Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #256 - Sam Tripoli, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 12, 2015

Sam Tripoli, Comedian and co-host of The Punch Drunk podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. 
Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box 
Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. 
Recorded live on 02/11/2015.
 Music:
 Whip It - Devo Cisco Kid - War

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fucking bump on a log you fuck nature box comm slash joey go to me on these comm slash joey and check out the pictures they have of all the men's and women's underwear if you go to me on these comm slash joey right now you're gonna get 20 off of your first order and for a very limited time they're offering free shipping in the u.s. and canada go to on it comm what somebody go to on it dot com these covert church to get 10 off all of their optimization products alpha brain new mood shumtech immune shumtech sport all of the hemp forest protein powders it's covert church for 10 off and go to iron dragon tv dot com iron dragon tv is a brand new roku channel and has all of your favorite martial arts martial arts movies the it man series tai chi

hero old-school Jackie Chan before rush hour go to iron dragon tv dot com and these code word code word joey to get two free rentals damn little eyeman oh shit oh shit oh shit are you fucking kidding me crack that whip take that dick out grab it by the fucking head put on your johnson and just smear it on that fucking souffle of cock it's wednesday it's tuesday night special edition church and what's happening now mother fuckers put away the remote and put keep that going leave a whip it easy shake what shake it up oh mother fucker but stick it in lick the fast lick a click by the hair by the toe stick it in her muffler

here we go leave when that bitch comes around you put your finger in the rest and then you fling it make it look like a popsicle like a fucking popsicle what's happening you bad mother fuckers the church of what's happening now bitches tuesday night tomorrow's wednesday we figure we take the fucking day off sam trippley's here tonight in the house from punch drunk fucking sports and many other podcasts and tripple at the church brian count these guys got like 18 different fucking podcasts i don't know how they do it brian counts on the eight-minute podcast the ten-minute podcast he's got a sports podcast the brian count on man now how the fuck they do it i'm a hunter i'm a hunter who the fuck knows

what's up with you flying jew everything all right with you everything you've been all fucked up man you got high fast dude you are high last night i'm not high right now last night i got the highest i've ever ever ever been on t8c what i blacked out for the last time i probably had 800 milligrams in me deep well you should have seen i should have taken a picture we had oh my god all the stars and i don't know what you ate before you got i had two candies then i got here and i ate two stars but the time i left here i was so fucking hungry i had to eat the chocolate bar that was 23 oh that happened to me yeah that's happened to me when i was in Toronto 40 milligrams and then i got so high with the chocolate bar i had to eat the fucking peanut butter cookie and there was another

140 fucking you eating the chocolate bar during the podcast oh my god i was fucking i went to pee at two in the morning everything was purple at that time i took ecstasy on 144 in the north garden it was something that i fucking could i was high as shit i got up this one i went to acupuncture she said something to me at one o'clock she says you smoke a lot of pop before you come anytime i got smoked the usual she goes i don't want to go i got smoked like six in the morning seven thirty eight fifteen that type of shit and i got busy she goes man there's a lot of reef ring yes i'm like all last night i must have dropped a fucking thousand milligrams oh my god i got fucked up and i called him a few times this fucking guy got up got in this car i went for

yum yum donuts at like 11 o'clock that's how strong that's how tough his nails this fucking guy yum yum donuts dog i was so i was so fucking the hollywood one or no right over here right over here right over it wasn't hollywood shady oh no i don't want to send him on a show it tastes funny and shit like they jerk off like they whack off in the fucking something something's not right because i had yum yum that's cream filled years ago no no they whack off in the battle like brad pit and fight club they fucking uh over here they got a yum yum on Lancashire but and it's disgusting yeah i didn't go that one i ate there one time it was disgusting the yum yum is by the school by unmagnolia that's the mac daddy across from taco bell yeah next to the hamburger joint is that hamburger

joint good i heard i heard that hamburger place is pretty you know what man i went there i had to be five years ago me and terry walking around the neighborhood and got a hamburger it was what it was no but i i went i was just i ate pretty healthy last night before that i like i only had a little bit to eat but then around 11 o'clock i just couldn't take and i was i wanted just glazed donuts but i said glazed i didn't even look and he gave me those two the bars like the twisted bars you killed both of us yeah i used to love the half moon dude i used to own as a kid i couldn't stop crushing half moon what's a half moon one's half uh chocolate half vanilla frosting all day i like french colors but they always have frosting on them out here i like just the plain glazed ones

i grew up on fucking intimates the chocolate with the white balls and then when you took them out that the sugar fell off and there was chocolatey as fuck and i think at them and stopped making those i like dunkin donuts when i was a kid in jersey apple and spice it's gone so it's garbage now now they're garbage because the corporate right they went corporate like little mom and pop they took the fat out they took the fat out of the fucking donut i finally went to the one in san amonica and i just got a drink and it just it wasn't why are we making healthy donuts you're eating donuts it's donuts yeah no it's uh i'll tell you what that coffee they got the high level Brazilian bold or whatever they have at 10 11 at dunkin donuts it's fucking top notch i should

keep you up that should keep you ever eat uh pizza at 7 11 you ever see people go to 7 11 they get like dinner they're like it's like they're going to a restaurant no he tortures me every time we go because we'll go when i'm high and he'll be like what you want one of these pizzas those fucking wings and those churros they got those sticks it's like you gotta hate yourself oh my god those little Indians they haven't watched their fingers in 15 and they always try to upsell me oh yeah yeah they always get you don't fuck around do it three wings 30 cents i want to know what a fucking 7 11 makes a day but when i was in buffalo the cab driver he lived here and he goes for five years i ran Sherman oaks kanoga park his uncle owns 11 of them and he ran five 11 millions and he

said that uh fucking he would make a ton of loot there as a manager but he didn't like uh his wife got divorced who the fuck knows but i know that that's 7 11 they fucking upsell you they got everything in a year they're gonna have clothes they say if you own if you own a 7 11 you you're a millionaire 1 7 11 that's how much money you make on those motherfuckers they don't stop you sit there they don't stop and they sell everything hot dogs churros the fucking petrified pizza that i know you ate i've never eaten that's got even their bananas are different yeah like their bananas even have like a weird little woman's shit they're little bananas that chicken salad on fucking wheat bread ain't bad oh you're a man oh fuck yeah i would never eat anything with mayonnaise

the italian thing you i agree with that i agree with that the italian ain't bad then the italian sandwich take the fucking take it home take the lettuce off the less is always bad put it in the oven dope it up put some lettuce some olive oil some vinegar and some fucking oregano with some crushed red pepper shit you wouldn't know the difference they got you know why because they got real pepperoni when you bite into the pepperoni like oh my god this i can't take egg salad if it's wrapped up do you know what i'm saying like egg salad should never be some sold in a wrap no no no egg salad's gotta be poured i gotta see it i gotta see the hand i want him to be a bad magician i gotta see the fucking hand cock sucker with egg salad shrimp when i was a kid dog magician

that's a line right there when i was a kid there was a place on bergen boulevard 666 it was like 33 666 and that's what we call the deli 666 it was in a fucking white neighborhood but they were japanese people but they made a fucking shrimp salad that would make your fucking ass no curl up on the fucking new jersey bread that fucking guinea bread that's hard fried shrimp versus steam shrimp no no no shrimp salad with the mayo yeah no fried no i've never heard of shrimp salad before this rock shrimp like little shrimp like big prawns and they cut it up and they put celery and little pieces of coast law and let us a little spicy in that motherfucker and they put it on like a long sub fuck do you see that picture someone tweeted this of the north bergen newspaper

this morning could you see that they're calling them here like they compared them to hitler what happened apparently he's a dictator he's taken like 500 grand in three salaries what you know when i sit here all right i'm a felon we got that out of the way i'm a felon but the reason why this this podcast is never politically open like is because i have no knowledge of politics but the reason why is because i do not care yeah because it's more it's just being a fucking criminal without a gun that's how smart they are they get sold they're criminals without guns when i think of the mayor of my hometown i get sick to my stomach and he's got these people hypnotized he's like jim jones and that that's it's old it's from last week oh it's between it again to break my balls with

somebody between the last week and it shows him for del castro those guys became there's a bunch of those guys that the higher they get they get multiple jobs so they'll get so these take like three salaries it's i saw the headline said three salaries and that's not even with the illegal kickback right he's uh probably gets like he's probably like superintendent in schools he's the mayor and he's probably uh something a transportation yeah dude if you run for public office you're probably a scumbag i mean that's just my opinion well you start off with a great intention i don't believe that you you start off with a great intention and you know when you go up to people they're sleazy you think a lot of teeth and they're always fucking smiling motherfuckers

or people who look in the face there's people i bet start off with great intentions and they just run in and they're surrounded with fucking douchebags how many times did you have people here that you knew from the comedy store and also one day they became a writer on a show or something and they got surrounded by these fucking hipsters or something yeah and next you know you see this guy one night in Los Feliz and you're like hey and he's like excuse me i gotta go and he shakes your hand happens all the time happens all the time and you're like i knew you we used to run together all the time we used to walk the paint dot and share a fucking meatball sandwich and now you're gonna treat me this way yeah they just uh well what would you do if someone offered you

five hundred thousand if someone offered me five hundred grand and then said oh all you have to do is pass a couple laws and make my business make more money i'd probably do it five hundred grand a year is a lot of money you know there's different ways you know and i agree with you you know the medical companies you know the pharmaceutical companies yeah that's all the way up in the top that's like yeah that's like a complete different fucking form of stealing you know you're taking three people you know you come to me and go listen next year they want to sam trippley wants to squash this law you know talk to him about a history hundred thousand i give sam a hundred thousand i keep 200 000 when the scam goes down i rat on sam because he took the hundred

it's fucking amazing like i don't even i don't even think i won't let me at least save sam and look sam and the i go sam you owe me one when i get out of here give me a fucking job no matter what right you follow me no no they rat on sam oh yeah that's what they do it's it's it's really i grew up in that yeah i grew up in that from the time i moved to north bergen downtown once i started hanging out with carmen i'm balzano who i put a picture on on facebook i saw that of him and i eat him at the thing uh i understood it when i go walk around with him he tell me come to the spanish people's house and talk to them in spanish you know to get votes and shit like that i saw it but they had great intentions the maco administration steve maco's father from america's

