Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #262 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 5, 2015

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. 
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Recorded live on 03/04/2015.
 Music:
 Sabbath Blood Sabbath - Black Sabbath Big Papa - Bigggie Smalls

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And go to irondragontv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a brand new Roku channel with all of your favorite martial arts movies. Use code word joey to get two free rentals. Oh, shit. What were you thinking, motherfuckers? It's the church of what's happening now. Wednesday, March 4th afternoon.

Dropping a little. Oh, shit. The devil was very to see you, bad motherfuckers. The execution of your mind. You understand me? That's what the fucking church is. The end begin? Oh, stop it.

Stop it. The lights are on, but you don't want to know. What's happening, brother? No. Oh, you haven't heard that for a while. It's a good little fucking jam, ain't it? I listen to that for my darkest fucking hours every day, two, three times a day.

I salute the phonograph, you understand me? That's how much I was into that song. What's happening? It's a beautiful day to be alive. What's up, my brother? It's a great day to be alive. Fucking beautiful weather here. It's hard to believe.

It has not stopped on the East Coast. I don't even know what to say no more, because every time I talk to my friends, they're like, holy shit. George fell down the stairs, they heard his wrist. Is he OK? Yeah, he said he banged up his wrist and shit, because there was an ice storm. For you people don't know, when I left Indianapolis there,

I got stuck at the airport for nine hours on Sunday. I got there 10 to six. We didn't fly out to like five after three or some shit. Got into LA about 5.30. Thank God there was, and it was raining when I got in. Thank God there was no traffic and shit. I made it home in time, but yeah, nine fucking hours. So I know it's bad out there.

And I'm headed out to Cleveland in the morning. You motherfuckers of hilarities, get ready for Uncle Joey. He's coming with two guns. I'm ready to rock. Was at the store last night? That was great last night to see him. So, Ari, have you seen Ari's billboard on Sunday? I've seen pictures of it, I haven't been down there.

Fucking tremendous, fucking tremendous. I made the right and went down there and took a look out. I think I'm on the show on March 19th. Don't forget to watch that night. Let me tell you what's going on. I'm going to the church for help on this one, because Comedy Central don't really dig me, so we got to get some fucking numbers for that episode.

Maybe they'll let us shoot a fucking special like Comedy Central. It's really cool. It's you and Ari. It's just me and Ari. And we're going to do the podcast that Monday morning, the 16th, the day before St. Patti's at like nine. We're going to eat the mushrooms.

We're going to go fucking nuts. Let me tell you guys what happened. So Monday night, last week I went to Indianapolis. Captain, my main man, Captain fucking Redbeard. Shit. We were outside. He brought his friend and we were talking to this other guy and I know the guy's name,

but he hooked me up tremendously. Gave me these mushrooms that you soak in 151 and all this whole thing that I never, I heard about it, but I had never eaten them like that. Let me tell you something. Me and Lee split one of those balls the other day. And I got to tell you something. I was fucked up till about midnight

on that little fucking. Oh my God. I was fucked up for days. I was fucked up and I was a little fucked up. Yesterday too, a little bit in the daytime, but that night I left and when I got to the room the next morning, yesterday morning, I could not find the mushrooms.

I thought I had lost the last two pellets. He gave me three pellets. And you gave like a tiny amount. It was nothing that I gave you. I mean, it was minuscule and I ate the rest of it. And I went home, I stayed up till two, though I tripped when I got home, not really, but I knew I had eaten mushrooms.

I was just watching like reruns or something, whatever the fuck was on 20, Canon or whatever's on late night, those old Hawaii five old type shows. So I watched that for a while. And the next morning when I got up, I realized how high I was, but I had lost the two pellets. These two little pills, I had lost them. And I rushed to the office today and I opened the door

and there's nothing in here. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. I can't believe I threw away those goddamn mushrooms. I was counting on those fucking things, right? So my nose is congested. I sprayed my nose, I went to the bathroom. Well, as I'm walking to the bathroom, guys, I look over by the garbage and there's a tiny little piece

of the fucking paper on the floor. My luck. And I look at it and there it is, the two little hits of mushrooms. So I went to throw them away by mistake the other night, but thank God whoever cleaned the building and the people who are in this building, a lazy motherfucker's.

See, they got no character. They didn't bend over the piece of paper. They would have found two hits of mushrooms. They would have thought it was a ball of hash. They would have struck fucking Eureka. But two days later, that's the luck. And you know me, though, I let life dictate. Once you find things that you lose,

you got to eat those motherfuckers. We were going to eat them today, but I got some shit to do tonight. Lee's got some shit to do, so we're just going to give it a breather. But I did have a great time in Indianapolis. We didn't have a chance to talk about it because Greg Proups would say the N.A.

I want to thank Greg Proups. That was a great podcast. It was very insightful. And I told you, and it's nothing against Greg, but I just, if I had a guess, I wouldn't have guessed you guys would have been friends or gone along, but I guess that's just the bond that comedians have.

If you see a comedian, you have a cool bond with them. Well, when you see a comedian, I mean, you could do two things. You could have jealousy or whatever to have people. You could create like this, you could create like this animosity towards a comic. Maybe they've done more things than you have, whatever.

I don't look at it that way. I look at it that way. We all have our own path. We all have our own journey. And you need to do what you do. And maybe what Ari does doesn't work for me. And I do something different, you know? Than what fucking, you know, Mac Bentoncourt does, you know?

But we all strive to have success in certain ways. When I got here, I would talk to comics that that's all they would do all day. It's bad mouth of the comics. And I never understood it. I told the story on Stasia. That's why I don't like Bill Cosby. Listen, you're not gonna get along with everybody.

I don't get along with everybody. But because of personality conflicts, maybe, you know, a lot of people don't like me because of my personality. But it's very rare when you look at a comic and I see it, I see it from a lot of comics who hate comics over jealousy. Because they've gotten things

that somebody else hasn't gotten. Greg Poops has a tremendous career. Tremendous. And I've watched him on that fucking, whose line is it? I mean, listen, improv comedy is not my cup of fucking tea. You know, I don't have the utmost whatever towards it because it's a group, whatever, and I'm up there by myself. So I really don't comprehend it.

But I don't bad mouth it. I enjoy watching it. You know, it's just not for me. I went to Improv Olympic. Did you know that? No, yeah. I took like three, two semesters, two classes of writing, intro to sketch writing and writing two or something.

Okay. And I felt that, I felt that my practical skill from stand up had taught me more than the book type smart that they were trying to teach me. Right. Well, from listening to podcasts, it seems like a lot of comics do improv,

but they do it earlier in their career. Maybe you've just been doing stand up for so long that you didn't need what improv was trying to teach you. Well, I was improving on stage my first four years. Right. I went up there with nothing. I would just, and it sucks when it's good, it's really good. But when it's bad, it's really fucking bad

not to have a path. You always have to have a path. And that would go up there. Even great improvisers would go up and let's say you have a beginning, a middle, and then that's tremendous. I would go up there with nothing. So some people have like improvising.

They have a bit and they improvise. Then they have another bit and they improvise. Don't get me wrong. This time I'll improvise off something on stage right in the middle of that energy. You know, that energy's cooking. So right away you run with it. But the art of improv,

like the long method and all that stuff, I never really knew what that was. But when you watch him and his show, I think the fucking black guy is talented as fuck. Wayne Brady. Wayne Brady's a bad motherfucker. And the tall goofy dude. Ryan, who I didn't know, apparently it's his show now.

That's what Greg said at the end of the show. It's his group. I thought Aisha Taylor was the host on it. I think she might be the host, but I think Ryan's, because Ryan's been there for as long as I can remember. I remember watching it with my mom and my brother when I was really young.

It was like the songs I used to do and it was very funny. I like when it's something spontaneous. The audience really likes spontaneity. When something comes up, I mean, you feel it, you know, you feel it, you know what you, people think they know the difference. I could go on stage and act like this is all new. Because I've done it a thousand times.

Well, it's interesting for me, because I get to go a lot to the comedy clubs with you. And you laugh on stage. Like you said something at the end of the last podcast, I was just way too besonked out. Like you make yourself laugh on stage. And I've seen you do the same jokes a few times. You don't laugh at the same spot of every joke.

But I've seen comedians who have a spontaneous laugh or something that's just part of the bit. And that's, to me, that comes off as disingenuous. It's worse, like how good it can be when you make yourself laugh. It's that much worse when you see somebody and they have the same laugh at the same moment. And it's, if they do it right, it's great.

But if they do it bad, it's really bad. I've never liked the forced laughter. When I'm doing, when you're acting and you do a sitcom and they gotta laugh at the same joke 80 fucking times, that's always driven me crazy. That's always driven me. You said something to me about the special we were watching and the laughter was out of sync,

like they added lap tracks. You know who I think adds a lap track? And I don't like it because the shit's funny, Daniel Tosh. He's, oh yeah, probably. I was watching the last night and I thought it was a lap track. And I'm like, why does this have a fucking lap track? I thought he shot in front of an audience.

He does shoot in front of an audience. And it's, I did a show, one of my last shows. You know who it is? Cause we saw him in Austin. Gary Owen had a show with Shaquille O'Neal on Trudy TV a few years ago. And the EP, the executive producer of that show created Tosh.0.

So what happens a lot is, at least in my opinion, is that they probably has a lap track because they're bringing in producers who have worked on TV for 30 years. And they, all they want, there's a guy, there used to be a guy who would come into the office to do the lap track. And he comes in, he's like an 80 year old dude

with like a little computerized keyboard sort of thing. And I think it's, what I was saying about the special, something you've told me to look for is when you hear laughter, but people's backs are straight up. They're not moving at all. So it's that on the top, on Tosh, but no, which I like too,

they probably want it to make it seem like every joke is hysterical where the studio audience probably is laughing. I was laughing in my ass. So I'm like, why did this sounds like a lap track? Like they sound like they're laughing, but the tail end of the laugh sounds like, it's like America's most wanted, America's funny videos.

