Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #244 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT...   It’s Monday, May 15, 2023…   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!  Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH   This Podcast is also sponsored by FUGI...  Support the show and get 10% off at https://fujisports.com by using code JOEY, DIAZ or CHURCH at checkout.   Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media:    https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don’t forget.....   The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON:   https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media:   https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

What's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Thursday June the first the joint is here to talk to you cocksuckers today But before we start how about a word from Fuji Gees? Let me tell you something I've been using Fuji Gees Since I started jujitsu The first Gita game was this heavy fucking thing forget it They have ultra lightweight geese that'll change your fucking life They're cheap too, but if you use my code joey Diaz church

Joey you get 10% off, right? So go to Fuji Gees. They got great rash guards They got great sweat shirts and hooded sweatshirts and anything jujitsu based for you The joint is also brought to you by my favorite honor. They were there when we started And they're still there today that tells you the type of company they are From the supplements to the kettle bells to the club bells To anything they have to offer their workouts go to honor.com right now Check out the website check out what they have to offer if you see something you like Pressing fucking church joey joint and get 10% off your order and start your relationship

With honor to make your life stronger. I have and it's banned out for me little by little Let's get this motherfucker started. It's Thursday morning. I miss you cocksuckers You What's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Thursday June the first I'm very sorry. We haven't been on here for a few weeks We had a couple holidays a couple fucking disasters here in our personal lives Mike was in the hospital

for a weekend and then it was Memorial Day weekend and then you know Things just kept getting deeper and deeper, but we're all 100 motherfucking percent on a Thursday morning Everything's been great lately. I've been having a great time. I have not seen the Burt movie or the Sebastian movie yet I see people already torturing them for no fucking reason. They should be very proud about their accomplishment I feel bad, but hey Welcome to the motherfucking movie business

The situation at hand today is us talking about what's going on what the future is basically a couple weeks ago And it had nothing to do with anybody. It was just It's getting rougher to do this It's getting rougher for me to do this We tried it in the house for a while and now You know, I don't know what happened over the over the pandemic But I knew after the pandemic I wasn't the same and I

Listened some people could tell you whatever the fuck they want. I'll tell you how it is I just wasn't the same. I could just feel myself pulling away from Stand up and uh everything else You know when I moved here, I wanted to take some time to myself Mike kept calling me and torturing me that I'm a loser that I should do something with my time So I listened to him. I took his lead and I could feel From the first three podcasts that I had lost something that I was completely different And I wanted to do something completely different. I just wanted to be like poor harvey

For you guys, I don't know poor harvey as he's a fucking old guy that I grew up on That would have a radio show every day at noontime that spoke about nothing But it was the most interesting fucking show I ever listened to in my life, you know And uh I love what bill bird did. I love what theo does by himself. You know, I I wanted to give it a try I thought it would be great just to come up here and free ball and fucking whatever but It didn't pay it out for me guys, you know, and then uh guest

I can have jesus on here. You guys don't want him. You know what I am like it It's like, you know, and I understand and I understand And then everything changed. Listen, man, I've been doing this podcast shit now since 2011 When nobody even knew what a fucking podcast was Like if you get into do a podcast today, you have people that you look up to well, you know, rogan's doing this You know, fucking shale sun is doing this The bodega boys are doing this when we got into it. It wasn't like we didn't know nothing I didn't know if I had to interview people. What do you think I fucking came up interviewing people?

I'm a criminal people interviewed me. You know what I'm saying? Like I never interviewed fucking nobody So, you know, this is all new to us when we started this in 2011 and again I'm very grateful for the podcast movement because without the podcast I would not be here. My career would have been something completely fucking different Because I always Wanted to have a podcast. I didn't even know what a podcast was. I just wanted the opportunity to tell my story and That was the great thing about it and it was so new And interesting and everybody jumped on it and we were having a great fucking time

But I had to pull the church When we were doing fucking tremendous. I mean pulling the church just lets you know Where you're at I The church was great and I was having a great time Even during the pandemic we were getting great numbers. Everything was working out And once you know, we were gonna change it around But boom The pandemic happened and I didn't shut it down because I was brain dead then

I shut it down because it was time to fucking get the fuck out of there And how to get Lee out of there and how to get my friends out of there and look at Out of all the people that left how many people left and really left me Lee and Steve Simone everybody else is treading back there Well, I wanted to go take a look now. I'm doing sets now, man You got to stick to your fucking words sometimes and that's something that that's a that's a different Between being a player and being a fucking king You got to see certain things and you got to attack them before somebody else Let you know like I always said I've taken great pride