top yeah his uncle they had great they had great intentions but then something happened in my hometown that destroyed my hometown forever the waterfront all those pictures you see of new york city had taken from fucking north bergen west new york fort lee whole bulk and you know all that that surrounds that waterfront well once they started building in that waterfront i mean just when i tell you this this will freak you out because till this day it freaks me out and i called them about three months ago and we had a great conversation my eighth grade teacher was the mayor of wehalken that's like my eighth grade teacher in north hollywood being the mayor of studio city like it's like you're the fucking mayor yeah why are you teaching an eighth grade class and it wasn't a

no-show job he was there every day and he loved it and he fucking you know but can you imagine that that's how creepy my hometown is yeah that the mayor of wehalken till this day the only reason why i could figure out why the mayor of wehalken was a north bergen teacher is because of that fucking waterfront because he went to jail he ended up going to jail after a teacher walley lindsey in the corner jail some on the waterfront building some scam in fact when we spoke a couple months ago he told me that they wrote a script and james franco was gonna play him well what about uh what's that city where barone's from hoboken isn't that like more expensive than new york city or just as expensive now yeah because everyone's moving there because it was cheaper but now

well you know apartments you remember the movie american hustler yeah that that the american hustle that just came out a little while ago yeah like that's what you're talking about it's like the the guy who plays the mayor now he he's corrupt only because he's trying to help the community right and he ends up going to jail that's why i didn't like that movie and it was it was you know there was individually great acting in that movie but the movie should have been about the the mayor trying to do well what having to work with scumbags instead of a bunch of scumbags trying to eff this mayor over but that's exactly what you're saying like he he wanted to help the community but he had to play a little game you had to play a little ball and he ended up getting fucked by these dudes

and going to jail you know i'm saying they take all the money they rat him out he goes to jail but they end up he's only doing like 10 five years or something there's not one mayor in my hudson hudson county where i'm from that i would just resign to stops they all end up in jail i heard the same thing about like illinois governors like chicago governors like the past three or four of them yeah they all end up in jail because they just listen you just get too greedy the word gets on you start stealing with three fucking hands everybody who comes to you hey man i want to build the honda dealership over here but it's a no zone let me see what i'm gonna do i'm gonna call my own yeah snowy yeah come on down the problem is this guy wants 80 000 i want 70 fucking thousand

you know the construct of the handicapper what is that the guy who draws it the engineer wants 20 architect and the architect wants 20 at the end of the day nobody wants nothing yeah nobody wants nothing it's just all me just making up numbers that's all they do that's how they rob you well what about these cable companies like what we're paying for business internet here is like is probably five times what i'm paying but i get i get at home but i get faster at home and it's because they just don't have there's no other competition no no no no no no they they they zone it out it's the weirdest thing in this is supposed to be some kind of like capitalism but they've all like it's all collusion man it's like the mafia yeah at either time we got this or AT&T over here correct

and AT&T doesn't even have the speed so yeah those are the two options it's a monopoly and then Comcast the Time Warner combined and the biggest thing they're saying is because they're getting investigated for monopoly and the biggest thing they're saying is oh well we're in different sides of the country well yeah Time Warner took the west coast yeah and Comcast took the east coast and and that's the other you have like maybe you're lucky if you have three options it's still awful cable files Verizon and AT&T i can't believe that flies i cannot believe that people let that shit fly dude they're like you can only get that cable company if you live there you have to go through them there's no negotiating or fighting over prices people need internet too much people

what you would have to do is why caught internet but no one's going to do that well how do you get your own internet how do they own the internet how do they how can i can't just grab it from the sky get on my own shit well that's why that net neutrality thing is really scary but like i forget who did it but somebody just made it illegal or put it on a way to because what they were going to do is slow down yeah certain websites yeah for like for fees or whatever what they're going to make it it was going to make it for harder for harder for an independent contractor or an artist to their website was going to take a lot longer to load up and then all the big corporations would be fast boom boom boom boom but the FCC guy was like no

we can't have that it was like the most amazing thing because everyone thought for sure he was just going to say goodbye to net neutrality which would have fucked the internet you know this nsa stuff that's going on it's it really has fucked just the internet because what's going on is like brazil is making their own internet wow which is yeah which means it's going to be completely detached from our internet which is going to pretty much ruin the internet the point the internet was everybody's connected yeah now because we're spying on everybody now they're breaking it up so they're going to have their own internet and it's just going to it's going to well do you hear about samsung what happened with samsung like the last couple days they have these tv's now where the in

the commercials you would talk to the tv and say on or off or whatever and they just put out don't have private conversations in front of the tv's because the tv's are recording all the stuff and sending it to a third party oh my god samsung actually came out and said don't have any private don't have any important conversations in front of our tv's because they're getting recorded i've been telling you that for 20 fucking years dude this shit's just it's everything that we saw in the movies is now happening like i'm right with this guy named bet and ben wilson and he's like right he's like and i couldn't hook up this they aim chat thing so he's like hold on let me take over your screen and the dude from where he's at takes over my home screen starts clicking on i'm like

what the fuck is this dude i've never seen that shit before have you ever seen where some other dude way over there runs your fucking screen i throw him out that's when i throw you out of the fucking house how'd you do it i don't want to know get the fuck out of my tv gets robbed i'll fuck in the head with a pipe weird as shit it's it's uh you know the public isn't really aware of corruption at any level we all want to believe that everybody has our back you know joe american wakes up in the morning goes to work 40 hours a week he gets a pension they take taxes out at the end of the year he pays a tax where he finds a bunch of loopholes and he doesn't pay a tax and we feel protected at every level we lock two doors at night we shut the windows and that's it

that's it yeah that's not it guys yeah that's not really it yeah so and and there's so many things that we just bank on you know we wake up in the morning i can't even tell you who the mayor studio city is i can't tell you who the mayor fucking hollywood is i don't give a fuck it's got nothing to do with my fucking world because you know my world we're trying to move straight ahead i'm sitting there going what a mayor race in this town it's tight who gives a fuck you don't even live there what do you give a fucking they put apart for little kids don't give a fucking pigeon die or not what do you everybody's always you know wants to save the whale motherfuckers right but it's as a young man i saw so much of it that wasn't it wasn't disgusting to me i wasn't

turned off by it i didn't judge you by it i just saw the way things worked so when i see some guy going yeah i'm going to man's office and talking about this i'm just giggle i just giggle in my fucking head because i know that this idiot doesn't even know you gotta show up on an envelope did you ever think about becoming a politician because i knew you wanted to be a lawyer and that kind of leads right into that no no no there was no i grew up when i left north bergen i had done all these little crazy things but the first time i realized i had a leave was when these people came up to me they're like hey man you've been getting away with murdering you gotta help us now and i knew that they didn't want me to put a suit on they wanted me to burn crosses and do crazy

shit like that now i just didn't want to do it for the sake of fucking politics right it's like anything else i didn't want to do as a kid you know we robbed this thing one time we've only got 25 000 dollars and these gangsters came up to me they're like well give us half and we'll protect you where you talking about the fuck you thought half i'm not gonna give you half i'll give you a couple hundred you stick around you have a b do a couple lines but i ain't giving you half a fucking nothing right and that's what it becomes you know these i never understood the mafia the mafia wait a second so wait a second let me get this straight so i'm gonna go out all week and risk my fucking neck to make moves and at the end of the week if i make five thousand dollars

i gotta give you a percentage of my money but if i want to move up in the ranks i gotta give you the most money so even though lee kills 18 guys and whatever if he only shows up at 300 lee is 300 if i show up and i move coke but i tell him i'm a bookie and i show up and i give them three thousand a fucking week every week that's 12 000 a fucking month i give some fucking schmuck after about two years who'll make me a gangster who'll make me into the mafia i could tell him i'm a bookmaker but the whole time i'll be selling fucking bull do you follow what the point is here here you are a solid guy you'll shoot people in the head they don't judge you by that he's a solid guy you're a solid guy you shoot people how many people have some of that i'm a good good trip what

you doing tonight do me a favor uh cover your ears lee no you're fucking on the way home go shoot people you know your buddy the wrong leg and when you do the podcast yeah go shoot him and this fucking life how many people have that they could have that power but i can just look at you and go stop on the way home and shoot triply he's gotta go he's a fucking rat he went to sirius xm do you ever see the movie uh ice man coming ice man coming to doc where he's like to get into the mob they just drove around and the guys like randomly killed that dude walking the dog and the guy just walked up behind him boom got back in his car and drove off and that's how he got in but those people were psycho fucking pads yeah see that that was something that people never understood that crew

was completely whacked out the problem with that crew was they weren't six zombies they really were six zombies but again roi demaeo made so much money he was giving away 50 000 a week when somebody gives you 50 000 a week you're like yeah and you i'm giving you 50 000 i don't know what you're giving triply you might give triply 10 and say this is all that fat fuck only gave me 10 you don't know because he don't want to talk to me he never wants to talk to me right so you don't know so he kept giving them money until demaeo kept saying hey what the fuck i give you a ton of money when he talked to paul castellano and finally they caught paul castellano at a weak moment he goes make him and once they made demaeo demaeo didn't even report to like it anyway they didn't want him around

he made people nervous and weddings and shit so they told him don't even come around he reported to one guy only because they were creepy they sat around this bar i don't know what the name of the bar was not the motion lounge there was something else this bar and that's what they planned and they killed people right next door so if they wanted to kill you they just invite you to the bar and they go you hungry yeah they take you inside a guy would come out they shoot you in the head they wrap a towel around you then they'd stab you in the heart so the heart would stop bleeding then they'd take you in the tub and they'd hang you upside down they'd drain you huh and then they come back six seven hours later after they had lunch and they cut you up into pieces they swear

to fucking god these people this is not that's not a gangster cutting people up and put them in a fucking tub is not a gangster right that's insane it's insanity that's that's just another word psychopath yeah that's another word from charles manson yeah okay a gangster's a psychopath he could kill you but he's out there robbing he's out there earning fucking money he's not these guys and there's some rules right there's some rules these guys killed over 200 people they weren't in it for the mafia they weren't in it for a license to kill people they were zombos they were fucking zombies zombos what are your thoughts on the on the mob because you grew up with it are you pro like you hate them am i pro am i hate them uh no i do not hate anybody like that i grew up with a bunch of kids

