit-ups, some fucking parachute,and so on and all that shit and that was it.So I'm experimenting, you know?I'm not the only two no more, so different shit works, so.But that's what you look at these last two weeks.You sit there and you think about what the fuckdid I do this year?
12:16Did I go back to school?How are my grades?How's my future looking?You know?Did you think about any of this shit lately?Yeah, I thought about it because you asked melast podcast, like something about what happened this year.And it's been a crazy year for me.
12:29And it's been just personally, like just thinking about,I'd like, if I didn't write a Facebook messageon your wall four years ago this year,I probably would have been in Boston,but even if I still somehow was still out here,I'd be stuck in a small little cubicle officefor 10 hours a day, driving an hour back and forthto Santa Monica.
12:52And I got to go to Austin, I went to Tempe,I got to see some really cool,I got to go to Ari's TV taping twice.I got to be in all these really cool conversations.I got to meet Token Lair,who's like one of the coolest dudes ever.I went to my first UFC, which was, I was fucked up,it was a lot of fun.
13:14It's been a fun year.It's November was a year for menot having a full-time day job.And that was crazy.Fuck, it's gonna wind up.It's really the weather's gonna be bad in Los Angeles.No, it's been crazy.You judge and you started your diet,
13:29you started your work and that's gonna save your life.You know, it's gonna save your knees, your feet.You cut a couple of years on diabetes, God forbid.Oh, I was talking about that with Paula and her mom.If I got diabetes, I think I might diebecause I don't think I could do the needles.Do you think you could?You don't have to do needles
13:46because you get diabetes and there's diabetes type twodiabetes is the most popular one.Yeah, but isn't all of it, you have to put insulin in it?That's controlled by a pill,depending on where you're at and dieting and exercising.Well, I still don't want it,but I just drink and water.I've seen people have to do like the prick their fingers
14:01and have to do the insulin into like the liveror something down there.Fuck, I don't think I could do that.That's why I have to exercise all the timebecause I'm avoiding that.You lift the weights, you cut back on the osteoporosis,you know, I'm leaving on the other side now.What's, I've been listening to some of the old podcasts
14:19that we've done, some in January,some in the old office, which were a disaster.And I noticed that there's a, you know, you're 26 years old.I'm 51 years old, you know, it could be double your age,you know, and it's a, I'm happy that you're hereand I'm happy that there's guys that listen to your agebecause I don't sit here and talk about my successes.I talk about a lot of mistakes that I made, you know,
14:45and you guys learn from my mistakes or you don't,you know, we, we laugh, you know,we kidnap Vellum, we called him and I apologized,we laughed, but it's not funny.And I don't want it to be funny for you guys,you know, I don't want you guys to giggle.I'm thinking of kidnapping the neighbor.Well, you can't kidnap the fucking neighbor
15:02because it's not funny.But, yeah, I want people to learn from these mistakesand it's been done.And when you on the show, it makes me young.Like I listen to you and I talk to youand I hear about Netflix and all this shit you talk aboutfucking Rokey, Rokey, whatever the fuck it is.Rokey.
15:24But it's, I can't, I don't know.I'm very happy that I do this podcastbecause I know that a lot of people listen to itand they take tidbits and they apply itbecause they know I fucked up and this is what you do.It is really cool.You live and learn.It's really cool when people will come up to you
15:43or me when I'm at a show or even on emailand just say like, because of this, I did that.And if that's true for even one person, that's pretty cool.Like that helped, that I didn't even want to be a part of.That's pretty cool.I fell asleep at three in the morning last nightthinking about our conversation.That was a crazy conversation last night.
16:05I was getting scared.Like I would have to go outside and smoke every 35 minutesbecause I was getting, I was high from the ediblebut I was thinking about the story I was telling.At the age of 28, which a lot of you guysthat listen to this are, or 29, I didn't have a future.There was no way, Lee.Like there was no way.
16:24Like I was just living day to day.I didn't know what was gonna happen and Lee, I didn't carebecause I couldn't control it.Are you with me?Like I just couldn't control my days no more.You know, I was talking to Lee last night.I don't know how he got on itabout me being in the halfway house.
16:41And then when they took me from the prisonto the halfway house, like it took two hoursto snap into the old me.Like there was no, like I already had a fucking agendawhen I got out.I had two agendas.I had the agenda I told the Gentilesand people who cared about me.
16:57And it was the agenda that had in my fucking heart.But I was gonna go right back and buy some fucking blowand sell some blow to get on my feet.You know, I didn't know any other way.You know, I was telling Lee that.In a halfway house, you were selling blow.In a half.Outside of it to regular people,
17:14not even just halfway house people.I had a scale in the ceilingand I'd bring the coke inand I'd hide it in the hallway behind like the fireextinguishers, wonder the radiators.You didn't think anyone was gonna steal it?No, nobody.They didn't have cameras in all ways.
17:29I didn't mean to find it.I meant like another addict find it.No, no, they would think it's in my possession.I never had it in my fucking possessionjust in case somebody ratted me out.Okay.So if you came to me and said,I need a gram right now, I wouldn't sell it to you.
17:46I'd say, I gotta make a call and go get itand have the guy deliver it.Meanwhile, you were standing three feet from mein a hallway while we were talking.And I'd say, go to your room.I'll knock on your door.Give me the money.You give me the money.
18:02And then I'd take that moneyand give it to my roommate or something.Or I'd go down to my carand put it in the car or somethingand make sure it didn't have any marks on it.Just in case they marked it with blue ink or something.You got people who try to do that to you?No, but why not be fucking careful?
18:18You have to be careful.Because that's to buy money.And then I would get the coke and hide it somewhereand tell them to go get it.That's how crazy I was.It's on top of that window.Did you have to use different spots?So like your all your customers wouldn't just see you?
18:35Yeah, I use different spots with different people.There wouldn't be people in the hallwaywhen I was cutting my deals in the halfway house.But let's say I got to the halfway house Tuesday at one,then they release you.You have orientation for three or four daysand they release you a couple of hours every day.It took like two days just for me to get the scale in
18:55and the fucking coke in.And I was already snorting.I was loan sharking money to fucking people.Getting your dick sucked in the hallway?In the fucking hallway.They would have sent you to prisonfor what you sold me last night?Yes, yes.
19:07And you were just like, fuck it.The girl's name was Patrice Twining.She was in Detroit, Michigan, crazy as fuck she was.She was in there and there was a white girl.I forgot what her name was.And she was in there for counterfeit moneyand writing checks like large sums of check.If I told you that this girl did that,
19:27you'd look at me and say, Joey, you're out of your mind.She was like a fucking genius.She was like a white genius, this girl,that didn't have glasses.She had a beautiful face and a beautiful bodyand she was professional as shit.She just knew how to scam the fucking system.She had been doing it for years.
19:44She showed me a rap sheet.She told me how much money she made where she lived.This chick was a fucking savage.She talked to me about counterfeit money.I was sitting there like, unreal.It was like talking to a man, only she was a woman.Who taught, did she teach herselfor did her like her father do it or?
20:00I never got that deep of her.She just something she picked upfrom a boyfriend or something and just loved doing it.And she knew what it by paper and who the printers were.And you fucked her too.No, we fooled around and shit.Listen, man, that's what you do in there.You're confused, you're stupid.
20:18I had just been, listen, I would have never,if I know what I know now,I wouldn't even have spoken to the women in there.Why?Because what was the use?What was the use?You know, they're gonna end up in troublesomewhere or another.
20:32One girl up between twining was dating a guyI did time with, like he was in the system.She was in love with him.They met in the halfway house,they were in love with each other writing letters.You know.But you suck your dick in the hallway.She suck everybody's dick, Lee.
20:45Would you stop with that already?No, you didn't describe it well.What?I'm not crime stopping, I'm like impressed.What?It's like, okay, go down like a college dorm room.Like that hallway, that's what I imagine.I don't know if that's right or not.
20:59This place was called BCTC.Let's say I had 60 guys that had maybe 10 women.And at that time, like five of the 10 womenwere pretty fucking hot.And they had a couple of security guards in the front.Like two or three guys.And on every floor, there was an office with a counselor.But they weren't watching it.
21:16There was no cameras, there was nothing.A lot of people were doing fucked up shit in there.I just didn't know what their world was.And I kept my world out of there.But my point with you last night was thatI didn't give a fuck.Like I sit here now and think like how I didn't give a fuck.I had no disregard.
21:34I went right in there and went right into all my old tricks.For example, you have to, when you leave,you have to sign out to where you're going.So let's say tonight, I was in the halfway house,I'm going to the comic store, I got up on 8433,son said Boulevard.The phone number, 62665, whatever the fuck it is.So people could call me there.
21:54They called and said, is Joe Diaz there?Yeah, let him talk to him.How you doing?Oh, you there?I was just doing a check, right?As soon as I went in there,I told him there was a car detailer.And so they gave me a pager.
22:07So they would call the pager instead of calling meat a location.So I could tell him I was at least I had it out.So meanwhile, I wasn't fucking in San Diego.But that's how corrupt I was in there.Like the movie Goodfellas came out when I was in there.I still remember leaving, going to smoke a little potbecause I would smoke a little pot every week.
22:27I'd stay under the level.I had a little garage.I rented for 35 bucks and I'd go in there and jump ropeand hit the bag at night and lift weights.So I sweated it all out.So I would go to the garage and in the garage,there was a fucking joint that was skinny.I would go in the garage, light it and just go
22:44and turn it up.And just at that time, I made myself get highin that little bit of pot.And I would go to movies, I eat Chinese foodand I went to see Goodfellas therewhen I was in the halfway house.Three hours in the movie theater.They thought it was somewhere detailing cars.
22:58I mean, I scammed them at every level.Look at my face.I'm not sitting here proud of this.I'm sitting here going, I'm ashamed of this.You know, I got caught with a UA,a hot, your analysis for cocaine.And then I got homeless and I was talking to youabout all this cocaine shit and that thing about topia
23:17was on an HBO documentary about this boxerwho just couldn't stop doing coke and getting strokesor OD'ing or something.He died twice and they brought him back to life.Like I was so fucking depressedafter I told you about that and...But the point of the story last nightwasn't about your drug use.
23:37Your point of the story was making money for your daughter.Well, it really wasn't about making money for my daughter.It was no daughter.It was making money for a chick that was pregnantand we were getting married.But that was in April.This is, I got out in February.I got out like February 4th.
23:55I went right to work.On February 6th, I was already wheeling and fucking dealing.Already wheeling and fucking dealing.So, you know, you do orientation.I think you could stay up till nine.Once you get to level two, you could stay up till 1030.Level three is like 11 and level four is midnightand you have the weekends at your family's house.
24:17I got myself all the way to level fourand I was dealing blowing that round.You know how fucking embarrassing it is?I had furloughs.I had to go up to my in-laws' house.The girl I was dating, I had to stay with them.You have to stay with somebody who doesn't have a warrant.And I would stay with them.
24:32Friday, Saturday, call.They'd go up there and check me out.As soon as you walked in from the furlough,they'd feed you so you couldn't fuck aroundon your furloughs at all.But I was already level four when I scanned them.I was telling Leah's story about how I went to work.I knocked up some woman and I fucking had a marry her
24:51and I didn't know anything about anything.Mitsubishi, not to go long.Eclipse.Eclipse was very popular.And we were selling eclipses at fucking sticker priceat MSRP.People were calling from Montana, Wyoming,hey, do you have this?
25:05Yeah, we'll write you a check or send,give you an American Express card over the phoneor $10,000 deposit.It was fucking craziness.So if you sold 10 of those cars,you made like five or $6,000 a month.Because they're like a 700-dollar commissionif you sold them for MSRP.
25:20Unless you're so financing and the fucking scratch and dutch.So here I am, you know, 20, 83.I'm probably, yeah, 26 years old,because it's 89.I'm 26 years old.Yeah, I'm your age.She's pregnant, I'm about to get married.And I'm just stealing with two fucking hands.
25:47Like everything I got my hands on.And when I say stealing, I wasn't really stealing,but I was loan sharking money at the halfway house,selling blow, then I was selling Mitsubishi.Then she told me she was knocked up.And instead of working my shifton a couple hours a day,I would work fucking nine to nine every day.
26:06And I started making like eight to 10 grand a month there.You know, I cut down on the snorting cokebecause I gave him a hot UA,so I cut down on the snorting coke.So I was just selling coke,so I was actually making a fucking profit.So I was making a profit on all my fucking avenues.And at the end of the summer, right before the little,
26:22I kept giving him money for the wedding, like 7,500,7,500, then I gave him like 10,000because you have to give him like increments,you have to put deposits down for certain things.I was telling me that I gave him like 30 fucking grandand it destroyed me.Like it fucking destroyed me.Like I didn't have any money at all, guys.
26:43I had just come out of prison.I maybe had maybe 800 dollars.I don't even know what the fuck I had.And I just went to work, guys.Sometimes you go to fucking work.You black out everything else out.I was working nine to nine, six days a week,working out, walking a dog twice a day.
27:01You said you ran in the morning.Ran in the mornings.I was snorting coke.I used to run along Boulder Reservoir in the morning,Boulder Creek.Yeah, you used to go like 170 or something.Yeah.You were skinny.
27:11No, I was about, when I got out of the prison,I was probably walking around around 225.Okay.Still.I was in good shape.I was running.I was lifting weights.I was selling cars.
27:22I was taking care of myself.I would go to the harvest every morningand eat Swiss granola breakfasts.But I was such a fucking scam artist.I was such a fucking piece of shit.And I'd gone like three monthswithout doing a fucking line of blow.I was getting, and I was selling, fucking.
27:42I was selling blow and I was stealing blowfrom one dude and I was selling that.I would go to his house when he leftand I would clip like an eight ball or a half ounce here.I mean, guys, I'm telling you, I was a fucking beast.And it was like two weeks before the weddingand my curfew was midnightand they let us out of the Mitsubishi place at nine.
