Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #269 - Steve Byrne, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 31, 2015

Steve Byrne, Comedian and Creator of the TBS show Sullivan and Son, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Jungle Boogie - Kool and THe Gang I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet For The Love of Money - The O'Jays Recorded on 03/30/2015

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Oh, shit. Say that again. Oh, shit. Go to Onit.com and use code word church to get 10% off of all of the great optimization products, like Alphabet and New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport.

It's code word church. You get 10% off. Go to hitesigs.com. Hitesigs, better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars in varying levels of nicotine if you're looking to quit smoking.

Or if you're just looking for a great e-cig, go to hitesigs.com and use code word joey's church to get 20% off. Go to irondragontv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a brand new Roku channel that has all your favorite martial arts movies, has great Onit videos, everything you're looking for. They have 4K technology and a lot more coming soon.

Use code word joey to get two free rentals. And for all of the oil and wax smokers out there, go to nailedatlife.com. That's nailedatlife.com. And use code word joey Diaz to get 20% off your order. What's the story? Oh, shit. Down, get down.

Oh, shit. Down, get down. Turn to what's happening now. March 30th, 2015. For you fuckers that are not paying attention. Down, get down. Oh, shit. You mad mother fuckers, Steve Burns in the house.

The flying Jews in the house with picnic shirt on today. Look at him. He's going to picnic a big crisis house after we're living. Oh, shit. Down, down, down. What do you know about this, Lee? We're the women, man. We're the women of the park.

We're the women of the park. Oh, shit. It's sexual. It's a beautiful day to be alive, cocksuckers. Welcome to the church. What's happening now? My main man, Steve Burns in house today. Lee Syat, direct from, how was the weekend, Lee?

It was great. Tell him what you got. You got dumplings. Yeah, we went to Koreatown. He goes fucking nuts. Got dumplings. You go to Koreatown, Steve Burns. Every now and then, you fuck with those motherfuckers down there.

You don't have to talk to them. Yeah, those are my peoples. I've never got Korean, I haven't got Korean barbecue yet, but do you want? You haven't? No. You got to do it. I heard it's amazing.

Amazing. But there's always lines. Like, there's always that. That means it's good. Every one of them can't be good. There's a line outside of every one of them down there. Oh, you don't go because there's not kosher. Which one do you go to in Korea?

Chosun. Chosun's choice. Where's that? That's the popular one. It's kind of like the high end. I think if you're going to do it, you do it right. Right, no, I do it. I want to do it.

But have you watched Bourdain's show? Yeah. It's the one he went to with David Cho in Koreatown, the dumpling place. Yeah. Oh, so good. So we've been there like five times. And it has a B rating, so you know it's good.

Yeah. They bring you the Bontron, the kimchi and stuff. Oh, I love that. But you've got to be within, you know, if you have kimchi, you've got to be within like a two mile radius of your house. Oh, I didn't know that. The first time we went, we put it in the car in the back because I'm a Jew, I wanted to take it home.

We went to a bar for drinks for like 45 minutes. Came out, the car smelled like someone took a shit in it. And I had no idea. That you took a shit in it? Apparently. That's why you don't bring that shit home. We had to throw it away at a gas station. No shit.

We went to Versailles for Sangria. And we had to sort of win that gas station right there in West LA because it just stuck. We had to drive up back on the 405 with the windows open. You ate that, then you, it's just, it's like spicy hot cabbage. Cabbage, yeah, it's what it is. Come on.

Yeah. It was cold out. I thought like if I left it in the trunk, we left it in the trunk, not even in the regular part of the car. But you eat that, then you have Sangria's afterwards. You might as well just start the clock on your tummy. Yeah.

It's just like any second it's going to go off. Oh no, it was great. But then yeah, we went, we went and it's always busy, but it was, that was fun. And then last night the mom made tacos and it was awesome. I'm getting a Mexican girl, so her mom made tacos. Not a Jewish mother. I ain't losing this fucking mind, Steve.

Yeah. You're in love? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's been almost two years. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Congrats.

Going well. He likes messing with me, but it's fun. Who doesn't, who doesn't Joey like messing with? And your apartment's always cleaned out because of her? It would be if I let her in there, but I don't, I can't let it. No, he cleans it. He gets a maid, he gets his stuff.

Once a month I have someone come over. He got this Vietnam bath to come over and clean this house. Oh, I thought like the Mexican girl would leave and then all of a sudden the Mexican girl comes over to clean it up. Oh, she would. Her mom totally would. Her mom offered to do my laundry.

That's very nice. I can't, I can't sort that. That's old school. But Joey's worried and now I'm worried that the mom wants to move in. She does what he doesn't know. This fucking guy doesn't know that. Once he marries the daughter.

You married a family. The daughter's gonna say, listen, I can't leave my mom by myself. Because the cousin's automatically gonna meet a guy. Then they're gonna move everybody in. She's gonna be right there shadowing you. If she makes talk, if she makes talk as like she made last night,

then I'm fine. But it becomes something different. Once they move in, you gotta learn Spanish and watch Novelas with them and rub their feet with fucking. I'm on what? With that Santa Claus juice. Last night we watched the Mexican version

of the kid's voice. Like the voice, but it's for kids and it's Mexican people. So like Daddy Yankee was on and this guy who was a mariachi when he was a kid and they were dancing the entire time. And right after that, by like the biography of Selena came on and she was singing,

she was singing while she was cleaning. Were you sitting there throughout this whole thing? For part of it, yeah. Oh Jesus Christ. He said, well, this is why I give him a hard time. What am I supposed to do? He says, thanks for the tacos. You get the fuck out of here.

I'm done. I'm out of here. I don't need somebody singing Selena songs. That's bad luck. I'm saying she got shot. The woman that like killed Selena. Looks like the woman that Schwarzenegger banged and had the kid with.

Same woman. Don't you think they look at it literally exactly the same as that crazy little weird Mexican lady? Was her manager? No, it was her manager who shot her. Well, kind of like the fan group, fan club. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was stealing money from the fan club. But the interesting part of her community service was to do a house cleaning at the fucking Swartz Vegas. Swartz Vegas gave her a stab and boom, and scores the baby. Are you fucking crazy, Steve? But that lady's doing time under the fucking jail. And she never said why she did it.

I asked, because I thought she was one of the ones that died in a plane crash, but apparently that's Aliyah. So I just didn't, I'm not a big, that kind of music fan. And she said, no, her manager shot her. Aliyah's black. Aliyah's black. I don't know who Aliyah is. This is what I got to deal with.

You said you got to deal with her? Selena. When he goes down to the career town, and he's dumplings and jumps up and down and shit. No, I don't know, but how come she's never said why she killed her? Like who, everyone always says- She stole the money, then when she got accused of it,

she shot it, but she had mental health fucking problems. That's why she shot it. I think she shot her in the, yeah, they held her up in Corpus Christi and some truck, and they had to surround her at some hotel or something. Selena's like the Mexican Elvis. They just will not let this woman go away. She's always, every year, there's like a Selena Fest

and all this shit, and yeah. She was huge, man. She was about in 94, you know? Listen, the sad thing is everybody's always about to do it. Tupac was about, Selene was about, you know, but the album was great, and they shot it in the process of the album being popular. What was that song?

I don't know. The Slow Jam. Not a bad jam, it wasn't bad. And then the movie, they made the movie with Jennifer Lopez and the fucking deal. You know, I remember Howard Stern made comments about her, and the big thing was Howard Stern had to get security at the Mexican mafia was Howard Stern and shit.

And I shoot him, James almost was on his way to fucking New York and stuff, so. Got a message, can I mess with Selena, though? You gotta be a little fucking careful next thing you know, we got the cart down in our living room, making meth and shit, banging our wives. What the fuck, Lee, you didn't know? Well, anyway, yeah, it's time, that's all that matter, sure.

But I actually had something that I was thinking about I wanted to ask you guys. So my brother called on Wednesday or Thursday, whenever I went to see Vicky Pezza, and we were talking, and he was saying how much money he's making, and I felt in my head a little bit, he wasn't doing it to be mean,

but we just hadn't talked in a while. And I started thinking of all these things and how I'm not a bad person, but I felt bad about what I'm doing. And the next day I was thinking about it's, him making money has nothing to do with me, really. And I was trying to think of quick schemes and how to start making a lot of more money,

but I was just like, it must happen a lot with comics when people are doing better than you and making a lot more money, and how long did it take you to not freak out about it, like to not get really pissed off and think you're all I'm gonna go back to rob and people or whatever. I knew from the beginning, I knew from the beginning

that all you could do is worry about you. I knew from anything else I ever did. That's- Yeah, when you're a comic, you're just golfing. You can't wear, yeah, he's having a great round, he's, fuck that, you just, you gotta concentrate on your game, that's it, and you're always competing against yourself.

That's the way I've always viewed comedy, because that shit's gonna eat you alive. Literally, it's just gonna eat you alive. There's always somebody who's doing better than you. There's always some new guy that's gonna start to pop and the flavors of the month, they all go by the wayside. You just gotta keep doing your own thing and keep working your ass off.

And hopefully at the end of the day, when they bury you, they see some dirt underneath your fingernails and go, oh, that guy worked his ass off. That's why I always look at it. You know, it's cliche to say, but it's like, I'm a little older and life is like peaks and valleys. You're gonna be hotter times,

you're gonna be colder times. It's life, you're gonna have good years, you're gonna have a fucking bad year, you're gonna have a divorce, something's gonna happen, you know? Your mom passes, your dad passes, something happens and you have peaks and valleys, but you keep going,

and I think it's the same way with comedy. When you first came in, I asked you about the show. You're a solving son, which you created and sold and big ups to you, bad motherfucking moving the world of comedy. Most importantly, you brought your friends in, which meant the world to me. You brought, I would watch the show

when I was on the road on the Saturday and I'd see Owen Benjamin and the black dude and I'd see how mad I'm at and I'd see all these guys and usually comics get a little success and they alienate themselves. But the good ones bring family in to have that closeness on this set to watch your back plus to make it fucking funny.

