Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #268 - Emilio Rivera, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 26, 2015

Emilio Rivera, Actor, on Sons Of Anarchy and Traffic, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.This podcast   is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. ��Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box 
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Recorded live on 03/25/2015.
 Music:
 The Cisco Kid - War No One To Depend On - Santana

This show is sponsored by Nature Box. Nature Box ships great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy and delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free Nature Box sampler box at naturebox.com slash joey. That's right. Free nature box snacks are found at naturebox.com slash joey shows also brought to you by me on these.com. Go to me on these.com and check out all the different styles of men and women's underwear they have. They have boy shorts, which Joey's not a huge fan of, but they have all different styles. They have t-shirts, socks. You don't like boy shorts. I don't know why. You keep saying that shit. Boy shorts. Because that's

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Oh shit. What is this shit? This is live. What is this a movie? It's a it's like a music video. I asked you. No, no, no, no, no. This ain't the right one, but the fucking war. Cisco kid. I did. It's right there. It's the top one. He's slipping tonight. The microphones ain't working. The microphone is working. It's all D music. It's all D music. You said you said top one, dude. You believe this shit. I can't even see what's in front of me. How are you going to try the first one on the thing when you press in Cisco kid? I did that too. No, you didn't. That's not the first one I was looking before. Why are you slipping on me? That's it right there.

You see it. Bam. There you go. There you go. See, here you go pops up this. It's March 25th. Is it March? It's March 25th. Double checking, baby. It's a beautiful day to be alive Wednesday night. Amelia Rivera, Lee Syat slipping already. Oh shit. How old were you when you came? This came on a young kid like me. I think I was 25 years old. No. Yeah, brother. Yeah. I used to cruise my bomb to that jam, brother, all the time. Yeah, man. Good times. This came out 30 years ago? At least. I thought I was a kid. We used to go to Lincoln Park and watch them play all the time, bro. See, that was the Cinco de Mayo trip every week. I mean, every Cinco de Mayo until somebody, two people started getting killed, you know what I mean? So they're from here locally? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, they're from a little bit all over, you know, and they're still playing. They call them lowrider band now, brother. Yeah, I see the guy on the plane once. I flew next to the guy on the plane one. My compadre, he did a show with them about two months ago. It was really cool, man. I wasn't able to go. I was out of town. My brothers wouldn't go check them out. My little black dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I flew with him one time. Is that right? Yeah. He sat next to me and stuff like that. It was great to see. They call the lowrider band now. The lowrider band is still out there doing it. Oh, yeah. What's up, Amila Rivera? How you doing, brother? You know, fucking beautiful. Trying to put the pieces again. Nice day in California today. It was beautiful,

brother. Oh, shit. It's going to be like 90 for a week, right? I don't like it like that, though. I like it cold. You know, I like it. I like it cold. I'll tell you what, this morning, I came out at 8 30 and it was already hot. I know. It's going to be 99 this week. That's a pause. I'd like to hear it tomorrow. Yeah, it's supposed to be Holly. One of those days. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I don't like it like that. That's it. No, a lot of people. Hey, listen, how lucky are we? Can you imagine spending the winter in Boston this year, Amila? I know. I know. So you grew up here, right? Oh, my life pretty much. Oh, my God. We got it made, brother. We got it made. You know what I mean? This is too easy. I mean, if you lived in fucking Nashville, you

got to hide from tornadoes and the rain and shit. If you live on the East coast, you got all that snow. If you live here, we worry about earthquakes. Yeah, but earthquakes ain't nothing, brother. You just got ducked the shit. You know what I'm saying? You're good to go. How many earthquakes do you live through here? As many as there have been there since 1972. The big one is 72 all the way till now. Now, the big one is 72. That was huge, brother. Even my driveway came up like this to a point. It was big. The one in the Northridge was big, but I think that one was bigger. It lasted longer, I think. 72. Where were you? I was in my house, my whole family. And it was the first one I ever had. And I was a kid, but I was like, what, 12, 13 years old? Scared the shit out of

me. But after a while, after the years, it's just duck, man. I mean, be sure there's nothing going to fall on you. You're going to be okay, man. Unless the ground opens up, you know what it swallows you. I was terrified of them when I got here. People made fun of me because I was terrified. I never experienced that. I'm from Boston. Exactly. And I have a kit. I have something I have in my cards in case. I have a couple changes of clothes or something. And Paula and her mom, who are Mexican, make fun of me every time. They bring it up like two times a month that I have a kit because I'm terrified. Oh, you have a survival kit? Not much in it. I have a change of underwear, a change of pants, and like some granola bars and a water bottle. Just

something. You gotta carry a lot of water, brother. T-shirts. Yeah. And remember this. So remember, people don't know this, but you know, if you ever need some water, remember, you got whatever, how big your heater is, water heater, you got about 50 to 75 gallons of water there that's untouched, bro. So remember that. You can drink that. Okay. I don't have access to it. It's in my apartment, but we'll get there before anybody else does, bro. And the power goes out too? Everything, bro. Excuse me. It was done, bro. The transformers were blowing up. It was really, it was, I thought the world was coming to an end, especially when you're a young kid, you know, and back then they had hippies. The world is coming to an end. Remember all those back in the 70s?

So when that was going down, I said, damn, it is coming to an end, you know. So when the power goes out, what was this day out for? Well, that time it was, we had so many aftershocks. It was like about two, three days in different areas, you know, some places longer, but we, you know, just to have a bunch of candles. And what was cool about that, man, is that the family got close. You know, all of a sudden, you guys, you know, the family is close because you're scared a little bit, you know, so your mom and dad and the kids were all together. And that was, that felt good about that. That's what I liked that part of it. You know what I'm saying? Because you want to try getting close to your family and you're not that close to your pops, but then, you know, he's there

to, you know, take care of you. I'm like brothers and sisters. I'm the elders of eight. Oh, shit, you're a real Mexican. But at the time, there was only four of us, you know, because I was, you know, back in 72, the only four of us born there, you know? Wow. Yeah, man. My mother came from nine in Cuba in the one bedroom, you know, that's fucking, that's Rob. We used to have 16 and two in the two bedroom pad, bro. So I know what you're talking about, bro. You know, how many two bedroom kids? No, you know, I slept in the same bed with my brother, too. I was like 11 years old. I know, except for the feet, you know, saying, you know, one side this way, one side the other. And then next to us were my two sisters on another bunk bed and they slept, you know, head to, you know,

two feet, you know? So it's like, um, I guess I always had to sleep with somebody because, you know, I can never be alone because I slept with my brother so long. You dig what I'm saying? It's a trip. When I was a kid, you know, my mom had money when I was a kid. So I had my own bedroom, I had my own bed, you know, air conditioner, TV. So I never really knew until I went up to my aunt's. I'm like God, 148. And I would see how those kids and I would go to their houses and they'd have a fucking fan. And there'd be eight kids in the living room. The parents would have the bedroom and the spare bedroom was close. And at night, like I remember going over to like a tan and seeing the whole family in the living room with no t-shirts on, just sweating and the humidity. And

going, this is fucking a man. I never said nothing. So you had it pretty cool. I joined. Growing up, I did until then my mother died. And that was the reality when I was 16. But until then, yeah, my mother, I was the only child, you know, my dad died, he left money. So that carried my mother plus my mother worked, you know, she had a bar. So my mother, my mother, we have a sister in Cuba. Were you a spoiled kid though, Brun? Absolutely. Really? So the biggest thing, the best thing that happened to me was my mother dying because I would have never made it. Wow. I would have never made it. I mean, I hustled a little bit. Yeah. But I was spoiled. There was little things I wouldn't do at that age. I'm never going to do that.

And all of a sudden, three years later, I'm sleeping in a mattress in a basement with dog shit next to me, you know, and that's the cold reality of it. But I never wanted to have money. I was always ashamed because the friends I had on 148th Street didn't have money. I understand that. So it was made me very shameful. So I would never really talk about it. I never, when I was up there, would wear bummy sneakers and I would wear regular shorts. And if I had money one day, I would buy them more sodas and they'd say where I'd get it from. And I told my work that my mother's bar or something, you know, but I was always very ashamed after seeing how I was fortunate as fuck. I would get home from school and there'd be a baby

sitter and she'd make me a ham. So you had it made, brother. Yeah. And I would sit in my own room with a television, I had a record player, you know, and I had my own bed and it was, and then I would go see how these other kids lived. But that education in Harlem taught me, those motherfuckers taught me how to hustle because their parents didn't give them any money for lunch. They sent them out and they had to go do their own thing. So these guys had different scams every day. They rent, they swept for this guy, they carried ice for this guy, they cleaned this guy's windows, then they played. You know, they really had this science down. So it really taught me a lot. You know, they were Puerto Rican, all these kids, a couple of Irish

dudes, a couple of Jews, you know, and it was just very interesting to see how the other side lived. You know, and my mother always reminded me because she was Cuban, you know, she was poor, she grew up poor. So she, you know, I remember saying like, I'm not going to eat that. And she go, can you imagine if you were in Cuba, what you fucking eat? Do you have any fucking idea what they eat in Cuba? Nothing like this. Like, I don't want any steak. She would lose her fucking mind. Like, are you fucking kidding me? What do you mean you don't want a fucking steak? You know what they would do for a piece of steak in Cuba, an old piece of steak, meat that's even bad already. You know what they would fucking do? So it's a cold dose of reality, you know. It's the other

kids and how people live. It's crazy. Paul, Paul's parents, whole family lived like that up until earlier this year. They had someone sleeping on their floor and they heard her in her cousin's share of room and they have no AC down there. It's, I had no, and it's so close to where we live and I had never experienced anything like that. Yeah, it's just a trip, you know, kind of like, I mean, we hadn't had anything for a long time, you know, until basically I got out of the house and I went to the army and stuff, you know, and started getting a little bit more comfortable. But but I appreciate everything now. You know, I'm glad I grew up the way I grew up because I everything I have now, I appreciate, I take nothing for granted, brother. You dig what I'm

saying? And but now, I guess I'm a little bit spoiled because I like, I like to be comfortable. You dig what I'm saying? I don't really like being, I don't know, man. It's just why, why be uncomfortable when you don't have to be? You dig what I'm saying? So and I not work for it now, you know what I mean? But that's one thing my dad instilled in me. I was working since I was eight years old. I was paying rent since I was eight years old. I used to make $30 a month. It was a dollar a day. And when I got paid, I gave $15 from my mom for rent. You dig what I'm saying? You know, and $30 a day, that's, that's back in 1960. I was at like 68. What were you doing for work? Throwing the paper, brother. Throwing the paper, that's when you threw the paper back, you know,

and the big old bags on your back. I had the biggest, I had 52 houses I threw for. And but the first big night, that was a lot of money for a kid, you know, 30 bucks. So even giving my dad 15 bucks, I had to have 15 bucks in my pocket for the month. You know what I mean? Now in those days, you had to collect the money too from the paper. Yeah, that was fucked up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that was fucked up. Well, you didn't throw it on my fucking Porsche. What's fucking that dude? Come on, your fucking paper's right there in the fucking cement. You know, because you're good to go. And, and, um, but once in a while, you have some good tippers too. So, you know, I just knew my dad knew I was gonna pay $3 a month. He didn't have to know if I made

extra 10 bucks in my pocket. You dig what I'm saying? So it was good, you know? But they don't have that no more in this country, the paper wrap. They don't have that no more. And it's so important to the kid because I wanted to do it in my neighborhood. And the guy called me when they goes, listen, I don't have a route in your neighborhood. I've got one in the neighborhood over and this was really hilly. You know, when I come from in Jersey, it's the second hilliest city in the country. Oh, is that right? Oh, calves out over there. But when I was a kid, and I walked all these walks, and when I go to the doctor, he always says, Joey, you know, for a big guy, you got a strong fucking heart. I'm like, there's those fucking hills when I was a

kid, just walking those hills in the winter. And then the first like the fight delivered in January, one year and in the cold, you got to get home and sort the papers and put the appetizers in them. That's Sunday paper, bro. That Sunday paper. But I taught you characters as a kid and taught you how to do something. Of course. And that's what these kids, they do not have at all. By the time you were 13, if you were going to be an entrepreneur right there, you did something. You fucking did something, you know, deliver papers, then you forget another hustle. There's got to be another hustle. Shiny shoes, too. I was good at it. I still shine my own shoes, brother. I love that. Oh, yeah. You know, my mom had the bar and I tried to shine shoes. Nobody would let me shine

these shoes. They gave me like two bucks. I fucked somebody's shoes up. They gave me like two bucks. You can't shine a rush, but please, brother. Yeah, I fucked up somebody's shoes one time. So I gave up on that when I was a kid. I sold lemonade and soda. I did everything I could clean yards, but we came out of yards. That's nothing clean. You know, cut lines. When I lived them, when I moved to Jersey from New York City, because I live in New York City, there ain't no yards to clean. I never thought about that. There's no shoveling. I lived on 205 West 88 Street. There's nothing there. It's the street next to Broadway. When I moved to New Jersey, that's where those kids taught me how to hustle. Those fucking kids were what do you call that

middle class blue collar? Yeah. And those motherfuckers were doing something every day. And some of it was legal. And some of it was legal. But a lot of the time was just to help out the family, too, bro. You had to go out there and work, bro. It was like peer pressure. You want to have good sneakers? Your parents aren't going to give them to you. One day you just realize, if my parents aren't going to give me the fucking, what did you talk about? Michael Jordan's? I'm about to go and make at the $80 fucking dollars. And you go out and make the $80 dollars. Some kids sell drugs. Some kids deliver the newspaper. You know, I was a kid like that, that young. There were really no drugs to sell like that. You got to a certain age.

