Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #245 - Billy Corben, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: January 5, 2015

Billy Corben, Director of "The U: Part 2 and many more amazing documentaries, calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Fight The Power -Public Enemey I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Van Halen - Mean Streets   Recorded on 01/05/2015

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booth 15423, Tim Kennedy is going to be signing photos, signing autographs and taking pictures. Oh shit, who, what, oh shit, we're back motherfuckers, January 5th, oh shit, another winter, sound of the fucker drummer, get up, brush your pussy motherfucker, it's a whole new year, I don't want to hear you fucking crying this year, this is your year, from the start, it starts today motherfucker, what, oh, what, we got to fight to power that beat, get up, the power is you, fight that motherfucker, wash that pussy, wash that asshole, powder them balls, shine your shoes, brush your teeth, comb your hair, get out there, the church motherfuckers, what the fuck is going on, get up you filthy motherfuckers, happy new year,

it's 2015, when in reality it's just another day and you got a motherfucking job to do, get the fuck up motherfuckers, write your goals, it starts today, you're going to quit smoking, you're going to do this, you ain't going to fucking blow kids behind the fucking amusement park no more, it all starts motherfucking today bitch, it's a new year, put that behind you, it's a new year, that's it, these motherfuckers make a new day, it's a new day, it's a new day and you're getting a second fucking chance, the church what's happening now, what's up you bad motherfucking Jew you, hey buddy you're fired up, I gotta be, got to be, it's a whole new fucking year and I gotta let these people know that that's it, the fucking game is over,

you've been putting shit off it too long, and that's it, I'm excited, it's a fucking whole new year, whole new set of rules, I love it, but in reality again, it kind of hit me this year for the first time, I'm like, wait, it's just another day tomorrow, it doesn't feel any different, no difference, it's amazing when you wake up new year's day, like you think like nothing, as a kid I used to, I remember, it's still that same ugly fuck at the 7-Eleven, trying to get a nickel from me in the wheelchair with a sign, you know, there's still every fucking day there's something, every day, every day, you hustling, hustling, how was your weekend, it was great, well, I ran, I'm trying to do things that are against my grain, absolutely,

so I went to the gym with Paula on Friday, and we got there late, we got there later than we wanted to, but we walked in and Eddie was walking down, Eddie Barba was walking down the stairs, so went up and said hi, and he's with this dude, I didn't know who he was, and he introduced himself, he was Dallas Page, the wrestler, and ever since I've been working out and before then, people have told me tried DDP yoga, tried DDP yoga, it was on Shark Tank a couple years ago, I only, the only times I've done yoga were a couple times I did the hut, the bedroom with my dad, and I hated it, because it's like 110 degrees, it's terrible, well, it's just, I didn't like it, so I went to the store that night, and he emailed me, he was just like, hey,

nice to meet you, if you're interested, for you and your friend, I'm doing a seminar tomorrow, I'd like to give you guys two free passes, everything in my system doesn't want to do that, early in Hollywood, which is at 11, but we had to go get yoga mats, so we woke up at 8.30, which isn't that early, but on a Saturday, going to Hollywood, it's not something I really want to do ever, especially not to work out for three hours, but it was free, and we just were like, fuck it, so we did it, when I woke up at 8.30, I was like, maybe not, but we just did it, went down there, there was like 50 people in like a gym in a Hollywood park down there on Beverly, and he did about two hours, an hour and a half of motivational stuff, pretty cool stuff,

he didn't even start wrestling until he was like 35, or professionally, and he did about an hour and a half of, it got progressively harder at yoga, it was a lot of cardio stuff, and it was a lot of, he always wanted to be clenching, just to engage the muscles, I didn't sweat as much as I do on the elliptical, but you've been on here for a while to do a class, so I was like, fuck it, I did it, I was like, how many people out there would want, it was an expensive class, it was like an $80 class, like he's giving it to me for free, I'm like, why waste it, why stay at home and just sleep a little bit later, so. Thank you very much, that's something that I had to learn the hard way,

you know, going out of your comfort zone, for anything, listen, when you go to school to be an attorney, ask Paula, before she got into law school, she had to do a bunch of math classes, it's a big curriculum for attorney, you ask yourself, why do I have to take this math to be an attorney, free analytical, so it gets you thinking, and this is all, I've loved this, I've always loved this, I love going out of my comfort zone, I really don't, but I do, you think I wanted to get on that plane to Vegas on Friday? No, no, I've been home for fucking three weeks, I have not seen a fucking plane on airport, my mind was somewhere else, and I was thinking of canceling the flight, like canceling the

8am flight to Vegas and going to and going to the Wains and all this shit, I got up that morning, I said, fucking, I'm gonna go, you know, and as soon as I got off the plane and got to Vegas, I mean, there was traffic, you know, there was a taxi traffic, like there was, it was packed, Vegas was fucking packed. Oh, that's cool. I got to the hotel, I go upstairs, it's always the last fucking hotel room on the aisle, you know, you were talking about, we were exercising in Las Vegas just by fucking walking, I go to the end of the thing and I go downstairs and I meet Ari, and you know what, man, all of a sudden, any anxiety, I had went away. That was one of the best day trips I've had in years that I really needed. I, you know, I get comfortable, man, you know, and

sometimes you go outside your realm and you bump into something, a part of you, you bump into a different party while you're there and it wakes it up, you know, it wakes a monster inside of you. Right. And maybe you won't go back to that place, maybe you'll never do DDP again, but you're going to get something out of that. Yeah. You're going to get that now, you did it. I did it. There's no, you walk into these places, I'm insecure, so as soon as I walk in, I feel embarrassed. I'm the fat guy in the room, I'm fucking old. Paul and I were worried about that, we walked in and there were a bunch of douchebags, you know, with tight suits on and matching suits. There was a lot of heavy people there. We weren't even the

biggest people by far. There was a couple people who looked like it was their New Year's resolution and I'm so glad this wasn't my first time working out because I wouldn't have made it through it. But I was like, I didn't have to take a break because they all said that you can take a break if you want to. I couldn't do everything. Like I have horrible balance, so I kept falling down when I tried to do the pose, but you do like, you just bring your leg up. Yeah, you have to put your leg up, but you have to look straight ahead and you have to pick a spot. This is like the core. It's the core. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't get to do everything probably perfectly, but they had people walking, like his fiance was walking around and he, she showed me a couple things and it was

cool. It was cool to stretch, like I stretched something like the cane opener where you like drag your leg across in front of you while you're laying down and like you rotate your hip. Yeah, it was cool. See, every, before I do anything, I always lay on my back, I get my ass and I put it up against the wall and I kick my legs up and I let the blood go down, right? And then, and I breathe and I straighten my feet out to stretch the back of your legs and I stretch my arms out like Jesus Christ, right? Yeah. And I do that and I let the blood go down, my heart pump all that fucking unsolicited blood, then I twist while I'm breathing to my left and I have my wife pull my shoulder down and pull my hip down as I breathe and it's tight, but the more you breathe, the

looser you'll get. Again, you pick your legs up to the middle, breathing the whole way up and then I go to the other side, you follow me and that stretches that core, you know, all yoga, that's tremendous moves, right? If you haven't tried yoga because of an ego problem or whatever fucking problem you have, you're really missing the boat. I had a problem with yoga, I didn't know what it was. So again, I was like anybody else in this country, anybody else in life. If you don't know what something is, you're very tuned off to it. I don't want to do that. And the first time my wife took me, every day when I wake up, I'm like, fuck, I should go do yoga today after a while. I look at the schedule and it's weird, like today it's 11.45. I thought about it. I already have

plans. My wife goes to Zumba on Monday at 10.15 at the Y. It's a beautiful fucking day too, doesn't it? They have a lot of outdoor yoga here in town. They have a lot of, I mean, if you go up and down Burbank Boulevard, Magnolia Boulevard in the valley, there's tons of yoga. Apple yo, I mean, there's tons of the place by Laurel Canyon that my friend works there. So if you want to go in there, let me know. I mean, I'll try it. I don't know if I'm going to write that, you know, which one I'm talking about right down the block from your house. If you hit Magnolia, when you go to right by Popeye's chicken, right there next to it, my friend, she's a Cuban girl, Cuban Jewish girl, Cuban Jew from Miami. She runs the fucking show. I don't know if I'm going to be

able to do it. But my goal is 300 or 365 do something workout wise. I don't know if it'll be able to be the gym every day. But like, I figured that's that's one day off a week plus 13 bonus days. I don't know if I'm gonna hit it. But that's my goal. That's your goal. Listen, I wrote my, you know, you have a personal your personal goals, your business goals, you have, you know, physical goals, you know, I like to lose 80 fucking pounds. I write that. And then you write, how can I do that by maintaining my eating, by keeping a log and by walking with the mercy. Yeah, I told you last week you were looking thinner and this workout is working for me. This is the first time this is working for me. First of all, I haven't really, I've gone to jujitsu techniques. I haven't

really rolled because I do something after the jujitsu technique class. I do a bunch of calisthenics with this guy. And then I cut my workout down, believe it or not. I was overdoing it. I was the law diminishing returns. I was walking around sore. I went back to all reliable the bicycle. My wife told me a long time she goes, I don't know why she goes, when you started working out, the fat came off with the bicycle and the punching bag came off. When all of a sudden you're doing this and this and this, you made it more complicated than what it is. And I have totally we did that with food. Like we've been using my fitness pal and it's great. But it lowered me to 1400 calories and lower poly to 1200, 1220. And we were just talking to people and there's something called

a BMR, not BMI like tells you how fat you are, but BMR was like how many calories your body needs. So they have this formula where it's like that plus your workout calories minus 500. So now I get like 1900 calories. And I have, I haven't had this much in months. And I've been losing weight. It says like your body kind of shuts off when you don't have enough, which I knew, but I didn't think the amount I was having was shutting it off. But I lost weight like three days in a row. I'm still, I'm almost back to my lowest. I'm pretty happy. Yeah, sometimes, you know, especially going to Hollywood, like if I got to drive to Hollywood, the whole drive, I didn't have to drive to the whole drive. I'm talking myself out of it.

Yeah. The whole drive, I'm going boy, I wish somebody runs a red light and hits this fucking car. So I have an excuse because you don't want to cause them to say you got into an accident and you have that hanging over your head, you know? Yeah. But that it's great. It's great when you get out of, and we've discussed this a thousand times on here. And it's a great way to start the year because now you got something coming. That's what I thought of. Like I, I didn't want to do it. I was like, maybe I won't even tell Paula about the offer. And she was kind of angry about it. But what are we going to do on Saturday morning? What's the point of wasting it? You know, man, this is something they have to do every day that I neglected at an early age.