28:03And I think I had like an ounce of coke on me.I was taken back to the halfway housebecause it was Friday night to sell.I probably had two grand cashand me something fucking ridiculous.And my friends like, how am I gonna go to the strip club?We went to one or two strip clubs and I didn't like them.And I stumbled into this nude one, it was B-Y-O-B.
28:24Not guys, I'm not a strip club guy.I've never been a strip club guy.I was killing three hours.You know, who knows if I was horny?I don't fucking know.I was a cokehead.I always had dead dick.I wasn't interested.
28:38Once I had two lines of coke on me,I wasn't interested in women.But I walked into the strip club and I saw this Korean girl.I was telling her, wait,this could have been the fucking interview.And I went right up to her.And I said, I want more private dance.And I played the third dance.
28:52I said, listen, it's over.I want to eat your ass.I want to eat your pussy.What's it gonna take?And she said, just throw me hundreds.We're going to the private room.And I had this bitch with her fucking thong offwith her legs up in the air.
29:03It was ridiculous.I was putting coke on her pussy.We were both doing coke.I went off the fucking wagon.When I got back to the halfway house,I had Zelcho Do Re Mi, Zelcho.You spent two grand?Two grand.
29:17I just gave it to the pussy.It was so good.I just ate her finger.She broke out condoms.I had dead dick.It was embarrassing, but I didn't give a fuck.I remember leaving there and I was so honed upthat I jerked off in the car after I messed around with her.
29:31That's how disgusting I was.And I got in the car and I drove back to Boulder.And I remember pulling up in Boulder this specific nightand getting on my car and the invicts were out therewindows going, yeah.Because I was bringing the block.And I remember walking through, signing in,walking through, going upstairs and fucking,
29:53you know, bringing blow to the invicts and shit.And somebody ratted us out.They tested all of us, but they didn't test meand some other guy.So everybody was suspicious that it was meor some other guy that ratted the fuck out.Oh, okay.And that kid called them to the podcast
30:08and we told the story, Alexander Rare.He was my roommate at the halfway house.That's crazy.That's, I couldn't even imagine.Like when you were going through and likegoing all the stuff you were doing,you said that guy, that Coke deal,would just leave his back door unlocked.
30:22He'd do it like once a week.Oh my God.This guy was like a medium type friend.I knew him through friends or friends.He was kind of a goofball.He was like from the Midwest and he was tryingto sell Coke to make a living.But he was paranoid to put it in his house.
30:38So he'd leave it in like a back shed,like out in the open.I met two people who did that.They were scared to have it in the house.So when they're high and when they were drunk,they put like a rock on top of it.And somebody with a good eye would fucking see that shit,you know?
30:56So I would take Coke from him.I would sell that at the halfway house.I was just a one man wrecking fucking crew.And I ended up getting married.Snow didn't blow on the honeymoon.That didn't stop snowing and blowing.They got me with another UA.And they put me back in the fucking halfway house,
31:15December 1st, and I didn't get out till February 2nd.And my daughter was born February 3rd.Fuck.I was that one for you.And I probably started doing Coke February 6th.That's how crazy we're talking about.Three days off.That's the halfway house thing.
31:34So not everyone who goes to jailgoes to a halfway house.It depends, I think, what type of crime you have.Like if it's a nonviolent crime, drugs, shit like that,they put you in a certain halfway house.It's for like rapists, they have different things.And for like, you know, child molesters,they have different things.
31:52This was a general population halfway house.It was a company who owned that one in the one long month.And what you basically do is,I think they bought the buildingand you paid rent in the buildingand they got government money funding.Oh, okay.You paid 270 a month and you shared
32:10two bedroom with seven people.So you started on the couchand then somebody got out and somebody moves outand you moved to the top bunk.Then you moved to the bottom bunk.Then you moved to the big room, you know, with a TV.And then after you're there long enough,you moved to a three-man room.
32:32So it's a one bedroom with three people in the room.So it's bunk beds and one single bed.Okay.All right, and that's the,but you only paid 270 a month.So that's a cheap rent to get you back on your feet.Right.And that's what it is.
32:47It's something to get you through the transition.Was it embarrassing being in a halfway house?Not at all.Really?Not at all.I feel like, like when you told peoplewhere you lived, out at work, you wouldn't,they wouldn't do that.
32:58Yeah, but I didn't tell everybody.They had an regular address.It was like 1800 Canyon Boulevard, 1830.It was a condo.All they basically do in a halfway houseis buy an old condo.I thought it was like a jail.Building with like a fence around it.
33:13Then you have work release section in the county jail.I've never done that.The work release section in the county jailis where you leave at six, but you're back at six at nightand you're in with, in a section where they watch TVand they go to bed at 10.And they drug testing, you still get handcuffed.It's minimum security maybe.
33:35That's completely different.That's a work release at the jail.Then they have halfway houses, federal and state ones.Okay.All right, so you have two different ones.And I don't know what the federal ones,I like in Denver, I know what the federal oneis like in New York.
33:53It was a lot better than the one I was in in Boulder.Why was it better?More cushy, more cushy elevators, elevator music,you know, a kitchen where you could go eat.Did it help you?Because you said you were scamming and stuff,do you think it was beneficiary?It was very, it was weird.
34:21Before I got sentenced to that,I remember bumping into the DA at like a supermarket chain,what's here, Ralph's?There is King Supers in Denver in Boulder.And I bumped into him and I said,can I talk to him?He's like, I really can't talk to him.I go, you're gonna talk to me?
34:38I go, what can we do here?And he's like, you know, man,this is why I'm sending you to jailbecause you have this very chuck and jive type attitudeabout this, you did something, you have to live up to it,now you're gonna get sentenced to jail.If you were to came in with a different attitude,maybe there would have been work release on the table,
35:01but you came in with this chuck and jive,how can we do this, overlooking everything?And it made sense, that was what I was doing with my life.I was chucking and jiving through my life.I wasn't committing to nothing,everything was a fucking giggle, everything was a story.So yeah, I guess.That's your question, Cox?
35:24Yeah, I mean, it's just, President is so foreign to me.Like I love watching those President National Geographicshows just to see what it would be like.Like I don't think I'd survive.People wouldn't survive in the halfway house.I think the failure ratio was 40%, four out of 10.They'd re-offend?Yeah, re-offend, give a hot UA, get drunk,
35:47couldn't find a job.Like if you can't find a job in a month,they put you back and you finish 18 months.Because you're supposed to be in the halfway housefor 18 months, it's a transition period.Is all of that addiction, cause like for me,it's kind of like the football playerswho can't not smoke weed,
36:05or like being at a halfway house.If someone said you can't drinkor you're gonna go back to prison, I just wouldn't drink.Is all of it addiction,or are some of them just like wanting to go back?For me, it was psychological, I think.I think it was very, you're challenging me to do something.And I wanted to do it.
36:22I don't know, it was like,in those days I was my worst enemy.I kept getting in my own way a lot more.I did it every day then.I got in my own way eight times a day.When did you realize you were doing that?About 15 years ago.Maybe a little longer, 20 years ago.
36:38You know, I got sharper.There's a line in the office and the gentleman,you didn't become a better person,you just polished off the sides a little bit.Oh, okay.And at that time, that's all I was doing.I had cut fat off,but I was still the same creepy motherfucker.
36:54Do you know, I was cutting the fat off, yeah,but I was still not at terms with a lot of things,and I still wasn't.You know, like I said, I was robbing some guythat I knew personally.I knew him personally, was I great friends of him?Did I go to his house and he's doing no.But I knew who he was.
37:09I would drive up to the back of his house,walk back to that hector, you hear?Hector, I'd knock on the door,and there would be the package,and there'd be like two ounces.And I'd take a whole chunk.And then I'd call him,because I knew he was fucked up in real life.
37:26I'd call him the next thing, go what's up.He's like, ah, I did a lot more than I thought I did last nightbecause he was smoking coke.So he was so fucked up.He would put it outside because he would get so paranoidhe wouldn't go outside and get it.That was the other reason why it was outside.It's fucking crazy, Lee.
37:42It's just that you have to knock on wood that,you know, I told you that edible wasn't strong.What do you mean it's not strong?I told you that fucking thing.We're gonna eat the other half.I'm fucked up, too.I told you it wasn't strong.I told you it was okie-doh.
37:55You're arguing with yourself.I mean, you're agreeing with yourself.I don't like when you're not high.I'm really high.It depresses me.It depresses me when you eat okie-doh.You got me high last night on a joint.Well, last night was on the way home that,
38:08you know, it was in there, wax.Oh, fuck.Wax, bazooka oil, and shit, yeah,looks for another one.How we 15 milligrams?How we three, it's a Russian star.Come on, man.You eat three milligrams, and you eat two.
38:22How's that?Cause you're not high enough.You're making me feel bad.This is the last podcast of the year.People are gonna call in.Great, that's exciting.You know, what the fuck?You gotta be on point, Lee.
38:30I am on point.There you go.Delicious.You should have stayed at car sales.No, you would have been a billion dollars.This bag was filled with edible.You're the only person, like you guys go to workwith like a briefcase or like a knapsack
38:51full of like work stuff.He brings Hitty Sigs, his notebook,and about $80 worth of weed.What are you gonna do?Kind of half of this?No, that's 10 milligrams.You ate 35 milligrams, you gotta open up.Last night, 834, let me see what's in your hand.
39:07You're a magician.You didn't put it in your hand.Cut, suck it.How delicious is that?It's good, it's fun.You told me, you asked me 10 times today.Give me a gummy bear.I used to do once when you asked me what I wanted to have.
39:17Beg me to bring a fucking gummy bear.Yeah, cause you bring me nasty chocolate stuff.So when I do something tonight,we've never fucking done before.It's been a great year.We have a lot of people that watch the podcast.We, I love you guys.I've met you on the road and I know how happy it is.
39:32And tonight we just wanted to try and see,just have a couple of people call inand just ask questions, whatever.Listen, man, if you get through,do we really wanna fucking talk about something stupid?Let's talk about something that's going on with you.You don't have to give your name.You just give your first name.
39:49If your name is Jim, just say Jim.Don't say I'm Jim fucking LaBambaand then call me tomorrow and go Joey, you embarrass me.No.You just added Jim LaBamba.I don't know who Jim LaBamba is.That's a friend of mine from 20 years ago.So I'm just making up a fucking fake name, cock sucker.
40:03So click out the number, give him the numberand start calling him.We got some time, let's talk some shit.And let's see what's cracking there.Should I give him some shout outs first?Okay.I guess we go deep here.Let me get some shout outs.
40:15First of all, I'm gonna tell you something.I wish all the years and all your familiesand a happy new year.I wish that this is the year you figure it the fuck out.If you're struggling,if you're fucking getting your dick sucked on a basisand you just stabbing motherfuckers,then I love you to death.
40:31Keep doing what you're doing.You got it together.I hope your family's healthy.I hope you're healthy from Lee and myself.We wouldn't do this if it wasn't for you guys.So thank you very much and happy new year.As usual, Tom Graham, Phil B, Ross Wyman,Ralph Hartfield, Sean Paul Cunningham,
40:52raised by motherfucking wolves, Dan Cant,Crash and Baxter Dashingrod.I love you motherfuckers.Thank you for always hitting me up on Twitter or Facebookor whatever fuckers that you do.Open up the fucking lines, Lee.Let's talk to these goddamn savages and see what's cracking.Are you gonna do this first or like the ads first?
41:12No.Let's get them calling.Okay, let's get them calling.All right, guys.And once you zap the number, we zap the number.That's it.If it gets out of control, we zap the number.If they're nice fucking people and we talk to them, Lee,
41:22you know?All right, guys, 818-570-5494.That's 818 till you die.570-5494.Thank you, Lee.818 till I die.Now we got a number for a little while.We'll fuck around.
41:34We'll go back and forth.See what you guys got to think.See what you guys are on your mind.You put the number on this.I did.What the fuck?It was Matthew Riddle.He said he was gonna call first.
41:42It's been up for two.And there's a delay.Give him a second.What kind of delay you got?Here we go.We got a bunch of numbers calling.What kind of fucking delay do you got?Let's do this one first.
41:51What's up?Oh, shit.Joe, it is.What's up, you bad motherfuckers?Yo, man.Fucking love you guys.I love you too, man.We like the Colorado.
42:02Oh, shit, Mike from Colorado.What part of Colorado?From Denver, baby.Where at?Right from Denver.Oh, shit.Look at you, cocksucker.How much snow you got the other day?
42:14Too much, man.Too much.Is it?But you know, we were doing it big here.We're holding it down.It's a beautiful city, man.I spent a lot of time there.I have no regrets.
42:25Our Vada was fucked up, you know?Our Vada was fucked up, but I still loved it.I still love living by 104th and Thornton there.And I sold cars and, you know, I spent.And you got a strong presence out here.Yo, Jesus.Yeah, no, I spent 15 fucking years in Colorado.I did time.
42:39I paid my dues to society.You know, and that said, what's up with you?What do you do for a living?What's on your mind, my brother?I work for DPS, the school system.You know, I worked for the administration part.I, you know, tried to keep busy, man.Got my feet on the ground finally, 28 years old.
42:57I've been listening to the podcast for,I don't know, since last October.And it's just been a trip, man.It's kind of seeing you go on the journeyand seeing Lee go on his journey and me myself, you know?It's a, I can't believe I'm on the line.Listen, I wanted to talk to you guys,a lot of guys that, you know, won't come to comedy shows
43:15or whatever and we tweet.Maybe when I'm in town, you're working a certain shiftand you just want to talk about something to say hello.I wanted to give this a try.I really wanted to talk to you.Lee's been busting my balls.So I'm happy you called.What's up, Lee?
43:29What's up, buddy?How you doing, man?It's a flying dude.Oh shit.Flying dude is fucked up at this moment.That's right.Do you like the legal weed in Denver?Are you doing that?
43:41Or you can't do it because of the school?Oh no, it's, it sits there.You know, we got to keep the respectful,but we keep the going as well.You grew up in Denver?I know, I'm actually from Miami originally.So you're a Cuban?Argentine, actually.