And that's what you did, so I give you all the grace in the world. But then, in 97, 96, a bunch of comics got shows. Do you remember? You remember? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was Margaret Chell because they all wanted to duplicate Tim Allen.

It was Margaret Chell, Greg Gerardo and Tom Rhodes. They threw three shows at him, all three shows failed. If those comics would have put their heads between their tails and said, well, Tim Allen hasn't disappeared. They wouldn't have been here. Margaret Chell's doing better than ever. Yeah.

Whatever, Tom Rhodes is funny and fucking ever. Yeah. And Greg Gerardo rests in peace before he died. He was one of the top three fucking headliners in my world and my country. I agree with you, yeah. So, for some people, they fucking fall wayside. This takes them aside.

Oh, I can't deal with it. Brothers, they fucking scrap off. They got a Robsby sandwich, a salt and pepper, some potato salad, and they get right the fuck back out there. And that's the best way to fucking put it. That's the American way. Yeah. You know, the people that you see that are in therapy

and on Zoloft and whatever the fucking pills are, that's because something's triggered and they won't let that motherfucker go. Yeah. It's here. We get it and we sympathize with you and we understand you went through a rough patch, but there's a whole fucking world out there.

Yeah. There's a whole whole world out there. And so what? So what? There's a guy that's funny in you. Bill Burr's hilarious. Yeah. Fucking Sebastian's fucking hilarious.

You're hilarious. If I went home and sat there, I got to beat number three. You're missing the whole point of this fucking journey. You got to be you. That's why one of the things I learned when I was at the comedy cellar in New York City, seven years at the cellar, you see everybody there. It's much like the store, where on any night,

Chappelle's going to come in. Chris Rock's going to come in. Seinfeld's going to come in. Anybody's going to come in there and kill it. And you might be after that guy. And when I was starting off, I was always like, oh, well, I'm not as good as Chappelle. I'm not good.

And the thing I realized after seven years is the audience doesn't give a fuck. They're done. They're gone. They saw them. Now what the fuck are you going to do? That's all the audience cares about. And I learned that.

It took a few years to learn it. Because in your head, you're thinking, oh, I'm not at that level. Well, of course you're not. But at some point, maybe you will be. But all you can do is your best when you're on there and give them the taste of who you are, your identity, and just go from there. So I agree with you, everything you say.

But when you're younger, like I remember being 25 and getting a call from, I was living in Colorado. I was making about $6,000 a month selling cars. I was taking six credits at night. I had a dog. I paid $450 a month rent. The car was given to me if I sold three or four cars. I wasn't doing bad.

I wasn't fucking doing bad. Did I want to test the Rosa? Did I want to chicksuck in my Dixie burn? Did I want to go through a bar and pay for everybody's drinks? Did I want to be that guy? I think we all do when you're, you know. And I used to have friends that would call me from Florida and go, hey, man, we threw away $100,000 last night.

Like we lived on fire last night. What do you mean? We're down here. Remember Bob Galindo? He has a stock guy. I came down. He bought me $5,000 suits. And I'm living in his house.

I'm selling stocks. I'm swimming. And then I'm going, holy shit, what do you make a month? And the guy's like $28,000. And I don't work Fridays and Saturdays and all this shit. And I'm hanging up the phone and feeling like you and going, well, but going, you know what? I got my own thing going on here.

Not being jealous any year later. They all got arrested for penny stock fraud. And they all had to do 10 years. They lost their licenses. And today they're firemen. You know, they're doing fucking roofing work. I see them when I go home. All those guys.

Your brother's a fucking fitness guy, OK? Unless you're fucking Jacqueline, you ain't making no fucking money in fitness. He's a personal trainer making $12,000 a month. I'm sure he's paying somebody who's doing 1,000 things. That shit don't last. I wish him a lot of fucking luck in the world. I mean, I wasn't mad at him.

We don't have a good relationship. But he wasn't doing it to be a jerk. He was telling you what you should be doing to make that type of money. Like that, a little bit like that. And then it's just, he's my younger brother. I'm the older brother. And part of me was, I should be making more than him.

But you're right. He also lives two blocks from your mom. And he goes over three times a week for dinner. You follow what I'm saying to you too? Doesn't he live close to mommy? Yeah. All right then. So at least you're out here sweating your balls out

by yourself. What the fuck does he know about that? He's two blocks from mommy. Shit goes bad. He goes back to mommy's. You're out here living with two Mexicans. Shit goes bad. You're on the floor next to the cousin

and the fucking the other guy who's not around the money. Yeah. Right or wrong. These people, you know. Totally, yeah. You cannot ever worry in your life what somebody's doing. You cannot worry about it in your life. It should inspire you.

Especially when somebody close to you and they're a good person. Yeah. And something good happens and you're like, wow. That means I got a fucking chance. Yeah. I got a chance. No, and I hope he does well.

Cause he's worked on it for years. When you see fucking people on TV that I know you don't want to name with a fucking moron. And you're like, this fucking idiot's making a living. Can you imagine what I'd do if I got a paper and a piece of paper? Yeah. You know what I mean?

If I stopped drinking, got a piece of paper. And that's how, in my world, that's how we became comics. We were reflecting through the channels one day and we saw some fucking idiot making jokes with a balloon in his head and we saw him again and then we saw another stand-up show. And then one day you go, you know what, to yourself. You go, you know what, I'm funny in that fucking country.

Yeah. And then some guy at work while you're driving a limo or whatever goes, you're a funny guy. That matches both thoughts together. I'm funny in that fuck. Now you have the fear of getting on stage for a year or it took me a couple of fucking years to get on stage after that.

I determined that I was funny in that fuck I saw. Right. And my buddy told me I was funny in all those fucks. Took me a year, you know? But that's it, it shouldn't spy on you. It inspires you. When somebody goes, I wrote a book and you're like, this guy has a hard time fucking waking up.

Yeah, I mean, when people talk, say those things to you, you have one or two routes. You let it eat you up and you give into that negativity or you use it as fuel and you go, you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna blow it out now. So that's, you know, you can sit there. This guy's making 12 grand doing jumping jacks. Can you imagine what I can do?

Can you imagine what the damage I can fucking do? That's how you have to look at things and that's inspiration sometimes, that's motivation. For me, it is. For me, it is, you know, I don't, the worst thing when you saw that 50 cents sold fucking vitamin water and got $80 million, how bad did you fucking feel?

You've been drinking Kool-Aid for 2,000 years. You never figured out to put vitamin C in that motherfucking bandit. How dumb do we fucking feel? It's American ingenuity. He said, you know what? Why am I carrying vitamin C in water or my multivitamins? Let me put it in the motherfucking and sell it.

Oh, how bad do you feel? Do I hate 50 cents? Fuck no. Thank God you paid attention when they made Kool-Aid. We didn't do dick. We just were pissed because we didn't have enough sugar in that motherfucker, I feel. Yeah.

That's, this is life. It's a beautiful fucking thing. Yeah. That's why if you want to put a... If you want it to be. Yes. And even if you don't sometimes. Yeah.

I know a lot of people who are rich are miserable motherfuckers. Exactly, yeah. They scumbag motherfuckers, but that's the way it is. I'll tell you something. Right now was, I had the baby this morning. I got up at three in the morning, my wife was puking. She gets migraines. She won't fucking go to acupuncture.

She won't get it fixed. But I, you know, all right, you gotta fucking migraine. So I get up this morning and go, you know what? I'm not gonna go to 930 Jiu-Jitsu. Right. I got a podcast at 12 with Steve Byrne. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take the baby

so you can relax. All right, I took the baby and that wasn't bad or anything. I took the baby and I put her in a stroll and I got a ball and a bat and some water. She wants to give her milk. Don't give a fucking milk. I put Sonny on her, her stomach will curdle. Give her water like the communists.

I took some fucking water. I froze the night before. That's the worst thing you can do is give her some milk when they're outside playing. I never thought about that. Yeah, give her fucking water. It's 90 degrees in Sonny L.A. You give me some fucking, you get milked.

So, so, so I take the kid to North Hollywood and I take it to the other end of the park. And I give her the bat and I'm walking back. You know, the birds are out of the sun. It's 10 to 10 in the fucking morning. And I'm gonna say to myself, what would make me happier than this at this point? Yeah.

There's nothing. Not a TV show, not a blow job, not a pound of blow, not living in Columbia, not jumping up a parachute. This is it. This is, right now I'm not even happier. I don't even give a fuck about my commentary anymore. Because I'm being, I'm a man. It took me 50 fucking years deeper than to be a man.

Finally get together. This is what I need to do, pay bills. And I had the concept in my heart and my head. I just never put them together. Right. You're always too crazy doing something else. And I always tell people, forward comics or actors or writers were men.

And for the first time I feel like a man. Yeah. This is what I'm doing. I'm supporting a family. They're happy. They're all leaving without me, which is perfect. That means you're doing even better than what you think. Yeah.

You can put somebody on a plane and go go. Don't worry about nothing here. Take an extra deuce, get some fucking, celebrate at the airport. It's a good airport, Chicago. I've got tons of shit to eat, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure you had that when you, you know what?

After you hit 35, you know that you can have a million dollars and still be a fucking. The happiest times I've had was when I had $8 in my ATM. Oh, by far, yeah. The greatest, I think like the greatest times I had as a comic was when I was starting. Like you romanticize everything. When it's all a reality, when you're headlining,

when you're doing an hour, when it's fun. But I don't know, like driving around military towns 18 years ago, sleeping in my Saturn because I couldn't afford a hotel room, looking up at the stars going, it's going to get better than this. This is great. I mean, I'm making a living, quote unquote,

doing comedy right now. And I was barely hand in mouth. I was sneaking on college campuses to take showers in the gyms and just going around. I was like, this was exciting to me because I was doing comedy. So yeah, those are the happiest times. It's still great doing comedy.