Once I got to a certain age, then I had to sling some fucking drugs. Why not? You know, what was the first drug you sold? Well, you know, it was not until I was later, bro. Really at the end, I sold on cocaine only, you know, and only not to make money, because I was already making decent money. It was just to stay high, to stay high, you know, because it was, it was at a bad habit. So I had to sell it to the States. When I was a kid, the big thing were black beauties. Black beauties. We could talk shit. Yeah, yeah, we could talk shit. But I used to, he used to fucking start that shit. Just the black beauty. He used to burn the fuck out of your nostrils over. Remember that shit?

But it will get you good, man. You know, one night I snorted like 18 of those motherfuckers, and I drank a bottle of Zambuca. I was sick for a fucking week. I went to my house and I drank Zambuca, which just, I never heard of that shit, bro. But I used to get you, I used to get those pills for $35 for a thousand. Are you serious? For the black beauties? From a college student, that they made them by the thousands, and I was selling for a dollar a piece, or $35 to $100 for the wrestlers. You had a fucking hookup, bro, because we used to pay, we used to pay $20 a row, and a row was 10 bucks. I mean, no, it was 20 of them for 10 bucks. I used to go, and that's when I read, and I used to sell acid. I used to buy it for $90 for 100

hits, and I'd sell it for $3 a piece. So I'd make $210 per every 100. I would sell 200 of those, I would sell two of those a week, and a hundred fucking up to the dollar, and I would sell 234. So remember, after I saw- Bro, you're fucking working there, bro. Bro, when I was a kid, I had put it together, like, I always liked it. Wow. You know, I didn't like dangerous shit. I liked it easy. Well, fucking that, no, no, but that fucking acid was some fucked up shit. You tell me about the

microdot, or you work the plotter? I always saw microdot. Microdot was the best. That was the shit. That shit used to be good. They used to make you hallucinating shit, you dig? Wow. Microdot, and then I used to get the plotter. They had four-way acid. Every time I went to these dudes, they always had a different acid. That's what they did on the week. During the week, they were college students. It was the same. That's just changed the paper.

Yeah, they just changed the paper. That's how I was, give you a different look, you know? I had a buddy who used to buy 100 hits at a time, a sheet, and him and his two brothers would eat them all on a weekend camping trip. That was crazy. That was crazy. Well, there was a four-way hit, right? It was a two-way. I took three hits. So that's the equivalent of 16 hits. No, four times three, 12 hits. And I took eight hours off for three fucking days, bro. On the third fucking day, I'm fucking seeing shit. I'm hallucinating, bro. I'm on my own now, because it's just I'm all fucked up, you know what I'm saying?

But when you turn, you just go, Oh my God, I loved all that shit. I loved going home and listening to music and being all fucked up. It was like you were in your own world. Then you cry for an hour, and then you come back. And then you would laugh for about three hours of your fucking cheeks would be hurting this year. And you'd look in the mirror. You'd watch yourself disintegrate. Oh my God, you watch yourself disintegrate. Remember that shit? Oh my God.

I remember one time I answered the phone, and there was a mirror in front of the phone at these people's house, and I'm talking, and all of a sudden I look in the mirror, and I just started melting. No way. That's when I asked it was good. You see what happened was, then they put too much fucking speed on it, and now it's just too much fucking speed. Oh my God, Lee. Back in the day, it was a trippy shit. It was a trip, man.

I'm not going home. Wait, like, literally like the entire years body just melted. And so what do you see? Whatever you wanted to see was pretty much. Whatever you wanted to see. Whatever your mind could think of, bro. And if you thought about it, it wouldn't take much. That sounds terrifying.

It's tremendous. It's tremendous. Because the whole thing was, as long as you knew that you were on a fucking drug, if you knew that, you're going to be okay, because some motherfuckers never come out of it. You dig what I'm saying? That's what's scary about it. And they live being on an acid trip? They're being in a fucking mental institution,

fucking robbing the wall that's not there, you know? I had a friend who put his hand through a window one night on that shit. We were just talking. I did that. You know why? Because I thought this guy was giving me a dirty look. Right side, fucking knock him out. I almost cut my finger off.

And it was me I'm looking at, bro. Because I fucking disappeared when I hit that window. It was a reflection of me. It's fucking crazy. Oh, my God. Joe Lucci busted a fucking window with his hand. Dirty stitches. Tendons.

He's got a small fucking finger on that shit. He went, oh, my God, I love that stuff. And then towards the end, we were crushing up in a pipe and smokable weed. After you took two or three hits, you fucking really see the devil. You have no idea. I love that.

I love that stuff. You know, then cocaine came. And cocaine just knocked everything away. You know, we were doing shit for $3. And then cocaine came for $100. And just all that shit disappeared. There was no market for everybody. Everybody was a dealer.

Said, why am I selling this shit to make $200? And I could sell one fucking thing and make $50. And, you know, so that's what happened. Everybody just smartened up. Look at the shape of you. And so that's probably why these edibles don't really deal much to you. Why?

Because you were taking triple hits of acid and then smoking an acid weed bong hit. Oh, my God. Oh, that's crazy. It was some crazy. I got coming up May 15th. I got 25 years from your sober, bro. You know what I mean?

So I missed out on all this actually. I never tried to actually, you know, I actually came out after the fact. And now I see all these people doing these edibles and smoking all these like 30 different kind of weeds nowadays, dig what I'm saying? But my tolerance was so high, bro. You know, I really need a lot of dope to get me fucked up.

You know what I'm saying? I'm sure probably not. I took a fucking hit of weed. I fucking probably. Oh, you're hallucinating. He's taking a hit of weed. I'm OK, brother. I'm going to step back from everything.

25 years. May 15th, brother. And it changed your whole life. It really did, Joey. It fucking really did, bro. It's hard to believe when you tell people that your life has changed 100% since you quit doing it. Bro, a whole 180, brother.

It really, I mean, shit. Well, I'm listening to you right now. And you know, shit, pretty much we'd like this. I mean, we would have ran it back then, you know what I'm saying? Because we like to fucking freak out and shit. You know, I was always going towards the max. The max. The fucking max, bro.

Oh, I love it. Let me fuck. If I died, at least I would have been on a good one. That was my whole fucking mentality, you know? And but now, fucking Joey. What are you doing? Why would you cut more than that? You got me all fucked up.

I got him psyched out. This star is 6,000 milligrams. Of THC. It was. So I cut 3,000 off. And that's what's left, 1,500. Are you fucking serious? So that's some dope right there.

That's some dope. This will kill you. Is that right? It looks like some hard jello, bro. It's hard jello. Is that what it is doing? That's all this is. This is the few, you know what?

And but you can, you're okay with it. I mean, you can. I can go home now and write a fucking book later. Is that right? I'll go home. What I do, this is what I did. This is what I did. This is, let me tell you what happened

when I wanted you to come on tonight. Because I'm a comedian, bro. I'm out at night. You know what I'm saying? I'm out of fucking. You're one of the fucking best comedians, brother, around. But I'm out at night. We're out at night.

You know, you're in the daytime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So shows, common shows go. You know, and you don't fucking know. And one day I'm leaving the house and I'm hearing motorcycles on TV. And I go, what the fuck are you watching? And she goes, I'm watching.

You should watch it. Your friend's on it. I go, what fucking friend? I don't know friends. She goes, Amelia, I'm on it. You gotta watch this show. So that was like season after Ireland. Oh, actually, you're not season four now, yeah.

So that was after Ireland. So I watched an episode here. And I would ask her, tell me when he comes on. You know, I'm in my room getting ready to go out. You know, you're making little notes. I mean, I'll say this. Of course, yeah, yeah. And she would call me and I'd come on.

You were gone already. You know, something I'd watch. Wow. And then I started watching it. It's Tuesday night. So what we started doing was we would go to yoga and get home at 7.45. And we would, instead of watching it,

we'd watch it 45 minutes ahead and we'd take the commercials out. Right on. OK, yeah. And then I got into it. But I saw you a couple of times. You came on the podcast. I couldn't really talk because I would just see seasons.

Now when I go home, so what I did for a month and a half is I got Netflix, which is fucking tremendous. I gotta get it here. I go home at night and I just started from day one with sons. Oh, you did? Day one. And I saw you in the pilot and I go, what the fuck? I thought he came on season four.

I didn't know you were in the pilot. So I changed the whole thing. Now I got it. I watched the whole beginning. I watched it. And I gotta tell you something. I'm a fan of The Sopranos. The Sopranos really hit home with me

because I think that it was a great show. They really wrote it. Like, listen, no mafia stuff came out after that. That's it. They haven't done nothing. You know you're right now. They covered every base. They exhausted every base.

They took the mafia all the way up to 2009. The problem with these people that are making mafia movies is they're still talking about Nicky and Angelo. It's 2015. There's three guineas left. The Russians are out. It's a different thing. But people are still coming with scripts

about Nicky and John Gotti. That was 30 years ago. That's not gonna work. I always thought that I would watch sons and I would go, wow, the beginning when he would talk Charlie over the narrative and he would write. And he said some interesting stuff. And then the Pope then came

and he went and the other guy. Then the finale came. And probably the night that the last episode came when he ended like that, I was pissed off. What did you want to see? I was like, what the fuck is this shit? Why is he saving the black people? Why, you know, there was so many fucking questions that I had.

So I said, fuck this. Let me watch it from the beginning. And in Ireland, you already knew the ending. For you, you did? Yeah, I didn't. When you watch it, when he goes to the priest. I got to watch it again. Yeah.

When he goes to the priest, the priest breaks it down from. The priest goes, I'm not giving you back the fucking kid. Remember? And he goes, why not? And he goes, because your father didn't want this for you, blah, blah, blah. And then he goes to get the kid and he leaves the kid. And then the Irish guy kills the couple and takes the kid.

And he told them, this is how your life's gonna end. And that's when I realized how great the writing was. They knew it from the get. The writing was sensational. Yeah, so there's a bad as well. If you didn't fucking know in season four that she was gonna kill that broad, that's when I caught it. In season four, I knew she was gonna kill it.

She threatened her in season four. She started breaking the balls in season four or after Ireland, they got in it. Yeah, yeah. And it just didn't avail. And then, you know, bro, the problem that we have in Hollywood is that they pick and choose about people who appeal to them. And then you got motherfuckers by the name of Jimmy Smits. That nobody remembers.

See, I remember Jimmy Smits on Miami Vice. Jimmy Smits sat the pile on Miami Vice. Alley Long. Alley. This is way before Alley Long. This is September of 18th. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you're right.

He was a skinny Puerto Rican kid that played. He was married to a Cuban wife. He was Crockett's first fucking partner. And he goes to get the coke from the fucking drug deal and the car blows up. That's how the pile. Oh, shit. That's what happened. Crockett, the black dude was in New York.

The guy shot his brother. Tremendous dude. Tremendous writer. The only thing that we have in our career is that we never got to work with that savage. The dude who wrote Miami Vice. It was Michael Mann. The dude who really wrote it was the Puerto Rican dude from New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's all, man. That whatever his name wrote. Martin Ferrero, Ferrero, whatever. Miguel Pinero. Miguel Pinero. Miguel Pinero was called the road. Yeah. So he went to Miami.

That's why he came down to Miami. They were both hunting. They became pilot. So what that tells me, my point is Jimmy Smith has been on fucking national television for 31 fucking years, 31 years. I've told, what's the pilot of fucking Miami Vice, September 24, 1984, something like that. It was the night that the Green Bay Packers played in the snow. I'll never forget that shit.

So it was there. So that means. That's right. I remember that game too, bro. They fucking, they wouldn't risk dropping the ball like crazy. Miami Vice pilot aired on a Sunday, September 16. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? And they, and they're dead on a Sunday night and aired on a Sunday fucking night, guys.

What pilot is, and then they came to Fridays. But the bottom line is Jimmy Smith has been on television for 31 years. Nobody mentioned them. And there's scenes where you and him that are fucking phenomenal. I love Jimmy. Jimmy's a good guy, bro. You know what I mean? Jimmy worked together back in 92 doing a movie called Call Me Familiar.

Me familiar, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it was good to revisit him again. And, and you know what, man, that's a humble cat. And you know what? He, he's a badass, bro. I love working with Jimmy. You know, he, he, he's ready to go all the time.

You know what I'm saying? And if he don't ask something, he'll ask you, hey, bro, are you okay with that? Like, you anything different? No. And right back at you, anything different? No. And we're good to go, bro. You know, he's a, he's a badass.

He knows his shit. He's been around, brother. He's, he's, he knows his shit. Nobody mentioned him this year. Me and my wife were sitting there going, look at this fucking guy. Every week he creeps on this show. He was nothing when that show started. He kept creeping and creeping and creeping.

He had some beautiful scenes. All right. Yes, he did. Yes. He had some great fucking scenes when he kills the kid. We're now doing those guys. Oh, no. I bought one.

And when, when he finds out Jim, I killed the, did the killing, bro. He cried, like he started jumping up in on like a little baby boy, man. It was at the end, bro. I started feeling bad for his character, bro. Me too. It was, it was really, because he was trying to get out of it, but they kept, she kept on bringing them in and that pussy will do that to you sometimes. You know what I'm saying?

Yes. You know what I mean? Oh my God. I could say that, right? But I could say, you can say whatever you want. That scene when he, when he answers the phone and Jackson's telling him what he did, and he hangs up the phone and he tells him he's got to go and the whole thing. Those were all beautiful fucking scenes.

I mean, they were beautiful. He laid down, but nobody mentioned Sons of Anarchy. Nobody mentions Jimmy Smith. They talk about the fucking, everybody likes to pour the rican chicken on modern family. God forbid she don't do something. God forbid the two fucking chicks from Sineye Live don't do something. Amy Poehler and the other one. I heard the one broad put a pilot out.