44:02Look at you, you bad motherfucker.Can we go to Argentina?Oh shit.There it is.How long have you been in Colorado for?Oh, since 1999.So, 15 years?Oh please, you've been there a while then, yeah.
44:14So I left in 95 and that was 19 years ago.Gonna be 20 in June.I tell you what, I think about Boulder and Denver a lot, man.I started County there.I used to drive to, oh my God.Oh, to fucking El Torritos and whatever the fuck that isfrom Boulder because they gave me a free couponand they gave me a meal that night.
44:37Just amazing places where I fucking got in troublein Vale and Craig, Colorado.My heart is in Colorado.I wish I could move back there,but the airport fucks me up there all the time.So.It's that big blue horse that they've got out front, man.Here's the big boy.
44:54It fucks me up, they booked it, you know.I was in Colorado, I'm an old Stapleton type of motherfucker.You know, I just went to 36 over to the 70, bam,you're at Stapleton.Now they put this fucking airport in a Cule Mundo,you know, two hours from civilization out there.Yeah, you're gonna get a foot of fucking snowout there in banks.
45:12But I do heard that they cleaned the streets real welland whatever in the winter time.So, I don't know.I'd like to go back.Yeah, the snow's down, you know.It's just no dead horse.Well, I see how it is.Yeah, man.
45:25It's any time you're in Denver, man,you gotta come on through.We'll smoke you up big time.Well, I'll be in the comedy works in June, man.Please stop by, Happy New Year,and thank you for calling my brother.Absolutely, it's been a great year with you guys.I wish you the best.
45:39And you know, you guys keep up with me for the church.Thank you, brother.Take care of my model.Thank you, buddy.All right, you wanna take another one?Yeah.The fuck, it's 602 or 786?602 and we'll take 786 next, that's in Miami.
45:54Let's take 602, that's some freak from Phoenix and shit.What's up?Hello, is this Joey?Yeah, brother, what's happening, Primo?Hey, how you doing, Joey?This is Josh, calling from Phoenix.What's up, brother?What's up, fans?
46:07602 in the fucking house, I love it.Exactly, that's how it is.All right, what's happening, brother?Joey, you were saying at the beginning of the episode,talking about what you've done this year,and I just wanna say on behalf of the fans,you help us out a lot.You know, me, a former dog from the streets,
46:26you help keep a heroin needle out of my arm.You know, you give us motivation.You know, every time I hear your show,it just, it puts me right on the right track,and it keeps me going, it keeps me, you know, believing.So I'd just like to thank youand applying you for everything you guys do.Thank you for listening, man.
46:46Thank you means a lot, man.Listen, you know, we all make mistakes,and we all choose different paths,but we're all going for the same path.Even when you had that heroin needle in your arm,at the end of your fucking high,you'd always say some day I'm gonna get it right, correct?Correct.
47:04You know, and it takes time,and as long as you keep believing that,like I said, this show's not about this or this,it's about mistakes, and what we didwith the fucking mistakes, and you know,what are you working?You know, I actually, you know,I did, I kind of followed your plan of moving away
47:23from the city, moving away from where I grew up,and you know, I attend at the University of Arizona,and just recently, I started taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu,following in your path, you know?So it's just, it's, you know, I don't have money,I don't have this and that, but I have goals,and I'm, you know, I'm actively pursuing them,and that's all because of you, you know,
47:44you give that motivation each time, so.Bro, you could do whatever the fuck you want,even if you came out of prison at 50.I met a guy a couple of years agothat was fucking out in rehab,so he was on a 60-something, 58,and he came out, and he started to work,and he said he didn't have teeth,
48:03so he had to work as a telemarketer,I mean, it's a fantastic fucking story,and today the guy owns the company,because after a while, you get it, you know?You just made a few more mistakes than the other guy,but man, I'm proud of you, you know,and thank you for your fucking words,I didn't know it was like that in Arizona.
48:20What are you going to school for?Going for a psychology degree.I've been going for a couple of years in Phoenix,and I just recently moved to Tucsonto go to the University of Arizona,which is the goal that I never thought I would ever attain,and so now I'm 30 years old,you know, I left that street life behind,
48:39and you know, it's tough, but it's easybecause I'm going for a goal now,you know, it's something I never did before,but I mean, going, you know,seeing you every day on Earth, your podcast,you know, going through that street lifethat you went through, I can relate to it,and it's something, you know,
48:56your past drug habit and this and that,it shows me that you can't, there's never too late,you can always make it, you know,so it just, you know, I owe that all to you guysand what you guys do, and you know,it just gets, you know, great to actually be on the podcastand be able to talk to you.We met once before when you were here,
49:14I stand up live, took a picture with you and all that,but it's great to actually, you know, talk to you.Well man, I'm happy, listen to the podcast,I'll be back down there in Apriland I wish you'd give me a hug and let me know what you,we'll be doing this a lot more with the Collins,I'm digging this, I'm digging, talking to you guys,I want to know what's, like I said,
49:31a lot of times I come through and you guys are busy,but man, thank you very muchand thank you for fucking making it happen in your life.Thank you for taking control and thank you, that's it,you owe it to yourself, you know?Yeah, thank you guys, I hope you guyshave a happy new year and a great 2015.You too, Pimo, from the bottom of my heart,
49:52thank you for being a fucking savage.You too, buddy, thank you, good luck on college, man.Thank you, have a good day.You too.All right, let's do this one.We're seven, eight, six.How long's gone?We got six, three, one and nine, five, six.
50:04Oh shit, let's talk to six, three, one.What's up, you bad motherfuckers,is that Tennessee somewhere?Coco, what's up, brother?What's up, baby?How you doing?You know, man, it's a Tuesday night here in the valley,the wind's fucking blowing,
50:22I got Lee eating fucking goomy bears,we're going to the comedy store, who's better than you?Nobody, brother, this is Greg from Long Island.I got a funny story to tell you though, real quick.Hit me, brother.Okay, so I saw you when you were down in Miamiat that Kendall Comedy Showbecause I spend my summers in Miami and stuff like that,
50:43but I live on the beach in Miami and one of my neighbors,I didn't know, he said he grew up with youor something in North Bergen.So whatever, this was,this was when I saw him at the comedy showand I had no idea that he was even there.I don't even know the guy's fucking name.I have no idea, but you got to tell me this guy's name,
51:04it's hysterical story, it sounds retarded,but it's so funny.What's his story?Yo.He's gone.We lost him, six, three, one.Three, four, seven, here we go.What's up, brother?
51:22Oh, shit, I made it.What's up, baby?Fuck, yeah, you made it, you bad motherfucker.Oh, man, this is crazy.How you doing, Joe?How you doing, Joe?You know, man, good, man.Me, sorry, what's up?
51:33What's up, man?What's up, baby?I'm happy you called.Where you calling from?Fuck, yeah, fuck, yeah.Oh, man, I'm calling from the Bronx, New York.Oh, shit.Oh, shit, the boogie down.
51:45Yes, sir, yes, sir.Me mother fucking hentai and stuff.What's going on, baby?Joe, man, I'm just calling you, and I got into your show.Did they turn off the playing of itin the background of the show?Okay, I got a little delay, but I listened to the phone.But I got into Joey listening to,
52:05I saw something he had segmented with you,and that got me into the whole show.Okay.I just got a quick question.I got a brother, he's Cuban, he's what he's into,that's what he has, he's always going to witches.But the guy's all, he's a little fucked up, still.Like he listened to the witch,
52:20and I guess the witch tells him a whole bunch of thingsthat, you know, get him off track,because he believes the witch too much.Right.So I don't know, I'm thinking about going to a witch,I'm trying to do something out,I'm a little down on the gutter in my life right now,and I'm trying to just guess, you know,
52:38a point of view for maybe a witch, somebody.About what's going on in your life?Like maybe they could give me,just give me a two pass at least,to go either left or right.But I don't know if it's safe to go outto a witch in the Bronx.You know, man, I'd made Saint in the Bronx.
52:59You know, I made, the Bronx is the birthing place up there.You know, that's where they fucking,they got the chickens in the yard, it's like Miami,you know, it's just finding the right person.There's a lot of fake people there,there's a lot of fake peoplethat are doing it for wrong reasons.Ask around, be patient.
53:16If you see somebody and they're looking kind of good,and they got your coyotes on or something,pull them over to the side and say,how's your big guy?And they'll go, oh, I love him,I've been with him for 11 years,he's solid, listen to fucking queens or something.You go and you do it like in a suit, you know what I'm saying?
53:33Just don't go to some dude in the fucking boat.It doesn't matter if I go to a Dominican,because Dominican people are, you know,I think Dominicans are the most corrupt people.They ought to get your money.Well, tell me who, in this day and age,who's not out to get your money?They all are, Cubans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans,
53:48you know, it's whatever path.You know, if you pay attention to the Santeria,like the Brazilian path is a little differentthan what the dude does out here,the dude I used to talk to out here, he's a black dude.So he brings a little different, you know,I was brought up in a Cuban system.So there's all different things,
54:08but to me and you, man, there's bad people out there,and there's a lot of good people doing itthat believe that they still charge whatever,there's $13 on a little brown envelope or something.So that's all I can tell you, man, it's hard.You know, the people that piss me offare the people that go from people to people every monthlooking for the answer.
54:30Eventually you'll get the answer.So what is the witch or whatever that person,what do they do?Well, they just, they go through the rich,I'm not too short, I don't ask too much,but I know he goes to witches,because I know his dad wasn't to the whole Santeria thing,and he's Cuban, so he believes in it big time.
54:51You know, when you go.I'm always a little skeptical about it.Right, no.But they go through the whole ritual,they probably read them,and they tell them that this is gonna happen or that,and I think it fucks them up at the end of the day.What do they do, Joey?
55:05Well, what happens is this,you have a lot of people that do this for a living,and it's weird, it's a mumbo jumbo system that they do,or I shouldn't say a system, it's a belief in their heart.It all starts with that person.When you are around that person,you will feel a little different.Okay, it's a vibe, you gotta pick up that vibe.
55:27And like I said, you're gonna have like,okay, I hadn't done anything for maybe 15 years,because once my mom died,and I got away from those people,I don't fuck around, those were the people I was with.I didn't see anybody from 1985,June 30th, 1985, was the last time I saw my godmother.And she told me, and she read me,
55:48and told me not to mess around with three people,not to do cocaine no more.At that time, she didn't know about my life,she didn't know I was doing coke in Jersey,she was doing 148th and fucking Broadway.She didn't know what I was doing,and she read me the cards because I'm doing this,she's doing that, blah, blah, blah.
56:03I got locked up, I lost contact with all those people.I didn't go running around,I got lost in my world,I was doing drugs and going to prison,but I always thought about what I stood for.As I was getting older and I was running out of time,I knew that I had to stop with the drugs.You know, I have a bottle, that's a white,
56:24he's from white, so I can't do nothing white,I don't drink milk, I can't really eat sugar,I'm not supposed to snuck coke, anything white.So, yeah, here I was, yeah, here I was,Norton Coke, losing my fucking mind,and I was doing a movie that I hated to be on.It was a USC movie, and the people were gonna take itto a festival, and they were gonna go get financing
56:51for this movie.I hated these people from the beginning,they wanted me to rehearse, it was a hundred dollars a day,and they wanted me to go to Pasadena and rehearse,and then drive to Vegas, and I said, no,I'm shooting tomorrow, so I get there,and I could already see it's a fucking nightmare.But there was a guy with a fucking wrist thing,
57:14an abacua thing, a black dude, so I pulled him aside,and I go, hey man, who you working with, and he told me,and I called the guy, and I probably met with the guytwo or three times for coffee before I even took itto the next level, went back to his house,and he read the cards or whatever the fuck he did,and I worked with him.But the dude who turned me on to him came up to me one day
57:35and said, hey man, I got a better guy for you.So I knew that guy was just looking for a quick fix.Okay, gotcha, yeah, yeah.I love you, talk sucka, stay black.You too, brother, thank you for taking my call.And do your thing, happy new year always, man,that's what we're here to do.All right, brother, be safely, it's always a pleasure.
57:57All right, let's see here, let's do a five.What's happening, brother?All right, brother, be safely.Joe, Joey.Yo.Coco, man, it's Chef Rob down in New Orleans.What's up, you fucking chef, the chef and shit.I'm doing it right, watching you like a big dog.
58:16I hear you, man, happy new year,and fucking Merry Christmas to you.This man is the fucking shit,the best chef in New Orleans.Oh, is this like Nolan's smokehouse on Twitter?This is him, yeah.What's up, man, I've seen you all the time on Twitter.What's up, brother?
58:28Yeah, you're right.None much, man, living the dream.Hey, I wanted to be the first one on the churchto take a bomb hit, can I do that?Yes, absolutely, take a fucking bomb hit.Listen, man, why don't you hit me up on Twitter,get me a club to go down there and play at,so I can bring Lee and we can do a podcast
58:45and do some stand-up down in New Orleans.I'm trying hard, man.We're working with Matt Liefel,we're trying to get you a gig.It's hard, comedy down here, it's not like LA, man,it's a whole different thing.No, I know, I know, but listen, like I said,last time we had a nice little time at that theater,
59:05I'll go back to the theater, I'll go back to the theater,I don't give a fuck, La Nuit.Yeah, you're right.La Nuit theater.Well, we're definitely checking it out,and we're gonna be kicking it on the 2015,getting blowed up, getting smoky, doing it right.How's business?
59:23Business is good, business is good.I mean, we a small-time barbecue,but I tell you what, Joey, listening to you in the podcastgot me off my ass and got me out of bad restaurant,and I started doing a pop-up by myself.2014, I was able to get a roof,and I tell you what, it's between you,Joe Rogan, Duncan Trussell, y'all empower us
59:46to do good things, and I thank you, brother.Thank you, you always had it in you,you just needed somebody to give youa little fucking kick in the ass.You're still a fireman?No, you're not the fireman, right?No, the fireman's Mr. Dan.The fireman's Mr. I thought you were the guy,
01:00:02I'm losing you now, now I'm thinking you're one person.No, I'm the barbecue guy.Right, you're the barbecue guy.I'll switch you to some blue dream outside.Absolutely, I remember you, no, no, I remember you,I'm trying to remember the fireman guy.What kind of barbecue do you make?We do New Orleans type barbecue, I just do dry rub.