I love doing it. It's not a job to me at all, but I agree with you. Thinking back to those years, but you take all that and seeing a kid, like my daughter, when she laughs, I'm like, that's the greatest laugh I've ever heard. I've heard a lot of laughs 18 years, but that's the laugh I want.

I love that laugh. So it's always those little things now. The little things are what makes you happy. And you started in New York first time you ever got on stage? Well, it's much like what you were talking about. I finished college in Ohio, I went to Kent State and my parents,

my father's from New York City. Jack Lambert. Yeah, exactly. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. So my dad grew up in New York City, got transferred to Pittsburgh, working for the Yellow Pages. So then he went back to New York City when I was in college

and I said, can I crash into a couch for like two or three months, experience the city? Your dad. My dad and my mom, yeah. So they said, of course. So I finished college. I literally graduated, got my diploma, got in a car, drove to New York City.

I said, I got in at like nine in the morning. I said, I'm not coming home till I get a job. I started on 96th Street and Broadway and I walked all the way down to 50th and Broadway. Took all day. But I got to 50th and Broadway. I walked into Caroline's Comedy Club. The manager was there.

I'm like, I'm looking for a job. He's like, what do you want to do? I said, I'll do anything. He said, come back tomorrow, fill this out. And I started sweeping the floor, answering the phones. And I saw a bunch of comics. I thought, I'm better than that. I think I could do that.

So that's exactly what happened. And it took me four months to work up the nerve. And I went to stand up New York on the Upper West Side and tried out for the first time. And I came off stage and I was like emotional. And my brother came out, he goes, why are you crying? I'm like, I'm gonna do that the rest of my life. I don't give a shit if I ever make a dime.

I will do that the rest of my life. So that's how it started. You, when you said that story about sneaking into colleges, I remember fucking being excited to feature. I was gonna feature, not really feature. It was a one man headliner, like an hour, 20. And I was gonna be like the MC slash feature. And I'm getting in my car and having an ashtray

filled with quarters, having like eight joints, my clothes, maybe 20 bucks, B210 from Colorado. And I knew in two tanks, I'd be like 2000 miles to the gallon. Yeah. And I'm gonna pull into Michigan, four dollars. I already ate two Subway veggie and cheeses. I can't even look at another fucking veggie and cheese. You know, if I had up the change in the four bucks,

I probably got $16. There's nothing there for a hotel. You know, I'm gonna pull up and I'm going into the town and go, I'm here. And they're like, it's Wednesday. You don't start till Thursday and going, oh shit. Yeah. What am I gonna do?

Well, you don't know, but we can't get your hotel till tomorrow and not having a dime and going, wow. Nobody turns the car around. Yeah. You find the holiday in and you park back there and you, Get the sweatshirt on. And you get the sweatshirt at night.

I had everything in that fucking car. I had music, I had rolling papers, I had radiator cleaner, I had basketball. I had a fucking football in that car. That car became. At your house, yeah. That was my house. Yeah.

And going to places and going, this is crazy. Driving home, like I had, I had, I have an older daughter. Yeah. In those days I used to get around Sundays and I would finish in Boise, Idaho at midnight. Just haul ass. Get in my car and drive. 10 hours straight and like pull over to take a nap.

And you ever do that pull over to take a nap when you turn the lights off and you leave the car running and you wake up and you think like you fell asleep. You don't know what fucking fear is. Yeah. You know, and you think all those times and wow. Wow. But all that matters is, you know, even nowadays people,

you know, it's such an easy job. It's like the other 23 hours kind of suck. The hour you're on stage is why you do comedy. That's the best part. And so even when you're sleeping in a car, it's like you get off after that 15 minutes when you're starting off for 10 minutes a host and you're like, that was fucking great.

It's just so euphoric. It's that, that to me was like the best drug. So I never got into drugs, never got, you know, I drank, I drank whiskey, you know, that's my thing. But I was always like, nothing will top that. That's the best. And you worked at Caroline's for how long? I worked there for about a year

and then I ended up getting fired because I was roommates with this girl who one of the managers was trying to bang and he was jealous and he just said, you're done here. And I'm like, what are you talking about? He said, get the fuck out. And so I got fired basically because this guy wanted to bang my roommate.

But for me it was a blessing because then I went even harder in on standup and I worked at a Greek restaurant on 72nd in Columbus called the AG and until like maybe six more months. And then I just, I was emceeing and making a living doing standup. So it took about like a few months

but I was knee deep in it and I just loved it. I tell people all the time, when you get into comedy I want you to think about it. I really want you to think about it because as a hobby, yeah, you could be a hobbyist and go to your open mic and do it twice a week. But once like it took me four years to decide that I was going for it.

Like three years of dicking around and having day jobs and telling people I was a standup and really jerking myself off. And going to New York, I went back to New York and I did it for about nine months and I saw that fucking circus. And now I compared that circus to where I was at in Denver which made it seem, in Denver I could do 15 spots a month.

I didn't live in that circus. In New York I could do 90 spots a month but that wasn't a fucking circus. I had to have a day job, I drove a limo, I didn't fucking like that shit. So I went back to Colorado, I simplified it and that's why I developed it. You know, once you started, I used to go to Wyoming,

Riverton, Wyoming, you know, the other one, some of the best Chinese food wasn't fucking the place in Wyoming on Friday, shrimp and lobster sauce, holy shit. And you drive up and it'd be all New Yorkers like lost New Yorkers. In Wyoming? In Wyoming.

What would they do out there to retire? Whatever they did for a lot of love. But this place cooked New York style Chinese food on Fridays and they probably had like 12 tables and you'd have to go at like 11 and it'd be a line off the door. And it was all New Yorkers, you know, New Yorkers and they'd thank God for this fucking place.

They didn't have an egg roll, they had like shrimp and garlic sauce, had nice pork fried rice. But I drive from Boulder to, I can't remember what part of Wyoming it was, it was like an hour 10, it wasn't. But that's what, I mean, you gotta love what you're doing when you drive 10 or 12 hours. I mean, nobody does that on a whim

or just say, I kinda like it. No, you love stand up when you're driving. I remember I took gigs, I look back at it and I'm like, what a fucking moron. But I left New York City, I rented a car and actually my dad rented the car for me because I wasn't old enough, he had to be 25. Rented the car for me, I drove like 10 or 12 hours

to Johnson City, Tennessee to go and emcee for the weekend and drive the car back up, literally to do 10 minutes Friday, 10 minutes Saturday and then go back up because I was like, well, this is how I get stage time that's how I do it. And you lost money on the road. I lost money on it, but I didn't give a fuck. But you didn't give a fuck.

I was like, this is the best, I'm on the road. I wasn't on the road. Do you know what there's people that would think you and I are crazy? Like when you tell them that story, they're like, what? You did what? Listen, my uncle runs that print shop over on Fifth Street, go see him, you're a little fucking confused, okay?

Go see him. It's union, you get benefits. Yeah. After 30 days, you get insurance, it's nice. You gotta drive a car to fucking, to Johnson City, fucking to lose money, but I drove, I rented a car from National Rent-A-Car, I don't forget it, and fucking drove 16 hours to Phoenix

to showcase for knuckleheads. Wow, just to get in the loop, right? Just to get in the loop, slept in the car. When you get there, the guy's like, where you staying in my car? No, no, no, no. We have a hotel, everything worked out. You know, they bought breakfast.

I got back in, drove 16 hours. They gave me a week in Minneapolis as an emcee and a week in Phoenix, and I got a call, like a month later, the clubs were not a business. But. But you did it. But sometimes when I go pick up a check, like sometimes when I work on a movie,

and we catch them sleeping, and you go pick up your check, and it's a lot bigger than what you thought. You think of that time. That's what it takes. To justify it. This is for that time, I didn't have money. I didn't send child support, so I could rent a car for $150.

As an investment, I lost money, but I got it back 10 years. It's this fucking check I just got. Because what I do, I went there, did two lines, and I sat on the table, and they fucking craft, whatever the fuck all day. That's how I look at it sometimes. I'm like, ooh, and I actually think of the job.

Like New Year's for Sarah and I, fucking 12 shows for 600 bucks. New Year's, it's $50 a show. I did that, and I paid $400 for the plane ticket. So I ended up losing, I ended up making $200 fucking dollars. But I worked New Year's, and I did six shows, or 12 shows, and you get your craft going. So a lot of people just don't understand

that type of investment. Yeah, it's not only an investment, but it's also, you're happy. Like, they might have the security, but you're in a cubicle, you're fucking miserable, you go back, you kick the cat, you yell at the kids. I, every day, I'm like, this is fucking awesome. I tell jokes for a living, and I come home, I have a house.

It's like, I don't know, to me, there's days where I sit in my backyard, I'm like, I can't believe this is all, this is fucking amazing. You know, one of the worst things in life as a man or a woman of being young is when you make a discovery. When you fucking just think of something, go wow, you know? And it's the feeling when you wanted to stand up,

and I shouldn't say stand up, when you wanna play the guitar. I'd say you wake up tomorrow and you wanna be a fucking magician. And once you're doing your little magic trick at the Kenyon Club on Friday nights at seven for kids, and we're just looking at it as a goofy way, whatever. I'm not paying to make fun of anybody,

I'm just saying that, fuck, it becomes so hard to have a day job. Yeah. Because it puts everything into perspective. Like, once your life gets put into perspective, it's the scariest thing in the world, because it becomes a do or die situation. Yeah.

Like, I would have people call me and go, hey man, we're gonna pay you a thousand bucks a week, come down here, wash cars, drive to people around, and I go, I don't think so. Yeah. Why not? Because I gotta work till eight. The open mic at Rosie's is at 7.30 sign up.

