Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #261 - Greg Proops, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 3, 2015

Greg Proops, Comedian and Host of The Smartest Man In The World Podcast, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Todo Tiene Su Final - Hector Lavoe Recorded on 03/02/2015

This show is brought to you by onit.com What do you say sorry nothing i said i was shit The show is brought to you by onit.com go to onit.com and use code word church to get 10 off of your order Of all the great optimization products like alpha brand new mood shumtech immune shumtech sport Go to iron dragon tv.com and use code word joey to get two free rentals of all the great martial arts movies They also have onit videos They have a lot of great programming for you and they're always adding more And they're going to start having 4k technology very soon and they don't already don't have it. They have jacky chan movies

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It's your type of night people monday March 2nd The day the devil was buried at sea Lisa yad Greg proofs It's going down Oh

Kick it luke. Take that fucking horse You got a new sound system. I'm over here deaf. You can't hear it. I hear it You know Like i'm on an airplane I thought you got one good job. I want them to be able to hear you. I don't want nobody hearing me I want them to hear fucking Peter Gabriel in the savage Bring your new sky back All you do is

What's up, buddy? How much just I don't know why you gave me edibles. Just don't worry about it. It's just a bump in the fucking road That's why it's monday. It's a beautiful day. You should have had one this morning for breakfast But you eluded me all day. I need to elude you. Lisa yad great proofs in the house. What's up? Sexy motherfucker. Hello joey. Everything's groovy man. Always a pleasure to see you Excuse me. It's lovely to be here. You're a beautiful man Lisa yad how was the weekend in florida talk to me? It was good. It's just uh

I'm as i'm getting older. It's interacting to see your parents as Like when you're young you see them as like, I don't know one of these words superheroes But they seem like adults and they know it and now that we're i'm getting older It's just he's just a guy and it was fun. We went and got a steak. We went to italian food We went to see a movie. It was a good time. You didn't smoke a number with him. See no That's what that father son bonding is all about Smoking a number going fishing I just found out that I actually brought a joint one of the

Pre-rolled joint joints you gave me was in the bottom of my backpack I kept wondering why it was stinking like weed and I looked but it was hit It was like in a hidden Little corner and I flew twice with it. So thanks for that. There you go. And did they should have burned it when you were there That's right. Did they arrest you? No, they didn't arrest you. See what I'm saying. See what you learn sometimes when you forget something's in a bag That happened to me one time too. So what are you gonna do? He's just They're having your great proofs. Well, you know what they say only users lose drugs and yes

I've lost them before on my person in my car anywhere you can imagine Somebody says they got robbed like they robbed shit out of luggage. Well, probably do every once in a while I don't think there's much supervision over the baggage kind of the airport. I know they had scams a couple years ago airports like that That's it. So Florida was good. You get you go swimming or anything No, you know you to put your bikini on and jump in the fucking ocean nothing No, you didn't put no number two on and walk and get some sun tan pools always empty. It's hysterical It's a it's a retirement village of the bold juice. I don't go to the pool and how far from the pool 20 minute walk how far from the beach

I don't know. Did you even see the ocean? No, fuck. No. Why would you even go look at the ocean? You're allergic to the fucking board, aren't you? All the places your girlfriend wants to go to adventure. You don't go down to the beach ever No, not really really. You don't like the beach at all. You used to go to the beach right? You used to go to uh, uh, Malibu a lot. Yeah. Yeah, but then mercy gets car sick my daughter gets car sick. She's two So I can't do dick till the car sickness, right? You have children. Yes, you do. I don't know. No, no, no, I know of as you know women are sneaky That's right. You never know. See what I sold went to some koreans and 50 bucks

What's up, great proof you fucking savage? Uh, nothing man. Everything, uh, the shit's burning I got a book coming out. I got a the video that we were talking about. Uh, I'm on the road Um, well who's line shooting again? Well, and uh, so yeah, abc is rich. No, it's on the cw No, so you have to be a I don't know 13 14 To know what the network exists. There you go. Yeah, at least you're working, brother Yeah, man, a lot of fucking people a lot of work a lot of people crying I get a call every three days. Hey, you've been going on auditions lately. No, that's why I do a podcast I don't have to worry about fucking auditions. No more going out and worrying and

Some guy called me a day. You want to come in for a movie on sunday? Not really. Yeah Not really. I mean, I didn't even think about it, but not really and it was good because you're you're I got delayed how I got delayed like a motherfucker. Oh, so you couldn't have gotten there anyway I wouldn't have gone anyway, but I got to the airport at 10 to 6 In the morning and the plane didn't take off till 305. Yeah Luckily, I had three stars of debt these fucking debts I popped two of them on the way into the airport and I popped one going through security

By 12 o'clock. I was on fire sizzling because I ate them on an empty stomach Basically, I ate them like 20 minutes before anything even existed in my stomach. My stomach gobbled those fucking things up Tremendously fucked up Lee. You understand me. I was thinking about you You're sitting there all celibate on the couch looking at the fucking ceiling cocked second I don't think floor is that cool with the weed? It doesn't matter. You're the captain Kirk. You're the price You're not gonna smoke weak as flying cool with it, but they sell oxy cops in harrowing and fucking scams and uh

You know, what are you worried about? My dad lives in a retirement village where they're perfect They don't let people park on the side of the street. That's perfect. That's even better. What that's even better You go out to the balcony you take three or four no one would even notice you really believe I mean, what is wrong? What we gotta do here? The parents of an entire community they're 80 years old 70 years old if they sniff weed You might save their fucking lives for an extra two years Did you ever think about that you might save their lives? You never know. Lee. It's it's fucking excitement for people Yeah, this they got them. Do you want to end up in a retirement community? No, do you Lee? No, okay then then think about

smelling weed like sitting there outside looking at the trees thinking when the fucking am I gonna die And all of a sudden you just get a blast of reefer out there. Are you gonna die 9-1-1? You're gonna go holy shit. Remember when I used to smoke weed? I went to see on the waterfront and I went to Maybe I should go get some fucking reefer. That's right I think I go to the bank account and pull 20 dollars on and call their grandchildren to get some fucking weed center You could have saved somebody old and I told you that before you left to go weed I go Lee are you bringing a edible for your dad? Oh, no I gotta travel bring them something you could have both ate an edible and giggle

I bet you both sat there and looked at each other for five days like two moves You didn't go to the beach or not. You didn't go swimming. No, you looked at those bagels. You caught them in half I tell you to bring a little reefer from he's a good guy. Dicky side. Yeah, he loves reefer. Sure. What'd you do? He have any no, what the fuck did you ask him? No, I mean he I don't know. He's like 60 something years old Are we all he ate an edible when he was here like nothing Lee? Well, that's because you give it two or three of them He always feels bad. He always says to me Uh, I always feel bad when I see joey because I don't get to say anything Because you're always getting so fucked up that he can't even speak. Oh, please. He loves it

He smoked the river the one time one time we little joined up and it was like he hadn't smoked the joint in 30 years He just started taking pumps it but he forgets it something 1960 no more And the weed's crippling the weed is crippling Fucking guy you gonna see it dad. You don't bring him you don't bring him a t-shirt a hat nothing He has a couple my he's my he has my t-shirts. All right. I'm just checking You said I got to deal with great guys Florida doesn't smoke a number with his dad It's so it's cool that you uh tour with whose line my brother and I used to watch that all the time

You can still watch it. It's still on Thank you for watching it when you did now what was first stand-up or improv Uh, I was a stand-up comic and uh, you know high school or whatnot and then uh You know just terrible shit and then in phoenix. No, no, I'm from uh, st. Carlos, california. I was born in phoenix but I always lived in california and uh Then I joined a improv group in college and that's where I learned like 1979 And so that's what I learned to do improv and then after that I did stand-up again

And then I was in an improv group and then it's sort of been both now improv What's the big famous one out of chicago second city and that's the long form Well, though, do they do sketches on long form? I think their main stage shows sketches some that are classics and some that are written and then they write sketches And then they do improv in between and stuff like that. And what's the long form people have always spoken to me about that Long form is like there's a bunch of different Formats for long form and uh, it's not something I do a lot. I have done it. You can do musicals. You can do shakes beers You can do novels. There's one group that does improvising mysteries. You know one group does jane austin

books And second city probably does their own one UCB does one called ask cat where you tell a story and then they come out and do these long story You know improv's about it Which is that one's really fun because you tell the story you don't have to get up and improvise And then they get up and improvise what happened. Um, but I and the whose line group we just do We just You know short improv is like we do on tv and we bring the audience up and all that we have music

It's like a rock show We hit the stage running Now the that's a lot of energy the theater you went to in northern california was i'm sorry Oh, in san francisco, we were up in god where were we we were in chico And then we played the like wells fargo center in santa rosa or something. We played barin But was that any of the type of like improv they do here no groundings. What's the lady at chicago? She's a famous All those people she invented the long form. Oh viola spoiling viola spoiling and then keith johnstone

Those are the two big improv gurus and then del I guess since chicago and stuff. No, I never went to a class I learned from the other kids. I never went to groundings. I never went to Uh war babies or whatever just said fucking old school. Well, I mean i got a ITT tech here I got taught by the other kids So I didn't feel like I had to go to class after that also. I remember this is how it happened I went to see it There was a cantina in my dormitory and they didn't have booze They had like cookies and whatnot and they had an improv group there

So I went down and they called someone out of the audience and and so I went I'm fucking going next week because I can fucking do this as good as them So it's not in the front row and they went can we get someone out of the audience? We're gonna do audience spot and I jumped up and I did a sketch of the guy and the next day I was playing pinball Let's give you an idea of how long ago it was in the student union and uh His name was read raulman and he came up to me and he said you want to be in my group And so I joined the improv group there

And then they taught me how to play all the games and uh, that was that you never did any improv joy I thought about it. I went to the place on hollywood for a few months But there was nothing nothing ever really opened up. I took like sketch writing right I was always interested in the outlay of sketch when they first opened improv olympic. I took that I think I took two semesters of it and then A lot of the schools are waiting, you know, they get money out of people and then they move you up to this stage And that stage there's the second, you know, there's hierarchy within it Uh, and I avoided all of that and then I got lucky because whose line

The producers came to san francisco and I got right on that and then I hadn't probably done improv in about three or four years When I got on his line That stuff has always been very interesting to me. Well, you're the one uh a young a young guy will or a woman will move out here after college and go to groundlings or Improv olympic and give them thousands of dollars And take those little levels of their comedy courses and the breathing and the whole fucking schmack and the I don't know where the end is like. I don't know

There's a graduation now. What happens after the graduation for sketch. I don't know That's the thing you go You're sent into the vast pool of actors here in LA to fucking make your way and do whatever right a sketch or I mean, not that there isn't a lot of successful improv people obviously right now This the saturday night live and all the sitcoms are dominated with like amy polo and all of them They're all from improv background. Stephen Colbert Tina Fey whatnot And all the younger guys too. I think all went through improv

So it's a good way to learn to do sketch and all that jazz. I just feel like I don't like hierarchy I don't like rules. I don't like fucking authority at all. And so for me, that's what the appeal of stand-up was at the beginning When I was a teenager I got treated like a grown-up I got to smoke and drink in the bars with people and no one asked your fucking age as long as you could do it So I thought there was a certain egalitarian democracy to comedy You didn't have to have a degree. You didn't have to be from fucking harvard. You didn't have to have connections as long as you carried on being Funny, you were gonna get a job