Funny something, is that a work on? Yeah, yeah, they audio mix it, which is okay. It's called sweetening. So yeah, they probably had good laughs, but they- And that's part of the editing process, sweetening? It's part of the audio editing, the audio mixing process. They sweeten every show.

That's basically like the term for all mixing. But yeah, they send it when they have it already, they send a laugh track guy in, at least for that show. So after they tape the show. Right. How many steps, excuse me, how many steps do you have after you tape the actual show

till the general public sees it? Like on ABC, like- For America's funny some videos, it's so they tape it and they do a line cut, which means there's actually a director there and he's switching cameras. And like, I just want to go see Jeopardy. And it's probably the same thing.

They switch cameras live on set. And at that, by that point, for at least for America's funny some videos, they've already edited the packages together. So then they go in and they just, they just put, they splice it in, they have some graphics they have to put in. Once the show is shot,

it only takes about a week or two to edit it. The majority of the work goes in when the writers are picking the clips and they edit that together. But it's like edited in two pieces because they have to edit the clips, the funny clips, but then they have to go in and edit what they shot with the host.

It's probably how Tosh.Pono is edited. I would imagine they get all the clips together and they have, it would be like a playlist for YouTube videos. It just goes one after another and they do that. But then Tosh.Pono has all those graphics you have to put in. And yeah, they probably do a laugh track. There's probably, they probably do some testing

and they bring some old people in or they bring some people in who have the day off from work and they enjoy the show better when there's a laugh track. So that's what they do. It's, I understand why they do it, but it's one of the reasons why people are leaving television. Now in all the TV shows, do they always have consumer groups,

whatever you call those groups? Probably. That comment. Probably at the beginning of the show, America's Funny Some videos just is on season 25 right now. So honestly, they could bring anyone in to do almost any job and it would get done because it's been going on for so long. But yeah, they probably do.

They probably have focus groups brought in and the whole thing is about making money. So they wanna make sure that the most people are gonna watch it. It's funny, rather than Seattle, I used to go to focus groups to tell me and Josh Wolf made some money. Yeah, I'm signed up, I get the emails,

but I never go in, it's like always weird ones. It's like diabetes or- Diabetes, what do they wanna know? I don't know, I haven't read it, but- No, but this is when you went into offices and you tasted like a beer. Right, yeah. And you wrote your opinion,

and they pay you 75 cash at the end of the fucking thing. Like I used to do those things in Seattle when we got there and it just make ends meet as a comic. And then when you go to Myrtle Beach, there's those condo scams that you sit through them and they give you 200 bucks. I heard that's what, have you seen the signs around LA for $99 airfare to Hawaii?

Yeah. That's what that is. Is they make you sit for a timeshare. And then, cause I kept, I Googled it one day. Cause for people who don't know, when you drive around Los Angeles, there's these signs that say $99 airfare to Hawaii. So I Googled the number and I found this page

where people were talking about it. They bring you in to talk about a timeshare and then let's say you went in with your wife and you guys just said no. They'd look to your wife and be like, why do you wanna be with this asshole? He doesn't take you anywhere nice. Apparently they'll really mean about it,

but if you can make it through the meeting, you get really cheap airfare. Pretty fucking interesting. I didn't know what the $99, I remember one day we were driving and I saw the guy spinning the same. I'm like, there's a hurricane going on. This fucking knucklehead,

the couple of like two months ago when there was like a typhoon was supposed to hit, Godzilla was making a comeback. This fucking dirty dude is spinning this sign a wide $99. I wanted to fucking hit him with the car. There's a hurricane going on and you're spinning the $99 sign.

Ain't nobody gonna call you Cogsucker. Oh my God. True, I mean, you just see these people, you're like, what are you thinking? There's a fucking typhoon going on. It was the, what the fuck, when the water goes back and it comes back. High tide?

No, the other one that they was getting. Tsunami? Tsunami, it was a fucking Tsunami. I don't know, I ain't know where the fuck cast the dog. What are you bothering me for? I always feel bad when I see people working outside. And then, did you see that thing in New York that they did? They had this kid pretend to be homeless

and people kept walking by for two hours, like in the snow? No, no, okay. But what do you expect? That's what New York is raised on. When you're walking in the snow, you're gonna stop to help some fucking dude. If he wants to sit there and ask for nickels,

that's his fucking business. Why should anybody stop? I don't know, tell me why, because I'm an American, I gotta stop for everybody who lays on the fucking floor. When the who's like a nine-year-old kid? Fuck him, what do you mind do? Maybe he's out there hustling, shoveling money.

And nobody stopped for him. One homeless guy did at the end of the video. Yeah, that's why, because he's bored to death. Nobody gives a fuck. If you're nine and you're sitting on the corner there and nobody, what was he doing, sitting there freezing? Yeah, with like a little trash bag. Oh, like what, like he had gotten thrown out?

Yeah, like they were saying his parents threw him out. But it didn't make sense to me, because if he was really that cold, he was in like shorts and a T-shirt, like wrapped up in a trash bag on the ground. Oh fuck, maybe I gotta stop. I mean, I thought you meant some kid in like a park with sneakers on.

Oh no, no, yeah, he had like no clothes on. Oh no, then you gotta stop. Worst case not, you're selling to somebody for 10 bucks. I don't fucking, I don't fucking know. What do you do with something? I mean, you know, you live in a fucking, you live in a society where every time I wake up, there's a different coach molesting a fucking student.

Right. Right, there's a teacher fucking this one, a coach, a parent, this, that, you know. So in a way, I'm scared to talk to kids. You are? Yeah, if a kid's not my kid, why don't I gotta talk to them before? I don't want them to say this chubby dude

came over and asked me to lick his ball. I don't need that aggravation in my life. Well, what do you do if someone says hi to you, Mercy? Do you get freaked out? I'm an adult. Yeah. If I'm there, I look at what is ambitious, what is, you know, what his intentions are.

I mean, you know, sometimes there's a couple with their own kid and they go, you have a cute kid. But there's a guy at the park that I know is creepy. When I take it to the one park, the North Hollywood, and I walk around the long park, there's a dude that always comes around. He's always like lurking in the shadows when I leave Mercy for five minutes, he runs up.

And I had to ask him one time, what are you doing here, man? And he didn't know what the fuck, like he may believe like I didn't know it, but I know his number. That's a fucking, that motherfucker lives in a tree with lollipops in his pocket. And he fucking falls out when the parent goes to a car to get car keys or some shit. I'm telling you, he has like a creepy hat.

He does. He wears like one of those people, like a Jimmy Buffett, like he's going to the Bahamas, one of those fucking hats. And I never see him walking around. He just always pops up when Mercy's by the fence. Yeah, that has to be scary. Yeah, they'll take her right to Mexico. They get fucking 200 for that little fucking cute kid.

These motherfuckers, how many kids are abducted in this country every year? When you hear the number, it's mind-boggling. Is it really? Yeah, it's mind-boggling. Look it up if you want. Child abductions in the United States of America on a yearly basis, and then you break it down

to a monthly and a weekly, it's fucking absurd what they do. And who knows what they do with these fucking kids? You know, they ship them to other countries. Who the fuck knows? They sell them to people and other... Are you starting to teach her? Like, what do you do with strangers?

Because she's going to daycare. She's two and a fucking quarter, you know, not even. She's two and two months. I mean, she has stranger danger, but children have natural instincts. You know, you have natural instincts that you know. I look at her a lot when I have friends over. I look at her a lot how she reacts

because they don't know. They just go like by an energy. You know, they're real, they're children, but... Mercy's okay. This morning at the park, I had a little situation. Some kid took her fucking... She, you know, I took her to the park early, like nine in the morning.

There's about 10 kids at the park, a couple of parents, a couple of Mexican nannies. They bring the food and everything, Doug. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. How many abductions? 800,000. 800 fucking thousand. 800,000 abductions a year in the United States of America.

Yeah, it doesn't say if it's America or the world, but that's a lot of kids. That's a lot of fucking kids, my friend. And it's a 200,000 word abducted by family members. Well, yeah, let's say you go through a divorce. Did you ever think about doing that? No. No? Oh, what happened? Any news?

No, she never called. That was just a smoke screen to buy herself more time. Which I don't give a fuck. What are you gonna do, you know what I'm saying? Divide it by 12 equal fucking, shh. That's 60,000 kids a month or something. A year, maybe. Well, it's 800,000 a year.

Yeah, so 60,000 a month. Oh, yeah, a month, fuck. Oh, 70,000, I don't even fucking know. You know what I mean? I can't figure this fucking phone with the digits and the domes. I did what I had to do. I'm gonna continue to call.

Yeah. I called this morning again and said, hey, thank you for watching. Really? Yeah, man, because I got feedback from people who listen to the podcast. Yeah. A lot of people.

I got a very interesting one this week from a gentleman who said he never met his father. And he kept asking the mother and the mother wouldn't tell him. And one day he went looking for the father. And what, back with him was that the father really didn't care that he even lived. And he goes, what got me about you

is that you at least care. Stick in there, you know? And I don't know if she'll ever call. And she might not ever call. You know? But I opened the door, man. Right. And it's the best you could do in this life.

Opening the door for somebody, letting them know what their options are. And you put the ball in their court. And maybe she's not getting the message. What do you want me to fucking do? If she's not getting the message, hopefully when she dies, she'll go to fucking hell. I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck to tell you, you know? Have you seen Gabriel's latest special in the fluffy movie? No, I have not. A big part of his act. And spoiler, if you're gonna watch it, because I watched it last night. Is it about his father?

It's about his father coming back. Right. And now he doesn't know how to act. 30 years later. And he said he was freaked out, but now he's doing it. He's happy he did it. They have a good relationship.

But apparently his son, like he adopted his son. Like it's his wife's from a different guy. And apparently the guy emailed and said, oh, I want to see my son. And he said, oh, I'll wait until it's been 30 years for me. So as I was watching and I was just thinking, it's the opposite side. Like, do you ever think about how she's gonna react?