And not Have somebody telling me when I got to leave the room I've always taken great pride in that And that's why a couple weeks ago. I was like, you know what man? This thing is not working I we shut it down to audio just to see if we make it a little easier And it still felt like a struggle to me, you know at times And uh, I just want to be honest with everybody that I think my podcast day is coming gone

But at least I saw it and at least I don't have to fucking Have people tell you, you know, this is over. I mean, I feel it guys You know, you have to live a little to have a fucking podcast. I haven't lived the last three years It's not like I've been on planes or gone to houston or You know the the most interesting thing for me about having a podcast is living your fucking life And then reporting on it in a certain way that you could do it whether it's a concert Whether it's a movie whatever the fuck, you know golf game. I don't give a fuck But uh

You know, it just wasn't working anymore and for weeks I just sat here and would say to myself, why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing it? Is it the money? Is it what what is it? And then I realized man, I'm out of stories. You know what? I just did something that On paper looks so great, but in reality was so hard I just emptied my heart of everything I had like whether it was good

Or bad or things that made me embarrassed into a fucking book And then I sat across Mike and lee and felicia and told stories on how You know these things affected my life and stuff. Well, it was great for while it lasted but now after the book is out I'm all out of fucking ideas guys. I have nothing to compare it to In fact, if I don't ever have to tell a story about my fucking past again It would make me so fucking happy like it would make me so fucking happy guys

So in other words, yeah, I'm kind of over it a little bit I feel bad because I know I got a you guys are loyal soldiers and your family at this point Listen, the people that were soldiers disappeared the people that stuck around the new people we got You guys are family, you know from the linguses to the fucking Quadrex, there's tons of names. Sergio tegas I mean Sergio tega and me have been together since the fucking beauty of the beast And we have relationship, you know My buddy up in pittsburgh. It's been a great fucking run, man

But I just don't have the time no more to put into it Like I did before and it makes me realize how much time I was taking away from my family You know when I got into stand-up I was a lone fucking soldier And if you knew anything about me I wanted to stay a lone soldier for the rest of my life, especially after what I went through Who wants to lose another daughter who wants to You know get betrayed by somebody or things don't work out and now you ruin somebody else's life I never wanted to do these things, but they evolved and they happened

I was speaking to my buddy Carlos this morning and uh him and I have similar lives, you know He was a fuck up. I was a fuck up, you know, we grew up together I grew up with his family and his family's house eating dinner there and hanging out with him And I don't know we reconnected maybe 20 years ago to a guy that's got a house And a beautiful backyard with a pool and he's got dogs and weights back there And he's got two kids and a beautiful wife and when him and I are together I always go to him. Hey We didn't see this Did you see this and he's like

Not in a million fucking years that we see, you know when Mike told me he was having kids and stuff I could see Mike having kids and getting married. He's a nice guy He never hit nobody in the head with a stick and never mugged nobody and never broken to somebody's house But where I was coming from This was I mean I still walk around. I can't believe it I still walk around and I can't believe that a house comedy paid for a house Like I I I cannot believe that

There was a time comedy couldn't pay for my lunch There was a time that for years I struggled making rent and I was a regular at the store and doing this and doing that And you fucking struggled and you know what? Somewhere along the line my luck changed And I got to get out of debt and you know just Put away money because I knew I wasn't gonna stay in california. I never bought anything in california the only thing I had Was a fucking license that told you I lived in california

But I wasn't a member of any of that shit. I always knew that there was no way I was buying a house here. I didn't want to Die out there. There was no fucking way and I'm really proud of these things right now today And I'm gonna point my life guys. I got to be honest with you I don't care You like when somebody calls you they're like, hey, man Did you listen to this thing? I really don't care It's so sad guys You know, it's like I stopped

Even listening to youtube You know my agent sent me some speakers And I started listening to my fucking music again And if not, I'll come in here and put an album on or something, but I couldn't go on youtube anymore Just that Just that opening page of And I'm like, where are these people coming from with all these videos about brendon and this guy and Everybody's a bad guy today and listen. I don't care about that shit, but it's like

It just got old it just got old man You know, I have friends now that call me and talk to me about stand up and I got to be honest here I don't know what the fuck they're talking about You know, the only person I talk to about stand up and enjoy it anymore is lee I have a great time talking to lee Because I really relate to what he's doing. I like what he's doing. I like the beginnings of comedy This shit that happens at the end. I didn't like it at all guys. I fucking didn't like it at all