It didn't work. So NBC let her bring the same pilot back again. And they're like, like, that is fucking crazy. Nobody does that type of shit. That's the pilot. That's how much they want to be in business with that. No matter what she does, nothing is fucking wrong. And then Fortune five stars, TV shows with Amy with her, whatever her name is.

Right. No, it's amazing. And then you got a guy like Jimmy Smith. It just went from show to show the last three or four. What's he been before that he was on? The one with the killer. He did Dexter. Damien.

Dexter, whatever his fucking name is. Dexter. And he's been staying busy, bro. He's been staying in one show that he had was called Kane. And that's the one she's in, I think, which I think was a great show. And that got canceled as well. What was that? Kane.

It was about the he was the but the it was like a mafia kind of thing, bro. You know what I mean? It was really good, bro. I only saw a few episodes of what I saw. He was killing it, bro. And my friend of mine, Oscar thought it was also on there with him. I think he was like his right hand man. And he was doing a great job too.

But I don't understand that you know, they give him a shot. They do great and they pull the plug. I don't understand sometimes, you know. Listen, man, you and I both know we've been around for a while. It's changing. TV is changing. Castings are changing. Things are fucking changing.

And it's like the podcast. Nobody knows what's the next move. But I know that this shit's creeping more and more every day. You know, if right now, if you think of doing some project, a TV show, whatever the fuck you think you're doing nowadays, if you don't include social media in your project, you're going to have a hard time. You've got to have a boy.

Our boy is on, he loves you to death. Eddie Velez. I like it. He wrote for you on Gangland. Now he's writing an empire. He is. Fuck yeah. And he wrote the sixth and seventh episode, the fifth and sixth episodes.

Really? Which were the best episodes. And you know, look at that fucking show. Look at that show. 16.5 million viewers, bro. First season, 16.5 million viewers. That's unheard of, bro. First season, give me a fucking break, you know.

Are you serious? It was that strong. 16.5. The social media was tremendous. Yeah, they have, yeah. But they're pumping it up as well. It's all about the publicity as well, bro. It's very important.

That's it, that's it. And they're pumping it up. They pumped it up. Yeah, yeah. They compared it to Dynasty, which... Well, I don't want to do that. You know, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't that be something I want to prepare to.

But yeah. Really? They compared it to Dynasty? They compared it to Dynasty. They compared it to Dynasty with, you know, the Jackson 5 mixed in that. Okay, well, yeah, yeah. Well, Dynasty was, they ran for a long time too, right? Fuck yeah.

I used to watch that shit on Wednesday nights. Which was Dynasty? I'm trying to think. Dynasty was with Dexter and the fucking good-looking chick, the chick that Olivia, whatever the name is. Okay, I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about Dallas. And then there was Dallas. Dallas was on CBS. Right on.

So you got a mark down on that, Joey. Oh please. You watch some fucking TV, huh, bro? I listen, bro. Listen, when you're an ugly dude and you want to eat pussy, you got to watch those shows. You got to take a bullet for the team from time to time. Fucking Joey. You want to eat some pussy, you got to wait till after Dallas.

That's the best pussy you'll ever eat. That's fucking funny. I'm an ugly dude. I got to work it from every angle. Some guy use blow, I use Dynasty. You understand me? That's just how we do it. That'd be cool.

What the fuck? You got to say that somewhere, bro. The fuck. It's the truth. It's the truth. When I was in, in 84, I had this girlfriend that if I went over there and watched Dynasty with her, she'd let me light her on fire afterward. But I had to watch the whole episode of Dynasty.

If I left at 10.30, you got nothing in your other hands. He was a fucking hippie. Just go, here we go. She didn't give a fuck. And I fell in love with this chick on the show that was Alexis' daughter, Mummy. She used to call her Mummy. And she ended up marrying the dude that was in Starship Troopers.

And I did a movie with him and he brought her on the set. She was the Duchess of England or something, like in real life. She was like this badass bitch that became an actress and they put her on Dynasty. Is that right? Yeah, I forget what the fuck her name. Very nice. I even told her, you know how many guys loved you? In my neighborhood, they had, I used to go to that chicks house,

but there was a bar that would put Dynasty on on Wednesday nights and serve food. And it'd be like- Was Dynasty that big of a hit, bro? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. What year was that, man? I'm thinking what the fuck was that scene? 84, what was the Dynasty run?

Oh, I don't want to say, I was getting fucked up in those years. Yeah, I was getting fucked up, too. I didn't know what the fuck was going on on TV, bro. Shit, I was on high five. 84, I was in my fucking pica going out every night. That's what I'm saying. 81 to 89. Eight, 14 years.

Oh, wow. Eight years. I stopped in that year. And you know what, I didn't get sober till it was 1990 or so, and that's when I, you know, that was always out in the bottle. I was thinking I was watching fucking happy days. We run as usual. You missed out on all that Dynasty pussy.

You missed out. I stopped watching Dynasty. Okay, which is the one that had Charlene Tilton, man? Who was that? You had now you got who's Charlene Tilton? That was Dallas, right? I know, what's Charlene Tilton? What's with the Larry Hagman show was Dallas.

Dallas, that was Dallas. Okay, that's Charlene Tilton on Tilton, man. That was a good show. Dallas, and I used to watch Knott's Landing. That's another one. Knott's Landing came out after Dallas. I know the names, you know. I used to watch Beauty and the Beast with Ron Perron,

Ron Perron, but it was a good show, bro. Beauty and the Beast. Remember that? I never watched it, but I remember that. That's a good show, bro. You know, it's like I had a gap. I watched TV till 1979 till my mother died. And then after she died, I had no reason to stay home in that.

Right on. I didn't watch TV. I remember people telling me about Cheers. You ever see a show called Cheers? I want fucking Cheers. And they're buying those Joe and Mary's fucking bar. What the fuck are you talking about? I never watched Cheers.

I didn't watch TV till like maybe, fuck, 1990. When I went to prison, I started watching TV in 1988. You got nothing to do with it. I started watching Tea. I started watching. That was Luston Marriage and fucking America's Most Wanted. And criminals love America's Most Wanted. When you're in jail on a Saturday night, people watch it.

You change that channel, put on diners, you don't break your fucking thing. Invicts love America's Most Wanted. Yeah, really? Convicts? Shit. When it's on fresh on Saturday nights, they'll shoot you if you turn that fucking TV off.

What do they do? They yell? Do they like root? Oh, yeah. They have a TV. Well, as soon as you walk into the rec area where they're watching TV, they already have the lineup for the night. You vote.

But that's one show they ran for a long time. That's right, America's Most Wanted. That was a good show, though. I like that. I remember watching that. Cops is still out. Well, when I was locked up, I started watching America's Most Wanted, but the show that followed it

was the one with Modern Family. That dude, the father. Peg Bundy. Peg Bundy. That was the big show on film. America's Children. That was a good show. I watched that.

They play that at night now. It's a great show. It's a great show. He's funny as shit on that fucking show. They were all good on that show, bro. They were very good on that show, man. That's a great show. The whole castle.

The whole, yeah, it was good. That was a great fucking show. And I remember 1995, 94. I was just starting to do comedy. And Megazamo got a deal. How's the bugging? That was a good show, too. I fucked six episodes with Louis Guzman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, fuck. I got to get on with these motherfuckers. Did you get on it? No. Oh, god. I was so bad at comedy at that time. And I remember in 94, I went to New York,

and they were doing auditions at, where are they going? Goodfellas. Where is he taking? What bar is he taking to in Goodfellas? The Spanish bar. Fuck, I don't know, bro. When they walk into Goodfellas, not the club, but whatever the fuck, they had a Spanish troupe.

With Angel, it was called something. And I went down there, and you have to do three impersonations. I paid $22 the park. I had $30 in my park. You know, New York. I went, you know what I said, 15 minutes. All right, give me $22. Fuck.

I ran in. You had your three impressions. And I only had one, a junkie knot. Really? That's it. I had no impersonator. I had no impersonator. You want to do it?

What? You want to do the impression? No, just me fall asleep. That's it with a singer and my mom. That's fucking funny. And they were like, that's great. Thank you for coming. I will call you.

I knew they weren't going to call you. Yeah, yeah. It was terrible. What was your first audition? It was for Renegade. My first audition at book, bro. Renegade. With Renzo Lamas.

No, on the TV show. The TV show, yeah, yeah. But I had done that theater already, you know. So I was ready to fucking, I was at this country bully, you know, like back, you know, like, and I was working with just his body, Ventura. You know what I'm saying? So we're the Tom bullies trying to fucking kill

Renzo Lamas, you know. When did you start in theater? 1990, when I got clean and sober, bro. So as soon as you got clean and sober, you said to keep me clean, I'm going to jump into theater. Well, I had to, I had to, first I started just acting, you know, a coach. I went to a commercial class

and that my coach Bernard Hilder said, you know what, man? You actually got something. He goes, I gotta tell everybody this, because this is a, you know, it's a business. So they gotta keep it coming back. He goes, but you actually got good stuff. And I want to work with you privately.

So I worked with him like about another five months. He told me, you guys start doing theater, man. You know, get a great foundation. And I did. And I started doing comedy as well. And so I was doing a skit comedy group. Because the living color was really popular back then. So the Mexicans were trying to do one, you know, Latinos.

And so I jumped in one of those. And it was good for me because I was such a hard ass dude. You know, it made me break out of who I was. You know, you go crazy and shit. You want to look at me? You know, like crazy shit, right? And so then they said that that factory had the Latino nights coming up.

I think it was 92, you know. So I wrote a 10 minute bit. And I went and I auditioned. And they had me every Monday night. It worked out pretty good. Same fucking bit I do now, you know, Xavier. I said, of course, I've added more to it. But the first thing I wrote it, like I wrote my bit

in like in about two hours. I went and did it. And then I killed it. I killed it, bro. And it was I got so much confidence from that night. And then a year later, I did Renegade. And it was around doing comedy in 92 at that time. Fuck, it was it was me.

Paul. Yeah, Gilbert Esquivel, because Gilbert told me to go over here. You know what I'm saying? And then my agent called me, said, hey, they're looking for Latino comics on a Monday night. That's how long ago that was, bro. Who else?

Carlos Mencia. There was a few was Rudy Moreno was already out. To me, I thought it was really big because he was already opening for war and opening for ice. He had he had done. He has some like names already, you know. And then and then I started. I saw everybody coming.

I saw I saw when everybody came in, bro, because I got in early and when we stood the brave bull, we should do the fucking Black Angus. Remember Black Angus in Alhambra? I used to know the Black Angus homie. Fuck. Good times, right? Good times.

I'm really. Carlos, Carlos Mencia was there, you know, with us, Willie Barsania, Carlos Oscar, Larry Omaha. Raul Martinez. Remember Raul Martinez? Raul Martinez. Remember him? What happened to him, bro?

He was in Texas. Raul Martinez at the end. You know, you know what I mean? They were really happy. Yeah, because I like that guy. Tall Mexican guy fell in love with a Mexican transsexual. No, like a dick and a pussy. No, I swear to God, Raul, Raul.

He was in love. He wasn't telling nobody. Next time you see Rudy, say pull, pull Rudy aside and tell him to take. Well, she was right on radio. He was crazy. It was crazy. Are you serious about that?

He went back to Texas with this Mexican transvestite. They were doing drugs together. But the best was me. Oh, I get a call from, you know, a lot of people, you know, you thank so many people. Rudy was very good to me in the beginning. So you know, Rudy Moreno, you know, he's like one of my brothers.

I feel bad about the ice house, but Rudy did so much for me in the beginning. Like for me, too. There was a point where I was living on a couch and Rudy would say, listen, come down and pick up 40 dollars. Yeah. 40 dollars on a Friday night. That's the kind of guy he was, bro.

Always. You know, to you people home going, 40 dollars ain't gonna save you. Listen, when you're living on a couch, 40 dollars is cold cuts and routs and bread, some sodas and some cigarettes. That was a happy. Rudy Gilbert, those guys.

Gilbert had the VFW in Long Beach. Best fucking tacos ever in that truck. This is 15 fucking years ago, not this food truck invasion now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a Mexican in the van with an extension, with a stove he built in there. This guy made fucking Lee.

You would pitch a tent if you had these tacos. I'm sure you've talked about them like 10 times. Oh my God. Every time I see Gilbert, I go, Gilbert, what are we doing the VFW? I go 50 dollars just to get the fucking tacos. Luke Thor, do you remember Luke Thoris? Luke Thoris.

I've seen them. We're all together, but we're all together, bro, all the time. And it was tight. Did you know that you get to do not K-Locos. Yes. I did K-Locos. In fact, I just put it up to the day until I went. I think I did it with you.

Because it's just so my scene with George Lopez and brought me up, you know what I'm saying? And that was back in 95. No, that was back in 96 because I had just done Conair in 95. You know what I mean? So he uses that as my intro. He's got a movie coming out on Conair, a movie called Traffic, blah, blah, blah.

No, shit, no, that was way later, bro. Because he talks about traffic. So that must have been in 2000, 2001 with the K-Locos. Yes, yes. Because I was in town already. Yeah, 2001. You did the other one. Did you do the other one for HBO?

They didn't let me on, bro. What was the name of that one? I forgot. I know what you're talking about. I forgot what it was, but they said I was too dirty, bro. It's nice to be dirt in the beginning. I was dirty like a motherfucker, but I was dirty and then and I'll fuck everybody. I get it. They were like a bro You know like you never be on Jay Leno. I go fuck. I don't give a fuck. I mean people are laughing, right?