It's the opposite. Like it was the opposite side of what- Yeah, this is why she hasn't called. Because maybe she doesn't know. Maybe she doesn't know, guy. You know? This is a lot. This is a lot to prop.

When I left in 2095, that day in the car, when me and John got into it, I really saw the damage I had done. You know, I saw the damage I had done to her. And the damage that was happening because she was getting questioned. And she didn't, you know, she's not a crime stopper. So they would ridicule her.

I don't know whatever the fuck they did to her. So listen, man, everybody's just to open the door is fine. Just to call once a month and say, hey, listen, let her know I'm thinking about it. That's it. I know what I did, you know? I know what I did. And that's all that matters at the end of the fucking day.

You move on. Right. I, you know, there's nothing that bothers me more when people take a subject, something they like that they're doing. And that's what they focus everything around. Every time you see them, that's their focus of conversation.

And that was me when this situation first happened in 95. Oh, I'm sure, yeah. This is all I discussed from 93 to 96. What kept me really together that whole time period that no matter how bad I felt for me to feel better, I'd forced myself to do comedy in those days. I just not made it like I, it wasn't a goal. It was a forcing.

And when I was out laughing, so I took that energy and I turned it into something else before it really got. So you've been, you've been good at that. It seems like for most of your life, cause with the comedy and then now with like the acupuncture, it's like, it seems like you, whenever you see something in yourself that you don't like,

you figure out a way to, to fix or try to fix it at least. Listen, today I went to John Evans's and I did a dead list and something else. And John and I were talking, I was doing sit ups with a 12 pound kettle bell where you put your arms all the way back and you do the sit up and it's, listen, I started with fucking nothing.

And then I got an eight pound ball. And what I do is when I go back, I lift my knees up, I push up, like I'm doing jiu-jitsu and I'm buckling off. And since my rotated cups are fucked up, I get that ball and I make the ball hit the back. So I make the ball hit the back and with the momentum I pick myself up.

You're following me. I couldn't do that without stopping and breathing. You know, when he told me, he goes, the first time you came into that class, I watched you the first class cause I was worried. He goes, after the hip escapes, I thought you were gonna die. But I went home and I said, I can't let that beat me.

That's just, you can't let something, something's gonna beat you. You can't beat everything. You can't be good at everything. But if you sit down and you put it into perspective and you go for it and you do what you honestly can, I try to go two to three times a week. If I go three times a week, my body is fucking wrecked.

If I go twice a week and I spread it out and I do like light lifting during the week with some kettle bells, I'm okay, you know? Right. And you learn this by trying it, you know? And that's it. I never wanted to let something beat me completely. You know?

I got beat up by cocaine for 30 fucking years. I finally beat that, but it took me 27 fucking years. You know what I'm saying? Right. Sometimes it takes some people long and others. So that's the beauty of it. But no, I don't ever want to be scared of something. I don't ever want to quit something because I couldn't do it.

I don't have a mechanical aptitude. I will never be able to fix a car. But I'll try. I could change oil. You know, if I had to, I could change a flat, you know? Right. Every time I change a flat, the dude who changes flats on the 405 always gets there late.

Yeah. You always have those guys that pull over and they get there fucking late for you, you know? So things, it's just trying, man. It's just trying different things. And then I think you started saying earlier with Mercy what happened with the toy, you had to go get her toy back.

That's like, that's a huge thing. Cause I was always a shy, nervous kid. And I still am, but I'm, I've been working on it, but I would, I would definitely have been the kid not to, not to go over and attack it. But so that's a cool thing that you're doing that way. Last night, Terry and Mercy had a situation in the bedroom. I don't know what happened.

Terry took something from her and it wasn't, she wasn't as mad as I could see her rolling her fist. Like she gets angry. She bounces. She shakes and shit. She gets pissed. And I didn't, I told my wife that I went, I didn't mind her crying.

She wouldn't do that. It's that little anger at the end. That's the Valdez side of her. She gets mad and whatever. I don't want Mercy to get pushed around. I don't want Mercy to ever get bullied. I don't even want Mercy to think that she deserves to get bullied or anything like that.

My mother really engraved that in me growing up. I wasn't, when I came from Cuba, I was very quiet and very shy until I got beat up for that fucking lunchbox. You know, and that really fucked with me. That, you know, they broke my head. They hit me in the fucking lunchbox and I got five stitches in my head and three stitches right fucking here.

You know, so that bothered me. I joined karate, I fucking, you know, I never wanted to be in that position again. You're not gonna beat up everybody. And you know, people gonna surround you and beat you fucking up once in your life on Lancashire. But at least you know how to cover up. At least you know how to breathe as you're getting punched.

At least you know these little things and they could save your life. You know, a lot of people say that, you know, self-defense classes really don't help you. You get something out of them that could save your life one night. You know, I go to, I used to go over a V-Mac and there's a little Filipino guy,

little John Delavere, a little Filipino nurse, you know. And he posted something on Facebook that Jiu-Jitsu really works, that some guy came into his thing and was out of control and he subdued him with side control. And he held him there until he had help and the cops came and stuff. So it saved everybody around him, you know.

Right. And that was Italy. When I got beat up that time, that really fucked with me. And somebody told me in Miami, a friend of my mom's, that that's what changed me. She goes, you went from fucking being a quiet, shy kid, that lunchbox hit you and fucking everything changed. You just got hit and you never wanted that again.

And when you, when I used to hang out at Mercy's house, Mercy Etha's house, this lady in Miami in an 148th hair in her mother when my stepdad shot the dude, when I used to hang out in that neighborhood, you fought every day over something. You argued, you pushed somebody. And I think that's what I liked, that I was forced to push and stick up for myself.

And the kids you ran with, you couldn't just say, I don't feel like fighting today. Right. You know, remember, a fight when you're fucking 19 and a fight when you're 10 or 11 is two different things. Right. You know, you follow me, there's no malice when you're 10 or 11.

It's just two kids duking it out until somebody gets a bloody nose or a punch lip. You're not gonna die. Right. You're not gonna die. So I was aware of that. Okay. So I didn't want people ever touching my basketball.

You know, I didn't want people taking my ball. You know, there's a lot of people that do weird things to you when you're playing as a kid, you know? Yeah. I saw this video today and I forget, I don't know what it was, but it was like one of those funny vines or supposed to be funny,

but this kid was going up and messing with a girl. And it really bugged me because that happened to me a lot. It wasn't, I got teased every once in a while, but the stuff that bothers me more than anything is like, like, you know when, oh, I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, stuff like that. Like people would do that, like, like go up and mess with you or,

and it, I look, like I look back on it. The only fight I ever really got in wasn't even really a fight. It was like, I was like a junior or senior in high school and this bigger, he was bigger than me, but he was like a freshman, kept like bugging me and he would like turn the lights off in the locker room. And one day I just got sick of it

and I took him, I didn't even punch him. I just slammed him against the lockers and nothing, nothing even happened. I got suspended, but looking back on it, I wish I'd done that more. Like we talked about a while ago how I didn't like how somebody dealt with me in the locker room. I forget what even happened.

But ever since then, I like, I didn't try to do that. And I would hate for mercy or any kid to like, I go, like sometimes I'll be going to sleep. I'll remember something that someone said that I fucking hated and I'll think of something I could say. So it's like, and it's not that my parents, maybe they didn't instill this in me or whatever, but maybe I was just too shy, but I think it's important.

I would never want anyone to like feel bad about being teased. And a lot of that's going on. Like this, in Boston this past week, this girl is getting charged with murder because one of her friends was suicidal and she told him to do it. And like he did it and he was like 16. And I could never imagine.

What neighborhood? Quincy or something? No, it was like a little bit out in the suburbs. Really? Yeah. And it was just like, I can't imagine committing suicide. Different, you know, when you're a kid,

you have so many fucking things going through your head. When you're a kid, man, you have so many different things and so many different insecurities. I mean, it's a fucking horror show. It really is hard to be a kid, you know? I had a fucked up day yesterday and I can't lie to anybody between the mushroom hungover and nothing,

it wasn't nothing bad. I got a call at 10 to 6 yesterday morning. I was up, I was in the living room right and drinking coffee, minding my own business. And I got a call from Anthony Venere, the assemblyman, you know? Right. And we spoke for like 20 minutes and it was all laughing.

I mean, we just laughed about music and the things we used to do, you know? And it perturbed me that I don't have those type of relationships no more, but it also let me know something that I knew for a long time, that I think that this is the topic of the book. It's those from 79 to 83.

I can't tell you what was going through my mind. At your moment passed away. But having those friends really saved my life. I mean, a lot has happened since this Bobby Cristina thing. It's made me understand who the fuck I was. And it's made me understand what happens to people. And if you're tight with your mom, when your mom passes, it does something to your insides, you know?

Or anybody passes. It just, our death is very weird on people. Especially that young. It affects people, especially when they're your whole world. When you have a parent or a sibling or somebody who's your whole world, doesn't even have to be a fucking parent. Why do I keep repeating that?

Could be anybody who means that the world to you, man. They were your world. You suffer when they die. You really suffer. It's a hard thing for some people. They really can't cope. I think it happens with animals too. Happens with animals, but it basically happens, you know?

I read something that a couple, two weeks ago, died a few hours apart, right? Did you read that? Yeah, holding hands. Holding hands, yeah. It really affects people a certain way. And I know a lot of people who listen to the podcast have suffered deaths.

I get things every day from people. That first two years is very rough. It's very rough. There's a lot of unanswered questions. And those unanswered questions fucking could eat you alive. Like what questions were you asking? Could I help? How did this happen?

God, how could this happen? I go to church every week, I pay taxes. You know, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Joe Schmoe, a good American who wakes up, who really believes in the system. And all of a sudden, some night, some guy runs a red light and kills his wife. You know what happens to that fucking guy?