I didn't neglect on an early age and neglected at 28. I thought my body would stay the way it always been. I thought that what people were saying to me were lying. They're all lying. Your metabolism doesn't slow down. And I wish in those at that age that I would have worked out an hour a day, you know, something that I'm doing now wouldn't have been working as hard as I am now. So if you're young and you see that your weight's going somewhere, hit it when you're fucking 30. So throughout your 30s and 40s, and you're not the kid, nobody wants you to be fucking Johnny Olympus. They just want you to do what Lee does, go to the fucking 24 hour fitness and ride the epileptical for 40 minutes and you go home and everybody's happy. At least you don't feel that

bad if you do decide to eat a quarter pound. And you don't have to do 45. The first time I did it, I did 15. I couldn't, I was, I didn't think I was going to get to 15. And I went home and suffered 15 hours. So like, as long as, at this point, as long as they do 30, I'm like, this is better than doing nothing. I get 400 calories in, but it's just you're moving that blood Jack. Anything is better than that stale may fucking blood. It moves the blood. It sets all fireworks in your brain to do other things. You're like, what the fuck am I doing sitting here? I gotta go do other things. Yeah, I'm not going to tell anyone to work out because I used to hate it when I was bigger. Like I, because everyone knows

is supposed to lose weight. But the thing I would look for if you're looking for inspiration is something you told me about, then now I can't not see it everywhere is the bigger guys and girls who get bruises around their ankles because their blood isn't flowing. It freaks me out like they're, it's eat away at the skin. It fucking did shit to me. It fucked me up. Because you don't have it now. No, no, I refuse to have it. I work on it. I work on it. You have to, you have to even rub those things, you know, move around. If you do get on a plane, I don't want that either. That fat, once you see the fat ankle, it's all done. It terrifies me. It just all downhill after that, man. You can't get that blood collagulating around that fucking ankle. Fuck. No, it's just

stale blood. It's just that brown blood that comes out of your head when you hit somebody in the head with a hammer. Movies. Are you hitting people in heads of hammers? It's been years, but you know, no, I just saw people. Do you miss it? No, I just saw people's heads get fucking it. You know, for you people who've been emailing me, my heart goes out to you guys. Thank you. Fidel is alive and kicking. Oh, thank God. He's not alive and kicking. He's alive. How old is he? 13. My wife told me. Okay. Okay. Fidel's been around for a long fucking time. We've been together 16 years. Fidel's been around for 14 years, next like May, she was telling me. Fidel's a big cat. Not a fat, big, big, leopard, big. You always seem super healthy.

Always seem super healthy. Always happy, always meowing, always wants the first pet. If you're going to pet some, you know, people with a veterinarian pulled me aside and go, he's a really good cat. Like he's the, once a while he goes off the deep end. He likes to fuck around with Harry and torture Demian and shit, but beside, and he takes abuse. He's the biggest cat I have in the house and he takes abuse from the other cats. And every once in a while, he just snaps. One of the best fights I ever saw was him against super bad. Really? Too different. It was like John Jones against Cormier. You know, they fucking fought, they went backwards, then they found for the laundry box. And they got going and the laundry box flipped over. So

they were trapped in that laundry box right now. I had to pick it up. Super bad. Fidel had each other by the neck. This went on for about a month to every time they'd see each other and make those loud noises. Like, oh, get the fuck out of here. But he's alive and kicking. You know, my wife said that, you know, I got up this morning and gave him a special food and I played with him a little bit. And when I went in the shower, when I came back, he had jumped the fence to his cat little box. So, you know, he's alive. He's not kicking where he was kicking before. He's not all fidel, you know, he torments you and shit. But does that because I had never experienced a pet dying when I had a hamster that died, but that wasn't the same as my dog. Does it make you not want to

get more animals? Because like, I don't know if I could anymore. You always want to get animals. You know, somebody's always animals come to you. When an animal comes into your life, it that animals meant for you. It's regardless of what you say, regardless of what you say as a person. I can't have cats. I'm allergic to dogs. I don't want dogs in my life. I got to get right. When you see the animal that belongs to you, you'll know it. You'll feel okay. It could be a fucking parrot. You might call me one thing because I went to a fucking thing and bought a chinchilla. You know, I don't give a fuck what you buy. Every animal has a purpose and you have a purpose with an animal. It's just finding the right animal. I've been very fortunate.

You know, when my mother died, I had a dog, you know, his name was Crystal. I called him Crystal from Crystal THC. And how did you explain that to your mom? I never did. I never had to. I just called him Crystal and she didn't know he was white with little brown spots. And was he the first dog I ever had? Not really. He was one of the dogs that came in and out of the house. We had two dogs at one time that were guard dogs that my mom had to give away because one kept running away and biting people and giving out terrorists when I first moved to Jersey. So my mom gave him to a buddy in the Bronx and I would see him to dogs for years. Then we had Champion, who was my dad's dog, who died when I was like Mercy's age.

But then we had this Crystal, you know, and Crystal was a good little dog. I didn't know what I was doing. I was a young kid. I was playing football with the weights. I was just discovering titties and fingering people and shit. I didn't have any, you know, it's not like you had the internet that you got a dog and you read up on that dog and stuff. You're an encyclopedia, you know, and I gave the dog love and then what happened? My mom died and I had this dog and I was moving and were friends. I couldn't bring the dog and I had to give the dog away. And that stayed with me for a long time. I always let that dog down. You know, in the middle of everything, my mom died and me moving. High school, there's that,

no social security. I had this fucking dog and I had to give him away and I didn't know who to give him away until I gave him away to my mom's friend and she was on 51st Street. So I would go out at night and get fucked up and walk by the dog. I'd go by the dog and she would put the dog outside until like two in the morning and I told you I would jump the fence and go in its house and play with it and I don't know what happened. I lost contact with the dog over the years and that always stayed with me. I always wanted to, I always owed the universe one. I always felt like I owed the universe one. That happens to people. Sometimes they get out, you know, get an animal and they have to move or their boyfriends have allergies or their girlfriends can't have a cat

in the house. There's always something. You have to give the animal up. I think that's one of the toughest things you have to do in your life. I know it was for me as a young man. I don't ever want to bail on my animals. Like once I, when I, I won't go on vacation. We're having a hard time about next holiday. We want to go to New York and spend, you know, six days with the child and take it to the tree and this and this. You know, you go away. She goes away. You know, the lady. I can't expect my friends to go over and sit there for an hour with these animals. Right. And I just can't leave for nine days and have somebody come and feed them and leave. These animals have emotions. You know, they, they, they, they used to a certain lifestyle. I spend time with my cats. I like it.

I enjoy it. I'm not going to lie to you. There's people over. No. When I left this morning, I pecked all of them. I picked up three of them and kissed them when I, when I fed them. You know, that's how you supposed to treat your fucking animals. You know, why have an animal? Why have an animal if you're going to, there's people out there willing to give love to a fucking animal. So, and I look at my cats and I got to tell you something. They were all meant for me. Every single one of those cats in the room, God put them on this planet for me to adopt them. I just know. Were you anxious adopting strays, like not even just from the shelter, like strays on the street? Well, they were little kittens and I knew what their options were. I knew that they were

going to die. If somebody didn't take them, they were going to die. And these animals were good cats. These animals were, you know, they were tough. They came from the samurai. They had a good bloodline. You know, mama was back there for years getting fucked and spitting out kittens. And she never, I mean, she was tough as nails. She had like fucking 19 litters in the years we were back there. You know, wow. But I have no regrets about none of those cats. I love them all the same. I make time for them. You know, when they call home when I'm out of town, I ask about mercy. And I ask about certain cats that I know been acting weird that week before I left. You know, every week has, every cat, every week I have a different dilemma with the

cats. Not that they're sick, but super bads attacking Harry. Demi's attacking Lulu. You know, there's always something. It's weird how they have different personalities. And that's it. And every week, everybody changes. Every Monday goes back to zero. And now Fidel's got a beef this week with this guy. This guy keeps jumping the fucking fence. But I enjoy it. I enjoy it. They say when people have animals, they live longer. And I think that it's the secret love you have with this animal that you owe nothing to it. It owes you nothing. I mean, you could pretty much, I mean, I don't know what the thing is with lions and tigers and what, but every animal wants love. Once they have videos of that with like people who have spent

time with like the lions and tigers from like an early age, like this one that's going around where this guy opens a door like at a preserve or something and a lion jumps into his arms and it's just like nosing him. And it looks terrifying, but love is love. Love is love. Gray is the last cat I ever adopted. And she wasn't a kitten. She was already a grown cat, you know, but I hit it off on the outside. She got attacked. She couldn't go back outside. The lady was gonna give her away. I took her in. Gray now, you know, when I first took Gray in, I'd pick her up and she'd go nuts. But Gray now looks for me to pick her up. She doesn't want me to know that I want her to pick that she wants me to pick her up. Do you know what I mean? She'll torment me when I'm on the

computer, my legs and her tail and torment me. And then I go to touch her chest like the lifter and she'll go away. But the next time she comes, she'll stay that extra minute and let me pick her up and I have to rub her ears and kiss her and then rub her back and rub her belly. And also I can see the little drool come out of her nose and just fall on her chest as I'm patting it. It's always the same. So she'll fight me, but now I can't get rid of it. Now, you know, she'll be there for 20 minutes. I'll be rubbing her stomach and her face and her little sides here, her little mustache and I can see her little eyes looking at me thanking me. You know, those animals are very appreciative. Yeah. Do you think that's why they have a lot of those programs in prisons where they'll

let those like good inmates have like dog or cats? I saw that. I don't know. It gives you a purpose. I gotta be honest with you, man. When I had Demi and Harry, when they were kittens, I couldn't wait to be home. Yeah. They were the funniest motherfuckers you ever saw in your life. First of all, my wife couldn't make, we didn't think we're going to keep Demi and Harry. Oh, really? So we put him under the table. My wife made a little barrier. She called the Freedomville Freedom Town and they had fences and little cat toys in there and a blanket and they lived in there. But the girl I was supposed to take him moved to Orange County and never called us back. So for a month, they were just in limbo. I had him in the house and I remember being out that night and getting coked

and running home just to do coke and play with those motherfuckers. You could take a piece of paper and put it in front of Demi who's a kitten. He'd run through it. Really? So I'd sit there and go from the University of whatever and he'd run through a fucking piece of paper. I did that for hours. That's how much of a rethought I am. So I love all that shit. How did you figure out Demi does knuckle sandwich? That's the best thing I love. My wife. My wife plays with knuckle sandwich. He'll knuckle sandwich you the whole fucking time. He headbutts your, he headbutts your fist. He headbutts your hand out of your face. Whatever you want to headbutt, you take showers. Listen, you give any animal, dog. You know, a lot of these at home going Joey, a cat. Yeah, a cat.