that their parents were involved or whatever i didn't hate them i just hate it what they represented in a way like what what people got from them like i don't like when a guy walks around like when a guy walks around that he's angry like why should a guy be sitting at a table by himself like in thought you know like and two guys are standing like bodyguards what is how what does he do that he's so much better than us that he could sit there by himself in deep thought and think why everybody else is good you know like that type of shit i'd always saw it for what it was they're fucking hoodlums that's all they are the guys cutting fucking corners trying to make a living and they probably earned 20 000 a week which in the fucking street world that's a ton of money

when i wake up on a monday morning and by friday i put together 15 grand on the street what does that mean joey tuesday triply shows up with a fucking truck full of tv's and he says joey i just want 10 000 for the load i go out and make another i make 20 000 that 20 000 is mine i just made 20 fucking thousand you know what you do then most guys go home and sleep and do drugs fuck that you do drugs but you get up the next morning wanting to steal again yeah and you're stealing every day you gotta remember the more spaghetti you throw against the wall the more it's gonna stick so if you're a 24-7 criminal you got your hands in a thousand things you know we're centrally located at the ha ha cafe that's where we go to eat breakfast and lunch that's

where we're centrally located but there is what we do a thousand things so if somebody comes to us and says dog you got two pounds of blow i need to move it trips the blow guy trip we'll go fucking get the blow guy and trip we'll go move the fucking blow with me and we'll each make six thousand for the day but every day that we do that we're risking 10 years of our fucking lives that's do you think they're bad people no no they're quiet boys they deserve to go to heaven they just they you know you can look at them from 20 different angles when i was robbing was i a bad person no i was a weak person because i had the potential to do whatever the fuck i want i could be a mick drick mason i can mix cocktails i could fucking a wire a thing

no i chose to rob drug dealers easy money would you say would you say you took the path of easy easy i even know robin isn't that very easy but quick money quick money would you say that's absolute fucking loopy absolute fucking loopy you're an american you're fucking and i'm not offending nobody here okay you're fucking get up in the morning all right you go to your front porch and there's somebody from another fucking country driving a fucking lexicon or a fucking mistake these bends you got to get up every morning you're an electrician's helper you get nine bucks an hour you got to rip down walls you got to take down old insulation re-put the fucking thing up new insulation you're breathing that without a mask they don't give a fuck nine dollars and that was what

360 a week yeah before taxes before time let's say they give me a 12 what the fuck they give you at the end of the week what's 12 dollars the 12 dollars nine was four fucking 80 40 after taxes 400 that's 1600 a month you're breathing dead bodies and shit like that okay your cousin comes over to you and says hey let's take a ride the fucking hollywood you know help me sell whatever i give you 500 at the end of the night how are you gonna look at that 500 you're gonna go out to your cousins in about two weeks and pick up another five or four then about two more we should have picked up another five or four and then one day it's gonna be raining out you're gonna wake up at six in the morning you're out of mayonnaise

your girl from mr period you getting your car the battery don't start your buddy picks you up you get to work it's on the third floor you got to carry wiring up you look up that wiring and all sudden something just looks at you and goes hey stupid you keep carrying this shit up the stairs and hanging out with these fucking momos before radio week you can hang with your cousin on Friday nights and make 500 bucks and stay home and fuck your wife and the ass the rest of the yeah and it seems kind of like the answer to the politics essentially i mean it's just you could look at it from a normal job people go to work like the electricians job the electricians are probably hanging out having coffee and just doing the small stuff that it doesn't take a lot

of effort or like physical effort the mob was just like oh if the government's going to take 30 and then more taxes and then they're going to make millions why don't we just sell this stuff that they made illegal and make a ton of money when we can yeah you know it's almost like what happens with adult film stars dude it's like everyone goes oh it's too great those girls could go get a real job i know some they have college education it's just quick money dude it's fast money just doing adult being an adult film star it's like okay here's two grand come bone these eight dudes and quick money you know you look at society you look what they give you you know what are your options when you're not college educated even when you're college educated okay so what are

you gonna do if i you know when i was a kid i had quail boots quail boots i paid two dollars a piece from so for a hundred for 200 bucks i got 100 quail i could sell them for four that made me 200 bucks i'm gonna be noticed 200 bucks a day five days a week is a thousand bucks a fucking week they're too bad they ain't too bad i know that out of the 500 quail boots i'm gonna sell 450 i'm gonna eat 50 of them or give them away or whatever you know you gotta you gotta rock and roll still that's a great profit for a fucking 20 year old if you're not right these kids that sell X to see at these clubs they don't work they don't work the fuck you don't work for you get up at night and you go to a club and sell X that's what you do quick money quick money i do do do i want my

daughter to do it do i want sam's son to do it do i want your son to do it no we have to raise him to be a little stronger than that mentally i wasn't you know i was out there i saw it it was i was surrounded with it i was surrounded with people who had a scam for life listen let's get something straight 60 percent of the reason i became a comic was because i wasn't gonna get a fucking day job i've said this on that much 60 a thousand time 70 percent yeah i'm with you i'm right i'm telling you right now i knew there was something about hanging out in the daytime that gave me a sense of strength fuck getting around and rushing around and packing the brown bag taking orders i can't do that shoot i knew that at 16 i knew i was not gonna have a day job so immediately i started

looking for night options i went with like either a night warehouse or bartender i would have worked on a night warehouse i i didn't i worked on i started working on a night warehouse when i was 17 i was a senior nights like quit high school to work at mass back sentry to load trucks at night because i never cared about nightlife as long as i got high i don't give a fuck about going out and hanging out with a bunch of people at a bar people breathing vodka breath on me and shitting stepping on my fucking shoes and acting like fucking wackos i didn't i never cared about nightlife never i could care less about all that shit i went out i went out but i enjoyed myself every time i go out as a child even today once i get to what you fucking people say is great once i get

there i look around and i ask myself why the fuck am i here yeah this ain't better than being at home with a bong in front of me and that's i i've always been that way so i never really gave a fuck about being i never got it i've never been super i never really got it super social i could stay home and not miss i don't know what the fuck people are talking about so my nightlife could have been a race i would give it all up to be alone in the daytime for me peace of mind is what i do now is be alone the daytime alone the fucking daytime is my gift i love it i love being able to have my choice i still get up early still got i don't know where to go that's unbelievable i gotta know where to go in the morning i don't know any comic get maybe whitney comings you and

whitney comings get up at six in the morning six in the morning you gotta greet that motherfucker with your dick hard the flying the fucking is ironed you go to my house the american flag is ironed i got that motherfucker starts dubbing a little chinese dude that starts just that motherfucker but was it looked down upon when you were getting jobs because i can't tell you now how many people i talked to that i tell what i'm doing and at least two or three times a week i have to defend my decision not to go into work and yeah i could be making more money right now but the 405 sucks doing it for myself is pretty awesome not looking at my boss and seeing them drive off in a in a Mercedes and coming in two hours late and leaving an hour before everybody

else yeah dude own your own shit i've always said that dude tommy from the comedy store biggest mistake that dude did he put 11 years into something he didn't own dude i'll never invest that much time in anything i don't own i need to have a piece of that shit the warrant that amount of investment of my life and my energy man you gotta own a piece because eventually you just they'll get rid of you for somebody cheaper or somebody thinks different you gotta if you own your own thing you put your time and effort in you get to the enjoy the fruits of your labor that's my hope that's the naughty show that's all my podcasting that's my whole brand that's all i care about is like this is what i want to do and i want to own it and i like being my own boss and

i'm more successful than some not as successful as others but at least i own my own shit you're there you're there you're right there you can stay in the pocket clean and sober now i'm getting to the point where every time my agent calls i shriek at the fucking phone he is the biggest pain in the ass like he started calling me friday last thursday they want you to go do 80 off his movie tomorrow i go first off that ain't happening just out of fucking just because that's how i roll they're gonna do 80 off for the next month do not believe that tomorrow because what if i was on the plane to the buffalo right there would be no tomorrow so tell him right off the bat there ain't no tomorrow i said tell him i call him tomorrow night at seven let them know they called i called two numbers

they never called me i said fuck him for friday monday night they finally my agent called like monday at one after i told him i don't make the decisions till seven o'clock he called me i went hey and he going in tomorrow at two o'clock i said time to call me at seven i'll let you know i need to know now that i can't know now because if i get an audition over powers the ad r so we're having a waste of a fucking conversation there's no waste of a conversation why are we having this bye click this motherfucker calls me now or later how about 130 i was like a guy relax so they sent me contracts to go sign because the contracts get renewed once a year you know and i and then he called again i did it already no no no they want you to come down from the commercial department

and the theatrical they want you to fill out paperwork i said listen you know how many times i'm on that side of time never all right just whatever i'll get there when i get there yeah but if i'm then they hit me with the we ever if we if a role comes out you won't send me out let me ask you a question if brad pick calls you right now with a role for fat joey for 15 grand the week you're not going to take it because a contract is signed before you answer that i'll see you when i see they need the contract sign sign it yourself click i just hung up on he called two i mean you know you're the best i just don't listen you call your own shots it's because we're way beyond this anymore we are way beyond this i've been in this town for 18 fucking years i heard all

the rush stories how we need this tomorrow and now there's never a rush for anything and no everyone's boss is trying to wait it's just trying to get stuff to make it look good for their boss hurry up and wait dog i was listening to somebody i was listening to russell peters on a podcast and he was saying how conan said it wasn't he wasn't right for his show and it was pete holmes podcast and pete holmes said trust me i had a show conan never said that russell peters wasn't right for your first show it was his producer making the decision it's just crazy how people just make he i don't why would they just make well peter not well yeah dude you're dealing with yeah these people they have their own in agendas and all this shit and it's why wouldn't