I'm fucking because I said I watch Carlton and say he didn't give a fuck right He didn't go so I said and I would just talk about my you know sexual experiences and different kind of experiences You know I'm saying and I would get busy with it So I knew they told me listen bro your materials to blue But then there's clothes for the size to go to the different clubs and where they they ate it up You know, but now over the years I just I tried once in a while let that blue shake go come out. You know, I mean, but I have fun. It's more fun I love see I'm

Real listening to Richard prior Red Fox and shit. They were always like that. So I that's where it comes from bro You know what I mean? That's my like when I hear you I love to hear because you don't give a fuck and I like that shit You know, I mean, why would you at this point? Yeah, you know I'm saying well now he's just a and now sometimes I get self-confident You know, maybe I shouldn't talk about this too much, you know, but I've had fun with it Just the thing was it said everybody had something to say about something I didn't like that, you know It's a rough thing sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough to deal with Last night I had a hard time at the store. Did you really? Yeah, because I went to the store early and

When you go to the store sometimes People talk to you and you're thinking about comedy You know, I'm thinking about fucking come. I'm at the fucking comedy store. Yeah, I'm not at Joe's Pizza Hut I'm at the comedy store. I don't know who the fuck's gonna walk in here and who I gotta follow So I'm paying attention. You don't think I'm listening to that comic But you gotta pay attention, you know Maybe you'll throw something that I could use as a callback whatever exactly and people come over and they want to talk to you about scripts They want to talk to you about a web series last night

Another guy if I be interested in doing a video for YouTube, you know, and you just want to hang out I love why don't you email me in the daytime? You know, I'm over here. I'm in a different fucking head. You know, bro. You're working. Yeah, so it's just that that It's there's so many things, you know It's just then you have other nights when you go out and 20 people beat on you and how bad that career is going And how you could help them, you know It's always something so after a while you just want to go do your stand-up and get the fuck out of it You know doing comedy at home and doing comedy on the road is completely different

Like it's completely different because you go from the hotel to the stage the little menial things aren't in your way You go there you do the show then you talk to the people you take pictures When it's here, it's different. I don't even like it sometimes when I'm on the road. I'm fucking working Sometimes when I'm here on Tuesday, I don't fucking go into town. I'm home, you know I got the fucking while I'm on the road. I'm fucking ready to go, you know, yeah, but I love comedy I love acting too. I love doing it all Switching up sometimes you pop a movie. I'd love to call a club on and go guess what that date showed up your ass I got a movie. I'll be back. I'll call you next year and they like what the fuck I love all that

But listen man, the work is dried up. I mean I got older and I get calls for stupid shit But it's not what it used to be for me. Yeah, I'll pop something I'll pop one thing a year which keeps me happy. I keep my sag insurance there you go Because at the end of the week, that's the most important right there right I get glasses I got a free finger up the ass you get everything You get the physical for 15 bucks But if not the finger in the ass is free come on down with the blood pressure with the your lungs The way I don't I'm gonna do that she next Friday man. He won't fucking talk about the issue man

It's like go to sag and all the time Bob. Hope that's why I go. I got a gun. I got been there for I've been I've been on so the second she was for the past 22 years I've been I've been blessed right. I always made the number one all the every year, bro So I've been good, you know, I always made it day one. Yeah, man So I always try to book a commercial there's angles see there's angles Because you gotta you gotta make a certain amount of fucking dough Yeah, and with all these sag hunnela movies those things don't fucking count So you got to catch certain things but now

The union broke so you have after insurance and sag insurance when you do a TV show That's after like a mother fine over and that's that that insurance is a little less than Obama care Obama Don't even approve after insurance. It's so fucking bad. So you gotta get sag insurance. Yeah Yeah, and the only way to get sag insurance is to do movies or to do a fucking commercial to Commercials are good commercials are good, brother. I went in one for Monday. I didn't book it. I got a call back I got put on the veils Nothing. That's too much too young. Oh, is that right? It's over. They were looking for like 58 59 mafia dudes for John Steve look good. Don't pull like that man. Yeah, but fit down

They had a lot of guys that have a ball there. I know how completely white, you know, yeah, yeah, this can look fucked up already You know, I'm saying that's the work My little Elvis thing going on, you know saying you keep in touch with the guys in the show store. I mean you Yeah, yeah, in fact, you know, I just had lunch and dinner. That's not what didn't Cali the guy pays a cop He has a nice place right here called the black market in the black liquor market. It's a very good place, bro I'm in trouble about you. Go check it out. It's really nice something with tapas and we went this is his part owner So we were there last night. We mean, you know dating the other answer answer The cop. Oh, yeah, I met him through Chas commentary. Good. Yeah, they know they're the good friends, bro

I met him on men versus women. He had just shot the the poor Castellano movie with With Chas commentary and he was in the dressing room and you know, I asked him a few questions He asked me what role I was doing He was very nice. This is 20 fucking years They go back a minute. In fact, we're talking about Chas last night. I mean, I'm dating and hang out with Theo You know, Theo right? He's out and talking to me. He's doing he's coming back doing a movie here called low writing So we've been talking about that and I'm staying in the everybody's cool They want to take, you know, the guy Kim coach we did a thing at the troubadour a couple of months ago

You know so and Michael of course I travel Michael We do a lot of autograph signings and they'll book a lot of different one of the different people from different Whoever they want to book they bring us together and we go different times I got like about eight days right now to go out and do some autograph signings. So it's really cool man, you know It's funny when I went to New York last year. I went to Gotham and I was there for two nights And four people asked me about in New York. Like you really know that guy. He's been on the podcast Okay, you know You really know

We go back and I'm like, no, I really know him. So it was like in New York They have a lot of love for you and you were telling me one time you went back to New York and have been you had never been there before And how cool it was and how wide open they give me a lot of love and you really don't probably New York is they got no fucking Mexican food the smartest Mexican in the world is the one who invests in a Mexican restaurant in New York But they got to keep everything cheap. Yeah, if you don't keep it cheap and you start like there's a place in Englewood Cliffs It's not bad, but every time I walk out, it's $80, but not Brooklyn check it on Brooklyn I figure what street is on come on my my wife's brother owns a pharmacy on Brooklyn. It's a real popular street, bro And now my brother-in-law and next door to it is a fucking Mexican restaurant homes, right?

So I say, you know what after I feel before I go back home I'm gonna get the whole family and I'm gonna take you to this Mexican record. I looked in there was real Mexican is working I'm gonna fuck right fool was excellent, bro I forget the name of the street, but I will text it to you just the next time you go down there It's in it's in it's in the heart of the it's a it's a the heart, bro. It reminds me of downtown LA It was kind of like it looks like what you see in the movies, bro The fucking New York, New York, you dig all these Puerto Rican Dominican people running down the street Yeah, every time I go to Mexican place the Puerto Rican dressed up like a Mexican

Working in the kitchen you gotta get one of them here. What the fuck I keep telling Paula's mom She's moved to Boston. Yeah, that's like She makes tacos Dorado, which are great But they can make a whole bunch of like hands like easy to pick up foods tacos are regular tacos and like enchiladas Yeah, they would make millions million. I was saying last night the steeps the moon delivery service when millions when I moved out here. I Didn't realize there were other tacos other than the the hard Hard to use with the ground beef look at this in the cheese my old lady my old age

She's Dominican from Brooklyn, right? Yeah, she comes out here and she thinks fucking Taco Bell is Mexican food I I knew it wasn't Mexican food, but I didn't realize. Oh shit. Um, sorry. I didn't I didn't realize that what those little things were the guy never had cilantro and onions on You know and then like in my my old lady so then now she's you know with a Mexican I would go visit my family and everybody cooks and she was is I go. That's a real taco right there You know, so that's a burrito. That's not this and that but let me tell you something brother My wife now knows how to cook Mexican food, but she has a little Dominican into it Out of the park every so what does she cook everything you name it brother the Dominican flavor

What's wrong? No, no, no, no, she was that this is a deal. She makes her own little Her own little sauces on Monday, and she puts that sauce and all the food throughout the week You dig but she won't tell me what it is. She will not tell me. She was wife Well, she can cook for some motherfucking bitch. No, that's not gonna happen. She won't even tell me her recipe, bro And my wife my wife kills it bro She's but she she's got the Mexican dishes and she has a little favorite to it So good, bro. So good. I love Mexican food, bro Yeah, and you know what my favorite region is Colorado, New Mexico. I like that like green chili on my food

Same here, bro. Yeah, I like that green. You ever get that new Mexico Chile, bro. Will they stuff them up? Oh, I love all with the potato anything that has potato and green chili But what you child wrong in that motherfucker get up by one time. I was in what's above It's Albuquerque Albuquerque, yeah, it's what's above out where I shot the longest yard That's a new Mexico. What's the name of that new Mexico? Yeah, but where I shot the longest yard is an Albuquerque It's the town up. That's really nice. They have three big places in New Mexico. How long we up the full Santa Fe Santa Fe There you go. Santa Fe's badass, and they got good food in the future. Good up there. Yeah, man. The food was good, huh? Yeah

Santa Fe got good food. Yeah, you know me dogs. Well, as long as you got green chili sauce We're good juice and I could dip my fucking thing in there and eat the chunks like Denver I go to Denver. I go fucking bananas. You can hear a child all over the place. I join. What's your favorite place, bro? As a fat fuck As a fat fuck just all the way around all the way around. I can't give you a favorite place I like so many places that I go to different things. I'm excited about Houston. Really is that right? Houston rocks. Yeah, I like I like Utah, man. I love you. I guess I could see I love you Okay, can't beat that. No, no, no listen scenery. I went to college. I lived I went to prison in Colorado

That's as good as the scenery gets in this fucking country. Okay. There's no better Okay, yeah, I met like the fuck I like Denver. I would live in Boulder right now in my family and my daughter There's only one problem. I can't get out. I can't count on that airport. Oh I think it did Colorado bro. It rocks and roll from like October until probably March September September September You get one shot to let you know. We're coming. We're not coming right now It's gonna be 90 tomorrow. Everything's on the melt. We're gonna drop eight or nine inches on you just to show you Yeah, I dig it. We're coming and then they drop more in October than once November comes ice Until fucking April April April April 5th

You gotta be crazy going through Colorado to about eight you know what I mean, yeah So I would live in Colorado right now, but that airport is too fucking Jackson too much now I gotta cut that out. I go. I like going to Denver. I perform in that cool motherfuckers. I'll be there in June I like going to Texas, you know at the end of the week I got to be honest for you the people who like me the most as a whole with Texans You know They gave me a Houston and Dallas and San Antonio and El Paso bright cut my teeth no pass. I got VD in El Paso I did the best blow in the world. I got a gun put to me in El Pal

Passos just that type of place and the owner Bart Reed would put me there every six weeks for three or four years As a feature act is that he would tell me this this head line is asking me for more money bury him Burry him so he would call me give me an extra deuce and go work like this motherfuck up So we make them work so when he comes to get a raise I go, how can I give me a raise? So he would give me every six weeks this guy is that right and I would go down at two weeks a shot You know and at that time I was a junkie. I would go down there and all I would do for two weeks is Do call me get high and eat That's it on Fridays. They used to make a Yucatan fish you listen

You could be shot bleeding with a coke rock in your head you walking there that you can tan suit would bring you right back Yeah, yeah, he's let you drive home. They need to call 911. Okay, that's how strongly you doing no No, this is real. You don't listen man with I Don't I hate to say this statement. I fucking hate to say this statement when I go to fucking Jerry's deli and they give me chicken soup It's some water some guy put together whatever tomorrow if you guys aren't doing nothing I don't know the Mexican place, but I know the Cuban place. We go go to Cochinita tomorrow It's Thursday in Silver Lake, but we're Marilyn Martinez used to live right there on Sunset Boulevard. It's a Cuban place It's the best Cuban place for what I like. I like pork chunks with the white rice and the beans. They're real Cubans

Yeah, there's a Cube in the back, but the thing has for the chicken soup in there You know when you ask the Spanish person for chicken soup, there's no little corn. They give you a whole fucking thing Then there's like a chicken eye and a head in that motherfucker somewhere because that's what kills all the diseases That's what kills the disease I'm telling you when you eat that chicken when you eat a Mexican chicken soup. There's bones in there Those bones got in them we think they release into your system Chicken head off they cut the feet off

Depends on Mexicans eat the fucking they boil the feet too cuz that has the dirt that adds the whole flavor That's what makes you run quick. You know the same those little chicken legs make you fucking run quick How many times you eat Spanish soup and they just throw everything in there, but it's the bones It's that soup that absorbs the bones. It's that DNA That's what they give you when you're sick, right when you make that with the Jewish people they got the Lots of balls lots of ball soup. They kill it. But no, I love Love food my mom used to make and stuff. It doesn't compare It just does to Mexican food and then like I'm not a huge fan of it

But fo if you like soup and like spicy soup, that's just good You like fo and I like it might be everyone always says oh Matz is so great every non-Jewish person Matz is the driest most disgusting cracker in the world. What is that? No, what's it called? I never heard that it's gross. Is it really it's not bad. I like it's not my favorite Come on. It's like tofu. No, but if I go up to Jerry's If I'm in the city or what's happening in the village and I get a pastrami sandwich I got a little matzah ball soup on the Friday. What the fuck give me next time I come down, bro I do this. I'm gonna have already make your soup. You're gonna have no more soup. No, we're brown