01:00:22I saw y'all putting up some pictures of brisket and stuff.Oh yeah. That's my specialty, I do the burn-ins.Oh, that's my favorite.And they just melt in your mouth, Joe,it's like meat candy, I swear to God.Oh, that sounds good.Do you make potato salad?We do potato salad, we do coleslaw,
01:00:40we do the baked beans, we do all the classic stuff,but then our chicken, we do a steak night every now and then,I'm doing smoked prime rib, grilled rainbow trout outon the grill to order.We're just trying to have fun down here.We have to go to New Orleans.No, no, I've been trying, but me and Rosie Tran were talking.You know, Rosie's a local, and her and I,
01:01:02they were gonna open up Lucky's, a comedy club,and that was a scam.They realized the guy was scamming everybody.Then one of the guys-We gotta get you down here, Joe,there's a bunch of death squads in New Orleansthat love y'all to death,and just to get y'all down here for that one time,
01:01:21which was really cool,and for Grudge Match and that whole thing.I hope you enjoyed the city, I hope we can see you again.Yeah, no, I loved it down there, but keep me posted.I love you, and Happy New Year,and thank you for calling me, chef.You know, I love you to all my heart.I swear, we'll be in touch with emails.
01:01:37Your family, a long fucking time, man.I love you, you've been around for a while.Thank you very much for the fucking loyalty.I'm gonna beat y'all real soon.All right.See.Peace.All right, all right.
01:01:49Keep him coming, Lee Cox, sucker.Let's go, here we go.No unknown numbers, please.What's up, baby?Hey, what's up, I'm the Jay.What's up, brother?What's up, brother, it's Freddie Korea from Vegas.Oh shit, oh shit!
01:02:04I'll see you Friday, my little brother.What's going on?How's the wife, the girlfriend?Oh, she's good, the wife is good, brother.Yeah, we'll definitely see you Friday at the Mirage, huh?Yeah, at the Mirage, and then I'm going overto the point with you guys.Oh, snap!
01:02:21I'm taking Ari with me over to the South Point and shit.There's gonna be those, bro.I got a show Friday night with Edwin San Juan also,so we'll roll together.All right, what time is your show with Edwin?At nine.Okay, all right.Yeah, so right after that,
01:02:39I'll try to make it to Mirage or South Point,but I'll see you Friday.Yeah, no, I'll just see you at the South Point, bro.Yeah, man.Swim by the South Point.Bro, I want to say, man, thank you so muchfor everything you do with the podcast, man.Like right now, I'm on my lunch hour.
01:02:53It gets me through the day, man.So thank you, brother.Lunch hour?It's fucking nine o'clock.You said lunch, he leaves, he is perked up.No, he works at the cable company.Right, right, right, I remember.So he's probably fucking out there right now.
01:03:06How you doing, Lee?See, you're not that hot.Fucked up, dude.Fucked, no, that was a great walk for you.I just talked to him about what he made for barbecue.Shit, you really fucked up.You said I got to put up with Freddy.Freddy, so you live in Vegas full-time?
01:03:19Yeah, bro, I live out here full-time,got a job full-time.How many nights a week do you get on stage?Get on three to four.That's not bad.Yeah, and for the most part, it's over at Winfield Place.No shit.Yeah, yeah, so he's been taking me under his wing
01:03:41and being a mentor and helping me out.We have writing sessions,and then he's about to start his podcastthat I'm producing, so it's great, brother.Now, where is the, what club is he at?He's over at Las Vegas Live Comedy Club.It's inside Planet Hollywood.Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, all right.
01:03:59So you guys are doing well out there.And there's a couple different open mics during the weekthat you can hit up also, so you guys will live in large.Yeah, there's a nice comedy scene out here, brother.No, I've seen it, and I've heard it.Listen, I'm sold on that South Point.I am sold here.That is, you go up there, you do 10 minutes,
01:04:18and you get the four o'clock stage, and eight guys go up.Yeah.You know, eight guys, and you drink, and you smoke, and-And they're nice there.Like that dude.Really fucking nice.Dan?Mike.
01:04:29Mike is tremendous.Oh, my God, he's so cool.You know, I've always said that the manager doesn't like comedy.The comedy's not gonna work.That guy likes comedy.He likes fucking around, he likes helping fucking,what's his name?The little Mexican dude, whatever his name is, what's Gabe?
01:04:44Gabe open.My little brother Gabe, the fucking Joker.Yeah.But no, I've definitely seen you Friday night for sure, man.What were you saying?I'm sorry.Brother, when are you gonna do that renal gig again?Renal to the whole comedy up there.
01:05:00Whenever you want, let's put our dates,let's talk this Friday night.We'll put our dates together and go up there,and fuck around for a few days.That'd be great, brother.That's so far, man.One of the best shows of my life.I love it, brother.
01:05:12Now we had a good time up there.That was fun.Oh yeah.It was great.I'll talk to Wayne, brother.And I'll see you Friday.We'll talk about it.Thank you so much, man.
01:05:19Hey, brother, happy new year,and thank you for all the love and supportyou give the show, man.Absolutely, brother.And big shout out to my boy, Token Lair.Okay, always.That's the man of steel.That's the motherfucker that wrote the book,
01:05:31that motherfucker.I love you, uncle Joey and me.Always.Love you, buddy.I'll see you soon.See you, brother.Happy new year, ball sniffer.Hello?
01:05:47What's up, brother?How you doing?Happy new year, uncle Joey.Happy new year, my little brother.What's going on with you?I'm hanging out in Jersey City right now.Your old stomping grounds.Oh, shit.
01:05:59That's why I love you to death.That's why I love you to death.Where you at?Up in the Heights.No shit.My friend used to live on 149 Gray Street.That's the Heights up there, right off,right off County Boulevard.
01:06:14Yeah, I'm right off County Boulevard myself.No shit.You grew up there, my brother?Yeah, in Hudson County, Joey.Damn, all your life, where'd you go to school at?In Bayonne High School.Wow, and what do you do now for a living?I work in the music industry.
01:06:36Okay, is White Man of Burgers still in Bayonne?I live, White Man of Burgers,I live right up the block from White Man of Burgers.No, you don't.They're still thriving.You still go in there?Yeah, all the time, they're still there.24 hours, they're open right now.
01:06:53How many hamburgers do you think Lee would eatif he went in there tonight?How big are they?They're like, White Man of Burgers.How big are they?Are they like White Castle?They're just like White Castle.Oh, like eight?
01:07:02They're like White Castle.Oh, shit.Hell yeah.And the fries from White Castle?The crinkle ones?Oh, shit, leave me fucking alone.I went, you took me,and for the documentary,
01:07:15you brought me back to North Bergen.And in the 12 hours we shot,we went to White Castle in eight on eight at the car.That's right, you have that footage.Hell yeah.I was good, I love White Castle.Just two of them.That's all I need.
01:07:29But White Man, I'll kill us on White Man,it's dead delicious, those things.So what's up, man?You really in the music industry?Yeah, man, yeah, I work in music publishing.And you work in the city or in Jersey City?Yeah, in Manhattan.Good for you, man.
01:07:48I was loving to talk about Leg Zeppelin a few weeks back,how they fighting off a lot of people'sold blue stuff back in the day.It was interesting,because you're a die hard fan,so it was interesting to take down.Well, you know, you sit there,you hear that, you know,
01:08:03the people that you grew up onthat you thought were the Kings of Rockstole their material.And you know, I've watched their YouTube videos,and I could tell that they've stolen some stuffand lifted some stuff.And I think their mentality wasthat they were gonna make it better.
01:08:20And in the way they did,but it's still, you know,it's still stolen now, what, 30 years later,40 years later, they finally got bustedfor this stay away to heaven.Right, right.I didn't hear that.There's something in California going on
01:08:35that passed a certain point.They're gonna move on with the settlementor whatever the fuck, I'm wording it wrong,I'm high.Lawsuit?The lawsuit, so.Right.It just burns you up, you know.
01:08:46Listen, when I heard fucking that song by that dude,I knew he robbed Marvin Gaye.I thought they had paid Marvin Gaye.I thought they had paid Marvin Gaye.It don't take a fucking moron to know they robbed Marvin Gaye.You know, the song a couple of weeks ago,what's his name?Pharrell and the white dude, the single black
01:09:08and robbing figure.I knew he hit, but in my mind, you know,I heard the Velvet Rope.Anything you hear by Janet Jackson, she samples everything.So I don't know if she steals it.I'm not sitting here pointing my fingers.So when I heard Pharrell and whatever do that song,I'm like, bro, that's lifted.
01:09:29He's saying that he was eating pain pillsand showing you what he was saying.He lifted that motherfucker, that's it, he's done.He's done it, he lifted the song.You know?So, in my eyes, he lifted the fucking song.Is it as big of a deal in the music industry as it is comedy?Oh, it's very, very common.
01:09:48I deal with sample requests daily.A lot of people are trying to sampleusing daily polish and everything,but if you do it the right wayand you take care of it before it comes out,it's an easy, easy process.But Pharrell, they're trying to get over on that for sure.Now, what do they charge to sample?
01:10:08It depends on the song or everybody's the same.Yeah, it depends on the songand the person that's being sampled,artist that's sampling it, soul negotiation.How much do you think that, fuck,what's that girl, rapper name?What's her name?Who did the Anaconda song?
01:10:27Oh, Nicki Minaj.Yeah, how much do you think she paid for?Like, I don't want to unless you got buns on,that had to be expensive.She just took the song.It's expensive because she took the originalmaster recording too, the mix a lot one.So she definitely had to pay some extra money for that.
01:10:46I would think maybe five figures on the publishing sideand maybe five figures on the master side.So yeah, they had to pay a little bit.Wow.How did he get into music?I'm a musician myself, drummer.Grew up on a classic rapper, Joey,by Depplin, Black Sabbath.
01:11:04Have you met on the towel?Go ahead, go ahead.What was your favorite drummer?Oh, John Bonham without a doubt.Really?Hands down.From you think he's tops right now?Was that?
01:11:19You think he was the best one of all time like thatin that genre?I think so, yeah, for sure.Him or, I love Bill Ward and Black Sabbath too.I mean, he's a master.Bill Ward plays some fucking tremendous shit, man.Yeah.Sometimes.
01:11:35Who do jazz, everything.I fucking love Ferry's Wear Boots,the drums in Ferry's Wear Boots.Love it.Drives me fucking crazy, that song.Every time I hear that song, I blast that fucking thingand go crazy.What's the name of the song?
01:11:50Ferry's Wear Boots.Fucking tremendous.It's on paranoid.Fucking tremendous.Brother, it was a, you know who I thought was good?When I went like, I saw a lot of good drummers lie,like Neil Peart.I wasn't a rush fan.
01:12:06I also saw like the guy from the police.I also saw, I'll tell you who was one of the best dudesI've seen in life.You're going to laugh at me, the dude from Missing Persons.Really?Terry Bozio was making the fucking.Oh yeah, Terry Bozio.I saw him, I saw him at the, that place in Newark.
01:12:27It was like a theater, the fucking ceiling leaks.Dog, the whole building was moving when they were doingmental hopscotch.It was fucking going through your soul.Like, I could feel it hitting my lungs,the energy of his drum, of his bass drum.Doom, doom, sometimes you say you will,sometimes you say you won't.
01:12:47Fucking dumbass.What are you nuts or what?Break out the fucking heroin.Jersey City, I love you man.Thank you for calling and representing my old hood.Happy New Year.I love you man.What's your name again?
01:12:59Thank you, Frank.Man, please call again and school usand we'll be back on some music.Thank you, God bless you Papa.I just want to also say Happy New Year to my friendCarmen, put me on to your podcast man.Good guys from Jersey as well.All right, send them my love, Carmen.
01:13:14Happy New Year brother.Happy New Year brother.Here's seven, eight, six.Oh shit, Miami Beach in the fucking house.What's up Uncle Joey?What's up my little brother?What's up man, it's Gus from Baltimore man.I actually got my cousin Bobay up here visiting.
01:13:30Yes, how are you my friend?Good to fucking hear from you.I'm doing awesome man.We were like almost a third one's in manand then it stopped it and it saysthat we couldn't reach or whatever man.Ah, Lee got this Puerto Rican service.I think that they cut it off at 10 o'clock.
01:13:46That's Puerto Rican service.He bought the number on the corner.We only got it from, yeah we only got it fromlike eight to 10 and the number goes back to the church.The real church.The real church.I just want to wish you a merry Christmasand a happy Hanukkah to the flying Jew man.
01:14:02Thank you buddy.Brother, thank you for listeningand thank you for calling in this.Just a-Bro, you gotta get your ass back up to Maryland Joey.I will, I will be back up in Baltimoreand I will be back in Miami and South Florida bro.You know me.
01:14:17Alright man, God bless you guys.Love you guys.Hey brother, thank you for the love and the support always.I love you to death man.Alright, you're clear to be mental.He won't make it.Yo!Hold on a second, there you go.
01:14:28Yo!Oh shit.Oh shit.That's what I'm talking about.What's up Uncle Joey?What's up my little brother?Who am I speaking with?DP out in Montana.
01:14:39Oh shit, what part of Montana?Haver.How close to Billings?Eastern part, like 40 miles from Canada.Oh my God.You guys eat that fish,that really good fish up there, right?For show.
01:14:55Not macro, what the fuck is the fish?Salmon?No, no, no, no.Them in Montana, not Wyoming,but like Montana and Minneapolis have a war going onabout the fish that they get up there.So I'm up there north.It doesn't fucking matter.
01:15:10How far are you from Billings?How far am I from Philly?Billings, Billings, Billings.Fuck Philly.3000 miles?No, Billings, Billings.Billings?Oh, like four hours?