It was a little overwhelming and uh You know guys, it's nice to give videos a break It gets old we in our minds as comedians We don't know we start believing what you guys say to us and We start believing that you guys need more videos and you guys need more of this and after a while we don't see what we're doing That we're just becoming vince Vaughan You know, a lot of years don't know who vince Vaughan is. I like vince Vaughan. He was a good actor But 20 years ago if you had a movie about black people you put vince Vaughan

If you had a movie about chinese people you put vince Vaughan in and he just over Saturated himself. It was just a little too much and now Where do you see vince Vaughan? Nowhere, you know, and he's a great actor. He did some great fucking things But somewhere along the line He was in fucking everything And I don't know guys when I got into the movie business listen My patterns were people like Eddie Murphy and shit

Eddie Murphy when he started Had the perfect career. He did a movie with somebody else. He stole the movie Then they gave him 40 hours and he stole that fucking movie And then they came back they finally put a ton of money into him and they gave him bevelly hill's cop And he worked it from there and he worked it from there But you know what you don't see eddie and everything It's like a couple years ago. You saw tiffany haddish and everything TV shows kid stories, whatever

I was happy for her that she was making a ton of fucking loot But at the same time i'm like the more you expose yourself It's less later. It's less later like Calm it down a little bit. We've lost that. We don't give a fuck. We'll do 22 movies in a year And expect you to see a more. Fuck you guys Yeah, and I didn't expect me to do eight podcasts in one week and feed a listen more You know, it's like a never-ending Desperation, you know

It's really funny today Later on this afternoon. I have a zoom with uh, i'm starting to talk to people about selling them The book rights, you know And it's so weird that If this would have happened 20 years ago, I couldn't come I couldn't I couldn't compose myself I'd be shitting my pants and Pissing blood and jumping up and down and snorting coke and doing So many other things. I know that this these meetings I got and I got about 15 of them

I know that these meetings I could go into them with a non-desperado attitude Which causes a lot of fucking problems Not for me But for them because i'm not desperate. I could give a fuck of you buy this book or not I could give a frenchman's fuck I wrote this just for me to clean my conscience and to get it out there If you bought this you'd make me happy because you put some income in me and my daughter go to college But besides that, I mean, you know

It's not like i'm going in there when I was 40 when I thought it was going to be a Death or life situation and that's how you take those meetings. Like, yeah If I get this, oh my god, I could finally breathe, you know, and you never breathe It was like when I got the longest yard I was finally going to do this when I got spider-man 2. I was going to do this when I got this I was going to do this when I shot and nothing happened Nothing happened So now i'm going into these meetings and i'm not desperate at all

It's like my friend said to him. Are you excited about pitching? I go to be honest with you I ain't pitching They're pitching me They're going to pitch me So Am I excited? I'm proud. I'm very happy. I'm very happy for erica But at the same time i'm not going in there like I did when I was 43 I'm going to go in there and go

Hit me What do you guys want to do? All right, I'll get back to you now It's a different situation if I would have known these things I would have fucking done these things earlier in my career But everything came when it comes and now you have to deal with it You know, whatever am I looking forward to these meetings? If you know anything about me guy Not really Just give me the loot. I'm like biggie smalls. Give me the loot. Give me the loot

If you guys know anything about me, I don't I could care less if they shoot a movie I could care less if they shoot a tv show The only thing I want is for them to hold me for like five years I got like 20 friends that are authors that every book they put out gets optioned And they get optioned for years and they don't hear anything about it Because you have to wait for that topic to get hot and then you publish that book or publish that movie You've always got it in your vault of things So I'd rather are you fucking kidding me? I don't you know

Yeah, do you know how many fucking you know how many moons have to be aligned For your tv show or your movie to go. Do you have any fucking ideas? Say listen guys, I know I off the top of my hand. I know four comedians That shot pilots and their shows got picked up and they shot 10 13 series 10 episodes and guess what? They're still waiting for the episodes to go up All that material guys so there is no expectations out of me. I know exactly what I'm getting myself into I'm listening to them and it's very interesting My wife sent me a review the ad that she was at work and some one of her co-workers said I

I went looking for tremendous and I found this reveal You got to watch this interesting And my wife Watching she sent to me. She goes watch this fucking video And there was a guy talking about tremendous and now he was a fan and now he enjoyed the book No, he enjoyed the podcast, but he enjoyed the book a lot more And he said that he was really happy for me. Now this guy's not an industry guy. This guy was just a guy giving a review He said he was interested. He was excited for me because he knew that