And uh, and the improv kind of happened for me that way and like I said, I got very lucky and got on What are the chances of getting on the only improv show in the world at that point? and I did it for 14 years and then we they brought it back like two years ago, which is out of control the same Fucking show after 14 years, you know It was on abc for 14 years It was on british tv for 10 years abc for four years And we stopped in like I don't know 2003-2004 and then they brought it back like two years ago in the wcw

So you have you also live in 25 years. I've been doing the show Oh my god, but I only do, you know, we only shoot one or two days. I never put a whole year in I didn't have to go every week There was none of that It was better than doing a tv series because you didn't have to have I've been off the mic too far the whole time No, they can hear you. Okay, uh You don't have to show up every day You move very fortunate. There's a lot of guys Very fortunate

Or an LA that uh, of course, I'm immortally talented. So that's part of it. Well, that's part of it And it's also scandalous how poor I am considering how marvelous I am So absolutely because you know, maybe you don't beat to the drum that they want you to beat to No So you you never know. I mean you never know what it could be, but I've always looked at you one of those guys that you're first off. I never believed In a stand-up that just did stand up when a guy tries to be revolutionary And say i'ma stand up that shit has always shot me off

Because I had that attitude for like two weeks till I moved here And then you realize that that stand-up shit goes out the window people want to talk to you about this and this and that So I always respected that somebody who could write and do something different when I saw you at the improv many years ago You know Whatever you made me laugh. I liked how you always dressed on stage. It was impeccable I'm a fat fuck so soup soup never you One of the first guys, you know, we all see uh, lennie bruce. Yeah, 52. We all see richard prior We all see

You know, I lowered myself down. That's why we all see eddie murphy. Yeah, and we see uh A rodney danger field special. I don't know that special. I see a guy named lennie clark Who comes out with a gorgeous suit? Tailor made maybe for that night. He borrowed the 800 from his cousins But you could see how the suit fits It just has a weird look to how it fits, you know And when you wear a suit, it looks like a fucking suit and I've always my dad had that my uh My my biological father had that look when a suit my mom said he could wear a fucking $10 suit. Right. It's just uh

So uh, and then I saw you on the cb show and I watched a few times, you know I mean, it's not who the fuck is home at that time. Yeah, you know, show me a comedian that you know, you're out When I first moved here, you're out every night of the week. Yeah, you're working all the time Your home sunday, maybe maybe in those days if they didn't give you a spot But you went to the store at least and tried to get up a fake to funk. Yeah, you know, uh So whenever I never knew when I moved to LA I had him watch tv Maybe seven years before that. No, of course. You're busy. I did not know who was on top at sports anymore I moved to LA in 97

I had watched a 94 or 95 mba playoffs because the houston Rockets or an upper besides that That's when I got absorbed with commie like that's 60 year in comedy and I lost touch with everything health You know, I had a toothache fucking it went for a year. Yeah, you know, all your focus is coming to LA and just trying to getting that niche and uh But the bottom line is I saw you on this tv show and I was like that's Amazing that this guy gets is able to do this Stand up and then I saw you at different places. I had to be uh houston

Yeah, and I've always believed in that. I always think that your life is more exciting like I gotta take this show now for three weeks And then you stay home for a week and a half. I gotta do stand up now for two weeks Then you might shoot a tv show for three weeks Then you have two weeks or but it's not that same fucking grind every week Of having to deal with club owners and selling tickets The shitty weather and whether or not there's a state fair Yeah, no shit

That's the that's the only part that's a grind. I mean out of mind, you know I would do anything not to work in an office or have to have a real job and uh, but sometimes the late night show you're like, uh Or when everybody's drunk or you know, you're like Sometimes it's work When you when it's going good, it doesn't feel like work at all But as someone said, it's not the hour you're on stage. It's the other 23 hours of the day. You're traveling You're going on the radio. Whatever you're doing. You're being paid to just kind of cart your ass around and Generally be funny by fucking saturday. What do you feel like by saturday at three in the afternoon?

Sometimes, uh, I want to just burn one and not do anything Or I'll go I'd give anything not to go on tonight and then other times I'm like I've got to get on because I got all this new stuff and you know, you're inspired And then if it goes well, you're like way too inspired for the second show and then everybody's drunken doesn't care anymore and then you got to do all your old shit because It works at that point. Yeah, and then you just go look I'm just gonna get through this I feel now, but I'm generally inspired because I have a podcast every week Every club I go to the podcast is either the first night. You know, it's in there somewhere. So

That makes me You know, and then I'm constantly on it because you got to get your shit together for the podcast How did you find The clubs were when you said you wanted to bring a podcast because we've done A bunch of podcasts live but mostly in the LA area And we've encountered a lot of clubs They don't know they think it's stand up or they don't want to do it And if you're doing it every week or every week that you're out

Is it has it been a battle trying to get them to do it a little bit? It was more a couple years ago It's a little less now. Um, the first time I went to uh, good nights in raleigh They had no idea what it was the first time I did it in zanes in Chicago. That is literally didn't know what it was Uh, cleveland the same thing a couple years ago. I did one there and there the woman on the phone goes What's a podcast? I go you've heard of john rogan. You've heard of mark maren. She goes. Yeah, I'm like, well, they're really popular Because of podcasts and then you bring in your you know, I bring my zoom if they can't record it I have a little zoom recorder when we plug it into the thing and do it So it's a one-man band, you know

But yeah, they do they're resistant because they think stand-ups the only way to have comedy But these are the same people who think that putting an ad in a newspaper is going to get people down to the club You know, like they're they're caught in a kind of melt a little bit of an antique model if it were if you know, I think you Television doesn't if you do morning television, I don't know that it gets in anyone into the club You know what I mean? You do it anyway because you got to do it But I think the podcasts do more to get people in the club than anything else And also the people that come to the podcast are there for you

There's maybe 10 people that don't know why they're there. Whereas at a stand-up show If it's saturday night, and there's a lot of bachelorette parties or bachelor parties It might there might be 50 60 100 people that have no idea why they're there They're just one out to drink and you're helping to be on so do they like you? Do they not like you if you're lucky everybody knows you You know what I mean? I'm not at the superstar level where I walk in and I mean with who's live It's different because those are theaters and everybody goes mad because they're all there to see Ryan Styles and you know all that jazz and so those shows are just

It's up to you to fuck that up. You know what I mean? That's then you just go on and just try to hit it as hard as you can and be funny When you go on the road with these guys, do you have like an audition at five and no like a No, you motherfuckers go No warm-up. We drink we drink before. Yeah, that's what I was looking at. We drink vodka. Yeah We they used to drink whiskey a lot more but now it's almost everyone's on vodka Joel Murray drinks whiskey I drink vodka and Jeff and Ryan drink vodka When I first

You get loose and then you fuck. Yeah. No, I'm with I see that when I first saw improv was a troupe out of Denver with Jeff Harms and This is back when I started counting 91 and I always thought it was very neat I just didn't know what else to do to pursue it. I had my hands full of divorce and blah blah blah And then when I moved to LA when I went on a date with a girlfriend and we went over to some place on La Brea, maybe. Yeah, actually her girlfriend Wasn't one of the things and I watched it. I always felt so when improv olympic opened. I won, you know

I've watched it on Saturday Night Live but the sketches Maybe another word maybe a funny scene, you know Something but then there's what what what your show does and that's just a different Well, we go a million miles an hour. That's that's that's completely when you when people join the cast and they've put a few new people in the last couple years It's they're all very good improvisers. So they jump right in but There's been people they've stuffed in that, you know, like you're like, wow, this is a shark tank. We're not mean. We're all supportive But when someone new is in there, man, we you know

The joke comes in the first two seconds, you know, they if they go, uh, you know, joey, uh, you're you know, you You're you're angry at your x y you're the weatherman and you're angry at your x y if an in comes a cat And you you know, like they write the whole scenario. So you have to play it out So there's no going like, um, yeah, let me set the scene here Because it's television and so we just go miles an hour and uh, and ryan and collin and wainard is, you know Fucking tremendous. We throw the ball as I said, we we pass the ball like the showtime lakers No one looks over their shoulder. Everybody just shoots the ball back And because you know, the other person's got it and it's gonna go and and probably has more energy and more direction than you

That's the scary part. They're all really focused. So That part makes it fun. Um And we also I've known these guys for a hundred years, you know, how often do you get the question? Is it fake or is it? Not so much in the world or is to get it more People go, how can you do it? And it's like, how can a surgeon perform surgery? I can't do that because he because he went to school for eight years You know, like I've done it a lot. That's how we can do it. How can you get up and do stand-up? I think what people are most

Freaked out by is the idea of being on stage and not having a script or being on stage and not having anything to say there They think they'll blank But if it's something you want to do and you're a complete ham and you're lazy and you don't want to learn lines Then it's the ultimate comedy because you don't have to learn lines But there's no safety there and that's what you're attracted to. That's why I like that's why I like it And that's why I like it. That's what I do in my podcast too I I improvise a lot of the podcasts as much as I possibly can and When I'm getting stale is when I know when I'm repeating the same stories over and over and when when it's good

I go off on a flight, you know in some kind of Crazy imagination, you know, try to be fucking colorful and funny and poetic and weird and and not playing to expectations I find if I make a mistake I follow the mistake, you know Like I fuck up a word or something I'll repeat the word like a thousand times and try to make it into something else and I don't know. I this is a very pretentious quote, but it's true Leonard Cohen said Cracks are where the light shines through, right? So you think you have with stand up But you want it you want to get up there and you want to do it the way you want it to be written

You want it to present it with uh, the podcast If something happens or someone tells me something or I think of something or someone gives me something and it keys me into it I'll follow that. Yeah, you have to go And not and there goes the script. No, no, no, no, and so that's how I like to play and like the you have you've done the set list Prevents us. Yes. Yes. See. I love that because they're throwing things at you. And so it's up to you to You know, whatever you're gonna do with it. I think they caught me and shocked the first time. Yeah, I bet man Shock shock. Were you able to get through it?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal when I first started comedy For some reason I just improvised. It was Tuesday nights in Boulder I started I started in Denver, but I went up. I developed in Boulder and it was uh steak and comedy night So for 1495 you got a steak and a comedian. Okay, or you? No, no two comics real good comics triple booked them and it was in those days. It was funny Years later. I've seen these guys still working on the road or out here and uh Uh, and that's so after the third week you couldn't do the same material. It was the same

60 fucking months who came in to eat the steak and my goal in those days was just to get them to look up from the steak Yeah After the third week I bombed and I kept bombing so I gotta do something different So sometimes I would open up dancing to music And in those days I would go, you know what? Forget about laughter If I could get them to book that fucking fork, right? If I could just strike a nerve And that's all I would do but I would improvise When I wanted to move forward and stand up especially in Denver and the clubs

They didn't go for that when I was in new york city developing That's new york style. What's going on? What do you do for a living? Blah blah blah. We can attack it Once I moved to LA It wasn't shunned upon But it was secretly told not no no don't work the crowd right don't work the crowd It wasn't shunned upon Do your material Right don't even fuck around so I stopped doing it. I stopped doing it