Could have been a dog too. Could have been a dog. It was just a different situation, a different time. Yeah. So that's where, what are your goals, Lee? Fuck the cats. My goals are 300 out of 365. I'd like to be down to 150. That's my goal, Lee. I'd like to make this podcast. I don't know if I don't think more times a week, but I'd like to grow the audience, which would of course, obviously would make us more money. But I really like that Colin show. And I really enjoy it. I like, I like going to Vegas when I see Token Lair. I see Freddie and his wife. And I see, or we go to Austin last year and Uki Spooky is still tweeting at me and buy shirts. And every time I send a shirt to Australia,

I'm like, are you serious? Like, it's just so cool. Like someone, like we basically kind of have friends in Australia and we have that guy in China. It's just, that's really, I would like to grow it. I'd like to, obviously some of it's professional, but it just, it was, it's someone, it's been, it was a really fun year last year. I had a great year last year. It's funny because I looked at the professional angle of my goals, but I knew that the personal had to be a little bit more, I had to be a little bit more on my personal goals. You know, I've been writing these stupid fucking goals since 1989. And I wrote these things every year and I looked at them every night when I was fucked up on Coke just to see where I was. It kept me on course. If you're having a hard time

staying on course today, just get a new fucking notebook. Open up the page and the first page, clear it because that one words gets fucked up. So move it over in the second page, write your goals. You know, I want to lose weight. I want to be a better person. You know, I want to be a nicer person. I want to have more empathy. You know, I wrote that down. I want to be more empathetic to society. I feel at times that I'm not as empathetic and I am, but I also have to attack it as a comic. So I don't want people to think that, you know, I wrote different things like that, but I think that sometimes people worry, but well, I want to make a million fucking dollars. How the fuck are you going to make a million fucking dollars? Okay. How the fuck are

you going to make a million dollars if you're late for every fucking meeting? Right. Do you follow me? So making a million dollars has not to do with you. It has to do with you being early for fucking meetings. Right. You know, you know, 10 minutes early and prepared and your shoes shine and with a smile on your face and, you know, no alcohol on your fucking breath. You know, I've had this thing lately where I've gone to meetings in the mornings with people and I got to tell you something, man. I party for fucking years. I got high for fucking years. I get high every morning before the meetings. I'll tell you what I do if I get high before the meetings. I put vizine in my fucking eyes. I brush my teeth and I fucking gargle and I take a little tap. I

hate fucking cologne. I've had the same little bottle of CK1 for eight years, you know, and when I get high and I have a meeting at a network or I took a little dot and I put it on my neck or something. That's it. Yeah. Just to throw off the reef. I won't smoke in that suit that I'm wearing something. I go to these fucking meetings sometimes and I get hit in the fucking face with alcohol breath constantly. If it's after lunch in Hollywood, you're definitely gonna get out of this. No, no, no. I'm talking 10 o'clock. You know, I do my shit early. Oh snap. I never ran into that. That's bad. And that bad fucking, like gin or, yeah, like that bad shit, you know, and I'm not there to judge no, but I'm just saying, Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, at least I thought I covered my tracks

better when I was getting high. Right. And that's, that was something that was big for me this past year. Even if you think you're doing a great job, you can look at there's something that you can change. Always, always. It's the same thing with losing weight for me, but even even working, like a lot of 2013, I like the pot, we were doing pretty good numbers. And so we changed some stuff at the beginning of last year. And our number, our numbers doubled month last December to this past December. And I think I'm doing a better job. I think the podcast has gone a lot better. You've become a, like I told you the last three sets I saw you last week were the best three I've seen, I think ever. So it's pretty cool to be. Well, part of this podcast, Lee, that really

pisses me off is that I love these people. You know, when I go out and do shows and I get to shake one hand, the person says, one thing about the podcast, I got to meet you. And now you paid for a ticket to come see me. Guess what? Well, now I owe you something because that's how life works out. You know, that's what we do as friends. Now I owe you something. So you know what I owe them to prepare this the day before I come in here to try to do this on time, to try to be consistent with it. That's what I owe you people for listening, for taking the time to come to the shows. I can't go six years ago. I didn't have you guys. So I didn't give a fuck what came out of my mouth when I sat on stage. No, I'm nervous, because I know you guys work hard and you're

paying, you're making time to come see me. Do you understand my mentality? Right. Even if I always try to give you something new, it may be funny, it may not be funny, but I'm fucking trying. I don't ever want you to go, I went to see me did the exact same material to the tea. He said the exact same words. No, I'm always trying. I'm always thinking, you know, you guys are the fucking first thing and lasting on my mind every fucking morning. I can't, every day I can't lie to you. Well, you know it, you know, you know, every conversation we have is about how can we make the show better, more consistent, you know, topic, whatever. Guests, we're always trying to switch it up. I don't ever lullaby on myself ever. And I want you guys to have the same attitude. Don't ever sleep on

yourself. Oh, we got the call? Yeah. Oh, shit. It's my main man. Happy New Year, my brother. Feliz año nuevo, mi amigo. You know, when Lee and I were talking last week who we wanted as a gas week. And I kept thinking Billy Corbin because I had that 3030 taped to watch it. But every time I'm in the hotel room the last couple weeks, I catch the last hour here, 20 minutes here, 18 minutes here. Last night I sat down with my wife and I watched the whole thing. And Billy, you're a bad motherfucker. Billy Corbin's on the air. What's happening, brother? Good morning. Good morning to you. We made it to another year. Yes, we did, Billy Corbin. It blows me the fuck away too. I always think I don't know how to say the Florida does it. Like, I don't know how we managed to,

whether it's just like collapsing under the weight of our own ineptitude and corruption or or global warming finally, sea level rise is coming in, swallowing up the state. I just don't know how we make it. I really don't. If there was any kind of biblical event, we would certainly be the first to go, I think. We certainly deserve it. We've got to come in. Or as Clint Eastwood says in Unforgiven, we've all got to come in. But I think Florida, Florida's got to go first. I mean, that's why I'm here. I want prime real estate for just whatever biblical fate is going to befall this state, like a front row seat. Because I think it's going to be bad one day, but we made it to another year. I'm always impressed. Fucking Florida. It really is a

crazy motherfucking state when you think about it. I look at the kids that ended up in Florida that I grew up with. Like the people ended up in my, you know, I grew up in Western New York, Northburg in that area. It's a big Cuban population. And I always see who went back home, you know, and you're like, ah, I got that guy now because it takes a certain person to live in Miami. I love corruption. I love larceny. I love drugs. I love pussy. And that's all that Miami in South Florida is, correct? I think that's not an unfair assessment. You're looking at the essential ingredients of the community you hit upon most of them. I like Jewish people. I like Cuban people. I mean, everything about Florida points me, but I don't think I'm ready. I never thought I was ready

for Miami. Anytime I thought I was ready for Miami, I go down there and go, not yet. Maybe another two fucking years. These are fucking major league savages down here. Major league savages in Miami with no, they just steal. They just steal. I always say, you'll see it on my Twitter feed all the time, whenever some whacked out, usually national news story strikes anywhere in America, almost anywhere, we always start looking for the Florida connection because the more whacked out the story is, the more likely that there's a Florida connection. And I'll post news stories and I'll be like, there's always a Florida connection, whether we found it or not. I mean, there was just this police chief in Peach Tree, Georgia, and he was moving his gun

at 430 in the morning while he's in bed. And according to him, it accidentally goes off and he shoots his wife. What he, what he first reported to 911 was twice, but actually turned out to only accidentally shoot her once. And sure as shit, where was he a police chief before, before Peach Tree, Georgia, to Cresta in Palm Beach County, where he worked in two police departments, was divorced three times. And this third wife was actually his first wife or something that came back to him who had previously accused him of cheating and being abusive. And of course, the whole thing is like the Florida connection, the entire, the entire story. And that just goes back to, I mean, whether it's the 9-11 terrorists

living in flight training in Florida or, or all the Ponzi schemers, I mean, Bernie Madoff in Palm Beach, or you go back to 1926 for crying out loud, there was an Italian immigrant who got busted in Massachusetts and he fled the jurisdiction and he goes to Florida, the Jacksonville area, in Duvall County, and he starts doing these like land schemes that were popular in Florida, you know, selling swamp land and lies that came true, promising people, you know, 50% on their money or whatever, he gets busted there in, in, in Jacksonville, runs across the state, flees across the state to Tampa, starts running the same scam, he finally gets busted there, gets convicted, does prison time, they extradite him back to Boston where he does prison time.

And the guy's name was Charles Ponzi. And he's the guy for whom they invented the Ponzi scheme and the last place in America that he plied his namesake scam before he was deported back to Italy was in Florida because there's just, there's always a Florida connection with every fucked up story. What about the, what about the guy, the booster and the documentary, who stole $800 million? Oh, sure, yeah, Nevin Shapiro you're talking about, yeah, it's the University of Miami, I like to say, guilty by geography, because you're not going to see this in Kansas or Oklahoma, but when you have high net worth people, which is of course what universities are, are, you know, are going after for donations, when you have high net worth people in Miami,

invariably you're going to find yourself with a certain percentage of nefarious characters or people who got, you know, whose money is, you know, or ill-gotten gains. And the University of Miami has deep connections to not one, not two, but three completely separate and a different, you know, unrelated Ponzi schemers, including Alan Stanford, who was an even bigger scam artist, this guy was a former scuba instructor from Texas, who opens a bank for crying out loud, and the state of Florida, he comes here, he wants to sell these like completely questionable financial instruments, these certificates of deposit from an offshore bank that this guy started in the Virgin Islands, which immediately, no one else, well, Antigua was where it was,

a bank in Antigua, opened by a former Texas scuba instructor. So where does he think he's going to have the easiest time of it? In Florida, of course, and the securities of folks in the state of Florida actually license him to sell these completely questionable instruments. He opens a huge office in downtown Miami, starts selling these certificates of deposit, it's a gigantic multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme, and of course, University of Miami finds themselves the defendants in a clawback lawsuit because he donated millions of dollars to the University of Miami and to their, they're actually award-winning, an incredible marine biology school that they have, and now you have the bankruptcy trustee who's trying to get some money back

for the victims of this guy, is suing the University of Miami, then as you mentioned, you've got Nevin Shapiro, who is the high-profile booster of the University of Miami football and basketball programs. He got busted in an 800, 900 million dollar Ponzi scheme and donated a lot of money to the University, including having a plaque with his name and face for a time on the student athlete lounge at the University of Miami. Yeah, that picture you have in the documentary of the president looking at the $50,000 check in the bowling alley. Oh my god. That was crazy. That was crazy. Dude, just smiling like a check. But that's, dude, Joey knows it. That's Miami, man. As long as the

checks are clearing and the booze is flowing, nobody asks any questions about where the money comes from in a place like Miami. It's not like, I was, I try to compare it to people, so they understand. It's not like the Northeast, where there's like old money, you know, or legacies, where, oh, who's, you know, what's your last name? Who's your family? You know, it's not like that in Miami. Anybody who's rich down here is, for the most part, nouveau rich. You know, everybody's new rich, so it's like nobody cares about where you come from. You're here and you've got money. It's like everybody's like, you know, the great fucking Gadsby down here. You know, it's just like, as long as the party's going on, you know, raging, nobody cares. And

that's happened. Time and again, there's a great story about that, that we're, what we're doing at Dock on. This is back into the 90s story. Chris Pachello and the liquid nightclub, it was called Liquid, and it was the first of that South Beach renaissance. It was the first like front page kind of nightclub in South Beach. Back when South Beach was just making that transition from God's waiting room, you know, inhabited mostly by elderly Jewish Holocaust survivors, and then, of course, the Mario Lito criminals who had kind of filtered their way through either dead or in prison or up to Jersey, Chicago. And this guy opens this nightclub, takes over a space from Mickey Rourke and his sister, which was, I mean, in case it's not abundantly clear,

was mob connected. And this, this particular location, his nightclub burns down, what they call an Italian fire sale or get struck by Jewish lightning. As a result of a, a cigarette wedged in a couch. Yes, that's right. In a couch. That's right. That's right. And Joey knows how this works. And he opens up this new place, Liquid, and Liza Manelli shows up to the red carpet and says, wow, this is like Studio 54. The next thing you know, this guy, good looking young Italian kid in his 20s, who allegedly came down here with a buddy who used to sell ecstasy at Liquid in New York with a quote, motorcycle accident settlement check. And he opens this nightclub and he becomes, I mean, like, like a tabloid darling. He's sleeping with Madonna and Sophia Vergara,