I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to now He goes If he doesn't want to do a podcast, he doesn't have to do a podcast if he wants to write magazine articles He could write magazine articles. Whatever the fuck he wants to do now. This opened up another door So when my decision came To stop doing the podcast it was just to take a breather Just to see where my head is at Just to see what topic we're going to come back with because this topic ain't fucking working

I'm me comparing my shit that it's not working guys Uh, I stopped watching the news during the pandemic. So I really am not on top of What's going on in the world? Guys when I talk to mike and I talk to lee how I ask him what's going on out there And they'll tell me I don't know what's going on out there and guys like I said I really don't care at this point in my life. I care about getting healthy I care about my family. I care about my friends, you know, I care about mike and lee and these guys that were You know, they're in the struggle like I was it's it's excited to see them

The agostino and eric roadshed and these guys are young guys That's where my interest goes now. Honest to god guys. I could care less about stars or celebrities or Any of that shit? And you guys know i'm the worst celebrity in the world for starters I'm not a celebrity But if you people want to call me a celebrity just note that i'm the worst celebrity in the world I don't have a bmw. I don't have a business agent. I don't have a fucking Assistant. I don't have any of that shit. It's me my balls

And my heart that's all I fucking ever had. I don't need any of that shit So what i'm trying to do here is just Close the door To see what door opens That's it Nobody's saying i'm shutting down anything. I just Want to close one door to see what opens I want to see what's out there. I want to see what i've been missing

I'm 60. I want a whole new fucking set of rules, man I want something different in my life. I don't know if it's a podcast I don't know if it's a movie career. It's none of the above. I just want to be happy. I want to be a good dad now And that's why i'm at I fucking love going to jujitsu I get beat up. Yes, I got thrown around the room Two weeks ago somebody banged my head off the fucking mat I fucking had a headache for two days. I feel like fucking one of these guys would

TRT whatever that brain damage is shit I've been sweating that but you know what guys I have a good time going there. It's my social life now I play bocce ball. I enjoy that. It's one night a week. It's fucking 30 minutes with a bunch of old Italians We're oh and three we scored our yeah We scored our first two points last night. We're terrible I'm just trying to have a good time guys. I didn't do any of this shit growing up I didn't do any of this shit for the last 30 years. I haven't done any of this Because I always thought comedy was more important and I was right

It was important at the time At that time when I was 31 It was important for me to tell you motherfuckers to shove your wedding invitation up your asses And it was important to tell you guys that I wasn't going to some fucking party on a saturday night That I had to do a comedy show instead and and those things were important to me at the time now I was at a barbecue sunday when I got back from the shore Sunday night And I was there with my neighbor who I fucking adore this dude

The name is steve he works from the city and he works nights And we were having a good time at this barbecue, you know It was like six o'clock the kids were in the pool And just some dads were just talking shit, you know, I had a couple fucking buckets in me And two pieces of silly he's fucking tiramisu Whatever and I was just having a good time with him and he said to me I got to get ready to go And I go what the fuck you going it's labor day because I got to go to work tonight He goes I didn't work last night

And at one point he just looked over and he goes I got to tell you something. I really enjoyed this job 10 years ago because I fucking hate it now He goes I hate having to do this and I go what's this and he goes Leave when I'm having a good time. He goes. I'm sick of doing it. I go Nika doing that for 30 years And I ain't gonna lie to you guys sometimes it's a blessing to get out of a party, you know what I'm saying like Sometimes it's good to say oh my god. I have a set at 7 30 But

but Sometimes you're just having such a good time. You're like really I gotta fucking get in the car now and go do fucking comedy or something I remember a couple fucking last year when I thought I had the comedy bug I thought I was gonna be John Mulaney And uh, I was doing some warm-up sets at uncle Vinny's one of my favorite joints And I just told somebody like I go listen The thing I hate the most about comedy is when I have to do comedy that's when the shit happens

And then I gotta leave at 7 o'clock and it was a beautiful night. It was like a june night or something All of a sudden we were outside me and my daughter playing hoops or something. We heard like a ice cream man, right? And it was fucking mr. Softy like I'm like mr. Softy's in this neighborhood I was so fucking excited and the neighbors came out It was like 6 30 at night all the neighbors came out and we're out there talking and all some of my friend came to get me He goes you gotta we gotta go to uncle Vinny's And I remember saying right then and there I'm gonna get in that car, but this is the last time this is happening

I'm not doing this again This is what usually happens when you book a date. I'm gonna tell you what happened to me This last this is why guys always remember one thing The universe will give you signs The universe will give you signs It always does if you catch it good for you If you don't catch it the first time you'll catch it after about three mishaps After you fucking fall off the school and bang your head on the fucking concrete