Do you have any fucking idea what happens to that fucking guy? First, he starts saying, why was she out? Maybe she was going to get milk or something because he didn't stop and get it. There's so many fucking things. And there's so many different ways to beat yourself up. And so with this Bobby Christina thing, it hit home with me because it let me know,

I can't lie to nobody. I never thought about committing suicide. And I just got this email about three weeks ago. But I ever think of killing myself. I never thought of jumping off a bridge. I never thought of hanging myself. I never thought of slitting my wrist. But I think deep down inside, if I were to OD,

I would have been fine with it after my mother died. And when I was 17, I OD'd at Joe Luge's backyard. Yeah. On what coke? Everything. Quoi Luge Coke, alcohol. I just, I went to a party and I got over excited. Like a 16 year old girl does sometimes.

You would go to a party and there's a 16 year old girl who drank two Zimas and she's passed out. We all got over excited one night. And I had, at this time, I had been drinking and doing drugs. I was, I was, let me just tell Zach about it. Zach, my brother, I forgot to tell you, we're doing a fucking podcast. But when I get out of here, I'll give you a call.

Give me, let me about 430, all right, kid? All right, kill it by hand. My little brother, Zach. Is that Zach from the- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some stuff from him. I got a rash guard from him. I told him, and then on the way here, I go,

what the fuck did I tell him that for? I got to do a podcast. But ever since Bobby, that's happened to Bobby Christine, strengthened how, you know, that what I was feeling wasn't, like I said, I didn't want to die. I didn't want to jump out of the window and say, take me. No, but if I would have got, I remember the night that North American won

the state championship, I took a hit of acid, like strong acid, and I was walking down the street. I almost got hit by a car. Like a couple of friends of mine, like you were two minutes, it was, he was two inches, and they pushed me out of the way, you know, and I remembered that night. I remember the couple of nights- Were you trying to get hit?

I don't know, Lee. I don't know. I don't know what I was going through, you know. In those days, the end of the night felt, I didn't want the night to end. In those days, I would go out with my friends and on that walk home, when I was by myself, that was it. That's when it took over.

That's when the pain finally caught up. When you wake up in the morning and you wake up without somebody, whether you get a divorce, you get separated, you wake up with this fucking knot in your stomach, you know? Do you think if your mom had survived, you would have done coke for as much or as long as you did? Who the fuck knows? You wake up with this fucking knot in your stomach, right,

Lee, you know, of missing that person. Yeah. And once you get your day going, the fucking feeling goes away. Once you get involved in different things, your friends work, yeah, let's party Friday night, that's all, and then you meet your friends and you start drinking.

Once the pain starts to creep up about five o'clock, it's gonna be okay, because it's happy hours somewhere. And you can do a couple shots and you can fucking probably take a valium to calm you down. Then you go out with your friends and you drink and you smoke and they make you laugh and maybe you hear a song that reminds you of that person that you've been thinking about all day.

And then when you fucking go home, that's when the cake, that's when you're, you know, what's that song by the ghetto boys, four walls just staring at a brother, you know, that's it. You have four walls staring at you and you're alone. And that's when, when you're alone, that's when all that shit crashes on you. And here you are with your little coke

or your alcohol or whatever the fuck it is. And you, that's pain, that's pain, that's missing somebody, you know, that's, it's horrible. And I know what it's like. So, you know, they found her in a tub, you know, just like the fucking mother, she's still in the fucking coma. I mean, what was that girl,

I don't know if they're gonna charge the boyfriend or not. What I do know was that girl was having a hard fucking time. She was having a hard time with it. She had money, you know, it's not like me, that there was no Social Security, there was no fucking will, there was no fucking insurance policy, there was nothing. You know, this girl lived a lavish life, you know,

she had money, she had, you know, so my heart goes out there, man. I feel fucking horrible, but at the same time, it taught me what I was going through. And I'm very thankful that I had those kids in my life for those three years, you know? Right. Well, I didn't, I never wanted to put none

in my fucking nose growing up. And there was always a reason. I thought that once I put, it was okay to smoke pot, it was okay to do acid, it was okay to drink, it was okay to do all those things. But once you put something up your nose, that was the end. And I started putting shit up my nose, maybe 1978, maybe when I was about 15, I started fucking around 13,

14 with that THC crystal, which is like angel dust and you snort it. I didn't do coke till October, like a week before my mother died, it was the first time I had ever done coke with loops. Oh. What I had done it, no, because I think that the coke, I have a word for that when you snort coke,

it's self-medicated, I don't know. Right, yeah. And yeah, I think I would have snorted till as long as I did, because that's how long it took me to get rid of the pain or to learn to live with it, you know? And I was like five years overdue. You know, it was like when I got over my mother

and I got divorced, when I got over the divorce and I had to get over the lowest losing of my daughter, like how I was letting this happen. I wasn't mad because that wasn't a part of our life. I was mad at myself for letting this happen, for letting this get to this part. But what was I gonna do? What do you want me to do?

Kill people? I couldn't do that. Right. That was the only rage I could use to get even. And I wasn't gonna let a child get raised, no parents, how I was raised. So it was no one option. I had to just, all I could do was get stronger,

which is the whole purpose, even as a comic. All you could do is get stronger. You know, you don't have a TV show, nobody's talking to you? Fine, there's ups and valleys in life. There's peaks and valleys. Right. There's ups and valleys in fucking careers.

But you're a steady, you keep doing what you're doing every fucking day. You keep writing your jokes. You keep lifting your weights. You keep whatever, making those calls. You keep doing what you do. No matter what's going on. I don't give a fuck.

I do the same boring shit every day. I do the same shit every day that needs to be done, you know, and it's boring and I don't like doing it, but I know that's what takes me to the next fucking level, you know, and it has. How do you get funny by fucking getting on stage and writing and shedding the fat off your body that you're hiding?

You know, when you first start becoming a comedian, you just say these little fucking weird jokes, then as you evolve, you talk about the pain of what you're going through. Right. And it takes getting on stage. Same thing with jiu-jitsu. I suck at jiu-jitsu because I can't do jiu-jitsu

four or five times a week, you know, six months straight without going on the road or something. But if I could commit myself to jiu-jitsu, I know what you put in is what you get out. You don't see it right now. It might take three years. It might take six years. It might take 11 years.

But it's going to happen if you stick it out, you know? Right. And then it's kind of, I watched this really interesting documentary last night. I didn't think I was going to like it, but it was about the YouTube stars, like the people who are on YouTube making videos. And so many of them talked about they would keep doing this

if they weren't making money from it. And it's kind of like what you were just talking about. You have to do it to get the results, but you also want to be doing something that you would do without the money. Like I know you don't want to, like you would still do comedy if no one paid you. Yeah, I'd still do comedy.

I'd still do this. I'd still do a thousand things. I still do a thousand things because I love doing it. If you don't love doing it for free, you know, even if they pay you, it's not going to work out for you. And there's some people who love changing tires. There's some people who, you go into a restaurant, man, and they're a tremendous fucking waiter or waitress.

They just really care. They just really believe. You know who's faking the funk? Yeah. And I don't know, it's just, I've always never believed in faking the funk. Go up there and give it everything you got. You only get one shot at this.

You know, my mom fell through on a couple things with me and a lot of moms do because nobody's the perfect parent. But she instilled that in me, that never let somebody in your private space to never to stick up for, you know, there's a point. You can't get mad at everybody and everything. You can't yell at everything. But you know when somebody is intruding on your space,

somebody is purposely going out of their way, you know? Right. And you have to stop them. And the more you let, it's not going to work out for you. And there's two ways. You pull them aside and you tell them the truth. You know, and that's one way. Or then after that,

you gotta hit them with a faking beer bottle. I don't faking know, but you have to, and that's what this place doesn't really, people in this town really don't want to hear that. They want to, you know, if you say something, you're a bad person or you have a bad faking attitude. You know, nobody wants to get checked. I hate that word checked.

Nobody wants to get spoken to about something, you know? So it happens, man. Yeah. Why don't you like the word checked? It just sounds too fake. Like I checked them and shit. What do you play hockey with? They're faking checked out second.

What's going on? What are you gonna do with mama this weekend? We're watching House of Cards because we, I was gone last weekend. That's a three faking days. Well, no, it's not gonna take three days. It's like 13 episodes. So it's like a day and a half.

So it's all 13? Yeah. And you watch them all? Fuck yeah. What do you do? What do you want? You get high? You do anything?

You rub her feet? No, I had dick afternoon today though. That was fine. Did you really get mama stabbing this time? Yeah. If I wouldn't have beat you up about this, you wouldn't really, yeah. No, it was good stuff.

There's no faking lunch without dick. You gotta work that appetite up and shit. What time did you pick her up? We went to the gym at 11 and then we went and had a... Lunch? Lunch, yeah. And then you went home and gave her the faking juice stick of death.

Yeah. Look at you dirty bastard. That was fun. Was the monkey old dirty and shit? No, we took a shower. We got some wank through it. No, it took showers. You meant to take a shower?

I didn't make her, she... No, you told her you should eat that ass with the faking little wank through it, the little elliptical fucking wank through it. You know what I'm saying? What do you think I should do? There's this really, like really big girl that just came and started coming to the gym

and she was on the elliptical and like she had a hoodie on and I could see like she was dying. Like, and I was gonna go up and do what someone did for me, like say, nice job you're doing, but like I felt weird. Do you ever go and talk to somebody at the gym? Didn't give you so, a bigger person?

I smile. That's it. Sometimes a wink is as good as a nod to a blind one. No, you smile, sometimes people are embarrassed. Yeah. You know, sometimes people are embarrassed. I want to embarrass her. But if you see her a couple of times, then say something.

Wait till she's there two or three weeks. Okay. Maybe she quits, then fuck her. You know, but if you see her two or three weeks, go up to her and say, you're a bad mother. Fuck, I see you. If I wasn't fucking hooked up, I'd bite that fucking leg.

