Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #272 - Brendan Schaub, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 9, 2015

Brendan Schaub, UFC fighter and host of The Fighter and The Kid Podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. 
Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box 
Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. 
Recorded live on 04/09/2015.
 Music:
 Come Down on You - Bush Since Ive Been Loving You Led Zeppelin

This show is sponsored by Nature Box. Nature Box ships great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy and delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free Nature Box sampler box at naturebox.com slash joey. That's right free nature box snacks are found at naturebox.com slash joey. Also go to me undies.com slash joey. When you're at me undies.com slash joey check out the pics of the men's and women's underwear they have. They're the most comfortable underwear. They have shirts they have socks. When you go to me undies.com slash joey you're going to get 20% off of your first order and free shipping in the United States and Canada. Also go to onnet.com

and check out all their optimization products like alpha brain, new mood, shroom tech immune, shroom tech sport and use code word church to get 10% off and go to irondragontv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a Roku channel with all your favorite martial arts movies. It man series Jackie Chan. They have all they have the most 4k technology more than Netflix and they're adding more every day. Go to irondragontv.com and use code word joey to get two free rentals. Oh shit. Oh shit. Just when you thought it was safe bitches. Thursday afternoon. Get your weekend fucking ssss. Are you kidding me or what? The church what's happening now?

Lisa Yat, Brett and Charvin out. We're going deep today. Denver, Boulder, the mountains. A lot of bodies up there. Kick that motherfucker Lee. Kick that motherfucker Lee. There you go. There you go. Serious radio is doing a guitar month. So yesterday they celebrated the British people and they had this song on almost fucking crash to call us on Laurel Canyon. Today's American guitars. So if you're into all that shit there you have it cocksuckers. Lisa Yat, Brett and Charvin here. Colorado was a very hard sell for me. I was 19. I was in the middle of New York City. Clubs were booming. You were going into clubs. You were doing blow out in the open on the way out to give you sunglasses at seven in the morning. Brendan it was crazy. Yeah and I knew I had to

leave. I knew I had to leave. Why? Trouble? It was coming. I knew I wasn't gonna make it as a young man. New York was overwhelming. New York for a guy like me was you know I at the age of 19 I knew where to go whether you wanted to buy a handgun a bazooka or an eight ball of Coke or a $10 bag of weed. 24 hours you know when you have that access and those are you know food is always available but there was always I had too much access in New York City and I was getting myself into trouble and I didn't know what to do. I had already gone to Arizona. It was nice but it didn't grab me. Hot as shit. I had already been to Sarasota in Clearwater Florida. I'm the lamb when I robbed the jewelry store. It was okay but it didn't grab me and one day I'm walking I'm scamming and I bump

into NailedItLife.com's cousin. Really? There are sponsors. Oldest cousin. Oh well. He was 28, 29 maybe I was 18, 19 and I go where you been? He goes I got a place in Aspen, Colorado blah blah blah I go that's fucking crazy. My buddy's been talking me into going to Colorado. He was at Colorado Springs and got thrown out of the Air Force Academy so he couldn't go back to Jersey so he went to Aspen and became a garbage man and he was loving it because people were giving him oh my god people were giving them brand new shit you know. Lots of money. Lots of money in Aspen. Crazy money in Aspen. He met some other guys when his brother graduated Brown he made his brother come out and they lived in a place called Holland Hills who Dean Cain has a house there now.

Holland Hills it's in Basalt. It's where Goldie Horn lived not in those apartment complexes. She lived down the corner like at the end of that they call it a river. There's like a river I forget what the name of that river is. Basalt River. There was a restaurant there Brandon that you went in there you gave them 10 bucks they gave you a fishing pole. I swear that my mother's great. How fun is that? How creative is that? It's creative. You give them 10 bucks they give you a fishing pole in that little stream within 10 minutes. The guy comes over catches it for you takes it out skins it cuts the tail cuts the head grills it and gives you a potato salad. I'm not gonna write that for fun. Come on with your fun. I think I went to fishing Jersey. This is how cool this is what

I'm saying this is what lured me. I get to Basalt Colorado. First off I believe in signs Brandon I believe in signs and I was Omen's. Omen's this kid came to me and he's selling me Colorado. I don't know why and I'm like okay brother you know what you got a point I'll go with you and I was in Brandon but I had to get a bunch of money it sounds like it was easy to get you to go you were looking for I was looking for it out I had always been I went to college in Philadelphia Philly was too fucking real that was too real when you're 18 if you're looking for trouble really that's all I've never been to Philly oh at that time in 1982 if you were real and if you wanted problems you had them in Philly they were given to you. Who wants problems? Just if you thought

you were confused let's pretend you're confused you know what I beat this skinny guy up in and out I think I'm a UFC fighter yeah I'm gonna train in Philly and you go to Philly and you go join the gym and one night you go to a bar and you tell somebody you're a UFC fighter and they pick you up and they throw you to the glass at a fucking restaurant and when you're laying in the fucking hospital squeezing a plastic ball singing ABC's backwards you know what I'm saying I mean it's just uh so I knew I wanted to get out but I told this kid I go what am I gonna do for a living I'm retarded and he retarded he goes that's he goes they got jobs shoveling snow for 12 bucks and I'll get your job shoveling snow he goes you work part-time or full-time whatever and in those

days they gave you a three-mountain ski pass what what and and you gotta remember Ajax the girls from Denver go to Aspen go to Aspen yes those snow bunnies loving some Aspen so I was like you know what I skied once in Jersey it sucked but I learned I could shovel snow so he goes we'll leave in Thursday I go no I can't leave on Thursday I'm putting together this deal I'm putting the guy I don't want to go but like 1500 bucks I want to go there with some dough yeah let me burn a few people and let me get my lies and all that we'll get out this motherfucker leaves without me I mean so I went and bought a plane ticket a one-way plane ticket and in those days to go to Denver was like expensive I bought the ticket did you fly into Denver or into Aspen airport

and and I bought the ticket to fly into Aspen airport and I was leaving like uh May 8th or something like that and all of a sudden I walk into the bar where I hang out and there's my buddy at the end of the bar and I go what happened I thought you left me it was a transmission blew up in fucking Pennsylvania Philadelphia so I knew right there there's a sign his car broke he came back to get me yeah I go when is it gonna be facing well I don't know now because I need 600 bucks I go here here's the 600 get that motherfucker fix the sign for sure let's go well he and he called me next thing I was like we could be out here by Thursday so we left April 25th 1983 you were just a month old that's right right you were just a fucking month already in Denver

wow and I just got in the car and he was a power builder he was a power lifter yeah they were yo thick dude thick motherfuckers on ANAVAR and Winnie Vee right just fucking eating it like by the like fucking M&M's yeah Winnie Vee that's it nothing injectable they were just pills just fucking pills it was 1983 it wasn't as designer as it is now yeah like uh like the Anderson Silver would have never gotten caught no hell no your boy was on some Arnold Schwarzenegger right they were on uh you had Deckard the Roblin to cut up you had uh the shit to bulk up was Deanna ball did it was like just some groin yeah they sent you like uh it was from Germany so they sent you like a syringe with Hitler fat with a baseball bat it was like fat Hitler with a

baseball bat all with muscles sorry Lee you know I love it I'm convinced German do a special of just Jewish material I think it'd be hysterical he called me I read it well didn't someone come up to you in Ventura talking about how good you are for Jews oh please he goes you give him back self-esteem so fucking uh he was D ball was with Boca up the oral I don't I don't know and uh you asked the wrong guy I wish I knew D ball was with Boca up and then Decker and then they ate Winnie Vee this wouldn't the guys I hung out with that's what they were eating what was Danny be getting stuck with that it was later that was later oh you told me about that guy yeah this so homeboy was just driving across the nation with just popping pills popping pills smoking dope with one

at with one uh with one eight track Led Zeppelin that was a buddy of mine that's how I know about the other shit that was he died he died in 99 he was like missing the jersey this motherfucker was eating he was buying shit when dead people when people die they take us a juice out of their spine for $10,000 that's what he was blasting he was on a different level yeah crazy he's not still alive yeah said no one ever was blasting some other shit yeah it's blasting like dead people's stem cells like something oh my god when you grow his chest whatever it was if he'd swole oh my god shape like you want to wear a shirt on it looked like somebody had put a two by four in his chest that's what it looked like from the side it was just a a fucking block of just flat and steady with

a vein going through with the shirt on you see the vein and go wow whatever the fuck that might be too much though that's a little too much my man that's a little too much so we drove cross fucking country with two speakers that he connected to the stereo like in those days there were like 12 and I was speaking in the car we're talking piece of shit huge gas guys look no no no 12 miles to the gallon he bought it from like his grandmother to take it cross country it was like a Buick was saber or something but in the middle was an olympic bar he was bringing an olympic bar across town across this guy's the ultimate so he couldn't even fucking fall asleep and two 45 pound plates or whatever like four 45 pound plates and my luggage and my shit in the backseat we left on a

thursday night from new jersey at five is six in the afternoon and we got the aspen at five o'clock at night on a saturday night dang that's not bad no we drove right yeah there was some monsters yeah we drove right through there was no sleeping there was no nothing shum shum he got on the mic i got on the mic he got on the mic i got i'm not good at that man i get tired i need my sleep no no no not that you sleep too you sleep you sleep i sleep again you sleep again i driving a tank all right i like that i drive a tank you dream we're gonna stop yeah do want to weigh 60 bucks in the whole town pro pro long fucking stay true some shitty hotel but it's it's it's i remember being a little boy and they would say uh tonight happy days you know eight o'clock eastern six o'clock

pacifist seven o'clock mountain and that mountain always rang in my head i would go who the fuck lives in the mountain yeah and here i was you know now as an adult living in basalt and there was nothing going on like that i got a job right away you know like i said he got me a job shoveling snow and that's like a month it slowed down it's still snow till fucking may up there that snows up there fucking may snow snow snow and money that's aspen snow and money and i we had a move we moved to snow mass village and that was completely different and i remember shooting down to boulder one time like in uh the summer of 83 and going the same for me he's fucking hippies and then this seemed to industrial i'm like i lived in jersey when you're on on that what is that i 70

there's i 70 then there's i 25 right both yeah both of them cut through both of them yeah at one point you're like what is this this is industrial film and there's one by one play it just smells horrid yeah yeah that's uh commerce city not it's it's nasty oh my god it looks like it looks like terminator two that's why i started it's really pretty much there was a club there club 52 on wednesday nights and it's still there i don't know i doubt it oh my god that's where all the truckers and there was a little restaurant there that uh for truck drivers we did listen to me this stuff on 70 this is colorado it was the 70 and it was a restaurant just for truckers but the guy was an elvis impersonator since again night he was an elvis impersonator

at some shitty place in vegas but he slipped one night and he fell and he sued him so with the money he opened up this little cafe and then and on wednesday nights he was the elvis impersonator and he was doing an open mic and he liked me so he'd let me come up and do stupid jokes and he'd give me like 10 bucks in the cheeseburger only in them yeah only in them when you hear stories like that do you think those people realize what they're doing is retarded like he he went from being an elvis impersonator in vegas and using settlement money to open a truck driver stop and ever and be an elvis impersonator like when he talked to you tell you like he never made it to the big time joke i never made it to the big time of the elvis