01:15:22Wow.Fucking cold in Montana, huh?Tell these motherfuckers.Tell the rest of the countrywhat they don't fucking know.It's 20 right now.Uncle Joey, outside, a little chilly.If you smoke a joint, it turns off.
01:15:35It turns off and tells you to go fuck yourself.You gotta keep that thing fired up.Yeah, man.It's cold right now up there.I used to do comedy all through Montana.From Billings to, from Billings to the other placewith the colleges, Zamula, whatever it is.The eight ball.
01:15:51The eight ball, Bozeman.Bozeman, we used to go to the eight ball in.What's that?I used to do triple runs all the time in Montana.I gotcha, I gotcha.Some of the best times I had were in Montana,believe it or not.Fun times, cold.
01:16:06You're up there in January.You earn your motherfucking keep, Jack.You earn your fucking keep.That's no joke.I work outside.It's no joke.When you take your clothes off and pull them down,like half all of you touch your jacket, it's still cold.
01:16:18Oh.Oh, without a doubt.Without a doubt.It's amazing.What do you do working outside?I work grounds at the college I go to.Wow.How many hours a week?
01:16:30With being on break, probably like 40.And then, like in January, I'm student teaching.How many credits you taking?Just 12.Okay.You got a fucking workload, brother?Yeah, yeah.Yeah, you're busy.
01:16:44Thank you.Thank you for taking the time and listening.I have to use some fucking part time.Yeah, and I just wanted to say I came out in Julyand I met you when you did the,I think it was the number 13 live podcast with Miss Pat.Okay.Yeah, that was a fucked up one.
01:16:59Very nice seeing you.Yeah, it was nice seeing everybody.Listen, man, I love the tail end of this.A lot of people don't have the opportunityto do the tail end of this.I do stand up, sometimes Lee comes,sometimes he doesn't, so I get to meet you guys.And that's the final result.
01:17:14That's the whole circle of this whole podcast thingwe're doing, so.Perfect.Well, thank you.And I wish you a happy new year.Uncle Joey and Lee.Montana, get us a comedy club,so we go do there, right, brother?
01:17:29I mean, we need it.We need something in the winter.We do need something in Montana.Like I said, I used to go to that Holiday Innand Billings all the time.Twice a year for Tribble.That's a great fucking Holiday Inn,but you know, you move on.
01:17:43I love to contact Tribble and maybe do a run with Lisaand leave them out there in fucking Wyoming.All right, what the fuck is that?Pirate radio, crank call, crank call.I love you, stay black.All right.What's happening, brother?Hey, what's going on, Joey?
01:18:01You know me, dawg, trying to put the motherfucking piecestogether on a Tuesday night here with Lisa.My favorite fucking Jew.Where you calling from, Primo?I'm calling from Indianapolis.Oh, shit.What's going on?Yes, sir, you're coming to town here in February.
01:18:18I can't fucking wait.I can't fucking wait, so it'd be nice and cold.I've never been to India.I've never been to India before, brother.Yeah, well, it's, you know, it's kind of a sleeper,but we get it done, you know.It's not, it's a no-high zone,so they haven't relaxed on the weed laws out there just yet,
01:18:39but you know, we're waiting, we're hopeful.Let me tell you something.I've been dying to go to that club,and then they pushed me back because of Russell.We were talking about it last night.Right.And now, you know, I'm going backand I'm fucking excited.
01:18:53I'm trying to get a flight on Wednesdaybecause I got to go back for Bob and Tomand all that shit, but...Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.You're going to be up in Broad Ripple, I think.They got two comedy clubs there.I think you're one up in Broad Ripple.There's a good sushi joint around the corner from there.
01:19:09Okay, this is what I'm saying.I need calls like these to straighten me the fuck out,to let me know what's crack-a-lackin'.Lou, you coming in with me?Sure.Want to eat some sushi in Indianapolis?Fuck yeah.The flying juice.
01:19:21Hell yeah, we got it all down there.All right, and I'm going to bring some fucking chiba-choos.I'm going to get a mailed in through it.Fetal Express, like the shows.We'll be all fucked up in Indianapolis.We don't need the 500.We don't need the Indianapolis 5-1.We're going to be spinning around in circles
01:19:37on our fucking own, you understand me?I'm right there with you.Well, thank you, brother.Happy New Year.God bless you.Thank you very much for calling.Hey, I'll tell you what, I really like this one-on-oneyou and Lee been doing the last few.
01:19:52I like to guess, but I'll tell you, I've been listeningfrom day one and the growth between you twoand the banter and the chemistry that you guys got going on now.It's just, it's very entertaining.I tell you, I've almost put in a ditch too many times,driving less than laughing my ass off.No, Lee's a funny dude.Thank you very much for the call, man.
01:20:14Happy New Year.Thank you for being a fucking soldier.A fucking soldier, Cuck Sector.Let's see this one.Yo!Yo, Joey, what's up?You got me over here on the Pay No Mind List.I'm over here waiting for you, Cuck Sucker.
01:20:31You're sitting there.What's up, brother?What's up, man?What's up, Lee?Hey, buddy, what's your name?My name is Crockett from West Tennessee.What's up, baby?How far are you from Bradford?
01:20:45Probably about 30, 40 minutes.Really?Yeah.What's the fucking fried chicken placeon the way to Bradford?Lucy's?Lee's.What is it?
01:20:56Lee's and Myles.Oh, my god.Oh, my god.It's pretty good, ain't it?Fucking delicious.Fucking world class on a road with nothing else.Yeah.No Starbucks, no nothing.
01:21:09Lee's fucking fried chicken.I got spicy.Oh, my goodness, Lee.It's worth taking a flight.That's how good it is.What's going on?What do you do for work out there?I'm actually unemployed right now.
01:21:22I graduated in the summer.Oh, right.Where'd you graduate from?In Martin, the Tennessee University.All right, UT Martin.That's where my niece is going.I taped them the other night.I taped them the other night for my wife.
01:21:39They were playing on ESPN.They're making shit happen in UT Martin.Yeah, it's a really nice university.Yeah, my niece is a freshman.But the other day, the men were playing,and I was scrolling to the channels,and the game came out at midnight.I taped the next night, and I got a surprise for you.
01:21:55She goes, what?I go, watch this.She goes, that's a UT Martin.Oh, my god, the boys team.They're doing well this year, so.What the fuck do you think people think you're dealing with?I cover everything from Tennessee.To UT Martin.
01:22:07To UT Martin.I don't fuck around.To selling coke at a halfway house?That's right.I'm telling you, I'm international.I've been telling fucking Lee for years.In an hour and a half.That's right, man.
01:22:17What do you think, what kind of degree did you get?Finance.All right, you always get a job with that.Now you got to learn how to speak Spanishand go to South America.That's where the D. Gevis is.These fucking Gentiles, they got no money.You got to go to South America, hang out
01:22:31with some fucking Colombians.Steal Moriaga's money.Take that shit back to Tennessee, open up a go-go bar.Next to the fried chicken place.Yeah.All right, man, well, I was back there.You know, I did Jackson.I did the comedy club in Jackson.
01:22:49Yeah, I didn't get a chance to make it out there,but I was following on Twitter and saw that you were in Jackson.And then, again, in Paducah, Kentucky,I don't live too far from there either.Yeah, no, I go all over there when I visit my in-laws.I like to see the people, I like to meet the people.Last time I was in Paducah, I just put it on Facebookand some kid put me in a coffee shop.
01:23:10I didn't get paid or anything.I just went to the fucking show, you know?And if I'm going to be there, I might as well get to meet you guysand see you guys.You guys will never come out here to visit us.So what the fuck?I'm going to Delaware this year.I'm going to visit my brother.
01:23:26And I'm trying to get a comedy show in Delawareby Ocean City, Maryland, you know?He lives in, I'm going to fly into Salisbury.And, you know, they got nothing there.I called and talked to him again the other day.But I'm trying, because I just don'twant to go there for three days and not do comedy.You know, in Delaware is Delaware.
01:23:43I mean, it's where boredom was invented.But there's got to be three people who listen to podcasting,you know?Yeah.So that's where I stand, brother.But I'm happy you called in.You're a fucking savage.I hope you get a fucking job, cocksucker.
01:23:59We'll get you something to finance degree.You got to get out there.Get up to Nashville.We'll go work for a crack there.Happy New Year, brother.Thanks for calling in.Thank you for the love always.Happy New Year.
01:24:09You got it.Where you been, Doug?I'm over here waiting like patients on a fucking monument.What's up, Joey?What's up, baby?How's it going, man?You know, over here, stone with Lisa Yat.Try to tell me he wants to eat another edible.
01:24:26No, I don't.Where you calling from?Where you calling from, my brother?I'm calling from Savannah, Georgia.Oh, shit.What's your name, brother?Jerry.What's up, Larry?
01:24:37I'm trying to get back to Atlantato see you fucking savages.But the one club doesn't want to put me on there.The other one's too small.You know how we do it.Yeah, dude, I saw you in Denver.I live in shit.All right, so we had a good time at the improv.
01:24:55Yeah, yeah, Thursday night.All right, crazy, man.Yeah, we had a good time.Yeah, I loved it, dude.I love y'all.Love what y'all doing, man.You fucking, you live in Savannah full time?No, I live in Denver.
01:25:12I'm out here visiting for Christmas, man.Oh, OK.What the fuck?You just said Denver.You got me all confused talking about Savannah.I'm thinking you're over there eating peach cobbler.You know, you're from Denver, then.You live in fucking Denver.
01:25:25You're fucking tremendous.I love you.What's happening, brother?Yeah.What's happening?What kind of work are you doing in Denver?I'm not saying I love you, man.I don't think you get through, man.
01:25:34Love your shit.Oh, we try.Listen, we're trying real hard hereto just be a blue collar, regular guy type podcast.Sometimes it's informative.Sometimes it's silly.Sometimes it's funny.You know, we're not going to give you
01:25:48the same flavor every day.But tonight, we just want to talk to you.Yeah, tell us about how you ate mushrooms in Boulder, man.Oh, my god.I love all that stuff.The first time I ever ate mushrooms wasn't in Boulder.It was in Snowmass Village for the July weekend.I went out Friday night and I did a little blow.
01:26:07I like, I fucked up and I hooked up with some girl.They didn't have sex, but woke up in fucking Aspenthe next day and hitchhiked downto the bottom of Snowmass Village.I'm waiting down there.It's the 4th of July.I'm waiting on the bottom of Snowmass Villageand the Jeep makes a fucking right turn
01:26:24and it's coming my way and he pulls over.It's John Denver.Oh, my god.As you go up to the top of the hill and I go, yeah.And I get in.I don't say nothing for about five minutesand I go, Mr. Denver, is this really happening?And he goes, yeah, it happens all the time.
01:26:39I get people rides all the time, you know.Well, I went to the creek side.I went to the creek side.My roommate, I had just lived there.I had just moved to Snowmass Friday morning.I set my room up, got dressed.And me and my roommate went out to Aspen.We both ended up getting fucked up.
01:26:58But he had a ride or something.I missed a bus.There's only one bus.I had a quailude, something.Who fucking knows?The next morning when I go over there, he goes,I'm leaving, but here you have the apartment all to yourself.And I left you some mushrooms.
01:27:13I'd never eaten mushrooms in Jersey.We ate acid.We ate micro-dot acid.So I ate the little stem and I fucking walked overto this little bridge.And I just sat by the bridge and looked at the water.It was fucking tremendous.But then after about 30 minutes,
01:27:29then after about 30 minutes, I had diarrhealike a motherfucker.So I went back to the apartmentand that green acid diarrhea came out of my assholelike that little, you know, when that diarrhea goes,it sees like a soda machine.All it needs is, you would have that.Yeah, yeah, you throw that all the way in your gut.
01:27:45And mushrooms are great for meuntil I start getting diarrhea and then it's all over.Then I'm sitting in the bathroom tripping,looking at toilet paper.Yeah, yeah.Did you eat some chocolate shrines recently?I heard you talking about it on here.Yeah, I spiked Lee.
01:27:59I gave Lee a dose.I dosed Lee.I told Lee to eat it.I thought it was marijuana.It is marijuana.I liked it because I didn't start hallucinating.So it was just kind of like a mild weed.Yeah, you got the Christ, I love you guys.
01:28:16At least they gave me a pound of it.I would have fucking gave Lee a half of itand then told him it was mushrooms.After I put it away, let's ziplin' them.I would have put ziplin' on fucking.That's what Lee needs.Now I'm taking it to the other side,like the boys.
01:28:29Oh no, it's terrible.Do you get high?He lives in Denver.I think he does.He walks around, he gives out candy.But putting on that music freaks me out.You do that to me all the time.I have to do it too.
01:28:39You make me put it on the headphones.We're gonna put music on time, Nicole.We're going crazy down lower can, 90 and shit.You know how we do it.My brother Denver, I love you.Happy New Year.Thank you for being a soldier.What's your first name again?
01:28:52Jared, J-A-R-E-D, love you man.Jared, thank you very much for calling.I love you.Thank you for watching this showand for being a part of it, man.Do you want to do a couple more?Yeah.What's up dog?
01:29:06Matt, Slaver.What's up my brother?Where the fuck you been?What's happening man?I'm over here.Oh shit.Hey buddy.It's an honor to be on man.
01:29:16This is Sean over in East Harlem.What's up, East Harlem, New York?Yeah man.God damn Sean, I fucking love you, bad motherfucker.You're over there in Harlem smoking that chocolateBuddha thai, getting Chinese delivery.Indeed man, I'm 112th in second man.Oh my god.
01:29:36And I've been living up here for about 11 years nowand it's just funny.I've heard you on various podcasts beforejust referenced like certain, you know,couple streets and corners up here.And sometimes when I walk around I just think,I wonder if Joe Ideas has come through this spotat some point.
01:29:55Oh my god.If you could drop like a funny East Harlem story on me.Well, I had an aunt that lived onwhere the mouth of the park was 113th and fifth.Does that make sense?Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.Okay, and I'm not lying to you.You know, I don't know if you know this.