Look at it hanging over the fucking pant. There was Zumba today at the gym. Come on. Oh my God, they were going crazy. It was like a bunch of middle-aged Mexican women. And they were doing the, They go fucking bananas. Mexicans love Zumba.

I told Paul we should do it. And I think they have a weekend Zumba class. I'll tell you what, I went to Tuesdays, Tuesday mornings, if I don't have anything, Terry drops Mercy off at school, and then I meet her at the Y during yoga class. I wave at her, she's in yoga class, and I go do my little workout.

And then she goes to Zumba class. And I had my earphones on, so I couldn't really hear what the fuck she was doing. I couldn't really hear, and I thought I was hearing my own music. And something happened, I went to drink water, and I could hear her Zumba class. It was alive.

It's not Zumba, it's like hip hop with Zumba. I'll tell you what, man, my wife goes twice a week. She's already lost like eight pounds in two weeks. Yeah, they don't fuck around in there. They don't fuck around. That burns a lot of calories, I suppose. It has to, yeah. You should go in there and Zumba, take a star of debt.

Oh my God, no. And Zumba, you fucking Zumba your way into fucking Scamers. I'll even take a Zumba with you. We'll go in there and play a little fucking hip hop, jump up and down. We should take these cameras out. And then after we work out, I take it to lunch.

So it's nice, we go for a healthy lunch. It's fucking great. That's what we did today, yeah. Nice little Tuesday afternoon date before I go to fucking Cleveland tomorrow. I'm excited about going to Cleveland. The only thing is already people hitting me up about going to get pastrami on Friday

and going to get corned beef. I can't eat fucking shit during length on fucking Fridays. I gotta stick to seafood. Oh, you do that? What are you giving up for lunch? I gave a pasta and white bread. That's tough. Which I had to give up anyway.

I just put whole wheat and I don't taste the difference. Yeah, you were saying there's a lot of carbs in it? Cause I had it last night, I didn't know there was a lot. Just as many as whole wheat. But the whole wheat has more fiber, you know, the pasta just sits in your fucking stomach at night. The whole wheat at least pushes that fucking, all that dead stuff out of your mouffle.

I took some good mushroom poops apparently. Yeah, you don't want to eat, we should eat a little piece of mushroom. What do you think? Well, I respect. I would, but don't, I'm worried cause I'm feeling the star right now. Do you think it's a waste?

Fuck no, you feel the star. Cause I didn't feel the star on Monday. You didn't? No. So you went home and you didn't eat? I ate, but not that much. That's the star. If you ate, that's the star.

You don't get hungry on mushrooms? Fuck no. You put some coffee on this motherfucker? Forget about a little coffee drink. Smoke a few cigarettes, they can't stop the flying, Jew. It was so cool. It was fun. It's nice, mushrooms are very nice.

This kid knew what he was fucking doing. He really did, and I loved him. He had a beautiful, I mean, I had a great time talking to him. I gave him some hard candies. I know his name, I just don't want to rat him out. I love him to death. It's weird how much he's listening. Drug education works.

Cause like, I always thought mushrooms was like, I would never do mushrooms or acid. And I had more fun on mushrooms than I do on these edibles. Please, that's what those mushrooms are for, doctor, and you didn't put no music on. No, I watched Gabriel's special. See, we should have got stoned to the gazelles

and taken you home and turned the lights off. And we could have listened to Pink Floyd fucking animals from beginning to end. You would have been a different man. Once I put the lights on, an hour later, you just sort of been sitting there going, I got it. Mission fucking completed, chubby. What's up, Lee, with your little Ninja Turtles shirt on?

Yeah, I like the Ninja Turtles. No, I'm feeling good. I don't know, man, I'm fucking, I'm really fucking high. Are you really? You're supposed to be high. It's Wednesday. It's a beautiful fucking one. Everybody's freezing.

Everybody's living like a fucking Eskimo. I got to pay a short time or white t-shirt on with holes in it. Who's better than me? It's fucking 70 degrees out there. Great. Have you been to Cleveland before? The only time I've ever, I would stroll through once.

A lot of Puerto Ricans in Cleveland. Really? One of the biggest Puerto Rican communities in the fucking country, bigger than the Bronx. Because during the 60s, the 50s, or 40s, I don't know somebody correct me. A lot of the car dealers were there. The car manufacturers were there.

So they went down to Puerto Rico to recruit. So it's got to, I didn't know. One time I was at the Cleveland Improv, maybe 1999. And that's when the calling card was big. And I walked over a couple blocks and bam, there I was in a Puerto Rican neighborhood buying a nickel bag and drinking a fucking Coco Rico. What are you, nuts or what?

Dropping it, you shit, on a fucking Cleveland. What's a Coco Rico? It's a little coconut carbonated soda. They sell in New York and the Bronx. It's up the corner. Across the street, there's a Puerto Rican restaurant called, what's it called? Mofongo.

Mofongo. And there they sell Coco Rico's. It's a little coconut carbonated water. Not bad. Puerto Ricans drinking up in the Bronx. I used to get in the bottle and rub it on your fucking face if you have a little cut or something just teasing. It's just fucking coconut soda, it's bad for you.

Oh, okay. But it's not bad. But yeah, it's got a nice Puerto Rican neighborhood. They got a nice pastrami place where people stand online on Friday. I've been there a couple of times. Have you ever been to a cool beef? A Browns game?

It seems like it'd be really fun. No, I went to an Orioles game. Orioles, what Orioles is it? Baltimore. Baltimore, whoever fuck plays in the. Cleveland Indians. Indian game, because my friend used to be married to what's his name, sister, the shortstop.

The really good shortstop in the late 90s. So when I went one time, I went on his tickets. I went to a couple of places. I like Cleveland. Yeah, they seem like, it's a blue collar, real fucking city, man. That's where I belong. I'm excited.

I don't give a fuck. Last time I was there, it was right after the longest yard. And I ate dick. Really? I ate dick at the improv for a week. I ate shit. Was it just people thinking you were gonna do the longest yard stuff?

What do you do for the longest yard? What do you want me to do? You're gonna take me fucking getting hit by fucking football players? I don't know. No, I don't know what they thought. I just didn't really have it together. I was still doing a lot of blow.

I really didn't even know about headlining. I was just going up there and doing what I thought of headlining did. I mean, now I'm starting to finally get the fucking dealer after 20 years, but I didn't really grasp it. Until I took that one year and I went to see a bunch of headliners do their stuff. And Greg Harado and Patrice O'Neill,

there was a couple guys that I watched do their hour. And not on a cable either live. And I really learned how to headline. You know, there's some guys that really, really headlined. And it's very interesting when you see a feature act and a headliner. There's times you go see a guy that's supposed to be headlining and that was me in 2005.

I was headlining the show, but I was not a headliner. There's a big fucking difference. I was a glorified feature act. I wasn't a black belt. I was a glorified purple belt. But now I can headline with fucking. Now I know how to do it. There's beats, there's sections, you know.

The check comes, there's different things. A lot of guys don't like when the check gets dropped. Because it takes your attention. I love that shit. I love running right through that shit. So everybody has that different taste. But I learned how to headline, you know. I always run into comics and they tell me how they headline.

And I look at them and I'm happy for them. And I'm hoping that they're learning. That's what they should be telling me. Hey man, I got a headlining gig, but I'm really learning how to headline. Rogan's a phenomenal headliner. A lot of people are great headliners, you know. And that's why you pay $35 because they're fucking

headliners, you know. You pay $20 for me because I'm a middle of a road type motherfucker. I'll still rock your world. I'll put a finger up your ass. I'll do it all. But what does that say to you? I had a conversation with people on Facebook. I made some statements on Facebook.

How about what? When I was about 19, I knew these dudes. And they hijacked trucks. All right, I knew one of the guys. And he's in jail. He's probably out by now. I knew a chick that he'd call. He used to pay her a grand a month to call her and talk

dirty to him on the phone from jail, this kid, right? But anyway, I knew these guys and they hijacked trucks. And one time, they took me to hijack a truck. And the one time I went, the cops came and asked me questions and shit. We hijacked a truck in Jersey. I was a young man. I didn't know what I was doing.

I didn't even know what hijacking was, guys. But he got arrested about six months later. And I was very happy that I wasn't hanging out with him. I had just known him from high school. And he got arrested. And one day, I get a call if I could help out with a plan they had. How was my driving?

Did I have any points on my license? Would I be interested in driving with them? They were doing something. And I asked what they were doing. And they said they were going to break this particular guy, Georgie, out of the fucking jail. But they were going to break him out through going to the hospital.

So what he would do was he would tell the hospital staff he had heart problems. And then when he'd get to the hospital, he'd get permission to call the attorney to call his family and tell them what was going on. The attorney would call his friends and say what hospital he was at. And they'd stake out the route.

So he kept doing that. And I was getting wind, because one of my friends was going to bust him out of fucking jail. This is how crazy this is. And you're like, yeah, let me drive. I forgot all about this until about a week ago. Oh my god. So Shug Knights keeps getting these fake heart attacks

and all these things. And that's what Shug Knight is doing. So what you do is you go to the hospital and you fucking plan the route. Because he knows he's going to do life. He knows he's going to do life. Shug Knight is that crazy. Let's say Shug Knight has $1 million in the bank.

He's offering somebody right now $250,000 to bail him out, to pay him out. So what you do is you go to the hospital, you get to the hospital, you call your attorney, and then tell your attorney what hospital you're in. So after like two or three times, the people who are going to break you out see the route of how the fuck.

This is how crazy Shug Knight is. I'm telling you guys, he ain't got no fucking problems. You might be calling it right now. I'm calling you guys right now. I'm telling you right now, doggy. You got to listen. I've always told you motherfuckers that there's people who think they're criminals

and there's motherfucking criminals. And I see it coming a mile fucking way. I may not know about how the moon or the stars. I may not know about animals and fucking galaxies and Buddhism. But I see a fucking, I know a rat when I fucking see one. I don't know much about life. I'm telling you. But there's a certain fucking walk and talk

that people do that leads you to keep watching him. And that's all he's doing right now. So they would get to the hospital, call the fucking attorney, tell him, and they would get the path back to see. What happened with this situation with my buddy was they were taking him to different hospitals. So you really couldn't get the route down.