russell peters the guy who fills arenas be right for conan right it's ridiculous it's ridiculous listen everybody i love conan but come on man it's russell peters everybody has whatever they want you know everybody has a different situation you know maybe they had maybe that producer wanted to hire russell for something five years early russell said no yeah you never know dude that's how stupid it is well we don't like russell peters hinders don't do well hinders don't do well you never know what excuse he gives you never know what's going to come out of their mouth they got a new show on cbs that is a fucking direct abc that's just racism from the minute you watch fresh off the boat yeah oh my god it's this fucking like if i was asian i look at

and go what the fuck are they doing i don't know i freaked out when they saw when she saw the commercial yeah my girlfriend was mexican she didn't like her she just because she saw the name fresh off the boat she's like that's the most racist oh my god that is the weirdest and it's a cute show i'm sure it's great that you know the asians are at home jumping up and down they represented last asian was marga chow they told us she wasn't chinese enough or korean enough you know uh i said but when i saw the show in the name of it i was like what the fuck is going on you know they'll tell guys like us we're too blue for the more television and then you put on uh fucko and he's uh two and a half man yeah he's cursing fucking chicks saying sexual innuendos you know saying i don't give a

fuck anymore that's why you're right i'm so happy that the podcast came in the podcast has it took my mind off worthless shit that whole agency world and stuff i'm done with it listen i love performing that's all i want to do you want to give me the role give me the role if not i'm not driving a one of brothers at 330 bro i'm not going i just want i love doing stand up the only thing i want to do is can i put asses in seats i think even that you know it's just like that's all that matters and then it's just like i just love doing k i love stand up everything's to do more everything's to do better stand there was nothing in the world that that's worse than you having a job that they pay you well for and this is what you have to do

this is what you have to do you're stuck doing this it sucks waking up and hating where you're going and hating where you're going you know any griffin was a crazy comic crazy dude and hung out at the comedy store he had a top two movies top two top 10 movies at the same time dog that's how great and we were in that club club with him hanging out every night and he used to say some crazy fucking things that over the years are really settled one of them was you've gotten to stand up to be a comedian you ain't supposed to have no job you know like about having a daytime tv job like on the tv sitcom he fun and then when he did like what happened to you with man i got like 19 brothers reaching out for me brand you know you just i always thought i wanted to do

tv when i got here guys i loved it i loved it the first time i got a show i think it was uh i think it was a james colburn but it wasn't network i think my first network show was a show for mbc about attorneys and i remember that i left that going this is cool but i don't know i don't know if i could do this every day i don't know if i you know when you get to those sets in your circle there's 20 people and three of them you invite to lunch a year for 10 fucking minutes that's 17 people you look at and you go i don't want these fucking people either they're too fake and it's been like the last two years every time i do a tv show i get more and more turned off by it like man was great brooklyn nine nine was great i did this show with the scolar brothers

that i wanted to fucking hang myself on the set it was bad the people the director was like one of those cbs directors from 30 years that had done it all but he was horrible at this point he was just working on ego now he had like a white hair and he had the everything was perfect his head was shaved perfect and he would play bruce springsteen loud and i asked the chick what is it with this fucking springsteen shit and she's like all these these personal friends are the director he always plays spring stream when he's getting ready to shoot i'm like this is fucking cheesier unbelievable about the fucking shoot you know so that's when i realized i started liking stand up a lot more than that when i started realizing i love movies but i don't want to do no movie for 10 days

anymore that's brutal the longest year i was fucking brutal after like october i was like all right enough enough and we were there till like december you know after you go into the same job every day the same tattoos that's when i started feeling and listen i'm very lucky to be in the movie i'm very fortunate but you learn you learn that uh when i was a young kid somebody told me something that always stuck with me it's better to want than to have sometimes you know i was telling leo the agustina that was a girl in high school oh my god sam trippley the first time this girl walked into a freshman algebra i looked at the chunk over a pussy it was ginormous this chick had a fucking pussy in high school freshman year that weighed maybe 58 59 pounds and what and she used to

wear clogs it was a monster and i used to look at that fucking monkey every day i never said a word to her she was beautiful she just had big hips she was a hippy bitch and uh i would look at that every day she was hot she had i would tell people what are you thinking like yeah she's hot but she was italian she had a little mustache oh man but you couldn't see it and after people insulted then she got a fake but she was she had a beautiful face i love a fat ass oh my god and finally like a month before my mother died i cooked up at a party we swapped spit i started playing with the top of a pubic hair but i wasn't even in her pussy range just the top i felt like the top oh my god my head almost blew up then she wouldn't talk to me for a while then my mom died

she showed up and then we were on and off friends for years and to make a stone lost a long story short my senior year in high school we started coming around and once everybody graduated i caught that bitch off guard but what pissed me off was somewhere in like my junior year we're at joe mary's the bar we hung out with lila jumped off the roof and he peed on the dog and i peed on the dog you peed on a dog it was her dog and we just lay there so i want to see if he was dead so one day i would just take my dick out when i was coked up when i tried to pee on the dog and i peed on him a little bit so horrible i would never do that that's when my life was and what the dog did it ever move he just laid there and then lila would tell us weeks later

somebody gets peeing on my dog my dog i take him home it smells like mud-wise fucking horrible it was a horrible person horrible horrible you just didn't know any better dude you were just a young dog that we used to make dumb decisions i was young i had my uh you know i was angry at the world i was going there and i hated lila some nights you know some nights she would charge me some nights i go and i only had 20 bucks i want to buy some blow i thought she was just you know gonna give me drinks all night and give me take a five off the top and she would charge me i get pissed off a lot of lila you bitch last night came in he didn't charge me for no drinks so so what happened till you were hooking up with that girl so i went in there one night

we were all hanging out having a good time and i said something to her i said i would like to take you out she goes that's never gonna happen and i don't need talking much she goes that's never gonna happen that was a mistake that night we got together oh no that's never gonna happen again between a girl like me and you that was the luckiest day of your life the luckiest day and i looked at this bitch like you have no idea what you just decided i'm gonna take you into deep deep psychological fucking waters so you know i did don't i stopped talking to the motherfucker we got to an argument one night but i just stopped talking to us cut her out completely i did that for like a fucking year if i knew she was gonna be somewhere i would not go there i had her on a fucking battle

rome sometimes you gotta shut down i shut that bitch down and she finally cracked one birthday of mine my one mom birthday of mine she cracked and came over and then we started talking on the phone little by little you know and i never mentioned anything but i always wanted i knew i was gonna fuck her and rock her world i just knew i'm gonna fuck this chick to death in the shit i was young i'd maybe fucked one of the chick or something and finally she gets started doing blow when we were in high school and that's how i got that was the fucking weak point right there what is it about blow that chicks like to get weird once she told me she started doing blow i was like i got this bitch so we went to this club one night not all of us i

saw at this club and she's like you don't call my house anymore what's the problem you don't like me no more yeah i like i go hold on hold on to this but she goes well you gotta promise to call my god call you in fact let's go out to dinner tomorrow night she goes fine i had her i go hold on to this blow i gave like three grams of blow to hold she was my bitch you know what i'm saying once they hold you blow that you're old lady that's it's like it's like son's anarchy i gave him my blow to hold i met her the next night we went to a restaurant pick at least you know i got the lobster fried diablo you understand yeah 15 big pimping big pimping they gave me the big dish shape like a fish beddling weenie clams and mussels surround the dish and in the middle they got shrimp and a

fucking lobster tail just a fish extravaganza super spicy i took it for that super spicy the whole fucking thing in the car gave a couple bumps for the digestion we started swapping spit i took those panties off suddenly that monkey i called the time out i put a little coke rock and i'm monkey like that chick at the union that night when i got thrown out of there with the arab caught me fucking coke and monkeys dude this chick was oh my god i loved her i was really in love with then we talked like two days went back and forth i said the story the other day i don't know why you're making me say it again i'm not making me say anything there's a great story you didn't say the other day i've heard it before i was talking to somebody about this the other day but you said

it was better to have than no no it's better than needed than to have or something no i'm better than wanting to have and it was funny that i was in love with this girl for four fucking years i love her like i was infatuated i go home at night throw black sabotage the real to figure out how to get this bitch off my mind i play sabotage backwards this shit megal mania oh fucking i was in love with this bitch but i knew i wanted to eat her pussy like i knew something was going to happen and here i had her in the car eating her monkey were you an ass eater joey not at that age no at that age i wouldn't even i was eating ass in about 85 no i wasn't eating your ass way back in the day so i started eating ass like an 8080 my cocaine days yeah that's when you gotta eat ass because your

dick don't work yeah you gotta eat that ass you gotta eat ass listen it's your podcast i'd never tell you anything but the the story you were telling before the show about uh drinking uh coffee late night oh please i was loving it it was just like you did so much cocaine that you would drink coffee it don't work i told people for years coffee don't work on me these people would drink coffee oh my god i don't know what the fuck you're talking about 10 years if i shot this movie called the mezzos and i and i snorted coke all night friday night thursday night and that was saturday we were shooting in pasadena and i remember the guy goes drink two red bulls i drank two red bulls and fell right to sleep right after i felt like when i go back to a hotel room after i

do comedy whether it's thursday friday or saturday i drink a cup of coffee at night like like we're talking like 12 30 12 30 i smoke a joint i decompress i take a hit off the e-cigarette i make a few notes about my set i feel like i make a few notes about tomorrow go nine deep in the email pretty much once i pretty much once that cup of coffee is finished 15 minutes later i go to bed unbelievable and sometimes it affects me in my dreams like while i'm sleeping i'll pop up like a fucking momma but uh no it doesn't i had a fighting dream last night i literally a straight up fighting dream and my girlfriend had to fuck because i was waiting who's your fight who are you fighting i don't even can't even remember i know i was straight up fighting she's like whoa whoa whoa you almost hit me dude

i'm i've been in a lot of fight mode lately dude but you want to fight i might be do you know jason ellis's have you ever heard jason ellis i might be i don't know if i'm i gotta find out tomorrow if i'm doing is ellis mania in vegas in the week and a half where i'm supposed to do fight for one minute in box for one minute and i haven't heard because he's like i want you to dress up i'm like i ain't wearing costumes dog i love you to death by ain't wearing costumes but he's i've always wanted to do the walk in to the ring dude that's i've always dreamed of rocking a little run the jewels man i want to run the jewels i want it's called close your eyes and count the fuck it's this song i want to walk out and i want box for one minute who do they put you up against just a