Right So here uh and and don't get me wrong This time as I go on stage and the comic in front of me says something you take the fucking ride This nine out of ten times. I'm going on stage with a list not even a list of a route I'm going up on stage with a route and I realized I haven't even touched that route that I went off on something else and we Will go with me a lot of times and he'll go you never talked about that bit and I don't know We just did that shit tonight. That was all fresh. Oh my god. Yeah, because it was just I like that style Me too. It's my favorite. I can't that shit are the same thing

When I first got into comedy I saw what's his name from boston I had never so I'd stand up comedy before I always heard in the albums And I went to see some guy from boston stephen right stephen right and then the next year I went again I paid for the ticket this time. I hated the same right all the same chunks and I left there I'll never forget going if I ever Stand up was never even I was a criminal back right and I'm gonna go and if I was ever stand up I would fucking write new material at least Because I know stand up is based off something happening in your life or something happening in front of you, you know

So I I always made that mental note And that's why now you've never seen me do the same set twice. Well, that's nice I repeat stuff and I'd bring back golden oldies and some things go in and out of rotation You have to write no no no that yes, but I'm not gonna go up there and start a to z explicitly every night No, that's too boring and when they come to see you the third year in a row they look at themselves and go He's always doing the cornflakes routine. Oh my god. He hasn't even added a line to it. That's a complete stand up comedy Yeah, you gotta have lines. You gotta change the routine. That's the one that fucking is always

Killed me. I might as well go up on stage and improvise If I know you're gonna see me now in a 45 minute set. There's usually four or five bits If I bring two of them up that you've seen before and I improvise the rest I understand that But to come up with the same material the same style The same way I had done it the year before that's never gonna happen. That's never happened in my fucking world. So What's interesting with you Joe you'll For example, you had a bit about your cat dying That that you did what did under the cd

But then You use a little piece of it to get into new stuff a lot recently Like you just do it, but it's not the whole the whole bit. Do you think people realize that or do you think they go? Oh, he's just doing old stuff Do you think they see the difference some people say he's doing old stuff? But some people say listen when you go see the fucking Beatles When you I'm not saying the Beatles. Okay. I'm sorry to use that Stones, uh, no any band they're gonna do the same songs, you know, you want to hear three of their

What you think are their favorite songs. It's whatever the consumer thinks, you know, you know, you go see Black Sabbath you want to hear fucking sweet leaf and whatever the cocaine song. I don't know That's the thing sometimes people come up and go. Yeah, you didn't do that. You didn't do that Where's my bit man? I love the one you did about the thing and you're like, I haven't done that for seven years You know, I haven't done that in six years. I don't even know that right I don't remember it because and then when you try to remember stuff. Oh my god on stage with the light on you And you don't remember that happen to me That didn't happen to me a couple weeks ago. He was there

Lee, you need a little piece of star. No, I don't I could tell you know, I ain't that much. Oh my god I'm I'm having a little panic attack I've never had to switch the cameras before and I want to make sure I'm getting like who's on who's actually on talking Fucking beautiful. No, I'm on but like take a little piece of the star relax You need to I'm saying this love the mushroom. You're fine My insurance company's gonna use this video against me like oh, what fucking insurance. He did it to himself What insurance you look beautiful tonight? Oh my god. All right. Let's do it. My god. Why are you oh my god? Yeah, that's a little bit like it was literally

This big that was given to me by a patron in chicago Indianapolis. How nice. Okay. Okay. And we started talking about something very sharp guy Him and his buddy were there. We were talking some shit. We went inside. We spoke some more this Thursday night We exchanged candies. I gave him some t8c candy. He gave me some other stuff He had he goes, man, I got these mushrooms in the car. You gotta fucking try out. I said, all right, fine When I got off stage, we spoke some more but he went outside and hung out for a while And he went and had me goes give lee one and you eat two or whatever But I only gave lee house from all the pieces I give you. Oh my god. It was tiny And look at the little bugger, but it's like some lee the hospital

That's how I know it was strong because it was tiny. Do you love giving me stuff? So if it's small, it's gonna Say a little grenade. Captain Kirk of the enterprise. How am I gonna throw you to the wolves? You love throwing me to the wolves? I wouldn't trust him if I were you You're doing exactly the right thing lee follow your instincts Battle stations lee Battle stations. Thank god this is being recorded It's gonna happen. You got the will ready, right? No, I thought you said the wife made the will for you. Here you go

She made a will for herself for a class. Oh my god. It's a little piece. That's five milligrams He'll live so what else baby talking around? Uh, you know the book. What's the book? Oh, that's april May it comes out on may 5th. You can pre-order it now. Greggproofs.com Um, it's uh, I take me a freaking forever to write um because I'm lazy and I Drink too much and uh, so But I eventually got it done and it's called the smartest book in the world And it's all the junk I talk about on the podcast an eagerly baseball Um, you know, I got all-time baseball teams of all these different historical eras

This came out of the podcast like people would I take questions and people go, uh, who's your all-time roman emperor baseball team? And I go like well calligulus catching because he can handle balls and you know Augustus is at first and you know, this and this and that so there's like I think there's a greatest women of history one in kings and queens of England. There's a bit on how to steal arch Uh, it's it's pretty fun. Uh, so how much did uh, Whose line help because it sounds like it basically an improv? Um, well whose line helps in so much as you know, you're free to like imagine stuff and I'm not afraid to fail but uh Writing is a much different discipline. You know, you can't

You can't put it down on paper the way you can say it because otherwise It's like reading a transcript and I think that that's a little more arduous for a reader to read something That's like that has us and likes and pauses and you know, all that and that so I tried to write it like a You know, I want it to be funny. I've read it too many times You know what I mean now I had to submit it the other day and I've read it too many times So I don't find it. He'm using it all I can only say this to your Your dear listeners, but I guarantee you that it's funny if you haven't read it 18 times already and you didn't write it Then it's new to you. Um, I shouldn't have even said it's not funny anymore

But that's how I feel, you know, like I think it's funny, but you know what I mean? That's too familiar to me and then you start questioning Right, then I'm like, I should have written this part. What the fuck was I think? Well, I you know, I wanted to rewrite the whole book like a month before it had to be submitted and you know My editor's like no, you know, you don't read you It took you two years to fucking put the book together. Don't do it. So, uh, but it's funny. I think and my wife did the illustrations and uh Uh, I'm gonna do a book tour all over the United States and Europe and shit. So it should be really I'm really looking forward to it It gives me something to sell that I'm proud of, you know

What I mean like not that I'm not proud of my CDs and stuff But I would never bring a CD with me to sell. I'd rather you download it or whatever I used to give CDs away at the podcast, you know, because I couldn't be bothered to stand behind a table and shit But with the book I'll be selling the books at podcasts and stuff. So it's a whole other bag It's very much one on one and I talked to I talked to everybody in the audience before I do a podcast I go around the audience and shake hands and meet everyone there Um, and afterward talked to everybody as well And it's really worked out as far as like, you know, the connection between

That's what I mean about the difference between stand-up. There's no distance anymore with podcasting Used to be a little I thought stand-up was the closest you could get but I think podcasting is more intimate Because when people are listening to it, they're got earphones on or buds or they're In their kitchen or they're in their garden or whatever they're doing laying in the street You know chasing a unicorn whatever people do all their days. And so when I go to do the podcast, I try to make it Aimed at you, you know what I mean? Not a big general Thing that like I like the person who's listening to the podcast

Especially when it's live. Yeah, I like it to be Maybe 200 seats unless I don't like I try big horrible call and they they put us in big places and we learned our lesson twice. We learned that it's just It's got to be intimate It's got to be very intimate and it feels good when you're doing a podcast And it's fucking you're going back and forth with people in the audience Well, even just feels good, even if it's not a lot of seats Like the one place we did it was a huge building

And I've heard comics talk a lot on podcasts about how it needs to be a small room with low ceilings But it makes a humongous difference even being on stage in the podcast in the one place at the ice house where we do it and it's Right above the stage If you stand up, you're gonna hit your head and then at the other place we did it and it was a Basically like a warehouse. No, I don't like to I don't like the bigger room for the podcast I gotta be honest with you I don't like the bigger room even for stand-up. No

Me neither. It's not. I don't think it's the way Stand-up was I agree when I see a theater or I see a an arena I know sometimes when I go to a theater and I watch a comic I'm in town I go in and see louis black one right and or whatever I gotta say I can't hear I'm fucking old. I wouldn't turn to Jeff Me too. I am fucking deaf as a oh my god

And sometimes people talk to me and I just yes Because it doesn't matter. I don't want to say I can't hear you because I'm embarrassed. I go they say it And I can't hear him again. So it happened at the airport yesterday The lady was trying to talk and I couldn't fucking figure out which I hear something different I hear like And with the noise the more noise in the fucking room the bigger the room. I'm not gonna fucking hear you That's why you won't see me at a bar or a disc attack or whatever the fuck they call them clubs sitting there That's a lot of advantage. You've been there. I can't fucking hear you. I cannot fucking hear you

So if there's a big room and there's something going on, I can't fucking hear you Now also, I think like I agree with you and I think stand up I like I love the punchline in San Francisco because the back walls may be 20 yards from the stage, you know, I mean it's you everybody's up on everybody's up on you That way you can raise your eyebrow or take it down or say something softly or throw something away When you're in a giant theater, you gotta jump around It changes the temper

The tomb row, whatever it changes the tone of what you're doing Well, I toured England for like four years in the 90s and I played Decent sized theaters every once in a while a huge one, but mostly 250 300 But you have to pump it up. You got to pump it up. You can't come on and be You know, how's it going? I got in a new year's show years ago in San Francisco at the Palace of Fine Arts and I have to say I was pretty high when I did it but uh it was Maria Bamford and Todd Berry and uh and

They did fine, but it was a 1500 seat room And you know, so talent gets up and it goes like this, you know, and so everybody's kind of like, wow and uh, uh I get up there and I'm just you know Boom, you know, then then this and then this and running up and down the stage I think if if they're gonna give me a giant stage and a million people then I gotta jump around When you put it in a small space like Bar Lubitsch, I don't know if you ever go to Lubitsch

I do the podcast there a lot. It's fucking the smallest place in the world It's fantastic You can just throw one little thing away and it fucking lands it lands. You can't do that in a thousand seat room You can't you can't casually toss something off or or get a laugh with You know, it's interesting that you said the punch line in San Fran because a couple years ago you did Uh, whatever the what's a bigger club cops cops and the ceiling's really high right and he did cops and then You went back and did the punch line and just as someone from the outside you're like, oh, you can make more money at cops Probably because there's more people but you you just you don't you like the small play

It doesn't even matter about the money anymore Listen, I'm doing what I love And I gotta sit there and in a place that I like cops. Yeah, but it's too big for a guy like me It's just too big It's just too big I don't know what it is. I can't get my thing across. I can't make the facial stuff There's a lot of things that's lost When i'm in a smaller place, I sell a lot more if you're more confident