impersonators no shit no shit i only got to play like henderson like the cafe and off the strip and shit and he had pictures of himself every one in a vegas suit and it started like when he was like he looked this as fit as you yeah and then to me like you saw the evolution of like giving what a shame he said he was such a good guy brandon nobody would give me a stage time and this guy saw me at the comedy work so he's like hey man i love your style you're a throwback if you ever want to come down on saturdays so then he started giving me work on saturdays and wednesdays guys would pay me 10 bucks but to me it meant the world because and i had to put up with is he a beat you know but he was he was an amazing he got on stage he put me on stage and he really

he really started like 180 and he blew up to like 450 yeah like his mom was making the suits for him like as he wasn't married he's still live with his mom his mom was making the suits for him this guy said you couldn't write this shit you can't write that shit he might have killed it with the lot lizards i think that's what you call him the the truckers like the you know those pro ho stuff like that there's lot lizards that's scary to me like i've heard of that like they just knock on the truck store and then like the truck stops have you heard this term joint no a lot lizard it's like girls who they you know when the truckers stop they go from truck to truck hooking up with with the guys lot lizards oh my god like a special kind of hooker i've never seen them

in my truck and trust me i'm a comic i've slept at truck stops uh million and never seen a lot lizard no oh wow you've heard it if i make you know i was like you weren't bat shit crazy yeah i mean would you let somebody suck your dick if they knocked on your glass i form them all if you're sitting there they want the small 50 that's my favorite term of yours i'm calling like i'm going to get that check this up my dick for the short 50 show the small 50 small 50 small 50 bro if i was single and driving across country i mean yeah i'd be doing some shady shit but not a fucking lizard like a lot with her she just sucked 20 truckers dick like 20 of them are on meth she got meth coming to mouth because one of those condoms blew up so she's all met up she's weak up she's

sucking your dick yeah it's not an idea it's weak and sucking dick it's no it's tremendous the grateful type oh my god i used to get these coked up chicks to suck my dick i'd be emotionally broken but they'd be fucking shocked you know what would they do oh my god cry make you feel good after you got done oh and then you got rid of them that was the best how you got rid of them oh my god how would you get rid of them i'm the fuck knows you leave a light on me time they gotta leave because you gotta make some shit up you can't have them hanging out poking out in your i'm shooting the longest yard love that movie it's the first weekend of the shoot and Adam Sandler's having a party that's some fucking dirty bar you know Tate Fletcher yes very well that's Tate

Fletcher his girlfriend worked at the bar Tate was an extra on the film that's how Tate that's how I met Tate oh well so we're at that bar and we're fucking around when I walk in who's the guy who just got into the car accident with Walmart Tracy Morgan is sitting with two white chicks and one of the white chicks is taking a Budweiser bottle and busting it and putting the whole thing in her mouth and drinking like deep-throating like deep-throating going like it's suck a dick and i'm sitting there watching this chick i haven't done blowing like two weeks i'm ready to bust i'm ready to bust i can't fucking take it no more i've been trying to be a good boy but i gotta i gotta bust or not i'm looking i'm looking at anybody to see who's tweaking nobody's tweaking i'm scratching by

the fucking minute oh my god and i'm looking at this chick and finally she gets up to go to the bathroom she comes back and i can tell she's the tweaker so i gotta figure out how to break her away from Tracy how could you tell twitching by no she just went to the bathroom and she came out and just you know just i don't know something she was doing just made me say this is the one if anybody knows where to get a fucking kilo of blow it's this filthy fucking animal right so i uh he insults him you give tracy morgan 20 minutes of the chick and he'll say something to him that i'll just either make him run away or they're in or they're in and he was asking if they wanted black babies if they wanted a black baby and all this shit they collect welfare pushing a special

bracket you know i mean i'm dying a lot yeah and something happens that something tracy leaves and the two chicks are sitting there so i go up to the check and i go listen let me answer something who's got the fucking gay around here and she listen she goes i know this guy we could call him and all this stuff but in the meantime i go to the bathroom i ask a guy from the set and he goes i got some in my fucking pocket so i go boom how much you want 80 whatever boom i get so i'm sitting in this gen and all of a sudden i said fuck this chick i got the blow i didn't want this chick creeping around me i already had blow on me how do you want to share and she wasn't bad looking i mean she was an eight she was cute she was young she was fucking you know unless i'm walking out sure enough

because they gave us all rental cars on the set you do know that they gave us all like suvs some type of suv so we all had like there's 20 suvs in the town it's one of the fucking football players in the longest yard so as i'm running to it as i'm walking to the thing i hear his heels and i keep walking i don't want to share this fucking brand with this chick i haven't got an eye in fucking fucking weeks now i gotta share and it was her and she goes this guy he can meet us like in an hour it's 50 bucks so i take it to the hotel room and i'm like i'm not giving this chick blow and i pulled the fucking louis lemore dog i had the heart i had bae arassmann's the heart medication he crushed them up crushed them up like a motherfucker because i didn't know

where i stood with the chick i didn't know for sure she's gonna suck my dick i didn't know for sure she's just there for drugs oh my god so i gave her some of the aspirin we were sitting there and i'm like oh my god and i may believe like my phone was on vibrate yeah and i went like oh my god it's my guy let me go downstairs and i came back and i had put him like a little info and i gave her some of the aspirin oh my god and she thought it was coke it was the weirdest fucking thing i hips started to eat after that fuck no i kept it there all night after she sucked my dick i busted out the real shit and kept it there all night this is my creepy fucking days creeps creep games i wouldn't give her a ride the next one i get away for like a cab she was a little furious was she part of it

was she an extra in the movie or she was just trying to hang out she was at the bar she was at the bar drinking drinking with anybody else you know yeah you know she was a fucking tweaker i mean you could see that four in the morning when she was when i was she was looking out a window and trying to suck your dick and she was paranoid you knew something was going on what what percentage would you say on set actors do drugs it's a high percentage the ones the ones i know i would say it's a high percentage and i have a theory on this you if i tell you something you're not going to believe this i think you'd be surprised people when i walk on a set i keep i keep them i say hello i'm very cordial but i keep everything out of the distance after i did the longest shot i can't i

can't tell you how many fucking pain i'm looking you in the face i'm looking lee in the face i can't tell you how many people came up to me said you ever do cope with michael urman i had no desire to yeah and i didn't take our friendship there yeah i didn't mention it every night i went i had my package i don't know where he got his shit yeah and he went and did his package after the movie shot i heard stories but you know the same thing about this kind the same thing about that guy but i always keep it light on those things because i know how fast i heard stories of guys that did blow and then all of a sudden they get a big movie role or tv show and they just start talking to you i don't want to lose somebody's friendship over drugs hell no song

those movie sets i always kept it weed yeah everybody smokes fucking oh yeah on every movie set i've gone through after two days you're gonna smell fucking weed yeah yeah but as far as the other shit i have no idea the only guy saw do it openly and didn't give a fuck was james coburn i saw that motherfucker smoke though and have a big can of his hand did not get his scene was up next they didn't say nothing nothing not a fucking word man this is this is my theory on on actors and actress and athletes when you have a ton of time off or if you're a musician or an actress actor and you have a ton of time off and you have money in your pocket i mean you can only go go on so many vacations you can only do so much and you're back home just chilling man

you're just chilling so drugs is an easy outlet i'm not advocating i'm just saying i i get it i get you give me a ton of time off i do some weird shit man i get tattoos i buy fucking race cars and shit you know i make bad decisions because i have so much time off that makes sense so if you're an actor especially everyone that just got done with the movie your next movie's not for another seven eight months you have all this time off you're chilling you have a place up in the hills there's pool there's chicks and i get it man i get it that's why i think the percentage of especially drugs with you know weed like you said weed's common man so you see it everywhere i just think it's there's a higher percentage in that line of business for that reason

you should have so much time off for somebody who did as many drugs as i did for as long i have a very good mix of friends like i love the friends that didn't get high as much as the friends that did get high they kept me very balanced you know and at an early age i kept i learned somewhere to keep drugs out of certain relationships because they were gonna ruin them weed yeah but once you start talking about coke or pills and shit you start dabbling to other people's lives when somebody comes to you and says lee come here for a second your friend joey deas do you know where you could get blow and you go yeah get you blow you're gonna come to me lee and get blow for your boss who's a fucking big shot at abc he's never gonna meet me and i'm never

gonna meet him but we're gonna know about each other do you know i'm saying if something ever happens he's gonna cut you off lee because you know one of his deepest fucking intimate secrets which is addiction people gotta buy it somewhere that's what always is bad for me when somebody gets busted for blow i always go where'd they get it from yeah you're following me who what a system went and got it for you you know i know i used to hang out of the weed store in the sun that's not there anymore and the guy was telling me that 50% of his business was people's assistants tall assistants it was all assistants that would come down because they don't want to risk it because they wouldn't come down to even get a medical marijuana license whatever whatever whatever it's

like it's why i don't really understand like it when everyone talks about like people like justin beaver or any young actor or singer if i was 16 that had 100 million dollars of course i mean it's just that's why i don't really get a lot of the hate they go through yeah but if i was 500 million 500 and he's 21 21 and 500 million let me ask you something at this point in 2015 i'd be way worse why would you do drugs everybody else did them well why would you do drugs i'd try to be original why would you do drugs you think i'm happy about my drug use at that time no it happened uh it was at a bad time i was right there this weed thing that's happening i was right there when the coke thing took over and that was one of the wildest places that even up in the fucking mountains of

