Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 25 Years of Saturday's

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Welcome back to The Check In! This week Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about the 1000mg spray, why loving stand up is so important, the lifechanging experience of seeing Rambo in a black movie theatre, and the story that changed his career forever. Support the show and try Blue Chew for free – just pay $5 shipping. Head to ⁠https://www.bluechew.com⁠ and use promo code DIAZ Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code JOEY. New customers get $150 in bonus bets when you bet just 5 bucks.  The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

Oh snap. Oh shit. There he is the Cuban king of Sandwiches and the fucking uber driver of comedy You must have 2,000 miles the last two days plus the five day. I give it to you. I forgot how much driving that well No, I'm lying to you. I never forgot how much driving there is in comedy obviously at then you know what and like I I've thought about like we've talked about the triple runs I wish I could do them. They don't they just don't exist but at least with him 12 hours a day seems like a lot

But like a good four-hour drive like I'm going to Syracuse in like three weeks and they don't pay for a hotel So I'm just gonna go back and forth. It's four hours each way Yeah, no, no, that's eight hours. Just get I like a four-hour drive. You don't like a four-hour drive Not when you're leaving the club at 12 when you get home at 4 Your back is gonna go to shitly. Okay. All right, that's a bit, you know if it was an hour Hour and a half like San Diego's the farthest right hour and a half hour 37 you know I was gonna say most people takes two plus but 37 if you're leaving the club it's an hour 37 okay you know that's

something different but for you to get in the car at 1130 on a Friday night and drive for and then four at the end and then four how many nights is it just one night oh it's just one night right oh no I wouldn't go back and forth I'm not that I'm not that cheap even still get yourself a little cheap hotel room I'll have to see I'll find something I don't push off you don't want to drive four hours and go to the club your ass asshole is going to smell like fucking death. So you want to relax for two hours, take a shower, watch TV, get everything off your mind and then attack it.

Okay. And if you want to drive home, that's something different, but somewhere along the line, you're going to have to get a hotel room. Okay. I, four hours you're sweaty. I don't know. I don't know why you're assuming. I'll be sweating because I've seen Oh, I dude I almost have to throw the underwear away after like a road trip

Yeah I'm disgusting. I won't shower. I'll just get in the car with like Jim Short. But I do love like a pre-show shower. That is pretty awesome. Pre-show shower when you get home from the hotel, you know, if you're doing a show with 40 people, it don't matter. But we were doing those theater shows and I'm talking to 500 people

and you gotta go home and take a shower. Really? You'd go to the late night shower too, okay. Oh yeah. First thing, take my clothes, not even sit on the bed with that clothes on. You just had 2000 people in the theater. You just had, you know, 600 people at a show. You talked to 300 of them.

You did that twice. That's people breathing on your neck. That's headshots. That's people putting their fucking greasy hair on your neck and you putting it on their neck You know, that's a lot of contact. Yeah, I got you always want to go home and take a nice hot shower Scrub real good. Have a little meal waiting for you and law and order Whoo on a Friday night couple law and orders you eat your meal you go outside you smoke a joint You call Athena

You go back to your room and it's fucking you against the world in a hotel room And you got nowhere to go in the morning. I live my favorite night. There's no better feeling than that Thing to you you have to be prepared for that next level for you to get home after a show and not take a piece and shower and cut your toenails and Fucking put ice on your knees or whatever hurts, you know, I used to do that all the time you ice your knees Yeah And I just started getting into it's been on your legs for three hours, right? Yeah

I'm only doing I guess what I'm doing, I was thinking about that. Like when you start headlining, like in my head, cause I just started getting into, I had like three massages so far, like an actual like real, like you're going to get like,

and it's like my favorite thing. And I was always creeped out by someone else touching me, but like that's in my head when I start headlining I'm gonna do that one like I'm hoping to do it once a week like is there anything that you would do on the road to like take care of yourself other than like knees or You know for the first I Mean from to from 91 To 2004 I never peaked in the hotel gym

I never peaked in the hotel gym. I went on the road to destroy myself, you know? Right. And then once I started getting healthy and going to Weight Watchers, I started, when I look at a hotel, when they send you the itinerary, you know, they better have a fucking gym. I don't need a pool. I don't need none of that shit. I just need a gym.

You know, I don't need a bench press or I need to stand master a bike and I don't need a gym gym. I don't need a pool. I don't need none of that shit. I just need a gym You know, I don't need a benchpress I need to stand master a bike and a couple weights and you can make it work for a half hour 45 minutes and then I started Actually doing something. Okay, I would go to towns and go to cake box and class. Oh shit. Oh, yeah I would you pack a gear a little bit once in a while, but that's not good for Jiu Jitsu because you're seeing these animals and they're fucking killing it on a Saturday. I don't have the time to go to Jiu Jitsu class, break my wrist and call the theater

and tell them I'm not coming or the county club, right? You know, so you have to consider all those things, but I would get up early on a Saturday and go do a kickboxing class at some movie time place and people would freak out I can't even imagine what they'd think. What the fuck are you doing here? And I'm like You want to get this out on work out there a little bit? You know, I got into that I got into finding like a nice local spot in town, not like a Morton steakhouse or a FOGO to chow. Okay. Switching it up a little bit. And that became fun, searching a restaurant out

and taking a Uber, that's fun. You know. Oh, I love it. But then there's days in the hotel where I do go back on Friday night. You stay up to three Yeah, wake up at eight you go get a good breakfast smoke a joint go for a walk And by 930 you're back in bed, you know there's always a good movie on a Rambo a rocky a