and Nikki Taylor, and it's this whole thing. And what winds up happening is he turns out to be a gangster. You know, from, from Staten Island, who was running various bank, bank heists, and was involved in the, in a failed home invasion that wound up murder of a Staten Island housewife. And it's just one of those, one of those, this guy was throwing fundraisers for the mayor of Miami Beach and the Miami Children's Hospital, you know, at one point. And months later, he's, he's a mugshot with a completely different last name. It's not Chris Pacello. It's Chris Ludwigson. And the New York, you know, the village voice has got him on the cover of the newspaper. Do you think of these people kept a

lower profile? They wouldn't get caught? There's no low profile in Miami. You go big. You go big. I mean, you have to fucking go big. Well, I have this question. I got to ask you something because I tell people every day you have the best Twitter feed there is. I fuck. I laugh 20 times a fucking day with you. What is it with black women in Miami? They lose their fucking mind. They stop combing their hair. Then they throw their kids in the oven. What the fuck? What is it with black women in Miami that they fucking kill their kids and shit? That son does that. They look like James Brown, the mugshot that has all fucked up and shit. It is something about black women in Miami lose their fucking mind and kill their kids. You had like three stories last week about black women

fucking lighting the kid on fire. She shot her husband. The one, what was the story? Where did this happen? That the lady took the, the baby took the handgun out of the person and shot the woman at the supermarket and one more. Thank God that wasn't Florida. But her cousin is related to something in Miami. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting on the Florida connection on that one. But that was in Idaho of all places, which sounds completely sketchy. I mean, a two-year-old in the mother's purse, you know, the mother's walking around Walmart, of course, with a concealed weapon, a permitted, a legal concealed weapon, but the kid somehow pulls the trigger and shoots and kills the mom, which is just horrible. But like, how does that happen? Like, what kind of, what kind of

weak trigger is this on that, on this gun? I mean, I've never heard, I mean, a two-year-old having the strength to, I mean, I don't know if there's more to it that we certainly are waiting, you know, waiting on the Florida connection. But those were white people in Idaho. And I will tell you that everybody goes crazy, not just black women in Florida. And it's funny you talk about the hair. I always think about that when, when I, when you see these people on meth, I think one of the first, like, symptoms of meth is really irresponsible hair style decision-making. I mean, you see it, like, their hair goes straight to hell. You're like, what color is that supposed to be in? What's with your roots? Like, right away, you're like, what's going on here? You need to go and

get your, your hair done again. There was these two people, this was like one of my, one of my new year's stories. This, this white dude and this white lady were found, they had locked themselves in like a supplies closet at a college in Daytona Beach. And they had been in there for like three days. And the police say that they had found some drug paraphernalia related to crack smoking. Yeah, the scouring plans. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was one of the, it was cracker meth. I mean, you could sort of like tell right away. And it was just like, and they had like locked themselves in and the guy like called for help, even though they had locked themselves in. They could get out whenever they wanted to, but the guy like called for help. The door wasn't even locked.

The door doesn't lock from the inside, they said. The police were like, how did they lock themselves in? And they just didn't, they were freaked out. Yeah. Yeah, they were, they just started freaking out in the closet at the Daytona Beach. I don't know, when was it, Joe, you, you've been to Daytona Beach like in, in, in recent years at all or ever. It's a crazy place. 25 years probably. Oh, well, you're not missing anything. Still famous for being a place where you can drive your car on the beach, you know, physically drive your car on the beach. Um, and the only thing this town had going for them was MTV spring break. You know, we come down every year every year and do the live broadcast. That was like, that put them on

blast, that put them on spotlight. Well, the city, you know, the city leaders and their infinite wisdom decided that's not the reputation that they want to have anymore. And so they throw out, they literally chase MTV away and then they have nothing. The recession hits, you know, in 2008 and the place becomes like tumbleweed, like a ghost town. I went there, I had a girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend, I built a time, she was from there. And so we were driving across the street and we, we, I had never been and it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. I mean, it was a beach town where nobody wanted to go to the beach. I mean, I don't even know how to describe, remind me of, it reminded me of Brigantine, New Jersey in the winter, you know, like a beach

town, a beach town in the off season where like businesses were just shuttered up and like people were just financially depressed and addicted to drugs. And it was really one of the saddest things I've ever seen. And some of the worst stories out of Florida come out of Daytona Beach. It's really, it's really just terrible. I really, really, really enjoy, you know, I got to be honest with you, I grew up on football, I grew up on basketball and once 85 came, Billy, I just stopped watching, you know, I just, just drugs and being a criminal and trying to get your life together and getting locked up and somewhere along the line, I missed everything, you know, and there were flashes, I remember Michael Irvin at Miami, you know, I remember a

couple of games, but I didn't get to know the players and the names and all that stuff and stats and the national championship to me, you know, whatever, I don't fucking know. It's January 8th, some years, it's January 3rd, I can't make up your fucking mind, you know. You know, I watched the first one you did, the U, you know, and I was blown away with Luke and everything. This one blew me away a little more because I didn't know they had gone down that far. I didn't know that, what point, I mean, it's amazing how they turned the program back around by 2001. That little black dude, Santana Moss, he's got a fan. How emotional he got and how, and the blades. Yeah, Al Blades, look, look to the guy next to you and say he's the baddest

motherfucker in here. Like, I just, I thought of you as soon as he was saying that, he was going crazy. He was going crazy. Now, what were the Blades brothers, which one shot himself, or got shot at a party? Well, there was three Blades brothers. Al died in a car accident. There was like a string of car accidents. Like, it was terrible that it took really popular big time Miami football players, including former football players, including Jerome Brown, who was like, he was like the Al Blades of the 80s. He died in a car accident. And, but the two brothers, Benny and Brian, who were, we'll call them the original, you know, the original Blades brothers, because they both played, they played in the 1980s.

And they, they're still around, thankfully. They both went on to play professionally. Um, you had, uh, Sean Taylor, of course, who would do it, who would tragically, uh, while he's playing for the Redskins, would go, would be shot and killed in his home. You had, uh, Marlon Barnes, which is a really sad story from 96. It was the, the spring before I started at the University of Miami in the fall. He was beaten to death in his on-campus apartment at the University of Miami. It was a, it was his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend who targeted them and beat them both to death, uh, in the on-campus apartment. He was found, um, by his, by his roommates, um, in, in the way, all football players, of course, uh, in the, um, in the apartment.

And, uh, actually Ray Lewis was one of, uh, Marlon Barnes' roommates or, you know, apartment mates. So Ray Lewis played at Miami too? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Ray Lewis, uh, Ed, Ed Reid. Um, uh, uh, these are the guys that, that played in, in, you know, uh, uh, Ray Lewis and, and Warren Sapp played in that, in that kind of grim era of, you know, of, of like the early into the mid 90s. So they, they kind of fall in a moment in history that almost is like between the two documentaries, you know, like the first doc kind of ends in, in about 92 and then we're, we're kind of in 95, 96, you know, a little bit when the, when the second documentary starts. So like, yeah, so they were in that, but they started the trend. I mean, the University of

Miami, um, had, you know, for, I mean, 17 years, 18 years on end, had at least one first round, uh, draft pick, um, every single year consecutively. It's this, it's the, it's the, the greatest run to this day, uh, in the history of, of the NFL draft. I think it was set, I'm pretty sure it was 17, um, well, 17 first round draft picks, just out of that one class, that 2001 class is what, what is it? Levitar called it a nuclear absurdity. Um, because the talent on that one roster is just psychotic because you have 38 guys from one college football team that went pro, which is insane. 17 of them, uh, first round draft picks. Well, one of the, one of the great stats that we didn't put in the movie, um, the hurricane that there was a 149 consecutive

regular season weeks in the NFL, where a former Miami Hurricanes scored a touchdown in an NFL game. So see for years and years and years on end, there was, there was never a week of NFL football regular season, where you didn't have a Miami hurricane, uh, scoring a touchdown, which is like insane. Um, but that was the level of talent, uh, that started coming out of that school in the 80s, but it was really the 90s where it, where it hit that stride. And you mentioned Santana Moss. I mean, you know, I'm a little guy, Santana isn't much bigger than I am. And he just started, I think his 14th season in the NFL, the average career in the NFL is 3.3 years. So like you had these guys, they were just a, a, a special kind of, of, of in shape, you know, a special kind of

conditioned, uh, they were trained, uh, you know, on another level and, and you had, you know, first round draft picks backing each other up, you know, future pro bowlers, uh, who, who were sitting on, on the bench in the two, in the late 90s, early 2000s, um, because the depth of talent and the competition on the team was just absolutely out of, out of control. Well, I went to, I went to Fort Lauderdale last June and when I walked outside of the airport, I was already sweating. I couldn't imagine doing football practices in that heat in the summer. It's a great point. I think that's part of what, that's part of the conditioning. I mean, you, you practice, you know, at high noon, um, in Miami and, and you're just, you're, you're just going to eventually be a better

physical specimen. And that's exactly what happened. I mean, these guys weren't training it. If you didn't drop out, uh, obviously along the way with, with what a lot of people did, um, you were just going to turn into a better, uh, you know, more resilience and powerful football player. And that's exactly what these guys did. I think someone did the math and, and they figured, you know, with, with, with the contracts of a lot of these guys that the 2001 Miami Hurricanes, I think were about, they would have cost about $198 million in the NFL or did, or did eventually cost $198 million, uh, in the NFL with all the, the starters and, and draft picks that went on, went on to play. So you had, you know, uh, people say to this day that, that that team,

the 2001 Miami Hurricanes in 2001 would have gone to the playoffs in the NFL with that, with that level of, of, of even college talent. It's, it's, it's remarkable. One thing I noticed about that documentary, you know, I went to the University of Colorado, I had a friend that, uh, went down to ASU and I used to go to that campus a lot. When I was a kid, I'd go to Rutgers to play basketball and I saw the, the teams there that were assembled. And I got, when I was, uh, young, I got to go to five star basketball camp in the eighth grade. I got a scholarship and I got to see Dominic Wilkins and all these kids, you know. And one thing I learned last night after watching that documentary and watching the first one,

takes a certain player to go to Miami. You have to know what your sophomore year in high school. First off, uh, they're, they're walking a thin line. They all walked the thin line. You and I both know it, that they were all on that thuggery line. Okay. They all had a little larsing their blood and they all could beat the fuck out of it. You know, they could, they could have taken their lives two ways. And I see all these big black guys, smiling, laughing in the interviews, and I loved it. But then once in a while, you throw a white dude in there and that white dude was crazy than the black dudes. He just, oh my God, I know him personally. He hangs out with Loops. Oh really? Yeah. I met him when he was a giant in New Jersey with Loops at the fucking

ground round there doing his thing. That dude is fucking nuts. You know, you had another white dude that was blonde head that had a beautiful smile. Greg Olson, that dude was for you to hang with those brothers. He did a rap song. You got to be fucking nuts because those brothers lift you up. Those black dudes, when you're white and you hang out with that many black dudes, it lifts you up. It makes you a different type of fucking savage. I'm thinking to myself, if I had been blessed with the football gifts and I had a scholarship, there's only one school I could have gone to. Miami. That's it. I wouldn't have mind getting a helmet and beating the fuck out of you with that helmet. I wouldn't have mind doing a grandma blow and I wouldn't have mind taking 50,000 from

the sponsor and getting my dick sucked and my balls licked. It takes a certain kind of fucking student. You know, I was in Colorado and I seen all those bad teams. Remember, way before your time, Billy, the University of Colorado had this horrible reputation because it's a white city and you'd have these black kids and then they, you know, Cornavus McGee and then all these fucking these kids, but they always accused the quarterback, whatever his name was, of selling crack, that on the weekends he was a Crip. He called an LA and get crackling and drive back to Colorado on the weekends and sell it. These guys all came from shit, especially the ones in your documentary. Those black kids in Miami, they didn't come from no fucking great homes.