Colorado they had tons of coke but when when you were in the party scene that's when coke like burst first on for me in Denver and i honestly i never saw it i never saw it my 25 26 years endeavor never saw coke once all weed everywhere come to la very first part i go to in the hills girlfriend of mine brings me there and it's everywhere and i was i just remember like dang this is la man i just remember being everywhere never touched it well i actually wanted to talk joined i talked about the air and her nanda's thing and then like a day or two ago an nba player got stabbed at a club at like four a.m in new york kid from cu like what copling as an athlete like how how are these people still going out like how is and why is and her

nanda's killing people when you just signed a 60 million dollar contract like as an athlete who makes a decent amount of money wouldn't you think you'd just stay at home you would think right listen he the thing you gotta understand about Aaron is his background man he grew up in a gang he comes from a broken home i'm not making excuses for him at all i'm just saying you gotta understand the kids background so he grows up uh doing drugs getting away just being the craziest athlete on the field so that's his life that's Aaron's life they said the worst thing to happen to Aaron was him getting drafted by new england patriots because he's from there so i'm Connecticut he's from Connecticut so his whole gang all those guys are from Connecticut

so him getting drafted by new england he's not escaping anything they're going oh our boys made it they fall him over there and he grew up you know in this gang life when he was at florida his mom would come to the dorm you know and she was a drug addict stuff like that so he grew up a very rough life you know just because you're drafted and people say oh well you're a role model now no man just because he has 100 million in the bank you're not taking the hood out and her nanda's because he's a good football player he's been that talented all his life and gotten away with it not working as hard as other guys that's how talented he is so when people are like oh this is ridiculous how can you do that you gotta realize the conditions they come from man not

everyone comes from a great family that's all he knows to us it's stupid i i'm not out came what he did to us it's stupid but to him it's all he knows man so him getting drafted by new england patriots i mean you talk about omen's what everyone talked about it really fucked them man you know listen i think if you went to arizona or anything this just didn't start happening 20 years ago before both the years were born a player got drafted by the boys in the Celtics blend bias blend bias and he did coke and he fucking died of a heart attack you know this has been going on for years you take a a bad environment a good environment who knows why does a fucking player go out of his fucking house when he's got 30 million dollars in the bank he knows people going to be running

gun from what makes you take your fucking misadies with your butler and go to a club and because you want pussy you want you know you want to be normal you want to be normal though why can't you go to club you got money you want to buy a bottle you want to go las vegas you want to get your dick sucked yeah but you know what man people go well there's cameras out now joe all this shit that's good there was you have to act like a new home like a human fucking being athletes have always been crazy you know listen i got a playboy magazine at the house about hollywood henderson another guy that came out way before you guys were born he was a dallas cowboy that got fired because he put up about number one during while the dallas cowboys were losing when tom landry

was a coach he put up his number one before commercial and pointed a towel and they fired him because it was he was a linebacker and the towel was somebody's from the offense a wide receiver who was putting out towels so other guys could dry their hands on the towel before they go out and get the ball yeah so he just gave it like an advertising they fucking fired him the next day hollywood henderson she says but hollywood they're looking for a reason to fire up hollywood henderson was a fucking monster he got drafted by dallas and that's if you read the article and then surgery or taiga from years ago i put this article out there and he founded a flea market in san francisco for like four bucks and opens up with him because the dallas cowboys used to train at thousand oaks

yeah that's their rookie can't well they're an ox they're still yeah they used to be thousand 30 years ago and he talks about his first day stretching thinking about what he had in his room three hits of acid a gram of blow damn an ounce of weed you know in 30 bucks and how he was going to go out some speed and then he used to come to hollywood hang out with the point of sisters and richard prior he was one of the originators of uh of uh free basic oh well so if they knew it dallas knew it they all knew it at the time the nfo was dallas and san diego charges were the biggest coke fucking freaks and the san diego had their own uh whatever cop liaison yeah that was issued to him from the nfo so if something happens to you you would call that

go to him yeah and he wrote a book years later about who i thought it's a lot of fucking the quarterback and chuck muncie getting paranoid and chuck muncie was walking around with a gun and the gun fell and it shot him in the arm so he was out for three weeks but he just said he had surgery and how they bought it he has allegations in there about joe montana six week when he said they had back surgery he was really in a rehab what oh yeah joe montana was the king of swing what yeah man when i found joe i found out when i was doing the longest year man it's kind of disappointing my heart broke and i love joe montana man oh my god you a pope when i found out joe montana was a freak my heart broke why because he was my idol growing

up joe montana though was he kidding me i met joe montana at a super ball party did you look at his nose it was probably leaking they said his nose leaks though i just remember being so excited to meet him and maybe you know you never know what's going on in their life i remember talking to him and it was so depressing it was just it was i maybe it was a dark time i looked down he has fucking sketches on at the time remember he's pitching sketches he's at the super all party in his fucking sketches and he's just talking about how he wishes he could go back to the NFL and play and i just remember walking away and being like oh the guy needs a friend you know just like he needs to talk to someone man for sure tell me about fucking glory 49er days all right so when

i'm sitting there we're doing like because we did six weeks of the longest yard in san jefano mexico then we shot the rest down in torrents oh really college down there oh nice so one of the days we were shooting they were shooting inside the NFL with marina and sandler and i was talking to somebody it doesn't really matter i don't know who it really was yeah about whatever and for some reason you ever you're doing something but something catches your eye something catches your eye and you focus on it somebody's moving fast something so guess who comes by me moving really fast who's the crazy fucking linebacker that beat the dude up with that helmet roman roman ass yeah i feel roman ass yeah he comes walking past me fast and something

just made me tilt my head he's got the shorts on he's got the t-shirt on yeah he's a big day he's just moving this time he shrunk right he's just moving and and they're shooting inside the NFL right they're shooting cameras on and he walks around the set and he goes to marina how's that drug problem in all dog is fucking dead are you fucking kidding me dog what marino say he just froze like he just laughed cut and they just giggled sandler turned purple everybody turned fucking purple yeah man fuck yeah roman was a wild card man what's that roman ass he was a wild card done crazy dude man done done done lethal white he could have gone either way here's a guy that could have gone either way because

my buddy played with him in college that's why he got along with me during the movie set he really wasn't too fucking keen on a lot of people you know for years he sent me powders and pills and shit and doctor is out of Denver his partner is out of Denver doctor whatever the dude who could feel your body and do fucking hypnosis because i think he was the company was out of new mexico or something but they were both out of Denver the doctors out of Denver yeah roman ass he's no joke though no joke he could have been he could have been 10 times worse than that in Hernandez he was going for people's eyes he was the guy he's that fucking outfit in the circus that's gonna freak out and fucking do some work yeah he could yeah

my buddy was second to him in tackles in college really so as soon as i got the thing he called me he goes hey man listen don't play don't play don't play keep them straight be honest don't fuck don't no no no and i learned the hard way because when we were shooting that scene where he hits me yeah there's a scene where he hits me yeah there was a a squad there was a there was the actors there was the doubles then there was a practice squad right and when we were shooting that movie there was the practice squad would shoot stuff with the uniforms on and you think it was the guys yeah but there was this little dude from new england don't know what his name was lee no big body he wasn't buffed he wasn't mr america he was just this little italian dude

maybe maybe six feet and they were lying maybe 205 dog he was popping motherfuckers but when i tell you he was popping people he was dislocating shoulders like that type of shit taking it too serious like no no no just clean even people were like god damn dog god damn like what at the last shot pop one of those guys that's with you the whole time and all of a sudden once you touch the ball bam well he had fucked up two guys in two weeks like one guy showed it with the ice pack on with the shoulder taped up one of those guys and then another guy walked him with a fucking fucked up me so now we're about to shoot that scene where they kick the ball after me all right and i don't know for some reason i'm being an asshole

and i look at it's the italian kid from the from the england patriots and romanosky and it's me and sam and we're all talking in the scene and all of a sudden he goes listen what do you want to do and i don't know whatever you want to do do the scene the stuntman was like i'll take the shot do i go no no go ahead i go listen to be honest here i don't mind who hits me i'd rather romanosky hit me in this fucking little italian tank dang what do i say that fucked up uh you know he fucked up right i fucked up as i was saying as a joke romanosky just looked at me wasn't that right after he stopped playing in the nfl like right after yeah it was right there it was right those shots are real the first shot he hit me when i went backwards but the second shot that they tape

with my helmet spun around i got up and i remember with the helmet going that's it because then i started getting pissed off because i'm like going you're fucking really going at me really he was dead serious he was dead serious and then i was dead i'm like you're really going at me and you're an nfl player let's do this shit again and then he would and then i would level my 315 i was 415 that yeah if you can't knock me down you're an nfl player because he wasn't really knocking me down guys i was going down to a knee but he wasn't laurence tailing me by no means and i'm like come on and so i started getting pissed off and after like six shots they said cut we got to fucking come we're good yeah we got it and i remember walking back to the scenes and it felt like i got beat up

you know i wasn't bleeding but my body was like couldn't have been good for your brain i don't give a fuck yeah there's a fuck dog every time i do a bumper we think what do you need that boy when you do a bumper cut we think it happens it's like a left hook it's like your head jumped backwards roman now see that's what that he was fresh off the oakland raiders then too that was fresh off the fresh off that that's the thing where he did with the helmet wasn't yeah that was he's off hits the dude with it because he had to leave to go to court and shit they came and got him one time hysterical he was his family's very nice he cares a nice wife that was a great opportunity to be around fucking crazy people because to do football those amount of years you got to be a little bit

people always say you got to be crazy do come and listen you gotta be fucking crazy to play football especially linebacker especially some of those positions at a certain age you got to wake up and go what the fuck am i doing i'm 31 now i'm practicing against 21 year olds yeah that they don't give a fuck they've been hungry they've been living in a fucking project they've been shot at they want my fucking job and they're bigger faster stronger bigger faster kids my god that's such a your boy michael ervin those one of the most special people i've ever met great guy man great guy good dude good dude man i really loved him he was one of those guys that uh everybody on the set loved he's a guy if you could get him on your show on a podcast and sit down to actually open

up and talk about the white house days on the dallas cowboys one is him emet smith uh nate newton when they'd have the white house parties have you heard about this they all went in on just a big ass crib in dallas and they would just after the games they'd have these massive parties there called the white house does he talk about it publicly i i think he has i think he has i think and they've talked about in a book but he doesn't go into detail about it'd be fun to get him to open up talking in detail you want to talk about living a life the white house parties i think every fucking football team did those they just they weren't the dallas cowboys though in the 90s what think about those teams man yeah they were fucking crazy you know and they're still uh i used to go i still

used to go to dallas a lot and i used to ask questions and there's a lot of michael ervin stories and hotels and shit that's all yeah man that's how you got in trouble i know i'm letting somebody into a hotel like somebody wanted a party and they go let's come we're no okay i pull the cops on you and that's how it started i hated those fucking hotel parties i can never settle at those things see i'd be doing drugs and those things with people and shit guys with guns and you're in a fucking hotel room music's on i don't get down with it no i don't get down with it last one i went to was in uh at the roosevelt in la i was with brian it was wild man i left like he said i left nothing good's gonna come from that man switch for me i got out i've never been

in i'm one night out in 94 one of my buddy chris fish and i went out with him for dinner and we got some blow and i got really excited and i got really fucking high and i passed out in this car and i woke up in this car like a four in the morning i was in the parking lot building on a hundred and something street in new york city that's the first time i went the night started going there after that and i woke up and i got out of the car and i'm like chris chris and i heard music and it was like the eighth floor of a building in new york so you pull up and you press the button they take you up to the eighth floor and then you pull the fucking car out oh and then upstairs they have hookers they have blow they play cards you could

dance fucking tremendous i was so scared to be in there i don't even know why i remember that number who gives a fuck so you get so you went to this fucking high school in denver uh overland overland high school where the fuck is that overland is in in aurora it's close uh well you know aurora gets a bad name now because of those fucking the theater shootings right so my mom lives next door to there but um overland high school overland's a big city man over it's a suburb right outside denver coach there i don't think he's still there tony man freddy he's one of the best he's one of the classic coaches he's the coach there for like 25 years whether it was college pro what even now ufc tony man freddy is one of the i was fortunate one of the best coaches ever in high school think

