Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #258 - Terrie Diaz, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 19, 2015

Terrie Diaz, Joey's Wife and Mercy's Mother, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. 
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Recorded live on 02/18/2015.
 Music:
 I Want You - Marvin Gaye Delivering The Good's - Judas Priest

This show is sponsored by NatureBox. NatureBox gives great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy and delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free NatureBox sample box at naturebox.com slash joey. That's right, free NatureBox snacks are found at naturebox.com slash joey. They send you four small bags and one big bag. You get to choose between crunchy and sweet or chewy snacks. Delicious. Also, go to meundies.com slash joey and while you're there, check out the picks of all the men's and women's underwear they have. For women, they have hot looking boy shorts and men, they have a lot of different styles. They have shirts, they have socks. You're going to get 20%

off of your first order when you go to meundies.com slash joey and right now they're offering you free shipping in the United States and Canada. Go to onit.com and use code word church to get 10% off of all of their optimization products, alpha brain, new moon, strong bone, streumtack immune, streumtack sport, anything like that. Use code word church to get 10% off and go to irondragontv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a Roku channel that has all your favorite old and brand new martial arts movies. They have all the original Jackie Chan. They have they sponsor Tim Kennedy. They're going to have 4k technology soon. Go to irondragontv.com and use code word joey to get two free rentals. Are you fucking kidding me? Wednesday, February 18th. Listen to

these black motherfuckers right here. Listen to this shit right here. It's black history month. This is your fucking history right here. As good as it'll ever get for fucking black people right here. This is it. This is fucking tremendous. One of the greatest American fucking talents of our fucking time right here. And if you don't believe me, get this song on YouTube when he's rehearsing it. He's playing back hangover and he sounds just like this fucking song on his back. Listen to this shit. Hear that fucking guitar? That's a black fucking guitar. Hear that? Hear those yells? Ow! What do you think Robin Black got those fucking yells from?

English? They don't yell. Only black people here like me. Ow! The church motherfuckers. I already love it because as soon as you said like are you kidding me or what? Terry's eyes just rolled and I'm like this is gonna be a great episode. The church of what's happening now motherfuckers February 18th. The day the devil before the devil was buried in seat. Fuck him in the ass Andrew for building this. I still got the devil with the tongue out. Fuck him in the ass before building it. Fuck all this shit. Tomorrow's my 52nd birthday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. I got the flying Jew here. My beautiful wife Terry Clark here. What's happening people? Hey buddy you gave me I had one and a half edibles so far. Oh stop.

I gave the brownie. I gave the fucking brownie that was delicious. But it's huge. It was no it was delicious but it was a big come on you've seen most edibles. This thing was like a brownie you get from Starbucks all wrapped up in and oh it's fucking beautiful. That's a ran wrap. I think you don't fuck around. So I have for that and then a star so we'll see what happens. What do you think is going to happen? You're gonna see. I think I'm gonna end up at home eating Girl Scout Cookies again. Fuck yeah. No fin mint. What's happening with you? As if you weren't gonna end up at home eating Girl Scout Cookies without the brownie. What's up with you fucko? Everything all right in your world my beautiful wife. Yes fucko. How was the suit today with Mercy?

He's good. Oh my god the chimpanzees were crawling on the windows. She was losing her gorillas. What duty you bring her to? The LA Zoo. Is it fun? I've never been down here. I used to love going to this. It's a lot of fucking walking. It is a lot of walking. A lot of walking uphill. Uphill, downhill, under bridges. It's amazing. Over bridges and there's nothing there. Oh there's not that many animals. There's a lot of exhibits that are closed. Every time we go there's a fucking by the way. I'm walking around one time we went in the summer it was so fucking hot the animals didn't come out. Then another time we went in the winter it was so fucking cold. We went like on your birthday. Your birthday. Freezing and it was all uphill. You know I mean it's all fucked up.

Uphill, uphill. He got winded at the entrance of the zoo. We didn't even get to the we got to like the flamingos which are the very first exhibits. I shouldn't be laughing. I was sweating putting together the shelf. It took you an hour. You know for you people around the country. Oh my god and you did it upside down. No I don't. No I put it the right way. Okay. For you people we're freezing all over the country. My heart goes out to you. It's fucking 84 degrees here today and hot as fuck. So that's what you got. Yesterday I told you guys a couple weeks ago that we were even. That said I don't want to hear no more of these people sending emails that the church helps your life because you know I just couldn't fucking take it no more. You know I don't know if Jesus

didn't help this fucking many people. All of a sudden this fucking podcast is helping people. So I tell you guys we're even because every week for like two years I would write on the top of my daily planner my daughter's name Jackie and I finally got enough courage to fucking call. So I called on the 3rd of February and I told you guys in the podcast and she didn't call back you know. So I started thinking about it. I wasn't mad. I knew that I got a couple emails. In fact I had a lot of emails from people that had been through the same thing. But Joey Brooklyn said that she didn't talk to her dad for a long time and that he opened up the lines of communication and she was pissed off and he was persistent and he was persistent. You know I don't know if I'm persistent

to open up the lines of communication. I just want to let her know how I feel and what she has available to her. You know I have a family and I have a little baby I got a wife and that's it. After that whatever the fuck she wants to do she's going to do you know she's going to do or believe or whatever the fuck. So yesterday morning I was in the shower and I was getting my balls worked up for the day and what I had to do and I remembered that she didn't call and I had wrote this week that I was going to call back. So this time I called back because I wanted to put a little pressure on them and I called back and I was coming to Boulder for a few days. And two hours later I didn't hear from them or whatever so I started the process of contacting a private investigator

and I spoke to a private investigator for about an hour about what had happened and he said he's going to start looking and I hang up with the private investigator. I ran a bunch of ads. So what if you knew if you knew you were calling the right number what are you calling the private investigator for? I was calling the right number because I just in case they didn't call back. Okay. You know when I'm in a hotel some nights after a comedy show I'll go back and drink coffee smoke a joint and come up and look for her. Oh like on Facebook she's no way. She's a ghost so. The whole family. The whole family is a fucking ghost. So I contacted a private investigator I spoke to him for a while. He said when you're a criminal all you need is your name

and your date of birth and they'll find you but when you're a fucking civilian all they need they need is social so I don't have a social. Okay. So what they did was they I told them everything and I hung up the phone I was fine and yesterday afternoon my ex-wife called back and we spoke for about 20 minutes and you know she told me the same shit that the baby was busy well she's not baby no more. That she was busy we caught up on her family her father had died we spoke about him for a few minutes and believe it or not I told her that whatever happened 20 years ago between us I wanted to apologize for you know on the topical side you know on the top you know I don't know how I feel inside still and she said that the kid would call Jacqueline

will call in a few days. Did she say she got your first message or no? I didn't ask at that point. I didn't really ask or whatever. I'm assuming she did she didn't call out. She got it and she disregarded it you know and then it was funny I called the private investigator after we spoke to explain to him that she had called and we started laughing and he goes here's the other thing no I found her I found your ex-wife her husband and three of her kids that kid that you have with her they hit her they changed her name they even changed her first name wow that's how fucking much they had her hit. What do you think they're doing this for do you think so you can't find them or it's and it's and it's been recently since that happened because on her high school graduation

we found a picture of her at her high school graduation with the name that we know so I don't know what caused her but maybe a year after that I contacted her on Facebook and she erased her Facebook thing and after that she probably told the mother he contacted me she put the fear of God in her he's a kidnapper he's in a kidnap you whatever so that's what happened but the truth of the matter is what was always going to happen in fact yesterday when I was talking to her I realized how white she was like I realized how fucking white she was like we were talking about her father dying and I go you know how did Jackie take oh Jackie was crushed you know we might even have to send

her the therapy you know she's fucking this is what I didn't want to hear but I realized how fucking gentrified she had become you know and that's what her goal was her whole life so the last thing people like that ever wanted was me to come back when I left in 95 and I told the story a thousand times they figured that I was going to get high on drugs get arrested and just disappear maybe die or and the rest of my life in prison they never counted on this yeah they they don't want him to come back no matter how well he's done for himself how much he's cleaned up you know what's it worth it coming after you for child support for all those years yeah oh oh they every time a different show I could tell as soon as I booked a tv show I'd

prepare because I look at the date when it was going to air I remember when cold case had we got a bunch of letters from them in 2003 as soon as the longest yard came oh my god they started I mean we never even the checks were just cut in half the checks were cut in half they went into my bank account after the longest yard you know she never wanted she wanted to punish me for what I had done like it was always like a punishment term but the other punishment was me never talking to Jackie she never wanted me to tell my side of the fucking story that's not a good story did any part of you ever did like think maybe I'll go to court and get my visitation or yeah but it was it was it was it was a it was a goal without my reach I could always got visitation it would

have cost me $2,000 to get the attorney petition to court wait six weeks a fucking plane take it and go out she would have never allowed it to come out here but that wouldn't have been visitation I had visitation it was just shitty visitation five hours a week you can't be a dad I know coaches would see their kids more you know so but it's very interesting how even till today she hasn't called it was 24 hours ago you know they they're preparing her I guarantee they get her a phone with a tape recorder that's what they're doing right now so she take a tape to conversation listen man I I I have a family I have a daughter I made a mistake 25 years ago maybe not I made a mistake or maybe not and what what way you mean I went from my life I was living in Boulder I was