Clint Eastwood movie and you just fall asleep and then you wake up like about 1 1 30 Right and those days you don't go to kickbox No, fuck it boxing go outside your coffee. You smoke a joint you take a shower and then you ask somebody What's a nice restaurant that isn't a change like somebody local that's put the time in? You know you want to go support them. Oh, yeah, like that's And I get it like Danny Braff and I were talking about this we wrote from one gig to another and we were talking about like How it's crazy when you meet who? Headliners who are unhappy being headliners and being on the road and like we're just like that to me with the days

You just described sound like heaven to me like going to get food relaxing in a hotel smoking like that sounds like if i could win a lottery like that just sounds awesome listen man when you're doing it you're in love you i was telling you in the car the other day, the comedy full time for me is a thing of the past. I'm going to tell you what, because you got to be in love with it. You got to be married to it. You have to be, I mean, listen,

comedy marriages don't end well. Think about it. A lot of comics have been married multiple times Myself included, but I wasn't doing comedy When I first got married, I was just a fucking personal mess But you know you meet a comedian at a club You sleep with him he takes you for a date, you know, you start being his girlfriend. The whole year and a half you're in ether. You know, you're telling your friends, oh my God, he's so fun. The girl's like, how do you keep it together being around him?

And then you get married to a comic. And that's a big fucking mistake Why from We don't know what we're doing. We're in a fucking we're selling out clubs and you know Agents are calling you to do movies and you're really not focused on everything and you just marry this girl and she marries you and then got the big you have a kid with her and Now it's not what it used to be. You're not selling the tickets. You used to You're older. So now you got to work a little harder and If I was think about a woman with a kid Mm-hmm two kids and you're married to them. It's not like you're dating them. You're married to them and

You call them and they're like You know, they're like what's going on with you? You're like, I'm on the golf course I'm playing golf with rich boss and this guy and that guy and Then that night you call him again go guess who came to my show tonight Prince Fucking girl is sitting at home with a child, Right. She can only take so much of that, especially if we do it three weeks at a time, at a clip, it wears on you, man. So they get divorced. Now it wasn't her fault and it wasn't his fault.

He didn't know that he was in love with comedy and he was married to comedy first. He had no idea. And she, and know, it's, and then they get mad at each other, whatever. When you're a comic and you're in it to win it, you're married. You're fucking married.

It's a whole different romance, you know? It's a whole fucking different romance. And now you wanna open up your life to more romance Let somebody else find out and for you to find out that this is a mistake. I can't do this shit be odds been I'm married to comedy What the fuck am I gonna do at a softball game with kids when I was in it to win it I couldn't sit at a softball game with kids. I don't care if all nine of my kids were playing on the team. You know, I gotta make people laugh.

It's Friday night. It's Saturday night, you know. Now I sit there and I go, oh, thank God I'm not on the stage getting an ear beating from a sound guy. So how long are you doing? Every 10 minutes. How long are you? Listen, get the fuck out, you know. People have no idea. And for me, it just got repetitive. Like, it got really repetitive. I loved it the whole time. But it got to the point I didn't want to...

The first thing that started going was Saturdays. About what? You couldn't enjoy them? Well, you go to the gym, you meet the other comic, you eat lunch, you go for a walk. You get back to your room at 2 o'clock. And for me, listen, when I didn't have a family, who gives a fuck? I go back to the room at 2 and light my balls on fire 7

But then you call And that's the day all the kids are out they're having a great time and You're in the hotel room with the shades drawn because it's too beautiful. I you already did what you had to do Now you got five hours to wait and that for me me became hell. After the lunch was over, after the workout was done, after the great breakfast, you know, two eggs, fucking four pieces of bacon, a piece of seven grain toast, maybe a smoothie or something. That's it. So the Saturday started getting but that's 25 years of Saturdays, right?

Do you know what I'm saying? 25 years of Saturdays That was a time. I couldn't imagine not working a Saturday Or a Sunday. I like I like doing comedy on a Sunday if I have to drive down the corner I don't want to be on the road on a Sunday. That's too much commitment on the Sun big differences Right. It's funny that you're like comparing it to a relationship because like when you said that I all I could think of is like, you know when you first start dating someone and you're just even when they text you you're excited or when you see them like it's with comedy like I'm

Six years in but I'm still like if anyone texts me about comedy or like a show or that's how excited I get Oh, yeah, this is it anybody who can text you? The first six years about comedy you get so fucking excited, you know, it gives you little rooms. You're gonna get robbed Oh, yeah. Yeah, you don't care Because you're doing what you were supposed to be doing you're doing what you wanted to do. It's such a great feeling, you know It really is and it's like it's i'll think about it all day Like I some guy asked me like from some guy just asked me for my avails and i'm emailing people every day No one responds to me and someone some guy just asked me out of the blue and she's like, oh shit

This is the best day of my life because you put in the working You know every day you're sending an email if nobody gets back to you After 12 emails somebody will get back to you. Maybe not the guys you're emailing but just somebody why? Because you're putting out you're putting it out into the world. It's when you don't do that Because you're putting out you're putting it out into the world. It's when you don't do that That you're like nobody fucking called me for comedy. Well, you don't put no feelers out either, right? Yeah That's a complete different part of comedy That's a complete

Booking yourself and all that and the strategy and how you work people. That's a complete Different thing. It's funny you said that. I was talking to Aaron Berg DNA at the dojo. It was so weird this thing I started. You sit there in a hotel all day. You might as well make some calls, send some faxes, make a flyer for the following week. I mean, I don't know how to make a flyer, but I'm just saying.

Someone else could. Like MySpace or something like that. Yeah. And but I still remember it. Like I've been sending fax like now. If you got a fax, people think you're fucking a dinosaur. But I was sending faxes on Mondays and Tuesdays. For maybe 94.