about most once your high school coaches are at you know they're slap digs they don't what the fuck they played you know it's slap digs they played high school football and they tell you about their glory days out of legit coach man i was fortunate yeah so uh high school denver college university of colorado that was like a dream right especially being in denver the golden helmet that's what you were talking about boulder what did you think of boulder as a whole boulder's tough man because uh boulder's in a weird place now i just remember it upset me because you didn't get much support from people ain't boulder the football program especially when i was there we were good man in previous years you've had some great teams but i just feel like in boulder you

know the liberals that they got too much shit going on athletics isn't a key thing but if you look around why the fuck do you think all this nice stuff is around because the football team who do you think's paying for all this stuff the football team is bringing all this money there that pays for all this nice stuff all these other the athletic facilities all this stuff that's all football man so i just felt like we never got support there ever there's too much shit going on there's too much you can hang glide can rock climb and go tubing down the river there's too many options and then the problem with that is isn't you know boulder's main mainly white you know it is it's all white people so you're trying to recruit these five star athletes you know from urban areas

it's a tough sell man it's a tough sell it's beautiful but you're trying to take a kid from a big city like new york or uh los angeles and say hey check out boulder i mean you're talking about complete 180 man so they have their workout cut cut form for sure i think the team haven't been good because you know when hawkins was there when hawkins was there he wanted more of a team that was like academics and shit what's up with the shape of this fucking guy what's up he got to be hired before the party he's just like dead quiet dead quiet i don't even know what i did he just looked at me you look at me listen before you say anything about support south beach is south beach florida you know it doesn't appeal to me but it appeals to a thousand million people and you

know what they can't do in south beach it's a party town right it's always they can't do comedy yeah just doesn't work new orleans beautiful city great food great music you know what never worked there come they're just not open to it you don't think there's too much going on just just just just didn't click something about new orleans they do comedy at a book place they do come at the house of blues it's not as far as you know no no no um that's like football go to go to the south go to tennessee go to alabama you want to talk about support that's what i'm comparing support you know where else you can't do comedy boulder really boulder college town bars everywhere everywhere just doesn't click the boulder broker did it for years and uh a place called the blue note where

rozan bar used to go with map berry and map the other guys that created shows here but besides that they tried to put 10 comedy clubs in boulder all the year full time can't do it boulder is very intellectual boulder they used to call the paper the city's republic of boulder it's very lee i wouldn't last in boulder right now without people saying something to me like i'm too fat to live in boulder well what they said you like you gotta get your life together because they have moonlight walks at shatakwa park at night for free yeah there's no reason to be 10 pounds overweight not no reason you can't say well listen i have a lumbino problem no they'll fucking help you they'll take you to my ropa institute and they'll fix it for you okay that

quinoa quinoa and juice yeah they don't fuck around i got yelled out for driving a hummer up there look at that i'd a hummer people would look at me and disgust it is so you get a pretty completely different get your mind right they drink their beer they smoke their reefer and they want people to be in shape you they wear their t-vus and they were you look at what's to do and you look at boulder what's to do tonight swim class free put on by lifeguards of america go there and learn how to swim marsh it's it's amazing you know it is an amazing town they used to have a place to harvest restaurant it's still close to my heart and it was vegetarian they have great food there man jays pasta what unbelievable jays pasta is still there and hell yeah huge support

of the football team we used to go there all the time well this is what i'm saying for the amount and the size of the town you have huge support because i remember when they went to the fucking place to the fettle express bowl in florida the orange ball how many fucking people went that year from boulder the and i used to work at the puddle car wash they were big supporters of c u football huge everybody from the school came in got free car washes the football players hung out there the that it was i don't know what how to describe the racism in boulder okay it's not like a a black dude no no no no they really appreciate the football team but when they just don't want their daughters dating them no when shit turns sour they don't

fuck around when it comes to the football team well i was there when it was sour the barnett is and then it was even more sour before you fucking got there i was there when the fucking i was there when the fucking black running back sal was collecting for the fucking greek diner the how can an all american line about running back re-collecting for the fucking guy that's like a part-time mobs like if this guy came up to me and said you owe me money i'd smack him in the mouth not the black line back don't get me wrong do not get me wrong ladies and gentlemen i'm talking about the owner of this restaurant at the time yeah it was like a make-believe guy like he was like a make-believe bubblegum mobster and he hired the running back from c u this was

way before jj flanagan that's when i was there that was the first problem we use is this this is 87 86 when this problem started and then came the canavis mcgee years when he punched the guy in the head at togo's pizza downstairs yeah and knocked his eyeball out and then the jj flanagan i got into a beef one time i got into a beef one time on uh on safeway on baseline boulevard because he called me a speck and the reason why the judge drew bro i was going to do time i would not be here right now it was my third felony yeah in boulder i would stretch you're out and this guy said we're throwing it out because in the city limits of boulder you're not allowed to use the racial slurs to jj flanagan law oh wow because he smacked the lady for calling them a nigger in

pearl street damn and they dropped it oh yeah boulder had a lot of problems for a long time lot of problems but they really they weren't uh racist as far as when the ship went and when it was time to call them a spade a spade they called them a spade that's the problem the pull out i knew you weren't fucking you know what i'm saying like after i've loved you for three years yeah i'll pull the juke card out on you and you're like you son of a bitch yeah like that's what i'm trying to say they're not racist so i don't want a weird vibe man uh don't get around i love boulder i love my time there but it's a weird vibe especially go to other college towns like i spoke at oh house state they freaking live and breathe but guy football but you don't get

that same feeling when you go to boulder man there's too much to do there's too much intelligence you know the intelligence level in boulder if you know everybody wants the helmet to be uh invented the thing that they can look into your brain to see what you're thinking yeah like a street in boulder without people knowing you know idiots like you and i and lee were thinking about pork chops and getting our dicks up and working out and going to a movie in boulder when you see those guys walking on the street with sandals on smoking a pipe yeah with their stupid fucking glasses they're thinking about the speed of light yeah if there was a hurricane in new mexico right now what would the speed you know that's what they're really thinking i sold

subarus and it was amazing land the questions people would come in and i thought it was a joke i thought they'd get together and go go in there and ask these questions to the salesman and i would ask the general manager i'd go listen this guy just asked me this and he goes i've been selling subarus for 30 years only in boulder do they come up with these questions because they're so intelligent that this is what they're thinking about like the ratio of the brakes who gives a fuck i bet they sell more subarus in boulder than probably anywhere else in the nation no it's at burt it's burt burts the number one dealer of subarus in the fucking world in denver but i think uh the one in boulder in colorado springs is number two in the world i mean you'll

see more subarus subarus and denver is like priuses in los angeles why do you think i drive a super because of my drive super right now since the last 20 years because of my denver you love them love them i know i know how i am with a car i know what i am with a car i am a fucking bad luck person with a car really my right eye is better than my left eye so the right side of the car is always gonna have dents there's always gonna be a hubcap missing a ding in the door something okay uh my foot's heavy prestino i rip i always fuck up the mats i always fuck up the mats you know i'm one of those guys so the car that was there for me the whole time was a subru the only not a subru hazard if you get a five speed which don't exist anymore you couldn't leave your hand

on the clutch you have to light you know how people leave their hand on the clutch you have to take your hand off because that's how your clutch cable went the number one thing on the subru was the clutch cable because people would leave their hands on the clutch so that was the thing this subru here i love it and i love it when it rains in california i gotta go out there and everybody else is like fucking man handling the the five and i'm on the left hand lane doing 90 with my fucking all-wheel drive all-wheel drive symmetrical because now they threw the symmetrical and that motherfucker four-wheel i lived in boulder when you went up the fucking hill and if there was a lot of snow you pressed the button and the rear tires would pop up uh now here's the thing about boulder

that people don't know i always i i i got arrested in boulder i got convicted in boulder and i got to tell you some boulder was still one of the most favorite places made in my heart that's great i'm embarrassed to go back there i always felt like i let boulder down yeah the type of guy i always raised like boulder was those people very nice and for me to have a machine gun yeah and act how i did all drugged up you know uh but both had a dark side what do you mean like i saw a lot of weird shit in boulder like i was just thinking about this guy a couple nights ago i was at home by myself my wife was out of town and i was thinking about my man fred that was the first into like i thought i was a gangsta while i lived in jersey like i thought i was a gangsta like i like i knew

shit like a guy i knew killed the guy and threw him into the fucking Hudson River like i just knew shit when i was a kid but it wasn't till i got to ask him like i was lonely you know i was lonely and this girl used to always come over to the house she used to work with the girl next door and they all smoked pot one of my friends and i would come home some days and maybe eight people might live in this woman one day she said to me she was you know my husband would get along you should go talk to my husband so i would go over there at night and talk to him and shit he was like a hard dude you know he's ex-marine whatever the fuck he was he was originally from like you know the other son grand junction you know those people ain't got no personality

you know she's not shitting grand junction yeah they ain't dicking grand junction i haven't heard that word in forever yeah grand junction you know but this dude was just cool he was in vietnam just a solid dude he was a little older than i was he was a bus driver and i would talk to him and one thing led to another and one night we're watching scarface he didn't get out his wife got out but he didn't get out he drank uh tequila and smoked cigars you know and we were watching scarface and i said something about a gun he goes turn this off and he said move the couch and we moved the fucking couch and under the couch was a fucking floor safe and this motherfucker opened it up and out there he had the Rambo gun the Tony Montana gun this is 1980 fucking three guys he's showing me

this craziness he's showing me this utility stuff waiting for an apocalypse some shit he was waiting just to kill people he was dying to kill people what he really wanted to do this guy his dream and then that's how he became friends so he started teaching me how to shoot on saturdays he taught me how to shoot he didn't worry that this guy wanted to kill people no see i've been on the on the fuck no no he didn't want he didn't tell me himself he wanted to kill me he wasn't creepy he was a guy that just uh i could tell that he had killed before i could tell he was in the service yeah i could tell he didn't fuck around i could tell he really loved america it just he was just a different type of dude but i could tell he wanted more and he felt like he had been cheated

he was one of those dudes and one of the most dangerous ones super dangerous and i didn't know where this was going brandon you know he was just very nice to me he'd just say what do you want to do what do you want to shoot tomorrow all i had to do was pay for my bullets so we go to the bullet store before that and he told me what do you want to shoot tomorrow i will shoot the nine millimeter with the scope i'll shoot this with the fucking bazooka let me shoot this so he go all you gotta do is cover your bullets and he let me shoot it brandon he was very nice i shot like three guns in new jersey at a pigeon in the backyard when somebody takes you shooting in colorado your fucking heart beats you're out there he would take me like behind these fucking mountains and

put up cans and it was shovel so people could roll on the floor like you were in the service this was fucking great guys on fucking saturdays and we'd spend all morning out and he told me one thing i'll take your shooting just do me a favor don't smoke that shit that was our deal so i didn't get hot everything was very legit he showed me how to clean the gun afterward how to clean him he was my fucking dog then the the clouds finally what do you want to part it okay so he knew i had a little larceny to me he knew i had a little larceny to me and one day he just started telling me about robbing a bank but he wanted to rob the bank the day after christmas i told the story of marron one time and people like you can't rob a bank on christmas day i meant he wanted to rob the