getting tortured by these people about being a parent I was fighting for my fucking life if I got to check for $900 I would keep 200 you ever been in that position no getting the check for 900 and having to go pay the term I mean it was just a horrible way to live and we were going nowhere in 95 her and I were not going anywhere that's the story of almost every split like that where the kids are involved my parents went through it you know it was it ugly for them for a while well we they they got divorced when I was a senior in high school so it wasn't so much of and they should have gotten divorced probably 10 years before at least you felt it oh god yeah and they said they both said afterwards oh we stayed together because of you guys and well that doesn't

like anybody feel that it's terrible it's terrible when parents are fighting um but yeah like today at this point my dad he used he used to be like kind of intense and and there would be a lot of fighting and then recently he he wanted to be more chummy with my mom and my mom just didn't hasn't wants no part of it so I understand both sides of it so like my question for you is then you went they must have said bad things about you to absolutely absolutely a portion of them on paper are true are true absolutely so like how are you gonna like how are you gonna handle that I'm gonna tell my it's it's all my you know it's the truth it's there's nothing to hide about it's the truth it's the truth he made a lot of mistakes but he's turned himself around and to not

factor in that truth as well as all the other truths you're not getting the whole picture but in the beginning I didn't make a lot of mistakes in the beginning they just didn't want me around they had made a conscious decision I remember and I was telling my wife the story how you know they took me somewhere that I didn't want to be they really really but even the judge told them no and I don't even know if people understand this at home where you go somewhere somebody takes you somewhere there's a part of your anger and your rage that it takes you somewhere that you don't want to be that you don't even really like yourself I don't like myself when I'm like that I catch myself from time I caught myself like that Monday at Higgin Machado's jujitsu school with some guy

I just sometimes I just don't like something and I will fucking tell you and I will stay there like a fucking idiot and hunt you down it's a it's a part of me that stayed with me since I was a kid I just don't like certain people I don't like how they walk into a room I don't like how they speak sometime I don't like how they treat other people or address other people but there are people who get off on that but there are people who get off on that who like to sit around and poke bears and then get upset upset when somebody says something to them so when it happened 20 years ago with my ex-wife it took me somewhere not to mention I was an open micro as a comic so that tenacity was helping my hope and was helping my comedy career because anger is real on stage but it wasn't

helping me inside it was wearing me down and it was making me give up and I didn't want to give up but I mean by giving up is that in those days at any situation if something bad would have happened it could be a flat tire could have been a flat tire you guys see the movie uh what was the movie with Michael Douglas when he fucking snaps on the 405 when they went yeah uh what was the name falling down falling down you ever see that you're too young for that movie one day a guy's having he's going through a divorce in that movie separation the kid his job and it's the it's the straw that that broke the camel's back he was at the fucking on the 10th or on the 405 you know how it is beep beep and one day he just snapped and as he's walking away from the car they go to mug him downtown

oh no it's not the thing and he pulls the gun out he shoots the guy and they run away and he goes hey you forgot your briefcase it's a great fucking scene how much of all crimes is that do you think like you just someone snapped and they happen to get caught on the day they snapped you know man it's uh i would say a lot of crime is not that but some of it certainly is and and you know why does somebody go home and kill their fucking kids yeah why does somebody go home and stab both their kids and the mother and put them in it it happens every day in the newspaper like you had talked about wanting to kill your ex-wife and her husband absolutely and and like absolutely you were let's let's just say on paper you were a bad person back then or i did bad things back i wasn't

a bad i was uh i was a young confused person i had made some mistakes i was trying to get my life back together but that fucking animal was still in there it's dangerous it was dangerous and they were playing a game with me and i'm getting hotter and hotter and now i'm thinking to myself i'm a loser in life i'm not making any progress for comedy i'm not making any progress here you know what i'm not gonna let these motherfuckers fuck with me and then something very weird happened oj killed his wife really oj killed his wife i think june 12 to 94 check the date or june 12 to 95 was june 12 to 94 when he killed his wife and that put me over okay that 12 of 94 who the fuck you think you're dealing with here that put me over because now i had somebody to relate

to now i had somebody to relate to she wasn't messed around with a man she took my kid into another man's house without my permission or without my knowledge and her parents kept lying to me so i was a power keg so i have nothing going on my comedy career is nowhere i'm angry i'm broke and guess on top of this what's going on i'm pouring cocaine into his mind like never before i had a dealer i didn't need money i would just call him up and he'd give me a half an eight ball just on the arm i still owe him sixteen hundred dollars today if i find them i will send him his fucking money in fact i called my kessler one in the morning last week and asked him where's vent i will send him his fucking money because he was that good to me at that time so yes he's really

good to him giving him free cocaine so what did oj do did oj make you not want to do it no oj made oj let me know that i could do it now i had somebody in my side now i had somebody that was on my side this is what happens to people people see this they they call they call copycat crimes this isn't stupid this is what happens to somebody in society when they get beat up on a daily basis for two years and when they want to be a good person there's people who don't really give a fuck who never had a chance and they'll take whatever's piled on top of them but when somebody wants to be a good person and can't figure out what's going on i don't know what was going on now i wasn't giving my life 100 percent as a human being i was tiptoeing through what i had to do

and i was angry at myself and i was angry at society but in my heart i really really wanted to be a dad and i would have changed to do this if she would have gave me the opportunity things would have been different today i probably wouldn't have been here i probably would have been a stand-up that would have stayed in colorado and done a car salesman or car salesman done events so if she let you if she let you see jackie on a regular basis if things would have if let's say i had two sleepovers a month and i had no drama with her and i found the job i had a job in bold that paid me great money but if i could put all those things together i would have probably still been in bold i wouldn't have left because it was my comfort zone late it was my comfort zone

i had been there for a couple years i got arrested now i knew people in town and it wasn't that i was a bad person at the time i was always trying to do something good with my life it just i was ten thousand dollars behind but so like let's say jackie called and was like well you were in prison you abandoned me and my mom or you left me my mom i hate like what like what would you say if she's angry yeah enough enough that's what she's gonna say she can't throw that prison card because he was in prison before she happened yeah before i married and i didn't leave them i never left them they had a place to live they had a great place to live the husband had a fucking Porsche okay nobody abandoned nobody abandoned this is a mutual split she tried to hide and push me the

fuck away but if she said something along those lines what would you say there's nothing i could say see i don't want to i don't want to start you don't fucking you don't start you don't close on yet you don't close on your fucking feet you close on your ass i just told you what i'm gonna tell her that there's a time and a place for everything so when she calls it's just an initial call i'm here i'm sorry about what happened uh you know i don't know what you know it doesn't really fucking matter doesn't really matter even if she hangs up that fucking phone eight years from now she's gonna call and go i want to know what really happened you don't you don't want to call and feel like she is being i'm not gonna jump on her right away i don't want to put nobody on the spot that's

why i did what i did she was getting put on the spot as a fucking five-year-old and it started when she was two yesterday i was looking at mercy after she called mercy's 25 months old right now at 25 months old you have no idea what jackie was going through she wasn't even seeing me there was a time with three months where i lived in a different town she wasn't seeing me she wasn't answering the phone and you know me i'm not a rat i wouldn't call the fucking cops i knew she would come out but at that time that last phone call i made to them i i made it clear that i would fucking stab them both didn't bring the kid to the house by one o'clock in fact the father brought the kid to the house because i called the father and i said this is not gonna end good i love you

you're a great guy i'm just telling you right now that this is not gonna end good and i'll tell you what they know he means her father her grandfather the last time i seen her father that we were exchanging the kid her father was crying the whole time he shook my hand the hardest any man is ever shook my hand he was crying the whole time they lost the family i was more into them in a way that i was into her i was more into them that had been the first time i was around decent fucking people my since my mother died right so i was into that more than i was into her he was a lieutenant colonel you know and uh he wrote a recommendation to the department of jails for me and i still remember the last paragraph and he wrote that uh joe deez has never had a

uh a great job but he's had menial jobs and he's always been very proud of those menial jobs he's always taken those menial jobs to the next level he said i was a very hard worker and then he felt i would never get in trouble again and i just needed to get into a right direction you know i still remember how he put that i was proud of having a job like i was always very proud of fucking working i never wanted you to give me i was never looking for a handout the problem was when i got a job was 11 bucks an hour that's 440 a week that's 300 after taxes in those days i wiped my ass at 300 so i could make 300 by selling a fucking quarter ounce of blood so it was tough to maintain that job you know but to get back to the subject i was tight

with him you know he knew where i was coming from you know he said that he had worked with men he was a lieutenant fucking colonel the fucking air force man he had worked with young men all his life and he told me once he goes you're one of the sharpest motherfuckers that i know as a young guy it's just gonna take a while but when it focuses in for you you're gonna be a fucking killer that's why i like that dude because he knew me better than i knew myself in 27 you know is that is that maybe why you waited longer because like let's say the shit you tried to call this 10 years ago the day that they fucking sent two guys to beat me up in my house yeah the next morning when i walked outside and i had the bandage over my rib and my rib was black you know when you have