bunch of fucking five foot four mexicans i said i'm with and then you do comedy no no comedy just boxing it's a night of he's dude this guy jason ellis you should have him on your podcast you guys wouldn't fucking love each other dude he's just he's gonna fight 10 dudes a new round each round he fights another guy he's just crazy he's fucking crazy how many minutes each round i think it's i dude it's gotta be two or three i'm going one minute and i'm just gonna be and he's doing 10 guys yeah he's crazy alice mania yeah one of the 10 guys anybody no dude there were some real dudes man one is my boy kid cope who was on my tv show back in the day a couple other mixed martial arts guys and it's straight boxing he he wants to fight cm punk in the ufc this guy because he is a

legit fighter i mean like he's been training it's gotta be eight nine years now i've known forever he's taking jiu-jitsu tie boxing he's a good guy man he's this crazy australian dude you guys would get along great he used to party fucking hard dude back in the day coke all that shit you should go for around joey fight a little mexican dude are you doing jiu-jitsu yo yeah i've been doing how's it going i love it i love him going tomorrow 11 o'clock i've been taking tie boxing can't get there enough but decide i gotta because i'm i'm dude i don't have a nine to five job dog i have a fucking 24 seven job nobody understands nobody everyone's like oh you don't have a day job i'm like i do i have a day and night and fucking way need when you have an hour i'd not call it whenever

i have an hour whenever i catch myself i'm going i could be doing something yeah i call that my witness coming through i've laid in my bag going oh winnie comings wouldn't be laying right now i gotta go out there and fucking write something i wrote on three tv projects yesterday come on yeah yesterday i met with one writer for this one idea we're doing that with another writer for another idea to that i had to write this pitch that i got tomorrow for this other internet series thingy that i i'm kind of excited about but it's like dude that's all i do that's why i got the new hairdo yeah i got the new hair i just liked it man i just chopped it oh thank you you're very nice dog we're completely different at the frankie valley look i'm trying to drop a little weight man i'm giving it all in

here i got the tits and gut i got the gun right i already got your dog i had to go do 80 r for a movie today but i must have done this movie like a year ago jesus christ every time you do 80 r you gotta face the man the mirror you're like jesus what has become of me because i don't look at myself in the mirror i don't i just move as i go i just put gel in my hand do it and sometimes it works but when you have to look at yourself a long period of time that's scary dog you're like oh shit i thought i looked good in that shirt pictures are the worst oh no this is a movie we have a video i'm sitting there watching this going wide on my watch and this shit and i had 80 r like four fucking scenes and it was like i got fatter in every fucking scene oh man

it really is amazing guys what the and you sit there and go that's it and they show the picture me with shorts i'm like that's it stick a fork in that's it i'm never wearing shorts and fucking public again what was i thinking i'm like i feel like that fat chick that you see at walmart with celluloid and shit hanging out like a tampon string and shit and you're like why is she wearing shorts there was a lady in hollywood on the summer why i used to live that would always wear britney speeders shirts with his guts sticking out saw that yesterday did his chick just and you want to go up to him to say them can i talk to him private for a second why do you have that shirt on you know how bad you look do you have any fucking idea i'm not telling you that this would be an asshole i'm

trying to help you out because people are driving right now so i'm looking at that dumb fuck and if not they're taking pictures of you and putting it all over their twitter instagram and all over their instagram to put a nice fucking shirt on you're not fucking britney speeders this ain't fucking holly this ain't fucking vegas motherfucker my uh my buddy just passed the way i had to go back to vegas for his funeral he's a really cool cat uh just was in a lot of pain i think he had he had a drinking problem you know not to be disrespectful man but dude show up dudes are at the funeral in jean shorts man and fucking like tap out shirts and i'm like dude you don't show up to dude i i might be old school but there's three times you fucking dress up job interview funeral's

weddings she'd you court yeah court fourth one is court you ever go to court everyone's in fucking fooboo and shit no you gotta go you gotta go you gotta go dress i got an ounce i dude i was i was like i am 13 and 3 in traffic court most of it it's because boom i i wear a nice little suit and i cross-examined police officers and shit i've got off dude i i i did i was trying to make a move on this chick we were in sunset and the traffic wasn't going so i'm gonna make a move on this girl i undo my seatbelt i go in the kisser upbox captain cock blocker with his with his uh uh just with a like a light his flashlight walks up to the car that's how slow traffic is hey pull over i'm writing you a ticket for nine i'm like we're not moving it's like doesn't matter

so i go to the court and dude i'll yell motions i'll try to get motions to miss motion for continuance motion for and they're like deny deny deny deny because i'll just listen to the guys who are dumb enough to bring a lawyer to traffic court you don't need a lawyer for traffic court you don't it's either the guy show up or not or you have a case and then you can argue with yourself so i go there i'm motion motion nothing so she goes tell us what happened i started telling i start cross-examining the cop and i'm zinging this dude man i'm but and you can hear the crowd going what's going on he's he's got and the judge is like okay enough just tell me your point and i go we're in the slow trap it's not moving it's dead sunset sunset traffic nobody's moving

i'm with this chick first date i take my seal i go make a move i'm only trying to make a move we're not moving he walks up to it she asks him is that is that true he goes i don't know what's going on in the car she goes she starts quoting shakespeare and love and she's like case dismissed not guilty case dismissed the whole court just explodes dude someone finally beat these cops man and i'm walking out people are high-fiving me as i walk out of the court dude i fucking cross exam this dude and one look at the shape of you lisa you're high again cocksucker i am it's a good feeling when you go to court and fuck people up don't you oh i'm win dude but now they're telling the cops always show up because they need that cash so they're always showing up now if you have a

good attorney it's good to have on traffic work though yeah while living in jersey had a fucking monster dog he was a psychological monster he would just play with you i had his shit even if the judge even if the cop showed up he still fucked the cop he would keep you outside he would keep you outside he wouldn't say you were a attorney or nothing he was sitting in the courtroom went from to call lisa at lisa at one more time lisa at he would wait for the cop to leave and shit and then he would go your attorney lisa at was here the whole time he didn't hear you call him i called him eight times we're right here you're turning right here what are you talking about oh where's the cop i don't know he left oh dismiss fucking tremendous old school don't

leave me hanging oh shit dog i would never leave you hanging down for you i didn't know that dude but bad i'm all in the joey dude no you have to and like um heather mcdonald's my sister was a big time dui attorney in town and she had rules like just rules that you knew if you get pulled over don't do this don't give me your blood don't admit anything right don't admit nothing leave you're fucked don't say nothing cops aren't your friends i i i i joined the his game yeah i'm starting no you don't know nothing about nothing you didn't admit to anything you don't know i don't give a fuck what they tell you that i cast this comment with a mule i don't give a fuck remember i had to ask you we were driving home from long beach and cops stopped like

one row in front of us for like 15 minutes and i had to get a video of you smoking on the way down to long beach and i got paranoid and deleted the video because i thought the cops were gonna come that's how i thought they were gonna come and check my phone you don't give nothing dude i get i get armo lawyers dude if you can't you know i uh i do this armenian benefit every year for uh i had a cousin who had bone marrow cancer and you know she ended up being in herself but her mother's my cousin michelle an incredibly smart woman realized that there's no uh registry for armenians because we're genetic hillbillies you know because we don't get along with any armenia doesn't get along with they you know we're christians everyone around us are muslims so there's a lot hillbilly

shit going on if you understand it which made our genetic makeup a little fucking you know redneck you know so it's like very hard to find matches so they started this thing well i for like 12 years now i've been doing this big event we've raised shit loads of cash you know so i get in some trouble they get but i get busted buying some fucking drugs from somewhere where i shouldn't you know shit's going bad dude i i call in who do i call who's on the board garagos dude straight up garagos and i call him up he's like samuel i i know who you are you help us with our benefit how can i help you and i just told him it's like boom he just sends assassins dude and they were so badass the cop would bust me was crooked he was crooked and they were asking for all his files and they sent down

the fucking the union chief they're like dude nope we're suppressing all that and we're uh dismissing the case and boom who walks out my armenian jumpsuit dog fucking like a champion like a doctor of shit it's a good feeling when you beat him up dude because i was shitting bricks because i didn't want to get a felony because i can't transfer that's why you always gotta get an attorney and people don't get it because they don't fucking rape your attorney can just twist a couple buttons maybe you know somebody downtown maybe she went to school with paula and fucking usc we got it in yeah have you been watching better call so do you see the first episode no it's not bad i watched the first two i want to go out for me by the way the first one was slow but the second one was

pretty good i was really i was really thinking it was gonna suck before it came out but i was happy with it oh there was all those rumors that it wasn't i just thought it was gonna be a comedy and i just didn't understand it but it's the same guy it's Vince Gilligan so it's kind of creepy and cool oh because of what's his face was the lead you thought it was gonna be a comedy yeah i just thought it was gonna be like a funny look at it i think that's how they're first marketing but i was pretty happy with it no i didn't know we'll see man we'll see they got there it's always interesting when they pick some up they didn't correct they did it the right way they didn't fuck around you know joey spun off 18 years later these motherfuckers spun off the season later

they didn't turn and burn that's how to do it that's how you can bring those characters every character in the old show that everyone loves you can bring them back in this show and whoever hasn't died right well no no no because it's pre it's pre breaking yeah it's before so everyone everyone's there but uh it's kind of like what you were talking about bob odin Kirk is pretty well known but he just went in there for like a smaller role and just killed it and killed it until they had to spin off a show you guys could do the same thing when you're saying you don't have agents to help you or like when you shot the longest yard thing with like a used hot football helmet if you kill it so much then they have no choice what's weird about tv now is like one person can have

eight shows i've never seen that before back in the day you had one show now it's like you see people on like four shows and i'm like wow when i got here the one black guy from marliss was on two shows that's the first time i had ever seen that i've never seen that shit ever he was on two shows he was on the abc and the guy's back he's on the show on uh nick and knight of the kids show with the black chick tremendous you never disappear like dog shit you just take a stay in the mix dog that's it if you're good you just stay in the fucking mix don't shoot yourself it was a great listen breaking bad was a great show you know and uh i knew something they just did everything right amc you got to applaud amc they're doing some good shows and they do it right they know what's