OK, to aggressively, once I got to Seattle, I had it down. I would bother everybody on Monday and Tuesday. Everybody got a call. And the call started at 9.01 There's no reason to wait till 9 you got to get him early wake him up out of bed Let him know you're not fucking around Yeah, and I would start Monday at 9 and then I'd have a fat facts go out to 20 other numbers If somebody was I was working with somebody he was a feature goes Yeah, this guy in my hometown in Iowa. You got a fax on my Mondays, even though I didn't want to go to Iowa

Would you really yeah, I would fact why did he offer you a gig then I'll call you later and then fucking move on with Your life. I'm gonna drive to Oklahoma or Iowa. I don't know. I'm in Seattle, Washington But that's Because you're just putting out numbers, right? It's fucking numbers. It's goes back. That all is a numbers game You know, I'm almost embarrassed to ask you this but that day that I got the headlining gig like a week or two ago I said ask you this but that day that I got the headlining gig like a week or two ago I Wish I wasn't but I'm a believer or like when you see 11 11 I I'm an idiot I make a wish and I look I like I have one that I do and I asked for things for certain people

And I was talking about headlining and like literally five minutes later. I got the call I know this is not a feeler like this is but like I don't know It was just so it was creepy It really is when you start thinking about something And this is all based on work guys, you know and you notice That there's so many moving parts when you're a comic Mm-hmm, you neglect one you're gonna be fucked there's writing there's promoting yourself There's getting shows. There's you know looking at your material and seeing what's 30 minutes. What's 15? What's 45?

There's so many moving fucking parts you learn, you know, I Never knew what we were until I saw I saw Roseanne and Larry King live What do you what did that happen? What happened had to be let's say 15 years ago, okay? That conversation I saw her have when Larry King changed my outlook on comedy Larry King asked her about She threw after she became number one on ABC in the 90s Right at the Christmas party. She threw all the ABC execs out of the party She will let him it good

And he asked why did you do that and he goes this is my reasoning You forget who you are as a comic But when you're a comic you do it all That's why it never shocks me when a good comic is a great director It never shocks me when a great comic is a great actor You know Robin Williams a lot of comedians are great because we do so many things. We produce, we write, we direct, we perform,

we're the emcee, we're everything. We're everything. You know, you said to me the last time we did the Dojo, you go, that's really weird that you host on those nights. You know, and I don't know where I got it from, but I do know how to make. A show, a show. Yeah, I do know how to look at a show and go,

how can we make this the best show? Listen, even if I don't make a lot of money. I like a show that's fucking jam-packed I'd rather give away the money and produce a fucking great show then Get a bunch of open micers and me keep the money Right, yeah Like the shows that the dojo have been a black and it's it was scary when I found out you were hosting.

I was like, fuck, I have to follow Joey. But you do it in a way that like isn't burying us. No, I'm not looking to bury nobody. I'm looking as a host on those shows. I'm the one that puts pepper and salt on the show. They would comment. OK, I'm the one that puts pepper and salt on the show. I'll leave you to comment. OK. I'm the one that marinates because you're not

going up there to follow me. You're going up there for me to give you energy and love. It's completely different. It's not like I'm doing a show with a bunch of strangers. This is my family. You guys, you know. So I don't mind that. I don't mind losing money on those nights to give them the best show in the world

We got plant abyss to come in and sponsor. Yeah Entry, you know out of raw way great dispensary, you know, the joint was great Yeah, everything they have is great. What do Athena think of that weed? Oh loved it Yeah, the weed you had this week, like I told you, I don't know if I've had a bong hint that lasted for like four hours. That weed that we smoked this week was tremendous. And we went back yesterday

and they were sold out of everything. Yeah. And it was- It was a Cush by Garden Greens. And it was Verano, cherry by garden greens. And it was Verano cherry lime course or something. That's the first thing we smoked when you came in and you were like, what?

You're fucking whole emotional changes. And then Saturday, I busted out Friday. I busted out the Obama run. So Thursday or Friday. And that even took us fucking deeper into it's really weird How I? Plugged into weed here now. I know that I got a couple companies now. I know what they get And I'm good. I don't have to worry about California more getting it sent

It's fucking a great relief Oh, yeah, and I'm like Denver and or Colorado and California have great weed but like do you think it's at the point now where like you could find great weed almost everywhere? Well these companies that I buy from are originally California companies. Okay. When the licenses and the legalization came they came to Jersey and they growed and they kept to their, who they were. Somebody gave me a sample of weed for me to work with them. This shit was pure tumbleweed. I had to send them that weed. I had to send them a picture of the cherry lime and go,

this is weed. That shit. You sent it to the company? Huh? You sent it to the original company, like a different weed? Oh yeah, I'm like guys Because what's happened is businessmen have taken over the THC business, right? It's become more profit-based for these fucking knuckleheads and they know nothing about wheat

Like I would never invest in something that I knew nothing about And it was made more evident to me when I went to car val and in Beverly Hills whatever the fuck it is yeah yeah and the people it was an investment and it hurt my feelings if I was going to want to carve out store I grew up in a car val store if I was going to buy a Dairy Queen I grew up in a Dairy Queen if I'm going to buy a crispy pizza chain it's because I eat crispy pizzas not because I eat fucking dominoes and want to sell crispy people. You know I'm saying yeah Yeah, absolutely investments now. They have money so they invest and they don't give a fuck about the finished product They don't and that's what that's why the Denver weed market has gone to the fucking toilet. Oh