What kind of soup whatever you fucking want? I'm tough her chicken soup is off the motherfucking hook, bro I'll tell you right now Anything pretty much that she makes Joey You're gonna fucking alone. Tell you right now, bro. You know I'm saying but you guys talking about soup next time I come down here. I'm gonna bring you some of her soup dog. I Make a good omelette. So buddy. I'm fucking terrible. I can do an omelette and that was terrible I'm so terrible and this is not a joke About three weeks when I got up really early like just couldn't take it no more

I got up like a four and by seven I couldn't take him and I tried to make a cheese omelette and the little baby walking through The kids and she see me cooking. She looked at him and she goes, uh-oh She's like, I know honey the fucking it was a cheese omelette, but it was brown Yeah, I've never seen no like that. My little bit of milk honey, bro I'm okay, right? I put it listen my egg omelette for years. I made a cheese omelette. I like to listen Yeah, yeah, there's one thing Uncle Joey likes. All right. I like cheese on this Okay, a slice of thin American cheese on that motherfucker. Just like that you get one two eggs break it yoke that motherfucker Shake it a little bit of milk. Just a little time. Yeah, yeah, just a flat little fluff little pepper heavy pepper

Yeah, salt in that motherfucker Put some butter in that bitch. Yeah. Yeah, and that's all you need because it's a greasy man I'm pretty much a pan. Yeah, you drop that you put the lid on it and then what it's cooking you put the slice of American cheese Or maybe two I put you put them catty corn like the square over square Then you fold that motherfucker up with some week, but you know what you do look at now You got to do this homie you got me you got to get some you know, weenies some some you know fucking Some wiener dogs, right? I like pepperoni and then chop them up a little thin right homie Okay, then then what you do you fry them before you put them in the fucking omelette for you kid

We can't do it together because otherwise they'll be uncooked So you fry them up to get a little dark in the corners You assume like that you got your omelettes ready to go you put them inside there bro with that cheese and then close it Over on time you try to teach you from the can those no no no no no no no no no no Oscar Maya Wieners, bro Hot dogs hot dogs you slice them up then though, bro No, you gotta listen to me. It's no it's good. Don't be fucking on my cheese. Oh, no No, you put it. No, it's serious. I know I give you some You should try pepperoni. It's really good. Do you do the same thing you crisp it up

Pepperoni. Yeah an anomaly. Oh, yeah, it's he's almond. It's really good. How about some spam you like some spam? No, I Cut them with some spinach. You got you got burn the edges too, bro Jail type This dad brought it with us on a trip one. Oh, I love spam and it was he like here. I got us a can Let's try it. It was terrible. No dogs. You get a little spam You cut that motherfucker up then you fry that motherfucker. I still we expand bro. I love Yes, I do

Six months ago. I asked my wife, but I like spam with spinach, but I like this finish with garlic and a lot of butter Oh, you take a bite of the spam and you take a little bite of the spinach. That's fucking pop I didn't yeah, my wife my wife says you like that spam. So I go Yeah, I just you know, she makes cuz she cooks it up good, right? So she'll fire it up pretty nice and puts it in my omelette bro. Yes, man I guess if you put it on it, it might be okay, but hey, it's uh, it's good man. I came from Cuba. I Just want to be American So I eat hot dogs. I used to eat cold fucking hot dog

I can't do that. Oh, see who goes in the refrigerator and takes a hot dog and eats Because I thought it would make me a more of an American but one of the things I listen to funny I love health I love being I love trying to be in shape. I understand what it's to be eat healthy But there's some shit. You just gotta eat spam is one of them I'll tell you what else I get a hand on once a year some dinty more beef stew like a motherfucker Right with some white bread and some butter Stop that petrified meat. You don't even know what it is. You eat it You close your eyes you never thought of it, but you know what it's good, bro. It's good. I like it

I love dinty more Hollywood I told Terry Terry get to Kansas dinty more. She look at me. Are you serious fuck? Yeah, you dope that You want to be something you want me created bro You get that fucking didn't more be stew right and you get your top ramen don't put that fucking sauce in there Just get your top. I'll make your nose and put that d-more on top over that's that the ramen bro. Oh, that's come on You're only feel right there That's the real now you got some now you got some texture bro You dig what I'm saying you got the noodles going on you got come on, bro

When I was poor poor in Seattle, I used to buy 10 packages of ramen. We all did bro dog But I would dope it up. I make a good one garlic some onions in that motherfucker You dope some ramen up with two packages When you get to when you get the shrimp ramen bro, you get you got by some real shrimp, bro And dump it up in there. You know I'm saying yeah, they give you those little communist shrimp from the fucking do all Paper bro shape like shrimp, you know, yeah, no those things are disgusting. I'm a friend of mine told me go to that place on sunset and Vine Yeah, there's a little mall there. There's an Italian restaurant. It's tremendous me and my wife was

I took Terry in there one night. We went we got some shrimp. They actually gave us those shrimp out of a can Is that right by herself? I got up. I'm like, how fucking why do you? Shrimp out of a fucking can reels. Yeah, what is shrimp out of a can look like it's this you could tell it's just this fucking thing. That's You could just tell they're small. Oh, that's gross disgusting. I'm inside a heart attack I can never eat frozen shrimp like if you go to like a party in the shrimp cocktail is frozen It's gross. They got thought up bro. It's hard to eat them when they're frozen. You know, so no one not one It's actually frozen frozen, but like I can like I'm from Boston. I can tell when shrimp is all right on you guys like Yeah, you guys have time shut her down, right? It's like trying to have grocery store sushi. It's gross

Well, yeah, I went to eat and there was a shrimp cocktail. You took one of those frozen. Oh, no, that wasn't frozen That was delicious. Okay, that oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. No, that was you don't want your shrimp cold No, no, no, you want a cold but they come when it comes from the freezer and they defrost it That's I'm saying the stuff we had at Morton's was probably a day or two old was on like What is it? Whatever that is dry ice. That was delicious. Okay, cuz that ice is as cold as it is in morning It better be fucking good. Oh my god. It was delicious. It was good shrimp. Yeah, they have a good shrimp cocktail. They really yeah Yeah, it's a fuck around. It's a hard. Yeah, right. I mean, but it ain't a Mexican shrimp Cocktail

That's why I told John homie over here even though compadre who doesn't do a good job with a lot of dishes They got a fucking tremendous. I like I've had and I like the taquitos. They do good. They talk about sunset, right? Yeah, yeah, they have a good taquitos or the cocaine business in there. That's the best business They got the bad even the way there's a sweat if we go in that dog the way it is like, please don't know the food Please I don't want to go to bed the fucking I used to go in there the tamales are great late night The whole the whole arm when you get the combination, please come nation place I was gonna take Lydia night, but that place a little too crazy. Yeah, I used to I used to cop in there That was my spot though. They know that they cleaned it up now. That was my spot

That was everybody spot. Yeah, I didn't know yeah, I saw it Tarantino on that motherfucker night the way this had a carry him out and his legs were dragging That's how drunk that boy was. Is that right? He would go on every night and then Lindsay Lohan were going at seven She cuts the Mexicans fresh off the press She wouldn't even let that shit melt in their pockets while they were cooking and it's cool in there because it's always dark in there It's dark. Yeah, you're gonna see what we don't see nobody. You can't tell them. Yeah, they have a phenomenal Mexican shrimp cocktail. Yeah, they give you five shrimp outside

and Then the inside has 20 little ones with avocado and And they give you a bag of crackers and you fucking eat the crackers and you get a beer stop it Lee don't even fucking get me when I went to San Diego with Paul We went to this place that didn't even have English menus It was called like Karina's and I got these shrimp tacos and I normally don't like some tacos these things were amazing The pico de gallo was great. Nice soft tortillas and it's amazing and it's so good I'm gonna get some shout outs here. So we get my boy out of here

newly won Congratulations on the baby Ryan knows Chad Bolton Don C. The strong Joseph Randall Mr. Dead Holes Alex Bones Jones dirty cake and Joe Kenyon thinking about you cocksucker Making sure everything is beautiful down there in New Jersey Joe Kenyon and my man. There's newly love is today He found out he's having a second child. So you gotta give him some love, you know, so I want to do a shout out to But I'm a friend over there in Long Island. I'm helicopter Mike, bro I know you you're a little bit down right now. Hope you get better brother I look forward going back up there and flying up in your helicopter, bro

You get better man. Okay, you go up in helicopters. He owns a he owns a couple of helicopters now Yeah, he does it up man helicopter Mike. We call that's three million a piece those fucking helicopter And they're bad it one of his paint already white in blue, bro It's bad ass he took us up to the Hamptons over the Hamptons flew over that and then He goes you already had some fun. He was a gunner and in the wartime, you know, and I Go just do this, you know, it's me my wife my boy my and her nephew and he dry He right he flies your sting like a like a toy, bro Like a fucking toy and then he went this way sideways, bro

Fuck the sideways like this one like this. He flipped the other way and then my my nephew just threw up all over Fucked up that right. Hey check that one season joy. I'm gonna I'm gonna be in that on NASCAR raised brother tomorrow I get my first test run April 11th that fucking Erwin Dell, bro. I'm gonna be racing some cars for the autism man So hopefully you can check it out if you got here in town, you know, what's the date? It's April 11th April 11 And now I'm doing a three test runs. I don't know how the fuck they want to give me a car But I mean, how do they afford to give a crazy, you know, I Don't you're gonna drive like a real race car. I'm racing and I'm not just driving. I'm racing homie

I'm racing 10 other guys. Have you practiced them tomorrow my first day practicing You know first day and I'm gonna do as many I get four practice runs before I do the actual race, you know But I understand is that how You know, cuz I'm thinking fucking shaking big bro, tell it they're good night shit That's my whole That's the whole thing right now. It's gonna be fun, right? But then I was thinking maybe I just be the fucking cruiser and just you know coming last and just cruise a whole fucking track You're what's doing the race me on the me rusty coons, you know, big rusty from from sons of anarchy

Danny trail is gonna be on there mark Chris key from channel five and Four other people I haven't got the whole I haven't got the whole this shit But at the end there's ten of us bro, it's gonna be fucking crazy, you know, if you do if you do it again next year You have to have Joey in it. You put the air on I'm sweating bullets. Okay. Yeah, we gotta get joey I'm gonna give you a race as the wild card cuz I'm a cruiser I'm gonna cruise around my life, bro. You know say now when I'm open open road. I'm a good. I can go fast straight I could go fast straight. Yeah, but fucking going in circles over again over again But then I'm gonna have a spotter. There's gonna be a guy with the microphone

He's watching me from on top the tower. He's Tommy come up come down come down, you know, so it's gonna be interesting. You know what I'm saying I'm on the road every weekend You know what you are pretty much when I go on a really run I go on a road run, but it's Saturdays, I'm in my hotel room, you know Thursdays I do radio Friday. I do radio. I sleep. I work out. I ride a little bit, but Saturday is my day off I turn the TV on and I sit there and I got a notebook and I got my iPod and I'm mind fucking myself at the computer But while all this is going on, I'm watching TV and I'm always watching TNT and collateral comes on

yeah, and There you are on a scene with Jamie Foxx The bodyguard, you know, and I'm thinking I'm watching you this about two months ago I think I called you after we left today. I was thinking about I didn't tell you what really happened I'm watching it And I put myself where you were. I was that fucking high. I like I was 11 in the morning I had already smoked a joint. I went for breakfast. I'm in my room. I'm hired and fuck and I'm watching you and I go I Put myself where you were

And I go right now, what is this guy thinking? This guy, you know came from a family of fucking eight God knows what you saw Later on you went to the army whatever happened. You did drugs for a while. You did all this shit You might have been close to death. You might have been close to going prison and here you are on a scene With two of the top actors working and to yourself right before they're getting warmed up. No, you know, you do Blocking and all this. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you sitting there right before this? This is what I this is what happens to me man all the time, you know, I'm doing grudge match I'm sitting there. I'm just about to do a line within a row one line

And right before that moment. I said to myself Who the fuck would believe this? When you were doing coke or drinking or sleeping in a car, you know, for me it was being in a jail cell You know looking at fucking 48 years I think of all that in this capitalized moment this little capital life flashed before your eyes 30 seconds and you feel like telling your life. Can you fucking believe this? Yeah, these motherfuckers knew what I really did. Yeah, what I look like at five in the morning after three days Yeah, when I be on this fucking set, I

That is my biggest Question constantly I forget who the fuck I am sometimes I go to the commie store like it down in last night and there's our senior hall There's Ari There's you know, what I'm a rare and there's all these people were legends man Yeah, and if they knew that 20 years ago, I remember I walked into it in fact today George called me and I go Why he goes on the coast side parking was in fact, I was just thinking of you. That's funny You call it. What were you thinking of because I just drove by the Carvel where you stole the can of change from that time

Who's George my brother in Jersey? He's already 20 years. He's my best friend 35 years and we're sitting there, you know, if they only knew I remember doing a movie with Dick Van Dyke and Wow, well those lifetime movies But that's how I learned to speak English when I came from Cuba put the TV on it was dick Van Dyke La la la la la la la Yeah, and you sit this is happening to you happens me a lot Joey it does, you know, and I think about that you know and like I said, I don't take anything for granted bro, but But then again, bro. You have to flip it flip it around the other way

What's their story, you know because we know ours. What's their fucking story? you know I'm talking about they've already made but they're everybody always the guy everybody has a story to tell you dig and And it's just that we tell ours, you know? And the thing is, and I still, to this day, bro, before they say action, I get those butterflies in my stomach. I really do. And I hope I never lose that, because that's my only high I got left.

You dig what I'm saying? This acting is my high. You know, I'm an addict for life, bro, you know what I mean? And this feels good, you know what I mean? So I chip, and a lot of times I sit down in my room, and sometimes I give you a fucking traitor, you know? It's like a small house, you know? I'm talking about it like, what the fuck is going on over here?