working you know rick and ellison time oh he's back he's leaving tomorrow now he came to do what we're doing for iron dragon he's going to do for roku oh he's going to do the recommendations for horror films oh cool so he came in like we called last night he says he might go to the store later you know same shit i'm gonna call him when we get the fuck out of here you know we do it talk okay let me get some shout outs real quick you got people all excited it's a fucking tuesday night can i do can i also talk about my uh valentine's day show after absolutely ethan buzzard scottie chandell jeff tellerman goose chris boys current michael matt baltazar gene smith and joe pritzman you got the fucking thing of the day you put a coke rock with some chicks asshole which i always

fucking love you love it love to do coke out chicks assholes have you ever done that lee nope would you ever do it oh are you now a coke guy i've never tried it i won't i've actually seen it a couple times where'd you see it uh my friend's house that i used to work on on tv showers you never did a little bump with it he did a little you like going fast you like going slow i'm a fast guy i'd probably say slow to be honest i'm more of a weed guy than alcohol all right i'm a fast guy so that's why i used to love that shit but now it's gotten so bad and i like they keep chopping it up i'm just doing chalk at this point jesus it's early on i'm sober early on lee we were talking about corruption you know and if you've like i'm like i don't react to it no more react to what

like when i hear stupid shit on the news like if i'm watching cnn and the governor or this or that i don't react to it anymore like for example like what i know exactly what al sharpton does he's an insider right until somebody says what do we need for you to stop yelling tripling 500 thousand they give the 500 thousand he goes away you know i know exactly what the characters do what their purpose is when you see them pop up you see you know what the purpose is right i came from jersey i seen bad politics for two years every time christy did a fucking thing he talked about that guy saco yeah now he's getting indicted by the feds they're looking at him defense right you know it's funny how he had this big thing about he was gonna do this and he was gonna do that

but he wouldn't run for president there's a reason why because it's a fucking they got you now with the internet you can't do a fucking thing and to be governor in new jersey you had to do something it's like donald trump everybody said oh donald trump donald trump could do a lot politically but he can't because he did a lot of shady shit right that that shit comes up he did a lot of shady shit it's crazy that people look at donald trump and go oh my god donald trump put out people's lives he killed people no but years ago in new york with all the with all the fucking bullshit with all the construction in the in the late 80s and stuff he was shutting people's lights out man he would uh subcontract work to guys that would run up you know buy material from them not pay the

bill so these little mom and pop hardware stores went out of fucking business there's a thousand trump stories if you read the sammi the bugger vinyl book he does a whole chapter in there about construction in new york how construction in new york worked in the 80s and 90s and how they were doing it and one of the stories he tells he goes he breaks down how the whole thing works and he goes okay let's just pretend trump but i'm not saying trump who he was talking about was trump you know who he was talking about in that book was fucking trump you know trump runs for fucking president you don't think sammi the bull being that so jumping up and fucking down screaming oh he just loves the attention i got stories you know they gotta let him out they gotta let him out

when two years a year they're gonna let sammi the bull out that's it he did his time yeah he did his time so we were talking earlier about the the mom like are you worried that he's gonna go back and start doing stuff again or is he just so old oh yeah i'm worried that he's gonna give a fuck he's not gonna be 60 years old he's not gonna why worry i don't give a fuck about none of that shit is he gonna go out who gives a fuck you know they put him in there he's got no fucking hair left you know he's he's standing next to cosby standing next to fucking uh sugar night standing next to the u.s.c. karmus served this fucking thing he did so many steroids he got that disease where you just shake not the Parkinson's no something else multiple sclerosis something else that he lost all his

teeth he lost all his fucking hair oh no you know you don't just kill 20 people and get away with it you know when he killed for fucking money i mean he would do some horrific things but he didn't the people didn't pay attention he would partner up with you and once the company became a millionaire he'd shoot you and he buried and he'd go out and i saw him last night what do you mean he didn't come oh my god we were eating bagels last night for dinner you know he was cold blood he shot his own fucking brother-in-law unbelievable he shot his own brother-in-law with a hand the dog came into the living room with the kids hand oh no because they dug him up a few yards away the the family dog came in with the kids hand into the living room when they buried them they

buried the hand and shit the dog found because they're the fucking brother-in-law but what are you gonna do you know i had those people around me growing up whenever the evil evil ones got close to me i felt them i just fucking disappeared i was very lucky lisa i was very fucking lucky i knew who those jerks were but i never really i don't know like i said i just didn't understand making 50 000 dollars and i had to give you 25 000 to be in your club right do you ever wish that because we talked about a little bit a couple weeks ago do you ever wish that either uh not not theaters but like bar room shows were easier to do like it'd be there it would be a better way to do it because how much how some comedy clubs won't book you or how they don't want

to pay they don't they want to say no one's gonna send me the bolt to comedy clubs because you could make because you're giving them like so much of the money and you could just go to a bar and just sell your own show but there's issues with bar shows you said and theaters you have to rent it out and all that stuff i just didn't understand the bridge over river quiet at cocksucker i didn't get it i didn't even know what the fuck you're saying because you threw me off here okay i didn't know where you're coming from we talked about that eight shows ago well last show i don't know what's up with you sammy what's his valentine's show you valentine's day har vells two shows naughty show at this awesome jazz club in long beach super excited saturday night saturday night all right

look at your valentine's day like a grown ass what's har vells that's shawn the eyes room that i'm not sure i know it's uh deep or that runs it yeah you're doing the room tonight i'm running over there after this then i'm going on there's this uh this week i'm gonna do the host is shawn the eye he's got the one eye the glass eye oh yeah yeah yeah shawn the eye shawn the eye shawn the eye he's got the he's got the one eye he's got one eye on you at all times he's got he used to be a fucking he used to be a bartender i met shawn when he was a bartender in arizona at a fucking regular bar like 10 years before comedy whatever the fuck it was you know and now he's running a room in long beach that's a nice room it's great dude you have a nice time on there

i always have fun and what's tonight night's that weekly show yeah and then saturday you're doing two shows you're doing two shows one and nine one eleven what's its seat down there i think you pack like anywhere from 150 200 250 standing and long beach is fucking sharp and they get it oh yeah this area is nice long beaches really come a long way and they buy tickets to shows not like these fucks in la who want to fucking get on the can i get on the guest list it's like five dollars the show pay five bucks help the talent make a little cash remember brother the guest list is something for people to say they're on the guest list it's not about the five dollars i said they get the call somebody say harry i'm contrast my friend sam put me on the guest list you're on the guest list oh

my god how'd you get on the guest list now i got you and they get all fucking there's no guest list who gives a fuck about a guest list i like when they hit me up is there a code the code is fucking suck my dick that's the code if it fits in the box get ahead you do what you do there's no code there's nothing it's a toy to get in we i'm gonna tell you i don't fucking make the rule i love it it's not my fucking club everybody's always like oh you know what's a code i want to get on the guest list well nothing bothers me more than people thinks they think that something really is out there like they really think something is out there like oh my god i went to vegas and i sat in this vip section you're sitting there going what did you accomplish what the fuck happened

did some chicks suck your your fucking meat stick but what happened now we just talk to people who gives a fuck you want to talk to people you want to chit chat room in your house and talk to people your pajamas on and shit i'm linkedin yeah i'm linkedin that's shit people trying to be my friend on that shit i don't want to be nobody's fucking friend i'm nothing people hit me on that new thing linkedin to confuse me and shit it's a professional network for professionals all these out of work writers and actors and shit i want to be your friend on linkedin the e-race i just get rid of everybody i don't even know what linkedin is i don't even know how i became i get asked all the time i never joined i never joined nothing it's like those facebook groups when they looked down i was

part of 18 organizations how the fuck did this happen nobody asked me one fucking time i totally agree nobody asked me one thing do you want to be a part of talk suckers anonymous how to go through all them and erase myself some kid hit me up three days like why'd you get out of the group why because maybe i don't want to fucking hang out with you you know you want to hang i'm gonna hang out with you now on facebook too it's bad enough i see at the why staring like a fucking momo looking around at fucking ugly tricks and shit momos there's a guy at the why where i go there's a porno guy an ex porno guy's the creepiest guy in the world he's about 60 and he wears a cut off t-shirt which always drives me fucking i hate that shit if you got big arms put the fucking to

take the sleeves off yeah but if you don't have big arms put them the fuck back on will you please i'm gonna walk around like you know somebody i go to this coffee shop there's a dude i know he does porn because i i used to watch a lot porn don't really do it anymore but you used to watch a lot of it you don't watch it no more no dude i'm just i i'm over it but this guy i would always see him in the fucking bukkake it was like eight eight like 20 dudes one one chick like jerking off on their faces and i was like where do i see that guy like oh damn that's the bukkake guy you're a big bukkake guy doing i don't know bukkake is i thought it was like a cookie or something like that fucking bukkake what the fuck do i know bukkake we learn something every week dog

i don't know about porn you guys know all about i'm over i'm fucking embarrassed you're not over i'm over you're still addicted who the fuck are you kidding you whack off all that shit you people this fucking guy too works off watching porn that's great he watches mexican porn and shit mexican porn is good because they just kill him at the end that's the way the wall should be they just shoot him for reals and shit they shoot like the gun they show the gun they show like an eye and they show like a body with fucking the blood splatter and that's unbelievable that's a fan that's how you want to come see like seeing your girl get shot what come i come in a minute i don't give a fuck who gets shot so you just you just sit there and watch the rest of the video

no i've never seen it i just heard that mexican porn they always shoot the fucking woman at the end that's in real mexico not this shit that you people watching them real mexican porn they shoot the bitch at the end well it's all snuff huh for real they shoot yeah fuck the bitch it's done they shot a lot of pussy i even know it's fucking snuff shit that's uncomfortable do they really make a lot of snuff films that's i don't know but you've never seen the stuff no i don't want to see those oh my god she fucked and murdered that's my favorite what's your favorite one shoot me in the pussy when you're finished that's putting down snatch oh my god that's disgusting yeah right it's very i watch the miami vices on