Like, I wouldn't take a job because of a half hour overlapping. But in the back of my mind, I didn't take a job because I wanted to be a stand up. I wanted to see what it fucking became. I wanted to see what you had to do. I thought if I kept a job, that would be the fucking easy way.

I'd literally go fucking keep a job. I like walking without a net. That's what gets me fucking alive sometime. And I turned down, oh my God, so much. Like, after I decided to become a comic, that's where all those jobs started coming in. Yeah. That I wanted.

Like, some place offered me a service manager, like starting a 40 plus commission. And you know, you can make 80,000 after bonuses and I've been going, can I still do commie though? Right, right, yeah. Had to work two Saturdays a month. It was a long month. I was like, you know, all these jobs I wanted.

And that's how fate works. Now that I found what I really love and what I really want to fucking do, now all the fucking jobs that I really was looking for started coming to test my commitment. And I was like, fuck it, I'll live in a car. Yeah. I'll live in a car.

I'll give up my apartment. I'll have a pager. I gave up everything. Yeah. I gave up TV. When I first met Rogan and they were like, he's on news radio. All right, what channels are on AM or FM?

And they're like, no, it's a fucking TV show. That's what the commitment level is. I didn't know what a wedding was. Yeah. Your friend. That's the reason why I became a comic. So I wouldn't have to go to fucking weddings on Saturday. Now, whether you have a wedding or they have that data,

no, I'm not coming to your wedding. I'm gonna send you an envelope. Yeah, I'll put 200, 300 in there. But, you know, that's a comic. When comics call me now and they go, things aren't going right for me. All right, what are you doing this weekend? Well, my mother's coming to town.

Your mother shouldn't be coming to town, Jack. Yeah. Tell her you eat breakfast with her one day, but we do comedy here. Yeah. We do comedy. Everybody wants to fucking die. Everybody wants to go to heaven,

but nobody wants to die. I died. Yeah. I put, you know, you died. You walked around New York City, drove a fucking car. But then we've seen the people that you said that come here, they go to Montreal, they get $600,000, they go to the comedy store,

they want to bump you. They say, fuck you. And then one day, you don't see him no more. Yeah, it's a marathon. You know, guys like us are in it for the long haul. You're doing it for the right reason because you love stand-up. And that's what I always thought.

I was like, you know what, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, doesn't matter at the end of the day. It's a body of work that you got to create and just be a fucking killer. That's it. That's what I try to do. Now, Salomon's son, how did that come up?

I was literally working my ass off on the road and I just thought, I'm just gonna bang out these specials, our specials, be a great road comic. I don't care. Moved to Chicago, left LA, never got auditions. Any audition, I was never Asian enough, never white. And I just, I'm in this weird, weird kind of... And your father's New York City Irish.

My dad's, yeah. Old school, Irish, the Bronx, those motherfuckers. Stuyvesant town, where he grew up. And yeah, he's Irish. Second generation? Yeah, second generation and my, you know, he... What a weird clan they are, you gotta love them. Most guys...

Second generation Irish from the city, you gotta love those savages, I love them. And they all served. So that's why he met my mother over in Korea. So he served, you know, Army, did that for a while. Just a guy that grew up alcoholic parents, did everything on his own, kind of grew up on his own in the city,

street smarts, older brothers, but they were like 10 years older than him. So he was never really close to them. So he kind of grew up on his own and put himself through college, Army. Just one of the smartest guys I've ever met. He watches Jeopardy, he just knows every question. He can fix anything.

He's like an old school, great American dad. Like when you think of a man, like an American man, like that's my dad, he's just the best. And, you know, just gave me everything, coached all my hockey teams, just a great dude. And yeah, so I, that's how they met. So I basically, I used to go hiking all the time up this one Canyon, Bronson Canyon with Vince Vaughn.

So I met him through, I met Ahmed and Ahmed, all those guys were all pals. So we used to go hiking all the time. And one day Vince just goes, you know, cause you're Korean and Irish, you have so limited opportunities, you should write something for yourself. And I was like, well, I never wrote anything.

And he's like, no, you can do it. I go, but I don't know. He goes, you can do it. That's literally the conversation. He just said, you can do it. I think you can, I believe you can do it. And I said, okay. So I bought all these books on television writing,

script writing, sitcoms, whatever. For like three or four months on the road, I would finish my gigs and I'd go to a diner or I'd go to about my room and just treat myself like I was in college. I'd just read. And then another three months, I wrote the script and I turned it into him.

He goes, what's this? This script, I wrote it. He goes, oh, I can't believe you fucking have this conversation with so many friends. They never do it. You actually did it. So a week later, he called me and he said, it is pretty good.

Let's get to work on this thing. So we did. And then within a year, we filmed the pilot, which is really quick. It doesn't happen that quick. It was what I found out afterwards in which I'm starting to learn now on my own. But I just took matters in my own hands.

I wrote it. I never thought I'd be able to write something. And it's so fucking great. This is how fucked up this town is. Hollywood is so fucked up, okay? I'll go on audition after audition. The very few I would get, nothing. I write a script.

Now I'm in charge, right? With the other EPs. And I'm sitting there auditioning people and they're like, what do you think? I'm like, what do, here's what I think. You don't even know if I can do this. I wrote it, but I haven't been in front of a camera yet. And now I'm judging people saying,

oh, he's good enough or she, I don't know what's good. I don't know what's bad. Cause I just wrote the thing. And I know if you put me in front of a camera right now, you wouldn't cast me in my own show because I've never been cast in anything. And then all of a sudden you're there on Warner Brothers

and everything's the focal point of, you're the focal point of everything because you're the star. And I was nervous as all, I couldn't, I went to Warner Brothers. If you put up one of those cameras like a Blair Witch or like one of those, what are those scary paranormal activity, you just put it there.

I was there Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We taped on a Sunday, I believe. I was there Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And you could just see me go through my blocking and doing my lines over and over again. I would have looked like a crazy animal just doing this weird pattern and everything. Cause I was just like, I'm not going to fuck this up.

I got to, I got to nail this. So it was scary, really fucking scary. No one damned where your Christine ever saw Ryan Dole Murray, Jody Long, who was Margaret Cho's mom on all American, it's like, I'm not holding anybody up. I got to fucking hit my mark. So it took it all very seriously, but that's kind of how it happened.

It's just a conversation from one of my best pals who said, I believe in you, I think you can do this. You should give it a shot. And now three years, I worked on a show, I wrote a show, I produced a show, I starred in it. Now I'm writing three other shows and I just wrote a feature. And so, you know, all it takes is sometimes somebody pointing you in another direction going,

you're fantastic at this, but maybe develop one of your other traits that come with being a comic. You know, you should think about writing something for yourself. And here I am now, it's kind of crazy that he believed in me. Now with Sullivan and Son autobiographical, did your parents have a bar together?

No, they didn't have a bar together, but you know, essentially the foundation of the show was pretty much what I was going throughout my life, in my life at the time where, living out of a suitcase, 50 weeks a year, I didn't stop, I just ran the road, nonstop. And I was like, professionally, I'm doing great. Did the Tonight Show 10 times, late night talk shows,

hour longs, great. Money, saving it. Personally, I was a mess. I was never around my friends, never saw my family, didn't have a girl, it was just the worst. So I wrote a show about a guy who gives up the professional aspirations he had in New York City to go home to be with his friends and family in Pittsburgh.

Cause I didn't have a home. Holiday Inn was my home, the Marriott was my home, a Hyatt was my home. So I was just daydreaming. What would I love to do? I love to go back to Pittsburgh, be with my mom and dad, be with my brother who I made a sister on the show, be around all my pallies and just create a universe

where it was like daydreaming. This is the best case scenario for me. And every guy wants a bar. I think every guy wants to put a bar in his man cave or in his basement. I thought that's what I'll do. So that's kind of the genesis of Sullivan and something. That's how it happened.

That's brilliant. Yeah. And so Steve Sullivan got what he wanted. He got personally to be happy. And it's so funny cause when I did the pilot, I got married just before, just as I was writing it. And my daughter was born the day of our table read. So I was at five in the morning, I was at the hospital

and then at eight in the morning, I'm at the table read and she had just been born prior too. So Christina Eversal was like, this is a good sign for the show. And it was, we got three great years out of it. Well, I'm not gonna be fucking ashamed. Yeah. No, no, no, absolutely. That's the real deal.

I loved every second of it. Every day was a blessing. And I tried to get you on. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Dom Irer, he got put through the ringer. He almost did it. He couldn't do it at the last minute.

But you know, everybody. Julia, Leslie Jones, Julie, yeah. Julie was casting it. It was, it was the best. We had so many friends, Gardell, who I used to tour with for years. We toured, we did this Jameson whiskey tour for two years. We lived out of our suitcases

and just kind of trying to sell the Jameson name. But we went across the country back and forth twice. And there's a guy now, he's on Mike and Molly. And so it was kind of cool to literally be on one stage, he's on the other. We'd go over, we'd see each other say, hey, and we're like, fuck man. Four years ago, we were living out of our suitcases,

shucking Jameson. And here we are now in Warner Brothers. It was, it was great. This is part of the dream, especially this comic dream, because what I liked about it, listen, I'm not heated. Once I was going to college and I went to prison, I came out and I really, really tried, Steve Byrne.

I really tried to, cause that's what I always wanted. It was like you, I just wanted to be a normal person, my normal job and have the weekends off. I tell you, I did it. Yeah, I had a roofing, I was a roofing estimator and I liked it and I liked the contact. I liked getting in the truck in the morning and, but then I had a problem.

This is it. Yeah. This is it guys. This is it till I'm 65. Yeah. I'm 30 years old. So in 35 years, Joey was a great estimator or he was a great roofer or he had a great roofing company.