christmas day was like on a wednesday so the bank was going to be open on thursday he wanted to rob the bank like on friday or the christmas eve why what's his reasoning because the money all the money that was going to be there from the day from christmas vacation they weren't going to have a chance the people weren't going to pick it up till the following monday so he knew he had been watching the bank of aspen so he knew that on those weekends they don't make a pickup so they had to be 50 i don't know what the number he had but he had another guy and me and he wanted to do with snowmobiles and rob it through the back way like it had never been done that way like instead of robbing the bank and having to shoot it on the street and you

know having the helicopter to chase you fuck that shit do it on snowmobiles have a car dash out with a car but have a point where you get into snowmobiles and dip out and by the time they find the snowmobiles i mean you're kind of convincing me i feel like oh my god this is all man shit now at the same time this is the winter of 84 at the same time no this is the winter of 83 at the same time i'm robbing little drug dealers in snowmass village just little guys an ounce a half ounce of blow 800 cash dumb shit but i got my sights on this fucking jewelry store on my own i'm gonna do this jewelry store so i had another friend that was an electrician this is crazy oh my god oh my god you see brandon things could have gone a lot of

different ways you see now you see what happens when you're 18 and when you're 50 where your thinking goes with those college players that we were judging before you don't know what a kid's thinking when he's 22 how you know how fucking weak you are when you're 22 and you really don't know it we think jehovah witnesses recruit you when you're fucking 40 not they recruit you when you're 40 but that's the time to get in when you come out of college and you're disheveled and you don't know what you're gonna do and all of a sudden the new england patriots give you 60 million dollars and you're still hanging out with gangsters yeah man now you listen when i kidnapped that guy let's let's be honest because you didn't know the story and we were getting

do this the other day let's be honest i could tell you whatever story you guys want to hear was it because my mother died at a young age i kidnapped somebody and made them go through that not really was it because of my drug use and i've done pcp in 1982 and it backfired i could tell you that and i could probably have a psychiatrist now back it that's how crazy but i'm telling you as a man do you want me to tell you what it was bro between the drugs and the way i'd grown up like watching people with guns somewhere in my mind i thought that that was the way to go like i got that confused options you just didn't have many other options i had tons of options who the fuck are you kidding dog in america today you got always got a fucking option there's a shelter that'll

give you 30 days to get your life together and there's always a car lot looking for somebody to wash a car dog or to fucking sell a car trust me you trust them telling you they always lock that's for television people there's no option yeah that's for television there's tons of fucking options in this country i had this fantasy it was a fucking fantasy thank god i didn't kill somebody and do 30 years over a stupid fantasy and be sitting in the cell today thinking i didn't want to be a killer that was just you don't know you're watching on tv you know they're showing up at the club throwing 50s who doesn't want to throw 50s up in the air when you're 22 you blame you you fucking you don't want to throw 50s up in the air you don't

rent and shop if you had the opportunity tonight to pull up with the baddest fucking poish available and just say look at the valet and throw like a pile of 10 000 at his face don't move this fucking car because i'll shoot you in the fucking head and go like this and show him like a bazooka walk into the club the big black guy throw him 10 000 and go fuck you and every fucking black guy that came out of Africa and there's more where i came from after you threw 10 000 at a black guy he'll you know he'll let you call him a nigger for five minutes before he gets mad you got about two minutes left you understand me who you're kidding okay right or wrong who doesn't want to be able to do this as a man i'm lying to you motherfuckers

i just you it could be a kung fu chinese guy what kung fu chinese guy door man could you take 10 000 throw that his face and go fuck you cocksucker shine my shoes you fuck and he'll look at you and go you know why i'll shine you 10 000 10 grand what the fuck then you walk in the club everybody you just pull you just battling mother get out of the way look what i got you got a fucking 50 thousand and 20s you know what that looks like you have an idea what 50 thousand and 20s looks like you got three chinese guys carrying it behind you and you blow a whistle in the middle of the strip club you just blow a whistle and start just throwing 20s in the end going listen turn the thing off dj throw 10 000 in his face go turn the music off 666 buckingham lane

i'm having a party at three o'clock i got another 100 000 and 20s at the house you're invited how many people gonna show up to your house how popular are you yeah to me hell tonight you do that the 10 fucking parties you know how many people you know how many 21 year olds want to do that in today's society i didn't i'm not gonna lie to you all i want if i think back what did i want money for you think i was gonna buy a house now and resell it and flip it do you think that make investment yeah i was gonna make an investment i was gonna take that money buy a kilo of coke buy a bunch of clothes buy a fucking car get a hotel room and spend it till i died or that's it and then not have a plan you don't really have a plan when they when you're that young

the only time i've ever legit made it rain on someone like that is i got out of this i'm into this story i get out of the ultimate fighter house it's the the night we get out so i've been cooped up for six weeks i'm in the finale i got money in my pocket and i'm at tris night club and i'm walking through and rampage jackson's there and he goes shop shop come here i go over and rampage gives me a big hug and he's like here hold this and he gives me a stack of cash like this big i'm like it's the most cash i've ever seen like what he was when i when i count to three just let it go and start making it rain gives me his chain i have my shirt off his shirts off we're standing out and i just remember him going one two three and i look around at just girls everywhere he's

making it rain i'm making it rain then my i come to my sense i fuck this put it all in my pocket jump down right and i just remember that's the only time i ever made it rain man but i did it for just half of it with rampage jackson and put the other half in my pocket i was like you know i'm gonna need this money dipped out went back to my hotel listen let me tell you something i'm not cheap by no means i see a homeless guy i'll give him five bucks oh yeah but there's something about making it rain i could see myself one day when i'm eighty sharing a bunk with three fucking black dudes you know cutting my toenails the guy's drawing them at me and me in the corner thinking if i just had ten of those dollars that night what i made it right if i just had ten of those

fucking dollars right now make it rain all right so see you bolder see you what a fucking great city that was man like we said though you know we're talking a little bit off air though i can't wait to leave man i just figure like there's more out there in the world oh no that's why i came to la listen i left there i go back and you know i'm not hating on them i go back i feel like i'm in a fucking country western man you know just everything seems slow and it seems like nothing ever changes i go back and this feels like it's the exact same as i left it it's it's all about the Denver Broncos baby oh yeah talk about the Denver Broncos baby yeah what you want to do want to be called as john l way take it back to get down out

he must own 100 cardinal ships fucking everything by now when i left you know i used to work at cherry creek jeep eagle oh really you know that yeah no no no that's not even there anymore when it was dandy dug is it off this is 1994 and there was a movie theater there i can't believe that you just said that that move i want to see the getaway which we're bowing and when he was married to the blonde when he they remade the steve mcqueen movie that's the first time i've ever seen alex bowling like that dude is fucking good i'd never seen him before did elway buy that dealership he owns like a hundred dealership i left in 95 it was clint it was dug spitting off to where the 70 become the 36 or the 36 is in the boulder yeah into boulders that turn off yeah used to be a car dealership there dug

spitting there's a shitload of car dealerships there now it i used to work on 104 when i first moved back to i had a great relationship with colorado man it was uh it was something even but once i got in trouble and i got out i've always felt guilty because it was a nice place now i was living there and i had to live there and but man it was did you stand up there now comedy works any of that i'm going back and done with in june june 6 but this is my first time yeah yeah in a long time but that's why i started those do well man the comic works do well i think they do well those joe did a special there yeah no that's a great place and both is a good listen both is a great play i just can't believe they won't they just won't take the fucking comedy but the broker you know the broker

yeah that was they used to do comedy there on tuesday that's where i started oh wow they used to i used to be the host the house emcee there on tuesday nights for about two years that's where i was every tuesday night it was steak night it was like 1095 and you got they're still known for their steak the steak the shrimp bowl yeah when you walk in they give you a shrimp bowl leave as soon as you walk in no questions asked they give you a shrimp bowl it your shit blood it's from the fucking it's from the oil spill of 1922 but it's free but it's fucking free and they used to have four of them lee you might be the highest looking guy i've ever seen in my life oh i know i'm sick and then he gave me a green hornet and then like a piece of the star what's a green hornet oh show

show it's like the star the star the only reason i've ever heard of the stars because joey yeah that's the star that this one this used to be 6000 milligrams it was a huge star it's down to like maybe what do you think what do you give it 1200 milligrams maybe and then and how long has that last you how long two three days you see it it's like squishy do you see it's half the only reason he has a knife is because i'm here like if it was just you you'd love to take like four bites out of it both of them i'm the highest guy i've ever seen in my life it's fucked up you know i'm going to san diego this weekend and it's gonna be like this the whole we're taking a little like a noon tomorrow you usually travel joe no no you're not just this way once in a while

San Diego is great man you have fun down there no shit oh yeah so how many years did you play at cu i was there for four years four years red shirted a year yeah and three and did you guys get far the issue with that oh yeah uh big 12 north champs all three years three years i played and we lost in the big 12 championship every year too we lost to those killer teams though we lost to texas when they lost usc in the national championship when they had vent young we lost 50 to three in to them we lost to oklahoma when they had adrian peterson jason white two heisman winners i mean you're talking about we played some teams man yeah you do yeah it was a beast we were good man we're damn good we also um nothing was worse than being when we lost to god i want to say we

lost we might have lost 70 to 14 to texas when they had vent young but i was on the fucking kickoff return team and when they're scoring you know they scored 70 points i gotta see the same dude every damn time man it was miserable he was just this killer just this killer man i just remember dreading it dread it you know after fucking you know seven touchdowns is 42 points so after seven times like dude how many times do you see this damn kid i just remember that it was miserable we got embarrassed man rings are great we had good seasons but those teams were untouchable i was there when the mccarty era with salanesi when he had the stomach cancer and the kid with the daughter yeah and the fucking oh my god it was sad but they kept pulling it off and they tied

no the dame or something like that and there was accusations that the football the quarterback was a Crip yeah he kept coming back on the weekends and getting crack and taking it that way you know this is all i mean what the fuck you're doing you're in college you're broke i tell you what there's no um this didn't go off on a little tear but there's no bigger crooks in the world than CAA there's no bigger crooks if you think about them it's as much money as they make off kids they see this kid i think it's for baler he was homeless walked on to the team made the team the ncwa just banned them for life for taking food and shelter from a outside source banned can't play anymore can't compete can't play football anymore homeless kid think how much

money the ncwa makes off these kids johnny man's ill jerseys you know i'm saying oh how state sales video games they have a ton of video games dude video games tv writes i mean when when when tim tebow played his jersey was the number three most popular selling jersey in the world it went he doesn't get a dime of that didn't get a ncwa gets it all university of florida gets it all oh my god he didn't see a single penny nothing and then you're gonna ban a kid for life because he was homeless and took shelter and food from a family it's ridiculous there's no bigger scam in this world than cAA yeah you know the years you put on the team yeah that's something one of the kids on that team his dad was a gangster there was no witness relocation plan really