I have a movie coming out in September called Agent 47, you know, a big movie. And I was up in Germany last year, and I got there. And they gave me a badass fucking apartment, bro, to stay in for the next 10 days, you know what I'm saying? And I laid down in my bed, and I'm saying, and I reminisced, bro, you dig what I'm saying? But you have to not only appreciate it,

but you know what, say, I work for this motherfucking thing, you know what I'm saying? You think about what you gave up, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm glad I gave up some of this shit, because I must have had to be giving up. But you know what, bro? Take it, and run with it. That's all I got to say, because you know what?

We earned it, bro, you know what I'm saying? Everything we went through in our life has helped us get where we're at right now, you know? I answer emails on Sunday. I got an email that I thought about. My kid wants to do comedy, you know? He's living with his parents. And I remember I read the thing, and then I had to do shit.

I had to take the baby. And I took a shower, and when I was in the shower, I thought about his question. What was the question? About standing up comedy, like, what do you really have to give up? You know, like, what do you give up? Do you give up a social life?

Like, I gave up TV, not because I didn't want TV, but because if you're going to become a comic, it's a nighttime job. You got to be at that 8 o'clock. You don't have a spot till 10, you go out there at 8. You don't know who's going to be at that library fucking place, that pizza place that you're going to. You have no idea who's going to walk in while you're on stage.

They're offering you a spot, so you got to go out and hustle it. It might be for $5, it might be for gas money, might be for $25, but it might not be for anything, which means you're punching in. That's all you're doing. You're punching in. I punched in tonight. That's going to come to you later.

Right on. Might come in eight years, might come in 10 years, might come in 15 years. And it might not come at all. And it might not come at all, but at least you did it, and you've got it. But this happens to me constantly, like when I'm stand up some nights, I go pull up

and your name is on the thing. And you're like, if these fucking people only know. But that's an interesting point, to think of where they, what's their story. Exactly. You see, the thing is too, Joe, you said, I get a lot of fucking emails too. And I want to start writing a blog, so I can't answer it,

but I get a fucking lot of emails, bro. I mean, too, you know, it's a social media, you know? And this is the deal, though. Everybody wants to do what you're doing right now. Well, goddammit, it took me a long time to get to do what I'm doing, just like with you, put having your name on that list. Your name wasn't always on that fucking list.

It's a buildup, bro, you know what I'm saying? And all of a sudden, no, I go, I tell you what the way I did it. I'm going to tell you how I did it. I did theater. I went, I took classes. I did more, I did a lot. I did a lot of free shit before I even got paid, bro. You did what I'm saying?

I don't know how to fucking, it's part of the gig. But nobody wants to do that. Everybody wants to just, no, I want to do what you do. Well, yeah, bro, that's cool. But you want me to tell you, this is how I did it. And this is what it took. It's like, I'm still looking for a big fucking break, brother. You know what I'm saying?

I'm still looking for a fucking break, you know? So, I'm not saying that's the only way to do it. I see myself, you never know. But if you're asking me, this is how I did it. When you tell me how you did it, you tell me how you did it. And you know what? It's a motherfucking struggle. And you know what?

At times, you're in doubt if anything's gonna even happen, and you see slowly, but should you, you know? As long as you're moving forward, bro. You don't talk like you said, punching it, keep punching it, you know what I'm saying? Fuck that. That's, I wanted to ask you, because there's so many scenes,

there's a scene that you do with Jimmy when he comes to see you. The bizlets set up a meeting for you to talk to him and you're talking to him about orange and black is gonna run yellow and black and black and white's gonna get together. He's paying attention. And I watch it.

I love acting. I love watching and I know what I watch good acting. When you, and you can't watch good acting, you have to hear good acting. Right, very good, very good. That's how you hear it. Very good. I don't even watch it.

Sometimes I'm doing something, I'm getting coffee. I put on Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. Boom, boom, I put the TV, I hit it down to four. I press the button and then I take Netflix, I hit Sons of Anarchy. Whatever season I hit it, it starts. They say last week on Sons of Anarchy, while they're doing it, I go into the kitchen

and I put the coffee on, so I come out. But sometimes when I'm in the kitchen, I'm listening to the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh God, that was awful. You could hear it. Very good. And then sometimes you hear it and you're like,

this motherfucker's talking from the gut. You know? Did that happen when you're high too? When I'm high, I can tell it's really a bad act. Yes. Like I used to love the movie Friday and I watched it stoned out of my mind. I was like, oh, this is terrible.

Really? Well, some movies it's just so slow. Some movies can't compare. You're used to something else. No, I used to love Friday, but like especially like some of the scenes with the data, it just like so, it looks so forced. And I'm not even an actor.

But tell me about the Ice Cube movies Friday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but those movies are supposed to be like that though, but it's just way over the top shit. You know what I'm talking about? It's just, you know, tongue in cheek, funny stuff, you know what I mean? That's over the top acting going on there,

but it's funny stuff, you know? No, you had some great scenes on Son's Anarchy. You built a beautiful fucking career there, man. That was just, it was a stepping stone. Big time, you know, it was a great showcase, you know? And it started to give me that, you know? The scene with Jax when you tell him you're setting up in Stockton.

And he goes, I never knew about that. Oh, we're doing that big walk scene? The big walk with the fucking crazy dude behind you walking. Happy, yeah. There's just some great scenes in that. And when I first started, and I saw the formula, listen, I'm gonna tell you something,

L. Ray Channel, Robert Rodriguez, he's got Miami Vice on every morning. I see that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put Miami, at night too, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it on, and give it 20 minutes, and you're like, hmm, this is Son's. Really? Now you got me thinking.

Okay, they always have something at the 20 minute mark with music and a video. Son's did that the last two seasons. They had to do something. They always had a chase at 20 minutes with some music, and they had, you know, the one with Jimmy Smits and Jackson in the car, and the van was following them, they'd drive the car around,

and they went back, more dejanos, mejicanos, meladinos, and they'd. I don't even got the music down, bro. I don't fuck around, dawgs. You know, listen, I didn't have, when I go on a fucking set, okay? When somebody says, when I look at someone, I go, dawg, Lisa Yat is a funny motherfucker.

Why doesn't Lisa Yat have a TV show? And you come over to me and go, they gave them three deals, the fucker can't act. That's the question that baffles me. It baffles me. You know, that's a great question. This is a deal, though, about that, because I've seen it myself.

I never mentioned names, but the thing is, when we do comedy is one thing. See, I trained to be an actor before I became a comedian. You dig what I'm saying? So I was comfortable going on stage, because I was open to the stage. But what happens when you do comedy, bro, you are you. You dig what I'm saying?

You create this word. Somebody might write a little note for you, but you just incorporate who you are. Now, when you're an actor, as an actor, they give you dialogue and stuff, and you don't know how to channel that part of you to do this kind of dialogue. It sounds weird, but I've seen it happen, bro.

And I say, I know some great comics, and I've heard the same thing. You've seen this tape, it fucking sucks, you know what I'm saying? And I'm thinking, okay, well, and then I'll go see the fucking tape, and I'll go, wow, he does suck. I mean, he's such a great comic, but he fucking sucks with dialogue that he's not used to,

that he didn't write for himself, that he didn't say comfortable for him. You go out of your comfort zone. That's what it is, being an actor. You gotta get out of that fucking comfort zone. You know what I'm talking about? Whereas a lot of times I play a bad guy, and I was a bad guy in real life,

so being a bad guy is my, I'm okay with that, you know? But now, people are saying, why don't you play the good guy? You know what, I'm a nice guy every fucking day, bro. Every fucking day of my life, I'm a nice guy. Let me continue to do this fucking bad guy, because it's therapy for me. You dig what I'm saying, bro?

So I'm good to go. I mean, when I'm about 60, give me about five more years, I'll start playing the dad and all that shit, but right now I'm having a fun time. And now I'm playing the cop, though. I got this new show called Hand of God with Ron Perlman. He pays a judge and I play a cop on it, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

What channel? No shit. Go to, you're gonna like, you're going decades. It's on Amazon, the pilot's on Amazon right now. They're doing 10 episodes right now, bro, you know? But check it out, it's really good, man. What is it called? Hand of God.

And he pays a judge, he's just Pernell Harris. You know, it's so good, man. Check it out. I remember his normal program, you know? Yeah, well, Amazon's kicking ass, man. Amazon's not fucking around. Yeah, it's like Netflix, bro. You dig what I'm saying, you know?

You can, now you can order shit, now you can watch their movies and stuff, you know? But, Joe, I'm telling you, bro, you would dig this program, I'm a Hand of God. It's, it's, that's always like, the big question to me is, let's pretend you don't have the money to go to acting school.

I fucking get it, man. Sometimes you get out of here and they rush into something, you know? Okay. But, to me, there's something else. Like, you never watch the movie. What? You never, like, I don't understand

when people can't act. Like, my first reaction was, you never watch the movie. No, but the thing is, is they think they have to act. That's the problem. They say action and they get in, oh, yeah. No, bro, just like, what we're doing right now? We're doing, they put a camera right here, bro.

We're doing a fucking scene. There are cameras here. Well, I mean, you know, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Look at me, you gotta find your own self. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? What the fuck is he smoking? Look at his fucking eyes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want another piece? I'm gonna give you another piece. No, bro, I don't. Fuck this shit. It's Tuesday. But, and that's the thing, exactly, which is what happens when people say action,

they think they gotta act. No, bro, just be. Just be right there, relax, breathe. Listen and react, bro. That's all it is, bro. Answer the fucking question. That's all it is, man. You know?

You know. And some people anticipate. They already know what they gotta fucking say. And what they do, bro, is they, you can see they're like, I wanna see my life, I wanna see my life. No, fucker. You just fucked up.

That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, bro? Don't anticipate, you know? You gotta always pretend you don't know what the fuck, because I don't know what you're gonna say right now. And that's what acting is, bro. I don't know what the fuck you're gonna say, even though I do know what you're gonna say.

I gotta pretend that I don't, you dig? Keep it real. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. That's always fucked me up. But TV, TV, you could get away with being a mediocre actor. In some movies. Not so much to see what's happening in movies now.

They're being more tight with it now, bro. They're going pretty much with that. The guy that comes out and he does it, they know they can trust the work. You dig what I'm saying? And TV, but you know what makes you, what make me, I can say, a decent actor is that I did a lot of theater.

And see, when you're doing theater, there's no room for ever, bro. You can't fuck up. I mean, if you do, they don't know what you're supposed to say, but you know how to move on. You dig whereas TV and film, you fuck up, hey, cut. You can cut your fucking, let me do this again. And you do it again.

So you got a lot of leeway, you know, doing TV and film. But in theater, but see, my thing is I'm always, I wanna hit it the first time, bro. Just like you do in the film stage. You gotta hit the first time. Well, what do you guys think about like Sharknado? Like I read an article yesterday that Hasselhoff said that this was gonna be a terrible movie.

And like, it's a genre now, terrible, good, like so bad, it's good, so like, that sounds like, it just sounds terrible, who said that? Hasselhoff, he's in Sharknado 3. Listen, when you watch the second machete or the first machete, that's what I liked about machete. That it was so bad, it was good. But some of the scenes with the heart.

It's just over the top. It was over the top. You have to go, it's funny. Steven Seagal, it was just so much, it was funny to me. But machete had like a really underground following because of that movie with Tantino and Rodriguez. Does it done? No.

Yeah. Does it done? What is it called? Because that was like a- Duster Dunn. No, it wasn't that one, it was the Grindhouse one. I don't know, I don't know anything about it. The Grindhouse with Death Proof and-

I liked those. In the middle they had a preview for machete. So people were really excited about it. Number one, I will never, ever, ever even turn on fucking Sharknado on any of those fucking movies. I did one of those movies. I did the one with the shark down at Jersey Shore. I did it because I knew the producers

and they called me at the house and they go, we need a guy three days. You did one of those? Yeah, one about the Jersey Shore shark attack. I done other movies for the people. Sharknado, right? It sounds smooth. Yeah, these movies are Night Man.

People watching, they support it so they keep making more and they get rich while these suckers go see these fucking things. I don't know nothing about that. I grew up on The Godfather. I learned how to act. Watching Marlon Brando sit there with Robert Duvall after they shot Fucking Sunny.

That's your acting lesson. That's a great fucking acting. That is- And also, if you're gonna start watching those movies and just like that, I love the movies, the whole time movies that come on the waterfront, you see that scene in the back. Oh my God, Marlon Brando to me was dead.

You know, and then you read the whole thing, they didn't want him and he put the cotton in his mouth and they didn't know who it was. Killed it. And he fucking killed it. Fucking killed it. Fucking destroyed it. You know, that scene when he gets up and he tells Duvall,

he fucking tells everybody that something happens to his kid, that he's not gonna forgive. That's some of the best fucking pound for pound acting I have ever seen, ever. Like, and that's my acting lesson. Every time it's on, I watch The Godfather. Exactly. Couple scenes.

And you know, and you just, and you study that, but you still, you steal from the best. You dig what I'm saying? You know, that's, and that's, you know, like, and I still, I'm not saying copy performance, but see what they do and incorporate it to your style of acting. Because I see like, my favorite actor is Christopher Walken.

Now see, Christopher Walken, you see him and he pauses, but his pauses are natural pauses because he gets stuck. You dig what I'm saying? And you know, and I pause and I find my pauses when I act. You know what I'm saying? But I mean, but I picked that from him. What's your favorite Christopher Walken movie? Things are due in Devon when you're dead.

God damn! My favorite is at close range. I didn't see that. At close range? Hit it. Is that Champagne? Last scene, Champagne and Christopher Walken. What are you gonna put in?