Really the corporations came in too many business people and they tried to make weak corporate No, you don't you buy the company and you leave the fucking hippies in They're the ones that have been doing this for 30 years. You've been selling construction things and fucking pipes and you sold your company now you got 50 million and I Respect you but this isn't what you do You just want to upon the bed. We've been bandwagon now to make a profit and it's Told you gotta you know if I put on any product. It's got to be like Knocking my socks off. I don't want to tell you how much they offered me for an edible. Oh

Jesus and I Gotta tell you I don't want to tell you how much they offered me for an edible. Oh Jesus and I Gotta tell you I don't want to put a gummy up Really? No I'm mad flavor. I'm not gonna come out. I'm gonna come out with a spray an eye patch Okay, you know I want to come out with something different something that's Everybody's got a gummy and they all taste like rotten ass That's true. They all taste like rotten finally you admit it. I've been saying that for a decade You tell me it tastes delicious listen some of them are delayed like we ate some Saturday night

You could taste the weed and there was sour and all that shit but there's some edibles that are mild and I'm gonna let you, but there's some edibles that are mild and you eat them, they do the trick. Right. You know, they do the trick, but I just wanted, I wanted to do something different. I'm really interested in this thousand milligram THC spray that you spray in your fucking throat

and you see the devil 22 minutes later. I don't think it would take 22 minutes. What if you could get like something implanted? Like a little implant that like has THC and you could just press a button and goes into your bloodstream That would be tremendous. Oh, yeah, that would be awesome. Can you press it three times? It just blows up in your fucking head Can't talk for foot. Let's get this fucking show started Jack Hey, it's Tuesday the 25th of June The check-in is brought to you by blue

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Just $5 for shipping. Use promo code Diaz. Let's get this show started, fellas. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up if Uncle Joey could do it. I can rule the world That's what you got to be thinking It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. What up, Mook? What's up, buddy? It was great to see you this week. Great to see you. We smoked some good weed.

We ate that. We drank that. That's what killed my stomach. I've been sick for four days. You've been saying that. I have not. I didn't do anything today. Last night was the worst of all the nights.

I had to get up at 430 in the morning. Oh, to take a shit. Everything and then I puked at about 530 outside. I didn't even drink. Oh, I didn't even drink coffee today. That's so what the fuck? I missed you today. I slept like three hours. I slept from like 10 to like 12 and then I went back up about three and slept till like five Yeah, I mean, you're not feeling well. We got a bounce back. You know the same We're gonna be if tomorrow I feel the same way. I'll make a doctor's appointment

Right five tights been like a third, you know That anything with your stomach sucks to that. That's awful. It does. It does suck. And it just, uh, it just bummed me out a little bit. You know what I'm saying? But it's Tuesday.

No reason to be bummed out. Hell no. Take care of this shit. I had a great time seeing you fucking, you know what I was thinking about the other night when we came home on the mushroom liquid we smoked that we didn't and Superfly was on oh Jesus Christ the original from 1972 with Curtis Mayfield and I

Forget the actors named O'Neill Ryan O'Neill maybe How fucking crazy was that I've been dying to watch that? For three years three or four years. I'm like, when am I gonna watch superfly and it was on the other night cuz it was like black history night on Turner classic movies, right it was Superfly shaft and then late night was fucking blackula Yeah, cuz cuz whatever it's called super fly ended at 2 in the morning Yeah, Jesus. I had never I'd never seen anything like superfly. I still To be honest don't really know what I saw those are the black exploitation movies in

1970 and they were buck wild because they had to hit their audiences. There's a scene in that at the end when we were watching. Because I wanted to watch. The ending is great. Right. And he meets with the narcotic cop, and the guy's threatening him.

And Superfly is talking to him. He's like, I don't want to do it and stuff. And then he goes off on him stuff and then he goes off on him But before he goes off on them, I've never seen that before he takes a bag of coke up and He does two huge blast right in front of the cop And then he does the other one and then he just starts going off from my pimp your daughter I'll kill your fucking cat. You know know he just starts saying all this shit and then he fights him and his fuck he's got he's got like the James Brown hair

and somebody pulls it and shit that looks like you know is he the one that has like the triangle beard too it comes to like a point on the sides he had a beard too he was a very good-looking dude at that time But the sex scene we saw with the chicks ass was tremendous I don't know what that was the mushrooms had taken me for a fucking spin Yeah, they were just having sex and it was they showed pretty much everything and but it was like it was just so I've never seen a style like that like they just had seen It was almost like the first time you gave me an edible. I saw Friday and like I was so high I could see them acting. I could see the director

say action and I felt like it was like that was super fly because I felt like they like left like a shot a little bit too long or like they started it. It was way back you couldn't hear them sometimes. I was like what the fuck is happening? 52 years ago that movie came out so much Has happened in movies and films the options you have? But those are the movies I grew up on yeah I hold them close to my heart and listen when you watch him now you like what? Fuck am I watching like what was I thinking at eight years old watching this in the movie theater oh dude at eight years old that's like you don't even know that that's

a real human beings you know doing coke are you serious the thing a girl's ass if I saw girls ass at eight I probably would have exploded. Well, that movie came out when I was eight or nine. And I didn't believe. At the time, I was going to Catholic school. And we got out on the weekends like prisoners. And we went back on Sunday nights. So on Sunday nights, you heard all the heard all the activities your kids now a

Lot of these kids were well off But a lot of them were from the Bronx and Brooklyn and they were urban they were black and Puerto Rican And they would tell us about their weekend and their weekends were a lot better You know when you're at that age your parents just give you two bucks and pay to go to the movies When you're at that age your parents just give you two bucks and pay to go to the movies You know, that's pretty awesome and you go to the movies and if they have a ready the next movie you watch it If they have a Spanish movie you watch it whatever the fuck they will you watch you watch and I still remember at that time Kids were coming back every Sunday with stories about movies and And we all were going to movies.