You could tell. That was a popular saying in the 80s during recruiting was, was, regardless of what color of nationality where they say like, is this a Miami guy? He's got to be a Miami guy. You got to know it in your heart. There's Penn State guys. There's guys that want to go to army. There's guys that want to go to Notre Dame. There's guys that want to go to Nebraska. They go to Miami. You got to have a certain fucking animalistic savagery to you. It just, you could tell all of them had that little thing that they could have gone either way, could have gone either way. And you could, you're saying, I mean, how there was one case where the kid got shot. So who gets fucking shot in college? Who hangs out with these fucking people? I didn't hang out

with people in college that carry guns and I'm fucking nuts. They did down there. It's Miami. Yeah. They said that like he, the guy who, his roommate, who the guy who got shot, said he had his gun on him and they all said like, the new coach made them turn in their guns and they were, can you fucking believe that? Oh, this is funny. So, uh, Dan Lebatard is sitting next to Butch Davis at the premiere of the U part two. This was just two days before the movie premiered on ESPN last month and, uh, they get to that part in the documentary where, uh, Butch Davis asks the students, the student athletes to please turn in their guns and Butch Davis leans it over to Dan Lebatard during the movie and says, I only got half of them.

Because not everybody turned, not everybody turned their gun in. Um, because some, some students and perhaps rightfully so, considering some of the incidents, uh, off field, some of them felt like they needed to, uh, protect themselves and, uh, listen, it's Florida. Some people, you know, people today still need to, uh, to protect themselves. So I think I would, I would advise anybody here to, uh, to, uh, consider, uh, you know, a concealed, uh, carry a permit and maybe not keep it in their purse in the shopping cart with their children at Walmart, but to consider, you know, a concealed carry permit if you're going to live in Florida. After the premiere, anybody come up to you and say they didn't like what you put in the movie or

they were disappointed? Have you had any of those? I mean, not from, I love the film, for the film, Billy. I'm just talking about one of the guys that were there and he players and he coaches that came up to you and said, you know, Billy, what the fuck? Yeah. Uh, there's, there's always a few of those because when you, you know, I'm not shy about my, my, my affinity for Miami as a location, as, as, as a football program, I'm obviously a fan, but at the same time we try to be, uh, objective. I mean, we kind of show it works at all. I mean, and it's, it's not all a, uh, a love story and a, and, and a glory story. I mean, a lot of it is, is, is a little dark and, and, and scandalous and so there were certainly

people who were disappointed about this, the, the, the focus, the second half on Nevin Shapiro, the Ponzi schema, the scandals, the, the downfall, let's say, you know, the first hour is the first half because it's about a hundred minutes. But the first half is this kind of, you know, football-centric, celebratory, nostalgic trip with, with not only the greatest college football team of all time, but arguably one of the greatest NFL teams ever assembled with, with that talent. Um, and then the second half, I think is when it opens up a little bit more because for me, I think these, these sports documentaries or sports movies are most successful, the less they're about sports. Uh, you know, and the more they're, they're about something else,

they're trying to, to kind of give you the bigger picture of whether it was, you know, how Miami transitioned, um, into the early zeros, you know, into the kind of white collar, uh, uh, you know, crime capital of America where we perfected all of these different schemes. They were the, of course, real estate schemes and Medicare fraud, which was a, a, which remains a major economic engine in the state of Florida. Um, the governor re-elected last November of the state of Florida was the CEO of the, of the hospital company responsible for the largest Medicare fraud in the history of America. They paid over $1 billion in penalties. The man made his fortune on Medicare fraud. He's the governor of the state of Florida. Um, you, you think I

well, who better I guess to be the governor of the state of Florida than, than someone who knows a little something about one of our biggest, our state's biggest industries. Uh, and, and of course Ponzi schemes and that, you know, Miami became a, you know, what, it was less the cocaine cowboys and more about the white collar crime. And so we talk about that a little bit and, you know, so there's certainly people who, who were in it for the football nostalgia, who were like, did you really have to go, uh, you know, that far, that deep into it? And I don't know. I think the answer is yes. Yes. Kind of what you were, you were getting into about being a Miami guy and why it's, it's unique to be here. Um, and that, that darkness, that edge is part of the,

part of the appeal. Um, you know, and, and listen, this is a guy who, uh, Nevin Shapiro, who fooled people a lot richer and a lot smarter than a bunch of teenage football players. You know, he was swindling doctors and lawyers and really intelligent people. He was swindling Donna Shalala, the president of the university of Miami, who was on the, uh, Bill Clinton's cabinet, you know, health and human services secretary. So he, he was fooling up. So, you know, I, I thought that, that this was an interesting, uh, interesting kind of guy and interesting character. Also not alumni at the university of Miami, but, but to me, he's just one in a long line of schemers and scammers and swindlers, uh, some of whom, you know, we, we had their names on,

on streets here in Miami. I mean, for crying out, I always try to put it into perspective, you know, Nevin Shapiro was involved in a $900 million Ponzi scheme, but Marlins Park will cost taxpayers $2.4 billion. So who's the bigger, who's the bigger, uh, you know, hustler? Is it, is it Nevin Shapiro or is it Jeff Lauria and the ownership of the Miami Marlins major league baseball team? Like, but, but, but, but one of them goes to federal prison and the other one is a, uh, you know, is a local pillar of the community. I mean, but that's the problem. That's the gray area of, of Miami, of Florida, and I think progressively of America. It's like, it's, it's, it's now all, like it, it, everybody, anybody with any modicum of success is a hustler to some

extent. And it just becomes, you know, about whether or not you can walk that fine line and be friends and pay off the right people to avoid any consequences for it. And Miami pioneers that lack of accountability. Well, it's not Miami. It's everywhere. If you throw money at somebody, you know, right now in the UFC in two weeks, this Conor McGregor kid is fighting. Everybody knows that he's going to beat up Dennis Siva. And then they're going to put him in a fucking arena with Jose Aldo. Everybody knows the fighters know it's, it's well known that it's a scam. Give him Frank and Frank Jaguar. Let's see where the fuck this goes. But no, they know, but they just want that pay off in Ireland. They know that if they sell in the arena out, they walk out of it with

$30 million. They don't give a fuck what they oversee anything for money. You know, and a lot of people do that. I mean, I'm sitting here. I'm sitting there last night. I'm sitting there a month ago when the documentary came out and I'm watching this never in Shapiro. Listen, let's pretend I went to the University of Colorado, which I did. And I went there and I took three, you know, I didn't graduate, but I got to tell you something. What happens tomorrow? I get a $10 million deal and I go back to the University of Colorado and I go, Hey, I want to donate $100,000 to the fucking library, but I want my honorary degree. Boom, I get it. That's okay. You know, I went for three and a half years. All right, make me take two more fucking classes,

make me do a thesis on something and give me the degree. Okay, that's one thing. But for me, Joe Diaz to get money tomorrow and just to walk into Miami as a fan and go, I want to be on the fucking field with these guys. That was the only thing that depressed me that the field to me is fucking, listen, you're going to come to my house and you're going to might you might come to the podcast studio, hang out with me. You're never going to get on stage with me. Do you understand me? I worked hard to get on that stage. I worked really hard. I sacrificed things. That's the only thing I didn't like about never in Shapiro. I get in never in Shapiro and I get the people around them when the president, that little cunt is looking

at the jacket with that smile on her face. You don't give a fuck what Nevin does for a living or whatever. We don't, we, we never do. Look at the mafia for 20 years. What destroyed the mafia? Do me a favor, Billy. Don't sell fucking heroin, Billy. We got these construction, we got prostitution, we got numbers, the fucking drugs, the heroin people get pissed at. It got to believe that the people that were telling you not to sell heroin were the biggest heroin dealers. Castellano was telling John Gotti not to sell heroin, but he was taking heroin money from his captains that were fucking. It was greed. It's greed and that's, this country was built on greed. You know, greed is going to be there till the end of fucking time. For some people,

for some people, it, it, they know. I know that money wouldn't make my life any much better than what it is now. I know this now because I'm 50. I didn't know this when I was 21. I thought if I had 10 million fucking dollars that all my problems were solved. Boy, are we fucking wrong. Look at Bill Cosby. How much money does he have? How much money does Bill Cosby have? Can you imagine to die with this? I don't care how much money he has. I'm not having a drink with him. No, no. And you're not spending new years with him and you're not partying with him. The point is, guess what? In Florida, they, they fucking, they didn't cancel them. They gave them a standing ovation. You know, there's honor amongst fucking thieves. Well, you know, I, well, what's, what's that line?

I always, I go to, it's at, uh, Los Angeles is where you go when you want to be somebody. New York is where you go when you are somebody and Miami is where you go when you want to be somebody else. I mean, it's the, it's the classic Chris Pichella, Chris Lugler's second, second chances. Yeah. And the people embrace you because they're doing the same fucking thing as you are. For quite a lot of Charlie, Chris just ran for governor again. This guy was a former Republican governor, turned independent Senate candidate, turned Democratic gubernatorial candidate. I mean, if that's not an indication of a state where you can reinvent yourself time and time again, I mean, I was talking about naming, naming streets after people in downtown Miami, there's a street

which nobody would look at. Uh, nobody would look at twice, uh, called Abel Holtz Road, uh, Boulevard actually, Abel Holtz Boulevard. And the, the Abel Holtz back in the, trying to think of what year he was convicted. I think it was like, uh, uh, the, the late 80s, early 90s. He was famous for having paid off a mayor of Miami beach named Alex Dowd, who later went to federal prison. And this guy lied to a grand jury big time, big time banker down here in Miami, still a very popular and prominent member of the community. He confessed, uh, pled guilty to lying to a grand jury under oath in this, in this corruption investigation. And, uh, uh, it, the street is named after him in downtown. The joke is that Abel Holtz Boulevard leads

to the federal courthouse. Uh, because it actually does the street with his name on it takes you right to the federal courthouse where he pled guilty to lying to a, uh, a grand jury. I mean, it's just like, but that's, that's Miami. That's, uh, you know, that's, that's just how we roll. A little birdie told me that you'll be here next month. It's true. Yeah. So, but well, no, at the end of this month, it's January already. We made it. Oh, shit. Could you please give me a call? Will you please give me a call when I'm in town so Lee and I can take you out to dinner? I would love it in fact, but you know, one of my, my new year's resolutions is to start waking up as early as you guys do. Um, no, this is just the first to get everybody started for

the year until everybody know it's a new year and you got a fucking attack this year with different goals and different perspective, you know, and now we just wanted to start today at 6am. We've been doing them at nine, eight o'clock at night lately. We do the night ones. So when you come in, we'll go to dinner and then we'll smoke a number. We'll blow shotgun in your face. I know you don't like reefer and you come out and talk. I don't smoke. I don't smoke. I don't smoke. Everybody's so disappointed, but I don't smoke. We don't want you to smoke. We want you to be just the way you are. But when you come out, uh, Lee and I went, how long are you coming out to town for? I don't know. Probably just a few days. I'm hoping to make it a little bit longer though,