And then one time he went, but the guys fell, I don't know what the fuck happened. So just to let people know at home, sometimes see shit for what, now he's claiming that he's blind. His? I don't fucking know. I don't believe, listen,

Shug Knight is a desperate man and people were desperate through desperate fucking things. So you smell it. You see the steps, people. You break the motherfucker down and then you fucking take a guess of what he's gonna do. And then you see him putting the pieces together and boom, that's what he's gonna fucking do.

What do you think you're dealing with guys? Some fucking novice. You think I'd have a podcast with the flying juice? I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. Again, I don't know a lot about a lot of things. I don't know about chemistry. I don't know about geometry, but I know how to put a fucking,

I know how to put a move together. You understand me? From fucking scratch all the way to the end. Took a different version of that song from Animal House. Like, I don't know much about Don Donna. Like it was, it's the one that should remix that, but with what you just said. Put your head back down, Lee.

I don't know what. It's time for you to eat a mushroom. You want a mushroom? No. You want a piece? You want to know what the fuck it's there. So Wednesday, it's a beautiful day to be alive. You're lucky I don't have plans to let them not,

we beat these fucking, the whole thing this time. We go deep. How much do I have? And like numbers, you know? You had a quarter. I gave you a quarter of that. I ate the whole thing and the other piece fell on the floor.

The other piece should be on the fucking floor. What's around here? Like a quarter of a gram or just like? No, look how small they are. They're very fucking small. Cause I've always heard like it comes in grams. Right. It comes in grams and eight,

but I don't know what the hell he broke it into. It's just a little fucking bore, right? Yeah. It's like one of the cat foods. It looks like one of Demi's cat bowls. Are you sure that's not somebody's like gum they spit out in a wrapper? No, it's not.

I can tell what the fucking looks like. I've been doing this shit for years. You know how I knew? The wrapper. The wrapper is what I noticed. That's a unique wrapper. They don't make these no more. This is wax paper.

This is old school. Nobody puts that shit away. I remember when Blow used to come and fuck on wax paper. Really? Yeah. Come on, guy. Who the fuck? Anyway, that's what we're at.

So don't believe the shit night thing. That dumb motherfucker is trying to break out of something. One of those fucking LA County hospitals and shit. And he's probably going to try it. Do you think it's publicity for the movie? Or do you think he's really just... What movie? That's not his movie.

He was on it, wasn't he? No, that's not his movie. That's the other guys. He was on the set of the film. Hanging out like a big guy. Oh, okay. I thought it was part of it. I thought he was part of it.

No, what? Him running over somebody, you think that's publicity? That motherfucker's dead. That's murder I come from, Lee. That's past fucking... That's a little too past for fucking publicity. Running over somebody. That means you mean it, you know?

You smacks a reporter or something or throw the camera on like Bert Reynolds dead in the longest yard, you're 80, you're gonna push a fucking reporter. What's the matter with you? What publicity? There's no fucking publicity, you fucking dummy. You smacked a fucking reporter. You know, publicity?

You mean he's going to jail for life? That's it, he's got... He was on parole or probation. For the Cat Williams thing? For everything. For fucking everything he's done. Calm as a motherfucker, Lee. He knew Tupac was getting killed.

He set that up. He killed that man. He killed that little fucking black kid in cold blood, man. That little kid didn't deserve that. He shot that boy in cold blood. And he's the one that set up the fucking robbery in New York to make it look like it was fucking Biggie Smalls and those guys.

Come on, man. Fucking shame, fucking shame. And that's what happens. That difference between being a criminal and trying to be a cute criminal. There's always people who try to be just a little fucking cuter than you. And those people always end up in the wrong side.

Listen, if you're gonna be a fucking criminal, there's a certain honor amongst thieves. You know, there's a certain fucking honor amongst thieves. You can't be robbing the thieves. That's why I got caught in the kidnap because I tried to be fucking cute. Same thing. I know when somebody's trying to be fucking cute, you know?

Right. What do you think, cocksucker? I'm not thinking much right now. Fuck, this is strong. What are you gonna eat tonight? This is not strong. I gave you 25. No, God damn it, they're 125 milligrams.

You said it on the fighter and the kid, and I've seen all the rappers. You said yesterday they were putting fake stickers on. I put fake stickers on there to fucking scare people, to scare fucking gentiles. You're my brother. But I gave you 125 fucking milligrams. Because you like seeing what happened?

No. Do you see that thing someone put up to us on Facebook that like San Antonio Police Department got those? Like they found a shipment on a train and they said they were trying to market it to kids. Who? The Grumis, like the San Antonio Police Department, the Anarchy Gummies.

Listen, Anarchy Gummies, that guy's a fucking, that guy's gonna, this edible is so fucking tremendous. Oh, I know, but I was saying how stupid they were. They're fucking brownies, fucking tremendous. The Rice Krispy Treat is tremendous. You don't need to give the fucking kids. No, no, no, I was saying how stupid the police department is. Yeah, well, San Antonio, you know,

they're sitting there waiting for something to fucking happen. Last thing that happened there was the Alamo. You know, that's the last action that happened there. What the fuck? So they find this, oh, they're peddling at the kids. Nobody's peddling at the kids. Peddling at the kids is when you've given edible

to an elephant or a fucking gummy, a ninja turtle. If you got a ninja turtle eating a fucking star at death, then you're peddling at the fucking kids. You're peddling that shit to adults. There's nothing about kids on there. It even says, let me tell you what it says right here. See, it says 25 milligrams THC. 125 milligrams?

75 milligrams THC for that. That's 25. Deep refrigerated, sugar, gelatin, food, color, flavoring, cannabis, or a home of the Red Star candies. It says 2,000 fucking seven, all right? Then it says warnings, keep out of reach of kids. These little dumb fucks will die. No, it's cannabis, animals, may cause drowsiness,

alcohol, may intensify the effect, do not drive or operate heavy machinery, and compliance with California Prop 315, whatever. Not for resale. So I couldn't resell it to you, you son. No, dog, these are good people. All they're trying to do, man, is get their product out. They make really good animals.

Yeah, they fucking do. Yeah, they do, but listen, for some reason, I've always lucked out and got really good animals. I don't eat nothing that's cacus. You know that. I got the fucking bang. I got the this, Chiba Choo, the cookies, and the little chocolates, which I got some today,

for the plane ride to mama. I'm gonna drop one of those fucking brownies on that flight. I'm gonna close my eyes. Were you high for that entire time when you were stuck there for nine hours? I dropped three stars. I had three stars left, I didn't know, and I dropped them. What did you do for the nine hours?

I got to the airport and I was okay. I had some breakfast, I had some oatmeal, and then I dropped the first two stars, because I had a funny feeling the flight was gonna be delayed. Not to mention I smoked some really good herb before I got in the car, so by the time I got to the airport, I was already chis-izzed. And then the first delay was when I popped the second star.

By lunchtime, I was gone, gone. But then I found Ricky Rotman, who's the drummer for Poison, he's good friends with Eddie Bravo and Salami, he's a jiu-jitsu guy, he trains at Street Sports, and Santa Monica, and I told him, it was the anniversary, he goes, I don't know if we met before. I go, no, no, we met before,

but I don't know if you remember me, I just wanna say hello, I was with Higgins' workshop that time, and he remembered, and we talked until the plane came, and then we even talked on the plane, I got upgraded, he got upgraded, and we just sort of made the afternoon go by a little easier, it was a pregnant chick we sat with, that was really cute.

But you weren't freaking out being so high? Not at all, listen, there's nothing, 20 years ago, who were you gonna get mad at? The snow, the tire, who am I gonna get mad at? No, no, no, I'm mad at, but you were so high. That's perfect, at least I'm not straight, in the fucking airport, walking around like the rest of these fucking zombies.

I'd rather be gazilled than an airport. Prepared, you gotta be prepared, and I was prepared. They told me it was gonna snow on fucking Sunday, I said, you know what, what if I get stuck in a hotel room? I got no reefer, I got no edible, it's okay, you get stuck in an edible, you get stuck in a hotel room, but no reefer and edible,

that's impossible. How could you survive? I saved it, for the Lord's Day, and there you have it, I'm very happy I did. I could have been a fucking gavel. You don't get nervous on TSA people? No, why should I get nervous? I'm just fucking taking care of myself,

not bothering nobody. I just get a little high before I get this, it's not like I'm at the airport, giving out stars and yum-yums to fucking, you know, which would be perfect, because that'd be fun. Let me give some shout outs here, that would be fucking fun, man, but no, no, no. You gotta be prepared when you fly,

a lot of people are never fucking prepared, then they get pissed off. I got the book, I got the computer, I got the sleep-out-in-the-machine, I put the mask right on the fucking seat now. I found the plug now, it's over. I don't fuck around, you know, sometimes I get on a plane, I'm so fucking stoned,

I can't do nothing, I gotta sit there like a mook. Now, no, it's over. I go upstairs, I take the mask out, I plug it in, it's over, it's nappy-noo-noo time, for about an hour and a half now. I'm gonna sleep tomorrow morning fucking too, I'm gonna get zilled before that car comes tomorrow morning. By the time I get to the airport,

I'll be on fire like Madonna in 84, boom, Cleveland here, I fucking come, no drama sales, motherfuckers. I wanna give a shout out to the impeccable G, I love you, Mikey Armstrong, Chung Kennedy, you bad motherfucking Asian, Brandy Lin, who loves you more than Uncle Joey, Luke Miller, Jordan Stevens, Oscar Morales and Sandman, AKA Andy,

you bad motherfucking, who's better than you guys, you know what I'm saying? The fuck, what are you looking at me all weird like, you know? No, I forgot to give you credit, doing that $30 upgrade on Virgin made such a difference. It was so cool, because I got priority through security, and then I was in row four, so I got off the plane at no time,

it was totally worth 30 bucks. Who takes care of you like Uncle Joey? I'm gonna give you bad information. Listen, sometimes I may appear like a fucking bad guy, you know, when I talk to Lee, I love Lee like a fucking son, and I don't want Lee, you know, you gotta fucking get into it,

I want Lee to live his fucking, I was telling the Agostino last night, the Agostino went to the store with me, and after my long day yesterday, I told the Agostino that I get really frustrated, sometimes with you and him, and a lot of the young men that age, because sometimes I think like,

like even me with you, sometimes I think like I'm holding you back. Like, I don't know, like at 26, I want you motherfuckers to do it all. At 26, if I could do it all over again, I would do it all. I would try it all. I don't ever want you guys not to try it all.