It's not about the money. It's about giving them the best show I could give them Either they pay the dollar or they pay the 1850 or they pay 27 22 with the fucking service charge Which we don't see so it really doesn't matter. I just want to give them the best show I could give them So I like 200 and under 225 is perfect if they're seated correctly 225 is beautiful 250 is beautiful, but I think anything after 275 You mentioned the helium clubs the helium clubs are doing it correctly That guy is not a fucking gov own. He does not eat with fucking three eyes

He has And he knows his fucking market Okay, you know, he's in Philly. He's in a huge fucking market in Philly, but what's he seat that 275 300, right? That's all you need in the fucking showroom. He could be a fucking sad savage and put 550 in there And uh, then what do you do on the weekend? You know, what do you do? It's savagery guys. It's really savagery. You know when I see those old You know Richard Pryor old George Collins. I like the the intimacy of the small room

I saw a letty brueston when I like that's a theater though. Oh, that is when he's reading out from the That's the hungry eyes, isn't it? Is it really? It's like a little club Up on Broadway in San Francisco Come on the one that the movie that the black and white movie where you get transcripts. Yeah, I think that's a hungry eye Oh my god, say see it's toward the end anytime, you know small short ceiling is imperative and uh You know, I don't want them all over me, but I do want to be up close to the man

So do I I want to be able to see them and also like, you know, we're comics I want them to smell my fart if I fart, right? That's what I'm always thinking I swear to god not in a rude way But I'm thinking if I fart and I they people six people around them One of them is gonna look at the other guy and go who the fuck right now not knowing it was to me I like that. I really like that. Not that I'm gonna fart. I'm just saying you might fart I might how you feeling brother? Not good. Well, I mean good. You don't feel a mushroom. They ain't doing nothing. They ain't doing nothing. You stop

You don't find so someone sent me a picture that you tweeted about it. So yeah, I'm feeling it Are there rainbows and waterfalls coursing through your mind? There's no there's not rainbows and waterfalls, but every time the camera switches it like goes off and Little little bits of the video, but it's it's interesting. Are you switching it or is it switching itself? No, I'm doing it Well, you're doing a damn fine job. I'm trying now these mushrooms are doing the trick this little piss Yeah, they got me too for a couple minutes They got me too. They don't have me fucking giggling, stirring me in the neck like I got lee over there How I'm gonna take you guys to figure out

What you liked and what you didn't like like to take 10 years or Because I would imagine now when you walk into a comedy club, you know, if you're gonna if it's gonna be a good place to do a show Well, I mean, you know before you go when they offer you a place I always go online and look at who's playing there and if I see that it's people that I like Then I'm in the ballpark if it people I don't like or I don't know them or I think they're hacks or They're hillbillies or whatever you do that Joey all the time It's the first thing you do if you haven't played a room That's the first thing I do because you got to see who's there if I see

Jen Kirkman and you know Baron Vaughan, you know, if I see people that are funny and great I go. Yes, I'll go and hip you want to see a press. I want to see chris hardwood can dug benson's names there I don't want to see you know, hacky mcsnacky and then stretch the mountain man and Juggling twins and magic and this and that I have like two comedians if I see them in a room I don't one is dust and diamond Right, so this I see dust and diamonds name on the schedule. You know what's going on? I get off the schedule Jimmy Walker, I get off the schedule

There's two or three others that I just go off the schedule because if they're if they're on that schedule I do not belong there No, I've made the mistake a few times and played a few clubs where just you know, and you went wow And it's like greed can cost you your life as they say, you know, like you just don't you're unhappy the whole weekend Then I end up just being drunk on stage and raging So like if let's say a club you go to that club that that isn't for you What what's the bad stuff? Is it the owner? Is it the people who are going there? What what does it do? I think it's everything right sometimes it's the owner sometimes they're nice and the people who go aren't nice

Sometimes people are okay and the owner's not nice and You know, sometimes it's just it's it's a depressed place You know, you'll go to a place where there's no one's had a job in a hundred years and and And they they're met out and you know unhappy and you think I'm not for you You want someone else? But then other times it surprises you, you know people always go to me Do your material go over in the south? I'm like, yeah, guess what people in the south have read a book They're smart. They talk to each other. Everyone doesn't drive a truck around and it's not the dukes of hazard every second

You know, so I like going different places for that But yeah, you know, if they've got a lineup of really loud Guys that I don't think are funny. Then I get a little nervous that they're not gonna get the smart crowd in for me Uh, not that they require a smart crowd. I can play to anybody. I like blue collar crowds because they're not as fucking judgmental as bourgeois Crowds that think they know what's offensive You know, they're like, oh, they'll go. Oh, and you're like that wasn't even edgy, you know Do you watch the news? Do you live in the world? Let you know wait till I say something hideous before you go. Oh

That I I said, but I said I was talking about Rick Overson once and he said hip used to mean you were really open minded And could accept anything but it doesn't always mean that even hipsters have little parameters that they fall into I think sometimes Having said that, of course, I'd rather play to a hipster crowd like helium. I think it's kind of a groovy Yes, I was just thinking helium when I tell you that at the regular stand-up show Regular people come then have idea of the podcast Like in portland or wherever there's a million more hats. There's a million more tattoos There's a million more girls with beehive hairdos, you know, all of a sudden it gets a little groovier and um And then the then it goes good. I think that's happening at all the clubs. We're playing though

I think so too and I think it's the best thing that's happened in comedy in a million years Is the podcast thing is really pushed forward That comedy's fun and hip again Like it was when I first started doing it in the early 80s when no one knew what it was and and everybody just came And then it got kind of hacky in the like later 80s, you know Because the clubs were just filled no matter who was on and that didn't keep the quality up A lot of great guys came from that era obviously, but um There was a big winnowing when everything kind of slid for a while and that was healthy

I think and then the internet has made everything beautiful again Because people can listen to you on your phone You can make a video and put it on your website. You don't require a television station to be your Your mouth to the world you you you have people as long as they have a phone or a computer or No, a friend who does you're fucking in You don't have to be a famous tv or movie star to get people to come see you You know, it's it's fantastic and I think it's made it More democratic

We're able to do this in this room put it out thousands of people listen You weren't able to do that years ago. This would have been so much technology. There'd be big fucking tape recorders in here giant-ass mics and fucking Bakelight headphones really But it is it is interesting when because you've been doing the podcast for five years We figured close to you that when we see A lot of people are over producing them Our like we just got all this new equipment in

But it's still just me and and it's it's just to make the the little the experience better but there's not people Not not sound people not people fake laughing sitting watching it happen So it's it's it's almost sad when you see people Are they're jumping on the podcast bandwagon? But they're they just hired people from the tv production companies or the radio production companies and they're not doing Podcasts in the end. It's a what it's a conversation and that's what people are listening for And they're listening very closely as if they were on the telephone. That's how intimate it is

That's it. They want they just I've been telling me they want to spend time when they're in their car to a conversation That's all you're doing. Oh my god. What are these fucking people talking about? And they people write me and go like oh my commute's two hours I wish your podcast was longer or you know I'm listening to all of them back to back and you're like how can you do that? You know what I mean, but if you have a long commute or you have a long ride on the subway Or you take a bus somewhere or whatever the fuck it is It fills people's time with something they can think about and that they can participate in

As opposed to just being rattled off jokes to or a sitcom, which isn't very engaging sitcoms you turn your mind off and you hope that it's funny Unless they're superb or radio even anymore. Well radio is just blather and ads and then program music. I mean You know, gee will occurs you go on these fucking stations and they play either it's top 40 like Katy Perry junk or it's uh And not that she's junk, but you know what I mean like it's all auto crap that I hate or Or it's classic rock and it's music from when we were in high school And you're like people still want to hear Leonard Skinner and fucking Aerosmith You know, it's a thousand years later, man. I was listening to this when I was 17, you know, like

That's what classic rock is. Well, I know but like there's that's what's holding down radio. There's not You don't go to a radio station and it's the newest latest fucking bands that are underground. You know what I mean? It's not that vibe anymore. There's no money in it. Well, there's no money in it But but there is in on the internet new bands can put their shit on on the internet Absolutely and we can put our new stuff on the internet and stay as current as you fucking like as current is this minute And that's what makes it so vital Radio it for all it is isn't very current I used to say if it was on tv, it happened six months ago

You know And if it was if it's in the newspaper it happened a year ago, you know Plus tv's forced to lie and newspapers and radio are forced to lie because they're owned by giant corporations And the giant corporations pay the money and they're not going to let them get out of the comfort zone of the the corporate lives they have to fucking tell and The rich people that have to be satisfied by the numbers that come in and all that jazz whereas we Are unencumbered by maybe a couple of ads this and that but it's no one's telling us what to say And no one's to know we're not having meetings

And that's the beautiful part you you can smell a meeting when you watch a movie sometimes You go to a big watch a big comedy or a big fuck off blockbuster and you're like, okay They met over this costume. They met over how shorter skirt was going to be they met over this fucking scene You know what I mean? Like it just you can smell the corporate decisions and uh with podcasting it's there's uh Everyone's got their shtick, you know But honesty is the order of the fucking day for the most part in podcast And I think that's the biggest goddamn difference between comedy you'd see on tv in any era and comedy now

I'm not saying clubs or records that comics did weren't honest. They always were Um, but podcasting is as open but now it has to be very honest. Yeah, it's open up a giant new now You have people watching you people watching they're judging you by your words And I think you're bullshit. Yeah, they know it. They smell fucking bullshit. They smell it. They've been bullshit already Yeah, they've been bullshit at every minute because what do you use something like what is it? I don't know 5,000 10,000 ads a day everyone has to sit through on your phone and the tip whatever you're There's always ads coming at you and this is the one time for an hour where You don't have to fucking no emails from africa

No emails from africa cocksucker. I sent you on the other day by the way I I had all my money stolen and my credit cards too and I was hoping you could send me a couple hundred bucks I'm in uh tens in ea That's fucking crazy And it's amazing how they steal your friends Yeah, pop mail. Yeah, and your friend will send you a note and no I'm stuck and you're like, what the fuck then you call them and go. Hey, dog Are you really in africa? No, I'm in hollywood. Right. What's going on? Somebody stole your fucking email

Right an email from you that you're in africa and someone stole your credit cards I get those once a week. Do you really I used to get russian like, you know, like Potency ads every once in a while and you're like, who the fucking they're just out there Somebody died somebody died left you six million and you will. Oh, yeah, that's shit Contact me and somebody in russia left you six million. You know that type of shit Not my dad, but I I I met some of his friends and I met some friends of my aunt who's 92 And she kept telling me how obama was muslim and and so with all that stuff I worry about

Like 90 year old to get computers set up for them Well, the computer should expand their mind But I think people who believe one thing tend to run to the things that they believe No, but like what if what if my your grandma gets an email from you saying i'm in africa send me some money Well, right, there's a there's a total threat to old people being scammed all the time Uh, no, I agree with you on that But as far as politics go, if you're 92 and you believe that wow You would have thought you'd been around the block long enough that you wouldn't believe that kind of yeah

I just I just smiled and said, okay, I do I a muslim it wasn't even worth It wasn't even worth it. You're great. Probably our greatest muslim president. Let's be honest But the other muslim presidents work for shit It's hysterical when somebody old is losing their mind you know that they the the the sales pitch from the that and is so oriented around fear and Making you feel cost-ed and I think that's why they buy that shit, you know It's it's really a matter of making you feel comfortable with crappy belief systems and