a bruise and some people have like black and blue and my rib this area was black they hit me with a two by four and they hit my dog with a two by four and i'm gonna tell you people at the house and you two fuckos that i love dealing if it wasn't for her father that day i would have killed them both in my parking in front of jackie and i'm telling you this this is the asshole side of joe dears that that day when i walked down the stairs i would have killed them right there in the parking lot in front of my little baby girl that's how much anger i had for these two people because now they had crossed the line they didn't have the balls to twist the knife themselves they sent two motherfucking white dudes to come get me and the one guy worked me over if i hadn't

seen that two by four on the floor i whacked him but the one guy i did get my hands on he's somewhere right now thinking about me because i know he's got scars on his face i know his ear is fucked up i know i stepped on his nose and his face a couple times i went after that motherfucker and i called an off-duty cop to come to my fucking house to check this motherfucker out on the floor and we picked them up and we dropped them off in front of emergency and i never heard anything again and the law limitations out the statute limitations i really don't get a talk about it on a testicle test this is why i'm a fucking animal when i want to be an animal i'll be a fucking animal it's who i was raised to be right listen when my mother when i die someday i'm gonna

fucking die and my mother's probably in purgatory because she killed somebody and they sent her to the health for 20 years and she worked herself up for purgatory and i'm gonna tell you something birthday discussion yeah and the first time i see my mother in purgatory she's gonna hug me people are like why are you married and she's gonna go you did good but you didn't kill your stepfather who you should have put a bullet in his head you didn't kill that cunt of an ex-wife of yours you didn't kill that cunt of a fucking boyfriend and you didn't kill two or three other people you should have just fucking ended that time for what they did to you i know my mother i know my mother's fucking mentality and this is why the cat the king situation should be the mother's

day bothers the fuck out of your ex-wife this is why the the the the the whole thing bothers the fuck out of me because i in my mind in my dimension fucking mind i think they did something to me they all they get they got a smack on remember i come from a different house i come from a house that you don't come home smacked in my world right now i'm still a little smacked i'm happy they had a call yesterday and bowed down a little bit but in my world i still got the you ever get smacked out in the face in the winter time yeah and you get five fingers left on your face yeah i still got that from them you think so even with being in like oh i fucking i know joe deas i know what's inside joe deas is heart in his mind you don't think the longest yard of

money was all that there's nothing that's bigger smacks no what are you talking about you don't maybe not bigger but what are you talking about i'm talking about somebody smacked me in the face and walked away and i stayed with that facts in my face what's a movie going to do for you or a tv show because they want they want to do dead they want to do drugs trust me i'm telling you okay they deserve to fucking they don't both deserve to end up on their knees leah have you ever been done nowhere near that no any any any i've been done bad but the only the reason there are some people out there there's some people out there lee that do such bad things to you or to someone that you love that there there will never be anything no matter how well you do in life

or how lucky you get or there will there will never be anything that will be able to erase that feeling of what this motherfucker did to you of what they did to you it will always live in your soul there will never be anything to take it away it may diminish right well the reason i asked it because you've talked about before is every time you did a movie or tv show you thought about that's nothing that's nothing that's that's you know what i'm talking about when somebody stabs you know somebody fucking does something that's filming your nose at them that's that's not that's nothing that's not retribution that's for white people that's not the retribution fucking house on fire that your heart feels that i know i know what you're saying

and i'm sorry to i know what you're saying that that killed them that buried them they sat there on that couch shaking their fucking head but you want to you want to drop a bomb on them yeah i mean i want it's still it's not gonna it's never going to it's never gonna go away listen man when i was in when i lived in uh when i first moved to north burger and i went to the other side of the courts one day and there was an older kid there i'm only i don't want to give his name out because when them and i go to north burger and beat the fuck out of him too and i was maybe 12 and he was maybe 20 there's a list and he was stopped and he was maybe 20 and uh he smacked me one day we're playing basketball and he smacked me i threw the ball out of him in the winter and i hit him in the face and

they broke us up and even though he had void on his face you know void is void is the one basketball company so this day if i like his son hit me on twitter one day like he's forgot about it like he's told his son i'm friends with him you know not my fucking world you smacked me i threw the ball at you you were 20 i was 12 what was the reason for the fucking snack and then he joined the service so i never really seen him but as i was old i never forgot about that motherfucker so is there now that's not saying that you were going to go get retribution it's just saying that the desire for retribution is always you ever see goodwill hunting yeah of course they're driving down a fucking street okay the beginning of the fucking movie okay they're driving down a

fucking street stop they're driving down a fuck stop banging they're driving down a fucking street right okay and what does the kid say to the other one you see vicki bulutia he used to beat me up in the first grade isn't that what matt damon told that motherfucker in that first scene when they fought in the park when they got a right isn't that what my fuck i retired in here that's what i'm but when you were a street motherfucker when you were a street motherfucker forget about the good that's going on in your life when you wake up in the morning right the first thing in your fucking heart should be what those people did to you that's what puts the flavor in your day to go out and make somebody else pay for what life or whatever the fuck is done to you so is there anything you

can do to get to get revenge without ending up in jail or no not really the revenge i get is like my uncle he's got cancer today a slow fucking cancer because usually you don't do it to nobody life doesn't itself okay okay you don't ever want to go home and wish something on somebody you're gonna stab the motherfucker or wipe your hands up okay so there's nothing there's nothing you personally can do to get it back no okay you know there's nothing i could do to get it back i lost my daughter i knew that when i got in the current 95 and i drove away but that flavor's still in my mouth yeah they giggled when i left they're not giggling right now they're at home at a table right now looking at each other going so when is she gonna call how are we gonna tape

this should we contact the police they know this is serious they know something else that i'm charismatic i could win that girl over but i really don't want to i don't need to win her over i don't need to win her over i'm gonna call i'm gonna tell her what's on my mind what's in my heart that i love her and let her know what's here available to her and that's it and i'm gonna plant the seed and someday whether she wants to talk to me she could talk to me or she doesn't have to talk to me but guess what i came to peace with everybody who listens to the church but most importantly myself because i picked up that phone and i fucking made the call how did you know when you saw someone was calling did you know it was her no no because people call me from colorado all the

fucking time how nervous were you like when she said hi joe or i didn't know who was she even said to me joe you know i go yeah she goes you know this is and i go no she goes this is your ex wife well what did you think i she goes what are you doing i go i'm looking for a plane ticket on southwest like i can't believe that $5,900 a sack of menta did your heart drop at all or no no i just there was just another fucking day in business i was ecstatic that she called she had a call i knew that my hunch was right i knew that my hunch was right i knew that they got the call on the third and sat there and said he's only gonna call once and go away uh uh uh uh listen i didn't get to this point my comedy career is a human being because i was planning on going away

you know i'm not the type of guy to go away i might disappear for a while and let you think i went away like clenice would in the fucking hang of mine but i ain't going away right and my anger and i know that and i know what you're saying is right that part of me the little success that i've gotten over the years they had a fucking swallow and sit at the table when somebody had to say hey isn't that your ex-husband and in front of her family she had to go yeah oh i know i wasn't saying at all that it's equal and if i didn't i'm i blame the edibles but no it's uh i blame the animals you do that a lot like sometimes usually on this show but have you guys thought about or even considered like what are you gonna say if mercy ever asks about it are you gonna tell her

mercy's not gonna say nothing i'm gonna tell her mercy's not gonna ask me i'm gonna tell her what the time is right well my wife will tell if i punch the ticket it's oh god it's out there there's no point in trying to act like it didn't happen it's parents always do that though yeah well it's out on on social media i guess that's true if i had social media with my dad the cat's out of the bag folks i actually got an email from this podcast the other night where i said my dad was on the radio this woman from boston emailed me and said that she remembered my dad on the radio i want to give his dad a shout out today it's his birthday today happy birthday dick sciat if he's listening i know he's not listening but he's down there a lot of there hoping he had a fucking edible yeah for his

birthday happy birthday i told him happy birthday on facebook he's a good fucking dude you know i mean uh this don't get me wrong i love the kid what's that baby no go ahead good you've lost my train of thought thank you very much i love the kid and but somewhere along the line that was part of my release also i knew that i wasn't gonna raise her with the ds or the val desmond tally i knew that was not going to be allowed you know i knew that they had a plan on how they were going to raise or i knew that they want to have to play golf i knew that they weren't going to raise her catholic i knew a lot of things that i would have been battling it out for i never really walked away from her i just went away to get stronger and i never in my heart i never

knew it would blow up blow up to this i never knew i was going to come out here and get the longest show i never knew i was going to do spider-man too those are just things to show in a way i did some with my life and uh but i didn't do the most important thing which was be her father that's the most important thing i couldn't have done okay i got a second chance and i'm gonna be the best fucking father i can't you know but with that situation all i could do was apologize let her digest it and let her decipher people decipher things on their own i go back and forth about my fucking dad you know my dad died when i was three for years i didn't think of the poor bass until my uncle brought him up and said he's a great fucking guy and then i i understood and i

remember the stories my mom told me and now i lie the candle for my dad and i love him and i you know i think about him i know he watches over me but i thought the same way he left me here you know i gotta tell you and lee there's there's a part of me that wishes that that door would just stay closed that door and joey's life would just stay closed because i'm his new life and i'm the mother of his new daughter and the one that's going on now and he's here for that and there's a part of me that doesn't want to share that and i and that's protective of mercy that she shouldn't have to have a divided dad like that but then that's her sister and that's her family and that's not fair either to either one of them i don't know jackie but uh this scares the shit out of me