That's all you owe yourself. You really do, you really fucking do. If I could do it all over again, do you have any fucking idea? If I could make a list now of all the things I wanted to do, all the things I wanted to try, I never learned how to play the guitar, I never fucking did this,

I never surfed, I never did a lot of fucking things. I would try all those things. Anybody could fall in love, any fucking idiot could do, get a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but to really fucking do what the fuck you want to do. I told the Agostino like when I was talking to Venere yesterday in the morning,

I thought about how crazy our lives were. There was no sleep and it wasn't about drugs. It was just about, we were that close to New York. I don't know, I don't know what it was, but we were inseparable. I was always with somebody, we were always going somewhere.

We didn't have any money. I had a couple hundred hours from selling pills or something. I didn't have thousands or nothing like that. You had $150 and you did things. And I'm saying I didn't do all those things. I didn't do them. I wish I was fucking 26. I sit down and make a fucking list, man.

And say, these are the things I'm gonna try by the time I'm 32. And then when I'm 32, this is my other list, you know? And do like two things a fucking year that you really wanted to do, you know? I don't understand, I see what you're saying. Sometimes I feel bad and I told the Agostino, I go, you know, I wanted to run a restaurant.

I want to do a lot of fucking things, you know, that I didn't try that. Cause I was too caught up in drugs and stupidity and being a dumb fucking criminal that I wish I could have had the experience to do. You know, I was watching, the other guy was going through the channels and grudge matches on.

They was at the end and Stallone went to eat and he saw the black guy, they fired. And he goes, what are you doing here? And he goes, man, I always wanted to be a waiter. What a better time to try. You know, people lose their jobs or they think it's the end of the world. No, that's the universe telling you,

this is the time to try what the fuck you want to do, regardless of what everybody fucking thinks of you. Well, regardless of how you live, just prepare yourself. If I was a young, like I told Diego Steele, Diego Steele went out and got himself another girlfriend. I love her, she's a great kid. But if you really want to get into comedy, I told Diego Steele, you should have came to my house

and go here, here's 100 bucks a month. I'm going to fucking live in your closet when I'm in town. I'm going to put my shit here, I'm going to live in your fucking closet and I'm going to go out there and enjoy comedy and travel and fucking meet people and get in the car. If I was 26 and I wanted to be a comedian, I'd get just the right amount of car,

like I did for a little while, like Stanhope. Everybody wants to wonder why Stanhope was so good, because he got in the car, he filled it with everything he would need, from granola bars to foot warmers to a toenail cutter to a pillow and he got on the road and he went and lived his fucking dream. That's it, there was nothing holding

that fucking savage back, nothing. And I tried to duplicate that for a while, I didn't know, I didn't know that's what you had to do, but I figured in my mind that's what you got to do. You got to commit and sleep in your car and see what you go through. You know, nobody wants to go through that fucking nightmare, but I figured the quicker I did it,

the quicker I'd get out of that zone. I lived in my car for like four or five years, it happens, you know, three years. That's why I'm doing this now, I've thought about that, because I keep getting asked now if I'm going to propose to Paula. And it's not that I want to be with anybody else, but it's just, I feel like if I'm going to do this,

I can't, I couldn't do it if I was married or had a kid, or it'd be harder to, so it's one of the reasons. Paula's a good lady, Paula's got how much longer in school? A year and a half. A year and a half, and then another year of fucking working under somebody taking shit. That's two and a half years before Paula's even going to see daylight.

You know what, what's she going to do with you anyway? What's she going to do with you for the first year out of college? You're going to be working 80 hours. She might as well be staying at her mother's house, you know, I mean seriously. Listen, if you're in love and you're going to get married at 25 or 26,

you know, I want you to be in love. Don't get married, because you think you got to get married. No, it could be any time. You could marry a motherfucker at any fucking time, you know, and that's what, hey, it works for different people. It doesn't work for everybody. Right. You know, it didn't work for me, you know,

but I did how much effort that I put into my fucking marriage. Not much. I was a stupid 26 year old. I thought, oh, you got to do his fucking pay rent and she'll do the laundry and cook your meals. Got to put work into your fucking marriage, you know? I'm not ready for it.

And she's really cool about it. She doesn't really ask me for it. No, where the fuck she going? She knows. You got no time right now. You got shit to do and you got to make your way. Who wants to marry a brookster anyway? Right.

You don't want to fucking marry her and then realize you got to go back to editing six days a fucking week. Right. Right, you want to do it and then nobody's seeing nobody. Nobody's seeing nobody. And then what, then that's the beginning of the fucking end.

That's the beginning of the end. Her job is going to be minimum. Like her light week is going to be 60 hours a week until she starts making Gidas and she could choose and pick clients and until she picks her practice. I mean, it doesn't, it's going to be, you know, 60 hours a week minimum.

Right or wrong? Minimum. And then once she gets going, yeah, she'll have two hours in the afternoon to come see Lee and give him a little staminke juice on his helmet. But until then, you know, you're focused, man. You're focused right now, you know? And that's why I was telling the other side,

I'm going to talk to Lee and go for it, Lee. You want to do another podcast, you know? That's why I told you two weeks ago, didn't I not call you and say to you, what's with this fucking podcast? Yeah. Were you scared? Yeah, I was scared.

I go, put this fucking thing up. But it's been really cool. If it blows, it blows, then we'll do another one. Then you do one where you play in a harmonica singing juice songs. I don't fucking know, but you're never going to know until you fucking try. It's so weird.

It's so weird that we all do the same shit. I do the same shit all the time. But until you try, hey, I don't know. I don't like selling shirts after a fucking show. Right. I really don't. My wife is the one that says, take the shirts out. People want to buy them.

They want to talk to you. How about I just talk to people, you know, without selling the shirts and just avoid that uncomfortable fucking feeling, you know? Right. But then people bitch at me. You didn't bring nothing, you know? There's just so many fucking things that,

I don't know, I wish I would have done more things, Lee, is what I'm saying. I'm just as high as you, you know? I don't think that you're getting away with me. You're looking at me going, Joey ain't high. No, I know you're high. I had two stars. I smoked and joined some sativa before.

That was tremendous. No, I think about it too. Sometimes I think maybe I should have taken some time off and traveled up to college or... To do what? I don't know. To do what? You did go to Israel.

No, I went during school, but I've never been to Europe or anything. Who cares? I don't know. We want to do, we want ISIS to capture you and chop your little Jew head off and you're on TV crying like a bitch. Stay right here.

Never go where ISIS is. Stay right here. Mind your business. No, no, I'm glad I did it. Look, I graduated early from college so I could come out and work. I was just so sick of being in school. But then sometimes people talk like

they had a really fun time at college. It would be fun. I don't know. Like sometimes I think about that. College wasn't that type of experience for you? No. I was... Where'd you live, Lee?

I lived in Boston. In the dorm? For one semester and my roommate was terrible so then I moved. I lived in the Italian section in the North End for two years. And then for my last semester I lived over by Fenway. By yourself?

No. Always with roommates. And you got along with everybody? No. I... A couple of roommates I had were friends first and that always sucked. When I had a roommate that I'd met on Craigslist,

that was cool. Because there wasn't any pressure. So, yeah. But it was... If I was looking back on it, I might have gone to Drexel and Philly. They really wanted me to come. Like they had me, they took me on a tour

and they gave me a lot more financial aid than Emerson did. But Emerson was like a better school. But since I went in Boston, I had a lot of friends from my hometown, there were other schools. So I didn't really hang out with any Emerson kids. I didn't have like no Emerson. I have like no college friends.

I just went there and did the classes and got out in three years. I had no friends either, Lee. I didn't feel bad. When I was going to see you, I didn't... I had one friend. I had one friend. Yeah.

Big chubby English guy. Yeah. He sold Nissan's with Mike Kessler. And we had some of the same classes because there was a night class thing. Right. Those are the class. That's how I got to see you.

First I went to Colorado Mountain College. Then I went to their continuing ed program at CU off campus across the street. And I got to meet a lot of cool people. In fact, there were football players taking some of those. Some of those classes at night, like couple of those classes, conditioning and health. And I met a couple of those guys,

US history and shit. So I never had a college life and I regretted it. Matt Metrione was at the store last night. I was cool. And when I got off, we were talking about athletics and we were talking about college sports and how college is the purest form of athleticism there is. And yeah, they robbed the athlete.

But before all that, it's as pure as can be because you're not getting paid. You know, you're taking classes. And yeah, there's scams or whatever, but to me, Lee, comedy was something that I found second, you know, my dream was like being a lawyer or a basketball player. But my real dream was playing

an NCAA final championship game of any magnitude. I didn't care whether it was football, basketball. I mean, I was hoping it was basketball. That was my dream to come out of the basketball court as a sophomore and start in the national championship on a fucking Monday night. And they announced what town you're from. That's a beautiful fucking thing.

You know what I'm saying? How high are you, Cuck Suckers? Snap out of it. I'm really high. No, I'm listening. That's what I really wanted to do. What was your first choice, Cuck Licker? It was Emerson.