You know, I mean, I don't think I have the answer on my show I'm always saying question everything you fucking here including me. I go. I have an agenda I have an agenda too So don't just swallow blindly But I go when you hear something on the news and they go controversial They said it was controversial. Maybe it was the real thing or uh, oh the protesters are out in the streets disrupting things Really? How about when the police shot them that disrupted things too? It's always, you know, there's agenda to everything and uh, some people just swallow shit blindly whole fucking, you know

They said on the news that the thing what did you hear to bring it record is america Right, and it's like they they fucking and now we have 82 news channels coming at them and radio stations So they don't even know what the fuck to believe and the cycle changes. What was important? Three weeks ago isn't important now. ISIS was important now. They're not important then they're important again Uh, uh, the the terror stocks in france are the biggest thing in the world for four days And then they're not important anymore, you know, but the situation carries on and like That that's the the stupid part of news that it's just a recapitulation of the you see the same video sometimes of an event Like 10 times 15 20 times the same fucking clip and you're like that's not news news is something you don't know

Not the same thing over and over again that and they don't want to tell the truth, you know But having said that joey I and Lee I think that uh Something I've noticed in the last few years is that that's broken down a little I can go on a radio show like a mainstream radio show And say the rich are on to the poor. That's what's wrong with this country The rich control everything and they control the media and that's why everybody perceives things the way they do And whereas years ago people would have gone. No, no, no, that's not how it is now people kind of go. Yeah, you're fucking right And I mean, I think the last election

For what it's worth, you know, when romney lost that was a real serious demonstration of like, here's a super rich billionaire guy Coming on with a billionaire's agenda I'm gonna cut medical care Gonna fucking make the poor fucking suffer when they caught him say that casual thing where he went people think they deserve food or whatever It was like, if you didn't understand what didn't he say they said they What was it? They think they're entitled to fucking food and air and whatnot and And then, you know, chainie came on at christmas and he went I torture again in a minute at christmas time And it's like if you want to know what the rich are doing, they're telling you what they're doing and it's controlling

And I think people are more aware of that now A lot of people reacted to like occupying shit like oh, they're just smelling students and shit like that And it was a much bigger more profound thing Not like when I don't know when I was little during the vietnam war But that was for real the country was it was a total civil war over young and old rich and poor People who wanted to fight in that fucking thing and people who didn't and that's disappeared a little bit And part of it is a function of the government obviously and part of it is a function of the giant corporations Not letting there be real news

In vietnam you turn on the tv when I was little and there'd be a reporter in a fucking battlefield Guns fucking going off all around them not embedded not embedded. I'm here and I'm in danger too Now more reporters are killed because they don't protect them at all hundreds and way more reporters get killed But you unless you watch bbc or alga zero or cbc or some Outlet that is not controlled by the american media. You're never going to see Any dead bodies of the people like the thing that they keep selling war all the time. We've got to send troops We've got to bomb people. We've got to do this if they started showing all the dead people Then people would not be as for war as they are and that's uh, you know, they really want to sell you it like it's this

Like you can win a war and there's no winning a war wars are there so that they can keep everybody poor Well, I want to see what they've done at the time. You're absolutely right. Now. That's a great point I want to see what's done. Why are we? Why are we doing this? Let me see what they did Let me see what they did. Let me see the damage Well, didn't cat williams have that joke like they use insurgent and like he said like he the little thing He made funny, but he was like, I don't know not one insurgent and it's true It's true. I don't I don't remember what special that was on but he was talking about it and it's uh

I'm not anti fox. A lot of people are anti fox I'm a fucking news. Lee. Yeah, I just you watch the news and after six minutes you get depressed You ask yourself. Why am I doing this? I have it's your grandmother a time bomb. Yeah, I have something I can be doing What which news outlet do you watch you say you don't watch fox? No, I mean, I I'm not anti fox a lot of people Hate everything the fox doesn't yeah, the news probably is definitely skewed But then there's msnbc which is skewed the the other way. I honestly don't it's not skewed as the other way as it could be right There's no real real lefty news on midi. Amy Goodman

Right, it's not as skewed But what I was thinking is there was that guy yesterday who got shot in downtown la And the big thing was the people took the video. Yeah, there was just a video I didn't watch it because I don't want to see somebody get shot But I don't watch any the when we first started the podcast We did it at 6 a.m. Because you said news was too depressing. I don't watch any Local news. I don't I don't even turn cnn on unless there's a big something big, but most of it I watched I on my phone on my phone or on my computer. There's I don't there's nothing I do

I was just laughing because you're your finger in your mouth, but no, it's just it's just interesting That it's all I don't have any News Well, no, it's just there's no news Outlet that I go to when I was in college. I got most of my news from the daily show Which is skewed a little bit, but he's a little bit more I think a lot of people like you they get it from their phone on the computer in the daily show And the daily but I read a lot of different stuff all the time because I talk about it all on my podcast and uh

And I think the foreign outlets You get a different perspective you get sometimes more news Actual facts and stuff like that. Well, vice has blown up in the past few years Vice is a good place to go because they have lots of stuff Then you know, there's the lighter schlockier stuff like buzz feed and you know that kind of shit, but um I think the british papers and the canadian papers Also, you get opinion they do things like break down what's going on You know to tell you what's happening within the story as opposed to american news where it's a big headline some blood

And then whatever whatever, you know, they always have there's always a hook to sell you the news And it's kind of like well news is should be interesting on its own without I don't have to see someone get blown up to Fucking be captivated or whatever, but and they let rich people off the hook a lot in the news Here's here's something I'll complain about that. You know, like you were saying The real news is what's happening around you all the time, right? I mean And if so if the real news is the news of the what's going on then people don't have jobs That's that's important. Uh women are being hassled all the fucking time in abuse. That's news But you don't see those stories on the news because that's not a story

They want to sell or that has any money to it or any traction. Well, yeah, the news on television Is governed by ratings like every other tv show like entertainment. Yeah So I think they can't tell you what the truth what I feel is that There's a lot of news we don't need to know Do you know that there's a lot of shit? We just really don't need to know And that's the downfall to me of the internet That now I know everything fucking immediately. Yeah, like when we were growing up if something happened McDonald's was getting shoot up. They go after it after an hour

After there was a standoff or something like that now When the shootings were occurring three four years ago San Diego, I'm not sure what the date was and I'm very sorry for this uh It seemed for a period after that if you pulled the BB gun out It was on google within two minutes. That's what they were pushing. They're not pushing it no more Now it's on third page of google or yahoo or whatever the fuck it is It's whatever they're pushing at that time Who determines what they're pushing though? Is it who who wakes up in the morning goes today?

We're gonna if somebody gets shot in the fucking eyeball. That's who we're putting on the pay. I mean who determines this No, well different editors at different places and I'm sure they have orders from above like we want we're not getting enough hits Put something on little Right, you know, we got a nice we got a nice shooting. Let's let's go to that. I just saw I I just watched at the gym Uh tomorrow never dies. It's an old double seven movie where Pierce Brosnan was still 007 but it was the the bad per the bad guy was a news magnet and he was he had a private army That was going around and creating news. I don't know if they're doing that now You'd like to think they're not but they could be I mean, what's to stop them from doing it? I'm I'm sure there's some people

a lot of news channels have have gotten in trouble For not showing the whole thing or selective editing or what's the brian williams who just That came out right and bill o'rally. Yeah, and he lied too. What did bill o'rally lie about? I saw it. Yeah, he said he was in what was it bay root. I didn't I didn't read that And he's yeah, he's lied about a whole bunch of different things and uh, you know Said he was there basically where that he participated in things that he wasn't participating and I think it was the first iraq war too and

You know They stretched the truth like everybody else, but they're entertainers like everybody else What what makes me what gets me is there's people who pedal opinion only but they're considered news people You know, and then you're like, well, no, they're just making stuff up because that's They want to push buttons You know as well as I do on a stand-up stage It's easy to push buttons if you wanted to get up there and just make people fucking scream and howl You know at different topics you could just fucking do that

By just introducing whatever um, and I think you were manipulated like that all the time, but you know We look the beauty of being Around now is that you have choices you don't have to watch tv and you don't have to listen to it You can seek out other I just would suggest to people that they Stop being on facebook and on twitter every second and maybe follow a couple of other

Things where there's some more information if i'm on a lot of my twitter Following is news outlets Which are pretty interesting. I follow a lot of news outlets on twitter uh, today I for some reason I uh was doing something at five o'clock The baby was just waking up and I switched to channel seven. I went in this news and the top report was Forget what the fuck it was, but the second one was about the weather. Hmm and how there was hail And by the way, I switched it because that's not the second

Best story you have to fucking tell me Something happened that's affecting us right now. Right. I'm not talking about a fucking glendora supermarket. That's getting held up At gunpoint. There's got to be something that's affecting us and it's not the fucking hellstorm in burbank I don't give a fuck about so I switch it off Because they're not telling me what I thought I went out of here. I don't know who's at their house Who gives a fuck about a leopard sighting? In costiac. Yeah, we have a leopard sighting and who gives a fuck something's going on that's affecting me You know what open up with the 405

Let's talk about the fucking 405 so people know what's where their husbands are and so that's what Gets me about any news outlet and when something happens they make it worse They scare the fuck out of you fears the fears the number one they scare the fuck out of you And they scare the fuck out of america now you got these reports with gupka and the other guy Everybody's got their own little fucking report and everybody's got their own opinion, but that person In pittsburgh doesn't know that. Yeah, he thinks that this is that they did scientific fucking facts on this People are afraid that isis is going to cut their heads off and there's pretty much no danger of that happening You would have to be there

You know they sell you a lot. I mean like we have to take our shoes off at the airport Because one guy tried to blow up a plane with his shoes and that's been in effect for how long Last week I walked through this last time. I walked through with my belt on guys. I do that all the time nothing fucking happened They got pissed off at me. You don't take your belt off. You're a soldier when I was bigger I used to I didn't want to take my belt off. No, I do but when I was 80 pounds heavier I never took my belt off what happened to Tony you forget about you always Fucked up looking at the canvas like something's gonna rob you out You look like one of those guys at the at the security place looking at the king one of those guys that coming

Little toadie benefit just sweet things out the candles. Hey, you're catching crazy. Oh, shit I want to be around To pick up the pieces What's up, really Nothing beautiful night to be alive. Yeah, these are fucking strong. What these mushrooms How do you know it's not the little corner of that triangle of the red Because I have that I have that

Corner I have that I usually have an entire star. I'll leave him on Yeah, I have that two nights a week and I know what that I know what that feels like this Is uh, it's it's different than we though It's like I feel a little bit more energetic But and then there's a little bit of the hallucinations, but nothing nothing crazy like I've always heard about No, I don't want to know That's it. The media scares you at mushrooms. You're gonna see the devil This isn't gonna happen. That's gonna happen. Nothing fucking happens