I got a watch and I got a bad back and that's it. And that's a great American fucking dream. It was a great dream for me at the time. Coming where I was coming from, but there was something missing. There was just something missing. You know, I think the more I like, I hear you talk, I'm like, you know, I'm receiving it

and I'm thinking, you know, you always personalize things. I think it's love. Love is what it is ultimately because when you see that girl, you're gonna marry. Most, you know, there's a lot of guys, gals, they go, the minute I saw her, I knew it. She's the one. I love that girl.

I don't even know how. I don't know why I love her. I want to be with her. That's who I'm spending my life with. People say that all the time. I think the same thing would stand up. Or anything that you love doing, your profession, you just, something clicks and you go, I love that.

I'm doing that. I don't give a shit. I'm in love with, I'm in love with, you know, when I was in New York City, I was in love with comedy. Comedy was more, I love comedy more than girls. You know, I would go out, I try to meet girls after the show, but it's like, yeah, I can't meet you for dinner

because I got five shows tonight. You can meet me at two in the morning. Definitely if you're still out, absolutely. But till then, I'm seven days a week, 365 days a year for seven years in New York City. I work Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve. I didn't give a shit because I loved stand up.

And I still do. So I think love is what's the minute it clicks for you. You go, I love that. That's amazing how my love has changed for stand up. Yeah. Like from 2001 to 2004 or five, it was the love to get better. To figure this out, to figure this puzzle out.

Right. And then I didn't like it for a while. It became the business part. I gotta argue for how much money I'm gonna make, radio, then you have the business part of it. And I didn't like it. The great Eddie Griffin used to say, we got into comedy so we wouldn't have a day job.

Yeah. But unfortunately, that's part of it. So I just, and then I didn't like it for a while. And then I almost got out. I was just gonna do sets around town and, you know, whatever, just go up there and fuck around. Then this podcast thing started and now you go out. And it's weird because the connection we have now

during the week, we go out to towns and then those people, they'll go, hey man, let's do a Steve Byrne episode. And it becomes one. Yeah. It's really nice to meet these people. So it makes me work harder. Right, it makes me be on top of my game.

So the love has changed, which I don't know if it happens to the woman. Yeah, it does because I love my wife now more that she has the baby. Yeah. Yeah, I love her more now. Now we're connected. There's something a little tighter than just dating

and just fucking and just being married. Now we're real. It's been solidified, you know? So I think that, yeah, you're right. The love does grow. I love it. Yeah. I absolutely love every second of it.

But I agree with you, the love does change. There's ebbs and flows. I almost, it's funny when you talk, I almost quit stand-up. Maybe going into my third season of Sullivan and Son, you know, here we are. We're on TBS, we're a summer show. We don't get the accolades.

We don't get the write-ups. I never got invited on a late night talk show to talk about the show. I, my manager left comedy. I basically had no manager. I had just filmed a third hour special and I tried to meet with a lot of management agents. Nobody would even take a meeting with me.

And here I am, producing and starring in my own television show, got an hour. Nobody will meet with me. I can't get on anything other than what I'm doing. And I came to a point where I was so bent up and banged up. I'm like, why am I given all this love and investment in a stand-up comedy? And it seems like nobody gives a shit.

So fuck it. Maybe I'm just done with it. I talked to my wife and I stopped going to the store for a little bit. I would just go on the road to make the money to pay the rent. And then I just, I don't know. There was something that just clicked.

And I wrote a joke and I said, that's why I do it. Cause I wrote this joke called about being a champion. And I wrote it literally just before I filmed the special. And I was like, that's the best joke I ever wrote in my life. And that's why I got into stand-up in the first place. And so fuck it. If people like it, they like it. If they don't, they don't.

I don't give a shit. I'm happy. I'm happy doing this. And so write your ass off. And so I finished the special, done. And then I'm starting to write this fourth one now. I'm in the middle of it. But that to me was like a pivotal moment

where for some reason just almost like sometimes people go, I don't know how I wrote this song. It just came like that joke just kind of came to me. And maybe that's somebody upstairs, tapped me on the shoulder going, don't get too down. You know, you, you know, you love it. It's still there for you. Have fun with it.

And it reinvigorated my passion for it. You know what I do when I'm feeling weird about it? Yeah. I go to the store. An hour early and I sit in the back. I shut my mouth and I'm sitting next to nobody. I try to hide and I watch it. And once I start laughing again, that's it.

Yeah. That's it. I should do that. That's a good. I gotta fucking get up there. I come up to you like two more than you. And you're like, you motherfucker. I'm sitting back here.

Now. Like a fucking egg. Yeah. What's up? Lee, you came out of your little coma over that cut second? No, I'm good. It's last week, Steve, we talked about it.

I had a big tax bill. And I got like 60, 70 emails this week. And it's amazing how people love other stuff. Like this guy wrote me, he was a big executive for Nike. And he quit. He lives in Dallas and he's opening an exotic pet resort with his friend. He's making like $50,000 less a year, but he loves it.

And it was crazy to get those emails. There's a lot of people going through it. And it was, it was cool to hear that from people. You know, society puts you in a bind. Life puts you in a bind sometimes. Yeah. You know, people that you would go to some place and after you do your business,

you go, boy, that person hates their job. Oh, oh, every, anywhere. Go anywhere. People fucking hate it. I hate their job. Can I use your bathroom? Go ahead, go ahead. Before we talk.

Little, little, little Tony Bennett, while my main man goes take a little wee wee there. I've been drinking like a gallon of water a day now because my wife's getting me on it. And I'm like, fuck, this is, I got a piss all the time. Bro, I do. I go through this shit at night. Where's the Tony Bennett cocksucker?

It's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there, grab your cat. Oh, fuck. You see, I got to deal with stuff from the beginning, please. What happened there, Lee? I was trying to change cameras, sorry. Bye. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody

breaks your heart. Nothing's a matter. Why are you sitting there? I got to move my leg. Because I probably had like 300 milligrams. Oh, you did. Yes, I did. I gave you 100.

I gave you 100 fucking milligrams. You know what I gave you? Cocksucker. Oh, yeah, cocksuckers. Love's company. It's Monday. Wait and see. What's up, Lisa?

You little fucking rap bastard. Nothing, I'm feeling good. You sure? I know you're feeling good. Like 2,000 milligrams of these edibles. I know. That's what I said. You feel fucking tremendous here.

Well, sorry about that. That was just, I was getting to a breaking point. I was like, oh, some bad's going to happen. Some bad's going to happen. Sometimes you just got to fucking pee, man. Hey, man. I got to pee all the last night. I got up only once.

Usually I go out and I drink water. You going to come? You still grab a water? You going to laugh at it? You grab a water? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go home and you want to unwind and maybe make some notes. So what do you do?

You make a decaf. You don't know how many ounces that is, but you got about fucking 48 ounces floating in your fucking piss hole in your piss hose. And the next thing you know, you got to bed. You're sleeping tight. For me, I got to take a sleep out of your mask off. You don't know how many ounces it is.

You don't know how many fucking ounces it is. You don't. When you add it all up, you're like, oh my God. These things, how many of these things? 16. 16, yeah. So it's 32 plus the fucking eight ounce coffee. That's 40.

You got 40 and you're kidding me. And whatever your pee calculator only breaks it out in five ounce pisses. So that means you got to pee fucking eight times in fucking six hours. So nobody sleeps. So that's what happens. You can get, start looking forward to getting older.

Once you hit like 44, your eyesight just goes to the point where you can't see a dollar bill. When you get on stage, it's dark. You can't fucking see. You go from that light. All of a sudden you're looking for the stairs. You're like that old guy on the fucking escalator. It's a fucking nightmare.

And then you got to pee. You got to pee all the time? You got to pee. And once, and you always got to pee as soon as you got on the one-on-one in this traffic, then you got to pee. And I will pee anyway. I pee today.

I peed some way today with the baby. She was on the swing and I just went over and took my little peanut out by the fucking garbage can. I was making believe I was looking at a water or something and I just peed. I got to fucking pee, man. For breakfast, you drink water. I drink water with the fucking pills and the breakfast.

So to fucking leave everything all right. You got to get a little picnic shirt on. Look at you. Yeah. What was last week? What's that? What was the shirt I was wearing last week? Oh, whatever.

The Shirk Knight T-shirt. Yeah, one of those Shirk Knight T-shirts, the V-cut with the T-shirt underneath. That's a sharp T-shirt. That's a fucking great out. Beatles. Yeah. Love them.

It's amazing. Nobody talks about the Beatles. Yes, I was into the Beatles and I had to drive slow and get my composure. I didn't grow up a Beatles fan. It was pounded in. I grew up in a Beatles neighborhood. Yeah.

And they were all waiting for the fucking comeback. Yeah. When I shot, it was the saddest and happiest day of my life because I shut those motherfuckers up. It's over. No more comeback. Move on with your life. Put on legs up and they cover this fray.

It was amazing. Beatles fans will wait. Man, they're gonna make a comeback. I heard it. I remember I was a kid in that fucking, you know, when he got shot in 79 or 80. 80, yeah. 80, he got shot.

I was already fucking 70. You know another piece? Not even a little bit. I'll give it a little edible for the leader, flying Jew. Just to calm him down. No, but that's how good the Beatles are. That's, I think it's how bad music sucks today. Music sucks so bad.

You have classic rock stations. You have stations that play oldies because there isn't good enough shit. I don't know. I just like music today. Was it the Beatles that, like, I heard on the radio or something that they outsold like, like six or seven major artists now, like Beyonce, Jay-Z. Like they did the math and the Beatles sold more than like six or seven major people.

Yeah. Was that them? I don't know if that's a major effect. It was a different game. There was no downloads. There was no videos. Right. It was straight up gangster.