which kid i don't know what his name is i never really asked he called him to the show a couple times and we were talking about it that's where he lived when he was in the witness relocation plan they recruited him out of bolder colorado and he lived in bolder and went to now he doesn't he's he didn't go pro he lives in san francisco selling something or something black kid no wake how can the black kid be in the fucking mafia that's true that'd be called yeah he's a white kid that's really crazy he said that just remember that god i wonder who it is now there was a drug dealer and aspirin that had been blown up that the fucking papers they took to the fucking cleaners on this guy he was making six million dollars every fucking six weeks

they fucking blew him up in a jeep and aspirin while he was working out every night he always paid somebody ten bucks to go start his car this night there was nobody around he went out started his car damn the one time my god and he lived he just bled out on the way to the hospital i think this motherfucker lived you got that much money hidden they went to his house they killed him 30 days before he went on trial they had gone into his house a year before and found pockets full of cash in garbage cans he would hide it like if it was leaves in the outside you know 900,000 dollar counts everywhere and then he went to restaurants and dropped the money off at different restaurants like you're my friend i go brennan leave this here let me know my tab is up and you're

like there's 900,000 in here every fucking night you bite it off everybody every night you'll never spend this shit you know they found his coke and boulder one time at the bus station that's how that whole investigation started boulder you and you look at boulder you're like no joey by the albertson do you remember what that was by 28th you by cocos about about oh yeah yeah like kmart out there there used to be a field out there there used to be a field out there there used to be a pizza place on in south boulder the guy had not abos there was a different pizza chain for running boulder not bojo's no no no no no this was on i think they sold cosmos no no they were brick oven something this is 30 fucking years ago but they one night that son he decided he didn't want to

work for the pizza problem well he was selling cars and going to school and i was selling cars and going to school and we used to work opposite ships and one day he didn't come in he didn't come in for a few days and he was telling me a story that he had gotten arrested and he came out in the paper days later that he was walking his dog he let his dog off the leash the dog went onto the field was sniffing something he went over to see what it was it was a briefcase he picked it up there was money he picked it up to leave him within 30 feet the fucking cops jumped on him and shit they threw him down the floor they set up a mock lab they fucking tested the blow this is all right down there you see boulder was buck wild like that because everything went through fucking boulder

back in those days boulder's not uh then you had the bus stop yeah which the bus stop still there is a strip club we're banned by a church we're banned together see you players yeah yeah yeah i'd been there a couple times this is true because there's nothing else to fucking do no there's nothing else to do a church out there a guy that owned it died and left it to a church so it's like the only strip club within fucking 30 miles yeah unless you want to go to Denver where you have shotgun willies with them and diamond cabaret diamond cabaret diamond cabaret nice be a bounce man there you know they used to do comedy there really when they first opened in 19 they opened probably in 94 they didn't know what they were really doing they were serving steak

they had three showrooms going then is that's a big place diamond cabaret big place yeah big place yeah i used to work at the nightclub next to it called wish i was a bouncer uh bouncer there yeah when i when i first started comedy diamond cabaret you had to know somebody to get up it was monday night it's still tough to get in there man yeah it was monday nights after monday night football and they paid you but it was tough to even get on they wanted like dirty comedy they want like weird fucking comedy so the place is like the pro ball for strippers of of dember it's like the best strippers in dember diamond cabaret is it it's not shotgun willies who shotgun willies is a good call shotgun willies is fire shotgun willies i'm not a big strip club guy i never

have been but shotgun willies is a good one and then you have the ones where you go and then naked and you just can't you have to bring your own booze in that's the one i was telling you i went into no rora in our vada our vada's where it's fucking dirty and nuts and one night i was selling cars in 104th and Thornton and i got out of there it was in the halfway house in bolder i was telling these guys a story i got out of there with like a fucking half ounce of blow and i didn't have to be until midnight it was like nine thirty i went to this strip club i went in there was a korean chick with fake dits and blonde streaks and i had brennan schaub it was over jack we started doing piled i was fingering and eating it i started putting my coat on and i'll pussy i ate it i

don't give a fuck you know made dog when you're in hell you're in hell fuck it uh pull back you gonna make a wash a pussy fucking give it to me straight give me that cough medicine give me that fight and the more you finger them that soy smell came out that's what you sucky sucky came out it was fucking tremendous my dick was getting hard we did the whole fucking package and i went back to the half fucking how was that costume it didn't i was selling it at the time i was selling at the car dealership i was crazy brennan i was in the halfway house fucking selling blow and uh lending money for rent with a vig like i would pay you 75 bucks for your weekly rent but you charged you like 105 back 102 i was fucking crazy so it didn't even matter it didn't even put a

cream with fake tits and blonde streaks oh she was she was done she was done as soon as i saw her i knew it was were you ever a strip club guy though no no no i've never been that guy ever you it doesn't make sense it never made sense to me never made sense to me it was very embarrassing and then i agree man when i started dating carol she stripped it that's when it even became creepier to me i really found out what it really really was yeah man i was very naive for years i went in there i tried to get my dick sucked but i moved on or i tried to get a hand job or whatever you went in there for 20 bucks and really thought you're gonna fuck them so you spend 60 nothing happens and you leave pissed off well you gotta pull them aside you go listen i won't let you pussy

on fire i'll meet your denny's in bold afterward yeah and they'll fucking meet you and suck your dick that's the that's the whole thing we gotta give them money before like i didn't know this shit but i'd be too embarrassed to do something like that fucking anyway so i just was never really and i grew up and i tell these guys i grew up in a club called the metal ends in when i was a where the chick was in the galliano bottle so my strip club days that shit got on me earlier young and then if you go to canada like i did toronto comedy i'm like when i'm 98 97 way before i moved to l.a i used to go to toronto let me tell you something i love toronto you ever go to a strip club in toronto you'll never go to a strip club in the states girls are

ridiculous and then you know i was i was going out and buying that pubic hairs and pulling my head back and they had i mean it was crazy and i'm not a strip but i just didn't see the other side of it in l.a it's a disgusting greasy side it's the they go in there to show off kind of sort of these guys i agree like more of a like uh ego thing what's the one on sunset by the gas station star strip it's yellow it's like it was yellow knee i've never been there yeah that's where the movie stars go in they go in there and they get lab dancers and oh my god she's fantastic she smells like she's fantastic she smells i never got it man i never got it i just never got it i never fucking got it certain guys love them i'm i'm a i'm a disgusting person i don't even want to go to

hooters if you're not gonna show me your pussy listen i don't want to eat your cheeseburger it's very simple right or wrong i like hooters wings man no they're too skinny for papa you know you you just scared you go once you go to buffalo and you see what those wings are about it's tough after what about buffalo wild wings no those ain't buffalo wild wings that's just the name buffalo wild wings is owned by a guy named chad you never ate a buffalo wing in this fucking life he's probably a vegan he's got sandals on his shit making that money though yeah he's getting paid like bro i get one cheap meal a week right now this fucking diet i'm on and i'm going to buffalo wild wings on sunday it's good leave with you take leave with you i love you even pick

up the time i love it look at him so high as fuck you just want some wings man i love him when i moved to bold i met a girl that was from buffalo and her family was from buffalo and on saturdays or sundays we'd smoke dope me and her and we'd get fresh chicken wings and fresh blue cheese sounds nice and she'd cut the chicken and she'd fucking cook them in a walk and then she'd make up the sauce with frank's hot sauce and butter oh that's the best and she'd dip it on the fucking thing and she made her own blue cheese dressing damn and we'd buy coronas i would have married her i didn't and uh and she'd fucking uh we'd drink coronas and just sit back and after that i'd go to buffalo with her and i got so spoiled that i don't eat regular wings

so you won't fuck with the wing unless i'm in buffalo you've had the royal's race of chicken wings now you won't fuck with the common yeah damn yeah especially if i look around i see fucking people eating ranch dressing i gotta go why you just hate ranch it's insulting to me i've been in buffalo how you gonna do you know what i'm saying yeah i get you it's like going to chinese i don't need to eat the chinese food with the chopsticks yeah you're following me but the chicken wing needs to go with the blue cheese the ranch you just fucking love that's something the ranch some terrorist shit it's like putting pineapple on pizza you're just biking my balls you're just doing it to map my fucking life it's bullshit yeah you're just doing it the

insult thing it's insulting i want you to take the plane to Italy i'll give you the big good take Italy and find me one fucking Italian eating fucking pizza if you find one i'll suck your dick on the video i'll suck your asshole i'll tongue ball you i'll do a whole fucking thing i'll do finger louis oh my god it's true you know it fucking pays like mexicans must be pissed they just don't give a fuck they're lazy like that talk about steals all their fucking just make shit up there's no chalupa in mexico no no they just make that hey i hate to tell you there's no orange chicken in china no there's no fucking sand there's no fucking orange shit there's no sesame chicken in china sit there going what the fuck are they talking about with this new fucking inventions

these triple tacos this look yeah there's nobody in mexico doing this shit they're fucking paninis what the fuck focaccio bread you know i like focaccio bread it's a panini that pisses me because it comes from fucking nowhere now you got drafted no i was uh i didn't get drafted i was a uh a free agent yeah it's a different fucking world up there dog what especially as a free agent they have no stock in you that's that's when i realized that the nfl was pro sports in general ufc is cutthroat as it gets if not more so than the nfl but no that's when you realize it's a businessman legit business they don't give a fuck about your feelings or your family you know it's heartbreaking really you play football you fall in love with as a child you

play pb football you know you play red raider football 135 yeah play freshman football with these batch of guys that you've been playing with for five or six years then you know whatever and you go to college and and just that level just jumping from high school even when you're all state you're like you know what i got this but once you go to division one and you get there you're like oh my fucking god you know all summer long i just stayed in the yard doing push ups and running 40s with my not the same these fucking savages started at the age of four therefore you know and then you that's when you know you break and i tell you even with me with my sport it was basketball all i want to do is play for north carolina when i was a kid on the listen i'll get

to north carolina i'll rebound my way to north carolina that's how i'll do it when i was like a junior i'm like i'm in no danger you gotta be six for fucking three and have 40 inch fucking leaps to fucking and that was heartbreaking for me that was the worst when i came to the realization i can't imagine being like in college and not knowing you're not a pro you know your buddies are going pro you know my best friend at the time i just saw the different treatment because he was a first round to late uh late first round early second round pick i should have seen the treatment and he got treatment i got and it was tough man and he always tried to kind of you know help me out and he'd bring me along to certain stuff but man you're talking about night and day different

man and then you go to you know buffalo bills and they don't know your name they don't know your fucking name i call you by your number you know it was just the to me it was just a business and the other thing is not to say that i didn't get a fair shot but it's just different man i felt like like what i put into the game and it doesn't the game doesn't owe me anything but what all the time amount of effort and my dreams i put into the game i it i didn't get back that's what i felt with football when i left i remember flying home from buffalo just being like fuck man this is fucking dirty yeah i remember your super broken hearted you just realized because as a kid you think it's all this you know glitz and glamour and hard work pays off on stuff then you get then