But like I was going to see the Mechanic in 73 and Hard Times in 72 and the Belacci papers. And that's what we were talking about. We weren't talking about fucking Disney movies today. They had much. But I still remember kids going to see Superfly going, ah, he was fucking bad ass. And like the first thing you do when you get out on Friday is go to the movies. Oh

Yeah, why or any other movie? But could you imagine now like imagine if you went to the movies with mercy or not even with her like just by yourself And there was an eight-year-old and an already movie you like you probably go get somebody. No, I would. No? No, no. Why be a crime stopper? Listen, man, all those ages, I was watching all those movies. I watched the longest yard in the original 10.

I watched all those movies, and they helped my imagination. You know, I was an only child. They took me out and it makes the kid feel a little special that all the fucking buddies still go to see fucking the Avengers and he's going to see a heavy duty R rated movie. When I took Mercy the first time to an R rated movie, she didn't care what the movie was about. She was excited to be there. I take it ours all the time. What was you with your dad? It's fucking cool

What was it? What was the first already movie you showed her? I Think like the equalizer or something we went a bunch of movies on Thursday nights After you know about two years ago a bunch of movies that come out and we were going One Thursday a month we get out of there like 10 o'clock at night Her mom would be like, what a fuck did you have? man, this is Nobody wants to go to movies at two o'clock. I rather go at nine o'clock. Oh, yeah and movies Like I remember like my dad that I feel like that's a dad thing. They like take the can I was the best

I loved going to the movies he'd fall asleep and I would watch I remember we were the first already movie I saw was Geronimo and I just remember there's a big bowl that the guy rode around I don't remember anything else about it, but I knew it was an R rated movie. I So like to do that That I think is cool I think I'm just imagining a group of eight-year-old little boys with like little mini popcorns ready to see superfly by themselves. We used to go to the movies in groups all the time. Eight of us, seven of us, six of us to see a Bruce Lee movie or you know any other any other type of stupidity we used to. Would you go crazy in the aisle?

I just have this image of you doing like karate moves during Booty. Crazy, there was a few, I still remember seeing Rocky and The Longest Yard where the two movies that stick out the most where the audience was crazy. And then at like the age of 13, I walked into a black movie theater

oh nice, and that's a complete if you go to Lowe's on 42nd or 51st and Broadway. I don't even know if there's a Lowe's day. I'm just making this up. Mm-hmm. I realized that if I went from 88 Street to a movie in Midtown It was okay. The movie was great I was in the middle of the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street,

and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, and I was walking down the street, Oh, yeah says what the fuck, you know, whatever You're eight you're fucking giggling. Oh, that's cuz there's a difference if it's just one person doing it

They're being rude and annoying but if the whole theater is having a good time It'll make a movie like a full movie theater of Superfly would be way different I bet like all the kids going crazy. You've never seen a ass before He's doing coke on screen. Like if everyone's going nuts, that's a crazy movie Like I think the I saw two black movies later on that I remember Specifically, I saw two movies in a black movie theater that I actually remember them going off. Oh Yeah, the one movie theater was in Harlem. I forget where and I went to see the last dragon With Bruce Lee Roy and all that shit nice black people were going off

every time The guy came on the karate master the crazy one. I think he just passed away a couple years ago that crazy, dude But if I tell you the number one movie where I saw black people Go fucking insane that I left that going Whoo, if Rocky ever got a slave, you'd have 200 volunteers from that fucking movie theater You'd have 200 volunteers from that fucking movie theater as they fuck Black people love Rocky dog, they fucking love Rocky

So I'll move from the rocky to The one that came out in 85 This motherfucker is hunting Russians That was all about the Russian the Vietnamese and the Russian, you know, I'm coming to get you and all that shit Okay, but there's a scene in that what we talking about about the number one movie you saw with black people Is this Rocky? He's hunting Russians. Okay. He's just killing them one at a time And all of a sudden they show you like this fucking horrible set.

Like it's just horrible. They just cut it. They show you a Russian, the best looking white man you ever saw in your life. Blue eyes, blonde hair. He gave Brad Pitt a run for his money. He's got one of those little Russian hats on. Okay. And he's just looking

around and he's walking back into the wall. And in the wall was Rambo hidden covered in mud. And you actually see his eyes open up in the mud. And Rambo comes out with a knife and stabs the guy. When he came out of the mud, exaggeration every black person that movie did it was three feet off his seat Just immediately and when they landed they jumped right up and said that's our motherfucker. That's our motherfucker Rambos my motherfuck. They just all yell that motherfucker is bad to the bone That's the baddest white man that ever fucking lived I mean they were just going crazy and every time he shot somebody after that they went fucking insane They were high-fiving saying racial slurs

Fucking tremendous. How long into the movie was this was it like later into the movie? Well, they started acting up, you know Loud in the beginning and I again I was not angry at all right. No, of course not pay extra for it I enjoyed the narration. I enjoyed the great slurs. I enjoyed everything. When he jumped out of the mud, I actually had to look around like, fuck, they love Rambo. That's it. You know, I've always said that black people like the weirdest things. I still remember the Crip that came up to me at the comedy stage. Like, hey, man, he came up with like six fucking guys with

ponytails and fucking, and he's like, hey, man, he came up with like six **** guys with ponytails and **** and he's like, hey, man, can you do me a favor? I want to be an extra on the longest yard and I'm like, what? Why? He goes, man, I love Adam Sandler. That's my ****

****. You're a gang banger and you like Adam Sandler. You know, the people they pick up you're a big banger and you Black dude that was blacker than a night in bold. All he talked about was the beat the beat The bit how do you like the Beatles? He you black And Paul McCartney's the shit. I would die. I would fucking go Wow This tough black dude is a beetle fucking fan Whoo, you always used to tell you'd come back and you'd be like, hey man, only three people,

like three people asked for you. And all like, you said it like, it's always the black dude asked about me. On the road. I want them to, no one comes and says hi to me on the road. I want it, I would love to, I love that. I think that's so cool. There was a black mom that came to my show with her son.