what scares the shit out of me at some points because it's a door i opened now i have to close it or deal with it you follow me i'm not scared of this situation because yeah but you know it i don't know it no there's nothing to be fucking scared of or anything i mean there's nothing to be scared of i mean uh i did something i i cleaned up a loose end terry clark i had a couple loose ends that i had to take care of this is one of them this is one of those loose ends i had to go pick up my stuff in miami this is it you know this is this is what it is to be a man i finally became a man of 50 fucking two i should be ashamed of myself but i did it but i did it there's an ending to this someday i did become a man some people become a man at 18 some people become a

man at fucking 25 some at 35 i really became a man at 44 today i i i picked up my balls and stopped doing blow and gave my wife the best attention i could ever give her and give her my love undivided you know that's when i became a man but what i've done the last seven years for myself you know like just to put away the those skeletons i had in the closet which people never want to deal with and i get it i get it i got it until the church straight me out until the people the same people i sit here and tell stupid fucking jokes to the stupid stories straight me out and this is why i made this call because the only way this podcast is gonna work and the only way we're gonna have a fucking relationship is if you know i walk the walk i gotta be able to

fucking walk the walk if i talk about jujitsu it's because i gotta go get beat up for them to you know if i talk about being a man and picking your fucking balls up every day i gotta if i talk about being a better better american i gotta show these motherfuckers that that's right i smoke weed but when i get up in the morning you know i pick up papers i fucking do whatever i have to do i'm a fucking american i feel in my fucking heart it doesn't matter if i'm a spake or a fucking half a yam or whatever the fuck i am i'm a fucking american motherfuckers as much as the rest of you motherfuckers i'm what's called an american felon i i went to jail i paid my fucking due and now i walk around like i own the fucking joint and i don't have to vote i don't have to go to uh

whatever the shi- jury duty jury duty but i can still carry it has its benefits i'm scared too i opened up a fucking door but i opened up a door that was supposed to be open and whatever happens it's not gonna affect the family i have now it's not gonna affect my family in no fucking way because this is it i got a second chance of being a dad something i wanted to be so badly in 1994 when i left george's in new jersey and went back to colorado i went back with this hope that i could live my i could make everybody proud around me i could be a dad i could get a job i could do some stand the comedy and maybe someday something's gonna come with this but that wasn't the fucking case i walked into a wall of no you can't do this you can't do that

you can't say that about it they say i was broke and on top of this there was no money no money at all i used to borrow a car at the shore the door didn't shut i'd have to close it with a bungee from one side to the other belongs to the deli's own a deli and fucking boulder that they used to make deliveries with so that's just to let fucking people know where i was at so for me to do this i want to thank everybody who emailed me everybody who you know anybody who sent me a twitter twitter message anybody who fucking gmailed me that said hey man you did the right thing thank you thank you for the support because you made a man out of fucking me i i i did what i had to do probably you know that's awesome fuck yeah this is why i did it this is

it man we gotta fuck this is a network this is a real network this ain't a mafia family with a bottom people do what the fuck no we all do dirty work here we all fucking do dirty work we all have fears and we all have fucking anxieties we all have things we have to do this is how it starts man so i want to thank the church i'll be right back where you going i'm gonna get you got some tissues oh thank you brother your nose oh no i've been every time i come here i forget to fucking spray my nose and this is what happens i gotta give you something tomorrow so uh now we have another situation in our family oh god my niece who i love dearly my daughter my wife's niece niece niece it's on her side but i love it's it's my fault it's my family uh she ran off

with a fucking chemistry professor 38 fucking years old she's 18 and uh it's really weird because i would i didn't go back for like maybe five years when i started dating terry and i went back to tennessee i'm done crying now i'm pissed and i fell in love with my niece i mean she's a great kid she's funny she has uncle jewelry she has a weird accident she has a tennessee draw she's got big feet you know she's just a funny girl you know and i fell in love with her she pitches she has anger issues i love her you know she got issues all right i'll tell you a part of meeting her and having communication with her made me call my daughter because there's nobody in the world that needs a dad more than this girl does and it's you could see it so it put guilt on me with my

daughter but not as much see when i did all these things i knew that john is not a bad guy let me tell him before we go forward with terry's business the guy that my wife ex-wife married i gotta tell you guys he's not a bad guy he's not a bad guy and uh a lot of people i don't want people to miss it's true he's not a bad guy even those people are just gonna die because he was dead no uh sorry my nose is clogged up he's not a bad person he's a good dad and he tries and i i smacked him at 95 out of my insecurities and i called him a few weeks later and apologized per my daughter's asking me she said why don't you apologize and i did so uh he's not a bad guy this was just uh they made a call and they had to stick to it did you get any hate mail from that when

they when you sit down and talk to your daughter did anybody say well uh yeah two or three people have said little things to me but i understand i understand where they're coming from it's not that i'm mad at them because do you listen this podcast you gotta have a fucking opinion you gotta have some type of opinion this podcast isn't gonna fucking work i don't like everything you do and you don't like everything i fucking do and that's what makes the world go around making the world go around is not because we all sit around and go oh my god we all love fucking the Beatles no we don't my wife don't fucking like the Beatles you know we we talked about this the other goddamn night but it's because when you when you think about it because i've never had a kid so it's never happened

but when you think about it when people say like a father doesn't have contact with a kid it's usually like a negative reason it's like looked at negatively and you look you don't like that it happened but you said that it happened because you went away to make yourself better so that you know more that's mostly positive yeah but when i went away to make myself better this was the mind fuck i was telling myself this was the mind fucking cocaine i was telling myself it just so happened everything did get better you know in the back of my mind when i was first of all when i left boulder to take a triple run uh i kept my apartment i was coming back i just knew that there had to be space there had to be some type of space that had to initiate

some type of space it was it was fucking with the baby it was fucking with jackie in the worst way it was it was pressure on her i could see it i could see it and i don't never forget getting the call from tribal at one in the morning i had a pager and i didn't even have the enough change we had a pager until we met and i didn't even have the the change to call them back and when i called them back he goes i have four weeks of work for you the pacific northwest and i was like this is a god you know like i've always told people i've always let my path dictate itself sometimes you may want something but life doesn't give it to you and all of a sudden you find out that plane went down and you're like whoof and i was pissed for two weeks that plane went down

bitch so uh i took the four weeks for tribal and i ended up staying in seattle i ended up meeting josh wolf and meeting you know gavin and then brody and brody and doing comedy and then and i said money and it was perfect for me at the time you know it was perfect i i just wanted to give myself air i needed that break it was too much i was about to do something bad and then what happened i went to seattle did something bad because the anger issues were fucking out of control man it's crazy because when i was a kid when you look at your parents like you think they're like adults before they make that decision and like they're perfect but looking at it now i have so many kids have so many friends with kids and people who are a lot younger than me have kids and it's just

they're not it's like people expect you to be perfect and just stay with them the mom forever or just stay there forever but you were only what 27 28 you said there's there's no perfect there it's impossible to be perfect as a parent and no matter what you do you're going to fuck up it's impossible to be perfect as a relationship yeah we've been together 15 years i yell at every day she yells at me every fucking day but at the end of the day she knows i love it on my heart she knows i have 30 fucking things on my mind and she knows i would jump out of a fucking window for it and going in she knows that we've already gone through i wish there were cameras in your house all day oh please you know i quit coke because of her i was never gonna get married

again and i broke down and married her because i knew i had one of the best and she had my back and if you're fucking crazy you don't think part of your success comes with who you marry and the people around you again that's the people around you these are the people that make you want to go out there and make a living they make i've never wanted terry to pick me up on the floor can you imagine this poor girl with blue eyes waking up on morning pissing and going into the kitchen and seeing me on the floor with my arm purple and red stuff coming out of my nose she'd never be the same again you know bad things are gonna happen you don't invite them in no i didn't want that you know what if leef i i don't even want lee to find me on the floor there's few people who

could find people on the floor dead and live their life normally after that it's 10 years out of your life that you can't handle how the fuck do i know because i found my fucking mother on the floor and nobody in this life nobody deserves to find a loved one on the fucking floor okay natural causes that's a beautiful thing man god took you you ate one too many cheeseburgers and two in the fucking morning but for you to find the loved one who suffered a death who had a cardiac arrest because they were doing cocaine in their bathroom when me and terry first met i got on board with some howard stern guys do you remember that one of them being kasey the kid who used to cut himself and got fired from stern and kasey called me one night he goes i want you to go to long island

and book this gig you're gonna go on howard stern on friday we're gonna promote the gig and we're all gonna make a bunch of money i forget who else was on the show it was norton's buddy jimmy the one who the heavy metal station oh jim uh florentine and me and these two kids and the one kid that was the promoter was a cop fucking nicest kid in the world just a beautiful fucking daughter beautiful baby two girls red hair ponytails they dropped me on at the hotel do you remember that or we went back to their house we went back to their house and we switched cars this the one guy drove me to the hotel do you know the next morning i woke up to the guy who we switched cars died that before i got in the plane in long island remember they sent me a check a month later