it sounds like nah homie there's a lot of other things that go into this even college football it's a thousand different fucking things oh man what college for yeah and you're in high school you're the biggest guy and the guy you've been practicing against for four years is 40 pounds your life you get the college you're the little fucking guy yeah man you're the little fucking guy and i seen it with my friends that went to college online but least but least in college at least you have you're like all right i use i have four to five years to grow into this to give the NFL a shot then i felt there's no grown into it there's no four to five years to get used to this trying you know make something out of yourself you have one shot you know what i'm saying

like college they'll say all right this kid's small he's potentially has good footwork we can work down when you put some size on he's gonna become a player then i fell it's like nah man you're gonna be ready to go but that's all sports that's hoops oh yeah pro sport pro sports man is no punk god the UFC you know the average career in the UFC is a year and a half a year and a half i mean you you know we talked about these guys and i've been the UFC for damn near seven years now a little over six but the thing is is for every main card you see those five guys you see on those five matches you see on tv or you see the prelims on fox sports there's guys on the undercar just chomping at the bit to get there man chomping at the bit and a lot of them you know they they they lose too they're out

you're man that's fucking everything you gotta perform you have to perform you you think it's only different for comedy no get a Montreal you don't get a shot you don't get it you know you work you work at everything now and you take a chance because it's your fucking dream i agree but you know what you evolved like okay so you're in the ufc for a year and a half jesus fucking christ jesus fucking christ how many people have that shot to be in the ufc for a year and a half true now you have to evolve with that but this the only difference between comedy don't get around comedy's toughest job is there is in the in the business but you can do comedy to your what so you could be fucking 65 maybe 70 if you take care of yourself you know 70

ufc nfl mba if it takes you six years to crack through two years you have a small window no matter with you start from your rookie year until you retire after 10 years you have a small window man so those years you're not performing you're not getting by very small window and comedy well it's really at your own pace right you just keep grinding at these smaller shows till you make it big there's no grinding in you know i'm saying but you evolve you become a riot you go you know what i don't want to do this no more i'm gonna write a book and see where that goes in the meantime your friend hides you because he can't write dirty jokes for the roast yeah so there's always something as long as you keep believing and i always believe you know listen i'm 52 i came out

here at 32 hoping that or 34 hoping i don't even know what i was hoping for i just wanted to survive i didn't think i was gonna survive i thought i'd be an extra i'm like i'll be did you did you come out here because a lot of people don't know it's cal and came out to be an actor fell into comedy and he's just you know he's a brilliant comic did you come out here to be an actor i came out to be a comic i didn't know what the fuck i was doing gotcha i didn't know what the fuck i was doing he told me keep coming out like him latino nights are getting big latino nights are getting big it's your way into the clubs and i was like i don't fucking know i don't even like her like yeah i'd been here like 10 times i never liked it every time i came i liked it i didn't get it

i'm like who fucking lives here because on tv they show you the beach and chicks and bikinis but they don't show you the fucking end of life they don't show you the 101 and western and fucking vermont they don't show you those fucking streets you know and i just came out i got spots at the comedy store and i got spots here and next you know i could pay rent next you know i booked a tv show next you know you you book a commercial but you're fighting the whole fucking time you're fighting for your fucking life whether it's the u of c whether it's the it's the little opportunities you get to capitalize on yeah you know frank mea right he was old fucking 19 he won his last fight now he's headlining some the main event in san diego against todd duffy you listen you fucking never

know and you know god knows that gives him a lift now right now if i'm fucking uh frank yeah in the back of my mind i'm thinking i want to be todd duffy but there's the 10 that you're like what's my next fucking move well he has to be thinking that what if what if this guy gets me with a flying fucking me what do i do open up a jiu-jitsu school open up an MMA school with how many of those are there i agree you know there's a jiu-jitsu there's a major jiu-jitsu school is fucking 7-elevens jim's at jim's a tough business to run man it's not a good idea jesus christ i mean i look at burbank in north hollywood there's seven jiu-jitsu schools i don't think is north hollywood yeah i mean you could open it up and probably break even you know is that what you want to do though you know because

you're gonna be at that jim 24 7 there's no nine to five hours when you're an owner that's a tough gig man we how you doing you got any input today you're gonna sit there like a zombie i'm gonna give some a shout out to you so we get you going look at the fucking shape of you jesus christ chris caro zikarian i love you cocksucker michael austram kyle ship uki spooky scott musa phil mcruis razz dude and amy i love you cocksucker anyway how's that for a couple fucking shoutouts letting people know we love oh yeah you got it man it's the fans that make this show listen you know fans that make everything i i ufc year and a half how many what's the longevity of an NFL running three and a half years you know so what's the fucking difference i mean it's what

you do with it who's the guy oj anderson oj anderson was a 36 year old fucking wash out dear my man and what he did type of oj anderson lisa and watch what oj anderson did football player yes and i'm gonna tell you from what college what the fuck knows what college the university of black people i don't fucking know the university of brothers that was a bad motherfucker oj odis anderson odis anderson what did he do what was his claim to fame and i'm gonna tell you what it was what does it say and how old was he he was like it said he was 36 this dude was like fucking 41 every bit of 45 and the giants picked him up at the end people were laughing at the giants this guy had legs and he had a heart leak how long does it take you to fucking break it i don't know

what i'm looking for odis anderson who do you play for okay let's see jesus christ lee take your time the cardinals the cardinals and then at the end who do you play for the packers no and who are the giants and you want a superbowl okay do you see it on there or no it's not the fucking show he can't be given this high no no no he's fucked up embarrassing the producer of the show i was the scratch that off your card he fucking was an old dude that the giants picked up and that year i think they played against new england or uh no buffalo they just knew he was good for 15 runs and he gets six or seven yards per game per fucking yeah they they knew for the superbowl they were like there's no fun he's gonna get 15 runs and he'll run seven yards is why i want

you to find what he did i think he was even the superbowl MVP but that was it after that he never came back nothing no that was it that was it they fucking killed him that night i mean you have peaks in valley so for a couple years that's sports man he wasn't good you know he was barely holding on yeah and all of a sudden the giants picked him up for $55 yeah he was the superbowl MVP of look at that fifth uh 20 of 15 i think or 25 superbowl 25 he had 102 yards and a touchdown on 21 carries and how much how old was he he was like 36 when he fucking was the MVP superbowl he was an old man and shit that's my point that he had peaks and fucking valleys you understand me that's with everything though right show business sports first of all you may be on the sitcom for fucking

six years it gets canceled people see you on the street six years later hey man what happened to you yeah what happened to me i bought a fucking house with a fucking tomato garden and on the weekends i sell tomatoes for fucking ten dollars a piece of the farm is muck and i make mine another right what happened yeah i'm just existing and you're just waiting for that next phone call yeah you know and you get the phone call and all of a sudden you spark up again to do from uh american family you know Ted Bundy oh it was big yeah he was big till fucking whatever how do you think he felt for 10 years he didn't do dick black yeah black belt and all of a sudden he gets this you never know what point but you can't give up because the door shuts on you yeah

you have to keep fucking going all right so this door shut on me fucking so if you're running back and you run this way and there's a fucking line back and that's it no you spin that motherfucker and you go this way boom and maybe this fucking uh this fucking db you catch him flat put it and now he's in a pursuit and every fucking every fucking yard is a thousand dollars in negotiation am i lying to you no they fucking know either who do you think you're dealing with some novice here i told him that the sport's an agent the fuck is wrong with you people i could have been a fucking sports novice agent everybody knows those the NFL and the owners are like the improvs that they look at everything they love you to that you know they let you do the commercials and jump

up and down but that negotiation time they're going for your fucking throat sharks man they're fucking sharks they're going for your business and they'll tell you remember that game against new england you were supposed to score you were supposed to get 200 yards but you got 198 yards those two fucking yards and you're sitting there going we won the soup bowl whatever the fuck it is i didn't know how when i did the longest yard i had a long weekend with brian bosworth just being hit by a pool talking shit and dog he broke it down for me that they were taking his fucking uh his checks they were finding him for letting his shirt out of his pants you know he just did that 30 for 30 and it's really yeah it was amazing he broke down a lot and he told me

had gone to therapy in hawaii it took a long time they fucked them but they i remember when he was kicking ass dog oh i still remember when he was kicking ass at oklahoma you can't take that away from him man colorado the big football years yell at them bolder during some good years i fucked up my year in bold my years in bold i could have got a nice degree from bold dog it's good play to get degree from fucking nothing for free on the arm nice it was very nice i like that campus i like how they treated the people there you know they were ugly white people bro they were very ugly white people and like i said they're not racist and they're very intelligent but when the shit goes down they're gonna point their fingers at the black people in the neighborhood

or that just that's just normal shit that's how people are you know but that was a kinky fucking town man i got arrested there and i went to jail there in the county a lot of weird crimes did that and some of the weirdest people i met were on that hill like i became friends with these two guys not you know that robert redford worked at the sink right yeah right robert redford worked at the sink and what's the place across the street the fox theater was where i opened up for ice cube oh nice right and across from that is the place that sells chicken roses and up the corner is the fucking sandwich place oh yeah oh what's that sandwich place called it's a sandwich place at the corner next to a famous sandwich place used to be a movie theater

next to a that sandwich place have been there for years i don't know if it's the same guy's there now they used to be partners it was four of them and they were making tons of money because they were making fresh chicken cobbler's they still are fresh lines out the door out the fucking door but now it's different owners trust me there were four kids that all went to high school together knew each other from day one but one kid was a bodybuilder and all of a sudden the fucking feds raided the place he was getting fucking shipments sent from germany shit boxes oh my god of decker fucking stavana's all he was fucking distributing that's what he's getting through those were the feds again a red flag yeah and some friend of mine a card guy was the one who got

busted with them and then he had a roll and he rolled on the sandwich place but that sandwich guys those guys started from scratch and it wasn't even on the hill it was somewhere else and then they expanded to the fucking hill and that's where the shit started between them then the partners broke up and one guy went away the other guy moved to Boston with some chick she won't he used to call me on the slot i gotta call you now my girlfriend shaman she doesn't want me calling any of my old friends what are you fucking talking about what are you captivity the fuck is wrong with you what is this guy yeah what's up lee cocks secondly look at the lee we're gonna need you to sober up brother i don't know that's impossible right now all right so

how many fights you got left on the contract uh four on my contract i signed a six fight deal with him how many do you want to do you know what man uh my next fight's gonna be at 205 i have this mock weight cut it's gonna take me 11 weeks i'm just gonna get through this one and then take it from there what are you weighing that now i'm 251 right now i gotta get down to 205 well i i'm getting down to 220 in 11 weeks and i'm cutting the last 15 pounds of water weight that week of and then we're seeing if it's possible and then the usc said all right if that goes well then tell us when you're ready to fight so it's the plan man 11 weeks cut this weight taking this fight and that's all i can tell you one fight and then we'll see