You'll go society or the universe didn't give me a hint To how to get out of this fucking mess here, you know I booked the the I booked the the fucking book signing last Wednesday. I did New Jersey 12 that morning The Vogel theater came out fucking great place, you know, what's the name of that in uh, asbury park or in red bank I forget what it's called. Anyway, it doesn't fucking matter They reached out and said would you be interested in doing a book signing here? And I said yes Let me just tell you a story guys and they said yes

Okay, within an hour I had a call from the agents All right, the ticket's gonna be a hundred bucks and I go why a hundred bucks and he goes because it's a comedy thing You're gonna have to go up there and hire somebody to help you interview you with just a bunch of shit And I'm like, but the book is 25 He goes, yeah, but right away. I was already ticked off So finally I got him down to 50 buck tickets I go I can live on 25 and 25 for the fucking book will do a book signing But then they started adding things to this

And I was like, you know what this doesn't sound fun Right like this and next thing, you know My wife comes to me and she goes, did you book june 8th yet? And I go no, they're trying to book me On june 8th and another date. I think the 20 something And she goes, let me look she goes. Well, you can't do the 8th because you have a fucking Uh, your daughter has a recital And you can't do the 20 something because it's something else that night. I'm like fuck There you go

That's the first sign. I shouldn't be fucking doing book signings and shit Then I'm in labor day. I'm down the shore friday Did anybody expect your phone to ring last friday? It's fucking labor day. Okay So I got up with the girls The families came down. We all went to the pool. We took a walk around lbi And then we went back. It was on 4 30. I'm like, I'm fucking tired. I gotta take a fucking nap I didn't sleep well the night before

I fucking uh, take a little hour nap Friday when I wake up. I got a message that says I got a movie And I'm like, what? How can I have a movie? There's a writer strike. I'm like, they made an offer. I thought it was like a dream It said my agent's name and offer and I'm like, what the fuck who made an offer on me? There's nothing going on and it's for this uh Kevin james movie christing richie, you know It's a cons film festival shoots four weeks. I would have six days on it But when does this start shooting to fucking eight?

So it's like, you know guys, that's the universe telling me to mind my fucking business and that's The 10th time it's happened this year Well, I've think thought about making plans or something all sudden It's just it's just not meant to happen and you could sit there And be upset and whatever but when something's not meant to go it's just not meant to go. It's not in the fucking cards So that's why I'm walking away from that shit. I You know, I don't know if I'm gonna do the new york thing

This fall I haven't decided yet Let me give the podcast a breather. Let me give everything a breather Let me clear my head for like 60 fucking days and The worst thing that could happen is I could come back stronger That's the worst that could happen guys So listen you bad motherfuckers. I'm not going nowhere and this ain't goodbye I'm just taking a fucking breather And I'm gonna take some time to myself and see

What it that I really want to fucking do or what type of podcast I might come back with a tennis podcast I might come back with a podcast about christianity. I might come back. I don't know. I don't know guys But I can't keep doing what I was doing here to you guys. It's not fair to you guys It's not fair to me. It's not fair to mike. It's it's not fair to anybody You know, it just wasn't working And it's nobody's fault. I took a chance You know, I took 2000 chances I did good on maybe, you know

A thousand fifty of them to rest fall apart. That's a percentage guys Nothing to be ashamed of nothing to be upset about I'm gonna go home have a roast beef sandwich and come back a lot stronger think about what I could do To be a better person a better podcast or if not, I don't know I don't know. There's got to be something else I could do If you have any ideas, let me know if you need to get a hold of me I'm on patreon. I think it's gonna go down to five dollars Just come on board talk with us. Whatever if you need some advice

I put some uh 15 minute audio podcast on there Nothing too serious We try to put a movie of the week and we're gonna try to figure out To do some type of book review on the patreon because I'm sure a lot of the patreon people want to ask some questions And without further ado motherfuckers. I love you You have a great fucking june And I will be in touch with you. Like I said, if you need to get a hold of me, you know what to fucking find me instagram Facebook, I don't know, you know twitch. I don't fucking know

I love you motherfuckers stay black Have a great summer and I'll talk to you cocksucker soon and now for a word my motherfucking sponsors All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for being here Thank you for all your support over the years. I love you cocksuckers But most importantly, thank you for understanding You know, like I said, sometimes you got to close one door To open up another one. That's what we're trying to do here. But before we leave, please Go to anat.com the summer's coming. You might need a little boost to new mood

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