And she pulled me over. She's like, man, I don't know what you're doing to my son, but he's changing. The other day I told him something about, you got 15 minutes to get to school. And he told me that I had one foot in the grave. One of them. Yeah.

Oh my God. And what did she say to that? one foot in the grave. Oh my God. And what did she say to that? What do you go? I'm just lost it. I'm just amazing. I'm just laughing my ass off because it's like, you know, you never know.

You just never fucking know. You just have a good time and you go out there. I was on the balcony before. I wasn't feeling too good. I was just thinking. OK. I was thinking about just being 21 and where my thoughts were. And then I was thinking about like being like, like the last thoughts I had before I became a comedian,

while I was a civilian, you know? And I was thinking about my life, how when I got divorced, I was, you know, six months into comedy, but once I had gotten on stage, it changed everything for me. And I think about what really, I don't know, cemented my life as a man. And it was comedy.

It was doing that whole comedic journey. That comedic journey. That comedic journey taught me a lot about myself taught me a lot about what I wouldn't do. I made a lot of friends, I made a lot of enemies. But that comedic journey for me really got to me a change to who I was. I didn't know that's what I needed to get the criminal mentality out. And I still remember there was a time when, like before the store,

like when I got to the store and I got in that fight the first couple nights, I had to go home and have a talk with myself and go, you know what? Mitchie liked it. You know, the guy was wrong. You were right, but I gotta change that. If I'm gonna make it as a comedian, I have to really change all those things about me. And I still remember being broke on a Friday and pulling up to the comedy store at like 11

and seeing that the liquor guy dropped off four cases of Jack Daniels in a case of whiskey. That's 40 bucks a case. That's my Friday And not once that I think of stealing it not once Because I knew if I stole that then I would just be the same person I always was And I didn't want to do that. And yeah, I did stupid things. I stole the phones from the from the fucking you know lost and and shit like that and that was basically the heat it wasn't to do drugs or But it's just weird how the whole comedy Like those 15 years really made me a man

Well, like no one makes a change like that right away. So like The the not stealing the booze. I'm not saying I'm not saying it's good that you stole the phones But like did did it start like it was that like the starter you making the changes? Like you didn't steal booze. Okay, and then and then eventually you stop stealing old habits die hard Yeah, always remember old habits die hard, especially when you're broke It's very easy to fall into a pattern when you're broke because you've given the Once you get let's say you become a carpenter's helper and you're excited someday You're gonna make $18 an hour. You're gonna be able to build the house

But sometimes it's like you don't see an end to it You just gonna see you're just gonna carry fucking wood the rest of your life, you know, right? Yeah And it breaks you kind of a little bit a lot You really fucking think about your future and what you want to do When I got into comedy and I was saying it today on the Patreon podcast that fuck it was just the change I made and how I made it was so fucking crazy league. Like it was just so crazy. And yeah, for seven years for 10 years now I did blow. Okay. I was in LA for 23 years and for 10 of those years, I did blow which I was basically lying to myself in one way

or another. But drugs are part of the fucking comedy mystique when I got into comedy, it wasn't to fucking be a preacher. It was to be Lenny fucking Bruce, to shoot heroin and fucking fuck dirty strippers and get VD and the goal was not to have a job. Right. I just didn't want a job. There's no way I was only gonna work with somebody

with a promise of running the place in 10 years and 10 years of fucking long time when you're working through something that's not yours At least with comedy. It's yours, and it's your mistake and it's your accomplishment, you know, so It's just fucking weird how I think about things now with comedy like what made me Lee I was not going to go to LA. Oh, in Seattle? Is that what you were like?

When I was anywhere, there was no way I was going to LA. Not only did I end up in LA, but I walked into the world famous comedy store. And that was a complete different education. But I walked into the world famous comedy store. And that was a complete different education. You know? Absolutely. And I'm really happy for that.

I'm really happy that Mitchie passed me. I'm happy about my time struggling at the store. And I'm happy about the last seven years at the store. You know, like they were great compared to when I was there before, but it was a real fucking journey, man. And I loved every step of it, Lee. And I could see how you fell in love with it and how everybody else falls in love with it. Oh, it's your buddy George and I were talking about on, on I think Saturday,

the first time he came to LA and he took him to the store to see your name on the wall because George Perez just got his name put on the wall recent in the last couple of years. That to me seems like that's always going to be there. What did that feel like? What did that feel like? Again, I didn't have a life of accomplishments. You know what I'm saying? You know, I graduated high school with Phi Beta Kappa,

college at North Carolina. That meant just as much as a college degree in comedy. That's like a doctorate. That's more than just a career. No, it's a college degree in comedy. That's like a doctor. That's more than just a college degree in comedy. At the time when I put it up there, when they put it up there, I was a college student, but it's what, what I became since they put my name on there, you know, they put my name on the fucking van. Really?

Yeah. Before I left, it was on the fucking van. And? Yeah. Before I left, it was on the fucking van. And I was like, what is, and it, it's an accomplishment, but it's not what you were going for. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you never knew about it, so you weren't going for it. I didn't know about my name on the wall before I walked into the comedy store. And I, well, you got it pretty quick, not like too quickly, but you got it fairly quickly, I think, right?