because we come out there very rarely and it's always such a short trip. So I'm hoping to make it a little longer. It'll be the last week of the month. Okay. Please Billy, let me buy you a steak and a girlfriend. Let me give her some medibles. I don't know what happened to Florida with them not passing that fucking law because everybody wants to smoke pot. So they jammed the fucking computer boxes again. Jed Bush was hard at work. How didn't they pass that medical marijuana law down there? It's passed everywhere, everywhere. It got, it got almost 59. That is 59, 59% of the vote, uh, which is just a, it's just a remarkable thing. Um, I mean, I'll put it to you this way. I don't, I, there's not a lot of politicians,

including, uh, the governor of the state were, were elected, uh, with 59% of the vote. We have a, a law here in Florida that if you want to amend the state constitution, you have to get a super majority. Um, so we had to cross that 60% line. Um, I, Rick, Rick Scott got 48% of the vote. Um, and one, uh, amendment two got nearly 59% of the vote and failed, but that's Florida. That's Florida math, baby. I mean, that's, that's the way it goes. I mean, and, and, and now you're not going to really see, unfortunately, I, I don't think a move on the part of our legislators to do anything. We know it's the will of the people. We know the vast majority of the money that went to support, I mean, 80 plus percent of the money that went into a campaign against

medical marijuana in Florida was from outside the state of Florida. So the people really supporting it were all in the state of Florida, but we were outspent and outgunned, so to speak, and we still nearly passed the damn thing. I think they could see the writing is on the wall. This is, you know, that's a thing in Florida. You know, the further north you go, the further south you are. Uh, I mean, you've got now clerks of courts. Uh, tonight at midnight is when the, um, the, uh, gay marriage, same-sex marriage in Florida is basically legal as of midnight. Um, and you've got clerks of court. These are public servants in the northern part of the state of Florida who are now no longer, they have canceled all marriages, like, you know,

get people go to the clerk and they say, okay, we'll get our license and then we can do, have a ceremony right there. They're canceling all marriage ceremonies so that they don't have to conduct same-sex marriages. They're basically telling everybody, you kid, we're not doing the ceremonies here anymore. You know, the, the old, you know, get married on the courthouse steps, kind of nonsense. They won't do that anymore because they don't want to marry same-sex couples. So that's the attitude of, so it's really to Florida's. That's the problem. I would, you know, Florida is a, is a, is a red state. It's a, it's, it's, it's America's red penis with the blue foreskin that they wish they could just circumcise, you know, off the state. And truth be told,

we wish it too because a lot of their revenue in the state of, you know, in, in, in, in Tallahassee, in the state capital comes from South Florida, comes, your tourists don't go to Tallahassee. Tourists come to Orlando and Miami and Palm Beach and, and the keys, you know, they come to South Florida. Um, which is, it's, I compare what I say. It's like Atlanta is to Georgia. You know what I mean? It's just kind of like, uh, uh, uh, reasonable modern, you know, metropolis in the midst of basically, uh, deliverance, you know, dueling banjos is the rest of the state of Florida. And they just think the scourge of marijuana was going to, you know, was going to turn our white women to jazz and black men, like literally reefer madness shit. Um, and I, I, I, but I think that

that when you see the numbers, even being outspent the way that we were, you see nearly 59% of the vote. And you know, the old guard, I think is, is dying off. And that's the thing. You have a lot of older people who vote and then don't stick around long enough to confront the consequences of their electoral behavior. Uh, I think that that's, I think that that's going to change. And, and if we have another, another shot at this, I think it's a foregone conclusion, um, that sick children will finally get the medicine that they, that they need. That's what it's come to in the, uh, in the state of Florida, that people were willing to look, you know, eight year old girls who have hundreds of seizures a day in the face and say, no, you can't have the medicine

that your doctor says that you need. This is my business for some reason, what your private medical situation is. And I'm telling you, no, you have to continue taking these toxic pharmaceutical drugs that drug dealers and lab coats give you that who, the side effects of which are, are, are sometimes worse than your original symptoms. And that's what you're going to, I mean, they're literally torturing children down here. And that's, and that's okay, uh, by Floridians, but I don't think that's going to be the, the case for, for much longer. Like I said, I think the old guard is dying out and there's a new generation of millennials and, and, and, and free thinking, uh, uh, freedom loving murricans, uh, down here

in Florida who are going to change things in this, in, in, in, you know, in, in the next, uh, in the next generation. Oh, if not, I'm going to show up with a big bag of reef and a big dick and sling it down there. I love you Billy Corbin. I hope so. We're going to give up because if, if, if, if we fail next time, we're going to need all the help we can get. I mean, that's it. It's going to be Sodom and Gomorrah time, uh, down here because, uh, it's just that this, this, this town is, uh, you know, that, that's the thing is you get a new generation of leadership and you think like I very optimistically just declared that,

that there's going to be some kind of, uh, kind of a change here. And I think the only change might be the sea level, you know, uh, to drown us all, um, which, which, which at some point might just be okay. Uh, you know, the only higher ground we have or the higher elevation we have are these condos, uh, that we built and, um, and, and continue to build just unfettered construction. And that's like, that's the name of the game down here. Uh, now is basically money laundering from South America, Eastern Europe, Russia, uh, money laundering through these, these condos and developments here, um, in downtown Miami, especially in Brickle and South Beach. Um, and those guys, I mean, the big time developers here, they're basically like the

cocaine cowboys. Uh, now not only with the money laundering, but they literally just have all of the politicians bought and they're, they're free to do just about anything that they want to do, including rob the public coffers and get public money for sometimes multi-billion dollar development projects to, to pay for infrastructure, as they call it, infrastructure improvements. And these guys are making campaign contributions to politicians who are running unopposed. They're running unopposed. They've got no opponent. They've got no campaign to run, but they're getting hundreds of thousands of dollars in the legal so-called legal campaign contributions. And again, I know that's happening everywhere, but you look in South Florida and

we pioneer that those, these techniques. I mean, you know, they used to say, uh, what the Florida of today is the America of tomorrow. And if you want to know what calamities, what schemes and scams are going to befall America in the next decade or two, you, you, you stick to thermometer in Florida and you take a look at what's going on down here and you will know, you know, the shit that's going to go down nationwide in the next, uh, a decade or two. And that, that bears itself out in, in, in everything. You go back through history and you realize that Florida is the barometer. It's the canary in the coal mine for all of America's, uh, uh, uh, your biggest, uh, biggest shitstorms. They all, they all form or, or gather steam and, and strength

are down here in Florida. Well, it's time to fucking do something. Billy, call me when you get to town. I love you, cocksucker. I'm happy you called in today. It's always a knowledge of fucking, uh, a wealth of knowledge when you call in anytime, guys. Happy new year. I love you, Billy. Thank you for calling in, man. That was fucking in that you too. I loved it with all my heart. Thank you. I appreciate it. I hopefully someday we'll have a reason to do a part three. We'll see how it goes. It's not going well though. Okay. I love you. Have a good week. Happy new year. What's the story there, Lisa? What's the story buddy? A little bit of music. I gotta go take a fucking pee that is killing

me. My dick is backed up. That's it. All right, buddy. I'm done. If you're in LA, Joey's at the improv this weekend is on Melrose. So let me check. You used to do with me. Who'll leave you to the 10th, eight and 1030. It's coming in Buffalo on the 22nd to the 24th at helium on the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio 29th to the 31st. It's high as fuck, guys.

So far we're back, bitches. Sorry about that. The coffee, the fucking protein shake, and these two things of water had my fucking bladder on fire. My protein shake sucked this morning too. What do you do wrong because I don't drink the same protein shake. I mix them up a little bit, but I'm back to fucking on it. That chocolate that I bought from the other place sucked, so I had to put the on it because the on it tastes fucking delicious. So I put the on it back into that shake sucked this morning. I drank. I'm like, what the fuck's going on with this? Because I always switch them up protein five. That one on it. And there's one other one I like to switch around. I'm just sticking with the on the cocoa now. Yeah, that thing is a lot better. Tastes a lot

fucking better. No, that was interesting. Florida has always been a fuck. Every time I go to fucking Florida, you know, my mom didn't like Florida and my mom was cubanist could be she just thought that something was always fucking wrong down there. So if you get a if you get chances, follow fucking Billy on Twitter if you want to see it was great. It was I had to try to go getting it because I recorded it like two or three times and like women's volleyball was on and one time a game went late so I didn't get it. And it was just it took me a while to find it, but I watched it all last night and it's good. It's a it's a it's a it's a longer one than I was. I thought it was gonna be like an hour. It's like an hour 45. It's great. You know, it's funny.

I stayed home from December 6th on I went to the UFC. We did the the South Point casino, which I didn't show up this week. We just got out of there too late. We got 115 130 and they were hungry and the mushrooms were kicking and I just didn't want to go to South Point and fuck them up. You know, it's a 20 minute ride out there by the time we got out there with them and fucked up. So I took those three weeks off and I didn't take them off. I didn't take them off from comedy or from the podcast. I took them off from touring from getting on a plane. I just wanted to try something and I and I changed my writing around my writing day. The time of the day I wrote. I also started writing the book again. And I've got three chapters and I didn't

write the usual stories. I wrote more about my state of mind and what the things were bothering me when I was young and I got three good chapters in the exercise. And I just wanted it was like I was preparing for 2015 and I'm very happy. A lot of people don't have that opportunity. I don't even think about that. Like I really wanted to hit 2015. I appreciate what you said about my sets last week because you know, I have even been performing a lot like I've been on stage every night. I had to go out of my comfort zone also. By the way, I want to cheer Di Agostino. I want to congratulate him. He quit the Ha Ha Cafe. That's awesome. You know, I was on Di Agostino for about three months. I didn't want to talk about on the podcast because I love Di Agostino. He's a

funny guy. But Eddie Griffin once told me something that you get into stand-up not to have a job. And he was even talking about television, you know, that you get into stand-up. He goes, he got into stand-up so he wouldn't have to be somewhere at eight o'clock in the morning. And I'm not talking about jobs or bad jobs, Tony, but I'm just, you know, when you're a comedian, what your goal is is to finally break away from this day job. And sometimes we fall into a comfort zone that we think we can't make it without that day job, without that constant income. And Lee went through it last year. It's a scary part when you choose your art over your, you know, you said some interesting that you wanted it to be a more, a better podcast. Maybe we'd make more

money from the sponsors. I wish the sponsors want to waste sometimes, Lee. Because it puts a different thing on the show. I want this podcast, you want this podcast to be the strongest it could be for us to always, you know, be sharp and be on top of it. And I really enjoyed how this podcast opened up today with you getting out of your comfort zone. When you told me you had gone to yoga the other day, I was on the phone and my head blew up kind of. But I knew it was a big step for you. And I know it's like when I went to Redondo Beach for the Higgin the Childless seminar on a Sunday at 12 o'clock. I fucking hate it. But it opened up doors for me. It always will open up a door for you. Even if you had a, I mean, when you do something out of your comfort