01:30:14I don't know if you're from that area.In the mid seventies, that area was the real deal.Like this area, there's people who say to you,you know what, when you go there,don't go out at night, nothing happens.At this place, shit went on at night.I've made a handful of friends around here,just, you know, people who are around.
01:30:37I mean, even in the, you know, 80s, 90sand just we're talking about how different it is now.It's a funny thing.I mean, it's even different.I got here in 2002 and it's different now from,you know, from the way it was then,which is I can't even imagine how drasticit must have been back then.
01:30:53How is it now?It's cool, man.It's, it is a little different.I, I like it in the people mostly minor on business,but I was always looking to put a word on it.And then you started saying jet piles.I heard it from you.And it kind of makes sense.
01:31:10You're starting to see,I mean, we're getting crazy out of here after a while.I mean, we live not far, like right up the streetfrom like Jefferson projects area.Okay, now where'd you grow up originally?I'm from Lehigh Valley to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.Okay, yeah.I had a buddy who went to East Stroudsburg too.
01:31:27So I, the stories you told me about East Stroudsburgmade me laugh as well.Now Lehigh was the big wrestling college.Yes. Back in the day, I mean, big, big.That's where you went with you were five, four and shorter.Yes. Yeah.Lehigh area partied up there a lot, man.It's a, yeah.
01:31:45So I moved up here to get into a audio recording.And I got into that, that was based,that's been my gig for the past 10 years.And I'm in a position,I actually teach at an audio recording school.And your podcast, man, I got to be honest,there's times where I will totally take the,it's contagious when you just yell get up to see,
01:32:07you know, it's a funny, simple thing,but I'm in a position sometimes where I'm in a room full of,you know, young people who just need to hear somethingthat simple.You've said many times about, you know,if you just tuned into the basic CNN or whateveron the news in the morning,how fucking depressing it would be.
01:32:29And you guys just, you know,take a different angle and it's much more positive.Sometimes people just need to hear, you know, get up.So I just wanted to let you guys know,I totally get, you know, the,I'm, it's cool to see the consistency, man.You guys have, you know, never, never slipping.Like you're on Twitter every day and everything.
01:32:50It's cool to, you know,a lot of people need to hear that shit sometimes.I love you guys as much as I help you guys,you guys have, I've learned from you.I've learned so much from you.I try to be better for you guys.I try to do, I try to lose weight.I try to do anything I can to show you that we,
01:33:11nobody can tell you can't do anything.I'm sick of fucking rules.There's no rules, man.There's no fucking rules.Yeah, even, even leave, man.It's funny to see, it's awesome to see, you know,the way he, he's running shit now.You know, it's different.
01:33:26I've been in it since the first one, man.I remember when I followed the Beauty and the Beast podcastand you did, I think, was that last episodewith Tom Drieson?One of those.Yeah, Tom Drieson.I remember I heard that and I was just like,God damn, that was a fucking good podcast.
01:33:41And then it kind of just tapered off.I was like, what happened?And I saw on Twitter, you were doing your own thing, man.I was, I've been, I've been listeningsince the first episode.I may have missed a few moments here or there,but I've definitely gotten a pieceof probably almost every podcast, man.
01:33:56It's like I said, consistency.It's something that a lot of people, you know,you always talk about your word and shit like that.And it's like I said, a lot of young peopleneed to hear it these days.And it's cool that that's what you guys put forthall the time.You know, I got a great co-captain.
01:34:15I got a 26 year old co-captain that once a week,I go, this fucking kid has never even called in sick.Like if this was turned around and I was 26,I would have fucking never showed up like the 10 of them.Like I would have snored a coke.I mean, the animals alone, I mean, there's timeswhere I'll have a panic attack for him.Yeah.
01:34:40You know, just listening.It's hard to complain about animals.I mean, it is fun when it's happening.It's just too much sometimes.Hahaha.Hahaha.I'm sitting here.No, but it's awesome, man.
01:34:52I'm sitting here in envy of you.I'm sitting here because you're living in a great place.Like I know a lot of people.People call them from.An interesting ride here, man.People call them from Montana and New Orleansand just the different people.I'm sitting here fucking all tonight.
01:35:11I'm really in awe tonight.And you know, it's a city and and now you you're in East Harlem.That was an area that people were trying to get out of.Like a hundred and fifteen fit was horribly.I was, I would be scared to go there.Like I'm from Boston.I went to New York thousands of times on those buses.And like I started to look to go maybe live there.
01:35:33I would never live in Harlem.I've heard horror stories.That's cool.It's, it's funny because, you know, there's,I mean, Joe, you've you've you've been to like Easton, Pennsylvania.You know, I mean, you said I know you said you part in EastStroudsburg way back in the day, but East Stroudsburg, Wilkes-Barry.Oh, my God.
01:35:52Pennsylvania is a fucking great state at the end of the week.It really is.Right.At first, it's funny, though.Now, if you go to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, like I.Oh, my God.I always joke that shit is like back to the future, too,because when I was moving away out of that area,
01:36:09it was just abandoned steel mills.And you go back now and it's like the fuck it.There's the casino there.So the whole area that I grew up has completely changed.It's it's it's just surreal when you go back there now.But yeah, it's funny, man.I up in Harlem, you can, you know, I've never really had much of a problem.There's definitely, you know, you got to be aware of your surroundings and shit.
01:36:33But it's just funny.There's these little offshoot neighborhoods, even in P.A.Now it's just, I mean, 10 times worse.You hear some of the stories there.It's just like, oh, I'm glad I live in East Harlem.Actually, it sounds, you know, I guess a little more rough than it is.But for the most part, people are nice here, mind their own business.You know, what did you tell your mom in East Bethlehem
01:36:54when you were moving to East Harlem when she freaked out?Well, she said because before we before I moved, I used to hang out.You know, there's not a whole lot to do in that area of I mean,I guess there's more than a lot of places, but like Allentown, Pennsylvania area.And it's like, if you went out in Allentown enough, you'll feel run into somesome problem, even if you're not looking for it.You know, there's a lot of shady areas there.But New York's Manhattan, for the most part, I mean, you're, you're a
01:37:23it's a pretty smooth ride.If you, you know, the further you get up into Harlem, obviously, it's, you know,as you take it, you know, you'd take a risk up there.But I mean, I walk my dog all hours of the night, never had a problem.Now, how long to take it?What do you do to get into Manhattan?What kind of train do you take?Well, I I'll get on the sixth train and I work down just below Union Square.
01:37:47So if I'm traveling, I mean, I got family in Virginia, Philadelphia,most of my family's all Philadelphia area.So I'll just talk right on an Amtrak or like Jersey transit or something.But yeah, man, that's that's the one thing about living in the city is, you know,I don't have to have a car.But at the same time, I just got over, you know, I don't know howlots of car running and shit, just getting around over the holidays,which is kind of a pain in the ass.
01:38:13But yeah, man, Manhattan is a cool spot.He's tall and I love you, man.Thank you for calling in.Listen, Happy New Year.And I'll see you at Gotham one one of the clubs.Definitely, man.I was there two years ago.I'll I'll see you again next time around.
01:38:28I love you, man.I thank you very much for the love and the support always stay black and staydefinitely. Thanks to you guys.You've got to close the window.Close the window.What's up?Where you been?What's up, Uncle Joey?
01:38:45What's up, my brother?Go on, that's you.I keep it in Mexico.Oh, shit.Where are you?Time.I go.I'm in LA, on the border between Texas and Mexico.
01:38:59No, shit.Shit, you're not just crazy.But fuck it, you got to live somewhere.Now, have I talked to you on Facebook or Twitter?I don't think so.I don't think I'm really active on Twitter.Any of that.I got too much shit to do.
01:39:14Now, are you on?Are you close to Brownsville?Are you or this is Brownsville?No, I'm about two hours away from Brownsville.I'm in Laredo. Laredo.OK, that's where Jerry Roach is from, right?So it's in Texas, not Mexico.Right. OK.
01:39:29OK, that's where you're in.All right, what's going on down there for work?What are you doing?No, well, I'm actually I'm down here for the holidaysvisiting the family.I go to college up in Denton, University of North Texas.OK.But to call the but but yeah, I just want to say I'm a huge fan.
01:39:45I love everything you do.I try to convert all my friends to the church.They're all loving it.But I I've always wanted to ask if you always talk about howyou were your own worst enemy and you got in the way of yourselfand the self sabotage.Cannot feel on the same way, you know, you know,that weird crazy Latin thing in the head and under how do you really
01:40:06kind of how did you stop yourself again in your own way?If I may ask, I know maybe you talked about it a million times,but I feel, you know, I need I need to ask, you know, Joe.You know, Papa, I took responsibility.It's it's it's so fucking crazy.It's so fucking crazy how one thingcould generate ten things to go wrong.I'll give you an example.
01:40:31And this happens in life to guys like us.This fucking happens where you're supposed to get up at eight thirty.You're supposed to leave for work at eight thirty,but you went out the night before and got your dick suckedand you left at nine.And as you go to make a right turn, now your car gets hit.You know, now you get towed because you didn't pay a parking ticket.You know, and then you go to yourself.
01:40:54How come things happen to me?Well, if you would have got up at eight thirty and not gone outthe night before, you would have avoided all that.I just stuck to the rules.I stuck to the book.Self sabotage. Oh, my God.And when you see it happening in the news, when you see somebody do it,you go, oh, my God, that fucking guy had everything.
01:41:17It's it's the worst thing.I did it for years.I still do it. I still do it when things are too good.We always put our foot in our mouthbecause I don't I'm lying to you.I haven't done it in a while.But it was a point where things were when things are going too good.I'd have to do something.
01:41:37Yeah, that's what I feel all the time.I feel I maybe it's the weird Catholic thing, because I was, you know,the Mexican hardcore Catholic where I almost, you know, you feel guiltyof everything's too good.So you got to fuck up a little bit just to get back down.And I, you know, I don't know why.And I feel like my friends are the same thing.All my my ideals and primos kind of the same bullshit.
01:41:56You know what I mean?It's a but it's a cycle.It's a cycle, pop.It's a fucking cycle that we keep, you know, you know, it's like when I live in L.A.Everybody's always 15 minutes late.Oh, the 405, I fucking know that.And you know, the 405 is packed.Why don't you leave a fucking hour ago?
01:42:15Now I got to go.So the meeting is a fucking one.But all those little things is things that keep you off track and self-sabotized.So when you're trying to get back, you have to do everything by the fucking rules.If you're supposed to pay the light bill, you know, how for years, you know,everything is going good, you're supposed to pay the light bill.But some girl told you to meet her at the bar and you buy a grandma blow.And now you got a coke rocking the pussy.
01:42:40And now you don't have money for the fucking light bill.You know, after a while, you go, fuck it, I'm going to pay the light bill.On the second that's when it's due.So it's everything.We got to be on point for everything.And after a while, you start practicing it.I'll tell you the simplest one.You want me to tell you the simplest one?
01:42:59Do you know how many fucking planes I missed?Living in Atlanta.From 2002, 2002 to 2006, guys.You don't be fucking planes.I missed. Why?Because I actually thought that if my plane left at eight,I could leave my house at seven.And because I don't know why they would let me in because I was good looking.
01:43:25They were going to let me through the line and I kept missing flights.And you know what?I don't miss flights no more because it becomes contagious.Once you start doing the right thing all the time, then you go, you know what?So if I do it this way and there's no drama,why would I do it that other way and have drama?And that just applies to a lot of things, Papa.So just thank you so.
01:43:54Oh, I'm sorry.I'm sorry to interrupt disrespectful.But thank you so much, Joey.Thank you. Thank you.Thank you, my brother. Happy New Year.Happy New Year. Happy New Year.Thank you for calling, man.I know you're busy over the holidays.
01:44:05Thank you, my brother.All right.You're welcome.You too, brother.What's happening?Oh, shit, son.Oh, shit, son is right.You bad motherfucker.
01:44:18Talk to me.Holy fuck.Hey, this is boss from up in Minnesota.Freezing my balls off.How are you doing that?I was telling tell the rest of tell the rest of thesepussy what the weather is up there tonight.It's might as something, man.
01:44:31No, always, always.Right now, fucking February will be 30 minus 30 minus 18.That type of shit.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You should leave California dream, brother.California dream in Asia.So you should move away from that.Thinking about it, thinking about it.
01:44:50Anyways, I got a dirty cock sucker story for you.You guys got a minute?Hit me, hit me.OK, here we go.I did like 22 years in the Air Force.I spent a lot of time over in Japan.There's a base over there called Kadena.They got three fighter squadrons there.
01:45:07The 12th fighter squadron, the 44th and the 67th.One is the dirty dozen, the 12th.The 44th is the vampire bats.The suckers.And the 67th is the fighting cock.So over my 22 years, I only made it the cock sucker.But there's a few people out therethat can call themselves real dirty cock suckers.
01:45:32So what do you think they are?There's a few, but not many.How long were you in Air Force for?22 years, my brother?22 years, a little over 22.Where were you stationed?Japan, Alaska, Florida, Japan, Korea, Japan.You are a dirty cock sucker.
01:45:51You got to let those Koreans sucky fucky.They gave you massages.They stuck a finger up your ass.You don't even do colonoscopies no more.So you retire after 20.You retire after 22 years, correct?Yeah, yeah, yeah.I'm going to ask you a few questions now.
01:46:06And you receive a pension.And you receive a pension, correct?Second.You receive a pension, correct?Yeah, yeah, yeah.And then now you pick up another joband you have full benefits.So that means you and your family have insurance,
01:46:20life insurance.If you want to go back to school,you have all these benefits available to you, correct?Yeah, a little bit of benefits.It's not so bad.Jesus fucking Christ.My two cousins aren't it.My cousin was at Katina, Katina for two years.
01:46:34And the other one just got certified to do the midand like the in-air fueling.And he's going to like Hawaii.He's going all over the world.My other cousins, she was just in.She was in England.Yeah, if you get on one of those refuelers,you're everywhere, brother.