I applied to NYU, but I didn't get in. So wait a second. Your first choice for life, not fucking Emerson. What was your first choice for life? For what? Besides this editing shit. What did you really, really, really, really want to do? If you really want to do something when you were 10

and then you realize you were too short, you know, what did you want to be in a rock band with a long band? No, the only thing I can remember, I mean, I fantasized about like cool sports plays, but never me being an athlete. It was more of like me playing with my friends. But I guess like the thing,

when I was a young was a veterinarian, I wanted to be a vet, but I was too, I don't think I could like herd an animal and freak me out to like have to like do surgery. So, but I never really had like a dream like, oh, I want to be, like I want to score the winning basket of NBA game or anything. No, for me, it wasn't anything about baskets.

It was just starting. I didn't want to be MVP. I just wanted to be a part of something that big. I thought it was just a beautiful thing to be involved in something like that, to live your life and play college football. And then, you know, like what Andre Carter spoke about, you know, just going in the first round

and you know, that's a beautiful fucking story, you know, like things like that. I always liked that. Anyway, let me wrap this little fuck up, get you out of here, go and get a little fucking sandwich or something, a subway. I know you said, no, there's no subway allowed. That's what you were thinking about.

You were looking at me going, oh, I'm going to go to subway. No, I got to cheer while I go to subway. I know you always go to subway. I don't go to subway. That's your favorite, you love it. You couldn't fucking live without subway. You couldn't live without that turkey, whatever the fuck you eat with that petrified fucking bacon

they put on that thing. That's bacon from a raccoon's back. You ever look at that fucking thing, it all looks the same. It's a piece of like meat from a raccoon. And they spray paint with like, they graffiti it with it. That's how it's terrible. Anyway, instead of eating fucking all that shit,

you could be going to Onit right now. Onit.com for all your health needs. Who needs a fucking turkey, fake fucking cold cut sandwich where you can eat Onit when you can have the hemp force protein or the IET, the testosterone booster. Onit don't fuck around. Onit makes the effect, I shouldn't, no.

Anyway, Onit don't fuck around. They just did the study. Onit is on a fucking roll. And in time you'll find out why. I'm just not a crime stop, I'm met it. Whatever to dispose of this fucking information. What I'm trying to tell you is be healthy. Get your mind focused.

Get everything going right. Start with AlfaBrain. Go to Onit.com, go to AlfaBrain. It's tested, it's proven plus. Got a money back guarantee. It's a natural utropic. Okay, I don't even know if I'm saying it right. Utropic, I ain't.

Whatever the fuck it is, Wikipedia. I'm not here to put it down for you, you sucka. What I'm trying to tell you is I'm trying to help you. And I'm gonna save you 10% off if you go to Onit right now. And after you order, go to the box and press in. Church. And get 10% off. 10% off your order.

All right, try the Shroom Tech, man. Try the Shroom Tech Sport. The reason why Zach was calling me was because I got him a Shroom Tech Sport the other day. And he loves that shit for Jiu-Jitsu. I'm not kidding you guys. Go to Onit.com right now. Give it a shot.

Give it a try. What the fuck you have to lose? Money back guarantee on the AlfaBrain. If you don't think the Al, if you like the AlfaBrain, then get the Shroom Tech and the Hemforce Protein. They'll put a fucking hem in your skirt. Listen, you're sitting there with those disgusting underwear on.

All right, you press church in on it. Then you get 10% off. Church in on it. Get 10% off. I told him that in the beginning. I sucka, yes I did. Number two, me undies. As good as it fucking gets.

I got a pair on. I warmed the fucking Jiu-Jitsu Monday. I love me undies. They're tight, they're warm. They keep everything dry. It's a special material. It keeps your nuts act tight. Nobody's popping out.

None of that shit. It's smooth. You ever put under those cotton white things on and you're fucking, they flip up on top and you're belt. Fuck all that shit. Me undies fits tight. Tremendous, you understand me? And the freaks love it.

You show up with me undies on with that bulge in the front. Your nut sack is out in front of your three inches. Women go fucking bananas. On top of everything, me undies is giving you how much percent off? 20. 20% off disorder.

And they also got women's fucking sharpness. Why are you sitting there with skid marks and you're fucking underwear? You could be fucking wearing me undies right now and living in a slinging dick like a doctor. Go to me undies right now and press in. Joey. Oh shit, Joey in the box.

And what do they get, Lee? 20% off. 20 fucking percent off. And free shipping. And free shipping to the United States and Canada. That's right. Correcto fucking Mundo. Go to meundies.com and press in.

Joey. Boom, 20% off. Why am I gonna stop there? I'm gonna throw he that you all fucking weekend. Don't stop. Last night I stayed home and I watched one of the fucking movies on I'm Dragon City.

Shit. Let me tell you something. Classic Kung Fu films will just do something to you. They take you back. Sometimes you get a fucking tremendous one. Sometimes you get one that you see the strings. No matter what, you get a great laugh. This is what I'm saying to you.

Go to iandragon.com. Whether you're a classic martial arts buff or you just wanna get started, this is the way to do it. This guy's only competition is nobody. He's doing something that nobody else is doing because he got in 4K motherfucking technology. And he's adding stuff every day. It's just not martial arts films.

It's fucking honor films and instructional films. It is a tremendous channel. A Roku channel. Go to iandragontv.com right now and press in Joey. Get two free fucking classic Kung Fu films. I ain't fucking with you. Number four.

I'll tell you what, I'm trying to help you guys out but the last one is on me. It's free. Go to naturebox.com right now. The snacks, nutritious, delicious. They taste good. They come packaged. You can reseal them.

You don't ever have to go to that fucking vending machine and eat those fucking hydrocordisone fucking potato chips. You're swollen and shit. Floating around like a fucking mama Luka. Yeah, you don't need that shit. Go to naturebox.com right now. You can pick five free bags and you get free shipping sent to the house.

No, correct me. It's a down 97. Oh Jesus, you're getting a free fucking box. You gotta pay a down 97. Listen, gas now. And you're still fucking bitching. You're like the fucking fat lady with the arm under her armpit is bitching

cause she got no fucking bread. So go fuck yourself. Go to naturebox.com right now. Those snacks are tremendous. When you're sitting there at night, those sesame sticks, the chocolate bomb bomb, the Nacta plantains. I mean, they have a selection that is fucking superb

and they keep adding shit every fucking week. And the beauty of it, they're gonna send you five bags, two big ones, three little ones, straight to your house. Brattice for the first time. Just to let you know what they got. Who does that? When was the last time you went and bought weed? They gave you a joint till you come back.

When was the last time you went and got your dick sucked and somebody sucked and said, come back and pay me later? Nobody does that. This is to show you the confidence in their product. Go to naturebox.com and press send. Joey. Boom!

And get your free fucking sample box sent directly to your house. So you got on it, me on these, Iron Dragon TV and naturebox.com. Who's better than you, Lisa, yet? Nobody. That's what I'm saying to you, motherfuckers. Like I said, this week I'll be in Cleveland at the Larities

tomorrow night, Friday night, two shows, Saturday, two shows, come out. We're gonna fucking laugh. I'm trying to add some new material. I'm gonna be taping my special Memorial Day weekend at the South Point Casino three nights of debt. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Really?

Yeah. And then next week I'm in Sacramento at the punch line. Then I got a month off, I'm at home. But next week I'm in Sacramento, you motherfucking bad animals. We'll be smoking up there, right? In that hallway there, you know how we do it. We get fucking stoned to the gills.

You were there last time. How much money? I went to Sacramento. Yes, you did, didn't you? San Jose? San Jose, okay. You might have to go to Sacramento. You're a good boy, duck sucker.

Okay. Put some gel on your head, do we? Just mushroom ball. I love you guys. To everybody who watches the show, thank you very much for watching the afternoon. I guess canceled today at the last minute. He got stuck at the airport.

Fuck him. Maybe he'll do it next week. No, I love the guy anyway. I love you guys. Thank you very much. Have a great weekend. See you Monday with a tremendous fucking show next week. Stay black.

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Yeah. Oh, so over ほ萌嘢たった me to lace these difficult douches in your bushes who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommy the back of the club sipping my weight is where you find me the back of the club mac and hoes my cruise behind me mad question asking blood passing music lasting but I just can't quit because one of these homies biggie got to creep with sleeps with keep the epa secret why not why blow up my spot cuz we both got caught now check it I got more Mac than

cracking in the bed believe me sweetie I got enough to feed the need no need to be greedy I got mad friends with Benz is see notes by the layers true fucking players jump in the rover and come over tell your friends jump in the GF3 I got the chronic by the trance throw your hands in the air and use a true play to the honeys get your money playin niggas like you gotta come up in your ways please don't shoot up the place cuz I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby baby straight up honey really I'm

asking most of these niggas think they be mac and but they be active they attract them with that line what's your name what's your sign soon to see by that wine I just creep up from behind and actually what your interests are who you be with things to make you smile what numbers to down you gonna be here for a while I'm gonna call my crew you gonna call your crew we can run they fool at the ball around to plans to leave though the keys the little seeds pull the truck up front and roll up the next block so we could steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly a T-bone steak cheese eggs and welch is great

cover safe for a few cuz in our few we gonna do what we came to do ain't that right boo forget the telly we just go to the crib and watch a movie in the jacuzzi smoke to the honey's getting money play your niggas like in your ways please don't shoot up the place cuz I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby baby imagine the business giving ends to my friends and it feels to pay this tremendous green fuck a dollar and a dream still took a strap with infrared dropping all smoking line optimal

money holds and clothes all a nigga knows a foolish pleasure whatever I had to find the very treasure so grams I had to measure however living better now Gucci sweater now drop top bm's I'm the man honey check it check tell your friends to get with my friend we could be friends see we could do this every weekend that's right is that I with you yeah keep banging the place I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby baby