zone, even if the experience is bad, you feel high. You get a high from it because you did something in the positive direction. Even though if you didn't think the experience was good, you're still going to get something from it, Lee. Somewhere along the line, you're going to get something from it. And that's what I don't think. When I see people sometimes, I think they shut themselves down, you know? It gets very easy to be comfortable in something. And I never want people to come. People were being raised. I had the same problem. And not that I was raised like that. Maybe television, maybe something fucked with me, that money would make your life that much better. It really doesn't. You know, when you look at your career as a stand-up or as a musician,

you're not going to make money until you find two in your act. It's a catch-22. Nobody's going to pay you to find two in your act. And then nobody's going to pay you to start music. I'm going to start playing ukulele today and I'm going to put a fucking band together. That's something that you want to do from your insights. Something that comes from your insights. Something that, you know, when you have a job, it's not a job if you enjoy it. They give you a check at the end of the week, oh my god, how lucky am I? I get to do what I love and I get to find the check. But now you're going to go, Joey, how do I find what I love by going out of your comfort zone? That's what you're going to find, what you love. That's it. That's playing the fucking simple. I think I try

as many things as I can. I'm going to Jiu Jitsu today. I'm going with Salami today because I can't go over the hill because the baby is sick still. We don't know what the fuck's going on. The baby still doesn't come back till Wednesday. You know, for the last couple weeks I've been knocked down on Jiu Jitsu, but I really wasn't getting anywhere with it. I really wasn't getting anywhere with it. I felt that I kept going and my breathing is still bad and I still got anxiety when I'm on the bottom and I still got to stop and stuff and I took the flight the other day with Big John McCarthy. We both flew out of Burbank to Vegas and Big John has a school in Valencia, you know, the ultimate fighting and whatever the fuck it is up there in Valencia. He does a great

job. I know people from V-MAC have gone up there for the open mat and also for his competitions. He puts together and I asked him, I go, what are these problems I'm having? He was first off, Joey, you're 51 years old. You're going up against 20-year-olds and you're judging yourself on that. That's not the way you should judge yourself. You should judge yourself by the little accomplishments that you're making. If you last three and a half minutes this Monday, you did better. Now two Wednesday go for four minutes and eventually he goes, I don't want you straining. I want you to just flow and don't worry about what happens. He drew this completely different picture on this one-hour flight to Vegas and I got excited. I got very excited and the vertigo fucked me up on being on my back

but it really doesn't matter. I'm going back today and this is what you need to do as a human being to get forward sometimes. It's not the big things. It's the fucking little things, Lee. It really is. For me, it's always been the little steps. Those little baby steps blow the fuck up. I hate going out at night, Lee. I'm to the point where for a long time I didn't have the store. So going to flappers of how I wasn't as enjoyable to me. Now I go to the store and I enjoy myself. You've been down there with me. It's a fast hit. We go in, we do the set, we get the fuck out. The only one time we've hung out, we got wings. Last week, I introduced you to Irish. Crazy old friend, Irish. Irish is the real fucking deal, Doug.

Okay, he gave me an edible, a strong edible. Is it like 30 milligrams? Which one? The cookie. Yeah, the cookie was 100 milligrams and I ate three quarters. Yeah, so I had like 25, 30 milligrams. I was high out of my mind. I almost lost my check outside your car. I went to the Long Beach Laugh Factory first and then I went to the Hollywood Improper. Went to the comedy store. And there's this woman yelling at you during your set and one of the door guys comes over and makes her be quiet. But then as you're walking down, you give her a hug and she was probably the drunkest I've ever seen anybody be drunk. She couldn't stand up straight and she would get in my face and everyone's on this thing has seen me or heard me high.

I don't, I don't respond. Well, it's like, if you don't like me, you should just get in your car and leave. And you were torturing me because you kept calling her back. She would leave and go dance somewhere and be like, Irish, where are you? And she'd come back and get in my face again. And I just kept looking at you like, stop. And you're like, what? She won't leave. But then you go, Irish, get back. She thought I had coke. She kept thinking, I know you got coke. Let me talk to you about something. I know you got blow. I ain't got no fucking blow. I kept telling her, I ain't got no blow. And then she's like, I got something for you. What do you got for me? I want to show you. I want to show you. And then we went back to, she goes, I don't have nothing for

you. I just know you have blow on you. I don't have no fucking blow. I've known Irish since she first came from Boston. Her name is Katie. She's fucking nuts. Is that that waitress who only had sex with black dudes? That's it. Oh, no. That's Katie. She only has sex with black dudes. She was the drunk. And she was like, they, they banned me from the showroom again. And you were just torturing her. I have the fucking torture. That's my job and shit. I didn't, I didn't, I don't know. I love Katie. I seen Katie do some crazy shit. I seen a beat up a guy once on the ramp. Yeah, she remembered it. You're like, hey, Katie, remember the time he beat the guy when she was like, remember his pants fell down? Oh my God. She pulled him down

and threw him down and started hitting it with his shoe and shit. Let me give some shout outs real quick. Hey man, it's 2015. I love you guys more than I did last year. Dick Watanabe, Jamie Stanley, plain air writer, Frankie Nielsen, Mike Davis, Jesse Wright, and the fake guy Dan. I love you motherfuckers. Thank you for supporting and thank you for being my motherfucking corner and shit. So now I got three more weeks in town to relax and get my goals tighter and my shit tighter for Buffalo and Columbus. I'm in Buffalo this month. I'm in Columbus at the funny bone soup. Well weekend two weeks later, I'm in Austin, the Valentine's Day with Uncle Joey. That's awesome. And then the last week of February, I'm in motherfucking Indian

apolis like a motherfucker. Oh shit. So I'm excited about that shit. I want to talk to you because I went to the store on Saturday with Paula and I didn't, I knew it, but I didn't really notice it until this weekend. You'll do some of the same jokes, but your set is never the same. And as someone who doesn't do comedy, like I went and I saw a couple people there, Bobby Lee did amazing. But there were a couple people who did like the same jokes I've heard them do six months ago at the store. And it's just, does that help when you're a comic or shouldn't like if you're doing 15 new minutes every night, shouldn't it be different? Like if you're doing the same stuff, does it not help? Well, you're not doing 15 new minutes every night.

What you're doing is you're doing material and you're trying your new stuff, wind it in there. That's what I do. That's what I think keeps the audience coming back. You know, when I was a kid and I watched somebody do TV, I was hoping that they, you know, do a certain joke that I wanted, but also something about some social commentary, something that they've seen some social commentary of sorts. That's it. And we've discussed this a thousand times. When I see a comic doing the same act over and over, you're hurting my feelings because you're letting me know you've seen nothing interesting. I see something fucking interesting every goddamn day. Yeah, you know, but every room is different. The store, that original room, Ari and I had this conversation

on mushrooms Friday night when we were sitting there tormenting fucking people at the MGM Grand. Sometimes you might write something new and you might go up on stage, especially at the store, and your goal is not even to get laughed at. You just want to try this fucking joke out. You just want to try this fucking joke out. That's it. But somebody before you does something and now you have to call it like what happened last week when I went down into music. Oh yeah, that was the BT Express. You know, what are you going to do? You killed, I got off and you were happy, everybody was happy, but guess what? The fucking joke I wrote that I worked for fucking a week, I didn't get to try. So while people are shaking my hand going, man, that was

a great set. I'm thinking, I suck dick. I worked hard all fucking week to try that one line. So sometimes you get caught up in the energy of the room. Okay. So you forget shit, you know. I went to the store last week and I did the cocaine joke or the cat. Yeah, it just called for it. I know the audience and it calls for it. Sometimes you might want to go up on stage and have this, but the audience calls for something else. Is the audience saying what material you're saying? No, it's just an energy in the room. But it is kind of crazy because the week before or earlier that week, I forget what it was, you had a, not a great set at the store. Like it was, you just couldn't get them on your side. It was like a slow night. Was it Christmas? Christmas

or Christmas Eve or? Oh, the main room. The main room. Monday night for the special show Monday night. Was it? I don't even know. Listen, man, you're going to have bad days and you're going to have good days. It's just knowing that inside that you gave it your all. That's the most important thing. Even when I started comedy, I knew I was a little older and I knew that you're going to have bad days and good days. The rule is that you went down and showed up and gave it your all. You didn't get fucked up. You did what you were supposed to do. You took care of business. If I write and I work out in a day, I'm very happy. The set at night is to cherry on the fucking Sunday. Yesterday, I had two things on my mind. I wanted to write a little bit and I wanted to

work out. I had a tremendous workout and had a great day of writing. That's a good day for me. I had a good day with my family. I stick to my fucking calories. I can't and I didn't do anything. I didn't even leave the fucking house, basically. I left the house, maybe three. I went to the farmer's market yesterday with the family, walked around. You're not banned from the farmer's market? I'm not banned anymore. Some people ask me, oh, it's great to see you. Where have you been? I explained to them. They said paparazzi is still a lot to go. You just can't take pictures with the kids. I went over. Yesterday with Mercy and I put her in the petting zoo. She didn't like the goats and she didn't give a fuck about the chickens. She liked the rabbit, but after a couple minutes,

she just wanted to get the fuck out of there and I could see them lurking and I tell you, just seeing them yesterday. My blood pressure went up a little bit, but now I'm prepared. If anything ever happens and they follow me to my car now, I'm prepared. Do they attack you a lot when they see you? No, that one time. Well, I know that one time was bad. No, no, they weren't taking pictures. That had nothing to do with me. Right. They were attacking the guard. They were attacking a guard that didn't need to be attacked and all these fucking little testosterone, faggot, fucking father, Gentile fucks were walking around. That one person, that's what my real true feeling was to that farmer's market that I've helped out people

that I didn't even know. If I see somebody getting bullied or something or something, right, I'll sit there. I won't say none. I'll just sit there and watch for a few minutes and see where this is going. And that's what I did that day. But nobody did it to me and people watched. People were circling. When they had me surrounded, I turned around one time. There was a ton of men with fucking little baby carriages and those Studio City faggots looking at me, but nobody did fucking nothing. And that's the America we live in today. Sometimes you get somebody with fucking balls that'll stick up for the little guy. And sometimes people won't even say none. Me, I see three people around one guy. I got to stop and just watch. I got to stop and watch.