for no money it was like 200 bucks there was like 19 people at the show there's so many stories i cannot oh my god so if you had gotten in the other car you would have you would have done no no no he died he went inside it's like me going to you hold on one second i'm gonna go over my house uh go start the pizza i'm gonna go in my bathroom the kid went in his bathroom did a line of coke and had a heart attack on his bathroom and died so you're there wait for me that night to celebrate i was in my hotel i had to get up at six to take a flight out of fucking long island but that's how quick it is these two kids that had known each other's skin a guard he went over back to the house went in the house the wife was sleeping the girls were sleeping open the bathroom found his

friend on the floor overdosed from fucking cocaine and cardiac arrest till this day the kid doesn't talk about it it was his best friend so this is the reason why at the 10-year mark at the nine-year mark i proposed to you have no idea there were there were years in there that i thought i'd find joey dead on the living room war that i or he would be dead beside me in bed so why did you stay where was that gonna go we we watched the story of a 60 year old guy her and i one night watched this thing on discovery you know dead stories of dead people by the guy who was reading a book outside his wife went to bed first he read a book and he fucking went into bed he had a heart attack in his sleep and they couldn't figure out why he had done a line of coke and laid down you

don't have no idea how fucking lucky i am but that was 90% of my reasoning for stopping was i didn't want her to find me anybody else but if i died in houston that's fine i didn't want anybody else to fucking find me i didn't care about anybody else finding me but this poor woman and you know a lot of people say why did you stay a lot and i was no prize lee you see me now and the me you know now is not the me that was with joe Diaz in the early days i would drink an entire bottle of jack daniels by myself and smoke maybe two packs of cigarettes while i was drinking that bottle of jack and i had no compunction with it and i would do it every night then we met so we saved each other and if that continued even with joey you think that the comedy store was just my cocktail

waitressing job i worked where i could get free booze always up until i was 35 till i started to work at the la field the la field saved me on that one i got a job that i cared something about that i cared enough about me to pull myself up out of the gutter for but i was in the gutter right there with him i was just on a different drug yeah did you ever think like because not wanting her to find you could have happened at any point when you were doing it so like what changed at that point do you think change one like what made because anytime you did a line you could have had her find you like what made that matter when you decided to quit well you have to eventually stop doing a line so your head clears up a bit

because if you're just going to sit there what a dumbass the star of death that's why you should watch live yeah oh yeah it's it's a little itchy talking about coke you gotta stick a star in his mouth just uh i wanted to bring my wife in here today just to let you guys know what was going on it's my 52nd birthday tomorrow and uh i'm just really happy to be doing this fucking podcast with you guys today that's it this is all i'd like and i really want to talk to my daughter because uh i wanted to talk about jacqueline because uh you guys fucking initiated so there you have it what do you like let's say you talk are you gonna use your old name or new name

what do you mean what well they changed her name you said i don't know her name i thought you said his name i was like what we i don't know what her fucking new name is i don't know what's gonna happen we're gonna we're gonna call her ray ray i'm just gonna do what i have to do with the ball on her court and i did what i had to do now we gotta deal with my fucking missing these and you know like i said it uh one of the reasons why i stayed with my wife is like in the very beginning one night and one of her drunk stupas she said she could really see that i didn't have a mother growing up i could see where and that's the first time a woman had gotten under my skin about my mother like i would let somebody talk about my mother her saying that to me i just looked

over there i didn't even know what to say and i went to bed didn't say nothing for a few days but that made me love her more because it was the first person that was that honest with me that made me fall in love with her faster i don't i like when people are honest with me i don't want you know i don't like any any other thing i like that honesty that but there's a way for people to say it on that particular day she said it just right that it didn't blow me out of the water you know but do you remember saying that and i didn't understand that first but after i met her niece when i saw how much she needed a man in her life because her what happened was her sister met a guy they ran off whatever were in love she got pregnant they broke up the guy

went to jail my sister my aunt my sister along moved back home she had the kid and she's raised the child at the home with the grandparents and i think the world of i mean i think she's beautiful i think she's smart she's funny uh this comes as a shock she's making her bed these are mistakes that 18 year olds make some 18 year olds decide to drive drunk some of them decide to date inappropriate men some decide to date lots of them some you know it's a dumb mistake it will not define her for the rest of her life no it's something she did now but we're trying to figure out what happens now fuck the rest of her life what i'm trying to figure out how to fix this now well right now we calm the fuck i heard when you were talking to your sister before and you're like it's this

kind of who gives a fuck about now now we got to figure out how to get a home and how to patch this well she ain't even actually left home for real like i said she didn't pack her bags i bought her a brand new pair of jordan's for christmas they're still sitting at her mother's house she left her all she did was left the fucking cat out of the bag yeah so we gotta figure out she's making rookie mistakes about rookie mistakes the jordan's are there you know me i feel like sending her a plane ticket and bringing her out here yeah i got one problem with that what i got one big problem with that that one i have a two-year-old in my house her name's mercy and i don't want no fucking problems and number two i don't have the tolerance i will throw the fuck out i will throw her the fuck out

yeah she's she's the same way my uncle threw me out at 21 years she needs to get her head wrapped around herself and so she just you know what let her fall on her face that's the best thing you can do for her right now is to just let her fuck up but she's not falling in the face she's answering what she's doing brother you know they took her phone from she's uh filling that void right now yeah okay that's what she's doing right now she's looking for something to fill that void and she's been looking for somebody to fill the void she likes older men whatever she needs that she needs that hole to be that there's a hole in her fucking plug and you know in the wall you gotta put one of those plugs in the dam you know that's all it is so until she finds that i wish her luck i love

her regardless she just doesn't have any confidence that she's a big enough plug for her own hole you know what i mean is she thinks that that that someone else is going to have to fill that void for her she's gonna have to wake up eventually and realize there's nobody gonna fill that you don't have to fill it yourself see the voids i had filled i i always needed a mom and i always needed that but i got so much love from the friends around me and so much belief from the six friends that i did have you know that that filled that void for me and that let me go on that let me progress in my life you know look at the shape you leave fucking higher you're already pretty high you're not going to make it to the show at the ice astronaut are you oh shit that's right oh i do want to go

that's a good show that's a fucking show tonight brother that's why i said to you eat the chocolate because i want to get well the chocolate is too big oh because the chocolate is 10 million i'll go tonight that's a good show fuck yeah that's a good show what time is the show 10 o'clock show bill burke on segura oh i'll watch the whole show arisha fiend look at least rubbing his belly we're bringing the show oh yeah we're bringing the whole fucking bag we're bringing the whole bag of anarchy animals up there to let the party out for the aria christ we've already walked into he's dosed you before you know what i'm going through he's dosed me yeah you know what i have the good sense to know that he's about to dose me and i just say no when are you going to wake up

and realize that that's what's happening no no but he's talking about don't shoot don't shoot means when i fucking yeah i know give it to you without you knowing i know that no you don't know that yes i do i gave you the banana bread but you knew and i gave you the other thing at the wedding what you knew about to the brownie what's brown oh tell him about the first time that i before the medical marijuana license i came home one night you and i were having a conversation and dre was over the house yeah and i made sunday night no you didn't make dick it was a sunday you made the brownies and i made the french fries listen to me don't i fucking made i didn't know what i was doing this is why i mean you fucking momos on the road come up to me and go we don't

know animals about here yes you fucking do you have a thing called mexican brown that should make tremendous fucking animals you got to get it cut it where this is a cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it cut it as fine as you can and get a little frying pan put a little bit of olive oil in there a little bit of butter so the butter don't burn and on a low flame you just leave the fucking shaking that and eventually it'll bubble up and that green the thc comes out of it so i would mix the brownie and i would keep pouring it in when i was like i don't know and we kept making it was a sunday night i don't know how am i supposed to know i don't make a stupid part i'm looking at the spoon and listen before that brownie came out of the fucking oven i was already

fucked up i was fucked up this was at two three o'clock in the morning oh my god we were still fucked up at six thirty the next night the heavens all the time with this i had to go to work andrea and i had to work the original room at the comedy the girl that slept over slept over and stayed there all day because she and more the same clothes to work that's how strong the brownies were the first time in brownies and sitting back down this is this is 2005 right yeah more 2003 it was 2003 before long this year 2001 that's how long i made these brownies how many milligrams do you think they were oh my god i don't know oh it's terrible doesn't matter you've seen the original room on how packed it gets we're the only two waiters on a monday night on a monday night sunday night that

no we got high on a sunday and we stayed in on monday all day was it a holiday something yes because it yes it was a packed day we went back it was packed monday night we made the fucking brownies after work lee at two in the fucking morning it was awful all right that's the first experiment i ever had my friends in houston were telling me how to make them well you shouldn't feel bad now for giving into the waiters at some of the comedy clubs we were we were watching we were watching law and order and i was so i was like this is either the best law and order i have and it was in my head like the whole time the dialogues in my head going is this the best law and order ever am i the only one watching this show oh my god that's the first time i made brownies it's the worst i fuck myself

and my wife and her girlfriend up the fucking 12 yeah because i ten o'clock the next night on monday night i was still hot like i was it was it was i could still feel the harm in my fucking ears that hum that michael coli only had before he shots a lot so at the italian restaurant right that's the same hum i had in my ears like a whistle like like that type of shit i love it it was it wasn't it was like a slow like sleep deprivation hum all over my body like always tremendous i'm experiencing that right now what are you gonna eat today you're gonna go to skinny kitchen and get that disgusting buffalo burger oh god no no the bison burger is pretty good oh jesus christ but no i'm not gonna get that one i'm this high what are you getting for dinner today i don't know i i bought i bought