01:46:47Yeah.But my other cousin literally just got backlike a month ago from like,I don't know, somewhere in the Middle East,they're like taking down the bases.So she was there for like six or seven months.I've always wondered what my life would have been likeif I wouldn't have been a pussy
01:47:02and taken the blood test more when I was 17.Hey, go out there and find out Uncle Joy.There's a lot of military loves your show,loves the stuff you do.Go out there and do some USO shows.No, it's not even that.I always felt guilty about not being in the service.And I have friends that I'm very jealous of them.
01:47:21I'm very jealous that somebody would be getting a checkonce a month, benefits at 40, 41, 42, 43 maybe.And now they go get other jobs in the security fieldand they're making six figuresand they still get the fucking pension.Everybody's happy.And I'm not saying that, you know,it's just a great commitment.
01:47:40And people go, well, you tried doing 20 years,being around a bunch of assholes, you know?And then you see how fast, how fast did 20 years go, brother?Tell these young kids.How fucking fast does 20 years go?It's a blink of an eye.Unbelievable.Like you're like, oh my God, 10 years just went by.
01:47:59Fuck it, I'll fucking smoke pot for another three.And all of a sudden you're done.What kind of work are you doing now?Actually, I'm just doing some part time dishwasherat a local VA hospital here.Just making sure my brother's over thereat the hospital eat right every day.Well, brother, thank you for calling in.
01:48:20Thank you for visiting the country and thank you.Just thank you and Merry Christmas and happy new year.And thank you for being a part of our lives, man.You guys are great.I am so happy to have, I did this episode with Lee.Oh yeah, it was great.It was great to have you.I've been a lot of time punching numbers,
01:48:37but I'm glad you and Mr. Sy at there do that for us.Appreciate the call in.And yeah, happy new year, happy Hanukkah holidays,all that and see you in 2015.All right, brother, thank you for the call.All right, take it easy.You too.All right, man.
01:48:54Okay.This person is a weirdo.Hit me.What's up, baby?Yo, what's going on, Joey?I can't call it, man.I'm sorry we kept you waiting.Lee's fucking around tonight, he's a little high.
01:49:06So he forgot to press the buttons.He goes, this poor fucking guy's been herefor 35 minutes.What's up, brother?Yo, what's going on?Yo, I'm calling from China, man.This is pretty wild.Oh, you're a channel.
01:49:16Oh shit, what are you doing in China, bro?Yeah, I'm a white dude.I'm an American, but I work over hereand using my office phone right now to call you guys.And have a California number.Yeah, yeah, we're an LA company.So we got one of these Cisco IP phones.So we can use like my LA company's number
01:49:35through the internet.Oh, okay.How long have you been out there for?I've been here about six years.And what kind of job is it?I work in media, like sort of like YouTube stuff for China,but YouTube's blocked.So there's all sorts of like Chinese video platforms
01:49:51we work with.How did you get involved in this?This sounds interesting as fuck.Yeah, I studied Chinese in collegeand I used to teach over hereand I've always been in the media and video stuff.So I started working with this company a couple of years agoand manage a bunch of talent in China
01:50:09and produce some videos and stuff like that.So it's pretty wild.It's pretty good.Where are you from originally?From Maryland.Damn, you missed the crab cakes or fuck that shit.Yeah, I fucking missed the crab.They got crabs here,
01:50:24but they fucking blow compared to the Maryland crabs.Yeah, they got that cancel water off the fucking,they got that Ebola water and shit.You can't get that nowhere else.You know, when I was in Baltimoreand I was in Baltimore this year, you know, Ebola was hotand I was telling them,that's where I started saying that joke.
01:50:41I'm like, you know,the rest of the country's worried about Ebola.I hope you people in Maryland are worried about Ebola.You eat those fucking crabs.Yeah, we're not fucking worried.They're fucking cancel water,there's hands in there and that water and shit,that fucking harbor.
01:50:55What's his name?What's the guy that has the barbecue place at the stadium?I don't even know, man.Toby Keith?No, the fucking thought.What if I hit you in the head with this fucking water?Why would Toby Keith have a barbecue place?He hasn't in Boston.
01:51:13Well, I'm going about the Baltimore fucking whatever.He's a dusty baker.I don't know what his fucking name is.Anyway, it doesn't matter.What kind of food do you eat out there?They got good Chinese food out there,nothing like American.Of course, they got good Chinese food.
01:51:25They got those egg rolls and shit like New Jersey.Do they?Yeah, they got better egg rolls out here, I'd say.Do they really?You have a Chinese girlfriend?No, I got an American wife.Okay, no worries.You still got a Chinese girlfriend?
01:51:40I just had a kid, actually.I wanted to ask you, what are some good activitiesto do when you're high and you're watching your kid?How old is the child?He's about six weeks old.Oh yeah, just put him on your armand look straight ahead.He ain't going nowhere for six fucking months.
01:51:57You could be stoned to the fucking gillsand put them on your neck like a fucking,what's those animals you put on your neck, gerbils?I don't fucking know, no, no, yeah, parrot too.No, you're talking about the minks.Yeah, whatever the fuck you call it.The ferrets, ferrets, ferrets.I saw a guy once with a ferret.
01:52:14My brother used to put a ferret in his hooded sweatshirt.Fucking disgusting, but hey man,congratulations on the birth of your child.This is the first one?I think the gauge.First one?Say it again?First child?
01:52:32First child, yeah.Congratulations, brother.Nah, six weeks, you smoke a fucking number,wash your hands real well, sit down,and have your wife just put his headinto the crease of your fucking elbowand just put on whatever the hell you're watchingand enjoy, because in a year,
01:52:50you won't have that remote control no more.I don't even have a remote.There's two remote controls.She just comes over and grabs them from me now.And the Rook, we gotta hide that motherfucker.She goes crazy, so enjoy this time.And yeah, it's a great time in your life.And I'm happy you're in China.
01:53:09Look at you, bad motherfucker.Did you go see Ari when he was there this summer?Yeah.I did see Ari, yeah.That's so cool.Bad motherfucker, that's so cool.Oh my God, and how is it?Were there a lot of Chinese people in the room
01:53:21or just Americans?It was a pretty mixed crowd.A number of Chinese, but a lot of Americans, Europeans.There's actually, there's kind of a burgeoning comedy scenehere.A lot of comedians are coming over from the US and UK.Well, I'll tell you what.We're hoping the church will come over here too.
01:53:37Once fuckin' they lift this one in Seattle,Papa will be on his way to Minghou.Oh, it'll be the first one in China.Wait, what, he got a mouse in your pocket?I ain't taking it to China.I'm going to China.I ain't taking it to China, cock sucker.They got dumplings and stuff.
01:53:49You ain't going to China.You gotta bring the flying Jew over here.He ain't allowed over there.He's Israeli.They gotta deal with the fuckin' Chinese people.You can't be Israeli.Give the other callers a chance.So nice talking to you guys.
01:54:02Hey man, I appreciate the call.Very interesting.I love you.Stay black and stay beautiful.Have a great time with your child.All right, peace.Thank you.You got it, brother.
01:54:12All right, let's see here, this one.What's up?What's up?Yo, talkin' to the phone.This ain't the FBI.It's Uncle Joey.Oh, shit, Uncle Joey, am I on line?Oh man.
01:54:28Dog, who the fuck you think you're dealingwith some fuckin' novice here?No novice.You call, you're called.That the way I enter the phone way.This ain't some fuckin' company, this ain't Sprint.That was a fucking call.They all fucked, really?
01:54:41What's up, brother?Where you callin' from, buddy?Where you callin' from?It's an honor to talk to you on the phone, man.Fuck all that nonsense.Where you callin' from, brother?Reno, Nevada.Oh, shit.
01:54:52It's in parks, actually.And what's your name?I'm gonna catch you tomorrow.What's up, buddy?How are you?Yeah, I'm not just here at my house.It's my birthday, actually, today.Happy birthday.
01:55:01See, it's an honor talking to you, you bad motherfucker.I'm honorin' him.I'm a felon.He's a Jew.He should've been an attorney.He fucked up.And now look at him.He's sitting here with us.
01:55:10How you doin', Lee?How you doin', man?Pretty good.My name's Arturo, by the way.Arturo, what's happening, my brother?What kind of work you do up there, Reno?He works at the Bunny Ranch.Oh, he does work at the Bunny Ranch?
01:55:21No.Oh.Do you?I got a Mustang Ranch close by.I've been there one time.Was it cool?Yeah, I met a black chick named Vivica.I had a good time.
01:55:33My friend actually talked me into it,but it's my friend.It was a good experience.Did they lick your asshole?Oh, no, shit, why are you laughing too long,Lee?You started freaking out.Yeah, you gotta pay the extra 20, though.
01:55:46It only took me a year for an hour.The extra 20, I'll tongue that little muffler out.Oh, you better help me out, man.Arturo, I'll tongue that fucking muffler.You'll be hearing Spanish music in your head,you understand?Oh, shit.I actually played drums, actually, too.
01:56:00Okay, and that's what you do for a living?Yeah, actually.That's what you do for a living, my brother?Oh, well, I've been doing it.It's one of my passions, sir.Just one passion I have.What do you do for a living?I've been holding on for a while.
01:56:12What do you do for a living, Arturo?I work at a warehouse, actually.Okay, you're putting the pieces together.Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go to college soon.I'm still thinking major.I'm interested in a lot of stuff,listening to you and Rogan's podcast,all the other comedians, they look me up a lot,
01:56:32and just put the pieces on the table for me,and I just want to make good choices and good heart,everything I learned from you guys, it's amazing.You sound like a nice kid, man, and you're young and...Yeah, really nice.Listen, bro, you got the world by itself.I don't have a father figure,so I'm all over the place and stuff.
01:56:52All right, well, Lee's gonna be a stepfather figure.How's that?Lee's a stepfather.And I'll be your uncle figure, and I'll be your uncle figure.You see, I'm saying, brother, it all works out, Arturo.Yeah.Having a father's overrated,you're gonna have Lee for a part-time fucking dad.
01:57:06He's Jewish, you're telling him.I'll go hang out with some edibles.Yeah, yeah, yeah, Arturo, Arturo,you sound like a nice kid.Everything works out, my brother.You got a good heart, you're doing the right thing,you're not out there fuckin' manipulative.So you gotta do, spread the love, man, all back.
01:57:20That's all you could do, man, we try it here every day.This has been very interesting talking to you guys,so I love you, Arturo.I'm gonna go back up to Reno.Don't forget to go see Felipe this week, I sucka.Oh yeah, I'll just, I'll give him some candy, too.I got some edibles for him.Okay, don't forget, and tell him Uncle Joey sent you, right?
01:57:38Joe, man, like a doctor.I love you, all my heart.You too, happy new year.Happy Joey.Thank you.Two things.Yo, what's up?Hey.
01:57:51What's going on?Where you been, dawg?Over here, waiting on your call.Oh, I'm sorry about that.I'm calling you from a truck stop in Kansas City,so my internet's a little slow out here.Jesus Christ, a truck stop in Jersey City.No, no, Kansas City.
01:58:06Kansas City.All right, don't buy the meth.I bought meth there at that truck stop one time.They sold me fuckin' vanilla ice cream.Don't buy the fuckin' meth in Kansas City, cocksucker.What's going on, brother?How are you?I'm good, I'm just traveling.
01:58:21I'm a driver, and usually I'm not up this late,but New Year's tomorrow and all that,so I thought I'd get to church live tonight,and so you can call in.So I thought I'd call in, but you know,I saw you back in 08.You opened for Rogan at the Addison Improv,and I've been a fan ever since.
01:58:41Man, thank you.That was a long time ago.That's a good fuckin' club.Yeah, yeah, I caught all the beauty in the beast,and I've been pretty religious on the church.I haven't missed one yet.Man, you're the real fuckin' deal.Thank you very much.
01:58:56But yeah, you guys keep me company on the road.You know, I travel all over the country and stuff like that,so I just want to call and say, you know, thank you.You go coast to coast?No, mostly east of Colorado and east.Okay.I call beer.You call beer?
01:59:19I call beer, Frank.Yeah, beer.Okay, fuck yeah, that's a good job.Do you like it?Yeah.Because I loved, when I drove across country a few times,I loved it.I always thought it'd be cool.
01:59:28Do you enjoy it?I do, and I didn't at first, I thought it was kind of crappy,because I lost my job in the insurance company,and I got into this as kind of a fallback job,because it was easy.And I remember you talking about that on a podcast,you said that might be, you know,some of you would be interested in,
01:59:46I mean, of course you're not going to do it,but yeah, I actually enjoy it.I mean, you know, one day I'm in New Hampshire,eating lobsters, and then the next day I'm,you know, I'm heading down into Orleans,eating whatever's down there,and then I'm banging some chicken cans of city,and you know, it's just, it's kind of fun.
02:00:02I live on the road with my dog,and I got a storage unit in St. Louis,where I keep a truck, you know, like a pickup truck,so I go to, you know, baseball games and stuff like that.So, I mean, at first I didn't like it,but I got to be honest with you, I kind of like it.Yeah, it sounds like it could be fun,just going all, like, well, you did enjoy it on the bus.
02:00:22How old do you know?I'm, well, on my birthday's Friday, I'll be 32.Yeah, you're a young man, that's fucking, that's a party.You still don't get a hammer or a dvd, you just sit there,you eat good, you stretch, you know,you do some yoga on the road, you got the dog with you.Yeah, you know, it's funny, I got cattle bells in here,because I listened to you guys,
02:00:42and I just got my me and these the other day.So, I mean, I'm listening and I'm getting the products,you guys are up, putting out there,and I have forced protein bars this morning for breakfast.So, I mean, I'm buying all the stuff, feeling good,trying to, you know, I'm listening to what you guys are saying,but yeah, I throw cattle bells around in the truck.You know, sometimes outside the truck,
02:01:01but the truck is big enough,it's like a, like a hormonal wheel,where I can, you know, exercise and do all that stuff, so.But I just want to thank you guys for, for, you know,everything, I mean, I'm not,I don't know what else to say, except thank you, you know.Brother, I'm happy you called.Thank you very much, be safe.