every morning at six and seven on the l-ray station and five i think it starts from five to eight so sometimes i gotta wait in the mornings i'm like i don't want to fucking go on the computer let me just sit here i'm right with a a free hand and i put miami vice on that was a real interesting one the other day about an artist who had one he in fact the chick was jesus christ today's miami vice had chris cooper and the chick from pretty woman in the same fucking episode wow what's her name julie robert same fucking episode chris cooper same fucking he plays a dirty cop julie robert plays the fucking kingpin's girlfriend the one i'm talking about which was the one i'm talking about oh the one i'm talking about kelly lynch plays the model hotter than

fuck 20 year old kelly lynch taller than fuck she plays the model oh shit al Pacino's girlfriend in carlito's way plays the sister and the dude from csi miami plays the artist like the half a unbelievable and they fucking make a snuff film and then they have to prove that the chick is still alive so they get kelly lynch to play the chick but the chick's sister shows up and baffles the whole fucking police investigation and says the sister hasn't been home in fucking weeks i can't wait till tv guide could just be that i could click on it i could watch that 30 second video if you're describing the show rather than just the the text keep it coming cut suckers ain't no dream no more it's coming together you know i'm saying that's how we make things happen

at the fucking church or what's happening now what else you got going how many weeks you're on the road you're going out you're staying in uh i'm not out as much as i want i was cooking with gas but this last like month and a half's been a little slow but i'm i got a couple offers coming in so we'll see what happens and you got the punch drunk love doing punch drunk with arish you fear loving that and what's the other one you got well i do the naughty show but i'm just kind of feeling it out what i want to do i did this i used to do the one that you came on but it just vicki wanted to do her own thing and garret got really busy so we just kind of said we'll take a break and just hustling but trying to sell sponsorship shit getting sponsorship for

live shows that's what i'm good at and just trying to stay above water pitching shows trying to be fucking joey ds i'm not pitching those shows dog i'm at home minding my business i don't give a fuck look at this poor guy this fucking cuban kid that's the part so yeah you know today but you know i put that video up imma junkie when we had him on and we were talking about what went wrong i don't know so what happened i use the does your podcast whenever you talk with that with the mma guy doesn't go i see it on mma junkie what happens to you they listen or do you say hey we had blah blah blah we had the host on we had the host on so somebody cut made a youtube clip and put it on about what's going on with mma and all this stuff and then you know today there's but it's

funny i was talking to a friend of mine this morning before anything i told a friend of mine this morning and he asked me if there was a fight this weekend and i said yeah i think benson benson henderson is fighting that kid scratch scratch whatever's yeah i can't say the name well there's there's a bell to her fight do you watch that no no i'm talking about uoc and he goes you know when i watch it but he goes i'm not really feeling it no more he was it's funny as a kid at work that said that city's done with the pay-per-views for a while that this last one it always seems when you buy the pay-per-views it's a bad fight or not internet and then he goes my other buddy's kind of you know i know son i i when i left this morning at six in the morning there was already chit chatter

from aria hawani and hecht of lombard hecht of lombard so he woke up to a text from aria hawani telling him his fight was off he got fucking he didn't find out like from the uoc he found that online that his fight was off he didn't know he woke up didn't know what if rory mcdonald and then i left when i came back in the afternoon that's when i seen all the positive reports that he had come back positive unbelievable and this is the last thing they fucking need now when was the rory fight anyway i don't know i don't know i can look but i think it wasn't going to be in may maybe no april um but it's what we were talking about it's how did uh anderson silva still get to fight oh because and then well this and this guy got the fight cancelled well this the test came

back but it even took a long time it was january fucking third it's where they sent in these tests to i told you when i was in a fucking halfway house the test came back if you tested monday afternoon that test was motherfucking back wednesday everyone was jack turn and burn don't know by wednesday morning of you and that's and then they test them as soon as the flags positive they already send the fucking email they call just to let you know tell that motherfucker to sit tight it tested positive then they tested twice they break the piss in half they test it again and you get the result two with fucking three days later that's what i remember in 1988 and 89 i was taking pitas i think they've moved forward correct everything in life has moved forward

we now have a phone with a fucking camera on it walkie talkies and calendars and i could tell what the fuck you are and well dude man it just and this would be the second pay-per-view in a row that they let that happen they let john jones fight when they know he tested positive for cocaine oh not cocaine but whatever you do to digest okay yeah yeah yeah doesn't matter cocaine yeah yeah what is that fight i'm uh i'm trying to find which fight he's in the next one because he he tested positive 286 okay uh 186 is april 25th oh yeah yeah in montreal where robert mcdonald's from that sucks yeah that does suck man who's gonna fight maybe they'll put ds in there no don't put uh don't put uh there's just a couple people who could go in that tyron woolley could go in there

he just fought two weeks ago against kevin gaston with a couple people going there they got plenty of time for that yeah what's the what's the name of the dude who fought nick ds and like was evading him like the first dude to do carlos conduit is that the same way carlos conduit is he needs a fight and they want to match up they want he's looking for a fight and you know what he beat him before yeah that's it that's the fight lisa i called it boom that'd be fun mma psychic because carlos was on two days ago you need to get really high carlos was on two days ago saying he was looking for a fucking fight or whatnot so there you have it listen it's just it's just one of those things that the knocks keep coming they thought that last year was bad this year is opening up not good that

car that car and that's the thing i was saying since day one it's the law of fucking diminishing returns it got it moved too fast too quickly a little too quickly and people couldn't catch up you know they confuse some people you don't know the fights on fox one fox you know facebook just put it on one fucking thing yeah just put on one fucking thing apex you know where it's coming from and dude there's no off season that's the big problem like the nfl this is our first week off and it's you're like oh you're like you're starting to jones for it again you don't get that with the ufc ufc is every month all the time at least sometimes every week they had they had some some weeks where they had two fights two fights going on at the same time in different countries

like one was fight pass and one was they gotta build a yeah they gotta say you're gonna you're gonna have these fighters like these certain fighters have the either they're only for pay-per-views or the or they're on fox the you know the uh the actual network but you know it's like don't be sending like uh michael biz being to do a fight in china you know you know i want to see him fight on a card on a real card he's a good fight i don't even fight in china watching money internet it's not fucking way you gotta you know you know work smart but it's like money money money money money money money you can't do like that dude gotta pick and choose because you can't have just the problem is when you only have one good fight on that card and that fight goes down you're fucked

that's why they have to have anderson silva fight when he when he's popped or john jones fight when he's popped because the rest of the card isn't strong enough to still get you to buy that card i was just thinking about it i've never had a good time when i bought the card i was thinking about it because you're probably thinking is this worth the worst worth the 60 bucks i've had good times at friends places where i threw in 20 or when i went to go get like wings or something to watch it but i was just thinking when i when i bought the thing on my my cable i never had a good time they want to throw up and i'm a huge u of c fan so dano white class nothing but the nicest everybody's very nice you just sit here and go who's making these decisions to spread yourself

out that dead the who's there watching this register if you're having a fight in las vegas who's in china watching the fucking register you know i want somebody there one of the fatigues or me there right around me what the fuck yeah you were jewish somebody's gotta be there yeah my fucking counting the numbers like the greeks that was bring their mothers because the mothers are the only people they fucking trust they don't even trust a fucking wife or my point being that it's just too much and you're right it's just they don't have enough pay-per-view fighters you have to have two or three great two great fights and one fight that you're like huh that's fucking interesting i know him and i know him and i don't know much about the sport but i know he's a what's that

shit type people do oh they fight oh and he's a jujitsu guy so they'll maybe they'll knock them to the floor people know that people can educate remember fox is to educate people yeah fox is supposed to be educating people people who wouldn't get to get a pay-per-view nine out of ten fucking times you know that's a fox's floor they have to they have to market fighters they have to market them like this kind of mcgregor thing is obviously a manna from heaven i mean his personality people want to watch him fight but you know it's like there's other guys that you just got to let people know about them and get interested in them the hype machine has the hype some of these guys so i know who the fuck they are listen if i paid somebody 50 million dollars

can i hype sam trippley right now with all the hype what did the hype do for you you've been in this town 15 fucking years yeah yeah how many people do we know that paid five thousand dollars hype doesn't do nothing okay it's everything has to me that wants everything has to me that wants we all know kind of mcgregor is great you know what after that fight against daniel poirier give me fucking what people want give him the winner of whatever uh frankie hoséa aldo i'll don't know we get deniseva you're trying to catch him up in the jujitsu world and i get it but don't throw it in my face this is all i said last week you know what you me and lea comics we all get a deal in montreal we're all having a good time you know deals whatever maybe you get

a half a mil maybe i get 300 000 maybe lea gets 100 000 how would you feel if you woke up and you saw the president of fox and lea and vegas waving out the fucking thing you know yeah you know i'm saying so you have disgruntled people i don't like when there's disgruntle what's good for lea is good for fucking sam trippley i get you in an organization so how can kind of mcgregor go up in front of chad mendez and go look at me i'm staying at the fratita hotel in the penthouse when you're staying in the fighter hotel right there what's frankie agar thinking what's hoséa aldo thinking i stay at the mgm when i fight they put you at the fratita hotel another picture i saw him drinking a coconut with daniel white i've never seen you know frankie agar drinking a coconut or

hoséa aldo drinking a fucking coconut you know the way he they let him talk to people and i'm a fucking condom and gregor fan he's a fucking fighter he's a great fighter but i just thought it should have been handled differently you know it all started a lot with the chao sunning thing when he was talking to people like that in brazil yeah you know hey man two people do it out of fucking 80 they're the killers what does that tell you if i went around all day going you know oh sam trippley has to follow me tonight fuck that bitch now what do you think about tonight joey fuck sam trippley and fuck the rest of the show my goal is to go in there and fuck them up and so they can't fuck what the fuck are you talking about listen sam is great i'm a great fighter we'll