Right there, YouTube. At close range. At close range, we're a part of it though. And scene, no, they'll come right up. You see that, you like Christopher Walken too then, right? In that movie, listen, let me tell you something. When you auditioned for the Sopranos, that's his wife. Oh, is that right?

Yeah, so when I first auditioned for the Sopranos, I was outside and she came up. I was waiting to go upstairs and she came because the assistant saw me at Carolines and said, go there tomorrow at 11. They need to see you. So I was just outside. When she walked up to me, she goes,

hey, you go upstairs and leave your name and number. They're looking for guys like you. I go, no, no, no, no. I'm here for the audition. She goes, oh, you're my 11 o'clock. Come on, walk with me. Ask me some questions. So she started asking me questions on the way up.

And I got me elevated with that. And I go, oh, I asked your personal, you're really married to him. I go, yeah, that's tremendous. To Christopher Walken? Yeah, and she goes, yeah, that's my husband. I go, you know what his favorite movie is? I go at close range and she goes, I love you even more now.

That's my favorite movie. Is that right? Yeah, that's his best. He's such a badass movie. I mean, listen, the truth of the matter is Dear Hunter, with him and DeNiro sitting from across from each other, it's too strong. It's too much.

Yeah, bro, okay, but you know, I saw him on an episode of fucking Hawaii Five-O, brother. If you can look it up, find it with him with, and you know what? That's when he was starting, bro, and you could tell he was just gonna be a badass actor. We'll find it here. He'll be at close range.

At close range. That's nice. You know, fantasy over here. Like white people. No, trailer. Go ahead, Madonna soundtrack. Just hit, ending, ending. It says it right there, yeah.

Ending. At close range, ending. This is, for you people at home that have never seen this, Sean Panic Christopher Walker, right there, that scene. That is one of the strongest scenes in Hollywood. The word on the street was, when they did the thing, watch this, Lee, this is why, this is tremendous film. The word on the street was that Sean Pan shot at him.

And after two takes, he goes, forget it. Cut, cut. I forgot to feed the dog. Oh, watch the scene at the bar. Where's Christopher Walker? Oh, shit. Sean Pan ordered his Christopher Walker son. That's his son?

Christopher Walker orders to hit on, look at him at the bar. Look at this white, he plays a white trash. Feet. Oh, you're gonna have to see it tonight. This is gonna keep people doing it more. This is one of the greatest movies of all time. They dropped the fucking advertising budget

at the end, because Madonna is the song on this. She was married to Sean Pan. Remember the time? This is 85. Nobody ever saw this movie. This mother, she dies. Is that Sean Panic on the car? Yeah, he's doing steroids in this movie.

Is that right? He is fucking gigantic. Speed this up a little bit. How much? You'll see it, two minutes, maybe a minute. Yeah, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. Right there.

He's shot, comes to the door, shot. Knows this guy killed, shot went to court. Put the volume. Let you out of star. Yeah, I just told him to pack the lies now. I'm just running them where they can't find me. It's gone. Nobody can find me.

God. You got up there? Yeah, sure. This is creepy as fuck. This is, guys, I'm dropping a movie on you, motherfucker. Is that... Got to take a leak. You want to set them up, bro?

Oh, my God. That was good casting, though. They look kind of like Father and Son, though, right? It was pretty good. Well, everybody's in this movie. They were all young. The guy from 24 didn't even have a line in this movie. What's his name?

He was an actor, he was an extra. All those young dudes were extras in this movie. So, I'm going to put them on the fucking movie. What the fuck is this? Oh, shit. Come on, guys, you better fucking eat another star. I think that's it, 25 years coming to an end. I got it, I got it.

You're nervous, this is... Good spark is a shit, man. How old is John Pan? I'm going to see you, really. To the panel. And panel. Where you been tonight? Got drunk, had a fight, married, so, you know, kicked her out.

Went to Andy's same old thing, you know? Yeah. Nowhere I've been. Uh-oh. Shoot him, bro. Fuck, you see the blood already? It's nothing. I just kept myself on some barbed wire. Don't move.

Fuck you, move! I'm just going to get some... Just don't fucking move. Is this the gun you used? That's the nice fucking gun. This is the gun you used to kill Tommy, Tommy's dead, isn't he? Don't talk to me about Tommy. That's his real brother.

Is this the gun you used to kill Terry? I never did nothing to Terry. Oh, shit! Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Is this the gun you used on everybody, on me? Is this the family gun, dad? Jesus. Is this father?

Yeah. Yeah, this is dad. Shut down. Oh, fuck you. You're going to die. I know one thing clearer than I've ever known anything in my entire life, except that I love Terry before you killed her. And that is that you're going to die. You got the guts...

to kill... me. I'm your blood. I'm your family. You're not my family, not anymore. Yeah, you're crazy. Crazy gun, crazy. Nope.

Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen! What? I know how it is. Fuck, you got to make it. It all fucked up. I know how that is. Oh, it's all bad.

Before they got you twisted, you must have known something. You must have felt it. I gave you money. I gave you a car. I took you in. And don't that mean something? Means what?

Means what? It means I got feeling for you. What fucking feeling? I can't. What do you... I love you. What... Is that what you want to hear?

I love you. Good. Motherfucker! We ain't out of bullets, bruh. I love you too, Dad. You're gonna be out of bullets. What? Don't!

No. No, I ain't... No. But this is too easy. I want you to die slow. I want you to die every day for the rest of your life. Come on. Come on.

Just fucking move! I move. Did he poison the beer? Nah, he fucking... Forget it. He hasn't seen the movie, so I can't read it. I want it. Yeah, I want it.

This is a fucking badass movie. My brother has told me about this so many times. Oh my God, this movie, and whenever they had... Whenever they had Sean Penn on the actor's studio or the other guy, they'd make him tell the story. Is that right? He whipped out a real fucking gun and started shooting at him because he wasn't scared enough for the scene.

Fucking bitch, for real? Yeah, man. Sean Penn, I don't fucking play no games. Well, there ain't no fucking jokes. You gotta ricochet. Sean Penn got so big for that movie. When you see Sean Penn... He's fucking huge.

And his real brother played the brother in that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see the movie, like I said, it's an all-star cast. And you don't even fuck the guys that are his brother, Christopher Walken's brother. They're all working today. The guy that dated Carmella and the Sopranos. He's hit one of his brothers.

In fact, they kept saying, this is my brother, whatever, he's epileptic, and they'd all laugh at him. We gotta, we gotta. The chubby dude, another guy that's a ratty white dude that did 50 fucking movies. He plays the brother. It was an Academy Award-winning movie,

but they dropped the fucking advertising budget at the end. Like, they usually do. They thought Madonna was gonna carry the movie. They hated Madonna and the fucking kid together. And the movie fucking computes. How do I know that? Because I watch the Actors' Studio. That's how I fucking know this thing.

No, that's good. That's good. Emilio, I love you, man. Love you too, Joe. You know when you call me, bro, I'm gonna be here, bro. Actually, I called you on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like hanging out, bro.

Yeah, no, no. It's been a while. I wanted to watch Sons. Every time I had seen you and talked to you, I couldn't bring it up because I was embarrassed, but I gotta tell you something, man. It's one of my all-time favorite shows. Every time I go home at night, like I said,

I put the coffee on, I smoke a bowl, and the balcony, I come back in, and I put it for more. And sometimes it's an episode I've seen. Like, I watch the whole thing once, and then again. Ireland gets a little confusing, but it still does the fucking trick. They gave the guy a show on fucking whatever. He's doing great with it.

What show? The Irish guy. The one that was... He's badass, but he's a great actor. Yeah, he's a white dude, but he acts Irish. He played the Irish. Let me tell you something. Another good scene on Sons of Anarchy.

When fucking they killed a D.A. agent and that dude. She had it coming, though, bro. Oh, she was fucking... Opie did her ass up, you know what I mean? Opie fucked her up. That was a great scene. How about when they killed Opie, though? That was hardcore, right?

Oh, my God. Broke your heart, right? I didn't feel either or about him. Really? I saw the black guy at Boston Market a couple months ago. Harold? Harold? No, the leader of the gang.

The leader of the black gang. He was an internal affairs. That motherfucker goes all the way back to 87. Wait, wait, wait. What guy? What guy? The leader of the... The bald-headed guy.

The leader of the... Vinnie Brown? I don't know if his name is Vinnie Brown. No, Billy. Billy Brown. He's the leader of the black motorcycle gang. What's the black motorcycle gang? Michael Beach.

Michael Beach. That guy was the cop. He was dropped for a long time. That dude was the cop, an internal fucking affairs. He was, huh? He was the one that was fighting with Richard Gere. Remember, he arrested the hooker. Is that right?

Bro, he arrested the hooker, and as he walks in, Richard Gere goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's one of my snitches. And he trips him. All right. You know, Michael was running along. Michael was a cool guy. He was a cool guy. You know, he shaved his head, and now he...

You know, this is why in this town, you never know. Most people leave. Yeah. Most people leave like that. You don't fucking know. You don't leave, though, man. That's the problem with people that they give up. You can't give up, brother.

You know what I'm saying? And because of the social media, people will be hitting me up a man that I started with, and they dropped out, and they said, hey, man, I wish I would never quit. And they're trying to make a comeback now 15, 20 years later, and it's not happening. I mean, I'm not going to say it can never happen. It's just going to be fucking tough, bro. You know what I'm saying? So you got to go in going hard, brother.

And don't give yourself a time limit, because you never know what you're going to hit. You did what I'm saying. Like I said earlier, I'm still waiting for a break. You know what I'm saying? So you never know. And I'm in here to the wheels while a lot of brother shit. I mean, you know? Me, too.

You know what I mean? I'm having a good time, bro. It's like I'm having a bomb. You know what the best thing about you is, man, that a lot of these young cats look up to you. Yeah, man. You know, a lot of these young cats, I talked to them, these young comedians, they're like, man, I want a career like it. You know what, man, you're paying attention, and you give a lot of young comics.

They know that this could, listen, man, I came out of here. I thought I'd be an extra one TV show. I wasn't being extra one time. There you go. Yeah, yeah. Who the fuck knew it? It's right there, yeah. Who the fuck knew it?

A great fucking move. Who the fuck knew I would do half these things? Spider-Man 2, 18 days in a room, getting paid double, triple overtime. Love it, man. For one line, you know, and them being cool and going, wow. I just came out of here to be a dirty comedian. So a lot of these guys look at you and they're like, you know what, I could do it. He did it.

You know, I got fucking eight brothers and sisters. My dad fucking picks up refrigerators all day for a living. You know, I had this conversation with Johnny Rock. This is why we do have to put him on the show, because he's a big fan of yours. He always says, that's the kind of career I want. I would do a movie. I'd do Sons of Anarchy for a couple of weeks. Then I would do some stand-up.

I'd go, it just didn't happen. He fucking busted his fucking ass. I saw you in an audition one time for the Jim Carrey movie when they sent me in to play one of the Mexican dudes, and you got it. Oh, yeah. Fun with Dick and Jane. It was really cool. No, no.

The other one. I got that one, yeah. That one. I did Bruce Almighty as well. Bruce Almighty. That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy's cornering him.

The monkey came out of his ass, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good, that had turned out to be a great gig, brother. It was supposed to be four days, trying to be six weeks, man. It was a beautiful thing, you know. They broke us off. It was nice. But you know, the thing is, bro is, and I like to give people hope.

You dig and say you didn't go for it, bro. But you have to go for it. You know what I mean? And they're going to see, you know, this business, bro. You're going to hear a lot of fucking noise. But once in a while, they say, yeah, I'm doing it. It pumps you up again. You dig, you know what I'm saying?

You know, it's a place where you can knock it down real easy, bro. But I got knocked down. You see my problem? You know, Mike was not a problem. It's just, it's kind of a blessing. I got knocked down so early in this business, bro. By my own people, you know, can't put it like a bitter thing. So I got over that shit real quick.

I said, you know what? I'm on my own. Like fucking, Frank Sinatra, I did it in my fucking way. Because ain't nobody was going to help me, bro. I found that out real fucking early. Like the first two fucking years, I said, you know what? I'm on my fucking own, you know? And I tell you, man, because I was the guy straight from the hood.

Fucking Hollywood was only two miles away. But how do you get in that motherfucker? You know what I'm saying? And now it's open. People are more open to say how to get in there. But now they tell you, but I was the guy straight from the hood, bro. You know what I'm saying? Where the fuck am I going to go?

You know, how do you do this? I got burned, too, bro. Don't get me wrong. I got burned with some money. I think, you know, pay this. My thing was, like, the more you pay, the more that's not the way it goes. But it happened to me. You know what I'm saying?

It happened, you know? And I tried stopping that. I mean, nowadays, like, people call me, man, you know, I was at the mall, man. And they saw my kid, bro. And they said that that's the one they're looking for, that one. You know? And then, you know, $10,000 later, you know? No, it happened so much.

No, we're talking about that. $10,000 later, you know, they're saying, we're still looking for an agent, bro. You know? But we got to the next level. I go, let me tell you something, bro. Everybody at the audition, if you got $4,000, you all made it. You're all going to fucking make it. You know what I'm saying?

And it's fucking scam, bro. I feel so bad. And there's some people, I would say, would say, with my daughter, they said she's talented. I go, what talent does she got? Because I know some kids are six-year-old. They can tap dance. They can fucking play James Brown on a fucking piano, bro. You know what I'm talking about?

That's talent. You know, they ain't fucking working. So what's so good about your kid? And they think I'm hating that girl. I'm not hating because they're not going to compete. I'm not going to go up against a four-year-old little kid, bro. You know what I'm talking about? I'm just saying, if you got $4,000 a dump, go ahead.