a whole bunch of groceries no i can't get pizza i wish uh no i got a whole bunch of groceries because i'm trying to cook at home more i was trying to do so i got a whole bunch of stuff yesterday so i'm trying not to go out you went to the gym today yeah you look at me no not not today how come you didn't go to gyms because like my ipad didn't have charge so i was gonna go later but now i think today might be my day off why don't you have to go nice and stone you should be going nice and fucking lit the stuff like this how funny is he when he goes to the yoga high does he get you know goofy how funny is it that he's shaking this entire room with his legs right now oh i do that oh my god i can shake a plane he's been shaking the whole car shakes i can't you don't

understand the whole car you're sitting there like this is a red light and the whole car is shaking you're like what the fuck knock it off with the damn foot now go to sleep with that at night when he's sitting there and his feet are like this up and down he's got the roughest scratchiest gnarliest feet you have ever seen in your entire life they're like this is what's going on on the bottom of joe diaz's feet he's like honey get the nail clippers when i go in the night sometimes a nail catches a cat like a little hoof like a cat shit you cut her every night you know what i got him for christmas you want to know socks no laser treatment for the nail fungus on his feet and i got it that's what he went that's his that's

what i wanted that's what he asked for i she says what do you want to go get me a deal for the laser to fucking blow torch my fucking toe the fun guy that lives again that's that's that's where we're at i looked at it last night the fun guy's going away the fun guy's going away on both toes leah unless you have somebody who's willing to deal with the fungus on your toenails thankfully i don't have any you don't oh you will you will i will what does it look like what happens it big it's black and it looks like um like a tree bark is growing like up that's pushing your nail up that's gonna happen like you know you've seen trees that have like the mushrooms growing at the bottom right all right imagine those mushrooms growing up under your nails and pushing your nail up that's it's

like coral looks like coral that's what it looks like well i should get the group on now i should get the group on now oh it's so raw did you hear what are you doing today what he's going to the grove to see american sniper but he's there ever he he said on his podcast they're all gonna go and like just boo the movie just like when it gets bad they're gonna groan when it gets bad he'll be booing from the beginning that's that's what he said he said it's terrible so they're gonna go and like be a joke screening i think they're gonna laugh at all the bad i wish there's a fucking sniper and then he shoots all those dumb motherfuckers acting like fucking jack bars in the movie theater because that's what happens sometimes you get some guy that's having a fucking bad day he pulls out

one of those fucking the same the cousin to the guy that showed him in colorado batman's cousin i hope he's in that fucking movie theater right now i think you mean the joker the joker's cousin whatever his fucking name is so what's the next move with your fucking niece now what what are your parents trying to do what is your aunt your sister trying to do my dad called the guy's house and his wife knew nothing about it what so the guy's still married we have a definitely okay so we have a fucking problem and oh it's worse for him like she'll get over it well it's show about the school it's worse already because one well one of the professors at school kind of already thought something was off and was already gonna go to the dean of course it's off you always get weird

around people you're you're dating or so they were already going to go to the dean before this even happened and now it's just you don't understand it's she this is the the latest in a long line of just bad mistakes with her education like she's going for a chemistry degree and she's very smart and she's doing really well in school but now everyone's going to look at it going how well is she really doing in school chemistry wise if he's her teacher yeah she'll probably have to transfer it's it's it's you know all the all the professors there are the men professors going to look at her sideways and the women professors aren't going to look at her nice at all this this this does nothing good for her this is no no good comes out of this for her

it's amazing that this girl i have no blood with her like i have really no blood with my other nieces like kelly and elissa but i love more the same you know but this this i'm fucked up right now with this like it's just uh it's disappointing yeah i mean listen she has everything to fuck up not having a mother and growing up in north bergen and people around you doing drugs and maybe growing up in my mother's bar there was this was an easy equation that i was going to have a problem somewhere accordingly in my life i knew this as a young man i knew this the alcohol you know but you get this child who all right maybe she has been maybe she has been a little kept from society she's been sheltered she's been sheltered real but she'll have another

half of me what she's the only kid in that fucking neighborhood but uh they'll she's probably out of you i'm just think i'm out of life right now she's probably one of the few in there's a difference between being raised in a small town and then being raised sheltered in a small town because you're already sheltered because you're in a small town you can't shelter them even further because when they finally break free just a little bit they go bananas i know because i was there yeah but you didn't run away you didn't fucking but her mama did why couldn't you motherfuckers foot lose it just get some start dancing to get a Volkswagen and dance because that wasn't enough i mean we went crazy i mean like i said i would look how much freaking

booze i poured down my throat and my brother did the same he had two duis my sister ran away all three of us did do you think that comes from being sheltered absolutely it came with the threat if you ever stepped out of line you were going straight to hell and then the moment you got sight of the line where you could see where you could step off or you ran off you didn't step off you ran off as soon as they weren't looking you got just a little bit of freedom you just ran away because they taught us to be independent strong smart people but never fuck up and so the chance to to to get out of line at all to see if if it's like a devil's advocate if i step off this line am i really going to fuck up is it really going to be as bad as they say it

is let's find out now so that's where you know what i went through growing up you know we've laughed at stupid stories of us putting bricks on the street putting leaves over i'm in a car would hit a weak giggle that's not a bad kid that's just a stupid kid that wants to have a good time you know if we had done that we'd have got our bell i also know little kids i also know you know so when i look at mercy as a parent joe dea is looking at mercy oh my god i don't want to leave in the fucking house in my world i want to i want to make money so she doesn't even have to i mean for a long time i was even taking a home school at the agistino's home school did you know that right yeah you know why what happened he was telling me maybe the sister's a home school

that something happened so i always live with that fee i would fucking not forgive me so but then there's the flip side of the coin how many fucking times at ten i went to new york and my mom thought i was in the karate tournament and i was in new york you know walking into a peep show or you know how many fucking times and guess what guys i'm fucking here how many times at 12 that i do thc crystal and go get off the bus on 42nd street and walk to 178th like take a cab or take trains all the way up in between you know how many fucking things gonna happen i'm not even talking about when i was an adult later on that's bullshit there's a thousand people walking around oh i could have died from doing drink shut the fuck up i'm talking about from the age of fucking

10 to 15 do you know the messes i got myself into that oh my god i seen two of my friends died before my mother died i seen two of my friends died one died the way i'm telling you see you tomorrow see you at school when he went out shopping that night he got hit by a fucking car and the other one fucking died swimming uh i'm thc fucking crystal so part of me wants to shout the mercy but the other part of me you know everybody's online today joey and miss pat what are you gonna put them on the podcast the best stories of life if you listen to miss pat stories and you listen to joey d's stories that are saddest fucking stories you've ever heard in your fucking life they call life and that's what happens in life when you go down a

wrong fucking turn that you get pregnant how old was she when miss packed the pregnant the first time like 12 or 12 by a 25 year old guy and then he got a pregnant again when she's 15 yeah that's that's a horrible fucking story finding your mother on the fucking floor is a horrible story be kidnapped from somebody with a machine gun is a horrible fucking story but i learned i learned about life i want mercy i could fill in the fucking blanks for mercy the same way i fill them for you well do you think it's crazy right now because i mean obviously i wasn't around then but it seems like there's more like crazy people shooting up areas it's always been crazy no there's always more media telling you telling you about them so it wasn't like it's not like there's more now it's

just as we have everything when you lived in boston you know about boston uh when when i remember being a kid when the people shot the mcdonalds in san diego that was big you were a little girl and you weren't even born yet like that you got national coverage on when jim jones poisoned yeah you went home and you saw that but somebody's shooting somebody at a war mark which didn't exist then it was either like an albert into a shop it existed for us it existed for her that was completely different you didn't hear that right away you heard that four days later you disregarded it like i'm in the Bronx i got my mom was dry cleaning the Bronx when i was fucking six yeah no you didn't hear if it happened more than i mean you heard about the hostage

the hostage situation and i ran the all that stuff you heard about because it was on the world you were four when they blew up oklahoma city but if some 88 wasn't born no yeah so you were six but you didn't hear about every time somebody beat a little kid to death right no you do now i was young so i don't know if i was just missing it but and i'm i'm nowhere near wanting to have kids but like i meant paul and it's something that could happen now and i think about it like how like i was in the school my senior year of high school this kid stabbed another kid in the bathroom and we had to go to the to the cafeteria and then go home and how could you like when you're about to send mercy to school and you have to and paul made a joke but it's true when she where she

went to school in England they didn't really have in school shootings well we didn't have in school shootings but i can tell you that two kids sat on a train track and got hit by a train that i went to school with now mind you i grew up with a class of my senior class had 45 people in it so when somebody when two of those people you know were you at a high school that has a maximum 150 kids in it and two of those kids just got hit by a train and then another kid gets has a four wheeler accident and like there was four kids on in that four wheeler accident one got killed one got maimed you know we may not have shootings but we had lots of tragedy we had one kid commit suicide you know but the thing is is like the thing that she was joking about and we talked about