No, that's one of the main things the media tries to scare people off of I got an email from a kid today 2060 didn't know what to do with his life. I'm like for starters, you gotta live You gotta take the safety then away And live but they got these kids so fucking scared. Yeah Scared the pieces that they're gonna fail or something bad's gonna happen Nothing's gonna happen. You're gonna live your life. Well, also failure is the most important part because that's where you learn people you know people But to bring about to stand it but I talked to these two kids a couple years ago in Atlanta

And they were kids I can say they're kids I'm old enough And uh, I said one guy says we want to talk about our career And I go, how long you've been doing stand up and one guy goes eight months and the other guy goes like 14 months I go, you have no career. You have no career I said you must fail a million times and every time you fail you'll be better Never mind the sets you do well. Those are good sets. It's when you go up there and eat shit Then you got to fix everything and that's when you you know Face yourself like you said your process of going up and you're improvising you come to a discipline. It doesn't work

You gotta fucking fix it And um, it's the same in life. If you don't try to do something I agree with you man. I say it on my show all the time Carpe fucking diem. What are you waiting for and and this is the other thing I'm always on don't listen to your parents if they're Putting you down Or your friends say, oh, you shouldn't do this or your teacher or whatever And I a teacher in college said, oh, you're you know, you You should be a character actually you'll never you know what I mean? Like they want to put you in a

A box and you should do this you shouldn't try that and you fuck you if it's hard sometimes on the other side of it not to Take compliments or or positive reinforcement too seriously Because a lot of people I've I've been with I've worked with Joey for like four years and it's funny seeing comedians. I know it's it's been a rough life but it's uh, it's funny seeing comedians who Have everybody saying good things to them and how much their act changes how much they change and it's uh

It's hard. It's hard sometimes when like if I'm sure you get a lot of nice things people saying to you about your podcast and about Stand up and if you only listen to that if you didn't read any of the bad comments I'm sure your act would suffer Well, it's not so much the bad comments because bad comments are in my case Are usually people who disagree with me and I don't get that many of them But I have a wife who keeps me on the fucking straight no with the comedy if it's getting hacky or it's shitty You know, and also I think we're our own Biggest critic, you know, you listen you listen to your shit back and when you're bored with it or you repeat yourself

Or you're just being hacky. That's when I'm like, oh no gotta fix that Uh, but I agree with you You can't be in a bubble of people telling you how great you are because you're not that great You're only as great as you are right now. You know what I mean? Like you actually see comics Going into that zone. Yeah Once you start you see them Going into that people love me so from you and you look at them now and you go. I'm just gonna give that motherfucker rope He's gonna learn the hard way. Yeah, I have a friend who calls me once every 10 days

To talk to me about his film career And I'm nothing's going on. He was on the show 15 years ago almost 18 years ago But there's nothing going on. Nobody wants to see me I've done more than most of these people have I fucking done, you know And it's like it was fucking yesterday guy. Who who? You know, who gives a fuck you have to You have to do different fucking things But to put yourself in this, uh, you know, what are you giggling about William?

He's high as a dog, isn't he? Your headphones like on your eye No, it's over here because well, you know, he wants to hear through every orifice I'm gonna sit on mine for a while if you don't mind. What the fuck are you? I'm over here looking at him. I'm gonna go. Why is he giggling? Unless he sees something very amusing when you wear your headphones over your eyes. Look at him. Oh, he's gone He's how you're gonna get home cock sucker. I have no idea. We'll find out. Yeah, you'll be fine. I love you Go have a burrito, you'll be all right. Yeah little burrito to burritos

When you guys do the uh Whose line is it? You said you drink What's how would it be if you smoked a ton of dope before? Oh, I get high sometimes too. Oh Jesus christ I would be moving too fast from it. But but I don't you know When I do I do it sober too. I do it every which way right you do every I don't I don't necessarily get Completely loaded every night. Usually we have a couple of belts and maybe I'll have a couple hits or something but you know, we've done this a long time and uh

I don't think it makes me funny or anything like that. It makes it different for me What I worry about is the timing Because if you're too high or too drunk your timing is fucked For saying things and and also uh improv is uh 90 listening You gotta listen all the time. So you know how you do it. That's and reacting reacting's funnier than you know Like you got to react to something someone did you got to react all the time? So if you're like, oh, man, that was you know, you can't slow it down to the you've got to be faster than the audience When you're doing improv so

But we like to say we've done it a long time So we're really comfortable with each other and the other thing that we do in the group that I like is that we make each other laugh We did a show a couple weeks ago in fucking Vancouver. We did two in Vancouver. I'm on in Richmond, BC And I was crying laughing the whole fucking show. That's important. I mean, I was like Ryan Hemmey on the floor everybody Joel Murray, uh, they did this Mennonite dating scene and he fucking went Um, the the the most intelligent of our people moved to north and south dakota It was like context of nothing of Mennonites like the were Mennonites from Canada and when he said that I just fell out the fucking door and uh

We did an ice skating scene and it'll make no it won't be funny at all to listeners But if you're watching an impromptu scene and it got set in it like where did you meet? Oh, it was an ice skating was roller skating. We met in a roller skating rink So we skated through the whole scene everyone was backwards, of course Because it's funnier at the whole scene everyone was going around in circles backwards and meeting each other and talking and I was Never so fucking happy and I've done this for a thousand years. I was like It's still fun as shit You know, you get paid to be a child

But you have to be a An intelligent child a sensitive child that is picking up everything that's going on and barfing it back up You can't just laugh at it. But uh, I'm wildly amused by the other guys. I think that's the other thing joey You know, you meet so many Assholes and show business and people who don't like comedy that are in the comedy business Their producers or their managers or whatever and they really don't like comedy very much They could be doing anything they could be in a bank But this is their job and so they you know performers don't but I am you feel the difference. Oh very much so

I'm a fan of comedy. I love I I don't watch it every night of my life because I'm doing it every night But I love other comics. I laugh at their shit. I'm not I'm I try to keep the petty jealousy of my fucking life To a lower boil so that I can enjoy other people's We all we do is talk about other tell jokes on the road and talk about other comics and do bits to each other And do other comics bits and you know what I mean? Like you you have to be in love with it To get any joy out of it. Otherwise Fucking punch out, you know, I don't uh

You see people get burned out and I understand that a guy said to me years ago He passed away his name was Warren spots what he was very funny and he said Oh, this is the holy city zoo in like 1983 he goes if you get burned out stop Maybe for a couple months Maybe a year if you have to but never tell everyone you're quitting Because you're not going to quit you're a comic and you're going to fucking And then you see like uh Jerry Seinfeld whatever

In the end he comes back to being a comic, you know, yeah He had a tv show for nine years. The first thing you do is go back on the fucking road And write a new act and like I totally respect that I have a tons of respect for that. You know what I mean? Because that's what you are at the end of this The end of the day Bob Newhart once and he goes uh This was years ago 97 98 and he goes I called billy crystal the other day and I went why and he went I told him to get back on the fucking road

He goes like you just you got a gift get out there and write something and at that point He was probably 70 something. I said how many dates you do and he's like 50 60 a year You know he golfed the rest of the time, but he was still doing dates and I feel as stiller was doing dates till she quit The only reason bob hope quit doing dates was because he couldn't fucking physically get up and do it anymore But he was working till the bitter goddamn end. I don't think we stomp. You know what I mean? I didn't I didn't become a comic so I could retire I intend to do it till the mic is prized from my fucking cold More to rigor mortis, you know laden fingers man. I mean

As long as it's fun and then like you say you got to do new stuff all the time you got to branch out and and I love laughing on stage me too. I Love Oh my god, I love eight minutes and when you just burst into laughter and they feel it now And you're laughing at maybe something stupid you said. Yeah, it was something stupid like today I didn't know how to give lee the mushroom So I was sitting there tonight about seven fifteen

And I went and I Was going to get the star and cut a piece of the mushroom Put it into the star Oh, you're gonna worse and I sneak it in and I made myself giggle And right there. I said, why am I doing this and he called? Yeah, and I said, oh, that's what I called I was just thinking about you. I was in the sabotage. You're fucking strong to that I love the fact that I make myself laugh from time to time. I'm fucking tend to I fart in the middle of the night and I giggle, okay?

I tell everybody my favorite. I have sleep at me if I could fart And smell it through the hole I tell you guys I put the fucking sleep at me and ask on the plane the other day. No, you didn't yes I did I put on a delta flight. Yeah. Yes. I did on the way there. It was broken But on the way back I was at that airport for fucking six hours I put that sleep at me a mask on I slept for two good fucking hours There was a little japanese guy next to me. I must have farted that whole that Fucking that airport oatmeal that airport oatmeal. Yeah with the dead raisins and the cranberries

I must have caught these oh I must have cut six of those bombs at them. I got a fucking hit dealt up those cocksuckers That was a horrible experience and you know what listen I've gotten I'm older now that I won't freak out at those things It happens. There's nothing you can do if a tire breaks or whatever But I'll tell you when I start to get pissed off when I see tax-paying god-loving americans get pissed off Once I see people with suits getting pissed off That's when I get pissed off because after six hours

Just let me know what the fuck the problem is give me a hotel room. I can't whatever. Yeah, let's do it tomorrow But they keep saying 130 to 15 245. Yeah, yeah for 420. I'm sorry. They came from Cincinnati. They brought the wrong tire All right, are you fucking kidding me? Go get the fucking tire and whatever do pond or Let's do this get the tire on your own time Go get a plane from the back get the fucking border rink of the fucking plan It was amazing that I could buy 230 finally But they were they were very nice. They brought bagels

Did they They opened up with muffins. I got stuck for five hours the other day and no one gave us bagels the first fucking delay They brought muffins the second delay. They brought bagels with different cream cheeses The third delay. They brought pizza. Where are you coming out of indianapolis? Oh, okay. Nice. Nice. Yeah, I was gonna say that's the heartland Yeah, they're right there. Yeah christians, right? Fuck. I forgot to put the bagels down in my calories yesterday They knew something was fucking missing from that airport. I just thought I ate the pizza But I ate a little bagel a little light cream cheese could have been much But when I got when I got on the fucking plane, they said there's no meal on the plane. What?

Because And I'm in first class. I'm great. I've been flying for 35 years They said because the the food went bad We'll get more food. No, they said we have to eat peanuts and chips and shit For five hours. So I'm gonna have to call Delta people tomorrow and get like 500 miles or something on the fucking cuff Because that's what you do. You can't let people walk all over you. No, you can't these just for a fucking few bagels Lee, I can't have it. You know what I'm saying? What's up, Lee? How you feeling everything all right my friend? How's it going, buddy?