Within a month. Yeah, and that's awesome. There's nothing wrong with that at all. No. But just the idea, and frankly, like obviously the store is one of the best clubs in the world, but if any club, like if I got to a point of comedy where like,

I don't know, that a comedy club, I got to be part of a club almost. Because not many people are on the wall. Like that to me is like a dream. That would be crazy. That's like a day I'd never forget. I want you to know there's a lot of people on that wall that didn't do much after that God okay you know and after that was it because they like gave up not not give up like thought they had accomplished everything and I

Was passed with three people that I was tight with. Okay. I don't know where the girl is 23 years later. Well, yeah, 20, whatever. I got there in 97. 27 years later, I lost contact with the girl maybe five years into comedy. I never heard her name again, either in New York, I forget what her name was now

But whenever I would come to Jersey or New York, I would ask about it and The guy Larry we were good friends me and him got jobs together at the phone room at the Comedy Store, you know And I don't think he does comedy no more. He's more of an artist. He draws, does paintings and shit like that. I don't know if he sells them, but.

He does them. That's what I'm talking about. You know, so yeah, it's all these, there's so many variables, Lee, and they're so fucking very interesting and listen like the last couple weeks i've gotten into Madonna right real quick i gotta do an ad real quick and when i come back we'll get into this Madonna story i'm gonna talk to you people a little bit about DraftKings. Yo UFC 303 is coming and DraftKings is on point. Get ready

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Slot machine will fortune. I was born every day to pick up $100 Damn, I see I like I got lucky with Blackjack this trip. I love that live Blackjack in New Jersey. And that last, I had that same money in there for about six fucking weeks. Ah, that feels great. Playing with the same $250. I got it up to like 14, up to 18,

then it went down to 9 And then I hit like a $400 fucking bonus. It was crazy, but then All good things must come when you're hot you're hot when you're cold you're fucking cold So now I give it a break for two weeks. I go back on it I and it was just the 200 bucks that you were playing with. Yeah But we're talking about Madonna a couple weeks might put this album by Madonna on Apple Just I was driving and I'm like I gotta go for a long drive. Maybe an hour. I don't want to mess with music I put Madonna the essentials on and

Within 20 minutes. I was fucking blown away. I was blown away I Listened to Madonna from the 80s But most importantly, I listened to Madonna's in the 90s What songs Madonna made a big fucking splash in 84? Big splash in 83 with her debut album then she came back with like a virgin The performance she did at the fucking MTV Music Awards is

Up there with the greatest life performances. I ever seen she came out with the wedding dress And she fucking stripped down to like a thong and something else at the Radio City Music Hall. It just froze motherfuckers it froze me and Then when I left New York in 85, if you walk down the street, you saw 10 girls, five of them were dressed like Madonna. Whores were fucking coming out of the woodwork, right? And then I got involved in whatever I was involved in. She put out another album, whatever, whatever true blue or something I don't fucking know And then I went to prison I got out I got into comedy and then When I got into comedy

Like right around that time you you don't remember this She put out a pepsi commercial and made jesus christ black Holy shit white people went off And then she fucking came out with justify the album a dirty album and They wouldn't put the video on MTV and it was justify my love. You gotta watch that video. I Listen to all these songs the stuff from 2000 is okay Madonna's fire was from 87 to about 94. Madonna was fucking real and she was not a musician. She was not a lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie Like it had a point of view it like yeah Marshall she got backlash But she still remained with Donna She put a book out of her with naked pictures and shit You know when you watch justify my love, it's not a video fucking it's a bunch of gay dudes dancing around and shit and it's like You're like fucking Madonna Was a fucking true artist as there's few people It's like, you're like, fuck a Madonna

was a fucking true artist. There's few people that are really artistes at what they do. Bill Burr, John Mulaney, they're really artistes at what they do. With comedy, we're all artists, we just don't know it. From the beginning or do you think it takes a while to become an artist years, but it's a it's a baby artist you're an embryo You have a fucking embryo whether you're a musician a painter You put cans together

You know you ever go to like a fucking flea market, and there's somebody there together. You know, you ever go to like a fucking flea market and there's somebody there. Like George's mom was an artist. George, my friend, right? She was the real deal. She would take fucking wine bottles and put newspaper around them and melt red wax on the newspaper and sell them for 20 bucks. And she would do 10 a week and take them to a thing. You know, George's that's where George got it from his mother Wow There's some people who are real fucking hard when you when George does a frame for you

It's a work of art. It's not just a frame George doesn't frame that way. He frames from the artist perspective And it's really really good to see would I be talking this shit when I was 30 no, I didn't know what the fucking artist was Would I be talking this shit when I was 40? No 50 maybe now now I really see it who were the people that we thought were just humps or whatever these motherfuckers want to something You know, I saw that Queen got a billion dollars for their music rights. Oh shit That means Madonna is gonna get two million two billion Probably on has got 30 fucking bonafide hits

Over yeah, two billion dollars To bill and if she wasn't a good singer like it was just like the whole package Like that that was so great like the dancing like everything put together And now she looks like Eddie monster she got a gold tooth She sings with a pad, but she's 67. I don't have the balls to do that She's out there. You know? And that's what you look at. You look at, even at some part of my career, I saw a little Archie Street when I was doing

the Ari things. Oh, absolutely. I saw a couple things that I was like, you know what, in a different world with a different attitude, I could have been an artist with a little hat with an apple on top and shit and telling people about the village and my friends in Soho. I could have been a fucking artist, but I mean, right way. It sounds I can understand why you like it sounds kind of like douchey to say artist. But it's not like when you said that when you were talking about that on the way home That night. I just kept thinking