Either you bought the fucking album or you didn't. How many albums did you sell, Steve Byrd? How many did you sell? Oh my God. 18 downloads and 16 solid albums and 72 CDs. No. How many fucking albums did you sell? All right.

Just give me the fucking bottom line. Nobody had eight tracks. Albums, you fuck. See, now they rob you because now you did 13 downloads and you sold eight hard copies and 16 downloads internationally, which means they tax you $1 to the Chinese. They don't fuck around. They grab you right in the air.

You know what I'm saying? Just like a psycho. I mean, there was so many. Now, I think, yeah, the Beatles probably fucking killed it. Yeah. You know, the beat, what, the young gentlemen, they have to have like a nut, like they had roots when I was a young kid. Like just when you were starting, like, I don't know about black people.

They put roots on TV. You were like, okay, I get it. They're all right. They ain't that bad. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But now they have to do the same for Beatles because the last four generations really have no idea what happened.

Really have no idea about that shirt. Can you straighten up for a second, Lee? Okay. So this was supposed to be Paul McCartney. Lee. What? I'm on it. I'm supposed to be Paul McCartney's funeral.

Watch your hands, Steve Byrne. See how that's supposed to be Paul McCartney's funeral? You see the P under the Beatles? That P was for Paul McCartney. They said that was a double in this T-shirt on his album cover. So nobody really knew if Paul was dead. Yeah. They were playing a trick on America, like this Kim Kardashian shit.

That wouldn't fly back then. Yeah. This was all they were, you know, when they walked across Abbey Road, he was barefoot. Yeah. There's so many things that they were throwing to fuck with people. Nobody had ever fucked with people before. Yeah. That was the Beatles.

And that's why, and all of a sudden you put on like rubber sole and you're like, you know what, I've never done drugs, but I'm thinking about it. I feel like I just did it. Yeah. Rubber sole. You're like, I don't know, man. But they did this album because they didn't want to tour anymore. So they said, fuck, we're just, and they got experimental.

They did. And it was, it was inspired by Brian Wilson's Pet Sounds because they heard what he was doing. They're like, fuck, we got a, you know, so that's like, that's like what we were talking about earlier. You know, you can let other people get in your head or whatever. They listen to Brian Wilson. They go, okay, holy shit, look what this guy's doing.

So you use the fuel for fire where you sit there and you bitch and moan about the guy what he's doing. So they sit, they used it to inspire them. And then they, they create one of the greatest rock and roll records ever. One thing about the Beatles that has always, that's taught me a lot about life, taught me about careers in life is that I don't know how many albums they put out. I don't know what the number is, 16, I don't know what the fuck it is, but you saw the evolution.

You saw the evolution with Led Zeppelin, you know, as a comic, you want the same. You know, I listened to my last CD two days ago. It was fucking terrible. That is the worst CD of all time. He didn't post it with asthma. It's just horrifically bad. You know, and you, and I'm sure all comics listen to their second CD and go, how do I find the way to get all of them back?

Yeah. Like, how do I get them all back? Like, I don't ever want this CD out because we evolved. I'm sure that if you go to Paul McCartney and go, tell me the truth about Sergeant Papas, I fucking hate the third song. You're like, what? Yeah. You know, so that's what I liked about the Beatles that, and it answers the question

Lee, I have no matter what people, the Beatles, listen, the Beatles were around when people were throwing heat. They went up against the stones, the doors, Janice Joplin, you know, the tail end was Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix. I mean, guys, there's a different market for music. You had a fucking come out. You listen to an album from 1971 and you buy an album today and go, okay, that's, you're a nice guy, Steve Brown.

You're not going to criticize nobody. You're a sweetheart. Yeah. How many good songs on album? And you're like, seriously? One. How about that Led Zeppelin album? How many on that?

And you look me in the face and go, you know what, out of the eight songs, five of those motherfuckers are killers. Yeah. That was the level of competition. The who? Yeah. All those guys over there. I'm not even talking about here.

Those guys were over there. Just the brick band. That bland Eric fucking clapped with the Yardbirds. You know what, what if Paul McCartney ran and go, guys, you better listen to the new Yardbird album. We're done. No, they're going to do what they're going to do. And guess what?

They're going to do it. You're going to do it. When you're making your thing, are you going, no, I'm going to take down Steve Brown with the sound? No. Yeah. You're being the best Joey Diaz you could be. Yeah.

You're not thinking about Steve Brown, but if you make your work, it's the people that go after people. Wow. I'm going to show that motherfucker. You didn't show me dick. Yeah. Because you were too worried about me. You were worried about your fucking self.

So I credit that is the perfect answer to your question. Lee, these guys were going up against killers. You know, that manager was problem. Well, Pete Best, that was a manager's name. No, no, that was the job they replaced. Oh, God. Well, his manager, their manager died. I think maybe like three or four years in.

God, I forget his name. It's a Brian Epstein. So you're a big, you're a big, big beetle guy. Yeah. Love the Beatles. I love music in general. Everything. Can I ask you a question?

Whenever you see Yoko, do you go, God damn it. Fuck you bitch. You ruined it all. You ruined it all. You kiss a dad with that fucking kid that can't hold a tune either. That kid is the worst. They should just shoot that fucking kid. I haven't listened to his stuff.

You don't. Yeah. Or her stuff. It's as bad as her stuff. Hers is pretty brutal. Yeah. Oh my God. And people go to like her things.

Like she has art exhibits still. Yeah. She throws like Chinese food on the wall. People are like, oh my God, that egg roll. And she has like her. Well, now I sing song for you. You got to sit there and put up through this fucking misery listening. Let me clean your house and work for this small 200.

Well, I will say, I thought the cool, the cool thing. And by the way, when you go to like La Jolla, you know that, uh, I forget what that, that street is. It's like Garnett Street. When you come up, there's that big mural of John Lennon. And I always saw it. I thought that's the fucking coolest thing because there's a black and white John Lennon. And there's, they put the ladder up there and they wrote yes.

And I know the story, the story of why he fell in love with her or why he thought she was amazing is that he went to one of her art exhibits and there was a ladder that went all the way up to the ceiling and from the ceiling was a magnifying glass and you take the magnifying glass and you hold it up and there was something very small written. And it was just, it just said yes. And he thought, wow, that's really nice that with all the art shows that he's been going to, people were negative and angry. And here's somebody that just wrote something very positive and it was very simple.

And he thought, this is a positive person. I want to be around this, this woman. And that's, that's how he fell in love with her. And I thought that was kind of a cool story. But other than that, I think she's got awful. I agree with her. Fuck about yes. Okay.

You make me go up a ladder and say, yes, I'm going to kick you in the fucking head. Okay. I can fall off. I got to sue somebody. I had to turn in around. Fuck you in the ladder. Fuck you, your co owner. You cock sucker.

I'm going to go up a fucking ladder. John Lennon really. One thing about John, he tortured all his women. That's why they fucking, he tortured her too. Yeah. He used to kick her around and shit, which, you know, I think, you know, even when the cops come after you beat your like, we got to go. We didn't see nothing.

She fell on the stairs. I don't know. You got a T-bone in the freezer? Last fucking cassette. Yeah. We would have kicked ourselves to it. Lee, what's happened? What are you doing the rest of the day today?

Where are you going? Nowhere now. I have to recover from this. You got to go to the gym. I will at some point. Are you going to wear your little blue shirt? No, not to the gym. You wear that blue shirt to the gym.

It's all over. They're going to fucking give you massages. There's people who do that at that gym. Oh, they do. Yeah. They're fucking crazy people. They wear shorts with that shirt. There's this crazy old guy who wears shorts with that shirt.

Oh yeah. And colored socks with sneakers on. I see somebody with colored socks on. That is the toughest day of my life. What color? Black. I wear black socks. At the gym?

Oh, no. Yeah, because you're Harvey Homo. That's why. I'm talking about fucking black socks with gym sneakers. Then you go to the gym. You can't do that. You can't do that. See, in my school, they send you home.

In case you step on glass, the ink goes into your foot. That's why. But just for fucking GP, I don't want you around with the fucking... There's this old Italian dude who wears like business like loafers and like pants. He looks like he came from the office every day, but he's like 90 just walks on the treadmill all day. I come every time I do a podcast in the daytime. This guy wants to become Johnny Construction.

If I come in the daytime to hang out, nothing. There's no fucking... There's no woodpecker. I come here to do a... Also, he's... Anyway, don't get me started. Dude. Let me give some shout-outs.

I'm going to close this motherfucker up and we'll ask you some couple of questions there. Let's get the week started right with Brandon Deroch. Burbank 818. Get well, cocksucker. Andre Atheist. Whatever your name is. Justin Delgado. Paul Lynch.

Vincent Espinosa. Leon Suarez. David Cormetal. And Death Squad Nashville and the rest of your fucking sandwiches out there. So let me ask you this. So you got these two scripts. Now, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. The description you gave me of Sullivan and the Son.

You're on to something. Yeah. You're on to something. So comedy could become a stepping stone for you because you have imagination that... I thought that Sullivan and the Son was actually autobiographical like your parents had a bar at some time in Cleveland. Where the fuck you from? Yeah, the relationships were definitely there. The relationships were absolutely on point.

My mom is my mom on the show. My dad is my dad on the show. Dan Lauria embodied my father. He's all American fucking dad. That is no... Like when my dad pulled in the driveway, he's one of those... If you got in trouble and you hear that car come in the driveway like, oh fuck, I'm going to get it. I'm scared of my dad.

I was scared of my dad when I was growing up. I love my dad. I look up to him. But he had a presence too where it's just like, if you fucked up, you're going to get it. So I think there's... Like that old school kind of American guy, I think he's kind of lost. Now it's like the dad's always a fucking idiot on all the commercials. Dad can't operate this.