But then they come back around crying and say, you know, you were right. You know? And I go, I've been burned. I got to be honest with you. I didn't even get cast in that. What? Like, when I came to this town, I was like, oh, you got to get cast in that. I was like, fuck you, motherfucker.

It's $55 to fucking act. I didn't go. I remember some guy kept coming to the comedy store, going, listen. I'll get you in Titanic tomorrow. Because when I got here, the big movie they were shooting was Titanic down in Mexico. Right. They had a fucking big old boat over there. They had a big old boat.

And people were like, they were looking for extras. And this guy kept saying, dog, listen, I know the director's so good. You give me $40. We'll do the paperwork. I'll get you down there. What do they pay? $50. So what the fuck would I give you?

$40. Let me get the $50 first. Then let me pay you the $40. Go fuck yourself. You're bullshitting me. I mean, there were so many little fucking scams. I paid for acting class. I paid for a couple seminars with good casting people.

But once I got the bearings, I would always get, like, if it was a big audition, I'd get private coached. Good. I go to a guy and pay the $40 or the $60. And I really get something out of it. That's okay like that. The thing is, bro, don't get stuck in fucking classes. I know a guy that's been in cast for eight fucking years.

He never done a fucking job on TV or film. He's the best in his class, bro. You dig what I'm saying? Oh, they'll tell you, Mike. She doesn't think I'm ready yet. What the fuck are you talking about? Of course not. You keep on paying the question again.

If you can breathe in a fucking glass and fuck the bottom, you're fucking ready. Get the technique down. Find out what's the technical part of it. Find your fucking writing. Find your mark. And then go out there and see if you can really act, bro. You dig what I'm saying? Because as long as you're paying, bro, see, I used to teach acting.

I had like 20 students. The reason I quit, because I didn't know how to tell motherfuckers they sucked. And I wasn't going to keep their money. You dig what I'm saying? Because you see no improvement, bro. And they're like, and then I get in there, you're tying them, you know, um, even though they're doing the work, they, I sent them home with an assignment. You know, in a monologue, you know, during this, see what you got?

They had no clue, bro. And even though, and I had only one class. So there was some people that were really good and some people that were really just really bad, and they were all being charged the same. And I just, I taught them all day. I said, you know what? I can't do this. I can't take the fuck.

I couldn't. I couldn't. Because there's some people that don't, that just don't get it, bro. I was in the acting class with this kid. We'd go to lunch together. We'd team up. I loved him. He was from Philly.

I'd help him with his scenes. He'd say, Joey, I come. That's the dude. I bumped into him six years later, and now he had gone from Havana Chubby to Leslie Kahn, where they were taking him for 600 a month. And he was doing every class, every seminar, and breathing, dance. What the fuck are you doing? And I said to him, have you booked anything yet?

Well, excuse me. Leslie doesn't think I'm ready yet. What the fuck are you talking about? Get out there. And I saw him again. Now he's an agent. Wow. He's in comedy at one of the big agencies.

Okay. Okay. Well, you know, the whole thing is, a lot of times that happens to a lot of the agents were people that are trying to be actors. And they just said, let me go with a secure thing. You know what I mean? Because somebody would tell it. But yeah, some people are just the best actor in their class, bro.

And then they feel, they feel it's secure. Then they feel they're secure. You think I'm going to kill it tonight? You know, yeah, you're going to kill it every fucking week, bro. Oh, I remember people telling me that they killed their scene in acting class. People like, dog, you're not going to believe what happened today. An agent was in there from fucking CAA. I killed the scene in acting class.

And I'm like, oh, no. The new thing now is there's a service that you pay them, and you go in and do scenes from movies, and you put that on your reel. I know. Lee, you should do that one. That's fucking like stealing. Have you seen that, bro? Bro, my friend, the girl who babysits the baby twice a year, pulled me aside and went on the way out.

And she goes, do you have five minutes? I was like, sure. What can I do for you? She's like, I wanted to talk to you. I'm really getting into acting. I couldn't get an agent. I got a commercial agent. She tried.

And she goes, this is what I did. She needed a reel. So she paid like 800 bucks, Lee, to do four scenes. They edited it for you? They edited it for you. You get your friend to come in. Oh, that's depressing. She had a dog wardrobe.

They did it for you. She did a scene from the one with Marty. Yeah. Which was on the other night. I would love to see a casting director's face when they put that on the DVD player. Listen, man. Kids come out of here. They don't know no better.

The agent has a 10% deal from the fucking guy. So the agent will sell it to you. Talk to your father. Let's do this. This is what people are doing now. I just got somebody a movie for this. Maybe they get 20% out of the 800. There's always somebody getting a kickback, brother.

You know, talking about, you know. You're fucking crazy. And just the thing is this, and I'm just being real, real honest with it. Just find out the technical part. Find your fucking mark. Take a few acting classes. You know what? Don't get stuck in that motherfucker, brother.

And that's why people get stuck, bro. You know what I mean? For me, it was like you said, technique. I remember booking my first job was basketball. I had no idea what they were talking about. I had no idea. Action, cut. I had no, just to get on your mark.

So you got to know that shit, see? Drog, I just moved here. Listen, listen, dawg. I moved here. I'm at the improv. Somebody comes up to me on Thursday and goes, I managed commerce. Would you like to give it a shot? I'm big on the acting side, and I got connections for commerce.

It's sure. Tuesday, I did the paperwork. A week later, what was the hottest show here in this town in 97? NYPD Blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? Yeah, yeah. I got me in front of NYPD Blue every other week.

They fucking, that's how I met Danny Traho. Is that right? I met Danny Traho in an audition. We talked very nice. Yeah, good guy. That was the first audition I went on. Then the second audition was NYPD Blue again. I go to the Fox building.

It was all the way at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did a couple of episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tennis France was on the news. So I'm walking back, bro, to my mother's grave. You can't write this shit.

As I'm getting right here, they're doing auditions. They're doing auditions at all the doors. I don't know nothing about nothing. I never booked a job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was never an extra. I know nothing. And as I walk up, a lady comes out.

Who works? The casting people who gave you God Almighty. What's their name? Miss Almighty. Almighty Puma. Okay. Libby. Libby Greenstein.

Libby Greenstein walked out as I was walking and she went, you here for the audition? What are you going to do? The fuck are you going to do being with your fuck? No, I'm here to fucking paint the building. Yeah, I'm here for the audition. But I didn't get to read these. Knock on the door when you're ready.

I knocked on the door. Listen, dawg, I knew nothing about nothing. I knew the comedy store. I didn't know anything about SAG. I knew nothing. I wasn't a lie to nobody. Yeah, yeah. I was living in a hotel on Schrader.

That little crack hotel that's now the hostel. And across the street is where I ended up living for 12 fucking years. And that little apartment building, not the hostel. I lived there. That place was crazy. I'd go there at three in the morning with Coke. I'd be in the thing jerking off and all of a sudden, three, 16-year-olds are knocking on the door,

asking if you wanted tea from fucking Europe. Get the fuck out of here. It was crazy. It was crazy, that place. But you know those places that you see on TV when the phone rings in the hallway, they pick it up and they go, yo, that's the hotel. That's the whole town.

I went to this audition on a Tuesday. Listen, I was so bad, bro. I didn't think about it on the way. You thought I thought good. You thought, I'm not going to get that. I'm not good enough to get that. I've been in prison. You know, I'm on probation.

I got a warrant in Seattle. I mugged people growing up. I sold Coke. Only decent people booked this shit. I'm an animal. They're not going to give me this. I got a call three days later. They want to hire you for three weeks at 5,500 a week.

I was minus 80,000 then. Lee says he owes the government 8,000. I owed the government 80 at that time. American Express, Discover. Remember, Discover used to send you checks. You remember you got the credit card? Three days later, they're sending you checks. I used to bang those checks at two in the morning when I needed to cook

for 1,000. Then Monday, they call you and go, you got no money left in your account. What do you want me to do? Call the cops, bitch. I owed Discover like 8,000. I owed everybody money. And here I am.

You think I'm going to get that roll? I'm not going to get that roll. A piece of shit. 5,500. Wow. Are you ready for this? They paid for SAG. Oh, they tapped hard.

They took care of you? I had booked the Taco Bell commercial. Wow. Good for you, man. And I had booked something else. I booked a pilot for CBS. Jesus, you did good, bro. Yeah, bro.

My first year here. You were a must hire then. Yeah, exactly. So they must hire me. I told the guy the truth. And in those days now, they'll finance you. If you call SAG, call the SAG office tomorrow. If you're calling for financing,

press down for them. We'll email you a credit app. Well, now they, I think, how much is SAG? 2750. To get in now. To get in. It was 1200 when I joined. Yeah, I got in.

It was about 980. Yeah, 980 for me. 980 was 1100 for me. Yeah. I said, I didn't have the money. I didn't even have it. I had a manager. I didn't have an agent, but I knew this agent,

Danny Robinson of the APA. This is a true story. That was Doug Stanhope's manager, agent. And I called his office up like a man. And I go, Danny. I met you here at the improv. You're very nice to me. I'm the Cuban kid from New York.

And we started talking. And I told him my situation. He goes, who is it? And I go, Levy. He goes, give me your number where you're at. And he goes, I'll call you back. And he called me back. And he goes, I'm going to be honest with you.

I really like you. I like that you called me. He goes, if they don't pay for it, I'll pay for it. And you can pay me back. Wow, that's beautiful. And an hour later, he called me. He goes, listen, I talked to the production company. They're going to pick up the tab for you.

Good luck. That's when they like it, bro. They picked up the fucking tab. And that's how long ago that was. What was I going to say? I didn't know nothing. The pilot I shot, they didn't shoot that scene. They were going to shoot it now for season one.

So they paid me for the pilot. But they never shot me in the scene. They go, you know what? We're going to open up episode one with it. CBS got, what's his name? To direct. They paid him a million dollars to direct an episode. Because it was going to be CBS's answer to NYPD Blue.

It was a show called Bronx County. And you ever heard of that? And that was the bartender. Where the lawyers and the cops hung out at. They wanted a Cuban dude or a Puerto Rican dude to respect the English and Spanish. That would have been cool. They signed the fucking eight episodes.

The pilot never got picked up. They paid the 93 million dollars. No, that's what they said. In those days, you shot the pilot and they already had the offer done. It was all. It happens nowadays once in a while. I think I was getting $9,000 for eight episodes.

It was first year pay. I don't know what the fuck. I was already looking at cars and shit. When they called me a man, they go, it didn't get picked up. It might be a mid-season replacement. Wow. That would have been a quick jump start for you

in the beginning, bro. Fuck, man. But I got the first Taco Bell commercial with the dog. You did? I thought it was Carlos Aurelis Rocky's. It was Carlos Aurelis Rocky. It was The Voice. I was the first one.

I booked it. They canceled the commercial. They would shoot three commercials at once. So they would shoot like from March 25th to March 31st. They would shoot three commercials in those six days. When I got there Monday, they go, can we talk for you for a second? We scratch the commercial.

But sit here and get paid for two days. The second day, the director heard me talking at lunch and he goes, I'm going to get you in this commercial. Oh, that's cool. You know the guy that was the principal. His wife used to be an agent and he was one of the early guys, Latinos at the comedy store.

Not the guy that does the writing scripts. This is a different guy. He doesn't really matter. He was a comedian? Yeah, he was a comedian. He was the principal. I was cut from my commercial. This was a commercial that was set in Miami.

So I'm getting my shoes shined. The kid that was the extra was a kid from the improv, Latino night. I think when he taught tennis, Mexican kid, he taught tennis. Really? Cool motherfucking. Why do I don't fucking know him?

He pops up once every two years. He was an extra on the commercial. You're not Luke Torres, right? No. Because he shined my shoes, he became a principal. You become a principal when you have contact with the other principal. He became a principal. I became a principal.

They cut the guy out that originally had the commercial. Wow. You never know, man. I remember that guy calling me going, did you get your check in the mail? I go, what check? He goes, yeah, you're supposed to go to the check. They cut me from the commercial.

You're getting cut too. They cut that whole scene out. I never got a check. I go, you know what? Maybe my agent's got it. I'll call him and call you back. I call my agent and he got a check from me. He goes, no, you got nothing.

As far as I know, you're in the commercial. And since it was the first Taco Bell commercial, a success blew up. So they had to keep playing it. They were in the World Series. They would play it in between innings. Oh my God, nine o'clock at night. I was getting so many checks.

I didn't want checks no more. You were just sitting there with the calculator. You were like, no, because you don't know. It was in those. It used to be a lot better, bro. The residuals were sick, bro. Yeah. Oh my God.

You'd open up. If your commercial gets booked, let's say your commercial gets picked up for 13 weeks. They pick it up for national, basic cable, wildcard. That's $6,000. You're getting the mail right off the bat before they do anything. And then once you see that motherfucker air,

it's all over. Tell mama to watch that pussy. You're going deep. It's a second cycle. Once that second cycle. Bro, I didn't know nothing. I just saw the checks. I would call talent partners once a week.

Hello, this is Joe Diaz. How many times have my commercial run this week? What am I expecting? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to know how much cocaine I can snort with my parameters. I love you, buddy. Thank you for coming on. Let me get some sponsors.

Emilio Rivera, what do you got coming out in September? I got Agent 47 coming out in September, bro. Also, you can watch me on Hand of God on Amazon. I got a movie coming out called Freddie. I got a movie coming out called Badzville. They run this summer. And time in between, they run in December. There's a few things coming out there.

It's pretty cool, man. God bless you. God bless you, bro. You're a bad motherfucker. Thank you, bro. And you know who else is a bad motherfucker? On it. Why?

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