Like all I'm really doing right now is just like writing it and I'm like just starting to add like flair to it But like the way you use your voice the way you move around the way you move your eyes and your eyebrows like put together. It's not just one thing. It's not just sitting there reading off a script of a joke you wrote. It's all of it put together. And that's where I think like the artist comes in is like knowing how to put that

all together, because you could be, you were talking about being an artist with frames, like you could be an artist with food like it seems Like you'd really if you take it. It's just more like a love. I think that the words are the same You know when I went to a meet-up with Joe three weeks ago That wasn't food. That was a work of art those charred clams Were a work of art. That's an artist chef, you know the stuffed We're a work of art. That's an artist chef, you know the stuffed

The stuffed squid ink mm-hmm with the lobster tail and cheese on top that that In that sauce, that's a work of art You know, it's like man said and fucking man on fire a man could be an artist And said and fuck a man on fire a man could be an artist Yeah, that's great. Yeah, he is an artist and he's about to paint his fucking masterpiece, you know And so you're writing the joke. You don't know it's gonna be a masterpiece You know, you don't know where it's gonna go. This is the bit that makes you that gets you to the next thing. You know you never know It's just fucking trying man

Was there a bit that got like that you think like was a turning point for you oh The fucking Lucy Snobbish I'll do it. Okay. Yeah the Beating the hooker up and stealing the wig that was the biggest turning point in my career and honest No No jurisdiction, you know just You do movies you do TV shows you think you develop a following nothing you tell a story about

Mugging a hooker and letting her lighten her wig on fire, people start buying tickets. Remember the first time I sold the show after that story? I sold 150 tickets at that fucking place on Wilshire. It's still there. The guy had the pizza parlor and he did comedy. Right. I can't remember. The the guy had 100 and what were you selling before this if you sold 150 tickets that day? 32 35 40 on a weekend, you know, I still remember working with a booker All those bookers early on they would book you for a number and one of the two shows they booked you for

would not exceed their sales. And then they try to talk you down. And you know, what are your options? Okay, I'll take 500. I was supposed to get 800, but I'll take five. I'll take four. I never forget I went to Orlando. It was Orlando in Tampa this Spanish promoter chick Brought me down there She goes I put a thing out and you were the number two requested comic behind Angel Salazar. So The first night it was tremendous Orlando was like fucking 150 people, you know

The next night in Tampa was like 32. Oh no. And it was time to pay me at like one in the morning this lady kept fucking beating around the bush. And I'm like, listen, and she was with her son, I go listen, when your son fights because he was a fighter, I go, they tell him what they're gonna make if they don't do the gate He still gets the money Mm-hmm, and she goes you're right and she went to the ATM and paid me the 800 or whatever And I felt bad

Because it wasn't her fault. It was my fault on the way You know, I didn't know I didn't know how to promote At that time time, it was MySpace or some shit. We were all confused. Everybody thought just by going on MySpace that you became a star, like Dane Cook. Nobody knew there were steps to it. There was things you had to do, return messages and all this shit. And I always think about that. Whose fault was that that night? return Messages and all this shit, you know

And I always think about that Mike so whose fault was that that night? Because the first thought I did great Like they might have been there was a UFC Okay, there was a UFC But I always did great during UFC's You know some of the best shows I sold that We're doing the USC especially when McGregor fought. I always sold that when McGregor fought It's fucking you like I'm not gonna sell any tickets. No So it's really how you look at things sometimes like how you go into them going well

What do you got this week cock licker this week I on Sunday the 30th I'm at the Comedy Connection in Providence and you have nothing and you had a line in that night no I was it's a it's a it's a showcase show I don't know where I'm going up on it I'm really excited and then if you listen two weeks away but July 5th and 6th I'm in Saratoga the comedy work so if you, this is two weeks away, but July 5th and 6th, I'm in Saratoga at the Comedy Works. So if you're there for July 4th weekend, come on out. Okay.

This week, I think I'll be at the Comedy Dojo one night. Nice. And then next week is July the 3rd on a Wednesday. I'd like to be somewhere that night. You know, like a good comedy show before people take off from town and whatever. Oh, yeah. It's so fun seeing you go up there, especially like, and I get it.

I'm not trying to get you to do more, but like when you're doing it and you're having fun doing it, it's just fun. It's it. You look so free and like you're having so much fun up there. I'm having a lot of fun when I do it once a week once every two weeks it becomes a blast for me it's a hobby I give it a hundred percent I think it's shit you know it's really fucking tremendous but I don't know how you do that you'll be talking about stuff on the car ride up or on the green room and three minutes later you have 15 minutes on it

You just break it down man, you just break it the fuck down I've been doing this for so long I Missed that Lee. I missed that for a while. My mind went dead To writing new jokes. I couldn't pick that and now at least I'm seeing things again, you know, and oh, yeah The worst thing ever is when your mind goes blank and you can't fucking write anymore, you know But we did okay, but I'm really proud of you. Thank you buddy. I got to watch you Saturday night and you were You surprised me more than I thought What happened I could tell you putting the work in. I could tell you sticking to a system.

And it's just working, Brandon. I'm very proud of you. That means the world, dude. I'm having just the talks with you after. Everyone who brings me out, it just, I'm having a blast. It's, I don't know what else to say. Thank you. Just keep doing what you're doing and I'll see you next week, cocksucker. Love you, buddy. Feel better. Love you. Have a great week. The check-in is brought to you by Blue Choo.

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