you started training already yeah what are you doing you're doing all that stand up but no sparring right now no sparring yeah just technique and jujitsu a lot of this with this weight loss man's diet and fucking cardio tons of cardio tons of cardio yeah you gotta go to the cardio cut your fucking carbs down keep your protein at 185 and your fats at 59 you know what i'm saying it's a beast man well you think you're dealing with oh man you know what you're fucking you know what you've cut you've got a tunnel wait what's the story over there cocksucker get it together i'm here i'm here like a fucking man he comes in he's got the flu yeah i'm supposed to have the fucking flu lee it's not the flu it's gonna be gone by tomorrow so you like living out here my

brother you have a nice you look good you look healthy so obviously you like it love it never leave this is fuck wherever the fuck then we're in the mountain they're gonna the cowboys and the white christians it's all love LA man never leave love it here it's my home here man everything's here my show is here training's great here i would give my right to move back to bolder really yeah because they get sunshine if i didn't have to the thing i don't like about the whole colorado thing is the airport that's it di a how far it is yeah i can't that that was a mistake from day one i did that you know why they did it i mean there's all the underground city you know if the president if we go into a state of uh like nuclear warfare he comes at Denver and there's

underground bunker in Denver so the reason it's so far out you can look this up there's all these blueprints that they have because they built like this underground bunker there's all this shit out there man underneath the airport it's weird stuff man look at your face i go up the fuck there's reasons just out there and there's just fields for fucking days have you ever been in another city where there's an airport like that never never i you fly you fly into di a you're you're 45 minutes away from anything anything you've never seen anything like that and you could see that they built it so there's nothing out there so when it snows it's going to be horrible there's nothing to distract the the snow it's out there and fucking it doesn't make sense at all it

feels like you're driving to Kansas you're picking somebody up in Kansas they built a light rail to there though but that's what they've been doing yeah what gives a fuck that's the problem flying in there i can't trust that miserable man i had to miserable if what if you have a gig somewhere and they sold tickets already and i'm in Denver stuck because you don't know what's gonna happen then no you could be on you could it could be sunny at eight in the morning you could be packing your shit going fucking i'm flying to Texas one in the afternoon i'll be there at four for lunch whatever the fuck your plan is by the time you get to the airport the cloud could be moving in oh yeah like oh no sure and next thing you know boom you're at the fucking airport stuck they got your luggage

nobody to come out and get you you know there's snow banks and shit fuck you man i can't trust that fuck you yeah to be fuck you you know if you're inside you want to smoke pot you gotta walk fuck you gotta be on a shuttle flight i think it's 30 minutes just to get outside the civilization with the shuttle and shit you gotta take then you gotta go back through security it's just it's too much for me for an airport you know i agree i like them simple what's all the fucking what's with all the gadgets what's all the fucking you know what i'm saying well you're flying to chicago you're downtown chicago man walk out you're in the city you're in the city you're la you're right there man you're a cab right away from anything houston boom even if you landed

fucking uh bob hope bob dope whatever the fuck is even this one here burbank you land right around the corner is the sushi's yeah you're good you're good something the civilization just go really far away like the airport uh maybe this is the time i went i thought i was like a 20 or 30 minute ride 20 minutes yeah you have to drive a little walk not too bad no no there's some shit around samson's what we're saying is not dead now it's not 45 minutes in death damper you i mean you're literally flying into cornfield you land you're starving you're fucking starving all you're thinking about is uh a green chili burrito and shit they have some legit restaurants in the airport but still no no not like that not that's not not they don't have no chubbies they have a chop house

do they really they got no fucking chubbies i don't want a chop house i want some nice green chili fucking burritos and shit like that let me talk about the sponsors we'll get the fuck out of here right you got this man let's start with optimal optimization that's how we roll you understand me you want to get strong mentally physically spiritually it starts with alpha fucking brain it'll take it is it alpha what are you looking around for me i can't tell because you're looking around like i fucked up somewhere it's alpha brain yeah all right i'm just looking for the time it all we're looking for the time for you have to run it down it all starts with alpha brain you understand me you know why it starts with alpha brain because

it's money back guarantee if you don't feel the difference you don't want you don't even have to return the product we'll send you back to get us why because we believe they've done some testing that is off the chart i can sit here for hours and break it down we ain't got that type of fucking time go to honet.com we know all about alpha brain the testing they've done the results are gonna be fucking mind bogging you're gonna be ordering trust me like i said give it a shot columbus did what do you got to lose they got the new mood they got the shroom tech they got the fucking tea the the tea testosterone juice they got everything plus they got the battle ropes they got the weights they got the kettlebells they got the things that look like devils you

could throw those fucking things around knock yourself out go to honet.com right now go to the box and press in church boom you get 10% off just supplements no kettlebells no nothing like that don't throw me under the bus in line i said joey tell me i didn't tell you fucking dick cuckucker just supplements go to the box and press in church chu and get 10% off your first order and if you like what you got go to stay on the program knock yourself the fuck out you know you're sitting there all bored to pieces you're like what am i gonna watch tonight dancing with the stars ain't on i got the answer we're gonna get back into classic martial arts and when we're talking about classic martial arts we're talking about iron dragon tv.com you understand me tell them

Lee who do they got on there what's the people they got on there look at the shape of this fucking mukyak they got Jackie Chan they got the in man series taxi hero taxi hero dancing 4k technology plus they're writing new films all the fucking time they fully don't fuck around in fact we're not gonna blow smoke up your ass just go to the web page go to iron dragon tv it's a roku channel web page go to iron dragon tv.com right now go to the page and press in joey you're gonna get two free movies for free go around snoop around they cost you nothing cost you fucking dick to go and snoop around you like kung fu you like seeing chinese people get kicked in the head this is the fucking web page for you iron dragon.com tv please stop it jesus christ you sound like a jew

woman fucking iron dragon tv.com and press in lee what's the word look at the shape of this fucking what look at this what's it what's it joey joey and get two free films all right let me ask you a question how much longer you're gonna sit there with those same crusty fucking underwear nobody's sucking your dick your balls smell but the underwear smell worse you ever eat a check out and a fucking panty smell a monkey smells a little bit but a panty's got some real bad wang to him like she don't use chlorox you know why she has that problem because why because you don't have me on these that's why me on these is tremendous me on these pulls the sweat away from your body so everything smells fresh and clean and tremendous don't believe me go to me on these

dot com look at the great selection of boys and girls on these they have they have great t-shirts they have great sweatpants they got great t-shirts like if if you like uh what do they call the rash guards they got these short sleeve things you can put on these you get two geese and it's tremendous the me on the underwear the little boy cut with style i use those under my knee because you're not never pops out when you use the white cotton ones you're not always pops out you gotta tap and put your nut back in the fucking underwear then you gotta wash your hand because then you're trying to choke the dude with none on your fucking head now he's got none on his neck and it's a it's a fucking nightmare

so what i'm trying to say is go to me on these dot com right now tell look at the great selection of men and women's underwear they got if you see something you like go to the box and press in Joey and what do they get 20% off their first order and free shipping right to Canada and the United States i'm not fucking around with you i'm telling you seriously right now you're sitting there with those crusty fucking underwear that smell like god knows what and me on these is right there you can impress yourself you can impress your beautiful girlfriend or wife get her a pair that match you both look at each other and dance in the fucking mirror whatever you like doing but it all starts by going to me on these dot com and pressing in Joey and getting 20% off your first

order and free shipping to the United States or Canada that's how we roll you're sitting there hungry you're like jesus i can go for something to fucking eat not you you're fucking i'm talking about the general public i get over nature box too no i know you could order nature box but i'm not talking about you you probably owe them 200 dollars you're making me look better cock sucker i'm talking about nature box dot com right now but you're going Joey you already hit me up for money for on it and iron dragon tv and me on these what are you gonna tell me now you're gonna tell you now nature box provides tremendous snacks nutritious delicious low sodium gluten-free snacks you don't have to go to your fucking uh the soda machine anymore and get those fatty

fucking cheeto lays fuck all that garbage you got the new nature box dot com i'm telling you right now these snacks are tremendous the sriracha cashews the cocoa almonds the the the clusters the french toast clusters i mean they have just have so many tremendous things and you know what they're gonna send to you for free just like that but joey you're gonna pull a string there ain't no string shipping is like fucking two dollars all right they're gonna send you 30 dollars worth for fucking free two dollars ain't shit do you understand me cock sucker what are you what are you sitting there crying for go to nature box dot com right now look at this look at the list of nutrition snacks that they have tell them what they tell them what you want don't sign it to you they're gonna

send you five bags two big ones and three little ones that are gonna rock your fucking world you're gonna be sitting there at night watching jimmy found scratching your nuts thinking you know what who's better than me look at me i mean fucking nutritious delicious i'm not gonna get fat my fat no my heart's gonna be nice pumping without no fucking peanuts around it all that type of shit all right but it all starts with you go to nature box dot com right now and press in joey nature box sampler sent right to your house no strings attached free okay it's like two bucks for fucking shipping you go for the two bucks trust me it's worth what you're gonna get for two bucks all right i want to thank brandon sharp for coming on the show tonight i have no idea what

we're talking about but who gives a fuck those are usually the good fucking fuck that i want to thank lian for getting all whacked up as usual i'm gonna be in san diego tomorrow night and saturday night at the american comedy club next week i'm gonna be at the houston improv fucking turn it up like a man out of prison don't forget to come on out all right what else brandon sharpie anything you want to talk about when is the fighter in the kid coming back that's it man fighting the kid uh next week yeah we uh we have an episode coming up tomorrow morning with your favor all right yeah all right that brandon sharp yeah that's good look at your right so even though fucking brian calin went hunting let's go hard i keep this circus going man keep this well oiled machine man yeah

everybody wants to be johnny hunt the one thing that's shooting the foot and they come back limping and shit crying you know tell him fuck you now who needs no fucking i don't need no host with a missing foot tell these people what's cracking i love you guys stay black thank you for listening go to honor.com and use co-word church to get 10 off of your order of all the great optimization products go to iron dragon tv.com and use co-word joey to get 20 percent off oh to get two free movie rentals of all their martial art movies and go to me undies.com slash joey and look at all their men's and women's underwear they have t-shirts socks when you go to me undies.com slash joey

you get 20 off your order you're slipping and you got and you also get free shipping in the united states and canada and lastly go to naturebox.com and don't forget to go don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kennel kernels go to naturebox.com slash joey that's naturebox.com slash joey beloved here tonight really makes life a drag i don't think that's right

i've really been the best the best of food i did what i could yeah baby baby since i've been loving you yeah i'm about to lose my worry mind i everybody trying to tell me that this thing of me don't do her

try lord let me tell let me tell i said it to the best i could i've been i've been working from seven to 11 every night i said it kind of makes me laugh drag drag drag drag lawyer let me write down now now since i've been loving you

i'm about to lose my worry mind um Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, my tears, it felt like rain Don't you hear, don't you hear the fall? Don't you hear, don't you hear the fall?

Do you remember mama, when mama come on you go I said you had to move, Terry You didn't want me mama, yeah Over my front door, in my back door slam You know I'm myself, one of them new people I've been working from sevens, sevens, sevens Live every night, I've kind of made a lot of great I'm about to leave, I'm about to leave, leave, I'm about to leave

I'm about to leave, I'm about to leave I'm about to leave, I'm about to leave