I'm good. I'm good. It's this is different than last time the last time I did mushrooms It was at night So I couldn't tell if the because we were at the comedy store. I couldn't tell if it was just the lights At night or if I was visuals having visuals. I think we should do another piece And I'll meet you on the dark side of the moon. Just another little piece. It's not bad. I told you it's not bad And I'll let you know and I'll let you feel Let's do it. What are you another piece? Watch the Wizard of Oz man. I don't want to do that at all All right tomorrow. I will eat a whole watch guiding to the galaxy backwards

Yeah, Lee. What was the last thing you got the blue shirt on? I do. You might as well go for fucking bro You do have a blue shirt on. I'd like to rent a video with that. You were in that shirt At least I had what's up, buddy? We're almost matching tonight. See You're a violent blockbuster. He's a regular blockbuster. He's a bad motherfucker. I miss blockbuster What do you do the most of you do improv still the most of you break them right down the middle podcast Yeah, stand up probably the most of all and then uh podcasting most and then improv because um, we only go out Maybe we go out every couple months for like a week or two here. There are weekends in there one. Ryan wants to do it

It's uh, it's Ryan's group basically and I'm I've been lucky enough to be in it for like 15 years Is it really it's his group? Yeah, well drew started it like when we were doing whose line drew took us all to vegas in like 99 and um, then we ended up doing a bunch of Montreal's with drew and this and that and then We would go out with all of us like there was a little I used to call it the preakness There was like eight or ten of us which is way too big for an improv group improv group should have four to six In my opinion that way you don't wait. You're not sitting If you're in a group of 10 people you're gonna sit through three scenes and you get cold You start looking at the floor or you start thinking I'm gonna I need to I should get a taco

I wish I didn't you know, your mind starts to wander with four people Oh, you rocked the whole you're in every scene. So it's more like the Beatles and you're right there all the time. Um But we don't go out every minute and then people go, oh, don't you miss whose line? And I'm like no because I see them all all the time and when I go to England I play with the English guys from whose line and they have an improv group there in London called the comedy store players and they're hilarious They're really witty and I sit in with them and uh So it's good fun, you know, and I like I go last year year before I went to Ireland with some buddies who are all English comics and

Irish comics and we did improv and Fucking giant tanned and Dublin and shit and little dinky pub and Galway that you're fucking Sweating your ass off and there's fucking five million Irish people in there and the place is heaving and you know, it's just fucking It's fantastic fun, you know, and what could go wrong really, you know, you're drinking you're doing drugs. It's just It's just beautiful. Yeah, I mean to me. That's the whole I didn't get into it to be like What was that line in the sopranos? I remember Someone says something to junior in one scene and he goes, what are we in the fucking Navy? I didn't get into this to be in a big company

I got into this to do stuff with friends that I like and uh and again go places. I wanted to go and So I've got to go all over And uh, you know, we were in Vancouver couple weeks ago. Vancouver's fine. It's groovy, man, you know, I'm like Uh, and when I do the podcast people, you know, how does they give you stuff and they Look at these mushrooms. Yeah, you interact with people that there's a shared commonality. I love that I have fallen in love with that whole thing. I have fallen in love with the twitter Facebook going to the shows seeing the people and only twittin the mornings and only facebook in the mornings I don't fuck around. I got a life

But it's funny that the people that I have become acquainted with you meet one or two at a fucking different city And it really uh, it really sucks. Let me give some shout out. I'm having a podcast listener on my podcast tomorrow Token where's a podcast is being released tomorrow. It's uh, it's it's really cool because we meet a lot of nice people But it's interesting when you get to have like a personal relationship with a couple. You must have been You must have how long have you been touring? You mean as a comic 125 years But you must there must be a tour in a wagon There must be people when you go to cities that you see that you've seen six seven eight times

Of course and the podcast people I know them by name by they they come because that they've emailed me And I have an email called family for gregat gmail.com if you want to email me I read them all I don't answer every single one anymore because there's too many to answer all the time But I do answer a lot of them and um, yeah in philadelphia. I just saw a guy new Uh, I've met him in new york. I've met him in philly. We've talked Uh, three or four people in philly. I knew on a first name basis I went over to a cat's house who I met at the podcast and did his podcast because he's a musicologist I go into his crib and philly

Nothing but fucking record CDs and books, right? He's an academic of fucking music And so we talked about comedy and music and performing his wife's a teacher. I was like, and I don't know this guy He could have killed you. Well I brought him some books and you know, you had the relationship before you went and you know, like absolutely I got those good thing. I went to the mailbox. I found those roach clips That they sent us I got a review And I found two birthday cards from my man in san francisco. You know, these are guys that are just uh And my man in chicago tremendous people that you can't become and I never thought that was possible

Right laugh at that whole situation. It's a personal connection. It's a personal fucking connection this week pat showed up at the fucking You know, he was in uh What the fuck he was Indianapolis. Oh, he showed up in indy. Where are we playing in indy? Crackers. Oh, okay. Ruth Ann. Ruth Ann's very cool. Yeah, she is really nice Do you ever go over to what's the McCall at the one in bloomington? What's the fucking name in that place? Not years Not that's a really neat. It's a nice room. It's like upstairs. I was very bacon sandwiches. Yeah, it was very nice

Yeah, they're lovely people were lovely. Indianapolis the people Were lovely. Let me give some shout outs here I got a card from a guy that his kids made the card and they said their future church members But he didn't leave his name on the card. I want to give you a shout out Your kids are telling to this fuck. I got the card in my pocket. I took it out and hung it on my bulletin board David Whitey. I love you cocksucker. New York rob. I got you Kenny Sharrocks Michael Jordan Patty shea that's who showed up again

Uh, john correa greg nine nine three seven john black. I love you. Thank you and john lewis That's who fucking Show them how's that for you? What's up? So you become friends with these guys? Yeah Sometimes they'll hit me up. You know, we're trying to meet it's very Dave wilder shows up all the time You know, ookey spooky you get to meet these people from the podcast. You have a relationship with them. Cleo Asked me to be on a podcast. We don't have skype It's fucking just so many things that you Now are possible over a fucking wire

This is unbelievable the morning is when I'm fucking around on twitter telling people to watch their pussy I'm putting music on and people hitting me back. It's like I could feel their energy As dumb as that sounds I could feel their energy Well, they're enthusiastic. They really are they're wired into it. It's it's it's not a casual Dang, it's it's important to them, you know, and they're important to me. Yeah very much. So I have to do this on time I have to fucking stick to my diet. There's so many little things I do because I feel like they're watching me now We watch each other. We're like a little family I'll tell you what really baffles me about you

baffles me With all the schmucks and we're gonna get a laugh on this you're with a regular mid-sized agency And then you we share the same agent for booking But I mean you're theatrical. I thought you at cAA I thought you had jack Nicholson's manager who drove you to fucking breakfast every day I thought that people let you sit in that game as much as I used to be. It's amazing. I can't uh

I figured you for a cAA guy I had big agencies in the past and some of them have let me go and I've let other of them go and I never seemed to see eye to eye with them I remember being with one agency once and I booked two sitcoms in one week I had to turn one down to do the other And I went into the meet talk to my agent at the time and she went what are we gonna do with you? And I went I'm sorry. What do you mean? And she goes, well, we gotta think out of the box for you I went I just booked two fucking sitcoms this week

And she's like, yeah, but you you're crazy. You're odd I mean like they're you like you don't you're talking to the wrong person here If I hadn't booked two things then you could say this to me Like you're hard to cast when you booked you things in a week. You're not hard to cast And I think that they they get a little kooky. They want to put the people in and also they're under a lot of pressure to You know Provide the people that they think you know that the people want and da da da da It's hard for them to be imaginative

You know what I mean? It's not in there 2015. It hurts my fucking soul When people don't think outside the box, whether it's fucking comedy Or even open up their eyes when I talk to a club about podcasting And they look at me with 300. What is it? Guess what? I don't really want to deal with them in the stand-up venue Because you're fucking gone. You're on another planet. You don't know what's happening And you know what these are the guys you do and this is why you do what you do and I get it I'll never contact you again. I'll tell my agent never to bother you again But that's how I feel about and we've had this

We were doing the Podcast and when I went to the manager to go say can you lower the lights they looked at me the guy had three heads What are you talking? And then she's turned around and she kept telling the story And I'm like Oh my god, this is just so real. I've gotten into so many comedy clubs where you Go and the comedy club owner might be a scumbag but at the end of the day, he's a fan And he watches two of your sets and he laughs and he brings one of his friends to watch it And it's a better feeling than dealing with somebody who gives you a big paycheck

But yeah, he's just a fucking jerk off What do you mean you want the lights? So this is how we always have them because I want it different from my show, right? Well, no, no, no because we're no no no, and it's amazing that they look at you with that look of fucking stupid Right now you're demanding you wanted a table and we just see it different. We know what we want We know what works for us. Look, I need a table when I go in and a chair and two microphones I make it very clear. I email them if there's a tech person I email the tech person and then sometimes you come in and nothing's there when you walk in

And you're like and they go, what did you what did you need a table? And I've stopped doing that like I won't do that anymore. I don't throw a fit or anything Uh last week it didn't they weren't ready technically for me And I just calmly sat and then it all got sorted out by showtime and it was okay I I you can't lose your shit, but I really at one point I sent out a giant email to everyone that I was going to work for And went I get this many listeners a week. This is my job I know to you it's just another fucking comedy night or whatever But when I come in, please have the table ready when I come in for the soundcheck have the mics set up

Don't just fucking be like, oh, yeah, we got to get another mic for you No, you knew that for fucking a month two months before I got there leave the sound familiar Right. I mean, this is a constant struggle when you get there, right? Well, you get there And then they go, we don't we don't have a jack that goes in the thing and you're like, fuck you I asked for a table mic. I asked for this. I don't ask for a lot. I didn't ask for buffet I didn't ask for special treatment I wanted someone to be there an hour and a half before the show so I could fucking go test It's amazing how many comedy clubs supposedly don't have mics or chords

I have everything now and it it sometimes is a pain in the ass like if I If it's in Los Angeles, it's in my car But a couple of times I've had to bring it to on a plane and it's a pain in the ass to get through security. Yeah, and But it's a certain point You don't want to have to deal with it. You don't want to have to But why don't they have mics and chords and why don't they have a computer that In their sound bay that they can record the show on no, they should But they don't you know most of them don't even now don't and how many people are doing podcasts on the road all of us

Right and I one time I forget where it was I almost had to take a cab to a best buy to get a cable right and and luckily they got it figured out, but it was just It's amazing That I just do it now and they might have it now they might have it But it makes it less stressful for me just to bring it How about uh, we we can't play an ipod or we can only play cds or we can't play cds We can only play this or we we can't play an ipod or cds Like how are you playing fucking music back there?