Dad can't figure out the computer. It just wasn't my dad. My dad could do anything. And I'm trying to be that as well for my daughter and son, upcoming son, expecting son. Yeah, dad's supposed to do a lot. And then mom's supposed to be fucking superhero. The shit that a mom would do is just... I see it sometimes, especially now.

At this age, at the park and shit, when I take her, I see what moms go through. Mom's got a fucking rough goddamn job. Dad's got a rough goddamn job too. What do you think, Lee? Everybody's got a rough job. Everybody's got a rough job. You know what I'm saying? Look at the shape of this fucking guy.

He gave me like 300 milligrams. I gave you 75 milligrams. I'm going to give you a little fucking piece. This is a 6,000 milligram star. It was. It was. Show it to the camera now. It's halfway there.

We're going to eat the rest of it the first five days of April. This is April Fool's week. 6,000 milligrams. That's what happens to you. You wake up like Jim Morrison. You fucking die. You're puking the tub and shit like that. What's your next plan beside the three scripts and the movie script?

Just writing this. I'm on the road working on this fourth hour. So you go out every week? Every week, yeah. Because I look at it like you're training for a marathon. You've got to run every day. You've got to run a little bit. So I've got to get up at least three nights a week.

So you get that on the road. So do the hour, work on the hour, chisel the hour, and every hour. I agree with you. You look back to your last day like, ah, fuck that. It wasn't that good. So I just want to try to make each one better and better than the last one. Better than what you do. That's how you go about it.

I mean, that's the. Yeah, never really. Honestly, God, I never looked at. I looked at comics for being funnier and having good material. Yeah. But I never got jealous of a comic doing better at me because I knew it had nothing to do. Yeah. With me.

I always was. If I saw some, I go, oh, fuck. I'm going to have to go home and write a little more now. You know, I'm going to have to go home, especially when you're at the store. And you see people who write every day and they bring different ideas every day. And like I said, it's never made me jealous. If anything. Inspired.

It's inspired me. Yeah. Yeah. Like I see Sebastian now, he, he and I kind of came to the store around the same time. The guy selling out theaters, you know, he's popping up all over the place. He's got a big following. He's on a tonight show with Fallon. And I'm like, fuck, I remember when he was questioning things.

And now here he is. He's killing it. And I watch him on stage and Mike, his voice is so defined. He knows exactly how to make whatever it is he wants to talk about funny because he knows how to construct it coming out of his mouth. He just knows his voice so clear. And I see that I'm like, fuck, I got to get to that. And it's like, you know, you're always going to doubt yourself sometimes.

But I'm like, I got to work a little harder now because I see, I see what it takes to to pack in a theater and Sebastian's doing it. So, you know, there's always guys that are going to come up that will provide that impetus for you. And Sebastian for me is, is one of those guys. Burr was it for a few years, but I mean, Burr is killing it now. That's Sebastian. With me, it's different because I saw Sebastian come in as a young kid that didn't say two

fucking words. It was very polite. Yeah. He spoke under his breath. What the fuck? Yeah. Come on. Oh, I want to know if you're going to go up next.

Yeah, I'm going to fucking next. Come on. And I remember still going to audition with him and pulling them in. He was talking to a bunch of guys that weren't going to do shit to him in a group. I pulled them in. Come on. And we booked it. It was politically incorrect mob week.

Oh, wow. And we booked like a thing with Bill Maher. Yeah. We couldn't touch him. Don't make eye contact. Don't shake his hand. Absolutely. And I see Sebastian now.

He's this fucking animal. Yeah. When you're an animal, you know, you got the TV shows and all these young guys, you know, I met Ahmed is the love of my life. He's a great guy. Absolutely. I shot Marin with him and I hadn't been back to the store in six and a half years and I walked in with him and at one point we were shooting and we were giggling.

We were talking to Mark and Mark went away and I looked over and I met. I go, I met. Do you think, did you ever thought 12 or 13 years ago we were starving outside the, the union when it was now God knows what the fuck it is. It's, it's. Yeah. Or something. Yeah.

Union was down from pink. Yeah. Not the one that's the den. No, no, no, no. Where they saw those little fucking hats over by pink taco across the street up more from the, because the union ended up becoming where they cook became a start. That's that spot on the corner there. What's the fucking other factory?

No, no, no. Before the Irish name, right? Yeah. Oh, Dublin's Dublin's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So the union, the county from the union when it was, it was, I met Ahmed and J Davis. Oh, this is before. Yeah. I know. I met Ahmed and the girl that your buddy used to date, the half black girl that was hot. That's how she got started in comedy when I met Ahmed. Yeah. Who, who told you to write the script?

Vince Vaughan. Yeah. It was Vince Vaughan's exes from when he was starving. I think she's still around. I don't know. Black girl went to work for an agent, but she got the idea because I remember that's when the movie came out. Swingers.

Swingers. Yeah. So the lore was that they were going to be down there one night. Oh, yeah. You follow me? Yeah. So every girl in town showed up. Vince Vaughan was there.

He left out the back door. Yeah. But the lore still became. I remember sitting with Ahmed, Ahmed and having Nick DePaulo and fucking at the time, you know, this is 97. Yeah. Having Nick DePaulo and Paulie Shugon. Hey, we want to come to your club.

We hear there's a ton of bitches there. Yeah. Because they were all waiting for fucking. For Vince Vaughan to come back. So the place became this hot Tuesday night spot. Yeah. And thank God, the goodness of my heart. It used to be the first three comics.

Every week was me, Mike Young and Josh Wolf. I met Ahmed, took care of us. Yeah. Three weeks. He'd say, listen, I got an agent here now. I got fucking, you know, every hitter was in there at the time. I forget who they were. Yeah.

But I'll always give you guys a spot. But that's Ahmed. That's Ahmed. That's why I wrote him in the show. I wrote Ahmed in the show because I was like, I would never even be writing a show. If it wasn't for Ahmed, I wouldn't be on Warner Brothers if it wasn't for Ahmed. Because Ahmed got me kind of in the comic store. He's the one that brought me in there and kept talking to Tommy.

And he's also the one that introduced me to Vince and brought me around. And we all started hanging out. So, you know, Ahmed's one of those guys. It's like, you know, you're my guy. If I do anything, I got to have you a part of it. I met Ahmed. It's a weird story. Me and Ahmed were tight at the union those years where you're struggling and he would

always call me and say, hey, we'll get you 20 bucks on top of the pink taco. They used to do comedy there, too. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. That way before the karaoke. Yeah. No, this is when it was like a black club up there. They did comedy up there.

I met Ahmed. I also booked that for like 15 bucks Tuesday at midnight. And then something happened. You know, in those beginning stages of comedy, Ahmed took it somewhere else. Something happened between him and I. Like, it wasn't like an argument or nothing. I had heard he wouldn't book me in something. And I got my feelings hurt.

Yeah. So I started breaking his balls on stage at the store. Yeah. I would go up and go, who the fuck you think you're dealing with? I met Ahmed. And one Sunday that I was walking out, Ahmed came up to me like a man. Unlike everybody else who walks around in Hollywood. Yeah.

And he goes, do you have a problem with me? I heard your goofing about me on stage. And I go, it's a funny joke though. Yeah. And we both started laughing. And I go, Ahmed, I thought you brushed me off. How can you do that to me? I'm your friend.

He goes, it wasn't me. It was a guy that didn't want a bunch of dirty comics in there. Yeah. So I never called this guy. I didn't call this guy either or this guy. So it wasn't personal. Yeah. And ever since then, I'll give blood for Ahmed, Ahmed.

I don't wear needles because everybody else, you know, in this town goes around things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came up to me and it's coked up and crazy as I was. And he called my shit. Yeah. So they were brothers. I see Ahmed and I want to kiss him because, you know, you're going to find eight people in LA that have that type of.

It's got a great heart. And they have a heart. They tell you when they put their hand down. So when I did Marron with them, like I said, we were at the craft service. One minute I looked them and go, did you ever think that we'd still be here? Yeah. It was 13 fucking years later at the company store doing a TV show. You know, so it's just, uh, it's great to see you guys doing your thing.

Like I said, I was a lot older than you. I was with Lee the day I got the call to come into your show. And I never cared about booking anything. I always like when people call, when people think of you, that means the world to me. Yeah. And that meant the world to me that day. I always thought you were mad at me from that night when I attacked, uh, the old manager at the store.

I got mad at them because I didn't like how they treated Joe. And I could kill us about that. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? So when they call them, they said, you have an audition, you have no idea. My heart almost blew up because for people to think of you. And I made them know it. I remember telling that the father from the show various times.

I'm like, he's doing a great thing by fucking bringing everybody in, you know, oh, and Benjamin, another sweetheart. Yeah. Uh, the black dude kills me. Roy Williams fucking shows me. So it's just a lot of guys like you don't come along, man. That take care of their own. Well, I hope to get another one on and I'll try to get everybody on again.

I'll do, I'll do my best cause it's, you know, after the lesson you learn with this one, you want to do it again. Yeah. You have, I mean, you have been phenomenal. I mean, 90% of people that show got canceled would have a story would have. I remember being hit 12 years ago and I didn't even know who this person was. I didn't even know who this person was. I was the end problem.

They came up to me like, amen. Uh, somebody's here from some big time show on ABC. Yeah. I'm a comic. I don't know about fucking TV. Yeah. And I didn't know who it was. I guess they canceled his show.

It was a comic at the time. I don't know. I don't remember. They canceled the show. And for a spot, he went up on stage and he goes, you know what? Fuck NBC. Fuck them. They're punk.

And he was black. They punk ass white bitches. They can't give me an answer. They won't re-pick up my show. I forget what the fuck it was. I saw you that night. I did not know. I saw you excited for you to be shooting your fourth season.

Yeah. And you're like, I got canceled. And then when I got in the car, I felt like that guy that asked the chubby chick if she's pregnant, but she's really not. It was like a chubby chick. And you're like, how many months along are you? And she's like, I'm not pregnant. Oh, my son got in my eyes.