is is you probably want to send mercy to like a good school in a nice area and that seems to be the places where public school that like that's where these these things seem to happen not like the bad area first of all let's get something straight you get shot anywhere right yeah every day i hear about a kid getting bit by a dog everywhere you got to teach your kid to be aware you got to teach your kid to keep their fucking eyes open you know i yell at terry 10 million times terry takes life different than i do and they stole her cell phone out of her person target wouldn't that i know my wife i watch her i can see how many times i could pick pocket if i was a thief you know i'm looking at the holes i want her to pay more attention i get mad and i love her you

know when she gets it eventually she gets it little things like that i could i could tell mercy about i can't teach her until she goes out in season it's hard like we were at the zoo today and all these little kids are walking next to their parents not holding their hands being very well behaved i'm like i need to let mercy out i need to let her walk yeah have you met mercy mercy takes off like a bat bat dog and then i'm like that's it mercy i'm leaving come on let's go she's like wait wait and i'm like no mercy we're not waiting come on and wait it takes off like a bat bro and then she turns and runs in the other direction shotgun takes off oh my god and there's school kids everywhere i've got a two-year-old i have to run after her with a stroller just

abandon the stroller and run after her in the zoo people are looking at me like i'm a nut but i'm like how am i ever gonna get her to learn that she can't run off if i don't let her run off a little bit she can't run too far ahead but she's got it i gotta give her a little freedom i give her freedom but i worry that's you know i'm just scared to daycare and i had to go to the daycare twice this joey d is telling you people this like usually i don't give a fuck what school she goes to i went and checked it out and looked at each teacher and judged the teacher like this does she have a felony you know i went to these places you just went and stare in the eye like oh yeah fuck yeah and i and there was two spanish ones that made me i had to vet them first so i had i went

to like six different schools yes she went to a couple of them first and then background tips and then i picked just a few and said okay here's my top pick we're going to go there first i just imagine joey you have like a friend at the dmv somehow somewhere and you get him 200 and give him like the teacher's names oh my god you know i had to go and there's one teacher there that's kind of creepy i like the other ones but she's all right mercy likes her so it all works itself out i don't even yesterday i walked to the y and every piece of me wanted to walk by the school but i had to stop myself from walking by the school because i have to break that thing off does she get upset when you drop her off yes but i haven't dropped she gets no i won't let him no she gets she gets

she gets upset if he's going to go if he drops us off in front of the house okay and then goes to park the car she gets upset to see him drive so what do you think would happen if he dropped her off oh you can't imagine no for both of us she gets so because she knows i'm coming back joey goes joey will go for the weekend it's it's a she gets uh more scared to see him leave she doesn't understand that she's he's going back yet no that's why i leave early so i have to spend half the day with her i don't want to see the days i leave i leave when she's asleep so she wakes up doesn't see me it doesn't think about it it doesn't think about it she doesn't think about it and she'll she'll probably come to the realization but she won't say anything but when he comes home on sunday

she's a little mad at him we've been at this age i could tell sometimes by her eyes but but she gets over i'm also coming to a realization that in a few years if i'm still on the road i'm gonna have to take away at least one time i already know i know i know what a ds is like i know what about i know that one day she's just gonna go listen man i'm not gonna do this unless you never traveled with mercy yeah so you want to get to be like six well i'm gonna have to get a i see how parents do it they have the it's the same way adults you have to be prepared you want it you don't want your kid to yell and scream and have a fit you got to be prepared i get i get prepared what does that mean for me weed lighters rolling papers water ice tea with

the lemon and the sugar already in it a couple fried chicken cutlets the cable the rocu you know the computer has to be uh the wi-fi has to be coming through if any of those things are missing every clock it will all the same you know i'm already having to put my checklist together before i leave for easter on the things that i have to do for joey before i leave so he won't call me as soon as i get to wherever i'm at to yell at me because the wi-fi isn't working as if it were my fucking fault for some reason that the wi-fi decided to stop fucking working and that i can he'll he called me the other day from indiana no where were you austin texas somewhere at the computer the computer he let me ask you a question so i got the i got the password for the no i

clicked up to disconnect and then i pressed connect and it's supposed to come up a sign supposed to come up if you're in a hilton it comes up hh hilton and it says room number and high speed internet click here or high high high speed internet 995 a month so i clicked the fucking arrow on the bottom the thing pulls up and it shows you all the wi-fi's that you could go to the one that's yours you press connect and all of a sudden a screen pops up takes a minute you got to keep hitting the fucking left thing and the screen comes from the left hand side not this fucking thing i'm dying to get the fucking info from my gmail some guys sent me and i can't because the thing won't sell it then the middle of august it just pops up by itself then he calls me goes

honey can i ask you a question uh so i got the thing for the hotel computer and right then i'm just like oh i just like i don't fucking know joey i'm not there i don't know what this computer is like i don't know anything about this hotel i don't know how their setup is i don't know and i don't work on windows 8 i hate windows 8 me too and it's on windows 8 so i don't even know what i'm supposed to be i all even with it even in his laptop at home i'm like i don't know what i'm i can't even get over to the stupid menu because you've got to drag it and it doesn't come half the time i'm like i don't know i don't fucking know either and i don't want to answer the question but you getting mad at me because i don't know who the fuck i'm gonna get mad at you know about

the computer i don't know about computers i'm a burglar i don't know nothing about computers you should ask man full tron he we were filming our instagram video and my phone was full and it took me like two minutes to clear it and he was pestering me every two fifteen seconds you're supposed to be the the king of electronics yeah because he's got fucking videos on there from old podcast let me give a shout out to everybody you know abandon ship on it oh god bananas which ship and it's four o'clock anyway because you got a baby's ready for you oh my god i've been here forever yeah one of the only states i love you baby yeah yeah i've heard it all before thank you for coming in for your honesty uh-huh thank you lee you're welcome thank you very much i love you

don't play hard baby let me guess you said i ain't giving you shit dirty bitch let me give you that shit let's go get in the ass we're back mother fuck this cody wheeler i love you tom bowwater peter garcia the sandman alberto jimenez andrew miller and yasidra i love you i don't know if i'm saying it right sesto or crystal whatever your fucking name is and that squad nashville and that squad all over the motherfucking world i love you motherfuckers thank you for being a part of our podcast today always a fucking pleasure what's up dog how do you feel i gave you a little piece of chocolate it was light it doesn't feel light it was delicious then you ate the star you're a fucking troupe of it i fucking love you what are you got planned for the weekend with mama

no plans yeah she's actually a little bit sick right now so i don't know what's here got cold some story you just turned ahead the other way to give her a stab if she'll cough that way like remember when they used to feel you're not in the sixth grade tell you to look the other way and cough oh you figure you make a look the other way that's it okay did she go to class today she did surprisingly good for her man yeah this situation today with my uh she sent me a picture today of her student loan page she goes over a hundred thousand dollars and that's how maybe she's she's only two-thirds of the way done oh yeah you're done and you could i just saw the bill and i looked i felt less bad about my my little bit of student loans like you can turn that arrow

that's fucking freezing okay i feel like the fucking penguin in here you know what i'm saying listen man no student loans they add up fast and sometimes they hey listen it's like they fucking do them do them on purpose they just give them to you at one point after that somebody already gave her without a job a hundred grand even if it's law school she'll pay it off in three fucking years they're the biggest scams them and all the insurances i just i just don't a hundred fucking grand yeah oh my god i owe like six grand at one time that felt terrible i owe this is a child out of fucking college i owe 20 right now but that's what did you oh what's the original well probably like 30 but my parents we each split it in a third so it's more but my my part is 20 000

you owe 20 jesus what do you pay a month 170 plus another so i play 270 because i have two loans what's how much is the amount on one loan if you don't mind me asking i'm sorry to put you 20 grand and the other one's like six so it's almost over what's the six one uh jewish foundation i applied for like a scholarship and it was like a they gave me a no interest loan really yeah so no interest they just lent you the money for the goodness of that right yeah i do i do apply weak fucking jews not even charged a half a point what kind of jews are they well that's all they only do it for jews and i'm doing for no fucking disgrace no other people give them the money and wipe your hands those people you don't want to hang out with those type of jews not even a little big

not even a half a point to keep you alive you know what i'm saying keep the lights on no that's good a hundred grand there's a lot of money out there lee they give students there's a lot of money out there to go to school people just have to be savvy and apply for these fucking things well savvy but at some point like imagine in 16 years when mercy's going it's going to be like a hundred grand a year for regular college hey that's why she's working already i got a type of shit and finally i don't give a fuck jack you should put in some baby commercials listen man uh it all works itself out you know i hear a lot of parents go wow that's lee's i'm just saying your name that's lee's college friend you know what man half of fucking people go to college don't have the fucking money and they

figure out a way to go and they do the best and you know what they learn a tremendous fucking lesson in between i don't believe in in today's let's pretend mercy was 18 and mercy came and talked to me believe in that right now after me talking to you and me being around the agostino and me being around a bunch of younger guys because i ask everybody what colleges you go to tom segura christine rick ramos all these fucking kids at college educated comics okay uh i always ask and i'm very i would tell her do me a favor don't make a decision till you're 20 go put away 10 grand just you can live at the house for free do whatever the fuck you want all you gotta do is pay for your car payment to gas and put away 10 grand in two years for school and then decide what