Well, we got a computer Well, then how can we can't record the show on the computer because no one knows how to do it No, you're you're not paying it a good year was this 1958? I mean like I can't fucking get out. I can't deal with it. I cannot deal with it It's it is the the weirdest part of it because it happened to me last week We don't have this cable or the cable was going the whole time and I'm like you guys you guys you guys I'm not doing um Broadway musical where there's 25 mic people on stage You know what I mean and a full orchestra

This is one person talking into a mic and all it has to do is go through one feed I feel terrible how many times have you Gone somewhere and at the end of the night you find out or when you go back to your room and you plug it in Oh, the sound's messed up. Yep, and it happens all the time and I feel bad and people ask for the podcast but even though yes, even though it's supposed to be just a conversation and You might be able to hear something that you is a perfect sound quality. I don't want to put out something and The for the I guess what it really is is the bottom line the club thinks okay This mic is good enough for stand-up or this this chord. No one said anything

Right, it's been shorted for 14 years and why it's running through the wrong outlet Why haven't potted up too much why spend the money it doesn't make enough it doesn't make Sense for them to spend the money. I did an opera venue or a classical, you know symphony hall in Omaha Beautiful gig my guy got it for me. They paid me a lot of money They were doing like Stravinsky's ride of spring next week So I was upstairs in a little concert hall that had the beautiful wooden walls and the baffling like you'd put a string quartet or

A small orchestra in this room and the guy came up to me and he goes I'll record it I'll record it and I go look I can set up my zoom right here next to the thing and I'll fucking push I mean, no, no, no, I'll do it from the board He came out my my producer's mountain rye and they got it and they were like look This is just so they salvaged part of it. It sounded like a 40s radio show So I came on in the beginning and went like this one is afford, you know Now we're broadcasting from the top of the ballroom here. I don't know. You always do your own shit We've learned that lesson and this guy was a technician in a classical like I thought well, I'll let the guy do it because

You know, maybe they record, you know Like burleos or whatever in here and opera singers and that has to because the the sound in the room was fucking You know genius right and they had a bar set up in this upstairs Concert hall so people were juicing, you know, it's the fucking Midwest and I had a fun show. I got drunk and I had a great time but God it sounded like shit and I thought If you can't play a goddamn symphony hall And have them do it right, right, you know

Chuckle hut. Yeah, I get it. There's a guy. He's not really the sound guy. He they pushed him into service He doesn't actually know how to fucking push the button most of them are just door guys Yep, and and they have oh on wednesdays. I do sound right and they know that this this fader Let's them talk to the audience. They've never changed the mic out, which is fine I'm on ask not everyone has to be a sound technician and I'm not even a sound technician The craziest thing about for me the last couple weeks I've been Redoing the tech in the studio. There's no There's no guidebook and it's it's just a lot of like I'm not I don't have a sound degree and I haven't spent years

Doing sound and yeah, sometimes the sound isn't great But I'm not just You didn't just go off the street and someone someone felt at an application and I don't The one thing I learned when I was working because I've only been doing this full time for about a year I was doing this part-time with a I worked in tv and when I was going to do interviews For a job. I would never say I could do something that they couldn't yeah

It's the it's the worst and that's If the sound guy at the opera house had just told you oh, yeah, yeah plugging your thing I'll do I'll try to do it through the board. I'll try to do it myself But it you know it almost like it's it's lying and if they feel lied to And it's uh, it's terrible and I wish I'd just done it myself and then I would have had it and Anyways, how long does this go joe? I don't mean to be a spoil. No, I just want to ask you one last question. Okay. What made you do? I Since 2010 I've been bored. I thought that the traditional microphone brick wall

Was going into a weird direction. I saw that some clubs were building higher And everybody was trying something different, but nobody went crazy. Then the specials league What have we been talking about doing a special somewhere different? I don't want to do a special in a fucking theater because I don't like fucking All right, if you're trying to promote me with that icky stupid way, it's 2015 And also one day, uh, maybe a year and a half ago I hear on a sunday night you're taping a special at muso and frank. So historical restaurant in the heart of fucking hollywood

What made you pick muso? Well, I wish I could say it was my idea. We were looking around for theater We went to all these places you go to a place and they go we want to shoot first night You know, we want to shoot a stand-up show $10,000 run. Seriously theater theater is here in la $5,000 I was like, we don't have that budget My manager went to musos for like a munchkins birthday party. I'm not kidding And he came to me the next day and he goes. I've got it musos And so we had lunch with the owner and we made a deal And we put a jazz band in and we pulled the place of smoke and we got a brilliant director marcus for boy

And a brilliant producer named neo marshal and my manager's uh over at brilstein And it was his idea and I immediately the minute it got out of his mouth I was like exactly right for me It's martini glasses and fucking suit and tie the waiters got the gold coats on You can see them walking around during the show. We served booze and food during the show You know, we we had it, you know, you could if you came we did a small audience in the back room there So it was maybe 70 80 people and I stood on the floor had a table next to me with my booze on it And it was just and my notes and shit. It was like the perfect atmosphere and we only got one pass

I didn't do two shows and I improvised a bunch of it And I'm not telling you which parts I did and other parts I'd worked on and uh, but I let I let that happen you know what I mean, and there's a few things I wish I had back but uh I think it was better to be spontaneous and and do it in that beautiful room and everyone felt so great It was like a sunday afternoon. Everyone came in fucking clothes and You know hats and the band. I know justice said he went. Oh, yeah, justin went. Yeah, justice said he was gone I go fuck. I wish you would have told me earlier. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna love to see the this whole thing I thought it was brilliant. Yeah, that was I wish I could claim credit that I picked the place

It was one of my favorite restaurants. So when my manager said I was at musos the other night. I was like Can we so we went in and like, you know with everybody what can we clear out? You know, so we just moved some tables. That's all and No stage first. We're gonna build a stage and then we're like, don't build a stage Musos doesn't have a stage I'll stand on the floor with the waiters. We had a waiter introduce me a ruben Sergio and uh It was fantastic. I love all that stuff

Everyone had martinis, you know, everyone got juiced it's sunday afternoon and started early, you know, so you could live your life I love that I'm gonna read the sponsors. Then we'll get the fuck out of it. All right, great Bruce. Where you at this week? Thank you for asking tomorrow night. I'm at the nerd milk doing my fabulous podcast and then uh this weekend i'm off, baby um, uh next gig is uh in santa barbara at the uh Something brewery company you can go online look it up. I'm doing the setlist in santa barbara on the 21st Yeah, I just saw him. Yeah, he's a great kid the kid that books up with the true it Troy Troy is a great fucking Yeah, yes, good. Lee. What are you doing cocksuck? Everything. All right the mushrooms. Well, I told you

I'm releasing my podcast tomorrow. Okay, and that's it. What's the name of the podcast flying? Dioradio look at you. He's flying you fucking shirt on the naming game for me. But no, you're people like it Okay, I had a great where are you buddy? This weekend coming up. I'm another frozen terrain cleveland, ohio You'll love it. You'll love larry. No, I love all that stuff. I've been there before and I love it It's been too long last time I went to the impromptu the neighborhood chains I used to go there when it was sarah nine and sarah nine left Then the other guy with the sleep baton you took it over and it became a fucking urban club

So you're sending your fuck knows what's going on. LeBron deal is gonna come down. They put you across the street There's lots of nice restaurants on that block. There's a mexican. There's like a little groovy hipster place across the street That does artisanal burgers and shit. It's fucking really nice. It was really nice having you here. Thanks jelly I wanted to have you on for a while. I've always been a fan of improv, but not really what comes with it And you're not that type of dude. You know a lot of those improv guys you go and they look down on you IO and the other places and uh I've seen how you acted the improv you always been a gentleman the people so I was very excited when I get young trust me. I've been totally

I didn't give a fuck what came out of your mouth. It was just something that uh It was like a personal thing for me So Well, if you are certainly didn't but there we are leads. All right leads are gonna be fun Leads are gonna eat some more shrooms with his uncle joey. We'll be fucking fine. Yeah, I've been Hilarities this weekend thursday friday saturday The next week i'm in sacramento, then i'm home for a fucking month. Why fuck around and see in the mart stay at home relax It's east of the wife's going away for three or four days. I'm home solo. Are you going away for east of this yearly?

No, we're doing a feast together on the east of hang hunt with the wife What are you gonna look for? I don't know. I there uh, I don't think they they east is fucking sacrilegious for mexicans dog I don't think they you can't be slinging dick over there during these things Those legs shut down on thursday No, they're not they're not religious after the last supper. What the they got religious pictures all over the house They do but they they like she's uh, she's like prayer groups that she goes to but she doesn't go to church They never go to church doesn't mean that they're still religious cocks. Look at that They don't give up that ass during the fucking holy season trust me

You'll be over there holding fucking little pignitas fucking Little shout out to my fucking lovely Sponses on it. Yeah, what is it on it? What is optimization? Yeah, it's optimization optimization to the max You understand me that new t plus Testosterone got improved if you're lacking testosterone your dick's not working Go test out the new formula. It's cheaper a nice little packaging to give you a couple vitamins in between there As usual alpha brains alive and kicking and you know my personal favorite the shroom tech If you want to immunosport an amino sport

No, no, yes shroom tech immune or shroom tech sport sport. I'm a sport guy I need the fucking all the oxygen I can get I'm a fat fuck I'm not like you got cardio for two hours on that uh, elliptical. That's how you lost the 90 pounds He's a fucking savage. Also shout out to listen. I'm sick and tired of people sitting at home Go enjoy what I do on a Friday night Go to iron dragon tv a roku channel classic martial arts from day one. You understand me hip man Fucking charlie chan jack and chan. They got every fucking change you ever look for in your life. You understand me? Dave foley don't fuck around

Go to iron dragon tv right now today get your weekend started even on a monday. Who gives a shit? What are they pressing the box league joey boom joey? You get two free fucking movies on the arm. No questions asked You understand me you sit there you see the wise you see Godzilla Whatever classic martial arts you got one they got they don't fuck around Also shout out to my main motherfuckers and hit e-sig cigarettes. I don't have none here. You gotta you slip You didn't I asked you say you didn't have no I didn't you want a cigar one? Sure. What the fuck you're slipping You're sitting there for two hours with a new haircut. You got jelly in your hand

Hitties things the best if you didn't quit smoking yet. You're fucking slipping You got 24 16 8 and 0 milligrams It'll take you right to the fucking who you live another day cock suckers You're looking at me go enjoy, but I smoke cigars Bam no problem. Hitties things comes at you with a fake fucking cigar if you ever move someone franks You just pop this motherfucker Like a fucking doctor you understand me electronic cancer goes right into your fucking There you have it. I fucking love it because joey's church didn't get 20 off. That's right. You get 20 off right now

I Like draw the cancer What the fuck I love it. I don't give a fuck anymore. Who gives a fuck? And you know what the cool thing is I got one for the grave with a banana peel What do I give a fuck I start commercial for one of the popular ones and they they were the big thing they were saying is Oh, 550 pups. Fuck them. We get 1200 pups for $18. Yeah, more than double you could puff your fucking way, right? Whatever you want to do you'll be puffing eat ass drinking whatever the fuck you want Eat an ass. Go. Sure. You got enough oxygen

Go to hitties things right now and get 20 off and they ship wherever you need to ship. What's the story? What's the code joey's church beautiful joey's church? And don't forget nailed in life.com After you smoke that hitties things cigar you want to smoke some vapor You want to fucking get high and see the devil? That's your answer nailed in life.com Everything for the dab lifestyle the torch the sticks that don't melt the fucking rock you put it on If you're looking to dab you can dab yourself to fucking death Go to the other life.com. So honor if you want to get another life. You press joey Diaz. Yeah, 20% off 20% off

That's right. So you go to honor.com. You get 10% off you press joey Who gave you these who gave you these mushrooms? Don't worry about who to thank them with the questions. Oh, that's tremendous I love them. You sure you don't want to take what I'm fine. Thank you I'll take I'll let you have what to go for Well, maybe I'll take one in a doggy bag. No, fuck that I love you guys. We'll be back Wednesday. Stay black. I want to thank Greg proofs one more time at least I asked you taking the shrooms and Everything is beautiful. Have a good night

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Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final Todo tiene su final

Todo tiene su final Chavar Chavar Chavar Chavar Chavar Chavar Chavar

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