see it whatever hype what do you want to hype huh like i said they've been hyping sarah silman since we got to this time they've been pushing sarah silman over the fucking board this is we got to this time she got five million twitter followers gabriel sells more tickets than fucking sarah silman i'm not putting down sarah silman do you understand what i'm trying to fucking say to you so for 20 for 15 years they've had this machine behind sarah silman yeah and this fat little mexican dude is selling more tickets than anybody else in the fucking world and the world and a fucking hindu do you know how much push does does the hindu get and a black dude how much push does the hindu get how much push does the hindu get how many commercials have you seen for rustle

unbelievable right so it's all word and mouth it's like arrow smith in 75 there was no twitter i'm back in the saddle there was no twitter you gotta fucking rock it out there was no twitter so if you're good people gonna react to you if you have something that's attainable people gonna react to you you know i love how many people have we moved here how many comics have you seen that zapped you right up and we're gonna be superstars they're gone brother they're gone they just it's just is it luck no it's how you handle yourself yeah shoot your load maybe you stuck your finger up her ass first you kissed her neck you lasted when i was looking in the mirror last but i know i'm in LA 18 years i'm blown the fuck away i'm not the best comic i'm not

even a great comic i'm a mediocre fucking comic i just lasted here 18 years where everybody came went no at least sucks it's a faggots okay it's for faggots i'm gonna make a living yeah i'm gonna make a living here i'm a faggot watch me and i bet all these other people are fucking faggots you can't push what you that's what people understand you can't there's no really hype machine the hype is you in that ring or you over the stage you're right but they're trying to make the hype machine with like c.m punk i was gonna i was gonna ask john lewis but i didn't want to we had we're having such a cool conversation it just if i tell you guys something would you be mad at me no no i don't even know who c.m. punk is he's a wrestler who's using it from i don't know where he's from wwe

what we have from that from wwe apparently he was really good and they fucked him and he left and i'm sure he's a great athlete but they shows just how much about money it is because otherwise why not put him in bellator or king of the cage or one of the other small ones and just give him like a deal or something because why have him right up there dana wants that that brock lesnar a publicity that black lesnar was the last of the guys who could sell a million pay per views nobody else can do that i think erinston silva mighty gsp gsp those three guys no it was somebody oh uh what's tito no no the other fucking god you know what jail jail was killed for a while tito did it too jail did it too through hype i'll never forget you guys want to see something

interesting at home find the find the king velasquez brock lesnar fight when brock lesnar loses watch the end when dana white puts the belt around king velasquez watch his face just not excited it's not excited though oh that's the whole thing about you don't need to even be a psychic to know what dana is thinking i put so much money into this big fucking lurchy fuck for him to get beat by a fucking little mexican what the fuck is the world coming to you can see it you can see it i put millions into this lurchy fuck for him not to get punched in the face of him to go down like this why do you think ronda fights so infrequently i mean if there was one point in which ronda who was a great fighter had more movie roles than fights in the ufc because she's such a cash cow

that he he doesn't want he doesn't you think he wants cyborg to come in there i think he'll put as much makeup on that chick as they want you know and i like i like thick chicks but it's like you can put as much makeup as you want it's ronda is a cash cow he doesn't want her to lose he loses ronda rousey it's like it's gonna be hemorrhaging the bad situation lee look at the fucking shapey yeah speaking of ronda rousey she looks tremendous on that sports yeah i love her i'd knock the bottom out of that i saw it yeah i don't i didn't know what with her and then there's this fat model or something in there pissed me off i don't understand well there's porn now the only time i ever got excited about the sports illustrated swim suit edition was when i was 12 it's symbolic that's why

it's traditional it's symbolic but the fact that they put this fat chick in a bikini it's like if i want fat chicks in bikini i'll go on match.com i don't need to see this you know just like it's it's it's cute no i do i bang more fat chicks than anybody but it's like this is meant for like it's like i like playing basketball because i want to play in the NBA doesn't mean i should be in the NBA i can't dunk i can't fucking shoot i love basketball but if you put me in in the NBA it's going to ruin that product you know what i'm saying it's like sports illustrated whether you like it or not it's still a competition for who's who's the hash chick in a bikini either a thick chick is k uptin she's a thick chick but that's hot and sexy

in the big chick from salt and pepper in the bikini that bitch will bang your world i do all that jelly ass and shit bouncing stop it women don't even want to see fat chicks yeah but a big woman in a fat chick is something different like there's something about a big woman that's always like uh amontempo the chick who books the improv that's a big motherfucking chick when she first came on the scene that was a sexy motherfucking amontempo she only had the one kid that and she was recently married you know what i'm talking about yeah amontempo rocky mother fucking world she had some big ass teddies and a great smile that's a big woman i'm not saying she should be in sports it was about like to see her in a fucking bikini i do too much there's some

women that are just big and sexy i'm not talking about i like viking pussy bro i don't want a chick that looks like me with rolls on the bikini that's something totally fucking different and that chick is attractive but is that sports illustrated no no no no no she's attractive i see where you're getting i'm coming from somewhere else i see where you're coming from it's a product and you can't just because you want to play football no no but there was something about and i know that we dig deep you and i take a ride to ireland we'll see one of those six foot one one sixty five is dude you'll look at them you'll look at them and go oh my god that woman's fucking beautiful look at that face on first of all the prettiest faces god has put on women are on those vikings

so gods have to scratch their head guys are like what the fuck do i fuck what do i do that let us throw out me out the window they're fucking beautiful let's get the fuck out of here at least say that i want to give a shout out to my people over it on it what do you call it optimization optimization that's the fucking word optimization you want the best that you could be that's what alpha brain does that's a shrewd take does that's a fucking the the the the the team whatever coconut all does the testosterone that they have the mct or they don't fuck around they want you to be the best you can be go to on it right now right now don't fuck around look at the minerals look at the vitamins they have go to the box check out something pressing the box what church church ch you are ch

and get 10 off and they also have to stay on a program it gets delivered right to your house on the motherfucking monthly on the first of the month stop fucking around iron dragon tv you're sitting there going joey friday night i don't have no plans saturday i'm gonna take the wife of valentine's day i might take her to sam's show i'm gonna get my dick sucked in between shows i'm gonna take it to a nice benihana but friday i want to save money what do you got from your uncle joey go to iron dragon tv what are you putting the box joey joey you get two free classic kung fu films the man series listen there's too much to even fuck i mean shit just do me a favor go to iron dragon tv dot com do my do yourself a favor this is a whole different

thing if you like the ufc you're like people get bits left classic kung fu is for you you want to giggle from time to time because you'll see strings and shit you'll see god zilla fall from the fucking sky on the wrong set of a kung fu movie shit like that happens go to iron dragon tv right now defoli's putting some beautiful shit together they got a couple movies that are 4k technology listen go to iron dragon tv right now and press in joey boom and you tell two free fucking movies you're sitting there you're sitting there you're uncomfortable you've been sitting there sam you're sitting there uncomfortable something's not right you got to pick your underwear out from between your fucking nut sack and the and the cocoon that lives under your asshole they're

wrinkling up when you're going to take a shower you take them off and there's little speckles there's holes in your underwear but a lot of people don't even know where to start a lot of guys don't even know where to start they go to get jeans they go like fuck i forgot to get underwear you know you forget to get underwear that's over go to meondies.com right now they got underwear for men and women they look tight they're tight on you i'm going to do just tomorrow i break out my meandies why because the nut sack don't pop out of the fucking underwear on top of that if i sweat it contains it i don't have leakage going down my leg this nut this swamp ass this swamp ass makes no the material under me on these poles are away from your skin to keep everything fresh there's no

shaving i'm not scratching my ass on a plane none of that unless you want to unless i want to which is a completely different patois when you gotta scratch that finger and sniff it go to meondies.com right now look at the selection they have for men and women i'll tell you what it's a fucking bargain go to the box and press in joey 20 percent off your first order with free motherfucking delivery to canada and the u.s that's how we roll here go to me on these right now today tonight don't fuck around now if you order tonight you'll get it by valentine's day me on these.com when they press joey boom you're 20 percent off also this is the one i love the most all right so i give you on it sometimes i give you a fucking dying dragon tv tonight i give you me on these this is the best

one i can't feed because this one is absolutely free f r e e free dumb motherfucker go to naturebox.com you understand me health nutritious delicious snacks nutritionist approved stop going to that fucking vending machine and getting that oh god shit the cookies and the fucking lifesavers you don't need that shit in your life not when they got fucking nature box delivering directly to your house not one bag not two bags not three bags not four bags how many bags leave five bags five fucking bags delivered to your house for free and you're sitting there waiting for fucking the blue bird happiness he ain't coming but uncle joey's showing up with some fucking nutrition and some fucking snacks for you you understand me that's how i make it happen do me the favor out of respect go to nature

box.com get your free fucking sample pack it's fucking free there's no strings attached there's no credit card they send you three medium bags and two big bags will they press the box joey oh shit joey why boom get yourself your free fucking sample box who's better than you you got underwear you got a kung fu movie and you got pills to make you think right all right that's all you get right now don't forget i'll be a cap city thursday friday saturday and at the end of the month i'll be an indianapolis a cracker's bringing on that motherfucker it's been a long time since last i went back to indianapolis i smoked crack there with some black people that's my type of fucking city i want to thank my man sam tripple don't forget to go to his show down in long beats down there

what's the name of the club it's harvells my harvells that rames a carvel two shows nine eleven wear the tickets brown bag you go no go to harvells.com carvel.com harvells.com the fuck joey you're the best dude and if and don't be fucked i don't want to be nobody's friend on lincoln john no more i don't know nothing about professional network you want to be a professional tell fucking don colione to call me cocksuckers have a great weekend have a great week happy valentine's day mother fuckers i love you cocksuckers stay black joey we're on fire tonight now that the show's over don't forget to go to nagerbox.com and sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter

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Eat the soft and clean us out again The outlaws had a pen down at the door The outlaws had a pen down at the door Cisco came in, flashed and drank the pour Cisco came in, flashed and drank the pour You hear it? You hear it again? They brought the sunset cause was made of steel They brought the sunset cause was made of steel

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Like I am Cisco came, was a friend of mine Cisco came, was a friend of mine Cisco came, was a friend of mine Cisco came, was a friend of mine Cisco came, was a friend of mine