the fuck you want to do at 20 if you want to go to college we'll do what we can if not you got 10 grand to get an appointment let's start your fucking life and you know the value of a dollar you've already lived for two years you know that you gotta pay bills you know you have to do certain things and have responsibilities and now i think you have you have a better grasp on it you're sending a child to college at 18 let's pretend your parents had the money league and they just paid your way got you a little car you know nothing fancy paid for your apartment will you still be the person you want today no not at all i i lived in a town where kids were getting BMWs at 16 and crashing them getting more and mind you i got very lucky my dad made a lot of money when i was

really young and he put away i had a big piggy bank like a huge one in my room and i never got an allowance but my brother and i each had a big piggy bank he got like disney world and every week he put 20 bucks in it and then he had a college fund too so when i got to college we cracked open the piggy bank and had a few few thousand dollars that was mine for spending money in college and then i had like five grand or something when was the first time you had a job how old are you 16 let's get no 14 that's the youngest you can get a job but you told me about riding in a couple places i worked at cvs for two years i worked at radio shack rip and i worked at the movie theater and then all through college i worked at the movie theater and restaurants i've always worked i bought

my first car actually pissed me off my brother got my car when i graduated high school and i my parents didn't have any money giving car so i worked at cvs and i paid for it and then he got it i was like god damn what they do to your car what are you gonna he no no i didn't need a car was in boston yeah i don't believe in sending a child to school the only way to do it is if they have this new thing where they have free community college for two years if you if that's free like that would have been cool i don't i wish i could have done that pay no money for the first two years and then the two years that matter for your major then pay a little bit of money i have two friends that have gone back to extra jobs to help their children go back to school i have one friend that

i spoke to the other day and i'm like where are you at he goes i didn't tell you i got a second job at night and i'm like you're 56 years old you have a day job then you go work in a freezer at night in the warehouse as a supervisor but you have to be in this fucking cold weather all night year round and then i have another friend who is son default on a loan 100 grand 150 grand he owned penn state so my friend had to go out of her time and get a job he's he's planning on paying the debts it's gonna take him three years to pay the fucking college debt so it's uh tough out there for a fucking pimp brand i understand that colleges need to make money it'd probably cost a lot of money to run a college but at a certain point it seems like it's it's gonna be ridiculous do you

think that the education that you get at penn state is any different than the education that you get at valley community college or is it what the student does with that education it's what it's what the students allowed to do because going into uh the only the only thing that ever mattered on my resume when it could be you've talked about it saying that no one ever asked me yeah it just shocks me i'm just ashamed the only thing that matters is like a stamp on a passport so the only reason to go to penn state first some things then colleges do have special things are good at but for most degrees or from the most part if you went to like let's use a state school like umass versus boston university university of boston be you boston university there's not

really much of a difference probably it's just where the name brand of the college i don't know it fucking scares the shit out of me anyway i love you mother fuckers thank you uh for the great week and podcast i want to thank my wife i want to thank lee i want to thank you guys for really staying on me i'm calling my daughter you guys made me all brand new with this uh this gives me a second that's one less thing i gotta fucking worry about and uh like i said we're not fans of nobody here we're a fucking family we're a network and we scratch each other's back and you guys elevated me to get the balls to do it so it's not a one-way street thank you very much for the church and thank you for eating the stars and thank anarchy and let me thank some

fucking sponsors here my main mother fuckers over and on and always making it happen i heard uh a great rumor about on that i can't release it to you people but they're definitely fucking winners they did that test on alpha brain and uh on it's the real deal joe and i will laugh on the phone the other day about my blood type and i go listen i know there's thc and i know this fucking shroom tech sports i got no steroids in my fucking blood there was nothing on it is that fucking good man uh today i rolled around jujitsu i went down to unleash with david and i went crazy with him down there and i couldn't believe how much more energy i'm getting from the shroom tech it works man i'm really in fucking shock go to honor dot com just go to the website and see

all the things they have to offer you i can't get you a deal on the fucking jumping up in the ropes and all that stuff but on minerals you got 10 off coming from me go to the on it go to the box and fill in what brother church church ch u r ch you get 10 off your first order definitely looking to stay on it where you get everything delivered right to your fucking house no must no also ian dragon tv my main motherfucker dave holy over there making a beautiful fucking roku channel for you motherfuckers if you're into classic martial arts stop fucking around this is the roku channel for you and what i'm gonna do for you if you go to roku tonight if you go to ian dragon tv dot com i'm gonna give you two free motherfucking rentals when they

press the box joey joey joey y gets pressed in the motherfucking box and you get two free rentals classic kung fu films you can't fucking beat them also your underwear how much longer you don't look at these fucking things with skid marks and moth marks and little holes you filthy motherfuckers then you get worried when the chick dumps you it all starts in the fucking inside out motherfuckers go to me on these dot com tremendous women and men underwears they fit tight to ergonomics they're they're comfortable today i wore those old cotton white ones to jiu jitsu my nutsack was popping out as dave i'm call off he's like put your knuckle away not with that don't happen with me on these my shits tight my nutsack stays and everything stays ventilated do me a favor go to

me on these dot com right now i look at the selection of women's and men's underwear they have they also have t-shirts they have fucking i wore my beyond these t-shirts to jiu jitsu today they have some great stuff sweatpants comfortable as fuck and at this point you get free shipping correct in the united states in canada you get 20% off don't believe me go to me on these dot com see what you want go to the box and press in joey joey joey y and get 20 for 20% off your first order with free motherfucking shipping that's beyond these also we all like something for free how you don't do especially when you're stoned to the gills somebody brings you some metallic bread with a stick of butter who's better than you right fuck all that shit i got

something better for you and healthier nature box dot com and right now nature box will give you a free fucking sampler three little bags two big bags delivered right the house it's gonna cost you how much a dollar 97 for shipping shipping your mother fuckers been complaining lately oh it's not free what the fuck they're gonna change your fucking they're gonna give you five free bags of stuff worth over 30 dollars you're gonna pay a dollar stop being a fucking cry baby little fucking fact go the fuck the fuck you laughing about go to nature box dot com today you can get your free sample box sent right the house delivered and that's how they do it first Joey every mother fucking month so stop fucking around go to me on these what is it what the fuck am i talking about

go to nature box dot com right now get your free sample back go to nature box dot com and press in Joey Joey and get 10% off your first order right no free no free fucking free what am i talking about you got me all confused with your fucking you know the giggle like that fucking dude go to me on these dot com well go to nature box dot com right now and get your free mother fucking box of goodies right sent to your house right to your door every month nutritious delicious nutritional poop snacks the rocking motherfucking world again i want to thank on it iron dragon tv beyond these dot com and nature box dot com do you guys see what's unfolding in front of your of your eyes people huh do you see what's unfolding in front of your eyes with this tracing Morgan thing what happened

they let him perform at the uh at the uh the 48th anniversary of the thing they said he's not that good a shape i guarantee trace you want to go out but he's got jew attorneys i said if you show up there wal-mart bill will be watching and they're gonna fucking uh don't they'll use that against you when you go to court that's an old jew trick so that he was okay enough to go on the show or so yeah they'll say you okay to walk on the show because he said i'll never be able to perform ever again that's to get a big number don't do the times what were you making a year three million how old are you i'm 48 years old he still had 22 years of two million a fucking year you're following you understand how jews work brother i'm just trying to teach you

motherfucking little fucking jewish mentality yeah so that's how it's done so just tracing morgan's okay i mean he's fucked up but wal-mart's going in heavy and so is tracing morgan tracing morgan gotta go in heavy i didn't know he was no i didn't know he didn't perform i thought he was there i i i have no i don't i didn't watch it and i'd never really watched us i know they said they had a tribute to him but i wasn't uh you know that's an old guy no it wasn't good when i was young oh okay all right no worries i never my parents with my mom really liked it you're looking good brother i'm happy we had a good time on the podcast it's fun and we all learned something about fucking life all right cocksucker stay black have a great weekend i'm gonna be at the

cracker's comedy next weekend in indianapolis and the weekend after that i'm gonna be in motherfucking hilarities in cleveland ohio i'm going back to the oh so if you're in a local area come on by and see me besides that i'd like to thank on it ian dragon tv me on these dot com and nature box i don't want to thank you guys for listening today have a great weekend stay black remember uncle joey loves you now that the show's over don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels go to naturebox.com slash joey that's naturebox.com slash joey go to me on these dot com and check out the picks of all the different

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You kill the blade like dynamite Deliverin' the guns Deliverin' the guns Shake down, rockin' boys Crack down when you strike me Wall spray, where it weighs Vitalize it, now I bite it in Feelin' your heart

All across the land Hot blood, doin' good We're gonna load it with our strength You better watch out, you're holding on to fire Refillin' the blade like dynamite Deliverin' the guns Deliverin' the guns Deliverin' the guns

I don't know about just the game Where the crunch is loud To do more stands, to do more pain You can look, before it held enough And all I know, gonna kill it again, again We're faced with shit, too sufficient To slow your mind, as well as surrender You've got to learn and listen

Just like ain't nobody here on the river Deliverin' the gun To see that you're gonna win Burn, go ahead You know that you're gonna win We're gonna load it with our strength You better watch out, you're holding on to fire Refillin' the blade like dynamite

Deliverin' the guns You better watch out, you're holding on to fire Refillin' the blade like dynamite Deliverin' the guns Deliverin' the guns