All three years are not going to jump. You're not going to jump. You want to fight them individually? The guy did something to you. You're going to fight them like a fucking man. But all three years, not on my fucking watch. And not some guy that's a security guard on a Sunday, that's a short, chubby guy that doesn't even, he's just doing this for a fucking job. They didn't even give him a water gun. You know, and you guys want to be tough guys around them. That's not going to work around me. I wasn't, I wasn't raised that way. You stick up to a little guy where at least go, Hey, man, what the fuck? There's four you motherfuckers here. Really? Really? Pick one and fight them. What do you think? And you're going to have to fight one of them,

motherfucker. Fight one of them, knock them in the fucking head, and they're none of these three or fuck with you no more. And that's all my intention was. But I went yesterday. Everything was cool. The fish guy was cool to me. I got a couple of Mexican fucking fruit guys that loved me when I got done. And now they got my back. I told them. So that's it. I spent some time with them yesterday and fucked around. So any day I work out, right? And spend my family, I could torture you on the fucking phone. I've had a complete day, Lee. I thought we were doing mushrooms this morning. I know. I know I was lying to you if I wanted you to quit last night. I can't. I can't. But dude, will you say to me, come on, man? Well, yeah, you come on, man. Come on, man. It's going to be

bad because you call me more. Like you call me like twice a day. Usually maybe three times when it's like four or five times with like once an hour. I know you have like a bad edible in you or or or you're going to go get something terrible or it's just going to be a bad. I went to the wheat. So yes, I got a couple crutch candy store. I got a couple grams of wheat. But then on the way out, I said, let me get Billy a fucking bang bar. I know he likes those bang bars. I got you the weak one. But last night I was sitting there about seven o'clock and I said, fuck Lee. I mean, this thing myself and I inhaled it and I got fucked up and I went to bed early. I watched the U part two and I went to bed early. That's it. I felt good. The workout felt good. Everything felt

good. Awesome. I'm happy that we made it through another years of podcast. I'm happy that you guys are still around. Thank you for all the love and respect you give us. And you know, we try hard and give you the same fucking love and respect because that's what we do here at the church of motherfucking what's happened now. Also, I want to put a disclaimer out. Last week after the Vegas show, I talked to some people do not fucking please don't judge me on whatever we talked about. I was really hard in the fucking mushrooms in Vegas. And a bunch of people kept coming up to me and talking to me. And they didn't know I was just freaking out on mushrooms down inside. And this one guy came up to me and started asking me a bunch of questions real sweet of a guy with a beard.

And I looked in the face and I go, what's with the fucking questions? Shake my hand and get the fuck out of here. And he just looked at me all weird. And that didn't mean to say that. It was just what was cooking inside of me like stop with the fucking quiet. You know, I came up like what was in my mind came out of my mouth. So please, if I said something to you off color, forgive me. I was just on mushrooms and you were in front of me and I was freaking out. Well made Ari and Duncan kiss at the UFC. I don't know if you guys saw the pictures from Joe Rogan's Twitter yesterday. Please go to Joe Rogan's Twitter. We were eating dinner and Duncan asked Rogan where we were sitting. And Duncan, Rogan said, we're sitting right behind me.

I got you the best seats in the house. And Duncan was great. I'll start throwing up the Illuminati figure. And he goes, I've thrown it up before and he's like, Duncan, what are you talking about? So Duncan went through his phone. He goes, look at the pictures of him with the Illuminati people were taking pictures. This is way before a Saturday night show. This had been going on. One time Duncan went to a fight a month ago and he kept doing the Illuminati signal. So people kept watching them. They saw that Joe was laughing his ass off. Illuminati were fucking dying in the car. And that was how it started. So I guess they went to the fight and just took it to the next level. I didn't stay for the fight. I had to go home because I had a lot of show on my plate,

Sunday and Monday to write and get it all together until they have to go to a doctor and have a bunch of paperwork for him. I also looked at a fucking old playboy. I never look at playboy, you know? Yeah, why are you looking at playboy? Because the other day I was on the computer and something happened. I typed in an A or something. What the fuck was I doing? I was looking for something and I found Ariani Nudes. It said Ariani nude pictures, right? I never saw Ariani fucking nude, right? Okay. So I clicked on the fucking Ariani nude pictures and there it was like 30 pictures of Ariani nude. Great titties, beautiful face, ugliest fucking little pussy you've ever seen in your life. It just goes down flat like there's no bump to it, nothing. It was bald.

Well, she's super skinny. Huh? She's really skinny. Yeah, there's nonexistent. You know, if you're going to be a woman, carry a lump in between your fucking, it's the ugliest fucking pussy. Just flat. The flatest fucking pussy, no hair. Just it just went backwards. Like it's a minus pussy. Like it went backwards. Like there was no fucking, I mean, I know she had the Clinton shit, but you could just see it. It's a downwards fucking slope. So I was telling those guys at lunch. And they're like, Ariani is a nice girl. Yeah, but she got an ugly fucking pussy. So let me read the sponsor. Get the fuck out of here. Like I was saying this morning, it all starts with on it. You want a better 2015? You want to feel good about yourself? A fucking the utmost

optimum optimization as they call it. If you this isn't a vitamin or a supplement, this is a way of taking your fucking life to the next fucking level, whether it's the hemp force protein, or it's the fucking strong bone, which I use for my knee. And I'm getting great results. The shroom tech sport, which I'll take with me before I go to jujitsu today because I haven't taken it in a month. You know, I don't just take the shroom tech sport for everything. I just take it for jujitsu just to give me some more breathing and some more oxygen and stuff. I love on it. I was at Aubrey the other night and he was saying, you know, on it, Aubrey, whatever, warrior poet on mad flavor is the type of guy that whatever you talked to him, he's always looking for the

next thing. He's always going to these mountains. He's always going to these fucking things to find herbs and minerals. And it's just a constant search. And that's what on it's about. It's it's a constant way to be better. He was talking to Harry about going back to Peru and he found this tea that gets you, you know, it's just always constant with him. And that's why I believe in on it. And that's why they sponsor the podcast. Do me a favor, go to honor.com, looked at what the stuff they have, whether it's weights, you know, kettlebells, they got the battle ropes, all that shit. I can't help you with that, but I'll get your 10% off on the supplements. You know this, do me a favor, go to honor.com, just pick something, start with the fucking alpha brain,

put them one in the box, church, church and get 10% off. Start with that. Just do me that favor today. You want to make New Year's resolutions, whether they're bullshit or not. You just want to start today, right? 2015. You've been fucking around for too fucking long. Go to honor.com today right now and get something, get a supplement. I guarantee it's going to change your life. You're going to feel better. Start with the alpha brain. Number two, my favorite fucking people in the world, Iron Dragon TV. Dave Foley is the hell of a guy. Don't forget to go to box. What number today? Tomorrow. 1-5-4-2-3, I believe. Let me check. Because Tim Kenner will be signing on, you guys, if you're at the Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas. But anyway, you put it,

I went back on there again yesterday. They've added more movie science, Dragon TV. Yeah, like 30 a month ago. Yeah, like 30 a month. Do me a favor. If you're into classic martial arts, or you've heard about it, or you want to get into it, if what's his name, Rodriguez's channel, L-Ray channel, doesn't have the martial arts films you want. Because L-Ray plays some great martial arts films on Friday nights. They have the whole Miami Vice thing going on right now. If they don't have it on L-Ray, start getting into these on L-Ray. And you don't have to wait for Friday night. It's just whatever you want. Yeah, fuck it. Go to Iron Dragon TV, pressing the code name and get two free films on the fucking arm just to get you started. Trust me, this is a company

that's growing, getting better. I think they're adding something else, some music. They don't fuck around. Nanotech doesn't fuck around, please. Go to Iron Dragon TV today, get two free rentals by entering what? Joe. And it's Nanotech, the company, the parent company. They have another channel where they're shooting 4K concerts. It's really cool. Guys, it doesn't end. Get in with these guys right now. Get in on this program. You're going to love it. Iron Dragon TV and pressing. Joey. And get two free fucking rentals. Again, Lee was saying, that's it. It's here. You've been talking bullshit. I'm going to quit smoking. It's here. Start today. HittieSigs.com. Don't even fuck around. Go there right now and press and what? Jelly Church. And you get 20% off your first,

whether it's your first electronic cigarette, your fucking cigar. Like I said, 24, 16, 8, and 0. You could quit smoking in January. Be healthy. Again, not spit fucking more clams and shit. You pussy. You got that hair mixed with the green spit. You don't need that in your life no more. Quit smoking now. Go to HittieSigs.com. There's cigarettes coming different flavors. They taste good. They're smooth. You can put it up in your top pocket. You can smoke it in Vegas at the fucking blackjack table. Go to HittieSigs.com right now. Pressing. Joey's Church. And you get 20 motherfucking percent off of whatever you want from their webpage. Also, my brother, David, up there at fucking naileditlife.com, best vapor pen on the market. Somebody came to me in Vegas

and went like that and showed me the fucking naileditlife vapor pen. Tremendous. Go to fucking naileditlife.com and press and- Joey Diaz. And get 20% off your first order. Something happens with this vapor pen. You call Dave. Boom. The replacement part is right there the next day. Lifetime guaranteed. No fucking around. I had to thank Naileditlife, HittieSigs.com, Iron Dragon TV, and Honor for backing us always and for starting the new year up with us. That's how we fucking do it motherfuckers. Beside that, man, it's up to you this year. It's up to you. The balls in your fucking court. No more fucking around. You want your life to be better? I can't help you. Lee can't help you.

Joe Rogan can't help you. Ari can't help you. God can't fucking help you. Only you can fucking help you. Grab your fucking balls, get a fucking notebook, and write down what the fuck you're gonna do this year. And this is it. You're not gonna have these problems. Fuck the drugs, fuck the cigarettes, fuck that dumb bitch. It all starts fucking today, all right? No more fucking excuses. That's the fucking, this is the year of the fucking soldier. It's 2015. We're going in like fucking Marines, you understand me? 2015. We're getting back what belongs us. And that's it. No more fucking around. Play the national anthem, Lee. I'm sick of these motherfuckers. Let's go to the good one too, with shoots and fucking people missing legs.

I want to hear the good one, Lee Sayed. It's over. We're fucking Americans. I'm sick and fucking tired of your bullshit. If you're not sick and tired of your bullshit, and you're not sick and tired of society's bullshit, I can't breathe. Put your hands up. Every fucking day, there's something different. You're a fucking American motherfucker. You don't want to get shot. Don't get fucking pulled over. You don't want to get fucking shot. Don't fucking do something wrong. All right? I don't want to get fucking shot. I don't even shoplift no more. But that's me. You're a fucking American. It's January 5th. It starts today. You fucking maggot motherfucker. Stop blaming everything on everybody and fucking American society and the fucking iPhone.

Fuck you and the fucking iPhone. Fuck you and fucking Facebook. Fuck you and social media. It's all about you, you dumb motherfucker. Get up. Grab your balls. Hug your wife. Kiss the kids. Pick up the fucking dog. Stop it. Stop it. It's not all Obama's fault. You don't want a bowler? Take your vitamin C, you dumb motherfucker. You don't want ISIS to fuck with you? Stay in New Jersey. But stop your fucking crime. You're a fucking American. You fucking douchebag. Start acting like it. That's it. You're a fucking American. Motherfucker. That's it. It's over. All right. No, this show is over. Don't forget to go to onit.com and use Coward Church to get 10% off of all of the great supplements. Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech, Immune, Shroom Tech,

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Music At night I walk this stinking street past the crazies on my block and I see the same old faces and I hear that same old talk and I'm searching for the latest thing I break in this routine. I'm talking some new kicks ones like me you ain't never seen. This is home, but this is neat street. This is home, the only one I know. And we don't believe that tomorrow, cause we're sick of these farm walls. Now what you think is nothing might be something after all. Now you know this ain't no through street, the end is dead ahead. The pork box flavor keeps down here, they're the living dead. Come on down, down to these streets. They're dancing now,

out on these streets. Dance baby. Music Music It's always here, now my friend. It ain't once upon a time, it's all over but the shouting, I come to take what's mine. We're searching for the latest thing I break in this routine. Talking some new kicks ones like me you ain't never seen. This is home, but this is neat street. This is home, the only one I know. See, it got us real easy. In this desperate part of town. Turns you from hunted into hunter.

This is peace. You're going to hunt somebody down. Wait a minute. Somebody said they don't want it. This is peace. Not strike that poor boy down. Music Music Music Music