Your attitude is great. Yeah. Because one show is not going to define me. You know, my body work, like I said, that's what's going to define me. All of it. Not just one thing. So I thought Sullivan and Son was great. I had a blast doing it.

But to me, it's like, that's my college education and television. Now I'm going to go off and do something else. And you really want to come back and pitch and do the hours and start all over. Yeah. What were you guys shooting? Six episodes of season in Sullivan? I was 10, 10, then 13. And we were their highest rated TV show on the network.

But they're moving in a different direction is what I heard. So, you know, I think what they're trying to do is more single cam. We were multi cam. We were more traditional. And that was always the goal to pay homage to those multi cams that I grew up. I love married with children. I love cheers. I love all in the family.

I love the Jeffersons. I love family ties. I love all those shows. Those are the shows I grew up watching. So I wanted to do something like that, but a little more risque and with a lot more edgy comedy, which is what we got away with with Brian Dole Murray and all the racial stuff. So it was fun. It was damn fun.

Is part of what you're considering is doing maybe doing a show online. I mean, now that live with all those shows, the community just went online. And I don't know. There must be more opportunities than when the show started. Yeah. I think, you know, you know, absolutely entertainment. So fractured nowadays that you got to, you got to find whatever vehicle you can to give you the best opportunity to get your story out.

So absolutely anybody that's willing to give us a shot. But, but I'll start shopping this stuff around. Let's see what happens. Well, there's so many. What else on there's so many different platforms now. Yeah. If ABC don't want it now, you can put a couple curse words and put on Amazon where you go to Netflix.

Everybody's doing so much original. Everybody. Yeah. And if not, fuck it. We'll do a web series out like Kaza. Yeah. Like Kaza Burn. You know, that's the beauty about today that nobody, everybody could do.

You could take this matter into your own hands. Do it on your own. 15 years ago, you went to ABC, CBS, NBC. They said, no, you brought it to Fox. Fox 22. Yeah. They totally go fuck yourself. That's it.

You went home and cried. Yeah. We're going to sell it to CMT. I'm a pilot. I'm CMT following fucking line dance class. Yeah. That's what I want to fucking do. What's up?

Look at the shape of you. That's it. No more fucking gorilla biscuits for you. I don't believe you. Steve Byrne. Hey, I love you to death. I'm happy you came. It was an education.

Love you. Dude, this is, this is fucking awesome. Get to hang out more than anything. And thank you so much for thinking of me. I, uh, I'm just proud of you, man, that you, uh, didn't go fucking, you know, fuck TNT. Fuck TBS. If it wasn't for TBS, I wouldn't have three of the best years. Oh my God.

Absolutely by far. They're the best. They were great to me. I had a great time. Business is business. I don't take it personally. And, you know, when you do, when you've done this long enough, it's like, all right, I got to get back in the biz.

I got to open up another shop. That's it. And you know what, man? Karma's going to take care of you. Because you could take care of a lot of people. Thank you. But that means a lot. Absolutely.

This is a blast. Thank you. You see these comics get shows and they don't hire comics. And you're like, yeah. Really? Yeah. I don't want to hire my mom around. Well, okay, good.

When your show gets canceled, if I have a bad fucking karma. Go hang out with fucking your boy in LA County, Jerry. Yeah. And you close this motherfucker up with the sponsors and we'll get out of here. Are you in a rush, Steve Byrne? You got five more minutes? Yeah. If you got a boogie with noogie, I understand.

First off, you take something with Steve Byrne on it and you're fucking around. You understand me? Yes. That was feeling lonely and depressed. It was about three in the afternoon. I was a little stoned. The baby was sleeping. I had nothing to do.

I took two shroom texts. I went in front of the house with two 35-pound kettlebells and I went to work. You understand me? I breathed a little heavy. I was a little huffing and puffing, but I made it and it was fucking all because of shroom text. Sport, right? Not immune.

Immune is when you... Immune is for when you want to be... Don't want to get sick. When you don't want to get Ebola. You take your immune. When you fucking want more energy. I'd say you want to give mom a stabbing. I'd say you want to walk up running.

Two fucking... What are they doing? Sports. Sport. Shroom texts will put you on point. What about alpha brain? Fuck. We'll talk about shroom text today.

Also, that T-Oil is tremendous for smoothies, the coconut oil, also the T-plus to get your strength up and your reps and get more hair on your chest. You don't want to go to the beach with fucking patches missing from your chest. Like some transvestite went for the wing. Anyway, go to Honit right now and press in. Church. Boom. Get 10% off your next order.

Honit.com. They're tremendous whether it's the shroom text. Even if you want weights and kettlebells, I can't get you 10% on that. You're fucked. You're on your own. As far as minerals and supplements, I'm concerned you're with Uncle Joey, so you're taking care of your 10% off. Go to Honit one more time and press in.

Church. CHURCH. You are CH for you fucking people that can't spell in your little mo-mo up. There you go. All right. Again, you're going Joey. What am I going to do on Good Friday? I'm going to sit there.

I can't listen to music. Jesus got tortured. No. I got the answer to your questions. Go to irondragontv.com. They're not fucking around. You understand me? Kung Fu.

You like Kung Fu movies, Steve? Fuck yeah. This is what I'm talking about. A Korean loves Kung Fu movies. Everybody fucking loves Kung Fu movies. You understand me? Go to Iron Dragon TV right now. They got tremendous movies.

They got the Blazing Temple. It's on fucking fire. You understand me? They got a bunch of shit. What's the other movie? It Man. All the Jackie Chan. It Man series.

All the Jackie Chan. Back before he was a stunt man. There was some deep shit right there. They got new Chuck fucking displays. They got everything. They fully don't fuck around. Do you want to talk about what my... Not yet.

Iron Dragon TV. Look at the shape of you. What do you want to talk about? You haven't said three words. You've been sitting there like a monk with no fucking tongue. Relax. Now you want to be Charlie Chan and talk and fucking tell me stories all of a sudden. Look at the shape of you.

What are you going to tell them? You're going to fuck up the whole thing. You put moose in your head today. No, I don't have hair to put moose in. You better put fucking some moose in your head. Anyway, go to Iron Dragon TV right now and get two free fucking movies. Right now, today Kung Fu movies. What's the code?

Joey. Joey. J-O-E-Y. I'm telling you right now, if you want to get started in Kung Fu movies, you want to go to a party, you want to be interesting. Anybody can talk about fucking Birdman. Drop the blazing fucking temple on him. Watch all those Gentiles looking at you like, what the fuck is he talking about?

All right. Why be like the rest of these fucking mutts? Be original cocksucker. Talk about original Kung Fu movies. All right. Be special. Not like the rest of these fucking idiots. They can get attached to it with a feather and a fucking hat and talk about fucking

Birdman, whatever the fucking is. Be original cocksuckers. It starts with irondragontv.com. Right now, press enjoy. Two free movies. You're sitting there going, Joey, I'm sitting here by myself. I got nothing going on. I want to smoke some fucking vapors.

I want to see the devil. Naileditlife.com right now. The best vapor pen in the fucking market. You can put your own stuff in there. You can grow it. I don't care what you put in there. Naileditlife. Don't fuck around.

Go to Naileditlife.com. And right now they're giving you 20% off. Go to Naileditlife.com and press in. Joey Diaz. Boom. You get 20% off. If it's 50, that means you get it for 40, for all you dummies out there. Go to Naileditlife.com.

They got other accessories. They got the stick to put the wax in. They'll teach you how to make meth. They don't fuck around. Go to Naileditlife.com to help you out with your problems. You're sitting there like a month. Joey Diaz. Yeah.

Joey Diaz. What is it? The covert Joey Diaz. You're sitting there. I love that. You're sitting there saying, hey Joey, I'm sitting here. You're sitting there watching the Kung Fu movie. You just took two shroom tech sports and you're smoking vapor.

You want the full fucking spectrum of debt. You understand me? That's where I come in. HillySix.com. 1,200 guaranteed electronic pops. They go right to your fucking brain. They calm you down. You need to smoke cigars or cigarettes.

Oh Joey, but I smoke cigarettes. Boo. You talk suckers. 24, 16, 8, 0, nicotine fucking e-pens. They too are guaranteed 1,200 fucking hits. But you know what? Take it from them. Don't believe me.

Go to the page. Money talks and bullshit walks. Look at the juice. Go to HillySix.com right now. Pressing one in the box. Joey's church. Joey's church and get 20% off. So if it's 20, you get it for fucking 16.

I don't come here putting tax on you. I ain't here to break your balls. I'm here bringing your gifts. You got 110% off. You got Iron Dragon TV. You got two free movies. You got Nailed It Life. I'm giving you 20% off.

And you got HillySix. I'm giving you 20% off. I could be a douchebag and just give you a 10. But I go the extra mile for you motherfuckers. You understand me? Thank you for watching the show. Steve Byrne, who loves you more than me. Love you pal.

Nobody. Nobody's Steve Byrne loves you like me. Talk suckers. What are you going to do now? You going to sit there like I'm patients on a monument. Let's go. Yeah. We got more edible, Steve.

Okay. That's it. You're not going to close it up. I am. I'm meeting you guys so you guys can talk. No. Close it up. I am.

All right. Then close up the show. Okay. The show is brought to you by Anant. Yeah. I was. I was going to do that. The show is brought to you by Anant.com.

Go to Anant.com. And use Colbert Church to get that present up. I was just meeting you guys to get those talk. Iron Dragon TV. Use Colbert Joe to get two free movies. Go to hitesix.com and get 20% off. Use Colbert Joe's church and go to nail.live.com. Use Colbert Joe's ideas to get 20% off.

That's it. Have a good day. See you Wednesday night at eight o'clock. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.