02:01:21I love you and happy holidays,but thank you for all the love and support over the years.All right, yeah, and you guys have a good day.You too, brother.Bye, buddy.All right, I gotta get out of here,I gotta go do a spot at the commie store.I gotta tell you something,
02:01:35this is one of the most funnest podcastsI've had in a long time,talking to all the people from different parts of the country.This is what I wanted it to be.For some people, it might've been annoying.All over the world in China.Yeah, fucking people from China,call who the fuck ever calls you?
02:01:50Fuck suckers from China.But then calling you could like,for some investment, maybe they kidnapped the Iran,they'll trade it for a fucking white shirt or some shit.Anyway, man, I like this.I like doing this. I like you.And I'm gonna try to do these twice a month.Listen, I like doing formats.
02:02:06I like the guests.I like the people calling in.I like myself and Lee.It's how we feel.It's how we roll by every day.We're gonna give you a great show no matter what,or at least we're gonna try to give you a fucking great show.This is what you guys have done for us.
02:02:20You make us be the best podcasts as we can.So thank you, motherfuckers, with all my heart.I wanna give the shout outs I did to all the guys,whether you buy me undies or get a fucking vape penor whatever, you're always helping us out.I wanna thank you guys in the bottom of my heart.Whether it's a Hiddie Sigg or a Dragon TVor a T-shirt, you've gotten to find you stuff.
02:02:44And thank you for always supporting me from day one.Thank you for having his back.We have your back, guys.And this is what we do, Lee, you know?It's pretty awesome, right? Yeah, it's cool.And then we get high and Lee gets fucked upand eats 18-sumway sandwiches.But this is fun, Lee.
02:03:05What else would you be doing?You'd be at home right now doing one on the phone texting.I texted, I pulled out the phone.In the fucking car, listen.I was saying goodbye.He's not in the car two minutes.He's on the phone with her at the house.He's from the fucking apartment door to the car.
02:03:23He's texting about whatever the fuck, the macaroonsor whatever the fuck, you know,that you should just cut her off at the apartment.We'll talk tonight when I get back, that's it.And I texted her one more time.I texted in the car, I'm getting in the car.You get 18,000 calls during the night.I don't get no fucking calls.
02:03:38You always get phone calls.I get phone calls, a call.You've been on the phone with her in the apartment.You walk to the car texting,and then you get in the car and give her another fucking text.And if I don't say nothing to you,you'll text the whole fucking rhyme.Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
02:03:52Yeah, I miss you.Back and forth, let's go eat taco.Gives a fuck.I'll call you when I get back.Bye, bam.The fuck, what type of Jew are you, cocksucker?A good one?2015's gonna be a good year for you guys.
02:04:07Especially if you've been listening to the podcast.Maybe you pick up little things,you learn little things.I mean, I just learned this shit along the fucking way, man.31 years ago, I saw a friend of mineget his ear bit off on fucking New Years by Daddy B,the guy who calls in and I decided,I didn't know what the fuck to decide.
02:04:27I knew I was gonna drink on New Years no more.And we made it to this.But anyway, I wanna thank all our fucking sponsors, you know.On it, they've been with us since day one.Do I believe in on it?Fuck yeah.The strong bone has helped me,the hemp protein shakes have helped me,
02:04:44the hemp protein bars have helped me,the fucking new mood has helped me,the shroom tech has helped me.You know, when I get on planes,when I work more energy, the immune has helped me.So am I not gonna fucking sit hereand tell you it hasn't helped me?Yeah, is it the end all be all?
02:05:01Will you die without it?No, I'm not gonna say that to you.But it's a great fucking product, you know.And then, I like the factthat they give you 100% guarantee on something.Who the fuck does that?American Airlines don't do that,Southwest don't do that.
02:05:14You know, when you give them a supermarkand they give you a shitty fucking chicken,they might give you the $4 back,but if you wait it,they're not gonna give you the fucking $4 back.How do you know it's gonna be a shitty chicken?These motherfuckers don't even give a fuck.Sell them the time you don't like it
02:05:27and they'll send you back your $40 fucking dollars.For the alpha brain.For the alpha brain.Somebody who does that, I gotta do business with them.Because they'll let me know what they gotis the real human, holy field.It's not gonna work for everybody.Maybe your body's a little different, whatever.
02:05:41The testosterone didn't work for me.It made me react differently.My doctor said that for 30 years,only two people had the reaction I had.Everybody's fucking different people.Go to honet.com.Go to honet.com and just look around their web page.That's all I ever ask of you.
02:05:55Just look around.Read what they got to offer you, you know.If you have it down, just order the fucking alpha brain.Start there.If that works for you the next month, try the new mood.If that works for you, try the hemp force protein.But try it.Don't just fucking sit there.
02:06:12Go to honet.com and press in.Church.Boom!C-H-U-R-C-H.And get 10% off your first order,whatever the fuck you ordered.And then you know what you're gonna do?You're gonna do the stay on it program.
02:06:24We need you to stay on it.You give them your credit card,whatever the fuck you wanna give themand they'll mail it to you once a month direct to your door.You don't gotta leave.You don't gotta go to CVS and get protein powder.None of that shit.That's how we roll, all right?
02:06:35So Merry fucking Christmas.Happy new year.It's your start with fucking honet.I am dragon TV.Are you fucking kidding me or what?What are you gonna do tomorrow night?So you're gonna go on, you're gonna get your dick sucked,you're gonna get drunk.
02:06:48You're gonna wake up Thursday morning dehydrated.What are you gonna do?You're gonna binge watch television.Start with a kung fu movie.Why not?Why not?Go learn a fucking flying psychic.Go to Iron Dragon TV.
02:06:59They got all the movies you're looking for.Even if you haven't seen it, just scroll.All I ever ask is for you people to go and lookand then make your fucking decision from there.All right?Go to Iron Dragon TV.See what they got.Whether it's the Jet Lee movies, do they have Jet Lee?
02:07:16I think so.And Jackie Chan, I know.Jackie Chan for sure.The Hitman series, they're not fucking around.Go to Iron Dragon TV, go on there.You like what they got.You get two free movies.What are they pressing?
02:07:26Joey.Joey in the box.You get two free movies.This ain't no hokey dog fucking company.It's gonna be gone.People are nanotech.All right?They sponsored Tim Kennedy.
02:07:36That's what my man was doing.Tuesday, if you're in Las Vegas, you ain't doing dick.On the 7th, at two o'clock.Wednesday, the 7th.Wednesday, the 7th.I'm sorry.It's 2 p.m.2 p.m.
02:07:46Go to CESC, C-E-S show.The Convention Electronic Showcase, correct?Consumer electronic show.Consumer convention.It's booth 1542.That's it.1542.3.Say hello to Tim Kennedy.
02:08:02Ask him about fucking shooting people and shit,dropping grenades on motherfuckers.And he'll let you know it's crack or lacking.But before you do that on Wednesday, do me a favor.Tomorrow, you're gonna be sitting there.Or Thursday, you're gonna be sitting therewatching all, do me a favor.Go to Iron Dragon TV and get two Kenanfu movies
02:08:20on the fucking arm.And your uncle Joey, all right?Who's better than you?I love you, Dave Foley, cocksucker.Number two, Dave Foley owns this thing.He's a bad motherfucker.Me on these.com, while you're sitting therewith those rotten fucking underwears
02:08:34that look like somebody finger-banged youwith a fucking hip finger.Why are you doing that to yourself?What is a hip finger?I don't fucking know, all right?This is not a joke, people.You know what the feeling of?They'll put him ratty old saggy fucking underwear on.
02:08:52You don't get no self-confidence.When your underwear suck dick, you suck dick.Think about it.When your underwear suck, you fucking suck.You're not preppy, you're not jumping up and down.Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.You just fucking exist them like a mook.Do me a favor.
02:09:07I wore my motherfucking me on these today to the park.It was freezing on my house, it's freezing.I went to do kettlebells.I put my me on these on under the fucking shorts.I put a hundred sweatshirts on my balls, my asshole.Everything was nice and warm.It kept it nice, tight, the gluteus muscles.Me on these are tremendous.
02:09:26They just feel good.When I'm working out, I don't have to,I can feel confident that my nut sexnot gonna pop out there like some,you know, some fucking Malukia ball,just waving around like some wrecking ball next,you know, Miley Cyrus' hype behind some fucking tree,jumping up and down, singing songs.
02:09:42You know what I'm saying?You want a nice, fresh underwear.Women like nice, fresh fucking underwear.They don't wanna fucking take your underwears offand there's shit in there and there's skid mark.They wanna know your underwear as a friend.Look at this motherfucker.He's hip, he's got me on these.
02:09:57Go to meondies.com, cut it out.Cut it out, start the new year offwith some nice fucking underwear.Go to meondies.com and press and what, Lee?Joey.Joey, and get 20% off your orderand free delivery to the United States and Canada.Free motherfucking shipping.
02:10:14All right, I think this ends now, tomorrow, today.Stop fucking around.Go to meondies.com right now and press and what?Joey.Oh shit, and get 20% off your orderplus free shipping to Canada or the United States.It all starts with your shoesand your underwear and your nutsack.
02:10:33That's where the confidence comes from.If you're not feeling good around your head,you're fucking, my belt, everything feels bad.Get the most comfortable fucking underwear out there.Meondies.com.All right, I'm not gonna fucking tell you, cut this.Again, all right.Don't make them do it.
02:10:48Don't make me fucking do it.So last week, I'm minding my own businessand I get one of these at the door.Oh no.And I open up the door and there's nobody there.I'm thinking there's a bag of shit on fireand I go to step on it and there's a fucking boxfrom naturebox.com.
02:11:02That's much better than a thing you said.When they say what, they sent me, they sent methe Coco Lamans.They sent me the, you know how I wrote.They sent me the fucking Cinnamon Kernels.They sent me the high oxidant, the Nature Max DAVwith chocolate and cashews and shitand I'm like that.
02:11:19That's delicious.Oh, just fucking, oh, just fucking.I see none of it here.Oh God, it's nothing.You weren't around like, you're reading with the Mexicans.You never told me when there's nature box.I'm telling you right now, five fucking bagsof food they give you for free.
02:11:34Free, free, free, free.I think this ends December 31st.And they pay for shipping.And they pay for shipping.All you gotta do is go to naturebox.comand press in Joey.Joey, tell them what you want.Tell them what you like.
02:11:46Crunchy.Crunchy.Tell them what.The cocoa almonds, the fruits, the gluten-free stuff,the vegan, this shit.Oh, they sent me the plantains.Ooh.The South Pacific plantains.
02:11:59So plantains, the high energy mix, which is like chocolate.It was like, can't ask you, almond, stuff like that.They sent me the candy corn, the currently cornwith the cinnamon swirl.Delicious.I didn't try that.I'm gonna get it again.Bro, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here?
02:12:15Can you let me give them to me?Please get the cocoa almonds.They're gonna change your whole fucking life.Go to naturebox.com and press in.Joey.And get 20% off.No, no, no, no.Free box.
02:12:25Get a free fucking box sent to your house.You pick it.Sorry about that.Naturebox.com.Listen, on it.Iron Dragon TV, me on these.Nature box.I love you guys.
02:12:37I love the people listening to the podcast.I love the people who called in to like,we're gonna do this again.Thank you very much from the bottom of my heartfor fucking being, making us a fucking podcast.Thank you very much for making us a family.You guys motherfucking rock.Happy New Year C in 2015.
02:12:55Don't forget this ticket's still availablefor tomorrow night.It's a stand-up show, live podcast slash.We're just gonna have a good fucking time.Eight o'clock, you're out of there by 10.January 22nd, Buffalo, Helium.January 29th, the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio.I love you motherfuckers.
02:13:11Stay black.Now that the show's over,don't forget to go to naturebox.comand sign up to get your free sample boxof great tasting, healthy snacks.Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarterwith delicious barbecue Keto kernels.Go to naturebox.com slash joey.
02:13:27That's naturebox.com slash joey.Go to meondies.com slash joeyand look at all the pictures of the men'sand women's underwear they have for you.When you go to meondies.com slash joey,you're gonna get 20% off of your first orderand you're also gonna get free shippingin the United States and Canada.
02:13:44Go to onit.com and use covert church to get 10% offof order of their supplements like apple,brain or new mood.And go to irondragontv.com and use covert joeyto get two free rentals of all the great movies.And again, if you're going to CES in Las Vegas,which is a ton of fun, go to nanotech's booth,booth number 15423.
02:14:08iMake your move.My mobile phone is off the phone.It's fine.Yeah, Dick.The Mac is all on the radio for you.Just go to Mac and make your move.Gonna try and take a little bit of time to talk to you.
02:14:18That's it.One minute.I'm gonna to speak with you.It sounds good.My ears are streaky.That's it.I'm gonna get three quads and my ponies all freshso that's it.
02:14:28That would help my producer and copand for sure, they have it all free in the New Yorktown.So if you want to be happyand just get home, get one.Okay for now.Don't get me in the old, showbiz...Welcome to this nightmare.
02:14:39He's been passed the bill.Tenth bar mass adventure.A case of overkill.He stayed away from day to night.Didn't believe in hell.Never saw the sunrise.Didn't believe in wealth.He wrote the magazine and said
02:14:59it was a wrong show.No one understood him.He just left him alone.No.No.No.No.No.
02:15:43No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.
02:16:01No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.
02:16:17No.No.No.No.No.No.No.It's time to go, it's time to go
02:16:35It's time to go, it's time to goIt's time to go, it's time to goIt's time to go, it's time to goIt's time to go, it's time to goIt's time to go, it's time to goIt's time to goWelcome to his nightmare, he's been cr've the maleIt's time for his adventure, we get his heart in the air
02:17:07Death by his adventureDeath by his adventureDeath by his adventureDeath by his adventureDeath by his adventureGet my residentialGet my residentialGet my residential
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